#also I have to say I love their ship name

[ovegakart]

i just want to say that i really love your volgark comics (i mean your volga x dark link comics but i don’t know if this is their real ship name, so pardon me TT). and also i want to ask that would you mind if i draw them wearing your winter clothes desgin based on this artwork? i love this one so much that i can’t get rid of it 🥺💖 surely will send you as soon as i finish it and credit your desgin too!!! hope you have a great day/night 🙌

fuck. Yes. I love fanart. Also Volgark may be the funniest version of their ship name so i decree it canon. I cant wait to see your art!

[withleeknow]

wishful thinking. (08)

chapter eight: ships in the night

summary: the instruction was plain and simple: no strings attached. but you should’ve known from the beginning that it could never apply to you and him.

pairing: minho x f!reader rating: 18+ (minors dni) genres/warnings: friends to lovers, friends with benefits au, college au; fluff, angst, smut; i’ve been told this is the angstiest chapter yet saur yk you’ve been warned, mentions of past seggsy times, oc is self-deprecating self-sabotaging, oc has an anxiety attack in this one, erhm just Big Sad overall methinks, also could've been more edited but i am a godless monster word count: 7.2k note: wt is backkkkkk!! and it's the penultimate chapter omg :( lowkey nervous about how this is gonna be perceived bc i feel like my brand is Sad™️ and i haven't properly written anything Sad™️ in a WHILE. but yeah, wt8 is yours now have funnn. also ty chessica @matchannie for proofreading!!

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

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Sorry, I know that comment wasn’t funny Just wanted you to love me, but I didn’t go about it right Sometimes the best advice that I can give Is to bite my lip and listen with my big fat mouth shut tight

big fat mouth - Arlie

You don’t think you can ever forget the look on his face, the hurt in his eyes when the words had tumbled out of your mouth in a panicked frenzy. The regret was immediate, but so was the damage.

Saying things you didn’t mean, watching Minho so utterly defeated that it kills you, and the deafening silence after he had walked away from you on heavy footsteps – you can’t describe how it all felt that night. It’s just… sinking, and sinking, and sinking; endlessly spiraling in an ocean of your own guilt and despair. It’s true what they say – misery loves company.

Distractions don’t work, because whenever that overwhelming dread eases by even a fraction, you’re once again reminded by the bracelet that’s wrapped around your wrist with the tiny dove charm hanging on the side. Neither of you paid it any mind the other night, that much is clear.

You know you should return it to him eventually; it’s never belonged to you and it never will. But every time you go to take it off, you can’t bring yourself to simply undo the clasp and hide the bracelet somewhere you can’t see. It lets you delude yourself into thinking that you haven’t lost him even after what you said, even after you stomped on his heart and left it bleeding where you stood. 

You’d been upset, thinking that you were the only one falling, terrified that you’d crash headfirst into the cold, hard ground because there’d be nobody to catch you. And yet, when Minho told you he loved you, it provided you no relief at all. The fear magnified tenfold, taking over you until you couldn’t see straight, until it consumed you whole.

Home is something you find, and you’ve found it in him. Your sun and your spring and your home, and everything good that you can ever name.

All your life, something is always missing, an empty space that you never learned how to fill. Like when you exit a room and there’s a nagging feeling in your gut telling you that you’ve forgotten something even though all of your belongings are accounted for. Like when you lose your favorite ring, one that’s a little too loose but beloved anyway, slipping over your knuckle without your permission and disappearing forever, and you keep running your fingers over where the golden band used to be until you come to terms with the fact that it’s never coming back and you’ll spend the rest of your life mourning the loss of that familiarity.

You’ve always looked for things you lost in places you’ve never been.

You just want to go home, but you know you’ll only ruin it in the end.

The problem has never been Minho or anybody else. It’s you, and how there’s something intrinsically wrong with you. You paint the ending before there’s even a beginning. You’d rather run and hide than let yourself feel anything, because if there’s happiness then there’s going to be hurt inevitably.

You don’t want him to wake up one day and look at you like you’re a stranger, to realize that he’s wasted his time and effort, that you just weren’t worth it after all. 

It’s funny how, when you’re a child, time seems to move so quickly. One minute, you’re four, maybe five years old, and your mother is refusing to speak to you because she thinks you ruined one of her bags, a large scratch running along the otherwise smooth leather surface like it’s been met with a pair of scissors or simply accumulated on her way to work and she hadn’t noticed until she got home and you happened to be in the vicinity of her anger; the next, she’s letting you relish in all your favorite desserts, cavities be damned.

One minute, you’re being rushed to the hospital with a bad case of food poisoning, your parents staring down at you as if you’re actually about to die; the next, you’re already at home, watching cartoons that you couldn’t understand but you like anyway because they’re full of pretty colors and princesses and fairies.

You don’t remember how your mother came to forgive you for the bag even though it wasn’t your fault, or what the hospital felt like or if what the doctors and nurses did to make you feel better even hurt. You only know that you wish to return to a smaller version of yourself whose memories you can’t even recall, return to a time in which you once so desperately wanted to escape from.

Now, when you’re hurt, time doesn’t pass in a blink of an eye like it used to. It stands still, sucks you down a vortex and makes you feel everything. 

No one ever really warns you about growing pains, that they’re unavoidable no matter how hard you try to avoid them, that they can last a lifetime because you never really stop growing, and it never really seems to ache any less.

Hyunjin: Attachment: 1 Image. Hyunjin: i sent this one in  Hyunjin: u??

You’d almost forgotten about the exhibition until Hyunjin had sent you those texts. Even though you’re not one to neglect deadlines, you suppose it’s fairly reasonable that this one in particular had slipped your mind. You haven’t really been able to wrap your head around that many things after all.

Every semester, yours and Hyunjin’s department rents out a gallery near campus for a whole week to showcase students’ works. It’s nothing exclusive, nothing like a competition where they pit a couple hundred kids against each other just for a spot at a fancy art gallery. Almost anyone in the Faculty of Arts can register before the submission deadline, and you suppose that’s another reason why you’d overlooked it so easily – because you didn’t earn it. It didn’t feel special. It was just another meaningless event to attend.

Regardless, you spent a chunk of an afternoon pondering your selection though it didn’t matter that much, almost two hours dedicated to picking out paintings you realized you didn’t love. Some you even turned out to hate, even though you could remember the pride radiating from you the moments the canvas had felt the last brush stroke. Maybe the glamor eventually wore off, the momentary high that coursed through you when you’d shown your finished works to your professors and peers, and received showers of praise in return.

The piece you chose in the end wasn’t your favorite by any means, but it was one of the only pieces you could still bear to look at without nitpicking too much. It was a painting of the waters, and you’ve always loved the waters.

You could recall the day you went to the promenade by yourself with a need to be away from everyone and everything, and an overshirt that was too light to combat the September evening chill as summer transitioned into fall. You watched the sky slowly darken after the sun had disappeared from view, watched as the buildings on the other side of the river lit up one by one until they made up for the light that retired for the day.

The thin layers made you shiver – the consequence of your poor choice in clothing that night – but there was something about sitting by the waterfront after dark, kicking pebbles around underneath your feet, and the gentle caress of the wind on your face and your hair that made the cold feel welcoming. You always thought the city was more beautiful at night, more calming amidst all of its perpetual chaos. It made you feel like you were inside a dream long forgotten, took you back to a north star that you left to gather dust on an abandoned shelf.

You could recall wanting to dive into that dream again, a dream in which you could chase a perfect version of you that would never exist and find light at the end of the tunnel, instead of returning to the reality where you always wound up suffocating in darkness. You wanted to be free, free from the noise and free from your own life despite one simple truth that you knew all too well – that you could run but never from yourself.

When you were young, it’s the moon that used to follow you everywhere. As you get older, it’s all of the things that keep you up at night.

You could recall your phone buzzing to life in your bag with Minho’s name on the screen, like a sign from the universe saying “Hey, this one’s for you. Don’t drown. You have a lighthouse.” and it was as though he could sense that you were falling, like someone had tied your heart to a rock and threw it into the very river in front of you to sink to the bottom. Your friends often said he had some sort of sixth sense when it came to you. Maybe there was some truth in that.

His voice pulled you out of it, even though he only called to ask if you wanted to come over and eat the boatload of food his mom had sent. He made you want to disappear a little less and in that moment, it was enough.

You left your hiding place to go to him, to lose yourself in stupid jokes and not-too-sweet desserts even if it was only for a couple hours. And when you returned home that night, everything spilled onto the canvas just from memory alone, from the feeling that you were desperately clinging onto with your shaking hands.

You always thought you could only run away to places. You didn’t know people could be escapes too, and somewhere along the way, that was what Minho became to you — your treasured escape, your new hiding place.

You manage to avoid everyone – with the exception of Hyunjin; you do have to see him in class after all – over the two and a half weeks leading up to the exhibition, drumming up excuse after excuse to bail whenever any of them asks to grab a bite together or just to simply hang out. If they saw you, they’d notice your puffy eyes and ask if you’ve been crying. They would ask why, and you can’t find in yourself to make up a lie believable enough for that kind of question.

You think Hyunjin has noticed. He’s a bit of an idiot sometimes, but he’s not stupid and he’s still blessed with the gift of sight. He doesn’t mention anything though, despite you showing up to almost every class with puffy eyelids. You suppose you’re grateful for that.

Minho hasn’t talked to you at all since that night. Doesn’t ask you how your project’s going, doesn’t ask you about the exhibition, barely even speaks in the group chat, not even a boring comment about the weather. What were you expecting anyway? You get it, you do.

But despite the silence, you never doubted that he would show up to the exhibition. If not for you, then he would be there to support Hyunjin.

The only person who really has an inkling that something is wrong is Jess, when you were getting ready together earlier tonight and she helped you conceal your puffy eyes. She’d tiptoed around the question before settling on  asking “Everything okay?” — simple, easy, quickly dismissible if you didn’t feel like sharing.

You didn’t, and she dropped the subject because there was no point in badgering you for answers anyway. 

Chan picked the both of you up afterward, and Jess didn’t have to explain anything to him when she slipped into the backseat with you instead of riding next to her boyfriend.

Now here you are, standing in a room full of your friends and peers, wearing a black dress that Jess helped you choose, and Minho is nowhere to be found. You’d spent all day pacing around, anxious at the mere thought of seeing him and even talking to him. What you hadn’t anticipated was the disappointment, the unbearable feeling in the pit of your stomach in response to his absence. You can’t tell which is worse; maybe every moment without him all sucks the same.

When Hyunjin starts whining and takes out his phone to spam Minho’s messages demanding his location (you’re thankful that it didn’t have to come to you), all he receives in return is a measly “Running late.”

And that’s it. A mere text is enough to satiate everyone’s curiosity. Well, everyone but Hyunjin, because he’s still a nagging drama queen.

Minho is running late, and to anyone else, it’s the most normal thing in the world.

But to you… it means something beyond that. Because this was him. This was your Minho. Your Minho who’s never been known for his tardiness, who’s never once broken a promise, who’s always there for you no matter what.

All you know right now is his absence, and it makes you sink.

You sink, and then you wait. Not a lot to be done about it.

You slip away to a quiet spot, a vacant hallway, to be by yourself while everyone is out there wandering around and gorging themselves on the free food and drinks. You shouldn’t be with them anyway. All you need is to wallow in peace and not be the black cloud hanging over everybody’s heads.

There’s something so incredibly lonely in the act of waiting. Waiting to board a plane, waiting in line at the grocery store. Waiting for a phone call or text message that you know won’t come, waiting for a person whom you can only hope would show up. At the end of the day, that’s what waiting is, isn’t it? It’s wanting. It’s hoping, and if there’s one thing you know about hope, it’s that it’s dangerous.

You wonder if this is how Minho felt all this time, waiting on a girl who’s always prepared to leave. You wonder if, that night, he had expected you to reciprocate his feelings. You did. You do, and a part of you wanted to tell him that you loved him too. The words were there, and yet…

It’s true that you love him, and it’s true that you don’t want to. If hope is dangerous then love is fucking terrifying. 

