#as I have adhd but not autism and I’d want it to be a sensitive piece

[avelera]

Ok so I think I need to write a follow-up fic for “my love is thine to teach” where Hob’s university offers some sensitivity training for how to support neurodivergent students and Hob gamely signs up for it because he sure as hell knows by now that there’s a lot of things about the world he could stand to educate himself on

And at some point during the seminar a little lightbulb goes on over his head when they talk about how to support autism spectrum students because that sure as hell sounds a lot like Dream

(In another world, Hob doesn’t become a teacher and the 1989 meeting happens as planned and Hob continues his life as he always has and Dream just continues to mystify him.)

Now, it could just be that Dream is eldritch, right? That’s why he’s a bit odd sometimes…. Right?

(And then Hob meets Death and is like ooooh, it’s not because he’s Endless, Dream is just Like That.)

And anyway, just for the hell of it, Hob decides to employ some of those strategies for how to help neurodivergent students open up and feel comfortable next time Dream comes around.

And it fucking works.

Suddenly, Dream is talking about crafting dreams and nightmares, as engaged as Hob has ever seen him. Suddenly it clicks in Hob’s head why pressing Dream on things like being lonely might have been hurtful to Dream, who saw it as a criticism on a painful subject for him because he struggles to form friendships.

Suddenly Hob (who is probably ADHD the seminar was useful all around, who would have guessed) as a teacher is realizing things he never in that other world would have realized about how to be a better friend to his stranger because the modern world is awesome and finally gave him the tools to help recognize how to do so.

[overwhelmed-frog]

I had to stop taking my adhd medication a few years back because it made my sensory issues significantly worse. I finally decided to try a different one, with the idea that this particular med would help with my sleep disorder as well, and I fear the same thing is happening again. I can feel Every piece of lint and cat hair touching my skin and I’m losing my minddddd. this was one of the exact problems I had with the last one, and it let up as soon as I stopped taking it 😭 WHY am I only allowed executive function OR a manageable level of sensory sensitivity!!!!! evil!!!!

[polyamoryprincess]

tw: depression; eating disorder mention; discussions relating to weight

I remember when I was losing a lot of weight at one point because I literally couldn’t get myself to eat I was so exhausted and fatigued from depression I had multiple people, mainly dentists and doctors/nurses, compliment me on my weight loss and asked me what my “secret” was and at some point I was just like “I’m depressed and not eating.”

And I can’t help but think “what the fuck is wrong with people?”

Do not comment on someone’s weight, especially if you don’t fucking know them at all. What if I had had a triggerable eating disorder? Someone’s weight being pointed out can be such a triggering thing, why do people treat it like small talk just because they’re saying I look skinny instead of fat?

Saying my depression and eating disorder and illnesses looks good on me is not a fucking compliment.

[nadiuu]

I saw a post mentioning how Matt most likely has ADHD, and since I 100% agree, I wanted to elaborate a bit here (also because I’ll approach it from a matt/mello angle and I don’t want to annoy anyone who doesn’t ship them). I’ve also noticed that this is a headcanon that many people share, so I’d like to delve deeper into it. I’ve been meaning to write a mini-analysis on why these two are so compatible due to their neurodivergences. Please keep in mind that English isn’t my native language so sorry for any mistakes, and I’ll be projecting a lot of myself here, so be kind XDD

It’s not crazy to think that Matt might have ADHD based on the few clues we have in canon. Mogui and Misa’s escape could indeed be attributed to good planning, and not necessarily Matt’s fault, but the guy makes it clear that he’s absolutely bored to death having to keep watch and is always glued to his console.

And you might say: Nadiu, just because he gets bored watching something static doesn’t mean he has trouble concentrating. Sure, it’s normal to get bored. But Matt is aware of how important it is to keep watch, and even then, he can’t help it. If his brain doesn’t receive enough stimuli, he dieeeees (which could be an indicator of his giftedness), and he’ll seek out little dopamine boosts wherever he can. If it’s not gaming, it’ll be eating junk food. If it’s not eating, it’ll be smoking. This could indicate a certain level of anxiety (again, a possible indicator of giftedness or ADHD).

We also know he’s someone who hates the outdoors. Why might this be? For someone with ADHD, being surrounded by too much stimulation can be overwhelming. Gifted people will tend to notice everything around them, and those with 2e (gifted + ADHD) may struggle to focus their attention if they’re overstimulated. They pick up on all the stimuli and can’t focus on just one. This could lead them to prefer isolating themselves, at least occasionally, especially when they reach burnout.

Another thing to consider is his lack of sociability. This doesn’t have to be exclusive to ADHD because it’s also common among gifted people, even without 2e. For gifted people, socializing can be hard if there’s nothing engaging to take away from a conversation (our greatest enemy is small talk hahhaha). This doesn’t apply to everyone, but it’s a fairly common factor. We like to keep our brains stimulated 24/7.

Now imagine someone who perceives everything around them, analyzes every detail, and can’t discern what’s important and what isn’t. They’re chatting with you, but instead of focusing on what you’re saying, they can’t help but notice your eyelid twitching e.g., which might mean you’re stressed, and then they start thinking about all the possible reasons you might be stressed. Meanwhile, there are countless sounds and stimuli around them that they can’t ignore. It’s going to be hard for them to really listen to you, and they might not feel at peace until they get home, where they can finally relax. Gifted people can also be sensitive to light and sound; in our homes, we control everything. They’re our safe spaces.

Again, this doesn’t have to be true for everyone. Let’s remember that every person is unique.

That leads me to Mello���he’s an example of how someone can be gifted and still be sociable. I don’t think Mello has any neurodivergence beyond his giftedness, without 2e (adhd or autism). I know there’s some debate about whether giftedness counts as a neurodivergence, but let’s assume it does for the sake of this post ahhahah

I think the most interesting trait of Mello, in terms of his giftedness, is his hyper-demanding nature. We tend to be perfectionists, extremely demanding of ourselves, which leads to low frustration tolerance. We want to achieve excellence and can become obsessive in pursuing our goals. However, we’re very likely to encounter obstacles (without obstacles there’s no growth), but we often don’t know how to deal with them. Needless to say, this ties in with Near, who is a prodigy, and with Mello’s inferiority complex.

So, why are Matt and Mello such a good match?

First of all, in Wammy’s House, Matt didn’t pose a threat to Mello. Matt was ranked third, and whether it was due to a lack of interest or difficulties with studying, he never surpassed Mello. For Mello, anything below him wasn’t important; what deserved all his attention was whatever was above him.

