#are they going to make up results when they inevitably don't find anything?

[bb-strawbebe]

god. seeing that the cdc is actually prepping to do a "large-scale study into the potential connection between vaccines and autism" is so.....

[vyva-melinkolya]

we all agree that the push towards short form, vertical video (tiktok/reels/shorts) is ruining fucking everything right? Tiktok has been useful for the dissemination of political information (e.g Gaza) i’ll give it that, but that feels moreso a result of meta and twitters algorithms being just a little *more*’evil and censor happy. And i want to make it very clear that my hatred for tiktok has nothing to do with the fact that it was a product of a Chinese company, because i see a lot of critiques relying on some sort of sinophobic conspiracy. On the contrary, it’s what tiktok has become in the vacuum of western popular culture and marketing that makes me fearful.

I know that every generation faces a new, polarizing technology and inevitably, there are those among said generation who will critique it. That is the nature of things. However, there is also something to be said about how, with the acceleration of technology (running parallel to the acceleration of capitalism, acceleration towards collapse etc), each coming generation faces an increasingly more malevolent “advancement”. TLDR, i’m going to talk my shit.

I’m going to speak on the aspect that is most relavent to me, as a musician. I am petrified by what short form video is doing to music and to musicians. I think that tiktok provides the illusion of making music and being a musician more “accessible” while actually pouring gasoline on the fire that the pop music machine had already started. Standards for what popular culture “expects” from music are being doubled and tripled. Let’s talk about song length. Success and marketability favoring shorter songs is not something new, it has been the trend for decades. But with short form video, it goes even further. You’re not just hearing the same song over and over on the radio, you’re hearing the same 15-30 seconds of the same song over and over again. This in-turn, starts to influence the way people write music, persuading people to make songs that *could* have that 15 second appeal. There is an art to pop music, there is an art to writing a catchy hook—this is something else. We weren’t meant to hear or understand music like that. There are so many songs from reels that i found annoying, until i heard them in their full context. It’s insidious. It makes everything feel like a fucking commercial, even if nothing is being advertised.

I’m going to pull directly from someone else’s experiences, someone who’s music seems to be everywhere on short form videos. The ambient musician My Head Is Empty has a hundred million streams on the song “i was only temporary”. Despite that exposure, they experience “never ending copywrite issues” and have “received death threats” by people who refuse to credit them when using their song. Pulling a quote here, from a comment on their own post

“vyva_melinkolya unfortunately it just gets worse. i saw a bot content page that steals pod cast footage and spams dozens of videos with my song stolen, comment on a "motivation" spam content , who actually made a post telling people the name of my song, and the previous page i mentioned, the pod cast spam commented on that video saying "Bro stop don't give out the sauce. this audio helps me pull numbers brooo" - so people are actively INTENTIONALLY stealing it and telling people to not credit me. like. u can't make this stuff up”

Beyond this, My Head Is Empty feels frustrated that despite all this exposure, the rest of their work (nine albums) as a musician remains under appreciated, and i think that frustration is 100% valid. People cannot fully appreciate music, or even understand it as a work of art created by another human, when it’s taken so far out of its context. Again, the soul being sucked out of art by “the machine” isn’t anything new but, this is a whole other level. Being a musician is more expensive than ever, streaming earns you fractions of a cent etc, it all feeds into itself.

When a song or a musician i love deeply finds its way on to tiktok (let’s use Duster’s “Stars Will Fall”, one of my favorite songs ever as an example)I am not upset that i cant “gatekeep” it anymore. I’m not upset by the idea of something I love and hold dearly finding a larger audience. I AM upset in the manner in which it is being disseminated. I’m upset with art I hold dear to me being chopped up and used as “trending audio”. When I saw Duster in concert recently, lStars Will Fall” was the song I was most looking forward to hearing. It was the last song they played, and it was the song seemly everyone chose to talk loudly over. The audience was mostly people my age and younger. This complaint might come off as petty or pretentious or cliche, i frankly do not give a shit.

Let’s talk about how musicians are expected to promote music on tiktok/reels. This is a matter of opinion, at the risk of sounding very pretentious: the “POV we are x band from x” “My label says i need x followers before x” “posting this video until c musician notices me”. I understand that some of it is in jest but, what the fuck? When did this become the norm? I do not blame anyone for promoting their music like this, but we should want more for ourselves. I’ve always said being a musician is deeply embarassing, inherently. If being a musician is inherently embarassing then what is this? I dont have a solution for this, and the music industry has always been ugly and bloodthirsty and seldom fruitful— but i feel like the very small amount of dignity we had as artists is now lost and I cant fucking stand it. Artists seem to promote the same single with dozens of reels over the course of months, hoping that something sticks. I dont want to sound like i’m shaming or, again, sound like i can provide a solution. I’m just very fucking sorry that it seems like this is “the way”. And personally, i’m scared that if i dont “get with the program”, im going to fail.

Again, all of this speaks to larger trends in entertainment industry and even larger trends in capitalism. But i’m just airing specifics right now because frankly? I cant take it anymore.

[svsssbrainworms]

🍃 SVSSS fic rec list

(shen yuan / bingqiu -centric edition) 2/3

[ shen twins; canon divergence/time travel ]

shen twins

• second-hand alibis

“All right. I’m in Proud Immortal Demon Way," he says, once he's had a chance to compose himself again. He sits back up, tossing his stupidly long hair back over his shoulders where it belongs; he is totally calm and ready to grill the System for more information.  "Who am I supposed to be? "Please please please don't let it be someone who Bingge violently murders. Though given the fact that he's a man in PIDW, his chances are already skewed, and not in his favor. Ugh. [Bound Role: Shen Yuan, Rogue Cultivator. Weapon: the sword Heng Li. Starting B-points: 100.] or: Shen Yuan transmigrates as a rogue cultivator, one completely unconnected to any canon characters or events. Right, System? Right?

• Wherever You Go, I Will Follow (The Scum Villain Early Intervention System)

Something goes a little sideways and Shen Yuan accidentally transmigrates into Proud Immortal Demon Way as a shitty, System-generated self-insert OC. At first, his goals are simple: survive, discover the world, and maybe even become a cultivator! It all seems to be working out alright. That is, until he discovers that there is more to his new identity than he previously thought: Shen Yuan has a twin, and it's none other than the future scum villain, Shen Qingqiu! As such, their fates have been inevitably linked together. The world is a dark place. Will they be able to make it through?

canon divergence 🦋 / time travel 🕰

🦋 • the pale morning sings of forgotten things

Mu Qingfang offers him a small bronze mirror. Shen Qingqiu takes it—evidently there’s no more putting this off. He looks into the mirror. A teenager, his hair and robes askew, his face streaked with blood, stares dully back at him. Ah, he realizes. Beneath the blood, half of it smeared across his face as though he had started to wipe it away at one point, he looks to be in his middling-to-late teens. Probably around seventeen or maybe eighteen— Pain stabs deep in his chest. That’s how old Luo Binghe is.Was. or: at the edge of the Abyss, Shen Qingqiu has a qi deviation. When he wakes, he finds he has lost far more than he can bear--or than he realizes.

🦋 • fuel the embers with the flames of your soul

Trapped in Huan Hua’s Water Prison, Shen Yuan’s illness from his previous life relapses.

🦋 • Sung From the Ashes

Things go decidedly worse in the water prison as everyone underestimates just how much Lao Gongzhu hates Shen Qingqiu. Now Shen Yuan has to figure out how to live in the aftermath of his experiences while Luo Binghe finds more and more ways to self-destruct. They'll meet in the middle someday if Gongyi Xiao has anything to say on the matter.

🦋 • Inappropriate Use May Result in Strange Side Effects 

In PIDW, there was a certain legendary cup which when used to make tea with even a single thread of another’s hair or a drop of their blood switches bodies with the person who drank it. It turns out… if you don’t use it appropriately it’ll either not work at all because it has no target, or will swap you with your soul mate. Too bad Luo Binghe had no idea about that. He was just going to drink tea and somehow he found himself in Shen Qingqiu’s body, staring at his own sword mound. Oh and what the absolute hell is the ringing in his ear?

🦋 • Separate Ways 

There are plenty of skills one can pick up in the Endless Abyss if curious or just desperate enough. The shape changing had been explained as being able to look like other people. This isn’t what happens when Luo Binghe tries it. What happens is that he’s transformed into a tiny dog with masses of curly black fur. When he catches his reflection while transformed, his first thought is, Shizun would definitely want to pet me. (Or, the one where Luo Binghe can turn into a dog, infiltrates Qing Jing, and seeks Shizun's affections through fluffy subterfuge)

🦋 • Dreaming of Gardens in the Desert Sand 

Huan Hua Palace master Luo Binghe never thought there'd be any reason to worry about the master that threw him away all those years ago. Surely, he was safe and cared for by the martial siblings he'd so thoroughly enamored. Luo Binghe was wrong. (Or, the one where the Jinlan City event doesn't happen and Luo Binghe's plan to slowly show he can be a righteous cultivator actually goes as he expected, with consequences he did not)

🕰 • Metagaming

[Self-Saving System Activated! You will be now returned to your original starting position.] Shen Qingqiu dies and gets a second chance and decides to try a different approach.

🦋 • Shen Yuan's Forced Shen Qingqiu Redemption Arc

The System's OOC function won't unlock all at once - instead, character traits have to be added individually, through quests. This leads to Shen Qingqiu having to jump through endless hoops just to complete enough side quests to unlock the ability to be a decent person - all while avoiding the effects it has on those around him. If only the cheapskate System wouldn't keep changing the cost of point values - he needs to know what the hell Yue Qingyuan told the others about him that makes them all look so sad when he does manage to be nice! He's breaking his back here, can't we just appreciate his work?!

🦋 • If You Don't Have Store-Bought Character Growth, Homemade is Fine 

When Shen Qingqiu fails his first mission, he loses the opportunity to unfreeze the OOC function. He has to go through the events of the story in-character as the original goods. He's definitely getting human sticked. Meanwhile, Luo Binghe is getting paranoid that his Shizun has started being nice to him. In a really mean way.

🦋 • In Durance Veil

Right, the villain's beautiful daughter, who had caught a glimpse of the Protagonist from afar and, naturally, fell madly in love at first sight. She'd used her knowledge of her father's lair to sneak into the dungeon where Luo Binghe was being held and eventually proved the key to his escape, betraying her father for love. "So, you want to try to find some random girl who's willing to sneak in past the guards to Luo Binghe's prison and..." "What random girl could we possibly trust? I'll do it myself!" "You know what," Shang Qinghua said. "Somehow I feel like I should have expected this." --- Shen Qingqiu self-detonated at Hua Yue City, but he didn't die. Instead, he wakes up to a world where Cang Qiong is victorious and Luo Binghe has been imprisoned beneath the mountain. What's a poor transmigrator to do? He has to find a way to free the Protagonist before he breaks out and razes the Sect to the ground! Clearly, the best way to do this is to pretend to be one of Luo Binghe's future wives. Clearly.

🦋 • Into the Abyss

In which Shen Yuan pisses the System off and it sends him straight into the Endless Abyss. Four years later, Shen Qingqiu does the same to Luo Binghe.

🦋 • Bamboo Shoot of Resentment

Falling prey to an unusual curse after the Immortal Alliance Conference was the last thing Shen Yuan expected from this dumpster fire of a porn novel. But here the transmigrator is — inflicted with a demonic womb he absolutely did not ask for, and a new burden he didn’t even think was possible. And maybe, Shen Yuan is just a bit tired of it all.

🦋 • He Was Made For Untidy Rooms and Rumpled Beds  

Shen Qingqiu kind of, sort of, does not have the same modesty standards as a xianxia novel set in some form of Ancient China? He also hates the heat, who knew right?

🕰 • Wish Received, Wish Granted!

Luo Binghe aches so raw and violently in a way he hasn’t known since the Endless Abyss, since the scalding heat of tea on his scalp, or the sight of his mother’s tired and motionless form in her bed. Images of that other reality sear themselves into the forefront of his mind, plaguing him even when he shuts and scrubs at his eyes till they hurt. He feels the ghost of Shen Qingqiu’s gentle touch on his skin like a persistent burning sensation, flames of longing licking at the nape of his neck. He wants it. He hates it. He needs it. Or Luo Binghe (aka Bingge), because he’s the protagonist, gets his wish granted the moment he wakes on the cold floor of the woodshed, beaten black and blue, and fourteen again.

