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galaxystar17 · 2 years ago

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Okey. Well I don't usually write propaganda unless im hella invested in the ship (also its my first time writing such so bear with me🙈). And as you can see I AM HELLA INVESTED for once lmao This may be long and there might be some slight spoilers ahead. Thanks to anyone who will read this🫶

Yeah honestly at first I was surprised around a year ago while searching through the a3 rarepairs week tag on ao3. I remember finding like a few juligawa fics back then and being like 'wait a minute— july has ships?!' quickly followed by 'wait thats a thing now? Well okay lets see how the dynamic looks like'. I didnt expect them to grow on me so much that I would consider creating a fic for them but here I am.

So here I will give you some reasons that perhaps may show you why theyre worth giving a chance:

->the dynamic. The famous celebrity manager and a secret agent. It already spells chaos, doesnt it? One of them is a very nice guy, responsible, hardworking and always out there to help not only the kid that hes managing (Tenma) but also others. BUT that doesnt mean hes naïve or that he didnt experience anything. AND theres the secret agent dude. Mysterious, hella distrustful and blindly believing in the organization as his life purpose. The guy that will not step away from anything to complete his mission. Yet theres also an additional side to him. The side that hates the idea of any family whether by blood or a found one. July finds it pointless, meaningless, stupid and a waste of time. Why? Because he probably was horribly treated by his own (if he had one) and that made him believe that real family cant survive and the ties will break off anyways at some point. This is what he tried to prove to august as well. That idiot that was stubborn in his eyes, that traitor that chose a found family over the organizations values. Their shared values.

Then you may ask OKAY SO WHAT DOES THE DYNAMIC BRING ACTUALLY?

-> imho what the dynamic and situations they could find themselves in can bring would be some development. But not only feelings wise. Like yeah that too but besides that what i want to highlight is character development - specifically july's as I think he could actually learn more from igawa than vice versa.

For instance, as he would spend more and more time with our lovely manager and sometimes take care of/help Tenma he starts to actually look at the concept of a family differently. Slowly starts to realize what august meant back then with the whole found family thing. And most importantly that it wasnt useless, it wasnt stupid. That August, in the end, was actually right. Just July was too blinded by revenge for 'betrayal' that he couldnt see anything else.

-> redemption arc (of sorts) - i feel like after realizing his mistake in killing august without thinking it through and a good reason plus when he would finally get the whole family thing, July could regret his past actions. I mean I doubt he would quit his job, but at least I had this image in my head of gekka making peace with each other more or less, July apologizing to Chikage and Hisoka for the shit he put them through. And most importantly to August for killing him. Also had this image where all three of them sat down on a bench in mankai dorms and talked to/about august together. 😭

-> found family - Those two looking out for tenma like some two dads with a kid that theyre raising. Also the family would help july trust a bit more, would show him that he can rely on someone else and not always be alone. That families can stay strong through various hardships, if you try to keep up those bonds. He would see that there are people that truly care and love him regardless of what happened and welcome him with open arms as well as support him in his decisions. He could learn other ways to live than murder, spying and violence. He could grow as a person, become a better version of himself.

-> Angst material - im personally writing them a happy ending, but there has been quite a few of juligawa angsty fics which explore an interesting theme which is july's internal conflict of 'should i stay and possibly endanger them or should i leave to keep them safe?'. The latter option is what he chooses which does create angst as he mostly didnt explain anything about himself or whys he leaving and what has changed between him and Igawa. Sooo for all the angst lovers out there, theres some stuff for you :)

-> also the internal conflict of either choosing his beloved job or his found family is interesting to read about as well as the doubt he could have about if he can be accepted, if he truly deserves Igawa's love. If he truly deserves a family after he himself ruined one. THE ANGST YET AGAIN

-> beside the family thing, his feelings towards the manager would also play a role. I mean, maybe its just me but who doesnt like to see the cunning character one day realizing 'hey wtf i have feelings?! More importantly for him?' Those feelings specifically wouldnt allow him to leave Igawa and Tenma so easily as he planned. He got attached - something he knew he shouldnt have done, but it was already too late.

Sorry for the rambling. Im quite passionate about those two as you can see. Hope I convinced you at least a bit why they are actually worth checking out and voting for.

Round 1, Bracket 1, Side A, Eight poll

Art of Juligawa by @ryukogo

Ichie Otonashi and Fumi Yumeoji [Ichifumi], Revue Starlight ReLIVE vs July and Igawa [Juligawa], A3! Act Addict Actors

Story of Ichifumi by @insertbrowsinghere

This goes back to, specifically, May 16th of 2022. I was trying to get into the Revue Starlight mobile game, since there was apparently a lot of my other favorite ship from the franchise, Junnana, in it. The problem was that I was having the problem I always have with new games of its nature, that being difficulty getting attached to the new characters. So, I decided to look through their descriptions on the loading screen during a big update. Two characters caught my eye, those characters being the character Michiru, and, more importantly, Ichie.

I posted that I think she was going to take over my brain (I was right) and a pal of mine mentioned that she and Fumi were a little gay together. I responded that I hadn't seen them together and was awaiting to see them, but I didn't expect to love them together. I just expected to know that they existed. I was so very wrong and as I am currently gazing at the exact moment I learned of them as a couple while looking for the exact moment I fell in love with them, I can only laugh at old me.

Suddenly they were hitting all my ship dynamics and Ichie became a primary reason as to why Fumi is even in the main cast. Surely, though, they wouldn't grow on me that much, I thought. They were silly together, but there was only so much depth there, right? Not anything that would soon rot my brain, anyways. Boom, Ichie reassuring Fumi that she beloved her and Fumi seeking out Ichie when the performance department was shut down. Boom, heavy emotional reliance between the two which transcended their usual dynamic. Boom, the ducking "Selfie-Master's Seminar" memoir. That last one ruined my life so much and by that point, I was in too deep.

I pathetically added them to my bio alongside my other three main ships, turning that trio into a life-ruining quartet. I began hunting for cards with stories centered around them but it couldn't get worse, I told myself. Then came Arcania Arcadia chapter 3/main story chapter 15. This ruined me, and it was all because of the fucking Ichifumi revue. There were other reasons attached, but that revue destroyed me.

The not at all serious reveal that Fumi had been supporting Ichie's streaming silently and secretly. Ichie calling out Fumi on her glamorization of the idea of beauty in death, since she saw it as an excuse. Ichie telling Fumi that she wanted to know more about her. Ichie's wish to see a stage that Fumi alone formed, in a franchise where this kind of thing is just sort of a love confession most of the time. Ichie letting Fumi win out of trust in her and Fumi doubting if she was truly the victor. All the impact this had on Fumi later. I was dying at this point, and then this game decided to beat my corpse down a little more by putting in the later scene where they reflected on their revue, Fumi tried to apologize, Ichie told her not to and they both resolved to move forward together.

Another stab was taken at my corpse with the scene in the final chapter where Ichie finally got to see a stage belonging to Fumi, and got to hold pride in it. I realized then I was in too deep. The characters I originally only expected to ship a little if at all had ruined my life. I could do nothing about it. I still can't and I am still in Ichifumi hell. Help.

Story of Juligawa:

When twitter bots were still active there was this bot called the Cursed Prompt Guy (@a3_promptbot) that randomly generated prompts and characters together. One fateful day, it generated this prompt .

[ CHARACTERS: Tenma Sumeragi, July // PROMPT: Butterfly kiss, Loyalty ]

Ss you may notice there is no slash, meaning it's just the two characters, no ship whatsoever. this is important.

See the thing here is that the character, Tenma Sumeragi, is the son of two world-famous actors. He was a child actor for TV before he decided to choose his own path and become a theater actor (since A3! is about theater boys), being a child actor means he had a manager, right? Enter: Igawa.

I was staring at the prompt, and for an entire moment, I just randomly thought 'now why would July swear loyalty to Tenma Sumeragi?'. This thought was immediately followed by '... hmmm (goes on Twitter/Discord servers) hey guys how old is july/igawa again', and then my friends, indulgently, answered me on both platforms - they were within the age range of each other as respectable adults

And then I just SAT THERE because at that very moment my brain EXPLODED like I was JIMMY NEUTRON because this ship did NOT make sense at all and YET, AND YET EVERYTHING MADE SENSE in my head suddenly for some reason.

See the first doddle I made of them with a caption

And my friends were like 'AYO HOLD ON HOLD ON RYU ARE YOU OKAY' and all I said was smth like 'sometimes things happen' and then about five hours later I published the first fic for them on Ao3. Apparently i wrote the fic at 8-ish PM on the same day I made the first doodle (at 6PM) then finished the fic around 11-ish PM.

And then my friend who is one of my ride-or-dies also published a fic around 12 midnight soon after me. I think the majority of the English-speaking fandom/western fandom who knows us thinks we're kinda crazy. It's okay we just like to indulge.

#a3! act addict actors #a3!#a3! july #a3! igawa #juligawa #polls #Quite long propaganda #You probably have realized by now that i really love juligawa right? Like im so normal about them hah yeah very #So ofc im voting one of my fave a3 ships out there #Ill do it for those two stupid idiots/affectionate #So if yall can vote for them pls do it means a lot thanks🫶

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probably-haven · 3 years ago

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Hello!

So I’m the anon who asked for more Archon War Venti headcanons and I just loved it! I really like reading your headcanons cuz some of them are similar to mine but mostly are headcanons that I didn’t think of so it really is nice to read and see your thoughts about Venti!

I feel like as if I’m asking too much but could you keep doing these types of headcanons? Like it doesn’t have to be Archon War headcanons but like some headcanons about Venti’s relationship with the Ragnvindrs and Gunnhildrs. Because the first Gunnhildr was the first one who prayed to Barbatos and the first Ragnvindr was his friend who left but came back and I really wanna hear your thoughts on that!

And I’ve decided to get off anon cuz you just replied to my texts and I wasn’t expecting that so I’ve got a short confidence boost that I am completely taking advantage of! And thanks for the advice! or uhh comment? observation? I’m not entirely sure but thank you for that! I’ve heard that be said to me a few times and I have been trying to be more, uhh, assertive so thanks for that!

rfouierjkhfkecs i actually came across information on Gunnhildr and the "Red-haired warrior" yesterday when i was doing more research into the rebellion against Decarabian and I was like "wow this would be really fucking fun to research and theorize on, but its too specific/niche to include unprompted no matter how much i want to" but bestie you prompted, and im literally so happy right now because I didn't think I'd ever really get the chance to post about them!

also lmao yeah, i tend to try and reply to as much as I can, since it's a good feeling when someone does and all. but yeah, no problem! I’m glad you felt confident enough to reveal XD.

