#as a man who does violence to random others because he’s in the violence job and it’s a genre show

[boysnberriespie]

Whatever else you wanna say about Izzy’s death I find it so heinous to say shit like, “He didn’t blame him because it was his fault, he provoked him” girl Ed is not a wild dog. He’s a human being. If I provoked my roommate by telling him he’s a shit roommate who I hate and wish was dead, he’s not allowed to even hit me, let alone chop off 3 of my toes and shoot me in the leg and whatever else is implied by All That (which for my own sanity I have to ignore or else it gets worse 😩)

[sunderwight]

contemplating an SVSSS fic where Airplane transmigrates into Tianlang Jun instead of Shang Qinghua.

he wakes up before Tianlang Jun was about to walk into the HH Palace Master's plot, but too late to really do much about Su Xiyan's situation or the frame job. of course, being Airplane, he doesn't go face down the sects and get sealed under a mountain. but he also doesn't know what to do about the whole situation with Luo Binghe.

he was too vague in his outline and especially in his actual story. finding Xiyan or possibly some random washer woman who lives along the Luo river is a needle in a haystack situation, and he didn't ask for any of this to happen to him, so he just ends up leaving it alone. Tianlang Jun goes back to the demon realms with his confused (but relieved) nephew, and works on consolidating his power there and on thwarting the attempted incursions of Huan Hua Palace.

HHP has egg on their face because they riled up the other sects and got them into this alliance/ambush plot and then the heavenly demon they were supposed to fight didn't even show up. hasn't even been seen in the human world since. while HHP tries to spin it as them being so strong and formidable that they scared him off, the other sects feel like they're just blowing hot air and trying to take credit for something that never even happened. was that head disciple of theirs even involved with a demon at all? suspicious how she just disappeared, too. maybe it's a cover-up. no one's particularly impressed or convinced after the fact that HHP's claims are on the level.

which at least means that there's no concerted effort to wage a war or anything. Tianlang Jun meets a young Mobei Jun and Airplane decides to expend a lot of time and energy in helping the young prince consolidate his own power, so that's a whole thing. there's no system so Airplane's not obliged to preserve the plot, but he still knows it's out there and he's gotta skirt the line between giving MBJ absolute power on a silver platter and not setting MBJ up to be killed by the protagonist one day.

there are benefits and problems to TLJ mostly leaving Luo Binghe's whole journey untouched. on the one hand, he anticipates that everything around Luo Binghe will continue just like in the novel, so that's easy to predict. but on the other hand, that means he's in for some trouble when the blackened protagonist emerges all super-powered and unbeatable from the abyss and starts taking revenge on everyone who wronged him (a category which potentially includes the deadbeat dad who abandoned him for years).

so as the time of the immortal alliance conference approaches, Tianlang Jun starts to think that he needs to get ahead of this.

the most logical solution is to prevent Luo Binghe becoming quite as OP of a protagonist as he'd been the first time. since TLJ is plenty powerful himself (one of the things Airplane enjoys! as well as being very rich!) LBH really does need every edge he could possibly get to be a threat to him. so, why let him gain those edges?

this leads to TLJ's brilliant plan: just don't let Luo Binghe get thrown into the Endless Abyss! no blackening, no all-powerful weapon, no gauntlet of monsters to hone his skills, just a run-of-the-mill heavenly demon hybrid who could never in a million years take his old man in a fight!

TLJ decides he can two-birds-with-one-stone this situation by capturing Shen Qingqiu. then, one day if LBH does still make it to his doorstep, he can present him with his hated scum villain as a peace offering. like well son I know I abandoned you to suffer on your own, but plausibly I didn't even know you existed, so here, have your abuser to dismember in cathartic violence as you please! become a filial son and this old man will help fund whatever massive harems you want to build!

genius!

so, shortly before the immortal alliance conference is set to take place, TLJ goes and steals himself a peak lord.

Shen Qingqiu is... kind of different from what he expected? but oh well, it's been years since he wrote the novel and lots of characters have turned out somewhat different in person from how they were on the page, and the guy was always a mess of contradictions anyway. TLJ hands him over to his servants with strict instructions to keep him locked up, but not to harm or kill him (revenge is reserved for the protagonist, after all!)

Zhuzhi Lang, who witnessed the last debacle where his uncle took a sudden keen interest in a cold but beautiful human cultivator, makes entirely the wrong assumption (as do a lot of the palace staff) and figures that TLJ has just become more pragmatic about pursuing his lovers. Shen Qingqiu is given appropriate chambers (and restrictions) and word soon spreads that the Demon Emperor has captured a human cultivator to serve as his concubine.

so, this version of SQQ has actually been Shen Yuan since Luo Binghe joined the sect (and also doesn't have a system and thus had zero plans of throwing LBH into the abyss), and he is desperately trying to figure out what kind of changes he has unwittingly invoked here that Luo Binghe's father should be still alive, and free, and also kidnapping him to be his goddamn concubine?! that has to be a misunderstanding, right?!

Mobei Jun is mad. and jealous. and mad. but a concubine isn't an empress, so that job posting is still available, right? it better be, he has been waiting more than a decade for the official proposal!

TLJ meanwhile decides he's going to go secretly watch the immortal alliance conference just to make sure that the universe doesn't contrive to drop LBH into the abyss anyway, but weirdly enough, Luo Binghe isn't even there. listening to rumors, he gathers that uh... some stuff has changed? like Luo Binghe is head disciple of Qing Jing Peak? and apparently went crazy when Shen Qingqiu disappeared? except that some people think they might have eloped???

maybe he shouldn't get his rumors from Xian Shu disciples, those girls remind him of rpf conspiracy theory shippers from his old life. they're probably just way off base! hahaha... ha...?

well at least TLJ did a pretty good job of covering his tracks, so there's no reason for anyone to suspect that he captured Shen Qingqiu. or there shouldn't be, until he goes back home to find that every single demon seems to believe that Shen Qingqiu has been taken by him to be his lover. where did anyone even get that idea?! TLJ has been dutifully pining in his unrequited and inappropriate love for the young Mobei Jun for years now! whenever anyone asks he insists he's still mourning Su Xiyan! it's been a whole thing!

but oh shit, truth aside, there's no way those kinds of rumors have remained strictly contained to demon ears. both demons and cultivators have their spies after all, and even if they didn't, news moves along the borders.

sure enough, TLJ barely has time to try and dismantle this misunderstanding before a young Luo Binghe arrives on his doorstep, along with Yue Qingyuan and the very-much-still-alive lord of Bai Zhan peak, for some reason, all of them extremely pissed off at him!

[lalachat]

"And there you were..."

Author's note: Good lord did i have a lot to say in this chapter. I hope my writing is still okay and is cohesive enough... I feel like i am missing small points i made in other chapters, but as Hannah Montana once said, nobody's perfect! I'm doing my best with what has been going on in my life. I recently had to drop one of my college classes because it was getting to the point of me not being able to pass the class. Life tip: don't be a full time college student with 2 part time jobs(technically 3 if my summer job contacts me to come into work on a random weekday) or it'll catch up to you... shit's stressful maine😭 Anyways, like always enjoy the chapter!!! She's a biggen💅🏻

Summary: After being slut shamed for something you and Lucien did in the past, you decide to run straight to his house to let him know of his mate's behavior. Little did you both know that it only would make things worse, but hey, screw it right?! Or so you both thought...

This is for all my Lucien girlies❤️

Warnings: profanity, steamy make-out sesh (you're welcome<3), cock-blocked lol, slight violence

Word Count: ≈ 4,556

Chapter 6: "Hold your tits!"

And there you were in his house again but this time looking like you were going to scorch Prythian. You didn’t even have the energy to respond to his witty remarks. “Something really bad must have happened,” he thought. As he looked over you for any signs of injury, he couldn’t help but think about Elain.

Elain had lost control of her emotions and sent them full blaring at him, and yet you’re in his living room looking just as pissed off during the time of Elain’s relay. Then the realization hit him that something must have happened between you two. Would his bond with Elain cause him to take her side or would his close relationship with you rule over all? He was going to have to tread very lightly in the conversation that was about to come to light.  

“You want to know who pissed in my wine? Your mate Lucien, that’s who! And mine, but mainly your mate!” You say with a bitter tone as you cross your arms and legs to lean against the wall. 

“I see, guess I have been too much of a ladies' man if I have both of you this hot headed over me.” He smirked at you still trying to break your anger with humor. It didn’t work, it went right over your head. Lucien frowned.  

“How can she stand there and make all these accusations about me being a slut for fucking you without hearing the explanation of it being before y’alls bond?! SHE IS RIDICULOUS!” you exclaim. 

“She called you what? Are we talking about the same Elain right now?” Lucien stood there in shock. 

“She called me a slut Lucien! Said that me having sex with you is the reason I have no mate, not realizing that she is the reason I don’t have one! She keeps him from me! Hell, I tried so hard to open the bond with Az in our argument, but I am still met with nothing but a big fat wall of nothing!” You slumped down.

“Let me set one thing straight y/n! Whatever she tried to pin against you is not true!” he grabs both of your hands reassuringly. “Azriel will hopefully come around one day, I am sorry it hasn’t happened yet...” he kisses the tops of your hands. However, little does he know that you are slowly losing faith in your bond ever being complete.

Lucien then looks up at you confused. “Wait how did she even find out about our previous sexual relationship?” Lucien asked. 

“I let it slip to Mor at Rita’s and then Mor let it slip to the girls during girls' night, and then everyone asked about the rumor...” you admitted. 

“Huh, I see.” He started rubbing his temples trying to ease his distress. His mate knows about you two, she just doesn’t know it was before they even met. Is this knowledge going to change his chances with Elain? A moment of silence passes between you, before Lucien’s face lights up.  

“And what did you say about the rumor?” he smirked at you mischievously. He knew the rumor, he just wanted to hear you say it. 

“Lucien why does what I said matter?” 

“Because y/n, I want to know if you think I fuck with the fire in my veins?” His hands slowly trace up the sides of your arms. “Did I fuck you good enough for you to confirm that rumor?” He left an open-mouth kiss on your neck. “Or do I need to remind you?” He places another kiss onto your neck only firmer. 

“Lu-” you sighed at the feeling of his lips on your neck, “Lucien what are you doing? You shouldn't be doing this right now....” He wasn’t listening to you as he sucked on the sweet part of your neck as you exposed more of your neck to him.  

“Y/n you are telling me two different things right now. Your mouth says to stop but your body wants me to keep going, so which one is it doll?” He looked at you with hooded eyes, hands resting on your covered thighs after tracing your arms. 

“Why does that information matter right now Lucien? You need to stop this.” You look at him with desire, completely contradicting your statement.   

“Because y/n, they're upset at our previous relations a long time ago. I say fuck it and truly give them something to be upset about now.” 

You both looked at each other. Tension was slowly building up between you two with every second of silence. Tension that has been building since the moment you two saw each other at Rita’s. Tension that has built up from all these years without each other. Tensions that were begging to be cut, begging to be relieved. Both of you were going through all the consequences that this could put you both in, but consequences be damned, this was worth it.  

Neither of you had bothered hiding your growing scents of arousal. Your face was mere inches away from his. You could feel his hot breath against your face, and he stared down at you with desire, hands still resting on your thighs. You looked up at him and thought he was worth the risk. Whatever karma this would cause, bring it on, because his hands against your thighs was clouding all rationality in your head. 

“Ah fuck it!” you say. 

In an instant your lips were on Lucien’s in a searing hot needy kiss. His hands gripping at your thighs as your mouths fought for dominance. Your hands finding a home in Lucien’s hair and started pulling slightly, earning you a low groan. Your thighs clenched together which Lucien felt. He chuckled and decided to focus his heat on his hands, heating them up against your thighs. Your mouth broke away from his from the desirable feeling, “shit-” 

“You like my hot hands all over you, hm?”  

“Gods yes!” as you place your hands on top of his and teasingly guide them up your hips, to your waist, and stopping them just under your chest. His hands growing hotter from his desire on your sudden placement as both of your eyes locked and darkened.

“Such a fucking slut for my heat,” he said as his hands grew a mind of their own and started exploring every inch your breasts. His eyes followed every movement they made. You decided to remove your fingers from his hair and delicately trace them down his clothed back making him tremble slightly. This made you smirk. He is just as much of a slut for your touch as you were for his.  

His lips were back on yours with pure dominance, making your desire grow even more as his hands never left your chest. You moaned into his mouth as you decided to be bold and reach under his shirt to scratch his bare back. His muscles tensed at every touch knowing they would leave marks. His musk grew at the thought.

Your mouths are moving more in sync than you have ever felt before. It was like both of you knew what each other was going to do next, but what you both did not know was the sudden loud knock on his front door. You both groaned in annoyance.  

“Are you fucking kidding me?! This better be good!” Lucien said in frustration as he removed his swollen lips from yours. He looked at you for a second, his gaze softened as he placed a sweet kiss back on your lips saying, “this isn’t over.”  

He smirked and turned towards his door fixing his hair, clothes, and evident boner on the way. You giggled as you hid from the door’s gaze fixing your own appearance. The knock was heard again but this time more boisterous as if whoever was behind it was losing patience.  

“Good lord, get a hold of your tits! I am coming!” As he opened the door you heard Lucien gasp. “Shadowsinger, to what do I owe the pleasure?” He bowed jokingly. 

“Where is she?” Azriel asked in annoyance. 

“Where is who exactly?” Lucien asked dumbfounded as he rose from his bow.  

“Oh, don’t play dumb with me Lucien, you know who I am talking about. Now... Where. Is. She?!” Lucien stiffened; he was asking for you. He was not about to give you away to him after you and Elain’s argument, because he knew Azriel would take you back to the Townhouse. You and Elain needed time to cool off, he was not about to let you get called anymore names tonight.  

“She’s not here.” Lucien said protectively as he slightly closed the door stopping his gaze from searching inside. Azriel picking up on it. 

“That is fucking bullshit! I know she is here. Step aside Lucien or I’ll-” 

“Or you will what Azriel? You and I both know I am not scared of you!” Lucien growled. Azriel chuckled. 

“I knew you would protect your little play th-" Lucien’s nostrils flared as he took in a sharp inhale at Azriel’s intended vocabulary. 

“Careful how you finish that sentence Azriel.” Lucien threatened.  

“What? I smell her all over you! Protecting her is pathetic when you have your mate, Lucien!” Azriel crossed his arms across his chest aloof to the fact Lucien was about to snap.  

In a second Lucien's hand balled into a fist and decked Azriel straight in the nose. You heard the contact from where you were standing in Lucien’s living room.  

“AH! YOU FUCKING DICK!” Azriel screamed as he grabbed his nose to try and ease the pain.  

“Say something like that again Az, I fucking dare you.” Lucien snarled.  

Gods Lucien protecting you was hot, but no matter how hot he might be, your bond was overbearing you. You ran to the door, past Lucien, and straight to Azriel. You looked him over and gods was his nose a mess. Lucien had got him good. You looked back at Lucien who looked like he was about to light on fire. You glared at him for getting physical.  

“He fucking deserved it...” Lucien said as he looked at you shaking his hand off from the impact.  

You were now standing in between the two most loved males in your life right now, unsure on what to do. Do you give into the need to protect your mate, even after everything he has done, or do you give in to the male who has shown you nothing but support even though he has a mate. Not sure what to do, you decide to play both sides and ask a question everyone wanted to know.  

“Azriel why are you even here?” Trying to bury the feeling of wanting to reach out to him to comfort him, you step to stand beside Lucien. Hands slightly brushing against each other, his hands still hot from your previous moment.

“To find you.” He rubbed his nose. “Elain is on a rampage trying to get to you knowing that you had run here to him.” He pointed his head in Lucien’s direction.

So, he came here not for you, but for Elain to try and make her feel better by taking you out of her mate's home.  

“I am not going back there to make that bitch feel better!” You felt Lucien stiffen at your words for Elain.  

“You have to y/n! Look all feelings aside, she won’t calm down. I have tried. Feyre has tried. Nesta has tried, but nothing is working. You need to come back to the townhouse now before shit gets worse!” He looks at you with pleading eyes. Gods he truly cared for Elain, didn’t he? You felt tears prick your eyes. Why couldn’t he care for you this way and not Elain? 

“I am not going back there to get name called again for something that I did before their bond even snapped!” Azriel's gaze softened at your words, not by a lot, but you could see the realization hit him that Elain had gone too far earlier. Lucien finally decided to speak. 

“If y/n returning to the townhouse means Elain calming down, she can go but you must take me with her. I will not stand aside and let y/n bear the burden alone for something we both did.” Wanting his mate to feel better but in a way he knows he can protect you at the same time. Lucien looked towards Az for an answer. 

“I don’t think you coming would be a good idea.” Azriel deadpanned, now seeping back into his usual closed off self.  

“Why? Because you’re scared that maybe the only thing that could potentially help Elain calm down is him? You’re just being jealous that it wasn’t you... set aside your pride for once Azriel and let him come with me,” you said. Azriel thought through your words, and you could tell he wasn’t going to budge. You grabbed Lucien’s hand because what you were about to say was going to hurt you a lot emotionally.  

