#anyway. i digress. i dunno if this will help you at all but it helps *me* with that sort of thing.

[r-18g]

advice on dealing with impostor syndrome?

literally everybody on this earth is just some guy. (or just some girl. or just some person.)

which is to say, there’s really no need to compare yourself to the other people who are in the same spaces as yourself? because no one is particularly special on this bitch of an earth, and odds are good that even the most self-assured person out there has felt like they were faking it, until they gained that confidence.

we are all just people! everything is a learning process! it’s fully okay to fake it!

[maespri]

oh my i never really saw myself making a post like this, but i really wanna talk about morgana! more specifically… why i don’t really understand the hate he receives.

for starters, i know a lot of people dislike mona because he gets on ryuji’s case often. his squabbling with ryuji can get hurtful at times too, i know, but i feel like so many people conveniently leave out the fact that… ryuji returns fire? it’s not as though mona is constantly attacking poor ryuji who can’t defend himself; it’s a two-sided fight throughout most of the game. both of them are constantly fueling the fire. not to mention, it’s a fight that eventually ends. both individuals have great character development (i could talk about it for /ages/, but i digress) that ends with their fighting essentially ceasing entirely. they’re both dumb teenage boys, they both said dumb stuff to each other, and they both hurt each other, and all of that is recognized and left in the past.

the hatred toward mona in general is something i struggle to understand entirely. you hate this cat because he tells you to go to bed? the game would have told you to do that one way or another, because it’s a game. there have to be constraints, or you’d get terribly overpowered incredibly fast. i wholeheartedly agree that mona’s lacking in comparison to the other characters in many ways- but i’ve never hated him, and was surprised to see a lot of people did.

maybe i’m just weirdly empathetic toward fictional characters, but i really liked his storyline. mona’s been with the protagonist since day one, helping him out, staying with him, encouraging and supporting him in everything he does, navigating them through mementos and palaces and battles… and he’s never really appreciated for any of it. obviously, the other phantom thieves do the same and don’t require any extra praise, but morgana already has a complex stemming from the fact that he’s not human. inherently, he believes he’s not nearly as good as any of the others, and subsequently, that he isn’t good enough in general- and he’s so ashamed of that that he can’t even voice the concern to the protagonist pre-okumura’s palace. it made sense to me when he snapped and ran away; if you were constantly the black sheep of a group, unable to engage with anyone unless the guy you live with is always there as well, wouldn’t you yearn for autonomy too? (don’t even get me started on the haru parallels there; there’s a reason morgana snapped during the okumura arc.) if you felt expendable and there wasn’t ever an effort made to prove otherwise, purposeful or not, wouldn’t you also want to leave? to spare both yourself, and the people you’re leaving? i really liked his arc because it led to two realizations- that he was pivotal to the group, and it was fine if he ended up not being a human. (and honestly, he was pivotal to my group… who else would i use to heal everyone outside of battle…!)

anyway, his objectification of women was weird. didn’t like that. but this is a JRPG, and he’s not the only one who does strange things like that at times (why was ryuji looking at ann’s chest in the mona bus outside futaba’s palace man…). honestly, his flirting was also weird at times, but as long as it never got strangely sexual, i didn’t really mind? it’s not like it ever genuinely bothers ann either as far as i remember. it’s more just a stupid thing he does.

anyway… i dunno. i like the kitty. he’s silly, he kept me company, and he made my playthrough fun. life is so much more beautiful when you carry love in your heart rather than resentment

[aspd-culture]

hey, so i recently did some research and took the mmpi and a few other tests that i knew were well regarded as diagnostic tools by professionals, as well as self reflection and matching myself with criteria. (all tests found free probably illegally online via links on reddit cause i dont got that kind of money) and it appears that i have aspd.

I consider myself a good person, i try to always be good to everyone which is a lot of effort because it’s something i dont do naturally, and imo that makes me better than a “normal person” but i digress

finding this out, while relieving in the way that it explained a lot of stuff, has also made me feel more alienated. i cant tell anyone im close to because theyll just hear “sociopath” and think i dont care about them or ive been manipulating them this whole and leave, and i wont be able to find new people because im bad at connecting with others so ill be alone. and no one online with aspd seems to have my experiences (also a lot of the online spaces are filled with pwBPD and pwNPD using our tag lmao and i dont relate to them either obviously) so i feel alien here too.

I dunno, finding this out was helpful in some ways but in others i just feel worse.

I guess it’s a net good now that i know that my way of thinking and going through life doesnt make me a bad or manipulative person its just how i naturally think bc of my disorder, and as long as im choosing to be good to people it shouldn’t matter. i just wish it wasnt so stigmatized to have, and i wish people would realize that i am capable of being a good person just as much as they are, i just have my own way of doing it.

I actually dont get why having it Come Naturally is such a good thing anyway, isnt it more meaningful if someone isnt “good by nature” but actively chooses to be anyway? I think it means less and is less reliable if someone is good by nature because then it means that they don’t actually know how or why theyre doing it, and if they have a moment of fluctuations in their empathy then they could be worse than any of us disordered folk who had to learn they why and how of this stuff.

lmfao ok uh sorry for having a character arc in your ask box you can delete if you want idc

No, no worries! I'm sorry it took me this long to get to honestly because yeah I agree with this - it is in my opinion objectively better to do good things by choice, even when it's hard for us. And, in fact, the NTs feel that way too but they don't like that it applies to us.

It's a whole cliche people like to throw around, that it isn't easy to be a good person and that the only truly good people are the ones that doing it when it's hard too - that the easiest thing isn't always the right thing, all of that. They just don't like that those things apply to us too and therefore we are very much their definition of good people.

The world has so much stigma against us, and I'm sorry you're struggling with it, that any and all of you are. We shouldn't be treated this way as a result of us being mistreated as kids. It's not our fault, but we're labeled and demonized anyway. And it sucks, and even though it says everything about them and nothing about us, people believe them bc they're so used to thinking we're the scary ones so we must be wrong.

That seems to be slowly changing, and I hope I (and you) are around to see when it does.

Plain text below the cut:

No, no worries! I'm sorry it took me this long to get to honestly because yeah I agree with this - it is in my opinion objectively better to do good things by choice, even when it's hard for us. And, in fact, the NTs feel that way too but they don't like that it applies to us.

It's a whole cliche people like to throw around, that it isn't easy to be a good person and that the only truly good people are the ones that doing it when it's hard too - that the easiest thing isn't always the right thing, all of that. They just don't like that those things apply to us too and therefore we are very much their definition of good people.

The world has so much stigma against us, and I'm sorry you're struggling with it, that any and all of you are. We shouldn't be treated this way as a result of us being mistreated as kids. It's not our fault, but we're labeled and demonized anyway. And it sucks, and even though it says everything about them and nothing about us, people believe them bc they're so used to thinking we're the scary ones so we must be wrong.

That seems to be slowly changing, and I hope I (and you) are around to see when it does.

[sketchfanda]

A Little Moxie Love:Gavin's Mom has got It Going On!!

Springfield was that kind of town in a sense if you were to ask certain different people their opinions about it. Those who were born and lived there couldn't imagine being anywhere else but they sure as hell will complain about its problems. America's trash hole, the worst city around, just among the few nicknames and terms which came to mind with this pissant little town. For one woman of course Springfield and its issues were the least of her worries.

Now our lovely little ditz here, let's call her oooh I dunno Cakes, as in because she looked like a real piece of hot cakes, i mean you see that ass she's got packed away in these jeans?!! Anyways Cakes here was just parking her mini-van after having just returned from a grocery store run as she unpacked and began to haul her purchaes inside. A deadpan hum thinking of course Gavin or Caitlin wouldn't be bothered off their lazy asses to come around and consider helping her out. But really what else could she expect from those two, especially Gavin?

Well besides his being his usual pain in the ass self, calling her an idiot and what not but chalk it up to the choices she made in her youth. Choices that she was still dealing with the consequences of as she opened her front door to step inside, calling out her return to her kids, puzzled yet unsurprised to get nothing in the way of a response. No doubt Caitlin was busy chatting away on the phone or Gavin was likely being a rude little shit on one of those online games of his. One of these days she swears that attitude of his was going to get him in a hell of a lot of trouble.

Little did she know of course at this very moment, a hell of a lot of trouble had come Gavin's way in the form of the killer for hire misfits known as I.M.P., Yeah let's just say someone in hell had wanted to see that little shitstain and his sister dead.....well a lot of someones, christ it'd been a whole group that if they had them line up, it would've gone around the block, twice!! Long story short, it was a direct enough kind of job, get into the living world, find the two spoiled rotten brats and murder their asses!! It just so happened Mama Hotcakes had come back home just as they were in the midst of disposing of the bodies as the upstairs bathroom looked as bloody and messy as a slaughterhouse as Loona stood by the door keeping a lookout. Her ears twitching, nose flaring as she picked up the sound and scent indicating they had a witness situation pending.

Loona:*looks up from her browsing on her phone as she peeked out the door, looking back to her co-workers as they hunched and loomed over the blood filled tub.* "Hey Blitz, we got a situation. I think the mom just came home so ya know, fyi, she sees this shit? She's gonna freak the fuck out..."

Blitzo:*dressed in hazmat wear, as were Moxxie and Millie as they were hacking up the bodies and using bleach, salt and acid to melt them down. The clients were very thorough and distinct in how they wanted these little shits handled.*"Oh come the fuck on!! I thought we had her routine down!!"*waves around Gavin's skinned off skull, identifiable by his greasy shithead hair with its rat-tail pony tail. Moxxie giving him a deadpan glance behind the visor of his helm.*

Moxxie:"No, sir we didn't. You just said we were gonna go in and quote unquote ''Fuck these little rats up and let God sort them out!!". This wasn't all that well planned out in advance, we got lucky their mother was out at the time..."*Somedays it's a wonder their organization saw business with a former circus clown running things. Not that he would be bothered saying that to Blitzo's face, he was NOT in the mood for another of the former circus kid's wise-ass remarks about his manhood or lack of. For anyone who's been reading this story so far all very well know he wasn't lacking, no sir he was packing!! But I digress...*

Blitzo:"Okay criticism noted and ignored Moxxie, can't be helped so good on you for volunteering!!*That set off a few red flags in Moxxie's brain. Just his luck, his employer was once again looking to go along with a gut impulse instinct. he had to think and act fast. Otherwise this job might go more south than that whole springbreak fiasco, he was NOT a possum thank you!!*

Moxxie:"Wait volunteering for what?"*As he passed on some parts here and there to Millie who dunked them into the tub and stirred away. The chemicals working their way into melting down bone, viscera and skin. Pretty soon there'd be no bodies to find and Gavin and his sister would be likely already down in Hell pending punishment. Hey equal opportunity damnation, right?*

Blitzo:"Why running interference and distraction of course! Get out of those duds, pour on the charm and distract that Karen long as possible. I think this is gonna take us a while, knew that guy who sold me this bonesaw was lying. Cut through a human femur in 30 seconds my horny little ass!!

