#are like them so that makes them feel abnormal or different or unlovable but like. your people exist but they just might not be .... as

[warmspice]

3.? If you want

x Do you really think there is somebody for everybody?

mmmm kind of yes? I think there could potentially be? I don't believe in soulmates or anything like that but if I've learned one thing on the internet it's that many people have a large variety of tastes and there's honestly probably someone out there who will like you and the things that you do. Like statistically, there are so many people in the world that a person would be able to find people who are like them, or who like them for who they are.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

do you think there are similarities between Petunia & Lily and Sirius & Regulus' relationships? P and S are older siblings, and L and R are younger "golden childrens", because i somehow feel jealous in olders and incomprehension in youngers in both cases, plus youngers died earlier, actually due to Voldemort's fault

Like, yes, there are similarities, but I think it's the opposite sort of similarity.

Like, we know Lily was the golden child on her family:

Oh, she got a letter just like that and disappeared off to that — that school — and came home every vacation with her pockets full of frog spawn, turning teacups into rats. I was the only one who saw her for what she was — a freak! But for my mother and father, oh no, it was Lily this and Lily that, they were proud of having a witch in the family!” She stopped to draw a deep breath and then went ranting on. It seemed she had been wanting to say all this for years. “Then she met that Potter at school and they left and got married and had you, and of course I knew you’d be just the same, just as strange, just as — as — abnormal — and then, if you please, she went and got herself blown up and we got landed with you!”

(PS)

A golden child whose sister felt abandoned by. Which makes Petunia sound more like Regulus and Lily like Sirius.

I think, that when Sirius and Regulus were children before Sirius ran away, Sirius was the golden child, not Regulus:

“Well, anyway, he was a big pal of your father’s at school. The whole Black family had been in my House, but Sirius ended up in Gryffindor! Shame — he was a talented boy. I got his brother, Regulus, when he came along, but I’d have liked the set.”

(Slughonr in HBP)

He had the same dark hair and slightly haughty look of his brother, though he was smaller, slighter, and rather less handsome than Sirius had been.

(DH)

Regulus is consistently described as "less" than Sirius. Less handsome, and less talented, and I think that was true at home, too. I think the reason Regulus went all out on blood purity and the Black family pride was that he was the second best to everyone except Kreacher. He wanted to prove himself worthy.

I headcanon Sirius was Walburga's favorite child. Kreacher does say that Sirius leaving broke her heart:

“Master Sirius ran away, good riddance, for he was a bad boy and broke my Mistress’s heart with his lawless ways. But Master Regulus had proper pride; he knew what was due to the name of Black and the dignity of his pure blood...”

(DH)

Sirius, contrary to popular fanon, wasn't unloved at home. I think Walburga and Orion loved him. I think Walburga saw herself in him. I think leaving them, realising everything they stood for was wrong hurt Sirius as much as it hurt his mother. After all, in OotP we see he chooses to stay in his parents' bedroom in his depression, not his own. He left Regulus' bedroom untouched, like a mausoleum. He still misses them, he loved them, and it makes his story all the more heartbreaking. Because you can love people who are wrong and who you know have evil ideologies, it doesn't mean you stop loving them instantly.

So, I think there is more of a connection between Lily & Sirius — golden, preferred children who are different among their families. Lily is the only witch in her family, and Sirius is the only Gryffindor in his family. Both are the smarter, more talented, more attractive sibling. Both of them ended up leaving home, leaving their families, for James Potter.

Then, you have Petunia & Regulus — stuck being second best, craving their parents' love and affection. The less talented, less attractive sibling. Both stick as close as possible to their society's version of "normal" to get the affection and pride they crave. Both hang out with people who are probably more extreme in these views than them and are more violence-prone than them (Death Eaters, Vernon).

So, yeah, I think there are similarities, just, not quite the ones you illustrated.

[devildom-drabbles]

Snippet - Favorite Spots for Kisses

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, here's a headcanon of where on the body each of the brothers and dateables (minus Luke) like to kiss and be kissed by MC the most, with brief explanations for their reasoning. This is meant to be purely fluff, nothing suggestive. Enjoy! 💕

What are everyone's favorite spots to give and receive kisses with MC?

Give: Lips - A kiss in this spot is exclusive only to a close romantic partner, so Lucifer is filled with pride at being the one who can claim MC’s lips as his.  He pours his heart out into these kisses as well, no longer needing to restrain himself or keep up a stoic front since no one else is watching him.

Receive: Forehead/Temple - Whenever MC kisses him in this area, his headaches and fatigue practically melt away.  It puts him in a better mood and reminds him of just how much he loves and appreciates MC.

Give: Lips - When his words fail him due to his tsundere personality, kissing MC here allows Mammon to fully express the love he has for them.  He also has a habit of kissing repeatedly once he starts, even more so if he hasn’t seen MC in a while.

Receive: Jawline - He hates how much he loves this spot, especially if it’s a series of slow kisses that traces along his whole jawline.  At first he’ll be flustered by the act of affection, but as it goes on, he’ll never want it to stop, which is evident by how abnormally quiet he becomes.

Give: Cheek - It’s the easiest place for Leviathan to kiss MC since the two of them are side-by-side quite frequently (playing video games, watching anime, etc.). He’s also less likely to hurt them as much if he accidentally crashes his lips there out of nervousness.  

Receive: Forehead - He likes it when MC brushes his bangs aside to kiss him there, better revealing his eyes for when they gaze at him afterwards.  It makes him feel as though they don’t want him to hide away and that they want to see every part of him—even the parts of himself that he hates.

Give: Forehead - It’s readily available when MC is reading, studying, or cuddling with Satan, so it basically becomes a habit for him to kiss them there.  He especially enjoys doing it after he notices that they’ve fallen asleep next to him.  

Receive: Between his eyebrows - That’s where wrinkles form whenever he’s angry, but MC’s kiss there always manages to calm him (even if only a little) and help him refocus, thus smoothing out the creases.

Give: Everywhere All over MC’s face - Asmodeus just loves MC so much that it’s impossible to choose only one favorite place to kiss them, so the best he can do is narrow it down to their whole face. It always starts as a peck somewhere on their cheek, then a few more around that spot, and quickly progresses into peppering kisses everywhere, usually ending on their lips. No spot should be left unloved, if you ask him!

Receive: Lips - There’s lots of different ways to be kissed here, ranging from short and sweet to deeper and more passionate. He finds excitement in this variety and in wondering what kind of kiss MC will give him each time.

Give: Lips/Corners of mouth - This is the best area for Beelzebub to taste any traces of food MC has recently eaten, and it can actually ease his hunger for a while.  Sometimes, however, it can make him hungry for their affection instead.

Receive: Cheek - Kisses here never fail to put a smile on his face.  A good luck kiss from MC before a big Fangol game?  A quick peck because he looks like a happy hamster while he’s eating?  A kiss just because MC is passing by him?  They're all great to him!

Give: Neck - This is where Belphegor likes to bury his face while cuddling with MC, so it’s easy to kiss no matter how tired he is.  He also feels immense relief and gratitude in knowing that MC trusts him in this spot despite how he hurt them in the past.

Receive: Eyelids - He loves it when MC kisses him here to wake him up or wish him a good rest, as it makes getting up more bearable or gives him the best sleep he’s ever had.

Give: Crown of head - Diavolo enjoys cradling MC’s face in his hands so that he can place a kiss here.  Also, it demonstrates his love for the one who he hopes will someday wear a crown in that exact spot as they rule the Devildom by his side.

Receive: Anywhere Cheek - The demon prince is starved for affection, so he’s more than delighted to be kissed anywhere.  If he must choose, though, then he’ll pick his cheek because it gives him the opportunity to ask MC for two kisses (one for each cheek) and thus receive more of their love and attention.

Give: Back of hand - Barbatos commonly presses his lips here—which can include MC’s knuckles and fingers sometimes—as a greeting, a farewell, when making a promise, and even when MC just hands an item to him.  Ultimately, he uses this gesture to remind MC of his loving devotion to them no matter how busy he may become when serving Diavolo.

Receive: Forehead - It allows him a brief respite from his work since he usually has to pause whatever he’s doing for MC to kiss him there.  He especially likes it when MC’s hands cup his cheeks or gently move aside his bangs since he relishes their touch.

Give: Cheek - Simeon enjoys the warmth that radiates from MC’s cheeks and how it increases after he’s kissed them there a few times, even more so when MC is feeling cold and he’s able to provide them additional warmth through his kisses. He's most comfortable kissing here when others are around, as well. (Luke won't be as startled either if he happens to catch Simeon kissing MC on the cheek compared to their lips, for example.)

Receive: Tip of nose - His heart skips a beat whenever MC surprises him with a kiss here.  He can’t help but lightly chuckle afterwards and feel compelled to express his love for MC in his own ways in return.

Give: Shell of ear - Solomon will start off by leaning over to whisper a loving tease in MC’s ear and then kiss this spot before sauntering off as if nothing happened.  It’s perfect for making them blush and chase after him, which turns him into their sole focus.  (He’ll do this even if MC is deaf/hard of hearing because it’ll still prompt them to go after him and demand him to sign or write down whatever he just said to them.)

Receive: Lips - Kissing here is one of the more intimate gestures of affection, and it tells him that MC has chosen to love him over all the powerful beings who vie for their attention, which makes him happier than he’s ever been.

[walkingcorpse03]

Analyzing Songs Until They Are About Asexuality

(my pov at least as someone who is completely asexual) Victim 1: Pink Lemonade - The Wombats 

Another magical Friday night  I think I'll sit this one at home

Deciding to stay out of a relationship with people or choosing to sit out social normal because you feel abnormal, unlovable, like you’re wired incorrectly.

I don't want to be the blinking rabbit to your wildebeest  The jaded lover to a sex machine, you should go ahead

Not wanting to give into someone else's idea of love and normality, but also not warning to hold people back from their own sexualities.

And please give those recycled house tracks my warmest regards  And lock the door if you're home before the sun, oh

The feeling that your partner would be happier somewhere else, with someone else who can give them what they need and want, especially if in a relationship with an allosexual person. 

Pink, pink lemonade and  Does he kiss you till your lips explode?  Pink, pink lemonade  Does he take you places I can't afford to go?

“Places I can't afford to go” meaning boeing able to participate in sexual activities

The idea that you are unwanted because there are certain boundaries you have in place, that allo people can easily give up. 

Pink lemonade you know I, know behind that sugar there's only lies, lies, lies, lies

Young asexual people seeing sexual discourse as something they are supposed to feel, or even something you’re supposed to just deal with (mostly from a woman’s pov)

The disconnect between being told you’re supposed to feel something and not understanding why other people would want to in the first place.

“behind that sugar there's only lies” the sugar being sex, the lies being what people try to normalize.

So please give those recycled house tracks my warmest regards  And if you bring him home, can you use the spare bedroom?

Asexual people fearing that their non-asexual partners might get bored or cheat on them, but also understanding that they are just wired differently. 

And that's alright and that's okay  If I can write this song, I can play that game  And it's all good with me, if I know it's all good with you

Asexual people feeling almost hopeless, like the one boundary they have keeps them from feeling lovable in a world so focused on sex in relationships, thinking about giving up their boundaries for the sake of someone else. 

“If I can write this song, I can play that game” Knowing full well that you are asexual, but putting up an act for other people.

Cause getting lost in the middle of the inbetween  Is only half as frightening as it first may seem

Asexual people once they become aware and comfortable with their sexual identity, deciding that it’s okay to not fit into a social norm.

“middle of the inbetween” could refer to countless different positions on the ace spectrum, which makes it all the more confusing for people to figure out where their boundary is. 

[linkspooky]

Hello, I just wanna ask what are your thoughts on ObaMitsu from KnY?

Something I noticed with Iguro and Mitsuri is that in the final battle Iguro loses his eyes and Mitsuri loses her arms which Iguro's heterochromia and Mitsuri's freakish strength are major causes for their respective tragedies and even though Mitsuri cannot hold him and Iguro cannot see her they proclaim their love for each other, not letting their pasts define who they are but if it weren't for their pasts and their sadness they'd have never met.

