#anyway uhhhh this game HAS me. GRIPPED.

[pavlovianfuckery]

there's a joke about being railed somewhere in here

A/N: Re-uploading all my fics after having a slight mental breakdown and deleting everything, bone apple tea and all that anyway

AO3

The Master-masterlist

Fandom Masterlist

Summary: Look at the notes, there's not as much as a crumb of plot here, there's just me cocking my brain like a splatoon gun and firing it an a poor, unsuspecting word doc until this came out.

Pairing: Blaine DeBeers/F!Reader

Notes: bit of dirty talk and knife play, CNC, uhhhh oral sex with a gun??? no use of y/n

Length: 3300~ words

You had to admit that out of all the things you had expected to be doing tonight, running hadn't exactly been at the top of the list. Considering how he usually likes you pretty and prefers having easy access, him telling you to wear something disposable and to skip the heels tonight should have made it obvious what sort of thing he had in mind for tonight. Not that you didn't usually end up winded by the end of it, but it had yet to involve what could only be described as some sort of messed up game of cat and mouse. But then, there's a first time for everything. At least now the location makes sense. No nosy neighbors, or anyone else either for that matter. If he was planning to fuck you until you screamed yourself hoarse, there's worse places to do that than an old warehouse on the outskirts of town. Not that he'd said it explicitly but it had been pretty heavily implied. He'd been pretty vague though, so you suppose 'don't plan to be nice' could mean almost anything.

On some level this entire situation feels very silly, but you can't deny that it's fun. Hiding behind some old shelving you do your best to keep quiet, despite the hysterical little giggle bubbling in your throat. It's even more difficult since you have a rough idea of how this is going to go once he catches you. Because he will. It might not even take very long. The building isn't all that big and you can hear him moving around, which makes it even harder to be quiet. When the lights come on, you nearly yelp. Most of the bulbs are broken but a couple still work, bathing the worn down brick walls in softly flickering yellow light. Then he's moving again, step by unhurried step. He keeps getting closer to where you're hiding, and at this rate you're going to have to make a run for it soon. The only reason that he doesn't see you sneaking a peek is that he has his back turned, and you only barely manage to duck back down before he turns around. Even in sneakers it's difficult to keep your steps quiet, every small sound echoing around the empty space, but you try. Slowly moving around the back of the huge shelf, you try to hurry but not rush. The door isn't that far away, just up a few short steps and then around the corner, so in theory, you could make it. It takes you a few seconds to realize how quiet it's gotten. That can't be good.

You hadn't been sure if you'd be able to take this seriously and actually try to resist, but it turns out that it's not that hard, not when you only narrowly avoid banging your head on the wall, rough bricks scraping your shoulders almost raw from the impact.

"There you are." His voice isn't quite a growl but it's close enough and between that and the surge of adrenaline, struggling comes a lot more naturally than you'd anticipated. Not that it does you much good. When you try to push him away and wiggle out of his grip, he just laughs, slamming you back against the wall and knocking some of the breath out of you. "Was hoping you'd try a little bit harder, though." Then he steps back and let's go, gesturing for you to run again. "Go on." You only make it a few steps before you find yourself flattened against the wall again.

"Wha-"

"Changed my mind," he cuts you off, summer-sky eyes glittering with amusement as he casually slips a hand around your neck, pinning you down. With his other hand, he reaches into a pocket. You're not sure what he's going to do and you can't really see what he's doing either. When a few flicks of his wrist have a flash of silver flickering at the edge of your vision, you freeze.

He's just as casual when he ghosts the knife across your collarbone. The blade is so sharp that it almost doesn't hurt when it slides over your skin, drawing sluggish drops of red to the surface, and even though it's barely a scratch it still has a whimper sticking in your throat. You can only try to stay still and just breathe as he lazily drags the tip of the knife over your chest. Every little cut sends a shiver through you, making heat pool low in your belly. It's impossible to see exactly what he's doing, just feel the sting of the lines he's etching into you. It seems to be mostly random but then he pauses, a second of hesitation before sliding the blade across the top of your left breast. While the other cuts had been almost thoughtless, just little straight nicks and crisscrossing lines, this one has his full attention. As he drags the tip of the knife over your breast his eyes go half-lidded, focused on this new line. It curves, it goes deeper and it really hurts. It unsticks the whimper caught in your throat and it's all you can do not to start struggling again. Even if it wouldn't kill you, you don't exactly cherish the thought of impaling yourself by accident and ending the evening prematurely. When he finally stops, you're both a bit short of breath.

As he bends down and runs his tongue over your swollen and tender skin, you very nearly forget how this was supposed to go. Just his breath burns but you still start to melt into his touch. Until he bites you. It's not hard enough to break skin but it still hurts like hell, making you yelp and remember that right, you weren't supposed to go along with this. As you start wriggling he tightens his grip, making your head spin as you struggle for breath.

"That's a bit better." Hooking the blade over the edge of your tank top he grins at you, teeth stained pink. Instead of making a straight cut, he leverages the spine of the blade against you as he cuts with jerking little motions, causing the very tip of the knife to dip into your skin as the thin fabric parts under the blade without offering barely any resistance. When the top falls completely open you're left with a dotted line from your sternum all the way down your stomach, and for a second you half expect him to put his mouth on you again. You're almost disappointed when he doesn't. Instead, he glides the knife under first one strap and then the other, a quick flick of his wrist making the slim elastic snap and leaving you completely bare from the waist up, nipples pebbling in the cool evening air. "And that's perfect. Well, almost."

As he goes to slip the blade into the waistband of your leggings he loosens his grip just enough that you manage to get free. This time you make it up the short concrete steps and almost to the door before he catches you again. Though perhaps catch isn't quite the right word, because rather than try to grab you he pushes you. It's not hard but still enough to make you stumble on the last step and nearly go down.

"You fucking asshole," you spit, only barely managing to grab the railing to keep your balance. Despite the want slithering low in your belly, putting up a bit more of a fight suddenly seems like a better idea. Whirling around you're so ready to aim a punch right at his smug face that it takes you a second to even notice the gun.

"Someone's forgotten her manners," he tuts, clicking his tongue as he gestures with the pistol. "On your knees, sweetheart." And that has no business sounding quite that good right now, but you do as he says. Maybe the gun should put you off more than it does, but it does little to temper the heat steadily growing between your thighs. He really hadn't been kidding when he'd said that he wouldn't be nice tonight.

"You expect me to put my hands behind my head, too?" It comes out harsh and sarcastic, and perhaps the attitude is ill-advised in this situation. You doubt that it's actually loaded, but that's hardly the point of this little game, anyway.

"No," he lets out a humorless little laugh as he steps closer, tilting your chin up with the barrel of the gun. For a second he hesitates, eyes flicking over your face. Then there's cold metal pressing almost gently against your lips. "Open." Despite being fairly certain that it's not loaded, fear still wraps around the molten want in your belly, cold and sharp like razor wire. It's not enough to deter you though. Everything about this is uncomfortable, from how you try to avoid it sliding over your teeth to the unyielding concrete making your knees ache. The long, shaky exhale he lets out as you run your tongue over it makes it almost worth it, though. Still, he pushes for more. "Suck it like you mean it, doll." Keeping your eyes fixed on his, you wrap your lips around the barrel of the gun. The taste of metal and gun oil floods your mouth but with the way his eyes go dark and a breathy little half-moan escapes him, you hardly notice it. You make sure to be messy with it as you suck, making the dull metal shine with saliva as you gag yourself on it. The effect it has on him isn't lost on you, especially not from this position.

"Fuck, your mouth is pretty," he groans, abruptly pulling the gun away. For a second you think that me's going to replace the gun with his cock but instead, he grabs you by the back of the neck. Being yanked to your feet isn't exactly comfortable either and you fight him the whole way, even if it's only on principle. The swift kick you aim at him barely connects with his thigh but it still has his eyes hazing over with red as he slams you against the railing. "Vicious little bitch," he snarls and now you're not sure if he's actually angry or not. As he manhandles you until you're bent over the railing it hardly matters, though.

"Fuck you." You aim another kick backwards, only hitting air.

"Yeah?" His breathing is ragged as he twists your arm behind your back until your shoulder aches in protest. This time you can't see the knife but you can still feel it as he slides it between your skin and the waistband of your leggings, a quick slice parting the elastic. Even though they almost fall down on their own he still yanks on them, making the seams pop and rip as he pulls them down. You're not sure if it's planned or just him being impatient, but rather than taking them off in any reasonable way he reaches down between your legs and hooks the knife over fabric stretched taut between your thighs. From there all it takes is a few rough cuts to make the already-stressed garment fall apart into two separate pieces. The anticipation of what's next has you aching, but you still offer up some token resistance as he kicks your legs apart.

"Don't worry baby," he coos in your ear, voice almost sickly sweet as he grinds himself against your bare ass," this'll only hurt a little." He's a bit slow at getting his fly open, but you suppose that can be blamed on his apparent refusal to put the knife away. That should probably worry you more than it does but then his hard cock is rubbing against you and it doesn't seem terribly important. When he slips between your legs and rubs against your entrance he groans. "Damn," he reaches around and gropes you, the tip of the knife pricking the inside of your thigh, "look at you. Fuck, you're wet." He's anything but gentle when he finally drives into you, hard enough to make you cry out.

"Don't move," he grunts, but it's not exactly easy. With the way he's bent you over he's already forcing you onto the tips of your toes, and with the railing supporting much of your weight, every thrust threatens to make you lose contact with the ground completely. The railing digs into your chest and makes it hard to breathe too, but the second you try to move into a more comfortable position he slides the knife up to your neck, holding it there. You can't tell if it's the spine or the edge so you do your best to stay still, though it's not entirely successful. "I said, don't move."

As you swallow, the blade pressed against you only barely breaks the skin, but the sting of it brings everything else into sharp focus. The way he moves inside of you, slowly pushing you closer and closer to the edge, every noise falling from that pretty mouth of his, the sound of your flesh smacking together. The filth he's pouring right into your ear.

"Maybe I should," he pants against the back of your neck, the words coming in fits and starts as he pounds into you, "should make you walk home after this. All marked up..." he bites into your shoulder hard enough to bruise before continuing, every word making the tension inside of you wind tighter and tighter, "and fucked so full of me that you're dripping with it. Let all of Seattle see what a whore you are."

Even though you know he's not seriously asking, you still can't keep from whimpering in response. Your world is shrinking until all that exists is his voice and his cock and the knife, keeping you trapped between them, pushing you closer and closer to the point of no return. And he still won't stop talking.

"Would you like that? If everyone saw," he lets go of your arm, grabbing onto your hip for more leverage instead, "if everyone knew what you let me do to you?"

"Yes," it comes out in a feeble little sob, but you're too far gone to care. He gives a throaty little laugh, slowing down.

"You're so close, aren't you?" His voice is like razorblades wrapped in cotton candy, sharp and brittle and so sweet it almost makes your teeth ache. Not waiting for a response, he slams into you hard enough to make you see stars. "You going to come for me?" When he finds the spot that makes your knees almost give out, he drills into you mercilessly, right there. "Come for me like a good little whore?"

"Anything you want," you moaning and frantic, struggling to form words. "Just please, don't stop, please..."

"Anything?" You don't have to see to be able to tell that he's grinning at you, you can feel his teeth at the back of your neck. Every thrust knocks a helpless little wail from you, echoing around the empty building, making it hard to talk.

"Yes, anything, just let me-"

"Say it, then." He drives into you again, and your release is so close that you can almost taste it, and with the way his breath hitches and his voice wavers, he can't be that far behind. "You're my whore."

"I'm your whore," you gasp, head swimming as you tremble against him. At this rate, it feels as if you'll fall apart no matter what he does, but it feels so good to say it so you do it anyway."Yours, only yours."

"Again," he groans, and for a few seconds, he's almost still, just nudging against that spot inside of you. Rather than pushing you over the edge he's dragging you right up to it, inch by inch, so slow that it feels as if you're going to break into a million tiny pieces. "Louder, sweetheart."

And that does it, whether he means it to or not. As your release crashes into you, you fuzzily hope that whatever he wanted to hear is in there somewhere. When your knees give out he's quick to catch you, trapping you between his body and the railing as he fucks you through it. You're going to be sore after this but between the rush of adrenaline, lack of oxygen making your head spin and him dragging your pleasure out for as long as he can stand it, you can't bring yourself to care. What you do care about is the filthy noise that he makes when he comes, pushing as deep as he can go and filling you until you really are dripping with it, as if he's been saving it all for you. Maybe he has.

As you slowly start coming down, you remember that right, you're naked except for your shoes, and that makes you let out a choked little laugh. Dropping the blade from your neck, he rests his chin on your shoulder.

"Something funny?" Still a bit out of breath, he presses a kiss between your shoulder blades before pulling out, setting himself to rights. Not that there's a lot of that, since he looks fucked out but otherwise pristine. It's almost unfair.

"I'm naked," you giggle, not quite sure how to explain why that's hysterical.

"Mm, I've noticed." He drawls, idly poking your ass with the tip of the knife before putting it away, making you yelp at the sting.

"You're not actually going to make me walk home, are you?" You're pretty sure he's not, but it never hurts to make sure. Straightening up and leaning back against the railing you try to convince your back and knees that yes, upright is better, and we're going to walk, not crawl out of here. It's not entirely successful and you're definitely going to be sore tomorrow, in more ways than one.

"Wasn't planning on it." He quirks an eyebrow at you, clearly not following your train of thought, "You want to?"

"No, just," you bite your lip, not sure how to put it. "Are you really going to let me ride bare-assed and freshly fucked in your car?" At least that seems to get the point across, even if it does make him look at you as if you've grown a second head.

"Obviously not." At your confused look, he sighs, "Just stay put." When he walks out and closes the door behind him, there's a few seconds that you think that maybe he really is letting you walk, and the sound of the car door opening and closing doesn't really help. But then the door opens again and he's back, holding a wadded-up bundle of something out to you. "Not that kind of monster, doll." He doesn't quite meet your eyes as he thrusts it into your hands. "Try not to get blood all over it."

You have to fold the pant legs up several times and the t-shirt is too big for you, but they're both well-worn and soft and the way they both smell like him makes something loosen in your chest.

The drive home is quiet and you spend most of it in a satisfied sort of daze, alternating between looking out the window at the passing streetlights and watching him. Deciding to survey the damage you flip the passenger side mirror down, pulling the neckline of the shirt out of the way. It's not so bad, the blood has mostly dried up and nothing looks to be very deep. It's just random lines, except in one place. Some twisted part of you wishes that you could keep it, but since it'll be gone in a day or two you're not sure if you should comment on the 'B' decorating the top of your left breast, about three inches tall and already scabbing over. In the end, you decide not to say anything. What difference would it make?

⁂

The Master-masterlist

Fandom Masterlist

If you liked this spicy snack even a little, please consider supporting your local smut-slinger and hitting the reblog button on the way out, perhaps even drop a comment if you're feeling generous, it really helps with the motivation side of things a lot!

[beevean]

Passing this on ~

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love! 💞

Aww, thank you! 🥺

Let's see...

Remember: this was a ton of fun 💖 the idea of Black Doom rewriting Shadow's memories wouldn't leave my head for the sheer implied horror, made even worse in the game as you can choose if to let BD win or resist. I used HTML (and replayed the stage more times I'm comfortable to admit lol) to convey Shadow's fragmented state of mind. I'm still proud of this one :)

Let Go: the power of spite compelled me lol. This was basically me putting my money where my mouth is and rewriting IDW #50 to make Sonic more IC and Surge less of an author's mouthpiece and more of a genuinely tragic character, who is aware of being brainwashed but can't do nothing to fight it. Writing from the POV of a character you don't like is a surprisingly useful exercise. And I still like the idea of Sonic (wind) and Surge (electricity) creating a storm while fighting.

Grip: I will finish it. I promise lol. While it's a little outdated in terms of headcanon (thankfully I can still adjust the draft of the third chapter, but it's not going to be easy), I am proud of my first in-depth analysis of Hector and how he'd suffer from the trauma of living in the Castle for most of his life. It was meant as a very simple contrast between Isaac and Rosaly, but, uh. It ballooned lmao. I just love Hector a lot :P

What We Lost and What We Gained: a sort of fix-it fic, but made with love lol. I poured a lot of personal feelings into this one so it's particularly dear to me, but I also just like how I managed to find a, in my opinion, more suitable happy ending for Hector. Also I like writing Julia <3 i have a fluffy wip from her pov but inspiration isn't coming to me :<

Anima: yes it's very recent lol. Of the uhhhh about to become 20 Hecula fics I wrote (jesus what's wrong with me), it was a toss up between this one and Cold - you can see how much my perspective has shifted in less than a year lmao. Anyway, I think this one has nearly everything I enjoy in my vision of the ship: an obsessed Dracula whose love is intense but self-centered, a sassy Hector so painfully victim of grooming but trying his best to push boundaries and break free, uncomfortable wholesomeness, power games, vague ties with canon (my idea that Hector will soon grow brave enough to openly challenge his beloved Lord), a warped version of the soulmates trope, bottom drac...

[spearxwind]

What's been your fave part (or multiple parts) of Sunless Sea? Any fave characters or monster or places?

Man I love the game sm in general, but my favorite part is 100% the writing. Theres so much of it, and every time i think im safe the game shows me a text box that just blows me away. I am still literally being haunted by the one interaction through which my captain became a cannibal like. That had no fucking business being that well written and I have massive respect for everyone in the writing department 

I havent delved too far into characters but i rly love maybe’s daughter shes really fun. For monsters I 100% am legally required to say the morrays are good (they are holding me hostage) and uh. also seeing the tree of ages for the first time made me scream out loud bc it was like -sailing directly down from aestival, which i love and is pleasant- “oh shit this place looks a little scary- WAUGH” 

but man. as for favorite places i rly couldnt say theres just SO MUCH. theres SO MANY PLACES and all of them have fantastic writer. aestival comes to mind first bc its so fun but so deeply ominous in such a pleasant way. its good. kingeaters castle is so unhinged like just seeing the text prompts there for the first time felt like i was suddenly in the wrong game.  Irem has a snake therefore it is good. the chelonate my beloved.... gaiders mourn and godfall are such a dope concept as well like. stalactite structures babeyyy. OH AND OFC THE GEODE AND THE DAWN MACHINE. I CANT NOT LOVE THEM

THE SUN. THE SUN. THE SUN. THE SUN.

[thunderheadfred]

🤚The Second Worst (Pt. 1/?)🤚

Part 2 of my Shigaraki Thesis Headcanons. HC's // The Second Worst: 1 - 2

The half-mad ghost of Shimura Tenko is in love with you, and your life is about to become a tragic wreck. -- AKA here's when I gave up on bullet points and went off the fuckin rails

I'm self-conscious about writing so much, so uhhhh, please be kind, hahaaa. This is rather long and involved. Are these still even HCs or just a self-indulgent AU outline? There are some mysteries we may never solve.

This is on AO3 now, if you prefer reading there. Anyway. Minors do not interact.

- - - - -

You met Tenko before the League existed.

Believe it or not, there are a million ways it might have happened, but in the end: you were both bargain-binning in Akihabara.

You reached for a copy of a collectible bullet-hell cute-'em-up (near-mint! CIB!!!) and accidentally bonked hands with a complete stranger. He flinched about five million feet away from you. Ouch. You're just a nobody, quirkless and average, but you didn't think you were THAT repulsive.

(You're not. Hell, even if you were, this guy couldn't care less. He barely registers that you have a face.)

(Shigaraki is accustomed to getting in and out of this shop in seconds. He always comes in before anyone else and goes straight home. -- Is that really home? Is 'home' a real place? -- ANYWAY he's already pirated this shit, god, why does he even care? He doesn't need to be here. Father doesn't like it. Is that why he's here? Just to do something Father doesn't like? That's pathetic.)

He's had at least ten complete internal arguments with himself before he so much as looks at you.

You know in the tenth of a second he actually meets your eyes... this fucker is going to fight you to the death over this game.

- - - The death match ends in a draw. He was not expecting you to know the first fucking thing about this game. Nobody knows about it, even in Japan. Who the fuck do you even think you are? Oh, no, he's still taking it. But... maybe he can show you how to play it it. He'll give you a little taste, just to make you jealous. He's got his hoodie pulled down like he's going to commit an act of terrorism. What little you can see of his face looks twitchy and messed up. If you have any survival instincts at all, they're kicking in right about now. But... why not. You're not going anywhere with this dude unsupervised, so you suggest a crowded web cafe down the street. The cafe has the necessary console... but the retro gaming booth is laughably small. The TV is about four inches across and you end up having to practically sit in his lap. You were sure this guy was a nasty fucking creep, but he's................ only mostly terrible. Way too angry, for sure. Has no idea how to have a normal, friendly conversation. Inadvertently insults you every other sentence and seems to have a deep-seated persecution complex.

You'd prefer to be mad about the awful company, but... he's obviously deprived of human contact. When it's established that you two share a lot of media fixations, he calms down and starts treating you a little more like a human being. Or at least like a fellow elite.

Wherever he came from, he doesn't seem to want to go back. He keeps pushing you to play one more level, pretending he wants to beat your score. You feel kinda bad for him. You get the distinct feeling that his life is a disaster. He looks like he's never had a full night of sleep in his life. He trips your trigger hairs in that 'is he gonna follow me home?' kind of way, but... up close, he's a lot more depressing than scary. At the very least, you want to buy him a stupidly cute dessert. Just... as thanks. For letting you try out the game and stuff. It's not a big deal, so just pick a flavor, okay? The world isn't actually that awful, y'know.

It's not even that impressive... Definitely not a great cafe. But he takes practically a full hour to eat a single slice of strawberry cake.

When the hoodie comes down. He's all shriveled and dried out, like someone left him him in the desert to die. He chews on his peeling bottom lip and nervously scratches his neck. He doesn't thank you for the cake. Which is fine. It's not a big deal. Actually, you wish he would eat faster; you feel weirdly responsible for him now.

Under all that mess he's... gorgeous? His hair is stunning: a bright, gleaming silver that catches the light. His bone structure is flawless. If it weren't for all the scars and the misanthropic slouch, he'd look like a fairy fucking prince.