🕰 • A Transmigrator and a Time Traveler Walk Into the Bamboo House

Over a year after Shen Qingqiu's death, Luo Binghe consults his servant's servant, concurrently his disgraced martial uncle, for a way to bring the love of his life back. Shang Qinghua sends him in the direction of a certain time-traveling artifact, which supposedly brings one to the day they first met their soulmate. Odd, though, that the artifact ends up missing the destination by just a few years… - A story in which post-Abyss Luo Binghe relives his disciple days, while juggling his secrets, traumas, and some unexpected revelations about the man he loves on top of that.

🦋 • The More You Don't Know

Luo Binghe has it all: the respect of the cultivation world, the home he always wanted, and Shizun's love. There's just one problem: if Shizun ever finds out he's a demon, it's going to ruin everything.

🦋 • grief, hope, and other forms of sickness

After the Immortal Alliance Conference, Shen Qingqiu qi deviates. The deviation itself isn’t bad, but it allows Without-A-Cure to spread far further than it did originally, disabling Shen Qingqiu by a non-insignificant amount. So when Huan Hua calls for Shen Qingqiu’s imprisonment in Jinlan City, Without-A-Cure makes it very clear that Shen Qingqiu can not be held in the Water Prison away from the medical attention he needs these days. Instead, Shen Qingqiu is allowed to return to Qing Jing, provided he takes Luo Binghe back with him.

🦋 • Celestial Afterglow

Shang Qinghua, also known as Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky, stared flatly at what had once been a field boasting near sect-level Feng Shui alignment, and the drowned, bloated remains of the Sun and Moon Dew Flower cuttings that had sprouted within it. Their plan was now quite literally a wash. If only he could consult Cucumber Bro on how to save Cucumber Bro! But in the absence of Cucumber Bro, he could but rely on the one plot coupon the infamous Peerless Cucumber had ever applauded.

🦋 • I Want You To Be Happier

Shen Yuan has amnesia. Good thing his husband is there to take care of him! - Following a failed attempt to detonate his core in order to save Luo Binghe at Huayue City, Shen Qingqiu instead suffers a qi deviation and loses his memory. Luo Binghe, in turn, loses his shit and steals him away for awhile.

🦋 • fall for your reflection (drown in a dream)

“Shh, Shizun, it’s alright,” Luo Bingge says, voice lilting in a singsong manner. Shen Qingqiu can’t look away from his red, red eyes. He blinks, and they aren’t eyes at all, but feathers, perched on a mound of coiled, shifting vines that are dotted with white thorns dyed their own bright red from Shen Qingqiu’s blood. “Go to sleep, Shizun,” the black-and-red bird sings, coaxing. “Go to sleep,” Luo Bingge repeats, as he flickers back into being. or: Shen Qingqiu is attacked by a monster that drops him into a dream of a perfect world--with Luo Binghe featuring front and center.

🦋 •  Medical Diplomacy

Fresh out of the Abyss, Luo Binghe learns that he alone can cure Shen Qingqiu's chronic ailment. With this information in hand, he pursues an alternative strategy involving interspecies diplomacy and a royal alliance. After all, Cang Qiong can't expect a gentleman to dual-cultivate outside of marriage.

[brabblesblog]

In time.

When you and Astarion finally begin sharing one tent, there is one little problem: you needing some me time. Mostly fluff with like some smut?

Aka Astarion catches you during some fun solo time, and it becomes the start of his and your path to sleeping together again.

Read on AO3.

Masterlist.

You've started a habit of attempting to sneak away.

The transition from having your own space, to this, was mostly easy. You did have a fair amount of stuff, and so moving in was a whole day of arguing about where to put your books and whether your various items collected from your adventure was worth keeping or not.

Finally fed up, Astarion had rooted through your pack, finding a pot, a cutting board, and a pair of old shoes, which he had attempted to dispose of. That in itself had resulted in a small argument, in which you tried to say you were keeping these items to sell to Blurg. In the end, you had won, and those items remained nice and safe at the bottom of your pack.

As the days passed, however, cohabiting in one tent became mostly bearable. Mostly.

It only really sucked when you got horny. And being this close to him all the time made it inevitable.

Hence your new habit.

Usually, sneaking off to get your own privacy in a little patch of nowhere was relatively easy. You'd wait for him to go into meditation or sleep (depending on whichever he chose that day), his small soft snores to fill the air, and then you'd slip away to rub out your urges. It never took long. Fifteen minutes and you'd be back, snuggling against him for the rest of the night.

From tonight on, however, was going to be a different matter. As the group traveled closer and closer to Moonrise, Halsin had decided to tighten security around camp, and had decided to assign shifts for everyone to keep guard. Your shift, and Astarion's, wouldn't be until dawn.

You lay in your bedroll, frustrated. You can hear Lae'zel outside, pacing as she stood guard. There was no way you were going to be able to sneak off without her asking, and you would rather die than tell her what you were heading out for.

Astarion lay beside you, eyes closed and breathing softly, his arm draped over you. Shooting his sleeping form an exasperated look, you sigh and give up on the attempt to head out.

However, if you just stayed silent... hm.

You slowly slide a hand down your own torso, down past your hips and between your legs, down to your aching cunt.

You close your eyes and let out a sigh of relief. Much better. Your fingers find your clit, already swollen and begging for release. With two fingers you gently touch yourself, biting back any noise you could potentially make.

Being this close to him while doing this made it all the better. Feeling his arm around your waist, his soft breaths against your nape, the weight of him against your back - it was all so amazing.

With your eyes squeezed shut and your entire being focused between your legs, you don't notice his eyes open in the dark.

"Didn't think you'd be so daring as to do it in here, darling."

His voice snaps you out of your thoughts, and your eyes fly open.

"Shit," you mutter. "Look. I just - I didn't want you to-"

He laughs, and you realize that there isn't anything to worry about. He's just amused, and you realize he's known every single time you've snuck out.

"I know," comes the reply. "Feel free to continue. Far be it from me to come between you and your hunger."

He leans in, and then whispers, "besides. I do like knowing I make you feel like this."

You think about this for a quick moment.

“I don’t want to hurt you, or trigger anything-“

“You won’t,” comes the reply, fast and without hesitation. Instead, the arm on your waist tugs you closer, and he lays his head on your chest.

“Keep going,” he murmurs. “I’ll just be here to keep you company.”

You hesitate for a moment more, and then finally give in and resume touching yourself. As you do, he wraps himself more tightly around you, slowly moving his head upwards to bury his nose against the base of your throat.

He lets out a soft, sleepy sigh, and the sensation of his lips and breath against your skin is a very welcome feeling.

Just his mere presence helps. Your fingers work faster, and you bite back a moan as you feel yourself getting closer. Astarion notices it too; he lifts his head up to watch you, utterly fascinated.

You part your lips, a silent moan on them. You’re right at the edge. Your eyes open, and meet his gaze.

He smiles, a soft, genuine thing, and whispers.

“Come for me, darling.”

And so you do. You whimper involuntarily, and the noise you make is immediately lost as his lips cover yours and he kisses you through your orgasm.

When you finally come down from the high, you open your eyes to see him smirking at you.

“You knew, didn’t you?”

“Every single time, darling. I loved knowing exactly just how I made you feel,” he purrs.

“Twat.” You swat at his hand.

“Since we’ve already established that I do know and am comfortable with this.. current arrangement, do feel free to continue to do so at any time,” Astarion pecks your cheek.

“Besides. I’m sure in time I can join in on the festivities.”

The subtle shift his hips make as he says this tells you all you need to know. But of course you do not push.

In time could mean now, or never, but you don’t really care.

You had everything you’d ever need the moment he agreed to be yours.

Taglist: @elora-the-slutty-songstress @tragedybunny @spacebarbarianweird

[rafeandonlyrafe]

the compound part one

words: 2k

warnings: alien apocalypse au!, violence, reader gets injured, hunger/starvation, mentions of death

part one / part two

you take a deep breath as your eyes focus on the pile of supplies. you know it's bait. you know it's purposely set up near the border of the compound to entice thieves, that someone elses eyes are likely on it right now.

but you have no choice. your stomach growls. you can see canned food. it's been so long since you had something from before. you've resorted to killing wild animals and gathering as much edible berries and plants as you can find, but even those are hard to come by. everything is hard to come by.

you look at the fence separating you. it's chain link, easy enough to climb. there's barbed wire placed on the top, fashioned together with zip ties, but plenty of space for you to fit between.

your eyes adjust as darkness falls, glad your hiding spot is shielding you from most of the wind. now that winter is rolling through the north carolina woods, you need to come up with a new plan. whether it's moving south or finding others to survive with that you trust enough to not kill you for using their resources or leaving you behind as alien bait.

a cloud passes over the moon, sending the world into even further darkness. you don't allow yourself time to second guess, shooting forward as fast as your legs can carry you, praying that your speed makes up for the sound as you scurry over the fence.

you groan when in your haste you cut your leg on the barbed wire, but you have no time to stop and see if the gash is deep.

you make it to the stack of supplies seemingly without notice, but the second your hands touch the box of canned food, a floodlight illuminates the yard of the compound.

“shit.” you allow yourself to mutter a curse word, picking up the small box and tucking it under your arm as you head towards the fence, knowing the other side means safety. 

“stop!” someone shouts from behind as you begin to climb, moving slower now that you have less mobility of one arm.

you let out a scream when someone grabs your leg, you try to kick them away, but then your other foot is grabbed, being pulled down by compound men. you struggle the best you can, even dropping your precious cans of much needed food in hope it hits one of them, but your hands can only hang on for so long before you succumb to their pulling, falling backwards with a thump, head hitting the ground and darkness enveloping you.

--

your head pounds as you try to blink your eyes open before realizing that they're covered by a blindfold. 

what a shitty way to go out, you think to yourself. blindfolded and gagged by compound men. at the end of the world, you don't meet your end in an aliens bite but rather from other humans.

it makes you question if along with the apocalypse people lost their humanity, or if they're just finally able to show their true colors without the expectations of society.

you slowly become more aware of your body. your hands are restricted behind your back to some kind of chair. your fingers reach out to touch the rope and then the chair, sighing when it's cold and smooth. wood you could possibly break, but you have no chance with metal.

your feet aren't restricted. you try to feel around for anything, but the floor around you seems clear.

you consider tipping your chair over, but you have a feeling that would only result in more pain for you.

“you awake?” the question is asked. it's a male voice, of course. it's widely known the compound is almost completely male. only a few rare women have ever been seen behind the fence. you're not sure what their recruitment process is, but you've heard whispers that they bring impressive people in. people that try to steal from them and get caught or defend their stash when the compound men leave on their raids.

you thrash in your seat since you're not able to respond. no use delaying the inevitable. if they're going to kill you, you don't want to wait around for it to happen.

“good.” the voice says, and then all of a sudden the blindfold is tugged off your eyes. it takes you a second to adjust before you can properly look around the room, realizing you're up on a stage, auditorium seats in front of you with a few men in them, all heavily armed.

you realize quickly that the military base the compound men took over must have had some sort of stage for speeches, and that you're now center spotlight.

“she did pretty good.” one of the men in the auditorium hums from the seats as the one who took of your blindfold exits down the stairs to join them. “got to the fence. most people don't even get that far.”

you try to tune out their words, eyes sweeping from some sort of escape, or help. you've learned not to rely on human help after the aliens came, but you might not have any choice.

“yeah, but she got caught.” one man huffs out.

“shit, billy, shut up. we need more women around here.” a new man says, his eyes feeling predatory as he looks over your body, making you press your thighs tightly together. you manage to look to the side to realize there's an armed man on either side of the stage, tucked slightly into the wings, but their dark eyes on you.

“we shouldn't even be arguing.” the man who untied your blindfold says. “wait for him.”

him. the infamous leader of the compound. you've never seen him or even heard his name, but he has a reputation from the bit of gossip you've managed to pick up. cruel. not bloodthirsty or barbaric like some of the men under him, but unflinching in his standards. refusing to give out any sort of help or aid even if a mother is on her knees begging at the fence.

you've heard from some that he doesn't care, you've heard from others that it's because his men come first.

you also know every time the compound men leave on a raid, they're looking for more than just food. someone. someone that the leader lost. presumed dead, just like most of the people after the aliens came, but that doesn't stop him from looking.

your heart breaks for him despite his cruelty. you wonder if it's a son. a daughter. a sister, mother or wife.

you refuse to let your mind turn to the ones you lost. you weren't close with your parents when it happened, but your friends… your boyfriend. you shake your head, willing the thoughts to leave. no use getting emotional right at the end.

you hear footsteps, the men scattered around the first few rows moving to situate themselves, sitting a little straighter, making sure their makeshift uniforms are done properly.

the doors at the back of the auditorium open. you wait for the figure to step out of the darkness, the emerge from the shadow from the mezzanine above.

