#anyway this is about how i hate looking in the mirror

[deliriousbluebird]

I remember seeing this post at the dead of night on the day it was posted and just sobbing my heart out into my mattress because it had been so long since I had been able to look at one of those normally, not counting the calories, or putting it on the food scale. The oil on the pasta, the glaze on the cinnamon rolls, all the sugar in the hot cocoa and just the amount of calories in the bread; It scared me so much that I couldn’t do anything but cry as I thought how my life was before @na. I still remembered the flavors and how beautiful the aroma was. Yet all I could think about was how I could fit it into my omad and how many oz would be less than 300 calories.

I wanted to recover, so fucking bad, but what felt even worse was thinking how much I would have betrayed myself for not getting to my goal. I felt like I had to get to my goal or else all those months going to the doctors to get those fucking tests done, all the lying to the psychiatrist, all those days of fasting and nearly passing out would’ve been for nothing.

But with all the suffering that came with it, there was still a strange comfort and beauty that came with it. Seeing the stars in English after fasting for 3 days with a blanket over me in the warmly lit room, looking at the beautiful reflection in the mirror, 3lbs away from my goal weight knowing how close this was to all ending, the light headed feeling I felt while running, feeling truly free. It made me think it was all worth it. That this small, moment in my life was beautiful, and that there was nothing better than it. There was nothing better than 🌟ving my body from the nutrition it needed, watching my face become gaunt, my ribs more bold and my collarbones stick out.

I felt so happy. But it was killing me.

I could feel myself almost rotting away, starving, laying on my back in my bad, counting away the hours until I could eat again. I had no energy, and my body hurt too much to do anything anyways. My stomach bare, my legs getting weaker and worse. As much as I wanted to be seen as beauty and perfect by everyone, as much as I wanted go be satisfied with myself, I was so scared of leaving earth.

At night, I would go through episodes, seeing everything as too large and too expansive; Incomprehensible by the mind. All I could do was pace around my room hoping that the all too familiar feeling of dread would go away. But the only way I knew it was going to go away was by recovering. By recovering I had the chance to not die young like all the doctors were saying. I hate those doctors. As much as I in my right mind would think that they probably saved my life or whatever, I just wish someone would’ve been kind.

Because in all that time suffering, no one was ever kind about it when they found out. My mom would hold me to the wall while I was hysterical, trying to get me to take the god forsaken pills. My friend told me I was being over dramatic. The psychiatrist told me I would die. I genuinely do think I would’ve began recovery sooner if someone had hugged me, telling me that everything would be okay, that no matter how much it all hurt that I would be okay soon, I would be better. A regular hug though would’ve been nice too though.

When I began to recover, it wasn’t because I wanted to get better and improve myself and my mental health and shit. It was because I was fucking petrified of what would happen to me if I didn’t. I couldn’t bare the thought of ever being admitted to the hospital with a feeding tube, the thought of ever possibly losing control to them. I think would’ve been the very last straw before I gave up on myself.

I genuinely don’t think l’ll ever see food the same again. I still see the calories in the crackers and the sandwiches and the bowls and the soup and the cereal. I just eat it anyways because I don’t want to die yet. Every now and then though, I’ll go without food for 48 hours or so to remember what I once was.

I’ll miss when I was worse.

Hot girls have a healthy relationship with food!!!

[thatbitchery]

If I can point to one single source and say yeah that's the reason I'm little miss happy and little miss successful etc. etc. it has to be that there is not a single part of me that I hate. None. I actually love all of me. All of me.

First of all, what is love? love is the act of acting in the best interest of. That it. Thats it. Thats what love is- acting in the best interest of. Self love is acting in the best interest of yourself and maybe someday we will get to that today it's this- there isn't one single thing about me I hate. Which is 100% what ha s shifted my motivation from coming from a place of shame to coming from a place of love ie coming from my desire to act in the best interest of EVERY SINGLE PART OF Me.

When I was younger I hated the part of me that has ADHD because girl just focus for five minutes it's not that hard? Hated the part of me that has all this melanin because when I get injured it's immediately dark spots and ugh. Hated the part of me that grew up in a culture so inherently misogynistic and still wanted it's acceptance and validation. Hated the part of me that was poor and broke and ugly. Hated the part of me that was- you get it- and funny thing is I was more motivated back then. Me right now can NOT hold a candle to me from 17 that girl would swallow us up and spit us out she was a Beast. I wil never again in my entire life be as motivated and driven and ambitious as I was as a teenager and 21-23 that girl man. That girl , even I'm scared of her. The work ethic. The boundaries. The mind games. That was the most go getter I have ever been and shout out to her I am everything I am because she made me- except she was coming from shame and self rejection. She could focus for longer than I can because she was angry at herself for not being able to focus and went to destructive lengths to make it happen. She is way more powerful than I am because she had everyone in the room honestly a little scared of her the Alison De Laurentis way because she is a master manipulator mind games player human nature exploiter blackmailer but it was because she did not think people would just- actually like her and want to help her. Azula AU. I will never again be that stylish that hot that sexy but thats because I'm comfortable in my skin now, she would trek all of Exter in Louboutin knowing her feet hurt because it made her feel- you get it. On paper she was better than me I will never again be that badass, but it came from the wrong place. She was trying to cover up parts of herself she found unlikeable. Me now on the other hand I'll come to your party in crocs my love I'm nottttttt doing all that. Me rn yes I'm a master manipulator I love that shit I'll do it for fun just because I can but I don't feel the need to. And if I do I'll do it because I love myself enough to destroy you for me. I love the part of me that can't focus for long and I will give her all the amusements she wants as long as it does not inconvenience the other parts of me. Snack? At 3am? Okay how does granola sound princess? Trip ? To Seychelles? no mama a part of us hates planes what if we just do the beach haha. I can drive us there nine hours i don't mind anything for you princess. I look in the mirror and think wait damn we look a lil ugly today? Well it's not exactly my duty to be pretty so. Lip gloss and chill? Works for you? bc we don't do chapped lips in this house yk. If i get a cut I just slap a band aid on it and hope the scarring happens faster I hate open wounds get it done. Skin does that it scars when it's injured so what. Moving on. Do I like my culture? Some parts. Do I crave it's acceptance? 100% Will I seek it? LMAO no hehe. Anyway. NO single part of me is experiencing shame from me, or anyone. Not internal not external. Whatever we want, princess.

