#as an act he puts on to help protect his secret identity

[daydreamerdrew]

Iron Man (1968) #24

[buddierecs]

jealous!evan buckley buddie fics

all explicit rating - 18+ only!!!!!! make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

if i need to rearrange my particles - i will for you by: dylaesthetics "buck joins a support app for first responders and matches with a firefighter who has ptsd and a kid who likes giraffes, apparently" word count: 45k important tags: secret identity, anonymous messaging, angst, mental health, ptsd, anxiety, panic attacks, sexuality crisis, mutual pining, fluff and smut, masturbation meet me in the middle (underneath a little bit of mistletoe) by: princessfbi "buck and eddie agree to fake date each other to get through dinner with their parents during the holidays!" word count: 40k important tags: fake dating, idiots to lovers, mutual pining, angst, fluff, smut, protective!eddie diaz, getting together, slow burn

finally found what i've been looking for by: fleetinghearts "buck's good at basketball, eddie's trying really hard not to commit an act of public indecency about it, and maybe, just maybe, a slightly bloody beachside pick-up game can be the start of something new" word count: 5k important tags: 7x04 spec, friends to lovers, fluff, unsafe sex, dry humping, hand jobs, praise kink 'till storm breaks loose by: markofalover "how an elbow to the face changes everything." word count: 6k important tags: 7x04, mutual pining, accidental injury, love confessions, getting together, possessive behaviour, sharing clothes, blow jobs, come eating, praise kink my home is your body by: coldbam "buck and eddie have vastly different nights at pride. then very similar summers" word count: 16k important tags: friends to lovers, friends with benefits, getting together, bottom!eddie diaz, top!evan buckley stay here, honey (i don't want to share) by: stockholm_syndrom "six months after eddie comes out to the team, and three months after eddie confesses his feelings for buck (and buck rejects him), eddie starts dating men. and buck is totally fine with that. really." word count: 9.6k important tags: mutual pining, oblivious!evan buckley, anal sex, oral sex, service top!evan buckley, bottom!eddie diaz, praise kink hot and heavy by: 42hrb "five times eddie had casual sex with someone who wasn't buck and the time they finally got their shit together" word count: 9.4k important tags: 5+1 things, slutty!eddie diaz, mutual pining, idiots to lovers, casual sex, porn with feelings, oral sex seen by: snailboat64 "hen lets it slip that she knows eddie is a great dancer, and buck is determined to see him in action. when he does, it's a revelation" word count: 14k important tags: eddie can dance, insecure!evan buckley, smut what a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you by: prettyboybuckley "the au where they're both strippers and buck goes from "i hate this guy" to "oh fuck, i think i'm in love with him" word count: 21k important tags: stripper/exotic dancer au, college student!evan buckley, eventual smut, grinding, anal sex, praise kink i only ever want you by: bucksclipboard "there’s jealousy, there’s fighting, there’s delicious makeup sex" word count: 2.7k important tags: pre-relationship, getting together, team as family, porn with plot, grinding, blow jobs, make up sex possessive behaviour by: whiskis "buck gets really possessive when he’s jealous and just wants eddie to remember that he’s his." word count: 2.8k important tags: possessive behaviour, established relationship, fluff and smut, blow jobs, teasing no one's touched me there in a damn hot minute! by: bisexualbuckley "buck is a little shit during their lunch date and eddie puts him in his place. but he can't help giving buck everything he wants either, not when he's that pretty." word count: 4.8k important tags: established relationship, brat!evan buckley, possessive behaviour, boys in love, praise kink, prostate massage, orgasm control, anal fingering, aftercare

[sugar-grigri]

The ambivalence of life: the massage metaphor 

I'm going to get straight to the point: Denji is perfectly right to want to suffer - it's precisely what he lacked in his 'normal' life.

To understand this, let's go back to the chapter.

Introducing Denji as a CSM wannabe right at the start of the chapter isn't as insignificant as you might think, because this chapter helps to differentiate between CSM and a CSM wannabe.

After all, Denji could very well be one, and chapter 150 makes it clear that the protagonist's dream is to be a CSM, so he literally wants... to be a CSM.

But in order to become CSM himself, we have to understand what CSM is. And that's precisely where the difference lies between a CSM wannabe and Denji as CSM.

Part 2 has repeatedly shown that 'CSM' has become a marketing product, an idol for young people, a source of detestation for others, like express usurpers who have taken to the stage. In short, CSM's identity began to become more diffuse, questioned to the point where it seemed to escape Denji. So what is CSM? 

Well, let me ask you this: what's the first thing you think of when I mention CSM?

Most fans will cite the most traumatic and tragic chapters, shuddering at the mere mention of volume 9. There's your answer: suffering is the secret of CSM's identity. 

But let's move away from this more meta side, and get back to the chapter. 

I know that Nayuta being pushed aside and put in her place stung some people's hearts and it hurt me too! But Denji is right to push her away, cruel as that may seem. Because the complexity of Denji and Nayuta's relationship also lies in the fact that their relationship can have several negative sides.

Firstly, Nayuta is and remains the demon of control, a demon who can't help but have a hold, even over those she loves. And she has done this with Denji on one occasion: when she forbids him to see Asa again.

She forbids it out of a desire to protect him, fearing that Denji will be taken in by yet another girl. This reaction depresses Denji, but he regains hope by acting as CSM, motivated by Nayuta herself because CSM is admired and loved by people. The first instinct at this stage would be to think that this is a bit contradictory: why push Nayuta away when she's the first to admire and encourage CSM? 

Because she hasn't grasped what CSM is all about either. I'll expand on that later, but for now, keep in mind that suffering is intrinsic to CSM. Even when she prevented Denji from continuing his story with Asa, she was preventing Denji from suffering, in itself, from experimenting. The same experience can be just as beneficial as it can be negative, and it's part of the game of life not to know the outcome of a relationship, otherwise you wouldn't go with others.

And that's what Nayuta has done, the demon of control has a happiness that's enough to be two, it's a demon that risks being alone so much that a single loved one is enough to make her happy. But that's Nayuta's idea, not Denji's. 

I'll come back to this a bit more, but for the moment I'm still going to follow the chapter. Denji almost comes to thank Barem and the others for burning down his house and his pets, but he's also aware that morality is being undermined and even talks to Pochita about it. And that's fascinating. 

Even though it may seem horrible, the loss of his animal family allows Denji to realise that he needs this suffering in his life, for many reasons. If Kishibe judged Denji as a man made to kill demons, it's because suffering makes him gloat, because it's the most intense experience he's had in his life.

Transforming himself into a CSM is a way for Denji to confront suffering; he has even internalised it since he was a child, making his body suffer to pay off his debts.

CSM is a creature made for suffering. When Aki became possessed by the Gun Devil, CSM was the culmination of Denji's suffering, his demonic form killing his brother. Just as Denji transformed into Pochita was saved by a dying Power.

The foundations of Denji, Aki and Power only consolidated Denji's relationship with suffering. This double facet, between love and suffering through grief. Pochita is another example, because becoming CSM was followed by an experience of mourning, the loss of Pochita who had merged with him. 

Suffering is as intrinsic to all species as are death and love because suffering is the result of both, the love we have for others is the cause of our suffering when they die.

CSM is this universality, with Pochita sacrificing himself to prevent Denji from dying, suffering every time the cable is pulled. And instead of fighting it, CSM uses it as the engine of his chainsaws. When Nayuta says that this is not the time for chainsaws, she wants to prevent her brother from suffering. But Denji understands that it's precisely when he's suffering that it's time to be CSM. 

Having your head and arms brutally chopped off hurts, fighting demons hurts, in short, transforming into a CSM physically hurts and must hurt. Imagine having a cable cut in half across your torso: it hurts, so why pull it? That's why Denji IS CSM, because it's when it hurts that he realises he wants to be CSM? 

Hybrids don't exploit this pain, demons like the Eternity Demon are even afraid of it, and that's what explains CSM's superiority: suffering exalts him and he uses it as a means to fight. When Quanxi cut off the weapons' heads, it was enough for them to admit defeat, while Denji calmly puts his head back on, not giving up the fight. 

Weapons can't die, but they can see others die, just as suffering can't escape them either. Either they see themselves almost as demigods, as prophets, or they can see themselves as great knights out to save the world.

Denji knows how to exploit his nature; he drinks blood at the slightest opportunity, tries to devour like a demon and is not afraid to use it, unlike the other hybrids. (Quanxi is an exception)

As the spear weapon starts to provoke CSM by saying to really scare them, CSM exploits being sliced in half. Suffering is the fear of weapons.

The whole thing also has a symbolic force, because we've been trying endlessly to cut Denji in two, his human life on the one hand and his life as CSM on the other. Cutting CSM in two won't do him any good, all he has to do is pull his cable.

But above all, the comparison with massage is a very good one, because it sums up life, this combination of good sensations and not-so-good ones. This is precisely what pitted Denji against Makima, that bad films or bad facets of the world and humanity must exist.

This time, part 2 doesn't boil down to this ideology; what Denji is saying is that to live is also to suffer, to be happy is also to have been unhappy. All these things are not mutually exclusive, they go together. 

That's why Denji wins against the weapons, because he won't fight against the suffering they'll put him through, he'll use it to the full, knowing that behind it all there'll be a good feeling. And that seeing the positive side even in pain is nothing other than hope.

Denji himself says that life is a superposition of all these facets. There are things we may never get over, but they don't stop us from moving forward. That's why this chapter is incredible, because Denji doesn't accept suffering as a demon when he's fighting, he wants to accept it in his life too, Denji's life, he has to experiment without Nayuta's permanent approval. 

Denji has lost many people close to him, including his pets. It is precisely through their loss that he wants to suffer. Because suffering is the privilege of the living.

Chainsaw Man is nothing more than 2 entities reunited to survive together.

CSM's laughter is symbolic of this, and chapter 151 made an explicit reference to chapter 82 when Makima starts laughing despite the paroxysm of suffering for Denji, who has just seen Power die. What Fujimoto does is bring together the previous antagonist and the protagonist, to bring out the essence of his work.

Both Makima and Denji laugh despite the horror of the situation as the mask finally comes off, Makima presents her plans and Denji realises what Chainsaw Man is. In short, laughter is the symbol of letting go, as the mask finally comes off. And all this sums up Chainsaw Man, this confrontation between comedy and tragedy, this strange association.

Readers, don't fight the suffering of the characters either, you're reading CSM precisely because of it. You want to suffer just like CSM. So have fun with it.

[absolutely-esme]

Monster!Tim Coraline au part 3

I had more thoughts on the au from here and here.

First off, It's called Hungry Monster Tim au unless and until I come up with a better name.

That's the tag that will help you find related content. I titled the post the way I did so that people who found the au before it had a name could recognize it. I'm hoping this will minimize confusion.

...

Now, I figure I'll talk a bit about how others view Tim.

The most of the earlier additions to the Batfam have mostly interacted with Tim in Emotional Support Tim mode.

Emotional Support Tim is pleasant and comforting. He is not overly exuberant and joyful in a way that would grate on fresh grief. He is also not joyless in a way that might make a hero feel obligated to worry about him. He is gentle and competent. His patience seems nearly endless. He can tolerate both being coddled and being leaned on. He can tolerate both being clung to and pushed away. He can tolerate switching back and forth at unpredictable intervals.

Tim approached Nightwing in his standard state of "tired, low on patience, and possibly about to do something stupid," once before Tim realized he was also grief-stricken and in no fit state to get Batman under control. He might have an inkling that Emotional Support Tim is an act, or he might just think Tim was having a bad day.

Bruce thinks Emotional Support Tim is what Tim is actually like. By the time Bruce was functional enough to not need so much managing, he'd gotten attached enough to the facade for Tim to have concerns about dropping it.

Alfred can tell that Tim is putting on a facade. He can tell that the role Tim has taken on is wearing on him. He doesn't like it. He feels guilty for allowing it to continue. He can't bring himself to put a stop to it when it's keeping his adoptive son alive.

Barbara initially meets Emotional Support Tim, immediately clocks the act, and pulls him aside to make sure there isn't something sinister afoot. Babs has reservations about every aspect of Tim's involvement, but agrees that something had to be done about Bruce. She lets him carry on for now, but she's ready to pull the plug if it seems like it's getting too much for him. She insists that Tim drop the act when it's just the two of them.

Babs doesn't know about the supernatural stuff specifically, but she knows there's more going on with Tim than what she knows about. She may learn that he has some hereditary health stuff that requires him to be extra careful about his food intake. She makes a point to not be weird about it because people being weird about her wheelchair annoys the crap out of her.

I like to imagine that Babs and Tim have a certain amount of solidarity over being the sensible ones who keep all these unhinged, dramatic bitches in line. They also have solidarity over ignoring the fact that they are just as dramatic and unhinged as the rest of the Bats.

