#was with a dear friend of my parents on new years eve

[princesssarcastia]

the problem with being a lonely shut-in who wants to write about relationships is that it actually requires as much research as like, wanting to write about a guy who can have casual conversations about mechanical engineering.

and maybe that's just enough so you can SOUND like you know a bit about mechanical engineering. maybe it's not that much research at all. but it's still more research on relationships than i feel like a lot of other people doing the same thing have to do, which is none at all

[whorekneecentral]

Traditions

Carlos Sainz Jr x Fem!Reader

Warnings: loose version of spanish new years traditions (might not be accurate, I googled lol), carlos has wandering hands, red underwear means good luck, dirty texts, carlos sr is over his son and his nonsense, you and carlos are on grape prep, kitchen sex, oral (f!receiving and m!receiving), penetrative sex (p in v), hair pulling, 'whore' used in a sexual context, cumplay sorta, ana is over you two as well, midnight kisses.

Word Count: 1,839

Author's Note: sorry for the late upload, it's been a hectic day!

merry smutmas series

--

Coming back from Christmas with your family, the two of you return to Spain to celebrate new years with his family and all their traditions. 

The holidays were a big thing for the Sainz family, both Christmas and New Year's warranted a big party.

It's 8pm on New Year's Eve and you were getting ready for the party that would be starting in an hour. You're in your boyfriend, Carlos's bedroom, sitting at the vanity doing your makeup when he got out of the shower.

You can see Carlos's reflection in the mirror, the white, fluffy towel hanging off of his waist to the beads of water still dripping down his bare chest. "I can feel you staring." He says, walking over to you.

Rolling your eyes, you speak. "Admiring, not staring. I have manners, unlike someone." You teased, watching as his arms snake around you, hands pulling on the bow that kept your robe shut.

"Behave," you scolded him, swatting his hands away. Carlos ignored you. "You look beautiful, mi amor." He whispers in your ear, your cheeks now red and the same colour as your bra that was peeking out.

Seems Carlos noticed the same thing, undoing your robe to confirm what he saw.

"What's this?" He asks, admiring the red lace you were wrapped up in. He seemed a bit confused to see you in the red set, knowing that it was something that you kept solely for when he got good race results.

Your brows furrow, "do you not know? Your sisters say that red underwear brings good luck."

"You don't really believe that," he chuckled, walking off to get dressed. You roll your eyes, "as if you don't. Your mom told me about your Ferrari contract and the red boxers that you keep for special occasions."

Carlos peeks out from his closet, "she told you that ?"

"Of course, do you think we sit in silence when we have lunch?" You laughed, taking the curlers out of your hair.

At some point after that, you two ventured down to the party.

Things were well underway, Carlos's parents entertaining, his sisters with their husbands dancing around with a few friends.

Carlos had separated from you to talk about his racing season with a few of his cousins who had arrived to the party late while you were pulled into a conversation with his father and his colleagues. Your father in law liked to show you off, his arm over your shoulder as he tells all his friends that you were like another daughter to him.

Your phone buzzed in your hand, glancing at it to see who had texted you.

It was your boyfriend, the same man who had been making heart eyes at you all night long.

From Carlos: meet me in my room.

You rolled your eyes, knowing what he wanted but you shot him a quick reply anyways.

To Carlos: what for? can you not see that I'm busy ?

From Carlos: a quickie, what else? I can't take my eyes off of you.

You snorted a laugh, he was ridiculous; he acted like a horny teenager around you, despite the fact that he was 30.

Carlos Sr seemed to notice your little laugh, glancing over at you. "Que pasa cariño?" (what happened dear?)

You decided to give Carlos a mini heart attack, knowing he's looking at you right now. You show your phone to his father, his dad rolling his eyes at his son's behaviour, giving him a disapproving look from across the room.

Carlos Sr takes your phone from you, texting something you don't see until he passes the phone back to you.

To Carlos: ella está ocupada ahora mismo. (she's busy right now.)

Your lips pressed together, biting back a laugh as your father in law led you to the dance floor, his hand in yours as he spun you around. You indulged the man, dancing with him for a bit before passing him over to Blanca for the rest of the song.

Reyes finds you shortly after, her hand in yours as she drags you to Carlos, also grabbing her son by the wrist. The two of you exchanged a glance, a bit confused as to what was going on and unsure if you were in trouble for something. The woman takes you two into the kitchen, there are little bowls lined up on trays as well as 4 massive basins of grapes.

"I forgot to ask the catering staff to put these together, they've left for the evening. Can you two do it?"

Carlos nods, "of course, no problem."

They had a tradition, 12 grapes at midnight was a symbol of the upcoming 12 months and would bring you good luck.

You and Carlos were left to sort out the grapes, putting twelve of them into each bowl; you started lining up the bowls while Carlos was washing the grapes off in the sink.

The two of you split it up, as he dried them and put them back into the basin, you sorted and dropped the 12 grapes into the small bowls.

You were on the last set, Carlos was moving the ones that were done to the table by the door so it'd be easier for the guests to grab.

The man comes up behind you, arms around your waist, lips on your neck. His stubble poking at your skin, kissing it softly. You rolled your eyes.

"What do you want?"

"I can't give my girlfriend a kiss?"

"No," you scoffed, "a kiss is never a kiss with you."

Case in point; Carlos's hands wandered down from your waist to your hips.

"Carlos," you mumble, feeling his fingers meet your bare skin, the hem of your dress moving higher and higher with each passing second. "Don't," you warn him, the man ignoring you.

The grapes long forgotten, your hands gripping at the counter as you feel your boyfriend drop down onto his knees behind you, a trail of sloppy kisses on the back of your thighs.

“Carlos,” you call, “we shouldn't.”

“Don’t you want to?” He asks, fingers dancing along your skin. You let out a breath when you feel his lips on your thigh, soft kisses being peppered across the surface. “Of course I do.” You whispered.

“Then shut up,” he smiles, his head disappearing under the dress.

Your head falls forward against your arms when you feel his tongue on you, he’s yet to move your panties and you're already a mess.

He finally does, smiling to himself when he notices that it’s also red; matching the bra he saw peeking out the top of your robe earlier. “Fuck-” you breathe, fingers still gripping at the marble counters.

He looked up, fixed on you; your hair tossed in every direction and your head tipped back. He can see the necklace you have on, the 55 pendant hanging from it, the same pendant and necklace he gifted you all those years ago for your first Christmas together.

The man gets up, kissing you when he does. You can taste yourself on his lips, Carlos turns you to face him properly and pushes you back against the counter once again, your hand slipping between the two of you as you undo his pants. He pulls your leg to hitch on his hip, your panties already pulled to the side and your dress rolled up at your hips.

Please don’t let there be wrinkles you think, the thought being cut off when Carlos pushes into you. His lips find yours, muffling your moans as he fucks you. Your nails dig into his bicep, his shirt sleeve definitely wrinkled.

“Hold on,” he tells you, pulling out and you whimper at the loss of the fullness. Carlos turns you around and you get what he’s doing, letting you feel a bit more comfortable.

Soon enough, you’re bent over the counter, the last row of grapes discarded off to the side.

His hand is placed on your hip, holding you in place as he pushes into you, picking up the pace again. Your head drops down onto your arms and he didn’t like that. He pulls you up by your hair, your back arches and his arm wrapped around your middle, holding you up.

“You don’t want everyone to hear what a whore you are, do you?” He asks you, his lips against your ear.

You shook your head, knowing if you speak, you’d just be rambling incoherently. “Gonna cum for me, aren't you ? You’re my good girl.” He says.

He feels you clench around him and his hand reaches between the two of you, his fingers finding your clit once again. “Oh my god,” your hips bucked, Carlos' fingers matching the pace of his hips, your body rocking back and forth to get the most out of him.  

“C’mon amor, want you to cum for me.” He says, knowing it won't be long more. 

He watches as your eyes flutter shut and he reaches you with his other hand, holding your jaw and pulling you up a little, your elbows holding up the weight of your body. A few more sloppy thrusts and between that and his fingers, you’re over the edge. 

He kisses you, muffling the noise you were making. 

Without warning, Carlos pulls out of you and pulls you off the counter. You were confused as to what was happening, still in a post orgasm daze. 

The man has you on your knees, looking up at him. 

The dots connect the moment his cock’s pressed to your tongue and he watches as you circle your tongue around the tip. 

“Fuck,” he leans back against the counter, pushing your head down to take all of him in your mouth. His eyes are fixed on you, hand tangled in your hair as you take all of him in your mouth. 

The sight alone was enough to get him to cum and it did. 

You look up at him through your lashes as swallow. 

His hand finds your chin, leaning down to kiss you. “Good girl,” he mumbles against your lips. 

It takes you two a moment to re-situate yourselves, fixing your clothes and hair. You had Carlos wipe the counters down while you washed your hands rather thoroughly before finishing up on the grapes.

There's a knock on the wall, Ana peeking into the kitchen. "Mama wanted to know if you two got lost in here." She joked.

Carlos shook his head, "we were just talking."

Ana eyes your smudged lipstick and her brother's messy hair. "Hm, okay. Help me bring out the grapes?" She asks and you push past Carlos, ignoring his smirk as you helped her carry out the trays and pass out the grapes.

Shortly after, you find Carlos in a corner. You passed him a bowl of grapes and kept the other for yourself as you sat on his lap. One by one, you ate them until all 12 were gone.

The clock struck 12, the fireworks popping outside. "Happy new years, mi amor." Carlos whispered to you, kissing you softly.

Your thumb brushed over his cheek, "happy new years Carlos."

---

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[worldofkuro]

Painted Smile

Painted Smile VII

<- Previous Chapter | Next Chapter ->

Pairing: Alastor x Female! Reader

Summary: You couldn't wait to meet new friends. What you didn't expect was this smiling little boy, only one year older than you, that would take such a big place in your life.

Notes: 4913 words... I don't know what happened. I'm so tired, it's 1 am but who cares, I needed to drop the new chapters. I really hope you'll enjoy it dears ! Tell me what you think of it! Because I'm dead tired there might have more mistake than usual, I'll check it out tomorrow.

“ And then I kind of kissed him through the blanket.”

You stared as Alice squealed with delight, bouncing on her seat in front of you. You were in your living room,sitting on your sofa, your Mother was out which made you alone with your friend. You just finished telling her what happened two days ago and she seemed delighted while you were… confused. At that moment you didn’t even think, you just… went for the kiss. It wasn’t even a kiss, your lips didn’t touch! You just felt the blanket!

“ And then ? And then ? Don’t leave me hanging, tell me what happened next!” begged Alice while she was squeezing a cushion against her chest. You turned your head toward the chimney’s fire. You were the 20th of December. Christmas was around the corner and then Alastor’s birthday…And you still didn’t have any ideas for a present ! You sighed, you were losing against the clock… “ Hey, are you doing alright ?”

“ Oh, sorry Alice, nothing happened after. He… reassured me and then he went home. But the problem right now is that I don’t have his Chrismas’s present… I don’t even have his birthday’s present!”

“ He was born on the first of January, right ?” You nodded and she tilted her head backward, thinking about a present for your friend. You almost scoffed, you trusted her but if YOU couldn’t find a present for Alastor, how could she do it? “ Hey, before I forget, I asked my parents if I could celebrate Chrismas’s Eve with friends and they said yes!” she clapped her hands together. “ You should come, and bring Alastor with you !”

Going to a soirée with Alastor..? You looked at Alice. She was indeed the daughter of a rich family but she wasn’t like those pompous people who thought they were better than anyone. She was open minded. She made friends with everyone, white people, coloured people, everyone.. And you were surprised her parents were okay with it. Maybe they weren’t closed minded people?

You kind of wanted to see Alastor in this kind of environment, you have never seen him all dressed up since you were kids. It could be fun ! But would he agree ? You could almost hear his voice saying he didn’t want to leave his Mother alone for Chrismas’s Eve.. You didn’t want to leave your mother alone either– Wait, that was it! You would invite Marie to pass Chrismas’s Eve with your Mother and you and Alastor would go to Alice’s soirée and then celebrated Christmas in your own house with Alastor and her mother!  

“ From your smile, I guess it is a yes?” asked Alice with a grin. You winked at her before standing up.

“ It’s a maybe… I don’t know if Alastor would want to come.”

“Mhn.. If he doesn’t want to come, tell him that John will be there.” she said with a teasing expression, like she knew something you didn’t. You raised an eyebrow at her, suspicious.

“ Alice… Did you talk with Alastor when he walked you home?”

“ Oh! Actually yes, he is the one who began to talk. He asked about our relationship, he seemed very protective of you, it was cute!” she beamed as she giggled. You blushed, looking away. “ But you think he would not like a party?  He seemed like he would be the star of the soirée!”

You did know that. Alastor has something that made people want to approach him. He was almost seventeen but he already had so much charisma, he was a proper gentleman. You weren’t blind, you could see more and more young ladies turn their eyes on him when you were walking outside. You wondered if he was aware of it? If he was, he never made a deal of it, he would just smile back at them if they happened to catch his eyes. 

You wondered how ladies would try to approach Alastor. You’ve known him for eight years, so you weren’t impressed by him anymore, if you wanted you would just jump on his back because you were tired and he would carry you home just like. No questions asked. You smiled without noticing, people might have found Alastor difficult to approached but for you, it was as easy as breathing.

You kind of wanted to see people trying to approach Alastor now…

“ Well, I just have to convince Alastor.”

~~

“ I’ll be delighted!”

You blinked, turning your head toward him. He was laying on the tree’s foot, seeming to be reading a book as you were sitting on the swing. It was snowing today, but you both decided to stay outside for a change. The forest was pretty hidden under a white blanket.

You went to Alastor’s house after parting ways with Alice. You did pay attention to the people around, but you didn’t see any man that would be stalking you. You were sure, if there was a stalker, that he would stalk Alice, not you. But Alastor has made you promise that you would pay attention so…

“ Really? You would like to come?” you smiled as you let the swing go, walking toward him. He put his book down and looked up at you with his usual grin, he really seemed excited about it! 

“ Of course dear, going to a soirée with you holding on to my arm? How could I refuse? And I’m sure my Mother would be delighted to celebrate Christmas’s Eve with your mother, as long as we celebrate Christmas with them.” he sketched before sitting up. He tilted his head and you couldn’t help but laugh as you saw a few leaves and snow on his hair. You sat next to him and began to take the leaves out of his hair. In two seconds, Alastor was laying back down on the grass but this time his head was on your thighs. He took his book back and continued his reading as you stroked his hair, looking at the sky.

