#anyway. time for justice league action! very exciting!

[t4tails]

aaaand i finished teen titans go season 4! that was mostly painless, actually. like there were definitely some bad episodes but it was mostly front loaded with them and the 2nd half was pretty alright. zero leg fetish eps. i consider that a huge win. very very glad to be done though, ttg is like... barely dc and i miss at least semi-serious writing lol

best episodes: movie night, the gold standard, orangins, BL4Z3, classic titans, tv knight 2, justice leagues next top talent idol star, the academy, the self-indulgent 200th episode spectacular, flashback, mo' money mo' problems, and tv knight 3 :)

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #647

Top Ten Superhero Cartoons

It’s been a good year for animated series based on mainstream superhero comics. Well, I say that; it’ll probably have been a good year by the end of the year. Why? Well, because X-Men ’97 came out of nowhere in the Spring and totally blew everyone away. Do you… Remember It?

Sorry, too soon.

Also, next month – in fact, next week– Batman: Caped Crusader launches on Prime Video, a 30s-set noir-drenched take on ol’ pointy-ears, presided over by Bruce Timm. He should do alright, because thirty years ago he tried to make a Batman cartoon and it was only flippin’ the best thing ever made, ever. So expectation are slightly high.

Anyway, all this exciting animated action has got me thinking about superhero series past and present. Because one thing that’s been true since, oooh, at least the 1960s is that comic books translate very well to the animated medium. Maybe it’s the bright colours; maybe it’s the tendency towards melodramatic narrative; maybe it’s because it’s easier to draw a giant purple-helmeted man trying to eat a planet than it is to actually realise it in live-action.

This list, therefore, represents my favourite animated series that are based on an existing superhero property. And I'm going to say right out the gate that all of them are mainstream; they’re all Marvel and DC series. The Tick was just bubbling under, but frankly I’ve never loved any non-Big-Two animated superhero show. I have not, I will confess, watched Invincible; rightly or wrongly I just don’t think it’d be my cup of tea, for the same reason I’ve never watched The Boys: I just don’t like nihilistic superhero stories. Or, for that matter, particularly violent ones. Maybe that’s just me. I’m often reminded of Grant Morrison saying they never really got on with X-Men because they didn’t like the fact that the characters argued; despite that, Morrison wrote some pretty damn good X-Men stories.

Another thing I had to have a mental chat with myself about was whether the Fleischer Superman series could be counted on this list; and I decided that yes it could. That was a series of cartoons; yes they were released theatrically, but nobody really had TVs in the 1940s. I feel like they were a product of their time and the medium available to deliver an adaptation; just like how the Spider-Man or Incredible Hulk animated series from the sixties reflect their era, or the nineties “Saturday morning cartoon” animations reflect theirs, or even how the likes of streaming-first series such as What If...?, Invincible, or Caped Crusader can be seen to reflect the here and now. Also it lets me have Batmand and Superman as number one and number two, just as all things should be.

Oh, and Turtles... I dunno. I just don’t think of it as a “superhero” show, even though there’s very little difference between an episode of TMNT, an Avengers, a Justice League, or even something like Transformers: Earthspark. So no Turtles. Sorry.

Batman: The Animated Series (1992-97): just a flat-out masterpiece; from writing to design to casting, every single aspect is brilliant. A mature handling of the character but still fun and exciting for kids (I know; I was there). Arguably the only show on this list that is generally regarded as the best all-round interpretation of a character.

Superman (1941-43): okay, so it’s a series of shorts released cinematically; but what shorts. Absolutely beautiful, some truly astounding pieces of Golden Age animation, telling stories that just feel so archetypically Superman; the visual of him punching a laser beam back to its source is an iconic emblem of the character.

Teen Titans Go! (from 2013): surprisingly divisive in its irreverent treatment of its characters, this is the greatest superhero parody of all time. Wild, weird, anarchic, the supremely meta fourth-wall-breaking jokes come at an extreme rate; the gags run the gamut from random DC ephemera to Hollywood references to entire plots about the Illuminati. “Bonkers” doesn’t come close.

X-Men ‘97 (from 2024): returning to a series thirty years after its original run, there’s absolutely no reason for this to be so good. Taking the themes of the original but giving them both a complexity and a maturity not allowed by a kids’ show in the nineties, this excels in all areas; some episodes will be remembered for decades. Exceptional.

Justice League and Justice League Unlimited (2001-06): almost feels a cheat to include the variety of spin-offs and semi-sequels from Batman: TAS; the “DC Animated Universe” was an early and successful shared universe. These two conjoined series really just get these characters, delving deep into DC lore to give us great stories and even better character work. Some of my favourite DC moments are from this show.

Harley Quinn (from 2019): I’m not a fan of “adult” animation; I tend to find it edgy and try-hard. Somehow Harley wins me over; it’s probably a combination of a surprisingly nuanced take on the character, some amusing yet respectful twists on DC characters, and a very good gag rate. It really is very funny; it earns a place just for Bane alone.

Spider-Man (1967-70): no, I’m not just including this because you could strongly argue that the theme tune is the most iconic thing any of these shows have ever produced; but that is true. No, this is both a great example of its era, and also just a fun interpretation of the character; it nails his voice and his humour and does a good interpretation of Romita’s art style.

Teen Titans (2003-06): although the insanity and inanity of TTG vaults the original, it still should be lauded for its fresh take on the genre. Heavily influenced by anime – including a fantastic J-Pop theme tune – it was, for its time, suitably wacky and funny, and did a great job conveying the familial nature of the comic book Titans.

Spider-Man (1994-98): the two great Marvel animations of the nineties were Spidey and X-Men, and it’s hard to split the two. But this is the one I think I loved most at the time; its huge multi-part epics were great, and it really went to some superb comic-y places. Introduced me to so much of Spidey lore, and also did a multiverse team-up thirty years before Spider-Verse.

DC Super Hero Girls (2019-22): this earns bonus points for its connection to the Super Best Friends Forever shorts, also a production of showrunner Lauren Faust; the characterisation, the art style, and the general tone is indicative of most of her work (especially My Little Pony). An upbeat, friendship-focused female-led show, it has great interpretations of the characters, it looks lovely, and it’s very funny. More of this sort of thing, please.

[sungbeam]

don't worry beam i had to SCROLL scroll just to get to our last convo LMAO 😭😭

i'm so glad u loved bpwf b/c it was also one of my faves of phase 4 too❗️ i feel u honestly i also resonated w/ the themes of grief (if u need anything... i'm here!) 🫂🫂 the action was amazing, the many different tributes to chadwick made me shed tears, & namor was an incredible antagonist w/ a really cool introduction imo!! so excited to see more of him in the mcu 🫡 next up, quantumania!

& i should really get into the dc animated shows b/c the scenes i've & the way they draw the characters... they look absolutely immaculate 😩 why do i i always go for the 2d, fictional, or generally unobtainable men WHYYYY?!?!?!

(ps... any way that u write this batfam au is still gonna be ABSOLUTE GOLD b/c well it's u!!! in beam we trust to write the most amazing show stopping superhero aus 🙌)

- the one & only xnonie

LOL ITS OKAY CUZ ME TOO 😭😭😭 searching tumblr tags just never work for some reason 💀

ahhh yes i loved it very much and it makes me feel fuzzy to know u also resonate w the grief themes :') know that if u need someone to talk to or anything at all, i'm here for u as well <3 i actually recommended it to my irl bsf bc she and i have both gone thru a lot of the same things so i knew that it would resonate w her as well >< anyways yes ! i thought namor was a great villain :0 i really like marvel villains and how their purpose/motives r very,,, human? like there's a reason why they're the way they r

NEXT UP QUANTUMANIAAAA !!! I WATCHED THE LATEST TRAILER RELEASE AND GADAMN???? it's so cool i have so much respect for the antman universe and character like someone give PAUL RUDD AN OSCAR RN

AHAHHAHAHA it's okay literally ME w 2d and 3d and ,, 4d men,,,,,,,,, just men ._. but yes !! if u ever have the time, i think the movie series surrounds the justice league and i think they're pretty well done! i also loved young justice skcnkenf can't remember if we talked abt that lmaooo

(AHHH OMG STOP SKFBDJND ur feeding my ego stop 😔😔 i really should get those superhero aus out pronto! i only have the xmen angel hannie au up rn i think 🤡 will get on that at some point istg)

[dilfbatman]

dil ik ur in ur kpop era but if i wanted to get into dc where would i start i don’t trust what the men online are telling me

AUR FIRST OF ALL I’M SO EXCITED FOR YOU TO GET INTO DC!!!!! it has one of my top two dilf’s of all time in it <3 (bruce & toji heyyyyyy) and MFNFNFNFNND kpop era i fear bts have a hold on me that’s stronger than anything i felt before… ANYWAYS

honestly the way i got into dc at first wasn’t through comics but actually tv shows & movies! “young justice”, “justice league action”, “lego batman”, “under the red hood” were some of the first few pieces of media i consumed of dc and they were actually pretty decent! i found myself getting really into them and wanting to know more!

& this is where i really got into fanart & edits & ultimately COMICS! i found masterlists of some of my fav dc characters that people have made which give comics in order + best comics to read! i’ll link some at the end of this for some of my fav characters but i do wanna warn you that for me PERSONALLY comics don’t hit like mangas do so if you’re used to mangas, comics can be a bit :/ either cause of the writing, pacing, terrible storylines & retcons but i digress bc some of them are still fun & cute! ALSO READ COMICS ON readcomiconline.to! it’s a free site and has ALL your fav characters & their comics <3

if you find yourself really getting into a character i recommend finding reading lists bc they are the EASIEST & most comprehensive way of learning abt your favs! for ex: “jason todd reading list”, “dick grayson reading list”, “supersons reading list”, “batfam reading list” & batman… batman is a special one bc his lore is SO extensive dear LORD 😭 i like dan mora’s urban legends run, jorge jimenez had a cute run w supersons, & there’s apparently a WEBTOON of bat family! i haven’t read it bc i got into anime/kpop but my moots really love it!

here’s a comprehensive masterlist of many dc characters: https://comraderecs.tumblr.com/post/18865609991/dc-comic-recommendations

- jason todd (MY HOLY GRAIL): https://dailyjasontodd.tumblr.com/comics

- dick grayson: https://dickgreyson.tumblr.com/post/181828849357/this-list-is-by-no-means-extensive-or-exhaustive

- damian wayne: https://yicruz48.tumblr.com/post/622909569337819136/it-was-a-genuine-question-i-havent-read-a-lot-of

- supersons: https://wonderstrevors.tumblr.com/post/179575583272/the-super-sons-is-the-name-of-the-duo-conformed-by

- batfamily (really comprehensive!): https://hood-ex.tumblr.com/post/172730736323/how-does-one-get-in-to-the-nightwingbatkids

- conner kent: https://stephbrown.tumblr.com/post/175552866201/the-death-and-return-of-superman-1992-1993

- duke thomas: https://batfamilydaily.tumblr.com/post/167779386458/who-is-he-duke-thomas-is-a-vigilante-and-a-member

- bruce wayne: ok so. for bruce specifically since his lore is so incredibly huge dating back decades it’s intimidating to get started for him but if you want you could totally start from the beginning but i found myself just reading from whatever posts i found interesting on @why-i-love-comics (for ex: ghostmaker & batman comic, tomasi’s run, jorge jimenez’s run, dan mora’s urban legends run etc…) also this reading list is really decent so here you go as well! https://uncannycarrot.tumblr.com/post/655621762721136640/so-i-recently-got-back-into-the-batman-fandom

this is gonna sound silly but at the end of the day you get into dc & comics themselves bc they’re FUN! <3 while i personally have many gripes w dc i also loved it so much & still do! at the core of batman & the whole batfam there IS genuine love & a genuine want for family! they’re good people wanting to do good things for the betterment of the world no matter what their moral code is - i love them a lot they’re very dear 2 me! <333 i Hope you have fun reading/watching and if you have any questions PLEASE feel free to ask! :D

(also if you ever want bts/manga recs you know where 2 find me <3 a heehee a giggle) gonna add bts gifs just cause i want to hehe love you mwah

[socially-anxious-wizard]

Justice League Action, Constantine breakdown:

So in this post I mentioned a breakdown of a scene that works really well for John Constantine’s character in Justice League Action. Let’s break it down shall we?  

summary for this Episode: While Stargirl is babysitting a child called Timmy. Klarion, the Witch boy, infiltrates the house and pretends to be Timmy to get a magical book (The Magdalene Grimoire) from the kid's father. Once he has the book he reveals himself as the Witch Boy and Stargirl calls Batman for help. Batman brings along John Constantine. I’ll be breaking this down with screenshots but full scene here!

We start off great by John immediately being mistaken for a hobo, keeping true to the fact that John is really just a guy in a coat. That’s nothing really that interesting about his appearance: 

Batman then introduces Constantine as a specialist to Stargirl. When Stargirl, Batman, John go to confront Klarion he puts up a magical barrier. 

John immediately goes to investigate, Testing the barrier and already trying to think of something to counter it. (Also it’s very in character for John to just touch something magical without knowing what it does yet, Consequences be damned.) 

Right here is perfect, The slow and calculated steps forwards the barrier. The wide and curious eyes. You can see the cogs turning in his head and it’s perfect. Then you see his expression change into a cocky smile:

Just the arrogant way he casts this spell is great, And the fact he just pulled it out of his never fucking ending coat lmao. Unfortunately the spell doesn't work and Klarion hits back by opening a portal fulling the room with water: 

The Witch Boy is excited by the new magic within the book and closes that portal to open a new one, Leading to this glorious bit: 

JUST,,,,IT’S PERFECT! It’s just so John fucking Constantine. John sees a portal open to Hell and his first thought is let’s fucking flirt with some Demons. True Bicon. The Witch Boy is so done with him. The pure offended expression on Constantine’s face, Mwah 10/10. 

Anyways: John retaliates with another spell, Fuelled by how salty he is that he can’t flirt with the Demon gals:

But of course, This spell fails as well:

So of course, John Constantine master of the Dark Arts: 

Rams a sofa into the occult being fuelled magical shield. Because he’s a professional™

But on to the main reason I wanted to do this long post, On the other side of the shield is of course the Witch Boy but also the kid, Timmy that Stargirl (In her real identity) was babysitting.  He has been hiding because Klarion tricked him into thinking that they were playing hide and seek:

Now the context that makes this next bit so interesting is that John is canonically a victim of child abuse and canonically fond of children. 

John is the only one to reaction and it’s a look of pure “You just fucked up.”

John in a moment that simply says “I’m done fucking around, Time to end this kerfuffle.” and he breaks the barrier. Batman runs at Klarion and in a panic Klarion opens a new portal and vines/tentacles grab Batman and John...Nope I’m not making that joke. 

Stargirl gets the book from Klarion, Frees Batman and John and throws the book to John. Klarion becomes enraged and blasts Batman with fire. Klarion then says:

John isn’t stupid, He knows when he can’t win so he falls back on any advantage he has over his enemy and in this case he couldn’t win with magic alone so he uses his physical strength (Something not really expected from a hardcore magic user.) 

The Episode ends with Batman offering John a lift: 

AND HE JUST WALKS IN AND THE PORTAL CLOSES BEHIND HIM. 

But my point is that people are so insecure that they’ll say over and over again that  Constantine has to be really dark and grim and I’m like yeah, Constantine from day one has been a very depressing character and that can be interesting if handled correctly but honestly I just want something fun. Let this character grow into something better then the shitty insecure comic stories  attached to him. 

So yeah, I’ve not slept and this is my shitty self-indulgent breakdown of why Justice League Action has stronger characterisation of Constantine then his own Comics at times. 

[mochegato]

Capturing a Dream

Chapter 11 – That Keeps Out the Danger

Chapter 1     Chapter 10

“How are we supposed to eat?  We’re going to starve.  You’re leaving us to starve.  To wither away into nothingness.”  Wally collapsed dramatically onto the kitchen island.

“Oh my God, drama queen.  You don’t even live here.  Go home and eat.”  Chimera threw a kitchen towel in his face.  He grabbed the towel as it hit him and fell back off of the barstool in an exaggerated drop, crying out as he fell.

“Yeah, Wally.  You don’t even go here,” Robin grinned reaching to grab the cupcake left unguarded on his plate.  He grumbled when Wally was able to get back up, get onto the barstool, and swipe it back again before he could take a bite.  Chimera giggled at the reference until Robin turned his mischievous grin on her.  Her giggles quickly quieted and her expression turned apprehensive.  “And we don’t want to interrupt Chi’s date.”

Chimera rolled her eyes.  Robin and Wally had been teasing her relentlessly since they found out she was going to be out of the Cave for the weekend and wouldn’t give them any details.  They made the completely logical leap to claiming it was a date with Roy.  She honestly wasn’t sure if it was intended to annoy her or Conner more, or more likely both.  She was positive Robin’s ultimate goal in life was to antagonize every member of the Team and the Justice League with one comment, like the annoying, teenage menace he was.  Honestly, she liked seeing it; a glimpse of normalcy in his life.  But, that didn’t mean she appreciated it when it was turned on her.

“Yeah, you sure you won’t tell us where you two are going?” Wally teased, his words obscured by the bite of cupcake still in his mouth. “Roy won’t tell us anything.”

Chimera gave him a flat look.  “Roy’s in India this week.”

“Ah, so that’s where you’re going.  Guess portals have their advantages,” Wally snickered, waggling his eyebrows at her.

“Funny how she knew exactly what his plans were for this weekend, don’t you think, Conner,” Robin commented in exaggerated innocence, laying his arm on Conner’s shoulder.

Chimera’s mouth dropped, scandalized by the accusation. “You’re the one that told me.”

“I have no recollection of that conversation…” he answered seriously.  He looked at the floor and shook his head, his hand stroking his chin in thought. “Actually, I do.”  The grin he shot her was nothing short of terrifying. He leaned across the island to get in her face.  “You asked me where Roy was going to be.  You were very insistent,” he grinned, pushing into her face.

“I hate you.  And if I had to ask you, that means I didn’t ask him, dork,” she pointed out, shoving Robin’s head away.  

“Hey!” He cried out.  “My hair!”  He automatically reached up to fix his hair.

Chimera raised an eyebrow at him, a feral grin spreading across her face.  “Oh no. No, no, no.  Chi…” he warned, moving off the chair and backing slowly away from her. Once he got to the door, he took off running at full speed.  Conner and Wally watched as Robin jumped the railing to drop down to the floor below. Chimera raced after him, jumping the railing with just as much grace as Robin.  They could just hear their footsteps as they ran and accidentally collided with different objects.  

“Really hope they don’t accidentally destroy anything,” Conner observed casually, swiping his own cupcake and taking a bite, “…again.”  He smiled at the sound of Chimera and Robin’s laughter echoing off the walls.

“If they do, it won’t be accidental,” Wally noted as he stuffed his fourth cupcake in his mouth, glaring at Conner for taking one of the cupcakes Chimera had made for everyone.  He turned sharply back toward where the two had run off to when they heard a loud yelp and even louder cackle.  He shook his head and leaned back, waiting for Robin’s walk of shame back into the kitchen.  He never outraced Chimera.  She always caught him.  He wasn’t sure why Robin even tried instead of just accepting his fate.

