#as a dear friend once put it
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finally got my nose pierced today!!!! i feel my gender achievement meter going up slightly
#pierced#girls with piercings#nose piercing#gay people#gender#gender goals#gender go brrr#kind of a girl#as a dear friend once put it#i am kind of girlypop and kind of just a little guy
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Janeway in 'Nothing Human' vs Tuvok in 'Resolutions' There's something here I know there is I can almost wrap my teeth around it.
#I can't watch Nothing Human bc the puppet really disconcerts me#but I cannot believe Janeway really came into B'Elanna's room after all that and the FIRST thing she says...her OPENER is#'Wow it smells awful in here~!'#DUDE....................TIME AND PLACE#HEHEHHE#C'MON MAN#B'Elanna: Is [putting it behind us] an order? / Janeway [normal!]: Yes.#'And what emotion is that?' C'MON MAN!!!!!!#Janeway & Tuvok#Kathryn Janeway#Tuvok#I can see why she and Tuvok are friends#'I understand you're upset but fall in line'#You can be upset but not if effects your work#<- Something which would be fine on a regular ship but is very difficult on Voyager#I think Janeway's certain coldness or ruthlessness which can be aimed at either friend or foe is an interesting#aspect of her personality#Ex: She and B'Elanna COULD have feasibly had a more touching scene together to close out the episode but they don't#I don't know if I'm explaining myself well right now I'm a bit ill and more than a bit tired#Something about uhh maybe....people under their command vehemently and emotionally disagreeing with them/their decisions??#you can disagree with me but not if you don't follow me anyway#Voyager a ship full of contradictions#they have to all work together and they are all closer emotionally than any other starship due to their situation#but they are also still 'at work' and are expected to follow orders. It's like a 'casual' hierarchy but it's still a hierarchy#and you can't fall too far out of line bc you're someone dear to me#but you're also a valued cog in the machine#and even though you ARE valued you ARE still a cog in the machine#but you're also my dear friend. and all of these things are true at once.#all of that of course but also Janeway & Tuvok are displaying a very particular kind of shared leadership style in these moments#Janeway is obviously on the whole MUUUCH more charismatic and understanding than Tuvok but still - when push comes to shove...
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Tag drop: Aventurine.
#aventurine. [ mr. cavalier gambler: uptight. overcautious. inferiority complex. you've won so much but you're still so afraid of losing. ]#aventurine: ic. [ they see only the straight flush. they don't know the other hand below the table clutching your chips for dear life. ]#aventurine: inquiries. [ time to make a move my friend. say goodbye before you shuffle off. it's… best to die without regrets. ]#aventurine: countenance. [ now go. and pick the clothes that you like. then choose your desired identity and use them well. ]#aventurine: introspection. [ “sleep is the rehearsal of death”? why does life slumber? because we are not ready for the final rest. ]#aventurine: meta. [ the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. but you've never gone in any other direction. ]#aventurine: little notes. [ you will keep winning; having never lost before. but why you? why... must it be you? ]#aventurine: wishes. [ even if the chance of winning is close to zero. well... you can't win if you don't play; right? ]#aventurine: etc. [ the chance… no matter how small: the potential is what you hang onto. that is what justifies the gamble. ]#aventurine: ipc. [ … i'll give you that and much more than that. the ipc will give you whatever you want. even what you don't want. ]#aventurine: trio. [ three cornerstones who for a measly penacony... offered their everything. you're more united than the family. ]#aventurine: astral express. [ friends: the game has commenced and you cannot choose to decline… nor do you have grounds to. ]#aventurine: fate. [ if the dice of fate are always weighted then that is our destiny. why then... do we struggle against it? ]#aventurine: past. [ our paths will cross again beneath kakava's shimmering auroras. farewell: kakavasha. ]#aventurine: luck. [ he's only drunk on the moment that makes his very life quiver. hell is only one decision away from heaven. ]#aventurine: topaz. [ i never expected the beautiful and kind-hearted director topaz to resort to distorting concepts like that. ]#aventurine: topaz. [ but since i survived i realized: wherever you go that's where i'll follow; nobody's promised tomorrow. ] immobiliter.#aventurine: jade. [ it's often used as a counterfeit for jade. but it looks like jade… can be substituted for aventurine too. ]#aventurine: veritas ratio. [ unfortunately for him; i make for a more competent conversationalist than the other dimwits around here. ]#aventurine: black swan. [ nothing remains hidden from you… does it? i will find my place in the web of your schemes; memokeeper. ]#aventurine: sunday. [ is this what the harmony represents? is it built upon constraint and coercion? ]#aventurine: acheron. [ only by casting aside reason does one truly gamble. “emanator” — I know you'll match my wager. ]#aventurine: v. youth. [ but the sun could not kill me and the quicksand sent me back to the embrace of the guild and the ipc. ]#aventurine: v. penacony. [ i seem that way because i am nervous. maybe you can help. what do you say; put our palms together a last time? ]#aventurine: v. future. [ the once falling die has at last landed on its earthly rest. quietly… peacefully: it at last landed. ]#tag drop#[ ... i wanted to add in a tag for robin. but i think that may have to come personalized. ]#[ /rubs hands together. lets see if any of these are broken. ]#aventurine: robin. [ so she sings; but does she dance? ] avaere.#[ okay i changed my mind-- there's a robin tag. ]
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Today has decided to take a turn for the Not Good which sucks-