You were not prepared for that. In another life he could have been a model, the type of guy who would never even look at you. But something bad happened to him. Something... very bad. Do you even want to know? You have no idea how to ask. Has anyone ever been nice to him? It doesn't seem like it. Should YOU be nice to him? You sort of want to try. - - - This becomes a regular thing. This weird little secret. You should probably tell someone when you see him, just in case you don't come back one day, but you say nothing; how the hell would you explain why you want to see him so bad? You don't know his full name. Maybe he's on a watch list. When he gives you a long string of random numbers so you can schedule meet-ups (is THAT his e-mail, really?) he tells you to just... call him Tenko. Or whatever. It doesn't matter. (He sneaks out when Father is deep in his plots. As long as he comes home on time, it doesn't really matter where he goes, right?) He brings a different game every time. He has an insane collection. Where does he get the money for all this? You know he doesn't work. God, is it drugs? It's probably drugs. Wherever these hidden gems came from, he proudly shows them off to you, like he's never had an audience before. It's sort of cringe-inducing, the way he one-ups and rubs every little victory in your face, desperate for attention.

But at the same time, you are becoming too... something...to mind. Do you... like him? He's not funny, but he thinks you are. His mouth is huge when he laughs. He seems to hate everyone but you, and you've had to earn the distinction of being merely tolerable. Still, he gets really excited about random shit like the garage kit black market and haunted dolls and the price of weed on the dark web.

And... strawberry cake. The realization hits you both at the same time when the waitress brings one piece with two forks. God, what the fuck, are you... are you dating? Quick, think. You look forward to seeing him, and don't even mind sitting close to him anymore. Sometimes you push your leg up against him just to see if he'll still flinch away... and he doesn't.

You jealously notice the way he touches everything but you: with delicate precision, one finger at a time. His large, elegant hands always have a pinky up like he's aspiring for a fiefdom, and you wonder what his skin feels like. You go home and dwell on the way he plucks flowering weeds out of the pavement in front of the cafe. The way he stands rooted to the spot as you leave, just... looking at nothing, unsmiling.

You watch his lips too much, and not just because you want to buy him chapstick. You catch him gaping at you all the time. You thought he was just creepy like that, but maybe... Yeah. I guess you are dating him. Shit. - - - Okay, so, yeah. Bringing him back to your place was definitely a bad idea. You know you shouldn't trust him, even if he is... apparently... your boyfriend? Sort of? You still don't have his phone number. So. Um. What now? You order overpriced pizza and queue up a campy horror movie. What the fuck are you even doing. You don't really think he's going to murder you anymore, but... still. Is the suburban massacre scene gonna give him ideas? Turns out, no. He doesn't like gore, even when the blood is neon pink. He gets upset. Like, really upset. Shaky and green, like he might puke on you. He can't stop scratching that scaly spot on his neck.

Tenko, are you crying? Fucking hell, did you just trigger him? Of course he has a traumatic past, it's carved all over his face. You're so fucking stupid. You don't know how to make it right. You want to hug him, kiss him... anything. But he's never really touched you, and you're too afraid to push now. It ruins the whole night. He leaves without explaining anything. Doesn't even say goodbye. He just. Leaves. Maybe you'll never see him again. Maybe that's for the best. Your chest hurts. - - - He shows up at your door a few weeks later. You haven't heard from him since that disastrous movie night. You had pretty much accepted that you'd broken up with a boyfriend you never actually had. But no. Apparently not.

This time, he’s brought his own entertainment. He's holding a boxed set of some show you're not familiar with. You're distracted by these weird little half-gloves he's wearing, like a cyberpunk hacker. That's a new look, and even if it's a bit edgelord adjacent, he makes it look cool. You tell him as much. It's the first time you've let on how attractive you find him. He's wearing a tight black shirt with a deep, deep V-neck. That's distracting too.

He clears his slender throat and doesn't look at you.

You try to apologize for before, but he's acting like it never happened. What are you even talking about? Have you seen this OVA or not? Get out of the way and let him in already. You've watched three episodes now, but you still have no idea what this stupid anime is about. You can't pay attention to a single frame. All you can think about is how his arm has crept up behind your shoulders. A few inches more and he'll be holding you. Does he... want to hold you? You lean toward him so slowly your spine creaks. One molecule at a time. After a thousand years, your head slides nervously under his chin. His arm comes down, locking you in, fingers clutching your sleeve in a death grip. Even that snobby little pinky. His head tucks down into you hair. A sharp collarbone bites into your cheek. His heartbeat is hard, fast, and irregular. There's not a scrap of fat on him, and as you wrap your arm around his stomach, you think you see a twitch in his pants. Is that just you being desperate? Or... hopeful? This is really happening. --- Soon, you learn that Tenko is a clumsy kisser. It doesn't matter; the fact that he's kissing you at all is good enough for now. His lips are dry, but not half as dry as you expected. There's a slick of menthol helping things along; he's been using something medicated on his lips. Plus, his mouth tastes like he drank a gallon of mouthwash.

All this thrills you more than a little, because it means he came here wanting to impress you. Wanting you. Full stop. Underneath that minty sting is a strange, worrisome aftertaste, like something rotten. Your brain fires off an alarm. Stop kissing him. Right now. This thing will make you sick. But his hands nervously slide over your body... and you decide not to worry about it. Instead, you kiss him deeper. He makes a sweet, startled little noise. Your brain is a fucking liar. It occurs to you he's probably never done this before.

When you lace your fingers in his and try to pull one of his gloves off, he rips his hand away.

Don't. That’s the only explanation he gives.

No need to ask if it's a quirk thing or a trauma thing. Judging by how jittery he gets, it's probably both. You remember the way his hands almost float over objects without ever holding them. Maybe his touch is dangerous. Maybe that's why his face looks like that.

Maybe you should learn more about him before things go way too far...

No. It can't be that bad. Now that he's in your arms, everything frightening about him evaporates. He's vulnerable. He's alone. He's shaking a little. Has anyone else ever seen this side of him? You want to keep him all to yourself, just like this.

So what if he has to touch you with gloves on? You've heard of worse quirk-related inconveniences.

It's okay, Tenko. Do you want to keep going?

You put his hands back on you and wait for him to kiss you again. It doesn't take long.

---

You open his pants. He's long and thin, calloused even here. Every part of him feels untouched, unloved. You hold him tight and squeeze.

It doesn't seem to occur to him to please you in return. He looks afraid. Confused. You're sure you scared him earlier with the glove thing. Is this too much? No. He gasps and leans into you. The tiniest, broken please.

He cums in your hand right away, face buried in your shoulder, his eyes wet and hidden.

I have to go, he says. Over and over and over.

It's okay, Tenko.

You know he doesn't want to.

- - - - - (oops I wrote more)

[illfoandillfie]

Promise

Pairing: Aromantic!Fem!Reader x Ben Hardy

Warnings: Implied smut and some Feelings talk but honestly it’s pretty tame.

Words: 1,413

A/N: It’s Aggressively Arospec Week! So, as promised, I’m going to be posting a few blurbs/short one shots and things during the coming week to celebrate, all of them taking place within my Platonically verse. All of the posts will be tagged as “platonically event” in case you want to find them later (or block the tag)

This first one is inspired by a song - Promise by The Novel Ideas. I think it was probably written with a more romantic relationship in mind but theres a few lyrics in there that I choose to interpret as queerplatonic, and that especially reminded me of Ben and Reader in Platonically.

Ben’s house was a comforting place. You’d always felt comfortable there, since you’d first become friends with Ben, but especially after you got together. It was bigger than your place for one, an actual house and not a rundown flat you had to share to afford, though it was still fairly small. Its yard was almost non-existent but there was a scrap out the back that caught the sun in the afternoons. More than once you and however many friends had huddled there on wintery afternoons to warm up or else sprawled out in as few layers as you could get away with hoping the mercury wouldn’t rise much higher. So, after a day mostly spent indoors, huddled at your computers, you and Ben decided it might be nice to take a picnic rug out into the sunshine to relax before you had to worry about dinner. Of course, when Ben suggested the idea he chose to use the phrase, “boost our vitamin D levels” and you thought he was insinuating something else entirely.   “Well if that’s really what you want,” he laughed, pretending to reach for the waistband of his joggers.

Instead you stuck to his original idea, grabbing a fuzzy orange blanket from his wardrobe and laying it out over the patchy grass, throwing a couple of pillows down on top so your heads at least would be comfortable. For a while you just sort of did your own things near each other. Ben was preparing for a new movie so took the opportunity to read over the information he had and sections of the script, occasionally muttering to himself or highlighting something important (nearly always almost dropping his phone onto his face). And you happily stretched out beside him, relishing the warmth of the sun as you played games on your phone and scrolled through Tumblr. But, the lower in the sky the sun got, the closer together you moved until the sky was tinted with pink and you were laying perpendicular to each other, your head resting on his stomach. With a sigh, Ben set aside his phone and looked up at the wispy clouds moving across the sky. You knew what he was thinking about though he stayed quiet. “How long before you go?” “We start shooting in two weeks but I fly out a little before that just so I can get settled and meet everyone and there’s time to do any prep stuff before filming actually begins.” He paused but realised he hadn’t really answered you, “twelve days,” “Thats ages away,” you said with a soft laugh though you both knew the time would go by quickly. It wouldn’t be the first time you waved Ben off at the airport, but it would be the first time since you’d decided to be queerplatonic partners. Something about it made you a little sad, knowing you wouldn’t have your best friend by your side for the few months it took to film the movie, but it wasn’t the end of the world and you were excited on his behalf too.   Ben sighed again, less audibly than before but you could feel it in the way his stomach and chest moved so you rolled over to face him, propping yourself up on your elbow, studying the pensive expression he wore and determining he needed cheering up.   “I expect you to bring me back a present,” He smiled, his eyes drifting from the sky down to you as he let his head turn to the side, “I’ll keep that in mind,” “And I don’t mean something crappy like sweets or whatever junk you usually bring me. That was fine before but there has to be some sort of perk since I’m your partner now. I mean, everyone thinks I’m your girlfriend so you really have no choice here, you have to bring me something good.” The smile slowly spread until Ben was laughing, “Okay, something good it is then.” You giggled along with him, ignoring the patch of hard dirt under your elbow until you couldn’t any longer and instead rolled onto your back so you could lie beside him and let him wrap you up in his arms. And for a little while that was enough. It was close to being too warm, hot as you were from laying in the sun, but you didn’t mind, content in the knowledge that Ben was happy too.

Slowly his grip loosened until it was just his palm rubbing gently over your stomach and side, his thoughts back where they’d been before, “If I’d known I wouldn’t have auditioned for the movie,” “What?” “If I’d known things between us would work. At the time I kinda figured it was a good excuse in case asking you out ruined shit. I could just lay low for a few weeks and then dip, give you some space. But now it kinda feels like a mistake.” “Are you kidding? It’s a great roll, Ben, and you’re going to be amazing in it.” “Yeah I know, and I am excited about it,” “I’d hope so since it means you get to go to Greece,” He gave another soft chuckle at that, “Yeah that’s definitely part of my excitement. And it will be fun. But things are really good with you. Like really good. And I don’t want to ruin that by leaving.” You understood where he was coming from but still felt he was being a bit ridiculous, “You better not be getting romantically sentimental on me. It’s not like we live in the Regency period and have to rely on letters in the post or whatever. And besides, we’re not romantically involved so it’s a bit stupid for you to get all depressed about going.” You gave him a poke in the ribs for good measure.   “I promise I’m not,” there was an audible lift in his voice, “I just feel very protective of you. I don’t want you to be sad.” “Uhhhh, I’m going to be house sitting for you so there’s no chance of me being sad. I’ll have this place to myself and I am definitely going to enjoy it. Playing music as loud as I want, eating my way through your stash of chocolate, playing all your video games whenever I want. Able to be loud when I masturbate. No need to worry about accidentally waking up a roommate or walking in on her giving her boyfriend a bj. Fucking paradise really.” Ben snorted at the last bit and squeezed you tight again before kissing your temple, “Okay, sad isn’t a problem then. But I also don’t want you to realise I’m not necessary.” It was your turn to snort though it was less about amusement and more about how daft Ben sounded, “But you aren’t necessary.” “Way to make a guy feel special Y/N,” “No it’s a good thing. Like, being aro, I know I don’t need a relationship of any kind and, honestly, I’d be happy being single. I was happy being single for a long time. I have no desire for a relationship. But I want to be with you anyway. It doesn’t matter that I don’t feel a particular way for you. I just like you so much and think you’re such a good friend and we have so much fun that I’m happy with you. And I don’t want to stop being with you. You being in Greece isn’t going to change that.” “Guess I never thought of it like that. Kinda sweet actually.” “Plus, y’know, we’re pretty great at sex, right?” “Oh definitely great at it.”

It was much darker by then, the sun hanging low in the sky, but you barely noticed as Ben’s lips met yours, soft and comforting at first though neither of you seemed to want to be the one to stop the kiss. So neither of you did stop it. Instead you both shifted around to make it easier, eventually settling with his knee between your legs, giving you something to rock against as his arms loosened and his hands slid down to cup your arse. You knew you would miss him while he was away. He was your best friend so of course you would. But you weren’t worried. And you hoped you could at least distract Ben from whatever worries he had about it, if not cure them entirely.   “It’s getting dark Benny, you wanna move this inside? Think I’m a little low on Vitamin D.”

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Satisfied, Part 38

First

Previous

Next

~~~

She woke up with a groan and rubbed her eyes. Someone, probably Chloe, had tucked her into bed. She smiled faintly and sat up.

A glance at her phone found a text from Chloe saying she’d gotten home safely, a text from Jason asking if she was okay (really subtle), and a text from Damian asking if she wanted to talk.

She closed her eyes, letting her phone drop to her side. She didn’t really want to talk about anything, she’d already cried herself out of tears the night before and she didn’t intend on doing that again anytime soon.

She glanced at her work. She kinda needed to get a move on, the Wayne Gala was steadily approaching, but she didn’t really have any motivation to do that. She didn’t feel like being productive at all, actually.

What she wanted, really, was a distraction. She mulled over her options. Most of her hobbies also felt like work, from designing to baking, so… what could she do?

Oh!

She pulled up a chat.

Definitelyforgottosleep: wanna hang out today

She barely had to wait for an answer.

Coffeeismygirlfriend: Sure! I’ll be there soon.

She got up and went to the bathroom to get ready, only to see the dried blood on her floor. She bit her cheek and then walked to the door. She glanced back in it’s direction and smiled when she realized her counter covered it. Good. She could deal with that later, then. She didn’t feel like cleaning.

Marinette smiled as she opened the door an hour later, fully ready.

Tim smiled. “Hey! Ready to do some work?”

She grinned and rushed past him, hooking her arm with his. “Nope!”

He blinked confusedly as he allowed her to drag him along. “Uhhhh this wasn’t expected.”

“I can see that. You work too much anyways.”

Tim groaned. “Not you, too! I thought you understood!”

“Not saying it’s a bad thing, but I don’t want to do work today.”

He looked at her like she was insane.

She grinned and pulled him into an arcade that she’d seen a few times on patrol. “Behold! I’m gonna teach you how to have fun!”

He raised his eyebrows slightly. “I know how to have fun.”

“Mmm,” she said, not agreeing or disagreeing.

They both pulled out their wallets and then eyed each other warily. Marinette crossed her arms over her chest.

“I’m the one who wanted to come.”

“I’m the one with more money.”

She rolled her eyes and, however reluctantly, put her money away. He had a point. He probably wouldn’t even register the loss.

He smiled like he’d won something and handed over his credit card. “Uhhhh just as many points as you can give us, I guess?”

The clerk looked exhausted as she nodded, handing over the plastic cards.

And, with that, they were off.

She was better at most of the straight video games. He complained about difficult controls, but she was pretty sure he just wasn’t used to playing on consoles. It made sense, he didn’t really seem the type to play video games in his off time (if he even had any offtime, of course).

Still, he gave her a pout every time he lost. “You’re cheating.”

“Yeah. I’m cheating on this game that I’ve literally never played before in my life. You’ve caught me.”

He huffed. “We’re playing something else.”

Then they moved onto games based on sports. Were they maybe a bit too good at these types of games? A bit too quick? Yes. But neither of them intended on saying anything because oh cool tickets. Still, it became obvious they had different skill sets: Tim had her beat at basketball and Marinette never lost at skeeball. They never learned who was better at air hockey because one of their hits sent the puck flying into someone’s head and they had to run away before they got sued.

Next was games of luck…

She got the lowest possible amount of tickets. Five times in a row.

Marinette kicked the machine and then cursed at the pain. “THIS IS STUPID.”

Tim, however, was trying his hardest not to laugh. “This shouldn’t even be possible.”

“Helpful,” she muttered.

He gave a small shrug as he stepped up to the machine. “Maybe it’s just rigged or something,” he said. She would have been inclined to agree... if he didn’t get a jackpot on his first try.

She huffed at his smug grin. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“I could feel you judging me,” she muttered, giving his shoulder a small shove.

He grinned. “I’d never.”

She rolled her eyes. “New type of game!”

After a bit they managed to find some co-op games, and she was delighted to find that the two of them together made for a pretty formidable team. Admittedly, some of the games weren’t technically supposed to be played as co-op, but who was going to stop them from getting as many tickets as possible from this fishing game by working together? Really it was the designer’s fault for not taking that into consideration.

They ran out of credits about every hour, but did they care? Not really. Mostly because Tim never told her when this happened, usually waiting until she was distracted with a game to go recharge their cards. Did Marinette notice the fact that their cards were seemingly never ending or that sometimes they would randomly have a lot more credits? Maybe, but she was enjoying herself enough to avoid the guilt at least temporarily.

Eventually, though, the arcade was coming to a close.

They had bags upon bags of tickets hanging off their arms, but this would become their downfall. Despite being smart enough to find ways to get the most tickets at every game, they apparently weren’t smart enough to think ahead and were now struggling to untangle the tickets.

“How did you even do this, bean?”

She knocked her head against the machine she’d been leaning on. “Less talking, more untangling,” she muttered irritably, struggling with a ticket that somehow had gotten a knot in it.

They ignored the workers’ glares as they finally managed to hand over the little slip with their ticket count on it. Despite how much they’d gotten, they were forced to go to the cheapest section.

She pouted. “Man, we were cheated.”

“We could just buy the stuff, it’s a lot cheaper that way.”

She turned her gaze on him, an incredulous look on her face. “Of course not! Where’s the fun in that?”

“You would actually get what you wanted…?”

She huffed. “Boring.”

“You just said you felt cheated.”

“That’s part of the experience, Timothy.”

He rolled his eyes and they split off in search of what they could afford. Her eyes landed on the vigilante merch and a smile came to her face as she got a plan. She quickly rang herself up and headed to the bathroom to change.

She grinned at him as she stepped out in a Red Robin themed hoodie, clutching a plush version of the vigilante to her chest. 

Because what’s the point of knowing your friends’ secret identities if you can’t mess with them?

He blushed, his grip tightening on the bag of prizes in his hand.

Marinette tried not to laugh as she looped her arm with his again, pulling him out into the streets. She really didn’t know where they were going, but she didn’t want to just leave when he was looking so flustered. What a wasted opportunity!

“So, Red Robin fan?” He asked after a bit.

She smiled. “Of course! He’s super smart! I mean, I know Batman is supposed to be the greatest detective of all time or whatever but, considering ages and experience, I think that Red Robin is probably going to have him beat in… I don’t know, a few years?”

Poor Tim looked like he was about to pass out, his face was so red.

She smiled and sat down with him on a park bench. People were thinning around them as night approached, but she didn’t care. What was going to happen? They get attacked? That would only really be a bad time for the criminal.

“But I’ve actually met the guy a few times. He’s really nice and genuinely cares about his job from what I’ve seen. Don’t think there’s anything bad to say about him, honestly.”

He grinned, resting an arm around her shoulders.

“He’s alright, I guess.” An odd light sparkled in his eyes and he reached into his bag. He shuffled through his things for a bit and then held up a mug…

There was a picture of Ladybug on it.

“I think she’s cooler, though.”

Marinette fought the urge to bury her face in his shoulder as a blush came to her face. Ah. So this has backfired on her, apparently. All she could manage was a quiet: “Oh?”

“Yep! I think it’s really cool that she came over from Paris, because she really didn’t have to do that. No one would have said anything if she’d disappeared when Hawkmoth was defeated, but instead she decided to help Gotham!”

They were alone, now. This was great, because she didn’t need anyone else seeing her looking like a tomato. She fiddled with the Red Robin plushie in her lap for an excuse to look away.

A hand rested on her cheek and she looked up to see him. He was still a little flushed from her own compliments, but now there was a small grin playing at his lips. “Everything alright, bean? You look a little bit flushed, are you coming down with something?”

She opened her mouth to give an excuse before something struck her. Tim wasn’t stupid, she hadn’t been lying when she had said so. He couldn’t genuinely be wondering if she was sick, the smug look on his face made that obvious. So the only reason he’d be acting like this was if he was teasing her, which meant…

“You know?”

His eyes widened slightly and then flicked to the side. His hand lowered. “And I’m guessing you do, too?”

She nodded almost imperceptibly, closing her eyes. “What gave me away?”

“I was kinda suspicious during the food fight, you were a bit too good at it for a normal civvie, but I really figured it out because of the fox necklace. The one time she wears it is the one time I’ve seen you ever have it? It was just too much of a coincidence.”

She swore in French. She’d forgotten about that! She was going to start wearing the fox miraculous casually to alleviate suspicion, but Red Robin hadn’t come by much after that and she hadn’t been completely sure it was Tim.

“And how’d you figure me out?”

She hesitated. “It was obvious, honestly.”

“Damian?”

She blinked. “What? How’d you know?”

“You wouldn’t lie to protect anyone else.”

Fair enough. “Damian and I sparred, I recognized his fight style.”

He nodded and pulled her into his side a bit more.

She leaned into his touch a little bit, slinging an arm over his stomach lazily. “What do you think I should do?” She mumbled.

He didn’t bother to ask what she was talking about. “Honestly? I don’t like you going out into the field again. You’re not well…”

“But?”

“But the Rogues are unstable and I don’t like the idea of trying to fight them all off without any knowledge of what they were going to do.”

She nodded slightly. That made sense. “That’s about what I figured, too.”

“I don’t like you going out into the field again. You’re not well,” he repeated, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “The rest of them are probably going to be even more against the idea than me.”

“I’ll convince them.”

“Can you?”

Her head shot up to look at him and she bit at the inside of her cheek. He had a point, unfortunately. Jason was going to be against it, Bruce would probably be cautious of her because of his whole anti-murder thing, Dick would probably lean towards not letting her out again as well. She thought she might be able to convince Damian, but then again he was the only one who knew the full extent of what had happened over the past week.

She sighed and leaned into him again, closing her eyes. She buried her face in his shoulder. “Can you help?”

“Maybe,” he said softly, and she knew immediately that whatever he was going to say she wasn’t going to like it. “If you go to therapy regularly they’d probably be more okay with it.”

She cringed. There was that suggestion again: therapy. It was almost like she needed it or something. Still, she felt her normal excuse fall off her tongue: “What, am I supposed to tell them who I am?”

“Yep.”

She frowned.

“All of us have a regular therapist who sees us in costume and we talk about the job.”

“Will she tell Bruce everything I say?”

“Nope! She only has to tell him if we’re going to hurt ourselves or others.” He gave a short chuckle. “More than necessary, I mean.”

Marinette sighed. “But…”

Man, she was really running out of excuses now.

“It’s really the only way they’ll agree, bean.”

He was right, she just didn’t like it. She didn’t agree out loud, that would only make it feel more real. Instead, she curled into his side.

“We should probably head back to my apartment at some point. It’s going to get cold soon.”

“Yeah, probably,” he agreed quietly.

They didn’t move from where they were for a long time, content to lean into each other for warmth.

And, when they woke up the next morning, they decided to pretend they didn’t notice the giant sign over their necks that declared them under Rogue protection.

