#eddietommy friendship

[nobigsecrets]

(I Don't Believe) It's That Simple

Fandom: 9-1-1 Relationship: Eddie Diaz & Tommy Kinard Rating: T Words: 2,478

But this? Is coming from a different place. It's also clearly running deeper than random curiosity, it's something that Eddie has already put some thought into—and something dawns on Tommy. Is Eddie questioning?

"Hey, Eddie," Tommy says, as softly as he can manage to pull Eddie back out of his head. "Where's this coming from? You think you might be... not straight?"

Or: Eddie and Tommy are having a conversation.

Read on AO3

"So, how did you know?" Eddie asks, apropos of nothing.

Tommy's brow furrows as he's trying to make sense of the question. They're sitting in Eddie's living room, after they'd first played basketball and then watched basketball on TV while eating takeout and having a couple of beers. The game has long since ended though and they've been silently nursing their latest round of beers for the past few minutes. He tries to recall what they were talking about last. A call the 118 had taken a few days ago, he remembers, Evan had had to rappel down a bridge and it had been stupidly risky. But apparently Eddie's thoughts had taken some turns Tommy can't quite follow—

"How did I know what?"

"Buck told me—" Eddie starts, then has to put his words into the right order before he continues. "He said he knew he was bi the moment you kissed him. Like you handed him a puzzle piece and he immediately knew where it was supposed to go." Eddie takes a swig of his beer and turns around so he can better look at Tommy, who's sitting at the other end of the couch. "So I wondered, how did you know?"

"Mmh," Tommy says and then asks back, "how did I know Evan is bi? Or how did I know I'm gay?" It's been too many beers over the course of the evening and he can't quite read if Eddie's sudden interest is sparked out of random curiosity—or something else.

"Oh, uhm," Eddie says, somewhat unintelligible and clearly the beers have left an impact on him, too. "Well, both. I think. What I meant is how did you know you're not straight?"

"I always knew," Tommy readily admits, marveling at how easy it sounds when in reality it had been anything but. So for accuracy he adds, "but for the longest time I pretended that I didn't."

Eddie makes a confused face for a moment. "So you, uh, dated women? Like, before—?”

"Yes, I did hook up with women," Tommy admits and sighs, he's not exactly proud of his past. "It was before I came out to myself. I lied to them and I lied to myself, pretended it was what I wanted even though it never felt right."

Tommy knows it was a shitty thing to do. He now also knows it was driven by self-preservation for the most part and therefore explainable. Not excusable, his mind adds automatically. But his therapist had been adamant about driving that point home, that there were reasons for why he did what he did, that he shouldn't blindly take all the blame for it on himself.

Eddie nods like he understands. It takes a moment before he comes out with the next question. "And did you ever have a girlfriend? Like, something long-term?"

"No, not really," Tommy says, "only ever a few months before I broke it off." And that's one thing the Army offered that he's actually still grateful for. Being on duty, getting deployed, it was an easy excuse to get out of anything that came close to being called a relationship. "The longest I've been with a girl was through basic training and a few months after that. Maybe half a year? I couldn't do it, it was—“

Tommy breaks off, looking for a way to explain how stifling it had felt but he doesn't need to bother because Eddie offers, "It was like performing a role and you played it because it was expected of you."

"Yeah!" Tommy agrees, surprised by how precisely Eddie's words hit the mark.

Eddie murmurs something that Tommy doesn't quite catch but that sounds a lot like "go figure" and now Tommy takes a closer look. Eddie looks tired, but he's looked like that ever since Chris left. It's the actual reason why Tommy is sitting on Eddie's couch this late at night. But Eddie also looks anxious. He's worrying at the label on his empty beer bottle with his thumbnail, peeling off the paper in tiny pieces.

Tommy knows Eddie has started therapy. He knows—via Evan—that Eddie thinks it might be helping. But this? Is coming from a different place. It's also clearly running deeper than random curiosity, it's something that Eddie has already put some thought into—and something dawns on Tommy. Is Eddie questioning?

"Hey, Eddie," Tommy says, as softly as he can manage to pull Eddie back out of his head. "Where's this coming from? You think you might be... not straight?"

Eddie takes a deep breath. He puts the empty bottle on the side table. "I don't know, man," he says, looking over at Tommy before running both hands over his face. When he looks back up, he seems more determined.

"I did a full Buck the other day," he says and a small, affectionate grin briefly flashes over his face. "I overheard something Hen said to Buck and I didn't want to butt into their conversation, so I went and looked it up on Wikipedia. And then I read the whole article on bisexuality. And then I found out about all the other sexual identities I didn't even know existed."

