#anyway. get ready for the vibe of a lifetime

[peachcitt]

it’s about to be june everybody :)

[thelov3lybookworm]

Belonging with them

Day 3: Belonging.

Summary: He knew where he belonged now.

•○●⛦●○•

Word Count: 1150

Warnings: azzie continues being jelly of kaden lolll

A/n: i love hazel sm yall dont get it 🥺 this fic is based on a short i saw on yt and the dad is like the biggest hunk and gave such cassian vibes and he genuinely cried 🥺 i was gonna write this fic for cassian but then i decided to give this to azzie cus he deserves to cry hehe

(if you dont know hazel and kaden, theyre from my mini series overprotective bat. it was a 2 part series which can be found on my azriel masterlist. all the fic in this week will be revolving around these two cuties hehe)

@azrielappreciationweek

ANYWAY ENJOYYYY 🥳

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"I don’t really know where I fit in anymore."

"I’ve been alive almost five and a half centuries and I’m not sure of that, either."

The day he had said those words to Feyre seemed like a lifetime away, as if experienced in a dream centuries ago when he was younger and could not differentiate between reality and what his brain had conjured up. But he knew, it had merely been five years.

The five years he had cherished the most in his life.

He loved his family. He adored the way Rhys and Cassian bickered during their annual snowball fight, the way Amren found a way to slide in a snide remark at every dinner, the way Mor would always be ready to go partying. Above all, he adored how all his family including the Archeron sisters would be ready to help him and be there for him any day. Even in the middle of the night when he did not want to wake up his wife but knew he needed someone to help him with his crying daughter.

But… they did not complete him. He loved them to bits and would readily give his life for them… before he met his now wife and decided she was the one he would spend his life with, mating bond be damned. He had lost all hopes of finding his mate back then after waiting for five centuries.

Imagine his shock when on their wedding day, he felt another thread of gold tying him to his wife.

Now as he sat watching his daughter pet a purring Nuts lounging on the low table in front of him while explaining to him how tea was made, he smiled.

He had found his place of belonging. And it was with his wife and daughter.

Of course, there had to be that boy trying to take his daughter away from him. What was his name? Kade? Kaden? Azriel thought bitterly.

He knew he was being dramatic. His daughter was barely four years at this point, no four year old was going to steal her away.

Hazel turned to Azriel, making him focus all his attention on her. He offered her a smile when she handed him a small pink cup.

"What is this?" He asked, bringing the empty toy to his lips.

She shot him an incredulous look. "It’s the tea you ordered daddy."

"Oh, yeah sorry, I was thinking about something."

She shook her head. "Stop thinking and focus, daddy. Kaden always pays attention."

Azriel stilled.

I am being compared to a four year old boy now? What has life come to.

He sighed, mumbling out an apology even though all he wanted to do was tell her to stay away from that boy.

He did not want to be forced to go apologise again.

She began fumbling with the littered toys on the desk once more, completely ignoring Azriel in favour of mumbling instructions to Nuts, as if teaching him how to cook.

As he watched her move over to the huge armchair and place a cup on it, conversing with what Azriel could only hope was not spirits of the deceased, his curiosity peaked.

Maybe it was a bad idea, but he needed to make sure that she was not getting overly friendly with Kaden.

"Hazel, this tea is amazing." He waited till she giggled before continuing. "By the way, how’s school?"

It was daycare to help her get accustomed to going to school next year, but Hazel insisted she was a big girl and attended big girl school.

"It’s fine. Miss Black gave me a gold star yesterday because I helped her." Hazel was focused on the air she was stirring in her red pot as she talked, lips pursed slightly in concentration.

"Hmm. Who’s your best friend?"

Please don’t say Kaden. Not Kaden. Please.

She turned around to glare at him, and he wondered if by any chance he had said the words aloud. But he knew he hadn’t. Azriel wouldn’t let himself speak without permission from himself.

Her brows bunched up, lips pouting and eyes narrowed, she looked as offended as an old grandma being told her grandchild was full and did not want more food.

"Daddy, it’s you. You’re my best friend." She rolled her eyes.

Azriel watched. He simply watched her return back to stirring her pot.

Cassian had been the one to teach her the eye rolling. Azriel had been amused. Seeing a child barely reaching his knees roll her eyes at him like she had lived five lives was nothing short of funny.

But right now, it felt anything but.

It’s you daddy.

His eyes were prickling, that was his first conscious thought after long moments of silence in his head. His vision was getting blurry, throat clogging. Tell tale signs of a sob session oncoming. But he could not bring himself to care as he stared at this little faeling, who did not even realise what she had done.

You’re my best friend.

Azriel simply sat back against the couch, the cushions pressing against his bare back, and let the tears have their way on his skin.

I’m her best friend.

Even despite the emotions Hazel had brought forth, somewhere in the back of his mind Azriel was rejoicing that her best friend was not Kaden.

Guess I’m never beating the territorial illyrian accusations.

The shadows settled down on his shoulders, swirling softly against his skin as they too watched Hazel play and pet Nuts occasionally. They did not inform him of his wife’s arrival in the living room. They did not have to. He simply felt when her presence was near. The all consuming feeling of love growing stronger in his chest being another indicator.

"Hazel, it’s bath time baby. Let’s go."

Hazel huffed as if what Y/n had said was the most outrageous thing ever. "Mommy, I can’t leave yet. There are customers."

Azriel practically felt his wife’s eyes narrow. "Daddy can attend to your customers."

Hazel turned to look at Azriel pleadingly, her eyes wide and placating before they filled with shock. "Daddy why are you crying!"

Y/n drew closer. "Azzie?"

Azriel blinked, smiling up at his wife before picking up his daughter. "It’s nothing. Just some dust."

Hazel turned to scowl at Nuts. "I told you to clean up properly. Now see, because of you my daddy is crying."

Azriel huffed out a laugh, pressing his lips to her round cheek.

"Let’s go shower baby. I’ll even get your toys, yeah?"

Azriel’s gaze swung to Y/n at the end of his sentence. She gave him a knowing smile.

"Can Nuts come too? Please daddy, mommy!"

"Fine, but no splashing." Y/n pointed a finger at the father-daughter duo, eyebrows raised.

Hazel had begun to whine, but even she knew not to argue when mommy was serious.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

Permanent Taglist: @berryzxx @sarawritestories @milswrites @throneofsmut

@daycourtofficial @sweetorangeblossom @secret-third-thing

Acotar Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686

@cassie6392 @kennedy-brooke @tele86 @miluiel1

@hnyclover @minnieoo @sidrapotter @piceous21

@mybestfriendmademe @saltedcoffeescotch @lady-of-tearshed @starsinyourseyes

@starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium @byyalady

@lilah-asteria @girlswithimagination @garden-of-runar @girlswithimagination

@sunnyspycat @artists-ally @milswrites @kingdomofstarrynights

@berryzxx @buttermilktea11 @loving-and-dreaming @yucanbmylxdy

@mellowmusings

Azriel Taglist: @darthdumbasss @foreverrandomwritings @azrielsmate3 @celestialend

@stqrgirlies-blog @tele86 @bakananya @xyzmeh

@st4r-girl-official @caraaaaugh @nacho-nat @allllium

@fandomarchiveilyd @nickishadow139 @angel-graces-world-of-chaos

@okaytrashpanda

[capquinn]

Bug and uncle Luke vibes

Jim and Cub vibes 🤭🤭

so true bestie. uncle lukey is such a kid at heart so he indulges bug's every whim. he's also that guy who just naturally migrates towards kids at parties and family events engaged in their silly conversations and games. in another lifetime he would've been a teacher <3

and there is nothing more cub-coded than this 😭😭😭😭 you and quinn thought it’d be a peaceful trip to the shops, leave the kids with their grandparents. what could go wrong? well...

Now, let’s be clear — Cub isn’t a naughty child. He’s the sweetest little guy you could imagine, polite, kind, always eager to help, and absolutely full of curiosity. It’s just that his energy knows no limits, and his curiosity is boundless. He’s not misbehaving, not trying to cause trouble. He’s just... exploring. He needs to touch everything, try everything, see how it works.

So when he stumbled across Bug’s paint set, well, it was only a matter of time before chaos unfolded. He’d been so into it, dabbing his little fingers into the colours, blending them together, and just having the best time — so lost in the textures of the paint — that it never occurred to him that maybe he should stop.

And Jim, having only been gone for a second, thought Cub was fine, sitting a few feet away. But when he looks down and sees his grandson sitting on the living room floor, absolutely covered in blue paint, there’s a flicker of mortification across his face before he laughs.

He’s raised three boys — equally rambunctious, equally curious — and honestly, this isn’t half as bad as the antics he dealt with when they were this small. So, even though Cub looks like a tiny, paint-covered disaster, Jim can’t help but love it.

Cub, of course, is smiling up at Jim, not even noticing the paint all over his little body, grinning ear to ear, completely content with his artistic endeavours. He has no idea why his grandpa is laughing, but he’s happy to join in anyway, his little giggle filling the air.

Jim, still laughing and shaking his head in disbelief, picks Cubby up, paint smearing all over his shirt, and carries him toward the dining room to find Ellen. She’s sitting at the table, watching Bug quietly draw, completely absorbed in her own art but the moment she looks up and sees Jim, with Cub in his arms, both of them covered in paint, even she bursts into laughter.

Jim, still chuckling, shakes his head. “I looked away for two seconds,” he says through his laughter, holding Cub up as if the mess wasn’t already obvious.

Ellen just laughs again, pulling out her phone in one smooth motion and snapping a picture before sending it off to you and Quinn with the caption: Grandpa was supposed to be supervising... maybe he just likes blue?

Jim looks at the picture Ellen just snapped, shaking his head with a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. He glances down at Cub, who’s still grinning cheekily, completely unfazed by the mess of blue paint covering him from head to toe.

“Is that right, Cubby? You like the colour blue?” Jim asks, his tone playful, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

Cub nods enthusiastically, his little smile so wide it practically lights up the room.

“Uh-huh!” he says, his hands still sticky with paint as he tries to wipe them on Jim’s already-ruined shirt.

Jim chuckles and shifts Cub in his arms.

“Maybe you’re just getting ready to suit up for the Canucks one day, like your dad.” He pauses, glancing at Ellen with a smirk. “Though Quinn is gonna say I’m just trying to turn this into a team bonding exercise.”

Ellen laughs, her phone buzzing in her hand. She looks down at the screen, and as soon as she reads Quinn’s reply, she bursts out laughing again.

“What is it?” Jim asks, still bouncing Cub slightly, trying to keep him entertained.

Ellen holds up the phone, Quinn’s reply in bold letters: Tell Jimmy he’s out of practice. Can't handle one toddler?

[deesseshesca]

What truth must I accept to move on ?

What again ? No ! No ! No ! You swore it will be the last time…

Good night pretty souls, today we are checking on your situation. Why did it needed to happen ? How can you alchemise it ? 

Choose the image that’s speak to you and allow yourself to soak ONLY what’s reasoning with YOUR SITUATION 

Rules and Disclaimer 

I am the type of tarot reader to say as it is. Nothing is sugar coated but everything is sent with good intention. If you are not ready to face some truth, you should vagabond somewhere else. 

MINOR DON'T INTERACT WITH THIS POST 

MINOR DON’T READ THIS POST 

CHOOSE AN IMAGE 

PILE 1 

Ace pentacles, ace wands (reverse), page swords (reverse), chariot, 999

Good night to my type A people, welcome to your reading. So lately you have concocted the most perfect budgeting plan to attend to your goals in the most efficient and successful way. I am also getting that you brought cute little things to ensure to motivate you throughout this saving journey. You know you're going to need to make some sacrifice on the way. Which can be frustrating in summer, especially when you see everyone around you spending a bag. I want to congratulate you for the healthy mindset you have regarding your money. Most of you are saving for your first car or first apartment. Someother to fund a change of career, thinking of starting nursing school or just to survive college. While others are trying to start a side hustle like becoming a lash tech or a nail tech. While harboring this tunnel vision mindset, I'm getting that people around you are not very supportive. Going as far as mocking you. But the truth you must accept: the journey towards your goal will never go smoothly. Pile 2, you are the type to plan for hours down to the very second. Anticipating everything that can go right or wrong. And when it does not go your way, you say ‘’fuck it. It ain’t even  worth it anyway. If it was really meant to be it will be easy’’ BULLSHIT ! You are the problem. You are to focus by the end of the journey, that you forget that you have to walk through the journey. Not just fly to it. Sometimes on your path something might stings or feet might hurt. The real issue is that you are missing stamina and only want to feel good. Good job, you have your priorities straight. But girl, you ain't just saving for some Mcdonal meal or a new lip gloss. You want a car, a house, a new career. Since the goal is bigger it requires more sacrifice. Letting go now, wil be like taking a big ‘’L’’.Head up, discipline over motivation. Building muscle is hard and it takes time just like a habit. Plus you have to stop thinking that life is happening to you. Babygirl, everyone got issues, you are not the only. Imma touch your heart when I said this, you are not the strongest soldier, so pick it up and keep it pushing. Because this victim mentality is making you act sour with people around you. I’m afraid to announce it to you, but you are the bad energy, you are the negative vibes rn. Hold on, before you click off this reading after this beautiful drag (you must admit…) is you have too much potential. And is pissing me off that you are allowing it to slip away from your hands. You are capable of standing strong on your boundaries and to create an amazing plan. That’s some qualities one will take a lifetime to master and you are born with it. Don’t become forceful, be the amazing leader you are meant to be. Don’t give up ! You will be rewarded in your finances/career. Finish what you started. The worst is that you know all that already. What’s funny is that you keep saying you don’t care, but your mind screams for it, your soul keeps reminding you that it wants it and your pinterest ain’t giving up on the vision yet.  Do do everyone a favor and go get it.  Do a deep life clean so you can make room for some new energy. Reflect on your life choices.

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Super shy -Newjeans

PILE 2 

Death (reverse) , ace cups, magician (reverse), emperor

You were meant to read this. Now ! Right now is giving the biggest scam in history just like what’s happening in your life. I’m hearing the tiktok that goes ‘’ Ok now, where’s the camera now. I must be getting prank now’’. The reality…you don’t want to move on.  You yearn for a past that ain’t never coming back. You also don’t want to deal with anything that can trigger you. But you can’t claim you heal, if you have the same reaction when the universe sends you variation of the same problem. And isolating ain’t going to help your case. But the universe finally got the message. Lucky you, you are getting to send a friend. Someone that will bring the sun back into your life. That person will trigger you (in a good and necessary way ) and she will not allow you to sabotage the way of y’all friendship. I’m understanding : poor timing, don’t have resources, cocky, delulu, personality disorder, force = I think you are going to have a Karen moment in a shop close to your house. She is going to trigger a crisis in you. Instead of looking at you like you are crazy, like most people do. That person will play along. Y’all going to be 2 crazy bitches in the store. And instead of feeling cornered, you will weirdly feel valited because usually when you act out people call you crazy. You just found another crazy person. Everytime will go back into the store, she will always be there. You will try to avoid her , but nah she will jockly always go to you. That person will grow on you. I’m feeling the opposite aesthetic. I see her being a bimbo and loving it and you our little emo angel. Honestly, I fell in love with her energy while channeling her. I was trying so hard to stay serious but nah, I ended up having a dance break. How can u notlove her, she’s a sweetheart. Girl, you might THINK, that you ain’t doing enough. But your spirit guard, the universe, anyone that allows themself to see more than what you project and I can assure that you are on top of your game. Especially after everything you went through and put up with. Keep your focus and discipline. You got this babe ! I’m proud of you ! When you are ready, let go of the version of you that no longer serves you. You don’t need to pay the price of your mistakes. 

I’m hearing: ‘’ You deserve this friendship’’ 

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POP - NAYEON

PILE 3 

Knight swords, ace pentacles (reversed), seven cups, High priestess, 1313 

Everything was fine until it wasn’t. When did it all go so wrong? It happened so unexpectedly. The only thing left standing is your BFF/sister. You never thought life would take u off overnight. I’m hearing you failed some important exams or your parents are very good but they badly gambled the finances and you have to pay the price for it. The truth is … it is always in front of your face. It’s been a while that you have been seeing and feeling that your studying routine is not working for you. But prefer to pretend that is everything else but what’s ahead of you. You always had a feeling that your parents were awful with money but did not dare to try to know how badly. Is not too late…yet. For a while now you pretend to be happy. Thinking that the more you fake it, you will finally feel it. Now you are down bad emotionally. You never thought you would ever be there. Babe is the the time to give in into distraction. Now you need to pull the rag under your feet and face your fears. You want to know what happiness is really about. You know it is time to do some deep healing. To question your self belief. From the silliest question to the most disturbing. ‘’Is my fav color really red ? What do I actually think about the government ? ‘’ You need some shadow work. Is not the time to act, is the time pounder. Also is your life. Babe nobody is behind you. If you want to take 1 year or 1 month at the crossroad nobody is coming for you. As long as you are confident about your choice. Is time to start fresh ! Step out of your comfort zone. You will learn a new skill that will get you some abundance and recognition. Be confident and trust in your decision. 