I can not, in any human or angelic language, explain enough how happy this shit has made me.

[littlelamy]

Incoming letter from Pope 💌

Hey,

Alright, I’m just gonna get straight to the point because I really hate beating around the bush. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, and honestly, it’s been bugging me for longer than I care to admit. So, here it goes—how would you feel about going on a date with me?

Look, I know what you’re probably thinking. Pope Heyward? The guy who’s always got his head in the books, who tends to overthink everything, and doesn’t exactly have the greatest track record when it comes to... well, talking to people. Yeah, I get it. I know I’m not the most obvious guy to ask someone out, and maybe that’s why I’ve been holding back, but here’s the thing—life’s too short to keep waiting for the “perfect” moment. It’s not like I have some kind of flawless game plan for this. I don’t have some elaborate speech planned out, and I definitely didn’t rehearse this in front of a mirror or anything... no, I swear I didn’t do that. But I guess what I’m trying to say is, I think you’re worth the shot.

You know, sometimes people don’t see things right in front of them, and they’re too busy focusing on other crap. You’d think that after all the crazy stuff I’ve been through, I’d have a better handle on this, but no—this whole asking you out thing? It’s messing with my head, and that’s saying something because I like to think I’ve got a pretty solid grip on things. But I don’t know, there’s just something about you that makes me want to take that leap. And maybe it’s stupid, but I’m willing to risk it. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? You say no? Okay, cool. At least I’ll know. But, if you say yes? Well, that’s when things could really get interesting.

I’m not trying to pretend like I’m some smooth talker. Hell, I’d probably say something awkward and stumble over my words. It’s just who I am, you know? I mean, I could try to come up with some clever way to ask you out—say something profound, maybe even try to charm you—but the truth is, I don’t have any fancy lines. So, I’m just gonna be honest and say that I’d really love to take you out sometime. No gimmicks, no act. Just me, you, maybe some pizza, and hopefully a decent conversation. Sound like something worth trying?

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I kind of suck at putting myself out there. I mean, I’ve had some opportunities before, and I’ve kind of just... let them slip by. Part of me feels like I should’ve just asked earlier. I know I should’ve, but then I get caught up in overthinking and second-guessing myself. I mean, I do it all the time. I think I’ve spent way too much time imagining different scenarios in my head, so much that I’ve worked myself into a nervous wreck even thinking about it. But here’s the thing: I’m not getting any younger, and I sure as hell don’t want to look back and regret not giving this a shot. So, here I am, hoping you’ll just give me a chance to prove I’m worth it. You’ve got nothing to lose, right?

Now, I know what you might be thinking—what makes me think I’m the right person to ask you out? And honestly, I get it. But I’ve been around enough to know what I want, and what I want right now is to get to know you better. Sure, we’ve hung out here and there, and yeah, I’ve probably made a fool of myself a few times already. But here’s the thing—I’m not perfect, and I don’t expect you to be either. We all have our flaws, and I think we could really learn a lot from each other.

So, I’m just gonna put it out there. I’m not trying to force anything or rush you into a decision. Hell, you don’t even have to give me an answer right away. But just think about it, alright? Maybe you could give me a shot to show you what I’m about. We could do something simple, like grab a drink or check out that new restaurant you mentioned. Nothing too crazy. Maybe I’ll even let you pick where we go. I promise, I won’t drag you into a weird, over-the-top date that makes you want to bolt for the door. I mean, I’ll try my best not to, anyway.

But hey, I don’t know. Maybe I’m just crazy for thinking you’d want to go out with me, or maybe you’re sitting there wondering if this whole thing is just some weird joke. It’s not, though. This is real, and I’m not messing around. I’m honestly trying to put myself out there and take a chance because I think you’re amazing. So, that’s where I’m at.

If you say yes, then great. I’ll probably be a little nervous (okay, a lot nervous), but I promise I’ll do my best to make it worth your time. If you say no... well, I’ll respect that. But I’ll still be glad I asked. I won’t hold it against you, and I’m not going to be awkward or weird about it, I swear. I’m just trying to do something that feels right, even if it’s a little terrifying.

