#anyway. insanity taking over | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

twelverriver · 2 years ago

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ethan hunt & buffy summers: my girlfriend is a murderer so what that doesn't make her a bad person!!

#djfjgjg #i know this is. a very niche post.#idc #buffy in most of s3 and in 4x15 is like okay but what if faith's sorry or hurt!!! what if she needs someone!!!! i cant just leave her alone #ethan legit said THAT DOESNT MAKE HER A BAD PERSON #anyway. insanity taking over #jana.txt #mission impossible #btvs

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inkskinned · 5 days ago

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i'm still trying to piece together the truth of it. when you left, you said: feel free to spin this narrative however you want. i have no idea if you were being cruel or if you just genuinely don't remember what you've done to me.

it's hard because i'd done so much of the work for you. i had seen the parts that flaked off, the rust underneath. i started separating you into two people - the one i loved, and the one who hurt me. i had this fantasy version of you - my partner - and then i had this stranger, a third person who would show up randomly to shatter me. i am deliriously glad i'm no longer with "the stranger". i miss the gentle (unreal?) "other" you terribly.

at first, i was so strict about my boundaries. i remember telling you to get the fuck out of my house if you were going to talk to me like that. by the end: i would justify your behavior for you, accepting even your mistreatment as "my fault" in the grand scheme. i look back on the person i was before you - smart, independent, confident - and i feel a strange sense of detachment. i don't even recognize me.

even in one of our last conversations, you said: if you want a partner that always talks warmly to you, find someone else. there was a time that a comment like that would have made me leave. and instead, somehow, i just placidly accepted that kind of thing. you were literally telling me that i wasn't allowed to have a reaction to your cruelty - and i just took it, because you'd so fully turned things around on me.

when people are faced with irrationality, a rational brain tries to make sense of it. this is the trap. they're lovely in the morning, gentle and blue-eyed and sweet. like nothing even happened, they breeze around the house and kiss you on the mouth. but at night; who is that? they snap almost randomly; flying into an impotent rage about just-about-anything. it just doesn't make sense. so the problem must be me, and my brain, and how i think.

the traumatized brain just wants peace. so maybe i'm misremembering. maybe you were just having a bad day. maybe it's actually me.

you eventually would fully turn on me and start implying that i am the bad actor in our relationship. that's what happens, right? that's literally in the playbook. you went to therapy for all of a month, told her a half-truth, co-opted therapyspeak. you figured out how to reframe your actions as "seeking peace." any time i stood my ground, i was "gaslighting." when i asked you to be more gentle, you said i was "tone policing." you said, randomly, i had emotionally manipulated you - i still have no idea what that's even specifically referring to. maybe my consistent requests for calmness and empathy?

and while i literally know better, and i'm sitting here, trained by you, thinking: wait, fuck. was i actually the person you made me out to be?

and the thing that scares me is that i literally do not know if you ever actually saw what you were doing to me. when you'd tell me how you remember arguments, you'd always summarize them in a way where you come off as gentle and easy: "i was trying to set an important boundary." what had actually happened was 15 minutes of you shouting at me i know you did something shady, just admit it already. eventually you'd say my reaction to your shouting (when i finally reacted, which usually happened around hour three) was inevitably "disappointing" and "another way i'm silencing your feelings."

how many times did i ask you - beg you - to just take accountability? looking back, i don't think i ever heard you say: you're right. the way i talked to you was wrong of me.

i am trying to tie together the two people into a full version of you in my head. yes, you made my coffee and made me laugh and spent hours on the phone with me. and yes - you would scream at me until i had to run away and hide behind something.

i wish i did have a narrative i could pull out and shape to my whim. i wish i did have some semblance of reality. instead i just stand here, strange and vibrating, wondering: what the fuck just happened?

