#i just think some people need to realize the inherent difference dnd has as a medium from other pieces of media | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

darthsarcom · 2 years ago

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Something I kinda realized earlier today is that the reason this felt, in the moment, railroady is due to the inherent nature of the game. Because up untill the last few episodes, the game has been almost entirely directed by the players. So when Matt takes the same level of control he had in average CR1, it suddenly feels like hes a bit to controlling, and a big moment like this will especially feel like he's wrested control in comparison to the rest of the campaign. But with the benefit of a few days, and talking to my dnd group about it (who don't know cr), spicificaly the other two dms of our group, it really just kinda was just a regular session with a few spicific (imo) bad spots. My friend also said something that kinda made me look at all this a little differently: "there cannot be a narrative without a narrator" and he is completely right. I'm adding that to my dming philosophy alongside "I am not fighting the players I'm telling a story with them," and "if my players are having fun then I did a good job." Speaking of the last one, all of the players in 51 did seem to be enjoying themselves, and I think if I was at that table that evening I would to.

Now I still think Matt may have set some DCs to high, Thule is a very, very good example of both why you don't generally see dm controlled creatures get bonus actions or player classes, and how fucking powerful having the turn economy advantage is in this game. Regardless of your beliefs on how Matt set the DCs, Thule is not built properly. At minimum she needs to loose the bonus actions. But people make mistakes, and I think its particularly important for us to know and remember that Matt makes mistakes, because if he can make mistakes, it makes all the dms who look up to him realize that maybe hes not an unattainable goal. Matt isn't the best dm ever. Hes not even the best dm of his generation most likely, I'm not saying hes bad though, far from it. But, disregarding the voice acting and just looking at his skill as a dm, alot of the reason so many see him as so great is simply his experience, and his synergy with his group. And mistakes builds that experience.

So a few thoughts on C3E51, and narrative and encounter design. First off - I loved the episode and thought it was incredibly exciting and engaging and a fun gameplay time. But to engage with a few of the criticism points I'm seeing, I will also say:

At this point I'm assuming the encounter was always planned to end with some version of the outcome we ended up with. Is that railroading? Sure, I guess, but it's also pretty standard D&D encounter design. The "win condition" here wasn't stopping Ludinus entirely, but rather to what degree they could mess up and stall his plans through sabotage. And frankly, I think they actually did pretty well! They destroyed the key in the Feywild and some of the batteries here, and it seems like Ludinus's plan did not go perfectly for him; so I imagine now they have time to react to a very slow and imperfect version of what he was trying to unleash. And that is the next narrative beat we had to get to in order to continue the story.

I know they rolled very low this encounter and many things did go wrong but even with that I came out of the episode thinking of this great quote from Star Trek: "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life." And that's sometimes an important story beat to hit! It certainly propelled Vox Machina forward after the fall of Emon, and the Apogee Solstice events seem to be performing a similar narrative role for Bells Hells.

To back up my interpretation here, there are a few things Matt did as a DM to signal that a failure here was not an Ultimate Failure and the point moving forward would be reacting to something fixable. The first was Ludinus's reaction to the machine breaking and his quickly covered up fear and uncertainty - he's trying to convince himself he "won" by the end but not as confident as he could be. The second is the fact that Matt took a lot of pains to point out in detail that team Orym, Laudna, Ashton could still see the beam of red shooting up into the sky at Ruidus. The moon prison hasn't been broken, it is breaking, and their efforts likely determined how badly and how much time they have to address it.

Anyway, wanted to push back against the "the encounter was unfair" or "railroading is bad" I've been seeing - the encounter was the encounter and served its purpose, and I recommend highly listening to Matt, Brennan, and Aabria talk about "railroading" in their GM roundtable to get a sense of it as a neutral rather than negative game design strategy.

There's a part 2 to this post but it was also long so it's HERE

#critical role

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rpbetter · 3 years ago

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I'm so tired of roleplaying with people who don't put half the commitment I do into our threads and muses. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm a weirdo or like I don't belong for that. Any other hobby and people wouldn't care if I took it seriously. Why is roleplaying different? How can I keep going like this if I'm getting rudeness from all sides? I can't even go outside my already tiny bubble and find more partners, because I always see people putting roleplayers like me down and it's exhausting.

"Why is roleplaying different?"