“untie her. now.” the voice rings out, so familiar it hurts as the men from the wings move quickly to undo your gag. you feel the sudden coolness of a blade against your wrist, but it slashes away at the rope.

the man is moving quicker now, your eyes widening when you realize who he is.

“rafe!” you scream, shooting up from the chair. tears are already streaming down your cheeks as you run, sprint as fast as you can across the stage, rafe also breaking into a run as you take the stairs so fast you're worried you'll fall.

“y/n!” rafe yells out as you reach each other. you're lifted into the air behind him, sobs racking your body as you press your face into his neck, legs wrapping around his hips.

“you're alive!” you can hear the disbelief in rafes voice. 

“i-i thought you were dead rafe.” you whimper into his neck, pressing kisses to his skin between the words. “i came to tanneyhill after they arrived and it was-” you can't finish your sentence. partly because the pain of having to describe what happened to tanneyhill, the home you spent so much time at. but mostly you don't finish because rafe sets you down, moving your head out from his neck to press his lips against yours.

you sigh with relief before kissing back, hands fisting in his uniform, just now realizing how bulky his clothing is, various weapons hanging from them.

“i-i love you so much.” you tell rafe, pressing your fingers against his cheeks, the plains of them still as smooth as you remember. you look into his eyes. it's the same rafe, your rafe, but at the same time he's different. clearly hardened by the apocalypse, aged quicker from the stress.

“i love you.” rafe kisses you again. “i never stopped looking for you.”

you. you're the one. not a son or a sister, but the person the compound men were looking for.

“i-i didn't know you were here.” you wish you saw rafe out on a raid, but just like everyone else in the north carolina woods, you scatter when the compound men leave their base, almost as much of a threat as the aliens are.

“otherwise you wouldn't have stole from me, huh?” rafe smirks, making you giggle. he clearly hasn't lost his sense of humor.

he pulls you close to his chest as he looks to his men. “dismissed. i will be in my chambers. no disturbances unless it's an emergency.”

the men instantly scatter. rafe waits until they all leave before turning to look at you, hands skirting down your body to your wrists. he sighs deeply when he sees the marks from the rope, red and bleeding in some places.

“let me get you cleaned up.” rafe says, and you just nod. it feels surreal to finally be back with him, your boyfriend who you could have sworn was dead. you didn't stay long in the outer banks, not with the limited resources of an island, but you looked every day for rafe to see if he somehow survived the aliens before you fled into the woods.

you feel like your eyes are still glazed over as rafe leads you out of the auditorium, promising you a full tour of the compound later as he moves swiftly down the halls, two men walking in front of him and two men behind him.

you should have known rafe would get himself into some sort of leadership position even after the apocalypse. he might not be the most well versed in combat or shooting, but he can lead and throw commands around like he was born for it.

“this is my- our chambers.” rafe pushes the door open, the four men remaining outside as rafe leads you in. it's surprisingly comfortable inside, suddenly feeling like you're in a home rather than a military base.

“i-i think i may have died when i fell off the fence. there's no way this is real.” you genuinely have to run your hands along your arms, pinching yourself to make sure you aren't dreaming.

“it's real, baby.” rafe sighs with relief as he strips off the weapons, placing them at the table near the door before stripping off his fatigues until he's just in a plain white tshirt and shorts, looking just like the boy you knew before the end came.

as he steps closer, arms wrapping around you and allowing you to relax into his hold, reality comes rushing to you. you try to keep your cries quiet, but in no time sobs are racking your body, rafe lowering you both to the ground as you cry, loud sobs, even interlaced with screams from all the horrors you saw surviving without him. you let it all go, finally safe enough to.

rafe doesn't say anything, just holds you until your cries lessen and you pass out, exhaustion pulling you to sleep.

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[fantastic-nonsense]

hi i love your blog!! especially your wonder woman rec list has been *amazing* and your batman comics guide with the little character spotlights is the best one ive found so far. thanks to your filtering of good/bad comics for all these characters i continued reading comics (after reading battle for the cowl as my first ever dc comic, which was. interresting. to say the least lol). but I have a little question - i couldnt find if you've answered it before already, sorry - which is: how do you read your comics mainly? bc as a college student, i dont have heaps of spare money around, and as an european, i dont have access to that dc online comics thing so if i read digital i have to pirate them. but i understand that comics kind of live-or-die by monthly sales and interrest in a run. and things like the current cass solo and absolute wonder woman seem really interresting and i want those to continue, so i try not to pirate them and wait for the trade releases, but its all very expensive when you start to read a lot of comics. and you have read a tonne of comics, which made me curious - do you buy physical copies, or just use the dc digital thing, or piracy, for your main reading? how do you keep this hobby, like, econnomiccally responsible? because i understand you can just pirate everything, but its not like im *too* broke to buy anything, ever. just wanted to hear your thoughts on how you personally do this, if you wish to share.

(ignore the word vomit, being precise in english is not a talent of mine :D)

Aww, thank you so much! I'm so happy to have helped you and I'm glad you're still here (especially after starting off with BftC)!

I'm going to be real with you for a minute before I actually answer your question: because you are a college student who does not live in the US, the realistic answer for you is to download Ublock Origin (something you should download anyway), open readcomiconline.li, enjoy reading comics, and if you find a comic you like and think is worth shelling out money for, find a way to purchase it legally.

I have an entire spiel on comic book piracy that I will not expound upon at length here but generally boils down to "piracy is rampant in the comics industry because it's the obvious and inevitable result of making legally reading comics expensive, difficult, platform-dependent, and inherently exclusionary while de-prioritizing collected editions, digital sales, and international readers. If any comic company decided to be a competent publisher for even one year, piracy rates would plummet."

If you're still concerned about the ethics of pirating comics after that, allow me to let you in on the worst-kept secret in history: professional comic creatives do it too:

Now, to actually seriously answer your question about how I read comics and keep my hobby financially sustainable: I've been reading and collecting comics for nearly 17 years. The ways in which I have read and collected comics have shifted several times over the years. I purchase some comics (mostly physically), I read some comics through my local library system, and I pirate others. I am fortunate enough to live near a good local comic shop, though this was not always the case, so I get a lot of my new comics there right now.

I have a lot more disposable income now than I did when I was in high school and college, but I'm also a fairly frugal person by nature. When I do buy comics, I almost never buy them new or at full price. I bought around 90-95% of the comics I own either used or on sale. I've used many avenues and methods to buy comics: Amazon and Ebay, the back issue bins and clearance sections at comic shops, the huge used media store near my parents' home that has a fantastic comics section, and sites like instocktrades that sell trades at a discount to name a few.

The exceptions are trades I know have fairly limited printings (and so will end up being more expensive in the long run if I don't buy them new and now) and single issues for runs I specifically subscribed to in order to finanically support. I usually limit myself to putting 3-4 runs maximum on my pull list at any given time; I simply don't have the funds, space, or desire to buy single issues at a higher rate than that. I'm a trades girlie at heart and that's where I will stay. I have zero guilt over not shelling out additional money to companies who clearly do not actually want it (otherwise they would make buying their products easier and would properly support their creatives).

I do own quite a few digital comics, which I mostly bought when Comixology was an independent site and used to run regular sales. Unfortunately Comixology has since been fully folded into the normal Amazon storefront and the Kindle Reader functionality for comics is incredibly subpar compared to the old Comixology app, so I basically no longer buy digital comics. However, I amassed quite a solid digital collection prior to the merger in 2022 (I have pretty much every Black Panther comic ever published up until 2020 because Comixology did a weeklong "get every BP comic for free" sale in the wake of Chadwick Boseman's death, for example).

This is what 16 years of physically collecting comics looks like for me:

As you can see, most of the comics I own are trades/hardbacks. I find that purchasing trades is cheaper, easier, a much more pleasant reading experience, saves space, and as a bonus is much prettier from a display perspective. The two white shortboxes on top of the shelf are where I store all of my single issues. After buying a new single issue, I "bag and board" it for preservation purposes and then put it in the box, arranged alphabetically by title, like so:

the tl;dr on my reading habits is that while I mostly pirate, especially for newer issues, I also use services like DC Infinite or my local library (both physically and digitally via services like Hoopla) to legally read older comics otherwise and then primarily buy in trade (usually used/on sale, rarely new) as I find them.

The floppies I own are mostly a) books from my pull list, b) very specific story arcs or runs that I love enough to work on collecting individually, c) comics I like that have never been collected, so the only way to own them legally is through hunting down and purchasing individual issues, d) issues with pretty covers that caught my eye, and e) a few random other issues here and there.

I also use RCO to reference comics that I've read when discussing comics online and writing metas, regardless of whether I legally own the comic or not. I'm not going to pull out my legally bought, physical copies of Cass's Batgirl run, scan them, and then upload the pictures every time I want to write meta. I'm going to go to RCO and grab a screenshot from the relevant issues.

While I wish it didn't work this way, reading superhero comics is a niche hobby that currently assumes you have lots of free time and lots of disposable income. Ultimately it is impractical and realistically financially impossible to legally purchase every comic you want to read and discuss with other people. Reading comics via other means (whether legally or through piracy) is actually foundationally necessary to ensure the industry continues, not just because of the traditional lack of access but also the sheer impossibility of buying individual comics at the scale necessary to understand and discuss the stories these companies publish. Not to mention the difficulty of discussing comics online if you are a physical reader/buyer.

Yes, the industry is severely outdated and still prioritizes monthly sales of physical single issues despite that not actually being a good indicator of a book's eventual financial success. Yes, ideally everyone would be able to legally purchase comics. But in reality, no one does so. I can probably count on my hands the number of comic readers I know who have never pirated anything. I don't begrudge anyone, especially people who live outside of the US and usually only have access to a very limited selection of stories, deciding to pirate comics. Please do so. You don't owe the Big Two shit. I only ever ask that if you ARE in a financial position to support the comics and creators you love by legally purchasing comics that you try to do so. Go and be free.

[libraryofgage]

Good Vibrations Three

One | Two

I usually try to throw out updates weekly but I got possessed by the muse for Modern Steve in 80s Hawkins and, like, finished the main chapters for that in a daze hfjdk I still need to write the two epilogues, but needed a little break, so here we are!

Part three has Eddie confirming his suspicions, like two seconds of angst that is immediately thrown out the window, and a little flirting UwU

I hope you enjoy! As always, if you see any typos, no you didn't ^_^

----

Something hits Steve in the back of the head. He'd be upset if not for the fact that he's facing away from Dustin and gave the kid paper for the express purpose of throwing if he needs Steve's attention. After much trial and error, the system finally works for them.

Steve sets down the plate he was washing (the aftermath of Dustin asking for grilled cheese sandwiches and annoying Steve until he caved) and turns, drying his hands on a dish towel. "What's up?"

Dustin's chest and arms are sprawled across the table, looking for all intents and purposes that he'd collapsed from sheer boredom or frustration. When Steve speaks, though, he sits up straight so Steve can see his mouth properly. "Can you pick me up tomorrow?"

"I thought your mom was."

"She told me this morning that she got saddled with a last minute thing."

Steve frowns, slowly parsing through Dustin's mouth movement and trying to find the shape of words. He doesn't get all of them, but he gets enough to understand the problem. "Oh," he says, "yeah, sure. Right after school?"

Dustin shakes his head, pushing his biology homework away so he can lean forward. "Hellfire is tomorrow. Eddie says it's gonna be in the math classroom. Can you meet me there at 4:30?"

Somehow, Steve immediately recognizes Eddie's name. Unsurprisingly, it makes him think of the guy, and his mind happily offers up the memory of Eddie laughing on stage. Steve struggles to push the memory aside, at least moving it to a corner until he can properly reminisce later.

"Which math room?" Steve asks, hoping Dustin doesn't notice a longer than normal delay in his response.

He doesn't, if his relieved and happy grin is anything to go by. "213," Dustin says. He then pauses, as if suddenly thinking of something. "Also, uh, maybe wait in the next hall or something. Don't let Eddie see you."

"Why can't Eddie see me?" he asks. Has Eddie been complaining about Steve lately? Has Dustin spent the past week listening to Eddie insult or make fun of Steve for...something he did at the Hideout? Did he not act normal enough?