#pan rambles#First off I went to do Laundry and now my clothes smells of nail polish#normally that's a smell I can handle in small quantities but#The smell as So Strong#And it's all over my clothes now too which sucks;;;#Somehow a bottle of it got put in my laundry bag without me noticing and yeah.#Luckily only very few things got painted in small amounts but still;;#I don't use nail polish but know it's from home bc of the brand and I always check the machine before putting it my clothes#Once I'm home I also got assignments waiting for me and...anfksnfnskfnsn /neg#At least F.ire E.mblem Friday is tomorrow#Nothing beats being in vc with my dear friend as she plays F.E3H for the first time <3
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hi im moving my gbf muses to dawningsky congratulations to emu for winning the aesthethic battle
#stardust speaking !#IN MY MIND this will clear things up for me by simply going there to look for my gbf posts sunglass emoji thumbs up emoji#returning to the roots of them having their own multi#srry to my dear friends who r about to see the same gbf posts reposted over there over the coming weeks LMAOOOOOOOOO#im unsure if im keeping the url but thats for another day. ideally id put this url there since its fenrir but ive alrdy had this here for s#long LOL.....and im not moving away my non-gbf so....#'will u regret this' considering the twenty posts in a row ill make once msq updates. probably not. LOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL#but if i do merge them again in the future then thats that
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having so much emotions over Jote and Joshua I can’t even articulate, like
#Like I know it looks like this one side unexplored ship at first glance but once you give it a thought#Dear god#their situation is so complex and there is SO much work and healing that need to be done#Especially after you learn more about the undying and put two and two together to see what kind of environment -#- they both grew up in#They are at first glance the master and servant trope#Which isn’t so exciting imo#Until you learn that technically neither of them choose it#You can tell they are two kids who grow up together and ‘saw’ each other#Jote not wanting to let go of Joshua because she knows the burden he was forced to carry as the firebird#Knowing that this path would kill him and she want to save him save her dearest friend#While Joshua seeing how Jote was made to live a life where she have no freedom or life or future#Both wanting to save each other but were powerless against their situation#And at the first chance Joshua gets he let her go#Even though she was the only person who grew to see and love him for just him#Which is his most precious inner wish yet he give that up for her sake#Imagine when he thought for years Clive was gone the only person who saw him and believed in him as him#The loneliness of being a god and a deity and yet Jote came along and mended his heart again#Then he let her go because she deserve to be free#Im in tears#there are more layers then this but#I can’t write all of then in the tags aaaaa#Like do you understand me?? Do you??#Jote#joshua#ffxvi#Like a big theme in this game is people wanting to carry the burden with their loved ones like come one im crying here
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Tall and muscled as he is, Alhaitham still does very much like being held and doted on. Guaranteed that if a partner or even a friend indulges him in it, they will quickly become a favorite person and be sought out frequently for affection.
#hc; alhaitham#//His favorite way is straddling them while they're lounging on the couch and burying his face in their chest or; more often; shoulder#//9/10 would end up dozing off right then and there; if not will talk to them via almost pouty-sounding mumbles#//Loves to do that esp after a particularly hectic day at the Akademiya; bonus if they pat his head or comb through his hair during#//WILL get a lil fussy & bratty if they try to pry him off 'too soon'. Like Miette; except it a 6'+ grown man clinging for dear life djrgdg#//He is ridiculously cute and affectionate sometimes; but you've gotta put the Work in to get his trust/comfort to that extent#//He is very favoring to headpats in general; tbh#//They make him feel so happy and accomplished#//Give him a headpat ONCE; and he WILL keep coming back for the affirmation after completing tasks#//Assuming the person is someone he's close/comfortable with or like. Nahida herself#//Just rolls up and Staaarres with Big ol' cat eyes & incline his head a bit; talking up all he got done#//Then after a bit say he would like compensation for his completed tasks. Will affirm he's serious is asked; then drop it if not conceded#//Very much disappointed; for certain. And it WILL show in his work ethic for the rest of the day#//Idk; rlly loving the idea of this big boi being so down bad for affection for smaller partners/friends#//Tenderly hold the tol man; he will adore you forever#//Tldr; Mans is just a big ol cat mdbgj#//He likes to reciprocate it too; the INSTANT he realizes his partner likes/needs physical affection; he WILL indulge every chance he gets
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i need to draw o/ff characters again and post hcs abt them to my blog. oogoog
#i dont particularly like the popular hc that en/och eats his els/en. it feels weird to me for multiple reasons#KEEP IN MIND THIS IS ALL PERSONAL THINKINGS OK ok here i go#ik i said id post em on the blog but im abt to go to sleep so imma say it here#but like. mahybe im just crazy or looking too deep into things. but i dont see any reason for en/och = eats his els/en besides the fact#that hes fat. and like thats it from what i can rememebr.#like id ont. remember him saying any dialogue that would insinuate it??#OK hold on clarifying = eats them alive/eats their bodies and NOT just eating burnt ashes/sugar#OR it could also be something that like was thought of bc of the horror element of the game +#the zone is a zone that is like Heeyyyy everyone eats everyone here :) so obvs it could just be like a horror hc to go with the theme#or environment of the zone#so like obvs im not gonna like. be upset over ppl liking the hc like to most people it seems just canon to them#but i do not like it....not one bit. he WOULD gaslight and manipulate his workers. absoltuely. but he would NOT eat them alive.#i feel like en/och is too much of like...he has high standards for his foods (chef it up. he can make the fanciest of meals and the nicest#of cakes). so i feel like he'd be like. insulted like ummmmmm no lol that is NOT very presentable. and gross. put their ashes in it and#dress it up and maybe ill eats it then :] yk????#IDK. maybe im just thinking waayyyy too much into this. but i kinda dont care i love this game and i love en/och.#i dont need to fix him hes perfect as he is (manipulative and a cannibal but not like that way. ok?)#cant you let her win for once ?????#ok ok im done for now but for this game? my dear friends. i am ALWAYS open to talking about my thoughts#ow.file
