#these girls mean so much to Vika and sometimes she just needs reminding that she means just as much to them

[sagesolsticewrites]

Lonely But I'm Good - A Vika Interlude

Had a not-great mental health moment recently, decided to project it all onto one of my OC's and... this was the result. Fondly referred to as "Vika lore" by my dear @winniemaywebber 🫶

hi @winniemaywebber @blakelysco-pilot

tw for depression, self isolation.

It had been nearly a month since she’d last properly spoken to her friends when the thoughts began to pop up in the back of her mind.

Vika was no stranger to these thoughts— they’d cropped up in the time she and Jules had first drifted apart, when she’d had only her family for companionship for a while. They had finally waned — ironically— during the war, when she and Jules had reconnected and her circle of friends had grown more than she’d dared to imagine.

But it seemed that time spent alone had allowed them to rear their ugly heads once more.

What if they’ve decided they’re better off without you? What if they’re all together right now, not giving you a single thought? What if they’ve forgotten about you? What if, what if, what if…

Logically, Vika knew, these thoughts were nonsense. There were perfectly reasonable explanations for why their little group had gone quiet for the moment.

Juliet was busy turning her new house into a home with John, and on top of that the new school year had started.

Olive was happily starting a life with Dougie out in Michigan.

Val and Ev, Rosie and Jo… all of them were in newlywed bliss, Jean and Croz had their hands full with Little Croz, and Benny…

Her heart squeezed the tiniest bit, but she did her best to ignore it.

Benny had found a job— she was ecstatic for him—  and had his hands full with his new responsibilities.

They’re all perfectly happy without you, that awful voice in the back of her mind hissed, see?

She exhaled slowly, staring determinedly down at the ledger in front of her. Then bit by torturous bit, her gaze shifted to the phone on the desk.

Perhaps she could call one of her friends, see if they’d like to meet for lunch or some little thing… it was the hotel’s slow season, after all…

You’d only be bothering them, the cruel thoughts sparked up again, if they really want to see you, they’ll call you themselves when they have the time.

Vika screwed her eyes shut, trying to find fault in the cold logic, but—

Well.

They had a point.

They were all busy, she let the cool flow of reason persuade her, it would be rude to butt in on their various honeymoons and domestic affairs and jobs.

She would wait for them to contact her first.

And as she waited, the cruel thoughts grew louder.

It was gradual. An occasional sharp reminder to wait whenever her thoughts drifted to setting up an outing with her friends. A periodic fantasy about how happy her friends surely were at the moment, and how unwelcome her interruption would be. A sporadic imagining of all of them finding time to spend together, while she sat at the front desk, or at the dinner table with her parents, or— increasingly more frequently— alone in her room.

Because she was the outsider, wasn’t she?

She knew that wasn’t true, she knew. She knew her friends cherished her place in their little group, knew that on the rare occasions she wasn’t able to join them in the early days of their friendship she could at the very least anticipate a phone call filling her in on all she’d missed, how much they wished she’d been there and what she’d have to look forward to next time she joined them.

But that little part of her that knew was growing smaller and smaller, overtaken by the dark cloud growing in her mind— the one that, when her friends finally had clear schedules again, convinced her to make excuses as to why she couldn’t come, lying that she’d see them at their next little outing, all the while a shadow purring in her ear that yes, this was for the best, they wouldn’t have her dragging them down, they won’t even notice she’s missing.

Eventually their phone calls went unanswered entirely, letting them be picked up by her parents, who gave well-meaning excuses about Vika being busy with the hotel, or needed at home, or simply tired from a busy day.

She was tired. It wasn’t a lie.

It just wasn’t exactly from busy days at the hotel.

It wasn’t not her work, but lately it was less caused by the strain of logging which rooms were reserved for an upcoming weekend and which were available, lugging what felt like tons of linens back and forth from the rooms to the laundry and back, making sure every inch of the building that was her family’s livelihood was spotless… 

And more due to the weight of the cruel thoughts spinning in her head. She didn’t have the strength to fight them off with the logic and reassurance of her friendships, especially when that reassurance was fading faster by the day with each unanswered call, each outing she skipped out on.

The calls would stop eventually, she reassured herself— or was it the shadows reassuring her? It was getting harder to tell.

They’d soon realize they could stop pretending to want her as part of their little group, she’d be alone with her family and the hotel to care for, and everything would go back to the way it was.

Pressure built behind her eyes at the thought, but she clung to the cold, cruel logic that lived in the shadows of her mind.