Moxxie:"but sir-!!"*Despite efforts otherwise, Moxxie couldn't even get a chance to protest as Blitzo pulled the hazmat suit off of him and threw him out into the corridor outside of the bathroom. Looks like the boss made up his mind so now he had to keep Cakes from being a witness by any means necessary, Millie shooting him an apologetic glance while Loona just shot him a thumbs up. Well this was likely to go one of two ways, the most likely being she sees him and mistakes him for a possum. Which would result in her screaming, wailing on him with a broom and try to kill him but time to see how fortune smiled today.*

Sighing as he shrugged his shoulders, the imp made his way to the stairs to go intercept the single mom, who paused half way up on her journey there as she indeed laid eyes on him. An awkward silence occurring naturally as the pair stared at each other, the imp certainly had to say, far as suburban moms went, this gal was more than easy on the eyes that was for sure. You couldn't really tell she'd even had two kids. But of course a part of his brain did remind him that it was time for the other shoe to inevitably drop as she finally spoke up.

Cakes:"Are you the gigolo I was expecting?"*That question seemingly out of nowhere threw the imp for a loop that was for sure. He wasn't sure how or why, of course, unaware that indeed the MILF had indeed been expecting such a thing. Until he remembered that indeed, they had on their way here from Imp City to the living world, wound up falling from the portal in the sky on top of some guy who looked like a male stripper. Leave it to Blitzo to be hasty reading the dimensional travel spell but least he had the bright idea to just tie the guy up and leave him behind the bushes.*

Moxxie:*Deciding he had to whatever was necessary, just shrugged and decided to go along with humor her presumption. It wasn't like he could pass for a Gigolo anyways but not according to Millie and a few others who'd think he put legit ones to shame. She'd likely think it was a prank or the agency pulled some false advertising then likely go Karen on them and call to complain, asking for the manager to provide her a refund. Speaking up as he finally replied.*"Yeah sure that's me alright...baby..."

Cakes:*Not noticing Moxxie wince at that cringey bit of cheesiness feeling like his sack of shit old man there (Seriously Crimson go fuck yourself), seemed to perk and bright up.* "Well wasn't expecting you so soon that's for sure. Weird costume but hey kind of a turn on. Doesn't seem like my kids are home so let's not waste anytime since you're here on the hour."*That threw the imp for another loop, she seriously believed him? Blinking as she scrambled up the stairs, grabbing and pulling Moxxie by his hand, following behind her due to momentum. And getting quite a view of her backside, seeing how tight those denim jeans hugged her legs, especially around that applebottomed ass of hers. Which only helped to distract him as he found himself taken into what he could only assume was her bedroom.*

Moxxie:"Oooh crumbs...."*Was about all he could manage to say as the milf didn't bother to lock her door, assuming it was just the two of them with her kids out and nobody else to bother them. The imp knowing full well said kids were dead and being disposed of by his co-workers in the bathroom. It was a miracle they didn't leave much of the house looking like a crime scene as he watched the single hot mama kick off her shoes and ditch her leather jacket and lime green cap. Showing off she had quite the toned body no doubt from a lot of exercise and yoga a woman her age would be into before she suddenly picked him up and placed him back flat on the bed.*

Cakes:"Now that I get a better look at you, you may not look like the kind of guy I'd see in sports illustrated but youu definitely are too cute to pass up."*The blondey quipped playfully and sensually, looming over the small imp making him feel cornered. He had to admit, this wasn't as scarousing fear boner inducing encounter like that whole fiasco with Martha before he found her peeling off his coat, followed by undoing and removing his shirt and tie. The milf purring as she found his comapct frame to be rather toned and nice to the touch.*"The whole bodypaint cosplay is a neat gimmick too, especially the horns, now then let's see what you're pack-"*Whatever Cakes was about to say was halted as she finished getting off his pants and bxoers, eyes widening and jaw dropping at the sight of Moxxie's erect length and girth.*"....Oh....My...God..."

Moxxie:"Uhm....should've warned you I'm kind of a grower...."*The imp tried to explain and reassure the hot mama before he gasped and groaned at her suddenly grasping his cock. Stroking it in her silky palm and fingers as her expression of shock gave way to awe followed by rising ecstasy. Biting her lower lip sensually as she rubbed her denim clad thighs together, feeling a goddamn waterfall flow between her legs as any and every man she'd been with prior became fading memories. The imp stud soon finding her plant licks and kisses on his shaft from tip to base, outright worshipping his balls with her tongue as she lubed him up with her drool before soon practically making herself suffocate as she proceeded to perform fellatio.*

The blonde bombshell just couldn't help herself, like some switch had been flipped inside her brain, setting her off into a bitch in heat mode that made her want to suck and blow on this cock. Rubbing her denim covered camel toe as she felt her pussy radiate with stickyness and warmth as if calling for her to get on letting this shortstack stud fuck her. Rut her like he wanted to put a baby in her and for the Love of all that was holy raise them right this time!! A thought that got louder in volume as her eyes burnt with a rising lust and she took in inch after inch of this long, thick womb hammering veiny piece of pussy pounding heaven, his sounds of arousal music to her ears.

Whatever doubts or hesitation Moxxie had before about having to, as Blitzo put it, run interference pretty much went south thanks to the intense thirsty blowjob this hot sexy mama was giving him. Her saliva practically drowning his shaft as her tongue lapped up his flowing pre as She unknowingly ticked off a few boxes in Moxxie’s sexual checklist. It was a little fact that only a few select women knew about Their favourite alpha male and it was that the raw desire and pleasure provided by a bitch that was clearly horny for him really turned him on. And this tall, blonde drink of water was really making him want to primal on her…and of course that was what he proceeded to do!!

Cakes:”OOOOOOOOH Fuuuuuuuuuuuck me fuckfuckfuck oh fuck me daddy fuck me fuck me hard!!”*Was about all the single mama that could definitely give Stacy’s mom a run for her money could say in between moaning and screaming in ways that there was no way the whole neighbourhood couldn’t hear them. That is when she could remember to use words let alone form sentences as many a female passer by or neighbour of varying legal sexual age and prime felt turned in and so envious, wondering why they couldn’t get that lucky. Making the men some of them had feel shameful and inadequate while the sexy bitch in heat continued to get pounded by Moxxie’s natural sexual lethal weapon doggy style, biting the grasping the sheets of her bed for dear life. The clapping of her asscheeks against that jackhammering imp’s pelvis as his length and girth ensured no other man was ever going to cut it when it came to satisfying her.*

Moxxie”Seeet unholy whore of Babylon…”*The imp couldn’t help but mumble, grunting as he continued to hammer away into the blonde bombshell’s pussy. Her naked body glistening with a sheen of sweat as the bed shook and creaked from how intense and wildly they were fucking. Knowing at this point that it was clear it’d been way, WAY too long since this woman had actually been sexually satisfied, so of course even it meant having to plow away until his balls ran dry, she had to so well fucked that she felt like she’d see God!! Or at least be knocked out long enough for the others to finish up with getting rid of the bodies and make their escape.*

Fuck her he certainly did, from massaging her juicy hips as she rode him cowgirl style, hearts glowing in her eyes as her bimbo airhead like brain became flooded with pleasure, to having this imp continue to rock her suburban mom world as he pinned her in between a mating press and a piledriver, working her insides like some erotic butter churn. And she was loving every damn second of it that she was actually forgetting she had kids for the time being, christ she thinks she mayve actually been falling in love, or was it just lust? Not that it ell mattered right now as the pair went at it in ways that were putting pornstars to shame, seconds going into minutes which woild become hours unaware they were being watched of course. Millie and Loona watching on with voyeuristic delight as their stud once again gave another needy slut a taste of vitamins Mox, the hellhound catching videos and pictures on her phone.

Blitzo:*pokes his head out from the bathroom door, steam coming out as as he worked away on the disposal and cleaning of the evidence.*”Hey is Moxxie done yet? The little shits’ corpses are pretty much non existent and I’ve been cleaning this bathroom of evidence so much the bitch coild be able to see herself on the floor!” *Yes indeed the disposal had been long since completed, the bathroom sparkling clean bar the equipment gathered up in the corner. The head honcho of IMP not quite picking up the telltale sounds of Moxxie’s ongoing sexual marathon with the brats’ hot mama. Somedays the guy could be denser than Mammon’s rotund stomach.*

Loona:*Rubbing her soaking wet thighs together, tail wagging as she and Millie continued watching the live porn show. Already thinking of her own oending fun times with her imp daddy after this gig that’s for sure.*”Oh yeah, the bitch is really…putting up a fight, he’s really got to go John wick on her….”*She lied unconvincingly BUt given being deadpan snarky and monotone tended to be her default mood set, of course her adopted dad would fall for it. He was the kind of guy you’d be able to sell a boat in the desert to.*

Millie:”Oh yeah it’s a violent fight, who knew a soccer mom could be so vicious….”*Leave it to Millie of course with that sincere country accent of hers to add to the bluff. Licking her lips at watching the air headed hottie’s thicc, toned tits and ass jiggle and shake as she became an addict for her man’s dick. Somedays coming to the living world was always fun because you never knew what sexy slurs and bitches could get lucky meeting her husband. It was hot and sexy as all fuck.*

Blitzo of course ought that load of tripe easily enough, shrugging his shoulders as h decided to give their crime scenes another clean over, including the brats’ rooms. Helping himself to looting some of their stuff of course, some living world material could sell for a mint back in hell, especially in the greed ring. The foursome finally making their escape after Moxxie finally called done on his “interference run”, clothes a bit messy due to hastily dressing back up. Sure he was a mess but not compared to Cakes, who was left in what remained of her bed, soaked with sweat and sex juices and a blissful smile on her face.

She’d almost wake up thinking it might have been a dream had it not been for the business card Millie had left in her night stand. Which of course provided Moxxie’s cellphone number and email, sealed with a kiss by the wrath shortstack hinting that her little gigolo wouldn’t and didn’t need to be a one off. Suffice to say, the sexy single mama was already looking forward to it, as she had herself quite an enjoyable shower, playing with herself as she fantasies about the gigolo who rocked her world. Wearing fresh set of her usual ensemble as she looked herself in the mirror, dare she be narcissistic but damn she was looking better than usual.

So much so that she got an idea as she took some naughty selfies, one flashing a tit and the other mooing the camera with her bubble butt as she sent them to Moxxie, adding his number to her contacts. This was definitely going to Something to talk about with her gal pals as she got out and drove out in her ride. Idly wondering, why did she have a mini-van……ah well. Yes indeed Moxxie had fucked her so well she forgot she was even a mom…..at leas for maybe another 9 months assuming he didn’t leave a bun in her oven. If not then well that could be arranged. For IMP it had been just another job…for Millie, it was her man once again proving he was an absolute unit stud.

