#anyway that’s literally my wife if he looked at me like that i’m passing out on the ground

[daeholuvs]

“All I Ever Wanted” Cho Sang-Woo x fem!reader

hey so… no one make fun of my writing skills it has been a LONGGGGGG time. I will probably end up deleting this (i definitely will) i just love sang-woo and needed this imagine to come to life. Anyway guys pleak don’t make fun of me bc I will probably go into hiding 😊😊 A girl can only take so much criticism, also if ANYONE has done this creds to them!!!!! I just thought of this last night and I #needthat

There you stood. Happy, sad, excited, confused? Scared. You were scared. Your eyes fixated on the sight before you, a positive pregnancy test. You were late and that never happens so you bought a test to be sure . What if Sang-Woo isn’t ready for a baby? What if he isn’t excited? What if he doesn’t want to be a father? Your thoughts were soon interrupted when you heard the angelic voice of your loving husband.

“Y/N, sweetheart I’m home!”

You came downstairs and Sang-Woo pulled you into a warm hug and planted a sweet kiss to your lips, the kind of kiss that makes you feel like a silly high school girl.

He started to remove his coat as he spoke “You would not believe the kind of day I had. First my meeting with the board went wrong all because some intern spilled coffee on-“ he cut himself off as he noticed that you weren’t your optimistic self, you didn’t chime in as you normally would . He scanned your face as if he could read your mind, trying to solve the puzzles in your head.

“Y/N, baby, talk to me” he waved a hand in your face and you came out of your daze seeing a very concerned Sang-Woo looking back at you. You brushed him off and told him to continue his story.

About an hour has passed and you decided to start preparing dinner to ease your mind. As you were stirring the pot you felt a warm embrace come from behind you. Your adoring husband pulled you into a hug from behind.

He left soft kisses in the crook of your neck and whispered sweet nothings to you as he nibbled on your ear.

You both ate dinner with an awkward silence taking possession of the room. He still noticed something was bothering you, but he didn’t want to push your buttons so the silence continued.

As you both finished washing the dishes, Sang-Woo excused himself to go wash up. He began to wash up but he noticed a foreign object lying underneath his wife’s old hand towel.

As curious as he is, he tossed the towel aside and discovered the pregnancy test. He stared in awe, daydreaming about fatherhood, about how beautiful you would look during your pregnancy, about how much he would love his future daughter or son.

He slipped the test into his pocket and called out your name.

“Coming, I’m just putting away our glasses” and with that you walked up into your bedroom. Sang-Woo sat at the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to him, signalling for you to join him.

Without another word he placed the test into your hand and smiled at you. You felt your stomach drop. Anxious thoughts overtaking this intimate moment.

“Sang-Woo I was going to tell you I swear! I only found out today and I didn’t know how to tell you. I promise I wasn’t trying to hide this from you. I didn’t know if you would be mad or happy or-“

Your nervous rambling was cut short when a soft chuckle erupted from your husband’s chest. He continued to laugh at your cuteness. “Honey why would I be mad” he started to trace patterns your thigh soothingly.

“It’s just we’ve only been married a year and you’re so busy with your job, I just- I didn’t want to distract you from your career”

“Oh Y/N, a family with you is all I ever dreamed of. I can picture it now; me and you attending our children’s soccer games, science fairs, ballet recitals, graduations, weddings, and literally any event because our children will be little overachievers like me” You giggled at his last statement “All I ever wanted was to start a family with the woman of my dreams and here we are. I could never be mad about this”

You couldn’t help but become emotional after your husband’s words. Tears formed in your eyes and you smiled. You both got ready for bed early, deciding the only important thing was to prepare for your little bundle of joy. Sang-Woo even went as far as booking a doctor’s appointment for you first thing in the morning. You continued to discuss your future with your baby and couldn’t be more excited.

[wishchip106]

imagine being Logan having a relationship built on respect and platonic love for a man you see somewhat as a father and a mentor

and then when you travel back in time and his younger self looks at you like this

i’d be done for 🫡

he’s going on the list

Erik is GREEDY keeping this all to himself 😾😒

[heavyhitterheaux]

Wife and Mother To Be

Synopsis: While you and Joe are shopping for a friend's baby shower, he has a realization about his future with you.

Pairing: Joe Burrow x Girlfriend!Reader

Requested by @hoodharlow 😘💕

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Standing in the baby section of Target and holding up two different onesies to compare them, your phone started to vibrate in the back pocket of your jeans. Placing one of them across your arm, you pulled your phone out to answer it and was greeted by a frantic boyfriend.

“Baby! Where did you run off to this time? You said we were coming in here for toothpaste and face masks. Next thing I know, I turn around and my girlfriend is missing! Are you at Starbucks again?! You ALWAYS do this when we come in here.” You heard your boyfriend say as you picked up and didn't wait for a proper greeting.

“You were literally standing there for fifteen minutes comparing different ones so I walked away. I'm in the baby section looking at clothes. And no, I already went to Starbucks and my drink is gone so I'll need to make another stop before we leave.”

“No, no, and no. I am literally taking you to lunch so no more stops and wait a minute, why are you in the baby section? Is there something you need to tell me?” Joe asked and you immediately rolled your eyes.

“For Gabby! Her baby shower is tomorrow, remember? Just come over here and help me pick things out for her.”

“Oh, right. Be right there, I'm walking over now.”

It was another two minutes when you saw Joe coming towards you and he greeted you by placing a soft kiss on your lips.

“Wait a minute, why do you have a cart? We got a basket when we came in here. What did you plan on buying her? The entire section? Am I paying for this?”

“Joseph, will you relax!? I'm just getting her a few things and then we can go eat. Now what do you think about these?” You asked as you held up the same two onesies to show him.

“Hmm, what is she having again?” Joe asked as he was looking at both of them.

“A girl, Joe. Both of these are pink.”

“So? What's your point? I wear pink too.”

“But not something that says princess on it!” You responded to him as you laughed.

“At least not yet anyway and I like both of them.”

“Okay good. Both it is and I’m ignoring you.”

“I should ignore you for leaving me by myself.”

“Oh, that's right. I forgot that you need supervision all the time.”

“No, that's you. I'm a responsible adult. You're the one who comes in here for one thing when you tell me you'll be back in twenty minutes but an hour goes by and you're nowhere to be found.”

“And you use whatever I bring back home so you benefit from it so I don’t want to hear it.” You told him with a smirk and now it was Joe’s turn to roll his eyes.

“Come on and help me. Sooner we finish, the sooner we get food and go home.” You told him and he quickly agreed as he started browsing the baby toys.

Before you knew it, another thirty minutes had passed by and the two of you had a cart full of different things for Gabby. You were satisfied with how much you had gotten, but Joe was still browsing.

“Babe, come on. This should be enough.” You told him as you came up behind and wrapped your arms around him as he was now comparing two different diaper brands and you suddenly got a flashback to the toothpaste situation.

“You can never have enough diapers though, right?”

“Sweetheart, we got her four packs already.”

“Yeah, but are those really the best ones? I think that these might be better in case she has a blow out. My nephew did that to me and I still have PTSD. Therapy was needed after that.” Joe told you as he put the other diapers back and you couldn't help but to laugh.

“Not funny, babe. I didn't realize how much shit could come out of someone so little.”

“It is funny, Joseph and I wish I was there to be able to see your face when it happened.”

“Keep going and I'm not feeding you.” Joe told you as he put the diapers you had gotten in the cart back and replaced them with the brand that he wanted.

“But, I need energy in order to ride you later.” You replied and Joe immediately turned a bright shade of red as you began to laugh.

“BABE!”

“What? What'd I say?”

“You know what you said. Come on so we can go.”

Later on that night you were sitting on the middle of the floor in your shared bedroom with Joe when he walked in to see what you were doing.

“You run away from me in Target and at home. Did I do something?” Joe playfully asked as he sat across from you and began to help you wrap the gifts for Gabby.

“Nothing at all, Joey. Doing this so I can spend the rest of the night cuddling my amazing boyfriend whom I love to the moon and back.”

“Just the moon, not further?”

“Well we aren't going to the sun unless we want to burn to a crisp so yeah the moon.”

“I'll take it.”

You were folding the onesies when Joe was simply admiring you. Before he could stop himself, he blurted it out.

“When are we going to have one?” He asked and your mouth instantly hit the floor, but you tried to compose yourself.

“Um, have a what?” You asked clearly flustered and Joe simply laughed.

“You know what I mean.” Joe responded as he pulled you to sit in his lap as he kissed the top of your head while his arms wrapped around you.

“You want a baby? With me?” You asked with your voice dripping with uncertainty.

“I want everything with you. I thought that much was obvious. And not just one baby, multiple.” He answered and you turned around to look at him.

“You're serious?”

“I love you and I'm as serious as a heart attack.”

“Well you low key just gave me one.” You muttered against his chest and he laughed.

“Don't you want that with me?”

“Of course I do. I want nothing more than to make it a reality. I just didn't really know how to tell you or if you were ready. I mean you are literally at the peak of your career.”

“Baby, you can tell me anything and everything. You know that. And so what? If this is something that we both want, we're going to make it work.”

“You're not messing with me?”

“Now, why would I do that? I want to make you my wife too whenever that time comes. Mrs. Sheisty has a nice ring to it, don't you think?”

Now it was your turn to shy away and hide in his chest and all he did was laugh.

“In that case, I can't wait for you and our daughter to have matching pink outfits.”

“Oh, so you want a girl first?”

“Of course, girls run the world and she is going to have you wrapped around her little finger just like I do now.” You told him as you poked his nose.

“If that's the case, you want to get started? I heard that making the baby is the fun part.”

[thefrontmanscockwarmer]

My Lovely

Player 001 x reader [Fluff]

Masterlist <- Comment on this post to be added to the tag list

You had an expensive day, to say the least. You were tired, walking around and carrying all your bags. You chose not to bring a guard along with you, it wasn’t’t like you were a celebrity or high profile. In fact, you could guarantee that no one knew who you were, only the fact that you were a big spender. But, you knew better than to assume that your darling husband would let you off the island without some form of protection around you.

When you first met In Ho and you walked around, you heard him say it once; that you were literally the safest person in the world in that present moment. You knew for a fact that if he said that while you were walking through Seoul with him, then walking alone… security was tighter than ever.

“Babe!” You shouted. You walked into the empty room. You dropped your bags, the others would be brought up within the next 5 minutes. Not a single one of those masked men on the island dare to keep you waiting, disappoint, or frustrate you. They’d rather die than face the monster out wrath of your husband, their boss, the Front Man. You thought it a good idea to soak in the tub, to wash away the smell of being outdoors.

