#aro spec issues

[realthoughtsreal]

Aceness

Um guys. Fellow aroaces.

How the fuck do you find people to date?

Seriously, what f secret am I missing here?

I want love so badly.

[elasgottoomuchfreetime]

You know what I don’t get? Dating. Or more specifically, asking someone out you haven’t known that long. Or at all.

Like, how does it work?

You mean to tell me, that there are people out there, who see another person, think “they‘re cute/they seem cool“ and just go up and say “Hey, you wanna go on a date with me?“

AND THEY AGREE?!

I mean, I don‘t think I could do that. Like, what do you mean “go on a date“? We don’t even know each other.

And then they’re like “Well you get to know them while you‘re dating.“

So, dating is like making a new friend with the implication that both of you might be up for it turning romantic and/or sexual? Is that what it means? Or is it already romantic and/or sexual, because you felt sexually and/or romantically attracted to them and that‘s why you asked them out? Or is it like skipping friendship? Does it depend on the situation? Is that common? Can you have a proper relationship with someone who‘s not your friend?

[everythingdestroyingme]

I never thought this would happen. I thought for someone not to leave me, abandon me, I’d have to carve away at myself, like a whittled wooden cube or an amateur’s apprentice’s marble statue.

But here I am, still me, still myself, but with opened eyes and a heart that might just have made space for myself.

I always thought if I were to have a longterm partner, I would need to become something I’m not, pretend to feel something I couldn’t, deal with things I once thought were normal. I’ve found that’s not the case at all.

I never thought I’d feel love. I never thought I’d understand it’s hearts pull. I was comfortable in my aromanticism. I accepted it, and myself. But I wanted desperately, enough to claw at the mud lined walls of the pit I called my home, to find someone who wouldn’t leave me. It didn’t have to romantic, it just needed to last.

Eight months ago I met a boy. I never expected much, boys only really interested me in my head. I’d always imagined myself with a woman because then she’d understand what I couldn’t give her and what I could.

But six months ago this boys told me he loved me and hasn’t let go of my hand.

I met a boy with toasted marshmallows for his eyes and hair made of winter mountain cabins and slow dancing in refracted moonlight. I met a boy whose mind complements mine. Our mouths can jabber on in our sleep in our wake in our new apartment just down the line.

He taught me to love, showed me the motions showed me the rush and the flush and then tender touch of someone who’s world has become yours.

At the end of it all he’s made me understand myself and my feelings more than I ever could. I’m still asexual, I’m still biromantic, and I’m certain I’m still on the aro-spectrum. But I’ve found that one person that showed me what love feels like and I’m more comfortable than I have ever been with myself and who I am.

[spotaus]

Hey! You know what I forgot to officially make a post about?

Art Requests Are Open!

I'd like everything to be utmv/undertale/deltarune related, but AUs, Ocs, etc are all up for it as long as they're related to the Fandom! Drop requests in my Ask Box! (If You're requesting for an oc/headcanoned character/lesser known au please add a reference if you can!)

(Side Notes: I Will attempt ships if they're requested, but I can't guarantee that I'll ever actually get finished 🙏)

Happy requesting, folks!

[skyedancer2006]

I hate amanormativity

Me and an IRL friend were hanging out in our local library’s Teen Zone and I decided to lean my head over on his shoulder. He was fine with it and we sat like that watching some mutual friends of ours gaming for around half an hour I think? We both had a great time and had some good conversations between us and the other people there

Well immediately after I left some of the other guys there started asking my friend if I had a thing for him (aka asking if I liked him romantically or something). The answer is very much no; we’re close friends and there isn’t anything romantic between us. Yet these guys assumed there was bc I was laying my head on his shoulder for a while.

I’m a very physically affectionate person; it’s the main way I show how much I care about people. A comforting hand on the shoulder, a hug, sitting close to each other so we’re practically touching, and things like what happened with my friend today. The problem is that people immediately assume romantic intention with anything past a hug (even handholding!!!) which mean that I have a really hard time showing my care for people most of the time.