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Helping people is fucking awesome and makes you feel great but at what physical cost 😭
#my back is in shambles#yesterday i was all over my and my parents’ place#today i went to help my dear friend that gave birth a few days ago#(btw her baby is still in hospital because of some complications 😭)#i helped with the dogs then cooked some meals for today and tomorrow#went to the grocery store#cleaned a little bit#ABSORBED EVERY OUNCE OF DESPAIR because i’m a fucking empath i am cursed with feeling whatever other people feel#to the point i got a massive headache that put me straight to bed once i got home#anyway yeah i love helping my family and friends but oh my god i wish i had the stamina levels always up#which doesn’t happen anymore because i’m getting crusty and rusty old#send help and some cocaine
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okay BUT. i finished the two paintings that have a time limit!
#for my baby cousins who live like two hours away so if i dont give it to them during the christmas meetup id have to mail it#why did i paint something for my baby cousins instead of buying them toys? their mom ASKED ME TO so there#ugh though i dont particularly like one of them.... it's a dog and ive never drawn a dog before LMFAO#kinda looks like shit. but hes like two what's he gonna do. critique it#the other one is super cute and im happy with it#two more paintings to go! 😓#like idk it's FINE i just dont love it#the dog one#literally was thinking to myself like. why didnt i dabble in being a furry when i was younger like EVERY other artist#then this shit wouldnt be so difficult. what the fuck is a snout#tried to start the one for my best friend but i got mad and squeezed a bunch of paint straight out the tube and smeared it all over the#canvas with my bare hands. and i paint in bed bc i dont have like. a workspace so i had to maneuver so awkwardly with my two paint#hands out from under my weighted blanket which was absolutely determined to trap me btw#to get to my designated Paint Rag which is a tshirt that begs regularly to be put down like an old dog#but im clinging on for dear life. it was once yellow#this is an absurd amount of tags. absurd. if you read this far i want you to know that my nails are growing out very nicely :)
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Oh dear GOD
grabs your hand. you've had enough plot and exposition and character development lately im taking you to the beach episode
#the fucking day I’ve had holy fucking god#first things first#my giant ass puppet breaks mid March#second#I get a parking ticket at school#third#my dumbass forgot my antidepressants#fourth#my tire went flat finally#fifth#I witnessed a hit and run#while in the parking lot waiting for the triple a tow truck#then an Uber eats driver from one of my friends food ordering comes back and asks me for the code when my friend is very much not around#WHILE I’m trying to the tow truck driver who is very kindly holding my flat ass tire#I blue screen#I ended up telling the Uber eats driver the code and that works out fine but then#I goofed the next interaction bc I took the flat tire from the tow guy and put it in my trunk snd the poor dude just goes#‘I was going to do that’#and I just blanked and say thank you and shut the trunk door and left once he gave me the okay and changed my tire#AND THEN#my moms phone breaks and I have to send her money for it#which I don’t have#bc my loan money won’t come in and is stuck pending#so I use my credit card#and oh dear god the amount of money I am in the hole rn in is crazy#but alas#tomorrow I wake up#go get new tire#and pay my tickets#and everything will be good again
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List 5 songs you like to listen to, then publish this and send this ask to the last 5 people in your notifs🎶
here goes, a list of 5 songs in no particular order:
AUDIT by weevildoing
2. Goodbye my Danish Sweetheart by Mitski
3. Father by The Front Bottoms
4. I’m so crazy for youuu ˂/3 by Rebzyyx (only in a specific mood, which includes whatever is happening in my brain rn)
5. Sour by Lavender
if anyone wants the spotify link to any of these songs lmk!! ^3^
#genuinely lost is when lavender released sour#was going insane my friends had to witness that#almost got worse when she released lost and found ep because i was not expecting so many cool songs at once#but yeah these songs say a lot about me#except for the fact that i do not know what interpretation youre SUPPOSED to have of goodbye my danish sweetheart#i go by my own interpretation and thats so fucking dear to me because no other song can relate to that part of me#father by the front bottoms is self explanatory please just look at my ao3 (and my shameless wip fic)#shameless the fandom not the adjective#im so crazy for you is a good song regardless but when im in a mood like rn its so much better#helps me get work done when im like this too lmao#theres probably a name and a mental disorder to go with this mood as well but oh well :P#ask game#answering asks#songs#song recs#funfact i was about to put on im so crazy for you when i decided to check tumblr first rq#perfect timing
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I got gifted the disney dreamlight valley game, and while I DONT recommend it, the dual voice of the forgotten would be my ideal voice. Another example would be from Baldur's Gate 3; the Ornate Mirror in the Alchemists Lab.