Eddie shoots a quick look at Tommy, hesitant and vulnerable. Tommy can clearly see he's heading somewhere, that there's something that’s s been stewing in him, something he needs to get out and Tommy waits him out patiently.

"I read all kinds of stuff, you know, and I read about—" Eddie continues and now he's taking a deep breath, bracing himself for the part that he actually wants to share. "Did you know you can be sexually attracted to someone but not romantically? Or the other way around or not at all?"

"That's—“ Tommy says and wrecks his brain. He can vaguely remember someone explaining this at a meetup of the queer LAFD group he sometimes joins. Split-attraction... something, he thinks. It's not what he'd expected Eddie to say if he's being honest.

"It's got something to do with asexuality, right?" Tommy shifts his position from where he's lounging in the corner of the couch, turning more towards Eddie and scooting a little closer.

Eddie looks relieved that Tommy apparently knows what he's talking about. "Yeah, that," he confirms. "It said on the web that you can be asexual or aromantic or a mix of both—it's a spectrum, evidently."

"And you think you're somewhere on that spectrum?" Tommy asks in a way he hopes is reassuring as much as encouraging.

"Yes. No. I don't know. But man, it kinda makes sense to me." Eddie says and the way he's torn up about this, the doubt Tommy can hear in his voice, it sounds painfully familiar.

"I mean, I do like having sex. Seeing a beautiful woman, it works for me, you know. But I suck at relationships, it's like... like I said, a performance. Always has, even with—" Eddie stops abruptly, biting his lip. He looks away for a second before he catches himself.

"I once had an actual panic attack over being stuck in a relationship, did Buck ever tell you that?"

"He did not," Tommy says with a small shake of his head. He's got to fight back his curiosity because it sounds like that's a story he'd like to hear about someday. But he sure as hell won't ask for more than what Eddie is willing to share right now.

When he'd picked up things with Evan again after their first failed date, Tommy had promised himself to go slow, to do right by Evan in a way no one had ever done right by him. But then it turned out Evan neither needed to go slow nor to be handled with care and they'd been able to set their pace together. It had been a pleasant surprise after their initial bumpy start.

With Eddie though, Tommy recognizes the same hesitation, the same kind of uncertainty, the same fear of failing to meet other people's expectations—or his own expectations for that matter—that had plagued himself for so many years. He's glad, and honored, that Eddie asked him about it. Tommy thinks that if he'd had someone back then, someone he could've trusted, he might have come to terms with being gay so much earlier. But the first openly queer person he'd ever met, or at least had come into closer contact with had been Hen—and by that point he'd dug himself so deep into the closet that he barely remembered there was a way out. He doesn't want anyone to go through the same pain, not if he can help it—

"How can I be sure that I'm not just confused?" Eddie asks now, taking Tommy's momentary silence as encouragement to go on. "Like, how do I know it’s because I’m... aromantic and not just because I’m crap at relationships? I mean, maybe I'm just a shitty partner.” Eddie stumbles a bit over the word; like it's a pair of pants that's one size too big and doesn't fit quite yet.

"Well first of all, I don't think you'd be a shitty partner because I know for a fact that you're a great and loyal friend," Tommy says and he's glad to get a small—if pretty self-conscious—smile in response. "But to answer your question about how you know—you basically just said it yourself: it makes sense to you. That's all that matters."

"That's all that matters?" Eddie repeats, eyebrows raised and oozing skepticism. "I don't believe it's that simple."

"It really is that simple." It's a fact Tommy's had to learn the hard way but it's something he now believes in one hundred percent. "You are the only who knows how you feel. What works for you, as you put it. No one else can tell you that. So no one else gets to decide. If there's a label that makes sense to you, if you feel comfortable with it, claim it."

Tommy can almost see the gears turning inside Eddie's head as he's thinking things over. He waits him out patiently and reaches for the beer bottle he deposited on the coffee table earlier. Coffee would probably be a better fitted drink for this conversation, he thinks as he takes a drink of the lukewarm beer.

"The idea— well, the possibility of just not wanting a romantic relationship with someone, it... it felt like a relief," Eddie admits. "I don't like going on dates. It feels all staged and, I don't know, fake. Most of the time. I'd rather be hanging as friends, you know. Like with Buck, with you guys." Eddie gestures towards Tommy, apparently wanting him to know he's included. It's sweet.

"But then I think a family is everything I ever wanted. Being married, having kids, the way it's supposed to be. I never pictured my life any other way. And I think of Chris—and it all feels incredibly selfish."

"And did you ever give yourself the time and space to picture your life any other way?" Tommy asks and carefully places his still half-full beer bottle back onto the coffee table, very much aware that his next question is a delicate one. "Chris' mom, she was your high school sweetheart, right?"