He’d been so patient with you, so awfully gentle and quiet in the chasm of his waiting that you mistook the tenderness for everything except for what it actually was – love. Or perhaps you did know. Maybe deep down, you knew that you would’ve loved him back with everything you had, with every fiber of your being. That you would’ve let him be the only one to ever really know you, and it felt like a fear greater than you could bear. 

In the end, did you lose him? Can you lose something you never had? It wasn’t a love that you let slip away; it was a what if.

You’re in a room with people who love you and yet, all you can think about is Minho. You miss him so much that it feels like someone has spliced you in two, that it physically makes you ache every second that he isn’t with you. As selfish as it sounds, you want him to walk through the door and you want everything to be okay again. You want to be back in a bubble with just the two of you and a locked box filled with words unsaid. You thought you could stay in that bubble forever, where it was safe and you could pretend that you were happy, and maybe you really were happy with him. But all things — good or bad — must come to an end. The bubble burst, and this was the real world.

You want to undo your cruelty, want him to take back his sincerity. You want an ocean of distance between you and him, you want to pull him as close as humanly possible. All your wants are contradictions. You’re a paradox of puzzle pieces that never seem to fit together.

You want to tell him that it hurts. Want him to make it better because he’s the only one who can make it better.

But miracles rarely happen and there are no shooting stars in sight. Minho was the closest thing you got to a shooting star, burning across your night sky for just a brief moment. Blink and you could miss it. Blink and you did miss him.

Your fingers find his contact in your phone before you could stop yourself, and soon enough, you’re pressing the call button. It’s like drunk dialling, only you aren’t intoxicated. Or maybe you are; maybe you’re under the influence of his absence and how much it stings.

You don’t know why you’re calling him, don’t know what to even say when he picks up.

Thankfully, you don’t have to wonder for long.

“Your call has been forwarded to voicemail. Please leave your message after the tone,” comes the automated voice on the other end.

For some reason, you don’t hang up. You wait for the beep, then you wait some more. It’s not until ten seconds later that you find your voice, the only thing to come out of your mouth is a quiet Hey.

You clear your throat, rub the sweaty palm of your free hand on your dress. “Hey,” you try again. “It’s… me. I’m at the gallery with everyone. Uhm, they’re all waiting for you. Are you on your way? Are you stuck in traffic? Or did you forget it was today? Hyunjin is trying really hard not to blow up your phone–” You pause to chuckle dryly. “But you know it would mean a lot to him to have you here. It… it’d mean a lot to me too if you were here. I don’t know, I assumed you’d come. I’m sorry, that was stupid of me. I just…” Another pause. This time, it’s so that you could take a breath. “Listen, Minho, I didn’t mean what I said to you. I’m sorry I was an asshole. I’m sorry that I hurt you, I don’t have any excuse for that. You deserve better than me. It’s going to pass, you know? I’m sorry if you’ve wasted your time on me, but… you’re going to find someone else, and you’re going to get over it. I’m sorry I fucked everything up. It’s fine if you never want to talk to me again, just please don’t let it get between you and our fr–”

The line beeps again. “To replay the message, press 1. To save the message, press 2. To delete the message, press 3.”

You purse your lips together. There’s still a lump in your throat and no peace to be made. It’s like drunk dialling, only you pull yourself together at the very last second. Your thumb hovers over the dial pad on your phone until you eventually end up on 3, because your cowardice will always triumph in the end. Back to square one. Everything’s still the same as it was five minutes ago.

You force your legs to move, like how you'd force yourself to get up and eat and drink water and shower and be a person these days. When you round the corner, you bump against something solid. A person. The collision isn’t hard enough to knock you backward; they weren’t moving, they’d only been standing still.

You look up at Seungmin, who merely blinks at you. You don’t know how long he’s been here, if he heard anything at all. You swallow once, considering whether you should just play dumb and gauge his reaction or ask point blank if you’ve been caught. He beats you to the decision though.

“You and Minho,” Seungmin says, a bit hesitant, like the topic is weird to bring up. “You’re the girl.”

A deer in headlights, you are. A pathetic one at that, too.

But even then, you’re not panicked, not really. You’re just sad, and the truth was bound to come out eventually. 

“Please don’t tell anyone,” you say.

The discarded voicemail that he overheard, the dejection written all over your face, the silence from both you and Minho recently — it’s obvious to pretty much everyone, and Seungmin is smarter than most.

He opens his mouth and shuts it again like he’s choosing his words. The Seungmin-esque blank stare melting away to make space for some pity, then a question, “Is there anything left to tell?”

You escape to the empty garden in the back where there were a few lonely chairs set up, so you could have some privacy to talk. Despite everything, it feels like you’ve got a little breathing space, just being able to share this with someone. To not have to carry it all on your own. You’re glad that it was Seungmin who found out first. You have a feeling that he would understand, at least to some degree. You’re relieved, even when the first question that he asks is, “So, how did you fuck it up?”

“Why do you just automatically assume it was me?” You’re mildly offended, even though he’s right.

“Between you and Minho, I’d bet on you.” Seungmin shrugs. “You spook easily.”

“I deeply resent that notion.”

He turns to look at you, no trace of any teasing. “Can you prove me wrong?”

But you can’t, and it tells him as much when you avert his eyes in favor of the ground, where you kick at a lonesome pebble sitting among the grass. It lands somewhere between the green blades, lost in the shadows that cast over parts of the garden that are poorly lit.

“So what happened?” he asks, turning away again to stare out at the empty space. You like to think of it as him giving you some elbow room, to ease the pressure of being scrutinized. And as much as you appreciate it, it still takes you another brief moment before you can formulate a coherent sentence, another minute of twiddling your fingers in your lap.

You tell Seungmin about your first night with Minho – not the details, of course; that would be weird and it’s none of his business. Just that it happened, how you both let it keep happening over the past few months while nobody suspected a thing.

Seungmin nods solemnly, like he’s putting together the missing pieces.

“Did you ever notice anything?” you ask.

“I mean… not about you hooking up, but we thought you’d end up together eventually.” He shrugs. “We always kinda assumed that you two would become those people who make a pact to get married if you’re still single by 40 or 50, if you didn’t get together before then. It makes sense. You and Minho just sort of make sense.”

“Oh,” you say. Your heart swoops. Hearing it from Seungmin makes you sad. Not the same brand of sadness that you’ve been wearing lately though. A different kind, the kind of sadness that’s a little numbing and makes it difficult to breathe. “Well, sorry to disappoint everyone but I don’t think any of it is gonna happen anymore.”

“So… how did it happen?” Seungmin asks again, mimicking explosions with his hands.

You let him off easy without a punch in the shoulder, because you just really don’t have the energy for it right now. “Minho wanted something more,” you tell your friend, fiddling with the rings on your fingers, then with the necklace charm resting on your collarbone. “And I just… I don’t know. I guess I freaked. I… said some awful stuff to him.”

Seungmin hums a sound of acknowledgement. He looks like he’s thinking about it, about you and Minho and what it means. “Classic,” he chuckles after a brief moment, mostly to himself. Maybe he’s thinking about what it means beyond just the pair of you too.

You side-eye him. “You’d know all about it, wouldn’t you?”

He shoots the glance back at you. “What are you trying to say here?”

You remember her, the only girl that Seungmin has ever hinted at liking. He never admitted it out loud to any of you, but you could all see it.

You only used to see her in passing at house parties, and even then, it wasn’t Seungmin nor her who brought the other one around. They would show up separately with their own group, mingle for a while, find each other after a couple of drinks before they disappeared to god-knows-where for the rest of the night. Sometimes, Changbin or Hyunjin would catch them before they could sneak off and insist that Seungmin let everyone get to know his friend.

These brief interactions are all you have with her, meaningless small talk for a few minutes before Seungmin’s patience ran thin and he whisked her away like they’d both intended. You liked her; she was nice, and she was really pretty. You liked her even though you didn’t know her, because she was the one person who Seungmin cared about enough to keep away from prying eyes. A secret shared only between the two of them, a bubble in which only they existed.

The last time you saw her with him must’ve been at least three months ago, maybe even longer. No one really knows what happened, just that she stopped showing up to parties, and Seungmin never brought it up again. You all assumed whatever he had going on with her had run its course, though it doesn’t really stop Hyunjin and Jisung from mentioning her every now and again just to tease him.

“I seem to recall a Halloween party last year and a certain someone was in a bee costume and–”

“Fine,” Seungmin interjects, rolling his eyes. “Fine, we can form our own dumbass club. Happy?”

You laugh a little, even though the whole thing isn’t very funny. Your shared experience is nothing to take pride in.

“So how did you blow it up?” you ask.

He gives you a sour glare before his eyes soften. He doesn’t say anything for a while, and in his silence you find that you and him are more similar in ways that you’ve never cared enough to admit before. This sadness that you carry, you have a feeling that he knows it all too well.

“Like I said, classic,” Seungmin tells you. “She wanted something more. I freaked. I ghosted her.”

A mirror. Two sides of the same stupid coin.

You lean back against your seat. “Did you like her?”

It takes a beat, but his answer comes out as an honest, “Yeah, I liked her. Liked her too much.”

“Why did you do that to her then?”

“Why did you do that to Minho?” Seungmin deadpans, but he doesn’t seem to want a response from you. He just sighs, wistfully adding, “I’ve thought about it a lot. It’s scary to be wanted because it means someone’s putting you on a pedestal, and when you’re on a pedestal, the more it’ll hurt if you fall off. The more they’re counting on you to not let them down, the easier it is to fuck it all up. People like us, we’re flight risks. We can’t help it. We think it’s better to just leave before we can do any real damage. When you said whatever terrible shit you said to Minho, that was the first thing you thought about, right? To be cruel? That’s what I did too. Such a fucking stupid knee-jerk reaction.”

You don’t know how to respond, so you just sit there, completely still. 

Then Seungmin turns to you, and for the first time in all the years that you’ve known him, he’s looking at you, really looking at you. No snarky side-eye, no playful faux glare. Just a strange and unfamiliar sincerity, like he’s asking you to fix what he couldn’t, undo the cruelty that he never bothered apologizing for.

“Minho would understand, you know? If you’d just talk to him,” Seungmin says. “You made a mistake in the heat of the moment. But you want to have something real with him, don’t you? Otherwise you wouldn’t be here talking to me about this and beating yourself up over it.”

“I told you. That ship sailed.” And you’re standing up for no apparent reason other than the fact that you’re suddenly restless, your stomach twisting in knots out of nowhere. “He’s not even here. He didn’t even show up tonight. I think that’s saying enough.”

Your friend rises to his feet too, probably because he thinks it’s weird to be the only one sitting now while you’re upset and pacing about. It’s not until Seungmin takes a step closer that you realize you’re shaking a little.

“Hey, you good?” He puts a hand on your shoulder. “I talked to Minho yesterday. He said he’d come. Maybe something came up or he just–”

Hyunjin’s voice interrupts Seungmin in the middle of his sentence, the excited squeal carrying itself from all the way inside the gallery to the back garden through the door left ajar. Speak of the devil and he shall appear, maybe there’s a reason why people say it. It’s laughable, really.

You and Seungmin both turn your attention to the brief commotion indoors, where you see Hyunjin smiling so big that his eyes have crinkled into crescent moons, where he’s standing with his arm thrown around Minho and shaking him by the shoulders.

These days, it’s easy to pretend that time is standing still. You don’t even know if time is even passing at all; you’re just looking at him, dressed in a black blazer and some dress pants. Casual but he looks good. He always does.

You watch as he says something to Hyunjin that seems to calm the latter down a bit, at least enough for Minho to quickly scan the room, searching. You watch as his eyes sweep through all the people gathered inside, not stopping until they land on you, finding you on the other side of the glass door. Even in this terrible lighting, not entirely visible you assume, he sees you.