You could admit, you were spoiled, probably treated better than any form of royalty, and you knew it. You heard the door to your room open, not bothering to call out to your husband. You laid for an hour longer before getting out and drying off with a fresh towel. You did your skincare routine earlier than usual, but you didn’t plan on going anywhere. Slipping your robe on and loosely tying it, you walked into the grand bedroom.

In Ho was no where to be found. You ventured further into your enormous room before seeing him settled in front of large screen tv, in his large black chair, pouring a glass of bourbon. Today’s game was playing in front of him,

“Dalgona” you say, from behind him. “Who picked that?’ You snorted.

“I cannot for the life of me remember which one of those game squares sugg- oh, you know what, it was il nam who did” he said not turning towards.

“Honey, haven’t I asked you not to watch that wretched game on the screen while I’m home?” You ask floating to his side, curling into his outreached hand.

“Yes, my lovely, you have” he said, clicking it off. He pulled you into his lap. “How was your day, gorgeous?”

“It was good. I went to all of my favorite little market shops, I picked up some more soaps for us. I was running out so bought us both some. Some magazines, and I ran into the recruiter today. He sends his wishes.” You said. “And the malls, until I got tired then I drove back to the ferry to be brought back.” You smile.

“That smile tells me my bank statement has something that tells you bought something you didn’t consult me over” he smiles at you. You shake your head. “(Y/n)?” In Ho drawled out tauntingly.

“Nothing I promise” you say quickly.

“Then, (y/n), who is this?” He pulls a sleeping kitten from beside him. You were busted.

“Oh baby, just look at him!” You squealed, with excitement. “I couldn’t help myself, and he was the only one!” You tried to defend yourself.

“I’m not upset, and he is quite adorable.” He agrees as he hands your newly adopted kitten to you. “What did you decide to name him?”

“I want you to help me decide”

“Oh, so, I do have say in the matter!” Your husband exclaimed. “How about Wiseuki?”

“I think it’s perfect!” You say holding the kitten.

“What breed is he anyways? He looks like a leopard or a jaguar” In Ho says.

“He’s a Bengal cat… or so the lady said.” You reply. “I’m getting tired, join me?” You ask.

“Why would I pass up the opportunity to sleep with my wife?” In Ho asks, not really looking for an answer. “I fed him already, by the way” he said. You look at him sharply. “I read the instructions, made sure I did everything right. His bed it set up, litter box in that far corner”

“You did everything!” You say happily, setting the kitten on his bed. “The woman says he’s already potty trained” you add.

“Oh good” In Ho says picking you up and twirling you around before laying you on your bed. You giggles slowly dying out.

“So, how was your day ?” You ask him as he undoes his long leather coat.

“Oh god. Il nam, is stressing me out. I mean, that man’s ode to dying is crazy. On his death bed and he chooses to join his own games, granted he has the immunity from death but how are we supposed to cover every game?” He says, he walks into the bathroom to brush his teeth, “I just don’t get it, and his guests arrive in just a few days and there’s just more responsibility placed on me that I don’t really want” In Ho gets into bed next to you.

“I’m so sorry baby” you reply cuddling up to him.

“It’s okay, laying here with you at the end of it all makes it all worth it. Keeping you happy, being able to just live how we do but are reminded I am just a man that loves his wife and just wants to be with her at night.”

“I love you” you say kissing his chest.

“I love you, more” he kisses your forehead. Sighing heavily as he relaxed. Holding you close to him and entangling his legs with yours. “I love you more.

[descendantsramblings]

Hi! I literally LOVED your morgie fic! I was just wondering if I could maybe request something like the siren scene from sinbad where reader is sailing with hook and his crew and they all become like entranced by the sirens and reader saves the day and at the end hook is like super proud of her? Sorry if that made like no sense😭

Ahh! I won’t lie I’ve never seen Sinbad so I had to go watch the scene but now I’m gonna have to watch the whole movie. I’m taking some creative liberties obviously to avoid making this toooo much like the movie but I literally LOVE the concept of this. Also, I made the reader Harry’s mom in the future, I hope that’s okay but I wanted to make a fic of them reminiscing when Hook sells the Jolly Roger to Uma anyway so I kinda used this as a “two birds one stone” situation. You made perfect sense, Baby, don’t you worry!

Also!! I saw that crowpickingss also got a very similar request and i didn't read his yet because I was scared of accidently getting inspiration from it, just to be clear.

Call of the Sirens

Captain James Hook x Pirate!Reader

Pronouns Used: she/her/hers

Summary: Hook and his wife retell the tale of when she saved a whole pirate crew from the song of sirens.

Warnings: a touch of swearing, the pirate crew is a little sexist to the reader, sirens are their own warning around these parts, death mentions but mainly in passing, concubine mention, pet names but with my writing that's basically a given, underage alcohol mention

Word Count: 2.2K

     “I just can’t believe you’re selling the old girl,” she shakes her head as she speaks, looking over the ship she’d loved so much in her youth. The body of mighty oak and rope that held the hand of her wanderlust way of life until it landed her behind the barrier of the Isle, deeming her one of the lost simply by being in the Captain’s crew. (Y/n) loved being a pirate, the salty spray that seemed to constantly coat her skin and hair, the rum and laughter on warm nights, the adrenaline rush when something would begin to go wrong. Everything about being a member of the Jolly Roger’s crew set her heart on fire. Even if it did get her deemed a villain, it gave her more than life outside the barrier ever could. 

    “Darling, she’s run her course with us,” he sighs, strutting across the deck to lovingly cradle his wife’s face, “Time for her to host a new set of teenager’s wanderlust egos has come so we can grow old together.” She looks over his shoulder as her son and his two best friends inspect the ship, the niece of their old dear friend seeming to glow as she studied the old body of the boat. “I’m surely going to miss this boat, she was too good to us.” He hums, shaking his head as he can’t fight the smile that threatens his features, “She got us into a world of trouble.” The comment leads the teenagers closer to them, Harry leading as he gets closer to his parents. “That’s not fair and you know it,” (Y/n) shakes her head as she raises a finger to tap against his nose, “You got us into all that trouble, not the Jolly Roger.” “If I remember right,”  he dips her down, smirking down at the glare of the sun on her face, “You seemed to be the one getting us out of it. A right hero you were, aye?” 

      Harry cringes as his father leans down to place a teasing kiss on his mother’s lips, letting out a forced gag that anyone who knew the Hooks would know was playful. “Sounds like Mom was the Captain then.” It causes Hook’s head to snap up, glaring daggers at his son. “I’m the captain, I will always be the Captain. Your mother was just the best under pressure.” She laughs, standing back up and walking to her son, brushing off his shoulders and fixing his collar as she speaks, “I wasn’t even first mate, your father would’ve never let me in on the action by choice. But someone had to keep an even mind on the old girl, you wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t. The two of us would’ve been well past dead before we even turned eighteen.” She shoots a look back at her husband, taking in the adoring look on his face as he watches the two of them, “Especially that one.” 

     “Had I not been so scared to lose her, she would’ve made a fine first mate,” his hook slinks around her waist, looping into a belt loop as he kisses her cheek. “You threatened it once.” “Aye,” he turns his attention to his son and his friends, truly making a show of the exchange, “I’ve never been so proud of her. Saved me and our whole crew.” Harry nods, looking between them, “So the day that I was born would be second?” Hook waves his good hand, “Third.” It catches him a swat to the chest, leading him to chuckle. “Darling, tell them about the sirens.” 

   “Sirens? You faced sirens?” Uma stares at the woman as if she’s the coolest thing on the seven seas, wide eyes aglow with excitement, “No one faces sirens and lives to tell the tale.” The woman smiles, shaking her head, “We wouldn’t have, if the siren song worked on women, or dogs.” “Dogs?” Harry looks at her with confusion, “We used to have a dog?” “I used to have a dog, Cocktail. He was the best dog a girl could’ve had, bless him. They took him from me when we got put on the Isle.” The kids watch her intently, each taking a seat on the deck like dominos falling in a line “Well, get on with it Momma.” 

                                  🪼⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🪼⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🪼⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🪼

     Caves were never her thing. Open waters, lagoons, abandoned islands, she’d take anything over sailing through caves. “James,” her voice is soft as she approaches him, hand slipping onto the steering Captain’s shoulder, “You know how I feel about caves.” She hated to sound whiny, weak. She gave the crew enough reason to think she didn’t belong there. Certain members of the crew even spoke to her as if she was nothing more than James’ concubine. But caves had an evil air to them that the girl couldn’t stand. Nothing good ever came from one, and she was positive that one of these days one would crash in on them. The unstable caverns tended to do so to overzealous explorers.

      “Yeah, Captain, you know she’s too much of a scaredy cat to go through a cave. She’s gotta whine the whole time, in case it gets her,” Starkey teases, rolling his eyes before turning back to his conversation with Turk. She glares daggers at him; next time Tick tock came by she wouldn’t think twice about tossing his brutish ass overboard. Let the creature have him instead of the captain. “It’s just the fastest route, Darling. We’ll be out of here in no time,” he pays no mind to his crew as he addresses her worries, sending her a cocky grin over his shoulder. She sighs, giving him a nod as she goes back to her previous seat on the deck of the ship, Cocktail resting his head back on her thigh as she did. Her hand finds its way to the top of his head, nails scratching gently against his skin as she tries to think of anything but how uncanny the cave was. With its muggy atmosphere and dark edges. Rigid calcium buildups hanging from the ceiling with sharp rocks jutting out the water. The air around her smelt dank and the dripping of water from the ceiling's build ups coupled with the odd harmony that hung in the air was enough to drive her insane. 

      The harmony? Since when did caves have their own harmonies? What is that sound?

She gets up to head back over to her lover, Cocktail hot on her heels as she does. “Aye, Captain?” He hums, seemingly not paying attention to her. “Do you hear that? There’s something off about this cave.” She waited for another snarky comment to come from the rest of the crew but nothing does. Carefully, as her hand finds its foundation on James’ shoulder, her eyes scan the deck. Every man on the ship seemed to stare off, a strange haze taking over their faces. Cocktail begins to bark at her side, nose pointed at the edge of the ship in alert.  She looks back to James, the same haze over his face, hand losing the grip he had on the steering wheel. Something about this place was entirely wrong; cursed. That’s what it was, there was some sort of black magic that hung in the air around the place. She just couldn't quite put her finger on what it was.

    (Y/n) grabs hold of the steering wheel, holding it steady as she looks around in the water. Faint ripples and flashes of large black and deep violet tails. The melody began to make sense, and she took a moment to wonder how the group had been lucky enough to avoid the creatures until now. Never the wisest in their adventures. Seems it was catching up to them now. 