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What is love - TWICE

[7ndipity]

Dating Jin headcanons

Seokjin x Reader

Warnings: swearing, teeny bit suggestive

A/N: More headcanons because they're fun and I can't sleep🤷. Working on these lists is making me so soft for the members all over again, it's crazy. Anyway, hope you like them!

Masterlist

Requests are open

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Dating Jin is like dating your best friend.

Cause, I mean, you basically are.

He is a hopeless romantic, in every sense of the phrase.

A Classic Gentleman. Opens doors for you, holds your hand on the stairs, shows up for your first date in a suit with bouquet of flowers(even though your just going to the fair or smth)

So awkward when you first start dating, his ears probably stayed red for a solid three weeks.

Does that blushy, flustered laugh thing anytime you complement him. Like yeah, he knows he's Mr.WWH, but hearing it from you just hits different, man.

He admitted before to getting so lost in daydreaming about his future s/o that he's burned food, and I think that would still happen(hopefully to a less severe degree) now that he has you.

Like, you'll be talking about something and look over at him, and he just has that distant look in his eyes. And you're like "Hello?" And he just blurts out something like "We should get a cat." "What?!"

You've heard his dad jokes, now get ready for the cheesiest, cringiest pick-up lines ever.

"I'm not a photographer, but I can picture me & you together." "Please stop." "Are you from Paris? Because Eiffel for you." "That doesn't even make sense!"

His flirt game is actually pretty good tho, he's just so nonchalant about it, that it tends to catch you off guard.

You:*walks in room* Him: "Wow." You:"What?" Him:"I just forgot how gorgeous you were."

Likes taking you on fancy dates, but usually prefers cozier, lowkey dates with you.

Like, one day he'll take you to the nicest restaurant in town, the next, he's dragging your ass to some lake to go fishing.

Cooking dates that start out pretty cute and sweet, but become increasingly unhinged as time goes on(there's a korean youtube channel TryToEat, that I swear is what he would be like)

Calls you things like 'Jagi' and 'Honey', as well as more weird, Jin-esque names like 'Bubble'(he thinks it's cute, just go with it)

Couples outfits that range from matching sweatsuits to those t-shirts that say "if found, please return to Jin" & "I'm Jin".(He claims it's for safety reasons because what if he loses you at the mall or smth?)

Y'all pick on each other constantly.

"You look like a Pokémon." "Big talk for someone built like fucking Dorito."

Like, you've seen him with Jungkook, he's a menace. But now, he's your menace. (Imma pray for you)

But he's the only one allowed to pick on you. Anyone else who tries is in for the cussing out of a lifetime.

House Husband Vibes.

Takes pride in looking after you, whether that's taking care of you when you're sick, or just making dinner on a random Wednesday. It makes him feel needed.

Speaks as if you're already married.

"Think about the kids." "What kids?!" "The cats!" "We don't have cats yet!" "Aha, yet! So we are going have some eventually!"

Has the tendency to finish every conversation by giving you a lil smooch. (Doesn't matter if he was talking to you or someone else, you're getting kisses)

Needy

Literally hangs off of you whenever he's tired or wants attention.

Long, drawn out kisses where he backs you against the wall or counter that can make you forget about anything else other than him.

Likes to lay on you rather than with you. Like, you are his favorite pillow, and he will whine if you don't let him have his pillow time, cause he's a dramatic mf.

"AGH, Y/N-AH LOVES ME NOT! HOW WILL I GO ON?!

The other members don't call him the actual maknae for no reason, he's kinda baby.

You're one of the only people who get to see his more serious sides though, however brief their appearances may be.

Argues with you over the dumbest shit, but avoids actually fighting with you like a plague.

Overall, he's very sweet though and would do anything for you. Idk, he's just so, 💞ugh, yeah Imma go now.

[ms-m-astrologer]

Transiting Neptune stations direct

Saturday, December 7, 23:43 UT, 27°08’ Pisces

As I wrote in my weekly forecast - I can’t always tell the difference between Neptune retrograde and Neptune direct! Maybe it’s because my natal Neptune is Rx in Scorpio, hidden in my 12th House? Or maybe my Gemini Sun never shuts off long enough?

Anyway, if you are sensitive to Neptune - if it’s in close aspect to the Sun, Moon, &/or an angle, in your birth chart; or if you have strong Pisces &/or 12th House energy - then you will feel this shift in the World Vibe. Neptune/Pisces goes with the flow (or drifts, when misused). The flow is moving outward now, like an exhale. Hoping with crossed fingers we all can feel more connected to one another and to The Cosmos.

This is also the beginning of the end of Neptune in Pisces, for in less than four months it will waft itself into the sign Aries. Here is what Neptune will get up to between now and its next retrograde station:

Sunday, March 30, 11:44 UT - transiting Neptune enters Aries. Not to stay, as it will dip back into Pisces one final time (in our lifetimes!), between October 22, 2025 and January 26, 2026.

Thursday, June 19, 03:20 UT - transiting Neptune/Aries square transiting Jupiter/Cancer, 2°06’. Can’t help but see this as a giant stop sign. “You aren’t really ready for Neptune/Aries yet.”

Friday, July 4, 15:44 UT - transiting Neptune stations retrograde, 2°11’ Aries. On the effing US Independence Day holiday, no less. After this Rx station, Neptune things get very active. Stay tuned!

[cabezadeperro]

hi there! 💖 for Cody/Fox if you’re vibing with it

unfortunately i am always vibing with cody/fox (also sorry i don't think this was what you asked for ahdghkhghkdhkgh)

post order 66, fox lives au & purge trooper!cody.

💖 rough kiss / hot and heavy / making out

---

“I thought you were dead.”

The shuttle rattles—they’re leaving atmo. Fox shifts his weight and says nothing. Cody scoffs and shakes his head. He’s still wearing most of his shell: the black plates reflect the red emergency lights, and so do his eyes, shining like twin flames in the dark. His hair is the shortest that Fox has ever seen, buzzed close to the skin, and he looks—sharp. Too thin, all his edges out there for the world to see.

His wrists are shackled together, the heavy handcuffs resting on his lap where he’s buckled to one of the jump seats. He seems perfectly unconcerned about his situation, and Fox can’t quite decide if it’s real or just for show. 

“I know,” he finally says. “It was on purpose.”

Cody blinks. Fox wonders: did he grieve? Did Cody grieve for him? The chip allows it—that’s not what it’s for. Grief isn’t useful.

“How?”

Fox shrugs. “Many people died in the last few days of the war,” he points out. 

“But not you,” Cody says. He sounds thoughtful. He’s not looking at Fox but at his own hands. 

The shuttle’s getting ready to jump. It’s an old model, with a boring transponder code. It has a crappy hyperdrive, a tiny fresher and a couple pull-down cots folded over the seats. The hold is full—mostly junk. Trinkets. Fox will find somewhere to sell them after he delivers Cody to the Rebellion.

He doubts he’ll see Cody again. Fox’s not welcome where they are going, and he dislikes spending time among birthers anyway.

Fox looks away. Six hours. These are the last six hours he’ll spend in Cody’s presence, and then he’ll—leave. He’ll leave Cody in his captain’s hands and then he’ll leave forever. 

It’s so strange. A lifetime in each other’s pockets, and then the war, and then this: sharing the relative quiet of a shitty, rattling old shuttle after the end of the world.

“Fox,” Cody says suddenly. Fox blinks and turns to look at him. Cody’s already staring at him: the dim light makes the bruises on his face look deeper, the blood on his chin seem black. “I think I fucking hate you.”

Fox snorts. It hurts, the laughing and the words. He leaves his place to the side, next to the door to the cockpit, and approaches his brother.

“You’re not the only one,” he tells Cody. Cody rolls his eyes, and it makes him look so—young, that for a beat Fox almost forgets himself.

“I’m glad you’re not dead,” he replies, and then leans back in his seat, a weird little smile on his face. Half smug smirk, half something else, both off and profoundly familiar.

He looks up at Fox, the lights sliding down his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose, legs sprawled. His boot knocks against Fox’s foot, once, twice, then stays.

“You may be the only one,” Fox tells him. 

This is a mistake—Cody’s brilliant and Cody’s ruthless.

Fox leans forward, places his hands on the armrests of Cody’s seat. The shackles clink. They are heavy, cumbersome things. Cody smells of blood and sweat and blaster discharge and melted plastoid. Fox breathes him in: he wants to open his mouth and let it all rest on his tongue, filling his brain.

He still kisses like he used to. Fox feels himself moan into his mouth, Cody biting at his lips and sucking on his tongue, straining against the buckles and the weight of his handcuffs. Fox allows it for long, long seconds—Cody’s breath on his lips and on his chin, the taste of him, the way he sounds.

It takes him longer than Fox expected. He tries to go for Fox’s blaster, Fox steps away, and then it’s back to sleep, Cody’s head lolling against the seat. Fox wipes his wet mouth, still breathing hard, his lips tingling, and puts away the injector. 

His heart is beating hard inside his chest, and he feels—Fox finds he feels worse now. He sits down on the jumpseat next to Cody’s, and when Cody’s head ends up resting on his shoulder he allows it.

I’ll miss you.

Fox leans his cheek on Cody’s shaved head, his growing hair soft against his skin, and closes his eyes.

[princesayumi4k]

⊹ ｡ ﾟ: ˖ NFSW headcanons are red, SFW headcanons are normal coloring!

She doesn't really have a "chill" relationship vibe. Which you could likely guess already. She will go above and beyond for you.

IMO, I feel like Himiko is pansexual, so if there isn't enough content for a certain gender I'm so sorry! (As a demigirl I try adding as much content with each gender representation as I can.)

She doesn't have sex often, but when she does it's a lot of BDSM. Bondage is one of the things she likes to do. She likes it rough, but if you need anything (like stopping) she will stop for you.

She isn't a fan of using knives during sex or using her quirk, she wants to have sex with you as Himiko and nobody else.

She likes to act like a silly middle school girl in love, she will write about you a lot and even write "Himiko + Your Name" on everything.

She has your marriage pictured perfectly in her head and everything.

She pays attention to things you seem to enjoy, for example, if you pointed a candy out saying how you liked it, she'd get a week supply for you - even a lifetime if they had enough in stock anyway.

(If you're a girl...) She loves doing your hair and makeup, when you have to do anything you can do one and she'll do the other so you can get ready faster. (She has 1A hair but for the curlier haired girls she learned how to do hair for your hair type!)

(If you're a boy...or have a penis...) She loves to suck you off, she isn't a huge fan of riding since she gets tired too easily when doing it and since she likes it rough she'll pass out every now and then. She usually sucks you off and bites on it while doing so, she refuses to deepthroat though. She just teases you since she likes to see you squirm underneath her mouth. (Bonus: if you're uncircumcised she likes biting under the foreskin.)

(If you're a girl...or have a vagina...) She loves eating you out, but isn't a huge fan of scissoring - which was a surprise for you when you two first had sex. You figured since she's so kinky she'd love any sex including scissoring but...no...? You don't mind though, the way she eats you out pays for it.

Squeaks/squeals every time you send a photo of yourself.

[ot3]

finishing up fionna and cake... overall it was a fun ride but i really don't think it worked structurally. 6/10 show. i didnt think this was gonna be a long post but apparently i've got some thoughts. sticking below the cut

this last episode is kind of underwhelming... theres a couple of parts in this ep where they just sit and explain to the camera how simon realized betty was constantly sacrificing her own desires for simon and how simon wanted to put on the crown because he thought he didn't deserve to live. and it's not like those are bad realization for the show to come to but the show has very clearly established that it's intended for a more adult audience than the original adventure time, and so this kind of writing just feels really condescending when not directed at literal children. like yeah we could have figured this out from the writing, but. you didn't have to just tell us

i also didn't vibe with scarab as a villain, he felt super arbitrary to me. like they needed Something to be forcing them to move between dimensions, but i feel like scarab was an extremely meh choice for that. he wasn't particularly funny or interesting enough as a character to get to be one of the only people who showed up in every episode. i honestly think it would have been better if the existential threat these characters were facing was more of a force than a character, because it was already running so tight on time anyway it didn't really have the space to develop a good villain.

gary and marshall's screentime was another thing that i felt like is a huge waste of space. them doing their whole meet cute bakery au romance is something that's funny on paper but it's not compelling on its own and the only slight interest it has comes from our pre-existing investment in marceline and bubblegum's much more interesting dynamic. it didn't add anything to the overall arc of the show and took up time that could have been used to deliver more solidly on the core premise.

fionna and cake themselves were really cute but i don't feel like fionna's arc was as strong as it could have been. like ohhh yay shes come to love her normal world with all its imperfections.... obviously thats where it was going the whole time and once again. its not like i mind that ending. i just feel like they didn't do anything interesting with it. her character doesn't get to learn and progress as much as she's just marching down a straight path that we all already knows where it leads. i wish they would have just called the show 'Simon' so i wouldn't have to feel so disappointed in this.

adventure time has always been on the cutting edge of bizarre stuff in animation so the biggest let down overall with this show is how much when you strip away the Adventure Time coating of surrealist visuals on top of it it just feels like any other middling adventure cartoon. it didn't lean enough into the episodic structure to benefit from that the way the original show did, and it was too beholden on the episodic structure to linger on any of the parts that were actually compelling.

overall, the show feels like pandering to the adventure time fanbase, but in kind of a lazy way. Compare this to the distant land specials which I think were pandering in an excellent way. im not anti pandering by any means. The whirlwind tour through universes and characters that lifetime adventure time fans will recognize tries to come off as a love letter to the series, but instead just comes off as the adventure time version of that 'rejected ready player one theme song' video. remember farmworld? remember prismo? remember the vampire king? remember shermy and beth? remember Up a Tree? like. yeah. i do remember. thanks. do you have anything to say about any of this stuff or - oh. no. just showing me. got it.

its not someting i think i'll ever rewatch but at just ten eps definitely worth one watch through. theres some really good fun to be had in it and the art is gorgeous all the way through, it just fails to come together into a successful complete work.

[eponymous-rose]

So I've been rewatching Star Trek: TNG as comfort TV during/post-move and just got to Yesterday's Enterprise, which I remember liking well enough, but man, it's really unusual in the context of the rest of these early episodes. For one thing, the violence shown is a lot more stark than we've seen in the show thus far - Riker with his throat cut, Captain Garrett with the metal shrapnel in her head, lingering close-ups on dead faces. It's dark and moody and the "happy ending" resolution (as far as we know at this point, anyway) is saving the few survivors of a brutal battle, patching them up, and then shipping them straight back into that battle to be killed.

Given the show's not-so-great track record with its female characters, it's weirdly refreshing that we get a re-do for Tasha Yar. And yeah, she falls in love with a dude and goes off with him on his ship, but she was ready to say goodbye to him and that would've been that - what finally prompts her to step willingly into the meat-grinder is the realization that she had an "empty death" (Guinan had some really raw lines in this one) in the other timeline, and that now her death can have some meaning. It's nicely done, if a bit of a self-flagellating "mea culpa" on the writers' parts.

The alternate timeline isn't the gleeful, campy evil of the Mirrorverse, it's just an exhausted grind through the final days of a losing war. Lots of little touches show how desperate things have become - Wesley's been fast-tracked to a full ensign, Picard is a tactician first and foremost (he takes officers' opinions under advisement, yes, but he's also keeping from them the inevitable, imminent surrender), the bridge is laid out so the captain is front and center with everyone else in the background. As a contrast with the actual Enterprise's chill 90s living room lounge vibe, it's pretty striking. It's like a sneak preview into the bleak and war-heavy sci-fi that would start saturating pop culture a decade or so later, and then it's a firm rejection of that premise - "This isn't a ship of war. It's a ship of peace."

I have a long, long history with TNG - DS9 is my favorite Trek on balance, but TNG is encoded in my DNA. From around ages 3 and 5, my brother and I were watching and rewatching TNG constantly. (My parents would laugh over the fact that my brother didn't know how to read yet but had memorized the episode titles of the first couple seasons.) We had pajamas. We scoured every garage sale and had a giant metal can full of action figures and phasers and tricorders and ships and even, shockingly, that transporter toy that made things disappear using mirrors.

The tactile experience of those toys is burned in my brain - the loose nacelles on the Enterprise model, the click of the left phaser button, the little hole at the bottom of the Borg cube that we once stuck a pencil in and had the tip of the graphite snap off and rattle around forevermore. My brother and I played incessantly with our action figures, to the point where most of them had the paint at least partially rubbed off - we created hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of new episodes over the years. The first time I ever used a touchscreen was at some sort of Star Trek exhibition in Canada in the early 90s that we stumbled across on our way to visit my grandparents.