#spilled ink #warm up #tbh more of a diary than a poem #i need to write this stuff down bc my ptsd likes to forget trauma pretty much WHILE it's happening #and any time i find myself making it ''my fault'' again i have to walk myself through the grounding steps #it's so hard to describe emotional abuse. bc it's so fucking easy to get sucked into #like. you're an empathetic person. so when ur partner comes to you after a nasty fight and is like #“i really was trying to get my feelings heard and you didn't hear me last night” you're like - okay you know what #i'll do the right thing. this is my fault. let me take accountability and try to empathize and talk things out.#with the assumption that later - it'll be ''your turn'' right. you'll be able to bring up the screaming and talk about how #you BOTH need to make a safe space for each other. that you can't listen if your partner is literally shouting at you.#since YOU reflect and grow and try to be a better partner. you assume SHE will be doing the same thing.#but it is never your turn. she will never bring up the screaming. you cannot tell if she LEGIT just doesn't feel culpable.#and when u bring it up. she says ''so i deserved you talking to me badly? <- this doesn't go well.#she says you're blaming her. she doesn't understand that arguments are ''two sides and the truth''. it's that 1 person is right and 1 isn't #so u try to talk it out. get both perspectives heard. but over time it just becomes easier to let her get her rant out and shut up about u #until one day you wake up and despite months of treating you terribly - and admitting it 3 weeks ago!!! - she's now saying...#you were always terrible . you were always the issue. she never got her feelings heard.#meanwhile you remember literally MONTHS of supporting her and listening to her and silencing yourself.#and bc she TRAINED you to accept fault ... you just say sorry. you feel insane. you feel incredibly unhinged.#meanwhile. i fully am the kind of person that will reflect. come back after a fight. apologize before you ask. say things like #“i see your side now and i was wrong about this/that/the other thing.” ...... this is EMOTIONAL MATURITY.#she literally started calling it ''mindgames'' and ''flip flopping." ........#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #<- girl who def was emotionally abused but also doesn't really understand that yet #anyway love u get OUT OF THERE IF YOU RELATE BYE!!!!

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demaparbat-hp · 1 month ago

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“Feeding and checking on two animals a couple of times a day is hardly a chore for you. Meanwhile, I've got to deal with a sexist and—even worse—a stupid piece of koalasloth dung.”

“Still not my problem.”

“I'll make it your problem,” she growls.

She wanted murder. He needed sleep.

Technically, the scene this dialogue is from doesn't match the artwork, but the vibe is most important! Their banter must be one of my favorite things about Itch, Akai Kotou's second chapter (read it here!). The dynamic between Suki and Jian Li is terribly amusing, isn't it?

#atla #avatar the last airbender #zuko #atla fanart #prince zuko #atla art #Akai Kotou #kyoshi warriors #kyoshi island #Kyoshi Warriors AU #Kyoshi Warrior Ursa AU #Kyoshi Warrior Zuko #Kinda. It's not official.#atla zuko #zuko art #zuko fanart #Jian Li #suki fanart #suki art #atla suki #suki #Zuki bromance gogogo #i love them so so so so so so so much #And they love each other too but—damn it Sukes! Let my boy get some sleep. A man needs his rest :(#The sass is unaccounted for in this fic I swear #So much banter going on #Akai Kotou Chapter II: Itch #Jian Li's real identity was never a secret but may Agni strike me down where I stand if I don't drop subtle hints about it anyway #Yes this is about Katara describing his face as “beautiful and marred” and then this chapter's insane levels of subtext #Someone save me from Zuko's angst. It's taking over a fluffy AU.

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a-compass-without-a-needle · 4 months ago

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This is what happened after 3.1 isn't it?

