#anyway. thinking of it this way makes it make a lot more sense to me why loop can't get magicked back to their old timeline | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

twstfanblog · 2 days ago

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*~Period Drama~* Friday

A/N: It's here, the finale! Thank you all for coming on this trip with me. Time to focus on my other projects. Another BIG THANK YOU to @bun-lapin for allowing me to use her fun OC's. WordCount: 11.3K Warnings: Brief Mentions of Roe V Wade, One Instance of Vomiting, She/They OC Pronouns Start, Saturday (Octavinelle), Sunday (Heartslabyul), Monday (Savanaclaw), Monday pt2 (Diasomnia pt.1), Tuesday (Diasomnia pt2), Wednesday (Pomefiore), Thursday (Scarabia), Friday (Here)

~Taglist~

@twistedcece @deltrea @krenenbaker @koebishrimpuwu @cat100200 @emyluwinter @obsessionswithfandoms @ady-hilborn @lucid-stories @girl-nahh-two @itz-hydrodeptus-foxy7 @chyluna @riddlesimps @death-the-jo @a-twistedheartslonging @qixlin @chaosistheonlyway @welcome-to-my-horde @abell2029cluster @kirans-wonderland @coffee-or-hot-cocoa @the-ace-reader @iamsoconfusedallofthetime @chroniccorvus @marvelous-maxi @prolonged-eyecontact @lozplayer @jabberwocky-warrior @thateldribitch @bun-lapin @mel1rose @ladyraeka @ladyzsgolla @kimdourden @noncreativepage-blog @girl-nahh-two @shironakuronatasa @colombia-chan @roseapov @anunholyabomination @koebi-channnn @noises-of-nothing @creatorbiaze

Ignihyde had no actual business looking the way it did. Even Diasomnia in its full gothic structure wasn't as shit-brick-inducing as the horrifying image the Hades dorm gave. Yuu gave a small, awkward nod to each glowing-eyed skeleton they passed on the stairway. Feeling the internal pull to acknowledge them even though Ortho and Idia had said they were nothing more than decorations multiple times. The very fact they had eyes was more than enough to make Yuu give them a sense of personhood.

The inside was somehow better and worse. While it didn't share the same aesthetic of the outside — damned souls chic — the stark white furniture and structures made the dorm feel like an Apple store. The neon blue light screens everywhere did nothing to change her stance. They could only wonder how fucked the sleep schedules of Ignihyde students were as a whole.

“Oh. What have we here?”

Turning, Yuu nodded in greeting to the man walking closer. “Hi, Mr. Rohdri. Idia called me over for a research thing.”

Eldric Rohdri wasn't a teacher Yuu really saw let alone interacted with. The teacher taught fairly basic classes but everyone on campus knew the only reason he even came to NRC was to teach the technomancy classes. Yuu had learned she was — as Trein referred to it — ‘terrifyingly’ good at hand-crafted magic circles. The skill was only half the equation in technomancy, though. The other half being an actual knowledge of technology. Something Yuu had no will to learn past being able to torrent movies and keyboard shortcuts. As such, she had little reason to talk or meet with the professor outside of staff meetings. Though Crewel had stated the man was almost adorably talkative at times.

The eye-patched man tilts his head, an eyebrow barely twitching, “A meeting…with Idia…in the flesh?”

“I know, weird, right?”

Sighing, Eldric turned his attention back to his light screen tablet and tapped at the screen, “You know, I took this position as dorm advisor because I assumed the Ignihyde lot didn't…socialize…”

“I mean.” Yuu shrugged, a smirk on her lips as she looked off to the side, “In all honesty, what I do is just bullying.”

“True. I haven't had so many maintenance tickets for cracked STYX-pads since the Shroud family backed the funding to ensure every Ignihyde student would have one.”

“I like to think it keeps them on their toes. Teach them to have strong grips, ya know?”

“No, the data shows it just gives them anxiety.” Eldric still hadn't looked up from his tablet, tapping at it in a continuous pace, “But, they normally come with that anyway. So no real harm, I suppose. This talk was…it was a talk. I must be on my way so I will make this quick.”

“Make what quick-” Yuu jumped back, eyes wide as a wall panel beside them opened to multiple mechanical arms and tools reaching out.

Yuu tried to step away, only for one arm to grip them by the bicep and hold them still. In a flurry of movement, tools poked and picked at her, one had even swabbed the inside of her cheek. Multiple lights flashed in their face, realizing as a soft-tipped arm held her eye open that they were being scanned. Once all the tests and samples seemed to be taken, the arms and tools had retreated back into the wall, a single arm staying out to offer a bright-blue sucker.

Eldric patted Yuu on the head before walking away, “Good job. Crewel should be alerted to my findings should anything concerning be found.”

“...” Yuu looked over their shoulder, hair now a mess and clothing vaguely disheveled. Scoffing under their breath, they glare at the mechanical arm holding out the sucker. The machine seemed to sense their eyes and offered it closer to them.

“...” They snatch the sucker from the machine, grumbling as they put it in their mouth and making their way toward Idia’s room. But when the door opened, they mood instantly lifted.

“Prefect Yuu! It's so nice to see you again!” Ortho greeted them, the other Freshmen quickly wrapping his arms around them and pulling them into the room.

“Oh my god! Ortho, you're alive!” Yuu hugged back, laughing at the confused expression Ortho gave once they both released the other.

“Why would I have expired…? Ah! You must have been worried because of the virus I contracted.”

“...” Yuu briefly met eyes with Idia, the third-year quickly shaking his head with the strongest glare he could muster. Looking back at Ortho they nod, “Yeah. I was real concerned about ya, buddy.”

With a giggle, Ortho walked (Floated?) with them closer to Idia’s setup, “Nii-san was able to hard reboot my memory to the day before I got the virus. He said it took so long because I was unresponsive and he isn't able to edit my software of his own accord anymore. Unfortunately, other than the blood samples, I did lose whatever data I collected on Saturday. So I'll be joining you and Nii-san today to learn more about your ailment.”

“That's…so good. You're gonna be ok though right? The…the virus won't affect you again?”

“Unlikely. If Nii-san ever encounters a new virus form, it only takes him a few hours to figure out how it works and how to counter it. I'm now fully protected from all forms of cyber attacks once again!”

“Wonderful…” Yuu fully turned to Idia, kneeing the back of his chair to make the Junior justle in his seat, “Sup, shit rat?”

“Can you be nice to me…for once? At all?”

“Yeah, but I won't.”

Ortho perked up, brows furrowed down but no real anger in his voice as he yelled, “Prefect Yuu! Please be kind to my brother!”

“Of course, anything for you, Ortho.” Yuu leans over, pressing a kiss to Ortho's forehead before looking back to Idia, “Sup, rat?”

Idia scowled, narrowing his eyes, “How is you still calling me a rat nicer?��

“I mean, you're still a little rat.”

Turning back to his screen, Idia’s scowl turned into a pout and he mumbled under his breath, “Ok, the quicker we do this, the quicker you get out of my face…”

Bony fingers clicked against mechanical keys, easing the room into the ASMR sounds while Idia pulled up multiple search tabs to type in the most basic questions he could think of regarding the ‘Refresh Cycle’.

Ortho hummed, tilting his head and already forming one of his hands into a syringe, “Prefect Yuu, may I have another blood sample? Since Jade Leech made me privy to you experiencing hormonal changes, I'd like to compare a new sample with the one I collected on Saturday.”

Holding out her arm, Yuu watched as Idia finished gathering all of his resources, “Go for it, buddy.” They barely felt the pinch as Ortho drew their blood, managing to kick at Idia’s chair without moving their arm in his grasp, “So what are we doing?”

“Level 0 tutorial on the ‘Magic Circulation System’ and the ‘Refresh Cycle’. Most health classes are in middle school and after looking over your class schedule, I noticed you don't have a biology subject in any of your academic roadmaps…”

“Yeah, I don't really care for the sciences…”

“Well, you should. So before we get grinding on your weird, alien blood ritual, we're gonna go over the home server basics.”

“Keep fuckin’ talkin’. I can and will break your nose again.”

“Anyway…” Idia pulled up a screen, pointing to it as he spoke, “The Inner Magical System, or the more medically accepted term, Magical Circulation System is the system that regulates the movement of magic through the body. The system isn’t studied as much as we'd want. Observing living subjects has only given us the information that the MCS is normally one-for-one with the body's vascular and nervous system…”

He clicked over to another page displaying a diagram that reminded Yuu of the photos Crewel had shown them nearly a week ago.

“The pathways of MCS are able to fluctuate which is how we were able to notice them once technology advanced enough to be able to view magic on scans. While everyone in Twisted Wonderland all have an MCS, mages’ MCS pathways are noticeably thicker and have more branch-off points. This difference is the current theory on why mages are able to cast magic and the average npc isn't.”

“How the fuck is this a theory? Do you guys know or not?” Yuu glanced at the bandages Ortho had excitedly presented to her, picking out one with a teary-eyed pomegranate.

Idia sighed, pulling up a new tab, “The MCS isn't easy to study. It's still only a theory that there are actual physical pathways. Seeing how in post-mortem, subjects’ MCS rapidly decay. Not to mention since it's interwoven with other systems…” Idia looked at the image of what doctors and various researchers had deemed a healthy MCS reading, “Magic isn't easily studied either; it's everywhere, but it can be dangerous to or easily disrupted by outside forces. Which is why every approved study is a long trial-and-error process…”

Yuu tilted their head to lean against Idia’s shoulder, ignoring the Junior trying to wiggle his body away from them, “Isn't your family's whole thing the shadow government study of magic and aggressive kidnapping?”

Ortho giggles, taking space on Idia’s other shoulder as he pointed to other displays on the screen, “STYX's main field of study is Blot-related magics studies and aggressive kidnapping. Though, in recent years, mom has been making impressive strides in all manners of scientific fields…”

“Your mom is great; I think if she came out with a microchip you put in your brain, I'd trust it.”

“Prefect Yuu, what would the microchip do? Oh! Would it be a new way to watch videos and call friends?”

“Ortho, please. Don't tell mom about that. She might actually get started on it. But, back on subject. We don't know a lot on MCS still but we seem to at least have discovered the basics.”

Idia clicks over to a new window, a lineup of bodies on the screen as he continued, “Compared to other species of Twisted Wonderland, humans have the most constant but ‘weaker’ structure compared to the others. Overall, a good starter base model if we were picking mains…Beastmen and Merfolk vary in variety. Because of their biology and the general fact Merfolk have the option to commute between land and sea, their MCS are more flexible. It's also been studied that due to this — should their systems be damaged — they have a higher healing rate and are less likely to have lasting damage.”

Ortho pointed to the last example, while the other three were clearly outlines of adults the last was the vague shape of an adult, “Fae MCS are the least studied both from most Fae not wanting to participate and also their readings overloading the scanners.”

Idia nods, “Fae MCS nearly overlaps every last internal system they have. For a Fae to lose or damage their MCS is basically inciting total organ failure. But back to what we're supposed to be focusing on, the Refresh Cycle.”

More clicking and Idia shows a page with a prominent photo of a uterus diagram, “The Refresh Cycle is a specific process where a uterus draws in the body's magic to replenish the lining. The process is taxing on the individual leading to bodily fatigue, cravings, and mood swings. It only lasts a day or rarely two. Should it last longer, it's highly recommended you speak to a doctor.”

“Fucking whores…” Yuu glared at the screen, scowling as they muttered under their breath.

Ortho perked up, “Oh! Nii-San did more research at my request on Saturday, once I was alerted that you were not assaulted. It turns out this has been documented in history. The only figures that matched your timeline and symptoms were the Queen of Hearts and her two daughters. Though, such reports decreased over the years, only popping up briefly for the next generation before never being reported again in the bloodlines.”

“It caused just as much panic as your splash out did.” Idia clicked on an article titled ‘The Queen of Hearts and her Bloody Mystery’, “I'll send this to you to read over.”

“Thanks…So, bloody pussy isn’t a natural thing here, huh?”

Both Ortho and Idia cringe, the Junior looking away to search for the proper cable for their next steps, “Not unless it's a really rough birth or…you know, assault. It doesn't last long, no way as long as seven days…hand me your phone.”

“Yep.”

Yuu’s smartphone was an object of interest to Idia, ever since she first came into his room asking for his help on properly connecting it to their new school-issued tablet. Idia could only theorize at the spell graft that was affecting the phone to give it the ability to transcend through dimensions. A mystery he was willing to let fester seeing how misaligning a single part of the — no doubt cosmically complex — spell graft, the phone could be rendered completely useless. Or even explode. He wasn't entirely sure which was most likely…

In the end, all he could do was write up his own graft to act as a free-for-all access point. Attaching it to a few USB cords fixed the problem of universal connection, no matter how terrifying the combo made him feel with it in Yuu's hands.

The group all stood in silence, watching an instant flash of runes and elemental symbols glitch across the screen before settling on the Google homepage.

Yuu smiled, “Aw. The homepage is cute today. Idia, take a screenshot.”

He did as he was asked, mumbling under his breath about Google being a dumb name. He poised his hands over his keyboard only to freeze. He looked at Yuu from the side of his eyes, “Um…what am I searching up?”

Ortho hummed, “Well. It's best to just ask, isn't it? A simple ‘What is a period?’ should give us the answers we seek…”

And it did. In the most basic of terms, a period was the shedding of the uterus lining should the egg not be fertilized by a sperm.

Yuu hummed, “Yeah, pussy pee-” she suddenly choked, glancing at Ortho in worry before looking back at the screen, “Vaginal wallpaper replacement.”

“...” Ortho creased his brows, glancing at Yuu from the corner of his eyes, “You are aware the ‘vagina’ is…not the correct term, aren't you?”

Idia spoke up, glancing at Yuu in mild judgment, “Yeah. Riddle and Jade asked me about that. From the first scans, we share the same hardware biology-wise. But like…you don't seem to know any real terms-”

“Oh my fucking GOD. Shut up. I know, ok? The vagina is multiple parts and all that bullshit. It's just easier to call it all the vagina, get off my dick.”

“That's not convincing me you know the names of your reproductive parts, Prefect Yuu…”

“Fuck you guys.”

“Hmmm…but…why does it remove itself? Wouldn't it stay inside? Instead of shedding, shouldn’t it simply heal if there’s damage?” Ortho tilts his head, a lightscreen projecting from his hand, “Maybe it works in the way scar tissue does…? But, if that were true, then removal is the best course of action…” Ortho looked up from his tablet, raising an eyebrow to Yuu, “Do you have any more information on the process, Prefect Yuu? Past test results have shown a hormonal difference from last week to this point.”

“I don’t fucking know.”

Idia frowned, glaring at Yuu, “This is your fucking body. How do you not know how shit works?”

“I've told you guys. The healthcare of my home nation is basically be rich or die. And even if you are rich, they may still let you die.”

“Prefect Yuu, that's so comically evil, I can only think it's a lie. But, if that's true then you should be even more conscious about your health!”

“Too expensive. My family just picked to be lucky and hope we don't get sick and die.”

Idia gestured to the screen, the multiple links on the page to show just how ‘researched’ their mysterious ailment was, “You literally have a smartphone capable of searching for this shit on your own time!? How do you not know anything past the literal bare bones!?”

Yuu glared at Idia, jabbing their finger hard into his chest and making the third-year wince, “Fuck you! If a NASA worker doesn't know all the facts about a period, then I get a fucking pass!”

“What is NASA!?”

“It's the fucking space people- hold on.” Yuu elbowed Idia, sending him rolling off to the side as they took over the keyboard, “There's a fucking song about it.”

“You have real aliens?” Ortho looked at the screen in wonder, “Is Sally Ride the alien's name?”

Yuu smiled, clicking a YouTube video, “No, Ortho. She was an astronaut. She went to space.”

“You can send people into space!?”

Idia rolled back to the two, pouting as he grumbled, “Your country's sent people to space, but you don't know how a period works-”

“Shut up and listen to the fucking song.”

Luckily, the video seemed to be short. Both of them prepped to take the information with a grain of salt, seeing how the channel name was ‘Comedy Central’.

Remember when NASA sent a woman to space, for only six days, and they gave her…

100 tampons~

…

And asked, “Will that be enough?”

Idia nor Ortho were sure if it was or wasn't in reality either. But by the crowd's reaction of immediate laughter, it clearly was not. Idia turned to Yuu, opening his mouth to ask if 100 was too many or too little, only to have the song continue.

Cause they didn't know if that was enough~

These are our nation's greatest minds

They are literally rocket scientists

They also tied the tampons together,

By the strings like sausages

100 tampons

100 tampons~

Ortho and Idia could only stand in muted silence at what they hoped was a dramatic retelling of what actually happened. The woman's voice managed to carry across the pure awkward energy that must have coated the entire conversation. Ortho was the one to pause the video once the second song spoke about the same men creating a ‘make-up kit’ for space.

The silence in the room was only broken by the quiet hum of Idia’s tower and Yuu's muffled laughter.

Idia finally spoke up, rolling his eyes and folding his arms in an effort to minimize his own secondhand embarrassment, “Okay! But, like, we didn't know either so you can't blame them!? Would you even know how many to bring!?”

Yuu smiled at Idia, shrugging their shoulders, “I mean if I was excessive and it was my period week? Maybe like 30…40 tops?”

Ortho had tilted his head down, brows furrowed in pure confusion, “How…does one use a tampon…? What are the strings for? Why did they tie them together?”

“Ortho, I wish I could tell you…”

“Well! You said this is space science right!? Space and biology are vastly different skill trees, it makes sense they didn't know!”

“Sure, but like…you get a pass on not knowing because you two have never dealt with a period before. These were grown-ass men with wives, sisters, mothers, and daughters. All of which probably got periods.” Yuu shrugged again, grabbing one of Idia’s unopened energy drinks and cracking it open for herself, “So, my point, I'm allowed to not know shit. Because even the smartest assholes didn't know if a single adult woman would need 100 tampons for a six-day trip into space, nor did they even try to guesstimate an actual number.”

…

Idia sighed, holding his head limply in his hands, “...I'm tired…”

“Aw. Look at you, speaking like an American…”

“Prefect Yuu, do you know of…any actual sources of research? Preferably not in comedic song form…”

“...” Sipping the energy drink, Yuu typed at the computer one-handed, “My friend Maxine watched this lady a lot. I think she's a OGBYN?”

Idia made a face, not able to discern the acronym, “OGBYN?”

“I…yeah? Like a pregnancy doctor?”

“But you get a period if you're not pregnant?”

“It's- hold on…” Yuu opens a new tab, quickly googling for the full name, “Ok. Do you have Obstetricians/Gynecologists? It's that.”

Ortho widens his eyes, “Ah! That's a rare occurance to have both titles…”

“Is it?”

Idia nods, digging up his old knowledge from health classes, “Obstetricians here are only really required for ultra-danger level of births. A large population gets by with just biannual visits to their gynecologist and consulting with a midwife. Birth isn't really…I guess…” The wrong word to use was hard, difficult was no better, “...Threatening…?”

“To have both professional titles be the standard is mildly concerning…Is birth seen as more perilous in your world, Prefect Yuu?”

“I’ve never been pregnant, so I can't give firsthand experience. But just…a lot can go wrong, I guess? Both mom and baby's health can turn on a dime. Postpartum issues and stuff can get really bad too…”

“How so? Don't the hospital, family, and loved ones support the mother after the birth?”

“Yeah, the struggles and strife of women aren't really important where I come from.”

“...Why?”

“Because the world hates women, I guess. Starting the video.”

“What-”

This video was wildly more informative. The doctor spoke in easy-to-understand terms, drawing out diagrams and clearly showing the variables one could deal with in their period. She had even excitedly explained the beginning processes of pregnancy. By the end, Ortho had made more than enough notes on the actual hormones involved with the process to begin cross-dimensional research with Riddle and Jade.

Smiling, Ortho turned to Yuu and tilted his head, “That must have been a very nice refresher course. Did it help you remember any information from a prior health class, Prefect Yuu?”

“Ortho, I'm not going to say this again. I don't fucking know. The only health class I had was in elementary school and that was literally just to tell us that a period means we’ve become a woman and are gonna start bleeding now. We didn't learn any of this shit if I remember right.”

“...” Ortho opens his eyes, “What?”

Idia leaned closer, “Wait, they didn't…teach you about this?”

“I mean it was only like a day or two. We learned about what to expect and how to use pads and tampons. And that if we have sex we'd get pregnant. They gave us gift bags of chocolates…”

“...You're lying. You have to be lying. That is such a barebones tutorial.”

Ortho moved past Yuu, eyes now laser-focused on the screen as he started to type, “What were the health classes like in your world?”

“Aaaah! No! Don't type that shit in!” Though she tried, Ortho wasn't moved by her shoving and pulling. Instead, she stood with a hand over her eyes as Ortho and Idia read over the most relevant topics dealing with ‘health classes’.

“...”

“...Prefect Yuu.”

“I don't wanna talk about it.”

Idia was squinting at the screen, opening multiple new tabs to speed read through with Ortho, “They’re getting rid of health classes for elementary students? How do you ban talking about puberty with elementary schoolers? That's like… the tail end is when it starts doesn't it?”

“I don't wanna talk about it.”

“Wait, Nii-san, what is Roe Vs Wade? There's a lot of users in the comment section talking about it.”

“We can search it.”

Yuu sighed as the two quickly read through a brief article, dipping their head down lower and starting to slowly shake it, “Please, don't-”

“WAIT, THAT CAN HAPPEN!?”

“WHY!?” Ortho turned around, hands bracing against Yuu's shoulders and shaking her though her expression didn't change, “WHY WAS THAT EVEN A CHOICE TO MAKE!?”

“...” Yuu's face pinched, taking in a shaking breath before she leaned forward to rest against Ortho's shoulder.

The robot stood stunned, even Idia pausing in his yelling to watch the magicless mage in concern, “...Yuu-”

“Give me a minute.”

The two sat in silence, allowing Yuu to work through their own internal struggle and softly cry into Ortho's —undoubtedly uncomfortable — shoulder. Soon, she took in another big breath, pulling away to discreetly wipe at their eyes.

Idia passed over the open energy drink, “Do you…want to talk about it?”

“Not at all. Can you, like, exit out of those, honestly?”

“Yeah.” Ortho had already exited the pages before Idia could even reach for the mouse again, leaving behind the YouTube video of the smiling doctor.

Yuu sniffles, sipping at the drink before laughing slightly, “Click that video.”

“This one?” Ortho squinted his eyes at the screen, “...Trying the Period Simulator?”

Idia perked up at the word ‘simulator’. Eyeing the screen with renewed interest as the video played, “Wait. You can stimulate a period with a machine? There should be plenty of research then.”

“Not really. Every period's different and not everyone feels pain the same way. Plus It doesn't really…stimulate a period. It more so just tries to recreate cramps…”

Yuu started to smile. Slow and creeping, the longer they watched the video and the sound of pain increased with every new level on the machine. Taking one last sip of their drink, they looked over to Idia’s concerned face, "Hey, Idia…you wanna make something fun?”

“Um-”

Ortho had instantly caught on. His head snapping away from the screen so fast Yuu would have been worried if he had an actual neck, eyes nearly vibrating from how manic He seemed, “I do!”

“That's the spirit, Ortho!”

Unsurprisingly, with how excited Ortho was, the machine only took two days to complete. Yuu and the Shroud brothers had set the machine up in one of the vacant rooms of Ramshackle, a mass text being sent out for everyone to come to the dorm before it got too late in the evening. A follow-up text stating attendance was mandatory.

Idia looked over, raising an eyebrow at Leona and Ruggie who were already lounging around, “I didn't think you two were gonna be the first ones here…”

Ruggie shrugged, a lazy smile on his face as he looked off to the side, “I mean we were already here.”

“Why are y'all always just in my fucking house?” Yuu had casted them a side glare, “Gonna make you fuckers start paying rent.”

Yuu was hooked up to the simulator, doing last-minute testing with Ortho to make sure the machine was working properly. They'd been standing still, their eyes narrowing every few moments before instructing Ortho to turn the level up.

As Yuu reached the highest level, she nodded, “Yeah, that's as good as we’re gonna get. Past the lack of other stuff, you and Idia made this more accurate than the one from my world, I think.”

Ortho giggled, helping Yuu remove the nodes on their back, “Well, there were a lot of other symptoms that we couldn't replicate without putting someone in a full-body simulation.” He closed his eyes, hanging his head in sadness, “And the hormonal changes we would have attempted to recreate are deemed as ‘Uncivil’ torture methods.”

“...” Yuu raised an eyebrow, “What are the civil ones?”

At that moment, Riddle, Trey, and Cater had entered. Riddle already giving Yuu a stern glare as he folded his arms, “I don't have the context of this conversation, but civil or not; torture is very illegal.”

Both Yuu and Ortho boo, Yuu dramatically pointing toward Riddle who only intensified his glare, “No fun haver! No fun haver!”

Riddle huffed, stomping his foot only once as Yuu and Ortho kept chanting, “Torture is illegal and that is final!”

Leona snorted, "Not in a few countries…”

Yuu gasped, turning to Ortho with a giddy expression, “Ortho~! Vacay locations!”

“Yay, torture!”

Idia frowned, Riddle nearly glowing from how red his face was, “And you guys wonder why I don't like them hanging out…”

It took both Cater and Trey's combined powers to get Yuu and Ortho to stop planning a ‘Torture Tour’. The two Juniors pointing out that by international law, torture was still very illegal. And if a country was found to be engaging in such methods, they would be punished accordingly. A fact that Ortho simply stated they wouldn't…say which country was engaging in illegal torture methods. A topic that Trey had shut down without mercy.