   “Captain,” she bumps his hip with hers as she speaks, earning no response from his statuesque form. “James,” her fingers snap in his face, not stirring so much as a blink from the boy. “Mr. Smee?” He’s looking over the edge of the ship, blowing a kiss to one of the creatures in the water. “Starkey? Tusk?” Nothing, they were all entranced. Everything had to fall on her now, the realization of it all making her stomach feel as if it was in her throat. Heart beating so loud that it sounds like cannon fire between her ears as she pushes James off of his post. Lip between her teeth as she catches the wheel again, attempting to pull it steady from the way his body weight had swung it right. 

    Water splashes over the sides of the deck from where the sirens beckon to her crew,  the men heading further to the edge as they do. She was losing them, and Hades as her witness (Y/n) was not ready to lose the crew that she’d learned to see as her own twisted form of a family. She leans down as far as she’ll allow herself to, “Cocktail, baby, you're going to have to help me here.” Her fingers grasp around a rope, tossing it to her beloved pet, “Go 'round the deck.” The mastiff takes off, dashing forward with the rope clenched between his teeth, wrapping the crew up in the harsh lead. It was rough, surely something that would catch her hell later, but it was tight enough to stop them. “Good boy, my god, you’re such a good boy.” She calls, focusing her energy back onto steering the ship. She could see the exit of the dreadful dugout now and if she could just avoid the rock to her left they’d be out free. Sirens hated the daylight, thank Merlin she’d remembered to attend class that day. 

     As she focuses on steering she notices the rise of something maroon in the corner of her eye. James making his way to the edge of the ship, the song getting louder as the siren realized she’d soon have control of the ship’s Captain. And (Y/n), unsure whether it be from love or jealousy, could not let that happen. “Cocktail,” her voice is stressed and jagged, catching the dog’s attention as his head tilts. “Go get Hook!” The large ball of fur barrels forward, entrapping the man’s good arm between his jaws. It solicits a sharp gasp from the pirate, Hook attempting to rip his arm from the dog’s mouth with little success as he tries to reach forwards for the dreadful creature calling out to him. Instead, Cocktail throws his head back, sending the boy stumbling into (Y/n). His lips crash against hers but it’s not right. Sloppy and hazy, like a kiss after a few too many drinks. If only true love’s kiss could work on a siren’s song, she’d have help instead of his dead weight pressed against her. It makes her feel uneasy, shoving her boyfriend off of her as she attempts to regain control of the wheel he’d knocked astray yet again. Just a few hundred more feet and one ugly jagged rock until she’d be far enough into the light that the creatures would lose their control on her ship’s crew. She was almost there. 

     What (Y/n) had no way of knowing  was that there would be a waterfall at the end of the cave. The girl making it all the way to the edge just to plummet to the lower seas. Body being thrown to the ground and on top of the captain's, holding her breath as she waits for the worst. The way their bodies all slam back into the deck as the ship’s hull hits the water again seems to stir something in the crew. Hook sitting back up with a firm grip settling on her, hand ghosting over her cheek. “What the hell happened?” She only laughs, grabbing his face and kissing him as if she was never coming up for air. (Y/n) could feel the stress melt from her shoulders as she leaned further into the boy’s lips, near whining against them. He’s the first to pull back, brows furrowed as he stares into her eyes. “My love, what happened.” She shakes her head, “You drove us into a siren’s lair is what happened,” a soft slap falls to his chest, “No more caves.” Each word is said as if it's punctuated, an accusatory finger hitting his chest as she says them.

     “I hate to agree with the girl,” Starkey sighs, attempting to undo the rope around him and the rest of the crew, “But no more caves, Captain.” The statement is followed by the rest of the crew, each member seeming to suddenly share the girl’s hatred of caves. “Alright alright,” he pushes her off his lap to stand as Cocktail makes his way over to his owner. “No more caves. Though,” he looks around his ship, nodding in approval, “It seems you may have a rival for first mate, Smee. My girl did a darling job of taking care of my ship and my crew, look at this.” He looks to her with a genuine smile before leaning down to untie his crew, “A marvelous job, Darling.” Starkey glares at the Captain, a breath of jealousy in his eyes, “Says the man who doesn’t currently have rope burn.” The comment earns him a hook under his chin, Hook’s eyes squinting as they look into his own, “I’d watch your mouth matey. Seems to me that she just saved your life.” 

[gennyanydots]

Forced to go to the strip club

Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x spitfire!wife

Part of the “Spitfire Universe”

Not necessary to read the other parts but helpful.

Summary: It’s Bob’s bachelor party and their babysitter cannot handle them. Reinforcements must be called in. Reinforcements are sleepy.

“Hello?” You say as you answer the phone sleepily. Who the fuck would be calling at this time? What time was it anyway? You went to bed way later than normal and you feel like you were pretty asleep so it’s got to at least be 2 in the morning or something.

“Is this Mrs. Hangman?” A male voice, that you don’t recognize, on the other line asks. You laugh at that. You didn’t realize when you married Jake you were actually gaining two new names instead of one. You were expecting Jake to be the one calling since his name came up on your phone when you looked for half a second before answering. Whoever this is must have gotten a hold of Jake’s phone somehow.

“Yes, this is she,” you say with a yawn.

“Hi, umm, this is Bob’s cousin. I was the designated babysitter tonight and umm I was told well uhhhh,” the man trails off, clearly trying to figure out how to describe whatever is happening to you.

“You were told what?” You ask. Tonight was Bob’s bachelor party. You figured that the squad would be getting into some sort of shenanigans, hence the need for a babysitter. You specifically didn’t ask any questions. You didn’t want to know. You also didn’t want to have to answer questions when you went out for the bachelorette party tomorrow night. So you knew literally nothing about what your husband and his friends were doing. Bob’s wife to be had come over along with Natasha and the three of you spent the evening watching trashy tv shows together while painting your nails and doing face masks to look your best for the tomorrow night. A girls night in before the girls night out. Plus, someone had to stay home with Eli and Radar. Jake’s on kids duty tomorrow.

The three of you ended up going to bed around midnight, way past your normal bedtime. Natasha passed out first on your couch before you lead Bob’s girl upstairs to the guest bedroom. Usually you try to go to bed at the same time as your son, you feel like you should have tonight since you knew he’d be up at 5 just like normal, only you would be the one getting up with him instead of Jake. You were not looking forward to that. Damn your husband for his early morning runs. You wish you would have taken Penny up on her offer to watch Eli tonight for you so you could have a stress free night in and a nice morning to sleep in tomorrow so you’re well rested for the fun.

“ Umm, you see, Bob told me earlier that if I uhh couldn’t umm,” the man trails off again. How long does this man expect this conversation to last? You have sleeping to do and you’re moving past being annoyed straight into being pissed off at this man.

You roll your eyes and huff, “Give the phone to Rooster.” You figure Bob’s cousin wouldn’t know who Bradley was if you used his real name. Bradley’s the easiest to distinguish from everyone else. Easy to spot.

“I don’t remember which one that is,” the man replies. Of course he didn’t. That would have been too easy for you.

You sigh, why did it have to be your husband doing something dumb, “Hawaiian shirt.”

“He’s drunk.” At a bachelor party? Shocking. You would have never guessed. You’re gonna lose it on this man. You really are.

“Yeah, I’m sure he is. He’ll at least tell me what’s going on without pussyfooting around so please hand the phone to the very tall man with a mustache wearing the obnoxious shirt before I start yelling at you and wake up my baby,” you say, very quickly losing your patience.

“Yes ma’am,” he says before you hear the background noise get louder until you hear Bradley say, “Why are you handing me a phone? I have my phone. It’s not mine!” to Bob’s cousin and then some mumbling.

Finally you hear Bradley say, “Hello?”

“Bradley,” you say.

“Hey! Hangman’s been talking about you! Hey Hangman! It’s your wife! Hi hangman’s wife. How are you? We miss you!” Bradley says, all a little too loudly.

You laugh, “Hi Bradley. I’m good. How are you? Miss you too.”

“I’m so good. I’m having so much fun. Not as much fun as your husband though.”

“How much fun is he having?” You ask.

“So much fun,” Bradley says laughing.

You roll your eyes, at least you’re getting farther than you had with Bob’s cousin. Bradley is at least answering you, “What’s he doing? Where are you guys?”

“He’s dancing on the stripper pole! Very badly. He’s bad at this. I’m sorry your husband can’t dance. I’ll teach him if you want. I’m surprised Coyote’s best friend is this bad at dancing,” Bradley says. You’re starting to hear a slur to his voice.

“It’s okay. He’s usually better when he’s not drunk like that,” you explain.

“He’s really, really drunk, me too, but he’s like bad really drunk. If he spins much more he’s gonna throw up. Gross. I don’t want to see that. We should have someone come get him,” Bradley says then you hear him gasp, “I should call his wife! She’ll come get him.”

You shake your head as you listen to him and wonder exactly how much alcohol is in his system, “I’ll come get him.”

“Oh my God did I call you with my mind?! I don’t remember calling you! I’m magic! I knew it!” Bradley says, excitedly.

“Sure Bradley, you’re magic. I need you to text me where you are so I can come get him, okay?” You ask.

“Okay. I gotta use my phone. This isn’t my phone. I don’t even know whose it is. The background is you and your son. Weird. That’s creepy. Honey, I think you have a stalker. I’ll protect you. Don’t worry. Nobody will get you or Eli on my watch. Uncle Rooster will protect you both!”

“My hero,” you say and yawn again. “Okay, Bradley take out your phone.”

You hear shuffling and then hear, “Okay. Done.”

“Good job. Now I need you to share your location with me.”

You hear a few taps then receive a notification from his phone then hear, “Boom! Crushed it!”

You laugh then smile, “Perfect. You did so good, Bradley. So proud. I’ll see you soon, okay? Don’t leave, none of you, until I get there. That poor man Bob put in charge did not sound like he had you all under control. Lord knows you’re all a handful and a half. Bye Bradley.”

“Bye bye!”

You hang up and stretch your arms over your head. This isn’t what you wanted to be doing. You wanted to sleep. You don’t want to go to a strip club to corral a group of drunk men, including your husband, and get them all to leave. This wasn’t your job. You weren’t on Dagger duty, and yet, here you were pulling on a pair of sweatpants and throwing on a sweatshirt to get in the car. Why wasn’t Pete babysitting? Unless he’s also there and drunk off his ass. Or maybe he’s sick of them after being with them all week and instead stayed home for some peace and quiet. Smart man.

