#anyways. something about how a person changes over the year..

[bringbackmaes14]

Genderfluid person and would be fine with it. My stepmom is the person who helped me be okay with it.

My stepmom got diagnosed with breast cancer in 2016. Back in 2016 I still identified as a woman and I was very attached to my long hair (it was probably down to my butt at that point). Well of course when my stepmom started chemo her hair started falling out, and I saw how upset she was about it. She got to the point where she asked my dad to shave her head for her, not all the way bald, mind you, more into a crew cut style just so all the hair that was falling out wasn't super long big clumps.

And my dad is. Well. I don't know why my stepmom is still married to him and I don't know why he's not in prison for events of my childhood let's just describe his personality that way.

So he's buzzing her head and he tells her he has a surprise for her. And my younger sister and I watch in horror as my father proceeds to change the head of the razor for a closer cut and shave a horseshoe into the top of my stepmom's head (she's an Indianapolis Colts fan). She was mortified when we started yelling and telling him to stop and she realized what he was doing but the damage was already done. He tried to laugh it off and say her hair was gonna fall out anyway so what did it matter if they did silly things with it. Then when that bothered her more he tried to shave the horseshoe into a heart and tell her he loved her but then of course she had an even larger bald spot on her head, and at that point, through tears, she just told my dad to shave her head completely.

So as much as my stepmom tried to make becoming bald her decision (because it was inevitable because of the chemo), that little bit of control she had over it was taken by my dad, and I remember how much that hurt her. I remember my stepmom trying out different wigs and bandanas and hats. She'd wear them whenever she left the house. In the early days, she's even put on a hoodie or hat just to go get the mail from the mailbox. She was embarrassed of her baldness (she told me that, wanna make that clear, I'm not just assuming her feelings). She even wore them around me and my siblings for the first week or two after my dad shaved her head.

I always felt really bad because I thought my stepmom was pretty before her head was shaved, and while I definitely wasn't used to seeing her bald or with a wig, I didn't think it made her look bad either. Honestly nowadays it's weird to imagine my stepmom with hair because she's been bald for so many years now lol.

But I remember one night after dinner that kinda changed things. My dad and stepmom's house was open concept, so you could look out over the kitchen island right into the dining room and on the back dining room wall were these huge windows that looked out on the back deck.

My stepmom was standing at the kitchen sink, at that island, washing the dishes and I'm clearing the table. We're having a conversation about something or other, I don't really remember what, but what I do remember is getting cut off suddenly because my stepmom looks up from the sink towards where I'm standing in the dining room during the conversation and very suddenly gets startled, gasps, and then doubles over laughing. She was cackling in a way where I couldn't help but laugh myself even though I didn't know what was so funny.

I asked her what was so funny, and when she was finally able to catch her breath she told me that she thought she saw some random weird old guy standing on the porch but it was just her reflection in the window and it was so ridiculous that she couldn't help but laugh.

It was kind of from that point on that my stepmom became a lot more comfortable with her baldness. I gained a lot of respect for her in that moment and a lot of clarity about my own life. I think that was the first time in my life that someone had shown me it was okay to laugh about your own illness/disability. I'd had other people, even family members and people I thought were friends, laugh at my disabilities. And my mom (who primarily had custody of me and my siblings) kinda always freaked out about any self-depricating humor or humor that otherwise played up our disabilities so they weren't jokes I grew up feeling comfortable making (for fear of setting off my mom, not because I personally wasn't comfortable). But it was my stepmom who showed me there are ways to be silly and stupid about my disabilities and to laugh them off and not be so serious about them so they don't have to drown me every moment of the day, even when the physical aspects meet me every time I look in the mirror.

And like I said, it's hard to imagine my stepmom not being bald now. And because of her I don't think I'd be too worried about it because I think even if I didn't like it at first I could learn to laugh about it.

(I actually came pretty close to shaving my head last year. I keep the sides/back of my head shaved with it longer on top, and I officially decided to do that because of my shoulder injury and how much trouble I was having brushing my hair and keeping it out of my face on windy days on campus, but I almost considered getting a fully shave. I've just kept the style I got for ease because I ended up also liking it for gender reasons!)

