#anyway with the passive aggressive comment out of the way this was my reality this morning

[kittynugg]

heres just a quick one i thought up eons ago probably at one am, found it in my phone's notes

Sixty: Wake up, Nines! Come on, birds are singing! It's a beautiful da- Nines: ITS SIX AM.

[bronx-bomber87]

Hello lovely fandom and happy Wednesday. Wanted to get this review out sooner than the last. Since I was delayed and late last week. With good reason I know but Wed was my original goal. So wanna stick to it for this next one.

Ahhh the 100th ep. Had we had full seasons in 1-3 would’ve been last year. But that is neither here nor there HA. Also it's our ILY ep ❤️ This is a PACKED ep for them. So did my best per usual for gif space. They had wall to wall moments which is amazing but daunting for reviews ha The gif puzzle was a hard one but I got it worked out. Do love a challenge. Anyways let us begin.

6x02 The Hammer

Our couple starts up still icy and tense af. I relate to Tim so much in this first scene. Shocker I know. I’m very much the kind to be like. 'It sucked, I noted it sucked, I was upset and now we’re moving on.' I hate beating a dead horse if I feel the subject has been talked to death. Now that isn't this situation but it is the jist of the scene for Tim at least. Lucy asking if they can talk Tim says yes BUT there’s nothing to talk about. Now, where I am like Tim in wanting the expedience of a situation to be over, I'm not in how he handled the end of the scene above. Just avoiding it completely. I have grown quite a bit due to therapy thankfully.

So this is where he and I differ in this tiff. What he's doing used to be my M.O. Where as now I still want it over quickly but I now I follow it up with how I recognize how I can be better. If I’m in the wrong that is. I ask what I can do moving forward so doesn’t happen again? Asking what I could do next time to make sure they don't feel that way in the future? Or if I’m the wronged party explaining what I need so this doesn’t happen next time. As we know our boy is pre-therapy Tim atm so he does none of those things….Communication as we know not their strong suit.

Lucy wants to talk it out more in detail. Seeing their fight as another bigger fight to come. She isn’t wrong at all. First time I've agreed with her in this prolonged fight. It totally is a pending issue. Lucy tells him just wanting to move on isn’t healthy. Definitely isn't. And he is riled up from the insinuation. Tim just wants to shove it into a box until that issue comes to light again. Which again isn’t the healthiest approach to what she is aiming at. The reality is right or not Lucy hurt him deeply. He clearly isn’t over that and it’s reflected in their convo above. The start to the ep is a fraught one for them.

Lucy meets up with Angela to go over 'The Hammer.' Which she is more than happy to help her out with. What she doesn’t know is she’s about to step in the middle of a lover's quarrel. Which is going to make her even happier tbh. LOL This is one of those 'Angela is the fandom moments.' Where she’s just sitting back and enjoying the show. Her face while she watches the chaos unfold is everything. Look at her above. She is gleeful she lucked into this fight.

Their bickering has reached astronomical married levels. It’s written all over Angela’s face as she watches them argue. With their pot shots, passive aggressive comments, and the fact they’re fighting like she’s not even there anymore. Lastly just the all around husband and wife banter they're displaying for her. The 100th ep delivered in so many ways. This scene is one of them. Our on screen shipper is having the time of her life with this. Not hiding her delight in the least.

She signed on for help then got popcorn and a show to go with it. They don’t even notice her presence till she interjects ‘Let what go?’. They’re so wrapped up in their fight they had forgotten she was there. Angela wouldn’t be Angela without shooting off a snarky reply as they take off. 'Maybe I'll go too. Grab some popcorn on the way for the show.' So bummed couldn't get this one in gif wise. But I’m dying of laughter when Tim says she isn’t funny. Her firing back to 'She’s hysterical. Ask Wesley' LMAO

They arrive at the Hammer's apt and Tim is trying to give Lucy the rundown. Attempting and failing to be clipped and professional with her. But this is Lucy so that was never gonna happen. lol He mentions his real name is Billy Bob Bennett. Lucy touches his arm like she does so naturally and laughs. Asking if that’s really his name? That no wonder he goes by his nickname. Trying to lighten the vibe. Sadly her touch does nothing to soften his annoyance. Tim is still in grumpy mode and didn’t find this funny in the least.

Asking if he can just finish his good news/bad news? Lucy apologizes and say knock yourself out…Not wanting to fight any further on the subject. Tim continues on saying he has a felony warrant. So they could kick down his door if they wanted right now. Which is the good news. Lucy mentions he bought the ring legally though… Which is the bad news. So he has no reason to give them the ring. That he won’t be any more inclined to give it to them when they arrest him.

It’s here we watch Tim hesitate and it’s hilarious. Lucy is watching him with amused eyes wondering why. Has the look of a man who's seen things. haha Tim explains he loves to fight but more importantly he loves to fight cops more than anything. Hence the nickname. It’s the gentle way he pushes her toward his front door after his 'Ladies first.' line LOL I was laughing so hard. She’s smiling even mad she loves this goober of a man. Who says chivalry is dead eh?

When the Hammer opens the door he looks agro af. I love them being in-sync with putting their hands up. Even in a fight they are simpatico in the field. Lucy explains the situation with the ring while hubby nods along. This scene is gold. Hammer mentions the ring was legally bought. This is where she offers him the deal. That if he just gives them the ring they’ll give him a head start. Give him 20 minutes to grab the future misses and go to ground. They won’t start the hunt and call back up till then.

Of course living up to his reputation that’s not enough to get him to bite. He rather fight it out. Want's a fair fight. One on one. They win they get the ring and he gets arrested. Hammer wins he keeps the ring and they arrest him. I remember getting a flash back of the Pilot in this moment. Tim telling her she’s gonna have to fight him lmao Just like last ep the massive different between now and then is he’s in love with Lucy.

She tells him one will care what he looks like tomorrow LOL That she has to be beautiful and in a dress. I mean she isn’t wrong. But also I very much care about what he looks like at that wedding haha Lucy gives him all the heart eyes when he concedes and says ‘Let’s go.’ Even though she can handle herself no way he'd actually make her take this bullet mad or not. Do love her saying 'You got this.' before the fight begins. Ever the supportive wifey.

First off I cannot believe there isn’t a gif set of this fight. (Not that I could fit it in ha but still)There's one of Lucy’s reactions to the fight. But not of the fight itself. Which is a travesty because it’s sexy af on Tim’s part. The song running through the scene is perfection per usual. Second watching this fight makes me cringe at first. Not cause I don’t think it’s amazing. I love it. As stated earlier it's sexy af and impressive. What makes me cringe is having the back issues I have now and Tim having them as well. Hurts to watch for that reason. Hammer wipes floor with him at first. Idk how he isn’t tore up from the floor up after this lol

Lastly I do adore Lucy’s reactions to this. Worried wife mode has been activated. Mad as she is it pains her to not step in. She wants to at first and Tim stops her. Gesturing his hand to not intervene. Couldn’t fit that part in but I adored it. Hammer wanted a fair fight, and being the honorable man he is, Tim will uphold that. He knows Lucy can hold her only with the best of 'em. But Hammer would’ve been pissed had she jumped in to help him. Still I know it was killing her to watch him get tossed around like he did. Tim was NOT winning at first.

Now back to why this fight is sexy. It’s the way Tim holds his own. He gets tossed around like a rag-doll at first. Then learns how the Hammer moves and adapts. If you don’t think him launching himself off that bed and power kicking into his chest isn’t incredibly sexy, we can’t be friends. LOL It's insanely attractive how he took his ass down after that move. Holy hell. Look at those biceps in action. Bulging and sinfully delicious *fans self* I need some ice water. He could put me in a hold like that anytime....Lucy looks so relieved when he gets the ring and Hammer is passed out cold. Her reactions through out were primo though.

Next comes the best part of the scene. Tim staggers over and grabs the ring. Panting and completely out of breath. Damn near ready to pass out. Now this portion of him being on one knee as he hands her the ring. *screams into a pillow* This is foreshadowing at it's finest folks. Alexi wouldn’t have put this in there if he wasn’t gonna cash in on it one day. I truly believe that. The looks they share as well are so damn loaded. Look at the shared looks as he holds up the ring. Oh my lord.

Especially Lucy’s as she accepts the ring and looks down at him. Feeling all the feels we were in the moment. I remember A.H. saying there would be a moment that would launch a thousand gifs. He wasn’t wrong. This was an iconic moment in an episode full of them for our ship. Lucy is riddled with emotion and can barely choke out ‘Good job.’ You know she wants to marry this man. Stubborn streak and all. In that brief moment when he’s staring up at her that hits her. Stuns her a little too honestly. Melissa does a wonderful job conveying all that.

I remember seeing a great set for this. Had him kneeling on one knee from 5x17 when they're in sally port. Then 6x02. The caption read ‘Third time is the charm.’ In my heart of hearts I believe that. Next time he’s on one knee it’s going to be to ask Lucy Chen to marry him. To be his wife. What a beautiful day that’ll be. *dreamy sigh* That being said this moment was meant to be foreshadowing no doubt in my mind. The way the shot was framed and everything screamed that. It is funny to cap it off with Tim passing the hell out after it all haha Along with Lucy’s ‘Oh.’ as he collapses. It's hilarious. Poor Tim.

We move onto the unconventional bachelor/bachelorette parties. Because yes even though our ship is the best part of this ep, there is still a wedding to be had LOL I loved how this was written and shot. How it bounces back and forth between both parties. And how it’s about Chenford for most part not John/Bailey. Cause let’s be real. Ain’t no one watching this ep for their actual wedding. Also loved how this had that amazing rom-com vibe all over it. Made me very happy and I was here for it.

This portion shows us what we already know. They both got issues and aren’t confronting them. Celina’s comments crack me up. She’s new to shipping Chenford but is a shipper none the less. Basically being like you guys are what I’m striving for in my love life. So please work it out haha Tim noting they’re great when she’s not accusing him of made up transgressions. I mean he’s got you there Lucy....

Once again I’m on Tim’s side with this back and forth dialogue. Yes he was deeply traumatized by what happened with Isabel. But she is projecting onto him in this instance. Because she isn’t ready for all that comes with UC/detective. Chastity has a solid reply to Lucy about UC. A mic drop one really. We all know she is actually dreading what might happen now that she has him. Chastity trying to get Lucy to confront she's scared. Breaking News. She doesn't...She throws it back on Tim instead unfortunately.

Said this before just because you are good at something doesn’t mean it’s your destiny. Having to leave him for possible months at a time is shaking her. Also with how dangerous it is. That it increases the fact she could not come home to him. The detective exam makes UC a legit reality. One I don’t think Lucy really thought about because it was a distant future. Now that it’s closer she’s hitting the panic button HARD. Not only that but projecting onto Tim with this fight they’re still in. She’s in massive denial and it’s all over her in this scene.

Lucy breaks off from the party. She is meeting Tim at the station but she’s not sure why. I love how cute Tim is just waiting for her. So pleased with himself for this solution. Looking mighty yummy in his black shirt all wired up. Telling Lucy she can ask him whatever she wants. Just like the last ep he’s desperate to proof he’s on her side. That he’s truly rooting for her. Lucy gets excited asking if she can ask him anything? Tim is confused and says the point was to ask him about detective/UC….

I adore how Lucy instantly throws him off. How she crowds him and flusters him in the process. Saying they should be 'Thorough' as she scoots closer to him. Madam you aren't here to turn him on haha The way she approaches him says otherwise. Look at that man’s reaction. He’s so distracted he almost forgets why he’s wired up. Even after being together awhile she still takes his breath away. Look at the way he inhales sharply when she gets closer. Encroaching on his space.

Makes my shipper heart so damn happy. He’s a little turned on by her descent on him. How she pulls up nice and close. Not only that but scoots in and brackets his leg with her thighs. She knows what she's doing and is very aware that man loves her thighs. Tim is shook in the best way ahha I bet his heart rate spiked on that machine LMAO The way he looks her up and down. Floored by this woman in front of him. Hell of a way to start this scene.

Lucy wants a baseline so she starts with the bug question. Honestly it’s the best way to diffuse the tension before it gets real. Such a cute married moment this portion. Asking if he really releases the bugs she traps for him? Idk what’s cuter. Tim indulging her by taking them out to “Set them free.” Or Lucy asking him to do so while low key knowing he wasn’t LOL Marriage thy name is Chenford. His sigh before he admits he doesn't is so funny. That 'No' is hysterial.

His bemused face while she see's his answer is true is precious. The hilarious way he’s like yeah. I didn’t cause they’re bugs lol This is Grumpy X Sunshine personified for them with this part. I loved getting this look into them outside of work. When they’re just at her place being them. Clearly it's something that's been going on for a long time and I’m dying. Tim pretending to do so cause he loves her.

But he’s still him and isn’t gonna save a bugs life lmao Cause well. Tim. The fact he’s been killing them and lying to spare her feelings. That’s love ya’ll. Deep down she knew haha But needed to get the proof while he was wired up. Amazing. Damnit I love these two sfm. This episode is a treasure trove of goodies. Also just more proof how pure Lucy is. Wouldn’t hurt a fly literally. Pure sunshine this one.

Lucy gets a little more serious. Asks Tim if he loves her? Now it’s subtle and our ship is so good at the subtle goodness. I adore the slight shake of his head first. The way he looks at Lucy before he answers. Like how is this even a question? He feels every part of his being, every action he does, how he's opened up for her screams how much he loves her.

Like of course I love you, Lucy Chen. His heart eyes are off the charts adorable. I love the way he meets her half way. Needing to be closer to her when he says this. Does that deep breath first. Leans in with the biggest in love smile and tells her 'Yes. I love you.' *swoon* I could hear him say that all day.

You know his deep breath before he replies reminds me of 5x08 when he took a leap of faith. Took a deep breath and went for it. The sweet smile when he says he loves her. *squee* Nothing makes more sense to him than being in love with this woman in front of him. It’s written all over his confession and beautiful face. He couldn’t be more in love with her if he tried. Lucy’s knowing smirk is everything below.

I do remember there being a debate if this was first time he said that to her or not. I mean I’m not sure still tbh. Months later and I'm not 100% either way tbh. I mean how she looks at him when she asks him makes it seem like it is. Almost like she's holding her breath waiting for the answer. But then her reaction above is a knowing smile of someone who already knows. Like she's heard it from him before. And is using hearing it to ground herself in this moment.

