#anyways. shouldnt have been canceled.

[thesundanceghost]

man okay like vida really was such a good show

[alxclaremont]

took a nap to give me the energy to clean my room and pack. woke up feeling every single emotion known to mankind and with a feeling of loneliness so crushing i almost went back to sleep just to ignore it (all of my roommates have left to go home before me and i have been left to my own devices for less than 24 hours). scrolled through twitter and had a moment about landoscar. played roblox a bit. decided to scroll through tumblr. had a brief moment about norstappen where i have now decided i am doing my annual presentation night over BOTH the landoscar and norstappen thesis. this has all happened in the span of 4 hours. i have not moved more than an inch. it is 2 am. i have to leave my apartment at 11 to get to my 12 o'clock class. i'm leaving directly after and have no time to do anything. fuck it we ball i guess

[violentdevotion]

i love your actimel fridge posting keep it up

:D thank you !!!! Its more full than usual right now because the other day i went shop and got some and today my brother went to get groceries and my mum told him to get me some actimel while he was there so for at least the next 2 weeks i should be good on actimel !!!!

[poraphia]

Halloooo ^^ ..

I read a lot of ur stories and now Im in love with fictions :3 (might need therapy cuz of it but nvm that)

U an amazing writer <3

(Im pretty new to Tumblr so extremely sorry if this ends up where it shouldnt be or smth like that lol)

But anywaaay , Can I pls request a Wilbur Soot angst fic :D ?

Im going thru THAT phase rn so anything would be awsome really ..

Maybe a fight (unintentionally) breaks out between Wilby and reader and Wilby accidentally raises his voice and reader gets scared ? I know its a cheesy story and people might'a written before but I barely find Wilbur angst fics anymore :(((

Anyway , Thank u so much .. U dont have to write any of this if ur uncomfortable .. Hope ur doing okay :> .. Take care n' bye :D

"You’re Being Too Loud."

➵ PAIRING! cc!stressed!wilbur x stressed!reader

➵ CREATING! 10.12.23 | 1444 words

➵ CONTAINING! angst to comfort, wilbur is ignoring reader, reader lowkey has attachment issues, reader sensitive to loud noises, wilbs is overworked

➵ SAYING! hiii @toastyliltoasts41 welcome to tumblr! sorry for the late late response but i hope you enjoy :) personally going thru this myself especially w so much work ive been doing recently and also im noise sensitive (literally walk around with noise canceling headphones all the time). thank u for all the nice words!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

I slipped off my shoes and placed them near the doorstep. My socks glided against the furnished planks as I slid to our shared office. I dragged my backpack behind me, feeling the weight of my laptop, notebooks, and textbooks. Once I made it to the room, I placed my bag on the chair and unpacked all my belongings onto my desk.

Today was too exhausting, and the one thing I dreaded doing right now was to open my laptop and be faced with more work. Instead of taking my laptop with me, I grabbed my phone and dragged myself out of the office and into the bedroom.

After changing into my loungewear, I snuggled myself into silk sheets, shivering a little from the cold fabric wrapping around my body. Ignoring the chill, I held up my phone with both of my hands and swiped open the messaging app to text my boyfriend. I glanced at the past messages, realizing that Wil hasn’t responded to any of my messages from this afternoon. The last time he texted was this morning when was telling me what time he would come home. Sighing, I typed in another message in hopes that this time he would respond.

“Hey, I’m home now. Too tired to cook food today. Let’s order something when you get home? <3”

I clicked send before clicking off my phone and placing it on the nightstand. My eyes fluttered close, and slowly, I drifted off to sleep.

I woke to the sound of footsteps clicking against the ground. With my hands I pushed my body up to examine the noise. From the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a familiar tall figure headed toward the office. A small smile formed on my face as I carefully got out of bed.

My bare freet pressed against the cream colored carpet. I wandered around the hallway before finding the office door slightly ajar. Through the crack I saw Wil hunched over his computer. His sweater’s sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his fingers hastily clicked against his keyboard. Quietly, I approached him from behind, throwing my arms around his shoulders and hugging him close.

Wil quietly hummed in response. I titled my head, pecking his cheek, but he didn’t react and instead his eyes stayed glue to his screen. My eyebrows slightly furrowed, but nonetheless, I continued hugging him.

“Hey, sweetheart.” I mumbled in a croaky voice.

“Hey,” he replied blankly.

“Did you see my texts earlier today?”

“Uh huh,” He said absently. “I saw the message after I ate though. Sorry.”

I felt my chest tighten a little, hurting at his absence. All I wanted in the moment was a hug and a conversation about each other’s day, but instead, he was absorbed in his work and couldn’t even make the effort to look at me.

“Wil, can we talk?” I asked.

He slightly shook his head. “No, not right now, honey. This video has to be out by tomorrow and one of our editors hasn’t been feeling well so I took up the work.” He explained briefly.

“But you’re already busy working at the studio…” I mumbled.