We ask your questions anonymously so you don’t have to! Submissions are open on the 1st and 15th of the month.

[azriaann]

so fairy tail 178........

first of all... I will always HATE the dumbass-ification of natsu's character. og natsu would actually be rolling in his grave listening to the hyq version yap about "needing to be the one to defeat ignia" and feeling threatened because the fire cat wants to go talk to ignia instead??? wdym happy is the voice of reason... of course a part of natsu's character has always been comedic relief and he is supposed to be dumb (to an EXTENT) but it is just so genuinely difficult to enjoy his screen time in hyq... like pls don't make me hate my boy...

I do also wonder how this little fire cat knows about natsu's supposed "power". tbh I haven't paid attention to the manga in a long time because nalu haven't had any screen time but the cat saying that natsu needs to "eat those [special flames] ... [to] awaken [his] power" is certainly interesting. like I'm really trying to not be hopeful here because hyq almost never delivers (💀) but come on... they're FINALLY referencing the first (and only) interesting part of this series (natsu's loss of control over his power in literally like chapter 20 or something LMAO). I don't really understand what "the power to make a prison of flames" means or how it's ... relevant? but they are speaking my language with "...that will burn everything up" (hyq 178.. yes im citing my sources!).

anyways so in ft og, natsu's initial transformation into end is followed by his flashback to Lucy being 'dead', to which he says "nobody can stop me now" (ft 504). the only time we have been shown (supposedly???) demon (?????) natsu in hyq was in chapter 22, which can only be argued based on his appearance and behaviour being the same as it was in ft 504, seeing as his demonic state was never mentioned by any other character after or during chapter 22. obviously the language in the chapters mirrors each other, as he states "I have to burn every single thing... until they all turn to ash" in ch. 22, so this HAS to be leading up to natsu losing it again lol... and the supporting language from 504 (see prev. citation), along with Lucy's position as (somehow) the only person who was scared of natsu's fire in ch. 22 implies that she SHOULD have an imperative role in the finale as the only person who can "stop" natsu should he turn into a demon again (504).

tldr surely this shit is leading up to a nalu + end!natsu finale and im going to be confused if it doesn't!

I also wanna talk about Lucy's new magical role because? what????

I really don't understand Why an entity known as a "dragon god" that has been around for hundreds of years just fuckign doing his own thing would have a key?? that allows some random chick (sorry Lucy xoxo) to summon him whenever??? make it make sense? does this imply that every single dragon god (and even maybe dragon?) would have a key? I feel like this bs is antithetical to the entire purpose of dragons in the series as creatures that have not only ended humankind like 3 times, but also as monsters that humans had to develop special magic to defeat? I don't feel like finding a source for it but like majority of the plot lines of fairy tail revolve around the incredible power of dragons and their unwillingness to bend to human authority (eg. Irene, igneel+co as the exception, zeref+natsu's family's demise, the dragon festival, AND SO ON). why on EARTH would a dragon, let alone a dragon GOD, allow a human to have control over his agency? it makes 0 sense... even if this dude is a good guy.

moving on... I think that it is funny for the writers to have Lucy be a celestial spirit wizard for 700+ chapters and then randomly change her role into a "summoner" in a small, anticlimactic blurb in a chapter that does not even revolve around her (178). regardless of how I feel about that, shouldn't that be a much bigger deal?? shouldn't there be a lot more unpacking of her new power (which I guess isn't really new but still)? this dude says "wizards who have keys and get their powers from gates ... are collectively known as 'summoners'"... which still implies that there are different versions, so like why should Lucy be able to just summon who ever? "collectively" places the term "summoner" as an umbrella term, like I don't understand how that is supposed to just explain that she suddenly is more than a celestial spirit wizard??!! fuckass "im sure you can summon a dragon" like okay. wrap it up. I just feel like this isn't necessary and I can't even understand why they're doing this? bro just like expand on celestial spirit magic instead😭 ffs just have her get the key of Draco or something good lord LIKE THAT WOULD MAKE SO MUCH MORE SENSE. IT WOULD BE UNDERSTANDABLE FOR THAT GUY TO HAVE THAT KEY AND IT WOULD MAKE SENSE FOR HER MAGIC'S PURPOSE😭 sorry guys this series actually pisses me off so bad LMAO...

