#apologies if they're not
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I've been debating on whether or not I may be agender (or something similar) for the past two weeks or so, and I'm legitimately so confused about the entire thing. I feel like it's breaking my brain, because, on one hand, it feels somewhat right, but on the other, I also don't give a shit if people see me as a woman? And I'm fine with being a woman I think, but I also think I just generally don't give a shit about gender, so I don't know if that just makes me gender indifferent or if it means something else.
Ultimately, I know that if I want to take up the agender label that's totally up to me if I feel it fits, but it's just... confusing. I don't know if my indifference to gender stems from something like my asexuality and sex aversion or my upbringing (my mum didn't necessarily raise my brother and I as 'genders', we just did whatever and dressed however and liked whatever) or a general dislike and rejection of gender stereotypes or something else. But also... I don't know. I feel like I also have a kind of blockage to the idea of me being agender from living my life as a woman up until this point. Like, I feel conditioned to it, if that makes sense. I feel biased. Though I also think, at least right now upon writing this, that if I could have picked a gender earlier in life, and I wasn't conditioned by society to be a one already, I would have picked none if I had've known that was an option? But I'd also just go along with anything. Like, if I were born male I think I would have just cruised by in life as a guy and not really cared (except for the fact that I also would be thinking the same things I'm thinking right now I guess lol). I've realised that I don't really feel connected to 'woman' as a gender (I mean, I relate to being a woman, but also not), or even really the concept of gender, because I think it's kind of stupid and pointless to me. I mean, in saying this, I am still attracted to guys romantically, and that has to do with gender, so...?? I don't know. Like, I know that you can still be a woman and not be feminine and shit, but like... I've never related to people of my gender. I mean, I like feminine things and I like masculine things and I like gender-neutral things but I also don't think we should label things as 'feminine' or 'masculine' or 'gender neutral' or whatever because who cares?? I mean, some people do. Lots of people do. People do feel a strong connection to gender, and I think that's great, and I'm happy it exists because it makes people happy, but like... I don't think I've ever thought to myself "I'm glad I'm a woman". But I'm also not NOT glad to be a woman. I just haven't really felt a connection or a 'pull' to any gender, really. I mean, kind of. But not really. I'm relatively indifferent to the concept as a whole. In saying this, I've related way more to guys throughout my life, and many of my friends have been guys because I've just... had more fun and related to them more? Though this wasn't entirely because they were guys - it's just because of the people they were. But I also don't exactly feel like I'm a guy, either. And I don't exactly feel like I relate to being nonbinary. The concept of calling myself trans also doesn't fit. Some days I do feel like it would be really cool to just... be able to shapeshift and try out different things just for fun and to see how I'd feel? Like try out a different sex and gender and appearance and see. I like the way I look, though. And I'm fine with using she/her because I don't know what other pronouns I'd use?? Like I've been referred to as such my whole life and I don't really care but also right now I'm kind of like ehhhh. But I don't know if I'd want to go by they/he/whatnot. I know there are tons of other options but ehhh. If my pronouns were 'none' I think that'd be cool. Maybe. Maybe it would be less complicated. Dude, I don't know. It's 2:28 a.m. and I'm confused and I don't know if this makes any sense. I also feel like I'm flipping between feeling like this and then also not. I think just needed to ramble a bit to some strangers on the internet to get my thoughts in order lol.
I guess another reason I made this post is... does anyone else feel the same way? I mean, obviously people do, but yeah. I also know a lot of ace people (and aros, as well) experience a kind of disconnect with gender as a whole or their body - not that I personally feel disconnected from mine, per se (though if I didn't have fucking boobs and a reproductive system that'd be swell, but it also just is what it is, you know? I don't really see that as dysphoria, it's more like they're annoying and useless to me lol). I don't know if this is that - a disconnect from gender due to my asexuality. Like... for the people who do 'feel' gender... how? How do you 'feel' it? What is it meant to 'feel' like? I think I might need some helping sorting out my thoughts. Or not. I don't know.