“Do not think about it for the sake of myself, but for the sake of Elain, Az...” Your tears finally spilled from your eyes as you saw Azriel’s face lighten up at the thought of it potentially helping Elain. Not even sparing a thought that returning there would only make you feel worse. Lucien’s hand tightened around yours as he thought the thought Azriel had failed to see. You smiled up at him as he mouthed, “it will be okay,” as his thumb traced the back of your hand in comfort.  

“Fine. For the sake of Elain, you can both come.” Azriel takes off into the sky as you and Lucien look at each other worried.  

“Y/n, everything will be okay,” he smiled at you. “I won't let anyone else shame you for something we both did in the past. It’s my turn to take on the burden. Don’t let Azriel’s behavior towards Elain stop you from trying to peruse the bond, or you’ll end up like a sorry sucker like me.” He chuckled.  

You laughed at his self-defeating comment as you said, “Thank you, Lu... let’s hope you can calm the raging seer because it was not pretty earlier.” You warned.   

“Yeah, let’s hope for once in her life she actually needs me for something...” He rolled his eyes not believing that this is the moment he is needed for. All this time without her and he's the last option when he should be the first. Gods, Lucien couldn’t help the bubbling anger trying to surface itself that he was her last resort, but his mate needs him! He was not about to ruin this chance for himself, as he grabs your hand and winnows you both to the Townhouse.  

As you reached the front door at the Townhouse you saw Azriel landing beside you and Lucien.  

“Oh, would you look at that,” Lucien looks at his imaginary watch, “just on time shadow singer!” He smirks. 

“I don’t have time for your wit right now Lucien, we have better things to do. Come on.” Azriel said annoyed and walked straight into the house not even bothering to see if you were following him.  

“Guess we need to follow grumpy pants over there,” You teased as Lucien laughed. 

“Y/n I heard that!!” Azriel said over his shoulder only making you and Lucien laugh even louder. You both decided it was best to follow him now that you and Lucien were walking a fine line on Azriel losing his patience.  

You can already hear the arguing as soon as you both catch up to Azriel. Lucien has suddenly gone cold as he hears his mate’s voice for the first time in a while. You heard his heartbeat quicken, from nerves or from longing you couldn’t tell. 

“Lucien if you don’t get ahold of yourself, she is going to walk all over you! Deep breaths, I will be with you the entire time,” you smile at him.  

“What if she sees me and kicks me out? What if my presence makes it worse?” Lucien was starting to panic, all he wanted was to see her and protect you from any more name calling, but this situation was just too stressful for him. Everything was relying on him calming down Elain! How can he do that when he has practically been shunned out of her life. You looked at him, clearly reading his thoughts. 

“Lucien look at me,” his gaze is hazy as he glances towards you, “you are her mate! If anyone can get through to her it’s you! Not Azriel! YOU! Do not doubt your ability as her mate for a second!” You smiled at him, and you squeezed his hand gently.  

“What would a male like me do without you?” He laughed as he squeezed your hand back. 

“I don’t know, probably be a really lonely sorry sucker,” you shrugged your shoulders as you teased him. You have known Lucien for so long that you have picked up the best way to calm him is banter. He chuckled and kept your hand in his as he finished following behind Az.  

Azriel glanced behind him to hear y’all’s exchange after he heard his name. He couldn’t help but see him and Elain in you and Lucien. Did you two like each other? He almost felt jealous, which is weird for him. The last time he felt this way was when you left Rita’s with him. What was going on with him recently?! He was going to have to investigate this for Elain’s sake... or maybe his, so he can stop this unknown and unsettling feeling that has been slowly eating at him.  

“Would you two stop flirting and get a move on? They're in the library which is right around the corner,” Az said annoyed.  

You and Lucien rolled your eyes playfully before you both feared the worst as you reached the entrance to the library. Elain’s rampage is evident as you hear her through the door. 

“Oh, boy here we go again,” you said. 

“Remember what I told you earlier y/n, I won't hesitate to fire back,” Azriel glared. 

Lucien stepped in front of you and threatened, “I won't hesitate to set your balls aflame if you talk to her like that again!” You peered behind Lucien’s back and stuck your middle finger up at Az. He rolled his eyes as he opened the door letting you and Lucien walk in first.  

As you walked in you saw Elain in the center of the room, pacing. Cassian and Nesta took the nearest couch. You saw Feyre and Rhys on the loveseat next to Cassaian and Nesta. Both couples are taking turns trying to ease Elain, but obviously it is not working otherwise you wouldn’t be here. Amren and Mor were sitting by the fireplace drinking from their glasses of wine in annoyance at the situation they had to deal with. Gods, you wish you could join them, they had the right idea... 

“I knew you had run to him! First you fuck him and now you think you can go to him for comfort?! You are not his mate y/n!” Elain’s head snapped in your direction as you both came in. She hadn’t even bothered to acknowledge Lucien. 

“Yeah, I may not be his mate, but you don’t get to call yourself that after all the shit you have been putting him through!” You raised your voice to match hers. “You are nothing but a dead-beat mate who does not deserve someone like Lucien!” 

“Funny, the mother seems to think I do...” Elain snarked back. 

“So then fucking act like it! Stop throwing yourself a pity party and finally realize what the mother gave you!” You point at Lucien. “He. Is. A. Good. Male! What is the issue?” 

“The issue is you have fucked him, touched him, kissed him!” Elain argued back. 

“Mother above Elain, I am not a disease! Grow the fuck up-” you sneered back.  

Everyone in the room could tell this was not going to get any better if they kept letting you two talk. Everyone soon looked towards the two males at the entrance begging for them to do something and step in.

Lucien and Azriel were on top of it as soon as they saw everyone looking at them. Lucien was the one to step in front of you, blocking your view from Elain. His hands gripped your shoulders slightly pushing you back. Azriel was doing the same thing for Elain, only she was more resilient.  

“HOLY SHIT AZ! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?!” Cassian boomed as everyone saw the lingering bruise on Azriel's nose.. 

“You can thank Lucien for that...” Az deadpanned as Lucien smirked. Everyone’s faces almost seemed surprised by the fact that Lucien had gotten physical with Azriel and had no bruise of his own.  

“It wouldn’t have happened if he didn’t insult y/n.” He shrugged.  

“You did that to protect her?!” Elain was screaming in Azriel’s arms. Lucien looked at you with an apologetic look before he turned to face his mate. 

“Elain,” the sound of her name coming from his mouth had her frozen, “talk to me. No more screaming, no more yelling, just tell me your point of view on what’s going on. Okay?” he asked sweetly. Gods the dexterity of this male.  

“She-” Elain had started to cry, “How could you sleep with someone Lucien?! Especially with someone like her when I am your mate?” You tensed, gods she was still on the petty bullshit. 

“Someone like her, is an amazing female, but you wouldn’t know that because you are too blinded by the fact we slept together!” Lucien explained calmly.  

“Is that so wrong of me to think when I come home to the girls wanting to know all the details of the autumn male rumor that she has learned from you?” Her voice was starting to rise as tears flowed down her cheeks. Lucien took a couple steps towards her, but Azriel was still holding her back afraid things would get ugly if he let her go. You were left standing alone.  

“Elain listen to me, I don’t know what you heard but y/n and I’s previous sexual relations were before I even met you...” Lucien said reassuringly. 

“No! You are lying! That can’t be true-” Elain said in disbelief as the wave of guilt hit her as she looked at you for confirmation.  

“You would have known that if you had just let me talk instead of slut shaming me...” you sassed her. Lucien and Azriel glared at you as if saying your sass wasn’t needed right now. You huffed.

Lucien took the last couple of steps towards her and closed the distance between them as he grabbed one of her hands. This was now paining you to watch. Both of the most adored males in your life comforting Elain as you stood by yourself.  

“Elain it is true, y/n and I slept together before our bond was even put in place... If you need, I will put my mental shields down and let Rhys prove it to you!” He rubbed the back of her hand.   

“Hey, don’t drag me into this! I don’t want to see that; I believe him Elain! Please don’t make me do that.” Rhys begged.   

Elain looked at him in sympathy, “I won’t make you do that.”  

“Thank fuck,” Rhys sighed. You giggled at him as you thought to yourself that it would be a good way to show the girls the rumor. As if Rhys heard your thought, he glared at you. His voice was now in your head saying, “Don’t let them know that! I truly don’t want to see that image of you two.” His face grimaced making you giggle again. Feyre glanced at you two and looked at Rhys questioningly. You could tell they were now talking through the bond.  

Elain glanced down at Lucien’s hand caressing hers. “I am sorry to have made you come all this way for something like this... I should have let y/n explain herself. I'm sorry Lucien..” She says embarrassed. Azriel took this as the queue to let her go knowing she was fine now. He was angry that Lucien was able to calm her, part of him wanted him to fail so he could get another chance. He finally stepped away from the two.  

“It is alright Elain; the bond makes us do crazy things sometimes.” He smiled at her, and she actually giggled at him. He wiped away a couple of her tears, and you could see her lean into his touch. Both smiling at each other lovingly.  

Fuck this was too much for you. You saw first-hand how much Lucien cared for Elain and it hurt, maybe he did still have a chance... You and Elain still had to work out the words you two threw at each other in anger, but you couldn’t do that now. Not with the overwhelming feeling of seeing Lucien hopeful again. Maybe you were being dramatic, but you seriously couldn’t look at them anymore. Seeing him hopeful again reminded you that this crush of yours was not right. 

You began to not think straight. Seeking Lucien's attention and teasing him only led him away from wanting to fight for their bond. All for what? Because Az didn’t notice you?! Gods what were you even doing. You were turning into Elain... All of your threats to her were now hypocritical. Just like the wave of guilt hitting Elain earlier, yours had just come crashing down. As you realized you still stood alone, you quietly excused yourself from the room. Everyone looked at each other confused.   

“I should go see what’s wrong with-” Lucien had tried to leave Elain’s grip, but she only squeezed his hand. 

“Don’t go. I need you, Lucien. I finally feel at peace after hours of torment.” Elain pleaded. 

“You do?” Lucien looked down at her, face red as his hair, as she nodded.  

“Please stay with me for a while longer?” she asked nervously. 

“Anything for you,” as he placed a chaste kiss atop her hand.  

However, you were not out of the library yet as you saw their last exchange before you ran down the hall. Tears stained your face as you continued to run to the other side of the house, needing to get as far away as possible. Little did you know someone else needed to escape that situation just as much as you did. He excused himself as he followed you down the hallway, using your urgent departure as an escape for himself to leave the room.  

Lucien couldn’t help but grovel that he had chosen Elain over you as he watched Az chase after you. That should be him doing that but instead he was here with his mate. Maybe this was for the better? Having both of your mates in this situation could be useful he hoped. For now, he was going to try and enjoy all the time Elain was willing to give him before she kicked him back out of her life for Azriel. He will have to apologize for his behavior later, but like he said earlier, the bond can make someone do stupid things. 

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Post author's note: the smut is coming babes! I promise! I'm working on it rn and i'm screaming and kicking my feet at it. Literally foaming at the mouth 😮‍💨🤤

[pensandsneakers]

Most of the time I’m inclined to see Kaz’s ugly violent reputation as just an act he puts on, that reputation being a necessity in the violent society he lives in, but there’s one thing Kaz has done that I can’t really excuse, and it fills me with so much dread every time I think about it.

The most chilling thing that Kaz ever does for me is during the bathroom scene when he says “You want to know what Pekka did to me? How about I tell you what I did when I found the woman who pretended to be his wife, the girl who pretended to be his daughter?” It honestly makes me sick to think about what Kaz did to Saskia. Apparently Leigh Bardugo had originally written an explanation of Saskia’s fate into a draft of the bathroom scene, but Leigh eventually cut it, saying “It was just too much. There’s a reason things get cut.”

Which honestly I understand, because how are we supposed to move forward in Kanej’s relationship if after they’ve shared this intimate moment, Inej learns about the violence Kaz inflicted on an innocent girl?

Saskia was just a girl doing a job she had to do. Maybe she was a talented actress, maybe she had dreams of being a performer someday. Probably her family was connected to the Dime Lions and she had no other choice but to work for Pekka, or she had people who depended on her for the money she could bring in for this job. She was just a pawn in a scheme larger than her, and Kaz, a random man, killed her anyway.

It’s better that we never see the falling out of Inej finding out about what Kaz has done, because if she knew what happened, I’m not sure if Inej would ever be able to forgive him.

[readingadream]

A Twisted High

Pairing: Bang Chan X OC Alexa/Alex

Summary: Alexa's favorite thing is Ice skating and hanging out with friend's. Chris's favorite thing is Hockey and working for the family business. What happens when these two get paired up for a school project and become each others new favorite thing.

Genre: Mafia Au, Hockey Au,

Warning and Tags: Drug use, violence, eventually smut, fluff, angst

Word Count: 1,756

Chapter One

Alexa’s POV

"Alexa. Hurry up or both of us are going to be late," I hear my dad yell from downstairs. Frantically I look at the time on my phone and scream. Oh shit we really are going to be late. I jump out of bed and get my clothes on. I find a random pair of pants and t-shirt and start scanning the room from left to right looking for my backpack, finally spotting what I was looking for under my clothes on the floor. I grab it and run down the stairs, grabbing a piece of toast from my dad and smiling as I ruffle his hair. 

"Sorry, I couldn't find my backpack. Now we're waiting on you. Let's go old man," I say, giving him a teasing smile and making him raise his eyebrow, heading to the car. 

Mornings are the only part of our days were we see each other, with him being a firefighter and all. So it's nice. Always my favorite way to start a day. I could easily drive myself, but then we wouldn't have this time together. Though, sometimes I would enjoy a morning to myself. 

"Do you have practice? Need to know where I'm picking you up tonight. I'll be off early," he asks, starting the car and backing out of the driveway. I look at him confused. Grabbing my extra brush I hid in the car, I start to brush my hair.

"Yes, I do. So I guess that means to pick me up at the Ring. But why are you picking me up?" Usually I just walk or get a ride with Jayde, because dad is usually working. So it's weird that my dad is going to pick me up today. This can't be good.

"So we can go to the station for the job fair, silly," my dad replies, giving me a dorky smile. I give him a fake smile but roll my eyes. I love my dad and appreciate what he does for me and our town, but I just don't want to be in his field of work or anywhere near it… which he just doesn't understand.

"Okay, sounds good. I get done at about 5, is that too late or should I skip practice today?" I say unamused looking out the window. I think about how I will actually have to tell him and break his heart that I wanna go into Event Planning.

"No, that is fine. It's not too late, don't worry. Now have fun at school." Finally we made it to school. I lean over the console and give my dad a kiss on the cheek. Getting out of the car I make my way to the front and wave bye to my dad. 

Walking into the school I head to my locker. Placing my books inside, I hear a bang next to me.

"Why does everyone like Tina? They need to get off her ass, she's a bitch," Chantel whines leaning against the locker next to mine. Laughing, I look across the hall at Tina who is twirling her hair and flirting with the football team.

"I don't know, but why do you care? You have your college boy. It's not like your man is over there with her" I say, turning back to my locker and away from Chantel with furrowed eyebrows, visibly disgusted.

"True, but my cousin is." Glancing back over to Tina who now has her hands in Chris's hair. Chris is the one guy every girl wants but no one can have no matter how hard anyone tries. I used to have the biggest crush on him, but I stopped trying a long time ago, unlike most.

"He doesn't look comfortable, poor guy," I say, which was mostly drowned out by the squeaky swing of my locker door as I closed it. Pulling out my phone, I check my messages and read a reminder from my coach about the hockey team that has practice in our rink, and will be there after our practice. 

"Yeah, yeah, poor Chris. He's the dumbass that went over to her," Chantel snarled. "Anyway, can I go to the ring with you after school? I need a break from the fam and I can like, draw or do homework or something while you skate," Chantel asks, interlocking her arm with mine as we walk to the bathroom.

"Yeah, sure, but you can't really run away from the fam because your cousin and his friends have practice." I pause to focus on putting on my lipstick. "But we can't hangout after practice."

"Oh, Okay. But why not after?" She looks at me with curious eyes. 

"Job fair at the station, so my dad is picking me up. I mean, we can hangout and you can come with us. Oh! That’s actually a great idea," I say with a wink and nudge her, making her giggle, secretly hoping she would want to and come save me.

"So I'm guessing you haven't talked to the old man about the apprenticeship? Or about RDSF? Or, I don't know, your real dreams?!" Chantel says giving a disappointed look, ignoring my question. But how do you tell your parents that you don't want to be like them and that you don't want to help people the way they do?

"How can I? He was so excited and happy about it, but I'll tell him after, don't worry. Who knows, it might even be fun. I could meet my future husband," I laugh finishing up a light layer of eyeshadow on my face. When I finish, I top it off with a wing liner and then some chapstick. Chantel and I head out to go to our classes which sadly, we do not share together. But I do share it with Chris and my other friend Kinsley.