tldr being able to summon a dragon god is antithetical to the entire existence/purpose of dragons in the series and also having Lucy not "just" be a celestial spirit wizard is dumb as hell because they could've just expanded her magic and/or given her the key of Draco.

wait I feel like I need to say that Lucy is my fav character ever and I love her so much and she is kick ass... the reason why I don't like the random power up is because (in my mind) it undermines the power that she has already worked for herself by giving her this random ability to summon a dragon for no reason instead of expanding on her fundamental talents. like she has the power of the STARS how is it possible that they can't work with that instead of giving her random abilities???? maybe im biased because star power is awesome in my head but STILL

... fuckass yukino is gonna come on screen and immediately be able to summon a dragon too... just watch.......

[sulphuricgrin]

Sujamma Sundas...on Middas

(I wasn't sure I was going to do this for a few reasons honestly. but fuck it. gotta get over some anxiety)

tagged by the wonderful @changelingsandothernonsense and lovely @lillxart

I'm late but I guess I'll tag anyways, no pressure tho: @hircines-hunter @sanza-17 @flycasual @bookworm-driven-insane @poor-ciceros-voring-again @thescrolls-haveforetold @gamevoidartblog @scholarlyhermit @aleielle-of-roshar @oblivions-dawn (if any of you done it already, sorry!)

Topic: This week, Sujamma wants to know about YOUR OC's special someone. What makes their relationship special? How did they meet? Were they enemies to lovers? Lovers to enemies? Lovers AND Enemies? Are they romantic or platonic? What's their favorite way to cuddle? Favorite date night? Anything and everything you can think of 💕

Elikar is aroace like me c: I have a potential idea of a QPR with Serana. But that's an underdeveloped idea right now.

So I guess I'll ramble a little about Lilliandra. Romance isn’t a thing that she thinks about in a partner necessarily, it's usually just what she can get out of the relationship. She’s also more the type to obsess if anything. (She's a villian protag, is it really a surprise her relationships are fucked?)

We've got Cinnara, Talserion, and Miraak. I'll be short with the first two. I don't wanna spoil everything.

Cinnara

She’s the first love, the first Lilli latched onto and refused to let go. (Until she had no choice but to let go)

They've known each other since they were little girls. She enjoys the attention, the love from her. There’s something so addicting, seeing the change in her smile as she looks from a person to Lilli, the way it lights up differently. (Yet this doesn’t stop Lilli's eyes from roaming elsewhere.)

Around Cinnara, Lilli hides the worst parts of her. Around her, she can act with (and feel) some semblance of normalcy. She doesn’t know any of the terrible things Lilli does and thinks, and she doesn’t need to. 

With her, there’s comfort, nostalgia. To her, she’s the last remnant of childhood, of innocence. When she has to let her go, she lets all that go. 

Talserion

She actually does get an arranged engagement per Altmeri traditions. To her luck, it’s at least someone she knows. Talserion was a part of the group of artisans Cinnara and she frequently hung around with. 

He loved her even before the arrangement, when she was still with Cinnara. She knew that much, he didn’t hide it well. Cinnara was actually the first to point it out. She told him to expect a loveless marriage. But she still enjoys the attention she gets from him. She also doesn't mind the (casual to her) sex. He was merely a plaything. 

Except, it was her turn to be on the end of one’s obsession. T̷h̶a̶t̶ ̸d̴i̷d̴n̸'̵t̸ ̸e̷n̴d̴ ̸w̵e̸l̸l̴ 

Miraak

Where do I begin? 