We have to assume they maintained some kind of friendship at Wammy’s House because years later, when Mello is left on his own, he reaches out to Matt, and Matt comes to his aid. Matt drops everything to go to him. He knows what he’s getting into, the risks involved, and yet he does it. He must have some motivation to help find Kira. And if it’s alongside his old friend, even better.

Here’s where the sociability factor comes in. How many friendships could an introverted guy have made in those five years, after losing the ‘shelter’ of an orphanage full of kids similar to him and being thrown into the real world, surrounded by neurotypical people? You get what I mean, right...? Mello must have left some sort of mark on him if Matt went all the way to New York for him. Could it be that he was already in New York? Maybe, but let me dream hahaha

Now imagine how an introvert and an extrovert, both incapable of forming and maintaining relationships with others due to that sense of being misunderstood (‘the world is neurotypical and I’ve never dealt with it’), complement each other. This makes me think about Near’s loneliness, but we’ll leave that for another day XD Matt works from the safety of home, and Mello, obsessed with success, has no problem going out because he takes the world head-on. Matt, who has likely felt somewhat useless his whole life because of his ADHD, has Mello by his side telling him “I choose you”. Matt, who might have always been a bit insecure, has Mello betting on him. Maybe because he has no other choice? Maybe, but if Mello wants to find someone else who can truly understand him, his only option is Matt.

Mello, who’s willing to blow himself up to win, then has Matt telling him, “Calm down. Stay in tonight to play video games and smoke a joint.” Mello, who has some suicidal idea for catching Kira, shares it with Matt, and Matt agrees because his brain has produced more dopamine in two months than in five years. The Kira case is a puzzle that stimulates them and gives them a purpose.

To wrap this up, I want to share a dialogue (still a rough draft) that will appear later in my fic, putting the cherry on top of this tragedy. Matt tries to dissuade Mello from pursuing the Kira case after the massive scar he earned on his face.

Matt: Why is it your duty to keep going? Why yours? Mello: Who else will do it? Who can keep up with Kira? Matt: You, right? Or Near. Or me. Because we had the sheer luck of being born with this intellect. Mello: Yes. Matt: No. You and I have no duty to a society that failed us. We don’t have to fix the problems of a society that let us rot in that institution. Is it because we’re orphans? Is that it? Do we have nothing to lose but our lives? No one to mourn us if we die? Because there are plenty of other people out there with the abilities you and I have, and I don’t see them risking their necks the way you do. They weren’t pushed to become detectives. They have something to lose; they have their families. Do you deserve to die just because no one will miss you?

And if you’ll allow me to break your heart a little more, Matt’s next thought is:

'Because it’s not even true. You’ll kill me if I lose you again.'

[puphyo]

idk if you write for chaeyoung but something with nd!little chaeyoung :(

omg absolutely i love little nd!chae! gigi and i have quite a few ideas for little chaeng, but i’m going to go over the basics w a lil drabble!

also i apologize for vanishing for a while. i was working through the summer, and i work in construction so i’d work ridiculous hours and come home exhausted so i just never could write and have spent the past few months dealing w personal struggles but am now mostly in the right headspace for this! btw asks are open and i love giving my person hcs and writing small drabbles, i don’t think i’ll be able to write a full story part for a while though :( i have some stuff coming up that will be keeping me busy :)

to the rest of the members, sometimes when chaengie is little, she can be a little overstimulating. she seeks attention in anyway she can get. whether that be dropping her (freshly filled) cup of juice on the carpet, following her unnies around and asking so many questions about everything, to swatting stuff out of the members’ hands just so they have to look at her for a bit.

all except for momo. instead of doing destructive things to seek momo’s attention, chaengie was sweet, seeing momo sitting on the couch alone was an open invitation for chaengie to sit next to her and ask momo about everything, and maybe if chaengie can convince momo to do so, they share food that either momo or one of the other members had made.

on good days, where chaengie’s neurodivergence doesn’t affect her as much, she sits happily with momo and one or two of the others, usually mina and dahyun, though hyun tends to be off in her own world. but momo listens to chaeyoung as she lays on her tummy, drawing in her sketchbook that she had been given as a gift for her small time a while ago, babbling to herself about how she should draw that and how it would look like her and her unnies when she was done, momo was always the first one to be shown what chaengie was drawing, holding her sketchbook up w a big toothy smile and a “wha’ think momo unnie??”

momo always smiles, takes a moment to look at the details, smiling when she noticed details about herself or the others, always gave chae a hug and told her it was so pretty and they had to go show the other unnies. chaeng would smile, her free hand flapping at her side and her little feet stomping on the floor in her joy, and practically drag momo out of whatever cozy position she was in to go show her unnies.

on bad days, however, where chaeyoung just has so much energy that she can’t get out, she gets overstimulating to a lot of the members. she vocally stims, making noises that affect the more noise sensitive members (mostly tzuyu, but sometimes hyunnie as well) or playing with three separate types of toys at the same time. playing with blocks, stuffies and somehow also drawing was a common sight for the twice members, and sometimes, she’s loud. it’s not that she means to be, she always promises she does her best, but she can’t seem to notice how loud she can be when she’s too full of energy.

but once she’s finally tuckered herself out, she can always be found by momo as long as momo is at the dorm, where she tends to be when chae is small, knowing the others struggle to care for a little one w adhd like chaeng has. tzuyu might be mostly nonverbal and sana is convinced tzu is on the autism spectrum, and jeongyeon, in the occasion she regresses tending to have ocd tendencies, like they only come out when she’s small, chaengie is a different ball park. only momo’s been able to keep up w the energy of small chaengie, happily dancing and playing with her, running up and down the halls only for momo to pick her up when momo loses the race (on purpose, but don’t tell chae) out of pride of the little one winning, for her to shout happily and then want to do it all over again, and sometimes, momo and mina both handle chaeyoung, mina’s calm presence helping chaeng calm down to where she falls asleep, lying on her tummy after a long day of being the resident hyper little one, momo will oick the little up from the floor, lie down with chaeyoung in chae’s bed, and both of them take a nap together.

chaeyoung curls into momo in her sleep, her hands grabbing at momo’s shirt and moving as close as she can be, momo wraps her arms around chae and presses a kiss to her forehead, tells chaeyoung she loves her, despite the little one being asleep, and despite momo trying to stay awake multiple occasions, she takes a nap w her little one, knowing when chaeng wakes up it will either be another chaotic day if she’s small, or a slightly less chaotic day if she’s not in her small headspace.