Well, it's probably not that last one. Robin is great at elbowing Steve when someone is talking to him. She's saved him from numerous awkward situations with that move. It's almost worth the bruise he'll inevitably get from her sharp elbow.

"He won't, like, shut up about you," Dustin says, his nose wrinkling some in disgust and distorting the shape of his mouth. He waits until his expression is under control to add, "He can't get over you attending his gig or something. Keeps saying it's weird that "King Steve" likes metal."

"Oh."

Steve feels his shoulders grow heavy, a weight pressing down on him. He can't hear how Dustin is saying the words, and Dustin's expression isn't animated enough for Steve to glean any kind of tone. But experience has taught Steve that Eddie is probably complaining, even if Dustin isn't saying it outright.

Now that he's thinking about it, it probably was weird for Steve to just show up to a heavy metal gig. He's never shown any sign of liking the genre to others before. Then again, he's pretty skilled at passing for completely "normal" to other people. That results in him being King Steve, though, and that version of him might be all that Eddie can see, which would make his appearance at the Hideout pretty fucking awkward, huh?

Steve is so lost in his thoughts and the feeling of remorse and embarrassment and frustration that he almost misses how Dustin rolls his eyes, his shoulders jerking with a scoff. He pays attention just in time to watch as Dustin says, "Yeah, so if he sees you, he'll probably grill you on your favorite bands or something. He's, like, obsessed with figuring out all the other freak things about you. His words, by the way."

It's a lot all at once, and Steve ends up asking Dustin to repeat himself twice before he can fully comprehend everything. Despite the slightly annoyed look, Dustin doesn't complain. When he finally understands each word, that weight lifts from Steve's shoulders, the sudden emotional whiplash making him feel a little floaty.

"That's why he can't see me?" Steve asks, raising an eyebrow at Dustin and leaning back against the sink.

"Yeah, it'll take forever. It's like when Mom runs into a friend and just stands there talking for a whole hour," Dustin complains, sprawling himself across the table once more when he's done speaking.

Steve snorts and leans over, ruffling his hair and jerking his hand back before Dustin can smack it. "I promise we wouldn't talk for an hour, but I'm not going to avoid Eddie. If he sees me, he sees me."

Dustin doesn't need to know that a small part of Steve really hopes Eddie sees him, deafness and all. And maybe he'll even like what he sees.

----

Eddie Munson is not stupid.

Well, his grades and teachers would beg to differ, so he'll rephrase that.

Eddie Munson is a fantastic DM, which means he regularly takes a big plot twist and sprinkles hints of it throughout each session of a campaign. Doing this means being able to put those puzzle pieces back together, too, and ensuring they lead up to the logical plot twist. So, Eddie's brain is great at seeing some puzzle pieces scattered around and putting them together to make a complete picture, and he's definitely been seeing some puzzle pieces.

Like Steve Harrington never looking over when Eddie first speaks to him. And the way Steve stares at his mouth, his brows slightly furrowed like he's trying to decode something (Eddie would love for this puzzle piece to belong to a "Steve Harrington wants to kiss Eddie Munson" big picture, but he's not delusional). And how Steve needs to be nudged or needs to see someone before realizing they're close to him. And how he didn't seem to understand Eddie's words until he looked down at a notebook Robin had scribbled in.

And that's not even counting the stuff Eddie Munson noticed about Steve in high school. Steve Harrington walked through the halls like someone was hunting him, his shoulders tense and his eyes always flitting around from person to person, like he was scared of someone sneaking up on him. He always seemed to ignore people when they called out to him, and Eddie had once dismissed it as him being an asshole. Steve never actually paid attention in class, either; he'd spend the whole time doodling in his notebook or zoning out while staring at the wall. He didn't even look up when the teacher called on him, and eventually the teachers stopped trying.

So, yeah, Eddie has slowly started piecing the puzzle together, resulting in a picture that he never would have linked to Steve Harrington, of all people. But it's the logical conclusion. It's the brilliant plot twist that makes so much sense when you review previous campaign sessions.

He just needs to test it, to see if he's actually right or if he needs to review the pieces once more.

Eddie's chance comes after Hellfire Club on Wednesday. Their session had finished a little earlier, if only because the players had gotten through Eddie's planned journey faster than intended. The next part couldn't be stopped five minutes in, so Eddie had called it a day and gone to the bathroom while the others talked about their character progression.

In the few minutes it took for him to piss, Steve had strolled into the school and started waiting in the hallway next to the math room. He's leaning against the wall, head tilted down as he reads a small book, his lips turned down into a slight frown as he concentrates.

This is the scene Eddie sees when he rounds the corner, and before he can really think about it, he scurries back to remain out of view. He's not scared of Steve Harrington. He just knows this is the best chance he's got to test his theory. Eddie glances around the corner, watching as Steve turns the page of his book, and he suddenly wants to know what has captured his attention so strongly.

Eddie takes a deep breath and slides around the corner again, sticking close to the wall to remain out of sight. "Hey, Harrington," he says, his volume normal and easy to hear.

Steve doesn't react. He doesn't even twitch or give any indication that he heard Eddie and simply decided to ignore him.

"Haaariiiiingtooonnn," Eddie calls, a little louder and drawing the word out.

Still nothing. Well. Steve frowns a little deeper, turns the page back, and rereads whatever part has tripped him up.

"Steve, you motherfucker," Eddie says, the same volume as before, and this time trying something that might anger him. "Your hair looks ugly," he adds. It's a lie, of course. Steve's hair looks fantastic, and Eddie wants to run his fingers through it.

No reaction, and Eddie is starting to feel brave. He takes a few steps closer, still hugging the wall. "Oh, Stevie," he says, getting a slight grin, "big boy, sweetheart, darling, pretty thing." The endearments easily fall from his lips, hanging in the air with Steve none the wiser.

So. Eddie thinks it's safe to say his theory is correct: Steve Harrington can't hear. And Eddie is suddenly, achingly curious to know more. He wants to see how Steve, with his perfect hair and his stupid little moles and his blinding grin, navigates the world when he can't even hear it. He wants to know how Steve experiences music; he wants to know how many other people know; he wants to know if Steve ever gets frustrated and what he gets frustrated about; he wants to know if Steve's other senses are stronger to balance out his lack of hearing.

He wants to know everything.

Eddie strolls over, standing next to Steve and tapping his shoulder. He feels a little bad when Steve jerks in surprise, sliding back a few steps and looking at Eddie with wide eyes. "Don't do that!" Steve says, his gaze flitting around the hall before he forces himself to calm down and look at Eddie.

"Sorry," Eddie says, hoping his expression tells Steve just how much he means it. "You didn't look up when I called you."

Steve blinks, his lips twitching into an almost wry smile. "I, uh, was really absorbed," he says after a moment, idly holding up his book so Eddie can see "The Bicentennial Man" by Isaac Asimov on the cover.

"Heavy reading," Eddie says, trying to remember if he'd ever seen Steve read science fiction in high school.

Steve shrugs, glancing at the cover with a slight frown. "Dustin and Will were talking about it a few days ago. They seemed to like it. Figured I'd see what the fuss was about," he explains.

"Is it worth the fuss?" Eddie asks.

But Steve doesn't answer because he's still looking at the cover. A few more seconds pass before he sighs and looks up at Eddie. "It's kind of confusing," he admits.

And Eddie can't help himself. He wants the satisfaction of truly knowing he was right, and he wants Steve to know that he knows what's up. So, he asks, "Are you deaf?"

-----

Steve tenses, his shoulders hiking up, and he holds the book closer to his chest like it will somehow shield him. "What....how did you know?" he asks, deciding he doesn't need to try bluffing. Eddie's voice wasn't hesitant. He already knows the answer.

"Just noticed things," Eddie says, shrugging as he steps closer to Steve and grins.

The thing is, Steve hasn't tried hiding his deafness lately. Sure, he would have rather died in high school before letting someone discover he couldn't hear, but now? Now he doesn't really care. He's faced literal monsters; someone just innocently asking if he's deaf shouldn't result in the spike of anxiety that shoots down his spine.

At least, Steve thought he wouldn't care. Apparently, his body didn't get the memo, and years of habit had taken over, putting Steve on the immediate defensive. He clenches his jaw, forces his shoulders to relax, and reminds himself of Dustin's whole "Eddie seems weirdly obsessed with you" comment from the day before.

"Is that a problem or something?" Steve asks, relaxing his shoulder and forcing himself to stay in place.

Eddie pauses, frowning like he hadn't expected Steve to ask him that. "No," he says, the word a little drawn out based on how long his lips linger on the "o" shape. "How long?"

Okay. Steve can handle this. He can already see Eddie's questions following the same path as Robin's and Dustin's when they first learned he was deaf. "I started losing my hearing in elementary school. It was pretty much gone by high school," he explains.

Of all people, Eddie should be the most understanding, right? He probably isn't deaf, but Steve's deafness is something that makes him a freak. Sure, it wasn't super obvious in high school, but it still has to count for something, right? It has to help erase the King Steve persona from Eddie's brain, right?

"That explains a lot," Eddie says, tilting his head slightly and narrowing his eyes like he's trying to filter his memories of Steve through this new lens. "You don't have hearing aids?"

"I, uh, don't usually wear them in public."

"Why not?"

Steve opens his mouth to answer but stops himself. Saying he didn't want people to know in high school would feel shallow, yes, but it would be true. Besides still needing to actually get new ones, he doesn't have much of an excuse for not wearing them now. He frowns slightly, gripping the book in his hand a little tighter. It must make some kind of sound because Eddie's eyes flick down to it before looking back up.

"I didn't want people to know in high school," he finally says, rubbing his thumb over the book's cover in an attempt to expel some of the nervous energy he feels. "If people knew, especially teachers, my grades and stuff would've been blamed on, you know, my deafness. And then my parents would've put me into a special school for others who are deaf or hard of hearing. I didn't really want to get transferred like that, especially in the middle of high school."

"What about now, Stevie? You're not exactly in high school anymore," Eddie says. And did Steve read his lips right? That was his name in the middle, he doesn't doubt that, but...was it changed? There was an extra movement at the end, Eddie's bottom lip pulling back slightly like a long E was thrown in there.

It's not like he can ask, so he shoves the thought away, thinking instead of his crushed and useless hearing aids. His shoulders slump a little at the thought. "My hearing aids are broken, but I don't have enough for new ones yet."

Eddie's eyes narrow again, and he leans a little closer. "Aren't your parents, like, stupidly rich? I mean, I've been to your parties, Harrington, it's not a small house you've got there. Just ask Mommy and Daddy to buy you some new ones," he says.

Steve blinks, trying to grasp the words while also processing just how strongly Eddie's "cigarette smoke-weed-woodsy outdoor" smell overwhelms him. It's not bad (maybe it should be? Steve doesn't think he's ever liked these smells before), but it makes Steve's head feel fuzzy and slow, like he's trying to wade through cotton balls. He blinks again, pushing through the daze to say, "Can you repeat that? You, uh, you spoke too fast."

The smell recedes as Eddie leans back, his lips quirking up into a smile that's more...indulgent than it is mean. "Your parents are rich. Ask them to buy you new ones," Eddie says.

Okay, that's...significantly less words than Eddie said before. Steve frowns slightly, frustration budding in his chest because he wants to know what Eddie said, not what he asked. He feels like he's being left out of a conversation he's actively participating in, and he has to swallow back his immediate, frustration-motivated response.

Eddie doesn't know, he's likely never spoken to a deaf person before. Steve should give him the benefit of the doubt and a little leeway, right? Honestly, Steve is fucking tired of giving people the benefit of the doubt and leeway, but what else is he supposed to do? Blow up? It would be nice in the moment, sure, but the aftermath? The inevitable apology and the potential indignation from the other person? That sounds fucking exhausting. He'd rather complain to Robin later.

"I want to buy my own," Steve says, knowing his sudden shift in demeanor has been noticed by the confused furrow of Eddie's brow.

Before he can say more, Eddie reaches forward, grabbing the sleeves of Steve's sweatshirt. Based on his surprised expression, it was an impulsive move, but Eddie doesn't let go. He just swallows (Steve should not be staring at Eddie's throat like this) and looks at him. "What's wrong?" he asks, and his face is so expressive that Steve doesn't need to hear his tone to know he genuinely cares and wants to know.

Without thinking, Steve blurts out, "I asked what you said. You just repeated what you asked. I want to know everything you said. Every word. I feel like...like you're trying to dumb things down for me, like you don't think I can actually, I don't know, understand everything. I'm deaf, not stupid."

