#aro eddie

[scattered-winter]

i would be very interested in your aro buck and aro eddie aus and headcanons!!! i am aspec myself, and i have been enjoying aspec buck and eddie takes in fic, but i almost never see them being aro. if you feel comfy sharing, i am all eyes 😍🌈❤️

the aro eddie hcs are more based in what I've seen in canon (because he's sooooooooo coded <33) and the aro buck hcs are more born from spite than anything else BUT I WILL HAPPILY TELL YOU ABOUT THEM<3

so the thing abt eddie is that bro is NOT interested in a relationship. pepa's trying to get him to date, but he's just really not into it. now one could read this in many ways, all equally valid, but I'm choosing to interpret this as him being more comfortable with not wanting a relationship. he keeps comparing the dates to what he had with shannon, as a kid. and he can't find anything like that as an adult so he's saying he's Waiting For The Right Person (when in reality what he had with shannon was probably idealized + romanticized because they were KIDS. they were kids and they both had more responsibility than they should have had to handle at that age and so I feel like eddie is very much looking through rose-colored lens when it comes to what he had with shannon.) and I'm not denying that they had anything, because it's soo clear that they loved each other a lot!!!!! this might be a hot take but I think one of the reasons why they fell apart the way they did was because of how much love was there. but that's something for another post. but regardless, eddie is using a romance he had as a kid to compare to the potential romances he could have as an adult. which to ME is very aro coded because there's this framework of What Romance Should Look Like that a lot of aro people try and make themselves fit into, at least at first. and idk there's something to be said for how much eddie loves his team and his kid and all the people in his life who he doesn't have any kind of romantic obligation to. it's only when there are expectations for A Romance To Develop where he starts getting cagey

and the whooole thing with ana just really highlights this because the ENTIRE time, eddie was focused purely on what ana brought to the table in terms of chris. chris needed someone to take care of him during the blackout, chris liked having ana over, chris needed another caregiver in his life that he loved and trusted, so clearly eddie needed to keep dating ana because she gave chris all of those things. and when eddie finally does come to terms with the fact that he's keeping ana at a distance because he doesn't feel the things he should feel about her, he breaks up with her, and has been reluctant to jump back into any relationships ever since.

and for buck, I'm always fascinated by characters who are overly sexual/romantic because in the rich inner world they're compensating for a lack of those feelings. so buck in my rich inner world is both aromantic and asexual, and the way he behaves (or USED to behave) is his way of trying to Cope With Being Different. he grew up in the amatonormative world we live in, where kids on the playground are teased about friends of the opposite gender because everyone knows you can't be friends with someone without having Attraction (sarcasm), and with the upbringing we knew he had from his parents (or lack thereof), I really think a kid on both the aro and ace spectrums surrounded by all that would lean all the way into the other direction to Compensate. his parents only gave him attention when he got hurt doing something reckless, and I think this is kind of the same flavor where he thinks if he has enough sex or has a deep and meaningful enough romantic relationship, he'll be Fixed. and idk. for buck it's more about the Vibes than anything else but eddie is sooooooo aro coded it makes me insane

anyway my ideal buddie is a qpr where they sort of blur the lines between Traditional Friendship and Traditional Romance (like they already do) and they never really consciously make a shift into Romance Territory because they don't need to!!! they're happy where they are!!!! they love each other and they're raising a kid together and if people want to try and fit them into a box that's their problem, not buddies'.

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

I’m going to start QPRing/non-shipping ships, and not just any ships, but the ships everyone “agrees” on.

Merlin and Arthur - QPR hardcore, kissing is okay, sex not so much, committed

Sirius and Remus - not romantically together, both aro coded HARD sex is 100% on the table, they’re committed but also just vibin no romo yes homo

Buck and Eddie - QPR. No notes

Enid and Wednesday - honestly Wednesday was always repulsed aroace coded to me, so maybe QPR but more friends who have a closer relationship

I have more I’m just tired but everyone add their own!!

[the-meme-monarch]

yeah that ship is fine it's whatever (<- hates it badly but doesn't have any reason to and doesn't want to seem like an ass over it)

[carolperkinsexgirlfriend]

Steddie Upside-Down AU Part 117

Part 1 Part 116

Things should speed up after that, but they don't. Life drags, the way it always does when you're caught up on it—the minutiae of days slipping by in inches.