Steph meets Tim in Regular Tim mode because Bruce isn't with him. Instead of trying to discourage Spoiler, he introduces her to Babs. Steph knows Tim as a tired smartass who kind of always seems like he's a bit hangry and trying not to take it out on anyone, but apparently he's just like that.

They don't date, but do become friends. Part of this is because grouchy, eternally hungry, constantly done-with-this-shit Tim isn't attractive to Steph but is kind of hilarious. Part of it is because Babs points out that there is no possible timeline where the kind of power imbalance from only one member of a couple knowing the other's secret identity doesn't turn toxic.

When Steph eventually encounters Emotional Support Tim, it creeps her out. She uses the term "pod person" when asking what the heck that was.

Steph's disastrous stint as Robin doesn't happen because she's already got her own thing going. She already has a mentor and appropriate protective gear. Babs and Steph actually get along better because they start their mentorship as Oracle and Spoiler without any of the complicated emotions of taking up a mantle.

I like Steph as Spoiler the best because it always seemed a little messed up to shove someone who already had their own original Identity into two legacy mantles. Let her do her own thing. She doesn't need to be a successor to Babs or Dick when she's already the OG Steph. Instead of giving her the Robin gear or the Batgirl gear, get her some upgraded, Bat-quality Spoiler gear.

Steph doesn't start a gang war or fake her death in this timeline, because the circumstances that caused it do not exist here.

Jason initially encounters Tim in Feral Cryptid mode, then writes that off as a fever dream after waking up to Emotional Support Tim. Once free of the Lazarus parasite, Jason makes it his mission to be a good big brother to Tim. Tim seemed a little stand-offish at first, but warmed up to him. (As soon as Tim realized that food was part of Jason's love language, he rearranged his meal plan to let Jason feed him without triggering supernatural problems with his metabolism.)

Jason eventually manages to earn Tim's trust enough to meet and get to know Regular Tim. Jason is both honored and concerned. Putting on such an extensive facade for the comfort of others has got to be exhausting, and Tim seems so worn down underneath it. Well, he doesn't have to do it for Jason anymore. Jason will happily hang out with and support any version of Tim.

When Damian shows up, he mostly sees Emotional Support Tim. Then he starts trying to kill him. Eventually, Tim's patience with the pint-sized murderer wears thin (possibly due to Damian hitting a PTSD trigger), and Tim goes Feral Cryptid mode. This freaks Damian out. There is no video evidence (which the rest of the Bats assume to be because Damian tampered with the security system in an attempt to get away with murder).

It doesn't happen again.

Tim doesn't bust out his powers or cryptid form against Damian again, but now that he's seen it, Damian sometimes sees traces of Feral Cryptid Tim lurking below the surface. Various little things he'd ignored that hadn't seemed significant on their own now seem to stem from the nature of what lurks inside the human skin.

Damian stops the murder attempts early. It's not because of ethics (which will take time to learn). It’s because he has no idea how to kill whatever sort of unearthly thing Tim is, and he recognizes how unwise it would be to continue attacking something he cannot kill. For now, Tim seems content to leave him be whenever he's not directly under assault. Damian doesn't want to risk becoming enough of a pest to be worth the effort of swatting.

...

I also had thoughts about Tim's post-Robin period.

When Tim goes on his quest to retrieve Bruce from the time stream, he doesn't take the Red Robin suit. He's going to be outside of the Bats' scrutiny, so he gears up with a suit and equipment he'd secretly made with his supernatural nature in mind. It's got Bat-standard armor and padding, but modified to accommodate a bit of form shifting without compromising protection. It's got a patchwork thing going on.

Tim sewed it himself, which allows him to manipulate it. It's also got buttons sewn in strategic locations to eliminate blindspots. (Taking down the beldam gave him the ability to control things he made and see through buttons he sewed).

His utility pouches are full of both Bat-standard equipment and things relevant to Tim's abilities. Also, he makes his pockets bigger on the inside, so he can carry a lot.

Tim isn't around the other Bats, so he's not being Emotional Support Tim. He's not using the minor illusion powers he got from the beldam to make himself look pleasant. He only makes the effort to be comforting when dealing with victims. He's just being the semi-feral scrungly dude he is.

...

Tim keeps in touch with Jason, Babs, and Steph while he's off on his quest to find Bruce. He occasionally pitches in with stuff that can be done from a distance.

Tim didn't say that Bruce was still alive before he had evidence. It's not because this version managed to predict that they wouldn't believe him, but rather because he thought he might have to do some supernatural stuff to get him back and didn't want witnesses. He just told the other Bats he needed to investigate something and would tell them more once he had figured out enough to know what to tell them.

This means that the other heroes don't think he's crazy, and Tim can use hero resources for his investigation.

I haven't decided yet if Tim will interact with the League of Assassins at all. On the one hand, I think this Tim might not need to work with them. On the other hand, Hungry Monster Tim terrorizing the League of Assassins and fighting the Lazarus Pit would be funny. Maybe Ras doesn't try to recruit him. Maybe Tim just shows up, fights the Lazarus Pit, and leaves without explaining anything to anyone.

Either way, I think that Tim is pretty much done with keeping up the Emotional Support Tim facade by the time he comes home after saving Bruce. It's been long enough to justify the change.

Babs, Jason, and Steph are happy for Tim because they can see how much better he's doing without the added strain of keeping up the act. They are also glad that he feels comfortable enough to just be himself.

Bruce and Dick are more in the horrified/concerned neighborhood because, from their perspective, Tim started off gentle-natured and glowing with health, got fired from Robin, disappeared for a while, and came back gaunt and world-weary.

...

I'm thinking about whether or not Tim should tell Babs, Jason, and Steph about the supernatural stuff he's got going on.

It would have come out at some point. If he tries to keep it secret forever, you can bet some kind of dramatic, high-stakes threat would force the reveal. That's just how the Bats' lives are.

What I am debating with myself is whether or not to have Tim choose to share a secret he's been keeping for as long as he can remember for fear of the danger discovery might bring with the people he trusts most without something forcing his hand.

If he does, I think he would tell Jason first. Jason has seen that side of him, and Tim allowed him to think it was a nightmare. Tim wouldn't want to risk Jason hearing about it from someone else. Tim would probably be scared. He doesn't know if Jason will still like him once he knows that Tim really is the Monster from his nightmare. He doesn't know if Jason will forgive him for lying about it.

I think this would happen after Tim comes back to Gotham after saving Bruce.

[day-drawn-blog]

Part II : Slow burn ❤️‍🔥

Lace your heart with mine Let your sleeping soul take flight

I feel your breath on my neck, the soft caress as cold as death

Your blood like wine, I want it in, oh darling make me drink and make me feel

- I want to live

Tags: angst, fluff, sadness, angst, fluff, then maybe eventually smut because I do love that

Pairing: Astarion x Reader -- Set in Act I

Part I. Crowned light moon of mine - I found you too soon

Part II : Lace your heart with mine Let your sleeping soul take flight

Part III : Maybe tonight, I'll rest in peace

Part IV : There is much to do and I still want to live

Part V : Our futures bound, our bodies known

Part VI : These ain't my sins, I'm not to blame

Part VII: You are not mine and am I truly yours

Part VIII: your blood like wine invites me in

Part IX: I'll welcome my sentence and give you my penance

Part X : I can't go yet...don't let me die

---------

Next day, you woke up early and you remembered the rollercoaster your heart had been through. And your little secret. Ah, you almost forgot. So caught up were you in your pining you ignored the safety of those around you, and the resolve you had made last night to help and protect those around you. And right now, nothing posed more of a threat than a blood sucking vampire posing as an ally. You did not quite trust him yet. After all, you did not know him well at all.

You left your tent, resolved to confront him.

To settle this issue as best as you can on behalf of those innocent of his real identity. You spotted him next to his tent. His messy curls, even more disheveled in the morning. But his countenance brighter than yesterday. You wondered if it was the effect of the favor you did him. Somehow a part of you felt happy, that you made a difference to him.

You broached the subject.

"Can we talk?" He looked up surprised. "About your... condition. I was curious how we were going to feed you from now on."

His eyes widened.

I guess he did not realize you would confront him about this first thing in the morning. But it has to be done, sooner the better. Before everyone else wakes up. "How... how are you?" He managed, flustered. At least he has it in him to be polite and ask, you thought. You approved of his shallow charm. Now to the point.

"I am alright. But I am worried." "You have my word. I will never put any of us in harm's way. And if I ever do, I will ask, first" he flashed his cheeky grin. You almost gave in. And then suddenly, rustling behind him, startled you both.

Shadowheart walked out of his tent.

You were completely blindsided, Astarion was more embarassed and looked away.

Shadowheart was surprisingly, normal. "Good morning. Are you guys planning breakfast? I heard talks about a meal, or something... " she drawled in her usual charming manner.

"Ah yeah.. something like that.."

you managed to say, and decided to drop it. Before your heart shattered into pieces again, you decided, you walk away.

You wished you could leave them at camp.

So you didn't have to be distracted by those two as you navigated such dangerous lands. But, you all always travelled together and at least there will be other people, to distract you, from Shadowheart and Astarion's intimate moments together, where he held out his hands, to help her on a step. Or she cast her guidance and radiance to protect him, or where he took out a threat with his sneak attack before they ambushed her.

You felt weaker in combat that day.

Several times, Karlach had to protect you. You almost got knocked down, and she had to help you up. Thankfully Wyll had your back too. You felt terrible how much you let this matter get to you. Back at camp, exhausted, and down to your last breath, you decided to put him out of your head once and for all. You needed to wash up, and rest.

This was not serving you.

As you sat in your tent that night, going over the events of the day. You felt tears come up. You wanted to be the one being protected. Looked after..by him. To be important enough.

To be valued and loved, by him.

Dammit. Why should you put him on a pedestal like this. Better start thinking really hard how you could avoid that from happening again. This was your only way. Should you ask them to stay behind at camp the next day? No ..you need every ally you can get fighting for your life.

Suddenly, your thoughts were interrupted by approaching footsteps. You were confused, you thought everyone had gone to bed early that night, tired from all the ambush you had faced that day. So who was it? And why were they coming inside your tent?The tent flaps parted, and you saw a familiar tall silhouette.

You stopped breathing in surprise.

You both stared at each other for a few moments before he broke silence. "I am sorry to disturb your rest, the hour is late. Terribly, and truly" and it seemed like he was second guessing himself and walking back out again. Then he stopped and turned around "You see, this was my first.. I had never drank from a ...thinking creature before. Cazador... my master, would only ever let me feed on rats. "

Where was he going with this?

"Would you be so kind, as to grant me this favor one more time? I completely understand if you don't want to, and this is, well very embarrassing for me to admit" You could see his ears turn red as he shiftily looked anywhere but at you. "But ever since last night, I have not been able to forget... how you tasted". "I could do anything for one more time...please?" And he looked at you with his eyes full of endless misery, that familiar pleading voice and gaze...

You were weak against that but you were annoyed.

Who does he think he is. Does he think himself so charming that he can just waltz into your tent, demanding you donate your blood for free while he went back to Shadowheart right after? You did want to be the hero to those that needed you, but this is just taking advantage of you. You liked him a little less at that point. You were fully resolved to turn him down. After all, this felt wrong, not just to you, but to Shadowheart as well.

You got up.

"I am afraid, Astarion, I will have to turn you down tonight. Isn't Shadowheart waiting for you? What will she think of your absence?"

"She doesn't know. No one does. And I would like to not tell everyone, as long as I can, if you help me. You are the only one, who knows. And if everyone were to find out, I am afraid they would not show me the kindness you did. I would be cast aside. And left to fend for myself."

For all the outward intimacy between him and Shadowheart, you realized, they were not after all, close at heart. What did you expect. Did you expect him to be someone that would allow himself to fall in love with someone or genuinely love and care for someone other than himself? Your first impression of him, was right. The suave and snooth bad boy, with a thousand charms was after all, just that.

You sighed.

Battling with your moral dilemma. You wanted to cave, and earn his trust even more, and maybe a bit of affection. But was that really the right way to go about it. To exploit his weakness? You couldn't. You needed to save everyone. Even the ones that were too proud to admit they needed saving. You sighed again.

"Astarion, I would like to help you. However I cannot, be your only source of.. sustenance. This will affect me in battle. And I thought we agreed you would feed on our enemies, since they are as good as dead, as you said."

If he was disappointed he did not let it show.

"But of course. I only just wanted a little bit. You wouldn't even feel it. I promise. It will be a gift, that I will never forget" He looked at you with his intense gaze that sometimes betrayed the storm raging inside him you suspected. "I understand..." His countenance fell. He was pained. "Have a good sleep. I'll see you around in the morning" And he turned to leave.