You tiptoe into the guest bedroom and quickly but quietly wake the soon to be Mrs. Floyd to let her know what was happening. You couldn’t see well in the dark but you’re sure she rolled her eyes at the situation then held her hand out for the baby monitor. Thank goodness for friends who get it. You handed it to her with a quiet, “Thanks, I’ll be back soon! Hopefully.” before you quietly went down the stairs and slipped your feet into some flip flops.

You just grabbed your keys and wallet and stuck them in your hoodie pocket along with your phone. It felt weird not taking a diaper bag with you for once. You quietly went into your garage and open the door to get your car out. You really hope the noise doesn’t wake up Eli or Natasha who had still been snoring on the couch. You grab some water bottles from the garage fridge and toss them onto the front passenger seat as you get in your car and soon you’re on your way to the strip club. Thankfully it was only about 15 minutes from your house so it doesn’t take long for you to get there.

You park your car and climb out then head to the door. The bouncer looks at you funny but doesn’t question you as you hand him your ID. He checks it and hands it back as he tells you to have fun. You roll your eyes. Does it look like you’re there to have fun? You’re pretty sure your hair is a mess and you might even have pillow marks on your face still. If anything he probably thought you were some jealous wife coming down here in a blaze of fury but that’s not the case at all. You have no problem with strip clubs. You couldn’t care less that your husband is here. These women and some men potentially are just doing their job. Your only problem is you’re here when you want to be fast asleep. You’re pretty sure if the guys don’t immediately listen to you that the party is over that you’re going to have a full on temper tantrum. You’ve watched your toddler have enough of them so you’re basically an expert.

You look around and don’t find anyone who looks familiar. You spot a waitress and quickly walk over to her and ask where a bachelor party might be. She points you towards the VIP room and you thank her before heading in that direction.

There’s another bouncer in front of the door who stops you before you can enter and you just sigh, “Listen, you close in like a half an hour. It’s probably going to take me that long to round up all those guys in there and convince them it’s time to go home. Do you want to deal with their drunk asses and it take you three times as long for you to get them to listen or do you want me to do it and I’ll have them outta here in no time? Because if you want to then by all means go ahead. I’ll go back home and go back to sleep. My son is going to be up in like three hours. If you don’t want to then I’m gonna need you to let me through so I can collect them. I promise you I know them all. This is Robert Floyd’s bachelor party.”

The bouncer nods and holds the door open for you, “Yes ma’am. I apologize ma’am.”

You nod at him and walk in to a mess. There are guys everywhere. A couple you don’t know. One very scared looking man by the small bar. You assume that’s Bob’s cousin. You head over to the bartender, completely ignoring Bob’s cousin, and ask them to turn the room’s music off which they do as you stand on a chair you find. Once the musics off, immediately you hear a bunch of groans and hey’s and you roll your eyes. Whiny babies.

“Hey!” You yell to get their attention.

They all turn to look at you and you take the site in. Bob has a bra hanging from his neck and lipstick kisses on his cheek, you quickly take out your phone and snap a couple shots of that. Bradley’s Hawaiian shirt is inside out. Your husband is holding onto a stripper pole leaning backwards, couple pictures of that one too. Javy was getting a lap dance but the stripper stopped when you yelled, picture of that. Mickey was on Rueben’s back for some very odd reason, picture of that one. Logan and Billy were seated on a couch, double fisting some beers. And both Brigham and Neil have their heads down at the bar and you took a picture of that too. The men you don’t know were all scattered about amongst the others. You honestly expected worse but it didn’t sound like Bob’s cousin could handle anything worse.

When the men all see you there are excited shouts.

“Hangman! That’s your wife!”

“Baby!”

“Mom’s here!” (That one made you roll your eyes but you’re not surprised)

“Oh no! We got caught!”

“I know you!” (Yes Logan, you two have met many times.)

You shake your head at the lot of them.

You put a single finger to your lips until they all quiet down, “Okay, here’s what’s going to happen. We’re going to do this step by step.”

The men all nod at you. Good. You didn’t feel like dealing with any defiant little assholes.

“First! Whatever dollar bills you brought with you for tonight need to be given to the nice ladies who took their clothes off for you. And you’re going to thank them for their time. Bob give back the bra.”

Bob immediately blushed bright red and the men all proceeded to follow your directions, even making sure to thank them. One man walked up to you and held his money out and you shook your head, “Not me you dumbass.” You pointed him towards one of the strippers and sighed, these guys are going to have to make it up to you. You’re taking an extra long nap tomorrow and someone had been watch your son. You feel something around your waist and look down to see your husband has wrapped his arms around you.

“Good job, now number two, you’re going to all cash out at the bar. Get your cards back. We’re not leaving our credit cards here. Make sure you tip,” you say gesturing to the bar.

Jake reluctantly lets you go before following your directions. This step takes them all a while and you end up sitting down on the chair until the bartender gives you a thumbs up and Jake is back to standing as close to you as he possibly can.

You stand back up and your husband wraps his arms back around you, “Okay third step, look around you for trash. If there are cups take them to the bar-“

The bartender interrupts you, “We can handle that. Don’t worry. It’s our job.” You shoot him a glare and he immediately holds his hands up in surrender and says sorry.

“- Like I was saying, if there are cups take them to the bar. If there’s trash there’s a trash can in the corner. We aren’t leaving this place a mess.”

The men all get to work quickly and it doesn’t take long before everything is picked up and vaguely looking clean. To get Jake to listen this time you had to push him off you and point at some trash before he sighed and picked it up and threw it away then returned to his spot.

“Fourth step, make sure you have your wallet, phone, and keys and/or anything else you brought with you. Like a sweatshirt or a hat.”

Everyone immediately starts patting their pockets and nodding. You tap Jake’s shoulder to get him to let go then sit back down and turn to Bob’s cousin, “What was the plan for afterwards. Are they going somewhere? Is there a way to get them to wherever?”

Bob’s cousin shrugged, “We rented a limo to get here and I think the plan was to Uber back to wherever you were staying for the night.”

You shake your head at him, “You think or you know? You’re the worst babysitter. You should know the plan.”

Bob’s cousin hangs his head and apologizes.

You look around before finding Bob and quickly yell his name, gesturing for him to come over to you.

“Hi, Mzzz Hangman. Whass zup?” He says slurring this words.

“What are you doing after this?” You ask.

He scrunches his face for a minute or so before going, “Oh! Theresssa limo to take us to tha hotel and then we go to sleep and then brunch and then more sleep at homes.”

You laugh listening to him, “Thanks. Knew I could count on you.”

Bob beams at the praise.

You stand back up, once again Jake holds onto your legs, “Fifth step, nicely walk out to the limo and get in to go back to the hotel. Mr. Competent over here,” you point to Bob’s cousin, “Will give you further instructions when you accomplish that. I better get a good report for him or I’m gonna be mad at you all!”

That ones followed by most of the men saying a quick, “Yes ma’am.” before they started their journey to the parking lot.

You stop at the little bar and leave Bob’s phone number with them in case anything gets left behind.

You follow after the others and stop at the limo to make sure they’re all accounted for, which they are, except one. You look over at your car and see Jake leaning against it with his hands in his pockets.

You turn to Bob’s cousin, “Do not lose them. Have them drink water. Get them straight to their rooms. They should all pass out. I’m taking mine with me so you have one less. You’re lucky.” You turn to the others, “Be good! I want a good report saying you were on your best behavior!” You’re answered with a bunch of giggles as you pat the top of the limo and shut the door.

You unlock your car and watch Jake scramble into the passenger seat. You laugh and walk over, getting into the driver seat, “Did you think I wouldn’t let you come home?”

He shook his head and pouts, “I don’t wanna play with my friends anymore. I want my wife. I want to sleep in my own bed. I want my puppy. I want my baby.”

You laugh and lean over to kiss his cheek, “My poor, sweet husband, forced to go out and spend time with his friends. Didn’t have any fun. Definitely didn’t enjoy getting drunk and seeing mostly naked women.”

His mouth breaks out into a goofy grin, “That was nice but I would much rather see you mostly naked because then I could just make you the rest of the way naked.”

You laugh and shake your head, “Okay, let’s go home. If you want your baby so much you can get up with him.”

Jake perks up, “I can?! I miss him! We’re gonna play so much!”

“You say that now. When he wakes up in two and a half hours you’re going to be so sleepy,” you say as you start the car and start driving home.

Jake shrugs, “Worth it. I’m sleeping with the baby monitor. I’m getting up with my baby. I don’t care what sleepy Jake says. I promise I’m getting up.”

And surprisingly that’s exactly what sleepy Jake did in three hours when your son woke up. How nice of him to sleep in a half hour.

The bachelorette party

[cels-not-so-secret-love-affair]

sunday afternoon (the potter family)

a/n: playing about with some muggle au potter family and friends. i’ve been trying to get ahold of the way i like to write harry - i could probably do with rereading the books to aid me in that endeavour, but that’s not exactly a commitment i have time for. anyways! just a dash of happy today. key word for this one was comfortable.

‘I’m home!’, Harry calls, pulling off his windbreaker and shutting the door behind him. It’s colder now it’s autumn, and he’s glad of the wave of warmth that hits him on the way in.

‘Alright, Haz?’ comes a voice from inside the kitchen. Harry grins when he recognises it - Sirius is over. He kicks off his trainers haphazardly and heads down the hall to the open door where light is pouring out into the rest of the house.

‘Hi, sweetheart,’ smiles Lily as he enters. She’s sat at the kitchen table with her laptop and a mug of coffee, long dark red hair swept back into a tidy ponytail. Her eyes flick to the bottoms of his jeans as he passes her and she sighs wearily. ‘Really, Harry? Why have you got mud all over you this time then?’

‘Footie,’ he says simply, rifling through the cupboard in search of cereal.

‘That’s my boy,’ James laughs and pats him on the shoulder as he sidles past him. Harry glows proudly like he always does whenever he gets compared to his dad and goes to fetch a bowl.

‘Good kick-about?’ Sirius inquires from his chair by the fire.

‘Yeah, it was nice. Ron totally stacked it though, his mum’s going to murder him. Did Remus not come?’

‘Nah, Moons is resting at the minute. He sends his love though.’

‘I know.’ Harry sets his cereal down and pulls up a chair at the table. He’s halfway through practically inhaling it in that ever-so-teenage-boy manner when he frowns, drops his spoon and looks back up.

‘By the way, Mum, I forgot. Its parent’s evening on Thursday. I’m supposed to book the meetings with my teachers for you and Dad?’

‘Yes, actually, I saw the email. Jamie, could you come sit down for just a few seconds?’ James, perpetually enthused, bounds over to kiss his wife on the head and sits down to her left.