I'm always fascinated by how kids interact with fictional media - my brother and I were so young, but we obviously knew Star Trek wasn't real. Except... I just always assumed that important people watched it, realized "well, that seems nice", and were actively working to make that future happen. I was (perhaps a little embarrassingly) older when I realized that no, we weren't gonna be out there on science missions to the stars during my lifetime. At least, not in an Enterprise kind of way.

At any given time, there's just this Star Trek filter over how I experience the world - when I got to go to college thanks to scholarships, I had that weighty feeling of responsibility and awe that came with daydreaming about Starfleet Academy. I saw my career shift from the gold of engineering to the blue of science to the red of command. And the older I get, the more I appreciate a show that, for all its flaws, managed to make a utopia interesting and complex.

Because TNG was such a phenomenon when I was a little kid in the early 90s, a lot of my family relationships also have TNG tied up in them. I remember going to my grandparents' apartment and my uncle showing us a fan magazine about the show. I remember another uncle who didn't really "get it" but gifted me and my brother astronaut ice cream because he knew we liked that space stuff. I remember watching most episodes curled up on the couch or my parents' bed with my brother and my mom and dad. When Mom got sick and we talked about death, I remember the way she wistfully brought up the Nexus from Generations or how she hoped she could see the next season of Picard (she didn't, sadly, but she really enjoyed that first season). Hell, one of the first real bonding moments I had with my otherwise hyper-professional and businesslike PhD advisor was when she made a TNG joke, I laughed at it, and she said, "I just love that show, everyone's so nice to each other."

It's just been a lot of fun coming back to this show, is all. I think I periodically forget how much it's affected me and the extent to which it was a fundamental, formative influence. While a lot of it either hasn't aged well or fails to hold up to modern media analysis, so much of it is still lovely, and occasionally there are these moments of shockingly good storytelling.

Star Trek good.

[sonyadance]

Travels and Dancing and Life 23

Since there are less travels in this season of life, I decided to add an important piece to the title.  Well, you’d have to have been following me in details for years to notice and care about a difference, which I think makes two of you, but!  Details are important. (and punctuating your texts however the hell you want to.)  You’re welcome.

I left you last time with my move into my super handsome, awesome boyfriend’s place.  Well, it’s still awesome.  I foresee a lifetime of happiness for me.  Finally.  I told him he was stuck with me unless he left.  Lucky man.  Anyway, I had a gig planned in Spokane.  What an interesting place!  I can most definitely say that it’s not a place I particularly knew of or that I had on my list of places to visit, but I had a blast.  As always, how can you not when you travel to do the thing you love, meeting people who have the same passion and are so eager to welcome you in their community?  My best friend Kim drove down from British-Colombia, Canada to meet me two days early so we could spend some time.  I was so happy to see her, yet, something was off.  We both left a bit disappointed.  I was wondering if it was possible to have grown apart after being friends for more than half your life???  It was pretty harsh.  Kim wrote me a month after to clear the air and I’m happy she did: I didn’t know she felt the same… I think I was just so exhausted from a summer running around trying to make up for lost time after my surgery, that I didn’t have any empathic bone left in my body and was so on edge that nobody could get to me and connect.  Now that I think about it, I had seen a great longtime friend of mine during the summer and it was the same kind of off vibe: you know when you’re the common denominator… 

After she left, I started teaching privates and workshops to the westies of Spokane.  It is a small, welcoming and warm community.  We had one dance and the next night we went to the last opened night of a gastropub owned by one of the dancer.  I was served a delicious vegan meal prepared specially for me; it was delicious!  I had the chance to explore town and Pig in the park with food and music and it was the 50th anniversary of Expo74.  What a treat.  The last night, we were invited to Arbor Crest winery.  It is a beautiful winery located on a hill, overlooking the city.  We had the chance to see a concert, drink delicious wine and have a private tour of the property.  I couldn’t imagine a better ending to a weekend!

The weekend after, I had kept free to be able to be at one of my boyfriend’s best friend’s marriage.  Wow.  That was hard to write.  Alex had a beautiful group of about ten guy friends that have known each other since high school, Cegep or their early twenties and they managed to see each other every other week, plan chalets, do birthdays and be there for important step stones.  I wish I had that… but I understand I left and travelled and picked another life that didn’t allow for that type of connections and habits to be built.  I think mostly habits.  When I came back to Montreal, it wasn’t because I wanted to be there, it was because I was ready to step in a new part of my life where relationships are more important than work.  I was hoping to maybe find a love relationship, but certainly to work on friendships, family connections, and community.  Well, turns out most everybody that asked me to come back throughout the years and that were missing me are too busy to see me.  It makes sense: the way we have constructed life in North America is non-stop busyness.  So, you run around to work, trying to take care of your family, hoping you have time for a couple workouts and, who knows, a hobby, and by the end of the week, you’re exhausted and you need a break, which you only get if you’re lucky.  You try to maintain a couple friendships with people who have been there for you through the years, and… I’m not part of that, I was gone.  That includes my family.  Do I regret coming back?  Not yet. ;-)  I understand that the relationships I thought would be are not it and that I have to focus on new ones; I found my partner; I’m there for my family through news of cancer, other disease, accidents, financial hurdle (it’s been quite a year since I’m back);I have a couple of friends I hang out with that I love; and I’m putting efforts towards the community.  I believe I get what I deserve and for now that means I need to put effort in showing the traits of characters that people didn’t know me to have before: being a community person, working on interdependence, teamwork, reliability, and much more.  I hope after almost two years as I wrote this letter, people are starting to see it.

All that to say that I went to a wedding!  Lol  I called it the first “real” wedding I went to a few times, and one of my friend asked me: “What is a real wedding?”, to which I enumerated a few qualities.  My boyfriend then said: “But you went to yours.”  Ouch.  Ok. Lollll  Point taken.  Anyways, it was a beautiful wedding, in a cozy venue.  It poured down, but everybody played well.  They brought the ceremony inside, the vows were beautiful, the cocktails were on point, they had really cool games, and most importantly: PEOPLE DANCED!  How lucky am I/are we (if you are in the same situation, which I assume if you are reading this) to have friends that dance?  I would be so sad if all my activities were sitting and consuming things.  I love the fact that my friends will dance, sing, scream stupidity, come to a burlesque show with me, throw axes, do karaoke, and EXPERIENCE life!  Honestly, that’s what makes it worth it for me (and I’m realizing it as I write it).  I don’t want to watch life pass me by like an old person sitting on a porch, watching people walk by like the never ending flow of a river you never step foot in; I want to live it!  I want to jump in the river and make a fool of myself, get messy, meet other swimmers, and see where it takes us.  Who knew retelling a wedding would make me poetic like this?

Months before this, a woman wrote me to have a private lesson at an event.  Great!  Have you danced before?  You’re from out of town?  I have danced before, never wcs, and I live in Yellowknife!  It was a really nice encounter, we had a beautiful lesson and we parted ways.  She contacted me again as she was passing by Montreal to have a lesson.  We had a good time, she left, and she asked me if I wanted to come teach lessons in Yellowknife.  Absolutely!  Wow, there is wcs in Yellowknife???  No… but there will be.  So a couple of things before we keep going.  First, if you don’t know where YK is, it’s wayyyy north in Canada… which is already north.  Second, if you don’t know me, I don’t like the cold.  I didn’t want to come back to Canada mainly for this: I don’t want to go through winters again (last one was pretty tame I must say).  I like warm weather, sun on my skin, heat.  So I would never think of going north for a vacation.  When I heard that people were paying more than 2000$ to go north in the off chance that they’d see a northern light… I couldn’t relate less.  Nonetheless, I will always say yes to being invited somewhere new, to teach and explore.  I landed in a beautiful, sunny YK, and I had to go take a nap.  My body was still recuperating apparently.  I woke up to go eat fish at the most known local place: Bullock’s.  It looks like a shack from the outside… and well, honestly from the inside too.  They have fish with fries and salad or fish with fries and salad or fish with fries and salad… well, you get the gist.  I normally don’t eat fish: I’m mostly vegan, but when in Rome…  It was delicious and a great experience.  I saw the harbor and went to bed, absolutely forgetting to put an alarm through the night to see northern lights because I was so tired and I wanted to be at my best for teaching!  The next day, I had privates and workshops all day, followed by a nice dinner at a Thai restaurant and a dance with the courageous people who had just learned wcs for hours on the same day and decided to show up and boogie!  I just love that energy!  I went back home thinking I would put an alarm and decided to see some lights, the forecast was good.  Right before I went to bed, the organizer wrote me and said: “Go outside, there is a show.”  And a show it was!  Wow!  I can’t explain the feeling.  I knew auroras moved, but not like that: they actually dance!  I had seen the faintest of one in Island for my birthday a few years back, and they had told me that wasn’t it, but I was still impressed, not knowing what it could me.  Now that?  That was… magical.  2000$ to see that???  Yes.  Absolutely.  I get it now.  And that was just from my balcony downtown, imagine from the forest with no city lights at all!  The next day was filled with privates with amazing people.  The organizer had told me she was going to set up privates for me, but I had thought: with who?  Everybody is new, they just have done a four hours intensive the day before, their brains are going to be full.  Apparently people are as passionate up there as anywhere else, or they are bored cause there is nothing else to do… to be confirmed.  I might be mixing the days, but that night, we went to two of the dancers place and they had cooked probably the most delicious vegan lasagna I have ever had, garlic bread, we had brought delicious ice cream from a local shop, good wine.  It was a blast.  The organizer had asked me if homemade food was ok for the weekend or if I preferred restaurant.  Are you kidding?  I feel so taken care of and honored when people cook for me: homemade food anytime (except maybe if the person cooks like me then restaurant might be better).

I had one day left to explore and best believe I made the most of it!  I started with a walk through town (downtown is a big word for this place really) to go get a warm local coffee.  I then went to the Prince of Wales museum, which has a free entrance, and tells you the history of the North West Territories (Canada has provinces and territories like USA has states).  I walked the long walkway around one of the lake through town, went through old town, climbed the tiny hill to get a view of the harbor, and the organizer came to pick me up for a hike.  I have to admit I was expecting a strenuous hike and was mentally prepared for it: it was anything but arduous, but extremely beautiful.  A walk through the woods, giant rocks (I love rocks), a view of Cameron’s falls, crossing the river on a bridge, laying on rocks with the sound of the water while eating chocolate.  Perfect.  We came back for me to have a massage I scheduled with the boyfriend of one of the girl who was visiting from Quebec!  It was delicious.  We ate pizza and then… I had mentioned that I loved exploring and that if something comes up, I’ll do it, but that I was extremely scared of water especially at night and not really at ease in general with the outdoors, something I want and am working on.  For example, going on a big hike, in the middle of nowhere, by myself is more stress inducing than soothing.  So we went kayaking, at night, on the main lake where people have boat houses.  We paddled to a floating sauna!!!  Built by one of the local.  You get there, park your kayak on the edge of the 2 feet platform, take some wood from the back, start a fire inside the wooden cabin that is so well insulated that after 10m you sweat like a pig, you then jump in the lake to refresh yourself (which I was also afraid of lake sharks as we joked about), and when you come out… you are in the middle of the lake, nobody around, and there is a freaking light show above your head!  The lights came out again for my last night.  One looked like a dome above us.  It was really magical (I know I’ve used that same word earlier to describe the same thing, but that’s what it is.  I guess I could have said majestic also.  The two majestic things I saw in my life were: northern lights and swimming five feet away from a whale and her baby.)  I can say that trip was a success on all fronts.

Being home.  Having a home (I was on the road travelling and living out of my suitcase for years before that) has the advantage that you can have people over.  So I had my second housewarming party in a year (faithful to my habits, I had been in Montreal for a year and a half at that point, but already live in three different houses/apartments/condos).  People from both sides of my family were there, some close friends and it was a blast.  The next day, I threw my boyfriend and the dog out for a girl’s day with a Eros presentation.  It was a lot of fun and although it lasted six hours; it was too short to catch up on everything we needed to tell each other.  I also had the chance to bring my partner to the concert of his favorite artist visiting Montreal: Kygo.  I didn’t know I liked him before and couldn’t see the point in going to see a DJ live, but the show was really well put together, interesting, full of visuals, and great surprises.  I’m putting all the weekends home in a bunch, but between those occasions, and being present for friends and family members birthdays, which I haven’t been in years because I was gone… that’s what makes the decision to come back and stay in one place worth it.  I have been travelling less than I’d like to just for a month as I’m writing this and I’m already feeling it.  So it’s definitely something I have to be careful with moving forward, to make sure I keep that side alive.

Another weekend I had booked off six months in advance to make sure I could show up for it, was a chalet with all the women on one side of my family.  I left earlier on Friday to walk at the Rawdon’s falls area and read my book laying on some boulders (I told you I liked rocks, they are always warm and welcoming… I have a weird relationship with them I guess.  I can’t be the only one, no?).  I got to the chalet early and read some more while waiting for the crew to arrive.  It’s so important to spend time between women, interesting discussions arise that wouldn’t in another context.  We made the meals together, ate great food, talked into the night, sang karaoke until 2am, had a lot of wine, celebrated one of the girl’s birthday, and went for a hike.  It all fell way too short, but still satisfying.

Montreal Westie Fest was next in line.  I hadn’t done an event in a while, the last one was New England Dance Festival at the beginning of August.  I do a lot of weekend workshops lately, they are better financially, but events are better for visibility.  I get sad lately wondering what happened to my career.  I mean, before CoCo, I was travelling all over the world every weekend.  Years ago, in a partnership with Stephen, but for years after that as a solo female professional.  Covid happened and I didn’t have a partner to create with and post on social media, so I created a bunch of offers for solo followers, I trained in pole and aerial to stay fit, I kept teaching online… but when things picked up again, nothing.  And I have to admit, I don’t want to be gone every weekend like I did before, but one or two a month would be perfect with the business I’m building in Montreal also.   But it’s like if somewhere along the line, I’ve lost my value for events.  Even if I know I am a great teacher, when people see and experience my teaching in group lessons, workshops or privates, they hire me for more; that point doesn’t seem to count as valuable for events.  I am not on social media enough to be seen, I don’t have a partner I create and inspire people with, if there is an Invitational division, I will put up a show and generally place, but if it is a Champion division, my name doesn’t make it to the finals, so I don’t get to showcase anything.  I miss having a partner.  I miss creating at my level, inspiring people, getting inspired myself, making a difference in the dance and being part of its evolution.  But maybe that ship has sailed.  Let me know if you’ve read until now if you have ideas for me to add value to the international community (I am doing a lot locally, which is new for me, and working very well).  All that to say, MWF was a blast as always.  I topped my record of privates in an event weekend (18!).  I could have done more, but had to say no, which I hate doing, but I physically couldn’t.  Workshops went great, the dancing was on point, the all-American JnJ was a blast and I definitely went off in the Invitational.  If you know, you know.

I had more occasions of being with friends at home, my friends, Alex’s friends, visiting someone’s new house in Ste-Adèle, going to Christmas Markets with my best friends and seeing an epic Quebecer band live.  I also am the queen of finding free events to attend.  So with a couple friends, we had the chance to see the international final of a Spoken word contest… for free!  My friend’s kid was amazing.  After a few performances, he turned to us and said: “When does it start?”  Ok, the spoken words art wasn’t a success with the kids, but with the adults, yes!  I also got us tickets for the recording of a show, which is basically a live concert with epic Quebecer artist: Valaire, Boom Desjardins, Dubmatique, Laura Malia, Aswell… two hours of great music, some drinks, my friends getting pulled on stage to dance, and we finished the evening at one of my friend’s place where his wife was having a party.  Oh what a night!  I went to a line dance competition in a small town in Quebec and had a taste of the beautiful country dance culture we have around here.  I finally saw the Rocky Horror Picture Show! I organized more guided practice for Montreal westies, I taught group lessons, workshops, intensives and privates in town, and I organized my first Westie Café!  I had been wanting to do that for a year: a Sunday afternoon dance for those who can’t come out at night because of work schedule, kids, and preferences.  We have an hour of class, and two hours of dancing.  I serve coffee, fruits, pastries, people can bring their kids, we talk, we dance and we connect.  It has been a success the first couple times and I hope it continues like that!!

For Halloween, I was in Toronto with one of my favorite person: Nelson Clarke!  Anytime I can, I try to get him with me on contracts or just be around him because I know it’s going to be a great weekend.  The organizer and many people there were also friends, since I live in Toronto for the majority of 2022.  I was teaching an intermediate workshop on Friday by myself.  I got there and there were… about 18 followers and 1 lead?!  The theme of the class was call and answer. Loll  Let me tell you, I had to do a last minute reset so everybody could dance their role, practice and learn something.  Saturday was packed with privates and workshops with Nelson, and we ended on Sunday morning with the advanced dancers.  It was a quick and busy weekend and I was hungry all the time… which brings us to the next part.

