#anyways I'm sad but what else is new

[pardonmydelays]

huh

[veliseraptor]

just thinking about the "xue yang never cared about xiao xingchen he doesn't have real feelings and just thinks of him as a toy" take again and @ameliarating pointed something out to me namely:

Xue Yang broke into peals of laughter. "Wei-qianbei, you're merciless!"

"Fine, laugh. Even if you laugh yourself to death, Xiao Xingchen's soul will still be too broken to put back together. He found you repulsive, yet you still insist on dragging him back so that you can play games with him."

Abruptly, Xue Yang swung from laughter into rage. "Who wants to play games?!"

"Then why did you kneel in front of me and beg me to fix his soul for you?"

Of course, someone as clever as Xue Yang must have been aware that Wei Wuxian was trying to bait him. First, distracting him with anger, and second, provoking him into shouting, Wei Wuxian made it possible for Lan Wangji to deduce his location and strike. But still, Xue Yang couldn't help replying. "Why? Hah! As if you don't know. I want to turn him into a fierce corpse - under my control! Didn't he want to be a pure, virtuous cultivator? Then I'll make him endlessly slaughter people, so he'll never find peace!"

"Ah? You hate him that much? Then why did you kill Chang Ping?"

Xue Yang sneered. "Why did I kill Chang Ping? Do you need to ask, Yiling Patriarch? Didn't I already tell you? I said I was going to kill the entire Yueyang Chang Clan - I wasn't even going to spare one dog!"

[...] Wei Wuxian said, "You sure came up with a good explanation. Too bad the timing doesn't match up. Someone like you, who can't even let a dirty look go without avenging yourself a thousand times over, someone who strikes so swiftly and ruthlessly - if someone like you really wanted to kill off an entire family, why would they wait so many years to finish? You know perfectly well why you killed Chang Ping."

"Then tell me, what do I know? What do I know perfectly well?!"

He shouted this last sentence.

"You killed them, yes. But why lingchi? Killing someone that way signifies that it was punishment. If you were only getting revenge for yourself, why did you use Shuanghua and not your own Jiangzai? Why did you have to dig out Chang Ping's eyes and make him like Xiao Xingchen?"

Xue Yang shouted himself hoarse. "Bullshit! It's all bullshit! It was revenge - was I supposed to let him die comfortably?"

"Indeed, it was revenge. But whose revenge were you seeking? How ridiculous. If you genuinely wanted revenge, you should have sliced yourself into pieces!" (MDZS, Chapter 42)

so if we're meant to buy that interpretation, then...what is the point of this passage? what is it trying to say? is it just to give Wei Wuxian a means of distracting Xue Yang and making him show himself? then why this means? and why are we taking the line that Xue Yang himself, a famously reliable narrator (?) gives (re: wanting to turn Xiao Xingchen into a fierce corpse and control him) as the truth of the situation, as opposed to Wei Wuxian's own interpretation (where Xue Yang is taking revenge on Xiao Xingchen's behalf, albeit expressed onto a different target)? and what is the point of Xue Yang's reaction after this, where he suddenly goes silent and stops responding, meant to indicate? the fact that Xue Yang gets angrier and angrier at Wei Wuxian for pressing the point?

these are all cues present for a narrative purpose, not "just because," and they're pointing in a direction that indicates that Xue Yang in this scene is lying through his teeth, whether or not he admits that to himself.

furthermore, since inevitably "but adaptation" comes up in these conversations, CQL actually retains this scene in a remarkably intact form:

coming to the conclusion based on this scene alone (not even touching the narrative surrounding the events in the past) that people who claim that "xue yang had no genuine feelings about xiao xingchen whatsoever" is to be taken as truth are not just taking the most boring possible read of this text but also at least a little actively reading against it.

[pandora15]

i just think that it's really horribly painful that ilum, a place that is so sacred to the jedi and so important to their culture, eventually is converted to a superweapon that probably killed millions upon millions of people in the form of starkiller base and it just so horribly goes against everything that the jedi stood for that i just.

honestly this is probably one of the most painful things about star wars to me.

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

Anyway I got notified that I'll be getting a nice $$ bonus from work today and I wish that I could celebrate with someone in a way that didn't just feel like obnoxious bragging. Like beyond the financial aspect, it's just nice to be recognized for good work and I actually feel... good?? about this job??

But it feels so silly to say I want to celebrate when I just got back from what felt like my first real vacation in a very long time and am doing cool comic con stuff this weekend and am scheduled for a new tattoo next weekend. I am already doing lots of things to try to make myself feel good! It feels selfish to want more!