‘I absolutely can, my love. Who’ve we got to see, Harry?’

‘I mean, it’s up to you. Miss was really keen on seeing you last lesson in Art but she was sort of like that with everyone, so I reckon she’s just lonely,’ he shrugs, shovelling another heap of cereal into his mouth. Lily shoots him a look, but the corners of her mouth tip up in an amused sort of way and her eyes don’t really carry much heat.

‘Right, okay, we may as well be kind and book in for Art then,’ she decides, rather businesslike. ‘And then I’ll want to see all your core subject teachers, and probably your Media teacher too.’

‘Mum, there is literally no way I’m letting you see my Chemistry teacher after what happened last time.’

‘Oh, don’t be silly, he was just being a coward. If he doesn’t want to face the consequences of his own actions he should stop bullying children and start teaching them instead.’

‘Who was this one again, Lils?’ Sirius asks lazily, eyes still trained on his newspaper.

‘Chemistry? We’ve told you about him, he’s that awful, pathetic man who keeps giving poor Neville grief.’

‘Ah, I know the bloke. Snape, isn’t it? Greasy old git.’ Harry stifles a laugh.

‘Really though, it’ll only make him more evil if you yell at him again, he’ll get all embarrassed and tetchy. Can’t you just see History then instead?’

‘It is physically impossible to sit through a single conversation with that man without falling asleep,’ James declares, apparently having flashbacks to the last time he sat through one of Binns’ lectures and looking remarkably as if he’d like to stab his own eyes out with a fork. ‘Besides, I want to talk to this Snape man as well. Its two to one, son - you’re overruled.’ He imitates bringing down a gavel.

‘Not my bloody fault I’m an only child’, complains Harry, fiddling with a stray thread at the end of his sleeve.

‘That’s that sorted then.’ says Lily. ‘We’ll do Art, Media, English, Maths and the sciences - and yes, that’s including Chemistry.’

‘Okay, whatever. I’m going to go up now if that’s okay.’

‘Alright. I’ll call you for tea in about half an hour or so, yeah?’

‘Thanks. Are you staying to eat with us, Pads?’ Harry asks Sirius, taking his empty bowl and spoon across to the sink.

‘No, I’m having dinner with Remus, its only a quick visit today really. But another time, eh? Once Moony’s out of bed we’ll come together and stay a bit longer.’

‘That’d be cool.’

‘Oh, and Haz?’ Sirius calls as Harry heads towards the doorway.

‘Yeah?’

‘Fifteen across, six letters, “a habitually discontented person”.’

‘I dunno, grouch?’

‘You’re a genius, mate. Cheers.’

[maxdibert]

i want to know what do you think about Remus since you already talk about James and Sirius i really need to know :3

When someone puts a big topic on the table, in Spain we say: sujétame la cerveza lol So yeah, Lupin is one of THAT topics. Here we go:

Look, I can deal with Remus Lupin having literally zero self-esteem and a massive inferiority complex, and for that reason using Sirius and James as his safety net at Hogwarts, not stopping them when they were complete jerks because he was afraid they'd reject him and he’d end up alone. I can deal with that, I can excuse being an accomplice to bullying just like I can excuse Severus for getting involved with the Death Eaters because he saw himself as vulnerable. I forgive him, seriously. I can even forgive him for being an absolutely irresponsible adult and not taking his potion—Merlin knows why. I can let that slide too. But there are two things I can’t let slide.

The first, and less important one, is that he justified James’ actions to Harry. I mean, it's the least important because I can understand not wanting to tarnish the kid’s image of his father, but when the same kid is telling you that his father and his friends (including you) were assholes, maybe you should admit that you were a total jerk. Or that at least your friends were, and you did nothing. I get why Sirius denied his guilt because, well, Sirius Black. Like, what are you going to expect from him? To him, there was nothing wrong with it. But Remus was aware that it was wrong, and as an adult, he can admit it. You don’t have to make up some story about Snape envying James over Quidditch (lolololol like Severus Snape would remotely care about that gym-bro crap). But anyway, I see this as almost the least serious thing.

What I will never, ever forgive him for in my entire fucking life is that at 36/37 years old, with gray hair already down there, HE WAS ALMOST FORTY YEARS OLD, PEOPLE, he got a woman in her twenties pregnant, had an existential crisis, and was considering leaving her WHILE SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD. WHAT IS HE DOING?? Like, I don’t even know how to express this in English because my language is Spanish, and I swear I have a ton of adjectives in that language to insult this man, but in English, it’s harder—but hello?? He was ALMOST FORTY YEARS OLD, HIS WIFE WAS TWENTY-FIVE, HE SLEPT WITH HER, GOT HER PREGNANT, AND LEFT??? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE, REMUS LUPIN?? WHAT’S IN YOUR HEAD?? Like, if he was so terrified of passing on lycanthropy to the child, why didn’t he use a condom?? Or, I don’t know, the magical equivalent—HAVE YOU HEARD OF A VASECTOMY?? And if he really, truly felt so bad about impregnating A WOMAN IN HER TWENTIES—LIKE SERIOUSLY, LET'S PUT THIS IN PERSPECTIVE: SOMEONE THIRTEEN YEARS YOUNGER THAN HIM. THIRTEEN. DAMN. YEARS. Why didn’t he just NOT DO IT? Like, as the adult in the relationship, he could’ve genuinely said no. No, this is unacceptable. No. No, sorry. So many years of gender studies and feminist readings for this. SCREW THE NICE GUYS. Like, his whole “woe is me, I’m poor, I’m old, I’m ugly, I’m dangerous” schtick? Well, you should have gone off to Timbuktu then, but don’t get her pregnant only to then abandon her. A TEENAGER HAD TO GO. A TEEN-AGER had to tell him he was being a piece of shit. This is why I say Rowling doesn’t respect her female characters because if she really did, she would have had Tonks dump him and raise the child on her own because, seriously, what was she thinking?

Just talking about this makes me genuinely angry. It's just that Lupin is THAT KIND OF GUY, you know? The one who acts all nice and soft and like he’s never broken a plate in his life, and he’s all poor me, and I’m super nice and super sweet, but then he turns out to be a huge jerk, like a giant piece of work. He’s the textbook nice guy, and one of the worst, the kind who goes after young women. Look, I’m just saying that if Harry Potter were written today and the topic of Lupin came up, and Rowling didn’t condemn him to the stake in her books, she would have been canceled a long time ago. Seriously. There’s no way that in today’s fiction a man nearly 40 years old gets a twenty-something pregnant and threatens to leave her, and that this guy is seen positively by the narrative. Simply no. Canceled. I’m canceling you, Remus Lupin, not for myself, but for feminism. Thanks.

[moratcha]

Wait wait wait, the dadchuck au is amazing!

Now I'm wondering if falin and laois know they're siblings (if they still are in this au) and how they find out. I can imagine how the two would infodump to eachother about eachothers interests and everything.

Also with chilchuck being the one eaten- the angst of Falin wanting her dad back ;-; ooooh I love that, maybe Falin and Laois know they're siblings by that point and laois is determined to make his sister feel better.

Anyway I will happily continue eating this au up cause I love it

(HI THERE!!!! first of all, i’m so glad you like my au— it means a whole lot! i’m insane about chil & falin in specific and so something with them as the sole focus was clearly overdue……….)

Second of all, Falin and Laios do eventually figure out that they’re siblings, yes. This is where it gets a little bit confusing tbh LOL.

Falin still attends Magic School when she’s old enough to be on her own (around 15ish up until around like, 19?) albeit it’s not a result of her parents forcing her out because she’s off-putting and not good for social standing, but rather that Chilchuck + Chilchuck Wife encourage her to pursue her talents because they think it could lead to a successful career/stable life for herself in the future. (That and because they’re good parents. However during Falin’s time at school this is when Chil & his wife end up Separating LOL)

During Falin’s time at Magic School, Laios passes through because he’s working for the caravan. Coincidentally, the two run into each other (and they totally geek out about the authentic naturally-formed dungeon nearby…) and in typical Touden nature the two go “wow! we look super alike! isn’t that neat. would be weird if we were siblings or something lol”. but anyway. the two hit it off and falin learns of his plans to traverse to Melini.

(this intrigues her especially because of the dungeon that’s said to exist there and, in this AU, there’s some Haha Uh Oh! between Marcille + Falin because with a traditionally shorter lived race as a father Falin is way more apt towards Marcille’s “i need all the races to live as long as me” plan.)

So falin leaves with laios (tells marcille she’s going on a research-based expedition) and white boy has a lightbulb moment when he remembers that he apparently had a sibling who was said by his parents to have been taken away at a young age. in typical touden fashion AGAIN they have an “omg… maybe we’re long lost siblings…” moment.

This is also how Chilchuck joins the party because a few years down the line his daughter writes a letter to him basically saying “Dad! I found a guy who might be my long lost sibling! We’re going into a highly dangerous dungeon together with little to no skill! With love, Your Daughter” and he has a heart attack on the spot and goes My Alcoholism can wait i will NOT let my daughter be scammed into poor finance-based decision making. And literally writes back going “DON’T GO ANYWHERE I’M COMING.” and shows up to Melini like the next day. (He has especial beef with Laios in this AU for a hot minute)

[p0orbaby]

if requests are still open then cud i req otm fluff like literally anything cuz i hv had it w the angst lol like maybe r having a cute moment w the twins & wanda getting it on camera or smth¿ feel free to ignore this if u want

Beach Days

summary: sun, sea and sandcastles

warnings: nothing, a miracle I know

a/n: fluff you say?

word count: 932

-

“I don’t think this is a good idea” you voiced as you pulled one very squirmy fifteen month old out of his car seat.

Wanda just rolled her eyes and adjusted your other toddler on her hip. Hand flying up to pull the brim of Billy’s sun hat over his eyes and sun cream covered nose.

“And why’s that?” She asked tiredly. The journey was long and you couldn’t blame her for her dwindling patience.

“Because toddlers and sand don’t mix. All they do is shove things in their mouths,” you said in between keeping Tommy steady in your arms and grabbing the food cooler and beach bag out of the trunk of the car. “We should’ve just taken them to the pool or something”

“The weather is too nice to be stuck inside, Y/N”

“An above ground one in the backyard then?”

Even with sunglasses now covering Wanda’s eyes, you could feel her boring holes into you. Completely over your argumentativeness already.

“You know what? The beach was a perfect choice. They’ll love it”

She hummed in satisfaction, tapping her hand gently against Billy’s leg as she walked towards the sand.

Tommy squealed at the sight of his mother and brother retreating.

“Traitor” you mumbled into his hair, but followed your wife anyway.