“Oh!” Yuu hummed, “Before I forget. Riddle, Cater, you guys take the school offered birth control, right?”

Leona scoffed, raising an eyebrow teasingly at Yuu, “Not gonna ask me?”

“Do you take birth control?”

“...No, but you could at least pretend to ask my opinion.”

Cater sighed, folding his arms and tilting his head in question, “Yes. We take the birth control; why do you ask, sweetie?”

“Do you always feel nauseous after taking it or is that a side effect that will stop after a while?”

Riddle's face pinched, “Why didn't you raise this issue with Crewel?”

“Why are you asking this now? Have you been feeling nauseous the whole time taking it?” Cater sounded more alarmed, even Leona looking at Yuu in a more concerned light.

“I mean I just started taking it-”

“Hold up.” Ruggie raised his hand, the bridge of his nose pinched with his other as he spoke, “You mean to say this whole time…for the past six-seven months you've been here — potentially having sex with your multiple boyfriends — you've not been taking birth control?”

“ …Well, when you spell it out like that, it sounds stupid and irresponsible-”

Cater had sighed, shaking his head in disbelief as he tapped at his phone. “We're going to my clinic after I get permission from Crewel.”

“I don't need to go to a clinic.”

“No, you're getting a new prescription.” Cater openly ignored her protests, briefly looking up to smile at Ortho, “Hey, let's get this whole thing started! What are we doing, Ortho?”

“This is my event-”

Ortho gestured to the machine sitting on the table, multiple muscle connectors in his hand, “This is my brother's and I's attempt at a ‘Period Simulator’! While it doesn't stimulate every symptom we've recorded, Yuu has assured us it's very capable of recreating the proper sensation of a period cramp.”

Idia did his best to hide his grin, wondering just how badly some people would fare, “Anyone wanna go first?”

After a beat of silence, Leona stepped forward, “Might as well see what was making you a wreck last Monday.” he lifted his shirt, letting Ortho affix the sensors along his lower stomach and back, “I still can't believe it was bad enough to make you throw up and cry like you were.”

Yuu rolled her eyes, moving beside Idia to work the controls, “Yeah, big talk from a bitch who's never had a period.” After a few moments, Yuu smiles and tilts her head, “How's it feel?”

Leona scoffed, “Like nothing.”

Yuu had set the machine to ‘Seven’ out of the Ten levels, “Yeah, I haven't turned it on yet.”

The second the switch was flipped, Leona let out a single grunt and crumbled to the ground. The Savanaclaw housewarden slowly curled in himself, a single fist clenching so tight a vein was visibly throbbing under his skin.

Everyone blinked in surprise, Ruggie rushing over to hover his hands over Leona, “H-hey! What's happening!?”

Leona had barely lasted twenty seconds, everyone yelling in panic around his prone form as he slowly dug his claws into the hardwood floors. Luckily, he managed to gather enough willpower to lift his head, pupils shrunken to pinpricks as he gasped out, “Turn this shit off.”

Yuu relented, flipping the machine off and allowing Leona to finally relax and breathe out a loud sigh of relief. Ruggie had already started to remove the sensors from Leona's body when they spoke, “So, how was your one minute period?”

“You were not feeling that…!” Leona fumbled in standing, Trey and Ruggie more so dragging than helping him up. Though the constant spasming and clenching of his inner muscles had stopped, his body suddenly being wracked with pain made him jelly-legged.

Laughing, Yuu shrugged, “I mean, my period hangs around a ‘Six’ or 'Seven’ on my own pain scale if I don't take pain meds. Not like… A ‘Ten’ which is ‘I gotta get to a hospital’ pain, but in range to be ‘a little homicidal’ pain.”

Trey had helped Leona to an armchair, gesturing to the machine as Leona melted into the seat, “Is that thing safe?”

Ortho nodded, “Of course! We did trial runs and everything. Honestly, Prefect Yuu says it feels more along a ‘Three’ of her pain scale at max power. But, I believe with a bit more testing, we can successfully create a one-for-one simulation!”

“Keep that shit away from me.” Ruggie shook his head, sticking close to a still groaning Leona, “Mandatory or not, I'm not tryin’ that thing.”

“You may be spared. Leona's reaction was more than I could have hoped for.”

Leona moved one of his arms from his middle, raising a middle finger to Yuu.

Ortho chimes in, holding up the pads with a gleeful expression, “Who wants to go next?”

The silence that followed was comical, each boy looking at the other with poorly hidden concern and fear. Before long, Trey sighed and stepped forward.

“I'll go. This feels like a situation where we're not getting off unless Yuu's felt we had enough…” He lifted his shirt, already twitching lightly as Ortho stuck the pads to his stomach and back, “Don't put it on too high, ok?”

Yuu giggled, setting the machine to five, “I'll give you the ‘average special’. Not the worst, not the easiest.” Seeing Trey properly hooked up, she tilted her head, “Ready?”

“You'd still turn it on-oh, okay.” Trey had taken a step back, face grimacing as the pain hit him all at once.

Cater had his phone out, held low but at an angle to still capture Trey in the camera, “How you feelin’, Trey?”

“It's…ah…it's coming in…in moments-Mmmmmm this feels wrong.” Trey took slow, controlled breaths. He gently rocked back and forth, gaining an almost zen before the sound of the front door slamming open downstairs startled him. He choked, spit going down the wrong pipe and losing his focus.

With Trey now on his knees and choking, Cater kept filming but gave Yuu a pleading glance, “Ok, turn it off, he's not…recovering from this.”

“True…you wanna go Cater?”

The Junior left out a single harsh laugh, still filming as Ortho helped a shaking Trey remove the pads from his lower body, “You couldn’t pay me enough to do this. How about I just film everything for future posterity?”

Trey groaned, rubbing his lower back, “Way to avoid the experience…” He turned, smiling and raising an eyebrow to Riddle, “Your turn?”

“...Um…” Riddle's eyes briefly glanced at the door, wondering if he could make a break for it. But hearing the voices in the hallway, he sighed knowing one of them would stop or slow him enough for Yuu to drag him back, “I suppose…”

While he was being fitted, the door opened to show Ace and Deuce covered in grass stains and clumps of dirt.

Riddle frowned, awkwardly folding his arms over Ortho's head, “Why are you both dirty?”

Ace pointed over his shoulder, expression annoyed, “Floyd dropped us.”

Behind the two dirty Freshmen were Floyd and Kalim, the smiley housewarden comfortably kneeling on the mer's shoulders. Jade, Azul, and Jamil following behind the two.

Jade laughed into his hand, eyeing his twin subtly, “He got tired of carrying them.”

Looking around the room, brows furrowing together at the scene of both Leona and Trey slumped over, Azul asked, “What…are we doing…?”

Idia snickered, letting Yuu take over the controls, “We made a machine that can simulate the cramps Yuu's had the past few days. We're running a gauntlet to see who can actually stand up to it. You wanna test your skills, Azul-Shii?”

Floyd tugged at the pads attached to Riddle's stomach and lower back, smiling lazily with Kalim still on his shoulders, “These little things are gonna shock you or something?”

Azul hummed, adjusting his glasses as he glanced over Riddle, “Maybe…I'd rather see this process firsthand than go in blind.”

Yuu spoke up, smiling as she messed with dials and switches, “Riddle, I'm giving you a ‘Three’. Because I think anything higher would actually kill you.”

Riddle glancing nervously at Yuu, “Parden, can this pain be fatal?”

“Possibly, I don't know.”

“Wha-aaaaaaaaaaaah!” Riddle cut himself off suddenly, the weak sensation making his insides twist and pinch in an unfamiliar fashion.

Floyd had surged forward — leaving Kalim to tumble off of his shoulders and to be barely caught by Jamil and Azul. He fretted over Riddle in his own way, hands up to hover over his boyfriend's hunched-over body.

“Goldfishie? Is it really that bad…?”

Riddle's only response was to let out a groan, his breathing slowly picking up as another pang of pain hits him. Floyd had just barely sent a glare to Yuu before she shut the machine off.

“You good? I only gave you a three…”

Standing back up, the redhead tried to subtly wipe a few tears away from his eyes, “It was…very unpleasant. Reminded me of…hunger pains.”

“Oh shit, my bad, Riddle.”

Sighing, letting Ortho and Floyd take the sensors off his body Riddle continued, “It's no fault of yours. I was aware this process was painful for you, but I couldn't fathom it…felt like that…”

Deuce muttered, eyeing the pads with curiosity, “Is it really that bad?”

Yuu gestures to the pads, eyebrows raised, “Wanna try it for yourself?”

While Deuce was looking at the pads, clearly weighing his options, Ace scoffed and rubbed the back of his head, “You couldn't pay me to try that…”

“Oh, I wasn't expecting you to, pussy.”

“Oi.”

Yuu shrugged, smiling as Deuce was already allowing Ortho to hook him into the machine, “What? I'm agreeing with you, pussy. You don't have to try, pussy.”

Ace was already standing beside Deuce, scowling as he took one pad off of the other freshman’s back, “Shut up. I'm doing your stupid little challenge.”

Ace barely lasted thirty seconds, crumbling under muscle spasms while Deuce kept himself standing through sheer willpower alone. The redhead was on his knees, fists balled tight and curled as small as he could be in a fetal position. He took in wheezing breaths, letting out long and strained sighs.

He tapped out when Yuu turned the setting up to ‘Eight’. A hand waving at Ortho frantically to remove the pads along his midsection. Deuce had barely choked, face turning red as he strained harder to keep himself standing. While Ace was being freed from the electric pulses, Deuce’s expression had turned more and more distressed the longer he stood. Yuu had turned the dial to ‘Nine’ when Deuce let out a loud yell and started to pull the sensors off of himself by force.

“NO. NOPE. DONE. I ALMOST SHAT MYSELF.”

Ace, who was curled up on the ground arms around his middle, let out a bubble of a giggle from his groaning.

Leona sat up straighter, eyes wide in a sudden epiphany, “That’s the feeling!”

Trey nodded, having given up his seat to let Riddle sit and rest, “Yeah, that is a good way of describing what it feels like. Past the pain, it’s like you need to…really take a shit.”

Riddle mumbled, sending an annoyed glance to Ace now cackling on the floor, “I’d rather we say ‘stomachache’ than…defecating.”

Yuu, laughing along with Ace turned to the other group of boys, “Anyone else wanna try?”

Floyd and Jade had simply looked at each other before grinning. They were hooked up quickly, both Trey and Riddle excusing themselves and wishing the other’s luck in their ‘torture sessions’.

Looking over the dials, Yuu spoke, “I’ll give you guys a ‘Five’ to start off with. I wanna see one of you guys make it to ‘Ten’.”

The machine was barely on for two seconds before Floyd was ripping the pads off of his body, his once playful expression dropping instantly at the flash of pain, “I don’t wanna do this anymore.”

Azul spoke up, eyeing the machine with even more distrust than before, “That’s a record…”

Yuu turned to Jade, the other twin still hooked up but eyebrows furrowed together, “Still wanna try for ‘Ten’?”

He’s only response was to give a thumbs up, a little approving hum in his throat.

Jade getting to ‘Ten’ was a feat in itself. The Sophomore had managed to ‘Seven’ before he physically started to show signs of distress. All the way to ‘Ten’, Jade had started to let out sharp and shrill clicks and growls. His expression starting to nash as he bared his teeth in a show of hostile energy, his hands flexing with the barely concealed urge to rip into something unfortunate enough to get too close.

Idia had quickly turned the machine off once Yuu had turned the dial to ‘Ten’, everyone else in the room having been pressed against the walls or furniture in an effort to stay as far away from Jade as possible. As his brain slowly eased back into its front conciseness, he blinked and looked around the room.

“Did something…happen?”

Floyd spoke up, Azul, Ace, and Deuce all using him as a shield from Jade's feral display, “Wow, I'm glad we don't have periods; dad would of been dead before we even hatched.”

“Ah. I assume it was bad then?”

Azul poked his head from behind Floyd, “You don't know?”

“No, I blacked out.”

Ruggie spoke up from his place pressed against Leona, “By the Seven…”

Yuu smiled, holding up the other set of sensors toward Azul, “You wanna try now, Azul?”

“Please don't. We love each other, this doesn't need to be how I die today.”

“I wanna try!” Kalim had instantly popped up from behind Jamil, eyes shining in glee as he instantly moved to Jade’s place.

“Kalim, no.” Jamil had moved, stopping Kalim from lifting his shirt, “You can’t just,” Sighing he gently shoved the other boy away from the machine, “You can’t just try something like this. There’s no telling how you could react to this.”

“React to what?”

Vil and Rook walked into the room, the Pomefiore housewarden raising an eyebrow at the unfamiliar machine.

Yuu smiled, gesturing to the machine as though it were a new car, “We're doing a fun little contest to see who can withstand a period cramp. Jamil was just about to volunteer-”

“No, I wasn't. Once again, I was keeping Kalim from jumping into something he has no grasp of.”

Vil hummed, tilting his head as Rook lit up beside him, “Trés bien! What a glorious act of empathy; to feel along with our beloved petite madame the torture that casted them into turmoil from the last half fortnight!”

“It would be an interesting experience. Though it's impossible to recreate the ailment one for one, we would at least know the physical part of it.” Vil smiled, looking to Jamil with a saccharine smile, “You'll be giving us an example?”

Kalim whined, pushing and pulling Jamil’s arm, “Please? If you try and say it's okay, then me and Vil can try. Please~?”

“...” Jamil sighed, holding his hands out for the grouping of pads in Yuu's hands, “Don't put it on the highest setting…”

“Jamil…I could never…to you.”

The Scarabia vice was no stranger to pain nor stressful situations. But the sudden rolling waves of clenching and spasms in his lower stomach gave him pause. In what could be described as ‘The Five Stages of Grief’ Jamil's expressions twisted and melded as he stood silent. Finally, he rested on ‘Acceptance’ his face falling back into his normal neutral expression. He took in one last breath, sighing out as he now stood as though nothing was wrong.

“Okay. This is unpleasant, I feel like I'm being kicked in the stomach by a toddler over and over. I may overblot again.”

Vil raised an eyebrow, “Oh?”

“Yeah, this is torture.”

Kalim hummed, eyes now holding an edge of concern, “Is it really that bad?”

“Well, it's not baking a fucking cake, I'll tell you that.”

“OMG, you have PMS. Tracks.” Yuu smiled, gently clicked the knob to ‘Seven’ and barely holding in her giggles as Jamil started to quickly detach the sensors from his body.

“No. No, I will actually try to kill someone again if I keep that on longer.” Jamil gave Yuu a mild glare. He sighs, rolling his eyes as Kalim rushed over and excitedly waited for Ortho to hook him up, “That was deeply unpleasant…”

Yuu only responded by making a kissy face, turning the dials to lower settings. Her eyes glance over to Kalim, the boy beaming and bouncing on his heels, “Ready?”

“Ready!”

The machine was only set to a ‘Three’, but the second the sensation had hit Kalim he stopped bouncing on the balls of his feet. His expression slowly but steadily dropped into neutrality and then quickly into distress.

Jamil spoke up, “Kalim-”

“Turn it off.”

Yuu snickered, but moved to flip the machine off, “Kalim, you only had a ‘Three’, don’t you-”

“Turn it off.”

The machine was off, Ortho and Jamil quickly removed the patches from Kalim’s sides. The housewarden in question turned to Yuu, eyes wide in barely contained hysteria.

“Why did that make me relive every trauma I’ve had?”

Yuu blinked, unmoved by his concern, “Kalim, that's just what a period does sometimes.”

Cater spoke up, glaring softly at Yuu while he muttered under his breath, “Yeah, because that's totally healthy and normal to feel once a month…” He ended the video, smiling toward Ortho, "I actually had other plans today, can you keep recording for me, Ortho?"

"Got it, Cater Diamond!"

Jamil had Kalim half draped across his shoulders, the housewarden mumbling in their region’s dialect, “I'm going to take him back to the dorm before he has a full-blown episode. Once you’re done with your torture machine, break it. Please. I'm begging you.”

Yuu scoffed, rolling her eyes “It's not torture-”

Azul placed a hand on Yuu's, smiling softly once she looked at him, “Oh, my dearest pearl. The only way to describe what you went through is torture, Plain and simple. And on that fact, I and the twins shall be taking our leave, as well.”

Floyd had laughed, already at the door and holding it open for Cater and Jamil carrying a still-mumbling Kalim out with him, “Azul doesn't want to risk Shrimpy talking him into doing it.”

“Don't give her ideas. Farewell, my pearl and others. Hopefully, you all have a more pleasant day than what it’s been…”

Yuu raises an eyebrow, “You and Ruggie don't wanna leave yet?”

Leona smirked, shaking his head as he was fully relaxed in the armchair, “Oh no. This is more fun than you said it was gonna be. I'm enjoying myself, Feral.”

Ruggie tilted his head, smiling at Ortho, “Oi, Ortho. Were you gonna try it?”

Ortho blinked, “Ruggie Bucchi, I don’t have internal organs.”

Idia muttered under his breath, glaring at Ruggie from the corner of his eyes, “Please, my brother’s suffered enough in this life.”

“Then I believe it is my turn, non?” Rook excitedly stepped forward, lifting his shirt for Ortho to affix the sensors, “What a rare experience I will endure! One not felt by this generation, past or future.”

“Yeah, I'll put you at ‘Seven’ and go from there.” Yuu flipped the switch.

Rook's eyes widened, his once excited expression turning into a strange hybrid of stunned and panicked. He hunched forward, his lips parted but silent as he slowly eased himself to kneel on the ground.

Yuu quirked an eyebrow, watching the Junior slowly curl in on himself, “Ah, there he goes.”

Vil looked vaguely concerned, folding his arms and tilting enough to see Rook’s face, “Rook…are you alright?”

“I have never felt such a sensation. My insides twisting and gripping in fear, anticipation of dread. The physical grasp of femininity strangles me, punishing my hubris for daring to believe I could stand against such a beautiful force-”

Leona spoke up from his chair, eyes lidded as he caught Yuu’s attention, “Turn it up.”

“Please don’t…”

Yuu giggled, “Want me to turn it off?”

“Please do.”

Leona lamented, claiming Yuu was being soft on her precious Pomefiore boy when she turned the machine off. The Junior finally seeing the pure amusement of this game now that he could witness those who annoyed him on the receiving end.

Rook was up and twirling around when Vil was still getting set up. The Junior was reciting freestyle poetry on the curse and blessings of womanhood. Though his main takeaway was joy at gaining a new sensation to his lifelong collection of experiences.

Vil only rolled his eyes, “That's one way of looking at it…”

“Well, why the fuck are you doing it then?” Yuu asked as she turned dials on the machine.

“The term ‘gut-wrenching’ comes up an offensive amount of times in scripts. And since I haven't had gut issues since I was a child, I actually don't have much to work with.” he smiles, smoothing his shirt back down, “So this will be research. Onion, set me at ‘Six’.”

“I'm giving you ‘Ten'.” Yuu smiled, taunting and calm, before flipping the machine back on.

Everyone in the room jumped at the ear-piercing, shrill scream that escaped Vil, the sound briefly echoing in the room. The star had ripped the sensors off his body faster than Floyd had. He took a step forward, wobbly-legged but determined as he walked toward the door and fumbled his way out of the room.

A beat of silence hits the room, Rook excusing himself before following Vil out of the room. Yuu bit her lip, turning the machine off as Leona started to laugh. Ruggie no better as lion beastman became more and more hysterical in his laughter.

The door opened slowly, Epel, Jack, and Sebek casting worried looks to Leona hunched over in his chair.

Epel did his best to wait for Leona's laughter to ease. When the Junior…clearly wasn't, he managed to speak over Leona, “Why is Vil lyin’ face down in the hallway?”

Yuu opened her mouth, closing it at Leona's laughter reaching a new pitch. She looked over to Ruggie, the hyena nodding his head.

“Ok, we're gonna head out. I think we've seen all we can see.” Ruggie draped Leona's arms over his shoulder, half dragging his housewarden out, stopping to pat Jack on the shoulder, “Good luck…”

“With what?” Jack called out, staring after his upperclassmen in confusion.

Ortho tilted his head, gesturing to the machine, “Would any of you like to make 10 thaumarks?”

Sebek spoke, “Ortho, that is by far the worst way to start this conversation.”

“Here's a better one then.” Yuu smiles, gesturing to the machine herself, “Would any of you boys like a lesson in empathy?”

“No?”

Jack tilts his head toward the device, ears pinned back in distrust, “What is that?”

“Try it out, Jacky-Boy. Test your grit, are you tougher than the average woman from my world or a simple puppy in my presence?”

“...You're goding me.”

“Is it working?”

“...” Jack clicked his tongue, taking two big steps and standing beside Ortho, “I'm only doing this because I know you'll get annoying if I reject it…”

“Idia-Senpai…what is this?” Epel casted the housewarden a confused stare, he and Sebek watching Ortho place medical sensors on Jack's lower stomach and back.

“For real? We made a torture box and have been testing everyone's pain tolerance.”

Sebek snapped his gaze toward Idia, “You what?”

“Wait, torture how-aaaaah…?” Jack's question quickly slid into a confused vocal run, his expression pinching together in a guarded grimace.

Yuu leaned on the table, raising an eyebrow at Jack, “I gave you a ‘Six’. How you feeling?”

Jack didn't answer, nor did he move from his braced stance. As nearly a minute passed, Jack finally gained the power to turn his head. It started small, minimal slow shakes that slowly grew faster.

“Are you having a seizure or are you asking me to turn it off?”

Jack's only response was to shake his head faster.

“Jack, that is not answering my question.”

“Just turn it off, ya psycho!” Epel yelled.

“Fiiiiiine.” Yuu groaned, rolling her eyes and shutting the machine off.

Even when the currents were gone, Jack remained completely still and tensed. He could only cough lightly as Epel came over to him with concern.

Sebek glared at Yuu, “What did you do!?”

Yuu slapped the top of the machine, Jack finally moving if only to get farther away out of fear that Yuu had turned it back on, “We made a period simulator and let me tell you…none of you guys are built to handle this shit apparently.”

Epel frowned, his hands moving to massage along the beastman's jaw, “Jack, baby, unclench…”

“I can't. If I do. I'm gonna fall.”

Idia snickered, turning his tablet for Sebek to see, “I've been making a scale. The only one who's managed to make it to ‘Ten’ is Jade and he blacked out doing it.”

The room door slammed open, Leona standing in the doorway with a smile on his face, “Good, the machine's free.”

Rolling her eyes, Yuu laughed at seeing who was behind him, “You did not come back just to watch them try the simulator.”

He stepped back inside, Malleus and Lilia walking in behind him. Silver was tucked in Malleus’s arms, the Sophomore snoozing peacefully.

Lilia smiled, looking at the machine in curiosity, “Leona tells us it was an experience that we could never have naturally! I'm glad I had the idea to gather my boys and make sure they were able to partake.”

Malleus tilts his head, holding Silver higher in his arms, “Will Silver be able to experience it if he is asleep? I would hate for him to miss such an event due to his disorder.”

“Oh!” Lilia waved for Malleus to place Silver in the empty chair, “Maybe this simulator will be the legendary item that can wake Silver.”

Yuu shrugs, Ortho excitedly holding the sensors up beside her, “One way to find out.”

Was it possibly cruel and illegal to hook a sleeping person to what was essentially a torture device? Obviously, they still did it. Though the meaner outcome of Silver leaping up in confusion and pain, what actually happened was more concerning. The group all watched as Silver simply creased his brows in slumber before his forehead smoothed again. Yuu checked the settings a second time, the dials all turned to ‘Ten’ each.

“...I know he didn’t just eat this shit.”

Lilia sighed, patting Silver’s head, “I could say I'm surprised, but I’m not…”

Leona raised an eyebrow, mildly annoyed that Silver had no reaction, “At least I can see why you were sleeping so much during this.”

“Sleeping does keep the Blood Goddess away.”

Malleus and Leona turned to her, each wearing looks of concern, “The whom?”

“May I try it?” Lilia looked at the sensors, holding one of the nodes in hand, “I’d love to see if it compares to anything I’ve felt before.”

Yuu smiled, “My frame of reference is being stabbed. That was a common one in my world.”

Lilia was hooked up quickly, the older fae standing with his hands on his hips, “Well, only one way to compare then!”

Once the switch was flipped, the smile faded from Lilia’s face. The fae’s hands slowly gripping harder and harder into his hips. He blinked, his brows creasing together then relaxing at odd intervals. He continued to open his mouth, a syllable slipping out before he closed his mouth again.

Leona laughed briefly, ignoring the annoyed glance Malleus sent him, “Having fun?”

“Leona, don’t act like you didn’t crumble the second I turned this shit on.” Yuu turns to Lilia “But, Lilia, are you okay? I gave you an 'Eight'.”

The fae managed a laugh, his smile quickly falling off his face as his breath came out in a ragged motion before he spoke, “It’s…it’s reminding me of a time when I had an iiiiiiiiiiron needle stabbed into my siiiiiiiiiiiide…ahahaHA-It broke off and I just…AH-dealt with that for. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays…ha…”

Malleus didn’t move to help, but watched his guardian with a weary eye, “Are you…alright?”

“I will be honest, this is making me think of the WAR…HA. WHORE! Oh, that helps. WHORE!”

“Ok, turn it off…” Idia gently eased Ortho away from the older fae when Lilia had started to simply yell swear words.