What kind of dress would you wear? You never went to a soirée before, you needed to look your best, you wanted to impress Alastor. You’ve never really put too much thought into what you wore, you’ll have to ask Alice for advice… You wondered how Alastor was going to show up..

“ Alastor, what are you going to wear?” you looked at him, still playing with his hair, how could his hair be so soft to the touch? He didn’t move his gaze from the book, answering you with a teasing smile.

“ Why? ”

“ Come on, I was just wondering… I don’t know what kind of dress would suit me, I have never been to a fancy soirée. I’m scared of being… underdressed. “ and you didn’t want Alastor to be ashamed of you because of your poor choice of outfit. He stayed silent for a minute and then tilted his head backward on your laps so he could stare into your gaze.

“ Red suits you.” 

You stared in his eyes, the sun made them look almost caramel like. He was so lucky to be this handsome, really ,and he wasn’t even a full grown man yet. You pouted, looking away. How unfair.

“ Well, thank you, does that mean that the only color that suits me is red and I look awful with any other color?” 

“ Oh I didn’t say that. I just want to see you in red.”

You looked at him and couldn’t help the smile sketching your lips. Well, if that’s what he wanted. You took his book off his hands, which he let you do, still looking at you. You put the book next to you, on the grass. 

“ Do you think you'll be able to keep up with me if we have to dance ?” you teased him, raising an eyebrow. His eyes widened before he roared with laughter, holding his belly. You chuckled at his reaction, you knew that Alastor was an amazing dancer, you just wanted to hear him laugh… 

“ Oh my dearest friend, if we happen to dance, trust me, I’ll make it so you wouldn’t be able to walk for some days.” he winked at you with a confident smile. You laughed out loud, throwing your head back.

“ And I’ll make it so you wouldn’t ever consider another partner!” he took your hand in his with a soft smile, caressing your skin. You looked up as you heard someone coming and your eyes met Marie’s. She smiled softly at you, saying it was time for you to go home, she didn’t like you going home at night and didn't want you to catch a cold.

Alastor stood up, before taking his book. You stood up with his help, said goodbye to Marie’s and went back home with Alastor. Since the “stalker” evenement, he didn’t want you to walk home alone. You rolled your eyes at him but at least you could stay with Alastor a little while longer, so it was worth it. You walked together on the road of New Orleans, watching at the shop vitrines if it could give you some ideas for Alastor’s gift.

“ Hey, Alasto-”

You screamed as your foot slid on ice. You felt yourself falling before Alastor wrapped his arms around you and tugged your body against him before gracefully dancing around the freezed road. You stared at him, your eyes wide opened as he made you spin on the freezing floor, but you never fell, he was moving your body, like it was another part of him. You began to laugh happily. You let him take control of your body, letting him make you dance as he wished. Not too long after he made you drop, your head almost touching the ground. You stared at him as he held you firmly, your breath coming in short puff. He was staring intensely at you with a satisfied smile.

“ No matter what, I’ll always catch you if you fall.”

You smiled at him as he straightened you before offering his arm to you. You took it, as you kept walking toward your home and of course, as always, he leaned in to give you a kiss on your forehead before leaving. You stared at him until you couldn’t see him anymore and then you decided to enter your home.

“ Mom~ What would you think about celebrating Christmas’ Eve with Marie~?”

~~~

“ This is a disaster Alice !” 

You fell on your bed,head in your pillow ready to scream bloody murder. You haven’t found a single red dress that suited you. You hated every single dress you had tried ! And Alice’s soirée was tomorrow night ! You didn’t know what to do with your hair, with your makeup and you still didn’t have anything to wear ! 

“ I see… Well, it seems like it’s my time to shine ! Look what I’ve got you !” She took a bag from behind her and put it in front of your bed. You lifted your head from your pillow and opened the bag. Your eyes opened as you saw a beautiful black and red flapper dress. Your eyes were wide open, you’ve only seen this kind of dress with the riches folks. You stared at Alice, your mouth wide open without being able to put words together. “ I know you will look delicious like this, come on, try it on so we can find makeup and hairstyle to go with it!”

“ We can see my legs !”

“ We’ll wear stockings, don’t worry ! It’s almost 1920’s, come on!”

“ We’ll be in 1917 next month!”

“ That’s what I said, come on now!”

You undressed yourself before looking at the dress. It was very pretty and it was shining with so many sparkles… You dressed up and put on some heels and then you looked at yourself in the mirror. You looked… like a woman. You really liked the dress… you moved around a bit, it was comfortable, you feel like you could dance with it! You could feel the flapper moving against your thighs with each movement. You blushed a little and looked at Alice who was staring at you with stars in her eyes.

“ Ooh, yes! You’ll look perfect ! Don’t worry, I’ll have some similar dress, you’ll not feel left out! Now, the makeup and the hairstyle my friend~.”

Oh dear.

~~~

It was the day. You were in front of your mirror. You were wearing your dress, your black heels, you had put a red lipstick on your lips and a bit of mascara. You were so nervous. What if Alastor found you absolutely ridiculous ? Oh you couldn’t live with the humiliation. You heard your door open and turned around to see your mother, staring at you with teary eyes.

“ Oh sweetheart, you look… Breathtaking, your father would be crying…” She went into your bedroom and hugged you which you immediately reciprocated. 

“ I don’t look stupid ?”

“ Baby, no. You look like a grown woman! Oh, how time flies…you're already sixteen...” she smiled before you heard someone ringing at your door making you tense. It was Alastor, you were sure of it. Your Mother smiled at you before winking and then she left you bedroom, going downstairs so she could open the door. You tried to hear what they were saying but you couldn’t hear anything…

You looked at yourself one last time in the mirror.

“ Come on girl. You’re going to an amazing soirée and you’ll enjoy every single second of it, okay?” you nodded at your reflection. Great.

You sighed and then left your bedroom. You took a deep breath and then began to walk down the stairs, your heels making noises against the wooden stairs. You heard Alastor and Marie’s voice getting closer. You saw your mother at the bottom of the stairs with an encouraging smile. 

“ Alastor, come closer, there she is !”

You heard his shoes before finally seeing him.

Oh.

He was beautiful.

His dark hair was slicked back, he didn’t have his glasses on, he was wearing a dark redded suit and he was holding a bouquet of flowers in his right hand. He was staring at you, his eyes wide open. You both stood there, without talking or doing anything else. You took a shaky breath before walking down the stairs until you were in front of him, thanks to your heels you were face to face with him. He was still staring at you with a straining smile. Did he find you ridiculous, did you try too hard? You kissed him softly on both cheeks and you heard him gulp. What was happening to him?

“ Alastor, please say something…” you begged, looking down.

You felt his hand on your face, raising your chin up so he could meet your gaze. His smile was softer and his eyes still had this intense glint that made you relax.

“ I told you, red is our color.” he smirked before giving you the bouquet. You grinned as you stared at the beautiful flowers in front of you and then you looked at Alastor’s eyes. He didn’t even once let his gaze move away from you, it made you feel warm. You smiled brightly as your mother took the flowers from you, putting it in a vase. 

“ You both are so beautiful, but leaving before being late !” Marie said just after taking a picture of you. You took a long coat that hid your figure before leaving with your arm around Alastor’s one. 

“ I can’t wait to be there ! “ you said excitedly. You were still feeling nervous but Alastor by your side, it was getting easier to just be excited about this party. You felt Alastor grip your arm tighter as you walked into a busy road. You tried not to bump into people, and after a thirty minute walk, you find yourself in front of a huge house. Was it a mansion?

You knocked on the huge door and a butler opened the door, eyeing suspiciously but before you could even your mouth you saw Alice running toward you. She was wearing an outfit similar to yours, as promised, but hers was white and blue. She looked almost angelic.

“ You made it ! Come, come, come inside!” 

You walked into a huge reception room and there were already so many people inside. The butler took off your coat making you feel a little cold, so you just stayed against Alastor who put his arms around your shoulder. Alice introduced some of her friends, you could not remember every name, there were too many. Did Alice really know all of them? Some of them looked like real adults, and was that a band that was getting ready? You went with Alastor toward the buffet.

“ Well, what do you think of it so far?” you asked him with a tired smile. He took a drink and sniffed it before putting it back. “ What?”

“ Be careful, some of the brevage have alcohol,” he said before leaning against the wall.” but I’m not surprised. Your friend seems to be the type to always go big.  Being able to pull off this kind of soirée with a war going on? I’m almost impressed.” he said before straightening his tie. 

“ Alastor, is it you?”

You turned to the voice and saw a beautiful lady. She smiled sweetly at Alastor who gave her his usual smile. Who was she? She began to talk with Alastor, ignoring your presence. You tilted your head, it was the first time someone came straight at Alastor with you next to him. She seemed so confident, you almost envied her. Almost. You were a polite girl, you wouldn’t interrupt them but you didn’t want to stand next to them too long, it would get boring quickly. You took a drink from the buffet and sipped it. It was sweet, you wondered what it was. You smirked, you could already imagine Alastor’s face at the disgustingly sweet brevage you just had.

You should prank him. You took another cup and turned toward Alastor before being startled by the band who began to play music. You almost dropped the cup, that was a close call.. You looked at Alastor who was being dragged by the lady toward the dancefloor. 

Wait what? 

You stared at the scene in front of you, as Alastor began to dance with her.

What?

“ Oh, who do we kill before Christmas?” You turned your head toward Alice who was trying to see what you were watching. “ Oh… Oh, yes. Jealous?”

“ No! I’m just .. surprised. I didn’t know Alastor had other female friends.. Come on, let’s dance.” you finished your drink and dragged Alice who eagerly nodded. 

You both danced with each other, smiling. It was fun! The band was playing some good tunes! She gave you a spin who landed you into someone's arms. You looked up and saw John, your school’s mate.

“ You look beautiful like this…” he said as he admired you. You nodded with a confident smile. You didn’t know why but you felt like the most powerful woman right now! He smiled at you, before looking away shyly. “ Care to bless me with a dance?” You laughed, so formal. You took his hand and danced with him, keeping your eyes open to match his steps. You did stop him from lifting you in the air though, you didn’t trust him to keep you up in the air but thankfully he didn’t take it badly.

You took a look at Alastor and couldn’t help but frown. He was dancing amazingly, as always, spinning the woman before tugging her against him. You pouted, you thought he only did that with you.

As the party kept going you were getting more and more agitated. Why was Alastor still not dancing with you? You didn’t know why, but most of the time you were a good girl but when Alastor was included, you could become the worst brat ever. You walked toward the buffet, took another drink and went toward the band, you needed to look confident. You spoke to the singer and he smiled before making some place for you. He placed the microphone in front of you and asked you what song you wanted to sing.

You smirked and asked for a song you and Alastor’s used to dance on when you were younger. You were watching the crowd, took a deep breath and began to sing. You stared at Alastor who was dancing with another girl but once he heard your voice he turned his head toward the scene , where you were standing. You couldn’t feel but something in your belly, just like that his attention was back on you. You saw the girl trying to keep his gaze on her and you smirked. Not today.

Today you were selfish.

You sang like there was no tomorrow, the crowd clapping their hands with the rhythm of the song, you didn’t think you ever sang this good. You had perfect control on your voice, you were even dancing on the stage as the band were giving their all with you. You looked at Alastor who was still dancing with the lady, even if you could see he was getting bored. Well, you could help. You began to sing with more energy, the band making the rhythm faster as well. You could feel your lips sketched into a mocking smile as you saw the girl not being able to keep up with Alastor. Perfect.

You went down the stage , still singing. The crowd parted for you and you couldn’t help but feel excited. You walked toward Alastor, he had his back on you. You slided your hand on his back making him flinch. He turned his head toward you with a surprised expression. You grinned at him, singing before smoothly taking Alastor away from the girl. You both were encircled by the crowd but you didn’t care. Alastor and you danced, never breaking eye contact. You kept the rhythm as fast as you could, every step was nailed, every spin. You would have your back against his chest and then he would spin you so your face was inches away from each other. And then Alastor lifted you in his arms before throwing you in the air. You closed your eyes, feeling perfectly safe. He promised he would always catch you if you were to fall.

You fell down in his arms, your head near the floor but never touching it. You felt his breath on your lips and you opened your eyes, staring right back into his gaze. He was sweating and so were you. You were holding his shoulder, breathing hard. You were both alone in your own world. 

And just like that, the spell broke as the crowd cheered for you. You blinked and Alastor straightened you up with a genuine smile. You grinned at him before you both bowed to the crowd. You went back to the stage, giving back the microphone before going to the buffet, you needed some fresh water.

“ Oh my Lord, you both were.. I don’t even have the words!” squealed Alice as she shook you by the shoulders. You laughed at her reaction , it was just you being petty because Alastor wasn’t paying attention to you.

“It really was amazing.” John said as he clapped while you were drinking a glass of water.

“ That’s what happens when you let us do our things together, let that be a lesson folks.”  Alastor said as he put his arms around your shoulders.  You nudged him but couldn’t contain your laughter. You were having a great time.

You had other dances with Alastor, before people were making little group. You were sitting on a table with Alice,John,Alastor and other people you dind’t know. You didn’t know why, maybe they drank some alcohol but the conversation which was proper began to turn toward something more… spicy?

“ You’ve never kissed before? Hoho, you don’t know what you are missing.” said a lady to John who just blushed. The lady stared languidly at Alastor. “ And you, pretty boy? Have you ever kissed someone ?”  You were ready to tell the lady to back off, you didn’t want her to embarrass Alastor because he didn’t have his first kiss.

“ Yes, I have.”

Huh?

“ Oh, I’m not surprised. And you sweetie?” you felt everyone's eyes on you and you blushed. Even Alice had already kissed someone !

“ N-no, I have never.”

“ Well, why not remedy it tonight, just before Christmas ! John, was it, why don’t you kiss our adorable singer right here?” you flushed even more as John was looking at you, seeming hesitant. 

“ As if my dearest friend’s first kiss would be with such a boring fella, no offense my friend.” said Alastor sarcastly.  You frowned, why would he care! He already had his first kiss and he didn’t even tell you. You stood up.

“ I need some air, I’ll be back.”

You took a sip of your glass with the sweet juice and went out, in the garden. You heels hit the paving stone as you try not to burst out of… of what? sadness? angryness? You sighed as you stared at the stars in the sky, you felt the snow falling on your naked arms. You could even see the air you were breathing.

“ You are going to catch a cold.”

You turned your head toward Alastor as he took off his blazer, ready to hand it to you. You shook your head.

