#sorry again samsa for the massive reblog haha (though i know you probably dont mind)

[of-the-eclipse]

Yknow what, I'm actually coming back to this because it's been on my mind since I reblogged it yesterday. (Apologies to advance to you oomf for the upcoming rant/discussion)

I have always been hesitant to try and find "deeper meaning" in the ENA series, and in ENA as a character, because of how silly and weird it is most of the time (surreal for the sake of being surreal). Whenever I have thought of interpretations like this, like "both ENAs are probably autistic" or "the ENAs are just straight up experiencing racism/discrimination", I have felt kind of silly for it; I'm making something out of nothing.

But seeing this particular interpretation after others like it really does make me think, or at least hope, that there is an intention of grander symbolism.

Looking at it through this view (ena is trans, autistic, an immigrant) really makes me view the series in a different way, a way I have subconsciously always wanted to but felt silly for doing so. It makes me see a lot of characters and their interactions with ENA differently, especially Moony and Froggy as the deutertagonists to each Ena.

In my pondering on them, I have kind of come to interpret Froggy as one of those friends with good intentions, but comes across as ableist anyway. This is mostly in the beginning when he mentions several times how Ena "talks funny", and when explaining what her job is tries to phrase it "in way she can understand". Again, good intentions and trying to help, but it comes off as kind of demeaning. Moony is in a similar boat, though she is more directly rude. Its pretty clear to me that she still LIKES Ena, that's her friend! But she often makes Ena's emotional state worse or gets too impatient with her.

Also. The Enas being trans. Oh my god it makes so much sense and I feel a lot better about having it as a headcanon for both of them. I've always noticed how both Enas have their masculine voice as the more "tolerable"/positive side of her, but never thought of it as much beyond a coincidence. But it being tied to *expected gender roles* really just is an interpretation that blows my mind with how obvious it feels now. It really touches me in a way i can't explain, like "maybe I'm not crazy for drawing these parallels to myself (as both a trans and autistic experience)".

I can't think of much more to ramble on without getting nonsensical, maybe I'll reblog a continuation later, but I guess I just want to thank you?? For this interpretation?? I didn't even touch on the last sentence because I'm not sure if I'm reading it the way you intended. But it really did kind of touch me and has changed my view on ENA.

To sum it up: "wow, so i WASN'T weird for relating to Ena's experience in a trans autistic way (and for reading her treatment from others as racism)".

EDIT: I just realized I forgot to mention ANYTHING about the Purge Event... that entire section of the game has so much to it and makes me incredibly sad for ENA. The one npc here that especially discomforts me is that one guy on the ceiling i didn't know you could talk to, who says: "Come on; give me a smile. / You're bringing me down. / You're bringing us down." And Ena's entire thing she had going on during the party... i just don't know how to tie it back to the above themes. I'll ponder on this.

ENA (both iterations , but especially DBBQ) is very blatant surrealist representations of the absurd reality of being: some sort of autistic, transgender, immigrant , your existence is like some sort of implicated manifestation of your larger race, you are An Ena, you have different facets from yourself , the palatable ego and the less pleasant alter, both representations of the expected gender but also volatile and fragile stability of your mind under pressure to Perform, the servicial Ena, the demanding Ena, you struggle within your own individualism but the dualism is simply a Part of you you cant tear off without the risk of completely losing that body