#as the player you have to stop trying to input Your feeling or it’s going to conflict and get lost in the mesh of voices

[dismas-n-dismay]

Having OSDD and playing STP and seeing how other people interpret the voices is crazy. Mostly because I attribute all the Voices as just being smaller parts of the Whole (You, the player) so it’s harder to take their flaws seriously when it’s like. Yeah but I’m not like that and I don’t wanna do that, ur just a thought bro.

Like L + Ratio imagine not being the guy in control of the body today, ANYWAYS-

(Mini ramble undercut!!)

It what makes certain routes like the Spectre so fun when she joins the mess and is like “??? Is it always this loud” because like yeah. Being apart of a system in real life is really just fine tuning the noise and making your own choices, especially since the voices are usually shown at face value and when you dig deeper they all usually want the same thing: To survive.

And when you realize that it’s easier to take agency of the control you Do have as the player and therefore the vessel. They each have their own different ways and thoughts of surviving but ultimately they either just want to survive or they want to survive and end the pain of the cycle they’re forced through.

They’re just thoughts, just voices, brought forth from trauma and trying to escape, give them grace.

All this to say, being apart of a system and playing a game that involves multiple voices is really just like playing a real life simulator and is probably why I have such an easy time playing and understanding the characters in the game

[holylulusworld]

Roll the dice (Prologue)

Summary: You’re in trouble, and it’s all your fault.

Pairing: Mobster!Steve Rogers x fem!Reader

Warnings: mafia au, angst, mentions of criminal activities, mentions of sickness, mentions of stealing, scared reader, bruises

You’re in trouble, and it’s all your fault.

Stealing from your boss wasn’t the smartest move. Even though you had no other choice.

If you hadn’t taken the money from him, your grandmother would’ve died.

She doesn’t have insurance and needed a life-saving surgery. You worked your ass off, juggling three jobs a day, only to not make ends meet.

When the doctor told you they were going to release your grandmother from the hospital to die, you had to do something—anything.

For only a moment, you lost your mind and did something you’d never have done if not for your grandmother. The woman raising you.

“Ah, there she is,” your boss chuckles when his right-hand man, the one everyone calls executioner, drags you inside his office. The man leans back in his expensive chair, legs spread wide as he runs his hands up and down his thighs. “Where did you hide, little runaway?”

You whimper, feeling another bruise form on your arm, joining the ones the executioner painted your body with. His hands are still covered in the blood of the poor motel owner who dared to try to stop him.

“Got her, Steve,” the man chasing you like feral dogs says as he pushes you toward your boss. Steven Grant Rogers. Stone-cold businessman in public, and merciless mafia boss in the shadows. “Tell me if you want me to get rid of the remnants.”

Sniffling, you surrender to faith. They don’t know about the reasons for your betrayal, and your grandmother is safe. An old friend agreed to take her in and care for her. She was always more than a good friend to your granny, and you know, she’ll keep her word.

Rogers rises from his seat to tower over you. He lifts your chin with his index finger to force you to look into your executioner’s eyes. “So, tell me, was it worth it stealing from me? Did you buy shiny things, a car maybe?”

“She didn’t have anything of value with her. Her car is a wreck, and she got kicked out of her apartment. The rat was hiding at the shadiest motel you can imagine.”

“Buck,” your boss nods. “Thank you for the input. Please bring me the box over there.” Steve says, still holding your gaze. He searches your face, enjoying the fear in your eyes and how your lips tremble.

“Got it,” Bucky gets a little black box. Instead of handing it to your boss, he places it in front of you. “I hope you enjoy the last moments of your life, little rat.” He chuckles before leaving the room.

“You know, I’m a player.” Steve flashes you a smile, but it doesn’t reach his cold blue eyes. “Rats like you have two options. You can accept your fate, and I’ll kill you fast, or you can open the box and take whatever punishment you’ll find inside.”

“What?” You furrow your brows. Steve Rogers will kill you either way. There is not a chance he’ll show mercy and let you go.

“I like to play,” he repeats. “I only play with people who didn’t steal from me for themselves or selfish reasons,” Steve smirks when you whimper again. “I know about your grandmother and where I can find her.”

You suck in a breath. “Please, I’ll do anything. Torture me, kill me. I don’t care.” You cry. “She didn’t know. I swear, Granny believes I got a promotion. Please…” You beg and plead.

“Well then, choose the box, and I’ll shelter your grandmother’s life,” he snarls. “If not, she’ll die with you tonight.”

Steve hides that he doesn’t kill grannies. He has standards and rules.

With trembling fingers, you open the box. All that you find is a red dice. It doesn’t look different from the ones you handled at the casino, though.

“Oh, the dice?” He smirks darkly and crouches down to cup your face. “You got lucky, doll. If you get a six, you are free to go.”

“What about the other numbers?” You whisper, afraid to speak louder. “Sir?”

“Every other number means fun for me,” he laughs as you make a face. “Go ahead, doll. Roll the dice.”

You grab the dice and roll it without thinking twice. Holding your breath, you watch it land on…

If you want to read more, we see us in 2025…

Read more here: Part 1

Tags in reblog.

[tsxkkis]

omg omg can i request? pls ignore if you dont!

s3 of haikyuu will always be my favourite season, maybe due to the fact that tsukishima realizes his potential in playing volleyball? (him having his MOMENT is my favouriteee scene)

so could you write gf manager reader x tsukki, where reader witnesses him having his first moment (blocking ushijima's spike), injuring his hand etc etc up until they receive their throphy and medals in the end ?🥹🥹💕 shes a proudddd reader and literally just smooch smooch hug hug tsukki because hes the mvp of karasuno x shiratorizawa 🥰😤

i realized that theres nobody includes this scene in their fics and i wonder why? 🤔🧐

# tsukishima kei - mvp

a/n: i am terribly sorry anon bcs this took so long T-T i'm not quite sure about some parts of this fic but overall i really enjoyed writing this request!! tsukishima is my fav for many reasons, one of which being the fact that i see myself in him a lot, and the particular moment during the shiratorizawa vs karasuno match is also my fav from the entire series!! i hope u enjoy reading this fic^^ i feel like it's not exactly what you asked for, so i'm sorry if i went too far away from your idea....

summary: tsukishima finally regains his love for volleyball.

warnings: a few swear words here and there, the fic doesn't exactly portray what happened in the series (i switched it up a bit)

'are you stressed?'

'not even a bit.'

'you're lying. i can read you like a book.'

tsukishima kei let out a deep breath, rolling his eyes as he looked away from your face. you were obviously right; there was no way he wouldn't be stressed before the game that determined whether or not karasuno would go to nationals. as much as he hated to admit it, he was almost as stressed as others. he was just better at controlling which of his emotions are shown.

you squeezed his hand, his fingers instinctively intertwining with yours. all it took was a reassuring smile from you to help with his nerves, his muscles finally relaxing after being tensed up for the last twenty minutes or so. he still tried to get used to you being more than a friend. your relationship was quite awkward and fresh, so much so in fact that you never even had your first kiss yet.

'i'm sure you'll do great.' you stated calmly, trying to hide the fact that you were even more stressed about the match than him. 'in fact, i'm positive that you'll win.'

'even if we do, it won't be because of me.' he mumbled, letting out a silent laugh when he saw the angry look on your face. 'oh, come on. it's not like i'm the greatest player this team has.'

'you know i hate it when you talk down on yourself.' you said, the tone serious and sharp, rather unusual for you. it stayed like that for only a short while, taken over by a softer, understanding one. 'you're a vital part of this team, tsukishima. winning this match is not up to a single person. it's a team effort. your input is as important as that of kageyama or hinata.'

he opened his mouth to say something but was instantly stopped by the voice of his captain, daichi, calling the team up to quickly warm up as the match was about to start.

you smiled at the boy, letting go of his hand before lightly patting him on the back.

'do your best for me, alright?'

'i will.' a barely noticeable smile appeared on his face, his hand affectionately ruffling your hair. 'don't worry too much about it.'

you finally realized why tsukishima kei never tried more. why he would never stay longer like other karasuno players to polish his skills, why he didn't truly seem to love the sport he chose to play in high school.

'you're insufferable, you know?' his words sent shivers down your spine. 'why don't you leave it the fuck alone?'

opposite forces, some might say. no one really knew what drew you and tsukishima to eachother - both of you completely different from one another, and yet oh so similar at the same time. frustration took over you every time you looked at him, and now you knew why.

he was like a mirror in which you could see all your flaws, and it irritated you a great deal.

his outlook on life and the way he viewed himself made you furious. how can someone be so full of contradictions? so cocky and confident, and yet so vulnerable and self depreciating at the same time. so full of himself and yet so hateful towards the person he saw in the reflection of every window, every mirror.

how can someone so great at what they do, so intelligent and talented, be so critical?

'because i can't! i can't leave it alone, you absolute moron.' the thought of how loud you were didn't stop you from continuing to shout, a mixed look on your face that tsukishima couldn't quite decipher. were you angry or sad? and why the hell would it bug you so much to evoke such strong emotions within you?

'you're saying i'm insufferable? from the moment i laid my eyes on you, you've been nothing but insufferable. so much so, that i want to gouge them out every time they spot you.' you ignored your watery eyes and tsukishima's surprised face, almost as if he didn't expect you to blow up like this. 'it pains me to see you be so full of doubt and hatred and i- i can't understand why you would think so lowly of yourself, why you feel inferior to the other guys in every way possible, when you could be so much more than them. do you even realize your potential, tsukishima?'

he stayed silent. for the first time since knowing you, tsukishima kei did not have an answer to your words.

'your doubts are so irrational i don't know if it makes me angry or sad. you're truly incredible on the court. you're intelligent, you can read the opponents well, you have the physical predispositions for volleyball and a natural talent that you choose to ignore because-'

'but what is talent without passion?'

that singular sentence managed to catch you off guard so much you had no idea how to answer him. such a simple question, and yet such a philosophical, confusing one.

'why should i put my all into something i'm not even passionate about, huh?' tsukishima tried to keep his composed nature, but it was hard to stay intact after what you've said. as much as he did not want to admit it, your words hit him deeply. 'why waste my time and energy for something that does not give me any satisfaction at all? tell me that, because i have no fucking idea.'

'passion is not something that dissapears once and never shows up again, you idiot.' you took a step closer, as if that was going to help you get your point across. 'if your passion is genuine, it will always be there. whether small or big, it will always crawl around in the back of your mind. if you ever truly loved volleyball, the moment where you fall in love with it again will come sooner or later.'

your words were met with complete silence, but you didn't mind. tsukishima slowly processed your words, a focused look gracing his face, lips in a tight line. even though it was only a couple of minutes, for you it felt like hours - awaiting an answer, any answer at all.

tsukishima moved closer, his tall frame hovering over you as he wrapped his arms around you, catching you in a tight hug, much to your surprise.

