#are you still yourself? were you ever?
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What a blessing to meet someone like you With eyes as dead as mine, it's fine It's normal people things just to lie here in silence
Fanart of Changeling Timmy from @cubbihue's AU, please check it out if you haven't seen it already!
#are you still yourself? were you ever?#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop timmy#timmy turner#fop wanda#fop cosmo#fop peri#itty bitties#art#digital art#fanart#why is water so difficult to draw#I really like ur au#I refresh your blog a concerning number of times per day
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Detectives at the Disco (Elysium)
#disco elysium#kim kitsuragi#harry du bois#âHail holy queen of the sea -- You're whirling in rags -- You're vast and you're sad.â#I have been taken back by the disco fever and I wanted to draw these guys now that I can...y'know...draw.#I owe a lot to DE honestly.#If it were not for yagrandmapeach's daily disco elysium comics this blog would have never existed.#The idea that I could do lighthearted daily doodles made art feel possible and approachable. That fun was most important!#I was so inspired by their fun style and goofs! I loved the pen on paper look and their stylizations!#I'm still really inspired by them to this day! Peach if you're out there (unlikely)...Thank you for all the art you have shared.#To those who are considering giving DE a try: please be aware of it's many content warnings.#It is dark but also so extremely full of hope and love!!!#it's a murder mystery where you think you're supposed to be finding the culprit but you end up finding....yourself.#Also it has Kim Kitsuragi. The best companion you will ever have in a video game.#And it lets you dress up a stinky old man in whatever clothes he finds lying around. It's great.
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back on the topic of eddie brock never being the first choice. crazy to me to think about the origin of the venom symbol which is that the symbiote Was With Spiderman First. the venom symbol is a slightly creepier version of the spiderman symbol with an extra bend in the legs cause it's the symbiote's best approximation of what it thought spiderman wanted. and when spiderman rejects the symbiote and venom shows up it's still the same suit just on a different person. the symbiote learned emotions from peter parker and it is angry and hurt at not being wanted but it stays in the form it thought he wanted... peter parker disarms eddie brock once by telling the symbiote that he wants it back and attacking once the symbiote starts to leave... eddie has such a hard time throughout the comics with the fact that the symbiote Will Leave Him if prompted by the right person. and be so honest. what would you do if you were eddie brock and no matter where you went or what you did there was a symbol that you were somebody else's second choice emblazoned across your chest
#drives me crazy actually#this thing completes you it is everything to you...#the most important thing!!! the thing that makes you whole!!!!!!#and sure it may love you but you were only ever a convenience. never the person it would Choose.#thank you venom: first host for being a beautiful world where the symbiote says it will NOT go back with a previous host#cause it chose eddie. cause he's a good man. cause it's trying to raise its fucking kid with him kdfgjhsd.#EVERYWHERE else...#the symbiote is still in love with peter parker. he calls it back and back it goes.#flash thompson calls out and the symbiote desperately reaches toward him calling out his name. trying to go back.#and again and again where is eddie brock... secondary...#not even the first decision to begin with. maybe it was fate that you were in the right place at the right time#but maybe you were just in that church. about to kill yourself. and you Happened to hate the right person.#you and the symbiote complete each other and you have similar goals but even then it was all about peter parker anyway...#insane. insane. insane.#anyway. hhhhhhhhhh#venomposting#venom#i am a symbrock truther i think the symbiote WOULD choose him. but the comic writers hate me and hate love
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THE EX-MORNING SERIES CONCEPT
By now I think many people have heard that KristSingtoâs upcoming series is an original script that was written for them. What we also have confirmed is that it was written about them.
[source]
KRIST: This series was written by P'Backaof and directed by P'Lit where they created this script from the start deliberately for the two of us and they got information for the characters etc. from KristSingto directly. In the series, the name for P'Sing is Tamtawan, and my name is Phatapi. And Tamtawan Tamtawan and Phatapi are KristSingto themselves.
INTERVIEWER: Does that mean you play yourself?
