#anyway sorry i needed to vent lol

[losver07]

i hate official language exams cause what do you mean the only way to prove my level is to pass a listening done with some broken speakers and a dude whose voice i recognise from watching derry girls? like okay lets make an agreement, i show you my fanfics and you put a B on my formal letter essay

[youling-the-ghost]

hey, random person on the internet, maybe don't do this?

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

feeling very grateful for the cute barista today who clearly clocked a) my fontaines d.c. tote, and b) the fact i was stuck on a spectacularly bad date, and proceeded to play me an entire playlist of fontaines d.c. and sneak me extra vegan marshmallows with my hot chocolate

[deoidesign]

I’m a trans man that recently got diagnosed with hyper mobile eds, so now seeing Steve makes me extra happy, because cool disabled ftm rep. Thanks for making the radical dude bro, he’s funky.

same disability (waving hand emoji)

Always extremely fulfilling to know my work makes people happy in some small way, it means a lot. Thank you for sharing with me

[pollyannawog]

A comic about doing the dishes

[gilmores-glorious-blog]

GOD people in the cr fandom piss me off sometimes.

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

current editing moodboard, please send help

[once-ina-blue-moon]

tfw you go through an entire day waiting for meetings/calls/people to get back to you just to find 30 minutes before you were supposed to do any given thing that it’s been cancelled so now you’ve wasted the better part of your day waiting & preparing for stuff that didn’t even end up happening and now you have work you have to be doing instead of doing something else that’s actually enjoyable . 🙂

[xinnamonbun]

You ever miss your childhood self? How innocent you used to be? Miss how you would make so many little doodles and the cringiest Marry Sue OCs without ever worrying what other people what them to be? Miss how much better you were? How funny you were? How happy you were? Miss before the world broke you? Wonder what happened to that little kid? Wonder how the world broke them so easily, and yet blames you for that little kid being gone? For you being a disappointment? Wonder what the hell that little kid did to deserve becoming you?

Wonder why the world forces you to hate that little girl? But you still love her. And you hate that's she's gone. You just want her to come back. You want to listen to her ramblings. You want her to show you her toothy smile again. You want her to be happy again.

But she's never coming back. She's dead. All so you could take her place. And sit here crying over what you did to her.

[hiro-doodlez]

Gotta love it when teachers assume. Gotta love the USA education ststem

(Handwriting translation)

What these scores tell me is that you just didnt care during the test in spring last year

You cant just say that???

Hiro in spring last year: just experienced the horrors, keeps zoning out, 2 seconds away from a breakdown, cant focus, barely got any sleep, if he doesnt has a constant distraction will start sobbing

Can i go back to my seat actually

[dandyshucks]

i feel like im living in a goddamn tragicomedy movie this is insane. i just want to think about my silly blorbos and sleep and repeat. i just want to. have like. 30 minutes. where i can think about Guz. without something happening or needing to be dealt with dhdkdl

[babacontainsmultitudes]

babs i love you !!!!!! mwah mwah

CAL!!! I LOVE YOU TOO MWAH MWAH

This me (eepy):

This me when I see you:

hehehehe

[rabble-dabble]

hi. i know it's been a while and i'm sorry for that.

i guess if you'd just like to know what's going on click the readmore?

if you don't wanna read that though, tldr is that i'm starting to draw hs characters for art practice, and that i'm doing this art "series" (i guess?) for myself to improve. oh, and that life is hard sometimes.

so this isn't really easy to say, and especially not to the internet with a buncha strangers following me (haha) but truthfully, i've been having a hard time both with art and with life lately.

i feel like i'm not keeping up with consistency or the expectations i set for myself with art both on this blog and off. i keep finding myself unsatisfied, disgusted, or just disappointed with how my art turns out, or the ending piece. i feel like i used to know where my art was going, and now i've somehow lost sight. i know the individual things i need improvement on (backgrounds, objects, animals, feet anatomy, colour techniques, body shapes, etc etc etc) but it all just feels like so much and if i get practice on one thing, i stop drawing for a while and i just lose the practice i learned.

so i kinda came up with a solution. draw all the hs characters again - interesting, right? (/s). but i'm not gonna do this for the blog (so, sorry followers). i'm gonna do it for me. no expectations, i don't have a set time limit so no stressing myself, and i just draw the characters as i'd like, trying to improve. this is also to just help myself with wanting to draw again - i draw IRL almost everyday, but nothing that i want or that's...well, artistic/creative. i want to create, like it's eating underneath me in my soul, but i can't find myself to do anything more than pencil sketches.

