#travelsanddancing

[sonyadance]

Travels and Dancing and Life 23

Since there are less travels in this season of life, I decided to add an important piece to the title.  Well, you’d have to have been following me in details for years to notice and care about a difference, which I think makes two of you, but!  Details are important. (and punctuating your texts however the hell you want to.)  You’re welcome.

I left you last time with my move into my super handsome, awesome boyfriend’s place.  Well, it’s still awesome.  I foresee a lifetime of happiness for me.  Finally.  I told him he was stuck with me unless he left.  Lucky man.  Anyway, I had a gig planned in Spokane.  What an interesting place!  I can most definitely say that it’s not a place I particularly knew of or that I had on my list of places to visit, but I had a blast.  As always, how can you not when you travel to do the thing you love, meeting people who have the same passion and are so eager to welcome you in their community?  My best friend Kim drove down from British-Colombia, Canada to meet me two days early so we could spend some time.  I was so happy to see her, yet, something was off.  We both left a bit disappointed.  I was wondering if it was possible to have grown apart after being friends for more than half your life???  It was pretty harsh.  Kim wrote me a month after to clear the air and I’m happy she did: I didn’t know she felt the same… I think I was just so exhausted from a summer running around trying to make up for lost time after my surgery, that I didn’t have any empathic bone left in my body and was so on edge that nobody could get to me and connect.  Now that I think about it, I had seen a great longtime friend of mine during the summer and it was the same kind of off vibe: you know when you’re the common denominator… 

After she left, I started teaching privates and workshops to the westies of Spokane.  It is a small, welcoming and warm community.  We had one dance and the next night we went to the last opened night of a gastropub owned by one of the dancer.  I was served a delicious vegan meal prepared specially for me; it was delicious!  I had the chance to explore town and Pig in the park with food and music and it was the 50th anniversary of Expo74.  What a treat.  The last night, we were invited to Arbor Crest winery.  It is a beautiful winery located on a hill, overlooking the city.  We had the chance to see a concert, drink delicious wine and have a private tour of the property.  I couldn’t imagine a better ending to a weekend!

The weekend after, I had kept free to be able to be at one of my boyfriend’s best friend’s marriage.  Wow.  That was hard to write.  Alex had a beautiful group of about ten guy friends that have known each other since high school, Cegep or their early twenties and they managed to see each other every other week, plan chalets, do birthdays and be there for important step stones.  I wish I had that… but I understand I left and travelled and picked another life that didn’t allow for that type of connections and habits to be built.  I think mostly habits.  When I came back to Montreal, it wasn’t because I wanted to be there, it was because I was ready to step in a new part of my life where relationships are more important than work.  I was hoping to maybe find a love relationship, but certainly to work on friendships, family connections, and community.  Well, turns out most everybody that asked me to come back throughout the years and that were missing me are too busy to see me.  It makes sense: the way we have constructed life in North America is non-stop busyness.  So, you run around to work, trying to take care of your family, hoping you have time for a couple workouts and, who knows, a hobby, and by the end of the week, you’re exhausted and you need a break, which you only get if you’re lucky.  You try to maintain a couple friendships with people who have been there for you through the years, and… I’m not part of that, I was gone.  That includes my family.  Do I regret coming back?  Not yet. ;-)  I understand that the relationships I thought would be are not it and that I have to focus on new ones; I found my partner; I’m there for my family through news of cancer, other disease, accidents, financial hurdle (it’s been quite a year since I’m back);I have a couple of friends I hang out with that I love; and I’m putting efforts towards the community.  I believe I get what I deserve and for now that means I need to put effort in showing the traits of characters that people didn’t know me to have before: being a community person, working on interdependence, teamwork, reliability, and much more.  I hope after almost two years as I wrote this letter, people are starting to see it.

All that to say that I went to a wedding!  Lol  I called it the first “real” wedding I went to a few times, and one of my friend asked me: “What is a real wedding?”, to which I enumerated a few qualities.  My boyfriend then said: “But you went to yours.”  Ouch.  Ok. Lollll  Point taken.  Anyways, it was a beautiful wedding, in a cozy venue.  It poured down, but everybody played well.  They brought the ceremony inside, the vows were beautiful, the cocktails were on point, they had really cool games, and most importantly: PEOPLE DANCED!  How lucky am I/are we (if you are in the same situation, which I assume if you are reading this) to have friends that dance?  I would be so sad if all my activities were sitting and consuming things.  I love the fact that my friends will dance, sing, scream stupidity, come to a burlesque show with me, throw axes, do karaoke, and EXPERIENCE life!  Honestly, that’s what makes it worth it for me (and I’m realizing it as I write it).  I don’t want to watch life pass me by like an old person sitting on a porch, watching people walk by like the never ending flow of a river you never step foot in; I want to live it!  I want to jump in the river and make a fool of myself, get messy, meet other swimmers, and see where it takes us.  Who knew retelling a wedding would make me poetic like this?

Months before this, a woman wrote me to have a private lesson at an event.  Great!  Have you danced before?  You’re from out of town?  I have danced before, never wcs, and I live in Yellowknife!  It was a really nice encounter, we had a beautiful lesson and we parted ways.  She contacted me again as she was passing by Montreal to have a lesson.  We had a good time, she left, and she asked me if I wanted to come teach lessons in Yellowknife.  Absolutely!  Wow, there is wcs in Yellowknife???  No… but there will be.  So a couple of things before we keep going.  First, if you don’t know where YK is, it’s wayyyy north in Canada… which is already north.  Second, if you don’t know me, I don’t like the cold.  I didn’t want to come back to Canada mainly for this: I don’t want to go through winters again (last one was pretty tame I must say).  I like warm weather, sun on my skin, heat.  So I would never think of going north for a vacation.  When I heard that people were paying more than 2000$ to go north in the off chance that they’d see a northern light… I couldn’t relate less.  Nonetheless, I will always say yes to being invited somewhere new, to teach and explore.  I landed in a beautiful, sunny YK, and I had to go take a nap.  My body was still recuperating apparently.  I woke up to go eat fish at the most known local place: Bullock’s.  It looks like a shack from the outside… and well, honestly from the inside too.  They have fish with fries and salad or fish with fries and salad or fish with fries and salad… well, you get the gist.  I normally don’t eat fish: I’m mostly vegan, but when in Rome…  It was delicious and a great experience.  I saw the harbor and went to bed, absolutely forgetting to put an alarm through the night to see northern lights because I was so tired and I wanted to be at my best for teaching!  The next day, I had privates and workshops all day, followed by a nice dinner at a Thai restaurant and a dance with the courageous people who had just learned wcs for hours on the same day and decided to show up and boogie!  I just love that energy!  I went back home thinking I would put an alarm and decided to see some lights, the forecast was good.  Right before I went to bed, the organizer wrote me and said: “Go outside, there is a show.”  And a show it was!  Wow!  I can’t explain the feeling.  I knew auroras moved, but not like that: they actually dance!  I had seen the faintest of one in Island for my birthday a few years back, and they had told me that wasn’t it, but I was still impressed, not knowing what it could me.  Now that?  That was… magical.  2000$ to see that???  Yes.  Absolutely.  I get it now.  And that was just from my balcony downtown, imagine from the forest with no city lights at all!  The next day was filled with privates with amazing people.  The organizer had told me she was going to set up privates for me, but I had thought: with who?  Everybody is new, they just have done a four hours intensive the day before, their brains are going to be full.  Apparently people are as passionate up there as anywhere else, or they are bored cause there is nothing else to do… to be confirmed.  I might be mixing the days, but that night, we went to two of the dancers place and they had cooked probably the most delicious vegan lasagna I have ever had, garlic bread, we had brought delicious ice cream from a local shop, good wine.  It was a blast.  The organizer had asked me if homemade food was ok for the weekend or if I preferred restaurant.  Are you kidding?  I feel so taken care of and honored when people cook for me: homemade food anytime (except maybe if the person cooks like me then restaurant might be better).

I had one day left to explore and best believe I made the most of it!  I started with a walk through town (downtown is a big word for this place really) to go get a warm local coffee.  I then went to the Prince of Wales museum, which has a free entrance, and tells you the history of the North West Territories (Canada has provinces and territories like USA has states).  I walked the long walkway around one of the lake through town, went through old town, climbed the tiny hill to get a view of the harbor, and the organizer came to pick me up for a hike.  I have to admit I was expecting a strenuous hike and was mentally prepared for it: it was anything but arduous, but extremely beautiful.  A walk through the woods, giant rocks (I love rocks), a view of Cameron’s falls, crossing the river on a bridge, laying on rocks with the sound of the water while eating chocolate.  Perfect.  We came back for me to have a massage I scheduled with the boyfriend of one of the girl who was visiting from Quebec!  It was delicious.  We ate pizza and then… I had mentioned that I loved exploring and that if something comes up, I’ll do it, but that I was extremely scared of water especially at night and not really at ease in general with the outdoors, something I want and am working on.  For example, going on a big hike, in the middle of nowhere, by myself is more stress inducing than soothing.  So we went kayaking, at night, on the main lake where people have boat houses.  We paddled to a floating sauna!!!  Built by one of the local.  You get there, park your kayak on the edge of the 2 feet platform, take some wood from the back, start a fire inside the wooden cabin that is so well insulated that after 10m you sweat like a pig, you then jump in the lake to refresh yourself (which I was also afraid of lake sharks as we joked about), and when you come out… you are in the middle of the lake, nobody around, and there is a freaking light show above your head!  The lights came out again for my last night.  One looked like a dome above us.  It was really magical (I know I’ve used that same word earlier to describe the same thing, but that’s what it is.  I guess I could have said majestic also.  The two majestic things I saw in my life were: northern lights and swimming five feet away from a whale and her baby.)  I can say that trip was a success on all fronts.