I guess I should mention that while my fic is tagged “destiny-bound lovers”, it’s more the horror aspect of that entire idea of soulmates, where all agency is taken from you, forever wondering why you gravitate towards this person (that’s why it’s not tagged as soulmates, cause that generally has positive connotations). In their Disastership post I answer “why they’re together despite it all?” with “There is no free will with destiny.”

I liken them to a binary star system, souls gravitationally bound to and in orbit around each other. (What a poetic way to say they’re stuck with each other lol)

Unlike most LDB x Miraak pairs, they met about 80 years before the start of Skyrim, when Lilliandra got her hands on a Black Book and started to frequent Apocrypha, before becoming one of Mora’s new champions. Neither of them knew she was dragonborn. (Considering Durnehviir doesn’t exactly know why he calls you dovah in game if you haven’t completed Dragon Rising, I like to imagine Miraak wouldn’t be able to know she’s Dragonborn until she absorbs a dragon soul.)

Miraak’s first thought of her was as a stupid, pretty little socialite that wouldn’t survive Apocrypha for long. 

She certainly defied his expectations. 

She was warned by ciphers to stay away from the First Servant given his history of blackmailing them into doing dangerous things. That gave the opposite effect, instead making her interested. (Poor ciphers didn’t realise they were in worse trouble with her.)

In a short few years, they create a tentative alliance. At the beginning it was slightly difficult, where both of them thought they knew better than the other. “You’re too quick to act. Too reckless.” “You’re too stiff in the way you do things! Think outside the box, you old bastard.” But after they get to see how surprisingly well they fight together during their first dive into the Infinite Archive, how their strengths and weaknesses overlap in a way that compliments them, they gain a bit of respect with the other. (Lilli gains an obsession over him being dragonborn because she's been researching for years the more auditory magic: thaumavocalism and tonal architecture, and the thu'um falls into the category.)

Mutual respect gives way to an odd friendship. They manage to inspire the other. Miraak finds it frighteningly odd, to be able to trust her of all people after millennia in Apocrypha. Lilli tries not to think about why, but she enjoys how easy it is to simply be her real self with him. Where Cinnara knew only a projected image of Lilli, Miraak has seen her depravity.

But make no mistake, these two idiots have no issues bullying each other. Lilliandra enjoys testing boundaries, excessively. Sometimes for shits and giggles, other times just cause she's a sadomasochist and wants to see what it takes for him to retaliate. Miraak invites himself into her study whenever he wants to see if she has any tangible ideas.

Despite all this, they're somewhat protective of the other. (don't ask them why. They'll deny it) Lilli will not tolerate anyone speaking ill of Miraak - she's quick to vicious anger, making the party that spoke ill to greatly regret it. Miraak feels petty jealousy if Lilli speaks of her partners on Nirn.

Later in the story, an experiment Lilli was working on badly explodes, leaving her partially deaf in her left ear and a blind spot in her left eye. Despite berating her the entire time, he's the one that heals her, staying with her as she recovers from the shock. Neither of them talk about how he naturally walks on her left side afterwards, or how Lilli tries to keep everyone else on her right side.

Hmm, cuddles? It started as Lilli just trying to annoy him by testing boundaries. If he was in the common area of the tower, sitting on the couch reading, she'd flop herself onto the couch, with her head in his lap. For the first several times she's done this, he'd push her off the couch entirely, enjoying the thud she'd make when falling to the floor. Then one day he just gave in (no, don't you dare suggest it's because he's starved for her touch). She fell asleep like that, showing a surprising amount of vulnerability and trust. It somehow became a habit that neither of them talked about. (shush, maybe he did enjoy running his fingers through her hair.)

[hugecaniac]

hi, im new to the hurricanes. curious from a fandom pov: who are the best friends in the room? are there any like bigger ships? i want to know your little guys so bad so they can be MY little guys too!! any lore for any of the guys that i should know, or just do you know of any intro to the canes primers?