Once he was free of the sensors, Lilia had returned to his normal jovial air. Laughing under his breath, he stretched and popped his back, “Oh…oh, that was dreadful. You say it can get worse than that?”

Idia speaks, “It can get way worse, apparently. There’s this thing call endometriosis, sickass curse name btw, that can physically cripple people.”

“Shroud, you can use your technomagics to screen for that, correct?”

“U-um…yeah? I searched up symptoms of it so if need be I could locate it on a scan-Wait, Malleus-Shii, Yuu doesn't have it, right?”

“I don't believe so…but, there is nothing wrong with a thorough search to ensure my beloved's health.”

“Malleus, I'm standing right here.”

The horned fae smiles, leaning down to press a kiss to Yuu's temple, “That you are.”

She huffs, fighting against a smile threatening to spread across her face, “Are you trying this thing or not?”

“Hmmm… I suppose there's no reason not to partake. It will be an experience, as Lilia put it-”

“Waka-Sama! No! This machine is clearly dangerous!” Sebek moved forward, trying to stand between Malleus and the simulator, “It was enough to render Jack speechless and Lilia in a state of hysteria! As your retainer I can not allow you to try such an activity!”

“Sebek, are you insinuating that I am weaker than not only Lilia but Jack as well?”

“...” Sebek's stance slowly eased, the Freshmen curling in on himself with mild shame, “I…I did not mean it in such a way…”

“Then step aside, I wish to empathize with my fiancée, properly.”

The half-fae sighed sadly, moving to the side and letting Malleus be outfitted with the sensors.

“Child of man, please set it to the highest setting.” He raises his hand, a move to silence both Sebek and Yuu, “I'm aware of my choice. I wish to experience the worst this ailment could become to you. There is also the factor that my body is simply…more hardy than your own. The highest setting may be the only way I can feel it.”

“...” Yuu sighs and starts to adjust the machine., “I hate that your logic is sound…okay. I hope you don't regret your choices…”

Leona spoke up, watching the scene with an easy going smile, “I hope he does.”

When the switch was flipped, nothing happened. Everyone standing in silence, everyone watching Malleus’s face for any change showing pain or distress. Nearly a minute passes, the horned fae remaining perfectly still and silent.

Leona blinked, making brief eye contact with Lilia before he stepped closer to Malleus. he snapped his fingers in quick succession, twice in front of the fae's eyes and then once directly next to his ear. Malleus didn't so much as twitch.

“Malleus?...Malleus?” Lilia reached out, shaking his charge by the shoulders and receiving no response, “...Turn this off.”

Idia was already flipping the machine off before Yuu could turn to do it. Once the lights had dimmed on the box, Malleus's eyes regained their focus and light. The prince finally blinked, looking toward Yuu in question.

“Have we started? I don't believe I'm feeling anything.”

Leona let out a harsh, cackle of a laugh. The housewarden turning and walking out the room, “Oh that's rich. I got what I wanted, I'm gone.” He swung the door on his way out, laughing all the way out of Ramshackle.

Yuu stood with a hand over her mouth, “...Okay…I'm not going to send you back to wherever you just escaped from…so you win, I guess?”

Epel and Sebek both perk up, all concern and hesitation gone, “Win?”

Ortho laughs, taking the sensors off of a confused Malleus, “You've seen. Simply withstanding the simulator is hard enough. It only makes sense that actually enduring the simulator on max power is a win.”

Sebek quickly snatched Idia’s tablet, eyes scanning over the names and settings of their friend group, “You said making it to ‘Ten’ is a win?”

Epel had shoved his way to looking at the tablet despite Idia’s urging to give him his tablet back, “Ya said only Leech made it to ‘Ten'?”

Yuu hummed, patting a still confused Malleus on the shoulder, “I don't know if we can count that one. He did go fucking feral.”

“True…”

“I've decided!” Sebek slammed the tablet into Idia’s chest, nearly sending the housewarden through the wall, “I will do this challenge to show the might of Diasomnia!” He gripped his shirt, pulling harshly to rip the cloth clean off of his body.

Jack spoke, “Sebek you did not need to rip your shirt off-”

Epel harshly shushed his taller boyfriend, eyes not moving away from the newly revealed muscled chest, “Shut up, let him do what he thinks is best…”

Sebek smirked, requesting Yuu start him on ‘Nine’ as opposed to a lighter number, “I will be able to go straight to the winning number this way. What kind of retainer could I be if I can't handle this level of trivial pain?”

“...” Yuu slowly smiled, waiting for Ortho to give her the ok of Sebek being properly hooked up, “Ready?”

“Yes.”

The switch was flipped, Sebek's smug expression instantly falling as his face paled. One of his hands reached out toward Silver, digits sinking into the Sophomore's chest hard enough to startle him awake.

“I'm up, I'm-what's-”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Sebek yelled, eyes laser focused on the floor as he kept himself up right with sheer willpower and core strength alone.

“Sebek!? Why are you yelling!? Father!? Malleus!?” Silver attempted to wiggle out from under Sebek's pin. A feat becoming increasingly difficult the tighter Sebek's fist started to twist Silver’s shirt.

“Lilia-Sama was right, yelling helps! YELLING HELPS SO MUCH!”

“What is going on?” Silver called out in pure confusion.

Yuu spoke up, still calm through Sebek's shouting, with the flair of announcing ‘Waterfall’, “And here's ‘Ten’.” Yuu clicked the machine to its final setting.

Sebek dropped to his knees, pulling Silver half off of the chair as he refused to release his grip.

After nearly thirty seconds of Sebek's yelling and Silver’s questions fueled by pure panic, the machine was turned off. Sebek slumps fully to the floor, breathing heavily before slowly curling himself into a ball.

Silver looked around bewildered, hoping someone would tell him what just happened, “When did I get to Ramshackle? I was in the quad?”

Lilia laughs, already helping Sebek off the ground and slinging an arm over his shoulder, “We can fill you in on the way back. I do believe we're done with today's event.”

Lilia left no room for discussion, already dragging a groaning Sebek out of the room,

semi-forcing a confused Silver and Malleus to follow Behind him. Silver questioning What was even happening, having fallen asleep in the quad of the school only to wake up to Sebek's screaming more he normally did.

Malleus followed his posse, a pout on his lips as rain clouds seemed to form in showing his plight, “I didn't even try It…”

Yuu turns to Epel, raising an Eyebrow and holding the sensors out to him, “Epel, are you like… sure, you want to go all the way to ten?”

“Ah ain't no fuckin’ bitch. Slap them bad boys on me so Ah can have braggin’ rights ov'r these losers.”

“Well, if we're counting that as legally binding…” Yuu turns dials on the machine, setting them to max as she did with Malleus only to be stopped by Ortho gently placing a hand over hers, “Yes, Ortho?”

“Maybe we don't start Epel Felimer off at the highest setting. I'm beginning to believe a sudden simulation of this variety could induce brain damage.”

Jack took a small step back, eyeing the machine with even more distrust than before, “Wait, really!?”

Ortho shrugs, “I mean, it's doing something to people.”

Jack sighed, folding his arms, “Did you guys do trial runs with thing or something? Like, are you entirely sure it's safe to use on actual people?”

Idia gestures over to Yuu, “Yuu tried it.”

“Ok. So we're going off the word of a crazy person?”

“Ay!?”

“Don’ care! Ah got a point ta prove!” Epel lifted his shirt, glaring at Ortho until the android relented and stuck the first sensor on him.

Once properly fitted, Yuu started Epel on ‘One’, increasing the power every two minutes to ensure he felt each stage. The Pomefiore Freshmen didn't even flinch until he got to ‘Three’. He made a single sound of discomfort, hands moving to press on his stomach.

“Ok…that felt…Ah felt that, that's the weird part…”

And such sensations only got worst. Epel having to brace his hands against the wall, widening his stance in an attempt to keep himself standing once the machine was turned up to ‘Five’.

“...”Epel’s face was scrunched up, brows furrowed as he looked through his bangs at Yuu, “Is…is needin’ to poop-”

“Yeah, that's a normal feeling to have during.”

“A'ite…”

By ‘Eight’, Epel had adopted the new method of screaming being a crutch. He had lowered himself to the floor, kneeling into a frog pose.

“Epel, if you actually shit on my floor-”

“SHUT UP!”

The final hurdle was to last an entire minute on ‘Ten’. Ortho stating they should decrease the time for the last level as Epel had started to punch the wall. A whole minute Epel spent the time power walking around the room, engaging his entire body to distract from the pain. Every now and again yelling out a country-flavored string of swears. The moment Ortho excitedly clicked the machine off, saying that Epel had completed the entire simulation experience, the purple haired Freshmen dropped to his knees and vomited.

“OH, COME ON!?”

Ortho hummed, tilting his head in question while Idia tried to hide behind him, “I wonder if prolong exposure can lead to vomiting…So many new variables…”

Jack was careful to not step into the puddle before a panting Epel, sighing as he raised an eyebrow at him, “Congrats, you won bragging rights on throwing up.”

“Shut up and take me to the damn infermary…”

Jack picked Epel into his arms, walking the groaning Freshmen out of the room with a chatting Ortho hot on their heels.

Yuu sighs, looking at the puddle of vomit on their floor, “Now I gotta clean that shit up.”

“You’re the one who wanted to torture your friends again under the guise of empathy…” Idia could only smile at the glare she gives him, raising his hands in a carefree manner, “Everything’s got a price, you know?” He moved to fully pack and shut the machine down, unaware of the look Yuu was sending him.

“...Hey, Idia? You didn’t try.”

“Yeah, because I’d rather be tazed?” Idia spoke out, voice clear with how stupid he thought the idea was.

“...” Yuu smiles, reaching into the table’s drawer and pulling out a simple black-box tazer. Her eyebrows wiggle as she presses the button twice just to show it was charged.

“...” Idia sighed, grimacing as he held his arm out, “Everything’s got a price…”

#twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst #twst wonderland #yuu oc #heartslabyul #savanaclaw #octavinelle #scarabia #pomefiore #ignihyde #diasomnia #idia shroud #ortho shroud

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illuminetic · 1 day ago

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Some thoughts about Mel King, Kingdon, autism, and sexuality under the cut.

So I can't help but get a little peeved by this because it's personal for me — as an autistic woman who loves sex yet often gets infantilized by people who know me in real life because I'm supposedly so 'cute' and 'pure' — but GOD. I cannot stand when I see comments from people about Mel King being so 'sibling coded' with Langdon. And the thing is, I understand not everyone will ship them, and that's not a problem at all. I have a life outside of the internet so I don't really care in that deep a way lol. And I don't even entirely blame people who say they're like siblings, because Patrick Ball DID said he felt that way about Taylor and that was how he kind of conceptualized the Mel/Langdon relationship to begin with. But at the same time, I just feel like a lot of the 'omg they're so siblings!' chat is based in the belief that Mel can't be sexually desirable to a man who is traditionally handsome in the way Frank Langdon is. Or people are uncomfortable imagining Mel might have sexual desires or a sexual life at all, with Langdon involved or otherwise.

And then also there's this fine line too of some people saying they head-canon Mel as asexual and/or aromantic — and it's like. I'm not necessarily pissed at that or think it's a problem, because we all want representation and project our own traits onto characters to better understand ourselves or draw comfort. And again — I've heard that apparently Taylor Deardon said that's a valid interpretation of the character. And it is! But it's also like. Oh. So we're completely de-sexualizing the autistic girl. Cool. That makes sense — she's a little socially awkward and nerdy so of course she's not interested in sex! And even if she was interested in all that icky stuff her handsome coworker would never be into sex with her omg that would be so weird they're so siblings coded!!

Idk. This is nuanced — because again, if you're asexual I would never want to say it's wrong to conceive of Mel that way. We're all just playing barbies in our heads with our blorbos, I get it. I'm literally projecting my own sexuality onto Mel because I relate to her, so I guess I've actually just entirely talked myself out of being angry at all lol. So to any and all asexuals who headcanon Mel that way, keep doing you.

It's just a personal annoyance for me more than anything to see comments that imply Mel is a non-sexual being, as someone who sees myself in her a lot and also happens to really like sex. I feel like, because of the social cues I miss sometimes, and the way I am at work and in my personal life with friends and stuff — I am constantly fighting against the belief that I'm somehow 'innocent' or 'naive' when it's like. bud. I've literally had the kinkiest sex. I go to a sex club fairly regularly where I have sex with and/or in front of strangers. In fact, I'd argue part of the reason I like sex so much — and particularly kinky sex — is BECAUSE of the autism. I've noticed, from my time being in the community, that the kink world is filled with people on the spectrum lol. Makes sense — kink is all about rules and structure, controlled and safe (yet intense!) physical sensation. All things that attracted me to the lifestyle because I'm autistic, and the straightforwardness and clarity of communication about sex in the kink community felt like such a god-damned relief to me after struggling to have a sex-life out there in the neurotypical world.

Anyway. Long story short I'm just saying it's absolutely Frank who is the vanilla one in the Kingdon relationship. He's been married for years to someone I assume was probably his college girlfriend. 'Kinky' for him is breaking out the fuzzy hand-cuffs for anniversary sex or something, maybe some light spanking thrown in idk.

To end — I need someone to write a fic where the Pitt-crew plays never-have-I-ever during a night out, and Mel gets shit-faced and has to put down all her fingers before anyone else because there's so little she hasn't done. People keep throwing out more and more outrageous things, eyes going saucer-wide, and Mel's ears are burning but also she just keeps putting fingers down, throwing back shots, and raising a scornful eyebrow at anyone who dares to doubt her or make some comment like 'but Mel you don't seem like that type at all!!'

And Frank is. Sitting there quietly vibrating. Horny as hell. Having some thoughts and feelings about the fact that he knows Mel owns a strap now.

#kingdon #mel king #melissa king #autism #frank langdon #personal #my posts #sexuality #and yanno what. maybe the person to write that fic has to be me.

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natsredbra · 2 days ago

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Tough graded

summary: Lottie thinks you’re mean - repeated tutoring sessions and a party proved her wrong!

pairing: Lottie Matthews x fem!reader

a/n: i hate this lowk but that happens with all my other stuff anyway soo

warnings: angst at the end, none other (mostly fluff and lesbian yearning)

word count: 3.5k

taglist: @towabirdno1fan, @minariiis, @feralnataroni, @lesbabe6, @radioactivesweet, @flurpe ,@ashliami, @johnnytoothpick @ikeepgettinglostwithchairs, @wompingburg

Lottie Matthews was a sweetheart. Everyone knew it. She was a popular girl, at least in a sense that everyone knew her. To be honest, she didn’t have many close friends, most of them being people she simply hangs out with.

Then there was you. You were just another student in Wiskayok High, with an average life, average home and average friend group. You were also familiar with Lottie, having being the first person she talked to once she moved from New York.

It was freshman year, and you’d never seen her before, her tall, seemingly confident appearance intimidated you a little. Somehow, you rubbed her up the wrong way that day and since then, she kept her distance. You didn’t notice it or pay much mind to her, but you always felt like she avoided you.

———————

“Settle down, class. We’re about to start.” Your chemistry teacher called out, preparing for the lecture as she attempted to calm a classroom of noisy teenagers down.

You sat in your admittedly uncomfortable chair, doodling in your notebook. At this point, it was as if the clock was going backwards. Ms Greene was in her own world, explaining something that might as well have been in chinese. Did I mention you don’t know dick about chemistry? And who could blame you, it’s not like any of this is actually important in the real world.

Fiddling with the sleeve of your shirt, your mind wandered. You remembered you had leftover sandwich from your lunch, and were eager to eat it on your break. You also tried to come up with a plan on how to convince your parents to let you go to Jackie Taylor’s party on Saturday. But just as you were planning the dialogue, your teacher spoke something you deemed more significant.

“So I graded your tests, you mostly did okay. Shauna - kudos, the only 100.” The professor spoke, and you knew exactly what was to come.

“Y/N, come see me after class.” She said, looking at you through her glasses. There it was.

You dreaded the moment but once the bell rang, instead of exiting the classroom and getting your paper on your way out, you stayed back, waiting. It was like a walk of shame at this point.

“You wanted to see me?” You inquired dreadfully.

“Yes, I did. I take it you know why?” The woman said, sounding disappointed. Why would she be fucking disappointed, she’s not your mother!

“Guess so.”

“You got exactly 38%. Now, I’m wondering why that is? You told me you tried harder, you said you understood the curriculum.” She exclaimed, handing you your exam. Lots of the color red.

“I know! But it’s like whatever I study never shows up!” You defended, clutching your backpack.

“Well I’d hate to see you fail. So that’s why I thought of something else. Tutoring. I think it’d be very beneficial for you, a peer could provide an easier explanation.” Ms Greene said as if she discovered warm water, making you internally roll your eyes. “And I have just the perfect girl for it.” She continued.

Before you could protest, or say anything really, you could hear the door open again.

“You asked to see me?” Lottie Matthews, in all her glory said once she walked in. “I’m sorry I missed class today there was this-“ She started before the teacher cut her off.

“No, no. I know the situation, it’s perfectly fine. I wanted to talk to you about tutoring your friend from class here. She needs all the help she can get, and frankly I think you’d be perfect for it.” She explained and you were baffled with the implied insult.

Lottie on the other hand looked like her cat just got shot.

“Um- I just don’t know if I’d be right for that.” She said with an insecure tone, which was dismissed.

“No, as I said- after Shauna you’re the best in class, and god knows that girl has a lot on her plate. Thank you for your help, miss Matthews.” Greene said, leaving no room for argument on Lottie’s side.

You felt awkward. The tension was eating you alive and you weren’t even sure why there was any as you two stood, looking everywhere but each other.

“You’re both dismissed.”

“Right.”

———————

The library felt suffocating with how quiet it was. People your age all around you, focusing on their studies just as you did, though they made it seem so effortless.

Lottie sat across from you, reading a book for her english class that you didn’t catch the name of as you answered some homework questions.

“I don’t get this.” You said in an annoyed tone, making her raise her head in uncertainty.

“Well that’s why I’m here. What can I help with?” She asked with a sweet smile. Overdo, much?

“This. None of these structures make sense and they all look the same!” You complained, louder than one could in there which earned you a dirty look from the librarian.

“What do you mean though? It’s pretty logical, this one is connected with this carbon cause-“ Lottie started, getting a bit closer to you to see the paper properly. That was, until she noticed you seemed entirely uninterested in what she had to say.

“Are you listening? I’m trying to help you.” She asked in that tender tone that always laced her voice. Lottie was very hard to truly piss off.

You felt kind of bad when you noticed how genuine she seemed, it almost melted all your rough walls down. Once you looked up at her you were met with big, rich brown eyes that glowed in the golden colored afternoon sun. Her lips rested in a slight, disappointed pout as she fiddled with the pencil between her fingers.

“Sorry. Yeah, show me.” You apologized with a sigh, leaning forward to better see what she was speaking of.

Lottie gave you a small nod and smile, really showing off those rosy cheeks. Well she was beautiful, but who didn’t know that already?

You really did try your best to pay attention to whatever she was saying, she did put her all into it. But it was difficult, after her hand brushed with yours when handing you an eraser, or when she flashed you a big, toothy smile every time you got something right.

Okay, okay. You’ve had a crush on Lottie Matthews for ages, so what? What wasn’t there to like? She was smart, athletic, nice and so damn cute. But it’s not like she’d ever notice you. You simply weren’t in her league.

What did Lottie think though? She thought you hated her. Thought you were rude and arrogant. You never spoke to her unless it was a grunt that passed as a reply even though you cross paths so often. You avoided her like a plague when it came to seating arrangements in class. Once, you wouldn’t even let her have a cigarette.

But this all felt different to you both. To Lottie, she thought you finally broke the ice - she savored the sweet voice you used in a sentence like a bottle of good, fancy wine. And you learned she might not have been so out of reach after all.

The session you had stretched on, and once you finally understood some of the schoolwork you needed to do, your conversation bent into something more casual. Getting to know her was nice.

She told you about how her parent’s divorce affected her. You learned she, quite begrudgingly, went to her dad’s at New York every two weeks. She also said that her favorite kool aid flavor was Black Cherry, and her favorite candy bar was a snickers.

“So, when should we meet up next?” Lottie asked as the talk slightly died down.

“Well tomorrow is fine by me. We have that test on Friday.” You replied, packing your books again.

“Oh, sure! You know, you can come to mine. Might be less distracting.” She offered with a tinge of hope that you did not catch onto. You just thought of the fact that you were about to go to Lottie Matthews’ house. A nice one, you’ve heard.

“Okay, yeah. Let’s go to your place.”

—————

See this is how you found yourself in this situation. God knows you were too afraid to talk to her, yet your questionable chemistry grades brought you together and that is why you were right there, standing in front of her house and too antsy to ring the doorbell.

However you couldn’t stand here and hope she got a radio signal about your presence, so you did. Not a moment later, a chipper Lottie as usual, answered the door.

“Hi! I’m glad you found the house. Kinda on the down low.” She said, moving from the doorframe to let you in.

You gave her a small “yeah” as you entered. Not only was it on the down low, it was gorgeous too. Very expensive and high end furniture, paintings that seemed like they could belong in the Louvre. Though the prettiest thing there was Lottie.

She might’ve had her hair in a messy braid, wearing a striped white and pink shirt with a pair of gray sweatpants, but she still made it look cool and classy.

“Balls.” You muttered as your eyes landed on an immense, glistening chandelier in the middle of her living room.

“Oh, my mom bought that when we got the house to piss off my dad and drain his bank account.” Lottie said way too casually, “Let’s go to my room.”

As you followed her upstairs you tried your best not to let your eyes rake over her lean from, but it proved to be hard. She really did look good - and it checks out, she’s a soccer player!

You wondered how strong her legs must’ve been, she could definitely trap you under-

“I’m sorry for the mess, the maid is coming later today.” Lottie said apologetically, tossing some clothes from her bed for you to sit on.

Her room was much different from the rest of the house and resembled Lottie herself. Girl band posters all around, a floral bedding, and photos of her soccer squad scattered all across her room.

“This is cool. I like the little bee.” You said, picking up one of the frames your gaze landed on. A picture of her and Jackie Taylor warmly smiling to the camera with a bunch of team spirit makeup.

“Oh, thanks! I just took that one about a week ago, I like keeping stuff like that.” She said, coming up behind you to take a look herself.

Right now, you could smell her perfume. Something sweet, vanilla and roses maybe - casually on her, as if it were part of her skin.

She slowly walked back to the bed, patting the spot next to her as she got her textbooks out.

You waltzed over there too, hugging your knees to your chest as she sorted everything.

“Can I ask you something first?” Lottie blurted, looking up at you with an unsure expression- made your chest flutter a bit.

“Of course.” You simply replied as you fiddled with the sheets under you.

“Did you like- hate me or something?” She asked with a nervous giggle, obviously a bit flustered.

“What, no I- wait, why would you think that?” You questioned back very invested, turning to her fully and bringing your knees to your chest. She repeated your action.

“It’s just…since we met, there’s been this weird thing between us both. I don’t think I did anything, but if I’m wrong, you can tell me.” Lottie spoke softly, voice sweet as honey as she hugged her knees.

“You didn’t. I was just being an ass.” You admitted, suddenly feeling a bit stupid for how you treated the girl. She obviously didn’t deserve that.

In fact, let’s take a quick look onto the day you met her.

~ You sat in a stuffy classroom full of people you went to middle school with just a couple of months ago, feeling the light breeze that the window cast.

It was a bit much, all the pre class yelling at eight in the morning along with the wind slapping your face repeatedly, but you pushed through it. When you raised your head, you saw something that was quite interesting. Which was rare for freshman year of high school.

A taller brunette speaking to your teacher that checked her schedule before nodding her head, likely a “you’re in the right place” signal. The girl she talked to wasn’t hard on the eyes either.

Oh shit, your seating mate wasn’t in here! She was definitely gonna seat her with you. How are you supposed to talk to such a hot girl again? Okay, now you’re just overthinking it, she could be nice.

“Hiya!” She cheered once she sat down, extending a hand, “I’m Charlotte. Everyone calls me Lottie though.”

You took the hand she put out, saying your own name sheepishly.

“Um…are you in any clubs or sports teams?” She asked, clearly trying to make conversation. Though it wasn’t clear to you.

“No.”

“Oh okay! Well- shit, I hope I’ll catch up with all the studying. New York is different with this stuff.” Lottie spoke, though you didn’t dare meet her eye. You might’ve passed out.

Somehow, what she said sounded weird to you. Maybe a little entitled? But she didn’t seem the type. That was, until you caught eye of the watch she wore. Was it real fucking gold? Likely. This girl was so out of your stratosphere.

“I think you’ll be fine.” You replied with a tight lipped, unwelcoming smile. Really, you didn’t mean for it to come off that harsh.

All she could do was sit in silence. She pissed you off already, somehow. Great work Lott! Was it even possible to make an enemy before a friend in a brand new school? Apparently. And anyway, her dad was her biggest one so it wasn’t such a foreign concept to her.

~ ”I understand.”

“Huh?” You inquired further, a tad confused and spaced out.

“I understand, trying to protect yourself for any reason. I get it.” She said again in that quiet tone which made you always want to pull her in for a deep, soul lacing kiss.

“Thank you.” You whispered as your eyes beheld hers. There was a sempiternal longing in them, something you’d never seen in anyone else.

“I don’t know why, but I really get you. I feel like…I know what’s going on with you, even though I don’t. We should definitely keep hanging out.” Lottie proclaimed happily, her voice still low.

You could see it in her eyes, that she was telling the truth. That she was genuine. You could see everything in her eyes. She could not hide or shy away from you.