Being home.  Having a home (I was on the road travelling and living out of my suitcase for years before that) has the advantage that you can have people over.  So I had my second housewarming party in a year (faithful to my habits, I had been in Montreal for a year and a half at that point, but already live in three different houses/apartments/condos).  People from both sides of my family were there, some close friends and it was a blast.  The next day, I threw my boyfriend and the dog out for a girl’s day with a Eros presentation.  It was a lot of fun and although it lasted six hours; it was too short to catch up on everything we needed to tell each other.  I also had the chance to bring my partner to the concert of his favorite artist visiting Montreal: Kygo.  I didn’t know I liked him before and couldn’t see the point in going to see a DJ live, but the show was really well put together, interesting, full of visuals, and great surprises.  I’m putting all the weekends home in a bunch, but between those occasions, and being present for friends and family members birthdays, which I haven’t been in years because I was gone… that’s what makes the decision to come back and stay in one place worth it.  I have been travelling less than I’d like to just for a month as I’m writing this and I’m already feeling it.  So it’s definitely something I have to be careful with moving forward, to make sure I keep that side alive.

Another weekend I had booked off six months in advance to make sure I could show up for it, was a chalet with all the women on one side of my family.  I left earlier on Friday to walk at the Rawdon’s falls area and read my book laying on some boulders (I told you I liked rocks, they are always warm and welcoming… I have a weird relationship with them I guess.  I can’t be the only one, no?).  I got to the chalet early and read some more while waiting for the crew to arrive.  It’s so important to spend time between women, interesting discussions arise that wouldn’t in another context.  We made the meals together, ate great food, talked into the night, sang karaoke until 2am, had a lot of wine, celebrated one of the girl’s birthday, and went for a hike.  It all fell way too short, but still satisfying.

Montreal Westie Fest was next in line.  I hadn’t done an event in a while, the last one was New England Dance Festival at the beginning of August.  I do a lot of weekend workshops lately, they are better financially, but events are better for visibility.  I get sad lately wondering what happened to my career.  I mean, before CoCo, I was travelling all over the world every weekend.  Years ago, in a partnership with Stephen, but for years after that as a solo female professional.  Covid happened and I didn’t have a partner to create with and post on social media, so I created a bunch of offers for solo followers, I trained in pole and aerial to stay fit, I kept teaching online… but when things picked up again, nothing.  And I have to admit, I don’t want to be gone every weekend like I did before, but one or two a month would be perfect with the business I’m building in Montreal also.   But it’s like if somewhere along the line, I’ve lost my value for events.  Even if I know I am a great teacher, when people see and experience my teaching in group lessons, workshops or privates, they hire me for more; that point doesn’t seem to count as valuable for events.  I am not on social media enough to be seen, I don’t have a partner I create and inspire people with, if there is an Invitational division, I will put up a show and generally place, but if it is a Champion division, my name doesn’t make it to the finals, so I don’t get to showcase anything.  I miss having a partner.  I miss creating at my level, inspiring people, getting inspired myself, making a difference in the dance and being part of its evolution.  But maybe that ship has sailed.  Let me know if you’ve read until now if you have ideas for me to add value to the international community (I am doing a lot locally, which is new for me, and working very well).  All that to say, MWF was a blast as always.  I topped my record of privates in an event weekend (18!).  I could have done more, but had to say no, which I hate doing, but I physically couldn’t.  Workshops went great, the dancing was on point, the all-American JnJ was a blast and I definitely went off in the Invitational.  If you know, you know.

I had more occasions of being with friends at home, my friends, Alex’s friends, visiting someone’s new house in Ste-Adèle, going to Christmas Markets with my best friends and seeing an epic Quebecer band live.  I also am the queen of finding free events to attend.  So with a couple friends, we had the chance to see the international final of a Spoken word contest… for free!  My friend’s kid was amazing.  After a few performances, he turned to us and said: “When does it start?”  Ok, the spoken words art wasn’t a success with the kids, but with the adults, yes!  I also got us tickets for the recording of a show, which is basically a live concert with epic Quebecer artist: Valaire, Boom Desjardins, Dubmatique, Laura Malia, Aswell… two hours of great music, some drinks, my friends getting pulled on stage to dance, and we finished the evening at one of my friend’s place where his wife was having a party.  Oh what a night!  I went to a line dance competition in a small town in Quebec and had a taste of the beautiful country dance culture we have around here.  I finally saw the Rocky Horror Picture Show! I organized more guided practice for Montreal westies, I taught group lessons, workshops, intensives and privates in town, and I organized my first Westie Café!  I had been wanting to do that for a year: a Sunday afternoon dance for those who can’t come out at night because of work schedule, kids, and preferences.  We have an hour of class, and two hours of dancing.  I serve coffee, fruits, pastries, people can bring their kids, we talk, we dance and we connect.  It has been a success the first couple times and I hope it continues like that!!

For Halloween, I was in Toronto with one of my favorite person: Nelson Clarke!  Anytime I can, I try to get him with me on contracts or just be around him because I know it’s going to be a great weekend.  The organizer and many people there were also friends, since I live in Toronto for the majority of 2022.  I was teaching an intermediate workshop on Friday by myself.  I got there and there were… about 18 followers and 1 lead?!  The theme of the class was call and answer. Loll  Let me tell you, I had to do a last minute reset so everybody could dance their role, practice and learn something.  Saturday was packed with privates and workshops with Nelson, and we ended on Sunday morning with the advanced dancers.  It was a quick and busy weekend and I was hungry all the time… which brings us to the next part.

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TRIGGER WARNING

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I came back from the weekend and still didn’t have my period (I know, random topic to bring out).  We had done fertility testing with my partner during the year and the results weren’t really bright.  So we organized ourselves, I had to clear my schedule for a few months to be in town, and we had to save money to start IVF.  That was the only possibility in having kids… So Monday morning comes, I am really late, I also know it’s impossible for me to get pregnant, it’s a bit confusing, but I decide to do a pregnancy test despite everything, knowing it would be negative.  Well, it wasn’t.  My partner and I were so confused and also elated.  And I had no clue what to do.  I had spent the last few months researching in every minute of free time, every book, every podcast, every article, I could get my hands or ears on about fertility, in the hopes of understanding the 10 000 medical terms thrown at us, and hoping it helped us to make the best decision possible; but I hadn’t researched anything about what to do when you’re pregnant.  I took another test to be sure, they were both positive in a second, I called some people who told me to get on a waitlist for daycares (the waitlists are years long in Quebec), and for birthing houses if that’s what I wanted to do.  We couldn’t get a hold of any doctor to get any appointments for a follow-up (thank you free healthcare), but we finally had an appointment for December.  I started doing research, thinking of reorganizing the house, making lists of what we’d need, imagining having an argument with my teenage kid in a few years’ time, being happy I wasn’t at The Open, because initially I was supposed to be doing fertility, but now it was even better: I wasn’t there because I had a little chia seed growing in my belly! 

Some of you know, you feel like shit or all sorts of things in the first trimester, but you’re happy to feel like shit because it’s for a greater cause.  A few weeks after that, I started to feel better physically… ok… is that good or terrible?  I am happy to feel better, but worried it means something is off.  You do research, they say it’s normal, you don’t necessarily have symptoms in the first trimester… but I had…  Then, one day, I had some light pink on the toilet paper after going to the bathroom.  They say it’s normal, it can happen.  Online I mean, cause there are still no doctors available to talk to.  So you wait and try to breather and tell yourself not to freak out, that everything is ok.  Two days later, I have bad cramps, I go to the bathroom and there is a lot of blood.  I’m panicking.  It’s the night, no point in sitting in the emergency room and wait for twelve hours (not an exaggeration in Quebec) while I’m bleeding, we’ll call in the morning.  I just had a place in a birthing house.  We get an appointment, they say they can’t see, they’ll send us to the hospital for an ultrasound.  I’m bleeding, they need to draw blood, but nobody can get the vein: fours nurses, one clinic and an hospital, nine missed draw and one successful one.  I see that something is off at the ultrasound, nobody wants to tell me: the doctor will tell you.  Back for another appointment at the clinic: maybe you just did a mistake in the dates.  Yes, but I’m bleeding and cramping and I don’t see a foetus on the ultrasound.  We’ll do more tests.  A week and a half, ten blood draws, nine missed ones, ten clinic and hospital appointments, six ultrasounds, liters of blood, my body not managing to expulse, having to take the pills that create horrendous pain (well, you’re having contractions like if you’re giving birth, except you don’t have the happy outcome to look forward to.  Btw, for those who are against abortions, I wouldn’t have had to be able to have the treatment my body needed if I was in a place were that was illegal).  One more scraping, one more ultrasound, to make sure everything is out, one and a half week or work missed with no income, having to deal with the physical pain, and now it’s time to catch back on all the missed work, so no time to process.  And now I have to watch The Open with a flat belly and not knowing what just happened.  I’m so happy there were three routines I choreographed and coached that made podiums because… it was a rough one.  Now, I don’t know how I feel.  I still haven’t had time to process.  I need a break.  Maybe I’ll get one for the Holidays.