First of all, HELLO & WELCOME!!!!! It gets a little silly in caniac land but I've only ever had great experiences with other canes fans here and irl, and I hope you'll come to love our little community as well <3

unfortunately, you have come in at a tragic time for carolina hurricanes frienships, as our hot boy best friend squad was recently decimated with the rantanen/necas/drury trade - neci & svech were probably the closest we had to a dynamic duo type :(

we did lose teuvo teravainen during the last offseason(TRAGIC), who was good friends with sebastian aho - he and Seth Jarvis apparently tore it up at aho's wedding this summer. We did keep our finn numbers up with the rantanen aquisition, so our honorary finn jarvy can keep his citizenship.

other good friends are svech & kochetkov who are both younger guys on the team & share the russian bond - svech was his translator when he was first called up & kooch didn't speak much english, here they are being cute as hell about kooch accidentally cursing in an interview. kooch's english has gotten much better this season & he's done a couple of solo interviews with our favorite chaotic color commentator Tripp Tracy (arguably one of the larger personalities in the canes lb)

I'm not really into any shippy stuff with the canes - I think Svech/Kochetkov has some traction, but its definitely not in the realm of the bigger hrpf ships, and I don't personally ship it. If you want to go the historical route, there's always Jeff Skinner/Eric Staal which was HUGE in the early days of hrpf

no canes introduction would be complete without mentioning the seth jarvis phenomenon, either! just today he posted the world's goofiest video from a nascar race with staal, martinook & chatfield. If you're looking for adorable goober, personality extraordinaire, look no further. He is never beating the just a little guy allegations. he does hops with svech as part of his pregame warmup (very adorable)

Also, in a completely objective statement of fact, we have one of the greatest d-men in the league, Jaccob Slavin. He saves us the game practically every time he's on the ice, and he's an absolute angel with some of the lowest penalty minutes in the league consistently. if he ever leaves i will be doing something drastic

and finally, for a primer, I think the most recent one is here from the start of the 23-24 season by @pyotrkochetkov & @smileysvech. It's mostly accurate for team lore, but you'll see as you go through just how much our team has changed over the course of this season & last year! We lost a ton of our d-core over the summer when their contracts were up, and our new GM has been making some BOLD moves with trades & contracts, which is exciting to see from a team perspective but sucks so fucking bad when its your guys leaving :((((((

anyways i hope this was informative & you learned a little bit about the team & why we love them so much! they're truly such a fun group to watch & i hope you think so too <3 we'd love to see you in the lb anytime, and feel free to reach out if you want to know more!

as a bonus, i'll tag some of my favorite canes blogs if you want to follow some others - in addition to the authors of the primer above, i love following @andreisvechnikov @poke-checked @sethjarvy @turbolainen and @captainmcbabygirl for lb/canes content, just off the top of my head!

[bagea]

now that 2024 is over i completely forgot to post what i had been working to achieve throughout the last year! from jan 2024 to dec 2024 its documentation of every singe one of my discord pfps

[britneyshakespeare]

Had the extremely upsetting experience of a mutual of like 6 years going off on me for occasionally making posts about supporting Harris because apparently that makes me a g n cide denier who refuses to learn and grow, with all of my views just being assumed not even from what I've told them I believe or what I've posted before, but just because I DON'T post particularly the kind of things they THINK I should be. When I pointed out how much they were just completely assuming about stuff I'd never talked to them about, I was told it doesn't matter what I do in real life or "care" about if I simply disagree with their conclusion and vote for her anyway. Like they were absolutely not sorry for the level of maliciousness they not just assumed of my character, but for some reason thought appropriate to bring directly to me before unfollowing me. No apology whatsoever for how discomforting or upsetting that might be and certainly no acknowledgment that I could disagree with them and still be a good person. I just got another even longer rant about how they fundamentally can't fuck with me because of this one thing, no matter WHAT else I do in my real life (which I pointed out that they do not know), and how I'm directly supporting fascism.