#hsr #phaidei #phaidei nation I humbly offer thee a low quality meme to cope with the doomed yaoi that was going on #phainon #honkai star rail #fellas is it gay for your red coded rival to your blue coded rival to clasp his hands over your own after you stabbed him #due to thinking he was the objective of your revenge quest #pull your sword deeper in and by consequence add to your proximity while smiling and fondly say “Found you.”?#Was it casual when you had an insanely charged and homoerotic scene in the hot baths that had you face down on the ground at his feet?#no but seriously these two have me in a chokehold #what do you MEAN you told him your precise weak spot just in case you became you turned against his cause #and his presumed future EMIYA Archer coded shadow self immediately went precisely for it?#and you KNOW you'll die with a wound in that weak spot in your back and you told him about it anyway #and you tell people to keep an eye on him after you go to meet your fate and then ask him to watch over your people #and he says he'll work hard to learn your language #AND FINALLY #“If there's a chance in the next life you should come visit my library.” WHAT IF I PERISHED ON THE SPOT?!#that's their “See you in the next world.”; their “Do stay alive. I wish you the best of luck.”;#their “I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you.”; “You were a wonderful experience. You were everything.” etc etc #they make me ill (positive)#also I find it so funny that as a KevinSu shipper in HI3rd I went into Star Rail expecting for the dynamic to be more coded with Anaxa #only for Phaidei to hit literally all of my points and favorite tropes in a ship and by consequence my head with a steel chair lol #really hope we see Mydei again soon because literally the first thing Phainon does after he's gone is talk about him all the time #he is a professional yearner and I respect him for it (especially since I too miss Mydei as if he's Odysseus going off to war and sea #for 20 years and I'm Penelope waiting at the shores of Ithaca)#also sorry for the low quality screenshot I was literally too invested in the quest to try and take better ones #gotta love how Hoyoverse is always giving the Kaslanas some of the best romances in their games and ESPECIALLY so if they're queer #myphai

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anteatrrr · 11 days ago

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guess who finally woke up

alalala

@payjayloveerr IM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG 😭😭😭IM SORRY 🪫🪫🪫

i actually spent weeks trying to draw men but then i realized i was incapable? i’m so confused right now. i decided to yuri them IM SO SORRY😓😓💔💔

paper asknt 4 a kiss lalala PAYJAY IS REAL!!

and also here little thing i mak😇😇 they re so cutie i love them

aren’t they sweetie aww omg i feel like i overlooked them in the show but they are so peak❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

let’s all pretend i know how to draw men. all 8 billion people💔

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fexarii · 2 months ago

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Look Outside hyperfix is real cuz fym this game covers like most of my favorite tropes and special interests. This is pandered to me . Anyways art dump below!

I haven't really figured out how I want to draw the characters yet but I get to draw a lot of arms and hands which is wonderful

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lukazade · 6 months ago

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Sleepover with two puny mortals that you're in love with (and everything can go right).

Lowkey based on a fanfic I was writing, but as usual I haven't the confidence to post it! Yeah~

Had this in the drafts for months,,,, figured I'd finish it up now so it's done. I like to kinda have some Finished art on the page hahahaha

#me when I'm unable to do streaming and music bc of my flu so I have time to focus on art instead #I recommend having multiple hobbies yall #hobbies you can do in different situations I mean #anyway this fic was so cute I'm ngl #it was meant to be timkon but then Bern materialised and had some extremely sweet moments with Kon and then ended up with the three of them #getting together casually and feeling it out as a three and then BOOM they're all in love #also Tim quit being a field vigilante and became a new comms guy (without alfred Barbara was rly just In A Situation)#and I fixed a few patches in the insane working conditions of the Wayne family business #basically it was extremely self indulgent because Tim's cool and chill vibe taking over WE and also performing a coup so Batman could retir #resulted in the family just kind of chilling out #and so he became free to explore romance and his Tim life (like he wants to do!)#bat workers rights!#art #digital art #fanart #screentone #manga style #illustrationish #tim drake #tim drake wayne #red robin dc #kon el #conner kent #superboy #bernard dowd #timkon #timbern #konbern #timbernkon #oh Tim's new vigilante name was Stalker (I'm not good at naming things) but the fam tends to refer to him as Chat (bc funni)