Moral support:

To end this, I want to say that there are always two ways (or more) to view things and to present them.  When I post on social media, I want it to be helpful, informational and/or spread positivity and joy.  Sometimes life is not all that. 

So I could present my year in two ways:

2024: traveling, dancing, meeting new people, reconnecting with old friends, being there for my family, meeting the love of my life and moving in, getting pregnant, being part of a community and helping it grow.

2024: removal of a wisdom tooth that went poorly, infection, loss of income, sickness, cancer in the family, financial problem in the family, surgery and another loss of income, no partner for the Open, no dancing at my level, exhaustion, a miscarriage and another loss of income, feeling like I’ve lost my worth in the community.

Neither one is right, neither one is wrong.  We obviously choose what we want to present to the world, but we have to choose how we look at things and encompass everything.  It’s often easier to remember the bad, our brains somehow want to imprint it more than the good, but we also have to take it into account.  No life is perfect, everybody makes life choices and consequences come with it.  There are also seasons of luck and seasons where we are extremely unlucky that have nothing to do with decisions we made (I don’t think anybody deserves to be sick or lose a loved one).  So next time you look at someone’s life on social media and you think that you would like to be in their shoes, remember two things: first, their shoes are also full of shit; second, if there are elements of that person’s life you really want in yours, work to rearrange that part of your life so you have it!

Thank you for everyone who’s been there for me and with me this year.  You know who you are and I love you.

[sonyadance]

Travels and Dancing 22.5

From Sweden, I decided to take care of one of my bucket list item.  I don’t have many items of this style (travels) left since those are the ones I decide to tick off first.  I just always made sense with travelling the world for work to find a way to make random destinations fit in between gigs, the best one yet has been managing to get to Easter Island, Santiago, and Mendoza after teaching in Tahiti, before an energetic training in Bolivia in Lake Titicaca, and before going to teach in Buenos Aires!  What is left now are a few trips I added that I can do or not, maybe when I’m retired or when it makes sense, and long term items like having a kid, learning another language, maybe playing piano, studying… well, I won’t say too much, you’ll see when it happens.  Croatia had been on my list for too long.  I tried to make it happen in 2019, but it didn’t work, then Covid, 2023 didn’t work also for different reasons, and now I was like: I almost don’t go to Europe anymore, I have to make it happen!  I have to admit that I rushed into it and it was poorly planned.  At first, I had hoped Nelson would join me, but he already had other plans, then I thought maybe my boyfriend could, but it didn’t make sense, and then I thought of asking my amazing friend Greet: we used to see each other every second year max through hers and my travels, but with covid and me travelling less, her trying to stay in Europe to minimize environmental impact of travelling, well, we hadn’t seen each other in… 5 years?  I had to buy my Sweden flight to I bought a multi-destinations back from Zagreb.  I definitely could have planned better, go south, drive up the coast the few days that I was waiting for my friend, but I spent a few chill days exploring Zagreb.  Absolutely love the city.  Even during a heatwave.  I was supposed to meet my friend at 10am on the Thursday to leave for the coast, but she missed her train.  No worries, reconvene for 5pm, get the rental car and start driving.  We met at 6pm and there was a message for us in the rental car business window: they had waited for us, but were gone (even if closing time was 8pm).  Ensued a race for a rental car that we wouldn’t need to pay 400 euros for and that we could get that evening to not lose any Airbnbs we had another reservations along the way.  After much talk, we managed to pay the guy from the first place to come back and reactive our reservation.  Anyway, after a great start full of adventures, we managed to drive to Plitvice Lakes.  We slept a few hours in a cozy room and left early to visit the park.  We had read that it was full, but omg… I’ve never felt so far from nature while being so close to it: just throngs of tourists on a single wooden boardwalk, stopping to take pictures and creating traffic to a complete halt.  Honestly, not the best part of the trip.

 It’s beautiful, but… we drove to Pag where we were going to stay for three days.  That part was awesome: waking up early to go swim and lounge at the beach, get a coffee and a pastry, when it gets too warm around noon, find a small restaurant for lunch, go back home for a shower, reading and/or a nap, go back out to walk or explore, get dinner or a wine tasting, come back home to talk while sipping on a glass of white wine on the terrace.  Hard life.  My favorite part of the trip was finding the Life on Mars hiking trail.  Well, they reconstructed it in the last year so it’s mostly a boardwalk (not so much hiking per se), but the view is incredible and the landscape makes you feel like you are on Mars.  We found a corner of rocks to go down to and swim naked.  It felt so good, refreshing, making us feel alive again.  We put our clothes back on and about 1m after, we hear crazy loud music and tones of people: a boat with about two hundred people just made the corner. Loll.  Timing is everything.  We had to drive back to Pag, take the car back, have a final delicious vegan dinner together and I left in the early morning to catch my flight back home.  For the first time in a long time I was in economy plus.  Oh!  Now I understand why I use to be ok travelling so much, what a freaking difference, you don’t even realize when you’re used to it, but I lost my status with the pandemic and let me tell you, having warm food served in actual plates, good wine in a glass glass, more leg room.  Delicious!

I made it home Wednesday night, did laundry, packed, slept, said hi to my boyfriend, and left to teach all day Thursday.  I was supposed to leave that night at 8pm after my WCS guided practice to get to New England Dance Festival, but I was so exhausted and jetlagged and lost my copilot, that I thought it’d be way safer to wake up extra early and go.  So 5am on Friday and I am on the road to Newton, Massachusetts.  I remember going to that event as a baby westie with the Montreal crew… but it had been a while!  I was welcomed warmly by the sweet even director, got settled, started teaching some private lessons, had a couple awesome workshops that were pretty full and with a great atmosphere, judge the competitions, and reconnected with people I love so much and use to see all the time when I started WCS and we would all drive down to Boston, Vermont, New England area, maybe DC.  It was a beautiful and refreshing weekend that ended with a lively breakfast with the event director.  You know sometimes you meet people, one generation before you, that inspire you a lot.  That was it.

The last paragraph was shorter, not because there was less to tell, but my wrists hurt from writing.  Loll Commitment to the cause!  Which cause, you ask?  Well, having memories for me to look back at, and if it entertains some other people, then great!  I had two days to repack and organize for a road trip with my love.  Oh, also I forgot to tell you about one of my worse idea ever.  I decided that I didn’t want to bother people and ask for help to move and that I was going to do it myself during August.  Yeah, nah.  Wtf is that idea?   I was so exhausted by the end of it, it could have been done in 2h with 10 people and a pizza, instead it took me so many hours, time and energy: packing, bringing the stuff down to my car, driving it back to my partner’s place, bringing the stuff up three stories, unpacking, driving back there.  Stupid, stupid idea.  Oh well, you live, you learn.  Maybe, hopefully.  I was so out of it, I managed to leave with the wrong mattress (the owner had left one there) and now I have to rent a small truck just to do that exchange.  Grrrrr…. Anyway.  That part is almost done by now.  I feel like I am starting to breathe again.  Naturally, my car broke down before the road trip and during.  A classic.  But all and all, it was a success.  My partner had never camped before, I am use to car camping by now, which is approximately a hundred times better than camping, so we borrowed a tent and all the shebang.  The first night we stopped in Quebec City where I had a couple privates to teach and a workshop.  I have never enjoyed teaching a workshop so much.  I can’t put the finger on it and probably because it is a mix of many elements, but the studio space, the people, the atmosphere, the attitude, my enthusiasm for the cause loll.  We all had a great time and they received material to practice for the next year. 

