#anyway the best place for me to hang out in my childhood was either an abandoned quarry or a random pile of logs in the wood

[deepseacityunderground]

its insane to me when americans will talk about their rural upbringing and then bring up going to like supermarkets or resturants to hang out

[comicwritesstuff]

okay this is so incredibly specific so please feel free to ignore BUT i’ve been wanting to read a fic for ages where the reader is Chase’s childhood best friend from Australia and she moves to New Jersey for a fresh start. She’s staying with Chase while she gets settled, and one day she comes to visit him at lunch at the hospital, where she ends up meeting House and he’s… intrigued by her 👀 either romantic or smut would be so very cool :^D <33 💐

YES. I LOVE THIS PROMPT IM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG BUT IM FINISHED!!!

Gregory House x Fem!Chases bsf!Reader

Warnings: None really, just cussing and tooth rotting fluff >:) 3k+ words.

Chase's POV: 

“Well I was just wondering if we could go out sometime, I think you're really-” My attention shifted as y/n's call lit up my phone, interrupting the conversation. It was a more pressing matter than pursuing a one-night stand.

“Excuse me for a moment.” I say walking away, the woman having an annoyed look on her face. 

I answer the phone.

“Hello, y/n? Whats up” 

“Chase! Long time no talk haha.”

“You called me yesterday.”

“Learn to take a joke, anyways, I have some exciting news for you.”

“I’m moving to New Jersey!!” 

“Wait what? Really?”

“Yeah, I kinda forgot to tell you and i'm actually at the airport right now, so I hope you aren't busy tomorrow so you can pick me up.”

“Wow, um alright, yeah I can pick you up, do you have a place to stay?"

“Um…no…” I sigh, “Just stay at mine for now.”

“Don't even with the sigh i’ve known you my whole life you can put the nightly hookups on hold for your best friend.” 

I smirk and shake my head, “Yeah yeah, I’ll see ya tomorrow y/n” 

Y/N’s POV:

I smile as I hang up with Chase, grabbing my luggage and pulling it along the airport. Ahh yes, crying babies, rushed parents, annoying couples and that one insanely attractive person you see for a split second, I love the airport. 

Glancing at my ticket I realize I might have to hurry to make it to the gate, speed walking I see a text from chase, “Have a safe flight.” Let's hope so. 

Time skip (to lazy to write all the details about fucking airports)

Relaxing on a 21-hour flight proved challenging, especially with a toddler nearby. It was unclear whether the toddler would be a source of annoyance or just be tolerable. The flight just started. So to entertain myself I decide to do some digging about Chase's job, he brags about it all the time and the infamous Dr Gregory House. To be honest I thought Chase was gay for a little while with how much he talks about him. Still speculating. 

The plane lifts off and I start my look, at first just looking up Gregory House, a surprising amount of things show up. An article titled, “Gregory House, Talented Doctor? Or a lying Narcissist?” Oh well that's a good first impression.   

Scrolling down I see another article, “The world's greatest doctor, and his deepest secrets” 

Now that's enticing. I click on it only to find out his deepest secrets, including using 3 in one shampoo and how his leg got hurt. I guess people hardly know anything about him. I click on the photos of him, there's only a couple, most of them blurry but to be honest he's pretty good looking from the photos I can see. I’d honestly be gay for him if I was Chase. 

The toddler next to me starts giggling, I glance at her and notice her staring at a picture of House. She's kicking her feet too. That's so relatable. 

For the rest of the flight I find some stuff about this guy named Taub, who somehow also figured out that he cheated on his wife which is why he had to quit. How did I find that out? I took a coding class in 8th grade. (I got lucky) 

Lisa Cuddy the Dean of Medicine, unfortunately only good stuff about her, boring. 

Remy Hadley, oddly, can't find anything on her. 

Eric Foreman, his brothers in jail, fun. 

And the others are just as boring. For the remainder of the flight, the toddler proved surprisingly chill. I passed the time by binge-watching random movies I had downloaded earlier

*Another time skip to plane landing* 

Finally, 21 hours on a fucking plane is horrible. 

I check my phone after I take it off airplane mode, seeing a text from chase a couple minutes ago. 

“I’m at the airport, is your flight done?”

“Yep, wya.”

“I’m parked in the front.”

“That's specific” 

“There's no other front dumbass”

I roll my eyes at his text, and get off the plane as soon as I can. I walk out and see Chase standing outside his car waiting for me. His eyes light up as he spots me, and a grin spreads across his face. Unable to resist, I rush forward and envelop him in a bear hug.

“Man you’re a lot uglier in person” 

I say jokingly, smirking.

“Oh shut up”  

We climbed into his car, and he drove us back to his apartment. When we arrive he helps get my crap into the house, before he gets a call saying he had to head to work. 

Eventually a week or two passes, I've gotten more comfortable in his apartment, applied for a bunch of jobs, and looked for places to stay so I’m not invading his “man” space anymore. Unfortunately there aren't a lot of options, and no jobs have replied to my applications, which is weird since im overqualified, it's almost like they aren’t even getting my applications in the first place. 

I’m doing the dishes when I get a text from Chase.

“Hey, I left my wallet on the counter, so I don’t have money for food, could ya bring it for me?” 

“Nah”

“See you soon”

I breathe out a laugh and grab his wallet, putting a coat on then driving to the hospital. 

When I get there I walk in, looking around before I call Chase, “Where do I go this place is huge” I can hear talking in the background, actually more like arguing. “Uhm just wait at the entrance i’ll be right there.” He says in a whisper.

He hangs up so I just stand there awkwardly waiting, that was a weird ass phone call. To be fair Chase is a weird ass guy with weird ass coworkers so what do I expect at this point. 

Before I see Chase I see Dr Gregory House, limping quickly towards me. And damn he’s even hotter in person than the pictures I saw of him. 

“Hey, no time to explain, you need to come with me.” He grabs my arm dragging me into the elevator. Before it closes I see Chase come out of the stairway, he sprints towards the elevator but it closes. I hear him trying to say something, but it's muffled and I can’t understand it. Wait why the fuck did I even follow House? 

“You're real compliant, you’d make a great hooker.” 

I turn around and side eye him.

“Thanks, so would you.” I say giving a fake smile. 

“Speaking of compliant, why did you drag me away from Chase? What's going on?’’

“I made a bet with Chase.”

“That's really specific and helpful thanks” 

“Oh yeah no problem” 

Sarcastic asshole. 

“If you don’t tell me, I'll stop following you and go with Chase.” 

He rolls his eyes.

“Fine, Mom! The bet is that I can convince you to work as my assistant here.”

“Really? That's it? I need a job. Why would Chase even bet against that?” 

“He thinks you’ll fall in love with me so he doesn’t want that to happen, in his words, “She has a thing for homeless looking, narcissistic assholes with beards.” So he’s trying to prevent it, and he’s sure he can.”  

Damn- I feel so called out. I stay silent before nodding.

“Well to be honest he isn’t wrong.” 

I see House smirk before we get out of the elevator, he hobbles and leads me to his office, locking the door then having me sit down. 

As I sit down in front of his desk, he grabs a ball and starts throwing it against the wall, while sitting down. 

“So are you gonna interview me or something?” 

“Yeah, I’m just waiting for Chase to get back up here so he can watch me interview you.” 

He really is an asshole…it's kinda hot though. 

“Fair enough.” 

We wait a bit before Chase comes jogging up to the door, out of breath, he’s clearly been running plenty. He starts banging on the glass door that House previously locked.

“House!! Y/N! Let me in! This isn’t fair!” He exclaims, House is grinning when he leans over his desk, crossing his arms.

“Okay! Let’s start this interview now.” 

“Y/n! You traitor!” 

Did I abandon my childhood best friend for some disabled doctor? No, I did it for the job. At least that's what I'm telling myself.   

Turning my attention back to House instead of the Australian cry baby outside the door, he asks me, “First question, do you want the job of being my assistant?” 

“Obviously”

“Great! You have the job!” 

I mean, easy enough. I smile and shake my head. This hospital really has some unique people. 

House shakes my hand, grinning as Chase is sitting on the floor defeated outside. 

As the days turned into weeks at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, I got to know everyone. Cuddy had to actually approve of me working as House’s assistant first, but once she saw a…normal enough individual, she welcomed me into the environment.

Getting to know House better, I found myself drawn to him in ways I hadn’t really expected. The bet between House and Chase, Chase thinking I would fall for House, I took it as a joke, until that joke turned more into reality. 

Despite House being a narcissistic piece of shit, there were small moments that I saw, or shared with him that made me fall for him. Ones where he seemed happy, or just easy to be around. At work he's serious but when Wilson dragged him out to bars, or other social environments, he could actually be fun. And though him being a dick is undeniably attractive sometimes, when he was…”himself” that's how I began to fall for him.  

One day, after an especially tough day for the team, and being forced to go break into houses and get coffee and food, I found myself alone with House in his office. The rest of the team had left, leaving us in a rare moment alone with each other. As I glanced up from the medical chart of the most recent patient, I caught House’s gaze lingering on me, his blue eyes intense and unreadable. 

“Something on your mind, House?” I asked, attempting to break the awkward silence between us. 

He smirked, leaning back in his chair with a casual ease, “Oh just wondering why a catch like yourself doesn’t have a boyfriend, or husband?” He responds, his tone laced with flirtatiousness.

I couldn’t help but chuckle at his response, a faint blush on my cheeks. House and I had gained an uncanny camaraderie, made from me running around doing everyone's paperwork, being the designated “you get to tell patients they are dying!!” person. And as you’d expect people didn’t respect me a lot, but if someone was blatantly mean to me, House would step in and destroy their self esteem in a second and walk away like it meant nothing. That's another thing that I think made me fall for him. 

“Believe me, I’ve been asking myself that a lot too.” I smile, placing the medical chart on his desk. 

“Do you want a boyfriend? Or girlfriend, or a pet or something.” He quips, his eyes looking like they are reading me, studying my every movement and reaction to what he’s saying, it's flattering and uncomfortable at the same time. 

“A boyfriend would be nice.” I say reassuringly, a laugh escaping me as I shake my head in amusement.

“Alright let's say *hypothetically* I asked you out. *hypothetically* what would your response be?” 

Raising an eyebrow I ask, “Are you trying to go on a date with me?”

“I said hypothetically, now answer the question.” 

A smirk plays on my lips as I roll my eyes in a mock annoyance. 

“Well.” I say, “Hypothetically, I would say yes.” 

“Great, meet me for dinner at (some random fancy place idk u make up a name i'm too lazy to), wear something cute.” 

 With that, he sauntered out of the office, leaving me to think about what just happened. Glancing at the clock, I realized I had just enough time to get ready for our “hypothetical date.” 

The anticipation bubbled within me, standing outside (IDK A RESTAURANT NAME IT), waiting for House to arrive. My heart raced with nervous excitement, unsure what to expect from a…unique…guy like House. I had used all the time I had to work on my outfit, settling for a simple dress (or suit, or just anything you're comfy in :) ). 

As I scanned the busy street, searching for any sign of House, I heard the obnoxiously loud sound of a motorcycle approaching. House rode in, parking his bike before getting off and walking (limping) towards me. My breath caught in my throat as I saw him, he looked impossibly handsome, in a tailored suit that made his rugged charm come out, good god he looked fine. 

“Y/n,” he greeted with a warm smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners in genuine affection. “That outfit makes your ass look nice.” 

I scoff playfully, hitting his arm. “So much for acting like a gentleman, at least you look like one.” 

He chuckled, offering me his arm in a more gentlemanly gesture. “Yeah yeah, shall we?” 

With a nod, I looped my arm through his, savoring the warmth of his touch as we mad our way into the restaurant. The ambiance was elegant and inviting, with a soft candlelight casting a warm glow over the decor. 

As we were seated at a table in a quiet corner of the restaurant, I couldn’t help but feel a flutter of excitement in my chest. I’m finally going out with House, damn Chase was totally right. 

Throughout the evening, our conversation flowed surprisingly easily between us. I had half expected him to be rude or stuck up, but he seemed actually interested in me, in my life. He was asking questions, laughing and joking with me. Sharing stories of his own, and treating me like an actual human. Honestly it was scaring me a bit, but it was making me fall harder for him. 

House raised an eyebrow, a playful glint in his eyes. ‘So, tell my Y/N. What’s the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you?” 

I laughed, shaking my head as I thought about the memory. “Well, there was this one time in college-” 

“Let me guess,” House interrupted, a smirk playing on his lips. “It involved copious amounts of alcohol and very questionable decisions?” 

I chuckle and nod in agreement. “You could say that. Long story short, I ended up streaking through the campus fountain at three in the morning. I'm pretty sure Chase might still have a video of it still.”

House raises an eyebrow, an amused laugh coming from him. “I wish I could say I was surprised, oh and also. I am finding that video.” He states, with a determined and mischievous grin. 

The dinner continues and our connection just seems to get stronger, fueled by shared laughter, stories of shit Wilson and him did in college, things Chase and I did in highschool. With each passing moment, I found myself more and more under House’s spell, captivated by the complexity of himself, his character. His gaze, laughter, even his personality. Maybe it was the wine or something, but House was being nice, he had charisma, and was being attractive in general.  

I don’t even realize that we’ve spent almost three hours in the restaurant just talking. I check my phone seeing that it's 9:30 already. We had got and paid the check awhile ago, but had stayed to talk longer. The restaurant closes at 10, and I felt a sudden pang of disappointment that our date was close to being over with. I didn’t want it to end, I was savoring this moment I was having, this seemingly perfect night. 

When the waiter arrived to take our dessert order, I couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment that the evening was drawing to a close. I wasn't ready for it to end—I wanted to savor every moment, to prolong the magic of our time together for as long as possible.

House notices my look of disappointment, “I’m aware how amazing I am, but if its up to me, this won’t be our last date.” 

A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth, my cheeks heating up as I blush. The butterflies in my stomach going absolutely insane. 

So with a quick glance around the restaurant, I rose from my seat, House grabbed my hand as he led me towards the exit. 

Stepping out into the cool night air, I felt a sense of happiness coursing through me. This was it, the beginning of a new relationship, a surprisingly healthy one so far. 

As House’s hand tightened around mine, his touch sent sparks of electricity coursing through my veins. I knew now that maybe Chase knows me better than I know myself, in all fairness he predicted this, but right now I wasn’t afraid to admit this, to admit the undeniable attraction that I had towards Dr Gregory House. 

His touch leaves mine, his hand pulling as we stand in front of the restaurant, close to each other, staring in each other's eyes. I glance at his lips before leaning in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, not sure if he expected it, but I pull back.

“Goodnight House. I’ll see you tomorrow.” And with that I walk away, to my car. When I get in my car, I look in the mirror, seeing House standing there with a lovestruck grin, one a child would have over some school crush. But it was cute, he was cute. And this was just the beginning of an annoyingly predicated relationship with a Vicodin addicted, asshole, who I suspect has a soft spot for me.

[ksyongi]

a turn of events

synopsis - a mingyu wonwoo fanfic where you wake up naked from a drunken night spent with mingyu which changes your life.

genre - romance, smut, childhood friends to lovers

pairing - childhoodbsf!wonwoo x reader x childhoodbsf!mingyu

wc: approx 4.8k

NSFW - MINORS DNI

warnings: mentions of rain, use of pet names, teeny bit of jealousy, smut ; dirty talk, dom!wonu, dom!gyu, sub!reader, oral(f) and oral(m) wonu being a tad bit rough but it's soft a tad bit too. written with the thought of the reader being on birth control btw so no accidents🙈(lmk if i missed out anything)

an: A BIG BIG THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO HELPED ME ON THIS !! i started on this like last december and man this too way to long with my procrastination but anyway, i hope its okay because i'm not experienced with writing a lot of smut, do lmk if you guys want a pt.2 :) <3

m.list

Yeah, a few drinks huh… You did not know a few drinks would end up with you waking up fully naked a room, hell you barely remember anything. You turn your head and see a bunch of photo frames placed on the desk.

You slowly get up and let an out an audible 'fuck' when you felt the pain between your legs. They must've gone hard on you huh…

You take one in your hands and see two boys in it. Bringing it closer to your face and to it had to be your highschool friends. Kim Mingyu and Jeon Wonwoo, the school's most well known pair of basketball players. Their dynamic worked so well on court that they had been awarded the captain and vice. 

The question everybody had was how they managed to get along? With Mingyu's big ego and Wonwoo's quiet, introverted personality, nobody could understand. You found yourself hanging out with the duo sometimes, they are honestly considered as your best friends. You've invited them to your house multiple times but last night was a first when going to their house since they just recently moved in.

They decided it was a great idea to hold a party after moving into their new house and to get it dirty from all the spilled drinks and litter. You don't even know whose room you were in, you haven't even had the time to familiarize yourself with the home before getting yourself drunk. What a smart move. The week's earlier events had been too much for you, letting loose at your friend's home was the best place you could, right?  

Thinking of the chances of who you could have slept with, you honestly wouldn't mind either if it was Wonwoo or Mingyu. Heck you even might have a huge ass crush on them. There's just something about them ever since you got grouped up one day in highschool for a project. You have even caught yourself daydreaming about being railed by either. Those deceiving soft, innocent eyes of Wonwoo. You bet he was those 'angels in the streets, devil in the sheets' kinda guy. It made your insides flip in the best way possible. Well for Mingyu… his charm was unmatchable by other guys. His flirtatious and confident character were a plus factor. You wouldn't mind if it was him either. The pair was undeniably hot till you wouldn't deny your grown feelings for them ever since the end of highschool when they presented you flowers and a handmade cd full of songs made by them for your birthday.

A click from the door pulled you from your deep thoughts. Speaking of the devil. Mingyu stood there, plate of scrambled eggs in hand, with no shirt and sweatpants that were clinging onto his hips for its dear life. Your eyes trailed down his body till his voice interrupted you. 

"Good morning." Mingyu says. Using his arm to gesture to the bed for you to sit back on. You hum in response, mentally cursing at your drunken mind for not thinking straight the previous night. The situation you got yourself into cannot get any more awkward. 'This ruined our friendship didn't it' you cry out to yourself in your head. You can't help but let a blush rise to your cheeks. Hiding your face, you adjust the loose navy blue shirt on you. Mingyu hands you the plate, watching you start to eat it and give a nod of approval to his cooking. He takes a seat next to you watching you finish the portion of food. 

You were about to be saddened by the fact you couldn't remember anything, but then it all came back to you.

"Taking my cock so well aren't you baby? So pretty under me." His sloppy thrusts bring you to your fourth release of the night. The tight grip he had on your hips made purple marks bloom on them. his grunts and your high pitched moans mixed together. his teeth were sunk into his bottom lip with his eyes tightly shut. the sounds of skin slapping and the smell of sex was evident. “m’ about to cum gyu.” “Alright, cum with me baby.” his thrusts got faster, as your back started to arch at the rush of pleasure. 

Well, shit.

“Hope you're okay with my choice of cooking. Just wanted you to not feel as awkward as you seem right now. You can be yourself, you know." Mingyu shrugs, his eyes fixated on the now empty plate in front of you. 

"What happened last night?" Mingyu's small attempt of comfort does not help and you ask the question that was eventually going to be surfaced. 

"Well, I'm not going to sugarcoat things and go straight to things." Mingyu's irises shift to lock with yours, his eyes seeming as unfazed as ever. "You went to my party yesterday, and you decided to be an idiot and take one too many drinks and decided to hook up with me. Not that I'm surprised about that last part." You break eye contact and groan as Mingyu's lips twitch upwards in amusement. 

What the hell did you get yourself into?

—

"I might have slept with Kim Mingyu, please don't kill me." you confess to the trio in front of you. booseoksoon. Seungkwan slams his hands on the table, catching the attention of others in the cafe.  "WHAT THE FUCK? WE LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR ONE NIGHT AND YOU DO THAT?" Soonyoung shoots him a glare to 'tone the fuck down' that seungkwan brushes off and Seokmin apologizes to the people who are giving questionable glances. You try to hide yourself further into your turtleneck. 

In an instant, Soonyoung puts the pieces together and slides up next to you and pulls the material hugging your neck and the purple marks are on full display for the three. Seokmin's mouth drops agape, Seungkwan slaps a hand to his head, really, really hard, and Soonyoung brings his head closer to your neck trying to examine it as if it was just makeup and all of this was a prank. 

"Girl, you're lucky that you lost your virginity to that hot shot Choi Seungcheol and it wasn't Kim fucking Mingyu." Seokmin shakes his head. His eyes are still wide, trying to recover from that bomb you just dropped on them. 

"I thought you said Mingyu was your 'childhood friend'? I know the guy is hot but really?" Seungkwan's voice is now small, almost in a whisper. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE NOT INTO MEN ANYMORE BECAUSE OF THE LACK OF DICK YOU WERE GETTING MAN." His usual personality came back. You instantly take both your hands and plaster them onto his mouth, muttering apologies to the irritated audience and once again, Seungkwan looked like he was crazy. 

"Hold your darn horses. Explain yourself before one of us marches to Mingyu's house and interrogates him for an answer," Soonyoung rubs his hands on his temples in distress. 

Sure you had a fair share of dick but the last time you ever had sex was like when you were 22? Like a whole two years ago. 

"Well, I'll keep it simple and…not so sweet but you get the idea." The three of them leaned closer to you, eyes filled with a mix of emotion. "Well, I just felt like downing a few drinks and in the morning I just woke up in his bed? What else do you even want me to say man." You sigh, head resting on your palm. 

"Do you regret it?" Seokmin asks, not even hiding an ounce of his curiosity. You look down on your lap and pick on the skin on your fingers as your mouth forms a thin line. They knew that the sex was good and you barely regret it. You couldn't hide the fact that Mingyu was hot. 

"Listen." Soonyoung breaks the silence. "I don't mind if you slept with one of the men you did not expect to, but I don't want you to be hurt. You better sort out where you stand, you better not come crying at one of our doorsteps on one of these days thinking that you were something. I bet all of us feel this way." 

"Yeah, I've known him since I was young so this should not be so bad." 

Soonyoung scoffs and continues. "Just sort your relationship out with him okay? Make sure it isn't awkward or anything. Men are fucking dense and make sure he doesn't think that you are his go-to fuck girl now." 

—

So you find yourself at his doorstep. Grimacing when you remember what happened the last time you went there. You ring the doorbell and hear a pair of feet shuffling behind the door.

What you didn't expect was Wonwoo opening the door instead of Mingyu. You take a step back and you feel the tips of your ears getting hot. 

Wonwoo's hand slowly slides off the handle of the door, "Hey y/n." the low hoarse voice you heard almost sent you to heaven. "Hello Wonwoo…" you find yourself trying not to stutter and hold that eye contact he is holding. Hoping that he did not know anything about the previous night's events, you go straight to the point. "Is Mingyu around by any chance? I have to talk to him about something." Wonwoo shakes his head, "He's out right now, do you wanna come in first? He may come back soon." You quietly accept the offer and enter their home. You see that his eyes follow your figure with your peripheral vision.

You follow him to his room as a usual routine, but you can't dismiss the quiet atmosphere. You did not know why you were feeling this way. Wonwoo was usually a guy with little words but now the fact that you sleep with Mingyu, you couldn't help but feel awkward. "You can get comfortable, let me just finish one more round of my game." You were honestly surprised at his carefree attitude. You sit yourself down on his bed, "Do you remember anything from last night?" You decide to ask. Wonwoo shook his head, "Not really, I was tipsy. Mingyu was busy banging somebody and I couldn't find you anywhere so I just went to bed." You relax at that statement, happy that he was clueless. 

You became comfortable in Wonwoo's presence quite quickly. He finished his game quickly like he said he would and closed his game launcher as soon as the 'victory' screen flashed on his monitor. He placed his glasses on his desk.

"So what do you wanna do now?" He turns around in his chair to face you. Just at that instant, Mingyu enters Wonwoo's room. His eyes widened by the slightest before returning to its usual state. You wave at him, in which he returns one.

"What brings you here?" Mingyu asks. Wonwoo interjects, "She wanted to talk to you about something, which she can ask you now since you are here. So what was it you wanted to ask, y/n?" You were surprised by his sudden straightforwardness. "I uhh just wanted to ask Mingyu if…He's free tonight to come over and just hang out! And since you're here too Wonwoo, wanna come over for a bit later?" You stuttered, only sounding convincing for the last few words. 

The pair in front of you questioned your invitation but went with it. "I'll be there." The taller one said. "I'll be slightly late but I'll definitely be there." Wonwoo gave a small smile. "Great! I'll see you guys then." You quickly take your leave, leaving the two in front of you speechless. "She came all the way here just for that?" Wonwoo snorts. "Weird…" Mingyu looks at the place where you previously sat.

— 

You were expecting Mingyu's arrival. It was currently slightly past 8pm. Bringing out a few bottles of soju, you heard the doorbell ring. 