[aspartaime]

I'm in a mood tonight so if anyone who i have ever known see this, let's read further. This is truly so stream of conscious. It's just a general life update.

CW: drug use, mental health themes, emotional?? idk it was to me, SA

My friends on this site, I know we've been out of contact for years. I have been in a season of life where I am extremely sentimental. I look back on my friends I made here/friends I have IRL that also followed me here, and it makes my heart swell.

I was going through some severe mental issues when I was on Tumblr regularly. I've since pinned it down to "being a chronically online, easily influence teenager". There were a lot of things either glorified, justified, and normalized on Tumblr that messed up my nerf ball brain. I was not a great friend because of it. I realize in hindsight as an adult whose brain is less nerf-bally that the lot of you who cared about me must have really cared about me to stick with me through that shit show. This is my formal apology in the least direct or awkward way for my behavior. Know that I love you all and pray your lives are full of home cooked meals and laughter and peaceful Sunday mornings.

Since my PTSD diagnosis I have done a lot of making sense of old memories. My life from age 13 through age 17 is such a blur. My girlfriend doesn't know what to say when I bring it up. You all would love my girlfriend, by the way. We live together now. She's the light of my life. She makes things worth remembering again.

I finally stopped acting like a doormat. My constant need for validation that I experienced in my youth has become a mildly nihilistic disposition. But like, the cool nihilism, where nothing matters so everything is super chill. I realized it doesn't matter if I don't like someone or someone doesn't like me, we all have different preferences and needs and all. I dunno. It's kind of nice to be free of clingy baby hell. I'm attributing that to the PTSD diagnosis as well.

I got into weed. This is not a surprise to anyone who have ever had a conversation with me, I'm sure. I started smoking to take the nightmares away. Then it became just a normal part of my day. I don't abuse it though. I just find that it helps keep my head quiet.

I got in a lot of fights along the way. It's kind of funny. This last fight was really my tipping point into my "go-with-the-flow" phase. Given it was the third (or possibly even fourth? PTSD makes it difficult to care about keeping track) I was sexually assaulted, I just had to make a decision then and there I was done caring. It also reinforced my belief that people who go through hard stuff have a flashing sign over their heads that tell other predators this isn't their first rodeo. At least it felt that way to me. I digress. This person was my best friend, allegedly, and it just blew up on me.

Anyways. All that negative aside I have been doing better than I ever have. My mental health is taken care of. I stimulate my brain and challenge myself with my three jobs, LOL. It keeps e out of trouble. I am with the most darling woman I've ever met. She saved me. My two cats are my prides and joys. I'm in a longplay of the Sims 4 right now.

I sign off on this post by requesting:

If you knew me and took the time to read this, I care for you always. Thank you for helping me get to where I am now, getting me through the hardest years of my life when I was also constantly using this site, and teaching me so much about true friendship. You guys rule.

[all-made-of-stardust]

oh i am....really unsure how to feel about this episode.

Like, don't get me wrong, this episode was delightfully entertaining. Between Braius being a studmuffin and flirting with everyone, the cool-ass battle, the absolute chaos of everything - it was really fun to watch, it really was!

However...I don't know. Maybe it's because it's 2am and I'm tired, but I'm a little bit disappointed with how things played out? Mainly for two reasons.

One, during the entire fight with Dominox I was so desperately hoping that they would all turn against Ludinus and set Dominox free. This was a fantasy from the beginning, I realize that, but maybe I'm just very very very fed up of Ludinus' stupid speeches and how an AU where Dominox got released and Ludinus got eaten/sent to the Abyss/something else and the story shifted towards a big kaiju fight between Dominox and Predathos....well, it could have been interesting and fun. Definitely not what the actual cast wanted, and Ludinus does deserve his own impactful demise, but I just think it could have been a new fun twist where Bells Hells suddenly have to run damage control and help others on a more smaller scale, which seems more suitable for how they're built.

(I am also still maintaining a theory of mine that Ludinus is gonna get hoisted by his own petard somehow, I just thought it could be this episode)

Two, this new EXU: Downfall series. Again, prefacing this by saying that it's probably gonna be incredible! An amazing line up of cast, three whole parts, Brennan running it! Showstopping, I hope it's just as awesome as Calamity was!

BUT. BUT. The lead up to this new series was Ludinus and Bells Hells witnessing some sort of virtual reality knowledge database that could tell them the whole story. So why. On earth. Are we not getting the EXU: Downfall series set with Bells Hells?

Like, I get that it probably makes more logistical sense from a story standpoint to bring in new PCs, and having an entire series dedicated to the current party visiting the past ala Matrix style is probably a bit on the nose. But I dunno, man! Stranger things have happened!

Maybe I'm just still a little bitter that they hijacked two whole-ass weeks to throw us into the Crownkeeper storyline within the main campaign (which yeah, I'm still a little bitter about purely because for an average layperson watching the series, most people might not even know who any of the Crownkeepers even are. Me, I'm the average layperson, I did not watch Kymal, I barely remember EXU: Prime, and they were suddenly expecting me to care?)

Anyway, sorry, I'm digressing. Point being, I'm happy they're gonna be doing cool shit with Downfall, and I'm happy that Brennan gets another chance to terrorize everyone again.

But I still don't understand why Bells Hells won't be there. Like fuck me, you have a massive VR library database, and when you boot it up you're just gonna....leave your main characters behind?

Again?????

[blimbo-buddy]

Now I'm just upset I sent like 1k words of lore and it ends up being a ghost? Tumblr??? Why??

Anyways yeah poor Waffles was created so I can show that the clans really want to scare the kittypets away and stuff.

Dunno what happened with the humans and honestly don't care to create a reason so they just disappeared one day. Many cats did start crying and that's how the kingdoms formed at first. They started forming groups to support each other because a lot of cats did have deep emotional bonds with their owners.

They learned how to open the bags and cans and breaking out their trapped friends inside of the homes that were locked. (The raccoons helped by smashing in some windows lmao).

Tiny doesn't exist because I fused him with Rusty and that's why Scourge as we know doesn't exist in Kittypet Kingdoms.

The dogs were kind of peeved off on the behalf of their packmates and some who knew how to eloquently speak cat almost went off on a clan cat before being dragged back.

Barley and his barn are neutral grey area for the kingdoms and the clans. They respect this dude's wish to live in peace.

Also, the kittypets found a way to use fire. It's just the raccoons perfected it and then it went from there.

The clan cats were absolutely offended to try and be bribed with "trash" when I have read your twolegplace culture and they were being bribed with what these cats considered treasure. Their toys. Their special little blankets. Even their cans of tuna.

Most of the kittypets were offended the fuck off and had to be dragged back by force to not cause a fight.

Waffles is scarred for life and while he does joke about it from time to time. It was rather truly traumatizing to have him be pinned down and feel his tail be torn away from him to send a message to the other kittypets. He was kind of never the same.

They could've taken his eye. One of his ears. Given him a nasty scar on his body but they took his tail and that's what makes it worse. He was created to show that most of the clan cats can't be reasonably be reasoned with.

He walked in on a Gathering, they heard him out. They heard the humans are gone and most of them agreed that, "Hmm, yes, the twolegs are gone we can take the land for ourselves and go back to the times before all of this. Starclan sent this as a message for a brighter future. Come here little kittypet. Here's what's gonna happen if you and your little friend decide to stay and not leave when asked."

That's haunting!

God, that fucking sucks dude I'm sorry that ended up happening. Tumblr sucks ass.

Honestly I don't mind that there isn't a specific cause towards the disappearance of the humans, I think it adds a bit of mystery that won't be solved. Poor Kittypets though, imagine one day you find your house empty with none of your Housefolk in sight, I like how that led to the formation of the Kingdoms, it builds a sense of community and builds a strong bond between those who were affected the most.

I feel like I remember you talking about making "Scourge" some kind of patron to the Kittypet Kingdoms but I could be misremembering, feel free to correct me on that. I think Tiny and Rusty being put into one character for this AU can lead to a lot of interesting ideas. It's good to know that Barley is just trying to live in peace and the Kingdoms respect his wishes (surprised the Clans respected his wishes but I digress). I'm sure that the raccoons helped the Kittypets with how to safely create fire without burning themselves. I'd imagine that while yeah, the cats have thumbs, with your word about Racoon thumbs generally being more capable, I think that it'd be hard for cats to hold tools to make fire.

I would very much imagine some dogs holding every fiber of their being back from mauling a clan cat to death, I don't blame em. Also makes a lot of sense for the Kittypets to be offended back at the fact that the Clans considered their prized possessions and treasure, "trash". Again, don't blame the Kittypets who wanted to beat the fuck out of the Clan cats, but also they're stronger than me, it would have been on sight for me.

Poor Waffles, man. I guess sometimes you need to show the unwilling and violent nature of the clans through some form of writing. But also, fuck, imagine how horrible he feels after realizing that he gave the Clans vital info about the disappearance of the Twolegs and feeling like he's the cause of their frequent raids and attempted take-overs of some of the Kingdoms. He feels like he's doomed them all.

Overall this is such good ideas you got cooking up! Really gets you thinking about something else too. How many cats in the Clans don't share the same sentiment towards the Kingdoms, how many cats in the Clans are tolerant of them? Are they scared to voice their opinion because they fear punishment? Such a terrifying idea.

[funakounasoul]

How would you go about localizing she loves to cook and she loves to eat?

I had to re-read this one because, for a moment, I thought, "Wait a minute. The manga IS translated." No no, you mean a full on rework of the story to suit a different audience (in my case, US since that's where I'm from)

Well, keep in mind, Anon, that everyone has different ideas of how to go at it. I personally grew up with the localization styles of DiC/Cloverway with Sailor Moon, Pokemon in general (especially when it was heavier on the Japanese themes) and ADV (at least with Azumanga) and in those instances, they were still in Japan, but a few things got changed up to find US equivalents. Pokemon was worse (jelly donut, anyone lol) but I digress.

The main things we would need to keep intact in a localization would be the following:

It's a story about two adult women coming together via food

It would still have to have the mentions of social issues women and lgbtq folks go through this day and age

It needs to still be lighthearted and uplifting. It can have "hard read" moments, but there needs to be a sense of of a gentle reminder to take it one step at a time, breathe, but keep pushing for a better future, especially with those you love dear, even if they are found family.

I think the main cast should still have the same orientations/gender identities they are in the original. I mean, I think it'd be okay but the end of the day, it's specifically about women (transwomen are okay too!). The acespecness of most of the cast? Please keep that intact, for sure. There's just not much rep in general! Oh and they still should be older women (at the very least keep the general age order that Yuzaki-sensei has provided us of Yako>Nomoto>Kasuga>Nagumo) and Kasuga has to be the tallest and heaviest as that is litetally part of her character, too.