Anyway, I don’t want to drag this out too much longer. You probably get the gist of it by now. I’m asking you out because I think you’re worth it, and I’d like to see where things could go. No pressure, though. Just... think about it.

So, what do you say? Want to go grab some pizza with me sometime?

Pope

taglist: @namelesslosers @maybanksangel @averyoceanblvd @iknowdatsrightbih @rafesheaven @anamiad00msday @ivysprophecy @wearemadeofstardust0 @rafesangelita @sstargirln @rafedaddy01 @soldesole @bakugouswaif @skywalker0809 @vanessa-rafesgirl @evermorx89 @outerhills @ditzyzombiesblog @slavicangelmuah @alivinggirl @nemesyaaa

[darkfalcone]

Running From My Shadow - 1

pairing: toxic!kate bishop x reader; dark!yelena belova x reader

warnings: noncon, fingering, verbal humiliation, gaslighting, knifeplay, toxic kate, face slapping, finger sucking, threats of violence, choking, threats of fisting,

summary: When you meet Yelena for the first time, she unfortunately takes a liking to you.

zhadnaya devushka - greedy girl | сука - bitch | edited by my lovely girlfriend @specialinterestshows 🩵🥰

a/n: i can't sleep so i might as well repost the dark fics from my main to here lol

You were invited to an Avengers’ event. Kate had explained that she really wanted you to go; she didn’t want to be alone and with you keeping her company, it wasn’t going to be as bad. Of course, you instantly agreed, and Kate bought you an outfit - even though you insisted that you had something to wear. You sighed. Looking in the mirror, a part of you felt bad that she bought it - especially since you knew it was expensive. But when Kate came up behind you, you shook the thoughts away.

“You look so gorgeous, (your favorite color) really suits you,” Kate smiled, kissing your neck. She wore a matching suit to your outfit - which always made you want to see her in more suits.

“Thank you,” you smiled. “So what’s this event for anyway?”

“Hell if I know, I was just told to show up and that’s when I asked if I could take you with me,” she admitted, causing you to laugh.

“I hope it’s not boring,” you admit, and Kate nodded in agreement.

“I don’t think it’ll be boring knowing Tony. The only thing I need to warn you about is that my ex, Yelena, will be there and if she tries anything please tell me,” she pleaded, causing you to give her a confused look.

“Why would she do anything? Or I should ask: what would she do?” you questioned, but Kate shook her head.

“Nevermind that, just… tell me if she does try something,” she said, refusing to answer your question.

You decided to drop it, not wanting to push the matter further. If Yelena tried anything, you would tell Kate no matter what. Although you had decided to drop it, you couldn’t help but wonder why Kate was so adamant about it. You made a mental note to ask Cassie later, knowing that she would be able to tell you since she was close to Kate.

The car ride was quiet but comfortable - you were a little nervous, this being the first time you were meeting all of them (except Cassie and Carol). You looked at Kate, who smiled back at you - placing her hand on your thigh as she leaned in. A part of you hoped whatever she was about to say wasn’t going to be heard by the driver. You licked your lips nervously as she chuckled in your ear.

“Maybe if you’re a good girl tonight, I’ll fuck you the way you’ve been wanting me to,” she whispered, pulling back as she watched your facial expression. You bit your lip hard, trying to suppress the sound that threatened to come out.

“Please,” you whispered, squeezing your thighs together. You hated how easy it was for Kate to get you desperate, especially when the driver could hear the two of you.

“You gotta wait until we get back home and then I’ll give you what you want,” she smirked, bringing her hand up your thigh. You nodded - not trusting your voice anymore.

Twenty minutes later, the two of you arrived at your destination. Kate got out quickly, rushing to your side of the car so she could open your door. Once you got out and Kate shut the door, she pulled you into her arms.

“Katie,” you whimpered as she kissed your neck. You knew she was teasing you, but as soon as you heard someone cough, you pulled away as quickly as you could.

”Oh, Kate Bishop,” a woman with a thick Russian accent sang, causing Kate to turn around quickly. “Who is this?”

“She’s my girlfriend, Yelena,” Kate snapped, causing the blonde to laugh.

So this was Yelena, you thought to yourself as Yelena turned her attention towards you.

“I’m Yelena. You?” she asked, ignoring the glare Kate was giving her.

“(Your Name),” you gave her a small smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”

You brought your hand out for her to shake - Yelena gripped your hand roughly, causing you to whimper. You stayed quiet out of nervousness as the two of them talked. Finally, Kate turned to you and asked if you’d like to come with her to the bathroom. You agreed, figuring that she just wanted you to accompany her.

As soon as the two of you reached the bathroom, Kate pulled you in and locked the door.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” you asked, wanting to make sure Kate was okay. She was good at hiding her emotions with everyone else, but you knew her better than that.

“It’s just- Yelena… whenever I date new people, she develops an attitude that ends up ruining things,” Kate admitted, but you still weren’t sure why she would do that. “Yelena is my ex-girlfriend and I should have told you this sooner, but I didn’t want you to get angry: We’re friends, but I barely see her.”

“Kate, I’m not upset or even angry; I’m just not understanding why you’re so worried about her with me. I hope you know that I love you and I only want to be with you,” you stated, causing Kate to shake her head.