“ No, I needed… I need the cold air.”

“ Why did you lie ?”

“ Pardon?” you turned your body toward him as he took a step toward you.

“ About your first kiss.”

“ I didn’t lie, I’ve never kissed anyone. And unlike you, if I did, I would have told you but Mister Alastor doesn’t care to share such a secret with me, am I right?” you crossed your arms over your chest. He smiled at you mockingly. You felt anger sweltering inside you.

“ Don’t you dare look at me like that, Alastor.”

“ You’ve always been endearingly stupid. My first kiss was with you, in your room, remember ?” he tilted his head as he took another step toward you.

You felt your body relaxed. You couldn’t be angry with him. He didn’t know. He wasn’t reading the same book as you. You have been so embarrassed when he had catched you reading a love story but at least you knew what a first kiss was! 

“ Alastor, a kiss isn’t… A first kiss is something you must share with a special someone. Your lips need to touch the other one.” you blushed as you looked away. “ I think.. Th-The lips need to move against each other an-and..”

You took a step back but his hand found the back of your waist as he softly tugged you against him. You knew he was trying to find your eyes but you were so embarrassed by what you just told him.

“ So, a first kiss must be with a special someone, right?” he waited for you to nod before raising your chin with his finger. “ Then, can I give you my real first kiss?” You stared at him with your eyes wide open, your cheeks flushed red.

“ What..”

“ You are my most special person since childhood… For me, it’s only natural for you to have my first kiss.” he smiled at you, his eyes shining with that oh so familiar glint you were used to seeing each time he was looking at you. “ You don’t have to if you don’t want of course, but–”

“ I want to. You.. You are also my .. most special person…” he nodded with a soft genuine smile that made you feel warm inside. You closed your eyes as you waited for him to kiss you.

“ Nu-uh, keep your eyes on me.” you opened your eyes, blushing furiously.

“ You are supposed to close your eyes when you are kissing someone !”

“ I don’t really care, this is our first kiss, we’ll do it how we want.” he smirked as he approached his face toward you. Your eyes were looking at his lips then his eyes, you couldn't focus on something, you were stressed, you were nervous, you were excited. Your eyes were half closed when you felt his warm lips against your cold one. You looked at his eyes, his gaze piercing your gaze with an intensity too much to bear, you closed your eyes.

It wasn’t like in the book but you didn’t know why, you didn’t care. 

You kept your eyes closed as Alastor stepped back slightly , you could still feel his breath against your mouth. You opened your eyes and gave him a shy smile as he whispered.

“ So dear, have you ever kissed someone ?” you nodded. “ With whom?”

“ Alastor.”

“ How was it?”

“ Perfect.” you smiled at him as he grinned at you before covering your shoulder with his blaze. 

“ Come on now, the soirée needs its stars !”

Tag List: lukneetoonz @martinys-world @littlepoetnova @sirens-and-moonflowers @eris-norwega @tiredflame132 @mo-0-o @vvollerie @boogiemansbitch @sodavizz @tessemerick @slytherin4ever @kammsinn @alastorssimp

[harunayuuka2060]

Grandma MC: *chuckles* What happened?

Floyd: *hugging her* The world is so unfair, Granny! *cute sound of frustration; and pouting*

Grandma MC: I don't understand, son.

Azul: Malleus made a mistake and we entered your early childhood memories first.

Jade: And Floyd saw you when you were a little child, tried to hug you, and was only able to touch the air.

Grandma MC: *hearty laugh* Oh dear.

Silver: Everyone, I think this is Granny when she was a baby.

Grandma MC: *when she was two years old* *hugging an otter*

Otter: *genuinely enjoying the hug*

Grandma MC's parents: Dear, the otter needs to go to its home.

Grandma MC: *lets go of the otter*

Otter: *goes back to her to snuggle*

Grandma MC's parents: *sigh*

Ace: AWWWWWWWW~! *then sees Floyd standing behind Granny*

Floyd: *the face of cute aggression*

Ace: ...

Silver: ...

Ace: Uh... Malleus-senpai? Why don't we move to a different memory?

Malleus: Why?

Silver: Floyd seems to be—

Floyd: Why can't I hold Granny?!

Jade: Floyd, this is a memory. Of course you won't be able to touch anything.

Azul: Yes. And stop doing that. You look stupid.

Vil: ...

Epel, Rook, Riddle, and Leona: ...

Grandma MC: *20 years old* *looks like a forest fairy* *a snake around her arm and shoulder*

Grandma MC: You're being adorable today, Eve. Have you caused another mischief?

Eve: *slithers down to her hand*

Grandma MC: *sweet chuckles* Oh you don't say.

Grandma MC's husband: *boyfriend at the time* *appears; holding a cobra* *crying*

Grandma MC's husband: He doesn't want to get off me...

Grandma MC: *chuckles* Come here. Where have you found this new friend?

Grandma MC's husband: He's Eve's boyfriend huhu...

Vil: ...

Vil: Rook.

Rook: Oui.

Epel: Huh?

Riddle: It seems they have set themselves a standard.

Epel: Huh? What standard?

Leona, Malleus, and Idia: ...

Grandma MC: *in her motherhood* *singing a lullaby to her children*

*her children sleeping soundly*

Idia: *yawns*

Malleus and Leona: *looking at him*

Idia: ...

Idia: What?

Malleus: Is Granny's lullaby working on you?

Idia: Can't help it. Her voice is quite soothing.

Grim: Why are you all sleeping in our dorm?!

Grandma MC: Oh, it seems we need more blankets. Grim, would you mind getting some from the drawer?

Grim: Just tell these dudes to go!

The boys: Good night, Granny!

Grandma MC: *chuckles* Good night, my children.

Grim: WHERE ARE WE GOING TO SLEEP?!!

Leona: You sleep outside. Granny can sleep with us.

Grim: Mryah!

Ace, Epel, Deuce, and Jack: *laughing*

[sagesolsticewrites]

Lonely But I'm Good - A Vika Interlude

Had a not-great mental health moment recently, decided to project it all onto one of my OC's and... this was the result. Fondly referred to as "Vika lore" by my dear @winniemaywebber 🫶

hi @winniemaywebber @blakelysco-pilot

tw for depression, self isolation.

It had been nearly a month since she’d last properly spoken to her friends when the thoughts began to pop up in the back of her mind.

Vika was no stranger to these thoughts— they’d cropped up in the time she and Jules had first drifted apart, when she’d had only her family for companionship for a while. They had finally waned — ironically— during the war, when she and Jules had reconnected and her circle of friends had grown more than she’d dared to imagine.

But it seemed that time spent alone had allowed them to rear their ugly heads once more.

What if they’ve decided they’re better off without you? What if they’re all together right now, not giving you a single thought? What if they’ve forgotten about you? What if, what if, what if…

Logically, Vika knew, these thoughts were nonsense. There were perfectly reasonable explanations for why their little group had gone quiet for the moment.

Juliet was busy turning her new house into a home with John, and on top of that the new school year had started.

Olive was happily starting a life with Dougie out in Michigan.

Val and Ev, Rosie and Jo… all of them were in newlywed bliss, Jean and Croz had their hands full with Little Croz, and Benny…

Her heart squeezed the tiniest bit, but she did her best to ignore it.

Benny had found a job— she was ecstatic for him—  and had his hands full with his new responsibilities.

They’re all perfectly happy without you, that awful voice in the back of her mind hissed, see?

She exhaled slowly, staring determinedly down at the ledger in front of her. Then bit by torturous bit, her gaze shifted to the phone on the desk.

Perhaps she could call one of her friends, see if they’d like to meet for lunch or some little thing… it was the hotel’s slow season, after all…

You’d only be bothering them, the cruel thoughts sparked up again, if they really want to see you, they’ll call you themselves when they have the time.

Vika screwed her eyes shut, trying to find fault in the cold logic, but—

Well.

They had a point.

They were all busy, she let the cool flow of reason persuade her, it would be rude to butt in on their various honeymoons and domestic affairs and jobs.

She would wait for them to contact her first.

And as she waited, the cruel thoughts grew louder.

It was gradual. An occasional sharp reminder to wait whenever her thoughts drifted to setting up an outing with her friends. A periodic fantasy about how happy her friends surely were at the moment, and how unwelcome her interruption would be. A sporadic imagining of all of them finding time to spend together, while she sat at the front desk, or at the dinner table with her parents, or— increasingly more frequently— alone in her room.

Because she was the outsider, wasn’t she?

She knew that wasn’t true, she knew. She knew her friends cherished her place in their little group, knew that on the rare occasions she wasn’t able to join them in the early days of their friendship she could at the very least anticipate a phone call filling her in on all she’d missed, how much they wished she’d been there and what she’d have to look forward to next time she joined them.

But that little part of her that knew was growing smaller and smaller, overtaken by the dark cloud growing in her mind— the one that, when her friends finally had clear schedules again, convinced her to make excuses as to why she couldn’t come, lying that she’d see them at their next little outing, all the while a shadow purring in her ear that yes, this was for the best, they wouldn’t have her dragging them down, they won’t even notice she’s missing.

Eventually their phone calls went unanswered entirely, letting them be picked up by her parents, who gave well-meaning excuses about Vika being busy with the hotel, or needed at home, or simply tired from a busy day.

She was tired. It wasn’t a lie.

It just wasn’t exactly from busy days at the hotel.

It wasn’t not her work, but lately it was less caused by the strain of logging which rooms were reserved for an upcoming weekend and which were available, lugging what felt like tons of linens back and forth from the rooms to the laundry and back, making sure every inch of the building that was her family’s livelihood was spotless… 

And more due to the weight of the cruel thoughts spinning in her head. She didn’t have the strength to fight them off with the logic and reassurance of her friendships, especially when that reassurance was fading faster by the day with each unanswered call, each outing she skipped out on.

The calls would stop eventually, she reassured herself— or was it the shadows reassuring her? It was getting harder to tell.

They’d soon realize they could stop pretending to want her as part of their little group, she’d be alone with her family and the hotel to care for, and everything would go back to the way it was.

Pressure built behind her eyes at the thought, but she clung to the cold, cruel logic that lived in the shadows of her mind.

They didn’t need her. She didn’t fit in their group. She would always be the odd one out— the one that wasn’t allowed into the fancy clubs they wanted to visit, the one that was stared at, the one dark spot amid their bright complexions. It was better that she cut herself off, slowly drift away from them on her own rather than deal with them pushing her away bit by bit.

It had been several weeks of carefully cutting herself off before Juliet showed up at the hotel.

Vika blinked, stunned into silence at her dearest friend rushing into the empty lobby, worry etched all over her face.

For one horrible moment, Vika thought something was wrong with Jules, with John, with one of their friends—

Juliet’s expression relaxed the tiniest bit as her green gaze settled on Vika, thought not by much.

“Jules,” Vika stammered, “What are you—?”

“Are you alright?” Her friend demanded, marching up to the front desk. Her frown deepened as she took in the dull brown of Vika’s eyes, the bags underneath them that makeup did little to hide, the downward turn of her lips. Her tone softened the slightest bit, “We’ve been worried sick.”

We?

Motion caught her eye as the rest of the girls, their respective gentlemen in tow, followed by Benny, tumbled through the front doors.

“I—” Vika couldn’t find the words to react to the scene before her, “What..? Why—”

“Vika,” her friend’s tone was almost fearful, full to the brim with worry and anxiety and love, “It’s been nearly a month and a half since any of us have seen you, I— we can hardly even get you on the phone anymore, what’s wrong?”

For all the cruel whispers and dark thoughts, that shadowy, sorrowful part of her mind hadn’t planned for this— for them to be worried about her.

“I—”

Her breath caught as she looked out at her friends— the friends she hadn’t had a proper conversation with in far too long, the friends that should want nothing to do with her— and the dam broke.

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed, tears streaming down her face, “I’m sorry, I just— I was so lonely, but I didn’t want to bother any of you when you all had better things to do, and then I don’t know what came over me but the next thing I knew I thought you’d all be better off without me, and— oh, I didn’t think you’d actually worry—”

The words left her in a rush as she felt herself almost collapse. She would have ended up crumpled on the floor had it not been for the girls swooping in to hold her up, stricken looks on their faces.

“Vika,” Juliet said carefully, eyes shining with tears of her own as the girls guided her to a cushy loveseat nearby, settling in next to her, “I— ‘better things to do’? You didn’t think we’d worry?”

Vika sniffled, trying to stem the flow of tears as she did her best to catch her breath, focusing on the girls squeezing her hands, pressing in next to her, the warm hands on her back, the soft words of comfort they were murmuring.

“I was lonely,” she said again, quieter this time. “And sometimes I get… I don’t know how to describe other than this shadowy cloud of sadness closing in around me. It’s… it’s mean, and it takes my meanest, saddest thoughts and makes them louder, until they’re all I can hear, until—”

She squeezed her eyes shut, taking a slow breath in and out as she gathered her thoughts.

“I wanted to give you all space while you were on your honeymoons and setting up your homes and starting new jobs and all that,” she said eventually, “But that cloud rolled in, and…”

She sighed. It sounded so silly when she said it now.

“I was convinced I’d be bothering you if I called. I convinced myself that if you all wanted to see me, you’d contact me, and then when you did, I had that cloud whispering in my ear that it was out of pity, that you didn’t really want to see me, and eventually… that it would be best if I drifted away from you all entirely.”

“Oh, Vika.”

There was a heartbreaking silence, and then she was enveloped on all sides by warmth.

“Never, I promise—”

“You can call us anytime, I thought you knew—”

“Please, please, never think that again—”

“If there’s ever a time we don’t hear from you for a while,” Jules said, her voice muffled from where her face was pressed into Vika’s hair, her arms like a vice around her friend, “I’m marching in here and dragging you out with me, I swear it.”

Vika let out a watery laugh, still not quite believing the amount of sheer love radiating from the girls around her.

“And we’ll be right behind her,” Val spoke up, eyes blazing, tears threatening to spill over.

“Would it help if we had a scheduled outing? Or even a phone call?” Olive suggested, brushing away the tears on her cheeks, “I know our get-togethers have been a bit on the fly lately, but I know I’d love having a weekly or even monthly phone call to look forward to with each of you. That way even if our schedules won’t allow a proper get together, we can still have a chance to catch up.”

“That sounds very nice,” Vika sniffled, doing her best to remember how to smile properly.

“That’s a wonderful idea, Olive,” Jean smiled, her voice warm.

“I can see the boys getting fussy about the phone bill, so monthly would probably be best,” Jo chimed in, giving Vika a squeeze.