Needing to hear that reassurance that he loves her. Because the next question is the biggie. But I could totally see this being the first time as well. It's one thing I'm not confident on which is very rare for me with them. Anyways no matter what camp you fall in this scene is fantastic. We got a love struck Tim Bradford telling Lucy he loves her. Nothing better than that you ask me. Not only that but with the biggest in-love grin we could ask for. So either way the scene is a massive win for us. I also can’t hear Tim say he loves her enough. Wanna hear it on a loop.

Makes me squee and simultaneously want to pass out from the glee. Unfortunately the lie detector detects its first lie in him being ok with her going UC. Even Tim is shocked by it. He truly thought he was going to pass that question with flying colors. Lucy isn’t shocked but Tim is. Why? Because the man as I’ve stated before would die rather than not support her. He is floored it's a lie. It does cause some good self reflection from him later at the wedding as we will see.

They sadly arrive to the wedding separately. Tim showing up looking like an absolute snack though. I love this vertical shot. Giving us a glorious look at him dressed to the nines. Tall drink of water I would like a sip of. Hot damn. Chicken or steak? Neither. I’ll take Tim Bradford wearing the hell out of that suit please and thank you. Also we know that man didn’t pick that suit out. Has Lucy written all over it with how they match. I can only imagine them going shopping for it and Tim protesting the entire time haha

Tim is actively seeking his person out as his eyes scan the crowd. Even mad he needs eyes on her. They lock eyes across the courtyard. Lucy looks excited to see him. She takes in how good he looks then remembers she’s mad at him. Doesn’t maintain it long after that sadly. Angsty goodness right there ooof. I’m here for it.

The wedding happens after but I don't really care about that TBH. The looks continue in the afterparty. Tim drinks at the bar and watch's his girl have fun on the dance floor. Lucy’s gaze a little softer this time around as she looks back at him. *sigh* Does crack me up Celina asks Aaron if they'll be ok as she watches them long for each other haha Girl is seriously worried about them. I love it.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Tim being the one to bridge the gap. He's reaching out to her and is ready to talk this out. He doesn't even acknowledge Luna when he walks up. Only has eyes for his girl. Sorry Luna LOL He can’t be away from her any longer. Tim extending his hand asking her to dance wordlessly. That silent communication of their's in full force. My heart.

I adore how Luna is looking at them when Lucy gets up. Lucy looks back and gets her nod of approval. Like go make up with your man honey. Love Lucy’s smile knowing how Tim coming to her is a huge deal. My god how this man has grown. Makes me happy to no end. The music once again *chef kiss* This song is glorious in it's perfection for this scene. I'll never hear this song the same way again that's for sure. It'll bring me right back to this moment.

From here on out it is all hands hands hands. I saw someone make a tag of *pterodactyl screeching* for this scene. Made me cackle. If that isn’t the fandom in this moment. Eric and Melissa are so good at the little things that make us lose our damn minds. The way he softly takes her hand in his. How she can’t keep hers off him from minute they hit the dance floor. I don’t blame her my hands would be all over him too. I love how they get lost in one another instantly. Looks at those smiles above.

These two couldn't be happier to be near each other. Their time apart has really made that craving to be close increase ten-fold. Despite the lie detector scene they’ve been apart physically since 6x01 if not longer than that. Probably pre-6x01 but post 6 weeks in his office. Haven’t really been affectionate since then either. They’re being drawn back in like a moth to the flame when they're reunited. Like they're coming up for air for the first time in forever. Been trapped in this fight for far too long.

They get so lost in being together again they almost forget they’re still in a fight. I love this so much. The one above has me swooning the most. Look at them. The way she runs her hand down his chest. The smile on his face is everything. Just so happy to have her in his arms again. How Lucy is looking at Tim. phew lord. That is a loaded look. Mixture of sheer happiness and wanting to take him to nearest closest tbh. Seems like such an intimate gaze she's throwing his way.

He's reciprocating with his own fiery intensity. *fans self* Forgetting they are indeed in public. I love how they sway in perfect tandem together. Gah if you wanted to know what utter perfection and chemistry looked like. Go no further than this gif. Look at these stunning humans just exuding their attraction for one other. Beautiful thing to behold. Saying so much with just their incredible physical chemistry. Sweet lord we are so lucky to have Eric and Melissa helming this ship.

Tim is the one to break the silence. Finally admitting after episodes of sheer frustration last year, he isn’t ok with her being UC. That he’s more conflicted than he realized. He truly thought he was ok enough about it. Enough that he could pass a lie detector test. He wouldn’t have done it if he thought it would’ve proved him wrong. In his heart of hearts he thought he was ok adjacent lol

His suppressed feelings for months coming out in his answer. Lucy is very kind in her reply to him. Letting him know it’s understandable. That it was so horrible how could be possibly be over that? I love her fingers climbing up and down his lapel the entire time. Gripping it when she needs it. Almost as if touching him constantly is going to ground her in this moment. Which I think it is. Being near him always been a comfort to her.

I couldn’t be prouder of him if I tried in this portion. Tim growth moments are my fav moments. To not only tell her 'Hey you were right.' but to admit to being wrong. Tim Bradford just admitted to being wrong. Man must be in love baha Tim being even more amazing in growth won’t take the out she's given him.

Stating it’s not fair to her. That he needs to deal with it. He takes it even one step further. Telling her that her dream shouldn’t have anything to do with his issues. What a man. How Lucy doesn’t pull him into the nearest closet/room for make up sex right then and there idk haha Has more will power than I would.

Lucy is touched by his honesty and owning his part in this UC fight. It’s written all over her face when she says ‘Thank you.’ The ‘hands hands hands’ continues and I’m all but squealing. Look at her fingers at back of his neck/head and all over his hair. Her other hand coming up to stroke his bicep too. I’m dying here of cloud 9 happiness.

The way she strokes the back of his head while she’s comforting him. I cannot you guys. It’s so soft and cute. I’m dead. Here lies Caitlin- Cause Chenford was off the charts cute and she imploded. Happily take that death all damn day. The way she tells him they’re gonna get through this. My heart. She truly would’ve gone through ANYTHING for him. Thought they truly could recover from any conflict. Weather any storm as long as they're together.

Look at Tim and the way he's smiling down at her in that second gif. He believes it too because she does. Ugh. Makes what happens in 6x06 hurt all that more. But let’s not think about that too much. I wanna live here for awhile and avoid that until I literally can’t and we’ve reached 6x06 lol I can't get over her fingers in his hair you guys. The way she is sweetly caressing his neck and arm. Some fanfic goodness IRL. My damn heart. I'm not crying you are.

If this scene wasn't amazing enough we reach Lucy's ILY and it's GLORIOUS. The way she searches his face and makes sure he can see it. That it’s splayed all over her face how much she loves him. Her heart eyes on full blast for him. She once again is caressing the back of his neck as she says it too. Then we get the sweet kiss to follow it *heart clutch* I’m weeping at how beautiful this scene is. The writers really did us justice with this moment. Eric and Melissa knocked it out of the park and then some. Always elevating the material given to them in so many ways.

Her hand on his face as they continue to sway in tandem. Her thumb running down his jawline tenderly. The way he’s looking down at Lucy gets me in the feels hard. Like he can’t believe this beautiful woman loves him warts and all. He’s in complete awe of her in this moment. So happy this incredible woman has chosen to love him. The vulnerability he is displaying here is a sight to see. Truly proof of how she obliterated his wall and then some.

The sweet smile he gives her at the end. *squee* He’s ecstatic she loves him despite their issues. Despite his issues. Constantly blown away by the woman in his arms. Lucy returning his expression in kind. Looking up at him like he's the best thing that's ever happened to her. Because well he is. Her loving smile while looking up at him. I'm dying. It's why the man is puddle right now.

Wouldn’t be Tim if he didn’t follow up with a goobery joke though. Because she brings that side out in him like no other. Let us also enjoy how Lucy still can’t keep her hands off his lapel btw. Or him in general really. I can’t stop focusing on the hands and how they’re all over each other. His crack about the lie detector is pretty damn cute. A great way to finally end the tension between them.

It’s the way Lucy laughs and slaps that same hand, with her DOD ring on his chest, that gets me. She loves this ridiculous goober of a man so much. Their physical chemistry is unreal. Never seen any other like it. Tim is beaming down at her. So happy to have made her laugh the way he did. Her laughter is music to his ears. Mine too. If you weren’t grinning ear to ear after that joke you’re dead inside LOL This part is so sweet I’m diabetic.

Aaron sadly ruins the moment with his drunk ass. We immediately see soft, funny, and light Tim disappear instantly. Fierce protector Tim emerges as he pulls Lucy close to him. Never letting his hand leave her waist as he scolds Aaron. Pulling her closer and closer as he does. And uses his other arm to keep Aaron away from Lucy. I love it so much. Once again it’s the little things our captains do so damn well. We eat it up like candy haha

Celina takes off after a call solo. Idk why she would after everything happened with Aaron in 5x22. But Nolan is her T.O. So… Thought we made it a review without a Nolan pot shot didn’t you? Well I snuck one in. #noregrets

Anyways we watch our couple emerge from an unseen area. Smiles for days on Lucy's face. Which we all took as they had make up sex and we’re seeing the afterglow of that heh. It’s where all our minds went and I love it. D is writing a fic based on that. Idk when but I cannot wait for that. *cough* please write it next bestie.*cough*. They all go into cop mode like the BAMFS they all are about Celina. Except Aaron he’s sidelined by Tim for being hammered. Poor sweet Aaron is a struggle bus.

They save Celina and our ship looks amazing as they do it of course. Didn't have room for that great shot of them. Gives me all the feels Lucy showing up to the scene with Tim in his truck. That little things theme continues. Also Tim in his tie and badge showing? Yum. Gimme. To quote ZZ Top ‘ Cause every girl crazy bout a sharp dressed man.’ Mmm. And that concludes the ep Chenford wise.

Phew that was a doozy to write. Their content heavy ones always are I hope did it justice had fun writing it. They beyond delivered with this 100th ep. It’s memorable for so many reasons and we got loads of moments from it. Something did wanna touch on that I didn’t love during their dance. I didn’t love the blame squarely being on just Tim for their fight. Lucy had a hand in it too. Tim deserved an apology too. Other than that its perfect. Now I’m wondering if they’re gonna touch on her mental health stuff more in S7. Because there was a lot of build up to it in this entire season. I’m hoping they do cause they put her through damn ringer this season. Gotta have a pay off or some sort like Tim’s did.