The next morning, we left and drove on the coast.  We stopped in Ste-Flavie, my favorite spot in Quebec, and we set up camp in Matane before heading to a country evening by the water.  We had a good night of sleep, a delicious breakfast on the stove and left to get to Parc Forillon.  We had a few stops on the way, and when we finally got to our destination, it smelled like rain.  So I thought it’d be a good idea to set up a bash.  I have a lot of the technical knowledge, but the manual execution of a three year old with one hand trying to tie a knot in a carrot.  Thankfully, Alex was better manually (not so much technically, you would have thought the reverse for a dancer and an engineer!).  We managed to set everything, woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of a gigantic plastic bag getting tossed in the wind: it was storming so bad the bash actually broke.  Get out of the tent, undo everything under torrential rain, get back in the tent wet, try and sleep to wake up an hour later in a puddle of water.  Luckily for us, the next day was sunny and windy so we managed to dry everything out.  We drove to what use to be a secret swimming hole until someone put it on TikTok last year and it blew up so bad that they had to create installations and make people pay.  It is really a beautiful place, with an aquamarine waterfall, and a sweet décor.  We then stopped at a perfect sandy beach for some rest and later grabbed our bicycle and roller blades to roll on the beautiful cycling trail they’ve created from the beach to the town.  There is almost never anybody there, it is so peaceful!  We came back in time to sleep early and wake up at 3am to walk to the Sunrise Show.  It is part of a festival and I have been for a few years now: you go on the top of a cliff, get some warm coffee and cookies, sit in your camping chair and listen to the amazing artist while the sun rise beside you.  Absolutely majestic.  Every time.  We went back to camp for breakfast and a quick nap before hiking to a viewing tower with a crazy 360 view.  It was definitely worth the steep incline.  We drove to another beach that day and tried a local microbrewery before heading back and trying to start our third fire.  We did it!!!!  We bought kindle wood cause our axe was not so performant and we only had twigs and logs.  The next way was the drive back and a stop in Rivière-du-Loup for a really nice Auberge.  That is when the car broke down and we couldn’t get it to accelerate passed 70k/h in a 100k/h zone with one lane each way.  It was a bit stressful, but we made it and found a mechanic.  They couldn’t find the problem that night so we had to go back in the morning (meaning my sweet Alex because I was just not wanting to hear anything about my car anymore).  We dressed up to eat pizza with a fancy wine with a stunning sunset.  Probably my favorite part of that trip, just the layers and contrast.  We enjoyed the spa, the view, the food, the perfect king size bed (now my boyfriend wants a new bed where he actually has room to sleep without me rolling over him), we played some basket in the morning while waiting for the car and we made it all the way back home that day.  A miracle.  A 600$ miracle, but still. ;-)

Now, I have moved in with my partner.  There are a lot of new things happening for me.  A way of living life that might be ordinary and easy for most, but that I don’t know and never learned to function in.  So wish me luck on this new adventure we call life!

As always, thanks for being with me if you read until here.  And if you liked it, you should buy my book: it’s twenty times more interesting… at least.

[sonyadance]

Travels and Dancing 22

At Christmas 2023, I asked my partner if he wanted to come on a dance cruise with me in May.  He said yes.  The next day, I was a bit worried that it wasn’t a full yes and I didn’t want to bother the event organizer with adding someone if it wasn’t going to happen.  After all, we’d been seeing each other for about a month and a half.  I asked and he said he was afraid that it was the alcohol speaking.  It wasn’t.  So after barely meeting, we committed to a week on a cruise ship 5 months away.  Time passed in a blink and I was so excited to be heading south… although I was also stressed because I had been waiting for surgery for a while at that point and wasn’t sure if it was a safe idea to go.  Well, you know me, I went anyway and it was a blast as always!  Somewhat different than other years: I ended up hanging out with a way different group of people than I normally do.  My favorite thing on the cruises is always the comedy show: they do hire some of the best of the country.  This time around, Jailyn was absolutely hilarious.  We got time to relax, enjoy the pools, sunbathe, go to the gym, dance with the people at the different bars and venues (the best being the live band at the Pig and anchor!), the workshops were packed, the atmosphere was great, hot tub was hot tubbing, the food was delicious (and actually had some healthy option like a delicious fresh salad bar on the serenity deck)… all and all, the entire week was a success.  We had the chance to explore Jamaica on ATVs, kayak in a mangrove in Mexico, and enjoy an all-inclusive beach in Cozumel.  Galveston port is a bit awkward to get to if you’re not driving in, so we decided to take advantage of the stop in Houston and have a little visit.  We rented bicycles and visited Memorial Park, walked through downtown, found great food, stumbled upon a jazz festival at Discovery park, made new friends there, and went back to the hotel to enjoy and chill.  The return to “normal life” was hard and felt good at the same time.  Bittersweet, but now that I actually have a place to go back to, it helps the sweetness of it. ;-)

I was then supposed to fly to Victoria to teach, then get to our newest Canadian wcs event Nanaimo Dance Fusion, and then meet with my best friend for a week’s road trip in the Rockies.  That plan was bulldozed by finally getting a date for surgery.  I mean great, we can get it over with, but shit, also have to cancel everything and plane ticket, let the event know and feel horrendous that I can’t fulfill my contract and that they need to hire new people last minute, can not work for a month so no $$$ and God knows it’s been a rough year between an abusive relationship, a problematic wisdom teeth removal with infection and three antibiotics that kept me out for two weeks, the surgery I was supposed to have last year and cancelled gigs to then have them cancel on me last minute…  So I cancelled everything, got the surgery, was in pain for not too long, everything went well, started walking again, eating, taught maybe 6h on the third week as my energy was coming back up, and I had the go from the doctor at the end of the fourth week.  A few of those hours were at a high school that has a dance program where students have one to two hours of dance every day for five years!!!  And when they looked for a teacher, many people recommend me.  I was so excited about that gig.  I researched what young people listened to so I could play songs that made them want to dance, prepared my classes differently than a normal “intro class”, and we had a blast!  They were attentive, interested, asking great questions.  I definitely want to go back whenever they’ll have me.  Then we had the Chalet WCS, I organize each year with Philippe and Flore.  I absolutely love these two and admire them so much for what they are accomplishing in their personal life alongside their professional life.  We rent this beautiful ancestral home, north of Montreal, with about 15 bedrooms that can sleep up to 40 people in different assortment of beds.   We have a couple bathrooms, do all our meals together, we learn, we dance, and we laugh.  It is one of the most relaxing “work” weekend of the year.

Pandora Retreat and Colorado Classic were next, the first one we had to cancel because we pushed it out too late, the second cancelled on me, which made me feel horrendous.  I had already been out for a month, had to cancel everything, felt out of shape, and for the first time in my life, I get an event cancelled on me.  Oh well, life being what it is, two other amazing opportunity came up.  First, Glenn asked me if I had time (which I now had) to come choreograph three routines in Austin with him.  It felt so good to move again and create with someone new.  I haven’t had a partner in year so I mostly teach, choreograph and do everything dance wise by myself.  Don’t get me wrong: I love it!  I can pace the class as I want, I have great feedback from my classes, but having someone at your level with whom you can share ideas, discuss all dance related things and create?  It feels like candy.  So the Austin week was a success with that and me exploring a swimming hole, seeing good friends, teaching, and getting back into pole.  The second was a free dance festival that was supposed to have an African artist come over and teach, they had last minute issues with the visa, and the organizer thought of WCS.  He looked for teachers in Montreal, stumbled upon my profile and felt like it was a perfect match.  When he contacted me telling what had happened on his side, I told him that I am normally booked months in advance, but that for the first time in my life I had had a cancellation and we found it quite serendipitous.  I landed from Austin, taught privates in Montreal and drove up north to get there and have the privilege to watch a percussion band play for our small group in the middle of a forest.  Magical is one of the best word I can think for that.  I slept in my car, in my favorite car camping set up (that I have not used  barely enough this summer).  The next morning, I participated in the dance workshop and for lunch we had a sharing.  I started to feel a bit off.  Like I soak the energy around me so much to fit it, but it’s not my energy, so I said no.  I will be myself and stay myself and that is who I’ll be for the class.  We had three hours together and I taught a sugar push and a left side pass.  You must be thinking: that’s it?  Well yes, and it was more than enough so we had time to explore connection concepts, musicality, togetherness and stay in line with the philosophies they were playing with for the week.  I had so many comments afterwards of people saying they had tried a form of swing or partner dance before and got put off by it.  That they thought to themselves that they would never try it again, that the approach was sterile, and that when they saw the title on the workshop list, most didn’t want to come or thought that it’d be a good time for a nap, but knowing the event organizer, they decided to trust him and try it anyway.  They loved it so much, that they want me to come up there regularly.  We’ll see what we can do…

The next adventure was a guy’s weekend.  We’ll call it a friend’s weekend because I was there, but really… since I am back in Montreal (and since before if we’re being honest), the two persons that have been there, consistently showing up, are my two friends Dom and Nico.  I’m pretty slow at catching up that people want to be friends, and I’m still in the habit of thinking I’m always alone in the world (even if I came back to Montreal to build relationships – old habits die hard), but these two never gave up.  I don’t think I understood for a long time what they wanted from me, like what do they get from keeping in contact with me?  Until, I found out that that’s what people do when they like you and they want to be friends… oh well, it’s never too late to learn something!  So we left with another good friend of us, PO, rented this beautiful ride and drove to a region of Ontario with the best vineyards.  We did some great wine tasting, we went to one of the best beach in Ontario, we slept in a nice hotel, we ate good food, but above all, we laughed!  What a freaking blast to just do stupid shit and laugh with friends.  I’m saying harmless stupid shit: worse jokes ever, learning a line dance at 2am, discussing about life, dissing on each other.  It certainly was one of the best weekend of the year.

