#as I said above

[not-poignant]

Are Sebastian and Alex going to learn about bdsm and safe practices/negotiation? Or do they keep fumbling around and doing what they're doing?

Hi anon,

People who learn about BDSM don't necessarily practice safe practices or negotiation.

And there are elements of negotiation in this story! It's not a black and white 'they're not doing this in a paint-by-numbers sort of way and therefore it doesn't count' situation, y'know?

They are two characters in their mid-20s who live in a tiny town, one of those characters is dyslexic to the point that he can barely read, and the other's method of doing things has worked for him all his life (or so he thinks), they don't have any reason/s to learn about BDSM, and it's not likely that either of them ever will.

That also doesn't mean that they can't enjoy their kinky sex life.

There has been a lot of discussion already, and there will be more and more going forwards. It might not be at the level most people want, but Sebastian has certainly obtained consent (more than once), offered and then insisted on debriefs and post-sex discussion, explained to Alex how to communicate if he hates something, and made it clear that what he likes is unusual and sadistic in nature. It's also clear that Alex likes being pushed, i.e. - not being forced to give consent in every circumstance when someone can take control and give him what he wants anyway. That's actually pretty common in some people with a child abuse background who become people pleasers.

If you want negotiation + safe practices at a certain level, you'd have to completely remake Alex's character into someone who can magically be a functional, communicative, healthy human being, and he's not that. Alex is getting better at communicating (that's how we go this far in the story in the first place), but if you expect this story to end on Alex being a perfect human who can do Instagram-level kink negotiation, then no, this isn't the story you want, anon.

If you look deeper and don't expect cookie cutter kinds of dialogue, there has been ongoing negotiation in the story since the early chapters. When Alex makes it clear through physical response and then verbal that he doesn't like yelling, Sebastian stops yelling. When Sebastian makes it clear that he has complicated feelings about hiring his ex-school bully as a cleaner, Alex makes it clear that he doesn't share those complicated feelings, especially in light of the pay rate. Sebastian consenting to Alex being his cleaner makes it clear that those terms are acceptable to him.

When Alex tries to undervalue himself, Sebastian makes it clear that he's not comfortable paying someone less simply because they value themselves less. When Alex then takes that pay, it's a form of consent to Sebastian's attitudes. Their relationship has been an ongoing negotiation since the beginning, and that's how they've grown closer. If you're used to only looking for very obvious signs of negotiation, it might be easy to miss the non-verbal and subtle forms of negotiation that are happening.

For example, it might not seem like it, but Sebastian - many chapters ago now - talking about how he likes control in the bedroom and that turning Alex on long before they'd ever shared anything sexual together, is a form of communication. Alex learns he likes the idea of it without it ever been forced on him, and Sebastian wouldn't have that conversation with someone he didn't trust (for example, Alex in the beginning of the story). They had to have trust to have that conversation, Alex had to have trust to ask Sebastian questions about it in the oblique way he did, and they had to share a common comfortability have a conversation in that direction in the first place.

In A Stain that Won't Dissolve, these things don't look like a psychologist's version of: 'Okay, what do you want, and this is what I want, and here's where we meet in the middle' - a lot of life doesn't look like this (but if you want that, I've written that in Falling Falling Stars - it still has dubious consent though, lol). Both Alex and Sebastian have poor communication on their side, and it's a growth story for the two of them.

But no, I have no intention of Sebastian ever learning terms like 'subspace' or 'RACK' or anything like that. A lot of people in the world, especially prior to easy access to the internet, figured this stuff out on their own and many of them made it work even without the rigid or codified structures of the world of BDSM (and some of those people went on to invent the world of BDSM that we take for granted today).

It's the kinks that make you kinky, not the knowledge of an acronym or the world it engenders.

There's also no reason to think that Sebastian has access to a healthy education about BDSM there, it's not like Elliott was practicing much healthy BDSM in my other Stardew fic, The Wind that Cuts the Night, :D Elliott knew all about safe practices, negotiation, and BDSM, and chose to ignore a lot of the safe stuff over messing around more dangerously.

The fumbling around is the point, basically. Growing up is messy, and dubious consent is hot (for some of us), and there are many ways we communicate with the people around us, especially when it's two guys in a town the valourises machismo and stoicism over emotional openness, and one of those guys was beaten by his father over not being macho and strong enough which makes him exceptionally resistant to communicating clearly even about basic subjects and needs.