Alas. I am limited to shrieking like a pterodactyl.
#noelmermaid.txt#gender euphoria#Gameloft sucks ass but I didnt pay for it and it is- unfortunately -a rather fun cozy game#Imagine what it could have been if the company cared about it at all#Im not a huge disney person but it was gifted to me by a dear friend who knew i was a cozy decorator game person#and well they werent wrong I do enjoy myself#apart from being the 3rd buggiest game I ever played it also got a ton of backlash from having in game purchases#but they pacified their user base by making it extremely possible to earn the secondary currency in sizable amounts by participating in#a themed photo submission once a week so I never have to give them a dime#and then they released their shitty bug riddled DLC at the same price as a full game#which made everyone angry again and I told my friend I would NOT be buying it#but still it was nice of them to think of me not their fault the company is shitty#frankly theres no excuse for fucking DISNEY to put out a shitty game in 20-fucking-24 but hey
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first social event of the month for me good luck
#friend's house warming#i said id make brownies and then i made brownies and they taste like mud so i sprinted to the shops to buy supermarket#brownies and cut them up and put them in a tin so i can lie to all my friends so i am not humiliated once again for failing to cook somethi#to bring to a social gathering like i always do#i am a deeply evil and deeply cartoonish person why do i make the decisions i make?#the supermarket brownies are much better though#dear diary
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𝐒𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐫 𝐃𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐲 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐇𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝
Yan! Sugar Daddy who fell in love with you at first sight in the cafe he often visited for his daily to-go coffee. He had seen lots of beauties but you were the first to catch his breath.
Yan! Sugar Daddy who tried to woo you, he tried his best to not scare you and subtly flirt with you. It took him a huge courage to approach you and ask for your number.
Yan! Sugar Daddy who found out you were still just a college student who was most likely to be struggling with financial issues, or so he assumed from how most of the students there were.
Yan! Sugar Daddy who took his time bonding with you before subtly offering an arrangement with you, a mutual arrangement of a sugar relationship. Instead of sex, fancy dates, or a plus one to those higher-ups events, he wanted your company all the time if he could.
You were wary and hesitant but his silver-tongued nature convinced you that this would change your life for the better.
While you were inexperienced in most of it, Yulian made sure to make you feel comfortable about it and him. The weekly allowance and PPM were enough to make you never lift a single finger to work anymore.
The more you spent time with him, the less it felt like an arrangement. It felt like a man treating you with utmost respect while spoiling you with luxuries you would never imagine to have.
But with such great benefits came a great price. You noticed that you had been seeing your friends less because of the attention you had on him.
You noticed the higher-ups never stopped sneering at you for being a commoner or his pet whenever you attended the fancy events with him as his plus one.
You noticed how you had almost less to none freedom, always heavily guarded by what seemed to be his bodyguards. Who was he and why did you even need this sort of protection?
One day you decided to trick his bodyguards with your flat-out white lies so that they'd leave you alone. They did not expect someone like you to ever lie and put them at risk so they left you alone.
All you did was wander around in awe, checking the grand balcony to go to the washroom as normal people would.
Yan! Sugar Daddy who was seething in rage when the bodyguards came to him, tricked by your childish lie. But there was no way something bad would happen with this slight mistake right? You were not his spouse by any means.
But oh did everyone know you were someone he fancied for the first time in his whole life. Part of his brain just tried to look at this mistake in a bright light and it backfired.
Yan! Sugar Daddy who had to be endlessly teased by his great-for-nothing cartel friend. He had to endure the stress of losing you and the risk of not being able to take you back.
It's not like the Drug Lord couldn't help him, it was simply humiliating for him to endanger you by not keeping a close eye on you.
Yan! Sugar Daddy who could track you down in less than a week and ordered a mass slaughter on the faction that imprisoned you. You were not wounded terribly but a wound was still a wound.
Yan! Sugar Daddy was just a confidant to the Drug Lord and an infamous lawyer. You only knew he was a lawyer but never the lurking threat of his other occupation. No wonder he was always wary of his surroundings.
How could someone from such a cold underground world have the heart to fall in love with you? That was what you thought when you woke up to his concerned face.
Weeks passed and it didn't take him so long to propose to you, for you to become his spouse.
"I truly love you, dear. I have never even once seen our arrangement as something strictly business instead." He showed you a velvety box with a diamond ring in it. "I admit, it was not the best approach but I thought I could work my way into your heart while profiting you with all the benefits and luxuries you could have from me."
He swallowed the lump in his throat, "I wanted you to see how capable I am."
Something told you that nothing good would come out of your refusal. And instead, logic swarm into your brain. You had been in an arrangement with him for almost a year already and had never even once felt any hardships.