They didn’t need her. She didn’t fit in their group. She would always be the odd one out— the one that wasn’t allowed into the fancy clubs they wanted to visit, the one that was stared at, the one dark spot amid their bright complexions. It was better that she cut herself off, slowly drift away from them on her own rather than deal with them pushing her away bit by bit.

It had been several weeks of carefully cutting herself off before Juliet showed up at the hotel.

Vika blinked, stunned into silence at her dearest friend rushing into the empty lobby, worry etched all over her face.

For one horrible moment, Vika thought something was wrong with Jules, with John, with one of their friends—

Juliet’s expression relaxed the tiniest bit as her green gaze settled on Vika, thought not by much.

“Jules,” Vika stammered, “What are you—?”

“Are you alright?” Her friend demanded, marching up to the front desk. Her frown deepened as she took in the dull brown of Vika’s eyes, the bags underneath them that makeup did little to hide, the downward turn of her lips. Her tone softened the slightest bit, “We’ve been worried sick.”

We?

Motion caught her eye as the rest of the girls, their respective gentlemen in tow, followed by Benny, tumbled through the front doors.

“I—” Vika couldn’t find the words to react to the scene before her, “What..? Why—”

“Vika,” her friend’s tone was almost fearful, full to the brim with worry and anxiety and love, “It’s been nearly a month and a half since any of us have seen you, I— we can hardly even get you on the phone anymore, what’s wrong?”

For all the cruel whispers and dark thoughts, that shadowy, sorrowful part of her mind hadn’t planned for this— for them to be worried about her.

“I—”

Her breath caught as she looked out at her friends— the friends she hadn’t had a proper conversation with in far too long, the friends that should want nothing to do with her— and the dam broke.

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed, tears streaming down her face, “I’m sorry, I just— I was so lonely, but I didn’t want to bother any of you when you all had better things to do, and then I don’t know what came over me but the next thing I knew I thought you’d all be better off without me, and— oh, I didn’t think you’d actually worry—”

The words left her in a rush as she felt herself almost collapse. She would have ended up crumpled on the floor had it not been for the girls swooping in to hold her up, stricken looks on their faces.

“Vika,” Juliet said carefully, eyes shining with tears of her own as the girls guided her to a cushy loveseat nearby, settling in next to her, “I— ‘better things to do’? You didn’t think we’d worry?”

Vika sniffled, trying to stem the flow of tears as she did her best to catch her breath, focusing on the girls squeezing her hands, pressing in next to her, the warm hands on her back, the soft words of comfort they were murmuring.

“I was lonely,” she said again, quieter this time. “And sometimes I get… I don’t know how to describe other than this shadowy cloud of sadness closing in around me. It’s… it’s mean, and it takes my meanest, saddest thoughts and makes them louder, until they’re all I can hear, until—”

She squeezed her eyes shut, taking a slow breath in and out as she gathered her thoughts.

“I wanted to give you all space while you were on your honeymoons and setting up your homes and starting new jobs and all that,” she said eventually, “But that cloud rolled in, and…”

She sighed. It sounded so silly when she said it now.

“I was convinced I’d be bothering you if I called. I convinced myself that if you all wanted to see me, you’d contact me, and then when you did, I had that cloud whispering in my ear that it was out of pity, that you didn’t really want to see me, and eventually… that it would be best if I drifted away from you all entirely.”

“Oh, Vika.”

There was a heartbreaking silence, and then she was enveloped on all sides by warmth.

“Never, I promise—”

“You can call us anytime, I thought you knew—”

“Please, please, never think that again—”

“If there’s ever a time we don’t hear from you for a while,” Jules said, her voice muffled from where her face was pressed into Vika’s hair, her arms like a vice around her friend, “I’m marching in here and dragging you out with me, I swear it.”

Vika let out a watery laugh, still not quite believing the amount of sheer love radiating from the girls around her.

“And we’ll be right behind her,” Val spoke up, eyes blazing, tears threatening to spill over.

“Would it help if we had a scheduled outing? Or even a phone call?” Olive suggested, brushing away the tears on her cheeks, “I know our get-togethers have been a bit on the fly lately, but I know I’d love having a weekly or even monthly phone call to look forward to with each of you. That way even if our schedules won’t allow a proper get together, we can still have a chance to catch up.”

“That sounds very nice,” Vika sniffled, doing her best to remember how to smile properly.

“That’s a wonderful idea, Olive,” Jean smiled, her voice warm.

“I can see the boys getting fussy about the phone bill, so monthly would probably be best,” Jo chimed in, giving Vika a squeeze.

“We can work out the details later,” Jules said, “What matters is—” she pulled back, making sure to meet her friend’s eyes— “We’re going to make sure you never feel that kind of lonely again.” 