You quickly pat down your outfit and open the door. Instead of seeing Mingyu, you saw Wonwoo. The wind got knocked out of your lungs after seeing him. Failing to calm yourself down, you hold the door open, letting him in. You fail to notice Wonwoo checking your outfit out while you were trying to neutralize your facial expression. He's in a white turtleneck with a pair of long black pants. To top it all off, he was using those goddamned black framed glasses. Fuck your horemones right now because gosh you really wanted to tear it off him. Your jaw slacked at the slightest and you got snapped out of your thoughts from Wonwoo clearing his throat. 

"O-Oh hey Wonwoo." you smile. "Hey Y/n. Mingyu was held up at home, he made a mess earlier when trying to cook and he's cleaning it up right now." Wonwoo sighs, letting his hand run through his hair. You laugh, standing aside to let him in. 

Wonwoo puts aside his things neatly as you take a seat in the living room. He joined you shortly as you opened a bottle of soju.

"What do you wanna do now?" You ask. "We could probably put on a movie or something." Wonwoo shrugs, taking down a shot of soju. "I have a better idea~"  You sing-song, getting up and gesturing for Wonwoo to follow you.

"Tadaaa" You show Wonwoo the small set-up in your backyard, a few chairs set out with a perfect view of a full moon and a few stars. Wonwoo takes a seat, "This is nice," he sighs. "Of course it would be,'' You wink,  placing down the bottles in your hands onto the table. You take your phone and put a jazz spotify playlist and leave it on shuffle. 

As per usual, you started a conversation. They usually revolved around shared memories from highschool. Some including Mingyu of course, you wonder if he forgot about the night together with Wonwoo. 

"Oh fuck don't remind me of that" You groan, "No way I would let you live this one down, it was hilarious how you asked Hong Jisoo for this favourite colour in 8th grade and the day after you came to school in braces with that exact colour. You were so obvious." Wonwoo was clutching his stomach, his cute laughter made you crack a smile and hide your face in your hands. 

"Oh don't get me started on how you liked that girl from our level and shouted 'Oh this shot is for you!' in the basketball finals right in front of our whole cohort and missed it," You tease, nudging his shoulder. Wonwoo playfully rolls his eyes. "Oh hush, Mingyu would never stop teasing me for that one." 

Your laughter slowly dies down as a familiar tune comes on. Your homecoming dance song. The exact song Wonwoo and you danced two years ago. You didn't have a date because you only had a crush on Mingyu and Wonwoo at the time. You remember it clearly. Watching Mingyu dancing with another girl made your jealousy kindle. But Wonwoo came in front of you, asking you if he could have the dance with you before gently grabbing your arm and you remember dancing with him for the rest of the night. 

Similarly, now he did the same. Standing up, he reaches up his hand. "May I have this dance?" You could simply not refuse, putting your hand in his right away with a blush creeping up your face. He pulls you to his chest onto the grass of your backyard, the small light of your backyard with the stars fit the mood perfectly. You and him swayed to the familiar tune of the song and before you could realise, raindrops started to fall from the sky. One turned into ten and there was a small downpour. But fuck it, since you were already having fun, what more if it were in the rain with Wonwoo? 

Hands still intertwined with his, you slow dance in the rain. Some turns and dips in between the song. You find the song coming to a slow stop, as your hands find a place around Wonwoo's neck. You find yourself in a more intimate position now. You look into his eyes, taking the chance to explore his face too. Wonwoo looks up, "The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" You follow his gaze upwards to the bright moon, "Yeah, it really is." Wonwoo was glad you didn't know the meaning of the sentence he said, but maybe one day you would know the true intentions behind his words.

You both don't seem to mind the drenched outfits and how they were sticking to your body. Both of you slowly look back at each other and you see Wonwoo staring at your lips. You see Wonwoo hesitating, "Can I kiss you?" Wonwoo whispers, his head inching closer to yours slowly. You slowly nod your head, but you see his head stop inches before touching yours. Wonwoo takes a second before saying, "Fuck it." before pushing his lips onto yours. 

Your lips slowly move on his, savoring the taste of him. His intoxicating cologne drags you into a trance, you need more of him as he needs more of you. Wonwoo's arms slide around your waist as he leans down more into the kiss. Your taste was addicting and thankfully he was sober still. He knew for a fact you were sober too, he'll make sure you would have an unforgettable night either way. 

You slowly part from the kiss, grabbing Wonwoo's hand and pulling him into your house. You try and pull him in for another kiss before he cuts you off, "Not so fast sweetheart. You gotta dry off first, don't want you catching a cold." You laugh, "So thoughtful as usual." Wonwoo smiles, walking to your bathroom to grab a towel and he starts to dry your hair. You would never get sick of how any moment can turn wholesome with Wonwoo in an instant. 

Wonwoo finishes drying the both of you off. "Lead the way princess." You take hold of his hand again, dragging him into your room. Wonwoo takes a seat on your bed, pulling you into his lap in the process

"This okay Y/n? Just wanted to feel you for the whole night..fuck you looked so hot the second you opened the door." Wonwoo groans when you grab his arms, putting it on your waist. "Yes this is alright Wonwoo." You smiled, but you were exploding inside. Your heart was beating against your ribcage and you hoped he didn't notice how fast your heart was beating. 

He pulls you into another kiss. It was sweet at first, but Wonwoo starts to drag his tongue over your bottom lip then pushes his tongue into your mouth to explore it as soon as you grant him access. He takes your tongue into his mouth to slowly suck it. You moan at the sensation. Wonwoo pulls away, a string of saliva connecting your lips. You try to catch your breath as Wonwoo takes you into his arms, turning you around so he is caging you to the bed. 

Wonwoo proceeds to sit on your bed, pulling you onto his lap. Wonwoo starts to press wet kisses from your neck, making sure to pay attention to your sweet spot and lightly sucking on it. You softly moan his name, your arms finding its place around his neck. Wonwoo's hands grab your hips, guiding them to sit on his erection. "See how turned on you make me feel? Been wanting this for ages," Wonwoo practically groans by your ear making your breathing start to uneven. The vibrations you felt from his chest went straight down to your core. 

Wonwoo's hands guide down to your shirt, resting there. "May I?" You give him a nod, encouraging him to continue. "Let me know when to stop alright? Tap me twice if you want to stop. Don't be afraid to be vocal either." Wonwoo gives a small smile before lifting your shirt over your head. "Always so pretty for me sweetheart," he looks at you in awe. Looking away, you feel his hand coming to your cheek and pushing it to meet his gaze. He takes the chance to peck your lips before continuing and unclipping your bra. Wonwoo does not waste any time in taking one breast and fondling it. He takes your lips onto his again, muffling your moans. 

When you have the chance to, you manage to choke out, "Please..Wonwoo.." He looks at you with a smirk, knowing how you were far in a bliss to talk properly. "Please what sweetheart? Use your words." You ball up you hands into fists, "Please just fuck me hard. I need you Wonwoo."

All Wonwoo did was let out a low chuckle. You did not know how to react. "Since you asked so nicely I could never say no to you. But I need a taste of you first." It's like a switch was flipped. Wonwoo's hands reached for your pants, taking them off as well as your underwear as if he was tearing it off you. "Be good for me and let your neighbor's know who's making you feel good hm?" You give a quick nod, eyes closing at the feeling of his hot breath fanning on your heat. 

Wonwoo wastes no time in diving into your bundle of nerves, licking and sucking as if it were his last meal. He manages to shove in two of his long slender digits too, it's scissoring motion making your thighs clench around his head. Wonwoo's tongue was quickly bringing you to your release and both of you knew it. But the sudden sound of your door opening made the two of you jump. 

"Oh what a pleasant surprise." Mingyu sauntered into the room, taking a good look at you sprawled out on your bed and Wonwoo's face covered in your juices. "Look who decided to join the party." Wonwoo licks his lips. The wind was knocked out of your lungs as you tried to comprehend that whatever was happening wasn't a dream. Mingyu confirms your thoughts by crashing his lips onto yours. It was an aggressive kiss, Mingyu's neediness was showing through it.

Mingyu abruptly pulls back and that sudden action makes you chase his lips. Mingyu laughs, "Such a needy baby aren't you? That makes the two of us." Mingyu chuckled, "Has Wonwoo been treating you well?" You watch how Wonwoo rolls his eyes and he goes back to focusing on getting you to your release. Mingyu gets the hint and starts to mark you up. You knew you would be littered in their marks. Of course you would, Wonwoo and Mingyu would have to mark what's theirs. The feeling of both their mouths on your body made your back arch off the bed as your hands reached to grab Wonwoo's hair and Mingyu's hand.  And so your release came crashing right after Wonwoo's fingers started to rub your heat and Mingyu started to suck on one of your breasts. 

Your mind was in a haze, mumbling a mix of their names and how good they made you feel. "Oh my god Gyu, you gotta taste her." Wonwoo pants, hands taking the remnants of your release off his face and putting his fingers at Mingyu's mouth which he clearly accepted. Mingyu moans around Wonwoo's fingers, making your core start to get wet once again. 

Mingyu caresses your naked waist, "You're doing so well for us baby," Wonwoo stands up, dusting his knees. "Can you still take us? Unless our slut is already fucked out from a single release?" On a normal day you would shoot back a snarky remark but you knew if you did that right now, you would be put in place. Maybe that wasn't such a bad idea but for now you would keep that idea for another time. You manage to give a small nod to the duo. They quickly undress fully, your eyes admiring their bodies. You take both hands to feel their figures. They both crack a smile, Wonwoo's face trying to turn away to hide his blush as Mingyu's hand reaches to caress your cheek. 

It was always that in moments like these you found comfort in the two. You then take Mingyu's cock into your mouth as Wonwoo wastes no time in pushing himself into your walls. The three of you moan in unison. Your warm mouth and the swirling of your tongue drove Mingyu crazy and how your tight walls clenched around Wonwoo made him close his eyes tight. Your hands helplessly try to grab the bed sheets but with the pleasure that is running through you, nothing worked. 

Wonwoo and Mingyu start to thrust into you in sync. The erratic moans you had sent Mingyu into heaven. It felt perfect. "Taking our cocks so well darling," Mingyu grits. "Making us feel so good sweetheart. You like that? You like Mingyu and I filling your holes and using you like a whore don't you." Wonwoo starts to thrust into you with a rougher pace the second his hands slide onto your waist gripping it hard so he can feel you skin to skin. 

You can feel that their releases were approaching and your second one for the night as well. You focus on running your tongue under Mingyu's cock and sucking it the way he reacted to it the best. As for Wonwoo, you tried to stabilize yourself but nothing was working. Your eyes roll back and it feels as if your body was falling into an abyss. 

Wonwoo takes your legs and hooks them over his shoulders, "Mingyu and I've been thinking about this for the longest time. Wanted to fuck you well so you know who you belonged to. Mmm want you to be ours right Gyu?" Mingyu takes a second to control his breathing, "That's right baby. Want it so bad." The words that got  uttered out of their mouths encouraged you to work harder to get them to their releases. Mingyu could not take it anymore. The combination of how you moan then hollow your cheeks right after made him shoot his seed into your mouth. You make sure he sees you waste nothing when swallowing everything you could.

Wonwoo starts to be slightly more vocal indicating that his release was approaching too. "You drive me so crazy." Wonwoo takes your hands and interlaces them with his. "Wonwoo. Oh my god Wonwoo." You repeat his name on and on, gripping his hands tight. Both of you were sent off the edge, Wonwoo spilling his load right into your abused hole. 

Just like that, Wonwoo is soft again as you lay side by side coming down from your high. Mingyu had already walked off to get a towel to wipe you off. "Are you feeling alright?" Wonwoo asks, one of his hands never leaving yours."Yeah I feel great Wonwoo, thank you." You smile at him, feeling all bubbly in your stomach again. 

"What Mingyu and I said just now, we meant it. Maybe you could give one of us a chance? Ever since you turned up to our house when both of us were ill and not minding the fact that you may fall sick too made us realize our honest feelings for you." You look at Wonwoo, you thought all they said was all the 'In the moment' type of things that you were gaslighting yourself into not believing it. 

"How…" You mutter out. "Well you have Mingyu, never having the balls to come to face his feelings and like for example, dancing with other girls during prom. Or you have me, being well aware of how you make me feel and coming to face them. Like how I danced with you at prom well knowing that it may be the last time I would." 

"I would love to have something like that, with the two of you. Been dreaming of it for a few years." Wonwoo seems shocked at what you said. At that time, Mingyu walks into the room. "Repeat that for us." Wonwoo orders. "Yeah, I would love to figure out something between the three of us if that's possible." You glance between the two, noticing how Mingyu's eyes widen. "We would love that." Wonwoo utters, looking at Mingyu in disbelief. Mingyu snaps out of his daze, "Now let's get you cleaned up shall we?" 

That night you found yourself in between your two lovers, still trying to come to believe what happened in the span of a few hours. But how you woke up, legs tangled with them and getting showered with kisses, hugs and a great breakfast made you not regret a single thing. 

"Maybe you could do what you've been wanting to do with us these couple of years you've been waiting for." Mingyu winks as Wonwoo gives you a knowing smirk oh you were so ready for what was to come. 

an: after changing the plot like 4-5 times i might just wanna stick to writing hcs and reactions TT do lmk if i should continue w this !

reblogs and likes are appreciated, thank you :)

[deceptive-daydreams]

Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 | Ch. 8 | Ch. 9 | Ch. 10 | Ch. 11 | Ch. 12 | Ch. 13 | Ch. 14 |

Smoke Signals

Chapter Fourteen - A Merry Little Christmas

W/C: 7.5K

Eddie x Fem reader - Grumpy!Bartender!Eddie x Shy!Reader

Have yourself a merry little Christmas…

(Cover) Phoebe Bridgers

Warnings: mentions of bad childhood, mentions of parent’s death, issues with mental health, allusion to a suicide attempt, self harm but not, just appears to be, blood, let me know if I missed anything. In all fairness this is a heavy chapter in the beginning. Oh and also, smut 👀

A/N: this took literally forever to write…only because I couldn’t write for like months lmao. But I spent all day basically fleshing most of this all out and there’s a lot of emotion put into it and not too much editing cause I already overthought everything I wrote as I wrote it, dare I say I put my whole fuckin pussy into this chapter. Next chapter will be the final one in the series 😭

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Christmas Eve was supposed to be different this year.  

A senseless daydream.  

It was dad’s last kick to his gut, he knows it.  Eddie finally had a good thing going for him but alas the Munson’s were cursed and he could never escape.  This was some kind of final revenge for not hanging around like a lost puppy though it wasn’t even his choice to leave Hawkins in the first place.  It didn’t matter, life never spared Eddie a precious moment.  

So he sat there, salty tears still somehow leaking out of him despite how tired he was, despite how wrong it felt.  Last week his dad was the most hated man in his life.  And last week he was suddenly dead.  It didn’t make sense, the devastation that consumed Eddie.  All he knew was that sunlight began leaking through the blinds and dotting the floor.  Birds were chirping annoyingly outside and his skin started to feel like cold cuts and despite how uncomfortable it made him, he couldn’t find it in himself to get off his ass and at least put a sweatshirt on.  

He had promised you breakfast, down the road at that little diner called Reggie’s.  Promised to get you the biggest stack of pancakes covered in whipped cream and all kinds of sprinkles along with the best, artery clogging bacon you would ever taste.  Maybe some scrambled eggs and hashbrowns.  

Whatever you wanted. 

He hadn’t seen you in days, not since the recent news broke.  His excuse of harboring the flu was not how he wanted to start daily phone calls with you.  He knew you would then mistake the stuffiness in his voice for phlegm and not his inner sorrows burrowing their way out of him.  He refused your offer to bring him homemade soup and hot tea, rejected the kindness he hadn’t deserved in the first place.  Told you that he just wanted to get healthy quickly and it wouldn’t do either of you any good to both be sick.  He left you in charge of the bar, much to Jett’s disdain, Eddie didn’t need you to confirm that for him he just knew.

Now just standing up seemed impossible.  Shifting his position on the couch to at least relieve the pressure against his tail bone wasn’t plausible.  And for what?  For a man that never gave an inch when Eddie gave him miles upon miles, practically handed over his life on several occasions.  Pathetic, he knew.  But the pain didn’t cease and he couldn’t even find it in himself to turn his head to check the time.

This was it.  

This was how you were going to come face to face with the fact that Eddie was no man.  Not a real one anyway, a facade if anything.  He could just picture it: you would await his knock at the door and it wouldn't come.  A giddy smile would spread across your face as you thought about your plans of going sledding together–he sees it so vividly in his mind.  And then you would be massively disappointed when he couldn’t deliver.  The creases at your eyes when you got overly excited would cease to exist at the mere idea of him.  He had it coming, he just didn’t think it would be so soon.

Eddie told you he was feeling better.  It was a lie.  He never had the flu.  He didn’t feel better.  He wanted to die.  And the man responsible for it wouldn’t even give a shit had he still been alive.  Now he was dead and Eddie was the one suffering.

And so his neglected stomach grumbled, his incoming stubble itched though he couldn’t find a fuck to give even in his discomfort, and the whiskey bottle ran dry far too soon.  His brain had been clogged with wishes and what he could’ve done, then declarations of it never being enough, a constant tug-of-war that migraines were made of.

He never stood a chance, his DNA had always been coded like a mutant, at least that’s how it felt deep in his bones.  There was always something off, he never resonated with life in general how everyone else did.  A flaw in the system.  And he built his entire being off of it, afterall he never had any control over the way he was perceived so what option did he have?  

Several.

He thought to himself.  

You could have gone to school, shown up.  

Could have stayed out of detention.

Gotten arrested less.

Not get arrested at all.

Could have said no.  So.  Many.  Times.

In all honesty he wanted to blame his old man but he couldn’t stop taking the hits for him even in death.  He couldn’t stop making excuses.  Any normal person would feel relief but he felt nothing but remorse.  For what, he couldn’t exactly piece it together.  Maybe it was a hidden desire to fix him, a glimmer of hope that he could make him turn his life around like Eddie had.  It would never happen, he was well aware, but a certain childish hope clung onto him, tugging on his sleeve, begging himself for reasons.

Until familiar curls similar to his own and an aura of the gentlest kind clouded his vision.  He could nearly hear her voice, smooth as butter and warm as the summer sun when he was a freckled kid.  Rosy cheeks and beautiful chocolatey brown button eyes to match his.

What’s the matter darlin’?

And he just sobbed.  And remembered.

Morning pancakes and the blues.  Muddy clothes and bubble baths laced with melodies.  Kitchen table haircuts, the softest voice humming in his ears, half inch curls littering the linoleum.  Dancing in the living room.  Refusing to eat his broccoli until she told him they were tiny trees.  Walking hand in hand to the corner store for milk and eggs, the promise of a sucker waiting for him at the cash register widening his innocent grin.  Late night cereal bowls when sleep wasn’t an option and nothing did the trick except some off brand Lucky Charms and tales of dragons and fantasy lands he wished they could run away to.

Then he remembered.

Him.

Stumbling into the kitchen on those nights more often than not, spewing nonsense.  Breaking the refrigerator door as he tripped while seeking another beer.  That door forever being duct taped and never properly fixed as promised.  Mama coaxing dad to bed before she slipped into Eddie’s tiny twin bed for the night, most nights.  Dad waking up just to shut the music off in the morning so he could sleep in.  Disappearing for days.

Mama unexpectedly passing and Eddie being so devastated that he didn’t eat for days and willingly waited at the door every day for pops to get home.  Only he rarely did.  Wayne checking in each and every day only to be on the receiving end of a temper tantrum each time.  Years and years of push back.  A clueless kid defending Indiana’s worst dad in the name of seeking some kind of normalcy.  

“My dad has a ton of jobs.”  He would beam, bright eyes and missing teeth.  

The kids would snicker.  Their mocking smiles would be mistaken for a token of friendliness.  And Eddie would once again be disappointed come the end of the day.  Because he’d realized it wasn’t normal to crawl under fences where dad couldn’t fit, to steal expensive things from “higher class pricks” as dad deemed them.  Take your kid to work day had a very different definition in his book.

So Eddie steered away from telling everyone about his dad’s work antics, opted to tell them about how he got to go to the bar with his old man every Wednesday, thinking he’d surely get praise for being considered so mature.  At least that’s how dad described it.  It wasn’t any better and the reactions were only worse.  They called his dad a drunk.  They weren’t wrong but that didn’t make him feel any less enraged.  “Spawn of Satan”, they called Eddie.  Because in truth that’s what his dad was, he just couldn’t comprehend it at the time.  Then came the christening of his formal title, a word so small but so…derogatory with the way it was spat at him.

Freak.

Spawn of Satan sounded so much worse on paper but Freak made his insides hurt.  And as he recounts the events of his life up until now, he tallies everything up.  Closure in some kind of fucked up way.  Childish thoughts of “he was still my dad” try to take over but are quickly replaced by images of their burning house, the records going up and flames and ash coating everything he had left, everything she had left.

Suddenly there’s broken glass scattered across the floor and warm blood trickling down his arm, not by any fault of his own, just pure rage and unknown strength annihilating the poor glass he attempted to drink water with.  Heartbeat in his ear, he swallows thickly and resumes his position against the kitchen cabinet–they’re going to send me back to the asylum.

All over again, even in the afterlife, dad plays his sick jokes.  Gets Eddie into trouble he never sought out–he was just getting water, it was just water and now he looks like the picture perfect case for mental instability.  No one’s seen him for days and–there’s knocking at the door.  He swears it’s not like last time- it can’t be like last time, he didn’t mean it.  This isn’t like back in Hawkins, when he was healing and the courts were making their decisions.  He thought he was a goner, decided to pull the plug to save everyone the trouble, Wayne was at work, Steve was getting him groceries, everyone else was dealing with the end of the world.  They shouldn’t have to worry about me.  With a bottle of prescribed pills in hand.

The knocking turning urgent, conclusions are drawn up in a scattered, tormented mind–surely they’d rip up his contract, the agreement in which he had been assured a promising life anywhere but Indiana.  A life he’d always longed for anyway.  

Be careful what you wish for.  

That goddamn voice taunts him.

The door shakes, manhandled from the other side and he’s forced to confront the final moments before he’s permanently put away.  “One slip up…”  They had said.  It didn’t matter if he told them it was an accident, nothing mattered if it was anyone else’s word against him.  Literally anyone.  As long as it appeared that he was a danger to himself, he was a danger to society. They were probably waiting for this moment: lock up the problem child and throw away the key.  

Cause he was nothing if not a problem.  First and foremost.

Heart beating out of his chest, breath caught in his throat, he could practically hear the sirens whether they be from an ambulance or police car or both, they were coming–

“Eddie?”

It all stopped.  

“Eddie?!”  

There was no accurate way to describe the sob that clawed its way out of his throat, a tortured cry.  The scene before you had been pulled straight out of a horror movie: your beloved Eddie covered in blood, palms pressed into his eyes, stuttered breathing in between sobs.

Upon approaching him he attempted to scoot himself away, glass shards sinking into his hands, a gasp filling the room and you were certain you needed to find someone else to–

“Please don’t make me go back!”

You couldn’t form words.

“I-it was an accident, I-I promise.”  His eyes brimmed with a fear you never could have imagined coming close to witnessing in this lifetime.  “Just–I just got some water-I didn’t mean to break it, I s-swear.  Please d-don’t let them take me.”

Glass crunched under your boots, a slow approach as you crouch in front of the shattered man with the saddest eyes you’d ever seen.  With a shaky breath and careful movements, a silent request to assess his arm and hands is made.  You’re sure your wide eyes can’t be comforting in the slightest though the shock still pulses through you.  

“I’m sorry.” 

“Shh.”  You soothe. 

Forehead pressed to his in a moment of solace, you offer a nudge, nose to nose.  A wordless commitment.  Softness he didn’t know he needed, tender touches of your fingertips to his wet cheek as if to promise a remedy for his aching heart, that you weren’t planning on going anywhere.  You weren’t leaving him like he convinced himself you would or god forbid turn him over to the authorities like he feared.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.”

–

Glass has been carefully swept three times over, though you were considering a fourth for good measure.  Shards had been plucked from Eddie’s poor hands, your tweezers doing the job just fine after being doused in some cheap vodka he had.  Gauze from a first aid kit you thankfully had in the car had been wrapped around the largest gash in his forearm, not large enough for stitches but large enough to wince at.  He sat there the whole time, staring at the ceiling, the floor, anywhere but your face.  

The silence was heavy, a dense fog that hung low throughout his house.  Someone had to break it but both parties were finding difficulties in voicing the reality of what just occurred.  If either spoke it would make it real.  Right now it was hazy, a question of “are we dreaming or did I just walk in on a suicide attempt?” hung in the air.