KRIST: [laughing] Yes, we act as ourselves, so it's not difficult at all.
Today, Aof elaborated on his part on Twitter:
[source: @backaof]
[translation: @_beinglistener]
And Jojo added:
[source: @jojotichakorn]
[translation: @_beinglistener]
So, two gay men are the leading creative minds behind KristSingtoâs comeback series. Time to study up on your KristSingto history, kids. \:D/
Long live sanctioned RPF. đ
#krist perawat#singto prachaya#kristsingto#the ex morning#iâve already seen the same tired âguess rent was dueâ about krist and#i see on twitter when people link my thread about krist to people still insisting heâs homophobic#manâs rich#he works constantly#he even said itâs something he regrets now that his grandmother who raised him passed away#he worked so much he didnât have as much time for his familyâwho he helps support#he is quite literally considered bl royalty#he has more queer people in his circle than straight#waa (gay) is his mentor#aof (gay) wrote this series and jojo (gay) thought up the concept so even professionally he's supported by queer people#you donât have to like him#and you donât have to admit to sending death threats to a stranger who doesnât speak your language based on rumors you didnât verify#just yâknow#admit quietly to yourself alone in your head that you were wrong and you caused harm to a person who didnât deserve it#plenty of actors use bl as a stepping stone to bigger jobs#heâs not one of them#he wanted to do bl for years but gmmtv told him he could only work with singto#so literally the only reason kit didnât do bl until BMF was scheduling issues because singto wanted to study abroad#and singto couldnât get a fixed date for it and then the pandemic messed with his plans even more#iâm glad to see more and more people are understanding who krist is recently#and even in the series they made pathapiâs controversy an impulsive act of anger#krist has said he used to struggle with being hotheaded#and one of his apologies for the igs was even something like âi acted without thinking of how it would look out of contextâ#he just wanted people to stop harassing him for his sexuality but the context isnât in the igs#anyway my go-to when iâm too tired to talk about this is always this#if he had ever been homophobic thai people would be the ones leading the charge against himâŚbut itâs interfans
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I am honestly partial to the idea of Darth Plagueis' being Qimir's Sith Masterâalthough I could understand that had it been confirmed in an interview instead of revealed in the show itself, that could be disappointingâIt doesn't worsen, or better Qimir's chance of survival. Plagueis is going to crash in on their [ Osha and Qimir ] party either way, seeing as they are all on the same planet, and he has interest in the concept of life created by the Force.
Qimir is evidently a practitioner of Darth Bane's teachings, even if loosely so, seeing he recites the Sith code to Mae. He lives beneath a cortosis mine in an unknown planet, which I could only assume is a callback/reference to Darth Tenebrous' ( Plagueis' master ) who owned a claim of cortosis in a planet named Bal'demnic in the EU. Plagueis having a former apprentice before Palpatine doesn't ruin anything important either. Nor do I think it contradicts any of Qimir's unorthodox-sith characterization, or my earlier reading of such.
If Qimir is the apprentice of Plagueis; it would re-contextualize his want for an acolyte somewhat, I suppose. But there is poetry in that in the rejection from the mother, he ran into the teeth of the beast to feel held, and even in that, he didn't find absolution. So naturally, he'll seek another path.
#the acolyte#oshamir#qimir#star wars#meta?#theory#more so#''why is qimir looking for the power of two if he already has plagueis?'' have you ever considered that maybe plagueis' vibes were Rancid?#also that is the way of the sith to take on an acolyte while being an apprentice yourself to try and overthrow your master#but *hand waves* i personally don't think it's that simple#but the idea of this has me thinking of the kylo motif retrospectively#and if it doesn't have anything to do with the knights of ren#which i still think it does because qimir and how he feels for osha isn't cut out for the sith life#but it makes me think the relationship he has with plagueis could possibly parallel the one shared between snoke and ben#which also parallels the relationship between anakin and palpatine#time is a flat circle and you will see your face reflected in many people#anyway when qimir has his throne room moment >>>>>#plagueis doesn't die but.....