Today was amazing for me cause my friend let me be more comfortable with him and show my appreciation for him in the way that means the most to me. But of course that assumption of romance by others around us puts a damper on it.

[emmiri-bumble]

Happy International Asexuality Day!

When i was a tween, i always assumed i'd grow up to look and love the way that adults in media did. I never looked like them. And i never came to understand them. But i was a wonderful person all along. and i was always suitable to be loved.

I was always beautiful and worthy of love. Ace and all.

[starfishinthedistance]

Poking fun at Christianity is nothing but she had said some aphobic rhetoric herself when she came out. "I'm not some emotionless monster" to if she loves her friends and family. Also ableist rhetoric that is too often perpetuated in our community by thinking what makes others human is empathy which is wrong. What is human just human, it's an identity and species, that's it.

Yeah I'm in agreement there.

I do believe certain jokes at Christianity go too far (I've seen very few that are that bad, they were just very extreme and objectively awful things to say) but hers was very minor in my opinion, it does feel like an overreaction.

I agree with the second point, parts of her coming out felt like it was throwing loveless aros under the bus, and also people with low empathy. People mistaking empathy for morality or compassion is extremely commonplace and ableist, it does a lot of harm to neurodivergents with low empathy, namely people with ASPD and NPD, and they already go through enough. I call that shit out every time I see it.

That post wasn't a commentary on Jaiden, or her coming out, or even the joke itself (although it seems like it was interpreted that way by many), it was commentary on how whenever a queer person does something wrong or is involved in some kind of controversy, people immediately default to the revelant queerphobia that they obviously already had but kept hidden until it was "acceptable" to voice it, and how we shouldn't let them get away with it. Because whenever you call it out, people always default to "stop making this about sexuality/gender!!! they don't deserve respect, they did a bad thing!!!" And if you try to explain how the things being said have an impact on innocent queer people, they'll accuse you of derailing the discussion or centering yourself. Actually this can be applied to many minorities.

The post was rushed (I had seen horribly aphobic stuff being said and quickly posted while still high on emotions) and I don't think I got my point across as well as I could, so absolutely no shade to anyone who misinterpreted it :)

[koushirouizumi]

Repeat!Taichi: You deserve better than these... "One night Stands" or--- Repeat!KoushirO Izumi, Point Blank: I'd be *fine* with just "one night stands" Repeat!TAICHI:

[ketchtheblues]

Being bi but also being in the aromantic spec is so confusing. Like yes I wanna date all genders but I also hardly have crushes irl. How am I supposed to do my dream to date someone amazing if my brain hardly gives me any option to date someone??

[realthoughtsreal]

An ace finds an ace

This Monday, for the first time in my life, I met another ace.

At 22, in a small country, I had long accepted I’d never meet another ace here, nevermind people who respected it or even understood the meaning of the word.

I had gotten some kind of vibe from them, I knew we’d get along great, and I could tell they were queer somehow, but I didn’t really imagine them to be ace, you know? Because it’s always easier to picture someone as bi, pan, or gay, than it is to picture them as ace.

Do you know how few of us there are, compared to other sexualities? So few that meeting in the wild is a miracle.

I found out when we were chatting after class, they’re one of my classmates. A group of us were talking about some ‘hearmeout’ trend on Tiktok about attractive characters and we asked each other the ones we’d choose. My turn came and I shrugged awkwardly, saying “No idea. I’m, well, ace so. Yeah.”

To my great pleasure and surprise, the others didn’t bat an eye or ask me what ace was, they just asked “Oh, just ace or aro too?” Their gazes didn’t changed a bit, they were still just as kind and friendly.

I was shocked and sorta just mumbled “Well yeah? Sort of both? I mean I know I can feel romantic attraction for someone, but it has happened less than 3 times in my life. So. Yeah.”

“Oh I see.”

And then this classmate, that I had thought from the first day was cool as hell goes “Oh me too actually.”