This may be structured a bit more like analysis/theory/just citing canon things at first before it gets into a more headcanony format.

ehe i have so much free reign on this it's lovely

More Archon War Era Venti: one two three

spoilers for Venti's backstory and Diluc's(kinda, i think, just in case)

first things first, laying down some canon background because before yesterday i hadn't heard of either of them outside of that one cutscene.

the very reason Decarabian had his storm wall up in the first place was because at the time Andrius had declared war on him- and his tower, and the city of Mondstadt by extent, were basically constantly under attack by Andrius's blizzards, which since he was still alive back then, were a lot bigger and covered basically what seems to be the whole of Mondstadt outside the barrier.

This meant that people had two options. Live in the city under Decarabian's oppression, or live outside the barrier, and brave the blizzards of a warring god... which was not a good idea

but the Gunnhildr clan(not yet called that) tried- and they almost died because of it. In the midst of a blizzard, the clan chief's daughter, named Gunnhildr(which the clan would be named after later) sent out a prayer that was heard by a wandering wind spirit. And the faith of that prayer gave the spirit enough power to create a small shelter to protect them.

When her father past, she became the new leader and also a priestess. She would later lead the clan to fight Decarabian alongside four others. And basically the Gunnhildr Clan ended up as like sworn protectors of Mondstadt

as for the red-haired warrior, who is basically assumed to be the earliest known ancestor of the Ragnvindir clan(im gonna refer to as Ragnvindir for convenience sake, even though "Ragnvindir" is technically a different character from Vanessa's era)theres not much information on him, but heres what i have from the various wiki's

- he was a wanderer

- one of the first to use the sign of windblume to find other rebels(so he's intelligent)

- actively propped up the nameless bard so he could watch as the tower was destroyed

there's this little tidbit too from the Windblume Ode bow's description that im probably gonna talk about a considerable amount too: "Atop the ruins of the ancient tower, amidst the cheers, songs, and tears of those who had newly won their freedom. A red-haired warrior turned his back on the newborn god, hidden like a single raindrop in a tidal wave of humanity. He was first among those who passed the secret sign of Windblume, the one who wove threads of dawn throughout the long night. His name has since been lost to time, but his deeds are still remembered in song." followed later by "The fate of this clan will likely never change: they shall ever live in the darkness and bring forth the flame of dawn."

Now I'm going to start with the Ragnvindir(geez, why's it spelled like that tho)

My idea of his character is basically formed by a mix of Ragnvindir stereotypes and just generally analyzing text.

So what do we know about Ragnvindir's for sure? they are shady motherfuckers- or at least they rarely operate in the spotlight. also damn, these guys are more cursed than anemo vision wielders- like the only one who didn't canonically lose someone close to them was Crepus, but considering that Diluc doesn't exactly have a mom..... he probably did

so what do we know? - he was close with the nameless bard - he was intelligent - he likely operated primarily from the shadows "ever living in the darkness" - he was a wanderer - he abandoned Venti during the celebration - but his deeds were still remembered in song, so Venti and him were likely still close

now the question of the century: how will i choose to interpret "turned his back on the newborn god"? And honestly, I'm- not sure- at first i assumed he abandoned him completely- but Venti did still make sure to carry on his memory- which could just be Venti being Venti, but for the sake of sanity, this is how I'm interpreting it.

A lot of things happened to the Ragnvindir that day. He lost a friend, saw another become a god to replace the one they had conquered, and he saw his goal, his reason for being in Mondstadt, come to fruition. "see the world through my eyes" the bard had said, and the Ragnvindir had been a wanderer even before. Sure, the people had won freedom, and that was to be celebrated, but he's intelligent to recognize that people would likely see him as one of the key figures in leading the rebellion. And for him this was a solemn time, and ending to a chapter, and not being one to operate in the spotlight, the last thing he'd want is to be swept up in festivities and attention at a time like this.

It also likely didn't help that he's probably smart enough to understand the idea of "power corrupts," and seeing the wind sprite just readily accept the mantle of Archon was likely not the most comforting thing to happen in the given situation after all. But Decarabian was gone, and Andrius had ceased his blizzards, so without a word, he slipped into the crowd and left, a wanderer once more.

now back to Gunnhildr

she was the first to receive an anemo vision from Barbatos, no I do not take criticism on this "the power bestowed on her by Barbatos" like please, they basically said it.

It also mentions that she crowned Venti with laurels(symbol of vistory) after the battle- the book Biography of Gunnhildr additionally says "the Gunnhildr Clan will continue honoring the legacy of its ancestors and its duty to the Anemo Archon: to protect Mondstadt, the land and all who inhabit it, forever."

I really like this because it conveniently ties into my past headcanon about Venti granting visions to the people of Mondstadt and having them be the ones to erect wind barriers and defend the city in his absence.

So in the Archon War I like to imagine that the Gunnhildr clan had a lot of people who were actually granted visions and were basically in charge of protecting it from those who would attempt to ambush them.

Mondstadt essentially became known for this- the fact that the mortals within it were strong enough to fend off the force of a god without support from their own.

but regardless, Gunnhildr, as she had before, served as a priestess to Barbatos, the closest thing that Mondstadt had to a ruler, and yet she only took charge of prayer and protection.... i hate to just- equate them to their descendants- but to an extent- her role was kind of like a merge between Jean and Barbara- Except with a whole lot less structure.... i really dont want their characters to just be carbon copies of the descendants but- c'mon, the comparison was right there.

anyways besties- back to Venti so i can tie them in

The Archon War was one of the worst times for Venti in his entire life thus far. And the time immediately after Decarbian's fall, while Gunnhildr and the Ragnvindir were still alive, was the key period of time in which things could have gone very differently.

Venti is the god of freedom. That's a reoccurring theme and I think I've made that abundantly clear. But during this time, Venti was anything but free.

I've mentioned before how he would stay far from the city of Mondstadt so the shockwave of his death wouldn't reach him, should he fall.... well- Venti is new to a lot of things- godhood- humanity- war- freedom- and at this point he was trying hard to figure out how to be Mondstadt's god without becoming Decarabian, and while still being able to survive, and make sure they survived, and see the world for his friend, and carry on his friends legacy.

And this is a lot of stuff for what was once a carefree elemental being, and there were certain things that had to be done for this to happen. He couldn't just stay in Mondstadt, or he would grow weak and his people would be vulnerable to attack, but he couldn't abandon it, because despite being able to fend for themselves, there's always hat just in case. He couldn't stay in any one place outside of Mondstadt for very long or he'd be found and killed. He knew in order for Mondstadt to survive he would have to take an active role in the war, strengthen himself so he could defend Mondstadt, and thats exactly what he did.

He started by going after the less powerful gods, ones he had a chance at beating with the power he got from the Gunnhildr clan and the rest of Mond, and by wiping them out, he would grow stronger, so he kept it up- working his way up the metaphorical ladder.

but he couldn't let anyone near him either, because he knew just what would happen if he was attacked then. Were it not for Gunnhildr's prayer, the early years of the Archon War would have been without contest the loneliest time of his life, and there would be nothing he could do about it, bound by survival and his attachment to the legacy of his friend, constantly fearing for his life and going against his very nature as the god of freedom. Frankly thrust into that circumstance that early on, and having to face it alone, it's likely that Venti would have caved under the pressure and dropped his attachment to either his survival, or to his friends legacy... or just something entirely worse(isolation messes with brains) so I'm attributing the fact that he didn't do that to Gunnhildr's companionship, speaking to him and guiding him through it as he had guided her through the blizzard some time ago.

I also like to think that she's responsible for founding at least a number of the different celebrations that still happen in Mondstadt even now.

Ugh supportive warrior priestess- we stan

anyway meanwhile! we got the Ragnvindir

He hears about Venti taking part in the Archon war during his wanderings and returns to Mondstadt to check in, wary of what he might find.

Venti, who hadn't seen him since the rebellion, is elated to say the least and they do a bit of catching up because they need it

and then the conversation turns more serious, and the Ragnvindir brings up a third thing that Venti needs to hold onto- his humanity.

See, in the early years, just desperate to get a foothold on the world, Venti's first number of targets were just indiscriminately going after those he knew to be weaker than him, and the Ragnvindir points this out, saying that while it's not necessarily bad, if he keeps doing it, it won't be long until he causes his and, by extent, Mondstadt's legacy to be tainted by a reputation for slaughter, no better than any of the other bloodthirsty gods that frequented the war's fields. "Think of what the bard would do, we were both close enough to do that much"

And Venti becomes yet more caged, but recognizes that he's right, and this is another turning point, that in the coming years would keep Venti from losing himself.

also- Gunnhildr, Venti having told her about the Ragnvindir's concerns that he now shared, probably organized some kind of event (not unlike the right of part, but also, yes unlike it) that was deliberately intended and designs to serve as an excuse that Venti could chose to take to visit Mondstadt, something she know he desperately wanted to do, but wouldn't allow himself for fear of putting them in danger. But if she made it an official celebration, then it would give Venti the opportunity to visit his people again, under the guise of it being a responsibility, not having to deal with the moral implications of doing so at a time when he was already dealing with enough of those already.

Also on his travels, the Ragnvindir probably started and spread a number of rumors that could end up working in Venti's favor, not that anyone ever knew it was him of course.

basically Gunnhildr protected the people of Mondstadt and did all she could to keep everyone in as high spirits as possible, Venti included.

And as for the Ragnvindir, he took a more realistic approach, traveling and getting venti followers in far places, spreading false information about him, and just overall making sure that Venti didn't do things he'd regret.

And when they died, Venti would carry their legacy with him as well, not losing his humanity to the tide of war as he very nearly had(though he still often came close), and trying to spreading high spirits where ever he could without fail.