Eddie looks up sharply and Tommy is ready to apologize and take a step back, he knows the woman has left a sore mark behind, but then Eddie's face softens and he nods in agreement.

"Shannon," Eddie says. "Yes, she was. And we had Chris when we were 19. We didn't have much of a choice back then. At least it didn't feel like we did."

"Yeah, I can imagine," Tommy says and he means it. He remembers being that age, being pressured into making decisions that will affect your whole life—while being offered no real prospects of a future. "That's why sometimes we adopt what people expect us to do as our own expectations.

"Look, when I was growing up and through my time in the Army, I told myself I couldn't be gay—because I'm not interested in... I don't know, arts or fashion or fancy shit like that. I like typical guy stuff, always have. Engines and sports and fighting. I didn't fit any of the clichés about gay men. So I fell between places. I wasn't straight in the way people expected me to be and I wasn't gay in the way people expected gay men to be. It took me years to figure that one out. It takes time, Eddie."

"Yes, I guess that's something I need to untangle," Eddie says. "Shannon and I, we fucked up. And then I tried to do right by her by marrying her. Plus it was the only way I knew how to appease to my parents. And I... I always tried to tell myself it was what we would've done anyway. But now I don't think it was what either of us really wanted at the time." He sighs and rubs a hand over his face and hair, but now the gesture is more thoughtful than anxious. Eventually, a small grin steals itself on Eddie's face, "See? It's not that simple after all."

"Alright, I relent. It can be messy until you get there," Tommy says, glad to see a tiny challenging glint back in Eddie's eyes. "But once you stop lying to yourself, once you stop trying to be who other people want you to be, it really is that simple."

"I'll take your word for it!" Eddie scoots forward on the couch and reaches for his beer bottle, pulling a face at finding it empty. It's a clear signal that he's done talking for now.

"Let me know how it goes," Tommy says and then finishes his own beer in a few gulps.

"You want another one?" Eddie gets up from couch and starts to collect the empty bottles.

"No, I'm good," Tommy says, getting up from the couch, too. "I should get going anyway. It's late." He takes half of the bottles and helps Eddie carry them into the kitchen.

"Yeah, sure." Eddie puts the empty bottles on the counter and motions for Tommy to do the same.

"Tell Buck I said hi. And that I'm sorry for keeping you this long," he says as they're walking back into the living room and towards the front door.

"I'm sure he won't mind." Tommy stops with his hand on the door handle, "but just so you know: I won't tell him what we were talking about. That's your job. If and when you're ready."

"Understood," Eddie agrees and then pulls Tommy into a quick hug, patting his shoulder twice for good measure. "Thanks for listening, man."

"Sure," Tommy says with a smile. "Thanks for trusting me with this."

[tommystummy]

Tommy rushing to the scene of a Hurt Buck would also serve severely especially if Eddie has to be the one that says “Buck needs us to hold it together ok?” But Tommy is openly sobbing because he’s never cared about anyone the way he does for Buck and Eddie’s like “ok fine let’s go see him.”

[iamnotaguestinthishouse]

someone write me that eddietommy first meeting in the army au then lose track of each other but assume the worst then meet again in an lafd hanger to go rescue Bathena which leads into BUDDIETOMMY FEELINGS GALORE

[mysterious-shelf]

all this new content and speculation and discourse has distracted me from equally important matters, namely the (platonic) eddietommy of it all … because the potential there is for their relationship this season??? so many possibilities and i’d eat up every one of them

eddietommy bonding over all things buck

eddietommy butting heads over who gets to spend time with buck

alternatively, eddietommy being sympathetic towards each other regarding buck time — tommy insists eddie spends more time with buck while eddie swears he’s fine (he’s not)

eddietommy, in the midst of the buck time drama, confessing that they miss hanging out with each other just as much; tommy was eddie’s friend first, after all!

this post because eddietommy should be able to exist independent of buck

tommy desperately trying to keep eddie from going down the same path he did 20 years ago and turning into a gerrard minion (this scenario has had me frothing at the mouth since the s7 finale. like you don’t understand i need tommy to beg)

veering into fic territory with this one, but tommy reassuring eddie that he is a good dad. bonus if he uses his own shitty dad as a contrast. bonus bonus if he’s angsty about it “do you even understand how lucky christopher is to have a dad who loves him like you do?”

(now this is very much fic territory but i want the last two points to be combined and turned into a dramatic scene where they’re both yelling at each other but they’re not really fighting and they both just break down in front of each other because big men being sad is like crack to me)

eddietommy performing michaelbobby-level shenanigans

eddietommy bonding over their army experiences

this fucking post about eddie’s potential reaction to tommy’s helicopter crashing

eddie just having someone else who he can bro out with and also be vulnerable with. 7x04 sets thier friendship up as one that’s so unique and intriguing and if it isn’t explored in s8 i will be pressing charges

[exhuastedpigeon]

Writing Patterns

rules: share the first line of your last ten published works or as many as you are able and see if there are any patterns!