It only took a minute for Robin to slope back into the room and slouch back into his chair, pouting the entire way.  He tried to subtly fix his now extremely ruffled hair. Chimera was only a few steps behind him, trying incredibly unsuccessfully to hold in her giggles.  

“I hope your date sucks,” Robin grumbled into the floor.

“Not a date,” she singsonged and booped him on the nose.

“Hope Roy feels that way too,” Wally smirked, but his eyes were on Conner with an amused gleam at his scowl.  Conner took a deep cleansing breath.  He knew they were just teasing, but he really didn’t appreciate the joke.  

Chimera pulled at Robin’s hoodie pocket, looking in it with a furrowed brow.  “What are you doing?” Robin demanded, slapping her hands away.

“I’m looking for the brain call you two share. Someone has to have it,” she shrugged. “I figured it was your turn with it today.”  

“I have it today, thank you very much!” Wally objected around the mouthful of his fifth cupcake.

Chimera stared at him blankly for a few seconds. Robin rolled his eyes and slumped against the island.  “Idiot.”

Chimera shook her head.  “I can’t believe they’re letting you guys go out unchaperoned,” she muttered

Robin scoffed.  “I’m from Gotham.  And I do this,” he motioned around them.  “I can take care of myself.”

“I’m from Gotham,” Chimera mocked him in a poor imitation of his voice.  “Being from Gotham doesn’t automatically give you better judgement than people from other places.”

Robin glowered at her, but before he could retort she continued in a softer tone.  “I know you can take care of yourself and you’re responsible… on missions.  But this isn’t a mission and you’re a kid. You should get to be one, which means making stupid decisions that adults try to talk you out of and they,” she motioned toward Wally and Conner, “don’t count.  They’re more childish than you.”

“Hey,” Wally objected again.  He narrowed his eyes at her.  “Roy’s never going to kiss you if you keep being so mean.”

Chimera rolled her eyes.  “I’m meeting my best friends.”

“Wow, already introducing him to the family. You and Roy are really moving quickly,” Robin quipped.

Chimera groaned and looked to the ceiling for patience. “You are such a little dick.”

Robin froze momentarily.  Conner looked down to hide his grin, but there was no hiding his chuckles.  Wally, however, was laughing so hard he was bent over holding his stomach, his body shaking with laughter so violently, he almost fell off his chair.  Chimera gave him a concerned look, but Robin glared at him. After a few minutes of unbroken laughter, he finally tamed his laughter enough to pat Robin on the head and gasp out, “You really are… such a little Dick.”  Robin lunged for him but he sped out of his reach before he could make contact.

Conner shook his head and focused back on Chimera.  “Can you say where you guys are going?  Or will that compromise your identity?”

Chimera cocked her head to the side in thought before quickly shaking her head.  “I don’t think so.  We’re going to Metropolis.  My best friend wants a tour of the Daily Planet… and to try to meet Clark Kent or Lois Lane.”

Wally perked up.  “You don’t say.”

Chimera grimaced.  “Yeah.  She’s a huge fan of them.  She desperately wants to meet them.”

The boys started laughing at her.  Robin finally spoke up with a devilish grin. “You know, you could make that happen.”

Chimera threw her arms out in defeat.  “I know!  But not without compromising my identity.  And even if I could, how would that even work?  Hey Supes, totally unrelated to me or my identity in any way, could you meet with this person I absolutely do not know on a very personal level for many years? Ugh.  This is going to be awkward as hell.  I’m going to be on his home turf… where he works… his territory.  I’m going to have to pretend I don’t know him and didn’t go all Electro on him.”

Conner smiled at her catastrophizing.  “He likes you.  You remember that, right?  And at the time, he was the bad guy so, if anything, you went all Storm on him.”  He chuckled at the deadpan look she gave him. “If it makes you feel better, he’s off-world today and tomorrow.”

Chimera perked up with a hopeful grin. “Really?”  Conner nodded.  She bounced on her toes in excitement.  

The action was so adorable on her Conner couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up.  “Yes,” he reassured her.

Her smile suddenly turned into a wary look. “Are you sure?  How do you know?”

Conner moved closer and rested his hands on her shoulders.  “I talked to him.  We’re trying to make time to hang out so we can get closer.  So incredibly awkward but… anyway.  He said he couldn’t do anything this weekend because he’ll be off-world.”

She gave him a sympathetic smile and moved under his arms to give him a hug.  She lessened the pressure and rested her head on his chest, keeping her arms around him. He returned the gesture, wrapping his arms around her as well.  “I’m glad to hear that.  Not the he’s not here part, the he’s trying part… well, actually, both parts.  I’m not going to lie.  I’m really happy he won’t be there when I am.  But I’m sad you guys can’t hang out this weekend.”

Conner smiled into her hair.  “It’s okay.  There’ll be other weekends.  At least I know he isn’t trying to avoid me this time.  It just means we get to have a boy’s weekend instead.”  His expression turned concerned and he pulled back just enough to try to look her in the eyes.  “Are you sure you’re going to be okay though?  Last time you hung out with your friends it… you didn’t exactly come home happy.”

She smiled up at him.  “Yeah.  I’ll be fine. I’m excited.  It’s going to be a lot of fun.”  She gave him an extra squeeze before starting to pull away.  “I won’t be in P… home,” she quickly corrected herself, “this time, so it should be good.”

Conner pulled her back into a tight hug.  “Okay, well… if you need us, I’m only one call away… or you know just show up wherever we are,” he whispered.

She craned her neck so she could rest her chin on his chest and look at him with a smile.  “Portals have their advantages.”  

“You two are disgusting!  Get a room,” Wally groaned dramatically.  He threw the towel Chimera had thrown at him earlier back at her. Chimera squeaked and jumped away from Conner, while Conner caught it before it could reach her.  “You’re going to make Roy jealous if you keep it up.”  Conner sent Wally a vicious glare that Wally completely ignored.

“Right.  On that note…”  She reached down for her bag but rolled her eyes at Robin when she saw he’d already grabbed it.  “I’m stronger than you.  You know that, right?”

“Yeah, don’t care,” Robin shrugged.  “Wouldn’t want to disappoint Agent A with bad manners.”

She snorted and shook her head.  “Sounds incredibly sexist, but whatever.  Unless you’re planning on doing the same for them,” she motioned to Conner and Wally.  Robin furrowed his brow at her, but kept his grip on her bag.  “Then it isn’t manners, it’s sexism.”

He narrowed his eyes at her.  “I’m going to tell A you said that.”

“Go ahead, I’ll own it,” she shrugged.  “And he’ll agree with me.”  She turned toward Wally and Conner with a small wave.  “Okay, you guys have fun.  Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Conner scoffed.  “That doesn’t narrow it down much.”  He grinned at her when she let out an offended scoff.

“Don’t worry, we won’t accidentally destroy anything. Can you say the same?” Wally grinned.

“I don’t destroy everything I touch,” she groused, “just almost everything,” she muttered the last bit to the floor with a frown.  She quickly recovered and looked back up at him with an exaggerated smile.  “But, with the three of you going out unsupervised, I highly doubt something isn’t going to end up destroyed intentionally.”  She narrowed her eyes challengingly at Wally.  “In fact, I bet my trip is less destructive than yours.”  

Wally sat up and grinned back at her.  “Oh, you’re on.  Two dozen cupcakes every day for a week if I win.  My choice of flavors.”  

“And no eating any food I make for a week if I win,” she smirked back at him.

“You know, there’s more than just you two in on this bet,” Conner reminded them.

“Oh?  And what is it you want from Chimera when we win?” Robin asked with a devious smirk.

Conner glared darkly at him, but his cheeks turned a bright red.  “I get to choose what we watch for a week.”

Chimera groaned and dropped her head.  “Nooooo.”

“Backing out?” he grinned, raising a challenging eyebrow and moving closer to tower over her.

“Never,” she scoffed.  “Just trying to imagine a full week of exclusively Conner-chosen programming.”  She pretended to shudder.  “The horror.”

He grinned down at her and took a step closer again until he was almost chest to chest with her.  “Better not lose then.”

Chimera matched his grin and straightened up. “Oh I don’t intend to.  There’s no way you guys will be able to stop yourselves from getting involved in any and every drama you walk in on.  By the way, getting into a fight counts, even if you don’t destroy any property.”

The moment was broken when Robin spoke up. “I want chocolate macarons.”

Chimera shook her head and gave a sweet smile to Conner as she made her way to the door.  She bumped Robin’s shoulder as she passed him.  “Dream on, Bird Boy.”

Wally watched her leave the room with Robin and turned to Conner.  “Whatever happens this weekend, we absolutely cannot allow anything to get destroyed because of us.  Agreed?”

Conner nodded.  “Agreed.”

Robin watched Chimera closely as they walked. She was quieter than usual. Normally she’d still be trash talking with him about the bet.  She was extremely competitive and her personality flourished when there was a challenge.  But now, she had a carefully crafted neutral expression on her face that he would have absolutely bought if he didn’t know her better.  “You sure you’re okay?” he asked.

She smiled at him.  A fake smile that he didn’t buy for a second.  “Of course.  You just heard me tell Conner, it’ll be fine.”  She looked back forward quickly.

“Are you upset about us teasing you about Roy?”

She huffed out a laugh.  “No.  It’s fine. Honestly, less teasing than my friends back home would do.  I’m tough. I can take it.”

Robin looked back toward the kitchen.  “I don’t know that Conner feels the same way,” he said carefully.

Chimera eyed him suspiciously.  “Robin…”  She pursed her lips and took a breath.  “Then maybe you should stop doing it around him.”

“Maybe you should put him out of his misery, and yours,” Robin snapped back a bit harsher than he meant.

“Robin, you know I can’t,” she shook her head and looked down.

“I just want to… you two just seem so… are you sure?” he tried again.

“Robin…” she repeated, but her voice was considerably sadder this time.  She pursed her lips and looked back forlornly toward where Conner and Wally were waiting for Robin.  She let out a deep sigh that became a boom sound and expanded her fingers out, miming an explosion.  “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Does it really matter if you’re officially together or not when things like that,” he motioned toward the kitchen, “happen so often?  You guys are… you’re perfect for each other.  You make each other happy.  I can’t believe you’re not meant to be together.”

“Yes, it does,” she answered sharply.  “It matters.  That’s what I’ve learned.  That’s what the universe taught me.”

He took a deep breath to prepare himself for this. He’d been working on what to say for a few weeks.  Just the right way to phrase it so it hit right, so she thought it was a matter of helping him, not herself.  Because that was her weakness, if you could call it that; protecting the people she loved, whatever the cost to her.  “I just… the result of being a hero can’t be to be miserable.  I need to believe that you can still be happy, that I can be happy, but between you and Batman...”

“Of course you can be happy,” she jumped in instantly, just as Robin had been hoping she would.  “You and Zatanna are happy now.  And even if that doesn’t last, you know you still can be.  And Batman…” she grimaced unsure how to sell a happy Batman.  “Wally! He and Artemis are adorable.”

“Oh come on.  Wally’s going to mess that up, you know him,” Robin scoffed.

Chimera rolled her eyes.  “And Artemis will knock him back into shape.  You know her. No, I think they’re in it for the long haul.  ‘Til death do them part.”

Robin shook his head.  He needed to focus it back to her and him.  “I need to know that someone like you gets to be happy too, or what’s the point?  We’re constantly in terrible situations.  We constantly see miserable things.  That’s a part of our lives… but we can still be happy… right?”  He was laying it on thick.  He knew he was laying it on thick and he knew that if anyone else was doing this other than him, Chimera would have picked up on it all of two seconds into the conversation.  But he needed to get to her, to make her stop and think.  And if that meant manipulating her into it, he’d do it… again.  But she was like a sister to him. She was family.  And when it’s family, it isn’t manipulating, it’s meddling.  And meddling is okay.  Meddling is the way family show they love each other.  

“Being in terrible situations doesn’t mean your personal life has to be too.  But, it’s different for me, Robin.  Things… things get destroyed when I fall in love; buildings, monuments, countries, moons, planets…  The universe made sure I understood my lesson well.  But you!”  She gave him a bright smile and set her hands on his shoulders.  “You have a heart so big.  It could....”

Robin gaped at her.  “You know he was just teasing right?” he interrupted before she could finish her sentence.  “About you destroying stuff everywhere you go.  Chi, you… you don’t… Chi, that isn’t anywhere near the truth.  Terrible things happened, but that isn’t your fault. That’s the situations you were forced into.  It isn’t you!”

Chimera nodded at him and gave him an utterly unconvincing smile.  “Yeah. I know.”  She gave him a quick hug and pulled away almost as quickly.  “You guys have fun, okay?  And if you need anything, just give me a call, okay?” She ruffled his hair again before punching her destination into the Zeta tube interface.  “I’ll get notified even if I’m not transformed.”

“Chi,” Robin started again, but she was already standing in the Zeta tube platform.  There wasn’t enough time to finish that conversation, so instead he answered with, “yeah, okay.  I will.” He continued to stare at the Zeta tube for a few seconds before making his way back to the kitchen.

“Did you tell her?” Conner asked as soon as Robin made it back to the kitchen.

Robin shook his head, still looking back toward the Zeta tube.  Conner nodded at his response.  “That’s probably for the best.  She'd freak out if she knew.  She’d be looking over her shoulder the entire time.”

“Yeah, what are the odds we'd run into them anyway?” Wally grinned.  “Now come on! We need to get going too.  We just need to make sure we go to the Metropolis entrance she didn’t use.”

“Right,” Conner nodded and started walking to the Zeta tubes.  “You got our bags, right Robin?”

<><><><><> 

“And just twenty minutes ago, I was so happy Superman isn’t in town this weekend,” Marinette sighed and banged her head against the wall she was leaning against.

“He’s what!” Alya whisper yelled.  Adrien and Nino shushed her while Chloe scoffed at her. “Go ahead and announce our presence, why don’t you?”  Nino put his hand on Alya’s shoulder to keep her from pouncing on Chloe.

Marinette tried to tune them out as she assessed the scene in front of her.  There were at least three figures on their floor, but there had been at least four more that had taken any people they saw back down to the toy store’s main floor with the rest of the hostages and she spotted a different three coming up as the others were going down.  That was ten, but they had no way to know how many were in the store.  The marionette looking villains were holding everyone they caught in an area that was out of their line of sight.  

“Don’t know if the Bat is covering for him, but he is off-world.  We are likely on our own,” Marinette whispered distractedly.  “Trixx, can you peek at the main area and see how many captors you see and estimate how many victims there are.”  Trixx nodded in understanding and phased through the floor.

“Oh well that’s just brilliant, isn’t it,” Chloe groused.  “This was your idea, Agreste.  I wanted to go to a spa, but noooo.  We had to visit the giant toy store.  ‘It’ll be such a fun end to the visit,’” she groused in a poor imitation of his voice.  “And now we’re in the middle of yet another attack, without magic protection.  And there’s no miracle cure for this.  If anything happens, just know, I blame you.”

“You’re welcome to hide, you know,” Adrien pointed out quietly.

“No, I’m going to help.  I’m just going to complain the entire time,” Chloe groused again.

“So, no different than usual,” Nino nodded, keeping his eyes on the situation in front of him.

Chloe glared at him, but before she could retort Trixx popped back up.  “I counted nine doll-looking guys downstairs, Guardian.  And at least twenty-five people being held by them,” Trixx reported quietly.  

Marinette nodded, silently processing all the information she had.  “Got a plan?” Adrien asked barely above a whisper, keeping his eyes on the main aisle.

Marinette ignored him, running scenarios through her head.  “They’re moving strangely.  Their movements are stunted.  Either they’re not human or someone else is controlling them.”

“Or both,” Adrien added quietly.

“Or both,” Marinette agreed.  “What do you think the odds are that they are… like robotic marionettes?”

Nino nodded along with her train of thought. “I’d say high.  They all walk too oddly to be human and there’s too many to each be remote controlled, so robot seems most likely.”

Marinette gave a single nod.  Her face morphed into a determined look, ready to go into battle. “We can use that against them.”

“Suit up?” Alya asked.  

Marinette’s body tensed at the thought.  Finally after a few seconds, she took a deep breath and let it out.  “Not unless necessary.  There’s an awful lot of cameras around here and I don’t have extra miraculous for you guys. We’re going to have to figure out a way to lure some away from the main group without the others noticing anything. Chloe, think you can work something out?”  She stared at the stairway as she spoke.  

“Can I get someone’s complete attention and manipulate them into doing what I want?  Are you seriously asking me that?” she scoffed.

Marinette rolled her eyes.  “Well then get on it.  It would help if we could find something to fight with.”

Alya cleared her throat lightly.  “Anyone feel like channeling Harley Quinn?” she asked with a smirk, twirling a bat in her hands.  

“Yes!” Adrien whisper yelled.  

“Fine, but I’m not dying my hair though or doing the pigtails,” Chloe grunted.

<><><><><> 

Marinette had always had an appreciation for stuffed cats.  She’d had one on her bed for years before she became Ladybug and after she did, she had an affinity for Chat Noir themed stuffies.  She still had one on her bed in the Cave.  But she can honestly say she has never been as thankful for them as she was right now.

She rolled off the large stuffed cat she had landed on when she tackled the marionette doll, causing both of them to fall over the railing.  Her smartest move?  No. But it was trying to drag an unconscious Chloe away.  She had to stop it and maybe she had some anger issues lately resulting from violently repressing any slightly negative emotions for years, a fact which she was not willing to admit to anyone else currently.

“I’m counting that for me as a save,” Adrien whisper yelled down to her.

“It’s pink,” she called back.  She raised her hand as she spoke, narrowing her eyes toward Adrien.  She grabbed the bat Nino threw to her in one seeming effortless motion without taking her eyes off of Adrien.  She used the momentum from the catch to smoothly swing the bat back up, connecting to the marionette robot’s head.  She didn’t knock it completely off, but she managed to sever enough wires and connections in the neck to make it collapse on the floor. “… that makes it count as mine,” she finished.

“Bullshit,” Adrien pouted.

Marinette smirked at him quickly before her face turned serious.  “How many are left?”

“I think they’re all gone, at least the ones in here,” a voice answered.

Marinette’s head snapped to the familiar voice. “Con… can I assume you took care of a few of them as well?” she winced internally at the extremely awkward transition to cover her gap.

“We got four of them,” Robin confirmed, coming up next to Conner.  Conner kept his focus on Marinette.  There was something incredibly familiar in her eyes, but he couldn’t place it, but whatever it was, he was having a hard time looking away.

Marinette nodded.  “We got six, I think.”  She turned up toward the second level.  “That sound right?”

Nino nodded.  “We each got one and that one makes two for you.”

Marinette nodded in understanding and started reviewing what she knew.  “That’s ten. There were at least twelve.  Are you sure…”

“That’s only five,” Wally interrupted her looking from her friends to her.

Marinette looked back up to her friends and realized the confusion.  “No, we have another friend.  She got knocked out.”

“Where?” Adrien asked.

Marinette gave him a confused look.  “There?”

“What?” Nino asked, coming up next to him.

“There.  It knocked her out right before I tackled it.  That’s why I did it.  She was right next to where I went over,” Marinette explained slowly.

“She’s not up here, M,” Alya said.

“Son of a…” Adrien growled, taking off to look for her. The rest followed suit, running down different aisles to find Chloe.  Marinette ran up the stairs two at a time to help look.  