Well, Anon, I know that was a rhetorical question, but I have some thoughts on that. To the surprise of no one!

I strongly believe that this is an issue with how fandom has come to dominate roleplaying. As I've said before, it really wasn't always like that. Of course, you always had canon characters and almost all RPers were invested in a fandom or two. The difference was that online RP was once viewed much more like tabletop RPGs are.

When the RPC became a near-total offshoot of Fandom, a lot of shit changed and very rapidly...and within Fandom, a lot of shit was changing very rapidly as well at that time.

RP has always been something looked down on (though, at least no one ever accused written RP online of being literally demonic like they did DnD, or made correlations to murder sprees like they did LARPing, so there's that) as strange, not the good, understandable sort of dorky.

Part of that is almost certainly because of the difference in the way society views writing vs the way it views hobbies like gaming - writing is seen as an intellectual pursuit and a job, gaming, even at its most negative points of view in wider society, has been seen traditionally as a downtime activity only.

But. RP was not looked down upon from within Fandom or in roleplay communities themselves like it is now.

When the whole experience of fandoms themselves became extremely mainstream and open, it welcomed in a ton of shit ideas and behaviors that were not previously prevalent. It changed RP, too, along many of those same lines.

When your hobby is considered objectionably weird by people within the fandoms you love and RP in and that makes you a sort of lowest-tier fan, the viewpoint of RP to RPers becomes something lesser than a valid hobby. When RPers are the same people who engage with Fandom monetarily, anything not monetized is passively consumable content, including RP. And RPers are trying to both deflect shame and struggling with wider society's mixed messages, that now hit them everywhere online as well. Shit like, "you don't have to monetize your hobby, it's okay to just make really good cross stitches of memes for yourself" and "if you're not paying me, you have no control over me."

We seriously do not view RP as a proper hobby anymore, that's why. There are many factors to that, those are just few, but that's the ultimate answer. It's not seen that way because it's not valued in the same way.

I think much of the problem with muns losing their entire shit over anyone else approaching the hobby differently, dare I say...more seriously, is related to a lot of complex psychology about self-esteem, control, and anxiety. So many people here struggle with serious self-worth and confidence issues, and I think to many of them, whether they realize it or not, when they see serious RPers, they feel like that's an inherent judgment and a danger to their own enjoyment. Because RP, as writing, is a skilled hobby - the more you practice it, the more skilled you become with it. Meaning that someone who approaches the writing seriously is going to be at a higher skill level.

Enter the way we're training to think about writing again - when they see someone who is very practiced, skilled, and confident with their writing, the learned idea is that they're somehow superior in a nasty, personal way.

I most certainly do not think that makes it alright, it isn't, and I'm not very tolerant of it.

It's absolutely alright to engage with RP in any way you see fit. If that's extremely casual, it's a minor hobby for you, that's great! I'm so happy you're enjoying yourself, and I mean that in no facetious way. But not when that is the only form of it respected and accepted. It's just as alright to have RP as your primary, serious hobby!

The only way we can all enjoy a hobby with such great variance within it is by respecting each other's variables, not by vilifying them. It's recognizing that, no matter how much you enjoy the mun and/or muse, they're not engaging with the hobby in the way you are, it's not a good fit to write together. (Please, begging y'all to be friends with those who are different, not enemies, shit's sake. You've not got to write together to be friends!) Instead of labeling them and being hateful. Different =/= a threat.

And, to go off a bit lol y'all demonizing serious RPers really don't get that there are some intense tones of ableism and more going on in that narrative of yours, huh?

Not that anyone requires a reason to be serious about any hobby, but when people pick a hobby like RP as their primary one...you should probably have the maturity to consider why that is. Could it be that they focus on a hobby they can do from their homes and that requires low physical involvement, and has a degree of separation from direct socializing, for a reason?

Serious RPers tend to be limited in their ability to pursue other hobbies. Mental and physical health, region, finances, and ability to spend time outside of the home are all very common limits for those who "take RP too seriously/are addicted to RP."

Maybe take five seconds away from your own issues to consider that the person you're shitting on for something so minor as a difference of importance of a hobby might be the full-time caretaker of a special needs child, having to remain home and on a very small income. They might be chronically ill or suffer from agoraphobia. They might live in an area with no hobbies of interest, affordability, or at all...or they might live somewhere that is incredibly dangerous for them.