~~~

Taglist

@comet-kun @thatonecroc @trippingovermyfeet @swiftie-miraculer13 @nickristus-dreamer @moongoddesskiana @i-am-ironic @indecisive-mess-named-me @thebooki3h @insane-fangirl-of-everything @deepestobservationwombat @theymakeupfairies @fatimaabbasrizvi @clumsy-owl-4178 @fanofalittletoomuch @iamablinkmarvelarmy @nathleigh @lilkymilky @silvergold-swirl @dino-lovingreen-angel @thestressmademedoit @kissa-chan @ladybug-182 @alysrose-starchild @t1dwarrior-of-earth @spyofthenightcourt @rowanrouge @nik-nak-3 @momothefemur @aestheticnpoetic @labschaos @our-preciousss @mochinek0 @eliza-bich @mythogaychic @severelyenchantedwonderland @sashakoi @smolplantmum @bluesimani @tropestropestropes @kitsunebell @keepingupwiththemalfoys @sassakitty @2confused-2doanything @too0bsessedformyowngood @all-mights-asscheeks @demonicbusiness @meg-an-ace @fantasiame @qualitypeacepainter @multplelifes @kokotaru

<3

[summonerscenarios]

May be old school, but may I ask for 7 minutes in heaven with Wakan Tanka?

ASDFGHJKLKJH Aw man I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to write one of these BUT HERE WE ARE! This was way spicier than intended but hey that’s the aim of the game lmao.

Also let’s take a moment of silence for Kyuma whose poor room will never be the same.

------

NSFW-ish

The door clicks shut behind you and already your face feels hot. This game had started off as a joke, something brought up to pass the time because the Yoyogi students were too antsy to sleep, everyone buzzing with unspent energy from the school day. There were only a couple basic rules being tossed around for you to get a grasp on what you were all getting into, enough to convince you to join in on the fun, but you didn’t actually think about getting picked until you watched the empty soda can you guys were using as an impromptu spinner slowly come to a stop pointing directly at you. And who’d it land on next? Of course it had to be Wakan.

You at least feel better about not being crammed into a closet or cupboard for the duration- with it being too risky to find a storage room to play this game, the group had decided that emptying out one of the dorm rooms was easier than sneaking back and forth through the dorm halls. Given that Kyuma’s room was the cleanest (or wasn’t actively covered in dirty uniforms at least) Ashigara had been more than happy to volunteer it for the game - this got more than a little protest from the baseball player once he realized everyone had just mutually agreed on his behalf, but after some convincing he relented and gave you guys the go ahead to carry on, already nervously eyeing the state of his bedroom before the door even closed. 

There’s not much light in the room, only a small table lamp on a dresser providing enough light that you don’t need to bother with finding the light switch, but it definitely sets the mood. You’ve never actually been in the other’s rooms before - you’d just assumed that they all looked the same, but he’s got some cool looking posters on the wall, a couple of baseball caps and some memorabilia littered across his desk. It’s easy to get distracted taking it all in, which is when you feel a hand on your shoulder you just about scream and shoot around, looking up into Wakan’s apologetic face.

Oh yeah, you weren’t alone.

There’s faint snickering coming from outside the door, followed by a swift whack and hushed ‘Oi, shut it!’before things go quiet again. You give the door a suspicious squint before you look back at Wakan, who, all things considered, looks genuinely happy to be in the room with you. 

“So, uhhhh-” you trail off, trying to find the right words “-you have any idea where you wanna start?”

Wakan cocks his head at you, expression warm making you feel a little less awkward about the whole situation. Don’t get it wrong, you love being around him, but knowing that the rest of your friends are right outside of the door within earshot is making you more than a little nervous. The hand that’s still on your shoulder gives an affirming squeeze and you brush your fingers over it as he offers a bright smile.

“Want me to start? Here” Wakan pulls you into his arms and you don’t protest - the second you press up against him you can feel yourself relaxing. He’s the affectionate type, so you’re more than used to being pulled into impromptu hugs, but this time it feels a bit different.

Wakan’s notorious for giving good hugs, with beefy arms and his tendency to always be the last one to let go, it's hard not to feel at ease with his arms wrapped around you. One hand rubs absentmindedly at your back as you bury your face into his chest. His body’s warm to the touch feeling almost like you’re cuddling up against a heat pad, and you can't help the sigh that escapes your lips as you nuzzle against his bare chest, hands coming up to hold onto the sides of his jacket. 

You wouldn’t complain in the slightest if you ended up spending the entirety of you seven minutes like this - it would be easier to explain once the door opened back up anyways- but a part of you wants a little more.It’s been a while since you’ve been alone together (well, as alone as you can be), so, feeling emboldened, you tug at his jacket until Wakan gets the hint and leans back enough to face you. 

Taking the chance you yank him down to claim his lips, the pleasantly surprised noise he makes swallowed up as you minimize the distance between the two of you. He’s more than happy to return the gesture, kissing back and tightening his hold on you to press you further into his embrace and you mewl appreciatively at the warmth that spreads through you even hotter this time. For a brief while, you focus on the feeling of his lips pressed against yours, relishing the way he feels against you, but it’s not long before you begin to wander, grip releasing his jacket to travel up along his chest, taking care to dance your fingers across his bare skin in your journey up his body. He bristles a little when you brush along his neck, head tilting mid-kiss wondering what you’re doing when your hands reach their target.

You move up to his ears, taking them into your hands and rubbing circles into them with your thumbs and that’s what gets a reaction out of him. Wakan moans against your mouth, ears twitching in your grip and a shiver running through his body - using this advantage you run your tongue along his bottom lip before pulling him into a deeper kiss, a hum of satisfaction only eliciting further moans in response. The arms wrapped around you shift from keeping you pressed against his chest to running along your sides, broad hands lay flat against your back with no obvious destination - it’s like he’s getting a feel for your body beneath his hands despite the layers of clothes in the way, taking his time to move slowly, which from Wakan comes as a surprise. Then he does it.

Wakan Tanka scoops you up in one swift motion and you squeak in shock, your hands dropping down to brace against his arms as he holds you up with no effort at all. His arms move to rest under the crook of your knees, hands coming to cradle your ass to keep you upright and effectively pin your body to his. The two of you break apart and you gasp for air, a string of saliva still connecting you until you swallow, heat flooding through you and pooling in the pit of your stomach at the new position. Wakan’s still smiling, expression bright and warm even though you can make out his ruddy cheeks in the lamp light, and can feel the way his chest heaves with heavy pants.

The next kiss is deep, and just as passionate; even pressed flush against his body it feels like you’re not close enough, your hands coaxing him to press forward until you’re just about back to back with the wall. Like this, you can feel your blood pumping in your ears, your body growing even hotter. You’re getting worked up - you both are, if the way that his hips twitch when you arch into him is any indication - and at this rate things are going to escalate to way more than just kissing if you don’t calm down. But even with this thought in mind you want to keep kissing him; keep holding him; keep pulling and pushing until there’s nothing left between you.

Your hands dart down to the waistband of his sweatpants, fingers hooking into the fabric tugging experimentally as you pull away from the kiss, lips still hovering over his, and you look up to meet his gaze, pupils blown and eyes lidded.

“Can I?” 

“Please” he tilts his head to nuzzle into the crook of your neck, breath fanning over your. 

You need no other hint and make a move to pull his sweats over his hips, hand dipping in to squeeze his hip in an attempt to get another moan out of him.

Then, the door swings open. 

“ACK-!”

It’s like something out of a comedy skit - the door flies open and suddenly there’s a pile of your friends all tumbling over each other as they hit the floor. There’s a chorus of complaints, each of them fighting over one another to get up and you’re torn between being mortified at being caught and baffled at what’s happening.

“Gah-Ashigaraaaa, get off of me-!”

“Oi! Who opened the door?!”

“I thought you locked it!”

“Dammit, Gunzo!”

Over the group of students you can see back to where you were sitting earlier, where Kyuma, the only one not pressed right up against the door, gives you a sheepish wave, watching the whole thing unfold with secondhand embarrassment. Not knowing what else to do you wave back before you catch yourself, suddenly remembering your current position and you yank your hands back up to your chest with a jolt of panic, nudging anxiously at Wakan until you’re free enough to shift yourself into a less compromising spot.

By the time everyone’s back onto their feet you’re still being held up by Wakan, but he’s released your legs so that they hang loosely around his waist and now it just looks like he’s carrying you. You know that you’re blushing - your face feels like it’s on fire and you’re about ready for the wall to swallow you up so you can conveniently forget the past few seconds. Apparently Wakan doesn’t share your embarrassment, instead he perks up at the sight of the other Yoyogi students and smiles. 

“Oh! Has it been seven minutes already?”

“Uhh, yeah! It’s up!” Seeing the opportunity to avoid addressing the situation Durga jumps up and none too gently shoos the others out of the doorway with the heel of her foot, flashing the two of you a nervous smile before retreating back to the ring of seats you were all sat at before. 

You expect Wakan to lower you back to the floor so that you can leave the dorm room; instead, he secures his grip on you and proceeds to carry you back over to the group, practically beaming as he drops down into one of the seats and shifts about until you’re perched in his lap. His arms come to wrap around your waist, hands rubbing your stomach in a way that has you leaning into the gesture, your own hands resting on his knees as you try to turn your focus back onto the game, watching the rest of your friends as their attention turns back to the task at hand spinning the can for the next player.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #463

“the siren sings a lonely song of all the wants & hungers  /  the lust of love, a brute desire”

Describe the person that you would like to be in three years. I want my mental health to be in great condition, I really want to be in much better physical shape, ideally be living with somebody in our own place, have a job I'm happy with, have an improved social life, my own license and car... Think back to when you first met your significant other (or ex). Was your first impression of them accurate? It's funny, I honestly don't remember what my first impression of Girt was. I don't even recall our first interaction. I'm sure it was most likely that he was friendly, because he is and always has been. What is your most noticeable personality trait? Probably that I'm really, really shy. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Which of your family members do you resemble the most? I guess one of my immediate sisters? People tend to say stuff like they can definitely tell we're related. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. Who knows you better than anyone else? Hell, probably whoever reads these. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? I guess you could call dating Girt a "new chapter." I have a much, much stronger feeling of this attempt being more successful than the last now that I've been able to change my angle on how I see him. What’s the most expensive thing your car needed to get done? I don't have my own vehicle and never have. If you had a thousand dollars to spend on a pricey brand you like but can’t really afford (until now of course), which ONE brand would you choose? *shrug* Most products of highly expensive brands I find hideous anyway. Do you still talk to any of your old teachers? Yeah. One is a close family friend and actually our landlord. Does your family still use the home phone or are you all on cell phones now? We haven't had a landline is yeeeeaaarrrrsssss. Ever go to another school’s prom? No; my boyfriend went to the same school as me. Do you ever venture into the woods? What do you normally do there? No; we live in the city now. :/ When I DID live in the woods, I absolutely loved wandering around with my camera for stuff to take pics of. Does your significant other ever make you mix CDs? None ever have but omg I wish that would be adorable. How did you dress your freshman year of high school? I was one of them emo kids. Would you ever date your best friend of the opposite sex? WELP that's what I'm doing lol. Would you say you have a high sex drive or not so much? I'd call it normal? Higher sometimes, lower other times, but not to either extreme. Come with an unpopular opinion. Silent Hill: Homecoming is a great game and while there's a lot of fan service from the movie, it belongs in the series. It's actually my second (or third)-favorite installment. Most of the SH community absolutely hate that game. What’s the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? A lot of shit Colleen would say if we got into arguments. She'd ridicule effects of my depression, said I'd never know what it's like to pay my own bills, stuff like that. She's hateful as fuck and everything cut deep. What’s fake about you? Like extensions, fake nails, botox etc. Nothing physical. If you got the chance, would you audition for a reality show? No. Have you ever gotten into a Facebook fight? More than once. What’s the cheesiest thing you’ve ever experienced irl? Hm, I'm unsure. Favorite flavor of jelly bean? Probably watermelon. Do you use Tinder? If yes, have you ever met up with someone you matched? No. You do you, but if I understand Tinder correctly, it just seems... really shallow to me. Like don't you JUST see their picture to decide if you're interested or not? It just enforces the false belief that appearance really matters in love. You just poured your heart out to your crush and all he/she does is respond “k”. What do you respond/do? Well, I don't have a crush anymore; my boyfriend and I literally exchanged "I love you"s last night. That's not a crush. But for the sake of the question, I'll imagine I was single and this happened, in which case I would be both hurt and annoyed. Like, either tell me you return the feelings or not. It's not hard. What's your favorite thing to order from McDonald’s? I usually get a quarter pounder w/ cheese or a McDouble, occasionally with a small or medium fry, depending on how hungry I am. When do you feel your sexiest? Never, hunny. What's your favorite emoji? I don't really have one? It just depends on what the situation calls for. What’s your skincare routine? I don't really have one... I just use a washcloth to clean my face. Who all out of your immediate family smokes? My dad and stepmom. Do you like incense or candles better? Incense, totally. Do you respect your parents? Yeah. What’s your bf/gf’s name? It's technically Donald Jr., but since high school, I've known him as Girt, a nickname I won't explain for his privacy. Do you wear glasses? Yeah. Do you like The Beatles? I honestly don't. Except "Hey, Jude." What was the last reason you got excited? Last night. When we were saying goodbye, I was scared to, but I told Girt I loved him, and he immediately said it back confidently. My heart did like five flips. I'm still over the moon about it. Yes, we just got back together, but we've been in each other's lives as a constant since HS, and after changing my angle of how I looked at him, it's not at all platonic anymore. Do you know anyone who drinks the pickle juice from the jar? Sara does alskdjfklwejrl;er Name something crazy that’s happened recently? Uhhhh... I dunno. My life is very uneventful to have something really "crazy" happen. Can you say for a fact that you’re happy right now? I'm happy about some things, but also nervous and self-doubtful. Have you ever zip lined? No, but they look fun. I'd just be really scared of losing my grip. If you broke your computer, would you be able to fix it on your own? Ha, no. Have you ever been on a boat and got sick? No, but the one time I was at the beach and on a boat riding to an island, I was TERRIFIED I was going to get sick because of the waves. I didn't, thankfully. Did you sleep well last night? For the most part. My new mask might just be working. Do your parents try and plan your life for you? Not at all. Do you have any pictures of you kissing someone? Yes. List two things about yourself that you find embarrassing. My weight and how dark my leg hair is. Do you like to cuddle with your pet when you are sad? Yes. Do you find piercing attractive or unattractive? h o t Do you have any secret hiding spots in your room? To put money, yes. Do you like parmesan cheese on your spaghetti? Ew, no. I don't like parmesan. Does your best girl friend have any talents that you don’t? Yeah. She can animate well, for one. And sing like a fucking champ. Do you have any video game systems in your room? Which one(s)? My Nintendo DS Lite is in here. Well, and my laptop is a gaming one. What color eyes does the last person you kissed have? ... Oh WOW I've known this man for a fuckin decade and somehow I'm not sure??? But I want to say light blue? Have you ever taken a ride in a helicopter? No. Have you ever visited hot springs? No. How slowly or quickly would you say you eat? I'm aware I eat too fast, because my mom will point it out almost without fail if we eat in sight of each other. I'm not a messy eater at all, just... fast. Chewing your food and swallowing isn't a complex task. I've made active efforts to slow down, I just haven't been able to succeed. It doesn't feel normal. That and I've come to discover that when I chew food TOO much, I don't like the mushy texture of it in my mouth. What did you do the last time you were with friends? Yesterday Girt and I planned to watch shitty Netflix anime for some laughs, but we wound up starting Attack on Titan, which I am officially pretty into. What kind of cologne/perfume do you like the opposite sex to wear? I don't care if they wear any or not, so long as they know how to clean themselves and therefore not actually smell bad. If you celebrate Christmas, do you get a real tree or an artificial tree? We always use a fake one. Is there someone who means a lot to you but they don’t know that? My sisters probably don't, really... Is money important to you? Live your whole life poor and I want to see you answer "no" to this. Have you ever watched a meteor shower? No. Do you like Slim Jims? LOOOOOOOVE them. Would you rather write a mystery or love story? Love story. Are you muscular? No. Working for it. Do you have one of those removable hand-held shower heads? Yes. Originally, this house didn't, but I hated it so much that Mom bought one. How many burners does your stove have? Four. Has your car ever been broken into? Mom's hasn't.

[saiki-in-jsl]

No Powers Saiki AU (3k)

Where he also has anxiety and selective mutism. (But also, nobody has powers. And that volcano issue never happens because I SAID SO.)

Uhm uhhhh, in no way am I a doctor, so this may not be very accurate. Sorry!!

TW: Panic attack, I don’t think this one needs a skip so I’ll just leave it as that (but if you need one, tell me :eyes:)

Also on my ao3!

Also well shit, I do like myself some good Kusuo and Akechi friendship :,)

Also also, ugggghhhhhh, the italics stuff don’t go through when I copy and paste from my docs rip. This is why I prefer ao3 more (and because their tagging system is HEAVENLY) so if you wanna read with all them proper italics I suggest switching to my ao3

ALSO ALSO ALSO, RIGHT WHEN I FINISHED THIS, I DISCOVERED ASL AND JSL ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SO D A R N H E C K I’M SORRY. I did a big oopsie,,,let’s,,,pretend that asl,,,is,,default,,?

Saiki Kusuo was not your typical boy.

Since he was young, it had been painfully obvious that he was a gifted child, surpassing his brother by intelligence and strength. This had drawn many curious scientists to him, and after several tests that went on for hours and hours, he finally broke. He stopped talking and he stopped wanting to be around people.

His mother, equally as tired of the scientists as her son was, decided to hide his identity away from the public, constantly moving from location to location to avoid the people who knew of her son’s abilities.

This barely helped with Kusuo’s social development as a child, so the more he moved, the more he decided that he would much rather live in an isolated world than a world filled with people with prying eyes and loud mouths.

He did make a friend once though, but it barely lasted due to unforeseen circumstances that involved a few beat up bullies, and it had surprisingly hurt when he had to move away again. Akechi was his first real friend, and realizing that he won’t be seeing him again felt weird.

As much as he loved being alone, a friend would’ve been nice.

So the night before they moved away, he had pushed open his parents’ door, gripping his pajama top tightly, and whispered really really softly to his mother, “Mama. Will I ever make a friend?”

It was the first time he had spoken in a very long time, in fact, his mother couldn’t remember the last time he had spoken to her without pointing and hand gestures. So predictably, she cried and hugged him tight, mumbling how sorry she was for ruining his chance at making a friend, too caught up with trying to avoid those nosey scientists.

Middle school went by like a blur, aside from the occasional school switch that still happened, yet not as often as elementary. He didn’t remember a single thing that happened during those school days, maybe a few anxiety attacks in the bathroom and a sad attempt at trying to socialize, but that was it. Maybe it really was easier to be alone, at least he wouldn’t have to worry about losing his breathing from the sheer amount of stress he got from the assembly hall.

Highschool came and Kusuo had a new plan: Accept that having friends are not necessary and speaking with your mouth is dumb. 

He quickly learnt how to use ASL, much preferring that language over vocally speaking, and made sure his grades were as average as possible. He had excelled through middle school and elementary school like it was nothing, but it had led him to be placed on stage many times because of this. So no more of that, because that was a recipe for disaster to him.

Kusuo made sure everything was in perfect place before heading to school. He made sure the school knew about his condition, and he also made sure to let them know he didn’t want to be publicly known as the school’s “mute kid”, so he’d definitely blend in without an issue.

Kusuo couldn’t believe what was happening. He hadn’t even fully registered his first year of highschool properly and his second year was already here. 

To start off, he had friends, something he did not expect to have. He could predict many things, the weather, what people were thinking, and if he tried hard enough, he could even predict who would walk by his classroom in the next second. But he did not see this one coming.

He didn’t even know how. Nendou was a dunce who went from copying his homework to hanging around and inviting him out for ramen and Kaidou was a chuunibyou who thought Kusuo’s hand gestures was some sort of secret language and ended up perceiving Kusuo as some ally to Jet Black Wings.

Yumehara, for no reason other than the fact that Kusuo looked cute, decided she was meant to be with him. A lot of effort was taken to avoid her, but just as she lost interest in him, the class- no, the world’s idol decided she’d have a crush on him too. Then there was the class representative, Hairo, who constantly screamed and moved and how does he not get tired? 

Then there was Kuboyasu, Toritsuka, Aiura, and so many people it made his head spin.

But they all had one thing in common when they communicated with him, and that was the fact that they all thought he was deaf. Granted, people who use ASL were commonly deaf, so he wasn’t blaming them for assuming so, and it did help him a little since this made them talk less around him and gave him a good excuse for ignoring them half the time.

Two years he spent in this highschool, and not once had he fired rapid ASL before. He never got the chance to, and he didn’t have much care for doing so. Mostly because most of the people around him didn’t even understand sign language.

But sometimes, listening to Toritsuka talk on and on about some cute girl could really put you on edge. Especially when he kept egging Kusuo on about the type of girls he liked.

The thing was, Kusuo didn’t like romance. He liked observing it and the idea of it, but he would never want to be a part of it. Frankly enough, he didn’t find any joy in it, he much preferred a life of solitude.

“C’mon, I know you can understand me, Saiki,” Toritsuka poked, grinning widely. “What kind of girls are you into? Or perhaps are into boys? Seriously, tell me, maybe we can go on a double date sometime. What about Teruhashi--“

Kusuo scowled, taking a step back and suddenly flying into fast ASL that roughly translated to several insults and long explanations as to why Kusuo wasn’t going to tell him. Toritsuka only blinked in surprise, because he swore he just saw the middle finger between those fast hand gestures, and he took a step back, raising his hands in defeat.