There was a conversation you had with Minho some time ago, when you two were sprawled out on your couch munching on strawberry Peperos and not paying attention to the movie that was playing on your TV, when he asked how you wanted your life to be at 40.

You knew what the boring answer was – you wanted your life to be stable, and you told him as much. Isn’t stability always the goal? Maybe a lame corporate job if the whole starving-artist-who-makes-it-big-overnight dream didn’t pan out. A cat and a dog named Mochi and Mocha, if you could afford two pets at once. An apartment that you owned, with framed pictures of everything you loved scattered all over the place, and stupidly cute fairy lights that you often see on Pinterest, and an unfathomable amount of plushies that your inner child was never indulged in. A peaceful and quiet life, at least to some extent. 

The honest answer, the one that you didn’t tell him, was you wanted to not live with regret.

But as you lock eyes with him, for a split second there, you know that you will.

About twenty years down the line, when you look back on your life and think of this chapter, you’ll think about a boy who loved you and whom you loved. How you broke both of your hearts trying to protect your own. You’ll wonder if he’s married, if he has kids, if he still reminisces about the girl he used to love when he was young. If he’s happy and if his dreams came true. If the sadness you caused yourself was worth it, if the pain meant anything at all. If you could go back in time and undo everything, would you?

You’ll get over it eventually – surely you will; heartbreak isn’t the end of the world – but you’ll live with the grief of what could’ve been if you weren’t afraid. You’ll be left to mourn the road not taken, your almost but never was. 

You’re the one who moves first, when it starts to become a struggle just to breathe. You stumble away from Minho’s line of sight, until you find a wall that you can rest against.

Seungmin is quick to follow. “Hey, woah, are you okay?”

Your hands alternate between balling themselves into tight fists and attempting in vain to grab at the flat surface of the concrete. There are no words that you can form to answer him. Only your ragged breathing and your pathetic effort to take in some air through your mouth.

“Okay, shit, uhm,” Seungmin sputters. “Hang on.”

Then he’s taking off. You don’t know how long he’s gone for, where he’s gone off to, and frankly, you can’t really bring yourself to care. Your hands abandon the wall in favor of your dress, something that you can actually hold onto. Your trembling fingers clutch the hem of your dress like they’re pretending it’s a lifeline, bunching and twisting the fabric in your sweaty palms. Hoping it’ll help, but it doesn’t at all.

Even over the sound of your heartbeat ringing in your ears, you could hear new footsteps coming out into the empty garden. Rushed at first, then they stop for a brief moment. You know who it is before he even approaches you.

Damn that Kim Seungmin.

The familiar scent of his cologne greets you before his voice. You spent hours and hours enveloped in this scent until it was dulled by sweat from the activities you were engaged in, if it wasn’t already softened by the kisses you would leave all over his skin.

When he calls your name, it comes out so soft, like you never broke his heart in the first place and that night was only a figment of your twisted imagination. He sounds so gentle, yet it sends you further down the crippling spiral. You don’t deserve him; maybe you never did, despite what Seungmin tried to put through your head earlier.

“I’m fine.” But you know your appearance has already betrayed your words. The first thing you say to him in weeks, and it’s a lie. You’re still leaning against the wall with your arms wrapped tightly around your trembling frame and your eyes squeezed shut. It’s a pitiful sight. Even more so when it registers in your brain that it’s Minho of all people who’s witnessing it. 

He doesn’t say anything else, only lets out a sigh, and then his hand is on your body, a warm palm touching the small of your back out of habit before he moves it upward to rub between your shoulder blades. “Can you breathe?”

His question makes you all too aware that there’s something gnawing inside of your chest, makes you think for a second there that you’re going to die though you know that you won’t. You shake your head with your eyes still closed, your breathing coming out more ragged by the second. You can’t even bear to look at him and absorb the worry in his eyes; you’re sure you’ll only cry if you do, and it’s the last thing you need right now.

But it turns out that seeing Minho’s face isn’t the only thing that can bring you to tears. When you feel him tug at your arms, his warmth on your bare skin, you start crying anyway and that makes it even harder to breathe. There’s not a single ounce of resistance in your body, your limbs obeying him easily when they untangle themselves around your waist to fall by your sides as he pulls you into his chest, with one hand over your sternum and his thumb rubbing back and forth. He’s careful about it too, like he’s handling broken pieces of something that used to be beautiful.

“You’re okay,” he says, but you’ve got your face pressed into the crook of his neck and your tears are staining the collar of his shirt. “You’re gonna be fine. Just… listen to me.”

You stay quiet, waiting for him to speak next.

“Name three things you can see,” he says. “You don’t have to say it out loud. Just think about it.”

You open your eyes finally, angling your head until most of your vision isn’t obstructed by the proximity of his body. Minho tightens his arm around you, and you blink away some of the tears.

Your black heels that your mom got you for your birthday a while ago.

The grass, darkened green and damp.

Him. 

“Three things you can hear.”

Light chatter coming from inside the gallery.

Cars passing by on the adjacent street.

Him, the sound of his breathing.

“Three things you can touch.”

The soft material of your dress against your skin.

The bracelet, hugging your wrist, weighing you down like an anchor.

And… him.

Him, him, him.

You don’t know what reason Minho makes up to excuse you for the rest of night, but you don’t bother asking. There’s really no space left in your head to think about it twice, to care about leaving your friends or feel guilty about Hyunjin because he was so excited about today. It’s too much; all you want is to go home, get away from here.

Minho calls you both an Uber back to your place. During the entire ride, he doesn’t say a word and neither do you. And even though you mostly opt for looking out the window at the other cars and houses and people passing by, every now and then you could feel his eyes on you from the other side of the backseat.

When you arrive, he keeps a hand on the small of your back as you make your way up the stairs. When you unlock the door, you leave it open so he could follow you inside. You suppose that one is a force of habit. You’re not used to shutting the door in his face. At least, not in the literal sense anyway.

Then it returns, that gnawing feeling. A feeling far too colossal for your body to house. It sits somewhere inside your ribcage, sharp and desperate, with claws trying to dig its way out. And for the first time in maybe ever, you understand what it truly means to want something this badly. You love him, and it hurts. You love him even though it hurts.

Minho moves around the place while you remain frozen in the middle of your own apartment, as if he’s the one who lives here and you’re just visiting for the night. You let him take off your makeup (with a wipe; you’re going to hate yourself in the morning), let him help you change into clothes that you can sleep in, even let him tuck you into bed like you’re a helpless child. If he notices the bracelet on you, he doesn’t say anything. Everything is done in silence.

You don’t look him in the eye. You don’t think you can handle what you’ll find there.

But you do reach for his hand when he tries to leave now that there’s nothing left for him to do here. There’s not a single thought behind your action, just a need to have him near.

“Can you…?” 

You aren’t brave enough to finish the question, your voice trailing off and the words dissipating like smoke after a lonely cigarette drag. You’re being selfish right now, you’re awfully aware of this.

Minho doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even let out a single sigh. For a second there, you think he’s about to leave you here, cold and alone, just like you had done to him. It would be nothing less than what you deserve.

But then he’s shrugging off his blazer and your heart is in your throat. When he slips into bed beside you, something hurts, the kind of ache that spreads all across your chest and makes your lungs burn.

Earlier tonight, he could’ve walked away and let you be somebody else’s burden. Your friends were all there, it’s not like they would’ve left you stranded.

You’re not really sure what to think. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t hate you, but maybe it’s just enough confirmation that he doesn’t hate you more than he loves you.

You break the deafening stretch of silence with a whisper, “I’m sorry.” You don’t know what the apology is for. Are you sorry for that night, for the things you said to him? Are you sorry that you’re only yourself, that he just had to go ahead and fall for you of all people? Sorry that you’re too much of a coward and a lost cause to love him right? You don’t know, but it feels appropriate to apologize. You owe him that much.

“Don’t…” Minho says after a while. “You don’t have to do that.”

The familiar sensation returns – the one that stings the back of your eyes, burns your nostrils and makes you all choked up. You try to hold your breath and will it away, but the first tear spills without your permission, and you can’t help the shaky inhale – close to a gasp and followed by a sniffle – that punctuates your lungs when they start protesting against the sudden lack of oxygen. 

You grip the sheets so hard you think you could rip through the fabric and dig into your own palm. It’s a pathetic feeling, like a strange kind of embarrassment that you can’t quite describe. The room is deadly quiet; you know there’s no way he didn’t catch the noise.

You hear Minho shift from where he lays behind you, some rustling when he moves against the duvet and the mattress. “Don’t cry,” he sighs. And it’s still so gentle. You’ve never known him to be anything but gentle.

You bite the inside of your cheek, blinking some of the tears away. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Just… don’t cry.” It sounds like he’s holding something back but you aren’t sure. “Don’t cry. Go to sleep. We can talk in the morning, if you want.”

You sniffle some more, and maybe that makes Minho think he still needs to appease you even further. He reaches out finally, to brush a comforting hand against your arm. “Go to sleep. Promise I’ll be here when you wake up.”

You don’t know if you want to talk in the morning, because there’s nothing for you to say. All you really have is what he’s already heard – I’m sorry, like an utterly broken record. But you want him to stay even if it’s only for the morning. Even if all he’ll get is silence at best and choked up breaths at worst. Your last-ditch attempt at grasping straws, a futile effort to chase running water.

“Okay,” you tell him, and neither of you says anything afterward. The tears keep falling for a while, and at some point it tires you out enough to slip into a dreamless sleep.

When you open your eyes hours later, the sun is already up. The clock on your phone reads 7:06AM and the first thing you register is an uncomfortable dryness in your throat. Behind you, the bed is still warm. You can actually feel it underneath your fingertips when you reach out, the warmth dwindling from the side of the bed that’s been left vacant. Minho has never broken a promise to you before.

He’s gone, and you sink again.

all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 08.01.2025]

[a-stars-art-blog]

🎸🦈

Sooo…KlavRyan/KlavDar/DaryKlav????

[mochimochimona]

Analyizing Viktor and Jayce from Arcane, S1 E5 Part Two - Am I ruining this ship for me or what

So Viktor being a genuis because he had "a vision" and just explains how runes and mages work and is that..foreshadowing again? Like how did he got these informations? It would have been nice to have a bit more context, because with that scene from the previous post I might get my tinfoil hat back. Anyway, Viktor is mansplaining Jayce and here is the first thing I noticed, the fond and admiring expression on Jayce's face:

Again, that can be completly platonic still. Am I ruining this ship for me now or what?

Viktors absolutly unfazed reaction makes me laugh so much, god I love this man.

But I think there was a first impulse of reaching out to Viktor, just a short tilt of his hand - to make sure Viktor is alright. And his Question "Are You Sure This is safe" was met by a rather cold "of course not" by Viktor and Jayce is reacting like that and I had to make a GIF out of this scene or else I can't explain what I mean.

So Jayce is staring at Viktor, and he feels guilt and I think he wants to say something but he is also unsure of what exactly to say, because he knows Viktor is right and also has the right to be cold towards Jayce, since he is leaving him alone. I think it dawns on him, unconsiously, that what he is doing is wrong and it's nagging at him. So far no interpretation from my side that Jayce is into Viktor the same way Viktor might be into him, though. I am on the way to ruin my delusion.

Mel is such a strong politican, I love her for her cunning way to get Jayce on her side and manipulating him. Again, Mel is one of my fav Chars in Arcane but I do think they don't have either an equal relationship, nor a deep one at that. It feels rather cold to me.

"You pushed this on me". I think it's nice to see he is struggling and not wanting this, but Mel is REALLY good. Girl you slay queen!

Here he looses his inner battle against playing the politican, the struggle was made so clear and was well portrayed, you could feel it!

Foreshadowing at it's best: "There's been quite the investements" - and Mel said "Indeed, better than expected" - Do you remember Jayce accusing Mel of treating him and Viktor as investements? ohhh what a nice foreshadowing! And here it is made clear that Mel is using Jayce for her own goals. Love myself a good, calculated politican!