Eddie revels in it. Every day, at home, at school, in bed, at Steve's side. He revels even more when their school sentence is stayed for a few weeks of uninterrupted quality time. 

It should feel new. They’ve redefined the lines that lie between them, tied a red string of fate between both their hearts. 

It should feel new, but it doesn’t.

Not much changes, really. Steve was right. They were already everything, and this doesn't change that. The kisses are nice though, warm, and soft, and wanting in the morning light filtering in through the curtains.

They’re nice in the dark, too, fingers fumbling to try to find faces. Eddie likes all of it, everything, as long as it’s with Steve. 

Steve, who never takes the ring off. It makes something squirm in his stomach when he looks down and sees it there. He finds himself reaching out to touch it, spinning it around and around in quiet moments.

Steve always lets him, leaning into Eddie’s space like he likes it. Eddie’s always leaving spaces in his life for Steve and hoping he’ll fill them up. 

So, when Carol kidnaps Steve in the middle of a lazy afternoon spent twined around each other, Eddie waves a jaunty goodbye as Steve climbs into Barb’s backseat and gets to work. 

He starts with their nicest set of flannel sheets, some scissors, a sewing needle, and a dream. They won’t have money to replace them for a while, but needs must. 

It takes hours, long enough that he’s been periodically feeling for Steve’s location, checking he’s not on his way home. It takes so long that he’s starting to hate the red plaid of the sheets he’s transforming. 

He tacks them up, anyway, tucked back into what Eddie can loosely call a free corner of their bedroom, pressed up to the overflowing dresser. He tries to make it flow nicely, make the flaps he’d cut and sewn overlap just enough to make a hideaway, give them enough space to be entirely pinned back like curtains with the ties he’d sewn on. 

The Christmas lights are harder to pin down. He spirals them through the top of the curtain, liberally using safety pins to keep them in place, stretching the plug past sanity to get it to reach the closest outlet. 

For his final contribution, he rushes out to steal one of the cushions from the side of the couch, pushing it tightly into the small space. Hopefully it takes Wayne a while to notice its absence and come looking for it. 

The effect isn’t pretty. It’s misshapen, and wonky, and Eddie’s just glad the sheets are a dark enough red to hide the blood from his pricked finger. But when he turns off the light and climbs in, the lights are that same comforting white that bathed Steve in the Upside-Down. And they cradle him in their embrace, just the same as Steve’s closet used to when he’d had all his clothes hung neatly within it. 

Eddie’s bedroom isn’t big enough for a closet, but it’s big enough for this. 

Steve threw away his last Harrington key and in the process he’d lost the one bastion of safety he’d had in that house. If what happened on Halloween happens again, where will Steve run to?

He’d carve out a closet for him if he could, but he doesn’t have wood, or spackle, or whatever the hell he’d use to make one. He’d carve one in his heart if could, but Steve won’t be able to squeeze his way in. 

It’s ugly, and cheap, but he hopes it’s enough. He lets the sheet close around him, and settles in to wait for Steve to come home.

Eddie wakes up to Steve’s warm hand brushing his shoulder and gasps, momentarily breathless at the sight of his angel bathed in all that white light. Steve himself looks floored as he looks up at the lights safety-pinned to the roof of the little shapeless structure. 

“What is this?” he asks, reaching his hand out to brush the sheets delicately, as if afraid they’ll shatter.

Eddie pauses, suddenly terrified this is rude, somehow. Like pointing out Steve’s proclivities for small spaces  is a step too far. But then Steve smiles, the lights flickering against the gold in his eyes, and the gold in his hair, painting him with the holy light Eddie always sees in him.

“I don’t have any money,” is the first thing Eddie inexplicably blurts out. But, Steve’s still smiling, so he keeps digging. “So, sorry if it’s shitty. But my room’s not really big enough for a closet?”

Steve’s smiling, bright and angelic as he finally turns and meets Eddie’s eyes. “Did you cut up our warmest sheets to make me a fake closet?.”