“Relax! Alright!” Toritsuka said, dropping the subject for good. “Next time fling me a note or something, that is seriously intimidating!”

Kusuo winced, feeling the third piece of paper Kaidou had just flung at him hit his head. This had been going on for the whole period, and Kusuo wondered why the teacher hadn’t noticed it yet. Most of the notes Kaidou sent weren’t serious anyways, and clearly not worth writing back to him.

He barely understood the references the boy was making anyways. 

“How about we hang out after school? Do you like cake?” The last note read.

Kusuo smiled softly. “Yes, I do like cake.” He wrote, and with ease, he strategically threw it back so it would land perfectly on Kaidou’s table.

Being around Teruhashi was not ideal at all, because wherever she went, many people would follow. Kusuo hated crowds more than anything, it made his throat close up and his face a little sweaty, though his facial expression would never express his discomfort.

It would always remain blank and devoid of emotions.

Which always peaked Teruhashi’s interest. She found it a challenge to make the “deaf” kid who barely spoke gasp at her beauty, it would be a mighty achievement, yet no matter how hard she tried, it just never worked, which only pushed her to try harder. It resulted in her falling in love with him, unfortunately.

“Saiki does have a cute face though,” Teruhashi mumbled under her breath right as she walked along with Kusuo. She assumed he couldn’t hear her, so she regularly said things like those quietly to herself whenever he wasn’t looking her way. He appreciated the compliment at times, but sometimes, they do get a little creepy.

Nendou probably didn’t understand the idea of deaf people, or perhaps he thought his idea was pretty smart. Either ways, Kusuo sometimes couldn’t understand why he had to shout at him to communicate.

Did Nendou think deaf people just had very very poor hearing? Probably. But it often got annoying when they were in public places, and Kusuo couldn’t even tell him to quiet down because he couldn’t tell when exactly he was actually shouting.

Both his shouting and talking volume were around the same range.

But, it was rather nice of him to go out of his way to learn a bit of sign language just so he wouldn’t have to shout at Kusuo anymore. It was actually pretty nice having an ASL buddy.

Note to self, do not use ASL around Kuboyasu too much. He will and can mistake them as gang signs and get either sappy or angry. Kusuo said in his head as he watched Kuboyasu stare off into the distance with his fists clenched, reminiscing about his gang days.

Several times Kusuo had mistaken Hairo’s sad attempt at ASL as actual words and once spent half an hour straight wondering why the boy had signed refrigerator geese to him during that dodgeball game.

Saiko had once walked up to him and declared that whatever “nonsense” Kusuo was going to sign, he’d know right away what they would mean. At first, Kusuo found it hard to believe that the rich boy had taken time to learn ASL within his one day of being in this school, but as it turned out, all Saiko did was hire a translator to follow him around to translate Kusuo’s words.

That was possibly the most amount of effort he’d ever seen from Saiko, and it was good enough.

Kusuo wondered if learning ASL had magically made him more attractive. Aiura would not leave him alone, with her blonde hair, tanned skin, overly accessorized things, and bubbly personality. She wasn’t like Teruhashi, who attracted more men than Kusuo could count on his fingers, so she wasn’t as annoying to be around with.

But then again, she was more forward than Teruhashi too, so it didn’t make her more appealing either.

Seeing Akechi again resurfaced too many feelings. He hadn’t really realized how much he missed his first friend, but then again, the same boy was probably very aware of Kusuo’s high intelligence and may accidentally reveal his secret with that blabbering mouth of his.

Though, Kusuo had to admit, Akechi hadn’t changed one bit since the last time he saw him. Besides the haircut of course, and some other details, like how good he was at deducting now.

Being around Akechi was always strangely comforting back then, there was just something about listening to him talk that made Kusuo feel comfortable. You could say his talking was like white noise to Kusuo.

“Why does everyone assume you’re deaf? You’re not deaf, you just don’t like talking a lot, right? Why don’t you tell them that? Is it because you find it easier to pretend to be deaf? I can understand that, you were always really quiet, which was nice because you were a great listener too. I never found out why you up and left our elementary school without saying goodbye, but you were crazy sma--” Okay, that was when Kusuo made him stop talking, and Akechi took this as a hint to keep it a secret. There was a pause before Kusuo finally signed something to him.

Sorry. 

“Nothing to apologize! I don’t think it was your fault anyways, but your plan worked like a charm honestly,” Akechi smiled. “I hope you missed me, because I know I missed you. We have a lot of catching up to do, I’ll start! So basically…”

Kusuo did. He really did miss him.

A play. Their class was doing a play.

After all that effort of trying to stay off the stage, he still couldn’t avoid it.

He’d feel bad if he didn’t show up to contribute, so he definitely couldn’t just ditch them. The most he could do was play a background role, but even then he’d still be painfully aware that he would be in front of the whole school, and he just couldn’t handle that.

But seeing everyone giving their all to make this play work, Kusuo couldn’t help but join along, regardless of his own condition.

Practice for the play went smoothly, and he found himself being able to cope with it. All he did was sway around like seaweed, since that was his role, and then walk off when his scene ends. Easy, nothing too complicated, he would be fine.

Until Saiko got his sensitive feelings hurt and decided to pull their budget on literally everything, including the costumes. Now, Kusuo couldn’t care less about that issue if it weren’t for the fact that; if the other cast didn’t have their costumes, they wouldn’t stand out as much, and there’d be a higher chance of the audience staring at him.

Yet there wasn’t much time to do last minute preparations for props and clothing, so everyone was encouraged to try their best in making their own costumes before the deadline. Kusuo predicted that no one would actually follow through, and for once, he wished he was wrong.

Apparently he didn’t wish hard enough, because that was exactly what had happened during the play. Everyone mostly came in their gym clothes, some with small props to make it look like they’ve tried, and some who just didn’t do anything at all.

When Kusuo’s scene finally came up, he and the rest of the people who played as seaweed scrambled onto stage, making waving motions with their arms to simulate seaweed underwater. Things went well for the most part, Kusuo did as practiced and waved around just like his other seaweed playing classmates, but the longer he stayed, the more aware he became.

Eyes, everywhere, in front of him, staring too hard, too long. Their mouths are moving, but he can’t hear what they’re saying, it was like they were on the other end of a glass wall. Were they talking about him among themselves? 

Had it always been this warm on stage? Was it normal for his hands to shake? Was he breathing? He didn’t remember exhaling, nor inhaling. His throat went dry, his whole body rigid from...fear?

Someone was pushing him, someone else was pulling him, but he can’t properly grasp what was happening. 

The world went a bit blurry before he completely went dark.

Kusuo woke up in the nurse’s office, body aching and throat dry. He wondered how long it took for him to wake up, but depending on the sun outside, it may have been an hour or so. He sat up slowly, groaning slightly from the pain, before suddenly being attacked by a hug from a familiar person.

“Pal! You’re okay,” Nendou cheered, finally pulling away from the hug to double check on his friend. He lifted his hands, proceeding to sign to him, You just suddenly fell over after they pulled you off stage.

My bad, Kusuo signed back tiredly. Sorry.

“What’d he say?” Kaidou nudged Nendou. Did he really have to ask? It was quite obvious.

“He says he’s fine.” Nendou answered, completely leaving out Kusuo’s apology, which he found strangely comforting yet offensive.

“He literally had a panic attack on stage, what do you mean he’s fine?” Kaidou argued, then he looked over at Kusuo with a deeper frown. “Why didn’t you tell us you were having an attack?”

“He wasn't being attacked,” Nendou said blankly.

“A panic attack, it’s different,” Kaidou huffed. “Saiki, not to be intrusive, but do you have anxiety?”

Did...he? He honestly never thought about it properly. Sure, he did have anxiety attacks every now and then when he was a kid, but this was the first one he had after a long time, so he never really considered he might’ve had anxiety.

Actually, it was starting to all make sense to him now that he thought about it.

“I’m going to take that as a yes but you didn’t know,” Kaidou said slowly, concern laced in his tone. It made sense that Kaidou would know, it did seem like he used to have the same issue.

“Oh for sure, can’t you tell from the way his eyes had widened just now by half a centimetre?” Akechi piped up from behind. 

Good freaking grief.

He knew his mother didn’t trust doctors, but Kusuo really needed to see one after literally fainting in school. Not only that, it wasn’t his first time having an attack either, this was just the first time it had gotten this bad.

Sitting in a psychiatrist's waiting room felt odd, because it seemed a lot more homey than a regular doctor’s waiting room, with paintings hung on the walls and carpeted floor. He wasn’t particularly nervous, but he knew his mother was, because the hand she was using to hold onto him was shaking.

It’ll be okay, he reassured, squeezing his mother’s hand tight.

And it was okay. The lady was really nice to him, gentle and understanding, she barely pried and most of the questions she asked were pretty normal. She was a little surprised to learn that Kusuo could speak, but not in a way that was obvious, only Kusuo could tell that she was.

Communication with her was sorta slow. He had to type onto his notes app on his phone for her to read to answer her questions instead of hand signing, which he didn’t really mind all that much.

His mother, who had been waiting outside for them to be done, immediately got up when Kusuo was finished and asked several questions, one being: Did he need to take medication now?

Fortunately enough, it seemed like his case wasn’t too severe yet, mostly because he could still handle being around people without an issue, so he didn’t need to take any meds for now. Although his selective mutism was pretty serious, it wasn’t too bad either in his case, due to the fact that Kusuo spoke through sign language rather than verbally, so he wasn’t completely mute per se.

He came back next week, and the next, and many more weeks after that. He really liked this therapy thing.

“So your friends think you’re deaf, so you’re using that as an excuse to ignore them sometimes?”

Oh, when she put it like that, it just made him sound like an asshole. But yeah, he pretty much was doing that.

“Is there a particular reason why?”

Kusuo drummed his fingers on his lap. There were many reasons why, but those reasons had long lost their meaning. At first, it was because he didn’t want any friends, but now that he did have friends, there wasn’t any reason for him to keep following them through. No matter how many times he told himself he didn’t like them, they were still his friends.

“And why do you not want any friends?”

“Making friends was hard, keeping friends was hard, and losing them was even harder.” Kusuo typed out. “I guess I stopped trying. But then they started coming to me, and it was weird because I had already accepted it.”

“So you got scared?”

She could say that.

She uncrossed her legs, only to cross them back moments later, and adjusted her glasses, leaning forward, “It’s okay to feel scared about losing your friends, but if you’re going to push everyone who wants to be with you away, then how are you going to know if they’ll truly leave you? There’s nothing wrong with wanting space, but people do need other people to survive.”

One of the many things he did like about his friends was the fact that they all knew he enjoyed sweets. It was pretty obvious that he did, with the way his face would smile softly and soften at the taste of coffee jelly.

Surprisingly, they never notice that he’d much rather be left alone. Either that, or they don’t care.

It was a small outing event, they were mainly just eating and talking, but also trying their best to include Kusuo as much as possible, even though he didn’t mind being left alone with his coffee jelly and cakes.

“Man, I feel bad not including Saiki in conversations sometimes,” Kaidou mumbled, assuming Kusuo didn’t know what he had just said because he wasn’t reading Kaidou’s lips. “Since it’s hard to talk to him sometimes.”

“I’m sure we’re trying our best,” Teruhashi beamed, making Kaidou flush red.

“We should probably just learn sign language like Nendou did.” Kaidou hummed, rolling a fork between his thumb and finger. “It’d be a lot easier.” Though possibly soul crushing for him, considering Kaidou had cram school and such already on his schedule.

“Sounds fun,” Kuboyasu commented. “I’d be down. Maybe we can surprise him.” Oh that was just too much, too nice, Kusuo didn’t even know what he did to earn this much love.

Nendou snorted, grinning widely as he pumped his fist on his chest, “I can teach you all!”

“That would save a lot of money.”

Kusuo stopped eating, a rare sight to see despite him being undisturbed, and he placed his spoon down. Everyone stopped talking, looking over at him in confusion before he finally opened his mouth, surprising them even more.

“I can hear you,” Kusuo managed out. “I always could.”

Teruhashi was the first to react, eyes widening and her face turning bright red. All those comments she muttered, he had heard them all.

Nendou blinked, smiling widely with his arms spread wide, “Congratulations on learning how to hear, pal!” Not quite there, but appreciated.

“Uh, uhm, OF COURSE! I knew the whole time,” Kaidou flashed a charming grin, which would’ve worked if it weren’t for the awkward pose he was doing.

Kuboyasu only stared, and drank his tea, “Oh. Well.”

“Sorry.” Then Kusuo paused, and raised his hands to sign. Felt more comfortable being like this, but you all are too nice to me. So the least I could do was tell you the truth. I don’t talk because I have selective mutism.

Nendou translated for them, and they all softened hearing this. Kusuo pressed his back against the booth seat and fiddled with his spoon before taking another bite. That felt easy, and weight lifting. Now that they know, he didn’t have to feel so bad about them going out of their way to do things for him just because they thought he was deaf.

“Of course I knew from the beginning,” Akechi boasted slightly, eyeing Aiura and Toritsuka with a smug grin. Aiura rolled her eyes at him, but pointed at Kusuo with a narrowed look.

“So you, like, could hear us the whole time,” she confirmed with him again. “I always thought you were just stupid smart, or something, at figuring things out despite not being able to hear, y’know?” Well, she wasn’t wrong about the smart part.

“That is so annoying!” Toritsuka blurted. “You’re annoying! Jeez! Would’ve been so much easier! Did you not tell us because you want an excuse to ignore us?” Kusuo recounted the number of times he avoided Toritsuka running towards him from behind, pretending he couldn’t hear him.

He proceeded to shake his head, very very slowly.

“He’s lying, by the way,” Akechi whispered. Kusuo clicked his tongue at that, earning himself a cheeky grin from Akechi.

Well that was that, now they all knew Kusuo wasn’t some deaf kid, even though that info might’ve spread throughout the school, which he really couldn’t care less about.

It was really nice, though, having friends he could trust.

[lakesandquarries]

Jump the Fence Part Two: Ghost Out Of His Grave

chapter one: ghost in your house

summary: Benrey and Gordon adapt to living together. Some days are better than others.

notes: series title from “jump the fence” by mother mother. this part and the chapters within it are named after “ghosting” by mother mother. this chpater may seem familiar! i technically posted it before but i’m reuploading since it’s now part of a series.

AO3 link

It’s early when Gordon wakes up. Or late, depending on how you look at it. The sky outside is dark, with a faint glow that means the sun is about to rise. When he looks at his alarm clock it reads just past 6:30

If he really wanted, he could go back to sleep. But Benrey was acting weird last night, and Gordon was a little... concerned. Benrey had only been living with Gordon for a few days but he had gotten a decent idea of what they were like. Last night, he’d been all...jumpy, distracted, quiet. He’d barely spoken to Gordon, hadn’t eaten, didn’t even seem interested in the Mario game he was playing. Gordon had watched him fail the same stage 4 times in a row. 

He’s not worried about them. It’s just, when your roommate is some kind of eldritch horror, you gotta pay attention when they seem off. 

Gordon stumbles out of his room with eyes still bleary, glasses clutched in one hand, and almost walks straight into Benrey. “You’re up early,” he says, rubbing his eyes until his vision comes into focus. Benrey looks slightly dazed, standing in the middle of the living room with...hold on. 

“Is that my backpack?”

“Uhhhhhhhh. Nope.”

“Don’t fuckin lie to me, man, that’s mine. What’re you doing with it?”

Benrey just keeps staring. Their pupils are huge in the dim lighting, round like a cats. They have the same weird glow, too. Gordon squints his eyes at them, folding his arms. Finally, they say, “I was just gonna leave.”

Oh, goddamnit. “Dude, it’s 6 am. Where exactly are you planning on going?”

“Uh. Y’know. Out.”

“I don’t know, actually,” Gordon says. He’s trying his best to keep his tone even, but he can’t help the bit of anger that slips out. What the fuck is Benrey playing at here?

Benrey sings a bubble of pale gray sweet voice, followed by an assortment of clear. Fuck, Gordon wishes he knew what that meant. He’ll have to ask Tommy later. Benrey is still quiet otherwise, and Gordon sighs. “Benrey,” he says, gentler. “What’s going on?”

Benrey huffs, looking away and adjusting his hat. “’m sick of waiting,” they mumble, barely intelligible. 

“W - Waiting for what?”

The perpetual shadow over his eyes seems to get darker, somehow. “Y’know,” they say again, and this time Gordon explodes.

“I don’t! I don’t know fucking anything because you won’t talk to me! All you do is sit around playing video games and being fucking cryptic and now you’re trying to sneak out at 6 in the goddamn morning!”  His fists have found their way into his hair, gripping tightly. 

More of those clear bubbles slip out, then black to a dark red. “I’m n - I’m not supposed to be here,” Benrey says, voice flat. “I’m - you killed me.”

Gordon winces at the reminder. “Yeah, well, you got my arm chopped off, so -”

“‘m not mad,” they add quickly. “‘s just how things had to go. But, uh, I’m not…” he trails off, making an obnoxious lip smacking noise. “I don’t have my passport for this area.”

Gordon sighs. “Since when do you care?”

“Mmb,” Benrey says. “Uhhhh.” More of the red bubbles. “Why’re you so mad about this?”

“Why am I mad about you trying to leave in the middle of the night?”

“Yeah. I thought you, uh, hated me and everything.”

“I -” Gordon sighs, rubbing his temples. Yelling’s not gonna help here, if he wants to understand what the hell is happening. He forces his voice to sound calm, or at least as calm as he can manage. Deep breaths, he thinks, his new mantra when dealing with Benrey. “It’s more complicated than that, man.” Honestly, he doesn’t hate Benrey as much as he used to. He doesn’t like him, but…he’s not the worst roommate, and he’s a lot less antagonistic now. He’s followed all of Gordon’s rules and been almost a non-presence in the house.  “I mean, we’ve never even talked about…everything.”

“I got your arm chopped off,” Benrey says. 

“Yeah, and I’m still pissed about that. But you haven’t done anything like that here.” 

“Sooo can I go now?”

“What? No!” God, he’s exhausting to talk to. “Why do you wanna leave?”

He smacks his lips again, looking at the floor. “‘s easier than waiting to get kicked out,” they say. 

Gordon rubs his temples again. “I’m not gonna kick you out -”

Benrey looks up at him, eyes narrowed. “You - I - you’re the, the main character. I’m the uh…the bad guy. Duh,” and then he starts humming what Gordon thinks is supposed to be Bad Guy by Billie Eilish. “Right? You beat me. Kill the bad guy, win the game. But now, uh…shit’s all fuck. Bad guy respawned.” He shoots Gordon a wry, tired smile. “So, game’s not over, right? Game, uh….new stage. But you, you’re still the good guy. Fucking, little plumber man Mario. Princess is in another castle, gotta beat Bowser again. Just cause it’s a new stage doesn’t mean Mario and Bowser are gonna be bros. Right?”

He’s about to yell at Benrey for not making any sense when it clicks. “Are - do you think I’m gonna try to kill you again?”

Benrey shrugs, looking away, pulling his hat down over his face.

“Benrey,” Gordon says, trying his best to sound gentle. “I’m not - I only killed you cause you were trying to kill me! I said I wasn’t gonna try to kill you again!”

“I wasn’t actually gonna do it,” Benrey mutters. He shoves his hands in his pockets, hunching over.

“Then why the hell were you shooting at me!” Gordon yells, nearly hitting himself with his wild gesturing.

Benrey lets out a snort, almost a laugh but too…tired. Almost sad, if that’s an emotion Benrey can actually feel. “Game’s gotta have a villain,” he says.

“Stop being fucking cryptic and just say what you mean for once,” Gordon demands. “You were trying to kill me. You got my arm cut off. Why?”

Benrey sighs. “Game’s gotta have a villain,” he repeats. “Doesn’t matter if...if Bowser wants to fuckin, uh, become a chef or something. He’s gotta kidnap the princess. Even if he spends the whole game hanging out with Mario, he’s still…he’s still the bad guy.”

It’s not really any more comprehensible, but, well, that's Benrey. Gordon doesn’t think it’s physically possible for him to be straightforward. The meaning is clear enough, anyway.

“”So you...didn’t wanna be the villain?”

They shrug, trying so hard to seem casual and uncaring, but their expression gives it away. There’s a glint in their eyes, a spark that’s usually missing. 

“So then what was with everything else? If you didnt wanna be the villain why were you such an asshole the whole time?”

“Thought it’d be easier.” Their shoulders tense up, eyes softening. Maybe sad is an emotion Benrey feels. Maybe Gordon’s been wrong all this time. “Be hard to kill someone you like, right? You’d do something stupid.”

“So, what, you got my arm cut off so I’d be mad at you? I was pissed before that.”

“I didn’t think they were gonna fuck you up that bad. And it wasn’t - it wasn’t s’pposed to be real.” Yellow eyes dart around, looking at anything but Gordon.

“The fuck does that mean?”

“It was just a game. It wasn’t real. You’re just, you were just some dude playing a video game, right? When Mario gets punched it’s like, whatever. The guy playing doesn’t care. If he gets punched enough though maybe he’ll just like...give up. Bowser gets to, uh, release the princess and go fuck around. I didn’t...'s supposed to just be a game over when Mario gets beat up. Load save.”

“And what about the boss shit at the end? Where you were, y’know, trying to kill me?”

A flicker of emotion flashes over Benrey’s face, before he goes back to his usual deadpan stare. “Uhhhhhh. Bow -”

Gordon shakes his head, “No, no more of that fucking Mario metaphor. Just - can you just talk like a normal person for five minutes?”

“Nah.”

Gordon wants to tear his hair out. He pinches his nose, taking a deep breath, and then another, until he feels like he can speak without trying to beat the shit out of Benrey. “Just. Answer the question. Why did you try to kill me?”

“I don’t remember?”

“Are you fucking with me right now?”

“No!” Benrey says, something close to offense in his voice, like he's actually hurt Gordon doesn’t believe him, but then he drops right back into that tired tone he usually has. “It was all...fuzzy. TV static, but like, in my head? And nothing, uh, nothing was like….real. I just….” he shrugs, picking at his nails. “‘I’m just vibing, bro.” Gordon takes another deep breath, cleaning his fists and preparing to say something, but Benrey presses on. “I tried to turn back. Before we went in, I told you, we had to go back. You didn’t listen.”

“Of course I didn’t listen!” He throws his arms up in the air in sheer exasperation. “You’d been saying nothing but bullshit up until then! How do I know this isn’t more bullshit, huh? How do I know you’re not just - trying to get me to let my guard down, so you can actually kill me?”