“I know, but I can finish this up by tonight. Just give me some time, please.” He requested. My heart skipped a little, feeling like a dog that had been put aside for a brand new puppy.

“Wil, you haven’t talked to me all day. Could we at least just have dinner together?” I nearly pleaded.

“I already said I just ate, (y/n).” Wil said rather sternly. “Please can I just finish my work?”

“But I want to spend time with you.” I said, speaking up a little bit. I unwrapped my hands away from him and stepped back a little. He turned his chair a little to face me with one of his hands still on the keyboard. He looked up at me, a stressed but furrowed expression on his face. I wrapped my arms around myself, hugging my own chest.

“I want to spend time with you but you’re basically prioritizing this work over me.” I said again. “I understand that sometimes you have too much work. I understand that. But we haven’t been spending time with each other for the past few days and it’s driving me crazy. I just want to relax with you, Wil.” I bit the insides of my cheek. Wil, in turn, sighed and rubbed his nosebridge.

“I’m not prioritizing work over you, (y/n), I’ve just been busy lately and this argument is just stressing me out even more.” His words were spat out like venom.

“Which is why I’m asking that we just spend time together! This isn’t just for me, but it’s for you too.” I threw my hands up, frustrated. “Wilbur, we can relax together! You’re acting like this isn’t stressing me out either!”

Wil got up from his seat now. His tall figure nearly towered over me, making me slightly cower. “I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING RELAX RIGHT NOW, (Y/N)! I HAVE SHIT TO DO!”

I stepped back, nearly stumbling. Without realizing, tears were running down my burning hot cheeks. The air went cold and I felt this hallowing emptiness surrounding me. A ringing was bouncing in my eardrums and goosebumps ran through my arms and legs. He looked down at me, eyes wide as if he just realized what words escaped his lips. Before he could say a word, I walked out of the office and back into bed, slamming the door behind me.

I jumped into the mattress and buried my face deep under the sheets. I quietly sobbed into the fabric, not caring for the tears darkening the silk. It didn’t take but a couple minutes later to hear the creaking of the door and soft footsteps approaching the bed. I lied still under the covers as I felt the mattress dip from a newfound weight.

Wil sat there for a while. His knee shook a little, making a tiny thumping noise against the floor. I was turned away from him with his lower back lightly pressing against the heel of my foot.

“(y/n)..?” He softly called out for me. “Are you awake..?”

I shifted a little, moving my foot away from him to let him know I was listening. He sighed with his leg coming to a stop.

“(y/n), I’m sorry. I—I’ve just been really stressed, but that gives me no right to start yelling at you. And me being really busy has been taking away the time with you.” He paused a little bit, presumably licking his lips. I still didn’t have the courage to move. Instead I laid still, not daring to move. “I’m really sorry, (y/n).” He apologized again.

A deep sigh huffed from my nostrils before I sat up, letting the sheets cascade off my body. He turned his head to look at me, his feet still planted on the ground. I looked into his eyes, seeing the pained looked deep in those irises.

“Y-You know I don’t like loud noises.” I croaked out, my voice cracking with my words. He slowly nodded, bringing his legs up on the bed to fully face me. “And I really don’t like it when you yell. Please, I really just wanted to spend time together.”

“And we will spend time together.” He grabbed my hands and cradled them in his. “I’ll message Elodie right now if she could finish the work. But right now, it’s going to be me and you together, okay? We can maybe catch up on our show and I’ll order some food for you, okay?” He reassured, rubbing his thumb against the back of my hand. “Maybe I’ll steal some fries from you every once in a while.”

I giggled a little. “Noooo! Get your own food!” I whined, lightly pushing his shoulder. He chuckled in response before wrapping his arms around me, pulling me close to his chest. I wrapped my arms around his torso in response, breathing in his scent.

“I just missed you, Wil, you know that…” I softly whispered. He nodded, running his fingers through my hair.

“I missed you too. I promise I do.” He whispered back. His voice was low and deep but he made sure to maintain his volume. It was soothing, something I could fall asleep to,

and most importantly,

it wasn’t loud.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

a / n ~ hope you enjoyeddd notes of all kind are super duper appreciated! if you wanna be in a taglist or an anon my inbox is always freee :D ALSO SURPRISE!! TWO ONESHOTS IN ONE DAY I AM ON A ROLLLL

[zundamind]

wow, would you look at that! it's been a full ass year since you fucked me over! september 29th.... yeahh..... XD our fuck-you-versary! hi clifford!

in case you dont remember, the name piko might jog your mind. yeah thats me!! hellwo!! honestly you shouldve known better than to stick with your old username but hey props on you for changing it last minute! almost didnt find you for a second lolll!!

i wanted to drop in and say HEY! HELLO! HI! and give you some status updates :3

update one: i'm getting better!! no thanks to you, of course. and actually i should say we're getting better. yep! thats what happens when you suffer so bad your brain cant take suffering solo! XD

update two: while my mental health has been at an all time low ever since you fucking dropped me like a fucking ROCK, ive been getting over things lately! my clean streaks are now longer than a week! i no longer want to kms! im even making friends again!