“Me too. I feel the same way.” You said in a smoky tone.

She moved a bit closer, slightly forward until your knees touched. Just as she was about to speak again, there was a knock on her door.

“Lottie sweetheart?” A woman called out, likely her mother. She didn’t wait for an answer before pushing the door, and Lottie jumped as if electrocuted.

“Hey! We were just-“ She started, sitting flat on the bed and keeping her hands in her lap.

Mrs Matthews took a look around the room, then a long one at you.

“Go on. What were you doing?” She asked, her tone bordering on accusatory.

“This is my tutee mom. We were studying.” Lottie rushed, pointing to the books next to the two of you as if to make a point.

“Right. So, what did you need help with?” Lottie’s mother honeyed, turning towards you. Her lips curved in a smile, though it made you feel a certain unease.

“Chemistry. Ms Greene put us together.” You wheezed out, trying to ignore the slight charge in the air.

“Wonderful. Dinner’s at six. Let me know if your friend is staying.” And with that she left the room, leaving you with both of the previous and brand new tension.

“So should we start-“

“Are you coming to Jackie’s thing on Saturday?” Lottie asked, hugging her knees yet again.

“If my parents let me, yeah.”

“Good. Try to be there, okay?”

—————

Yeah, of course that’s how you ended up there. Since you did amazing on your test the previous day, with the luxury of Lottie’s help of course, you were able to persuade your parents into letting you go.

That’s why you’re now grabbing a glass of absolutely horrid spiked punch in Jackie’s glamorous kitchen, with an attempt to calm your nerves.

You’d only gotten to the party - maybe half an hour ago? And you definitely still weren’t buzzed enough to talk to Lottie.

There she was, in all her glory, wearing a slip dress to a fucking high school party. A purple one with her hair down and in its natural wave.

The shoes she wore were her signature doc martens with which she’d likely be buried in. In one hand rested a solo cup, filled with either the god awful liquid you drank or beer. Between her middle and pointer finger was a lit cigarette.

She looked entirely dazzling in the dimly lit room, filled with escapades of sin and Lottie’s silfira. Or that’s how you saw it in your reverie at least.

She surveyed the room for you as if no one else was there, mouthing you a “hi” as the guy next to her, some kid from her history class, continued to talk her ear off.

Politely she excused herself, leaving him bewildered as she walked over to you.

“How are you?” Lottie asked over the loud speakers, leaning onto the island next to you as she offered you a drag of her cigarette.

“I’m okay. Little bored though.” You said, sipping your drink again.

“Well we have to fix that don’t we?” She exclaimed in her usual chipper tone, moving over to face you. You could smell smoke, alcohol and cherries on her lips, since she stood so close to you.

“Do we?” You pondered jokingly, or not. Her idea of fun was likely something you’d regret in the morning, in terms of embarrassment at least. She was quite intoxicated too.

“Yes, we do! You know, I’ve never seen you dance.” Lottie teased, running the rim of her cup over her bottom lip.

“That’s because I don’t! Especially not here.” You interjected, gazing around the place.

“Oh come on! Dancing is fun, okay? I’ll even do it with you.” Lottie practically begged, gawking at you with those pouty eyes no one has ever said no to.

Fuck it. A month ago you’d give anything to dance with Lottie Matthews. Better yet, to be noticed by Lottie Matthews. This was a one time opportunity and you couldn’t let yourself pass it up because of slight insecurity and anxiety.

“Let’s go.” You muttered, downing the rest of your drink. Once you did, Lottie cheered a little, grabbing your hand and dragging you to the dance floor.

Her balter made you feel slightly better about your own moves, or better yet the lack of thereof. She let her hands wander, pressing her chest against your back as she trailed your abdomen to the beat. You could only follow her movements and remind yourself how to breathe here and there, of course.

She was warm and inviting against you, making your hips move with ease. Everything was easy around her. She was amazing to talk to, talk about. You decided to try your luck, moving around and pressing your chest against hers.

She seemed as surprised and as happy with the action as you were. The charge between you was inevitable and couldn’t go unnoticed.

Just as you wrapped your arms around her neck, there seemed to be a shift. Something in her eyes - those that were like a book for you to read, something overcame them.

She jolted away slightly, making you stumble back.

“Lottie, what’s wrong?” You yelled out over the obscene noise.

“I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” Lottie stammered, you couldn’t hear her but you read her lips well enough.

She gave you one more mordant look before scurrying off, pushing past the drunk teenagers as she left you behind. Turned around five times to check on where you were as well.

But you? You stood there in absolute shock. All the booze you consumed made your mind hazy, and you could barely believe what was happening. For a whole week, there had been a “will they won’t they” vibe between the two of you and what? Now she just runs off?

No, this was your fault. Your fault for making yourself believe and hope for a person you always knew was out of reach, untouchable for you, even. Lottie must’ve been embarrassed of you, that had to be it.

Anyhow, for a moment you stood there all alone, mean, unwelcome tears burning in your eyes as your whole body felt numb - other than the pounding headache that started to wash over you. How did it come down to this?

#yellowjackets thoughts 💭#yj season 3 #yellowjackets showtime #yellowjackets x reader #lottie matthews x reader #lottie matthews #lottie yellowjackets #lottie matthews thoughts 💭#yj #yj s3 #yellowjackets season 3

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slaaverin · 18 hours ago

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To me Jungkook is a little bit the epitome of what BTS represent. Basically they are people for me "that are good at being human". I know it may sound weird like that.

But sometimes in life you see people that are obviously struggling with certain aspects of the human experience (with their bodies or socially or mentally ect.)

Jungkook for me has it all, he has a natural authenticity (Not afraid to he himself, express his opinions, be quiet or loud or funny when he wants to). He has also an open and gentle heart that shines and that gives a beautiful sense of purity. Which is a rare thing to observe. (It means he's not only a human, he is a human with an already evolved consciousness). He's also very creative, driven, combative when challenges arises, he pushes himself to be the best in everything he does. It's a also a rare quality and it's something that can only be developped over many lifetimes.

He's confident and shows an ease being himself under the spotlight. (Which not many people are able to do, if this much fame happened to us many of us would go completely insane). So it shows a very good mental stability (he even says he doesn't think too much) and to achieve a mental stability like this oh man the soul needs to WORK. And not a little bit I swear.

When the mental is under huge pressure like this, to keep it stable you need a certain amount of inner power and level of consciousness and once again that develops through maaaany lifetimes.

You can also see how good he is at being human with his bodily mastery.

Really, nobody who is a human for the first time can control their body like he does.

And he is not only perfectly under control of his body, he even PROJECT ENERGY out into the world.

The "power" we feel from him moving is actual energy he projects out.

That energy is received by the collective and that is why many people are drawned to him, it's like moths to a flame.

You know what it takes to do this?????

It's a lot. A lot of work.

So yeah, he's not simply a talented human, he actually mastered the human experience, through lifetimes of hard work on himself, and whatever he shows up to be in this lifetime, it's only the example of someone who did.

People can feel this intuitively. First they think wow how can he be so good? So kind, so pure? So talented? So exceptional? Well, there's a reason. He wasn't born like this just by random chance.

He should inspire people because he is a bit of a lightpost for people to follow. It gives people motivation to become better in general.

He's also a stamp that says "here's what you can expect when you evolve your consciousness": you shine bright, with a pure heart, a complete mastery of your body and mind, and you actually can change the world with your skills (whatever they are since it's different from person to person).

BTS is special in that way. But Jungkook even more so. He's the pillar of everything. It's earthy and rooted and stable. (People like stability.)

He has also a good balance of feminine/masculine energy which reminds people of their own true essence. Balance of both polarity is only achieved through evolution of consciousness, people have both polarities but usually one polarity is dominant over the other, and it takes work and evolution and integration to have them both balanced like he does. So of course people are fascinated bcs secretly every soul wants that here. We all crave for union and Jungkook is a reminder of that state. It's the name of the game.

So to see someone who have achieved this, it is quite astonishing and inspiring! It makes people go "this is great, why everybody isn't like that, I want more people like that" yes because people SHOULD AND WILL be all like this eventually. It only takes a loooot of time and inner work.

Anyway, overall Jungkook is a well-rounded beautiful person that shows a great level of enlightenment so no wonder people are attracted to that...that's literally the direction we are all taking...

But he must have gone through some shit (more than we can even imagine) to reach that point. So really, he deserves all the applauses 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

i always explained jungkook’s popularity not by him being the youngest or very buff solely but through the fact that he is much more comfortable and involved with his bodily existence than the majority of us and its (sadly) rare or surprising that a high-pressure famous person thinks and acts like that too, which is how - besides being a very gifted singer and dancer - jungkook tends to fascinate and positively inspire people a lot

#jungkook #a love letter #he's the real deal

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gvshing · 11 hours ago

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𝔸𝕔𝕥𝕠𝕣!𝕍𝕚

(Co star! Vi more specifically)

m.list 3.7k words

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ꨄ︎ You were cast to be in a highly anticipated romance/drama movie next to Vi. You had been having a dry spell with getting cast so when you found out you got the part you were elated. Jumping up and down and squealing into the phone, squeals stabbing your manager in his ear. Your manager pulled the phone away while you loudly celebrated. “You’re going to be working beside Violet.” You stopped screaming almost instantaneously. “What? No. She’s too good. I’ll look bad next to her. Tell them never mind, they can give it to Kiramman;” You fall back on the couch and splay out exhaustively. “She's a way better actress than me and will do the part justice anyways. It would make more sense for them two to be in a movie like that together. Ugh, I’m sorry. I wasted everybodies ti-” A loud sigh cuts you off. “You’ll do great. Don’t beat yourself up. They wouldn’t have hired you if they didn’t like what you had to offer. Besides, I don’t think she auditioned. You did. You got this role with your talent. You’re deserving.” Blowing hair off your face, you nod as if it could’ve been seen. “You’re right.”

ꨄ︎ Table readings were set for the next week. You were buzzing with anticipation. What if you didn’t do good? What if you and Violet have bad chemistry and you aren’t able to give the same performance as your audition? You can’t handle disappointing anybody. Arriving at the table reading made the anxiety heighten. Being in the large gray building made everything feel too real. You sat around the round dark table. You were early, maybe too early. You were supposed to have been there at 10, it was 9:30. In your worry of being late, you end up one of the first people. Other than the casting director setting up the scripts and other miscellaneous things, it was just you. You pulled your phone out, nervously scrolling through various social media. The door swings open, stealing your attention. You switch your screen off, gazing up at the new person. Trailing up the figure, past the black jeans that clung desperately to her legs and past the loose red shirt hanging, you meet Violet in the eyes. You had never met her; just seen her in a lot of films. Your palms become sweaty and your breath is catching in your throat. You blink away the nerves and stand up to introduce yourself. Stopping short when you see her look your way. Her lips quirk into a half smile, eyes darting up and down your figure. She extends a hand and walks towards you. “I'm Vi. It’s nice to finally meet you.” You discreetly rub your sweaty palm against your jeans and shakily grasp hers. Hastily, you end the handshake as quickly as it begins. ”Yeah, you too… I love your movies, I'm excited to work with you.” Vi smiles softly. You move to sit back down and Vi’s voice stops you momentarily. “Can I sit next to you?” She questions. Your eyes widen and you hesitantly nod. “Of course.”

ꨄ︎ The first table reading goes better than you imagined. You stutter a few times but you eventually find your rhythm. Letting the art of acting take you away and pushing your nerves to the back of your head. Vi does amazing as you assumed she would. A few times you’d be reading off the script, not quite knowing your lines as it’s your first time reading through the whole script. You got it when you initially were hired but you weren’t sure you were going to keep your job if you fumbled the table reading. You didn’t want to get committed to something that was still potentially up in the air. Weirdly enough, Vi’s presence eventually became comforting compared to the anxiety you had when you first realized you’d be working alongside each other. Everytime you stumbled over your words, she’d smile softly at you and send you an encouraging thumbs up, or grinning at you in the most comical and yet endearing way she could muster, so wide her eyes were practically shut. The table reading was supposed to last 4 hours but everybody was getting caught up in different ways to do the scenes and conversation. Everybody seemed to have fun and you couldn’t have asked for a better first table reading. It ended up lasting 6 hours; you walk out the double doors at 4:30. You left the building with a sense of pride in your chest, a sense of newfound confidence. You were excited to be in this movie with all the wonderful casting and excited to work with one of the most notable actors in this day and age thus far. On the way to your car, your ears finally tune into a noise coming from behind you. “Hey! Wait! Ugh-” A loud thump followed by a groan sounds from the person. Frantically turning–panic filling your chest–you see a groaning Vi collapsed on the ground. You gasp and set your belongings down before rushing to her. “Are you okay?” A choked laugh exits your throat. Vi hoists herself up on her hands and knees, eyes flicking up to meet yours for just a second. “I’m okay. That’s so embarrassing.” She begins to stand up, your hand outstretched to offer help. She hesitates, gazing up at your hand and hunched body towering over her. She sighs and slaps her hand into yours before pulling herself up. “Sorry… I was just wanting to swap information. I figured if we’re going to be working together we should be able to contact the other. And then I fell.” You cough, covering your inappropriate laugh from escaping. “Yes, we should do that.” You start walking back over to your car where the abandoned bag lies in a mountain of fabric. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’re not bleeding?” Vi seems to not have considered the possibility of her getting hurt and starts inspecting the places she could’ve scraped. You snort at her lack of concern for her wellbeing. Rummaging through your bag you pull out a piece of paper, pen and car keys. “I’m unscathed.” She says matter of factly as you pull out the trove of necessities. You scribble down your number and hold it out to Vi. “Be careful. Here you go.” Taking it from you, she stares at the slip of paper, slightly crumpled in her hand. Tossing your bag into the now unlocked vehicle, a final goodbye is given and you’re out.

ꨄ︎ With the table reading going as well as it did, the director was more than ready to get rehearsing moved to the set. As excited as you were to be a part of the production, you were still nervous. Nervous that something would go wrong, nervous that the filming wouldn’t go as good as the rehearsing did. You tried not to think too hard about it, but it was hard when you were spending a majority of your time in that dingy dark set. A lot of the scenes were taking place in a musky apartment. Vi was a great scene partner, she definitely made it easier to do the scenes but, even she could notice the nerves radiating from your body. Having a hard time remembering your lines or markers on the ground, not talking loud enough to then talking too loud, missing cues, you were a mess. She would pull you to the side during one of the 5 minute breaks and interrogate you. Her hand grasping onto your upper arm, holding you in place from running off. “Are you sure you’re okay? You seem a little… I’m not sure. Off, I guess?” You sighed and stared just past her at the fake brick wall. “Yeah, no. I’m good. Just tired.” Vi leaned over to be in your eyesight and raised an eyebrow. “You’ve said that every day. Look, I enjoy doing this job to you. I do. But, you’ve gotta put your all into it. If I'm noticing you’re off, so will the viewers. I’m here if you need to talk.” You nod, casting your eyes down and away from her pale blue eyes piercing through you. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m nervous that I’m going to drag you and everybody else down. You all are such amazing actors and I don’t want to dis-” She shakes her head quickly, cutting you off. “You’re going to do great! Don’t worry about anyone else.” You nod solemnly, giving her a small smile of appreciation. After the break, you’re standing back in that dark apartment setting. Patiently waiting to hear that daunting ‘Action!’ signalling for you to begin. Vi stands just outside of the door to the apartment, waiting to storm into the room. Her words rattled around your head. Taking a deep breath and steadying yourself, the director yells out the magic word, and you throw yourself into the character.

ꨄ︎ After a good take, Vi comes leaping over to your figure. “You did great, doll!” A coy smile spreads across your features. Her hand goes up, and you join hers in a high five that echoes against the walls. “Thank you, I was thinking about what you were saying. Figured If I didn’t want to let anybody down, I should not let myself down first.” Vi slaps a hand against your back, “Atta-girl!” she boasts.

ꨄ︎ Filming goes better than you could’ve imagined after that. With Vi by your side you feel confident. Ready to tackle any one of these scenes that were written in the script. Your stomach no longer churned on the way to set everyday. You no longer overthink the day while getting makeup smeared all over. Your heart no longer beats against your chest every second of the work day.

ꨄ︎ Vi would send encouraging texts in the morning before work began and texts applauding the hard work you did at the end of the day. “You’re gonna rock the day!” “You did great today!” “Good luck on that scene today! It’s gonna be hard but I know you’ve got this.” “You were amazing! Is it weird to say you do a great job at crying on command? Well you do.” “Excited to work with you again today!” “You looked pretty in that dress today.”

ꨄ︎ You stop by the cafe that’s on the way to set every morning and become the ‘coffee grabber’. You balance two drink holders filled with different coffees and one tea the few blocks it takes to get there. Vi isn’t much of a coffee drinker so you opt to grab her a tea with lots of honey in it instead. It’s got to be 50% honey with how much she asks for. Eventually more coffee is added to the order as people grow more comfortable with everybody on set and decide they DO in fact want something. At that point two more drink holders are needed and you have to either bring a cart with you to tote them to set or make two trips. Not having the time to make two trips or wanting to wheel that rickety cart all the way to set and back, you beg for Vi’s help. Vi agrees to start coming with you to help after you promise to get her a muffin every time she comes to help. You could’ve asked anybody else but you didn’t want to bother anybody with it and honestly, you enjoyed spending the extra time with her. She also would’ve done it without the begging or promise of the sweet, but she found it amusing to see you pout for her help of all peoples. Oftentimes, you two are walking onto set cackling at whatever stupid joke one of you made, or wacky thing you saw somebody do on the way in. The rest of the cast could tell when you both arrived 2 minutes before you actually walked into the door because of how loud your chuckles echoed against the narrow hallway leading into the makeup area.

ꨄ︎ When articles about being seen ‘getting close’ start circulating after your early morning cafe runs, you send a link to Vi captioning it, “can you believe this 😭”. Vi was used to invasive articles being written about her, but this was one of the firsts written about what you do in your private life and not anything to do with whatever project you’re working on. “Sadly I can.” is all she replied to it. Vi didn’t really ever give those articles the time of day, but this one made her chest flutter. You guys were getting closer, that wasn’t a lie. And deep down she knew she felt more than just a friendly way towards you. She enjoyed working with you more than she did with anyone in the past. It was easy to work together, the chemistry you both had on camera and off was undeniable. Not much thought was put into it on her side though. She knew that once filming was wrapped you would either be friends still or you wouldn’t. And she’d deal with whatever she’s feeling then. But right now the job was her main priority.

ꨄ︎ You weren’t oblivious to the way her gaze lingered on your lips after a tense scene was finished. In fact, you were hyper aware of it. Typically when you filmed a scene like this, your co-star would say ‘good job!’ and then be off doing their own thing. But not Vi. She would stay glued to her spot, eyes tracing over your features. You flash her a wide smile and jaunt over to her. “You good?” Vi shakes her head, seemingly snapping back to reality. Her eyes meet yours and a spark flashes through them. The corners of her lips quirked up. “Yeah, yeah. I’m good.” Her thoughts racing, had you noticed her staring? Had you noticed that the lines between her and her character were starting to blur? You hold out your arm, signalling for her to link arms with you. You gesture to the snack bar, in hopes she’ll accompany you. Following your lead she links her arm around yours.

ꨄ︎ More and more dating allegations start popping up. “Seen getting up close and personal at the bar??” “Candlelit dinner??” and other ridiculous clickbait articles litter your google homepage. A bubbling begins in your chest when any are brought up. Your heart starts beating throughout your whole body, practically vibrating with an unidentified emotion. Vi and you share glances, laughing it off, an unspoken agreement to not acknowledge it is shared between you.

ꨄ︎ Vi’s feeling disappointed as filming comes to an end–not that she’d admit that, out loud or otherwise. She’s come to enjoy her work days. She’s been on some shitty sets before. Worked with casts that she despised, sets that were falling apart, and directors with a stick up their ass. Working on this new movie isn’t perfect. It’s pretty fucking close to it in her eyes though.

ꨄ︎ As wrap day approaches, Vi goes out of her way to be next to as much as she can. When neither of you are actively filming anything, you can bet your ass she’s lounging around you or pressed directly against your side. You notice. She’s not being as slick as she thinks. You test it after the third time of her almost walking into the bathroom with you. She stands next to you, leaning against the wall scrolling on her phone. Her figure seems so large pressed up against the wall, legs haphazardly thrown over each other; It looked like she could be swept on her ass if you kicked her leg with the slightest tap. She looked otherworldly with the slight glare of the studio lights, the shadows highlighting her. Her beauty truly was contradictory. Getting up from the makeup table, you stride across the room over to the snack table. Just like you expected Vi stands up and quickly follows behind. You don’t say anything, just continuing scanning the snack options. Eyes mulling over various types of granola bars and bagels. You shrug as if you can’t decide and start to walk back to your original seat. Vi immediately mimics your movements. She takes a seat next to you, right where she had been. You smile at her softly, cutting off the giggles in your throat before they can fall out. She looks up at you, eyes squinting in confusion. “What?” Her eyes dart to the floor and back to you. A small laugh emits from your chest, head shaking back and forth. “Nothing. Nothing, I promise.” She side-eyes you before going back to her phone.

ꨄ︎ Closer and closer to the final filming every day. Vi started pulling small ‘jokes’ around the set. Certainly distracting herself from the project being over. Tapping on shoulders and then moving to the other one, popping out of corners yelling ‘Boo!’, kick me signs on people's backs and other small pranks. Sometimes though, they would make zero sense. Making you a cup of tea and then putting splenda instead of normal sugar. It didn’t matter either way, it sweetened the tea that’s all you wanted. She found it hilarious, dying at her own joke. Gasping for air and grasping her sides in pain.

ꨄ︎ A month after the movie is finished and Vi still texts you encouraging words. “Good luck on your day.” “How did that audition go the other day? Good I assume.” “Have a good day, or else.” sometimes they’re slightly threatening, though you’re not sure if she’s meaning to come off threatening. It was sweet. You both text almost every single day. It was a little unexpected. You didn’t usually get this close with other coworkers. And as far as you know, neither did she. Hanging out at least once a week was detrimental to her. “Friday? I’m free.” “Saturday? I’m also free that day. Say a day and I’ll make time.”

ꨄ︎ Interviews about your guys’ new movie were… chaotic, to say in one word. It was really Vi and you laughing together and slapping each other's shoulders in excitement while somebody asks you questions every now and again. At times you felt bad that you couldn’t give them the attention you promised, answer the questions without going on a 2 minute tangent with Vi. But as the interviewers cackled alongside the two of you, as the PR and marketing managers were raving about the success of the interviews a sensation of accomplishment trades its place.

ꨄ︎ At the premiere, you had seats directly next to each other, you arrived together, and all the pictures of one of you had the other in it. There was no escaping it.

ꨄ︎ Neither of you chose to confirm or deny any dating rumors. Whether they were true or not, it's none of anyone's business. Though they were true, sometimes the articles were so ridiculous. The fat heads all of those ‘journalists’ would get if you confirmed to be dating would drive anyone insane.

ꨄ︎ When trying to be mysterious about your feelings for Vi you didn’t do a great job. Falling into a sour mood anytime she mentioned another girl, replying instantaneously to her messages when both you and her knew it was hard to get hold of you via texts most of the time, or when you’d stare at her plump lips while she rambled about something or other. Imagining you were tracing the scar that inhabits the height of her slightly chapped lips. You were zoned out, too busy thinking about what it would taste like to kiss her. She knew you were zoned out, she realized a long time ago. The heat filling her chest and butterflies fluttering in her stomach had her continue rambling. If she stopped talking, you stopped looking at her like that. Like Vi painted the sky and placed the ground you walked atop.

ꨄ︎ First dates were hard. For everyone. But especially Vi. She wasn’t sure what she even enjoyed doing half the time. She went to work, she went to the gym and came home. She didn’t have the time for hobbies, not anymore at least. So where the fuck does she take you? She googles it over and over trying to think of something. She could ask somebody for advice but she wanted to do it on her own. If she can’t even plan dates how the fuck could she be a partner in life? She refused to ask anyone for help on this one.

ꨄ︎ She ends up doing the basic idea she was trying to avoid. Anybody could do the typical dinner and a movie date. That’s like THE date. She’s not overly cocky about this idea, but she knows that she’ll get better at planning dates. Sitting down at a restaurant that has maybe 2 other customers in the building, a random american diner in the corner of a strip mall, she stutters out an awkward compliment. “You look… You look pretty.” an endearing smile grows on your face. The rest of dinner flies by and before you know it, the movie is beginning. Vi’s arm wraps around you and tugs you into the side of her. Her strong physique had just the right amount of softness and sturdiness for you to fall asleep halfway through the movie. You awoke as the credits were finishing rolling and the lights had been flashed on ages ago. Vi shakes your sleepy body ever so softly. “Psst. Wake up, the movie’s over,” Vi whispers into your ear and tucks loose strands of hair behind the same ear she had been cooing in. “Come on. I’ve got you.” She helps you sit up. Her eyes relax and she gazes at you as a yawn leaves your body. She watches you stretch up and catches the smallest sight of your midriff when your shirt raises with your arms. She feels herself getting dizzy and hot– looking away as the blush starts appearing dusting over her face and tips of her ears.