He was nice to you, downright kind and loving even. He cared for you deeply and wouldn't hurt you in any way. It was your fault that you broke free from the barrier of protection he granted you.
With great fame and luxuries, came all sorts of threats. He wasn't disloyal like those higher-ups. He didn't belittle you like others would. He loved you.
Even if you didn't love him, you knew how great it felt to be loved by him. There was not a single loss from this arrangement which was a marriage, right?
#Yulian the Corruption#LIfE Project#LIfE Project 5k celebration#LIfE Project 7 Years Anniversary#Yandere x Reader#Yandere x GN Reader#Yandere Scenarios#Yandere Imagines#Eat well all of you Yulian simps
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LOVER'S QUARREL
- fushiguro megumi x reader
“i can't do this anymore.” you and megumi are just too different; he's stoic, you're bubbly, he prefers solitude, you love being social. it starts with fights, words you don't mean, and ends with an event that would haunt him for a long time to come.
genre/warnings: angst, breaking up, post-breakup feelings, mentions and description of injury and blood, hurt/comfort, fluff in the end (you make up!)
note: dear god i’m finally getting this out of my drafts. loosely inspired by real life events i’ve seen around my friend’s relationship sooo it might hurt a bit 🤏🏻 but who can say no to angst to eventual fluff? tagging @lees-chaotic-brain and @kasumitenbaz (as per request in the ask!), you two are always here for my megumi works, thank you!! :3 and thank you for dropping by for the event!
a part of 1K MILESTONE EVENT
general masterlist
Everyone pointed it out as a joke, that you liked him way more than he did you.
And you used to never let it ruffle you. To you, Megumi’s sternness and silence meant that he was comfortable with you. You never wanted him to change his ways just because now you were seeing each other.
But when you thought it over now, as you stood before him with an aghast expression and knives stabbing your kind, soft heart, you couldn’t help but do a double-take.
You were the one who confessed first. Most of the time, you were the one who initiated dates. You always texted him first, asking about his day, and even when he brushed you off, you would keep being this ball of sunshine and wished him a good day.
You never realized it before… that through everything, it has always been you. Unfailingly.
So how dare he spout this now?
“I can't do this anymore.”
"You... can't?" you spat out, feeling the first tendrils of anger course through you. "What exactly it is that you can't do? What do you even mean?"
"Look," Megumi stared at you squarely, and you thought now, that it was the coldest of eyes, straight and true. "It's always been like this between us lately. It's only right that we end this."
This, he said. He didn't even want to define your relationship anymore.
You scoffed. "And why do you think we always end up this way? Have you ever considered, even once, that it's because you make no effort at all?"
"I'm trying," Megumi quickly replied, almost in a hiss, and you almost recoiled. "But I just see that we'll end up nowhere, that's why I'm bringing this up now."
Oh, that freaking hurts. You boyfriend had just told you that this relationship would go nowhere. Right in your face.
Your eyes stung with tears, yet you fought to hold them back, fixing your gaze on the lamp overhead and inhaling deeply.
"You're... selfish," you stated, filled with ire. "You're always walking around eggshells around me, never telling me what is it that you really want—"
Megumi's unclouded eyes fixed on your trembling form. "We just disagree on a lot of things. You know it and it bothers you. It bothers me too. Rather than forcing our relationship, I think it's better—"
"It's always me!" you yelled then, lips quivering and eyes watering, unable to hold your emotions back any longer. "All dates, lunches—everything!" you locked your eyes with him, in mocking disbelief. "How can you say you're trying when, in truth, I'm the one putting in so much for us?!"
In that very second, Megumi thought that he hated seeing you like this. You were supposed to be the cheerful one in this relationship, and when he agreed to go out with you, he made an unspoken commitment to himself that he would at least not make you miserable.
And yet...
"...I'm sorry."
Came his reply, and you were sure that this was it.
And to rub the salt in your wound, he added, "I can't lie to you and say I haven't thought this for a while too."
As tears welled within you, you wondered and questioned what you lacked that led to this. However, the overwhelming sense of betrayal consuming your thoughts ultimately prevailed over any other emotions.
Now he could've appeared before you as a stranger and you wouldn't bat an eye, as the cold steel in his tone said, "And if blaming me is what it takes to make you feel better, then so be it."
You couldn't pinpoint the source of your sudden boldness, but in the next hot minute, you marched past him, your shoulder harshly colliding with his in a deliberate, almost spiteful manner—which, indeed, was your intention—and then you ran.
Which led to the next scene: you found yourself bawling your eyes out in the girls' lavatory.
Yuji and Nobara saw everything unfolding right before their eyes. They hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but you and Megumi were literally breaking up right the middle of their shared classroom, and it was hard not to follow the discourse until the end.
"Are you okay?" Nobara had come to your side, ensuring privacy by locking the restroom door out of your consideration. You were a sobbing mess, attempting to wipe the overflowing tears away while letting out all your emotions.
"He's..." Your voice faltered amid sobs as you gazed at your steadfast friend, your throat clogging up. "He said... he's been wanting t-to... break up with m-me..."
"That's okay, that's okay..." Nobara brought you to her arms, patting your back in reassurance. "Fushiguro is insensitive like that... don't cry over him now. He's just a wimp, okay?"