Benrey makes a low noise, accompanied by a handful of brownish-blue bubbles. “‘m not,” he mutters. “I didn’t - I don’t wanna be bad.” The shadow over his eyes is black now, the yellow of his eyes unsettlingly dim. 

“Then why not fucking say something?”

“Couldn’t.” 

Gordon raises an eyebrow. “And why’s that?”

“It’s like - uh -” They smack their lips again. “Like a fucking, uh, dam. The thing beavers make. Beaver can’t get through.”

At least he’s dropped the Mario metaphor. “Okay. So. Let me recap. You…didn’t want to be the villain, you were trying to get me to...quit? And when that didn’t work, you intentionally pissed me off so I’d kill you at the end ‘cause you couldn’t actually say what was going on.”

“Basically, yeah.”

Well, fuck. When Gordon says it out loud like that it’s…actually kinda sad. 

No. No! He’s not gonna start feeling bad for fucking Benrey of all people. Gordon balls his fists, pushing down every stupidly sympathetic emotion he’s having. “Okay. Let’s backtrack a bit. Why are you telling me all this?”

Benrey shrugs. “Got tired of waiting for you to kill me.”

“I already said, I’m not -”

Benrey glitches. His face disappears for a second, replaced by a cracked and decayed skull, and then suddenly he’s normal again. A shriek tears its way out of Gordon as he backs away from them, almost slamming into the wall. For a second he’s back in Xen, watching Benrey’s massive form glitch and deform, and then he shakes his head and reminds himself that he’s in his apartment and Benrey is at least the size of a human being. “What the hell was that?”

“How come you don’t believe me but I’m supposed to believe you? Huh? Gordon got trust issues? Gordon skeptic man?”

“I think I’ve got more than enough reasons to have fucking trust issues, man!” He’s still pressed against the wall, hands curling into fists. 

“But Benrey’s gotta trust you. Benrey’s not allowed to be scared.”

“Are you saying you’re fucking afraid of me?”

Benrey’s Sweet Voice is high pitched and vaguely dark, like a bubble made of shadows. Gordon can’t translate, but it feels like a yes.

“You know what? I think I’m okay with that.” Gordon peels himself off the wall, stepping closer to Benrey, holding out his prosthetic hand. “Now you get how I felt the entire fucking time we were in Black Mesa.”

The bubbles get darker, a deep, almost dripping black. “‘m sorry,” Benrey mumbles.

Gordon blinks. “What?”

They repeat themself, louder this time. “I’m sorry. For. Uh. Everything?”

The only thing Gordon can think to say is, “What the fuck?”

“I’m tryna be nice!” Benrey says. He’s pouting. Like a little kid or some shit. “It’s called an apology, bro.”

“I know what a fucking apology is! I just wasn’t expecting one from you, of all people!”

“I don’t wanna be bad,” Benrey says quietly. “Can I go now?”

“What?” Fuck, with everything else they’ve been...arguing about, Gordon forgot this whole thing started because Benrey was trying to leave. “No!”

Benrey opens his mouth, looking like he’s about to say something, but all that comes out is Sweet Voice. A lot of Sweet Voice. Black to red, gray to clear, dripping black, translucent dark, swirling around him until Gordon can’t even see Benrey under all the bubbles. When they fade...Benrey’s still standing there, and he’s crying.

Gordon’s never seen him cry before.

“I don’t wanna be bad,” Benrey says again. “This was supposed to be my chance to be not bad.” They scrub at their eyes, turning away from Gordon. “This - this is sucks.”

Fuck.

He doesn’t want to feel bad. He doesn’t want to feel sympathetic. Benrey spent the entire time they were in Black Mesa trying to fuck with Gordon, and a few tears don’t erase that.

But.

“I believe you,” Gordon says. Benrey turns back around.

“Wha?”

“I believe you,” Gordon says again. “That you didn’t wanna...do everything that you did.” He pauses, closing his eyes for a second. “And - I’m sorry too.”

Benrey stares. Does not blink. Continues to not blink as the silence drags on, until Gordon feels like he has to say something else.

“I kinda...assumed you were a piece of shit from the beginning. Didn’t really give you a chance, I guess. So. I’m sorry for all of that, and for the whole, killing you thing.”

“You don’t gotta apologize for that,” Benrey mumbles. He’s still not blinking, eyes wide. “Uh. Thanks.” 

“And - if you really wanna leave…” Gordon sighs. He still doesn’t trust Benrey, not in the way he trusts Tommy and Dr. Coomer and even Bubby. But. “I’m not gonna stop you.”

“If I stay are you gonna…be less mad? Less Gordon Angy Momence?”

“I’ll - I’ll try.”

“I, uh. I think I’ll stay.”

“I’m gonna -” Fuck, he’d been planning on getting up before this. He’d been all ready to start his day. Yeah, fuck that. “I’m gonna go back to sleep.”

“Gordon sleepman,” Benrey says, nodding his head. He taps his fingers together. “Hey,” he says, holding his hands up. “You wanna. Uh. Hug?”

He’s not even gonna try to understand what’s happening now. “You know what? Sure.” He steps forward and lets Benrey wrap his arms around him, and after a moment, wraps his around them. It’s…not entirely unpleasant. Benrey is a good bit shorter than Gordon, so with them leaning in against his chest he ends up with his head perched on theirs, hat scratching his chin a bit. Benrey’s arms are thick and strong, and the way he’s holding Gordon should be terrifying but somehow it’s not.

He steps back after a minute, scrubbing at his face again. “Cool. Uh. Poggers,” Benrey says, and Gordon rolls his eyes but he’s smiling a little despite himself. 

“Good - well, it’s not night anymore, but. You get the idea. I’m gonna go pass out.”

“Cool,” Benrey says again. 

Gordon stumbles back into his room, collapsing into bed. It’s the most peaceful sleep he’s had since before Black Mesa.

sweet voice translations:

gray to clear: i shouldn’t be here

black to red: i should be dead

dirty blue: i don’t wanna hurt you

dark like the shade: i’m afraid

black and tarry: i’m sorry

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 257: New Year’s Party and All Might Feels

Previously on BnHA: The kids ate some yummy cotton candy and got to demolish a bunch of robots in flashy and expensive ways, because U.A. is every child’s dream school and All Might is getting closer to finally achieving his goal of being The Cool, Fun Teacher. There was also some cute Kirimina and Izuocha stuff, and also some panels of All Might watching Deku with a wistful dad smile which was both heartwarming and also makes me slightly terrified for his chances of surviving to the end of this series, but what else is new. Anyway so after class we cut to Aizawa and Mic who were all “we’re still sad fyi” until the Big Three interrupted them to get Aizawa to come help with Eri’s quirk. Meanwhile, All Might sat down with Deku and Kacchan and gave Deku a notebook all about THE PAST SUCCESSORS AND THE SIXQUIRKS. And we’d better be covering that pronto in this chapter because holy shit I had to wait two weeks after that cliffhanger and that was not fucking fair.

Today on BnHA: Kacchan and Deku read about the one quirk user WE ALREADY FUCKING KNEW ABOUT before they get bored and decide that WE DON’T NEED TO HEAR ANY MORE ABOUT ANY OF THOSE OTHER LAME QUIRKS APPARENTLY. In an effort to console me, All Might reveals that Shimura Nana’s quirk was THE POWER OF FUCKING FLYING YEAH BITCHES, which does admittedly warm my heart. Also Deku and Kacchan have an entire page of going back and forth at each other like the squabbling siblings they are and that helps too. Also we then cut to all of the 1-A kids having a New Year’s party, and yeah, Horikoshi admittedly knows how to play me like a goddamn fiddle I guess. The chapter then takes a sudden swerve for the nostalgic, with Deku and pals reminiscing about how much they’ve grown and how lucky they are, before we cut to All Might who’s sitting on a bench having Winter Night Angst until he’s comforted by Aizawa of all people, because this chapter is actually fucking great. And then we cut to THREE FUCKING MONTHS LATER LMAOOOO [blows noisemaker] SHIGARACALYPSE 2020 COMING ATCHA KIDS. WOOP WOOP.

okay so I have been persuaded to try out the fan scanlation this week! for several reasons: (1) the new scanlators have had a few weeks now to improve their game and I’m curious to see what the quality is like, (2) there are already spoilers all over my dashboard lol and I’m tired of trying to dodge them, and finally (3) I have nothing else to do this afternoon and I wanna read it. SO IMMA READ IT. BRING ON THE SIXQUIRKS OF DEKU THE NINTH

-- GOD DAMMIT ALL MIGHT

I assume that those are the two shadowy ones, then? Bakushadow and PonytailShadow? goddammit. meanwhile even if we didn’t have that whole mystery, the second user would still be the one I’m most curious about, because (s)he was the first one to actually get OFA handed down to them, and to say that I’m curious about how exactly that went down would be putting it mildly. like how the hell did Lil Bro figure out that he could pass his fucking quirk down to people. and what exactly was the trial and error process involved, if any. was he just like. “dude, come here, I want to try something okay? this is gonna sound really fucking weird but hear me out... I want you to eat my hair” 

sob, honestly a time-traveling Bakugou who already knows how The Whole Deal Works might honestly be the least bizarre explanation. I have so many questions ughh

btw I do also want to call attention to the fact that this chapter is titled “make it your own”, a.k.a. the mantra that Kacchan has been trying to get Deku to adopt since the provisional license exam. so this I do like. that is very promising

hmmMMMMMMMM

motherfuckin time travel is starting to sound more and more likely you guys. oh my god. but how?? someone’s quirk?? or maybe they can just get Mei to build them a machine. fuck it, she’s already upgraded Deku’s costume ten thousand times with random crap, what’s one more. you read it here first, Deku’s next upgrade will be gloves that carry him back and forth in time

lmao Katsuki

on the one hand that is very rude, but on the other hand I too would like him to get to talking about the ones whose quirks he actually did learn about. so yeah. [taps watch] we gonna do this All Might, or

lmao Deku’s asking about Blackwhip and meanwhile Katsuki’s just PICKING UP THE NOTEBOOK, WITHOUT EVEN ASKING, YOINK

(ETA: Kacchan with a normal face is such a rare Charizard of a panel that I just have to stop for a moment to appreciate it. take a good look everyone, we probably won’t get this again for another 50 chapters.)

fucking thank you Kacchan. holy shit. I mean All Might worked hard on it, might as well make use of it. and never mind the explicit “FOR YOUNG MIDORIYA” plastered on the cover I guess lol

also!! BALDY FINALLY GOT HIMSELF A NAME OMGGGGG. “LARIAT.” we’ll see how Caleb translates that tomorrow, I guess. I have no idea what it means but I’m excited!!! yay naaaames

OH THAT’S JUST HIS ALIAS HE’S GOT A REAL NAME TOO OH SNAP

(ETA: also there’s the expected “go” since he’s #5. so that’s apparently still a thing, meaning the mystery behind nos. 2 and 3 is still as perplexing as ever. maybe a bit of a stretch, but does anyone suppose that the “己” at the end of Katsuki’s given name could be interpreted as kind of looking like the Arabic numeral for two? eh? eh??)

seems to be causing a whole lot of collateral damage, but hey, price you pay for being a badass

oh my god my sons are bickering

(ETA: but lmao though at Katsuki being all “YOU THINK EVERY FUCKING QUIRK IS AMAZING” because sob it’s true.)

Katsuki please. first of all WHY WOULD YOU ONLY GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT THE ONE FUCKING QUIRK WE ALREADY KNEW, and two, I kinda need at least one of those quirks to be at least a little bit badass, because fucking shit you guys, uhhhh. [gestures frantically to the last page of chapter 255]  nyghhnghh. and also!! [gestures to the last two pages of chapter 245] ...

hmm so All Might says that Kacchan is right, and that it makes sense that most of the quirks would be weak ones because AFO made it his business to stomp out any strong quirk users on account of the whole “he’s fucking evil” thing and all of that world domination biz

look how evil

oh wow

goddamn that’s one hell of an image. all these fallen heroes desperately trying to make sure that their power, the world’s only hope, doesn’t die out with them

so then from the way All Might makes it sound, it seems like some of the successors maybe weren’t carefully selected at all, but instead they were just the ones who happened to be in the right (wrong??) place at the right time. maybe some of them were fellow soldiers in the war against AFO, and when their comrades fell they were there to pick up the gauntlet. that actually makes a hell of a lot of sense

and also the way they seem to be passing on the quirk appears to be the blood-on-blood method rather than the hair-eating method, so that also potentially addresses my snarky rambling earlier in this very recap lol. Lil Bro may not have meant to pass it on at all; he might have just been gripping some spiky-haired passerby’s hand while mortally wounded, and knowing that his time was up, and hoping against hope that this MYSTERIOUS KACCHAN-LOOKING STRANGER would somehow be able to take up the fight and continue what he started. and then lo and behold

-- motherFUCKER HE REALLY JUST PUT IT BACK DOWN ON THE TABLE LIKE

SO, I GUESS WE JUST DON’T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THE OTHER QUIRKS THEN! WELL FINE. let’s just never talk about anything I’m dying to know about again ever!!

“seems they’ve all died young” WELL ISN’T THAT JUST FINE AND FUCKING DANDY. what a wonderful legacy All Might has bequeathed unto our sprightly green protagonist. what a barrel of laughs this has turned out to be

sob my son literally doesn’t know how to take his foot off the gas

but I guess it’s not necessarily a bad thing to have someone there who only relentlessly knows how to go forward, forward, forward

SDFLKSHDOGIHSOGISHLGKSDLFJ

EXCUSE ME, MCFUCKING WHAT DID YOU SAY?! SO YOU’RE TELLING ME MY BEST GIRL COULD FUCKING FLY, IS THAT IT?? AM I READING THIS RIGHT?? WAIT -- HOW DO YOU BREATHE, AGAIN?? OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD, I

LOL WHAT THE FUCK

(ETA: I left the edges of his speech bubble in while cropping this so everyone can appreciate just how spiky it is.)

me too kid!! you were playing quirk bingo, right? it was only a matter of time before someone came along with flying powers and we all knew it. I’ve been saying it and saying it, Deku was born to touch the sky

lulz he’s screaming at Deku that he can already fly with his explosions, so now while Deku works on mastering his own flying quirk, Katsuki will pull ahead of him SO THAT MAKES HIM THE WINNER I GUESS. lol honestly this speech is one of the nerdiest things he’s ever done and I almost wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d ended it with “OWNED!!!” watch him look around for a mic to drop

oh my god

this isn’t even rival energy, this is sibling energy. like, this one panel is some of the rawest fucking sibling energy I’ve ever seen. the relentless shittalking, the competition over absolutely nothing, the ridiculous faces... just, wow

anyway so I have a ton of thoughts about Katsuki’s current feelings toward Deku ever since the Endeavor and Natsuo “you don’t have to forgive me” thing, but the short version is that I think Katsuki lately has actually been really worried about upsetting the status quo with Deku, and, well... “losing” Deku, so to speak. I think during the internship he finally clued in to the fact that he actually had been a real certified jerkweiner to Deku, but more importantly he woke up to the realization that he doesn’t know for sure if Deku actually has forgiven him. like, he’s been going around thinking that it’s in the past, that it doesn’t matter, and then along come the Todorokis with all their drama, and he sees that and he realizes oh shit, sometimes people secretly have tons of resentment that’s just burning away at them underneath and shit!

and so the thought is kind of eating at him now that Deku might not have actually forgiven him, and he’s actually really scared of that, and so he’s reacting in two different ways: one, by being irrationally annoyed/angry with Deku for having that power over him (the power to either forgive him or not), even though that’s his own fault; and two, by trying in his own way to aggressively push things toward being the way they were back when they were little kids before their whole falling out. which, in his mind, means them being rivals. like, in the second character book, there’s a section that’s all about the characters’ relationships with each other, and in for Deku it says he views his and Kacchan’s relationship as “childhood friends”, but from Katsuki’s perspective, their relationship is listed as “childhood rivals.” so yeah

anyway so I guess I lied about this being “the short version” (I’m gonna have to essay about this more in a separate post I think), but basically I think that in Katsuki’s mind this kind of juvenile making-faces-and-egging-each-other-on thing is how he interprets their friendship, and he’s very awkwardly trying to get back to that

anyway! I got hella sidetracked there so let’s get back to the plot shall we. there’s a sweet panel of All Might smiling at the two of them because I think he also sees that this scene is somehow heartwarming in its own bizarre way lol

and then WE’RE CUTTING BACK TO THE DORMS YESSSSSS

(ETA: stray thought -- it’s an absolute fucking delight to see all of the male characters cooking for once while the girls, as far as I can see, are just sitting around chilling in the living area. like I’m sure they are helping as well, but you have no idea how fucking refreshing it is to not have the girl characters be all “WE’LL COOK FOR YOU BOYS SINCE YOU’RE SO HOPELESS AND/OR YOU’RE WORKING SO HARD TEEHEE.” holy shit. it’s great.)

to answer your question, Sero, they’ve been having secret powwows with All Might and discussing things like how Kacchan is objectively better than Deku it’s science, and how to make Deku fly. what have you all been doing

OH I SEE YOU ARE HAVING DINNER

is that Tokoyami running like a Hanna-Barbera character in the background. every time I think I have a handle on his character Horikoshi has a new twist ready to keep me on my toes. also lol at Kirishima remembering how Kacchan did jackall to help during the Christmas party, and making sure he does his part this time IF HE WANTS TO EAT

(ETA: lol so after rereading this that’s clearly Deku in the background. I still think it looks more like Tokoyami though! but obviously the two of them are the only ones still in their uniforms, so.)

OH BOY OH BOY NOW THIS CHAPTER IS CRACKIN’

TODOROKI SHOUTO!! YOU HAVE BROUGHT SHAME UNTO YOUR FAMILY! lmao he’s so quick to answer “IT WAS ME I DID IT” with his two fucking exclamation points too lol. I don’t know why that’s so amusing to me but it is and I love it

meanwhile Horikoshi got a little too playful when drawing that Momochako page there huh. drew the back of her head but was then like “BUT THEN YOU CAN’T SEE HER ADORABLE SMILE” but he couldn’t be assed to redraw it so he improvised. IT’S CALLED ART

ahhhhhhh class B is joining them yesssss!! and Kodai’s bringing a couch oh my god such an excellent and practical application of her Ant-Man quirk to make sure everyone has someplace to sit these children are so cooperative and wise

YAY WHOLESOME NEW YEAR’S PARTY ANTICS

KATSUKI HAS UPGRADED FROM SANTA GRUMP TO SITTING NICELY WITH HIS SQUAD!! SHOUJI IS WEARING ANOTHER OF HIS LEGENDARY PONCHOS!! TSUYU JUST SAVED MINA’S LIFE!! KOUDA BROUGHT HIS BUNNY BECAUSE BUNNY DESERVES TO PARTY TOO!! AND AOYAMA IS PROBABLY WEARING A ROBE, BUT I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE THAT IT’S A DRESS AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME!! NEW YEAR NEW HIM YES CHEERS

oh my god they’re starting to reminisce, no my emotions were not ready for this please chill out kids

look at them talking like they’re all grown up now

you do realize you all are still just babies right. “it was a crazy ride... back then we were so young...” is that Joe Cocker’s version of With a Little Help from My Friends I hear playing in the background. why has the film quality gone all grainy. what is this what’s happening

THANK YOU IIDA

as expected from the resident 40-year-old. please tell these children to get a grip. they’re out here talking about which Roth IRAs they’re going to get and how much their lower backs hurt

also, this scanlation hasn’t been too bad so far, but I feel like knowing it’s “Iida” and not “Lida” is like the bare minimum of translating a chapter of BnHA. like at least get the names right. but anyway I cropped that part of the panel out regardless because Mineta’s face was ruining the atmosphere so it’s all good

oh no. oh shit wait. what’s going on here

do not tell me this is one of those “calm before the storm/AND THAT WAS THE LAST TIME EVERYONE WAS ALL TOGETHER AND HAPPY EVER AGAIN” things. please no. please tell me I’m overreacting and grossly misinterpreting the general vibe here. fuck

also though, you see that bit in the Kacchan panel though lol. so yeah their relationship is just like that. it’s weird but they like it

jesus christ now Deku is sitting there saying “I’m very fortunate” with this face like he’s just DARING fate to come on over and punch him in the balls. DEKU!!

no!!!! [swipes at the air in an attempt to ward off the oncoming plot] go away! shoo!

and interestingly, Tokoyami is watching him!

do you want in on this plot too buddy. is that it. well your mentor has gotten himself all wound up in this spider’s web by this point, so why not. if we’re gonna have angst I guess the more the merrier

LMAO NEVER MIND, THE VERY NEXT PANEL HE’S ASKING DEKU TO PASS THE FUCKING PONZU AGAIN. DEKU COULD YOU FUCKING SNAP TO IT ALREADY HOW MANY GODDAMN TIMES DOES HE HAVE TO ASK

NOW ALL MIGHT IS SITTING ALONE ON A BENCH OUTSIDE THE TEACHER’S DORMS AND AIZAWA IS THERE SUDDENLY

is he going to talk to him about Eri. or the whole Noumu thing. ahhhhhhh

someone please tell All Might he needs to stop acting like he’s about to die. holy shit. this is reaching unacceptable levels. the fond smile while watching Deku’s progress. another fond smile while seeing him and Bakugou going back and forth, perhaps feeling reassured that someone else will be there to look out for Deku once he’s gone. giving Deku a notebook with everything he knows about OFA. and now SITTING ON A BENCH ALONE IN THE DARK IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER WITH HIS HANDS FOLDED IN HIS LAP JUST THINKING THOUGHTS!! AND AIZAWA’S ALL “WHAT ARE YOU DOING” AND HE’S ALL “NOTHING... JUST...” HOLY FUCKING SHIT ALL MIGHT COULD YOU PLEASE NOT

but anyways so what’s this you say about training Eri now

fffFFFFFS HE’S DOING IT AGAIN

he doesn’t know if he’ll be here come springtime, that’s what’s up. the clock is ticking on Nighteye’s prophecy, and even though he swore he’d live and punch fate in the mouth, you never know though and shit but this is depressing. anyway if my guess is right he may be about to share the secret of OFA with Aizawa though, because that’s what I’d do if I thought I was possibly gonna die and my student might need someone to continue mentoring him once I was gone. so, you know, still a bummer but also YES ALL MIGHT DO ITTTTT

oh nope nevermind he’s just rambling and Aizawa doesn’t have a clue wtf he’s on about

fffff this is some prime grade A All Might angst right here, the gods have blessed us after so long oh snap oh dang

so then maybe he doesn’t think he’s dying lol. well whatever. I think it’s probably a little of column A, a little of column B, that sort of thing but hey

yo you guys, Aizawa bonding with All Might is just. [chef’s kiss] it’s been so long. I don’t think we’ve had a long scene between them since the parent teacher meetings oh my god. Aizawa definitely respects him so much more now and it’s great

totally off subject btw, but the third light novel has a chapter where the teachers all meet up at a local bar and get trashed and talk about all kinds of crap, and Aizawa drunkenly tells All Might he respects the hell out of him, and it’s an absolute delight and everyone should read it. here’s the link to the Viz edition. it’s easily the best of the light novels (though I haven’t read the fourth one which is coming out in March), and an enjoyable read from start to finish. anyways thus ends my unsponsored plug, now back to our regularly scheduled programming

yep. safe to say the days when he thought All Might was an attention-loving media whore are long gone. fuck I love this

oh my god oh my fucking god

wow. just. ...shit. this is a message that I think everyone should hear, first of all, and this is easily one of the most gorgeous and profound panels this manga has ever had. like holy shit I almost cried

and second of all, tell me something, how is Aizawa the most comforting, gentle, supportive, encouraging man in the universe, and how did we get so lucky, and can you believe this man wasn’t even planning to become a teacher holy shit. we can’t afford to lose him, ever

OH FUCK ALL MIGHT, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU START CRYING HERE --

let me tell you I did not need that flashback panel of Nighteye TODAY OF ALL DAYS, HOLY SHIT. THE HELL KIND OF TIMING IS THAT. HE KNEW WHAT EPISODE WAS AIRING THIS WEEKEND, HE DOES SKETCHES FOR THEM EVERY WEEK, THIS WAS FULLY INTENTIONAL AND I FEEL AGGRIEVED

my god All Might is pinching the corners of his eyes and apologizing I can’t. STOP OFFLOADING ALL OF THESE ALL MIGHT FEELS ON ME. even now, after everything he’s given, he still feels like it’s not enough. it’s in his nature to feel restless, to want to do more. he’s earned the right to rest -- earned it more than anyone in the world -- but he can’t, and he feels guilty and helpless because the burden he shouldered for so long has been passed on to everyone else now, and he knows how heavy it is, and he was so willing to carry it even if it destroyed him, but he can’t anymore! and then to have someone come along and say “it’s okay, you’ve done enough, you’re doing enough, you are enough,” just. shit shit shit shit shit. I can hear Horikoshi’s truck beeping as it backs up to dump YET MORE FEELS all over my goddamn house. there are feels being tossed out of an airplane door overhead with little parachutes. fucking paperboys are riding by on their bicycles and whipping them at my face screaming “EXTRA! EXTRA!” fucking...