And dudes. My guys. When I tell you my jaw didn’t drop but I immediately froze and got teary eyed. My eyes got all shiny and a wide, genuine smile spread over my cheeks. My chest quivered and suddenly I feared I’d start to cry. I got choked up and barely replied.

To think I’d finally meet another ace, a classmate at that, and one who I really get along with?!

I didn’t realize how desperate I was for connection and understanding from someone in the same position as me until that moment. We got talking and I kept choking up over my words, because we had the same experiences and issues in high school because of our aceness.

My heart was absolutely shaken, but I felt warm all over. Comfort like none other I had known before; the comfort of being known and understood.

This extremely cool person was like me.

I barely held back tears, but couldn’t push down my instinctual smiles and bright attitude after that.

I’ve kept the happy mood all week, and every time we see each other, we now chat and greet each other naturally. There’s a connection and mutual understanding between us, now that we know we are both ace, and we’re the first ace we’ve met to one another.

Aceness can be tough. It is tough. And isolating. But it being isolating from the rest of society and its way of life, doesn’t mean we have to be lonely.

We can find and choose friends and family to fill our lives. As ace/aro people, our lives will always look different from allos, but that’s okay.

I feel like this year, I’ve been learning to come to terms with that. I’m learning how to be a happy ace in this society. I have friends I hang out and talk with, I have family members who see me and accept me, have never made me feel like I need to explain my existence/come out, I go to class and have fun, I enjoy going to cafes, I can be happy for others without envy for their life styles.

We’re people too. Not abnormal freaks.

Maybe not everyone will respect us. Maybe not everyone will like us as people. Maybe some will always thinks of us as sick.

But you, ace person reading this, must know you are not sick. You are not a freak, and you are not alone. We’re out there. You just have to reach out.

And to the allo person reading this; inform yourself. Remember to treat everyone with kindness and patient understanding. Asexuality is not a sickness, that’s a common misconception. If you encounter an ace person in the wild, just treat them as you would everyone else: with kindness. Do not question their existence. They’ve had enough of that. Respect aroace people, do not force them into situations theymre uncomfortable with.

[sinceyousawvienna]

the tragedy of aromanticism

sometimes I just want to feel like everyone else I feel like I’m missing out it’s unfair I’m the one excluded again

[mentally-disabled]

I ACCIDENTALLY LIKED. I HAVE NEVER UNLIKED SOMETHING AS FAST AS I DID JUST NOW

Trying to prove a point

REBLOG IF YOU THINK AROACE / aro/ ace PEOPLE ARE A VALID PART OF THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY , LIKE IF YOU DON’T

[66kenobi66]

Vivziepop Can't Write LGBT People (In General) PT. 2

It seems, just like many other artists, Vivziepop seems to think: More representation = Good representation. When honestly, in execution, it ends up being the exact opposite.

TRANS (Sally May)

Sally May: Not terrible representation, actually. She's nice, pretty, cool, and I'm pretty sure her VA is actually a trans woman. My biggest sticking points with her are that: 1) It's kind of a let down that our only real representation is a side character who's only showed up in 2 episodes (one of which was a short, not even a full episode) and; 2) sexualized in her merch for having a bulge.

And before someone says: "What about background character #45965464???" Those don't count. A background character with no lines, impact on the story, or name does not count as proper or meaningful representation, for obvious reasons.

ARO//ACE SPEC. (Mammon, Alastor)

Alastor: Seemingly, he's not even aware of his own orientation when you consider his surprised reaction to Rosie calling him "an Ace in the hole". Now, I would normally have no issue with a character finding out their identity through-out a show, but apart from Rosie's comment and jokes about him being unnerved by Angel's sexual comments to him, there isn't really any other implications of Alastor's aromantic/asexual identity. And considering how Husk and Sir Pentious (2 non-aro/ace characters) also reject Angel's comments, there are no real references to Alastor's orientation apart from Rosie's offhand comment.

