#apologies if they're not

[friend-of-a-cat]

I've been debating on whether or not I may be agender (or something similar) for the past two weeks or so, and I'm legitimately so confused about the entire thing. I feel like it's breaking my brain, because, on one hand, it feels somewhat right, but on the other, I also don't give a shit if people see me as a woman? And I'm fine with being a woman I think, but I also think I just generally don't give a shit about gender, so I don't know if that just makes me gender indifferent or if it means something else.

Ultimately, I know that if I want to take up the agender label that's totally up to me if I feel it fits, but it's just... confusing. I don't know if my indifference to gender stems from something like my asexuality and sex aversion or my upbringing (my mum didn't necessarily raise my brother and I as 'genders', we just did whatever and dressed however and liked whatever) or a general dislike and rejection of gender stereotypes or something else. But also... I don't know. I feel like I also have a kind of blockage to the idea of me being agender from living my life as a woman up until this point. Like, I feel conditioned to it, if that makes sense. I feel biased. Though I also think, at least right now upon writing this, that if I could have picked a gender earlier in life, and I wasn't conditioned by society to be a one already, I would have picked none if I had've known that was an option? But I'd also just go along with anything. Like, if I were born male I think I would have just cruised by in life as a guy and not really cared (except for the fact that I also would be thinking the same things I'm thinking right now I guess lol). I've realised that I don't really feel connected to 'woman' as a gender (I mean, I relate to being a woman, but also not), or even really the concept of gender, because I think it's kind of stupid and pointless to me. I mean, in saying this, I am still attracted to guys romantically, and that has to do with gender, so...?? I don't know. Like, I know that you can still be a woman and not be feminine and shit, but like... I've never related to people of my gender. I mean, I like feminine things and I like masculine things and I like gender-neutral things but I also don't think we should label things as 'feminine' or 'masculine' or 'gender neutral' or whatever because who cares?? I mean, some people do. Lots of people do. People do feel a strong connection to gender, and I think that's great, and I'm happy it exists because it makes people happy, but like... I don't think I've ever thought to myself "I'm glad I'm a woman". But I'm also not NOT glad to be a woman. I just haven't really felt a connection or a 'pull' to any gender, really. I mean, kind of. But not really. I'm relatively indifferent to the concept as a whole. In saying this, I've related way more to guys throughout my life, and many of my friends have been guys because I've just... had more fun and related to them more? Though this wasn't entirely because they were guys - it's just because of the people they were. But I also don't exactly feel like I'm a guy, either. And I don't exactly feel like I relate to being nonbinary. The concept of calling myself trans also doesn't fit. Some days I do feel like it would be really cool to just... be able to shapeshift and try out different things just for fun and to see how I'd feel? Like try out a different sex and gender and appearance and see. I like the way I look, though. And I'm fine with using she/her because I don't know what other pronouns I'd use?? Like I've been referred to as such my whole life and I don't really care but also right now I'm kind of like ehhhh. But I don't know if I'd want to go by they/he/whatnot. I know there are tons of other options but ehhh. If my pronouns were 'none' I think that'd be cool. Maybe. Maybe it would be less complicated. Dude, I don't know. It's 2:28 a.m. and I'm confused and I don't know if this makes any sense. I also feel like I'm flipping between feeling like this and then also not. I think just needed to ramble a bit to some strangers on the internet to get my thoughts in order lol.

I guess another reason I made this post is... does anyone else feel the same way? I mean, obviously people do, but yeah. I also know a lot of ace people (and aros, as well) experience a kind of disconnect with gender as a whole or their body - not that I personally feel disconnected from mine, per se (though if I didn't have fucking boobs and a reproductive system that'd be swell, but it also just is what it is, you know? I don't really see that as dysphoria, it's more like they're annoying and useless to me lol). I don't know if this is that - a disconnect from gender due to my asexuality. Like... for the people who do 'feel' gender... how? How do you 'feel' it? What is it meant to 'feel' like? I think I might need some helping sorting out my thoughts. Or not. I don't know.