“We can work out the details later,” Jules said, “What matters is—” she pulled back, making sure to meet her friend’s eyes— “We’re going to make sure you never feel that kind of lonely again.” 

Her gaze softened, guilt flashing in her eyes, “And I’m so, so sorry you ever felt that way in the first place, Vika.”

Unable to find the words to soothe her friend, Vika used what little reach she had— with the rest of the girls’ arms still wrapped tight around her— to pull Juliet into a fierce hug.

“I love you girls,” Vika said tremblingly, hoping that all she couldn’t say was understood in her voice.

“We love you, too, honey.”

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Going back to our roots here what’s your brutally honest opinion about lucaya and joshaya if you’re up for some throwbacks

this message physically aged me 45 years 😭

lucaya- like, it was obviously planned from the beginning, but here's the thing: their dynamic was tired as hell. you see it in every piece of media ever. they were BORING. also I just genuinely almost never liked lucas lmfao. there were a handful of lines throughout 3 seasons that got a laugh out of me- and it was always when he was playing the idiot or confused part, if they had just let him be the wannabe eric of the show it could have been amazing. as for maya, I definitely wasn't as attached to her as I was riley, she just kinda got on my nerves a bit, but Dear God Did She Deserve Better. the triangle was drawn out WAY too long. by the end of it both girls should have left lucas in the dust. we see the 'official' triangle plotline start on new years eve, and end in late september/early october. in no world should it have taken him that long, ESPECIALLY when he knew what a strain it was putting on the girls relationship. if he really cared he would have stepped back, like, literally, it is very very possible to have feelings for someone and not date them, oh my God. farkle had the girls fighting over him ONE time and was like 'hey no I love you guys too much to see you upset'. lucas friar you will always be hated<3

joshaya- I need to get this out of the way because I saw it so much: maya was not trying to date josh when she snuck into the college party. the college girls were not telling josh to date maya. one of josh's friends hits on maya and riley and maya said We Are In Eighth Grade. she's not delusional. the whole episode was how she wanted josh to stop ignoring her. there's subtext ladies!!! cory and topanga were practically raising maya since she was 5. even if it's not addressed too well on screen, you have to be aware that maya and josh have known each other practically their whole lives. considering how close josh is with cory, riley, and auggie, that tells us he saw the family on a regular basis growing up (he literally left his parents and took a train at like 4 in the morning just so cory could open his college letter with him). so josh and maya were likely good friends as children! what we see with his introduction to the show is he starts treating her more as a kid, as his niece's friend, and thinks her feelings are silly and she says No. I need you to take me seriously here. I don't want our friendship to change just because you're in college now. my feelings are not stupid and I want you to respect me. (also. side note. they never said josh's age in the show right?? because for him to start college when he did would make him older than he should have been based on the boy meets world timeline...like, I was kinda working under the assumption he skipped a grade or two in high school but everyone else was like Known Grown Man And Pedophile Josh Matthews Asked A Toddler To Go To The Movies As Friends lmfao). anyway. she asks him to respect her and he does!!! genuine shock and awe! lucas friar found dead in a ditch! lmao. their vague 'let's see how we feel in a few years' talk reminded me a lot of the cory/topanga yearbook quote scene, and they had great chemistry! it didn't feel like something I've seen a thousand times before. it's not like they promised to swear off dating and wait for her 18th birthday, she was basically dating zay by the end of the show. they just said 'we've known each other for a while, there's definitely something between us but this isn't the right time for us to explore it, so let's be friends like we used to' (see: what lucas should have done during the triangle). josh had a tiny bit of an edge to him, but with the dorky matthews heart, which tbh was exactly what maya wanted. I loved how maya acted around josh, it lead to some of her funniest and most open moments in the show. I loved how gentle josh was with her even when she was being annoying. I love a good childhood crush to actual lovers story! sue me! lmao I think if the show had gotten as many seasons as boy meets world they really could have been something special

[the-al-chemist]

The Smallest Victory

A/N: today was Artemis’ 50th birthday, and to celebrate I decided to publish the story of her 27th birthday, and someone else’s birth. It also fits the theme of @hp-12monthsofmagic: Victory! Hope you enjoy. Warnings: mentions of childbirth and war.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more bored in my life.”

Charlie looked up from the copy of Which Broomstick? that he was currently thumbing through and regarded Artemis from the corner of his eye.

“You could still go out,” he said. “Chiara or Penny might still be free.”

“Penny won’t be able to get a babysitter at this short notice, and Chiara’s working here tonight. She might even be with Fleur,” Artemis exhaled heavily, blowing a stray strand of hair away from her face. “No. I’ll stay here. I should stay here. I just didn’t think there’d be this much waiting, that’s all. Do you reckon it’ll be much longer?”

“I dunno, Artie. I’ve never had a baby before. I don’t know how long it takes.”

“Ages, apparently.”

Artemis let out another huff of air, and slumped against the back of her seat with her arms crossed, one foot tapping impatiently. Charlie closed his magazine.

“I’m sorry,” he told her.

“Why? You’re not the one having a baby.”

“I know, but this wasn’t how you wanted to spend your birthday.”

That was true. Artemis had intended to spend her birthday at Bill and Fleur Weasley’s cottage in Cornwall, with sand and sea and a crackling bonfire. Unfortunately, her best laid plans had been scuppered earlier that evening by the arrival of a lion-shape Patronus, which had spoken with Bill’s voice and informed her that his wife had gone into labour, and that the pair of them were about to go to the hospital. Both she and Charlie had also gone straight to St Mungo’s hospital, where they had taken seats in the waiting room and waited. And waited. And were still waiting, even now.

“It’s fine, Charlie,” she said. “I mean, I’ve had worse birthdays.”

Another truth, albeit an unpleasant one. The previous two years, her birthday had been overshadowed by the battle that had taken so many lives, including those of her friend Tonks and Bill and Charlie’s younger brother Fred. The battle had broken out in the evening of her twenty-fifth birthday, and her twenty-sixth then became the first anniversary of the event.

This year, though she would turn twenty-seven on the eve of the victory and memorial, the fact seemed to linger less heavily on her mind now that yet another year had passed. Still, at her words, Charlie’s jaw tensed slightly. Artemis shook her head and unfolded her arms, guilty that she had accidentally caused harm.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t…”

Before Artemis could continue further, the doors of the waiting room swung open, revealing a middle-aged couple, a tall wizard with glasses and a plump witch in a knitted poncho, both with red hair; Bill and Charlie’s parents. Behind them trailed a much younger witch with a face almost as freckled as Charlie’s and her hair - also red - pulled up into a messy bun: their youngest child and Charlie’s only sister, Ginny.

“Oh, you’re here already,��� said Charlie’s mother, her cheeks flushed pink with excitement. “Any news?”

“None yet.”

“Oh, well. These things can take time.”

“Don’t we know it,” Artemis muttered. Mrs Weasley turned to her, beaming.

“And happy birthday, Artemis, dear,” she said. She removed her bag from her shoulder and pulled out a box of small triangular sandwiches. “Your present is at home, but I thought there was no point in the party food going to waste. Unless you had dinner before you came here?”

Artemis took the box of sandwiches from Mrs Weasley’s hands and wrenched it open. “No, I’m starving. Thanks.”

“Neither of us had time to eat anything,” Charlie explained, also helping himself to a sandwich. “We both came straight here after Bill sent his Patronus.”

“Really? But that was almost three hours ago!” Mrs Weasley shook her head. “I don’t know why you rushed. The baby was unlikely to arrive before now.”

“But it should come soon now that you’re here, right?”

“Maybe. Could be in the next half an hour-”

“Thank Godric,” said Artemis.

“- or it might be another three hours.”

“What?”

“Or longer, who knows?” Apparently oblivious to the look on Artemis’ face, Mrs Weasley clapped her hands together. “Oh, it’s so exciting, isn’t it? Now, where did they take Bill and Fleur? We should make sure they have eaten something, the food here is terrible, after all.”

Once she had been told where to go, Mrs Weasley and her set off to deliver refeshments - presumably more sandwiches - to their eldest son and his wife. Ginny Weasley remained in the waiting room, flumping herself down in the chair on the other side of Charlie, who had returned his attention to his magazine. Ginny leaned forward to talk across him.

“Do you think she’s done it on purpose?” she asked Artemis, who frowned.

“What? Who?”

“Fleur, obviously,” Ginny shrugged and raised her eyebrows. “I mean the baby wasn’t meant to be here for another two weeks, and now it’s coming on your birthday, when she was supposed to be having everyone over.”

“So, you think she’s having a baby to get out of having people over for dinner?” Artemis asked. Beside her, Charlie gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head, still looking determinedly at his open magazine.

“Maybe,” said Ginny. “And it’s just the sort of thing she’d do, isn’t it? Steal your thunder by having a baby on your birthday.”

“No, she wouldn’t… She… I mean, could she?”

Artemis directed her question at Charlie, who did not even lift his head to look at her as he answered:

“I really don’t think that’s how it works.”

Ginny clearly thought otherwise, for she mouthed ‘I bet she did’ at Artemis before leaning back in her seat so that she was out of sight. As Mr and Mrs Weasley returned from seeing Bill and Fleur, Artemis returned to her sandwiches. She was still bored, but now that she was being fed, she at least felt less annoyed.

But, as eight o’clock became nine, and nine became ten, then eleven, both the sandwiches and Artemis’ patience dwindled. Beside her, Charlie had managed to drift off into a slumber, but she was only growing increasingly restless. After her fidgeting reached the point that it had roused Charlie from his sleep, the two of them decided to find some sort of entertainment, and roamed the hospital corridors in search of somewhere where they might do just that.

When they returned to the waiting room, they found it completely and eerily empty, void of any people or noise. The flickering light of a candelabra on the wall was the only movement to be seen.

“Where did everyone go?”

Before Artemis’ question could be answered - or indeed, in answer to her question - Bill appeared from the direction of the wards. His face was pale and tired looking, but his eyes were bright and his smile was broad. He strode straight across the waiting room towards them and pulled each of them into a hug.

“There you are! Where did you go?” He did not even wait for them to reply before continuing, “Never mind, you’re here now. And so is she. The baby.”

“That’s great, mate,” said Charlie, hugging his brother again. “Is Fleur alright? Is she-”

“Fleur’s fine, so is the baby, she’s… She’s perfect. Come and see.”

Bill beckoned them through to the wards, where the entire Weasley family, Fleur’s parents and sister, and Artemis’ Healer friend Chiara were gathered around a hospital bed. Lying in the bed was an exhausted looking but still irritatingly beautiful Fleur, a small bundle of cloth in her arms. Bill sat on the bed and took the bundle from her, and everyone leaned in to see the pink, wrinkly, and slightly crusty baby inside.

“We haven’t decided on a name yet,” Bill said, his voice gentler than Artemis had ever heard it before. “We thought we still had a couple of weeks left to make up our minds, but this little one had other ideas.” He looked up at Artemis. “Sorry about your birthday.”

“If it’s any consolation, I enjoyed it less than you did,” muttered Fleur wryly, a comment that was met with a few quiet chuckles.

“And what better gift is there than the gift of life?”

“I dunno, Molly,” Artemis shrugged at Bill’s mother. “I asked for a new camera.”

There was another round of soft chuckles, but Bill merely shook his head.

“Well, you’ll have to make do with a goddaughter instead,” he told Artemis, whose jaw dropped open.

“Goddaughter? Really?”

“Yeah. Sure,” Bill shared a glance with his wife. “Why not?”

Artemis turned to Charlie. “You owe me a Sickle.”

“No, he doesn’t. You’re both godparents.”

“That’s fine, I don’t mind sharing,” said Artemis, as much to Charlie as to their goddaughter’s parents. “I’m going to have to get used to sharing my birthday anyway.”

“Actually,” Chiara looked up from the clipboard she held in her hands, “she was born just after midnight, so her birthday is the second of May, not the first.”

The clock on the wall confirmed Chiara’s words. It was past midnight. It was exactly two years after the battle that had ended the war. The entire family was still, silent, and solemn.

“I don’t know about the rest of you, but I think it’s rather lovely,” Chiara said softly. “The idea that this day will be one of happiness in the future, rather than one filled with bad memories. It’s a small victory, but…”

“It is a victory, just the same.” Bill’s father nodded slowly. “Perhaps you should name her something to reflect that?”

“You could call her Joy!”

“That’s so old-fashioned, Mum,” said Ginny, with a noise of derision. “How about Hope?”

“Or Victoria?”

“Well,” Bill looked from his wife to his in-laws and back, “we were hoping for something French…”

“Victoire.”

“Sorry?”

“Victoire,” Fleur repeated. “It is the French for Victoria. It means victory.”

“It’s pretty,” her husband said. He looked down at the baby in his arms. “It suits her, don’t you think?”

“I do, yes.”

“Then that’s settled,” said Mr Weasley. He pointed his wand at a carton of pumpkin juice on the nightstand, which turned into a large bottle of champagne. Chiara frowned.

“Um, you can’t actually drink alcohol in here,” she said, but her voice tailed off as Mr Weasley continued to conjure fluted glasses from thin air. She sighed. “Oh, never mind.”

Once the glasses had been distributed, Mr Weasley raised his in a toast.

“To our own very small victory.”

“To the smallest of victories,” his son George chipped in, smiling at his tiny niece. Mr Weasley inclined his head.

“To Victoire.”

One by one, the others raised their glasses.

“To Victoire.”

[catwouthats]

Do you know how I can watch stuff that’s usually on Disney plus in a way that doesn’t give them money?

Yes!

I have four answers for that!

1) Your local library

I know that not everyone is comfortable with pirating. The good news is that, nowadays, some libraries will let you borrow streaming services! I’d ask your library if they have something like that available (it’s usually a firestick) and if not, ask if any other libraries connected to your main one have it.

Also, even if they don’t have the streaming service, usually they have some sort of way to rent out movies or shows (weather online or in person)

And my dear college and information yearning friends, libraries have many databases and textbooks you can use for free!

2) A friend

Sometimes, someone else is already paying for it. Maybe a friend’s sibling or parent is paying for their whole family. Or maybe that person is paying themselves (Of course you wish they wouldn’t give money to them, but sometimes no amount of talking will stop them unfortunately). You could ask a friend, online or not, to share their account/family account with you!

3) Watch parties

A group of people coming together to save money/boycott shitty things. What’s better than that?

Online: Sometimes people will sharing their watching experience online. Usually on discord, tiktok, or instagram. You can join, you just of course have to find the accounts/servers that host these watch parties. I’d ask around on Reddit in order to find servers to join that do movie nights.