“Who are we looking for?”  Wally asked.  “I mean what does she look like?”

“Blonde, blue eyes, yellow shirt, pissed off scowl,” Marinette answered over her shoulders, feeling completely confident he would use his powers to search for her.  Her suspicion was confirmed when she felt two rushes of air at her side. She strained her ears and was just barely able to hear him tell Robin that he didn’t find anyone like that. She mentally cursed and started trying to figure out a plan before she even reached the top of the stairs.  

“I didn’t find her,” Adrien announced, walking back toward them.  

“Me either,” Alya and Nino chorused coming from their sections of the store.

“Damn it.  Are you sure there aren’t any more of those robot things in here?” Marinette asked the Team.

Wally nodded.  “We’re positive.”

Marinette nodded and started moving toward the far wall. “Did any of you see an exit up here?”

“Yeah, over there,” Wally motioned toward a back corner.

“You think she was taken?” Conner asked.

Marinette nodded moving quickly toward the exit. “She got knocked out.  Even if she’d woken up, she’d be too weak to leave on her own, especially without notifying one of us.  She knows the protocols.”

“You guys have protocols for going after villains?” Robin asked skeptically.

Alya scoffed at him.  “You don’t?”

Robin blinked at her a few times.  “I’m from Gotham, of course I have protocols for it.”

“You guys should stay and talk to the police. We’ll look for your friend,” Wally promised, giving the other Team members a look of understanding.  Conner and Robin nodded in agreement.

“We’ll go with you,” Marinette stated with finality.

“No, we got it,” Conner stated in the same tone.

She cocked an eyebrow at him.  ���Okay, we’ll go separate.”  She shrugged at him.  She turned back to Nino and Alya.  “Can you listen to the police gossip and do some research, see if you can figure out who might be behind it and let us know along with anything else you find.”

“Will do, L… Dudette,” Nino stuttered.  He grimaced internally at the almost slip up.  “We’ll talk to the police while you go get our girl.”

With her attention on Nino, she missed the Team slipping out the door, though Adrien watched them with a curious look. Marinette turned to Adrien.  “You don’t have to come with us… if you’d rather stay with Alya and Nino.”

Adrien shook his head and gave her a supportive smile. “I’m with you, ‘til the end of the line.”

Marinette gave him a flat look.  “You realize the guy that said that almost died, got his mind wiped and turned into a super assassin, killed Tony Stark’s parents, and tried to kill the person he said it to.  Maybe not the bar to go for.”

Adrien shrugged and let out a noncommittal grunt. “Worked out in the end.  I have complete faith in you.  I always have.”  He gave her a meaningful look.  She gave him a guilty look that he couldn’t allow to continue.  “You want to tell me about…” he motioned to the door where the Team had escaped through, changing the focus of the conversation away from their past and onto her present.

Marinette held her finger up for him to wait and typed out a text she didn’t send.  ‘I’m not allowed to say.’  His eyes widened and he motioned toward the door with his head.  He mouthed ‘really?’  She nodded in confirmation.

“What the hell… Are you sure this is a good idea?” Adrien gave her a dubious look.

She smiled at him.  “I’m not sure, but I’m not going to not get Chloe.  Can you imagine the fallout from that?  Leaving her rescue to someone else?”

Adrien grimaced.  “Valid.”

“And I really want to.  I mean I’m,” she motioned to herself, “and they’re,” she motioned toward the door they had gone through.  “I’ve never gotten to… they’ve never… I don’t know if this will happen again.”

Adrien nodded and gave her an understanding look. “Yeah, I get that.  Okay.  Let’s do this.”

She gave him a wide excited grin, and started bouncing on her toes.  “Yay!” She focused back on her phone and started tapping rapidly.

“You got her?” he asked coming up next to her to look at her screen.

“Just a second.”  She tapped her screen a few more times.  “Got her,” she said tilting her phone to show Adrien.  

Adrien nodded and pulled his phone out.  He pulled up his messaging app and followed her example, typing a text he didn’t send.  ‘You let Batman know?’

Marinette smiled and nodded as she typed a response. ‘Already sent him her phone’s info and who’s looking for her… as civilians.  Wish was a video call.  Know he would have smirked.’

They pushed through the exit, almost running into the Team, who were talking in hushed tones.  Robin tucked his phone in his back pocket.

“I told you before, we got this,” Conner insisted. “The way you took care of that robot before was impressive, but this is likely to get a lot more dangerous.  We can handle it.”

Marinette cocked her head to the side, opening her eyes wide in exaggerated innocence.  “Thank you, but… then it’s dangerous for you too, isn’t it?”  She looked at Robin and Wally and back to him. “I mean we’re all in the same boat here, right?  Experience wise?”  She ignored the coughing fit Adrien faked to cover up his laughter.

Robin spoke up, “I’m from Gotham.  We’re used to villains kidnapping people.  We know how to handle it.”

Adrien raised an eyebrow and shared a look with Marinette.  “And we’re from Paris,” he intoned.  “It was a lifestyle for a few years there.”

Marinette quirked her lip to the side in an amused smirk at the boys’ confused stares.  “Look, it’s our friend who got kidnapped and it’s our drama you’ve walked in on. We’re going.  If you guys are so insistent on getting involved with our drama, we won’t stop you.”  Robin opened his mouth to say something, but before he could get it out, Marinette continued.  “So Gotham, try to keep up, because we’re able to track her,” she held up her phone which showed a map with a dot moving on it.  “…so unless you have a bloodhound in that hoodie pocket, we’re leading the way.” She ruffled his hair as she passed him to get to the stairs.  Was she being a terrible older sister?  No. She was being an amazing older sister, pushing all his buttons.  Isn’t that how all families showed love?  And the best part was he didn’t know to get her back for it.  Free harassment.  What kind of sister would she be if she passed that up?

Robin glared at her and Conner didn’t look much happier, likely upset because it meant they wouldn’t get to use their superpowers, but still followed her down the stairs.  She was right.  They had no way to track their friend without their help.  They would just have to hold off on the superpowers until they got closer and hope they could break off to where the two couldn’t see them rescuing their friend.  Wally however, was grimacing as he brought up the end of the line behind Adrien on the stairs, thinking about the cupcakes he was about to lose.  Maybe if they didn’t cause too much more damage, they could still win.  

“This isn’t the first time we’ve had to rescue Chloe from a villain’s hench… thing.  I swear if I had a nickel for every time she’s gotten kidnapped… I’d only have like fifteen or twenty nickels but still it’s strange that it’s happened that many times.”  Marinette looked back over her shoulder with a smirk, like she was in on a private joke.

Adrien set his mouth and pursed his lips.  He refused to laugh at her comment, no matter how badly he wanted to.  He looked between the guy behind him and the two ahead of him with an overly bright smile. “Hi, I’m Adrien.  If we’re working together, we should probably know each other’s names.”

“Wally,” Wally offered with a chuckle.  Unlike Adrien, he had no issue laughing at her comment.

“Robin,” Robin stated diplomatically, still trying to figure out if her comment was correct.  He’d been the victim of kidnapping attempts multiple times both as Dick and Robin, but he didn’t know why her friend would have been so often.

Conner continued to stare at Marinette mutely, trying to figure her out better.  If he stared long enough, maybe he could place where he’d seen her beautiful eyes before.  Marinette gave him a bright, warm smile.  “Oh,” Marinette paused and turned to look back at them as they all got onto the ground with a bright, warm smile, “Marinette.  My name is Marinette.”

Conner looked away.  Marinette thought she saw his cheeks darken slightly when their eyes met, but that could have easily been the taillights from the car that just parked near them.  “Conner,” he grumbled.

Marinette nodded at him, giving him a sweet smile. “It is really nice to meet you,” she said earnestly, looking at the other Team members, “all of you.”  She took a beat to look at them without a mask and nodded.  “Okay, let’s get going then, before Chloe breaks a nail and we have to hear about it for the next six months,”

“Or you know, someone dies,” Conner argued, following her down the road.

Adrien shook his head behind him.  “I don’t think we have to worry about that.  She won’t kill anyone.”

“Probably… unless they mess with her hair,” Marinette added.

“Most likely,” Adrien agreed with a nod.

Robin gave Wally a confused, questioning look as they followed behind.  Wally returned the look.  Who the hell were these people?

Chapter 12

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[batboyimagines]

Cold-blooded part two [Damian Wayne x Male Reader]

You will want to read the first part of this! And another note, I feel it’s important to say I haven’t actually seen the movie this is loosely based off of? I only know it’s vague plot. So heads up, this will definitely be deviating from that plot!

“So first things first, I’m gonna need supplies for this.” Your dad says.

You, Dad, Robin, and the rest of the Teen Titans have regrouped in the living room. After much planning and replanning, there’s finally a plan.

“I’m going to have to swing by an old flame’s to get some extra muscle for this ritual we’re setting up. It’s not made for a single person to do.”

“My ma?” You ask. Dad makes a constipated look.

“No,” He says, “her name is Zatanna. She’s helped the Justice League before and I’m sure she’d be willing to help them now.”

“Oh, okay.” You say sinking back into the couch, arms crossed. Though you know they’re in danger, you still feel a bit weird about helping them out. It’s a bit ridiculous, only Wonder Woman and Aquaman really have ties to the gods. And Aquaman’s not in any danger, so you don’t have to worry about him.

But you know your Ma, and you know how bitter she is over what they did to her. Which is totally fair. It’s just that you’re not sure how she’d feel about you saving one of the god’s pet projects.

“... and that’s that. So, when do we need to leave?” Your dad finishes. Oh shoot, you spaced.

“It would be best if we went right now.” Nightwing replies. He pushes off the wall and his team follows suit, readying to depart. Your dad turns to you.

“Listen, bud, do you think you’ll be fine holding down the fort while I’m gone?” He asks. You hesitate.

“Uh, actually, I was wonder if... I dunno, I could come along?” Your dad reels a bit.

“Kiddo, this isn’t a safe ‘Bring your kid to work’ deal, this is dangerous. You could get hurt.”

“I know, but I feel weird hanging out here while you’re not around. And I’m a bit worried that some rando could come to the door and I won’t know what to do. Also I’m an all magic half snake being with unknown powers sooo.” 

Your dad thins his lips, looking thoughtful.

“Really, Dad, I’ll be fine. I’ll stick out of the action and whatnot and if I think I’m in any danger I’ll run as far as possible.” You plead. “I’ll have my phone with me? I know how to call now.”

“... alright. But you stay out of trouble.” He relents. You push to your feet with a grin and go to get your coat.

Under your breath, you hiss, “Hell yesss.”

The great thing about living with a magic user is that they have the best modes of transport. In your somewhat short life, you yourself haven’t traveled very much. When your mother is exiled and has no way of getting off her small prison of an island, you tend to not go anywhere. 

Being passed between your Ma and your Pa is a pretty recent development. This is the most traveling you’ve done in your entire life, and the option to go to different places is still a marvel to you. Really, the average person can just walk down a street, hop on a train, and go to an entirely new place, no fuss? What a concept.

An exciting, and sort of terrifying, concept.

“I’ve got a short cut to hers down in that alley,” Your father explains, leading you and the Titans through the empty streets, “though I try not to use it much.”

“Why not?” You ask from his side, shivering a little and shrinking into your coat. Though you’re thankful that early mornings mean that only the occasional jogger is awake, they are unfortunately very cold. And you are part snake. With cold blood.

“We didn’t exactly part on good terms.” 

“Are you sure she’ll help us?” Koriander asks.

“Oh she will, she’s not my biggest fan, but she wouldn’t leave you lot to the wolves just because she doesn’t like me.” He finally comes to a stop in front of the alley. You, more focused on not letting your teeth chatter, bump into his back. 

“This is it right?” You say, muffled into the collar of your coat. Man, you wish you brought a scarf. 

“Sure is.”

The alley is a dead end, entirely ordinary and bland. There’s not even a dumpster shoved against one of its grimy brick walls. 

But your father walks in, as if it leads somewhere, and you and the Titans follow. As you approach the bricked end, you expect your father to do, well, something to open the wall or whatever. But no, he just walks straight through the bricks.

You blink a bit. Since you’ve come to the modern world, you’ve been getting into video games. Shitty, old video games that your Pa bought from a thrift shop in panic before you had arrived for the first time. And your father walking through the bricks sort of reminds you of when you clip through walls.

Even so, you don’t want to be left behind. So even though that looked really weird, you walk through too.

The other side is much darker, and much, much grimier. And the air is stuffier. Your eyes water and you hack a bit.

“You alright there bud?” Your Pa asks in concern, laying a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“The air here sucks!” You wheeze, blinking  tears from your sensitive eyes. 

“I agree.” Robin grumbles from your side. Looks like the Titans made it through fine as well. Your father raises an eyebrow.

“This is your city, isn’t it?” He asks. His city? 

“Just because I protect this wretched place, does not mean I enjoy breathing it’s polluted air.” Robin gripes. Nightwing makes an amused face at that. 

“Whatever,” Pa shrugs, “Zatanna’s down this way.”

Down that way, a quaint, hole in the wall magic shop glows. Back home with Ma, your light sources are either the sun, fire, or a magical doodad that somehow wound up in your possession. So no matter how many times you see light bulbs or neon lights, you don’t think the marvel will ever wear off.

The door rings a cheery jingle as your Pa pushes it open and you hit a wall of hot air when you enter. You revel in its heat. Living with cold blood is such a drag. Sometimes you miss the warm beaches of your mothers prison, though the nights leave warmth to be desired. 

After soaking in the warm air, you take a moment to survey the inside. It’s... a bit cluttered. And dusty. For some reason, magical items are always old and it seems like old things are always a little dirty. 

You brush a finger on one of the wooden tables displaying merchandise, yep, that’s some dusty stuff alright. You stick your tongue out. It smells dusty too. And like books and perfume. Flowery perfume. You hate flowery perfume. You tuck your tongue back in your mouth and grimace. 

It’s one of the worse human inventions. One time Dad came home from what you gathered was some sort of fling, stinking like someone’s nasty perfume. Though you sort of feel guilty for it now, you couldn’t stick around in his presence for more than two minutes. 

“Zatanna! You in?” Your father calls out into the maze of tall shelves. If you’re not imagining it, he’s making his voice just that bit more obnoxious. 

Robin looks at you and catches your eye. He makes a face at your father’s behavior that has you stifling a snort.

“Zataaaaannaaaaaaa, aaaare yoooou heeeeereeee?”

Wow, he’s laying the annoying on thick.

“Zataaaaaa-“

“Yes! Oh my god, I’m here!” A dark haired woman gripes as she appears through the shelves.

“Zatanna! My good friend,” your father grins, “how’ve you been?”

“Great, until you waltzed back into my life.” She says flatly.

“Good, good, anyways,” you zone out at your father says things. 

You’re distracted by the displays of magical items that you’re not totally sure are real. There’s not doubt in your mind that this Zatanna lady is a magic user, she totally is, but would she actually sell magic items? That stuff is no joke, your Ma’s told you plenty of horror stories about magic gone wrong. And you fell asleep in the middle of half of those!

“See something you like?” Oh shoot, she’s talking to you.

“Uhhh,” fuck, how do you respond? Well, there’s nothing catching your eye you guess, “uhm.. no?”

“It’s just that you seem so interested in the display,” she says amusedly gesturing towards the general space you just staring at.

“Well, I was just wondering if any of this stuff is real, cause, magic stuffs... dangerous usually.” 

“I have real items, but I keep those in the back. This stuff is for the common folk.” 

“Oh cool.”

“So,” Zatanna turns back to the others. You take that as a sign to go back to spacing out. 

Heaters are awesome. They’re the best invention of the modern world, in your humble opinion. All the hot air is coming from a vent in the wall next to you. You scooch in front of it. Hot airrr, hell yeahhh. This rocks. You could stand right here for hours.

“C’mon kiddo, we’re off.” 

GOD. DAMN IT.

Dejectedly, you trudge to the open door, where your Pa awaits. Ugh, that chilly breeze is not welcoming. 

[davidmann95]

How about those JL storyboards?

In case you haven’t heard, Zack Snyder is putting on display the ‘storyboards’ - i.e. a rough plot summary accompanied by some Jim Lee sketches - for what would have been Justice League 2 and 3, or as this puts it 2 and ‘2A’. You can see them here (I imagine better-quality versions will soon be released), and read a transcript here. This is evidently a very early version: this was apparently pitched prior to the release of BvS and Justice League being rewritten in the wake of it, with numerous plot details that now don’t line up with what we know about the Snyder Cut, plus it outright mentions it builds on the originally planned versions of the Batman and Flash movies. But it’s a broad outline of what was gonna go down, and while I initially thought it was Snyder throwing in the towel, the timing - paired with the ambiguity left by the necessity for changes, including that this doesn’t factor whatever that “massive cliffhanger” at the end of the Cut is - says to me he’s hoping this’ll be a force multiplier behind efforts to will sequel/s into existence. He’s probably right.

I’ll be discussing spoilers below, but in short: with this Zack Snyder has finally lived up to Alan Moore, in that like Twilight of the Superheroes I wouldn’t believe this was real as opposed to a shockingly on-point parody if not for direct, irrefutable evidence.

Doing some rapid-fire bullet points for this baby to kick us off:

* Folks who know the subject say a lot of this is a yet further continuation of Snyder doing Arthuriana fanfic with the League reskinned over those major players, and I’ll take their word for it.

* I don’t know whether I love or hate that in Justice League 2 the Justice League are only an extant thing for the first scene, and then it’s Snyder giving everybody their own mini-movies. It’s compressing the entire MCU “loosely interconnected solo stories leading to a single big movie later” strategy into a single movie!

*  Funniest line in the whole thing: "Even Lantern has heard of the Kryptonian, worried that he's under the control of Darkseid. He heard his spirit was unbreakable." Hal what fuckin' Superman movie did YOU watch? Second funniest being “IT WILL GIVE HIM POWER OVER ALL LIVING LIFE”

* 90% of the plot I have nothing to say about, it’s generic stage-setting crap. That to be clear is the ‘shocked it’s Snyder’ element, it feels so crassly commercial in a way I can’t believe is coming from the BvS guy.

* Most of what I have to say is unsurprisingly gonna be about a handful of characters but Cyborg’s happy ending being “he isn’t visibly disabled anymore!” is not great!

* The Goddess of War battle with Superman...never pays off? No clue why it’s there.

* What I’d originally heard was that the Codex in Superman’s blood was the last key to the Anti-Life Equation and that’s why Darkseid was coming to Earth. It’s not like all of this wouldn’t have already been averted by Kal-El’s pod smacking into an asteroid on the way to Earth so it’s not as if this makes it any more Superman’s fault, and it would have at least tied all this back to the beginning of the movies, but I suppose that was either fake or from a later draft.

* I have NO idea how this was reimagined without the ‘love triangle’, it’s the central character thing and the entire climax flows directly out of it!

* Darkseid’s kinda a chump in this, huh

Anonymous said: So: Does Zack Snyder hate Superman?