"Well at least you have classes and practice so you don't have to think about it for a while." As we make our way down the hallway passing by some students, most waving at Chantel. Now, I'm not popular, but I do a lot of clubs and interview a lot of students because I’m in the yearbook. So I know everyone, I’m just not close with them, only Chantel and Kinsley. Chantel, though, is friends with everyone. We've been best friends since elementary. It's crazy to think that if we didn't meet then we probably wouldn't be friends now.

"I guess you're right," I nod in agreement. But then I started to worry about the job fair. 

"Always remember that." Both of us giggle and are about to part ways to our first period. We see Chris make his way over alone for once, he's usually with his crew of hockey boys or some girl.

"Hey cuz, Alex," he smiles and nods at me with that beautiful smile as he walks into the classroom.

"Enjoy class with my annoying cousin. See you at lunch unless you have it with Kinsley today." Waving goodbye, I walk into class and take my seat. I love science and it’s my best subject so having it in the morning is pretty nice and makes getting up easier sometimes. 

"Hello class, we will be discussing an upcoming group project. Before you get all excited, I have already chosen the pairs." Great, I never get someone I know or would like to work with. After Mrs. Ferguson named some students, I then heard my name. I look up waiting to see who I will be paired up with. To my surprise, I hear Chris's name right after mine being called. I look over to him already staring at me giving me a smile and an eyebrow raise. I just shake my head waiting for more instructions from the teacher.

“Okay, there are all your groups. Now, onto the whole project. You and your partner will find and collect 50 flowers each. I want you to write every detail about the flower, the animals around, and how fast it grows. Then you guys will have to present it to me and I’ll press them and put them in a journal.” Mrs Furgeson finishes off the last instructions to the assignment.  As I write down the notes for the assignment, I hear a hiss and turn around to see Chris. 

“So I guess we got to do this together. Can’t wait. I’ll get your information at the rink tonight.” I just nod my head and go back to writing my notes. But I hear a scoff coming from Tina next to me in front of Chris. I just wink at her and go back to my notes. The project seems to be easy, which is nice.

When the bell rings, I grab my bag and make my way to the door being the first one out. I didn't want to deal with Tina and her jealousy. I then head to my second period class. Before I make my way to Kinsley at our normal meeting spot, I feel a sharp pointed tap on my shoulder. I turn around to be greeted by the fakest smile.

 "Alexa, I love your shirt today. It's so cute. Did you do something with your hair?” I hold in a laugh as I can see in Tina’s eyes that she is in pain talking to me right now. I roll my eyes, turning back around knowing that she'd throw a fit that I wasn't bothering to give her any more time out of my day… which I was correct, she did get upset. I felt her pull me back and sadly was facing her again. “Don't turn your back on me when I asked you a question, that's rude.”

I faked a smile, shrugging my shoulders as I looked her dead in the eyes. “And touching me without permission isn't? If I wanted to speak to you more, then I would. Though I don't want to. Why would I waste my time when I have class to get to?” The look on her face told me everything. Tina was pissed that I spoke back, that I wasn't giving in to her fakeness.

Watching Tina turn away and storm off made me snicker as I turned to go meet Kinsley at our spot before class, but now we wouldn't have much time left since the wicked witch of the west wanted to try and be nice and waste the time I did have. All because she was jealous of me, I'm sure.

Series Masterlist

Next Chapter

[gachagon]

The Arcane fandom seems to be struggling with whether or not any of the characters are good people and to put it simply: No, most of them are probably not good people.

But I like introducing others to league of legends lore so here's more characters from league that have complex morals in their backstories. When Fortiche begins work on the next show I have no doubt in my mind that there will be even more endless debates and name calling ensuing since League of Legends has a shocking amount of "problematic faves" in its roster.

1. Garen Crowngaurd

He looks like a generic white man in armor with a big sword. When I saw those debates about whether or not Jayce was a good guy or not for shooting and killing Viktor, I kind of already knew that this fandom is definitely not going to be able to handle mr. "I need to be constantly stressed and worried about my life in order to function" over here.

Garen's issue is that he's a loyal knight for a nation that is very, VERY racist against mages and people who use magic in general. And his sister is a mage. He has always known this deep down, but has been suppressing the knowledge of it because the stress of worrying about it keeps him going anyways (weird guy, i know) and even though he KNOWS he's imprisoning people just like his sister, he is too loyal to Demacia (the kingdom they're from) to stop his servitude. So he is a "good guy" who hunts mages to either imprison them or kill them (if they "resist" too much), and he knows his sister is a mage but doesn't want to quit his whole knight job. (it's more complex than that but you could read more here on the website)

2. Sylas

If we ever get a Demacia series that's animated, I already know that everyone and their mom will just make thirst edits of this man and his "inspirational" quotes about revolution and stuff. Meanwhile, they'll excuse all his abhorrent behavior, crimes, and abuse because he's fighting back against an oppressive regime so he must still be a good person despite all of that! (he is not)

Sylas is a mage who was imprisoned in Demacia and has been kept in prison for a long time after he was wrongfully accused of killing someone with his magic. Ever since, he's been in prison plotting for a way to get out. He does escape, hence the name "The Unshackled".

While Sylas' motivations are pure in that he wants to live in a Demacia where mages aren't persecuted against for just having magic...he kind of has a very violent way of going about it where he not only imparts violence on random non-mage civilians, but also forces other mages to do violence as well. He's cool and I do like Sylas, and his story is a complicated tale about revolution and particularly about the use of violence to free yourself, but is he a "good" person? Eh....its up to interpretation in my book (he's probably not a good person lol)

When I saw people debating on whether or not Caitlyn was a "fascist" or if Viktor was a "Eugenicist" I couldn't help but think the Arcane fandom wouldn't be able to really handle a "true" revolutionary like Sylas who just wants freedom by any means necessary and the moral implications of that in his story.

Sylas not only has a short story and bio that you can read here but there's also a really good game that Riot made called The Mageseeker where you can play as him and meet the other Demacia characters.

3. Sejuani

Sejuani is the "Warmother" of a clan of viking(?) people named the Winter's Claw. She's also my favorite Freljord character because I find her way of surviving in the Freljord interesting. Sejuani's issue or moral quandry is that she is whole heartedly all for raiding and pillaging other villages and small settlements to survive the harsh winters of the Freljord, and doesn't see anything really wrong with killing people who are weaker than her if it means the people closest to her can survive.

Despite all of this, you still get the sense that she's not a "terrible" person because she still cares about all of the men, women, and children in the Winter's Claw (it's just fuck everyone else in her book lol) Sejuani used to have a "sister" (they weren't really blood related but they still have a somewhat sisterly bond anyways?) who is most definitely the reincarnation of a dead Freljord Goddess/Queen (long story)

Anyways, her and her sister had a falling out because they couldn't agree on the way to get resources for everyone in their clans. Ashe wanted to start agriculture and farm life in the Freljord, where as Sejuani thinks just taking shit from other people is the fastest and surest way. Sejuani is interesting to me because her view on violence is one that's pretty straightforward but not set in disdain towards the other people she pillages. Like, she doesn't do all of this stuff because she hates people, she's doing it because she truly views violence as the only way to get what you need, and as long as she's doing it for a good cause, which is to clothe and feed the many people of the Winter's claw, than there's nothing to really worry about.

If you were one of those people who were really wondering if "hm maybe Ambessa had a point...?" then you're in luck because you'd probably really like Sejuani too T_T You can read more about her here.

4. Viego

If there was a contest for THE problematic king of League of Legends it'd be Viego. He looks cool and is most definitely a villain but a lot of fans can't really seem to wrap their heads around it. Viego's story is that he was a king of a really cool nation, and he fell in love with a Seamstress named Isolde. Cut to a few months later, and she died (rip) and this made Viego SO upset and heartbroken that he quite literally used dark magic to bring her back, but it caused something called The Ruination.

He wanted to bring Isolde back to life, but the process of doing that means he quite literally is bringing about the end of Runeterra completely. His kingdom fell first and became the Shadow Isles, which is this desolate wasteland where anyone who goes there just dies or has their soul ripped from their body forever (spooky).

If people can excuse Viktor turning everyone into statues forever and destroying the entire world with rune magic, then I don't see why THIS guy can't be forgiven. Plus he's doing it for "true" love :3 (i can't stand him lol)

If you want to read about him there's actually an entire book series about the Ruination that you can read. And you can see more about Viego and his Harrowing in the game "The Ruined King" or you can just read his bio and short story on the website.

[feralrabidcrow]

What do you think the mercs hobbies were, past and present?

Scout loves drawing, as inspired by Expiration Date. He's really good at it, like crazy good, but he usually uses his talents for chaos, such as drawing Spy having sexual congress with the Eiffel tower. He also collects baseball cards, and sings Tom Jones to himself when he's alone in his room, but everyone knows because of how loud he sings. He sings into his baseball bat like it's a microphone, most passionate ballad of 'Sex Bom' you will ever hear.

Soldier is devoted to creating an army of raccoons, no matter how much the raccoons bite and scratch him. If you can consider that a hobby. Can you count snapping Scout's puny neck as a hobby? Is violence in general a hobby? He takes great joy in trying to 'shape up' the other mercenaries, through wake up calls, making them eat nasty MREs, yelling at them to train harder, and running the base like it's boot camp. I don't think this man has picked up a relaxing pastime in his entire life.

Pyro loves collecting things, anything really. Stickers, candy, rubber ducks, if it fits in their pocket, they'll hoard it somewhere only to bestow it to someone randomly (at least it can seem random) as a gift. Obviously they have a hobby for starting fires, but their less destructive hobbies include tea parties, scrapbooking, cake decorating, and hanging out with Engie in the workshop just to pass time.

Demo loves gathering the mercs around and telling them ghost stories. If there's a thunderstorm, and the lights go out, he's grabbing the candles and the spookiest voice he can muster. While the man loves his scrumpy, in the past before he just stuck to the good ol reliable stuff, Demo dabbled in the art of mixology, crafting up the most bizarre yet delicious drinks you could think of, but they certainly could pack a punch! He hasn't entirely lost the skill, but most of the time he's too drunk to work a bar with the finesse he once could. There would be a lot of glass shattering.

Heavy is a big time reader. Whenever he has the time to spare, he's pulling out a thick book that no one can identify and digging in. However, he has a remarkable ability that I lack; the ability to remain aware of his surroundings while buried in a book. No matter how invested he is in the literature he's currently consuming, if you call for him he'll drop it and come help. He enjoys spending time with Medic's doves; after their beloved doctor, he's their second favourite person. He also enjoys cooking, something he learned from his mother a great many years ago.

Engineer obviously spends a lot of his free time in the workshop tinkering about, but he also loves to spend time just hanging out with the mercs, who he all considers friends, that Friendly Engie! Whether it's a barbecue, a game of poker, karaoke night, whatever shenanigans the mercs are doing to pass the time between matches, Engie is right there in the center of it, enjoying all the bonding time with his teammates that they can get. He's a major extrovert, and can get on well with just about anyone he meets!

Medic takes his job as a hobby, delighting in reaching into someone's chest cavity and playing God for a bit. He's very passionate about bird care, treating his flock of doves as if they were his children. He also loves music, and has a radio playing in the medbay whenever he can. Medic has a wonderful singing voice, but he rarely sings nowadays, though he used to in his younger years. He also is a surprisingly good dancer, but only Heavy knows about that one.

Sniper loves abandoning the base and going out into the middle of nowhere to just be one with nature and get some peace and quiet. He goes hunting, catches himself some game, cooks it over a fire, spends the night stargazing and listening to nocturnal animal calls. He's the most introverted of the group, and while he does sometimes sit in for poker and other team activities, he's happiest in the great outdoors by his lonesome.

Spy is a connoisseur in fine wines and other elegant alcoholic drinks, taking the time when he can to attend fine dining and wine tasting events. He plays piano, rather impressively well, among his wide set of talents, but unlike many talents that he picked up just for a job, he takes great joy in his musical skills. He also has a fondness for seducing your mother.

[vampismm]

Ticci Toby General Headcanons

(srry its so long i have a lot of thoughts about him... probably will rewrite later

) ---------------------------------------- - toby rogers is a small kid, around 5'6-5'7 with messy, shaggy brown hair and dark brown eyes. his hair is choppy and uneven from having to cut it himself and his eyes lack any true life behind them - to be fair, the guy himself lacks any life in him in general. he lost it all when he destroyed his life and became a proxy - but theres nothing he can do now. he knows this, and he copes hard. in ways that are less than ideal - fighting, outbursts, temper tantrums, drinking, smoking, murder - toby thinks with his fists more than he does his brain. he always has been and always will be a fighter, thats one thing he got from his father for better or for worse - he's just generally an insensitive prick - the kid doesn't care one bit about anybody but himself. its a dog eat dog world, right? every man for himself. - besides the lack of empathy, and the callousness, toby is also a weird kid in all. he crosses lines and disrespects boundaries, and is very vulgar and crude - very loud and immature. just an obnoxious prick - he does what he wants and god forbid anybody tries to assert authority over him - this is why he tends to have issues with tim. he cant stand the thought of some random guy going around acting like he knows him, or telling him what to do - nobody knows toby, not truly. he overshares and he talks a lot, but he doesnt really say much. the kid would rather kick, fight and scream than let anybody close to him - theres not a single soul on earth that toby trusts enough to rely on, in his mind all he has is himself now. especially after everything with his sister. he barely remembers it, but god does it follow him - he was never incredibly close with his sister, they just stuck by each other while dealing with their father. they bonded over the abuse in a subtle, sick way - she would stand up for him while he was being bullied in middle school, not knowing that toby would often instigate the fights. he was a violent kid projecting the violence at home onto kids on the playground - he wasnt just bullied, he was a bully too - to this day, people will often avoid him or feel uncomfortable around him. toby is just an antisocial asshole who pushes people away - despite this, he can be rather friendly at times. he's a very charismatic person when he wants to be and is scarily good at getting people to like him. - its only when they really get to know him that they run for the hills. he's nothing but a wolf in sheeps clothing and he pulls off the "troubled teen" act very well - when it comes to his 'job', he doesn't really follow through in the way he's supposed to - unless of course he's being directly controlled by Him - sometimes toby will wake up in the forest, covered in blood that isnt his and having no recollection of the past week or month - so much time has been taken from him, and so much more - theres not much he can do though. he has a job and He wont let him stop until the boy is useless. then he'll be discarded - until then, toby will continue to destroy himself just like he destroys everything around him. he will continue to be a fighter until he cant anymore. he'll continue to take and ruin lives - because honestly, thats all toby rogers has become and ever will be

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

ofmd s2e3 rewatch where i pause to jot down my thoughts and other random shit

squeezing this one in riiiiight before the next two eps drop lol. anyway these posts are about me processing these episodes and if you want to read them then that's cool too. but fair warning this is gonna be a fucking mess.

s2e1, s2e2, s2e3, s2e4, s2e5, s2e6, s2e7, s2e8

show opens on zheng leading a raid and INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH. this might be the first time we've seen a raid where like. the background music is kinda moody. and what's odd is that it has like the same level of comedically over-the-top violence and characters just having a casual conversation as like, the e5 cold open. but there's sad piano and strings doing tremolo in the background. i have no idea what this means.

god. zheng is so fucking hot.

i love olu's "no, no, sorry, bruv." and the FACE HE MAKES AFTER!!! so good

olu's a feminist

ZHENG IS SO FUCKING HOT

~champers?~ stede you are such a dork. i need to pinch ur cheeks.

yeah fuck the english!!

zheng saying "everyone's cracking down on the little guy" makes me wonder if the show is gonna do anything abt how the end of the golden age of piracy was like. a year off. which i only know from reading a few fics where the authors incorporated that into the plot. and there was the one trailer where we see zheng in jackie's bar while stede's giving everyone a speech so yknow what that might be where all this is going. big pirate battle at the end of the season, right?

another thing ive been wondering abt tho is just how much is this show gonna completely fuck with history. because like. is zheng yi sao gonna conquer the fucking caribbean. are we just going completely off the rails re: historical accuracy and inventing entire major historical events?? like crocs and pinocchio and pirates from different historical periods all existing at the same time and in the same place is one thing but if the characters like. overthrow england. then ofmd just straight-up exists in an alternate timeline at that point.

stede "the gentleman pirate kills with kindness" bonnet being so impressed with zheng is so cute to me tho

fhsjkgdhfushl oh my god when zheng snaps her fingers and stede hurries to refill drinks the other captain guy grins and flashes finger guns at stede and this is SO fucking funny to me

zheng being like "noooo it's stupid teehee" tucking her hair behind her ears ALSO very funny to me

whose job was it to make the letter N out of caviar for the title card in this episode bc it looks fantastic. got little serifs and everything

stede taking his towel duties VERY seriously and just. dropping them on zheng's desk for no reason. even olu is like "stede what the fuck are you doing"

obsessed with the running gag of stede being like "i always say that!" and other characters being like "no you fucking dont"

stede having zero impulse control and seeing the abacus and just being like "hey what the hell is this thing" and shaking it around. me too, king.

i wont lie tho part of me wonders if stede like. going overboard with towel duty and messing shit up is on purpose. like is he playing dumb so zheng lets her guard down just in case he needs her to think he's completely helpless?? bc at the end of the episode he does get one over on her and i assume it's partly bc she underestimated him. or am i just reading too much into it lol.

but idk it's weird that olu's like "ok stede zheng is busy" and stede's just like "im gonna shake this thing now teehee"

WAIT ALSO backtracking a bit. why were stede and olu shadowing zheng at the beginning of the episode. i mean olu i get, it's bc she has a crush on him (who can blame her) but what's the in-universe justification for zheng being like "yeah alright white boy u can come too"

stede's gay little run out of the room. GO GET YOUR MAN!!!!

awww the crew all look so sad at how messed up the ship is :( THAT'S THEIR HOME!!!