In real life: Also, you could get a group of friends/a club together to watch something on someone’s TV or some shit (some people even have those phone projector things so it actually feels like the theater). This is especially a good option if you’ve tried everything else and don’t want to personally resort to piracy… but might have a friend who’d do that for you…

You can find clubs at libraries, schools, colleges, and even retirement homes btw.

4) Pirating (of course)

To some people this might seem scary (because it runs the risk of viruses and and such), meanwhile, others might not even know how to pirate.

Here is how to pirate and precautions you should take when doing so:

Try to have an ad blocker (you don’t have to, it’s just an extra layer of protection. You probably should have one though)

You can use your phone instead of a computer, just know that it WILL fuck your phone up a little (personally I use my phone bc my computer is much more prone to viruses and information leaks. Ive been doing this for years and my phone’s fine… unless my storage gets near full/I have too many tabs open.)

Some internet providers may block you from using pirate websites on Google or Safari. I use Yandex as a search engine to get around this. With Yandex all I have to do is search “[movie name] watch now” and it will instantly come up for free.

Usually you can look up common pirate/free sites online and you’ll get some okay sites. Personally I use moviesjoy.is for live action movies/shows, readcomiconline.li for comics, and wcostream.tv for anime/cartoons.

Always ALWAYS X out the pop up tabs and close out things that say “you need to download this first” YOU DO NOT NEED TO DOWNLOAD ANYTHING FIRST (usually. Some websites do have downloadable versions… personally I don’t use those bc it risks viruses.)

Sometimes X ing out doesn’t work. you will have to reload the page or wait like 5-10 seconds for the X (or for “close”) to appear. It can appear in any corner of the screen. Sometimes even the middle of the screen. Like middle center or some shit.

It could take you between 1-10 tabs/pop ups to close before you’re actually able to access the shit. Especially if you don’t have an ad blocker. Be patient.

Going incognito mood would help keep your info safe… but personally I find it doesn’t make a difference. Doesn’t hurt to be extra careful though.

Also, would not recommend looking at questionable things on pirate sites on a library computer/property. Even if you clear history, the library knows. (They didn’t gaf that I used readcomiconline to read some comics on their firebook thingy. It’s just… know that they know.)

[sunbeamstress]

hrt diary stuff (10-30-23)

cw: personal touchy feely sex-ed style explicit stuff

alright, dolls, we're approaching month seven and the HRT is really starting to hit different. i haven't really kept a chronicle of my """""journey""""" (the irony-poisoned xillennial in me screams), and if i don't write something i'm just gonna end up as a baldur's gate/armored core reblogger so i think i'm gonna start doing that! but first, i need to catch you up

off the cuff: i'm in the latter half of my thirties. i go by "B" right now since i can't settle on a name, but right now i have the names "Cherry" and "D'arcy" and i'm trying to see if they can be put together somehow. i'd love to write the story, one day, of what made me start doing all of this in the first place, but for now we can just say that denial is one hell of a drug.

i live a privileged life - i'm white, reasonably educated, i have a job title with the word 'engineer' in it. i grew up incredibly poor, but in today's times i have had the rare luxury of being able to transition from a place of social and financial comfort. my parents do not have control over me and my workplace is supportive. i'm very lucky, and i'm having a much easier transition than most women will ever get. i try never to forget this, and try to let it keep me humble.

on new year's eve of 2022, i made the new years resolution to "destroy myself," and on april 15, 2023, i began doing exactly that. FOLX, my provider, suggested that the best way for me to destroy myself was with 4mg of Estradiol, taken orally every morning (i take 6mg now). i don't recommend FOLX, but if you live in the southern US they might be your only decent choice.

anyway, it basically goes like this:

----

super early (almost immediately): the Feelings

dosage: 4mg (first, one pill in the morning and one in the evening - later, two pills in the morning (no real difference!))

this part was near and dear to me. i think back to when i lost my brother - in the middle of the grief i felt, i observed that i was experiencing a depth of sadness that was very new for me, a sort of uncharted emotional frontier if you will. to put it simply, i just really never felt THAT sad before. it reminded me of how my mother would say that when you over-ate, it would expand your stomach. in its new size, you'd want more food and you'd feel hungrier than you normally would.

this 'expanded' state is how i live now, 24/7. my friends are darling and very supportive and they've had a wealth of viewpoints as to how our emotional expression is rooted so deeply in our perception of gender, and for what it's worth i think they're right, but i have one experience most of them don't: i'm AMAB. occasionally their support would leave me feeling a little shut out, as if they were unintentionally discounting a very real chemical change that has opened previously shut doors in my brain. it isn't their fault. i just don't think anyone realizes what a poison testosterone can be

it isn't simply that i'm allowing myself to feel more. it doesn't feel like a psychosocial phenomenon. i actually feel more. it's stronger and rawer and so much closer to home. picture your sense of touch being amplified, so that you can't stroke a bedsheet or touch your hair without your nerve endings blasting dense packets of sensory information to your brain and back, seemingly out of proportion with what actually happened. i want you to imagine this happening with your emotions, instead. happiness has so many more shades; anger is so many-layered and so very complicated, very specific. i can be affected by faint, hazy motes of love and lust and loneliness that each demand careful consideration, and that touch very specific parts of my spirit. the spectrum of emotion is such a dense and noisy neighborhood and there are ever so many avenues

i don't feel like i'm letting down my defenses... rather, i feel like a longtime smoker who has just quit, and is now realizing just how flavorful all of her food is.

second puberty kicks in during the later stages of this. i couldn't imagine trying to work a customer service role at this point. you're going to freak out, girlie. if you have the luxury of working a job where you don't need to see anybody, put on some music, keep your head down, and just get through it. if not, i'm so sorry. do the best you can, love, and don't forget to forgive yourself

nothing else super exciting to report. the natural oils of my skin and hair started to change and i began feeling "cleaner" if that makes sense. the biggest physical change here was just how often i smiled.

----

mid stage (3-6 months): the Softness

before my next estradiol refill, i got bumped up from 4mg to 6mg, taken orally - i had some serious issues trusting FOLX so for the first month, i continued only to take 4mg and banked the third pill. i'm taking all 6mg every day now. i'm going to check in with my doctor but if i understand the research, i may have balanced myself enough that i can get away with monotherapy - only taking estrogen, as my T levels are so low that my body could very well shut down testosterone production all on its own.

this part absolutely fucking ruled, and it's pretty neat to know that it basically lasts forever. it's one thing to touch your forearms and wonder if you're getting softer; it's a very different and altogether more enormous thing to realize that you are indeed getting softer. my skin was changing, actually changing!

there is something unutterably beautiful about the naturally-defined order of dance steps that your body will effortlessly follow, under the influence of hormones. not to be a hopeless nerd, but it has the same carefully thought-out, human vibe as a well-made game tutorial or a meticulously planned dinner. first it coaxes open the little latch in your brain that lets you feel and dream and sob and love in 4K, and then once you've had a little experience and gotten the hang of it, it does the same trick with your nerve endings and says "alright doll, go touch the world back."

my roommates thought i was a pervert because i'd keep gasping at touch. i was wholly unprepared for the texture of the couch or for the feeling of my own hair after it'd been freshly blow-dried. i remember one day i woke up and the hardwood floor was tickling my feet so much, i was trying not to whimper. it was so fucking much

in the previous stage, it was hard to avoid the sense that my emotions had scarred over, and that the HRT had sanded away the edges until i was left with vulnerable, exposed organic surfaces

in this stage, i felt like i finally had some kind of proper cover, some interface, some missing and necessary part to put over those surfaces. i was a machine being slowly but surely finished. now, my body matches my mind - it feels the way i do. it is no longer a protective layer through which i touch the world, but is instead substanced by it; made of world-stuff, so that there is no difference between feeling the world and feeling myself. John Locke suggested that the doped tabula rasa of the mind is little more than an illusion, facilitated by your organs of sense - but now i am an organ of sense and the mind/body barrier has never felt more flimsy

i think i started growing breasts around month 4. naturally the dolls are fixated on this part, and i don't have anything to report that you can't find in a million other hrt blogs and similar spaces - they're gonna get sore. they're gonna feel really weird to touch. they're gonna be fuzzy and having to shave them sucks so fucking much. you're absolutely going to forget you can't just casually bump your chest against a door frame, and you're gonna have to explain to your roommate that no, you weren't being stabbed through the spinal column with a superheated ceramic knife, you only screamed that loud because your weird little cone titties were so goddamn tender!!!!

right now (6 1/2 month mark): the Urges

i noticed that from the outset, my hrt experiences aligned pretty closely with the net's wealth of anecdotes - but the longer i'm on estrogen, the more i begin to find variations, the more i start to read things like 'this may impact you later or earlier' and for me it's almost always earlier (i was kinda low on T naturally). don't freak out if this stuff isn't happening to you yet!

hrt completely trashed my sex drive. sometimes i went through the motions anyway, because i am a profoundly and unapologetically sexual person, but it was more of a learned/cultural thing, and even that stopped. my sense of touch was currently being reserved for enjoying silk and kitty ears, i had seemingly no interest in my annoying, distracting sexual characteristics!

i have a lot i could say on how sexuality has influenced my life - like a lot a lot. i can't really summarize it here but i can do the best i can: a man's sex drive is torture. doubly so if you're a man who knows he isn't one, and who has actively been living the sort of sex life that occasions unsolicited "you're like a lesbian" comments from past lovers. combine this with the tendency for men to put their self worth into their sexual prowess, and you have the perfect conditions for a confusing mess

anyway - one day, i'm sitting with my friends watching the Good Place, and there's this scene where one of the main characters is shown briefly kissing Janet, just before she transforms into somebody else.

my heart stopped.

i just suddenly couldn't breathe. when i could, i wasn't getting enough air, and i was so light-headed and so warm and i felt so silly. it feels really uncharitable to say that i thought i'd suddenly lost a few dozen IQ points, but i honestly felt like, so small and so silly and just a little stupid, and in that moment i sort of wanted to be told those things.

it kept happening: once when my roommate put her hand through my hair and told me how good i was doing with my makeup; once when the gorgeous woman who pierced my ears giggled and called me "a bleeder"; far, far more than once when i'd read saved chat logs with old flames, reread saved bits of roleplaying, and more.

i get turned on, babes! it's so fucking weird! it's not like anything i've ever experienced. just with everything new in my life, it continually shocks me with hitherto unexperienced layers of complexity: being turned on by a little touch and compliment is so much different from being outright hit on. being called "'good girl" hits way harder than being told i look "stunning." all of these come with their own new and dizzying qualia, and they all have different ways of interacting with my limbic system. this was all supposed to affect me the same! it's so complicated now!

the best thing is: i know when i'm turned on and when i'm horny. i know when i'm feeling warmth for someone and when i'm attracted. it's like my brain had been sending everything down the same tunnel, and now it realizes it's supposed to have its shit together, to propagate signals through the correct channels. i can be turned on and not want to be touched. i can feel love and genuine affection for my friends - without the queasy, guilt-inducing part where i desperately keep my sex drive down, ignoring the out-of-place and unwanted things i feel for them. i can keep myself up until 3am, driving myself insane, exploring my body, and come out of it feeling silly and tired and satisfied, without the loneliness, the sadness, the self-disgust.

my body is very, very soft - it isn't just the better skin conditions i alluded to before, but as i lose my visceral (below-the-muscle) fat, my body replaces it with subcutaneous (above-the-muscle) fat. i'm still in the very early stages of this, but it's already noticeable. i'm skinnier than i've ever been in decades, yet my chest, ass, and thighs jiggle when i walk! HRT is so fucking cool.

at this point in the adventure, if you've been keeping to a skincare routine you really should be seeing results. i'm working on developing better habits and i still struggle with motivation, but still - i try to exfoliate at least twice a week and i moisturize regularly. if ADHD allows it sometimes i'll remember to bust out the serums or the snail cream. my body hair's growing in a little slower, it comes in thinner and lighter, and my skin has this lovely translucence that i never get sick of looking at. i shine, very faintly, in the light.

----

i've never kept a diary in my life so i'm just gonna decide how it works: here we close. i just really hate how hard it is to find testimony and shared experiences. it's so fucking crazy how i can ask google to name a movie i barely remember but it is somehow useless when i want to know if my nipples are supposed to hurt at 5 months of HRT (they are).

i think that even a single trans girl finding my blog and maybe feeling a little less unsure about herself is enough for me to keep wanting to do it, though.

[accidentally-drank-paintwater]

New Years Kiss

Yeah so I made MORE Wenclair lol-

I’m a sucker for them <3 alrighty so it’s New Year’s Eve or whatever and this is right after the Battle of Nevermore. (I think bc the timeline seemed like the first few months of the school year which normally starts august/September so it’s probably roughly around there)

enjoy Ig :)

Wednesday 1st Person POV

Finally. New Years Eve without my parents. Ever loving with a perfect marriage, New Years was even worse than their normal kissing parade. But now that I was at Nevermore, I’d be spending it with my new…friends? I loath such wording. Enid, Bianca, Eugene, Yoko, Ajax, and Xavier were going to have a New Years Eve party together, which was weird, since none of them were dating. Enid and Ajax had broke up, and Enid said nothing other than “I need time to figure myself out.” Quite vague, which is unusual for ever talkative Enid. Yoko, Eugene, and Bianca had no crushes whatsoever, and I had simply rejected Xavier. He wasn’t my type.

A New Years Party with no kissing. My kind. After much pleading from Enid and Eugene (and a resentful comment of “it’d be better if you socialized for once” from Bianca) I agreed to coming. So here I was, December 31st. Enid was still sleeping (“I need rest if I’m staying up that late!”) but I was wide awake. Thing was next to me, his colorful nails — thanks to Enid — shining in the sunlight. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. What did one wear to New Years Parties?

“Maybe a Dress?” Thing signed.

“I wore a dress for that Rave’N.”

“Then wear some nice pants and a shirt,”

“what would that count as? I’m not going to wear something sparkly.” I added, pointing a finger at Thing sternly. Thing raised his hand in defense.

“Ask Enid for help!”

“I’m not asking Enid. She wears things with color.”

“Then what do you want from me?”

“I don’t know, be useful for once?”

Thing flipped me the finger. I sighed and left the bathroom, still unsure of what to wear.

“Hey roomieeee!” Enid said, running up to me, though stopping a few inches short of me. She was starting to get the hang of not hugging me, which I respected.