Look: the hilarity of this when Cuck Kent has been a go-to Snyder cult insult towards ‘inferior’ takes on Superman for years cannot be understated, yet at the same time I can almost wrap my brain around where Snyder’s coming from with that as the end for his take on the character. He talked in that Variety piece on how his interest in Superman is informed by having adopted children himself, and Deborah Snyder is the stepmother to his kids by previous relationships, so I can see where he’d be coming from, and I can even imagine how he’d see this as ‘rhyming’ in the sense of “the series begins with Kal-El being adopted by Earth, it ends with him adopting a child of Earth!” In the same way as MARTHA, I can envision how he would put these pieces together in his head thematically without registering or caring what the end result would actually look like. In this case, Superman raising the kid of the man who beat the shit out of him who Batman had with Clark’s wife, who earlier told Bruce she was staying with Clark because he ‘needed her’, suggesting if inadvertently that this really honest to god was a “she’s only staying with Superman out of pity, she really loved Batman more” thing.

But Clark is nothing in this. He’s sad and existential because of coming back from the dead I guess, then he’s corrupted, then time’s undone and he woo-rah rallies the collective armies of the world (interesting angle for the ‘anti-military/anti-establishment’ Superman he’s talked up as) as his big heroic moment in the finale, and then he stops being sad because he’s adopting a kid. So his big much-ballyhooed, extremely necessary five-movie character arc towards truly becoming Superman was:

Sad weird kid -> sad weird kid learns he’s an alien, is still weird and sad, maybe he shouldn’t save people because things could go really wrong? -> his dad is so convinced it could go wrong he lets himself die -> ????? -> Clark is saving people anyway -> learns his origin, gets an inspiring speech about being a bridge between worlds and a costume -> becomes superman (not Superman, that’s later) to save the world, albeit a very property-damagey version, rejects his heritage he just learned about and space dad’s bridge idea -> folks hate him being superman and that sucks though at least he’s got a girlfriend now -> things go so wrong he considers not being superman but his ghost dad reminds him shit always goes wrong so he should be good anyway, which sorta feels like it contradicts his previous advice -> immediate renewed goodness is out the window as he’s blackmailed into having to try and kill a dude but the dude happens to coincidentally have some things in common so they don’t kill each other after all -> big monster now but superman keeps supermaning at it because he loves his girlfriend and he dies -> he’s brought back, wears black which apparently means now he likes Krypton again? -> he has work friends now but he’s still sad because he was dead -> evil now! -> wait nevermind time travel -> rallies the troops -> his wife’s having a kid so he’s not sad anymore -> Superman! Who gives way to more Batman.

Do I think Zack Snyder is lying when he says he likes Superman? No. I think he sincerely finds much of the basic conceits and imagery engaging. But I don’t think he meaningfully gives shit about Clark as a character, just a vessel for Big Iconic Beats he wants to hit. Whereas while for instance he’s critical of Batman as an idea (at least up to a point), he’s much more passionately, directly enamored with him as a presence and personality. So while Superman may be the character whose ostensible myth cycle or arc or however it’s spun might be propelling a lot of events here, it’s a distant appreciation - of course the other guy takes over and subsumes him into his own narrative. Of course Batman is the savior, the past and the future (though if he’s supposed to be Batman’s kid raised by Superman there’s no excuse for him not to be Nightwing), the tragic martyr to our potential. Admittedly the implication here is also that Batman can apparently only REALLY with his whole heart be willing to sacrifice his life to save an innocent, for that matter apparently his great love, once said innocent is a receptacle for his Bat-brood, but he and Clark are both already irredeemable pieces of shit by the end of BvS so it’s not like this even registers by comparison.

Anonymous said: That “plan” Snyder had was utter dogshit. Picture proof that DC & WB hate Superman. Also I love how you’re like Jor-El: Every single idealistic take you had about Snyder, his fandom, and BvS was wrong. Snyder’s an edgy hack, his fanbase just wants to jerk off to their edgy self-insert Batgod as he screams FUCK while mowing people down with machine guns, and the idea that BvS said Superman was better than Bats was completely wrong. You know what comes next SuperMann: Either you die or I do.

In the final analysis, beyond that mother of god is there sure no conceivable excuse for the treatment of Lois in this? The temptation is to join that anon and say as I originally tweeted that these were “built entirely to disabuse every single redemptive reading of the previous work and any notion of these movies as nuanced, artistic, self-reflective, or meaningful”.

...

...

...yeah, okay, that’s mostly right. Zack Snyder’s vision really was the vision of an edgelord idiot with bad ideas who was never going to build up to anything that would reframe it all as a sensible whole. He’s a sincere edgelord genuinely trying really hard with his bad ideas who put some of them together quite cleverly! But they’re fucking bad and the endgame was never anything more than ramping up into smashing the action figures together as big as he could, the political overtones and moral sketchiness of BvS while trying to say something in that movie reverberated through the grand scheme of his pentalogy in no way beyond giving his boys a big sad pit to rise out of so when they kicked ass later it’d rule harder, and all the gods among men questions and horror and trappings were only that: trappings. Apparently he’s really pleasant and well-meaning in person, but at his core his art as embodied in a couple weeks in his 4-hour R-rated Justice League movie meant to be seen in black-and-white all comes down to that time he yelled at someone on Twitter that he couldn’t appreciate Snyder’s work because it’s for grown-ups. He made half-clever, occasionally exciting shit cape movies for a bunch of corny pseudo-intellectual douchebags, folks latching onto and justifying blockbusters that at least acknowledge how horrifying the world is right now even if the superheroes are basically useless in the face of it if not outright part of the problem until a convenient alien invasion shows up to justify them, and a handful of non-asshole smart people who vibe with it but...well. ‘Suckered’ is a harsh word, and definitely doesn’t apply to all of them re: what they’ve gotten out of it up to this point and would (somehow) get out of this. But it doesn’t apply to none of them, either.

[taiblogcomics]

I Can’t Pet Force You To Read This One, But...

Hey there, high school crushes. Well, it's finally here. Can you believe it? Yes, counting from the original Xanga site (which, yes, still counts. It's like our own Golden Age publication or apocryphia), this is our 10th anniversary of reviewing comics. That's fantastic. I'm excited, can't you tell? I can tell, since I'm writing this preamble a good two months before the actual anniverary~

So, last year we reviewed the absolute pile of dreck that is Heroes in Crisis. And while that was worth ripping into, I'd rather not spend the 10th anniversary hating on something. I'd like to do something actually meaningful to me. I've teased about this one for many years, probably for as long as I've been doing this blog, and I think it's time we stopped pussyfooting around and reviewed some Garfield. But not just any Garfield. It's finally time, my friends. This... is Garfield's Pet Force.

I dunno how many people will remember this one. Maybe you recall the direct-to-DVD movie adaptation from 2009, or at least advertising for it. I never saw it, but apparently it differs a bit. They also appeared a few times in those Garfield comics from back in the day. We even reviewed a couple (some were on the Xanga blog). But what we're looking at here are the original novellas published between 1997 and 1999. So yeah, these really are from my childhood. And since I've long espoused that Garfield was always funnier 20 years ago, this must be actual premium Garfield content, yeah? By golly, I hope so, because we got five whole books here today. So we should probably get into them~

Book 1: The Outrageous Origin

This is a classic sort of superhero cover. Standard team shot of poses, and that's fine for a first volume. In fact, that's great. Later editions of this would replace the lightning-filled gradient background with a pure white one, but I have this original version. We'll get to specifics about these characters in the meat of the story, but let's talk about the costumes for a bit. Very classic early-'90s sort of look, before the Dark Age kicked in. Reminds me a lot of Jim Lee's X-Men designs, actually. Making all your characters visually distinct is important in a team book. The heavy lean into secondary colours is unusual for heroic characters, but not unwelcome.

So we actually start with a cold open in the superhero universe. This is pretty much to introduce us to the characters as soon as possible, and thus I'll do the same for you here.

*Garzooka, team leader, super strong, has a razor-sharp claw, and can shoot radioactive hairballs from his mouth. That's... at least a unique power, I don't think anyone on the Justice League can do that~ *Odious, the dumb muscle with the accent on the "dumb". Possibly even stronger than Garzooka, and possessing a "super-stretchy stun tongue", an elastic tongue that can scramble the minds of whoever it adheres to. *Starlena, the team girl. She can fly, and she has a siren song that can put those who hear it into a hypnotic trance. Garzooka is the only one immune to its effects, for reasons that are never explained. *Abnermal, the kid-appeal character. He has ice powers, forcefields, and an ill-defined "pester power" that means he can annoy people on a greater scale than normal folks. It's pretty much only used for comic relief, but that could be a brilliant power in the right hands. *Compooky, the brains of the operation. Other than flight, his powers are limited to super intelligence, which means he's usually the exposition guy. There's probably a reason they left him out of the movie adaptation~

You got all that? Don't worry, we'll introduce you again later in the book. What actually happens in the intro chapter isn't really important, it's just setting up the universe. In fact, it's all taking place within Pet Force #99, a comic just enjoyed by Nermal. Yes, we quickly cut over to the main Garfield universe ("our universe", the narrator calls it), where Pet Force is just a comic book. The Garfield gang is all outside, enjoying a cookout prepared by Jon Arbuckle. Nermal is extremely enthused by his comic book, and brags about how he has all 98 previous issues sealed and polybagged, and this one will soon join them. Sorry, Nermal, this came out in 1997, the speculator boom already went bust~

Garfield dismisses comic books as stupid because you can't eat them or use them as a blanket, and declares that none of the stuff that happens in the comic could possibly happen in real life. Uh oh, irony! Because these things can happen, and do! It's a parallel universe, baby! This might be one of my earliest introductions to a "parallel worlds" concept. Much like Earths 1 and 2 in pre-Crisis DC, the events of the comic are essentially the real life adventures of their super-powered counterparts in another dimension. Most of the action in these stories will take place there~

So here's the setup: Vetvix (the parallel equivalent to Liz the veternarian) is an evil sorceress and scientist, who essentially wants to experiment on animals in peace, and possibly subjugate the universe while she's at it. You could argue that Liz is an odd choice for villain, since our universe's Liz isn't particularly evil. But then, our universe's Garfield isn't particularly heroic either. She operates out of a deadly space station called the Orbiting Clinic of Chaos, and at present she's waiting for the arrival of her henchman, Space Pie-Rat, who is a six-foot-tall anthropomorphic rat dressed in stereotypical pirate getup. Vetvix has just finished inventing a levitation ray, and she'd like Pie-Rat to go out and use it to steal all the food in the universe. Vetvix doesn't think small, is what I'm saying.

The counter to Vetvix is Emperor Jon, ruler of the planet Polyester. He's kind and benevolent, even if he's a little dippy and his fashion sense atrocious. Having gotten wind of Vetvix's latest plan, he contacts Pet Force in their ship, the Lightspeed Lasagna. Upon learning the problem, Pet Force gives chase to Pie-Rat. They eventually corner him on some desolate planet, landing and entering an abandoned factory. Unfortunately, they're not safe amongst the dangerous machinery, because this turns out to be a trap. Vetvix has been busy as hell, because she's also invented a metal that's impervious to their powers. And that's not all, because she's also basically invented the Phantom Zone, where she traps Pet Force forever. It specifically mentions it doesn’t kill them, because it wouldn't be kosher to murder the heroes in a Garfield book~

The Lightspeed Lasagna has both onboard cameras connected to the heroes' belts as well as automatic return protocols, so within two days, Emperor Jon knows exactly what's happened to Pet Force. He needs help, so he calls upon his most trusted and powerful advisor: Binky the Sorceror. Binky's just as loud and obnoxious as in the main universe, but he's also a powerful magician. He conjures up a spell for Emperor Jon that lets him pierce the veil between universes. It's basically Equestria Girls rules: parallel universes have similar characters between them. So to replace Pet Force, they need the nearest genetic equivalents from another universe. And that's the versions of Garfield, Odie, Arlene, Nermal, and Pooky that we know and love~

Back in the main universe, it's another day entirely. Another cookout is taking place, and Nermal has received his special anniversary issue of Pet Force #100. The cover's really special, dripping with '90s cover gimmicks like glow-in-the-dark and embossing. A rarely used one, though, was "portal to another universe". That was pretty expensive to print, so you won't find many comics like Nermal's. Maybe he had something there with the collecting after all. The cover glows, and while Jon is distracted by the grill, Garfield and Friends disappear~

They reappear in Emperor Jon's wood-paneled throne room, now transformed into Pet Force. Emperor Jon and Sorceror Binky try to explain the situation, but Garfield--now Garzooka--is disbelieving of the whole thing. In fact, even the idea that Jon can now hear him talk absolutely floors him. Since he's about to deliver the exposition for everyone, can we talk about Compooky for a minute? This spell has just granted sapience to Garfield's teddy bear. I don't expect deep philosophy from a children's novella, but the ramifications of this are really under-explored. Like, never mind the whole idea of a teddy bear having the same genetic makeup as an alternate universe equivalent. He goes from inanimate object to fully conscious being, and he just rolls with it.

Anyways, once everybody gets caught up on what's going on and accepts the new reality, a training montage ensues so the group can all learn to use their powers without killing each other. Once at least reasonably trained, the reborn Pet Force is sent out to stop Pie-Rat. He's gotten sloppy in the times with Pet Force dead, so they track him down easily. After a brief scuffle where Garzooka takes his eyepatch, Pie-Rat flees in his ship. They follow Pie-Rat back to the Orbital Clinic of Chaos, but they can't go in the front. That led the original Pet Force into a trap. Finding an unguarded maintenance hatch--standard on any big space station--they enter Vetvix's lair for a final confrontation!

After dealing with the Waiting Room of Doom, which slowly fills with outdated magazines, they enter Vetvix's inner sanctum. Frustrated with Pie-Rat's failure, she uses her magic to turn him into an ordinary mouse. Vetvix then attempts to use her same weapon on this new Pet Force, but thanks to story contrivance, it only works on beings born in this universe. As other dimensional visitors already, they can't be banished to another dimension. She then pulls a Dr. Claw and runs off cursing Pet Force's name while her base self-destructs. Vetvix is a very "discard and draw" sort of villain, it seems. Pet Force, of course, makes a harrowing escape just in the nick of time.

Returning to Emperor Jon, they vow to be ready to return whenever they're called on, since evil never stays dormant for long. Odious even gifts Emperor Jon with the mouse-ified Pie-Rat as proof of their victory. Well, I'm glad they remember that, so they didn't accidentally murder a major villain in their first superhero outing. They're returned to their own universe, and the time differential between them places them back with Jon having not had time to even look up from the grill. Garfield begins to doubt the adventure even happened--until that night, when he finds Pie-Rat's eyepatch still on his person. Ah, definitive proof of... eyepatches, I guess~

Book 2: Pie-Rat's Revenge!

You have to wonder where, in a space-faring superhero setting, Pie-Rat got the inspiration for his classic pirate motif. It's a little incongruous is all I'm saying. And hey, remember when I said earlier that Garzooka's purple-and-green colour scheme was odd for a hero? Well, here he is as a villain! That'll catch your eye. This would be a terrific comic cover, which is what you want in a series like this.

The book opens with a brief recap of the previous story's events, then moves into the new plot. See, Emperor Jon has opted to keep the polymorphed Pie-Rat as his pet. How very Ron Weasley of him. That's pretty apt, actually, because similarly Pie-Rat has maintained his intelligence in his new mousey form. Pie-Rat gets sick of being Emperor Jon's pet and plans a daring escape, exploiting the emperor's dimwitted and loving personality against him. Pie-Rat jams the lock with a food pellet and makes his escape that night.

Once free from his cage, he encounters Binky's cauldron, still left in the throne room from when the sorceror summoned Pet Force from Garfield's universe. Figuring he has nothing to lose, Pie-Rat jumps in the leftover brew. Suddenly he finds himself growing. He returns to his original anthropomorphic state--but with a twist. He's now twice his original height, a staggering twelve feet tall. He scoops up the rest of the remaining potion for later, and sneaks out of the palace as best as a 12-foot rat can sneak. Desiring revenge on both his former employer and his longtime foes, he steals Pet Force's ship and makes his escape from the planet, headed for Vetvix's newest base.

After his guards help Emperor Jon put the pieces of the problem together, they decide they must once again call upon the powers of Pet Force to recover their missing vehicle and stop the newly embiggened Pie-Rat. Fortunately, Garfield and friends have been watching movies all weekend, so Jon doesn't notice when his pets disappear from the living room in a bright flash. Of course, once returned to the alternate universe and the situation explained, they still have a problem: how do they give chase to Pie-Rat when he's got their ship?

And speaking of Pie-Rat in their ship, he's followed the trail of a mysterious energy output, and it's led him right to Vetvix's new base, the Menacing Moon of Mayhem. See, this is why you don't blow up your base: the backup base is never as good. if it was, it wouldn't be the backup. Given that it's such a shoddy base, Pie-Rat is easily able to get inside and get close to Vetvix. She's expecting a technological attack, so she's unprepared when he pulls out that vial of magic potion and sprinkles her with it. And naturally, the potion that made him grow 12 feet tall makes Vetvix shrink to 5 inches. It's magic, we don't have to explain it!

Pie-Rat takes the magic crystal that Vetvix uses to fuel her powers, which of course didn't shrink because magic is just bullshit. See previous paragraph's last sentence. And while Pie-Rat takes over the base and begins plotting a further revenge against Pet Force, we cut over to them. They're at Sorceror Binky's own castle, and it's clear he's a bit of a hoarder. This is to their advantage, though, as they eventually piece together a working spaceship out of old car parts and other things, all patched together between Compooky's know-how and Binky's magic. This seems like the sort of book where I could use that "it's magic" quote every other paragraph. But craft a new--if small--ship they do, and speed off in the newly christened Planetary Pizza.

The rickety little ship does eventually find its way to Pie-Rat's base, saving him the trouble of being proactive as a villain. The magic thing keeps happening, and Pie-Rat basically becomes Discord for a bit while he fights them, doing things like turning Starlena's siren song into actual living music notes. One by one, the members of Pet Force are taken out, with only Garzooka is left. He and Pie-Rat struggle, while Pie-Rat tries to aim the magic crystal at Garzooka. Garzooka uses his claw to rip the crystal from Pie-Rat and defeat him.

Unfortunately, here's where the cover comes in. It seems the moments Pie-Rat was focusing the crystal during the struggle affected Garzooka's mind. He puts the crystal around his own neck. which turns him evil. He helps Pie-Rat to his feet, and the pair escape in the Lightspeed Lasagna. While Pet Force pursues them in their ramshackle ship, the new criminal duo strikes the storage planet of Deli to steal their food. Pet Force manages to catch up as the villains celebrate their spoils, and use a magic blast from the systems Binky installed to short out the Lightspeed Lasagna. This enables them to dock with the ship and climb aboard for a contfrontation.

The group fights, and once again the bearer of a bullshit magic crystal subdues the heroes easily. Annoyed now, Garzooka takes hold of Starlena and prepares to kill her or something. She taps into the one thing she has left: she's not fighting just Garzooka, but Garfield in his body. She drops some heavy put-downs, which resonate with Garfield, and he hesitates long enough for her to cut the crystal off him. The crystal hits the floor and shatters, undoing its evil magics on Garzooka's mind as well as on all his teammates. With Pet Force reunited, Pie-Rat is easily subdued and locked up.