ꨄ︎ Vi’s thankful for the opportunity to work on that film, she becomes more grateful when she realizes it brought you together. The set of that grimy movie will forever hold a special place in her heart. Though she’d never say that part out loud.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

thank you for reading ;-; I was having a weirdly hard time finishing this, I'm sorry if it comes off as rushed :,)

#ao3 #fanfic #lesbian #x reader #arcane x reader #vi x reader #vi headcanons #Vi x you #vi x y/n #arcane fanfiction #Vi au #vi arcane #vi #vi league of legends #arcane #vi one shot #oneshots #vi fluff

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eashgirl · 2 days ago

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Tf One AU idea

What if like Decepticon Bee and Autobot Starscream but it occured at the exact same time?

Imagine Optimus already grieving the loss of his best friend — and then, on top of that, his new friend decides to leave with him too. I get it though; B wouldn’t want anyone to be alone, so he’s not siding with Megatron because he agrees with him, but because that’s his friend. And Optimus just has to sit there and accept it — like, yeah, it hurts, but... oh well. It’s their choice, and he has to respect it.

Then he and Elita turn around — and Starscream’s still there.

After Elita tells him to leave, he just flat-out refuses — for a bunch of complicated reasons he won’t say out loud. But really, it mostly comes down to the fact that he just doesn’t want to. Probably out of pure pettiness, since he’s still bitter about being demoted. He figures there’s no point in going back anyway, and now he wants to start grabbing power here instead.

(Also because he’s secretly homesick and dealing with a lot of internalized issues he won’t admit. And a lot of them are related to the Primes and the nagging sense of guilt which he totally won't admit even under threat, tbh my headcanon is a lot of the High Guard do hold a sense of Guilt of failing at their jobs I think Starscream Shockwave and Soundwave would have it to a greater degree since they were high ranking members)

And technically, the High Guard was supposed to serve the Primes — and from his point of view, Optimus was clearly the stronger one. So why should he leave?

Meanwhile, he’s just conveniently ignoring the whole "participated in terrorism" part.

Now Elita and Optimus aren’t just trying to build a faction from scratch while preparing for a possible war against the Decepticons or Quintessons — they’re also grieving the loss of two friends and stuck dealing with someone who basically has no moral compass left. There goes their mental stability.

Meanwhile, to make things even more painfully ironic, a lot of the Decepticons and old High Guard actually end up liking B. He’s like their weird, annoying little brother — it’s a toxic mess, but some of them genuinely care about him.

Bottom line: they’re having way more luck than Optimus and Elita right now.

Meanwhile, Megatron’s still spiraling, but he’s actually trying to be nice to B — he really does appreciate that at least one of his friends stuck with him. But sometimes, no matter how hard he tries, he just can’t keep it together.

Not that B’s having a great time either. Honestly, the only ones who are actually nice to him are Soundwave, maybe Thundercracker, and a few other bots here and there. (Totally not me pushing my Thunderbee agenda.)

Meanwhile, Shockwave and Elita are both just out here having the absolute worst day of their lives

The thing is, no one’s personalities are actually different in this AU. B still doesn’t really approve of Megatron’s actions — just like in the movie — so he’s not exactly a hardcore Decepticon supporter or anything. He just feels lonely overall, he wants to befriend everyone but they are all either hardened veterans who don't want to talk too much to him or straight up ignore his presence unless it's to do something they want,he wants to talk to D/Megatron but the latter is just acting so distant and he can't even talk to Elita and Optimus either.

He also doesn't like violence too much and is horrified seeing what the decepticons are becoming but feels overall so lonely.

Starscream is still Starscream. He’s still trying to pull the same stunts he used to with Megatron, except now he’s doing it with Optimus — and the difference is, Optimus and Elita absolutely do not put up with his crap. So he has no choice but to back off... though of course, he still makes himself a pain for everyone around him.

And he can’t exactly go crawling back to Megatron either, because at this point Megatron would just see him as a traitor. So Starscream’s basically stuck trying to make the best of the mess he threw himself into, since he really can't go back even if he wanted to since Shockwave and Soundwave are not picking up his calls( because he deliberately ignored their calls) and he's overall not having a good time because he legitimately would not leave even when he was banished Elita forced his ass to do community service including help rebuild some of the buildings he destroyed which he still holds resentment over. Because over 70+ bots destroyed those building why is he the only one who has to rebuild them lol? It took quite a while but he did do it out of spite. (Not entirely by himself because Optimus was feeling sympathetic)

Pushing my Elita/Starscream as rivals agenda they both end up in arguments over battle strategies and straight up every possible thing ever and she is so fed up. I ironically think he would try pulling off most of the stunts on her rather than Optimus because Optimus is Prime no point in trying to challenge that, but he can try to one-up Elita or atleast get on her nerves and she is 2 seconds away from personally kicking him out of Iacon.

Meanwhile, Optimus and Elita just want B to come back home.

There's a lot of pettiness in this AU Megatron thoroughly knows yeah maybe this isn't working out but he just doesn't want to show any weakness Infront of Optimus, so over battle calls he just tries to pretend B is much happier here than with you, Optimus is fine with their choice even if it pains him but like are you really sure about that because B is looking unhappy? Meanwhile Starscream passive aggressive interactions with Shockwave and Soundwave to see how well they are faring without him.

Soundwave is doing perfectly fine actually he's not even mad, he just thinks it's unconventional and kind of funny,Shockwave is mad because he now has to deal with B's ramblings by himself. He and Starscream have petty interactions

"you replaced me with the yellow bug?"

"quit saying that!no one replaced you, you left on your own".

The end result is no one is happy, but everyone has a horrible time adjusting. Resulting in a weirdly different timeline of events. B might eventually defect once he realizes this is definitely not working and if Megatron does something to make him make that choice,I don't know about Starscream yet if in an AU like this would he even have much of a reason to go to the Decepticons besides maybe kinship?

I have the entire outline of this plotted out to a possible 25 chapter fic, but I can only publish it after exams, fun fact I had this idea in January in the literal middle of my mock exams I had free time after finishing the paper and came up with it lol.

I don't know if anyone already made an AU like this but just wanted to share my thoughts. I just thought it would be funny. I've seen the idea float around in the fandom and a tag in ao3 but I think the one who originally created the decepticon bee AU is yuukirita so I'd say it's partially inspired by it the other part is just me thinking there are 4 of the quartret and with Megatron and the tripe S trio that would also be a quartet wouldn't it be funny if Bee went with Megatron and Starscream stayed back? That's the idea really.

But plz check out their AU it's great.

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godmadeaterribleerror · 3 days ago

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Chapter 9 - All I've Learned

Series Masterlist - Main Masterlist

Author's Note: Chapters getting longer. I'm in danger.

Chapter Title from Lay All Your Love On Me by ABBA

Word Count: 13.2k

Chapter Summary/Warnings: You and Bucky have a rare, good day.

Tags: Bucky Barnes/Female Reader, enemies to friends to lovers, canon divergence, slow burn, smut, angst, fluff

Chapter 8 - Chapter 10

Read on A03!

This had gotten out of control.

It was building. The heat over his skin whenever She was near him was turning into a burn. The electric and clean feeling up his spine was making him stand tall whenever She looked at him. Bucky’s inability to look away from Her was becoming a hazard to his critical thinking, and the sound of Her voice was becoming an addiction.

He was past physical attraction. Bucky had felt a lot of physical attraction since the whole Blip thing, but he’d been able to push it down for their sake, or his own. He’d been able to keep it on a leash, at the very most indulging in a slightly dance or conversation, and—once or twice on weaker nights—more. But Bucky would always remember that he was himself, and no one could deserve or tolerate that. There was still blood on his hands, and nobody deserved to be tainted with it a level deeper than their skin.

That reminder wasn’t being nearly as effective as it was supposed to be. Bucky was supposed to look at the pretty girl, tell himself they didn’t deserve all the pain and weight that came with him, and then walk away. Then the heat was supposed to die. Flicker out because it had only been a little candle, and Bucky didn’t know how to keep things alive anyway.

But She never liked to make things fucking easy for him. She’d let Bucky get pissed at her again, only to turn around reshape the whole fucking world in his head. He’d been trying to genuinely explain that he didn’t want Her getting the wrong idea about what kind of man he was, and then She’d pushed back—the Moon in Her eyes feeling as if it was flowing into his body—and Bucky had gotten annoyed because he’d been trying. He’d really been trying to make things better, because he’d wanted to. He was less angry around Her and that felt good, but part of keeping Her safe was from him as well.

So he’d snapped that She didn’t understand, and it had felt like a clever blow at the time. Most people didn’t understand. Could never understand what he’d done, and how he hated himself for it, and how not your fault didn’t fucking help, because it made him feel like a vessel. Not a person, just a channel that Hydra had overtaken.

But god fucking damnit, She had gotten it. In a roundabout and twisted way, She got it. Bucky didn’t like it—and if Sam really had known about it, Bucky was going to ask why the hell he hadn’t stopped it, or found a better way for Her to get money that didn’t involve that—but he understood it. Their bodies weren’t what had been broken and bended, it was their heads. Control that had slipped because there was no other way out, and even out had been an unimaginable luxury that Bucky would kill to keep.

He’d kill for Her to keep it. To never have to go back to that. Nobody should have to do that in the first place, but Bucky could feel that burning, electric fury through his blood at the idea of Her doing it.

They wouldn’t have let Her talk. And they certainly wouldn’t have wanted to hear Her thoughts.

Those were the best parts of Her. Smothering them felt like a fucking crime, just one level below making Her look like a caged animal when She should be fighting and biting and wandering as She pleased.

Bucky would kill to let Her keep Herself.

And no matter how it had spun his stupid feelings around and out of control, Bucky could pin three benefits of the conversation on the roof.

One, a lot of things in his log suddenly made a lot more sense. Why She never said anything when the suits gave Her blatant once-overs and smirks. Why She raised Her chin so high all the time and never bended or dropped the Queen mask in Her office.

Why She hated Bucky calling Her doll.

If he could help it, he’d never say that word again.

Two, they were friends. Nothing more, but nothing less, either. Bucky didn’t have to keep trying to pretend he still hated Her. He could laugh at Her jokes, and maybe sit at Her desk instead of on the couch when they ate lunch, and car rides didn’t have to be filled with a suffocating, forced silence that made his skin prickle.

He could keep making his way through all Her media recommendations, and if Sam got on his ass about it, it could because She was his friend.

Sam was going to counter that they were friends too, and Bucky never did anything for him. But Bucky could just snap that Sam had worse taste than She did, and that could be the end of the conversation, because they were friends.

Finally, She really didn’t pity him. She just refused to let him wallow.

Which wasn’t helping with the heat.

Nothing was helping with the heat.

This was a pre-Hydra heat. These were the kind of feelings that had been for when he thought he’d be shipping back after the war, and he wanted to find someone to build a life with. The kind of feelings Steve used to tease him about, because he’d get dopey-faced about a girl and all the Sargent Barnes swagger would vanish.

It was a small mercy that Bucky had lost that swagger a long time ago. It gave him a little extra cover around Her and—more importantly—Sam. He didn’t need either of them noting how he was staring at Her more and more. How he wasn’t just opening doors because it was polite, but because She’d give him a small smile at it would swell comfortably in his chest. He listened to Her all the time because that’s how conversations worked, not because Her voice was like some sort of spell. He stared at Her because that’s what he did. Everyone knew Bucky stared. He’d gotten complaints.

And he was looking at Her because She was impossibly beautiful, and he couldn’t look away.

But that didn’t matter. And Bucky could hide it.

It wasn’t like anything could come of this, anyway. Sam may have been right that She didn’t hate Bucky, but Bucky was really fucking pushing it with just friendship. She was the job. The job had to come first, Her safety had to come first. Bucky was just going to have to use his annoying craving for Her to fuel him. Hydra wouldn’t touch Her, because they ruined things and Bucky wanted to be the only thing to ruin Her-

She also had a boyfriend. A horrible asshole of a boyfriend, who might be responsible for all little cracks Bucky was starting to see form over Her in the morning, but a boyfriend all the same.

Bucky wasn’t sure if agreeing to be friends had given him the right to ask questions. To try and ask why the hell She was with Miles. White-teeth and sneering voice Miles. Someone who made Her small and nervous and quiet, who didn’t even look at Her, who clearly didn’t care if She got hurt.

Who didn’t even seem to like Her, let alone deserve Her.

Not that Bucky would be better.

But he’d never make Her small. Or let Her get hurt. And he’d keep opening doors for the rest of time, and he’d smile at Her because She was worth smiling at, and he’d always look at Her because She was beautiful. And Bucky liked Her. He liked how She never stopped moving, so keeping up with Her was something good to do. He liked how She always did what She said. He liked all Her different faces. How obviously well-made they were, but how Bucky could always see bits of Her, the real Her, creeping through because they were too powerful to be smothered.

He really liked the real version of Her. The one he got to see when no one else was around, who had never cowered away from Bucky just because he was Bucky.

If anything, She’d fought harder because he was Bucky. Bitten harder because She knew he could take it, instead of treating him like some kind of live-wire set to snap.

And She’d won. Bucky liked Her.

More than liked Her.

This wasn’t a candle. This wasn’t going to flicker.

It was a wildfire, and Bucky was going to have to deal with that himself.

He picked Her up Monday morning, same as always, and forced himself not to noticeably stand taller and puff out his chest when She walked into the garage.

Bucky could deal with this. Handle this. Control it. He smiled at Her because She smiled first, so it would be weird not to smile. He scanned over Her because it was his job to assess Her safety, not because he wanted to risk a look at how Her skirt draped over her body. His gaze lingered on Her lips and pretty features because he could swear there was more makeup than usual, not because he couldn’t look away.

And She looked good. She always looked good, like one of those perfectly made museum statues come to life. There was a slight slump to Her shoulders, and Her steps weren’t as graceful as usual, but it was early. She was likely just tired.

It wasn’t any earlier than normal, though. And Her slump vanished the moment She met Bucky’s eyes, replaced by a taut, almost visible weight on Her shoulders as She threw them back and raised Her chin high.

Bucky would keep an eye on that.

At least She wasn’t small and shaking.

“Morning, Butterfly.” He caught the keys, and Her smile widened. All slightly crooked teeth and full lips, and Bucky wanted to taste Her-

Control. He could keep this under control.

“Morning.” She hummed, Her smile not dropping for a second as Bucky opened Her door. Their arms brushed as She climbed into the car.

This was going to kill him.

“I have a trip today. It’s a yellow.” She said as Bucky settled behind the wheel, and he frowned, trying to think back to her color-coded schedule.

He didn’t remember any yellow. “A trip?”

“Another charity thing.” She mumbled, and Bucky glanced over to see Her fiddling with Her hair. “It’s a children’s hospital we gave like, a lot of money to. They asked me to come tour the new wards, so I have to.”

Bucky’s grip tightened on the wheel. “Have to.”

“I’m the face,” She shrugged, and there wasn’t anything nervous or wavering in Her voice, so Bucky let it go. “And this is actually- I love this part. I get to actually move around and talk to people who I don’t hate. Plus, I got a bunch of old Avenger’s stuff from Happy to give out. It’ll be fun.”

A bell rang in the back of Bucky’s head. Yellow had been the rarest of the colors.

Yellow meant whatever She was doing, it was good.

“People you don’t hate.” Bucky repeated, shooting Her a quick look.

She was smiling at him, Her brows raised, and he had to rip his attention away. He was driving. He could not stare at Her while he was driving.

“It’s the kids, isn’t it.”

“Yep. They’re smarter than anyone else I work with.”

Bucky snorted. “That’s hurtful, sweetheart-“

“Not you. You don’t work for me.”

“I work with you.”

“Yeah, but- Do you want to be smarter than a seven-year-old or not?”

He hummed. “Only a seven-year-old, huh. Can’t I be smarter than an eight-year-old, too?”

“Shut up.”

Bucky shot Her a grin, and there was a little pout on Her lips he wanted to bite off.

Control. The fire was spreading to his lower gut, and he could feel where their arms had brushed, but Bucky still had control.

“You don’t have to come for this, you know.” She said, and Bucky blinked. “That’s where I was going with that.”

Bucky frowned at the road. “I do have to come. We’ve been over this, Butterfly, I go where you go-“

“Not if they already have security.” Her voice was strangely soft. Bucky couldn’t read into that right now. “And I’m not saying you can’t go, I’m saying you don’t have to. If you want. You’re supposed to have Monday’s off anyway-“

“I told you we’re not doing that-“

“And I’m telling you that we are. The only reason I didn’t make you leave this morning was because I forgot to talk to Sam about it-“

“He won’t approve it-“

She snorted. “Yeah, he will.”

Bucky scowled. She was right. Sam would, because She was asking, and it was really damn hard to say no to Her, even if Sam wasn’t deeply intoxicated by Her the way Bucky was.

“If you want to drop me at the office,” She continued. “I’ll get my own ride to the hospital, and you can take your day. They have their own security, I’ll be fine.”

Bucky shot Her a flat look. “You know, your office and apartment were supposed to have security too.”

“They do-“

“Tell that to your two Hydra letters.”

She paused, Her lips drawing in a thin line, and when she spoke again Her voice was soft. “Do you and Sam have anything on that, yet?”

Bucky wasn’t sure what he was allowed to tell Her. And more importantly, he wasn’t sure what was good to tell Her. What could reassure Her that they had it under control, while not putting Her in danger for knowing things She didn’t need to, and—as a small side benefit—make Her feel more certain that Bucky could protect Her.

Sam would say to not tell Her anything. The less She knew, the better, and if She got pissed about that then she’d just have to deal.

But Bucky didn’t want Her in the dark. The dark was dangerous. It led to missteps and fear, and She didn’t need that. Even if Bucky was leading Her and shielding her through it, She should still know what they were moving through.

And Sam wasn’t here right now.

“Bucky-“

“We have some leads.” He muttered, his words slow and careful as he thought them out. He wouldn’t tell Her enough to put Her in danger, but he refused to leave Her stranded in the dark. “A few older Hydra projects that have been resurfaced. No cracks in the code yet, for either letter, but Sam’s made progress.” He paused, then added, just for the fucking sake of it, “You’re safe. Nothing’s going to happen to you.”

She sighed, and when Bucky glanced over, She was chewing on the inside of Her cheek and rubbing at Her skin. Nervous, a little shrunken into the seat, Her eyes slightly glazed over and breathing a little too shallow.

Still.

She was still.

“I’m going with you.” Bucky grunted, turning into the garage. “To the hospital.”

“But-“

“I took Saturday and Sunday off. I don’t get three days off.” And She thought this was good. Bucky wanted to know what She considered good.

Her tongue poked between Her teeth, and the pout was back. “But you’ll take Monday next week.”

“Sure.”

Her eyes narrowed. “James.”

He gave Her a small smirk as the car came to a stop. “I said sure, Butterfly, I don’t know what your problem is.”

“It wasn’t a real sure.” She mumbled. “When you say sure like that, it’s never real.”

She sounded like that actually bothered Her. It was doing something fuzzy to Bucky’s brain.

He leaned down, staring at Her until she glanced up to meet his gaze, Her eyes widening slightly as they stared at each other.

“That was a real sure.” He drawled Her name, trying not to think about how Her lips were slightly parted, about how the Moon was glowing in Her eyes. “I mean it. I’ll take Monday, but I’m goin’ with you today. No way out of that, sweetheart. Got it?”

She swallowed, not breaking his gaze. “Got it.”

“Good.”

They were still staring at each other. Bucky wasn’t able to be the one who looked away first. And he could see every dimple and divet on Her face, and every color in Her eyes, and all the sharper and softer features of Her face that were almost magnetic.

Control meant not moving closer. Not letting himself lick his lips because that wasn’t professional, and they may be friends, but this wasn’t the friend’s part. This was the job part. He was going to the hospital with Her because it was his job.

Not because he wanted to what it was like for Her to do one of these trips and enjoy it. Not because he was already here, and seeing Her then leaving Her felt like a sin.

Most of this was a sin. Bucky had never been that religious—and any previous faith had been wiped away by Hydra—but there had to be something in all those books about how wanting to touch and see someone all the time wasn’t exactly moral. Especially not when all they’d ever been was touched and looked at.

But he’d touch and look at Her right. And Bucky wasn’t really a moral person anyway.

When She spoke again, Her voice was still soft. But not shaking soft. Sweet soft.

Real sweet. Not saccharine and mocking. It suited Her. And the big, doe eyes still somehow made Her look powerful, and Bucky really couldn’t fucking move away.

“We need to go upstairs so I can grab everything. Then it’s a morning visit, across town, so we’ll come right back, but I might need, um-“ She pulled Her lower lip between her teeth, scanning over Bucky carefully. “Help. Carrying things.”

He didn’t bother to fight his smirk. “You want my help?”

She scowled. “That’s what I said.”

“No, you said you needed help. Not my help.” Bucky raised his brows. “Say you want my help.”

“It was implied that I want your help-“

“But you didn’t say please. Manners are important, sweetheart-“

She snorted. “Like you care about manners.“

“Of course I care about manners.” He drawled Her name, holding Her gaze. “I’m not an animal. Say please.”

He was pushing it. He could tell he was pushing it, and if She sneered and spat in Bucky’s face, he’d deserve it.

But She was just staring at him, so many things flashing over Her face at once that Bucky couldn’t track them, and Her nostrils flared slightly but that didn’t mean anything, and those weren’t doe eyes, but they weren’t sharp, furious predator eyes either. Bucky didn’t know what they were, but they were enchanting, and if She had to spit in his face for him to see them a little more, he’d pay that price-

Something was wrong with him.

But right now, as Her nose scrunched in an adorable way, Bucky didn’t really care what was wrong with him.

He was winning, and She wasn’t shaking or running from the loss, and he wanted to see that big, glowing look in Her eyes again, a million times.

“You suck.” She muttered, and Bucky laughed.

“I’ve heard. C’mon, Butterfly, you can do it.”

She narrowed Her eyes at him, letting out a slow, long breath. “Please, James. Help me carry things to the car.”

And Bucky was always going to have helped Her. If She’d rolled her eyes and ignored him, he still would’ve helped Her.

But Jesus Christ, that had been worth pushing his luck. She’d used his real name, and Her lashes had fluttered slightly, and She wasn’t moving away so Bucky got to see every bit of Her, on fully display, saying please.

He was worth saying please to. She wanted him—or at least his help—enough for Her to say please.

“Yes, ma’am.” Bucky grinned at Her, She flushed, and he was going to pick up and bring the whole fucking building to the hospital if that was what She wanted.

It wasn’t.

But he would’ve.

Instead, he ended up carrying a lot of little Hulk and Captain America—Steve, not Sam—plushies, some very fancy looking phones he couldn’t even begin to understand how to work, and a lot of bags filled with stickers and shirts and candy, down to the car and into the trunk. She was bouncing on Her feet and talking to him the whole time, Her smile never leaving her face and her words coming so fast Bucky barely got a chance to interject, but he didn’t really care.

It was good to listen to. Meant She was comfortable. Herself.

With Bucky.

And that made him feel a lot better than it should. Made his chest feel light and his head feel clean. He was somewhere She was comfortable.

He was doing something right, and it wasn’t a labor. He didn’t know what, didn’t have a name for it, but he was doing it.

And things felt better.

“Huh.” Bucky frowned at the directions She’d pulled up on the car’s GPS, and She gave him a curious look.

“Huh?”

“That’s near my apartment.” He started the car with a shrug, and glanced over to find that She’d stopped fiddling with the extra bag in Her lap, and was staring at the GPS. “Are you-“

“How near your apartment?”

“A block.” Bucky said slowly, looking between Her tight features and the map. “Why-“

“That’s really far, Bucky.”

“Believe it or not, I’m aware of that.”

She didn’t waver at his flat tone. If anything, Her frown deepened. “I thought you lived closer,” she muttered, and Bucky paused.

This felt oddly important, although most things felt important with Her. Like every single word and thought was a matter of life and death, even when it was about nothing at all.

“How do you get to my place every morning?” She looked up to him, and Her attention had to be some sort of drug. Bucky felt a little light-headed.

He didn’t know how not to answer. “I walk.” He shook his head as Her eyes flared. “But I like it, sweetheart, it clears my head.”

“Are you-“

“I’m sure.” Bucky shrugged, forcing himself to focus on the car. If he didn’t rip his focus from Her now, he’d get trapped, and they’d never leave the garage.

“But you have to get up so early.” She mumbled, fiddling with Her hair, and Bucky snorted.

“That’s rich from you, Butterfly.”

“But I-“

“And I don’t really sleep anyway.” He added before She could start on some sort of that’s not the same or but I’m making you get up even earlier than me rant. “I don’t mind. Swear it.”

She was silent in Her seat—which was incredibly worrying—and when Bucky glanced over, She was staring at him. Into him. And it wasn’t uncomfortable, or make him feel like a specimen. It was just intense. Made the fire start to spread again—lower and hotter and making his breathing feel tight—and he wanted to know if She’d look like that when Bucky dropped to his knees before Her, or if Her eyes with get glazed and soft, only for him-

Bucky wasn’t going to do that. Or anything like that. And imaging it was only torture, because She had a boyfriend. He kept fucking forgetting about that. About how, at the end of the day, She’d go home to someone who did get to touch Her like that.

But didn’t keep Her safe. And made Her small.

The heat was becoming venomous, and twisting around his heart, and it might be jealousy.

Fuck.

“I don’t sleep either.” She finally mumbled, and Bucky had to stop himself from breaking the wheel. That felt important too, and it was starting to stir his gut with the warning, but he couldn’t work out why. “You like the walks?”

Bucky gave a short nod, forcing his attention to stay on the road, and She hummed.

“Can you promise you’ll tell me if you change your mind?“

“Promise.” Bucky grunted. “But I won’t.”