I’m going to add onto another Anon’s thoughts in regards to Obamitsu, I believe the relationship between them was written as a tragic, unfulfilled love. 

In my previous meta I elaborated that both Obanai and Mitsuri believe deep down, they are unlovable people. What they’re fighting against isn’t really demons though, it’s their own feelings of self loathing that they externalize. Both of them have body features that resemble demons, Mitsuri is unnaturally strong like the demons in this world, whereas Iguro’s mouth was cut to resemble the snake demon that his family fed for generations. Both Mitsuri and Obanai have incredibly unhealthy self images, they don’t see themselves as humans, but rather as demons because of their unnatural bodies. 

They both live their lives defined by rejection, not acceptance. Obanai was first imprisoned by his family, then blamed by the sole living family member for the deaths of the rest of his family, because he was born as a sacrifice, because he was supposed to be eaten. Mitsuri’s arranged marriage rejected her because of her body, her strength, her hair. 

Both of them have been rejected all of their lives for features they were born with, Obanai was born to be a sacrifice, and born into a family that fed other people to a demon, and also planned on feeding him and he blames himself for being born that way. Mitsuri blamed herself for other people’s rejections, it was because she was so strange, it was because she had such a monstrous body. 

Their response to this is to try to hide themselves, their physical features, their deformities. They believe in a body like this, they could never be accepted as normal and because of that they have to do something to make up for it. Because they were born as abnormal, they can’t fix themselves in this lifetime, but they try to anyways. 

Instead of being themselves, they both want to be “normal”. Except they also both believe it’s impossible for either of them to live a normal life, Mitsuri because of her strength, and Obanai because he can’t be forgiven for the family he was born into. 

They’re both seeking love and acceptance for who they are, while at the same time they’re self sabotaging, neither of them really believes they deserve such a thing. That’s why they try to earn love by fighting. Mitsuri believes if she fights with the demon hunters she’ll prove she’s worthy of love, and Obanai believes that if he defeats demons he can at least make up for what he’s done in the past.

They can’t ever feel good inside about themselves, so they seek validation from outside. They try to do good deeds, they try to fight, to prove that they arebetter than they think they are. However, that’s a flawed premise to begin with for both of them, because love isn’t earned, it’s given. 

Mitsuri wants to be loved, and Obanai loves Mitsuri and wants to confess his feelings to her. It seems like a match made in heaven, no only that, but they already love each other for who they are, Obanai loves Mitsuri’s strong body, and Mitsuri sees through all of Obanai’s toxic facade and the mask he wears and believes he’s a good person. 

They already love each other, neither of them has to prove anything to the other. However, at the same time they can’t speak of their feelings. Why? It’s because deep down, both of them are too insecure to believe they deserve that love. They’re actually, too similiar. 

That’s why MItsuri and Obanai always add the caveat, I have to do this first, I can only love you in this world. 

Both of them kind of believe they can’t achieve love in this lifetime, and that’s what’s so tragic about it. Obanai has the wrong idea about Mitsuri to begin with, she wants to love him as he is in this lifetime, he doesn’t have to die to prove himself. 

And Obanai never once viewed Mitsuri as weak, or helpless, he just wanted to protect her because he believed she was more precious than himself. They’re so similiar in their flaws, that it causes a misunderstanding where they both keep throwing themselves into conflict to try to prove themselves and earn each other’s love when... neither of them loved each other for being strong or fighting demons. 

Mitsuri was always a normal girl, and always a strong girl in Obanai’s eyes. He fell in love with that person.

And Mitsuri always believed from the beginning that Obanai was a strong person, she always wanted to be around him despite what Obanai’s self loathing would lead him to believe that he’s not worthy to be around the people he loves. They were already in love, and they could have been their for each other in thi life, but it was too late by that point. 

Also, to add onto the anons point about how they couldn’t accept their pasts even though it made them who they were, and were the reasons they met they’re mostly right. As I’ve said this whole post, their self loathing makes it impossible for both characters to reconcile who they are now with who they were. It’s a shared flaw both of them have. They both try so hard to be a different person than who they were born as, they try to meet up in a different lifetime, ignoring the fact that this is the lifetime where they met. If they had not been born in this life, they never would have met, and never would have fallen in love. They both in a way contradict the theme of the series “you were born to be happy” because they’re both so self-defeating they don’t think they can be happy in this life, or ever happy with themselves.

I would also say their injuries are symbols of their self loathing, Mitsuri’s limbs get destroyed, and Obanai’s eyes get destroyed. Those were the features they hated about themselves the most, but loved about each other. Obanai admired her bottomless strength in loving others, and Mitsuri loved that he looked at her and accepted her. Therefore, they were wrong in seeking to destroy those parts of themselves. Mitsuri’s strength was a part of who she was, and what made her lovable, just as much as Obanai’s past and his eyes define the current kind person he is always trying to selflessly save others. 

[starshipsofstarlord]

First things First | Jack Kline & Peter Parker

Summary; Peter sees his ex back in town. Last time she was with her brothers, but this time, she has another companion. His name is Jack Kline, and he is her current boyfriend.

Warnings; some angst, jealousy, a bit of trash talk, smidge of violence, one swear word

���You’re back then.” Peter noticed, following you as you walked through the school halls, your head down as you attempted to ignore him. But however, you knew that you couldn’t pretend he wasn’t there forever, and so you softly sighed.

Last time, you hadn’t been in town too long, only a few weeks, cases were sprouting up left right and centre in Queens, and that was enough time for a relationship to briefly brew between the pair of you.

However, when the entourage of hunts came to an end, it had only been fair to cut sweet Peter loose, you hadn’t planned to return in any soon time. And here you were, a year in a half later, back in his hometown.

“You’re eyes are quite inquisitive, Parker, or do you need to ask me to put rock salt on my skin to prove that I’m not a ghost?” You barked back, which earnt yourself a confused frown.

“What?” He asked in reply, confused by your wording.

“Never mind, you wouldn’t get it.” You dismissed, having already had the intel and advice from your brothers that two different worlds didn’t mix.

Peter was but a boy, a smart one, but for all that you were aware, he lived a mundane life. He was bullied at school, but he had a couple of friends, Ned and MJ.

MJ. She had liked Peter before you had disappeared in the impala, it wouldn’t be a surprise if the pair were together now. He had wanted to forget you, for causing him so much pain, he deserved to move on, as you had.

“What I got was that you told me you loved me, and then you went with the wind, and didn’t look back, not once.” He bit back, his statement making your body feel heavy.

It was guilt, a familiar feeling for a hunter. It often came when a life was lost by the life of a monster, and this time, it had been the same. You had taken away the happiness from your own life, you were the beast that ripped out someone’s heart.

“I did, but that doesn’t matter anymore Pete, I’m in love with somebody else. There’s nothing that I am entailed from hiding from him, no secrets, I can be myself with him.” You pursed your lips, relieved that you had got that off your chest.

“You never had to have secrets! Your family business is what dragged us down in the first place, you feel the need to follow your brothers around the world, and for what? To end up alone and unloved?”

“I love her.” Jack entered the hallway, he had been at the front office, asking about the plumbing, he said he heard a noise. It was what the victim had said before he died, and so the spawn of Lucifer was now questioning it.

Sam and Dean were downtown, at some bar, it had been where the victim had been, with a fake id, before his body had been found in the school bathroom. This left the group of you spread out, and operating around the city, wanting to find the creature that had ended the boy’s life.

Jack’s voice had been friendly, as though he were informing Peter of your relationship status. Neither of them knew each other, so he found no harm in letting the public know of your intimate bond.

The nephilim was most often than not a free speaker, he found no foul in letting his mouth run. He was so innocent, so pure, and perfect, you were pleased that you hadn’t tainted him nor gained his spite like you had with Peter.

“Jack, this is Peter. I met him last time I was around here. Peter, this is Jack, my boyfriend.” It was an awkward introduction, you held your hands together, watching as Jack held out his hand for your ex to shake.

Peter hesitantly shook Jack’s hand, lightly glaring at the boy. “It’s nice to meet a friend of y/n’s, not many that she has are her age.”

“Thanks for that Jack.” You laughed lightly, holding sweetly onto his arm, as to ensure him that he had done nothing wrong.

“We’re not friends.” Peter corrected him, squinting at you. “She doesn’t like the idea of any relationship with me, so she can pass on friendship.” He gave you one last look, before he walked away.

“Hi.” Jack saw your ‘friend’ in the hall, whilst you were questioning some other students. Peter reluctantly turned, going face to face with your boyfriend and partner in justifying crime.

“Hey.” His head briefly leant back, curious as to why the new boy was speaking to him. “Jack, right?”

“Yes, that is my name.” Jack nodded with a smile, the adorable gap in his teeth presenting itself clearly. “Have you felt any cold spots here recently, or smelt sulphur by any change?”

His question made Peter frown, he gulped and thought before he decided to answer. “I don’t know why your going around asking questions, but I also do not know why you’re dating y/n. She’ll break your heart, it’s what she does.”

“The two of you don’t sound like very good friends.” He speculated, tilting his head like a puppy dog, his bright eyes filled with curiosity.

“We weren’t just friends Jack, I’m surprised she didn’t tell you about me. Maybe there was a reason for that, you should ask her.” Peter crossed his arms, taking note of how he seemed to have angered the other boy.

The son of Lucifer was inhaling and exhaling through his nostrils, he was attempting to remain calm. But he couldn’t, his eyes seared with their golden pigment, and upon witnessing, Peter’s eyes widened and he was fast to sling webbing towards the mutant.

But it had no affect, not as Jack’s mouth opened, and a scream on another wavelength , which happened to throw the spider man backwards into the row of lockers. This was not normal, and Peter worried for the reason that you had the company of such a creature.

“What the hell are you?” Peter asked, wanting an answer so he could figure out a way to defeat him.

“I’m someone that loves y/n very much. Don’t worry, we won’t be in town much longer.” And with that, the strange and peculiar being walked away, leaving Peter stunned. For once, he wasn’t sure how he would improvise.

“You know the boy’s toilets are for guys, right?” Peter asked later in the day, as he watched you, whom was drenched in water, leave said restroom.

“I am more than aware, thankyou for that reminder Peter.” Each footstep dripped water upon the floor. That ghost had been a bitch to send off, but to your relief, you had done so.

“What are you doing here, really?”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m going to be leaving tonight, I’ll be all out of your hair.” You spoke, trying to remain calm with your previous partner. “Have you seen Jack?”

“About that...” he noticed how you furrowed your brow with his words, and realised it would be better to get straight to the point. “He’s not normal, there’s something different about him. He’s dangerous.”

“I guess you witnessed something... supernatural?” He slowly nodded his head, thinking about how it could be considered as such. “Jack, he’s a nephilim, half angel, half human. That’s why I can’t stick around, my life is messy, and I have a duty to save people, you understand that, right?”

“Why would I understand that?” He hesitated, his voice stepping over his words in a worried stutter. “Angels?!” He repeated.

“Yeah, not every takes lightly to the news, and a bit of information; the majority are dicks.” You laughed, shoving your hands in your soggy pockets. “You really think I didn’t have a clue that I was dating a spiderman? I investigate abnormal occurrences for a living, it was quite easy to notice something was different about you.”

“So you look into things like cold spots and sulphur smells?” He remembered that was what Jack had mentioned earlier. Perhaps the possibility of angels wasn’t half crazy, the universe was expanding. It was certainly out there, but so was a talking, moving tree that enjoyed digital games and was experiencing puberty.

“Exactly.” You smiled, looking into his deep brown eyes, and finding some kind of peace between the pair of you.

“I think I saw Jack in the library.” He scratched the back of his neck, deciding to be a bigger person and give into the planet’s order.

“Thanks, see ya around Parker.” That expression you gave him shouldn’t have made him feel so giddy, he knew that this was another goodbye you were sending him. But the relief on your faces was beautiful.