I KNEW THE GNOSSIENNE NO. 5 WAS GONNA KILL ME WHEN IT SHOWED UP IN S2 BUT THIS WAS TOO FUCKING MUCH. THE WAY IT TRAILS OFF AND WE JUST HEAR THE WIND ECHOING. FUCKINGGGGG CLAWING AT MY EYES

i love that there's knife stuck in the painting guy's dick. stupid gags like that never get old. also if that was izzy it's extra funny like what the fuck did he even do that for

also have we ever actually seen the outside of the door to stede's cabin like this before??? we saw those dutch guys get chased down this hallway but idk about. the door.

the crew is too busy feasting on raw bird like they're extras in a zombie film to hear stede calling for ed. love that.

the two people that the camera focuses on individually are jim and izzy. makes sense bc these are the characters who i think are gonna have the most important shit going on re: the fact that they all tried to kill ed.

stede's painfully awkward smile after "um... hi." i mean honestly tho what the fuck else do you say to walking in on this

oh shit jim was totally about to tell stede what happened tho. and then archie interrupted with "oh shit, you're stede?????"

this must be so fucking funny from archie's perspective tho. must've heard so much abt this guy and now she finally gets to meet the main character of the story she stumbled into about a third of the way through. and he's kinda just some blond guy.

stede sounds so defensive too tho when archie's like "i thought you'd be taller, charismatic, muscly" bc god that's exactly what he thinks he should be. i mean ok stede is charismatic in a very unique way but his whole e1 fantasy of having a beard and being all macho and badass was just putting all his insecurities on blast. and now archie is like "this is the guy blackbeard was so fucked up over?? really????"

shoutout to archie saying "got tired" when theyre all saying ed retired

also why was wee john in this shot. like not even just in the shot he's just sitting RIGHT behind stede listening to the whole thing. he doesn't have a single line.

stede rolling his eyes and ignoring izzy is so good. yes king dont take the bait

oh ok wee john was there so that we can see frenchie go over to him and give him a fist bump in the background while stede walks away to stare off into the distance

eddie on tha beach

piggie!

cave! remember when we were all like "CAVE KISS???? ARE THEY GONNA KISS IN THE CAVE??????" it would be funny if this is it for the cave. just off in the distance for one shot. cant actually tell if this is the cave they were posting pictures of last fall tho and idrc enough to try and figure it out

pig's name is ruthie. ed why did your subconscious name the pig ruthie.

why did ed's subconscious make hornigold tell him "open up for the cargo ship" ed your daddy issues are fucking insane

hornigold fully like rubs ed's chest for a second there. kinda a weird choice there.

"last time i saw you, you said you were gonna flay my skin and feed it back to me" man what is it with these pirates and forced autocannibalism, huh? i think getting flayed would hurt more but skin's probably easier to eat than toes so idk which i'd prefer. no i dont know why im pondering this either

smthng abt how this is ed hallucinating this whole bit where hornigold pinches his nose and force-feeds him soup is so funny to me. it's a metaphor for ed dragging himself kicking and screaming to therapy.

frenchie telling fang to stfu scjgdfchjxgk

fucking incredible line delivery from joel fry through the whole "it's quite hot, im burnin up here! should we go and get some coolin' bevvies?" bit. love it.

uhh line break

also bro auntie is dead-on about the guilt. i dont blame the crew at all for what they did but this + the whole bird-eating sequence bro. they all liked ed. they cared abt him. other than archie, they all knew him as a pretty cool person. like BRO im gonna have to make another post abt this but the trauma of like, someone you liked becoming so suicidal that he puts you in increasingly miserable situations hoping you'll snap and kill him and he keeps escalating it until you have no choice but to kill him for your own safety. but you know he was a funny and chill person before this. and you know he only did this bc he wanted to die. dude this shit is fucking heavy.

anyway cut to jimolu lol

bro what IS going on in towels. i love how stede just passes around towels for smelling. is this something people have done literally ever or is this just so we can have chloroform towels at the end of the episode

sorry i know in the last post i was sort of squinting at the bit where olu forgot how to pronounce china but the was he mispronounces eucalyptus is just so satisfying to hear i cant even be mad abt it

awwwwgh u can tell jim was scared to tell olu abt kissing archie

lmaoooo when jim says "i saw her boobs" olu's head WHIPS around and he's like "oh??" all wide-eyed dbhjgkhdfyjsk

naw im sorry this is cute. this is a cute tealoranges scene. yes it's jim telling olu abt how they hooked up with someone else but bro i LOVE relationships with this kind of comfortable discussion abt sex and abt relationships in general. i mean there's a lot more for them to talk about still but in a worse show this wouldve been a whole screaming match. instead we got jim saying "you're kinda the best friend i tell everything to" and joking about boobs and UGH. it's so cute!!!!

it's also so fucking funny tho. "i saw her boobs" "oh?? okay, nice" "both of them" "nope, too much" WHY IS THAT WHERE HE DRAWS THE LINE HFKHSGJKFKKJFHK

also when did jim see archie's boobs tho. like ok realistically they've seen each other in varying stages of undress just bc it's not that big of a ship and there's only so much privacy. but the funnier answer is that after ed kicked them out of the secret room and a few minutes later a gunshot went off (who did the rest of the crew think pulled the trigger, i wonder) and they think izzy's dead probably. and then jim and archie decided this was a good time to hook up.

wait i forgot abt the nebulous amount of time between the mutiny and stede walking in on them all eating a dead bird. who fucking knows how much time that was tho. but they could've hooked up then i guess

GNOSSIENNE NO. 5 PART 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO. IM SOBBING.

the song gets to play out more in this scene and ohhhh baby i missed this piano piece. also stede looks more annoyed than upset. he's just casually yoinking things out of the wall. and then he sees the ones on the ceiling and is like "really, ed?"

i think i said this in the tags of a gifset but izzy says "don't cry, bonnet" when stede's back is to him and i just think it's funny bc stede literally wasnt crying. he just looked kinda pissed off. izzy continues to not understand ed or stede even a little bit.

also i love how the music changes by just playing a minor chord and then there's like a spooky echo and then. no more background music.

i just realized izzy's crutch is literally just a mop he's holding upside down. this is funny to me for some reason

"he was a wild dog and we dealt with him like one" izzy hands racism moments

why does izzy even lie about this. why does he say "no i could never do that" when literally he did. he looked right at ed's face as jim hit it with a fucking cannonball. like. what fucking purpose does lying about this even serve. in what way does that benefit izzy. idgi

also ive heard that apparently ppl think he did this to spare stede or something but 1. why would he not want to specifically torture stede as much as possible 2. this is literally not sparing stede bc stede would spend the rest of his life scouring the entire caribbean hoping to find the island where they dropped ed.

RANDOM fucking idea tho but what if they did maroon him but it was on the island from 1x02. that wouldve been great for ed probably. get therapy from the old guy. have some coconut rum drink. chill out. oh well instead they shoved ed into a secret closet and left him there to die from a traumatic head injury.

hornigold calling ed "bro" was such a dead giveaway for me that this was a dream sequence or whatever. like from trailers and stuff i had already figured that this guy was hornigold and that he was probably a ghost or something but i think i mightve been questioning it a little bit at this point. but yeah anyway ed says "bro" and while obviously we dont know exactly what hornigold was like, he didnt sound like the kind of guy to say "bro"

i do love how hornigold's like "you worried you're insane?" and ed's just like "yeah a little bit!"

hornighost: you gotta move on or blow your brains out. or... we can make some soup. ed: yeah let's do soup.

wait stede told zheng that they marooned ed. and then zheng is like "well it's at least mutiny-adjacent" like no im pretty sure that's literally just a regular mutiny

bro rubio qian is so good at making faces

i love how ed's like "you ever thought about selling these shoes?" like who the fuck is hornigold going to sell them to. where does ed think they are.

OUGH RETURN OF ED'S HAIR ALL UP IN A BUN!!!!

ough... return of ed's trauma :(

ughughghuhguhughughgffffff every time i hear ed's voice in the bathtub scene i want to cryyyyy SOMEONE HUG THIS MAN I SWEAR TO GOD

also hornigold's mouth definitely moves in this shot where ed climbs off his body lol

hnnng... ed arm

oughuhgu and a strand of the wig came out of the bun WHY IS HE SO PRETTYYYYYYYYY

i cant believe for months i had my fingers crossed for the "person A thinks person B is dead" trope with ed hearing about the fuckery but instead i got it THE OTHER WAY AROUND. AAAAAAAAAAAHH

yo is hornigold wearing like. a flag. idk why i just noticed this but there's like a giant metal rung with rope tied through it holding his whole robe-ish situation together. is that a flag

very random thought but i love how tv shows just cut back and forth btwn plots and one plot might basically be one conversation but every time we cut back theyre in a different setting and we dont see how they got there. like the cut from stede walking in on the crew eating a bird to all of them back on zheng's ship eating soup. and now we went from ed yelling "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON" at hornighost's hut and now they're on a beach talking abt what the fuck is going on. why did they go there. who knows. doesnt matter.

ed is so fucking stressed abt being in the gravy basket. poor man is nervously playing with the big stick and trying so hard not to lose his cool.

damn he threw that stick really far tho. good arm.

im sorry but it's SO fucking funny how zheng is trying to seduce olu in this scene and she's like "whats the status of your boatmance is it... ongoing?" *unsheathes sword* like girl that's not seduction that's a full-on threat. i mean it's still hot dgmw but it's unclear what exactly you're going for here

YES STEDEY-BOY

loving the jaunty little escape music

archie and jim holding haaands

stede: you always say you have perfect aim black pete: ive never said that roach: you always say that lucius, throwing his beloved boyfriend under the bus: you said it today

buttons is so fucking loud fhjkhgyejkthfjkhg. ngl i relate tho

obsessed with the noise button makes when he slides across to the Revenge

and they use tea towels to slide over!! god stede really made the most out of his time in towels

~~

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE how olu is the one sitting on the desk with his legs dangling and kicking during this makeout session

also obsessed with how theoretically olu could've seduced zheng out of killing the crew and it's possible that none of this was necessary

wait i literally just realized that they stole the wheel not just so that zheng couldn't follow them but bc the Revenge didnt have one lol

ugh ed's tits look so good what the hell

ed in his head instantly associates the phrase "calico jack" with someone going "WHOOHOO" at the top of their lungs

oughu FUCK i did not fucking realize this but ed is taking hornigold's presence here as confirmation that he's not loveable. earlier hornighost said "you're afraid you're unlovable" but then when he's on the cliff and he's like "you brought me here because you hate yourself" ed is like "im not loveable." ohhhhhh fuck

and then hornigold is like "and you're afraid to do anything about it. but im not" and then throws the rock off the cliff. this is the shittiest part of ed's brain calling him a pussy for not killing himself and telling him he deserves to die. fuuuuuuuuck me.

oh boy okay. ed got yanked off the cliff. stede is heading into the secret room. idk if i even have anything to say about the mermaid sequence like i cant believe this shit is real. fuck. this is a fever dream. they really just... wrote this. filmed it. put rhys darby in a fish tail. FUCK

ok the two things i have to say about this. first: the fucking flashback montage in this sequence makes me stop breathing like every single fucking time. secondly: when theyre face-to-face in ed's mermaid fantasy there's a split second where ed sort of jolts forward a tiny tiny tiny half of an inch. and i have no idea if it's intentional. but it makes me think of how in the "you wear fine things well" scene ed TOTALLY STEPS IN THINKING STEDE'S ABOUT TO KISS HIM.

WRITTEN BY ALYSSA LANE AND ALEX SHERMAN. SHOUTOUT TO THOSE GUYS.

[ruby-static]

After all this time- I finally have a good ref for my Fallout New Vegas Courier 6: Riley Redmont Haddock. (But friends just call him "Red") AKA the nerdy human embodiment of anxiety.

+ some doodles of him with various companions I plan for him to have in my playthrough.

Riley is my timid, easily annoyed, anxiety-ridden mess of a wasteland wanderer. Dude has an affinity for robots, tinkering, inventing, repairing and general science nerdery. Poor guy is wrapped up in an absolute bullshit chain of events and is quietly losing his shit.

If you wanna know a little more about the dude, I'll leave more info under the cut. (I'd also be more than happy to answer any asks about the dude.)

Name: Riley Redmont Haddock

Age: Mid-30s

Pronouns: He/Him (Transmasc)

Sexuality: Gay/Ace

(Current) Voice Claim: Lin Manuel Miranda. Mainly just because of his voice as Fenton Crackshell Cabrera/Sheriff Marshall Cabrera from Ducktales 2017. That is, unless I find a better voice.

Personality: Timid and overwhelmingly anxious, and a bit easily irritated in the face of his new travels. Due to his affinity with tech, he tends to be more comfortable around robots than people. (At first, at least.) A bit near-sighted and stuck inside his own head, while still fiercely looks after people close to him. Over time in his adventures, he slowly develops into a more confident, collected, yet reckless person.

Bio:

Riley grew up being the child of a Mojave legend known as "The Scarlet Rider", a woman (named Ellie) famed as a masked vigilante who fought to help the people of the Mojave wastes as the stories would tell. But people rarely knew abot "Scarlet's little girl". (Riley had obviously not "cracked the egg" yet for a good while.) Growing up with a traveller and masked hero for a mother, he learned a lot of what formed him into the person he is. Being a decent shot, a skilled mechanic, and more.

But when in a tragic incident his mother disappears, presumed dead, Riley was then sought after and brought in by his estranged father. This man, however, wasn't exactly as noble as his mother. Him being a notorious crime boss of the Vegas area. Having to spend his teenage years as a pawn to a crime lord, certain events would lead to him running off at the age of 16.

Now with his father's men after him, and almost no one to turn to, Riley would travel across the Mojave wastes and other surrounding areas to find safety.

Young Riley ends up finding a group of travelling performers, who he spends his time with for some years. But after a tragic death in the group, the remaining members break apart- leaving Riley on his own again.

Riley starts further developing his skills in robotics where he finds his love for tinkering and repairs. His endless tinkering ends up in the creation of his closest companion, Buddy. A tiny companion robot made completely from scrap, but somehow harboring an endless rabid thirst for violence and wanton destruction. But due to his size, he's effectively harmless. And for a while, he's Riley's one close friend.

So over the years, he's gotten around the wasteland by keeping his head down and taking various jobs and roles. Scavenger, singer, mechanic, and many more.

To Riley, his position as a courier is just a temporary gig "to get me from here to there". He's never really been too attached to it. But with his latest gig, he didn't really have any idea what this seemingly insignificant job would be getting him into.

Because that fateful night with the poker chip and the man in the checkered suit- Well, it just changed everything to say the least.

After the shock from taking a nasty shot to the head wears off, Riley isn't looking for any petty revenge- but answers. Because he can tell something is deeply wrong. And he's just too damn curious to let it go.

Random Info:

Riley tends to be a bit of a "robot whisperer". He seems to become friendly with bots a lot easier than he does with other people. This is typically due to his repair skills, but he generally seems to socialize easier with robots. (Prior to the NV story at least.) For example, he tends to get along pretty well with Victor early in his journey. And the first real 'companion' he meets is ED-E.

As mentioned- prior to the events of the game, Riley has a connection/history with one of the companion characters. Raul Tejada was a close friend of Riley's mother Ellie. So as a kid, Riley grew with Raul as a sort of uncle-figure. After his mother disappearing and him being turned over to his father, they lost contact. After running away from his father, he would come across Raul again, but it wouldn't last for long before he would have to run again with his father's men searching for him. Sadly, they wouldn't meet again for many years until Riley comes across him imprisoned in Black Mountain.

Riley has no idea just how in high hell this happened, but he manages to form a decent relationship with The Kings. He can't explain why he's friends with them, it just... happened. And he's incredibly confused about the whole thing. The King lets him hang out with his adorable robo-dog, though, so he's not complaining.

He also tends to hang around the Followers of the Apocolypse on occasion after bringing ED-E to them. He just tends to chat around with the members- (Arcade in particular.) But he likes to fix any broken tech around, so nobody really complains.

Riley has a texan accent! He tends to hide it around people, but it tends to slip out when he's emotional. (Extremely angry, extremely happy/excited, you get the idea.) Or when he's around certain people, like close friends. As the story goes along, he tends to hide it less and less.

Riley has an interest in various pre-war topics. Specifically, pre-war fashion, pop culture, and music. He believes that if he was born before the war (or if the war never happened) he would be working in fashion. Namely, working in a bridal parlor.