[despazito]

like i have such conflicting feelings about the pathologizing of mental illness nowadays and the culture it creates. i think the need to have ones dx, at least in my case, was driven by a fundamental urge for validation that what i’m feeling isn't just a phase or something that will sort itself out. i think women especially have had our pain and struggles so minimized, i had lows wishing i just had a broken leg so others could at least see my pain. i clung to my dx and feet like waving it to the world shouting its not just in my head!! i’m not just lazy!!

in some ways getting the dx is like getting a pedigree for your fucked up brain. like this isnt some backyard bred tiktok adhd, this is PUREBRED adhd with the papers to prove it!!! all these women like myself who were looking for a voice and affirmation through dx to prove they “aren’t just one of those girls who’s too sensitive and googled their symptoms”, but now that’s also created its own trope of “overdiagnosed girl in her 20s” and there’s a whole new stereotype to mock and invalidate. there’s just no winning, it really feels like our pain will never get taken seriously by society to matter which route we take to get heard we are dismissed.

but of course these slips of paper become vital if you need any assistance or accommodations, so they are incredibly beneficial to have.

my issue is the more i reflect, the more i do feel like many emotional disturbances or brain funkiness ESPECIALLY depression and anxiety are the result of, or at least become more aggravated, by unluckiness in your childhood relationships and the narrative we created about it. turns out you don’t need to be textbook abused to have adverse experiences, and a failure to have a healthy secure relationship to your primary caregiver fucks with you for life but nobody wants to talk about that. i do think we live in a society here in canada where parental rights to parent how their want is overstepping on the child’s right to have the healthiest possible environment to be raised in. i had spent years reading about the lifelong effects of parental deprivation or bad socialization in dogs and parrots before reading about it in humans, and i think we forget how much humans are also animals.

but the thing is you can work on relationships, you can begin to process trauma. when i tell myself “i’m a person with anxiety” it feels really loaded with a sense of finality that i will always live this way.. the more i use that language the more futile it feels about ever improving, when so often depression and anxiety are the result of deeper unresolved issues. I see so many people with phobias or fears resign to living painful lives than trying to work on any exposure or processing their fears. i’d still be miserable if i never worked through my intense fears of intimacy, i was perfectly resigned to a life of being alone and thought i was content with that.

turns out growing up with trauma can cause the same unfocused and disorganized presentation as clinical adhd.i’ll admit i didn’t like learning that one, as adhd already has so many deniers my kneejerk response was anger at my adhd being invalidated. but i think a lot of adhd people fall somewhere in between that venn diagram, and rejecting a traumagenic theory for some people’s symptoms means they will be prescribed the wrong treatment plan. and this is why all treatment plans put emphasis on talk therapy just as much as pharmacological intervention.

obviously some things aren’t the result of your childhood! your mom yelling at you doesn’t cause autism, but chances are if you’re autistic and had cruddy support you’ll face more adversities and mental health struggles than a good supportive environment. similarly, you could’ve grown up with all the love and support to thrive but one day your thyroid decides it’s time to make you feel like roadkill.

idk, what i’m trying to say is don’t corner yourself or resign from living life because of your mental health dx or think that you’ll never get better because you “have” this, chances are there’s always room to feel better. the most hurtful thing is our inner voice if it’s internalized negative language, and there’s exercises you can practice to drill more positive or at least neutral nonjudgemental language into your inner critic. because even if you have something that will never be cured, the way we talk to ourselves about it is a variable we have some power over.

the narrative part experiencing trauma is uniquely human. some people will experience horrible things and internalize the negativity or self blame, but resilient people have better prognosis because they have ability to frame things in a narrative that don’t assign self blame, and critiques the behaviour instead of the self. because so many complications and struggles arise out of kicking ourselves when we’re down. but the thing is this usually can’t happen on its own, we need to see this modeled by the people around us. but thankfully if we missed the boat, we CAN retrain that voice

anyway that’s my musings from my perspective. for anyone curious here’s a lecture that really resonated with me, its got some hard hitting truths i didn’t want to hear but sometimes you gotta hear things that make you uncomfortable

[markerofthemidnight]

🏳️‍🌈 as many as you want.

🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

Oh, shit! No specific fandom in mind or anything?! HOLY SHIT YOU BET I’M GONNA MAKE THE MOST OF THIS!

(warning: rant incoming (under cut))

Hatchetfield (specifically The Lords in Black)

I’ve already talked about my headcanons for their sexualities on a different ask, so let me just run through any specific mental stuff I think they may have…

Tinky definitely has ADHD or something similar, Pokey probably has some kind of antisocial disorder which is why he’s… Like That™️, and maybe autism too (noise sensitivity). I’ve also called Wiggly a narcissist a few times, and while I stand by the fact that that could be the case, I don’t want to make a statement like that about a disorder that I don’t know all too well.

They all go by he/it mainly. They’re fine with any pronouns, though.

Project: Eden’s Garden

I’m not going to give any disorder to Tozu because I think it’s much more fitting for him to just be… straight-up insane rather than having any undiagnosed mental thingy (though ADHD is a possibility, short attention span and all.) He’s definitely somewhere in the ace spectrum, if you ask me! I’d personally like to say panromantic and asexual. And obviously, his race is British.

Mara is also somewhere on the ace spectrum, though I haven’t decided where. I’m not sure what kind of mental illness she might have, though probably something trauma-related like PTSD knowing the kind of story the devs will probably give her.

Other than that, lemme run through the students really quick… Eva is also also somewhere on the ace spectrum, Eloise has an inferiority complex, Damon has DEFINITELY had some very non-straight thoughts that he’s in denial about… oh, and Kai goes by he/they, though wether that’s just for the clout or if they’re genuinely genderqueer is up for debate!

Chonny Jash (GOD it’s been a while since I mentioned that name huh?)

You will pry my headcanon that the Headspace is just the result of a really weird plural disorder from my cold, dead hands. Other than that, Heart and Mind are both autistic, just in different ways (Heart has sensory problems, Mind is antisocial with a tendency to take everything literally, and both have special interests). Soul definitely has something too, but I’m not sure what.

They’re all gay as shit, but to different extents (Soul is straight up homosexual, Heart is pan with a preference for men, and Mind is grey-homoromantic aseuxal).

Finally, they all grew up in Australia but moved to the states at some point in their life (hence their accents. Their old one comes back sometimes depending on their emotions.)

Dreams of an Insomniac

Alex is gay. So gay. I don’t know why they just give off those vibes.

Dr Lankmann is aro/ace, and doesn’t understand people who feel any kind of attraction at all. As in, some of his closest followers have had to talk him out of dissecting the brains of allo people multiple times.

We already know that all Veldigun are aro/ace, and mainly go by he/it pronouns, but if I were to add to that: The Flock goes by they/it, and Simon goes by he/they and is only referred to as “it” by those who don’t trust him.