-- HOLY SHIT!?!?

well my jaw just dropped. um. [peeks at calendar] do you mean to tell me that we’re just CUTTING STRAIGHT TO THE PARTY NOW, JUST LIKE THAT

WELL FUCK, LMAO. BEEN NICE KNOWING Y’ALL

sDFLKSHGLKH

Horikoshi: [poking his head in the door] hey what’s up guys just thought I’d toss in this panel of Ujiko here to remind you all that Spring is when --

everyone: JESUS CHRIST WE KNOW

-- WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK LOL, WHAT

well I guess it’s nice to know that those feelings of impending doom were apparently RIGHT ON THE MONEY sob. NOTHING TO SEE HERE, JUST THE END OF ALL HEROES!! JUST UJIKO ROAMING THE HALLS OF HIS LOCAL HOSPITAL BEING ALL “HO HO” BECAUSE HE’S FINISHED HIS WINTER PROJECT OF TURNING TOMURA INTO ONE OF THE FOUR HORSEMEN AND HE’S FEELING REALLY FUCKING GREAT ABOUT LIFE. JUST THE MANGA JUMPING AHEAD THREE FUCKING MONTHS JUST LIKE THAT, AND DROPPING US BACK IN BARELY A WEEK BEFORE THE START OF THE KIDS’ SECOND YEAR, A.K.A. “YEAR OF THE SHINSOU”, A.K.A. “YEAR THAT KACCHAN FINALLY REVEALS HIS HERO NAME BECAUSE HOLY SHIT SON YOU REALLY FUCKING SAT ON THAT FOR THREE MORE FUCKING MONTHS!?”, A.K.A. “THE YEAR ALL MIGHT BETTER NOT FUCKING DIE”, AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, A.K.A. “[GESTURES FRANTICALLY TO CHAPTER 245 AGAIN]”

lol. here I was hoping we had at least a little more time before the whole “we’re fucked” thing kicked in, but I guess the apocalypse waits for no one. gentlemen it has been a privilege playing with you tonight

[the-fiction-witch]

Cute

TV SHOW: GAME OF THRONES (AU) COUPLE: JOJEN X READER RATING: SMUT

I sat in the car with my pillow and my bag of stuff as my mother drove down the long the road beside the unending feilds. The radio wizzing and humming where it was fading in and out of stations, the smell of the feilds of crops coming though the cool crisp Aircon. Until we pulled up to the large house with the infinatly long drive way where the familiar red head stood in her grey dress. "Hi!!" Sansa smiled climbing in the car with her stuff "Hi" I smiled giving her a hug which she happily returned "You excited?" She smiled "Very," I laughed as the car contained to drive off with me and Sansa chatting the whole time till atlast we got to the large green house I thanked my mother giving her a hug before we headed up to the house giving the door a little knock and the for instantly opened "Yay!!" Meera smiled giving us both hugs "this is gonna be amazing come on come in" she says letting us inside, I looked around at the green house with plants and tools everywhere, a huge conservatory to the back leading out to the garden, I saw the TV on as her father howland was still here but he was clearly getting ready to go out. And I saw her brother jojen stood in in the open kitchen he had clearly just been getting a drink but freaked and almost dropped it as he saw us all, I blushed a little seeing him he was really cute or atleast I think so. "Ahh!! There's girls here" he says in shock "I told you I was having a sleep over!" Meera argued "arent you going to see my brother tonight?" Sansa asked as jojen and bran often hang around together mostly due to there clubs at school, "No, that's next week" he says "Fine but stay in your room!" Meera warned him as she showed us up to her room.

"He's the most wonderful boy ever, he brought me flowers last time we went to the movies" sansa explained I was a little bored sat on the floor of Meera's room hugging my pillow while the girls talked about what else but boys. "So... Your going out again?" Meera asked "Of course, we're meant to be" she says "Didn't you say that about Luke three weeks ago?" I remind "And about that Peter guy last Month?" Meera reminds "And Kim the month before?" I remind "Well this time I know" she says "Well, Marcus brought me a necklace last date night" Meera smiled showing off her rather impressive necklace "I think he might be the one" "Aww that's so sweet... I want Joffery to buy me something like that" Sansa cooes "y/n we really need to find you someone so your not single anymore" "Trust me I'm fine" I said "Well what kinda boys do you like?" "Different kinda boys, I'm not into the whole football team, muscular boys I like the... Chess team boys and the library boys" I explain "What so someone like... Meera's brother?" Sansa laughed Meera laughed too but I sat with a little bit of a shrug "Why she's serious?" Meera says stopping Sansas laughs "your kidding right? So if a line of the most sexy boys ever asked for a date you'd turn them down for a chess club boy?" "I find intelligence kinda sexy, and cute" I smiled "So... Do you think my brother is cute?" "Yeah, jojens cute" "Awwwwwww I ship them so much!" Sansa laughed Luckily the conversation moved as sansa got a texted from Joffery about them maybe sneaking over Tonight luckily as they arrived I managed to sneak away as I didn't exactly wanna be around couples anyway, they wouldn't notice I was gone not while they're boys are here. I thought about going down to watch TV but I saw another door, jojens door. I listened for a moment but didn't hear much so I pushed it gently open, his room was the same size as Meera's even if his window over looked the garden, he has some plants on his windowsill and almost every surface in his room was covered with three things, books, clothes and tissues. His double bed sat in the middle of the back wall with a record player on a side table, he sat on his bed with headphones connected to the record player by a long spiral cord often moving his head along with his music while he did work in his various books and papers. "Hi" I smiled waving a little making him jump taking his headphones off "Uhh hi" he blushed "What are you listening too?" I asked Moving to stand by his bed "Uhh nothing much just some of my dad's old record collection" he says so I took the headphones from him putting the over my own ears it was some old rock stuff that my dad listened to alot and I laughed turning it off "Very cool jojen," "Not to be rude or anything but... Why exactly are you in my room?" He asked "The boys" I sighed "Oohh... Right. Guess you didn't wanna be around the making out" "Yep, so I came to see you" I smiled sitting beside him in his bed "Uhhh okay" he blushed putting his stuff down "your Uhhh your nightie Looks nice" "Awww thanks" I smile "your PJ's are cute too... What do they say on them?" "Oh uh, the shirts just last year's University challenge shirt, and the uhh the shorts aren't really shorts there just my uhh my underwear" he blushed "Ooh sorry jojen" I blushed "It's okay, I just didn't know you'd be visiting" he blushed "I was ordered to hide in my room, so... I'm hiding" "Aww that's so sweet" I smiled quickly giving his cheek a kiss, he flushed bright red looking more scared then I has ever seen him before "Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh i- I uhh I ummm" he stuttered trying to do much of anything to respond "Do you wanna hide in here together?" I  asked "we can cuddle and listen to the records?" I suggest "Uhh okay" he nodded sitting up a little more having to nervously strech over me to unplug the headphones and start the player again turning it on low enough not to disturb anyone else but loud enough so we could hear it I laid down in his bed and he carefully laid down with me. I laughed taking his hand giving it a little kiss before wrapping it around my waist, he looked even more scared so I nuzzled into his neck which helped him relax a little bit. We laid cuddled up for a while our finger tips gently exploring each other often nuzzling our heads closer to each other making little happy moaning noises "uhh y/n, can I tell you something?" He asked "Sure" I smiled "I uhh I've had a really big crush on you... For like the last ten years" "Really?" I asked Moving away and gw nodded "aww jojen I like you to" "You do!" He asked in shock "your not saying that to be nice right?" "Of course not" I laughed "Did Meera and Sansa dare you to do this?" "What no, they don't even know I'm in here" I laughed "Sorry... It just all seem a little to good to be true that's all" he blushed "How about I prove it?" I smirked he looked a little confused but I pulled him closer and kisses his sweet lips, he instantly understood what I was doing and kissed back not wanting to waste such an opportunity his hand still on my waist gently pulling me closer till I pulled back "Whoa..." "How'd I do?" I asked "Uhhh I don't really have comparison's" he blushed "Really?" I asked "Well you a lot lot better then my imagination" he blushed "You wanna do more?" "yes" he nodded very quickly "Or maybe... Did you wanna make out?" I suggest "Uhhhh okay" he nodded very nervous but very excited so I pulled him closer kissing him again moving my lips against his own which he happily copied within seconds he was hovered over me one hand behind my head and shoulders the other on my waist as I hand both of mind around his neck our kisses deep and lusty as our teenage hormones had complete control of our actions or well jojens did as I didn't have much of a say in it, as our kisses deepened more both of us often Moving our heads for better angles and moment in our kisses. I felt his hand experimentally move up a little from my waist his finger tips hovering on the bone of my bra I smiled in the kiss taking his hand and moving it so his hand made full contact with my breast, "Uuuummmm.." he groans in the kiss as he gently began fondling my boobs first just the one hand and soon enough the other hand joined in too. After a little while I moved his hands back how they where and his grip on me tightened so hardly an inch was between us, I sped up the kiss as I felt something rather hard and stiff pressing desperately to my leg "Umm jojen" I smirked as I pulled back "Ooohh my god, y/n..." He groaned desperate to kiss me again I let him the kiss starting to get very hot as I began running my hands around his fluffy blonde hair until "So that's where you snuck off to" Sansa said at jojens door with Joffery in tow we instantly pulled away putting space between us "Ooohh somebodies excited hey jojen" Joffery laughed as it was pretty obvious to everyone jojen was hard before he quickly covered himself with his blankets "A word..now" Sansa says so I got up giving jojen a kiss and going out with her as Joffery went downstairs "she's gonna kill you" "Where is she?" "In bed with her boyfriend, me and Joffery are headed downstairs, I take it you'll be fine in jojens room?" "I'll be very fine" I smiled "Okay, Don't go in Meera's room, don't come downstairs and none of us will go in there" she says handing me my stuff, I nodded before going back inside I put my stuff by his door and slipped off my bra and panties from under my nightie and as I did I noticed something he was still sat covering himself with his blankets but his eyes closed and his hand under there too "Ummm uuumm uhh y/n" he groans clearly jerking off "Jojen, you couldn't even wait for me to get back" I laughed putting my pillow on the other side of his bed and he blushed "I got desperate okay" he complained "Aww okay, wanna keep going?" I asked sitting over his thighs and he nodded little crazy "wanna feel now?" I smiled he was confused but I pulled his hands back to my boobs "Oh my god! Where uhh what happen to the bra?" "Do you really care?" "Not really no" he blushed as he fondled and groped my boobs until one of his hands slipped down to grab my butt and he realized "holy fuck that's all your wearing" "Well done jojen" I smirk he blushed but sat up slipping his shirt off and moving the blankets away leaving him naked against his bed his pale skinny body laid amungs the covers his rather tall hard cock stood begging for attention "So it's fair" he blushed "Umm jojen he's so big" I smirked kissing down his neck "but it's not really fair is it after all... I can see everything" I smirked before I went to slip my nightie off but he stopped me "Can uhh can I do it?" "Of course" I smiled and he happily took my nightie off for me his eyes looked at every inch of my naked body. And before I knew what was happening he flipped us over so my back was against the bed he sat ontop of me kissing me lustfully grabbing a condom from his bedside draw while his other hand groped my butt.

[maddiesup]

Tag game!

I was tagged by @ohbabycupcakes thank u💖

RULES: Name 10 favorite characters from 10 different things then tag 10 people + leave comments on all of them

This is gonna be hard, where do I even start?

1) Keith (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

Okay I'm- trying not to laugh too hard because oh boy, this show was a complete mess. BUT Keith still stays as one of my favorite characters ever just because no matter how badly I was hurt by vld he'll always be precious to me 💖 He's hotheaded, cool and a lone wolf, but needs affection more than anyone else on the team. He's easy for me to relate to as I am more likely to push someone away than to keep them close just to avoid being hurt as well. His development is amazing tho and I love love him so much 😭 also it might be just that I have a soft spot for emo characters lmao

2) Todoroki Shoto (Boku no Hero Academia)

This just reinforces my statement earlier since Todoroki is pretty emo too :') But in a different way than Keith. If you are a part of bnha fandom you know he's generally a little bit overrated, but I couldn't help falling in love with him at first sight anyway lol His backstory is tragic but he keeps pursuing his dream and damn is he good at it. Also the combo of fire and ice is aesthetic goals. However, what I admire the most about Shoto is probably his loyalty to his friends, his will to fight and sometimes his goofy attitude (even if he probably isn't aware that he's being goofy lol) In conclusion: I love him, let's move on.

3) Uenoyama Ritsuka (Given)

Can I just stop to say how much I love given for a moment? Like I've never seen a bl anime/manga that would portray gay characters so respectfully 😭❤️ Ue is basically me gay panicking, I feel the boy so much :') OH also what's up with gays & guitars bc first given, then why r u and now also 2gether :') (I might be falling in love with this trope help) okay so: Ue is panicking when he starts liking Mafuyu but he handles it so well in a way? He doesn't deny his crush even if he is slow to notice it lol He's straightforward and sometimes a little bit rough around the edges, but even if he's supposed to be "the cool guy" we see him in the most hilarious settings and that just makes me love him all the more 💖 he respects Mafuyu and his boundaries and I want more of that in bl anime please

4) Eiji & Ash (Banana Fish)

Uhhhh this anime,,, I CANNOT choose between Ash and Eiji, I'm gonna forever see them as a pair and that's simply it. Ash is another emo one I would like to say that but he's actually not. He's backstory is heartbreaking and the life he has to live is dangerous and scary. He gets used to this reality where he has no one to rely on and no one to trust but then Eiji appears tearing his walls down and making him finally be able to show his soft and sensitive side to someone. Eiji is like a salve for his wounds and yes, I'm still emotional about it bc their relationship is one of the best developped I've ever seen. Their bond is so strong it's beautiful, they would literally die for each other. It's so apparent that they love each other and care for each other so much (don't mind me crying in the corner)

5) Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson & the Olympians)

PJ technically got me into fantasy/sci-fi in elementary school and it stays at the top of my favorite book series list ever (big props to Uncle Rick 👏) The whole series is funny and I would say pretty light-hearted even tho you know,,, Percy saves the world several times, lol, usual demigod things™. He's lovable. Son of Poseidon so he has seaweeds instead of a brain (or so you thought, he is brilliant at strategic planning and has a charisma to be a great leader), has a very good sense of humor, is loyal and would risk everything for his friends. Also he loves his girlfriend very much and I was crying while reading the House of Hades but no one needed to know that oh well. I'm also gonna mention Nico de Angelo here, since he fell in love with Percy (didn't we all tho) and was the first gay character I saw portrayed in the book and oh do I love him 😭💖

6) 707 (Mystic Messenger)

Was I losing sleep over this game? I was. Do I regret anything? Absolutely not. I think my choices are pretty boring tho, since Seven is literally everyone's favorite but oh boy there's a reason for that. Apart from being a talented hacker who knows too much (and I think is cautious of us the most at the start) he has a lovely happy-go-lucky personality composed of all the lame jokes, questions "have you eaten already" and anxiety (another emo one). He's that type of a character who will always try to make you laugh but you never know what's going on inside his head. He's mysterious and we don't get to know him well till his route so pretty much till the end of the game lol. Also he loves his brother, phd pepper, honey buddha chips and Elizabeth 3rd the most in this entire world and I love him for that

7) Evan Hansen (Dear Evan Hansen)

ANOTHER EMO ONE okay but hear me out Evan has social anxiety and its portrayal is almost too real for me. He makes a big oopsie which at the start seems like a little innocent lie but then snowballs to enormous sizes. He gains everything in this bargain, a best (dead) friend, a caring mother, a father, a girlfriend even - and then everything falls apart since it all is built on one fat lie. He makes a lot of mistakes and then some more but you get it and you feel for him, and you cry with him and you're happy for him. And when all of this is over you're glad that he's still there trying his best, taking it one day at a time. And sidenote: Ben Platt's voice is angelic and I love him as Evan 💖💖💖

8) Isak (SKAM)

Another gay panicking one. I'm starting to realize there's a set of traits that I particularly like in fictional characters lol But ye, when I was watching skam ofc it was the third season which gripped me the most and kept me on the edge, bc yet again Isak taking an "are you gay" test was way too real for me. He makes a lot of mistakes along the way of figuring out his sexuality and sometimes stuff with Evan becomes really messy (for both of them) but he stays with him nevertheless ❤️ Skam is literally so good in its portrayal of the characters :') Anyways: alt er love 💖

9) Viktor & Yuuri (Yuri on Ice)

Em, another one that I absolutely can't break up to just one bc how could I? Yuri on ice got me into skating ❤️ I went to an ice rink for the first time bc of this anime and I almost died but now look at me actually finishing my first three months of ice skating training and watching real life figure skating competitions :') Little did I know then. But they're not only my favourites bc of that, I genuinely love the development of their relationship from fan - idol through skater - couch to lovers and history makers in the end. I love how Yuuri is a ball of insecurities and how Viktor manages to reassure him. I love how Viktor fell in love with drunk Yuuri clinging to him. I love how at first Yuuri wasn't able to get too close to Viktor without getting flustered and it changes so drastically to them basically always holding onto each other. I love how Viktor was stuck with no inspiration but then Yuuri came and turned his world upside down. I love how they support and respect each other. I could probably go on into eternity like that and Yuri on ice isn't even the best anime I've ever seen but it's certainly my favourite one ❤️

10) Tutor (WHY R U)

I can't believe I'm so obsessed with thai dramas rn and I'm only gonna include Tor on this list smh He's mental attitude inspires me. He's able to hold so much and appears totally unfazed even if he's barely holding on inside. He's hardworking and doesn't want others to pity him since he can manage it all just fine. He has a kind heart, he's a wonderful friend (especially to Hwa, he always listens to her, gives her pieces of advise, supports her and tries to cheer her up). He never forgets to say thank you when he genuinely feels grateful. But as we've seen he also is passionate and when he loves he LOVES. Also he's the biggest tease to Fighter and I love him for that :') I am so satisfied just by seeing him happy, please do not change that whyru gods 🙏

As it appears I'm done .-. I have no idea what have just happened and if my rambling even makes sense but not that I care at this point. If you read this far, please drink some water now, that was a lot of reading to go through ❤️

Tagging: @wir-ro, @saecookie and any other 8 people who might want to ksks (im too tired to tag lmao)

Don't be like me and go to bed at reasonable hours despite this whole quarantine thing .-. thank again Doreen for tagging since it was really fun 🥺❤️

[awhitehead17]

Can You Quit Life?

Tim & Jason, Hurt/Comfort, Jason is a good brother, Stress, Burn Out, Break Downs, Brotherly Love, General Rating.

Summary: He quits everything, actually he just quits life. Was that allowed? To quit life? Was it even possible? Tim’s not sure but with the way he’s going, he’ll find a way to make it possible.

Also on AO3

Enjoy! :D

He’s done. That’s it he gives up.

There’s so much to do but it’s like he has no energy left to do it. As he goes to do one of his many tasks he gets a few minutes into it and instantly wants to give up. One look at the screen where the document was just wants to make him tear his hair out. He’s now gotten to the point where there’s so much to do that he doesn’t want to do any it.

He wants to cry. He wants scream, shout, whack something. There’s too many emotions running through his head and its messing with him. There’s so many things that are demanding his attention, there’s so much that he’s trying to juggle around in his life and it’s all just stressing him out.

He doesn’t know what to do any more. 

Currently he’s sat at his desk in his room at the Manor, working on his laptop trying to do corrections on an essay for school. Well that was one task he was attempting to do, the other was a report for a recent Titan’s mission he had just finished.

The essay was frustrating him in many ways. The teacher had left comments on where he needs to expand his explanation, how he needed to add more screenshots and go into further depth with his analysis. He gets what he needs to do but how was he supposed to do it? It wasn’t clear on how much more detail he needed to go into, he’s pretty sure there’s no way he can explain his point any more than what he already has done.

Then there’s the report which was bugging him. As he tries to work on his essay all he could think about was the report, but then when he worked on the report all he could think about was the goddamn essay!

That’s of course not mentioning everything else on his mind and plate that he’s trying to deal with, these just happen to be the two current things.