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I know I have a habit of always keeping things to myself⌠But why am I still surprised when people donât know what I know?
#This applies to so many things in my life#this is so incredibly unhealthy#toxic even#yet i canât help but keep doing it#and now my friends too#those who said the loudest âyou have to talk to us if we did something youâre not comfortable with so we can come to termsâ#turned out to be bottling the hugest amount of distraught then explode without warning#now everything is in pieces#and thereâs nothing that could be mended anymore#thought we had something special you know#then why⌠why can you sabotage everything so quick and run away so fast#why you do this to us?#what were we to you?#You hurt us all and even yourself with your ego saying we donât have to care about you#but what were we if not friends?#why?#please I canât continue like this#I desperately aware that things will never be the same and I can never see you as the same friend Iâve known for years#but I still refuse to believe this is really happening#itâs like sand#the more I hold it the harder I clenched my hand they would still eventually fall through my fingers gaps#are we not friends?#why? Why you did it?#You said nothing and yet expect everyone to know how you feel and to sympathize with you and your reasons#I mean we could#we totally could if you just let us know just the tiniest hint you know?#so why things turned out this way?#where has the years gone?#will I ever stop grieving the past if things keep turning out like this?#what does the future hold anyway and whereâs my motivation to grasp it?
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This is such a tangent btw but on the topic of guilt tripping and reblogs... I remember a few years back there were some terrible fires in Greece (and again this year, entire island villages are gone now) and at that time I had family who were caught in them. I can't describe the desperation I felt with these horrible things happening to my family and loved ones in my country. And I remember being frustrated and desperate with how no one around me in America really seemed to give a shit. I remember blogging asking people to PLEASE care please share something please reblog this link for mutual aid please think about the stories and fires etc etc etc. And the thing is I was very much in a state of grief myself, maybe not every word or action was perfectly reasonable, because I don't realistically expect everyone everywhere to care about every tragedy in the world. You can't. Emotionally it's just not possible, especially with all the stuff going on in the states rn too. Yeah it's a lot. It's not like I blog about every tragedy that ever happens either. I understand.
HOWEVER what I also remember was at this time there were a couple mutuals very clearly making vagueposts along the lines of "remember not everyone has the energy to care about everything in the world uwu" while I was posting about family who died and family who were drifting in the ocean for hours as their homes and loved ones burned. Listen. You have to understand sometimes that when a person in grief and frustration with things going on in their countries and communities impacts them very personally beg you to care... It's coming from a place of needing to see that care in the world in general. They're not holding a gun to your head Specifically saying you have to reblog the posts, if you don't have the energy just ignore it.
You don't have to go out of your way saying "um actually I can't care about the horrible stuff you and your family and your country are experiencing rn. I'm too busy focusing on my own stuff so can you be quiet or more reasonable with your grief thanks." Like. Just keep it to yourself then??? Have some fucking sympathy for other people and understand that maybe it's not always logical. The same way you don't have the emotional energy to think about every tragedy in the world, people who've been impacted by them often don't have the emotional energy to handle that alone and may seek somekinda community or solidarity. Idk. It's not about forcing shit on you sometimes it's not about you
#part of me thinks the 'we don't have time to care about everything all the time' has set us back a bit because it gets used as an excuse#bc most of the time no one is like asking you to become a hardcore advocate for every cause ever they're just saying like#hey reblog this donation post. and like I'm going to be real how much possible emotional energy is that really taking from you#compared to the actual activism the statement was meant for and such. like come on#surely less than complaining about people having the gull to ask you to give a shit right?#you can still have sympathy for multiple things without necessarily devoting a lot of your energy to said things you know?#doesn't mean you have to surround yourself with them to become the perfect most progressive activist or whatever#but you can like. idk. express sympathy or condolences in passing every now and then. like people normally do. idk#instead of being like 'how dare you ask me to care! there's issues in my own country i have to blog about!' are you for fucking real#but yeah enough time has passed that i can think more rationally about this and now know that that was a careless response#exactly the type of people you were afraid of being the representatives of the worlds apathy in your greif etc#but there are also people who do care is the thing#and obviously for the record I'm not mutuals w the former anymore bc like Christ
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art of the duel
#roller coasters#cedar point#maverick#intamin#mine*#still one of the most fun seasons i had with the ride. and no its not because i was the TL for the first half. it was because of 2/4#may 2/4 rest in peace. But 2/6 isnt so bad either. hopefully next years leadership cares about it as much as we did#we were so close to one million :') so damn close. downtime beloathed#(2/4 2/6 are interval numbers. the op manually sends the second train and if you do it right then the photo of the trains like that happens#(it is an art form to master and get comfortable with the ride) (etc)#i could go on forever but i wont here#just know. if you ever thought to yourself at cepo this year#wow! i cant beleive they can do that again!#it was mainly because of me#:')
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I feel like the folks who are like 'yeah but queer has been an actual slur whereas gay and homosexual have not' should maybe learn some queer history.
