#…idk where im going with any of this tbh. um!!!!! i think renren would like her for who she really is?????
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when you say you’re happy being by yourself
but maybe that’s just what you’re trying to convince yourself of…?
#more incoherence coming up bc i still!!!! jk trio!!!!!!!!!!!#from what i can see… chizuchan’s really… something#she seems to really really *really* crave love. but hardly anyone gives her the time of day when she’s chizuru and not chuutan#it’s no wonder that she accepted the shady modelling deal so quickly the moment she received her parents’ support tbh…#like. someone *finally* acknowledged her for herself. even her classmates dgaf about her#with that kinda situation i think it’s really no surprise that she would latch on to the attention she was given from someone else…#it’s also no wonder that she clings so hard to aizo and lxl tbh. she got suckered in by their pretty smiles and fanservice#the ‘you’re my only one my julieta~~~~’ thing they have going on must bring a sense of joy to lonely girls who want to be loved…#she’s clearly *not* ok being alone (despite what she claims while dolled up in her chuutan ‘fit)#i think she’s only able to tell herself that she’s fine by herself when she’s fully locked in as chuutan#bc she genuinely loves herself when she’s dolled up all cute like that; hiding her true self under layers of makeup and whatnot#(see: the way she lights up when she puts on her makeup vs how she sees her plain self in the mirror)#(and also bc she has many people who love her as chuutan. her tt fans. her maid cafe regulars.)#(and i assume she gets at least some positive engagement on her stan twt account. we prolly only see the negative ones bc it’s chizu pov…)#(…and she kinda hates herself and such… but she’s able to put on a brave face bc she’s *the* perfect chuutan and nothing can phase her)#(so. like. she prolly only registers the negative comments bc *that*’s what she’s agreeing with deep down…)#(…even though she acts unbothered bc she’s *the* chuutan: aizo stan extraordinaire)#also. like. look at how many solo songs she has. she sang all of them as chuutan. the only songs she’s singing as herself are group songs#i hope she’ll able to have a song as *herself* one day..#i’m waiting for the day when she finally feels comfortable enough as herself by herself (and not just with her besties)#…idk where im going with any of this tbh. um!!!!! i think renren would like her for who she really is?????#maybe the acceptance from someone else would be the final push for her to love herself?? idk???#anyway gws chizuchan~~~~ aizo’s not good enough for you~~~ raise your standards queen. renren’s right there—
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