Her gaze softened, guilt flashing in her eyes, “And I’m so, so sorry you ever felt that way in the first place, Vika.”

Unable to find the words to soothe her friend, Vika used what little reach she had— with the rest of the girls’ arms still wrapped tight around her— to pull Juliet into a fierce hug.

“I love you girls,” Vika said tremblingly, hoping that all she couldn’t say was understood in her voice.

“We love you, too, honey.”

[maskved]

*inserts incoherent sentences and bad jokes here bcs u know me* shipped miray and vika straight to ketterdam for my girl sora lol so here is my intro and pls plot with me although i suck at getting to my messages, but it’s my toxic charm #yolo (making it cool again).

[ sora nam ], an [ twenty-six ] year old grisha in the little palace. she is a [ inferni ] and are known in the little palace as the [ the taciturn ]. they are known to be [ loyal ] and [ tactless ] and vaguely resemble [ kim jisoo ]. + (she’s a blacksmith sucking at her job but i’ll explain it later)

pinterest

𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏  : mikasa ackerman (snk), kuroko (kuroko no basket), ty lee (atla)

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬

full name : nam sora 

age: 26

gender & pronouns : cis-female , she/her

sexuality :  bisexual

grisha type : inferni

occupation: former aerialist, blacksmith

hometown : kabu, shu han

𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅

sexual harrassment tw, death tw

- her story starts the way many others would do. a girl, bright eyes and smiles born in shu han is welcomed by the world. she isn’t born into money and wealth but she the love she receives easily make up for it and she wouldn’t choose any other life.

- yet, sora knows fate has planned more for her; to widen her horizon, see the world beyond the bubble her parents raised her in. she didn’t know how but one day little sora would stand between a spellbound crowd, stretching her little body and tiptoeing to spot what had enchanted them. her eyes would set on a woman, grabbing a trapez bar and swinging through the air, so effortlessly as if it was something natural everyone was supposed to do. - and from this day on she wanted to do the same.

- it didn’t take her long, that she’d become part of a travelling circus. of course she wasn’t perfect at first but she was still a child and whatever a child would do was endearing enough to make people stay. something the owner knew.

- so it would continue until sora would perfect her craft, dreaming of becoming the woman she witnessed back then. yet, it seemed that this barely mattered and even if she became better there was something the director’s eyes, an everlasting displeasure about what it seemed like an empty everything. and how was she supposed to know what this everything was ?

- truth to be told, as always money was the culprit, the root of  greed and the catalyst for atrocious acts by a merciless man claiming it was the world that corrupted him and not his very own tainted soul. 

- it started with him wanting his artists to steal from the crowd when they were enveloped by a stilted dream. yet, his hunger would never be satisfied and soon he’d command his performers not only giving up their body for the circus but also for other purposes. fortunately, sora would only hear from it, noticing the way her friends usually so calm in the air, heights separating them from the ground would shake when they’d talk to her. yet, she could do nothing, they didn’t have a home or a place to go to. sora knew that one day she’d be the same as them and that day would soon come. and when it came moments would turn into a second. dim candle light, a spark, fire everywhere and then she’d run, not knowing what had happened, but continuing to run without looking back.

- in the back of her mind, she knew that it was her, and she shouldn’t have felt bad for getting rid of the people who tried to hurt her. yet, even she couldn’t control the fire, and it wouldn’t differntiate between her resting friends and them.

- she was a criminal, worse, grisha and she knew there was no place for them in shu han, so she planned to go to the little palace, knowing that she’d be safe her. however, even when she arrived, she couldn’t bring herself to let the truth escape from her mind, after all if she didn’t say it, it wouldn’t be real. so she lied, about everything, where she came from and what she was. and most importantly she wasn’t grisha.

- luckily, a friendly blacksmith noticed the desperate girl and without asking too much, they took pity on her, noticing the distraught look and offering her to help them out, tryign to teach her to become a blacksmith.

𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚

- though very quite in nature, almost appearing detached from any situation, sora is quite soft-hearted. taking everything to heart and probably trusting people way too easily. yet, people rarely get to know this side of hers as sora isn’t someone who usually would approach people. adding to her natural introversion, her way with words is improvable to say at least as she tends to be a little too forward. since she’d been young she only interacted with the people she grew up with and therefore did not really learn other and more polite ways to communicate. 

𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔

- childhood friends (can be from anywhere) she met when she was performing but they obviously couldn’t stay in touch but they were super close, someone she was supposed to steal from but they noticed it, people who are suspicious of her and think she’s a spy, people who try to actually make her a spy because she might be useful to them but also for comedic purposes she doesn’t notice it, exes for the angst !!!, relative to the people she whoops accidenally killed, friends in general, enemies, listen a first love and they meet again at the little palace, unrequited love bcs i love pain, people from the circus (pls) or someone who sneaked into the circus and witnesses the scene and almostgot killed lol

𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆

- okay, i have that headcanon, that people are generally super suspicious of her. because she is constantly found lurking on the roofs of random people’s houses but also she just generally gives super suspicious vibes due to her personality

- adding to that, she claims to be a blacksmith but all the weapons she make suck tbh. ( also i have that one cute headcanon where a childhood friend (wc) taught her how to forge knives but they also didn’t know how to make them correctly and sora just assumed it was the right way and still thinks it is, so all the knives are crooked)

- also she hates being an inferni as it’ll always remind her of the incident (aka the burning circus part 1) but sometimes she also uses her abilites to cook water for her tea (bcs i need to make my muses dumb as always)

- although she’s a (former) aerilist, as elegant she migth appear in the air or when she’s doing her monkey stuff, for some reason she is the opposite *rose vc* on the ground. also that’s probably the reason teh circus owner stopped the stealing shit from ppl thing bcs sora would always accidentally expose them--

- but also here comes my kuroko inspo where ppl actually don’t notice her bcs she makes no noise until she runs into the darkling’s favourite tree or something

- also i love superstitous muses but she’s into tarot cards

- is the worst at judging people’s character. she thinks yeva is a nice person bcs she once did a card reading for her aka (yeva: “this card says grisha suck... i mean it’s not my opinion but that’s what the card says” sora: “cool that was lit, live laugh love

idk but her 

[itwill-comeback]

Some things to note

Alright, so this is my work's blog, a side blog inside a bog, don't mind me. Nickname's Casper or Cas for now. I'm 20, a Capricorn, a decent writer, huge Hozier fan. This is where I'll be putting the stuff that I write as well as on AO3 which to be fair, I'm not as good at using since I just started using it.

About my writing:

I'm an absolute mess of a writer, zero update consistency, sorry. No editor, unless you count Grammarly. I'll probably only ever post my COVT works here and AO3 so there's that.

× I love the COVT just the way it is, but I crave some new things in it. In my writing you'll probably find the following

× Vlad not being bad at like everything, boy needs some skills and hobbies dang it!

× Vlad having motivations and in some way resembling his father when that motivation is what's driving his decisions, don't worry he won't become his old man, but lord outside of physically resembling Tomas he needs to have some of his traits.

× You don't know where we are canonically in my works? Join the club babes. Call it an AU or post-canon if it makes you feel better cause I'm just writing for the fuck of it, and you're in my candy cottage now kids.

× Vlad has ADHD canonically I'm almost certain, so don't be surprised if it's in my works. He's on adderall and Henry reminds him often to take his medication so he's not the Big Forgetful.

× Vlad is willing to flex on people about being the Pravus because he's aware it tricks vampires out and he finds that funny.

× Henry has an Attitude™ and does Not tolerate shit from vampires. Thank those Slayer Genetics.

× Vlad schemes. No context just,, be aware.

× Dorian is ostracized in Elysia, but he's not actually that creepy, people just really don't like that he's powerful and has a penchant for playing the Cheshire Cat. Cryptic soft boi with a grin that claims madness, promise he's just lonely.

× Vlad is far less awkward in my writing, he's clued in to social and psychological influences.

× D'Ablo has gotten a fucking redemption arc. Will I write it? Unlikely. (I did) But you see in my head canon he's faced off with Tomas and Vikas, and being the incredibly hard to kill bastard that he is, got out of it alive despite their best attempts to be rid of him. Pravus blood will take you so far. He lied low, got bored, came back to Stokerton and basically told Vlad "You're the Pravus, we been knew, want my job back, idc bout u or ur uncle or the Elder Council, like being President tho so tell Otis to scoot." And Vlad was like "yeah sure, Otis wants to go back to being principal anyway & the Elder Council doesn't take up near as much time as the Stokerton Council cause it hardly ever convenes, don't fuck wit me again, my dad's dead btw, oh and Vikas too. Let's just be chill." And that was that.

× Vlad has vampire friends and empathizes with other orphans. Not far fetched. Like at all.

× Vlad has a few jobs, gets that bread... for a college aged kid at least.

× Did I say bread? D'Ablo is rich af. Stunts on everybody in Armani suits and wears Red Bottoms. He's the President of a Council, you know that job pays. Old rich Italian vampire rolls in mad cash and has taste, surprise surprise ?