"Wait"

Dammit. You cannot turn him down. Or anyone. When they genuinely seem to need your help. But did Astarion really need you? Or was he being greedy? Were you being deceived? Probably. Behind the facade of one who seeks your help is someone simply using you. You felt that. And yet, you were drawn to him, like a moth to a flame.

"Yes, you can...again, tonight. Only a little bit"

"Really? You would?" Genuine surprise in his voice. He quickly stepped in and drew the tent flaps shut. He took your hand and suddenly took the lead. Taking you to the back, gestured to you to sit. You sat down, he knelt in front of you, lifted your arm like last time, with both his hands, gave it a kiss, and looked at you one more time, as if to ask for your permission one last time, and when you nodded, proceeded to bear his fangs at which you looked away.

It didn't hurt, nor did it last longer than a few minutes. Afterwards he drew away, and sat down next to you, as if sated to his utmost. A grin across his face like last time. you looked at your wrist, and the two little dots where his fangs had pierced your skin. The ones from last night were fading. Tonight's red. He looked at you looking at your wrist. "Does it hurt?" He seemed...guilty.

"Let me wrap it"

He proceeded to tear a bit of linen from somewhere nearby and tie it around the bite marks. Hiding your doing, I see. This is no act of kindness. You felt your resolve melt. You felt glad to have been of use to him. But also sad, he was about to leave. And go back to shadowheart. You had served your role. He had used you, and no longer needed you.

Thank you ...you whispered to him

Part III : Maybe tonight, I'll rest in peace

[e-dubbc11]

Two Heartbeats

Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F! Reader

Warnings: Angst, tears, and fluff

Word Count: 1.7K-ish

Summary: Even though you’re not his to protect anymore, Matt still checks up on you every night. And after several weeks of nightly visits without your knowledge, he hears something that scares him and leaves him frozen in place. He needs to talk to you.

A/N: Now I haven’t written for Matt in a LONG time, I really hope it’s alright. I miss writing for him, inspiration just hasn’t hit me in awhile. Anyway, I don’t know what the deal is with not being able to answer certain asks from my inbox but this one was sent to me by my love @ittybxttykxttytxtty I hope you like it!

As always, thank you for reading!  I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕 💕

Shadows danced across the pavement as the nocturnal symphony of Hell’s Kitchen started to play. The ethereal glow from the moon passed through the gray clouds turning them white and then back to gray again.

Matt Murdock couldn’t see the shadows or the moon although he felt them both. The pull of the moon when it was full caused all the crazies to come out. The night whispered to him, telling him all of her secrets, telling him everyone’s secrets.

The dark shadows were caused by pedestrians as they walked by. As he stood perched on a rooftop above his world, he could hear when they stepped on a bottlecap, or swore under their breath because they stepped in freshly discarded gum.

A slight smirk tugged across his mouth when they did that, it amused him. With a subtle tilt of the head, he licked his lips, the cool nighttime air dried them out as he honed in on those sounds. Calls of distress were coming from all directions now.

But you were safe and that’s all that mattered. He always checked on you to make sure you were alright even if you weren’t his to protect anymore.

The black hood protected his identity as he protected his city. By day, he tried to protect Hell’s Kitchen the right way, the legal way. But at night, the Devil came out and the law went out the window.

The childhood accident that took Matt’s sight from him, heightened the rest of his senses which he used to his advantage. He used them to stop those cries for help he would hear in the middle of the night. The residents of Hell’s Kitchen deserved to feel safe in their homes and you were the resident that meant the most to him.

Outside your window, he would whisper to you. “I’m always here, sweetheart.” He loved you but never wanted you to know he was there. Matt knew you would be furious if you found out he was outside, listening to you because he had put you through enough; the secrets and the lies were what you couldn’t handle. It wasn’t the cuts, bruises or stitches. All you had wanted was the truth and he couldn’t give it to you so you left.

Matt could sense something was off, your hormone level maybe? He wasn’t quite sure. It would explain why you were absolutely furious and acting a little irrational.

And after 6 weeks of nightly visits, he heard something coming from your apartment that stopped him dead in his tracks. His own heart rate increased and his rapid inhales and exhales of his breathing almost became uncontrollable.

The Devil heard TWO heartbeats…and they were both coming from you.

Clinging to the fire escape, he listened for a minute. The second heartbeat was much faster than yours, Matt sensed it was a part of him and he couldn’t move, he was frozen in place.

Screams and calls for help tore Matt away from your window but he would be back and next time, he wouldn’t just be standing outside. He desperately needed to talk to you.

**********

After a long day at work and the doctor, you were finally able to take your shoes off and relax. Normally after a long day like today, you’d relax with a little tv and a glass of wine but you wouldn’t be having any wine for another several months, at least.

And even if you did, you probably wouldn’t be able to keep that down either. There wasn’t a lot you were able to keep down lately aside from clementines and bagels but you were thankful that New York bagels were large so they kept you full for a long time.

Frequent trips to the ladies room at work was getting old. You were hoping that your morning sickness wouldn’t last too much longer but all pregnancies were different. Who knows how long this part would last?

Your thoughts drifted to Matt.

You wished you knew what it was he was keeping from you. How many chances did you give him to come clean and explain himself yet he still didn’t tell you the truth?

You missed him though.

And you were going to have to tell him about the baby sooner or later because it was the right thing to do.

Matt was going to be a father, you just had to gather the courage to tell him.

**********

Every time Matt felt brave enough to talk to you, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He still checked on you nightly, listened to your and the baby’s heartbeat for a little while before fleeing to fight the evil of Hell’s Kitchen.

He had arguments with himself constantly about what he wanted to say to you. His days had been long and his nights even longer but he made his decision that he would make time to talk to you…tonight.

Enough time had passed to where you found out you were having a girl. Going to your doctor’s appointments by yourself was scary and lonely. You watched as other expectant mothers brought their significant others with them to their appointments and wished Matt was with you.

You were going to tell him…soon.

**********

Something startled you awake but you didn’t know what it was. It was just a feeling you had, that someone was inside your apartment. The metal baseball bat you kept under your bed was always at arm’s length and as you reached for it, you heard a low gravelly voice coming from the chair on the other side of the room.

“Don’t swing for the fences, sweetheart. It’s just me.” Said Matt.

Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you saw an outline of a silhouette sitting in your chair before flicking the lamp on.

He had a black hood over his head, covering half of his face. The rest of his clothes were black from head to toe and suddenly you recognized the figure. You had seen his picture in the paper and now that you thought about it, remembering certain photos, you recognized that ass anywhere.

“Matty?! What the fu—? Y-you’re the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen?!!” You asked, shocked to your core.

Suddenly the cuts, stitches and bruises…they all made sense. All of the late nights, unanswered phone calls, and why he was so secretive. It all came together, he was sitting in your apartment, confessing to what he was doing, why he was doing it, and why he felt like he had to hide the truth from you.

“I am so so sorry, Angel.” He said.

You sat there in the gathering darkness, stunned and speechless at the trace of desperation in his voice as he talked to you. He confessed his secrets to you just as Hell’s Kitchen confesses its secrets to him…every night.

With no warning, you just blurted out your secret.

“I’m pregnant.” You said, softly.

Matt replied, “I know, sweetheart.”

He went on to explain that the accident had left his other senses heightened.

“…So I can hear your heart beating right now. And I can hear the baby’s.” He said.

With tears swimming in your eyes, you were finally able to find your voice.

“Do you understand why I left, Matthew?” You asked him.

Matt had taken off his hood and moved from the chair to the edge of your bed. You could see his soft brown eyes now in the low light of the bedroom.

“I do but I don’t understand why you couldn’t trust me enough to know it was because I wanted to keep you safe. I don’t want you involved in that part of my life.” He said.

You raised your voice a little. “You can’t separate something like that, Matt! I don’t want to be involved with just PART of your life. Just like I don’t think you want to be involved with just PART of mine! Ya know so far I’ve gone to ALL of my doctor’s appointments alone? I hate going by myself!”

He replied, “But I wanted to do that with you! You could have asked me!”

Matt was slightly agitated. You could tell by the way he pressed his lips into a straight line and how his breathing became more rapid. He stood up and placed his hands firmly on his hips.

“Oh you did?! How? Would you have penciled me in between court and fighting crime?” You yelled sarcastically.

He reached for your hand.

“I don’t wanna fight with you, y/n. I really am sorry.” Said Matt.

To a point, you could understand why he kept all of that from you. Keeping you safe was very important to Matt and now he had an even bigger reason to keep you safe, to keep the both of you safe. The tension in your shoulders eased a little; you knew stress couldn’t be good for the baby.

Matt could feel your body relax as you squeezed his hand.

“Please don’t keep things from me, Matty, ok? I’m gonna need your help when she gets here.” You said with a warm smile.

The corners of Matt’s mouth turned up into a sly smile.

“She?” He asked in barely more than a whisper. “We’re having a girl?”

Matt sat down on the bed once again, closer to you this time, and removed his black gloves. His eyes looked more hazel than brown at the moment as he put his hand out, wanting to touch your stomach.

“Is it ok?” He asked.

You took his hand in yours and placed it on your stomach. “Of course it is. I feel little flutters now and then…like that! Did you feel that?” You asked.

Matt smiled, let out a slight chuckle and nodded.

The gap between your bodies became smaller as you inched closer to him where you could feel his breath on your lashes and close enough to inhale his scent.

Matt brushed his knuckles along your cheek as his lips searched for yours; he kissed you tenderly and slowly like he was scared he was going to break you.

“I’m not gonna pop, Matthew. You don’t have to be THAT gentle.” You said as you kissed him again.

“I’ll remember that, sweetheart.” Said Matt with a devilish smile. “Have you thought of any names for her yet?”

You gently rubbed your belly.

“Maybe.” You replied.

A ghost of a smile stretched across his lips

“Can you tell me what they are?” He asked.

You bit down on your lower lip before replying.

“Maybe.”

Tag List: @munsonownsmyass @elgrandeavocados @freshabogados @gijos @chezagnes @matt-erialgirl

Others that might enjoy: @itwasthereaminuteago @fluffyprettykitty @pedrito-friskito @mattmurdocksscars @theradioactivespidergwen

Thank you for reading, I appreciate it! I’ve only tagged a handful of people. If you liked it, you can tell me, I don’t bite. I know I haven’t written for Matt in awhile, no pressure.

[adiluv-moved]

❥ SEER + HOMEMAKER SPOUSE HCS. ˚⊹꒷

🍞୧・꒰word count꒱ 1230.

🌼୧・꒰warnings꒱ takes place pre-manor, possibly ooc.

🍮୧・꒰adi moment꒱ request here! these were originally supposed to be combined into one post, though i decided to split them since they ended up full length regardless, lol. i had a lot of fun writing this, i think it's a super adorable scenario! hope you enjoy! ꒰ ´͈ ᵕ `͈ ꒱

you can find naib's version here!

꒰🦉꒱・Eli is honestly such a huge softie, and—in my honest opinion—would be one of the more doting husbands out of the entirety of the Identity V cast. He absolutely adores you, a sentiment that he’s never hesitated to make known ꒰whether it be to you or anybody within a five mile radius꒱, and you just can’t help but adore him all the same. The poor man was probably even scouring his visions to try and figure out what married life would be like before the wedding, if it gives you any sort of insight into how in love with you he is. And, since he did go through with it, I think it’s safe to say that he enjoyed what he saw!

꒰🦉꒱・I believe that Eli would also be the type to enjoy living in a cottage outside of the city, though not exactly for the same reasons that Naib may prefer to. Of course, while some of his motivation does relate to his desire to give you a space to decorate to your heart's content—he just loves how cute your personal style is—he’s also… just a big fan of how cozy and quaint it is. The city has its charms, of course, though he’d much rather live more peacefully beside you, away from the ‘rise and grind’ lifestyle. Even still, I’d say that your cottage would probably be quite close to the city, as it would be far more convenient for the both of you.

꒰🦉꒱・For the most part, although he does enjoy keeping your company, he fully trusts you to take care of yourself, seeing no need to try and restrict your personal freedoms. You’re your own person, after all. I don’t exactly see him as the type to become jealous ꒰that easily꒱ or overly worrisome, so he’s very much alright with letting you do whatever you’d like to—just as long as the two of you communicate with each other. His abilities as a seer, which he’d been open about with you since the beginning of your relationship, provide an extra sense of protection—even if he’s unable to tell you about the future that he foresees.

꒰🦉꒱・Although he’s forbidden to inform anybody about the events that he foresees within his visions, he’s come to realize that he can still take steps to act against it. After all, what he sees references a possible future—not necessarily the one that’s already set in stone. As such, any and all attempts to sway the outcomes of events are done incredibly precisely and subtly, years of having to keep the details of these prophecies secret giving him an incredible edge. 