He said it was an accident, and you believed him.  There was just so much unanswered and it’s the only thing that came to mind.  Anxious fingers tapped against his own thigh, occasionally twisting his rings round and round while gnawing on his lower lip.  It then dawned on you that he was the most human out of anyone you’d ever met.  

He felt on a deeper level than most.

At the touch of your gentle hand against his, his surprised eyes, parted lips, and hesitance to reciprocate hint that he hadn’t anticipated you sticking around this long after you’d found him.  In the standard of fight or flight, he froze.  Realistically he may have been sitting on his tattered couch while you tended to his wounds, both physical and emotional whether he cares to admit or not, but mentally he checked out the second he found himself surrounded by glass and tears.

“Bambi–”

“You don’t need to say anything.”

You were trying to keep it together.  His croaking voice made that hard.  But in all seriousness it wasn’t fair to throw yourself a pity party in light of Eddie’s current stability.  And you’d reject the idea of throwing him a pity party, wouldn’t even touch the idea, but you would offer him all the empathy your soul had collected in a lifetime.  Even not knowing the culprit of his now dried up tears and stinging hands, you’d go to war for him.  Maybe that was dare you even think it, love.  But that’s a crisis for another time.

“Dad died.”

Somehow the silence became even greater, a gigantic void of confusing thoughts and complicated quick conclusions.  Conclusions you backtracked on immediately.  It wasn’t your decision to declare how he should feel about a man who in your eyes and through his words put him through hell no matter how strong your sense of justice grew.      

“Oh, Eddie, I’m so–”  A soft beginning to a sympathetic apology short lived.

“It’s fucked.”  His voice cracked, stoic face crumbling no matter how hard he tried to rebuild the tough exterior.  “I shouldn’t–”  There’s a pause, an intake of shaky breath.  “I shouldn’t feel bad.”

“You’re allowed to.”

“No, no he ruined fucking–everything.”

“And you’re still allowed to mourn.  Even for as shitty of a person as he was, you were still his son and that meant something to you.”

You wished you could erase the flash of pain that glazed over his eyes; something that tells you he knew every word you spoke to be true but couldn’t quite bring himself to be at peace with it yet.  Dust collected on the coffee table in his eternity of reflection, a melancholy aura blanketing the dark cabin as wind whistled through the chimney like spirits demanding attention.  

“How’d you know?”  He finally asked, timid.

“Hm?”

“I left everyone hanging, they all think I’m out with the flu, how did you pick the exact moment I…”

“Needed someone?”

Eddie nodded, hesitantly, like those weren’t the exact words he would pick himself but they seemed to convey what was necessary.  

“Wayne called me.”  You sigh.  “Said he got my number from Steve.  Everyone wanted to jump on the first plane over y’know?”  At this a trace of a fraction of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth but he did his best to contain it.  “But it’s Christmas, flights are booked, and even then there’s a storm coming in.  Wayne said he couldn’t get a hold of you.”

“So you knew?”

“No.”  You assure, taking care to relax your features.  “Just sounded really worried, didn’t want to air everything out.  He wanted me to check in.  I guess he has some kind of godly intuition.”  You chuckle.

Eddie retracts his hand, and you know you’ve lost him to his inner battle again.  You can only imagine the bloodshed happening within, after all, you were no stranger to deconstructing your own self worth brick by brick.  The traumas he had been faced with were not anything therapy could simply remove like a tumor.  There were no treatments afterward to ensure everything would get better.  You knew this first hand, that you could try and try to get to the root but there was never any way to truly remove it to keep it from ever festering again.  It would appear, it would be when you least expected, at your worst, and it would look you in the eye and test you.

“I’ll be fine.”

Famous last words.  When the host convinces themselves but could never actually believe it to be true in their lifetime.

“But right now you’re not.”

Sabotage.  In his eyes.

“But I will be.  Don’t let me ruin your holiday just because–”

Excuses.  Deterring from the targeted enemy: grief, in the name of saving others the trouble.  A tactic you’d perfected in your years of people pleasing and feeding your tendencies to deflect your sorrows with the intent to appear invisible and self destruct.

“Stop it.”  You demand.

“No, Bambi.  Go to Donnie’s, I’m sure they’ll understand you coming early–”

“Stop.”

Rational thoughts were shoved into a neat little box somewhere else in his mind and you only hoped you could aid in retrieving it before he threw away the key.  Before he decided not even he was worthy of hearing them from himself.  And as he crossed his arms, a stubborn gesture, you braced for impact against his defenses.  His cruel inner monologue and haunted house of a brain.

Big eyes adorned with every brown hue under the sun dissipated into pure darkness.  Cold and black, lacking any of the warmth you’d previously basked in.  He was lost in an underworld he’d been promised to since birth.

“Would you listen to me?!”  Eddie’s jaw clenched in utter frustration and you swear a bead of sweat trickles into his eyebrow.  “I’m not–I don’t wanna be the guy to drag you down.  I’m not gonna be that guy, I won’t do it.  My shit is my shit.”

You weren’t going to become complicit in the reality he’d settled for, the reality in which he felt he deserved scraps and just enough attention to deter himself from going insane.

“And I’m not gonna be the one to leave you while you’re hurting.”  Finally catching his avoidant eye contact, you offer his forearm a squeeze.  A plea.  “Throw me out in the snow, I don’t care but I’m still gonna sit on your porch until you let me in.  I don’t care what holiday it is.”

“Go.”

You try not to take it personal.  It’s not personal.

“Fine.”

The last thing he hears is a slam of the door, refusing to even glance at where you previously sat adjacent to him.  The room turned colder, more vacant.  Even your energy had left with you, none spared for him of course, because why would he be spared anything from your healthy heart?  His was black and blue, barely pumping, and he’d be damned if he was going to let you perform CPR on what he considered an already lost cause.

Do not resuscitate.

As quickly as he’d accepted the death of a budding relationship, the door swung open with aggression to interrupt his mourning, smacking the wall and no doubt breaking through some drywall.  The least of his problems as he watched your determination in setting some stacked boxes on his kitchen counter before exiting again, this time leaving the door wide open.  

It was eerie, the way your second exit was so open ended.  Snow flurries entered and gusts of wind toyed with his curls, his cheeks already hurting a tad with the coldness.  Eddie wasn’t sure what to make of it, you’d dropped off a box of what appeared to be Christmas decorations and what?  Stormed off?  Somehow that hurt even more than the first time, though he’d anticipated the day you would figure out how fucked up he was and retreat.  He could prepare all he wanted but nothing stung more than the actual—

In you came, a box of ornaments under one arm and a small Christmas tree under the other.  And you got to work, setting up the three foot tree right on his coffee table, plugging it in to the nearest outlet and initiating a soft glow of white lights, instantly engulfing the room in a newfound safeness.  The tree needed fluffed and appeared to have bed head, though it still served its cheerful purpose regardless.

Eddie sat with his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, on the edge of the couch, eyes shut.  An uphill battle.

“Bambi, what did I tell you–”

“You told me to go.”  You nod confidently, a frown betraying you, pulling at the corners of your mouth.   “And I did.  You didn’t say how long or—or where to go.  But I gave you time to cool off and now you’re gonna either sit and pretend Christmas isn’t a thing or you’re gonna watch the stupid little clay people on TV while I cook dinner and bake.  Either one is good with me but I’m gonna be here whether you like it or not and—“

Before you can look up amidst your rambling, a ringed finger hooks itself in one of your belt loops, tugging you into a warm chest.  

There he is.

Warmth restored in his irises and a semblance of a smirk threatened his lips.  Pale skin rosy in all the right places and endearing eyelashes framing his shy gaze down at you.  Your boy.  

Lips grazed lips, noses nudged into each other, and it all just…made sense.  Bambi and Eddie.  There is not one without the other, not anymore.  Not since you sauntered into his life, demanded a job, puked on him, made him go absolutely insane—

“I love you.”  

It just fell from his tongue.  A promise.

“I-are—are you s—“

“Am I serious?  Is that what you’re gonna ask?”  He nearly mocks your mouthful of syllables.

You nod, gulping.  Not because you’re afraid, no, never.  You’d just never seen such assurance in a single man.

“Bambi…” He tuts.  “You don’t see how bad I’ve got it for you?”

All you can manage is to dumbly bat your eyelashes up at him, mouth hung open like a fish and fists clutching the front of his shirt unknowingly, though he doesn’t mind in the slightest if you stretch out his collar.  

“Bad.”  He reiterates.  “So bad, that even if you don’t feel the same, even if you only like me out of pity—“

“I don’t—“

“I’m not finished.”  Your attempted interruption has him thumbing at your bottom lip.  “Even if you only like me out of pity, I’ll take it.  And I’ll run with it.  Far.  Because I’m pathetic—“

“You are not.” 

“I’m a pathetic man.  Who is deeply in love with you, Bambi.”  

“Stop saying you’re pathetic.”  You challenge quietly, a delicate hand tracing the stubble of his jaw.

“Oh, but I am.”  He breathes, leaving no room for argument when he presses his lips against yours as if it were his last chance.  

Did he believe it was his last chance?

And without thinking, tongues collided, teeth clashed, he had backed you into the wall and there was no telling how you found yourself palming him over rough denim, a whine escaping his throat before you’d barely touched him.

A pathetic whine dare you say.

“Sorry, sorry.”  You gasp, string of saliva connecting you like the invisible string you believed tied you to him all along.

“Don’t—ow!  Jesus fuck.”  Eddie winced, shaking his hand in the air after attempting to cup your blushing cheek.  “Forgot I had fucking…glass in my hand earlier.”

You giggle, a saccharine sound, a melody in his ears that he yearned to make more of.  Embarrassment traces your features, brows pulled into a worrisome look while you hold your hands close against your chest, afraid of further touch much to his dismay.  

“Can you…can you do that again?”  He whispers.  Terrified of the consequences but brave enough to face the rejection.

Nodding, your slow hand reaches for his cheek, thumb grazing over it before trailing down his neck.  His breath hitches, your hand traveling lower and lower, over his chest and down his stomach, exploring all that you’ve so desired only in your wildest  wet dreams.  

Lifting the hem of his shirt ever so slightly, just enough to let your fingers graze his soft skin, your main goal is to tug at that delicious happy trail.  And when you do, he can’t admit to you that he nearly cums in his jeans but you’re certain you’re on the same page when you see his eyes roll back into his skull.

 He can’t control himself when he ruts into you the second your palm meets him once again, beautiful, breathy sighs escaping his pouty, plump lips.  

“Like that, baby?”  You ask, trailing hot kisses down his throat.

“Please.”  A whisper that tells you everything.  “I-I never—no one’s ever—“  He tries to warn you.

“What?”  You encourage, tongue tracing his earlobe.  “No one’s ever taken care of you, huh?”  

“Just my hand.”  Eddie jokes, voice strained.

Guiding him to sit back on the couch, it protests beneath the weight of you both as you crawl into his lap.  Careful fingers toy with the curls at the nape of his neck, patient lips hovering over his.  Doe eyes look up at you, half in admiration, half in hesitation.  

“We can stop.”  You assure him, sweet kisses pressed to each corner of his lips.

“No, no.”  His voice shakes, chest heaving.  “I just—I don’t know exactly…what I’m doing.”  

There’s an undertone of humiliation, the opposite effect you wanted to have on him.  But you were confident that you could make him feel comfortable.  Feel sexy and wanted.

“Let me do the work.”  You whisper against his lips, slowly rolling your hips into him.  “Let me take care of you.”  

He nods, frantically moving to undo his zipper, only to be met with your delicate hands wrapping around his knuckles.  You’re so patient with him, so gentle, so unlike what he’s ever been faced with.

“I said, let me take care of you.”

Feather light kisses pressed to his knuckles, you continue rotating your hips against his, feeling his bulge in between your legs, the friction tightening the knot within you.  His eyebrows knit together, head falling back against the couch’s when you graze your fingertips just below his shirt again.  

Nails gently drag down his torso, eliciting the loudest moan you’ve pulled from him so far.  His injured hands only allow him to take their place in your belt loops again, assisting in setting the pace as you grind against him.

“Eddie.”  You whimper.

“M��� gonna cum.”  He halts your movements, only letting you hover above what was about to be sweet euphoria.  “Wanna be inside of you.”

You can only gaze at him with the utmost love, entranced by his flushed appearance and his damp curls framing his face.  

“Please, baby.  Please, I’ve got condoms—“

You have to stop his babbling by shoving your tongue in his mouth, nodding against him with a grin.  

“You bought condoms?  Boy, are you prepared—“

A playful pillow is tossed into your face, a deep groan coming from your boy.  

“Yes, I’m cautious, baby, please if you don’t sit on my dick right now, if I have to go one more minute not knowing what it’s like…”

“Shhh, okay, okay!!”  You squeal when he attempts to get up only to fail with you pushing back.  You knew damn well he was strong enough to fling you off of his lap should he choose, which only made your underwear more of a mess.

“You wanna go to the bedroom?”  You tease, nuzzling into his cheek.  

Without a second of hesitation, he launches you both off of the couch, palms against your ass only making you wonder how much his hands must hurt and how much adrenaline he must have not to care.  Playfully, Eddie tosses you onto his bed, a pile of unkempt sheets that only seemed that much more comfortable than your own bed.  You could die happily in the smell that engulfed you.  Purely Eddie.  Woodsy and minty.  A tad smoky.  And some hints of apple.

Just when you think he’s about to jump your bones, in every literal sense, you open your eyes to find him carefully adjusting the needle of his record player in the corner of the room.  And then it plays.  A rendition of Can’t Help Falling in Love.  A folkier version, a woman singing with a twang to her voice.  

“Well alright, cowboy.”  You joke, an over seductive brow raising at him.  

“Shut up.”  He grins, crossing his arms to take his shirt off and toss it behind him.  

“C’mere.”  You reach over, tugging at his belt until he hovers over you.  “Wanna see you.” 

“You are seeing me, been here the whole time.”

Quickly, he gathers what you mean as you reverse positions, pushing him back on the bed to trail your lips along his stomach.  Perfectly pretty lips follow along the scars he’d been left with years ago.  The rough texture doesn’t deter you, doesn’t scare you off like he imagined.  While your lips explore his scarred side, your hand delicately traces the dragon tattooed along his ribs on the opposite side.  Inked skin that arose with goosebumps after each touch.

As if he hadn’t already died and gone to heaven, you stop your torment on his body to discard your own shirt, leaving you in only your bra before him.  Careful to grab his hand, you drag his fingers down your chest, in between the valley of your breasts, down, down, down until you let him dip into your pants.  Beneath your damp panties, collecting slick before he catches on your clit, a moan falling so desperately from your lips.  

“F-feel what you do to me?”

It aches.

His finger sits pressed against your throbbing clit, teasing in a way he has no idea about yet.  But he will and you’re not quite ready to relinquish that power to him…yet.  

You can’t handle the confines of clothing any longer, releasing your breasts as you unhook your bra and toss it to the side.  His eyes grow, lips parted in awe.  And when you go to shimmy your jeans off, the friction against his hand pulls a mewl from you, something so pretty and real.  

You’re completely bare, prey for him to claim although he doesn’t, he lets you have control.  And then you remove his hand, only to drag yourself over his denim covered thigh, slick coating the material without much effort.  

Catching his eyes, you watch as he brings his finger up to his lips, tongue wrapping around the digit with a moan of approval.  That’s when you decided you couldn’t drag it on any longer.

His belt buckle clinked against itself as you worked to yank his jeans down, practically drooling for his cock, drunk on the mere idea of even seeing it.  Plaid boxers ignored, you pay attention to the way it slaps against his stomach, already leaking and red.  Painfully aroused.

He barely survives when you decide to lower yourself and lick a long stripe up the underside, twitching against your tongue.

“B-baby, please.”  While grinding into nothing, poor boy.  “Wanna cum, wanna cum so bad.”

He’s been taunted enough, breaking a sweat as he lays there, fisting the sheets in his hands.  You’ve nearly brought him to tears and you’ve barely touched him.

Leaving open mouthed kisses along his reddening chest, you finally offer some relief, ripping open a condom he’d somehow grasped in his hand the entire time, rolling it onto him, and sinking down, swallowing him into your warmth.  Eddie makes the prettiest sounds, small almost hiccups and gasps.  Slowly, you work your hips against him, clit rolling just right against his pubic hair. 

He’s big, stretches you out and hits just the right spot.  Hips stuttering, he places his hands on your waist, cut hands be damned.  Eddie’s close, has been this entire time, but he can’t contain himself the second you lick up a bead of sweat from his chest to his collarbone.  The site is simply too pornoraphic for his inexperienced dick, hot cum filling the condom.  The moan he lets out as he finishes only encourages you, gets you going faster in the limited time you now have before he softens.  

Automatically you reach down to play with your clit, knowing it’ll push you over the edge though he realizes and beats you to it, a rough finger circling you in a pleasant rhythm.  Overstimulated whines fall from him but he doesn’t quit giving you what you need, what you so desperately desire.  

Then all at once, pleasure crashes down around you, pulsing around him, leaving you twitching and panting.  The record stopped playing however long ago, the silence pulling you back into the realm of Eddie’s bedroom.

 Nothing needs to be said, words aren’t on your minds.  Excuses for what just occurred are nonexistent because if you’re being honest, it was sewn into the timeline no matter what.  Forever embedded into the universe in every lifetime.  Heavy breaths carried a symphony during the cool down, sweaty chests pressed together, sticky and salty.

Absentmindedly your foot grazed against his hairy shin, fingers dancing along his chest and arm.  His bicep was toned, something you were never able to appreciate up close before but would now take all the time you wanted.  You wanted to memorize every detail of his body, every freckle, hair, and birthmark.  All of him.

His lazy hand let his fingers trail up and down your spine, writing letters unknown to you but etched into his brain for as long as he knew you.  He held a new appreciation for intimacy, something he sourly wrote off early on but now would cherish deeply.  

Girls never liked him but if he could go back in time and show younger Eddie the one girl who would ever matter to him, well he imagines younger Eddie would still be a naive dipshit about it but he could try nonetheless.  Supposes he would hit him with a “it gets better, kid” and all that sappy shit.  Something like “you’re gonna marry this girl”.  That would be okay to jump the gun on, right?

–

Cinnamon and chocolatey aromas couldn’t completely wash away the somber haze although it was fairly close.  Post sex air somewhat helped as well, though you weren’t banking on it, it wasn’t a solution, more like a deterrent that hadn’t been planned on either part.  

The little plastic tree on the coffee table decorated with years old ornaments wasn’t going to heal the bruising on an ever healing heart.  Christmas classics played on the TV but you knew Rudolph wasn’t going to erase a lifetime's worth of childhood trauma.  

It could help though.  And that’s all that mattered.  If watching Christmas classics only aided in healing a millionth of the wounds, then it was worth doing.  If decorating his once dark and depressing house with twinkling lights and garland only brought out a smidge of the inner child that needed help healing, then it was worth it.  

While Eddie slept in, you played Santa even if just with one gift, leaving it next to the coffee table, too large to fit under the small tree.  Though it didn’t start out perfect, Christmas was starting to look very familiar.  Baked goods sat out on top of the stove, cinnamon rolls, croissants, the works.  Eddie’s shitty little kitchen radio played Christmas tunes which you found yourself humming along to.  

You’d thrown together some maple bacon, drizzling actual maple syrup on the strips in hopes that they’d candy in the oven, which they did.  Hash browns sat in the skillet, slightly burned but at least there was ketchup in the fridge to cover up the burnt taste.  Snow blanketed the streets outside, snowing you in although you didn’t mind one bit.  

You’d called Donnie, heard the commotion over the line at her house, family members causing a ruckus in the background as she made pancakes.  While you were supposed to be with everyone this morning, she assured you all was well and you could hear the smirk in her voice.

Emerging from his room, Eddie’s bed head is the first thing you greet.  Curls sticking out every which way, bangs defying gravity.  Lines ran down his face, imprints from the sheets and his boxers hung low on his hips.  A dream.

“Merry Christmas to you too.”  You giggle at the way he squints in the early morning sunlight peeking through the window.  

Stretching his arms over his head, you’re forced to witness the way every muscle flexes, drool nearly falling from the corner of your mouth.  It doesn’t go unnoticed but he decides it can be addressed later.  

“Merry Christmas, did you get me some fucking curtains so I can actually see?”  He laughs, voice husky with sleep.  

“No but I can do you one better—“

“I was joking Bambi, I wasn’t actually expecting any—“

“Next to the table.”  

Your grin makes him want to run directly to you and spin you around, kiss you a few dozen times, and never leave this bubble you two have created.  Instead he hesitantly steps toward the previously mentioned gift, a large gift at that, wrapped thoughtfully in reindeer paper and complete with a large red bow.  He felt like an asshole.

“I—no I can’t—“

“Open it.”  

Eddie just stared. 

“Eddie, it’s Christmas, first thing you do is open gifts!”  You smile, approaching behind him.

Then he disappeared back into his room, the sound of him rummaging the only thing letting you know he hasn’t retreated just to hide from you.  When he walks back out, he’s hiding something behind his back, a nervous smile tugging at his face.  

“I swear—I was going to wrap it, I just—I don’t have an excuse.  I just didn’t.  I’m sorry.”  His large brown eyes plead with you, begging for forgiveness that he didn’t need to beg for in the first place.

As if defeated, he hands you a stack of records, several that probably cost a good paycheck.  And you can tell he feels it’s not even enough with the way he avoids your gaze.

“Um, it’s probably stupid, it’s just, they’re records that made me think of you.  I dunno, it’s dumb, music is just—“

“I love you.”  You interrupt.

Without another word you grab the records from him to momentarily set them on the table.  Before he knows it you're smashing your lips against his, passion being poured into every breath he takes against you.  Your hands cup his cheeks, still slightly stubbly but cute.  He wraps his large hands around your wrists, hissing at the slight sting but continuing. 

“You’re not just saying that—“

“I.  Love.  You.”  You enunciate each word with a peck.  “Point blank.  No exceptions.  You’re stuck with me old man.”

“Old man?  We’re like the same age—“

You’ll never forget the amusement on his face but what attracts your attention next are the records.  A huge stack of them.  All genres.  Some Elvis, ones that hadn’t made it in your collection yet, a few that seemed more his taste, metal.  It was a universal language and it was his preferred way of feeling.  That much you could gather.

“Um, yeah, if you don’t like them I can just…”

“Don’t like them?”  You scoff.  “I love them.”

You hold them close to your chest, as if they were books and you were in high school.  You suppose you could be what with the way butterflies erupted in your stomach.  He made you feel like you were in high school, gave you a sense of youth that had been skipped over previously.  

And he was blushing. 

“Well, uh, I just thought you know…music does a lot for me.  I picked some out that I knew you’d like.  Also put some that I like in there, I dunno why, you don’t have to listen to them.”

“Oh, we are listening to them.  Right after you open your gift.”

More blushing.

Eddie takes a few glances at the gift, as if it were there to test him.  Like Pandora’s box or something.  Then he crouches down beside it, hesitantly reaching out to peel back the paper.  A giddy grin rests on your face, records still clutched in your hold.  His face says it all once he’s torn through enough paper.  It’s a guitar case, that much he can tell, eyes nearly popping out of his head.  Then he opens the case, revealing a cherry red electric something that you couldn’t memorize the name of but all you knew was that he had his eyes on it for months before you even entered the picture.  At least that’s what the guy at the thrift shop said. 

“No fucking way.”  He smiles, half laughs.  Then repeats himself.  Over and over.

“Do you like it?”

Instead of receiving verbal confirmation, you’re nearly tackled, strong arms wrapping around you and swinging you around.  Laughter erupts from deep within you, Eddie setting you down just to kiss you deeply and with so much care you figure you’ll faint.  

“I love it, I love you.”

Later that morning, frosting coats his lips then transfers to yours in a quick kiss across his tiny dining table.  The bacon is devoured, mostly on his account, and those claymation Christmas classics elicit laughter like no other.  Deep belly laughs from the man whose legs you sit in between.  His shirt rests comfortably on your torso.

He calls Wayne, puts it on speaker, and effortless banter occurs between you three.  Wayne tells his boy to behave, wishes him a Merry Christmas, apologizes that times have been so shitty and that his flight had been canceled.  Thanks you for being there to ground his boy, tells you how much Eddie’s friends have gone on and on about you two, that he can’t wait to meet you.

Then you call up your family back home, more than likely all crammed in the same house, doing puzzles, arguing over stupid things, throwing wrapping paper everywhere.  You miss it.  But you wouldn’t trade your place right now for anything.  Eddie timidly and adorably chimes in, says hi.  Makes small talk with mom and grandma.  Grandma begs him to take a look at her station wagon when he makes his way over with you for a visit some day.  No question about it, he’s going and that’s final, according to her.  He doesn’t seem to mind though, a shy smile pulling at his lips.

Lastly you call up the gang.  Nancy answers, says everyone’s at their house as usual.  Shouting between Dustin, Steve, and Mike is heard in the background.  Something about a broken sled.  Robin takes the call hostage, telling you both about the juicy gossip amongst the group.