Thank you forever and always to those who read, comment, like and reblog these reviews. They do my heart real good when you do. You are the reason I do them. So thank you. Shall see you all in 6x03 :)

~~~

Side notes- non Chenford

The cold open LOL It’s fantastic. Cop cutie is so funny I love it. Nolan’s reaction is hilarious. Just walks away ahaha while Celina jams out.

Harper telling Lucy to ‘run.’ at the bachelorette party had me rolling. Mekia has great dead pan comedic timing. I adore her for it.

I love Nyla looking out for Celina with Aaron. She’s such a good mentor. Telling her Being Aaron's only support is a slow poison. It's true I've been there.

They all looked amazing for this wedding. We have the most beautiful cast. End to end.

The music at the wedding primo. John Mayer, Young MC and Alicia keys. Solid af. Good job James haha

[porcelain-gal]

ANOTHER CONTROVERSIAL SHIFTING TAKE moika yapping about shit no one cares about again?? that's crazyyy, who would've thought! but fr, i know i said i'd stop with this shit but i'm a very opinionated person with entirely too much to say so i'm back to talking! like always, if you don't agree that's fine but please don't leave rude or passive aggressive comments or messages in my inbox because i will delete them and block you! <3

i need y'all to stop yelling "it's not your life" and getting pissy at people when you post about the immoral and inhumane things you do in your realities/lives and receive backlash from it. your excuse is that "it's not your reality so you shouldn't care", failing to realize that most of the people here have grown up in society and you probably have as well and in this society, we are taught morals and values.

if you post about doing shit in your life that the majority of society in this reality as a whole has deemed as bad/immoral (e.g., dating minors as an adult, race-changing/rcta, etc) for multiple reasons, why do you expect to not be judged or criticized for it? you cannot expect people to throw aside their feelings about what they have been taught is bad and that many have seen the harmful effects of in seconds just so you and a small demographic of people who like doing that kind of stuff can feel comfortable talking about it freely.

no, people aren't going to respect or agree with you if you shift somewhere and kill innocent people. no, people aren't going to respect or agree with you if you go to realities where you shift to date minors as an adult. no, people aren't going to respect or agree with you if you change your race/sexualize and glorify or even villainize the lives of minorities. no, people aren't going to respect or agree with you if you're a bully and harass people in your reality "for the plot." you can't keep expecting people to conform to your ideals and actions just because you want to be able to freely talk about being a shitty person because in the eyes of many people here, you absolutely are.

and on that same note, you also need to remember that it is YOUR choice to post what you do on YOUR account. no one is forcing you to post about anything you do in your life. you willingly put out information about your life that NO ONE ASKED FOR onto the heavily-opinionated internet and expect people to just be like "oh cool" and move on from the fact that you're doing fucked up shit just because it's your life?

sorry to tell you this but if everyone just didn't give a fuck about what other people did in their lives, things like queerphobia, racism, xenophobia, and the variety of other -phobias and -isms would not exist and on the opposite side, shit like child marriage, murder, and abuse would be way more prominent and nothing would be done about it since people just wouldn't care.

people are going to be in your business whether you like it or not and it sucks but that's just how it is. now am i saying that you don't have a right to be upset at all? no, obviously not. you're being judged, of course you're going to feel upset or like shit about it and you're completely valid in that regard. however, you need to realize why people are criticizing you and understand that that's just going to happen.

you also need to realize that you're never going to change the minds of millions of people in this reality with a tumblr post of you getting mad and trying to shun people who think you're a bad person for doing bad shit and you probably never will. it's your choice whether or not to listen to the people or just go your own way because as long as you keep posting about you doing fucked up shit, people are going to react and the majority won't react positively.

but anyways yeah, this just my take. if you don't agree, that's your opinion and you're entitled to it just as much as i am to mine! just please don't be disrespectful or try to argue with me because again, i will block you and think nothing of it. thanks for reading!

SINCERELY, Yappatron 3000

[peachesofteal]

oh man as much as the end sort of resolves some of the angst in that last baby trap au fic you posted, with johnny and simon more or less clinging to bee as a reminder of their darling, i have to imagine that it isn’t that simple, and it doesn’t stay that neat

you kinda touched upon it earlier in that piece with johnny’s pov and him finding out and everything, saying that they did this to you, but i like to imagine that despite having bee as a reminder of darling, everything still kind of just fractures for simon and johnny (sort of like in your au with darling setting the house on fire and killing herself)

like, maybe it’s a few months in to caring for bee, and while it’s nice—it’s nice to have a daughter that reminds them of you—johnny just always figured it’d be the three of you taking care of your kid—that you’d be there with them for every step of the way, and everything would be okay again. but you aren’t—there isn’t even the possibility of you coming back—and the two of them have to grapple with the weight that they did indeed do this to you. if they hadn’t interfered with darling’s birth control—if they hadn’t gotten you pregnant (against your will) in the first place, you’d still be there with them

and maybe they can pretend, for a little while, that everything is okay and that they can get through this, but they can’t pretend forever. eventually reality sets in. eventually the apartment feels too empty without you. bee keeps crying for you and despite their best efforts, simon and johnny can’t seem to soothe her. i imagine that one night amidst bee’s crying that johnny says something off handed to simon, passive aggressive and finger-pointing. maybe he’s been prodding at him for a while—an off-note comment here, a sharp jab there—and simon takes it. he knows the weight of your loss that he bears—that he orchestrated. but this time it escalates. i don’t know the specifics of how, but it does. the hurt grows too sharp. it can’t be tucked away in some dark cupboard any longer. i also don’t know the specifics of the argument beyond addressing the blame and the hurt, but I definitely can imagine johnny asking simon if he “still doesn’t regret it”, a la what he said in that argument they had with darling immediately after the discovery of the tampered pills. idk if johnny would try to leave, again similar to the aftermath of the darling suicide au (though this time with bee in tow); it’s difficult for me to say concretely. would love to hear your thoughts on this if you have the time

anyway, sorry to bother you with my extensive thoughts—i haven’t been able to know rest since i discovered your dead disco series, esp. with all the the juicy aus you keep gifting us. i love your work with every cell in my body (i’ve run a poll and checked…. the results were unanimous). stay safe and healthy, and i hope you have a wonderful day!

I… I-

I have so many thoughts and feelings about this. SO many! The imagery you’ve built here, two tired fathers at their wits end, struggling to keep it together, struggling to take care of Bee, struggling to love one another. Failing miserably.

I think about Johnny, who loves Simon so fucking much, who used to not be able to bear the thought of being apart from him, who now considers… what it might be like, if he was alone. What it might be like, if it was just him and Bee. Johnny can’t reconcile his changed feelings, the way his love has shifted in his heart, and that frightens him, it confuses him. Johnny who’s trying so hard to be a good dad, to take care of the pieces that are left of his family, while neglecting himself. And maybe it doesn’t boil over, maybe it hollows out, leaves him feeling like his love and affection for Si has run dry.

Maybe they get into it, like you mentioned. Maybe it devolves into a yelling match, or something else. Something sadder.

“Was this worth it?” Johnny would cry, holding a screaming Bee to his chest. “You still don’t regret it?”

“Johnny. Don’t.” Simon would snap, pain searing into every syllable.

“You won’t even hold her! Can’ even look at her. Your own daughter!” Johnny’s voice would break, like he’s breaking inside, because he feels so alone, so disconnected, so fucking lost.

And like the “burning down the house” au, Simon is destroyed. Wracked with guilt, he can’t sleep, can’t work, can’t focus on anything. He doesn’t even hold Bee, unless it’s necessary, which puts all the more stress in Johnny. All he does is replay it over and over, the day you discovered the pills, the night you left, the last time he saw you, the phone call. All he wanted was to hold you, and tell you how sorry he was, and tell you how selfish he was, how wrong he was. He wanted to beg your forgiveness. He wanted to bring you home.

Instead, they brought home a jar of ashes and a newborn baby.

🩵

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

helloo, never done a match up but recently been very obsessed w bg3 so im curious.

its a little hard describing myself since im not so good with words but id say im anxious/awkward but quickly warm up when someone speaks to me. i love teasing my partner and joking with them in a flirty way. my love language is def words of affirmation. my mbti is intp. ive been called very chill & easy to get along with & just someone who will want to listen & help people. although if someone just saw me on the street theyd assume im very reserved & keep to myself. i dont have the best upbringing and definitely had to persevere my way through life & def had a "dark" path i was heading down but now im at a very good place. the only thing that still really affects me is my anxiety and my constant need for reassurance lol. im very gay so i would prefer to be matched with a woman but id also like to see the male match up as well! poly only:)

A/N: Oh my gosh the bg3 obsession is so real though!! Because you wanted to see both your Male and Female answers (being open to a poly interpretation), for you my Anxious/Awkward INTP Anon, I’m thinking Shadowheart (Female) and Halsin (Male) would be your best bets. 

Shadowheart would be a great match for you! Similar to you, she’s not the quickest to speak, preferring to hang back and observe before commenting. However she is quite the wordsmith, and loves teasing her partner with witty banter as well as the occasional suggestive quip. 

Shadowheart may want everyone to think she doesn’t need help or guidance but in reality she’s actually quite insecure and needy, which means she greatly understands your love language of words of affirmation. She’ll remind you as many times as you ask, how she truly feels about you and hopes that you do the same for her. 

As an INTP, you share some similarities to Shadowheart’s ISTJ, although there are a few notable differences. Whereas you are less of a teacher’s pet, Shadowheart is quite by the book. She places an emphasis on following orders, and doing what is expected of her. This may cause some friction, but its actually for the best as your free nature can help untether her from any unhealthy binds or relationships in her life. 

Shadowheart is fairly easy going compared to the other companions. She’d rather watch from a distance than jump right into the fray of a social event. The two of you can linger at the refreshments table together drinking wine and gossiping about the fashion choices of those around you. 

Depending on how her path goes, Shadowheart may also have just found herself steering away from a darkened path. If she becomes a follower of Selune, she’ll view her days worshiping Shar as a mark on her honor and her soul. At the same time, if she becomes a Dark Justicer for Shar, she will view her short period of doubt as a mark on her honor. Either way, Shadowheart knows what it’s like to be headed down the wrong path, and she will hold no grudges against you for it. 

Shadowheart doesn’t suffer from generalized anxiety but she does have a few fears, wolves being amongst them. She does her best to reassure you of your safety, always taking the time to remind you that she is here for you, as you are the woman she loves, and she would move hell and earth for you. 

In a poly relationship (with Halsin, for example), I can see Shadowheart being a little bit more passive aggressive with her banter/word play. Her choice to be coy rears its ugly head every time she feels neglected. Just be sure to include her in your threesome a bit more and everything will go back to normal. 

Halsin would also be a great choice for you! (If you were attracted to men). Hell, even if you’re not, I don’t think that would stop Halsin from shooting his shot, at least once.He’s lived a long time, he knows it’s better to put yourself out there than risk missing out on a true love. 

Halsin doesn’t mind if you’re not great with words, he’d rather his actions speak for himself and others anyway. He’s a very physically attuned person, being a Druid afterall, and as a result, he’s adept at reading body language. Of course being the enormous lover (ahem slut) he is, he lives for your flirty teasing! He’s also a master at getting people flustered. It becomes a competition between you two, who can say the raunchiest thing to make the other person crack first. If you’re in a poly relationship with him and Shadowheart at this point, she, surprisingly, ends up winning this competition, saying things to make you and Halsin blush (and cause a nun to have a heart attack). She’s the undefeated champion really. 

His ENFJ is a good balance to your INTP. He’s an empathetic enough person to be able to understand your need to think things through logically, without getting hurt in the process. And as an extrovert, he can help you navigate social aspects- especially ones where you feel awkward or out of place. 

Halsin understands having to overcome darkness, as he was burdened with the task of solving the Shadow Curse and saving the shadow lands. He has done several things he is not proud of. (It’s actually interesting, in a scrapped storyline for Halsin early-access had him as the one who dealt the killing blow to Isobel, killing her, and unintentionally sparking the Shadow Curse as it was Ketheric’s grief over the death of his daughter that pushed him over the edge.) Halsin does not know if he is worthy of your forgiveness, but he will welcome it nonetheless. He will always remind you how much you mean to him, not only to quell your anxiety but because he truly cares about you that much.  

In a poly relationship with Shadowheart and Halsin, I see you getting all the attention and reassurance you could ever ask for. Shadowheart and Halsin may butt heads occasionally, especially if Shadowheart still worships Shar. (And I mean it would take A LOT to get Halsin back on board with a Shar-worshiping Shadowheart for a life partner.) But for the most part, you’d make up a very witty, naughty little trio. 

A/N 2.0: Ahhh, sorry it took forever to post this. I’ve actually had this mostly done like a month ago but I didn’t want to share it until I could look it over and make sure it sounds right. I hope you liked it, and it was worth the wait. <3

[indianchindian]

I don't usually come on Twitter, because it is a shit show for sure, but I checked it out last night after seeing Be On Cloud's Instagram post about some event featuring Apo and KT Kratae (First Lady of BOC since she's literally the first woman to sign up this company and i hope more gender sign up for it apart from cis men) and then there is another which is for 4 Minutes that has Bible, Jes, Job, Bas and all. Then after this I saw a tweet and Mile wrote a long tweet supporting them. This is after the stupid gf fiasco happened, so some people were literally like "where is mile?" and some replied that he's making money and spending it all on his gf. In my interpretation, they mean it in a passive-aggressive way, that puts me off. I saw Mile's IG post about him doing a rehersal for a music event or something? Not very sure but idk why do they have to bring his gf here, apart from the fact that their delusions of Mile and Apo being a couple have broken, even though I heard that it was pretty much known amoung Thai fans since the KinnPorsche days that Mile already has a gf. Now people would be like "Why is he all touchy and holding hands with Apo?" like guys? So you don't know what same-sex friendships are like? I'd be a huge womanizer if I use their logic then lol, because I'm as affectionate with my female friends as them 😭

Thankfully I'm one of those who never saw MileApo as a couple. I always find their interactions to be wholesome, but to me they mostly act as friends. Sure I noticed that they were being a lil fan service-y, but that's part of the entertainment business. Unfortunately, a lot of fans feel entitled to dictate their lives. They love us as we do, but that doesn't give us such entitlement apart from them doing damn good at their jobs, i.e., entertainment. We only know their public personas, but we don't know what's behind that persona. That's the reality, whether it's sad or not.