That's the part I actually really love about this story.

[marzipanandminutiae]

sorry if this is too discourse-adjacent but while i'm really glad that the historical costume space is now considering corset injuries a work safety issue rather than an "actresses whining "for attention" one, we've been way too quick to pat ourselves on the back for it, especially since that's been the popular take for years and an expression of the unexamined undercurrent of nlog-type misogyny we've inherited from older sites like frockflicks, which have shaped our language for better or worse

I think it's...a complicated situation.

(First of all, while I do acknowledge that it has its issues like pretty much everything in the world, I like Frock Flicks. And a lot of the more intense criticism thereof- again, not all the criticism; some is legit! -has smacked of "oh no you're going to hurt the poor big-name professional costume designer and/or actor's Precious Feelings! how can you be so MEAN?!" to me, to be honest. The costumer for L*ttle W*men 2019 will be just fine with her literal Oscar if people say her designs were hot garbage re: accuracy.)

This all started with movies perpetuating the idea of Corsets As Universal Torture Devices, which has the misogynistic undertone of implying that women were stupid or docile enough to just let ourselves be tortured constantly for approx. 500 years. Plus the popular NLOG trope that obviously the heroine didn't wear corsets like those other brainless ninnies around her! And people got frustrated with actresses going to interviews and parroting that mindset with stories of corset hell that did not match their own experiences.

We should not have jumped straight to "you're making this up" as a community, you're absolutely right. It's not a good look, when "they don't know any better because abusive directors tell them Corsets Are Just Like That" should have been an obvious explanation (because it's, you know, probably the truth in most cases).

I'm not quite sure I'd call it NLOG, simply because "I'm not like other girls; I know corsets aren't evil!" isn't really something I've seen trotted out in attempts to gain mainstream social capital over other women- the whole point of NLOG. Mostly because it doesn't gain you any, in 99% of situations. And I don't think the misplaced ire came out of nowhere, or out of a desire to seem superior.

We were frustrated to see something we felt passionately about misrepresented. We lashed out at the wrong people. That doesn't excuse it, and it's good that we're changing our tune now. We should maybe acknowledge that we were off-base, as a community, in our initial reaction to this phenomenon.

That's pretty much the entirety of my (somewhat disjointed) thoughts on the matter.

[strangestcase]

becoming a furry nonhuman otherkin objectum genderweird relationship anarchy freak has made me immune to weird conservative whatifs. "what if people want to identify as animals" let them "what if people want to marry furniture" let them "what if-" is it hurting YOU? personally? or are you just so joyless that you can't conceive a living thinking person that isn't as repressed and deprived of whimsy as you

EDIT: Incest and pedophilia (including simulated pedophilia) don’t count because they do hurt people. I can’t believe I have to say this but things that hurt people aren’t part of the list of things that are weird but don’t hurt people.

[soupinaboot]

In my opinion, Bruce should be above average height or at least average. But since he surrounds himself with demi-gods, aliens, meta humans, etc, he's just dwarfed next to them. Like maybe about 6'1 or 6'2, but that's NOTHING compared to Diana '7'3 feet tall' Prince. Or Clark '6'9' Kent.

All the tabloids claim he has to be at least 5 feet tall because the only photos they can get of him are when he's next to his giant ass friends.

It is also my personal headcannon that all the robins stay shorter than him, except Jason, who should be at least 4 inches taller.

[ruushes]

throuple of all time to me

[noisyghost]

sketches of ark's werewolf form except based on the designs of some other funny dogs i like

[bigcatbulges]

Source - SnaftFC_ (Nude version in link)

(Artist's Telegram Channel)

[hydrachea]

Thinking about Robin and Sunday's halos.

About how Robin's halo isn't a closed circle, but more like a branch forming a circular shape, where the start and stem don't touch. It's also uneven in shape and splits into three flowers, like it's allowed to grow freely, unobstructed. Something about Robin having left Penacony and having escaped the confines of her cage, being able to flourish. About her being able to let people in, and connect to them.

Meanwhile Sunday stayed behind to be the head of the Oak family and conform to the strict role that's expected of him, and his halo is a perfectly symmetrical shape that's practically fully closed off. It's sharp, almost more like a crown of thorns than a halo. And it almost doesn't have any openings to let anything, or anyone, in easily. It actively discourages getting close to it.