“And then Max—you haven’t met Max yet, Bambi, but Max left Lucas a—shit you haven’t met Lucas yet either.  This would all make so much more sense then.”

There’s talk of a summer trip, something fun everyone can join in on.  Kind of like summer camp except Nancy would of course be the ring leader by default.  She would more than likely assign the adults as camp counselors unofficially.  Eddie’s face lights up, tells her about the perfect campsite not far from his house.  Beautiful in the summertime.  Then looks at you, shares a dimpled grin and runs his thumb over your knee.

Loved ones called and bellies full, Eddie plays around with his new guitar, and softly in the background, Muddy Waters plays.  One of the records he’d gifted you.

~end~

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tags - @gravedigginbbydoll @ohauggieo @spicysix @lunatictardis @ali-r3n @batkin028 @mrsjellymunson @witchwolflea @emma77645 @emxxblog @eddiesxangel @angietherose @lottie-90 @sheneedsrocknroll92 @pullingattheroots @avalon-wolf @vintagehellfire @cryingglightningg @foreveranexpatsposts @winchester-angel @mmunson86 @witchwolflea @kurdtbean @micheledawn1975 @tlclick73 @erinekc @hazydespair @whenshelanded @corrodedcoffincumslut @ms1oftheboys @lma1986 @uglypastels @aysheashea @dashingdeb16

[bingwriterxo]

childhood friends

pairing: vada cavell x reader

summary: in which you and vada grow up together, and here are some snippets

warnings: parents fighting, persistent man

word count: 2700+

You were seven when Vada pushed her way into your life unexpectedly. 

Your mother had taken you to the local playground, sick and tired of having you bouncing off the walls inside the house, and you immediately ran toward the swing set, intent on getting higher than you ever had before. You were settling into one of the seats, fingers gripping the metal chains, when you felt hands on your back and you were suddenly flying forward from the small shove, landing on the wood chips below that cut into your knees. 

"Hey!" you cried, twisted around where you had fallen and staring up at the girl who had pushed you. She was short and didn't look like she should've been strong enough to have shoved you, but she was sticking her tongue out at you, so you knew it was her. "What was that for?"

"Just 'cause," she said before slipping into the swing that you had been sitting on. She started pumping her legs a bit, but she wasn't getting much air.

You scrambled to stand, afraid of getting hit by one of her feet and angry at the fact that she had stolen your rightful place, and brushed yourself off. To combat both of these feelings, you walked up to her, placed your hands on your shoulders, and pushed her backwards, smiling when she thudded on the ground and let out an, "Oof!"

"What was that all about?" she asked you from the ground.

"You did it to me first!" you argued, pointing at her with narrowed eyes. 

She huffed and stood, not bothering to wipe away the stray wood chips on her t-shirt. From that close, you could see the array of freckles that decorated her face, and, for a fleeting moment, thought that they looked just like stars in the night sky. But then your anger came rushing back to you and you shook away your thoughts, staring at her with furrowed eyebrows.

"It's not nice to push people off swings," you said. "Mama told me that."

"But you just did!" 

"Mama also told me that fair's fair," you huffed.

She crossed her arms over her chest and regarded you for a moment with a frown. Then, her gaze softened and she sighed. "Fine. Whatever."

You weren't really sure what to do then as you stood in front of the girl, who stared back at you. It seemed like she didn't know what to do either. You thought for a moment and then let out a resigned sigh.

"Why don't we take turns," you suggested, "since all of the other swings are taken."

She glanced around quickly and then nodded. "Okay, but I want to go first."

You rolled your eyes as best as you could. "Fine."

She grinned and climbed onto the swing, twisting around to look at you. "Could you push me? I can never get very high," she said. 

You grumbled but did it anyway. She still didn't get very high, but she was giggling and laughing, so you figured you were doing a pretty good job. When it was your turn, she very un-elegantly clambered off the swing and stood to the side, watching as you pumped your legs until you had a steady rhythm.

"How do you do that so well?" she asked.

"I dunno, just do," you said.

She huffed, and then when you decided you had had enough, you dragged your shoe into the wood chips, slowing yourself down. You stayed sitting and looked to the girl. 

"What's your name, anyway?" you asked. "So I can tell my mom who made my knees all icky." You pointed down to the scrapes you had, and the girl's eyes followed.

"Oh," she said. "Sorry."

"'S okay," you said. "You didn't answer my question."

She blinked back at you, and then said, "My name's Vada."

"That's a funny name," came your immediate response, and suddenly her hands were on your shoulders and you were laying on your back in the wood chips, staring up at the sky. Your view was blocked as the girl's head hovered above you, her hair hanging down like a dark curtain. 

"That wasn't nice," she told you.

"Okay," you said, sitting up. "Sorry."

"'S okay," she mimicked, and you could tell she had never said that phrase in that way before because she stuttered over the words. "What's your name?"

"Y/N."

She nodded. "Okay. Wanna play tag?"

You nodded right back. "Sure."

* * *

You were eleven when you showed up at Vada's house in the middle of the night.

Your parents had been fighting in the kitchen, their voices carrying throughout the small house and into your bedroom, where you had been laying in your bed with the covers pulled over your head to block out the sound. When that didn't work, and their argument only seemed to get louder, you slipped out from beneath your blanket and shuffled to your closet, pulling a sweatshirt off its hanger and sliding into a pair of sneakers. You had propped open your window, snuck out of it, and ran the full way to Vada's house, which luckily was only a couple streets away. 

When you arrived, you knocked softly on Vada's bedroom window, hoping that she was awake. In just a few seconds, her curtains were being pulled aside and her face appeared, darkness shrouding her, but she was visible from the street lamp that shed light into her bedroom. She popped the window open.

"What're you doing here?" she asked quietly. 

You glanced down at your feet, which were digging into the dirt, and said, "My parents are fighting."

She sighed. "Again?" You nodded, and she said, "Okay, get in here." 

You were quick as you climbed through her window, careful not to mess up her display of Lego sets as you did. When you were fully inside, you kicked your shoes off and looked up at the brunette, who was watching you with sad eyes. 

"Are you okay?" she asked, and even though there was that strange ache in your chest that only ever appeared when your parents fought, you nodded. "Okay. What now?"

"I dunno," you said with a shrug. "You got your mom's old laptop for your birthday, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Why?"

"We should watch a movie or something."

"Oh, good idea!" Vada took you by the hand and led you to her bed, letting you get in it first before she followed. She grabbed the laptop from her nightstand and set it on her lap, turning it on. 

You watched the loading screen for a moment before sinking further into the mattress and leaning your head on Vada's shoulder, stomach stirring a little at the warmth that she gave off. You felt her tense beneath you for just a second before she relaxed, but you didn't mention it. Instead, you asked, "What movie are we going to watch?"

"I'm not sure yet. There's a few I've been wanting to see. Like..." The girl rambled on and on about the movies she hadn't seen yet, even when the computer was fully booted up and ready to go, and you simply listened, slowly being lulled to sleep by her voice. You barely registered the fact that she had stopped until she asked, "Are you sure you're okay?"

You hummed sleepily. "Yeah, Vads." You both ignored the nickname that slipped out. 

"You don't have to be okay, you know that, right?" You could feel her shift beneath you as she got more comfortable. "And you can always talk to me, okay?"

"Okay, Vada," you said. "Thank you."

* * * 

You were fourteen when you realized you had feelings for Vada.

You woke up one morning to the sight of Vada in your bed, who was still asleep with her mouth slightly open and hair splayed out against your pillow, and that familiar stirring started in your stomach that you quickly recognized as butterflies, and your cheeks heated up and you thought, Oh fuck. 

You tried to scramble out of your bed as fast as you possibly could, but your foot got caught in your sheet and you ended up falling to the ground with a heavy thud, waking the brunette in your bed. She sat up, confused both from the noise and the fact that you weren't anywhere in sight, until she noticed the sheet pulled taut in the corner of the bed.

"Are you--Did you fall out of your bed?" she asked as she peeked her head to look at you. She laughed at the sight of you on the floor, holding onto your elbow which had hit the wood harder than the rest of you. 

"Kind of..." you said, staring up at her with teary eyes. She just laughed harder, and you blushed but found yourself giggling along with her.

"How the fuck did you fall out of your bed?" she asked when she had calmed down enough to form real words. 

You stood on wobbly legs and trained your gaze on literally anything other than the brunette. "I don't know. I just...did?" 

She rolled her eyes softly and smiled. The butterflies fluttered harder in your stomach. "You're, like, the clumsiest person I know."

You scoffed. "Says you!"

Vada pulled herself up onto her knees and waddled toward you. "Let's not be rude, now."

"Vads, you literally tripped over your own foot yesterday and face planted into the asphalt," you said, which the brunette didn't need to be reminded of because she still had the bruised nose to prove it. 

"Shut up!" she whined, throwing herself at you. She wrapped her arms around your neck and flopped backward, pulling you down onto the mattress with her. You threw your hands out so that you wouldn't land fully on top of her, and then gulped at the compromising position you found yourself in. 

You, hovering above Vada, who was grinning widely beneath you. You held your breath as you watched her eyes flicker between your own eyes and your lips, and when she started to lean up, you pushed away.

"My mom's making waffles," you said quickly. "In the kitchen. I can smell them."

You watched as she pouted a bit before sitting up, raising her arms above her head to stretch. You swallowed hard at the slight skin that showed on her stomach before it was covered by her t-shirt again. She scratched at the top of her head as she said, "Okay. Let's go then."

You followed behind her slowly, eyes trained on your feet, and tried not to think about the fact that Vada was leaning in to kiss you just a minute prior. 

* * *

You were sixteen when Vada kissed you for the first time. 

Mia Reed was throwing a party, and people were swarming her house as soon as the door was officially declared open. You and Vada were no exception as the brunette begged you to go, saying that you owed her. For what, you weren't exactly sure, but you said yes as soon as Vada gave you the puppy-dog eyes. 

The two of you were standing in the kitchen, plastic solo cups in hand filled with whatever-the-hell liquor Mia had sitting on the counter, and simply talking--or shouting, because of the music that was booming throughout the house. 

"I'm gonna zip to the bathroom really fast," Vada told you at some point, and you nodded, telling her you'd be fine on your own for two minutes. She narrowed her eyes at you like she didn't believe you, but you giggled and shoved her shoulder.

Almost as soon as you were alone, a new body slotted into the place that was once Vada's. You glanced up, grimacing a bit as you realized it was Jack, one of the players on the football team. He was offering you a sly grin that you were sure was charming to other girls.

"Hey, Y/N," he greeted, and you could smell the beer on his breath. You crinkled your nose but still responded, because who were you if not polite.

"Hi, Jack," you said, giving him your own tiny smile. He lit up at the sight of it, taking it as a sign to get even closer to you. 

"You know, I've always though you were gorgeous," he claimed. It made you want to throw up.

"Oh." You chuckled awkwardly. "Thanks, I guess."

He nodded. "Sure." He took a sip from the can in his hand and then looked back down at you. "A few of my buddies and I are gonna go back to my place after this. You should come," he offered. You didn't miss the way his eyes ran down your body, lingering a little too long on your chest. 

You shook your head. "Sorry, but I have other plans." You didn't, not really, although you were almost sure Vada would end up dragging you to her house to watch movies, and there was no way in hell you were missing out on that, especially for some jock you weren't even remotely attracted to. 

"Oh, come on. It'll be fun." He pushed into you a bit more, and you tried to back up, but you were cornered. "And, maybe you and I could...spend a little time alone or something."

"I'm okay." You flashed him your best smile and then tried to scoot past him, but he grabbed your wrist and pulled you into him.

He smiled, sort of, but it looked like more of a snarl to you. "I'll try this again. You and me, after this party."

"Jack, I said--"

"I'm pretty sure she said no, dude," a familiar voice said from behind Jack. You glanced past him to see Vada standing there, her eyebrows furrowed and a frown pulling at her lips. Your heartbeat quickened at the sight.

Jack twisted to stare at the brunette. "Whatever, Cavell. Get out of here." He turned back to you. "Now, as I was saying--"

He was interrupted by Vada, again. "Leave her alone, Cofferey," she scoffed. 

"Bro, back the fuck off--" Jack began as he turned around fully to snap at her, but he was cut off by her fist against his cheek. 

"Oh, fuck!" Vada cried, shaking her hand out. "That hurt a lot more than it looks like it does in movies!" 

You quickly moved past Jack  and wrapped your hand around Vada's waist, dragging her away from the kitchen before the boy could recover and beat her up. You pulled her into a random bedroom and slammed the door shut behind you, locking it just in case he decided to follow, though by the lack of pounding against the wood, you guessed that he was far too drunk to bother. 

"Are you okay?" you both asked at the same time. Vada chuckled a bit before saying, "I'm fine, although I think I bruised my hand." She glanced at her knuckles and opened her hand a bit. "Eh, whatever." She looked up at you. "Are you okay?"

You sighed. "Yeah. I'm fine."

She tilted her head. "Y/N..."

"Don't worry, Vads. Really, I'm fine." You walked toward her and took her injured hand in your own, inspecting it. "Yeah, you're definitely gonna bruise," you laughed.

"Well, I'll have a cool story to tell my mom, then," she joked.

You looked at her and smiled. "Thanks, for doing that. You didn't have to."

She shrugged. "He was bothering you. What was I supposed to do? Just watch it happen? No, that's dumb."

"Yeah, but still. Your hand's gonna hurt for a while."

"It was worth it."

"Was it?" You chuckled. "I don't know about th--"

Before you could even finish your thought, Vada's lips were pressed against your own. You were taken by surprise, not kissing back for a moment, and the brunette pulled away quickly, panic in her eyes.

"I'm sorry!" she squeaked. "I should've asked. That was stupid. And you probably don't even want to kiss me 'cause, you know, we're best friends. And, oh god, that was so dumb! I'm sorry. I wasn't even thinking! You just look so pretty all worried and I just--"

This time it was your turn to shut her up. You cut off her rambling by pulling her in by the waist and kissing her softly, giving her a moment to catch up with what was happening. She immediately relaxed against you, lips moving against your own eagerly. 

You pulled away with a laugh when she tried to deepen it, and her eyes fluttered open softly. "At least I know how to shut you up now," you giggled.

She gasped. "That is so rude!"

You rolled your eyes, pulling her close again. "Oh, shush, Vads." 

[irisintheafterglow]

Need (college au!sakusa x you)

summary: passion is a passing thing, accidental chemistry. it's not what you two are at all. (or, you get wasted at a party and the only thing in your mind is him)

wc: 2.28k

cw/tags: childhood best friends to strangers to lovers, angst/fluff with a happy ending, mentions of drinking and parties including being drunk and vomiting, pet name (gorgeous), a tasteful amount of self-loathing (if you can call it that, it's just angst), swearing/explicit language, mutual pining

note: taylor swift lyric title cuz yk it's a signature at this point. also i was throwing around this idea with either suguru or bakugo but i could not get omi out of my mind for the life of me. hope you enjoy!

likes, reblogs, and feedback are always appreciated!

“Hello?”

“Remedy.” The silence from the other end of the phone is so suffocating, you think he hung up. The thought sends another wave of emotion rolling through your body and you’re shaking, again, in the corner wedged between the toilet and the bathtub. 

“What?” His voice is strained but just as smooth and low as you remember. Your empty chest aches even more. 

“Remedy,” you plead, head spinning from the fluorescent lights of the bathroom. “Remedy, remedy, remedy, remedy, remedy.” It’s the only thing you can repeat at this point, too overwhelmed to think of anything else. Everything was distorted and hazy, like your eyes were looking into two differently-patterned kaleidoscopes. His voice is the only thing keeping you grounded, at this point. 

“Where?”

“Party on 18th and 40th, in the bathroom. Can’t miss it,” you relay, incredibly ashamed at how easily your words slur together. He hangs up abruptly and your phone clatters into the mystery-stained bathtub. Disgraceful. The whole situation was embarrassing beyond belief–calling your childhood best friend turned stranger to tell him that you got wasted and the only thing you could think about was him. Part of you hoped he wouldn’t show up, hoped that he would confirm the theory in your mind that he hated you now. Minutes felt like ages while you continued to occasionally dry heave into the toilet and grimace through the blinding pounding in your forehead. He’s not coming, you realize as you try to stand on gelatinous legs. And why would he? He doesn’t know you anymore and you don’t know him. He’d never be found in a place like this, anyway. 

Or, so you thought. 

The bathroom door is shut with a forceful kick below the handle. “Easy, easy,” he cautions, grabbing your forearms to support you. Every nerve in your body can feel where his palms meet your skin and it’s intoxicating, more than anything already in your system; any fearful paranoia riddling your body dissipates when you register his presence. The sound of his voice murmuring your name floats into your ears like a drug and your knees give out at the sudden feeling of safety. He delicately sits you on the marble of the sink, careful to make sure you don’t lose your balance as he scans your face and body. Standing between your legs like this, he was in closer proximity to you than he had been in years. You’d forgotten how handsome he was in person, drastically different from the faded image you tried to retain in your mind. 

“Hi, Omi,” you drawl dopily, tilting your head to the side and smiling. He can’t help huffing out an incredulous laugh at your mood switch. 

“Hey, gorgeous. Are you hurt?” You slowly shake your head from side to side and he nods, eyebrows still drawn in concern. Even in your intoxicated state, you can tell how flustered he is because he seems to have no idea where to put his hands. They take turns disappearing as he crosses his arms, muscle flexing under his jacket, and then uncrosses them. He settles for putting them on either side of yours, gripping the edge of the counter. “Wanna tell me why you’re shitfaced in a frat house?” You hum in thought, rotating your neck carefreely and your face starts to burn as his fingers gently pull your chin back to face him. 

“Went with the roomies.”

“The same ones from first year?” You nod, your vision slightly starry. “They’re not good for you, idiot.”

“Oh, you think I don’t know that?” The corner of his lip turns down into a frown at your sudden attitude. “Where the fuck else am I gonna live?” His body abruptly pulls away like he was offended. He starts to make his way back to the door and another wave of dread sinks into your gut.

“Look, if you’re gonna make me come all the way over here just to–”

“He looked like you.” It makes his voice halt in his throat, your words. His hand is frozen as it hovers above the handle and he looks at you over his shoulder. Your face falls a little further, voice unsteady. “He didn’t act like you, though.” He stiffens like he wants to say something, but his jaw stays clenched while he takes you back into his arms and drapes his jacket over your exposed shoulders before guiding you out of the house. The warmth from his jacket and the lingering smell of his cologne continue to help ground you back into the present. While you’re navigating the raging crowd to the exit, he’s careful to stay as close to you as possible without hindering your movement, glaring daggers into any guy that approaches. It felt like a fever dream, having Omi at a party with you when he’d sworn off these kinds of scenes for as long as you’d known him. 

“I’m not that interested in slowly annihilating my liver. Probably isn’t good for Olympic prospects,” is what he said when you asked him if he was going to party in college. The sun was dipping below the neighborhood’s houses while you sat together on the roof of Omi’s, a tradition you picked up starting in middle school. It made your heart hurt a little bit, whenever he talked about going pro in volleyball. You noticed the change over the course of high school, how he canceled plans for a last-minute training camp or stayed so long after practice that you would just walk yourself home. You knew it made him happy and fulfilled the hunger of his competitive side, but it was still saddening to watch your best friend slip away little by little. “Why? Are you going to ragers every weekend?” You scoff and roll your eyes, taking another sip from your soda to avoid answering the question. Still, he’s watching you; you can tell from the corner of your vision and you shrug. 

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll try one just to get grossed out by it and then never do it again.” He gives you a rare chuckle, breathy and low. His smiles and his laughs, however stingy he was with them, were just as beautiful as the rest of him. It made your chest ache even more. 

“Well, in the event that you’re so wasted you can’t see straight, call me.” Your first instinct is to laugh but you fight down the urge when you see the thoughtful expression on his face. “I’ll come get you and make sure you’re not with some douchebag.”

“Mmm, my hero,” you tease and he gives you a lightheartedly annoyed look. “What if you’re, I don’t know, in practice or something?”

“We can have a code word.”

“A code word?”

“Yeah, so that I know if it’s really important.”

“You wouldn’t get me if you didn’t think it was important?” It’s supposed to be a joke, but something shifts in your expression that makes you feel guilty for asking something so unlike him. 

“I’ll get you every time, no questions asked.” 

True to his word, he didn’t end up asking a lot of questions. When you were through the front door, his hand covered the top edge as you ducked into the passenger seat of his car. You still felt like you were in a daze while he drove, leaning your head against the window and staring off at the passing streaks of yellow and white. The quiet between you two was stifling, nothing like the late-night drives you made him take you on when neither of you could sleep. It was unsettlingly cold and you pulled his jacket tighter around your body, sinking further into the leather seats. 

“I’m not taking you back to your dorm,” he states blandly. Tension riddled his body ever since he found you in the bathroom and all you wanted was for him to relax. How could he, though, if you were on the verge of vomiting again in his car? 

“I know.” It’s all you can muster out of the pure shame covering your body like a rash. You trusted him and knew where he was going, but it still didn’t give you relief. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know you are. You couldn’t get one of your friends to take you home?” His voice and expression are both unreadable, intentionally blank to not give away his inner thoughts. There it is, you think. There’s the loathing he feels toward you for being another weight on his back. You’re careful with your words and they barely come out as a whisper. 

“I didn’t want them.” His attention flicks to you for a moment, like he doubted the sincerity of your answer. His eyebrows raise in mirthless disbelief.

“But you wanted me?”

“I needed you.” He shakes his head; he didn’t believe you.

“There’s a difference.”

“Not to me.” 

The shame continues to rise around your body like water and you’re sinking in it, struggling to breathe while emotions threaten to spill from bloodshot eyes. But, even more, the shame is distorted by an unshakeable feeling of confusion. You didn’t know how he felt about you, nor did you really understand how you felt about him. The last time you spoke was months ago and yet you let go in his presence as if nothing had changed. It was driving you out of your mind, not knowing what he was thinking. The feeling stays stagnant in your body even after you shower at his apartment, in his bathroom with his body wash. He leaves one of his old jerseys for you to wear, saying his bed is yours for the night. Everything smelled like him, familiar and nostalgic. Everything was telling your brain that you were safe, so why weren’t you able to relax? 

His head pokes through a crack in the door to check on you right before you turn his bedside lamp off. You’re wrapped in his blankets and wearing his clothes, but everything about your situation just felt wrong. He can see it in your face, too, and respectfully has a seat on the edge of the bed next to you. 

“Talk to me.”

“I don’t know how anymore,” you mutter pathetically into his pillow. He exhales deeply, rubbing his eyes and you expect him to leave you right there. It’d be too much work for him to unpack exactly what was going on. 

“You said there was a guy that looked like me,” he offers. You merely hum in assent, still too disgusted with yourself to look at him. In contrast, his voice is a patient plea for you to keep talking. "Why'd he matter?"

“I kissed him and pretended he was you.” Sneaking a glance at his face, you find it completely blank, the only sign of emotion being the miniscule widening of his eyes. “His hands started to wander, though, and I just knew. I knew he wasn’t you.” 

“How did you end up in the bathroom?” His words are strained and shaky, but neither of you will look at each other.

“Threw up. It felt gross, kissing him.” Kiyoomi breaks for a millisecond, his face contorting in anguish before schooling itself back into blankness. “It felt gross to kiss him because he–”

“Because he looked like me,” he finishes, unable to mask his sorrow. Something clicks in your mind and you sit up pencil-straight, suddenly completely sober. 

“No.” You don’t attempt to hide the urgency in your tone while you slide closer and place your hand on his shoulder. He flinches but doesn’t pull away. “Because he wasn’t you at all, Omi. He wasn’t who I wanted, nor who I needed.”

“And who is it that you want? Is it the same as who you need?” He’s finally looking at you, eyes softer than you’d ever seen. Whether purposeful or not, both of your bodies had shifted closer to each other as if they were stuck in each other’s orbit. 

“It’s been the same for as long as I can remember, even when he disappeared for a little bit,” you confess and you attempt to give him a smile. He’s completely speechless at what you’re implying, and his reaction is enough to tell you that he feels the same. 

“And…would you let him stay with you for the night? To make up for lost time?” His knuckles hesitantly brush your cheek in question. You take his hand in yours and press a feather-light kiss to his fingers in answer. 

“As long as he promises not to disappear again.”

“He won’t,” he states with finality while he pulls you back into his bed, pulling you into his chest as naturally as breathing. He sighs into the top of your head when you’re flush against his body, the tension you felt earlier gradually dissipating. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you more.”

“That’s not possible. I fell first, after all.” You can hear the smirk in his words even as your eyes flutter shut. You pull whatever energy you have left in the tank to respond to his quick remarks. It doesn’t last for long when you feel sleep start to tug at your mind. 