They were both considered such slurs for such a long time that university papers couldn't use them, because they were too derogatory. They had to say 'men who have sex with other men' because gay and homosexual were too derogatory, too much of a *clears throat* slur if you will, to put them in academic papers as anything other than hate speech.
I beg. Please learn some queer history. No word for us has ever not been a slur against us. We reclaim. We move on.
#personal#queer culture#queer history#like you don't have to use a term for yourself#but there is no 'yeah but this one is an *actual* slur'#the only difference there is what *you* were called vs. other people#and trust me#people got bashed and put to death for their oppressed sexualities and gender/s without the word queer ever being shouted at them#and instead it was the words you choose to use now#and find more 'acceptable'#they've all been slurs at some point#gay is considered a slur by dictionary and wiktionary and wikipedia standards#and is still in the list of LGBT slurs#(homosexual has been removed)#anyway#use the words you want#but know your history too
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Anyone else think short form social media based on algorithms designed to promote topics that create more engagement instead of more joy, the idea of fast fashion but conveyed through social media, and the fact you can monetize suffering and outrage better than ever has largely resulted in the death spiral of media literacy and the mass emergence of bad faith readings?
#I may be venting a lil but god it blows my mind#fyp is a blessing and a curse because i don't think ppl were ever meant to be subjected to this many ppl at once#god i took a bird site hiatus for weeks and now BARELY check it and it already feels like a hit#oughhhhh#even fandom spaces have hugely incorporated marketing and networking into them bc of cmms and sponsorship and building portfolio#which would be fine tbh if it weren't for the way socmed is designed#now it's like you can't support too many ppl or else you're shadow banned or you have to make yourself palatable and marketable#and websites with threads in which people will only read the first post before qrting because ratios are seen as five minutes of fame#features that permit beating an algorithm are locked behind a paywall that promises you money if you go viral#and what goes viral is usually incendiary content meant for those ratios or trends. whether for or against OP#even in hobbyist spaces the climate has changed so much due to the monetization and marketing and just. ugh#not to mention side accounts dedicated to gossip in this new priv account culture like...idk#if you have to make another account so you can make fun of a friend on main with selected priv friends it just doesn't sit well with me#and not every priv account does this but enough do and it makes me tired#unsolicited hate comments are still as bad as they used to be on ff dot net except now people openly are proud of it more#why do most socmed feel like passive aggressive sticky notes on high school lockers#there is so much more I could say about everything that has left me weary about the internet but I don't know the time or place#and I don't want anyone to think this is about them because it's a general statement. though if you are doing the more inflammatory things.#maybe rethink that. it's not good for anyone else and it's not good for you either#I keep coming back online to check on ppl and see art and I *know* it's draining for my health every time#but I feel a lot better now that i use socmed less overall. and that I try to focus on what makes me happy#it just sucks seeing so many people i care about endure absolutely wild struggles bc people online do not care.#I like rambling in my tags because this is the only place I ramble except my personal journal and to my wife
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not to reblog that one jo post but i am special hihi
#also you cant have deep friendships without being hurt sometimes#bc you are still connecting to other people(not yourself)and you will care for each other and need each other differently at times#bc you still live different lives and those thing then affect you differently#and you just won't meet each others needs all of the time#and its that feeling of love and hurt but as long as that hurt isnt like caused on purpose#or on sheer lack of care for you as a person#i dont know#my best friendships were the ones that made me feel all the range of my emotions#and i never regret coming back to them#and that is also why i never regretted (okay lies there was this one time but still mostly) cutting them off if i felt the need#and i dont think they ever regretted coming back to me when i wasnt the perfect friend#(which btw i hate ya novels so much for this bc id see friendships and always be jealous of how good friends some people were#and how they always knew to say the right thing and how i would want to be that kind of friend even tho those were written planned people)#but anyways i was gloating this is my gloating post lol#0 notes to me#this is so silly also pls dont take my friendship experience too seriously like i am not a looking up to person haha
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Listen to me.