× Know who else is an old rich Italian vampire? Dorian Ciotti, his family uses stocks and real estate as monopoly money. And you thought they were just a humble family with a small business, jokes on you they haven't been humble for hundreds of years. Dorian is known to travel all the time, where did y'all think he got the money for that? You better believe he spoils Cecile, she's his baby girl. A rich single dad who thinks he might fuck up at any moment, he's doing great at raising her. Your fav could never.

× Elysian Councils are mostly afraid and indignant towards Vlad, but don't worry, he can see through them quite well at this point. (Read: he was raised by Tomas fucking Tod, the king of liars, other vampires don't have shit on him.)

× Elysia is not entirely the Councils, Elysia is a world of vampires full of pocket communities and niche tribes all tied by the same undead thread.

× Otis and Vlad share the issue of having a terrible sweet tooth, and now that Nelly's gone they have to figure out how to bake for themselves. Also blood candy and blood mixed baked goods exist and Vlad is really wanting to try some.

× Vlad has the most powerful weapon against vampires on him at all times now, is curious to find out how it works and what it runs on. Elysia knows he doesn't leave it anywhere, if he's somewhere the Lucius is there with him.

× I will be inventing a few of my own charms (like the tego charm) with latin words so you can always ask Google what the charm does before I tell you. (I.e. Tego = to cloak, to hide. This charm is used to allow the vampire who creates it to have a lock down on any humans they place it near.) Tomas places these around the citizens of Bathory to keep other vampires from reading their minds and discovering his location, he closes their minds in a way.

× Vlad has more complex hidy-holes for his things these days.

× Remember that key in the first book that looked like head of a woman that was described in detail and then left behind and never mentioned again? Remember it. I'm gonna use it. Red herring? Who?

× Henry has not forgotten the time he saved Otis' life. He's gonna call in that favor someday, Otis, you know he will.

× Otis has a lot more faith in Vlad to not act like a child and will treat him like an adult.

× Vlad has a huge crush on somebody. Not saying who.

× Vlad's a big hippie. On god, he loves the earth, hates conflict, and wants to tell D'Ablo about how many slave children worked to create his outfit, but wants to keep their peace more.

× Vlad has at long last, filled out and isn't the lanky child he once was, could throw you through a wall but is probably too nice for that. Probably.

× Vlad and the Pravus are separate entities sharing the same vessel. Pravus isn't a ghost though, he's the Adam of the vampire species and died a long ass time ago and wanted to live again after a while. Much like D'Ablo, he lied low, got bored and wanted his place in the world back. Had to create a new form of life to exist in, created the vessel (Vlad's body), could've gotten rid of Vlad's soul and just worn his body, but kind of ended up adoring him before he was even born and, entranced with the concept of this new existence, decided to share the body with him, which sort of forces him to stay hidden in Vlad's subconscious or divide their body into two bodies. Which he can totally do, but it's kind of a lot of trouble and would hurt Vlad badly so he doesn't bother. He really adores this dumb kid and doesn't want him to be lonely, but that'll present its own issues in its own time.

× Dorian is aware of all of this. Pravus can fix his mind and his cravings for vampire blood, but he can't force this from the two of them because it would kind of fuck Vlad up. Oh you mean that fox in the back of my mind isn't my mental support animal, it's an ancient vampire and kind of absurdly powerful? Cool cool.

× Eddie Poe becomes a bigger problem than ever before! Fun!!

× The Slayer Society becomes a bigger problem than ever before!

× As far as I'm concerned, Em is not being manipulated by D'Ablo in the books, he answers to her, she's autographed bible old, you think he could pull one over on her? Tomas Tod couldn't even manage that. (Canonically I know Vlad insinuates that D'Ablo is holding some power over Em but I just can't see that realistically being true.)

× Em went home to Europe after that Slayer cleanse nonsense, she's still President of her Council, but she is no longer on the Council of Elders. Kind of in hiding because she suspects Vlad's about to take over the entire world.

× D'Ablo's cult is still a thing, they send Vlad gifts sometimes. Sometimes it's a dead bird, sometimes it's an envelope full of cash. D'Ablo doesn't care either way what they give him, Vlad prays it's not a dead animal every time tho soo.

× Remember how Mellina was never said to have any family? Turns out her family were just religious nutcases and promptly disowned her (and her child) upon finding out she was having a child out of wedlock.

× Vlad is in touch with the Tod clan in Scotland cause he wanted to get in touch with some part of his family and prove to himself that his dad's side isn't all bad, they kind of give him Evil Dad War Flashbacks™, but they're good people. A few are vampires and they think Vlad's a cool kid.

× There's always gonna be magic in my writing, don't worry though, I'm not gonna make Vlad OP.