update three: while both of the above statements are true, you still live in my mind rent free. i remember when i first stumbled across your blog a few months ago, i had a full on spiral! not anymore, though. i am STEEL, BABY! also you spinning in the mental microwave rent free is why i'm sending you this heartfelt ask!

man.... even when i try, i still find you somehow and its never intentional. like imagine scrolling the tptm tag only to be straight up jumpscared by your ex best friend's username! how embarrassing!

also i'm sorry but i have to say the reason(s) you left are sooo fucking stupid..... what, cus i was weird? come on. everyones a little weird. even a little deviantart weird. oh and because of some stupid opinions that shouldntve even mattered if you were actually a friend? get real, trey. what if i left your ass because you had a fuckin biting kink? that wouldve been funny actually. like making a sad callout post on twitter thats just "my friend left me because i wasnt vanilla enough!" XDDD

oh, and if you ever see your "stalker" again, assuming you're not thinking its me and that its actually your previous qpr or whatever the fuck, say hi! i find it funny as FUCK, since, you know, you were considering cyberstalking me at one point. and tell chaos i said hi too. i'd also mention mayu, but do you two even keep in touch anymore? probably not, considering the weird things she's done.

anyways thats the end of my relay. if you dont want these kinds of asks again, i suggest either turning asks off or just straight up deleting your tumblr and/or making another one that is NOT connected to any username youve used in the past, because in that case i'll just find your ass again lmaooo. remember! every year on this day will be the day i remind you that you are NOT allowed to stay sane X3

sincerely, your most hated, piko. (i hardly use my old blog anymore, so have fun finding my current blog! and do what you want with this ask, make a callout post, scream into the ethers, reply to it, idc.)

this should stay private but idc

i know what i did was wrong piko! i was 12-13.

dont take this as me excusing myself. i had horrible emotional regulation back then, ive healed from everything back there. you dont deserve to be called out because ur like. 14-15.

do not bring mayu or chaos into this,weve all healed and forgot abt you.

i overreacted bc of very worthless things because i was basically obsessed witj you, you were my fp, if you didnt know.

completely forgot you even existed, i havent been checking your profiles at all in months. you shouldnt either, please forget about me. you'll drive yourself crazy.,

if you think im going to "cancel" you, no im not. for your sake, please dont interact with me anymore. i apologize for how i acted over stupid things, but we were both young and idiotic. im also a system, i dont even remember half of the things you did bc of that.

move on. ive moved on, weve all moved on.

dont bother yourself with me, you dont need to.

[despazito]

hi! i saw you talking about the mystery dog disease and you said we shouldnt be feeding deer and im jw if its just a general dont feed wild animals cause its dangerous/bad for them thing or if its something else related to transferrable disease? (or both?) WAIT UNLESS YOU MEANT DONT FEED DEER TO YOUR DOGS?? THEN NVM CANCEL THIS POST LOL

it's not a good idea to feed wildlife in general, even feeding birds can have its ethical dilemmas depending on who you ask.

but feeding deer in USA/canada is not great because many places already have deer overpopulation problems since we exterminated their natural predators. it makes them tame and congregate in suburban areas where they can get hit by cars, spread disease by sharing a feeder and living in close proximity to many other deer, and tame deer have been known to become aggressive and attack humans.

and when there's too many deer or attack incidents they typically get culled, which further emboldens the deer sympathizers to keep feeding and taming them in retaliation. I get to see plenty of deer in my yard without ever having to lure them with food (well, technically our vegetable garden but we rather they didn't lol)

the deer where i live are scary tame, i try to shoo them away and they trot a few yards then stop giving a fuck. which can be very scary when deer are also a rabies vector and tameness is a symptom of it!

also as i mentioned there have been reports of covid in deer, and if you have pets that go outside they should not be in contact with deer droppings if possible, they can get parasites (and some can be fatal). i've been to the yards of deer feeders and there's just poop everywhere. i feel like people really understate the biosecurity risk of excessive deer poo on your property.

anyway i would highly discourage it!

as for feeding deer to your dogs, many dog foods are made with venison and i live somewhere with a lot of deer hunting and venison consumption so i'd say practice the typical meat prep precautions and don't feed it raw.

[take-it-easy-1004]