Anyway, I think, first and foremost before any label, I'm just me, and that's okay. Even though I love that we have more terms to express ourselves in such ways now, it's still limiting. I'm ace and I love that the term exists because it's felt empowering to me (also pretty lonely, too, but... you know). Like... I'm ace. I'm ace and it feels so good to say it. Demiromantic fits me the best in that department at the moment, too. I don't know if agender fits me or not yet. This has been stewing for two weeks though and I don't know what exactly set me on this line of thought. I've decided I'm going to sit on it for a while and think - and by 'sit and think' I really mean probably forget about it because gender is something I rarely think about in any context (besides when I'm angry at people for being discriminatory). Though, the reason why I didn't realise I was ace until a few years ago when I discovered what it is is because I never thought about sexual attraction because... I never felt it, so... I could use that logic here, too. But it's sadly not that simple to me right now lol. It's hard to express stuff like this. As in, stuff you DON'T feel. I know it doesn't have to be hard, but I'm finding it hard lol, and I don't really know how to go about it. And again, I keep changing my mind on my thoughts and feelings because the whole prospect is daunting to me.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED Talk. As per usual, thoughts and discussions are welcome. I kind of feel like I'm oversharing my life, so I'm so sorry lol. Also this is a long post lmao. But it was kind of nice to put this into words.

It's also kind of funny that this crisis is happening in pride month. I fully came to terms with the fact I was ace last pride month and actually told people then lmao (I did know a year or two earlier but didn't tell anyone about it besides my mum briefly and vaguely lol). Anyway, happy pride?? Lol.

[theballadofmars]

I love how mqf's oficial description is something like: a good heart who wants to help others but then you read the novel and his reaction to lqg trapping ten infected men who are crying in panic is "great now I can start to work in my experiments with decomposed people to find a cure" and gets out a lot of needles, which makes the man cry even harder.

Even if we only get bits of the other Cang Qiong sect leader's we can reach the conclusion that no one there is normal, sqq is just biased.

[pigswithwings]

PRINTER?? or brick phones :3

hi its been like 4 months enjoy

[crimsonrain-spirits]

xianle trio,,,,,,i love them dearly,,,,

[hopeinthebox]

bts + reductress headlines pt.14

[n0-n1c]

listen. this man canonically wrote a sad song about the first kinslaying. which he took part in

[theangelofbrahma]

[youchewnet]

"tits or ass" bro her hard drives

[fatuismooches]

Dottore and his segments get a taste of their own medicine after giving you a job of your own. (In other words, you ignore their need for attention in favor of your work, they get pouty, just like you did.)

As of late, a peculiar sight had made its way into the lab. Actually, peculiar wasn't even strong enough of a word for the agents to use. They had nearly tripped over their feet once they saw the new area of their working quarters in the lab.

In addition to their Lord Harbinger's desk (that was shared amongst the segments depending on the day), there was now another desk on the opposite side of the room, and the cute decorations on it were quite noticeable. Photo frames and stationery. A comfortable and plush chair with a blanket that dropped over it.

... A plushie version of the Harbinger that laid on Dottore's desk, commissioned by you to motivate him.

(A side thought - the number of desks the Doctor had was something to wonder about. One in the lab, one in the office, one in the bedroom - no wonder things were always scattered around the place. But that was something for another day...)

And most importantly, you, Dottore's spouse, standing next to their Lord, rocking back on your heels nervously as he introduced you as their new co-worker.

—

It all began when you approached your husband with a very simple request.

"Dottie, I want a job!" You said with enthusiasm, smile as wide and proud as ever. The scientist paused his work and turned to look at you with a blank expression.

"... A job, you say?" You only puffed your chest out more at his confirmation.

"Yes, a job. I mean, being your lover is already a lot of work for my poor back, but I want to actually work with you! With your research and stuff, like the old days!" Your excitement was completely serious and were it not for your health, it would have been infectious for the scholar. Rarely did he ever meet anyone who was truly interested in his work. But of course, certain restrictions have held you back for a long time now.

"We've already been over this. My work is too dangerous for you," the Doctor sighed as he turned back around to continue whatever he was doing.

"I know, I know, but I meant other kinds of stuff. I've been thinking like... a desk job! It doesn't have to be anything dangerous! I could... sort papers for you? Oh, and you have one of those fancy stamps, right? I could stamp them too! I could rewrite your notes... ah, and the best part - I could help you write reports too! You always liked my essays, didn't you?" You were doing your best to provide Dottore with a convincing case, snuggling up against his firm back. Only another sigh escaped your husband, not really that convinced.

"Come on..." you inhaled his familiar scent, tinged with that laboratory smell that never seemed to go away, but somehow brought comfort to you. "I've been so bored lately... and lonely," you muttered the last part pointedly. "I just want some work to take my mind off things!"

Indeed, there was always limited entertainment and pastimes to occupy yourself with. It was especially boring on days you couldn't get out of bed, or when no segment could afford you attention...

"And you know what, I could give those agents of yours some writing tips, too!"