Mammon: Came out of literally nowhere. There's even less implications than Alastor we're left to work with. He even behaves like a typical sleazy, creepy, predatory, boundary-pushing boss, which seems slightly strange when paired with his supposed asexuality (ex. Selling the Fizz bots/dolls, calling Glitz/Glam "hotties", etc.) I've already said my piece on why I believe Vivzie made this choice in another post, so you can check my account for that.

All her Pan characters are getting their own post because it's a whole mess.

[arklayraven]

Current VNs characters I know that are canonly ace, aro, aroace, demi and other identities that fall on the ace and/or aro spectrum. With sources and game links (if available).

Inspired by my list of pan rep in VNs too.

Will update if more are found or such.

(Updated: 10/23/24)

Carrd list version

⚠️ Notice: This post for listing canon characters who fall on the ace and/or aro spectrum from visual novel games(whether officially released, demos, etc). Not about the devs and any possible issues they had in the past. So please keep any/all discussions over them off this post. ⚠️

Intertwine

Van (demisexual)

Source | Game

Mushroom Oasis

Mychael (asexual panromantic)

Sources: 1 | 2 | Game

14 Days With You

Ren (demi/pansexual)

Elanor (demi/panromantic + asexual)

Leon (demi/pansexual)

Source | Game

The Kid At The Back

Geo (asexual)

Source | Game

Where Winter Crows Go

Crowe (demisexual and demi-panromantic)

Aspen (graysexual and panromantic)

Source | Source | Archive source | Game

Repurpose

Noel (asexual panromantic)

Source | Game

Sweet Tooth

Andre (pansexual/demi)

Source | Game

Your Guardian Angel

Noel (pan/demi)

Joel (bi/ace)

Source | Game

Colored Gaze

Zachary (demi)

Source (broken/unavailable, explanation why, with archive source screenshot and more) | Game

Our Life: Beginnings & Always

Cove (panromantic demisexual, previous labeled as pansexual too)

Sources: 1 | 2 | Game

XOXO Droplets

Bae (asexual)

Source | Game

My Dear Hatchet Man

Erika (biromantic and demisexual, with a preference for women)

Source | Game

Alaris

Etza (demisexual)

Aisa (demisexual)

Source | Game

Broken Colors

Rasmus (demiromantic)

Milla (asexual)

Shadowman (bisexual and demisexual)

Sources: 1 | 2 | 3 | Game

Klein v.0.1

Yael (demisexual)

Source | Game

Hummingbird's Crown

Wren (demisexual and panromantic)

Galvin (graysexual and demi-biromantic)

Lonan (asexual and panromantic)

Sources: 1 | 2 | 3 | Archive source | Game

Panacea: Rebirth

Angis (demisexual and panromantic)

Nox (aroace)

Sources: 1 | 2 | Archive source | Game

Killer Trait

Oz (graysexual and biromantic)

Fawna (demisexual and demi-biromantic)

Arthur (aroace)

Carl (pansexual and demi-panromantic)

Sources: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | Archive source | Game

Potion Pleasing

Parker (asexual and panromantic)

Rue (asexual and gray-panromantic)

Sources: 1 | 2 | Archive source | Game

Petrichor

Pommy (graysexual and demi-biromantic)

Source | Archive source | Game

Monochrome Pixels

Diana (graysexual and demi-biromantic)

Enya (asexual and panromantic)

Sources: 1 | 2 | Archive source | Game

Magical Warrior Diamond Heart

Sophie (lesbian and asexual)

Amber (asexual and aromantic)

Liam (bisexual and demisexual)

Source | Game

Pushing Up Daisies

Oliver (unsure / demisexual)

Source | Game

Restart Heart

Willow (demiromantic)

Xiomara (aroace)

Asha (aroace)

Sources: 1 | 2 | Game

Here For Sweethearts!