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TRIGGER WARNING

.

I came back from the weekend and still didn’t have my period (I know, random topic to bring out).  We had done fertility testing with my partner during the year and the results weren’t really bright.  So we organized ourselves, I had to clear my schedule for a few months to be in town, and we had to save money to start IVF.  That was the only possibility in having kids… So Monday morning comes, I am really late, I also know it’s impossible for me to get pregnant, it’s a bit confusing, but I decide to do a pregnancy test despite everything, knowing it would be negative.  Well, it wasn’t.  My partner and I were so confused and also elated.  And I had no clue what to do.  I had spent the last few months researching in every minute of free time, every book, every podcast, every article, I could get my hands or ears on about fertility, in the hopes of understanding the 10 000 medical terms thrown at us, and hoping it helped us to make the best decision possible; but I hadn’t researched anything about what to do when you’re pregnant.  I took another test to be sure, they were both positive in a second, I called some people who told me to get on a waitlist for daycares (the waitlists are years long in Quebec), and for birthing houses if that’s what I wanted to do.  We couldn’t get a hold of any doctor to get any appointments for a follow-up (thank you free healthcare), but we finally had an appointment for December.  I started doing research, thinking of reorganizing the house, making lists of what we’d need, imagining having an argument with my teenage kid in a few years’ time, being happy I wasn’t at The Open, because initially I was supposed to be doing fertility, but now it was even better: I wasn’t there because I had a little chia seed growing in my belly! 

Some of you know, you feel like shit or all sorts of things in the first trimester, but you’re happy to feel like shit because it’s for a greater cause.  A few weeks after that, I started to feel better physically… ok… is that good or terrible?  I am happy to feel better, but worried it means something is off.  You do research, they say it’s normal, you don’t necessarily have symptoms in the first trimester… but I had…  Then, one day, I had some light pink on the toilet paper after going to the bathroom.  They say it’s normal, it can happen.  Online I mean, cause there are still no doctors available to talk to.  So you wait and try to breather and tell yourself not to freak out, that everything is ok.  Two days later, I have bad cramps, I go to the bathroom and there is a lot of blood.  I’m panicking.  It’s the night, no point in sitting in the emergency room and wait for twelve hours (not an exaggeration in Quebec) while I’m bleeding, we’ll call in the morning.  I just had a place in a birthing house.  We get an appointment, they say they can’t see, they’ll send us to the hospital for an ultrasound.  I’m bleeding, they need to draw blood, but nobody can get the vein: fours nurses, one clinic and an hospital, nine missed draw and one successful one.  I see that something is off at the ultrasound, nobody wants to tell me: the doctor will tell you.  Back for another appointment at the clinic: maybe you just did a mistake in the dates.  Yes, but I’m bleeding and cramping and I don’t see a foetus on the ultrasound.  We’ll do more tests.  A week and a half, ten blood draws, nine missed ones, ten clinic and hospital appointments, six ultrasounds, liters of blood, my body not managing to expulse, having to take the pills that create horrendous pain (well, you’re having contractions like if you’re giving birth, except you don’t have the happy outcome to look forward to.  Btw, for those who are against abortions, I wouldn’t have had to be able to have the treatment my body needed if I was in a place were that was illegal).  One more scraping, one more ultrasound, to make sure everything is out, one and a half week or work missed with no income, having to deal with the physical pain, and now it’s time to catch back on all the missed work, so no time to process.  And now I have to watch The Open with a flat belly and not knowing what just happened.  I’m so happy there were three routines I choreographed and coached that made podiums because… it was a rough one.  Now, I don’t know how I feel.  I still haven’t had time to process.  I need a break.  Maybe I’ll get one for the Holidays.

Moral support:

To end this, I want to say that there are always two ways (or more) to view things and to present them.  When I post on social media, I want it to be helpful, informational and/or spread positivity and joy.  Sometimes life is not all that. 

So I could present my year in two ways:

2024: traveling, dancing, meeting new people, reconnecting with old friends, being there for my family, meeting the love of my life and moving in, getting pregnant, being part of a community and helping it grow.

2024: removal of a wisdom tooth that went poorly, infection, loss of income, sickness, cancer in the family, financial problem in the family, surgery and another loss of income, no partner for the Open, no dancing at my level, exhaustion, a miscarriage and another loss of income, feeling like I’ve lost my worth in the community.

Neither one is right, neither one is wrong.  We obviously choose what we want to present to the world, but we have to choose how we look at things and encompass everything.  It’s often easier to remember the bad, our brains somehow want to imprint it more than the good, but we also have to take it into account.  No life is perfect, everybody makes life choices and consequences come with it.  There are also seasons of luck and seasons where we are extremely unlucky that have nothing to do with decisions we made (I don’t think anybody deserves to be sick or lose a loved one).  So next time you look at someone’s life on social media and you think that you would like to be in their shoes, remember two things: first, their shoes are also full of shit; second, if there are elements of that person’s life you really want in yours, work to rearrange that part of your life so you have it!

Thank you for everyone who’s been there for me and with me this year.  You know who you are and I love you.

[katatty]

Sims Say the Darnest Things: When you get this, list five of your characters and their best quotes so far. Then pass it on to five other storytelling simblrs.

Aw man, this is a fun one! I've been writing stupid stuff for my sims to say for so long it's hard to think of a top 5, but definitely have some funny moments I'd like to reminice on :)

“Who cares about work? Money isn’t everything, Raye!” “I’m just not sure I’m responsible enough for this. I feel like a kid myself half the time!” “Well, better grow up fast, because I’m keeping the baby! Bleh!!”

This line from Emmie is iconic to me and kind of sums up both the good and bad in her character! She's enthusiastic, chirpy and always ready to jump into stuff but can be kinda selfish/thoughtless with like, poor boundaries lmao. It also always makes me giggle adding "Bleh!!" to the end of her lines idk

Bella: Cassandra! Oh my, are you all right? Cassandra: I’m fine, Mom. Bella: You’re having a mental breakdown on our back porch!

idk this is just funny to me bc Bella is half concerned for Cassandra and half worried that Cassie is bringing down the vibe at her fabulous dinner party lol

Camellia: I keep thinking I’ve forgotten something!  Lori: Cami, I feel like that almost all the time. Nine out of ten times it’s nothing important!

I'm realising going though these most of them aren't even particualrly "great quotes" they're just things I found funny to write, haha. My way of escaping the "5 characters" thing by making them all require context or somehting. idk! RIP to Orion

Lilith: Since when you do you cook, anyway? Ashley: I’m teaching myself. It’s called having a growth mindset, you should try it. Lilith: Hey, I’m all about personal growth. You know I achieved lifetime happiness this week? Ashley: Our date was that good, huh?

Ashley & Lilith's unhealthy-ass relationship banter is always so fun to write, I really miss them! I really like having sims actually mention, like, game mechanics? Lilith saying "I achieved lifetime happiness this week" just tickles me. tbh i also think "it's called having a growth mindset" is really funny, really fits ashley's self-improvement-reddit-guy vibe

ok and my all time favourite scene/quote is this ripp moment idk this was 5 years ago but i still laugh thinking about it it was so unhinged

“So this makes us and the twins, what? Step-siblings? That’s hot.” “You are such a pig, Ripp!” Lilith kicked him under the table. “I’m gonna kill you.” “Chill out, Tank! It’s not like it’s real incest! You and Angela can keep fucking if you really want to.”

like most inappropriate and gross comments of all time????????? lmao. very sad that Ripp has grown as a person I miss writing him as an immature dickhead lol

ANYWAY thank u for sending this, it was really fun & nostalgic and has me really wanting to actually write posts again, maybe I will queue some up :)

tagging @potential-fate, @moocha-muses, @dunne-ias, @antisocialbunnysims & @rurpleplaysmuttingtonac if any of you fancy doing this :)

[miikewheelers]

what the boys' mom probably called them

yes i know they technically didn't have a 'biological' mom but they probably had a mother figure in their life who looked at them all like her sons so here please allow my imagination to run wild for a bit <3

lucifer - son, honey

very basic stuff for her first born, she understood his personality and was aware that keeping it simple was the best way to get on his good side

'son' is a much more conservative nickname he was given by his mother, so to contrast, she calls him 'honey' at times where she finds him at moments of his best

some examples of these moments that warrant being called 'honey' is if he was separated from her for a long time, was all dressed up and ready to attend an event that was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, or if he did something that particularly impressed her and/or brought attention to her as his mother

mammon - boyo, treasure, pookie

i imagine the nickname 'boyo' being for a son who's rambunctious and adventurous, which mammon definitely is to a fault (and probably shows this side around her the most often)

'treasure' is obviously a name she gave him to compliment his eye for up-scale material goods and things affordable by the top 1%

even though he's the second youngest, mammon definitely has a childish flair to him (as seen several times in the game) and was probably babied the most by their mom, besides belphie. and thus was born the name 'pookie', given to mammon because she thought that his propensity to beg and actively try to twist her arm to do things for him vibed with the name more, while belphie was a lot mellower and wanted to slowly urge their mother to do things for him

leviathan - kiddo, champ

as the youngest of the 'oldest' brothers, she probably looked at levi as somewhat of the baby of the eldest, inspiring the nickname 'kiddo' for him

'champ' mainly came from her wanting to inspire and encourage him to be more sociable and be more motivated to do things outside of his room, like looking forward to going to school and other social events

the latter name also was meant to boost his confidence generally, due to his propensity to feel envy at others' successes

satan - smartsky, ace

(deciding to add him in here for shits and giggles, i know he probably never really met his mom but just hear me out for a sec)

as the logical, knowledge- and book-loving fourth-born, these terms that signify academic achievement would definitely be used for him

she'd probably love that he was an achiever and wanted him to embrace that side of himself as often as he possibly could

his brothers technically could call him these the easiest without getting their heads bitten off, but being called these names by his mother would probably make him feel a lot more accomplished but a bit flustered at the same time

asmodeus - sweetie pie, my little prince/princess

asmo thrives on affection, so of course mommy had to go out of her way to give him a sweet-sounding nickname!

neither of them had any issues with referring to him using either masculine or feminine terms (which probably was the case anyway given how different celestial realm society is to any human society), so depending on the aesthetic/energy he was giving off on a particular day, she'd choose one to match

their mom probably loved to pamper asmo a lot and help him with getting dressed and makeup and other aspects of fashion and design, so she probably loved to shower him in affection and compliments since she knows he loves it and it's so easy to do!

beelzebub - munchkin, spud, jelly bean

he's called 'munchkin' in a different way than what we'd know of; we think of munchkin being a nickname for small things, but beel is the tallest of his brothers, so she'd call beel 'munchkin' as an affectionate way to comment on his trait of having a big appetite

'spud' is probably the most appropriate nickname here, since to the boys' mom his figure probably resembled a bit of a potato to her, especially when he was a baby

she calls him 'jelly bean' when he's being cute, affectionate, and, of course, sweet, because his kindness is definitely a massive aspect of his demeanor (we've all played this game, we know)

belphegor - snug bug, bubba

of course, as the youngest, belphie would end up getting the cutest, babiest-sounding nicknames of all the boys

'snug bug' was obviously inspired by his desire to cuddle up to someone when napping, and he probably loved to snuggle up to and take naps with his mom in the celestial realm

the nickname 'bubba' came from his ability as the youngest to be able to easily twist her arm to do things for/with him, being much easier done by him than any of his other brothers. but she couldn't help herself because belphie, as her youngest, will always be so adorable ♡

[gimmie-a-sammich]

To Rule Them All | Chapter 9 | Treasure

Pairings: Idol!Ateez/???!Ateez x Fem!Original Characters

Summary: Alexis is about to have the summer of a lifetime traveling the country with some of her best friends following one of her favorite groups, Ateez. Little do they know, there is more to this group than meets the eye. Take a trip into the dark as they navigate a world unseen.

Genre: (18+ Minors DNI) smut, angst, fluff, supernatural vibes 

Chapter Warnings: sneaky ateez, this is really a pretty fluffy chapter, lil makeout sesh

Word Count: 14.2k

read here on AO3

To Rule Them All masterlist

previous chapter | next chapter

note: for this chapter, anything italicized is Korean, at least if it's in conversation. POV switches do occur, hopefully those are clear enough. If not, please let me know (:

**

“Alexis…” I heard a soft whisper, as well as a faint poking into my cheek. I barely opened my eyes, squinting through them to see Thea’s big brown eyes in front of me. I groaned, pulling the blankets up to cover my face. Of course she would be coming to wake me up from one of the best sleeps I had gotten since god knows when. She snatched the blankets down, laughing softly as she poked my nose. “I know you’re awake,” she jested. 

“Theadora James, I’m awake because you woke me up,” I murmured groggily, my sleepy voice in full effect. I rolled over to avoid her stare, only to feel her small body crawling over me to lay down back in front of me. I completely opened my eyes, glaring at her down. She was even more cheerful than me in the mornings, and it was hard to be annoyed at that absolutely adorable face pouting up at me. I sighed, knowing that she was not going to leave me in peace until I got up with her. 

“Well, you’re the only one I can safely wake up without absolute fear of my life,” she sighed, readjusting on the bed to sit cross legged beside me. “And, normally you’re up with me… how was I supposed to know you were having a sleeping beauty moment?” 

She was completely right, on both accounts. Nikki and Christie would have crucified her if she had woken either of them up, especially without a large cup of coffee in hand as a peace offering. Any other time, I would have been up with her, having our own caffeinated beverages and getting ready for the day. I sat up and stretched my arms above my head, willing the sleepiness out of my body before turning to face her. “Yeah yeah yeah… I’m up now.”

“See you can never be mad at me for too long. I did a pick up order for some groceries for the next few days…” she began, looking at me expectantly. 

“Aaannnnddd you want me to go with you to get them,” I stated, finishing the sentence for her. 

“Pretty please? There’s a Starbs right next door… I’ll buy you coffee…”

Thea didn’t have to finish her bribe, even though I would have gone with her without the extra caffeine incentive. I was already up out of bed, rummaging through my suitcase to throw an oversized crew neck over my pajamas. I had zero intentions of getting out of the car, and there was no need to get ready at this moment anyway. Today was going to be entirely dedicated to soundcheck, meet and greet, and concert preparation, and that was easily going to be an all day event. “You know the coffee goblins will bury us alive if we don’t bring them back something, too.” 

Thea lept out of the bed, coming over and wrapping her arms around my waist, steering me to the door like she was afraid I was somehow going to change my mind about going with her. I giggled, looping my arm around her shoulder as we walked out of my room in tandem.  

After the bags of groceries had been loaded into the back of the SUV, Thea made good on her promise, going through the Starbucks drive thru and getting the four of us our favorite drinks. They would definitely be needed since Thea planned on waking up Christie and Nikki before 9:30am. She handed me the drink carrier, and I immediately began sipping on my sweet cream vanilla cold brew, stifling a yawn. 

“Did you actually sleep well though? No more messages from a certain terrible someone?” Thea inquired as we headed back towards the BnB. 

I took another sip before leaning back into the headrest of the seat. “No more messages, it’ll probably take a bit before he gets another number. But I actually did sleep well for once… not to mention had one of the best dreams of my entire life.” 

Thea nearly spit out her white chocolate mocha. “YOU TOO? Christie’s instagram attack left my brain in an absolute puddle. The Hos wrecked my life.” 

I raised my eyebrows at her, not wanting to get into too much of the insane sex dreams I was sure we both had. I quickly changed the subject, instead informing her more about the Austin situation now that she and Nikki were both aware of the extent of it now. Thea had an endless amount of questions it seemed, each one full of love and care. It was heartwarming that she was so concerned, but that was part of the reason why I was hesitant to tell them in the first place. The drive ended with her ranting about how much of a douche canoe Austin was and how she never really liked him that much anyway. 

Thea was still mid rant as we pulled into the driveway. I grabbed the most important thing, the drink carrier while Thea made her way to the hatch to grab as much as she could. Once I had safely deposited the drinks in the kitchen, I went back out to help the struggling Thea. It was comical, seeing her loaded down with bags on each arm. She could barely lift what was in her arms already, but here she was trying to add even more.

I was dying laughing when I walked up to her, offering my hands out to help her. “I’m a make it in one trip kind of gal… I got this,” she huffed, struggling to lift the bags. 

“Quit being stubborn and take the help,” I giggled, crouching down to grab the bags that were strewn across the driveway.. She glared at me in disapproval, but there was surprisingly no back talk as we made our way back into the house. “See, still one trip,” I remarked, nudging her playfully as we set down the groceries on the kitchen floor. 