Well he does look at Mel adoringly. This scene is also important. Because she makes a move on him, and he says "I couldn't have done it without you"

Wait, that actually makes me mad. He couldn't have done SHIT without Viktor. You asshole, Jayce!

And now comes the most heartwrenching scene I have ever seen in my live. Given the feeling of me that Viktor has feelings for Jayce (we can argue which, can't we?) making the deliberate choice to show us Jayce and Mel doing bed gymnastics (sorry I am german, it's a way of saying here lol) and parrallel Viktor collapsing? This is INTENTIONAL. They wanted us to show what Jayce chose and did not choose. What would have been important and what shouldn't have been important. It is quite the foreshadowing, too, because Jayce will regret his actions - which is a topic on it's own.

The fact, that they put Sky in this scene makes it even more obvious or sus, as you may say, because if you wanted to show us that Jayce did choose poorly it would have been enough to show Viktor alone in his study the whole time, and not with Sky approaching and making moves onto Viktor.

Foreshadowing again with Sky saying "There is always tomorrow, right". rip haha.

Viktor is comepletly uninterested in her, romantically speaking. I think it's not because he doesn't get her advances. I think saying her name "goodnight luisanne(?)" makes it clear they do have some kind of relationship. Her implying "again" makes me think she asked many times and this wording from Viktor is his attempt of being polite and respectful, but drawing boundaries for himself.

Him getting angry, throwing the papers around is a stark contrast to his usual composed nature, I think it's a nice way to show how deperate he is because he KNOWS he doesn't have much time anymore. He gets fainty again and hears voices and sounds, which is again really interesting because there is no shimmer corruption in this situation. So what is that sound? Who is it? IS IT HIMSELF?

Again he coughes blood and I think there are two different kinds of runes in this: the one without the corruption of the void/shimmer and the one with, which is making him go bonkers I guess. Because I have the feeling the old Viktor is actually a mage and using only the runes, not the void. Which doesn't make it any less dangerous but you get what I am saying. I hope.

Him going down and fast cut to Mel and Jayce, who are making out WITH A GALAXY BACKGROUND?????? Wait what AM I SEEING. This is deliberate, intentional again, I don't think the smashing is that good she sees stars lolkek.

Maybe I am interpreting way too much into it, but is that a parrallell to the scene in which Viktor and Jayce are connected in the astral plane (or whatever)? I am weezing.

Also what I do find interesting and I don't have an idea why they choose to frame it like this: The Hexcore absorbed Viktors blood and we can see it travel through it, kinda melting together with the hexcore-DNA while you see a sillouette of Mel (why not Jayce, am I asking?). I am not sure what to make out of that. It could be a metaphor for connection. Like Viktor connected to the hexcore and Mel with Jayce, but it was weird to not see more of Jayce, you know? like why were we so focused on Mel here? Is that a foreshadowing that Mel is a mage, but that won't make any sense to me. And I am asking, because I am here for discussion: Why using this cutting, this parallel scenes? Why do you show us this, anyway? You could have implied them having smash-time, but you intentionally put those two things next to each other. Did you wanted to make us angry because Jayce was hooking up but he should have been with Viktor the whole time! That's absolutly implying you think we think bros before hoes! But that's just a saying, I do think everyone goes for the hoe at some point (respectfully, of course). I am getting a headache, this scene made me mad honestly. I was so hurting for Viktor, he was so alone. And when Mel wakes up, she looks a bit pissed that Jayce is gone, honestly lmao. But not in a way like she is disappointing because she wanted to cuddle, but because I guess she thought she had Jayce by his balls or something (well she did).

The cut to Viktor laying on the hospital bed and Jayce shaking and whipping his leg IS A MASTERPIECE. And honestly, the feeling creeps in...like why do that cut? Why stay on Mel and transition to Viktor in the same camera angle. Do you want to tell us something? You could have done a camera angle from the side, showing us Jayce being panicky if you wanted to show us that, but we get this parallel. This is sus, not gonna lie.

So, @stardust-musings provided me a link with a deleted scene where Jayce was wiping away his crying, if you want to see that, here: https://www.tumblr.com/stardust-musings/767415218102059008?source=share

We discussed that Jayce definetly has a lot of affection for Viktor, which one can be argued with but I do think his reaction in general is really important here, though the crying wouldn't only have IMPLIED Viktor is really important to him but made it clear, because he had an open and really vulnerable reaction here. So with that in mind, his actions coming might him be struggling to find out what Viktor really is to him, because as stated above, this gives off mixed signals. I get you can cry about you "brother/hombie" being in a hospital and dying, given the deep relationship as friends. I think this shot is important to make it clear that the love is there, but what love can be interpreted still and Jayce is figuring it out himself.

And there it is, we have regret showing! Honestly, I do get why you chase to your best friend if he is in a hospital and you get the message. But guilt? Regret? Doubt? Panic? Devastation? Realtalk here because I think this is important: As someone who has had a lot of people in the hospital on the deathbed and so on, I don't think anyone will rush to their bro and leaving their spouse behind (and she didn't even know what was up), without like waking them up and telling them what's up, ya know. You may be panicing, but you are connected to your partner and I think you will share this information and trying to get comfort FIRST (not after you visited). So I would explain to my partner what's up and my partner would come visit with me, too, because I care for my friend but I also care for my spouse, ya know. Him leaving Mel who he slept with the night before because his friend was brought into hospital is really rushed and I think he has a deep connection with Viktor and cares about him a lot, so much so, that he doesn't care who he slept with, because he is more important. But I do think Jayce still is not in love with Viktor. Yet? But it makes no sense to leave Mel there, I mean she knows Viktor too and if you have a connection, you would at least wake her up. Even if it's in the middle of the night. So this is confusing, I have to think about it more. Your thoughts are appreciated. Also sorry for any misspellings, I am tired.

It makes sense he left Mel, because she would have seen him breaking down over his friend and maybe he didn't want to be vulnerable in fron of Mel and Viktor, because he tried to kept his panic together. But again, I find it interesting how they telled us this with these scenes. They wanted to imply, I am sure of it, the first time that Jayce always chooses Viktor. Which is, honestly, a love letter on it's own tbh.

That was Part Two, I will continue tomorrow! I am obsessed with this now lol

[thetardigrape]

This is an excellent Watsonian explanation of the end of the class war.

From a Doylist perspective, I think there are 2 important points:

The show was always written to highlight the relationships between characters in the game League of Legends.

The story of the oppressed lower class rising up against their rich oppressors is old and done, and the story of Arcane is not.

To point 1, the creators always set out to make a show about the characters of LoL, not about its locations. And they absolutely did! The relationships between and among these people are what makes the show compelling. It's why there are thousands and thousands of fics for a whole slew of ships with fun names.

To point 2, I think it's so incredibly valuable that they didn't simply write Les Mis, But With Magic. Sure, you want to see the oppressed underdog beat the rich, powerful overlords. Feel free to watch Les Mis, or The Hunger Games, or Mad Max. That story can be great when done properly but it has definitely, exhaustively been done.

A much, much less common story is what we got: a messy, chaotic fight that culminated in a victory not through physical or mental or even magical prowess, but through enduring, unwavering love. An entire world's destruction and salvation built around the fact that two people couldn't accept being apart from each other. Wins for a whole bunch of underdogs, and a message that says, "It's never too late to try to do better."

I know a lot of people were disappointed by S2, and I understand those feelings (you have no idea). But personally, I loved it. I think it's very clear that the show was headed toward the finale it gave us from the very beginning, but it's also so original it was never predictable.

It's not perfect, no, but it's interesting, and that, to me, is so much more valuable.

(Arcane Meta) Zaun Died with Silco

I want to open this by saying I understand people who are upset that there isn't more Piltover/Zaun conflict and resolution in S2 of Arcane. However, I'm going to argue here that the reason it's not in S2 after 2.03 is because the conflict is over. Piltover won. There is no more Zaun anymore as a potential political player and, ultimately, this comes back to haunt Piltover in their hour of need.

Overall, while I am invested in the Piltover/Zaun conflict, especially in S1, I'm less focused on Caitlyn and Vi's story which is our main lens for the conflict, or rather the end of the conflict, in S2. Still, I hope to offer my more Arcane worldbuilding-focused perspective. And just to get it out of the way, here are a few things I had trouble with:

I too was puzzled that anyone from the Undercity would join Piltover in the defense of the city.

I also thought it was strange to have Jayce focus on the threat that Viktor posed with his robots while soliciting help from the undercity, instead of on Ambessa, the more clear and understandable threat that would have made a better rallying point and allowed for a final discussion about the Noxian occupation of the undercity and how Noxus turning on Piltover was just them reaping what they sowed.

I was certainly taken aback when everyone was given Enforcer uniforms for the final fight.

That said, I believe there are answers to all three of these. From there, I want to dive into what exactly happened in S2 with Piltover vs. Zaun, to my eyes. Short version: there is no more "Zaun" as a potential nation or political player by 2.03 when the Chem Barons are taken out by Cait's forces, but it really died before that with Silco, who was already in a precarious negotiating situation himself and he knew it.

Very few people from the Undercity joined Piltover's defense of the city. Maybe a half dozen. I felt that was our moment of "you reap what you sow" for Piltover. A few passionate idealists who could see the bigger picture that saving Piltover does mean saving the undercity joined, but there were no hordes of volunteers. Piltover had lost the right to them and was substantially weakened for it.

Jayce choosing to focus on Viktor as the threat makes sense for him, but it was a poor political move and probably lost him volunteers he would have otherwise gained. The robot army threat is too esoteric and fantastical. "The Noxians turned on us and plan to conquer the city," is a threat that would have been better for rallying the troops, Jayce is just too single-minded to think of it. He's a bad politician.

The Enforcer uniforms are an odd sour note, but they do make sense as protective gear. Piltover doesn't have an army. There are no uniforms to give people. All they have is Enforcer uniforms. It is an odd note symbolically, but practically speaking it shows how little time Piltover had to prepare. Piltover is a civilian city going up against a military force like Noxus. They are woefully underprepared and really only have their status as defender in urban fighting to give them a prayer of even stalling the Noxian forces. Ironically, Piltover's only hope against Noxus mirrors Zaun's only hope against Piltover if they had gone to war: the difficult nature of urban fighting against an entrenched, motivated opponent on their home turf.

Now, to get into, "What happened to the overall Piltover vs. Zaun fight?" I get why people think it's lacking in S2, and I get why people find it horrifying that there is no independent Zaun at the end, all we've got is Sevika with one seat on the Council, as far as we can tell but I would point out:

Zaun is dead at this point. It's been dead since 2.03. Arguably, it really died with Silco.

As Jinx said, she didn't just destroy her own family, she cursed an entire society when she launched that rocket into the Council Chamber.

Here's the thing, Jayce was actually right when he said Zaun wouldn't stand a chance in an outright war with Piltover.

Yes, Zaun has a lot of brawlers. They have Shimmer and the Shimmer berserkers.

But Zaun doesn't have any sort of organized fighting force beyond the guards of individual Chem Barons and their factories.

What Zaun has is the fissures. It has ugly, difficult urban fighting in dangerous spaces. But as a counter to that, we have the fact that their ventilation is controlled from Piltover. In a true all-out war, Piltover could in theory just flush out the entire undercity using the Gray. Having your infrastructure entirely dependent on an enemy oppressor is what I would call a "fatal flaw" in any defensive military strategy, particularly when what they can cut off is the air you breathe. That's easily game over right there unless Silco has a way to circumvent that.

In a guerilla war, Zaun could probably hold out for a long, grinding, ugly civil war made up of mostly guerrilla attacks, in which a great number of innocent civilians will die, even in an all-out conflict with Piltover. But it would suffer catastrophic losses and probably still lose in the end.

Now, Jayce is I think somewhat naive in his claim Zaun doesn't stand a chance. Maybe Zaun wouldn't stand a chance in the long run, but they'd make Piltover pay for every inch with blood. They'd grind Piltover down into a shadow of its former self, force them to sacrifice all of their principles. To some extent, I think Jayce gets that, he gets that he doesn't want more kids to die, but I think even he underestimates just how ugly that war would be and how long it would go and how unrecognizable his Piltover would be by then.