“No, no. I promise you that I trust you. It’s really just her,” she admitted, and you nodded.

“I’m going to go get a drink. Meet me out there?” you suggested.

“Yeah, I won’t be too long,” Kate agreed, pulling you into a kiss before you left the bathroom.

You could tell Kate didn’t want to agree - that she wanted to keep you close by. A part of you thought she was overreacting, but another part of you really believed that she didn’t trust you. You didn’t know Yelena and maybe she had a reason to be nervous, but it was beginning to irritate you.

As you left the bathroom and made your way to the bar, you weren’t sure why you were so nervous. Of course, there was the fact that you were meeting superheroes, but that wasn’t quite what made you nervous.

When you sat down, you asked for water, unsure if you wanted to actually drink. You took a sip as Yelena sat down next to you, tensing up as she reached over and rubbed your back.

“Where’s Kate Bishop?” Yelena asked, watching as you sat the glass of water down on the table.

“Bathroom. I told her that I’d meet her over here,” you stated, making Yelena to shake her head.

“That’s such a shame,” she smirked.

You gave her a confused look, but before you could ask what she meant, the bartender came up to her. You watched as she ordered a drink with ease, your nerves began to rise as you waited for Kate to get out of the bathroom. You didn’t know Yelena and all she was doing was making you uneasy. You didn’t want Kate to get the wrong idea, knowing that she was already on edge.

As soon as the bartender walked away, you spoke up, “Why is that a shame?”

Yelena licked her lips, causing your stomach to turn. You weren’t sure why she was making you feel so anxious, but she was doing it well.

“Because if you were mine, detka, I’d be taking you in the bathroom,” she admitted, smirking at the disgusted look plastered on your face. You wanted to believe that you heard her wrong, but the way Yelena was smirking at you told you that you heard her perfectly.

“Excuse me? Why would you say that?” you snapped.

“What? I’m just being honest,” she shrugged, finally taking a sip of her drink. “Do you want me to lie to you, (Your Name)?”

“No, but you don’t need to be so…” you trailed off as Kate came into your field of vision.

You needed to tell Kate, but Yelena gave you a warning look. You swallowed nervously, making a mental note to tell Kate about it later.

Kate didn’t say a word, pulling you into a heated kiss. You closed your eyes, trying your best to focus on Kate, but all you could really think about was, unfortunately, what Yelena had said. Kate wasn’t overthinking at all. You pulled away as soon as you realized that Kate was trying to show off to Yelena. You weren’t sure why Kate was acting like this now, considering you had never seen her like this before.

You licked your lips, watching as Kate caught her breath. You were just about to say something when a redhead walked up to the two of you.

“Yelena. Hey Kate, this must be (Your name)? I’m Natasha,” she smiled, sticking her hand out.

“Yes, I’m (Your Name), it’s nice to meet you.” You took her hand, shaking it firmly before she turned her attention to Kate once more.

“Hey, Clint wants to talk to you for a second,” Natasha said, and Kate looked over at you.

“Go ahead, I’ll be here,” you smiled.

Kate kissed you once more before she followed Natasha through the crowd. Once she was out of eyesight, Yelena stood up from her seat. Getting closer to you, Yelena leaned in and whispered, “Don’t ever tease me like that again, do you understand?”

You moved a few inches away from her, giving her a confused look. “What are you on about? I was kissing my girlfriend.”

“Right in front of me like some whore. Does Kate know that she’s dating such a filthy fucking whore?” Yelena questioned. She moved closer, making sure that no one was paying attention to the two of you.

“Leave me alone,” you said, moving away from her. “You have no right to say those things to me. I love Kate. I’m with Kate and you will never say anything to me again.”

With that, you made your way through the crowd to find Kate.

——

On the way back to Kate’s apartment, you were quiet. You weren’t sure how to bring everything up - or how Kate would react to it. You knew you were going to have to say something, not wanting Kate to accuse you of hiding it from her. You just needed to find a way to go about it.

“You’re so quiet, baby. Is everything okay?” Kate asked, placing her hand on your thigh.

“Yeah, I’m just a little tired. That’s all,” you said, which wasn’t a complete lie. You were exhausted and you needed to sleep. “Are you okay with me spending the night tonight?”

Kate laughed, shaking her head, “I’ve told you this already, you can spend the night any time you’d like.”

You gave her a small smile, “Thank you.”

——

When the two of you got to her apartment, you thanked the driver before heading inside. You took off your shoes at the door before making your way to the couch. You were exhausted - mentally more than anything. It was a great party and everyone was nice to you, but you couldn’t stop thinking about the way Yelena had acted towards you. You had done nothing to warrant it, which you knew bothered you more than anything else.

Your thoughts were interrupted when Kate wrapped her arms around your waist, pulling you back so you were against her chest. You tried your best to wiggle away from her, but her grip was too strong. Kate kissed the back of your neck, chuckling as you struggled in her arms.

“Kate, I’m not really in the mood tonight,” you said, causing Kate to move away from you quicker than you expected. She bit her lip and you knew she was upset now.

“Why? Before the party you were begging me to fuck you. What’s changed?” she asked defensively.