Fuck that! On IG someone even tagged his gf and blamed (or sarcastically thanked) her for the sinking MileApo ship! Luckily someone said that they were never a couple in the first place. This is beyond deluded to begin with, and while I'm angry at the delusional shippers, I'm glad that this has broken the ship. And I'm also glad to have shipped them as KinnPorsche and not as MileApo. I freaking still love their chemistry, but it's only because they are besties and that their intimacy coordinator is damn fucking good at their job. Now back off if you still are mad at Mile or still delusionally ship MileApo. I don't mind those who are casual shippers though.

And all of this reminds me of Perth Nakhun pointing out in his BL Q&A video that a lot of fans become "body-language experts". Many months ago I pointed out on MyDramaList (I was very active there at that time) about a reel of Mile not touching a woman's upper-back while clicking a picture with her as she was wearing a backless dress, then transitioning to him being touchy-feely with Apo, saying that only he can touch Apo. I remember one person commenting that they don't know basic human interactions and this applies a lot 😁😁😁 anyways, bye-bye!!!!

[e-wills-afterhours]

Pretentious Coffee, Chapter 5

In reality, Astrid knew very little about Hiccup. She didn’t know his last name, where he was from, how old he was, nor something as mundane as his favorite color. He was a stranger, and Astrid had a natural disinclination toward the different and unfamiliar. Her life had always been perfectionism, tradition, and obtainable expectations.

In the wake of her breakup, it became distressingly clear how little joy all of that brought her.

Hiccup represented change. He was a departure from her structured life of top grades and—until just recently—a steady, stagnant relationship. The only competition between the two of them was the clashing of wit, opposed to a passive-aggressive battle for innate superiority.

Other than that, Hiccup was a complete mystery to be unraveled—a thick novel with an exciting back cover summary. He was a distraction from her misery, until two-timing ex-lovers united them by a common pile of absolute crap.

She hated Eret even more for it—for reaching into the private daydream she had set aside for herself, tainting it.

“This isn’t how I imagined this would go,” Eret said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Astrid shared the sentiment. She thought the next time she spoke to him would be one-on-one, where she could tear him apart. Likely, it would have escalated to a shouting match, but that would have been enough to give her closure and end things on mutual loathing; her pride would be bandaged with contempt.

“Why is this so strange? Is this too straight-forward and decent for you?” Hiccup asked, and Astrid found herself inching closer to him.

“Look, Hiccup,” Eret sighed, “it was never about you. Or Astrid. What happened between Heather and I—it wasn’t intentional.”

“Neither is, say…vehicular manslaughter, but that doesn’t make it okay, does it?”

Astrid nearly choked on a mouthful of beer. She turned away quickly to cough and stifle a rather poorly timed laugh. Hiccup caught her eye and there was the hint of a smirk on his face. She flashed him a smile Eret couldn’t see.

“It’s not like this came out of nowhere,” Heather finally spoke up.

“Right. You asked for space and I gave it to you. How thoughtless of me,” Hiccup muttered, taking a long sip of beer. “Or was I supposed to inherently know that ‘I need some space’ actually meant you wanted to be pursued?”

“Headgames, huh? Well, you know all about those, don’t you?” Astrid asked, rounding on Eret.

“So, you didn’t even bother to read my texts,” he accused.

“Would they have contained some new revelation?”

Eret fell quiet, brow furrowing into a solid line. Astrid stared back at him unwavering.

There they were, mirror images. Both too much alike to back down. Cut from the same cloth, they were both too headstrong to last. Neither one wanted to lose—to be the one left limping way from their failed relationship with their proverbial tail between their legs.

“Let’s go,” Heather murmured, gently tugging on his arm. “I like the fire pit better, anyway.”

Eret shot Astrid one last lingering glance meant to wither her, but she did not balk. They were both proud, and so things remained unsettled still. There was more that needed to be said before their relationship could be declared legally deceased. Astrid had a whole glossary of creative insults and curse words she had yet to throw in his face and it would be such a shame if it were to go unheard.

Eret and Heather slipped back outside leaving Hiccup and Astrid in a resounding silence that the even stereo’s bass beats couldn’t penetrate.

It was only them in the tiny space, with their beer and regrets. They wouldn’t look at each other, though their history and embarrassment had become inextricably linked.

“So, that was awkward,” Hiccup commented.

Astrid could appreciate his attempt to lighten the mood.

“Heather is—was your…?”

“Yeah. I didn’t realize Eret screwed somebody over as well. He seems like a decent guy…except for the whole, y’know, falling for other people’s girlfriends thing.”

Astrid nodded. She rotated her bottle in her hands, admiring the label.

“Looks like you and I are connected,” she said.

Hiccup smiled wryly. “By heartache and bad coffee.”

“Passable coffee,” Astrid amended.

Hiccup laughed and it warmed Astrid’s toes again. She couldn’t help noticing the way his green eyes lit up like the absurd marijuana leaf atop the Christmas tree, and the way his freckles consolidated as his face contorted with mirth. She smirked, hiding it in her drink as she considered him through her lashes.

In light of their similar circumstances, she found him more appealing. True, he was no longer separate from her problems with Eret, but Hiccup understood where she was at. He could relate, and he was still so intriguing in addition to it all.

He replied, “I’m afraid you don’t know what constitutes decent coffee.”

Astrid had to give him that. “No. I don’t.”

Another silence settled between them, but it was far less heavy.

“Are you leaving, then?” Hiccup asked.

Astrid cocked her head to the side and wondered if his incessant talking was a compulsion.

“To put some distance between the two of you,” he gestured vaguely toward the backdoor, and Astrid understood to whom he referred.

“No. I’m not running away this time,” she huffed. “He can stand out there and stew in it for all I care. Best thing I can do is enjoy myself.”

“Mmm, because you were just so successful at that before I waltzed over here.”

Astrid rolled her eyes and reached out to swat him in the shoulder. He flinched but chuckled.

“Fine. Parties aren’t really my thing,” she admitted, “but I don’t want him to gloat, thinking he ran me off.”

Hiccup’s grin broadened, and though his sarcastic quips tested her claims and her patience, there was no judgment in them. He was enjoying himself, engaging her on intellect, drawn in by her brain.

“Yes,” he sad. “Staying at a party you hate just to rub it in Eret’s face isn’t vindictive at all.”

She found their mental exercise equally stimulating. Never before had someone shown such fascination in her wit, provoking her purely for the fun of the banter.

She fired back, “You’d rather I leave then?”

His expression changed from cocky to startled. “No, no! No, I…I was just saying…”

But what he was supposedly ‘just saying’ was never defined. He gazed out of the kitchen window, sipping his beer with a red tint to his ears that could not be attributed to an overhead string of Christmas lights.

In their seemingly endless volley, Astrid had just scored a point.

She was smug, catching a glimpse of the first page of him, beneath his glossy cover with its snarky taglines.

“Anyway, this party hasn’t been all bad. Besides Ruffnut, though, I don’t really know anyone else here,” she told him, sizing him up as he stared elsewhere.

Those fitted black slacks were seared into her memory, even as she admired his loose, low-riding sweatpants. Heather was decidedly a fool.

Astrid’s eyes snapped back to his as he turned toward her again.

“You know me,” he replied.

She rolled her eyes. “You served me coffee and attitude once.”

“Well, I—“

“You implied I was privileged, too.”

She delighted in the way he grew flustered—the most un-composed she had seen him. She was slowly peeling back the layers of him, and each one was more endearing than the last, which wasn’t difficult when his outermost façade was one of an almost cynical apathy. There was an appeal to the two sides of him—the newer, more vulnerable side, and the persona he projected to give the impression Heather hadn’t crushed him.

Astrid could relate.

“A-haha,” he laughed dryly. “Uh, yeah. My humor can…sometimes leave much to be desired.” His eyes flickered pointedly to the back door. “Or so I’ve been told.”

Astrid scoffed. “Who cares what she thinks anymore?”

Hiccup quirked an eyebrow. “You seem awfully concerned with what Eret thinks.”

Astrid opened her mouth to refute him, but immediately snapped it closed. Any excuse would be a lie and he was far too clever to buy it. Flirting or teasing, whichever was more accurate, there was an honesty in their exchanges that she hadn’t enjoyed with anyone else.

Sarcastic, though he may be, Hiccup didn’t mislead. He hadn’t said anything meant to misrepresent himself; no bragging, no self-adulation. He didn’t try to woo her with flattery. There was not a single incidence she could recall where he had tried to impress her. Since he had first sassed her in that coffee shop, Astrid had the impression Hiccup was being nothing but honest in the parts of himself he had chosen to show her. It was masking an internal turmoil much like her own, but it was very much real to who he was.

She owed him nothing less in return.

“An old habit dies hard,” she retorted. “Although, I would say it’s less caring about what he thinks, and more trying to stay one step ahead of pettiness.”

“A strategy I can appreciate.” He tilted his drink forward and they clinked bottlenecks together.

Hiccup swallowed the last of his beer and strode to the recycle bin to toss the empty glass. Astrid couldn’t help watching him move. He was lanky, but with some detectable definition beneath his shirt.

She finished off the rest of her beer, feeling her pulse quicken before her brain could even catch up. But she knew—adding her bottle to the bin and brushing past him—that the gathering electricity in the air was a premonition of things that might be. She was standing on a precipice with him, but whether he be just polite or obtuse, Hiccup was not straightforward about his intentions. She was going to have to decide the turn of events, should he be so inclined…

He was not an alpha male—everything Astrid had previously believed she wanted. That old checklist was quickly fading like a piece of notebook paper left out in the rain.

It was not like her to pursue—to have to ask. It was intimidating to make herself open to rejection. That was not the norm in a predictable relationship that unfolded exactly how one would expect. Nothing about her interactions with Hiccup followed any of the rules or standards she otherwise lived and dated by.

But she needed that; she needed something extraordinary to propel her forward to explore the potentials of dating, of adulthood, and a liberated sexuality.

Hiccup was that kind of extraordinary. He wasn’t a guaranteed solution to her problems, but he would certainly unlock what came next, pulling her spinning wheels out of the mud.

It was intimidating, but also empowering. With him, she could take a chance.

“Well, I’m not going back out there, and you’re the only person worth talking to in here,” Astrid sighed, folding her arms across her chest.

She could feel her own heart racing like she had just ran a mile.

Hiccup smiled. “I’ll take that as a compliment rather than a lack of options.”

“Is there someplace more private we could move…this?” Astrid gestured between them, trying not to be too implicit.

It was all still open-ended. Hiccup had given her no indication either way.

Perhaps she was being unreasonable? Perhaps he wasn’t attracted to her in that sense? Perhaps she was reading too much into whatever chemistry she thought they had?

And for that reason, she wanted nothing explicitly stated, in part so she couldn’t be rejected.

Hiccup’s face did something peculiar, running through a range of emotions from taken aback, to curious, to contemplative. Nothing negative passed over his features. His shoulders slackened, head tilted to the side, trying to decode the riddle of her request.

“Sure,” he said, leaving the kitchen abruptly, and Astrid assumed she was meant to follow.

As she trailed him through the narrow hallway, she felt like molten lead was being pumped into her legs.

They were headed for his bedroom.

Her entire body felt hot with anxiety, excitement, and a knees-wobbling anticipation. She tried to remind herself a simple invitation to his bedroom did not necessarily mean anything—it was a small house where the only other private space was the bathroom, currently occupied by someone puking.

Still, she hoped it was a short hallway or Hiccup might turn to find her collapsed in the middle of it.

They took a sharp right leading to a single door that he held open for her.

“After you,” he said, and Astrid smiled, hoping her nerves didn’t twist it into something unhinged.

She stepped over the threshold, committed to chase Hiccup as far as she could down the rabbit hole.

[e-adlirez]

Your headcanons for the thea sisters is so fun and amusing! I was just wondering if you have more headcanons about them?

Oh DO I--

Once again I will clarify that my headcanons are very genfic-y, so uh, you're not gonna see any comments about the girls' sexual orientations or anything

So with that outa the way, headcanons :]

Canon context for most of these, Violet is canonically passive-aggressive as hell and is capable of dishing out some insane shade (for evidence, please consult every other time she's lightheartedly roasted the other girls, and the scene where the girls talk to Angus in Old Castle (the one where he attempts a pity party thing only for Violet to shut him down coldly); and also the non-English extras in the non-English books :D)

I will draw this at some point, but since Pam canonically believed that classical music is boring back in the day (like fall-asleep-to-the-sound-of-it boring), I like to think that passive-aggressive Violet and her cheeky ass slipped into her stereo key evidence that classical music is NOT boring, while Pam was slowly dozing off in her room or something. Feel free to make your selections of headcanon pieces from Liszt, Shostakovich, Ernst, Verdi, Stravinsky, Tchaikovsky and more :D maybe even slip in a Haydn if you want :DDD

Nicky is the memelord of the group, and Paulina is the interpreter who has to explain to literally everyone what a mood and a tbh creature is.

Violet has a distinct Hangzhou accent when she speaks Chinese because she's been around her grandfather enough that she picked it up. She's rather self-conscious about it, but fortunately no one has made an open note about it so far. Also she is self-conscious about it but she doesn't really know how to change it so it's less "Hangzhou". She also doesn't really want to change it, so there's that.

Ever since I learned that English teachers in China can only be native English speakers from certain first world countries (and South Africa for some reason), I now have the funni idea of Violet having an unexpected accent when she speaks English. Just imagine one of the girls having a brain crash over Vi having either an American (neutral American), British, Irish Canadian, New Zealand, Australian, or South African accent. If it's Australian, then feel free to have Nicky's brain crash and think Vi's a Chinese immigrant who lives in Australia.

Not a Thea Sister, but Vic is canonically a gremlin (in the comics anyway). Headcanon, one of his favorite pastimes is platonically flirting with Pam to get her all flustered. Everybody thinks Pam has a crush on Vic, but the reality is she has a complicated relationship with him, and she's just not used to having someone flirt with her.

Pam is painfully oblivious to Shen having a crush on her, because the way Colette in particular teases her about it makes it sound like Pam has a crush on Shen, which Pam doesn't. That plus the fact that Shen never confessed makes it off to be a stupid rumor (in Pam's mind at least).

Nicky swears a lot, and the only reason they don't appear in the books is because Thea is very aware of the fact that kids like reading her books.

Violet came up with the nickname Coco for Colette out of lighthearted spite for "Vivi" and "Princess", the two nicknames Colette gave her early on in canon (there're these extras in the non-English books, and Dragon's Code's one in particular has the girls writing to each other. Colette gave her the nickname "Princess" because she saw Violet as a "little miss perfect" type person). It was supposed to be a one-off joke that Vi told in front of the girls once, but Coco has stuck ever since.

Enjoy :D

[sanchoyo]

anyway. youtuber OC AU