With his additional background in music/performing, he knows a few instruments! Namely guitar, violin, and a little piano.

[wee-miss-noone]

For the Choose Violence ask game - Discworld 12, 17, 18, 22

Hello! And thanks fro the ask <3

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

Igor from the Monstrous Regiment. It's not that she's unpopular but she's not as talked about as other Discworld character, which makes sense since she's just a minor character in one novel, but I just wish I could see more of her. Igors are such interesting family/species (are they an idependent species? not sure) but most of the ones which appear in Dicsworl novels are men and it would be very cool to see how female Igors operate. also Igor was such a badass - just sew her own scalp on, can switch her face however she wants - would make for a great undercover agent and I really want to see that kinda story

Also Letitia Keepsake. The girl starts as the stereotypical shallow fiancee of a man Tifanny may or may not fancy but then proves to be such empathetic caring girl with incredible potential to be a witch. She gives a Teddy bear to a wailing ghost! And a pumpkin to a headless rider spectre so he could carry it around instead a head! Her mother is this awful bosy judgy woman and it would be easy for Letitia to be just her mother's brainless lackey and I mean she is under her mother's thumb in a way, but she also does her own things and is curious and kind and brave and frankly a bit too good for Roland but I digress. Anyways I want more of her.

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

There should be more art of the entire Monstrous Regiment regiment. Most art is of Poly and Maledicta but all regiment members are so cool. Also more Angua fanart.

As for fics I think every fandom should have *insert character that dies in canon* meets Death (or Susan bcs Death is on the vacation) fic, just for fun and to help deal with the trauma

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

I feel like I don't see people talk about the discworld trolls that much. Which I feel is usch a shame because they are such an interesting species… I mean they get stereatyped as being big and dumb but they're actually quite clever only they are constantly in an enviroment which does not allow their intellect to be shown.

Also idk if this counts but I find it said no one is discussing paralels between Lavender Jack the webcomic and Captain Vimes (specifically in Nightwatch). I know it's random and most people do not talk abt it bcs they just have not read the Lavender Jack. still I think it's be cool

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

I'm basic bitch so I don't think I have a bit which only I appreciatte. But as soemone who studies psychology I have great fondness to that one bit where Vimes explains that you cannot deduce someone's entire life from one time you pass him on the street because many things can have different meanings like a tattoo can mean the man spent time with navy or that he made a drunk decision to get tatttoed when he was a teenager. And that's rings so true becuase in psychology there are a lot of symptoms and behavioral patterns hwich can mean certain mental condition... or another condition which is completely different or it can be normal behavior given the right circumstances - and that's why diagnozing is so hard, even though I met a lot of people in my life who think that just because someone acts certain way they have to be *insert diagnosis here*. which is according to these people *bad*. My point is basically that I like the aknowledgement that things are not always striaght cut becuase HUMANS ARE COMPLICATED

Also, but this is more of a language barrier thing and technically not and issue relating canon - something I really love but a lot of people have no chance of experiencing are the joys of czech tranlsation of the books. The translator Jan Kanturek did absolutely masterful job and he often adds his own translator notes to make some interesting comments (not like adding to the Discworld lore, but like to explain certain real world references or highlight soem hilarious parts) and I mean if oyu like disworld footnotes from Sir Terry I can guarantee these ones are also great. (There was this one where he explained the czech/slovak word "kurva" (meaning wh*re) used to be an archaic term to refer to girls in general so about a century ago a proud parent somewhere in Moravia may proclaim something like "we have two little boys and a little wh*re" and idk but I still remember that one to this day and like to quote it on people to show how the language changes)

Also also - unrelated but ever since I read I Shall Wear Midnight my dream wedding ceremony invovles jumping through fire and while the officiant calls me and my significant other profanities XD.

[mediaevalmusereads]

Agnes Moore's Wild Knight. By Alyssa Cole. 2014.

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: historical romance, novella

Series: N/A

Summary: Agnes Moor knows her place in the court of King James IV—as one of the “exotics” in his employ. When the king makes a kiss from Agnes the prize of a tourney, a mysterious knight plows through his opponents to claim it. But it isn’t chance. The Wild Knight has come for her, and her champion is after after the most elusive prize of her heart.

CONTENT WARNINGS: microaggressions, explicit sexual content, violence

OVERVIEW: I've had rotten luck with romances set before the 18th century, so when I learned Alyssa Cole had written a novella set in early modern Scotland, I was optimistic. Unfortunately, I can't give this novella more than 3 stars because it has a few tropes that I personally dislike. So while other readers might have a good time, I just thought this work was ok.

WRITING: Cole's prose was fine for the genre this book is writing in. It's fairly straight forward and moves rather quickly without a lot of description or flowery flourish. Because this work is so short, I don't have that much else to say about it - it's fine and it does its job.

PLOT: The non-romance plot of this book follows Agnes Moor, a Black woman serving in the court of King James IV. James is hosting a tournament in which the prize is a kiss from Agnes, and at the beginning of the book, we're told that there is just one event left to go. The man poised to be the winner is an anonymous figure called the Wild Knight, and Agnes thinks his bearing is familiar...

What I appreciated about this story is though we begin as the tournament is about to end, Cole gives us flashbacks that establish the characters' dynamics beforehand. I was grateful for this not only because we got to see how out characters meet, but it showed us how they were drawn to each other so that their meeting at the tournament didn't feel too random.

I also liked that this book was based on a historical event and told the story of a Black woman in early modern Scotland. I feel like too often, we gloss over the fact that Black people (who weren't slaves) existed in the UK prior to the 18th century, so I liked that Agnes was given the spotlight.

Most of my criticisms are reserved for the romance part of this narrative, so I'll discuss them in detail below.

CHARACTERS: Agnes, our heroine, is interesting in that she grapples a lot with being exoticized while at the same time wanting to make herself useful to the king. I liked that she was competent in politics, and I appreciated that she was trying to navigate her feelings about being Othered while also being highly valued.

Gareth, our hero, is honestly a little more bland. He doesn't seem to have much going for him except that he's a Scottish man who can fight, though there was a hint at some complexity when he alluded to the Scots being Othered in a similar way to Agnes. I also wasn't clear on why Gareth would suddenly decide to work with the king when he's established as someone who values freedom, so perhaps Cole could have done more to make Agnes convince him that working with the crown would lead to peace.

Supporting characters weren't nearly fleshed out enough to matter, but that's OK since this is a novella. I think any more development would have meant they distracted from the story.

ROMANCE: While I was delighted that a character like Agnes was being given her own Highlander Romance, there were a few tropes used that I personally dislike.

For one, Gareth displays some murderous tendencies that Agnes views in a positive light. There's a moment when an unnamed Englishman makes some comments regarding her race, and Gareth chokes him to the point where several characters fear for his life. Agnes is flattered and turned on by his display of violence, and while I don't begrudge a little revenge fantasy against racists, I also just wish the whole episode wasn't in the story.

I also think their "love" was established way too soon. By the time of the tournament, Agnes and Gareth have only met once before, and when they meet again, they're ready to gets married. Cole tries to sell it as them having this instant connection and inserts some line about how most couples marry without ever meeting. However, given that they are supposed to have an emotional connection, I just found their engagement to be rushed.

TL;DR: Agnes Moor's Wild Knight is admirable for its dedication to giving a Black woman her own Highlander Romance, and there were some interesting moments when the main couple explored the exoticization/barbarization of both Black people and the Scottish. However, the bland hero, too-fast romance, and violent masculinity left me disappointed.

[000life-is-meaningless000]

Here's something else that makes absolutely no fucking sense and it's a product of insanity, These fucking false ass morals of humanity !

If somebody treats you like shit getting revenge is the evil ?

If someone is extremely abusive to you extremely toxic avenging what they gave you the pain they gave you getting back at them becoming violent or some other way of getting revenge is seen as the true evil not the one who did the evil ?

But if one country were to fire a random nuke at another country that can't be forgiven but if someone like a civilian beats the shit out of someone else and puts them into a very toxic relationship and treat them like shit that has to be forgiven ?

If if parents were extremely abusive socially and physically to a child growing up that kid apparently has no right to turn around and grab a let's just say a instrument of war that the military uses all the time I can't say specific words because Tumblr is very sensitive about that shit they're very censor happy they don't want you talking about violence too much

I think you know where, I'm leading this fucking post

. . .

You're supposed to always forgive people no matter how much of a fucking devil they were to you you are not supposed to get revenge you are not supposed to attack the evils you are not supposed to hit them with a righteous flurry or righteous Wrath

Human being see Revenge as the evil but if someone did Evil to you in the past you have no right to get Justice for that you have no right to attack them you have no right to at least the pain they gave you under them what a very retarded ass backwards and Extremely Sick psychology

( Society argues to whoever does Great Evil to you you must forgive and Forget, Them. ) 😡

( ! To, Move on and be . . . Strong ? ) 🤦🏻‍♂️

( if only police officers applied the same logic, imagine robbing a store and walking out with unpaid Good's, and then when the police show up to arrest you tell them to be strong and forgive and forget what you did and move on with their life ) 🤣

Anybody that wrongs you Deserves Whatever the fuck they're Going to get from you

. . .

You are an individual !

If a man walks up and punches a woman that woman has every right to fight back it's violently as possible if a woman walks walks up and punches a man he has every right to attack back the cops should be the one who should be thrown in jail !

Police officers should have no fucking right to arrest people who fight back and judges are so fucking stupid they don't understand what morality is,

i Think, before you become a judge you have to pass a Morality test

Cops only enforce laws that's all they ever do if they're only job is to arrest people who are breaking the law or they suspect or breaking the law

The cops most people who are cops either get a massive Power Trip off of it or they just don't know how to do their fucking job or they do a lot of let's just Say immoral arrest

Most cops don't understand that you supposed to uphold your job with righteous honor but most cops are fucking psychopaths and they see that fucking badge as instant omnipotence, Witch a Catch

😡

You're not supposed to grab a gun and think you become a god

😡

I understand that a gun gives you a sense of power but those are fucking hammer

😡

I understand a gun makes you feel strong but how strong are you going to feel when that God damn thing Goes click and there's no more ammo

😡

I Really Don't like People that Get a Sense of Power and Superiority holding a fucking Weapon I Really Don't like Those People

. . .

But this is amazing me trying to let you know that revenge is good, it's moral to get back at those that hurt you revenge is not an evil revenge is righteous but I really finding just completely fucking extremely sick toxic and insane is everyone tells you that Karma or God do it which is just absolute evil

If somebody hurts you you have to let someone else help you you're not allowed to be independent you're not allowed to fight back you have to let something else that doesn't that's not going to do anything get involved which will never get involved so really if the defense of evil if somebody hurts you good

good for you go fuck yourself

. . .

God/Allah or Zeus isn't going to fucking help anyone if somebody hurts you no one has a magical protect system everybody likes to think that somebody hurt you there's some higher power is going to help you what the fuck do they not Stopped it Stop before it Happen, it's Fucking Insanity, it's, it's The Defense for The Villain

And lastly karma is complete fucking bullshit but they say about karma is you're welcome what goes around comes around the little do you fucking know that you are the karma for someone else's action

😡

All societies based around protecting evil serving evil helping evil but also saying they don't condone the actions of evil and then send the cops around

😡

Evil has a lot of leeway in almost all societies especially America

. . .

Street Justice, is The Best Justice

[hanzi83]

This Is Hanzi’s Blog In Case You Want to Pretend You Didn’t Know

This is gonna be one of my “random” blogs again to showcase I don’t know how to write anything other than run on sentences, but just to start this out in case any Stern fan who stumbles across this, yes this is Hanzi from Howard Stern’s blog since some of you shit heads over there want to find a way to bring up my blog since it has been going off on the far right, so putting there under the guise of “I am a regular human being who just happened to stumble across this fat mentally ill man’s blog where I am gonna assume he is some whack job” opposed to the “I am a deranged Howard Stern stan who has to spend their days on a fucking message board dedicated to a dead show where we regurgitate the same shitty quotes and if it isn’t that we’re doing revenge porn by leaking out Onlyfans of a wife who is married to a former personality from the show, and since we are unhinged cult who have the system’s protection, we can ruin other people’s lives including this mentally ill Pakistani, who is minding his own business and not talking about this show because he kind of moved on but we haven’t even though aesthetically we look better and have families, we have to avoid talking to our kids because we are too busy pretending Howard Stern is a liberal”. Imagine sitting there daily on a sub reddit dissecting Shuli vs Stuttering John and thinking you are in a better position mentally than me. At least I am honest about my mental illness, while a lot of you who hate me or obsessed with me, are still mentally fucked in your head because you insisted on having the aesthetic of a normal person and you know you are never going to fucking heal. I am prepared to never heal because I know the world I am living in is run by a mentally ill system. Also since a lot of unhinged patriots and feds are running these fandoms, they need a way to talk about my podcast or my blog so they put my stuff out there for far right wing people to target me. I can probably bet some of these people were at the Insurrection. Just my theory, I have no facts since you mother fuckers want to talk about how my blogs and podcasts are manifestos. Are they though? I am monitored. They know I don’t have weapons, they know I am not planning any violence. Can I say the same about some of you in these fucked up fandoms? Maybe you are mad that I am covering shit beyond being the Stern persona who just does a podcast obsessing over the Stern Show backstage shit. Maybe you guys are the ones who are gonna be future fucking manifesto shit heads. I know you guys have tried the last decade to pile on me and push me to the brink of insanity. You have scarred me with so much harassment and propaganda to make me question people in my life, or people I have interaction with. Whoever is okaying these attacks and believe me they are probably organized, I hope nothing but the worst for your mental stability and I hope you have to be haunted by everytime you compromised yourselves and your souls just so you can come across looking normal even though your mental issues are never going to fucking heal. And you hate me for trying to evolve and trying to get away from all of that, but you mother fuckers are stuck on a fucking show that has been dead for the last 15 years or so and you can’t handle it because your every day consists of having to be on that sub reddit talking about this shitty show and you don’t have the capability of actually having your own personality which is why you are angry because when the show used to be in its prime, you guys would take from the show and adopt whatever material they put out and beat it into the fucking ground. Don’t get mad at me and you should be happy that I am mentioning your fucking sub reddit because it is the only time people pay attention to it because there are many people who fucking hate me who will now align with these people just as a united front. Leave me the fuck alone. I don’t talk about you or fuck with any of you and it is clear you will mention me because you have exhausted all your tired bullshit about other personalities. So in case you shit heads stumble upon my podcast and blog, yeah this is Hanzi from the Howard Stern Show. Sorry I didn’t become the terrorist you wanted me to become through your harassment and your hints of what they are planning to do to me. Eat shit. They sense I have not been feeling well mentally lately with the overall direction of where this world is going and since these vultures monitor my every mood and and every movement, they know when to strike and they want me to snap from the harassment that is clearly organized, whether people in my life are organizing it like they always allude to, or whether it is the wrestling heads, or Howard Stern himself, and now the political content creators out there who fucking hate me. They will find a fucking way to get at me now that I am putting out my thoughts but the thing is I am supposed to irrelevant, I am supposed to be someone who doesn’t matter because they have purposefully blackballed me from ever making it out of my fucking situation. They insert people into my life who have helped partake in diminishing me and making me feel like a piece of shit, people who will brag about putting pics of me in their discord group and mention how much I am worth because they know my trajectory before I do, but they have to use me as a guinea pig so now they will hammer home how much help I need but then create situations where I am beaten down mentally where I am given no choice. If that is the fucking case then why don’t you fucking let just die off then. Is it because spiritually you dipshit fundamentalists who pose as atheists are afraid I will haunt you from beyond and you won’t be able to shake me? I will never forgive the people who helped do this to me and that includes people from my past as well, even though they found a way while I was at my fucking lowest to socially climb up and sell their souls to be hanging around people in showbiz and then act like cartoon characters at social gatherings because everyone has to play a parody of a human being. There are barely any fucking human beings anymore Look at the discourse over movies and television shows nowadays, nothing fucking comes off as genuine and internet discourse has never felt more parody than I could ever recall. Maybe some of you who monitor me should move on with your lives and learn how to be good parents but instead of that, you will socially climb up with important people so in case I ever do get vindication, you can align with me so you can then oppose me later on because when you become bigger they will always have people who make a living based off hating on you and people will want to align with that. I don’t need those people in my life. People who get angered if there is some happiness for me and are waiting like vultures to pounce and make you feel like a piece of shit. So people who need me have aligned with people close to me so they can be given permission to treat me like shit and now I can’t get rid of those people from my life and they hate that they couldn’t produce content on my podcast, because if they could then they would give it props but because I do it my way and put in the work I know how with it, despite downplaying it as something I record in my mother’s basement it hurts a lot of you to know that as crazy as I sound, i am coming up with new angles on how to analyze the discourse while a lot of you just become part of the kayfabe and buy into these sports entertainment storylines. Everyone, including people from my past have been so used to me being dumbed down they can’t stomach that I actually try to analyze shit on my own. What makes this blog extra sweet, is that while I am writing this in “private” they are monitoring it before and getting affected by what I am writing but then they are going to read it again when I post it so they can go off on it. Remember a couple of years ago they posted my blog before I even posted it publicly by copying and pasting to show they are monitoring my fucking thoughts. This is the level of shit I am dealing with and people tell me to get help like getting help will help me deal with shitty people who are getting worse mentally. They just are around more elitist types and they are getting worse and they will say they are doing it for their family and kids etc but the irony is that people in your life are eventually going to hate you and will resent you because of how mentally unhinged you are but I guess having protection from the elite will make you feel somewhat better. You can weaponize shit against me and blame me for everything knowing I don’t have a support system or the backup. Now my trolls will either promote this under the guise of “HANZI SNAPPED FEEL BAD FOR HIM HE IS GONNA DO SOMETHING VIOLENT” or maybe I made some valid points in the midst of all this craziness, and now you will ignore it because you can’t promote my shit if isn’t some super violent and big time meltdown that you creeps are craving. Now I will admit, you got to me and you know when you get to me that I start going through the mental playlist embedded in my head of all the times I have taken disrespect from people in my life over the last 20 or so years and envisioning future scenarios where I am confronting people for what they have done. I can be honest about my mental illness and where my fucking mind goes because there are others that go through it and no one wants to articulate how this process works because they are afraid of how it will make them look. People already think the worst of me, so I have no shame in expressing my mental illness and how people can trigger it. At the most people will assume it is all in my head because they are not ready to profit off my story just yet, and they will just enjoy the struggle I have but trust me eventually you will all have to come face to face with your demons and the same system you are socially climbing up to will make you an example and tear you apart mentally and no one is gonna fucking save you just like no one is gonna fucking save me. At least I feel I know the people in charge want all of us to be fucked up. You want to join the part of the system that drives people crazy and you want to get worse yourself and it won’t matter because the nice houses, the nice white picket fence family you have will suffice with the image but it will never be good enough and you know it won’t, especially if you are so invested in trying to destroy my mental illness. So whoever is behind it, I wish the worst for you. I wish the worst for whoever has tried to fucking get me to lose my mind like the last fucking decade plus hasn’t already been bad enough for my mental health, and what makes it worse is the issues I have are just solely blamed on me. I will take blame for shit I have said and how I acted, I always reflect on my existence, so instead of reflecting on what you did and how you acted you rather try to push someone to the edge and hoping they will do something violent and when I don’t go that route, and I write a scathing reply it fucking stinigs your mental even more. So spin this as a manifesto or “HANZI IS GONNA DO SOMETHING CRAZY” do whatever makes you feel good, but I bet when you are away from your group chat where you guys regurgitate shitty jokes about me and others, you will be thinking about the words I wrote and they will seep into your psyche and you will be worried about what consequences you will have to face in a karmic kind of way. 