“And I fell harder. Who’s winning now, hmm?” 

“I still am. Look who I have in my arms right now.”

“Your athlete is showing, Omi,” you murmur on the verge of passing out. His fingers tracing swirls on your skin through his jersey wasn’t helping your fight to stay awake. 

“Rest, then; we have a lot to catch up on in the morning.” 

“Promise you won’t leave.”

“I promise I won’t let you go.”

if you enjoy my writing and would like to support me, you can buy me a coffee on my ko-fi! you can also check out my full masterlist here :)

[therealcocoshady]

Recovery - Chapter 5

Eminem x Reader (Y/N) fanfiction

Summary : Y/N spends the evening with Marshall after avoiding him for weeks.

Tags : -

For the following weeks, you drowned yourself into your work in order to restrain from thinking about Simon or Marshall. The only people you saw were either at university, at home or at meetings. You were especially grateful for the latter, as you found yourself craving relief from either pills or alcohol. Thankfully, going to meetings and therapy kept you sane and you were able to fight the urge. You went to the studio once or twice, as Jamal invited you, but you sort of avoided Marshall. You saw him, but apart from greetings and small talk you didn’t go out of your way to have actual conversations and meaningful exchanges with him. 

Thursday night came and, for the first time ever, you had the house to yourself. Jamal and Talia were celebrating their fifth anniversary by going on a dinner date. Your best friend was so worried for you that she almost cancelled their plans, much to her boyfriend’s dismay. Thankfully, you had convinced her to leave you alone in the house. 

I’ll be fine, you said. You guys deserve a night out. 

Are you going to be ok ? I’ll have my phone with me and you can call me if you need ! She said. 

Babe, you’re worrying too much. She should be fine for a few hours, Jamal said rolling his eyes. 

Yes ! You said. And I promise the house will be intact when you come back. I won’t set it on fire or anything, you added jokingly. 

You sent them off to their date with a smile. Before closing the door, Jamal looked at you and pulled you in for a quick conversation. 

Look, I know you’ll be fine, we trust you and shit, but you know you can also call Marshall if you need, right ? Actually, it might be cool if you did. He asked about you the other day. I think he misses you at the studio, he said with a wink. 

Really ? You asked. 

Yeah. He seems to really like you. I don’t think I have seen him like this with anyone else. And I’m not dumb, you know. 

What do you mean ? 

I know you like him. 

What ? I don’t, you said with embarrassment.

Is there any other reason why you have avoided him like the plague these past three weeks ? Or any conversation about him ? Jamal asked with a grin. 

It’s… complicated. Can we leave it at that ? You pleaded. 

Look, it’s none of my business, but you like him and he cares a lot about you. It’s all I’m saying, he said before leaving. 

You were kind of intrigued by what Jamal had told you. Had Marshall really asked about you ? If so, why hadn’t he called you directly ? 

After giving it a lot of thought, you decided to text him. 

To : M 

Hey. How are you ? 

You felt your phone buzzing almost immediately. It was him calling you. 

Hey, he said. Are you alright ? 

Yes, you said. How are you ? 

I’m good. 

There was a moment of awkward silence. 

Am I bothering you ? You asked. 

I’m the one who called you, he said with a chuckle. 

Right, you said as you blushed in embarrassment. 

I’m not busy anyway. I’m at home just chilling. Do you want to come over and hang out ? He offered. 

Uh… sure. Text me the address and I’ll get a cab. 

Will do. 

He texted you his address and you quickly got ready. You kind of struggled to choose an outfit. You wanted it to send just the right message : “I made an effort because I want you to see what you missed the other night but I also don’t want you to think I am trying too hard”. After a careful examination of your entire closet, you put on a pair of skinny jeans that showed off your figure, a simple tee-shirt and your hoodie from Uni. You knew the jeans showcased your ass perfectly and, since he had already seen you topless, it was just the area to highlight. 

You called a cab and got to his place. You’d never been here before. You found yourself in front of a mansion that was easily five times as big as your childhood home. You rang the doorbell and were greeted by Marshall who just got out of the shower, all dressed but his hair still wet. You were scared it would be awkward, seeing him for the first time in three weeks, but he greeted you in his usual way, by giving you a hug. Only, it felt a little different this time, probably because it was just the two of you, and you could remember the feeling of his skin against yours. 

Thanks for coming, he said as he led you to the living room. 

I’m happy to see you, you confessed. 

Are you ? I’ll be honest, I kind of thought you were avoiding me, he said with a shrug. You were sort of… distant ? 

I wasn’t sure you wanted to see me either. You haven’t called or visited Talia and Jamal like you usually do. 

I was thinking you might need time to think. 

“About what ?”, you almost asked. But you didn’t. You didn’t want to make things awkward. 

I’m a bit better now, you told him. 

Good.  So… do you want to talk about last time or…? 

Do you think we should ? You asked anxiously. 

You weren’t sure there was a need to add anything. And you were sort of embarrassed at the memory that you jumped on him and he pushed you away. 

I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, he said. 

It’s fine, Marshall. We’re adults, you said. 

So you understand why I pushed you away ? He asked carefully. 

Look, you don’t like me like that, and that’s ok, you said. I acted on impulse. You were here, I was sad and hurt, I needed to change my mind, I was attracted to you and… well, you were here so you remember what came next… 

I think you’re amazing, he rectified. I didn’t want to take advantage of whatever it is that you felt that night. 

You looked at him, biting your lower lip. It’s true that, as horny as you were, you probably weren’t in your right mind. If anything further had happened between the two of you, it might have added to your confusion. You nodded. 

Also, I’ve had time to think about it some more, he admitted. And I know for sure it would have been a bad idea anyway. 

Yeah, maybe, you said, even though you felt a little disappointed. 

I mean, I’m almost twice your age and you’re recovering, so… 

Yeah, yeah, I know, you cut him. 

Even though you knew he was right, you didn’t really want to hear it.

I’m glad we’re on the same page then, he said with a smile. 

Again, I’m sorry. I didn’t want things to be weird. I just… you started. 

I know. We’re cool, he assured you.  

You stared at each other for a few seconds and chuckled. His smile helped you ease a little, although you couldn’t help but feel a tad disappointed. As right as his arguments were, you were having trouble getting the other night out of your head. 

I was about to watch a movie when you called. Want to do that ? He offered. 

Sure. What are we watching ? 

I’m in the mood for something scary. Why don’t you pick ? 

There’s one I haven’t been able to get through, you admitted. It’s « Us ». Have you seen it ?

Really ? You’re that much of a pussy ? He joked. 

Shut up ! It’s really scary, ok ? I had to stop midway. It gave me nightmares. 

I haven’t seen it, but now, you got me intrigued, he admitted. Come on. 

He got up and waited for you to follow him. You were already in the living room in front of a massive TV. You were confused. 

Aren’t we going to watch it here ? 

No. It’ll be better in the home theater, on the big screen, he explained. 

He led you to his movie room that had a big screen and huge couches. It could easily fit twenty people, with plenty of room to spare. The room was complete with a fridge and every couch had pillows and throws on it. Perks of having a lot of money, you guessed. 

Drinks ? He offered while opening the fridge, which seemed to contain all the sorts of alcohol-free beverages you could think of. 

Yeah, sure. I’ll have a Dr Pepper please. 

You sat next to each other and started the movie. The room was pitch black and the only light was coming from the screen. Every scene seemed to startle you, which never failed to make Marshall laugh. 

Come on !!! You can’t tell me that isn’t scary, you said. 

I don’t have time to be scared, you’re shitting your pants for the both of us, he chuckled. 

Shut up, you pouted. 

One very scary scene came up and you spilled your soda all over yourself and Marshall. 

Shit, I’m sorry 

Relax, he said. 

Your top was soaking wet and so were the tee-shirt underneath and your bra. Thankfully your jeans were intact. 

Marshall got up and brought tee-shirts for the two of you to change. 

Give me your clothes, I'll put them in the wash, he said.

You turned around and took your wet clothes off as he did the same. You put on the tee-shirt he gave you and turned back, only to see him shirtless, which made you blush. Thank god the room was still dark enough. He was staring at you intensely. 

Are you alright ? You asked. 

Yeah, he said as he bit his lip while quickly putting on a clean tee-shirt.  

Had he been staring at your naked back ? You found yourself amused by the idea. You were also slightly aroused by the sight of him half naked, even though it was dark and you couldn’t see much. You knew you shouldn’t be thinking about him that way, but you couldn’t help it.  You sat back and resumed the movie. Once again, you jumped at every scene. 

Thank God you don’t have a drink anymore, my wardrobe wouldn’t be big enough to provide changes of clothes, he laughed. 

Shut up, you said. 

Quit the attitude, he playfully warned you. Or I’ll leave you alone to watch the movie. 

Please don’t, you pleaded.

The only reason you kept watching is because you were with him. You were so scared you wouldn’t be able to watch it on your own. Especially in such a big house. 

What is so scary anyway ? He asked. I mean, it’s kind of creepy but it’s not too bad. 

There’s just something about the atmosphere you know ? You explained. Also, I once got lost in a fun fair when I was four and it reminds me of that time. I thought I’d never find my dad back. My mom had died a couple of years before and I… I thought I would never have a family again.It was super scary. 

He nodded and put his arm around your shoulders. 

Better ? He asked. 

Mmmh, you nodded as you felt yourself blushing. 

You rested your head on his shoulder and watched the rest of the movie. 

God you move so much it’s impossible to focus, Marshall complained. I should tie you up or something. 

You stared at him with your mouth slightly opened as you waited for him to realize what he had just said. 

Not like that. Idiot, he rolled his eyes laughing.  

Perv, you said playfully. 

Don’t start, he warned you with a smile. 

You bit your lip, knowing full well you could be bratty enough to indeed start. However, you decided to be reasonable and not to do anything. 

We have about twenty minutes of movie left. You think you can sit still ? He asked with a grin. 

You rolled your eyes and watched the screen as your only answer. Only you weren’t really watching. Your mind wandered and you thought of Marshall’s touch as his hand grazed your arm. His words came to mind. You wouldn’t be against him tying you… you gnawed on your lip. You were a horny mess. You had been for about three weeks now. You took a look at him, focused on the screen.  It was hard not to stare at his face. His blue eyes, his nose, his perfect lips. You didn’t really believe in God, but if He did exist, Marshall was a fine specimen of His creation. You forced yourself to look at the screen but soon found yourself burying your face in Marshall’s neck as a screamer scene came on. He jumped a bit, probably more startled by you than the movie. 

Pussy, he whispered before laughing. 

You didn’t reply, your face still in his neck, but you still lifted your middle finger in his face. As a response, he firmly grabbed your wrist and put your hand down. He let out a sigh. 

I’m gonna have to teach you some manners, Y/N, he scolded you. 

You started it, you replied. 

Still, you should learn how to respect your elders, he joked. 

Ok grandpa, you whispered in his ear. 

Fuck you, you brat. 

You let out a laugh as the movie came to an end. You were still in Marshall’s arms and, even though you were glad the movie was over, you wanted the moment to last a bit longer. 

So ? You liked the movie ? You asked. 

I did enjoy the few parts I could focus on, he said with a smile. You know, when you weren’t ruining my clothes or jumping on me. 

It was scary ! You defended yourself. 

Some parts were kinda creepy, he admitted. But you’re worse than a kid with ADHD ! 

I’m not ! 

You are. And it’s the last time I’m ever watching a movie with you, he said with a laugh.

You pretended to pout as you crossed your arms to your chest. Marshall proceeded to ignore you as he got up to turn off the movie and turn on the lights. 

Pouting won’t work, he said with a grin. Three kids, remember ? 

You playfully rolled your eyes at his comment. 

Behave, Y/N, he said. 

Make me, old man.

Before you could move, he was pinning you to the couch, crushing you with his weight. 

Now, you better apologize to me, he said with a smirk. 

In your dreams, maybe, you replied. 

He proceeded to put even more weight on you, crushing you even more. You could hardly breathe. 

Marshall… you pleaded. 

Apologize, he said playfully yet firmly.  

You ignored his order as you tried to squirm from under him. He did his best to pin you down, grabbing your wrists in his hand and holding your arms over your head. It was not the desired effect but you found the situation extremely hot. To be fair, you didn’t need much. Without really meaning to, you let out a soft moan. 

Y/N… Marshall groaned. 

God, your name in his mouth sounded so hot. You looked at him with so much desire. He closed his eyes and maintained his firm grip on your wrists. 

You’re a brat, he whispered in your ears. 

That’s why you like me, you whispered back. 

Fuck it, he said as his eyes darkened and his face moved closer to yours.

[fainthedcherry]

When I was a child in 2013, visiting Nickelodeon's site and finding a treasure-trove of Spongebob, Winx and TMNT flash games was like magic to me. BUT MAN. The TMNT flash games are one of the best ever to me I've played in my life. (on an aesthetic stand-point! Turtle Tactics and Dark Horizons are so awesome man, legendary flash games to me.)

Since I am utterly autistic about 4 green alien turtles and their rat dad...Here we are again. With me posting OC cringe 2016 me would've killed myself over :V (cry about it 11 yo/ me, afraid of cringe culture back then, it's DEAD NOW)

Gonna sneak-post my redo of that ancient drawing I did of Alex 2 years ago, for the base-post : D

2 years ago, I used flashpoint to replay it for the first time in years and I remember crying of glee LOL (I still play Dark Horizons and turtle tactis to this day btw). I played Dark Horizons and Turtle Tactics and also TMNT: Throw Back (NO I DID NOT NAME THIS LIKE A MEME THIS IS ITS NAME. I STILL BURST INTO LAUGHTER LIKE A CHILD OVER THE NAME AGING POORLY DUE TO INTERNET LINGO)

Those 2 flash games are just so...Technically advanced?? For its time?? LIKE A FULLY FLEDGED 3D FLASH GAME WITH UNITY ENGINE BASIS? DAMN. And then Dark Horizons? CHEF'S KISS I LOVE THAT GAME SO MUCH. AESTHETICALLY AND THE COMBAT FEELS RLLY NICE TO ME IMO, AND JUST...Everything about THAT flash game, god TIMELESS CLASSIC I COULD YAP ON FOR HOURS ABOUT THIS NO JOKE.

I am enthralled by the designs and art of Dark Horizons, it's why I made this drawing. The game just..Speaks to me on so many levels. IT'S JUST SO PLEASING TO SEE ALL THE ARTWORK I EXTRACTED. As far to my knowledge- it never got released, so I might make a post of just a few favourites I liked from the game. :D

I just wonder if I can post those in the first place, it's after all, not my artwork, from a flash game, and TMNT, so yeah, legal IP and stuff. I unfortunately don't know who the artist if of the flash games, but if I can find that out via googling or digging for credits in the game or the files, I'll see if I can credit them, so that posting will be fairly accredited!!

OH YEAH RIGHT ALSO QUICK BANTER ABT ART SORRY I AM VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT THOSE FLASH GAMES AS YOU CAN TELL,,,

I studied the in-game sprites for a good few hours back then, and did my best to replicate it to the best of my abilities!! I think Mushu maybe could've been done better looking back at it, but I think it was the best that I could do back then. :D Plus, I remember being really happy, excited and proud of this piece, as it reflected something, my childhood self always wanted: For Alex to like.."fake" being an official character LOL. I had sooo many dreams where Alex was hanging out with the turtles and Ninjago and throwing in Power Rangers for good measure, just...Everything I liked as a child, I somehow connected in my dreams via either "OH YEAH THE RAINBOW FAIRY!" or "OH YEAH SUDDENLY PORTAL AND MY MARY-SUES JUST BRAVE IT WHILST THE OFFICIAL CHARACTERS DRAMATICALLY TELL THEM NOT TO GO"

^I had vivid and....Creative dreams as a child to say the least, sometimes even Darth Vader and Eggman appeared as the bad guys, despite TMNT and Power Rangers and Ninjago w/ the snakes and lord Garmadon or however you spell him (I never checked + I'm German so ofc his name might be different in english)- I- do I have to go on about the dreams I FULLY remember I had, as a 6-9 yo/, until I told myself at 10 how embarassing my dreams are and stopped doing so? I DIGRESS. I..Need to be more professional in these, instead of such pure fandom trash oml, I feel bad for whoever actually has to read through my blatant autistic interests as a child and thinking "wtf is he on about" dfgklfdg

ANYWAY NEKST POST IS THE BASE. I SWEAR. SORRY I LOVE RAMBLING

[the-chosen-fanfiction]

Big James | Hold On Tight | Romantic

Dialogue prompt: “Hey, just look at me, breathe.”

Requested: Yes

Out on open water, you realise how vulnerable you are. Luckily, James is a beacon of strength.

You should have known better.

You should have known better than to marry a fisherman of all possible trades that were out there. You could have known that it would come to this.

And it did. 

With knees weaker than you’d ever admit, you stand on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, watching how your husband gathers his nets into his boat and tucks them in such a way that there is as much space as possible. A gust of wind disturbs the rope that hangs on the mast and James grabs the end of it to secure it, giving you a small smile. 

You reciprocate it, but not with the same energy as he is giving you. Your expression is forced. Ingenuine. All you can think about is how long – or how short - it would take for this boat to sink.

Crossing your arms over your chest to shield yourself from the wind, you cast an anxious look over your shoulder, back at the village, hoping for Salome to show up in need of your assistance, or either Simon or Andrew asking to join your husband instead. Alas, you only see a few rats scurry away in between a few decrepit barrels, one of them dragging along the remains of a rotten fish.

“Darling?” James’ voice rings clear as he looks at you expectantly. He has moved further your way and holds out his hand. “Are you ready?”

You take a sharp breath and nod, perhaps in an attempt to even convince yourself that you are, and you grab the basket with food you had placed on the ground to take it on board. James helps you into the vessel and you feel immediately wobbly, rather ungracefully taking a seat where you think it would be appropriate to sit. 

“Thank you again for joining me today, my love.” James tells you whilst pushing the boat away from the shore by using an oar. Your fingers immediately tighten on the small plank you’re sitting on. “That nasty cold has really gotten John under the weather. Now, I won’t be so lonely tonight. Actually, this is the first time you’re coming with me on my boat, so I suppose that it was long overdue anyway! It’s nice to be here together, don’t you think?”

“Yes.” you squeak, swallowing the lump in your throat as you barely dare to let your gaze leave your husband. “It’s nice.” 

“You may just be a natural at this, I’m almost certain of it.” 

Resisting the urge to shake your head immediately, you inhale through your nose, attempting to compose yourself. Your heartbeat rises as the vessel drifts further and further away from land, rocking from one way to the other as it glides through the water. The sound of waves licking the sides of the boat makes your gut drop unpleasantly.

Your mind races as James gives you the kindest of smiles. As you try your very best to appear content and at rest, you wonder how you ever could have neglected to tell the man you were marrying that you were deadly afraid of water. 

Some distressing moments experienced during childhood never heal.

“Sweetheart,” James draws you from your thoughts, “Can you please pass me the waterskin?” 

With trembling hands, you take it from the basket that is resting against your ankle and reach out to him, only to find out that there is no way you can give it to him without standing up and walking over to give it to him. Your heart stutters and for a moment, you try to think of any excuse that you aren’t able to stand and give it to him, but when he raises an expectant eyebrow, you gather the courage to scoot closer to him, and the boat jerks slightly at the movement of your body shifting inside of it. Rushing over, you hand your husband the waterskin. 

“Thank you.” 

James momentarily puts down the oar he is using to take a few drinks of water, and you watch him in the hopes of calming yourself. After all, you feel your neck heat up with every passing second inside this boat, and it is only a matter of time before he will ask you why you’re sweating so heavily, and you will not be able to blame it on the heat of the lowering sun anymore. Well, if he notices anything at all, of course. 

The fabric of your dress is a shade that does not show stains easily, but you feel that at this point, you might as well just take it off with how drenched it is. However, the idea of falling into the water fully unclothed makes you even more anxious than the idea of falling in whilst wearing your tunic. Then, the darkness of night will soon show up as well, so James will perhaps not even be able to see your current state anymore. It fills you with both dread and relief that he won’t.

You run your hands down your veil as a gust of wind sweeps across the waters, more forceful than anticipated, and your breath hitches inside your throat whilst James casts his gaze up to the heavens. “Hm, there might be some light rain coming our way, but nothing to worry about, dearest.”

Nothing to worry about, you have the urge to counter, there is plenty to worry about. Once the wind is calm enough for you to release your veil, you place your hands on the boat firmly, squeezing it, almost. As it teeters through the water, it convulses to the point that the waves are audibly gushing against the sides, and you’re almost afraid that it will spill over the edge. 

“James,” you mutter, “Is-Is-Is this safe?”

Your husband chuckles a little, giving you a reassuring smile. It is obvious that he isn’t aware of the panic growing inside your chest, and he takes another sip of water before he nods. “Perfectly fine, (Y/n),” he muses, “Nothing to worry about. This happens all the time, especially when there is a storm coming.”

“A storm?” you whimper, and James shrugs. 

“Ah, no, not a storm. Just a light drizzle, as I just mentioned.”

Your nerves aren’t calmed. “Shoul–Shouldn’t we go back to the sh-shore?”

“No need to,” James clarifies, “John and I never head back just because of some light rain. Things are fine, you’ll only get a bit damp is all.”

Gulping, you inhale through your nose as the wind picks up even more. The waves are higher and panic causes you to whip your head towards the water for the first time during this fishing trip, out of pure instinct.

Wrong move.

All sense leaves you upon seeing the vast expanse of the disturbed waves of the Sea of Galilee. A few fishermen are gathering their nets a little away, their distance far enough to have you realise how large this lake is.

With widening eyes and a paling face, you feel your mind go blank.

Your chest tightens as your lungs fail to draw air properly, your head spinning as the boat sways from right to left. 

James frowns at your strained expression, leaning closer to you.

“(Y/n), are you alright?” You nod absentmindedly and gulp back the nausea that threatens its way up your oesophagus, planting your hands against the wood of the vessel. Upon noticing the way your nails dig into the chipped cedar, James drops the oar into the boat before scooting closer. 

“Hey, now. What’s the matter?”

You open your mouth in an attempt to explain, but no words come out. Instead, a sorrowful cry tumbles from your lips. Hot tears suddenly streak down your cheeks.

James doesn’t hesitate a second to take you into his arms, holding you near. “Come here,” he whispers, “You’re alright, (Y/n).” 

Attempting to shake your head, you claw into the rough material of his tunic, struggling for air. The water surrounds you as far as you can look, but squeezing shut your eyes only enhances the sound of the waves hitting the sides of the vessel, giving you a stifling feeling of being trapped.

Your heart hammers inside your chest and you feel light-headed. When you tighten your grip on James, sobbing into his chest, he gently slides a hand up and down your back, gently caressing you through it. When your fingers suddenly feel less forceful, concern swells inside his chest. James pulls away from the embrace that is nothing short of desperate, only to find you blankly staring at him, mouth agape. 

“(Y/n)...? (Y/n)! Hey, just look at me, breathe.” He cups your face into his hands and slightly pats your cheek in the hopes of triggering your breathing reflex. A pained gasp leaves you and you collapse into his arms once again, soaking through his tunic with your tears. He doesn’t seem to care about it at all, instead holds you firmly in the hopes of calming you down.

Quivering, you try to find comfort in the familiar scent of your husband’s tunic, but to barely any avail. “J-James,” you shiver, “Please, please, make it stop! I-I want to go to land! P-Please! Please!” 

The older son on of Zebedee frowns worriedly, trying to pull away so that he can look at your tear-stained face. He cradles it and attempts to find your eyes, but yours flit away in constant panic. “M-Make it stop! Make it stop!” The rocking of the boat does not cease, but James starts to get an inkling of what is bothering you. 

“Easy, love, I’ve got you, okay?”

You tremble uncontrollably and James gulps, uncertain of how to handle the situation. “Right, come here, come sit in my lap whilst I bring the boat back to the shore.”

It takes a lot of willpower to be guided to the other side of the vessel to crawl into your husband’s arms, but you manage to scurry your way into the safety of his person. With one arm around you, he starts to steer the swaying boat back to the shore with practised ease, although the sweeping wind makes the ordeal a bit more challenging. 

A thousand thoughts run through your mind as every second on the boat feels like an hour, wondering how you are ever going to explain yourself to your husband. Peeking up at his face, you see his determined expression still laced with slight puzzlement, and you do not blame him for it. After all, you have just broken down in front of him without any apparent explanation. How could he know that you were so fearful of the darkness of the lake around you?

Every so often, a strong hand cradles itself against the back of your veil as James steadily heads for the harbour. He asks no questions other than occasionally checking up on you, if you’re already feeling better, for your breathing has calmed significantly. Still, your body feels weak, and you meekly nod instead of verbally responding to his questions. After a few long, endless minutes, he finally guides the boat up to the shore, and you jolt at the sudden feeling of hitting sand. 