oh fuck idk why but today has been so horrible so far. its all small problems rly ik i shouldnt be complaining abt this stuff but idk. so yesterday i found out i have swimming class, german class and piano class today and i fucking lost it. not in terms of anger or sadness but just like ohhh fuck oh fuck yk. anyways today my mom cancelled my german class because it's too much so yay. i woke up and brushed my teeth and made some breakfast. i had piano class which was so fucking boring because like this teacher sometimes just tells me to do the same thing over and over again, even though i know what to do, it's just hard and i'm trying. i asked for a bathroom break halfway through and used it to lie down. i also hate how the side camera required for my fingers shows how fat i am. anyways after that i laid back down for a bit then finally went down and watched netflix for a long time. i also went to the garden so there's that. when the time for my swimming class came, i was so fucking sad, i hate swimming. i left but when i got there it was blocked off. after like 10 minutes of helplessly walking around, i asked some older teenagers (like 17, 18?) if they knew how to get through. i made sure to look at only one of them since the other was vaping and idk i didnt wanna rly look at him. he took me through the blockade and apparently you just had to fucking walk through a construction site?! it wasnt rly a construction site it just had a machine and i could see some pipes in the ground and the dirt was dug up. i went in, still angry abt the stupid design and apparently it was so stupid that literally three people had found the way in. i was in a class with three people. fuck. the reason this was bad is because i suck at swimming and with 70% of the class not there the teacher would focus way more on me. i hate being corrected. not for egotistical reasons, but because i just cringe inside and im like oh fuck whats wrong with me. anyways i get changed in a horrible stall which is bad for me because i always am scared of my clothes touching the ground or forgetting to lock the stall and someone walking in. another reason i hate swimming is because im fat and i didnt have a full body suit. great. i walked around like with my arms around my stomach, yk what i mean? i went in and i was so fucking slow. these kids were half my age and twice as good as me. halfway through we got out and like stretched our arms. i was scared because recently ive been getting my first armpit hairs which isnt much and not noticeable but i was still super scared. also i thought i saw a classmate which wouldve been super embarsssing (uh oh) but i realized it wasnt him (yay!). buuuut my teacher had to get my attention because i wasnt doing the arm movements (uh oh). this was just a horrible day. if i remember more i'll reblog but if not then i wont. my phone has 6% so bye

[redrandomposts]

happy bday yjh

i dont have much to offer, but what i do have? happy thoughts. yeah.

===

everyone has seen the kdj celebrates yjh's bday stuff, right? like, pre-scenario he buys a small cake and reads the chapter, blablabla, comments...

during the scenarios he can finally give the protagonist gifts and celebrate it with him. no one has any clue its yjh's bday so they find it watch in confusion as kdj piles gift after gift on top of yjh.

yjh spends the time doing his favorite things - taking care of kdj, gaming, and bedroom things.

that night, kdj celebrates it with yjh quietly with a small cake the latter bakes. the star stream is off, everyone's gone to bed - its just the two of them.

===

yandere and enabler au

kdj, of course, knows yjhs bday and decides to be nice to his stalker. he avoids getting hurt for the week and spends all of his time with yjh during this time (all other plans have been cancelled).

yjh spends this time taking the utmost care of kdj, and kdj ends up with the softest skin he had since the scenarios (maybe even since childhood), the most delicious food hes ever had in the largest quantities ever.

kdj honestly thought that this was more of a celebration for him than yjh, but its well deserved. he has to put up with yjhs bullshit everyday and sometimes some plans dont go to plan.

hes cleaned too many bodies for yjh to not deserve this.

(enabler kdj is unwilling to see his favorite bastard sunfish protagonist yandere(...) imprisoned or worse, on death row.)

===

no scenario au where yjh celebrates his bday by playing an mmorpg w kdj, on stream.

"you sunfish bastard, whyd you leave me here-?!" "hurry up." "wait up!" "stop reading the dialogue, dokja." "shouldnt you know whats going on?" "no."

"dokja. what is that." "you see there was this dragon egg on sale and i bought it, figuring it would come in handy since kyrgios mentioned that dragons often-" "the one who gave us electrification?" "yes! him! anyways, the dragon egg hatched yesterday when i was going to do that one quest you mentioned-" "we were supposed to do that one together." "well, i couldn't do the quest because this beauty hatched. her name is biyoo."

"its been seven hours, joonghyuk-ah, cant we take a break?" "hm. alright." "really?" "yes. we will continue tomorrow. goodbye stream."

===

kdj holds a cake, a single candle sticking out of it. he lays it on the stone, lighting it and singing "happy birthday" quietly.

the wind comes by and blows the flame out before kdj can himself.

tears running down his face, kdj can barely focus on the gravestone. he didnt have the strength to continue after yjhs death, but every attempt he had made was failed.

how could he live on without his beloved protagonist?

[problematic-alters-unsilenced]

We have a James Sunderland fictive (Silent Hill 2) in our system, and he has pseudomemories of his wife, Mary. He has memories of killing his wife in source and it absolutely tears him apart. He likes to consume content of his source (as do I, the host), but people always make these sorts of fucked up jokes about how he killed Mary, so it’s always a gamble of whether he will be triggered by something or not. We know that those people just see him as a fictional character and not a real person, but it still upsets him and us greatly.

We also fear the day that we come across people that will judge him or hate him for his actions in source, when he very much regrets it and is trying to redeem himself by being the system’s protector. (And he isn’t even 100% his source anyway.) So far everyone we’ve met has been very kind, but we worry that one day we’re gonna get kicked from a server or canceled or some shit like that.

Yeah, that can be terrible. I personally believe that.. even source memories dont define you. Even if you remember doing something in your memories, if thats your source memories, you couldnt really control those memories being given to you.

