thelaughablelifeoflilly

[thelaughablelifeoflilly]

Loan a Laugh to Lilly!

To preface this blog post, I have to tell you that my personality is very boisterous, animated, eccentric, and, frankly, quite ostentatious. I am 100% myself at all times, regardless of who I'm communicating with. The story I'm going to tell, in particular, isn't for the faint-hearted or really anyone who doesn't enjoy crude content. Personally, I enjoy dark humor and tend to spend most days scrolling through Reddit (#iykyk). For anyone reading this, no matter what hardships you're going through in life, always remember to have a laugh and cherish the laughable moments with the people who laugh with you.

Before we get into the nitty-gritty, I'll give a little backstory for this period of my life. 2022 was an INSANE and TRAGIC year for me. At the beginning of 2022, my grandma passed away (she was 96), my sister (we'll call her "The Colonel") kicked me out of her house (that broke our relationship for a while), and about a month after moving back home, my dad was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer metastasis to brain, spine, and ribs (May 2022). I was working at Target at the time in the style section and, initially, was enjoying my work. I felt like it gave me an outlet to get away from everything that was happening in my life, but evidently, the managers' requests became too demanding for my mental health. I mean, I was dealing with a physical death, the death of a sisterly bond, and the thought/possibility of my dad dying, and you expect me to have the energy to do four people's tasks by myself? NOT TO MENTION: my cat also died in December of 2021, my sister's dad (I considered him a fatherly figure) died in June of 2022, my best friend's wedding was coming up in August, and in September, my friend Mikey (who was in the wedding) passed away. You can't spell stress without S-T-R-E-S-S.

With me being overly stressed and mentally and physically exhausted from watching my dad die in front of me, I chose not to eat, and when I did eat, it wasn't a balanced meal (microwaved mac and cheese got me through life). The lack of nutrition and the amount of stress did damage to my body internally. TRIGGER WARNING: I found myself constantly having the "spooky dookies." I would use the restroom at Target anywhere from 5-10 times a shift. Sometimes I would be so dehydrated from shitting, that I would have to sit down because I would get dizzy. One day, I was working, and, like normal, I went to the restroom. I wiped and noticed there was a weird red substance on the toilet paper. Me being me (not afraid to look at my poop), I looked in the toilet and saw that there was blood intertwined in one of the logs. My immediate thought was, "I'm gonna die," so I told my boss and left to go to the emergency room.

My sister (we'll call this one "Crazy Boots") took me to the ER. I didn't quite know what to expect because I never had issues with my GI tract before. WELL, LEMME TELL YOU, THIS WAS NOT ON MY 2022 BINGO CARD. I go into the room, and the nurse gives me a gown and tells me to take off my pants and underwear, and that the doctor will be in shortly. I was thinking, "Yeah, they're probably just going to take a quick look at my butthole, nothing major." BOY, WAS I SO, SO, SO WRONG. The doctor came in, Crazy Boots was in the room with me, and I had my first-ever IV inserted into my arm (it was traumatizing, by the way. I cried). After the IV was put in and fluids were pumping into my body, the doctor told me to turn on my side. I turned, and she told me to cough. Cool. Normal. BUT THEN, she took her giant knuckle, told me to breathe in, and JAMMED IT INTO MY BUTTHOLE, PULLING IT OUT JUST AS FAST AS SHE PUT IT IN. When I tell you that I thought my whole rectum fell out, I mean it. Her finger was PUDGY.

After the doctor forcefully got her sample, she left the room, and Crazy Boots and I LOST IT. We laughed to the point that I almost Hershey-squirted on the hospital table. And me being me, again, documented most of the process on Snapchat. I have this long-lasting joke that includes the song "Only Time" by Enya. Anytime anything bad or detrimental happens, I play that song. You'll see the reference in one of the images. But yeah, regardless of how horrible my life was at the time, this experience was something laughable that helped carry me through the final days of my dad's life. If whoever is reading this is also going through a tough period, I hope this made you laugh. I want you to remember that life is short, and even one moment of genuine laughter can get you through a rough patch.