Yes, there had been many times his employees were not up to his standards, despite how many of them fawned over him (for some odd reason)...

"And I'll be helping you too! It's good for everyone."

Of course, you always felt rather good about yourself if you managed to help him, being the Second Harbinger and all...

"I suppose I shall give it some thought-" Before the man could finish his sentence you started squeezing him tightly while hopping in delight.

"Oh, thank you! So, when do I start? Do I get one of your huge desks too?"

"I didn't say yes yet, darling."

"Shh... we both know what you mean!"

—

And that was how you now clocked in at "work" every day with the agents (later than normal, but you had special privileges.) It was daunting at first for the poor souls, even the ones who secretly admired you from afar (being in the fan club and all.) Even though initially you were merely sorting papers, you were the most important person in that room.

However, soon enough, going to work in this dreary lab became a lot more cheery thanks to your sweet demeanor. Somehow, the atmosphere had become a lot less tense since the last time the segments visited.

The agents had little to no problem speaking to you like a normal person, after you had graciously given them tips on impressing the Harbinger.

"Psst..." you were hovering behind an unsuspecting agent, reading the report she had for Dottore, who jumped at your whisper. "You know, he might click his tongue if you give him that." Although her mask covered her face, you could see that half surprised at how you popped out of nowhere, and half agreeing with your words. Perhaps she felt comfortable enough to spill the situation to you.

"I-I am well aware of that," she deeply sighed, "but no matter what I write, my Lord always seems to be unsatisfied..." You patted her shoulder in sympathy. Having worked with Dottore since the Akademiya days, you knew very well of his distaste for certain things.

"Well, that's why I was hired, friend! To make his and your life easier! See, look here, that's a no-no, he wouldn't appreciate those details, mhm, but this needs to be elaborated on more, uh huh..." Of course, being the good spouse and employee you were, the report was converted into the best one that had ever landed on the Doctor's desk.

On your lunch break, they provided you with some juicy gossip about anything they could get their hands on (the fan club had long reaches, apparently.) Frequently you had to debunk things about Dottore... (the handbook was swiftly revised.)

Needless to say, things seemed to be going well. You looked happier. Motivated. Having new "friends" as your company (that still watched their mouth around you after a single glance from the segments.)

However... an issue arose after a while. One that seemed entirely stupid and impossible.

Now that you were so caught up in your work, when the segments finally had some spare time to come to you, they were... rejected. Yes, they had come to you, fully expecting your devoted attention and kisses that you always gave them without hesitation, but now turned away. (Even more embarrassing, sometimes in front of the agents who kept their eyes glued to their strange chemicals.)

—

It was Omega, of all segments, who was turned away first. The most confident and charming of the bunch left uncharacteristically silent. He had come up behind you and traced his hands against your neck, always being the one who had no shame in touching you. You only softly giggled at the sensation and caught his hand in yours.

"It seems you've been busy for a while, dear." In truth, it was mostly you seeking him out and not vice versa, but the segment hadn't seen you invading his office in a while. The space had gotten too quiet without you.

"Mhm! But I can't imagine how much work you do. My desk is nowhere as cluttered as yours," you smiled as you felt the segment kiss your lashes.

"What do you say to a break with me?" Omega offered, already knowing what your eager response would be.

"Nah, I can't right now."

...

Your words took a few seconds to process through his head.

"Pardon?"

"I have all this work, 'Mega, and other people need my help," you shrugged your shoulders as you swung your legs. "But don't worry. I'm sure we can spend some time later!" You kissed him on the cheek and pulled your chair in before continuing your work.

Omega, the greatest segment, was reduced to a blankly staring man who had been deprived of his lover's attention for the first time.

He was irritable for the rest of the day.

—

Beta was next, the poor thing.

You were always the one he blew off steam to, always willing to listen about his gripes and complaints, offering him consolation in the form of kisses and soft words.

However, you hadn't come to visit in so long, the segment was all pent up and now the agents were beginning to fall victim to him.

Fine then - he'd seek you out. Not because he needed you or missed you or anything of the sort. You were just... halting his progress with the lack of your presence. Yes, that was it.

And so the scientist, donning his grand pink bow tie, swung by your desk.

"So this is where you've been? How boring." Beta was not a segment that you'd want to do paperwork. He much preferred to be hands-on.

"Ah, Beta!" You brightened in delight at seeing one of your lovers. "I missed you!" At least you were always honest about your feelings.

... But to cut a long story short, Beta faced the same conundrum that Omega did.