Anyway, I think, first and foremost before any label, I'm just me, and that's okay. Even though I love that we have more terms to express ourselves in such ways now, it's still limiting. I'm ace and I love that the term exists because it's felt empowering to me (also pretty lonely, too, but... you know). Like... I'm ace. I'm ace and it feels so good to say it. Demiromantic fits me the best in that department at the moment, too. I don't know if agender fits me or not yet. This has been stewing for two weeks though and I don't know what exactly set me on this line of thought. I've decided I'm going to sit on it for a while and think - and by 'sit and think' I really mean probably forget about it because gender is something I rarely think about in any context (besides when I'm angry at people for being discriminatory). Though, the reason why I didn't realise I was ace until a few years ago when I discovered what it is is because I never thought about sexual attraction because... I never felt it, so... I could use that logic here, too. But it's sadly not that simple to me right now lol. It's hard to express stuff like this. As in, stuff you DON'T feel. I know it doesn't have to be hard, but I'm finding it hard lol, and I don't really know how to go about it. And again, I keep changing my mind on my thoughts and feelings because the whole prospect is daunting to me.
Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED Talk. As per usual, thoughts and discussions are welcome. I kind of feel like I'm oversharing my life, so I'm so sorry lol. Also this is a long post lmao. But it was kind of nice to put this into words.
It's also kind of funny that this crisis is happening in pride month. I fully came to terms with the fact I was ace last pride month and actually told people then lmao (I did know a year or two earlier but didn't tell anyone about it besides my mum briefly and vaguely lol). Anyway, happy pride?? Lol.
#my ramblings#uhhhh#yeah so this is a post i guess#that i'm putting out there#i was going to let it sit in my drafts for a bit and see how i was feeling but you know what?#i'm posting it now#just going to tag some stuff i think is relevant#apologies if they're not#(also to be honest i want this post to reach people because i need help sorting out my thoughts lmao)#agender#asexual#aromantic#aroace#demiromantic#acespec mafia#nonbinary#lgbtqia+#gender#or a lack thereof i guess lmao??#if you read the tags... hi!
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I love how mqf's oficial description is something like: a good heart who wants to help others but then you read the novel and his reaction to lqg trapping ten infected men who are crying in panic is "great now I can start to work in my experiments with decomposed people to find a cure" and gets out a lot of needles, which makes the man cry even harder.
Even if we only get bits of the other Cang Qiong sect leader's we can reach the conclusion that no one there is normal, sqq is just biased.
#the other sects when they have to invite cang qiong: they're our brothers but for fuck's sake they're so weird#sqq is a drama queen married to the demon lord#lqg is an obsessed fighter with no survival instics#sqh is a spy married to ANOTHER demon that somehow is still in the sect doing taxes#qqq could kill you with a look but she also makes fun of tiny lbh in the extras#you know the emperor#so she has probably zero survival instics too#mqf is one step away from becoming a mad doctor#and they're lead by the n°1 apologizer#i love them let me meet the rest#svsss#scum villain self saving system#mu qingfang#liu qingge#shen qingqiu
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xianle trio,,,,,,i love them dearly,,,,
#first actual tgcf fanart i've made in a while oh boy#maybe i'll make more :)#ANYWAY SCREAMING AND CRYING AND THROWING UP I LOOOOOVEEEE THESE IDIOTS#THEY'RE SO. MWAH#also im ngl i didn't really know which designs to use so i kinda just. did a fusion + my own thing LMAO apologies if it looks off#<3#art#my art#tian guan ci fu#tgcf#tgcf fanart#heaven officials blessing#heaven officials blessing fanart#fanart#xianle trio#mu qing#feng xin#xie lian#mxtx
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PRINTER?? or brick phones :3
hi its been like 4 months enjoy
#pig does art#objectum#objectum art#OURGGHHH SORRY it took forever to do that last panel my apologies#but seriously youre so real for this. printers are BEAUTIFUL!!!!! i love their shapes... their design their little lids and trays.#gosh they're awesome. gave affection to my own printer while making this they're so beautiful#longest fuckin art id in my life lets get it
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bts + reductress headlines pt.14