-mira would have a sakura-hime/magical girl manga/anime focused analysis and theory channel. all of her videos are like 3-4 hours long and involve corkboards. she posts on a very strict regular schedule. she WILL argue in the comments too. until masayume is made the comment moderator and she is RUTHLESS with blocking comments that even dare suggest her girl is wrong, lmao. masayume is well known as her mod and will usually leave very long comments of her own on mira's videos (she is also one of the first ppl to view each of them) that will get voted to the top (and theres always people replying like 'how are you so fast and also on ALL of her videos??' and other people being like 'lol hii mod masayume thanks for your hard work <3!!' she doesnt have a huge following, it's kind of niche, but there is a Small dedicated fanbase.

-persimmon's channel has an ungodly amount of subscribers, like well over 5 mil. she does GRWM/makeup stuff and storytimes + vlogs. shes got a very chill vibe while talking abt the most insane stories u can imagine. and then sometimes she'll upload a wildcard video like 'i made a wardrobe app then programmed my mirror to it so I can play dressup IRL before getting dressed' and people are like. are you an engineer too, what?? and she'll just drop the github code for the thing with easy instructions like nbd. all of her titles are lowercase and theres never clickbait even if they can sound like it 'the time i worked at a shady cafe with a dark secret in the basement'...

-aqua would have the vibe of very early poppy content. like kind of ominous artsy stuff that isnt very long or its just her filming tiny snippets of things she thinks are cool and posting with no description. she had no following until some rando found it, got confused, and posted to reddit, where a bunch of theories about it got started. people are convinced its some kind of ARG and are trying to solve it. theres nothing to solve, but aqua thinks its really cute and will make references to the ARG/fake hints because it seems like people are having fun?? shes not actually TRYING to be weird or mysterious about anything?? occasionally she'll cameo in persimmon's videos and people are like 'crossover of the century?? how do they know each other???'

-sapote would be someone who had a lot of controversies/problematic content in the past but since has mellowed out and just does random podcast guest appearances and has her own now that she posts to youtube only. she will have the most random guests on from both the mews and aliens side and talk about basically anything. a lot of people dont like her still but no one can really deny her content is very entertaining (trashy reality tv kind of funny) and she's gone viral several times. when people find out her and persimmon (who has a mostly positive rep) are related they lose their minds and persi ends up having to block all comments abt sapote on her videos. she's the type you'd think 'wow i used to watch them all the time as a kid, wonder what theyre doing now..' then when you check you're floored at how much she's calmed down!!

-queen has a science channel where she explains really difficult concepts in accessible ways, usually in bite-sized videos to make them even more digestible. arilla would keep her on a good schedule for posting (I do not think she would have a decent schedule on her own, he would basically be her channel manager) her videos would have a verrrry high production value. she would be a youtube darling whose praised for being unproblematic and helpful, until the internet goes CRAZY at some big scandal she does. if youre wondering what the scandal is you'll have to watch a like, 5 hour explanation video because its so convoluted and several other youtubers of other genres are involved?? she goes awol for like a month to lay low them comes back with a ukulele apology. it is very passive aggressive and never directly addresses what shes apologizing for, either

-cara would not be a youtuber. she's a tumblrina.

[manslaught]

she doesn't buy it, not when she's almost certain she knows the truth: that taissa doesn't want mikayla to try to save her marriage, because if the roles were reversed, she wouldn't want it, either. she wants tai's marriage to crumble, so it only makes sense for taissa to want the same thing. “ that doesn't answer my question. ” but she's not expecting a real answer, because mikayla wouldn't give one, either— she'd be more than happy to admit that she couldn't care less about taissa's wife being in the hospital, but she wouldn't admit that she's glad she's here instead of at her bedside, because that feels like admitting too much, and she can't be the first.

“ a normal person would have called first. but i guess you don't know how to do that. ” she can't help but make the passive aggressive comment, despite tai having called her only days before. but that was different, because it wasn't about them. mikayla's still a little surprised that tai just showed up like that in the first place, because as far as she knew, calypso could have been home, could have been the one to answer the door. but maybe this is the way everything was supposed to happen, the both of them together, alone, both of their wives angry with them. “ i told you because you didn't give me a fucking choice, ” mikayla reminds her, waving her hand toward the ring on the table. she should have expected tai to put it together anyway, even if she hadn't found the ring, because either way, she's not wearing it anymore, but maybe a part of her had just hoped that they'd be too busy dealing with tai's problems to worry about any of hers.

she lifts her shoulders in a shrug. “ i wasn't planning on telling you, no. i told you she was out of town for a reason. ” and it felt wrong at the time, lying to her, but she felt like she had no other choice, because even if she wanted to tell her about what happened, it wasn't the right time, not when tai clearly needed her. “ am i supposed to be keeping you up to date on my relationship? it's not like you did that with me. ” a good thing, too, because had she known that tai wasn't actually with her wife days ago, she would have been far less hesitant, far more willing to make calypso's suspicions a reality. it's best that she didn't know.

despite what most people think about her, mikayla's not stupid. she can tell that taissa's talking more about herself than she is about calypso, and it makes her frown, because she'd wanted to hear her admit that for years, wanted to know that leaving her behind was a mistake. but it feels difficult for her to do anything about it now, because maybe tai isn't in the right state of mind, because mikayla should be behaving better after her wife just left her. “ yeah, she is, ” she agrees, ready to leave it at that. but then she hesitates, because it's not all taissa's fault, no matter how many years she spent acting like it was. “ but so am i. ” she hopes that tai knows she's not talking about calypso, either, because really, she would be a coward if she tried to get calypso back, because that would mean wanting to stay in her little bubble of denial, pretending that her life was fine the way it is. it's not, and maybe she's finally ready to face that.

her jaw clenches, looking away again, choosing to focus on the mirror, because it's easier than looking at tai. she knows she didn't deserve to be left, at least not by tai. she deserved it from calypso, but she doesn't care enough to admit it. she watches her own features contort with confusion, because it sounds like tai's admitting the exact same thing: that she doesn't know how to love her wife, and mikayla's first thought is that it has to be because of them. she wants to press her on it, actually address it, but she knows that she can't, because she's just tai is just as willing to admit that she still has feelings for her as mikayla is. but it weighs on her, her guard dropping just slightly, even though it probably shouldn't. she says nothing, just nodding in agreement, looking down at her lap, her hands clenching into fists.

her eyes roll, but she resists the urge to tell her that she could have been a part of her life, because she's sure tai knows that, and she's getting sick of having the same argument. instead, she just accepts the explanation, lifting her gaze to look over at her, shifting her body toward her just slightly. “ you look better in my clothes. ” her voice borders a little too close to flirtation for someone who was just discussing how her wife left her, but this is the entire reason calypso did, after all. because mikayla's too focused on taissa. “ not that the politician look doesn't work for you, but— ” but seeing her in mikayla's clothing fills her with the same sense of smug pride that she'd felt in the wilderness any time it was her clothes tai was wearing, even if they were all sharing clothes back then. but it always felt different, seeing tai in hers. “ i always liked you better in mine. when you weren't busy fucking them up, obviously. ”

she holds her hands up in defense,   because it’s a ridiculous question  —-   but it’s also not one she knows how to answer.   is there even a right way for her to answer,   considering everything?    selfishly,    she doesn’t want it to work;   she wants some kind of validation in knowing that what she feels for mikayla isn’t entirely on her,    that mikayla might still feel it too.     but the part of her that has always cared about her wants her to do whatever is right for her—-   and if that means winning back her wife,    she can support that,  too   (    only if there really is no chance for the two of them anymore,   even if she shouldn’t be thinking about that at all.   )   ❝  i’m just trying to figure you out,  ❞     she counters,   refusing to say anything too direct,   because the alternative is saying,  ‘no,  i don’t.  be with me instead.’

❝  out of fucking nowhere?  ❞    she repeats immediately with a scoff.    ❝  you were the one who told me to come to you if i needed something,  ❞     she reminds,    but that's not exactly why she was here.    if she was thinking consciously,   she doesn’t think she would have taken her up on that offer,    too afraid to actually willingly show up here herself.    but this other part of her urging her towards mikayla made a difference;    she made it happen,   not taissa,   and as much as taissa doesn't want to give her the credit,     it’s because of her.    not taissa,   not mikayla’s insistence—   but this other part of herself.    her hands fall to her sides and she shakes her head.    ❝  and you were the one who told me your fucking wife left you,   and i’m not supposed to care?   ❞     even she can hear how backwards that really sounds,   coming from her,   the ex who recently tried to kiss her.    her eyes roll as she asks about what she was seeking in the bathroom,   and tai’s sure she can’t answer with ‘i was trying to get to know you,’   so she shakes her head and brushes past it.    ❝  so you just weren't going to tell me?   what,  you ask me to stay here for days,   and you don’t think i’m going to figure it out?   ❞    maybe she wouldn't have asked;   maybe she would have preferred to live in this bubble where she and mikayla are with each other,   mikayla's helping her,   tai’s finding comfort in her,   and they don't talk about their wives.   but that was never really an option,  anyway.

it’s instinctual for taissa to want to help,  anyway  —   maybe because there were so many years she failed to do that,  and partly because she remembers a time when they were teenagers and she hadn’t paid enough attention,   hadn’t been there for mikayla when she needed,   and now that they’re back in each other’s lives in some way,   it just  feels natural,   like she can’t possibly turn away now after everything —  even if trying to help her save her marriage isn’t exactly what she wants to do.    ❝  okay,  ❞    she says simply,   her shoulders slumping slightly as she shakes her head slowly,   because while she hears her,   that doesn’t mean she’s going to stop trying to figure it out,  anyway.    she looks back at her,  though,  her eyes searching for something more—  because she knows she’s hiding something,   she’s just not sure how exactly to keep pressing before mikayla finally has enough of it.   

she frowns,   because mikayla’s refusal to fight this time only seems to make taissa sadder,   but she’s not sure she can argue it,  either.   when she thinks about her wife,    she can’t help but assume that calypso can’t possibly know mikayla the way taissa ever did,  yet at the same time,   she can’t imagine her not falling in love with her,   considering how easy it was for tai to do the same.   she can’t speak for her,  though.   she just knows what she herself feels.   ❝  then maybe she’s the coward.   for not trying to make it work,  ❞    she says quietly,    again,   not actually insulting the other woman —- only herself.   

she’s caught off guard by the confession,   her lips parting but she says nothing,   only stares back at her blankly.   it’s confirming a suspicion she had since even before she heard mikayla talk about her,  assuming that it couldn’t have been real,   the same way her own marriage wasn’t real,   because if she couldn’t possibly find that in what should have been the perfect person—-  how could mikayla?    she lets out a shaky breath,   afraid to admit the same,  considering her wife’s current condition   (   because of all the people in the world,   simone definitely doesn’t deserve that;   she deserved a wife who could give her the world,   and tai was only playing pretend.  )    she frowns as mikayla goes on,   all things she knows she needs to hear,  but it hits harder actually hearing it from her.   her jaw clenches,   and for once,   she stays silent.  

she knows what she’s saying,   that she is the only one she’s ever truly felt that for  —-    and there’s some relief in that,  knowing that she’s not alone to feel it.    she accepted a long time ago that no love was going to compare to what she felt for mikayla,    and she told herself that it was okay,   because happiness didn’t matter    (   the possibility of that was stolen so long ago,   how could she hold onto it?  )     all that really mattered was success,   and she sacrificed everything that actually made her happy in the process.    like her.    she wonders again how she ended up with calypso,   but of all the intrusive questions she’s asked,   that’s not one she intends to ask now.    ❝  it doesn’t mean you deserve it,  ❞     she says quietly,   mentally kicking herself for even saying it,  considering it’s something she should have told her long ago.      ❝  not then.    not now,   no matter how you feel for her.   or—   don’t feel,  ❞    she mumbles,   taking a deep breath and shaking her head.    ❝  i guess it’s easy tying ourselves to someone we don’t know how to feel anything for,   because it’s easier than  .  .  .   ❞      than dwelling on the past,    and yet,   that’s what she’s done anyway,   especially in the last few weeks now that mikayla’s back in her life.   she shakes it off,   because she knows she can’t finish that,   can’t process the fact that she actually admitted outright the same thing that mikayla just admitted.    

her jaw clenches,   and she places her hands on her knees,  finally looking away from her again.    ❝  fine—   i’ll drop it.   ❞      but her words don’t seem final,   still so many questions running through her mind,   but she’s afraid to ask,   afraid to be shut down again.   ❝  it's been a long time, mikayla. being here, in your home, it just makes me curious, ❞ she says, even though she knows she doesn't deserve to have her questions answers, she doesn't deserve the time mikayla chooses to spend on catching her up when tai could've known all along, if she had just tried.

[babyjoysdiary]

I feel like I’m not allowed to get angry.

Like being so mentally ill and fat and Black and with a pussy…

Idk I know my friends that cut me off feel like they have given me several “chances”.

Bro I’m autistic and try to warn people of my outbursts.

And putting up with my tantrums when it comes to life and other people just isn’t enough for me.

People only like me when I’m useful.

The women in my life will never respect me and care for me and give me chances like they will these cis niggas

Guess you gotta give good dick in order to be seen past your mistakes or like your whole personality is more than just something to put up with

Micah my big sis of ten years just cut me off completely because I yelled at her for being passive. Like a white woman. But she was being passive aggressive…like a white woman.

And now she keep blocking me on shit. But then unblocking… like I guess I was supposed to text sorry a week ago.

What the fuck.

Especially after her witnessing the shit with Sammie and Mixie?

I put up hearing about this ain’t shit nigga Brandon for YEARS!

He called the cops on her and deserves more chances than me?!?

What the fuck

I know my insults were aggressive …but I wasn’t lying. And she sent me a bill straight in the morning. While I was in San Francisco…and then kept hanging up on me…after making a sarcastic comment about me paying the bill…

What the fuck

Lennon

Al

Amber

Hannah

Nicole

Mixie

Sammie

Micah

Now I see how I’m the problem.

I get it, I say vile/nasty things/informed by the vulnerability shown to me…

But I’m not unique, nor have they not done the same thing to me… I’m just better at it

It just doesn’t feel fair… why am I treated so harshly for my outbursts?

And it’s not like I can just make friends with other Black folk or dark skins cause my weirdness hits their body as a threat. I’m a weird nigga and I know subconsciously they want to change me or distance themselves because they don’t want to be seen as weird or a threat either

Sometimes I feel like the only reason I haven’t died yet or get several tries in the form of new people us because I’m light skin and got a cute face.