Eddie grabs a curl to hide his lips as he nods, abashed when Steve paints what he’s done with such stark lines. “Merry Christmas?” he says, even though Christmas is still weeks away. 

Eddie’s hair gets caught between them when Steve leans in for a kiss. 

Steve spits it out of his mouth, and it lands wetly against Eddie’s own cheek, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care because Steve’s beaming as he says, “I love it,” and leans in to plant another one on him.

It turns out to be just big enough for two.

[watchyourbuck]

Somewhere in Buck’s room rn:

[nobigsecrets]

Fuck It Friday: Eddie and Tommy have a talk

Eddie nods like he understands. It takes a moment before he comes out with the next question. "And did you ever have a girlfriend? Like something long-term?"

"No, not really," Tommy says, "only ever a few months before I broke it off." And that's one thing the Army offered that he's actually still grateful for. Being on duty, getting deployed, it was an easy excuse to get out of anything that came close to being called a relationship. "The longest I've been with a girl was through basic training and a few months after that. Maybe half a year? I couldn't do it, it was—“

Tommy breaks off, looking for a way to explain how stifling it had felt but he doesn't need to bother because Eddie offers, "It was like performing a role and you played it because it was expected of you."

"Yeah!" Tommy agrees, surprised by how precisely Eddie's words hit the mark.

Eddie murmurs something that Tommy doesn't quite catch but that sounds a lot like "go figure" and now Tommy takes a closer look. Eddie looks tired, but he's looked like that ever since Chris left. It's the actual reason why Tommy is sitting on Eddie's couch this late at night. But Eddie also looks anxious. He's worrying at the label on his empty beer bottle with his thumbnail, peeling off the paper in tiny pieces.

Tommy knows Eddie has started therapy. He knows—via Evan—that Eddie thinks it might be helping. But this? Is coming from a different place. It's also clearly running deeper than random curiosity, it's something that Eddie has already put some thought into—and something dawns on Tommy. Is Eddie questioning?

[evanbuckleymylove]

"we need more men who express healthy masculinity and have affectionate friendships" you couldn't even handle Buck and Eddie

[arabella-s-arts]

Okay, since I haven't really shared my thoughts on Buddie here yet. I thought I would share them, not for any particular reason, mostly just so I can get them out of my head. I will also briefly talk about my queer Eddie headcanons.

Okay, let's start with Eddie. Look, I would say that that man is gay, but the way he reacted when he first met Ana was not very homosexual of him. So based on how he acts in canon, I either think he's aromantic bisexual, or homoromantic bisexual (which is rare, but does happen). Personally I'm leaning more toward homoromantic (maybe that's just because I ship him with the hot priest), but I keep aromantic around for funsies.

Anyway, now I'm going to talk about Buddie. I don't ship it. I don't hate the ship, I totally get why people want them together, but I went into the show knowing about Buddie and expecting I would also ship it just for me to not. I tried to ship it, but I never really got into it. When Eddie was first introduced it felt like it could go the romantic way, but then their relationship settled into friendship, and that's all their relationship felt like to me, friendship. I mean, I would joke that they should just kiss already, but not because I actively wanted them together, but because I like drama. I know there are things that aren't typically seen as a friends thing, but a romantic partner thing, that they do. But I kind of loved that Buck and Eddie were doing all these non-traditional things together because they were friends, and that's just how their relationship is. Anyway, I was trying to be in support of Buddie maybe eventually going canon for a while, because I know how much it would mean to other people. But once we were reintroduced to Tommy, all that went flying out the window. Because Buck and Tommy's relationship were giving all the things I felt like I supposed to be feeling about Buddie. I know polyamory is a thing, I think it's great that people ship Buddietommy, but I don't personally have a lot of polyamorous ships, just because I always end up shipping one couple in the trio more than the others, and that doesn't seem fair to the third person. Anyway, I think Buddie got permanently ruined for me after Bucktommy, and especially after how a lot of Buddie fans treated Lou and that relationship. And I know that's not all Buddie fans, I am not judging a whole based on a fraction. I still think Buddie is a good and valid ship, it just isn't for me.