And, while you’ve given me the opportunity… eh, why the hell not? SNG&D HEADCANONS LETS GOOOOOO (spoilers ahead but honestly I don’t think you care)

SNG&D

(JJ and Ricky are from SpiffyNeedleGeeks’ now-cancelled Curse of Strahd campaign, and played by Lettersent (or Dion, he’s fine with either))

First off, they’re both aro/ace. Like, SO aro/ace. These are children we’re talking about, after all.

We already know they have OSDD canonically, but a very specific headcanon I’ve had for a long time is that they’re also autistic! Mainly because generally their vibes remind me of my own autistic ass, but also because LOOK AT THEM. LOOK AT JJ’S BLANK FUCKING AUTISM CREATURE STARE.

JJ’s autism manifests mainly in the way he acts. Again, the blank stare he canonically does 99% of the time, his tendency to stay futher away from the group (especially before he really learns to trust the rest of the party), the sort of silent nervousness he has around strangers contrasted by the rabid little bastard he becomes when he’s around people he dislikes (in a different way to Ricky taking control) all give me a lot of autistic vibes.

Ricky, however, is a bit harder to categorise. Mainly because most of these are just my headcanons, but… eh. I like to think that he’s, to an extent, a bit noise-sensitive (part of the reason why he doesn’t like social situations besides just being terrible at them), we already know he’s touch-averse canonically, and he’s got a big aversion to certain tastes and textures (though that’s less due to the autism and more due to the fact that he’d literally never eaten before in his life until like a week ago).

This also adds a much funnier layer to why he’s so overprotective of JJ. It’s not just because, y’know, he was born specifically to protect him, but also because it’s literally his special interest. Whenever someone asks him something about him, it probably takes all the strength he has to resist the urge to ramble for hours.

Aside from that, the brothers also both gained PTSD from everything they’ve been through. While I’m fairly sure it’s canon that Ricky has PTSD from their death, I like the idea that JJ has some too that he more or less got over in the years between their death and meeting the party. (The sight of a Displacer Beast still puts him on edge, though.)

…Sorry, I just- I had to get that off my chest.

I could talk about my headcanons for some of their other characters more, but I think I’ve been ranting on too much (besides, it’s mainly JJ and Ricky I have headcanons for anyways, as they are by far my favourites).

[rembiee]

WARNING! Descriptions and photos of bugs like arachnids(spiders) Mantises, and more creepy crawly guys!

Entemologist-ADHD rant here!!

I was recently added in a post by my sibling that inspired me to write this.

For the record I have low functioning ADHD and possibly Autism as well, and dyslexia. One of my biggest fixations are bugs, insects, arachnids, and all alike.

People are scared and terrified of bugs! I’m sure everyone agrees or understands that. I do. Even some entomologists do. I know I do. I remember a cicada flew into my home when I was in texas and spazzed out. Out of hysteria I begged the cat to kill it. I had immediately guilt for the little guy when I picked him up and went outside—I had a panic attack and cried. Especially when my step mom dame outside to check on me and saw the bug, she ran off.

Being afraid of bugs is our human nature. That tiny—or BIG creepy crawlies don’t sit right with us. I love bugs! And yet I am TERRIFIED of skinny flying bugs.

But please. Please. Do not kill them out of pure hate or for laughs. I may come off as an “emotional” person on this topic. But really, I have raging amounts of empathy and morality. I am autistic. And classified as someone who “overreacts” or is just “sensitive.” I’ve been called that my whole life. But bugs raised me. When I was little, going through all the crap I did? Bugs were there with me. I love them.

Ants and bugs are more hard working than 98% of the human population. I’m gonna be brutally honest. A lot of us are no better than lice. We consume, we pro create, and raise those kids to be like us—when all humans do is litter, waste, and contaminate mother earth. Thats not to say we’re all like that. But a lot of us are. I used to be.

We do not live above life. Above animals, and bugs. We live WITH them. We evolved with them. They were here first.

That’s not what I’m here to say though. I’m here to say that bugs don’t choose to be bugs. To be small, tiny, creepy and crawly. We dont choose to be humans. It’s who we are. And honestly. Despite being a a human who has dealt with it, I can’t hate lice. I can’t hate bugs like bed bugs, or mosquitoes either. You’re not born CHOOSING to be a parasite. Ofc I don’t like them. But bugs don’t choose to be who they are. They are tiny creetoors who shouldn’t be killed because you CAN.

Just because you can. Doesn’t mean you should. You can hurt people. You can kill people. You can litter, and graffiti and be a d1ck. But it doesnt mean you should. I believe heavily in karma and reincarnation.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Because tiny souls shouldn’t be tormented and stepped on for being them. Ofc there will be accidents or times of pure hysteria. Just like I had. I step on ants all the time—not on purpose of course. But it happens. I’ll kill mosquitoes when they land on me without thinking—because that’s the human instinct. I’d never be mad at someone for killing flies or mosquitoes. They’re annoying and sometimes painful. But they don’t choose to be at the top of hated insects. You know?

Nothing chooses to be a pest.

Bugs are little—or big guys who are trying to live in a world where humans just—hate them. For living—being them.

Heres some examples of bugs that are often feared:

Praying Mantises. They’re known for their praying pose(hence their name) and big ol eyes that look like they’re always look at you.

They’re 99% harmless. Sometimes they may be considered pests to some plants. But to humans and animals?? Harmless. They have sharp spines on their arms, but its to grab on and it doesn’t hurt. Despite being carnivorous and literally eating BIRDS and animals bigger than them, they do not care for humans. Their bug eyes are for a 3D vision and a wide view. Some can fly. And honestly most mantises avoid humans.

They do not care for you.

Spiders(mainly talking about Daddy longlegs, black widdows, and Brown recluses. Seeing as people are terrified of those.)

It’s ofc recommended to avoid Widows and Recluses. But they are not after you. They will not go out of their way to chase you and kill you or eat you—or even scare you. These little guys are 100% more scared of you than you are of them.

Brown recluses are a reclusive species(hence the name) of spider. They are extremely venomous, more than some snakes—but they will not go through a long process of biting and injecting you unless they feel threatened. They tend to only bite if they sense fear, or you’re being rough/messing with them.

Same with Black widows. Aka the Latrodectus. In general are known as The Window spider. Since there are Brown widows, and red widows as well. They won’t go out of their way to be assholes. They’re just living among us. (Haha funny game reference)

Last but not least is Daddy long legs(harvestmen) and Cellar spiders! I used to think they were the same, but they’re not! They’re in the same family, but Cellar spiders reside in the corners of houses. So do Harvestmen spiders. But Harvestmen are more found outside. They both can not bite, nor pinch! I pick up Harvestmen spiders all the time! Heres a photo of ME holding one!!