#genshin impact #genshin venti #genshin impact headcanons #genshin theory #genshin headcanons #archon war era venti #genshin barbatos #genshin decarabian #nameless bard #genshin ragnvindir #genshin gunnhildr #genshin lore #genshin spoilers #spoilers #angst #venti angst #archon war #old mondstadt

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sneakydraws · 4 years ago

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Well, here it is - a lengthy explanation of each card in my mdzs major arcana deck and what I meant to convey/what i would have changed in retrospect/what alternatives i considered! It’s a bit messy and my typing style is lazy but hopefully it will be an interesting read to some of you :)

And so you don’t say I didn’t warn you - jiang cheng’s section (11 justice) is absurdly long lmao

0 the fool I elaborated on this in the post itself but yeah basically jin ling is kind of representative of all the damage and trauma caused by the past, and there’s a kind of danger there of him falling victim to the same vices as the older characters and repeating the same mistakes and perpetuating the cycle of war and misery (the cycle that we already see with how the jin sect became the new wen sect, and later with how jgy became the new wwx) and he has a lot of room to grow! He grows so much over the course of the novel, comes to realise the complexities of the past and gets a harsh life lesson in how nothing is as black and white as it seems. But ill save talking about his progress for the end, for now whats important is that he has room to grow and also a dog. I don’t really have a justification for the sun, i mostly just thought it looked sick? It made its way to the next card as well, where it makes a bit more sense, but then i realised it was a dumb motif to include 1 the magician I still very much like wwx for the role, and that illustration would have probably had him raising a corpse on his left and pointing threateningly to the sun on his right. I considered including the table as well, with some mdzs relevant items replacing the card suits. Anyway, like i said wwx got a few cards to himself already so i went with the alternative wq design, since i think she fits the card as well. Both she and wwx are highly skilled people, extremely driven once they set their mind to something. The card to me symbolises the creative mind as well as a general drive for action, which fits them both - wwx was famously a prolific inventor, and wq came up with a previously unheard of surgery, after all. This card strays pretty far from the rider-waite deck design, largely because i was still figuring out how i wanted to approach this series, but you can still see the influence. 2 the high priestess I was actually going to skip this card at first because I couldn’t think of a fitting character, but once i considered a qings character post death, it all fit pretty well. She was already a highly intuitive person in life, and in sharing her memories with wwx she is, in a way, relaying a kind of secret knowledge. Anyway she’s one of my fav characters so im glad i got a chance to include her. The coffins could be interpreted to be xxc and sl or xxc and xy 3 the empress Theres other mother figures in mdzs who got to be mothers for a longer time, but jyl definitely embodies the positive aspects of this card the best. She’s nurturing, kind, emotionally supportive, she already mothered wwx and jc quite a bit when she was young. Plus i liked that the rw card had both water and flowers, making an easy lotus connection. In retrospect the stars look kind of out of place and i should have replaced them with something more relevant... Also, i should have had her hold a lotus seed pod instead of a flower, haha 4 the emperor Like i said I considered jc for the role but hoching bullied me into admitting that nmj was better… they’re both more of an inverted emperor than an upright one but then again theres hardly any character in mdzs who would fit upright emperor so. Jgs was also considered but he’s even uglier than nmj so i couldn’t bear to draw him 5 the hierophant It was pointed out to me that lqr would have fit this card better and the truth if that statement haunts me to this day. Unfortunately I have no space in my brain for lqr so lxc got the role instead. My main reason was his role during the wen destruction of gusu lan, when he ran away with the contents of the library - this is why there’s bookshelves behind him. The keys, take, from the rider-waite deck, are meant to represent the gusu pendants that allow you to enter 6 the lovers Im sure many people would have chosen wangxian here but I uhh don’t really care abt wangxian personally? And also their love story is so convoluted that jyl and jzx seem idyllic by comparison lol. Also i didnt really have an idea for who to put in the angel’s place for wangxian… mme jin certainly did not get these two together in the end but undeniably she and mme yu did initially give them a chance to fall for each other so. Thats something i guess. Anyway the trees became their sects’ flowers and the mountain became the burial grounds - an omen of their tragic fate, basically 7 the chariot There might have been other characters who fit this card better but i couldn’t really think of another card for lwj and i thought it would be weird to not include him… anyway i don’t really care for current timeline lwj BUT i do like that he was clearly influenced by wwx to walk his own path in life based on his moral convictions rather than follow his sect’s rules blindly. The chariot is to me a card of self control, self determination and focused action, so it seemed fitting. The composition felt kind of empty without the actual chariot so i padded it out with the guqin, the cloud recess in the bg (it doesn’t look great but i tried to replicate the drama design….) and the bunnies which conveniently fit the colour scheme of the sphinxes in the rider-waite design 8 strength Like i said before, my interpretation of this card is more… morally ambiguous than the quote unquote official meaning, so i thought about manipulative or duplicitous characters more than kind characters whose strength is expressed through gentleness (though i did consider jyl briefly for the latter interpretation). As such, i considered both jgy and nhs, but ended up going with jgy largely because i couldn’t pass up the opportunity to put the nie sect’s beast as the lion. 9 the hermit My thoughts immediately went to bssr lol. It may be an overly literal interpretation but whatever, i like it just fine. And i like that i managed to echo the rider-waite silhouette in the mountain and the tree (and even in bssr herself) 10 wheel of fortune God i love the parallels between these 2… this card to me is about how you cant trust your current situation, good or bad, to last forever, and these 2 embody that perfectly imo. Wwx went from son of a well off servant and a powerful cultivator, to street rat orphan, to adopted son of sect leader jiang, to double orphan, to MIA, to terrifying but admired warrior, to terrifying and despised traitor, to dead, to, at the very end, suddenly respected and trusted again. The dishonesty and cheapness of whatever the public’s current opinion of him is is portrayed beautifully as far as im concerned. And jgy of course claws his way up to power only to instantaneously become public enemy number one, to the point that he’s probably blamed for stuff there’s no reason to believe he had a hand in. Wei wuxian’s silent astonishment at how quickly the cultivation world turns against jgy and towards him again is a delicious moment of thematic resonance. 11 justice I settled on this card for jc after he got booted from the emperor seat but i do think it fits, in a somewhat convoluted way. I turned both the sword and the scales into visual representations of the golden core transfer (can you tell im obsessed with it). According to biddy tarot, the justice card is partly about searching for the truth, and the scene where jc finds out about the transfer is of course a big deal. I was also very influenced by the reversed meaning again - which is about being reluctant or unwilling to face or accept the consequences of your actions. I feel on an intuitive level that this fits jc but I’m not sure how well i can explain it - it’s something about how he’s a little too comfortable scapegoating wwx for things that were also, if much less so, influenced by his actions, and also something about the way he keeps wwx at an arm’s length emotionally but still leans on him and accepts his support when he really needs it, and somewhat hypocritically expects wwx to put the needs of him and the jiang sect before the needs of others. And also something about the core exchange is the consequence and proof of wwx’s deep - terrifyingly deep, even - love and care for him, which is something jc doesn’t seem to let himself acknowledge. Maybe even something about how you could argue that the way all of the jiangs acted around wwx - jfm’s favouritism that left him with the feeling of a debt he needs to repay, mme yus insistence that he be a servant more than a brother to jc, prepared to give his life for jc, and jc’s own unwillingness - or inability, he was a child after all - to clearly acknowledge wwx as an equal to himself, enabling wwx’s self sacrificial and protective tendencies - that all of this was what caused wwx’s complete and unquestioning willingness to do whatever it took to protect jc, and therefore paved the way to the golden core transfer. And i don’t mean this to be scapegoating jc - especially considering how young he was when this all went down, it wouldn’t be fair to expect this level of emotional perceptiveness, awareness and maturity of him - but i think adult jc has to grapple with the fact that the chain of cause and effect was not as simple as wwx fucking everyone’s lives up to be a martyr, and that both jc and his parents had a role in that story as well. I don’t even necessarily think this is something that jc only realised in the current timeline - i think it’s something he felt on some level this whole time, and it probably led to a lot of feelings of guilt - but the suibian reveal definitely puts it in sharp focus, and i think he’s now better equipped to handle this introspection than he was as a recently orphaned, traumatised teenager, lol. ANYWAY the window with the fabric is both a nod to the rider-waite design and a reference to the destruction of lanling - i actually did some basic ass research for this, and it seems that in ancient china fabric would indeed be hanged in a window if the normally used paper was damaged. The design of the window, as well as the very idea to use it to imply the reconstruction of lanling, was taken from this great piece of jc angst by my pal moroll1! Oh yeah also the covered window kind of works as a denial of forgiveness for jc because it’s like a halo but covered up... Also I completely forgot to put a blindfold over his eyes which would be perfectttt because blind justice and the core exchange......... ok moving on 12 the hanged man I always have issues with this card because i cant find a satisfactory summary of what it’s really about. Best i can tell it symbolises a need to hit pause, surrender or let go of something… ive also seen it tied to sacrifice? So mo xuanyu doesn’t fit perfectly, but sacrifice is definitely there in a surface level reading kind of way, and the idea that you have to surrender or let go in order to achieve your goal does fit the whole deal of getting revenge but giving up your life in exchange and not being there to see it 13 death This is probably one of my favourite cards, definitely not because I have huge issues with change or anything…. I see this card as signalling the necessity of change or putting an end to something / leaving something in the past in order to start anew? At first i considered putting past wwx, mxy and current wwx here as a kind of transformation and one cycle flowing into the next... But firstly, I’d already used mxy in the very previous card, so putting him in again would feel like overkill, and secondly, the longer I thought about it the less convinced I was that this would even fit with the card’s meaning? Because coming back from the dead doesn’t like... trigger an internal transformation within wwx or anything? Anyway, fun fact: the design I ended up going with was actually originally intended for judgement! I thought I was being very clever with the whole “figure plays an instrument and the dead rise” parallel, but apparently I’d just completely forgotten that the judgement card had a completely different composition... Truly I was boo boo the fool... But yeah anyway at the end of the day I figured the design would kind of work for death as well, with Wen Ning and the theme of transformation, (since in his case coming back as a fierce corpse does actually mark a certain transformation in behaviour) and Wei Wuxian’s protection of the Wen people essentially signifying an attempt to break the cycle of oppression if that makes any sense? Like, wwx is trying to revolutionise the way the world works a bit, if you catch my drift 14 temperance The centrist card! Again this is probably going off track from the “official” interpretation, but to me this card has a certain “don’t commit fully; do everything in moderation; don’t take either side” flavour to it that i personally find infuriating irl and that i very much assign to lxc. It’s entirely possible that I’m misinterpreting his character because i didn’t really pay him (and the 3zun in general) much mind while reading, but hell, I’m allowed to pick favourites and choose who i want to interpret deeply vs shallowly. Again, i wish id chosen lqr for hierophant because its so annoying for a character i don’t care about to get two cards…. But oh well 15 the devil My alternative idea for this was jgy as the devil and lxc plus nmj as the figures, but since all three had been featured already (multiple times, even!) i figured I’d go with xy instead, especially since he’s among my faves lol. I think the devil signifies something along the lines of unhealthy attachment, obsession or addiction, which isn’t 100% accurate in the case of xxc and a-qing, but if i stretch it a bit to cover toxic relationships in general, and especially manipulation or negative influence, i don’t think it’s half bad. My main struggle here was to choose who amongst the xxc/sl/aq trio to choose for the human figures. 16 the tower Arguably jin zixuans death and the following massacre of nightless city were the final and most direct reason for the siege of burial mounds, and the tiger seal is good shorthand for wwx’s loss of control over his powers, which led to the deaths of jzx and jyl. When reimagining major arcana i like to feature some kind of building in this card (spoilers for a possible future project but in my rose of versailles major arcana set the tower is bastille) and even if it’s not a tower, the image of wwx looming over the gathered crowd from atop a rooftop is so good i couldn’t resist 17 the star Struggled with this one - considered both jin ling and lsz for it, as symbolising a hope for the future, but that was kind of covered by the world so it wouldn’t make sense to include here as well... As usual when I struggle with interpreting a card (as opposed to understanding it but struggling with matching a character to it, like with death or moon) I went to biddy tarot and read all the details about its meaning. What i got was that this card signifies an incoming period of introspection and inner peace following a time of turmoil, as well as a general moving on into a new, better phase of one’s life or finding new meaning and purpose. The figure also suggests someone vulnerable, but possessing a keen sense of intuition as well as a good degree of practicality and common sense. Given all those, I settled for mianmian because IM LOVE HER..... I also kind of see her as a prelude to the “just one person is enough” theme present in tgcf!! And i think her decision to abandon her sect because she saw the toxicity and corruption in it is a very inspiring action - even if it didn’t make a large visible impact, i think the appearance of her and her idyllic family at the very end of the novel - paralleling and mirroring wangxian - implies that at the end of the day, it was a meaningful one 18 the moon Another card i ALWAYS fuxking struggle with - this time less because i can’t grasp its meaning and more because I can never find a character that fits it well. I usually get fixated on the “dreams and subconscious” part, but if i lean more on the “disguise, deceit, anxiety and fear” part, i eventually figured the whole yi city arc wouldn’t be a bad fit. I say the entire arc because it really does encompass all those themes if you include both the past and the present - xue yang’s disguise, his tricks with the villagers, a-qing’s lies and even xxc’s reluctance to talk about his past as well as xue yang pretending to be xxc all fit the disguise and deceit angle, and the general mystery and creepiness of the current timeline yi city work well with the anxiety and fear - the mist, the slow uncovering of the past, even a-qing being revealed to be an ally after scaring the shit out of the protags. I definitely struggled with including all the elements and characters, and even moreso with making them vaguely fit the rider-waite composition, but i think it ended up okay ish. OH and i completely forgot to draw mist swirling around them :( 19 the sun I was considering mianmian’s family for this one, but since I used her for star, I ended up with wwx and his parents instead. Once again I’m reinterpreting the card a bit - normally I think it symbolises incoming times of pure happiness and abundance, as well as a connection with the inner child, but I gave it more of a nostalgic or sentimental twist - wwx looking back at the brief glimpse of his happy childhood. 20 judgement another card that i struggle to interpret a bit... Here i actually used the tgcf tarot zine as a reference! In it judgement is summarised as “rebirth, following duty, absolution” SO i figured that nhs, mxy and wwx all together would fit pretty neatly... wwx achieving (public) absolution through clearing his own name after being reborn, and nhs sort of calling on wwx to expose jgy’s crimes... It’s a bit messy but not bad I think! 21 the world This ties very closely to my read on mdzs as a story - which is that it’s, at the end of the day, largely about cycles, and about how hard it is to break them, but how we gotta keep trying and have hope anyway. Or maybe more precisely, that the people directly involved with and influenced by the trauma of the past might not be able to get over said trauma and that the hope for healing from it will be shouldered by the new generation. Or something like that… Basically what i mean is that jc and wwx and lwj and lxc and nhs and jgy and all these people who were in the thick of the sunshot campaign and the siege are so profoundly affected by it that it genuinely feels by the end of the story like there is little hope for them to ever truly overcome that trauma and build a better future without repeating the same old mistakes - but there is a glimmer of hope in the new generation, specifically in jl and lsz. And it’s a bit paradoxical, because they have also been directly impacted by the past tragedies - lsz having his entire clan wiped out after wwx failed to protect them, jl losing both his parents to wwx’s mistakes - but despite that loss, and despite coming from arguably the two opposing sides of the past conflicts, they are both, in the end, capable of moving past that tragedy, of recognising the complicated nature of those conflicts (jl’s moment of clarity at the end is both heartbreaking and hopeful) and forging friendships between clans in the process. I honestly think that the extra where jl is struggling to assert his authority as sect leader, to treat his subjects well and to cooperate with other sects in a truly amicable way is the single hopeful ending note for the larger themes of the novel - it allows us to imagine that maybe these kids can learn from the mistakes of their elders rather than getting sucked in by resentment at those mistakes, and actually build a brighter future for the cultivation world. And sidenote, this is also why i have a soft spot for jin ling and lan sizhui as a ship... speaking of which their poses were directly referenced from the lovers card ehehe