I came back to Montreal to teach for two days and then drove to Toronto.  The idea was to leave early so I could enjoy a beach on the way, but I ended up stuck in the tail of whichever hurricane was passing by at the time.  So no beach, but also plenty of time to drive at 60km/h (so 35mph for the thousands of American readers) with everybody on high alert and still get in on time.  First stop was a shopping mall because I had a small crisis the week before when the entire Mtl WCS community recognized my shadowed out picture because of my ripped jeans: they had a good life.  So standing in front of Urban Planet and Hudson Bay, between being a teen or a grown up, I thought: I can’t possibly go to Urban Planet.  But mid-life wasn’t so appealing either, so I went for the mid-life crisis: Urban Planet.  It ended it being the best shopping spree of all times.  I bought two pairs of pants, four tank tops, two t-shirts, two shirts, two hair clips, a hat, a water bottle, and three pairs of socks for 144$CA taxes included (for Americans, about 2$US).  With my newfound personality, I headed to pole coaching.  A student of mine, had invited me to come over and choreograph a pole routine for his upcoming PSO competition.  We worked a lot, had a lot of fun, and managed to get the whole routine choreographed in two days!  It was then time to head to the one and only Toronto Swing and Hustle Championship.  It always feels great to be at an event that feels like home.  The community there is so welcoming, and was also my home for a year after pandemic.  Seeing all my students, all my friends, hanging out, having the Montreal community there supporting the event also, was really nice.  I had two intermediate-advanced workshops that went really well, a bunch of privates, some judging, pro intro, the usual… but one of the best part is the Anything-Goes-Invitational-Crossover!  So, if you have seen a crossover JnJ before, you know how it’s mostly for fun and show that we are humans also, not some untouchable professionals that are good at everything (even if some would like to believe), but this one makes sure we understand it’s an anything goes… everything is permitted… the funnier it is, the better.  I drew Markus.  Last time, we drew each other was forever ago and didn’t amount to much, so I said: let’s go!!!  You know when you stay in the ballroom to encourage your friends for awards, but you end up hearing your name for 1st place?  Yeah, that’s it.  Loolll.  Either way, it was a blast.  The whole weekend was.

Quick 5h drive home to work a day, do laundry, pack, attend not fun medical appointments and fly out for Sweden.  For how many years have I been writing this blog now?  9?  Anyway, you’ve heard me say it every year, so it’s getting kind of boring by now, but… best event ever: Rock The Barn.  Why?  Well, it’s so far north that the sun never sets (although if you ask them, they say by that time it sets a bit, but I don’t see it, I just see magic), we dance in barns, we are outside all day, people are camping or glamping, the cafeteria cooks delicious meals with actual vegan protein if you are vegan instead of you-eat-everything-that-the other-have-less-the-meat, the workshops are full and people are intent on learning, you don’t want to stop dancing cause you think it’s still 9pm, the crew is really nice, they always hire a group of teachers that play well together, the demos are fun, they have a welcome barbecue when we get there… I love it!  For the second year in a row I have been teaching with Nelson whom I adore.  It is also another event that has literally seen me grow in my dance and in my life into the woman that I am today; they hired me for the first time in 2013 and every year after.  So they have known me and I have known them for 11 years now.  Since they didn’t have the event during CoCo (that’s my love name for it so it’s less traumatizing), next year will be the tenth year celebrations: I can’t wait to see what they pull out of the hat for this one; the yearly tent crawl is already epic!

... part 22.5 coming up!

[sonyadance]

Travels and Dancing 21

To start the New Year, I had the chance to spend a weekend with a group of beautiful women doing energy work in a chalet in the Laurentians.   I needed that reset and what a reset!  Wow!  I am forever grateful to everybody I’ve met on my energy work journey in the last 12 years, for all the help, the community, and the work towards an upward spiral, fighting entropy and darkness.  Then I had the honor of going to teach in a beautiful small community not too far from Montreal called Sherbrooke.  I love weekend workshops.  The fact that it is one straight line, no running around between judging, workshops, privates, shows, is one of the advantages; but what I really like is that you follow one or two group for an entire weekend.  You can see them develop together, there are generally more questions being asked because people get to connect and feel safer, there is a theme for the weekend that is always fun for me to create.  I had a beautiful welcome, great workshops and an amazing teacher’s training (which I also loooove to teach) with great teacher’s brains: everybody was asking the right questions, working hard on the art of diagnosing and enjoying themselves.  Future Westies of Sherbrooke, you are in good hands!

I was then invited to come teach for the first time in the community of Waterloo, Ontario.  A baby community of only 2 years old, which the leader, Mikaela Lewis, managed to grow in a way I haven’t seen before.  I have traveled around the world witnessing how wcs develops and, yes, there might be a part we can attribute to timing (wcs being really popular right now, thanks to all our colleagues that are pushing the social media market with IG and TT), but there is just an approach that she has to building that I think she could sell for a lot of money!  It was a beautiful weekend, filled with workshops of various levels, privates and dancing… I think 160 people showed up at the Saturday night dance.  Have you ever seen that after only two years of wcs existing in a town?

It is now the beginning of February of a really mild winter (secret and guilty thank you to global warming) and I am heading towards Philadelphia to practice with one of my partner.  I get there a bit late on Friday, plane delays as usual, and we have a great practice into the night.  The next morning, we wake, head towards the studio, start practicing, and… I mess up my neck.  Fuck.  Let’s say that I haven’t had the best run with health in the last year.  Is it the trauma of what happened last March?  An addition of all the health things I didn’t take care of until now because I felt young and invincible?  Yeah, that sounds about right.  We try to find someone to see me asap so my neck doesn’t freeze for longer than it needs to, I end up going to the massage therapist and babying it all weekend, but we couldn’t get much done.  I am not really good at dealing with health stuff that doesn’t go my way.  It makes me feel powerless and everything I do relies on my body… so I was really disappointed about investing in a plane ticket, time and energy in going to Philadelphia to get as much rehearsal as possible, for my body to say: No.  Thank god my partner is one of the chillest person I know, it helps calm me down and not add catastrophizing thoughts on top of the reality and be able to observe the facts a bit clearly.  Still shitty.

I got some osteopathic treatment when I got home so I’d be able to teach the next weekend.  Québec city it is with the amazing Nelson!  I have mentioned it before in one of the Travels and Dancing, but I love Nelson so much.  There is just an underlying level of trust that I’ve never had with anybody in dancing before (except Stephen for routines, I would have trusted him with my life), that helps us create... anything and everything!  Every time we finish dancing we are like:

- Oh my god!  That was so nice what you did! 

- I didn’t do anything.  What you did was amazing!

- I didn’t do anything either!

Lolll.  We know it now and we understand it is thanks to the immense trust we have between us as human beings first and then as dancers.  So when people ask me, I always try to have Nelson hired along side me.  We taught some workshops together, some individually, did a demo and danced with the beautiful westies there.  Thank you Québec for the amazing weekend!

Next weekend was Sacramento for Capitol Swing.  My first time at this event.  I have heard about the NorCal vs SoCal friendly feud before and I must say, I am definitely NorCal!  I found the people to be so nice and welcoming, just a bit more of a relaxed and true atmosphere than events I’ve been at in SoCal.  Nothing bad, just a difference in vibes.  It’s like if you ask: is Madjam or a chalet type of event better?  Neither.  What do you like?  Do you like big lights, want to be inspired by the best shows in the world and de surrounded by hundreds of people during the social dance or does this overwhelms you and you prefer to have an intimate atmosphere where you can create connections, have the time to dance with most of the attendees and have smaller group workshops?  I don’t think there is a better one, just what you prefer, want and need at this moment in time.  So I would suggest, before booking an event, you inquire about the general vibes and set up of it, and you take a minute to look inside of yourself and check what is best going to suit your path right now.  So Capitol was one of the best ran event I’ve attended, beautiful attention to detail.  I really like Ben and Cameo McHenry’s minds, they are always trying to push the envelop with ideas that follows what they value in dance.  I particularly liked the Champion’s choice Strictly.  The idea was that a Champion asks an All-Star of their choice whom they’d like to dance with, to do Strictly with them.  It was fun to see different pairings than the usual Champions Strictly.  I had a blast dancing with Keerigan. 