The group waits for the ship to power back up, then speed off to apologise to the planet Deli. Following that, they head back towards Vetvix's moonbase. That night, though, the magic that was making Pie-Rat 12 feet tall wears off, and he escapes from his cell. He steals the remaining shards of the crystal, climbs into the Planetary Pizza, and makes a getaway. As a bonus, he also repeats the power-down spell against the bigger ship, giving him ample time to escape. And he's not the only one. Over on the Menacing Moon of Mayhem, Vetvix also returns to her proper size, and abandons this base as well. And when Pet Force fails to find her, they simply return to their own universe, ready to be called on once again in the future~

Book 3: K-Niner: Dog of Doom!

Another very basic comic book-style cover. K-Niner is a much more typical villain in style. This one's actually a wrap-around, and features the rest of Pet Force reacting to K-Niner on the back cover. Which is good because, other than the first cover, the covers all have a heavy Garzooka focus. Which makes sense for a book series, I suppose, you wanna assure the kiddos that Garfield's gonna be in the book. But as a comic book series, this would be a bad look for a team book~

So after our standard introduction and recap, we start off with Vetvix in yet another new base, the Floating Fortress of Fear. I'm sure it's very intimidating, if she can keep hold of it for more than a single book. She's picking up from the epilogue and putting the last touches on K-Niner, mostly enhancing his intelligence. Now, you look at the cover and tell me what kind of voice you'd expect. Some sort of German or Austrian accent, like the doberman on Road Rovers? Does anyone remember Road Rovers~? Anyways, but no: he speaks with a posh British accent. You know, the "I say, good chaps, looks like we're in a bit of a sticky wicket, eh wot?" type. Trust me, you can tell. But just because he sounds refined doesn't mean he's not evil.

I also love that after the initial "trapped them in the Phantom Zone" bit, the villains just go whole ham. K-Niner here demonstrates that he is indeed evil by threatening to rip out Vetvix's throat. Let your villains be villainous is all I'm saying. She's pleased he's so vicious, but feels he needs to learn his place as well. She force-chokes him until he complies. She then gives him his assignment: she thinks dogs should be liberated. The Boy Mayor of Second Life would approve, and so does K-Niner. Turning pets on their masters is just his style.

K-Niner takes a portable evolution gun, and immediately sets off. He begins on the planet Kennel. Isn't it neat how every planet is named after an English word that describes its function? K-Niner quickly takes over the dog population and turns them against their masters, because boosting their intelligence also makes them evil, of course. They use enslavement collars on their former owners, and within a few days, the dogs now run the planet. We cut over to Emperor Jon on Polyester, where a man has crash-landed a ship. He's an escapee from Kennel, and he's here to report the events so we can get the plot moving and once more summon Pet Force!

And summoned once more they are, Garfield and Friends once more conveniently disappearing in a split second while Jon's back is turned (this time they're outside playing volleyball). And once back in the parallel universe, Emperor Jon fills them all in on K-Niner's dastardly doings. Garzooka, naturally, takes great offense to dogs being in charge, and takes his duties as a hero completely seriously for once. Pet Force takes off for a confrontation with K-Niner in the Lightspeed Lasagna. And speaking of Pet Force's ships...

The Planetary Pizza, piloted by Pie-Rat, plants its pads down on polar planet Glacia. Pie-Rat is here seeking a way to restore his magic crystal and regain his mighty magic powers. He's sought out the home of a legendary evil wizard, who's known by the name of... Barfo. I see why Barfo keeps his location a secret. But anyway, Barfo is the one who made the crystal, so naturally Pie-Rat reasons he can restore it as well. Suprisingly once on Glacia, Barfo's evil lair is pretty easy to find. His manservant, Hobart the Gnome, brings Pie-Rat before the wizard, and within moments the crystal is restored! Pie-Rat turns to thank Hobart, but Hobart suddenly turns into Vetvix!

Yes, Vetvix knew all along that Pie-Rat's quest would lead him here. And as she was once Barfo's student in the ways of evil magic, she knew she could get the old coot to go along with her plan. Barfo returns the crystal to Vetvix, restoring her powers. And so Pie-Rat, a recurring villain in three whole books, is unceremoniously done away with, as Vetvix teleports him inside an asteroid, trapping him in solid rock. Even if the asteroid were hollow or he displaced the interior when he teleported in, no doubt he'll suffocate within moments. That's pretty harsh.

With that over, we rejoin Pet Force as they approach Kennel. K-Niner's battle cruiser spots them incoming, and shoots the ship down, even in spite of Abnermal's forcefields. Pet Force bail out of the ship, and Abnermal uses his powers to make snow to cushion their fall. Upon landing, a contingent of mutant animals attack. The mooks aren't much, but K-Niner himself puts up an impressive fight. However, one of the mooks pulls a gun and points it at Compooky. This is why Compooky usually stays aboard the ship, but that wasn't an option. Rather than let their friend get hurt, Pet Force surrenders.

Pet Force is held prisoner separately from Compooky, with both the cell's technology making it freeze-proof and threats of "don't break out, or we'll shoot your compatriot". Their imprisonment is not long, though, as suddenly the power goes out. Pet Force takes advantage of the situation and make their escape, quickly running into Compooky. K-Niner didn't think the hyper-intelligent teddy bear needed a high security cell, and just locked him in the basement. It was easy for him to then break out and shut down the local power grid. This also has the side effect of turning off the control collars the humans were wearing. How convenient!

With control of the planet now tilted in their favour, Pet Force now has time to both fix their ship and reverse the polarity of the brain-boosting weapons, turning the dog population of Kennel back to their normal selves. Though the experience did change the pet owners of Kennel. Having experienced life in their pets' shoes (so to speak) for a bit, they've resolved to treat their canine companions a bit more equally. More being allowed on the furniture, less stupid tricks for treats. Still, Pet Force can't stay long, and they head off in pursuit of K-Niner's battle cruiser. This is why most superheroes don't have spaceships (Jedis don't count): if your enemy also has one, they can flee way more easily than on foot.

Not willing to let another place go to the dogs, as it were, Pet Force catches up with K-Niner. With his previous success, Vetvix has stepped up the timetable and sent him after Polyester right away. Emperor Jon is in danger! They enter the planet's atmosphere, and are attacked by fighter craft. They fend them off, but their weapons system is damaged in the fight, so they can't simply use the reverse brain-rays and solve it quickly. The team splits up instead: Garzooka and Abnermal will go after K-Niner, while the other three will find the planet's power source and knock out the collars, since that worked so well the last time.

The two heroes quickly make short work of K-Niner's guards, and then turn the battle to deal with the Dog of Doom himself. While the struggle goes on, the rest of Pet Force reach the planet's power grid. Using a clever tactic, Compooky overloads the power and causes and electrical storm that simultaneously undoes the brain-boosting effect and shorts out the enslavement collars. There's only a few pages left, after all, and we have to wrap this up.  K-Niner is reverted back into an ordinary dog, and the emperor is reverted to an ordinary non-enslaved person. The day is saved!

And now once again, Pet Force prepares to return to their own universe. However... when the spell clears, the five heroes are still standing there. Something is blocking the passage between dimensions, and Pet Force is trapped. And while Pet Force's adventures have taken place between mere moments in their own universe, they have always returned quickly enough that Jon didn't notice a thing. But this time, as Jon retrieves the volleyball and turns around to his pets, he's surprised to find they've all vanished into thin air...

Book 4: Menace of the Mutanator

This one's very striking because of its more painted look compared to the heavy black outlines the rest of the covers have. Does this one count as having the whole team on the cover? Because, spoilers, that's what the Mutanator is: the rest of Pet Force mashed up into a villain. Again, though, that's definitely a striking image that'd draw in readers to a comic cover. In fact, while Garzooka may be over-used as a cover focus, several of these also show him imperiled in some way, and that's nice for character stuff. That helps balace it a bit~

I wanna say, before we start, that I'm impressed by the continuity for the series as a whole. They could've just written each story as a standalone, but for a series of 100-page children's novellas starring Garfield characters as superheroes, things happen in these books. Like, maybe not sweeping status quo changes, but events affect the plot of each next book down the line. And that's where we pick up! Right where the last book left off, with Pet Force now stuck in the alternate universe, unable to return home to Jon. But if they can't go home to Jon, well, maybe then events will conspire to bring Jon to them~

Yep, because Jon happens to wander into the room where they keep the copy of Pet Force #100 that acts as a portal to their universe, he gets transported into the Pet Force universe. And since Emperor Jon is still an extant entity, there's just two Jons now. Jon, of course, is a bit freaked out, and it takes several pages to explain the whole deal to him, and also have a showcase of all their powers to pad out the book some more. Eventually, they decide to call in Sorceror Binky to examine the problem. When he has a go of it, a sudden tornado emerges from the cauldron and whisks away Pet Force--save for Garzooka, whose prodigious strength keeps him anchored.

Garzooka heads out in the Lightspeed Lasagna to track Pet Force's signature, glad to get away from a double trouble Jon. And while he's searching, the scene cuts to Vetvix's Floating Fortress of Fear. Hey, one of her bases actually lasted more than one book! This is where Pet Force has been transported to, once more in a power-proof cell. Vetvix monologues to the heroes, as she is wont to do, explaining that she's the one who cast the spell to keep them from returning home. And further, she's brought them here to mutate them into her servants.

While Emperor Jon exposits about his backstory (turns out he is not of royal blood, and has about as much legitimate claim to the throne as you or I do), the search continues. Sorceror Binky detects Pet Force, giving them all a view of what happens next. The trapped members of Pet Force are literally broken apart and reassembled: Odious' body, Compooky's brain inserted into the chest, Abnermal's hands, and Starlena's head. She christens this beast "Mutanator", and it is soullessly obedient. I also wanna say, Mutanator's kind of a non-binary icon, aren't they? (The comic uses "it", but it was 1998 and alternative pronouns weren't really a thing yet.) Muscular, masculine body, but confident enough to still wear lipstick. It's a look, is all I'm saying~

Mutanator continues to possess the combined powers of Pet Force as well. Vetvix sends them to attack the planet Armory to gear up before attempting to conquer Polyester. And meanwhile, thanks to the convenience of being able to scan all of Compooky's memories now that his brain is part of Mutanator, Vetvix has the perfect trap to spring on Garzooka--or should she say Garfield. Yes, she really knows the whole origin for Pet Force now, and now she knows all Garfield's weaknesses, likes and dislikes, and probably blood type and other dating profile stats~

Thus, when Garzooka receives the coordinates from Emperor Jon and arrives at the Floating Fortress, he finds himself menaced by giant spiders. Vetvix couldn't think of a way to get Mondays to attack him, so the Giant Spider Invasion will do. Spiders are apparently very formiddable foes, Garzooka's personal fears aside. They can swat gamma hairballs out of the air, they can construct webs as quickly as certain Marvel heroes, and their hairy exoskeletons are resistant to both claw and strength. But despite his fear and Abnermal's running commentary, Garzooka manages to trounce the spiders with a carefully applied flame--taking Vetvix's blueprints with them.

Garzooka heads out once again to track down the Mutanator, leaving his less-than-all-together friends in the safety of their forcefield prison. While he's off, we return to the perspective of his target. Using their combined powers, the Mutanator swiftly conquers the planet Armory and sets their sights on Polyester next. It's not a bad plan, honestly. With the stockpile from Armory, not only will the Mutanator be more powerful, Polyester won't be able to use the planet for backup. Fortunately for the two Jons, though, Garzooka intercepts the Mutanator before they can leave Armory.

The fight's actually pretty good. Very back and forth. But even despite Garzooka's great strength, the Mutanator wins in the end. Thankfully, Vetvix puts her conquest of Polyester on hold to take the time to retrieve Garzooka and add his power to the Mutanator. This, of course will be her undoing--in a completely ridiculous way, of course. For back in the palace, our universe's Jon is watching Pet Force's struggles with the scrying cauldron. And he leans in a bit too close. Sowhile Vetvix is prepping the machine to divide Garzooka's body like she did the rest of Pet Force, Jon suddenly tumbles through the dimensional warp caused by the cauldron and lands on Vetvix, which causes her to put the machine in reverse. A real Jonnus ex cauldrona there, eh?

The Mutanator disappears, their existance as a unique being wiped out as their pieces return to their proper Pet Force owners. With Pet Force reassembled, Garzooka takes out Vetvix with one of his gamma-radiated hairballs while she's distracted by Jon. Pet Force decides that the vile veternarian should have a taste of her own medicine, and stick her in the body-splicing machine with some of her guards. This divides them all up and mixes them into bizarre combinations. It also has the side effect of disabling Vetvix's magic, so they can return to their own universe now.

The book wraps up here. Pet Force first returns to Armory to both return the stolen weapons and also make repairs on the buildings that were damaged in Garzooka's fight with the Mutanator. That's the sort of thing I'd like to see in more superhero stories in general. The two Jons part ways, with the Emperor believing the other Jon's heroism to have been deliberate. And thus are Garfield and friends returned home. And just like the end of their first adventure, where Garfield couldn't be sure if it really happened, so too is Jon's memory fading. Had he really witnessed all that? Only his pets know for sure--and in this universe, they can't talk~

Book 5: Attack of the Lethal Lizards

This one's another wrap-around, showing the rest of Pet Force engaging the remaining Lethal Lizards on the back cover. This is one advantage books have over comics: a front and back cover you can use for your story-telling. The Lizard designs are pretty good for a villain group too. Like Pet Force, they don't adhere to a particular theme, but they do look good individually. Garzooka roasting a hot dog on a stick might be a bit too comedic for a superhero story, though. It sets the tone wrong. How "lethal" can they possibly be if Garzooka is out here roasting hot dogs in the middle of battle?

So here we go, last book. After the usual recap, we open with Jon explaining to Garfield and friends his latest plans: they're going to WackyWorld, a theme park dedicated to Jon's favourite cartoon, The Wackies. Both Garfield and Nermal think the show is lame, and if those two agree on something, you know it must be so. In less lame universes, however, trouble is once more a-brewing. So it turns out Vetvix's Floating Fortress of Fear has been orbiting the swamp planet Reptilius this whole time. And her various experiments in the last two books have been radiating the planet in magical energy...

From that magical power, three reptiles find themselves uplifted in intelligence and granted fantastic powers. Please say hello to our three main villains for this book: Snake, an enormous snake (the only one without an anthro design) with stretching powers; Chameleon, who can shapeshift; and Dragon, a komodo dragon with fire breath and the bad attitude to match. While Snake and Chameleon figure out their powers, Dragon declares himself the leader as he's clearly the smartest, strongest, and most powerful. They name themselves the Lethal Lizards and start plotting how to rule the planet.

After that exciting intro, though, the book kind of slows down. First we get a whole chapter of Emperor Jon also deciding to go on vacation, to planet Funlandia. With Vetvix out of commission for a while, there's no better time. In short, he's out of the castle and Sorceror Binky is in charge. This is followed by a chapter of Jon and his pets at WackyWorld. It's certainly an accommodating amusement park to allow pets on its grounds. Garfield at least gets along with the food, but if you know anything about amusement park food prices, the amount Garfield eats will make your wallet weep. Jon takes his mind off it by dragging the pets along to a ride. Surely they have to be under the height restriction~

Fortunately, we get back to the actual stars of this book, and we see a bit more of their dynamic. Snake is the sort who sucks up to whoever's calling themselves "Boss" at the moment. Dragon is power-hungry, and it's clear he'll sell out his allies at the drop of a hat. Chameleon is Starscream. Anyway, they trek through the jungles of Reptilius until they find a downed spaceship. Reviewing the logs reveals it was a scout ship from Vetvix, and they also learn of Vetvix and her mission. However, they don't know where Emperor Jon lives, so they crowd into the the newly christened Rapacious Reptile and set course for the stars.

The first planet they come across is a world called Klod. Quickly the Lethal Lizards beat up the populace and find the local government. Chameleon shapeshifts into a dignitary, pretending to be an advance entourage for Emperor Jon, schmoozing with the governor until he learns both what Jon looks like and the name of his planet. With this information secure, Chameleon nips out suddenly, and the trio sets forth towards Polyester. Governer Klutz calls up the palace as soon as the reptiles depart, and reports the incident to Sorceror Binky.

Binky wastes no time, and he dials up Pet Force. Since all five are in one place, he's able to pull them through even without them being near the gateway through issue #100's cover. Convenient! Pet Force, however, does waste time, as a lengthy comedy scene eats up several pages before we just get on with it. Eventually, the situation is conveyed, and they figure it's safer to keep Emperor Jon on Funlandia for the time being. Compooky stays behind to help plan some strategies, while the rest of Pet Force boards the Lightspeed Lasagna to intercept the Lethal Lizards before they even arrive.

Pet Force spends the next few minutes both scanning for incoming ships and bickering with each other, so I'm very glad when the Rapacious Reptile appears on their detectors before too long. Dragon threatens the ship, telling them to move or he'll knock them aside. It's a spaceship, dude, you can move in three dimensions. The ships trade shots, and while Chameleon's piloting is actually pretty good due to his independently-rotating eyeballs, eventually both ships crash land on whatever planet is nearby.

Both ships crash right next to each other, which is improbable but less ridiculous than some of the contrivances in these books, so I'm okay with it. Now you'd think what with the enemies being reptiles and Abnermal having freezing powers that this battle would be over really easily, but no. In fact, Garzooka and Dragon are pretty evenly matched. Snake turns out to be immune to Starlena's siren song because snakes don't have external ears. See, now there's a contrivance I find a bit weird. Snake swallows Abnermal whole, and Chameleon and Odious get literally tongue-tied. The Lethal Lizards actually live up to their name pretty well.

As the fight continues, half of both sides are laid out when Compooky comes rushing up, saying he has an urgent message from the emperor. And that's when he sucker-punches the team. It was actually Chameleon in disguise, having gotten knocked away when he and Odious separated. So yeah, round one goes to the Lizards, and they make their escape first. Pet Force regroups, and they give chase. The Lizards have enough head start to really lay siege to Polyester before Pet Force arrives, though. They even get access to the palace using Chameleon's shapeshifting, leading to Sorceror Binky letting slip the real location of the emperor just as Pet Force arrives.

Another fight ensues--see, now it's really a superhero story--and the Lizards leave again 2 and 0. This time Snake uses his venomous fangs to attack Starlena. This leads to the weirdest contrivance yet. Maybe not the worst, but definitely the weirdest. They have only minutes to save Starlena. So how do they do it? Well, they notice that Odious drools quite a lot. It's very "fluid output". So they have Binky magically reverse Odious' drooling, so that he has "fluid input" on his tongue instead. It becomes a big suction sponge and sucks the poison out of Starlena. They then restore the drooling, and he just harmlessly drools out the poison. What.

With their teammate saved, Pet Force pursues the Lethal Lizards to Funlandia. They get there just in time to rescue Emperor Jon from their clutches, with Garzooka and Odious combining their strength to literally rip a kiddie ride out of the ground. Starlena corners Chameleon in a hall of mirrors, turning his own trick against him. Snake is undone by Odious' strength. And Garzooka fights Dragon to a standstill, finally trapping all three on a roller coaster still operating. When the ride comes to an end, Abnermal freezes them all until the authorities can retrieve them.

Naturally, Emperor Jon thinks it's all part of the show (because Jon is dimwitted in any universe). The Lizards are sent to a lizard-proof prison (seriously, it specifies this), and Pet Force returns to their own universe. As usual, Jon didn't notice his pets go missing during the dark amusement park ride. The book concludes on an ominous note, however, as the ship carrying the Lethal Lizards makes its jump to lightspeed just as it passes the Floating Fortress of Fear. The shockwave knocks over some debris that reactivates the combining machine, restoring Vetvix to her full evil might once more!