She waved me away. “Yeah yeah, go give the gremlins their coffees, I’m going to start on breakfast,” she sassed, shoving the sweetened iced americano and a salted caramel cream cold brew in my hands before shooing me completely out of the room, opening cupboards muttering to herself. I knew better to argue with Thea when she was in cooking mode, and against my better judgment went off to disturb the sleeping demons.

I crept into Christie’s room first, knowing that she would be the safer of the two options. Surprisingly, she was up and scrolling through her phone. She slammed it down when I tiptoed in, glaring at me when the hallway light started pouring in the doorway. I could tell that she was going to smart off about me disturbing her, but her look immediately softened when she saw the iced coffee in my hands. “Your presence is now welcomed,” she remarked softly, patting the space on the bed beside her. 

“How gracious of you,” I sang, curtseying for added effect before sitting down beside her. 

Christie took the coffee from my hands, taking a huge sip before snuggling into my shoulder, a huge smile on her face from the taste of the cold drink. “Ahhhh… my favorite,” she murmured, closing her eyes as she took another deep drink.

I laid my head on top of hers. “Always.” I looked down at her phone, which was buzzing like crazy. “Everything okay?” I questioned. 

Christie glanced down at the offending device, before quickly setting to silent. “Yeah nothing major, just calls about duct cleaning offers, and my car’s extended warranty...”

I could tell something was up, but there was no point in pressing her this early in the morning. “The lovely spam calls… Why can’t they ever be anything good? Anyway, the coffee is a peace offering from Thea, because she is wanting us up for breakfast… I still have to awaken the sleeping dragon in the basement.” 

Christie’s head snapped up from my shoulder, eyes instantly blazing. “SHE HAS THE AUDACITY TO SEND YOU ON A SUICIDE MISSION?” she gasped. “Absolutely not. I’ll go deal with Nikki, you go tell Thea I have a bone to pick with her, coffee or not.” She promptly rose from the bed, snatching the remaining coffee out of my hands and storming off into the basement, yelling profanities directed at Thea as she went. 

I left Christie’s bedroom and made my way into the kitchen. Thea had made a complete mess of things, typical of her when she was cooking. She was huddled over the stove, appearing to scramble some eggs. “I hope you know, the offering did little to appease the beasts,” I stated solemnly, sitting down on one of the stools surrounding the island. “Christie took over the mission to wake Nikki… and she wanted me to warn you that there would be a price for attempting to send me into the depths of hell before my time.” 

As if on cue, we heard hollers coming from the basement, indicating that Nikki had been disturbed from her slumber. Thea rolled her eyes, giving the eggs one final stir before sliding them onto a plate. “Well, Christie can make her own damn eggs tomorrow morning if she would like to make threats…. And why does she have to be the most difficult to feed? Who doesn't like egg yolks, they are the best part damnit!” 

As if on cue, Christie strolled into the kitchen, dragging a disheveled Nikki behind her. “Christie can do what now?” she smirked, both sitting down at the kitchen table as Nikki continued to grumble about being awoken with the sun. 

I couldn’t help but let loose a laugh, moving from the counter to join them at the table. Thea completely ignored the comment, instead focusing on plating the rest of breakfast. She had spoiled us once again, making each of us an omelet filled with our favorites, hash browns, toast, fruit, and a side of bacon for Christie. She laid each of our plates in front of us before grabbing her own. 

“I said, Christie can make her own special eggs if she would like to keep complaining,” Thea snapped, sticking her tongue out at Christie across the table. Thea was always attempting to go toe to toe with both Christie and Nikki, even though she was the one who always gave in first. 

Christie took a bite of said eggs, eyeing Thea in the process. “Now, why would I have to do that when you love making them, not to mention that you make them perfectly ?” she hummed as she continued eating, a faint smile sneaking onto her lips as she chewed. 

Nikki glared at Thea from across the table, devoting her whole attention to drinking the iced americano and ignoring the plate in front of her. You could see life slowly begin to enter her eyes as the caffeine flooded her system. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, her shoulders rising and falling with the breath. She opened them slowly, but the fire within her eyes was only brighter. “You are extremely lucky that this coffee is good,” Nikki coldly stated before draining the rest of the coffee in one final slurp, sighing with the taste and finally smiling for the first time all morning.

“Not to mention that the food is absolutely phenomenal,” I added, softly poking Nikki in the side. She grumbled at me, something along the lines of it’s too early to be friendly, before beginning to dig into her breakfast. “I can practically taste the love.”

“At least someone can appreciate my hard work,” Thea quipped with a smile. 

We chatted the rest of breakfast, with Christie volunteering to do dishes as her way of saying thank you to Thea for the wonderful breakfast. Once plates were cleared and stomachs were full, we left Christie to do her work while the rest of us went to shower. Soundcheck was only a few hours away, and getting ready was going to be a process in itself. I knew we were all extremely excited, but I knew that the nerves would sink in the second we were face to face with guys. 

I took my sweet time in the shower, relishing in the hot stream as steam filled the bathroom. The water felt absolutely heavenly on my skin as my thoughts drifted toward my dream last night. I still couldn’t get over how real the entire thing felt, even though there was absolutely no way in hell that it could have been. Something the last few weeks had just felt off in general, exceeding far beyond last night’s dream and even Bartholomew’s hauntings.

I was deep into my own head when Nikki’s voice cut through my thoughts, banging on my door, whining. “Alexiiiiiiiss, I need your help with my make up and Christie promised to help with my hair but she just got in the shower.” 

I sighed, not wanting my time in the shower to end. “I’ll be out in five minutes, promise.” 

“Thank you, love you!” she yelled, although her voice became more muffled thanks to her exit from my room and the shower. It was very typical for Christie and I to help Nikki get ready, and ended up being one of the most eventful parts whenever we all got ready together. There was nothing more entertaining than showering her with compliments and completely frazzling her. 

I ran my fingers through my hair once more, letting the water cascade down my body for a few more seconds before turning the handles off. I reached for the fluffy white towel and haphazardly dried off my body before winding it around my hair. I grabbed the shorts and tshirt I had laid out to get ready in, not wanting to do it in my concert outfit and risk something happening to it. I grabbed it out of the closet, along with everything else I needed to before heading into Christie’s room. We had designated hers as the vanity and dressing room thanks to the mirrors lining one of the walls. It also had the best natural light coming through the large window, making it even more of a no brainer. 

“Excited are we?” I laughed, taking in the scene in front of me. Nikki was sitting cross legged on the floor in front of a mirror, looking through it at me with wide eyes and a huge smile on her face. Thea was next to her, already working on a statement anti-mascara look, fully focused and concentrating on the mascara wand in her hand to get the lines and dots absolutely perfect. There was make up scattered everywhere about the room with outfits carefully laid out on Christie’s bed. Christie’s shower was still running, and who knew where in that process she was. 

I set down my makeup bag beside Nikki, placing my outfit on the bed along with the others before settling on the floor to begin my task. It would be much easier to get Nikki’s makeup done first before moving to my own. Plus, I don’t think Nikki could wait any longer… she was not known for her patience. “Is your face primed and ready?” I asked her, fumbling through my bag to grab the brushes and pallets I would need. 

“Is my face what what now?” she sputtered, confusion spreading through her face. 

“Have you learned nothing?” I sighed before reaching into my bag once more, pulling out more and more products as her eyes grew wide. I found my good moisturizer, face primer, and eye primer and thrust them upon her. “Moisturizer first, wait five minutes, then the two primers.” I instructed. “Then we shall begin, and I shall make you even more beautiful.”

“I told you you needed to prep for the coming beautification. But nooooooo… why would we listen to little ole me,” Thea sang, giving Nikki a knowing look before returning back to work, tongue out in concentration.  

Christie chose this moment to walk out of her bathroom, not missing a beat. “Did we just say Nikki was beautiful? Starting without me are you? Guess I will just have to play catch up and make sure my thing one knows that she is a stunning little vision before and after we play with her.” 

“Fuck you,”  Nikki seethed, glaring at Christie while she rubbed the products into her skin. 

I cackled and the smirk on Christie’s face was widening with Nikki’s comment.  “Only in your dreams love,” she shot back. I dropped my head for a split second to compose myself, reprimanding Nikki to keep still as I began my magic.   

“I had some of that in my dreams last night, thank you very much,” Thea hummed off-handedly. “I don’t know if it was those damn reels, Christie, or the concert today… but the Hos are ruining my life.”

“Not you trying to share your sex dream again,” I joked, remembering the almost identical conversation she tried to have in the car this morning. 

Thea pouted for a moment, staring at me through the mirror before laughing. “I can’t help it. The Hos were wild. The whole thing was weird though, it all happened in my studio, but it didn’t feel like I was dreaming at all.” 

“Mingi and Seonghwa literally chased me through a forest in mine… I would have much rather had my damn sex dream take place indoors thank you,” Nikki lamented, eyes closed while I continued to blend the deep blue eyeshadow onto her lids. “When I woke up, it felt like I had spent all night sprinting through those damn trees, and that is not a feeling I would recommend.

“Quit talking,” I muttered, using my hands to still her face,  angling her chin upwards. My brain was going a million directions, trying to focus on Nikki’s makeup but also questioning how it seemed we all had very vivid dreams. Thea looked back over to me, giving me a knowing look since I had let slip this morning that I had a damn good dream. “It sounds like some of us need to touch the damn grass… including me. I had a particularly spicy night with Woosan, but it all happened in the BnB, and for the life of me I couldn’t decide if I was awake or sleeping.” 

Eyes were on Christie, who had begun to work on straightening Nikki’s long hair. ”Look, I will admit that some of those reels managed to melt my brain into mush before bed last night. Captain and the dark fairy prince made an appearance in my dreams last night and that’s all I'm going to say on the matter. Trust me, it was a little surprising.”  

Everyone knew better than to press Christie for further details, and all attention returned to getting ready. We still had plenty of time, but there was a sense of urgency amongst us as the excitement continued to grow. Once I was finished with Nikki, I completed my own look relatively quickly, leaving me to switch spots with Christie so I could begin to toy with my hair. Thankfully, it cooperated, and within the next hour and a half the four of us were dressed and ready to go.

Our looks had been chosen with complete and utter care, highlighting some of our favorite Ateez eras. 

Mine was inspired by none other than Cyberpunk, my absolute favorite San era and one that lived rent free in my head. The leather crop top hugged my body like a second skin and the body harness only helped accentuate my figure. According to Christie, the high waisted leather shorts made my booty pop, and those paired with the lace up biker boots made my legs look like they went on forever. The boots only added a little bit of height to my 5’8 frame, so hopefully I wouldn’t tower over any of the guys when we finally met them. My hair was half up in two space buns, my bangs curled and framing my face while the rest of my strawberry blonde hair fell in loose waves down my back. The plum graphic liner pulled the green from my hazel eyes and was the statement piece of my makeup while the rest was much more natural and subtle. 

Christie’s look was very reminiscent of the Halateez: a lace corset bustier top that highlighted each of her curves, high waisted satin shorts, and thigh high heeled boots. The entire outfit was wrapped together with a floor dusting leather trench coat and black wide brimmed hat. Her blonde hair was curled, billowing out from underneath the hat. She had layers upon layers of silver chains for jewelry, including long chains hanging from ears and many, many rings. Her makeup was entirely subtle but the bold red lip, a trademark Christie look. The lipstick was a stark contrast to the otherwise black outfit, a burst of color that pulled all attention.

Thea pulled inspiration from none other than our second favorite mother: Seonghwa and his photoshoot for Elle Singapore. She wore a sheer black skin tight, high necked, long sleeved bodysuit with a solid black bralette underneath. The black high waisted trouser pants looked like they were tailored for her body, making her already thin waist appear even smaller. The black platform dress shoes were adorable, the little bows poking out slightly from the bottom of her pants. Her purple hair was striking against the all black, and her anti mascara was pulled off expertly and added the perfect amount of edginess. 

And finally, our dear Nikki’s outfit was loosely inspired by Bouncy video Mingi. The tight black cropped leather vest was the most subtle part of her outfit. It was paired with tiny black hot shorts, covered by a pair of chaps adorned with chains, a must have for many of Nikki’s outfits, and  were tucked into a pair of chunky black platform boots. Her long black hair was grazing her hips thanks to Christie’s meticulous straightening, the midnight blue highlights peeking out ever so slightly. Her makeup was perfect, if I do say so myself, the deep shades of blue tied in perfectly with her highlights while also making her icy blue eyes appear even more chilly. 

Pictures of course were taken, because how could we not document the perfection of the outfits. Thankfully, we had gotten ready quickly enough that we weren’t too pressed for time, although we ended up rushing around to make sure we weren’t forgetting anything. Our VIP passes were secured in our clear bags, Ticketmaster was refreshed to quadruple check that everything was in order, lightsticks had fresh batteries, and any other necessities were rounded up. The excitement level was at an all time high and I was just waiting for some of the nerves to kick in. The realization that we were going to have our own private meet and greet was slowly going to sink in the closer we got to the venue, but hopefully the adrenaline would overtake the butterflies and jitters when we were finally face to face with them. 

Nikki had the driving duties once again, weaving through traffic expertly and getting us to Dickies Arena with time to spare. With our fancy tickets, we were also provided with VIP parking, making for an even smoother experience. In my personal opinion, event parking was the absolute worst and stressed me out to no end… another reason why I was thankful to be the designated passenger princess 97% of the time. 

“Holy shit…” Thea murmured from the front seat after Nikki parked the car. She was looking up at the venue, eyes wide as it suddenly hit her. “It’s time. Like… we’re meeting them.” 

“Don’t make it weird,” Christie remarked cooly, getting out of the car in one swift motion. 

“I don’t think I’m the one you need to worry about making it weird…” Thea retorted, shooting her head towards Nikki as we all got out of the car. “Do we not remember what happened at Stray Kids?” 

“HEY, WE PROMISED TO NEVER SPEAK OF THAT AGAIN!” Nikki exclaimed, throwing her hands into the air as she started to walk away. Nikki may or may not have gotten a little rowdy while we were at their concert last summer, so rowdy in fact, that best leader called her out in good fun during a ment. It embarrassed her to no end, and even though we swore we wouldn’t bring it up often, it lived forever on the internet and in our own phones. 

I quickly caught up to her, throwing my hands around her as we walked and forcing affection onto her. “Now, now, no need to get worked up again… we would hate for a repeat to happen with dear Mingi,” I jested, squeezing her slightly before letting go. She glared at me for a split second before smiling. We paused to let Christie and Thea catch up to us, and as soon as Christie linked her arm through mine we walked in tandem towards the entrance.

The lines to get in were not long at all, thanks to only about a hundred people being able to get into soundcheck. We timed our entry perfectly since the gates opened just as we joined the queue. The excitement began to really set in as the line steadily moved, and the chatter from the girls around us was progressively getting louder. Multiple comments were made about the VIP lanyards we had hanging around our necks, some thick with jealousy, others genuinely excited for us.

“Ah! The VIPs!” one of the security guards exclaimed as we came up to the metal detector. He spoke into his radio, stating that the four of us had arrived before addressing us again. “A staff member will be up here in just a couple of minutes to show you to your seats for the evening… you guys are sure to have a great time!” He gave us a huge grin, and after we had been cleared to enter and the mandatory wristbands were hooked onto our arms, he pointed out where we should wait for our guide. 

We didn’t have to wait too long, and within a couple of minutes a kind looking woman was walking towards us. “Hi there! I’m assuming you are Nichole, Theadora, Christina-Leigh, and Alexis?” she beamed, casting us a huge, warm smile. “My name is Angela, and I’m your go to for anything you guys need tonight. First thing, I know you all just went through security, but can I please have your IDs just to verify everything?”

“Please call me Christie, hearing my full name like that makes me feel like I’m in terrible trouble with my mother” Christie sighed, handing Angela her ID.

Angela laughed. “Oh my, we wouldn’t want that! I’m sorry… I just go by what my paperwork says. Any other preferred names?” She wrote something on her clipboard before giving Christie back her ID and turning to Nikki. 

“I go by Nikki,” she said, surprisingly smiling even though out of the three of them she hates her given name the most. Again, Angela made another note on her clipboard with a smile.

“And, Thea… Theadora makes me feel like my grandmother,” Thea giggled. 

“I hope you keep the purple hair even when you’re a grandma!” Angela joked before turning to me. She was making a great impression on us, and I was glad we would have someone like her to help us if we needed it. 

“Just Alexis for me,” I said with a small chuckle as she took the ID from my hand. 

“FINALLY, an easy one!” Angela bantered back, setting her clipboard to her side. “Alright, now that I’ve determined you are in fact who won the contest, I’m going to show you to your seats… you guys have designated ones for both soundcheck and the actual concert, great ones if I do say so myself. Drinks are comped for the entire evening, you just need to show the bartenders your VIP badges. I will come for you following soundcheck to take you backstage for your private meet and greet… any questions so far?” 