“Okay. Spider-Man or Captain America?”

“What.”

“For a sticker.” She said, as if it was obvious, and Bucky glanced over to see Her holding two incredibly detailed and large stickers—one of Steve, and the other of the Spider-Kid—and examining them like they were the most crucial things in the world. “Can I put one on your arm, please?”

Bucky must have hit his head this morning or something. Maybe old age had been catching up to him, and it was just hitting all at once. “What.”

She sighed, holding up the stickers. “I want to put one on your arm-“

“Why would you possibly want to do that-“

“Because it would be cute.” She shrugged. “The kids will like it.” She gave him a quick, teasing smile. “Please?”

Bucky had unleashed a monster. He hadn’t won with the boxes, he’d just been lured into a false sense of security where he’d thought he’d won. In reality, She was now going to say please all the time, and he was going to do whatever the hell She asked.

But She said it so pretty. And so Her. With a little lilt in Her voice and a slight pout Bucky could hear, something still teasing below the word, but also genuine at the same time, and Bucky had no one to blame but himself. He’d started a game without knowing, without realized the fucking consequences of Her being beautiful and wanting things from him. What that would do to his head and his body.

“I was going to wear my gloves.” He muttered, already knowing it was hopeless and he was a goner, glancing down to his black, vibranium hand on the wheel. “Don’t want to freak the kids out.”

She laughed. Full and strong and fuck. “They won’t get freaked out, Bucky. And you know what will help with that?”

Bucky didn’t bother to answer. She’d continue regardless.

“Stickers.” She leaned forward, and no amount of glowering at the road and trying to claw up some resilience to Her everything was going to save Bucky now. “Spider-Man or Captain America?”

He sighed, and gave in. “Are those my only options?”

“No. But your third one is Tony. Choose, Buck.”

God fucking Mary and Christ. Buck. She’d called him Buck, and his heart was going to burst out of his chest. He was molten and clean over his every nerve all at once, he was more than a goner, he never should’ve let Sam convince him to go to game night so She could forgive him, never should’ve looked at Her, this had been a terrible idea from the start and She’d called him Buck and said it so easily-

“I could find a fourth option?” Her voice was suddenly soft, and Bucky realized he’d never answered Her question. “I think I saw a little Sam in the back, but it was from his Falcon days-“

“I’m not putting Sam on my arm.” Bucky grumbled, and She giggled.

There was the electricity. The feeling that made Bucky think he could move a mountain to make Her laugh or smile.

Control. Even the fake semblance of control was slipping through his hands, and he needed to white-knuckle it back into him because She wasn’t his, and She had a boyfriend, and She was just beautiful and consuming all on Her own. Bucky’s growing need for Her wasn’t Her problem, couldn’t be Her problem, he would not be another man who made Her small or nervous, let alone into just a toy. Control.

“Then you get Spider-Man or Captain America, Sargent. Choose now or you get Tony.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, mostly for the show of it. “Well, Butterfly, the Spider-thing-“

“Spider-Man-“

“I don’t care. He tried to beat me up in an airport.”

She was silent for a second, but it wasn’t a pained silence. And Bucky didn’t need to look over to know She was grinning. “Did he win?”

“No.” Bucky grunted, and She giggled again.

“Holy shit, he totally won-“

“Shut up. I wasn’t expecting him, and he caught my fuckin’ arm. Plus he shits webs or something, and- Sam lost too-“

“Alright, I get it.” She giggled again, bumping Bucky’s shoulder with Her’s, and She really couldn’t have any idea what that did to him. “Touchy.”

“Are you going to put the sticker on my arm or not-“

“Well, do you want the Captain sticker?”

Bucky frowned at Her. “Sounds like it’s my only option, sweetheart.”

“If you won’t wear Spider-Man, yeah, but- I dunno.” She shrugged, frowning at the stickers. “I know he’s like, your friend. And if it’s weird I don’t want to make you. It’s just a sticker, it’s not a big deal.”

Bucky sighed. She was doing it again.

Saying exactly what She needed to get what She wanted, and it wasn’t even on purpose. This wasn’t the same as when She sneered or drawled and sang like a sweet, innocent bird—that you knew could peck your eyes out—to people at work. Or even like how She’d backed Bucky into corners before, with fast words and that wolf-like smile.

She was just talking, and caring about him in Her weird, unmovable way—just like with the oatmeal, and therapy, and walk to Her apartment—and how Bucky didn’t see a world where he didn’t do exactly what She needed.

“I’ll do both.”

She blinked up at him. There were the doe eyes.

He really was a lot fucking more than a goner.

“Bucky, you don’t have to-“

“The kids will like it.” She’d like it. “They’re just stickers, Butterfly. I’ll take them off after.”

“Are you sure?”

Bucky gave Her a firm as he pulled into the hospital parking garage. “Would I be offering if I wasn’t.”

She stared at him, carefully toying with Her own hair again, and suddenly Bucky wanted to feel it between his fingers. Wanted to tug on it and see if She’d whine and tip Her head back for him, how it would to have a fist of it while She was on her-

No. He wouldn’t reduce Her to that.

Fucking control.

Bucky parked the car, and he could still feel Her face as he took a deep breath and shrugged off his jacket, flexing his vibranium hand once before extending it across the console.

“I’ll take Sam, too.” He said, holding Her gaze. “But no Stark.”

A small smile pulled onto Her face, and she let out a soft laugh. “I think these two will be fine.”

Bucky gave a sharp nod, and watched carefully as She scanned over his arm, fidgeting with the Spider-Man in her hands.

“Can I-“ She swallowed, looking up at him with shockingly careful gaze. “Is it okay if I touch you?”

It was a lot more than okay.

Bucky still had to act incredibly normal about it, and only give a firm nod and very controlled words.

“Go ahead.”

She gave him another truly sweet, almost delicate smile, and trailed Her fingers over his bicep.

It was just for the sticker. Bucky’s teeth were going to snap as he stared very pointedly at the console, but it was just for the sticker.

But he hadn’t know he could get goosebumps on the vibranium until this. He needed to call Shuri later, and demand to know why the hell she’d thought that was necessary to program into this thing. The princess was a genius, but was no possible way that she could’ve anticipated Her, and what She was doing to every bit of Bucky’s will. Shredding it easily and happily as She touched his arm with a gentle care it really didn’t deserve, that Bucky didn’t deserve, and it was just for the sticker but it was also still making his human hand—hidden at his side, where She couldn’t see—curl into a fist as She splayed her palm near his shoulder.

No one could anticipate Her, though, so he couldn’t blame Shuri for not knowing what giving his arm this amount of sensory ability could do.

He was still going to need to figure out how to turn it off. Simply for the sake of his own sanity. It wouldn’t push him to do things he shouldn’t—Bucky might be a little less than a man, but he was still far more than an animal—but it was going to drive him out of his mind.

The Spider-Man sticker ended up on the side of his bicep, and the little Steve found its way near where She’d been touching his shoulder.

Where Bucky couldn’t see it.

And some part of him was grateful for that. He hadn’t even realized he wouldn’t want a small replica of Steve staring up at him whenever he glanced at his arm, but he didn’t. He didn’t need the reminder that the whole world was scattered with reminders of his best friend, and that Bucky was just as close to Steve as everyone else, because Steve had left him-

He isn’t supposed to be mad about that. It wasn’t a useful anger, like the anger at Hydra, or that fuckhat Miles.

Bucky had been less angry lately, overall. He wouldn’t let it come back like this.

Where She could see it, and probably try to deal with it in a way that would be helpful. Annoying, but helpful.

That wasn’t Her problem.

So Bucky just looked up at Her, and found Her smiling at him. Her fingers still lingering on his forearm, where She’d snuck a third sticker.

A tiny little Sam, in the full Captain America gear.

Bucky frowned at Her. “You said you only had in him the Falcon suit.”

“I’m only supposed to have him in the Falcon suit. Stark Industries doesn’t have a copyright on Sam’s likeness as Captain America, he could sue me for having these.” She shrugged at Bucky’s raised brows, and he knew his amusement was written all over his face. “I had them made just for me. I gave a few to Sarah, too. Do you-“

“No.”

She laughed, and Bucky’s own grin hurt a little. He couldn’t stop staring at Her, even as Her laughter eased off, and-

“Thank you.” She said, voice still sweet, and he was going to die. “For coming. I- Thank you.”

She was smiling at him. And thanking him. In a real way, on purpose. Smiling at him and fluttering Her lashes and playing with Her hair, and she looked like a siren or angel or something mythical that did more than just drown or save people.

He wasn’t sure what.

He’d really like to find out.

Bucky had to kick his brain into action. He could say it was his job, but it wasn’t. And they were past just his job.

“Of course.” He shrugged. “You asked.”

That was the right answer. She flushed again, and Her eyes widened slightly with her smile, and that had been the perfect answer.

It was a good thing they had to move. Do their jobs. Movement meant Bucky would have to focus on more than Her, and when he did focus on Her, he’d have a good, unquestionable reason to do it. He wouldn’t have to worry about his stupid feelings and desire crossing his face, and freaking Her out.

He wouldn’t do that to Her.

Friend and bodyguard. That was his role here. He opened the door for Her because of the other reasons, but She never had to know or think about them. He was walking so close behind Her because it was safer, and talking to Her because friends talk. He was in complete, entire control, and he’d keep it through the rest of the day.

His name was James Buchanan Barnes. The hospital walls were painted with colorful flowers, and the woman who was showing Her around got her coffee order wrong.

He’d find the machine and correct that later. And tell Her assistant—Grace, Bucky was pretty sure her name was Grace—to get a little extra, because She was drinking this cup with a polite smile, but Bucky could see the strain in how She swallowed. She should have the better coffee, that She liked. And She wasn’t going to complain, but Bucky was still going to fix this, and not focus on how She might look swallowing other things, if She wanted to-

Children’s hospital. Bucky was in a children’s hospital, and he was supposed to be doing his exercise. He needed to get it the hell together.

His name was James Buchanan Barnes. The little Sam on his forearm was judging him for being horny in a hospital, and so far, they’d visited twelve children. He liked how She fit shockingly well here. This version of Her was softer. Gentle, with the same large words as She used, but slower for the kids to keep up with. Her smile was like a doe now, too, but Her eyes were like a bear. Firm and attentive, looking at each child with possible more interest than Bucky had ever seen Her look at a suit. It was another thing to like about Her, and Bucky couldn’t even pretend to be angry about it.

He didn’t like how his arm felt bare. Wrong. Like a void, eating at all the soft lights and pastel colors, with all the kids were staring at it.

But She’d been right. They hadn’t seem freaked out. Just fascinated, and he didn’t… hate that. So his arm felt bare, but it wasn’t bad, and now he needed another thing he didn’t like.

Bucky didn’t like that She’d been right. It made him trust Her judgement more, and spread the warmth all over his spine again.

He needed to get it together.

He wanted Her to look at him. And to tell the kid that called Her pretty that She wasn’t just pretty. She was beautiful. The kid should stop and take this in, because Bucky had lived a hundred years, and seen a lot of beautiful things, and was still trying to wrap his head around just how beautiful She actually was.

There was the need again. To get it together, because that was a child, and She hadn’t seemed offended. She’d laughed, smiled, and tucked Her hair behind her ears, before rushing the conversation along like She was trying move past it as soon as possible.

Bucky also wanted to tell Her she was beautiful. To see that reaction again. To have Her smile redirected at him.

Three wants.

That wasn’t good.

“Miss?” One of the kids in a bigger room raised their hand, eyes wide on Her’s. “Have you ever been sick?”

Bucky had long lost track of exactly what they were doing, but he was able to very quickly work out that this was some sort of ask the cool lady questions group, and his job was stand behind Her and be quiet.

And he’d somehow forgotten how children had a remarkable talent to unknowingly ask the most loaded questions possible. Bucky still remember the little Wakandan girl who liked the goats, and had asked him over and over how he’d lost his arm, and why he wasn’t allowed to have the fake one yet, and what does brainwashing mean.

This wasn’t quite like that. It still made Her pause and frown at the air.

“Yes, I have been. Since I was young, just like you guys.”

“How sick?” Another kid called, and if this wasn’t a hospital, Bucky would be worried about their fascination with sickness.

“Really sick.” She shrugged. “But I have good days too. And I’ve learned to live with it, just like all of you will.”

Bucky wasn’t sure live with it was an accurate description for what he’d seen—where She’d crumbled apart for long, long days until it was tolerable, only for it come back worse and leave Her exhausted—but the kids seemed happy with Her answer. They all nodded at Her with big eyes, and small one in the back raised his hand.

“What’s your favorite color?”

If She was fazed by the pivot, it didn’t show.

And She was really bad at hiding things, and that was a real, gentle smile. Given the way She didn’t even shift in Her seat, she’d been expecting it.

“I like all the colors. They’re all beautiful. But I do have favorites.” She spoke slowly, sitting so tall you’d think She was on a throne instead of a beanbag chair, the kids leaning forward to listen with wide eyes.

Waiting for more. For whatever She’d offer. Clinging to Her every word like it was the most important thing they’d ever hear.

Bucky understood that.

It was how he’d started to feel all the damn time.

“I like brown, silver, and pink.” She was playing with the hem of Her skirt as She continue, and Bucky could see a little bit more of Her thigh, and he needed to get a goddamn grip-

“Why?” One of the kids piped up, and Bucky was grateful. That would’ve been a hard thing to naturally ask later and not sound like an insane person.

“When I was little, I realized that silver was always second to gold, so I made it my best color. I also thought people didn’t love brown, so it could be my other favorite color. And pink-“ She cut Herself off, and Bucky heard a slightly stuttered breath. “I just like pink. It’s fun.”

That wasn’t the whole truth. When Bucky looked a little closer, She was rubbing at her skin again, and the line of Her back was rigid. Forced.

“What’s your favorite animal?” Another kid asked, moving on just as fast as the last, and She still wasn’t fazed.

“I like dragons.”

All the kids gasped, a pretty and amused smile crossed over Her face, and Bucky didn’t realize that people could be like this.

Flawless.

Because every single goddamn thing he found about her just made her better. Dragons were Her favorite animal, and She felt bad for colors, but he’d also heard Her curse outgrown men with a targeted ferocity that made him think She could’ve killed them with words, and She was so loud it really did drown out all the anger and pain in Bucky’s head.

She might be angrier than him. She certain was more than him, in every possible way, and it was far easier to be drawn into it like a beautiful harmony rather than try to block it out. Allowing it to capture him made everything easier. He didn’t have to fight with Her, and be outsmarted over and over until he crossed a line and broke something. He only had to worry about not breaking Her. About not shattering the carefully crafted natural wonder that had been placed in Bucky’s path, growing over and around him until there was no way out.

He didn’t want a way out. He’d have to slash and carve one, and he didn’t have any right to ruin Her like that.

Nothing did.

And there were parts of Her that were already ruined, and She was mean, and loud, and controlling, and She found too many things funny and got on Bucky’s nerves in ways Sam could only dream, but it still made him like Her more. She was mean, but She never crossed a line, and She never really meant it as a blow that could break something. She was loud, but She was distinctive and consuming, so Bucky didn’t really care anymore. She was controlling, but had the wits to back it up.

Things were funny to Her, but it gave Her a light, and it made Her smile more. And Her smile was the best thing Bucky had ever fucking seen.

She got on Bucky’s nerves, but most things did. At least She was kind and beautiful and strange in a way Bucky wanted to hold. At least She never flinched away from Bucky in fear or disgust.

All of Her flaws were, somehow, virtues. Cracks in Her mosaic that brought it all together, only She should never be hung on a wall, either. She was art, but living and breathing and moving, all while remaining untouchable.

And Bucky still couldn’t look away.

“Mister?”

Bucky kept staring at Her, but something was tugging at his pants. Maybe the wind.

Her eyes met Bucky’s, and it looked like She was trying to fight a smile. Bucky didn’t know why She would do that. She was bad at it, and now he didn’t get to see Her smile-

“James.” She said, nodding down to his pants. “Pay attention.”

“I am, there’s just some-“

Bucky cut himself off as his eyes landed on a child, staring up at him, right by his leg.

It hadn’t been the wind.

“What.”

That had been too harsh. Bucky thought about offering the kid a smile too, but he’d been told when he was forced to smile, he looked like he was being tortured. It likely wouldn’t help the situation.

So he just raised his brows, and the kid cleared their throat.

“I like your arm.” They mumbled, and before Bucky could ever fully process it, they lifted up their leg and continued. “It’s fancier than mine.”

Bucky looked at the kid’s arm, and it seemed fine. Their shirt was a little ugly, but that wasn’t a helpful thought, and-

“The leg.” She whispered in Bucky’s ear, and Bucky started at Her. He really did need to work out how She was getting past all his defenses.

“Wha-“

“Look at his leg.”

Oh.

Wooden leg. The kid had a wooden leg.

That tracked.

“I, uh-“ Bucky cleared his throat. “I like your leg. It’s cool.”

The kid’s eyes widened. “Thank you. I can’t put stickers on it, though.”

“That’s fine.” Bucky shrugged. “You want to put another on mine?”

He didn’t know why he’d offered that. It had just slipped out, feeling like the right thing to say, and before he could snap never mind, the kid was beaming and nodding, and She was smiling at him. Wide and real and shit, now Bucky had to do this-

“Iron Man or Falcon?” The kid held up their bag’s stickers, and Bucky sighed.

He would not have two Sam’s on his arm. He’d survive with the Stark.

At least Stark had liked Her. That showed some uncharacteristically good judgment.

“Iron Man.” He grunted, moving to his knees so the kid could reach him better. And as the stick found its way near his elbow, Bucky realized he was on his knees. Not before Her, but near Her.

It was bad enough. He wanted to trail his hand up Her calf and feel Her fingers in his hair and-

No.

He needed to get himself a spray bottle or something. This was becoming the best form of torture he’d ever experienced.

It only got worse when he glanced up, and She was smiling down at him. At Bucky. Bucky alone.

She was looking at him, vulnerable and on the floor, and smiling all pretty. Nobody else was looking.

That smile was real, and just for Bucky.

They were past wildfire. This was volcanic, his unfortunate and unbearable affliction with Her.

It was going to get him in trouble.

But when he smiled back, Her smile grew.

And nothing in the world was going to be strong enough to make him stop.

——————

“Why do you like pink?”

You glance up to Bucky, frown at your from over the small cafe table. “What?”

“You told the kids you like pink.” He shrugs, looking down to his Jell-O. “Why.”

“Because it’s fun, James, I said that-“

“You were lying.” He grumbles, and you blink at him.

“How do you know that.”

Bucky lets out a long sigh, setting down his plastic spoon and holding your gaze. “Look me in the eyes and say you like pink because it’s fun.”

“That’s not an answer to my question-“

“Just do it, Butterfly.”

“But-“

“You were lying.” He says, his voice dropping slightly, and it’s the commanding voice, paired with the commanding glare, and you’re fucked. “I know you were. Why do you like pink.”

You sigh, spinning your plastic fork in your fingers. Of course he knows you were lying. To Bucky, there was probably a big, neon sign on your brow that flashed and said liar every time you spoke. At least half the times you spoke. Most of the Show was lying, so you don’t know why he’s not accusing you of this all the time-

Because the Show’s completely shattered with Bucky. Friends had brought down the last curtains, and now the only hidden bits were the things buried so deep in the dark that you couldn’t see them. The bits about the bond and Miles and why you were wearing a long-sleeve shirt, in early summer, in New York. Bucky would never know about those parts, unless he scraped away your layers by force.

It would be nice if he did. If he turned Hydra’s not going to get you into nothing’s going to get you. Not even the monsters you let into your own home on purpose, because you’re a needy, lonely fucking idiot.

But you’re really not worth that much effort, or labor, or care.

So you’ll just take this—Bucky calling you out on stupid, frivolous lies—instead.

“It was a girl color.” You mumble, poking at a sliced banana on your plate. “And when I was a kid, I hated it because everyone told me girl things were bad. Then I got older, and started my… job.” You give Bucky a pointed look, his jaw twitches. “And I decided that liking pink didn’t get to be another thing that the world took from me.”

“Ah.” Bucky holds your gaze, and gives a short nod. “Good.”

You don’t know what good means. If it’s good that you tried to cling to some semblance of control over your life in the form of a color, or if it’s good you like pink, or if it’s good you didn’t let them take more from you than you had to give them.

It’s probably the last one. The one that he’d relate to the most.

Bucky hasn’t really mentioned the thing at all since you told him. You don’t know what you’d expected. Questions weren’t really his style, and judgement was, but he didn’t seem to be applying it here. To you. For what you’d been and done to yourself.

Sam had been right. Bucky didn’t care.

Even now, he’s already moved on to glaring at his cup. Poking the gelatin with his spoon, and glaring at it like it ripped off his arm.

“I told you not to get Jell-O.” You hum, and he sighs.

“Yeah, I know.”

“You don’t like how sweet it is, do you.”

“I said I know, Butterfly.” Bucky shoots you a glare, but it’s not harsh. It doesn’t bruise over your skin or fester in your head—making you turn over every word to test if it was too far, if you’d crossed a line without knowing and now Bucky would never speak to you again—as you hold his gaze, raising your brows.

It’s amazing, how intensely he can glare while sitting at a table with little rainbows painted over it, slightly hunched into himself because the chair is built for a child, and Bucky is maybe the furthest you can get from that. And his arm is covered in stickers, because after the boy with the prosthetic leg, all the other kids wanted to put stickers on the big, cool man’s arm, and Bucky let them. He’d sighed and knelt down for any kid that asked to add to the collection, and ended up with an entire roster of heroes on the vibranium.

He’d left your Captain America Sam uncovered, in the overlapping mess. You were really trying not to think about that part. Or how he’d grinned at you earlier, or how he’d been looking at you all day—all of you, because you’d made the mistake of showing him how to see the only parts that had remained hidden—or how he was big and grumpy, but still softened ever so slightly whenever the kids would talk to him.

And he’s still glaring at you. It’s a picture that’s impossible to take seriously, and all that’s on his plate is a single cup of Jell-O, and you had told him. You’d said he wouldn’t like it, and he’d said he’d decide what he likes, Butterfly, and you’d dropped it, but you’d been right. And Bucky looks deeply furious about it, but in a way that’s not a fight, but a game. You don’t need to shrink away from his anger and hide in the dark, because it’s not real.

Bucky’s a safe place to be.

But God, he looks adorably ridiculous right now.

His eyes narrow, and a giggle bubbles out of your throat before you can stop it. “I’m sorry,” you mumble, trying and failing to bite down your smile. “It’s- It’s not you- I just-“

You laugh again, and Bucky’s just staring at you, nostrils flaring and jaw clenched. “Jell-O that funny to you, sweetheart?”

“No,” you shake your head, letting out a long, slow breath. “Sorry, I- Do you want some of my fruit?”

You push your plate forward, and Bucky blinks. “What.”

“You’re not going to eat the Jell-O.” You shrug. “Take some fruit.”

Bucky examines you for a long second—the small piece of you that’s starting to get too soft and gooey and happy all the time fluttering under his attentions—and reaches forward slowly.

He takes an apple, still watching you as he retreats with it in hand, and you give him a small smile of reassurance. He’d acting like you’re going to yank it back and spit in his face.

That… might have happened before.

You push your plate fully to the center of the table.

“Me being wrong that funny to you, huh?” Bucky raises his brows, and you shake your head.

“I- It wasn’t really that funny.”

Bucky gives you a flat look. “Butterfly, you think everything is funny. What was it.”

“If I think everything is funny, you don’t have to worry about this-“

“Well now I am worried about it.”

You flush, and you backed yourself into that corner. Bucky’s keeping you there, pinned under his firm gaze, but you didn’t think about your words—it’s far too easy to not think about your words with Bucky—and now you’re trapped.

“I won’t be offended. Thick skin.” Bucky pauses, then offers you a small grin. “From the steroids.”

A full, wide smile grabs at you before you can stop it, you don’t bother to try and force it down. “Oh? I thought that the serum wasn’t steroids.”

He shrugs. “It’s not. I just started to doing new steroids. For when you throw Sam at me.”

You snort, shaking your head. “I could not throw Sam. He’s heavy, I think he’s trying plant his wings in his back or something.”

“I wouldn’t put it past him. Why were you laughing?”

Of course he wouldn’t just drop it. “Bucky-“

“C’mon. I’m serious, sweetheart, I won’t be offended.”

“It’s-“ You sigh, leaning back in your chair and running a hand through your hair. “You looked cute.”

Bucky stares at you, and the apple splits in his hand. “Cute.”

“Yeah.” You shrug, and you really hope one of his powers isn’t super hearing. The mist is rising up your spine under his attention, you can feel your own heartbeat. “This doesn’t have to be weird, Bucky. You have stickers on your arm and you’re sitting in a chair made for a child. It’s cute.”

Blink. Nostril flare. “You made me put stickers on my arm.”

“No, I made you put a sticker. All the others were voluntary.”

“You try saying no to a bunch of kids like that.” He mutters, glaring at the abandoned Jell-O cup, and you raise your brows.

“What happened to thick skin, James?”

“Shut up.”

You laugh again, Bucky’s mouth twitches, and this is too easy. Being his friend is too natural, and that ease is what you’d been trying to avoid, because what he can’t see in you is now something you’re in danger of just telling him, and he is cute, but his smile is starting to do soft things to your bones, and Miles still doesn’t like him-

It’s better to not think about it. You’re allowed to have friends. Miles doesn’t like Sam either, and you’re still his friend. This can just be another Sam.