'thank you.' he mumbled quietly, glad that in this very moment you couldn't see his face, and the stupid smile plastered to it.

the moment where you fall in love with it again will come sooner or later.

tsukishima's mind lingered over these words whenever he played, awaiting this moment to come almost eagerly. the match was particularly hard - with ushijima wakatoshi as their opponent, the chances of winning were incredibly slim. every spike of his went through the block, his serves were absolutely killer, and his teammates did everything to deliver the ball to him at all costs.

what a hassle.

you noticed that his demeanor on the court changed from what it used to be. tsukishima seemed more invested now - almost as if he was trying to impress you, to keep his word. as happy as it made you, you were still anxious about the match and it's final score, hand shaky and a bit sweaty as your eyes followed the ball flying around from one side of the net to another.

another spike from ushijima, it'll probably be another point for shiratoriza-

and that's when you realized.

you saw the ball hit the ground on shiratorizawa's side of the net surprised gasps from everyone watching the match. you saw the shocked look on ushijima's face, the horror in the eyes of his teammates as the ball bounced off of the floor for the second, third, fourth time.

silence took over the court for just a mere second, quickly interrupted by tsukishima's triumphant scream.

he looked more than content with his performance. he looked... happy.

the rest of the boys joined him, screaming in unison. it was just one point, right? but for some reason, for both you and tsukishima, this one was worth a thousand.

for the first time in years, tsukishima kei felt that his spark for volleyball came back.

you noticed that his eyes were now focused on you, a full, cheeky smile gracing his face, and it only made you tear up. a short moment, probably insignificant for people around, but for the two of you it was like a breath of fresh air, like getting rid of the shackles that once held you in place, enabling you from moving forward.

'y/n, are you... alright?' coach ukai looked with his brows slightly furrowed, confused by your teary eyes and big grin plastered to your face.

'yeah, yeah, i'm fine. sorry, coach.' you mumbled, bowing a little as your eyes focused on the court. 'actually, could kiyoko replace me here for the rest of the match? i'm not quite feeling well.'

'tsukishima is injured.'

'what?' akiteru spoke in unison with you, terrified voices mixing together as you looked down from the stands to see the boy walking off of the court and rushing to the medical office along with kiyoko. your instincts took over you - feet moving on their own as you quickly ran towards the same place.

the two blondes followed right behind you, stopping only when in front of the door to the medical office, gasping for air after such a short run. as athletic as your boyfriend was, you were quite the opposite; getting tired after a little to no physical activity at times.

tsukishima saw your head peeking through the doorframe, a small smile on his face the moment he laid eyes on you.before you opened your mouth to say something, he already gave you an answer.

'yes, i feel fine.' he stated quietly, sitting down on the edge of a chair. 'you don't need to worry.'

'are you going back on court?' he only gave you a small nod in response, seemingly feeling better already as he stood up, his hand taped up.

you looked up at him, taking in the expression on his face, just how focused he already was. he looked almost as if he already had a plan to defeat shiratorizawa in this match. seeing him so eager to go back and play almost made you laugh a little - you swore you never saw him get this invested into something ever.

'go and win then.' you mumbled, patting him on the shoulder as he headed towards the gym hall.

'oh don't worry. we will.'

you couldn't stop the tears rolling down your cheeks as you saw karasuno emerge victorious from the hardest volleyball match they had to play this year, hugging yachi tightly as both of you celebrated the win of your team.

the triumphant screams filled the gym hall, the team emotional after doing what many deemed impossible. as most of them enjoyed themselves, not planning on leaving the euphoric state for a long while, tsukishima could only think of doing one thing - going to you.

you were the only person he truly wanted to celebrate with.

after the ceremony of getting the medals, to everyone's utmost shock, considering your relationship wasn't exactly public, tsukishima went up to you almost immediately, a cocky smile on his face as he ruffled your hair, looking down at you from behind his glasses.

'you didn't exactly look quite as content with your performance before getting the prize.' you mumbled, looking at the blonde haired boy with your head tilted to the side.

'well, i could've blocked more of ushijima's spikes.' he started, rolling his eyes at the sole idea of not being able to do that during today's match. 'i only managed to block one and-'

you decided to use the only method that was for sure going to shut him up in that moment, lightly grabbing him by the tshirt and pulling him closer, lips clashing for a split second in a short, sweet kiss.

'no talking down on yourself today, kei.' you said, unconsciously smiling as you saw his face getting red at what you just did, cheeks covered by a tomato-like red colour. 'i'm proud of you no matter what you think about today's match.'

he stood still for a few seconds, as if processing what had just happened seconds ago, the redness on his face deepening with each passing moment. his hand was quick to grab yours, almost dragging you away from the team and to a more private, less occupied area of the building.

'do that again.' he mumbled, after he finally led you to a quiet hallway.

'huh?'

'it was... nice.'

your eyes lit up, a cheeky smile gracing your face as you finally realized what he was on about.

'ohh, you want another kiss?' you said teasingly, eyes quickly glancing from his face down to his lips. he rolled his eyes, unamused by your act of playing dumb.

'come on, don't make me repeat myself.' still somewhat embarrassed of what he was asking for, tsukishima stood in one place, awaiting your next action.

a sigh left your lips as you took a step towards your boyfriend, standing on your tippy toes to be able to reach his face.

'alright. i guess you deserve it, match mvp.'

your arms were wrapped around his neck in no time as your lips gently touched his, tsukishima immediately kissing you back, hands positioned on your waist as you felt a smile creeping up on his face. he let out a short laugh, seeing your face being just as red as his was moments ago, hand reaching to squeeze yours.

'what?' you mumbled, as he hasn't spoken a word since breaking the kiss.

'that's surely the best prize i got today.'

taglist: @moonswolfie @wyrcan @kitsune-kita

[chimerafeathers]

the concept of intentional boredom/tedium in video games is very much a "your mileage may vary" kind of thing and i go back and forth about it in different situations. where does it work? where does it feel earned/worth the mental toll? why am i gonna play a game that is trying to make me miserable?

i can understand this not being the case for everyone (ymmv, after all) but for ISaT i was so fucking fully on board with the repetitive tedium of it all. rubbing my grubby little hands together and going yesssss, yesssssss, make my immersive gameplay experience directly emulate the exact frustrations and anxieties and mind-numbing breakdowns of the player character. remind me, at every turn, the toll this would take on the person living it. make me live their inner monologue before it's ever verbalized on screen.

how strong you feel, compared to the party you're inevitably leaving behind, how weak they seem now. how annoying it is to cut down these same enemies again and again, always pointlessly getting in your way (oh, how convenient that Siffrin feels the same way so intensely that you can get an item that lets him scare them off by sheer force of will before they attack you!). since when was the King's battle--so terrifying, so impossible before--so easy? can't this go faster? you've heard this all before.

let me skip ahead, loop around, treat my character my body Siffrin as disposable, take the fast and easy way to reach the next goal when you're on the verge of an exciting breakthrough, this loop doesn't matter anyway. but ohh, this next loop might be The One, better do this one right and follow the script to perfection. make all the jokes and say all the right things to get the lovely bonding dialogue so you can carry the Best Version of Everyone through to the end. that'll give you the Good Ending, right? can't hurt to try, right? you don't really believe it but this time will fix everything, right?

how generous and wonderful to have so many shortcuts at hand! dissociating zoning out to skip repetitive dialogue, splitting your head open on a rock slipping on a banana peel in the town to loop right to the floor you need, suuuuurely all of this stuff is purely for the Player's Convenience and won't have any psychological impact on our dear protagonist such that it gets slammed back into the player's face as a stomach-dropping reminder that someone's moment-to-moment experience in this time loop still matters, still carries over, still gets riddled with scars even if they can't be seen!

i've played & watched enough games that trivialize/hand-wave game mechanics that it's pretty easy to detach myself from the minutiae of video game decision-making. "this input gets the Good Response" -> "i will continue doing this input." "this option will be more efficient" -> "might as well save some time then." but this game would not let me stop thinking about consequence.

picking Siffrin's favorite food makes them happy! :) it's also the option that makes Bonnie the happiest! yay! -> i keep picking their favorite food -> Siffrin gradually grows sick of something that once brought him joy -> oh. right. that...makes sense, huh.

okay i asked the King what i needed, mann there won't be any tears after the fight is over so i'll have to do the whole ending scene again and that takes a while and i reeeeally wanna talk to Loop, maybe i'll just lose on purpose this time -> OH. RIGHT. THIS IS MAYBE THE MOST PAINFUL WAY FOR SIFFRIN TO DIE BOTH PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY HUH. -> never gonna do that again actually!!!!! the ending isn't that long!!!!

banana peel time! we've got places to be and mysteries to solve! -> (you're a living comedy sketch.) (you wonder if you'll ever be able to smell bananas again without wanting to vomit.) -> i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry

it's always cute to see Isabeau's reactions! pick the options that make him blush :3 -> (disgusting. manipulative. it's no wonder he thinks he likes you, you made him feel that way.) -> i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry siffrin NO he liked you before any of this happened please don't think of yourself that way--

maybe it won't hit the same for every player (what game can expect to do that?) but holy fuck it hit for me. the way the mechanics let you fall into familiar gamey rhythms but constantly, constantly remind you that this is Siffrin's life you're playing with. the way you end up perfectly in step in the worst ways. muscle memory and habit built up so well that you both stumble when something changes. devastating and delicious

[maximumzombiecreator]

Do you often use random dungeon layout generators for your megadungeons? If so, how do you make those randomly generated layouts make sense as a space? I find that the eclectic nature of how the dungeon ends up looking makes it feel weird to consider the area as a real space instead of as the output to a random generator.

I use a lot of random generation when I make megadungeons, but I pretty much never use a layout generator. That's a solution to a different problem from the one that I have. Creating an assortment of rooms connected in random ways is pretty easy for me. The problem, as you note, is making the space engaging, making it make sense, making the connections logical but also interesting, etc.

But I do think random generation is a great way to juice your creativity! Getting external input that you then have to fit your ideas into often produces better results than just trying to create on a blank slate.

My most common random tools are roll tables for generating dungeon rooms and features. Worlds Without Number is the first book I reach for for most random tables, and it has some pretty solid tables for generating rooms, features in the rooms, connections, etc. I also have a bunch of tables saved from OSR blogs for generating interesting traps or dungeon features. Honestly just rolling for the number of exits a space has is one of the simplest ways to force myself to think creatively. When the dice tell me a bedroom has six exits, it means I need to re-evaluate what that bedroom is doing and I probably need to create some unusual exits.