The end!

No, really. Those five books are all there was. I hear it may have continued into the comics, but I don’t know how accurate that is. I didn’t really look into it.

But boy, what a ride, huh? Let’s dissect the books one at a time, since it only seems fair to take them as individual stories.

The Outrageous Origin: It’s a fairly basic origin story, I’d say. It kind of has to be. I guess my main gripe is that, like Rita Repulsa’s entire run on Power Rangers, the heroes never fight the main villain directly. In fact, there’s barely even an evil plot in this one. You have henchmen and some traps, and that’s about it for the menace.

Pie-Rat’s Revenge: A cautionary tale about why you treat your minions with respect. This one’s pretty good, but the events depicted on the cover make up such a small part of the book. Wouldn’t it have been more fun if Garzooka was turned at the beginning of the story? Book 4 would at least do the reverse of that, so it’s not a major complaint~

K-Niner, Dog of Doom: I think this one’s about as middle of the road as you can get. What a coincidence that it’s also the middle of the series! Like I said in the recap portion, it’s a shame that Pie-Rat’s story ended here. This one definitely feels more “villain of the week” than most.

Menace of the Mutanator: This one might be the best book in the series. Garzooka, alone, battling against the best parts of his team? That’s gripping stuff. I guess the main problem is that the Mutanator isn’t really a character in and of themselves. Like, K-Niner, he may have been a generic rent-a-villain type, but he had a personality. Mutanator is little more than an extention of Vetvix’s will.

Attack of the Lethal Lizards: I’m a bit split on this one. The bits with the titular Lizards are great. They steal the show! But the parts where it focuses on either Jon kind of drag, and Pet Force is a bit too jokey here. Like, I get the point is that they’ve relaxed into their roles now, and there’s not much point of doing it as a Garfield story if they don’t actually use the character personalities, but... I dunno. It’s good, but it could have been better~

And that’s it! Like, I dunno how to wrap this up. Pet Force was neither my first exposure to superheroes nor my first introduction to the Garfield brand (you can thank Saturday morning cartoons for both of those). But for some reason, maybe just the absurdly goofy premise, it always kinda stuck with me. And I think that’s a good enough reason to make it my 10th anniversary review, don’t you~?

[themadauthorshatter]

A lot of you seem to really like that Swap AU for Red Queen, so...

Time for a Part 2!!!!!

Like with Glass Sword, we start with Mare and crew on a train, Shade next to her while the rest their rifles aimed at Maven, who sits resolutely.

Kilorn is especially pissed because he doesn't trust the crown prince's younger brother, nor even when the bastard almost got all of them killed. Twice.

Maven snips that he was at fault for the second time, but Kilorn's stupider than he already is, if he thinks Maven palnned for Ptolemus to survive and come came to hunt them all down.

Mare barks at Maven to shut up, but Kilorn is more direct, punching the traitor prince in the nose.

Before he can do more, Farley calls him off, telling him he can kick Maven's ass later, when they're not on the train.

Reluctantly, Kilorn backs off and leaves Maven to wipe his nose off.

Mare, in an effort to diffuse the tension, asks where they're all going, anyway.

Shade and Farley glance at each other, then to Maven, before Shade explains they're on their way to Tuck.

Both Mare and Maven are confused, but there's no time for questions because they get attacked, as in their train gets derailed and is crushed like a tin can, chasing everyone outside.

ACTION TIME!!!!!!

Everyone hightails it out as they and the rest of the team with them fight off Silver forces. Their main goal is to get to what looks like a cliffside; Farley points to it and shouts they run there.

Mare notices the sudden lack of Maven, but shakes it off; he can either die or catch up somehow, it's every man for himself right now.

Mare does well in fending for herself, like before, but that stops when she's found and surrounded by a huge number of Silvers who are not afraid to rittle her with bullets, if she does anything.

The only reason they ARE afraid is because their General gave them a very strict order to not shoot unless he says so.

And this General is Cal, who instantly notices that Maven is missing and asks Mare where he is.

Mare challenges him, wondering if he's planning on shooting his brother himself, if she gives him up.

Cal snaps, asking if she's really defending someone who betrayed her, after lying to her for so long.

Mare still doesn't reveal that Maven ran, and instead growls that if Cal's trying to bring her back, it won't work, because she's not getting her family killed with her.

And she sure as hell isn't trusting the person who screwed her over in the first place.

Those words put a hole in Cal's chest and he turns to whoever is his second in command.

"Open fire."

The poor bastard doesn't get a chance to do anything because Mare brings the plane(I think it's a Snap Dragon?) down, and blue flames fly out and drive away most of the Silvers.

Turns out Maven didn't run far at all, and instead gestures for Mare to run for the cliffside, which she does.

Mare and Maven cover themselves and each other, even as Cal says, 'fuck it,' and gives chase, the boys engage in a firefight from a distance.

Before things can get serious, Mare and Maven make it the cliffside and jump, Cal shouting that they can't run or hide forever. They will be found, and they will pay for their crimes, one way or another, regardless of their rank or the color of their blood. Even if Cal has to be the one to find them and execute them, they will face justice.

Mare and Maven find themselves in the submarine like before and Maven is made to stick around because no one wants to go looking for him, should he decide to run off and get lost.

It's here that Maven expresses that if Cal's hunting them, then they're all on borrowed time, 'them' being him, Mare, the Scarlet Guard, and any Newbloods Elara bothered to remember.

While he gets patched up, Shade asks why that's such a big deal, seeing as how they managed to get away.

Maven makes it clear: Cal does not know how to sit still. He's a hunter, a GOOD hunter. He'll solve problems with action, not words. He has an entire legion at his command, too, and both Samos children on his side.

And Cal can't think for himself to save his life. Most of his decisions come from someone else.

And guess who decided that Mare, Maven, and the Guard need to be erased?

It paints a clear picture for everyone, and Farley asks Mare to think about the Newbloods and try to remember any specific names, or pick out someone they need to pick up before leaving.

Mare doesn't have too long to think because they arrive at Tuck.

It's raining and pouring, but the group still gets to the surface, where Mare reunites with Bree. (Hooray!)

And Maven is captured by the Colonel.

Unlike before, there is and isn't a rush to find the Newbloods, there is because Elara and Tibe can pull the names of on a computer, print a list, and have them all killed, but there isn't because they need to look through the blood base to find the names, which will probably take a while because no Silver ever pays a Red any mind.

Mare still wants to go and talks Shade, Farley, Kilorn into helping, but also stipulates that she needs to bring Maven with, because he knows the most as a Silver she doesn't trust him in his own(Sure, good cover).

They're agaunst the idea, but Kilorn caves and helps her get Maven out.

Speaking of Maven, what's he been doing? Simple. Trying to find a way out without going inside. Elara's in his head and he can't get her to leave.

He's been in his cell for a few days, but has been more cooperative than Cal, turning his back to eat, not beating his knuckles bloody, and even trying to rearrange so he doesn't absolutely lose it.

He's chilling against the wall when Mare and Kilorn come in, and he's so excited to see BOTH of them for a change.

Neither really notice how the acrylic is scuffed up.

At least until Kilorn throws Mare in and locks them both inside of the cell.

They're left anger and unhappy and, after some back and forth, Mare asks what Maven about Tuck.

He admits he doesn't know much; geography was more up Cal's league, but Mare doesn't have Cal with her, she has Maven, and he apologizes for not being what or who she wants.

Mare doesn't respond and they remain silent for up to a few days.

In one of those days, Maven has a really bad phantom Elara headache, and from all the stress of what's happened.

While they sit across from each other, Mare against one wall and Maven against the other, Maven cluthes his head and screams until he runs out of breath, which he catches before screaming again.

Mare, out of curiosity and having similar feelings, after realizing what she said to Cal and how she's in over her head, joins him.

It feels good to get it out, so she keeps going.

Both scream until they're sick of it and sit back against the wall, sitting side by side.

They're met up by the Colonel, who comments in both the layout of the room and literally screaming matching before cutting to the trace.

The crown prince made an offer they can't refuse: one of the traitors for the removal of the measures as a whole. It doesn't matter which one, they just need one of them alive, and the Colonel wants to keep Mare around, for the sake of the 'Newbloods' Julien told her about.

Maven, not exactly buying it, asks why they only need ONE of them when both would be more valuable.

The Colonel warns him not to get cocky, but Maven pieces it together:

The COLONEL offered one in return for both, seeing as how both Mare and Maven have seen the list. All Elara really needs is one of them, and then she, Tibe, and Cal have access to find and hunt down the Newbloods. After that, they'll probably kill him.

Maven, understanding there's no real way he's getting out of this(if he refuses, Mare's getting sent to them instead, and then he'll have to deal with the fact he got her killed and her grieving friend and family), asks when he'll be leaving.

The Colonel nods and states whenever the jet is ready. Just as he leaves to let Maven and Mare say goodbye, he tells Maven that enough men and women have been killed, so with his death, at least he'll stop children from following.

Maven and Mare watch him leave.

Only to see him fall back.

Kilorn has returned with Farley and Shade in toe, Farley holding up a set of keys to the cell.

Like before, they leave via the Black Run, but this time it's Farley that has to pilot because Cal's not around in this timeline- I mean, AU.😁

Also like before, after some discourse from Kilorn and and maybe teasing from Shade(because he calls Maven the 'little prince' to be harmless), they find Nix Marsten, and if he beat the daylights out of Cal, he beats THE EVER AND NEVER LOVING SHIT OUT OF MAVEN.

Did he lead his daughters to their deaths? No.

Was he there with Cal when it was planned that they take a legion across a river/waterfall? Yes.

Was he known for instilling a little bit of reasoning in Cal? Yes.

Did he do that when Cal made the decision to cross a waterfall to fight an enemy force? No.

Maven is incredibly guilty, having been a few people behind when he saw the girls went over the falls, screaming, sputtering, and crying for someone to help them even when they went over the edge and screamed most of the way down.

He says that he knows it's useless, but he's too sorry for words. Too many Reds have died and soon Newbloods like Nix, Mare, and Shade will follow, if they don't hurry.

Nix, reluctant, goes with them, but asks firmly that Maven be kept the HELL away from him.

With Cal, Tibe, and Elara, the Queen is led to the Silent Stone cells, where Cal is sitting.

She asks the Sentinel to leave them, and he does, before asking Cal why he can't follow simple orders, for a General?

Cal snaps that he DID follow those orders. He just didn't retriwve Mare and Maven because Mare threw a plane at them and he and Maven had a firefight before they escaped.

And it was not his fault there was a submarine there and that it was on a cliffside.

Elara laughs out and tells him that he'd better be able to explain that to his father, because he's just about ready to kill him, Mare, and Maven himself.

Cal gives a laugh, asking if she'd like that to happen, seeing as how that was her plan.

Elara takes a breath and warns Cal that if it weren't for the Silent Stone, she would have disposed of him the same way she did with Coriane; in her own words, "the weak bitch stole the crown from me once, and I won't let her bastard take it again."

Cal asks when he's getting executed, but Elara smirks.

No need, because they found Maven and Mare, and Tibe, who loves Coriane's son SO much, is sparing him for Maven, who's getting thrown to Volo Samos and Rem Rhambos.

After that, she'll scramble his brains with a fork until he's more broken than both his parents put together, regardless of his place as the crown prince of Norta; this ain't The Folk of The Air, people. She can marry and ally to whomever, but ELARA is going to rule Norta and will make the Lakelands and the other countries surrounding Norta kowtow to her will.

Cal watches her leave, nervous for himself, but more concerned for Maven.

Well, at least he hears, "WHY IS EVERYONE SO USELESS LATELY!?" down the hall.

Elara returns and Cal makes a suggestion to where Maven and Mare are going, for it's population amd the fact Elara hates the place in general:

Harbor Bay.

And he has a way to bring Mare back, one he made a while back.

And Part 2 is going to need a Part 2 because this is going to be longer than I thought😅

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Dangerous Love (Pt. 08 of 13)

Pairing: Bruce Wayne (Batman) X Harley Quinn's sister!Reader

Word count: 2.9K

Summary: You're Harley Quinn's sister, Havoc, one of the many villain's of Gotham. But you've been caught, and has been tortured constantly for an year in Belle Reve. But when your think your life can't be anything else than the nightmare you find yourself into, Bruce Wayne, the Batman, takes you in for a project. He has a program to rehabilitate villains, and you're his lab rat. But soon enough confusing feelings start getting in the way. You know falling for Bruce is stupid. But can you keep your heart under control?

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{Justice League - DC Masterlist}

×

Home isn't Always a Place

You're pushed forward, a gun on your back. You step down the ramp, the sunlight blinding you for a while. The headquarters were built here, in some sort of field. There as soldiers everywhere, and they're immediately aware of you. Of course they are, you're a threat. With a gun on your hand, seven bullets means seven men on the ground, crying in pain. You hardly miss.

“Sister!” A yell gets your attention, and you turn to its source. Harley comes running, throwing her arms around you. “So good to see you. Where have you been?”

In paradise. “Same place as I've been for the last year. Isn't it obvious?” Shrugging your shoulders casually, you try not to look to misplaced. Wait. Why would you look misplaced here?

“Well, now we get to have fun and some family bonding.” As she speaks, a soldier walking by gets her attention. “Hey, you. Can you help me with something?” She says in a flirting tone and walks away.

“Now it's a party.” A rough voice says, and you soon recognize the owner.

“Killer.” You greet him with a smile and a quick hug. “Nice to see you'll be here to have my back. Who else is here?”

“Deadshot is arguing with a soldier. Diablo is seated in some corner whining.” He smiles, gesturing at his left. “Long time no see. How's life?”

“Life's fine. As fine as it could be.” You start walking over where Deadshot is, watching as the soldier rolls his eyes. Floyd is gesticulating a lot, which means he's pissed.

“I won't have it like it was the last time. Now go, be a good puppy and tell this to your boss.” He says, turning his back at the man. “Havoc. Hi.” He says, exchanging a glance with Killercroc. “Ready for another stupid mission?”

“It's not like we have a choice, right? I–”

“Listen up, assholes! Your dirty things are in these boxes. So change and let's get the hell out of here. You have five minutes.” A man shouts, and everyone rolls their eyes.

You make your way to your things, and as you expected, your box is filled with your old clothes. All in shades of lilac, purple and pink. As usual, the soldiers just stand around you, not caring too much, as you change. You never liked that. Harley doesn't seem to care, and many eyes lay on her. But you do care. And you care a lot more now.

“Guys. A little help?”

Floyd and Killer grab some of the dark plastic bags that lie on the the floor, as you take a dark purple sleeveless jumpsuit. You move to stand near a wall, and the guys turn their backs at you, holding the bags high so you're shielded from anyone's eyes. They did the same on the first time, and you're very thankful for that.

“Thanks, guys. I'm done.” You tell them, fixing the jumpsuit on your body. The hard material makes you feel strong, like Havoc again.

“You're welcome.” Killer says.

“To the trucks! Now!” A man barks and you have no choice but to do as he says.

All of you go in the back of one of the trucks, together. Harley seems to be the only one excited about it, since she's trying to flirt with a soldier named Tom. You wonder what Joker would think about that. Oh. He's stuck on a bed for the rest of his life. He won't be saying anything, you bet.

As you move through the town, you can't help but think about what you did before leaving the house. The kiss. You can't believe you actually kissed him. What in hell were you thinking? You're very brave to do such a crazy thing like that. And you should've at least stayed to see his expression. To see if he was mad or not. But even if he didn't like it, you trust him enough to know he won't break his promise. He still keep helping you after you beat him up twice, so it's not a peck in the lips that will make him change his mind.

Being sure of this is a weird feeling. Your head is so much clearer now, you're not as scared as you were. And you're liking who you're becoming. This mission is just a inconvenience. It'll be over and you'll head back to the house, back to the way of getting a real life. A good life, a life you'll actually enjoy having.

You stop suddenly, and you're ordered out of the truck. “There's a small group here. Eyes open. They might have put mines here so... Don't blow up.”

You get two guns, one in your hand as you walk the perimeter. Harley stays close to Tom, but it doesn't bother you. You walk near Killercroc and Floyd, your head too far from this place.

“Hey.” Floyd elbows you. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I'm just... Thinking.” Shrugging your shoulders, you need to focus on being casual. “How's you daughter?”

“She's great. Best student of her class and she's in a hella good school. The best of Gotham.” He looks at the sides, making sure nobody is too close. Killercroc is a few steps ahead and he doesn't really care about these stuff anyways. “You will never guess who put her there. And also guaranteed her a good University, any one she chooses.”

“That's freaking amazing, Floyd. Who did all that?” It couldn't be Amanda. She's not that good.

“Batman.” The mention of Bruce makes you blush, your heart aching from his absence. You look down, running a hand through your hair.

“Batman? In like the man you hate with all your strength?”

“How can I hate someone who does that for my kid? No, no. I respect him. Even admire him now, doing this after I tried to kill him half a dozen times.”

“Floyd, he's...” You need to let out out your chest, and having someone to talk about it would be nice. And you know you can trust Floyd, even more now that his hate for Bruce is gone. So the words roll out your tongue in a whisper as you both stop walking. “...Batman is the one helping me... Rehabilitating me.”

“Oh. So the rumors are true. I knew they took you somewhere else, just didn't know where.”

“You two. Walk.” Someone says and you start moving again.

“Yes, he... I'm going well. I...” Floyd looks down at you, raising one eyebrow. “He said it was mostly just me, but he did help. He treated me with kindness, believed me. I don't know how to explain but I'm different.”

“I did notice something was off with you. But I'd never guess.”

“Really? I was trying to keep it cool.” As you speak, three man come from the corner, immediately shooting at you. You duck behind a car, peaking just enough to lay eyes on them and aim. But they're easily put down without you having to shoot.

“All clear!” Harley says, smiling.

“So...” You continue when you start walking downtown again. “I didn't want to come, but he promised me it would be the last time.”

“Uhm... He's making promises?”

“Yes.” You don't get his tone. “He's very kind to me. Unlike anyone else... He even threw me a birthday party.”

“Happy birthday by the way, and sorry it's a little late.” You turn the corner, carefully at first. “How kind?”

“Kind.” What else can you say? That his touch is so soft, so gentle that you couldn't help but fall in love with him? “He... Cares. I think.”

“You fell for him.” Floyd bursts out, and it's not even a question. It's an affirmative. How did he get there so fast?

But you're fast to dissimulate. “What? No.”

“It's called Stockholm Syndrome.”

“It's not like that!” You exclaim. “You know I've been kidnapped before. Twice by the Joker, who kept me hostage for five months... I did spent three of them just to play tricks on his mind and get some of his money but you get what I mean. Batman didn't held me hostage. He spoke to me, helped me get clean of the drugs they used to give me at Belle Reve, he... He won't let the door locked anymore. He wants me to be able to live in society again.”

“I was teasing you. But since you went into great lengths to defend your relationship with him... You did fell for him.”

“Shut up, Floyd.” You mutter, too much on your head. Increasing your pace, you reach Killer, walking beside him.

Your feelings are pretty clear, as much as you don't want to admit it. And hear it like that just makes it even worse. The kiss... All you think is about that kiss you shouldn't have given.