Stephen and I did our routine again for the first time since the Open.  We trained, social danced, met new people, it was awesome… until my flight back.  Worse epic I’ve been on. Loll  It started with an 11pm overnight flight and it ended up with, delay, sitting on the tarmac until 3am, returning to the hotel, sleeping for 3 hours, going back to the airport for a pushed back 2pm flight on which they couldn’t find my seat, trying to fix that at check-in for an hour, getting on the plane, getting deplaned again for a 4p, departure, getting so late at my layover that there was no other flight to Montreal for that day, sleeping at the hotel, a total of 48 hours in airport with a 45$ voucher for food (imagine the feast you get for 6 meals at an airport with ALL of that money), missing a day of work, loosing a bunch of money, getting home to sleep a bit and start working the next day.  Loll  Not my best run.  I am still waiting for compensation for that flight, my case number is currently 64 308 in line.

I was finally home for a weekend, which was my birthday weekend!  First birthday in Montreal in 13 years.  Yes!!!!  I was so happy to be able to spend that time with my friends and family.  One of my best friend lend me his apartment so I could invite my friends from school, dance, family members and have a joyous melting pot.  I also had my handsome boyfriend with me all weekend and everything felt perfect!  Thank you so much again to everybody that took the time to come and spend time with me: it means a lot.

Can you believe I had two weekends at home without working (well, still taught some privates and did online work, cause work never ends…) in March?  It felt really good to rest, see my people and finally spend time with my partner.  Time is a bit restricted when one of you works a 9 to 5 and the other one, 4 to 10 and is gone on weekends.  One of the reason I came back to Montreal is also because it is where there is the highest concentration of people I love, but I am never available at the same time as everybody to hang out, so this is something I am trying to change and establish: make enough money at home that I don’t have to go away 4 weekends a month to eat, 2 would be perfect cause I still love and want to do it!!!

I taught an intermediate competition intensive in Montreal and it went amazingly well!  Better than what I could have envisioned.  The concept is to have one for each level of WSDC competition, four hours with a really small group of people (maximum 6 leads and 6 follows) who are currently competing at that level and want a better understanding of what the judges are looking at at that level, the difference between a prelim and a final (until now pretty standard), but then receive individual attention to understand what they need to work on in order to get yeses or place.  I put my judges hat on to help them see what pieces are missing that could give a judge a reason to give them a no, then I give them drills to practice so when they get to their next competition the judges don’t have a quick justification for a no.  Again, it always depends on who’s competing around you, but your job is to make me work so I have trouble leaving you out of the finals.  The students were happy, the teacher was happy, it was a great weekend!

Then I was waiting for Aaron to get to Montreal to practice, but… he wrote me to say that they got delayed.  My first reaction after the Sacramento debacle was: oh no… hopefully it’s not as bad.  It wasn’t.  For the traveler, but they got delayed so bad and had to get rebooked.  The soonest flight he could get rebooked on was for the Sunday night and he had to leave Monday morning.  So that fell through, but!  He managed to rebook for the following week so we had a day to practice before heading to BTO Open!  It was Aaron’s first Canadian event.  I think he enjoyed it. ;-)

BTO was really great this year.  A bit smaller than the previous year if I’m not mistaking, maybe due to the fact that Boston Tea Party resuscitated!  Ayo!  So between Madjam, BTP and BTO, it was a lot in a month for the eastern Canadian westie community.  We did have a crew from Calgary come over, cheer and be absolutely awesome for the weekend, alongside the Toronto, Québec, Ottawa, Montréal, London, Waterloo westies, and more!  My boyfriend came Friday night and saw me dance live for the first time in the Invitational.  I was so excited, but then I couldn’t see him in the crowd when we got on the dancefloor and I thought for some reason he had left!  I looked like a kid looking for their parents in the crowd. Loll  I did put on a show, and obviously, he was still in the room and loved it!  Hihi!!  The Inivational with Philippe Berne was fun, the strictly with Nelson was smooth, and the Pro Show with Nelson was probably my favorite performance of my lifetime.  I taught an advanced workshop with a new concept about shaping and shifting that was really well received, a novice workshop that had a big impact on their dancing, and a strictly tune-up that was really fun.  It was a really filled and fulfilling weekend!

My family was kind enough to postpone Easter dinner for a week so I could join in my “weekend in town” of the month.  It felt so good to see everybody and way too short.  I also had the chance to meet a side of my boyfriend’s family I hadn’t met before and enjoy a long and delicious day/meal.

Then came the Calgary Dance Stampede.  I was supposed to compete in my first country ProPro division, but… life had other plans.  In my entire adult life, of teaching and performing dance, I had never cancelled anything related to work.  Well, one time in Germany, I was in pain for what I didn’t know is what I am awaiting surgery for, and I had to forgo the social dance.  I need gallbladder removal surgery, I am on the wait list, but that can be a really long wait in the Quebec health system, I have been mostly doing fine with just a few crisis here and there.  Until the end of March, I started being in pain 100% of the time.  Not the worse, but about a 5/10, just enough to slowly sap away your energy.  But when I was on the plane to Calgary, I had a horrendous crisis (I was wondering if I should ask them to land the plane) and by the time I landed, I was livid.  I had to find a doctor, get pain medication and managed to teach and judge, but I didn’t have the energy to compete or perform.  I really hope this can get resolved quickly.  Actually, as I am writing this, I have had my first day without pain for a month and I just now realize how much of a difference it makes on my life force.  Besides that, the event was purely magical.  There is something about the country side that is so relax, just a culture I love, that, mixed with wcs, creates a delicious cocktail.  So I had a great time even through all that.

Coming back to Montreal, I cancelled everything non work related so I could conserve energy for that: I can’t stop working now, cause I’ll have to stop working for a month after surgery, so as a self-employed worker, you have to come up with a way to make up for that loss.  So I’m working pain or no pain (mostly pain).  In 2020, I had booked a holotropic breath work retreat with an ex.  As you can imagine, it got cancelled, and I got credited for it.  Years went by and I couldn’t find a retreat on a weekend I wasn’t working and that was close enough for me to drive to… until!  I saw this Chester, Connecticut retreat.  So I booked it.  Four years in the making et voilà!  One of the agreement of the retreat is one of confidentiality about what happens during the weekend, because it is really intimate and vulnerable for most attendees, so I will keep it brief.  It was intense.  I don’t think someone could understand it by just having it described to them: you really have to live it to know it.  And even then, I feel like I don’t know anything about it, that I just dipped my toe in the world of holotropic breath work.  I drove six hours on Thursday to get there in time to check-in and register, we then had an opening circle which was really beautiful and set the tone for a safe, open and vulnerable weekend.  A delicious dinner was served, followed by a preparation workshop so we could be ready for what was going to happen during the weekend (we weren’t… or at least, I wasn’t even with all the talk), and we went to bed early.  My roommate was a blast, we talked and giggled every night before bed.  Friday came with the first three hour session where I was one of the breathers.  My god.  Yep.  That’s it.  30m integration, 1h lunch break, and we were at it again interchanging roles; I was then a sitter for one of the breathers.  My god.  Yep.  1h integration, 1h dinner, and sharing circle.  Everybody went to bed early because we were all absolutely trashed.  Saturday came with the same schedule, except that my partner and I exchanged breathing times.  The guesthouse lit up a ceremonial fire for earth day and some of us went out with a guitar, a harmonica, our voices and a lot of enthusiasm.  It was a great night.  We had a closing circle Sunday and a talk about integration.  I hugged everybody before hitting the road for an exquisite 6h of silence and personal debriefing.  I will have to make another article about this weekend at some point so the readers can understand something of it, but I need more time to integrate and make sure I express things in a way that is respectful to everybody and doesn’t disclose anything that shouldn’t be.

Anyways, thank you for reading until here if you did.  I don’t know who you are, but I’m sending you little particles of love and patience towards yourself.  See you next time!

[sonyadance]

Travels and Dancing 19

Back to our scheduled program. No seriously, I need to write more of these: maybe every six months? I’ve been slacking. In my defense, life has been crazy. Is it ever not though?

The last Travels and dancing was a short list of what I could express after the year I had gone through. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. Obviously, I didn’t realize it while I was in it. In fact, when I met him, I thought I’ve never felt so respected and safe and I felt like I could be myself. How could that go wrong? Well… we met in Mexico. He was on vacations, and I was there to stay for a while. We had a good time and I thought nothing more of it. Then he called me to know if I wanted to come to Toronto to see him and see if it could develop into something beautiful. I thought about it for a month and a half (which is really long for my normal speed), and then I said yes. I sent most of my stuff with a stranger back to my parent’s place because it felt too much of a commitment to get to his place with my house in my luggage. He told me I should have brought it all. He welcomed me with open arms. He asked me if I wanted to have kids. We went to Montreal to get all my stuff. We moved in, and then… and then, I don’t know. I’m still confused about the whole thing. I know why I stayed: I’m secretly petrified that I’m a bad person (and that I resemble my mom in certain unhealthy aspects), so when the small comments started, I thought: Of course! I’m not perfect. If I was, the relationship would work. I need to work on myself more. I started going to therapy with the premise that he was amazing and I was broken. And it continued until I was only a shred of the person I used to be. I thought dance left me. I thought nothing was possible anymore. And then I found out some… things (and I’ll assure you, what you’re thinking was there -talks of other women-, but that was the least bad of the whole thing). I panicked. It jerked me out of my trance, I called my father and he left at 5am from Montreal on a Sunday to drive all the way to Toronto to pick me up and my stuff and be gone before my partner would come back. That’s all I’ll say about this for now.