You walked momentarily backwards, and he raised his hand in a signalled send off. He hoped that one day, he would see you again, maybe even with Blade as he killed vampires. Who knew?

One thing he was aware of was that you were happy with Jack, and that the two of you shared a life. You had an even amount of knowledge between you, and as much as Peter hated to admit it, you weren’t bound to leave the nephilim any time soon.

[alex-writes-things]

How to Write An Aromantic Or Asexual Character

Right, so, I already made a post on this last summer. However, I’ve realised that it wasn’t very accurate, and since there were so many suggestions in the comments I’ve decided to make a new, improved version. I hope you find this helpful and enjoy including some excellent representation!

This is using my own experience, notes from others, and my research on the topic. I’ve spent many nights twisting and turning and researching different orientations and labels that could fit me, and although now I’ve decided on queer (though I’m openly acespec) that research has come in handy!

What does ‘aromantic’ mean?

Someone who is aromantic feels little to no romantic attraction or desire. They may be romance repulsed, but not always. 

What does ‘asexual’ mean?

Someone who is asexual feels little to no sexual attraction or desire. They may be sex repulsed, but not always.

Is that it?

No! There’s a whole massive spectrum of identities that fall under the aspectrum, including demisexual, demiromantic, greyromantic and greyromantic (but there are many more than this). Definitions for these can be found online, and on social media accounts dedicated to aro/ace experiences, such as @justaroacethings or you can ask me!

Struggles related to asexuality and aromanticism

I think my asexuality was and is the hardest thing to come to terms with about my sexuality and identity. Most days, it’s something I’m proud of, and though I don’t shout about it, and I haven’t told my family, it actually makes me quite happy.

If you’re not aromantic or asexual or somewhere on the spectrum yourself, while I urge you to have aro and ace characters in your stories, please avoid writing a story about these experiences. However, it’s important to know what can be hard for us! Amatanormativity and allonormativity make us victims, and teach society that we are inhuman, and teach us that we aren’t acceptable. This is wrong, but it is something many of us struggle with and it doesn’t hurt to mention in the story!

HOWEVER: WE ARE NOT INHERENTLY SAD OR ASHAMED. BEING ARO/ACE IS COOL AND A LOT OF US ARE PROUD, SO PLEASE, HAVE A PROUD CHARACTER, BECAUSE WE NEED MORE OF THOSE!

Don’t aspec people get lonely?

Well, firstly, romantic and sexual relationships aren’t the only kinds of love and aren’t the only sources of happiness! We can have friends, family, pets, and date (yes, even aromantics, because attraction doesn’t equate to action) and there are also things called QPRs (queerplatonic relationships) which are really cool and might be good to look into!

Do’s for writing aromantic characters

- let them have friends and family and people around them that they love or that love them

- state that they’re aro, if they know and the world is one in which aromanticism is known of. if not, let them describe their feelings! even if there’s no word to describe it, it’s not too difficult to communicate!

- consider whether they feel awkward in romantic situations, and whether they’ve had a relationship in the past, whether it failed, made them realise they were aro/arospec, or even if it worked!

- you don’t need to include the hardships they face, but if you think you can do that well and it will add to the story ask me or an aro/ace friend to have a look over it!

- remember that they can still experience sexual attraction!!

Don’ts for writing aromantic characters

- don’t make them sad and lonely. this enforces amatanormativity and the idea that you need romance to live a happy life!

- they don’t need to be afraid of affection and physical contact. i’ve met aros who only felt repulsed by these things when clearly they were romantic gestures.

- don’t make being aromantic their only personality trait

- please don’t enforce the stereotype that they are rude and unloving- this isn’t true. 

- don’t make them hate themself for being aro. this is harmful and although is sadly sometimes the case, it’s not something we need to see in fiction

Dos for writing asexual characters

- give them a romantic partner if that’s something they want

- remember that while some aces are sex repulsed, not all are, and we aren’t necessarily scared of sex!

- once again, give them friends and family too if they want that!

-  state that they’re ace, if they know and the world is one in which asexuality is known of. if not, let them describe their feelings! even if there’s no word to describe it, it’s not too difficult to communicate!

- consider how they may feel in intimate situations 

Don’ts for writing asexual characters

- don’t make them afraid of physical contact

- don’t make them sad and lonely because of their asexuality

- don��t make being ace their only personality trait

- don’t sexualise or fetishize them (or anyone!!)

- don’t focus on how ‘abnormal’ they are, because it’s not true! 

What is repulsion like?

Repulsion can be nausea, anxiety, feeling uncomfortable, feeling irritated or frustrated, or an urge to run away etc. There’s not only one way to experience this. 

Conclusion

Everyone experiences being on the aspectrum so differently- these are just some tips to help you better understand these identities and hopefully better your representation and make a deep, inoffensive aro/ace character!

[manie-sans-delire-x]

My thoughts/analysis of We Need to talk about Kevin

From abnormal psych class paper:

The character I chose to analyze and diagnose is Kevin Khatchadourian from the 2011 film, We Need to Talk about Kevin. Brilliantly depicted by star Ezra Miller and various other child actors, Kevin is an angry, emotionally detached boy who struggles in his complex relationship with his mother. We see the unhealthy relationship develop between the two through-out the film as Kevin grows from a baby to a young man, ending in tragedy as Kevin achieves his ultimate revenge against his mother by massacring the rest of their family as well as several classmates in a school shooting.  

After carefully noting Kevin’s behavior and the way he and his mother Eva interact when he is a young child, I have decided to diagnose Kevin with reactive attachment disorder (RAD). The diagnostic criteria from the current Diagnostic and Statistical manual (DSM-5) for RAD reads as follows: 

A. A consistent pattern of inhibited, emotionally withdrawn behavior toward adult caregivers, manifested by both of the following: 

1. The child rarely or minimally seeks comfort when distressed. 

2. The child rarely or minimally responds to comfort when distressed. 

B. A persistent social or emotional disturbance characterized by at least two of the following: 

Minimal social and emotional responsiveness to others 

Limited positive affect 

Episodes of unexplained irritability, sadness, or fearfulness that are evident even during nonthreatening interactions with adult caregivers. 

C. The child has experienced a pattern of extremes of insufficient care as evidenced by at least one of the following: 

Social neglect or deprivation in the form of persistent lack of having basic emotional needs for comfort, stimulation, and affection met by caring adults 

Repeated changes of primary caregivers that limit opportunities to form stable attachments (e.g., frequent changes in foster care) 

Rearing in unusual settings that severely limit opportunities to form selective attachments (e.g., institutions with high child to caregiver ratios) 

D. The care in Criterion C is presumed to be responsible for the disturbed behavior in Criterion A (e.g., the disturbances in Criterion A began following the lack of adequate care in Criterion C). 

E. The criteria are not met for autism spectrum disorder. 

F. The disturbance is evident before age 5 years. 

G. The child has a developmental age of at least nine months. 

Specify if Persistent: The disorder has been present for more than 12 months. 

Specify current severity: Reactive Attachment Disorder is specified as severe when a child exhibits all symptoms of the disorder, with each symptom manifesting at relatively high levels. 

Kevin displays behavior that meets both criteria A and B. As a baby he cried constantly, reportedly even when held, showing an inability or unwillingness to be soothed. As a toddler he shows defiance, disinterest in social interaction, and a refusal to engage in play, such as when his mother is attempting to play with a ball with him and he refuses to roll the ball back or respond in any way, instead staring at her with a sullen expression. Kevin also refuses his mother’s pleas to say the word “Mommy”. As a slightly older child, Kevin continues to act defiantly and shows anger, ripping up the paper when his mother attempts to school him, immediately soiling his newly changed diapers on purpose, throwing food against the wall and onto tables, breaking his crayons, making nonsensical noises to irritate his mother, and destroying his mother’s artfully decorated room. When he is taken to the doctor to be examined, he shows no expression, does not speak, and stiffens his body. When his baby sister is born, he purposefully sprinkles water onto the newborn, causing her to cry. It should be noted however that in one instance Kevin seems to relax his cold exterior and accept comfort from his mother, shown by the scene in which he falls ill and cuddles with his mother while she reads him a story. He even apologizes for her having to clean up his throw-up. Unfortunately, as soon as he is feeling well again he is back to being rude and rejecting any attempt of hers to take care of him, refusing her help to change his clothes.  

As for criteria C, although Kevin has not experienced extreme abuse or neglect, I believe Kevin suffered from a traumatic birth as it was mentioned that his mother was resisting. His mother Eva did not desire a child, especially not one as difficult as Kevin, so she emotionally neglects him and is cold to him. Eva makes it very clear to him that he is unwanted, telling him straight to his face that she was happy before she gave birth to him and not correcting him when Kevin mentions that Eva does not like him. In one instance, she is accidentally too rough with him and breaks his arm, which Kevin later refers to as being the most honest thing she ever did. Kevin also meets the criteria of D through G, and his symptoms are persistent. I would say Kevin has moderate to severe symptoms as he does exhibit all listed symptoms quite regularly.  

I believe Kevin’s psychological problems may also have developed into conduct disorder (CD) as an adolescent and then antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) or psychopathy in adulthood, especially after taking into consideration the mutilation of his sister’s eye and the killing of his sister’s guinea pig, his father, his sister, and several classmates. He shows no guilt or empathy, appears to have shallow emotions besides anger, and shows no evidence of having affection or emotional bonds to anyone. He is also very manipulative; putting on a fake act of normalcy for his father, turning his parents against each other, and navigating the legal system to get his best outcome. However, I know that children with RAD can also be violent and if not treated, behave in a way very similar to conduct disorder in adolescence and ASPD or psychopathy in adulthood. The main reason I chose to focus on RAD over CD or ASPD is because I believe the root of Kevin’s problem is immense pain at being rejected and unloved as a child and that he harbors a deep desire to have that connection but is unable to accept affection.  He is so focused on and consumed by his anger towards his mother, while someone with true psychopathy may be more detached and indifferent. I also leaned more towards RAD given that he showed symptoms from such a young age and did not seem to have any problems outside of his issues with his mother, such as acting out in school or engaging in petty, impulsive crime. I do wish that the film showed more of his interaction with his peers. Lastly, I felt RAD was a more accurate choice because of the subtle signs of it that are associated more with RAD than CD, such as stiffening his body when others try to hug him, making nonsensical sounds, and not making eye contact as an infant, although that may not have been intentionally put in the film. Either way, his parents certainly needed to talk to professionals about Kevin when he was a child. Had they done so, perhaps they could have prevented the tragedy of both his life and the pain he inflicted on others.  

Response to tumblr ask:

I agree! I would have loved to see how he interacts at school, what he does when he’s alone and has spare time, and more of his childhood.

I think he had multiple reasons:

1- To make his mother suffer since he obviously has a lot of anger and resentment towards her

2- Because he doesn’t feel much positive emotion and gave up on ever feeling pleasure or enjoyment from regular life. Normal life is incredibly boring for him. He wanted to DO something- real, meaningful, make something happen. He wanted to Live. I very much relate.

3- He enjoys the attention he gets from it.

We talked about this in my forensic psych club- whether we should give interviews and all this attention to violent criminals. Our society is fascinated by them to the point where we make movies and books. People sell and collect memorabilia. They have fan-girls writing love letters and showing up to their court sessions, even fighting each other over them. It’s pretty crazy. But on the other hand, it’s important that we study them. Or is it? There’s a debate about everything.

4- His philosophy and world view. 

He is very nihilistic, he doesn’t believe life “means” anything and right/wrong doesn’t exist/is just a matter of opinion or viewpoint. His actions don’t really matter either, nothing does. I used to think exactly like he did when I was a teen, and I still do in a way.

As for your last question, it’s easy to forget one way of thinking when you’re in another. It’s hard to remember how one state was when you’re in a different one. Also, as shitty as outside life can be, life in prison is even shittier. Makes you appreciate the ability of choice and being able to do things, even just to walk around outside or buy an icecream cone. He was also only 15 at the time of the crime, and in the last scene he’s 18. A lot of chemical changes and neural development happens in that time. He matured- his way of thinking about himself, the world, and the others around him changed.