They’re very nice to pick up, and actually initially will fall off just to get away from you.

With that being said, I just wanted to prove that a few commonly feared bugs honestly aren’t all as they seem. Of course you should avoid venomous and deadly ones, regardless if you think it’s going to bite you or not. But please. If you can. Cup it with a cup, and get a plate or paper, take the little faller outside. Hems in there for the AC, or for the food. Not there to kill you.

I’m going to close this by saying thank you for anyone who was dragged through this whole thing and read till the end🤲 Bugs appreciate your mercy man. Take some photos of me holding bugs!!(including a frog cause he’s a tiny guy)

(3rd one is the cicada i had a panic attack over)

[galacticscrotum]

Hello!

I don’t really like introducing myself.

I get stressed out trying to capture the essence of who I am in a reasonable amount of words. I’m far too complex for that. Not in a “I’m so complicated and cool and mysterious” way, but more of a “I literally don’t even fully have a grasp on my own existence” way.

So instead of trying to summarize my personality, I’ll just list some random things I’d like you to know if you follow me :) (If it’s too long to read, I put key info in bold)

My name is Em, it’s nice to meet you!

I’ve rotated around the sun 22 times. No wonder I’m dizzy.

I am autistic and have ADHD and CPTSD. All three conditions are intrinsically linked for me, I cannot fully relate to any of the conditions on their own without the other two.

I have several symptoms of BPD (abandonment issues go brrrrr)

I never want to speak over people with higher support needs so please (respectfully) tell me if something I say is incorrect or offensive.

Autism and neurodivergence are huge special interests of mine! (Comorbidities hellooo)

I have a ridiculous and sarcastic sense of humor. I’m a goose that is rather silly.

Communicating requires a lot of my energy, so I don’t like any criticism on how I do it, like how often I punctuate or what words I use. I’m doing my best to get my thoughts from my internal realm to the outside world.

I love to learn about anarchy and communism. Even more, I love learning about and imagining better ways of life outside of any common ideologies.

I am fucking queer as fucking shit.

My pronouns are they/them. she/he are okay too

I edit this post a lot.

I love you and I want to be your friend :)

I use :) a lot and I will not stop :)

I love The Sims 4! (I have three of the expansion packs, city living, cottage living, and cats and dogs, and I do use cheats, and I have wicked whims because tiddies)

I am half Slavic/Balkan and that’s important to me because I was disconnected and removed from my culture when I was 5. (Other half is boring western European white American). Began to reconnect with my culture when I turned 18.

Learning languages is sooo fun for me! Def a big special interest. I’m semi-fluent in Spanish, and have little knowledge of: Portuguese, Mandarin, Serbian, Russian, Hungarian, toki pona (this one is so fucking cool to me).

I love music and sharing recommendations! I used to play several instruments including viola, violin, cello, guitar, and piano. Viola is forever my main instrument. Haven’t played in a while though.

Music genres I like: reggaeton, Afrobeats, house/techno/EDM, 2000-2010s pop, Serbian folk/pop, Mexican/Chicano rap, Spanish guitar, punk rock, Falling in Reverse (genre of its own tbh).

I’m very interested in the origins of humanity, early human migration, language evolution, and related topics.

I like to sew and embroider :)

I’m not religious. I have been finding my own spirituality with Mother Earth and I love it. I like learning about others’ beliefs. I don’t care what your religion is, I’ll accept you as long as you’re not in my DNI list :)

As a queer, neurodivergent, mentally ill person, I will reclaim slurs if I choose to. If that offends you, block me. I’m not here to cater to your sensitivities, I’m here to freely express myself. The language is not being used towards you, you’re just being a cop.

Anonymous asks are now OFF because y’all can’t fucking behave 🙄

DNI: under 18, homophobes, transphobes, racists, bigots, bootlickers, ableists, misogynists, porn blogs, general assholes (I LOVE BLOCKING YOU BITCHES!!!!)

If you’re under 18 and want to interact just DNI with any of my posts labeled nsfw/mdni.

Thanks for reading :) Always open to questions! And memes. The more absurd the better.

[emmaelt]

On being diagnosd with AUDHD

It’s so unbelievable. I’m learning so much about myself this year, I keep joking I’m having an ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ year but it’s just ‘Body, Brain’. Maybe there's another B I'll find before the year is out.

With perspective, I don’t think I’ve really ever had depression - the only antidepressant I’ve tried is one that works best for ADHD people and now I know that that’s me it makes sense! - I think I’ve had meltdowns, burnout, and sensory issues the entire time? And I just always (tried to) push through and do my best but it’s never really gotten any better for me and my brain.

But now it’s like my entire life has been foggy and blurry and I’ve got glasses! Like my mum's story about getting glasses as a child and realising the trees have leaves from far away, or looking up and seeing actual stars. I feel like that’s what Adderal has done to me this week. But not just with being able to finally have a singular thought, but also in terms of day to day stuff that used to be actually painful for me.

I can put my clothes away now without crying first? And I still get sensory issues with stacking the dishwasher, but I don’t need to like psyche myself up for it as much. I’m not constantly narrating my own actions or having like an internal debate about every single fucking thing I have to do? The Autism stuff is still there - I’m reading this really fascinating book called ‘Unmasking Autism’ by Dr Devon Price that's really fucking me up (in a good way). But now that I know why I find things difficult, I can ask for things I need. I'm beginning to understand my own needs after supressing them for so long.

I went to the hygienist earlier in the month, and for the first time in my entire life I did not cry in my car from overstimulation after because I wore earplugs and had my noise cancelling headphones? And when I booked my haircut (first in over a year!) I told them I’d get overwhelmed and I don’t like wet hair on my neck and I’d wear headphones/earplugs, and the lovely person said if it was too loud they’d do it upstairs where it was much quieter! Who knew that I could ask for things I need, and most people would accomodate me?

I also am starting to let people know when I’m talking to them that I’m audhd and they seem to like me more? I don’t know, that one’s hard to explain, but the book I mentioned says that phenomenon is backed by experiments and research?

My brain is just 100 miles an hour but all going in the same direction now instead of bouncing about in a chamber like atoms or something. I can follow one cohesive thought from the moment I have it. Difficult (bad/negative/troubling/intrusive) thoughts are harder right now, because I can't distract myself from them as well.

So far on the meds - I know that my body always overreacts to meds/is more sensitive, so we started at a really low dose and even so, wow. I was more productive on Sunday afternoon (first dose at 6am that day) than I had been for the entirety of October. I currently have 0 unread emails and it’s revolutionary for me. My husband actually made me take a break because he didn’t want me to burn out, but even so I went to bed 4 hours later than normal… getting maybe 7 hours of sleep from my usual 10 I require is quite a difference for me - and I woke up at 5am Monday ready to go? Who is she?!?!