“I’m just tired, that’s all.” you said, giving her an odd look. You weren’t sure why she was acting like that; you had been tired before when she had wanted to fuck you and she had never acted like that.

You stood up from your spot, shaking your head, “I think I’m going to go to sleep at my apartment tonight.”

Kate stood up, following you to the door. “Wait, why?”

“I just want to sleep in my own bed, okay? There’s no other reason?” you said. You didn’t want to put up with Kate’s new attitude.

“Babe, I’m sorry, I’m just on edge because of Yelena,” Kate sighed, making you shake your head.

“If you don’t trust your friend, that’s fine. But you should be able to trust me,” you said, trying your best to avoid looking at Kate’s face. You knew she was pouting, trying her best to get you to stay, but it wasn’t going to work. You were upset and Kate was making things much worse than they already were.

“I-” Kate began, but you stopped her before she could get any more words out. You weren’t going to give in to her - you were going to stand your ground, because in any other situation both you and Kate knew you’d give in. But this time? This time was going to be different. You had to make it different.

“I’m leaving, I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” you snapped, opening her apartment door.

“At least let me get you a cab?” she offered, a look of defeat on her face.

“No, I’m good, I’ll walk.” you said before walking out of the door.

——

It was a bit chilly out and you hugged yourself as you walked down the street. You were beginning to regret not letting Kate get you a ride home, but you needed to show her that she couldn’t just pretend she wasn’t acting the way that she was. At least your apartment wasn’t too far away from hers, so the walk wasn’t too bad.

As you continued walking, you began to feel as if someone was watching you. Shaking your head, you pulled out your phone to give your legs a bit of a break. You needed music - something - to keep your mind busy. Seeing the twenty text messages and three missed calls from Kate, you almost turned around and went back to her. After all, you loved her and you were just upset with the situation.

You took a few deep breaths before turning around. You didn’t want to be away from Kate, considering it would have been your first night away from her in months. But, as you turned around, you let out a gasp seeing Yelena standing behind you.

“Where’s Kate Bishop?” Yelena asked, crossing her arms to her chest.

“At her apartment,” you said, short and quick, before you attempted to walk past her. To your surprise, she held her hand out to your chest to stop you.

“Not so fast, (Your Full Name), I just want to talk,” Yelena said, looking in your eyes. She smiled as you turned your head, avoiding eye contact with her.

“I’ve got to go, I can’t,” you said, trying to push away her arm, but Yelena was much stronger than you.

“Not even for five minutes? I think that’s quite rude. You’re going to talk with me, now,” was all she said before dragging you into the nearest alleyway.

“What-!” You gasped, trying your best to pull away from Yelena - you weren’t sure why she was doing this or what she was planning on doing with you. “Let me go!”

When you screamed, Yelena pushed you onto the ground roughly, causing you to cry out. “Shut the fuck up! You don’t want to attract any attention, do you?”

You ignored her, still in shock with the sudden change of attitude. You shouted, “Yelena, that really fucking hurt!”

“Oh, you think that hurt? Poor baby,” Yelena laughed, rushing towards you.

Yelena kicked you in the ribs as hard as she could. When you wrapped your arms around yourself, Yelena got down on one knee, grabbing you by the neck roughly. “Did that hurt, pretty baby?” she teased.

You spat towards her, surprising yourself when it landed on her face. To your horror, Yelena wiped it away and proceeded to lick it off her hand. “Stand up, now,” Yelena demanded, her cold demeanor coming back. You shook your head.

“I’m not getting up, fuck you,” you spat, backing away as Yelena stood up.

Pulling out a knife from what seemed like nowhere, Yelena gave you a small smile. “I said stand up. Now.”

Although you were scared, a part of you knew that, realistically, she wasn’t going to hurt you with that knife. Maybe she would and you’re just being too confident, but you needed to be. You had just met her, and this is how she was going to act? You knew it was stupid of you, but that was going to help you fight.

“And I said no,” you snapped back.

You squealed in surprise as Yelena got on top of you faster than you could process. Yelena held the knife to your throat, adding a little bit of pressure and smiling when you whimpered.

“I can see why Kate loves you so much. Unfortunately for you and her, I like taking her things,” Yelena whispered, leaning her head down so her mouth was near your ear. “And you don’t want to stand up? That’s fine, I’ll take you right here on the dirty ground. It’s fitting, really.”

“I- what do you mean by ‘take’?” your eyes widened, but Yelena just sat up, straddling your waist.

You squeezed your eyes shut, not wanting to watch as Yelena cut your shirt open. “God, this bra looks so good on you from just the light of the lamp above us. Kate bought it for you?” she asked, amusement laced in her voice that made you sick.

Yelena slapped you across the face, “I believe I asked you a question and really, (Your Full Name), I don’t think you’re in any position to ignore my questions. The next time you ignore a question, you won’t be given a warning.”

“K-Kate did buy it for me,” you whispered.

“See, was that so hard?” Yelena sighed, shaking her head.

Yelena cut your bra, licking her lips as she got a good look at your tits. “Now I get it: Kate pays for all your nice things and in return, you let her fuck you.”

“What-“ you began, but Yelena clapped her hand onto your mouth.

“You’re being too loud. There’s people coming and if you so much as make one little sound, I’ll slit your throat right here with no hesitation. Nod if you understand, slut,” she whispered.