"Why is it me?" you asked her, voice brittle, still shaking with tears. "I t-tried everything! Being the supportive girlfriend..."
"If he can't appreciate what you did, then the problem lies with him," your friend stated, traces of irritation brewing in her resolute gaze. And as she firmly grasped your wrist, her next words resonated. "Not you."
. . .
"Do you really have to break her heart like that?" Yuji fidgeted with his hoodie, staring at his best friend with a blend of confusion and sympathy.
Megumi sighed, finally ruffling his hair into a mess, as if expressing his own state of mind. “This is for the best.”
Yuji’s eyebrows visibly creased. “How is this ‘for the best’? She’s miserable, and you…” he assessed him, scanning him from head to toe, “it doesn’t seem you’re faring any better too.”
“The longer she is with me, the unhappier she will be.” Megumi glanced at the bathroom’s direction. “She can deserve better.”
He was always too quiet, too boring, not able to match your energy too. He couldn’t fault you for expecting more, whereas he was just not exactly built for your expectations.
Megumi really thought he wanted it to end. At one point, it even felt like a chore, but…
How strange. Why did it feel like something was clawing at his chest?
Time heals. Megumi knew that by theory, but he really did see it firsthand when he saw you all giggling and happy again three weeks after he initiated the breakup.
With Hakari.
“Yo, what are you glaring at?” Panda asked, but Megumi didn’t pay him any mind.
An upperclassman, Hakari Kinji, was naturally cool and talented. He was laid back, knew how to have fun—all in all, a total opposite of Fushiguro Megumi altogether.
Three weeks. It’s only been three weeks since then.
“Megumi?”
Wait… Aren’t three weeks too fast to get over your ex?
“Megumi!”
“Huh?” he turned to the sentient panda with a jerk. “Oh, what is it?”
He looked at him with a concerned gaze. "Why do you look so scary? It's almost as if you're about to punch someone..."
But who was he to argue? He had no right to be upset now.
"Is it Kinji?" Panda gasped, finally putting two and two together when he followed his line of sight. "Oh Megumi... but you—"
"Just shut up, please," he blurted then, a hint of annoyance in his tone. With that, Panda didn't pursue it further, leaving him with his thoughts.
From where he was at the field, he could clearly see your radiant smile for Hakari. It was clear that the two of you shared a degree of friendship, but Megumi never knew that you two were that close.
...huh?
Why did the sight irritate him so suddenly? Why did his chest twinge again?
What a fool. You're the one driving her away, you idiot.
Suddenly these memories popped up one by one—
Of you suddenly hugging him from behind in an attempt to surprise him.
How he pressed his lips on the crown of your head when you fall asleep on his shoulder.
How you would give him that dopey smile when he pulled you close.
But on harder days after missions gone wrong, he’d ignore you altogether— the slight disappointment in your smile then. How your expression fell when he told you to go. How you slumped and looked back in hopes of him changing his mind.
“Haaaah.” Megumi turned away, unwilling to keep watching you any longer. Why? Why hadn’t it occurred to him before now?
Why did he long for you now? Why not before, when you were still his?
They were right. It seems people tend to desire what isn't meant for them.
What could have been more painfully awkward than being sent into a mission with your ex-boyfriend?
You would kill Gojo for this. Or at least give him the lowest possible score in his teaching evaluation for the year. How could he? Your breakup was an infamous public spectacle, so this setup was undoubtedly intentional!
You were losing your head over this, and yet your ex-boyfriend...
"Keep your guard up," Megumi reminded curtly, in a warning tone. He looked as vigilant and straight as always, as if he wasn't even bothered.
You threw him a dirty look, offended. "You don't have to tell me twice."
This just cranked up the discomfort to an excruciating level. The mix of unresolved tension and memories—okay, you might be an emo, but how were you supposed to be cool with all of these hanging in the air?
Your site of exorcism was an abandoned warehouse, and the cursed spirit in question was supposed to be a grade 3. You two were grade 2 sorcerers now, so you were a perfect fit to exorcise it. But there was indeed this unease in the air that you couldn't put your finger to.
"Isn't it awfully too quiet?" you unwittingly muttered, staring at the darkness of the wall. You couldn't feel any cursed energy belonging to any possible malevolent entity, and that was what unsettled you the most.
Megumi frowned at your line of sight. "It is. Stay close."
You blinked at what he said, and before you knew it, the familiar scent of him being near to you made your entire body burst with this equally familiar warmth. When you looked up to him, seeing the solid sharpness in that dark eyes of his and his jaw set, dead butterflies in your chest rose back to life again, against your heartbreak and better judgement.
Stay close, he said... So he is worried...
And in an attempt to hide how flustered you were, you looked down.
You walked a few good steps, when suddenly he asked, "So, are you with Hakari-senpai now?"
"Huh?" You spun around, your expression a mix of surprise and confusion.
"You two seem close."
Seem close? Seem close... wait, so Megumi had noticed...?
Suddenly, you felt incited and it made you angry. "That's none of your business," your voice carried a sharp edge, hissing. And you knew you were being a bit mean by adding, "You broke up with me, so why do you even care?"