My brother said he feels that starting meds later in life compounded its positive impacts, as he developed so many coping mechanisms he wound't have otherwise. He said it was like going from 85% effective (70% base + 15% coping mechanisms) to 115%.

I’m so glad he feels that way, but I think maybe he has much lower support needs than I do, maybe because I’m both autistic and ADHD? I would have taken this medication over all of my struggling to learn how to barely manage (not thrive, I feel) any day. I feel like I’ve only ever had maybe 40% effectiveness, even with coping mechanisms. Even with being from an extremely privileged background, being highly educated, and really fucking smart.

How are other people without those things expected to manage?! None of my friends are even able to be seen on the NHS, as their GP's won't even refer them. I’m trying to not feel really devastatingly bad that I’m having such a different experience than them.

I was fortunate enought to have a parent who was proactive, she took me to like a new child psychologist or educational therapist every year when I was at primary school. They diagnosed me with dyslexia, but actually I’m hyperlexic. I eventually got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I got medicated. But it never got better.

It took me 10 different private attempts (8 before I turned 18, 2 since), and the Doctor who diagnosed me with ADHD said I was ‘very clearly over the line for both inattentive and hyperactivity’. I’m really struggling with that because… I’ve got better coping mechanisms now? How could they not tell???? Well, they didn't acknowledge you could be both autistic and adhd until 2013 or something ridiculous, and girls were so rarely diagnosed with autism in the 2000's - so it makes sense I went undiagnosed. I’m really frustrated for my mum, because she spent so much time and effort trying to help me. But there was genuinely nothing she could have done.

Having context for my experiences along with this medication has been life altering... I feel I’ve unlocked my brain’s actual potential and I’m so devastated for past me that I wasn’t able to make the most of my younger years to be this version of me. I found everything so hard for so long... it's going to be really interesting to see what my life looks like from now on.

[babyspacebatclone]

I’ve been meaning to get something like this done for a bit, and this post from @my-autism-adhd-blog gave me the nudge to type it out.

I’m keeping it here in my own post, though, to not clog their notes too much. 😅

I’m sure anyone with an invisible illness or neurodivergence has had to come up against the idea of “Well, back in my day, no one ever had [very real problem you are suffering from], we just bucked up and deal with life!”

Oh, really?

Do you [theoretical irritating naysayer] know when the term anaphylaxis was coined?

You know, “hypersensitivity (as to foreign proteins or drugs) resulting from sensitization following prior contact with the causative agent”?

The potentially fatal reaction where people can lose the ability to breathe? A very real, repeatedly proven reality for a large segment of the population?

It was created in 1905.

(I’d go into more about the individual who named it, but he also subscribed to a lot of the worst fields of thought in the early 20th century and therefore we shall move on.)

On the other hand, we have writings explicitly referencing horse allergies from the turn of BCE to CE (one of the sons of Roman Emperor Claudius), among others.

What we now recognize as Seasonal Allergies have been identified around the 16th century, under names like “rose catarrh” (as in, a believed reaction to roses, most likely a reaction to the pollen of other plants during their blooming season) and “summer asthma” (asthma being used as a general term for an ability to breathe).

What fascinates me is the end of the 18th century, where

Seasonal allergic rhinitis was now often observed and recognized. The term “hay fever” replaced “rose cold.” Physicians believed seasonal allergies were an aristocratic disease because it was most commonly diagnosed among the upper class. (emphasis mine, taken from document described below)

Huh, I wonder why upper class people would be the ones most diagnosed with seasonal allergies? I wonder what myriad of reasons could lead the financially secure to seek out personal aide for non-debilitating but extremely uncomfortable symptoms?

Not the least of which being a lifestyle which allows it to be merely non-debilitating.

Anyway….

At some point I want to fully read this summary of the book Ancestors of Allergy edited by F. Estelle R. Simons (as getting my hands on the text itself would be more effort than it’s worth for me personally). What I’ve skimmed thus far is fascinating.

Here’s a timeline from those 16th century misclassifications of seasonal allergies to the present understanding of allergic reactions (as the source from that one quote from above):

It’s humbling to see the development of understanding and acceptance towards a medical condition we take existing for granted nowadays.

On the other hand, the length of time it took to clarify these experiences when they have indisputable physical symptoms (if sometimes difficult to identify triggers) can be disheartening when we thing about where the scientific community currently is regarding mental health, neurodivergence, and invisible illnesses.

But my main take away in this review of the history of allergies:

It was never new. It had always been there, people had always suffered from it. The only things that changed were the public perception of the condition and the treatments afforded to people struggling under things other people dismiss.

@my-autism-adhd-blog ‘s post about dismissive attitudes towards neurodivergence, specifically Autism and ADHD, which reminded me I wanted to share this all with my pocket friends and anyone it breaks containment for.

[thatadhdfeel]

Hi! I've been thinking about this for..probably weeks, so I decided to ask—

TL;DR: I haven't been officially diagnosed with ADHD but I'm suspected of having it, can I still say that I have it or I shouldn't?

For more information and a bit of rambling probably:

I've been interested in psychology (mainly disorders) for years now (I'm still a minor), when I was 10 I stumbled upon depression on TikTok. I related to a lot of stuff but I didn't want to self-diagnose, I ended up researching alot— I'd spend hours! I related heavily to everything, but I brushed it off as "I probably don't have it" Like 2-3 years later my mother took me to a psychologist and I got diagnosed with depression— so that's a thing. Ever since then I've been going to a psychologist every week (This is for a little background info)

I've recently (like in January I think) been to group therapy (5 people in total (all afab, although I identify as nonbinary) +2 psychologists), it was 2 weeks long and we had to stay in a mental hospital. The first day one of my therapy partners asked me if I had ADHD— I said no, since I'm not diagnosed— so that was interesting—

After the 2 weeks were over we talked about it with the psychologists and my mom, they also mentioned that they thought I had ADHD—

Ever since then I was wondering if I had it (my Psychologist said that I'll get tested etc before the end of the school year but I haven't heard anything else about it since then). I heard about ADHD back then (years ago) and related a little but never got that interested in it and brushed it off as "I don't have it". But now ever since the group therapy I've been researching ADHD (and autism, that's another thing that I'll get into later) and I heavily relate to everything and it just clicked! I've always felt different, I was always told that I was different (also that I'm overly sensitive etc) and everything just...well..clicked— so yeah, my question is, am I 'allowed' to say that I have it?