[strawberrylemonz]

Brothers

Part 7

Part 8 [CURRENT]

Part 9

@lynn-draws-blog @artistconk @snapdragonfirefly @bargledblocks @abnormal-normality

“Floris, please eat your-”

“Nnnn!”

“I know you want solid food, but your teeth haven’t fully grown out yet!”

“Nnnnnnnnnn!”

“C’mon, even Tommy was more lenient when he was your age.”

“L, she just likes me better.”

“She’s eight months, she doesn’t know what she likes.”

“If I recall, you would boast about how much I liked you.”

Techno grimaced as more mashed potatoes and mashed carrots were flung onto his face, the kit’s cries growing louder as humanoid paws hit the table over and over again. Floris wailed as she tried to wiggle herself out of her high chair, ignoring her own hunger in her discomfort. Tommy, who was recovering from laughing, snatched the spoon from Techno’s grasp. 

“Watch and learn, Dadzo.” 

An annoyed expression covered the king’s face as he watched Tommy quiet the child down, encouraging her to eat her food. He watched the wails die down, replaced with giggles and claps after every bite. 

“Here comes the minecart! Yay! We hit the jackpot! Go Floris!”

“I still don’t know how you knew to do that.”

“Deo was babysitting for his neighbors the last time I went. I just decided to copy him.”

Techno just snorted as he grabbed the nearest napkin, wiping off the food from his face. Smiling in amusement as Tommy tried to duck away from his head pat, Techno stood put and made his way to the doors. 

“I’ll get a bath started, she’s going to need one.”

“I think all three of us are going to need one after this.”

________________________________________________

“You need to get dressed, Floris. You can’t celebrate your second birthday in your underwear.”

“Noooooo!”

“What do you mean?”

Tommy and Techno shared exasperated looks as they struggled to get the toddler dressed. The king had tried everything he could, but the child refused to wear any of her dresses. As he dug through her wardrobe, searching for another dress, Tommy took his turn to try and coax his niece into an outfit. 

“C’mon, you’ll catch a cold if you wear nothing!”

“Noooo!”

“Floris-”

“No!”

Tommy groaned as he let the toddler go, watching as she scrambled to hide underneath her bed. It was no use! No matter what they tried, they couldn’t get Floris to put on any of her dresses. If this continues at the same rate, they’ll be missing out on her birthday breakfast. He just didn’t understand what they were missing! They went through all the dresses made for her, and none were enough to get her in a happy mood. She didn’t seem to like any of her dresses-

She didn’t like her dresses.

“That’s it!”

“Huh? What’s it?”

Without another word, the twelve year old scrambled to his feet, nearly slipping as he ran out the toddler’s room. Techno rolled his eyes at the sight, returning his attention to coaxing the fox hybrid out from under her bed. Just as he was about to resort to begging, the sound of footsteps and the smell of flowers and wood alerted him to Tommy’s presence. Turning around, he raised an eyebrow upon seeing folded clothing in his arms. Tommy just shrugged as he sat before the bed, peeking underneath it in order to meet the eyes of the toddler. 

“Floris? Can you come out? You don’t gotta wear your dresses, I actually have something different for you.”

“No dress?”

“No dress.”

Techno and Tommy both let out a breath of relief the moment two tiny paws stuck out from beneath the bed, tiny ears and curled red hairs following in suit. Finally out, the child huffed as she warily watched the older boy, who gave a reassuring smile. Crossing her arms, she watched him with uncertainty. Letting out a laugh, Tommy unfolded the first part of the clothes, holding it up for the girl to see. 

“This is the suit I wore back on my second birthday. If you want, you can wear it for yours.”

Techno and Tommy couldn’t help but give genuine smiles when they saw the girl relax, eyes widening in astonishment. After receiving a nod of reassurance from both of her family members, she hesitantly touched the sleeve of the suit. Astonishment morphed into excitement and joy. Jumping to her feet, she squealed as she hugged the older boy.

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you!”

“Yeah, yeah. Now go get dressed! I’m a starving kid who wants breakfast!”

“Aye!”

__________________________________________________

“Well, we think it’s cool that you learned to sew.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! That’s a useful skill, Tommy!”

Tommy snorted as he walked alongside the water, Deo, Luke and Bitzel all joining him. He watched as Deo plucked a smooth stone out from the sand, skipping it across the water. The other boys cheered as they picked up stones of their own. Soon enough, all four were skipping stones across the calm waters. Halfway through their activities, Deo’s voice broke the comfortable silence. 

“So, Toms, how are you feeling? Fourteen, sheesh. You’re nearing adulthood.”

“I know, right? I’m an even bigger man now! Floris had a matching suit made so that she can be just like me.”

“Cute. What do you want for your birthday?”

“Well, I was talking to Pops, and he agreed that I can ask Floris if she wants to be an official part of the royal family.”

“Really? That’s great! You’ll finally be an official big brother!”

Luke and Bitzel voiced their approval through cheers and more stone skipping. The four sat there for another hour, only to stop their conversation at the sound of hooves and wheels. Looking back at the road behind them, they waved as the approaching horse-drawn carriage came to a stop. Standing on their feet, the four of them made their way to the carriage, who’s door just opened. Climbing in, Tommy yelped as he was tackled into a hug, his friends climbing in behind him with greetings. 

“Floris! Let me sit down first!”

“Hehe!”

Techno snorted as he waved to Tommy’s friend. After assuring that everyone was ready, he called for the carriage to begin moving. 

“Happy birthday, Toms!”

“Thank you! How’s my favorite girl?”

“...Uh- good!”

Everyone furrowed their eyebrows as they watched the three year old fiddle with her fingers, the excitement she displayed now gone. The five exchanged concerned looks, having a silent conversation with their eyes while the child stared down at her hands. After they all realized that none of them knew what was wrong, Techno bit the bullet and cleared his throat. It was time to be a dad once more. 

“Floris, what is it, kit?” 

Techno hated the feeling of his little ones feeling unhappy and unloved. He hated every bit of it with Tommy, and he hates it just as much with Floris. 

“Can I tell you guys something?”

“You can tell us anything.”

“I don’t want to be Floris anymore. I don’t like being Floris.”

Everyone was silent as they watched the child, who refused to look up from her hands. Not wanting to cause a panic, Tommy spoke up.

“Can you explain?”

“I know that I’m supposed to be Floris, but I don’t wanna be. I don’t feel like Floris. I don’t feel like a girl. I wanna be a boy. I’m sorry for ruining your birthday, Tommy. Please don’t be mad at me.”

“Mad? No, we could never be mad at you for this. And you didn’t ruin anything.” “Why didn’t you tell us this sooner?” “I was scared you’d leave me like my parents did.”

He was surrounded in seconds. Everyone in the carriage did their best to reassure him that they wouldn’t leave him. Hugs and head scratches occurred, making the hybrid giggle in delight. Wiping his tears away, he peered up at Techno, who snorted as he gave a reassuring head pat. 

“There’s no way you’re getting rid of us that easily. We’re a family made through bonds, bonds that can’t be broken so easily. We’re not going anywhere.”

“So, what is it then?”

Confusion painted the boy’s face as he faced Tommy, who was watching him with interest. 

“What is what?”

“You’re name, doofus. You said it yourself, you’re not Floris. Who are you?”

The group watched as the boy hummed to himself, getting lost in thought. He peered up at one of the windows, studying his reflection. Giving himself a small nod, he sat back down before confidently declaring:

“Fundy. I’m Fundy.”

“Alright, Fundy it is!”

“Hey, Tommy? Does this mean I’m one of the boys now?”

“Fundy, you’ve always been one of the boys.”

[peterpan-ouat-imagines]

I love you, I hate you- Part 2

Felix telling me that Pan is seeing another girl puts a million thoughts in my head. Does he like her? Why does he feel the need to see and be with her when I’m here? Am I not pretty enough? Or good enough in general? I get worried not knowing what this means. But I don’t get why this is being shared with me either.

“Why are you telling me this? Pan trusts you, he would be livid if he knew you were telling me that kind of information,” I ask not thinking his head is clear.

“I am telling you this because I care about what happens,” he answers. Why does he have to be so freaking vague about everything? ‘What happens’ could mean anything! Ugh.

I try to pry him for more information but he doesn’t budge anymore. Breakfast comes to an end and we all clean up. I go to the medical hut to change my bandages. When I unwrap it, mine now looks terrible. It’s red and goopy and there’s some black cracks up my arm too which is abnormal unless it’s poisoned but we don’t use dreamshade to hunt so it isn’t that concerning. I go to find rubbing alcohol to try and disinfect it but there’s none. I wipe it up some so it’s less messy and put on fresh bandages this time wrapping it tighter than before because I’m still distracted by who this Wendy is and the amount of pressure I use shows that. It pinched my skin so much it hurts.

After it’s taped down I go outside and Felix tells us that we are going to practice sparring and tells us to partner up. I grab a stick and go to my friend Joe and we start doing it. We start fighting just as we normally would. He takes things up a level by going for my legs which obviously I jump for. I do the same and swing my stick at some of his weak spots and he reacts falling a couple times but good overall.

“Joe, go to Lee, I would like to practice with y/n,” Pan says in a business like tone. He nods and goes to the end.

“Pan!” I beam, “I missed you so much!” I exclaim and hug him. I then have the after thought of how he was with someone else and let go and step back quicker than I normally would.

“I missed you too,” he kisses me, “I’m sorry I left without saying anything,” he tells me.

“It’s fine,” I tell him not asking where he went. After a small awkward silence I talk again, “How was it?” I ask wanting to know if being with that other girl was horrible or not.

“It went fantastic. Who I saw was very interesting and I definitely will be going on a trip to see them again soon,” my heart drops when he says that. He likes her, I’m no longer the only girl in his life. Where will I go now? Neverland is for those who are lost and unloved but I feel incredibly more lost and unloved right now than I ever did back home.

We start to spar but I’m too distracted by what he told me to focus on fighting. Within the first 10 seconds he knocks the stick out of my hands.

He looks at me weird, “What’s gotten into you? You were fighting just fine moments ago,” he asks me.

“Just the excitement of having you back,” I lie with a fake half smile. I don’t care if I’m overreacting I feel like I belong on that floor for not being good enough for him.

I fight with him the rest of the time trying to keep my mind focused but it works less than I would hope for it to.

After the morning session he leans in and whispers, “now how about we spend the day doing some stuff to help you relax. You look as if you need it,” as he trails his fingers up and down my back.

I step away uncomfortable doing anything of the sort with my current knowledge, “That’s a nice offer but I’m okay. I had some plans today,” I tell him, “With Lee,” I add on wondering if some jealousy will get him back to wanting me and forgetting about that slut.

He looks confused but not jealous of any sort, “Alright then,” he tells me and then goes his own way.

I stand there lost wondering if he’s being a stupid boy not taking a hint or if he really doesn’t care. Either way I might as well give him attention and maybe flirt a little in front of Pan with him to try to get what I want.

I sit with him at camp all day being real close having Pan glance over at us occasionally unphased even when I try to flirt. He doesn’t flirt back which I didn’t expect because I thought I’ve seen enough signs for him to be into this. After a good couple hours of it I give up and go for a walk alone. I stumble upon Felix again and we get to talking.

“Pan had the best time with her, he plans on going back! I flirted with Lee all day and he didn’t say or do anything!” I tell him.

“Why do you think I care? Isn’t that what your mermaid friends are for? Anyway if you want my advice, do it with someone intimidating not Lee,” he shares.

“My relationship is over,” I state even though Pan hasn’t said it I know inside.

As the day comes to an end people are playing dumb stuff around a fire. I join in and drink. They seem to be playing truth or dare. I just want to forget about Wendy and how Pan left for the night again and get really drunk knowing something bad will happen.