-

The sea breeze tickled your face. Or was it sticky toddler fingers? They were one in the same at this point. Either way it distracted you from your futile attempt at a cat nap.

“They want you to play with them,” your wife said plopping down on the lounger beside you. She’s resigned her role as child wrangler and passed it on to you it seemed.

“Wasn’t the half hour of chasing the ball in the wind not enough?”

“Apparently not”

Gosh she was beautiful. Skin golden in the sun and glittering with sunscreen. Hair messy atop her head. You wanted to press a kiss to each freckle that had revealed itself.

Sitting up you asked, “well what’s in it for me?”

“Is spending some time with your children not enough of a reward?”

“Nah, ice cream sounds better” you deadpanned, jokingly of course. Well, half joking. Ice cream would hit the spot right about now.

“Baby”

“I’m kidding. Aren’t I boys!” Both if their head turned to look at you in curiosity.

“Go play with your sons. I’ll go get the the damn ice creams”

“I love you” you yelled. Watching Wanda’s backlit form get smaller in the distance. “Right kiddos, what havoc can we wreak in the small amount of time you’re left in my care hm?”

“Sand” Tommy said, opening his palm out to show you he was in fact holding sand.

“Sand on the beach? Who’d have thunk it?”

“Bucket” Billy piped up. “Help” he added when he couldn’t turn it back to rights. The wet sand at the bottom of it weighing it down.

“I could help you. But what does a bucket load of sand give you, huh?” You asked, sliding off the lounger and using your hands to shovel the rest of the bucket full.

“Bucket” Tommy parroted.

“Negative, try again”

Both boys looked at each other confused. Small brows furrowed as they thought.

“Sand?” Billy concluded triumphantly.

“What are they teaching you kids in school these days?”

“They don’t go to school yet” your wife’s sudden and too soon response made you jump slightly. Her shadow blocking you from the sun. Ice cream dripping down her fingers whilst she gripped the cones.

“Hmm, that tracks. But no, sandcastles my boys, sandcastles!”

-

Your hands were now also sticky, and covered in sand. But you didn’t care. You’d built the biggest sandcastle you’d ever made.

The twins helped. Barely. They were more interested in their sweet treat. You didn’t blame them, you scarfed yours down without so much a blink.

Either way, they’d found themselves in your lap, pretending to be involved in the finishing touches. Sell outs.

Then out of nowhere, a click and a flash, bright enough to have you blinking, even in the sun.

Covering the boys’ faces you yelped, “No paps! This is a family event. Shoo, you heathen”

“Ha ha, very funny. Perhaps smile in the next one, yeah? You’re taking this sandcastle business too seriously”

“You’re not taking it seriously enough. Look at this masterpiece” you gestured to the three story high structure. “All that’s left is a flag to stick in the top”

“Well, we don’t have one I’m afraid”

“Sure we do” you said as you scanned the perimeter, eyes honing in on the perfect thing.

Wanda’s eyes bulged under her straw hat at what you were reaching for. “Y/N, don’t you dare pick that up. That’s a hard no”

“Think of it as cleaning up the boy's litter. Can’t leave the beach in a mess can we?” Words spouting out as your hand wrapped around a discarded half chewed cone.

Tommy tried to grab it, but you held it high enough that he couldn’t reach.

“You already threw this away, can’t claim it back now I’ve got it”. You stuck your tongue out in jest and he pouted. “Jeez kid, you drive a hard bargain. What about you place it on the top then?”

“Timeout. Thats gross baby, don’t let him hold that”

“Ah, no interfering with our bonding” you argued, lifting both boys in a well practiced move as you stood up, leaning forward so Tommy could place the cone on the highest tower.

A second blinding flash.

The first of many successful days at the beach as a family.

[greg-montgomery]

okay, aaron hotchner scenario bc i missed him <3

arranged marriage/period au?

one day your parents announce you that you are going to get married to a man named aaron hotchner, who you know nothing about (lmfao i know this sounds like the ‘my mom sold me to one direction’ trope 💀). anyway. you have never met him so you imagine him as an ugly old man who you will feel disgusted to even look at.

but theeeen when it’s time to be introduced to husband-to-be you’re met with a gorgeous 😩😩 tall dark haired man and your heart starts beating sooooo fast immediately <3

and he’s such a gentleman, treats you with respect and has great manners 🦋🦋

but you keep acting as if you don’t like him 🙄 bc you didn’t have a say in this marriage and you’re still upset about it.

okay now to the main thought ❤️ it’s your wedding night and you’re sooooooo nervous. you’re literally about to pass out and aaron notices. when you’re alone for the first time in your new bedroom he gets closer to you and brushes his fingers against your cheek and makes you look at him 🫠 and he asks if you’re scared. so you say that you’re terrified but you don’t mean it like that. it’s just because you’re already madly in love with him when you don’t want to be.

and he says “what kind of man do you take me for? do you think i’d ever touch you without your consent?” and pulls away…and you’re just standing there like wait come back here rn

so you tell him “but i’m your wife. i agreed to it.”

and he comes closer again and grabs your chin softly (😩🦋) and says “if i ever touch you, it will be because you want me to. if you’re not trembling with desire for me, then i have no interest in going to bed with you”

[saras-devotionals]

Quiet Time 8/12

What am I feeling today?

I fear my depression is getting the best of me. I also fell into a sin that I hadn’t for a year and it troubles me but I corrected myself swiftly and will confess. I also uninstalled Instagram. I noticed that it was far too much of a distraction for me and was in a sense becoming an idol because I spent time on it first thing in the morning before reading the word of God. My heart is in an odd place that I can’t decipher. I’ll need to go on another prayer walk today. The guy I liked for over a year now also asked me on an encouragement date yesterday and I’m still reeling from that. There’s just a lot swirling around in me that I need to acknowledge and slow down and give it to God.

JOB 19 NIV

“Then Job replied: “How long will you torment me and crush me with words? Ten times now you have reproached me; shamelessly you attack me. If it is true that I have gone astray, my error remains my concern alone. If indeed you would exalt yourselves above me and use my humiliation against me, then know that God has wronged me and drawn his net around me. “Though I cry, ‘Violence!’ I get no response; though I call for help, there is no justice. He has blocked my way so I cannot pass; he has shrouded my paths in darkness. He has stripped me of my honor and removed the crown from my head. He tears me down on every side till I am gone; he uproots my hope like a tree. His anger burns against me; he counts me among his enemies. His troops advance in force; they build a siege ramp against me and encamp around my tent. “He has alienated my family from me; my acquaintances are completely estranged from me. My relatives have gone away; my closest friends have forgotten me. My guests and my female servants count me a foreigner; they look on me as on a stranger. I summon my servant, but he does not answer, though I beg him with my own mouth. My breath is offensive to my wife; I am loathsome to my own family. Even the little boys scorn me; when I appear, they ridicule me. All my intimate friends detest me; those I love have turned against me. I am nothing but skin and bones; I have escaped only by the skin of my teeth. “Have pity on me, my friends, have pity, for the hand of God has struck me. Why do you pursue me as God does? Will you never get enough of my flesh?”

‭‭Job‬ ‭19‬:‭1‬-‭22‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I’ve been reading Job lately (not sure why, it just called to me). He went through so much pain and suffering even though he was a righteous man. It first shows us the lesson that even if we’re great disciples, God still allows us to suffer and even Jesus himself said we’d suffer.

Furthermore, Job has been blaming God (despite the words from his friends). He believes God had wronged him but what he doesn’t understand is that what has happened to him came from the hand of Satan. Yes God allowed it (as a test to prove Satan wrong) but it still came from the enemy.

Now, I don’t necessarily blame Job for his reaction because everything he lost happened all so suddenly and I believe any one of us would have reacted poorly in the face of all that grief and suffering.

However, I believe that this just further goes to show that the point of it all is to rely on God. He is not the one to blame (He’s quite literally blameless). A lot of what happens to us tend to be the result of our own actions and decisions and we must deal with it accordingly. Though there are things that are out of our control remember that sometimes God tests us and examines us in different circumstances (esp those who are righteous). How can you ever improve if you are not ever tested?

Anyways, I feel that I’m in a period of testing right now and I’m failing. I keep asking God for help but just now I’m reminded of an analogy. God is present through this all but He can’t interfere just as a professor is present during an exam but can’t give you the answers. Regardless, I will continue to plead with God to purify me and to help me remain in Him.

“I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on the earth.”

‭‭Job‬ ‭19‬:‭25‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Just a reminder for us all🙏🏼

[aleksa-sims]

Simself story+

CW: divorce, pregnancy

Another month has passed. It was the beginning of July, a beautiful summer day.... I was pregnant as you know, but Nico & I...... there was still radio silence between us. I filed for divorce 3 weeks ago. But unfortunately there was no reaction from Daniel. I was informed that the divorce documents were not picked up by him, so they were sent to his Dad’s now!! You won’t believe it, but they sent Daniel the divorce petition to our place first. Our Apartment! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️This was Daniel’s current main residence. BUT I told that woman, divorce prosecutor, that Daniel just left me, without me knowing where he was!! I had no clue where he was. She didn’t believe this whole story! She said it couldn’t be that, I, his wife, don’t know where he is right now? Is that woman crazy or what??...

She made me so desperate, that I started to cry in that office. I literally burst into tears. After my cry, she finally got that I’m not lying!!! She realized how broken my heart was and that I was unhappily in love with him. She took my divorce petition, looked me in the eye and said, she would handle it. But she also told me right away, it would be difficult for me to divorce Daniel, as long as he is not personally present. This won't be a divorce by mutual consent, she explained. It's gonna take time. And yes, it’s getting complicated.

At this point I still lived with my Grandparents, but I also went home to my Mom & Dad from time to time. It was all fine with us. And Ana and I seemed to be bestie's again. Ana told me she is now also friends with Dennis. She talked to him about me and meant Dennis's cool. Yup! Let's see... 😬

That day we had a date with Sandra & Liam. We went out for dinner. And agh,....it's going to be a really crazy night, which I didn’t expect at all!!!! It started so.... innocently. We were eating, having fun, I played with Liam and after that we were all on our way home.

But Ana was a little drunk. In that restaurant where we were, we got three mini vodka-bottles. It was a gift. I don’t drink and was pregnant anyway, so Ana gulped down mine and her mini bottle plus Sandra's! S. also didn't want it.