Nikki meekly raised her hand. “Uh may we stop by one of said bartenders and get a drink before we go to our seats?”

I almost lost it thanks to Nikki’s bluntness. I think we all would definitely need a little bit of liquid courage before going backstage, but I did not think it would be Nikki to ask for a pit stop before we even got to our seats. Angela took it all in stride, laughing along with the rest of us. There was no opposition from her, and she led us through the few people still left near security towards the VIP lounge. It was nearly empty, save for a few other sound check guests who had the same idea we did. 

Nikki looked at me with wide eyes and gestured for me to order first. Typically, she ordered whatever I was drinking that night, letting me make the decisions for her. I strutted up to the counter, ordering my typical double vodka soda with a splash of cranberry, before immediately turning it to two after reading Nikki’s face, saving her from having to order for herself. I handed her the second cup, resulting in an immediate thank you. Christie ordered her normal whiskey sour, and to no surprise from any of us Thea got a Long Island iced tea. 

“Are we ready?” Angela asked with kind eyes once all drinks were in hand. We all nodded and said varying forms of yes. “EXCELLENT! You are sure to have a great night… I’ve been a part of a lot of tours, but I do have to say that these boys give one of the best.”

“Have you worked with them before?” I asked as she continued leading us through the stadium. 

“It’s my third tour with them, actually!” she said excitedly. “Each one gets better, in my opinion, so I’m anxious to see what they do with this one. But beyond the show itself, they are a very kind and overall great group to work with. Ah! Here we are!” 

Angela was not lying… our seats were phenomenal: center section of their extended stage, smackdab in the middle and right on top of the barricade. We were as close as anyone could possibly be, and I couldn’t imagine how much these tickets actually cost. I’m sure everyone’s eyes were just as wide as mine as we envisioned the guys in front of us, secretly hoping we would somehow get to live out our wildest y/n fantasy. 

Angela smiled once more, clasping her hands together. “I told you! Soundcheck should start any minute, and I will be back here once it’s done to collect you and deposit you guys backstage. I hope you have the BEST time. If you need anything, let one of the guards nearby know and they will get a hold of me.” On that note, she turned on her heel and walked towards the side stage access, giving us a little wave before disappearing. 

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!” I squealed, latching my arms around Christie’s shoulders and resting my head on top of hers. “This is absolutely positively amazing… and I’m so so so SOOOOO glad we get to do this together.” 

“And here come the soft fluffies,” Nikki laughed. “Thea, what do you have to add to that?”

“JUST THAT I LOVE YOU ALL SO FUCKING MUCH!” Thea basically yelled, pulling all of us towards her into a mini group hug. 

“And there it is,” Nikki muttered as she tried to claw her way out of Thea’s grasp. 

It appeared that Thea had a response in mind, but she was cut off by cheers as Ateez walked onto the stage, smiling and waving at the roughly hundred people present. We of course started cheering along with the crowd, clapping and hollering as loud as we could. The guys were more handsome in person than I had imagined them to be, even with all of them bare faced and dressed casually for sound check.

“Hello everyone!” Hongjoong said into his microphone, resulting in even more screams. The other seven lined up beside him as he counted them down into their greeting, complete with bows and smiles. “Welcome, my name is Hongjoong,” he continued on, “we really hope you enjoy soundcheck and have a great time tonight!” 

His introduction was short and sweet and ended with a genuine smile before he turned and looked at the other members. They introduced themselves individually, beaming at the crowd and looking like they loved being on stage, even with this few people. They were absolutely adorable, and my cheeks started hurting from how much I was cheesing back at them. They dispersed about the stage, lining up along the extended stage and walkway as Wave began playing over the sound system. I thought Thea was going to pass out when Jongho crouched right in front of her, giving her the biggest smile and a little wave before continuing to roam the stage. Her eyes were huge when she turned to look at us, mouthing oh my god before turning back to focus on the stage. 

They ran through Halazia, I’m the One, and Pirate King before ending soundcheck with Say My Name. Through the entire thing, I could have sworn that we were getting a little bit of extra attention from all of the guys, but when I looked around everyone else also seemed to be getting the exact same treatment. No y/n moment for me, apparently 

“I can’t believe that just happened,” Thea half moaned, clutching her hair between her fingers. “THEY BOTH LOOKED AT ME SO MUCH! THE HOS WERE LOOKING I KNOW THEY WERE!”

“And I think your delulu pills are a little too strong today,” Christie wheezed, trying to catch her breath from laughing so hard. Thea playfully punched Christie’s arms, muttering about how she was buzz kill. 

“I don't know, Captain seemed to glance your way a few times… as did the fairy prince…'' Nikki snorted, watching Christie's face turn red.  

“Again, as Mama Gale would say… DELUSIONAL,” Christie snapped back, but the smile never left her face at that thought. 

We giggled over our delusional tendencies while we waited for Angela to reappear and take us backstage. Nerves were beginning to set in, and I could feel my heart rate increase just a little bit. Nikki started rambling on and on, Thea became unusually silent, and Christie was aimlessly twirling her hair around her fingers. Hopefully the alcohol would kick in and help calm the jitters we were all starting to have. 

“Alright ladies, are we ready?” Angela’s voice said behind us, making Christie startle slightly at her sudden reappearance. “Follow me!” 

I instinctively reached my hand towards Christie and she immediately laced her fingers through mine, giving me a reassuring squeeze and a soft smile as we followed Angela through the same side door we saw her disappear through earlier. We were close on her heels the entire time as she walked us through the hallways, making comments as she went.

“Now we are heading to a green room, and the boys will be in shortly. There are some delicious snacks and some drinks available, so feel free to help yourself to whatever you’d like. Now, I forgot to ask earlier about any potentially dangerous food allergies, anything we should be aware of?” she queried. 

“Nope! All of us are free to eat whatever we like, Christie has a medical alert bracelet, but that isn’t for anything food related,” I answered, my words coming out more quickly thanks to nerves. 

“Perfect!” she said, finally stopping at a door. There was a commotion sounding from the other side, and she made a quizzical face at the noises. “Oh! They must already be in there. I’ll be back to get you once time is up, but until then… enjoy their company. They really are good people, and there’s no need to be nervous around them, I promise,” she assured us before opening the door to utter chaos. 

Christie and I walked into the scene first, still hand in hand, Thea and Nikki following closely behind us. We were unnoticed initially thanks to Mingi, Seonghwa, and Wooyoung running rampant through the room, appearing to be playing tag. Mingi leapt over one of the couches, disturbing San enough that he looked up from his phone and noticed the four of us huddled together just inside the doorway. 

“Ah, they’re here!” he chirped, grinning widely in our direction as he got off the couch. Mingi, Seonghwa, and Wooyoung paused their game to turn and look at us for a brief second before resuming with a yell as Mingi lunged to tag Seonghwa. Yunho stopped his conversation with Yeosang, excusing himself so that he and San were both coming to greet us. San stood directly in front of me, and it took everything in my power to stay calm and collected once his big, brown eyes locked onto mine. “I’m San, it’s really nice to meet you.” He flashed a smile, not once breaking his gaze. 

“And I’m Yunho, sorry about the rest of our rude band members… there’s a very intense game of tag going on apparently,” he laughed, casting a look over his shoulder at his bandmates behind him.

Christie squeezed my hand sharply, reminding me to breathe and bringing me back to reality. I took a deep breath, calming my nerves. “We’re really excited to be here actually,” I began, thankful that my voice did not give away my nervousness. “It’s nice to meet you both. I’m Alexis, and this is Christe, Nikki, and Thea.” I gestured as I introduced them, each one of them giving a small wave or smile as I did. 

“Trust me, we’re just as excited to meet you all,” Yunho remarked before motioning out towards the room. “Come in, make yourselves comfortable… I would like to say things will calm down a bit, but that would be a complete lie.” He laughed as he walked back into the center of the room. 

“Hey! They are more than welcome to join in our little game!” Mingi yelled as he jumped back to avoid Seonghwa. The entire room exploded with laughter when the two men connected, resulting in Mingi nearly being tackled to the ground. This seemed to lift some of the nervousness hanging in the room, and I could see Nikki, Thea, and Christie all beginning to relax.

“HA! I WIN!” Seonghwa yelled, indicating that the game was indeed over. I caught Nikki’s eyes widening at the two of them, a strange look casting over her face for just a second 

I let go of Christie’s hand, letting her, Thea, and Nikki follow Yunho, leaving me to trail along behind them. I couldn’t help but jump with surprise when I felt San’s hand on my lower back, applying a small amount of pressure as he walked me towards the couches along the back wall of the room. My face immediately became warm, and I was praying that my cheeks were not as flushed as they felt. I glanced over at San, who shot a huge smile at me, his dimples on full display as his eyes crinkled. I sat down on the end of an overstuffed black leather couch, San plopping himself down close beside me. 

“Ah, Sannie boy, who is this vision gracing our presence this fine evening? Might I be so lucky to know this beauty’s name?” Wooyoung mused, his voice thick with sarcasm as he perched himself on the armrest next to me, leaning in close and reaching behind me to play with San’s hair. He kept his composure only for a moment before he burst into laughter, loud and sharp giggles escaping him. I was taken completely off guard, but before I had a chance to answer, Yunho’s voice took over the room.

“Now that you hooligans have settled down, I’ll introduce you to our special guests,” he began, all eyes looking at him attentively. “We have Nikki, Thea, Alexis, and Christie.” He pointed each of us out as he said our names, murmurs of hellos coming from those who hadn’t introduced themselves to us yet. 

We had all settled amongst the many couches and armchairs, the boys filling in the empty spaces next to us. Christie had made herself comfortable on the other end of the same couch as me, nestled in between Yeosang and our Captain. Thea had settled onto a leather loveseat, Jongho sitting beside her, while Yunho had moved to sit in front of her on the floor after introducing us, his long legs outstretched in front of him. Nikki had the other couch to herself, Mingi and Seonghwa on either side of her. An awkward silence hung in the air for a moment, only to be broken by Yeosang’s deep voice inquiring if we enjoyed soundcheck. 

“Absolutely we did!” Christie said from beside him, turning to face him as she spoke “Honestly, we’ve been to a few other concerts together but this was our first time attending soundcheck and I have to say it makes the anticipation for the concert that much more.” 

“Any certain songs you hope we do?” Hongjoong asked with a smile, directing the question at all of us, but only having eyes for Christie. 

“Based on this one’s outfit, I’m going to say Cyberpunk,” Wooyoung answered for me with a giggle, leaning in to me once again and playfully nudging me. He leaned further, resting his hands around my shoulders to address San. Damn, were these boys handsy. “San, move over, the armrest is hurting my ass.” San obliged with his own laugh, scooching towards Yeosang, pulling me along with him, leaving Woo just enough room to shimmy next to me. Maybe I was getting a version of a y/n moment, sandwiched between the two as closely as I was. 

“Actually,” I teased, smirking over at Wooyoung and returning the nudge he gave me just seconds ago. “While I do love Cyberpunk, The Leaders is probably one of my favorites.” The look on his face was priceless once he was proven wrong, his lips reminding me of a pouty fish with the O they were making.

The pouty face was gone in flash as he tilted his head towards me, his lips moving dangerously close to my ear. “Momen black suit and tie, oreunparen wanjang tight,” he whispered, identical to how he sounded in that damn song. My eyes were wide as he pulled back to stare me down, smirking with his tongue hooked on a canine. God damn, he knew what he was doing. 

“Oooo, I think I’m most excited for Answer,” Thea said warmly, crossing her legs underneath her as she smiled. “It’s one of my favorites, and I love the choreography.” 

“Hmm, I’d have to go with Wonderland,” Christie answered, turning to look at Hongjoong. “The opening is so catchy, but I do have to say I love the symphony version just as much.”

“Yeah, we really wanted to do something that would hook you in right away,” he responded. A strange look flashed across Christie’s face from his answer, something I don’t think anyone else but me would have noticed. It only lasted for a split second before she shook it off and a smile returned. I tried not to pay too much attention to it, blaming it on residual nerves. 

“For me it’s Dancing like Butterfly Wings,” Nikki chimed in, playing with the chains resting on her thigh, clinking lightly as they bounced off one another. “It was one of the first songs I heard by you guys, so it’s always going to have a soft spot in my heart. 

Conversation moved from the whole group to more localized based on where we were sitting.  Nikki was looking surprisingly comfortable, deep in conversation with Seonghwa, who was looking at her intently while she spoke. Mingi was chiming in with comments here and there, his voice low and deep. Thea, on the other hand, was loudly engaging in what seemed to be an argument, her hands waving wildly as Jongho shook his head, a smile permanently on his face, while Yunho was holding his side from laughing at the two’s antics. Taking a glance over to where Christie had been seated, I found nothing but Hongjoong seated on the couch. His eyes seemed concentrated on a spot across the room, and following his line of sight I saw Yeosang helping Christie load snacks onto a paper plate she was holding. He seemed to be chuckling at something she had said, but they were too far to hear what was likely a smart ass remark. 

“Jagi, can we get you anything?” San asked me softly, locking those brown eyes onto mine and placing a hand on my thigh before quickly removing it when he realized he called me baby. “I am sorry,” he sputtered quickly, eyes wide in embarrassment. His tone and look were very reminiscent of the one from my dream, but I quickly wrote it off as a coincidence and delulu of the moment slowly melting my brain into mush. 

“Moving a little quick aren’t we, Sannie?” Wooyoung said without missing a beat. San flicked him in response, glaring at him, but Woo paid him no mind, turning back to me. “But really, do you need anything? A snack… some ice water maybe?” He over-emphasized ice water, and I felt like I was losing my damn mind with the knowing look he gave me. There is absolutely no way in hell he was making a reference to my damn dream last night, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he somehow knew about it. 

I was too stunned to speak for a moment, blinking heavily and composing myself. “Uh, yeah. Snacks sound great,” I murmured, avoiding Wooyoung’s mischievous eyes. San stood up, offering an outstretched hand and a dazzling smile. I happily accepted, returning the grin. San pulled me off the couch and I nearly bounced off of his chest from the sudden movement. I laughed as I steadied myself, meeting those brown eyes once again. It was strange how comfortable I was with him, given the fact that he was an absolute stranger to me, and a famous one nonetheless.   

“Ah, there’s those dimples,” he mumbled, his smile so large that it exposed his own. 

Did I just hear that right? There’s those dimples? I know I had been smiling a lot today, but they only came out when I was REALLY cheesing hard. My brain had to be playing tricks on me, because there was no way that he would have already known about them.  Not only that, I could have sworn his eyes flicked down to my lips for a hot second. I didn’t have much time to dwell on it, since San’s hand found the small of my back once more, but this time his thumb stroked my skin in small circular motions. I inhaled sharply, not expecting any of this treatment from him, and trying desperately to write it off as fan service. He led me towards the table, where Christie and Yeosang were still huddled around, deep in conversation. I chuckled quietly to myself when we were finally close enough to hear.  

"I'm telling you, Canadian winters beat any other country's winter. It's absolutely gorgeous, and we have so many great winter activities! There's no better time than sitting and watching the snowfall and blanket the world while sipping on hot chocolate,” I heard Christie say blissfully, and I could tell by the look on her face that she was missing home just a little bit extra. 

“Sounds like something I would like to see someday,” Yeosang stated smoothly, and by the tone of his voice and the smile on his face it seemed as if he meant each word. "It sounds like you really miss it. How did you end up here in the United States?" 

I immediately jumped in, knowing full well that was a question Christie would not be answering. I moved between them, wrapping my arm around her and leaning down to press my cheek into the top of her head. “She has me to thank for that,” I laughed, giving her a slight squeeze before I let go to face Yeosang, putting on my best smile. “Poor thing couldn’t stand the thought of me moving and living alone, so here we are!” 

“Oh yes, you two live together,” Yeo replied softly, glancing back at Christie with a light smile. I may have been imagining a lot of things, but there was no way I imagined the face San made at Yeosang. He shot him a dark look, almost as if Yeosang had said something he shouldn’t have. Yeo narrowed his eyes at San, before shaking his head with a soft laugh, his black hair looking extra fluffy as it moved. “I mean, if my assumption is correct?” 

I raised my eyebrow, casting a look at both him and San before meeting Christie’s eyes. She had the same questioning and confused look on her face I did. There seemed to be something going on behind the scenes, but obviously we would never know what was going on in those beautiful minds. 

“Yes, your assumption is correct,” Christie remarked, smiling at me. “A recent change, but it’s been a fun adventure nonetheless.” 