You cannot hate yourself into becoming a better you.
#listen iâm all about self-improvement but you canât be your own enemy#youâre worth more than the sum of the things you wish were different#if youâve accomplished absolutely nothing in your life youâre still worth the same#and if your worth is constant then harming yourself can only ever be wrong#yeah iâm still getting pro-eating disorder stuff on my fyp because i reblogged that one post#so iâm still stewing about it. we really failed a whole new generation of kids.
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don't think I'll ever be over how the media completely lambasted jeremy corbyn and misrepresented him in every possible way. the man was saying that the nhs needed to be properly funded and the media was acting like he was sacrificing children. he appealed to young people and this support got treated like a cult or like a hysterical ignorant movement. bc how dare young people not want to be in insane student debt and unable to afford a home. remember when they photoshopped him to look more russian and soviet? absolutely crazy shit but with all that he still won a higher percentage of the vote than starmer
#and starmer got such an easy time of it in the media. and they'll still be like 'corbyn was a failure' lmao.#and liberals will act like youre crazy if you call the media biased. will pure act like youre some conspiracy theorist#i was there i saw and heard the bbc's reporting and it was the least impartial thing i'd ever watched in my life#am reading an article about how the word populist just gets used against anybody the 'elite' doesn't like#and it's true. and it makes it harder to tackle actual fascists and racists like trump and farage bc they get lumped in with people like#sanders and corbyn. and then by this association with populism sanders and corbyn are tainted#as a 16 year old i said to a friend 'i don't get why populism is so bad if its the rule of the people'#and it's a little more complex than that but i saw how the media/establishment was using this word to discredit people w/out having any#actual argument. and i was right.#anyway jeremy corbyn đš best pm the uk never had#like ppl were shocked that there was such a strong base of support for him. and i didn't realise it at the time but i think it was shock#that particular groups were so invested in politics. and that they had the AUDACITY to support anyone who wasn't a centre right liberal#tony blair wrote that populism is a threat to democracy. and like...i would laugh if that didn't piss me off so much#hand yourself into the hague tony and stop lecturing people because they don't support your neoliberal nightmare anymore
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at the end of my fucking rope with "conversations" about k12 chronic absenteeism.