Tagged by @rainbow-nerdss @thekristen999 @dangerpronebuddie

baby, get me off again (Lutalia) Natalia’s night was not going according to plan.

loves a game, wanna play? (Buddie) It wasn’t until they were at the airport, bags packed for an indeterminate amount of time that it hit Eddie - his kid is spending the summer with his parents because of his massive mistake and he’s going to Fiji to be on a reality dating show because Buck convinced him they should apply “as a joke”. 

so far away but still so near (Buddie, Eddie & Ravi & Lucy friendship) For the last thirteen years Eddie Diaz has lived almost every single day for his son.

I'll Show You Magic (Buddie) Buck hates Lucy a little bit right now. It's her fault he's in some random alley looking for a magic shop he's never been to before - a shop that’s apparently owned by a very powerful witch.

keep on whispering in my ear (Buddie) “Hey Buck,” Eddie is well on his way to being drunk when he speaks. He might actually already be there, if he’s being honest with himself. He’s definitely not not drunk, If the way he can’t seem to keep the words in his mouth is any indication.

wipe your mouth when you done (Buddie) Buck’s favorite part about hockey, besides well, hockey, had always been the sense of brotherhood, of team, of family that he'd felt on every team - and that was doubly true with the Kings.

give your heart and soul to charity (Buddie) The universe doesn’t scream, that’s one of Eddie’s most tightly held beliefs. But, he’s willing to admit that it might, occasionally, give a gentle nudge in a certain direction.

kiss him once for me (Buddie) Eddie was perfectly happy and accepting about Buck’s sexuality when Buck came out to him. In fact, he liked to think he was the ideal picture of a best friend when Buck had told him.

ain't no lie (bi bi bi) (EddieTommy, Buddie) Eddie broke up with Marisol three days after they rescued Bobby and Athena off a sinking cruise ship.

I want to be your fantasy (maybe you could be mine) (Buddie) “Let me get this straight,” Eddie asked, voice as deadpan as Buck had ever heard it. “Chimney wants a classic bachelor party, but he doesn’t want to go to Vegas and he doesn’t want to go to a strip club and he thinks we’re too old to go to a regular club.”

No pressure tagging @inell @rosieposiepuddingnpie @cal-daisies-and-briars @queerdiazs @spagheddiediaz

@jeeyuns @buckera @watchyourbuck @elvensorceress @eddiebabygirldiaz

@rainbow-nerdss @devirnis @dangerpronebuddie @daffi-990 @monsterrae1

@lonelychicago @loveyouanyway @diazsdimples @diazheartsbuckley @thewolvesof1998

@tizniz @honestlydarkprincess @bucks-daddy-issues @shitouttabuck @glorious-spoon

[eddiegettingshot]

an anon brought this up a few hours ago but the idea that the eddie tommy friendship was over exaggerated bc bucks an unreliable narrator makes sense bc eddie was acting a little unhinged LOL like ryan turned it up to an 11 and it feels a weeee bit out of character for him to be that cookoo with someone he just met… it makes sense that buck is like 😡😡😡😡😡😡 over eddie being like 🙂 with another friend. i just keep thinking about the phone scene and how eddie looked like he was gonna start crying from laughing so hard. idk it’s a really intriguing idea bc buck is truly crazy! then we see eddie be all cookoo with buck in 7x06 and THAT makes sense 😌 like eddie is just having a silly time with his best buddy in the whole world

here’s the thing… maybe i’m a biased clown… but i think it’s so funny that 7x04 actually sort of did make eddietommy’s friendship (from buck’s pov) look like a relationship… like eddie literally being giddy and giggling on the phone… asking buck to babysit while he and tommy went out… buck specifically bringing up half-naked men wrt eddietommy’s activities… which. like. not only would that say something about tommy but it would say something about EDDIE that buck was able to see their relationship that way 😭 idk i just think it’s funny

[3x15eddie]

so excited for the inexplicable eddietommy friendship fallout in s8

[heauxplesslydevoted]

Your bff jokingly says he’s gonna take you to Vegas to gamble with your newly acquired math skills, but he actually does go to Vegas with someone else. This EddieTommy friendship might be Buck’s 13th reason 😭

[buddiekinard]

i think my ideal endgame might actually be queerplatonic relationship buddie-bucktommy and an eddietommy friendship with the potential for me/us to read more into it as we will idk

[3x15eddie]

eddietommy friendship fallout YIPPIE!!! I just know were gonna get bitchy eddie back and I can't wait!!

yay!!!!!