The moment that gives Silco pause in Jayce's assessment of how easily Zaun would be crushed isn't the fighting. Silco is pretty confident that they could make Piltover pay and he's arguably looking forward to the chance on some level.

What gives him pause is when Jayce says the Council doesn't care.

To some extent, Silco like any revolutionary against an oppressive "civilized" society (heavy, heavy emphasis on the air quotes there) is that a certain point, Piltover is so soft-hearted they will get tired of the bloodshed.

What Jayce just told Silco is that the Council is more barbaric than even Silco maybe appreciated, for all their vaunted principles. There isn't necessarily a limit to how many Zaunite children will die before Piltover decides to cease hostilities. Knowing what Silco knows of Piltover's brutality, I think that is a sobering moment for Silco. That's when he decides this really is the best time to negotiate.

(Aside, this is by the way where Vi is wrong about Silco, driven by her emotions. Silco is willing to set aside the feud to get his nation of Zaun, he can be negotiated with. He's just not willing to give up his daughter (something Vi can't possibly understand at this point).)

Here's why it's the best time for Silco to negotiate and it ties into everything else:

Without Shimmer, which has been severely hampered by the raid on the factory, Zaun doesn't have anything to counter Hextech.

Jinx's wild attacks against Piltover has helped put the pressure on them that Silco capitalizes on. But it is a paper-thin threat. She is a lone albeit devastating terrorist. She makes Zaun appear more dangerous than it is but that can't last forever. Silco has leveraged her attacks into a pressure campaign against Piltover, but a serious response from Piltover (as seen in 2.03 with the strike team corners and very nearly captures her) could reveal just how fragile that threat is.

Basically, Zaun has some champions, arguably a league of legends lol, but it doesn't have an army. It doesn't even have Enforcers of its own. It doesn't have a concerted force of any kind.

The money is running out. As "Sucker" shows us in 2.02, each Chem Baron that gets taken out means less money on the table, and we're down 2 by the beginning of S2 with Silco and Finn, who arguably both fell to internal fighting.

As the Chem Barons say in 2.02, even if they got total unity in Zaun, they're outnumbered.

However, they don't have total unity in Zaun. They can't even get the Chem Barons to agree on what to do on one topic, with Jinx.

Silco basically has to accept the deal with Jayce when he does, while Zaun appears to be at its strongest. Because if he had waited any longer, the fact that they don't have the strength or money to back it up would have become apparent.

Furthermore, once Jayce resigns from the Council, which he was planning to do anyway regardless of Jinx's attack, would mean Zaun would lose its one champion with the political capital to give them independence. The window for Zaun independence is actually extremely narrow.

With Silco's death and Jinx's attack on the Council, then the subsequent eradication of the other Chem Barons, their resources, their money, including Shimmer which was the only thing Zaun really had to match them against Hextech in that arms race, there really isn't a Zaun anymore.

There's no one to negotiate with. No one to hand power to. No force that can govern itself. Zaun is completely fractured with the eradication of the Chem Barons. By taking them out, Cait removed the need for Piltover to negotiate with Zaun. And the reason Piltover chose not to was because of Jinx's rocket and then the attack on the memorial, which was orchestrated by Ambessa.

This is all according to Ambessa's design, by the way. She divides Piltover/Zaun against themselves by capitalizing on Jinx's attack. She leaves both severely weakened to make it easier for her to take over, and Piltover walks right into the trap. They would have fallen to Noxus if not for Mel's love of the city, even if you remove Viktor and Jayce's plotline entirely.

TL;DR Zaun is gone, guys. It's a distant dream. Sevika is the only person with an interest in making it happen anymore and she can't even get the Jinxers to listen to her. All the factions are easily arrested at the rally. Piltover has no reason to negotiate with any of these people. As the lone torchbearer for that cause, it makes sense for Sevika to be on the Council but beyond her, there is literally no one else to give a voice to (since Ekko doesn't appear to have an interest).

At least, until the Noxians turn on them, and then there's an interest in Piltover and the undercity joining forces, but as I referenced at the beginning of this, Piltover has now lost the right to the undercity's help AND lacks the undercity's resources too. Now Noxus has Shimmer instead of Piltover or Zaun, in addition to their sophisticated and expertly trained military force. As Jayce said, they were meant to lose this fight. Arguably, they never had a chance of winning if not for Mel claiming the loyalty of the Noxians in the wake of her mother's death and everything Jayce did to stop Viktor and the Hexcore.

[savingsallow]

Quick Thank You From Val

Shout out to all the MC and OC friends that Val made in 2024!!! 📢✨

When I became active in the fandom around July/August of last year, I didn't expect that my little sassy but sweet kid would make so many friends.

So here's a quick thank you and shout out to all of you from Val ❤️‍🔥

🌟 @ravenwind-75: shout out to the lovely and chaotic jo 💜! you're one of the first mcs that val gets to interact with and she's thankful that you two are now friends and even in the hcu together! 💪🏻

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆

🌟 @acslytherpuff : shout out to the baddie ✨cassie luna✨ aka val's human moon best friend 🌙 and soul sister 🤍 cassie def has a special place in val's heart and will protect and support her no matter what! 🫂p.s. shout out to alvin and alex as well!!!✨

🌟 @espressoristretto-patronum: shout out to the kind but fierce tori! ☀️ not only that tori and val are both grumpy without coffee in their system 😆☕ but val also looks up to tori for always being so kind, funny, and overall positive and light energy to be around!✨

🌟 @ps-cactus: shout out to nomnombelyn alyn! 🩵 aka val's first adopted introvert here! 😆🫶🏻 val says that she loves alyn very much and is thankful that they became friends! 🥺🫂 now she'll def spoil her with chocolates 🍫 and books 📚!!!

🌟 @diana-bluewolf: shout out to (grumpy but lovable) chris! 🐺💚 another introvert that val adopted 😆 who knew asking someone for snacks could be the start of a friendship 😌🍬 val says thank you to chris for tolerating her and letting her hang out with him 😆🫂 oh! and for offering different points of view and a calming presence✨

🌟 @fulminare-within-her-soul: shout out to euphie! 🐉💙 a total badass and academic weapon✨ euphie and eleazar are always fun to hang out with and there's always something new and intriguing with you guys! 🤩 i guess opposites do attract 🤝

🌟 @syrooo: shout out to renn! 🔥 aka val's long lost sibling or version of her in a different universe 🤔❤️‍🔥 the lore is still in the kitchen and cooking 😁 there's not much interaction yet but i'm already excited for these two!!! 🔥🔥🔥

🌟 @myokk: shout out to the best cousins ever, eloise and leo!!! 💚family gatherings are waaaay better when there's eloise and leo! val is sending many hugs and love to these two 🫂🫂🫂

🌟 @ozunafieldguide: shout out to this enigmatic cutie, lo! 💙 very interesting and deep, a few traits that val admires about lo 🤭 i hope these two get more interaction soon and val would love to braid lo's hair✨

🌟 @leaping-toadstool-caps: shout out to this big babie, jaimsen!! 💛 a big foodie like val and she appreciates his sunshine personality so much!! ☀️ shout out to florence as well!! ngl but he and val could be besties, too! 🤭🩵

🌟 @girl-named-matty: shout out to this beautiful specimen, callan!aka val's s/o in the hcu and her first oc x oc ship!! ❤️‍🔥 val is always in awe of him but she won't admit it 😆🫶🏻 shout out as well to the amazing matty ♥️ cutie theo 💛 and helena (mother) 🥵🔥

🌟 @theladyofshalott1989: shout out to the very patient, damien! 💙 another foodie like jaimsen and val! she admires damien's patience and his fun personality! always a fun guy to be around✨

🌟 @accio-bagel: shout out to the hottest lovable rogue, ellie! 💚✨ aka val's biggest girl crush and fAvOrItE rOoMaTe 🤨 val went from adoring her from afar to now being homies with ellie 🤭 and she's more than grateful to have her around!! ❤️‍🔥

🌟 @freddiestheproblemchild: shout out to roan!! 💚✨ this isn't really from val but from ale 😆 he wants to thank roan for having more adopted siblings and he says he'll continue to be a good brother to them!!! 🫂❤️‍🔥 p.s. shout out to freddie, the croft triplets, and lucinda!✨

—

more shout out to all the mcs that val interacted with last year! 📣

🔥 @alibasnur: to chen from the hogwarts food club! ♥️✨

🔥 @ask-felix-aberg: to this lovely and kind lad, felix, that val respects bc of his kindness and warm presence! 🫂🩵

🔥 @rypnami: to auri, phillip, and elsie! their interaction may be short but val is sending them all some warm hugs!!! 🫂🫂🫂

🔥 @thursdaymoonrise11: to the very fab phoebe!! 🩵✨ val would certainly try to hang out more with phoebe this year cuz she loves her overall vibes!!! 🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻

🔥 @starry-slithers: to the cutie cariad! these two need more interaction but val certainly adores her! ❤️‍🔥

🔥 @theravenchild: to the very lovely hellendil! 🩵✨ he and val don't have any official interaction yet, but she'd love to have a tea party with him sometime! 🍵✨

🔥 @pikadrawsthings: to these bunch of lovable af traumatized children, elijah, lilith, raymond, and weiss!!! 💛💚♥️💙 val is very excited to get to know them more and have more interactions with every one of them! 🤩 (don't worry, i'm cooking their interaction 🫡 just really slow 🫠) sending love to all of these cuties!!! ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

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there are more mcs that val adores but has no interaction yet 😅 but dw! she'll make her first move at some point this year! 🫡

so watch out 😏✨

again, thank you to all and sending love and support to each and every one of you! ❤️‍🔥

— val

[cherryskieszz]

Hi... shows you all my daughter and runs away

More yapping about her under cut 👇

-Her personality is kind of like a mix between Chica and Sun, she's very loud and hyper like she's constantly on a sugar high (makes sense considering her whole thing is sweet/sugary foods), but she also deeply loves and cares for her customers and makes that very known. And I say she's somewhat like Chica because I interpret her personality as being very nurturing, mostly based on her voicelines in SB, so I think that's also what Dollie would be like, kinda like an older sister vibe lol. I hope this makes sense 😭😭

-She tends to speak in countryisms often (Applejack from MLP vibes...)

-Her bakery is farm-themed

-She is actually also somewhat inspired by Dolly Parton, which is where her name comes from!! And I think she would have a similar voice as Dolly Parton as well lol

-She and Glamrock Chica are gfs (OC x canon is SOOO superior idc 🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️) and their ship name is StrawberryMilk

-She's also very close friends with the rest of the band

-She has a kitchen timer built into her system since she is in charge of baking cakes for birthdays

-She also almost always smells like birthday cake

-I also like to think that if she was actually in the game, there would be a section that involves her kitchen timer mechanic, idk what exactly but yeah

-Also Dollie does have a Ruined version that I'll probably make eventually

ANYWAYS yeah that's all I have to say for now, she's very silly and I love her very much 🫶🫶

[a-most-beloved-fool]

If Spock and Jim merged into one being (no euphemism here lol) like Tuvix, what do you think the personality of the new being would be like? What impact do you think that would have had on the lives of both of them after they separated again? I love your headcanons, thanks for the answers!

thanks for the question!! <3

Hmmm... I think they would work pretty well as one being, actually. I'm thinking about all of those quotes from Roddenberry about how Kirk and Spock were supposed to represent two halves of a whole person, so I have to assume that they would be quite content. Though, disclaimer as I continue: I have not yet seen any of Voyager - there might be aspects of Tuvix's combination that I don't take into account because I don't know they exist. If so, uh, sorry. My bad.

For the sake of avoiding confusion, I'll call the merge Kirok (after the name Kirk chose when he lost his memories in The Paradise Syndrome). (Also, I fear that calling him "Kock" would have... deleterious effects on the readability of this post... for no reason at all...)