I honestly do not know where these people have been that they've been aggressed at by serious RPers, but that's usually the excuse. (I'm not saying it has never happened or does not happen, before anyone goes there.) The idea that serious RPers are extreme elitists who are demanding that other muns do what they do, how they do it. That they expect other muns to be online and RPing all the time, that they be "available for entertainment at all times" at the cost of real-life matters. Having the expectation that threads not be dropped constantly or that a writing partner not leave for months with no contact is neither of those things.

In over two decades of RPing across almost every platform type that has existed, I have literally never seen that be either a singular RPer-type problem or one that serious RPers are even more likely to deal in. I've seen the opposite, actually. Which is not a condemnation or a statement that all casual RPers do this, just what my experience has been. And one that actually stands to reason based on the way they view and engage with RP - quick replies, quick entertainment, and very low commitment to threads, muses, or other muns. Of course, it's annoying to them when a more serious RPer is unwilling to do rapid-fire style quick, short threads from an ask with them, but is writing the lengthy replies they already owed instead.

That's probably a factor as well, in here among a plethora of misunderstanding/unawareness of differences - for many serious RPers, it's not easier and more fun to write short, quick threads. So, what a casual RPer is seeing is that they're willing to put all this extraordinary effort into a massive reply to someone else while their easy, fun, quickly done thread is waiting in line.

Misunderstandings and unawareness breed hostility, period. And there is a hell of a lot of those things in the RPC.

What serious RPers are expressing are either boundaries/expectations or frustration. Not a demand that you be around all the time, but an expectation that you leave them alone if you're not also a serious RPer who will be committed to threads and muses. Not hostility and elitism, the frustration that it's already difficult to find muns who will work out before you add in the majority rule of casual RPers.

It's incredibly disheartening, frustrating, and honestly, a bit anxiety-inducing to constantly be the weird one, always have few choices, and to be at risk of being Problematic purely because you take the hobby seriously. You can't vent without someone jumping on your ass to remind you (even if you said numerous times that "real life comes first" and "people can do what they want") that omg, people have lives, people can do what makes them happy, it's just RP.

It's so upsetting when you think you might have found a good writing partner, then, you see a PSA they've reblogged about how it's a "hobby, not a jobby," and "no one owes anyone anything, ever." Excuse me, as that last one is a direct quote, let me redo it so it is verbatim: "no one owes anyone here anything - EVER !!!"

I said I wasn't very tolerant :)

But seriously, exactly what you've expressed is why I'm not...it's another form of controlling others instead of trying your best to control your own experience, and it's often extremely hateful. I'm not tolerant of anything like that, it's no longer supporting preferences at that point. When your preference is the only one that will be tolerated in the community, it's not a preference anymore.

It's something that makes others feel isolated, afraid of harassment, and depressed. It is a hobby and it isn't supposed to make you feel like that!

And, no, absolutely the fuck not lol the "answer" to this isn't that you're taking it too seriously and need to take a break. I'm so tired of seeing that shit tacked onto RPH responses and vents and PSAs. You're not saying that RP is making you feel this way, "just take a break and come back when you agree with everyone else" isn't a solution.

Of course, if you do feel like your time here has become so upsetting? Yeah, obviously, you should try to find some other things to supplement your downtime that make you feel happier again. Engage in some other forms of writing just meant for yourself, or that can be published as fics. Spend some more time on a game you enjoy for a while, or get invested in a new one. Learn to shape bonsai or make no-knead rolls. Whatever would make you happy as a hobby when you're not here.

Other than that, however, well...we're not going to be implying on this blog that you're too serious and need to take a hiatus until you have no emotional investment in your hobby. That's insane. I'd not say it about hiking, martial arts, dog obedience competitions, hobby farming, or painting either.

I wish I could think of some solutions as to where you could look that wasn't like this, but it's definitely the majority of the RPC. It doesn't help that, due to this, serious RPers have a tendency to quietly stick together and not venture out into the RPC. They're just not incredibly easy to find.