Of course, sometimes source memories reflect who someone is, but it isnt always the case. And i feel alters shouldnt be held to the standard of memories they couldnt actually control.

[madisonrooney]

yall plz send out all good vibes/luck for me

i mentioned i got a ticket to the disney legends ceremony, right? i got an ASL accessible seat by accident and d23 contacted me on tues saying if they find out i dont actually need the accommodation ill be permanently banned from any future disney fan event and my tix will be forfeited and not refunded. thankfully, i think that was an exaggeration bc i called and they said they can either refund or TRY to relocate my seats but theres no guarantee and it could take up to FIFTEEN DAYS for me to hear back.

dealing with uncertainty is one of the hardest things for me so the fact that i have to wait that long to hear is killing me. the other hardest thing for me to deal with is guilt and im kicking myself for not reading the fine print. i was one of the lucky ones to get tix at all, especially on the first day and especially for one of the honda center events, and if id paid just a little more attention, maybe i wouldnt have screwed this up.

i shouldnt act entitled to see miley but itll just destroy me to know shes that close and not get to see her, especially since i havent seen her in 6 years. ive been through shit like this enough with all the cancelled liv and maddie tapings back in the day and this time i THOUGHT id secured it but it turns out i didnt and now i may be essentially punished for something that was an accident. (i guess thats not too dissimilar from l&m tapings, since i worked hard to get those tix then the tapings would just get cancelled).

not only is seeing her so important to me but being there for THIS is like. i have to be there. not to mention ive felt closer to her over the last year than i have in a long time.

anyway im just crossing all my fingers and toes so any positive energy sent my way would be appreciated

[yuukei-yikes]

What are your post-str Shinaya hcs?

this got so long. its my blog i am not putting a read more. deal with it. its shinaya hour

i want and need a role reversal. i want drama. post str shinaya break up without even being together first. ayano keeps waiting for shintaro to Do something because she's like. okay its been 2~ years and by now she CRINGES at remembering how she acted around him so shes like ok i CANNOT cling to him like that AGAIN. if he wants to come around he will but shintaro is yknow. like that. so obviously he fucking doesnt like honestly hes still sort of acting the same around her like less mean but still a bit dismissive, mostly out of embarrassment though cuz mekatrio wants to kill him+harutaka and momo tease him when he has Moments with ayano so he kinda wants to spare himself that embarrassment so hes like sweet in private then cold in public and ayanos like ????????????????????? does he like me or not what is going ON but also ayano and her amazing awesome self steem issues are like he fucking HATES me im the most annoying person in the world !!!!!!

so she eventually keeps her distance and obviously he notices and shintaros like oh fuck i messed UP because now theres like this sort of misunderstanding and the only way to clear it up is healthy communication but you know DAMN WELL he wont do that but somehow he finds it less mortifying to go around looking like a kicked puppy in a wet cardboard box around her desperately trying to get her attention making ayano even MORE confused.

eventually after a while of being in a circus i think hed get the balls to ask her out himself. probably bc of haruka/takane/momo telling him he's a fucking idiot bitch. anyways i think shintaro tries to kiss ayano and they hit their faces against each others and it really hurts💗🙏

btw thats only them getting together i think. but also that's how they break up and get back together over and over and over with like the exact same precedure everytime. on and off shinaya my beloved.

anc duhhh obviously im gonna talk abt the yuukei quartet Have u met me. takanes like another funny part of the whole thing like i know ive talked abt it but im obsessed with codependent shintaka *holds head* bc ayanos jealous of takane for how vulnerable shintaro is with them unlike with her and takane is individually close to both so shes kinda being dragged by both of them but especially shintaro forcing them to play as their relationship therapist and she fucking hates it but someone has to fucking do it apparently because shintaro and ayano cant talk like normal people. haruka keeps more distance than takane like its something they need to do themselves yknow and tells takane they shouldnt rly get in the way but shinaya KEEP going to her and also takanes insane and still feels responsible for shintaro bc (gestures at the whole ene thing) yeah so its tough for her to say no. like takanes obsessed with shintaro plus sees how pathetic shinaya are being and takane enomoto when they decide to obsess over others so they dont have to think about herself am i right😃<- what haruka tells her . she does not appreciate the comment. the whole thing also causing harutaka drama ougghhh shinaya is so messy that theyre contagious. but haruka is the 1 yuukei quartet member with any emotional intelligence so harutaka have actual communciation so theyre more caught up abt this being like a sorta messed up thing between the whole group and their relationships. on and off shinaya ft unwilling(?) relationship therapist takane ft an even more unwilling haruka who just wants his damn girlfriend to stop cancelling their dates to go stop shintaro from crying at ayanos feet begging her to take him back for the second time this month

ok and.........actual Break Up shinaya where its like Enough for ayano bc thats a fucking insane relationship to have so shes like lol maybe i should get therapy👍 and shintaro again is pathetic and desperately trying to gain her affections back but he just looks so pathetic and its funny. they dont rly stop hanging out bc they wouldnt do that and also its not like shintaro will just leave the dan LOL but thru it all the mekatrio are like KILLING HIM with their eyes especially kano god dont get me started on the one sided(?) kanoshin of it all. i love kano and shintaro having this weird fucking tension during the breakup augh kano little meowmeow the amount of self hatred he feels ok im getting sidetracked shinaya ends up together again basically. in my sitcom delusion shintaro finishes his first song Ever and its abt her and then she hears it everywhere and its so damn embarrassing bc theyre broken up but she still likes him so much it makes her look stupid amd the stupid song brings them back together ummmm sorry. my shinaya era (holds head) i will study them under a microscope