I do think that Kirok would, overall, have the best parts of Kirk and Spock. Combined, they are tactically fearsome. With Kirk's intuition and understanding of people and Spock's knowledge of statistics and science, Kirok is brilliant. However, I do think that Kirok would be a worse captain in practice than if Kirk and Spock simply had a mental bond. Part of the brilliance of Kirk and Spock as a command team is that, while they very much respect one another and take the other's opinion into account, they do also. regularly ignore each other's advice. And this is usually to their benefit! They each take risks that the other wouldn't, and, often, it saves them (in part because they always back each other up, even when doing things they don't agree with. Spock will be like "this is unwise" and Kirk will say "maybe, but I'm doing it anyways" and Spock will just... go with it.). But, if they were one person, I think that impulsiveness would be tempered. The Kirk part would have a brilliant idea, the Spock part would say "wait, there is too much risk, we can make a better plan," and then Kirok would lose his chance to act. When they're separate people Spock is ride-or-die for all of Kirk's decisions, but when they're one person, the Spock half won't always allow those decisions to be made at all (and also won't necessarily be able to tell when he does need to rein things in a bit). (Also Kirk and Spock both tend to be reckless, and then rely on the other to save them - as Kirok, who would back him up when he needed it? Bones would, but he's a medical officer. He simply can't do everything they would have. And, no matter how good of a first officer Kirok got (probably Sulu?), they couldn't be that good.)

I also think that Kirok wouldn't be quite as at ease with his position on the ship as Spock and Kirk individually were. The Spock part of him loves science far too much to just abandon it. He wants to spend time in the labs! He wants to make discoveries! Likewise the Kirk part of him can't truly be anything but a Captain. So, Kirok stays a captain, but he's less passionate about it (or, rather, more passionate about things that aren't it). This doesn't actually affect Kirok's satisfaction - it just affects his performance and relationships with others. He might spend off-duty time working on science experiments (which he can no longer do during shift, due to captaining) and neglect forming bonds with his crew, and he might place more focus than usual on scientific discovery missions.

As for the crew... Well, it's not as weird of a change as they expected. As expected, Kirok is less outwardly friendly than Kirk, and more outwardly friendly than Spock, but he's - cohesive. He still feels like their commanding officers. His humor tends to be a bit drier than Kirk's was, but he's a very compassionate and reasonable captain. (Tbh I tend to think that Kirk is actually more of a hardass than Spock (people just assume Spock is worse due to being Vulcan), so some crewmembers are surprised when Kirok is more lenient about certain things than Kirk would have been. Not lenient about cruelty or anything genuinely important to the safety of the ship, but about other things.) But, he's still not as good at making personal connections as Kirk was, and he's still inclined to spend too much time in the labs, so things aren't perfect.

Really, I think that the person having the worst time of things would be Bones, lmao. He'd have to deal with his Best Friend suddenly being the same person as The Guy He Affectionately Antagonizes (totally not a friend no how could you even think that). I think he'd be more lost than anyone else about how to address Kirok. Is this Kirk, his old friend, who he can be truly comfortable with, or is this Spock, who he snipes at and who snipes at him in turn? Who can he turn to, when the man he normally approaches for comfort is now the same being as one he doesn't want to seem too weak in front of? Does he turn to anyone else, in the meantime, or does he weather it alone?

Kirok himself, though, is actually pretty okay with the change. The different parts of himself simply - mesh well together. It's very satisfying for him, if not for his career and those around him. There's some minor bits of tension, especially regarding changes in biology and telepathic status, but, for the most part, he's doing well. The things you might expect to be major points of tension somehow... aren't. They compromise remarkably easily. (No meat, yes logic, no emotional suppression, yes casual touching, no casual relationships, yes meditation, etc.) And the Kirk and Spock parts of him both enjoy the closeness, the sense of knowing they now have for one another. They're one person, and know themself completely as they've always longed to know each other completely. (he does miss playing chess against someone who could beat him, though!)

Now, because I am Spirk-brained, I also think there's potential for Kirok to have Very Confused Feelings about discovering that the two parts of himself each had secret feelings for the other prior to the merge. There could be this odd sense of loss - like, yes, they are now technically one with one another, but they also completely missed out on their shot at a romantic relationship. They mourn what they could have had. The Spock part, especially, mourns the potentially for a telepathic bond (because with how smoothly they've integrated with one another, it surely would have been a strong one). So, as much as Kirok does enjoy existing as Kirok, I think he might be more willing to attempt separating back into two parts than I believe Tuvix was.

And, when they're two separate people again, they both feel like they're missing some part of themself, even once they've begun their new romantic relationship - but quickly discover that a mental link between them fills that hole. (And then, of course, because they are hopeless and in love, the "medicinal mental link" very quickly just becomes a marriage bond. They're like "well, we've already been one person and liked that well enough... a marriage bond is hardly anything different!" To Spock's endless pleasure, they are highly compatible and have a remarkably strong bond.) The mental link also allows them to have the same quick reaction times and combined brilliance of Kirok without the negative side effects of their own individual strengths being tempered. (they're also like. annoyingly codependent for a bit after Kirok's separation. oh boy are they always touching. "it gives them emotional security." bones looks at them in disgust (he loves it).)

Or, if we wanted to be McSpirk-brained... I'm enjoying the imagery of Kirok (who both had crushes on Bones as well as on one another) just directing all of that missed romantic potential onto Bones, who is... like, he's not not into it (Kirk was hot, Spock was hot, ergo Kirok is hot), but he also misses and loved his Original friends, and so he is very torn between accepting Kirok's advances and trying to find a way to split them apart again. (Flustered Bones, flustered Bones!! I do love flustered Bones!! He is blushing and stammering and having multiple ethical crises all at once. They never covered this in Starfleet Medical...) He also doesn't quite know whether Kirok's feelings truly belonged to both Kirk and Spock or not, and doesn't think that Kirk or Spock would truly act on it if they were in their normal state, so a small selfish part of him wonders if that's the only chance he has to be with them (even if it's not quite the same 'them' he fell in love with). And then, of course, there's the fear that trying to get back the original Kirk and Spock will actually just kill them! Yeah, poor Bones has a rough time of things. But, when everything is fixed, he does still wind up getting two boyfriends out of it. It all works out in the end?

[vomittedsoap]

reblogging my own post bc lowkey...we need to put a brief pause on the Body of Christ or Doubting Thomas metaphor and move on to greener pastures. I mean yeah literally they're eating eachother, but we can also find some Biblical analogies with

the Leviathan (Tunbaaq..also easy bc it's Crozier is extremely fixated on a fictitious book of the Bible named "Leviathan")

Peter walking on water (the shipmates walking on ice=water, in the book there's more problems with them falling through the ice. That's how the majority of the marines end up dying)

Noah's Ark when he constructs a ship to find land (ahem ahem...northwest passage?) Generally there's a lot of boat-centric verses.

Jonah, even though I've already seen a few of y'all get into that. Good job, team.

Sodom and Gomorrah (easy...Hickey and Gibson/Manson, but the more interesting part is Lot's wife being transformed into a pillar of salt as she looks back at the city of Sodom after it was struck down by God...plug and play,baby.)

The Israelites travelling across the desert after escaping Egypt (idrk but it's such a long story there's probably something in there, especially the golden calf or the Israelites' general uncertainty about having to rely solely on God for every single thing)

Anything that has to do with fire, i.e. burning bush, tongues of fire at the Pentecost, the cleansing fire etc.

Before Jesus feeds the five thousand people with fish and bread, he hops on a boat to go to a solitary/deserted/uninhabitable place. He was known to do this several times, including going up the mountain before being crucified and venturing out into the desert where he was tempted--these being intimate moments with God where he contemplates his next move (think about Irving's schpiel to Hickey about being alone on the boat being a great time to fix yourself)

Jesus going into the desert for 40 days and being tempted in several ways: turning stones into bread (think of the crewmates eating inedible stuff like shoes), to prove himself by jumping off the temple so the angels will catch him (think of John Franklin assuming that God will save them with no work on their part, or any time someone was in air, Blanky hanging from the mast maybe), and to worship the devil and become king of the world--which can be interpreted as the devil telling Jesus to obtain the world through political means instead of God's plan (think about the promise of land in the Northwest Passage, or colonialism in general, as well as all the political factors that came into creating the Franklin Expedition)

Daniel refuses to eat the King's meat and opulent foods/wine that were blessed by other gods, and instead he and half of his followers eat just vegetables and water, and the other half eat the king's food. The ones that eat the meager vegetables and water are strong, but the ones eating the meat become weaker and sickly in comparison. (think about eating lead-tainted human meat, or lead-tainted goldner's cans instead of the fresh food)

Just paraphrasing using my 3rd grade understanding as well as several ActionBible reads. Anyways... I'm just saying we can get pretty creative here, and these are some examples that I'd love to see used.

The Ladder has to be one of the best episodes of The Terror(not that the otheres are worse but ykwim). The speech Crozier gives that features the story of Jacob's Ladder as well as the rest of the writing from Sir John that basically reiterates what he said to Collins before he descended in his diving suit (something like "God lies in all realms") has such a chokehold on me...The whole episode is so eloquent, like even Irving's speech to Hickey about bettering himself while he has the chance and the world being born anew from an ark is beautifully said.

Interestingly, the story of Jacob's Ladder happens when Jacob lays his head on stone to sleep in an ancient city called Bethel, which means "House of God" and kind of made its debut in this verse. There's a fable/morality tale that takes place in Bethel when Elisha(the current prophet at the time) is taunted by a mob of teenagers, whom he curses, and God sends she-bears to kill 42 of them.

"And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them." 2 Kings 2:23-24 (King James Version)

Basically the story is teaching that you shouldn't jeer at prophets no matter how much you dislike what they're saying. Possibly there's parallels here with Tuunbaq.?? The She-bear?

I mean I'm not the most well-versed with Bible stories like this one so if any of you know more feel free to share. It's just interesting to me.

[urautismdiagnosis]

Ships hehe

BOATS (ships)

OK SO I won't tolerate anyone trashing aro ace people or queer platonic relationships or invalidating them, THAT OUT OF THE WAY TIME FOR HEADCANONSSS

barnacles and kwazii 🐻‍❄️💛🐱: I originally shipped them when I was like 12 lol

To me they're going to become a QPR and they mean the world to me.

I need to start actually posting my stories to showcase what's gonna happen BUT CMON GUYS THEY HAD AN ENTIRE EPISODE ABOUT THEM BEING A SYMBIOTIC RELATIONSHIP?!

Like I'm gonna be so real they were octopod POD mates. (Their rooms in the same bubble lol)

Kwazii is his ✨first mate✨

They're a married couple that doesn't realize it yet!I'm going to trauma bond them and no one can stop me. Cuz I've already done it 😎👍✨

They deeply trust eachother! I'm going to make barnacles hold what he thinks is kwazii dead in his arms! Barnacles loves this silly cat man! Kwazii loves to be appreciated and make barnacles proud! They emotionally support eachother! Kwazii is going to have nightmares about the captain dying in a horrific way that totally doesn't relate to the intens epsychological trauma I've given him! Barnacles wants to be useful and have someone to love but also someone to tell him its ok and that he doesn't have to be perfect or brave all the time! Kwazii wants to not be alone and prove himself to someone who truly sees the worth in him while being able to trust that they'd always stay loyal together! They have so many inside jokes and shared moments of near death experiences! Accordian music and shanties!

anyways onto SHELLINGTON AND DASHI AY AY AY AYYYY

Uhhh so I haven't posted their designs and my headcanons but yes Shellington is autistic to me (totally not me projecting but yall see the username. Ill get into why I think he's autistic on my character design post for him) and yes I think yk what? Maybe he was a little lonely and weird as a kid and yk what also? Maybe he does have some chronic pain too I dont make the rules (yes I do)

Anyways like shellington, I'm giving my baby issues and fears relating to not being like part of the group lol. Subconsciously anyways. And yk he found his people, the octonauts who value him and his interests and dont blame him for messing up lol and he likes himself as a person

(BTW he wouls totally try to adopt a cryptid like creature (new species!) abomination and name it Steve I already have an entire plot)

Do yall remember when they were sent to spend several weeks alone together in the midnight zone cuz I do

Regardless i think dashi just casually asked him ayyo wanna date and then he bluescreened LOL

As for dashi well, I'll get into her headcanons when I post her character design as well, but regardless she needs someone who understands and supports her passions without judgement yk?