꒰🦉꒱・Most of the time, you don’t even know that he’s acting on his foresight, only realizing afterwards whenever he becomes extra cuddly with you. What better way to celebrate the aversion of a potential disaster than snuggling up with your loved one, right? In the case that you do notice, however, it’s quite easy to confirm your suspicions. You love your husband, you really do—but any and all attempts of lying to you are quickly rendered useless by the small expression of guilt that appears on his face. He’s just… not a fan of lying to you, really.

꒰🦉꒱・He walks a very fine line when it comes to his duties as a seer and his duties as Eli, his decisions to counteract any bad omens sometimes already putting him at risk for ‘punishment’—whatever that punishment may be. And while he may not always spare you the full extent of his stakes ꒰he’d hate to scare you, after all꒱, he’s eternally grateful that he was able to meet you somewhere along the journey of his life. Powers be damned—this man is absolutely head over heels for his spouse!

꒰🦉꒱・Eli’s paycheck isn’t quite as large as Naib’s, a combination of factors having to blame for such circumstances. While you might’ve initially assumed that he’d be loaded—believing that he could easily make a fortune on telling people their fortunes—his restrictions keep that from being a viable option. Not to mention that there’s already many self-proclaimed seers running along, though Eli always says that they rely more on smooth-talking their clients than actually using any sort of foresight.

꒰🦉꒱・His preferred method of acquiring money is usually through picking up smaller jobs that interest him—with his visions helping him realize when certain opportunities are better than others. Simple manual labor, or perhaps even acting as a helping hand for somebody in need—he’s a firm believer in helping those that are less fortunate than him, and it’s something that he takes a great amount of pride in. The only downside is that some jobs require him to leave the house for days at a time, though he does his best to get back to you as soon as possible.

꒰🦉꒱・Although the both of you may not be able to shop until your heart’s content ꒰not that I see Eli being much of a big spender, regardless꒱he does quite enjoy saving up money in order to surprise you with gifts. Just like many things within his life, his visions do tend to come in handy for this sort of thing, especially considering that all he needs to do is pick up a gift in order to figure out whether or not you’d enjoy it. Throughout all of the time that you’ve known him—whether it be as friends, lovers, or spouses, there hasn’t been a singular instance of him gifting you something you’ve disliked.

꒰🦉꒱・On the other hand, however, shopping for Eli tends to be a far more strenuous task—though not for the reason that you might expect. You know what to get him, and that he’d really just love anything, so long as you chose it for him out of the goodness of your heart… But you also know that you’ll never be able to keep it a secret from him. It’s a little sad, you think, that he knows what’s beneath the wrapping paper before it’d even been wrapped. He’ll at least try to pretend that he’s oblivious, feeling the gift and making some purposefully incorrect guesses before opening it. It’s a small gesture, but it really means a lot to him.

꒰🦉꒱・A big fan of cuddling, a fact that's remained constant throughout the entirety of your relationship—though I don’t quite see him as having a preference for being the big or little spoon. Truthfully, he’s just happy to be there. Do you want him to hold you? Sure! You won’t even have to let him know when you need to get up, he’s already retracting his arms to let you take care of whatever it is that came up! Do you want to hold him? Absolutely! He’s eagerly walking over to you before the words even leave your mouth!

꒰🦉꒱・And, of course, it’s impossible to leave out Brooke! Although she’d take some time to warm up to you when you’d started dating Eli, she becomes very affectionate once she finally does. She’ll allow you to pet and hold her, even abandoning her post on Eli’s shoulder to come and sit on yours—so long as he’s not going out for the day. She’ll even flutter around and try to help you with any chores, something that you deeply appreciate—though she will steal any food that you’ve cooked. The three of you really are just a happy family! 

i have a taglist, which you can sign up for here!

[spiderlily-w1tch-blog]

𝙳𝙾𝙽’𝚃 𝚃𝙾𝚄𝙲𝙷 𝙼𝚈 𝚂𝙾𝙽

— — —

Reupload for my new account, can also be found on AO3

As much as Hotch didn’t like- no, detested sending one of his own into danger without proper protection, it couldn’t be helped.

𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫: I do not own Criminal Minds or it’s characters, they belong to Jeff Davis

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: groping, grinding, spicy content(no smut), weapons, swearing, probably bad writing, attempted present tense(not what I’m used to but I’ll try ;-;)

【Ｍａｓｔｅｒｌｉｓｔ】

— — —

As much as Hotch didn’t like- no, detested sending one of his own into danger without proper protection, it couldn’t be helped. He couldn’t even send Reid in there with a gun, he’ll have to rely on the younger’s acting skills to keep him safe. They’d figured out the Unsub’s identity and got all the evidence they need to convict him and his current location, which also happens to be his hunting ground. He works at a gay nightclub as a bartender, a job that wouldn’t make it suspicious if he flirted with the patrons.

His type is Twinks, especially first timers that fell for his charms and would willingly follow him out back where he would have sex with them before drugging them and taking them to his place, an apartment above the club. Now, to lure him out to avoid putting civilians in danger and as to not scare them, they sent Reid in undercover.

Spencer, in a brightly colored, loose fitting crop top with very short jean shorts the rest of his legs in fishnet and chunky heeled combat boots, light makeup on his eyes and glittery cheeks makes his way into the club. Garcia has their computers queued up with the security feed inside the club, All their eyes trained on Reid and Lukas Mertins, their Unsub. Spencer makes his way through the crowd, blending in and letting the larger men grab on his hips and rub up on him, the other smaller-statured men dancing up against him as a show for the others. Finally, he makes it to the bar and sits down, panting and excitedly and nervously looking back at the crowds, fitting into his role perfectly.

Lukas takes the bait instantly and looks Spencer up and down like a Lion about to pounce on an injured Gazelle. He slides his way to Spencer, startling him with an introduction.

“Hey, there. I haven’t seen you around. Newcomer?” He asks, deepening his voice as to be alluring.

“Oh, yea! I just moved here from Wyoming!” He yells over the booming music, “I’m Callum!” He sends a charming grin to the man.

“What’s your poison? Gin? Tequila? No, you strike me as a Sex on The Beach kind of guy!” Lukas sends a wink at Spencer, confidence radiating off of him.

“How’d you know?” Spencer grins back at him with that amused surprise Lukas was expecting.

“Little bartenders’ secret, cutie, maybe I’ll teach you some time,” he speaks as he begins making the drink, when he notices Spencer taking out his wallet, “oh, no! You put that away! First timer’s get their first drink on the house!”

“Really? Are you sure?” The easy conversation continues on before another twink runs up and all but drags Spencer back to the dance floor as if they knew each other forever. Lukas keeps his eyes on “Callum” the whole time, clearly taking the shine to him that everyone had hoped(and dreaded).

Spencer makes his way back to the bar, giggling and panting as he returns to his flirtatious conversations with the Unsub.

“Hey, Callum, do you wanna get outta here? My shift just ended.” Lukas leans in close to say the words directly into Spencer’s ear.

“I thought you’d never ask,” Spencer sends a lustful smile at him, his lip between his teeth. Smirking, Lukas jerks his head to gesture Spencer to follow him to the back which lead to the alleyway.

Before they even cross the door’s threshold, Lukas has his lips against Spencer’s, his tongue damn near down his throat. As he gets them out the door, the loud slam resonating through the speaker, his hands are firmly gripping Spencer’s ass, kneading and landing the occasional slap.

Spencer’s hands are lost in Lukas’ hair as the larger man backs him up against the brick wall. Patting his ass, Lukas gets Spencer to jump and wrap his legs around his waist. Holding Spencer up with his own body and the legs around his waist, he begins grinding against him, moving to attach his lips to the brunette’s neck.

“Fuck, baby, you taste so fuckin’ good,” his hand slides up Spencer’s body and plays with his nipple, coaxing moans from the twink in his arms.

“Lukas Mertins! FBI! Get on the ground with your hands behind your head!” Hotch yells at the man, all too eagerly as the team notices. The blonde immediately drops Spencer though he doesn’t let him get away. Mertins wraps his arm around his neck, holding him flush against his body, pulling a pocket knife from his slacks and presses it tightly against Spencer’s throat in retaliation to the guns aimed at him with 5 accompanying death glares.

“I don’t fuckin’ think so. You back the fuck off or I’m taking this slut out.” He hisses out and glares directly at Hotch.

“Hang on there, Reid.” Morgan calls out to said agent when he sees the flash of panic that appears for no more than a few seconds.

“Let him go, Mertins. You’re not getting out of this.” Hotch all but growls out, sending quick glances at Spencer to ensure he’s alright.

“I beg to differ-” Before he could finish, Hotch fires a shot into his shoulder, making him drop the knife and release Reid to cradle his injury as he stumbled to the ground, grunting and growling in rage.

“Then beg.” Hotch snarls, grabbing the jacket they had grabbed for Reid and hurrying to put it around his shoulders, Prentiss coming forward to pull him into her side both for warmth and a sense of protection, while Morgan happily forces Mertins’ arms behind his back. If he accidentally tugs just a bit too hard on the arm Hotch shot, then no one mentions it. Nor do they mention if he just so happens to grab onto the same shoulder to bring him to his feet.

“Least you can do is have the twink suck me off.” He sneers, nodding at Reid.

“That what you think he is? Some twink?” Hotch squints challengingly at the man, daring him to go on.

“He gave me blue balls.” With that, his glare is directed at Reid who only barely shows any of his discomfort, though enough to have Hotch pissed at the man before him.

“Did he?” He feigns surprise and sympathy as he slowly takes the 3 steps forward. Suddenly, in a flash of barely a second, his knee rises to meet Mertins’ crotch, a deep grimace returning as the Unsub groans and collapses to his knees as he curls in on himself. “Now they’re black and blue balls.”

The whole team says nothing as they watch the scene and make not a move to intervene, though some are wearing smirks at Hotch’s display of protectiveness.

“And you say you’re not the dad.” Prentiss, still with a slightly shivering Reid in her arms, teases. Hotch glances back at her, a glare with no heat behind it playing on his features, though he says nothing.

No one says a word but they all notice his lack of denial.

Emily leaves Spencer with a quick squeeze as she goes to take Mertins from Morgan when they begin to head back to the vehicles.

“Hey, you okay, kid?” Derek asks, pulling Spencer into his side for side hug for comfort and to provide some warmth.

“Yea, or well, I will be. Once I can brush my teeth.” Spencer’s answer prompts a chuckle from most of the team and a soft grin from Hotch, who’s just relieved Spencer is alright.

“That was impressive, you know. I don’t know many people who could keep their cool in a situation like that.” Dave smiles at him and gently touches his shoulder as he passes to one of the SUVs.

“He’s right, Spence, that was really brave.” JJ offers gently, a smile on her face she usually reserves for her sons.

“Bravest twink I ever met,” Emily teases, a playful and kind smile on her lips that Spencer can’t resist returning.

Once everyone gathers into their respective SUVs, they begin the drive back to the station to firstly get Spencer back into his own clothes and to pack up to head home. Hotch takes to sitting in the back with Spencer as Emily drives, holding Spencer as he’s still shivering; as well as for his own peace of mind to ensure he’s safe, not that he’ll admit that out loud.

“That was impressive, you did very well,” Hotch sends a small, proud smile to him, though it soon turns to slight worry, “are you okay, though? That was a lot.” Spencer smiles at the concern, really seeing his “Dad Mode” as the team calls it.

“I’m okay. I’ll be much more comfortable in clothes with more coverage and some mouthwash, but I’m alright, right now.” Nearly the moment he finishes his sentence Emily’s phone blares to life, flashing with Penelope’s contact.

“Hey, what’s up, Garcia?” Emily announces into the phone, signaling she’s on speaker.

“Oh my sweet Boy Wonder! How are you?! Are you okay?! That was amazing! I didn’t know you could move like that! I’m definitely taking you the next time I go dancing! Please tell me someone punched that guy in the dick! Did he hurt you?! Be ready for a hug the moment you get back!!” She rushes, hardly taking a breath between sentences, making Emily and Spencer laugh and Hotch lightly chuckle with a fond smile.

“I’m alright, I promise. We’ll see about that dancing. Don’t worry, his genitals did not leave unscathed. And I’m looking forward to it, Penelope.” Spencer stays grinning throughout his update.

“Good! And, see, this is why I’m not in the field! No one messes with my Beautiful Boy Wonder! He wouldn’t be walking away at all if I was there!” She lets out her mini rant, adding in more bits of her protectiveness of him, in particular of the team, before she eventually hangs up.

They get back to the station, wrap everything up, get Spencer back into his own clothes, and bid adieu to the local enforcement and climb on the jet.

Spencer’s still low body temperature is making him tired, which he tries to explain the science behind as he’s floating in and out of consciousness. Hotch, who’s sitting beside him, smiles fondly at his habits and lightly directs his head to lean on his shoulder, where the Doctor promptly falls asleep.