I will use geomorphs sometimes. These are basically bespoke little fragments of dungeon created to be shuffled and combined randomly. Dyson Logos has a bunch of these, and I know @imsobadatnicknames2 has a bunch as well. These are good for creating a bunch of interesting connections and clever tiny bits that are great for finding interesting uses for. I've never used these to generate a whole dungeon, but for small fragments I really like them. I also have a set of them handy when I run a sandbox campaign in case the players somehow end up in a dungeon I didn't prep for at all.

Now, if you do want to use a randomly generated layout, whether from some tool, a dice generator, geomorphs, whatever, I have some advice for making sense of it: embrace the second occupant effect.

It's very common in dungeons that the people who built the dungeon and the current occupants are not the same group. It's an orcish ruin occupied by dwarves, it's an ancient temple being used as a bandit hideout, it's a wizard's keep overrun by demons, etc. The question that a random layout is going to have you asking is, "Why is this constructed this way?" and it's perfectly okay for the answer to be, "there's nobody left who knows." What was this big room with seven entrances built for? Well, nobody knows, but the goblins living there are using it as a dining hall.

If you're designing using this approach, you don't need an answer for every space. You can instead approach it the same way its new occupants did. Take it for granted that this is the space that exists, how would the new occupants use it? That weird room off to the side that's a pain to access? Well, who knows what it was built for, but it's cold storage now. This weird thoroughfare makes a perfectly good guard checkpoint. This big hole in the floor might have been used for casting spells at some point, but now it's a garbage dump. In this way, it's easy to come up with what rooms are now that doesn't require you to answer what a room was built for.

Using this approach, you still want to have good answers for what a room's original purpose was some of the time. If the space just never makes sense, players will stop trying to engage with it logically, and that's a big loss. Plus, using this effect most effectively, you get a lot of value out of knowing the previous purpose of a room. It can be easy for every kitchen to feel similar, but a kitchen that's been built on what used to be a foundry is instantly more interesting and easier to get creative with. But you get to pick and choose the parts of a random layout that look interesting, or that you have an easy time answering for, and make those the parts where the original purpose shines through. And then in the spaces where you're left saying, "What is with this snarl of hallways?" you can just have the answer be, "it's a mystery. Scholars theorize it served a ritual purpose."

[bravo4iscool]

How naive and stuck in your own little world do you have to be to think that Simon (or any other male character from COD) would stoop down to chubby girls? Not even regular guys in real life care, let alone hot guys who know they're hot and can get high-caliber women.

You guys really try to convince yourselves of the most impossible things just to feel better, huh? Isn't it better to accept reality as it is, lol?

i’m sorry but how fucking pathetic and desperate for validation do you need to be to slide into a random persons asks because of a silly little tumblr post💀? (this baby right here)

there’s this thing called ✨fiction✨ and ✨imagination✨. let me and others be and leave us alone lmao.

and according to your ask i’m almost 100% sure you’re a little, fucking insecure, wannabe cod player who thinks he’s better because he’s not into chubby girls? or who thinks he’s cool because he’s insulting other people over their imagination?

oh fuck off, really. prolly can’t even get laid. otherwise you wouldn’t send me this shit lmao.

also, these so called “real guys” do care about chubby girls. they’re not some insecure, pathetic fuck like you😘

and if you’d have even a single little bit of knowledge about this world you’d know that guys like simon do have a thing for plus-size girls. it’s no secret at that point lol.

please go and harass other people about their imagination and leave me tf alone. no one asked for your input or opinion😘

btw, i liked your quote “not even hot guys who know they’re hot and can get high-caliber woman”. you’ve never seen a plus-size woman in you whole life then, i guess.

y’know, beauty isn’t about appearance. beauty is about character and seems like you have a fucking disgusting one.

just because you care about the appearance of woman doesn’t mean that other men do. so grow tf up and stop projecting your insecurities on people who like to have fun with their imagination🥰.

[solselah]

Pick A Movie ? 💛

(Channeled messages are unrelated to plot)

PILE 1 - TOTAL RECALL

You’ve been noticing recently that your lucid dreaming has gotten so real !! I believe you had an idea how this journey was going to go but you got hit with a mini curve ball the last time you attempted to lucid dream !! Your guides are kind of smirking like just ask us to “lead and guide you and so it shall be” they are definitely protecting during this interesting moment of learning how to “get off the ground” it seems like you start to astral project and you maybe get a bit overwhelmed & feel the need to stop & try again ! On the other hand as you’re sleeping the whole time you’re lucid dreaming to these dimensions & meeting people you actually know in that realm ! So In reality your guides want to lead you into conscious Astral travel !!! Being that you unexpectedly lucid dream almost every night !!! I see for some you really do meet up in the astral realm like it’s a game lol , like okay player 1 is here , player two is here we’re ready to GO! I would just be aware of those you travel with if this is what you choose to do ! Make sure you’re truly okay with sharing your energy on that level !

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

PILE 2 - MOONLIGHT

I’m hearing you could be a Sagittarius specifically !! If not you have HEAVY Jupiterian energy! The message I’m receiving is that revolving around your self worth & how it’s been at a 0% when it’s literally always been at 100% with you ! I see people around you are concerned and want you to know they care and are here for you , with anything you may need ! For some you’ve just been watching and listening !! For a few you could’ve really had an imbalanced upbringing, I’m seeing that you may have had your parents, which is a positive thing , but they both seem to have “filled the same glass consistently”

meanwhile the other “glasses” (🍷)that were in need of attention remained empty ! So maybe they raised you based off how they were raised or how they simply wanted to. There were usually no input from others , especially family ! They could’ve been so Focused on your goals making sure you don’t make them look any less than they deem themselves to be ! I’m so picking up a mothers energy , she is toxic yall!! And would rather you “raise yourself” than put energy into molding you & raising you with the love that nourishes and not the back handed guilt of love ! Things will be so different when you decide to have kids or even if you do ! You move so different than your family and I commend you for it ! 💙

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PILE 3 - HIDDEN FIGURES

So I see your having doubts about if this person is literally your twin flame like you don’t have any clue about what that even means or looks like for you & your not the type of person to look online and associate your experiences with the next , you need to experience these things for yourself to really solidify it in your eyes ! So you are doubting which is so okay because I do feel it’s a natural reaction to such a powerful dynamic ! Now as far as labeling it as twin flame that part you’re not sure about , like you rarely like saying boyfriend and girlfriend ! You are okay with being Partners or just people who love each other ! You are my pile that moves independent mostly , what you want you really go out there and get it for you ! To make you feel good , to add to the list of your accomplishments! You feel like this

“Twin flame “ thing might take you off your tracks as far as being independent , you’re not really ready for that level of emotion !! You definitely are dealing with someone who is KARMIC to you and is capable of mirroring to you , your faults ! You’re just not ready for that !! I wouldn’t 100% say you have interacted with your twin flame if you even have one ! I just feel like one of you may think that and the other is feeling so off about it. You’re hiding from the things that are triggering you which is so normal but at some point you’ll HAVE to face it !! Take it gently! Never with force ✨

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PILE 4 - BRIDESMAIDS

(Mini 18+ warning )

You’re so not good with rejection of any kind !! lol you can be the type of person who is like go big or go home ! you will literally pay an arm and leg for something you really want !!! You have a very abundant mind set and can actually create and manifest with that gift so amazingly !! You take action you’re not lazy whatsoever , you are a money maker and may even work from home to where you still are in the comfort of your own Space ! The message for you is to maintain this abundant mindset and you never know where you’ll end up in the next 6 years as far as goals are concerned!! Venus is ushering in some good sex for you ! It’s almost like you work with a goddess connected to Venus and you can manifest the person , place & time lol your definitely a Conjurer or a sorceress an empress , you may work with water as well , I’m seeing water offerings !! So you have a deep connection to the element of water. You could be a Pisces I’m feeling that sign heavily! you may also have a Scorpio Venus for some or even a Jupiter in Taurus for others ! You are really so godly ! The shape , the body, the energy its all goals !!! 🔥🔥

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Hope you enjoy 💛

IG: @ soleccentric

[oneknightstand-if]

Fencing Club Route is a Go!

Update 2: Chapter 1 Part 3 - Fencing Club Route

Don't feel like playing polo? Join the fencing club instead!

Play the Updated Beta Test

(Since there were bugs reported throughout Chapter 1 & 2, your current saves are probably going to reset to the beginning of each section of the game)

*If you're getting error messages or the fencing club route isn't showing up properly for you (after you refreshed and restarted the game), you'll need to clear your cache. More details found here.*

Additional Word Count (Sans Code): 120,000+ Additional Word Count (With Code): 155,000+ New Total Word Count (Sans Code): 614,000+ New Total Word Count (With Code): 833,000+ Average Playthrough: ~60,000 words

Note: You can view the game code on my site the same way you do on Dashingdon just add /scenes to the end of the URL.

Next Update

Merlin's Guide to Minor Enemies

A bucketload of owed texts & e-mails to the MC

Decisions of great import... just where are you sleeping in that motorhome?

A̴ ̴C̴o̶m̴p̷l̷e̵t̷e̴l̴y̵ ̶N̴o̷r̸m̴a̶l̵ ̵G̴a̴s̸ ̶S̵t̵a̷t̷i̶o̷n̸ ̵S̴t̸o̷p̷

Take part in your first multi-user spell! (Potentially depending on the length of the gas station stop?)

Meet the next Harbinger - RO #4 (Potentially depending on the length of the gas station stop?)

Link to New Polls on the Update (Which don't auto close in a week like the Tumblr ones)

Also...

I'm currently coming down with something (Covid test says not that, so maybe just the flu?) so I'll be taking a bit of a break after this.

More (Fiddly) Info on the Update Behind the Spoiler Cut...

The Update Also Includes...

Calmly letting Merlin into your apartment after escaping the monster-under-the-bed no longer removes the mute flag

Fixed Adrian literally calling the MC as "MC" in the pub

Fixed expresso back to espresso AGAIN *stares at it*

Fixed the phil_status 2 bug AGAIN (Somehow I must've reverted a bunch of bug fixes in Chapter 1)

Fixed bug where MC's name permanently changes to their pseudonym if the player tried to back out of the renaming screen

Fixed the "On second thought, let me try a different fake first name…" option so it only asks the player to change their fake first name (as originally intended)

Fixed some dialogue with Adrian depending upon your clothing choices in the polo club branch

Fixed the Adrian text messaging bug. Again. Hopefully third time is the charm.