(One Hour Later)

I know I was kind of on a roll with that last rant, I had to channel some really negative energy for that one and even though I can kind of get good at it, it is not my desired mentality but that is a sample of where my mind goes when I feel people are pushing me and when it accumulates from all my experiences in life, I have venomous thoughts roaming in my fucking head and I can’t control the speed in which all of this is coming from this and I do my best but I really don’t like being this way but I have to vent, and even though people monitor my private thoughts I feel I might as well publish it, it is a gamble whether people like it or not or intrigued by the thought process, because I suspect most people will just consume my stuff to hate on me and make their comments privately about how I am losing my mind and taking joy in it and to know it exists, and quite possibly people you know, it tears at your heartstrings to know I will never have a healthy relationship with people ever again with how the exposition has been about how people have transformed into over the top characters, it doesn’t feel like I really want to anymore and I am better off not being here because it doesn’t feel like there isn’t any hope and when I admit I feel this way, vultures will still take advantage and pounce on you because they have chosen to go more to the right wing side and as much as they complain about being censored and combatting people they oppose with scripted tactics, when someone can kind of truly get at the core of the issue and what they are normalizing they feel triggered but since they are supposed to act like I am not relevant and no one cares about me, they can’t admit they are consuming anything I am putting out because that gives me some kind of credit but they still have to try and lure me into the forefront in front of conservative audiences so they can target someone new and harass them but they can’t officially do that just yet because while they are always listening and watching, they have to keep a low profile since I am making note of any organized harassment that is being put my way. I think they figured a decade ago, by now they would be able to organize enough mental anguish that I would’ve fully broken down but their shit made me stronger mentally and even though they try to fucking shake me up mentally all the time, so this might not seem like the most harassment I have ever dealt with, but whenever they try to start something a little, it then gets me to react aggressively mentally to the entire attempt because I won’t let them fuck do this shit to me again and if I have to irrationally tweet through it, or podcast about it or blog about it etc, then so fucking be it. I already accepted I am not a fucking cool person. I am turning 40 in a week or so, I am never going to fucking want to be cool nor do I even know how at this point. So yes while these blogs are embarrassing on many levels, I will still put them out as long as I am still living and I don’t even know why I am at this point. I have been ready to check out the last 20 years and “fame” just kind of sidetracked the entire thing. I knew once the mental illness became an on surface factor and I didn’t know how I was gonna be able to handle it because I could never talk to anyone about this because most people would use it to their advantage to manipulate and it hurts to know people who were supposed to be close would do horrible shit that they will never cop to, but I knew once that came into play with my life, I knew I was never going to be normal and especially around people who couldn’t admit their mental illness or their own insecurities and they would become shitty people who pretended to be there for you but were using your name to run through the fucking mud and these people get looked at as these great community and thought leaders in this world and how many people do that to other people they can use as a guinea pig and use them to be disposable. People will come out and pretend they are a fighter of the people but then at some point they find their billionaire they will compromise themselves for and it is the same fucking story. Why would I want to become that? I was originally intending on writing more about some current topics, but maybe I should just keep it like this. Do you really need another long winded blog about why TYT are complete and utter shit and are becoming increasingly scarier with their soulless takes and their insistence on doubling down as the official progressive while they are looking for big time paydays which they know they will get. I want to just end this blog because this is what consumed me even though I was going to go over some shit that is in the discourse. Now I am going through this process. I am jotting down my live thoughts on whether or not to keep this mediocre shit going like the rants haven’t been crazy enough for some people, but then again maybe people shouldn’t consume the work of an irrelevant person. Maybe it is a you problem and not a me problem. 

I won’t try to go into a long diatribe or I will try not to. I start a new paragraph and make the thoughts fresher but normally it starts going downhill by the time the third paragraph starts at an odd place. I just think this world has increasingly become the entertainment we have manifested, I can kind of predict where some shit will go like the sports entertainment of presenting politicians for having words “behind the scenes” which is online behind the scenes, like it is technically taking place off camera, but we know about it but they sell it like we are not supposed to know about it, because if we were not supposed to know about it, it wouldn’t be out in the public sphere for our consumption but Swalwell and and McCarthy’s latest spout where we have grown men who are powerful calling each other pussies, and threatening to kick their asses. I am gonna predict that this is planting seeds for an eventual physical altercation. If America is like WWE, and other countries are territories or represent other companies etc, then when you have been showing us throughout the years of other countries government meetings etc ending in physical altercations then eventually WWE adopts it to happen in their company so you know eventually things that are happening in other countries, will eventually make its way to the US and then in true fashion, down the line Canada will get it eventually like it is getting MTV Canada in 2002 where it was mostly snowboarding videos and replays of Jackass. So eventually we are getting violence in one of these congressional hearings or committee hearings. It is already a shit show, it is like they promote this shit as big time matches. Suddenly RFK video leaks out about bioweapons with some racist twist and somehow it was a “private” conversation at a dinner and I am such a wrestling fan, all I see is the starting promo to start a storyline and then the hearing of him sparring with other members in congress was the big time Monday Night Raw match. This is how I view it. The whole RFK nonsense is one of the most forced pushes, right now where people online think their internet cred is so fucking genuine that if they hammer home how much the establishment hating RFK, they think it will be true and it has never felt so much like a parody and at least 10-20 years ago it came off more genuine even though it is always kind of been sports entertainment even if it symbolized evil or good. Like Sinead O’Connor knowing her career was gonna drop off and she went out like a G with ripping up the pope’s picture and the people who the mainstream supported like Madonna and Pesci coming off like baby faces back then because they could convince people that Sinead was the one out of line, but now that we are more socially conscious or at least we think so, now Sinead is the biggest babyface while Pesci and Madonna are the heels, and I am sure since cancelation is designed and scripted to happen, I am sure this is where we find out Pesci has some shadiness that he has done that will get marketed for the online entertainment dollar. Everything is for the entertainment dollar, we are now doing news stories about rappers' numbers dropping from their live streams because it is levitated with comedy. This is how gimmicked a lot of the shit is. There is also this continuation of using celebs, who are not like regular people or play by regular rules, who get used as cogs so it helps manufacture consent to basically push back on anything progressive in this world so we go back to the stone ages mentally. This is why this sports entertainment is leading to dangerous places all over the fucking board. I know this feels like I am jumping from thought to thought but I just look at shit in an overall pattern and the design of what is being normalized until we move onto whatever the next phase is, like putting out limited hangout UFO discussion where they are making it seem like this is the distraction from whatever story you are using. Like “OH MY GOD CNN’S FRONT PAGE IS NOT TALKING ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE BUT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT KEVIN SPACEY, THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT KEVIN SPACEY BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT YOU TO TALK ABOUT HUNTER BIDEN, THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT HUNTER BIDEN BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT YOU TO TALK ABOUT UFOS OR EPSTEINS’ CLIENT LIST” Even though everyone online is talking about all the fucking topics, there all right there. What is with this need to act like the legacy media that exists at this point just for their name, to constantly be used so people who made their entire personality “MSM won’t be talking about this” have to constantly use to show their takes are credible even though they also limit the fucking narratives themselves. All of this shit is being talked about, you can’t brag about how Joe Rogan and Tucker get all these fucking views and downloads over CNN or other establishment media, and then claim your opinion and narratives are what the system don’t want you to know about. I have been hearing about fucking Hunter Biden since 2019. It has been everywhere. I don’t even watch MSM unless it is something some of these alt media dorks want to fucking dunk on, and it comes off like any fucking promotion outside WWE wants to take a shot at the obvious and transparent villains. I think the UFO shit is gimmicked, like I believe aliens and other humans have been traveling from planet to planet for a while now. I feel like certain powerful people have been heading out for the last decade especially. I think these hearings are gonna be planting the narratives that something is gonna be organized to happen because pretty soon we are gonna have a situation where the world completely implodes. See this is a case of the blog going too long and I am going into my theories about advancements being in public figures and the potential of clones existing. That Mitch McConnell shit, I don’t know if it a clone malfunctioning or his MK Ultra acting up but they have been compiling those for a while back in the 2010’s. One of the bigger examples back then was the one with Al Roker where he completely froze out of nowhere. Maybe they are marketing that too, and maybe all these celebs are now fucking with us because it represents some craziness is gonna be revealed and what could possibly be fucking crazy in this era when we have seen it all, I mean the super natural and advanced shit has to be next, they already took scandals that used to be big blows to people’s lives and careers and have made it feel useless even though those are still horrible offense, but it is like they took all those over the years and are making it so meaningless they dumped it all in one storyline with George Santos. So what could possibly be next? Politicians having physical altercations, finding out people are faking their death, finding out they are cloning people, finding out aliens have always existed. They will use entertainment to put those themes out and then expect us not to fucking go there mentally while people who think they are smarter get to look down at people for being more conspiratorial. I know there are people who go more right wing with their theories but I use my conspiratorial mind to get me in progressive headspace, like fear mongering about retail theft being organized but using a foreign boogeyman organizing this and still wanting more punishment for the cogs, when you could maybe kind of theorize that maybe billionaires and these company owners are organizing chaos because it is like an ironic advertisement on social media while also manufacturing consent for people to be scared about this crime and theft going on and I personally feel it is organized by very right wing people to make it look like the thoughts of asking for police defunding seems like a scary thing even though most cities have increased funding for police etc. Maybe people with power have investment in organizing and funding crime and if that was the case, wouldn’t you want more exposition on who is doing it since they are the ones causing all of this? Why would you want most of the punishment on the cogs? There seems to be faction warfare and bad faith actors will blindly be against certain institutions blindly and not look at how there are factions of people who are not all on the same side because it feels like the billionaires funding shit want their enemies gone but under the guise of “all cops are evil” you can do it during this time because of the transparent shit they are doing on camera. Like people want to get conspiratorial about Obama’s cook, who they suddenly have videos of swimming and he drowned in shallow water etc, and the obvious shit would be that Obamas are covering shit and if they legit wanted covered up, we would not know about any of it so the fact that it is there, it feels like it is supposed to exist for a true crime exercise from these far right wing people. I could buy that powerful people are living in a mafia underworld where there is fucked up shit going on, but people then limit the possibilities, like yeah maybe Obamas are covering something but I could also then theorize that if there is faction warfare going on, who is to say that people who they are opposing tried to strike at them and they ended up getting the cook, or how about if the cook was a plant who tried to go at them and they defended themselves by self defense. Now I am not saying any of these theories are fucking true but if you are going to be a conspiracy theorist, why is it so fucking limited. See I think these people are not living regular lives, and I feel on some level it is more like the “The Boys” minus all the super hero presentation, kind of like a Sopranos delegation setting. And people think by acting like Clintongs having a body count that no one else on their side could ever have a body count. If someone who was a cook for Trump had died in a pool, I bet they would already talk about how Biden had Trump’s cook killed or some shit. Again I am not saying these theories are true, but it is amazing how obvious all of this is becoming for the discourse. Just like all these fucking stories of athletes having some physical shit happena and it predictably gets blamed on the vaccine. Now if you go by my theory that these athletes are taking some enhancements or they are a lot more advanced than regular human beings, maybe some malfunctioning is going on and the right wing is marketing it as more vaccine problems. I feel these celebs have connections to the cures and best medicine so maybe they don’t need a vaccine themselves but their whole anti vaccine stance to relate to regular people is a way to get regular people not to want to take the vaccine because something more dangerous is gonna come around for the next pandemic, and this has helped kind of as a trial run for for the worst to come because when the worst comes, people are not gonna want to get vaccinated. I know if you are smart and know the science and can understand, I will take my dumbed down ass and come up with a conspiracy to see the anti vaccine propaganda, I think whatever social media currency or money under the table they are getting is a lot more than getting to go on a highly platformed person like Tucker Carlson to kind of talk about how much money you turned down because of not taking the vaccine. Okay sure, but tell me how much you are getting for this gimmick change. For some reason because it is consumed online it means that it is the 90’s and this must be underground shit going on. Anyways listen I am all over the fucking place. I should stop now but with this strike going on and AI writing most of the television and movies, the entertainment is gonna be on another level with social media and the celebs doing shit on there and also with the politicians. We have basically are living in a fucking LARP society now and like I have always said, it would be entertaining if it wasn’t so tragic because people’s lives are on the line, more people will continue to be oppressed and it all gets determined by sports entertainment personas because we live in a exploitative society. Anyways, anything I have said in this blog etc I don’t know for sure. Go listen to experts, I am not one obviously. Look at me. I have the aesthetic of all the bad things you expect from someone. This is just mentally ill drivel. I have to put it down because I have to beat my haters to the fucking punch, even though they will try something else. As crazy as anything I have said in this fucking blog or say on my podcast, it will always be more compelling than anything on the Stern Show sub reddit. Go ahead and give me your gripping analysis on the layers of the Shuli vs Stuttering John feud.

[destinyimage]

Demon Attacks! Sickness, Sleep Paralysis, & More

The problems of sickness and disease can’t be classified as a stronghold, because they aren’t necessarily always the result of deception.

Still, I wanted to address the problem of sickness because I know that many wonder about the potentially demonic aspects of sickness. Sickness can be demonic, but not all sickness is demonic. The attack of sickness is similar to the stronghold of addiction in that it affects the physical body. Unlike addiction, it doesn’t always result from the choices we make. Sure, many of the health and dietary choices we make can cause us to be more vulnerable to sickness. But sickness can also come at random. Sickness can be a demonic attack, but it can also be of natural origin. So it’s important to understand the nuances between sickness that is completely a demonic attack and sick- ness that comes about as a result of simply existing in the natural world.

Demonic Attack

Demons cannot physically harm born-again believers, except for in two ways. Demons can physically attack the believer with sickness, and demons can physically attack the believer by means of a demonically influenced individual. In either case, in order to physically attack a Christian, a demon must use something that physically exists in this world. Demons cannot directly touch the believer, like in the case of demonic possession. If they want to bring harm to our physical bodies, demons must use one of these two extensions—sickness or a person who is demonically influenced.

First, let’s look at how demons can use sickness. Sickness is a reality of the fallen world. Though not every sickness is directly brought about by a specific sin, sickness only exists in the first place because sin has come into this world. Demons can use the existence of sickness in this world to come against a believer’s physical body. Though an Old Testament example, Job’s sickness illustrates how this might look.