Looking back, I’d like to add some symbol of jin ling’s trauma so that it mirrors baby wen yuan in the tree stump... maybe his father’s sword?

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #tarot

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imbeccablee · 5 years ago

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HAPPY BIRTH TO OUR LITTLE GREEN FERAL BOI-HC about how his birthday were when he was younger compared to now? (bonus points for Mama Inko being the only constant and for steadily more and more people being at his parties and deku having no idea how to deal with so many people who love him)

oh you KNOW I'm here for that Izuku angst!!! (sorry this is late, I didnt see this until yesterday night lmao)

before Izuku was diagnosed, he would invite katsuki and those other boys over after daycare. it would always be a little awkward bc technically those other boys are more katsuki's friends than Izuku's but their parents made them go anyway bc it was the nice thing to do

oftentimes the rest of the party would end up with the boys playing with Izuku's new toys (which made him a lil upset but his mom says he should share and not be selfish and besides, these are his friends, he wants them to like him, so its whatever. it is) and also playing Heroes (this is the one of the few times Izuku is allowed to play a hero with katsuki (bc theres no way in heck katsuki would play a villain) and Izuku LIVES for it)

usually the other boys will leave and katsuki will spend the night. this is always the best part for Izuku because, while katsuki does keep showing off, it's almost softer in a way, like the fact that it's just the two of them, alone, with the rest of the world shut out makes katsuki relax and unwind. izuku doesnt understand why katsuki isnt like this all the time. he doesnt know how to ask, either.

this of course ends with his fifth birthday. the months following his fourth, he eagerly awaits the arrival of his quirk, but it never shows. a week after his fifth birthday (which had been even more awkward and embarrassing since his quirk still hadn't manifested), he is diagnosed. and, well, nobody wanted to go to his party after that.

the kids thought he was weird and lame and the parents were afraid their own kids would hurt him somehow if they were to come over, because they all believed the quirkless to be weak and fragile. this of course also meant that none of the kids were allowed to invite him over to their parties, the only exception being katsuki's. and then katsuki fell off a log into a shallow river and izuku tried to help him up and, well.

he still invites people, oh yes. the first few years, he makes little invitation cards drawn in all might colors and an enthusiastic "you're invited!" on the front. inko, the sweetheart, helps put them in envelopes and carefully stored them in Izuku's backpack and Izuku passes them out. the first time no one shows, izuku is devastated. the second time, after yet another year of being downgraded and belittled and beaten and ignored, he is still devastated, but he is not surprised. the third time, it aches and aches and aches, and he decides he's not going to make cards anymore. it's just a waste of time and paper.

inko tried so very hard. those first few birthdays After were completely unsalvageable, but after the third (when Izuku accepted no one would come) they got better. izuku was still sad and inko was still guilty, but they always had a lovely time with katsudon and cake and all might specials. sometimes, his dad would even remember to call and wish him a happy birthday. izuku was- well, not happy, but content. he had his mother. he had his conviction, his dream. what else could he need?

(he steadfastly ignored the longing, the ache. nothing he could do would fix it so there was no point in dwelling on it. it was stupid to feel that way anyway. his birthday was just another day of the week, the month, the year. it didnt matter. he shouldnt feel so bad about it. it didnt matter)

he didn't even think about telling all might his birthday. by the time he was 14 going on 15, he didnt really care about it. it had just been a day he got a gift or two from his mother, his favorite dinner, and a night spent rewatching all might documentaries or movies or interviews. you know, like basically every night, but like, older this time. so he doesnt mention it and all might never brought it up, so his 15th birthday comes and goes like every other birthday did after his 8th.

the truth of the matter was all might figured Izuku would mention it at some point during his training, like offhandedly saying he had to get home early so he could have a celebration, or make small talk about what he'd gotten, or even ask for the day off. but Izuku never did and all might felt too awkward to ask when it was (he didnt want to seem too eager to shower young Izuku with presents like something deep inside him begged for with a vengeance, even though he very much wanted to give Izuku literally anything he asked for. it is a troubling feeling), so all might just assumed his birthday hadn't come up yet.

then all might finally gets a look at Izuku's file, since all might is now a teacher, and sees 07/15/XXXX written and probably breaks the speed of sound with how quickly he calls izuku

"why didnt you tell me about your birthday!!" "wh- I mean- it's just not that big of a deal, I didnt think it was-" "NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL???"

he takes Izuku out to a very belated and nice birthday dinner and has to force an incredibly rare piece of decommissioned all might merch from his early days into Izuku's hands. despite his embarrassment and initial reluctance, that day is ranked in the top ten of his favorite days.

izuku doesnt learn his lesson, however, and neglects to tell his newly acquired friends about his date of birth. the only reason they find out is because all might, having been passing them by at the end of the school day, wished him a happy birthday.

"IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY????" "uraraka please its not a big deal-" "I have to disagree midoriya, today should be special!" "I mean, I dont think birthdays are all that important either" "THANK YOU todoroki"

(and then Izuku thinks for 2 seconds WHY Todoroki thinks birthdays are unimportant and gets sad again but we're not focusing on that rn)

ochako DEMANDS that they celebrate bc theres no way in hell she's allowing her best friend to go without a birthday celebration with friends, but Izuku insists that they at least wait until summer vacation starts in less than a week, especially since he cant just come home with three friends without telling his mom

ochakos like >:( for a second, but concedes bc that's fair and then she launches herself at Izuku and gives him a big ole hug and says "happy birthday!!!" izuku's all sputtering and blushing, and then he feels a hand on either arm and Iida and Todoroki give him warm smiles and wish the same and it takes a good five minutes for his face to calm down and for him to come out from behind his arms once Ochako releases him.

so he tells his mom that his friends want to come over to celebrate soon and inko is just like 😭😭😭😭😭 because FINALLY her boy has GOOD FRIENDS who want to CELEBRATE HIM and Izuku freaks out cuz his mom is crying but she waves him off and tells him to tell the dekusquad that they can come over on saturday and that they can spend the night and that they'll have a wonderful time!!!

izuku relays two-thirds of that information in their group chat and they all agree and then basically Izuku is dreading the weekend bc the few birthday parties he's had with his "friends" before hadn't been all that great (besides the sleepover part with katsuki, though their current animosity kinda makes the memories bittersweet), and like, while he knows objectively Ochako, iida, and Todoroki are Much Better than those boys from his childhood, he just doesnt have a good frame of reference for how these things go.

anyway, so Saturday comes around and Izuku is just listlessly lazing around while his mother finishes cooking ("let me help you mom-" "nuh uh, this is for YOUR celebration mister, you arent doing a THING today), and then theres an enthusiastic knock on his door, and when he goes and opens it his friends greet him with yet another cheer of "happy birthday deku/midoriya!!"

izuku smiles because its sweet even if he doesnt particularly care about birthdays, and invites them in. they set their presents on the table and Izuku's like "you didnt have to!!" and Ochako's like "NONSENSE" and Iida is like "how could we show up at your birthday celebration without presents???" and todoroki's like "any chance to spend endeavour's money on things he wouldnt like is a chance I will never not take" and Izuku is just like akdjajdhajsb when his mom finally comes and greets them

and like. it's nice. it's really really REALLY freaking nice. Izuku didnt realize how much he was actually missing having people with him in his home besides his mom until they were there. there's a wonderful warmth filling his chest as they all eat his mother's homemade katsudon and talk about school and how excited they are for the upcoming summer trip. and when heroes come up, they ask him about different quirks and how they work and what he thinks of this hero and that hero and the only time he's interrupted from his tangents is when he stops himself because he's embarrassed for talking for so long. and then they smile and prompt him some more, saying they love hearing him talk about the stuff that interests him, and can anyone really blame him for bursting into tears?

his friends are alarmed but his mom just smiles, tearing up herself, and she asks if he'd like a big hug, and he nods, face burning bright, and then they all gather him in a warm, enveloping embrace, and he wonders how in the hell he survived without this for so long?

he's so warm and loved and for the first time in forever he feels happy during his birthday celebration.

his 16th birthday party is so incredibly different from the parties he held before he was diagnosed and from the birthdays he spent with only his mother. he'd forgotten that feeling of being cared for by people who didnt need to, or rather he'd never really known it. there's a slight twinge that it took so long for him to learn this feeling, but it's completely overshadowed by the pure elation he feels at finally being able to breathe and relax and let himself be loved.

his friends still look concerned and they obviously have questions, but they dont pry as they all continue with the party. he opens their presents and cries again and then they watch a ton of hero movies and he cries a little more. iida worries he'll dehydrate himself and Ochako fuckin loses it and Todoroki has such a soft look on his face and GOD how has Izuku lived without friends? without THEM?

it's late when they turn in, with futons and mountains of pillows and blankets surrounding them on the living room floor. izuku is nestled between Ochako and Todoroki, and he stares at the ceiling as his friends doze around him. he can feel his heart beating in his chest and, with amusement, he feels his eyes watering again, but he blinks the tears away and whispers thickly, "hey guys?" once he gets sleepy questioning murmurs, he breathes in deeply and says, "thank you." in response Ochako and Todoroki schooch closer until they're cuddled on either arm and Izuku can see Iida doing the same on the other end of ochako. then Ochako mumbles, "anything for you, deku" to which the other two boys agree. and Izuku tries to not get choked up and fails again, but its okay, because its safe here and his friends are surrounding him with warmth and love and Izuku falls asleep happy.

(their second year they have another party, of course, but this one is bigger, with the whole class. it's in the dorm, which is fine bc he doesnt think his mom's apartment could hold all of them. it's just as wonderful as his 16th birthday. he managed to hold his tears back during nearly the entire thing, and the only reason he broke was because katsuki came up to him with a perfectly wrapped box, because everything katsuki does is perfect, and shoved it into his hands with a growled well wishes. katsuki yells at him and the class laughs good heartedly as he weeps, but Izuku is just focused on katsuki, who looks soft and relaxed and nearly identical to the version of him that Izuku saw so, so long ago. and as Izuku thanks him for the present and katsuki berates him cuz "you dont even know what it is yet you idiot open it already", izuku feels a new happiness bubbling up in him, because he's so incredibly glad katsuki has been able to heal as well)

#boku on hero academia #my hero academia #bnha #mha #midoriya izuku #deku #bakugou katsuki #uraraka ochako #iida tenya #todoroki shouto #happy birthday to my beloved son #whom i love with all my heart

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mathieubellamont · 5 years ago

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man in relation to that last post, and its not really related to this blog outside of it but its weighing on my mind

ive seen two things lately about audiences and content creators, specifically those of the Edgy kind. And, as a disclaimer, i am both LGBT and mixed race and oh, also disabled, and i am not saying “yes their content is offensive But you should care about them more” like ofc im gonna care more about the people who are hurt by the spreading of harmful shit but. anyway

whats been on my mind is the fact that these creators create, with all their edginess and their discarding of feelings for Facts and whatnot forms these audiences that, even if mild in their reactions, have and hold no place for feelings, and people who they disagree with. Even the ones who just have “Comedic” content thats laughing at minorities and whatnot, it breeds things in the audience - and attracts peole who’re already infected by it - that focus on laughing and making fun of people and tearing people down who they just mildly disagree with. We all knew that, but specifically whats weighing on my mind is that........... When you do that, theres no backing down. If you realise youve been wrong somewhere and the people youre attacking have been right, if you realise you dont want to make this content anymore, if you realise you’re tired or stressed, or the environment youve created has gotten too toxic, how are you going to back down? People look to you for their vicious entertainment, people look to you for things to tear apart however lightly, to Roast or to offend or to seriously hurt, and if you arent providing fresh bodies to that audience, theyll take it from you. You have to either be sure when you go into creating edgy content that youll be doing this for the rest of your life, or youre ok with being the subject of what youre inflicting on others when you stop. That, or you have to hope to god that your audience gets bored of you before you call it quits

like...... It all boils down to this. Edginess attracts two main kinds of people, people who are clueless about the harm theyre doing and looking to parrot others/who want to make people uncomfortable or upset/who want to make people feel like they feel, thats one category, and the other main category is genuinely fucked up people who like to see the hurt and the offence it causes, who want women/other minorities to be uncomfortable at best or unwelcome or feel in danger at worst, people who show through their humour that theyre willing to act in ways that hurt people for fun. The first category, people who dont get the harm it causes and just want to shock people (which, as a person clueless to microaggressions and racism and why things actually offend people could either be just surprise Or serious harm they label as shock), theyre clueless about the power youre breeding in them and the cluelessness, but the second group of people are actively harmful. Either way, when you finally need your audience to be understanding, when you need to post your “my mental health is going downhill and i cant ignore it anymore” video or post, youre stuck with these people, and obviously others outside those categories, but youre stuck with them. The people who are willing to beat down already beaten down minorities? Who reduce everyone to a set of stereotypes and if they disagree with any quality you have youre their target? Who think doxxing and swatting are funny, who think harrassment and death threats are just edgy and, well, you know edgy is totally fine right?? Edgy is good right?? what are you going to do?

Maybe when youre in your hour of need your audience will have a change of heart, but if you attract an audience who follow you for and approve of your disregard for peoples needs, who make fun of and attact people saying they need help (”i suffer at the hands of oppression” “im disabled” “im a targeted minority” “ive suffered from harassment” etc) what do you think theyre going to do to you when you dont want to play the game anymore?

Like theres a leap in logic here between being an edgy content creator and definitely reaching a point where you wont do it anymore. Yes, maybe youll be edgy for the rest of your life....... But as someone who was an edgy teenager slinging around slurs constantly and racist and homophobic and transphobic shit...... The end to that was the singular logical conclusion for me as someone trying to be a good person. When you actually learn about these things, or when you start to live it as an lgbt person or you reconnect with your nonwhite half, or you have a family member who is assaulted, or a friend who finally confesses their online harassment and the severe damage its done to them, and you have an audience waiting for you to tell them who to laugh at/treat like shit if they want to because well, theyre wrong and stupid arent they, why should anyone treat them well - thats the conclusion a lot of these people take from seeing people be made the butt of jokes.......... What are you going to do?

Ive always tried to make this blog a mentally and emotionally safe place. Ive made mistakes, but ive always tried to own up to them and learn from. Like, yeah, theres been some racist shit on this blog before, probably some transphobic shit too, ive had this blog since i just turned 17 in dec. 2013....... Its important for my followers that i cultivate a place that is good for them, that isnt stressful, that focuses on good content or. me having fun in video games lmao. and why is that good? well, because i want to. Its not necessarily the right thing to do nor the wrong thing to do, it just Is morally. But when it comes to cultivating an audience based on constantly shocking people, and making people uncomfortable, and making innocent people scared to exist or ashamed of their existence or hurt because theyre reminded that what they are is disgusting to people like you, whether you mean it or not? Thats where I feel things like this become a moral choice. Like, first of all, even if youre doing it jokingly, if youre having fun pretending to throw punches and kicks even if the point is to laugh at you, you run the risk of people getting hit. Thats why we dont do that in public spaces. When youre jokingly throwing metaphorical punches even if the joke is that youre being an arse purposely, youre in that corridor, and the traffic in that corridor is every single person that sees your post, possibly hundreds, possibly thousands, and so the chance that youre going to hit people - many people - is huge. But to get back to whats on my mind, even if you dont give a shit about all the people you hit accidentally or on purpose, when you train an audience to expect you to feed them meat, when you stop feeding them meat theyll still be looking at you, and if theyre hungry enough - entitled enough, angry enough, uncaring enough, tired of life and other people enough, unknowing enough, ready enough to bring the fight to other people - theyre going to pick at you if not take chunks off you if not tear you to shreds. When you call people who think shock humour and hurting other people is acceptable, well, thats what youve done right?

You dont need to make a blog like mine thats purpose is to be safe. You dont need to actively try to make sure people feel like they fit in with your content, you dont need to create a space for other people to enjoy at all, maybe you just wanna do what makes you laugh. But the less space we hold for people to hurt people the less people are going to get hurt, shocker i know, but also the less harmful people’s anger we are unknowingly feeding, and the less fucking clueless kids who are going to grow up parroting things theyve heard and never understood, that truly evil people understand, and the less content creators in the future we’re going to have to dig out of the hole they back themselves into

anyway. odd post, its done now

#i cant proofread this ugh im at my limit. kinda defeats the point of making this post if its not understandable but anyway #sorry this. i put it here because its directly related to the below post and its about content creators #this might make very little sense and theres probably a lot of logic leaps i didnt explain and maybe im super wrong and whatever but #theres absolutely no need for anyone to address this and its better if it isnt addressed but im in a bit of a bad space mentally right now #(dont worry im going to bed after i do the dishes)#unknowingly hurting people and hurting people in general and people unknowingly backing themselves into corners is just.#on my mind except on my Heart ad emotions right now i just need to talk about it #i just keep thinking if i can save one fucking kid from getting into trouble #hell even the content creators i thoroughly disagree with. the ones echoing harmful ideas and Haha Offensive oppressive content #the idea that some of them are still doing it because they cant escape...... the idea of anyone realising their mistakes and being stuck #and not being able to get out of it #theres so much anger in the world and i Know everyones tired and theyre aching emotionally #everyone including the people i really dont like are all doing what theyre doing because. anyway #its just. the more we can talk about this - and i understand as Many Minority Statuses Overlapping that we dont owe any assholes conversatio #n - the more people who can talk about this talk about this and bridge the gap and drag people who dont know better out of their edgy #phases to become better more conscious people..............#oof. its almost 5am #traitor's ramblings #assault #mention.