Fixed bug where your current job being your dream employment wasn't triggering the positive job attitude flavor text

Fixed bug where the mute flag was being toggled off when interacting with Adrian regarding your fancy outfit before the polo club meeting

Choice where Lucid Dreamer MC talks to Modern Arthur about Merlin's dreamwalking advice is now set to toggle only when the MC speaks to Merlin in the Camelot dream sequence

Fixed bug with the user's input option for Business Casual outfit

User's choice option for Business Casual & Business Suit now toggles pants or skirt variable

Fixed bug with the Cracking text effect in darkmode

All piercings & scars now available in one choice during customization.

Fixed bug (AGAIN!) when Lucky MC fails the luck check to escape the bed monster

Added reactions to Camelot-affiliated names belonging to inanimate objects.

Fixed *set ag2 2 -1 bug in Camelot dream sequence (I wonder how that didn't trigger QuickTest)

A Bit More Info on the Update Mechanics

The decision on which club you join is one of the first questions in Chapter 1, so players will have to restart from pretty early on. However the fencing club flavor text will continue to run throughout the rest of the game (including in the Camelot dream sequence with the Courtyard branch for the Lucid Dreamer MC).

Otherwise this current update does not progress the game further into Chapter 2.

Also Part 2....

We lost power to part of the house (thankfully not including my computer), and while I'm usually the one who deals with the circuit breakers, since I'm currently sick I asked my mother to do it this one time. She turned the power off to the entire house. 🥲 The uninterruptible power source did nothing and now my computer and the microwave are bugging out. I'm just going to lie down now.

[tunnelsnacks]

A longish list of Fo4 mods that hopefully won't break your game if you're playing on Next Gen (This list is very much catered to my specific play style and my love of the Minutemen and the Railroad, BOS look elsewhere)

I'll add more or edit this list when I find other mods that I like which play nice or if one's on here are incompatible

The Technical Ones:

Extended Dialogue Interface You'll need F4SE For this one though I'm pretty sure you need it for quite a few. The extended dialogue interface does what it says on the tin and removes the short four options you have for responses and gives you exactly what your sole survivor is going to be saying so you don't end up being incredibly racist towards Nick when the option says 'sarcastic'.

HUDFramework is a UI framework that makes it possible for mods to add new UI elements to the HUD (I say don't worry about this one until it's in a requirement for mods you're getting)

Cheat Terminal Yes, yes I know how some people feel about this kind of mod. I've been playing fallout 4 for like 10 years, I don't have fun scouring every corner of Boston's armpit looking for clipboards. This is a holotape cheat menu that lets you add anything in the game to your inventory, SPECIAL points and other bits. It also lets you teleport companions to your location if they get stuck in an elevator, fix some faction quest if they get broken. This one is great for me because in my little make believe world I have my soul survivor is either a Courser or the Kellogg guinea pig and there's options to make you a little more deadly

Workshop Framework For Players: New controls and faster, more stable workshop scripts. For Modders: Add new resource types, override settings, and generally change the way settlements work dynamically. You'll need this bad boy for a few of the mods on this list They'll be in the requirements for them on nexus

Fallout Priority Next-Gen - CPU Performance FPS Optimizer Does what it says on the tin and stops me from ripping my hair out. Improves performance by elevating the CPU Priority of the game process and minimizes input lags and prevents stutters caused by other processes.

Workshop Menu Missing Tabs Fix Sometimes your workshop tabs will just disappear which is really really annoying. This fixes that with a holotape

The Immersion/Gameplay Ones:

Realistic Death Physics - No Animations decreases the amount of force of both melee and ranged attacks (especially crits) to more realistic levels

Lowered Weapons I hate how your character is always pointing their gun foward 100% of the time in first person, this has your character relax their hold on their gun when not firing it

Improved Maps and Visible Roads A much better high contrast world map with roads, topography, and waterline all clearly visible. Optional number grid and regions

Reverb and Ambiance Overhaul Increases the diversity and dynamics of in-game sound, Great on the ears if you're playing with headphones. My one problem with it though is that it's a little too loud for me and the settings keep resetting every time I boot up the game, but that can be fixed by going into your sound settings, and it takes less than 5 seconds

Enhanced Blood Textures Mixed blood look a little more like well... blood

Vivid Fallout all-in-one In many cases they sharpened the games original textures somewhat, made new normal maps and enhanced shadowing.It looks really good and the textures are less V-Ram heavy than the original ones

Skip Kellogg's Memories I hate that Bethesda felt the need to try to make me sympathetic towards that man, and so I skip his memories all together. Wouldn't recommend for a first play through

Raiders Nonaggressive Raiders are now name "Wastelander" and they are no longer immediately hostile. If the player gets to close the Wastlander will warn you, if you continue to get close the Wastelander will draw a weapon, if you continue to move forward from there they will then attack

Gunners Overhaul makes the Gunners friendly to the player at the start of the game. It also makes all containers and useful items in Gunner areas belong to the Gunner faction, which means you have to steal it from them.  It basically makes them the mercenary/militia faction they're implied to be

Extremely Long Lasting Stealth Boy There is different scales for the length but I do the one that extends it to 1 minute

Pip-Boy Flashlight This one is one of my personal favorites, it overhauls the flashlight on your pip-boy as well as on power armour making it look more like an actual flashlight and like the light is coming from your pip-boy. You can customise what kind of light it is too and some of the options are really cool

Settler and Companion Dialogue Overhaul reduces or eliminates repetitive companion dialogue and adds new situation-appropriate dialogue for companions. They'll have more to say and seem more aware of their surroundings. Settlers are aware of your quest progression, and while they still occasionally complain about "my back hurts, my feet hurt…", they display increased awareness of the dangers lurking in the Commonwealth, expressing gratitude for the protection you've provided them

Better Third Rail this one makes the 3rd rail a little more lively in a lore friendly way

Combat zone restored-restored brings back the cut content that made the combat zone more than just another dungeon

Friendly East City Downs restores the content where this isn't just another dungeon

Fiddler's deliver animation retexture ooooh my god I'm obsessed with this one it makes the loading animations for unarguably the best gun in the game beautiful. And if you're wearing your wedding rings still you can see it in the animation and it makes my heart hurt each time

Natural expression fix helps make the expressions the player and emphasis have a little more...normal

Project reality footsteps changes almost all footstep sounds into more realistic ones. Including subtle gear and backpack rattle

Commonwealth encounter adds almost 300 new encounters to the game

The Faction/Companion Ones:

Afiinity Gains This changes the rate of how you gain affinity with companions. I choose the one that halves it because of the way I play, I get deacon's conversations a lot sooner than I feel is in character for him

Companions Infinite Ammo Gives the vanilla companions infinite ammo for all weapons, just like settlers. As long as they have 1 round in inventory they can fire indefinitely

Companions Stealth Distance Companions can sneak is the one I got before this but it's no longer compatible. It prevents your companion from charging up your booty at full speed whenever you enter stealth. Also slightly increases their follow distance. Now also prevents Dogmeat from entering player crosshairs every damn time you stop

Immersive Dogmeat Makes him a little more sneaky and a little more deadly. He'll wait for you to attack before doing anything for the most part. It also removes his level cap

Everyone's Best Friend Speaking of dog meat, this mod let's you take him with you and a companion at your choice like how it was originally intended before the game was launched

Preston Garvey No Radiant Settlement Quests Until you take the Castle, Preston will give you the quests as normal. After you have control of the castle and the radio powered up again, he'll stop giving you new quests every time you speak with him. Now to receive further quests you simply tune into the Minutemen radio station and will receive the alerts from there.

Deacon outfit change change stop deacon from changing clothes every three seconds. This one's for my own little game play reasons where he gets to a point where he feels like he no longer needs to change his clothes every 5 seconds when he's with Wanderer

Improved Railroad Overhauls the Railroad faction (in a lore friendly way) to more closely resemble the Underground Railroad and put them on the same level relative to the other major factions

Cleaner Railroad HQ Environment This is when I instal a little bit after joining the railroad, it gets rid of all of the trash and random bricks scattered throughout HQ

Railroad redone is an overhaul of HQ Even though the Railroad is a struggling faction in the commonwealth at the start of the game, I still feel that their base of operations in vanilla fallout 4 is extremely underwhelming. This mod fixes that by changing the physical environment. There's now personalized spaces for iconic characters like Desdemona, tinker-tom, deacon and others. The Player character also has their own quarters with a private terminal, bed, and power-armor station. It cleans up all trash -and some bricks and re-navmeshed the cell. And there's a pathway across the waters in the escape tunnel

More railroad exits adds a small little dungeon and two more exits into the inner city through the escape tunnel

Diverse railroad adds new faces to the unnamed NPC associated with the railroad

Railroad redemption This adds more bits to for the railroad associated with settlements, and allure friendly way it makes the railroad feel bigger and outside the scope of just the player

Railroad perks All of the quest reward perks for Railroad quests were cut before the game was released. This mod enables them at the appropriate times in doing Railroad Quests through a scavenger hunt style "quest"

You and what army Have you ever felt like the minutemen were a bit lacking? Perhaps the settlement system feels tedious, extra, or simply lacks real progression for you. Maybe even wondered why the minutemen seem less relevant the more you play? This mod aims to fix that, using your settlements as a base to expand the Minutemen and improve their ability to help the commonwealth. No longer will everything be entirely on the shoulders of one general. I love this one because in my head Preston and I are co-generals

We are the Minutemen The Minutemen are supposed to be the best alternative for rebuilding the Commonwealth because : More settlements = More resources = Better materials = Better fire power and a larger presence in all the Commonwealth. But currently this is not the case, this mod attempts to fix that

We are the men an alias framework gives the Minutemen ranks and lets you find out their names using the Alias Framework.