And well, on the way home, Ana & I decided to stop by Nico's place, because we talked about him and Stephanie before. I wanted to know if she was with him. I mean, Nico has been ignoring me for 8 weeks now!! I haven’t seen him for so long. For me, it was over with us. The more days went by without N., the more I felt like a singel. Ngl, I missed him! I cried and was sad about everything that had happened. I waited for him to call me. But he didn’t, so I assumed Nico didn’t want me anymore. After a while I started to feel better, without Nico and also without Daniel! I felt kind of strong & good. All the stress I felt the past weeks was almost gone. Secondly, I was very happy about my pregnancy. I was looking forward to my Baby, which distracted me. Also talking to my therapist helped me a bit, I think. Still, deep inside me, I wanted to be with N. Whenever I thought about our Baby, I wanted to share these thoughts with him. I wanted him with me during pregnancy. I missed him. So I let myself into Ana’s crazy idea to stop by Nico to spy on him. 🤦‍♀️🫣

If Ana hadn’t been so drunk, maybe it would have worked!?? But oh my God, this is gonna be so fucking awkward!!! Nico wasn't alone, but he wasn't with Stephanie either or any other girl. There were no women at all. Just.... men. 🤷‍♀️

Previous/Next

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Chapter 28

21st November 1995, part 2"

Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" Thea was over the moon to see Andrew in the sitting-room and literally flew into his arms. "There's my little Teddy-girl!", Andrew cheered, happily twirling her around. "How are you doing, darling? Have you had a good chat with Mummy?", he asked, carefully letting her down again, and Thea nodded, however she didn't look as half as happy as she usually did after shed been with her Mummy. "Has she told you that…-", he attempted to make a start but she interrupted him. "That you're not my father?! Yes, she did…" And suddenly, for a reason she wasn't even able to grasp at this point and probably due to her age, poor little Thea burst into tears. "Ohhh, please, darling, don't cry!", Andrew lovingly tried to soothe her, taking her on his lap. "I know, it must all be confusing and disturbing for you… but rest assured that we all love you and I'll always be your Daddy, darling. Who possibly cares about a handful of genes?” Camilla swallowed a few tears as she tried to pass the corridor as unnoticed as possible as she didn’t want to ruin their sweet and probably much-needed daddy-and-daughter moment; Andrew was so sweet with her, he’d always been, and though everything had turned out different to what they’d planned or hoped for, and though she was incredibly afraid of and uncertain about literally everything right now, seeing them together like this, despite everything, just filled her heart with so much joy. “Have you known it all along?”, Thea asked and Andrew nodded. “Yes, darling, I have. But it’s never mattered to me in any way. I have always loved you and I always will.”, he promised, tenderly rocking her from one side to the other. “But why did you keep it a secret?”, she wanted to know. “I don’t understand it. If Mummy and Sir are that much in love… Why couldn’t they just be a family with me?”

“That’s a very interesting and intelligent question, my little darling ”, he said. “I will try to explain it… You know that Sir is in a very special position, don’t you?” “He’s going to be King one day!”, Thea said. “Exactly. And sadly… Kings - or future Kings - can’t just marry whomever they want." "I know, there are special rules for future Kings…", Thea repeated what she'd been told so often and rolled her eyes. "But what sort of rules would forbid someone to be with the person they love? That's stupid!", she thought, and Andrew couldn't help smiling. Actually, she was right. It was stupid, damn stupid, so to say, and once more he thought how much better this world would possibly be, had it been ruled by children. “You’re right, sweetie, it is stupid, but sadly the world doesn’t always listen to clever young ladies like you.”, Andrew replied. “And… for Mummy and Sir… it was quite a hard time when they found out they were going to have a baby - you - knowing they wouldn’t be able to raise you together, which of course was what they’d have wanted. But they both already had a family with somebody else, you know. Sir with his wife and their two sons, William and Harry - your half brothers actually, and Mummy was with me and we had Tom and Laura. Though I’m afraid I wasn’t quite as nice to her as I should have been…”, he grumbled and Camilla, who was standing next to the door, secretly overhearing this sweet and moving conversation, had to wipe away a few more tears. She was touched about Andrew’s honesty and sensitivity with Thea. In fact, she thought that he was doing a much better job than she’d done before. “But anyway - there was lots of heartbreak and uncertainty and Mummy was very, very afraid of the future.”, he went on and she listened to him with wide eyes. “And then you were there to protect her?”, she asked and Andrew blushed which made Camilla laugh despite her tears. “Well, I’d say… kind of.”, he stated. “You know, though Mummy and I weren’t as much in love anymore as Mummy and Sir were, or Rose and I on the other hand, I still cared about Mummy an awful lot and I wanted to look after her, make sure she was safe and had everything she needed. Just like you care about your siblings or your very good friends for example. You’d surely help your friends if they ever found themselves in a difficult situation, wouldn’t you, darling?”, he asked her and she nodded absolutely convinced and sure of herself- “Of course!”, she exclaimed, looking at him seriously. "But why couldn’t Sir do that? Didn’t he want me?”

In that very moment, Camilla heard someone knocking on the front door and rushed over to look who it was. Now, that Andrew was here to protect her, she wasn’t that much afraid of the press anymore and probably it was Rose anyway; nothing to worry about, but she really didn’t want anything or anyone to spoil or interrupt this heartwarming talk between her little daughter and her daddy, what Andrew would undoubtedly stay forever, so she quickly and quietly opened the door - and felt at least a thousand stitches in her heart and even more butterflies in her stomach, when she realised that it was none other than Charles who’d been rushing over to them, accompanied only by his driver and protection officer, looking at her so overwhelmed and desperate, that it almost made her cry again. “Darling…”, he began, lowering his eyes, but she gave him a reassuring glance full of love and non-verbally told him to keep quiet. He nodded understanding, silently following her back into the corner next to the sitting-room door where she had been standing before, lovingly wrapping his arms around the love of his life.

“He wanted you very, very much, my darling.”, Andrew meanwhile went on answering Thea’s questions. “He loves Mummy more than anything and I think he was over the moon when she told him about you. He loves you both an awful lot. But he simply wasn’t allowed to care for you both, you know . That’s why I jumped in.”, he explained, hoping that all of the nonsense he’d been talking would at least make a little sense and answer the most important questions the little girl only too understandably had on her mind. Camilla and Charles exchanged a glance which said more than a thousand words, both of them crying, and cuddled up to each other even closer. The painful memories of that time, the uncertainty and fear they had both felt and of course the heartbreak especially Charles had gone through because he hasn't been allowed to be a father for his daughter, were simply overwhelming and hurt even more now than they had hurt back then. Camilla turned around and kissed him tenderly, tightly pressing his hand, as Andrew went on: “We thought it was best if we keep all of this a secret in order to protect you and Mummy, do you understand that?" Thea nodded, but then wanted to know: "But why did you have to keep it secret? What's so dangerous about it?" "See, sweetie…", Andrew sighed. "As you know, not everybody approves of Mummy and Sir's relationship. Many people are against them being together, don't ask me why, probably because they're very old-fashioned, pathetic and silly but they still are. And therefore… it'd have caused lots of trouble for all three of you had anybody got to know… however, unfortunately, somebody did get to know… and spilled it all on television last night." "What?" Thea obviously couldn't understand everything her daddy had just told her but spilling other people's secrets on television didn't seem right to her at all. "So, now… a lot of people know about it, unfortunately.", he went on. "And we really wanted you to learn it from us and give you the opportunity to ask us all of your questions directly. That's why we've decided that you'll stay home from school for a couple of days, and why I came over, too. We thought it'd be nice to spend some time together as a family and show the world that we stick together. Does that sound like a plan?", he asked, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible and Thea nodded excitedly. "Will Sir come and see us, too?", she wanted to know, and this was more or less Camilla’s cue. She quickly dried her tear-strained face and lurked through the door. "I think he's already here, sweetheart.", she announced, looking at Charles and motioned for him to follow her into the sitting-room. Thea's eyes widened and she climbed off Andrew's lap, attempting to run over to her mother but almost froze as she saw Charles. So far, she had taken it all very well but seeing him in front of herself so unexpectedly, apparently overwhelmed her and she looked at him almost anxiously.

“Hi Thea.", Charles said with a trembling voice and slowly got down on his knees, invitingly opening his arms for her, and once the first little shock was over, she rushed over to him and almost jumped into his arms - her father's arms. Charles had a hard time holding back his tears and Camilla had to wipe away a few once more as well - this was the first time that her Prince was able to hug their little angel as her father. And though she didn't even want to imagine what the next weeks and months would bring about for them, in this very moment, all that she felt was happiness.

[custerdthegreat]

Ok guys this is gonna be a bit of a vent so if you’re not into that you can click off now but…

A lot has been going on this month is why I haven’t been streaming as much, I’ve just been coping by playing Minecraft and smoking since my situation makes it so I don’t have a better option for help.

I’m so tired of this gastropersis shit every morning I wake up feel nauseous take my meds for it and I’m pretty sure my meds make me a little blocked up in the morning making them very hard and painful and having to eat all the time with an ED is so draining…

I’m tired of being surrounded by death this week, my uncle passed away and his wife passed a few months back now and one of my senior cats died and I was the one who laid him to rest in the backyard, my other senior has been injured and we thought he was gonna pass but after a lot of wet food (the vet had no openings) he seems to be doing better

I hate that in order togoing to my uncles funeral and seeing some of my family in Texas for probably the last time I was told I needed to dress like a girl and keep my lgbt/not conventional shit at home and the example for girl cloths and shit like sundresses.

I hate how the people in this house act, everyone feels two faced I can’t vent to anyone without it ending in the ears of people they’re not supposed to and getting in trouble for private conversation, I don’t understand how people can be actively wrong and some dumb shit then get mad at me for not being wrong? Like when my cousin bought ice cream put it in the main fridge didn’t label it got mad at us cause half of it got used for milkshakes and when we bought him a new thing of ice cream and got our self some he choose to eat our entire thing of ice cream out of spite. But I think the worst is the gaslighting telling me they didn’t fucking tell me I’d get disowned and possibly kicked out if I got the vaccine that would’ve prevented my gastropersis cause it’s caused from stuff like Covid and stuff. Or just straight up denying my medical stuff all the time.

I hate I can’t get help for things without hiding it or my family will bullying me into stopping the help it’s what happened with my therapy and mental health stuff and with some physical health stuff to.

I wish It felt realistic for me to get a job and help my partner with money but I’m always nauseous especially for the first few hours of the day and can very a lot , I feel my stomach all the time and I’m so tired all the time.

I hate that the job market is so bad and even after months and dozens of interviews my partner is still struggling to find something that will get back to him and I swear to god if someone saying that we’re just not trying hard enough stfu get off my page I have watched him spend hours almost every day applying to shit but because he doesn’t have his full license yet most places just don’t call back, I’m literally at a hiring event for him rn typing this.