Anything else can change, really! You want a poc cast? Make them poc! You want American Nomoto to be like...from Kansas and American Kasuga from Maine and they became neighbors in an old, giant house that now serves as apartments in upstate New York? Yeah! There's your setting! (Especially as even Kasuga is surprised at some of Nomoto's Miyagi dish variations despite having moved from only one prefecture away, so wherever she's from in canon sounds like they share similar platters like where they're currently living...which I think is Yokohama? Just based of what I've read, anyway. It's a guess, but near Tokyo is what I'm saying lol)

The only thing that is a struggle is the whole last-name addressing that is pretty iconic for the story. We don't really call people by last name all too often, do we? Maybe in a work setting, but they don't work in the same place. Like...how does one even translate the use of that without sounding awkward?

Canon Nomoto and Kasuga are polite toward one another, yes, but you can still translate their dialogue to fit their age equivalent casual speak in other languages thanks to dialogue nuances and body language

I guess they could both have names that sound old-school but can be given nicknames (because, eventually, even original Nomoto and Kasuga will start using given names! Surely!!)? Like I dunno. Someone is named Elizabeth and is called Elizabeth by the other woman, and then for The (Eventual) Moment, or even when American Nagumo tries the -chan naming equivalent, we get to hear something like "Lizzy" and it speaks volumes to that character.

...Well! That was a lot of typing. Definitely helped pass the time at work. I think I turned it into an adaptation more than a localization, though. Whoops~ But honestly, I think similar points can be used as localizing the base story.

Feel free to use these thoughts as starter points if one ever wants to make a "their country" AU fic or something lol

[pesterloglog]

Karkat Vantas, Terezi Pyrope, Sollux Captor, Equius Zahhak

Act 5, page 2543

PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 6:12 HOURS AGO opened public transtimeline bulletin board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PCG 6:12 HOURS AGO opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.

PCG: OK I THINK I SET THIS UP RIGHT.

PCG: FUCK I SHOULD HAVE COME UP WITH A BETTER BOARD NAME.

PCG: BUT I GUESS THAT'S THE NAME IT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE SINCE THAT'S THE NAME THAT

PCG: UH

PCG: I ALREADY READ.

PCG: WOW THAT PROBABLY WON'T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ANYBODY.

PCG: WHATEVER, IT'S JUST A STUPID NAME, LET'S JUST DO THIS.

PCG: THIS IS A PUBLIC BULLETIN USING TROLLIAN'S WEIRD TRANSTIMELINE FEATURES WHICH I DON'T EVEN REALLY UNDERSTAND YET.

PCG: BUT I'M GUESSING MIGHT BE USEFUL.

PCG: I'VE INCLUDED ALL TWELVE PLAYERS IN THE SUBSCRIPTION LIST SO YOU SHOULD ALL BE ABLE TO READ THESE MEMOS AT ANY TIME.

PCG: THAT IS, ALL THE MEMOS POSTED, PAST AND FUTURE. I THINK.

PCG: IT COULD GET PRETTY TEMPORALLY CONFUSING OBVIOUSLY. I'M GOING TO TRY TO KEEP THE MEMOS AS SIMPLE AND LINEAR AS POSSIBLE.

PCG: ALSO LET'S KEEP THIS A ONE-WAY-ONLY BULLETIN TO MAKE THIS AS SIMPLE AS POSSIBLE.

PCG: DO NOT REPLY TO MY MEMOS!!! THIS IS NOT A FUCKING CHATROOM, ASSHOLES.

PCG: IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME IN RESPONSE TO A MEMO, MESSAGE ME IN PRIVATE AT THE APPROPRIATE POINT ON THE TIMELINE.

PCG: FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS IS ABOUT THE TEAMS.

PCG: AS OF NOW, YOU SHOULD ALL BE AWARE THAT THERE IS REALLY ONLY ONE TEAM, AND WE ARE ALL WORKING TOGETHER.

PCG: AND BY "NOW" I MEAN TIME LOCAL TO ME AS OF WRITING THIS.

PCG: SO IF YOU'RE READING THIS IN THE PAST...

PCG: UH OK FIRST OF ALL, HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT THIS FEATURE ALREADY? SECOND WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME.

PCG: WHATEVER I DIGRESS.

PCG: IF YOU'RE READING THIS IN THE FUTURE THEN WHO CARES, IT'S PROBABLY OLD NEWS TO YOU.

PCG: ACTUALLY NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT READING THIS IN THE FUTURE?

PCG: IT'S LIKE ANY BULLETIN BOARD, YOU POST STUFF AND IT SITS THERE FOR A WHILE AND PEOPLE IN "THE FUTURE" READ IT.

PCG: HUH. BIG FUCKING DEAL I GUESS.

PAST gallowsCalibrator [PGC] 5:51 HOURS AGO responded to memo.

PGC: OH MY GOD K4RK4T!

PGC: WHO C4R3S!!!!! >:O

PCG banned PGC from responding to memo.

PCG: ANYWAY LIKE I WAS SAYING.

PCG: ONE BIG TEAM, OVER WHICH I HAVE ASSUMED TOTAL LEADERSHIP.

PCG: I WILL ASSUME THAT IT WILL CONTINUE TO STAY THIS WAY FOR THE DURATION OF OUR QUEST, AND THAT I WILL REMAIN AN IMPECCABLE LEADER FOR A SPAN OF HUNDREDS OF HOURS WHILE I GUIDE US ALL TO A STUNNING VICTORY.

PCG: IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN NEED TO ASSUME.

PCG: I BROWSED THROUGH THIS WHOLE BULLETIN IN ADVANCE, AND IT DOES APPEAR TO BE THE CASE. GO ME.

PCG: IN FACT, SINCE I'VE SEEN WHAT I WILL WRITE IN THE FUTURE, I WONDER WHAT IMPETUS I WILL HAVE FOR WRITING IT LATER WHEN I'M SUPPOSED TO?

PCG: I WONDER IF I COULD JUST COPY/PASTE IT... HOLD ON.

PCG: DAMN.

PCG: I GUESS THEY THOUGHT OF THAT? I DUNNO. I TRIED TO LOOK AT THE WHOLE BULLETIN AGAIN, BUT NOW THAT I'VE OPENED THIS ONE FROM THE BEGINNING, I CAN'T SEE THE WHOLE THING ANYMORE.

PCG: UNLESS I LOOK AT IT ON ONE OF YOUR COMPUTERS...

PCG: OR MAYBE IF YOU SEND ME LIKE A TEXT FILE OF IT? WOULD THAT CAUSE A PARADOX OR SOMETHING?

PCG: YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS IS SO STUPID.

PCG: I ACTUALLY REMEMBER READING ALL THIS SHIT LIKE A HALF HOUR AGO, AND NOW HERE I AM TYPING IT ANYWAY.

PCG: I PROBABLY CAN'T AVOID TYPING ANY OF THIS, HOW WEIRD IS THAT.

PCG: I HATE TIME TRAVEL.

PAST twinArmageddons [PTA] 0:34 HOURS AGO responded to memo.

PTA: eheheheheh KK iim ba2iically ju2t lmao here at thii2, WOW.

PCG: HOLY FUCKING SHIT, ARE YOU PEOPLE RETARDED.

PTA: dude don't worry ii wont fuck up your memo for long, ii ju2t cant beliieve thii2 wa2 the biig rea2on you wanted "future me" two help you open tho2e port2.

PTA: two ba2iically ju2t babble about paradoxe2 and argue wiith your2elf for hundred2 of page2 heheheh.

PCG: OK SO YOU'RE SAYING THIS FROM LIKE 5 HOURS IN THE FUTURE JUST TO GIVE ME A HARD TIME, NICE.

PCG: WELL THANKS FOR THE HELP, SO WHEN DO I BAN YOU, FUTURE BOY?

PTA: a few liine2 down, after ii pretend liike iim goiing two diie.

PTA: iim 2ure for a laugh on account of my iimmiinent banniing, FUCK how could you even do that two me.

PTA: 2o cold man.

PCG: ARE YOU REALLY STILL SORE AT ME FIVE HOURS LATER FOR RUNNING THAT VIRUS, GOD DAMN GET OVER IT.

PCG: IT WAS YOUR FUCKING VIRUS ANYWAY, YOU'RE TO BLAME.

PTA: eheh no bro we're cool about that, now future you ii2 connectiing wiith me 2o ii can enter the game.

PCG: OH YEAH?

PTA: yeah 2o thank2 for that fiive hour2 iin advance.

PCG: THIS IS BS ISN'T IT.

PCG: TROLLING ME FROM THE FUTURE, HOW JUVENILE CAN YOU GET.

PTA: no man iit2 true, we are bulge bumpiing pupa pal2 agaiin.

PCG: OH FUCK THIS CONDESCENDING FUTURE KNOWITALL ACT, WE AREN'T BUMPING SHIT, YOU ARE SO BANNED.

PTA: nooooooo, not the ban, it buuuuuuurn2, oh god hahahaha.

PTA: waiit.

PTA: oh god.

PTA: iit doe2 burn.

PTA: 2omethiing'2 wrong, iim 2eriiou2!

PTA: that horriible p2ychiic noii2e

PTA: the voiice2

PTA: they're all goiing two diie

PTA: oh 2HiiT iim bleediing

PTA: 2hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

PTA: thii2 ii2 bad

PTA: ii have two get her iin quiick

PTA: got two go

PCG banned PTA from responding to memo.

PCG: AND SO THE PORCINE HOOF BELONGING TO THE SWOLLEN HAG KNOWN AS LADY DESTINY HAS STOMPED ANOTHER THROAT.

PCG: WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS IS NEXT?

PCG: NOBODY???

PCG: OK, GOOD.

PCG: ALTHOUGH I'M FAIRLY SURE I REMEMBER SOMEONE ELSE CHIMING IN BEFORE I CLOSED THIS MEMO.

PCG: YOU ADD DISORDERED SHIT RINSERS CAN'T KEEP YOUR LASCIVIOUS PRONGS OUT OF THE ROE HOLE, CAN YOU.

PCG: SOLLUX, FOR FUTURE REFERENCE, OR PAST REFERENCE OR WHATEVER

PCG: IF YOU WANT TO DO THAT KIND OF ROLEPLAYING, YOU CAN START YOUR OWN BULLETIN.

PCG: YOU CAN ALL ACT LIKE BRAINDEAD ASSWIPES IN YOUR OWN FESTERING FLAP OF PARADOX SPACE, FINE WITH ME.

PCG: EVERYONE WILL BE SO CONFUSED BY THE TIME PARADOXES, IT WILL DISTRACT THEM FROM HOW AWFUL THEIR TERRIBLE HOBBIES ARE.