#sorry. work rant#next time you read a headline about it think to yourself. why is it schools' job to get kids to come to school.#why do schools have to bend over backward to cater to kids#kids not wanting to go to school is an extremely common occurrence#the difference now is that the responsibility is being shifted off kids and parents and onto schools#i get that schools can do better i really do#i think there is a shared responsibility#but there is a profound belief across society that school is not important and does not matter#and that needs to be addressed too#i'd say 99% of the examples i hear of systemic school problems are actually just examples of individual bad actors#again. schools have issued that need to be addressed! the public school system has profound inequities!#but when the only problems you point out are 'a kid was mean to my kid' or 'a teacher wasn't as nice as they could be'#you're not interested in changing the system#you're interested in changing your kid's experience#and guess what. demonizing school staff sure isn't going to fix anything#at this point I don't see myself ever going back to teaching#you know who will go into teaching? people who don't give a shit.#and that's not going to help anything either.#you can't attract people who care when people who care are punished and chased out#imagine if instead of constantly bringing up the worst possible examples and insisting they are representative of everyone#the good examples were celebrated and rewarded#same thing happens with the medical profession btw#and again. lots of legitimate examples of harm#(i'm fat ffs i know this)#and also I think it's dangerous to have people delegitimizing medicine to the point that crystals are seen as just as valid as a doctor#sorry. separate rant.#but still. delegitimizing professions that require knowledge skill and training is how we get thousands of unqualified people#homeschooling their kids and treating them with herbs they got from their local Etsy witch
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do you ever think about how will probably wishes he was braver?
that he could tell mike the truth about himself without having to speak in code. that he could stick to his guns when he's been wronged and stand up for himself rather than tucking tail and turning the other cheek. that he could be less shy, less sensitive, less cowardly, and maybe then his loved ones wouldn't forget about him as often as they do.
maybe then they would pick him first, rather than leaving him for last. maybe then they would want to hang out with him and hear what he has to say. maybe then they would treat him like they used to, like he can still take care of himself just like they can, instead of like a fragile little thing that they pick up only when they need him. maybe then they would care about him as much as he cares about them. maybe then he wouldn't doubt that it could all come crashing down once they know who he really is, and always has been, because the rest of him would've been enough.
like, maybe he wishes he didn't freeze or run away so much. maybe he wishes he wasn't so afraid all the time, of every little thing. that he could be brave like mike, el, or his mom. i mean, el's been through so much, too. why can't he be more like her? why does he have to hide behind her? he hides behind her when the monsters come crawling back, and he hides behind her when he can't bring himself to say what he really meansâeven after getting on her case about it.
he spent so much time on that painting. he didn't let anyone see itâit was that special to him. why couldn't he own up to that? there's no monster in the van with him; it's just him and mike and this painting of the party, nothing inherently incriminating or romantic, and stillâhe can't help himself. he retreats back into the shadow, shrinks into himself, and tells lie after lie to the person that he never lies to, that he knows doesn't fucking deserve that, just because he's too scared.
of course he'd feel like a mistake sometimes. of course he'd hate who he is (if That script is to be believed), when he can't even talk to the one person that would understand without lying straight to his face, over and over again, like a fucking hypocrite. of course he'd feel so lost without the person that tells him it's okay to be this way and shows him that there is indeed strength in it. of course he'd hate who he is when he's encouraging someone to be true and speaking about their courage, all while being incapable of taking his own advice, and giving the credit for all of his love and efforts and emotions to someone else.
so many people died to bring him back, so many people died just because he didn't stay dead when maybe he should have, and for what? so that he can continue to hide rather than live his life? so that he can turn into a "worse" version of himself? so that he can live in fear? so that he can continue to ache for a past that he can never return to, while everyone else moves forward and berates him for not doing the same? time stopped in the upside down when will went missing, and he's been stuck there ever since, too. too much has happened for him to move on from. too much has changedâhe's changed. he's too different now, in every way, and the older he gets the more clear it becomes.
of course he'd feel like a mistake. of course he'd hate who he is. he's the common denominator here: in his loneliness and in this war. the boy who came back to life when others didn't. the boy that got possessed and couldn't fight it. the boy that turned into a liar and a coward and must learn to live with it, even if it's at his own expense. the boy that can't let go of the past and whom the past won't let go of either, because even after everything, he's still connected to this great evil that won't let him go. they got it out of him, and yet the tether remains, because of-fucking-course it would.
justâwhy? why him? why can't anything ever go right with him? why is he always the outlier? i think that overwhelming amount of fear, shame, grief, guilt, exhaustion, and loneliness would wear anyone down, let alone a teenager that never asked for any of it and has experiences so unfathomably unique that the only other people that could have possibly understood are literally dead.