“Hello Enid.”

“Happy New Years Eve!”

“Yes. Happy.”

“Oh! I made this for you!” Enid rummaged in her pocket, pulling out candy and hairpins. What did she have in there? Finally, Enid pulled out two bracelets. “They’re friendship bracelets! They say ‘E + W <3’, for Enid and Wednesday!”

“Oh. Ya know, I’m not really a jewelry person—”

“Oh. That’s okay. I figured you wouldn’t wear it anyways…”

I looked at Enid and saw the slight disappointment in her face. I looked at the bracelets. While hers was bright, mine was gray and black. It even had a skull charm on it. I sighed. I grabbed the bracelet and put it on my wrist. Enid gasped with delight.

“Oh! Wednesday thank you thank you thank you thank you!!” She said, practically jumping. Such physical expression of emotion was unusual to me. I was used to the disgusting practices of gluing ones face onto another, like Mother and Father.

Thing came up behind me and bent himself low.

“Don’t worry Thing, I made one for us too!” Enid pulled out another bracelet and put it on him, and that’s when I noticed the second bracelet Enid had on that said ‘E + T’. I smiled.

“I’m sure Thing really likes his bracelet.”

“Yes, Thing,” Enid said, giggling and walking away. That laugh was light and bubbly and horridly wonderful. It was as bright as the covers of her pop music. While I hate that excuse for music, Enid’s laugh was the exception. I watched her walk away and then I went to my side of the room. I turned on my phone and called my parents.

“Oh- Gomez dear, how do you turn on the…what was it? Face showing?”

“FaceTiming my horrid temptress~”

“Oh Gomez, you awful bat~”

I sighed. “Hit the button at the top that looks like a camera.” Suddenly, my parents faces came into view.

“Oh Wednesday! How’s my evil little black cat doing?” Father said.

“Absolutely horrid.”

“As usual!” Laughed Father. Mother took the phone from Father and zoomed it out.

“I can’t believe this is our first New Years without you!”

“How time flies Mother.”

“Do you have any one special your going to kiss at midnight?”

“Why would I take part in such gross and romantic traditions?”

“Really? Not even your friend Enid?” I blushed.

“WHAT—” Enid shouted, crossing the room and coming into view of the camera. I covered my face with my hand.

“Hello Enid!” Mother Said cheerfully.

“Um- hi Mrs. Addams,”

“Morticia, please,”

“Morticia. Me and Wednesday don’t like eachother like that. We are just roommates!” I groaned under the table. Thing was on my lap and doing that stupid heart hand (🫰). I was going to murder him.

“Really? But what about that thing on Wednesday’s wrist? I’m not sure about this camera quality but it seems to say ‘E + W’ with a little heart.”

Enid fell silent. I glanced over to see she was blushing too.

“U-uh. Those— AHEM— those are just, um, friendship bracelets,” Enid stuttered. Mother just smirked and said

“Sure,”

I groaned at grabbed the phone. “Enid and me are just friends, nothing more. If you could please leave me alone now Mother.”

“Ok my little raven, we’ll go now. Your cousin Itt invited us to a get together anyways and we must get going. Be safe! Love you!”

“Yes yes, goodbye Mother,” I said hanging up. I turned off my phone and looked at Enid. Her hand was over her mouth and she was staring into a corner.

“I apologize for my mother Enid. She had no intent on making you uncomfortable.”

“W-what?” Enid said, looking at me. She started backing away and pulling at her shirt collar. “no! Haha, we’re just friends after all! Your mother was just joking, I’m sure! Um,” Enid grabbed the door on and swung it open, “I forgot I was going to go see Yolo- I MEAN YOKO- to err- give her something. Bye!” She finished, slamming the door behind her. I leaned back and covered my face.

“Uggggghhhhhh,” I cannot believe that happened. I uncovered my face to see Thing above me.

“You do Like her don’t you?” He signed. I shoved him off and got up, walking out to the balcony.

“Of course not. We’re just friends. Besides, she was freaked out by it anyways. She obviously doesn’t like me like that.”

but no matter how much I repeated that, all I could think about was the way Enid blushed. The way I blushed. How stupid.

Enid came back after 30 minutes and grabbed a couple of clothing items, and left within 5 minutes. I sat at my writing desk and didn’t acknowledge her. I was screaming internally. It was like someone turned on one of Brittany Spear’s love songs in my brain and I couldn’t turn it off. It was torture.

Around 9 PM, I finally got up and decided to get ready. Luckily, Thing had an outfit idea all ready. I had to admit it looked good. A white large collar button up with bishop sleeves and some black silk slacks. I paired them with my chunky (✨) boots. I took my braids and twisted them into a low bun in the back of my head. I looked wonderfully terrible. (Author’s note: Enid would say she looked ✨ Snazzy ✨)

I arrived at the location of the party, a teachers longer with a cable TV, so we could watch that weird Dick dude’s show where the New York hall dropped. I was greeted by Bianca first, who was dressed in a gold sequined dress.

“Wow, the edgy savior showed up. I suppose I should bow before the hero who saved my life?”

“Even that would be low for you Bianca,”

we both high fives and Bianca told me that everyone else was by the couch. I walked over and everyone was there, except Enid. Oh no. Did Mother freak her out so much she didn’t show up?

“Don’t worry, your wolf gal is here, she’s just in the bathroom,” Yoko said, sporting a striped pantsuit and heels. I didn’t say anything about how she claimed Enid was my ‘wolf gal’ (the lack of comprehensive grammar was hurtful to my ears) but I was plotting her death in my mind. I grabbed a cup of the dark red fruit punch and waited until Enid came out. When she did I nearly choked.

Enid was wearing bright gold bellbottom pants with a white tank top and a shimmering see through top. She had flowers on her pants and flower jewelry. She looked pretty good. I definitely wasn’t used to seeing her so dressed up.

After everyone had got a drink, Ajax pulled out a game called ‘Cards Against Humanity’ which was shockingly inappropriate and fun. We played through all that then played a quick round of Never Have I Ever (turns out both Bianca and Yoko had vodka before) before it was already 11:58.

We turned on the TV and sat together as the clock began counting down from a minute thirty. Enid was sitting next to me. I already knew how this would go. Xavier and Bianca would kiss as friends, Ajax and Enid would kiss, and Eugene and Yoko would take a drink of their punch. I wasn’t a fan of New Years, so I would sit and feel no difference between this year and the next. It was all another day. But as the clock reached ten, and everyone else began cheering and counting down, Enid grabbed my hand and pulled me up to stand beside her, her arm around my waist.

10. I looked at Enid.

9. time slowed.

8. I looked around

7. Xavier and Ajax were standing together,

6. Eugene, Bianca, and Yoko all had drinks

5. They had dared the boys to kiss on midnight.

4. Enid looked at me.

3. Her smile faded

2. I leaned in closer.

I closed my eyes.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Cheers all around me. Horns blowed and laughter ensued at the boys pecking. And something warm. Warm and soft. It was on my lips. I opened my eyes. And there was Enid, her lips pressed on mine. I closed my eyes and pulled Enid closer. Two mouths combined, two hearts turned into one whole. I finally understood what my parents felt. Love. Me and Enid pulled apart and looked at eachother. Enid looked at me with shock and smiled. She laughed and pressed her forehead against mine. My lips turned upwards ever so slightly.

“YA! THEY KISSED! BIANCA OWES ME $10 NOW HAHA!” Yoko shouted.

“DAMMIT YOU TWO WHY COULD’NT YOU HAVE KISSED DURING CHRISTMASTIME?” Bianca yelled.

Enid and look over to see them both. Enid laughed along but I silently gave them a glare and they stopped laughing.

“Bro your lips are chapped as hell,” Xavier said, wiping his mouth.

“Yeah right, you didn’t even kiss them, you kissed my cheek like a chicken,”

“I don’t need to feel them to see how nasty and crusty they look,”

“Shut up!”

That New Year had not turned out as I thought. But surprises come when you least expect them. I kissed Enid again to many cheers, and Enid smiled.

Authors Note: yay lesbians 👍 btw that Ajax Xavier thing wasn’t a ship I just thought it’d be funny idk. New Year’s parties are like that 🤷‍♂️ I don’t ship that but if u do that’s cool 👌

also here’s a little scene for y’all ❤️

“Yokooooooooooo” Enid burst into Yoko’s room, where Bianca was sitting.

“What’s wrong?”

“Wednesdays parents thought we were dating and I panicked and left Wednesday all alone andsheprobablyhatesmeandidontknowwhattodopleasehelpme—”

Yoko looked at Bianca and did a smug. Bianca glared with murderous intentions.

“Let’s make you look amazing for your girlfriend,”

“Thank you Yoko!”

“Your going to have to pay me back ya know”

“You can be my bridesmaid”

“YES-”

anyways happy new year! Let’s hope 2023 brings us better news! (And canon Wenclair)

[londonspirit]

No day but today...

... rather apt today. 

Just saw the German version of RENT this afternoon, and it was amazing! (Go and see if you can.) 

Never wrote my New Year’s note this late on the day. (Didn’t really feel like doing it at all today but then -as always- i just started and here we are!) 

What a fucking year! What a FUCKED up year. What a GREAT year.  As always lately, it’s been all over the place. 

2023. 

The year our mom died. The year we lost the last family member that’s not a sister. Now we’re truly on our own. It still hurts, mostly because of the holidays. You get through the loss, especially if you don’t really have time to properly grieve because you have to take care of soo many things, dissolve the place your parents (and you) lived for the past 40 years, take care of all the things that need to be done, and say goodbye to being your parent's child.

Fuck, just writing this is painful as fuck. But hey, it’s New Year’s Eve - last day of the year, reveling in all the things that happened, so tears are very much allowed.

So yeah, losing mom was just horrible but as always with me there’s a BUT. 

There were the most beautiful friends that got me through this. The most wonderful souls that helped me deal with a loss nobody should go through and yet we all have to. 

I love you all so fucking much, you have no idea!!! Thank you for being there for me. 

Seeing Robbie Williams live again was an amazing start to the year. That man's never been happier on a stage and it showed. (Which is funny, sometimes things come rather late in life!)

Seeing the usual suspects at Fed Con is always the highlight of my year! And this year even more so! 

There were six glorious summer days in London. Meeting and hugging friends, enjoying the most beautiful city, exhibitions and theatre; and seeing one of the most hilarious people who I’ve NEVER thought I’d ever see live. (Stumbling into the MI premiere on my way to the Rhys gig was just a cherry on top of a rather epic gig already!). Hearing the wonderful Elliot Page read from and talk about his book was inspiring as hell; and seeing the lovely Toheeb Jimoh giving a breathtaking Romeo just rounded up a much much needed London trip. 

Here’s hope I’ll be back very soon - it’s been too damn long again. 

Spending a much needed and way too short day on the beach with my darling sister? Fucking priceless - I didn’t even know I needed that as much as I did. We’re definitely doing that again!!! I’ve forgotten how fucking healing the ocean is. 

Speaking of ocean: MORE PIRATES!!! Yes, of course there’s them, to help and heal some more, giving me back all the SQUEE and FEELS that can make the shitty things just a tad better!!! Here’s to an announcement for  Season 3 VERY SOON!!! We (read: the world) NEEDS more queer pirates to brighten our dark days!!! There's NOTHING BETTER to keep one's spirit high!

And another thing I NEVER thought may happen, just fucking happened. Going to Amsterdam with a dear friend for a gig (and some dutch culture) and then just hanging about for shits and giggles because we didn’t have anything else planned for the night. And then actually MEET the loveliest Noah Reid, TALKING to him, thanking him for coming over and getting pics with him? Yeah well, nothing I had on my 2023 bingo card. 

But then again, NOTHING that happened this year was on there so yeah… 

Losing our beloved family cat also hit very hard but he was old and ill. And he had a very loving home despite having to move so there’s that. I still miss the pitter patter of his paws and his enraged meow’s at 5 in the morning. (Yes, there will be a new one - soon. I just want to renovate first!) 

But it’s also the small things that made this year not entirely horrible. 

Random greeting cards, texts and calls from dearest friends to cheer me up. You guys don't even know how much i love you all! I hope I can repay you ALL this coming year because you fucking deserve the freaking world!!!

Spending time with my sister and forgetting the world for one glorious sun-filled, salt-tasting afternoon in the sea. 

Chats and zooms with beloved friends, giggling about silly things and trying to keep each other going through the hard times but also the good. 

Looking back at 2023 with about an hour to go, at home, calm and cozy in bed, waiting for midnight (slightly tipsy because WINE!), is something new for me. Usually we’ve been to the parents for Christmas and New Year’s.  Now we have to come up with something new, something for US, and we will. Next year. For now I can’t wait to see the backend of 2023. 

I have high hopes for 2024. 

Seeing more friends, the ones I haven’t seen in a while, and the ones I see on a regular basis. Because there’s nothing more important than the people around you, keeping you going, holding you when shit goes down and cheering you on when good things happen. 

Traveling more, without the worries which will be a change.

Maybe…finally going to see the Bestie on HER home turf (haven’t told her that one yet, but that’s a thing I want to do!).  

So… 

That’s the annual look-back. Tears were shed writing this, but there were also smiles. Because in the end the only things that matter are the memories we make - good AND bad. 

Again: No Day But Today. 

Hug your loved ones, tell them you love them. Make amends if you need to. End things that needs to be ended. Live your life to the fullest because we all only have this one life.

Make it count, people. Make it fucking count!!! 

Happy New Year. May 2024 be a fantastic one! May it be peaceful and happy, with all the wonderful things still to come!!! 

[fuckstories]

The Pharaoh's Curse And The Genie's Blessing (RAP)

Now Shhhhh!

Lurk And Be Quiet As I Sing You A Song!!!

Let's Begin By Taking A Moment To Pray

To God Above, Our God, That We May Be Given His Peace In These Troubled Times

We Must Pause And Let This Wonderful Message Wash Over Us As We Remember That

There Are Some Things Worse Than A Plague!!!

Like A Rapper With No Talent!!!

That Is Something A Bitch Shouldn't Even Think About!

Oh Yea I'm Bitter!!!

But Let's Not Focus On Me!!!

Let's Talk About The Pharaoh's Curse!!!

The Pharaoh's Curse Came Upon Egypt In The Year 1303

And Killed Almost All The People Who Ever Lived There!

Including Those With "Z" Names

Except For Those People With "Z" Names Who Were Dead Already!!!

Well Folks I Told Y'all It Was Bad!!!

I Didn't Say It Was Good!!!