“There we go.” James murmurs, putting down the oar and having you look up at him. He thumbs away the streaks of your tears, smiling kindly. “We’re here. Come on, let’s get you some of that wine you brought.”

Although your first instinct is to protest, you are suddenly convinced that it might help you open up more and feel somewhat less embarrassed about your outburst. You truly hope that his perception of you will not change if you were to explain the reasoning behind your behaviour. 

With your husband’s assistance, you take a seat on a small patch of sand, and James takes the basket of supplies you had brought along to take out the small wineskin that had been picked for the occasion. You are almost greedy when you take a few gulps, not minding the bitter taste that tightens your throat. In spite of your nausea and how much you hate its tang right now, you swallow it down. It takes you a minute to fully settle down, the colour coming back to your face in addition to a pleasant tinge of warmth.

“Now, darling, what happened to you out there?” James is curious, playing with a stray lock of hair that falls in front of your face. “You don’t need to tell me if you’re not ready yet, but know that I’m here for you.”

You squint at the horizon in thought for a moment and sigh, averting your gaze to your lap to try and go over the right words to say, when you realise that straight up telling him would be the best approach. “When I was little, my little sister fell into the water.”

“Ruth?”

You nod and look at James with teary eyes. “We were playing together at the shore. I turned around for just a few seconds and when I looked back, she was just gone. I… I couldn’t swim, neither could she, and I praise Adonai for the teenagers who saw it unfold right in time in order to save her. If they had passed us by a minute later, Ruth would have…” Your words trail off and you force back your tears. James understands what you were getting at and clicks his tongue in worry, running a warm hand over your back to calm you. 

“Oh, sweetheart. I’m so sorry, I never knew that.”

You let out a shaky breath and pinch the bridge of your nose. “Ever since then, I’ve hated water, sworn to myself to never even consider getting out on the lake. And then…” A genuine laugh escapes you, “Then I married a fisherman.”

James smiles. “That you did.”

Humming, you take another drink and offer your husband the wineskin, but he declines politely.

“Thank you for trusting me with this.”

You sigh, nuzzling into James a bit more. His warmth comforts you.

“Oh, James, I feel so silly.” you whisper, taking a large sip of wine. Your husband shakes his head, smiling kindly as he puts a hand on your thigh. “I should have told you sooner, love, and that way I could maybe have helped you out more—”

“There is no harm done, darling.” he tells you, “I promise that I’m not upset with you for not revealing this earlier.”

You swallow thickly. “But the fishing business is so important to you! It is my task as a wife to support you in your work, and now I’m falling short!”

“Nonsense.” James reassures you, taking your chin between his thumb and index finger before pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. “You support me in many other ways already. The last thing I want is for you to feel unsafe because I’m forcing you to come with me to work. I’m only very glad that I was here to witness it, so that I can make sure to avoid putting you in such situations in the future. I’m really sorry for asking this of you, my love. It was not my intention to bring you into a position like this.”

You give him a watery smile and put down the waterskin. “James, you couldn’t have known. There is no way that you could have foreseen this. If anything, I am the one owing you an apology. I should not have kept this from you and have now put you into this–”

“No, no love.” he interrupts, “Do not apologise for what you are afraid of.” 

A brief silence falls over you two, only broken by a beaming smile that you crack at one another. “Neither of us should be apologising.” you conclude, relieved, “Okay?”

James smiles and pulls you closer against him, kissing the side of your head. “Okay.” he breathes, “I’m sorry for apologising.” There is humour in his voice and you cannot help but chuckle.

“I love you.” you tell him. 

“I love you more,” he retorts, “Way more.” 

You flush and playfully bump his arm with yours. “Love is not a competition, you know.”

James hums and gives you a thoughtful look, at which you giggle. “I know,” he laughs, “But still, I love you way more, because it is physically impossible to love someone way more than that I love you.”

“That does not make any sense.” you murmur against his cheek, kissing it.

The older son of Zebedee tucks some (h/c) hair behind your ear and hums. “Well, you better believe it, my love.”

Looking out over the water, that is disturbed by the wind, you feel way more at ease than before. From a distance, it is better to digest, and you know that it cannot harm you this way. You lean against James’ shoulder, closing your eyes, listening to the sound of the wind and his steady breathing against the shell of your ear as he softly watches you, and you sit like that until the first drops of rain fall from the sky.

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #57 (part two)

Journal Entry #57 (part one) // STORY INDEX

Victor

Just in case anyone was getting the impression that mine and Yuri’s time apart has been completely consumed by thoughts of each other and of Yuri's therapy, let me fill you in on what else I've been doing since I've been back in Willow Creek.

To be fair, Yuri is on my mind a lot, and for the first few days I was here, I felt a little bit guilty whenever I was having fun with my friends or doing something new without him, but I'm feeling better about it now. I talked to Yuri and he said he felt the same way at first, but then he realized what a perfect opportunity he had to spend time bonding with his family.

Despite his initial misgivings about staying with his parents, he seems to be having a good time now, and he's obviously happy. I figured if it was okay for him to feel happy without me, it was also okay for me to feel happy without him. I missed him desperately though. No point in trying to hide that.

Anyway, once I got my head around my "temporary bachelor status", as my cousin Leo put it, I started to relax and really enjoy myself.

Speaking of bachelors, Uncle Stephen, Leo and I have been planning the most epic bachelor party of all time for Julian. We decided on an Italian theme because he and Mom are going to Tartosa for their honeymoon. There's going to be Italian food and music, and everyone's going to be encouraged to wear Italian beach club fashion. Uncle Stephen managed to reserve an event room at the Harbourside Haven with a view overlooking the water. It may be Newcrest, but we're gonna pretend it's a Tartosan beach scene.

At first, I thought it was kind of weird to have a theme, but Uncle Stephen said a lot of people have bachelor parties with themes. I deferred to him because what do I know? Nobody threw a bachelor party for Yuri and me, and this was my first time planning one for somebody else. Uncle Stephen has been involved in organizing at least three — his best friend Matthew's, Uncle JP’s, and my dad's — so that makes him an expert, as far as I'm concerned.

"By the time you get around to planning Leo's bachelor party, you'll be an expert too," he assured me.

Leo wants a superhero theme when his turn comes. Probably no surprise there.

Leo, Ellie and I have been spending as much time together as we can, which probably isn't going to be much of a surprise to anyone either. We've been getting up to our usual nonsense; playing soccer and racing bikes in the park, going to the pool and the arcade, and generally just hanging out, but we've been getting some productive stuff done as well.

I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but Julian moved in with Mom around the beginning of January, like maybe a week or two before my accident. He was originally planning to sell his house, but what ended up happening was that he transferred the title to Ellie instead. What that means is, Ellie gets to live in her childhood home and doesn't have to worry about paying a mortgage since Julian managed to fully pay it off a couple of years ago. At the end of April, Leo moved in there with her, and now they're wholly involved with renovating the place to make it exactly how they want.

They're actually not changing it significantly, but even cosmetic changes require a fair amount of work. They had to hire somebody to install their new kitchen cabinets and appliances, but Leo decided they could do the hardwood flooring in the living room themselves, as well as the painting and redecorating.

And that's where I came in. I might not be very good with electronics, but I definitely know my way around carpentry tools. My mom taught me a lot about home maintenance, so I can measure, saw and hammer with the best of them.

Almost as soon as I arrived, Leo enlisted both me and his sister Kiki to help with the flooring. Ellie and Kiki gleefully ripped out all the old carpet, and then they sanded and cleaned the subfloor. After that, Leo and I got down to business. We got the entire living room done over three days, and it looks fabulous, even if I say so myself.

We're all getting pretty good at painting too. Leo, Ellie, Kiki and I painted Ellie and Leo’s living room, kitchen and bedroom, and then I got them to come over to our new house and help me paint mine and Yuri's rooms, our living room and downstairs bathroom.

Robert and Kim did a bunch of renovations before they put the house on the market, so there’s really nothing much that needed to be changed except the colours of a few walls. The only thing I really want to do besides the painting is to install a jet tub in the upstairs bathroom. Yuri got used to having that at Uncle Kaz's place, and I think he should have one here. It’s very therapeutic for him.

You knew I'd inevitably come back to talking about Yuri, didn't you? Some of you are probably laughing over my inability to keep my mind off him. Go ahead. I don't mind. I'm hopelessly in love with him, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

As a matter of fact, Yuri is the whole reason why I was motivated to record this entry tonight, after kinda forgetting about our journal for almost three months. Now that I’ve gotten all the life updates out of the way, I can get to the really good part. It's the part I maybe should’ve led with, but I guess you’ve all figured out by now that I sometimes like to leave the best stuff till the end.

So, here’s the story. It actually started yesterday evening, when Yuri missed our regular seven o'clock FaceTime chat. By seven-fifteen, I decided I'd better call him. He didn't answer, but I wasn’t overly concerned right away because I thought there might just be something wrong with his iPad, so I texted him instead. I started getting scared when I received no reply to that either, and when I phoned him, I got a robotic-sounding error message that said the customer I was trying to reach had the phone turned off.

At that point, I systematically called everyone I could think of who might know what was going on, but Takahiro, Fox and Sakura had no clue, and the most that Mr. Okamoto's personal assistant Koichi could tell me was that Mr. Okamoto was away on important business for the next several days, which didn’t really help. When I tried to call Yuri's parents, I got the same error message I'd gotten when I attempted to call him.

I tossed and turned in bed all night, and every time I woke up, I sent another text to my husband. By seven o'clock this morning, when I still couldn't reach him, I started scrolling frantically through my phone to see if I had his grandparents' numbers. Somebody had to know something.

I didn't have a number for his grandmother or grandfather, but I did have contact information for his boss, Mr. Tanaka. It was a long shot, but I called him, which may not have been the wisest thing to do. Mr. Tanaka didn't have any idea where Yuri was or what might be happening, and I think I might've caused him to worry with my asking him about it.

Around ten o'clock, I was seriously considering getting online and trying to arrange an earlier flight back to Japan. I'm not even joking.

That was when my phone buzzed in my pocket.

I pulled it out and glanced at the screen. It was a message from Yuri.

You ever hear that phrase 'weak with relief'? I literally was, and I sank down the kitchen floor, nearly crying, with my phone still clutched in my hand.

As if he'd been reading my mind, the message said, «I love you and I'm okay.»

«Where are you?» I texted back with trembling fingers.

He sent, «I’m outside. Are you at home?»

Perplexed and still shaking, I replied, «Yeah. Why?»

«Look out the front window.»

Feeling thoroughly confused, I got to my feet, put my phone back in my pocket and made my way from the kitchen to the dining room so I could peer outside. Parked at the curb was a vehicle I didn't recognize. I took off my glasses so things further away would come into sharper focus, and I think i may have let out a small gasp when I realized who was behind the wheel of the unknown blue minivan.

It was Kenji Okamoto.

I was still forcing my mind to process that when the van's side door slid open and first Yuki and then Yuri climbed out. Mr. Okamoto got out of the driver's side to open the front passenger door for his wife, who was holding baby Kinai.

To say I was shocked would be putting it lightly. During all our daily conversations, Yuri hadn't mentioned anything about him and his family travelling. I could only assume they were here for the wedding, which is coming up in four days, but if they were here for the wedding, that would mean Mom and Julian both knew they were coming as well, and yet nobody had breathed a word about any of it to me.

I should've been upset about that, but I was way too excited over being unexpectedly reunited with Yuri to worry about having been kept in the dark. I mean, real talk here, the sound I made when I saw my husband was a lot louder than a gasp. A second later, I was flinging open the front door and flying down the steps, and he was hurrying to close the distance between us too, arms outstretched for an embrace.

I caught him and spun us both around in a circle right there on the walkway. "Yuri! I missed you!"

"Me too," he said, clinging tight as we completed our big, joyful circle. "I couldn't wait to get here. The last couple of hours, I was getting so impatient I could barely cope with it any more."

"This is why I couldn't reach you, isn't it? You were in a plane."

He was laughing. "Ah... surprise?"

"I was freaking out!" I exclaimed. "Like, I was literally just about to change my flight and everything! You should've known I'd panic when I couldn't reach you. Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"I'm sorry," he said, as I carefully set him down. "Don't be angry. It was so hard to keep the secret, and I almost let it slip out, but we really wanted to surprise you."

"I'm not angry," I said. "I'm relieved you're okay, and I'm thrilled you're here, but..."

"But what?"

"I thought you couldn't travel," I said. "What about your therapy?"

"We'll only be here for a week," Yuri said. "I'll miss my psychologist appointment this week, and one in-person session with my nutritionist, and a food intelligence class.”

“Can you afford to miss that stuff?”

“I think so,” he said. “The nutritionist scheduled a fifteen-minute video call so I can check in and show her my food diary and talk about any concerns, but she said I’m doing so well that she thinks I’ll be all right even if I miss a full session.”

"So, uh... I guess you're here for Mom and Julian's wedding?"

"Of course," Yuri said. "I promised them I'd play, didn't I? And I've brought my accompanist with me."

Mr. Okamoto laughed at that. "The things I let myself get talked into," he said. "Grace called Yuri about a week ago to ask if he was able to come, or if they should make different arrangements for their wedding music. When he told her he could, she asked if we'd all like to come, and then Julian got on the phone with her and said that if I was coming, I ought to help with the music as well."

"Nothing like being drafted into a project last-minute," I said, amazed that Julian had felt comfortable enough with Mr. Okamoto to even make a request like that. They'd become fast friends when Mom and Julian were in Mt. Komorebi just after my accident, but I didn't think they'd gotten that well-acquainted. I mean, practising a whole set of wedding music with only a couple weeks' advance notice was a huge ask. I'm not sure I'd even ask my best friend in the world to do something like that.

"I don't mind," said Mr. Okamoto, much to my astonishment.

"You don't?"

"Yuri and I hadn't played together in a very long time, and we've been rediscovering how much we like our violin and piano duets. The music isn't that difficult, and we're already familiar with each other's playing style, so I think it'll work out quite well."

"That's...impressive," I said.

"It's an honour for us to play for your parents' wedding."

"I'm grateful to you for agreeing to it," I said, and I totally meant it. One of Yuri's favourite memories that he always talks about is of playing duets with his dad, and I'm glad they've started doing that again. I'm also super happy that Mom and Julian didn't end up having to hire random music students from the local college or something.

I pulled Yuri in for another hug. "And you too, sweet boy. I'm super happy that you... hang on."

"What?" Yuri said.

It'd taken a moment for my brain to register the observation, but it seemed that Yuri felt more solid in my arms than I remembered. "Excuse the change of subject, but have you gained weight?"

I know... not a very smooth question, right? In any other context, it would probably seem rude, but for us it had the complete opposite meaning.

Yuri drew back a little so he could look up at me. His face practically radiated happiness, and his beautiful smile accentuated the new fullness in his cheeks. "You noticed."

I slid my hands down his sides. "I can barely feel your ribs."

"I gained four kilos since you last saw me in person," he told me.

"In three weeks? Really? That's like, more than a whole kilogram per week." I glanced over his shoulder at his parents. "What have you been feeding him?"

From beside her father, Yuki piped up, "Milkshakes!"

"Not just milkshakes." Mr. Okamoto interjected hastily. He seemed to feel the need to be accountable to me, to prove they hadn't been so reckless as to let Yuri subsist on such a limited and arguably unhealthy diet. "He's been trying all sorts of new foods, haven't you, Yuri? But he does enjoy his strawberry milkshakes."

Of course I knew he'd been consuming more than milkshakes, but I acknowledged Mr. Okamoto's explanation with, "I'm glad you've been getting him to try new stuff." And then to Yuri, "Have you tried any other dairy products?"

"Real butter," he said. "And cream of broccoli soup. I didn't like that."

"Because of the broccoli, I guess. What about cheese?"

He made the most adorable face, scrunching up his cute button nose in distaste. "No. Cheese is disgusting."

"Unless it's in strawberry cheesecake," his father commented, looking entertained. "You should've seen him devouring that."

I raised an eyebrow. "Yuri, you ate cheesecake?"

"Mm-hmm, and cinnamon buns and dango. Oh, and ice cream!" Yuri said. "I can't believe I've been missing out on real ice cream this whole time."

“He’s been making up for it,” said Mr. Okamoto. "I've never seen anyone eat so many desserts."

"Well, I guess that explains the four kilos," I said.

Yuri offered up a grin that somehow managed to be simultaneously angelic and cheeky, "Aren't you proud of me, Victor?"

"Very," I said. "Four whole kilograms. That's awesome. You don't want to shoot past your goal, though. I hope you've been eating low-fibre vegetables and healthy proteins along with all your desserts."

"I don't like vegetables," he said.

"You like carrots and squash. I'll make you some carrot soup. That'll be the next thing for you to try, okay?"

"Okay." He leaned into me and nuzzled his cheek against my chest. "I'll eat it on one condition. You need to take me on a date to that ice cream place you're always talking about, with the forty flavours."

I laughed out loud and gave him an affectionate squeeze. I was beyond happy he'd discovered something new that he wanted to eat. "If you're not too tired from the trip, we can go this evening after dinner," I told him. "On one condition."

"Oh? What condition?"

"I know how much you love anything with strawberries, but The Frozen Cone has forty flavours. I really want you to try something other than strawberry."

"Peach?" he ventured.

"Good choice. They probably have that. They usually have orange-pineapple too, and cherry."

Yuri hummed softly, a little sound of satisfaction. "Let's try peach and cherry. I don't want to taste pineapple until we go to Sulani, okay? I want to save that experience for a really special occasion."

"Okay," I agreed.

"If we get a scoop of each kind in a bowl, we can share. Would that be all right?"

"That sounds perfect," I said.

"And you can feed me," he whispered, but evidently not quietly enough to prevent his father from overhearing.

Mr. Okamoto sounded torn between scolding and amusement. "Yuri—"

"One spoonful, because you're cute," I said. "But you'll be on your own for the rest of it. Rules are rules, you know."

"I tried," he said.

"Full marks for effort." I laughed, and kissed the top of his head. "Come on. Let's go inside. I can show you the paint job Leo and I did in your bedroom, and we can give your family the grand tour."

"Our family," he said.

"Our family," I repeated. I nodded to my in-laws. "Come on in."

Mr. and Mrs. Okamoto both thanked me and bowed respectfully, but I think Yuki forgot her manners in her excitement. She bounded forward and grabbed one of my hands. "Yuri said there's a ghost! Can I meet her?"

I smiled. "Well, that'll be up to Sachiko. I think if you call her Kobayashi-san and remember not to use her favourite mug, she'll come out and meet you. Don't be too surprised if she starts making small objects fly around the room, though."

Mrs. Okamoto frowned. "Are you saying the house really is haunted?"

"That's why the asking price was so low," I told her. "Don't worry, though. Sachiko isn't a bad ghost. She's just been here longer than we have, and she thinks it's her place, so her rules should apply."

"I... see," said my mother-in-law.

"What's this about the mug?" asked Mr. Okamoto.

"It's a red one," I said. "It's Sachiko's, and she's very possessive of it. No pun intended."

"Well," said my father-in-law. "A ghost with a mug, a wedding, and my son wanting to go to a forty-flavour ice cream shop. This should be an interesting week."

I couldn't resist a grin. "Family," I said. "Welcome to Willow Creek."

[harumirart]

My Friend's Assumptions about Battle Tendency! (She's only seen a few episodes)

Spoilers!

Joseph: survives, he wins and becomes a hamon master. Gets good at hamon. Absorbs all the hamon power in the universe which is why it isn't used in part 3.

Speedwagon: okay in the end, chills with Erina for the whole time acts like the guy on the computer (guy behind the scenes who hacks into places whilst communicating to the protagonists through radio) giving joseph motivation throughout part 2.

Erina: also fine. Dies of old age off screen like speedwagon.

Smokey: he lives he's cute. Completely unnecessary for the plot so he'll disappear. Scratch that he MIGHT DIE cause my friend hasn't seen him in any fanart.

Von stroheim: gets killed by Lisa Lisa or ceaser. Someone other then Joseph. Explodes for his war crimes.

Ceaser: He dies he gets squashed, SHE KNOWS, SHES SEEN FANART. and Joseph is like NOOOOOOO! His relationship with Joseph is like a rated pg 13 of Griffith and Guts (from Berzerk) cause one is blonde and gets all the girls BUT CEASAR WOULD NEVER RAPE ANYONE OMG GRIFFITH SUCKS. and Joseph is good, and they have a rivalry. Anyway, ceaser dies heroically. They are fighting kars and and he pushes Joseph out of the way of the big rock, and he gets squashed. He's also ITALIAN. his grandpa was Mr led zeppelin and he wants to be as good at hamon as Zeppeli. He learned that Baron Zeppeli died for jonathon, so now he's angry at Joseph. ALTERNATIVELY, he comes to serve  the joestars and thinks it's a real honour and is expecting a jonathon type but then meets Joseph and is SEVERELY DISAPPOINTED. that's why he always looks pissed cause, he wanted an honorable himbo but got whatever Joseph is.

Lisa Lisa: Joseph's deadbeat mom. Spent Joseph's whole childhood getting good at hamon. Returned and is like holy shit how long was I training oh shit my son is old. And approaches him to train him.

Alternately she's the best hamon teacher ever. Joseph is like "A GIRL IS THE BEST HAMON TEACHER?" And then learn to be less sexist.  ceaser is like yo that's my harmon teacher wtf stay away Joseph but she's like "omg it's my long lost son uhhhhhh I'll teach you"

Hamon users are attracted to eachother like stands lol.after their training she says to Joseph " I have something I've been hiding from you"

Joseph replies "That your in love with me."

She says " No I'm your mom."

He says "HOLY SHIIIT."

Ceaser is like "THATS WHY YOU FOVOURED HIM " (in italian) she fucks off after they complete their training but comes back at the end to help fight in a final battle.

She survives.

Santana: dies, gets defeated. He's sleepy and he put himself in that rock (she's talking about the pillar he was found in) and that's why he's attacking everyone cause he's pissed they destroyed his rock. He's so one who kills ceaser with the rocks. He hits people with rocks. That's his power.

Wham: he was one of the old astec people that's in the Round About ending. He actually made the masks. And Joseph is like, "WHY?" And he's like, "I was bored it's either I make sun dials or I make masks. But then I decided I could turn people into vampires. " / JK CARS COMES TO HIM like Jesus and is like "MAKE MASKS" and wham is like "yo anything you say dude." Strictly work relationship with the rest of the pillar men.

Acdc: he's the sadistic one. He made his outfit and he makes SAW traps. He's like Ciocolatta and gets off on fear. Maybe he's the one who kills ceaser cause he made a rock trap to kill Joseph but ceaser saved him and dies instead. He was old school friends with CARS that's why he's hanging out with the pillar men.

Cars: OLD AF. older than humans. He wants to be a God and kill everyone. He's an evil vampire. He's the leader just cause he's the oldest. He ripped them apart with his bare hands. HE'S A BEAST. he's like if a gorilla knew how to lay a trap and maybe use a phone. His plan is to pretend to be an old woman or a dog but be like "SURPRISE. IT'S ME CARS" and beats them to death. He can disguise his voice and lure people in and kill him. Is pushed out into the sun and dies.

[icecreamdreams]

ok i decided

to post now. before i begin let me make a HUGE reference to my inspo fic: The Importance of Being Kept Chapter 1: Kagome, an inuyasha fanfic by LianaLyn on fanfiction dot net. I read this story at the very beginning of the pandemic and loved it. Please check it out

blurb: at the end of high school, Inuyasha gives Kagome a special gift. how will their new lives at college impact their lifelong friendship?

ok here goes ~~~

“What’s on your mind, Kagome?” Sango asked. Kagome sat at the beautiful mahogany table next to her mother and best friend, Sango. She graduated high school a few hours ago and was currently surrounded by friends and family to celebrate.

“She’s probably thinking about how soon she can move out!” Sota cried from one end of the table. He sat next to grandpa who was trying to get Inuyasha to give Sota hints on how to be successful in secondary school. Sota wasn’t paying too much attention, trying to enjoy the fact that school was out for summer break.

“Shut it, Sota! I’m thinking about how interesting it will be to move to another stage of life. I don’t have to go to high school anymore!”

“Yeah, well college is a whole different ball game,” Sango added. She was already done with her first year as an engineering student. “You have to manage your own schedule and be responsible with keeping up with everything and make sure you eat too!” Everyone laughed while Kagome blushed. She was known for her big appetite for oden. How was she supposed to manage everything and find the time to make oden?

“Don’t worry, Kagome. Sango, Inuyasha, and I will all be here to make sure you eat, even if it’s not oden,” Miroku said. “Besides, we’re all relatively decent in the kitchen.” Now Sango and Kagome laughed. 

“I think you’re being generous, Miroku. You know Sango burned her ramen just last week,” Inuyasha added. “Besides, why’re ya lumping me into this? Don’t I get a say?”