[rogueddie]

aromantic steve who is in denial for a long time bc he cares so deeply for his partners and has been taught that love like that has to be romantic. he's extremely comfortable with the romance / dating parts bc it makes the people he loves happy and doesn't realize that that doesn't mean he's happy.

enter eddie, who doesn't push him or anything, just asks if he'd be more comfortable if eddie called him his partnet instead of boyfriend (steve tells himself that he prefers that bc it makes them sound like a team), and other little things like that, making steve feel safe and comfortable in their relationship.

and when steve is finally ready to accept himself, to talk about it with eddie, he already knows that they'll be ok. that eddie will support him, the way he always has been. he even goes out of his way to find other aromantic people who can help steve in ways he can't.

[unwelcomeoutside]

I am god and I must ask any of you are you gae?

[shadesofdeviant]

Random 9-1-1 Thoughts

Listen, I love Buddie. I've been a Buddie clown since Eddie's very first episode. Buck made a face at Eddie getting dressed, Whatta man played and I went "...well shit" as my fingers took a life of their own and started writing fic.

I also adore BuckTommy, Or TEvan or whatever wierd name we're going with. The chemistry was beautiful, it felt natural and passionate in a way none of Buck's previous relationships have and I am HERE for it.

But if we are going to get Eddie having a sexuality crisis of his own...

Do you know what I'd like to happen? For Eddie to be somewhere on the Ace spectrum. whether sexual or romantic or both.

The man who has only really felt comfortable both romantically and physically with his late wife who was his high school sweetheart.

Who forms strong platonic friendships that to most outsiders might look romantic or flirtatious in nature, but the concept of which never crosses his mind.

Who moves too fast and fails to let that bond develop, or pushes himself into doing what society/family expects of him and then wonders why he ends up having literal panic attacks.

This man says he hates being forced to date, who stresses about performing normally on them. He judges his eligibility with women based on how much time he wants to spend with them, based on the idea of them, how much his kid likes them, not because they're attractive or he feels a connection with them. Who complains that sex complicates things, who gets teased mercilessly by the others for not being good at dating or knowing what to do. Who freaks out at the idea of being set up on dates and then promptly drops said blind date like a hot potato and yet somehow ends up with a new friend.

I'd adore for Buddie to go canon.

I'd adore for BuckTommy to remain canon.

I would go feral for Queer Platonic Buddie (maybe with extra Tommy) where Eddie comes to terms with the fact he's not broken or weird, that he's perfectly fine just the way he is, that he doesn't need to follow societal norms and can get everything he needs from those around him without having to throw himself into something alloromantic/sexual.

I also really feel like I need to write this so...I guess it's on the list haha.

[reallyneedsalife]

i have the urge to write aro!Buck and aroace!Eddie getting their wires crossed about romance.

Taylor says I love you to Buck, Buck freak out about not feeling those magical feelings around the words. Eddie goes "its fine, there's no real difference between platonic I love yous and romantic ones". Hen looks at them like "..guys-"

I'm all for romantic Buddie, but also I adore queerplatonic/platonic Buddie with my whole aromantic heart

[indecisive-dizzy]

Bestie bestie

Regarding your Latter x Eddie ideas, how do you think Eddie would fall for Latter?

This is a toughy, but only bc I don't know how to explain it! Including Frank bc purple and yellow poly <3

Eddie falls in love with Latter the same way he falls in love with Frank, in a way. Of course there's differences, they're different people after all! But what I'm focusing on is: Frank sees Eddie, Latter listens. (not saying Frank doesn't listen to him, trying to be poetic lol)

Latter is genuinely interested in the things Eddie has to say, appreciates and praises how hardworking he is even if he's not there to see it, and encourages his creativity! Even if he's not there in person, Eddie knows Latter cares.

Eddie knows Frank cares through actions. Frank brings him a glass of water, saves him from the beetle, and offers him an umbrella. Frank sees the hard work Latter hears about and acts. While Latter will verbally acknowledge and praise him for it over the phone or in a letter.

Eddie Realizes he's fallen for Latter when he finds himself rereading the suddenly not so subtle love poems and day dreaming. Eddie's not oblivious to love, he knows when he's in love and it hits him like truck! Then like two trucks when he realizes those feelings also apply to Frank!