Eddie's eyes widen slightly. "Oh," he says, licking his lips nervously before nodding. "Okay, yeah, it was kind of mean, though," he admits.

"That's worse, actually," Steve says, frowning and gripping the book tightly once more. "I'll just feel like you're mocking me, or getting off on making fun of me when I don't know. Just repeat yourself, word for word."

And Eddie does. He seems uncomfortable doing so, but he speaks a little slower and makes sure Steve can understand each word this go-around. At the end, he adds, "Like I said, kind of mean. Sorry."

Steve watches Eddie for a few seconds before grinning. "It's fine, Eddie," he says, suddenly realizing how close Eddie has gotten and how Eddie is still holding onto his sleeve. And then, to make sure Eddie knows it's okay, he puts on what Robin calls his Bitch Voice and adds, "Besides, Mommy and Daddy don't need to know I've broken another pair. I'd like to live to see next year."

Eddie blinks when he hears the Bitch Voice and perks up slightly, a grin tugging at his lips and his hold on Steve's sleeve tightening slightly. The awkward moment seems to have passed, and Eddie confirms that by asking, "So, what do you really like about heavy metal?"

"I can feel it. Literally. Heavy metal has stronger vibrations, so I can experience it more easily. I don't really know how the words are sung, but I can feel the beat," Steve explains.

"Then, what did you think of our set?" Eddie asks.

He looks a little nervous, and something in Steve settles, relaxing into place. "Like I said, it was great. Especially your song at the end. I haven't really felt a song like that before. Does your band have more original stuff?" he asks. Maybe he can convince Eddie to record some of their songs so Steve can listen to them. Or, even better, just play only their songs at their next gig.

"Of course we do," Eddie says, standing a little straighter and grinning a little wider and looking at Steve like he's put the stars in the sky. "I'll play them for you next time, sweetheart."

Steve blinks at the word he definitely understood at the very end. Before he can ask about it, though, Eddie glances behind Steve and quickly lets go of his sleeve. Not two seconds later, Dustin shoves himself between Eddie and Steve, looking up at him with an eager smile and bright eyes and Steve has the worst feeling.

"Steve! Can we have a movie night at your place?" he asks as the rest of the kids filter in, pushing Eddie further and further back.

"Sure, but you have to call your parents and tell them when we get to my place," Steve says, incredibly grateful he can't hear when Eddie winces at the cheer that comes from the kids.

And then the kids are pushing him down the hall, undoubtedly arguing with each other about what movie to watch first and not giving Steve a chance to say goodbye, or ask if Eddie was serious about playing for him, or ask if Eddie had meant to call him sweetheart or if that was just, somehow, a mistake.

-----

Tag List (the tag list is completely filled up! There definitely wasn't enough room for everyone who requested a tag orz

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[solarisfortuneia]

— grace and coordination? who?

them with a clumsy reader. (ft. kaeya, thoma, tighnari, diluc, alhaitham, ayato, zhongli, childe.)

notes: pinkie swear this'll be the last repost for a while, bc i'm working on some new stuff mwah <3

kaeya's reaction to your mishaps depends on the situation. sometimes he's literal prince charming, the very picture of concern and worry. and other times, when you're not in a lot of danger— like when you've tripped down a set of four stairs, for example— he'll try really really hard to keep a straight face to protect your feelings.

over time, he'll develop a sense of when and where accidents are most likely to happen and take measures to either remove the obstruction, or guide you away from it entirely. however, if the situation is inevitable, he'll try his best to catch you. one downside though— or upside, depending how you see it— is that he'll always hit you with an overused, cliché line.

"looks like you're falling for me all over again, sweetheart."

this sweet, sweet boy is the most worried of all. initially, thoma thinks every scratch and every bruise is a consequence of something serious, but soon learns that they're most probably a result of your klutziness. even if you stumble lightly and regain your balance, he's instantly at your side, asking you if you're alright. he won't just take you at your word though, he'll check you himself from head to toe, and only then will he be satisfied.

he'll also carry bandages, antiseptic liquid, lotion, anything he thinks you might need. his pockets are endless. he'll even have small treats to console you after a bad fall.

"oh, dear! here, let me help you up. no injuries? good. here's a candy to cheer you up."

frankly, he's exasperated. and also very concerned. whenever you bump your head on a branch or fall backwards on your butt, he just sighs and shakes his head before helping you. he knows you're no careless fool, just very prone to unlucky incidents, so he'll spare you the lecture.

tighnari is a firm believer in the fact that prevention is better than cure. so, he'll make sure your footwear is comfortable and supportive and make you change if any parts of your outfit have the potential to be a tripping hazard. if you wear glasses, he'll remind you to keep your prescription up to date. all in all, he'll minimize the possibility of you tripping due to things in your control.

"you'll trip on that robe of yours if you walk outside wearing it. go put on something else, i'd rather not see you fall into a hole in the ground again."

diluc never expresses anything because he'd rather not come off as overbearing, but he's very careful with you. you can see it in the way he brings a hand to the edge of the table to stop you from hitting your head when you bend to pick up a spoon you knocked off the table, the way he keeps any sharp objects out of your reach, the way he's always scanning his surroundings.

he'll find himself doing all that even when you're not with him, and he'll be glad you weren't there to witness that. he'll baby proof his entire house just for you, and if he can, he'll baby proof yours too. he's the type to use the high quality silk handkerchief he carries around to bandage a scuffed knee.

"don't worry about it, cloth can be washed. the injury should be our first priority."

there is no question alhaitham can't answer and no puzzle he can't solve, except, of course, the conundrum of how you manage to stumble over air, or slip on a completely dry surface. he'll observe you carefully, try his best to figure it out but eventually he'll chalk it up to circumstances being arranged against you.

he takes matters into his own hands and just fixes said circumstances for you. beyond that, he knows he cannot do much. he has the uncanny ability to know exactly when you're about to do something where you'll end up with a bump on your head, even if you're miles apart. he's also not too worried, he knows that a tumble isn't the end of the world. the problem only arises when you don't get back up again.

he'll firmly refuse to go dancing with you though, both for his sake and yours. he'll turn you down gently and suggest alternatives.

"dance with you? i'm not sure that's such a great idea. how about we spend the evening at the café?"

kamisato ayato is grace, elegance and perfection. so it comes as a surprise to most of inazuma when they see that his partner is a walking disaster. he's fond of this trait of yours though; he thinks it's endearing. he's also very forgiving if you happen to step on his toes or bump into him. he has no issues replacing anything you break on accident too.

he knows he cannot personally keep an eye on you, so he'll have someone watch over you from afar to make sure nothing serious happens.  that's not to say he won't tease you, no. even though he knows the answer, he'll always ask playfully about any recent 'misfortune' you've been a part of every time he sees you.

"ah, there you are. have you fulfilled your daily quota of disaster for the day? now now, don't give me that look, you know i'm just teasing~"

he's unfazed, really. he's seen many types of people and creatures over the years, from the most poised rulers to the most unsteady fawns. one thing he does do for you is carefully consider any gifts he's thinking of giving to you, and dismisses the item if it has pointy corners or is fragile.

zhongli's the type to fall with you so you're not alone. he was once a powerful archon, a little accident in a busy hall is nothing for him. and seeing him mimic you with a stoic face to help you feel better is always a treat to witness. then, he'll dust himself off as if nothing happened, and offer you a hand.

"think nothing of it, dearest. i simply wish to accompany you on any journey i can, even if it is a short one to the floor."

childe's first and foremost reaction is to laugh when you hit your head on a pillar right in front of you, then he'll chuckle at the face you make at him when you're offended. he can't help it! it reminds him way too much of his siblings.

he sincerely promises, with a hand over his heart, to kiss any boo-boos better. and he'll insist on lifting you in his arms, and won't take no for an answer.

"no buts! i'm carrying you home like this. after all, the best way to stop you from tripping is to make sure your feet don't touch the ground, wouldn't you agree?"

[nabi-unveiled]

Sticking the Landing is Hard

It's no secret that I adore When It Rains, It Pours. I have written an immense amount about the symbols, characters, parallels, and interpretations of this show. I've taken a deep dive into almost every aspect of the show possible. The characters and narrative resonate DEEPLY for me. The fandom experience has been AMAZING.

At its core, it IS a show that has multiple interpretations. Many people will not like that aspect of it. I love it. I enjoy shows that make me think, that send me on symbol treasure hunts and prompt deep dives. But more importantly, I felt like a lot of its messages were true to real life. Did they ever like me? Did I actually like them? Why did I do that? Why did I stay? Why did I not say anything? When is a relationship over? These are all questions I have asked myself.

I think it's fine that I don't fully understand what each character is thinking. I've been with my husband for almost 20 years, and I still couldn't tell you even a majority of the time what he's thinking. Not with 100% confidence. So it doesn't bother me that we debate over whether Kaori really liked Hagiwara or not. There's a lot of ambiguity in life. Real life is messy, and people are complex and messy. It's tragically beautiful that way.

That said - sticking the landing is hard. In general, I dislike finales. NOT because the show is coming to an end like people inevitably lament on finale day. I started watching Asian series precisely because they DO end. But finale episodes tend to commit a lot of crimes. Pacing issues. Last minute plot arcs. Time skips. No plot at all. Unearned redemption. There's a LOT of ways that a finale can go wrong. Most of the time, a finale episode commits multiple crimes.

So if you absolutely adore When It Rains and only want to read positive vibes or do a deep dive on symbols/parallels, then let me direct you to this post here. That's where I talk about all of the things the finale got right. My finale wish list fared pretty well after all. There was a lot of good and quite a few unexpected treasures.

But that's not this post. Because even if you adore a show, you can have criticisms. I hold out hope, but I've yet to find a perfect show. If you're willing to entertain that kind of discourse, it's below the cut.

Since you've decided to keep reading, I'm going to assume you can handle me being straightforward. With criticism, I tend to be blunt. And just like I obsess over all of the positive details, I can nitpick with the best of them. It's a double-edged sword.

Now just because I notice something, doesn't mean it becomes a criticism. It depends on the show. For example, I noticed that Fadel/Bison never worried about fingerprints during their "murder" of Lilly. Do I care? NO! It's The Heart Killers. That's actually on brand.

In When It Rains, I expect things to be nuanced, layered, and realistic. That's the vibe it has carried thus far. It has been permeated with symbolism, parallels and callbacks. That's what I expect of it. The cheating will never bother me. People DO cheat. That's the story this tells. Even incredibly good people do things that are not "good" at times. I cast no stones.

And make no mistake - I'm INCREDIBLY happy that Sei/Hagiwara got their happy ending. But.....there were stumbles, a few missteps, and an outright (unforgivable) crime in the finale.

I'll start with the smallest criticisms and work my way up.

The Stumbles

Stumbles are what I call the small things that don't matter to most people but irk me. They can impact the narrative, but most of the time they don't.

Stumble #1 - Inaccurate Meteorology

Low air pressure would be a result of WARMER temperatures. Would it matter in most shows? Nope. The science nerd in me would be annoyed, but I'd move on. I'd treat it with the same nonchalance as Kant/Bison's magic tattoos. However, this show uses weather for symbolism. These details become more important. Plus, cold rain? Why are we getting cold rain now? Symbolically, it doesn't make sense. I can only hope it's a translation issue.

Stumble #2 - Forcing the Final Kiss

The show demanded a kiss in the rain. We got it. Yay! I'm glad we did. BUT...it felt forced. Like someone saying "You've gotta kiss now. the credits are almost done!" While there are a few narrative missteps that contributed, most of this feeling comes from the blocking.

The umbrella should've been used to pull Sei closer to kiss (like a tie), and THEN set aside while kissing. Symbolically, the umbrella HAD to go to the side. We needed them fully in the rain. But the way the umbrella was moved in this scene, made the movement of the umbrella feel contrived. For a show that's felt very real, it felt scripted. Therefore I enjoyed the scene a whole lot less than I would've otherwise. The smiles afterwards were still adorable. The ending shot is beautiful. The kiss in episode 5 is better. Feel free to disagree.

Stumble #3 - The Asylum Phone Case

If you want your symbols to mean something, you have to be consistent. There's meaning behind this painting. Basically, it represents being trapped. I didn't even have to bring it up, because so many other people did. If Sei has moved on and is no longer trapped, then the case should've changed. The phone was broke anyways. No need to keep it.

The Missteps

Missteps are my next level of criticism. These are the things that don't ruin a show, but they do hurt it. Finale episodes are notorious for missteps. Pacing and plot arc issues are most common.