She is so incredible,like photography, computer specialist, apparently technically a scientist, a surfer, able to pilot deep marine vehicles, got swallowed by a whale, did a flip from the manta ray while diving FRKM SEVERAL METWRS IN THE AIR INTO WAYER THAT WAS ABOUT TO HAVE LAVA POUR INTO IT???, and is a whole pilot now apaprently???

Like holy-

Anyways yeah dashi thinks shellington is an amazing single father with so much kindness and emotional intelligence and many many charming qualities 🥰

Shellington thinks dashi is Like actually a really really awesome person??? Like they both like organizing things!! Shes funny and smart!! They can both talk about eachothers interests and he likes to make her happy!! She's really cool and kind and helps him with stuff and she's super intelligent and charming! He just thinks she's oh so very cool. She's so confident and has kind eyes 🥰

Anyways yes

Btw just wanna say that tweak is like if u were aro ace to the max lolll shes just content with her life and friends lol

now for the penguin(s) in the room

ok so shes gonna be a plot relevant character in a story I've got in the works (The Oil RIg) it'll be a fun ride dw, but we love medic x depressed woman its great and yes I do think peso could pull any gal just by existing like straight up fight me on this fight me fIGHT ME-

ok not fight I'm not like that but I will stand on this hill till I die

but fr tho it was a whole telenovellahow they met omg- I'm talking the drama- thelore- thesoftmoments and the heartbreaking goodbyes- not to worry tho they do meet again and are like long distance(with tons of visiting) lol they have a very healthy relationship tho considering that shes like idk, ig fresh out of a like, very unhealthy environment

i ain't gonna spoil anything rn tho lol but she Gon save his life and he gon save hers and its gonna be beautiful<3 <3 <#

[problematic-yuri-poll]

Problematic Femslash Ship Tournament - Round 1

Despaircest - Junko Enoshima x Mukuro Ikusaba (Danganronpa Series) VS. Shoka Sakurane x Ayano Kamachi (Neo The World Ends With You)

Info and propaganda under cut! This will not be spoiler-free.

Problematic elements for Despaircest:

twincest, abuse, murder, toxicity, codependency

Problematic elements for Shoka x Ayano:

Age gap/underage ship. Shoka is 16 and Ayano is 19. Additionally, it's common to see them in a sisterly relationship, so some consider it to be incest. Lastly, they tried to kill each other (Ayano under the influence of brainwashing and Shoka in self defence) with Shoka succeeding in killing Ayano.

--

Propaganda for Despaircest:

MUKURO HAS A CANON CRUSH ON JUNKO. SHES ALWAYS FUCKING BLUSHING AROUND HER AND SHIT. THEYRE SO GAY. JUNKO LITERALLY SAYS SHE KILLED MUKURO BECAUSE IT WAS THE MOST DESPAIR SHE COULD EVER FEEL. SHE FUCKING LOVED HER TOO!!!!! - Twincest for the win! Junko also constantly abuses/tries to kill Mukuro and Mukuro is totally Into it! Plus Junko literally ends up killing Mukuro so yknow doomed yuri. They are so toxic and codependent and when Junko DOES end up killing Mukuro, she gets off to it, and says she wishes she were Mukuro!!! - They're THE incest sisters - Despaircest is soooo dear to me bc I shipped this shit even AS an anti man. Being obsessed w Junko is so entwined w Mukuro’s whole character that you cannot simply IGNORE the incest. Like man I don’t usually like twincest but these two. They are awful. - despaircest propaganda that was too big for the post:

Propaganda for Shoka x Ayano:

Shoka/Ayano is, to me, a deeply tragic yuri ship. For one thing, it's unrequited: Shoka canonically considers Ayano to be like an older sister to her. Ayano, on the other hand, refers to Shoka as "my darling:" a term you could use for siblings, but to me, hints at romantic feelings. She named her pet iguana "Shoka" as well, and most importantly, the only time her blushing sprite is ever used is after Shoka thanks her for helping her and taking care of her. They are both members of the Shinjuku Reapers, and start the game as close teammates and friends with a comfortable relationship together. Shoka speaks at length how much Ayano took care of her when Shoka first joined the reapers. Ayano shows protectiveness over Shoka and worries when she gets into danger. Shoka relies on Ayano to show her how to be a reaper. They seem codependent, but at this stage, it works for them. What makes this ship truly toxic is when their relationship falls apart. When the team moves to a new city, Shoka becomes less reliant on Ayano and finds herself at home in Shibuya, while Ayano struggles to adjust to the new city and to Shoka being with her less and less often. Later, Shoka becomes suspicious of her teammates' intentions for Shibuya and leaves the group. Ayano is so distraught at Shoka leaving the team that she willingly infects herself with Plague Noise in an effort to get Shoka to return to her side. When this doesn't work, Ayano lets the Plague Noise possess her, believing that if Shoka won't return to her willingly, she'll have to take her by force. The possession is irreversible, and Shoka is forced to mercy kill her. They get a brief moment together before Ayano is… gone forever. I'll link the video of their final confrontation and boss fight because it's so good. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyoa2beYC8A To me, the only reason people don't see them as a potential ship is because of the age gap, and perhaps because of Shoka seeing Ayano as a sister. It's disappointing because Ayano definitely has incredibly strong (possibly romantic) feelings for Shoka. The unrequited, mismatched love is part of the draw for me. I love how tragic it is. Seeing two girls who deeply loved each other's relationship fall apart until they fight to the death… and yet, still loving each other and mourning each other… it hurts so good. I'm submitting this partly because I hope there'll be more content if people get the idea of the ship, because it's almost nonexistent. I'll end it with a quote from Ayano that shows how far she would go to make Shoka come back to her: "You asked me to stay, but you strayed from my side. Never again… I won't let you out of my sight… even if I have to tear you limb from limb… I'll take every last piece of you with me…"

[wlfhardinc]

@akhillaous This is in response to your comment because it’s too long to say it in a reply. Plus this will explain my post for everyone else

Ok this is going to be long. I’m not great at explaining so this won’t be coherent plus this would have been way easier if I had visuals but alas The song of Achilles is a book so I’ll just have to try. In season 1 I think Jayce has more similarities with Achilles and Viktor has more similarities with Patroclus. Achilles and Patroclus were very innocent in their beliefs and whatnot in the beginning of the book. Jayce and V too in season 1. However that’s when Thetis/Mel come in. Yes I know this is kinda weird- I don’t want to compare Mel to Achilles’s mom either but hear me out. Mel sort of manipulated Jayce to do what he did for her benefits . Thetis did the same to Achilles to get what she wanted. Anyway, when Achilles and Patroclus end up going to Troy to fight, it all begins fine. Achilles protects Patroclus as much as possible because Patroclus has no fighters genes whatsoever. Jayce was also kind of protective to Viktor in some ways. My point is everything begins well. Both ships have the same principles. Achilles vows to not kill Hector (because of the prophecy that if he does, he will die) which is what Patroclus also wants, Jayce wants to make the world a better place which aligns with Viktor’s ideology. It is only later on when Achilles starts to get too prideful with all of the newfound fame as aristos aichon (best of all the Greeks) He makes dumbass decisions and Patroclus starts to get a little pissed. This is similar to season 1 Jayce and Viktor. Also I just want to quickly mention the women. Sky and Briseis both have a platonic but great relationship to Viktor and Patroclus. Mel and Deidama both had a romantic relationship with Jayce and Achilles where it is unclear whether they truly loved each other. In the Song of Achilles Achilles seems to have been forced to have sex with her while other perspectives on the Greek mythology says that they loved each other. In arcane everybody has different opinions and perspectives on Jayce and Mel’s relationship. I think those are all the parallels I could muster up for season 1. Next is season 2. In season 2 Jayce=Patroclus, Viktor=Achilles. There are definitely more evident similarities in season 2 I feel like. Viktor obviously leaves Jayce, ending their partnership. Whilst Achilles doesn’t exactly leave Patroclus, they do get into more and more arguments and differences. Viktor goes back to the undercity and becomes Jesus 2.0 or whatever. Achilles becomes prideful and starts getting high on all of the glory he’s receiving. Although both characters still have the same principles, they execute it terribly which leads to some problems with their partners as we know. Viktor goes crazy, Achilles goes crazy. At the end because of Achilles’s mess ups and arrogance, Patroclus basically sacrifices himself. Jayce did the same with Viktor. In the end, Jayce and Viktor sort of die and just become eternal beings or whatever. Patroclus and Achilles are also both dead in the end and also meet each other in the afterlife, becoming eternal beings in a way. However in the Song of Achilles, Patroclus was at first not buried properly which is why he was just a wandering ghost for some time. When Achilles died his situation worsened as literally the only person who would have buried him was dead. Achilles was buried because everyone loved him so there was no way he wasn’t buried. It was only when Thetis decided to let him go to the afterlife that he was able to meet Achilles. I thought that was pretty similar to the ending of Arcane when people would write the names of their loved ones who died during the war and no one wrote Viktor’s name because the only person who would’ve was with him. Also as I said in my post, ‘historians’/the general audience will know both relationships as close friends or brother. I’m sorry that this is so badly explained but I tried my best😭😭

[deandoesthingstome]

Ode to COD Writers

First of all: No, I'm probably not back. At least, not writing.

Second: No, I'm not changing my URL, icon photo, or...well, I guess I can't really say my concentration, but honestly. Who knows?

It isn't like this account has ever been exclusively one thing, and COD posts haven't been unheard of until now, but it certainly hasn't been where my attention has been. Until now.

I took a Tumblr break, but during one of my quick check ins I came across an amazing Ghost x Reader fic that had me hooked from the get go. Now, Ghost is not my type. Not really. But Soap sure as fuck is. So while I ran, ran I say, to AO3 to follow the rest of the Ghost series (tattooer!Ghost??? I bit hard), I also took the time to swing around the author's other works and then the tags to find more of what I crave.

Good. Fucking. Stories. (No, they don't have to be about fucking. But it's nice.) Stories written with passion and care. Stories that sink into you brain, swim around in your blood, and take up the breath in your body. Stories that put a new twist on an old idea, or come up with their own idea. Stories that make you want more, crave more.

So, I need to tell you about this. It may not mean anything to you. But if you know me, you know I love to tell you what I love about a story so that if it tickles your fancy in any way, maybe you'll take it for a spin and see if I lied. Check the cut for recommendations:

I haven't listed all elements of every fic, so be sure to read the tags and the warnings if there is something you don't like to read. I just needed to get this love letter out. I've added Tumblr account links where I could (and if my budding Nancy Drew skills failed me, I'm happy to remove the link.)

Johnny "Soap" MacTavish

it happens. - jo_lapeno (soap x reader) (I THINK this is @jolapeno here, but in a round about way. Her masterlist links to AO3, where the author has a pseud, so make sure to check out the jo_lapeno link also. I'm sure her Pedro fics are just as bomb.

This wasn't my first Soap fic. It won't be my last. But it's one I wish I could crawl into and wrap myself in. The push and pull, the way the story is crafted, the build of passion, desire, need, the worry, the love. Just see if this enemies to lovers doesn't fuel your desire.

Hung Scot Can’t Hold Himself Back, Huge Oneshot (Girlfriend POV) - callmepoison (soap x reader) (@goaskpoison - https://goaskpoison.tumblr.com/ I can't tag you. But also, I think this post explains why I'm still waiting for my hunger for storm chaser to be sated. And you better believe I switched my playlist from The Roots to The National as I write this. I'm not sure this is the vibe I envisioned while treading those steel halls, caressing those big birds, sneaking into quarters, fighting in the streets, but I like it just the same. It honestly feels like it fits the fic I was actually trying to rec just now...or maybe it fits "it happens", above?)