I will say that they tend to be:

novella - if you're not here for serious RP and sticking around for a while, you're not going to invest the time and energy into particularly lengthy writing

older RPers - I would say that twenty-five is probably the youngest, with early thirties to late forties being the majority

in fandoms with a large adult base of fans - even if it's a franchise friendly to, or even meant for, younger fans, if it has a particularly active adult fanbase, it's a better chance of finding serious RPers in it

as above, old fandoms - fandoms that have been around for a long time tend to have more serious RPers in them

fandomless OCs - tend to have a higher chance of being written by serious RPers than canons or heavily fandom-involved OCs

RPers who do not do a ton of advertising for their muse(s), but when they do, they don't advertise them based on activism points or trends

slightly more likely to not have an emphasis on highly aesthetic blogs, graphics, icons etc. - they use a modified basic tumblr theme, low on graphics, their aesthetics are not on-trend, for example

anti-content policing/"write what you want" style muns

muns with more extensive rules pages - they plan to be here for a while, they take writing, RP, and their muse(s) seriously, so, it's a bit more important to them to head off problems before they start

those with older characters/FCs - be that literally in age or the character being one that has existed for a long time

"stay in your lane" style muns - if they're opining on fandom or the RPC, they must really be angry about something

those with numerous and detailed headcanons - for example, their response to a HC meme ask like, "what's your muse's favorite ice cream flavor?" is going to be treated seriously, not simply answered with "mint chocolate chip because my bby is gross"

As usual, not a complete or perfect list. I don't fit some of the things on there! It could give you some things to look for when trying to find other serious RPers, though. It's based on observances from someone who was never a casual RPer, even as a minor (me, obviously), and maybe it could at least keep you from continuously running into hostility about your approach to RP.

I've honestly considered making a list of some sort expressly for RPers who are on the more serious end of the spectrum, but...in a RPC back when things were dominated by serious RPers, I did that sort of thing with a RPH I had, and it still got labeled as being a list for and by Elitists. I don't know that anyone would want to put themselves out there for potential harassment on tumblr, you know? It was a joke then, just having a group of RPers label you as an Elitist. Here, you get told to kill yourself, and none of us need more of that shit, right?

Try to hang in there, Anon, I know it's upsetting, and I'm so sorry that something fun has gotten to be like this.

Try to understand that these people are coming from a place of irrational defensiveness, often in response to bullying themselves at some point or feeling bad about themselves. That doesn't make it right, but it does make it easier to not take to heart.

And keep at it! In my experience here, once you find a group of people you fit into, it really is...A Group. Especially among RPers who are ostracized, they stick together, they promote each other, and they're very happy for their mutuals to become your mutuals. Once you find them, it unlocks so many opportunities for the interactions and type of RP you've been missing!

#answered #anonymous #serious rpers #rp problems #rp advice

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lichbarry · 4 years ago

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A host’s perspective on Molly, Lucien, and approaching identity (spoilers for c2e117)

This is NOT going to be as eloquent as I want it to be and I can only speak for myself and my own opinions, but this is for @creativside and anyone else who wants to hear this particular perspective. Again, I’m speaking only for myself, not for every single system, especially not for Molly or Lucien fictives. I’m also referring only to DID systems here but OSDD systems, I see you.

I don’t really advertise it on this blog (or anywhere), but I’m the host of a DID system. My relationship with the system is not quite the same as other systems we’ve gotten to talk to but nevertheless communication has greatly improved since our diagnosis and I dare say that I feel “valid” enough to try to sludge through how I’m feeling about the whole situation with Molly/Lucien. Put under a cut b/c it’s long

For anyone who might not understand the connection I’m trying to draw: a situation where there is one body that has been inhabited by two different consciousnesses who are not otherwise aware of each other and who have different personalities, abilities, and ambitions is a situation that directly parallels the textbook DID experience. Having people call you by a different name, talk about things you supposedly did with them but have no recollection of, and having people ask or expect that they will be able to talk to this other person in your body whenever they want are all things that pretty much every system goes through. I’m not saying that Lucien has DID, but there are a lot of identical and/or incredibly similar terms and concepts being thrown around regarding him, so for the sake of this thinkpiece I’m essentially going to be acting like he does.