You hesitantly nodded your head, earning a predatory smile from Yelena.

“Good girl. As soon as they’re far away, I’m going to fuck you better than Kate Bishop ever could, and you’re going to take it like the good girl that you are. Then I’ll send you on your way, okay? Nod if you understand,” she instructed. You nodded as you watched a group of women walk past the alley that the two of you were in.

After six minutes of waiting, Yelena finally moved her hand away from your mouth. “Such a good girl. I’m going to put the knife away, so don’t give me another reason to bring it back out. You won’t like me then,” she warned, moving down so she could unzip your pants. “Matching panties too? God, Kate Bishop has such great taste, I can give her that.” Yelena smiled, pulling your pants off you, along with your underwear.

You watched as she grabbed your underwear, putting it into her pants pocket. “A little souvenir. Spread your legs for me.”

You stood still, not wanting to do anything she wanted you to. Yelena raised an eyebrow, reaching for her knife again, causing you to open your legs faster than you expected to. Yelena brought her hand down hard against your pussy. You cried out, turning your head to look at the wall as she slid a single finger into you.

“God you’re so wet, are you sure you don’t want me to fuck you? I bet I could make you come with just one finger. You’re so fucking pathetic, you know that? I want you to say it. I want you to say: I’m such a slut, I’ll let anyone fuck me,” Yelena snapped, curling her finger inside of you, causing you to squeeze your legs together. Yelena wasn’t allowing this – pulling out her knife, she cut you a little on your stomach. You cried out, causing Yelena to laugh. “Oh, don’t be so dramatic. It’s not even that deep, you’ll live. Now, be a good fucking girl and keep your fucking legs open.”

“There you are, let me see that pretty pussy of yours. You know, even in this alley, with the lighting not being the best, you, (Your Full Name), have such a pretty cunt that I can’t wait to ruin,” Yelena commented and you realized that she was more so talking to herself than you.

Yelena added a second finger, picking up her pace as she brought the pad of her thumb to your clit. Rubbing hard and rough circles, she watched as you bit your lip, trying to keep yourself quiet. “You know, I almost waited until you got to your apartment. I was waiting outside of Kate’s apartment. Oh? That’s your spot, isn’t it? Go on, you’re allowed to come as much as you want. But, as I was saying before, I was following you down the street, but you looked too good to wait a few more blocks.”

“Please…” you whimpered, causing Yelena to still her fingers.

“You want more? Zhadnaya devushka, don’t worry; I’ve got something much, much better for you,” Yelena said, pulling her fingers out of you and bringing them to her mouth as she brought her other hand to her zipper.

You lifted your head just as Yelena pulled her pants down to the middle of her thighs. She roughly pushed your legs further apart before moving so she was laying on top of you. Lining up the tip of the toy to your entrance, Yelena bottomed out in one rough thrust, laughing lightly as you cried out in pain. “Aw, what’s the matter? Were you not ready for my cock? You’re so wet, I don’t think you’re really in pain. You wanted me to fuck you since the moment you saw me.”

“N- no! No, I didn’t. I love Kate!” you snapped, trying to push Yelena off of you. You felt gross and cold, and you wanted nothing more than to go back to your apartment. Yelena continued to fuck you at a bruising pace, not allowing you a break.

“Oh? You love Kate Bishop? Then why are you letting me fuck you on this dirty ground while she’s at home all alone?” Yelena whispered in your ear, bringing her hand to your right nipple.

Yelena licked her lips as you let out a pained gasp, “Or maybe we should call her? Let her know how much of a whore her girlfriend really is? How does that sound?”

“Please no-!” you yelled, causing Yelena to slap you as hard as she could with the hand that was playing with your nipple.

The force of the hit causing you to stop fighting and you began to stare up into the night sky as Yelena continued to fuck you. You should have stayed at Kate’s, or at least let her order a cab for you, yet here you were. You were going to have to tell her as soon as you could.

“Fuck, you take me so well, I’m going to have to get a much bigger strap huh?” Yelena moaned as she continued to fuck you.

After a good ten minutes, Yelena pulled out of you. “I see you didn’t come, and that’s completely okay! You can’t tell me you didn’t have fun, though.”

You sat up, wiping away your tears as soon as Yelena stood up. You didn’t want her to be around you any longer than she had to. Grabbing her jacket that you hadn’t noticed she took off and handed to you. “Here, wear this on your way back to your apartment, I can’t have you going home with nothing on.”

You reluctantly took it from her, putting it on before you put your pants back on. “I want my underwear back.” You said, looking at the ground as you stood up. You needed a hot shower, and you wanted nothing more than to get away from her.

“You want your panties back?” she teased. You and her both knew that she heard you correctly.

“Yes…” you whispered, flinching as Yelena got closer to you.

“If you want them back, all you have to do is give me a kiss,” Yelena laughed, causing you to zip up the jacket she had given you.

“Just keep it and leave me alone, okay?” you said before walking out of the alley.

“Oh, (Your Name),” Yelena called out, causing you to turn around and face her. “If you tell anyone, I’ll hurt you. Understood? I know where you work, where you live, where you go for fun when you’re not spending time with Kate Bishop. I can take you out faster than anyone would or could notice. I mean it, (Your Name).”