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survivorbehemoth · 4 years ago

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Episode #9: “i hope that i'm out of the pickle and eating the... pickle” - Daisy

how i feel about merge: https://66.media.tumblr.com/68a1cf13a1ea5ca8ec0c6c8a044f92ad/fdb9160ed3342b6d-08/s500x750/a71a511c4f332aba10424d15b5e074bc9bbe5e0d.gifv

Click HERE to watch Szymon’s Video!

Click HERE to watch Daisy’s Video!

Click HERE to watch Chips’ Video!

Click HERE to listen to Szymon’s Vocaroo!

Click HERE to view Szymon’s Trust Rankings!

Click HERE to listen to Szymon’s Vocaroo!

Click HERE to watch Daisy’s Video!

Click HERE to watch Rob’s Video! Click HERE to watch another of Rob’s Videos!

So here is my i guess merge confessional! LOOK WHAT I DID! I MADE THE MERGE HEHEHEHEHEHEHE. Voting cindi out last round was very sad but very needed, i think she was looking to have fun and cause chaos but i need some stability in my life rn, crackhead seamus has not came out yet and he can’t yet LMAO. so what happened is as soon as we merged Szymon approached me and wanted to call, and pretty much went on a rant about how annoying Rob is and how everyones so far up his ass, and that HE HAS THE IDOL!!!! And that Szymon wants me daisy and jules to start working together which i was like OH I LIKE THIS. Going into merge i wanted to reconnect with rob, and then keep my alliances with daisy and gage and try and just use them as shields to get into deep merge and then start causing shit.

In terms of my thoughts on everyone…. Gage i am very torn about. Because he is the person i am closest to on a personal level but i think game wise he just is rlly desperate to not lose. I offered him a f2 on our last tribe which i do intend on keeping my word on, but then as soon as we merge i just felt kinda off about him? And he formed a new alliance with Szymon Rob and Conor and didnt say nothing to me or tried to include me. Szymon leaked it tho and so im like oh ok i see i see. I think he is trying to have his hand in everyones cookie jar, but knowing he wants everything is off putting from an ally stance. But also last night he opened up a bit with me and i think he genuinely does wanna work with me, just perhaps not with Daisy. so i am trying to figure out like what is the right move with Gage, is he someone who can actually commit? and will he defend me if people like rob or conor suggest voting me? idk, but i hope he would.

Daisy: my relationship with Daisy is really strong. I think we have a lot in common personally and game wise we mesh really well. Coming in from embb10 i wasnt sure how we would work together but so far so good. everyday she makes me laugh and i want to keep working with her. Supposedly people are painting us two as a duo but i also think if people targeted us they would choose Daisy over me at this point which means i can embrace and keep working with her however openly i wish. Daisy i think also wants to more so work with Szymon and Jules which is fine by me. I think us 3/4 can work really well, it’s just about finding the right time to possibly take a shot at someone.

Szymon: i wasnt sure how i felt about Szymon at the beginning. Sometimes i thought he was annoying, other times i just thought he was being himself which i sometimes just dont vibe with. But him being really honest about his opinions with people shows that he actually is someone i can work with. i am a blunt person and when others are willing to throw mud too, it means we can work well together. I think he is very eager to vote out Rob and also doesnt want to work with Gage which i’m not 100% sure what my plan is yet regarding both.

Rob: rob is a big threat but only because he is so blatantly talking to everyone. dont get me wrong Rob is a great guy, but he isn’t a great ally just because he talks to me. I also know that he has the idol and clearly I aint the top of his ally list since he didnt include me in the one with gage szymon and conor and he also didnt tell me about his idol. Also every inactive person talking to him is not good bc i dont want his farmer ass to let his sheep target me. I think Rob may go home very early and he wont even see it coming.

chips/brandan: we arent working together. that’s about it.

Conor: we became a bit closer during the swap but i certainly wouldnt say he is an ally. more like a neutral friend. i think conor plans on working with gage/rob/szymon. which doesnt include me. But i dont think he has many other connections such as with dylan or daisy or jules. so im not sure how much he’ll be doing anytime soon.

Lovelis: he seems pretty inactive. itll be interesting to see if i can use our pre-established friendship to kinda pull him in and work with him but i also dont know who he plans on working with or doing. very nice and everyone agrees when he is on he is fun to talk to, its just about activity levels and trying to see if he actually is here to play or not.

Dylan: I LIKE DYLAN. BUT HE ALSO LEFT ME ON READ FOR LIKE 16 HOURS NOW LMAO. He was super fun to talk to on our tribe game night, and then in pms but then he kinda ghosted me but continued to talk in the tribe chat. granted i got rlly sloppy drunk last night so when he was free to talk more i wasnt ;/ So ill be interested to see if we can keep vibing, im defnitely open to working with him bc he seems like he would be fun to strategize and work with, but we aren’t necessarily at that point yet.

Jules: juuuules!!!!! amazing, fantastic, the best. but also not the most active. im interested in working with her and i think she appreciates me being crazy and i appreciate her being crazy too. also she is the main reason i won this challenge SOOOOOO. I think me szymon and daisy have a great opportunity to work with her and form a tight 4 if thats the path we choose to go down. Jules is here for fun and to socialize with people and i think some people are off putted by that but i thinks its fine, i just hope we have fun doing crazy stuff together and not against one another :D

THATS IT! MY MERGE CAST ASSESSMENT.

________________________________________________________________

SO I WON IMMUNITY! HEHEHEHEHEHEHE WHICH IS KINDA EMBARRASING SINCE I ONLY ASKED 2 PEOPLE FOR THEIR WORDS, AND THEN DAISY/JULES/SZYMON GAVE ME THE REST. Honk honk i love sharing, this is what communism is all about! But being immune first is kinda a great thing because it really puts you in a firm spot and allows/forces people to strategize with you. since i am unsure if i can attend tribal/live night it also provides some much needed security early on. i am hoping chips goes home at this first tribal which seemingly everyone is on board with. And then id prefer brandan or lovelis to go in live night. But i think Szymon and Daisy will want to vote for Rob. I am not sure if i want to take that shot yet because it might hurt my chances of working with Gage, but also leaves several more inactive people in. if i was confident people like lovelis and brandan would follow rob out the door that would be one thing, but i think it would make people like conor/gage possibly start targeting szymon/daisy/myself and that isnt a good thing. especially if we can wait to f9, and have 5 directly on rob and he goes home and then theres less potential for us getting outvoted

Click HERE to watch Daisy’s Video!

Click HERE to watch Dylan G’s Video!

I know I have been sending only really text confessionals right now and I am REALLY sorry about that, since pretty much a lot of my life has FINALLY FUCKING CLEARED UP I can actually start doing them, butttt since I'm a procrastinator on all sense of the word I'm just gonna type something here and be done with it okay?

Anyways, MERRRRGGGEE! I am fucking SHOCKED that I have made it this far. Keep in mind I really don't think that I would have had any issues getting to the merge keep in mind. Other than the shit I was going through early game and then with some other stuff I feel relatively blessed to be here. I made some connections on my swapped tribe which helped me stay around, and then afterwards I pretty much like... I'm here! I wanted to try and win as many challenges as I could just to help me get by, but then again I'm not the most TALKATIVE person in the world so whatever, I'm planning on fixing that now.

ANYWAYS going into live night I am worried. I was playing three games at once including this WHILE working and BEFORE I got COVID so that was.... okay that wasn't really that fun but still WHATEVER I TRIED GURL OKAY? And from the looks of it the first round should be easy with a relative chips boot which I am fine with. The second round though? That's where the primary issue lies. The only name I heard relative to that is potentially lovealis which I am down with. I got Jules who is a Brandan STAN, my Coco loco alliance with daisy/szymon, and other connections I have made with people like rob. Since after Chips leaves we're in the Final 10 during live night that's easier for my mental sanity. and with me/daisy/szymon/rob/jules, that is already HALF the votes. So I feel... good.

I did not succeed at the social queen immunity.

A social queen i am not.

I was told the vote would be me... so I packed my bags.

Then... a LONG time later they want to blindside Rob. I say okay, I'm down knowing I trust no one so trying to hold on to my smallest sliver of hope that this isn't an elaborate lie.

Then we get live round! If I make it that far I'm ready to party!

Click HERE to watch Gage’s Video!

Click HERE to watch Rob’s Final Words

________________________________________________________________

Rob is voted out 6-3-1. He becomes the first member of our jury. We then have LIVE NIGHT! At live night, Lovelis goes home 9-1 and becomes the second member of our jury.