But I guess even with all of that, there's just still a hunger for external validation from trusted sources. Will I ever grow out of wanting someone to be proud of me?

[talkorsomething]

I have Got to get more transgender

[mithomite]

had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what

[ropertplant]

i started reading silence of the lambs today (i'm reading them chronologically so i'm 3/4 in) (</3) and i just want to say i hope thomas harris is getting the sloppiest head everyday for the rest of his life forever. forever. forever and ever.

[running-in-the-dark]

help I can't stop thinking about furniture. it's keeping me from thinking about the other way more important things I need to be thinking about (Jenkins, Dan Fielding, etc.)

[princesssarcastia]

the problem with being a lonely shut-in who wants to write about relationships is that it actually requires as much research as like, wanting to write about a guy who can have casual conversations about mechanical engineering.

and maybe that's just enough so you can SOUND like you know a bit about mechanical engineering. maybe it's not that much research at all. but it's still more research on relationships than i feel like a lot of other people doing the same thing have to do, which is none at all

[they-call-me-hippie]

Yeah I can tell people have lost their grasp on basic ongoing forms of oppression when they say things like "hatred of men and masculinity is one of the reasons trans women, BIPOC and Jewish men are persecuted" like what a non-sequiteur. Imagine being so ignorant of power structures in your attempt to """progressively""" defend men that you become transphobic

[halonicheart]

The Dress

I originally wanted to make a fic of this idea but it hasn’t really worked out well. I still wish to share this idea.

Before Lovette and co finally enter Ishgard, Haurchefant pulls her aside to speak with her. Truth be told, he was procrastinating on desk work that really needed to be done, and it will at some point, just certainly not this moment. It’s with good intention he’s putting off work, he wanted to see how she was doing. It was a mere day or so before her and her brother finally get to set foot in the city state from which their parents were born and raised in. Alas, were it only under better circumstances…

Still, surely she must at least be a little bit happy to see it and he can finally fulfill the promise he made the night they first met. Rather than go on and on about Ishgard, he poses her a question. When the dust has settled, what are her hopes for this place? Would she wish to live there? Oh he most certainly hopes so, even if she still chose to wander and simply have a home to return to in Ishgard Haurchefant would he content with that.

Lovette isn't entirely sure how to answer, she pined just to see it for so long that she never really thought on what would happen if and when she finally did. There's apart of her that worries she's romanticized it, to some extent, what if it wasn't all that her mother said it would be? No use pondering that whilst Haurchefant is staring at her expectantly. She needed to come up with something other than "I'm not sure..." Even if it was the truth.

She proceeds to mumble the first thing that comes to mind, something about a dress. Lovette wished for the earth to swallow her when Haurchefant asks what she means exactly. She back peddles, says it's nothing, just a silly little thought she had and nothing more. Being the kind man that he was, he encourages her that whatever was on her mind wasn't silly and even if it was... there was no shame in that.

Lovette ends up sharing more than she thought she ever would about her child her. When she was a little girl, her mother wore a particular dress she adored. Her mother, Isette, told her it was an Ishgardian gown, made just for her. The gown was a deep emerald green with black accents and filigree embroidery. It was a gift from her beloved husband, Valencia, well before they were married.

Her mother promised that when she was older, she would pass on this dress to her. However, the village she born and raised in was attacked, her mother turned up missing, their home a wreck, and the dress ruined. Lovette wished to recreate that dress or at the very least find something close to it. She went out of her to become a seamstress to attempt to make that dress... though she admits she hasn't been very on top of that skill. Most she can do is basic garments and mending them all the same. Though she jokes perhaps black would suit her more, she would probably look odd in green...

Haurchefant listened intently, not once interrupting. He only spoke when Lovette finished her rambling with another jab at herself. "Ah but, as I said before... just a silly thought... it is just a garment, there are more things to be done and to be seen there than window shopping..."

He would hear no such talk of something that holds that much sentiment. So Haurchefant makes her a promise, in a rather embarrassing manner. He took her hand in his and got down on one knee as if proposing, nearly scared the daylights out her too. 'Cheeky man' she thought to herself. The promise he made was to bestow with the very dress she described, black if she truly desired it but... he feels she would look lovely in dark green. It would take some time, but he will see to it that the gown will be hers to do with as she pleases.

Looking back, Lovette regrets ever thinking he was just saying that to make her feel better. He was always a man of his word... for a time, the dress and that promise was nearly forgotten.

Well after his passing, and not too long after Emmanellain sends Lovette an urgent but vague missive from Camp Dragonhead. The letter mentioned something very important that Lovette must see and encourage she come without a crowd... though Labault was allowed if she insisted not to come alone, being that is her brother. Regardless of these curious demands, she arrives on the garrison doorstep, alone.