As If The Pharaoh's Curse Wasn't Enough, Then There Was A New Scarcity That Turned Out To Be A Blessing!

A New Scarcity Of Oranges!!!

In The Year 1303

An Old Man Was Working On An Orange Tree

When He Sucked In His Breath At A Buzzing Sound

That Caused Him To Sneeze So Hard That The Whole Orange Tree Swung Right Over Him And Hit One Of The Peers In The Face!!!

It Turned Out To Be The Greatest Scarcity Ever!!!

The Man With The Best Sneeze Went On To Have A Long and Successful Career

He Started Out By Selling Oranges in New York

Then He Had The Idea To Make Jellies!!!

And So He Did!!!

I Want You To Try And Picture All This In Your Head

Please Pay Attention Now!

Here's How It Is Gonna Work!!!

A Few Minutes From Now We Will Turn Off The Light!!!

And Put Some Cotton Balls Over Our Mouths!!!

Before We Begin We're Gonna Read Out Loud

An Amazing Tale That Will Rock You Like Nothing Before!

The Story About The Pharaoh, Who Got Turned To Stone And The Genie Who Showed Him The Way Out Of It!!!

Let Us Pray Again To God Above To Bless Us And Keep Us Safe As We Remember That

There Are Some Things Worse Than A Plague!!!!

Like A Rapper With A Terrible Voice!!!

Ya Heard Me Right!!!

So Listen Up People, All Is Calm... Now Begin!!!

Here It Is!! The Pharaoh's Curse!!!

My Dear Brothers and Sisters, Listen Carefully

While I Sing You A Story, I Will Never Forget What I Saw

What I Saw During the Time I Was In The Underworld

There Once Was a Pharaoh Whose Name I Can't Even Say Out Loud

Who Died In The Year 1303 And Left His Empire to Go Down There With the Other Dead Bodies!!!

I Did Too!!!

But First I'll Tell You The Part Where I Went Down Under, Which Is Called Hell!!!!

My Journey To Hades Started On Christmas Eve Day, The Same Day My Dad Was Turned into a Spider.

I Went to Church But Not Because I Believe in God

But Because I Love Going to Church.

I Think It Would Be Wonderful If We All Went to Church!!!

Because It's Always Nice To Sit Down With Everyone

But Back To The Pharaoh...

When We Got There

I Saw Many, MANY Other People

Lined Up In A Giant Circle

That Had to Go on Without Their Friends And Family

All Because They Killed Someone

Who Had A Name That Had A Z in It!

To Be More Specific They Killed Them With "Z" Names!!!!!

This Is A Long Story

But Let Me Stop Here and Bring The Pharaoh Into the Story!!!

I Got In Line Behind a Group of Girls Named Stephanie, Alexus, and Azalea

They Were Very Loud Because They Weren't All That Intelligent.

One of the Girls Screamed, "It's OK To Get Angry With God!"

Another Said, "I Am SO Angry!!!!"

And Another One Said, "I Hate That My Parents Named Me 'Alexus'!!!!"

Then Another Girl Screamed, "But I Don't Know What To Call My Daughter When She Gets Older!!!!"

I Thought About Saying That to the Girl With "Z" Names but I Wasn't Ready Yet to Be Annoying So Instead

I Put on My Cute Eyeglasses

That My Dad Sent Me From Germany

That Shaped Like A Dragon With Golden Wings

And Everyone Thought I was so Cool and Cute

Because I Was Different From Everybody Else.

The Pharaoh Looked Very Strange Down Under

He Had The Cutest Smile and Blue Eyes

And A Face that Will Never Look Bad in Photos!

The Pharaoh Was Waiting In Line

Along With All The Other Dead Bodies

Until He Got to the Top

Where He Found A Dead Fish Eating Another Dead Fish

The Pharaoh Stopped Eating and said, "Excuse me... You are eating another dead fish?"

The Dead Fish Said, "No... I'm Eating a Living Fish."

The Pharaoh Said, "OK Then, You Can Have It"

So the Pharaoh Touched His Sword, And Swallowed The Living Fish

Then He Looked Around for Something He Could Eat

He Saw A Worm, Which was Also Very, Very Dead

But When The Pharaoh Touched it It Turned Into a Boy Who Said, "Hi! My Name Is Pete!"

Pete Was A Little Creepy Looking Because he Had No Eyebrows Or Nose Hair

Or Ears On Both Sides Of His Head

But That Didn't Stop Him From Being Friendly!!!

Pete Was A Good Boy!!!

And he Talked and talked about God For So Long...

The Pharaoh Thought The More Talking the Better

Because He Would Never Run Out of Things To Say!!!!

The Pharaoh Thought, "God Is Great"!!!

The Pharaoh Thought, "I Wish I Was God So I Can Keep Talking To People for Free."

The Pharaoh Thought, "God Is Good."

But after the Pharaoh Stopped Thinking and Said "I Want to Be God"

Another Worm Came Along

And When He Touched It

It Turned into A Girl Named Patrice.

Patrice Was Pretty Cool but the Pharaoh Wanted More!!

Patrice Talked for Hours

About The Bible

God's Son

And How There Is Only One True God

Who Created Everything in Existence!!!

But when Patrice Finished Talking

Another Worm Came And Turned Into a Boy Named Jason, Who Had His Parents' Name

Which Made It Really Weird!!!!

Jason Talked for Days and Days and Days and Days

And Eventually He Turned into God, The Creator of All Things!

God Told the Pharaoh that He was God and Had Seen The Pharaoh in Line

He Said, "You Will Rule over All the Dead Bodies."

The Pharaoh Did NOT Think This Was True!!!

But God Was God

And The Pharaoh Didn't Want To Upset Him!!!

So the Pharaoh Wore the Crown of a Ruler over His Head

And Started Chanting Names of Gods in a Long, Long, LONG Song

He Said Names Over and Over and Over and Over and Over...

The Pharaoh Singed...

"God is Great

God is Good

I Am Not God

I Will Eat God"

He Shouted it

Over And Over Again

Until His Voice Cracked!

He Couldn't Make the Voices Go Away So he Shouted The Last Thing he Could Think Of!!

"God Is Bad

I Am A Good Person

I Do Good Things for the Good of Others!!!"

He Turned To God, Who Was Standing Right There In Front Of him, and Took His Finger And Pressed God's Nose.

God's Nose Blew Water

And He Sprayed All Over The Pharaoh!!!!!!!

The Pharaoh Woke Up, Completely Wet

He Washed Himself with The Water from the Fountain

And Then Looked Outside to See Where The Rain Came From

But It Wasn't a Raindrop... It Was the Face of God Looking At the Pharaoh

In This Moment God Gave The Pharaoh a Gift:

A Magic Staff of Light

So That The Pharaoh Could Never Be Put On a Pedestal

Because All Good People Are Like Everybody Else!!!"

It Happens Every Year...

The Moon Rises Over A Different Place...

All the Pretty Flowers are Cut

Everybody Eats a Very Strange Fish, Including The Pharaoh...

The Pharaoh Wears a Crown over his Head

That Makes Him Never Feel Pain.

He Shouts out "I Am God!!"

Then God Punches the Pharaoh in the Face and makes him Swallow A Living Fish, That He's Actually Eating the Worm...

This is All a Dream...

All I See Is the Moon Over Egypt...

I Can See Everything Happening Here

Even though I'm Thousands of Miles Away from my Home Town

"Alleluia"!!!

God Save The Pharaoh!!!

(from my memory)

Thank You To My Fans For Your Patience Over These Last Few Months. I Know You Were All Waiting To Hear A New Song From Me. The Great News Is That My Song, "The Pharaoh's Curse And The Genie's Blessing", Finally Came Out This Week! (I know it took a little while, but that just shows you how special this song is!) You'll Be Amazed At How Powerful This Song Is!

I Think You'll All Agree That This Song Is More Than A Little Bit Bizarre!!! I Am A True Professional Who Always Delivers The Best Possible Music I Can But There Are Still Times When The Music Makes The Music! This Is One Of Those Songs! Please Be Sure To Give This Song An Honest Chance, If It Doesn't Hit Home for You Right Away You May Still Find Something That Resonates! In Fact, If You Would Please Share This Song With Your Friends, I'm Pretty Sure Many People Will Find Themselves Feeling It Deeply By The End!

That's the Kind of Song This Is Folks! I Hope You're As Excited As I Am!!!

If Not I'm Sorry This Was The Song I Had To Bring To You!

That's All Folks!

[the-broken-truth]

(Drinking a cup of tea): Hello there! Happy New Year’s Eve! I was thinking of Björn sleeping and then he has a livid nightmare of Magni and Modi’s death that makes him wake up in tears. Then Sif immediately feels that her son is distressed so she and Thor goes to comfort him.

Broken Truth (Having a cup of coffee): Greetings, my friend! Happy New Year's Eve. (Reads the ask) Oh... Poor Björn but good thing he has caring parents that can help him through it. Now, let the words weave together.

"Magni! No!"

He remembered the cry of Modi - it woke him up from the forced slumber that Modi had placed him under to keep him out of the fray, his vision was blurry but he could see the large blonde-haired man laying on the ground with an axe gash in the center of his face. Björn opens his eyes wide and scurried to his feet to run to Magni's body before sliding onto his knees once he reached the large body and placed his smaller hands on Magni's arm, shaking him, trying to wake him up.

"Magni! Magni! Come on, stay with me! Magni!!!" He cried out but there was no response and soon, Magni's body began to fade away into the wind, making Björn's hands to hit the crystal-like ground and the area around him began to change - No... He knew this cave. He heard familiar groaning behind him and rose to his feet and turned around, coming face to face with a very beat-up-looking Modi.

"Modi!" Björn called as he ran over to Modi and placed a hand on Modi's sore shoulder in a very gentle manner. "Don't worry, Modi! I'll help you out. I won't lose you like I lost Magni!" But Modi just looked at him with blue eyes and opened his mouth to speak.

"How can you save me now...when you couldn't save me before?" Modi asked when the side of his neck suddenly was cut open and he fell to the side before he rolled off the edge of the cliff, into the darkness.

"MODI! NO!" Björn reached out to him but couldn't reach him. He felt the blood on his face, Modi's blood, and began crying before he roared out in anger to the skies before he gasped and opened his eyes once again - his true eyes.

He was in his room in Asgard - Magni's Old Room - and he was alone; listening to the sound of the fire crackle in the fireplace. He pulled himself into a sitting position on the bed before he hugged his knees close to his chest and began to sob.

"How can you save me now...when you couldn't save me before?" Modi's words in his dream played back in his mind and he cried even harder. Modi was right - he was weak before and couldn't save the ones he considered his brothers. What worth was he to be here in Asgard? In the room where Magni once laid his head? What worth was he to Thor and Sif as their son when he couldn't even save their real sons?

"What good am I to anyone?" Björn sobbed to himself when the door opened and he looked through his tears to see Thor and Sif standing there with concern written on their faces. Sif walked over to his bedside and sat on the ledge of his bed before she lifted her hand to wipe his tears from his face before he cupped his face in her hands.

"Björn, what is wrong wit hyou, My Son? Why do you cry?" Sif asked her boy.

"How... How did you know I was crying?" He asked as he blinked fresh tears from his vision.

"A mother always knows when her children as upset. Now, tell us what is wrong with you? Why are you so distressed?" Sif asked Björn once again; he looked at Sif, then at Thor, then at Sif again before he felt more tears beginning to form.

"I failed you, Mother. Father. I failed to protect what you hold most dear and it's all my fault." Björn sobbed again. Thor looked confused before he realized what his son was talking about. Thor walked over to Björn's bedside and placed a hand on his shoulder, making the bear look upon the thunderer.

"What happened to your brothers...is not your fault. The Ghost of Sparta and the Jotunn were the ones who took them from us - from you as well. I know you cry for them, you miss them, I cry and miss them too but I will never blame you for something you tried to prevent, Björn." Thor explained before Sif picked up where he left off.

"Your father speaks the truth, my little bear, neither one of us, not even your sister, blames you for what happened to Magni and Modi but you still blame yourself for not being stronger. You are allowed to cry, you are allowed to miss them, but you aren't allowed to blame yourself for something you couldn't control. Please. Never blame yourself again." Sif pulled the bear into a hug and slowly stroked his hair and he began to whimper and hold his mother, letting the last of his grief out from his heart. H would always miss his brothers but now he knew it wasn't his fault and he could rest easy now.

[jaceeverett]

TASK #11 WRITE A LETTER

triggering / sensitive content warnings: mentions of the army, war, death, depression, anxiety, PTSD.

Dear Gabriel,

I think about that one night all the time; it was quiet, no one else was awake, and you turned to me as we watched the stars and asked, "do you think you'll go home after this?" Back then, I laughed, and told you that I couldn't imagine anywhere that I wanted to go less than home. You asked me why, which was fair, considering all the time that I spent talking about Merrock, the salty sea air, the bonfires in the woods, the lavish parties on New Years Eve that us kids were never invited to, but always dreamed of attending. You couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to go back to that, especially if I had family waiting for me. You told me when we first met that you didn't: that your parents had passed, that you were living with your uncle who tried his best, but didn't know how to be a dad. I felt guilty for feeling like I couldn't go home to my family, to my siblings who had done nothing wrong, to my parents who did love me, even if they showed it in all the wrong ways. I tried to explain it to you, tell you about the pressure and expectations, the shined shoes and the way my mom would lick her thumb to smooth back my hair in church on Sunday mornings. The way my dad would've tanned my hide if he caught me smoking in public, or at one of the parties we attended as kids. You quietly told me that you understood, but I could sense that you were disappointed. We didn't talk much until I asked you where you would go, and you told me anywhere in the mountains. That you'd build a cabin and live off the land, and never go near "another god damn human being for a whole year," and we laughed and shared a swig of the flask you had hidden under the cot and the next day, you were gone.

Next year, it'll be twenty years since you died. Isn't that wild? Twenty years since I was laid up in that field hospital while they pulled shrapnel out of my knee and repaired as much damage as they could. I was too stubborn to go home, too pissed off about what had happened, demanded that they fix me up and get me out of there as soon as possible. You, Jack, Reagan, Daniel; so many of our friends that we sat around with on those long nights, shooting the shit, pretending we were anywhere but there, gone. Sometimes when I'm sitting outside at night, looking up at the stars, I swear you're gonna lean over with that damn flask in your hand and ask if I want a drink, pull some story out of me about learning to catch lobster or shooting a rifle for the first time. People don't get that, how much of that time stays engrained in you, refuses to leave even after all of these years. That's why I don't think my family will ever really understand why I didn't come home.