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trauma-bot · 7 months ago

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sin eater

#sorry its been a minute!!! the horrors. you understand.#anyways yall ready for another gloom tag essay because here we go!!!#im constantly thinking about the ramifications of uzi literally eating cyn and her now being apart of her.#specifically how it impacts uzi mentally. like dgmw i LOVE the silly cyntail shenanigans in fanart (ive also contributed to this) however #when i really think about it in relation to uzi's arc i go crazy insane #uzi is a character who is grasping for control after a lifetime of not having it.#she has no control over how her peers treat her. she has no control over khan neglecting her for reasons that arent her fault.#she quite literally has no control over the solver taking her over and making her do monstrous things against her will #which solidifies her feelings of being a freak monster who everyone was right to outcast and mistreat.#because im Unwell i interpret her calling herself god as a way to convince herself of having control- and to lock away feelings of impurity #if anyone is in control- if anyone is loved and cherished despite any and all wrong doings- its a god.#and that all comes to a head when she eats the heart of cyn thereby destroying the AS- a literal manifestation of a corrupted god- for good #finally taking back control from the entity that had been terrorizing and traumatizing both her and her loved ones. but did she really?#cyn is apart of her now. powerless sure- but that doesnt take away the horrors she wrought previously #and even so- has uzi ever stopped being just a host? do you think shes terrified of cyn regaining power out of the blue?#do you think uzi ever stops feeling like a monster?#“sin eating” was a thing that happened where someone would consume ritual foods to take on the sins of a recently deceased person #thus absolving said deceased person of any sins and putting them onto the sin eater. being a sin eater ensured eternal damnation.#and i just think about that a lot. when applying that (symbolically ofc(somewhat literally. she very much is a cyn eater)) to what uzi did.#“gloom you're reading way too much into this” THE LITTLE GOTH ROBOT. MAKES ME INSANE IN THE HEAD. OK!!!!!#gloom.art #murder drones #murder drones fanart #murder drones uzi #uzi murder drones #uzi doorman #uzi md #md uzi #uzi fanart

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deltastorm101 · 1 year ago

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Alan Wake 2 — A Love Letter | Development Diary

#more behind the scenes? photoset time babeyyy!!#ngl the old map animation was kinda satisfying #alan wake #alan wake 2 #remedy games #remedy connected universe #photoset #also ya gworl finally figured out how to take proper yt screenshots without the bars lmao #right click twice -> take snapshot. that's it. ridiculous. been doing win+print and manual cropping for years #i repeat myself but. wish i could have giffed the entire video #anyway bye gonna continue to go insane over DEATH SCREEN IN COLOR DEATH SCREEN IN COLOR

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waterfallofspace · 1 month ago

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the act of rubbing their nose leading to more sneezing >>>>>>

whether it's against a finger/palm, desperate and harsh, yet not enough to quell the rising itch, the pressure hitting the wrong spot leaving them gasping—

or a single finger, perhaps just the nail, trailing along the bridge, around the rims, down the tip of their nose, coaxing out that stubborn tickle~

#waterfalltalks #waterfall snzarios #been reminded a couple times lately how. insanely hot this concept is to me #yes it's still spring and my brain is still entirely snzfocused welcome to all i can think about ever lately #god i just- it's something so difficult to ever ask for- and not everyone can even do it but #to anyone who can get a snz out by just rubbing their nose- especially the second half #just taking a finger/nail and slowly running it over an incredibly sensitive/irritated nose and coaxing out a snz.....#hi yes you are the hottest thing ever that is. so attractive that's so. ahHGAJSKDfgm im losing it over that <3 #ofc i have lil guys in mind but also just that's such a hot concept like hi any universe or god or whatever #toss me a partner who can do this bc hhhhhhhh~ i'd lose my mind #it's just such an insanely hot concept to me idk why i just- hrnysnzbrain do hrnysnzbrain things i suppose~#anyways hope at least one other person feels this too bc this feels like such a slutty post to make????#even tho it's just?????? rub nose = snz = hot???? listen my brain is. wild.#snzblr #snz kink #snzkink #snz #snz thoughts