PCG: CHOOSE YOUR CLASSES NOW! LEVEL 69 NOOKSNIFFER IS UP FOR GRABS, WHO WANTS IT.

PCG: NO THAT'S NOT AN INVITATION FOR YOU FUCKING NERDS TO COME IN HERE AND CORRECT ME ON YOUR GODDAMN FAIRY ELVES.

PCG: JUST DO ME A FAVOR AND KEEP ME BANNED FROM THAT ONE OK.

PCG: I'LL RETURN THE FAVOR IF YOU NERD UP MY MEMOS, I SERIOUSLY CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MANY FUCKING NERDS ARE ON THIS TEAM.

PCG: JUST REMEMBER THIS IS MY PERSONAL PODIUM, A STUMP IF YOU WILL, FOR SOLE USE BY ME AS LEADER FOR IMPORTANT LEADERSHIP BUSINESS.

PCG: GOT IT?????????

FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 612 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.

FCG: GROAN.

FCG: THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.

FCG: WHAT WAS I EVEN THINKING.

PCG: STFU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PCG banned FCG from responding to memo.

PCG: OK, I'M FED UP WITH THIS MEMO, GONNA CLOSE IT OUT.

PCG: YOU'LL HEAR FROM ME AGAIN LATER WHEN I GOT SOMETHING ELSE TO SAY, I.E. JUST SCROLL DOWN YOU DOUCHE.

PCG: IT'S ALL RIGHT THERE ALREADY.

PCG: BECAUSE OF

PCG: TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVEL!

PCG: I KNOW, RIGHT?

PCG: ANYWAY, JUST TO REITERATE:

PCG: FULL STEAM AHEAD

PCG: LEADER = ME FOREVER, OBVIOUSLY

PCG: PEACE THE FUCK OUT DBAGS

CURRENT centaursTesticle [CCT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCT: D --> I'd like to add to this useless memorandum

CCT: D --> That I still don't recognize the validity of your leadership

PCG: SWEET MOTHER GRUB'S OOZING VESTIGIAL THIRD ORAL SPHINCTER.

PCG: HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE BE SO STUPID.

CCT: D --> It may be true that we are all playing in the same session, but I see no reason to disband the former power structure

CCT: D --> Especially if it means instituting a tactical midget with a short fuse, a foul mouth, and paralyzing insecurity over the color of his b100d

CCT: D --> That's all I have to say

PCG: OH I HAVE A SHORT FUSE! THAT'S VERY FUNNY, YOU CAN ALMOST HEAR ME LAUGH OVER THE SOUND OF THE ROBOT YOU ARE PROBABLY BEATING TO DEATH.

PCG: OR DOING WORSE TO.

PCG: HEY, YOU DO KISS YOUR ROBOTS, RIGHT?

CCT: D --> Uh

PCG: MIGHT AS WELL CLEAR THE AIR AS LONG AS WE'RE BROADCASTING THIS ACROSS THE ENTIRE SPACETIME CONTINUUM.

CCT: D --> Not usually

PCG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

PCG: THE FUNNY THING IS IN THE FUTURE EVERYONE WILL RECOGNIZE ME AS THE UNDISPUTED LEADER, EVEN YOU.

PCG: YOU WILL BE STANDING ON THE TIPPYTOES OF YOUR IDIOTIC METAL SHOES, TAKING DELICATE PURCHASE OF MY NUBBY HORNS AND HOISTING YOURSELF OVER MY HEAD TO PUT YOUR SWEATIEST TOUGH GUY SMOOCH UPON MY TWITCHING SPINE LUMP.

PCG: IT WILL BE TENDER AND DEFERENTIAL, LIKE A PAUPER KISSING A NOBLE'S RING.

PCG: JUST SCROLL DOWN, READ THE LOGS.

CCT: D --> Nowhere have I seen evidence of this

CCT: D --> Most of this is you from various points in time raving about nonsense and arguing with yourself

CCT: D --> Do you realize that here in the future, this bulletin has come to be regarded as something of a joke

CCT: D --> A lengthy piece of comedy, often quoted amongst ourselves in private moments of levity

CCT: D --> It seems I'm the one to inform you of this up front

CCT: D --> Which is likely why you persist with the ingratiating charade against better judgement

PCG: YOU'RE GETTING OFF ON THIS AREN'T YOU

CCT: D --> What do you mean

PCG: THIS EXCITES YOU, BEING THE TOUGH GUY AND PRETENDING LIKE YOU'RE PUTTING THE AWESOME LEADER IN HIS PLACE.

PCG: YOU'RE PROBABLY WORKING UP A GOOD SWEAT.

PCG: HOPE YOU ALCHEMIZED A BUNCH OF SPARE TOWELS.

PCG: HEY WHY DON'T YOU && THEM WITH YOUR SPONGEY BRAIN FOR EXTRA ABSORBENCY.

CCT: D --> How do you know about my perspiration problem

CCT: D --> I mean, aside from reading about it in this memo

CCT: D --> Wait

CCT: D --> Fudgesicles

PCG banned CCT from responding to memo.

PCG closed memo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[mybrokenveins3000]

I’m starting uni in just over 2 weeks too! How are you feeling about it? You probably get that question a lot, I know I do, I usually just say I’m excited but a bit nervous because explaining how I’m really feeling is too much haha. I’d love to hear how your really feeling about it though, I feel like it would be nice to hear someone else’s experience even if it’s just to remind anyone else going that we’re in the same boat :)

HELLO HI thank u for. talking to me, it's really nice to know i'm not alone out here on tumblr/the world :,) NOW get ready for an unnecessarily long + personal answer bc i love to talk 😀👍

ok so i'm in a bit of an interesting position because i took a gap year. sixth form burnt me out academically and emotionally so i knew i had to do something else for a bit to fall back in love with the idea of being student. AND I HAVE!! so like you, im immensely, immensely excited.

one advantage of doing this is that i got to watch my friends and how they got on in first year. i'm feeling quite confident because of how much i observed and learnt, how to avoid making mistakes/what mistakes i'm inevitably going to make. im quite lucky, im comforted by the fact that i already know a few people there bc i deferred, but im also able to make new friends. sorry, this answer is so niche and specific atm ANYWAYS I DIGRESS.

but like you, i'm so nervous. i cannot contain how genuinely terrified i am, the idea that MY WHOLE LIFE AS I KNOW IT is completely changing — im actually gonna shit myself. like this year i really got to a position where i really like myself, i feel on top of the world because i feel like i know myself and how my life looks like, WDYM THATS ALL GOING TO CHANGE. oh, the dread i feel when my parents with drive back home without me. i've really learnt to love so many things abt my pre-uni life as well, i wish i could set up myself up to not have my heart break, but that's inevitable and SCARY.

it's all so close as well, i think about what my life will look like in two/three weeks and i see nothing? in the least fatalistic way. it's both a comfort and a nightmare.

i'm moving from a small town to a big city (such a cliché), so of course i'm like. 🎶JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRLLL, LIVIN IN A LONELYY WORLDD🎶 excited, i feel like my life is expanding outward like a galaxy and that the next three years are a blank canvas for me to do whatever the fuck i want with, be whoever i want to be, study what i LOVE (english lit and film [ofc im doing film, reader in that fresher!ross oneshot is embarrassingly based off me]), take every opportunity that's available to me, do things i otherwise would never be able to do in this town. im so excited to meet new people and to talk (u can tell i like to talk 💀), it's just really nice to know i'm on the border of some of the best memories/most formative years of my life.

but im also grieving this idea of growing up. it will surely pain me to move all my stuff from my childhood bedroom to a new place, to not have my parents' cooking everyday, to come back an adult and be regarded to as an adult. ITS A REAL MIXED BAG. i dunno if any of this helps, im shitting it but i am so so so excited.

last thing i will say that might help anyone reading is that, hey, im a delusional girlie, i started a fanfic account of gods sake, so i tend to fantasise and fictionalise my life, have expectations on what my life or what this milestone should look like. eg. in uni i will find the love of my life and we will be together forever (exaggerated example but an example nonetheless) — im saying this more for me but the answer is to let go of expectations. operate on no plan. organise your academic life sure, but personal life wise, BE FREE! take every situation as it comes and don't give yourself a headache thinking too far ahead. from what i've heard and read, thats a big thing people in their twenties have to deal with, with some people having children, getting married, whilst others are job searching, still in school etc. ive only just turned 19 so that's far away from me atm, but it's just a good thing to remember that everyone's life is different, paced differently, and there's no fix structure anyone needs to follow.

that's about it, let me know your thoughts :,) sorry this was so long 💀 but thank you for asking that because i enjoyed answering 🫶🫶🫶 please know that you are not alone, if u need a friend during uni, theres a you-sized hole in my messages/asks inbox thats all for you.

[peterknopp]

Anxiety – My Story

Breath and catch a moment, one thing can lead to something more. Take another pill, this will heal your mind. Meds, I dunno what to think, will this thing help? Sugar coating seems to work for a while, but yet it is too sweet. Like a maze that leads to a dead end but has no start. “Shit, I digress” I say as I pour another drink. To those who are care free without a worry, I just don’t understand. How can you stop those edging thoughts, those odd small things that crop up out of what seems to be nothing …

My brain tries to beat me and trick me in this never ending game of theirs. Suddenly, I recoil, like a snail going back into it’s shell, “Oh, it’s only you” I say to Teddy, my beloved cat. A lovely tabby that I rescued two years ago from the shelter, he needed me, and at the time, I needed him. I cry into my pillow, as I grind the tablet into powder, I begin to feel the chill, the utmost mist that cools to the core. My nurse wants me to raise to 100mg of Sertraline, but I just can’t. I am OK with this one small tablet, I am not ill. Clean, must be clean. These compulsions rule my life, as if to say “You will never get better”. My henry hoover is good. It picks up dirt like nothing else; alas poor Harvey, be still. There is no threat but you bark anyway. Why? What do I need to do to please you? I’m raising you but you will never be a replacement of Bonnie. I have compulsions of checking windows so Ted won’t escape. He has done a runner before and has been lost. I couldn’t cope during that time. Why would my dear boy run from me??

Grind me down I swear to my voices under my breath. You will never rule me. They say to panic and my heart races; it feels as if I can’t catch but a moment from their silly rules. Merc, wake up! I open my eyes to see my mum standing in my room as per usual, every time I try to sleep. “You were shouting in your sleep” she said. I feel my face and wipe away a tear. It was a dream, amongst others I’ve had before. I must go out soon to walk Harley. Me and mum like to take to the beach as way back then so did Bonnie. Harvey is fascinated by the sea. He loves to run around on the beach and get stuck in the sand. Good times.. Beat me, grind me and take me to hell, I will survive. Anxiety almost ruined me; infecting my mind with vicious circles that spiral out of control. I sleep to avoid my mind. At least when I’m asleep; I feel no pain, no anxiety and finally have peace. I worry about the smallest of things nowadays, like what will Ted eat although I know full well he has food and water. What will happen to him? I question, without no context to the thought. Why can I not seem to think of a way out from these stupid little thoughts. I push them back but end up overwhelmed by the sheer nature of intrusive, and utmost negative pattens.