I’m going to make some bullet points and just try to give my two cents on how everyone is approaching this situation:

Molly was a real person, just as much as Lucien. This was discussed by some of the characters, but I’m just validating it. Lucien called Molly a “fragment” of himself-- fragment is a term systems use to describe a certain “type” of alter. DID fragments are alters who typically aren’t as “developed” as some of the others in the system, meaning that they may only exist to feel a particular emotion, store a certain memory, or carry out one very specific function. In my experience, fragments do have names just like any other system member, but likely don’t have much distinguishing personality beyond that. From what we know about Molly when he first “woke up”, calling him a fragment would be accurate. He was, originally, a consciousness who only knew a singular feeling-- emptiness. That’s all he was. But he was still his own consciousness, his own unique person, and as we all saw, he was able to grow beyond his emptiness and develop into a fully realized creation (to borrow a term). His being a fragment wouldn’t have invalidated him as being his own separate person in the first place, but the Molly we knew was no longer a fragment; he was just... a person! By the time we parted ways with him, he was just as complex and unique of an identity as Lucien is. He is not as simple as Lucien is making him out to be, we know this.

Lucien implied that Molly integrated into him and is not dormant. What do these terms mean? Dormancy (or becoming dormant) is experienced a little bit differently for each system, but generally an alter becoming dormant means they no longer appear in the headspace/inner world, cannot communicate or interact with any system members, and will not be able to front/switch out (take control of the body). In our system, becoming dormant is equivalent to becoming comatose. Due to the way our inner world is constructed, we do know where the “body” of our dormant alter is, but we cannot interact with her in any way, nor does she interact with us or appear anywhere else in the headspace. Integration, on the other hand, is better explained in the context of fusion from Steven Universe. A few years ago, I (the current host) integrated with our gatekeeper & primary protector (basically the one who managed the functioning of the system). Where once we were two separate consciousnesses who inhabited the same headspace, we are now joined together into someone who is a little bit of both of us, just like when two gems fuse in SU. I also happen to be the core (the consciousness who was in the body when we were born), so it could be seen as her simply “returning” to me, or fusing back with me after having broken off during her formation. Complete system integration is the end goal of some therapies, but there are some alters who view integration to be the same as dying, since the alter as a singular unique consciousness no longer exists but is instead “merged” into the consciousness of another system member. Lucien said something along the lines of his soul having been fragmented but now fused back together. He appears to believe that he is the only consciousness currently in his body. This means that Molly is not “trapped” inside somewhere waiting to be set free. It also implies that it would not be possible to “get Molly back” as we remember him without finding a way to fracture Lucien’s soul again. Depending on your view of integration, you can view this two ways:

Molly is Lucien, and/or Molly is dead. Matt’s slips of the tongue in continuously calling him Mollymauk further supports the idea that Molly is integrated, not dormant, and therefore is Lucien in one way or another. Molly was, after all, a part of Lucien all along, and despite having developed into his own personality in the wild 2 years he was fronting for, all that he was are now part of what Lucien is. That being said, it is clear that Lucien, just like Mollymauk, is his own person with his own goals, quirks, abilities, and personality traits. Aspects of Mollymauk do live in him, but being fused does not mean that we’re going to recognize all parts of who Molly was in who Lucien is now. Lucien (we’re assuming) is the core, the original consciousness of the body, and is thus far more developed than Molly ever had the chance to be. They’re the same person in the sense that Molly is no longer a separate entity, but not the same person in that Lucien has any of Molly’s memories or would suddenly feel compelled to start acting more like him just because they integrated.

Mollymauk is not back; Lucien is. The Mollymauk we knew is not there anymore, and it’s a good time to mourn him. I don’t know what kind of DND fuckery Matt or the cast might be able to do, but from my perspective of what’s going on, Molly isn’t going to suddenly pop out or break free or anything like that. Mollymauk as an individual died when we saw him die, and I think the Mighty Nein are at least starting to realize that. Lucien even genuinely offered his condolences. Again, it’s DND, there’s always some chance that they might find a way to talk to their friend again, but by this point the idea is making me uncomfortable. Trying to separate Molly from Lucien again at this point feels... unnatural and disrespectful. No one has ever sought to de-integrate the alter that I integrated with, but I would be very disturbed if they did, and the idea of doing that even in this context unsettles me. Find hope in the possibility if you want to, but I’m probably never going to support it. Molly is a part of Lucien now and I think both we and the Nein need to accept that. Lucien may be evil, but he has just as much right to be in control of his own body as Molly did (arguably more, but I’m not getting into that debate). Whether you like Lucien or not, it’s his body, now only his, and no one has any right to take that away from him. I know it’s not exactly the same and it’s probably not how people mean to come off, but I can’t help imagining me in this position. If someone was very close with the alter I integrated with and did everything in their power to try to make her split off again, even if it meant harming me or making me lose autonomy over my mind & body... you can see how that’s a very uncomfortable thought, at the least. Again, I’m not saying anyone is inherently bad for wanting Molly back or missing him, I’m just saying that the situation we’re being presented with is that it’s only Lucien now and we & the m9 should respect that. If you want to mourn Molly, now’s as good a time as any. You even have Lucien’s blessing. That being said...