Misstep #1 - Hagiwara deleting Sei's contact information

This action is supposed to parallel Sei deleting the rain app. However, it made sense that Sei deleted the rain app. He no longer needs the "fake rain". He's moving on to where he can hear the real rain. It's part of healing for him. It makes NO sense for Hagiwara to delete Sei's contact information. In fact, that's actually OUT of character for him.

I'm not surprised that he didn't contact Sei directly. I've pointed out before that Hagiwara is a mirror. He reflects what the other person wants, and we know he has a high level of respect for personal boundaries. However, Hagiwara waited patiently for a YEAR when his girlfriend wouldn't have sex with him. He KNOWS Sei has just went through something traumatic and is dealing with A LOT.

He couldn't wait a month before deleting him? At MOST, we're talking 1.5 months between when they had sex and reuniting at the museum. Most likely we're actually talking less than a month. Hagiwara would not have moved on that fast. He is not that complacent with Sei. I refuse to believe it. He's better than that (when he's with Sei).

Misstep #2 - The co-worker emailing Sei

The way this show does parallels and callbacks, Sei was required to be nominated to host the party.

After all, they told us that would happen in episode 2.

But notice what else they said there? That Sei would rely on Hagiwara when the time came. There was actually no good reason for the coworker to e-mail Sei after she left the room. It's unlikely behavior. Sei had already thought about reaching out to Hagiwara.

Party planning would have given him the excuse he needed to do it. Him sending an e-mail to Hagiwara would have shown more initiative and added just one more example that Sei actually did miss and want to be with Hagiwara. It would have also completed the parallel (since Hagiwara initiated e-mail the first time). He still could've received an automated response that Hagiwara was on leave and made a connection to the date of the museum closing. It's a missed opportunity to indicate the depth of Sei's feelings.

Misstep #3 - Pacing. Many people will take issue with the fact that our leads are only together the last few minutes. That doesn't bother me at all. I cut my teeth on BBC period pieces where you were lucky to get a three second handhold at the end of a six hour series. We saw all of the things that Sei & Hagiwara want to do with each other, and I know they'll continue their life afterwards.

However, there WAS a pacing issue. Notably, the whole encounter with Fujisawa and Sei took too long. That time would've been better spent showing more about Hagiwara adjusting to single life, Sei dealing with his trauma, them DRINKING COFFEE and/or them missing each other in general. I could think of a lot of things that would've better served than that long-ass conversation. Resolution needed to happen, but it shouldn't have taken 8.5 MINUTES of a 24 minute episode. For those curious, the resolution with Kaori took 6.5 minutes.

Misstep #4 - Sei is healed! The magic trauma wand got waved. This one would typically be a crime for me. It's a very common crime in dramaland. But there is wiggle room for some interpretation here. The biggest problem is time. Trauma takes TIME to heal, and we've had about a month.

Sei was still spiraling when washing his hands just a few episodes ago. He still refused to take transportation. But apparently, not only did the SA not causes issues, Sei's other issues are mostly gone.

Sei can now take whatever transportation necessary to make the long commute to Fujisawa's studio. Sei now makes insightful statements about how it can't be anyone's fault.

I had truly wanted Sei to make progress in healing. I'm glad he's wearing color. I'm glad he forgot the perfume. I'm glad he's reaching out to former friends. He still doesn't have LINE (maybe that WAS personal preference?). But we didn't get to see any of the things that helped him cope with the aftermath. A shot of Sei going into a therapists' office or trying to work up the nerve to get in a vehicle would've done wonders. Trauma has to be WORKED on. It doesn't magically disappear. Plus, the SA would have ADDED to the trauma.

The only reason this didn't land as an outright crime is because we don't know that he DIDN'T do those things either. We also don't REALLY know how far along he was in his healing process about his parents' death. We know he had made significant process over the years so it's possible that his trauma wasn't still as present as some earlier episodes implied (which would make those scenes a misstep).

THE CRIME: Character Assassination

Fujisawa's character now makes no sense. It's not that his character could be interpreted multiple ways. It's that it CAN'T be interpreted, because it's inconsistent.

I've went on a journey with Fujisawa's character. Back in episode 3 when I first started posting about this show, I delighted in the fact that there were no "bad guys". The show seemed to be about conflicting priorities which was a delightfully fresh take.

After multiple rewatches and episode 4, I had decided that I had missed the plot. Fujisawa WAS a bad news bear. No problem. We now had one story about mismatched priorities and one about manipulation/control. Still important stories to tell.

Then came episode 6. I haven't read the novel, but I know what happened there. Doesn't matter to me. I base my analysis strictly on the show. I knew people interpreted the SA/dubcon scene different ways. I had even received an inquiry about whether I thought Fujisawa had raped Sei. I had prepared a (long) answer. I was 100% confident that Fujisawa HAD raped Sei. I went through all of the pacing, the blocking, the parallels, etc. comparing the scene to the fantasy scene in episode 1 and the sex scene with Hagiwara. There are a LOT of parallels. Add in several points of both Fujisawa's and Sei's dialogue, and I had NO DOUBT that it was rape.

However, I decided to hold off just in case there would be additional evidence in episode 7. We hadn't had resolution after all. We knew Sei would confront Fujisawa. And NOW? I can't post it. Going STRICTLY by what the show presented, I can no longer be 100% confident.

To be clear, I actually have NO issue with Sei's response to Fujisawa. Adding in the new information that they had been best friends since they were KIDS clarified a lot of Sei's dependence on him.

Sei had put up with and excused Fujisawa's behavior for SO LONG, that it actually makes sense he would find a way to excuse and forgive Fujisawa again. In some ways, he needed to do that for himself. As an audience, we may not like it. But it's realistic. People forgive and overlook the actions of their abusers all the time.

I also have no problem with the "reveal" that Fujisawa had always liked Sei in a sexual way. The show had already told us it was coming.

Even the symbols told us that Fujisawa was actually more sexually responsive than Kaori. He didn't eat the yogurt. He drank coffee.

Fujisawa's feelings of guilt track. It's not my culture, but I've watched Asian media for over 20 years. Being involved in ANY way with the death of parent(s) ALWAYS causes complications. And note - Sei didn't say that it wouldn't have mattered. He said that Fujisawa could have kept quiet and just let them live happily.

Now, I'm great with messy, complicated characters. But messy (i.e. layered/complex) and inconsistent are different things. Here's the problem. Fujisawa gracefully bowing out and letting Sei live on his own? That's inconsistent with what we've been taught about him. Codependency, a moment of rage resulting in a terrible event, and regret over his actions resulting in them parting ways? This resolution WOULD'VE worked with my initial impression of Fujisawa. It would've made for a complex, messy, and realistic character if we had stuck with the initial characterization. Even the guilt would've worked.

However, this resolution DOESN'T work with everything we've been shown in the last few episodes. Fujisawa has been depicted as someone carefully cutting Sei off from his friends, as someone who controlled almost every aspect of Sei's life from what he wore to what he ate to where he went. "Letting go" doesn't match the person who was going to whisk Sei away to the countryside for daring to talk with another man. That type of behavior? It doesn't go away even if the person regrets their actions. If that's Fujisawa, then the show basically gave up realism to tie up the ending with a pretty bow. "We need you to go away now so that the leads can be happy."

So...we have two versions of Fujisawa. One where Fujisawa/Sei were equally codependent in a relationship that worked for neither. And one where Fujisawa was a controlling abuser. The evidence conflicts. I've frequently said in this show that things "could be both" and that "both interpretations worked". However, these two versions ARE mutually exclusive. He can't be both. So either the crime was in the finale or....there were missteps all along the way.

[bm571158]

Free Now LN4 (Part 41)

When Lando woke up the next morning the pounding in his head was on a par with the concussion after Monza. His head quite literally felt like it was going to explode, although he supposed it was probably well deserved after the amount he'd had to drink. There was a horrible moment of disorientation as he tried to work out where he was, before a moment of relief when he realised that it was just Flo's spare room. He burrowed his head further into the pillows, trying to block out the little bit of daylight that was now starting to peek in through the curtains in Flo's spare room. Even the smallest amount of light felt like it was way, way too bright for what his head could handle.

He kicked his legs out from under the covers, deciding he was far too hot, the cool air feeling good against his skin. As he tried to get himself comfortable he became aware of why he was so warm, daring to open his eyes just enough to find Lottie wrapped around him, her head resting on his chest as she slept peacefully.

His arms were wrapped around her, and as he looked at her his hold on her tightened just a fraction, holding her that little bit closer. He didn't dare move any more though, he didn't want to wake her up and have her pull away from him. So he closed his eyes again instead, letting himself drift back off to sleep in the comforting knowledge that she was back where she belonged.

For now, anyway.

By the time he woke up again the second time his head ache had reduced to a dull pain, and the sun had risen higher in the sky, the light through the crack in the curtains much more persistent now. He had no idea what time it was, he didn't care, he was vaguely aware of the sound of a few people moving around downstairs. He assumed a few stragglers from the party that had spent the night on Flo's sofa that his sister had probably woken up and decided to kick out.

He held his breath as Lottie started to stir in his arms, preparing himself for the heart break when she was inevitably going to wake up properly and pull away from him. It was going to be just as painful as watching her walk out of his apartment the first time.

But she didn't pull away, she froze for a moment, but the relaxed in his arms, peering up at him through her lashes. "How's the hangover?" She asked with a knowing smile.

"Not to be dramatic but I actually thought I was going to die earlier." He groaned, burying his face in her hair as she laughed.

"I'm not surprised at all." She laughed.

"What was I drinking?" He asked. "Please remind me not to ever drink it again, whatever it was."

"I mean I personally watched you consume quite the quantity of vodka and I don't think you even mixed it with anything. I can't vouch for what you had before I found you though." Lottie laughed quietly. "To be honest seeing how drunk you were I thought that you'd have been worse off this morning."

"Getting to wake up next to you makes it better." He mumbled.

Her breath caught in her throat, his words forcing her to acknowledge the way she was pressed up against him, legs tangled with his and her face just inches from his as she looked up at him. At some point during the night he'd obviously woken up and realised that he was still fully dressed, stripped down to his boxers and climbed under the covers with her. As a result, she was now laying against his bare chest, her fingers tracing idly over each defined muscle on his stomach without her even realising she was doing it.

He didn't say anything, afraid that whatever he said was going to break the spell the two of them seemed of be under and ruin it. He hardly dared to breath as he fingers continued to trace over his skin.

She looked at him for a long moment, and he could see the confusion and indecision in her eyes. The internal battle that she was having with herself was written all over her face.

And then just as he was about to speak, her lips crashed into his. He froze for a second, because it really wasn't what he thought was about to happen, but as her fingers tangled into his hair he kissed her back enthusiastically.

He had no idea how long they'd been there like that, completely lost in the feeling of her lips on his, the occasional noise of satisfaction that would escape her. His hands began to wander, fingertips skimming over the soft skin of her body, tracing every curve of her body as if to check it was still just as he remembered it.

Somewhere along the line she'd ended up straddling his hips, not that he was complaining, but the way she was shifting around on top of him was about to give him a whole other issue to deal with.

"Lottie." He groaned, finally breaking away from the kiss. Her lips just trailed across his jaw though, teeth nipping lightly as his ear. "Lottie..." his protest was weak at best, and as he said it his hands on her hips were actually holding her in place, her hips grinding down into him of their own accord. "Fuck... Lottie...."

She sat up, and he was absolutely convinced that she'd suddenly come to her senses and was about to pull away from him, but instead she dragged her shirt over her head, looking down at him. "Tell me you don't want this and I'll stop." She breathed.

He couldn't form words as he looked up at her, sure that this had to be some kind of alcohol influenced dream that he was about to wake up from any second, because how many times had he had this exact dream? And now here she was, in the flesh, and he wasn't even sure he knew what to do.

As he looked at her, a slow smile spread across her face and she leaned into kiss him again, slower this time as though she was savouring the moment. His hands began their slow trail across her body again, roaming freely now she'd removed the clothing that had been in the way. Her hips still rolling against him in a tortuous way, as though begging him to take control and do something.

He wasn't sure he dared though, so afraid that if he made one wrong move, said one wrong word she'd be gone before he even had a chance to think about what he'd done. But as he kissed her back the part of his mind that had been anxious this was a mistake seemed to cease to function, and all he could think about was how much he wanted her, how much he'd missed her.

His hands slid down her body, sliding down her thighs and toying with the edge of her underwear in a way that had her letting out a breathy moan into his mouth.