Satan replied to the Lord, “Skin for skin! A man will give up everything he has to save his life. But reach out and take away his health, and he will surely curse you to your face!” “All right, do with him as you please,” the Lord said to Satan. “But spare his life.” So Satan left the Lord’s presence, and he struck Job with terrible boils from head to foot (Job 2:4-7 NLT).

We should note that though demons can use sickness against believers, a sickness is different from a demon. The Bible draws a clear distinction between the two. Demons are sentient beings, while sickness is simply a disorder of the body. Possession is when a demonic being takes up residence in your body and takes over some of your physical capacities—like a parasite. When someone is possessed, the person is said to have a demon inside. On the other hand, when someone is sick, the person is said to have a sickness. So a sickness is not the same thing as a demon.

Additionally, a demon doesn’t need to possess, oppress, or enter a believer to cause sickness in a believer. Sickness is an attack that can be used against you from the outside. Sickness can be sent into the body, but this doesn’t mean that the demon enters with it.

Second, let’s look at how demons can use a demonically influenced person. To illustrate this, I simply need to point out the various martyrs in Scripture. Stephen was stoned. John was beheaded. Jesus was crucified. These murderous acts were carried out by people who were under the influence of demonic power. Christians are not immune to violence, unless God miraculously intervenes, as He sovereignly does in some instances.

In conclusion, if a demon wants to physically harm a Christian, it must use its influence over a demonically bound individual or use a sickness. Both of these are things which exist in the physical world. Neither being attacked by a violent demoniac nor being sick is the equivalent of being possessed.

What About Sleep Paralysis?

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So if demonic beings can only physically harm believers indirectly through sickness and demonically influenced people, what about sleep paralysis? Many believers report similar accounts of resting in bed and then suddenly being held down or even choked by a demon—only to be released when declaring the name of Jesus. There are countless reports like these, so we can’t just dismiss this shocking reality. What we can do is describe it in a way that’s consistent with Scripture.

First, don’t you think it’s odd that if demons can physically harm or grab Spirit-filled Christians that they always seem to do so in the exact same way, over and over again? Why do they only choke the believer? Why don’t they ever finish the job? Why do they seem to wait until the believer is in bed? Why wouldn’t they attack the body of the believer in other ways? I mean, if demons truly had the power to directly harm the born-again believer’s physical body, then why do they only seem to do so while the believer is in a half-asleep state?

Here’s why: sleep paralysis is part demonic, part biological. I know that doesn’t sound right but allow me to explain. I’m going to show you just how deceptive and sneaky the enemy is.

Let’s first address the biological aspect. To keep you from moving while you dream, your body actually paralyzes itself every single night. You can research this fact. This isn’t always completely successful, as you might know from twitching or kicking in your sleep. But this is your body’s natural attempt at keeping you from disturbing yourself while you sleep—so that when you dream of running, jumping, fighting or something like that, you don’t thrash about and wake yourself up. Yes, every night your body paralyzes itself while you sleep.

Sometimes, your brain thinks you’re still asleep even when you’re waking up. It’s at this moment that you become aware while still being unable to move.

A study done by Texas A&M University explained that “Sleep paralysis is an episode where your brain tells the body that you’re still in the rapid eye movement (REM) stage of sleep in which the limbs are temporarily paralyzed (to prevent physically acting out dreams), heart rate and blood pressure rise, and breathing becomes more irregular and shallow. This is the stage of sleep where your most vivid dreams occur, which can explain why some people may hallucinate during sleep paralysis.”

When you wake up before your body can switch out of REM sleep mode, the paralysis stays in place, and you are left consciously suffering through the terror of it. Since this is the sleep phase, you are very likely to see things around you that are not actually in the physical realm.

So the paralysis itself, along with the increased heart rate and shallow breath, are biological. This occurs simply because you’ve become awake and alert while your body is still in deep sleep mode.

This is when the demonic attacks begin. Remember, demons love to exaggerate their power over you, and they wait to attack until you are in a vulnerable state. When you’re experiencing sleep paralysis, your mind is awake, but your body is still asleep. It’s at this point that the enemy can speak lies, causing deceptive projections and sounds. It’s in this terrifying moment that the enemy can cause you to see and hear demonic entities. So even though you’re being “held down” by your body’s own natural sleep state, the enemy can make it seem as though you’re being held down by a demonic being, thus exaggerating its power. So the biological aspect is the paralysis itself, but the demonic aspect is found in the projections the enemy creates during sleep paralysis.

I know this isn’t the popular explanation for sleep paralysis, but it is the biblically consistent one.

Consider this too: one of the known ways to break out of sleep paralysis is to take control of your breathing. Because breathing is both a voluntary and involuntary bodily function, when you take control of your breathing, your body receives the signal that you’re awake. This is partly why the paralysis is broken the moment you are finally able to open your mouth to pray.

Then the devil laughs at us for believing it was all him. It was partly him, but only the fear part. The demons that lie to you celebrate the fact that you now believe they have more power than they actually do. Then you become worried. You think, Oh no! The devil physically attacked me! His power is increasing over me. What door did I open? Where did I go wrong? Did God lift His protection from me?

And then what happens? You worry. You obsess over the idea that you’ve become more susceptible to attack. You go looking at click-bait YouTube videos and reading fearmongering articles on how the devil has more power over you now. Because of the fear, you become more exhausted, and exhaustion is a major contributing factor to sleep paralysis. So the cycle continues. You go down deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole. This is a perfect example of how the devil actually does attack Christians—he uses deception.

Because of my severe anxiety, there was a season of my life when I was experiencing sleep paralysis almost every night. I found that exhaustion, eating too close to bedtime, and sleeping on my back were natural factors. I also found that fear and believing the lies of the enemy were spiritual factors. I actually overcame the demonic aspect before I was able to overcome the physical aspect. Once I realized that the enemy couldn’t touch me, the demonic visuals and sounds no longer accompanied my sleep paralysis episodes. In fact, toward the end of the struggle, I would experience sleep paralysis with no fear or demonic visuals. I recall just lying in bed frozen, thinking to myself, Well, here we go again. Time to take control of my breathing. I didn’t fight the paralysis or try to move, which actually just makes it worse. Instead, I stood calm, thanked the Lord for His protection, and slowly began to take control of my breath. Peace and faith caused the paralysis to lift. Eventually it stopped altogether, as I was no longer exhausted due to the fear of the sleep paralysis itself. So while the enemy can use sleep paralysis as an opportunity to exaggerate his power, sleep paralysis is not an example of a demonic being actually being able to harm you or even touch you physically. It is a biological occurrence that the enemy seizes upon with frightening visuals and sounds—projections without a punch. Your body is the Holy Spirit’s temple.

Natural and Demonic

So sickness is one of the enemy’s only options for attacking the physical body of the believer. We know that sickness can be the result of demonic attack, but are there any biblical examples of sickness being of natural origin? Consider Epaphroditus.

Meanwhile, I thought I should send Epaphroditus back to you. He is a true brother, co-worker, and fellow soldier. And he was your messenger to help me in my need. I am sending him because he has been longing to see you, and he was very distressed that you heard he was ill. And he certainly was ill; in fact, he almost died. But God had mercy on him—and also on me, so that I would not have one sorrow after another (Philippians 2:25-27 NLT).

Epaphroditus didn’t fully recover immediately, even though it’s likely that Paul himself prayed for him. Epaphroditus actually came close to death before he was healed. Timothy likewise suffered from a natural sickness. Paul wrote to Timothy about help for his stomach problem.

Don’t drink only water. You ought to drink a little wine for the sake of your stomach because you are sick so often (1 Timothy 5:23 NLT).

So in Timothy’s case, there was no divine healing. Paul instead told him to use a medicinal approach. Paul didn’t get on Timothy’s case telling him to get rid of a demonic influence in his life; he instructed him to use a natural remedy for a sickness that was of natural origin. So obviously, the sickness was not demonic in nature.

This raises the question, “How can I know the difference between a sickness that is demonic in nature and a sickness that is of natural origin?” Discerning the difference between demonic sickness and natural sickness is as simple as addressing the sickness from both angles. You can learn how to do that in my new book:

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[laughing-with-god]

The Unsaid Vow (Prologue)

Synopsis- You always knew when you weren't wanted. And the way things are going in your marriage with Jungkook, a divorce is looking more and more likely. While he's getting closer to a woman at work that you're certain he's having an affair with, you're planning your escape with your four-year-old son. However, five years of marriage did not expose you to a certain side of your husband. A side of Jungkook that only gets triggered when you try to leave and break apart your perfect 'family'.

Warnings- Yandere behavior, graphic language, violence/murder, women bashing on other women, heavily implied infidelity, bad parenting, absent father, broken family vibes, very slow buildup bc Jungkook doesn't really snap until you leave him so just give him a min lol, inexperienced author writing for a four-year-old (I never wrote for a kid before pls gimme a break), also I chose my future son's name for this fic but pls feel free to name him whatever you want :)

Slow burn Yandere Husband Jungkook

Word Count; 5.4k

Unlike the vast majority of married couples, neither you nor Jungkook donned wedding rings.

Never in your five years of marriage did you regret this decision, given it was brought upon by you and your husband’s lack of funds for fancy wedding bands at the time of your rushed marriage.

Well, you were never annoyed....until tonight, that is.

The scene before you was exceptionally intimate, so much so that you felt the instinctual need to look away in respect of the two before you.

The woman was gorgeous, effortlessly attracting all the attention the small conference room had to offer. In addition to this natural charisma spurred on by her borderline enchanting looks, her short and skin-tight red dress showed off her pleasantly curvy body. Her long, silky, and jet-black hair was pulled back into an elegant ponytail that provided a simple background for her darling features. Utterly doll-like was her face; petite, creamy in complexion with bright doe eyes and berry-pink lips.

Such a beautiful woman was currently in the arms of an equally, if not more so, attractive man.

He was tall and slender, yet not at all lanky given his sturdy build that was a testament to his strict workout regime. His olive skin was complimented with occasional tattoos, a mix of faded and fresh ink that you knew like the back of your hand despite only the tats on his hand currently showing in his crisp Valentino suit. His mid-length inky black hair was down to frame his sharp face, and indeed it was a very handsome one consisting of full eyebrows, bow-like lips, a fleshy yet impish nose, and two large, yet seemingly bottomless, raven orbs.

This man had his arms encircling the middle of the mysterious woman, her expression lifting into a light-hearted giggle as she leaned forward to whisper something in his ear.

Whatever she said must’ve been amusing to the man, given his usual stoic facade briefly melted away as he allowed a small smile at her words, his pearly round teeth peeking out for a split-second appearance.

If you didn’t know any better, you would have thought that these two were lovers.

But there was only one problem with this scene.

That was your husband, Jungkook.

And that woman in his arms was not you.

As if sensing your distress and wanting to soothe your well-founded suspicion, Jungkook pulled away from the woman and ran his gaze across the room- only stopping when he spotted you. Your spouse then gestured at you, the girl following his line of sight and landing on you and your pitiful spot by the snack table. Her joyful expression briefly dropped for a blink-and-you'll-miss-it second, but she quickly plastered on another grin and nodded. The two then strode their way over to you, barely giving you enough time to steel your nerves and muster a polite purse of the lips.

Before you knew it, the woman was right in front of you with your partner at her side instead of yours. Much to your dismay, she was only more attractive up close, and you narrowly held back a grimace as she held out a hand in introduction. You took it and shook it lifelessly.

“Hello, you must be Mrs. Jeon. I’m Sana, Jungkook’s colleague.” Even her voice was pretty, musical and light to the ears.

“H-Hi, nice to meet you but please call me Y/n.” A brief and awkward pause as Sana briefly sized you up and down. “Um, Jungkook has never mentioned you….” you trailed off, side-eyeing your husband in hopes he would intervene and add context to this random goddess he’s thrust upon you.

Jungkook gracefully took his cue and explained, “Sana transferred from another branch out of the city and has only been with us for five months. I’m her case supervisor and have been taking care of her, showing her the ropes and whatnot.”

Sana didn’t even spare you a glance as she fondly looked up at your husband, coyly biting her lip and saying in a much softer tone that could've been just for his ears only, “And he’s been really good at taking care of me.”

You didn’t consider yourself a jealous stay-at-home wife who obsessed over the tiniest details between her husband and other women, but the double meaning behind her badly-whispered comment was enough to make you splutter in disbelief. However before you could even gather up the courage to ask just what the hell ‘taking care of me’ consisted of, two new faces waltzed up and joined the conversation.

“Are you all enjoying this fabulous Christmas party?” A tall, broad-shouldered but nice-looking man asked in a tone of familiar amicability.

You thankfully smiled up at him, having met him many times before.

His name was Jin, and he was the one who got Jungkook this job.

It occurred about five years ago when you first told Jungkook that you were pregnant. Being the romantic but overall good guy that Jungkook was, he insisted that you two get married so that your child could have parents who were at least husband and wife. In addition it would also lessen the judgment in your two families, which at the time was extremely appealing to you. You had agreed to marry on one condition: after running to the courthouse you two would need to move in together in a decent apartment with a room for the nursery. But getting an apartment would mean month-to-month rent, and Jungkook’s tattooing gigs weren’t stable enough to ensure that.

Jin was originally a friend of Jungkook’s older brother, but when he heard through the grapevine about the issue, he bought Jungkook a couple of suits and offered him a job at the corporation he worked at.

Now Jungkook made more than enough money to support your little family, and it was all because Jin took a chance on a college drop-out and his knocked-up girlfriend.

You opened your mouth to respond but were cut off by the unknown lady beside Jin.

“I’d say a little too much fun if anything. Sana and Jungkook, we get that you're the infamous office couple but maybe tone it down a bit, huh?” She joked while raising her brows at the close proximity between the two.

A long and tortuous silence swept the scene.

Jin glanced at you, pity swimming in his usually carefree eyes.

Not trusting your voice to say anything and desperately wanting to hide your face from the piercing eyes, you distracted yourself by taking calculated sips of watered-down eggnog.

“Daehyun...this is actually Y/n, Jungkook’s wife,” Jin told the lady in an uncomfortable voice.

You didn’t know what stung more, the fact that this stranger thought that there was more chemistry between Sana and your husband than with you, or that it was Jin who corrected this mistake and not Jungkook himself.

“O-Oh, well it’s nice to meet you.” Daehyun awkwardly said to you while avoiding direct eye contact.

You offered a tight smile, “Pleasure.”

Whatever gratitude you could’ve had for Daehyun’s clear embarrassment quickly vanished when the woman went on to continue, “I’m sorry. Jungkook never mentioned being married and he doesn’t wear a ring so I didn’t even know. I bet it must be interesting for his housewife to meet his office wife though, right?”

She laughed, not realizing that she only succeeded in putting a foot in her mouth right before stomping it all over your pesky little heart. The group didn’t seem to share your uneasiness, all three of them politely chuckling along to the lukewarm joke at your expense. Once again, you focused on your dwindling beverage to avoid the burden of speaking or even facing them directly, too scared that your miserable expression would be unanimously inspected.

“Well, we just came over to recruit you all for some karaoke!” Jin cheerfully announced, clearly trying to change the subject, “There’s a machine in the break-out room and it’s more fun to sing with a group.”

“More like you want an audience.” Jungkook wittingly teased, a handsome smirk on his face as Sana playfully scolded him with a push to the chest.

“I’ll take your jabs now Kookie because I know they stem from your insecurity that I can actually upstage you in the vocals department.” Jin rebutted in good nature, even letting your husband’s old nickname slip.

Daehyun and Sana both guffawed at this declaration, exaggerated disbelief present on their faces.

“Jungkook is the best singer in the office. He’ll upstage you without even trying.” Daehyun said in a tenor of utter confidence.

“Only one way to find out!” Jin brushed the comment off, pointing to the direction of the assumed breakout room, “Karaoke anyone?”

The so-called office wife nodded enthusiastically, taking your husband’s arm and looking up at him to plead, “Can we do a duet of that one song we like?”

Jungkook, for the first time in seemingly hours, shot you with a questioning gaze.

Be married to someone for a while and you’ll learn how to decipher what they’re trying to say with just mere looks. Your husband was wordlessly inquiring if you were going to join, if he should go along with the group or if you two should break away and do something else.

The ball was finally in your court.

Not wanting to be rude but needing to get away from these people before you lost your cool, you decided on a subtle excuse.

“I need a refill, but maybe we can meet you all later?” You said, shaking your empty paper cup as if to prove your case.

“Oh, well the drinks are right behind you.” Sana condescendingly pointed out, tightening her hold on your husband and began steering him towards the exit, “We’ll save a seat for you.”

Bewildered, you watched as Jungkook obediently followed her lead with the Daehyun girl trailing behind.

He didn’t even spare you a glance.

You wanted to be angry.

You wanted to storm up to your husband, yank him out of the clutches of his colleagues and practically drag him back home under the premise that he would never speak to Sana ever again.

But instead of a righteous rage fueled by the marital vows you two took, utter exhaustion bestowed upon you and prevented any instigation on your part.

Maybe earlier in your marriage you would’ve fought for his attention, but now you simply just wanted to go home and lick your wounds with the help of a Ben and Jerry’s ice cream while self-obsessing over Sana’s outrageous attractiveness. After all, who could blame any hot-blooded man for choosing that goddess over you? What could you possibly do but lean back and accept that she was the obvious choice?