Someone got turned into a floating Ruin Machine that day.

—

By now all the segments had experienced being turned away from work. Alpha's signature scowl had become permanent. Zandy was pouting the whole day as he missed his parent. Foxttore kept to himself with a pathetic sopping wet eye. His segments were fighting with each other inside his mind, a great nuisance.

All because you were too absorbed with your work to pay them any attention.

... The Doctor was now realizing that it sounded like a very familiar tune sung by you. So this was what you felt for days on end? Now, it was easier for him to understand why you were always upset if you were ignored too much.

Still, it was mortifyingly embarrassing that his segments were reduced to this pitiful state just because you rejected cuddles a few times. Regardless, it was up to him to solve the issue. After all... he missed you too. He wanted you to be around him more often again.

And so the Doctor made his way to his beloved.

There you were, all cozy on your seat as you sorted through some papers. Really, he had no clue you'd be this productive, to be honest. At least it was proof that your health hadn't gotten worse, considering how well you were handling this.

"Aren't you the one who kept saying to take breaks?" His voice made you jump a bit, having not heard him walk up.

"It's you, Dottie! I was wondering when you'd come around. And of course, I take breaks, Dottore. I have lunch with the other agents!" Ah, another party that's been hogging your attention.

"You know, this job has been pretty fun, Dottore! Everyone's real nice, we make jokes, I get to write about interesting things..." You continued to go on about the research and while usually he'd be intrigued by your findings, this time he had enough.

Dottore picked you up like a long cat as you squealed from the sudden grasping.

"What are you doing?!"

"You're coming with me," was his cut and dry response as he lifted you into his arms.

"B-But I have to work on the big report for Pantalone!" Dottore's eye twitched at the mention of the banker.

"Someone else can."

"But I-"

"I'm not listening to anything you say further," he plainly said as he walked with you cuddled into his chest as you gawked at him.

Could he be... jealous? A wee bit lonely? You kept your guesses to yourself as he eventually bought you back to his room and laid you on his bed, not even saying anything to you before sitting at his desk.

Did he simply miss your presence that much? You felt a bit bad neglecting your lovers that much. But to be fair, they kinda did the same... sometimes. You got up to console your silly husband, who was just a man in your hands.

"Hey... I missed you too, dear husband... but I had to make sure no one stole the title of best assistant from me!" Dottore only sighed at your foolishness.

Of course no one could ever replace you.

"I know you'd rather die than admit it... but don't worry. You're lucky I'm sensitive to your feelings," you teased as you kissed the top of his mask. "I'll pay more attention to you and the segments, before they cause another headache for you, love. You'll give me some vacation time off, right?"

You laughed at your own joke before Dottore pulled you into his lap, biting down hard on your neck.

—

"Beloved, would you care to join me in discussing your work?"

"You fool, they're obviously coming to my lab to activate a new Ruin Machine."

"But [Name] is supposed to play with me today!!"

"As if, they're far too busy to join you all with your silly games."

"You all will stress them out with this arguing. Now, why don't you join me for a cup of coffee instead?"

"Grr, gr gr, grr!"

It was good to be loved so deeply.

[egophiliac]

well, I can't say I expected the new chapter to feature Idia (metaphorically) going to (metaphorical) hell, getting a pep talk from his (metaphorical) Phantom brother which helps him finally move on once and for all from his brother's death, and (metaphorically) overblotting again to fight his way back out of (metaphorical) hell, only to have his darkest fear (non-metaphorically) come true when his mom goes through his computer and finds all his secret files. but I am glad it did!

also this is all a flashback for the purpose of explaining to our group what the heck is going on (whether or not any of it is getting through is another matter)

[jackie-mae]

Simple Brainrot wasn't enough no no, My brain had to convince me to plan seasonal outfits for this subpar series I never actually finished

(Thank you to @catzgam3rz for pushing me to post this and yelling at me whenever I showed you the finished product :p)

Versions with just the outfits (Like the second Aphmau) Under the cut!

[zoey-withay]

i made gravity falls themed converse (and i'm not kidding when i say my blood and a potential deal with bill cipher went into this)

[chronologically-challenged]

Siffrin: Hey, Stardust, any ideas for this loop?

@chipper-smol This is how I picture the start of 80% of their conversations going after awhile in role reversal au.

[acetier]

"Be a good mongrel and stay. Down."

[sherrymagic]

Aou Thanaboon and Boom Tharatorn WE ARE | EP. 11 — behind the scenes

[viyojo]

You're a kid now…🧍‍♂️still a kid now!