"You want this?" He asked quietly, holding his breath as he waited for her to answer. He didn't even want to think about the possibility that she might say no.

"I want you." She breathed. "I've missed you, Lando... please..." she sounded needy and pathetic to her own ears, but she was too far gone to care. All she could think about was how badly she wanted him.

Before he could get any further though the door to the bedroom burst open. "Alright, get up! You're not staying- oh my god, OH MY GOD...Ewwwww." Flo froze in the doorway, covering her eyes for a second, before spinning around to leave and slamming the door behind her. They could still hear her cursing about how she'd never be able to unsee that again as she walked off down the stairs.

Before Lando could say anything Lottie collapsed against his chest in a fit of laughter, and he couldn't help but laugh along with her as he wrapped his arms around her.

"She's going to kill the both of us." Lottie laughed, shaking her head. "I feel so bad."

"She'll live." Lando shrugged. "She shouldn't have walked in here like that."

"Well she probably wasn't expecting me to be-" she cut herself off, not really knowing what she was about to say.

"Fucking her brother?" Lando smirked.

She smacked his chest, shaking her head at him. "Stop it."

"What if I don't want to stop?" He smirked, hands trailing over her body again.

"Lando..." Lottie protested. "Your sister is downstairs..."

"So?" He asked. "You weren't worried about her earlier, and I can guarantee she's not going to come back in here again now."

She hesitated for a moment, before leaning into kiss him softly. "I'm sorry, I should go and apologise to Flo. It's her birthday..."

"I'll go." Lando suggested, sitting up with a reluctant groan and looking for some clothes to put on. Lottie didn't argue, just curling up under the duvet again as he scrambled around to get dressed.

He stopped in the doorway, taking one last look back at Lottie curled up in the bed, before he headed rather awkwardly down the stairs to find his sister.

"Happy Birthday?" He offered awkwardly, standing in the doorway as he watched his sister trying to clean up the mess that had been left by the party the night before.

Flo turned to look at him in utter disbelief. "What the actual fuck is going on with you two?! I am so confused, never mind the fact that I can never unsee what I just saw... I mean you have quite possibly ruined my birthday for the rest of my life by the way."

"I think you might be being a little bit overly dramatic here." Lando laughed, stepped past her to make himself a coffee.

"I'm honestly going to have to bleach my brain." Flo cried again. "I mean what is even going on with the two of you?! One minute she's refusing to come to the party because she thinks that you might be here, the next minute the two of you are...."

Lando just smirked at her as Flo trailed off, not even wanting to say it out loud.

"Stop it!" Flo yelled, launching a towel at his head. "I'm going to have to burn those sheets."

"Nothing happened." Lando shrugged, trying to hide his disappointment.

"Yeah only because I had the misfortune of walking in on you." Flo rolled her eyes. "So what, you two are talking now? Or you got drunk and ended up in bed together?"

"I don't know." Lando admitted. "I was really, really drunk."

"Please tell me the two of you didn't get really drunk, have sex and make this whole thing even more complicated than it already is?" Flo sighed.

"We didn't..." Lando told her. "I just... I think we both got a bit carried away this morning. Waking up next to her like that, it was like being back to normal."

"Well what are you doing down here with me?" Flo asked.

"Saying happy birthday and checking you weren't too traumatised." He offered. "You good?"

"I'm good, but you'd better have got me a really good birthday present to make up for it." Flo laughed.

"I may have forgotten to get you anything." Lando confessed as his sister launched another towel at his head. "I'll make it up to you, I promise! Its just going to be a little bit late! And you might need to tell me what you want."

"Unbelievable." Flo laughed, shaking his head as he made a quick retreat out of the kitchen and back up the stairs to find Lottie.

He had been half expecting her to have got out of bed, that she'd be getting ready to leave and about to tell him the whole thing had been a huge mistake, but instead she was laying exactly where he'd left her. She blinked at him sleepily as he walked back into the room, closing and locking the door behind him this time, but just patted the space beside her indicating for him to get back in beside her.

He didn't need to be asked twice, stripping back out of his clothes and crawling into bed beside her. She curled back into his side as he got himself comfy, enjoying the feeling of his arms around her again.

"You know..." she said quietly. "What you said last night, it's not true."

Lando froze, because he couldn't remember saying anything to her the night before. The possibilities of what could have come out of his mouth while he was drunk and his guard was down were literally endless. He could feel his face flushing at the thought.

"You can't remember, can you?" She laughed, and as worried as he was about what he might have said, the sound of her laughter put a smile on his face.

"I don't remember much to be honest." He confessed. "I didn't want to come, mum made me and I decided I'd just drink enough that it wouldn't matter that I didn't know anyone. I can't remember the last time I got that drunk."

"So I could tell you that you said anything." She chuckled mischievously.

"You could." Lando agreed reluctantly. "But I'm already imagining the absolute worst myself, so why don't you just put me out of my misery? Do I need to apologise? I'm so sorry."

"You don't need to apologise." Lottie laughed, looking up at him. "You said that you were losing everything, that you'd lost me and you were going to lose the championship too. None of that's true, Lando."

He wondered if she could hear the way his heart was hammering in his chest as he processed her words. "Which's one's wrong?" He asked, not sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

"You haven't lost me." She said quietly. "I've been... I've been going to therapy, I didn't think I needed it. I thought once I was physically okay I'd be better, but turns out I was wrong. I'm trying to do better, I'm working on it. I think I said what I said, pushed you away because it scared me. It still does scare me. I need some time to work on me, but when I figure it out... you haven't lost me."

She shifted a little, allowing her to press a soft kiss to his lips before she continued.

"I still love you, Lando. I just need to figure out how to love the new me too." She whispered. "And as for the championship, you and I both know a couple of good races and you'll have that lead back. It's not over, not even close. You can still do it, and I believe that you can do it. And when you win it, I'll be there to watch. I promise."

"I'm going to hold you to that." He agreed, giving her another gentle kiss, his arms tightening around her for a bit. "Can we... can we just stay here for a bit?"

"Sounds good." Lottie agreed sleepily. "Lando?"

"Yeah?" He yawned.

"I love you." She whispered.

"I know." He smiled. "I love you too."

[dukeofankh]

There is something very odd and nebulous happening with language around the Trump administration that I think is bad, but obviously it's kind of a bird's eye analysis of a landscape that has a lot of variability. It's not gonna be universally applicable. Do not Bean Soup me.

Put simply, the discussion of the "flood the zone," "shock and awe" strategy employed by the Trump administration is starting to shift into something much less useful and accurate, in my opinion.

Like, obviously it is preferable, from the administration's perspective, that you feel too overwhelmed and attacked to do anything. That is true. But this has kind of bled into the concept of things being done as a "distraction" until we reach a place in the discourse where like...

People do get that the point of the Trump Administration isn't to make them feel bad, personally, right?

Like, there is a distinct strain of "own the libs" messaging, to be sure, but that is largely to shore up support among their own base. You, whichever marginalized identity or even just vague progressiveism you represent, are serving the same role that the Jews and Communists and Queer people served the Nazis. They just need a scapegoat, someone weak they can defeat to look strong and convince their base that something is being done. Making you feel bad is not, actually, the point.

But I see people saying that all manner of full blown legislative actions are "just a distraction", that "they just want to overwhelm you". And like...no. Trump does have goals. He is attempting to reorder the power structure of the globe, smash and grab and extort and put himself on top of, at the very least, North America, with Europe possibly pawned off to Russia to play with and with China contained as much as possible.

As part of that, yeah. They are attempting to eliminate the entire current civil government of the United States and replace it with one fully loyal to Trump so that when he inevitably refuses to accept the results of the next election, they wont remove him from power. This is all part of it.

The idiocy isn't an attempt to make you personally feel bad. I am trying to find a way to kindly tell you that you need to get over your main character syndrome and realize that they are not overthrowing the faux-peaceful post-war order of the globe to give you anxiety.

Take the Gulf of America thing. Was it just a "flood the zone" distraction? No. That doesn't mean it was a diabolical master plan, either. It was a symbolic spit in the face of Mexico, a country that they will almost definitely be invading within the next few years now that cartels are officially designated as foreign terrorist organizations. It also serves as a loyalty test. Google and Apple had to show that they are willing to go along with anything, no matter how stupid. They were. The Associated Press refused, and they've been barred from press access to the White House as a result. There will be hundreds of tests like this, and the punishments for being a normalass person will get progressively harsher and harsher.

Don't confuse the way that these actions make you feel, and the benefits that the administration wants from the way you feel, to lead you to the mistaken conclusion that these events are part of a huge plot, the entire purpose of which is to make you sad. Those feelings have no purpose. They aren't a victory for them if they trigger them in you, they aren't their goal, and they aren't something that you have to push down "or they win" or something.

Don't get sad. Get angry. Because they have a goal, and it's way, way worse than your anxiety.

[twopoppies]

Confession time no one asked for: I feel like I love a Louis that doesn't exist anymore... Or like I am clinging to a version of him that he himself has been denying or pushing away long enough for me to feel alienated. And obviously I don't really know him, he doesn't exist in my real actual life so I wouldn't really ever be able to know what he really is like as a person and that's how it's supposed to be anyway. So I am aware that what I love or relate to has always been more me than him if that makes sense, what feelings or ideas I have been projecting onto him. But it's also been kind of based on what he chooses to put out there and how much of himself he shows, even if it's glimpses.. And for so long I felt that what little glimpses I saw were raw and vulnerable and in any case they just allowed me to connect with him. Whereas now I feel that whatever reaches me is part of an image that might be curated, it might be all him and the person he has grown into, it doesn't really matter in the end since the result is the same. I just can't see what drew me so effortlessly to him in the first place, I am not even excited when I see him pop up on my dash and that is such a scary realisation for me. And yeah I know that to some people it might sound so silly, like how can you be affected by your fading adoration for someone who is essentially a stranger to you? But it's not like that is it? When you have spent years following them, rooting and caring for them, being invested in them and yeah loving them in that way you can love someone who you might not know but who has also found a way to carve a little place in your heart and warm it with their presence, their music, their personality... It's such a foreign feeling to me I find it so hard to accept that I might not care about him the way I did, that if I saw him now I probably wouldn't even give him a chance. It actually really hurts. Maybe he isn't the only one who's changed, maybe that's me as well. Maybe it's only me after all. There is just this empty space now where my excitement used to be and I don't know what I am supposed to do with it because let me tell you I don't know how to be a casual fan of him. I want to put a huge disclaimer here and say that this has nothing to do with possible stunts or his personal life and who he is or isn't with (my beliefs on that front have more or less remained the same). And I still believe he is a lovely, talented human being and I will always want what's best for him. I just also think that I have to accept he doesn't mean to me what he once did. Which... Ouch. Anyway all these are my own personal thoughts and feelings and I just wanted to share in a safe space 🩵

I think it’s honestly inevitable as we grow and change, that some things we once loved start to fade in importance. But it’s very hard to not feel impacted by that.

I feel like that about this fandom, as a whole. It’s been such an important part of my life for almost a dozen years. It’s fundamentally changed who I am. But it no longer makes me happy the way it once did.

I hope, with Louis, you can find a way to hold on to the parts you loved and still find joy in them. I’d imagine your shifting feelings are a bit of you outgrowing what his presence in your life meant for you. It’s natural. And it doesn’t mean he’s done anything wrong. I think it’s hard to expect that a person you don’t actually know, is going to grow and change in a way that you can relate to.

[ivesambrose]

ℜ𝔞𝔥𝔲 𝔦𝔫 𝔓𝔦𝔰𝔠𝔢𝔰 & 𝔎𝔢𝔱𝔲 𝔦𝔫 𝔳𝔦𝔯𝔤𝔬 𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔫𝔰𝔦𝔱 𝔪𝔢𝔰𝔰𝔞𝔤𝔢𝔰

October 30, 2023 — May 18, 2025

Pick the image you can submerge yourself into or can see yourself getting lost in or being a part of, that has your message.

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Picture 1

You'll look back at your childhood, early teen years or even the eras before you that you haven't lived and take inspiration from there when it comes to your creative expressions. Might revisit old films, old forms of media, music etc too.

You'll feel detached to modern life quite a bit. I believe for a long time you've been quite cynical since even the field of creativity moves too fast being heavily reliant on content generation so you had kept your hobbies aside till now or were worried about learning anything new and allowing yourself to develop in your craft.

However, you'll have this unabashed sense of confidence which comes from simply catering to that version of you that wants to find joy and awe in the arts and whatever makes you feel less doom and gloom.