“Because we know you’ll help out anyway. Remember that time I got sick last semester? Mom wasn’t home and you brought me homemade soup!” Kagome beamed. Her oldest friend could pretend all he wanted that he’d leave her out to hang but when it really came down to it, he’d be there for her in an instant.

“Keh, my mom made it and told me to bring it to you. It was her idea, not mine! Anyways, I'm finished, I’m gonna start the dishes.” As Inuyasha retreated to the kitchen, Sango thought about her friends. What wouldn’t Inuyasha do for her? she wondered. It didn’t matter now. Kagome was going to university and their whole friendship would see a brand new world. They would meet new people and learn about the harsh reality of balancing work and play. Sango couldn’t wait for Kagome to join her.

---

Kagome’s friends and family finished their wonderful meal at the Higurashi household dining table, a place they frequented many times over the years. The warm summer breeze danced on their skin as they talked and laughed and told stories of their childhood memories. The first time Kagome learned Inuyasha was a hanyou. The time Inuyasha learned that even if Miroku wasn’t a demon, he still had interesting abilities. All the times they protected one another without fail. The way they all became friends and how they made it their task to stay close after graduating high school.

Growing up, Inuyasha never thought he’d have a group of friends so loyal and dear to him. He didn’t say it much, but their acceptance of him blew his mind everyday. After all, it wasn’t easy being mixed. Half youkai, half human, and neither side of his family thought he was good at being either of them. Although his parents gave him the best opportunity to go to school with both humans and youkai, he had always been a bit nervous around his classmates. It wasn’t until Kagome joined his class that he got his first real friend.

Kagome was laughing at something Miroku said when she caught his eye. You okay? She thought, nodding her head at him. He looked across the table to find Miroku continuing whatever story it was that made the girls laugh. “Goshinboku tree,” Inuyasha intoned then stood up curtly and left, his red canvas button down flowing in the breeze. When no one seemed to notice, Kagome followed him, the end of her skirt taking off behind her.

“Hey.” Inuyasha glanced at her on his peripheral. He knew she was approaching, could smell her sweet, jasmine and lavender scent in the wind. Sure being a hanyou made him more alert of his surroundings but he always felt just slightly more sensitive to Kagome. For a long time he just chalked it up to her being his oldest and best friend but now he wasn’t so sure.

“Hey, yourself,” Inuyasha grunted, looking her over thoughtfully. “How’s it feel? You’re all grown up and stuff now.”

Kagome laughed and sat beside him. “We’re the same age, Inuyasha. When we get to college we’ll be on our own, so we’ll have to look out for each other. Anyways, Mama will always be here at home for me.”

“Keh, as if! I look out for you more than half the time because you’re so damn clumsy! What would you even do without me?”

Kagome looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. “I don’t know Inuyasha. we won’ve been there for me for so long, I don’t even know what it could be like to not be around you.” Inuyasha felt his cheeks start to heat. He had meant to stay lighthearted. “But I have to be independent now because you’t be in the same classes or even the same building most of the time. So I’m gonna do my best not to bother you as much, ‘kay?”

Inuyasha looked at her. What did she mean she wasn’t gonna bother him? Who else would look after the klutz? “Forget it! I’ll still look after you in college, you know. What, are you trying to get rid of me or something?”

“No! But I want you to be able to make your own friends and decisions without having to worry about me. We’re not in the same major and at some point we won’t be living as closely as we are now.”

“Yeah, well that’s not today!” Inuyasha was surprised she seemed this detached from him. Weren’t you supposed to lean in to your friends and family during big changes? 

After a few moments of silence, Inuyasha pulled out a small velvet case and shoved it at her. “Here,” he mumbled. Kagome looked at him in surprise. “It’s your graduation present.”

Kagome opened the box and gasped. Inside she found a silver banded bracelet, inset with what looked to be real rubies and emeralds. The edges were lined with small diamonds. “Inuyasha…” Kagome didn’t know what to say. Why would he give her something so precious and expensive? “Thank you,” she said finally. “This is very lovely. What made you think of it?”

Inuyasha stared at the ground, his face flushing slightly. “I had the band for a long time and my parents gave it to me to give to someone who was special to me.” Damn, he hated this. How much could he explain without actually telling her what it meant? “So I chose you because you’re my best friend and I didn’t want it just sittin’ around anymore. What am I supposed to do with a stupid bracelet, anyway?”

Kagome looked at him, peering into the amber of his eyes. “Your parents gave it to you? Does it mean something to them?” Kagome was familiar with a lot of the everyday culture of youkai but she was still unfamiliar with the way they expressed themselves. When she first met Inuyasha, she had a difficult time getting him to express his emotions in a way she understood. He didn’t seem to have the words to tell her yet.

“Ehh...who knows, I don’t have time to learn every stupid thing about being a youkai.” Kagome could tell he was deflecting somehow but shrugged it off. He was usually very thoughtful about his mixed human and youkai ancestry and wanted to learn how he could better integrate the two parts of his life to become one. It wasn’t an easy task, but Kagome was proud that he was learning to accept and embrace who he was.

After a few silent moments, Kagome asked “are these real?” trying to determine just how expensive this gift was.

“Yeah, but don’t worry about it. I got a good price on the stones.” He seemed pleased about that. Inuyasha looked over and saw Kagome worrying her lip, no doubt over the price. “I’m serious, Kagome. I want you to keep the bracelet. You can wear it under your sleeve if you think it’s too flashy but I’m not takin’ it back.”

“Well, if you insist,” Kagome answered before slipping the beautiful bracelet onto her wrist. It fit perfectly and wasn’t too oversized. He was right. If she kept it under her sleeve she could wear it anywhere. “Perfect fit!”

He grinned.

---

After Kagome’s graduation party, Inuyasha experienced a continuous wave of calmness, a tranquility his yoki never felt before. It felt like he was releasing a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. He sat in the top branches of the Goshinboku tree to revel in this new feeling before quietly taking off towards his own home.

When he arrived he was surprised by the presence of his older half brother who didn’t really frequent the Inu no Taisho’s house too often. Sesshomaru Taisho saw himself as his own man and insisted upon living independently of both of his parents. While he had no problems with his mom or his father’s second wife, Sesshomaru found himself diverging from the personalities of both of his parents and wanted to find his own way by living alone. His parents offered to financially support his “independence”, but as much as they were willing to provide, Sesshomaru insisted on fending for himself. How could he make a name for himself independent of his father if he didn’t branch out?

Regardless, none of this explained why Sesshomaru was at his father’s house now, some random night at the end of spring. Sesshomaru was going to Waseda University and had lived off campus in his own apartment for the last two years.

Sesshomaru stood at the kitchen counter, drinking tea and reading the newspaper like he belonged there. He seemed comfortable in any environment. Inuyasha knew that wasn’t a trait he’d inherited. “What are you doing here?” 

Sesshomaru looked up. “Came to talk to you.” That surprised Inuyasha.

“Keh, like we have anything to talk about. I haven’t seen you in like 5 months, and ya never reach out.” Inuyasha scowled. Their relationship seemed to be only on Sesshomaru’s terms. He didn’t like feeling manipulated by his brother with questionable motives.

“As a matter of fact, we do.” Sesshomaru replied, facing Inuyasha head on. “Father wanted me to talk to you about Kagome graduating. She’s your human, is she not?”

“She’s not my human, she’s my friend, and you know that!” He hated when Sesshomaru referred to Kagome that way. She wasn’t an object, she was a person. His best friend.

“Regardless, she has found herself with the sympathies of a youkai family and will more than likely need it as she begins this next stage of life.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I mean that she will likely start becoming a target of all matters of youkai from now on-”

“I don’t believe it! You’ve always had a problem with Kagome and you’ve always wanted me to be as weirded out by humans as you are! Well I’m not! I’m half-human myself, idiot, and if you think I’m gonna start treatin’ her any different then you’ve got another thing comin’!” Inuyasha left Sesshomaru in his wake as he stomped off to some other part of the house to avoid his brother. He couldn’t believe this shit. Sesshomaru never did make it easy for them to act like actual brothers, that’s for sure.

Once Inuyasha got up to his room, he considered opening his window to climb out onto his favourite branch of the tree next to the house, but hesitated. For the first time in several years, Inuyasha felt like he didn’t need to sit in the tree to calm down. Sure, Sesshomaru was being a grade-A dick, but suddenly Inuyasha felt more emotionally equipped to deal with his annoyance of a brother. Instead, he just laid down on his bed, looking up at the starry sky through his window. Fingering the beads at his neck, he thought about how things would be when he and Kagome joined Sango and Miroku at school in the fall.

---

“You know, your brother might have more patience for you if he learned that you don’t actually hate humans.” Sesshomaru turned to look at his father. On most days, Toga Takahashi was a resplendent and dignified presence to almost anyone who crossed his path. But in his home with his family, he tried to be as earnest and down-to-earth as possible.

Sesshomaru sighed. His father had always been more delicate with Inuyasha and humans. “You think he’ll start opening up to me because of one girl?”

Toga chuckled. “Not at first, but at least he won’t think you’re as critical of his best friend as you’ve always seemed.”

Sesshomaru let out a low growl. His father was right but it still took a lot of effort to deal with his prejudices. He was trying.

“Besides, if he can’t count on his own brother to support him with something as trivial as this, how can expect the world to treat him any differently?” Toga really did have a point. While it was easier to figure out his son’s bias on his own behalf, it was harder to see Inuyasha struggle with his brother’s stubbornness. They needed a push if they were going to have a better relationship.

“I’ll think about it,” Sesshomaru conceded under his breath. It looked like Rin wasn’t going to be a secret for much longer if his dad kept harping on him like this. 

---

Kagome kept the bracelet hidden as best she could at the beginning of summer break. She didn’t want her mother, or anyone else for that matter, reading too much into it. 

The girls worked nonstop for three hours before Sango suggested they take a break. Kagome was fortunate to get the help of her friend to pack up her room for school. Mama Higurashi insisted that Sango stay for lunch afterwards as thanks. As they finished boxing up Kagome’s accessories, Sango noticed the bracelet on Kagome’s bedside table.

“Woah, Kagome, this is beautiful!” she exclaimed. “Did your grandpa give this to you for your birthday?” Sango carefully picked up the silver band to admire the red and green gemstones that littered the sides of the bracelet.

Kagome blushed. “Actually… Inuyasha gave it to me… as a graduation present.” Kagome’s flush deepened as she said it. Up until now she had managed to keep the bracelet out of sight, unseen by her friends.

Sango’s jaw dropped and she stared at her friend. “You’re saying Inuyasha Taisho gifted this to you with no strings attached?”

“Of course there were no strings attached!” Kagome hissed in embarrassment. “How could you even say that? We’ve always been best friends.”

“Hey, I never know what’s going on with the two of you. Inuyasha likes to be very discreet about his emotions, remember?”

“Tell me about it,” Kagome sighed. At least the bracelet was a kind gesture. What he couldn’t express in words, apparently he could express in gifts. Not that she needed anything more from him anyways. They had a friendship that was unbreakable for years, and she knew he loved her as much as one loved the person that could save them from their loneliness. She tried to reassure him that he didn’t owe her anything, but he made it clear that he was more than incredibly grateful to her.

“Come on, let’s go eat. Does your mother know about it? She’s always been rather intuitive when it comes to him.” Kagome blushed. In fact, she believed Mama was relatively unaware of the bracelet and its origin, although she couldn’t be sure. What would her mother say? It couldn’t possibly be anything more than a gift between gracious friends.

“Do I know about what, dear?” Mama Higurashi intercepted them at the bottom of the stairwell, catching an evasive look on Kagome’s face. “Inuyasha’s bracelet?” Her daughter’s eyes widened.

“Mama! You knew about it?”

Mama shrugged. “Well I asked Toga to be sure but I had my suspicions early on. It wasn’t hard to guess, Kagome.” Kagome’s jaw dropped. Wow, her mom really was intuitive when it came to Inuyasha. “I suspected he might give you something sooner or later, especially since you’re going off to school soon.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“You mean Inuyasha didn’t tell you?” Sango asked.

“Tell me what?! All he said was that his parents gave it to him to give to someone important to him and I guess his belief of being indebted to me went far enough for him to give this to me in gratitude.” Sango looked at her incredulously. Her friend really had no idea what she had ahead of her.

“Kagome dear, the friendly relationship you have with Inuyasha was quite uncommon not too long ago,” Mama started. “In fact, it has only been within the last 50 years that demons and humans and the like have been allowed to coexist in society together. Before that demons and humans had their own land with its own rules and customs. Fortunately, things have changed but some parts of the relationship between humans and demons require more improvement than others.”

“What do you mean, mama?”

“Well, there is still a large population of demons that see humans as expendable playthings useful for their entertainment. As a response other demons may take it upon themselves to ‘claim’, ‘keep’, or protect humans they consider vulnerable or deserving of their attention.”

“Although, sometimes demons that decide to ‘claim’ humans end up being just as stubborn and possessive as the ones that don’t care for humans as much,” Sango added, shaking her head. “I swear we’ve come so far but still have so far to go. Anyways, the ‘kept’ or protected are usually given a charm of some sort that let’s other demons know not to mess with them.”

“So that’s what this is?” Kagome stared at the bracelet in annoyance. “A charm to keep me from meeting other youkai and hanyou like him?”

“I don’t think that’s his intention dear,” Mama said. “You know Inuyasha is quite noble at heart even if he doesn’t always go about things the right way. Why don’t you give him a chance to explain. I can only imagine that he wants to help and protect you, nothing as aggressive as what we mentioned earlier. He’s not like that.”

Kagome thought about that for a moment. What would cause Inuyasha to feel like she needed more protection than she already got? She was just another teenager going off to college and had never faced any real troubles - not with demons at least.

“I hope he doesn’t really think I’m that helpless. I don’t want to be ‘kept’ by anyone!” Kagome mumbled as she finished eating. Sango looked at her in surprise.

“I’m sure he just wants you to know that he’ll be there for you. Going to college is a big transition and you guys will be more separated than before. Maybe this is his way of saying he’ll be there no matter what.” She could live with that.

---

“It’s this way,” Sango pointed in the direction of Kagome’s new residence hall. The decision not to be roommates for the sake of preserving their friendship was mutual. The warm August air welcomed new students and their parents as they moved on campus. Kagome felt lucky she had friends who already knew how everything worked. She was starting to realize that starting a new life was a bit overwhelming if you were by yourself.When they arrived at the residence hall, Sango boldly led the small brigade through the chaos and right to her friend’s new room.

This is it. Kagome opened her door hesitantly to find her roommate on the other side.

“Hi.”

“Hi! I’m Eri! You must be Kagome.” Eri put down the clothing she was folding to introduce herself to the group. “You all must be Kagome’s family.” She smiled.

“Sort of…” Kagome said bashfully. “This is my mom, and these are my friends, Sango and Inuyasha. Although I’d say they’re family at this point. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s good to meet you too! Hey,” she said, turning to Inuyasha. “Are you a hanyou? Can I touch your ears?” Before he could answer, Eri’s hands were already in his face, reaching up to grab his furry ears. He quickly batted her hands away and Kagome winced, dashing in front of him.

“He’s sensitive about his ears. And yes, he’s a hanyou.”

“Half inuyoukai if it means that much to ya,” Inuyasha grunted. It was barely their first day on campus and already someone had to go and do the wrong thing to a hanyou. “Dontcha think it’s kinda rude to just reach in someone’s face and grab their ears?”

Eri stumbled back a few steps. “I supposed it is,” she said matter-of-factly. “Forgive me.” With that she moved on to speak more with Sango and Mama Higurashi.

“Ugh, I can’t believe I’ll have to put up with her all year,” Inuyasha complained, setting the boxes he carried in down on what looked to be Kagome’s side of the room.

“Calm down, Inuyasha. It’s not like you’re living with her, you don’t have to see her.”

“Keh! I will if I see you! Face it, you and her are gonna get real close and do stupid stuff like upset a youkai. And then what? I’ll have to handle it.” Kagome froze. This seemed like exactly the type of thing mama and Sango told her about. The possessive nature of even the best youkai seemed to be getting a hold of Inuyasha. She was 18, she could take care of herself.

“Oh well, Inuyasha, I guess I’ll have to learn how to take care of myself sometime,” She tried not to be too indifferent but she couldn’t stand him acting like she was his problem all the time. Kagome put away her items mindlessly, trying to ignore him when Eri broke into her thoughts.

“Boyfriend?” she asked, nodding over at Inuyasha. He was talking with Sango and mama, helping them finish up with Kagome’s things.

“Nooo!” Kagome responded, her head shooting straight up. “He’s my oldest friend and he likes to worry.” The girls giggled. 

“Well at least that means we can go look for boys together!” Kagome liked that idea and told Eri so. It seemed like her new roommate was pretty cool and could be a great way to meet other students on campus.

Across the room, Inuyasha’s ears perked up. So they were gonna look for boys, huh. He figured he could put up with that as long as she didn’t decide to hang out with obnoxious, annoying youkai that felt like they owned her.

“Are you okay?” Sango asked him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, you were growling to start.” She looked unimpressed. 

“Well what’s it to ya? Seems I’m just tryna mind my business here and they’re over there talking about foolishness like meeting random people. Dontcha think that could be dangerous?” Mama glanced at him and laughed.

“Oh Inuyasha, that’s just a part of the college experience. She’ll be okay, don’t worry.”

Inuyasha grumbled and returned to putting the sheets on Kagome’s bed. This campus made him on edge. Maybe it was because he hadn’t really gotten the chance to get used to it yet but the calm he felt all summer long disappeared the moment they all got on campus. He didn’t know how Sango and Miroku dealt with it. There were so many people in such a small space. He felt like he would go crazy on his own. It seemed like Kagome knew it too because she insisted that he and Sango go ahead to their own dorms instead of worrying about setting up hers. Inuyasha was glad to get out and get some fresh air.

When he got to his room, he found that Miroku had already unpacked his half of the room and looked to be headed out.

“Where are you going?” As much as Inuyasha didn’t want to socialize, he couldn’t imagine his friend would just leave him on his first day.

“Ladies are calling, Inuyasha, and I intend to answer them.”

“What the hell does that even mean?”

“There are tons of freshman girls just downstairs that need help moving in or finding their way. I just plan to be a gentleman and help them,” Miroku answered, feigning innocence. “Plus, someone has to give them the lay of the land here.”

“Keh, you sound like bad television. Whatever, I’ll just see you at dinner.”

After Miroku left, Inuyasha unpacked his things and tried to familiarize himself with the dorm hall. It would be better to at least try to warm up to the place. He paced up and down his hall then took the stairs to the floors above and below and paced those too, allowing his nose to pick up as many scents as possible. If he could cut down the number of unfamiliar scents, maybe he wouldn’t feel as restless. Or maybe if Kagome was here. Inuyasha shook his head. Where did that come from? True, she had always been able to help him settle in any environment but he couldn’t just default to her. He had to learn how to survive on his own.

Inuyasha found himself wandering the halls. The floors above and below him housed people from all over Japan, humans, youkai, and hanyou of all types. It would definitely be interesting living amongst so many other types of youkai and hanyou so closely. It was his first time living so close to anyone besides his family. He wondered how long it would take him to find a nice, secluded spot for thinking like the tree outside his house. Waseda was a big place for thousands of students but he needed some time by himself. It wasn’t like he was super introverted but as sensitive as his senses were, sometimes he needed a place where they could settle down without being overstimulated.

Inuyasha was thinking about finding a way to the roof of the building to aid his search for isolation when he bumped into someone, another youkai by the smell of it. “Oops.”

“It’d be helpful if you were careful where you’re going,” a slightly irritated voice came from what looked to be a wolf youkai. He had about two inches on Inuyasha and wore a muscle shirt and track pants. His hair must’ve been long because it was pulled up into a lopsided bun at the back of his head. This guy seemed to put a lot of thought into his appearance. He seemed like the type of person that used his looks to intimidate people.

“My bad, geez,” Inuyasha replied. Damn, it was his first day and he was already on bad terms with someone. This would be a long four years.

“You’re good. Just watch it. Other youkai aren’t as forgiving with hanyou around here.” Oh, like it was some great compliment that a mere hanyou like Inuyasha wasn’t bothered by a youkai like him.

“Keh, give me a break.” He wanted to be done with the bullshit. “I don’t need some oh holier-than-thou youkai to try and tell me shit, I’m aware.” The youkai looked him up and down, seeming amused and slightly impressed by him. After a few moments of considering the hanyou’s presence, he introduced himself.

“I’m Koga, wolf youkai. You must be a dog hanyou if I’m not mistaken.” He rambled on. “Listen, you’re alright. I live two floors down with my boy Ginta. Room 412. Stop by if you ever need anything. Us canine youkai gotta stick together!” Koga had already started back down the hallway and was gone before Inuyasha could respond. Koga didn’t seem too bad, just really full of himself.

Like I’d ever want anything to do with him, Inuyasha thought and made his way back to his room.

[god-must-be-doing-cocaine]

So I’ve been looking up media analysis of “pick me” girls and what they are and how they operate because I know I used to be one and I’m not a pick me anymore but I need to get these thoughts out somewhere and I need somebody to see what I’m thinking and just help me out a little bit

Fair warning: this post is gonna be all over the place, so I apologize if anything feels out of order

Recently I was talking to a coworker of mine. Now I don’t have any close friends mainly because I don’t know how to make friends. For most of my life I was (unwillingly) isolated from people my own age. My parents were very conservative and republican (but not religious) and my mother homeschooled me and my siblings for most of our childhoods and that has caused a lot of my mental health issues and self esteem issues especially when it comes to making friends and grappling with hanging out or working with people my own age. And I made a comment to him (because I mainly laugh and joke with him and another boy at work) “you and so and so make me look like a pick me girl because you’re the only people I laugh with” and he said “you are”. I disagreed but it didn’t sit right with me.

I have 5 older siblings. My 2 oldest are my two older sisters who moved out when I was around ten and because of the age gap we were never really close. So in my earlier years I grew up with three older brothers, a stepfather and a mother who was not at all a good example of femininity because she was a “pick me” herself. It was a conservative and misogynistic household (we also moved around the country a lot, hence another reason I was so isolated). I also have two younger siblings both of which are around a decade younger than me, so there’s an age gap there as well.

The thing is, I’m used to boys. Specifically immature boys with a gross sense of humor because they remind me of my brothers (but without the childhood trauma and pain my brothers inflicted on me with their ignorance and misogyny). I never knew how to truly be close to girls. I have had girl friends and I have been able to have close female friendships for a time. But I haven’t had an actual female friendship in years because I was homeschooled in my last years in high school and I suck at keeping in touch with people, so I don’t talk to anyone from high school except for one girl who was my best friend at the time, however we are not as close as we used to be. I’ve never felt feminine enough for girls because I didn’t get my nails done, I wasn’t that good with makeup (my face doesn’t allow it but I still love makeup), I’m not conventionally attractive and I wasn’t into anything overly girly (all of which definitely contributed to my years of being an actual pick me). But I wasn’t masculine enough for the typical archetype and for boys either. I’ve always thought sports were boring as fuck, I didn’t care for most action movies, although I’ve always loved marvel and dc and anything “nerdy”. I didn’t care for video games other than Minecraft. I also didn’t realize I was bisexual until I was 15 years old. Growing up in a conservative household where gay people were seen as “less than”, It wasn’t at all an option- especially to little emotionally neglected me who just wanted to feel included in her own family.

These are the issues I’ve felt with in regards to my gender. Not feminine (or masculine) enough for girls, and not masculine (or feminine) enough for boys. It doesn’t help that being raised to think of girls as competition and then knowing that you’re ugly so it’s a losing competition anyway, doesn’t help. Funny thing is I never wanted all boys attention. At the time I had only wanted one boys attention. But that doesn’t matter now.

So at my current job (unlike my last job), I actually get to work with more women and girls closer to my age because there’s more girls than boys that work there.

My problem is that I have no idea how to be friends with anyone. I don’t hang out with anyone outside of work (I have no idea how to initiate hanging out or to even hang out without a purpose anymore) and no one has invited me to hang out with them. There are probably several reasons as to why that is regarding other people’s personal lives and it’s hard to remember that it’s not always about me. I’ve been alone so long and I live in my own little world so I try my best not to take things personally, but my desperation for friendship still likes to show itself and I don’t notice it until I embarrass myself in some way shape or form. Like the other day, when I heard people laughing at work and when I tried to involve myself this girl practically yelled at me and said something along the lines of “girl this doesn’t involve you go away”. Which, fair enough. I wasn’t invited. But it was still humiliating when I laughed it off with the two boys (the same ones I joke with a lot). But what really hurt was when two seconds later she looked at everyone around her and said “what? She ALWAYS butts in!”