The Pretty Ones:

Forest Transforms the Commonwealth into a dense and overgrown forest landscape without disabling precombines. It's my favorite nature overhaul. Tree Trim is a 2024 patch for it that improves tree placement and compatibility (but you can open console commands and type 'disable' after selecting one if there's a tree in a place where a tree shouldn't be)

Animated Traffic Lights This makes the traffic lights thought the Commonwealth work again which I think is fun and goes nicely visually wise with the next one on my list

Lighting Series - All In One lights up red rockets, Starlight and other diners neon, bus stops adds, and illuminates billboards in the Commonwealth

Lightweight Lighting The lighting overhaul lighting mod I use, there are others out there higher on the endorsement list, but this is the best I've found for not tanking my fps while still looking fantastic

Interiors Enhanced - Darker Ambient Light and Fog Ambient light power and fog brightness inside all interiors reduced by 60%, without touching any directional light sources whatsoever, keeping lighting 100% true to vanilla except for those dark corners and unlit areas. Subways are actually dark and scary! Not just a filter, actual light data has been altered. 10/10 my fav lighting mod

Enhanced Lights and FX creates more atmospheric and realistic lighting. It overhauls the lights, effects, ambient light and creates a new mood for interiors. If you get a weird teal light at some locations it might be because of this mod

Darker Nights The lighting ones above look really cool with this. I have the lower setting that doesn't make the nights longer but adds just a little more night

The Flora and Fauna Ones:

Glowing Animals Emit Light Makes glowing animal variants emit light, scaled to their size

Fireflies This adds fireflies at night. It gets a little heavy at the start for my taste but there's a holotape that can tweak the settings

Wildlife overhaul less aggressive creatures and companions This mod makes prey cautious but still scared - also stops companions from hunting them down without cause. Additionally randomizes the animals height slightly, and adjusts some stats. Adds aggression radius to most creatures and robots

Squirrels of the Commonwealth there's squirrels now :)

Mutant Menagerie is a real fun one with all new creatures gathered from a wealth of public access sources. These new, lore-friendly creatures come with unique drops and hand-placed spawns. This mod also adds in dozens of dynamic spawns for new, vanilla, and DLC creatures alike! I'm not going to tell you what it's using as a shell but there's a giant hermit crap and the first time I saw one I was genuinely afraid

More Radstags adds more radstags

Commonwealth Chickens and Rabbits adds, you guessed it! Chickens and rabbits

Commonwealth wilderness overhaul adds a ton of hand placed scenes, objects and creatures across the entire commonwealth wilderness

DECAY makes feral ghouls terrifying

The Player and NPC Ones:

Rusty face fix so there's this bug right? Bug changes the colour of your characters and NPC faces and it's really annoying. This mod fixes that

Classic Ghouls Redux Every Ghoul in the vanilla game gets a Fallout 3/NV ghoul look. It gives them that gruesome falling apart look like the older games

FCO - HD Eyes My fav eye mod that just enhances the vanilla eyes. There's the eyes of beauty but I feel like that mod is too over the top and the eyes, while beautiful, don't fit the game

Ponytail Hairstyles This is the hair mod I think fits best with the vanilla textures, also 13 is my favorite

Lore-Friendly Maxson I don't even see his stupid face in my games, I just need to know that he actually looks like a 23 year old before I blow up his stupid blimp. But seriously, there's something more heavy about knowing that you're destroying a ship whose captain is someone who is so so young

Magnolia is not a cartoon makes Magnolia look a little bit more like the fantastic Linda Carter who is her voice actor. Hi Linda!

Shawn goes to bed this one's a spoiler so don't click on it unless you know what happens at the end of the main quest but now your son goes to bed at night

Eli's Armor Compendium Adds a bunch of new lore friendly armors and outfits to the game

Wasteland fashion also adds a bunch of more friendly outfits and armors

Black Metal pip-boy Makes the pip-boys in game black

Player comments and head tracking makes your character speak other then just in dialog scenes. Includes combat taunts, player hello's, responses to NPC's and much, much more including player head tracking

The Settlement Ones:

Transfer Settlement Blueprints This mod is currently not working if you're playing with the next gen. The author's most recent update on the 5th of June says that their hard work's paying off, and they're getting to a point where they're testing the mechanics of it. Basically this mod lets you download other people's settlements that they've made and posted on Nexus to have them be in your game and vice versa. Since this mod is currently out of commission, I won't include any transfer settlement mods in this list but Fiddleflaps has the best one's in my opinion

IDEK's Logistics Station 2 Adds a system to automatically manage supply lines, improve the efficiency of inter-settlement resource sharing, and adds a handful of minor convenience features.

Place Everywhere My beloved, makes building where you want them a lot easier

Scrap Everything And in game version of a console command disable that lets you delete things while you're in build mode. Be very careful with this 'cause if you delete a part of Sanctuary's road I'm not responsible for the 30 minutes you had to reload to

Icebreaker Settlements 400+ new carefully selected lines of settler dialogue to reduce the repetitive sound of the 168 original. All lines in the original actors' voices. Intended to blend in very naturally with the default lines. Settler dialogue lines that insulted the player character were also tweaked

Graygarden Planters Unlocks the ability to craft the planters at Graygarden after you clear the water purifying plant and talk to Supervisor White. Each planter yields the same amount of plants that are visible in the planter

Proper trading stores and animation Changes how trading stand look and settler animations to be the same as the crafting workbenches So now, an armor-smith who sells your armor would be seen like he actually made the armor

Settlers Go Shopping Your stores in your settlement are no longer empty and silent. Settlers occasionally go shopping and start different randomized conversations with the vendors. Or maybe just the vendors asks them about buying something. Invisible Shopping Marker version is available too

Dino's Decorations Gives you the option to craft static clutter, makes settlements feel more lived in

Sanctuary Hills Overhaul is my favorite Sanctuary mod and the one I used for like 7 years straight . It makes it so there were a few plane crashes near sanctuary and previous settlers used the bits of those planes to build walls and homes

Rickety restored Sanctuary bridge fixes the bridge in Sanctuary but in a lore friendly way

Anom's Sanctuary Hills Overhaul makes the houses there somewhere to the ones and the rest of the commonwealth instead of 'houses of the future' It also adds a community centre and a hotel in a lore friendly way

Starlight bus barricade is an overhaul of Starlight Drive, it's very fun but very big

CVC Dead Wasteland Workshop adds 1000s of unique, lore friendly items to build in your settlements and I love it, The candles and other lighting they have or an excellent touch for low/no power settlements

Settlement supplies expanded is another workshop expansion , this one adds about 400 things

[justanotherfanartist]

heeey guys little social help here? (poll at the end)

get ready for a rare real life lore dump (yippee) because I have a social scenario I’m not sure how to handle. this is your chance to have input on my life like some sort of rpg (if you’re into that kind of thing lmfao)

(I really really hate outing my age range like this but I feel like it might impact peoples choices so. just know I’m on the older end alright)

So, I went to this nearby jazz festival on Saturday. Basically, it’s an event that pulls a bunch of local highschools and their upper and lower level jazz bands together (I’m in my schools lower level group) to compete for awards and finalist placements and stuff like that (very fun very cool experience every time) and something that’s become a habit of mine is scanning each group for anyone interesting and it just happened that there was this guy from another school’s upper band that really stood out to me.

He is genuinely one of the prettiest guys I’ve ever laid eyes on, bro is GORGEOUS and also an amazing trombone player with super clean tone (and was part of a killer trombone soli) so naturally I’m pretty smitten. For real as soon as you start playing an instrument yourself “being good at an instrument” is immediately something added to your type which makes going to these things an interesting experience.

Anyways, I thought he was attractive enough to try and shoot my shot (I do this kinda thing every so often especially if I think I’ll get rejected just as a confidence booster. works like a charm btw) so I made up my mind that hey, we all stash our instruments in the same place, so after the finalists concert when everybody goes to grab their gear and pack up I’ll go up to him and ask him if he wants my number before we all have to leave for the night. Pretty non instrusive introduction that guarantees a short conversation and an excuse for him to leave if I happen to make him uncomfortable, that sort of thing. (I love planning out social interactions in my head before I have them)

(also this is fr the strat bc a) “hey do you want my number?” gives the person a choice and b) if they do say yes awkwardly in the moment but regret it they can always just decide not to text you; it puts the ball more in their court rather than you getting their number and texting them first, that sort of thing)

so that’s exactly what I did. I tapped him on the shoulder, he turned around, and the interaction went like this:

“Hey, you’re one of the trombone players from (insert local highschool’s upper band) right?”

“Yeah?”

“I was just wondering, would you want my phone number? :D”

“Oh, I’m actually not looking for anything right now.”

“Hey, no problem.”

“Thanks though. :)”

“Yeah ‘course!”

and then we split ways.

As of today I found their jazz group’s page on instagram (basically, I’m going around and following all the ones that I thought were really good, including his who placed first just ahead of my school’s upper band in second)(we were psyched btw cus their group is known for crushing everyone so being up there second only to them felt pretty good) and I realized he’s probably following them and I actually did manage to find his page, which is privated (oddly enough he happens to be followed by someone who I very loosely know) so it’s request to follow only.

My question is would it be weird to request to follow him? Based on my instagram page and what I have up he might not be able to recognize me but I’m guessing he’ll know it’s me just because of our interaction and the follow request, but I’m not sure if I’d be breaking a social boundary if I did that.

I don’t intend to hit on him or push him for romance or anything like that— I got a clear and polite “no thanks” and I’m not going to infringe on that full stop (boundaries are to be respected always). Blanket statement I think this guy is cool and an impressively good player, I’d legitimately want to see him perform again or possibly be friends (I’m starved for jazz friends) but I’m just reallllyyy worried it’s gonna come off as creepy or boundary breaking to request a follow so I’m not sure if I should or not.

(my logic is that he already rejected a request for communication so requesting to follow him is essentially doing the same thing again and might come off as creepy or pushing it and the last thing I want is to make this guy uncomfortable. on the other hand it could be seen as completely harmless or even flattering depending on the person but I’m really not sure.)

mutuals give me opinions bc I’m curious what you think (also I’d really appreciate it if you picked something other than maybe lmao or left me a comment of your thoughts or smthn like that. I may be overthinking this)

(asterisk is for extra info for the first poll option)

*regardless of your intentions, which he is unable to truly discern, but will probably assume is still romantic pursuit

[theabyssqueen]

Chara is our partner, not our victim (rant)

Warning: may sound like Chara hate to some, but Chara is actually one of my favorite characters in Undertale since childhood. I love them. Please keep this in mind while reading this.

Undertale fandom (especially on Youtube and ESPECIALLY Tiktok) try to use critical thought and realise after 8 years that Chara is just as responsible for the Genocide route and is a willing participant in it challenge (impossible)

Like how can you think that Chara is punishing you for your sins at the end of Genocide or is disgusted with you if they helped you throughout it all?

We do not corrupt them.

We do not manipulate them.

Chara is your partner on equal grounds. They make it very clear right at the end of Genocide that you were never in control.

I repeat: we are NEVER in control of Chara.

Treating them as a lost and confused baby without any freedom of choice or thought is a disservice to the character.

Proof under the cut.

The Genocide Run has strict requirements for it to be started. For red text to appear, you need to kill 20 monsters in the Ruins, fully clearing them out. Yet, if you kill the first Froggit you meet, AND 19 monsters, Genocide does not begin. Why is that? I thought Chara was corrupted by all the LV and EXP we are gaining!

It's because Chara doesn't care if the first Froggit is killed or not. Only the monsters after it count.

Additionally, the last chance that Genocide can be aborted is right before Mettaton NEO, at which point, you should be at LV 15. Thing is, this LV can be reached even during a Neutral Run, by grinding 39 Knight Knights in the CORE. Yet, red text still doesn't appear.