Other than her being a knockout beauty while you were merely average on your best day, she had other qualities that made her a more appealing catch. She was most likely younger than you, obviously fit, more ambitious and professionally driven than you, and presumably has no kids.

Meanwhile, you were just an old stay-at-home mom who lived off of her husband’s paychecks while he fucked his coworkers behind her oblivious back.

Before you could draw more detailed comparisons between Sana and yourself, you felt a large hand place itself on the middle of your back, successfully guiding your attention to the only person who bothered staying by your side.

Jin smiled sadly at you, sympathy shadowing his expression as he gestured with his other hand to the empty cup still in your hold. “Let’s get you some more eggnog.”

You nodded wordlessly, still speechless from the interaction, and allowed the taller man to guide you towards the snack table. Jin then took your cup and refilled it himself, providing you the opportunity to pick at the catered food in some cheap attempt at stress eating. By the time Jin came back with a full cup, you were halfway done with a sugar cookie and eyeing the meatballs next.

“Here ya go,” Jin said as he handed over the drink to you. You took it and nodded in thanks but kept your eyes glued to the food, not wanting him to see just how defeated and tired your face probably was. But, Jin wasn’t going to let the whole thing go. “Y/n….I know what you saw and heard looks really bad but trust me….nothing is going on between Sana and Jungkook.”

You snorted. “It doesn’t just look bad, Jin. It was like they were practically rubbing it in my face. Him having an affair isn’t the problem, it’s the way they’re not even bothering to keep it down. The least they could do is be discreet.”

Jin’s jaw slightly dropped, “‘Him having an affair isn’t the problem’? Y/n, do you even hear yourself? Of course that would be a problem! Do you not care about your own marriage anymore?”

And there it was.

The big question.

Did you truly even care about this marriage?

Well, let’s look at the facts.

One: The disrespect of his alleged mistress was more offensive to you than the fact that she was a mistress.

Two: Jungkook dragging you along to this office Christmas party was the first time in over a year that he bothered to take you out.

Three: You two had humble beginnings and could barely afford food, much less wedding bands when you first got married, but now he was a very wealthy man and had no excuse for not buying you or himself a ring. Unless, of course, he enjoyed acting single around other women.

Four: And on top of all this, it had to be factored in how distant he has been with overwhelming work hours that prevented any alone time with your husband. Sex with Jungkook has been off the table for almost a year now.

But did any of this really bother you until tonight? The answer was a resounding no. You were willing to take all those burdens in stride but tonight it wasn’t just about the fact that you were the unwanted wife Jungkook got sacked with, it was the fact that you were humiliated and forced to face the type of girl Jungkook should’ve been married to all along. That was all you were truly upset about.

The conclusion that you indeed didn’t care about your marriage and haven’t in some time now hit you in a sudden wave, but in no way were you shocked.

Voice shaky and brittle, you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with Jin and say the one thing you always secretly thought but never dared utter out loud. “I-I guess I always expected it to end like this. When we were younger, he was always the popular one and all the girls wanted him. We were only dating for three months when I got pregnant, and if it weren’t for our son he probably would’ve dumped me eventually and left for another girl. But, he stuck around for his kid because he’s a good father. And I’ve been nothing but a burden to him for a while now.”

Tears began to blur your vision, forcing you to quickly duck down and quietly sip at your drink so as to not embarrass yourself even more.

You heard a shuffle and suddenly Jin was holding you, using both of his lengthy arms to cage you in and rest you against his broad chest. It had been a long time since a man had held you like that, and you practically went boneless at the contact. You closed your eyes and tried to will away the incoming tears, even going so far as to solely focus on the scent of Jin’s cologne as he soothingly said, “Y/n, listen closely to what I’m about to say. You and Hugo were never a burden to Jungkook, and you two never will be. Your marriage was sudden, but it doesn’t make it less valid than any other marriage out there. Jungkook has been with you for so long, he just doesn’t realize when other women are interested in him because he’s been off the market forever. But I promise you, if I knew for even a second that he cheated, I would tell you right away.”

You didn’t say anything.

Although Jin’s words were comforting, they weren’t necessarily true. A marriage that started from a healthy courtship and true love instead of inconvenient circumstances was of course more valid than yours. And even though you were sure of Jin’s honesty and loyalty to you, Jungkook could’ve easily kept his affair secret from Jin as well.

However, you didn’t wish to concern Jin anymore. You already put him through too much awkwardness tonight and didn’t want to keep him by your side as some sort of emotional sponsor any longer than you already have. Jin always loved parties and was the life of any one he was invited to, even if it was just a lame annual office gathering. You then felt guilty for putting Jin in a situation where he would even have to console you when he should be out enjoying karaoke with the rest of his coworkers.

You promptly pulled away from Jin and wiped at your face. He released you and also took a step back, carefully studying you for any signs of further turmoil. Once sure that your face was acceptably dry, you gazed back up at him and offered a thankful smile. “Thanks Jin, I’m sorry I just dumped all of that on you. I really have to use the ladies' room though, can you point me to it?”

“It’s right by the conference room,” Jin informed, pointing out the general direction for you. You nodded and took a few steps toward it before he grasped your wrist to stop you and ask, “Do you want me to wait for you?”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll just find you and Jungkook when I’m out. Go and join the others for karaoke.”

Jin nodded but seemed unsure.

You didn’t look back to see if he actually went to follow the others, instead just advancing to the restrooms, secretly looking forward to some alone time even if it had to come from a public bathroom.

Once you entered the restroom you were relieved to find it completely empty, you weren’t sure if you could handle another run-in with Jungkook’s female colleagues. They all seemed to have a personal vendetta against you.

Instantly, you dashed to the mirror to inspect your makeup, assuming at least the mascara was ruined from your little cry. Thankfully, the damage was minimal and you were able to clean the smudges up with a damp napkin. You focused all your attention on the dreadfully small task, trying not to study your reflection too much given it would just conjure up more mental comparisons to all the other prettier women you encountered that night.

Yet the small task couldn’t last a lifetime, and you had to resort to looking at your phone in search of things to do. You weren’t emotionally ready to go out and search for your husband, so you wanted to prolong your time in the bathroom. Although it hasn’t been that long since you left the house, you decided to text the babysitter for any updates about your son.

To Emily: Hey, is everything okay with Hugo?

It only took about 40 seconds for the teenage neighbor girl to text back an answer, clearly on top of things and overly eager to provide any updates.

Emily: Yes! He ate his dinner, took his bath and we’re about to get ready for bed.

Your motherly instincts were satisfied with that response, but it didn’t do anything to subdue your desire to return back home. Your thumbs briefly hovered over the keypad, somewhat hesitant with the next text you were about to send.

To Emily: Great, thanks again for doing this. Listen, I think we might head back home sooner than we thought. Don’t worry tho, I’ll still give you the pay for the full four hours.

Before you could wait for a response from her, the sound of multiple incoming footsteps interrupted the steady silence in the restroom. Muffled female conversation could also be heard, the slight laughter and bickering amongst a group of women approaching the bathroom. Your fight or flight instinct was triggered, and to avoid any more awkward encounters you rushed to the nearest stall and shut the door- fully prepared to wait out the faceless group of female colleagues.

You heard the restroom door swish open before the women burst in, chatting and giggling with their heels clicking against the tile floor. One of the unknown females made way to the stall beside you, the others presumably hovering by the mirror if the sudden comments about their appearances were anything to go by. You quietly sighed and pulled out your phone again, ready to drown out their office politics talk.

Only for the conversation to somehow steer towards you.

“Did you see her?”

“Of course, I was very confused, to be honest.” One of them replied. “I mean….look at Jungkook and you just assume that whoever he’s with is drop-dead gorgeous, and she was just eh.”

“Yeah, she was pretty plain. What was her name again?”

“Y/n.” A third voice cut in, this one eerily familiar to you.

You glued a hand over your mouth to silence your gasp.

It was Sana.

“Did he ever mention her around you? You are the closest to him in the office Sana, and we didn’t even know he had a wife until tonight.”

“No, I didn’t know until tonight either.”

“What?! That’s insane. Literally all the time he spends with you: getting coffee, buying you lunch, driving you home after late nights, and he conveniently never mentions that he has a wife at home?”

“That’s suspicious. But I guess if I had a dog like that at home, I’d never mention her either.”

Cruel laughter from all of them.

The toilet from the stall next to you flushed, then opened as a new voice entered the discussion while she approached the sinks.

“It’s more than suspicious. He doesn’t even wear a wedding ring. And he’s so close to Sana but never mentioned that he’s married?” A pause as she washed her hands. “It’s obvious what he’s trying to do. Jungkook is trying to have an affair with Sana.”

Although this exchange was extremely hurtful to you, you felt somewhat relieved that you weren’t the only one to see what your husband was doing.

A pause hung in the air as none of the women spoke for a minute, they were willing to gossip but apparently outright declaring the obvious was a step too far for them.

Eventually, one of them chimed in with their own observation.

“Can you blame him? Sana you’re the most beautiful person in the office and you look so good next to him anyway. Much better than that cow Y/n.”

Another round of obnoxious laughter that broke your heart.

“C’mon guys. We gotta head back. Jungkook is gonna get anxious if Sana is away for too long.” Someone teased.

They all murmured in agreement, heading towards the exit as a group before one stopped them with a final question.

“Wait, Sana. If Jungkook does want to have an affair with you, what are you going to do?”

Although you couldn’t physically see Sana, you practically heard the smirk on her face as she said, “Who says we already aren’t having one?”

--

Needless to say, you ditched the Christmas party almost immediately after the bathroom incident.

You texted Jungkook a white lie about Emily struggling with Hugo, although a good father would’ve known something was up because your son had never given babysitters any trouble before. But luckily, your husband also wasn’t doing so hot in the dad department either.

You would’ve felt bad for not telling the truth if the truth wasn’t so fucking embarrassing.

“Hey, I’m gonna go home to cry like a little girl because I caught your coworkers talking shit about me. Oh, and also your little girlfriend accidentally let it slip that you’ve been fucking her this whole time. K talk to ya later!”

You grimaced at the thought of actually sending that text.

Sure it’s what that cheating bastard deserves, but you just weren’t emotionally ready for that fight yet. Especially after the night you endured, you needed some time to pick yourself up and figure out what to do next.

Divorce was the next logical step, but you were financially dependent on Jungkook. If you moved out and took Hugo with you, where would you two stay? How could you afford to be a single parent? And if Jungkook were to try to fight you for custody or the divorce in general, you would need a damn good lawyer. Unfortunately, lawyers weren’t cheap, especially one that stood a chance against Jungkook and all his wealth.

Your shoulders sagged with the imaginary weight of all these burdens.

When you entered the high-rise penthouse that you called home, you were surprised to see Emily anxiously pacing the foyer in waiting for your arrival.

“Hey, how was Hugo?” You greeted politely, already opening your clutch to pull out the agreed-upon salary.

“M-Mrs. Jeon, I swear I tried to have him in bed by eight like you said but he’s being stubborn and said he won’t go to sleep until you come back and read to him-” The teenager rushed out all at once, clearly nervous that you would scold her.

You held a hand out to stop her rambles, using your other hand to give her the money, and offered her what you hoped was a comforting smile, “It’s okay, Em. Thanks for doing this on such short notice. Why don’t you run home now and try to enjoy your Christmas Eve?”

Emily looked relieved that you weren’t mad, gratefully taking the cash before grabbing her jacket and shoes to make her exit. “Thanks so much for this Mrs. Jeon. Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas.” You farewelled while walking the young girl out, locking the door behind her.

You turned around and proceeded down a long hallway that led to the bedrooms, stopping at the door beside the master room which belonged to your four-year-old son. You opened it to peer inside, the familiar deep blue walls with painted-on sea creatures greeting you back, swiftly reminding you once more of Hugo’s obsession with the ocean.

Your son was bundled up in a twin bed so big that it practically drowned him, his small frame barely being recognizable in the large fish-printed duvet wrapped around his tiny frame, only his small and adorable face peeking out to stare right back at you.

Hugo was essentially a carbon copy of Jungkook. At first you were somewhat resentful about this, how was it possible that you carried a baby for nine months and he came out with absolutely none of your features? But after a while of watching Hugo grow up and come into his own slowly but surely, you were pacified by the conclusion that while he may look exactly like his father, his personality and heart took after you.

“Dumpling, why did Emily say you were giving her a hard time and wouldn’t go to bed?” You asked gently, sitting by his side and petting his black hair.

‘Dumpling’ was a nickname you chose for Hugo since you first found out you were pregnant with him. It stemmed from your sudden pregnancy craving to eat dumplings and nothing else, you once even going two straight weeks surviving off the food. There were many times where Jungkook had to bribe you into eating other things, playing on your guilt for not providing your baby all the nutrition he needed. But even now ‘Dumpling’ still stuck, if Hugo’s chubby cheeks were anything to go by.

“Mommy, I-I’m sorry but-” His big doe eyes looked up at you in teary guilt, “I really needed you here. It was a nece-necess-”

“Necessity, bub.” You finished for him, grinning at his attempt at a big word.

Part of you wanted to scold the boy for being difficult, but you didn’t have the heart to. Lately, Hugo has been more clingy to you than ever before. Yet it was practically impossible to punish him because Hugo has always been a good kid and you knew deep down that he didn’t act out unless there was something else going on. You suspected that it had something to do with the lack of his father’s presence that forced him to hold onto you like his life depended on it.

“Well try not to do it again, okay? Emily is a nice girl and she’s just following my orders when she tells you to go to bed.” You said, ducking down to peck the crown of his head and continue running your fingers through his hair.

Hugo nodded in understanding but ultimately stayed silent, basking in your cuddles.

All was silent for a passing moment, and while Hugo enjoyed his mother’s touch, your mind gradually returned to the turmoil that was your marriage.

A sudden epiphany struck you and bit your lip as you debated an idea.

Should you expose your son to your future plan?

The victim of any divorce has always been the children who were left behind. And the last thing you wanted to do was blindside Hugo. Perhaps you should play the hypothetical game just to see where your son’s head was at? It went without saying that Hugo was closer to you than Jungkook and you were more of a parent than your husband. But still, every kid deserved to have a say in their parents’ divorce.

“Bub, how would you feel if….it was just me and you?” You hesitantly inquired.

“What do you mean mommy?” Hugo titled his head in bewilderment and craned his neck to look back up at you.

“What if me and you went away to live together?” You clarified.

“Like a va-vayca-”

“Vacation? And no. But forever. Just me, you and no one else.” You whispered, as if Jungkook himself would storm in and catch you planning your escape with the toddler.

“Oh.” A pause as you could practically hear the mechanisms in his four-year-old brain trying to work out the logistics of what you just proposed. “Okay.”

The nonchalance in his youthful voice had you taken aback.

“It’s a really big decision, Hugo. You wouldn’t mind...not living with daddy anymore, right? You would hardly ever see him, dumpling.”

The boy shifted to lean more of his body against you, essentially resting against you with his head on your chest as he said, “But it’s like that already, mommy.”

Your heart broke.

You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him closer to you, feeling a maternal instinct to comfort and protect.

“Okay Dumpling. I need you to promise me not to tell daddy what we talked about.”

“”Kay.” Hugo yawned and closed his eyes, inhaling deep breaths of your scent and beginning the process of falling asleep. “When do we leave?”

“It’ll take some time, bub. You start school in a few months, so mommy will try to find a job while you’re there.” You told him, not bothering to try to explain the concept of a lawyer or apartment deposits on top of that. “But we can do this. It has to be a secret but you're my partner in crime.”

“Like spies?”

You chuckled, “Yeah, like spies. Promise to work with mommy in utter secrecy?”

You held up a pinky, one that Hugo grasped with his own.

“Promise.”

Author’s Note:  So....A while ago before I took my long ass hiatus, I did a poll for which yandere story I should write next.  The Unsaid Vow won but that was around the same time that shit hit the fan in my life.  Recently was scrolling through my notes on my phone and found some of the plot points for this story and I needed a lil break from QQ.  Plus I know so many ppl were hyped for this concept so....Here ya go lol.  This is kinda short but it’s just a set up, Chapter one’s plot line will start a few months after this when Hugo will start kindergarten and Y/n will actually start looking in to jobs, lawyers and apartments.  Also I’m sorry but I’m really bad at writing for kids lol, and I absolutely refuse to write that gross ass baby talk so just pretend your son is a lil genius okay? Also srry Once but I needed really pretty girls to be villians in my story so yeah, Twice girls in here aren’t likable but aren’t reflective of how i actually feel about them lol.

Big thanks to @sushireads​ once again for creating the cover art for this fic.  They literally are becoming my go-to for fic art.

And my beta readers @bigbuffjoonie and @mustardpop​! They beta’d for QQ and I came to them really early about this fic.  They were with me since the beginning and have given me advice with creative choices to just simple grammar.  They easily could’ve leaked the first draft of this too but they didn’t and kept it secret for a while.  I was really insecure about getting out of my comfort zone with this plot but they really guided me.