#will byers#byler#mine#long post#will#anyway. this is how i always interpreted the i hate WHO i am line especially in conjunction with the word ''mistake'' + being different#within the context of EVERYTHING that's happened to will and continues to happen to him and how unique it is to him in this narrative#bc rly. if you were will.... wouldn't you feel like a mistake? even outside of that outside of the supernatural i'm speaking to my#friends that have ''Something Wrong'' with them. when something happens to you and you're not the same after and you're surrounded#by people who are able to move on and be normalâdon't you ever have those moments where you feel like a mistake? when you're#growing up and still interested in your same old interests but your friends start moving on and then you see that they went back to#those interests in your absenceâdon't you feel like you were the problem then? when people are able to be brave and you can't#find it within yourself to overcome your fearâdon't you hate that feeling? don't you feel that negativity towards yourself when you#know that you SHOULD do something but you can't bring yourself to and it works against yourself? like. everything that has happened#to will E V E R Y T H I N G !!!!!!!!!!!!! can easily make anyone no matter what part of him you relate to the most understand that#u kno wht i mean? anyway. i jus wanted to bring this up bc his life is a fucking tragedy even without the gay stuff n his current pov on th#and the way that That conversation always centers on fear and bravery it's like. obviously being gay is not easy in that era but i don't#think that line is ''i hate being gay'' with no factoring in of the great many things that have happened to him which alienate him further#as well as with how he does want mike to know and his alan turing poster and his talk with jonathan etc etc#his conflict has always centered around how other people treat him and his issue with that bc that's what makes him feel bad#that just because he's different that doesn't mean that he's Different and must be treated as such#he's different and has people that make him feel BETTER for it like look at s2 for example all of those talks abt using what he perceives#as a weakness abt himself as a strength that no one else can bring to the table. and in s3 when he still believed in being a nerd#and never getting girlfriends etc but when it came from mike thts when he called himself stupid n started down this path bc now#there's that sprinkle of doubt. n tht doubt is the scariest thing in the worldâunderstandably so#also. he literally has an evil monster in his brain like bdkfjhsbkdjhfbskj IT'S JUST A LOT.#he is different for many reasons and has even more reasons to hate Who he is the kind of person that he is#jus my take đđ
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#when you feel yourself falling headfirst into a depressive episode bc of all the bad stuff that's been happening in the last months and all#you wanna do is talk to your best friend about it but you can't bc your best friend cut you out of their life bc their new partner told them#that you're a crazy person who's bad for her and convinced them to stop being your friend and your just miss her#and you miss her and you miss her and you miss her and knowing you could be dead right now or could be dead in a month or a year or in 40 or#or 80 years without her even knowing or caring hurts it hurts like someone cut of a part of your limb and when you talk to people you#sometimes still make your inside jokes and no one will understand them and it will hurt again like the first moment she betrayed you and#told you all the bad stuff she know believes of you and then you'll remember this has all happened before and you were a fool for trusting#them again after what had happened the first time but you did and the hurt never stops bc she was your best friend for so long and you two#thought you were soulmates once and you apparently were not and now it hurts still and every time something good or bad or very bad happens#you wanna talk to her and tell her and you wonder how they are doing but he cut you out and told you horrible things and accused you of#terrible stuff that you didn't even understood where it came from and you know you can never be friends again bc you know there's no way#you will ever be able to trust her again but you wonder#you wonder how his life has been going and she's happy and if they're health and whether they think about you too sometimes#and sometimes you're scared for her bc all has been scratchy and you know nothing about what even happend and you suspect he's in an abusive#situation but you don't know bc they blocked you everywhere even duolingo and goodreads and she deleted her tumblr which she didnt last time#and when you were at the hospital every second of every minute of every day your fingers itched to text her about your terrible roommate and#when you were there again they itched to call her bc you were so scared but that will never happen again and now that all the bad stuff has#happened you kno lw you can deal on your own and you're strong enough to do it but it still hurts and will it ever stop?
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