The report was driving him mad because whenever he would type something it wouldn’t make sense. Then once he got further into the report the order and timings of things didn’t make sense, it was like all of his thoughts were just scattered on the page with no structure. Nothing made sense! He couldn’t give Cyborg a crappy report like that! It needed to be right, it needed to be perfect, it need to be exactly parallel to what happened on the mission.

He was ready to call it quits. After flicking between the two documents for the last three hours Tim was ready to cry and just give up.

Those two things were just start of the list. He also had the lingering weekly patrol report to write up which was hovering in the background, include that with all of his school work, then trying to fit in his social life (one that barely exists), then the training, patrol and even the time for himself. It was just too much and Tim was done with everything.

How do people do it? How do they manage to juggle so much around. Like working a full time job, then going home and looking after a family, they gotta go shopping at some point and they can still meet up with friends. How do they do it? Because Tim was struggling, he knows he was struggling. At this point he’s just on the verge of some sort of mental break down and burnout.

But it’s not like he could tell anyone about this. He couldn’t go to his family, they struggle enough with their own problems, they don’t need Tim’s grief added to their plates. It’s the same with his friends. They’re all busy with their own shit, they don’t need Tim complaining about his life to them when they have much bigger problems.

He leans back in his chair and takes a deep breath before letting it out. Okay, one thing at a time. That’s how it’s done right? He looks back at his computer screen and finds the report currently open, he scrolls to the top and plans on reading it through, maybe even just re-writing it and starting from scratch.

He only gets a couple of paragraphs in before he wants to smash his computer because of how frustrated he is with it. Tim reaches up and grips his hair and lets out a long agitated noise before thumping his head down onto his desk with a loud bang.

He doesn’t register the pain that spikes through his forehead at contact. All he could think about was why it wasn’t working. What was he doing wrong?

The next noise Tim lets out was close to a pathetic whimper. He was done. That’s it, he quits.

He quits everything, actually he just quits life. Was that allowed? To quit life? Was it even possible? Tim’s not sure but with the way he’s going, he’ll find a way to make it possible.

The sudden knock at his door gets his attention. Just as it begins to open Tim bolts upright in his chair. He spins around and watches as Jason strolls casually into his room, a smile was on his face and he was holding something in his hands.

“Hey Timbers, I was wondering – you okay?”

Jason changes his sentence halfway through once he looks at Tim. Tim watches as his older brother looks him over. The expression on his face must have given him away or something so Tim tries to make it go blank as possible.

He’s just as annoyed as he is relieved at Jason’s appearance. His brother was now offering a distraction from his work but at the same time he kinda interrupted Tim’s early mid-life crises and has put a hold on his breakdown. There was no way Tim was going to break down in front of his brother, in front of Jason of all people.  

Tim shrugs, trying to act nonchalant, “Nothings wrong. I’m fine. What’s up?”

Jason wasn’t buying his act. Tim could tell by the way his brother stares at him with narrowed eyes and the way his lips press tightly together.

Tim finds his patience was suddenly running low. He sends the older a glare, “Was there something you wanted Jason or not. I’m busy, so…” He trails off hoping to prompt the man into sharing.

It’s a few moments before he answers. Tim watches as Jason looks at him before glancing down at the object in his hands. After what seems like a mental debate, Jason tucks the object into his jacket pocket before taking a seat on the edge of Tim’s bed facing him.

“You know what,” Jason says leaning back onto his elbows, pinning him with a look, “It doesn’t matter. How are you Tim? It’s been a while since we had a catch up.”

Tim stares at him trying to understand what just happened. Jason was now lying on his bed, looking at him expectantly and Tim just had to somehow accept that? His brother does have a point, it has been a while since they had a catch up, but now wasn’t the time to do that. As Tim was stressing about just minutes ago, he was busy, he didn’t need to deal with Jason’s games at that moment, nor was he in the mood for it.

He takes a breath and lets it out, “Jason, what do you want? I know you didn’t just come up here for a chat. I’m busy so can we have this conversation later on, please.”

“Uhhhh, na.” His leg comes up and kicks Tim’s chair, “What’s got you so busy that you can’t talk to your own brother?”

Everything.

Tim slaps his foot away and glares at him, “Just a school report that I need to get done.”

No, that wasn’t it. It was a school essay and a Titan’s report. Great, now Tim can’t even tell the difference between them. God he needs a break.

Jason makes a humming sound, “Oh yeah? Is it interesting? Can I help at all?”

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” Tim snaps at him, having had enough. This wasn’t helping his situation at all, he was no closer to finishing both documents than what he was three hours ago.

Something in his tone must have finally snapped Jason out of his game because his brother was giving him a concerned look. “Hey, don’t get all snappy with me Tim. I was just asking. You seem off, is there anything you want to talk about?”

Tim grits his teeth to stop himself from snapping a second time. “I told you, I’m fine. Just busy.”

He could feel all of his emotions stirring once again, maybe stronger than before. The stress and the frustration blending into one where it’s becoming overwhelming. Tim could feel it building up inside of his chest. His breathing was getting faster and he had to start blinking to try and keep the tears at bay. He wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t going to break down.

Jason pushes himself up and perches on the end of Tim’s bed facing him, he laces his hands together and rests his arms on his knees as he leans forward. Concern and worry crossing over his features as he quietly talks, any sense of humour or annoyance completely gone.

“Tim you’re not okay. I can see it dude. You’re struggling, trying to keep yourself together even when it all gets too much. Talk to me Tim, tell what’s going on.”

Tim takes a shaky breath trying to keep the last bit of control of his emotions he can, it was right in his chest, a pressure just waiting to burst, he could also feel it behind his eyes wanting to come out in waves of tears.

He looks away from Jason and swallows thickly, “There’s nothing to talk about.” His voice was rough and thick with emotion. At this point it was taking all of Tim’s willpower in stopping himself from breaking.

“Timmy,” Jason sighs, “I know you probably don’t want to hear this but I’m going to tell you anyway. It’s okay to ask for help, you’re allowed to say you’re struggling, that you’re stressed or that you need a break. It’s okay to talk to someone.”

Tim shakes his head in refusal and the first few tears escape his eyes as his breath hitches. He clenches his eyes tight and refuses to look at Jason. It’s not okay, it’ll never be okay.  

“I know we haven’t had the best relationship in the past Timbo, so it doesn’t have to be me you talk to. It can be anyone. Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Cass one of your Titan buddies. Anyone you feel comfortable with Tim.”

Tim shakes his head again, “I can’t Jason!” He chokes out. “I just can’t!”

“You can Tim. It’s okay. I promise, keeping it locked inside you like this doesn’t help.”

The tears were staring to fall down his face more freely and Tim couldn’t stop them this time. He swipes ferociously at his eyes in a poor attempt to keep Jason from seeing them. It was too late though. The pressure that was building inside of his chest was too much to ignore, he found it hard to breathe as every time he tried his breath would hitch with a sob.

“C’mere Timmy.”

Before he knew what was happening, Jason was there grabbing one of his shaking hands and pulling him up to his feet. Without any second thoughts Jason pulls Tim into a hug. His brother’s arms wrap around him and hold him close.

Unable to resist Tim buries his face into Jason’s chest, letting his arms wrap around the man and cling tightly to him as everything he had been feeling finally breaks free as the dam collapses. He sobs into Jason chest, letting out pitiful cries as he does. All the stress, frustration, anger and annoyance he had been feeling finally comes out in one big messy, snotty break down.  

Tim feels Jason’s arms around him as they hold him tightly. One hand was resting on his head, the man’s fingers gently going through his hair while the other rubs down his back and sides. Doesn’t that just make him cry more? Why was Jason allowing this? Wasn’t he just wasting the man’s time, uselessly sobbing into him, having an inevitable break down that’s finally caught up to him.

Tim didn’t understand, but all he could do in that moment was cry.

It was a while until he was able to calm down and get control of himself. Even when the tears finally stop he keeps his head tucked in Jason’s chest, a lame attempt to avoid making eye contact with his brother after all of that. His head was hurting now too, a throbbing going on inside of his skull from where he had been crying.

Didn’t he say that he wasn’t going to break down? Well apparently his body didn’t get the memo and what makes it worse is that he broke in front of Jason off all people.

Even after his crying tampers off Jason stays there holding him, stroking his back and head with comfortingly. Tim didn’t want to face his brother because of the embarrassment but also because this was nice. Now that his head was sort of cleared, he could appreciate the gesture even as embarrassing as it was.

Several more moments go by and soon enough Jason stops his actions, his arms release Tim from the hold. Tim doesn’t fight it as he’s gently pushed away from Jason’s body but he doesn’t exactly co-operate either. He refuses to look up at his brother.

Jason seems to have a different tactic however, he moves them around and pushes Tim down onto the edge of his bed while he settles in a crouch just in front of him. Tim adverts his eyes to stop himself looking at the man, how was he supposed to face Jason after that meltdown?

“How do you feel now?” Jason asks quietly, reaching up to brush a thumb underneath his eyes where there were now tear stains on his cheeks.

Tim swallows and responds, “I feel fine.” His voice was thick and sounded wrecked when he spoke,

At his answer Jason huffs and smacks him on the back of the head. Tim squawks at the treatment and snaps his eyes to his brother in a mild glare, “Hey! What was that for?”

The hands move so they’re now cupping his face, Tim finds himself unable to look away from his brother now. It’s only then that he realises that Jason played him. Annoyed as he was with the action Tim has to admit that was a good move.

“’I feel fine’ is not an answer Tim. I’m going to ask you again and if you say ‘fine’ or anything similar to that word you’re going to get more than just a light smack on the back of the head, you understand.” Jason doesn’t wait for him to respond, he quickly moves onto asking his question. “How do you feel now?”

Tim stares at him, biting down the instinctive response of saying he was fine. Why was Jason doing this? Why was his brother putting so much effort and time into making him talk and seeing how he was? Tim didn’t get it. As for his own emotions and feelings… well he didn’t really know those either.

He was of course confused, confused by Jason’s current behaviour. But inside, maybe lighter? He didn’t feel like he couldn’t breathe anymore, that pressure that was building in his chest was now completely gone, allowing him the room to breathe easily once again.

“Lighter,” he says eventually. “The pressure isn’t in my chest anymore.”

Jason smiles, “That’s good.” He let’s go of Tim’s face and pulls away slightly, making room between them. “I’m not going to ask you anymore on feelings because I know that you’ll just end up recoiling, so instead I’m going to ask, what made you get into this state? Obviously it’s all been building up but what pushed you over the edge Tim?”

Tim swallows and glances over at his desk where his laptop was, the screen now dark from where it’s clearly gone to sleep. He’s glad Jason didn’t ask about his feelings because he’s not entirely sure he could put into words what he was feeling.

He moves his focus back to Jason, “My work I guess. It was just stressing me out and then you came in and started questioning me on it and I got overwhelmed I guess and then boom, it exploded.” He makes a small explosion gesture with his hands as he talks

Jason studies him for a moment before he’s nodding, “Okay, you know what I have a plan.”

Tim frowns at hearing that, “Your plans usually suck.”

His brother makes a noise in protest and smacks his knee, “I’ll have you know I can come up with good plans, occasionally, this being one of those times.” At Tim’s sceptical look he rolls his eyes and explains his plan. “What we’re going to do is right now, absolutely nothing. We’ll set up shop in the media room and chill out watching a couple of movies before calling it a night.”

Tim opens his mouth to protest but Jason cuts him off with a stern look and a raised finger, “Then tomorrow you and I are going to go through one of your projects and get that completed. After that we’ll take a break and depending on the time we’ll start your second project.”

Tim stares at him in disbelief. Why was Jason planning this? Surely his brother had more important things to do than spend his time with Tim helping him on his projects.

“We’ll go through your work together, work out what’s getting you agitated and work through the problem together. It’ll help having someone talking you through on what you can write and in what order.”

Tim was still staring at him. Of course what he was saying makes sense but Tim couldn’t get over what his brother was offering. All he could get out was a quiet, “Thank you Jason.”

Seeming to know what he was thinking Jason stands up, stretches his legs and looks down at him, “Tim I care about you. That’s why I want to help. You clearly need it and this way you won’t be getting smothered by the Golden Boy or Daddy Bats. We’ll take it slow and together we’ll get through this, you’ll get through this alright.”

Swallowing again, Tim nods, “Sure. thank you, I really appreciate it. I’m sorry for breaking down on you like that. I really wasn’t meant to.”

“Don’t be an idiot Timbo. It was clearly long overdue but now it’s happened lets work on not letting it happen again yeah?” He holds out a hand to Tim to help him up, “Now come on, it’s movie time. I’ll even let you pick.”

Tim takes his hand and together they make their way down to the media room and Tim can say he feels lighter than before. He knows that it’s still going to be stressful when he goes back to the work but he thinks having Jason there to help guide him on what to do will be a major help. Both with his work and keeping his emotions under control.

He can do this, he can get through this. Well hopefully. He figures he’ll just have to take it day by day and now Jason will be there to help him through it, he thinks it may be possible after all.

[okaybutlikeimagine]

Every year, on the anniversary of Will’s disappearance, Joyce clings.

She clings and coddles and hugs and kisses and worries and dreads and attempts to mask her utter fear with smiles that don’t reach her eyes.

It’s always a sweet attempt. It never quite works.

After that first anniversary, where the Anniversary Effect turned into a Very Real Nightmare of, once again, fighting monsters and fearing for their lives, Will hasn’t been let outside on November 6th. There’s been no ifs, ands, or buts about it. He is locked inside of the house in the nicest, kindest, gentlest way possible.

Billy doesn’t know this.

So the first November 6th that they spend as a family, in 1985 after Hop has married Joyce and they’re all living together in the same house, Billy asks Will if he wants to go out and grab some dinner so that no one has to cook. He’s just trying to bring the energy up in the house, honestly. All day people have been keeping the energy stale at best. Joyce kept Will home from school even though he doesn’t look sick. Her face is pale, along with Jonathan’s, and Hop hasn’t done much more than grunt and rub Will’s shoulder when he passes by the boy. Billy’s not sure if he even went to work. El has been attached to Will’s hip, scrunching her nose up in a smile at him whenever he makes eye contact with her.

It’s just been weird and Will has looked like a goddamn prisoner all day and really, all Billy wants to do is get Will some fresh air and bring the mood up. He can’t handle it feeling this way. He feels like he’s out of the loop over here.

Will, from his place hunched on the couch, looks over to Joyce. Billy looks too when he sees it, only to find Joyce giving a scared and nervous look accompanied by a small shake of her head.

Will sighs softly. Billy’s surprised he hears it.

“Uh… no. I shou- I can’t.”

It doesn’t make any sense to Billy.

Like, seriously doesn’t make any sense to him. The boy is 14 and barely ever steps a toe out of line. He wasn’t asking him to go party on a school night, he was just wondering if they wanted to go pick up some burgers or a pizza or even some Chinese food god something.

Billy’s eyes furrow.

“Seriously? It’ll take like 2 seconds. I mean-” Billy pauses, rephrases. He knows Will can’t stand how fast Billy drives, so he has to slow it down for him. “Really like 20 minutes. But-”

“Billy, can I talk to you?�� Jonathan asks with a hand pulling on Billy’s arm before he can even respond. He’s yanked out of the room against his own accord, allowing it just out of sheer confusion and curiosity.

“What?” Billy asks pointedly to a very tired looking Jonathan. Which is saying something, because Jonathan always looks like a truck just did a number on him.

“Do you know what day it is?” He whispers conspiratorially.

Billy blinks.

“Uhhhh… yeah? Tuesday?”

Jonathan takes a heavy breath, looking away for a second.

“It’s the… It’s…”

Billy watches the boy fumble with fleeting patience.

“It’s…..? What? Some weird fucking holiday? ‘No Burgers’ day? ‘Will Can’t Go Outside’ day?”

Jonathan sighs. “I mean… sort of.”

Billy’s eyebrows furrow.

“To which one, dummy?”

Jonathan sighs again. He’s getting on Billy’s last nerve.

“It’s the anniversary of Will’s disappearance.”

Billy freezes. Looks over to the living room as if he can see Will sitting on the couch from here. He can see his little socked feet swinging around against the floor.

“Uhh… oh.”

“Yeah. 2 years ago.” Jonathan’s got his hands shoved deep in his pockets. He looks for all the world like a nervous child. Billy doesn’t know how to feel.

“And he has to stay inside… because?”

“Mom gets nervous about him going out.”

“I mean, I get it but-”

“C’mon, Billy. Don’t stir the pot.”

Billy rolls his eyes, like he doesn’t feel an immense pressure in his chest from this. From all of it. From what he can only imagine it must feel like to have that hanging over your head. Always in your mind. Always in the back corner of your thoughts whispering and feeding and gnawing like a parasite.

Remember the monsters?

Billy remembers them. Remembers the cold and the intense heat and the looming fear that never left. Never rested. Never loosened its hold.

But…

“Fine. Then I’ll just go get food for everyone by myself.” Billys says, walking out into the living room to grab his keys and go pick up a pizza.

And so every year, even after Billy and Jonathan have gone away to college, they come back for the anniversary. Joyce insists they don’t have to, even though it’s clear in her eyes and voice that she’d very much appreciate it. Jonathan insists that they do have to, and reiterates to Billy how important it is for all of them that they all come by.

“I know John-boy, you’ve told me a billion times. I’ll make it.”

“Why do you still insist on calling me John-boy?”

“Because you insist on making it fun for me.” Billy says before hanging up the phone.

And so they go to visit. They all sit around and watch reruns of TV shows. They play board games.

It’s weird. The vibe is still so off. And Billy hates to look at Will because he looks so sullen. So pale and afraid and nervous of the walls of his house. Like something’s going to break through, to crawl out, to grab for him. Joyce spends all day near Hopper. It’s the one day Billy has ever seen her smoke a cigarette. Hop still tries to keep away from them, but he joins her out on the porch anyway, if only for a little bit. He always comes back inside fairly quickly so he can keep an eye on the door or something.

But now it’s 1988 and Will is 17 and the fear and the tremors of everyone’s body is gone. Jonathan and Billy come by to visit just because it’s what they do. No one clings to each other or jumps at sounds or shivers like it’s cold in their house even under blankets.

But Will still doesn’t go outside.

And it drives Billy crazy.

So he stands in Will’s doorway, looking at the boy laying across his bed, reading some nerdy book Billy would probably enjoy if he took the time to sit down and read it.

“Hey, pipsqueak-” His eternal name for Will, no matter the fact that he’s 17 now and reaching Billy’s height. “Wanna go grab some ice cream?”

Will doesn’t even look up from his book.

“It’s cold out.” is all he says, flipping the page. His foot starts to shake absently.

Billy rolls his eyes. “Alright, smartass, wanna grab some lunch?”

“I don’t have any money.” Will lies through his fucking teeth. The kid always has money, Billy knows it.

“I’d pay for you, kid. You know that.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Billy sits in his hip, tired and irritated.

“Alright fine. Wanna take a walk.”

“Not really.”

“And why not?”

Will looks up like Billy’s stupid. Billy’s just grateful to see him look up.

“It’s cold out.”

“I’ll wrap you up in every sweater you own, come on.” Billy says in his Big Brother Voice that he’s been using for years now. He grins a bit to see it still works on the younger boy, who’s eyes widen a bit with worry and whose face flushes a tad in nervousness.

“Why?”

“Because sitting around like a fucking vegetable isn’t healthy for you, c’mon. We can grab a cookie or something at the bakery on that corner let’s just do something. No one will miss us.”

It’s true. Everyone’s off doing their own thing. Jonathan is hanging out with Nancy in his room, who accompanied him on his visit. El is with Max outside, playing around on their own skateboards (Max got El one for Christmas last year). Hop and Joyce are cuddled up on the couch, watching reruns and laughing gently. Steve came along with Billy on the trip, but he was forced into a very long afternoon with Dustin and his mother. (Forced in the kindest way, obviously. The woman loves him and he loves their little family right back. She’s always knitting him sweaters and stuff.)

“I… I dunno…” Will says timidly. Billy crosses his arms.

“C’mon, what could you possibly have to do that’s more fun than hanging out with me?”

“Lots of things.” Will says through a crack in his voice.

Billy just doesn’t believe this shit, though. He lets the pause hang in the air, making his disbelief known.

“... what, did you get a boyfriend that you didn’t tell me about?”

That does it. Will’s face is beet red in a matter of seconds, his book falling loosely in his grip because suddenly other matters are a lot more pressing.

“...! Wha- uh! Don’t say that!”

Billy cackles. “Seriously, did you?”

“Cut it out!”

“If you don’t come with me on a walk, I’m gonna have to assume that you’ve got a boy hidden somewhere in your room.”

“Billy, cut it out.”

Billy pauses, shit eating grin consuming his face.

“He’s in your closet, isn’t he?”

“Billy!”

But Billy isn’t listening and Will isn’t moving from his spot on the bed, so Billy saunters up to Will’s closet with a mention of: “If it’s that Wheeler kid I swear he’s dead meat.”

“Billy shut up!” Will whines, book slammed shut and tossed onto his bed as he moves onto his knees to get off the bed and, presumably, go after Billy.

Billy swings the closet open to find-

Lots of clothes. No boys.

“Billy. I don’t have a boy in my closet.” Will seethes, which only makes Billy cackle more.

“And how was I supposed to know that? You got a new hair cut, maybe you turned into a real casanova.” Billy reaches a hand out to muss up Will’s new hairdo. Will swipes at Billy’s hands weakly. “Okay, get your jacket, lets go.”

Will whines lowly.

“It’s cold out.” He mutters, turning around to go on a search for a jacket.

“Get your thickest jacket and let’s go.”

So in a few minutes they’re saying goodbye to everyone, who only give Will farewells with the smallest of worry in them, and they set out through the trees and towards town.

It’s quiet. The space between them is nippy, but not too cold to breathe. Billy’s eyeing Will every now and then. His shoulders are so high his neck probably aches, his eyes are shifty but always make it back to the ground.

He’s growing into a handsome boy, and is still the same sweet kid Billy’s always known. It sucks to see him be so afraid of everything. He shouldn’t have to feel afraid in a place he’s always called home. Billy knows what it’s like to be afraid of home. Will doesn’t deserve that, not even for a second. There are so many gross, shitty kids in this town that don’t have the same kind of weight on their shoulders; don’t have to be worried about the same of the kind of memories that Will has. It’s not fair.

Will’s mouth starts moving like he wants to say something, but no words come out. Billy saves him.

“We don’t have to talk about anything.” He says, tilting his head up to the sky and watching the patchy gray clouds hover. There’s some kind of relieved sound that comes from Will’s small being. “It’s just…”

Billy sighs. He lets the cloud of his breath dissipate before he speaks again.