And about the autism thing that I was talking about— I don't think I'm autistic, although I relate to a few stuff.

Also, my dad thought I was autistic for...reasons and I was taken to a psychologist (or psychiatrist, I don't remember) but they said that I don't have it (we were there 3 times, I don't remember any of it)

I also completed tests and all of them were at the cusp (barely above or below)—

If I have ADHD, then it would make sense since there can be overlaps and stuff, especially since both of them are neurodiversity

I really hope that I get diagnosed with it. If they say that I don't have it idk what I'll do (one of my friends also got weirded out when I told her that I want to get diagnosed, "why do you want that?")

If you answer this, thank you for your time and energy! I'm sorry for the block text

I hope you'll have a great day!!

Okay well first of all that friend is being blatantly ignorant, there’s definitely benefits that come with being diagnosed like medication and proper treatment…the hell does she mean by “why”…

Anyways —

I am fully in support of self diagnosis as is this blog, and people questioning ADHD are also more than welcome. You saying you have ADHD until you find out whether it’s true or not is not going to hurt a single soul. If you find ADHD resources and communities helpful, there is zero harm in finding solace in those.

If you end up having ADHD, great, you have a name for the experience! And if not? Well, in the meantime, you learned a lot, advocated for yourself, and communicated with your therapy partners+psych. I think that’s pretty special and worth it.

I hope all goes well. Feel free to come back and update us on what happens! I’d love to know.

[the-frankenmost]

Alright so, I don’t talk about my canon openly very much, but I think there’s at least two people who want to hear about here so I’m just gonna ramble.

I don’t remember a lot before Gloomsvile so we’re not getting much of a “backstory” here :/ sorry. I do remember that it was only Mom though. I was a total momma’s boy. Len was very obviously the favorite though. I don’t really want to get into that here. I had (and still have) ADHD and Autism. Can’t comment on Len too much because memory is still very fragmented, but he definitely was not neurotypical. I was a very sensitive little guy while Len was the more rough and tough boy. Mom would call me a cry baby a lot. Len and I were twins, we weren’t born conjoined. I don’t remember how we died which is probably a good thing. Len loved creepy crawlies, I did not. He’d play with worms and I’d just be there freaking out. Still really don’t like the squirmy type.

Came to Gloomsville in search of more and stayed because, Ruby, duh. R.I.P Actually hit it off In Gloomsville and the neighboring towns. I remember the first time we made it into the paper, Ruby threw a big party and Len and I ate too much and got sick lol.

One time Skullboy thought he was related to a long line of Rock Stars and tried to get us to let him join the band. I’m named Frank for a reason (jk). Shut that shit down quick. Dude sucks at music. I think Iris AND Misery had had crushes on us for a while but that was extremely short lived. I don’t think anyone in that house was straight

(-Poe & Skull Boy) but I was probably the last one to come out for reasons we’ll get to later.

This is where the memories get more frequent and also a bit more sensitive. Read ahead at your own risk please.

Len and I had a medical emergency one night and for some reason the only solution the doctors could think of was to separate us, we were so far gone when they had us sign a waiver so neither of us could comprehend what was happening. Woke up in my own hospital bed in my own hospital room. Good lord the fear I felt that afternoon. Apparently Len had been freaking out way worse because he’d woken up like two days before I did. Shit was terrifying. You’d think “oh well now you get to experience privacy!” Fuck that I want my brother. I don’t remember exactly what had been wrong but both of us needed several different transplants, I got a new stomach. With that came new stomach issues. Could no longer have a lot of favorite foods or I’d get really sick. Len got off easy, I’m happy for him. We both got new dicks because we’d shared one. God bless that decision holy shit.

It was shortly after the emergency separation is when my mental health started to decline and I had that big meltdown that Skull Boy found reason enough to break my nose. In all fairness he’d thought I’d shoved Ruby when really I’d just startled her pretty bad. Not much better in my opinion. She didn’t deserve that. The guilt is what drove me to go hide in the woods surrounding the house. I’d originally planned to cool off and then lock myself in the garage for a while but fate had other plans for me that night. Took a tumble all the way down that huge hill the house sat on. I tried to find my way back home, I really did I promise. But I’d been so exhausted and was so lost I’d ended up in the neighboring town in the complete opposite direction of the house. I was lost in those woods for so long I’d kinda lost it a bit. My brain convinced me that there was nothing for me back home and that they didn’t want me there anymore. Kinda exiled myself at that point. Some guy found me collapsed in the snow and took me to him place to fix me up so I wouldn’t die out there. Definitely would have if he hadn’t found me. He’s the one who gave me the train ticket and the deed to the farm in Pelican town.

The train ride took days to get to Zuzu city. I slept the whole time anyway so don’t remember much. Lewis met me at the station and escorted me to the bus to the town. Passed out on the bus and woke up in the hospital, again. Getting real sick of that. Harvey thought Lewis had brought him a corpse at first so when I’d woken up he freaked out. Comforting. People would come visit. They were so nice. Got released from the hospital and Lewis and Robin showed me to the Farm. I miss the farm to this very day. I’d give anything to go back. Got the place all cleaned up with Robin’s help. Hid in the old cottage, refusing to come out for a month or so. Finally decided to try planting the seeds Caroline had given me to start the garden. Was very cynical about it until the little baby seedlings popped up. Immediately was hooked. I’d sit on the steps leading to the patio and just talk to the little guys. Random chicken showed up on my property one day and that’s when I’d met Jas, Vincent and Charlie. Jas was fascinated while Vincent was dragging her away from the farm screaming and crying that I was going to eat them. Only came outside to water after that. I’d catch Jas snooping around the property. She reminded me of Ruby so I’d get sad. She’d leave little flowers from the fields surrounding the ranch just south of the farm. Those flowers kept me chugging during that period of time. Eventually decided I wanted to keep Chickens for company so I made my way to the ranch. That’s when I met Marnie and Shane. Marnie had Shane help me with building the coop and the run. Didn’t say much. Marnie took it upon herself to keep pressuring him to come help on the farm after a while. He’d never really say much to me. We all know where that ended up.

Shane and I would talk more and more with each visit. Jas would come help too. I got fairly dependent on their visits. As Shane and I would talk more we’d get closer. We officially started dating about six months after I’d first got there. I was happy for the first time in ages, and so was he.

Things carried on as they were for two years until the big Stardew County fair. I was cleaning up my little booth when I heard a familiar voice shouting my name. I don’t know how or why they’d decided to attend this fair of all the other fairs and festivals but they’d found me. Len quickly went from sobbing in relief that I was alive to throttling me. Oh ho ho he was pissed when he found out about Shane. Had to pry him off of him. Poor Shane was so rattled. We had a big sit down talk with everyone. Skull Boy couldn’t even look me in the eyes. I could tell he blamed himself for my disappearance, and that made me feel terrible. Ruby never gave up on looking for me.