When she said that I was embarrassed, but mostly I felt guilty. I already knew this girl doesn’t really like me and she thinks I’m annoying but sometimes she is nice to me. Sometimes her and I do have fun and I can forget how mean she can be. And I can’t help but want to be her friend too most of the time. I was silent the rest of my shift. Thinking about it, I realized that I’m slowly becoming my mother. So desperate for connection I forget about social codes and try to include myself, forcing myself in by way of a joke or a laugh. And that’s where my guilt comes from. Guilty for trying to be a part of something (anything) that at least one person always doesn’t want me to be a part of. Hell, it’s the guilt from being born that my mother passed on to me.

So because of my gender, because of the way I experience femininity and masculinity and how I don’t know how to balance the two. Because I have no idea how to be friends with people, especially women regardless of how much I’d love a female friend. I don’t feel good enough for women, or most men for that matter. Because I only know how to feel “comfortable” in a way that makes me laugh around boys I wonder if I still am a pick me, or if I’m just an insanely lonely creature of habit. I feel like I know the answer but when I try to word it or think of it my mind goes blank.

I’m well aware that by sharing all of this I am opening myself up to criticism and judgement from anyone who reads this. I don’t expect many people to see this or read it all the way through, but I would like some thoughts. Or advice. Or any confirmation that I’m not the only one who’s experienced this. I just need at least one witness to my existence. Nobody I know follows me on here or even knows I have tumblr, so worst case scenario is that I have to delete this post because of some comments 🤷‍♀️. So what do I have to lose by finally making some of my feelings and thoughts public? This way it’s more anonymous

For a long time this loneliness was something I had to take pride in because if I didn’t I had to confront the realization that maybe no wanted me or wanted to be around me. But I’m getting too old for that and I’m tired. And the thought of being an actual pick me does scare me, because I’m also way too old for that. Hence why the topic triggers this thought process in me.

[bloomadoom]

More personal story time since there's so much gossip, A-------- doesn't come around anymore because we were having a fight about L------ whom I used to date and am still friends with, who's two best friends are literally my current roommates. We hadn't hooked up for two years by this point but A-------- still didn't trust her or me around her so she wanted me to cut ties, which we fought about a little but I did anyway because I wanted to show that I valued our relationship more. Then I felt bad about it later and it turns out L------ was having a bad time, losing her roommate and living alone not making any friends so I was helping her out with a few things like taking her to get groceries after her car broke down and stopping by her place for a few minutes after class to chat and I told A--------- that I was doing this, at first she thought L------ was ruining her life on purpose to manipulate me, but I told her I still wanted to be friends with L------ and that it wasn't a threat to our relationship in any way and A--------- figured that was okay. Until I thought it would be okay for L------ to come over to the house where I am roommates with her two best friends B---- and K----. So then we had a fight about that and we're taking a break for a week and I messed up my chance to get back together with her because I still had hurt feelings about her not trusting me, so then I'm waiting on something from her with my hurt feelings and she gets a boyfriend instead.

So then it's like eight months later and I had just got fucked up at B----'s birthday party and sucked his dick and I was just like "well that happened" and he wants more and I'm not feeling it but I don't really know what to tell him. But we're still friends and roomies so I'm hanging out in his room and K---- pops in the doorway and she's all ~omg so exciting!~ . And he's like feeling on my dick and stuff and nothings happening. So then later her and her boyfriend my friend J------- are on the couch in the living room and I'm walking through and he says "So what'd you break up with A--------- for?" and I just say "I have ED." meaning "not for this" assuming he was talking about B---- since I've already been obviously very depressed around everyone that A-------- is gone and saying that I miss her and I wish she would talk to me and I don't know what to do, and it's just weird to be asked this question specifically at this time while I'm like walking by instead of while we're hanging out.

So now me saying ED is like the most offensive thing ever, I mean he can't find my clit even though we both have dicks or whatever.

So anyway I still love you forever A---------, I'm sorry people now think I have to be on some binary of either being evilly sarcastic in order to hide us having a penis-centric relationship since you're my favorite person and you threw me away like an old dildo : ( or literally dickless when no she actually loves riding my cock into the sunset like I'm a pony thank you

...

Now the sarcasm police has to give me a hard time about me saying "don't call me dude" literally one time, I don't even care say dude all you want I was just already irritated at the time because instead of being happy for me that I'm not in the closet anymore we have to have "objective rational debates" about biology (I'm like a crocodile with the egg temperatures) and Your freedom of speech. Sorry I was like fuck you dude *at the time* because you're posting 🏳️‍⚧️ Love and Respect Trans People 🏳️‍⚧️ on Facebook because they're "still people" after saying sure these disgusting faggots can get their second asshole installed people can do whatever they want I don't have to call them women though, he's like they want to be women, rape em then, piss on em, I'm like I'm talking about me you dumb shit, like sorry that I exist and have feelings. Nice moral political social media presence. Like I have had these big issues since childhood I thought my close friends might care about and getting excited about more openly being my authentic self and y'all are like you don't get to be trans unless we make you and that means raping you. My bad.

Now it's "gender doesn't matter" actually I'm three decades old and a lesbian I live in a homophobic patriarchal society and have emotional gendered experiences as well as dysphoria and you don't get to define me for me or take credit for it.

My "inner" gender is a deep and silent personal relationship with the universe (which happens to include other women, most of which are straight), not a "symptom" or a "method." Now it's They is "finished" and They is "winning," whatever that means. If you don't care so much why don't you just drop it and leave me alone

I understand the concept of commodity fetishization but some people actually do have sexual feelings and experiences outside of their purchases already dickhead, people like you make communism terrifying actually because you're guilt-tripping rapists and shouldn't be trusted with anything. I have been raped over not being a ten-dollar whore and I hate you more. I can agree with you on some economic and structual issues without getting sucked into whatever godawful hivemind you're justifying sexual abuse with

[bratz-kitten]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS [part 5]

— people with jupiter in the 8th may experience an “abundance” of traumatic experiences throughout life, often relating to death; these are the people who truly feel like everyone they love ends up dying. at their worst, they can become desensitized to death— jupiter is ruled by sagittarius, a sign known for being in denial when in difficult situations in favor of optimism. these natives can pretend like nothing actually happened, or minimize the situation in their head so that they don’t have to face it.

— okay this might be a weird one... like, you know in asoiaf when arya was walking through the streets and was always like “i’m as quiet as a shadow”? that’s literally the energy of someone with planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house. these people are so stealthy. they’re able to move so quietly and without anyone noticing, both literally and figuratively. on one hand, they’re very quiet about their plans and ambitions to the point where other people only find out when they’re achieving success over it; on the other hand, they just. don’t like making noise while walking idk bitch you’ll only see me coming when i’m right beside you, i even get paranoid that i’m breathing too loud and that other people will hear 

— people with moon aspecting mars can be incredibly impulsive when they feel hurt or triggered. yall need to be careful with doing things in the heat of the moment that you know you’ll regret later... but in the moment, you feel so hurt that it clouds your rational side. please be more self-aware about this because you may make decisions that will directly affect you for the worse in the future 

— people with leo mars ft. constantly asking you for pictures... about anything. they just wanna SEE LMFAO THEY DON’T CARE WHAT IT IS THEY’RE SEEING. you just got ready to go out? “send pics of your makeup and your full outfit”. you’re waiting in a long boring line to get the covid vaccine? “send pics of the line”. your mom baked cake? “send pics of the cake”. plus they send so many random pictures while texting, it’s their special love language

— having moon conjunct moon/venus in synastry feels insane. you tell them something you’ve been through, and they’re immediately like “that happened with me as well.” it doesn’t even have to be something grand, sometimes just very specific things you thought were particular about you. the amount of understanding that comes with this aspect in synastry can feel very new and intense especially if you’re used to seeing yourself as the “odd one out”, used to feeling isolated in your experiences 

— people with pluto in the 1st house often feel the need to erase “traces” of their existence, for example deleting messages that they sent people, deleting all of their social media posts. they can feel anxious and paranoid about other people having access to their past self, even if the past self in question is from, like. a week ago 

— people with chiron in the water houses (4th/8th/12th) might’ve suffered bullying to the point where they repress their memories. a lot of their memories of their school years may feel foggy if they were bullied in those years

— also. people with chiron in the 8th house may feel as though they’ve been punished for wanting to experience intimacy. it’s like, the people who were supposed to be the closest to them – for example, their sibling or something – were the ones who hurt them the most. 

— people with mercury-neptune aspects and strong pisces/neptune energy in their birth chart might struggle with only remembering things when they’re right in front of them. you should keep things in your peripheral vision to remind you of reality, especially when it comes to feelings— so that you won’t start getting lost inside your own head. like... keep the letters your friends wrote you by your bedside table so you can read them every time your brain starts convincing you that you’re not loved. keep the gifts you’ve been sent on display in your bedroom wall, or sentimental material things that remind you of past happy experiences.

— earth placements and their thing for asmr... omfg. it’s like they’re always looking for things to up their sensory experience/sensitivity. like, earth signs are the ones most connected to worldly experiences so they feel so soothed with the whole asmr experience: just hearing someone gently whispering or tapping on/scratching things calms them down and helps them fall asleep. they love the tingles it’s heaven for them

— moon-saturn aspects might hold and caress themselves while they sleep because their parents never did. yes i woke up and chose violence <3 your secret is NOT safe with me 💋

— while we’re on the topic of sleeping, a majority of the pisces moons i know need to sleep while hugging something, at least a pillow. they can’t just not hug something while they sleep, it’s very instinctive for them. anyways if any pisces moon needs a pillow to hold, i volunteer as tribute 💋

— virgo placements feel sososo soothed by hearing their cats purr. thinking about how my virgo placement friends are always the ones who send me videos of them petting their cats... and then i get soothed by how soothed they feel. it’s a win win situation, if you have virgo placements it’s hereby your duty to send me a video of you petting your cat while they purr. right now. GO

— people with gemini in the 3rd house might have shaky movements of the hands when other people look at them doing things. very specific i know but the third house rules hands and gemini is a sign that has somewhat of an anxious, twitchy quality to it. on the other hand, people with capricorn in the 3rd house (scorpio risings, using whole signs) have the steadiest hands i’ve ever seen lol their movements ooze confidence, these bitches know how to make you feel as thought they know exactly what they’re doing

— people with venus in the 1st house ft. altering their pics with photoshop and hating posting selfies without filters because they never feel like their appearance is good enough. stop it. you don’t need to always look your best and especially not if your ‘best’ isn’t even what you actually look like. also... don’t even think about making self-deprecative jokes about your appearance. next time i find one of yall saying “ahaha im not bad for a 5 without talent” i’m squishing your head between 2 pieces of toast and calling you an idiot sandwich. you’re BEAUTIFUL 

— having venus in the 3rd house in composite with someone? do you mean calling each other the absolute ugliest nicknames in the most endearing way? 

— leo deals with themes of the ego, and it seems that leo placements often struggle with attracting narcissistic people into their life... leo suns/mercuries can be raised by loud, overbearing, narcissistic parents who see their kid as an extension of themselves and who teach the kid to always be very supportive and caring towards them or else they’ll deny them of words of affirmation-- either by insulting them to shatter their self-esteem or simply never complimenting the kid back. leo moons/mars/venus tend to attract narcissistic partners who only care about serving their own emotional needs and ignore the ones of their partner, and who feed off of their supportive and giving nature. which is why leo placements really need to watch out for being gullible, naïve and dismissing the red flags because my god, you be falling for some shady people. 

— people with personal planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house might feel like they can’t let go of their past life— they may dream of memories, people or places from another life. it’s like they can’t detach from it, and even if they can’t directly remember their past life, it’s like they feel it in their bones. also, they might’ve felt... estranged from their family ever since childhood; there may have been feelings of being unable to emotionally connect to their (often, distant) parents, and they might’ve even wondered if they were adopted because of how different they felt to the rest of the family. 

— okay so, a thing that people with saturn in the 3rd house need to look out for is mentally checking out of conversations while they’re still happening. these people can detect when they’re being manipulated really fast and their way of dealing with it can be to immediately shut down, to grow cold and silent and not even bother answering when you’re expected to respond. and, like, that’s great when someone starts screaming at you or being insulting/trying to coerce you into shit, but take notice if you find yourself shutting your loved ones out as soon as they say anything that triggers you. don’t simply detach from them, communicate what’s wrong

— aries placements, ESPECIALLY aries suns and moons, value generosity so much and they get so turned off by stingy ppl who don’t share with others, especially when others need it. like.. if you’re hanging out in a group with them and someone asks for a bite of your food because they have no money and you say no... espect them to never respect you. ever. 

— people with libra placements use soooo many adjectives to describe things. something can’t just be beautiful, it has to be DIVINE and CELESTIAL and INTOXICATING. they can be so expressive god it’s so fcking funny 

— capricorn placements HATE asking others for advice because they think no one knows better than them (and they’re not wrong, lol). when they truly care for someone, they might ask the person for advice simply as a sign that they respect, trust and value their judgement. even if they don’t plan on taking it LMFAO 

— people with mars in a water sign can have this terrible habit of expecting other people to guess what they want. and then they get passive agressive when you don’t instinctively feel what it is they want... and when you ask them “do you want this?”, they go like “FINALLY. i thought you’d never get there”. stop it. i know that you want people to understand you in a way that transcends words, but you can’t expect people to read your mind and then get disappointed when they don’t, thinking “oh if they loved me that much then they would’ve known that i really want chipotle for dinner :(” GIRL WHAT. COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS  

[barbi2709]

The party Night

Summary: You don’t really like partys, but you don’t hate them either, so why does that one had to be diferent?. Well, maybe because of the fact that your best friend is there acting more affectionate than normal with you. Oh, did I mention you like him?

Word count: 2.4K

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Disclaimer: This and each of my stories are only fiction and are not intended to offend or make anyone uncomfortable, if this type of content makes you uncomfortable, feel free to leave without resentment :]

Pairing: Bad boy Hyunjin x fem!reader

Genre: Fluff, childhood friends to lovers, little Stranger Things AU (Reader is Steve's twin)

Warnings: Mention of alcohol, drugs, smoking, and sex, swear words, kinda heated kiss (it's my first time writing something like that but this isn't a smut).

Note: Hiii, this is my fisrt time publishig here, also it’s my first time doing an idol x reader fic so I hope you like it. Also, english is not my first language so I apologize if there are any errors of any kind (I literally write the hole one shot on spanish and then use the google translator lmao, but I also chek every single part of the one shot to try to see any mistakes).

Also, if you could please like and repost my post you would make me so happy :]

Parties were not quite your style, seeing people smoking between cigarettes or illegal substances, drinking alcoholic drinks and seeing them do anything stupidity because of the effects of these, having your ears saturated with the high volume of music, people screaming, and not missing one or another moan of pleasure out there.

Your brother Steve had dragged you to the party along with his girlfriend Nancy, using the excuse that you had to have some fun since that's what boys did at that age, you still didn't want to go, but he didn't care, since he ended up taking you anyway, using the excuse that Hyunjin was going too so you could hang out.

As soon as they got to the house where the party would be, Steve and Nancy went to god knows where, leaving you alone and surrounded by hormonal guys under the influence of illegal substances for their age.

You let out a sigh and began to walk around the house, looking for your redheaded friend, you thought that his hair being a very striking color would make it easy to find.

To your misfortune, it wasn’t.

You let out a big sigh to find yourself in the middle of the house, being pushed from one side to the other by the people around you, anywhere in the house was more or less the same distance, and you were lazy enough not to want to return to where you were before.

Despite that, you turned around to go back to where you were initially, but a whistle made you stop, you turned to the place where the sound came from and finally you saw him, he was at one end of the house, leaning disinterestedly against the wall, a cigarette between his fingers and a smirk as soon as his eyes met yours.

You immediately went to where he was, once closer to him you managed to recognize the shirt he was wearing, "Hotter than your ex, better than your next". You both had chosen it once when he accompanied you shopping, as soon as you saw it the same thought invaded your minds.

His father will hate it.

And that's exactly why he bought it.

—At least tell me that what you're smoking is legal. —you said while leaning against the wall, right next to him, Hyunjin let out a small nasal laugh and returned the cigarette to his lips, gave him a little smoke and turned to see you with a smile.

—The substance is completely legal —you just rolled your eyes at his mocking tone—. The real smokers are right there. —He said as he moved his head to the side, pointing to several boys who were less than 2 meters away, you hit his shoulder when the characteristic smell of marijuana filled your nose. He was at that end of the house for a reason.

—Moron. —you grumbled as he let out a loud laughter, his distinctive laugh was like music to your ears, and the smile that graced his face every time he laughed was completely sublime.

You wouldn't tell him though.

Not yet.

Little by little he calmed down his laughter, until it finally ceased, but the smile that adorned his face remained intact, and shortly after he smoked the cigarette again, you looked at him carefully, admiring each one of his delicate features, and you were so focused on it that you almost jumped when you felt his arm around your shoulders, giving you a hug.

—But, if one of these touch your pretty lips, we're gonna have problems sweetheart. —he warned seriously as he brought his face dangerously close to yours, looking directly into your eyes, you slowly nod without breaking the eye contact, and his expression relaxed, leaving a sweet smirk on his face.

Hyunjin only separated a little, enough to give another smoke and that the smoke didn’t reach your face, and from one moment to the next, his sight deviated from you, looking towards some part of the crowd, you took advantage of his moment of distraction to admire him again, this time more carefully; but you came out of your thoughts as soon as you noticed that the song that was playing in the background had changed, and despite that, Hyunjin was still staring at the same point.

—Who are you looking at so intently? —you asked looking at him curiously, he just turned his eyes towards you, and then diverted it again to the crowd, you likewise directed your eyes in the direction in which he was looking, meeting a girl, a classmate of your generation, it was somewhat popular for being pretty, but nothing else stood out—. Oh Olivia Moore. —you said with a smile seeing her, Hyunjin smiled sideways, while he nodded his head, confirming that he was looking at her.

—She's hot. —he commented as he exhaled the cigarette smoke for the last time, before throwing it on the ground and stepping on the tagline.

—Yes, she is —you agreed looking at the girl, she was really pretty, and she had a great body, which stood out a lot because of the clothes she was wearing at the time, adding the way she moved her hips while she danced—. So?, What's your plan? Fuck her now or at the end? .—you asked monotonously, you wouldn't be surprised if that ended up happening, you knew Hyunjin too well, and when he wanted something he got it, besides having his glorious face, there were few girls who refused to spend a single moment with him.

—Whoa, you think that badly of me? —he ask with fake disappointment, you just raise an eyebrow at him—. I mean yeah, I'm that badly, but you're supposed to act like I'm not. —he says with a "God, that's obvious" tone, you just place your hand in one of your jackets pockets and take a little sachet, but it was a special one.

A condom, in more detail.

—Use it with wisdom. —you say sarcastically as you held it out to him, he took it and looked at you with a mischievous look.

—Why did you have this in your pocket?. — he asked confused, he knew you well enough to know that you weren't the type of girl to go to parties often, much less to look for one-night stands, so the fact that you had a condom in your pocket was confusing to him.

—Steve —you answered simply, shrugging your shoulders in disinterest—. "Without balloon there's no party", that's what the idiot said. —you told him rolling your eyes, the redhead couldn't help but blurt out another loud laguh, because it was definitely something Steve would do.

The boy put his arm around your shoulders again, hugging you again, the smell of cigarettes was noticeable, you disliked having that smell so present, but it was compensated by the fact of having Hyunjin that close. You had a crush on him since you were 14, even though he was the typical guy who got into fights almost daily, he skipped classes and started having nights of pleasure from a very young age. But despite that, he was very attentive to you, he always tried to show you the best side of him, plus he knew you wouldn't judge him no matter what, so you were always there for him, just like he was for you.

And you were happy and satisfied with that, maybe you wanted to be something more, but for now you weren't complaining.

—How about getting out of here? —he asked as he looked at you with a sweet smile, you looked at him confused by what he said—. C'mon Y/N, I know you aren't enjoying being here, so let's go, I'll take you home. —he said as he took you by the hand and led you to the door.

—But what about Oli-?.

—I wasn't planning on spending night with her. —he clarified as he continued walking, Hyunjin had more experience in parties, so he knew how to move quickly among people, making them arrive quickly at the exit of the house, they both left there, the change of environment was drastic, despite the fact that you could still hear the music coming from the house, just getting some fresh air and not seeing girls your age trying to take jobs away from strippers was reassuring.

You gave a big sigh as you left the place, Hyunjin turned to see you, smiling when he noticed how you relaxed being out of the place.

—That much you wanted to leave?. —he asked you without taking his eyes off you, taking the liberty of intertwining his fingers with yours, you just nodded.

—Don't you think my brother will get worried when he doesn't see me at the party?. —you asked looking at him, Hyunjin just shrugged his shoulders, not taking the matter very seriously.

After a while of walking, you finally reached your house, you opened the door and walked in being followed by Hyunjin.

—God, the party left me exhausted. —you sighed as you dropped into the couch in the living room, Hyunjin looked at you with an unbelievable expression.

—You were like 15 minutes there with me, what are you exhausted for?.

—It's your fault for being so close to the marijuana boys, that shit it's overwhelming for a novice. —Hyunjin let out several laughs at the nickname you had given them, shortly after he approached where you were and squatted to be more or less at the height of the couch.

—Well, I'm glad that you're a novice, princess.

—Sure, now, good night, leave whenever you want. —you said as you closed your eyes, Hyunjin blinked a few times at your sudden action, and rolled his eyes.

—You shouldn't sleep here on the couch, Y/N.

—Shut up and let me sleep —you groaned as you settled more comfortably on the couch, the boy clucked his tongue, and a few seconds later you felt him lift you off the couch, carrying you princess style—. What the hell Hyunjin?. —you asked looking at him, he just smiled at you angelically and started walking towards the stairs.

—I don't want you to hurt your back from sleeping on the couch. —he said as he started up the stairs.

—It's just one night, Jinnie. —you said quietly as you closed your eyes, although that action made you unable to see the smile that adorned the redhead's face when he heard you call him that.

—I don't fucking care, princess — he said as he entered your room, and then gently left you on the bed, while he sat on the edge of it, admiring you with his gaze, you noticed, and connected your eyes with his, dark brown eyes meeting (e/c) ones, he was fascinated with you—. You know, there's something I wanted to tell you, since a while actually.

—Well, say it then. —you answered with a sweet tone.

—I like you, Y/N. —he announced in a honeyed way while he smiled broadly, the tone in which he had said it was a serious one, like he really mean it, but you weren't sure about that, he had given you no sign that he saw you the same way you saw him.

—Sure, probably you are high, who knows how long you were close to the marijuana boys.

—Y/N, I'm not, I swear! —he exclaimed exaggeratedly as he lay down next to you, you only laughed at his tone, only you knew the side of him that acted like a tantrum 6 year old; Hyunjin being closer to you made you look into his eyes, and you witnessed how his pupils were completely normal, you could tell since you had seen him in all possible states, and right now he was in pure sobriety —. I'm not lying. —he clarified, his eyes darting from your eyes to your lips constantly and repeatedly.

You could n't help but blush intensely at his words from him, you wanted to scream for hearing those words coming out of his mouth from him.

He likes you back.

He fucking likes you back.

—I could never lie to you. —he says in a soft murmur, almost whispering, holding your face with both of his hands, he starts to get dangerously close to your face, but he didn't dare to touch your lips, giving you only one chance to back away if you wished.

But you didn't.

Of course you didn't.

And without waiting any longer, you felt his lips on yours almost instantly. He brush his lips in yours, slowly and gently, being as delicate as possible, he had a rhythm that you could easily follow; His hands went to your waist, and he pulled you to him without warning, making you gasp.

The feeling was amazing, his soft lips had a taste that you didn't know before, but it was addictive, you almost thought you could get high. Your hands that previously rested on his chest now encircled his neck, as you ran your fingers through his long hair, and you felt how he melted into your touch.

Without breaking the kiss, the redhead positioned himself on top of you, one of his knees between your legs, and the simple rice made you let out a soft moan, and Hyunjin couldn't help but smile into the kiss.

He press your clit once again, teasing you, this time you let out a soft whimper, but in revenge you bite his bottom lip, and now it was his turn to moan, a mocking smile appeared in your lips, and he couldn't help but laugh and peck your lips one last time.

—Do you believe me now?. —he asked leaning back next to you, taking your hand and leaving a tender kiss on your knuckles.

—I like you too Hyunjin. —you said smiling as you intertwined your fingers with his, Hyunjin hug you, making you rest your head on his chest, while leaving caresses on your back.

—I'm glad —he says in a murmur, not hiding his beautiful smile—. It was a nice kiss though.

—Right… Well… I’m not sure how we ended up kissing like that… —you admitted with your face burning because of your shyness, Hyunjin let out a loud laguh because of the tone you used, he thought you were just too cute.

You settled into your bed, getting ready to sleep, and in a matter of minutes you were completely asleep, while cuddling him.

This was the best party night that you could ever have.