#if seokjin can make a comeback after an outrageous number of months then so can i. it's a FESTA GROUP EDITION BABY!!#no but can you believe the last edition of this was seven months ago?!#i can because i've been wracked with guilt about it for- well - seven months or so now. but i digress.#hope you enjoy!! - tags for everyone!!#userdimple#raplineuser#annietrack#boongitrack#usersky#heyryen#usermaggie#userkelli#reductress#reductress headlines#textsfrombangtan#bts#now i must admit i've had a couple of these ones sent to me over the years (years?!) so i can't take full credit for this edition#i can't be sure but i'm thinking probably kayla and apryl so thanks very muchly darlings#apologies for the archival bangtan in the middle there but it was the most wtf is wrong with all my friends pic i could find#(i'm lying they're literally all like that)#see you in six months or so i guess? jfc
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listen. this man canonically wrote a sad song about the first kinslaying. which he took part in
#maedhros#maglor#ukulele#tolkien#the silmarillion#tolkien elves#elves#tolkien art#pen and ink#youtube apology#oh no. they got cancelled. again. anyway#donate to their curu-fi and follow them on kinstagram#how else will they feed their kidn-- er-- adopted kids?#pipeline: original songs -> storytimes -> “family channel” vlogs#elrond & elros are convinced they're kept alive for content
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#torchwood#doctor who#saw someone do this for dungeon meshi and decided the whoniverse needed one#i hope nobody has done this already#ianto jones#tosh sato#owen cooper#captain jack harkness#the doctor#martha jones#rose tyler#bill potts#missy doctor who#danny pink#clara oswald#amy pond#rory williams#they're all autistic you're honour#there's more but i'd be going on for ages#angelofbrahmaaa#formal apology to other whoniverse media not included#i have not yet watched them so didn't know whether to add them
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"tits or ass" bro her hard drives
#txtposting#there's somethin really comforting to me about the whirring of hard disk drives#my homelab pc has a lot of em and it's so nice being around while they're doing their thing i love girls#objectum#apologies if this exact post has been made before. btw. my bad
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well, I can't say I expected the new chapter to feature Idia (metaphorically) going to (metaphorical) hell, getting a pep talk from his (metaphorical) Phantom brother which helps him finally move on once and for all from his brother's death, and (metaphorically) overblotting again to fight his way back out of (metaphorical) hell, only to have his darkest fear (non-metaphorically) come true when his mom goes through his computer and finds all his secret files. but I am glad it did!
also this is all a flashback for the purpose of explaining to our group what the heck is going on (whether or not any of it is getting through is another matter)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 chapter 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 chapter 7 spoilers#it's okay she said she didn't look in the password-protected folders#your secret recipes are safe#what's up guys it's IDIA TIME#red idia. redia. is this anything#(my thoughts are all over the place so this is not going to be comprehensible sorry in advance)#woooooo and his character arc is resolved!!!!#including my new favorite shroudbros interaction#idia: ortho i need to apologize for how much i must have hurt you --#ortho: whatever niisan i went to SPACE#they're so stupid. i love them so much.#not to mention idia starting to realize something is up when he pulls 3 ssrs no problem#(stares at 3 currently-running ssr pickups) twst is mocking me personally#aw man though! i forget if he had that line before about crimson muscle coming to his entrance ceremony or if that's new#either way i think that's sweet!#there's been a bit of a running subplot that idia actually really does want to be friends irl#but is too shy/anxious and convinced crimson would hate him immediately if they ever met#so idk. it was kind of a throwaway line but it still got me! when are he and lilia gonna meet for reals :(#(this will definitely involve makeovers) (this is not how idia expected their friendship to go but he has no choice now)
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steddie sketches
#stranger things#stranger things season 4#steve harrington#eddie munson#steve stranger things#eddie stranger things#steddie#habs art#doodles#steve's little ice cream uniform is so funny I think it's a crime eddie didn't get to see it#older art ! these were the first sketches of them I ever did so apologies if they're a bit jank
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Simple Brainrot wasn't enough no no, My brain had to convince me to plan seasonal outfits for this subpar series I never actually finished
(Thank you to @catzgam3rz for pushing me to post this and yelling at me whenever I showed you the finished product :p)
Versions with just the outfits (Like the second Aphmau) Under the cut!