“It’s better to do anything. Anything but sit there and think about it.”

“I wasn’t thinking about it.” Will’s voice is small. Unconvincing.

“The more you sit around, the more you’re gonna think about it.”

Will doesn’t have a response to that, so Billy looks over at him. Sees his pensive face that falls into something like acceptance. Knowing.

Billy nudges Will’s shoulder with his arm.

“Trust me, pipsqueak. I know.”

Will gives a small smile. Insists he’s not a pipsqueak anymore. Billy insists he’ll always be one.

And they walk. They head to that little bakery Billy mentioned. They talk about boys and crushes, and Will’s face is red throughout the entire conversation. They talk about Billy and Steve. They talk about what life is like outside of Hawkins and how “You’re gonna love it, kid. I swear. You’re gonna love it.”

And Billy sees it on Will’s face. Sees Will relax. Sees Will melt into himself, even just a little bit, and finally believes that the boy will be able to move past this horrible feeling. This horrible anniversary effect. Sees Will and finally believes that he’s ready to move on.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #208

"if you want to soar with vultures, you'll have to swallow crow."

What may we call you? Brittany/Britt or Ozz/Ozzy. When can we send you a birthday card? (Figuratively, of course.): February 5th. And, where are you calling from? (Again, figuratively.): Please free me of the sweltering grip of North Carolina. What is your favorite Hostess/Little Debbie snack? BIIIIIIHHHHH that's too hard. I love that shit. I love the honeybuns, Twinkies, those little chocolate cupcakes... and really just most things lkdjalksdjwoe. Do you/your family buy loaf from the bakery or bagged on the shelf? Bagged. White, wheat or other? Mom usually buys whitewheat, but sometimes just wheat because she knows I prefer it. Have you ever fixed something without knowing just how you did it? I'm sure I have at some point. When was the last time you were on a plane? Last December. Where were you going and why? To Sara's for her birthday. What’s the best news you’ve gotten lately? Mom found a serious deal for a brand new Canon camera with more focal length range than my previous one and she bought it right in time for the wedding I shot yesterday. :') ^And, the worst? My niece may already be developing schizophrenia. If you could invent something, what would it be? Uhhhh... just one is hard. I literally just thought about this for like 5+ minutes and can't think of one singular invention that would actually be important. Well, maybe some sort of totally natural, long-lasting preservative for food? That'd help so many people and would greatly decrease the amount of fruits and such we waste, and it would also save money with probably slightly decreasing the frequency of grocery shopping. Tell me about your favorite pair of pants. I literally just have black yoga/dance pants lmao. Do you like getting dressed up? NO. Is your technology up to date? Depends on how "up-to-date" you mean. My stuff definitely isn't totally current. Ever been stuck next to someone really annoying on a LONG plane/train ride? Nah. Would you be embarrassed to find out you snored loudly in public? Yeah. Are you afraid of heights? Yes, to a degree. What is a compliment you get most often? "I like your hair"/stuff like that. Tell me about the last frightening/weird dream you had. This is hard, I like, never remember my dreams. Now, about the last pleasant dream you had. AHA I actually do remember this one: I got the rare-as-all-fuck and beautiful as all hell heavenly onyx cloud serpent in WoW, which I've tried getting every week for years. @_@ My eyes like popped open and I nearly gasped. Do you feel guilty about killing bugs? Sometimes. If there is a spider in your room, will you be up all night knowing that? YUP. How do you feel about coconut? I hate it. ^ Ever cracked one open? No. If you like someone, what do you do? Generally get shy and smile a lot when interacting with them. If you DON’T like someone, what do you do? Try to avoid being around them, keep talking to them to a minimum. What do you feel most insecure about? What DON'T I feel insecure about? Do you do your part to save the earth? I do what I can as not an independent adult (ex., I don't have my own car, so we don't drive to the dump). I turn the water off when brushing my teeth, I don't linger in the shower, I absolutely will not litter, things like that. Does it ROYALLY piss you off when your intended username is already taken? Yeesh, it doesn't even make me mad, it's just annoying. Describe your sunglasses. I don't have any. What’s the most you’ve spent on a pair of sunglasses? N/A ^Or, ladies, what about a purse? No clue, but definitely not a lot. Actually, what’s the most expensive clothing item/accessory you own? Again, I don't know. What is your favorite spoken language to listen to? Latin. Is there a TV switched on in the room you’re in? There is no TV. If so, what’s on? N/A What room of the house are you in anyway? My bedroom. Do you own anything that is special edition? I think some games, maybe? Maybe other things? Do you have any funky bookmarks? I have one of those moving 3D ones of meerkats. Do you know anyone with a British accent? Not personally. Are you reading any books at the moment? No. If so, tell me the plot briefly. N/A. When did you last get delivery pizza? A few weeks back. Drake Bell or Josh Peck? Back when the show was current, I preferred Drake. I know nothing about him now; Josh is cool, though. When was the last time you had a tick on you? EW idk I don't even wanna think about it. Do you watch Adult Swim? No, I hate it. It's crawling with immature humor. Have you been to the Grand Canyon? No. What is your favorite type of donut? Glazed or plain. Who usually makes dinner in your household? Mom. Name ALL the colors you’re wearing. Oh jeez, I have on a really colorful Day of the Dead-style skull tank top. Literally like every possible color. Are there more females or males in your family? Females. Have you submitted anything to Urban Dictionary? No. Did you have a Gameboy? If so, do you still have it? Yes to both. Is there a playground anywhere near your house? Define "near." Not very. Does anyone in your family snore loudly? Mom. What’s your favorite cereal? Probably Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Or Crunch Berries, the all berries kind. Do you read reddit? If so, how often and what subreddits do you like? No. Do you know anyone who’s had a baby recently? An old best friend from high school. When was the last time you ate marshmallows? Not since Sara was here and we had s'mores last summer. Do you listen to any podcasts? How do you listen to them? No. What brand of toilet paper do you usually buy? I don't pay attention to whatever Mom gets. Why did you leave your last job? The stress was giving me panic attacks. Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying? No. What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud? Probably Mark or GameGrumps. How old were you when you first became sexually active? 16. What’s your opinion on The Simpsons? I don't have one. Do you know anyone who has been through a divorce? Plenty of people. Do you have to pay for parking in most places in the town/city you live in? No. Can you hear lots of traffic from your house? Does it bother you? A moderate amount. We live on a busy road. Would someone being either a cat or dog person effect you dating them? No. What is the smallest thing you lose your temper over instantly? Hm, idk. Talk to me like I'm an idiot will definitely get me, actually. What’s a job that doesn’t get enough respect? Mfckn teachers. They are WAY WAY WAY underpaid. What did you take for granted until you visited another country? Never left the country. What is the worst first date you’ve been on? Tyler had a flat tire, and we had to walk to the gas station for something I don't remember and back to the sketchy tire place, and it was SO cold and windy. It didn't actually bother me, like he felt godawful and it wasn't like it was in his power, but from a date standpoint, yeah, that was an event. Who is your favorite scientist and why? I'm not educated enough on various scientists for this. Do you prefer emoticons or emoji? Emoticons. What’s the hardest task you’ve ever had to do? Open my mind in partial hospitalization to let Jason go and recover. How did you meet your pet? Teddy was from a friend of a family friend who knew we were looking for a dog. He was a present for me, so I didn't actually pick him, but rather Ashley chose the last remaining puppy with brown on him, and boy did she make the best decision. Roman was one of the shitload of kittens Ash's mother-in-law had; I was immediately drawn to him with his beautiful blue eyes. <3 Venus was from an online hub of ball python breeders, and I just absolutely fell in love with her colors. Kaiju and Mitsu were both from Craigslist. Do you look like any of your grand- or great-grandparents? I don't have a clue. Did/Do you have any PEZ dispensers? Oh yeah. Do you like grapes or raisins better? I only like grapes. What is the most extreme weather your area has ever experienced? I looked it up; the coldest in history is -9*, highest is 105*. Is there anything you plan on watching on TV today? No. Are there any broken appliances in your house? Maybe. Mom may still have my old Sager in hopes of fixing it one day or something, but I feel like we finally got rid of it. What color is the lampshade in the room you’re in? I don't have a lamp in here. At school, what is/was your worst area in math? I don't remember. Have Jehovah's Witnesses ever called to your door? Yes. Do you ever throw money in those ‘wishing’ wells? No. Waste of coins. Ever take money out of them? No. Are you well known by people in your area? No. What is the picture on the desktop on the computer you’re using? A meerkat. Have you ever had your future told? No. Do you 'spit on it’, to seal a deal? No no no ew. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? No, thank god. If so, have you had any scary hallucinations? N/A Do you believe in ghosts? Totally. Would you ever stay overnight in a haunted house? Sure thing. When was the last time you had an injection? What for? Months ago when I was getting a cavity filled at the dentist. For some reason, I would NOT go totally numb until they gave me like 5+ doses. Is there anything you cannot wait to be over? This eternally-looping groundhog's day bullshit. I want a job, to be in school, friends, just a damn purpose. Do you have any enemies? "Enemies," no. People I don't like that also don't like me, yes. What was the last thing you had done at the dentist? Speak of the dentist, lol. Said cavity filling. Do you scrunch your face up when eating sour things? No, I'm not very affected by sour things. As a child, did you ever get the chance to go to Disney World/Disneyland? World, yes. <3 Are you someone who is really committed to politics in your area/country? No. When was the last time you were on a boat? Where did you travel on it? Two summers ago when I was fishing with Colleen, her husband, and dad. Does your family ever have any kind of weird traditions in your house? No. What would you consider your favorite movie from a different decade? The Lion King. Do you ever take bubble baths only to relax yourself in some way? I never take any kind of bath. When was the last time you were sick? What were you sick with and why? I don't remember. Have you ever wanted your significant other to get rid of a friend? Yes, though I had serious reason, but I wasn't in any way demanding about it/nothing was actually affected by them remaining friends. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? They've both moved out. Do you know anyone who has or has had any kind of mental illness/disorder? I'd love to meet someone who can possibly say "no" to this. Do you ever go to Blockbuster? How frequently would you say you go? *stares off into the distance wistfully* Is your mother a stay-at-home mother or does she work somewhere? She never stops working. What food would you just want to disappear off the face of the earth? Nothing? I'm not going to take away the diet of people depending on some source I just happen to hate. Do movies with super heroes intrigue you in any way? Why is this? Yeah, I just like fantasy stuff, and I enjoy the majority of the plots. I also just enjoy the idea of superheroes existing. Do you watch those late-night talk shows? What’s the best part about them? No. Do you ever listen to music so you can actually change your emotion? I try to sometimes. Do you like shopping alone? I've never really shopped alone. Does your best girlfriend have any talents that you don’t? Yeah, like she can animate pretty well! Have you ever written a song? I wrote a fucking song to the Nintendogs theme as a kid lmfao. Does anybody send you money in the mail for your birthday? My grampa always did, but he's sadly passed away, so now, no. Do you own any shirts that have a year on it? Ha ha, I have a Back to the Future shirt stored somewhere with the date on it, and it says "I was there." What do you think about mullets? I absolutely hate them. Would you rather date an actor or an athlete? I find actors more talented. I'd be afraid of an athlete s/o getting hurt, too. Do you have any scratches on your cell phone? No. Somehow. When was the last time you blushed? I don't remember, it's definitely been a while. Who is one person you met and automatically didn’t like? A doctor for my tremors. She was a BITCH with just such an unlikable, dull personality. Never went back to her. Do you have any video game systems in your room? Which one(s)? I have a Nintendo DS Lite somewhere... and then my laptop is actually a gaming laptop. What movie coming out do you really want to see? The. Live action. TLK. First day? I'm fuckin' THERE son. Is your skin tone lighter or darker than your mom’s? We're about the same. What is the best thing about the beach? All I care about is if the water's warm. Have you ever done another person’s make-up? I gave Jason a makeover once lmao. Have you ever spied on your neighbor? No. Do you think they’ve ever spied on you? No. What color eyes does the last person you kissed have? Brown. Honestly, do you double dip? No, I break chips apart. I will if I'm eating by myself, though. What color is your birthstone? Purple. What is one thing you don’t like sharing? Hmmm. Oh, probably candy, lmao. Where on your body would you NEVER get a piercing? Downstairs. Which Adam Sandler movie do you like the most? He's been in so many, I don't have a clue. I like him, though. Who was one of your first celebrity crushes? Jesse McCartney was my husband. Did your parents ever read stories to you before bed? Mom did. What are you listening to? "Queen For Queen" by Motionless In White. Do you like hickeys? If they're not in an obvious spot. Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? No. When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? I don't have a best friend besides Sara, and I talk to her everyday. Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? Sara. Do you believe what goes around comes around? Not always. Do you have any summer plans yet? No. I'd like to go up and visit Sara, but I have no clue if that'll happen, especially with me trying so hard to get a job. Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? One. Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? Yes. Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Yes. Do you think age matters in relationships? To an extent when a minor is involved. Even huge gaps in adult relationships creep me out, but there's nothing morally wrong with it. How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? Two. Do you believe exes can be friends? It depends on the intensity of the relationship, I think. Plus what went wrong. Did you ever lose a best friend? Yeah. Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? Lol poor thing's seen me sob. Are most of your friend guys or girls? Girls. When was the last time you took a long drive? A few days ago to my psychiatrist. About an hour drive. Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? No. Have you ever TP'd someone’s house? Well, considering I've never been that damn immature, no. Who do you text the most? Sara. What was the last movie you saw? Detective Pikachu. It was cute, although I was expecting it to be more targeted towards an older audience with Ryan Reynolds playing Pikachu. (I knew nothing about it going into it.) Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? I'm monogamous. What do you most like about making out? The touching/caressing. Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? No. Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? No. Do you miss your last sweetie? Not romantically. It'd be nice to hang out again, though. Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? No. If you could kiss anyone who would it be? Y'all been known. What’s your favorite flavor of soda, pop or whatever else you call it? Blue raspberry. Have you ever attended a religious or private school? Yes; I went to Sunday school. How many cars does your household own? One. What time do you usually have dinner? 4:00 for fasting reasons. What’s your favorite meat? Probably chicken. Do you need glasses to read or drive or need them all the time? I always need them. Are you a very forgetful person? I'm so forgetful that I literally sometimes have borderline anxiety attacks that I'm developing dementia or something at age 23 lmao. What is the best gift anyone has ever gotten for you? My dog. Do you look anything like you did 3 years ago? I guess somewhat, though I was way bigger and my hair was much longer. Have you done something dramatic to your looks in the past year? No. Make up or no make up? I think everyone inevitably looks better with make-up as it enhances features and dulls imperfections, but I personally couldn't care less if you wear it or not. I almost never do, so I can't talk. What’s your favorite thing to watch on the TV? IF I was to watch TV now, probably things like animal documentaries. Would you rather be anorexic or obese? Actually go fuck yourself. Do you upload videos to YouTube? Definitely not regularly. I don't know the next time I'll make one. Do you own any albums by Michael Jackson? No. Do you like your phone on silent or vibrate? Vibrate. Do you like Beavis and Butthead? I don't watch it, but it honestly seems pretty damn stupid. What do you believe happens after we die? Who even knows, really. I believe there's something after we die, but we'll have to wait to find out what. Does the concept of eternity scare you? It kinda... does, actually? Like, wouldn't it get boring eventually? Are you happy that you were born and raised where you were? I suppose. Are your parents still together? No. Do you know anyone who is pregnant right now? Yes, and I want to see their fckng son he's gonna be so cute. She's due soon and I pray I get to take pictures of him. Is there a band you like but don’t like the people in it? Blood On The Dance Floor and Otep. Well, Otep is respectable in some areas, but all things considered, she is a bitch. What tabs do you have open right now? Fucking five YouTube tabs, dA, and Tumblr. Who was the last person to write on your wall on Facebook? No clue, and I don't feel like looking. Have you ever seen a tornado in person? Thank Christ in Heaven no. Are you between the ages of 30 & 40? No. How much was a gallon of gasoline when you first started driving? I have no clue, when I got my permit. What was your first car? N/A Who taught you how to drive? My driver's ed teacher and my mom. What was your high school mascot? A firebird. Did you go to your senior prom? Yes. What did you do after graduation? Honestly? I don't even remember, almost at all, lmao. I either went to Jason's or went home/Jason came with me. Any posters on your bedroom walls growing up? When Nicole and I shared a room, she literally covered the fucking walls in Jonas Brothers shit while I was at a friend's house, and I was. Very. Very. Unhappy. Do you remember the first time you drank a beer? I've never had beer, don't want to. Did you ever try cigarettes? No. How did you spend your summers growing up? Swimming, hanging out with friends, playing outside, riding bikes, playing softball with Dad, playing video games... If you could change anything from your teenage years, would you? Hey, could I have been like, a happy teenager??? Do you remember your first time? No considering at that time I didn't realize it essentially was sex, so it wasn't something that stood out at the time. After high school - straight to college or straight to work? I went straight to college. Favorite home-cooked meal growing up? Spaghetti. Favorite place to eat out growing up? It was probably McDonald's. How many stuffed animals do you own? I literally have multiple huge bags in the attic of childhood stuffed animals I couldn't get rid of, lmao. Are you good at comebacks? WOW no. When’s the last time you watched the news? I don't have the slightest idea. Do you love Christmas time? Of course. Do you really think that the number 13 is unlucky? No. What’s your favorite flavor of cough drops? Omggg I love those strawberry ones. Do you have a fan in your room? Yes. I wouldn't survive without it. Do you think Cookie Monster is cute? I don't really feel either way. Do you like candy canes? Yes. Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone? Yes. Which is worse: stuffy nose or runny nose? Probably stuffy? I don't have a runny nose much, but I've got pleeeenty of experience with stuffy noses. Which is worse: Sick to your stomach or sore throat? THE FORMER. What’s your favorite smiley face? c: Do you think your last relationship was a disaster? No. How many concerts have you been to? One. :/ Would you ever join a band? If I was actually talented with the guitar, maybe, but as things are now, nope. Which internet browser do you use? Chrome. Do you know anyone who is a firefighter? No. What was the last wedding you went to? Just a few days ago for a lady who contacted me about shooting hers. It was a great one, and honestly wonderful to see an interracial wedding here in the South. You do nooot see that everyday. What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? Margaritas. When was the last time you saw a photo of your ex? Probably the last time I was uploading pictures from my old phone; it's the one I take the once-a-year selfie because the Samsung camera is ACTUAL trash. Do you “binge-watch” TV shows? No. Well actually, on the occasions Sara and I have, I can only handle a handful at a time before I completely lose focus on it or, at that time anyway, interest. What is your opinion of clowns? I don't have one. Do you play any games on your phone? Only Pokemon GO if I'm somewhere I can actually play it. Do you plan ahead when it comes to your outfits? No. Have you ever shaved your face? We have this tiny automatic razor thing for your upper lip, and I use that like once a month or less because yay having dark body hair. What color is your front door? White. What was the last vaccination you got? Whatever those mandatory ones are when you become a teenager. Idr. Would you ever try herbal medicine as opposed to conventional medicine? No. If I need medicine for something, I'm using something I know works. Have you ever been to a petting zoo? I think as a kid? Do/did you have a curfew set by your parents? It wasn't heavily enforced, but Mom preferred I be home by 10 if I went somewhere. How many times have you consumed alcohol? *shrugs* When was the last time you wore a hat? What kind? I have noooo clue. When was the last time you sang an ENTIRE song? Good question. I rarely sing an entire song, rather just parts. Do you consider yourself to be attractive? I don't mind my face, but I do NOT like my body, so overall, no. Are you addicted to anything? Technology. What are you craving right now? I've had an insane craving for hot dogs on the grill for like a week now lmao. Mom's doing that and buying some drinks today for the two of us. I wanted my sisters to come for some family time, but my younger sister has homework, and then Ash and kids like... never come here. "Because of the dogs," according to her husband, but I don't believe that. Are you a forgiving person? I'm way too forgiving. Do you have a brother? Yes. Have you ever had a dream of stabbing someone? WHOA actually I think I semi-recently had a nightmare of me going ham stabbing someone for some reason I don't remember. What would you want your last words to be if you could choose them? "I love you" or then "see you on the other side" is cute to me and also indicates we'll be together again. So probably the latter. What band can’t you stand listening to? I reeeaaally dislike Mumford and Sons. His voice is awful. What is your favorite mystery/crime/FBI related show? Does Sherlock count as a mystery show? Would you ever have a bird as a pet? Nah. How’s your relationship between you and your grandparents? Not wonderful. I don't like her very much, and evidence says I'm not her favorite person, either. Do you have a photographic memory? No. Have you ever had to speak at a funeral? No. Do you know someone who’s been cremated? Hm, don't think so. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high? Yes. Your ex is on the side of the road, on fire. What do you do? Uh, call 911??? Dunk water on him if at all possible? I'm not just gonna drive past anyone who's on fucking fire. It’s 2 in the morning and you get a text message, who is it most likely? Sara. I only ever text her and Mom, and Mom would be right outside my door asleep, so. Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone? Is there anyone who hasn't? When was the last time you saw your father? Not since his birthday last month. Do you like any of Justin Bieber’s songs? No. Any time when you need to search something on the Internet, which search engine do you use? Google. Do you believe saving your virginity for marriage or no? I don't care. I believe in saving it for someone you truly, deeply love. When you were a kid, did you ever like Barney? Yes. Omfg I just remembered something with my older sister; when she was little, Barney was her "boyfriend." She was "talking on the phone" with him once, and when Mom interrupted her, she scoffed and said, "I'm talking to Barney." And then Ash and Barney had an ACTUAL "ceremony" for a divorce. That's a thing that happened. What’s the capital of state, country, or providence you live in? Raleigh. When you open your web browser, what is your home page set to? Why did you select this? Google. I think it was automatically set. Would you allow a camera crew to follow you around and make a reality series out of your life (no matter how boring it is) if you got paid well? Why? No. I'd get so fucking annoyed, I'd feel under constant scrutiny, and I don't want fame. If your car broke down would you call a friend or family member to pick you up or would you call AAA (or something like it)? I'd call my mom and listen to her on what to do from there. Do you put a lot of thought into the gifts you buy for people? YEAH. It's rare I actually have my own money to buy gifts for anyone, so when I can, I think hard. On an average day do your thoughts tend to be more positive or negative? Negative, I think. Do you ever trust anyone else to drive your car? If you don’t have a car, do your friends and family ever allow you to drive their vehicles? I don't have my own, but Mom lets me drive hers. Name at least one thing you like about each season. Winter: SNOW. Spring: Flowers!! Summer: swimming. Autumn: visuals. What amount of time do you think is perfect for a vacation? I guess a week?