Sparing monsters in Genocide is possible and doesn't deter Chara from the Run (but only if it's a common encounter).

Chara berates you if Snowdrake gets away and Genocide is aborted immediately.

Chara keeps count of the monsters needed to be killed and will stop you from advancing further in some sections if there are still monsters left.

They could easily just not do all of that.

Frisk's independent actions out of the Player's control during Genocide are actually not theirs, but Chara's. Chara kills Flowey, Asgore, and Sans. And while an argument could be made for us influencing Chara into killing Sans, the same cannot be made for Asgore's and Flowey's deaths. There isn't even any FIGHT button for us to press. The only thing we are doing at this point is advancing dialogue.

And this is considering that Flowey and Asgore were/are both Chara's family, or at least akin to one.

Listen, I get it. I also hate when people put all the blame on Chara. I also dislike when people just stamp "evil" onto them and erase all possible nuance. But that doesn't mean that we should go right into the opposite direction and act as if they're innocent or righteous.

At the end of Genocide, no matter your input on the matter, Chara ends the world. Not just you, not just the monsters still left alive in the Underground, but the whole universe. That indescribably outweighs all the misdeeds we have done during the Run.

Just think about it. Is really killing EVERYONE in the world justifiable, if you do it to punish someone? Even a murderer? To make them "see the consequences of their actions"?

How does that make sense?

How does that elevate them from you in any capacity?

Is it because they talk of "perverted sentimentality", which evades even them? Chara only talks about it if you try to return to the world you had a part in destroying. Chara only talks about if on the 2nd+ Genocide Run you do not comply with erasing everything.

In fact, if you play along, they compliment you. And they don't say anything about your feelings on the matter.

Killing and erasing is encouraged. If you do so, in Chara's eyes, you are a beneficial and trustworthy partner.

And the photo. The photo that appears at the end of Soulless Pacifist if you leave Toriel. Instead of Frisk, Chara is shown, and everyone else's faces are crossed out, implying that they are dead.

Some argue that this is just Chara trying to scare you, or remind you of all the murder you've committed, keeping you responsible.

Alphys is scribbled out.

It is impossible to kill Alphys in Genocide.

It's possible she kills herself during some pretty bad Neutral Runs. Not to mention that, in general, a lot of Neutral Runs are just as, if not worse than Genocide.

Why won't Chara guilt trip you for having done them, then?

And I just can't wrap my mind around someone thinking that Chara is literally pulling a "just a prank bro" here. Especially considering that this is never shown or hinted at to be the case.

And as the icing on the cake, look at the text that appears after the end of Genocide in the Undertale Demo:

To me, at this point, thinking that Chara is innocent is just denial.

Yes, Chara offers trying out a different route next time. Yet they sure as hell won't stop encouraging it if it is started all over again. No matter if it's the 1st, 2nd, or 100th time you decide to kill everyone to wipe out the world, Chara will play along. This is considering the fact that their dialogue changes on the 2nd Genocide, and thus, proof that Chara's memory is unaffected by RESETs or ERASEs.

Yes, Chara says that YOU were the one who lead this world to ruin. But in my opinion, considering their offer for you to try out a different path, and their actions in Soulless Pacifist (which are, again, out of their own volition and unprompted), Chara's ultimate goal is to take over your/Frisk's soul. Which is why the point fingers and erase their contribution in all the murder, to try and make you feel guilty for it, seeing how you clearly do not wish to part with this world so easily.

Evidently, they've succeeded.

Chara would never get what they want at the end, if not for your help. And you wouldn't get what you want, if not for Chara's help.

The Player and Chara are partners. Let's never forget that.

Credit to the Undertale Text Project for the screenshots and to the nochocolate blog for opening my eyes all those years ago. I love you nochoco.

[jimmyogames]

Game Feel and How It Can Make or Break an Experience

What's up. I'm Jimmy, also known as JCJimmy, also known as "shitty Ridley", also known as yet another douchebag on the internet.

Things I hate about the essays I see online: meandering, summarizing, and barely-supported theses. It's my goal with this blog to avoid these pitfalls, or may God or Allah or whoever strike me down with a flaming, nuclear anvil like the proverbial Looney Tune I am.

With that out of the way, today I want to talk about "game feel", and particularly how it can strongly affect one's ability to enjoy games regardless of their other qualities.

Let's start from the top: what the fuck does "game feel" even mean? Video games are usually on screens, right? Is game feel the sensation of a cold, Dorito-smeared screen against your equally-smeared hands? No. Is it the Dorito-smeared controller in your hands? Partially, but also no. Believe it or not, what I call "game feel" has nothing to do with Doritos at all!

When I say "game feel", I'm actually talking about a few different things — all bunched together like three kids in a trench coat. The elements of game feel are "controls", "pacing", and "feedback". Let's explore each of these one at a time, starting with controls.

So obviously, what makes video games stand apart from movies is that you have the ability to play them — to control them, interact with them, influence the events within to produce various outcomes. A movie will always go through the same series of scenes at the exact same pace, every single time. Video games are the exact opposite: there are infinitely many ways that they can play out depending on the unique series of command any given player inputs. That's the core of games as a whole, even beyond the digital realm. What you do matters.

But games are as varied as the people who play them, and every game controls differently, has different ways for you to interface with them. In Pong, for instance, you can only move your paddle up and down, and that movement is instantaneous the millisecond you move your joystick. Then you have something like the original Super Mario Bros. Compared to the titles that came after it, the very first Mario is ludicrously simple; yet compared to Pong, it might as well be a leap into a new dimension. Pressing the arrows on the D-pad doesn't just move Mario any which way instantly. First of all, you can only move left and right; vertical movement is controlled by the jump button. Beyond that, unlike in Pong, Mario is governed by a set of physics. Just like in real life, he has to build up to his maximum speed and ramp down when he wants to stop. Jumping has a distinct arch and is affected by the speed at which you were travelling. Running and jumping are ostensibly Mario's only mechanics, but you can see just how complicated his control is versus what came before, yeah?

Well, as we all know, just as there was a leap from Pong to Super Mario Bros., video games would only become more and more complex with time. Third-person action games like Resident Evil 4 and Dark Souls make the NES look like a toy for infants with how many inputs there are to learn and master; and the less I say about DOOM: Eternal's trillions of inputs, the better.

What I'm trying to say, though, isn't that simple controls or complex controls are better or worse than the other. I simply want to emphasize just how varied games can be on the basest of levels, and why it's important to consider how a game controls before anything else — because the ease with which you can pick up a game and start playing is often what makes or breaks an experience altogether.

This is why I, personally, can't stand playing Super Mario 64. To me, the controls of that game just don't aren't fun to interface with. The physics of the original Super Mario Bros. are already rough enough to get used to, but put that same hefty gravity and momentum into the third-dimension, and it goes from being something to get accustomed to to a wet blanket weighing down the overall experience. I don't like making jumps in Mario 64; I don't like the wall-jump and how finnicky it is; and I really don't like it when the game expects precision performance with such clunky movements.

Super Mario Sunshine, on the other hand, controls like a dream to me. It's as if the iron ingots in Mario's underwear were extracted, giving him the freedom to fly through the air with agility that 64 Mario could only dream of. Couple that with FLUDD and the number of different techniques like the spin jump, and Sunshine is about as "fluid" as a 3D platformer can get, to my estimation. When I boot up Sunshine, I can hop right in and get to having fun in the various jungle gyms the game has constructed for me; when I boot up 64, I feel an exhaustion overtake me before I even get off the main menu, knowing that I'll have to take some time to reacclimate myself with Mario's gelatinous jumps and acrobatics. And don't even get me started on the actual Metal Mario you can play as.

Like I said earlier, however, control is only a third of what makes up "game feel"; another element of it is the game's pacing.

Pacing, put simply, is the flow of events from one to another. Think of how long movie scenes last before there's a camera cut to a different shot. The amount of time it takes for each cut is part of the pacing; the general progression of the narrative is the other big part of pacing. Both of these factors apply to games as well.

Just as every game controls differently, every game is paced differently, as well. There are fast games — Super Meat Boy, Ultrakill, and of course the likes of Sonic. There are slow games, too — puzzle games like Portal, text-heavy games like Disco Elysium, and even platformers that require more deliberation from the player, like Castlevania. The overall speed of a game can be either appealing or unappealing depending on what you like, or even how you feel at any given moment. No game is inherently flawed from its general pacing alone.

That said, games can be paced poorly, regardless of the speed at which they play. Let's pick on Sonic, as I am wont to do. Most of his games are blistering from start to finish, but there are a few outliers that really shit the bed. One of the most infamous examples is Sonic Unleashed, where half the game is spent running around like a coke fiend at a hundred miles an hour... and the other half is a half-baked God of War ripoff beat-'em-up that moves at a fraction of a snail's pace. That wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing if the two gameplay styles were integrated more cohesively. Instead, most of the time, you get to play one super-fast level before being thrown headfirst into a series of brawler stages that each take upwards of twenty minutes to complete. That is poor pacing, and if it's poor enough, it can easily be a reason why someone would drop their controller and go off to do something like pay their taxes, because even that's more entertaining than another half an hour of Sonic x DMC stuck in a brick of molasses.

On the contrary, when a game is paced really well, it can be downright hypnotizing, and you can kiss many hours of your life goodbye before you even start playing. Ultrakill, for instance, is broken up into levels that can be cleared sometimes in under a minute. This makes it appealing to go through stages again and again, grinding your times down; and because the game is just so fucking fast, it never feels like you're stuck doing one thing for too long. An hour of playing Ultrakill barely feels like any time at all. Again, though, even games with lower speed can have intoxicating pacing. Disco Elysium gets sucked off every day between my friends and I, and I'm about to give it another round of sloppy dome for how well it's paced. While it's slow to go around, talking to people, wading through mountains of text, there's always something interesting for you to do in DE. You can help solve local mysteries, try and recover pieces of your missing identity, learn about the history of the slum you're stuck in, or even, if you truly must... try and deal with that pesky case that your partner keeps telling you is sooo important.

Good pacing makes it easy to slip into a "flow-state", a kind of zen where you and the game are like lovers, entwined in a waltz of fun and frolic that can only be broken by realizing that it's nine PM and you have work tomorrow and oh god I haven't eaten yet and-

Bad pacing is a dance where neither you nor your partner know the moves and so you kind of just bumble around until you end up falling on your face and wishing dearly that you were anywhere else, doing anything else.

Lastly, an often overlooked aspect of a game's feel is its "feedback". The exact definition of "feedback" as it pertains to video games can be a bit nebulous, but if I were to try and describe it the best I can, I would say that feedback is how a game responds to your actions.