Nothing about how Bucky’s grinning at you—how you feel your body settling in his presences and that raw piece of you begging for him to touch it—is like Sam. But friends. You just have to not think about it, and remind yourself over and over that you’re friends.

“Oh.” Your eyes widen—something in your brain snapping into place from Bucky’s cute, to he’s your friend, to he’s going to break that plastic spoon—and Bucky frowns at you.

“What’s oh.”

“Wait, give me one-“ You reach down into your bag, digging past extra papers and stray lipsticks until you find it. “Sorry, I forgot this morning, and- Yeah, here.”

Forgotten is a little bit of a lie. You’d gotten distracted, just from the sight of Bucky waiting by your car.

He was attractive. You’d known he was attractive, because you weren’t fucking blind.

But now he was being nice to you. And talking to you. And treating you the same even though he knew most anything, where all the suits who recognized you from your past would still sneer and whisper about you where they didn’t think you could hear, still scan over your body and make you offers and tell all the new hires that the boss was a whore, and Miles-

You can’t think about what Miles did, when he learned who you’d been. How that was the first night you hid in the bathroom, and the first long-sleeve shirt in the summer.

Bucky hadn’t done that. And it’s a bar lower than Hell, but he’d still be clearing it if it was up in the stratosphere, because there’s nothing more to do than treat you like he always has.

He’d just been standing in the garage, tall and broad, and he’d been watching you carefully, and he was handsome. Really handsome. Carved from stone and making you a little dizzy handsome. And his hair looked soft, and his lips were so pink when they’d pulled into a small smile that started in silver-blue eyes-

And you’d gotten distracted.

But that wasn’t what this was about.

You drop the mason jar on the table, grabbing out the metal utensils with it, and Bucky blinks at you.

“What’s this.”

“You always eat with plastic stuff.” You shrug, pushing the items forward. “And, uh, laundry.”

“Laundry.” His tone is unreadable. Maybe you fucked this.

“I remember what you said about the coins, and you were looking at Sam’s washing machine like you wanted to fuck it.” You mumble, push the quarters—trapped in the jar—across the table with a tentative smile. “So unless that’s part of the cyborg thing. Laundry.”

Bucky snorts, but still doesn’t take the jar or utensils. “That’s not part of it. I don’t want to fuck appliances.”

“Oh. Good.”

“Good?”

You flush. “Just because that, um- Can’t be healthy.”

“I’m sure I’d be fine.” He drawls. “If I’m a cyborg, I can probably fuck machines same as I fuck people.”

He’s trying to kill you. His words are probably meant to make you laugh, make you think of him fucking a dryer or microwave, but now all you can think of is Bucky fucking a person. On a bed, under or over him, while he looks at them and watching them fall apart, and it can’t be you, but whenever it’s someone else you feel something tight and sour over your heart, stamping it down until you’re the one under him, and-

Bucky says your name carefully, yanking you from your cruel fantasy—fucking shit, it was not a fantasy, it couldn’t be a fantasy—and you swallow.

“Sorry.”

He frowns. “For what?”

A lot of things. So many things. Uncountable things. “Not giving you the coins sooner. I knew you needed them, I just kept, um, forgetting.”

Bucky’s trying to peel you apart with just his eyes. You don’t like how you can’t tell if he’d care for you when you’re only stripped and bare parts for him to rebuild, or if he’d tear you apart further and sell you out to the highest bidder.

You hate how you feel like he’d care for you. There’s no evidence of that. But you think he would, and that’s incredibly dangerous.

“You didn’t have to give me these at all.” He says slowly, and you frown at him.

“Yes, I did.”

“No-“

“James.” You lean forward, pulling all of your practiced and artificial command together, raising your chin to hold his gaze. “Take the quarters or I’m sneaking them into your bag.”

Bucky’s mouth twitches slightly. “Think I’d be a pretty shit bodyguard if you could sneak quarters into my own bag.”

“Let’s test it and find out.”

If he pushes back, you will find a way to sneak them into his possession. He needs them, you don’t, and it’s that fucking simple.

But Bucky just sighs, and takes the jar. “Fine.”

You stare at him. You’d really been prepared for more resistance. “Fine?”

“That’s what I said, isn’t it.”

You nod slowly, and it is fine.

It’s more than fine.

It’s nice. Better than it’s been, to see him give you an exasperated look, but not mean it, and keep talking to you. To watch Bucky entertain you, even when you don’t deserve it, and really, fully drop the show.

Because you realize—when you’ve returned to your office, and he’s back on the couch as you sit behind your desk—that you barely touched the Show today. With the children it had been more smoke and mirrors—hiding all the vast and dark ugliness of your life from them, making the parts of you that are alive glow for them more than they do in your body—and with the hospital admins it had been polite smiles and handshakes, paired with exchanges of formal words, but other than that it’s all been Bucky.

There’s no Show with him. It feels good.

And it’s putting you both in a danger that even Bucky can’t keep you safe from, but you’re selfish. Cruel. Undeserving and horrible.

So you don’t call anything off. Don’t shove Bucky away so he can save himself from where you’re already permanently trapped.

He’s safe, so you cling to it, and risk taking more.

“James?”

He glances up from his book with raised brows.

You have no fucking clue where he gotten a book, but he’d looked focused, and you may have been staring at him for long minutes before you called his name.

Because he’d been focused, and you hadn’t wanted to interrupt.

Not because Bucky looking focused makes that piece of you flutter again, the mist turns hot up your spine, spreading through your whole body.

“You need something translated again?”

You sigh, shaking your head. “No, I- Um- Can I ask you a question?”

Bucky doesn’t break your gaze. “That was a question.”

“Bucky-“

He chuckles, nodding and pushing to his feet. “What do you need, Butterfly.”

Oh.

He said that too simply.

It’s spreading the mist into your gut.

“Your arm.” You mumble, tucking your hair behind your ears. “I- If you don’t want to talk about it, I’ll drop it, but I have a few questions, just about the tech, and I’m serious, if you don’t want to answer them I can- I’ll figure it out, so-“

Bucky says your name, and your words die quickly in your throat.

He’s looking at you.

Into you.

It doesn’t set you on edge anymore. If anything, you relax.

“Slow down. You’ll hurt yourself.” He drops in the seat across from your desk, pausing for a second as he watches you carefully.

Only half in the seat. Giving you the chance to kick him out.

You offer him a small nod, and he lets out a slow breath before he continues like there was no hesitation at all.

“Say what you want.” He grunts, and that’s the voice, so you listen.

“To know about how your arm works.” You whisper, shredding a hopefully unimportant paper between your fingers. “I- I know it’s connected to your nerves a little bit. And I’m wondering if that technology is… transferable? I don’t know, I’m not good at science, I just…”

You trail off, and Bucky raises his brows.

Maybe you’re pushing it too far. He’s never eagerly spoken about his arm, and you’re not that close, no matter how his eyes are still peeling you apart, and you still trust he’s not going to abuse that power-

“For the kids.” He says slowly, and you can almost hear him turning over your idea in his head. “Like at the hospital.”

You don’t know how he got it, but he did. So you give a small nod, and he sighs.

“This arm is advanced. Wakandan. I have no fucking clue how it works other than the brief rundown I got from Shuri. But,” Bucky leans forward, holding your gaze. “I understood the metal one. That Hydra had me in. I had to do my own repairs on it, when I was the Soldier, and before-“

“Sokovia?”

“Yeah. That.” Bucky sighs. “It wasn’t as realistic as this one this,” his hand flexes in a slight display, and your fingers curl on the paper. You want to touch him. Touching him earlier—the metal cool and rippling under your fingers—was grounding. Fascinating. A little intoxicating, to be that close to him.

That’s not what this is about.

“But I could still feel things with it. Just dulled.” Bucky lets out a long, slow breath, scanning over your face, and you hope he couldn’t see that. The growing, unhelpful hunger that’s going to get you both killed. “I can do that.”

“Do-“

“Give you my best rough schematics.” A small smile tugs to his lips. “I took an engineering course. Turns out I’m not shit at it.”

That doesn’t surprise you at all. You don’t tell him that too. That’s too much, too far, too intimate to say you seem smarter than you care to show people, and you can barely afford having Bucky across the desk.

There’s a cold, quiet dark eating at your brain, and it keeps circling around the idea of Miles walking through the door, seeing Bucky with you, and everything that’s already so fragile crumbling down. You’re stuck in a bird cage, stuck on a tightrope, and you trust Bucky to free you or catch you, but you shouldn’t. You have nothing to back it up but promises he might not be able to fulfill and the fact that he didn’t spit in your face on Sam’s roof. You only have an understanding of him that might be entirely wrong, completely baseless, and it’s all fucking unless anyway.

You can’t save something that’s head is caught in it’s own trap.

He texts you, as you’re packing up to go home. Bucky gives you a small grin and opens the door, you give him a full-lipped smile that feels a little plastic, and all the dread building in your stomach peaks as your phone buzzes.

Miles

going out

dont wait up

change the sheets

And it’s instant. The relief.

You’re not free. You’re never free. But it’s a night that won’t inch by, where you won’t sleep on the bathroom floor or keep your body braced at every second, just in case. You won’t have to smile a little wider than is happy and moan a little louder than is pleasure.

No Show.

A whole day, without the Show.

“You good?” Bucky’s voice is close to your ear, and when you glance up, he’s scanning the parking garage.

Then his eyes fall to yours, and almost lock against them, and your smile widens.

“Butterfly, are you-“

“I’m good.” You whisper, and for once, it’s the truth. Nothing dazzling or flashing around it makes it seem more real.

You’re just good.

Bucky scans you over, and that raw piece of you flutters. Higher and higher up your spine under his attention and in time with your heartbeat and buzzing over your every nerve until-

“Good.” Bucky give you a tight smile from his eyes, opens your car door, and the fluttering stops.

It doesn’t hurt. It’s not shocking or sickening.

It’s warm.

Clean.

Bucky meant it. He doesn’t ask things he doesn’t care to know. He doesn’t say things he doesn’t mean. He opens your door and doesn’t ask for thanks—if it was for thanks, he would’ve likely stopped long ago—and the car ride is lined with soft music because it doesn’t seem to make him scowl as much anymore, and it’s a grace he’s offering you that you don’t think he fully understands.

“Do you want to come up?” Your offer is soft, because he has no reason to say yes, and you don’t want to ruin whatever rare thing is causing good today by saying the wrong thing a breaking something.

“To your apartment?” Bucky shoots you a brief, odd look that you don’t understand, but you nod anyway.

“Yeah. See the Boy.”

“Ah.” He smirks slightly. “You know, I still think he doesn’t have a real name-“

“Well you haven’t done your reading-“

“You haven’t told me what to read.”

Bucky’s right. You haven’t. Didn’t.

You’d picked up Miles, and it had gotten lost in that bubbling dread.

But the dread’s not here now.

“I’ll take anything.”

“You said you were going to ask questions-“

“And I’ll be able to come up with them on the spot.” You give Bucky a pointed look. “Or do you not believe in me?”

He scoffs. “Belief isn’t what I’m worried about. You’re going to ask me something insane.”

“No, I’m not-“

“Yeah, you will. And you won’t think it’s insane, and that’ll make it more difficult.”

You cross your arms over your chest, glaring out to the road. “It’s not my fault you can’t appreciate my genius.” You mutter. “Sounds like a you problem, Bucky-“

“Wouldn’t be. If you gave me that list.”

“Are you coming up to my apartment or not?”

“You really want me up there?”

“Yes.”

Your answer is too fast. Too certain.

If Bucky catches that, he doesn’t even give you a strange look. His fingers only flex on the wheel, and he gives you a small nod.

“Alright, then.”

It’s not a long visit. Bucky comes in, kicks his shoes off without a word, and stands awkwardly in the kitchen until you remind him sitting is allowed.

The Boy finds him fast, jumping up on Bucky’s lap with a squeaking noise, and letting you occupy yourself with the bookshelf.

All the on-display books are ones Miles has approved of. Ones that make you seem like high-minded and sharp people who deserve these types of apartments, rather than the too loud and messy and angry monster and Her keeper. Books that are boring, made of pointlessly long words and a filter of gray over all the scenes, until all you’re looking at is the fog.

Bucky doesn’t need the fog. And he seems content on your couch with the Boy, so you shuffle your way upstairs.

It’s worryingly easy to find a book Bucky will like. You find too many books you think Bucky will like, but they all end the same way.

With the dark, heaviness of tragedy.

“You know how the Wizard of Oz got turned into a movie?” You ask him, moving back down the stairs, and Bucky twists to face you with a small frown.

“Yeah, but I only saw it once.”

“Awesome. So this,” You set the book on the couch near Bucky’s head, he angles the cover to read the title. “Has a movie to go with it, too. And we can watch it, after you read the book.”

Bucky pauses, giving you another unreadable look. “We?”

Shit. “Yeah,” you mumble, playing with your hair as your nudge the book a little further forward. “If you want. But you have to read first.”

He grunts, grabbing the book to read the blurb on the back, and shoots you a glower seconds later.

You return it with a sweet smile, and he sighs.

“Why does it have to be romance.” He grumbles, thumbing through the pages, and you shrug.

“It has a happy ending.”

That earns you another strange look. “There have to be other happy endings that aren’t romance-“

“Nope. The Princess Bride is the only happy book in history. Deal with it, Buck.”

His jaw twitches. “I know that isn’t true.”

“You can’t prove it. C’mon.” You give him slight pout. “Please?”

Bucky gives up shockingly fast, with only a flare of his nostrils and a tight nod. He stands, stuffs the book in his bag, and kneels down until he’s eye to eye with the Boy.

“Next time I see you, I’ll have your name, Buddy. She,” he points to you, never breaking eye contact with the cat. “Can’t come between us.”

“And you said you didn’t want a romance book.”

“Shut up, or I’ll ask Sam his name.”

You stick your tongue out at him as he rises to his feet. “Sam would never betray me like that-“

“He would if I promise to listen to his music instead of reading.”

Shit. Sam would do that, and you don’t know why Bucky’s entertaining this at all.

“I won’t, though.” Bucky shrugs, moving to the door. “I’m honorable.”

You giggle, and it’s light, and the day is still good. “Of course you are. What was I thinking-“

“Save it.” Bucky grins at you, and it’s almost glowing from his eyes. “Bye, Butterfly. See you tomorrow.”

You raise your hand, giving him a small wave before the door closes behind him. “See you tomorrow, James.”

He will.

But it won’t be as good.

And you want to cling to this for as long as you can.

It’s mostly the momentum. For the first time in a week, you find yourself on the bed with your Hydra papers—you’ve kept them hidden in the one place Miles will never look, your toiletries cabinet—shifting over all the codes as the Boy prances around the mattress.

You tell him what you’re working on. It’s a habit you build during the Blip, to keep yourself from going mad with loneliness.

Now it’s mostly just there to keep the long nights a little more at bay.

“I’ve gotten most of it,” you say, and the Boy stops to look at you. Like he’s actually listening. “You have to look past the Russian. All of the words are synonyms, in a pattern. Then once you get the pattern, it’s mostly all numbers. Twenty-seven, twelve, sixteen, nineteen, eighty-four, ninety, ninety-nine, a lot of zeroes. I don’t understand what those mean, though. I’ve only gotten one sentence, and it’s all weird biblical doomsday stuff. There’s like, a demon name, and another name that’s probably like, Russian.” You frown at the Boy, still watching you. “It would probably help if I spoke Russian.” You sigh. “So it goes.”

You’ve really almost gotten it.

You keep thinking of Bucky.

It’s distracting. The flashing images of his hands, metal and skin, on the wheel, and opening doors, and planted on the desk across from you. How he speaks with the tiniest accent that comes out in drawls, and how he says your name like it’s natural now, and how you want him to keep saying it. Keep being near you. Keep liking you, and looking at you, and seeing you. The feeling of his attention, tattooing over your skin and clawing its way up to the surface, because you want to feel that again.

You want to have something good that you don’t have to dance to earn and keep.

You want to see what Bucky looking at you, and only you, would feel like.

In the cafeteria, where he’s there not because it’s his job and he refuses to just take a day off. Where he’s there just for you. To talk to you, because he claims he likes it, and you have no proof that he’s lying. He even keeps up with you. Never misses a beat.

Fixing things because he wants to fix them for you. Because you could, somehow, be someone worth fixing things for, and Bucky seems good at it. He seems good at everything you’re not, and immovable where you think it wouldn’t be horrible to be kept.

Where the mist moves through your body, deeper and deeper, and you can see Bucky hanging around you at a game night, and letting you speak. Writing. Tell him what to do, then you doing it, before finding somewhere private that’s not just so you can whine.

A little so you can whine. He’d press you to a wall, and you’d be able to feel all of his controlled strength, as he held you, and he’d be looking at you.

Handsome and looking at you, and not moving away when his voice drops near your ear, and he’d say-

“I’m gonna take care of you.” Bucky drawls, hauling you a little further up his chest, until you’re straddling his thigh. “And it’ll feel good, sweet girl. Nothin’ gonna hurt you while I’m here, and I’m not going,” he guides your hips in a smooth roll over the corded muscle. “Fucking anywhere.”

You believe him. It’s all a little hazy, but you can see the blue of Bucky’s eyes and hear that command in his voice, and he’s not going anywhere. Here, in a misty and hazy world that’s all good, and you’re safe.

And Bucky’s touching you.

Everywhere.

Trailing hands on your thighs and over your stomach and gripping you by your waist, guiding you to keep grinding down onto his thigh until you’re gasping his name.

“Sounds so good,” He mutters your name in your ears, squeezing your hips three times. “Love it when I can hear you, keep making those pretty sounds for me-“

You make a loud one, as his fingers shove deep into your cunt. A gasping, high and needy one that makes Bucky groan, and your brow falls to his shoulder as he starts to pump.

It’s building. That lightheaded and dizzy sensation that makes you feel like you’re made of stars. And Bucky only feeds it, muttering more and more filth in your ear, the cold of the wall behind you nothing to the perfect warmth of his bare chest, pressed right to yours.

“Cum for me, babydoll.”

You sit up with sweat stuck to your brow, a strangled moan, and a heat in your core that snapping and sending small shivers through your body.

You’d fallen asleep. And the sheets have gathered around your legs. Between your thighs.

Bucky’s low voice is still in your ears.

You don’t know what just happened.

That’s going to be a problem.

End Note: Plot about it crash into us like a fucking freight train. Also i had a whole long paragraph about WHY they're falling for each other so fast, but I think if I'm doing my job even kind of okay, it'll be able to speak for itself. If not, i LOVE yapping, so feel free to ask or talk about it!

Thank you so much for reading!! If you like this story, please reblog, share, or leave a comment! <3

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juniorsailmakermattcruse · 2 days ago

Note

I’m glad you agree that Doof works better in Phineas and Ferb when he’s evil. I have thought it for so long, and I know a lot of others in the fandom think it’s regressive of him to go back to being evil but the show really does work better that way. Also, the times we’ve seen him not be evil are in the OWCA files and in Milo Murphy’s Law, and those definitely aren’t his best moments.

yeah that’s what I was thinking, it just doesn’t work in those instances at all. his character suffers a lot and he goes from being pretty much the most popular character in the fandom (or at least one of them) to being super polarizing. like I love him and all but he pisses me off in mml and owca files is a lot of the same. he just works better when he’s being evil and when it’s just him ranting at perry instead of just existing to bug other characters. I know people have said “oh but it’s because he’s audhd and has bad social skills” which I completely relate to but it’s still annoying to watch on tv y’know. especially because without him building shit he’s just reduced to being a fucking idiot and that bugs me because he deserves a bit more credit than that. I think he’s more competent than the writers seem to think he is but when he’s not shown doing anything… like anything at all (what exactly does he do in mml? sit on the couch and cry about missing perry?) he just kind of sucks and it sucks to watch. but that’s another topic I could rant about forever

anyway it’s the same thing with candace returning to busting, like this show has had 4 seasons of going back to the status quo every episode and changing the formula so drastically in season 5 just doesn’t make sense. sure in other tv shows having big character arcs and growth is good but this show is so much of the same stuff over and over that having such big character changes be permanent would feel weird. sure I would’ve loved having doof be a science teacher but that would work for a spinoff, not for the main show. and if the new seasons take place in summer that wouldn’t even work anyway because he wouldn’t be teaching then. so if not that then we’re left with him being in owca or being prof time and I don’t like either of those (especially prof time I really hate everything about that). so pretty much the only option is for him to go back to evil. it makes it a lot easier to come up with episode plots too I’m sure

I’m fine with the idea of him giving up evil in the future, like when season 6 eventually has a finale we’ll see what happens then. but in the meantime I feel like this just makes way more sense for the show. it also helps solve the plot holes of why he’s evil in the winter episodes which have been topics of conversation for over a decade

ALSO he has adhd and he’s very fickle. so that also makes sense for him to change his mind and go back into old habits

#phineas and ferb #anonymous

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nabi-unveiled · 1 day ago

Text

Catching Up: Love for Love's Sake (Ep 4)

Other Reacts: Ep 1 Ep 2 Ep 3

Yes, it's 3:15 in the morning. Yes, I have to work tomorrow. No, I can't even sleep in because I have to interview a potential intern at 9 am. Plus, the kids will be home with me too since it's a school holiday. I don't care. I'm starting episode 4 anyways.

And yay! We've went back to the fight. I was hoping we would find out more about what happened.

Is this a new way for them to do the subtitle for "debuff/curse". I guess that's fine so that people who don't understand gaming get it. It feels a little late in the game for that though. Still, I loved this screenshot, because you can see the transition that's a bit gamified. And the purple aura energy is showing up on Yeowoon's arm.

We didn't have any debuffs last episode so I guess the debuff really does relate to affection of Myungha and not Yeowoon's personal affection. Fine. I'll exit my clown car theory about the debuffs....for now. Outside of my clown car, it makes sense that the debuff would show up now since Myungha's affection level just plummeted.

Myungha absorbs the debuff. Yeowoon is left in shock. He definitely is feeling rejected/slighted at this point.

Myungha is dragging Sangwon through the halls. Sangwon says "I'm not a kid." I'd be careful Sangwon. That line of thinking means he can hit you. I know Myungha knows how to fight, but I do wonder more and more every episode about "why" he fought. I'm already developing a lot of head canons on that score. Maybe we'll find out eventually though.

He's not going to hit him (not that I thought he ACTUALLY would anyways), because we now have a ringing sound. I'm guessing the debuff is having an effect. He absorbed all the bad purple energy, and it was STRONG this time base on his -99. Was the -99 in red last episode? If not, it should've been. Sorry, random thought.

Myungha falls down the stairs.

I've given up on the episode names being strictly related to missions. The gamer in me though is going to retranslate this as "progress". That feels better in gamification terms. Especially if it's talking about progress in the mission quest. I obviously have no clue whether that is right. Wait. Unless they're talking about aspects of the game being "in development" like new code/levels being written or the story being redeveloped/changed. Hmm. That actually feels likely. We'll stick with development.

KYUNGHOON! You're back. I missed you so much. I'm guessing they're having to skip class to go to the competition. Apparently, Myungha has hurt his leg. Kyunghoon struggles to get over the wall. Based on how Myungha hopped the wall, I'm guessing it's the right leg that's hurt. But Myungha's leg obviously wasn't THAT badly hurt. It didn't look like he tried to favor one leg more in the landing. Guess that could depend on the type of injury though. My perspective is probably skewed. I've dislocated kneecaps more times than I wish to recount. I definitely wouldn't have made it over the wall shortly after one of those times. My personality is such though that I'd have doubled down and probably hurt myself more while trying. Lol.

Sangwon is waiting on the other side of the wall. I loved his "hi". Kyunghoon asks if he was waiting. Myungha says it's a "disease". It works, but I wonder if there is a different translation of that word. They've used it several times. It was also used in a very similar way during Secret Relationships ("being nosy is a disease").

Sangwon says he was just late to school. It's coincidence that they met up. I love that he's somewhat "talking back" to Myungha. But I also have a very sarcastic/roast style sense of humor. These types of exchanges always make my day. I wish I had more of that energy in my life.

Kyunghoon asks about the shoes, and Sangwon realizes that he had made a mistake. I didn't mention it last episode as the post was already getting really long. But my guess is that Sangwon was upset about the shoes, because he thought that his mom gave them to Yeowoon. His mom had just been to the school after all, and it appears like they have a complicated relationship. I'm guessing there's a lack of affection there too based on Sangwon's reactions to Myungha's signs of care. This is all conjecture on my part. The show isn't really SAYING any of this at the moment.

But now he knows the shoes weren't from his mom. It's okay Sangwon. I made several bad calls in the last episode too. Sangwon decides to follow.

And just like that, we have a gaming party embarking on a quest.

Our trio notices that Yeowoon is standing instead of taking his place on the blocks. Is he wearing the blue shoes? It looks like it. Myungha is still outside of the love supremacy zone, but he yells Yeowoon's name. I'm taking note that his number is 251 just in case it pops back up at some point. I loved the sound effect as the camera circled around and Yeowoon realized his name was being called.

Yeowoon is recalculating his affection, and the number starts moving up fast. Lol. This feels very much like love indeed. Highs and lows and emotional turbulence. Some might say that's the fickle nature of teenage affection. I'd say that doesn't ever really change. But maybe that's just the nature of my personal relationship talking. Maybe it'd help if we had affection scores above our head so we'd both know when we screwed up. On second thought, I don't think I'd want to know my score. That feels like a recipe for disaster.

Yeowoon takes his place at the blocks with magic sparkles coming off of his blue shoes. The affection level keeps rising.