“Y/n, truth or dare?” I’m asked.

“Truth,” I answer.

“Tell everyone what you think of Pan keeping on leaving for the girl in London,” the guy asks.

“Everyone knows about that?” I ask embarrassed. They nod saying they are surprised I found out. Having the alcohol hit me and soon to be regretful words, I pour out everything, “Well I’m pissed as fuck! I’m his girlfriend he should only want me! If he does whatever he wants what’s stopping me from sleeping with one of you? He wouldn’t care!” I see I sparked some of the lost boys interest when I said that as they lean in, “I just want him to want only me not that slut that is in a different realm!” I huff mad.

We play more rounds and I finally choose dare, “I dare you to makeout with me,” Sam sitting next to me says scooting closer, definitely thinking of the slutty comment I said earlier. Feeling so vulnerable and unloved I get ready to lean in to do it. Before I can move my head Felix comes and takes me away to Pan’s cave.

“What was that for? I was going to!-“ I begin lazy.

“I don’t care what you were going to do! I have a job and that’s to keep you safe while Pan is away! And that includes not fucking any lost boys out of anger!”

I turn away from him angry once he goes I feel my injured arm have this horrible pain that’s unlike anything but I’m too drunk and tired to check on it and I fall asleep.

I wake up the next morning with a raging headache and do the regular routine. I hunt with a group of people that’s not Lee for a change. They start talking about what happened last night as we climb in a tree.

“I can’t believe I said all that. Did Sam really try to kiss me?” I ask and they nod and I’m humiliated. I try to spear a boar distracted by something new and miss, it runs off. Rich does it correctly to another one and we carry it back.

I sit next to Felix, “Thanks for having my back last night,” I tell him.

“Just doing my job,” he tells me and sips water.

I sit with him in silence as we both eat.

Felix tells us we will not have a morning practice session and I go back to sleep this hangover off some more.

When I walk in the cheating Peter Pan is standing there.

“Hey,” I tell him holding my head.

“Hey darling how are you?” He asks.

“Exhausted. I got a raging hangover because I was stupid and let the guys rope me into drinking way beyond my normal limits,” I groan.

He comes over and helps me lay down, “I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?” He asks being genuine.

“Just some water is fine,” I say. He goes to get some and I look at my arm and even though it’s oozing some I don’t want to get anyone involved and I put on a jacket to hide it.

He comes back with what I asked telling me to get some rest and to call if I need anything that he will be in the tent he does business in.

I nod and sip the water and watch him as he goes. I lay down for several hours left with all my thought in my head I’ve had the past 24 hours. I can’t lose him though. I have to try to win him so I’m the only one he wants.

I go to his tent and see him standing there looking at pieces of parchment, “What are you looking at?” I ask poking my head behind him.

“I’m making a deal with Hook so he continues doing my dirty work,” he tells me.

“What if we do some dirty work?” I whisper and move my hand down to his crotch area and kiss his neck.

I can tell he’s smirking from the corner of my eye and he turns to me, “I’d love to do some dirty work with you,” he whispers back, “but I must finish this. I will later I promise. I do want to,” he kisses my cheek.

“You aren’t going to London? I mean away again tonight?” I correct myself because he does not know I know everything.

“No. I have more important things here. Like you,” he smiles which makes me smile feeling better about my place.

I leave his tent and go to see the mermaids and tell them everything that’s been happening and ask for there incite.

“You’re reading into it Pan loves you he would never cheat,” Serena tries to assure me.

“I don’t know. Two nights in a row on his “business trip” and if Felix of all people say that it’s true it probably is. He doesn’t bullshit stuff,” Alice tells me sounding sceptic.

They go back and forth defending there reasons leaving me confused.

“I still think Lee likes you. Grabbing you by the waist? And not moving his hands once your in a safe spot? That sounds so sexy!” Alice tells me.

“But that doesn’t explain why he didn’t flirt with me,” I tell them.

“He probably knew Pan was there and got nervous. Isn’t he shy? You might have to get him alone,” Serena suggests.

I think about it realizing that actually could be really true, “Thanks girls this has helped a lot,” I head out and find Lee.

He’s sitting around the camp. Right by the tent Pan is in lucky for me. I go to change my nasty bandages for my horrific arm and come back out, “Hey Lee,” I say right by the nylon outside of Pan, “Do you want to get out of here? For a walk in the woods or beach maybe?” I ask. I put my hand on his arm hoping Pan is looking at our shadows.

“Yeah. He smiles. That sounds nice,” he stands up and we walk into the trees. I look back briefly and see Pan staring at us starting to hide in some bushes not far away with a jealous look and I smirk.

[yanderecandystore]

Can we have more yandere cheater please?

I hope you don't mind if I present a new oc, I may not use her much, since I'm using her mostly for this one piece. Maybe in the future I can make a more appropriate introduction.

The Unloved fanfiction that I made didn't have any specific character description as it was mostly a concept, but for the sake of this fanfiction, I'll need a character so it doesn't take too much of my brain cells (I have none left ;-;). Also, it is low-key a different story from Unloved.

Also-also, I'm so sorry for taking such a long time to respond ;-;. I wanted to make a fanfiction rather than a headcanon.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

The vixen walking around at night - [Yandere!Cheater x Reader - Fanfiction]:

How long have you been inside this room? How much time have you spent on crying your ass off and how long do you plan on continuing to do so?

You have locked yourself in your room and don't really plan to come out any time soon.

Your friends have called you, your parents have called you, even your pet has started giving you concerned looks!

How have things gone this way for you? Everything was going fine, everything was fine, at least you thought so! You started dating one year ago the most beautiful woman you have ever met!

It all started when a woman named Hayami went to the same club as your friend had obligated you to go with them. Yeah, you remember being a little of a shy wallflower, it was that night that you started interacting more with people.

And that change in character was because of her, Hayami. A asian woman with long black hair with white locks. A really fashionable person in your opinion, you remember seeing her from afar, dancing with a friend of hers, a chubby man with a more orange hair color.

Whoever saw them at that club would instantly be mesmerized by his cyan eyes and her pink ones, which were probably contact lenses, but you never actually asked her about it. You never seen her not wearing those, but oh well-

You didn't think you were staring at her as much as you were, you only realized it when she came and introduced herself to you. You were nervous of course, you thought she was going to be mad at you for being so weird around her, but she didn't really mind.

She was oddly playful with you, flirting with you and stuff. You weren't really there to attract anyone, you actually wanted to go home and relax since parting wasn't really your thing. She stopped flirting with ya and decided to be your company for that night.

You were talking and joking and it wasn't long until you started to feel like you were having fun. You were hypnotized by her stories, the way her life seemed so eventful and fun. She was extremely outgoing compared to you, but instead of feeling intimidated, you felt welcomed to relax and let yourself loose. A couple of drinks and some small talk wouldn't hurt anyone.

It was only when your friend called you out saying they wanted to go home that you realized it was already 5 in the morning. Before you and your friend have arrived at the club, you were already planning to go back home at midnight to be able to sleep a bit and go to work feeling not so exhausted.

The morning after was the worst Monday you ever had in years. But that Sunday night was honestly, kinda one of the best nights you ever had. So in a way, it was kinda like a win, right?

Some weeks after you have met with Hayami, you couldn't stop feeling a bit happy that you met her, her company that night really made you feel more welcome to changes in your routine. Your friend has told you that they always see her there, it seems like it's her favorite place to dance and to meet new people, as she always finds someone new to talk with.

Hayami didn't strike you as the common outgoing person, she was playful and flirty sure, but she had somewhat of a serious tone to her. Like a royale elegance on her voice and actions.

Okay, maybe you have fallen for her from your first meeting. Maybe you shouldn't have fallen in love with that sweet voice.

You met Hayami after that day a couple of times, which was a shocker to a couple of people, as she always disappears from anyone's sight after she gets out of the club. Not many people knew about her life outside of parties and dancing.

It seemed like you had an unbelievable amount of luck to find her so easily, she went to the same supermarket as you, she picked the same bus at the same hour. It probably wasn't just coincidence, but you didn't mind it at the time as you loved her company.

It almost felt like a perfect movie, ya know? Strangers to friends, and then friends to lovers. So magical. Everything seemed so perfect, right?

Although you were the only person that knew the most about Hayami than anyone else, you still didn't really get the whole picture of her. Your first year went by really fast, and even if you didn't know much about her, she seemed to know a lot about you. It didn't bother you to get to know her little by little, but to her, it bothered her how slow things went.

You think you two had different ideas of how your relationship was. You think that maybe she didn't consider you an actual partner. Or maybe she did, but wasn't being patient with you.

You didn't feel ready to have intimacy yet.

You wanted to feel a little more ready, a little more happy with yourself.

You think that's maybe why she lost her patience with you, why she didn't want anything to do with you.

You sometimes wonder what would happen if you were a little more brave, would you be able to be with her right now? Would you make her happy?

You only learned about your lover's "true identity" when it was too late. It was honestly kinda pathetic. After you found her having some of her nightly fun with someone else, you decided to call your friends and ask for help.

And so how, you only found out of her interesting habits after someone has told you so. Whenever she doesn't get what she wanted, she finds another way to get it.

It was so pathetic how someone else has to tell you something like that.

You broke up with Hayami the day later. No surprise on her voice, no shock on her face. It was another Thursday afternoon to her. It was what made you feel sick and disgusted.

Like you were carrying a disease. And people around you started acting like you did. Some of your "friends" had started acting as if you were abnormal, and have let you behind after insulting you.

They were jealous of you getting so close to someone like her, but they would never admit to such pity feelings, so you never knew why they have acted that way.

You can only guess, after all, a lot of people would act as if she was the nobel prize and try to put their hands on her. You never really thought about her that way, yes she was beautiful, but her intriguing personality really captivated you.

She was mysterious, yet you really loved learning more about her as time went on. But now, you kinda regret not learning about her favorite hobbies earlier.

It's been weeks and you're still wondering if it is your fault. The majority of your being screams yes, but that one part in the middle is telling you no. This internal arguing is hurting your body.

You don't want to get up from your bed. And why would you anyway? It's night time and you already did what you needed to do through the day. You should go to bed and sleep but something is making you stay awake.

Maybe it was the overbearing sadness and guilt inside you, but there was something off about your house. You didn't feel…. Safe.

Maybe you really are a weirdo. You're feeling things. It's probably your roommate that is trying to get in but is too exhausted to remember where the keys are.

Should you tell them? Maybe not… You're too tired for that.

See? Can you hear it? They're already in. No problem at all.

Now you can sleep, right?

…

…

Something isn't right. They would have screamed from the floor below "- I'M BACK [Y/N]!"

You can barely hear the footsteps. If it wasn't for the floor creaking you wouldn't even think that someone was in. Should you call them? See if they're okay? Your roommate sometimes disassociates with this realm of life, so maybe you should check on them to see if they're fine?

Even despite all your efforts, you can't help but feel nervous about calling them out. You shouldn't be so paranoid, but you can't help it. You hear the footsteps getting a bit louder, whoever is down there doesn't want to be discreet anymore.

You hear something that sounds like glass breaking, your instincts get the better of you and you jump off of your bed.

And the floor below your feet creaks. There is only an eerie silence that has taken control over the whole house.

"- [Y/N]?" A shake voice asks if you're there. They're frantic, out of breath, paranoid even.

You don't respond. It doesn't ask again.

It decided to come up the stairs.

But even though you wished that it was, no, it wasn't your roommate.

But even if you have recognized it, can you really say that it was your ex-girlfriend? Or is it a faint memory of her normally composed self that has been possessed by something more dangerous?

You don't know, you don't really care. You just hope you have locked the door tight.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[thedreadvampy]

look it's very simple most main cast tma characters (except possibly Basira and Sasha and MAYBE Tim) are reacting to not just supernatural trauma but clear, explicit childhood trauma and I think that's important to take into consideration.

Jon evidently came from a difficult place in the first place, and he was taught that he was an unwanted annoyance who'd derailed his grandma's life, that his intelligence was unpleasant, arrogant and inconvenient, and that the worst thing he could do was get in a grown-up's way. Of course he's bad at talking to people about his feelings. Of course he apologises for seemingly random things and tries to hide big problems and power through on his own. He had a really lonely childhood where he felt like an inconvenience, and now in adulthood it's deeply difficult to believe that anybody will help him and not hold it against him. Of course he comes across staid and aloof - he doesn't believe that anyone will like him if he isn't Doing Everything Right. It's so easy in that situation to worry so much about not being a burden that you freeze your friends out even as they can see you spiralling and you end up hurting them when in fact they'd be more than willing to offer help and get you out. It's why addiction is such an easy hole to fall in, because it feels like a way you can be self-sufficient and deal with your feelings without being a burden. Jon ISN'T a very closed off person naturally, he wants to reach out and be close to people, but he's been taught over and over (as many autistic children are) that he's too much, that he takes up too much space, that it's unfair for him to expect people to go out of their way to help him, so he boxes it away and shoves it down and turns to cigarettes, paranoia and denial in an attempt to manage the problem by himself. He's trying so hard to not be the Weird Kid, he's trying to play the part of what he thinks an archivist and a boss should be and blah his way through; he knows believing in weird shit opens the door to all sorts of stuff so he sticks his fingers in his ears and goes LALALA. he's deeply avoidant which ironically is why he often ends up diving in recklessly - it feels safe to only put yourself at risk (you who think you don't particularly matter, are unloved, and are an annoyance anyway) rather than wait and let others get involved and either judge you or get hurt. He didn't tell ANYONE that his encounter with Daisy had hurt him for SEVERAL YEARS because he didn't want to upset anyone. This speaks to me so much of a kid who growing up was always treated as underfoot, in the way, abnormal and with emotions and problems that weren't nearly as significant as the Important Grownup Things. I don't think anyone knew how to help 5 year old Jon with navigating his parents' deaths, and his grandmother's grief at losing her child probably made it very hard for them to connect whether or not she actually resented him the way he thinks she did. He was treated with bitterness and coldness his whole childhood, and he's never been given space to be angry about that because she was doing her best and dealing with a difficult situation, but it certainly left him with an expectation that trying to turn to anyone for emotional help and support will get you in trouble AND is unfair on them. Being with Martin, and indeed all his friendships and relationships, is hard to navigate when you've been taught for so long that exposing your vulnerability will get you yelled at or will upset people. You try to harden up and develop an exoskeleton but you're so chronically soft and in need of help and love so it spills out messy and you don't know how to take the walls down or build better ones up.

Martin's obvious, because his parental abuse is at the centre of his arc and is explicitly spelled out by Elias. He's so sure it's something he's done that's made his dad leave and his mum despise him, and he's hoping against desperate hope that if he can be Good Enough, little enough of a problem, helpful and invaluable, he can make up for whatever chronic flaw in his personality makes him unlovable. Of course he ISN'T unlovable, and none of his parent's treatment of him is his fault, but it's much safer to believe it's your fault and you can change it than it is to believe people who are meant to love you can just not hold up their end of the bargain for reasons totally outside your control. Much like with Jon, Martin has been taught to believe that he's a Problem - where Jon puts up walls and tries to be aggressively separate, Martin tries as hard as he can to prove himself Useful and Valuable while walling off an excess of humanity. Honestly though Martin's coping with it better than Jon throughout the series because he knows what it is and he's TRYING to push past the impulse to Not Be A Bother and actually let people love him. But he's still seeing the world through the lens of someone who's spent his whole life believing that the only way he'll deserve love is to become invaluable, to be useful, to be caring, to be needed, to be all give and no take, and that's not sustainable. And how much must it knock him back from trusting enough to ask for help when his boss (leave aside the love interest bit) talks about him like he's a buffoon and a waste of space however hard he's trying to be helpful and valuable, just like his mum has for years? Finding out that you matter enough to that person for him to risk his life to save you, and to really truly see you, goes a long way towards showing you that you're not always right to assume that people are lying when they say nice things about you and honest when they say cruel things about you - sometimes you are genuinely loved by people who ALSO see you as flawed. and while obviously after that the circumstances are very different I think we've seen Martin become more comfortable with his own tendency to acidity and sarcasm, anger and messy feelings, around not just Jon but in general (although also I can't talk about this without as usual observing how weird it is that people read Martin as sweet, servile and wimpy when he's consistently tough, sarcastic and brave AS WELL AS deeply lacking in confidence, afraid of conflict, emotionally giving, and terminally people-pleasing. He's right when he repeatedly says people underestimate him and don't see him - it's weird that the fandom is a big culprit of that)

Speaking of characters whose trauma responses are often overlooked, Melanie doesn't talk much about her pre-statement life but she's clear that it hasn't been good, and that other than her dad she's had nobody in the world she can trust. I am positive that her childhood was marked by parental abuse/neglect to at least a certain degree, because she was willing to kill her mum/let her die without much compunction (I THINK that's the implication of Elias' line about her mum's life insurance paying for her dad's care). To me (projecting), Melanie's fear of losing control of her own anger speaks to somebody who grew up in a volatile and probably physically violent home, and I suspect her mother was struggling to cope and lashing out at Melanie and her dad. (I also think that while it's unlikely to be made explicit because Jonny generally shies away from talking it writing about sexual abuse, that it's very probable that Melanie experienced adolescent sex abuse from some source and wasn't protected or supported. That's pure conjecture though based on how she acts.) I think she's definitely had issues with everyone in her family except her dad when it comes to her sexuality and that she's been largely estranged for a long time, and I think those are the kinds of things which, coupled with abuse and sidelining in adulthood, leave you with a lot of rage and nowhere to put it, and with a huge amount of difficulty trusting people. Undeniably, Melanie has been on the sharp end of other people's violent anger often enough to be really, really wary of ever giving her own anger free rein, or losing control of herself.

We don't know much about Daisy's childhood beyond what happened with Calvin (Pretty Damn Traumatic), but I think what I find interesting about Daisy is that she's definitely someone who, like many girls, struggled with that point in childhood where you're supposed to Stop Liking Boy (Fun) Things and Become A Girl. I think it's safe to say that Daisy was fairly subject to bullying and alienation in primary school, and I think people often overlook how badly that affects you your whole life. But also to be severely injured and traumatised, to tell people what happened, and to not be believed? That leaves marks. Marks that teach you that you can't trust that justice will be served, and you have to take the law into your own hands. I think there's also a lot of the Gendered Traumas happening around Daisy - she clearly has a conflicted relationship with femininity - but that's another post.

[nekoabiwrites]

Virgil, the Small Purple Emo

Welp, it’s just past midnight on the 23rd, so it’s time for me to share my Secret Santa gift to @midnightsdarkangel!

FYI: this is my first attempt to even envision anything relating to GT on my own, without someone else explaining it to me, so I hope it’s alright? Let’s just say this idea came about after making the joke of “Virgil the Giant Purple Emo” in a conversation involving Clifford the Big Red Dog... that was the inspiration...

AU: Love Makes You Grow AU Words: 2172 Pairings: Moxiety Warnings: Attempt at GT near the end, talk of homelessness, implied homophobia, general sad Virgil. Anything else, please let me know!

Summary: Virgil stopped growing when he was very young, leaving him at the bottom of the societal ladder. He grows cynical after being thrown out. Can a chance meeting with a kind stranger change his life?

---

Virgil had always been small. In fact, he’d stopped growing at age 12, while everyone else around him grew taller and taller. Of course, that had meant he’d been ostracised by most in a world where your size equated to the amount of love you had in your life. He clearly was an unloved child and so that meant he was unworthy of anyone else’s time. All because of who he was.

His family had found out only a few days after his twelfth birthday that Virgil was gay and that was  the moment where everything changed. The love stopped. His entire family disowned him, they threw him out onto the street and left him to fend for himself.

Virgil had found ways to survive, of course. He’d managed to get a poorly paying job that gave him just enough money to live on, while also allowing him to barely scrape by at school. He jumped from place to place, sleeping outside most nights. Eventually, he found a small forested area that was visited rarely, and he set up camp there. Virgil scavenged and stole from bins and dumps in order to make it comfortable. By his 21st birthday, Virgil had yet to grow even another inch and was living in a tree house of his own making.

It was haphazardly put together, but it was better than his first four other attempts that had been dismantled to make this one. It was far larger than the others, allowing him to lay flat in his beaten-up, old sleeping bag for the first time as well as giving him space to put what little he owned. It had fewer holes around as well, though Virgil sometimes did miss staring up at the stars, but he much preferred the cover it provided when it rained. But it was just a place for him to retreat to after work. It didn’t need to be the height of luxury. It served its purpose well.

The morning went like any other. He woke up early, did what little he could to make himself presentable before throwing on his uniform and clambering down the tree in order to start his long walk to work. Thankfully Virgil had been able to grab a pair of semi-working headphones from the store where he worked before they were about to be thrown out and so had something to listen to as he made his way through the town. It was familiar, it was boring, it was normal.

But the strangest thing happened while he was at work.

It started as an accident. Virgil had been stocking the lower shelves as usual and had bumped into a customer whilst turning to go back towards where his manager was. “Oh, sorry.” He mumbled, ducking his head to move on out of the way.

The customer laughed softly, “It’s alright! I’m the one who should be sorry. I was just off in my own world and didn’t see you!”

Virgil stopped in his tracks and glanced back at the man he’d walked into. He was tall, very tall… at least around two feet taller - likely even more - than himself, which wasn’t too uncommon. But he’d just talked to Virgil as if he was equal. No reference to how short he was. No annoyed huff and muttering. No threats to get him fired. Nothing. Just a normal conversational response. “Uh, well… um… it’s okay?”

The customer grinned and nodded, “How long have you been working here?”

This was completely abnormal. People usually didn’t want to talk to someone as short as him. Virgil pretended to tidy up the surrounding shelves to look busy as he replied, “Around 9 years or so…”

“No… how old are you!? That can’t be okay!”

Virgil grimaced before explaining that he had just turned 21 that morning. The customer’s face had turned from shock – as he clearly thought Virgil was younger than he was – to sadness.

“Oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t know- I thought that-”

“It’s whatever. Doesn’t matter.” Virgil waved it off. It was his life, he was used to it. This man was going to pity him for a moment, say goodbye and they’d never see each other again. A silence stretched on for what felt like minutes. Eventually, Virgil went to leave but the customer stopped him.

“…When do you get off work?”

Virgil faltered and took a moment to catch himself. “What? Um, I mean, like… around… 8?”

The customer’s eyes were blazing with hope as he reached for the employee’s hands, grasping them between his own, “I’ll meet you outside the shop then! I want to help.”

An odd feeling hit Virgil in the stomach, almost like he was stretching out his muscles for a moment. But it was gone before he could give it more than a second’s thought. This stranger was offering him help, without even knowing him. Apparently, Virgil had agreed, and the customer had gone on his way. The rest of the day was a blur and, at 8pm, he was standing with the odd man outside.

“Oh, I never introduced myself!” The stranger slapped his forehead playfully before holding out his hand, “My name’s Patton! Nice to meet you, Virgil!” He shook their hands once and then turned sharply, beginning to wander down the street, “If you’re okay with telling me, I’d love to know what happened.”

There was practically no context, but of course Virgil knew what he meant. He walked quickly to keep up with Patton’s long strides, “It’s pretty short. When I was 12, my entire family disowned me and threw me out for… reasons. And from then, well, people kinda just avoided me. You’re not exactly wanted when you’re… like me… but I guess you don’t really get that…” He didn’t mean to slight the tall man, but it just happened to come out. After years of public rejection, Virgil had grown bitter and pessimistic. He went to explain this, but Patton simply laughed.

“You’re right, I don’t know what that’s like. No one should have to know what that is like.” Patton seemed wistful as he stared down the street before them. “I’m sorry that happened to you, Virgil.”

That evening, Patton took Virgil to a restaurant close by and treated him to a meal, despite Virgil’s protests and worries. He assured the shorter that there was no expectation of returning the favour or paying him back; it was merely a way for them to sit and chat somewhere warmer as the temperature was quickly declining outside. Over food, the two talked more. Virgil found out that Patton’s life had been without much hardship, especially in the love department. He had a large family that adored him, many friends who he met up with frequently. Everything for Patton was great all while Virgil had the complete opposite. After some time, he opened up a little and told Patton how he was essentially homeless and had been since he was kicked out onto the streets. He had no friends, his co-workers and managers hated him and belittled him for his height. By the end of the meal, Patton’s eyes were swimming with tears that Virgil assumed were pity and not of sadness.

The larger man wrapped Virgil in a tight hug as he wept for him, “That’s so unfair, Virgil! You don’t deserve any of that!”

“It’s whatever. I’m used to it now.” Virgil’s face pinked slightly as he felt the urge to hug Patton in return, while also feeling extremely awkward in the unusual embrace.

“It’s official!” Patton proclaimed once they were finally out of the restaurant. His eyes were determined as he clenched his fists and set his expression,  “We’re friends! I’ll come and see you whenever I can!” He quickly dropped it and softened, “Oh, right, uh, if that’s okay with you, of course.”

The shorter couldn’t help the amused snort that slipped out. He shoved his hands into his tattered hoodie’s pockets and smiled softly, “Yeah, sure… just, don’t always pay for stuff for me. It makes me feel weird… deal?”

Patton grinned widely, “Deal!”

From then on, at least a few times a month, Virgil found Patton waiting outside the store for him. They’d wander around the town chatting and just spending time with each other. Sometimes they’d get food, other times they’d find a café and just watch the world pass by. The months passed and the two got closer, meeting up more and more frequently. Virgil showed Patton his treehouse – which he hadn’t expected to cause the man to weep uncontrollably whilst he held Virgil in a spine-crushing hug. Patton, in turn, had brought Virgil back to his house several times, which just hammered home to the shorter how different life was for Patton. During this time, people were becoming noticeably nicer to him.

First, it had been customers. They’d stopped tutting and glaring at him when he was attempting to replace items on the shelves. All of them had suddenly stopped commenting on his height, as had his co-workers and managers. He’d told Patton all this, to which they both settled on the solution that Virgil must just have been looking happier or something. Neither had noticed that Virgil needed much less help reaching for things on higher shelves.

Soon enough, Virgil had to remake his treehouse once again. He’d been feeling claustrophobic in it for a while. He even enlisted Patton’s help in order to make it again. Virgil used up all of his few holiday days to complete the project, while Patton had brought all new materials for the shorter to use. He’d even asked Virgil if he’d like to move into Patton’s back garden instead of staying in the small forest.

“I mean, it’s just closer to your work and you’d be able to come and go whenever you like. A-and if you needed, you could come in and make food or warm up. I mean, it’s just an idea!” Patton had rambled, his cheeks pinkening significantly. Of course, Virgil had accepted. He wasn’t quite ready to actually move into a home – being in his treehouse made him feel safe – but he found that he was really becoming fond of being around Patton almost constantly.

It was the first time he’d spent the night in Patton’s home that everything had really caught up to them both. Several years had passed and they were officially going with the title of best friends. They’d been sitting on the couch, just watching tv and eating. It was nothing they hadn’t done before, but there was something… off. Virgil just couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

It all happened at once.

Patton had taken a sharp breath and sat up extremely straight. Virgil, in a practised motion, looked up to ask Patton what happened and found that he was looking at the ceiling. He then dropped his eye level and found that he had to angle his sight slightly downwards in order to make eye contact with Patton, who was staring up at him with an open mouth.

“What the fuck?!” Virgil screamed, looking down at himself in surprise. He felt himself panicking but did his best to keep himself calm. Sure, he’d noticed that he’d sorta been growing with Patton being his friend, but this was insane. “Patton, what just happened?!”

Patton swallowed heavily before sheepishly giggling, “Um, well… this might be… my fault?”

“Patton. If you don’t explain right this second, I’m going to freak the fuck out.” Virgil said between shaky breaths.

Patton grabbed a hold of one of Virgil’s hands, gently stroking it to calm him down. His face was beet red as he explained himself, “I just realised that… um well, that…” He took another heavy breath before blurting out, “THATIMINLOVEWITHYOU.”

Time slowed. Virgil felt something inside him metaphorically expand at Patton’s confession, almost as though it were only his heart that had grown in that moment. It had a secondary effect, as Virgil considered his own repressed feelings. He realised that he’d pushed down his emotions years ago, as he believed that they’d never be reciprocated. Virgil finally admitted to himself that he loved Patton as well.

The effect was immediate. Patton ballooned in the same way Virgil had. He was back to being far taller than Virgil, which was not exactly a great thing to happen in a building, even if Patton’s ceilings were higher than most.

Nothing had to be said after the shock had passed. Patton reached for Virgil, who slipped between the larger’s arms with ease, neither of them commenting on the fact that Patton’s hair was brushing the ceiling. As Virgil began to swell to a larger height whilst in Patton’s arms, the couple laughed.

“Looks like we’ll be needing a larger home. If you want to stay with me, of course.” Patton offered. Virgil said nothing, responding only by nuzzling deeper into Patton’s shoulder, causing the other to grew a little more in return.

---

My other stuff: http://nekoabi.tumblr.com/myworks Mobile Accessible Masterlist: http://nekoabi.tumblr.com/post/181954641376/fic-masterlist

General Tag List: @not-so-innocent-bi-sander @didsomeonesayprince @llamaly @justanotherpurplebutterfly  @iaminmultiplefandoms @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @lowkeyvirgilobsessed @louisthewarlock @fangsandrainbows @xxladystarlightxx @sleepyssnail @ao-koshka @notalwaysthevillian @pumpkinminette @doces-e--tuga @coloursintheblur @safesandersides @hogwarts-my-love

[monsieur-hadrien]

The Fragile Balance Between Darkness and Light - Drarry Oneshot

1.4k words, 26 October 2020

Draco worries when Harry doesn't come back home after practice, so he goes to find him.

Crossposted on AO3, What I listened to while writing

It’s not often that Draco wakes up to an empty bed, not since the middle of 8th year. Not without prior warning, at least. Harry is usually quite good about letting him know when he won’t be coming home. Whether he’s away for a visit to Aunt Andromeda’s to visit his godson or for out-of-town quidditch matches that end a bit too late for apparition to be safe, Harry always lets Draco know when he doesn't need to wait up for him. Which is why Draco worries for his other half when he wakes in the middle of the night to Harry’s side of the bed (the left side, obviously) empty and cold.

***

It’s not often that Harry doesn’t want to fall asleep, not since the middle of 8th year. Not without reason, at least. Draco is usually quite good at calming his anxiety around sleep. Whether it be listening to him talk about his dark, locked cupboard at the Dursleys or about his death, how at first it felt like the light had been swallowed by a black hole that would take him next. Draco always knows when Harry needs to talk and when he just needs to be held as if nothing could ever hurt him again. Which is why Harry worries for his other half as he sits on the battered seat of a swing at the Little Whinging Community Park (abandoned at this time of night, obviously) alone and cold.

***

Draco doesn’t wait around for Harry to come to their room. He exits and moves to the sitting room of Grimmauld Place where he glances at the grandfather clock with the names of their jigsaw family against the wall: it was a gift from Molly and Arthur for their wedding, a gift that had Harry in tears. Thankfully, Draco sees that Harry’s name is not on “mortal peril.” Harry’s clock hand is firmly in the middle of “lost.”

That’s okay, Draco thinks to himself. I can work with that.

***

Harry hears the light pop of apparition to the side of him. Turning, he finds Draco stalking toward him, his blonde hair unmistakable even in the dim, orange light of the streetlamps. At seeing his face, Harry can see Draco let out a strained sigh of relief. His lips turn up at that; it’s nice to be cared about that much, even if he feels terrible about making Draco worry. 

The second Draco reaches his husband, Harry finds himself enveloped in a tight hug, which he wastes no time melting into.

“You gave me a bit of a heart attack, love,” Draco murmurs to Harry’s head that’s currently buried in the nape of his neck.

“‘M sorry,” Harry mumbles, nestling closer to the blonde. Why he thought he could pass up nightly cuddles, he doesn’t know. A travesty, that would have been.

“I’m just glad you’re alright,” Draco sighs, not even able to feel mad at that moment. He runs his fingers through Harry’s bird's nest of hair. “We will have to talk about this when we get home, though.”

Harry tenses in Draco’s arms. “Can we talk about it in the morning?”

“Well, if you want to get specific, it’s 3 A.M. So, yeah we can talk about when we get home.”

Harry doesn’t answer, but he hopped down from the swing (his feet didn’t touch the ground while he was sitting. If he didn’t look so miserable, Draco would have told him how adorable he looked) and wraps his arms around Draco’s waist in a death grip, waiting for the unpleasant squeeze of apparition.

***

Harry’s arms are still around Draco when they apparate into the living room, eyes squeezed tight shut, forehead resting atop his husband’s chest. Draco gently quizzes back before suggesting to him, “How about I get some calming drought and I meet you in our room.”

In response, Harry constricts his arms tighter around  Draco’s waist and shakes his head vehemently. “‘M donneed that.”

“Tea then?”

Draco knows Harry never says no to tea.

A few beats pass before Harry nods his head, curls bouncing next to his ears. “Stay with you, though.”

As Draco prepares two mugs of chamomile tea, Harry stays no farther than an arm’s length away, watching his every move like a small kitten. While the tea steeps, Harry seizes the opportunity to hug Draco from the side. The other takes this in stride, wrapping one hand around his waist and the other tracing patterns on top of Harry's scarred hand.

I must not tell lies. What hippogriff shit, Draco thinks. Anybody who knows Harry at all knows that he would never lie without a reason, much less to harm someone. In his heart of hearts, Draco wholly believes that his husband doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body.

It’s because of this that Draco cannot find it within himself to be angry with Harry, even if he did manage to nearly send him into a full-blown panic. While he may be remarkably reckless, he would never intentionally worry or hurt Draco. But Harry did worry him, and by the (not completely abnormal but definitely over-the-top) clinginess he’s displaying, - not that Draco minds - Harry is feeling incredibly guilty.

Which is why the first thing Draco says after the two settle onto their bed, legs crossed, tea in hand, is, “I’m not cross with you.”

The reaction is immediate; Harry lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I’m still sorry, though. I should have told you where I was,” he murmurs softly, eyes fixed on his mug.

“I would rather you tell me why you felt the need to run all of a sudden. Have your nightmares been worse recently?” Draco hadn’t noticed anything himself, but he can’t rule out the possibility of missing something. While his walls have come down in the past few years, Harry can be quite good at hiding his emotions when he feels he needs to.

Thankfully, Harry shakes his head. “No. It was something at practice today.”

Draco doesn’t say anything. He begins tracing shapes on Harry’s thigh with his free hand, encouraging him to talk when he feels ready. Harry has a far-away look in his eyes as he states, impassive, “I went to that park a lot when I was at the Dursleys’, you know. Nobody came looking for me there.”

He pauses. Then, with white-knuckle grip, Harry brings his mug to his lips with two hands, taking a long sip before beginning, “A bludger hit me in the back of the head. It’s happened a million times before, so I'm not sure why this time it was different.” His voice cracks, barely noticeable over his whispering tone, but Draco catches it. “Then my vision went dark and I couldn't breathe. Thankfully I wasn’t too high up, ‘cause I crashed on my broom.”

Harry stutters, tears pricking in the corners of his eyes, “I-I don’t know why, but it felt like I was trapped in the cupboard again. I know it wasn’t real, but I could hear Uncle Vernon calling me an unlovable freak and Dudley jumping on the stairs above me.” He lets out something between a sob and a laugh, sniffling, “Gods, I think I’m going insane.” In one large gulp, Harry finishes his tea in choked embarrassment, tears leaving stains on his dark cheeks.

Draco wastes no time removing Harry’s mug from his hands, setting both of theirs aside on the bedside table, and pulling his husband into a warm hug. He brings his lips to Harry’s temple, giving him a kiss before he whispers into his ear, “You’re not going insane, and you’re not a freak or unloveable. I love you.”

And with that, the dam breaks. Draco holds Harry like that as he cries, rubbing his back in comfort while alternating between phrases of, “It’s okay, love,” and, “I love you.”

They stay like that until Harry’s breath becomes more steady. Neither of them knows exactly what time it is, but they’re both knackered. Draco knows Harry would probably be too embarrassed to ask, so Draco queries, “Would you like a light on tonight?”

Harry, being the stubborn git he is, shakes his head fiercely while blushing. “I don’t need a nightlight, Draco.”

“I know you don’t, my love.” Draco smiles when Harry mopes. He doesn’t protest, however, when Draco summons his patronus, and the comforting hum of magic from the small, blue doe lulls them both to sleep.

[tiredthinkbucket]

It comes in waves.

There are sometimes when it’s calm, it’s quiet, it’s almost serene. And Yennefer just feels like a person, she feels alright, like she was never incomplete, like she was enough, like she is enough. She’s strong, but not too strong, just the right amount of weakness to feel her humanity.

And then there are times that weakness is overbearing, it’s all consuming, where she comes apart from the inside. Pieces of her start spilling out, parts so deep and so dark she didn’t even realize that she had, things she’s shoved to the side to address later but later came too soon, and she tries to grab them, to hold them in place while she figures out a way to patch it back together. Yet she always manages to somehow get it, to be mostly whole, better. 

In a way, each time it happens, it gets a little bit easier, because she’s had practice at putting it all back. She’s learned what works, what doesn’t, she knows more about what she needs, and how to heal the fastest and the easiest. It becomes second nature, an unconscious sort of art form. 

But each time, it also gets harder, because the bones have never fully healed, the angles are a little off, the scars have already left her skin a little rough, the stitches are just yanked open, tearing the skin even more than before. Aches that have dulled but they never left, and the cold reminds her that they’re still there, they’ve never left, just been a little more quiet.

Every time, she misses a piece, but in it’s stead she gains a lesson. 

Her father— she was still so young when he died— but she remembers the first realization of loss. She learned that not all things are beautiful, and it was soon after that she realized that most things on the Continent are not beautiful at all. They were like her, ugly, malformed, unnecessary.

Her mother: meant well, but didn’t do well, or not well enough for it to matter. Through her and her failures, Yennefer learnt that good intentions are rarely good enough. Sometimes it’s just better to be straightforwardly selfish, if that’s how it has to be, because there is no sense in trying to make it more palatable. The pill has to be swallowed either way, the effect will be the same.

The villagers, they usually didn’t care enough to really affect her. The few unfortunate interactions she did have with the unlucky taught her fear: fear the unknown, fear the different, fear the ugly. The things that didn’t make sense, that were an abomination, the abnormal, she realized that most shunned them simply because they did not understand. It was not out of an innate dislike, it was protection, a mere defense mechanism. And while it hurt, she understood.

Her step-father was always filled with hatred, and perhaps that’s where she first truly learned the feeling. Sometimes it was not enough to fear what was different from you, sometimes you needed to hate it so you didn’t feel so similar. Hate creates a type of distance, in the way that trying to cross it feels impossible, because the two sides are irreconcilable. Distance makes you safe, removed, impossible to be reached and touched.

The Rectoress taught her humiliation—a burning, enveloping sense of shame and disgust for who and what she was.  Piglet, not worthy of a real name, not even worth full price, only another pig in the pen, an eel in the pool, only a conduit and nothing more. She brought her down lower than she thought she could go, having been raised unloved and unwanted, she realized that even if by some miracle someone could look past her disfiguration, she would still never be loved nor wanted. And so she learnt the shame of desiring something one could never, should never even hope to have. 

With the young sorcerer, her first lover, she came to understand the true meaning and the far reaching effects of betrayal. To put trust in someone so willingly was to ask to be broken. Laughably, she should have expected him to only act as dishonorably as she. It was a lesson she thought she had already knew, that trust was only for constants, and not for mortals. Foolishly, she had forged ahead, blinded by her emotions, comforted by his care, craving the feeling of being wanted by another, despite knowing it wasn’t real, she’d wanted it, she’d had it, and then she destroyed it with something as simple as trusting someone with too much. How could she expect someone else to handle her fragile, patchwork heart with the amount of care she needed to keep it together? 

The King, for all his charm and excellent tastes, was a fool, and if Yennefer learned anything it court, it was that men were more easily swayed by hips than with tongues, and yet they’d sooner listen to another pair of balls than a pair of breasts. People were easy enough to understand and manipulate once you brought them down to their most base desires, but you could only bring them so far within the carnal realm before they refused to go further, for they would rather wallow in wanton pleasure than care about more the more powerful pursuits. Sex can bring pleasure, can tease gold from purses, but it cannot bring peace to war torn lands, cannot feed starving bellies, and it cannot satisfy for very long.

The Witcher, the proud, presumptuous, woebegone mutant, left his parting gift of taking away Yennefer’s free will from her. All the rest, Yennefer had learned how to cope with, how to reassemble the pieces she had been left with when she crumbled down. But now, tied with strings of fate she had never consented to, bound to a man who she probably never truly loved, bereft of her freedom and trapped in a cage that she cannot see, she finally understands the stupidity of her heart. She had always chased after what she thought she could not have, believing that it would finally teach her how to be happy. She may feel constrained because of the man’s wish, but it is herself that has long imposed the restrictions that prevent her, the freedom she lost was nothing she had not already stolen from herself. Yennefer for so long had allowed herself to be told that she was not, could not, would not ever be enough. 

Tissaia de Vries stands before Yennefer of Vengerberg and asks her to stand with her, to fight alongside her, as an equal. Yennefer cannot seem to reconcile the woman that pleads with her now with the one that had once told her she would not be loved even if she were beautiful. But as the confusion swirls in her heart, threatening to break her down once more, reopening the hurts, suddenly all the pieces she has clung to come together.

Yennefer’s one defining fear had always been that she could not be loved because she thought she was hideous. Even after her transformation, she let that terrorize her mind, that she would always have to try her hardest and beyond to manipulate people into loving her. If she wanted to be seen and powerful, she would have to accept that because she was not, she had to fight and selfishly take what she wanted, she needed to ostracize, to despise, she needed to demean and degrade others, she would have to trust no one and especially not a man, and only when she had no choice in the matter did she realize that it has always been her choice. The person that Yennefer has for years striven to prove herself to all along was a hunchback girl from Vengerberg. 

Tissaia had been trying to teach her self sufficiency, by facing her fears and moving beyond them. What Yennefer thought she had wanted was to be good at something, to succeed and excel and to prove to everyone else that she could. That this hunchback, disfigured, undesirable girl could achieve what was thought to be impossible, and she stupidly thought that would be enough for her.

She was already excellent. She has already proved herself to be a capable sorceress. 

And only when she finally accepts that does she realize that Tissaia has long thought so too.

She will accept the invitation. Anyway, what other option does she really have? Fight now or fight later, but there is certainly something satisfying about being asked so desperately, knowing she is needed, wanted. She finally gets her wish when she realizes it was useless. Even now, however, some habits are hard to break.

“Have you ever used that word before?”

[linkspooky]

Your opinions on Mitsuri Kanroji? :)

I’m going to talk about Mitsuri and Obanai in the same post because both characters relate to the theme of “Love.” When you talk about them, you kind of have to talk about them together because they’re designed as a pair to compare and contrast to each other. With that out of the way... continued underneath the cut.

Kanroji Mitsuri - Love Breathing

Both Obanai and Mitsuri have deeply internalized the fact that they are unlovable, due to a quality their body possesses, and the circumstances they were born in. They also respond to these feelings of internal self loathing in different ways, Mitsuri believing that no one could love her attempted to join the demon slayers in order to “find” that love. 

Mitsuri’s motivation is one that seems extremely simple at first, to find someone who would want to marry her, despite being born with a body that makes her unlike any other woman. However, it gets more complex when you see how deep her complete lack of confidence in herself runs. 

Mitsuri sees herself as such an unlovable, abnormal person that she basically ‘self-harms” in an attempt to appear more normal. She starves herself, lies about her, and all of these things deny who she really is. 

Mitsuri’s goal isn’t actually to get married, but self acceptance. She wants to be comfortable with her body, and being herself, but she believes the path to this is finding somebody else who will love and marry her because that is what she’s been told her whole life. Mitsuri can’t love herself, so she’s constantly seeking external validation from other people, she thinks if someone tells her that’s she’s okay being who she is, that will fix her. 

Mitsuri’s always kind to other people with a bit of a selfish motivation, because she wants them to be kind and accepting towards her. It’s not wrong to be selfish though, or to want to be valued for who you are. 

Mitsuri fights demons because she believes it’s her way to earn acceptance and love. Her conflict is her deeply internalized self loathing, even though Mitsuri is one of the strongest Hashira she always feels useless and ineffective. Even though she’s caring towards others, she remembers that her motivations aren’t so noble as the rest of the demon slayers and she hates herself for that too. No matter how loving Mitsuri is, a part of her will always hate herself, and she’s fighting against those feelings. 

Mitsuri perceives herself as a deeply unlovable person, and I think nowhere is more evident than her two closest relationships in the demon slayers. Shinobu and Mitsuri (which is expanded upon in the novels) are best friends, and Obanai is not only set up as her love interest but is devoted to protecting her. Both of these characters are themed around the idea of poison, Obanai with his serpents, and Shinobu who is both a medicine and poisonmaker. Mitsuri is probably drawn to these people in particular, because she understands such deeply seated feelings of unworthiness (Shinobu will never be as good as her sister. Obanai will never be able to redeem himself for the family he was born into) and how they can poison you from the inside slowly. 

Iguro Obanai - Serpent Breathing

Obanai and Mitsuri are flipped. They’re opposites. Mitsuri hides all of her toxic self loathing deep inside of her and appears as a lovable person on the surface always reaching out to others, while Obanai is a toxic person on the surface and a loner who deliberately separates himself from others. However they share the same motivation, they’re incapable of being comfortable in the body they were born into, they hate who they are, the person they were born as, they can’t ever be loved for being themselves.

When we’re first introduced to him all that’s shown is his toxic traits, because that’s how he presents himself to others. I mean, the first thing he does as a character in the manga, is hate Tanjiro, who is the softest, most lovable boy. His love for Mitsuri is potrtrayed as a deeply jealous possessiveness. Even his love for other people is shown in the most toxic way possible. 

Obanai’s training is also very indicative of his character. He has all the students he’s trying to teach, tied up like crimminals. Then he claims he’s punishing them for their crimes. However, we later learn that all of these things Obanai lashes out and says about other people, are actually things he believes about himself. 

Ever since he was born, Obanai has punished himself again and again for being born into such a wicked family. Even when he finally escaped, he bore the guilt of being blamed for the death of the rest of his family. 

For Obanai there’s nothing that can make the guilt of his crimes go away, so what he does is punish himself over and over again. He’s so focused on the idea that he’s a bad person that deserves to be punished, that’s the side of himself he always shows in front of others. Mitsuri seeks self love in joining the demon slayers, but Obanai is seeking out self punishment, he’s seeking out a wy to die and atone for his sins. 

While Mitsuri doesn’t think another person could ever love her, Obanai believes he’s unworthy to ever love another person. Which is why even though he’s well aware of his feelings, he can’t tell them to her, because his feelings would only poison her the same way he’s poisoned everything else. 

That’s why even though both of them love each other, both of them also view their feelings as unrequited, because Mitsuri can’t love herself, because Obanai can’t forgive himself. Because Mitsuri believes she’s unlovable, because Obanai believes he can’t love anyone.