Donkey Kong Country Returns is one of my all-time favorite games, and it masters game feel in many ways. One such way is how the game responds to what DK does in the world. When you jump on an enemy, for example, there's a loud, satisfying bop that plays both from the game and from your Wiimote, emphasizing just how well you gave that baddie a righteous smackdown. DKCR puts you in the shoes of your player character masterfully; every jump you make, every enemy you kill makes you feel like you're actually a five-hundred pound gorilla, mercilessly bulldozing your way to reclaim what's rightfully yours.

But when a game lacks feedback, it's just kind of... underwhelming. Imagine if you stomped on a Goomba in Mario and there wasn't a nice little ba-boop in response to the impact. Imagine if you didn't bounce up either, so you just kind of fell down on top of the Goomba, silently flattening it. That would be so fucking lame, right?

I wanted to try and keep my examples diverse here, but since he just has so much relevant material, I'll talk about Sonic again. Particularly Sonic 2006, that notorious stain on the franchise's record that I am honestly surprised it survived. 06 has enough problems to fill a book, but in relation to the topic at hand, one thing it did wrong was feedback. In most other Sonic titles, when you homing attack an enemy, there's a crunchy wham, accompanied by the enemy you just blasted going flying off or outright exploding. It's fast, it's satisfying, and it reinforces the power that you wield while playing as this character. In Sonic 06, when you attack an enemy, there's usually just a little metal... bonk. And that's about it. Most enemies in 06 have large health bars, so don't count on them going flying after only a single hit. Instead, you have to repeatedly hammer them like a bent nail, and when they finally go down, they do so literally, ragdolling as if you were playing Garry's Mod and not a Sonic game. Instead of making you feel strong and giving your actions tangible weight, it makes you feel weak — flaccid, even. You aren't a blue cannonball of death; you're a wet stick slapping around your enemies until they lie down in sheer pity. In any other game, this would be a glaring flaw, but as far as 06 goes, it's just another problem for the pile.

Sonic 06 actually encapsulates all three of the things I've talked about today: it controls like ass; the pacing of its gameplay and story are agonizing, especially if you're a fan of Sonic's usual speed; and it barely reacts to the things you do, making it seem more like you're clacking action figures together rather than controlling a real character in a real, physical world. It is pretty miserable.

As for games with great game feel, I can think of a few examples... DOOM: Eternal, mentioned briefly before, is a pretty stellar one. It controls well (despite the amount of inputs you need to keep track of at all times), it's paced so that any stage never overstays its welcome, and the way demons blow apart into meaty chunks when hit by a Super Shotgun blast says more about its feedback than I ever could. Other games with tremendous game feel (excluding those already discussed) include Pizza Tower, Darkest Dungeon (1 and 2), the Like a Dragon series, both Hotline Miamis, and Sonic Mania (had to throw the blue fuck a bone at least once).

Thus concludes today's discussion. If you got this far, thank you for reading. I want to make running this blog a consistent thing, but for that, I will need support. Feel free to suggest topics for me to talk about using the blog's submission feature, as well as to post your thoughts down below.

If you enjoy this content, please consider supporting me fiscally via Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/jcjimmy. One-time donations are appreciated; subscriptions are very appreciated, and will all but guarantee that this blog continues for the future. I may also consider opening a Patreon if enough support is gathered, but that's just a pipe dream at the moment.

That's all I have to say for now. Take care.

[bwobgames]

Just finished Beebing, as us Beebers tend to do, and compiled a list of the Beeb Bugs (/ finicky game design things) i noticed to help guide you in your valiant quest to Better the Beeb. Hope these help!

(No pressure with any of these by the way, please don’t put too much on your plate and make sure to get plenty of rest!)

Probably contains some spoilers so be aware fellow Beebers

Fullscreen mode please 👉👈

Not an issue (and you can completely ignore me on this) but it’d be very funny if there was an ending where you either choose never to go to the party or leave once you get there. Like. Screen goes dark “and he never found out the true mystery of the mansion” cut to title screen. Totally up to you though just thought it’d be silly. Okay now on to the actual issues i noticed

Tutorial states that backspace will reset things in the demo instead of the space bar (space bar still does that though)

When beeb enters the house for the first time, “one more chance” displays at the top of the screen as if it’s the start to another loop. Wild lore implications, but i’m not sure if they’re lore implications you wish to be implicated

Would be nice if doors were more clearly labeled so players know where the kitchen and office keys go. Secret doors with secrets could be labeled “unknown” until the keys for them have been found, to allow for intrigue while also having that guidance when it is needed

The mini game with the magnet… dunno if it’s bugged or just me but the magnet tends to drop right as it reaches the top. Had to try that one a few times lol (maybe try making the “hit box” a bit bigger? Oh and something prompting the player to stop clicking once the keys have been successfully acquired would be nice)

Some cutscenes have blank screens instead of the pictures, probably intentional but can get confusing at times, especially when there isn’t any guidance/tutorial informing players that they have to click through cutscenes. Even like… having a little arrow at the bottom of the screen would help immensely with that (personal recommendations of what i feel might communicate this best; arrow that bobs up & down, arrow that fades in a little while after the first image of a cutscene shows, or a label prompting the player to click)

Maybe some sort of timestamp thingie for save files if possible. Or some sort of something that marks files that have been saved to (if not a timestamp then maybe something that states where in the game you are, what puzzle/loop the player is at based on pre-existing triggers or variables)

During the “In relation to Eugene Coli, who…?” mini game, there is what appears to be a default grey scroller thing to the right of all the options (text boxes probably a smidge too big)

Can’t access notepad in tiny upstairs room

Kitchen key dialogue plays again when clicking the shelves after already obtaining a key. You don’t get another key, but the dialogue is still there

Right-clicking the door with the number lock then right-clicking the inventory space that shows up will immediately open the place to input the code (skips dialogue). Not necessarily something that needs to be fixed, but might cause issues elsewhere if the same thing happens with similar objects

If you click on Ángel while he’s chilling next to Vivi while you’re trying to solve the sticky note puzzle, he turns around. He turns back around when you exit/return or reset the room

Would be nice to have some way to cancel out accidental button clicks (for example accidentally clicking an object will have beeb walking there & will trigger the dialogue, it’d be nice if there was a way to cancel actions)

As soon as the second loop starts, pressing the spacebar ends the demo. Do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars

No way to exit to title screen from the demo page (was there in the accidental bug one i found but not the actual end of demo screen)

(The demo-related issues probably aren’t very high-priority since they are temporary, so don’t worry too much about fixing those issues since they’ll all jump ship when the full game is released 👍 just thought i’d include them here to be ~thorough~)

Okay that’s all i found!! I’ll probably do another run through at some point to mess around a bit and see if any other bugs show up. Good luck out there soldier 🫡 and thank you so much for making such an amazing game!!!! :D

Now THIS is a rat who knows how to pass the labyrinth!

I also enjoy the beebwords. She beebo'd beebily down the stairs.

I shall answer your concerns!!

This is actually 100% a personal thing, I dont like fullscreen in non 3rd person games, i loose sense of time too easily ): and I like having the ability to look at my notifications. But I'll poll it!

it's too cold to go out!! (unless there's a promise of cute guy?)

Ah yes, the space bar was a secret little key for test players. Backspace toggles "is dialogue running?", backspace reloads the whole room for big glitches. Congratulations! u found my secrets.

This is intentional, it is Beeb's first loop but not the house's >:3

If you talk to Nina again she tells you which door is which, although I've had other rats miss that, I'll see what I can do!

That's a good idea actually, also it shouldn't go back down once you reach the very top. Which evil code is causing this

I thought of that once a friend told me "I stayed 2 minutes looking at a blank screen thinking it was loading" Which is. incredibly funny to me but yeah I should do something about it. No comedy for me.

I also got advised to do that by a fellow rat, I might rember my save files but other people could forger (because i only use one save file). It's gonna be a bit difficult but I am ready I am not a coward I will code that thang!!

Thats a weird one, One of my rats got it but some didn't. I think it has to do with window resolution? I shall make them invisible

That's also intentional, it prevents a glitch, and it will happen in the future too! Nothing can stop my evil glitch-preventing ways.

I'm pretty sure I patched that in the latest release, but I will double check

I'm praying that my current fixes to the code solve that. if not. well. it be like that.

Well yeah, you poked him. hehe

That's very much feasible, although I fear people pressing it on accident and missing dialogue, which already happens just by being very trigger happy with the mouse

Nooo dont press the secret key only for big glitches randomly haha ur so sexy

Oh yeah at that point I expected the player to just. close the game. lmao. But i should probably implement it for the endings.

My rats.,.., they're working full time. I'm really tempted to just upload everything I have so people can tell me about bugs but no!! that's spoiling the fun!!

[spinningbuster98]

Metroid Zero Mission Part 1: Deja vu

Zero Mission is quite the special little game isn’t it?

It was the last Metroid game made by Nintendo R&D1, who had previously made every 2D Metroid game, and it was the last 2D game period until 2017, yikes!

I have quite a long history with this game, as it might just be my second most replayed game in the series after Super (though Dread is steadily catching up)

There’s a LOT to talk about with this game, but I wanted ti start with something simple: the controls!

With Fusion the series did away with Super’s run button, item select, wall jump and made the jump slightly less floaty, all in a way to make Samus feel more responsive and less loose, even if at the cost of all the cool stuff you could pull off in Super

Zero Mission both takes a step further with this approach while also trying to recapture Super’s moveset

Jumping is anything but floaty here: Samus is very heavy now and drops to the ground very quickly. I have mixed feelings on this: on the one hand it makes platforming much more precise than it was in Super, you should never have an awkward time jumping on small platforms like you would in old Tourian in that game. On the other hand however this also feels like an overcorrection to me, because a jump so short feels unsatisfying in some ways, while also being awkward in its own way depending on the circumstance. For example when it comes to wall jumping: it’s great to see this technique back, and it’s certainly put to good use several times...but man does it feel like shit to use! I will never understand why so many people shit on Super’s wall jump while also giving ZM’s a free pass: Super’s has a visual indication to tell you when you should perform it in the form of Samus preparing to kick the wall. The timing of the jump itself, while precise, isn’t really pixel perfect and, due to the floaty physics, you could reach some crazy heights with it. Here, with Samus feeling so heavy, you gain very little height with each wall jump, forcing you to perform several of them in quick succession to get some real height. There’s no visual indication for when to perform the jump, and the timing is borderline pixel perfect due to how briefly Samus will actually keep contact with the wall before falling down, which means that you’ll have to draw your thumb from one end of the D pad to the other super quickly, with a high risk that you’ll accidentaly press either up or down, which will cause Samus to stop somersaulting thus failing the wall jump. It’s taken me 10+ years for me to master this thing and it STILL feels like a total nut cruncher whenever I input the controls!