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vv-ispy · 1 month ago

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Despair disease

#danganronpa #sdr2 #nagito komaeda #hajime hinata #komahina #sayaka maizono #makoto naegi #oooooohhhhhh boy chapter 3. uh. daily life was great #the case itself. probably my least favourite of the game #despair disease. on one hand rip hinatas issues that he hears komaeda go 'I hate you go away' and can only respond with 'wha-FINE I will'#and not. ya know. realize the whole liar's disease going on #on the other hand hinata. the liar's disease. oh my god #at this point in the game I was more sympathetic to komaeda and focused less on hinata #but in retrospect now that Hinata is Best Boy Doing His Best Always Moving Forward #dang kinda insane how two-sided the sabatage of their relationship is #that yes komaeda's self deprication/actions pushes people away and makes them distrustful of him #but hinata is also all too willing to take anything even slightly doubtful of him at face value then turn away from it #the idea that hinata is filled with so much self doubt he is So Unwilling to hear anything negative Komaeda says about him #(bc Hinata still cares what Komaeda thinks about him! What everyone thinks about him!)#that he can't look past the obvious liar's disease and would rather leave komaeda altogether while still grappling with why he cares #about the other. these two are so similar their relationship implodes so badly over the game oh my god I think about them constnatly #uhhhh anyway second pic is my 'komaeda is maizono 2 To Me' agenda #apologies to all the naezo.no shippers i ship them too I just ship them in a way where they keep breaking up #wait a second that's just the canon komahina dynamic...... skldhfs #dr playthrough doodles #my art

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moonchild-in-blue · 4 months ago

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Hmmmm.

Well.

🤨🤔📐🕵️‍♂️

Also. All albums so far had 12 tracks (excluding deluxe/bonus versions). Hexagon = 6 sides. 2 Hexagons = 12 sides = 12 tracks

A side (Veridian) and B side (Feathered). I have connected the dots 👍

#“darya why are you so hung up on the hexagonal shapes” LISTEN. THIS IS KINDA MY THING OKAY #aside from the viridian oxide hexagon thing - this is very cool and interesting #yes i realise i sound a bit insane atm. yes i know the reddit dude bros would HATE this amount of scrutinising.#yes i know i am over-analysing literally everything. it's a reach sure. BUT. WE NEVER KNOW #not taking risks with Mr Vessel until we have more info #“darya you should go eep” dawg i'm trying. but thoughts keep emerging and Wikipedia whispers to me like the sirens of the Odyssey #anyways. my phone is about to die anyways so i'm putting it on charge and wish for trouble in the dreamworld. or whatever the mothman said #sleep token #sleep token lore #smhtdf

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blueskittlesart · 10 months ago

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*sigh* thoughts on Nintendo's botw/totk timeline shenanigans and tomfoolery?

tbh. my maybe-unpopular opinion is that the timeline is only important when a game's place on the timeline seriously informs the way their narrative progresses. the problem is that before botw we almost NEVER got games where it didn't matter. it matters for skyward sword because it's the beginning, and it matters for tp/ww/alttp (and their respective sequels) because the choices the hero of time makes explicitly inform the narrative of those games in one way or another. it matters which timeline we're in for those games because these cycles we're seeing are close enough to oot's cycle that they're still feeling the effects of his choices. botw, however, takes place at minimum 10 thousand years after oot, so its place on the timeline actually functionally means nothing. botw is completely divorced from the hero of time & his story, so what he does is a nonissue in the context of botw link and zelda's story. thus, which timeline botw happens in is a nonissue. honestly I kind of liked the idea that it happened in all of them. i think there's a cool idea of inevitability that can be played with there. but the point is that the timeline exists to enhance and fill in the lore of games that need it, and botw/totk don't really need it because the devs finally realized they could make a game without the hero of time in it.