Everything eventually went back to normal. They’d come visit fairly regularly. Len would just show up unannounced sometimes but I liked it. Shane didn’t. Shane and I eventually got married and this is where you’d think it was happily ever after. I wish that was the case. I really do. I don’t remember the exact amount of time between that and my eventual, untimely death. It wasn’t long enough though. I was so happy. I had my friends back. I had my brother back. I was married with an adopted daughter, though Jas continued to refer to me as “ Uncle Frank” I didn’t mind though. I’d told Shane I was going to the mines and he practically begged me not to go because I’d previously gotten hurt down there, but I’m a hard headed, stubborn idiot. He knew he couldn’t stop me so instead he came along. I don’t know what happened down there, as I’ve blocked it out but something terrible obviously. Shane carried me all the way to Harvey’s, but it was too late. There was nothing anyone could do.

And now I’m here. Anyway, it’s 2am so I’m going to sleep now. I’m certain there are typos but I can’t be bothered. Goodnight.

[lif3isstrange]

Ask gameeeeeee 🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖 (for research purposes this emoji needed to be used 🧐)

1. 14 and it sucked because of all the stigma around autism. People make it seem like this awful thing and that you’re just a fancy word for dumb, then I moved on but got upset because I felt like I was being a burden on everyone with my picky eating and sensory meltdowns but my psychiatrist said ‘don’t be angry at yourself for the way you are, be angry with the world, it’s the worlds fault for not fitting with you, not the other way around’. I was like damn she’s worth the money 🥳

2. I am in the people I live with so they all just think I bring up autism as an excuse and I’m really just a ‘spoiled brat’ 😍 my mum refuses to learn anything about autism at all and my sister said stimming was disgusting and sounded ‘sexual’ ?! My dads quite sus tho with the autism symptoms but doesn’t know how to deal with it🤨

3. I have adhd aswell so they both love to conflict 🥰, my autism thrives in routine but my adhd loves chaos, my autism wants to be quiet and focused and my adhd wants to look at how the tree kinda looks like that one from two years ago and loudly blab about something uninteresting to others 😟 it’s a lot to handle but I wouldn’t be as cool without em both so 😎

4. Yes but extremely confused and can’t be bothered to figure it out 🤩

5. That it isn’t our fault and we don’t do destructive things on purpose, we do it to try and display our feelings because we can’t really be verbal and calmly talk about them when we’re focused on how bright the lights are and how horrible and itchy our clothes start to feel. We need more time to adjust with change and so people need patience etc. many people even parents fail to understand what asd is like 🫡

6. Yes but only with another autistic so they got the sensory meltdowns but they were a bad person and liked their computer a lot more than me 💀 I love relationships as I am a very loving person and feel the need to share it but relationships are hard and extremely emotionally challenging plus I don’t trust men much anymore 😵‍💫

7. The adhd tends to come in clutch so I think it’s more my town lacks personality than me. I have a very analytical way where I will find something we are both passionate about and then ramble on about it with them then keep trying to find other things in common and go on etc. I basically treat befriending like a fun cia operation 🥸

8. My special interests aren’t as strong as other peoples but I love the game outlast 2 and the lore of it. There was so much work put into the game and theories how the speakers throughout the game were put a certain hz to brainwash the citizens into the religious insanity and the story behind the entire thing is just chefs kiss 🤌

9. Idk if this counts but probably Jacqueline Wilson books 😭 I bought and read every single book she wrote (my favourite was rose rivers) some of those books were so insane to read but I was such a bookworm. I bought every magazine she put out aswell and collected all the free gifts in them 🤭

10. Kill ur father and don’t listen to anyone bc they’re all evil 😭 I let everyone treat me like garbage and was such a sensitive little baby 😖 if I could go back I’d tell her to set everyone straight and not let anyone mess with me plus to stop being a weirdo 🤓

YAYY I DID IT AND ITS NOW 2AM

IK MY ANSWERS ARENT THAT INTERESTING BUT ENJOY!!! :)

[gryffindorpsychologyandcoffee]

Since I have some new followers on here, I figured I should reintroduce myself!

My name is Annsley and I am 24! I work as a registered behavior technician for kiddos with autism during the day, and attend classes at night for my masters in Clinical Counseling! I have just crossed the halfway point in my program and am now in advanced classes preparing for practicum and internship. I am training to be a Licensed Professional Counselor and I am hoping to graduate in May 2025!

This blog helps keep me accountable to study and work hard. I have Bipolar II and ADHD, which make it hard to study sometimes. I love what I do but my brain doesn’t always work the way I’d like it to. I want to encourage a conversation about mental health and prove that it is possible to obtain higher education even with mental health challenges and neurodivergencies. It’s not always easy, but it is possible!

My inbox is always open if you have questions for me (I am not going to provide therapy or address any sensitive topics as I am not licensed and this is not the platform for that) but if you have questions about me, grad school, or living with Bipolar and ADHD, shoot me a message!

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

it’s been over a month after my neuropysch results came in, I was originally putting off looking at them because I had stuff to do and figured I’d spiral about it if told me something I didn’t want to hear and thought I was nearly done with the things I needed to do, and then those things kept taking forever and also I was more scared of it the longer I put it off--

anyway today I just impulsively opened it, I guess on the general idea that I feel shitty enough physically that it’ll probably outweigh whatever it makes me feel otherwise, which...hmm doesn’t seem to have been the case, because I’ve been increasingly thinking I’m neurodivergent in a way that ADHD doesn’t fully explain and things like a score of 129 on the RAADS-R and my avoidance of eye contact probably mean something, BUT the diagnosis is “significant anxiety yes, major depression yes, ADHD yes, autism no” and yes I’m upset about it

basically the doctor thinks I hit a lot of autism symptoms but they can all pretty much be explained by social anxiety, which like...yes I do also have social anxiety but I just don’t think that explains everything, especially with the way I didn’t make eye contact with him for the whole interview (which he described as “fleeting” eye contact) and my sensitivity to light and noise (which I also brought up)...

I don’t know, maybe I’m just looking in the wrong place for an explanation, or maybe I would’ve gotten a different answer if I’d thought to bring those self-test scores with me, and I guess I can still contact them and say “okay but what about these other things,” which will also involve explaining why it’s taken so long to get back to them, which...is it itself more evidence for anxiety probably.

I mean, the additional confirmation of ADHD is good, even if I still don’t know what to do about it. I just don’t think the combination of that, anxiety, and depression explains everything.