You're thankful when the action starts, because you have something else to focus on. It doesn't resumes in shooting, you eventually get into hand to hand combat. And you can deal with it pretty well. Of course, it's easier because the guys have your back. You guess they somehow noticed you have no pleasure on doing this anymore. Diablo, as usual, doesn't participate much.

When you stop, hours later, you feel your body complaining a little, but you know it'll get worse. But you also know you can deal with that. And you will, because this time you have somewhere nice to return to.

The commotion goes on for a couple of days. It gets messy, and it only gets worse when the granades start falling from the skies. You're all bruised up again, but not as bad as you were in the hell hole. How is it possible that you're in the middle of a war and you're not as much hurt as you were inside a prison?

As you approach the terrorists base, things get worse, and even the soldiers seem to get anxious. So that means they're extra evil to you. One of them denied you a bottle of water, what made Killercroc almost get his head blown out for arguing with the man. That reminds you that you don't have an explosive this time, but the soldiers told you they will put a bullet through your head if you try anything. But they can rest their minds because the only thing you want is to end this soon.

A week later, the soldiers decide to settle for the night, and push you into a half destroyed house. Harley uses all the hot water, so you have to endure the cold. But it feels good to clean up, and you can take a look at your wounds. A few cuts and purple bruises, nothing you can't deal with. The only bad part of the times you stop to rest a little before start moving again, is that your mind involuntary floats back to Bruce. You can't help it, everything comes back. When he left his gala to dance with you, the dreams, the birthday surprise, the kiss... Why can't you take this man out of your head?

You're alone in a room where half of the wall is down. The others are downstairs, but you want to be alone. You can see the stars from here, and you wonder if Bruce is staring at them too. “Hey, freak.” A soldier comes in, throwing a small radio at you, that looks like a very rustic cellphone. “Someone wants to speak to you. You have five minutes.”

Watching as he leaves, you lie back on the floor, approaching the radio from your ear and mouth. You know who it is, and your stomach goes crazy, with a thousand butterflies flying around.

“Hi.” He answers. “How are you?”

His voice is so familiar, like home. “I'm surviving. Enduring. Just want this to be over soon.”

“It will. And you'll be back here.”

“I hope so... We're near their base now. So only a couple of days more and we'll reach it. Take them down.” You close your eyes, hoping that his voice will be enough to make you dream of him tonight. You would give anything to have him here... Or to be back home. You mean, back at his house. “How's everything there?" Stupid question, he's fine, everything is fine.

“It's weird not to have you here.”

A smile comes to your lips. “Is it?” You whisper, taking a deep breath. You're scared you'll lose control, and the words will roll out your tongue. “Our time is almost over but... Thank you, I... It's good to speak to you.”

“Just remember I'm waiting for you.” You hear his heavy breath, as if he's suffering too, tired, exhausted.

Then you hear a little static, and you know he's gone... There's a weight on your chest and you can't help but let a single tear roll down your cheek. You keep the radio near your face, as if you could hold Bruce with a little longer. “I miss you so much.” You say, barely recognizing your weak voice.

“I miss you too.” The sudden answer scares you, your eyes widened.

“I- I thought you hanged up.”

“No, I'm still here. And I miss you very much, sweetheart.”

The pet name makes you lose it, and now you're crying. “Bruce, I–”

“Time's up, Havoc.” The soldier comes back, hand reached out. “Say goodbye to your protector.”

“I gotta go. I... I miss you.” You burst out before another sentence, far more dangerous, leaves your lips. You give the man the radio back, curling up on the floor, bracing yourself.

From tomorrow, you'll fight harder. You need to go back.

• • •

“Their base–” The soldier who announces is shot in the throat, right beside you. You're duck behind the barricades, waiting for the big guns to arrive. You cannot approach with the risk of being blown up, and they're not allowed to spend you just yet.

“That's it. Shoot to kill, that's an order.” The commandant yells, and the bodies start dropping faster. But not from your gun. You keep aiming for their knees, but another bullet always finds the man you leave collapsed on the floor. “Are you deaf, slut?” He barks at you, leaving his post and pulling you up by the shoulders. “Don't you think you can trick me just because the Bat took you into his wings. Do what you do best and kill those terrorists.”

“I don't kill, sarg.” You tell him, making your way back to your post. But the grabs your arm violently, squeezing right on a wound you got. You groan, trying to pull away.

“You don't kill? Nice try. You will do as I say!” He yells right to your face, and you can feel his disgusting breath. But you won't back down, and you won't take a life just because he told you to.

“I don't kill.” You repeat, standing as tall as you can, head up raised up to look the man in the eye.

His gun makes sudden contact with your face, in the apple on the right cheek. Your head jerks to the side, and you're knocked down, a sharp pain spreading through the skull.

“Hey! Leave her alone!” Killercroc comes running, and you see through the corner of your eyes as he engages in a fight with the man.

You're done here. Crawling away from the fight, you hide yourself behind a building, seated on the floor and resting your back against the wall. They seem to be dealing with that very well, so they don't need you. You're tired of fighting, tired of being in pain.

“Havoc?” Floyd calls, startling you a little. “Are you ok? Your cheek is–”

I'm (Y/N). “Yes, I'm ok. But I'm not going back there.”

“You'll have to tell them you're feeling unwell or else–”

“I don't care, ok? I just need to go back home. I'm sick and tired of this shit.” You burst out.

“Home?” He questions, not seeming too excited to head back to the battlefield.

“Yeah, just... I'm confused, I'm hurt. I'm not thinking straight.”

“I have to head back. Sorry.”

Nodding, you close your eyes, taking in the explosions and shooting. The only thing you want is peace now, silence... Bruce's arms. A heavy, cold rain starts falling, and you're soaking wet in a matter of seconds. Your head spins around, and you lie down, eyes closed tight.

Suddenly, you're pulled into a heavy sleep.

• • •

“Lucky bitch. We should be taking her back to where she belongs.” A rough voice wakes you up, and you sit up, eyes opening slowly. You're in a truck, in the back, on the metal floor. Your hands are tied by huge metal handcuffs, that cover both hands, reaching the middle of your forearm. It's heavy.

“Let's teach her a lesson. Just like old times.” A man say, and you recognize two out of six, both were your guards in Belle Reve.

“Don't leave too many bruises. She'll be with Batman in ten minutes, he'll notice.”

Ten minutes... You're going back. This truck in taking you back. Lowering your head, you smile, breathing deeply.

“She was with the Task Force. He'll think she got them there.”

“Fine then.” You're pulled back, a dark, heavy fabric covering your head. “This is just to remind you of who you are, Havoc.”

“And to give you a nice memory of home.”

The beating starts, and your body easily collapses to the floor again. But you're lifted up, again and again. You should fight. You should do something, but you can't. You're not the superpowerful girl you thought you were. You break too, and you get hurt. And you are hurt, with countless cuts and wounds through your body. When you were high on whatever they gave you, you could keep moving. Now you can't. Being vulnerable, weak, feels awful, but there's just no strength in you. You just need to make it through the last ten minutes that separate you from home.

Home.

When exactly did the house became that?

Or is it Bruce? Is he the one becoming your home? Is it even possible? You hope it is.

×

@redwolf-7 @glitterypinkkitty @mybabyboytony @chipster-21 @agustdpeach @yaakimoon2 @chloe-skywalker

[reading-while-queer]

Ninth House, Leigh Bardugo

Rating: Mixed Review Genre: Fantasy, Mystery, Dark Academia Representation: -Bi/pan protagonist -Jewish protagonist -Latina mixed race protagonist Trigger warnings: Sexual assault (in scene), rape (in scene), CSA (in scene), graphic violence, murder, drug use, drug abuse, drugging of another person, overdose, domestic abuse, medical abuse, violence by dogs Note: Not YA

Why is it that every time I read Leigh Bardugo, I love the book with a passion...except for one thing that makes me want to tear my hair out?

Here’s what seriously impressed me about Ninth House, Bardugo’s entry into New Adult. The pacing was phenomenal. The measured, perfectly timed revelations of information had me finding excuses to listen to the audiobook - taking extra neighborhood walks, doing extra loads of laundry - because I was so hooked. Then, there’s the worldbuilding. Bardugo managed to walk a delicate line, successfully suspending disbelief while still asserting that eight Yale secret societies do secret magic rituals to the benefit of the oligarchical capitalist machine (we all kind of suspected this was the case, right?). But the best part of the book, the part that had me recommending Ninth House in more than one group chat, was, of all things, the point-of-view jumps.

Rarely are point-of-view switches the star of the show, but I was so excited to see a genuinely original, intrinsic-to-the-heart-of-the-whole-novel use of that technical tool. The point of view jumps crank the volume up on the theme of the whole book. We start with the main character, Galaxy “Alex” Stern; she is the point-of-view character for the present semester during which the principal action of the novel takes place. Her upperclassman and mentor Daniel Arlington (or “Darlington”) is the point-of-view character for the semester before - all because something happened to Darlington. Alex is telling people he’s doing a “semester in Spain,” and all the reader knows is that her explanation isn’t strictly true. The point-of-view jumps being so strict (there is never an Alex perspective chapter during last semester, and never a Darlington perspective in the present) serves to separate the two characters from each other with a really incredible emotional effectiveness. The heart of the novel, for me as a reader, was yearning for these two to be reunited - and all because Bardugo holds the two character points-of-view separate across an unbreachable temporal divide. It’s a powerfully effective technique.

But let’s backtrack. Alex is a 20-year-old high school dropout from the west coast. As the story progresses, we learn that Alex can see ghosts, which is why, despite never finishing high school or getting her GED - or even applying - Alex is a freshman at Yale - contingent on her joining the secret society called “Lethe House” as apprentice (“Dante”) to the current leader of the society, Darlington (the “Virgil”). Lethe House is the governing body of the eight Yale secret societies that practice the magic that keeps the elite in power. These secret societies make books sell, make T.V. anchors charming and compelling, and open portals to other parts of the world - when they aren’t throwing over the top Halloween parties with magic designed to alter one’s perception of reality.

Darlington, by contrast to Alex, seems to belong at Yale. He’s from an old family, and he’s preppy and well-read. Most of all, he loves Lethe House and its history of keeping the secret societies from harming people in their pursuit of magic and power. That is, until he disappears just in time for Alex, only half-trained, to investigate the murder of a girl on campus.

The first three quarters of the novel are fantastic for the reasons stated above. Bardugo’s approach to mystery writing is effective. We have half a dozen suspects, most of whom, as elite ivy league magicians, are at least guilty of some misdeed. Having all your red herrings end up somewhat culpable anyway is a good way to keep your mystery difficult to solve until the end. We were off to a good start.

Unfortunately, in the end, Bardugo made the all-too-common choice to value “surprise” over the most compelling, satisfying solution. So while the reader doesn’t see the ending coming, that is at the steep cost of the ending not being justified by the rest of the book. Bardugo even has to invent new rules of magic off the cuff to justify the ending. When the rest of the book so painstakingly developed the rules of magic in a way that made sense and never felt overly expository, undoing all that effort feels like a monumental waste. And for what did Bardugo undermine all her hard work? A mystery that the reader won’t have all the clues to solve? It’s really okay - in fact, good - if the reader can puzzle out your story. It means your story has symmetry, internal logic, or perhaps, some sort of message.

This is what had me tearing my hair out. I know exactly how I would have written the ending of Ninth House to be the perfect conclusion to a stunning book. I know exactly what the message should have been. Is it somewhat ridiculous to say that Bardugo misinterpreted the message of her own book? Perhaps. But given the out-of-left-field-ending, the theme of the book ends up being a rather cheaply bought “No matter how traumatized you are, you can be a girlboss” instead of the message that the very structure of the novel itself was pointing to since page one: one of companionship, trust, and restoration (frankly, a better message for a novel with a main character who suffers so much loss and trauma. But, sure, “girl power” is a theme...I guess...)

Here’s what I mean by the structure of the novel itself pointing to a different theme. (Spoiler warning for the rest of this paragraph). Because the point-of-view switches in the first two thirds of the novel were used by Bardugo like two magnets being held apart, the only way to create a feeling of resolution was, so to speak, putting the magnets back together: getting Darlington back into the “present.” The degree of disconnect between reader expectations and the reality of the book is comparable to picking up a romance novel only to have the two leads decide to just be friends at the end. Bardugo set expectations - akin to genre expectations - but unfortunately Bardugo kneecapped her first book in the service of the sequel.

And then there’s the trauma. Alex’s backstory wouldn’t be the same without some level of trauma; it’s an important part of her character arc. Even the explicit presence of sexual assault on the page was justified in the case of Alex’s backstory - and I think that is rarely true. But when it came to a side character’s explicit in-scene rape, which was used as a clue in the broader murder mystery rather than treated as a crime in its own right, that tipped me over into feeling the trauma in Ninth House was more excessive than necessary for character development. The resolution to that side character’s rape is oddly cartoonish - like an over-the-top prank rather than justice - and again, the only reason the rape happens to the character is to give Alex more information she needs to solve the plot. Maybe that wouldn’t bother some readers, but for me, a book has to bend over backwards to justify showing me a character being raped. Bardugo does well earlier in the book when depicting Alex’s assault; the assault is the explanation for why Alex doesn’t view magic with the same childish excitement as the rest of Yale, and it’s part of what holds her apart from the entitled secret societies. It needed to be in the book. Everything else was gratuitous.

That said, there’s one thing still to address in this roller coaster of a review, and that is: wait, is this a queer book? I had gone into it assuming that it would be, mostly because all my queer friends were reading it. And the answer is….kind of? Knowing Bardugo’s history with putting queer characters in her books, I’m going to assume she wasn’t baiting when she had Alex claim to have loved a girl in her backstory. Which, in the context of the rest of the novel, would make Alex bi or pan. As a book that a lot of queer fans of Bardugo’s YA have read, or will read, it feels appropriate to review it here.

This was a mixed review from start to finish, but to finish up: if you are thinking about reading Ninth House, go for it! There is so much to like about this book. Take to heart that if you read and liked Bardugo’s handling of sexual assault in her YA titles, you should be prepared to be surprised by Ninth House. It is not the same. I would not have called her handling of sexual assault in Six of Crows, for instance, restrained - but compared to Ninth House, it absolutely is. Despite my strongly worded feelings about the ending, Bardugo left room to redeem herself in the sequel (which, if you ask me, is why the ending was so bad in the first place...). I for one will definitely be reading the sequel the second it comes out.

[godzillareturn2014]

Zack Snyder’s Justice League Review

So I finally saw Justice League the Snyder cut version on HBO Max and it’s fantastic. I actually did my review on the Justice League movie back in 2017 on YouTube and gave it a 4 out of 5 nuclear bombs. However, while I still find the 2017 Justice League entertaining, it wasn’t really that memorable and I do learn the sad truth the film been having troubled production due to Zack Snyder have lost one of his daughters died from suicide which caused Joss Whedon to take over and the film ended up being a critical and box office disappointment. Anyway, the story of this film took place after the events of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. After Superman had sacrificed himself to save the world from Doomsday, Batman and Wonder Woman decided save the world on their own as well as setting out to find other superheroes so that way they can set up a team. The superheroes that Batman and Wonder Woman are searching for are The Flash, Aquaman, and Cyborg. So when an evil threat named Steppenwolf who serves Darkseid has come to take over the world along with his demon armies, Batman, Wonder Woman, Flash, Aquaman, and Cyborg must team up together to fight Steppenwolf and save the world once and for all. I find the story of this film to be sorta similar but much different and better. Although there are a few parts in this film that did dragged on. Unlike the 2017 version, this one much darker and more violence. Plus they do say a lot of bad words this version. The special effects in this film are much better than the 2017 version. The good news is that there is no CGI mouth on Superman’s face in this film. I can obviously tell that Cyborg, Steppenwolf, Steppenwolf’s armies, and Darkseid are all in motion capture. The designs of Steppenwolf in this film is better looking than the 2017 version. I actually do enjoy the designs of the cities, the batmobile, the bat airship, the weapons and costume designs of Batman’s suit, Wonder Woman’s suit, Flash’s suit, Aquaman’s suit, and Superman’s suit. The action scenes are definitely the best part of the film. I had a blast seeing Flash running very fast with lightning, Wonder Woman fighting and stopping those British criminals from robbing a bank, the amazon warriors fighting Steppenwolf, the battle between the Justice League against Steppenwolf and his demon armies, and in this version had lots of blood and killing. Ben Affleck as always did a splendid job playing Batman. Batman of course is a dark superhero of Gotham City and in this film is the lead member and founders of the Justice League that lead his team to do what they have to do. I really like the part where he used his weapons and gadgets to fight his enemies. Gal Gadot still did a magnificent job playing Wonder Woman who is an immortal princess Amazonian warrior that is the co-founder and a member of the Justice League. Like in her own film, she has the ability to fight her enemies with her sword, shield, whip, and fist. Then there are other members of the Justice League like the Flash played by Ezra Miller, Aquaman played by Jason Momoa, and Cyborg played by Ray Fisher all did an awesome job. The Flash who is a superhero that can move at superhuman speeds due to his ability to tap into Speed Force and plus I also think he’s funny. Aquaman I think definitely steals the show in this film who a superhero that lives in Atlantis and is good at swimming, breathe underwater, communicate with the underwater animals, and fight someone with his trident. Cyborg is half man half robot who used to be a college athlete student that got into a car accident which turns him into a human robot hero that has the ability to fly, turn his arms into cannons, and manipulate technology. Plus we get to see more of his backstory in this film. Returning from Man of Steel and Batman v Superman is Lois Lane played by Amy Adams, Martha Kent played by Diane Lane, and Alfred played by Jeremy Irons. Lois Lane the girlfriend of Superman is now an undaunted and compassionate award winning journalist in the Daily Planet in this film. Martha Kent the adopted mother of Superman didn’t really do a lot in this film. Alfred the butler of Batman who is now one of the Justice League’s close allies that always wanted to help out. Superman played by Henry Cavill is still awesome and in this film he wears a black suit. Wonder Woman’s mother Queen Hippolyta played by Connie Nielson have some of the more screen time in this film than the 2017 version. Also appearing in this film is Mera played by Amber Heard, Silas Stone played by Joe Morton, Commissioner Gordon played by J. K. Simmons and Vulko played by Willem Dafoe are also allies with the Justice League as well. Now for the villains Steppenwolf played by Ciaran Hinds and Darkseid played by Ray Porter. Steppenwolf in this film is much better than Steppenwolf in the 2017 version who of course is the evil villain who only wanted power and take over the world and in this version serves Darkseid. Darkseid is one of Superman’s enemies that is a tyrannical New God from Apokolips and Steppenwolf’s nephew and master. By the way there is another superhero in this film which I will not tell you who it is. Zack Snyder I think did a great job directing this movie especially he made it more graphic and intense. He actually did a better job than Joss Whedon. I mean Joss Whedon did a wonderful job directing the first two Avengers movie, not so much for Justice League. The music composed by Junkie XL sounds very exciting, hardcore, and it feels like a superhero movie. It is way better than Danny Elfman version. All the music from the 2017 Justice League movie are not played in this version but I’m fine with that. So overall, this is an excellent DC superhero movie. I do agree with a lot of people that this is cannon to the DC Extended Universe. This is the version that we should have had in the first place. I love this DC movie more than the 2017 Justice League movie, Batman v Superman, Suicide Squad, and Birds of Prey and in my opinion is one of the best DC movie in this Extended Universe along with Man of Steel, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, and Shazam. I am hoping that the DC Extended Universe can still get better. I also hope that we can get a Green Lantern reboot. If you’re a fan of DC, this is a must see. So I give this movie 4.5 out of 5 nuclear bombs.