Latter and Frank fall first, Eddie falls harder twice over <3

Bonus! Pet names Latter calls Eddie <3

My Radiance

Sunshine

My Sweet Summer's Day (very sappy, gets Eddie good)

[murdockbuckley]

aromatic eddie diaz and queerplatonic buddie i believe in you

[nobigsecrets]

(I Don't Believe) It's That Simple

Fandom: 9-1-1 Relationship: Eddie Diaz & Tommy Kinard Rating: T Words: 2,478

But this? Is coming from a different place. It's also clearly running deeper than random curiosity, it's something that Eddie has already put some thought into—and something dawns on Tommy. Is Eddie questioning?

"Hey, Eddie," Tommy says, as softly as he can manage to pull Eddie back out of his head. "Where's this coming from? You think you might be... not straight?"

Or: Eddie and Tommy are having a conversation.

Read on AO3

"So, how did you know?" Eddie asks, apropos of nothing.

Tommy's brow furrows as he's trying to make sense of the question. They're sitting in Eddie's living room, after they'd first played basketball and then watched basketball on TV while eating takeout and having a couple of beers. The game has long since ended though and they've been silently nursing their latest round of beers for the past few minutes. He tries to recall what they were talking about last. A call the 118 had taken a few days ago, he remembers, Evan had had to rappel down a bridge and it had been stupidly risky. But apparently Eddie's thoughts had taken some turns Tommy can't quite follow—

"How did I know what?"

"Buck told me—" Eddie starts, then has to put his words into the right order before he continues. "He said he knew he was bi the moment you kissed him. Like you handed him a puzzle piece and he immediately knew where it was supposed to go." Eddie takes a swig of his beer and turns around so he can better look at Tommy, who's sitting at the other end of the couch. "So I wondered, how did you know?"

"Mmh," Tommy says and then asks back, "how did I know Evan is bi? Or how did I know I'm gay?" It's been too many beers over the course of the evening and he can't quite read if Eddie's sudden interest is sparked out of random curiosity—or something else.

"Oh, uhm," Eddie says, somewhat unintelligible and clearly the beers have left an impact on him, too. "Well, both. I think. What I meant is how did you know you're not straight?"

"I always knew," Tommy readily admits, marveling at how easy it sounds when in reality it had been anything but. So for accuracy he adds, "but for the longest time I pretended that I didn't."

Eddie makes a confused face for a moment. "So you, uh, dated women? Like, before—?”

"Yes, I did hook up with women," Tommy admits and sighs, he's not exactly proud of his past. "It was before I came out to myself. I lied to them and I lied to myself, pretended it was what I wanted even though it never felt right."

Tommy knows it was a shitty thing to do. He now also knows it was driven by self-preservation for the most part and therefore explainable. Not excusable, his mind adds automatically. But his therapist had been adamant about driving that point home, that there were reasons for why he did what he did, that he shouldn't blindly take all the blame for it on himself.

Eddie nods like he understands. It takes a moment before he comes out with the next question. "And did you ever have a girlfriend? Like, something long-term?"

"No, not really," Tommy says, "only ever a few months before I broke it off." And that's one thing the Army offered that he's actually still grateful for. Being on duty, getting deployed, it was an easy excuse to get out of anything that came close to being called a relationship. "The longest I've been with a girl was through basic training and a few months after that. Maybe half a year? I couldn't do it, it was—“

Tommy breaks off, looking for a way to explain how stifling it had felt but he doesn't need to bother because Eddie offers, "It was like performing a role and you played it because it was expected of you."

"Yeah!" Tommy agrees, surprised by how precisely Eddie's words hit the mark.

Eddie murmurs something that Tommy doesn't quite catch but that sounds a lot like "go figure" and now Tommy takes a closer look. Eddie looks tired, but he's looked like that ever since Chris left. It's the actual reason why Tommy is sitting on Eddie's couch this late at night. But Eddie also looks anxious. He's worrying at the label on his empty beer bottle with his thumbnail, peeling off the paper in tiny pieces.