Unrelated to the playlist garble above, you aren't in the military in this one; you're a medical resident at UCLA Health. You find Johnny in the best way. You take the right risks and come away with the best prize. He is so. fucking. charming. The consummate co-pilot. An absolute dream come true. I'd happily crawl into this universe, too.

This Chapter 8 of Kinktober 2024 - Call of Duty - 1478963255 (yes that's the account name; I cannot find them on Tumblr) (soap x reader)

Like, all of them really. But this Soap x Reader quickie in the rain outside the bar down the alley where Ghost is watching will make you wish your back was against that brick wall.

storm chaser - callmepoison (soap x reader, ghost x reader, soap x reader x ghost?)

This is not complete. This is an interesting take on A/B/O. This had my heart racing, fingers clenching, breath held. I wanted to care as much about the ships as the author did, but I was too mesmerized by the OFC (you) to spend the time. I wanted to know everything, EVERYTHING, about her. I needed to know her name, her scent, the way her skin feels under my fingers... oh shit, that was Soap. That was how Soap felt. And it's funny, 'cause I'm 99.9% sure Soap is fucking Ghost (or maybe the other way?), but you're gonna end up fucking both maybe? I don't know because we're only 5 chapters in, but, my god! do you have a fun time getting here. Johnny is my hero.

The (Scottish) Cabin in the Woods - Charlie_M (soap x reader x ghost) (EDIT: @charliemwrites - I'm Charlie, too! )

Technically speaking, not just Johnny. This may have been one of the first COD fics I found and read on AO3, but it was well before this most recent foray. It started with you and Johnny at a cabin in the highlands, through a delicious vision of Johnny chopping wood, before it sent you to a masked man's cabin - chained to the wall next to Johnny. It's a total mindfuck. But beware - it also is not complete. There purports to be one more chapter, but who knows if it will ever come. I don't care. It's gorgeous.

Everything in Kinkmas 2024 - GloomWitch @gloomwitchwrites

Yes, the author of Ink & Needle, that tattooer!ghost x reader fic I mentioned above, is back with a quintet of cute little vignettes with Soap, Ghost, even Gaz. They are all special, but For Long Distance Fun is a beautiful homage to your favorite Scot.

Kinktober 2024 also gave us Monster (S)mash, the absolute best porn set you've ever been on. Soap, Chost, Gaz AND Price! Get 'em all in one! Just love everything about the detail, the world building, the admiration and love.

Simon "Ghost" Riley

I know I said he wasn't really my type. But good stories are and if they put me in his way, who am I to question it? Expand your horizons.

A Brute, Brute Heart - GloomWitch

Is also sending me to my knees for this man. It's only just begun, but if it does what it says, you are about to get dommed by Ghost. like. yes. please. This first chapter will set the mood. Enjoy.

ever yours....

[otnesse]

Trust me, if Misty can like or at least tolerate May, she certainly won't have too much of a problem with Serena regardless of the shipping war aspect. And I don't even like May, so if I'm willing to admit that much, yeah, I'm pretty sure Misty and Serena won't hate each other. Besides, never liked love triangles anyways since they have too much of a nasty tendency to make ALL parties involved look unsympathetic as a result (probably the only time I've seen a love triangle actually WORK was in Disney's The Little Mermaid, the 1989 original I mean).

I may not be too fond of how Serena was basically a forced-in retcon to Ash's past to say the very least, but I will say ONE good thing about Serena overall (well, aside from maybe having some aspects of toxic parenting in her background and also an actual plausible setup for her reaction to failing that showcase): At least she wasn't an offensive stereotype of a French lady like Cecile Cosima Caminades was in Peace Walker (and let me point out that game was aimed for a MUCH younger audience bracket than the usual Metal Gear fare, closer to Pokemon's Kodomo genre in fact, yet she STILL came across as being like a French bimbo who gets around a lot):

Hope you got ear gauze, because you're definitely going to need it for after watching it due to how her French accent came out (oh, and a bit of trivia, her English voice actress voiced Padme in the TCW series. And her Japanese voice is Katsuragi from Senran Kagura).

If you thought Serena in the anime was badly characterized as-is regarding her crush on Ash, just imagine if she behaved EXACTLY like Cecile there (who specifically was written to be Sultry and a veteran of the May 1968 student riots right down to free love), she'd be a WHOLE LOT WORSE (especially when Serena's implied to be 10). Think George Lucas's intent for Marion Ravenwood to have sex with Indiana Jones at 12 and already being promiscuous by that time regarding just HOW bad that would be.

Sure, Serena isn't Yvonne from PokeSpecial, nor is she even Helena Douglas of Dead or Alive fame, but she definitely could have come out a WHOLE lot worse, so we ought to be grateful that she didn't get even worse writing all things considered.

Heck, forget Serena, that Cecile lady makes those blonde triplets from Disney's Beauty and the Beast seem smart by comparison (and considering their official name is The Bimbettes, that's not meant to be a compliment).

You put them against each other to deal with ship war

I get them on the same page about a topic they both love

We are not the same ✨👇💕💖

[nadiuu]

I saw a post mentioning how Matt most likely has ADHD, and since I 100% agree, I wanted to elaborate a bit here (also because I’ll approach it from a matt/mello angle and I don’t want to annoy anyone who doesn’t ship them). I’ve also noticed that this is a headcanon that many people share, so I’d like to delve deeper into it. I’ve been meaning to write a mini-analysis on why these two are so compatible due to their neurodivergences. Please keep in mind that English isn’t my native language so sorry for any mistakes, and I’ll be projecting a lot of myself here, so be kind XDD

It’s not crazy to think that Matt might have ADHD based on the few clues we have in canon. Mogui and Misa’s escape could indeed be attributed to good planning, and not necessarily Matt’s fault, but the guy makes it clear that he’s absolutely bored to death having to keep watch and is always glued to his console.

And you might say: Nadiu, just because he gets bored watching something static doesn’t mean he has trouble concentrating. Sure, it’s normal to get bored. But Matt is aware of how important it is to keep watch, and even then, he can’t help it. If his brain doesn’t receive enough stimuli, he dieeeees (which could be an indicator of his giftedness), and he’ll seek out little dopamine boosts wherever he can. If it’s not gaming, it’ll be eating junk food. If it’s not eating, it’ll be smoking. This could indicate a certain level of anxiety (again, a possible indicator of giftedness or ADHD).

We also know he’s someone who hates the outdoors. Why might this be? For someone with ADHD, being surrounded by too much stimulation can be overwhelming. Gifted people will tend to notice everything around them, and those with 2e (gifted + ADHD) may struggle to focus their attention if they’re overstimulated. They pick up on all the stimuli and can’t focus on just one. This could lead them to prefer isolating themselves, at least occasionally, especially when they reach burnout.

Another thing to consider is his lack of sociability. This doesn’t have to be exclusive to ADHD because it’s also common among gifted people, even without 2e. For gifted people, socializing can be hard if there’s nothing engaging to take away from a conversation (our greatest enemy is small talk hahhaha). This doesn’t apply to everyone, but it’s a fairly common factor. We like to keep our brains stimulated 24/7.

Now imagine someone who perceives everything around them, analyzes every detail, and can’t discern what’s important and what isn’t. They’re chatting with you, but instead of focusing on what you’re saying, they can’t help but notice your eyelid twitching e.g., which might mean you’re stressed, and then they start thinking about all the possible reasons you might be stressed. Meanwhile, there are countless sounds and stimuli around them that they can’t ignore. It’s going to be hard for them to really listen to you, and they might not feel at peace until they get home, where they can finally relax. Gifted people can also be sensitive to light and sound; in our homes, we control everything. They’re our safe spaces.

Again, this doesn’t have to be true for everyone. Let’s remember that every person is unique.

That leads me to Mello—he’s an example of how someone can be gifted and still be sociable. I don’t think Mello has any neurodivergence beyond his giftedness, without 2e (adhd or autism). I know there’s some debate about whether giftedness counts as a neurodivergence, but let’s assume it does for the sake of this post ahhahah

I think the most interesting trait of Mello, in terms of his giftedness, is his hyper-demanding nature. We tend to be perfectionists, extremely demanding of ourselves, which leads to low frustration tolerance. We want to achieve excellence and can become obsessive in pursuing our goals. However, we’re very likely to encounter obstacles (without obstacles there’s no growth), but we often don’t know how to deal with them. Needless to say, this ties in with Near, who is a prodigy, and with Mello’s inferiority complex.

So, why are Matt and Mello such a good match?

First of all, in Wammy’s House, Matt didn’t pose a threat to Mello. Matt was ranked third, and whether it was due to a lack of interest or difficulties with studying, he never surpassed Mello. For Mello, anything below him wasn’t important; what deserved all his attention was whatever was above him.

We have to assume they maintained some kind of friendship at Wammy’s House because years later, when Mello is left on his own, he reaches out to Matt, and Matt comes to his aid. Matt drops everything to go to him. He knows what he’s getting into, the risks involved, and yet he does it. He must have some motivation to help find Kira. And if it’s alongside his old friend, even better.

Here’s where the sociability factor comes in. How many friendships could an introverted guy have made in those five years, after losing the ‘shelter’ of an orphanage full of kids similar to him and being thrown into the real world, surrounded by neurotypical people? You get what I mean, right...? Mello must have left some sort of mark on him if Matt went all the way to New York for him. Could it be that he was already in New York? Maybe, but let me dream hahaha

Now imagine how an introvert and an extrovert, both incapable of forming and maintaining relationships with others due to that sense of being misunderstood (‘the world is neurotypical and I’ve never dealt with it’), complement each other. This makes me think about Near’s loneliness, but we’ll leave that for another day XD Matt works from the safety of home, and Mello, obsessed with success, has no problem going out because he takes the world head-on. Matt, who has likely felt somewhat useless his whole life because of his ADHD, has Mello by his side telling him “I choose you”. Matt, who might have always been a bit insecure, has Mello betting on him. Maybe because he has no other choice? Maybe, but if Mello wants to find someone else who can truly understand him, his only option is Matt.

Mello, who’s willing to blow himself up to win, then has Matt telling him, “Calm down. Stay in tonight to play video games and smoke a joint.” Mello, who has some suicidal idea for catching Kira, shares it with Matt, and Matt agrees because his brain has produced more dopamine in two months than in five years. The Kira case is a puzzle that stimulates them and gives them a purpose.

To wrap this up, I want to share a dialogue (still a rough draft) that will appear later in my fic, putting the cherry on top of this tragedy. Matt tries to dissuade Mello from pursuing the Kira case after the massive scar he earned on his face.

Matt: Why is it your duty to keep going? Why yours? Mello: Who else will do it? Who can keep up with Kira? Matt: You, right? Or Near. Or me. Because we had the sheer luck of being born with this intellect. Mello: Yes. Matt: No. You and I have no duty to a society that failed us. We don’t have to fix the problems of a society that let us rot in that institution. Is it because we’re orphans? Is that it? Do we have nothing to lose but our lives? No one to mourn us if we die? Because there are plenty of other people out there with the abilities you and I have, and I don’t see them risking their necks the way you do. They weren’t pushed to become detectives. They have something to lose; they have their families. Do you deserve to die just because no one will miss you?

And if you’ll allow me to break your heart a little more, Matt’s next thought is:

'Because it’s not even true. You’ll kill me if I lose you again.'

[theoldkyokodied]

Aaaaand more very quick stream doodles. This one shot was so fun to watch, it’s so sad that it had to end already. But oh well, let’s not dwell on that and let’s enjoy the good time we had, like disguised tiefling gale being both Karlachs and astarions type, wyll and gale having a spa day, bing bong in general (rip king, you will be missed), and of course the 8 strength fight for magic items <3 thanks to the cast for the chaos, I enjoyed it thoroughly