Watch the Cast Assessment for this Episode and last Episode below:

youtube

#episode #superspooky

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koi-does-emotions · 4 years ago

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alright incoming big text post here because i need to YELL. AGGRESSIVELY. yes its a vent be warned but you agreed to this if you followed a blog literally called koi-does-emotions lmao so here we go, uh, here’s the big server update,of today, it’s over someone came in the server and destroyed it all while i had it muted (at this point i have completely given up on moderating it because theres like a bunch of other mods there and i assumed it would be fine) so. it's gone for real this time maybe this is a good thing actually??? ive thought about it a lot over this time everyone is upset and everyone is accusing eachother and i think maybe it's just time to let that server go it was toxic as shit but god was it fun while it lasted but,, yeah,, i only spent time there for months at a time, and talked to pretty much nobody outside of that and wow i was,,, kind of an idiot when theres a literal... much more a. consistently fun b. less toxic c. well-modded d. with friends server on my serverlist i feel like i should be sadder about this? like obviously im,, still really sad but moreso im just sad i dont have any screenshots of the good parts of that server but i guess maybe it wasnt the best place to be?? it tested my patience so often and it made me cry a lot man idk how to feel about this at all of course im sad thats a given but at the same time im with better people and i feel a lot better about. everything mostly someone actually said they missed me after i came back?? and like.. frick.. that was nice i stole one of my characters out of the old group and put them in the new one. like, they still remember everything that happened and stuff, but cant get back. chiefly because the old server is Dead i always wanted to sort of.. cap off some sort of character development with them but never got the chance to? getting to possibly do that is nice. with people who actually Care About Character Development as a bonus!! well that was aseries of events that... sure did happen. atleast i get to tell the story of all of ONE of those group’s chars. i mean a pretty important one character to that group, but still it’s kinda, weirdly relieving to have it just be finally done with?? just uh,,, carrying on, i guess anyway thats all im done screaming now thanks for watching dont forget to like and subscribe

the audacity.... of this dude.... deleting our months old discord server, then, in the newly made restoration of said server, like a week later, advertising their "better" server.

i want to S C R E A M

#koivent #vent #vent post #koi-does-emotions

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survivorarabia · 8 years ago

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FINALE “#PerceptionIsReality” - Richie

Ruthie

I had to change my vote to Emmott because he was all over the place, I adore him so much though and I hate that mine and Alex's plan got messed up because of my big mouth about Lena's idol, rip me. </3

Ruthie

I FELT THIS COMING. I really hope Alex and Nicole win, I was so right about taking them to final 3. PLEASE WIN YOU GUYS. <3

Emmott

when you create enough paranoia and drama.... people play idols for you :-) THAT WAS THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD LITERALLY LIKE 10 MINUTES BEFORE TRIBAL LENA AND RICHIE ARE LIKE "come vote ruthie" and SO RUTHIE IS LITERALLY MY MUM AND I GENUINELY LOVE HER! she is the sweetest human being to ever graced the planet!!!!! lena and richie have promised me f3, and i am sticking to that LIKE SUPER GLUE! BUT if they break it, the will hear from my laywer!!!!!!!!! THIS IS CRAZY I CAN'T BELIEVE IM HERE. i think the jury hates me a lot, but i think i can swing enough votes at the end against lena and richie to maybeeee have a shot? omg im so shook i cant even explain it

Lena

Honestly I am at a loss for words right now... I cannot believe Richie, myself, and Emmott blindsided Ruthie. Alex had immunity otherwise it would have been him. But we have to make sure Alex doesn't win this next challenge... We have to. I was just talking to Ruthie and Nicole about a final 3 earlier today but then I realized, to get Alex.. we have to get Ruthie out too. I thought Nicole and Ruthie were extremely close but they apparently weren't.. I wish I had known that, because I could have just approached Nicole and saved my idol for next time. I have a chance at winning this game now as long as Alex is next to go.. I can't believe I beat my Palawan placement, though. I am in a total state of shock over this.

Emmott

HOW DID I END UP WORKING WITH LENA OMG WHAT A QUEEN I LOVE HER SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!

Alex

This is so fucking ugly Lena, you can go and fuck yourself.

Richie

i did........ that http://68.media.tumblr.com/0cb56c37723d7349c4e2f9ee90ac112e/tumblr_of3p98IyeO1vzwwmeo2_250.gif it was like 30 minutes before the vote and ruthie said that she was on call with emmott earlier and something inside me just... light up... ruthie and alex were playing the jury so hard and i wasnt going to just sit there and let it happen.... so i went to lena and was destroyed alex and ruthie's game and just went for it i was like fuck it if this goes bad at least im making a move to try and better myself and i just told lena how ruthie was the glue bc of her relationship with nicole and her relationship with alex so if we went to final 5 with those 3 we would be fucked and i just kept emphasizing how crucial of a role ruthie has played in every relationship in this game and lena 15 minutes before the vote was in lena said "Hear me out, okay? I think we should vote for Ruthie...." and i was like http://68.media.tumblr.com/f0127660609c51a34bdfa74033903285/tumblr_of3pd5e6Md1vzwwmeo7_250.gif so that was amazing but then lena followed that statement by saying "I have a plan....... and an idol" and it was like the gates of heaven opened and i saw the light that this was actually going to happen i actually pulled this off and huge shout out to lena bc whew!!!!!!! this was super hard bc the family alliance was such a great thing personally and strategically and i loved every moment of working as a group but fuck it sucks that that was the move i felt had to be done..... now i have to deal with the clean up which is nahhhhhhhht gonna be pretty but whew it was exciting ;)

Nicole

WHEW. OKAY. THIS HAS BEEN A CRAZY ROUND AND I HAVEN'T MADE A CONFESSIONAL IN FOREVER SO HERE IT GOES. Ruthie was my #1 in this game, she is so sweet and honestly one of my favorite people in this community! BUT, she did have a really good game and I can see why people would want her out. Anyway, I don't know where I stand all I know is the immunity being Maverick Bird literally stressed me tf out and I'm glad it was changed to endurance

Alex

http://img.ifcdn.com/images/c9f3d0124cac6fe0da52957cfff351bd749537fafbd3106156ed92780d73ea2d_1.jpg

Alex

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of Ruthie Motta, who was tragically voted out exactly one (1) round before I was planning on doing it, how dare you Lena, you stole my kill So. Uh. Last night was a time. Good news, flushed the idol! Bad news, Ruthie died. So, uh, that really sucks. And it's mostly because I wasn't around so now I feel like I'm on the bottom all of a sudden. I feel like I had so much I wanted to say about this and now I don't have any of it any more. It sucks. This sucks. Ruthie and I have been together this whole game, 32 days. And now she's gone, and I...I don't know who to lean on, who I can talk to, who I can even trust at this point. Does Richie want me out next? Does Lena? Is Nicole really still with me or is she about to drive a bus over me? The Family's dead, and without Immunity, I don't know how to pick up the pieces. I don't know how to talk to Lena without wanting to shout at her. I just...I don't know. I'm adrift, and I'm not giving up, but it's...it's gonna be a new game now. And every round from here on in. I'm much less confident about making the end than I was before.

Alex

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen and variations thereupon, to Alex's last stand. I thought I would have had that Immunity, but obviously Lena and Richie wanted to make sure I didn't have it, and it worked. Congrats to them. The only thing I can do now is throw myself on their mercy and point out what a jury threat Emmott is. Do I believe it? Not necessarily. But I'm not wrong that he has a couple votes on lockdown, regardless of who else is there, in Issy and Aren. The only thing I can do is sell that I just want to make 4, that Nicole and I aren't together, and that Emmott needs to go now. Will it work? Maybe. But Richie & Lena hold my life in their hands, and I hate that. I hate not having any control at all. In some ways it's my fault because I burned my bridges sufficiently with Emmott to the point that I'm not getting shit from him, but that's also on him too. I wish I had more to say here, but I don't. It's not up to me anymore. It's all on them.

Richie

its been like 2 days since the last tribal council where me and lena did THAT and i'm still not over how simultaneously iconic and heartbreaking of a move that was... ruthie is the epitome of genuine kindness and alex is someone i have enjoyed having a genuine connection with since day 1 so betraying them sucks but like also its a game and what i did and what me and lena pulled off.... whew!!!!!!!! i knew that alex was going to feel super betrayed and go HARD af in this immunity challenge and i am an endurance flop, i love sleep it's my #1 priority, but like i knew i wanted this win and my body hates me but i somehow pulled out a win so holy shit im going to final 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://68.media.tumblr.com/73479bdb2a4e827a39fa094ecc4d5759/tumblr_of3p41DFQy1vzwwmeo4_250.gif but let's be real yeah i'm happy and all but of course it wouldnt be a richie confessional without a Meltdown™so lets just jump right into the spiraling :D i dont know what to do.... lmao... how many times have i said that in this game? but literally i don't know what to do britney_spears_"shocking".jpg.... voting out alex is the obvious thing to do right now because me/lena/emmott just formed a final 3, alex is capable of winning immunity if he stays around, and from the start of this game everyone has pegged alex as this huge threat whos in control of this game and since #PerceptionIsReality if thats what people on the jury have been saying if he gets to the end that perception could hand him the win even if theres some bitter jurors who dont like him.... buuuuuuut if he leaves there goes my meat shield like if he's in final 4 NO ONE is going to take him to final 3 so its like a guaranteed all eyes on him as the target and i can slip right into the finale.. if he's gone these of 3 might look at me and think i'm a threat and im fucked because i cant deflect but if i keep him around as a meat shield and he wins final 4 immunity im fucked too so its like..... UGHHHh http://68.media.tumblr.com/8fc26ad4738d3292b68f2e6cf5195ec7/tumblr_of3ougvqUC1vzwwmeo5_250.gif

Alex

I gave it my best go. It just wasn't enough. They've shut off the side of themselves that would respond to my emotional pleas. It's cold, but I understand. It's the right move for them, strategically. I can't fault them there. I just can't pretend it doesn't hurt. We had this. No, fuck that. I had this. I was so close I could taste it. I've never been that close. But I made one mistake and it all spiraled. I don't regret how I played. I can't. I don't know what I could have done better. I'm tearing up now, sorry. I'll get over it, I know. Eventually.

Lena

I cannot believe everything has gone off without a hitch. Ruthie went. Alex went. I actually believe I have a chance at winning this game. Even if I don't, I want it to be Richie and Nicole sitting with me at the end and they both have played wonderful games. I'm at a loss for words right now, I cannot believe I made it this far.