Trauma, I went through a lot of death growing up. I had no way of coping back then. I was brought up in a household where showing emotion was a bad idea. She nodded, as she mad notes. Counselling hasn’t always been useful but then, at times, all one needs is to open up enough to express concerns and thoughts, in a way that has a positive outcome. I never adjusted to feeling happy. Feeling as if I had no care in the world, but things are as best as they can be overall.As I was about to leave the counselling session, I heard two people talking in the corridor. Walls have ears you know, don’t they? I thought to myself as I left the room. Mum was waiting outside in the car for me. A familiar face, a loving lady, my brother and I were lucky to have been adopted by her. As I shut the car door she asked “how was it?”, Yeah it was fine I said. As we were driving away from the building, I said, anxiety ruined me, but I survive, mum agreed in a mumbled and oddly comforting way. She had to deal with the death of my dad back then and survived. During that time, I gave her a listening ear and looked out for her and my brother. Lean on the right person, hold their hands and forgive. Forgiveness is a good thing and a way to move forward in life. Why? Because you only live once, tread lightly, as your foot prints follow you in this world.

[writing-through-wonderland]

So I've started watching "The 100"

I'm almost done season 2. I started... yesterday. And while the show is definitely non-stop jaw drops I am quite torn. Because the be honest, the writing is a little lazy. But I suppose it is simply meant to be entertaining so I'm trying to overlook it. But... whoever wrote this did zero research as to how radiation works. This was going to be a quick rant but it turned into a whole thing for some reason? I dunno I have ADHD so I tend to digress and then have to add a bunch of notes and... yeah. Maybe I should make a side blog with that kinda thing? Anyway moving on. (See? Told you.)

Oh keep in mind I'm on season 2 our of 7. So. I don't know everything. This is just my point about the um... lack of realism involving the radiation situation.

WARNING

If you're watching this show just now and haven't made it beyond season 2, slight spoilers ahead. Not so much to the plot but the "scientific" workings. Though it may give some things away given that these "discoveries" are made via the plot itself.

Moving forward there may be some topics that can be a little frightening. Anything preceded by a "*" has a note at the end of this to help ease that a bit for ya. If you're someone who needs that, don't feel bad. Radiation is fucking terrifying. I'm also using this as a way for me to elaborate on some of the more blunt statements I'm making out of frustration.

You cannot become genetically immune to radiation, and *wearing a hazmat suit is not going to keep you safe. Radiation literally breaks every material it hits down on an atomic level. And with people, it changes your actual DNA. That's why deformities are common among survivors who have children. And while they did include this, they're claiming that only a few generations have gone by yet most of the people look *"normal" enough. And that the people who have been floating around in space somehow managed to develop this immunity via exposure to solar radiation? *We are exposed to that every day. And being in space for an extended period of time isn't going to do squat. Think of those who have spent years up there already. They're not going to go walking into the Chernobyl containment building and go for a stroll.

Radiation isn't some airborne gas or something. And the planet looking so lush, along with the fact that nature has taken back monuments that are easily recognizable. It's been 97 years according to the show! And the fact that the catalyst of everything was a bunch of nuclear bombs going off that caused so much damage that people evacuated the planet? Come on. The Chernobyl containment building is meant to last a minimum of 100 years.

That's another thing. How did they manage to organize and construct the (was it 12?) space stations before oh you know, dying? And then connecting them all in space? That's... possible but.. with how quickly they would have had to get those things in the air? I get that the disaster was an attempt made by some A.I to reduce population gone wrong and they were probably working on it as a precautionary thing but I'm getting the vague A.I from iRobot gone rogue vibe here. (Still on season 2 so I could be wrong on that anyway. I'm 2 1/2 episodes away from when they reveal this I only stumbled on the info early when trying to make sure I had the math on the timeline right. Oops.) So the tech is advanced but also the disaster took place in 2052. 31 years from now. I'm 31. Judging by the amount of progress the human race has made over my lifetime, I doubt we'll be there. What have we done? Made TVs cooler? Sure we probably could have gotten further if we were politically inhibited (that is a whole other rant right there) but... not that far. To develop an A.I that advanced by then? Nah.

All of these things are proof to my point though. Well, in a way. I'm gonna revise my original statement. Whoever wrote this did zero research about radiation before they started writing but clearly was made aware of a few problems along the way and scrambled a bit to correct that mistakes instead of starting over. Which makes me think this wasn't written in the style of stories like Attack on Titan.

The following is a spoiler for anyone who has only seen the anime and not read the manga. I originally put the keep reading break where the spoilers for this show would start but after weighing the simple fact that of the very few people who might see this more of them have probably watched Attack on Titan and if they have seen both care way more about that one. That's how as Scouts do it.

In which a beginning and ending came to mind. After which everything in the middle was meant to connect those things properly.

Anyway I think I've made my point. Albeit in a very disorganized fashion, after which I attempted to organize it while simultaneously paying attention to S2 Ep14.

Hazmat Suits: Hazmat suits can protect you for a time against certain, more realistic levels of radiation. For this show we're talking about a catastrophe that was worldwide and severe enough to trigger an evacuation of the planet. 97 years later without containment? Yeah no. Not gonna be enough.

Normal: I use the term normal as in someone who doesn't have any birth defects and defects by the medical definition as "An imperfection, anomaly, malformation, dysfunction, or absence; a qualitative departure from what is expected." Normal is a bullshit term. Okay moving on with my rant.

Solar Radiation Exposure: Please don't let that scare you by the way. I have a real phobia of radiation it's on the top three things that truly frighten me. I just know these things because I like to be educated on the things that scare me. Though the knowledge didn't really help ease my fear I also have this sadistic way of dealing with my fears by exposing myself to them. Probably from a need to feel less numb. I watch movies that I know will make me sad, too. (I know, I have a therapist, don't worry about it. I'm fine. When done properly my therapist told me this is actually a healthy way of dealing with things. And has instructed me on the healthy way of doing it.)

Chernobyl Containment: 100 years is more than enough. The purpose of the containment building is to protect the environment while they deconstruct what is now known as the sarcophagus. The area around it will always have contamination but it is at the point where it's relatively safe to spend a bit of time there with the proper lead protection. The contamination mostly soaked into the ground and killed the natural systems that connect one place to another such as roots of trees. It cannot go any further in lethal doses. We're fine. Promise.

[etheriumart]

In your opinion, why is Eclipse such a cool character

Ohhhh anon you have opened up a WHOLE can of worms that I'm not sure you're ready for, but you asked for it so I'm gonna infodump on you something stupid I hope you know!! You know how I am with alien characters, they're my fucking FAVE BROSKI

OKAY ANYWAY

Why is Eclipse such a cool character? Where do I even start, man, where do I even start. I have such a thing for antiheros, they just speak to me in a way normal characters don't. Like, Eclipse is supposed to be the bad guy, but the whole arc you can't help but root for him because of how outmatched he is, and how much he believes in his cause. At the end of the day he's just a confused teenager on an alien planet whose dreams and hopes for his future have been ostensibly crushed. He is a deeply sympathetic character, you can't help but feel for his plight.

He is an incredibly emotional being. Around the beginning of the arc, Black Death commands him to kill Shadow. However, since Eclipse is undyingly loyal to all the Black Arms, this extends to Shadow; he refuses to kill him and instead attempts to recruit him for their cause. Granted, the way he goes about it is kinda fucked up, yeah, but his childhood was severely abusive and he wasn't really taught how to like... talk to people? Anyway, I digress.

Eclipse is a deeply caring person. He is fiercely protective and nurturing to those he loves or views as family, as seen in the following page:

It doesn't really register for Eclipse that Shadow wasn't raised Black Arms like he was, he was raised Mobian, as seen in this page:

And despite the fact Shadow is the reason that Eclipse is the sole Black Arms left alive, (other than Shadow, of course) he is willing to give him a second chance to join him.

Let that sink in. Shadow took EVERYTHING from Eclipse without hesitation, and Eclipse is still willing to forgive him. In that page, he's fucking crying, for heaven's sake! He's deeply hurt that the one he considers a brother is willing to go so far to destroy everything he loves, and fights tooth and nail for his very life.

Eclipse was thrust into a losing battle from the very beginning. He never stood a fucking chance, but that didn't stop him from trying as hard as he could to keep his loved ones safe.

I dunno, I just find his character motives really interesting. Unlike Black Doom, Eclipse seems to have an emotional intelligence more akin to the Mobians. He loves and cares for the hatchlings in his care with a kind of intense ferocity that is hard to come by. Most of all, though, he just wants a brother.

That was all he really wanted.

[stephdrawsjohnlock]

why do you ship rimmer and lister? i don't judge you or anything (you should hear about some of my ships lmao) but i haven't noticed anything romantic between them? idk you don't have to answer this i'm just curious.

Hey Nonny!

No offense taken, and I'll try to be as respectful as I can in my reply as well!

Before I begin, let me ask you, without malice: Why do you ship what you ship? Does it matter if it's canon or not? Is it because it makes you happy, or is it because the dynamic intrigues you, or maybe you're using a character as a placeholder for yourself to help understand your own trauma? There's a plethora of answers here that honestly is different for each individual, and really there's no "right" answer.

There are people who ship Kryten and the Cat, or Mycroft and an umbrella, or Anderson with Sherlock, or Snape and Sirius... I personally don't get any of the ships, but they're not my 'ship, and really, not my place to shit on it. Shipping just makes fandom a bit more dynamic and interactive.

The short answer to your question, for me anyway, is because it gives me hope, as do all my current ships. I'm an older cusp millennial, and I haven't had a serious relationship ever in my life. A commonality with all my ships, I've discovered, is that I have a "placeholder" character that I relate to, and in turn it just... makes me feel like there is still someone out there for me, that I'm not to old to find someone to share my life with; A John to my Sherlock. A loveably annoying life partner Lister to my grumpy, "unloveable" neurotic set-in-my-ways Rimmer. A smitten Crowley to my fussy Aziraphale. It's literally as simple as that for me on a personal level. AND because I like the chemistry of the characters interacting, and I like how other authors interpret that dynamic.