that kinda brings me to my other problem lately: real life. haha.

if you've been following me long enough, you know i don't really post about my IRL problems here, or especially not to this extent. yeah, i've had my one or two vent posts, but i try to keep it off here because a part of me knows its no benefit to have that kind of depressing, low-self esteem stuff on an art blog that i reblog minecraft and john/kat to.

but truthfully, i don't just wanna pretend it's sunshine and rainbows on here. i'm so tired, and i'm stressed, and i've been through the emotional woodchipper lately that i can barely keep my head on straight. yes, i'm trying to get help for all this (i have a doctors appointment soon, and i'm gonna try and get all my diagnosis in order and get therapy, etc) but i'm not coping well with everything that's been happening to me lately, and i can't keep trucking on the same way i have been like i'm more emotionally stable than i actually am.

i'm sorry if i've been acting more bitter, distant, or just different lately. i'm just exhausted, mentally, physically, and emotionally, and i'm starting to run out of energy to just function in my day-to-day. i actually cried at work the other day (for the first time!) for feeling so overwhelmed with everything i had to do (both in my job and outside of it, fuck retail btw it sucks). i have small support in friends and family, but they're not the type of support i genuinely need to function and keep myself healthy. and i can't rely on them in ways that aren't their responsibility, or that i truly need help with.

i'm not trying to air out ALL my dirty laundry here (hehehe) but i just felt like it was better to say i'm struggling emotionally then to just pretend i wasn't struggling at all. if i was a healthier person i probably wouldn't be venting here in the first place, but then again i probably wouldn't have all these problems hanging over me either, lol.

just...have patience with me, please. i just want life to be a little kind, or at least kind enough to get me to my first therapy appointment.

[woodsy-hoe]

not feeling very cash money :-(

[floral-hex]

So this chick has been on-and-off again stalking me since high school. I could go into paragraphs of detail (I was about to), but no one wants to read all of that. Suffice to say, I guess she’s had some kind of crush on me for about 15-20 years or so (why??), and every few years it seems she pops up somewhere contacting me to try to persuade me to give her a chance. I should mention we never talked in high school, I actively avoided her, told her I didn’t like her, etc. nothing doing.

Anyway, somehow she’s been on one of my social media pages and saw I was having a hard time lately, so she found my phone number (what?? I hate that you can just find that online) and texted me out of the blue yesterday. Usual protocol is ignore and block so I don’t piss off an unstable person, but they decided to be gross, so

I wasn’t planning on posting anything about this before. If they were creeping around on my pages, mentioning it would only feed into them. Maybe. I don’t know. But this just kind of made me really uncomfortable and their response was shitty. I could have been a lot meaner. I wanted to be. But whatever, that wouldn’t have helped. So I just blocked them and hope that this time it sticks. If they see this, then hey… not cool.

[emilnikos]

out of curiosity where'd you go/what did you have to do to get your T prescription? we're the same age but I have no idea where to go or what to do! :')

okay so. the way I got it might be different from yours bc of where I live. I'm from Scandinavia and started the process of pursuing medical transition around 5 years ago. I have no idea how things work outside of my own country sorry 😔

The first thing I did was talk to my GP who then referred me to a psychiatrist who I talked to for roughly 5-6 months. I believe I received a diagnosis of Gender Incongruence but idk if that's still required bc again. That was 5 years ago.

From surface level research it seems that it's still a diagnosis but doesn't mention anywhere if it's still required. so. shrugs. My psychiatrist then referred me to the only clinic in the country who helps you with this kind of stuff (there is one alternative you can use if you have a postal adress in the capital, which I don't) And then I had meetings with a professional there twice a year (if I was lucky the waiting lists are loong. but on average it should be twice a year) until I turned 18.

When I turned 18 I was transferred from the kids unit to the one for adults. Then I had to have a conversation with Two More psychiatrists (with a half year gap in-between yes still only biyearly meetings) who would then discern if I was ready and prepared for medical transition (though sometimes it felt like they were testing if I was "trans enough" lmao) and then after that they finally referred me to an endocrinologist, who I met with to discuss the side effects and risks of testosterone. and then I got my prescription.