Richie

http://68.media.tumblr.com/a1c42de3eca8896fdcf68bd083a2a0b8/tumblr_ogtaabu79Y1vzwwmeo8_r1_250.gif so i voted out alex at the last tribal council which killed me as a person bc i was still not over voting out ruthie and then to vote out the other person in the alliance that i loved being a part of…. that sucked!!!!!!!!!!!! but i did it because i knew that letting alex get to the end was handing the jury someone that they had been talking up all game and i couldnt do it…. and he told me that he would throw the f4 immunity challenge if i didnt vote him out he just didnt want emmott to get to the end and i said that he was too much of a game player to mean that and i voted him out because i thought that i could take out emmott at f4 bc he has votes locked in but here we are in the final 4 and emmott has immunity and im just………. im fucked and it sucks because it means that there’s a good chance i’m getting voted out and if somehow i magically mist my way into staying this week theres an equally good chance that i won’t win this game with emmott having friends on the jury so its like…. fuck dude im an end justifies the means type of person and i played hard and i fucked over everyone in this game and its very very likely that it was all for nothing http://68.media.tumblr.com/d70acd9f7d12febd8c49717661e19834/tumblr_ogtaabu79Y1vzwwmeo6_r1_250.gif

Emmott

I FUCKING MADE IT TOO FTC AND I WON AN IMMUNITY CHALLENGE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL IT TOOK WAS A NEW IDENTITY AND 4 SEASONS TO GET THERE THIS B*STON R*B TEAS AAAHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!! honestly this is the worst game i've ever played and i honestly don't think i'd have a shot at winning if i was up against another 4 people winning is such an amazing concept tho and my game is trash so i guess the rule is you don't put a bumper sticker on a bently sooooo i will probs lose BUT I THINK I HAVE A SHOT BECAUSE THESE 3 ARE ... ????!!! NOT great??!! nicole was a goat lena peaked really late and was innactive af. all she did was play the idol on me which could have been her stupidest move idk?????? richie i am worried tho. he was a kinda goat this entire game and people might vote for him if they were REALLLYYY SALTY AT ME and i have a feeling fawz might hate me i think i have ruthie, issy and aren's vote but the rest i'd really have to give it a shot and put myself out there. when alex left he said "the last time i vote for you. and that's a promise" lIKE DOES THAT MEAN HE WONT VOTE FOR ME AT FTC ??????? IM CONFUSED i think i can maybe get ci'eres vote or jay's IDK im realy fucking stressed coz i wanna win so bad but i think people are gonna be salty coz i flipped on that fawz bullshit but like ???????? its there own fucking faults! if they added me to their alliance and ACTUALLY TRIED making an effort with me it might be different??? people management GOALS <3 <3 <3 <3 but then i can't say that in my Q&A with the jurors coz I NEED THEM TO LIKE ME so i might try it in a real passive aggresive way coz like its there fault i flipped so dont be fuckwits to me i just really hope people are forgiving, COZ I THINK I HAVE A SHOT!!!

this is also the worst possible final 4 to go with because they're all almost always OFFLINE !!!!!

https://67.media.tumblr.com/7c7f38cafbd329aeae09819c0b49f9e6/tumblr_o42c0mpv2F1uakpa5o1_400.gif https://media.giphy.com/media/HqtbJDp8FEivC/giphy.gif https://67.media.tumblr.com/69e723e7fe1a69cb63ba639039d34e63/tumblr_n0abginEZW1se8ddwo1_500.gif

Richie

i’m either literally voting myself out of the game tonight or making a move that will guarantee me a spot in the f3 and there’s no way of knowing which it’s going to be until the votes are read so http://68.media.tumblr.com/e23df711439b4fc6670037aadf007dea/tumblr_ogtaabu79Y1vzwwmeo5_r1_250.gif i’m really mad at nicole bc she’s in a great position right now and i’m not and i dont like when other people do well.. like ya i like her and good for her being in a powerful position in this game but its rude and i hate it because i want to be that person so its ugly!!!!! nicole came to me and told me that she went to lena saying to vote me out and i was like interesting….. because if lena wasn’t going to go along with that plan she would have come to me and ratted nicole out to ensure that i vote out nicole so i was like hmmm okay…. so the plan right now that i’m taking a gamble on is that emmott votes nicole, lena votes me, i vote lena, and nicole is the deciding force on who goes home and i hate it like all of this could be a lie from nicole to pit me and lena against each other so that we vote for the other one and she stays safe and gets to choose who she goes to the end with, frankly its genius and if this were a different situation i would this theory to lena and turn her against nicole so we would vote out nicole 3-1 however i feel like i have a better shot at getting more votes sitting next to nicole than i do sitting next to lena so its like i could come in 4th from trying and failing the 2-1-1 plan or come in 3rd by voting out nicole 3-1 so i’m hoping if the 2-1-1 plan succeeds and nicole doesnt vote me out i have a shot at trying to secure some votes in the jury and thats all i want…… THIS IS LITERALLY KILLING ME I HATE THIS SO MUCH!!! pretty much this entire game up until 24 hours ago i havent been in a position where i truly felt like i was even remotely in danger of being voted out and now that i’m here staring at my own mortality it……..isn’t fun? i’m hopeful that i’m staying tonight i’ve been working on nicole telling her how much i want to go to the end with her and also telling her i was going to vote for lena in the end (oops lmao) but im a realistic person so i’m not expecting to stay so if i leave tonight and become the final juror to my fellow players sorry i backstabbed and lied to yall for no reason lmao and to the 2 people cheering me on in the vl im sorry to have failed you http://68.media.tumblr.com/5a88f6553fb76a93d3627ae16a5fc278/tumblr_ogtaabu79Y1vzwwmeo7_r1_250.gif && with that… richie OUT! (?????????)

Richie

A MOTHERFUCKIIIINGGGGG TIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I caaaaaaaaan't go on like this FUCK I want to make it to final 3 so bad but this tie breaker is literally made for Lena to win I'm a literal ball of anxiety that cracks under pressure and she's a fucking speed typer who has found an idol from getting a clue and going to a page so like... I'm doomed but I'm trying to remain positive and not go in with a defeated mindset because then I'll definitely lose but fuck Ive tried so hard and got so far and in the end it doesn't even matter bc I can see my game ending because of emmott and being stupid and a slow typer and I HATE IT UGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH http://68.media.tumblr.com/3fd3702c9cdf15d2ac464436c8be0dbb/tumblr_oelryngZFq1vzwwmeo4_250.gif whewwwww okay positive thoughts :) I am going to kick ass in this tie breaker, I want to win, I want to win this game bc if i dont then I singlehandedly destroyed my alliance that I loved and made it so we all lost but if I win that means that I'm a cutthroat strategist that did what I had to do to win so that's what I'm going to do :) :) :) :) :) :) ...........fucK

Emmott

nicole is literally so irrelevant and she thinks she's made it to the end because she got game. she is literally the worlds biggest GOAT AHAHAHAH omg what a hoe im sick of her. anyone would have taken her shes dead weight! she's made zero impact on this game like she can't even get an idol play right !!!!! don't come for me nicole because you have nothing to support yourself fuck off i hate this game and coz of that hoe im probs gonna lose and i get this is completely emotional and i shouldn't be fighting her in the tribe chat but i hate when unintellegent, dumb, naive, idiotic people act like they smart and got nerve. its my pet peeve. hate dumb people wow. have fun coming SECOND AGAIN HAAHAHAHAHAH

Emmott

LIKE I HATE THE SNARKINESS OF THESE IDIOTS that send memes and instigate fights and are sarcastic and ridiculous like they reckon they're all big online because they can send a shady meme WOW hope those shady memes get you thru life hun <3

Emmott

RICHIE FUCKING WON THE TIE I WANT TO DIE

Emmott

this final 3 is a mess....

Emmott

now im a fucking richole thirdwheel get me outta here

Richie

FUUUUUUCK!!!! AHHHH!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I JUST WON THE TIE BREAKER AND IM IN THE FINAL THREEE?!?!?! THAT WAS SO STRESSFUL FUCKKKK!!!!! http://68.media.tumblr.com/72c85b4a2d82c49580e83a8a74ce83a1/tumblr_of3p41DFQy1vzwwmeo6_250.gif I hate everything I'm so overwhelmed i was bored and stressed out so I facilitated?? drama between Nicole and emmott in the main chat while I waited for Lena to come back so that was the most fun I've had in this game in a while lmao but somehow not as exciting as winning the tie breaker!!!! i dont know why Nicole kept me because I was passionately trying to vote her out from like f8-f6 but okay cool im happy I didn't WHEW I can't believe this.... Now all that's left is the jury which scares me because I played a weird game like for a while it was intentionally UTR and trying to seem weak to the point where people may think I wasn't playing which could cost me but also looking back I played the middle and literally lied, back stabbed, and voted out every single person on the jury and I had a good social game but that could just make people feel more betrayed rather than being good jury management so I'm nervous and i dont know what approach to take with my speech should I be the unapologetic bitch or should I try to pretend to be likable lmao FUCK I love this game and hate everything about it at the same time it's truly wild richieWHEWWWWWWW these jury questions? fUCK... i wrote a long as jury opening bc hello youve seen my confessionals im obsessed with myself and cant stop talking and apparently that pissed people off bc of their own egos and i get that but also fuck you?????? like alex saying that i took credit for things i dont deserve when firstable BITCH a direct quote from my speech is "I felt grateful to be part of an alliance that worked so well together and functioned off of genuine teamwork I don’t want to take full credit bc it was truly a team effort for a good chunk of this game" and in how many of my confessionals did i talk about how much i loved being in the family and how its literally a team effort? i never once in this game genuinely took sole credit for anything HOWEVER... I'M the one thats here and i'm going to talk up my fucking game to get people to see that i played hard, yes i didnt make some of the moves alone but did i not still make those moves? the family is not trying to win this game I am so thats what i'm going to talk about me..... like i'm literally so annoyed i'm probably going to lose this game because going to come off as such a bitch in my answers but im pissed ofat alex and lena trying to bring me down just because of their own egos like yeah alex made moves and i didnt do the fucking ruthie vote alone but it happened because of ME, it wouldnt have happened without lena but it happened BECAUSE of me so i have those 2 saying that move isnt mine and then julia saying i was alex's sheep??? like fuck you?????? if i was alex's sheep he would be here still and he's not here because its called being in an alliance and working WITH someone and using their threat status as a shield and then cutting them so that youre the one thats at the end like literally i'm so annoyed i want to fight them ALLLLLLLLL... except ciere bc his question was actually really nice and it was the first time i felt validated and im emotional... like alex had 9 minutes of a video dedicated to dragging me and discrediting my game like F U C K Y O U ! !! ! ! !! ! ! ! !! ! (dear future players, i dont mean this personally but if you get a chance to vent so do i <3) UGHHHH I CANT BELIEVEEEEE i have to keep replaying this 9 minute video of me being dragged to filth which is 94% bullshit, yeah i may have talked myself up a little bit but its the fucking jury speech and im trying to win what the fuck do you want me to do be humble???? no! like if i went back in time and told 13 year old me that 10 years in the future i'd be broke, single, no job, living with my parents, and mentally ill i'd believe it because that part of my reality is realistic... if i went back in time and told 13 year old me that 10 years in the future that i was playing in an online version of the show survivor, yes that show that you watched like 5 years ago is somehow still on, in a CHAT ROOM with STRANGERS and in order to try and get these strangers to give you the NONEXISTENT prize you must watch a 9 minute video of someone from OHIO talk shit about you because of things you strategically said and did, 13 year old me would probably assassinate bill gates to make sure the internet DIED and that reality couldnt exist bceause FUCK!!!!!!!!! emI Deserved To Win: A New Musical ~ Coming Soon richiehttp://68.media.tumblr.com/f60a84f5748d15f8a1625f64c461082e/tumblr_of3p41DFQy1vzwwmeo7_250.gif http://68.media.tumblr.com/72c85b4a2d82c49580e83a8a74ce83a1/tumblr_of3p41DFQy1vzwwmeo6_250.gif http://68.media.tumblr.com/73479bdb2a4e827a39fa094ecc4d5759/tumblr_of3p41DFQy1vzwwmeo4_250.gif

#survivornightmare #masstag #confessionals

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