“I can only imagine the fun you two have together,” San chortled. He reached behind me, grabbed my waist with both hands and took a few steps back, effectively dragging me away from Christie and Yeosang, just as Hongjoong sauntered up to them. His head dipped towards mine as his grip tightened. “Let’s get those snacks… we don’t want to keep Wooyoung waiting too long,” he whispered against my neck. 

Across the room, I could see Nikki looking at the two of us, a sly smile creeping up on her face as my face once again turned beat red. Thankfully, she didn’t judge me too long, instead turning back to speak Mingi. He looked absolutely enthralled by her, taking in her every word with total fascination. Nikki was very clearly eating it up, but Seonghwa was not one to be ignored, leaning around her to partake in the conversation. While I grabbed a bag of Cheetos and a bottle of water, my eyes wandered over to Thea. Yunho was still settled in front of her, but of course she had her hands draped over his shoulders and she spoke to him and Jongho. She was clearly in her element, her crazy high confidence on full display now that she had settled in. Typical Thea. I walked towards the couch, locking eyes with Wooyoung. He grinned at me, patting the spot next to him like I had no other choice but to return to my seat next to him. San followed closely behind, and I could feel the brush of his hand as he continued to find a way to make contact with my skin.

“Trying to keep our girl to yourself, San-ah?” Wooyoung said with an obscene amount of sass, casting a look at San as we returned to our seats beside him. Woo put his arm around me possessively, his fingers carassessing my shoulder lightly, sending chills down my body. I turned to him, taken aback by the random affection, but before I had a chance to respond Angela’s voice rang through the room. Surprisingly enough, Wooyoung drew me closer to his side instead of removing his arm like I assumed he would. 

“Hi everyone! Guys, you need to start heading off to hair and makeup, meaning it’s time for me to show these lovely ladies back to their seats!” she exclaimed, clasping her hands together. “If you would kindly…” 

There was a slurry of groans throughout the room, all coming from the guys. I sighed myself, not wanting this to end, but alas all good things had to. I tried to stand up, only to have Wooyoung tighten his grip around me and San’s hand to make its way to my thigh, cementing me to the couch. 

“I don’t think it could hurt if they got to see the behind the scenes magic, and I don't think any of us would mind if they stayed a bit longer, right Capt?” Yeosang called, peeking his head out from the fridge as he grabbed a few bottles of water. My head turned towards the table where Christie and Hongjoong were standing, Christie’s face only slightly crestfallen. 

All eyes turned to Hongjoong, his children giving him their best puppy eyes and pouty lips, whining and pleading that we should be allowed to stay until closer to showtime. I was proud of myself and my three best friends as we somehow managed to keep a neutral face, even though I knew all of us had the same thought running through our shared braincell. 

Hongjoong tilted his head down to the ground before bringing it back up to meet Christie’s eyes, smiling and laughing to himself. “And how could I say no to that?” he hummed. He went to address Angela, never looking away from Christie. “Come back thirty minutes before scheduled showtime, just so they have enough time to get comfortable back in their seats and we aren’t rushing pre show... sound good to you, Angela?”

She thought for a moment, clearly debating on whether or not this was a request she could grant, before nodding her head in agreement. “Sounds good to me!” she exclaimed cheerfully, turning on her heels and exiting the room, pulling out her phone and speaking in Korean to someone on the other end. 

The guys all cheered, clapping and making fools of themselves before calming down enough to thank Hongjoong for allowing us to remain in their presence just a little longer. I heard Woo mutter under his breath in Korean, and I swore he said something along the lines of captain must have it bad for this one. My Korean may not be perfect, but I definitely knew enough to be  certain of what I heard. Wooyoung must have seen the look on my face, which I’m sure was one of confusion and wonder, because he shot me the biggest, most maniacal smile.

He brushed back my bangs, tucking a piece of them behind my ears before leaning back towards me, coming dangerously close to my face once again. “You must understand me, otherwise you wouldn’t have made that adorable little face,” he whispered in Korean. His breath was hot against my cheek as I nodded in response. I could hear the smile on his lips as he laughed. “Do you all understand Korean?” He pulled back to watch the expression on my face, waiting patiently for my response. 

It was my turn to tease him a little, a small repayment for his treatment of me thus far. Afterall, How could I not play into this? I placed my hand on his thigh, leaning forward to whisper into his ear as he had done to me so often today. “That’s not my secret to tell, now is it?” I said smoothly in Korean. I leaned back, but not before tucking his own hair behind his ear, smirking all the while. “Just returning the favor.”

“Oh sweetheart, what a fun game this will be. Don’t tell the others… it’s our little secret,” he said quietly, running his thumb along his bottom lip and looking at me through heavy lids. My breath hitched, and Wooyoung’s face shifted to something more mischievous in nature as a toothy grin spread across his face. In typical Woo fashion, he flung his head back, cackling loudly, bringing all attention to him. 

“What secret?” San questioned suddenly, turning his head back to the two of us. He had been talking to Yeosang next to him, but following Woo’s outburst his eyes returned to me. His eyes narrowed while glaring at his best friend who sat still smirking behind me. “What did you do now?” he queried, causing Wooyoung’s smirk to only grow larger. 

Wooyoung stood up. “Nothing you need to worry about, dear Sannie. Just having a bit of fun with our girl here,” he jested. “I’m going to make myself more beautiful, so you better keep your damn hands to yourself while I’m gone.” He gave San one last look before moving towards the door, grabbing Mingi by his shirt collar and pulling him at the door with him. We could hear the annoyance in Mingi’s loud voice echoing from the hallway, yelling at Woo for pulling him away suddenly. 

Nikki, Thea, Christie, and I had all congregated on one of the couches while the members filtered in and out of the green room, returning in various stages of readiness, but all of them making sure we were never left alone. Mingi was the first to return with his makeup done, but not quite dressed. He pulled up a chair beside us, and he and I had a brief conversation about our favorite anime before he was spirited away by San to change. Now that we weren’t tied up by certain members, all of us were given more opportunities to speak to the others. 

The atmosphere in the room had heightened with the anticipation of the concert. Ateez was definitely becoming more energetic, and it was clear to all of us that they truly did love putting on performances for their Atiny. They were joking and laughing, but going out of their way to include us in every step. They had just finished up their vocal warm ups and stretches when Angela reappeared in the doorway, clearing her throat to gain the attention of all of us.

“I actually have to escort the ladies to their seats, we have just over 30 minutes until showtime and you boys are needed for final sound system checks. Plus, I’d like to give the ladies the chance to grab a drink or a snack before they head back to their seats for the evening,” she said, firm with her words. 

“Thank you so much for letting us stay longer,” Thea expressed warmly, turning to face all the guys with a huge smile on her face as she winked in Yunho and Jongho’s direction. “This was absolutely amazing, and it was so nice to meet you all.” 

“This has been an incredible experience, so like Thea said… thank you so much,” Nikki added, smirking at Mingi and Seonghwa before turning to grab her things and walk towards Angela waiting in the doorway.

“Like the girls said, thank you so much for this evening, it’s a night I’m sure we will never forget” Christie chimed as she grabbed her bag, tossing it over her shoulder and sending one last glance over to where Hongjoong and Yeosang were standing. 

“I don’t think there’s really enough thank yous that we could give you,” I remarked, following everyone to the door. “Good luck with the show, not that you need it anyway.” I felt Wooyoung and San’s eyes boring into me as I walked away, and when I turned around their eyes were indeed locked onto my body.

Waves of thank yous came from the guys as they bowed at us slightly, all smiling widely. They filled in behind as another staff member came to collect them. We left in opposite directions, with Ateez being ushered deeper into the arena while we moved towards the stage. I turned my head back one last time as we walked down the now endless hallway, only to meet San’s eyes as he smiled at me.

“Alexis, sweetheart, where is your bag? Did you leave it behind again?” Christie mothered. 

“Fuck…” I muttered. Of course, my bag was nowhere to be found and we didn’t notice until we were about to walk back onto the arena. 

Angela stopped before she opened the door. “That’s something you definitely need, we can all head…”

“Honestly, it’ll be quicker if I just run back there, I remember the way… if it’s okay that I just go? I just hate to keep everyone waiting,” I said hurriedly, embarrassed over the fact that my forgetfulness comes into play at the worst moments.  

Angela chewed the inside of her cheek, debating once more on the proper decision. I’m sure there was something that said we weren’t supposed to be backstage alone, but I also knew that she also was responsible for getting us back onto the arena floor, and quickly too. “That’s fine, I’ll show your friends back to the seats and meet you back here. Just make it quick please… you guys are lucky that I like you,” she added with a small chuckle.  

“Uh, would this be a bad time to say that I need to use the bathroom?” Nikki said meekly, causing the three of us to laugh. Her bladder always had the worst timing. 

Angela sighed. “There’s one just up the hallway and to the left. Christie, Thea, let’s go, and I’ll return for you two in a moment,” she said, ushering Christie and Thea out the side stage door while Nikki and I pivoted to move down the hallway. 

I sped walked, not that that was anything new more, leaving Nikki in the dust behind me. “I’ll see you in a second!” I called back as she went into the bathroom, waving her hand at me to brush me off. I kept my pace as I moved further into the stadium before I finally hit the door I needed. 

There was nobody in the room, but also no sign of my bag. Of fucking course it wouldn’t just be in plain sight. I knew it had to be in here, but I had no clue where to even begin to look for it. I scanned the room frantically, before the realization hit. “You’re a freaking idiot, Lex,” I mumbled to myself as I swiped up on my watch, playing the tone I heard on a near daily basis. 

The familiar dinging seemed to be coming from the couch. “AH HA!” I yelled, moving towards it, getting on my knees to dig in between the couch cushions. It was buried deep within, but with minimal finagling I removed it. I immediately looped it over my shoulder, not wanting to misplace it again. I stood up swiftly, spinning around so I could rush back to meet Angela and Nikki, not wanting to keep them waiting a moment longer, only to run head on into someone’s chest. 

I grunted from the impact, bouncing back and teetering slightly. I felt strong hands fasten onto my waist, steading me instantly, my own finding their way onto the chest in front of me in an effort to help with my balance. I finally looked up to see who I had unintentionally plowed into, only to be met by San’s kind eyes smiling at me. “I am so sorry,” I fumbled, embarrassed once again, but fully loving the position I had found myself in. 

“Nothing to apologize for,” he laughed, brushing my hair off my shoulders onto my back, his hand lingering on my cheek while the one still clutching my waist pulled me in closer,  “I’d catch you any day.” I felt my face heat up, and judging from the smirk on San’s face he noticed it becoming redder by the second. His eyes never left mine, staring so intensely into them that I was grateful that he was supporting me while my legs immediately turned to jelly. A look of pure hunger crossed his face and before I could question it, his lips were crashing onto mine. 

I was absolutely, positively, mindfuckingly shocked, the suddenness leaving me frozen momentarily while my mind fought to catch up. Once my brain finally kicked back in, I was kissing him back, losing myself in the moment.  His lips were everything I imagined them to be: soft and full.  He parted them, grazing his tongue along my lower lip, testing to see how much further he could go. I happily parted mine to let him in, gripping his black jacket tightly while his hand on my cheek looped its way around to the back of my head, wrapping in my hair and deepening the kiss.

He explored my mouth, tentatively at first. He moved slowly, his tongue snaking along with mine at an agonizing pace, as if teasing me. I longed for more, moaning against his mouth as he wound his arm around my waist tightly, drawing our bodies closer together. His hand in my hair tightened, and the kiss moved from being slow and purposeful to being full of hunger and longing. I was lost in San’s embrace, our tongues swirling together perfectly, until a crash just outside the room broke us apart. I was completely breathless. I released San’s jacket, dipping my head down towards the floor, only for San to tilt my chin back up to look at him. His eyes were thick with lust, his lips swollen from the intensity of our kiss. I tried to push myself away from him, not wanting to get caught by whomever was outside the door. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” San purred, pulling me further into his chest instead of doing the logical thing of letting me go. 

I was still in a state of shock. Did I, Alexis, really just make out with Choi San? I forced myself out of my head and back into reality quickly, shaking my head. “I think you have a show to get to, and I need to go before Angela sends out a search party.” I sighed, smiling softly. I could only imagine her walking in on the two of us and what kind of backlash that would cause. Against my better judgment, I removed my palms from his chest to wrap my arms around his neck. Might as well live up this moment while I had it. 

San smiled at the change of my arm placement, wrapping his own arms around my waist snuggly as he leaned in to kiss me softly. “I think they can wait on me… I’m enjoying this far too much,” he began, pressing his lips onto mine again, before suddenly pulling back. There were voices outside the door now, and one of them was very clearly Nikki. She seemed to be conversing with someone, and thankfully the second voice seemed to be growing fainter. San laughed, bowing his forehead into mine. “Maybe they can’t wait on me… guess it is time to go, jagi.”

We broke ourselves apart, but not before San snuck in more kisses along my face, giggling the entire time. He reached for my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine as he led me towards the door, opening it with a dazzling smile only for me. Nikki stood just on the other side, slightly out of breath. Her face was tinged red, wearing an awkward smile that only widened when she saw San and I hand in hand, both of our lips red and swollen.

“Uhh, Hey, Hi. You’re both here. Wow.. Sorry, I tripped over air, nearly face planted into a staff member. I think he was looking for you, San. Maybe?” Nikki began rambling, her telltale sign of nervousness. “ Uh, he walked off that direction… I told him I thought you went that way… but I don't think it will be long before he realizes you aren’t there and comes back here looking… so…yeah,” sShe was mumbling by the end and running her hands through her hair uncomfortably. 

“I guess that’s my cue to go… thanks for covering for me. I really hope you ladies enjoy the show, it's going to be a great one,” he grinned, shooting a wink at Nikki. He tugged me by hand, pulling me nearer so he could place a soft kiss on my cheek. “I’ll see you later, my treasure.” he murmured, casting us one final smile before turning to jog down the hallway. 

“Did he just call you his fucking treasure?” Nikki stammered, face full of confusion as she picked up on the Korean phrase immediately. 

“We had better get moving before Angela sends out a search party, or worse comes to hunt us down herself,” I said with a rush, grabbing Nikki’s hand and pulling her down the hallway. I was hoping to avoid the game of a million and one questions I knew would soon be coming.  

As if on cue, Angela came around the corner looking slightly frazzled. “Ladies!” she exclaimed, walking towards us with a purpose. “I was beginning to think you had disappeared on me and had faded from existence.”

“I am so sorry about that Angela. Honestly, I couldn't find my bag anywhere in the room. Nikki had to come help and we found it buried between the couch cushions. I’m not even sure how it could have ended up there…” I said, laying on the sweetness extra thick as I gave her my most sincere smile, widening my eyes in an attempt to look innocent.  Nikki held back a snort, trying to keep her laughter in.

“Well I’m glad that you found it, now let’s get you both out to your friends so you can enjoy the show,” she responded, sounding a little skeptical, her eyes looking at us with the same tone. She set a decent pace as she guided us back towards the doors she had shown Thea and Christie through, weaving through staff who were hurrying around with last minute tasks. 

Soon enough we found ourselves on the floor, heading in the same direction of the seats from soundcheck. The stadium was packed, and from what I could gather there wasn’t a single empty spot in the house. The sound was already deafening, the energy in the venue soaring and Ateez hadn’t even gotten on stage yet. Lightsticks were flashing all around us, swaying in time to Bouncy as the video played on the big screens lining the stage. 

“Took you long enough, where was your bag…. Alaska?” Thea asked sarcastically, handing me another vodka beverage. “We grabbed you guys another drink.”

“More like her bag was in…” Nikki began to say. I silenced her with a swift punch to the arm, not holding back in the slightest. She looked at me with amusement, giving me an extra bratty look. She opened her mouth to continue, but the screams coming from around us drowned out her words.

The lights dimmed as the opening VCR began to play, and all focus shifted back to the stage and off of me. The first few notes began to play and instantly the crowd was screaming, Halazia wasn’t their typical opener, and the crowd was already showing their appreciation for the song choice. Chaos erupted as fog filled the stage and the spotlights illuminated the boys, the already booming screams becoming louder. 

Their stage presence was insane, and I thought Nikki was drooling when the demon possessed Seonghwa during the famous choreography. All of them danced so gracefully, but danced with such power at the same time. We were screaming along with them. I had to take a video of Christie singing along with them, since she was dressed so perfectly for the song and the Halateez in her was out in full force. They moved on to Answer, and Thea squealed with excitement, raising her lightstick as Jongho hit each highnote.

Next came The Rings, another of my personal favorites. The members finally moved off the main stage and down the runway, lining themselves along the edge of there and the extended stage as the music blasted. Unsurprisingly, San placed himself directly in front of our section, making the girls around us go wild, screaming and barking up at him. Following our spontaneous makeout session, I had enough respect for him to not partake in the shenanigans surrounding me. I craned my head, smiling up at him. His eyes locked onto mine for a moment as the corner of his mouth twitched up into a smile before he bit his lip, his head tilting side to side as he placed his hands behind his back. His eyes never once left mine, looking at me as lustfully as he did in the green room. Screams burst around me, and I heard girls yelling that they swore San looked at them… little did they know. 