Vasilis (unlabelled m-spec ace)

Mary (bi ace)

Reginald (bi ace)

Acanthibar (aro)

Source | Game

Astoria: Fate's Kiss & Astoria: Lost Kisses

Josh (aromantic asexual)

Athena (aromantic asexual)

Source | Game

Love & Legends

Imohn Idreis (aromantic asexual)

Source | Game

Havenfall is for Lovers

Levana Helsing (asexual biromantic)

John Lapin (asexual biromantic)

Source | Game

Sweet Enchantments

Emeril Everbloom (demisexual lesbian)

Elyscia Volalin (asexual biromantic)

Source | Game

Queen of Thieves

Nikolai Stirling (demisexual pansexual)

Raveena Patel (demisexual)

Source | Game

Sin With Me

Malakai Collins (demisexual)

Nahara (bisexual demisexual)

Source | Game

Would You Stay?

Kiyomi (asexual biromantic)

Source | Game

In Your Dreams

Lynde (demisexual)

Traumfänger (demisexual)

Source | Game

A Late Night Convo

Seo-jun (demisexual)

Source | Game

First Skate

Seo-jun (demisexual)

Source | Game

Nat(urally) Me

Helia (asexual)

Source | Game

Drink of Choice

Valeria (ace)

Source | Game

Duplicity

Griffin (demi pansexual)

Tris (demisexual)

Taipan (graysexual)

Melon (asexual)

Mags (asexual)

Sources: 1 | 2 | 3 | Game

[barrenclan]

hey, read the most recent issue- as an aroace person, i have...alot of issues with the term "Mateless"?

unless it's in universe meant to refer to a cat who's uninterested in a relationship, in which case that's fine. but the implication i got was it being a term for being aroace (or at the very least aromantic), which is...not good.

it runs with the idea that aroace people can't be in relationships or enjoy being in relationships, which is really harmful. as an aroace person in a romantic relationship, and hope to add more people to said relationship if the time comes, i can say it's completely inaccurate to assume all aroace folk aren't interested in romantic or sexual relationships. being aroace just means you don't have the attraction, but you can still like being in romantic and sexual relationships with other people.

hope this was easy enough to understand- if not feel free to DM me or smthn and i can go more in-depth. this is also not meant to be hostile at all- since i assume it was likely just ignorance, which is okay! aroace stuff tends to get burried alot so it's understandable :']

Hi! I really appreciate your concerns, I'm glad that you said something - I definitely never want people to feel like they can't critique me or the story. "Mateless" does in fact refer to a cat uninterested in romantic/sexual relationships, like Asphodelpaw and Egrettail. In this universe, human terms for sexuality don't exist, like Pinepaw referring to himself as a "tom who likes toms but not she-cats" rather than gay or homosexual. If there was a cat in the story who wanted a relationship/sex but felt no attraction for it, maybe they'd call themself something like "a mate with no sex" or "a mate without romance", when we would call them "aroace" or "grey-ace" or what have you. Who knows! "Mateless" very specifically refers to Asphodelpaw and Egrettail's positions. Like Egrettail says...

I myself am aromantic asexual, with no interest in sex or relationships. However this does mean I tend to bring that unconscious bias when writing a-spec characters, and I do genuinely apologize if it seems like I was excluding aro/ace people who have sex or are in relationships.

[green-enby]

Heyo! Have you watched Koisenu Futari (恋せぬふたり, Two people who can't fall in love) yet? It's a great series, just 8 episodes long! I binged it in one day :) [smiley]

It focuses on two aromantic asexual people living together. This is a little appreciation post, containing some thoughts that it evoked in me as an aroace.

If you don't want spoilers, please don't read!

It's so relatable how Sakuko keeps blaming herself all throughout the show… Insecurity stemming from societal expectations that dictate romance is for everyone, and that people who don't date are somehow "failing" in life; I think this affects allos as well.

When I broke off my romantic relationship, I too felt like it had been my fault, for not having been a good enough partner, for not being able to love them in the same way they loved me.