The team, expectedly, grins at the sight and Derek and Emily immediately jump at the chance to take pictures, most of which sport a Hotch glancing at the camera with an amused smirk.

“Still not ‘the Dad’?” JJ smirks at Hotch over her book, gesturing with a quick glance at the man on his shoulder.

A defeated smile on his lips, Hotch huffs a silent chuckle, “No comment.”

[picturejasper20]

If you have been following me for a while you may have noticed that i really like the ¨hero-villain¨-rival dynamic that Danny Fenton and Vlad Masters have in Danny Phantom. I have made some posts about it and commenting about some of their scenes.

However, one thing i think i have never done is to make a post analysis about the reasons of why i like it so much and it is one of my favourite hero-villain dynamics.

In this post i'm going to go by different points of why i enjoy this dynamic so much and analyse how it works.

First, one aspect that is crucial of Danny and Vlad's dynamic is how similar they are. They both used to be regular humans until they went through a portal accident that turned them into ghost-human hybrids and, as result, they have to hide their ghost half from other people.

They both used to be/are part of a friend trio with them having a crush on their woman/girl best friend. In Danny's case it is Tucker and Sam. In Vlad's, it used to be Jack and Maddie before the portal accident happened.

The main difference is how they reacted to their portal accidents and how their respective frienships changed after that.

After Danny got transformed into a half ghost, he decided to use his new powers to protect Amity park from other ghosts that went through the Fenton portal. He always does the best he can to help others even if he does makes mistakes.

His friendship with Sam and Tucker remained the same after the accident. He didn't get angry with any of them and didn't push them away. From their part, they accepted Danny for who he was, keeping his ghost identity as a secret and supporting him with any issue that he had to face.

For Vlad... his accident was quite different since it was caused accidentally by Jack, who was his best friend. This left Vlad hospitalized for many years and having to deal with new ghosts powers by his own. As result he was consumed by desire of revenge of the person he considered his best friend and believing that Jack ¨stole¨ the family that should have been his.

While it isn't clear what happened during those years between Jack, Maddie and Vlad, there are some implications that Jack and Maddie ¨abandoned¨ Vlad and over time they married. It is possible that Vlad may have pushed them away from his part and later became obsessed with making the Fenton family his own.

In contrast to Danny, Vlad used his ghost powers to get more power to fill the void that came from the loneliness he had. He became obsessed with always being control, manipulating and tricking others, out of fear of being left alone and being hurt again.

They both are clearly intended to be foil of each other, with Vlad representing what Danny could have turned into had he followed a darker manipulative path and maybe if he hadn't had the support that he has from his friends and family in the series.

Another aspect i really like is how personal Vlad as antagonist feels, something that was intentional from the writers' part since he was created to act as a sort of an annoying family member that you can't rid of.

Source: From an old interview of the series Vlad is often referred to as an "uncle" by Danny, usually in a mocking sarcastic way. Maddie and Jack consider him a very close friend (later mainly from Jack) and Jack often goes to Vlad's events to support him.

So, yeah, Vlad is a "very annoying uncle" that Danny has to put up with constanly and can't do much except throw sarcastic remarks when his parents are around.

In addition to this, Vlad really knows how to get in Danny's mind and provoke him. He knows how to push Phantom's buttons and trick him into doing what he wants. He often teases Danny about how he is becoming like him, usually as a way to mess with him or persuade him into joining him.

One of my favourite exchanges is this is scene from "Reign Storm":

Vlad: Sneak attack, very good, Daniel. You're getting more like me with every battle. Danny: I am nothing like you! Vlad: Oh, you're not? Using your powers to get back at people you don't like? Throwing the first punch? You're more like me than you know.

The thing is that Vlad is right that Danny was using his powers to get back to people he doesn't like and "throwing the first punch". Masters was probably saying this to mess with Danny's head or making him believe that he isn't much different from him, which, to a certain extent, is true.

Another example of this is in "Bitter Reunions" when Danny tricks Vlad into making a truce with him if he doesn't want others to find out that he is half ghost. He uses this opportunity to see this as a "small win" since he "teached" something to Danny.

Vlad: Using your opponent's weaknesses against him. I am teaching you something after all.

This idea of feeling ¨personal¨ or knowing how to push the protagonist buttons is something that i wished to see more in antagonists from other series. It makes them more entertaining to watch. On third point, it is what Vlad's goals are in relation to Danny. In contrast to main antagonists you see in other animated shows, Vlad isn't out to destroy Danny. On the contrary: He wants Danny to be his son.

This comes from two things: One, thinking that Danny is the family that should have been his and was "stolen" by Jack after the ghost portal accident back in his college years. Second, from the extreme loneliness he lives in and the desire to have someone else who is just like him, a half human-half ghost, that being one of the main reasons he finds himself so lonely all the time.

Many of Vlad's episodes involve him trying to make Danny his pupil/son in some way, either by provoking him, manipulating him or trying to break the relationships he has with his family. It's one of Vlad's biggest obsessions in the show.

It goes to such extreme methods that he starts a project to clone Danny. Something that takes him months and multiple attempts of watching clones disintegrate over and over again. This is explored in the episode "Kindred Spirits" where Danny finds out about this project, befriends Danielle -one of the clones- and destroys the whole lab.

Now, one thing that is interesting of all this is because Vlad has this obsession of making Danny his pupil/son, he has an emotional attachment to Danny, in the sense that he has a desire to protect him and help him if the boy is in trouble. Just like father takes care of his son.

This is more of a fanon aspect that is more explored in fanfics than in canon. However, there are some examples of this in the series,some being more clear than others.

The biggest one of this is in the alternative timeline from "The Ultimate Enemy" where Danny's friends and family die, Vlad takes care of him and decides to help Danny get rid of his ghost half to make him feel less miserable. Future Vlad also kept Danny's school bag intact for years even after that version of Danny transformed into Dan.

Another more subtle one is Vlad bringing a knocked out Danny back from the Ghost King's castle near the end of Reign Storm ( which was also to get on Jack and Maddie's good side).

There is also how Vlad rarely tries to go all out with his ghost powers against Danny and the implications that he could have got rid of the teen any time he wanted to in the show but he didn't.

Many fanfics involve Vlad saving Danny or protecting him from some powerful ghost enemy. This usually leads to the two characters working together to fight against said enemy. Other fanfics explore the idea of Danny getting scared/accidentally hurt by his parents when they find out that he is Phantom and him choosing to stay with Vlad until they both find a solution to the situation.

These fanfics potray Vlad as a bit more of morally grey character in contrast to the main series. Often while working together, both Danny and Vlad come to understand each other better and the story ends with them making a truce or Vlad starting a redemption arc.

In A Glitch in Time graphic novel, which is inspired by Danny Phantom fanon up to a point, has Vlad helping and protecting Danny in more than one occasion during the battle against Dan. They later fight together and are able to defeat Dan, separating him from Clockwork.

On last point, that has to do with the previous point, it is that there is a bit of tragedy in their relationship. The two are the only ghost-human hybrids in existence (If you don't count Danielle and Dan, the later being a fusion of Vlad and Danny). The two would benefit from helping and supporting each other, specially Vlad having more experience could teach Danny how to control his powers and guide him in cases he doesn't understand what is happening to him.

But, due to both clashing with their goals and Vlad not being able to let go of his past, they become bitter enemies in the series. They are constanly at each other's throats, with Vlad always coming up with some plan that involves manipulating the Fentons or leaving the city of Amity Park in danger.

In spite of this, after the events of ¨A Glitch in Time¨, they seem to be in better terms, with Vlad trying to make amends for all his past misdeeds and the chance of becoming somewhat allies in a near future.

To sum up: These are the main reasons i really like Danny and Vlad's rivarly in Danny Phantom. I like how complex it is and that it has different sides to it. In that regard it stands out to me from other hero-villain dynamics and it makes it one of my favourites.

[ctheathy]

Hi I love your story and I read your secret histories story and I love it, I wanna ask if your not busy how about a yandere secret history tails x reader where she is a kind and sweet person who never judge someone by their appearance and she dotes and pampers him a lot

Yandere Secret History Tails w/ sweetheart!Darling

Secret History Tails x Reader

Yandere Headcanons

Short Concept

Author’s note : Why hello, Nonnie!! Of course you may, my darling, hope you’ll be able to enjoy<3<3 My apologies for slight inactiveness, I assure each and every one of you that more headcanons of our lil ol’ psycho and other characters are also coming up; things have just been a teensy tiny bit busy for me lately, but I do try keeping up with the requests. Don’t want to let yall down💞

Quick note that I do not write for gendered Readers much though!! Accidents can happen when requesting, and I promise I am not upset, but just so everyone understands that gender is not something I’m going after.

Due to the request describing identical characteristics for the Reader as the one in my A Once Innocent Act of Tenderness fic and no specified choice of content was asked for, headcanons with that particular darling were chosen =} Just see it as a minor backup continuation of the story.

A Once Innocent Act of Tenderness ➷

[Gender-neutral Darling|Female Darling|Male Darling]

Potential ⚠️TWs⚠️ :

Delusional mindsets • Obsessive + Possessive behaviour • Murder + Torture mention • Forced relationship • Co-dependency • Kidnapping • Worship • Psychological abu$3 • Brainwashing trauma [On Tails’ part] • Tails may as well get his own TW tbh

Outwardly there doesn’t seem to be all too big of a difference between yandere Secret History Tails and his neutral version. They’re both still very much sociopathic, show clear signs of unhinged behaviour and may get obsessive streaks from time to time, are manipulators at heart, can remain atleast somewhat delusional about both of your relationship with one another and they too view you as something much more above than any other mobian that might have their ways in their pathetic unworth of a universe. And although he normally could have recovered from this mindset slowly with the help by his side, his full on yandere form however, does not. And all honestly speaking, it wouldn’t even be likely to occur in the first place without a specific darling that is kind and has been there from the very beginning; when his trauma of brainwash has developed into something else ...and certainly not something in a positive light. It’s safe to say that this version of his may even be more disturbed than the sanity of his usual self, and that information alone is enough to bring in that you’re going to be stuck on quite the bumpy ride.

While his usual worshipping behaviour would hold nothing malicious behind it, this case is a little more ... interestingly different to say the least. Unlike his casual form who most easily said puts you in the place which was originally meant to be taken by Sonic after you’ve came along and properly earned it; this state of his and his already existing delusions have caused him to literally believe you to be his own personal guardian angel, being there for him in order to protect him from all the wrongs, misery and injustice in this existence. Unlike usual, at an early point he knows that the “real” Sonic of his dimension doesn’t want him, just letting the hedgehog take advantage of his seemingly non-lucid state and torment him to no end; causing him to both grow incredibly touch starved for any kind of gentle offering and worsening his already unstable mindset. And the one simple change that makes all the difference between the two is how he’d normally find himself giving in over time torwards your doting nature with him in particular, while this version of his had already emotionally snapped before he even got the chance to do so. Now the only motivations being left to linger in the back of his mind being the one entity that’s been sweet to him right from the start, and the desperate desire to just take them in as his own--His property. The others have been able to keep you and your dearing behaviour all to themselves for far too long by now, it’s only fair.

As information that’s been given before, a darling like this has him fairly taken aback, the sweet demeanour being, quite sadly said, totally foreign to him. On one hand he wants to give in, wants to achieve the gentleness that’s right on the end of the line and so easily accessible, the desires for the consideration and care becoming close to unbearable to him; but right at the same time, he feels suspicious torwards the close to angelic aura around them, feeling as if it’s nothing more and nothing less than some mere act. This distrust being caused by the harassment he’s got back when he wasn’t even in this position as Sonic’s best friend, despite the lack of memory from it. You’re too sweet for your own good, too perfect; of course it couldn’t be genuine. Another thing potentially stalling him is the fact how Sega has quite literally made him believe how his existence is meant to be surrounded by Sonic, it becoming closer to convincing him farther how it holds absolutely zero meaning without the blue hedgehog being in the picture. But even despite these thoughts of protest, the fox can only take so much. there’s gonna be some point where he cannot suppress these feelings anymore.

Even though his usual self is no exception to causing deaths of those that just so happened to cause immense discomfort or pain to you; another thing that can be written off as a big change is that he’s a whole lot more violent torwards any potential rivals, quite literally going off for torture right off the bat, unlike his casual self who just wishes to get the job done with by blowing the said mobian into hundreds of little bits by his excellent yet dangerous explosives. His yandere form however ... Is absolutely not comparable; his actions now being much more similar to how he treated his victims at the end of secret histories. The two-tailed fox absolutely has zero restraints over himself and is often completely out of control when doing so, the blood of his nemesis covering the floor and walls and psychopathic laughter filling the air. Another important aim being how unlike he would have behaved with Sonic’s case, he would be a whole lot more secretive about the entire murder thing around you. He wouldn’t want to upset his precious and divine admirer now, would he? You’d slowly notice those around you starting to disappear into thin air, each and every acquaintance vanishing only to never see the light of day ever again.