Like seriously what is it about Tumblr that makes people think they know someone based off of occasional posts? There were just such DEEP assumptions they were making of me and going off of very little or absolutely nothing. Around the time I first became mutuals with that person I used to express my personality and beliefs and talk about what was going on in my life a lot more openly, but I've significantly scaled back on doing that in many ways for many reasons. One of my major ones is privacy and the way I've had strangers outside my followers and following circles just find random things I say and dogpile me for it. I was fundamentally changed after some T Fs did that to me like 3 years ago. I also just didn't have many conversations w that person anymore (I message people in general on here like 10x less than I did circa 2018-2019, which I'm somewhat sorry about!). My point is to say I think this person felt comfortable assuming that they knew me, especially who I am in 2024 at the age of 25, much better than they actually did.

One of the specific things they accused me of was being afraid of learning and growing (because I don't perform social media activism on here like they think I should). Like AFRAID to take criticism. When again I've never received criticism from them or had to respond to any criticism on here before as pertaining to my views on... well, absolutely any of the issues they accused me of not caring about. They essentially treated it as if the only thing in the world I cared about was the US election and characterized me as the most out-of-touch liberal they could possibly imagine, because I'm not "pushing" Kamala Harris to be better (Oh?? Should I do that on here?? Does she read my blog??).

And most hypocritically what they said was that I only *sometimes* *vaguely* post pro-Harris things (I often post like 5 or fewer things in a day though?). But here's the kicker. "Because I know I'll get shit for it. And rightfully so."

Really????? Not a single person, anon or not, in my messages or in a tagged post or anything, has ever given me shit before for saying who I'm voting for. I'm actually NOT afraid of "getting shit" for that opinion, I just don't start fights with people who are anti-voting. And why should I??? I genuinely don't believe in trying to change the minds of strangers on the internet about that sort of thing. I'm just not confrontational about it; that is so not the same thing as being "afraid of getting shit." I'm not posting ENOUGH about my support for Harris, therefore I'm afraid. But therefore they can also make all these assumptions about me being their strawman for an ignorant Harris supporter.

I'm afraid of getting shit but I still post anyway? But if I weren't afraid of getting shit I'd be posting a lot more?? This is ALL based on their assumptions of what my blog *should* look like, based on what I really and truly believe. My level of posting every now and then is an accurate gauge of my feelings on complex, sensitive, global issues. Because I'm voting for the Democratic presidential candidate and I'm ok sharing pretty much just that little glimpse of myself.

I really don't think that person knows just how inappropriate and insulting that is to just say all of that to me. Like they really know what's going on in my head. Their first message began and ended with like "I'm sorry I love you I just can't take it anymore" but they clearly weren't sorry enough to try and be more respectful to me, and they didn't love me enough not to default to extremely ungenerous assumptions and attacking me based off of those instead of any actual words I've said that they take issue with.

Online radicalization is real and it's not necessarily bad because your political views can start to fall well out of the contemporary Overton window. The way you find it appropriate to treat people whose views, however common, seem to fundamentally misalign with yours... that does matter. You can't just assume the worst of everyone and then act on that in how you approach them as individuals. And then be shocked that you don't stay friends with them. You can't be confrontational with someone about an issue you've never had an honest conversation about, and then expect them to take your bad faith in them as reasonable well-meaning criticism.

I'm afraid of criticism??? I'm afraid of criticism. No I'm not. This person and I have never had an issue before where they criticized me and I got harshly defensive. It was ALL projection. The entire tone of their messages was as if all their anti-voting posts recently were somehow in communication with the occasional go-vote-for-Harris posts that I make. That's not a conversation. I don't post for your satisfaction. I don't post in "response" to my mutuals I disagree with. I just post what's on my mind, sometimes, about some things. I really again can't stress enough how baffled I am by this

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

[codecicle-archive]

Congratulations on figuring out there are multiple people in your brain btw. I saw a while ago you posting about it being unsure so, YAY YOU FIGURED IT OUT!! LETSGOOOO!!! HELLO CHARLIE AND OTHER CODECICLE ALTERS!!!! YAAAYYYY!!!!!