Tommy knows Eddie has started therapy. He knows—via Evan—that Eddie thinks it might be helping. But this? Is coming from a different place. It's also clearly running deeper than random curiosity, it's something that Eddie has already put some thought into—and something dawns on Tommy. Is Eddie questioning?

"Hey, Eddie," Tommy says, as softly as he can manage to pull Eddie back out of his head. "Where's this coming from? You think you might be... not straight?"

Eddie takes a deep breath. He puts the empty bottle on the side table. "I don't know, man," he says, looking over at Tommy before running both hands over his face. When he looks back up, he seems more determined.

"I did a full Buck the other day," he says and a small, affectionate grin briefly flashes over his face. "I overheard something Hen said to Buck and I didn't want to butt into their conversation, so I went and looked it up on Wikipedia. And then I read the whole article on bisexuality. And then I found out about all the other sexual identities I didn't even know existed."

Eddie shoots a quick look at Tommy, hesitant and vulnerable. Tommy can clearly see he's heading somewhere, that there's something that’s s been stewing in him, something he needs to get out and Tommy waits him out patiently.

"I read all kinds of stuff, you know, and I read about—" Eddie continues and now he's taking a deep breath, bracing himself for the part that he actually wants to share. "Did you know you can be sexually attracted to someone but not romantically? Or the other way around or not at all?"

"That's—“ Tommy says and wrecks his brain. He can vaguely remember someone explaining this at a meetup of the queer LAFD group he sometimes joins. Split-attraction... something, he thinks. It's not what he'd expected Eddie to say if he's being honest.

"It's got something to do with asexuality, right?" Tommy shifts his position from where he's lounging in the corner of the couch, turning more towards Eddie and scooting a little closer.

Eddie looks relieved that Tommy apparently knows what he's talking about. "Yeah, that," he confirms. "It said on the web that you can be asexual or aromantic or a mix of both—it's a spectrum, evidently."

"And you think you're somewhere on that spectrum?" Tommy asks in a way he hopes is reassuring as much as encouraging.

"Yes. No. I don't know. But man, it kinda makes sense to me." Eddie says and the way he's torn up about this, the doubt Tommy can hear in his voice, it sounds painfully familiar.

"I mean, I do like having sex. Seeing a beautiful woman, it works for me, you know. But I suck at relationships, it's like... like I said, a performance. Always has, even with—" Eddie stops abruptly, biting his lip. He looks away for a second before he catches himself.

"I once had an actual panic attack over being stuck in a relationship, did Buck ever tell you that?"

"He did not," Tommy says with a small shake of his head. He's got to fight back his curiosity because it sounds like that's a story he'd like to hear about someday. But he sure as hell won't ask for more than what Eddie is willing to share right now.

When he'd picked up things with Evan again after their first failed date, Tommy had promised himself to go slow, to do right by Evan in a way no one had ever done right by him. But then it turned out Evan neither needed to go slow nor to be handled with care and they'd been able to set their pace together. It had been a pleasant surprise after their initial bumpy start.

With Eddie though, Tommy recognizes the same hesitation, the same kind of uncertainty, the same fear of failing to meet other people's expectations—or his own expectations for that matter—that had plagued himself for so many years. He's glad, and honored, that Eddie asked him about it. Tommy thinks that if he'd had someone back then, someone he could've trusted, he might have come to terms with being gay so much earlier. But the first openly queer person he'd ever met, or at least had come into closer contact with had been Hen—and by that point he'd dug himself so deep into the closet that he barely remembered there was a way out. He doesn't want anyone to go through the same pain, not if he can help it—

"How can I be sure that I'm not just confused?" Eddie asks now, taking Tommy's momentary silence as encouragement to go on. "Like, how do I know it’s because I’m... aromantic and not just because I’m crap at relationships? I mean, maybe I'm just a shitty partner.” Eddie stumbles a bit over the word; like it's a pair of pants that's one size too big and doesn't fit quite yet.

"Well first of all, I don't think you'd be a shitty partner because I know for a fact that you're a great and loyal friend," Tommy says and he's glad to get a small—if pretty self-conscious—smile in response. "But to answer your question about how you know—you basically just said it yourself: it makes sense to you. That's all that matters."