[just-before-dawn]

i shouldnt be stressing out so much about this and this really shouldnt be a major concern of mine, but i keep getting responses on the form saying how people are scared of joining and how uncomfortable they are with this project. it wasn't my intention to make anyone uncomfortable. i know there's been some past drama or whatever that i never got to witness and i know i cannot change the thoughts and minds of people.

but please dont be afraid of joining the zine. i literally want this project to showcase as much talent as i can from this fandom.

i have experience with monitoring hate, harassment, bullying, etc. if you fear of joining the zine bc of hate from other creators, i will try my best to make sure that the zine space is a comfortable space for contributors.

as a person who has been wrongly accused of being something im not in a past fandom, i know how you feel. i also know how it feels to accidentally pass by a post i didnt want to see. so i know how it feels from both sides.

however, i am not one to promote hate, im not one to allow hate. im not one to allow any problems to occur with the projects or spaces i run.

if you truly want to contribute something to the zine, please do. i am literally only judging your art and writing, nothing else. im not judging if you've made an accidental mistake, im not judging if there was random discourse that led to nothing. i just want your art and writing and see if it works well with the zine.

lowkey regretting addressing this problem the first time bc it led to more problems that im like AHHHH. but it just kept coming up.

anyway, please join my zine if you want to (god i hate cancel culture)

[saintofanything]

hey did i ever poke u abt that sidgeno loredump bc when/if ur free 👀 👀 👀 i would love to hear your retelling (<- asking bc im watching the pens game rn :) theyre not losing ur honor :) i forgot what this felt like (silly) o damn fuck they got a goal rescinded i shouldnt have said anything (silly))

sooooo let me start this off by saying i am not the sidgeno expert, not even close, BUT i've got the highlight reel and the essentials of the lore.

love is real and it was invented in pittsburgh: 8771

sidney "sid" crosby, center, #87: the number one draft pick of his year and arguably the best 200ft player of all time. child of god. youngest captain in NHL history (a feat he now shared with other 18yo captains). if i talk about him too much i'll cry.

evgeni "geno" malkin, center, #71: the other head of the two headed monster, one of the best players of all time, criminally underrated and one of the funniest, most charismatic players to grace us with his presence. drafted 2nd in 2004 to the pens. a physical and emotionally-driven player. also he's 6'5".

"At first, it was an arranged marriage. Thanks to the way the ping-pong balls bounced in the NHL draft lottery process, Crosby and Malkin were thrust together into the Penguins lineup about 10 years ago whether they liked it or not. As it turns out, they liked it.” [x]

[below the readmore, do be the lore]

FIRST THINGS FIRST: BREAKING HISTORY

the NHL, in its history, has had several "lockouts" where the players union and the league itself cannot come to terms and thus the season is delayed or paused.

in the 2004-2005 season, for the first and only time, an entire season was cancelled. they did not even award the stanley cup, which was the first time that had happened since 1919.

AND OUR PROTAGONISTS WERE SUPPOSED TO START PLAYING TOGETHER IN THIS VERY SEASON. THE FUTURE OF HOCKEY WAS LITERALLY AT STAKE, OUR LOVERS ARE SEPARATED BY THE ATLANTIC OCEAN, A LANGUAGE BARRIER, AND GREEDY FUCKHEADS.

sid crosby had been drafted #1 as the coming savior of the penguins franchise, and geno malkin had been selected from russia to join the cause and was supposed to make his NHL debut, but the lockout kept him stuck in russia.

the lockout end is in sight but geno is under pressure from his hometown team to sign. geno doesn't want to, but he gets strong-armed into it, and immediately regrets it. he wants to be in the NHL.

so escapades ensue that would be more at home in a cold war film. geno and his agent, on an away game in helsinki, flee. they hide out, get to a US embassy to apply for a via, and like thieves in the night, abscond to los angeles. he then made his way to pittsburgh.

geno met sid on his first night there and they fell in love at first sight.