And then if you want to get sappy about, which I will - Sunday doesn't let anyone in, with that almost completely sealed, thorny halo of his... But there's an opening in Robin's halo, and so it can fit around Sunday's. Something about him always being able to find solace in her, because there's room for him in her (halo) heart always, by design.

Anyway I'm not normal about them.

[lupins-hehim-pussy]

[ ID in ALT ]

what's wrong with him (based on That Scene in the hit wriolette fanfic Love Will Find A Way, So Will Naked Mole Rats by noxetic)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I want you whipped into shape!

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[jo-gakky]

ARAKIII!! DROP RISOTTO'S BACKSTORY!! AND MY LIFE, IS YOURSSSS!!!!

[the-great-horse-cocktail]

Alternate timeline where Stanley doesn’t accidentally ruin Ford’s project but he still doesn’t get into Geek Life University bc some kid showed up with a baking soda volcano

[gamoraswonder]

[stoat-party]

When I say OC I could mean “character I invented out of whole cloth” or “customizable player character” or “mentioned-only character I gave an identity to” or “one-dimensional canon character I developed to the point where I forgot they’re not actually my baby.” It’s a dice roll.

[sugarcarnation]

it’s weird when people act like mori would regularly torture dazai and/or chuuya for funsies. even ignoring that he does hold some affection for them why would he risk losing two of his strongest subordinates like that? why would he send them on missions while they’re injured??

dazai was clearly fine interacting with mori until the whole oda thing went down. and we know dazai is very clear about him being the only one allowed to make chuuyas life more difficult than it needs to be so he wouldn’t just stand by and watch if this ever happened

also how would you even explain that chuuya is perfectly happy hanging out with mori? he’s clearly not expecting any harm and y’all can’t tell me that chuuya "that’s more than a light wound" nakahara would ever happily spend his time with mori if he ever did actually torture dazai

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

(TW: Sex - educational context) 

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

This was a requested topic: let’s talk about HIV risk and oral sex. 

First things first: It’s not considered completely risk-free, but the risk of getting HIV from receiving or giving oral sex is considered low. 

Now, in some more detail: 

Giving oral sex may be a bit riskier than receiving. This is because of the potential contact with your partners bodily fluids (vaginal fluids, menstrual blood or semen), and also because you may have small cuts or sores in your mouth without even being aware of them) but both giving and receiving oral sex is still lower risk than vaginal or anal sex. 

Mouth-to-penis sex is thought to be riskier than mouth-to-vagina sex. 

Mouth-to-anus sex is also considered low-risk. 

Something that is important to consider is that many people have oral sex AND vaginal/anal sex in the same session, which may make it harder in retrospect to say during which sexual activity exactly an infection occurred. 

While oral sex is a lower risk in general, your personal risk may be higher. For example if: 

you have sores or small cuts on/in your mouth or genitals 

you have bleeding gums

there’s menstrual blood present 

you have another STD 

As with any sexual activity, it goes here too: You can reduce the risk by practicing safer sex! For oral sex that means using a condom (penis) or dental dam (vagina or anus). You can also cut a condom length-wise and use it as a dental dam. Use a new one every time you have sex (and also if you switch from oral to vaginal or anal sex, or the other way around, during the same session).

A condom or dental dam will also lower the risk of other STDs (such as chlamydia or herpes) and infections (such as hepatitis, which you can get from mouth-to-anus sex). 

If you both have a negative HIV test, and you both do not have other STDs and neither of you has sex with other people, it’s generally considered safe to not use condoms or dental dams. But if you are not 100% sure, it’s always better to err on the side of caution and use one. 

The same goes for testing: if you recently had oral sex and you worry you were potentially exposed to HIV during it, you probably don’t need to freak out since it’s a lower risk - but for your own peace of mind, it’s still a good idea to talk to a doctor about getting tested. (If you don’t feel comfortable going to your regular doctor or you worry about costs, there may be testing sites near you that offer free and confidential tests. For example in community health centers, pharmacies or mobile clinics. Look it up online! You may also be able to buy a self-testing kit online.) Keep in mind that HIV isn’t an automatic death sentence anymore if it gets diagnosed and treated early on! 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad