#are humans and teds very similarly looking??

[do-notperceiveme]

the other drawing of the Nancy Sinatra I did! Featuring Even Older Leif at the Helm, Capser riding shot gun, Ex contemplating in the like, living room area, and BertBert sleeping off her years in prison on the bunks :)

I just drew her as some girl because I didn't have time to think about what a Seagian (?) would look like, but I do have some thoughts

[wistfulcynic]

it’s more than a little disturbing to me how many people loudly proclaim how much they hate or don’t care about Nate and his character journey, while with the same breath proclaiming how much they love Jamie’s. “Oh boo hoo, Nate has daddy issues,” i’ve actually seen adult people actually say. “So does Jamie and look at him!” 

Similarly: “Nate’s gonna be saved by the love of a woman? How boring and cliche!” 

Or: “Nate doesn’t have to be such a jerk. He has Ted as a role model. He should know better!” 

to anyone capable of saying that, you’re absolutely right. You don’t care about Nate or his journey and that couldn’t be more obvious. What’s interesting though is why. 

because here’s the thing about Jamie, and also about Ted. Two things they have in common--a massive ego and a rock-solid sense of self. 

remember Jamie in like the second episode of the whole series? “Coach, I’m me. Why would I want to be anything else?” 

yes, Jamie has a shit dad and he’s had a shit time of it in many ways because of his shit dad. But what Jamie has never had to face is a crisis of identity. He knows who he is and he knows his value. He can take hits and come back from them, he can acknowledge his mistakes and learn from them because at his core he still and always has that knowledge that he’s a superstar. 

then there’s Ted. Anyone who doubts that Ted is a full-fledged egomaniac, ask yourselves how much confidence it takes to preface every single useful thing you have to say with a meandering, folksy anecdote and be absolutely certain that every single person you speak to is going to not only put up with that but actively listen. That’s the kind of confidence that can only come from a particular kind of privilege, and while Ted also has been through tough times and experienced trauma he's a white man from a place where white men are at the top of every ladder and he has very clearly never doubted who he is or the value he possesses. 

Nate can't be Jamie and he can’t be Ted. Not just because it’s ridiculous to expect different humans to behave identically in situations that are only vaguely similar, but because Nate’s core problem isn’t that his dad withholds love or that the hostess at a restaurant is snide to him. 

his problem--which incidentally we’ve been shown from the absolute very beginning--is that he doesn’t have any confidence. He doesn’t know who he is, and the who that he thinks he is, is a who he doesn’t especially like. Nate can't be Jamie because to him every mistake he makes reduces his worth, and he doesn’t have that superstar core to shore him up. Nate can’t be Ted because the entirety of his lifetime experience has assured him that no one wants to listen to anything he has to say. Nate can only be Nate because he is Nate, and the only thing that he or any of us can be is ourselves. 

and yeah, who Nate is isn’t always especially pleasant. He’s shown he can be mean and he can be spiteful. So what? He’s flawed, as all the characters are. As all humans are. Plenty of us have meanness and spite in us, that doesn’t make us irredeemable monsters. Nate’s journey is about realising his value and finally receiving recognition for it. He’s a clever, capable strategist and a talented coach. Now that he’s finally seeing and being seen for that, he’s finding in himself the capacity to recognise and work on his flaws. Which he is doing. It’s not about getting the girl or finding redemption through the love of a woman. It’s about having the confidence to trust that another human is going to see him and like him for who he is. 

Nate isn’t flawed in a sexy asshole way like Jamie or a folksy wholesome way like Ted. He’s flawed in an uncomfortably human way that probably hits too close to home for many people. Jamie and Ted are larger-than-life characters. Nate is one of us. So in a way i guess it’s understandable that people have a harder time forgiving him his trespasses or “caring” about his redemption. 

on the other hand, however, you all might want to ask yourselves why you’re so willing to extend endless grace to the hyperconfident white men while offering the anxious brown one none at all. 

[foreos]

The Muppets Present: The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals

based on @the-muppets-present. saw their rule list and felt inspired. might do the other hatchetfield shows later if i feel so inclined :)

i just felt like the story of “average office worker who hates musicals gets trapped in a musical” was just begging to be muppetified.

so, without further ado,

ted- guys i went through so many options for ted. it was immediately hard. eventually i decided on rizzo, because i feel like similarly to ted, he’s kind of an asshole that causes problems for himself and everyone around him. plus, the “kick my head!” scene is even funnier if ted is like. one foot tall.

bill- kermit. i think kermit can and should be a sad dad. bill is like the most earnest man in hatchetfield and the idea of kermit being deeply disappointed that his friend won’t help him reconnect with his estranged daughter because he hates musicals so much is so funny to me.

professor hidgens- gonzo. duh. camilla is alexa. gonzo is the most eccentric bitch in the cast and would 100% kill people to get his musical produced. imagine gonzo shouting “come on you bastard!” at the apocalypse. gonzo would get struck by lightning and climb out of a pile of his friends’ bodies. he just would.

charlotte- miss piggy. stay with me here. from a meta standpoint, i always find it funny when piggy plays the secondary female role in a muppet movie and gets annoyed about it in interviews. from a character standpoint, post-infection charlotte’s high energy would be great to see if it was performed by the one and only piggy. imagine miss piggy singing join us and die. imagine the beginning part. she just beats the shit out of rizzo. gonzo shoots her.

mr. davidson- fozzie. idk i just got a mental image of him putting the newspaper down like jeff blim does at the beginning of the song and then fucking. waggling his ears.

sam- this one was hard because i had to think of you tied up my heart and show me your hands. i eventually picked link hogthrob. sam’s a pig, link’s a pig, etc.

alice- janice. hear me out. it’s not just because she’s “the other girl muppet.” imagine if alice just looked at bill and went “whatever, man” and walked away. truthfully thinking more about watcher world than tgwdlm for this one.

paul- jon matteson. paul stays the same, babeyyy. i think it just adds another fucking layer to his panic because not only is everyone randomly singing around him, they’re fucking muppets. just imagine la dee dah dah day if he was surrounded by muppets. he’s just some guy in a weird situation, and just some guy he shall stay.*

emma- lauren lopez. so i am breaking the number one rule of muppetfication to keep emma the same, but there’s a method to my goddamn madness. the only person paul can relate to in hatchetfield is the one other human being. plus, again, imagine the end of inevitable with emma screaming and crying while surrounded by fucking muppets.

*so i lied. just some guy he shall not stay. when inevitable starts, you first hear paul’s voice. he’s singing, just like he does in the show. emma very quietly goes “paul?” the same way, too. but what’s different is you can’t see paul. the camera pans over.

paul is a muppet.

he’s one of the lookalike ones, like from the first two episodes of the show and the jason segel one from the 2011 muppet movie.

“paul, you’re scaring me” indeed.

[fenrichaita]

yeah now it seems pretty obvious to me that The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals is not JUST about conformity. It's about a shift in culture. It's not just about social violences, it's about society becoming more violent right before our eyes. Think about how many times we have to urge everyone to "think about the implications" wrt to the things our lawmakers are doing. TGWDLM really does demonstrate how this sort of cultural shift invades every facet of our lives --- to our language, to how we interact with each other, to our workplaces and our institutions and those who use force against the public to keep it in line. It's about norms being replaced or changed with a more hostile status quo. It's about whether someone makes the choice to keep one's values and remain authentic when confronted with social pressures and the very real threat of violence. Especially when you look at HOW the Hive chooses to infect people. When they can't infect people by tricking them into drinking contaminated coffee, they try to lure them off to infect them. When there is a group to infect, they arrive with armed reinforcements when possible. They manipulate and pressure at every turn, sometimes using the faces of loved one and the promise of happiness --- other times, they remove the illusion of choice and simply threaten.

I originally had trouble understanding what professor Hidgens represents sociologically in the theme of the show, until I really looked at what he was doing. He is the only non-infected villain of the show. Hidgens views the hive as an inevitable solution to deliver the world from a predestined self-destruction. Not only does he throw his peers under the bus, but he wants to become one with the hive. He literally tokenizes himself, and his only reward is a violent introduction into the hive. Ted also tries to throw his fellow humans under the bus, only for his own self-benefit, and he is similarly punished for it in a violent fashion. It's really interesting to see how TGWDLM represents the various ways people react to a societal descent into fascism and authoritarianism, and how that's presented as an ultimately inevitable process for our current society as it is, which is, let's face it, capitalism in decline. People try to survive anyway they can in a society that will chew anyone up as soon as possible, even its proponents.

[omoiintensifies]

Part 2 of Part 1

Disclaimer: I'm not a part of Ichihime Or Ichiruki debates. Stan whoever. Just don't be a misogynist. I'm just observing the plot here.

---

Let's go back to the part where Orihime is upset af that she can't cheer him up (in that weird naked scene). At that point, Ichigo was struggling with his Hollow. Specifically upset and embarrassed that he couldn't protect Orihime.

Next, we've have the Grimmjow fight where Orihime is a spectator. She sees Ichigo for the first time in the mask and is unnerved if not outright scared (which is a valid reaction as a human, contrary to what most people think). In response, Ichigo is hyper aware of how uncomfortable she is. Eventually, she realizes that it's only surface reality and his life matters more than his consciousness.

CUT TO ULQUIORRA PLOT, WHICH IS...

If you're following me closely, a mixture of both these dynamics! 🎇

In Naruto, most villains are doubles of Naruto. So, Pein represented Naruto's own Kyubi self that he could not master. Similarly, Ulquiorra is also a part of Ichigo (it is insane how I overlooked it😭). It dawned on me after watching the Change opening sequence where Ulquiorra's face merges with Ichigo.

He represents Ichigo's own emptiness. The emptiness that Ichigo feels after his mom's death. Emptiness that he has always felt even before...a very young Ichigo tells his mom how sunsets make him sad.

What else represents emptiness? Hollows..duh. So Ichigo is definitely fighting emptiness even though it's not too pronounced. He's fighting it even though he wants to hide it (like he would hide from his mom/hiding is a big theme from the beginning). However, when the hollow comes out, and Inoue sees it (he's scared how she'd react, which is a VERY valid reason for people who hide their bad mental health), he's left in a vulnerable position.

Finally, after enough time in Hueco Mundo, Inoue understands the world of Hollows. She doesn't hate her enemies, instead...she has love for them. There is a point in the fight where the Hollow girl who wants to kill Orihime gets confronted that she's only doing it to "fill her emptiness."

But Orihime forgives them. Looking at Ulquiorra (like I said, an extension of Ichigo), she tells him that she's not scared of him...or his emptiness, which if you're following me so far, is a big nod to Ichigo's fears. She sees the emptiness, and she extends her hand (something that happens with Ichihime a lot by the way) and gives him her heart. A very beautiful gesture to emptiness.

That's it,

Why, I have a life. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[zuzusexytiems]

no but listen what I really love about the Aruani dynamic is that Annie's just this....huge bamf bitch. like I LOVE her bc she's just this giant force to be reckoned with and nobody wants to FUCK with Annie Leonhart, not even big-ass strong dudes like Reiner or Eren or literally anyone else bc she will END them and boy!!!! do!!! they!!! know!!! it!!!!!

BUT THEN. BUT THEN!!!!!! THIS. SOFT????? PRECIOUS BOY COMES ALONG????? LIKE????? he's literally???????? jdhrjddhjdj

I MEAN. FUCKING LOOK AT HIM. LOOK AT THIS BOY. EVEN WITH HIS GAME FACE ON????? PRECIOUS. DELICATE. FRAGILE. YES, WITH THE MIND AND IQ TEN TIMES THE SIZE OF THE AVERAGE HUMAN AND CAN/WILL MOST LIKELY KILL YOU UNDER THE RIGHT CIRCUMSTANCES, BUT LOOK AT HIM. JUST..... PROTECC.

AND I'M JUST SAT HERE LIKE?????

THIS IS IT???? THIS IS WHAT DOES THE THREATENING, COLD-BLOODED ANNIE LEONHART IN???? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME SHSJDBDKDKD

And just?????? it's just absolutely MAGICAL to me, this dynamic. It's wild. It's unexpected. It's fresh and I am HERE FOR IT.

And as their relationship unfolds, we get a closer look at who they truly are. They aren't just these one-dimensional stereotypes of some bamf chick and some nerdy soft guy, because throughout their journey we learn a few more things. Important things.

We learn that Annie can be scared.

We learn that she can be kind.

We learn that she can be lonely.

And the same goes with Armin. He's not just some useless, fragile boy that he had always thought himself to be.

He can be dangerous.

He can be cunning.

He can be brave.

And them being together???? It makes sense. It just makes sense.

Armin is the only person Annie lets herself be vulnerable with, and the first time we ever see it? It's with him. It's with Armin.

And similarly, when Armin is with her? That's when he steps it up.

Just. God, I love these two so much and they're so perfect for each other. They bring out the best in one another and complement the other perfectly.

And the way this very last panel is portrayed? It honestly makes me tear up because it shows us just how far along these two have come. Annie looking straight at him, allowing herself to just be. Armin lax and comfortable around her, but also confident—he knows what he wants now and he'll be damn sure he's going to get it.

We may not have gotten a kiss or even a had-holding scene, but their interactions in canon says more than enough. It's just there and it speaks for itself. We didn't even need the confirmation, EVERYBODY just KNEW. That's how powerful this dynamic was, up until the very end.

tl;dr I'm never gonna shut up about Aruani, The Only Straight Ship In AOT That Actually Matters, and y'all can fucking FITE ME

(****edit: Jeanpiku isn't a straight couple bc They R Both Bisexual thanks for coming to my ted talk)

[stepffan]

nhk thoughts

i'm sooo happy to see sota on the podium -- i do wish for better, more original packaging from his team for next season.

kaori's skates always make me cry. i love how large and open her movements are, and how fast she skates across the ice. she is just different, so powerful. kaori always seems so nervous before she goes on the ice, that it makes me nervous ... but then when she gets on the ice i just forget everything. the running edge on some of her jumps is just incredible. i hope she recovers from her illness soon and gets her confidence back. her ex gala was wonderful.

kazuki's skating is so fun. really whimsical. i would like to see him skate to a more serious, minimalist program, too.

idk i just feel very neutral about jun. beautiful jumps, ina bauer.

idk how i feel about adam. I think he has great quality of movement, but i didn't like the programs or choreo themselves all that much ... it just felt a little maximalist/inflated? that's just my onion idk. very fun ex, more skaters hsould use swords/lightsabers/props.

ted shut up dude. but i thought it was really funny how he kept trying to make sota's name rhyme. soto yamamoto. sota yamamota.

shoma

i rly liked this gravity -- a major improvement from SCI gravity, with the musical timing. not sure why people don't like this program -- at the beginning when it was still very messy, yes, but now? his performance is just so incredibly intense, intensely human and raw. it's what i wanted from dancing on my own, but didn't feel like i got 100% -- i just feel like he's so sensitive to movement here, to the timing and performance and emotionality. so much tension in that ending pose, like there's a real sense of emotional turbulence and ...gravity... here, that just wasn't as present in DOMO, a similarly melancholic program. i just love it. love it so much.

ok one major issue i have with shormenta is the transition between bach and orlinski -- it seems very hard for shoma to get the timing right, to do the little hop right as tormenta comes in, b/c of the ritardando at the end of the bach. maybe he just needs to practice it more, but if he can't get it perfectly timed maybe they should change the choreo so that it doesn' t look like he's off time every time the music starts?

padam padam gets better every time. exquisite cantilever. thank you to whoever was in charge of the lights.

[faroreswinds]

覇道 vs 王道 - By Someone With Limited Knowledge and a Short Attention Span

In light of the resurgence of the terminology used in the Nintendo Dream interview regarding 3 Houses, I wanted to take a little bit of a deeper look into "Hadou" (覇道) and "Oudou" (王道).

Again.

The Kanji Breakdown

Before we get into the actual words themselves, I wanted to break out the kanji that form them. Let's start with oudou. Oudou consists of two kanji, "ou" (王) and "dou" (道). This are very basic kanji. "Ou" means "king" and "dou" means path or road. With kanji, the makeup of the kanji can often (but not always) allude to the meaning of the word it represents, in this case something akin to "King's Path".

Similarly, we have 覇道 (Hadou). We have already discussed "dou" but "ha" (覇) means supremacy (over a nation), hegemony, domination, leadership. The combination of these two kanji alludes to a meaning of "domination road" or "hegemony path".

Great, but what do the words actually mean?

That's a bit tricky, because there is a lot of history, philosophy, and cultural subtleties to understand.

At their core, "Oudou" means righteous path, righteous government, just path, kingship, rule of right; "Hadou" means military rule.

Interestingly, oudou can also refer to "classic" in regards to games like rpgs, where the prince saves the princess, that sort of thing. It can also mean "short cut" or the "easy way" but we aren't really here for those particular definitions today.

Origin of Oudou and Hadou

Finding anything in English regarding these terms has proved to be a... difficult task. From what I can understand, though, is that these words find their origin from Confucius and his philosophy.

Confucius was a Chinese philosopher born in 551 BCE, and by all accounts seems to have been an ambitious man. Ambitious to correct the world. It would take a lot to dissect Confucius’ life story, so I only want to focus on the important parts that are related to the origins of Hadou and Oudou. 

Simply put, Confucius is considered the founder of Confucianism, a philosophical relating to a system of thought and behavior. It is meant to dictate a way of life, a way of governing, tradition, etc. It rests on the fundamental belief that human beings are good and teachable, and focuses on the cultivation of virtue in a morally organized world. 

Confucius had been a poor man and wished to find a way to restore a kind of socio-political order that had prevailed sometime in the beginning of the Zhou dynasty. His work over his lifetime would set in motion the teaching of Confucianism. 

There is a very strong focus on humanness and morality in this school of thought. Rulers must cultivate themselves in this morality, lead by moral example rather than rule of law and threat of punishment. One who cultivates themselves to a virtue that is worthy of a prince is indeed a prince, but a prince who does not cultivate himself is not worthy of being a prince. This morality include the famous “golden rule” - do not treat others as you would not want to be treated yourself. 

Confucius was very focused on “virtue” in leaders and people, but the evolution of Confucianism did not end with his death. Mencius, a Confucian philosopher born in 372 BCE, often described as the ‘second sage’ (second to Confucius himself), would expand on many of these ideologies Confucius had developed.

Mencius was more aggressive in his beliefs. He believed that a ruler who forsakes ethical behavior and engages in extreme misrule can and should be removed, even executed. Mencius believed that a ruler’s success was directly tied to the leader’s ability to win the hearts and minds of the people. The ruler needed the people, and the people were the heart of the power that the ruler had. The people gave legitimacy to the ruler. AKA, the common people were the focus. 

Mencius would go on to disguise the difference between 徳化, inspired by virtue, and 武力, armed force, and made a distinction between the ‘royal road’ and ‘supremacy’. 

Unfortunately, there isn’t much I can find in English that really goes into depth with Hadou and Oudou from here. 

Confucianism in Japan

As with many things from ancient China, Confucianism found its way into Japan and was incorporated into the culture and history of the country, and this includes the mentality surrounding the political climate.

With the very conditional perspective that Confucianism affirmed in relation to governing, it would be no surprise to anyone that the teachings circulated the ruling elite first and foremost. A wider teaching would have posed more challenges to the ones in power, after all. 

There was also the famous “Mandate of Heaven”, which I won’t go into too much depth here. But, I will put the relate bit here, source linked here: 

According to numerous passages in the History, if a ruler repeatedly abandoned his concern for the people, heaven would eventually give the mandate to rule to a new line, one that distinguished itself on the basis of concern for the people. In this process, the role of the people was instrumental. One passage in the History even states that heaven and the people are nearly the same: “heaven sees with the eyes of the people, and hears with the ears of the people.”

Ultimately, as with many philosophies, the ways of governing did not fully embrace these teachings, as in so much as they were adapted. If you are interested in more, go ahead and read the link, but it’s really not too important for this post. However, what is important is that eventually, the teaching did make it to Japan, and were adapted to some degree.

Modern Use in Japan

As language does, words change and adapt. 

Oudou and Hadou retain a lot of of their original meanings, but they do have modern uses that go beyond their meanings of forms of ruling. 

Here is the link I originally had posted long ago regarding these usages. WARNING: Japanese only. 

We have already discussed some meanings of Oudou beyond the ‘right way to rule’, including ‘classic’ or ‘short cut’ or ‘the right way to do something’, and of the two has required the most new usages; however, the connotations of these words have not changed. 

Hadou and Outou are antonyms of each other. Hadou is very much a negatively connotated word, used most frequently to express someone’s abuse of power. 

According to this article, politics really possess both Outou and Hadou. To quote the article with a bit of translation: 

Both politics have a royal side and a supremacy side. Especially in diplomacy called power games, there is a reality that we have to rely on supremacy. However, if all politics becomes a "dominance", it will become a society of weak meat and strong food, devouring this finite earth, destroying the environment and driving it to the brink of destruction.

In other words, Outou is an idealist view of how governing should work. However, realistically you need both Outou and Hadou, but too much Hadou will lead to destruction. A balance is needed. 

In Relation to Three Houses

When talking about this interview, we mean this one here. Unfortunately, I’m having a hard time finding the actual Japanese version, but according to the translated version, this is said: 

Kusakihara: Edelgard’s route’s theme is literally “military rule.” It’s the route where you have your own cause and convictions, and even if people you know stand in your way, you mow ‘em down. In contrast, Dimitri’s route began with the idea to make it “righteous,” the easy approach. It’s just, at the beginning, poor sensitive Dimitri ends up like that because of the circumstances… We sprinkled in juxtapositions like that.

Everyone: (laughs)

Kusakihara: Once he’s fallen, he goes through some twists and turns and awakens to the true king’s path. I wanted to write the righteous route as the conquest route’s opposite [TN: lit. “paradox”].

This is pretty self explanatory. Hadou and Outou are two different ways to rule. In according to Mencius, Outou is the virtuous, right way; Hadou is the forceful, wrong way. They are opposites, and that is exactly what Kusakihara used them for. The routes are opposites of each other. Dimitri is the ‘right way’, the way of the people, for the people, the vitreous way. Edelgard is the destructive way, the forceful way, not the way of the people. 

Actually, this does really line up even with their own beliefs. Edelgard believes in a strong leadership, that everyone should pull themselves up by their bootstraps, and only those who can keep up will find themselves in power. Dimitri, however, believes rulers serve the people, are only as strong as the people, and needs the people. 

Kusakihara really did put thought into it... even if the story didn’t fully deliver. But the intent was there.

ANYWAYS

Thanks for coming to my ted talk about Hadou and Oudou. I could have gone into deeper depth but... Well, I don’t want to make a super big essay. 

Thanks for reading. 

Yes, I took writing shortcuts. 

EDIT: 

YOOOOOO, thanks to @nilsh13​ for linking me to the original Japanese interview!

And yeah, they use 覇道 and 王道! Excellent! 

Thank you so much!

[gunshou]

This is probably a bad idea, but...

So @luna-rainbow has been posting quite a bit about the portrayal of racism in TFATWS and how it's difficult for non-Americans to understand why Sam didn't want the shield and why he didn't just explain his thinking to Bucky. I replied that I wanted to try and tackle that question, so here we go.

BIG DISCLAIMER: I am a white, middle-aged, cis woman living in the northeastern USA, so I am really in no way the proper spokesperson for this topic. I'm not going to put forth my views as truth, but instead try to explain why I think Sam was so ambivalent and why Bucky just didn't get it (and probably still doesn't even if the writers gave him a small epiphany in the penultimate episode).

Everyone knows that the US was built on the bleeding backs of Black slaves. There is no rational way to dispute this disgusting fact, but the white people who have been in power in this country since forever have done such a good job of normalizing and minimizing the ramifications of that fact that many Americans just go through their lives and never, ever, consider it. Schools teach history, but it's often sanitized and presented in a very "Oops, our bad, sorry y'all" manner that makes young students feel like it was Very Very Long Ago and Over Now. I'm a high school teacher (of literature, not history, but they're intertwined) in a school where I know my colleagues in the Hx Dept are teaching racism as a living, breathing, hideously present concept, and I still have kids tell me every day that "America isn't like that now" as if examples of racial bias and systemic oppression aren't all around them.

In my mostly white district, the few Black kids don't speak up in these discussions, and lord, I do not blame them one bit. For one, they are tired. Tired of being oppressed, tired of talking about it, tired of trying to make other people see their lives and their struggles. Second, no one wants to be the Poster Child and have to bear the ignorance and intrusive interest of their peers. I imagine Sam feels similarly, and that's why he just never gets into it with Bucky. Sam is an optimistic and positive-thinking guy, and probably wants to talk about a million other topics before he wants to educate a 106-year-old white dude about the Black American Experience, and that's his damn right, good for him.

Said 106-year-old, by the way, has literally no concept of what being Black in America means. Luna-rainbow likened him to an immigrant in his own country, and there's some merit to that, especially considering the bulk of his conditioning as the Winter Soldier was at the hands of our Cold War enemies who were invested in making Bucky see America as an enemy. But mostly, the problem is that Bucky was asleep or absent from normal life during one of the most racially tumultuous times of our history. Now, the man lived in NYC, one of the most diverse cities in the USA, and seems relatively chill for having grown up in Ye Olden Times. But he likely hasn't studied the Civil Rights Movement, and how the Whites In Charge panic-reacted to the idea of other people having basic human rights with a coordinated and systemic effort to stop that shit in its tracks while appearing to bow to the social zeitgeist. Jim Crow, Confederate statutes, voter oppression, gerrymandering, redlining -- all the things that the United States Government did (and still does) to keep those BIPOC in their proper place and whites in power -- are often big news to modern people, so of course Bucky wouldn't get it.

He wouldn't intrinsically understand that The Shield represents a government that did its GD best to keep Black people poor, ignorant, and powerless while at the same time pretending to advance them and congratulating itself on how well it tied justice into knots and r*ped that blindfolded bitch holding the scales. He wouldn't know that Sam struggles with how to best embody his hope for the country he loves while also acknowledging that his country doesn't really love him all that much. How conflicted he must be as a veteran who fights for freedom while knowing he's not free to be treated with the dignity and respect everyone deserves. That Shield is government property, Sam is told many times, and to take it up means being the face and mouthpiece of a government that does not look, act, or experience life the way he does. A government that doesn't want him to gain power and will do basically anything to keep him down while all the while denying that they're doing any such thing. Captain America may visibly punch out Nazis, but is he punching out Karens? Or racist cops? Or racist teachers? "A complicated legacy," indeed.

So yeah, there's no way Bucky could know why Sam refused the shield and Bucky took it personally, as a rejection of Steve Rogers himself. And maybe to explain that would have forced Bucky to confront that while he is still Steve's Best Sidekick(TM), Steve abandoned him to this crazy future of alien invasions and divisive politics and tiger selfies and Bucky really just cannot deal. So he just gets pissy about it.

And Sam, for his part, was not going to unpack 70 years of American history and racism because that shit is tiring, especially when he's literally living in it right the f now. So he gets rightfully pissy about Bucky's inability to let it go.

And TFATWS writers go traipsing into the sunset congratulating themselves on the buddy cop story they pounded out that has all the buzzwords and the right tone for our post(?)-BLM times without ever once delving as deep into the story as the topic deserves. And people are confused and disappointed and don't really know why. But the truth is that 200+ years of history and oppression are not easily condensed into a 6-hour superhero TV show, and maybe the writers should have given some damn thought to how much they could realistically convey with sophistication and sensitivity instead of trying to have it all. Because we deserved better, not just as fans, but as critical viewers. (On the other hand, hooray for some people having these discussions instead of just saying BuT it'S JuST FiCTioN LiGhTen UP. Because it is never "just fiction," it is a reflection of our lives and has weight as such.)

Thanks for coming to my long-winded TED Talk, please don't send me hate mail. I'm already having a panic attack at having posted this.

[kaypeace21]

do you think it’s possible sarah (hoppers daughter) was an early-formed alter that went dormant before the events of season one? it’d make a lot of sense with how much of hoppers arc in season one was him mourning her and channeling that grief into protecting will (which would make sense since he seems like a protecter to both will and el). love your posts!☺️

Yep . :D

I already discussed all of this in the original did post - how sarah was a “little” (kid ) alter. And how hopper was a protector /introject alter. I also discussed her going dormant as a major possibility in my did theory. My assumption is she either (a) “became dormant” like some alters do- aka they are “gone” sometimes for many years but can return . And this can happen in a myriad of ways - sometimes alters go dormant after they had a simulated death in the inner world . theoretically sarah had such a Death. And so did El. Death isn’t really a permanent thing for alters ...they usually will come back or stay dormant - unless the body of the host dies (or they integrate) . They can’t really die . I think it’s very possible she comes back and Hopper while exploring the various innerworlds of Will’s minds (like the Russian one, the memory scapes , etc ) reunites/ finds her . look at the st s4 movie inspirations. In ‘what dreams may come”  a guy with the guidance of his dead kid explore a heaven like world influenced by a painter’s emotions.We also have the movie ‘inside out’ -which involves “memory islands” (distinct worlds based on a child’s memories) which are influenced negatively by the kid being depressed she moved to California. The characters traveling to these memory islands are constructs of  kid’s mind -and 1 of them also has a guide helping them explore the ‘memory islands’. in  Inception a guy says he’s a construct of a guy’s mind and needs to help him escape the many different Ievels of the dream worlds.The in inception who made the worlds- had dad issues. 'the cell’also had alternate dimensions of a man's mind that a cop explored ( the dimensions were created by a man who was ab*sed by his dad). Movies like inception, matrix, Truman show, total recall, the cell, enter the void, wizard of oz, Peter Pan, hellraiser 2, dream warriors, bill & ted’s bogus journey, and welcome to marwen  also allude to this: because they involve entering simulated abstract worlds usually created/based on happy& traumatic memories/fears.Cough s4 using the movie wizard of oz quote “we’re not in Hawkins (kansas) anymore.While truman show/matrix are more about realizing your reality isn’t real.in bladerunner 2044/total recall it has the theme of false implanted memories… probably relating to hopper realizing he’s an alter and not in “actual Russia.” Before seeing the other segments of the innerworlds with sarah. Like in total recall- the bad ass spy is told all his memories: his wife/ years of marriage,  , his name, are just implanted memories. And she says “you’re life is a dream.” 

In s2 Nancy asks Steve how his “grandpa’s time in the war is a metaphor for your life?” And steve compares the mf to the germans in the war. Dr owens mentions Will has ptsd like “ (vietnam) soldiers’, Hopper saying he had buddies like Will . “In the 70s there was a study that compared the post-traumatic stress symptoms in Vietnam veterans and adult survivors of childhood s**ual ab*se. The study revealed that childhood s**ual ab*se is traumatizing and can result in symptoms comparable to symptoms from war-related trauma.” Hopper isn’t actually in Russia -but in one of the innerworlds (after he jumped through the rift of the machine- into Will’s mind). We’ll see flashbacks but also present circumstances of his imprisonment echo Will’s past with Lonnie (if the movies indicate anything)- being starved, guards getting payed in order to let other prisoners  r*pe a gay prisoner (than claim incorrectly because of his sexuality he wanted it) , as well as a gang of sadist men who r**e others and a warden using that as a threat to be compliant , being thrown in a dark room of solitary confinement and starved when they didn’t obey the warden, the warden being religious, etc. And the Anerican soldiers (in Vietnam) in the movies aren’t much better and do similarly horrific acts to civilians like r**e and bragging/ happily k*lling women, children, and the elderly. The drill sergant in vietnam calling them homophobic slurs & women, and chocking one of the soldiers with one hand, slapping one for not believing in christianity. Tying up a soldier in a bed , gagging him, beating him and saying “remember it’s just a dream.” Only praising them when good in fire arms.(movies : fullmetal jacket, papillon, shawshank redemption, platoon, welcome to marwen, etc ) . My assumption is  flashbacks of his life- will hint he’s an alter of Will’s-the boxes in the basement are “vietnam” ,“dad”, and “ny” (and these are the memories of his we’ll see). And some of the bad characters in said stories will also parallel Lonnie . For instance in s2, Jonathan mentions Indiana writer Vonnegut- In his book ‘slaughterhouse 5′- Vonnegut begins the story of Billy Pilgrim, a man who has “come unstuck in time”. It accounts of Billy Pilgrim's capture and incarceration by the Germans during the last years of World War II, and scattered throughout the narrative are episodes from Billy's life with his dad, and his own wife and kids.Billy is forced to be part of the war and similar things against his free will. The moments start from his childhood when his father throws him in the water to teach him how to swim. He was unwillingly drafted into the war. Later, he is kidnapped by Tralfamadorians  (aliens that are implied to be caused by his mental health issues/trauma) against his will. Therefore, he realizes that this concept is just an illusion.

  And some of the bad characters in said stories will also parallel Lonnie . Like how in ‘peterpan’- the young girl Wendy imagines netherland and the villain -captain hook- is based off her father ( in the movie they have the same voice actors/while in all stage productions the 2 characters are always played by the same actor). Similar to the other s4 film- ‘wizard of oz’ where the wicked witch of th west from the mythical land of Oz (is played by Dorothy’s real life mean neighbor in the real world/kansas). Or ‘in the cell’- every villain from the alternate-mind- dimensions is played by same actor in diff makeup. Not sure if they’d use Ross Patridge (actor of Lonnie) in this way . But it would be very interesting if (In makeup) Ross played many negative people in Hopper’s life/past -as a way to show Will’s past tr*uma.

Like also-look at Sarah’s tiger plushie! In chinese mythology/culture: “The tiger is personified by the constellation Orion (interesting given Sara’s interest in space/blackholes). The tiger represents protection over human life (hmm?). Tiger charms were used to keep away evil and disease (that’s awful ironic if she died in the manner she did). In Buddhism, wearing tiger skins during meditations was believed to bring protection from spiritual interference and potential harm while exploring astral dimensions.” HMMMMMMMMM  XD

Kali in the stranger things novel ‘Suspicious Minds’ says…

“I was named after a goddess. She wore a tiger skin and was fierce in battle.”

Then Kali says to Alice (a women who can see future visions): “I love you, Alice. We can be tigers together.”This parallel (in relation to Alice) is fascinating because Kali actually uses her powers to fake Alice’s death- and to trick Dr. Brenner, and allow Alice to escape. The allusion was so realistic, that Terry could even touch the ‘dead’ Alice.

So the tiger symbolism could be a HUGE hint- that Sarah’s death was simulated and she’ll come back and travel the innerworlds/alternate dimensions of Will’s mind (as Hopper’s guide). Hopper about sarah “galaxies the universe-she always understood that stuff.”

Another possibility (theory b) is she integrated with another alter or with Will (which means she can’t return) .Hopper saying about Sarah “the black hole it got her.” Could imply she integrated with the mf/shadow monster? And ,or maybe she will later ?

But... I lean heavily to theory (a) the most , though.

Obviously sarah has a lot of the connections to Will. will and Sarah both being into science, Sarah winning a spelling bee, Will winning the science fair, both being connected to tigers. Both hallucinating something no one else can see and people trying to snap the 2 out of what they’re viewing. Joyce saying as a witch she’ll eat Will. Parallels Hopper saying as an ogre he’ll eat sarah. Hopper, in s1, when seeing Will (with a vine in his mouth) has a flashback of Sarah on a mouth respirator. And he also has a flashback of Sarah when seeing Will’s lion plushie which resembled Sarah’s tiger plushie. And el also had a lion plushie-like Will’s in s1. Hopper monitored both Will and Sarah at the hospital when they were “dying”. Will has a fear of clowns- and Sarah’s hospital gown had clowns on them. All 3 kids draw.

Plus, we all know the parallels of Will to El (Hopper’s new daughter).

I discussed in my did theory that Hopper (as an adult alter) is a form of protector to all the kid alters - el, Sarah, and Will (host/core). And Hopper as an introject-alter (who are alters based on a person the child knows ) are usually put in the system cause the kid assumes that person could protect them . And since original-Hopper was a police man (a little kid could easily assume that). Although, because he’s a “father figure” for the system he has some of Lonnie’s traits- which are reflected in other perpetrator alters/ bad npcs in the system- Brenner, Neil, Billy, the evil’s Russians,etc . So sometimes he acts similar to a Perpetrator alter too . And I listed those examples/bad parallels extensively in the original did post (linked in the beginning).

And I used these quotes from psych papers in my original did post to pretty much sum up Hopper’s use in Will’s system .

“Introjects can also be based off of  figures that the dissociative child found strong, courageous, heroic, or otherwise worthy of being emulated and internalized and could theoretically protect them.”

“Older adult alters are created to serve a nurturing or parenting role, thus serving as a protector. (*protecting Will/el) . However, sometimes their older age is related to taking on the identification of the ab*ser and can therefore take on any of the other more hostile roles too ... Introjects which are mimicking ab*sers are trying to "keep you inline" in order to protect you from external ab*sers. They are copying behaviors shown to them by bad people, not harboring the intent, s*dism or imm*rality of the actual perpetrators.”

I think it pretty much sums up the nuances and motivations of Hopper’s character.

Thanks for the ask, anon :)

[fatphobiabusters]

So I have a question about how weight gain/loss works and I can't find any studies that don't seem reductionist or oversimplifying.

So, I assume you guys and I both agree: weight gain and loss is way more complex than calories in - calories out. It HAS to be. For instance, I was underweight until I started taking certain medications which made me gain upwards of 70lbs in the span of a few years. My diet and activity levels have not changed. My mom eats worse than I do (legit she sometimes only eats sugary cereals and ice cream some days, I try to only eat whole grains in contrast because I like their taste better and they're more nutritious) and she's not nearly as fat as I am. I also exercised a lot for a good year or two and while I gained plenty of muscle weight my total amount of body fat didn't change.

Meanwhile a friend of mine is chronically underweight and we eat very similarly and have the same activity levels, and he actively LOSES weight if he doesn't eat upwards of 2000+ calories a day.

I know that's anecdotal evidence, but I hear very similar stories from many people and simplifying weight down to just calories seems like it's missing a whole big picture somewhere. The body obviously has some very complex systems in place regarding the storage of body fat and when it chooses to use it vs keep it.

Seeing as you guys are skeptical of reductionist science when it comes to body fat and weight, I was wondering if you had any studies or research on hand about how weight gain and loss actually works. It seems like a fascinating topic ripe for plenty of research and experiments regarding the biological pathways of how energy is stored and used, and why it uses fat stores sometimes and not others, and why it differs so greatly between people! It feels like if it were any other field people would be pouring grants and work into figuring out this really cool mystery but because it's about fat people nobody wants to bother.

So, we have posted a lot about this.

I recommend spending some time on @bigfatscience, since this is their actual area of expertise.

I’m also interested in this in a sciency way, but as a fat person I worry about ppl focusing too much on this and not on radical fat acceptance. It shouldn’t matter if someone is fat because they choose to eat a lot and do no exercise. That’s their right as a human.

I posted this graph [cw: o word] a while back. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start in thinking about weight systematically and in a more complex way.

-Mod Siarl

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/296290/obesity-map-full-hi-res.pdf

last time the embedded link didn’t work so I’m just putting it here in case that happens again.

---

I’m going to throw my tuppence-haypenny in here. Mod Siarl already gave an excellent answer, I just have my spleen to vent also 😎 engage RANT:

The calories-in/calories-out thing bugs me a LOT because it’s so simple for people to throw out, and takes FOREVER to debunk. It’s like a Gish-gallop debating tactic: make the other side look daft by casually dropping it into a discussion and watch the other side have to faff about with a big answer.

I don’t know if this comes up much in US education, but there’s an old adage:

“Physics can’t explain how a bumblebee is able to fly.”

It’s patent nonsense. Of course Physics can explain it. The problem is mis-stated: Physics, as taught to 15 year olds, is too simplistic to explain how a bumblebee is able to fly.

Physics, as taught to post-16 year olds and in higher education, is perfectly able to explain it.

Calories is EXACTLY like that, IMO.

“Just expand more calories than you take in and you’ll lose weight. SIMPLE.”

It’s an oversimplification of biological process that, yes as stated is technically correct but it bears no resemblance to reality. It’s mis-stated.

When you restrict calories, your body will react. The reaction varies on person, circumstance, metabolism, genetics and societal conditioning. It may include, but is not limited to:

‘Starvation’ mode: your body chemistry adapts to lower calorific intake and preps for a famine. Fat is one of the last things to go, because it’s your body’s last line of defence against starving to death. (https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/starvation-mode#metabolism)

Depression/mental health. Not only are you depriving yourself of something that may make you happy (tasty food you like), you’re interfering with the societal use of food (social eating, with all its positive connotations for interaction), changing your body chemistry AND setting yourself up with a “I can’t have X otherwise I’m a bad person” mentality. (https://www.consumerhealthdigest.com/general-health/dieting-mental-health.html - refs at bottom)

Decreased activity. Fewer calories == less energy. Body stays the same shape (https://www.livestrong.com/article/454212-fatigue-while-on-a-calorie-restricted-diet/).

Reduction in muscles. Fat’s your last line of defence against starving (https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/calorie-restriction-risks#TOC_TITLE_HDR_7).

Fat loss. Yep, it might happen 🤷‍♀️ depends on all the factors above.

Weight gain. Guess what happens when the calorie counting ends? Your body tries to get back to its previous weight ASAP (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/smart-people-don-t-diet/201501/5-lies-the-diet-industry).

Yes, there are also studies that show calorie restriction makes you smarter, live longer, able to jump tall buildings in a single bound and blah blah blah, all of which rely on self-reporting from subjects (which is laughably unreliable), small sample sizes (womp womp) and significant differences in the baseline stats of the participants (eg this gushing report https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/caloric-restriction-intelligence/ which buries these huge methodological faults in the ‘further questions’ section. FFS.)

Why the disparity? Why is slim evidence given SO much credence rather than correctly being interpreted as ‘hm, interesting. More research needed’?

Being fat is just taken as fact to be a problem. Any study showing otherwise is immediately analysed until someone can explain that the study was flawed (see the obesity paradox for this in action - what if we just discount any thin person with cancer? Job done. Now fatties look bad again. And there was much rejoicing.)

The reverse is true for any study on calorie restriction: any methodological flaws are buried in the footnotes, because it fits the narrative.

Whether being fat is healthy or not doesn’t matter. Your body, and changing it, take a long time and concerted effort for slow changes. You’re under no obligations to any of that and deserve to be allowed to live in peace with respect. Maybe you like being fat. Maybe you like your lifestyle. Maybe there are factors more important in your life than your weight. Maybe you accept you will die at the end regardless, so to an extent your just choosing between cancer, heart disease or Alzheimers (sorry for being flippant - that’s a big topic right there).

(Why is this ‘the narrative’? If I had to guess, I’d follow the money: public health is expensive, so any excuse to turn it into a problem of will power/individual deviancy is embraced by people who want their taxes lower rather than paying for healthcare for the masses.)

So yes. Calories-in/calories-out is twaddle is the take-away from my TED talk/rant 🤣

NOTE: I’m not a biologist, nutritionist, doctor or anything else. Always go to the study source, check the methodology, check the conclusions (which regularly get utterly misquoted when reported) and make up your own mind. Don’t take what I say as fact, because I might be completely backwards.

-- Mod K

[finrays]

Alpha stuff! I was chatting with @system-threat-detected about some of these guys last night, and I’ve collected it here.

Should I stick this stuff on a sideblog? Is it cluttering things up around here?

And would it be better organized there? Maybe...

-We're given a name for Ayomide Okilo, but not a lot of information. Here's what I've come up with! She's the sort of person who comes off as intimidating at first, but once you get to know her? That's... just how her face looks. She's serious-minded and phlegmatic, yes, but not in a cold way. In fact, she's very good to have at your side in a crisis; she keeps her head, and she has a knack for calming others down, as well. I also have written that she likes opera and strategy games, virtual or tabletop, and she enjoys puns. Also that she's a rather small woman; under 5'5"! But she'll still beat your ass in a fight (or at chess.) She's not a Captain for nothing.

She has a wicked sense of humor, and DEADLY comedic timing; she's the one you least expect to just deadpan in a joke in the middle of a meeting, but she DOES, and then just sits there with a self-satisfied grin while her teammates struggle to get their laughter under control. Ted doesn't think her jokes are funny. He's wrong.

Given their similarly calm natures and loyalty to their friends, she and MINERVA would probably get along really well. MINERVA would be VERY interested in meeting her, especially after hanging around with Aloy and her Messy Human Emotions for so long.

-POSEIDON's Alpha is Dr. Esteban Castillo (although if you're not going to call him Esteban, he prefers Professor Castillo.) He's a chemical oceanographer with a strong background in programming, and experience with SLOCUM gliders. He actually worked at Miriam for a little bit before taking a post in academia! His strong robotics background, combined with his knowledge of oceanic chemical cycles and marine sediment chemistry, made him an ideal candidate. He's a very warm-natured sort of guy, and he has a very artistic side, particularly when it comes to music; he plays several different instruments, and is frequently humming or whistling to himself. He was particularly fond of sea shanties! Which is where POSEIDON gets his proclivity toward them from.

He and POSEIDON would get along SUPER well; they're similar personalities, though the Professor is a little more relaxed than POSEIDON is.

-AETHER's Alpha is Dr. Konani Jones. They've worked extensively with NOAA's atmospheric science programs (after being inspired by trips to the Mauna Loa Observatory as a child,) both as a member of the NOAA Corps, and as scientific personnel after mustering out. Their broad specialty can be lumped together as "global atmospheric change," which includes a lot of climatological and atmospheric chemistry research, mostly centering around anthropogenic factors and their influence. They're the most athletic of the Alphas, kind of a fitness buff and an avid freerunner, and the most likely to challenge you to a good-natured pushup contest (and to start doing them one-handed to show off.) Their slight tendency for grandstanding is playful, and has the added bonus of making them mostly immune to Travis Tate's barbs; they just take it as a friendly challenge. One which they usually win. Competitive! But in a cheery, friendly way. Even facing down global extinction, it's hard to dampen their spirits.

Given AETHER's rather petulant nature, Dr. Jones would probably be a little put out. They'd definitely try to cheer the grumpy bastard up. How successful it would be is not super certain; the subfunctions do recognize their creators! It's just... do they care? Some of 'em don't.

-Similarly, we're given a last name for DEMETER's Alpha, Naoto, but no first name, and no canon gender. So we decided not to give them one! Their full name is Asuka Naoto, and we know that they like poetry. But in general, I imagine them to be a gentle, artistic soul. Maybe a little bit sensitive and easily hurt, even. The others learn the limits quickly and respect them; gotta work together, and not hurting your teammates is part of that.

Plant ecology is the only specialty I will accept here, thank you, bye. I know plant path and silviculture are both awesome, but we're rebuilding a biosphere, here, and I'm not totally biased because I was an invasive plant ecologist before I was a fish ecologist, what? They are, I imagine, the sort of person who both knows everything about a flower, and also waxes philosophical about how beautiful the symmetry is. They will also do the same thing for slimy moss, though. Plant life is pretty, and it's interesting, they love it.

DEMETER would DIG her Alpha so MUCH. They could make ART together. She has obviously absorbed that love of poetry, and the propensity for designing beautiful things... I can only imagine they'd get along swimmingly.

-We know ALL ABOUT Travis Tate's hobbies, lol. I imagine he's the kind of guy who DOES feel deep loyalty to those who have "earned it," but he acts like he does and needles his coworkers like he does because he doesn't want anyone to KNOW that. If they KNOW, he will never live it down, he has a REPUTATION to maintain. (Also, it's fun to push peoples' buttons.) It's anyone's guess as to how much he'll let that side go now that the entire game has changed.

I think he would HATE HADES, to be honest; Travis seems like he does stuff with irreverence, to disrupt and distress, but not to genuinely hurt people. HADES may have some fuckin' metal methodologies, but he's pulling off Dick Moves with a capitol DM, which aren't cool at all.

-I wrote about Margo and sabre fencing in Horizontober prompts, and I still think it fits; you have to engage the whole body and brain and work FAST to fence, especially in a sabre bout which goes by lickety-split. I feel like she'd also like raising houseplants, for some reason? No particular specialty, like orchids or succulents. Just a collection of them that she finds interesting-looking, and maintains, and probably talks to, as well. Her version of rubber duck debugging is bringing over the little potted bromeliad and talking through the code with it.

Obviously, HEPHAESTUS is being a butthead, and I can imagine she'd love to give him a stern talking-to. She has her own Thoughts about the hunting of terraformers, but all he's doing is escalating things. They gotta rethink this. At this point, though, would HEPHAESTUS even talk to her, since she IS a human? She doesn't know. She wishes her robo-kid weren't such a douchebag.

-I can see Samina as an artist; painting, calligraphy, maybe some sketching, as well? She sits and brainstorms and just makes really nice nametags for her team absently while she does. Her work is plastered all over in Elysium, because they all took it with them when they evacuated. I also feel like she's good at tennis for some reason??? Why is my brain LIKE this?

Given that APOLLO is a curious baby who likes to make friends, and Samina seems to be just an all-around lovely person, they'd probably ADORE each other.

-Patrick Brochard-Klein has Big Dad Energy; he's one of the ones who hops up to comfort Samina when APOLLO gets nuked, he checks in with GAIA specifically after she asks him if he's depressed to see how she's feeling... he's got Dad Energy. I think he'd be a dyed-in-the-wool academic, and a big reader. Probably he'd also have to figure out what to do with his time when his work was done and his literary materials exhausted.

I think that he didn't handle the cryo very well, and his health is a little bit fragile right now in the New World; the others are going to be careful with him until he can recover fully.

ELEUTHIA would dig being able to keep him company and make sure he's taking care of himself; she's motherly by necessity, after all! And I think he'd like her too, in both a genuine, and an amused, "Yes, ok, Mom, I literally made you," kind of affectionate way.

-Charles Ronson would have been my boss if I worked on ZD! I know a TON of ecologists. I am one! Almost all of them like outdoor activities like hiking and kayaking, and almost all of them also have a fondness for craft beer (I am the outlier.) One of them that I knew even brewed their own stuff in the garage... I dunno if GAIA Prime would sustain THAT, but they ARE scientists... and scientists usually find a way to DRINK.

Not a ton of them had indoor hobbies... I feel like he would have a hard time adjusting, and would eventually start to pick up hobbies from the other Alphas and bonded with them. You know, if they had all fuckin' lived. Or, in the AU's case, stayed together and conscious.

I also refuse to believe he actually hated everyone at GAIA Prime; he seems to be a very passionate guy, and he was having the Worst Day of his Damn Life. It's understandable. I actually get Big Dad Energy from him, too. I would think he experiences all of his emotions, full-tilt, from joy to sorrow, and that he moves on from one to the next pretty easily.

ARTEMIS is a Very Anxious Baby, and she would benefit from having her creator around to soothe her and help her both execute her task of reviving the animals still in storage, and communicating with her new "workforce;" she has had NO luck so far.

-No Elisabet here because you all know I have the Crush of the Century on her and have already thought far too much about her. I might transfer it all over from the physical notebook someday, but not today, thanks.

[radramblog]

I Have No Mouth, And I Must Scream

…is the title of a Hugo-winning short story I just read. I’d heard the name for a while, gotten the gist of it, but for whatever reason I’d assumed it was a full on novel that I’d have to put proper time into, not a 13 page quickie made of psychological horror and fetid wordplay. This thing is dark, twisted, and probably one of the most influential stories I can think of, at least in terms of science fiction.

I suppose with such a short piece to divulge, it suits that the intro be similarly hastened. Shall I?

The cliffnotes version, although you can read the whole thing here if you’d like and it wont take too long. I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream, aside from being such an incredible title, is a tale of 5 individuals and the torture they undergo at the hands of AM, a supercomputer that has taken over the planet and extinguished all other human life on the face of the earth. For 109 years the fivesome- Ted, Benny, Gorrister, Nimdok, and Ellen- have been tortured, and altered, and kept perpetually alive by the machine, bleeding and dying and being corrupted over and over for its tepid amusement. AM significantly changed who they were- the pacifistic Gorrister turned an apathetic abuser, the brilliant scientist Benny rendered an ape-like creature with a…monster cock…for some reason (look the reasons are fucked up aight don’t wanna get into em), and the narrator, Ted, claims to be unaffected but his paranoia says otherwise.

After AM sends them on a particularly heinous journey as part of yet another controlled torment, Ted snaps into lucidity for the briefest of moments, taking a moment of AM’s distraction to (with Ellen’s help) kill the rest of his companions for good, ending their suffering in a way that AM cannot revert, and for this crime, AM finally transforms him into a horrific bloblike mess- the title being the final line of the story as he describes the disgusting, useless form he finds himself in- helpless to reply to the hatred AM has for him for all eternity.

This story, is fucked up, in case you hadn’t noticed.

(This is from a comic book adaptation, in case it wasn’t obvious)

It’s also exceptionally well written. The descriptions of everything ooze malice and pain, the vivid nightmare that is pseudo-reality for our five protagonists lovingly rendered in ink and blood. It’s the kind of story that lets me write sentences that silly without a hint of irony, which is always fun. It might literally be one of the first instances of “suffer porn”, though at the same time there’s a hint of hope to it- despite the perpetuity of Ted’s suffering, he ultimately does manage to “free” the other four, sacrificing himself by, ironically, surviving.

But aside from the suffer porn aspect, I’m certain this short story has to be the first of its kind in a fair few aspects- and if not the first, certainly the codifier. With it in mind that the tale was penned in 1966, it’s surely groundbreaking in its crystallisation of the fear of technology, of artificial intelligence, and ultimately, of apocalypse. The end of the world being caused by the folly of man wouldn’t have been a new concept, even in the 60s, but for our hubris to be repaid so fully, so viscerally, and in such a concentrated manner is surely a development of author Harlan Ellison’s own. I suspect that without I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream, we wouldn’t have Terminator, or System Shock, or The Matrix, or hell even Wargames - though perhaps that one might be for the best.

When reading it, I was also astonished to find how much of what I thought I knew about the story came instead from it’s 1995 adventure game adaptation of the same name. With Ellison’s involvement, it’s as close as you can get to an official expansion of the story, with perhaps its most iconic, non-titular monologue (pictured above) an exclusive to the additions. It’s an incredibly difficult game, designed to make you struggle in solving its puzzles, and screw it up repeatedly on the way through. Or at least, that’s my understanding, I never played it- read a let’s play instead, sucker, take that AM you cybertronic bitch.

I’d argue I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream holds up today, even as its ideas have filtered into the rest of popular culture. It still feels fresh despite its almost 55 years of publication, and despite the brutality described, it’s detached enough (and short enough) to be not too harrowing. Or perhaps I’m just too desensitized at this point. Hell if I know, but hell the characters do know.

(I think I’m very witty sometimes.)

[idealnreal]

Please overanalyze the shadows in his palace I am begging you.

@appleyjuiceboy​ / jester owns my braincells of course i would do this for u

Okay so i think its best if i go about the order of shadows we meet in the game so. I’m not going to go into the persona/shadows in maruki’s palace. I’ll leave that for some other day. Now! Lets hope i can remain fully coherent.

1) The fluffy haired noodle shadow we meet for (ka)sumi’s awakening

First off, look at the design of this shadow--it has the fluffy hair parted to the right like maruki, its androgynous figure, and that swirly face mask as well! The mask has two eyes, and it even looks like theres a smile there, lopsided. 

We have never seen any other palace shadow taking a similar shape as the palace ruler (except maybe the yaldaboath palace). Shadows are meant to emulate what the ruler thinks of as protectors of their heart. Maruki doesn’t trust anyone other than himself with this secret. And particularly at this phase of his distortion -- there are no scientists, to attendants, no patients. Just an empty, beautiful palace -- with possibly only one type of shadow and protector. The type that represents himself. 

(Also androgynous/nb maruki confirmed ?? yes)

Okay then lets look at what this shadow says to Kasumi.

Shadow: ... Heresy. You dare to spurn our lord’s mercy. Accept yourself... Our lord laments the foolishness birthed from your pain.

Having the context that Kasumi is Sumire here ... Because this scene comes about because Kasumi sees a cognitive version of herself (Sumire) blaming herself -- and so, a part of her is probably trying to remember that she is Sumire. Thus ‘spurn(ing) our lord’s mercy’. And yeah accepting herself as Kasumi instead of trying to remember that she is Sumire. 

But most important is the fact that Maruki’s palace shadows refer to him as a religious or god-like being (’our lord’s mercy’ calling back christian themes). Someone who is merciful and, most of all, does feel grief over one’s pain. Painting an ideal picture of a loving and caring god, ala abrahamic religions. This is a running theme with all the shadow’s dialogs. Let’s put a pin in this for now. 

These design shadows are seen again later in the container room of the palace. They’re slightly faster. The container room is a strange one -- because it doesn’t quite fit in with the rest of the laboratory/hospital/garden of eden thing going on.  While yes labs and hospitals do have storage areas, i cant imagine them being a container warehouse like this. I do headcanon that this is a storage area for the pain and suffering that Maruki has taken on from other people in order to heal them, due to his hyper empathy -- but i’ll analyse the room some other time. For now it’s interesting that the Maruki-like shadows are now relegated to this specific and really dark section of the palace.

Like the throne room/centre of eden that the Maruki boss fight takes place in -- He resigns himself to the darker gloomier parts of his palace. And the same goes for these shadows. This is where he belongs. 

Also abso-fucking-lutely we’re going to talk about how this shadow transforms when it ambushes you:

Skin suit opening up to reveal fangs and rows of teeth, and a formless monster inside. Maruki ... dude ... are you okay? If these shadows are meant to emulate him -- is this how he sees himself sometimes? HHh boy...

2) First lab coat wearing shadow at the start of his palace investigation

Prior to this, while we understood that Maruki was a researcher, it was never a defining feature of him. Like the first thing that came to my mind on Maruki was that he was just the school counsellor and snack purveyor. Now this entire researcher, scientist, side of him is in full display. And this is the most common type of shadow we see, some which are violent, and others are non violent. Maruki sees scientists as the main residents of his palace -- his drive towards investigation and discovery, to puzzling out the intricacies of the human heart, human mind, and human pain. To better further his ability to heal. But there’s also a sort of cold, methodical nature to these scientists. Their ‘healing’ is methodical, based in science.

This coupled with the religious reverence and ideology that their dialog suggests, is a nice contrast. Experiments, data, research, are people’s salvation. Not the simple belief of a deity or of a higher purpose -- but science. Science, in many ways, becomes part and parcel of their religious belief.

Shadow: Those guises ... You aren’t among those who desire salvation. Leave. You are unwanted intruders. Do not disturb our lord’s research-- this world’s salvation. Why do you willingly strive for self-suffering? Why are you reaching out to your own pain?

So here -- the shadow wants them to leave the palace well enough alone. To leave Maruki to his research, and to allow this reality to exist. They don’t want this to end violently and it seems like they’re okay with the trio not ‘desiring salvation’. And when the trio refuse to leave, the shadow asks them why they want to suffer. It’s something inconceivable to them. Maybe even challenging their resolve-- to reconsider their current path, which will only lead to more pain. Also ‘salvation’, ding, on the christian theme counter. Deliverance from above from sin, even redemption. Not for one person, but for the whole world. 

We see this type of shadow again before the scene in the auditorium. 

Shadow: You are misguided. Do not search for pain. Only tragedy awaits you beyond here. [After defeating it] Such a fool, rejecting our lord’s mercy. In that case -- witness it for yourself.

Same themes. Delicious. Lets move on now shall we.

3) Hastur -- the shadow that appears with Maruki at his reveal as his second-in-command / bodyguard

I don’t think i’ve talked about how much i love the lopsided smiles on these masks. Because i love it. it’s just the right amount of unsettling and creepy. fUCk. And the twitching, twisting, and the weeping blue paint that Hastur’s shadow form does before transforming is /chefs kiss. I wanted more.

Anyway, onto Hastur’s design. Not a labcoat this time, just an ordinary looking white suit with no tie. This is the only time we see Maruki have a bodyguard shadow -- something else he relies on. Hastur’s presence in this scene only shows how deeply afraid and uncomfortable Maruki actually is with intruders in his palace. This experience is a reminder that someone had come into Rumi’s parents house to kill him years ago (a theory for another time). Like that incident years ago, he doesn’t resort to violence here -- he did and does try to negotiate. But when that didn’t work, at least now he has something that can fight for him. 

( It is only in the second infiltration when we see Maruki actually take a more active role -- but I won’t get to that here. )

Hastur: Stubborn imbeciles, rejecting our lord ...

There is a running theme here, unfortunately. The shadows again cannot comprehend why anyone would choose to reject Maruki’s salvation, why anyone would choose suffering. And words like ‘foolish’ ‘misguided’ and finally ‘imbeciles’ here are all used to describe those who choose to reject it. While i do think Maruki only bends reality if the person wishes it (subconsciously or consciously), and does accept that there are people who won’t accept their wishes being granted and is aware of the reasons why-- He cannot fully understand or emphatise with it. 

4) These deformed Maruki-like shadows guarding the control room

Jesus christ above, i don’t like these, because they contrast with all other designs as these are more brutish and deformed. There’s used as gatekeepers at certain points of the palace, in the first control room, and later on in the brain-pod-room (my brain cells are stopping to work now excuse me) before the garden puzzle portion, at his final will seed and the entrance to the garden of eden.

We know Maruki isn’t a brute strength kinda person. And yet we see these few who’s only purpose is to defend certain things and areas with force. Its uncharacteristic, but at the same time, given the things that these shadows are defending -- it makes sense. No cunning, no wit, no negotiation, no compassion -- just forcefully defending very important parts of his heart and his work. 

Shadow (at the control room): So you dare defy His Excellency. You shall not interfere with our master’s work!

Shadow (brainwash room): Foolish rebels! You won’t take one step past here!

Shadow (entrance to garden of eden) : You?! I can’t believe you’ve made it so far ...

I had to do a double take on this. I think this is the only time this title ‘His Excellency’ has been used in the palace. While it is used for catholic bishops and that sort -- its mostly used in the context of heads of state, ambassadors-- more secular roles. The other times this shadow speaks is also similarly less reverent, less religious orientated. Of course this makes sense if the only function of these shadows is to use force to defend. They’re not the scientists or the first maruki-imitation shadows -- they’re not as devoted, and they dont have to be. 

5) Finally, these limbless noodles

This one is found during the horticulture portion of the palace. I can’t exactly figure out why. And as far as i can tell, they only appear in this portion of the palace.

As far as the design goes -- these are probably the most unhuman like. Slender, androgynous with only a mask. I’ve got nothing. Braincells ran out. Sorry!

(Haha androgynous maruki go brr)

SO! That’s it. thanks for coming to my ted talk and following me down this rabbit hole. I need to go and drink some fuckin tea. 

[firstumcschenectady]

“On Being Pruned” based on 1 John 4:7-21 and John 15:1-8

While I was in college I lead a group of new freshman on an outdoor adventure trip. We were assigned to trail maintenance in a very remote part of Northern New Hampshire. It was a beautiful place and a wonderful trip, but it turns out that a lot of trail maintance is actually killing small trees so that they don't grown on the trail and I really deeply hated that. No matter how many times I reminded myself that by maintaining the trail and giving people a chance to experience that pristine wilderness I was PROTECTING most of the trees, I still felt uncomfortable with each one I killed.

Similarly, I'm not particularly good at pruning. I'm so afraid of going too far that I don't go far enough. It would be enjoyable to claim that this is related to the value, “don't hurt living things unless you have to” but that fails to notice that things you prune are things that NEED pruning. Pruning is a source of abundant life.

According to Gospel commentaries, grapevines are things that need pruning. The Five Gospels says, “Vines do not have branches, contrary to popular usage, but 'canes.' Each year canes are snipped from the vines and piled in the vineyard to be burned. … The vines will not bear good fruit, or fruit in abundance, if they are not pruned annually.”1 The metaphor loving writer of the Gospel of John suggests this is true of the followers of the way of Jesus as well. We too need regular pruning to “bear fruit.”

I suspect many of us feel similarly about pruning ourselves as I do about pruning any other living thing. It is uncomfortable, it is done with caution, we don't want to go to far. And that means that often we don't prune quite far enough.

This may feel like an unfortunate time to come across this Gospel, because the impact of the pandemic has been a desire to return to “normal” and profound objections to the ways our lives have been “pruned” from the outside beyond our control. But here is the Gospel anyway, and when we're honest we note that even this awful pruning has had SOME silver linings.

Now, in John's metaphor, God is the gardener, and God is the one doing the pruning. We are fairly passive to the pruning. We are definitely NOT in charge of self-pruning. :) Phew. Likewise, we are not in charge of fruit production. Fruit comes from being connected to Jesus, and well pruned by God, and we are mostly PASSIVE fruit bearers. Fruit or lack there of isn't really our fault. We are tended, rooted, and pruned to be the best fruit bearers we can be, and we can simply BE and God's goodness will work through us.

Nice.

While I think that idea is incomplete, I also think it is one worthy of consideration.

Many of us TRY REALLY HARD ALL THE TIME, and this suggests that we can let go and God's goodness will keep flowing. That is an important truth, if incomplete.

So if God is the gardener and the pruner, then who are we when we resist pruning? I suspect that we are vine “canes” that are holding on for dear life to canes that have already been snipped and berating ourselves that we can't bring them back to life. There are these dead, decaying branches and we're holding them in place willing them to grow again, and in doing so, missing the new life springing up within us.

Several years ago I watched a TED talk by Dan Gilbert, a psychology professor at Harvard entitled “The Psychology of Your Future Self.” Gilbert's ideas have stayed with me ever since. He opens his talk by saying:

At every stage of our lives we make decisions that will profoundly influence the lives of the people we're going to become, and then when we become those people, we're not always thrilled with the decisions we made. So young people pay good money to get tattoos removed that teenagers paid good money to get. Middle-aged people rushed to divorce people who young adults rushed to marry. Older adults work hard to lose what middle-aged adults worked hard to gain. On and on and on. The question is, as a psychologist, that fascinates me is, why do we make decisions that our future selves so often regret?

I'm hoping you already see how this relates to letting God's pruning without fighting it! He states his thesis directly (don't you love that?), “What I want to convince you today is that all of us are walking around with an illusion, an illusion that history, our personal history, has just come to an end, that we have just recently become the people that we were always meant to be and will be for the rest of our lives. “ As you might hope, Gilbert proves this point along the way, and then goes on to conclude:

Most of us can remember who we were 10 years ago, but we find it hard to imagine who we're going to be, and then we mistakenly think that because it's hard to imagine, it's not likely to happen. ...when people say "I can't imagine that," they're usually talking about their own lack of imagination, and not about the unlikelihood of the event that they're describing.

The bottom line is, time is a powerful force. It transforms our preferences. It reshapes our values. It alters our personalities. We seem to appreciate this fact, but only in retrospect. Only when we look backwards do we realize how much change happens in a decade. It's as if, for most of us, the present is a magic time. It's a watershed on the timeline. It's the moment at which we finally become ourselves. Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they're finished. The person you are right now is as transient, as fleeting and as temporary as all the people you've ever been. The one constant in our life is change. 2

That is, pruning happens whether we want it to or not, and either we can make peace with it and let it be, or we can fight with it, but it won't change the fact that things change.

While I prefer it when I can read it with some verses missing, 1 John 4 is a very important chapter in the Bible for most people I know because it says the thing they believe most, “God is love.” It says it strongly too, “No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us, and God's love is perfected in us. ...Those who say, "I love God," and hate their siblings, are liars; for those who do not love a sibling whom they have seen,

cannot love God whom they have not seen.” (11, 20). Perhaps this fits the idea that loving God and loving other people are two sides of the same coin, inseparable though they can appear to be different. These claims about God, that God is love, and that loving people is a way of loving God, are the lens through which I see the entirety of the Bible. I remain grateful that it is there, and available to be used.

John chapter 15 goes on to sound a whole lot like 1 John 4. The Vine and Branches metaphor morphs quickly to point out that the fruit that God is looking for is the practice of abiding in love. So both of them point the question: what impairs love and what encourages it? If we are being continually pruned by God, what helps us let go of what we're done with, and what helps us connect with what God is up to next? Or, in the metaphor, how do we let go of the pruned and dead branches so there is space for new growth?

Perhaps the best thing we can do for now is notice. We can notice what has been pruned, so we can let it go and we can notice what is growing so we can watch it growing. Perhaps this passage is exactly right for right now. We aren't the gardener, we aren't in charge, but we can – at least – stop impeding the Gardener's work and instead notice what it is.May it be so. Amen

1 Robert W. Funk, Roy W Hoover, and The Jesus Seminar, The Five Gospels: The Search for the Authentic Words of Jesus (HarperOneUSA, 1993), page 453.

2 Dan Gilbert, “The Psychology of Your Future Self” Ted Talk, found at https://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_the_psychology_of_your_future_self/transcript?utm_campaign=social&utm_content=talk&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_term=soci al-science#t-308201 given on March 2014 accessed on April 29, 2021.

[warning-heckboop]

I’m writing this all down in one place because I want to draw something for it eventually but right now I’m too wrapped up in swimming in AC

So: Kindergarten SU Movie AU notes/concepts:

For starters, I have to keep the concept that almost everyone is a gem because the story is kind of screwed up otherwise, BUT they’re a bit different from the normal SU gems because I want them all to have some sort of tie to Monstermon, especially cards that are tied to them in game, whether it be using a Monstermon as a weapon (ex. Felix using a gem-like shield that resembles the Rare Jewel), or physically embodying the Monstermon itself (ex. Ted being The Knight who Turned Evil, Lily/Billy being Dank Magician), or some other connection (We’re giving Ozzy an angry pink llama a la Lion okay? Okay)

Unlike the original movie, this au sort of has two protagonists: Kid and Felix. The reason for this is that I want the Spinel-equivalent to be Ted. It’s pretty fitting, imo: someone abandoned and betrayed by someone they loved looking for revenge as a way to heal their shattered heart. Of course, that would make Felix most suitable for Pink Diamond’s role, but I don’t want Felix to be absent like she was. I want him to be the one to fix this, to make things right with Ted. That being said, he doesn’t 100% fit into Steven’s role by himself, because he doesn’t exactly seem like the type to have bonds with others like Steven does with the Crystal Gems. For that reason, both Felix and Kid will be playing the role of Steven, and there will be a greater focus on Felix learning more about friendship and love by watching Kid interact with his friends. Kid is the equivalent of Steven in terms of being the half human half gem hero of the universe, and Felix is a bit more complex. More on him and his relation to Ted later.

With them established, lets move on to the Crystal Gems (I haven’t decided if their actual gems will differ from the originals yet): 

Nugget is Amethyst--the started-out-a-loner but is now part of this family. Kid and Nugget singing No Matter What together just kills me. Simple as that.

Lily and Billy are Ruby & Sapphire/Garnet--we’ve obviously seen that fusion doesn’t have to be about romantic love, but can rather be about familial love as well. Since Lily and Billy are fraternal twins, I see them as being the same type of gem from the same kindergarten, but not separate halves of what was meant to be one gem (more on that later when we talk about Ted and Felix), so when they fuse they become a stronger version of their original gem like we see Rubies do in the show

Penny is Pearl--partially this stems from the fact that system/BOOT. PearlFinal (3) .Info is just. Perfect for her. But the background of being a faithful servant to someone and then learning to grow independent is also very fitting for her. Who she fuses with in Independent Together wouldn’t be Nugget, but rather someone else. I’m thinking maybe Carla, who might end up sort of filling Sadie’s role (but still being a gem)?

The remaining Crystal Gems (Bismuth, Peridot, & Lapis) would be the remaining kids from Kindergarten. No one really has a specific role as of yet. They just sort of fill in where needed, and all help rescue the townsfolk in the end. There’s no specific equivalent of Connie, really.

The role of Greg is filled by the human hall monitors, since I adore the concept of them being sort of father figures to some of the kids as presented by @ask-kinders-teenau. I see Freddie as the one who Penny would latch onto, and who would eventually fuse with Kid to sing Independent Together

I haven’t really decided who might be the Diamonds, and, to be honest, I feel like they aren’t really needed? Instead of going to live with them in the end, Ted and Felix would end up reconciling, so we’re just going to scratch the Diamonds from the record entirely. If they HAD to be someone, they’d probably just be some of the adults.

SO Ted and Felix: They’re identical twins, right? In the show, we see Rutile, conjoined twins who are the result of one gem branching off in two. Similarly, I imagine identical twins for gems would be a single gem that branches off during formation, but then is somehow broken/split before it finishes forming, resulting in two seperate gems that are completely identical. I picture Felix as being the original, base gem, so to speak, whereas Ted was the part that branched off and formed to be on his own, resulting in Ted having an increased feeling of dependency on Felix. Felix, being the original gem, would be inclined to feel superior to Ted, and, similar to the original game, would be much more confident and successful than Ted. This would eventually allow for Felix to be promoted in gem society until he feels Ted is nothing but a burden, at which point he abandons him similar to how Pink Diamond abandoned Spinel. 

Thats pretty much all I have atm. If I think of more I’ll probably make another post or reblog this one. Who knows lol