I feel like such a loser rn, I can’t work, I feel like a expensive pet, nice to look at I guess but doesn’t serve much of a purpose and is like allergic to life of something other then that mostly just being a pain in the ass. I feel bad for smoking weed but I feel like it’s the only thing currently that keeps me from just ending it cause of all this shit.

I wish I had money for safe foods and none mint toothpaste so I can brush my teeth without worrying about it flaring up.

Anyways.. that’s all for now sorry for the vent just frustrated.

[harrison-abbott]

Travel Poetry - Budapest

BUDAPEST

I

This was in the early summer of 2022.

So, it was following the pandemic, which

Had changed the world and knocked off

Two years of normality. Hungary was one

Of the countries that had reopened, without

Any travel restrictions. So I got the plane

Over on my own. And there was that wondrous

Refreshing zeal of going travelling again,

After being cooped up in lockdown Scotland

For such a long time. But, of all my trips,

Budapest remains the most emotive. And,

Here are the stories why.

II

I got in late at night. It was still very hot,

With the aftermath of the day’s heat. And

I wandered through the streets and drank in

Some of the bars, with the drinks dirt cheap.

The next day was stunning with sun, and I

Went out walking into the city. The Danube

Glittered and the bridges over them were as

Colourful as toy cars, colourful as spring

Flowers; and when you walked over you

Got the full gaudy span of this mighty river.

I yomped up Gellért Hill, where one had a

Panoramic view of the whole city, of two

Million people; the orange rooftops, mixed

With the endless spires, domes: that wide

Sense of grandness, of having once been

The helm of an empire. The first two days

When I walked around were just fantastic,

With the pretty gals in their summer gear,

And the atavistic trams that tumbled by

In clementine flashes. … And, I had brought

Copies of my novels along: so I could leave

Them about the city, for folk to find and

Pick up. I left some on that hill ^, on its

Windy paths, and I left some in second hand

Book shops too: perhaps hoping I might

Start a Hungarian fanbase. Ha. [Although

I’ve never heard back from any Hungarians,

So I’m not sure my tactics worked. But it

Was worth a try anyway.] And I walked down

To the island part, in one of the sections of

The Danube, there they’ve made a whole bunch

Of kids parks, and fountains, and there were

Loads of merry folk pottering about, a real

Nice scene. And on the way I was thinking

About my elder brother and his wife. Who

Had had a son a few years back. And I was

Literally thinking, ‘I wonder if they will

Ever have another child again.’ And, when

I sat down on one of the benches in the park,

I was looking at my phone, and came across

The family group chat. And Louis, my big

Brother, had literally, 30 mins earlier, shown

A picture of a new baby in Kirsty’s womb.

So, he was announcing the news to us.

It was spooky as Hell, that I’d just been

Wondering about it, and here was the news.

And so, the whole holiday thus far had a

Kind of ‘destiny’ to it. Mind sound cheesy,

But, that’s what it was like at the time.

III

I’ve been a fan of Beethoven my entire life.

It’s hard to express how important the music

Of Ludwig Van Beethoven is to me.

Are you familiar with his biography? His

Personal story is just as inspiring as his music.

Despite all the deranged obstacles that he

Faced: he remained defiant with the artwork.

And, most musicians peak in skill when they’re

Young. Beethoven peaked in his latter years,

And only improved and improved. Which

Is astonishing considering that towards the

End of his death, he was nearly totally deaf.

Anyway. I went into the Hungarian National

Museum, and I explored in there. It was all

Very lofty and there were a whole bunch of

Things to ogle at. But, by chance, in a corner

Of one of the floors, I noticed a Piano,

Which was in this quiet little room with

Nobody else in it. So I went inside … and read

That it was Beethoven’s personal piano.

Ludwig had passed it on to Hungarian

Composer Franz Liszt after he died. Beethoven

Cherished the instrument up until he perished.

What a find, indeed. Just to think, that

You were in the presence of that great man:

Just to marvel that on this very instrument

He must have composed all that material

That I had grown up loving. And, though

His scores are often turbulent and stormy,

The piano itself was very handsome and

Kempt: it looked as if it hadn’t been touched

Much. In that silent, tiny room, I was directly

In front of an artistic legend. Could feel

His power with me inside there.

[And, I actually left one of my novels

In the museum garden outside. Because

I cheekily, and perhaps arrogantly, wanted

My own artistic creation to be near

Beethoven. Though of course we can’t

Make any comparisons between either man.]

IV

When I go to different countries, I usually

Make an effort to use the basics of the

Local language. Hello and thank you, etc.

Just to be polite. I should have been a bit

More prudent in going to Hungary, as the

Local folks don’t tend to speak English that

Fluently. Not that this is a criticism whatsoever:

Because I’m not fluent in any other language

Myself. And I probably sound like an

Idiot whenever I try even the basics in

Another tongue. But, anyway, on one

Of the days I was there, I went into a

Café, looking for something to eat. I’d

Noticed on the chalk Menu outside that

They sold Vegan stuff. There was this older

Chap at the counter, who must’ve been in his

50s or so. So I greeted him and asked him

If he had a “Vegan sandwich?” And, he

Blinked, and couldn’t understand what

I was saying. He kinda fumbled about,

Pointing at various items that were around

The shop, whilst trading a few lines of

Broken English. It went on for about

Two minutes, whereby he just didn’t

Get what I was saying. So, after several

Times of trying to ask for a vegan sandwich,

He finally deduced the word ‘vegetarian’ …

And then he offered me a can of sweetcorn.

I politely declined, and left. I said, “It’s okay,

Thanks anyway, it’s okay,” and I exited the café.

He wasn’t offended or anything, and he

Didn’t seem to find the incident mortifying.

So I doubt he was bothered by the incident. But,

Yep, that was about the funniest moment of

Language barrier clumsiness I’ve been

Involved with in my life. Though I guess

It was pretty much my fault. Folks often can’t

Understand me in Scotland, when I’m speaking

English, so, hey ho.

V

Holidays can change in mood, very drastically.

I guess, because, you’re in an unfamiliar place.

Home is a gargantuan number of miles away,

And on a different island from this continent.

You are far, far away from home. And, therefore

It leaves you a bit vulnerable. And so, with the

Above stories, everything in Budapest that I’d

Experienced had been joyous and I was having

A blast. And then, on the third night whilst

I was there, a person who I hadn’t spoken to

In years suddenly got in touch with me. And,

It totally changed the arc of the journey. And

Sent me tumbling with a whole load of emotions

That I’d never addressed before.

VI

I’ve never quite been able to deal with grief.

I tend to just block it off, when it happens. I

Suppose it’s a type of defence mechanism,

Because I can’t deal with the emotional content.

VII

My old girl. The one that I’ve mentioned several

Times throughout this book. Who I went to Poland

With, and to Cyprus with, and to Prague and Greece.

She got in touch with me when I was in Budapest.

Suddenly there were messages in that old conversation

Box that I used to know daily, that used to be a part

Of my everyday life. And yet, it hadn’t been live for

Four and a half years. I went back to my hostel

Room and I voice called her. And, then, her bellring

Voice was there again in my ears and mind. And

We spoke for a long time. She had gone back to

Lodz after moving away from Scotland. And,

I’d actually been thinking about her the other day

On the aeroplane when I came to Budapest:

Because I’d gone on so many trips across

Europe with her, the noise of the plane brought

Back those connotations of her. And, here

She was, still alive, and speaking back to.

There were many things I’d wanted to

Ask her throughout those four years of

Absence, and now I was asking them.

I suppose the main notion I was addressing

Was that she had fallen out of love with me,

Long ago, and that, though she was still alive,

That love was never coming back. And, to

Hear her voice again was exotic, and also

As sore and aching as anything I’ve known

In terms of mental anguish. It was just so

Hard to hear that little sound with the

Polish inflexion, returned to my audio again.

And, ashamedly, I got angry towards the

End of the call. And in a petulant manner,

I hung up on her. Then went to sleep for

A few hours. When I woke up I felt awful

About doing that: and I messaged her and

Apologised. She accepted the apology and

Said that she would be fine with keeping

In touch in the future. Which we have done,

Now and then, since then.

VIII

But in my dazed state – the day after that

Call, I was still plastered in misery and a

Heartbreak that I hadn’t been able to process

For 4½ years. Jesus. So, the first three days

In Hungary had been idyllic, and suddenly

I felt distraught, and didn’t have a clue what

To do about it. And, thus, I decided to get

Spectacularly drunk. From the morning onwards.

I went down to the supermarket and loaded up

On cheap beer and just tanned in to them with

Full gusto, whilst walking along the Danube,

Following the current. I listened to the Beatles

A lot. You know when you’re on holiday

And you can have certain songs that you

Get addicted to, that reminds you forever after

About the place? Well, I kept listening to

‘Here Comes the Sun’. And, in between the

Songs and the walking and feverish drinking

I kept crying melodramatically. I don’t know

Whether anybody noticed my red face and

Wet cheeks, but they probably did. Anyway.

I’d been walking until the afternoon. And

I realised that I hadn’t peed in quite some time.

So I looked about for a toilet. Or, some woody

Place where I could pee secretly. But, I couldn’t

Find any. I went to a tram stop to see if I

Could scoot back to my hostel. But the

Information was all in Hungarian and I

Couldn’t comprehend it. So, I decided to

Yomp back to my hostel on foot, confident

That I would make it. But I had also

Underestimated how long I had come along,

In a walk by the second longest river in Europe.

And, my bladder was simultaneously straining

Under the exercise, alongside the building angst

That a strong urge to piss can do to your brain.

So, I walked on and on, all cramped up and

Desperately hoping that I would get back in time,

Sweating and overcome with an animalistic

Need. And, I actually did make it back to

My hostel. I got in through the front doors and

I got into my hostel room. But … umm, I

Didn’t make it into the toilet. And, I just

Pissed myself. Pissed my pants. Jeans, rather.

First time I’d lost control of my bladder since

I was about seven years old. This was when

I was at the age of 28. And so I’d hit rock bottom.

I took my jeans off and cleaned up the piss,

And I slept for a few hours. It was rather

Galling at the time: because I hadn’t

Brought an extra pair of jeans with me.

But, it was properly cathartic. And, just funny.

IX

Early the next morning I was even more

Upset when I went to the airport to go home,

And I couldn’t stop with the tears, and they

Spilled down my face and I didn’t care

Whether anybody noticed or not.

X

When I got back to Edinburgh, off the bus

On Princes Street, back from the airport, I looked up

At the castle and the sooty brickwork of the old town,

And I felt blessed that this was my home city.

Where I was born. Edinburgh was a great city too.