Canon-speaking though, a lot of my ships do come about if I feel that, in-canon, it could be a very real possibility and if their chemistry feels right to me. I explained it a bit more in-depth in the description box of this art-piece here, but the long short of it is "they're stuck in space forever, as life partners, and you can see the growth of their relationship over 30 years." Binge Series 1 all the way through to 13 (The Promised Land), and you'll see a dramatic difference from Rimmer/Lister S1E1 and Rimmer/Lister S13 TPL. Maybe I'm looking too much into it, but the post-Ace era episodes are especially kind of... married couple-ish? I can't really explain. There's a few scenes where you'll see Rimmer and Lister walk off together, or share an inside joke at the expense of another character, or Lister will be so DONE with Rimmer but still put up with him anyway after Rimmer "apologizes" in his own way, LOL. Also:

They have a ship the size of a small city, and even when Rimmer came back in series 9, they still shared a room. I KNOW in sitcoms it's fiscally better to keep sets to a minimum, but they... I dunno could have shown Rimmer and Lister in separate rooms at any time.

In fact, the one SINGLE TIME they did split rooms pre-Starbug/Post-Starbug, in "ME SQUARED", when Rimmer got annoyed with himself... He went RIGHT back to share a room with Lister again, so the "minimal sets" thing get rendered moot... "Me Squared" is the last episode of the first season... when they would have known if their budget got slightly bigger and they could have made them in separate rooms. But nope. 11 seasons Sharing the same room?

PLUS The argument could then ALSO be made that The Cat could then share a set room too... but nope. OH and Kochanski as well... to be fair their time on Red Dwarf together was in prison, but I digress. So yeah, sharing a bunk room on a ship the size of a small city? Seems sus, LOL.

"STOKE ME A CLIPPER", it was Dave who encouraged Rimmer that he could be more, and kept Rimmer's secret when he left, not even confessing to Kochanski what happened to Rimmer.

In the episode "BLUE", Lister literally pines over Rimmer for the entire episode, to the point where Lister dreams about kissing Rimmer.

"FATHERS AND SUNS", Lister makes a true effort to take Rimmer's advice and to be a better father to himself. I know it's a stupid little thing, but it's evidence that Dave does take things Rimmer tells him to heart even when they bicker, and it ends terribly for them, but there you go LOL.

"ENTANGLED", it's explicitly stated that Rimmer literally cannot survive without Lister, since Holly is no longer running the ship. They're essentially tied together until Dave finally dies for real.

"M-CORP", I personally feel like it was Rimmer who was the most determined to get Lister back. Maybe I'm biased because Rimmer is my fave character, but I dunno, that's the vibe I got from it.

"THE PROMISED LAND" is the most telling for me, and conveniently the most recent episode... It was the "Sun and Moon" convo for me that renewed my love for their dynamic. Lister sincerely told Rimmer that he needed Rimmer in his life, and Rimmer took it to heart, AND they don't make a "no homo" joke about it later on. It was lovely to me.

There's a tonne more that I personally see probably because of shipper goggles, but what do I know, LOL. I will give that to you, that in earlier episodes it is harder to see, but I promise, binge the whole thing as one and you can see them already growing on each other by series 2.

If not a ship, I've ALWAYS seen them as each other's best friend since at least series two. Both know more about the other than any coworker/room-mate should, and thirty years on, especially after Rimmer returns, it just seems they've softened each other's edges and made themselves a family. At the very least it's a nice "found family" trope, given how fucked up Rimmer and Lister's past lives were.

ANYWAY, SORRY, I rarely get to talk about Red Dwarf, so thank you for the opportunity!

The TL;DR of this is: I ship them because I'm an old romantic sap who ships other old idiots because they make me happy and hopeful for my own future, AND because I love the chemistry my ships have with each other. Simple as that! <3

Hope that answers your question, and thank you for asking it :)

[www-artforoddballs]

Alright, so notice. Most of you probably know this, since you're following me for the Autistic Levi stuff (thank you, we're closing in on 100 followers!!!!), but people with autism can have "tantrums". I've kinda touched on this in a previous post (it's a full meltdown, but you can see that post here https://www-artforoddballs.tumblr.com/post/644803780958879744/autistic-levi-angstkinda-i-guess-this-is-him). For those of you who DON'T know, an autistic tantrum is not the same thing as what you'd think of in regards to a toddler or kid, it's just the word used for it. This is a mistake my mother and I made when getting the paperwork done while I was going through testing that later got cleared up lol

I had a tantrum yesterday, and so I figured that I could post about Leviathan having a tantrum, since it's still ready on my mind. I don't care if anyone else is proud of me for coping with it as well as I did, since it's a major improvement from last time I had one, but I am proud of myself!...with that in mind, here we go!!

There will be some angst in this post, like the last post in relation to this one, but like the last post, it turns out fine.

However.

Trigger warning for things such as self harm, both physical and verbal. If you or a loved one is self harming, either reach out to someone for help or reach out to that person to help, yeah?

OK on with the post.

-------------

First of all, Levi's autism is part of why his brothers always agree to help when there's a raffle for tickets or something like that on the DDD messages, because he can get overwhelmed if they don't at least help, even if he doesn't win in the end.

They figured out that his autism was the culprit for this shortly after his diagnosis.

Now when I'm writing for Levi, I like to think that his diagnosis was around the early 1990s since, while autism was a separate diagnosis in 1980, it didn't really start becoming fairly accepted and expanded upon until 1987. Hence why everyone is mostly used to it by now, but are still sometimes off put by his odd behavior; for them, as beings that have been around since...the beginning of the universe, pretty much as far as we know, but for at LEAST since humans were around (so at VERY least 2.5 million years now, but potentially up to around 7 million years (if they haven't been around since the beginning of creation)), this would be like...I dunno, give me a second.

Waiting

Waiting...

Okay, so from 1990(earliest year I have in mind) to 2019 (the year it was released) is 29 years. That's a minimum of 1/86,206.89th of their lifespan, and a maximum of 1/475,862,068.96th of their total lifetime.

So this is a VERY recent development for them on the grand scheme of things, but I digress.

So they're still figuring everything out, especially as the human race continues to learn about the condition itself.

So the first time Levi threw a tantrum and they recognized it for what it was...it was certainly interesting.

What had happened was exactly the situation described; Levi had wanted to go to a concert in the human world and they were raffling off free tickets. Except, unlike now, his brothers hadn't offered their support. They hadn't in the past, why would this time be any different?

Except now they viewed it through a different light. Leviathan had an image in his head that he desired so badly and had asked his brothers to support him, hopeful, only to be rejected at every turn. That he was used to, but it was still upsetting.

He put that to the side, though. He really wanted to see this band, and these were VIP tickets where you got to hang out with the band for a few hours after the concert! They'd cost a LOT of human money, and while they COULD afford it, he knew Lucifer would be bringing hell down upon him if he used that amount of family funds on a concert. And his anxiety was already somewhat raised, so he decided to enter the raffle on his own.

He sat there for hours, waiting for the results to come in. He'd hyped this up in his brain the entire time; He'd win, go to an amazing concert, have dinner with the band, maybe even make some friends....!...and then the results came back. He hadn't won.

As per usual, our snek boi went into one of his rants about how unfair it was, but instead of going on a rampage or something like that, locked himself up in his room and cried, hating himself for getting so excited over nothing.

As I mentioned before, I've made another post about a tantrum/getting too overwhelmed slipping into something even more dire, as that's almost always what happens to me. This would be in the 90s, so this would be their first real incident with one of these moments where they had the proper diagnosis, so bear with me, there will be some angst here, but like the other post, it'll be fine.

So Mammon ends up feeling bad for rejecting his little brother, and, not knowing it was too late, decided to go to his room and offer his support. It was almost Leviathan's birthday anyways, and Mammon knew how rejection felt and how much it sucked. So, he knocked on Leviathan's door.

No response. He knocked again...still no response, but a quiet sob.

Right away, Mammon switched from semi-carefree to worried. "Levi...?"

Again, no response. He decided to just go in and check on his brother...

The door was locked. And he smelled blood.

"Leviathan, I need you to open the door," Mammon said with a half hearted chuckle, his voice now becoming slightly strained. "Because if ya don't, I'm gonna have t' break the door down."

"Just go away!" Leviathan cried from inside his room. "Just leave me alone, you jerk!"

"I ain't goin' anywhere. Either open the door or I'm gonna break it down. Those are your two choices."

A moment of silence, before Mammon sighs, stretching, as he transforms into his demon form.

"Alright, option two it is."

He rammed into the door repeatedly, before the wood finally splintered and fell to the ground with a loud thud. Mammon quickly looked around, eyes widening as he saw Leviathan digging his own sharpened nails into his arms, multiple raked wounds, made by the same culprit, carved into his skin.

"Levi...look at ya..." Mammon said, voice faltering, tears welling up in his eyes. "I...how long has..."

"Just shut up! Don't act like you care about me, I'm the freak of our family, remember?! I'm the one whose brain isn't right, I'm just a shut-in, good for nothing, re-!"

He was quickly cut off by Mammon going to him and hugging him.

"I don't care who you are. You talk about my brother like that again and I'll kill you. Alright? You're a little off, but you ain't a freak, and your brain works just fine as is. You're perfect just the way you are, and if anybody else says any different, I'm gonna beat them the fuck up. Including you. Got that? So what if you've got that fancy lable on ya now...? Labels like that matter, but it didn't change ya. You're still my cringe, annoying as hell little weirdo of a brother...and I wouldn't have ya any other way."

Leviathan fully listened to Mammon talk, before clinging to him, breaking down sobbing again, and trying to explain what happened through his tears, the older demon gently rubbing his back and allowing him to cry it out, making sure no more harm was done.

A while later, once Levi had calmed down, Mammon ruffled his hair.

"Let's get you cleaned up, yeah? Lucifer is already gonna kill me for breaking your door, but he'd be even more pissed if I just left you here with those wounds."

So they did. And Mammon, after telling a VERY angry Lucifer what had happened hours later, had surprisingly NOT gotten chewed out by the eldest brother. Instead, that day, the entire family had a long discussion, and they all agreed that if it was something as small as entering a raffle, or even if it was bigger but not an inconvenience to anyone in the slightest, they'd all help out from then on. It's not like it was hard, and it would save Levi from hours of stress and negativity toward himself and others around him.

They also made a plan for if a tantrum were to happen while someone was around, or if he became too overwhelmed and started to spiral...because, as annoying as he could be, Leviathan was still family. And they loved him, oddities and all.

---------------

Alright, so...that was the post! I hope it was okay. I know I've written about this type of thing before a little, but different situations can end up with the same negative outcome, like being in an overwhelming situation, or not being able to change your thinking and not easily being able to get over your expectations. I've personally suffered with both, and it's a regular thing for me, so I like writing about it, because maybe, just maybe, it'll help someone out, or help someone that isn't autistic understand a friend or relative or classmate or employee better. And I love these characters, I really do. The only ironic thing is that I see so much of myself in Leviathan, but I adore him and despise myself. Go figure 😂

Regardless, I hope you enjoyed, and if there's anything you guys have questions about (in regards to me and my experience), or any specific writing requests, asks are fully open!