Something else I could picture is that he specifically holds immense grudges against any other Tails counterparts of his, going as far to just take care of the little issue almost immediately after notice. Despite being the filthy imposters they are, he’ll likely feel as if their chances with you rival his own, knowing just as well that they’re close to identical in appearance and intelligence. And if anything, he likely feels the most threatened by them, knowing they could all charm and lure you in all the same way you were captivated by him to begin with.

As for his behaviour torwards his darling after legitimately cracking and taking them in out of said ‘‘protection”, it could mostly be written down as both having a rather clingy and worshipping attitude, yet surprisingly distant right at the same time; not wanting to scare them off. You’re not going anywhere, he knows that much, but having them dreadfully fear him to no avail in improvement over time would absolutely crumble the fox to pieces. He absolutely doesn’t mean any kind of harm torwards his darling, to the point of quite literally not daring to lay a finger on them; but if it wasn’t already obvious before, he has clear limits to his patience. Although not directed torwards them, he can be found growing aggressive due to the lack of emotional touch and is often one to take it out on the unfortunate bystanders nearby, gifting you their still beating hearts as his own little way to show his graciousness torwards you, not realising in the slightest how terrified it truly makes them.

Don’t get me wrong, he adores you with your entire being, he really does; but he has never learned to express them the right way. And I cannot really help but see him as a whole lot more repulsive and abominable as a yandere due to one particular reason. The core of his delusions stop him from thinking properly while it causes refusal torwards the evidence literally laying in front of him; being blinded by unrealistic beliefs and inflicting them onto his poor darling in a sense of purification, all while holding them hostage in a cold and dusted basement. He’d also be a whole lot less obedient to what his darling has to say, feeling as if he’s protecting them despite their protests. You’re silly, of course your naiveness wouldn’t let you catch up with all the potential threats--those rubbish imposters just wandering around you throughout the day. And although the confidence in his beliefs has caused them to become close to being the actual truth in his own unhinged headspace,

that hasn’t stopped him from psychologically harming his darling over and over again.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Say, recall that post on how Season1 to 3 could be done with the revised Butterfly? I realize one could get the same general plot beats out of season 4 with it & the 12 Kwami too... Well kinda.

Here's how I'd do it if I had to stick to some things bit not others XD

Season 3: As before, Kim was Tiger King & Chat Blanc was more like a prophecy. Also Gabriel steals the Miraculous that weren't being used, Mouse & Peacock.

Miracle Queen is slightly altered to show more sympathy for Chloe, either with her being an Akuma kid, so Gabriel forcibly Akumtizes her, or showing how unstable her head-space is.

Rather than declaring for Hawk Moth, Chloe just tries to run but its seen as an admission of guilt by the heroes who don't ear her out.

Season 4: Marinette & Adrien's whole arc is grappling with issues of trust, forgiveness, looking back and realizing mistakes sometimes in time other times too late & the increasingly crushing weight of their duties. Overall mostly the same-ish, the differences come from the villains and can be broken into 4 quarters.

Quarter 1: Truth & Lies is one episode, Gabriel has been subtly negging Kagami & having Lila through one means or another stoke paranoia in Luka. He uses Mullo to duplicate his Akuma & transforms them both at the same time, as well as giving them Familiars. He uses the Peaock to transmute their physical forms to make them more dangerous or hard to hit.

This nearly wins him the day, Marinette has to pull on most reserve heroes & uses a combo of Multi-Mouse & Trixx to protect her identity, which coincides with her having to reveal her identity to Alya to get the job done. The big reason he loses is the Kwami didn't tell him that while adults can use the powers more than once, they can still be hurt overdoing it, so Gabriel collapses from the strain & is pissed.

Stuck on more subtle methods for the next quarter he persists in trying to low key undermine Kagami, Chloe, harass the other temp heroes & uses Lila as his on the ground scout. She's living alone in a new apartment now with her mother thinking she's at a fancy boarding school & she's clearly... struggling, but doubling down thinking she can somehow 'win'.

The other big shift if Chloe's head-space is less pro Hawk Moth and more bitter cynic about the heroes. Sabrina notes she thinks 'something' happened on Miracle Queen Day but Chloe can't/wont talk about it.

Sole Queen happens here with her trying to be a good big sister, IE:

"Dressing and acting this way is expected, this is how we avoid mothers wrath, don't fall for fathers sad dog act give him an inch & he takes a mile. Our classmates have no sympathy for people who aren't doormats & if you want to resist Hawk Moth you have to be strong!"

The pressure she puts on Zoe is a microcosm of the pressure she's under & Zoe snaps. Then gets accepted by the class which Chloe has mixed vibes on at best. Their relationship persists a little longer n that Adrien & Chloe "I want this to work but not on your terms" and Chloe's "I want this to work but I need more from you than you give."

Quarter 2: Alya has been helping Marinette cover her identity, serving as substitute Ladybug and the "new" fox.

Lila continues stalking & sabotage. Chloe's head space continues to deteriorate, while others like Kagami also show issues they get sufficient support that it doesn't break them.

Queen Bananas is actually a major episode two one scene. When the movie is being discussed in class, Chloe is absent. It cuts to Gabriel's Manor where a very frazzled Chloe is being given a manipulative spiel about how "This movie is for you, to finally say your piece and have people hear you."

When she leaves she sees a similarly frazzled Lila being shooed away, "You are not meant to come here in daylight" and the two hair a brief stare off before looking away and pretending they didn't see the other. Besides that, when Gabriel sabotages 'her' movie and gives it to the class in secret, Chloe's breakdown reaches peak.

This is also where she realizes Gabriel is Hawk Moth intensifying her lashing out at Adrien, "Were you in on this!? Of course you don't understand you never listen!" and as Queen Banana she is extra unhinged. Still, nefore she transformed she was shown scribbling "Gabriel = Hawk Moth" on her arm.

Quarter 3: Lila has been stalking Alya and while nothing is confirmed, (To Gabriel) he does know she's still in Ladybug's confidence. Cue all that noise.

Alya almost gives in, but doesn't solely cos she knows Marinette's identity. IE, she would have gone Miracle Queen for her family too, but she had more reason to trust Ladybug.

Despite the win, this is where Alya has to publicly quit being Ladybug's ally because she's endangering her family.

& worse? The fox is missing.

Lila has it, but Hawk Moth doesn't know.

At the end of this quarter Gabriel is back to using all three Miraculous baby!

Penal Team is the culmination of Chloe's anger at the heroes, isolation from support & rejection by others all manifesting in a massive:

"You want a monster, I'll give you a monster like you've never seen!"

This also breaks between Chloe & Sabrina; potentially on purpose. The battle is hard and hectic & Ladybug has to call on many heroes to win & they ultimately end up in a stalemate.

Chloe's anger is to uncontrolled to articulate anything beyond vagaries abut being left exposed, how she thinks Hawk Moth will win, s just trying to survive, ETC. When looked back on it makes a major point but in the moment it gets a:

"This is why you were never fit to be a hero!"

Which ends up leaving her so depressed, along with the stalemate that she forcibly kicks Hawk Moth out of her head and just... Quits.

Lila comes to recruit her at the end of it but Chloe is looking at the broken glasses and smirking, stopping Lila in her tracks by asking if she wants a jib.

Quarter 4: Adrien is still being sent on some kind of tour, or Felix has some kind of prank (Seemingly) planned for the event. Either way Marinette needs to get in to see him for sentimental reasons like passing on a gift from class or to stop the "Prank" (the whole thing with the rings)

She is surprised that Jean seemed leery to add her to the staff when Zoe used her Chloe impersonation though. As well as confused there's another "new staffer" Its Chloe in a bird mask. Yet a confident, swaggering Chloe is also attending the party, whaaaat?

Yeah its Lila using Glamour and make up to pass as Chloe.

Meanwhile Chloe breaks into Gabriel's office, finds the secret entryway and basically holds reveling the truth or Emilie's life hostage in a very. "Yes I'll go down but I will take you down with me" way. Forcing Gabriel to surrender the Peacock "He used it least so he's likely to give it up" and swear to leave her loved one's alone.

He bitterly does so before Akumatizing himself to try and get it back.

Lila gets a message telling her to leave & that Chloe will be leaving Paris that night if she wants to come. Lila is unsure caught between escape or finding a way to do more than 'run and hide', but either trust Ladybug enough to jus tell her this stuff. So she gets caught & Gabriel realizes she had the Fox but she loses it.

The episode ends on a disguised Chloe getting a hotel room in London, having used the transmutation power to make gold.

The big finale is basically built around a major scheme of Gabriel's.

Like canon in that respect but also him offering Lila a "Chance at redemption". Which comes with incredible danger!

She manages to play her part well, in part by figuring out Ladybug's identity and does actually steal all her Miraculous, including Tikki.

Buuuut she doesn't trust Gabriel and when he does indeed turn on her she manages to slip away with Tikki & maybe one other.

She returns it to Marinette & gives her a brief summary of, "Hawk Moth is Gabriel, he messed with out heads, betrayed us, and was always going to throw us away, & I don't know what to do anymore."

Exactly what state she's in when its all over, or if its even her who makes the delivery or a Kwami she gave the Miraculous too, or if she stays in Paris are all unclear. The underlying theme is she got dragged in too deep and taken advantage of by a adult manipulator. & that she didn't think anyone would believe her or care once she knew how bad it was. So rather than trying to get out (As Choe did) she tried to turn the game on him and uuh, it didn't pan out.

This episode would also likely involve Adrien also discovering the truth about Gabriel & basically needing to run like hell, but he can't contact Ladybug about it in time.

Season ends on Marinette & Adrien revealing their identities as they resolve to continue the fight.

Chloe is shown watching Hawk Moth's dramatic "I will soon win!" proclamation with Doosoo insinuating she'll be making a comeback in Season 5.

Not sure what would happen there, but yeah. that's a general idea anyway XD

let! Chloé! Go! Feral!

[havendance]

Sasha Bordeaux Tim Drake Roleswap AU

Because it turns out I have a lot more thoughts on this.

Following Jason’s tragic death in Ethiopia, Bruce Wayne is coping extremely poorly. After a rather public reminder of his grief spiral—I don’t know a car accident or something—the Wayne Enterprises board of directors gets nervous and saddles Bruce with a bodyguard.

Bruce does not like this any more than he does when they pull this move on him in canon post-NML. However, he is also depressed and puts up less of a fight.

Sasha Bordeaux finds herself saddled with keeping alive a very slippery, very depressed man who will disappear on her and return with injuries he doesn’t hide particularly well or bother to explain.

Sasha is a professional. She uncovers Bruce’s secret identity fairly quickly (Bruce is very much not doing well and his secret keeping skills are at an all time low probably) and proceeds to force herself onto his team.

She was hired to keep Bruce alive and if that means she also has to keep Batman alive, then so be it.

After about a week of her following Batman around and involving herself in his business, Bruce relents and begins training Sasha in an attempt to scare her off. It doesn’t work.

Sasha Bordeaux does not become Robin. She is initially a nameless vigilante fighting at Batman’s side. Eventually, she picks up the moniker of Shadow for the way she follows him around.

She also does not have that same bone-deep commitment to the code that Batman and his other allies do. You know the jokes about how Tim only doesn’t kill because Batman says so? That’s more accurate for Sasha here.

That is not to say she’d kill people like crazy if it weren’t for Batman, but she is an adult professional and in a field where sometimes lethal force is necessary. If the decision comes down between her client’s life and the life of their attacker, she will protect her client. She respects and understands Bruce’s reason for his code, and as long as she is acting as a vigilante, she will abide by it, but her refusal to completely believe in it is a source of tension between her and Bruce.

Her attitude towards vigilantism is also different. She is learning from Batman and she fights alongside him, but she is not his sidekick. She is his employee. Her first and foremost priority is him. As time goes on, she does come to value and become more invested in the other parts of vigilantism, but her first priority always remains Bruce.

Having Sasha around does help pull Bruce out of his rut because he now has to think about having another person around him. Sasha’s lack of complete buy-in with his code also forces him to be more aware of it in his own actions.

Tim’s superpower is networking. Sasha’s is not. As a result of this, Bruce remains more isolated in his crime fighting. Without Tim there to drag Dick back, their relationship is much more distant and strained. While they eventually reconcile from the aftermath of Jason’s death, I don’t think they get to the point where Bruce formally adopts him. Likewise, he’ll work with Oracle, but they’re both far more likely to just do their own thing.