On the flipside though Infinite Bomb jumping is awesome here! I’ve always hated it in Super due to how long it took for the bombs to blow up, but here they blow up quickly enough for the player to get a consistent and quick rythm, which also makes diagonal bomb jumping surprisingly easy!

One thing I will say is that, if nothing else, the heavier jump mostly gells well with the level design and with Samus’ overall ground speed: Zero Mission’s level design skeleton is still based on the original Metroid’s, meaning it’s 75% composed of mostly straight horizontal hallways that are rather narrow in height and are heavy on the platforming. Samus is the fastest she’s ever been when running, so having a jump that will quickly put you back on your feet to keep on running helps keep the fast pace going, which in turn meshes well with the more horizontal level design. Had this game used Super’s physics, or even Fusion’s, with their floatier jumps, the game would have felt weirdly slow and the act of traversing the world unnatural

[deans-baby-momma]

Law & Love Chapter 19

A/N: Only one more chapter left guys. I hope ya'll have enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it.

It was only about half an hour before I saw headlights coming toward me as I stood at the entrance of Walker farm.

The vehicle slowed and I immediately recognized Beau's red truck. I smile as I step forward and grab the handle when he comes to a stop.

"Hello stranger," I say, happy to see him but that joy quickly fades when I see his face. His brows are furrowed and his lips are clamped into a thin line. 

"What are you doing here?"

Okay, he was upset. If his face hadn't given it away, the anger in his voice surely would. But why was he mad?

"Told you I came to visit a friend," I explain again. "But we had a disagreement and I don't know if I can still consider him a friend."

"Him? Who's him? He wouldn't be a Texas Ranger would he?"

"Uh…..oh-" I say as I realize Beau and Cordell know one another. In fact, that's how I met Cordell; he had come to Helena looking for the man beside me. "-yea. But I'm guessing you've already figured that out."

Beau didn't say anything, just dropped the truck in gear and started driving down the dark highway. It was quiet in the cab, other than Beau's brooding.

"How did you become friends with Walker?" he queried about five minutes later. 

"Funny story," I say, trying to lighten the mood. "He came up a few months back, looking for you. Said he needed help on an old case you two worked together on."

"Mmm," Beau hummed and I started considering how much to tell him. 

"Listen, this was not long after you left and came back to restart your life with your family. I was-" I pause to think of the right word to use. "-bitter.  I felt rejected. I know you and I hadn't really labeled what we were, or weren't but I was feeling down and saw him as a way to try and get over you so I asked him out."

Beau doesn't say a word, he is listening but not giving any input so I continue.  "After our date, he left the next morning but we kept in contact…"

"Your date lasted all night?" Beau asks and I see him grip the steering wheel tight, his knuckles turning white.

"Uh, yea.  He spent the night with me." I know I'm making myself out as a slut but I've decided to come clean - so I do. "We had sex."

"I got the obvious hint."

"So we exchanged numbers and texted or talked everyday. I thought we were becoming more than friends, but apparently I was wrong."

"Y/N," Beau says, and his voice is softer now, almost imploring. "What did he do?"

I shrug, now feeling like an idiot for thinking we were anything more. "Nothing, really. Just put some things into perspective for me."

"That's……vague," Beau announces. "Do I need to turn this truck around and go kick some Ranger ass?"

I laughed. "No. It's okay. Not even worth your time. He's a player. Sex for him is just a way to pass the time. I'm the one who brought intimacy into the equation."

The rest of the drive back is quiet save for the radio playing on low, barely audible. I use the silence to recall all that has happened in the last year of my life.

I leave a narcissistic boyfriend and move halfway across the country, get a job, make friends, get a stalker who almost kills me. One of the so-called friends betrays me in the foulest, tasteless ways - get chummy with and end up moving in with the acting Sheriff at the time - only for him to leave to go back to his ex-wife. Then meet a man who I think could be something more, only to find out he is the exact opposite of who I thought he was. 

To say my life has improved is laughable. Maybe I'm the problem. The common denominator in all those scenarios is me.

“So, um-" I break the stillness. "-how's your wife, Carla, is it? How does she feel about you coming out to pick me up?"

"She doesn't know," Beau grunts out.  

"Oh? Keeping secrets already? That doesn't sound proactive to your relationship."

"Mmhmm," Beau hums and turns into the parking lot of a hotel.  I'm surprised that they live here, seeing as his wife and daughter always seem to be so well off when I'd met them before. 

"I don't live with Carla and Emily any more."

That statement shocks me. I have so many questions. Why? What happened? Is that why he said he was coming back to Helena? But it's my turn to stay quiet while he talks.

"It's not working out between us," he says. "I thought we could be a family again, give Em a stable family foundation but," he pauses and I watch him run a hand over his mouth and down his chin, over the beard there. "Some things have been brought into perspective for me too."

A few hours earlier…….

Looking over the printed page of his words, Beau nods to himself before grabbing the pen and signing his name. He opens the drawer in his desk and slips the page into a notebook; he isn't completely ready to turn it in and doesn't want anyone to see it before he can hand it to his chief.

He walks toward the entrance to the police department and steps out into the warm sunshine. Pulling the sunglasses down over his eyes, he strolls down the sidewalk toward his truck. He is on a mission.

Once across town, he parks on another street and gets out, looking across the two-laned road at the offices of Gibbs & Watson Law Firm. 

Inside the skyscraper, on the 12th floor is the only obstacle in the way of his plans: Carla Delugo-McAllister, paralegal to one of the firm's lawyers. 

This isn't the first time he's visited her while at work, but this is by far the most nerve-wracking. He pulls one of the double doors open, holding it for an elderly couple who was exiting. He nods a welcome to them as they both thank him for his kindness and then heads inside toward the bank of elevators.

Once on the correct floor he strides toward the reception area, smiling as he sees the receptionist, Shayla, adjust herself when she sees who is approaching. 

"Ms. Kenney, how're you today darlin'?"

Her cheeks blush and she tried to suppress a giggle. "Good, Officer Arlen. You here to see Mrs. McAllister?"

"You are one sharp cookie," he teases. "Is she available?"

Shayla picks up the phone and punches in a code before speaking. She nods toward Beau and he smiles his thanks before rounding the desk,  heading  down the hall.

As soon as he steps into the office, he sees Carla studying something on the computer in front of her. Her eyes never leave the screen as she speaks.

"This is a nice surprise."

"We need to talk," he says and Carla finally looks away from whatever she was working on and turns to him.

"This sounds ominous."

Beau gently lays it out for her. How Emily was invited back up to Montana to help with Sunny Day Excursions, how he wants to be honest and truthful with her. 

"I've come to realize that I'm not happy here anymore, Car. I miss the mountains and the fresh air."

"You're going back for her, aren't you?" Carla says, sitting back in her chair, crossing her arms and glaring at him.

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[dominijoyce]

Some Feelings About Disco Elysium

I wanna say, I've never really related to the need of wanting more represantation of your culture and/or community. I understoon the idea and why actual represantation beyond headcanon and fandom interpretation was something many people strive for and need more of. I just never personally could relate to that need - even if it revolved around cultures and communities I am a part of.

Yes, I was always happy when I saw a represantation of those like me, especially if said represantation is positive but I never felt that "I needed this".

Well at least not until playing and finishing Disco Elysium.

I do not want this to be some extremelly long personal post so I will not go in detail of the game itself but as someone who has suffered from psychosis for years now, I don't think I have ever felt so close to the protagonist of the game as I did with Harry.

While I also see Harry as plural, For the entire game I couldn't help but keep thinking how Skills [and items like Necktie] talking to Harry is quite literally how I experience everyday through my life with auditory hallucinations that incidentally do manifest as random inputs out of nowhere in my head that are impossible to locate the source from.

And the way Harry talks, the way he interracts with the world - even if you decide to only pick the most "sane" of the given dialogue options, you still may struggle heavily to be seen as "normal" by other characters in the game. That one is something heavily personal to me as well - when even at the times of me trying my best to mask, the symptoms and effects of my psychosis among other mental disorders still manage to come out and possibly freak others.

And just... In general showing Harry's struggle and him being intense and quite often not being sure what was the intention of his actions either, not knowing why he cannot put the phone down, not being able to stop what he's doing even when he knows he already failed [specifically talking of when you lose a Check but cannot back out even if technically nothing is stopping him from shutting up or not continuing to harm himself, etc.].

He is lost, yes he is a complete amnesiac so that's given but even in later stages of the game where he recovers some parts of himself and the world around him, he is still struggling and quite often openly talking of needing a break and just, stoping everything around him.

I could go on, yes but it would be repetetive of me and if you played the game you probably are able to yourself name multiple other characteristics of Harry not being "sane" no matter how hard he/player might try.

I'm listing all of those because as I mentioned, those are heavily personal and relatable things to me as well. Dare I say, except for amnesia, sometimes my daily life does just feel like playing Disco Elysium. [Although I do suffer from micro-amnesic episodes as well...]

And I didn't know I needed a protagonist like Harry Du Bois in my life, I didn't know I needed a game like Disco Elysium in my life that lets you put on the shoes of a canonically psychotic character and written in a purposefully ugly way. Not romanticising it but also being respectful and not treating Harry as a monster nor a person who will never be part of the society [the ending of the game hit way too close to my heart...]. The game doesn't beat around the bush or tries to minimize the horrors of his mind or characterize them in the way where it feels like the game's genre is meant to be fantasy instead.

The game and the writing of Disco Elysium is just... honest. Honest is a good word. It shows you both the ugliest and the prettiest and the most hurtful and the most hopeful of Harry's mind. And before playing Disco Elysium, I struggled heavily to sometimes explain the way my mind works, even to myself - to put pieces of it in place or category. But Disco Elysium made me able to and able to notice certain patterns or realize certain things of what is going on with me. I needed this game in my life, I needed this protagonist in my life and I didn't know I did until I finished it.

I suppose it is no surprise I will now consider Disco Elysium my favorite game and keep recommending it to people who can handle heavy subject the game tackles. It is also no surprise that I have already started my second playthrough of the game. The way mentality of Harry is written is just one of many other amazingly written aspects of the game. The game's story made me emotional, the game's characters made me emotional, the setting made me emotional and there is still so much content I haven't managed to explore on my first playthrough. Not to mention I cried twice or thrice during it. It is a masterpiece, I believe.

Thank you, Robert Kurvitz. Thank you, Aleksander Rostov. Thank you Helen Hindpere. Thank you for creating and writing an experience so close to mine I didn't know I needed to see represented.