If this wasn't a "game", the new shoes would be disastrous in a competition. But as I've thought about it, I actually like that this feels like an equipment upgrade in a game. Higher tier equipment immediately leads to better outcomes in a game assuming you have the skills to use it.

The music reminds me of late 90s/early 2000s movies. I kind of love it since we're panning across Sangwon and Kyunghoon's faces, and it feels like a friend montage moment out of one of those types of "high school" movies. Ah nostalgia.

Affection level is back at 0. The subtitles say Yeowoon is second, but I'm guessing he's actually third. They announced two other names before him.

Yep, he's third place based on the next part of the dialogue. Myungha says he did well. Yeowoon is crying, but Myungha definitely doesn't understand the reason. Yeowoon is trying to figure out why Myungha is nice to him.

Poor boy is definitely dealing with romantic feelings now. I'm loving the romance driven emotional angst of it all. This is my cup of tea.

The coach interrupts. Yeowoon is still emotional, but Myungha says he'll wait. They can eat together afterwards. Yes, please do. I'm always going to be down for a shared meal.

Yay! Our whole crew is EATING together! And Yeowoon is smiling.

Yeowoon tells Myungha to eat too and gives him food. OMG - our affection level has crossed the zero threshold. We're now at 5. And it keeps climbing as he keeps giving Myungha food. Lol. Kyunghoon tells Myungha to eat slowly and Sangwon's face is priceless! He seems absolutely disgusted by Yeowoon's actions. We end on an affection level of 17 for now.

Sangwon and Yeowoon are bickering. I love it. so. much. Frenemy relationships are the best. I'm looking forward to seeing how this develops moving forward.

For those that like talks about linguistics, they said a bit about honorifics too. If I followed it correctly, Sangwon used more casual speech with Myungha and Yeowoon didn't like it. I could be mistaken though. Myungha really is the exasperated parent here. Lol. Cutie Kyunghoon helps Myungha out. He is worried that Yeowoon's feet might hurt since he ran with new shoes.

Yeowoon says he's fine, but he asks what happened to Myungha's leg.

🤣 This pout had me dying. For the game aspect, it really is like now that his "affection level" has went up, it's unlocked all kinds of new dialogue/expression options.

I wonder if Myungha realizes that his leg getting hurt was due to the purple energy. He's a smart cookie. I bet he's figured that out.

This whole scene just put me in a good mood.

Yeowoon offers to help "hold" Myungha. I'm betting there's a better translation of that. Kyunghoon used the term earlier too. I bet it has to do with letting Myungha lean on him or something like that rather than "hold" as I typically interpret. Myungha says he fine.

Yeowoon wants Myungha to rely on him too. This is a tricky situation. Yeowoon wants them to be EQUALS, but Myungha is definitely going to struggle with that. Myungha has taken on a caretaker role, and while those things aren't mutually exclusive, it can make things complex.

Yeowoon asks how Myungha knows his (shoe) size. Myungha says he let the fan (sis) pick it out, and that she wants to meet Yeowoon. Yeowoon doesn't seem happy about Myungha hanging out with her often, but he agrees to meet up with Si-a.

Yeowoon has essentially walked Myungha home. He tells him thank you which Myungha teases him about. But he says it again and leaves.

The entry light starts flickering and there are some jarring sounds. Ominous music plays, and Myungha's head is hurting.

OOOOOOH. It WAS development like "game in development". Exciting.

We're back at the bar from episode 1. Senior is asking Myungha questions.

I first noticed the three butterflies in the corner of the paper. It shouldn't be a surprise given my blog name that I'm likely to notice butterflies. They're a symbol of transformation and personal growth. Actually, they have different stages of development just like a game. A butterfly's development requires they insulate themselves from the world and focus on changing themselves before they can emerge in their final form. I don't know whether that has anything to do with this show or not though.

But these questions are interesting. Yes, I used my phone to translate. Though it kept giving slightly different translations depending on the angle I held it, I think I got the gist of it. One of the things says "like minded friends" which was what the quest said in episode 2. If I remember correctly, that was in Myungha's hand writing. So is senior having Myung-ha essentially write the game levels? I had said in an earlier episode that this was really a quest for Myungha's own happiness as well.

It WAS his writing. I love this shot. It feels like a magic dungeon with the candles and lighting. The shape of the glass is nice. I think it's a glencairn whiskey glass. Actually no. The base is wrong. It doesn't matter. The glass itself is probably not symbolic. I just find certain types of glassware pretty. As a fun side note, I used to drink everything (soda, milk, etc.) out of a red wine glass that I got while dumpster diving in college. I loved that beautiful glass. My roommate eventually broke it "on accident", but said it was "probably for the best" so that people didn't think I was drinking alcohol. Fun times 🙄.

It's late/early. I'm rambling. *Focus brain*

Senior is in white as the "heavenly" being with the power. Am I supposed to trust him? I don't. But it feels like he's God/angel coded.

"Will there be happiness to 29 year old Tae Myungha?"

"So the standard is very important." says Senior.

Myungha doesn't hear him clearly, and we can't hear his next line clearly either. He's muffled as if he's under water. It's the same sound as when he first entered the game world.

This feels important, and it feels mistranslated. Or at least like it was translated without the needed nuance. I need to pause anyways. I'm tired enough that I know I'll miss details if I keep going tonight.

(pause)

Ok. I've slept a few hours and hung out with the kids for a bit. I've mulled it over. I'm guessing that senior is really meaning that Myungha needs to be very careful about what goals/words he's using. Happy is a pretty vague term. I actually walked down the aisle to a song called "Different Kinds of Happy" from the movie Sweet Land. The idea/theme in that movie is that happiness can take different forms and mean different things to different people. In a game, if you don't have a clearly defined objective, then it's going to be difficult to meet it. So what does Myungha actually mean by "happy"?

But Myungha "can't hear" what senior is telling him. Myungha, and us by extension, are missing a critical piece of information. I'm guessing it has to do with the standard/clearer objective or that it's a warning of some kind.

We're back in the video game world. Myungha is looking at his notes.

AND OMG - YES! HOORAY! A time jump/alternate world that GETS how problematic it is for a 29 year old to be suddenly back in high school. The dialogue is clearly establishing that he IS 19 in this world. It's how I had resolved it mentally myself in episode 2. I love it when my head canons become actual canon.

Anyways, it's a good question. What CAN he do? Because "making someone happy" on a identity level scale really isn't easy. I would argue that it's not actually possible. That they have to strive for their own happiness as they accept themselves. It's not just circumstances that's driving Yeowoon's mental disdain for himself. New shoes are great, but they're not a long term solution. When you're dealing with suicidal ideation the other person has to "want" to live. A lot of times they don't even realize it until the moment. Yeah, it wasn't my grandfather's first attempt before he succeeded. My brother's neither. So far my brother has always decided he wanted to live and sought help in time.

I love that Myungha is being smart about this. He goes "What does he WANT me to do?" If you're playing a game, that's an important question. It's anticipating the game maker's design. I am noticing that the butterfly is on the journal paper here. But it's only one this time, and it's in the top right corner instead of the bottom corner.

Now THAT'S interesting. He doesn't remember "senior". There are a lot of fun implications in this development, but I'll have to stop for now. It looks like my husband has got off of work early today. It's a national holiday. I should've expected it. This will have to wait until after everyone is asleep tonight. I didn't get very far in this session, but it's fine. I really should've been working/writing anyways. I have five scripts due in the next two weeks.

(pause)

Well...the emoji tag game happened, and I got a wee bit carried away with it. I loved it so much. But then my brain was broke so it's taken a few days to get back here.

The fact that Myungha doesn't remember "senior" from his real life is a cool detail. I had said I thought it was in odd in episode 1 that he wasn't weirded out by the situation. It could mean that ONLY senior is obscured. Or it could mean that the facts of his "future" will slowly disappear as he creates a new story leaving him only with the 19 year old version of Myungha. There are a few other possibilities too, but I'll go with those two for now. I actually like the latter one in some ways. I don't remember if he recalled senior once he entered the video game during episode 1. That would provide evidence for which possible interpretations to keep moving forward. I might have to go back and check that out.

Regardless, we know this memory was jarring. The question is what triggered the memory.

We're down to 288 days left to complete our mission so a good bit of time has passed, and we're reminded that death is the penalty. We still don't know whose death we're talking about though.

We cut to Kyunghoon and Myungha walking down the hall together. Myungha is complaining that the teacher treats him like a thug. Kyunghoon proposes that they go to college together, drink together and have fun together in the future. I love the video game sound effects in the music/soundtrack.

OH! Random thought. I wonder if those sound effects show up at critical/specific moments. Is this like the rain drops in When It Rains or just a fun part of the soundtrack? Sound analysis is tricky for me, but it can add a lot to a show. And I LOVE it when sound is used symbolically. That would require an entire rewatch though as I'd have to focus just on the sound. I'll try to make note of it moving forward though to see if I can find a pattern. I can't promise I'll catch it every time though.

Hold up. We HAVE had a sound. The freaking water. I said before that it sounded like water when Myungha is shifting between worlds. That's definitely a specific sound at critical moments. Is that significant? Is it even water? Stop brain. You know your hearing can't be trusted. Move on.

Myungha is obviously uncomfortable here. Probably because he knows that he doesn't have that kind of time. He was just reminded of the countdown. It could also be because he didn't have that kind of life in the past. I don't know if he has those resources in the current videogame timeline either. Money isn't an obstacle for Kyunghoon. But it will be for Myungha and Yeowoon. But I figure it's that he feels like he's lying to Kyunghoon by agreeing to a future that may not exist. Yeowoon has already called him a liar after all.

Ah, the bullies are circling for blood. Frizzy blond guy asks Myungha if he's gay and is obviously intimidating Kyunghoon. Myungha says "I'm gay. So what." That's the confidence of someone who is very comfortable with themselves. I wonder if he was always that way, or if this is a manifestation of him already working through that part of his identity in the "real world".

Cutie Kyunghoon steps in between to protect Myungha 🙌🙌🙌. This is VERY important. Why? Because it's a dynamic shift. Myungha is collecting people in his life that care about him too and who will stand up for him even if it's risky. He's gathering "like minded friends" as well.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Myungha kisses the bully.

Should I be laughing? Probably not. This is a forced kiss. But AM I laughing? 100% yes. And all of the bully gang not knowing how to respond is epic.

Blond guy is rightfully angry, and Myungha just scolds him for swearing. What I love about this interaction is that it quickly and decidedly shifted who was the "victim" in this interaction.

Blond guy - Tak ...Joonho? It'll eventually stick with me. Anyways, he punches Myungha and we see Myungha deftly assert his dominance. He threatens to kiss him again.

This is the second interaction where Myungha has really shown this guy to be pretty pathetic. As he seems to be a leader in this "gang", he's probably not going to react to this well. He wouldn't be able to keep power over his bully gang if he ignored things like this. I'd expect backlash soon. He'll either take it out on his own members or start targeting people Myungha cares about (Yeowoon, Kyunghoon). Potentially both. If he comes after Myungha himself, it will be sneaky style. He can't (or shouldn't) risk another direct confrontation like this one. He's already lost twice.

Teacher intervenes. Apparently Myungha has got some type of cleaning duty punishment.

Yeowoon is on the other side of the window being cleaned. I'm trying to figure out if Yeowoon had heard about the fight or he just noticed Myungha's busted lip. Either way, his expressions here are KILLING me. They are so earnest and so different than what we had in previous episodes. The rise in affection level has definitely had an impact.

Myungha tries to brush it off, but Yeowoon won't let him. "Who hit you?" Myungha tells him he doesn't need to know.

Yeowoon gets very serious. Just like that earlier interaction with Kyunghoon, this is actually very important. Yeowoon is asking to be seen as an equal. As someone that Myungha can rely on. He's asking Myungha to trust him. Ooh interesting. Yeowoon dropped honorifics.

Yeowoon drags Myungha to the nurse's office. It's a reverse of care. Yeowoon taking care of Myungha. I mean, technically Yeowoon had intervened before. However, this is DIRECT care. Yeowoon asks if he's really not going to tell him. Myungha responds "What would you do if you knew?". Yeowoon - "I'll kill him". 🥹 Yes, I'm taking the threat as a squee worthy moment. There was no hesitation. Just a direct assertion of "you matter to me that much".

Myungha rubs his head.

I'm going to have to think about this one. Why is this man's physical affection so hard for me to interpret? This feels like a parent/child interaction to me. Which...is possible. Is he in guardian mode? Trying to calm Yeowoon down while acknowledging that he's grateful for Yeowoon caring about him? Or do other people see this as just a friendly interaction? Because things would not end well if my friend rubbed my head and used that tone with me. I'd see it as condescending for sure. But cultural differences could be in play here. I'm going with guardian mode.

Myungha says that rather than hit, it's more like we kissed. And Yeowoon's reaction is amazing.

Myungha is flustered by Yeowoon's reaction. Yeowoon has to be cycling through all kinds of feelings. One - this gives him hope. Two - Myungha was kissing someone besides him.

So many thoughts running through this boy's mind.

He says he should ask Tak Joonho. That means he DOES know who was involved, but he wanted Myungha to confide in him on his own. "Can men kiss too?" "I want to kiss him" while staring at Myungha's lips and putting on the ointment. Baby boy is down bad.

We cut to Sangwon coming towards the bully gang. There's the "hi" again. Love it. But it does feel like he's out of the loop. It feels more like he's invading their space. @dropthedemiurge I see what you meant now. He's not part of the hierarchy of this group. The uniforms vs. plain shirt is visually depicting that as well. That does make me have some questions about the earlier rooftop scene, but I'll hold them for now.

Did he come because he had heard about the fight? Or is this just part of his routine? He does seem to do whatever he wants. Case in point - he didn't come to class just because he didn't want to. Skipping seems to be a regular occurrence for him.

Tak Joonho says that he's going to teach Myungha/Kyunghoon a lesson. Sangwon is trying to put the pieces together. I do find it odd that Joonho is openly admitting that Myungha kissed him. I would've expected him to threaten the others and keep that quiet. Unless he's expecting Sangwon to commiserate with him and understand.

Not happening though. Sangwon is clearly on Myungha's side in this one. I figure he knows Tak Joonho enough to know he instigated whatever happened. The chuckling of the other students as Sangwon pushes back has got to raise Joonho's ire.

Tak Joonho thinks Sangwon is teasing him, but he's actually angry.

I'm rewording this line a little bit in my head to fit better with that sassy head tilt that just made me so happy. In some ways, it's a lot like Myungha earlier. "Yes. I am. What are you going to do about it?" It's a statement and a challenge.

Unlike Myungha, Sangwon does punch Joonho and IMMEDIATELY puts his hands back in his pockets. LMAO. That's a dominance signal right there. He knows Joonho isn't going to immediately punch back. He doesn't see him as a threat.

Joonho says he's holding back because he's rich. Sure you are. Keep telling yourself that. Kyunghoon seems to be pretty rich too, and you tease him just fine.

Note - I do realize that they've said that Sangwon can get away with everything due to his family. I'm sure it does play some role. But it's not everything. Sangwon is exuding dominance in this situation. He's even leaning in a mock little bow and saying "thank you" in a snarky tone. God, I love him and his self-confidence. He has grown on me so much, and I'm only halfway through this show.

Joonho asks if he can't see that he's outnumbered.

Sangwon (in other words): Bring it.

I'm sorry. I've tried to ignore that hideous wall color this entire show, but now we've added what has to be one of the ugliest arrangements known to mankind in front of it. I'm sure there are people who like that kind of thing, but it just makes me wonder why someone thought a feather duster was appealing. Normally I would be trying to figure out if the red meant something, but I just can't. It's an eyesore.

Is Si-a considered part of our gaming party now. I'm not sure. 🤔 They're collectively worrying about Sangwon though.

Si-a asks if Myungha wants to be a model for Swoony (the brand). The pay is better after all. Pay is always an enticing thing.

Myungha tells Si-a to buy him dinner. I'm confused. Why does he want Si-a to buy him dinner? 🤔 Myungha doesn't do things without a purpose. What's the catch?

LMAO. It's because Yeowoon is here. He's giving her the fangirl moment. Yes, she better buy the meal. A good one too.

Wait. Her name has an "h" sound? The subtitles now say "Shi-a". Did I miss that before? No. I'm pretty sure that's a change in subtitles.

Yeowoon looks ticked. My guess is that he thought he was going to get to eat with Myungha alone. He wouldn't be reacting like this if he had known it'd be a fangirl moment. Yeowoon is being very terse. Yes, he seems to be a more introverted, private person. But this is what you do when you're thrown for a loop. Myungha, you really need to give us introverts a heads up for these types of situations. Especially true if you gave us false expectations and now expect us to socialize with someone we are not comfortable around.

I'm still bitter over there being no food at the company meal that I drove two hours to yesterday. Don't promise me food and then give me a non-alcoholic beer instead. Shared meals are sacred. Oh...it's probably this kind of stuff that prompted the anon's "what's with you and food" question the other day. I get it now. Sorry anon. I didn't understand what you were asking.

I'm squirreling. None of that's really relevant. Yeowoon is just upset because he expected alone time with Myungha (pretty sure on that one), and he isn't getting it.

This conversation is awkward. Si-a signals Myungha to please help. Myungha asks Yeowoon if he has any questions. "Are you two close?" I've said all along that I love how direct Yeowoon is with Myungha. If he has questions, he is going to ask them. It's admirable, but lol. He's not looking at Si-a at all. Yeowoon is grilling Myungha.

Myungha responds playfully and tries to direct the conversation back to Si-a. I actually see that as a way of trying to include her in the conversation. He was trying to create a fan moment for her after all. Si-a says they're just colleagues which Yeowoon smiles about. But then Myungha protests that designation.

Yeowoon didn't like that at all. 🤣 "Are you closer to her than you are to me?" I love that Si-a can see this is important to Yeowoon. She's giving Myungha this look that's like "You idiot. Don't you dare make my blorbo upset!"

Myungha says "I only have Yeowoon in my heart" which makes Yeowoon beam. Si-a takes the opportunity to ask for an autograph. Si-a, I know I struggled with you in earlier episodes. I'm sorry. I can respect your non-toxic, supportive fangirl side.

"What do you think of when you run?" "I imagine there's a big crocodile chasing me." Well...that would be motivation I guess. I never imagined what was behind me when I ran. I was always focused on the finish line. Different things for different people I guess.

Ok Yeowoon. Let's not manifest that energy. There are too many trucks of doom in dramaland. And I've had two of my family members hit by vehicles. They survived, but they still have side effects. My brother got hit by a car while he was INSIDE a building.

Anyways, Yeowoon is saying that the vision has changed. He now imagines that someone is waiting for him at the finish line.

Sweet. I wish I knew what his personal affection was at this point though. We're seeing the impact of Myungha's affection level changing in his mannerisms and dialogue, but has it impacted how he sees himself?

Si-a says that's romantic, and Myungha breaks eye contact and visibly shifts. Lol. He felt that one.

We cut to them walking home. Yeowoon tries to ask Myungha about Joonho again, but Myungha says that Yeowoon isn't allowed to say kiss.

We got confirmation that Yeowoon thought it was going to be the two of them. Myungha chastises him a bit saying he needs friends. That's really not the point Myungha.

Yeowoon said that he's annoyed. Myungha says "he's been rude lately". Did he drop honorifics?

Yeowoon says "I want to go play with you". My kinky brain takes that line a completely different way that intended. But he's asking him out really. I LOVE this frame. There's a blinding light of love, but it's mostly over Yeowoon. Yeowoon knows he wants to kiss Myungha. He knows he wants to spend time with Myungha 1-1. Myungha still hasn't come to that realization yet.

It's an amusement park near the sea. Myungha seems hesitant, but he says yes. Wasn't Myungha's mom near the sea? I wonder if that's part of his hesitation. Yeah, there's definitely something there. This means something more to Myungha for some reason. But he's agreeing anyway.

Well hello. 👀 She's pretty. She was hidden initially in the frame, but they've now exposed her as she's asking Si-a for help. Who is she? Is this the person returned from abroad that Kyunghoon mentioned?

We're now in a dream sequence. 100%. "Do it with me too. The kiss."

Based on the game interface, this is Myungha's dream. Fun. Realization is coming. It's a bit of a kabedon moment with the tree. I'm enjoying it, because as confident as Myungha was when he kissed Joonho, he's not confident at all here. He's flustered.

Myungha wakes up.

Yeowoon has been sending him messages. Apparently he woke up early. If you get messages from me at 4 am, it means I haven't went to bed yet. Not unusual.

Myungha has a message from an unknown number. It's referencing children's day, mother's day, and teacher's day. Myungha isn't sure who it's from though. My immediate guess is his mom. But that doesn't make sense. He hasn't had contact with his mom since he was really little.

Is it the heavenly senior? We know information about the game comes to Myungha through his phone. "But no time for me to meet you." It's reminding me of the poem I wrote for my grandfather following his suicide. It wasn't about holidays/time, but about hiking trails. That was our thing. "But no trail that brings me to you." Crap. I'm crying again. This has been a week of tears in BL land. For the record, I cry very little in real life. But I bawl like a baby watching shows. It's cathartic in some ways. I can't analyze this properly. I'm going to read things into this that aren't there. I'm sure this will become a reoccurring event. I'll wait until the next message to figure it out.

Yeowoon came to pick Myungha up, and it looks like he paid for the bus fare for both of them. Cutie. Myungha may not realize it, but Yeowoon is definitely taking him on a date.

The mural next to the bus is of the sea. I could get a better angle this time. Phone keeps translating different based on angle, but it's better than last time. Something about sacred and beautiful love. Something about a lighthouse.

I love that Yeowoon quickly says "Look at the seagulls". There were birds on the mural too. Seagulls are a trip down memory lane for me. I got handed a bone during my oral qualification exams and asked what I could tell the professors about it. It was a seagull bone.

Seagulls have so many different symbolic meanings depending on culture. I know there are a few different takes in literature. There are also a lot of different meanings for them in Native American lore. Some positive, some negative. It depends on the tribe. A lot of it has to do with their ability to navigate in a storm and overcome obstacles if I remember correctly. There might have been something about the connection between physical and spiritual realms which would be interesting given the premise of this show. Like a bridge or messenger between the two. I don't know what they typically means in S. Korea though. I'll dive into that later.

Yeowoon says he should've brought shrimp chips. They're not my favorite, but my sous chef loves shrimp chips.

Oh. We're feeding them to the seagulls? I mean, they'll eat it. It's a fun experience for the human. It probably doesn't give them the nutrients they need.

Myungha asks if Yeowoon likes the sea. Yeowoon says he likes the mountains more. I love them both, but I live closer to the mountains. I've asked my kids this question before. One chose sea. One chose mountains. One chose "Wherever Uncle Zach is". Yeah, I'm not the only one who thinks my brother is awesome.

They're planning to climb mountains. Yeowoon wants to climb "Kongryung". Based on Myungha's reaction, that must be a hard climb. Based on Yeowoon's reaction, I'm guessing it's a long one. "I'm happy to be with you." Myungha doesn't seem sure how to process that.

Yeowoon asks if Myungha has been here before.

This feels like a lie. It's going to be interesting if lying becomes a thing for Myungha. Well-intentioned lies. But lies nonetheless. It might not be a lie though. That's just my gut talking.

They're planning on going to a clam kal-guksu place. I enjoy noodle soups, but I've never had clams in any capacity. They're not very common here. I have dissected one and done an experiment on heart rate for a class though. Not important.

Apparently, Yeowoon doesn't like seafood. And Myungha slips up. He's using information from the manuscript. Yeowoon is rightfully perplexed and then amused that Myungha knows this about him.

"Sometimes it feels like you're someone that knows me."

Yeah, that's probably going to hurt when he realizes Myungha has known about him all along.

All of Yeowoon's little smiles are killing me this episode.

Yeowoon says he now understands why Myungha likes the sea. Did Myungha say he liked the sea? I don't remember that. 🤔 It could be in an earlier episode, or I could have overlooked it. If he likes the sea though - is that why we have a water sound? Yes, I'm still stuck there. My brain is still obsessing over a sound that probably isn't even what I think it is. I curse my brain sometimes.

Yeowoon says "I've come to like it too". Cut away to them sitting on the stairs in their coordinating blue/green shirts.

There is so much I could say about that closing frame, but I know that I'm out of images. Anyways, we're halfway up the stairs. We're building the relationship. We're sitting side by side. We're equal...in this moment at least. There's no railings on this part. It'd be easy to fall off the sides.

The blue/green combo I find interesting, because it's a shift. These two characters have worn a lot of black & white. What does the shift mean? Is it part of their relationship developing or the changing levels of affection?

Is this show even color coded? I'll have to think about that. Because Sangwon also wears a white undershirt. He's definitely not a "heavenly human" type. Wait...is Myungha the ONLY one wearing a different color undershirt as part of their uniform? Is he the only one in black? I guess that makes senses. He's from a "different" world after all. But why black? Actually, Yeowoon's running outfit was in black too when he had the -100 value. So Myungha isn't the only one in black. Nevermind. I was overthinking again.

This was a fun episode. I'm loving that Yeowoon is so open and direct with his feelings. Myungha isn't there yet, but he's beginning to react. Now I just need to convince my brain that it's 4 am and it needs to just let the water sound go. IS IT WATER?!?

Don't tell me. Because if it is water, that means it's important. And if it's not water, I'll eventually realize it wasn't important.

For now, I'll just distract my brain with a more pressing question - what happened to Sangwon?

#love for love's sake #live reaction #korean bl

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