To finally learn that you are not "defective", that there's other people like you…! I love how the two MCs don't grieve their lack of attraction; Sakuko is perfectly happy discovering she's aroace. She and Takahashi are living their "best life" together.

Sure, many aroaces do wish they were allo, and that needs to be represented too, but this series to me really shined a light over why they want that: it's because amatonormativity is rampant in the world, not because lacking attraction is inherently sad. The main conflicts in the series stem from the clash between allo society and the aroace experience, after all. I think that's neat! It gave me a good dose of aroace joy—while still showing the hurts that come with it, realistically—and I really needed it.

I didn't expect her to come out to her family so soon, but whoa, that was intense. Her mother's negative reaction is what all people who exclude a-spec people from the LGBTQIA+ community should see, to understand that we face the same issues they do.

I haven't come out to my parents as aroace yet, and watching this made me realize how awful it actually feels to be in the closet. I somehow hadn't realized I am. I've always felt safe coming out to them as other things, as bisexual back in the day, and as trans non-binary.

It might be because my confidence disappeared when they reacted badly both times, but this coming out feels almost impossible.

Comparing it to coming out as bi, it's really not that different: if you're bi, you're promiscuous and date too many people; if you're aroace, you're a prude and cold-hearted. If you break away from the status quo, you're wrong either way.

But at least, most people do eventually understand the bi experience, if they understand same-gender attraction, and fuse it with straightness, even though it's a flawed method.

With aros and aces, instead, it's such an alien concept for an allo, which makes it way harder to come out and have to explain to them how to deconstruct allo-amatonormativity. It's exhausting. Thankfully, there's people like Kazu who are actually willing to learn about us. That gives me hope.

I feel like it's super eye-opening to find out the concept of romance didn't even exist in the past. Pretty sure that in Europe, it originated during the Middle Ages from the ideal of chivalry. So it's really just a social construct, and opting out of it shouldn't be so controversial!

It's just a set of pointless, annoying rules like having to kiss eachother, having to say "I love you", and doing it all a set amount of times, otherwise it's not good enough. What if we don't want to? What if it doesn't come natural to us? If it's just a social construct, fuck it, I'm not adhering to that! We do whatever makes us happy!

Even in the series itself, Sakuko too goes through a heartbreak, even if it's not the romantic kind: she valued her friendship and future cohabitation with Chizuru above all else, but Chizuru abandoned her, because of romantic love. It's not true that aroaces have it easy.

Like our MC, we have to deal with fear that we'll come off flirty when we're just being friendly, confusion over concepts that we feel we should understand, shame over the fact that we're different, fear of loneliness, frustration and pain that we'll always come second to our friends' romantic partners, or even trauma from a relationship or sexual encounter that we didn't really want. I could go on and on.

These last scenes really got to me. Especially the second one… I admit that I cried, when she had to turn her down, and it seemed like her aromanticism had ruined their relationship. It hurts that the way I am could seriously harm someone I care about. It hurts that most people work differently and that they can't help it, and that we can't help it either. I don't like being put in that position, to cause someone a heartbreak. I have with my ex, and had to watch them spiral down… It was horrible.

Still, I wouldn't change my orientation for the world. I'm confident in my identity, I love being aroace.

In the end, we can all reach our full potential, reach a point where we feel fulfilled and that we're living our best life, find ourselves a family if it's what we want, have our dream job and house. Being aroace doesn't condemn us to a life of unhappiness. That's what this series left me with by the end; it gave me so much hope for my future.

(I'm aware I'm coming off as a bit toxically positive here haha, sorry if I'm striking a bad chord; I'm just in a really good period right now, and riding this wave for as long as I can! Hopefully I can rub it off someone else as well.)

That said, I really loved this j-drama, it was funny and relatable and emotional, I wished it had lasted longer! It seems like the author isn't even aroace herself, so I'm amazed at how good the representation was! So much thought and research has gone into it, and it shows; the result is amazing.

Thanks for reading my scattered thoughts about this! 🧡💛🤍🩵💙