Which…with being fat and having no ass and tens of hundreds of scars and stretch marks…I feel like God was just try a even out the scales.

Ugh, and you know my paranoia about my face …ugh the tools I most use to stay alive…

Anyway I saw this play last night about this gay man during slavery times

The main actor is mixed and talented but has a monopoly on the theater scene here, dates a lot of white and mixed woman and has been with my white non binary friend for five years. Taken they money, cheated on them, is cheating on them and has gone through several addictions… AND PLATS FAY ALL THE TIME BUT US STRAIGHT STRAIGHT STRAIGHT

It references so many things… How out trees all hold our ancestors… How we can hear them and communicate with them… How racial trauma has always been present… How the light skin versus dark skin, interpersonal dynamics was bread from enslavement… How cis black men get objectified by everyone… How that objectification always centers the story, but is glossed over at the same time… How black women have always been the backbone to every community… How they are even used by their community… How assault is always a literary device… how black women never get the care, they deserve… It just touched on everything in so many ways… Like one black women slave kind of, low key assaulted a black male slave… But it’s so much more complex than that… Because that same girl was a product of rape from her master… But admit it, she hoped he did rape her… Or at least she would be touched… Even though that was her father… It was just a lot and plus the main black gay dude ended up dying…

What does this have to do with people cutting me off? Everything and nothing… It’s just crazy to feel and see all the ways in which way is black Americans are powerful and magical and beautiful… And then have the reality of enslavement continues to do… And how it feels like it won’t matter how smart or pretty I get… I’m blocking with the pussies, so everyone will always use me… And when I’m no longer useful… And then have the audacity to be a human… Or contain humanity, and have flaws… I will be cut off…

I think it’s also wild, because recently… Or forever if I’m honest… I’ve been really craving a strong hug from a black man… And I got it at the closing of the affirmation space from the drunken monkey… Who’s dating Ayo … But that’s a secret. 

And they both always just mirror my energy/match my energy and pour so much divine love into me… But I’m scared I can’t get close to them because of my wickedness… Anyway, he hugged me so hard I could feel it in my ribs and whispered prayers and affirmations in my ear… And I needed that and I’m grateful for that and I’m glad I can manifest that within a man who is attractive, but who I’m not lost in the sauce with… Like I don’t Wanna be with him…

It just reminded me that how much is I ask you come true and I am a great Manifester… It’s just not gonna happen in the same way I think… But I’m worried my gender, and my fatness are going to get in the way of me being shown that love consistently… Or in a romantic way … I just like in every relationship I’m always DamagedGoods… I’m always the rebound… People always pour the deepest, darkest thoughts into me… And we connect… And sometimes they hear my flaws and fears… But when those materialize… I’m a monster who is left alone  I’ve been with monsters… And I have shown them, grace and compassion and forgiveness until they just about kill me… Let me be honest, even with my life is at risk I still love… It’s only when they start hurting others that I loved you I really care… Or if I took out and become a monster, and then they leave me…

It’s just so hard… To see everyone else get so many chances to grow… Or how I always feel like a burden… Or like whoever is my friend or lover is doing charity work… Cause I’m special I’m not cute enough to be special

 At least I have seen how pretty privilege protects certain disabled people… Also, just white people never have to work as hard… Even if they from the smart like you… It’s always going to be easier for a white person to find love… Or the white supremacist notion of what love is 

Still, so worried, I’m going to end up like my aunt years and die alone… And have a life without partnership due to mental illness… And I’m trying to work on myself… I’m trying… There’s just some personality characteristics that will always make me not ideal in something to simply be put up with at least that’s how it feels 

[sometipsygnostalgic]

Perfuma

i love perfuma a lot but im really surprised how many detestable characteristics they rolled up into one person.

i mean, in her debut episode her people refused to fight to protect themselves and depended entirely on she ra until the end

she is completely intolerant of anything that is marginally outside of the way she thinks things are supposed to be

she pulls a disabled character on a leash, which, im pretty sure is way more terrible-looking in practice than it sounded when they were making gremlin jokes in the writer’s room....   ....somehow does this in the last season too, supporting my idea that they had no idea how bad it looked....

...and despite obviously showing she cares about the other characters (that statue means a lot), she fails to get any meaningful character development until season 5, with the best before then being an episode where she learns basic human tolerance by interacting with cacti. 

all this covered up by a false attitude of peace and happiness when the reality of it is that perfuma is ready to blow up at anyone for anything at any time and all of her positivity is forced on, so that she doesnt do this

ANYWAY

i actually find that last part fascinating - the fact that Perfuma hates everything, but refuses to ever actually snap at people. 

You have a character who is naturally completely against her self-spoken values of tolerance, and FORCES HERSELF to adhere to them, against her own nature. Is that not interesting in itself? 

Like, she never actually yells directly at Entrapta in season 1 or most of Launch, even when our scientist is massively compromising the mission. Perfuma doesn’t want to burn bridges, and works SUPER hard to stay cool. At best there is one comment about harmony being “challenging”. To which Entrapta enthusiastically nods. 

She never snaps at Mermista or Glimmer or Huntara or anyone else who annoys the shit out of her - instead she’s really passive aggressive, but in a way that seems like she couldn’t help leaking out her bad mood, rather than intentionally throwing shade at them. 

(source)

I think the only times she snaps are when she explodes at Cacti, when everyone finally goes off at Entrapta, when she’s confronted with Scorpia’s ex-girlfriend Catra, and of course when Bow first shows up after everyone else had been mind controlled, and Perfuma bursts into tears, having had one hell of an ordeal with Mermista and Micah gone. 

Because like everyone else, Perfuma by the end of the show is no longer capable of keeping a false front. She can’t wear a mask - When she’s angry and upset, she just shows what she’s feeling in full force.  

“I DON’T WANNA BE IN CHARGE ANYMORE!!!”

What I’m glad about is they managed to turn these snappy intolerant characteristics into a positive for her - Perfuma has a soft spot for Scorpia, and is able to empathise with her, and having this one character that Perfuma doesn’t just tolerate but loves is a good way to make her more sympathetic, and better yet, use those aggressive parts of her to PROTECT Scorpia’s interests. 

Like how Catra and Adora balance each other out, with Catra’s cynicism protecting the righteous Adora from taking bullets for all of her friends, 

Like how Hordak and Entrapta balance out, with Entrapta helping him find himself, and Hordak protecting her and making her feel valued, 

Like how Sea Hawk and Mermista balance out, with Mermista keeping Sea Hawk out of trouble and him teaching her to let loose,  

Perfuma and Scorpia have synergy - Scorpia’s true affection for everyone rubs off on Perfuma, who in turn, is able to stand up for her partner against those who would take advantage of her. 

I love how She-Ra is able to turn traditionally positive characteristics into negative ones, and negative characteristics into positive ones - it is a matter of inversion, extremes, understanding how these characters would better deal in different situations, where those supposed strengths can cause harm, and where those supposed weaknesses turn into strengths. 

Perfuma is a good example of this. When she stops holding back, her judgemental nature allows her to cut through the bullshit and tell people the straight facts, and sometimes, it’s exactly what they need to hear.  

[bnha-simpin-and-pimpin]

Bakugo Friends With Benefits Part II

Here is Bakugo Part one

Here is Deku Part One

“Aren’t you suppose to say something? Like how you feel about me”

What would you tell him? You had no idea. The things you felt towards Bakugo were casual at best.

The two of you were sorta friends. Sure you were in the same class, you talked, you even played games together when Iida decided that you all needed 'class bonding' [because fighting villains together somehow didn't count]

You sat for a long time, saying nothing

'Whatever...doesn't matter anyways...'

You tried to stop Bakugo from leaving, but once he had decided something that was it. He had made up his mind. 'This was a mistake.'

Something in your chest hurt. It burned watching him slam your bedroom door. All you had to do was say something! It wasn't that hard, yet you just couldn't find the words.

You had wanted to say something. You wanted to say 'Yes Katsuki! I like you very much! I think you feel the same way? Why don't we do something about that."

Bakugo's actions changed dramatically. The sweetness you had grown accustomed too turned to bitterness. This behavior was so petty, but god was it predictable.

He couldn't treat you this way. Bakugo couldn't get away with stomping around like a spoiled child, all because you didn't return his feelings.

You wouldn't let him continue to ignore your texts, to argue with you during training drills -clearly trying to undermine your judgement in front of everyone, avoid walking next to you in groups, and this was really just the start of his bad attitude.

So you did what any good and respectable young hero would do- beat him at his own game.

Both of you just became engaged in the worlds biggest pissing match

its insults, back-handed complements, passive-aggressive comments...its thrilling really, to watch him wrack his brain for something to say. It's funny, because he's trying to hard to not cross the line. In reality, he could just ask to talk to you again, but that would be too hard for our Lord and Savior God DynaMight wouldn't it?

That is until he finally is sick of your bullshit

He pounds on your door one night but kicks it open before you can respond. Suddenly your face to face with him, squaring up in the middle of your dorm room.

"listen here dumbass. I'm tired of your bullshit. Either give me an answer or quit it with this back and forth shit. You're getting on my last nerve!'

You can't help but cackle. Your bullshit? He's the one with the nasty attitude.

You look him dead in the eye as you speak, telling him that if he wanted and answer all he had to do was ask instead of act like a child. And actually, you would have told him you would of been fine dating him, but now you're not so sure! He's actually kind nice and sweet when he wants to be, but god damn, he's a pain in the ass.

There's a moment, after you finish speaking, where his face softens. You can see his eyebrows unfurrow and his frown straighten out. Its Bakugo's eyes that give his true emotions away though. They lower, looking towards to floor.

Part of you wonders if he feels bad for how he's been acting or if he's just embarrassed he got called out on it.

"...I'm sorry..."

It's hard to accept his apology. He wasn't nice to you, but after he talks to you a bit more- takes your hands and says he was afraid he had ruined not just his chance at something more but your budding friendship and was really just more angry at himself, you feel like you understand more. Bakugo apologizes for taking out how he felt towards himself on you. He says its a bad habit he has and is trying to fix.

You listen to all he has to say. You can feel the slickness on his hands from his quirk. He must be nervous if his hands are that warm.

Eventually, you forgive him.

It's not worth staying mad. Besides, you like him quite a bit and wouldn't mind trying to go on a date or two. But he has to confess first. A real confession! Not something lame!

Bakugo cringes at the idea of having to do something so gushy, so girly, so ew, god its gross, he hates being vulnerable, yuck, can't you both just fuck and call it a day?

You push on his shoulder, telling him you won't date him at all if he's going to be heartless.

"Ugh fine. If that's what it takes. I'll figure something out..."

[soggyyycereal]

I’VE DECIDED HERE WE GO OC LORE INFODUMP I’M GOING TO BE POSTING THEM SO MUCH AFTER THIS MEMEHEHHAUAUAUAUAUAUAH WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!1!1!1!!1!1!1!1

You guys have no idea how much I love them,, they got paragraphs upon paragraphs of lore written about them, and multiple short comics of their dynamics,, and a playlist,,, and emotes,,,, and a server,,,,, and

So… EURM… coughing…

There’s at least four of them, Vivot, Moon, Arche, and Charlie… only three of them are depicted (in red, ignore the little doodle in black that belongs to my brother HDJSJFJSJD) cuz I’ve been hyperfixated on their story and have been working on it for the past month or so… ANYWAYS

Very very VERY BASIC RUNDOWNS IS JUST…

Wow, what a nice Oc!! Oh? Oc’s sibling? Oh! And Oc’s ex! Wait.. oh what’s this? Oc’s sibling and Oc’s ex hooking up?! How scandalous!!!!

SO.. OUR STORY WILL MAJORLY FOCUS ON MOON(OC), ARCHE(OC’S SIBLING), AND VIVOT(OC’S EX)!!!!!

First and foremost, I think it’ll be easier to imagine this whole shenanigan as two books, part one and part two… Part one consisting of Moon and Vivot’s story and relationship before the breakup, and book two would focus on Arche and Vivot’s story via hookups…

SO BOOK ONE….

MOON AND VIVOT

So again.. we will have a lil bit of prologue to the book, that being Vivot(green)’s backstory… nothing too much fleshed out currently, but all I got down is that he was hurt a lot in a bunch of his past relationships, causing some of the toxic behaviour to be rubbed off onto him, making him manipulative without even realizing it before it was too late and Moon(yellow) was gone

Another thing to mention, Viv never tells Moon about his past relationships, so Yk… they don’t know why he acts the way he does and doesn’t know it’s majorly a defence mechanism…

ANYWAYS……….

They get together (again, haven’t really fleshed out how, imma need to do that sometime soon BEHAHHS), seemingly to get along great on paper… they’re both laid-back and seemingly easygoing on the surface, but by god, they are nOT… Viv is honestly just too tired to care anymore, and Moon? Their big heart often leads them to overthink and people please… what a combo!!! COUGH ANYWAYS. More conflicting attributes of theirs include Viv’s (bad) experience with relationships and Moon’s lack thereof, this being a first “serious” relationship of theirs, which leads to them being somewhat naive about what’s to come… mwehahahaha mischievous hand rub.

ANYWAYS. They get together, and Viv immediately love bombs Moon, being in a new relationship and being excited and not really knowing how to regulate his emotions. Everything seems to be going smoothly until Moon does something “wrong”. Nothing too serious, maybe accidentally double booking a date with a job interview, something small but something that’s enough to make Viv mad enough o begin the silent treatment (trademark). Again, a response caused from the behaviours he’s unconsciously picked up from his past, he doesn’t really know or want to express his anger outloud

BUT THIS FUCKS WITH MOON SO BADLY, THEM BEING AN OVERTHINKER AND ALSO NOT KNOWING HOW TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES…

So, obviously caring about Viv and the relationship, they get worried (woah!! Who would’ve guessed?). Eventually, they get what Viv was trying to “punish” them for, yk, missing the date night, and switches out a friend hang-out day for it. NOT GREAT.. BUT HEY, WHAT’S ONE HANG OUT DAY, RIGHT? At least he’s talking to me again! YAAY LOVE BOMBING!!!

But with a twist….

Viv begins to spew out passive-aggressive comments towards them about the situation, thinking it’s all in good fun but in reality Moon genuinely feels somewhat hurt about it…. So like a normal human being, they decide to talk to him about it this time

RUH ROH… HE DID NOT TAKE IT WELL…. Vivot goes onto say that it’s actually Moon’s fault for being so soft and he didn’t do anything wrong and that they should learn how to take a joke and yada yada…

Awe shieett… another silent treatment thingy…. Ghod damnit…

Except this time,, Moon doesn’t understand what they did wrong, and yk… Viv sort of refuses to tell them

AGAIN.. WITH THE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVENESS FROM VIV… Continuously going like “my friends can take a joke, but for some reason you can’t lol” n shit. Eventually this leads to Moon becoming super duper clingy in hopes to “make things right” and to “win” Vivot back from the silent treatment and the passive-aggression.