Then I got to Montreal and my body started acting up. I was sick, not feeling well emotionally and physically, but at the same time, I had a feeling of freedom and that I could do anything, dance was coming back, all I thought was, wasn’t true. I finished schoolwork for the year in a week and went on a high trying to reorganize my life, find an apartment and much more. My body didn’t like it. I started doing medical tests and then I left for contracts I already had booked, which are really important for me to honor.

BTO Open was the beginning of me seeing the contrast in my real world from what I had been living in for a year: people appreciated me, were nice and full of love, I wasn’t a piece of shit. Wow. I had an amazing time teaching my intensive about mental preparation for competition, dancing with everybody, chatting, competing in JnJ and Strictly (which I thought I wasn’t going to do because I felt at 10% and someone told me: even at 10% I’d like to see you dance). I had amazing dances and placements, which I normally don’t care so much about, but I needed it as I was in the first stages of putting the pieces of myself back together. And of course, spending time with Nelson as we could through the event to create a short, fun routine for the Saturday night show. I needed that. The fun, the camaraderie, the expression, firing up some creativity. Thank you to everybody that was around for the weekend.

Then I drove all the way to Toronto with some good friends so I could catch an early morning flight to Victoria where I was teaching for a week. I got there and felt really tired. Oh well, it’s pretty normal before an event. I thought two full days of privates and I crashed. I was supposed to go skiing and I had to cancel last minute. I tried to handle myself, but it was really bad and I ended up in the hospital (which, if you know me, I don’t go to). I was petrified that I caught something and was going to make everybody sick, but nobody got sick. It was really my body. I managed to teach all my Saturday workshops, they asked me if I wanted to cancel, but I had to do it, for my mental health. I postponed my departure, finished teaching some privates, got a bit better and I left on a cross-country trip to bring my car and my things back to Québec. Oh yeah, I think I skipped that story. In the fall, I was visiting my best friend who had moved to BC, my partner was supposed to join me there. He postponed because of some work things, then called to say he wanted to break up, had packed all my stuff and where did I want him to send it. So I was stranded in BC with only my carry-on, I freaked out, he changed his mind and came back, said he loved me, I decided to keep trying, but I didn’t want to go back to Toronto because I needed to have some self-respect through it all (should have had more). I had a little bit of money aside that I had been piling up for years in the hopes to have a cash down for a house and as things were going, I realized that I was never going to achieve that with the meagre amount I had, so I decided to buy a used car, built something to sleep in it and go explore Victoria and the community there. I’m skipping a lot of details, but that’s basically why I was retrieving my car to now go settle back in Québec.

I took the ferry to the mainland, discovered how much I love to drive just for the sake of having time in my head: nobody to talk too, no internet, no distractions. I went all the way to Castlegar where my friend lives and visited for a few days to spend time with her and the kids. They are amazing, a beautiful family and it was really interesting to see how their personalities had change even from the fall to the spring. My friend and her husband have been there for me since the fall and the mess in my relationship and I hope they know how much it was appreciated and essential to have a safe haven were I could catch my breath for a while.

Driving through Banff, I got to Calgary Dance Stampede. I haven’t done many country events before, but I will say: I loved it! I found everybody nice and relatable, and I absolutely loved doing the Invitational JnJ which I learned was five dances to be determined on the spot… with a twist. So 2m before going on stage, I asked Marc Davidson if he could give me a run down of the rhythms and specificity. It went a bit like this: cha-cha it’s the same, two-step obvisously slowslowquickquickslow…, waltz you know, wcs ok, polka chasse up chasse up – no up on turns, east coast ok… anyway, it went beautifully. I got to my first partner, whom I’d obviously never danced with, and they called a waltz. Perfect, I got this… without touching each other. I had a long sleeve jacket still on: I took it off, put it around my shoulders and had my partner hold the sleeves. We did a beautiful waltz across the floor which some people called cheating, I just called it smart. Then it was a chacha. Ok… with crazy rhythms change throughout. A dance, which I don’t even remember the name, that is not even part of the 8… everybody looked a bit silly on this one, so perfect for my skill level. Then came the line dance. A 64 counts line dance with two walls that we had to learn on the spot and then face the leaders to create this cool effect. Things were going fairly well, they had said we had to do the whole things twice, so after that, the lady called out: Do whatever you want! Which she said because half the people were messing up the steps, but I took as a call to… do whatever I wanted. I ended spinning on my butt and crawling on the floor with some hair flip and John Lindo walking over me. I think that’s what did it. We ended up with a polka/wcs. I got 5th place for the follows and I’m actually really proud of it even if nobody cared about the placements. 😊 After more teaching, judging, dancing, hanging out with the staff, I left early Monday morning to continue my road east.

I somehow miscalculated the number of days I had to get to my next gig in Toronto and thought I had to drive 12h/day. I did that the first day. No. Just no. Not fun. I crashed when I got to my hotel and thanked the lady who made me a salad even if the restaurant was closed because she saw how weary I was. The next day I drove 10 hours, which is more human, but still not super fun, only to realize I had one more day than I thought to get to my destination. I did 7 hours, which was smooth in comparison and then 5 hours the next day. 5 hours is ideal if you are on a road trip: you actually have time to enjoy, smell the roses and get to destination. I finally made it to Toronto where I was welcomed as my home, met with some of the best people in town, taught a workshop and privates, danced and left for the last leg of the trip.

I was so happy to make it to Montreal, to my parent’s place. At first, I was really adamant in finding an apartment for my return and make sure I had a home, but being able to stay with my family for a while really saved my ass in all the ways possible. I got settles into the room they had emptied and prepared for me, and again, I felt a surge of love I haven’t felt before. I think there were always a lot of people who loved me around, and I knew it, but I didn’t properly feel it. After that relationship, the contrast is so stark, that there is no other option than to feel it! I have to admit, the rest of the return to Québec wasn’t smooth at all: I received a bill from the Victoria hospital that I had to pay and supposedly get reimburse by Québec (they paid a 1/6 of it…), I learned that my car had to get inspected to change province and started an epic run around to get all things done to stop paying the 256$/month insurance associated with the BC car insurance system, it ended up costing me 3000$ for unuseful things, more organizational and financial stuff came up, and my body crashed completely. I think it knew I was done with my main contracts and I had a break. I ended up on a list for surgery, needing to cancel a month of work, only to get a call three days before telling me they had to postpone to next month. I still haven’t done the surgery. I think I’ll ride it out as long as possible: I don’t see an option were I can cancel another month of work in the near future.

Change of topic to brighter things. I had an amazing weekend with Flore that we organized at a big chalet in Québec, only for women. It was a soft, touching, slow paced weekend, where beautiful connections were made. I then flew to Arizona to coach one of my student, I had been coaching online for months, but had never met in person! It was a beautiful weekend, with a workshop, lots of privates, walks in the park, ended up in the first pride parade of Tempe, a nice game night and a visit to the desert botanical garden. I started coaching again in Montreal, choreographing for people, and then I got to Liberty. Honestly, preparing for the opening ceremony with all my peers, I hadn’t seen in ages, was probably the highlight of my weekend! I had a blast being there, seeing everybody, dancing, judging, teaching privates, walking around the area and competing. Strictly was on Friday and although we didn’t make it to finals, I was really happy with how we presented ourselves. By Sunday, when JnJ was, I was completely exhausted… I hadn’t recuperated yet from all the health stuff and I got carried away with wanting to social dance and be out and about all weekend. So yeah, JnJ was pretty horrendous from my part. Life happens. 😉

I went to TOSHC in Toronto for the first time. It feels so good to be at a hometown event. I also love the crossover events where you get to meet new people and mingle and exchange with pros from another genre. The hustle room was awesome, the west coast swing vibes were impeccable, and the Invitational was… insane! I’m not sure how many dances total ended up in there: it was initially supposed to be hustle and wcs, but there was salsa, chacha, twostep, balboa, lindy, rumba, and more! And let’s not forget the all-skate where things went sideways in the best way possible and where Stephen and I did an impromptu lift, I wish we had on camera!