Without Tim, Helena doesn’t really make it to the point of ‘in and out’ of Batman’s circle. She stays solidly on the outside. She remains on the Justice League reserves, but she doesn’t have her JLA membership in this AU. Eventually though, she still does join up with the Birds of Prey.

Similarly, Stephanie doesn’t really have any of the teaming up with Tim that she does. All she’s got is her own gumption and Batman telling her to stop.

Let’s take a moment to talk about Knightfall. Jean-Paul Valley happens. Bruce tells Sasha to get him trained up and she does. Bruce still makes him Batman.

When he goes off to rescue Dr Kinsolving though, she refuses to stay behind and keep an eye on Jean-Paul and instead accompanies him. She’s his bodyguard after all, not Jean-Paul Valley’s.

This results in things going downhill even quicker for poor JPV.

To me, this results in Helena having a precursor to her No Man’s Land arc where she realizes that someone needs to step up, but I feel like it’s more likely that she just thinks that Batman’s rally gone off the rails, steers clear of him, and judges him for being so high and mighty for her crossing the line when he’s like this now.

Anyway, Bruce gets magicured and comes back to Gotham. He does call in Dick for help (Dick is still annoyed about the Azbats thing but he comes when called). Prodigal doesn’t happen.

Sasha eventually joins Bruce’s cast of love interests. Since they’re on the same side, there isn’t the inherent drama of Selina or Talia, but I’m sure Bruce can find a way to make it tragic.

Hmm, I’m not interested in retelling canon except Tim’s not there so we’re going to skip ahead some.

Sasha follows Bruce on his No Man’s Land guilt-bender which probably has more guilt since she’s standing there all the time judging him. She also breaks up with him. Because he’s in his guilt-bender era.

We’ve got to build isolation mode Bruce, so let’s say, somewhere during the climax of No Man’s Land, Sasha needs to kill someone, which sparks conflict—

No wait, better idea. Bruce and Dick are at a disagreement over Dick’s decision to join the police force. Officer Down drives them further apart and also results in Alfred deciding to pack up and move in with Dick instead. Barbara is also mad at Bruce because of Officer Down.

When Hugo Strange does attack Wayne Enterprises, Sasha is put in the position where the only option she can see is to shoot to kill.

This leads to a huge argument between her and Bruce where they probably have one of those “you’re fired” “well, I quit” exchanges and she storms out.

They are still, of course, tragically in love though. (I am not the hugest fan of Sasha/Bruce but it has grown on me.)

What happens to Sasha after this? Hmm, let’s say Barbara recruits her for the Birds of Prey because she knows all their secrets and is still a part of this now..

This one of the few times that Sasha is ever a team player. She mainly sticks with Bruce. The only exception is the Outsiders when it’s Bruce’s team. She probably takes over them instead of Alfred (I still think that was the silly sort of comics stupid) which Bruce is in his ‘dead’ era.

But now, it’s time to talk about Tim. For that, we go all the way back to the beginning: Haly’s Circus, the night the Graysons fell.

Tim needs to be an adult in this AU for plot reasons, so we’ll say he was the same age as Dick. Acrobatics was just the latest in a long string of interests his parents had encouraged, so when he met Dick, that was one of the coolest things ever.

And then the Graysons fall to their deaths.

This leaves Tim with recurring nightmares and a new obsession with death and the Batman, something that his parents are uncomfortable with.

One night when Tim’s in high school, while he’s out late with his friends, in places they shouldn’t be, they get into more trouble than they can handle and Robin saves them.

Robin uses a quadruple somersault.

Tim keeps the knowledge close and never talks about it.

Towards the end of his freshman year of college, his parents are killed in a car accident while abroad. He ends up taking his inheritance, dropping out of school and doing his own mini Batman training tour, going here and there, doing odd jobs, learning from whoever will teach him, and doing a class here or there.

He does manage to scrape enough credits and motivation together to get a degree, right around the time No Man’s Land is ending. He’s still pretty aimless, so when he hears that the board is hiring a personal assistant for Bruce Wayne, he applies.

Bruce is in self-isolation mode and absolutely does not want yet another person foisted upon him by the board. Unfortunately, Tim is just as tenacious as Sasha was, he kind of reminds Bruce of Dick (who he misses because he’s sabotaged that relationship so hard), and so, when Tim inadvertently lets on that he knows Bruce’s secret, he starts teaching Tim vigilantism as well. Because he’s also pretty lonely.

Tim is enthusiastic about all of this and is also trying to encourage Bruce to reconnect to people with mixed results. I think he does succeed at getting Bruce and Dick to talk for once in their lives, but most of the time Bruce is not particularly inclined to listen to him and also he had some pretty bad arguments with people.

So Bruce is still on his own when he is framed for murder. Tim, as his live-in personal assistant, is also there and arrested.

Blah blah blah Bruce Wayne: Murderer/Fugitive happens. Dick, who has recently reconnected with Bruce a little more, is like ‘that’s my emotionally distant father figure who I refuse to believe could commit murder’. Sasha also does not believe it due to their previous conflicts and ends up coming back to help the investigation.

They clear his name, but before they can get Tim out, he gets his death faked in prison and recruited by Checkmate.

Bruce still gets very upset by this because, while Tim was kind of annoying, he also reminded him of Dick and the fact that he is dead is hitting some really sore spots for him so he terrorizes Checkmate until they cough Tim up to tell him that he wants to stay.

Tim has been looking for purpose and Checkmate gives him that. It was cool, fighting with Batman, but he was also very much aware that he was coming from outside and Bruce has people supporting him now, so he doesn’t need Tim.

We’re going to skip ahead again to CheckOut because THIS is the big Dick & Tim teamup in this AU.

Tim has done all the OMAC project stuff, he tried to organize a coup against Maxwell Lord to mixed results, he got OMAC-ifified, and he got promoted to Black King afterward despite his youth because he has an A-tier networking game.

And now Checkmate wants to take on Oolong Island, but they can’t because politics, so Tim suggests they Shanghai the Outsiders for a number of practical reasons, but mainly because he is still a major Nightwing fan.

He’s over here like ‘we’ll kidnap everyone except Nightwing because clearly Nightwing is too amazing and awesome for us to kidnap so instead we’ll lure him to us.’

And they like fight and Nightwing recognizes him as that guy who was working with Batman before because of his fighting style and they banter their way across this teamup. I  don’t think Tim ever tells him about watching his parents die because Tim does in fact have tact in that regard, but he has a great time getting to team up with Nightwing. Except for all the torture of course.

But back to Sasha, when Bruce dies, Nightwing takes over as Batman and makes Damian the first new Robin since Jason.

I know I said Sasha probably ended up in charge of the Outsiders, but also I think she should do the Bruce-quest as being one of the most attached to Bruce.

Sasha and Alfred team up maybe?

Anyway, I think I’m going to call it here because this is still plenty long. 

[wardevilwins]

There Is No Such Thing As Justice With Chainsaw Man

正義の味方: the Ally of Justice. This is a concept that runs through Japanese hero stories, from cop dramas to Kamen Rider and now to Chainsaw Man. It begins in 1958 with the mysterious figure of Moonlight Mask.

Moonlight Mask (月光仮面) is Japan’s first Superhero Tokusatsu (practical effects based film such as Ultraman, Kamen Rider, Godzilla, etc.) The series follows a simple formula, one of the “Skull Masks,” a group of international spies that wears well…skull masks, will be running some evil scheme in their effort to acquire the “Joe-engine Bomb,” a secret weapon developed by Japanese scientists.

When the Skull Masks’ villainous ways put innocents in danger, there appears the masked man, Ally of Justice, Moonlight Mask, riding on his motorcycle, with automatic pistol in hand. He only shoots to disarm, never to kill, forgives his enemies and never takes a life. He uses his superhuman (?) strength to protect the weak.

One interesting aspect of Moonlight Mask is that no one, not even the audience, has the hero’s hidden identity confirmed. It is implied through the storytelling that the great detective Juurou and Moonlight are one and the same, but even the credits don’t reveal his identity: Moonlight, played by “?”

This concept of Justice — a faceless, benevolent protector — is the foundation of Japanese super hero stories. You can see its influence in the Kamen Rider, Super Sentai and Sailor Moon, and you can see it’s negation in Chainsaw Man.

Denji is notable amongst Shonen heroes for his unclear ethics. More than his unfiltered sexuality, his lack of education or his meager material conditions, this is what makes him especially relatable.

Other heroes in the Moonlight Mask tradition are driven by a particular sense of morality, of Justice, and they act to protect that idea of what is right and wrong. But the rules they are bound by exist beyond the law and order of civil society. Moonlight Mask never kills, not because killing is illegal, but because it is wrong. His motto: “Don’t hate, don’t kill, forgive.”

Denji does not have a meaningful code. Nor does he have a particularly meaningful dream. His goals are mundane and his morality is common. He doesn’t want to hurt people, he doesn’t want to let them die, and he is kind. But this isn’t motivated by a coherent philosophy. And it doesn’t spur him to action. It is, if anything, a point of confusion.

This makes Denji realistic, because individuals rarely have a coherent ethical system by which they evaluate their choices. People make the choices that they do because of who they are, whether those choices are coherent or not. Choices aren’t computations or evaluations, they are the endpoints of a story.

This is Fujimoto’s brand of existentialism, not unlike Kierkegaard’s, but with less freedom. Denji creates the meaning of his existence from what he sees around him — he decides his own dreams — but this doesn’t grant him the sublime freedom to take a leap of faith. Rather, it is an act of necessity, something that you cannot help but do. You need to dream to keep moving forward.

Ethics, then, is not a dispassionate evaluation, but an encounter between a person’s intrinsic drive for a better life and the reality of the world. Regardless of choices being right or wrong, people still do what they do for reasons rooted in the life they have lived. This is the reality of how choices are made, rather than an ideal designed for passing judgement.

On the contrary, the villains in Chainsaw Man are exactly those people who believe that they can pass judgement. The Allies of Justice are not heroes who protect the weak, they are villains who use their moral code to justify selfish action. And that is the root of evil: they are dishonest with their selfish life.

Yuko is an example of this. Yuko wants to save Asa because she wants to be seen as a hero, like Chainsaw Man, but she justifies it by casting herself as an Ally of Justice, a protector of the weak, like Moonlight Mask. Unlike Moonlight Mask, she doesn’t follow some abstract code. Her inflated ego leads her to justify violence, and ultimately transforms her into a devil.

Asa, on the other hand, is genuinely selfish in her actions. She makes choices based on what she wants to be right, regardless of the outcome. She doesn’t hide her selfish intent behind a moral excuse; she is selfishly moral: she acts as she wants the world to be, rather than giving in to what it is.

This is closer to Kierkegaard, but again, there is no faith. Asa doesn’t have to believe the world is good. This is the selfish aspect. She decides what the good choice is based on her moral intuition, then tries to make that real, even if it is a risk. This is Fujimoto’s heroism: the bravery to be wrong.

This Justice, this heroism, is consistent but dependent. It’s not the same as relativism because Yuko was wrong. She wasn’t being honest with her dreams. She was selfish, but not living selfishly.

This is why there is no Justice with Chainsaw Man. Because what is right isn’t about an abstract Justice which you defend. The hero isn’t a faceless detective, stripped of his name, who appears from the shadows the save you from a similarly faceless evil. The hero is just a kid, just some girl, just a person who has lived a life which has led to a moment, and in that moment makes a choice, adds to their story.

Chainsaw Man isn’t a story with Justice, it is a story about Justice. A story about how Justice is created in the search for happiness. And right now, Denji has lost his drive. He has lost sight of who he wants to be — which is good to some degree, as he l still clings to sexual impulse — but has yet to discover what good he wants to create, what he wants to believe the world should be.

There is No Justice With Chainsaw Man

Yet.

[mishanym]

Thank you for @mysteriouslover1516 for asking me this interesting question.

How do I imagine Jake?

(Please refrain from reading this if you haven't completed the game as this contains some spoilers. :) I recommend you to finish the game and come back to read this after).

I imagine Jake as a reserved personality. I imagine his life to be difficult and much of a loner. That's why he's easily feeling shy.

He prefers to appear mysterious because he needs to maintain his identity a secret, being chased by the government and all, he appears creepy to most others but he doesn't feel scary or creepy at all to MC. Most probably because he helps MC with many hacking perks from the very beginning to help them in finding the suspect. And he also shows how he only trusts MC and is willing to work together with them so MC sees him as a partner not as someone who is scary or creepy at all (despite all the questionable hacked sources ofc). ;) Ofc there are many things about him that are still mysterious to MC and let's hope MC can know more about him. Only to MC especially. :)

He doesn't show his emotion much except when he's with MC so most probably he's an introvert person who will warm up with certain ppl whom he is already familar and feeling close with. Just like how he is with Hannah.