You might adopt a pet or find yourself feeling closer to animals. Also, do not worry too much about your finances. They will pick up.

Some of you might rent out a place or move into a new house.

Some of you will have prospective romantic suitors or an existing relationship will bloom slowly but with assurance.

A word of advice is to invest your money properly and not mindlessly spend it at the same time the harder you hold onto it the quicker you'll find your funds decreasing. Find a middle ground.

Detachment from what you have pushed yourself to hustle for tirelessly for so long and allowing yourself to dream, explore, rest and take it slow is going to eventually bring you what you truly want without you having to lose your sanity in the process.

Picture 2

Life seemed to have been filled with toil and labour that may have been showing it's adverse effects on your health. That and the need to achieve perfectionism has been constant but the results have been futile.

Either you have been working towards something you're passionate about and will see the results finally come through or you'll finally find a reason to be passionate about or something that is worth the dedication and labour you put for the long haul and you'll appraise it's results by the middle or towards the end of this transit.

You may be realizing certain connections (likely romantic) however established will not be making it. But that's okay, you'll be eager to take steps towards a new direction even if the past seems to come snapping at your feet. (Literally, take care of your legs and feet.)

You'll also eventually be pushed to become your own boss and validation. Learn and break the cycles of your own deliberate ways of self sabotage. What does that bring? That success you have previously slaved away for.

When illusions and distractions fall away, true transformation occurs. A clear mind is a gift of it's own, a power you can confidently weild. You can finally move forward without the constant anxiety of looking back.

Picture 3

You've been impatient for your own metamorphosis, your rewards, your blessings as well as your rebirth. The previous month's felt like someone grabbed you by the head and pushed you down in an effort to make you sink at some point, you prayed that it's done with, just so the suffocation would end. That's exactly what has happened but you don't realize it yet, but will in the coming months, the old you is gone.

Some of you may be feeling drawn to dark Goddesses (learning about them or working with them however this applies to you)

You'll be pushed in the spotlight now, unknowingly, suddenly and inevitability. The metamorphosis is complete see? You haven't noticed but the people will. And although there are so many fulfilling offers both in career and love, why must you run from it? Maybe cuz you've chased all of this or wanted all of this for so long, now that it's here, you feel a sense of detachment. And although aloofness is soothing and maybe even attractive, live a little. In fact, you should unapologetically live out loud.

You have this pent up energy of wanting to beautify, nurture and bewitch everything and everyone around you and that you will, it will start with yourself first. A lot of you will venture into an artistic field that will require travel, travel in turn will also help you in connecting with your soul tribe. Listen to your heart a little more because you certainly love being in your head.

You've also been worried about your family, you'll see them happy and fulfilled.

There's so much to create, to achieve, to learn, to teach, to explore to give and to receive. So don't hold back.

Picture 4

Sometimes realizing that what you thought brought you joy because it looked exciting and good in the pictures was sucking you dry after all, can also feel like a heartbreak or an afternoon cry under the shower. You've been sick likely and devoid of true merriment. Perhaps some of you aren't as happy with the company you keep. Good thing is, that's about to change, even though at first it may not feel like it.

There's conflict internally and externally, it might bleed into your proffesional/academic life. Is everything really supposed to be competition? How much of your authenticity have you compromised so far?

I do see you managing your finances/material life/academics/work/business etc efficiently. Finally resting, recharging and looking after your well being too.

At some point you'll encounter someone unlikely who will feel like a guiding star to you and might end up being a friend, a muse, a mentor or lover and if you're lucky, all of them in one person.

You have courage but you also have Intuition and foresight, trust it, use it. So that the joy you feel and what you celebrate next, fills your soul not just your glass.

[zuppizup]

So, of all the things we saw in the trailer, I have to say, the tag line is what has me the most intrigued.

The Cosmic Order?

This is the first we’ve heard of anything like that.

With Book Six being titled Stars, I've been thinking a lot about how often the subject of destiny is mentioned in the show.

Callum’s spell book gives us the word association between the Stars and destiny.

But what, if anything, has destiny got to do with the so called Cosmic Order?

Kosmo's speech in the recent trailer gives some hints as to what this order might concern.

Worlds one and myriad.

Why do the Celestial Elves wear those blindfolds? Are they capable of true insight into other timelines or realities? Are the blindfolds functional or merely aesthetic?

Are we dealing with a multiverse versus (for want of a better term) some sort of Sacred Timeline?

If that is the case, where does Aaravos fall in all of this?

And what might any of this have to do with the current cast?

The character most associated with questions of destiny is obviously Callum. He wars with himself regarding following a set path versus choosing his own fate during his dark magic coma. Rejecting this apparent destiny is part of the spark that allows him the understand primal magic. If the show had ended in arc one, this would have been the resolution of this issue, however, with arc two, we see the subject of destiny arise once more.

During his possession by Aaravos, the subject of destiny comes up once again, with Aaravos blithely dismissing any agency Callum might actually have. While you could assume this is a reference to Aaravos making assumptions based on Callum’s character, given the recent references to the Cosmic Order, an intriguing possibility presents itself.

Does Aaravos, a Startouch elf, have some kind of divine knowledge of Callum’s future?

Or a likely future?

If destiny truly is currently a true and real thing in the world of the Dragon Prince, is is possible to challenge this destiny?

To defy it?

Rayla challenges this assumed fate both to Callum, but also in her own mind, in Chasing Shadows.

She truly believes Callum is in control of his fate, his destiny. When she tells him to choose another path, she clearly believes he is capable of doing so.

Will this conviction be the drive Callum needs to challenge a destiny others decree is written?

Where do I think this is going?

One of the things I really enjoy about The Dragon Prince is how it keeps me guessing. Sure, we do get set up and pay off, but the Mystery of Aaravos is aplty named. We still don't really know much, if anything, about his motives and goals.

In thinking about this Cosmic Order, in conjunction with Aaravos disdain for those he deems arrogant, I began this whole thought process thinking Aaravos wanted to challenge singular destiny/fate, but looking at his belief the inevitability of Callum’s fate, I’m not so sure any more. Did Aaravos try to defy his supposed fate and suffer his downfall as a result?

Thankfully, we have just over a week until we find out more, but one thing I very much am expecting is for the subject of fate and destiny to become a major plot point over the final two seasons.

[syntheticsystem]

How do you think it would go if thrawn opened up to Eli vanto about his sister (her original name when she was little would have been Vurika before it became Borika after she married the one guy ) & brother thrass ? Do you think Eli would try to ask about them (maybe wanting to know more about them or just curious about thrawn) or try finding thrawn missing sister when he’s with the Chiss?

ooh, so this is a difficult one because I don't think thrawn really would open up to eli about these things. however, if he did, then eli would absolutely want to know more. I just don't believe he'd know how to ask about it...

in general, I think eli is curious about both the chiss and thrawn's past. but... he refrains from asking about these things out of respect. these parts of thrawn almost feel taboo, since eli still believes he's an exile. it would be a similar case here: eli would be incredibly curious, but also a little worried that anything he says might push thrawn to silence. instead, he would probably just listen (very attentively), let him talk, then hope that another opportunity for thrawn to discuss it comes up. at best, he carefully prompts thrawn while he's talking, in an indirect way (hoping to keep him talking).

personally though, I find it likely that thrawn never opens up about these things. however... that doesn't mean eli can't find out about it all. once he's with the chiss, he'll inevitably end up learning more about thrawn; facets of him he's unfamiliar with. perhaps at first, thrass and the fact thrawn is a merit adoptive; later, about his upbringing on rentor, his old name, and at last vurika. I also think that learning all this HAS to change eli's view of thrawn. as much as he's a big grand admiral of a fascist regime now, he had relatively little autonomy earlier on in life. in a way, eli had more autonomy joining the empire than thrawn did the expansionary defense fleet. thrawn wouldn't seem as invulnerable as he believed, I think.

also, knowing he had another name (vurawn), how merit adoption works (based on potential or, basically, 'usefulness'), the fact he has/had a family left behind on rentor, plus how vurika was taken away, eli would find new sympathy for him. thrawn seems even more 'human' to him — no longer a mysterious exile, but just another person carrying the same losses, griefs, disappointments as anyone else.

either way though, eli is researching this damn blueberry to hell and back once he's landed up with the chiss. his sister, too. the mitth, merit adoptives, taharim academy. whether it's by asking ar'alani or sifting through results on his questis, he'd end up learning about this stuff, and it'd likely leave him feeling vaguely sad for thrawn. I can also see him investigating where vurika ended up, regardless of how he learns about her (or how successful he is).

anyhow, thank you as always for the ask! I was quite uncertain answering this one; as I usually make clear, I am no expert in thranto (and I know relatively little about the ascendancy trilogy)! I hope it is nonetheless a semi-satisfying answer :)

[everestgale]

Blink blink blink b

Can i ask what you think are some hobbies or just casual things the voices would enjoy?? if you don’t want to do all of them rn i would love to hear about skeptic’s (biased)

Ooooh, great question!!! Let me see:

For the purposes of it, I'm going to assume the "usual" scenario for my voices, which is typically some sort of post-Unknown Together ending world (so no Long Quiet). Some HCs are just entirely weird/vibes-based, so, uh, you've been warned!

Hero: Probably has the most random HCs of all my voices. For some reason, I tend to think of Hero as a writer and/or TTRPG enthusiast. He probably tried to DM a D&D campaign for his fellow voices. Regretted it after session 1 /hj

Stubborn: Not being super original here, Stubborn loves physical activity/fighting, but I also have a HC that Stubborn would enjoy occasional woodworking. He also self-appointed himself as Broken's personal coach, much to latter's annoyance.

Broken: My Broken has a mild case of chronic fatigue syndrome, and as a result, he prefers to stay indoors. I feel like he would enjoy origami and knitting/crocheting; he probably made himself a few scarves and sweaters.

Cold: He is an interesting one for me (he always is, such a conflicting character for me). I have a feeling on some days, he sees no point in "hobbies" and spends his time observing whatever other voices are doing with their lives instead. On others, he goes through about 18 different hobbies and odd jobs just to see if he finds anything that satisfies his curiosity. Whenever he does start a new hobby though, he is surprisingly good at it, a very fast learner... which is to his detriment because then he gets bored of it too quickly.

Paranoid: As the resident medic among the voices, Paranoid had to pick up gardening to grow some medicinal herbs. He initially hated it, but over time, he's actually grown to like it; it's quite theraputic. I think he would also enjoy realistic fiction or non-fiction reading.

Skeptic: I am convinced that Skeptic would be a linguistics nerd. Really into different languages and especially etymology. I think he would also enjoy journaling, specifically in shorthand (I stole that HC from a friend). No one else can ever read Skeptic's notes, and that's not even a joke-

That's all in addition to some occasional reading (especially mystery novels).

Smitten: Just like Paranoid is the resident medic, Smitten is the resident cook! And baker! And he is *very* good at what he does. He knows by heart everyone's favorite meals and desserts; he can make pretty much any dish if ingredients are available, and he can make a feast out of just potatoes (exaggerating, but not by much).

Yeah, the voices would all starve without Smitten /j

Opportunist: Oppy is a bit basic in terms of HCs and primarily enjoys some good card games. Even when he is not cheating, he is actually quite good at most of them, but of course, Opportunist knows very well how to sneak an ace or two if needed. I also think he would be a sort-of-collector (another HC stolen from a friend), specifically collecting small shiny objects like coins and jewelry.

Hunted: When he knows it is safe to be outdoors, Hunted just loves to spend time in nature. If not for his skittish nature, he would've loved anything camping. But as is, he enjoys bird watching and maybe photography. Please don't ask why photography, I've warned you that some of these are weird.

Cheated: Gamer Cheated is an inevitable HC for me: card games, board games, video games, anything, Cheated loves it all. Unfortunately, he is Cheated, and he very, very often loses. It is typical for him to play a game, lose badly multiple times, get pissed off at it, and swear to never play that game again. But then he plays it again two days later. For a more random HC, I feel like he would like either model kits or soldering.

Contrarian: He is definitely an artist, maybe a sculptor, and is actually, surprisingly, a really good artist. But only when he wants to be. And he pretty much never does, so he uses all his skill on intentionally terrible shitposts. Once a year or two, he will feel inspired and actually make an absolutely breathtaking masterpiece, before immediately returning to shitposts.

That should be all! These are not entirely set in stone either, it's more of my first instincts + silly memes, but it was still a lot of fun to think about! Thanks for asking!!!