This works, Vivot enjoying the affection and clinginess and eventually drops the silent treatment, giving the both of them an unintentional impression of a reward system within their relationship. HASHTAG EVEN MOOOOREEE LOVE BOMBING!!!! This goes on, Moon dedicating themselves to Vivot in hopes to not screw up the relationship and Viv unintentionally having Moon under his thumb. Surprising… Viv doesn’t know he’s being manipulative, since that was sort of his norm within his own past relationships while Moon doesn’t know they’re being manipulated due to their lack of experience with this sort of thing.

HOW YUMMY!!!!

This continues to go on, slowly getting worse as time goes on. Viv becomes more possessive and Moon becomes more reliant and isolated, only ever allowed to speak to their friends through their phone.

Viv notices this, and isn’t exactly pleased when he sees Moon on their phone

He goes onto complain about how they’re always on their phone and how they’re ignoring him and should be talking to him and alat.

Moon obviously loves their friends, they don’t wanna give up their conversations digitally since they’ve already surrendered their conversations physically.

“I thought it was okay considering I already spend all of my time with you anyways.”

Viv did not like that

WOAH. CLIMAX!! This leads into an argument… Moon bringing up the silent treatment they’ve been given and Vivot telling them that it was normal for relationships to be like that and this is what makes them hard. WHEN YK… THAT SHOULDN’T BE THE CASE… but Yk gaslight gatekeep girlboss I guess?

Anyways, things get so heated Moon just straight up dips.

They dip, and head over to Charlie(current partner)’s house to decompress

He’s awesome sauce we love Charlie

Anyways, Moon goes over to Charlie’s house and explains their situation

And Ruh roh… Charlie figures out that what Viv was doing…. Is manipulative! Woah!?

This hits Moon like a truck

What do you mean? No? He loved me, he wouldn’t do that!

Absolutely devastated, Moon goes into a depressive state, both because of post-breakup blues and Yk… the harsh reality setting in, realizing the person they loved so dearly and spent so much time and effort on was actively hurting them. And they didn’t even realize it. Charlie gives them a minute, giving Moon his room and a moment to themself to actually register what happened.

And Vivot?

Ooohhhhhhh Vivot…

He’s not doing so hot. I MEAN HE NEVER WAS, BUT MORE SO THAN USUAL… When he finally calms down and realizes “SHIT- THEY’RE ACTUALLY GONE OH NO WHAT DO I DO” he has a full blown breakdown- exploding Moon’s phone with apologies, missed calls, and even threats to Yk… do some not nice things to himself, and apologies again. Charlie sees this, as Moon’s phone is still out in the open as they find refuge in his room, so he opens their phone (No lock, thanks Viv) and blocks him, emptying out Moon’s inbox and just… making their phone go silent as Moon tries to work through the mind-fuckery they went through.

Now having been blocked, Viv loses his mind been MORE!!! He doesn’t know what to do now that this person, the one that he pushed away, is now actually gone. He thinks Moon blocked him (despite it actually being Charlie) and feels IMMENSE GUILT as he finally realizes that HE was the problem. He looks at a necklace they had given him, one shaped like a crescent as a gift during one of his silent sprees. He wears it as a reminder of what he’s done, pushing the one person who loved him and genuinely wanted to be with him. MmMmMmmMm Yummers

Fast forward a bit, Moon and their friends (consisting of Charlie, Asuma, and Mindy, side characters who don’t really matter rn as much as I love them) go back to the old house, wanting to retrieve any possessions Moon had left as they make their final decision to end the relationship with Vivot.

However, when they arrive at the house, Vivot is ECSTATIC to see them again, having gone through his own post-breakup depression. He’s so happy to the point he begins to cry of pure relief that they’re back again, hugging Moon before their friends pry him off of their stiff, uncomfortable body.

He’s confused

Neither of them haven’t spoken since the abrupt leaving.

“I’m here for my stuff”

DESTROYED. Any hope Vivot had prior was gone, blown to smithereens and casted off with the wind.

“What? What happened? Where did I go wrong? Why are you leaving? I can do better, I promise! Just don’t go!”

“I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry. Just… just let me get my stuff.”

He begins to cry again, only this time overwhelmed with guilt.

He goes in for another hug, but right before their friends can pull him off again,

Moon hugs him back.

WHAT??? AFTER EVERYTHING??? Yeah, they still have a soft spot for him, even after everything. It’s hard to loose the affection you spent so long building for someone, especially after you’ve treasured them like fine jewelry for so long.

After his small sob session, Vivot pries himself off of Moon, who is somehow keeping it together in the midst of the madness. Them and their friends go inside, collecting Moon’s valuables as Viv waits outside, not wanting to watch pieces of himself be lost with each trinket they box.

By the end, Moon realizes they’re missing something, only to realize it was the crescent necklace wrapped around Vivot’s neck. They lock eyes, and Moon makes a decision.

They let him keep it.

The final box gets loaded, the two have a final conversation.

Vivot’s final attempt to convince Moon to stay.

Moon’s final decision. Finally standing their ground after so long.

And for once, Vivot listens.

Another embrace.

“I love you”

And for once, Moon doesn’t say it back.

“I know.”

Moon drives off with their stuff, and Vivot stays in his lawn, his heart as his house

Empty

ANYWYAS YEYYESAASHAHHHH!!! THAT’S MOON AND VIV’S STOORTYRYYYY!!! Moon goes onto stay with Charlie as they house search, but end up moving in with Charlie instead as they get together (yaaayyy finally a healthy relationship for the blorbo)

Vivot, however? He’s… something…. He stays with his destructive tendencies(drinking and sleeping around and alat) since he doesn’t know how to fix them and no longer sees a reason to try anymore.

And this? That leads into book two of our series… Vivot eventually gets with Arche… wHICH WILL BE CONTINUED IN ANOTHER POST SINCE THIS ONE IS ALREADY HELLA LONG WHOOPS….

Thinking about yelling into the tumblr void about my super silly characters….

Might not get much traction but hey it’s fun

[findingmypeace]

11/18/2022

It’s been hard to get myself to write about this. It just feels like it takes so much energy and I’m exhausted. All my energy is going to job searching and interviews.

But I’m going to try to explain. This will probably be long. I sort of mentioned this in my original post about losing my job. There were things my coworkers told my boss I was doing and I had never intended to come across that way nor do I have recollection of acting that way. This has made me genuinely question if I’m completely socially unaware or were my coworkers exaggerating/lying. I’m questioning my reality because there has been so much loss and rejection in my life in recent months and the reason BS and DI were mad at me was because I always talked about myself. I had thought I was just responding to their comments and questions, and I was, but looking back through our texts I can see that our conversations for several months revolved solely around my ed. Therefore, there is some truth to what BS and DI accused me of and I did not realize it until they pointed it out.

So am I really that socially unaware? If I am that socially unaware is it right for me to be a therapist? As an example, one of the things my coworkers accused me of was making their supervision time about me and treating that time as if it was my therapy session. What I remember is that they would bring up something they were dealing with regarding a client, I would suggest some interventions, and if I had an experience that was relevant to what they were going through I would tell them about that experience (regarding work with clients) as an example of how to work through it. My intent was truly to give an example of how to deal with what they were experiencing with a client. But what if I totally misread it? What if what I was saying was too much? What if I really was using their supervision time as my time?

Another example is that my coworkers were pretty open about being in recovery from their own addiction or struggling with anxiety. I thought that was brave and also helped people understand where they were coming from. I had considered opening up to my boss about my own anxiety and depression as an explanation for why I was struggling with certain things (like stepping out of my shell to lead groups). In my final meeting with my boss I did finally tell her about it for that reason. She accused me of using my anxiety and depression as an excuse. Was I? That wasn’t my intention. My intention was the explanation. That accusation made me confused. My coworkers are open about their struggles. Did I totally misread this situation?

I was also accused of being passive-aggressive. I NEVER intended to be passive-aggressive. I think passive-aggressiveness is immature and doesn’t solve anything. I did isolate some because it’s really hard to be social with people who obviously dislike you but I was never intentionally rude or mean. But was I?

In my logical mind I can see that the truth probably lies in the fact that they exaggerated my behaviors in order to get me fired. Fuck, one of the main instigators (my former coworker) just called me. Like just now. As I’m writing this. I’m sure she needs me to sign something because I was her supervisor but just seeing her name gives me anxiety. I don’t ever want to see or talk to her again. I let it go to voicemail and she didn’t leave a message.

It really is a blessing in disguise to no longer have that job. If this is how our interactions were going to be than it’s probably best for me to not work there. I don’t think I could have handled working there much longer anyway.

[inkandpen22]

The Princess and The Pogue (Pt. 8)

Pairing: JJ x Female!Reader / Topper x Female!Reader 

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: smut, swearing, underage drinking, drugs 

Part Summary: Y/N must attend the dinner her parents planned. After, she and Topper attend Kelce’s party. 

A/N: not proof read bc school is life rn but I wanna keep updating. ALSO DANG TOPPER IS SPICY IN THIS!!!!

Masterlist

Your dad hands the keys over to the valet as the other Club worker opens your car door and offers you his hand. You accept, slipping out of the SUV gracefully. Rhett meets you, offering you his arm for which you take and follow him inside. 

"I can't breathe," you inhale shapely. 

"Hot?" Your brother guesses as he buttons up his blazer. 

"No, this satin dress doesn't give at all and Mom made me get a size smaller because she thought it made me look thinner," you grumble, tugging at the unforgiving fabric. 

"She's probably just trying to punish you because of the whole diabolical with Crystal," he points out. 

"Oh, I know she is, she hates that some of her and Dad's friends saw it. They wouldn't shut up about it when I got home," you whisper between the two of you as you cross the threshold into the Club. 

You stop in the lobby with your parents a few feet ahead at the hostess podium with Sarah's parents and Topper's mom. You spot Rafe at the bar with a scotch in hand, Sarah nowhere to be seen. If she managed to get out of this dinner you'll be royally pissed, mainly jealous. 

"Where were you last night anyway?" Rhett’s brows scrunch together. 

"After Topper dropped me off I went over to Sarah's," you lie without a hint of hesitation. 

"What?" He frowns in confusion. "But after lunch Rafe, Kelce, and I went back to his house? Rafe said Sarah was with that John B kid.” 

"Yeah, I picked Sarah up before you guys got there and we hung out for a little bit. After, I dropped her off at John B's," you conjure up as you go. 

"So then where did you sleep?" Rhett inquires, pressing further. 

"On Mars, Rhett!” You snap, much to your brother’s surprise. “Jesus, Mary, and the damn camel," you curse under your breath. 

"Why do you swear all of a sudden? It's not polite, especially in this setting," he hisses between his teeth, checking around for any prying eyes. 

"Because maybe I've lost my marbles or PMSing, you pick," you bite back quietly. 

"Whatever, I'm going to go grab a drink," he huffs, holding his hands up in surrender. "You should do the same," he suggests before disappearing toward the bar and lounge. 

You linger in your spot, observing your fellow Kooks go about their business in their fancy dinner attire. You honestly wonder if some of them ever leave the Club or if they keep closets in the locker rooms. 

“One gin and tonic,” Topper announces as he appears beside you with two glasses. 

“God, I love you," you mumble, taking the drink from him and immediately taking a sip. 

He rubs his hand up and down your bare arm. “You seem tense." 

“I’m practically in a corset!" You roll your eyes. 

“You look amazing,” he compliments with a charming smile. 

“Thanks...” You sigh, unsure of where you two stand. 

After this afternoon, after... well... everything said, you don't know the dynamic between you and Topper. Despite the uncertainty, you still depend on him to get you through this dinner. You feel as though your only friends at the table are Topper and Sarah, and even those two don't like each other. 

“Geez Topper...” You huff in disapproval. 

“Sorry! But you gotta admit it’s not exactly the Four Seasons...” He chuckles. 

“Hey Y/N!” Sarah greets, appearing from the bathroom. “Where did you get here?”

“Minutes ago and I’m already over it,” you grumble.

“If you need a ride to John B’s, he’s picking me up after,” she offers.

You exhale deeply, glancing between her and Topper, unsure of what to say. Yes, you have plans with JJ, but you also aren’t confident in speaking about it in front of Topper.

“Yeah, I’ll think about it. I might want to run home first or something,” you satisfy her and remain vague.

“Topper! Y/N! Sarah!” Your dad waves you guys over as the hostess prepares to seat you all. 

“I’ll see you guys out there, I’m going to grab a drink!” Sarah announces before dismissing herself. 

You and Topper begin toward the doors leading out to the patio, a few yards behind your families. 

“Kelce is after a party later, would you maybe wanna come with me?” Topper offers with a smirk.

“I’m supposed to..." You catch yourself before you mention JJ. "Maybe for a little bit.”

“You’re supposed to meet him?” Topper predicts correctly, making you awkwardly take a sip of your drink and avoid his gaze. “Maybe if you drink enough you’ll start seeing two and The Cut wouldn’t look like utter shit," Topper insults passive-aggressively.  

“I’ll come and have a drink, but that’s all!" You agree to go with Topper to the Kelce's reluctantly. "I don’t want anything that Rafe has up his sleeve.” 

“Noted," Topper gives you a reassuring smile.

"Wait," you halt, giving Topper's arm a slight squeeze. You feel the overwhelming need to speak with Topper for a second before you all gather around a table like one big interconnected family. "Do you know?”

“About what?” The boy frowns in confusion. You glance over at your family anxiously, watching everyone disappear onto the patio outside. Topper takes your hand in his and turns to you. “Y/N, what is it?” 

“That our parents practically have the wedding favors picked out," you rush out nervously, unable to fully believe that this is your reality. 

Topper exhales deeply, his eyes falling to the floor. He does know. “My mom has made some interesting passive comments lately," he nods. "I suspected but I wasn’t positive.” 

“My mom spoke to me before we got here," you describe, checking around the room for any eavesdroppers. "She wanted me to gloat, hang on you, and basically show the Camerons that we’re... I don’t even know...” You shake your head frantically. 

“Together,” Topper finishes your sentence. 

“It sounds so ancient but ‘promised to each other,’" you explain in greater detail. "It’s insane! I mean, we’re only in high school!” 

"You don’t have to do anything!” He comes up with a game plan to get you both through the evening. “Let’s just continue as we have been. They’ll be satisfied and we won’t be losing our willpower.” 

“Okay,” you swallow hard with a faint nod. 

“It’ll be okay," Topper reaches up and cups your cheek comfortingly, peering into your eyes. He leans forward, planting a gentle kiss on your forehead. 

__________________________________

Well into the evening, Kelce's house is packed to the brim with teenage Kooks and some tourons that snuck their way in. Music blasts from the speakers in the ceiling and water from the pool are scattered across the tile living room. Everyone's in their bathing suits, traveling in and out of the water. Cups litter the floor and various conversations overwhelm the ears. On the balcony, you find yourself leaning against the railing watching people jump off the roof into the pool below as Topper does lines with Rafe on the coffee table just a few feet away. Your bare stomach exposed by your bikini presses against the cool glass railing, keeping you awake. 

"Come on, Princess!" Rafe waves you over, overtly intoxicated. "Got enough for you!" 

“I don’t want anything Rafe!” You remind him. 

“You will," he chuckles, not believing you for a second. "Once you start drinking you always do. You could just skip the innocent act and let yourself go.” 

Topper rises from his seated position and walks over to join you. He wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you into his side as he leans against the rail. He sniffs a few times, making sure all of the coke remains inside. 

“One more drink and we’re leaving,” you tell Topper quietly between the two of you. 