FIGURED IT OUT!!! It really is crazy I didn't figure it out sooner, but I just assumed I was weird and didn't talk to anybody about it. Made a joke about it after multiple years of hiding it from everyone (and myself) and got told by multiple people "Hey yeah you're not normal go research stop feeling scared" and I did and now I'm friends with the people in my brain 🔥🔥 huge wins all around! LETSGOOO WOOOOOOOO CHEERING YAAAY!! Everyone rattling around up here says hi back!!!

[eonars]

um. tfw your life is about to change massively very very soon and it still doesn't even feel real yet and still feels like somethings gonna pop up and it won't actually happen and also you're scared as fuck that you're too stupid to actually do it and it'll all be for nothing

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

[drawotion]

It's wild how you can change over the years.

Highschool me: One of the quiet and shy kids, always doodling something. "I'm not like the other girls" phase > all clothes black (and dear lord if you even SUGGESTED wearing skirts or color pink, nope, nah. Get that stuff away from me). Never thinking I would end up in any work roles which includes dealing a lot with people and/or being at cash register, even saying I would never be in those. Doing my best to avoid them.

.

Me nowadays, 28 years old: Oh I love pink, skirts? Hell yea I'll be rocking those during summer. Still some shyness but more social/open and straightforward. Watch this gal being quality checker & assistant supervisor, even working & selling stuff at marketplace at one point (and I liked it). Oh? Someone wants to interview me? Easy peasy, bring it on.

[kateis-cakeis]

people are really so weird and so fatphobic huh

(and oops most of my commentary is in the tags XD)

[pepprs]

also cringefail double vent posting over things that are not actually that big of a deal once again lol but i am so fucking miserable today in ways i don’t even know how to articulate. i need to move out. i know exactly where i want to live but they raised rent $300 and i can’t afford that but i want to live by myself so badly but my parents are adamant that i can’t bc i can’t drive and im a “diminutive inexperienced young woman” and i want to punch something. i read half of the drivers manual and cried reading it which is fucking stupid bc it s just the drivers manual. but i want to move out so bad. i hate sharing a room with my sister and im not getting the new room anymore bc we don’t have money to finish it up bc my mom is still sick and no one knows what’s wrong with her and she has to get all these tests. i never have a space i can go to that’s just quiet. i don’t want noise. i don’t want to block out noise with more noise. i want QUIET. i don’t want to be afraid to go into rooms or hear noises i don’t want to hear. and i don’t want to be living here for the three extra months it’ll take me to ng et my permit. im just done. i don’t want to live here!!! and things at work suck and are exhausting and draining and so unbearably overwhelming and i feel terribly lonely and disconnected from everyone and small and scared and i don’t have energy to fix any of it or explain what’s going on or ask for help or get a therapist or whatever. and i keep pulling muscles in my neck. and i want to go to sleep!!!!!!

[quadrantvacillation]

Hey im gonna do a rare comment on the post instead of putting this in the tags

As a pansexual person, it took me a long, long time to figure this out. Granted, i was in high school from 2004-2008 so that may have contributed to it but like... i unironically explained the "difference" between bi and pan to several unassuming people who genuinely wanted to know and to this day i feel bad about it. So yeah I'm being sensitive when i say that this image ending with the word "dummy" hurts but also like.. this would not have convinced me when i was misinformed and even now, knowing the damage I've done by spreading that misinformation, it still kind of hurts? Bc I didnt mean any harm by it... yes, i was young and stupid, but like. You don't convince people they're wrong by insulting them so maybe try a different approach?