In that moment, Megumi could've sworn his chest throbbed. Your cutting tone pierced directly into his heart, lodging itself there.
You had all rights to be annoyed, and he knew that. Why did that question even slip out of him?
"Nah, nevermind," he mumbled in response, looking away.
Awkwardness lingered afterwards. You hated this, but no, you weren't above being petty. He had broken your heart and it still stung even now. If your intentionally biting words did to him even a fraction of what he made you feel, then you would find a small sense of satisfaction in it.
But you weren't able to ponder about your mess of feelings further when Megumi abruptly yanked your arm, his voice soaking with urgency, "It's here!"
Sure enough, the grotesque cursed spirit with the shape of a giant bee broke through the walls with a bang. The two of you immediately readied your fighting stance. Megumi was ready with his divine dogs, while you with your cursed weapon.
For a while, you engaged the cursed spirit with all you had. You were trying to focus on the enemy, but you couldn't help but notice the way Megumi always looked at you every few seconds, checking for any signs of injury or harm.
Frankly speaking, he trusted your strength and knew that you were a capable sorcerer. You had been paired in a mission before and he knew both your potential and shortcomings. It was just there was something about this place that had his senses on high alert.
And his fears were proven true when you yelped and were flung onto the grimy floor. "Y/N!"
"I'm fine!" you shouted in a rush, scrambling to your feet. However, as you spun towards him, your scream tore through the hall as you caught sight of the bee lurking behind him. "Megumi!"
He got distracted. The bee quickly latched onto him and almost stung him, until he wrestled it off and summoned Nue and exorcised it.
You went to his side that instant. "Are you okay?!"
"I am." But then he winced and almost fell on his knees if you didn't have a secure grip on him. He savored your touch and breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that now you two were safe.
"Megumi! Oh god!" Panic surged through you as you pulled him close. His side was bleeding, and you widened your eyes at the sight.
"I'm okay, I promise," he rasped, looking you in the eyes. "What abo—"
Then you saw it, the flicker from deep from that corner of platform, and suddenly, you grasped the source of the unease that had been lingering within you all this time. It wasn't the bee Megumi had just exorcised—
At that moment, there was no room for thought, one thing was certain: you didn't want him to get hurt more.
He didn't manage to finish his sentence when suddenly you pushed him away with so much force he never thought you had. Everything crashed so suddenly, he didn't have the time to brace himself or grab you with him, as another cursed bee appeared out of nowhere and—
Reality flashed before his eyes as he stared at you in sheer horror. At how the cursed spirit tore your body, sinking its hollow stinger in you.
You didn't really know what happened next. Everything was muffled—the frantic movements around you turned into a blur, along with Megumi's yells. Otherworldly pain coursed through your entire being and your ears rang, then everything in your line of sight became distorted and faded, along with your consciousness. Next and the last thing you knew was Megumi's battered face, a final imprint before you succumbed to the void.
Megumi had exorcised the remaining cursed spirit and staggered to his feet—falling a few times, but he made his way towards you through gritted teeth. You are hurt. He forced himself to get to you and pull you into his arms.
And suddenly, suddenly, nothing mattered anymore as overwhelming terror consumed him upon seeing you. Blood streamed from your abdomen so much that it made a continuous pool.
"You stupid—!" He choked out, voice hitching. You were no longer conscious and it devastated him even more. "Hey, hey? Wake up—hells—"
You, who did everything you could to save your relationship. You, who cried tears for him when he blatantly broke your heart. And you, who put himself first—and now facing the consequences.
It crashed upon him in that very second, the clarity. What was he thinking back then? He still loves you.
"If you die on me, I won't forgive you."
Megumi scooped you in his arms, pressing you close to his chest, the blood seeping from his wound be damned as he looked at your serene face. His heart shattered in the worst way possible and he almost wheezed at the sticky sensation of your blood—and how lifeless you felt in his grasp—but he willed it away.
"Don't," his broken rasp echoed the walls as he took each step to get both of you out of this hellhole. He winced and hissed at his own injury, chewing his lip in frustration, at how helpless he was.
"Don't leave me."
It was like a distant, hazy memory.
Was it a memory though? No. It seemed far too real for that.
The throbbing headache pounding through your skull and shivers that wracked your body pulled you back to reality. There was a heavy pressure on your abdomen and any movement sent sharp pain shooting through you.
You gradually opened your eyes, squinting against the brightness. You were in a hospital gown, an IV was injected on your arm, and the sterile scent made your stomach twist, as nausea creeping through your guts. Your vision was still blurry as you tried to look around to find someone who waited for you. As you slowly turned your head to the side, you saw him, sitting in the chair right next your bed.
Megumi was sleeping in such uncomfortable position, his head resting on the edge of your bed. He appeared peaceful, almost childlike, devoid of his usual stoic demeanor.
Your heartstrings were tugged at this rare sight. He also sustained injuries and yet... he was waiting for you to wake up, here.
Your chest swelled with warmth, which was quickly followed by a sting of heartbreak. Still, you two broke up...
You jolted, and the inadvertent movement sent a wave of pain that seemed to paralyze your nerves, causing you to whimper. The noise woke Megumi from his slumber, as he shot his eyes open in alarm, catching your hand in his.
