decayinghearg - Tumblr blog

[decayinghearg]

why is everyone literallt so annpying like use your fucking brain get away feom me i hate people so much

[decayinghearg]

bruh i start to think about him and my mood just gets worse and worse

i cant even control my thoughts hes just always on my mind its torture

[decayinghearg]

everyones just gonna leave me anyways so why bother at all

[decayinghearg]

i feel so hopeless i just sont know what to do at this point

i dont trust anyone and im hostile all fhe time

wvwryone would be much better off if i just shut myself out or died

[decayinghearg]

starting to feel like my best friend is getting sick of me too. shes the only person i have left idk what to do

[decayinghearg]

the mood swings r crazy

[decayinghearg]

why do i take everything so personal

[decayinghearg]

I NEED WEED PLEASSSSEEE😫😫😫😫😫😭😭😭😭😭😭i hate being alive i need to numb my thoughts like everything is aggravating me and then i have to wake up tmrw and do it all again with no end how do people live like this hello

[decayinghearg]

i actually hate everything and every1

[decayinghearg]

im so tired of missing him

[decayinghearg]

no one understands

[decayinghearg]

nauseous when i eat and nauseous when i dont eat im so over everything

[decayinghearg]

when im laughing at trisha paytas and i go to send the tiktok to him and suddenly NOTHING IS FUCKING FUNNY ANYMORE

[decayinghearg]

i legit miss him so bad i cant anymore

[decayinghearg]

instagram keeps recommending him to me and i keep pressing the x but this time our chat opened by mistake my heart stopped when i saw all the chats gone, the words you both dont follow eachother and the love theme still on. even tho its been almost 4 months, it hurts so bad. it hurts to think its almost been that long. was i nothing to him at all?????

[decayinghearg]

i hate myself so much. ive pushed almost everyone away, i feel so bad. i feel so stupid but when i see my insta followers go down or i see im getting less likes i feel bad abt myself. people dont like me anymore and i cant blame them. all summer people have tried to hang out with me but im so flakey. i just feel like i suck so bad that they shouldnt hang out with me or they wont care if i cancel cause im awful to be around anyways.

i just feel so fucking disconnected from my peers. i never let myself get close to people or i just cant. its really just my best friend thats keeping me sane. but lately ive been feeling like she hates me too. its so lonely hating yourself and feeling that others hate me too. i wish i could get close to people but i dont even really enjoy the people who do wanna hang out. everything just makes me anxious and i hate myself for being like this i wish i could just tell people how i reallt feel but i always rhink: oh they dont wanna hear my sob story, im being annoying, im being too personal, im making excuses

i miss when it was a little bit easier to be positive

[decayinghearg]

i dont really sleep anymore, its getting a little better not really tho. i live in a dissociative state and when im not disassociating im crying and freaking out. i hate how attached i get and i hate how much i hurt. i miss him and i miss the way he made me feel. i felt hope, that someone could love me. that i wasnt useless, ugly, annoying, unlovable. it could have been anyone that made me feel this way, just by noticing me, but he made me feel close to loved, by being himself. my self esteem is non existent at this point. i havent left my house in weeks, it would have been months but ive gone to walmart a couple times. i wasted my summer crying over him and i hate myself so much. i just couldnt help it. i finally felt seen, loved. we had so much planned and i didnt even see it coming. i felt like i was ripped from this amazing dream. he gave me confidence and i loved myself. he gave me a reason to keep trying.

if no one really loves me, then why keep going?