But I did. I went to Yellowstone first, because I made a promise to you guys during our game of 'anywhere but here' that when I got out, that's where I'd go, and I did. The first year was tough; I was dealing with so much PTSD, anxiety, depression. There were some nights where the only thing I wanted to do was crawl home, give up, let my dad lecture me, my mom slick my hair back, take comfort from my siblings... then my dad wrote me a letter saying how disappointed he was that I didn't 'see it through'; how he had hoped I had been able to retire from the military some day, decorated and honored, serving my country for years to come. I never even told him about the Purple Heart they rewarded me for that day we got attacked. When we got blown to bits. I got help, which was something a lot of the people we served with didn't. I don't know what made me different, what pushed me to do it, but I did, and I'm glad for it, because I was able to go to college, get a degree, become a park ranger. I became a firefighter and saved lives, and I helped people who needed me. I did it for you guys as much as I did it for myself, and even though I didn't go far enough off grid to not see "another god damn human being," I did spend my time in the wild. And then I went home.

I'm writing you this letter from the front porch of my camper. I placed flags on the graves of veterans this morning, shared a conversation about war with an older gentleman who thanked me for my service. I cooked myself dinner, I avoided social media and the news, and I thought about how this day triggered every change we didn't ask for, and decided to write you a letter. A thunderstorm just passed through and you can tell by the change in the air that fall's coming; that the summer season's gone. I'm sure the leaves are going to change soon, we'll probably have more hikers in the park, get more rescue calls out by the falls for people who wore the wrong shoes, or tried to go off the beaten path. But it's okay, because I love the work. They let me start a program this summer for the kids in town, which was so much fun. A couple of afternoons, I even got to bring Rosalyn to help me out. She's my sister's daughter, and her spitting image. I was nervous at first, with Cordelia. She's been through so much since I left home, but she's settling into her life so beautifully now. She has a really steady boyfriend (her high school sweetheart), and just moved into a rental home that's cute and perfect for her -- even has a backyard for Rosalyn. She works at the high school, I think she's kind of like the office boss, but without being the boss, that sort of deal. All I know is she's good at her job. My parents don't talk to her because of how Rosalyn was conceived (long story short, she slept with a married man -- she didn't know, but it's a small town, and people talk), which is their loss. Theo... my older brother. Things are a little more complicated there. We work together at the fire station, since I volunteer -- figured I'd put my training to good use. But where Cordelia was forgiving and eager to have her big brother back, I think it's going to be a longer road for me and Theo. He's married -- also to his high school sweetheart, which makes me think I missed the memo? -- and has two kids. He's also damn good at his job, even if I sometimes laugh under my breath when he's being tough. I mean, I used to make mud pies with him out back when we were kids, it's a weird sort of situation now. I don't think Theo has much of a relationship with my parents, either, so it's pretty much just the three of us. I haven't run into them or made any effort to see them since coming home. They have to know I'm here, by now, but I'm pretty sure they don't care. I guess maybe if I could tell you all of this now, you would have told me with more ferocity that you understand why I said I wouldn't go home.

Or maybe you would've told me to suck it up and reminded me that Cordelia and Theo never did anything wrong, and my place was with them. Catching lobsters and sneaking beer at the bonfire. I probably should've listened to you.

It took me a long time to get right with myself, and to accept that it wasn't wrong of me to be here, that it was okay to be grateful for the fact that I had made it out alive. When they tell you about survivor's guilt and PTSD and all the shit that you deal with after the war, they're not kidding. One night, after a really nice date with a bartender, we were laying in bed, and he asked me about the scars on my knee, if I had gotten into a motorcycle accident or fallen on a hike, what did that much damage. I sat up and showed him the scar on the back of my head (oh, hey, by the way -- I got shot two years after they tried to blow me up) and told him about fighting in the war, and it was really the first time that I had ever been open with someone about my scars, mental and physical. He asked if it had hurt, and I told him that it did, of course it did, but I was glad. Because at least it meant that I had made it trough. And I think ever since I stepped off that plane, that's just what I've been trying to do, is make it through. I want to do right by you, because you were probably my closest friend from the moment we touched down in the dust, and I'm always going to be grateful for that. But I knew part of doing right by you meant going home.

So in another twenty years, maybe I'll write you again, Gabe. Maybe I'll be telling you about my gorgeous chapel wedding to my beautiful bride, or the kid I adopted with my boyfriend. Maybe I'll have built a cabin, or won best pumpkin at the agricultural fair nearby. Or maybe it'll just be me telling you that I'm still at home, and I'm still just trying to make it through. I think you'll appreciate that.

I hope you're resting easy, bub. And passing around the flask.

Hooah.

-- Jason

[thoughtsofbaal]

Nighttime stories.

It was New Year's Eve in the city of New Orleans the streets were crowded as people stumbled about drunkenly enjoying the holiday, people laughed, danced, and played music. It seemed as if everyone was joyous, all except one. Elizabeth walked the streets in a haze.For a year, she had been plagued with a dream. a premonition. A prophecy. Yet when it came true, it offered her very little solace. She knew it was ridiculous, but the facts were undeniable Two months and it consumed her. Vampires were real. Elizabeth was attacked by one the media dubbed as a rabbit animal. the sensation of his fangs digging into her shoulder still lingered. she brushed the scars and shivered, but that wasn't what frightened her. It was HIM. The bar owner. the most dangerous being she could have ever imagined. the site of him ripping the other vampire apart were so brutal, not even the hardest of criminals would be able to stomach such a sight. the way he plunged his hand into the other's chest, crushing his heart with ease. to the way he severed his head tendon by tendon. Elizabeth fell to the ground for a moment, gasping for air. Her hands clutched her rosary for dear life, yet all the prayers in the world would not find her comfort.  therapy was not an option either. she'd probably be declared insane or schizophrenic. after a few moments Elizabeth got up and noticed the chapel nearby was lit. getting the courage, she walked in. 

“As much as I do charity, this is no place for drunkards to sleep.” The voice was gentle yet stern, like a parents. Elizabeth came to, shaking violently as she looked at the priest. He wore the typical clergy outfit, long brown hair tied in a neat tail, and face shaved. He looked young, maybe only 30, his face just barely starting to wrinkle. His eyes were a soft brown, warm and inviting. “No Father, I’m not drunk nor here to sleep.” Perhaps it was something in her eyes or the shaking in her voice, but the priest frowned. He motioned towards her with a small smile. “Come, let us talk a while.” The two walked up the pews of the chapel, Elizabeth taking in the building. This was not the Catholic Church she normally attended, hers was much closer to her side of New Orleans. 

“My name is Gabriel. What is your name dear?” He sat down in the very front pew, away from the few others that were there sending prayers for the New Year. “Elizabeth.” She answered curtly, startling herself a bit. “It is a pleasure to meet you Elizabeth… What ails you so vexingly?” His eyes showed great concern, anyone looking at the woman could see she had been through the ringer. She’d go to work on autopilot only to lock herself in her apartment. Even her friends couldn’t reach her. Elizabeth took a breath, tears swelling her eyes. “I moved here in June from Canada, and even before moving I kept having a dream… A nightmare.” Father Gabriel looked at her, giving a slight nod as if to say Continue. “This vision of the future plagued me.” 

“And what happened in this nightmare?” Father Gabriel leaned his head and stared at Elizabeth, her gaze avoiding his. “It always played out exactly the same. Halloween night. I remember walking into the most beautiful gothic bar. It was adorned in candles that lit up the space. Deep red and black velvet covered the walls in intricate patterns and bat motifs. It was busy and many people were dressed in costumes, including the bar staff. I drink too much for my tolerance but I had an extremely rough week and wanted to forget it.” 

She stopped talking when another priest walked by offering her a glass of water. “Thank you..” The woman gave a nod and the priest went on his way. She took a few sips before continuing. “I stayed there for a few hours and maybe 10 minutes before midnight, I walk out. I live roughly three blocks from this bar so I decided to just walk home. There are plenty of people outside so I think nothing of it and head home. That’s when I’m struck by something on the back of my head and fall. Something drags me into a darkened alley before someone notices. That’s when I feel the fangs plunge into my neck shoulder area.” 

Her story stopped for a moment so she could catch her breath. Her gaze met Father Gabriel’s and to her comfort, he was still intently listening to her rather outlandish sounding dream. “I start loosing consciousness and am not to fight back as the vampire kills me. But that’s when the vampire is thrown off of me. I’m slumped on the ground unable to move but I can still see what’s happening. Another man had appeared. The most beautiful man I have ever seen. He was too beautiful to be real, yet he was right in front of me. He rips and mangles the vampire until it dies and becomes a pile of clothes and dust. Then my… Hero… Turns around and I see the most horrifying thing of the night. His fangs… So many fangs compared to the other vampire and glowing red eyes that scream monster. He notices my fear and relaxes, crouching down to check on me. I’m then lifted up by him then taken somewhere. I don’t ever get to see because the nightmare is over.” 

She stopped talking now, gaze fixated on the crucifix. “Father…” Her voice trembles even more now as Father Gabriel rubs her arm gently. “That is quite the dream. I can understand why you look as you do. You must not have had a peaceful night’s sleep in a long time.” She shook her head, agreeing with his statement, though anyone could see she was not functioning properly at all. “Has the dream stopped?” His gentle voice carried a wave of worry, knowing things of the mind could take someone down harder than a physical ailment. “Yes…. Because the events have happened.” Her eyes could almost burn the wooden cross with how intensely she stared at it, not wanting to see the face of the priest’s probable disbelief. “Father… Are vampires real? Tell me. Do they actually exist?” 

She turned to him with a lifetime of pain in both voice and body, not wanting yet another person to find her crazed. “I know what you are going to say. They are not real. I’m delusional and crazy.”  Slowly Elizabeth pulled down her shirt a bit, revealing a few nasty looking bite scars. Many would assume it was a dog, but someone with more expertise would be able to tell it was more human in structure. Even these weren’t enough proof for even her now ex best friend. Father Gabriel looked at Elizabeth with sadness in his eyes and stood up. “I believe you, dear. Come. I have something to show you.” 

He motioned for her to follow, and her gaze broke from the crucifix to the priest. This was the first time someone had said they believed her, yet she doubted him. She stared at him bewildered for a moment before snapping out of it and following. Thoughts raced her mind. This is a holy place. No harm shall come to me here. She repeated this as a mantra as he led her to the chapel’s office. 

Upon opening the door she noticed it was a small, cozy office. It had pictures of a few of the Saints, some past and the present Pope, a few clergy men and a rather large picture of Mary holding baby Jesus. A book shelf full of books took up an entire wall, and there was another filled with more books and religious music and videos. There was a desk with a bunch of paperwork thrown about and a small, extremely comfy looking couch. Elizabeth thought of laying on it, wondering if she’d get some peace in the chapel. 

“What is it you want to show me Father?” The woman was more relaxed now, the faintest smile creeping up on her face. “Nothing in here.” Father Gabriel moved a picture to reveal a button, an empty wall moved to reveal a passageway. “In times of strife God shows us things we may not understand. I too was unsure of my dreams. I had never murdered a man before but the visions of doing such shook me to my core. It was when the events of the nightmare came to fruition that I realized something. I knew very little about the world and that frightened me.”

[howwelldoyouknowyourmoon]

Faced with the acutely disturbing reality of the Unification Movement…

Why people follow Hyung Jin

Especially for the first generation, witnessing what is happening with the movement we once joined is, at the very least, disappointing. More likely disheartening, or even traumatic. It seems that everything we taught and believed in is being knocked down, disassembled. The very pillars of our faith, the True Parents, are being exposed as much less than perfect. Our belief in the importance of chastity suffered a big blow since Hyo Jin’s confession in 1988, followed ten years later by Nansook’s book revealing all kinds of abuse in the heart of East Garden. We heard of the Six Marys, of children outside marriage… We saw power struggles; lawsuits for hundreds of millions of dollars; persecution campaigns; money stealing, you name it. More recently we heard of the True Mother coming with a new understanding of her position and lineage and making some little changes here and there, stirring the outcry of some rigid believers. There are memos and open letters from the leaders accusing, excommunicating… Our belief in the importance of unity went out the window with Preston, Sean and Justin; our faith in ancestor liberation ended up being a lucrative business for a phony shaman… while the sacredness of marriage was stepped on by Tatiana… All of it challenging our very sanity.

What’s a person who was faithful for thirty, forty years to do with this reality? I know what that person does NOT want to do: face that reality. It’s too painful to come to terms with the high possibility that our worldview was based on a fantasy; that our dear and adored True Parents may have been two delusional people; that the True Family, a.k.a. the foundation for the Kingdom of Heaven on earth, is a bunch of spoiled, bad-tempered bullies or phony personalities. It hurts. For THAT we left our family and friends, our country? For THAT we put aside our personal goals and desires, and gave our lives? It’s painful; it’s embarrassing.

Faced with the acutely disturbing reality of the Unification Movement, some people would rather hold on to a fantasy which now Hyung Jin is trying to embody. It’s a way to create hope from hopelessness. Not having enough guts to leave the asylum altogether, they remain under the wing of the “heir,” just in case… It doesn’t matter to them how he behaved during his chairmanship… Yes, he did a few weird things, he believes in conspiracy theories and other questionable stuff; yes, he’s trying to build a church financed by his gun-making brother… but hey! following him keeps their eyes in a future that will be better (or so they want to believe) – anything but facing what is. Afraid of being their God-given selves, they’d rather follow someone; they need “the lineage” to feel safe, to feel their value. They dug for some words of the Rev. Moon that support their present fantasy (while ignoring a whole lot that point in a different direction) and they’re ready to pledge absolute obedience to the new king! Personally, I’m among the ones who decided to look at reality right in the face, lower my head, and admit that I have made a mistake; that I committed the crime of ignoring God – that compass within me – to follow someone in the name of the Principle of Restoration. I was young then… Today I see that such Principle is the perfect tool to control the minds and hearts of good, idealistic people like me.

The very philosophy of Hyung Jin is: to become a Zero in front of Christ. Those words may sound lofty and true, but in the practice they mean you have to put aside who you are. That is seen as a merit – and a necessity. However, I’m convinced that mindset is an aberration of God’s design. Beware, people! I hold the Reverend Moon in spirit world to his own word – his single, most truthful teaching, “Follow your conscience,” as I do just that and move on.

YR

Adam and Eve were not real

Reflections on a very Korean “messiah”

Reflections on the significance of lineage and of Jesus