"That's all that matters?" Eddie repeats, eyebrows raised and oozing skepticism. "I don't believe it's that simple."

"It really is that simple." It's a fact Tommy's had to learn the hard way but it's something he now believes in one hundred percent. "You are the only who knows how you feel. What works for you, as you put it. No one else can tell you that. So no one else gets to decide. If there's a label that makes sense to you, if you feel comfortable with it, claim it."

Tommy can almost see the gears turning inside Eddie's head as he's thinking things over. He waits him out patiently and reaches for the beer bottle he deposited on the coffee table earlier. Coffee would probably be a better fitted drink for this conversation, he thinks as he takes a drink of the lukewarm beer.

"The idea— well, the possibility of just not wanting a romantic relationship with someone, it... it felt like a relief," Eddie admits. "I don't like going on dates. It feels all staged and, I don't know, fake. Most of the time. I'd rather be hanging as friends, you know. Like with Buck, with you guys." Eddie gestures towards Tommy, apparently wanting him to know he's included. It's sweet.

"But then I think a family is everything I ever wanted. Being married, having kids, the way it's supposed to be. I never pictured my life any other way. And I think of Chris—and it all feels incredibly selfish."

"And did you ever give yourself the time and space to picture your life any other way?" Tommy asks and carefully places his still half-full beer bottle back onto the coffee table, very much aware that his next question is a delicate one. "Chris' mom, she was your high school sweetheart, right?"

Eddie looks up sharply and Tommy is ready to apologize and take a step back, he knows the woman has left a sore mark behind, but then Eddie's face softens and he nods in agreement.

"Shannon," Eddie says. "Yes, she was. And we had Chris when we were 19. We didn't have much of a choice back then. At least it didn't feel like we did."

"Yeah, I can imagine," Tommy says and he means it. He remembers being that age, being pressured into making decisions that will affect your whole life—while being offered no real prospects of a future. "That's why sometimes we adopt what people expect us to do as our own expectations.

"Look, when I was growing up and through my time in the Army, I told myself I couldn't be gay—because I'm not interested in... I don't know, arts or fashion or fancy shit like that. I like typical guy stuff, always have. Engines and sports and fighting. I didn't fit any of the clichés about gay men. So I fell between places. I wasn't straight in the way people expected me to be and I wasn't gay in the way people expected gay men to be. It took me years to figure that one out. It takes time, Eddie."

"Yes, I guess that's something I need to untangle," Eddie says. "Shannon and I, we fucked up. And then I tried to do right by her by marrying her. Plus it was the only way I knew how to appease to my parents. And I... I always tried to tell myself it was what we would've done anyway. But now I don't think it was what either of us really wanted at the time." He sighs and rubs a hand over his face and hair, but now the gesture is more thoughtful than anxious. Eventually, a small grin steals itself on Eddie's face, "See? It's not that simple after all."

"Alright, I relent. It can be messy until you get there," Tommy says, glad to see a tiny challenging glint back in Eddie's eyes. "But once you stop lying to yourself, once you stop trying to be who other people want you to be, it really is that simple."

"I'll take your word for it!" Eddie scoots forward on the couch and reaches for his beer bottle, pulling a face at finding it empty. It's a clear signal that he's done talking for now.

"Let me know how it goes," Tommy says and then finishes his own beer in a few gulps.

"You want another one?" Eddie gets up from couch and starts to collect the empty bottles.

"No, I'm good," Tommy says, getting up from the couch, too. "I should get going anyway. It's late." He takes half of the bottles and helps Eddie carry them into the kitchen.

"Yeah, sure." Eddie puts the empty bottles on the counter and motions for Tommy to do the same.

"Tell Buck I said hi. And that I'm sorry for keeping you this long," he says as they're walking back into the living room and towards the front door.

"I'm sure he won't mind." Tommy stops with his hand on the door handle, "but just so you know: I won't tell him what we were talking about. That's your job. If and when you're ready."

"Understood," Eddie agrees and then pulls Tommy into a quick hug, patting his shoulder twice for good measure. "Thanks for listening, man."

"Sure," Tommy says with a smile. "Thanks for trusting me with this."