"Hey... Are you okay?" Megumi worriedly looked down at you with a visible frown, and the grimace of pain on your face, accompanied by trembling lips, was enough of an answer. He hastily scrambled out in slight panic, "I'll get Ieiri-san."
When Shoko came and got you the painkillers, your pain receded somewhat. Through it all, Megumi stood there, casting concerned glances in your way.
"Bedrest for the week," Shoko stated firmly, assessing your wound with a no-nonsense expression. "Your injury isn't minor—it's serious enough that you're strongly advised against excessive movement."
You could only nod in response. Megumi bowed. "Thank you, Ieiri-san." Once the doctor departed, silence settled over the room once more.
“Why did you do that?” he quietly asked then, referring to what you did for him. And when you turned to him, you saw it clearly.
He looked pale, and there was this haunted look in his eyes. It broke your heart a little.
"You were hurt." Your voice came out dry, and you realized firsthand just how parched you were. Seeing Megumi looking down never quite sat right with you. He was meant to be an unwavering presence, someone strong enough to sway your convictions.
However, a pang struck when he countered with stern eyes, "You didn't have to do that."
...he was right. You didn't have to. What he didn't know was that you were still holding on these stupid feelings, which drove you to shield him. It made you ponder: if your roles were reversed, would he not step in to protect you at all?
"Why are you here?" You weren't sure if the bitterness in your tone was evident, but you continued anyway. "You don't have to be here either."
"Don't have to?" His gaze bore disbelief, as if not believing your words. "I'm—"
"If it's because I saved you, Megumi—"
“Do not even think, even for a moment, that I won’t be concerned over you.” His voice, deep and hoarse, struck you to the core, silencing your words. “Never. I always, always want you to be safe.”
Your mind became a blank slate. Suddenly, all that mattered was his voice.
"Don't you realize how terrifying it was? Seeing you like that?" Megumi spat, his green eyes shining with intensity, teeth gritted and fists clenched. "How could you even think that I wouldn't be here—" his breath hitched, and then his lips trembled slightly, "—for you?"
You blinked quickly, a feeling stirred within you—stemming from that cursed, fragile heart of yours to be exact, evident from the rapid thumping in your chest.
You dumbly uttered, "But we are—"
"Oh, Goddamnit." Megumi cursed, and honestly you were taken aback. It wasn't really in him to swear, so this really bugged him. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, and despite the situation, your heart skipped a beat at the sight. Even a mess in a hospital gown, your ex-boyfriend was still undeniably attractive.
He stared at you squarely in the eye, unflinching, steadfast and true, the very image of Fushiguro Megumi you admired from afar and fell in love with in the first place half a year ago. "You don't have to... say anything, if you don't want to. Right now... just hear me out."
And the things he said next... all of them, you could say, caught you entirely off guard.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not trying hard enough, and—damn it, for making you sad. I never, ever wanted to see you that upset."
Megumi drew in a sharp breath, averting his gaze. "And for days, I've wondered if you and Hakari-senpai are now a thing... and you know what? I hate it so much. I know I have no grounds to feel this way, after what I did, but..."
And like a train wreck, his final words hit you hard. Tears welled up in your eyes in immediate response.
“I'm a loser, and a coward too, maybe,” he shrugged, a tinge of self-deprecation in his tone. “And I suck at telling people my feelings, but I love you. I still do.”
A sob slipped out of your throat and you hastily pulled the blanket over your face, much to his surprise. He thought he had worsened things, with the way you were turning away from him.
But then, from beneath the blanket, in a croaky voice, you proclaimed, "Fushiguro Megumi, you're a complete and utter idiot."
And Megumi didn't know that he had been holding back his breath as he chuckled heartily, relieved that you would still take his ass back after this prolonged mess. He knew he still had a lot to make up for and was determined to show it through his actions.
"Maybe I am, yeah."
"That's possibly the longest shit you have ever spouted in one breath."
"Yeah..."
But he got his chance back, and he knew that you would be alright. Both of you are.
On one sunny day...
"Hey, are you alone?"
Megumi glanced up from his phone, only to be met with a random girl standing in front of him, batting her eyelashes with an ambiguous intent. He blinked at her curiously.
"No. Can I help you?"
The girl twirled her hair suggestively. "Ah, you see... I see you all in your lonesome and I think you're quite cute—"
The hell? Megumi frowned, and he was really about to give this bimbo a piece of his mind when—
Oh, oh. Forget that. Megumi's attention snapped to you on the opposite side of the crossroad. All pretty and dolled up with that crop tee and miniskirt he once mentioned would look great on you by a slip of tongue—that accidental comment earned him your teasing quips for weeks already.
"Sorry, I'm here for my girlfriend. Bye."
Abruptly dismissing the girl, he didn't catch how comically offended she was for being turned down in a span of 20 seconds. He took big strides towards you, as you crossed the street, and you immediately beamed when you caught the sight of his face.
"Megumi!"
Ah, this is going to be a good day, he thought. As he gazed at your pretty face, and caught your hand in his, clasping it tightly, reveling in your scent and the warmth of your presence beside him—
He was content, and once again it dawned on him, that he likes you so, so damn much.
"Let's get started on our date, shall we?"
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