You didn’t say a word - only nodding before you walked away and headed towards your apartment. You weren’t going to sleep tonight - you knew it. Maybe after your shower you’d pick up reading? Maybe that will keep your mind off of what Yelena did to you? All these questions ran through your head as you walked home. You took your time, not seeing a point in rushing home.

You flinched as your phone rang and when you saw that it was Kate, you breathed a sigh of relief for a good moment before realizing that you couldn’t tell Kate what had just happened. Not now, not ever. You took a deep breathe, finally answering her phone.

“(Your Name), what have you been doing that was more important than answering me? What the fuck? I said I was sorry, why can’t you just accept that?” Kate snapped, causing you to realize that you had been crying. You were just a block away from your apartment now - no Yelena in sight, thankfully.

“I-I’m sorry, I had my phone on silent and I decided to go for a walk when I got home. I’m sorry for not answering,” you apologized. You knew you weren’t so much in the wrong, but you also knew if you didn’t say what she wanted to hear, Kate was going to hold onto it for a while and that was something you didn’t need to deal with on top of what just happened.

“Well, next time you need to answer right away, okay? How about you come back here and show me how sorry you are? You weren’t listening to me: I trust you babe, it’s Yelena that I don’t,” Kate pleaded, causing you to sigh.

You should have listened to her - this was all your fault.

You began to cry harder, trying your best not to be too loud. The last thing you needed was for Kate to hear you and ask a bunch of questions. “Can I come first thing in the morning? I’ll bring us food and some movies, and-and I’ll even bring my switch and we can play some games!”

“Sounds like a plan. And bring your collar, I want to fuck you during the movies you bring,” Kate said, and you bit your lip as hard as you could. You didn’t want her to touch you, but you knew that she would grow suspicious if you denied her. You needed to act as if Yelena didn’t hurt you and that everything was okay. “Maybe if you’re a good girl, I’ll buy you some stuff that I’ve been wanting you to wear?”

You wiped away your tears as you finally reached your apartment complex. “You don’t have to, really. I still have a few things I haven’t worn yet.”

“Well, I’m gonna head to bed. I love you,” Kate said.

You swallowed. “I love you too.”

As soon as she hung up on you, you reached your front door. Looking around before pulling your keys out, and once more before unlocking it and walking in. You shut the door quickly, locking the door and making sure that it was locked three times before you turned on a light. You hated feeling like this, hated feeling like Yelena was going to pop out of nowhere like she did.

You walked around your living room, making sure your side door was locked completely, along with every window. Making your way up the stairs, you continued to look behind you until you made to the second floor. You rushed to your room, closing the door and shutting it. You locked your bedroom door and ripped off the jacket she had given you. Kicking it underneath your bed, you pulled your pants down and kicked them across the room. Rushing into the bathroom that was connected to your room, you turned on the shower and got in. You just needed to get the dirt off of you as well as the feeling of Yelena’s touch.

Trying your best not to cry, you scrubbed your skin as hard as you could. You wanted to desperately tell Kate, but couldn’t. Even if you could, would she actually believe you? Would she accuse you of wanting to fuck her the moment you saw her at the party? You wanted nothing more than to forget about it, but your mind was racing. Thankfully you weren’t going to ever see Yelena again and that made you feel a lot better, but you knew tomorrow you were going to have to let Kate fuck you, or she would know something was wrong.

“Fuck!” you shouted, turning off the water.

You got out of the shower, grabbing the towel from the rack before drying yourself off. You didn’t feel like putting clothes back on - crawling into your bed, you closed your eyes, letting sleep take over.

—-

You woke up, squeezing your thighs shut as you felt something touch your pussy. Snapping your eyes open once you were awake enough and alert, you turned to see Yelena sitting next you just as she slid two fingers inside you. Taken by surprise, you opened your mouth to scream, but Yelena shoved two fingers into your mouth with her other hand.

“Don’t be too loud, don’t want the neighbors to know much of a pathetic, cheating slut you are. Or do you want that? Want them to come over and fuck you next after me?” Yelena asked teasingly. “Oh what? Mouth too full to speak? How cute.”

Yelena continued to fuck you with her fingers, quickly adding a third. “God, you’re taking my fingers like a champ. I don’t think I’m ever going to stop visiting you,” she stated, licking her lips. She removed her fingers from your mouth, her eyes glued on you as you squeezed yours shut.

“Please…” you whimpered, trying to fight the orgasm that was fast approaching. “Please stop, Yelena, please.”

“You sound so fucking good when you beg,” Yelena complimented you, causing you to feel sick to your stomach. Yelena pulled her fingers out of your pussy and brought them up to your mouth. “Spit.”

When you didn’t, she shrugged, “No fun.” before bringing them to her own mouth. She spat once, and then twice before bringing them back down to your pussy.

Yelena pushed all three fingers back into you before adding a fourth one. “Wow, you know, for someone who really doesn’t like this, you sure are wet enough to take my whole fist. Let’s see if you can, shall we?”

You shook your head, bringing your hand that wasn’t near Yelena and punching her as hard as you could. To your surprise, she didn’t flinch at all.

“Really?!?” Yelena snapped, “Cукa. If you’re going to hit me, you should maybe hit me a little harder - that was just pathetic.”