[unproduciblesmackdown]

also putting 1 and 1 together. as well as words like. as you can use a punch card for "i love my friends" being said around the xmas show b/c also it's a line actedly spontaneously expressed in the mister chestnut christmas medley, punch card for "heart words," there at the start of bloodsong / introduction to the musician & banana & the former's hardassedness & vinegar wit vs banana is not like that, banana saying the musician & his music is saying Dance, Banana, not with your mouth words, but with your heart words....& the musician is like terse mouthwordedness, ft. the audience's ability to infer that perhaps the musician is not really heartwording these things or really that invested in funny little guy dancing tambourine accompaniment. But In True Form....

holding that up to the other [1] in which the musician like Would Be has all the protagonist hardass lead hero power he needs to devote himself to his Mission & kill anyone w/music along the way but it's like step one. i Need banana. cannot do it without having banana here & that has nothing to do with Strategic power levels like he's gonna tell banana no it's fine if you just like are a held hostage no epic successful moves contributor who can't help me during a Situation, don't even worry about it....needs to have his special little guy there, in true form, you wouldn't have to change anything abt the verses of the friendship song to have it be a love(tm) song but it's not b/c it's necessarily that / Not the friendship song really, would never say if the way a relationship is described is like "enough" in whatever metric of intensity intimacy whatever it must Not be [anything] & must Indeed be [anything], lord knows i'm not here to interpret anything as romance as a category based on something inherent, not a context of normative relationality larping. which is also what is happening in bsol, unless you're the romantic leads, in which case i'm like well that's none of my concern except in how it is a plot device....

cue what is also what i was going to get around to in that paragraph anyway like it is beautiful to have the musician be like "well my wife is taken hostage for Evil Marriage larping? obviously gotta go save her" & then have "but first. again i may have already committed my whole being to this & have my lethal music powers but. i Need banana before i can do anything more" & Then have that become a matter of taking on a parallel like well great news banana was also taken hostage for evil marriage larping. (see: exquisite twist & turning contrast is that in this case the "well i want to have the Set & Performance of Marriage, so. pointing a gun at this guy for these three years" hostage taker is openly contemptuous toward banana & all & so perhaps you expect the bastard(tm) to be the exact same way with His [kidnapped hostage okay so now you're my wife then; points a knife at this woman for three years] situation, but first of all the [the conflict w/the antagonist foil brings out [conflict with/in oneself]] element like we need a bit more depth lol so we get that but like, while obviously they're not Actually Close we already are shown that lo cocodrilo Knows this & is actually bothered by it, rather than just like well as long as you have to be staying here on set going through motions then we're good to go. not only the failure of the crocodile approach but failure at Being the crocodile, if he did not actually care about having someone's actual affection (& cue that even after a comedically disastrous exchange, lo cocodrilo's like Default Marriage Larping is the "good evening, darling :)" exit lmao like. is not just fine with genuine contempt beyond the larping) how many brackets am i in what tangent am i on....i think i accidentally concluded it in Sidebar Parenthetical mode there, classic. the contrast that banana's wife is openly contemptuous / hostile, lo cocodrilo has the hostility more comically mixed up in Oh Just Another Average Dinner along with also actually being the party concerned with the desire / pursuit of Genuine Affection / not really being like well this must be fine or as good as it gets then when my wife (who also by contrast is the held hostage party here) tells me to kill myself or what have you)

anyway so that when the musician first before anything else Needs banana & this means saving him from being held hostage in "well, this must be fine? & ideal even, due to the normativity contexts?" (see: again, in an inverse situation, it's lo cocodrilo gunning for the Normative Ideals. while also santa violetta kind of is too but the marriage she already had where she wasn't held hostage for it) evil marriage with someone who hates him & we also see that [the conventions of the spaghetti western is an Expressive device] particularly persistently pushed back for i wear polo shirts now :(....

but what i was getting around to, throwback to that part where i was saying we had the room to think that banana as funny little guy sidekick was, according to conventions, more superfluous to the serious big protagonist than not, surely all the more so when that hero's mission gets activated, all the more seriously. surely that banana is liking to think that the musician is encouraging him to dance with his heart words, not his mouth words, & the musician is mostly like yeah sure whatever but i'm not even gonna use the mouth words to say even that. but here we are getting this scene where it's Step One I Need Banana i'll die or i'll kill to get to him & then i'll use my heart & mouth words alike to indeed encourage him like i know you need to Dance & Sing & Tambourine & be my special little guy who i also need btw. funny little guy banana being right & not being superfluous at all, & i don't know how i'd sing if to me you didn't cling