Inside, she was greeted only by Honoroit and Emmanellain. No one else seemed to be in this immediate room, whether it was at Emmanellain's behest or by this she'll never know. She didn't think to ask.

Lovette is told to sit sight, wait just a moment then she will understand why she's here. She does as she is told, Honoroit remained behind while his Lord scurried off to make idle chat with her. He tells her of recent events, how the garrison has been, and how Belladonna, Haurchefant's noble steed, had taken to Emmanellain. It was wonderful to hear... she was moments from sharing her own recent endeavors when a certain someone finally returned. There, folded over his arms, was a gown... he lays it out on the table where Lovette sat.

"It... was found in his chambers you see, old girl..." Without another word, he passes her a crumbled up piece of parchment.

She takes it in a trance, smoothing it down to read the oh so familiar handwriting that made her heart swell and ache all the same. It must have been a draft, some words were scratched out, there were a few ink blotches and water stain at the top corner. Never got to finalize it... or perhaps he felt there was no need to...

The only legible portion read as follows-

Dearest Lovette,

I swore to you that I bestow you with the dress of your dreams, akin to the one your mother wore. Truth be told, I had originally opted for the same shade of green as you described but... I was convinced otherwise by someone close to you. You do look rather fetching in black, I will admit, though I am more than certain any shade would suit you well. Regardless, your preference won over all.

I remember the look you gave me when I made that promise. Surely you must have thought me a touch foolish to do so in such a manner. Forgive me, I never do feel quite like myself around you, in only the best of ways I assure you. It only felt right at the time... so, is it to your liking? Is it just how you wanted? I do hope so.

Oh how I eagerly await the smile on your face when you see the dress! The smile you will have reading this... I can see it now. Surely it would be the same smile you gave me the night we met. You are smiling aren't you?

If I may make one selfish request, I would like to walk to the streets of Ishgard with you as you wear this garment. Until then...

It was scratched out but Lovette could vaguely make out he had originally wrote With all my Love and swapped it out with Sincerely, your Ser Knight Haurchefant

Lovette was a crying mess by the time she finished reading. How foolish of her to think he would not make due on his word. Even from beyond the grave, he kept his promise. "Thank you..." She wept. "Thank you so much Emmanellain..." She stands to pull him into a bone crushing hug, one he returns in kind. He admits that when he found it, he was nearly discouraged from giving it to her so soon. He almost listened too, thought maybe it was best to wait, until he found the letter as well... He knew that Lovette needed to see this as soon as possible in that moment.

Of course, she wore the dress. Why wouldn't she? She made sure to visit her dearest knight's memorial first and foremost. He may not have been able to give to her himself, he will never get to walk with her through streets as she wore this garment... but that was okay.

Even after all the turmoil, she is still here. She is still a good person. And she was smiling.

[woerended-a]

I should make a new OC sometime...

[purplemagpie]

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[quatregats]

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[jorjin]

Thinking about the fact I wanted to be friends with my ex if we separated in the past but now that it finally happened I just don't want anything to do with him at all

[kaiasky]

listen up chucklefucks, i just gotta say. I'm not defending zir, but I'm sad zie deactivated. Like, i get that trauma lasts a long time and the good stuff is maybe easy to forget?? so maybe it's just like that. And my beloved mutual @/pompeyspuppygirl made a post about zir clout chasing behavior, which is pretty shitty behavior if it's true (and if we're canceling someone it had better be pretty severe). anyways now that zie's gone pompeyspuppygirl said it was okay to make this post (again, thanks ppg everyone go follow her--really everyone in this whole drama is worth a follow)

ANYways yeah zie was my mutual and like, reblogged a lot my smaller posts. (that isn't to discredit what my mutual pompeyspuppygirl is saying about zie clout chasing ofc). AND idk zie was always reblogging art from new and undiscovered artists and reblogging donation posts (which if you don't know is really bad if you're trying to clout chase...) (again, though, ppg is my mutual i believe her.) and like, remember on valentines day i tried to blaze zir posts and zie told me to stop because zie didn't want the posts to go viral? (but again ppg is my mutual and has a lot of proof in the Google doc I'm not trying to disprove that I'm just saying what else I know)

Idk, like i feel like a lot of people loved zir's blog a while back, bc like zie DID make some good posts?? So idk why everybody's acting like they aren't even a little bit sad.,. like ngl this feels like maybe all the reasonable people left to Twitter and all the Twitter refugees who love drama came here??? shdfhhdhdhdhdh haha but idk...look idk, i just, julie i do miss you. idk. more thoughts later sorry I'm getting worked up shshs