“You’re the pathetic one, having to force yourself on someone. What? Nobody wanted to fuck you?” you snapped.

You gasped as she grabbed you by the throat roughly. “I can have anyone I want, but I chose you. You should be grateful I’m fucking you.”

Yelena let go of your neck, looking down and smiling when she realized how much of a mess you were making. When you accidentally let out a noise you had been holding in for who knows how long, Yelena’s smile grew bigger. “Oh? Are you about to come for me?” Yelena asked, even though she knew the answer already.

You shook your head, trying your best to deny what was approaching fast. “You can come, baby, really. But, I want you to say that I fuck you better than Kate while you do.”

“N-No!” you cried out, trying to pull at her wrist, but once again, she was too strong.

“Do I need to hurt you?” Yelena asked. When you shook your head, she sighed, “Then say it. I can feel you squeezing my fingers. You’re so close, (Your Full Name), come on, be a good girl and say it.”

You bit your lip, but when Yelena wrapped her hand around your throat and squeezed, you choked out, “You… you fuck me better than Kate!”

“What was that? I couldn’t quite hear that,” she teased, letting go of your neck.

“You- you fuck me better than Kate, please-” you cried out as you came.

Yelena continued her pace as she fucked you through your orgasm, allowing you to ride it out before she removed her fingers. Bringing them to your mouth, she shoved two of her fingers as far as she could get them. She pulled them out as you began to gag. “You really need to work on that gag reflex, (Your Full Name). Does Kate not fuck your face?”

You looked down at your hands, refusing to look at Yelena longer than you already had. “How did you get in? I made sure I locked everything,” you said, hoping she would be honest with you.

“Oh, now why would I tell you that?” she teased. “Have fun at Kate’s, but remember, if you tell her…”

“I won’t, I won’t,” you said, hoping she would be satisfied with your answer.

“Good girl. Have fun.”

With that, Yelena walked out of your room and, you assumed, down the stairs. Turning to look at the clock, you sighed when you realized it was only seven in the morning. You had two hours before Kate was expecting you, but a part of you wanted to cancel - to lie and tell her you were sick, but you knew she would never fall for that. You dragged yourself out of bed and once you grabbed the clothes you wanted to wear, you took a long, hot shower again.

You packed a bag: a few outfits, some movies, and your switch, and called Kate to see if she was up. After the second ring, she answered, “Hey babe,” she said, and you smiled softly.

You and Kate had issues, but hearing her voice was comforting now. “Hey, I know it’s earlier than usual but would it be okay if I come now? I’ll be spending the weekend too if you’re still okay with that.”

“I totally am, I’ll see you soon, yeah?” Kate said.

“Yeah! I’m finding a ride right now,” you said before Kate hung up.

You took a deep breath as you ordered a ride, unsure of what was going to happen. You were usually awful at keeping secrets, but you knew you were going to have to try your best with this. A part of you wanted to know how Yelena got in your apartment, suddenly not feeling safe in your own space.

Once your uber was two minutes away, you grabbed your bag and went outside. Locking your door and making sure it was locked, you hoped the next few days were going to be great.

[bredforloyalty]

just remembered i am 21 and this is the prime of my life

[rimouskis]

can I be so open and vulnerable with you guys. the card I was given from people at my old office was sincerely so nice and really validating but also I feel like the main impression I left other people with was "she's really nice" WHICH IS GOOD, I DO WANT TO BE KNOWN AS NICE but also part of me is like... should I maybe strive for "innovative" or "creative" or "a go-getter" because being The Nice One just feels a little mealy-mouthed of me y'know?

[cosmobrain00]

did anyone think about kid keith td🙂 do u want to🙂

[deus-ex-mona]

when you say you’re happy being by yourself

but maybe that’s just what you’re trying to convince yourself of…?

[mira0000000-blog]

Jokes aside some of the e answers in the interview are..

[skittlespizza]

vent

[trans-yllz]

for someone who Hated going home for the holidays, first christmas post mom death is proving uncharacteristically upsetting

[dont-leafmealone]

my toxic trait is liking jet but being largely indifferent to every other character that fits the same archetype

It's just so *boring* the way a lot of them are done. Where's the shot at redemption. The backslide into bad habits. The being kidnapped and brainwashed by a head of state. The symbolism and foreshadowing and DRAMA. Oh cool your tragic ruthless anti hero got an entire comic panel to look sadly off in the distance and drop his gun or whatever and then was never seen again, all while serving little narrative purpose besides Being The Misguided Antagonist and Betraying The Hero? Mine was either a parallel or a foil to at LEAST five major characters, had a whole arc that was, in essence, both an accelerated and aborted version of what's considered one of the best redemption arcs of all time (which acted as both foreshadowing and, again, an excellent parallel showing the tragedy that not everyone GETS a chance at redemption), and all this in only five 20-minute episodes <3

[peapod20001]

In my...✨ depression bed ✨ phase <3

[welcometotheunknownlosers]

Short hair slaps dont let anyone tell you otherwise

[urbanbirdbud]

it’s been. a very rough afternoon

[distant-sound-of-binicorn-howls]

inside your hands are two objects. one is a mirror the other a phone. one contains a reflection of your true self. the other is a liar. which do you believe?