[my-northern-downpour]

Maribat March Day 1-Firsts

I really want to do as many of these as I can! Here’s day one and I hope you all enjoy! @maribat-march2020

AO3 

Day 1-Firsts

There are many firsts in just one person’s life. Your first breath, your first steps, words, and eating solid foods. Your first love, first heartbreak, and first getting over your ex ice cream binge. Almost everyone in the world shares these experiences. It’s something that connects us all and makes us, well, human. Normal. 

Not everyone, though, gets to become a hero. That’s a first very few people get to experience. 

For Damian, he was never a hero. He was never meant to be one. He had been raised to be the next heir to Ra’s al Ghul, spent his entire childhood being told to be better. Let nothing stand in the way between you and your mission. And he did. 

For ten years, he trained to be the best. To be worthy of his position as the heir to the great Ra’s al Ghul. To show that he was no one to mess around with, despite his young age. And he was. 

Until he met his biological father, Bruce Wayne. 

His mother had dumped him on his doorstep and left him there. He was no longer the heir, no longer anything he had told himself he was. Now he was a throwaway doll. And to a man with three annoying children to boot. 

Damian was ten when he was told his family were the vigilantes of Gotham. He was ten when he became apart of that world and donned the Robin outfit. 

He was ten and he still didn’t become a hero.

*~*~*

The years, at first, were slow for Damian, but then slowly began to speed up as he reached his teenage years. He had had some more firsts in his life since then. 

He had gone to his first real school( even if he already knew the materials), had made a somewhat friend in Jon Kent, and began to slightly tolerate his older brothers. But he still hadn’t had two firsts yet: become a hero and fall in love. 

The second one, love, was something he never thought about. The only things he really loved were his animals. He accepted his family and tolerated them at best most days. But to actually feel that for another human being? It just simply never crossed his mind. 

*~*~*

Bruce had decided to take the family on a business trip with him to Paris when Damian was 16. They were there for two reasons. The cover story was for the expansion of Wayne Enterprises and the undercover business was to find out anything they could about the heros of Paris and this Hawkmoth character. Damian was just happy to be out of Gotham for a while. 

While in Paris he experienced some new firsts! His first look at the Eiffel Tower, his first Falafel sandwich, his first akuma attack… and his first sighting of Paris’ heroes. 

He knew from his research that they had been around about 2, almost 3 years, that they were ladybug and cat themed and that they had magic powers. He had sighed when he heard about the magic part. He really did hate that stuff. 

But seeing them in person, he could tell the pair were quite comfortable with each other. Their fighting styles complemented and balanced each other well. The trust between the two was undeniable. Ladybug gave him a look and he knew exactly what she wanted him to do. They were quite a spectacle to see. And when the fight was finished and he was washed over by magic ladybugs that repaired the city, Damian knew that Robin had to meet this Ladybug. 

And so, later that night, he snuck out of the hotel the family was staying at donning the Robin persona, and flung his way across to the Eiffel Tower. He had studied their every move since coming to Paris and tonight it paid off. Their patrols always started there and Ladybug was always at least 20 minutes early. Plenty of time for him to meet this hero. 

Robin reached the top of the tower just as he heard the whip of her yoyo pulling her across the skyline. He stood there, in what he thought was his least menacing pose, and waited. Ladybug reached the tower and froze immediately upon landing. 

To Damian, it was like seeing a hero for the first time. She was strong and cared for her city. 

To Marinette, it was like she had found another akuma. 

Without missing a beat, she lashed her yoyo out and around the unwanted intruder and pulled him to the ground. Or, at least she tried. Damian had expected this reaction. He was new and, to her, dangerous. He stood his ground as she pulled, but try as she might, Ladybug just couldn’t make him move. Instead of saying a word, he kicked a piece of cardboard to her with a picture attached. She never loosened her grip on him, but looked down in curiosity. 

On it, it simply said “I’m with the Justice League. -Robin” and the picture attached was of him and all the bats in Gotham from an article about when they had foiled one of the Joker’s plans. 

Her eyes glazed over for a moment as she let the information sink in. After all this time, they’ve finally come. They weren’t alone anymore. She scrutinized the picture and him some more before letting him go. 

They talked for what felt like hours to him, but it was only 20 minutes. In that time, introductions were made, contact information was swapped, and they had made plans to meet up again the next night to meet Chat Noir after she explained everything to him. 

That night, unknowingly, Damian began to have another first.

The next night, Robin met the duo at the same location, both nervous and excited. He really did want to try to help them defeat this Hawkmoth. Ladybug had said they were only 13 when they were given the miraculous when he had noted her age the night before. He hated that children were the ones being left to take care of the city with no adults to help at all. He had remembered his time in the league and how he never really got a childhood. That wouldn’t happen for these two, especially Ladybug. 

“Ah! Robin, you’re just in time!” Ladybug greeted him with a warm smile. “Chat, this is Robin! He’s from the Justice League. They’ve come to see how they can help. Robin, this is Chat. He’s been my partner since the getgo and my best friend and confidant.” 

“Aww m’lady, you flatter me,” Chat joked back. 

Robin studied their camaraderie. He had not seen partners who were this close together. Sure, his family worked together, but they fought each other most of the time. The Justice League members seemed to prefer to work alone rather than with anyone else. But these two, they were a well oiled machine together. They always adapted to the situation at hand and came out on top. It was something he had never seen before. Another new first. 

“Anyways, I wanted you to patrol with us tonight. It will help you get a feel for the city and it’s layout. And we can continue to chat...”

“Don’t you mean Chat?”

She sighed only briefly before continuing.” We can talk while we are out. Does that sound okay?” 

“Sounds like an excellent plan Lady…” Robin had started before a scream broke through the quiet of night. All three members turned in sync to the source to see a new akuma attacking the city. Ladybug just smiled at Robin.

“NEW PLAN!” she screamed excitedly. “You get to help us with this akuma! That way you can see what happens, how it all works, and everything like that. It’s like a crash course, but with more action,” she winked at him. 

And so they were off, Ladybug and Chat Noir to do something they did all the time. 

For Robin, it was then that he realized two things:

A)Ladybug was possibly worth fighting for and 

B) He knew what it was like to be a hero for the first time.

[mychemicalficrecs]

Hi! First I have to say that your account is AMAZING! Second, I was wondering if there are any Frank/Gerard College/University AU’s?

Thanks, anon! There absolutely are, here are some of them!

Frank/Gerard College/University AUs

Skin of the Canvas by sinsense, 42k, Mature. The typical nude model is someone like Phil. Phil is forty-nine and paunchy. He's starting to go gray at his temples and in his pubic hair; he likes to pose on a stool, curving his back and curling his fingers together between his knees. Phil is secretly awesome -- he likes the Misfits and builds model trains -- but he's not what Gerard would call prime ogling material. Neither are any of the other models who have posed for the life modeling or anatomy classes Gerard has taken. This semester, Anna was kind of cute, but she whined about the conditions the entire time she was there. In his four years of art school, anyway, Gerard has never once dealt with being attracted to the model. But this guy is hot --- Or: Gerard goes to art school. Frank is a nude model. Somehow their relationship gets off the ground, in spite of everything working against them.

Interview with an Artist by mistresscurvy, 5k, Explicit. Frank stared at the syllabus. He was certain that this final project couldn't have been on there the first time he looked at it. He would have remembered something so completely fucking impossible.

Subjects Aren't the Only Thing You Learn in College by Andromedas_Void, 4k, Explicit. “What?” Gerard asks, bending his right leg and slipping his foot under his left knee. “Your neck is obviously bothering you so I’m giving you one of my patented massages. If your body doesn’t feel completely boneless after this, then you’ll get your money back,” he grins. “If I’m not paying you in the first place, do I still get my money back?” Frank laughs.

Sure of You by shiningartifact, 11k, Explicit. In Gee's senior year of college, waking up with sex hair and a vague memory of the girl who gave it to her is just another Friday morning. She's fine with that. She is. And then she meets Frank.

she (within the measure of a day) by mrsronweasley, 9k, Explicit. Gerard steps out in heels for Halloween. Everybody enjoys it. Some enjoy it more than others.

A Clockwork Killjoy by The_Divine_Fool, 13k [WIP], Not Rated. Alone in the world and miserably twenty-something, Gerard decides to move in with his little brother Mikey, who lives in the middle of nowhere, working and earning his Bachelor's degree at the local community college. But creepy stuff happens in Nowhere, and it's up to Gerard to save his new friends and his own brother from a sinister conspiracy.

sing for ourselves alone (speak into the microphone) by ineffableangel, 4k, Teen And Up Audiences. The college radio DJ has played 22 Mountain Goats songs in a row without comment and I feel like someone should call and make sure they’re okay.

Fragile Bones by action-cat (clytemnestras), 8k, Explicit. I don’t feel like a girl today, Frankie. I feel like a fucking prince

Get up, get out and be social (Frerard) by Rachel_Carter, 5k, Not Rated. Gerard is working on an art assignment in a coffee shop where he meets Frank, a pre-med student. When Frank gives Gerard his phone number, their relationship develops.

Heaven Beside You (Awkwardness Within) by RedSkittleCure, 7k, Explicit. The really hot guy turns to him, and Gerard sees that he’s got a fucking nose piercing and pierced ears and Gerard is just really, really fucked because this guy is so out of his league, it isn’t even funny. “Hi!” the guy smiles, sticking a hand out, “I’m Frank!” Gerard stares dumbfoundedly at the waiting hand, waiting a few seconds too long before taking it, “Gerard,” he manages to spit out, mentally taking extremely detailed notes of the calluses on Frank’s hand. Fuck, he’s such a creep. OR: The one where Frank works very hard and woos Gerard via passing him notes in class

no justice in photographs by poppunklwt, 20k, Mature. Frank, a psychology major, is in his third year of college and is roped into taking an art class by his advisor. Ray and Bob are his roommates (possible bandmates, too?) and Gerard is the cute student employee at the library who Frank likes to sneak glances at while he doodles. Frank doesn't know if he can balance a new band and a new crush simultaneously. Or, the one where Gerard offers Frank a little bit more than just help with his art project.

Teenager by dangsu, 7k, Mature. "For someone who hates teenagers, Gerard Way seemed to only hangout with Frank and Mikey." Frank is a scrawny eighteen year old kid and Gerard is a crazed college graduate who hates teenagers and the Midwest.

Dissolve Me by everythingintransit, 80k, General Audiences. Gerard Way sunburns easily and talks too much and has mastered the art of creating paninis in the dining hall and eating them while running to class. He drinks iced coffee when it's below zero outside and carries crystals in his pockets party for comfort and partly because they weigh him down like an anchor that refuses to sink. Gerard Way finds himself in love during his sophomore year of university with a guy that he sometimes goes bowling with. This guy is named Frank Iero and runs a radio show after hours where he talks in a sexy rough voice about things that can get him into trouble if anyone bothers to listen. But Gerard listens. Gerard Way can do magic. Lightbulbs shatter when he gets excited and he can walk through a thunderstorm in dry clothes. Yet he's powerless when it comes to Frank, and the relationship he's seeking ends up looking close to impossible from where he's standing. But he's in love, and love is patient and kind and shattered glass, shit like that. Love is something he deserves.

Majoring In Disaster by hell_highwater, 17k [WIP], General Audiences. Punk bands! Political statements! Lab work! Hating your rich parents! Being oh, so in love with your best (and only) friend! Life ensues many twists for college biochemistry students Gerard and Frank.

Trapped In By All These Mountains by brightlightbaby, 7k, Teen And Up Audiences. “I’ve got to tell you, I don’t usually do this much physical labor for a dude I just met.” “Really? I thought a tough guy like you would be out tarring roofs and mowing lawns for all the guys.” “No, just for the pretty ones. Or the ones who pay me enough.”

In All Our Lives by stoplightglow, 27k, Mature. “Everything’s connected," Gerard says. "It isn’t just art history. Art is history. Art is culture. Without the crucial backbones, it all disappears. So when one timeline gets messed up—” He looks despairingly up at the ceiling. "—it all goes down." For all those times you thought, you know what Bandom is really missing? Time travel, arson, and art history.

Life as a Process by ViciousVenin, 57k, Explicit. Frank's college experience isn't exactly what he was hoping for. He has no idea what he wants to do with his life, his RA scares him, and his roommate Gerard seems pretty weird. Really weird, actually, but not in a bad way. As the two of them get closer, Frank finds that Gerard is one of the most interesting people he's ever met, and cute as fuck to boot. Frank just wishes he could figure out what Gerard is hiding...

Pull by falter, 7k, Not Rated. College is a hell of a lot easier with a steady supply of decent coffee. Too bad that's not what Frank's getting.

[ultrahpfan5blog]

Rewatching Snyderverse Part 2 - Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Before this movie came out, I was unimaginably excited. I am a 90′s kid, so I grew up watching BTAS and STAS and then Justice League and Justice League Unlimited. So watching Batman and Superman interact on screen for the first time was something I was so ready for. Plus, on top of that we had Wonder Woman in the movie as well. There was no way this movie could be less than awesome. I hadn’t loved Man of Steel, but I thought it was decent enough that Snyder could build on it if he kept his worst impulses a bit more restrained. Unfortunately what happened was that he just doubled down on a lot of things that I had a problem with in MoS and introduced a host of new issues as well. When I had initially walked out of the theatrical edition, I was desperately trying to convince myself that I liked the movie. It took a couple of more rewatched to get over my denial that I really didn’t like it much at all. I watched the UE much later and while its an improvement, it doesn’t convert it into a good movie.

Firstly the good parts, Ben Affleck essentially carries the film. When he was cast, I was indifferent because I hadn’t seen enough of him to have an opinion either way. But he was really good. He’s not quite Christian Bale, but Bale had the benefit of better writing. But he really delivers as the bitter and hardened Bruce Wayne/Batman. He carries off the charismatic womenizing business man side as well as the brutal Batman side of the character with equal ease. Jeremy Irons is also an excellent Alfred. I quite enjoyed how Snyder made the Bruce/Alfred dynamic more of two colleagues working together compared to the more father/son relationship of the Nolan movies, Irons really delivers the only bits of humor in the movie. Gal Gadot as WW was a surprise bit of casting. I didn’t think much of her as an actress from the F&F movies and sometimes her dialogue delivery is still a little suspect but she was quite a badass as Diana/WW. And her appearances and scenes, especially alongside Affleck, are pretty good. The visual aspect of this scene is impeccable. There are some glorious shots accompanied perfectly by the score. The shot of Superman saving the girl from a burning building and the people treating him like a god, the Superman memorial sequence, its all very well shot and composed. The entire opening sequence is glorious and you truly get the weight of the horror that regular people would have experienced when the battle of Metropolis happened. You can never make complaints of Zack Snyder as a visual director. The action is superb. The Batman warehouse scene might be the most badass superhero fight sequence I have ever seen, rivalled only by the Spider-man 2 train sequence and TWS highway fight. The Batman and Superman titular fight is also well done as is the final fight sequence. There are interesting ideas planted in this movie. The idea of a world grappling with the existence of Superman and how he fits within our society is genuinely fascinating.

But unfortunately, Snyder does a lot more wrong in this movie than he does right. Firstly, I just felt embarrassed for Henry Cavill in this movie. Any charisma and warmth he showed in MoS is just sucked dry by the layers of misery the film just piles on. Cavill spends the entire movie just scowling and grimacing and I don’t even feel I can blame him because that’s what Snyder has him do. Its just a royal waste of an actor who looks like he is the perfect casting for the role. Amy Adams has a reasonably substantial role and Lois and she’s fine, but it feels throughout that the film is trying to find a way to keep her relevant because they have committed to the idea of her being the key. There is an entire sequence where she throws away the Kryptonite spear, then has to retrieve it, and then almost drowns in the process. That’s where the film feels like its trying way too hard to give Lois Lane something to do. Like with MoS, I just don’t buy the Cavill and Adams chemistry and therefore its all the more difficult to accept the idea that she’s the key to Superman. Jesse Eisenberg is pretty terrible as Lex Luthor. I don’t know what Snyder was thinking. Again, I kind of have difficulty laying blame on Eisenberg because he gives a very Eisenberg performance, which is what Snyder must have been going for. It just doesn’t work at all. He just comes off as an unstable person right from the beginning. There are one or two scenes where he hits the right note, but otherwise its a very cringey performances and it really affects the film negatively. There is a whole host of talented actors who are wasted like Holly Hunter, Laurence Fishburne, and Diane Lane. 

The film is just so over plotted. Its like 3 movies fighting for space in one movie and it works against each movie. There is a compelling Batman movie in here, along with a pretty dull Superman movie, along with a Justice League setup film. The theatrical edition had some terrible editing and there were subplots that just didn’t make sense. The UE is definitely a more coherent movie as it makes the africa plot make more sense and gives some of the scenes more room to breathe, but the truth is that I was bored for about 2 hours of the UE. So much of it is just dull conversation and posturing between characters. The only parts where the film comes to life is when Affleck and Irons are on screen. I have no problem with an action lite superhero movie, but then the dialogue and the situations need to be compelling and not so monotonous. The film also just does not have enough time to suitably come up with a reason why Batman and Superman would want to fight. I mean, I really liked Affleck but the justifications he comes up with to want to straight up murder Superman make no sense. He’s a bit of an idiot and gets manipulated by Lex way too easily. If you really pick apart the Lex Luthor plot, it would unravel so easily because it relied on some many things that were beyond his control. Superman’s reason to be against Batman has a bit more in the UE, but its still not enough. Then there is the completely ham handed Justice League setup. I mean, someone who has no idea of Injustice or deep DC mythology would have no clue what the Knightmare sequence was and what the Flash cameo meant. I now have more context having read what Snyder planned to do, but at the time it didn’t make any sense. We still have no clue why Bruce is having these future memory flashes/dreams. Not to mention the ridiculous JL setup videos, set with logos for all the heroes. The idea that someone at Lexcorp spent the time to come up with the superhero logos for WW, Flash, Aquaman, and Cyborg was just too funny. Its just the most lazy way to do a JL setup. Of course there is the infamous Martha scene which is a ridiculous scene no matter how you choose to explain it. I know what the point was. Doesn’t make the execution an less silly. Then on top of that we get thrown into a Doomsday/death of Superman story in the last half hour. Doomsday basically looks like a big mutated turtle. I recognize that Doomsday is not the most nuanced character, even in the comics, but surely he deserves better than this. There have been animated films and cartoons that have adapted Doomsday much better. Like with MoS, this film also ends with an three back to back action sequences with no room to breathe, though I admit that I enjoyed the action sequences here more than in MoS.

Anyways, the film ended up a big disappointment for me and a lot of my issues stem with decisions that Snyder clearly made with the characters and with the story. The UE was definitely better but not by a huge amount. The theatrical edition was a 3/10, and the UE was about a 4-4.5/10 for me. I have heard that ZSJL is the best of his DC movies. Hopefully that turns out to be the case.