"I just always liked him from the start. Always have. Always will." - Sid

"Pittsburgh is lucky to have Sid. We are all lucky for Sid." - Geno

THE TWO-HEADED MONSTER

for their careers, these two fuckers have been attached at the hip both by breaking milestones and by breaking their bodies. they were affectionately named "the two headed monster" for their ruthless domination on the ice, with their relentless ferocity at puck control as well as their borderline telepathic plays. they would, rightly, not always be on the same line (they work best as special teams together) because of how good they both are as centers. they're puck-hungry and shoot-happy and smart as hell when it comes to hockey IQ, sid is the master of 'little moves that add up in a big way' while thinking ten steps ahead, and geno is the 'opportunistic stalker' waiting to pounce and if he can't pounce he bodies them until he scores anyways. they are THE duo of their era!!

their legacies are deeply intertwined, a fact both of them are very happy about. both of them see the other as family, with geno seeing sid as like an uncle to his son nikita, and sid deeply invested in keeping geno as a pen for life.

tale #1: the stanley cup photo

they won the stanley cup 3 times!! 2009, and then back-tobacks in 2016/2017. their spiritual predecessors, mario lemiuex and jaromir jagr, had taken a photo of them holding the cup, and it became part of penguins legacy, two of the most important players in the franchise.

geno was adamant they get a matching picture, but in the chaos of the first cup, it was missed. the second time - a long awaited win in 2016, after recovering from sid's horrific concussion and geno's knee injuries - they forgot again. geno, on the day of game 6 against nashville, ordered a staff member to take a picture of himself and sid "no matter what" and they did :)

tale #2: "me three years superleague" [8771]

hockey has a tradition - last on, last off. this ritual is both superstitious and a sign of respect. shenanigans about this are rampant, including rock-paper-scissors and trying to trick opponents in order to be the one to leave last. sid crosby, superstitious king, is notorious for his inability to be chill about his routines.

anyways, sid went last. until geno came along. sid offered rock-paper-scissors, but geno hit him with "me three years superleague" meaning he had been in the KHL (russian pro hockey) for 3 years to sid's single year in the NHL. sid, because it's geno, accepted - and from that day forward, they do a special fistbump. sid goes, and geno follows. the last on. always. [except for weird times like the first game of the season and then we LOSE superstitions are REAL!]

tale #3 "putting down a mutiny"

okay so during sid's concussion, he was out of play for a while. like, over a year. and during that time, in 2011 specifically, the question naturally came up of whether or not someone else should temporarily replace him as captain (as the practice is typically for an 'A' [alternate] captain to take the place until he returns) but this means they'd be OFFICIAL captains.

except this question was no longer just being posed by the media....but by players on the penguins. so the story goes, a meeting was held within the locker room involving two camps of players: 4 in favor of replacing sid (brooks orpik, jordan staal, craig adams, matt cooke) and the 4 vehemently against it (pascal dupuis, marc-andre fleury, arron asham, and of course geno)

during the heated conversation, geno ended it with "Sid is the fucking captain." and then walked the fuck out like a boss. end of story, geno's loyalty is the stuff of legend. he even fought one of the mutineers (adams) during practice over it. alas, the rumors and speculation persisted, and the team had had enough.

so in 2012, most of the penguins players used tape to put the letter 'C' on their practice jerseys for their captain. geno taped a 'K' because it's kapitan in russian. sid's the fucking captain.

tale #4: bonded pair do not separate

this covers a few instances, but basically, geno being underrated and sid being the GOAT means sometimes people who are not sid and geno need to be reminded of how the world works.

for example, when the pens GM at the time said that only sid was untouchable during trade season, sid - who does not normally involve himself in player negotiations - laid down the law that geno was also untouchable: "It's me and Geno."

during geno's rookie years, he told his friend/teammate/interpreator sergei gonchar that he wanted to play "only for Pittsburgh, always with Sid." and has kept true to that promise through tense negotiations.

and sometimes that means being paid a little more. the "crosby cap" in the unofficial-official rule that nobody is allowed to be paid more than sid, and nobody is allowed to wear a jersey number higher than his. his contract is $8.7mil, but to keep geno, it was going to have to be higher. sid responded "does that mean we get to keep him?" because he does not give a fuck about money. he proved that again by signing an extension this year for 8.7mil again despite the fact he's the face of the franchise, captain, and s tier player because he cares more about the team and franchise than he does money. geno too, he's consistently taken "team friendly" deals instead of leaving to be paid as a superstar.

"He's a Pittsburgh Penguin forever, like me." -Geno, talking about Sid's extension.

during 2022 management was not sly about taking shots at geno, lowballing him during negotiations and basically telling him to take it or leave it. fuck you ron hextall u flyers plant u nearly killed this franchise and we're going to be paying for ur fuckery for years to come i wish lil nikita had high-sticked u it would have been KARMA. it took the combined efforts of sid, kris letang, and coach mike sullivan to assuage geno. and when hextall, under collusion from the new management, wanted to break up the Big Three (aka keep sid but break up letang and geno) during an interview sid gave a not-so-thinly veiled threat: "I think they know how I feel." and after a very, very dramatic rest of the season hextall and burke and pryer were fired :) geno has admitted he nearly left the pens because of them but now has reaffirmed he'll never leave and half-joked that he'll play as long as sid does or until his body gives out on him. jesus christ geno could u be any less subtle.

kris letang, geno malkin, and sid crosby are the longest tenured teammates (going on their 20th season) in north american sports history. penguins mate for life.