Rock the barn came with its midnight sun, beautiful people and fresh air. As always, it’s my favorite event of the year. It’s the mix of dancing outside (well, in open air barns), eating delicious meals at the cafeteria with everybody, teaching tons of lessons, having heated technical discussions with the staff in our little house, dancing with everybody, feeling relaxed even if I work the most of all year, the pre-event barbecue, the tent crawl… this event has personality. I got to share it with one of my favorite person this year: Nelson Clarke. And last, but definitely not least, I dared to teach a concept I had been wanting to teach in wcs since I started osteopathy but didn’t know if people were actually going to be receptive. And omg they were! I had a whole class of advanced and AS touching each other’s forearm for about 45m and everybody loved it. Some even said it was the best AS class they had done. The concept I talked about is so important in how you approach your partner and to make sure you get the best response out of your partner: them feeling relaxed, free in their body and trusting. I taught it twice now (the second time not to a wcs crowd) and it needs to be an intensive. I think 4h would be ideal to start and get a good feel for it… anyway, more on that in another blog. Feel free to contact me if you want more info and for me to come teach it in your city. 😉

I came back to Montreal, went and stayed with my grandmother since she just got surgery, and it was really a blast: I hadn’t spent time face to face with her since Covid… wow. I taught a workshop, privates, packed my bags and left for a magical road trip. A student from Toronto met me in Montreal and we drove to Halifax stopping by an auberge by the water I had been wanting to visit for years. It was the perfect set up and felt really peaceful. We then stopped in Moncton, and I found this beautiful cycling trail by the water, so I woke up early before the end of the drive to get a move on. I am so thankful for my student who found this bicycle rack for me and allowed me to spend time on the best cycling trails on the east coast. I had the most magical welcome in Halifax, in a beautiful home, by beautiful humans, who even went online to find vegan recipes and food they could cook for me. It was so good, and I was so full by the end of the weekend! We had a beautiful Friday dance by the waterfront, and I put my eyes on an island I wanted to go visit. Saturday were the workshops and teacher’s training, then dinner with the collective. Sunday morning, a group of people came with me to George’s island and we had beautiful weather for the dancing barbecue in the afternoon. I even found time to go to two pole class during the weekend in between all the activities, the workshops and the privates.

I decided to go to Prince-Edward-Island since I had already crossed most of the provinces by car this year. The only one I’m missing is Newfoundland. I tried to make it work, but it was too much of a detour. One ferry over, a detour to visit Charlottetown and I got to Stanhope for cold beach time, some car camping, improvised folk songs at the campground, a peaceful bike ride by the ocean, and… my first fire! Almost… I had to go ask a park ranger to help me. I felt a bit ashamed to ask, but they told me people asked all the time. Turns out, everything was really wet and even the ranger’s skills weren’t enough to make the fire go. We fortunately got rescued by a neighbor, his axe and hand sanitizer. That’s the cheat code! In the morning, after getting poured on all night, I felt like I had to leave in a hurry. I drove and crossed the confederation bridge, and they closed it soon after because of wind gusts and heavy rain. Oufff… saved by intuition. I drove through New Brunswick, visited the giant lobster and started looking for a coffee shop as I was exhausted of driving in torrential rains. I found a Manor coffee house and made a detour to get there. There was no sign about it being anything else than a house, but I was so desperate for my drug of choice (besides chocolate, wine and cheese), that I decided to ring the doorbell anyway. A lady in a nurse uniform answered, I said I was looking for a cup of coffee, and she sat me at a table. She brought me a coffee and told me that this wasn’t really a coffeeshop (no kidding), but an integration house for people with mental disabilities. One of the participants came to my table with another coffee he had made just for me, while another one made me toast. They were so happy and awesome. I sat and chatted with some of them for a while, while ingesting way too much caffeine for my own I good. After being asked out by one of the man, and giving a donation to the center, I left for the rest of the road. I got to Carleton-Sur-Mer for more car camping by the sea. My original campground was flooded so I had to be moved and I cooked dinner under the rain. There was just enough time in the morning for me to get another amazing bike ride by the sea, a quick swim in cold water, a warm coffee and leave for another wet dry. This time there was fog also. So I saw nothing but fog the entire time on winding mountain roads. It was still beautiful and unique, although not the desired view. I just found the concentration it took a bit exhausting.

My friend Jade, whom I studied dance in Cegep with, met me at Parc Forillon. We both car camped, which was fortunate cause… rain! Omg. That was the theme of the trip. Some people’s tent were not as waterproof as they thought, our neighbors got stuck in the mud on their site, all the trails were closed because of the water, we tried and sort of managed to start a fire literally in mud. Everything was so wet, that the logs were leaking and created little pools of water. We deiced to drive close to Percé to see a waterfall spot where the water is transparent and supposedly beautiful… it was closed. You guessed it: the water went up and ripped the installations, so they had to close the site. We still had a nice boat ride around Rocher Percé and I managed to get soaked by standing at the bow. The main reason for this entire trip, was to see the Show of the Rising Sun, which happens every year in that park as part of the End of The World Music Festival (not because the world is going to end, but because it’s the end of the land, the most eastern tip). You have to get to the site before 4am, the artist starts singing, set up at the edge of a cliff, and as the show goes on, the sun rises and gives up another show. You bring your camp chair and they serve you coffee and a little sweet. This year, we were camped right besides, so we woke up and walked 10m to the show. Klo Pelgag was the artist, which I hadn’t heard before, it was amazing. My friend left and I stayed one more day to enjoy an hour on a nearby beach and a beautiful, and hard, bike ride in the hilly coast… before it started pouring again.

I left the next day in pouring rain and more fog to meet my friend in a nice little auberge on the coast, have a drink and see an outdoor circus show. You enter the woods on a wooden bridge while the artists are set up in different spots around. Then you get to three sides of three stories high stacked containers with bug screens where you will sit and watch the show. They are set up on a cliff. The use of the lighting (the show is at night, in the dark), the tramp wall they built, aerial dancing, catapult on a net that comes down from the cliff… the whole thing is brilliant in the use of the space. Well worth the ticket. The next day I visited a bird watching site before heading to Quebec City. I taught a workshop and privates, went dancing and got hosted by really nice people. It was only two days, but filled with dance, love and really resourcing relationally.

I found a campground at Petite-Rivière-St-François, which is situated at the bottom of one of the biggest skill hills, by the water. The camping is a coop that is super well organized with a little coffeeshop, one shower for all, a youth hostel, a community room, and a community fire. I heard a lady talk about a free show on the village’s quay. A beautiful woman created the character of a bird-woman with huge wings. She sings opera with the water in the background and brings you in her world. It was truly magical. A new friend from Québec ended up meeting me there. We had a beautiful bike ride by the water and an intense hike on the mountain. I was burning up with my long sleeves and pants, that were needed to counteract the mosquitoes, when we happened by a waterfall. We found a calm spot in the water, stripped down, and got some much-needed refreshment in the one ray of sun that came out that day. I thought to myself afterwards that I’d love to have a picture in that set up, but when would the opportunity ever come? We came back down and back up to see a point of view before it started raining. Obviously. I finally managed to score tickets to a show on the mountain I had been wanting to see and had been full for weeks. We drove 5m to the bottom of the mountain and waited for dark. They got us up on the ski lift, which they slowed down, and as we progressed to the top, we saw an inspiring light and music show they set up on the ground beneath us. We then walked in the mountain with a lantern that was provided, got to the next chair lift where we went down in darkness with a magnificent view of the St-Laurent’s River and the lights of far away villages on the other side.

Finally, if you are still reading, we are almost done! I drove further east on the north coast this time around (I drove over 4000km in two weeks), to get to Up The Moon Festival. What a treat. You get to the land, drive in for a while and park your car, then have to walk a while to get to the site where there is a movement space, a workshop space and a show space. People are camping everywhere, there is a coffee and cacao tent, a sacred tipi, some food, only cash accepted, no cell phone connection or internet at all, only a couple Sanivac, no running water, and beautiful people. My favorite spot was the sacred tipi: it had a fire and a guardian running 24/7, with sacred chants and a beautiful energy. The opening ceremony was powerful and made me feel like maybe I’d want to stay in Quebec for the first time in my life. We got more downpour the first night and after having my feet wet for the last three weeks, I decided I had enough and went to my car early for some reading and slept beautifully. The next morning, I walked to the river decided to get a natural bath and go in naked. I happened by a professional photographer I had met before at the river mouth. Funny how life works. So after my river bath, I asked him for some pictures: it’s amazing to be able to have a visual reminder of a favorite feeling! I went to a few workshops and then I taught my Conscious Partner Approach workshop which is the same concept I had taught in Sweden, adapted to a different crowd. Everything felt so right the entire weekend. I didn’t stay up late that night again and left early on Sunday after another river bath. I stopped by Quebec City to see my sister and her three daughters. We had a bunch of fun in the pool and I got asked if I was still young enough to have babies… I said I still had a few years. More questions came about why I didn’t have any and if I was going to have some… I replied that I needed to find a nice man who’d want babies also, to which I got told by a 9 years old that it wasn’t true, that now I could do a baby by myself. Well f*&*. Now I’m rethinking my entire life…

I’m back in Montreal now, with my energy levels going up, tons of projects in the making, and I want to make sure I still pace myself, so I don’t burn out again. This was an extra long Travels and dancing, maybe to make up for the fact that the last one was so short. Thank you for reading until The End. (of this one, not my life) 😉