"I know," he nods, planting a kiss on your temple. “We’ll go.” 

You turn toward, peering down at the people as they mess around in the pool. Topper stands behind you, his arms gripping the railing on either side of you. His chest presses to your back as he leans down and plants a kiss to your neck. You tilt your head to the side, granting him better access, causing him to smile against your skin. You’re not sure why you get this way with him when you drink. You’ve thought it over a million times over the years. Is it because it’s what you soberly want but are too afraid to admit? Or, is it because it’s a way to let go? Either way, you and Topper become insufferable whenever you two get too deep, which why you refuse to do anything. If you get any deeper... well... Bermuda is a prime example. 

1 hour later.... 

The drinks slip by you and you quickly lose track of the number. Tequila shots, margarita mix, gin, and coke, everything's mixed. The music has become louder, the colored lights have become brighter, your senses are doing their best to remain active, but your mind is fading. You love this feeling, not having a care in the world. The weight that your parents have placed on your shoulders has long disappeared. Half an hour ago, you and Topper were sharing a joint with Kelce on the roof and now you two are caught in a beer pong tournament.You're slowly starting to lose interest in the game, eager to jump off the roof into the pool as you've seen daredevils do all night. 

"Come on, Top! Please!" You tug on the boy's arm, pleading with him again to jump off the roof with you. 

He does his best to focus on the game at hand, the ball in his hand to take a shot. He squeezes your hand and brings it to his lips for a quick peck. "One second, Baby." 

Drunkenly, you rest your forehead against his bicep, waiting for him to take his shot. Topper tosses the ball, making it into the final cup and the rules call for no redemption. 

“We win!” Topper cheers, causing you to lift your head. Again! The champions!” 

“Woohoo!” You giggle, raising your cup in the air.

Topper wraps his arms around your waist and picking you up. You wrap your legs around his waist as he spins you. He tilts his head back, exposing his sharp jawline as he peers up at you. Staring into his eyes, you two are so immersed in each other that you get carried away and your lips meet. Neither of you is in the right mind to comprehend it, but this is a pattern. You two get intoxicated on a mixture of alcohol and drugs and your natural touchy friendship gets an intensity boost. 

Kelce whistles at the sight of you, urging you guys on. “They act like they’re not together, then they do that!” He not so well whispers to Rafe. 

"Same shit, different night," Rafe grumbles, clearly jealous. He silently wishes he was Topper. He would give anything to have a chance with you. “I wonder how Rhett would feel learning his sister is a slut for his best friend.” 

Kelce shoves him on the shoulder. “Don’t be an ass. Besides, Rhett knows Topper has a thing for her.” 

“But does Y/N have a thing for him or is it just sex?” Rhett challenges, watching you two and hating it. 

Topper lets you down as your lips part. His hands slip down your waist to rest on your ass, giving it a slight squeeze. You bite down on your lower lip, your attention on Topper's smirk.  

“Hey Top!" Rafe pulls Topper's attention and tosses him a metal canister. "For you my friend!" 

Topper pops open the old Altoids container to reveal a pile of color tabs. "Aw no," Topper laughs, tossing his head back. 

“Woah woah woah!" You place your hand over Topper's before has the chance to even think about taking anything. You glare at Rafe, "what is that?” 

“Candy,” Rafe snickers sarcastically. He rises from his seat position and stands before you, taking the tin from Topper. “Here take one," the boy offers with raised brows.  

You push the container back to Rafe. “No, I said I didn’t want to do anything tonight!” 

Beside you, Topper reaches into the container, selects a square piece carefully with the provided tweezers, and places the rainbow paper on his tongue. 

“Try it, Princess,” Rafe pressures with a smirk. 

You glance between Rafe and Topper. The blonde gives you a wink. "You'll feel good," he assures you, rubbing his hand up and down your spine slowly. 

You think it over for a second to the best of your ability. You said you wouldn't do anything hard tonight, but you also don't want to sober up anytime soon. You feel too good. You wish you felt this way all the time. You love yourself when you're carefree. On a whim, you give in and pick up the tweezers to select a piece. You place the bit on your tongue, earning a mischievous smirk from Rafe and words from approval from Topper. You don't know much about what Rafe does, but you know from watching that it takes a while for stuff like this to kick in, so you wait. 

Thirty minutes later... 

After taking swim minutes ago, you and Topper seek some privacy away from the party antics to dry off. You two travel up to the third floor of the house in the dark, this part of the house practically untouched by the people below. You shuffle along the floor in the hall in search of the balcony. You nearly trip of the runner, but Topper catches you by the waist. 

“Oh shit!” You gasp. Abruptly, Topper squats down and tucks his arm under your legs. You fly up and he begins to carry you bridal style. “Topper!” You giggle. 

“Like a proper princess, let me carry you up the tower!” He jokes. 

“You’re ridiculous!” You laugh as Topper navigates his way through Kelce's room toward the screen door leading outside. 

You tilt your head back, letting your hair flow as Topper carries you out onto the balcony. The night breeze and salty scent of the ocean fill your senses. Whatever Rafe gave you is immaculate. You've never felt so connected to the world before. Suddenly, Topper releases you, letting you fall onto one of those massive round loungers with a squeal. You lay back onto the lounger, pondering the sensation of the soft fabric beneath you. 

“You’re exquisite,” Topper admires, towering over you with a gawking look on his face. 

You prop yourself up on your elbows with a smirk. "You too." 

Topper plops down beside you, sliding to be close to your side. His fingertips glide up and down your arm. “How are you feeling?” 

Your eyes fall shut with a grin. “Like I’m on a cloud," you describe in a whisper as you ponder the sensation of his warm fingers on your cool skin. “You feel on fire. So warm...” 

“Do you like it?” He asks in a whisper and you can feel the warm breath wave over your cheek. 

You hum, focusing on every detail of his touch. You exhale deeply as Topper brushes his lips across your collar bone and planting a kiss on your skin. 

“Do you regret us?” He whispers. You don't see it, but Topper watches you intently with a softly broken expression. He hopes you don't. God, does he want to beg you to be his, only his. 

You shake your head, breathless. "No." 

Glad to say the least, Topper moves his attention to your neck, kissing and sucking hard on the sensitive skin. His hand roams your waist down to your inner thigh, making you inhale sharply. Your back arches off the lounger and toward his hand between your legs. You crave to feel more of him. 

“Are you sure?” He checks quietly in your ear. 

“Yes,” you exhale, too overwhelmed by the pleasure growing inside you to focus on his questions. 

As you kisses Topper, you chase the sensation he’s giving you. You're addicted to the way he makes you feel. Topper's lips travel down from your jawline to your chest. The memories of winter break, Bermuda, every intense moment you and Topper have ever shared are your driving force right now. As Topper leaves a trail of affection down your collarbone to your chest, he begins to untie your bikini. Then, your thoughts fixate on JJ. His face flickers across your mind. Physically, you want Topper, but all you can think about is JJ. You wonder where he is, what he's doing, if he's thinking about you. 

You're so far into your own thoughts that your body goes through the motions subconsciously. You're partially distracted by your thoughts of JJ, but the drugs and alcohol also cloud your mind. You're not entirely sure how things escalated, but deep down you're not shocked. It's you and Topper, you've never been fully satisfied when it comes to one another. You can't help but to feel everything, pondering the glorious and overwhelming pleasure as Topper thrusts into you. 

You bite down on her lip, restricting yourself from accidentally whispering JJ’s name. “Topper,” you pant, focusing. 

“Say it again, Beautiful,” Topper pants, planting a kiss to your chest as he picks up his pace. 

“Please Topper,” you whisper breathlessly. 

“God, you’re so perfect,” he grunts, finding himself getting closer with each syllable leaving your lips. 

Topper is your greatest addiction. He’s everything you're supposed to want. He’s utterly devoted to you and secretly you crave his attention. You roll your hips, making him go deeper inside of you, much to his surprise. 

“Fuck Y/N,” he moans in your ear. 

“Holy shit,” you mutter uncontrollably. 

“You always feel so good," Topper swallows hard. "I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.” 

Your nails graze down his back, knowing how much he loves that. “Keep going, I’m so close,” you plead, needing him closer though you know that's impossible. 

“That’s it, Beautiful," Topper guides. "Cum for me,” he demands more than requests. 

“Yes, Topper!" You moan, chasing the high. "Yes!” 

“You’re gonna make me cum,” Topper whispers against the skin of your neck and planting a kiss on your jawline. 

He lifts his head, meeting your gaze. The moment is intimate and draws you two together. You nod, staring into his eyes. “Cum for me." 

You feel Topper finish inside you, a sensation you've experienced almost a dozen times, but it's never enough. Knowing that you can make Topper feel so free and satisfied sometimes keeps you awake at night. Topper  settles down on the lounger next to you, panting. 

You glance at one another, meeting each other's gaze as you catch your breath. You two laugh, in disbelief of what just occurred. 

“Wow!” Topper chuckles. 

You raise your brows, in awe. “I know." 

“And I thought we wouldn’t outdo Bermuda,” he recalls. 

“I swear Bermuda was the Twilight Zone or something," you giggle. "I only remember flashes of it.”

Topper's eyes grow wide and he places his hand over yours. “Do you remember when we found Rafe with that Brazilian chick!” 

“Oh my God!" You gasp, turning onto your side to face him. "They were on that nasty leather couch that Kelce spilled the grenadine all over!” 

“We were off our asses most of the time,” Topper remembers, pulling you into his side. His arm wraps around you like a protective blanket. 

“Facts, we didn’t see Rafe or Kelce for most of it," you add with a snicker. "I think my brother slept out by the pool every night." 

“I honestly don’t even remember Rhett after the plane landing," Topper confesses, his eyes flicker up to the stary sky. "Plane lands, a week goes by no recollection of Rhett, see Rhett on the plane.” 

“You’re kidding!” You gasp. 

“Dead serious! I swear we left him at the airport,” Topper elaborates with a wide grin. 

“He carried you home from the bar that third night!” You remind him. 

His eyes grow wide, utterly surprised. “I thought that was you!” 

“How could it have been me?!” You swiftly counter, laughing harder than you have in a while. 

“That’s why I was so confused!” He reasons. 

“You’re insane!” You struggle to say between fits of laughter. 

You two share in your laughter, not having had a moment like this in a while. You guys have had so much going on that the last time you truly felt at peace together and free to let go was Bermuda. Had you known that coming home would've meant the end of your two's peace of mind, you're not sure if you would've left. You rest your cheek against his chest, settling in comfortably. 

“I’ve missed this. I’ve missed us this way,” he confesses softly. 

“I forgot how good it could be,” you admit with a content smile. 

 Topper glides his fingertips up and down your spine. “Well, I guess that proves it then.” 

You lift your head, resting your chin on his chest to meet his gaze. “Proves what?” 

“It’s JJ,” Topper sighs, giving you a knowing look. 

Your brows scrunch together in confusion. Swiftly, you shuffle through your memories of minutes before, did you say JJ's name? You're almost certain you didn't. You did everything in your power not to. “What do you mean?” 

“I can tell," he shrugs, bringing a hand up to brush your hair away from your face. "It felt great but also different than before. I knew when I had you. I don’t anymore.” 

Your eyes fall to your hand resting on his chest, avoiding his gaze. He caresses your cheek lovingly, despite knowing the truth. “I’m sorry, Topper...” you mumble, full of guilt. 

“It’s okay," he tries to reassure you. "You can love two people at the same time, just in their own way.” 

"I just..." you sit up, frustrated and unable to fully put into words what you're struggling with. Topper sits up beside you, rubbing your back. "When I'm with JJ I'm this one person and when I'm with you I'm completely different! I'm not sure which one is the real me." 

"You don't have to have all answers, just take it day by day," he advises reasonably. "Right now, let's just forget everything else and be here. Nothing can bother us here." 

You exhale deeply and Topper guides you to lay back down. You two stare up at the sky in each other's arms, the faint sounds of the party below not invading either of your minds. The warm night's air breezes by, coating you in a shield of peace. 

“Do you think ten years from now we’ll still be doing this?” Topper wonders. 

“Kinda wanna be married by then,” you giggle. 

“I know, I’d be your side hoe,” he clarifies. 

You swat him on the arm. “Topper!” 

“What!” He laughs. 

“You can’t plan on cheating on your future wife!” You argue playfully. 

“But it’s you, you don’t count!" He reasons. "It’s the Y/N Hall Pass. My wife is wife, obviously my life partner, but you’re... well you’re you," he adds gently, unsure how to describe it. 

“Wow, that’s real flattering,” you joke. 

“You know what I mean!" He rolls his eyes but struggles to hide his amusement. "You know that movie you made me watch last month uh... My Best Friend’s Wedding!” He remembers. You hum, of course, you do, you love that movie. Topper continues, “well, you’re my Julia Roberts.” 

“You want me to try to break up your wedding?” You question, wondering where he's going with this. 

“No, no! Well... if you really think she’s not the one but that’s beside the point," he shakes his head. "I’m talking about what Cameron Diaz said in that elevator scene.” 

“He’s got you on a pedestal and me in his arms,” you quote, predicting his intention. 

Topper tucks his finger under your chin, making you lift your head to meet his gaze. His eyes pour into yours with such intensity, you know he means whatever he's going to say with the utmost certainty. “No one can compete with you, Y/N. Whoever I end up marrying, if I end marrying anyone, they’ll have to be okay that.” 

You lean forward, gently pressing a kiss to Topper's lips. You're not sure if it'll be your last one, but either way, it reminds you of a farewell or closing note. Topper deepens the kiss, bringing his hand to the back of your head, pulling you in. It carries more passion and longing than any other kiss you two have shared, and you've kissed a lot over the years. 

After a couple of minutes under the stars, you and Topper agree that it's time to return to the party before anyone comes searching for you. 

"Wasn't a bad last hoorah if you ask me," Topper concludes as he helps you tie up your top. 

You spin on your heels to face him, bringing your arms to rest on his shoulders. "We really went out with a bang, pun intended." 

"If he ever breaks your heart, I'm first in line," he winks, bringing his hands to your waist. 

You lift your hand to his cheek, caressing his cheekbone with your thumb. "I want you to be happy, even if that's not with me." 

He scoffs, holding back his emotions. "Why does it feel like we're breaking up?" He tries to laugh it off. 

"In a way, we are..." You admit, causing Topper to look at you with surprise. He hadn't expected you to agree, though deep down, he hoped you would. 

He slips his head to the side and presses a kiss to your palm before lowering your hand to rest within his. "I'm slowly coming to terms that it may not be you, though I always imagined it was. I sorta feel like I'm starting from scratch. Whenever I envisioned my future, it was with you. Now, the face is blank. I have no idea what's going to happen," he confesses with a breathless laugh, a hint of worry behind the sound. 

"How exciting!" You encourage. 

"Always the optimist," Topper chuckles, before draping an arm across your shoulders and guiding you toward the doors. "Us ending up together would've been too easy anyway. I hate being predictable," he frowns in disgust. 

"Agreed, far too simple," you nod. 

Topper pauses before the door leading out to the hallway. Once you two leave the safety of the third floor, this time you've had alone will be over. Things will never be the same once you close this chapter. Topper peers down at you, longing to tell you. “You know I’ll always be there for you, right?” 

You nod slowly, certain of his words. “Me too, Topper.” 

He leans down, planting a long kiss on your forehead and you can feel the struggle behind the action. Everything about this is bittersweet. “I love you." 

“I love you too," you whisper. 

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