"The penguins are us [Kris, Geno, & himself]" -Sid

more incoherent rambling:

they just love each other so much man. geno has shrines to sid in all of his houses and jokes that his son's favorite player is sid, he thinks sid is the best player and the best person, he is fiercely loyal and both of them have a habit of brushing aside their own records and milestones for the other. sid is a very private person but clearly loves geno and gets this dopey, sweet smile and light in his eyes when reporters ask about how many of their milestones are linked together as much as their legacies. sid can, has, and will threaten anyone who even thinks about trying to take geno away from him. sid thinks it's funny he knocked geno on his ass during practice one time and how geno tries to give him another concussion by shooting pucks at him during power play practice. their hugs across the years are pure joy and it's a miracle they didn't fucking hurt each other in some of those flying leap tackles. that time they hosted a bunch of kids and geno was joking they werent chanting his name except then when they were on the ice he was hyping them up for sid's chant, and when asked who his best friend on the team is sid immediately pointed to geno and coach sullivan was yelling about how it was a set up. and when geno first came to the US and couldnt speak english, they could still speak hockey together. about how geno is almost half a foot taller than sid and spent years being known as "the bully" and still he always differentially leaned down when sid is talking on the ice. how they find each other in cellies and look for each other first when theyre on the bench and celebrating. geno chanting "MVP" loudly when sid was doing media and sid laughing about it. geno has penguins hats made with sid's name on them (and his own and tanger too!) and he wears them all the time. geno fucking with sid all the time because he's hilarious and sid not only tolerating it but laughing with him.

quotes that make me want to gnaw my own arm off:

"Win. For Sid." -Geno

"I gotta take my teammate, Geno. Yep, have to." -Sid, when asked who he'd pick #1 on his fantasy team

"My favorite is Sid." -Geno

"I'm thinking selfishly, but I can't wait to play with him." -Geno

"I'm so thankful that I've had the opportunity to play with him all these years and share so many things with him." -Sid

"We grew up together." -Sid

it's not sunset, but late afternoon

these fucks are old in hockey years. most players last 5 years in the NHL. they're at 20, and have a few more years left in them. and their relationship is one of the most special in the league, and in hockey history - few players stay on a team for life, few are so impactful to the game. they're both going straight to the Hall of Fame, they have personal hardware and 3 cups between them and plenty of records in both the league and franchise, and they've done it together. we only get them for a little while longer, so let's enjoy it ♥

[aaaaatillathenun]

Today sucks ass!!!!!! My computer is restarting for no goddamn reason (fuck you adobe acrobat) i accidentally cancelled a form at work instead of requesting edits and now i need to start from the top bc the dept that holds the form is shit at getting back to people in a timely manner and its easier to redo a bunch of math on my end than it is to get them to do a single thing. But also i need them to do another thing for something else i’m worming on and god forbid i get an answer on that in the next week before they shut everything down for a week god fuck this fuck this fuck this AND ive been sick for a couple days and i thought that im finally getting over it but idk if i am or not and my job is stupid anyways and i hate it but i want to go to fucking school so im staying in it but i havent talked to any of my friends in like a week and a half because of being sick and that would make me feel better but i cant make them sick either… plus i just spent a lot of money on a weekend trip so i shouldnt spend a lot of money on other stuff even though there’s like 2 things this weekend that i think could be fun. Fuckkk i should go up to the city this weekend or something idk. Its pretty much my last chance to have any sort of fun or free time until december this weekend. This term is gonna suck ass but at least its so much better than just doing my job

[psychotrope777]

i have to be honest i never particularly cared for foo fighters which isnt me saying theyre like Cancelled because of this and im not trying to do the "well i never liked them anyway" thing i just want to establish first that frankly i dont really give a fuck about this guy so maybe i shouldnt be the one commenting on this but one of my friends commented on how it feels like he feels more guilt over the concept of having a child out of wedlock than he does for cheating on his wife and knocking up some other girl which could potentially like ruin her entire life and ive been thinking about that

[decayinghearg]

i hate myself so much. ive pushed almost everyone away, i feel so bad. i feel so stupid but when i see my insta followers go down or i see im getting less likes i feel bad abt myself. people dont like me anymore and i cant blame them. all summer people have tried to hang out with me but im so flakey. i just feel like i suck so bad that they shouldnt hang out with me or they wont care if i cancel cause im awful to be around anyways.

i just feel so fucking disconnected from my peers. i never let myself get close to people or i just cant. its really just my best friend thats keeping me sane. but lately ive been feeling like she hates me too. its so lonely hating yourself and feeling that others hate me too. i wish i could get close to people but i dont even really enjoy the people who do wanna hang out. everything just makes me anxious and i hate myself for being like this i wish i could just tell people how i reallt feel but i always rhink: oh they dont wanna hear my sob story, im being annoying, im being too personal, im making excuses

i miss when it was a little bit easier to be positive