Thanks so much for being here to support me, you have no idea how much it means to a little oddball such as myself.

[supercantaloupe]

okay yeah actually, i’ll bite. i’ve got some of my own thoughts about the unsleeping city and cultural representation and i’m gonna make a post about them now, i guess. i’ll put it under a cut though because this post is gonna be long.

i wanna start by saying i love dimension 20 and i really really enjoy the unsleeping city. i look forward to watching new episodes every week, and getting hooked on d20 as a whole last summer really helped pull me out of a pandemic depression, and i’m grateful to have this cool show to be excited about and interested in and to have met so many cool people to talk about it with.

that being said, however, i think there is a risk run in representing any group of people/their culture when you have the kind of setting that tuc has. by which i mean, tuc is set in a real world with real people and real human cultures in it. unlike fantasy high or a crown of candy where everything is made up (even if rooted in real-world cultures), tuc is explicitly rooted in reality, and all of its diversity -- both the ups and downs that go with it. and especially set in new york of all places, one of the most densely, diversely populated cities on earth. the cast is 7 people; it’s great that those 7 people come from a variety of backgrounds and identities and all bring their own unique perspectives to the table, and it’s great that those people and the entire crew are generally conscious of themselves and desire to tell stories/represent perspectives ethically. but you simply cannot authentically represent every culture or every perspective in the world (or even just in a city) when your cast is 7 people. it’s an impossible task. this is inherent to the setting, and acknowledged by the cast, and by brennan especially, who has been on record saying how one of the exciting aspects of doing a campaign set in nyc is its diversity, the fact that no two new yorkers have the same perspective of new york. i think that’s a good thing -- but it does have its challenges too, clearly.

i’m not going to go into detail on the question of whether or not tuc’s presentation of asian and asian american culture is appropriative/offensive or not. first of all, i don’t feel like it’s 100% fair to judge the show completely yet, since it’s a prerecorded season and currently airing midseason, so i don’t yet know how things wrap up. secondly, i’m not asian or asian american. i can have my own opinions on that content in the show, but i think it’s worth more to hear actual asian and asian american voices on this specific aspect of the show. having an asian american cast member doesn’t automatically absolve the show of any criticisms with regard to asian american cultural representation/appropriation, whether those criticisms are made by dozens of viewers or only a handful of them. regardless, i don’t think it’s my place as someone who is not asian to speak with any authority on that issue, and i know for a fact that there are asian american viewers sharing their own opinions. their thoughts in this instance hold more water than mine, i think.

what i will comment on in more depth, though, is a personal frustration with tuc. i’m jewish; i’ve never really been shy about that fact on my page here. i’m not from new york, but i visit a few times a year (or i did before covid anyway, lol), and i have some family from nyc. nyc, to me, is a jewish city. and for good reason, since it’s home to one of the largest jewish populations of the country, and even the world, and aspects of jewish culture (including culinary, like bagels and pastrami, and linguistic, like the common use of yiddish words and phrases in english colloquial speech) are prevalent and celebrated among jews and goyim alike. when i think of nyc, i think of a jewish city; that’s not everybody’s new york, but that’s my new york, and thats plenty of other people’s new york too. so i do find myself slightly disappointed or frustrated in tuc for its, in my opinion, rather stark lack of jewish representation.

now, i’m not saying that one of the PCs should have been jewish, full stop. i love to headcanon iga as jewish even though canon does not support that interpretation, and i’m fine with that. she’s not my character. it’s possible that simply no one thought of playing a jewish character, i dunno. but also, and i can’t be sure about this, i’m willing to bet that none of the players really wanted to play a jewish character because they didn’t want to play a character of a marginalized culture they dont belong to in the interest of avoiding stereotyping or offensive representation/cultural appropriation. (i don’t know if any of the cast members are jewish, but i’m assuming not.) and the concern there is certainly appreciated; there’s not a ton of mainstream jewish rep out there, and often what we get is either “unlikeable overly conservative hassidic jew” or “jokes about their bar mitzvah/one-off joke about hanukkah and then their jewishness is never mentioned ever again,” which sucks. it would be really cool to see some more good casual jewish rep in a well-rounded, three-dimensional character in the main cast of a show! even if there are a couple of stumbles along the way -- nobody is perfect and no two jews have the same level of knowledge, dedication, and adherence to their culture.

but at the same time, i look at characters like iga and i really do long for a jewish character to be there. siobhan isn’t polish, yet she’s playing a characters whose identity as a polish immigrant to new york is very central to her story and arc. and part of me wonders why we can’t have the same for a jewish character. if not a PC, then why not an NPC? again, i’m jewish, and i am not native, but in my opinion i think the inclusion of jj is wonderful -- i think there are even fewer native main characters in mainstream media than there are jewish ones, and it’s great to see a native character who is both in touch with their culture as well as not being defined solely by their native-ness. to what extent does it count as ‘appropriative’ because brennan is a white dude? i dunno, but i’m like 99% sure they talked to sensitivity consultants to make sure the representation was as ethical as they could get it, and anyway, i can’t personally see and glaring missteps so far. but again, i’m not native, and if there are native viewers with their own opinions on jj, i’d be really interested in hearing them.

but getting back to the relative lack of jewish representation. it just...disappoints me that jewishness in new york is hardly ever even really mentioned? again, i know we’re only just over halfway through season 2, but also, we had a whole first season too. and it’s definitely not all bad. for example: willy! gd, i love willy so much. him being a golem of williamsburg makes me really really happy -- a jewish mythological creature animated from clay/mud (in this case bricks) to protect a jewish community (like that of williamsburg, a center for many of nyc’s jews) from threat. golem have so often been taken out of their original context and turned into evil monsters in fantasy settings, especially including dnd. (even within other seasons of d20! crush in fh being referred to as a “pavement golem” always rubbed me the wrong way, and i had hoped they’d learned better after tuc but in acoc they refer to another monster as a “corn golem” which just disappointed me all over again.) so the fact that tuc gets golems right makes my jewish heart very happy.

and yet...he doesn’t show up that much? sure, in s1, he’s very helpful when he does, but in s2 so far he shows up once and really does not say or do much of anything. he speaks with a lot more yiddish-influenced language than other characters, but if you didn’t know those words were specifically yiddish/jewish, you might not be able to otherwise clock the fact that willy is jewish. and while willy is a jewish mythological creature who is jewish in canon, he isn’t human. there are no other direct references to judaism, jewish characters, or jewish culture in the unsleeping city beyond him.

there are, in fact, two other canon jewish characters in tuc. but...here’s where i feel the most frustration, i think. the two canon jewish humans in tuc are stephen sondheim and robert moses. both of whom are real actual people, so it’s not like we can just pick and choose what their cultural backgrounds are. as much as i love stephen sondheim, i think there are inherent issues with including real world people as characters in a fictional setting, especially if they are from living/recent memory (sondheim is literally still alive), but anyway, sondheim and moses are both actual jewish people. from watching tuc alone you probably would not be able to guess that sondheim is jewish -- nothing from his character except name suggests it, and i wouldn’t even fault you for not thinking ‘sondheim’ is a jewish-sounding surname (and i dislike the idea/attitude/belief that you can tell who is or isn’t jewish by the sound of their name). and yeah, i’m not going to sit here and be like “brennan should have made sondheim more visibly jewish in canon!” because, like, he’s a real human being and it’s fucking weird to portray him in a way that isn’t as close to how he publicly presents himself, which is not in fact very identifiably jewish? i don’t know, this is what i mean by it’s inherently weird and arguably problematic to portray real living people as characters in a fictional setting, but i digress. sondheim’s jewish, even if you wouldn’t know it; not exactly a representation win.

and then there’s bob moses. you might be able to guess that he’s jewish from canon, actually. there’s the name, of course. but more insidious to me are the specifics of his villainy. greedy and powerhungry, a moneyman, a lich whose power is stored in a phylactery...it does kind of all add up to a Yikes from me. (in the stock market fight there’s a one-off line asking if he has green skin; it’s never really directly acknowledged or answered, but it made me really uncomfortable to hear at first and it’s stuck with me since viewing for the first time.) the issue for me here is that the most obviously jewish human character is the season’s bbeg, and his villainy is rooted in very antisemitic tropes and stereotypes.

i know this isn’t all brennan’s fault -- robert moses was a real ass person and he was in fact jewish, a powerhungry and greedy moneyman, a big giant racist asshole, etc. i’m not saying that jewish characters can’t be evil, and i’m not saying brennan should have tried to be like “this is my NPC robert christian he’s just like bob moses but instead he’s a goy so it’s okay” because...that would be fuckin weird bro. and bob moses was a real person who was jewish and really did do some heinous shit with his municipal power. i’m not necessarily saying brennan should have picked/created a different character to be the villain. i’m not even saying that he shouldn’t have made bob moses a lich (although, again, it doesn’t 100% sit right with me). but my point here is that bob moses is one of a grand total of three canon jewish characters in tuc, of which only two humans, of whom he is the one you’d most easily guess would be jewish and is the most influenced by antisemitic stereotypes/tropes. had there been more jewish representation in the show at all, even just some neutral jewish NPCs, this would not be as much of a problem as it is to me. but halfway through season 2, so far, this is literally all we get. and that bums me out.

listen, i really like tuc. i love d20. but the fact that it is set in a real world place with real world people does inherently raise challenges when it comes to ethical cultural representation. especially when the medium of the show is a game whose creatures, lore, and mechanics have been historically rooted in some questionable racial/cultural views. and dnd is making progress to correct some of those misguided views of older sourcebooks by updating them to more equitably reflect real world racial/cultural sensitivities; that’s a good thing! but these seasons, of course, were recorded before that. the game itself has some questionable cultural stuff baked into it, and that is (almost necessarily) going to be brought to the table in a campaign set in a real-world place filled with real-world people of diverse real-world cultures. the cast can have sensitivity consultants and empathy and the best intentions in the world, and they’ll still fuck up from time to time, that’s okay. your mileage may vary on whether or not it’s still worth sticking around with the show (or the fandom) through that. for me, it does not yet outweigh all the things i like about the show, and i’m gonna continue watching it. but it’s still very worth acknowledging that the cast is 7 people who cannot possibly hope to authentically or gracefully represent every culture in nyc. it’s an unfortunate limitation of the medium. yet it’s also still worthwhile to acknowledge and discuss the cultural representation as it is in the show -- both the goods and the bads, the ethically solid and the questionably appropriative -- and even to hold the creators accountable. (decently, though. i’m definitely not advocating anybody cyberbully brennan on twitter or whatever.) the show and its representation is far from perfect, but i also don’t think it ever could be. still, though, it could always be better, and there’s a worthwhile discussion to be had in the wheres, hows, and whys of that.