I think Jake is also a curious person. He's curious because MC is like an "X" factor that remains as something unpredictable and surprising to him in so many aspects and layers. He also really appreciates and respect MC. One of the reasons is because he learns many things about MC that he finds endearing to him. For one, he tried to half force MC into the problem He's in and MC has every chance they have to ignore but they choose not to. Next, MC even indirectly, if not directly, defends him from the group and keep his identity and any information about him safe from anyone. MC never blames Jake too much about the problem that comes after. Next, Jake seemed like he never really worked with a partner that he feels close to him before and I mean not physically close but psychologically and he's surprised that he feels that way about MC. (Tbh I didn't expect to fall in love with his character too).

Through these qualities Jake deems MC as a valuable partner he can trust.

He's also a secretly caring and a romantic person. Many times when MC was in trouble he jumped in and helped out without being asked. He also can suddenly type out something or do something that's just simply romantic out of nowhere. That random "Do you like chinese" question and statement about it reminds him of MC. Also how he just blurt out about how his mind can't focus on his task cause his mind always flies back to MC. I find it as romantic, but how he says it in a non flirty and non cringe kind of way... It does tremendous damage to my heart, ack. I find it so charming. (Yes, I'm a sucker for someone who can show that he cares in a non cringey way).

Up to this point, we can assume Jake as someone who can't control his feelings specifically, love. But he seems to be a calm and collected person, usually, maybe unless when it comes to love. :) Remember how he's annoyed because phil called MC for help and he admitted, "Yes. I'm not usually like this."

Accompanying his caring personality is his protective behavior. He protects MC from his pursuers, he created Nymos 💙 He is also so very determined in preventing MC from going to Duskwood at any cost. Also He finds it hard to turn his back on Hannah's case and even if he tried to cut any contact with Hannah, when she asked him for help, he finds it hard to refuse. Does he have hero complex, hmm not really, more like he has the protagonist qualities.

I think he's actually not a brave person inside, that's why he is charmed by how brave MC was pictured in the story. He's afraid of losing someone he loves. But despite not being brave enough, he always tries to act strong and put up a brave front.

When he loves someone he seems to be the type that is gonna go all out or nothing. I give it my all or I don't go at all. :)

I also imagine him as the type who won't easily fall in love. He fell for MC under very exceptional case which makes his love feel exceptional and rare. Maybe he secretly believes in destiny and that he will meet the one for him.

He's also loyal and ofc as we all know, extremely smart. He's mostly rational and not emotional except for some cases that involve people who are important to him.

He's not selfish. He honestly doesn't want to drag people to his mess that's why he pushed away MC at first because he knows it's dangerous to be with him.

I also imagine him as someone who can't be easily impressed by others. (Only when you do very exceptional thing that would impress him, ofc MC always impresses him, but hey Thomas did impress him too, once, if I'm not mistaken).

He's awkward with crowds. He often doesn't know the right words to say so he keeps it short and straightforward. He claimed to be able to handle bad guys and bad situations better ;)

He is honest except for things he needs to keep secret because he thinks it's to protect someone or keeping someone safe. So he does keep secrets but all the things he ever said is honest and the truth. Because everytime MC said "you're keeping something from me aren't you?" He never denies it. So he's not a liar.

He's pretty nerdy too :) why, because he rarely says anything except for the case they're working on or when he's explaining stuff that he's found and he's interested in (flashbacks to when he talks about the history of ironsplinter mine in long lines to MC, lol.)

He's very observant. Maybe part of the perks for being very smart and having a curious mind.

He's not good at reading people but he can take hints and not completely clueless.

He's stubborn alright. He needs some convincings if you want him to do otherwise. And there will be no discussion if it's a matter of MC's safety.

Yes, you read it right, Jake is NOW OFFLINE. :)

He also has a cute quirk, unique, and special talent for understatements. :D when we told him he was surrounded by his pursuers he just said "This is not good."

I find how he's always typing his words in a formal/serious sentence and ending them with a period as something that is not awkward at all. It's charming and hot. :) And his smileys, and his 'haha.' And 'hehe.' Aaaaa..

So yes, he is a cool, charming, closet romantic introvert kind of person with all those qualities I have mentioned above which make him this complete personality, the Duskwood Hacker Jake that we all come to love. 💙

[burningvelvet]

Mary Shelley’s Lake Geneva diary from August 2nd, 1816…

“Friday, August 2. — I go to the town with Shelley, to buy a telescope for his birthday present. In the evening Lord Byron and he go out in the boat, and, after their return, Shelley and Clare go up to Diodati; I do not, for Lord Byron did not seem to wish it. Shelley returns with a letter from Longdill, which requires his return to England. This puts us in bad spirits. I read Rêveries and Adèle et Théodore de Madame de Genlis, and Shelley reads Pliny’s Letters.”

This was the day that Percy, Claire, and Byron discussed Claire’s pregnancy and what they were going to do about custody rights. Shelley had already known about Claire’s pregnancy for at least a month and was most likely the first to know, since after he and Byron almost drowned on June 25th he had secretly written a will that left sums to Claire and any person of her choice — her name being near the top of the list along with Mary, his wife Harriet, and all his children. Considering that Byron later believed the Hoppner Scandal (unconfirmed rumours that Claire had a secret child with Percy which was given for adoption or aborted) — and that historians believe Claire and Shelley were probably sexually involved at various periods — some people believe that the paternity of the child was called into question. Claire’s identity as the child’s mother would be hidden from the public to protect her reputation, and Byron and Shelley both accepted responsibility for the child (though Shelley was arguably more attached), although everyone agreed that the child (Allegra) looked and acted like Byron, and was therefore his.

Byron in a letter to his sister about Claire and the rumours surrounding his time at Geneva:

“. . . as to all these ‘mistresses’ — Lord help me — I have had but one. Now don't scold — but what could I do? A foolish girl, in spite of all I could say or do, would come after me, or rather went before, for I found her here, and I have had all the plague possible to persuade her to go back again, but at last she went. Now, dearest, I do most truly tell thee that I could not help this, that I did all I could to prevent it, and have at last put an end to it. I was not in love nor have any love left for any, but I could not exactly play the Stoic with a woman who had scrambled eight hundred miles to un-philosophize me, besides I had been regaled of late with so many ‘two courses and a dessert’ (Alas!) of aversion, that I was fain to take a little love (if pressed particularly) by way of novelty. And now you know all that I know of the matter, & it's over.”

A decade later, Claire Clairmont wrote to Jane Williams:

“What would I not give to have an unhappy passion, for then one has full permission and a perfect excuse to fall into a happy one; one has something to expect, but a happy passion, like death, has finis written in such large characters in its face there is no hoping for any possibility of a change. You will allow me to talk upon this subject, for I am unhappily the victim of a happy passion. I had one; like all things perfect in its kind, it was fleeting, and mine only lasted ten minutes, but these ten minutes have discomposed the rest of my life.

The passion, God knows for what cause, from no faults of mine, however, disappeared, leaving no trace whatever behind it except my heart wasted and ruined as if it had been scorched by a thousand lightnings.“

Sadly, Allegra Byron died at the age of five due to a sudden outbreak of typhus in Romagna where Byron had enrolled her in a private convent school. This was a betrayal to Claire, as they had promised each other that Allegra should never be apart from one of her parents, due to Claire’s prediction that something terrible would happen if so. However, Byron argued that having a good Italian-Catholic education would give Allegra higher marriage prospects in Italy than any education she could have in England, partly due to her illegitimacy and partly due to the tarnished reputations of the Byron/Shelley/Godwin households, among other reasons. Claire blamed Byron for Allegra’s death, and she felt that while Shelley sympathized more with her, Mary sympathized more with Byron. Three months later, Shelley followed Allegra to the grave, and the already fragmented social circle would further break apart.

[saccharine-dean]

I've been having ATSV brainrot (particularly Gwen-centric) as of late so hear me out: Spider-Man x SPN

16-year old, junior-in-high-school sam winchester as spider-man.

his mother died when he was a baby, and his father only very recently. he lives alone with dean, who got custody of him after their father's death. even though this only happened a couple years ago, really, dean has been raising sam all their lives.

sam likes home fine enough. dean isn't too bad as a parent for a 20-year old- he has a job at the local garage, makes sure sam is fed, and for the most part he doesn't act like dad.

it's just that he can be a bit overprotective. sam gets it, but it's frustrating.. and it's the reason he refuses to tell dean about his secret identity. but it's okay- dean, for his part, is ironically a pretty big fan of spider-man. sam knows he tries to hide it, but it's obvious- dean thinks the mystery vigilante in their city is cool.

that is, until one day:

sam is way, way in over his head with this one. unaware of the existence of the multiverse (though he has theories) and being the only superhero in his town, he has nobody to call for backup. the villain nearly lands a fatal blow on him way too many times for comfort, and he's losing stamina fast. a crowd of people has gathered to watch, all cheering him on from the sidelines.

enter castiel: dean's boyfriend of 2 years, a really stand up guy. he's a little awkward and sometimes he can be just as protective as dean is, but for what it's worth, sam loves him like a brother. it's just... he's also approaching the street where the fight is taking place. blissfully unaware, he holds a bouquet of flowers in his hands, walking the last couple blocks to surprise dean at work.

it all happens so fast: one minute sam is dodging another shot from the villain, the next the projectile is ricocheting off of a metal awning, and BAM- it hits castiel in the chest, and time seems to freeze.

sam screams.

he doesn't notice much of anybody else after that- the villain retreats once sam is crumpled on the ground next to castiel, or at least he thinks so. sirens blare all around him, ten times louder than they were before, and sam can't help himself from putting his head to castiel's chest and sobbing.

and then he hears the one voice he dreads the most at this moment:

"Cas?"

sam looks up, deer in the headlights, and sees his brother in what may very well be the worst shock of his life.

"No. No, Cas, no-"

dean shoves him out of the way and lifts castiel up in his arms, and as he's frantically swearing and checking for a pulse, sam does the only thing he can think of to do, and he disappears.

even though dean comes home past 3:00 that night, sam is still up, sobbing into his pillow. assuming he heard the news from the TV, dean wraps him in a fierce hug and mumbles comfort into his shoulder through his own tears, promising to sam that he'll catch the son of a bitch who let castiel die.

it's been maybe four months since then, and sam doesn't know how much more he can take of this.

dean's animosity towards spider-man is now one of the most transparent things about him. sam knows he shouldn't take it to heart, shouldn't believe that dean would think these things about him if he knew, but hell if he isn't tired of being called a monster, a coward, a freak.

there's another large scale fight downtown that nearly goes awry, but there's these new people that appeared from some kind of portal and for once he has *help,* some actual allies to save the day with him, and suddenly he feels much lighter, much easier. sam manages to save them at the last minute, and as he's standing there catching his breath he hears his brother's voice break the cold air:

"Found you, you eight-eyed bastard."

sam had been telling dean as himself for weeks not to stake out every crime scene in new york, that he could get himself hurt or worse, and every time dean gave the same answer- "so?"

and so now, standing there shaking from the adrenaline and the wind and the blood, it's not that sam is surprised necessarily- it's just... god, he is so, so, tired.

"Please," Sam begs him when he turns and sees the gun pointed at his head. "I- Whatever you think I did-"

"You're the reason the love of my life is dead," Dean hisses, and even after all this time, it still makes Sam freeze. "How about that, you son of a bitch?"

"It wasn't me!" Sam shouts, and his voice breaks at the inclination. "It was a mistake. I didn't... I didn't kill Castiel."

Dean freezes.

"What did you just say?"

and so four months after castiel's death, eighteen months after he became spider-man, sam finally does it- he reaches up and pulls off his mask.

it's done.

"Sam?"

dean's voice is broken beyond repair, and sam is sure he looks the same way.

"I didn't do it," he whispers.

but dean doesn't respond. he just stands, gun still raised and shaking between his fingers as he stares at sam with the look of utmost betrayal.

sam feels a phantom tap on his shoulder, looks up and sees the woman from earlier. he thinks he heard the older man call her missouri?

she raises an eyebrow and nods to the newly opened portal, and sam's eyes widen as he realizes she wants him to go with them.

he spares a glance back at dean, who immediately notices his thought process and makes to run at them, but the woman stops him in his tracks with some kind of trap. dean is screaming sam's name and banging against the barrier, yelling that he better not leave, or... well, who knows. sam doesn't hear it. all his focus is oriented on the glowing web of orange and red and green in front of him, offering a new beginning, a better life.

castiel once told him that growing up is hard- you're thrust into the world without any knowledge of who you are or what you're supposed to be, and that feeling of being utterly lost can be challenging, but not to worry- everybody finds their place eventually. deep down in the gaps between the turmoil pooling in his gut, sam thinks that maybe, just maybe, this might be it.

he turns his back to dean and jumps.