The rest of the show was a fever dream, with San constantly making his way towards me. Not only him, but all of the guys seemed to be pulled towards us. Little winks and smiles were sent in our direction frequently. Mingi’s body rolls seemed even more exaggerated during Say My Name, Nikki nearly passing out from the excitement. Thea dropped to her knees during Deja Vu once she witnessed Yunho’s thrusts up close and personal. Hongjoong kneeled and rapped one of his verses from I’m the One directly in front of Christie, his eyes never once leaving hers before he flung his bottle of water on all of us when the chorus dropped. Wooyoung and Seonghwa were front and center during The Leaders, and Wooyoung grinned at me deliberately, whispering his lines, eyes locked on mine like he was only saying them to me. By the time Guerilla had begun all of our voices were beginning to give out, but that did nothing to stop us from screaming BREAK THE WALLS at the top of our lungs. 

The lights turned on for Ateez to bid farewell with their ending ment, all out of breath from the intense choreography. Hongjoong thanked Atiny for being here and spending their night with them, each of the other boys saying something similar as they went down the line. Yeosang seemed to be staring directly in our direction, saying he couldn’t wait to see us all again, before he tore his eyes away from us thanks to Wooyoung kissing his cheek unexpectedly. He spurted in surprise, pulling away from him as the venue laughed along with Seonghwai beside them. Soon enough they were exciting the stage, waving and blowing kisses. Of course, we were all anticipating an encore and hopeful that it would be coming soon. 

“Holy mother of fucking shit,” Thea sputtered, her voice cracking from screaming. “That was amazing.”

I glanced to my left to find Christie standing solemnly, staring blankly at the stage. I stepped over to her, reaching out and hugging her from behind, swaying together softly as I rested my head on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it was just more intense than I thought it would be… I’m just letting my brain catch up,” she responded, smiling faintly as she rested her hands on my arms around her. “Nothing to be concerned with.”

Once Christie’s brain settled, we all began chatting with the other Atiny around us, lamenting over the show and discussing all of our favorite parts. I could feel Nikki’s eyes every time someone mentioned San, not to mention her laughing at outloud when one girl said San had been staring at her all night, swearing up and down that she was going to find a way to get into those tight pants of his tonight following meet and greet. I glared at her, giving her my best bitch face, knowing that Thea and Christie had both picked up on the fact that something was going on between her and I. 

“Ladies!” a familiar voice called. Angela was beckoning us over to her, excitedly waving at us with both hands. 

“What in the hell could she possibly need from us now?” Christie whispered to me as the four of us zigzagged through the people around us to get to her. 

She was beaming at us as we approached, motioning for us to follow her back through the side door we had been in and out of multiple times today, removing us from the chatter of the arena so we could hear her easily. “You must have made quite the impression on these men… they just asked if you would join them for their post concert meal.”

“They did what now?” Nikki’s surprised voice broke out, using my back to support her as she leaned in closer to Angela, looking at her with utter disbelief.

“Dinner! I just need your lodging information… they’ve requested that a car pick you up and take you to the restaurant once they are done with post-concert meet and greet,” Angela chuckled, her clipboard up and ready, pen in hand to take down our information. “I’ll also need at least one of your phone numbers, that way I can text you an ETA.” 

Thea, Nikki, and Christie’s eyes all turned to me. Damn being the responsible one, although in this case I had no complaints over my status. “How could we say no to an offer like that!” I exclaimed, taking out my phone to give her the address to our AirBnB and my number.

She scribbled it down quickly, smiling the entire time. “Perfect! Meet and greet usually lasts about an hour after the show, but you guys should have plenty of time to change and settle before the car gets there.” She pulled her phone out of her blazer pocket, typing something. My watch vibrated, receiving a text from an unknown number. “If you need anything before that, text or call… now, get back out there! Encore should be starting at any moment.” 

She didn’t need to tell us twice. Thea practically sprinted at the door, dragging poor Christie behind her. Nikki grabbed my wrist, pulling me away as I yelled a quick thank you to Angela, who waved softly before pulling out her phone and calling someone once again before she disappeared down the hallway.

“What was that about? More special VIP privileges?” the annoying twit from earlier spat as we made our way back to our seats. 

Nikki opened her mouth, beginning to raise her finger, but Christie stepped in front of her, silencing her and turning to face the girl who had the audacity to get snarky. “Yes, actually. If you must know, we were invited to join them for a post concert meal. Just a perk of being real VIP’s and you know… being adorable and all that shit. So please, enjoy your measly little meet and greet,” Christie shot back at her, not bothering to hide the venom in her words. The girl opened her mouth to respond but the lights dimmed, pulling all attention back to the stage where Ateez quickly made their presence known. Microphones had been placed along the mainstage while the VCR played, allowing for them to transition smoothly into Turbulence as they took their places. 

The encore was performed with just as much energy, and just as much interaction towards us, the anticipation for dinner growing with each passing wink and smile. When The Real’s dance break finally ended, Ateez disappeared off stage for the final time, their voices still saying ‘I love yous’ and ‘thank yous’ even from backstage. Now, it was time for us to fight the throngs of people leaving the venue. I led the way, my long strides setting a fast pace as I drug everyone along, forcing them to keep up. The four of us were linked together, taking extra care to not lose Thea along the way. She had a habit of getting lost in seas of people, and we had no time to waste trying to find her. 

“I’ve never been more happy to have VIP parking,” Nikki said when we finally reached the car. Thanks to my near sprinting speed, we arrived in record time, beating a vast majority of people out of the stadium. Not only that, we would have a much easier time exiting from this section of the parking garage, meaning we wouldn’t hit as much traffic on our way out. 

Nikki pulled out of the parking spot like a bat out of hell, cutting off cars left and right. Thea was clutching onto the handle and center console for dear life, screaming oh shit at the top of her lungs with each swerve. Christie and I were so used to Nikki’s driving at this point that it barely phased us, both of us laughing at the frightened look on Thea’s face. Once we were on the interstate and out of traffic, Thea calmed down enough that chatter amongst us resumed, discussions of what in the hell we were going to wear to this damn dinner.

“Alexis, be the responsible one you are and text Angela to ask where we are eating,” Nikki requested , her eyes locked on the speedometer as it revved to nearly 90mph. 

“Well, that would be a responsible thing to do, wouldn’t it?” I murmured, shooting Angela a text and asking so we knew what to wear. She responded quickly. “All she said was nowhere fancy, casual dress would suffice. But, that doesn’t mean sweats or leggings, Nikki, no matter how good they make your ass look.”

“Back with the gah damn compliments?” she scoffed, not hiding the annoyed tone. 

We all laughed, and discussions switched back to the concert. This talk was short lived due to Nikki’s Nascar worthy driving, and within 25 minutes we were back at our cozy BnB. We all rushed towards the door, Thea fumbling with the lock pad five times before Christie shoved her aside to get it on the first try. 

My watch went off again as soon as we barrelled into the house. “Hey guys…car will be here in about 40 minutes,” I yelled, looking down as the message came in. Everyone had already sped off into their rooms, excitement and adrenaline coursing through us from the concert and now this coveted dinner invitation. 

I rushed into mine as well, beelining for my suitcase. “What to wear… what to wear…” I mumbled as I crouched down, tearing through the clothes within it. I did not have dinner with idols on my k-pop bingo card, and I felt woefully underprepared with the clothes that were in my suitcase. Not only that, I was going to be face to face with dear Santini again, who just 3 hours ago had his tongue down my throat. I immediately began running through potential scenarios in my head, running through fake scripts so that I hopefully wouldn’t be an awkward mess in front of everyone. I was still impressed that I handled myself so well following said secret makeout, but I couldn’t help but feel oddly comfortable with San. 

I finally settled on a pair of dark wash, loose fit ripped jeans, and a backless white tank bodysuit. The straps were knotted at the top, giving it a little more character. I ran into the bathroom, triple checking my makeup and makeup. Not a thing was out of place, thankfully, thanks to the phenomenal setting spray Christie recommended to me. The new outfit paired well with the concert makeup thankfully, not I would have had a chance to redo it even if I wanted to. I fluffed up the waves in my hair before I reapplied some deodorant, before I grabbed a pair of white strappy sandals, hopping into the living room as I hurried to put them on.

Christie was sitting on the couch, wearing a pair of dark wash skinny jeans paired with a billowy forest green silk tank top tucked in the front. She kept her thigh high black boots on for a little extra height.  She had redone her hair slightly, pulling it half up, half down with wisps of hair hanging loose to frame her face. The pieces pulled attention to her freshly reapplied red lip.

Thea came rushing into the room shortly after me. She had chosen a pair of high waisted black denim shorts, buttons lining the front, paired with a soft gray, cropped halter top and black slip on Vans. She had piled half of her hair on top of her head in an adorable messy bun, accentuating her neck even more.   

“Anybody need a shot before we head over there?” Nikki yelled from the kitching before appearing in the living room with a bottle of soju in each hand. She was in black skinny jeans, tucked into her chunky black boots, and a semi-sheer plum v-neck t-shirt. Her hair was still down and grazing her hips. She took a swig from one of the bottles before setting her eyes onto me, a wicked grin spreading across her face. I shook my head at her, but it was too late. “So Miss, Alexis, Anything in particular you would like to share with the class now that we’re all gathered here?”

Thea and Christie’s head snapped towards me as my face flushed for the millionth time today. “What does that mean?” Christie questioned, concerned eyes flicking between Nikki and me. 

I sighed. Fuck. I glared at Nikki, who continued to smile like a madwoman at the chaos she had caused. “Well… uh… my bag…”

[whythewords]

In all unfairness

Hard to say what I'm feeling these days... That's a lie, all I do is talk about my feelings. It's never been more apparent how desperately I need to go back to therapy.

I'm keying this entry into my chosen notes app on my phone while on a plane...but much unlike the last time I did this, I am not on my way to Japan for the trip of a lifetime and a journey of self-discovery. Instead, I'm heading to Quebec for a 3 day work trip as part of a job I stopped liking all that much some time ago now. Our agenda is a lot fuller than last year's work trip, but realistically how much could I complain about being put up at a bougie resort. I brought my Nintendo Switch and plenty to entertain me during after hours. I sense there's gonna be less fraternizing with my co-workers when I don't have to this time around, but we'll see.

Either way, I applied for the local municipality gig and I'm feeling decent about that. It's a step closer to where I wanna be, I think. It's progress, and any progress is good progress right now.

Wish I could say the same for dating. I had a date this past Thursday night that may go down in history as one of my worst experiences on these apps thus far...but it didn't start that way.

I drove all the way out to Oshawa to meet this girl, (but in fairness, I did offer to come out her way as I often do on these first dates). She arrived at the bar and she looked, honestly stunning...better than her photos by a country mile which is something that definitely does not normally happen. She sat down and we got to talking. The conversation was flowing, I was making her laugh, it felt fun, and free and flirty. All my misgivings about "making a move" with the last girl I dated through the apps had lead me to awkwardly move in for the kiss on the third date. That nervous energy wasn't present here, or at least it wasn't the same. We were 20 minutes in before I confidently thought to myself: "this is working! There's a really good chance I make out with this girl...tonight!" Oh, if I only knew what was coming...

As we're getting ready to leave the bar, she steers the conversation toward politics, and as it turns out, she seems to think that society has been making too big a deal out of this whole racism thing (this take was particularly wild being that she was a biracial woman). Then she begins with the transphobic rhetoric of "someone can't be something just because they say they are" and other fun statements like that. My heart sank. This was the first time I had felt a real, exciting, solid connection with someone, pretty much since my ex-wife. We were VIBING HARD as the kids say...and in an instant it turned out she was not at all the kind of person I could see myself in a relationship with. I felt so very defeated, like the universe had just played a sick joke on me.

That lingered on my mind for several days...it's still there really. I was thinking that after an experience like that it was definitely time to pack it up and take a hiatus from the apps again, lord knows I've decided take a break from them for a lot less. Oddly enough though, I didn't. I don't know if it's apathy, or perhaps some last little flickering light of unwavering hope somewhere inside of me, but I took a deep breath and asked myself: why leave? Why leave if I'm just going to end up right back here anyway? I think I know what I want. I know I want to be in love again. Why not just...keep trying to figure it out? The girl I mentioned in my last entry here is still in the mix, the date just got postponed...and there are some other prospects. So why not just...continue?

So for now I will. After all, the world looks pretty small right now from this plane. My person is bound to be out there somewhere right?

They gotta be.

[wayvsphantom]

ok hihihi im home from kcon so i wanna write everything i felt n saw before i forget it lmaoooo

nmixx: honestly super cute!! i didnt know the TWO songs they did but they were fun little summertime bops! i was up and moving for their "the feels" twice cover tho and i thought i was sick of that song shout out to the girlies for performing it really well!

ive: ok i dont know if my section is just women hating or women defending but my whole row sat down for their TWO songs and everyone got on their phones (including me!) instead of watching. I was genuinely upset and angry that the stylists for ive put them (actual minors, actual schoolgirls) in slutty schoolgirl uniforms, furthering the sexualization of minors needlessly and im glad people around me were also not supportive of it. anyway i heard them perform kitch (got literally no love from my section) and love dive (slightly more love from my section) but pls can they get some help im tired of seeing them do an overly sexual love dive dance break in slutty outfits when they are actual minors

cravity: they had good energy! i didnt know their TWO songs but they had good vibes and worked really hard!

taeyong: ok i thought i wasnt gonna vibe w his set but he came onstage and i LOST MY FUCKING MIND!!! like he really just has a star energy on stage it cant be stopped like he was my first ever nct bias and hes everyones bias for a reason!!! also shalala was so fun live the bass shook my bones fr ! taeyong you were great !! he should be really proud of that performance (of his TWO songs)

shownu n hyungwon: ok i did not realize how much i loved them until they performed on stage they were both so fucking good ?? like i fully need a mx tour bc i wanna see them so bad now ?? they peformed those TWO songs w such a fun sexy grown man energy that i was deeply missing lmao 10/10 pls come back to LA

wayv <3: OK U KNOW IM SOFT ON THEM BUT OMG THEY WERE SO FUCKING CRAZY GOOD WEISHENV U WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS THEY CAME OUT TO SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAMS I COULDNT BREATHE I WASNT READY AND THEN IT WAS A NEW SONG (that i was not feeling i cant lie) BUT THEN I FOUND OUT IT WAS THE KCON THEME SONG OR WHATEVER so i was able to breathe again.... anyway fake out over they came back later in the night and they WE4RE INSANE!!! LOVE TALK!!! U WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS!!! EVERYONE KN EW EVERY GODDAMN WORD TO THAT FUCKING SONG!! I was getting teary wayv u r not a flop u are the most famous group in the world!!! xiaojun is unreal pretty btw also yangyang and hendery.... omg TEN!!! TEN IS SO TALENTED AND PRETTY!! also i fully understand the winwin hype now i would die to protect that man ok okokokokokokok INCREDIBLE!!! they also gave us eng ver of phantom she was cute too!! the dance break finale gave me chills omg but i was missing kun :/ wish they couldve at least mentioned him but whatever.... WAYV WORLD TOUR ASAP

taemin <3: honestly the greatest performer ive ever seen live like holy shit thats a once in a lifetime talent right in front of me like yes i am very biased that is my ult right there but like he truly cannot ever be replicated. he came out swinging w advice and the boom that was "NEVER GET THE KEYS TO MY LOCK" the crowd was readdyyyyyyy and after advice this man got a 5min standing ovation every single person there recognized his god given gift to serve and it was incredible to see LITERALLY FUCKING CRAZY AND THEN THIS MAN GETS ON THE GROUND AND WE'RE DOING FUCKING CRIMINAL??? THE SONG THAT MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY?? and he even did the slutty little cuff removing w mouth move and i lost my v oice screaming so hard i feel so lucky to have seen that my life cannot get better anywayyyyyy MOVE!!! WE MOVED!!! HE MOVED THEY MOVED I MOVED WE ALL MOVED!!! THE GIRL THE MYTH THE LEGEND THE MOVEEEEEEEEEEE!!! those hips.......... yeasssss......... !!!!! he was swinging that concave ass like his life depended on it! he was also soooo flustered from everyone going insane like ik he wasnt expecting it taemin you will be famouus for a thousand years babygirl and he said big shinee news coming soon so !!! soooo!!! world tour!!!!

ok i think i hit every group i will unpack the wayv m&g too but i just had to get this all out kcon will pay for their crimes of 2 song every artist like i'll never go to kcon again or recommend it to anyone but i had fun!