#my art#mystreet#minecraft diaries#mcd#aphmau mystreet#aaron lycan#garroth ro'meave#mystreet garroth#laurence zvhal#dante mystreet#katelyn mystreet#lucinda mystreet#travis valkrum#vylad ro'meave#nana ashida#kawaii chan#zane ro'meave#apologies if they're hard to see on mobile#I made the canvas really long to fit everything and didn't think of the consequences#CatzJacks myst rewrite
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i made gravity falls themed converse (and i'm not kidding when i say my blood and a potential deal with bill cipher went into this)
#apologies for the shitty quality of the photos 😭🙏#i'm honestly very proud of these and i will in fact be wearing them everywhere#also there's two question marks on the tongues (is that what they're called?) of the shoes#but i couldn't get a good photo of them 💀#gravity falls#gravity falls fandom#the book of bill#pines twins#dipper pines#mabel pines#stanley pines#grunkle stan#stanford pines#grunkle ford#bill cipher#i can't feel my fingers anymore...
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Siffrin: Hey, Stardust, any ideas for this loop?
@chipper-smol This is how I picture the start of 80% of their conversations going after awhile in role reversal au.
#isat#isat spoilers#loop isat#siffrin isat#TECHNICALLY#in stars and time#isatrolereversalau#rolereversalau#this has been in my head all day#listen they're still siffrin even if loopfrin told them everything siffrin would still find a way to say 'okay but how do you know MY-#-FRIENDS would accept me. We've done different things!!!' to which loopfrin apologizes to Loop in their head for having to deal with this#siffrin would rather chew their arm off than Talk About Their Feelings so uh. Might take a bit for them to get there even with loopfrin#im not redoing all the tags but loopsif is the name for clover star siffrin not loopfrin#i had a fifty fifty and beefed it ooop#my posts
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"Be a good mongrel and stay. Down."
#elden ring#shadow of the erdtree#messmer the impaler#messmer#torin#tarnished oc#messmer x tarnished#ace draws#tw blood#was working on other things and suddenly had to draw this in a frenzy#literally the “i'll cut your throat” “you're beautiful” meme#they're both Going Thru It#i'm still v fine and normal abt this man#never had so much fun getting destroyed lmao#i spent entirely too much time on this but anything for my boys :'^)#i may owe hornsent an apology for not summoning him for messmer's boss fight#but tbh there was no way i was going to share lol
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You're a kid now…🧍♂️still a kid now!
#if it's not clear this is me doodling human versions of the promo kids lmao#my art#scribbles#v#splatoon#if anyone is interested in thoughts:#3 promos have mostly natural hair but dye or bleach ends for subtle style. hiroooo also has beads in place of suction cups and at the ends#veronika has a bandage over their face btw and the purple tips are from hiroooo's dye#I was thinking about school kids primarily with 1 promo kid#so mainly natural hair color with a few rebellious streaks of color#orange inkling girl also has 2 pigtails from the back that she either has over her shoulders or brings to the front yor spyxfamily style#also choppy sidebangs I imagine she cut herself#she also has moles and blue boy as freckles#2 characters were definitely the hardest because I draw them the least objectively#I think since they're supposed to be the 'trendy flashy stylish' types they can have near full dye jobs that have fried their hair#their eyemask substitutes are just just bits of graphic makeup in my vision lmao#apologies for the rambles I've just been sitting on human designs for a bit and it literally just clicked tonight
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Manifesting Max win in Silverstone and no Brits on the podium because I NEED THE SKY SPORTS COMMENTATORS TO BE FUCKING HUMBLED MY GOD
#f1#formula 1#formula one#max verstappen#apologies to lewis & george who are catching strays here they're not the brit who is currently in my bad books#manifesting alex charles & oscar doing well too
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