Lucien doesn’t want to know about Molly, and that’s fine. As someone pointed out (I think Jester?), Molly didn’t want to know about Lucien either. As is the case with a lot of systems who don’t have well-developed communication, they’re practically strangers to each other. All they knew about each other is what was on their body when they woke up and what other people (also strangers) told them they supposedly did once. Again, parts of Molly exist in Lucien, and I’m sure aspects of Lucien existed in Molly, and even now there are some similarities to draw. But neither Lucien nor Molly have any obligation to feel kinship towards each other. In their eyes, they are two completely different people who have never interacted. Systems only start to feel like families after a long time of having good communication, of developing relationships, of working through trauma or the complications that come with having DID. From what we’ve been told, Molly and Lucien likely never even developed a headspace or been in a situation where they would’ve had the possibility of actually meeting. People are just talking to them about someone they didn’t know and honestly the typical response is to just nod along in the moment and decide if you really want to unpack that later. And not wanting to explore who this stranger who inhabited your body was is a completely valid response! Especially given that Lucien doesn’t explicitly have DID-- he doesn’t have the goal of trauma recovery, nor does he have any reason to find out more about who Molly was given that he’s now supposedly fully integrated. Again, it’s more a matter of autonomy. Lucien is his own person, and to him Molly might as well have been something he called himself when he spent 2 years blackout drunk (which, let’s be real, is a pretty accurate comparison). Sometimes it’s fun to hear accounts of what other system members got up to when they fronted, but that’s only after years of therapy and working through my own feelings about having DID. Before that, there were times when it felt like a frustrating invasion of privacy, or an unnerving sense of losing control of not only what I did, but what it meant to be me. I don’t really see Lucien struggling with these things, but I’m just saying that there’s only so much he can be expected to care about who Molly was given his circumstances.

This got super long and I’m never sure how to conclude these things, or if that’s even all my thoughts on the matter. Send me asks if you want to I guess, just please be respectful. I’m not trying to start any arguments, I’m just giving my perspective/how I feel about this situation as a system host.

tldr; Molly integrated with Lucien and it’s more respectful/probable to assume that he’s not coming back the way people wanted him to. Getting Molly back the way people expected is incredibly unsettling to me because it takes away Lucien’s autonomy and basically says that Molly is more important than Lucien’s control over his own body because we like Molly more. Their situation does resemble the experience of being part of a system in a lot of ways and I don’t know how to feel about it besides just kind of awkwardly going “ahaha” and looking around to see how singlets are approaching this.

Again, not saying there’s a right or wrong way to feel about this, nor am I “diagnosing” Lucien with DID. Just talking about connections I’ve made and the things that I relate to/make me uncomfortable. Whether Matt is aware of how much this situation resembles DID or not, I think that he’s handling it incredibly well and have no complaints about Lucien or Molly’s characterizations.

#cr spoilers #did #dissociative identity disorder #mollymauk tealeaf #lucien #the nonagon #cr c2e117 #c2e117 #spoilers #not sure how this post is gonna go over but here it is

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wetalkedaboutthisshinji · 5 years ago

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Musing about Malazan’s Tiste people

One of the reasons Malazan is so charming to me is how it uses the basic rules of the LOTR/DnD clichés along with more realistic sociological knowledge. Mind you, Erikson and Esslemont are not the first to do this, by any means. By this point this approach is a cliché on itself. Nevertheless there´s something about Malazan that is different from other “edgy, realistic” epic fantasy I´ve read about.

For instance, the Tiste peoples, which are clearly EnE´s version of elves. Tall, beautiful, nearly immortal. I´m still not finished with the main series nor have read the Kharnakas trilogy, but I´m already aware that the more you dwell in them the more they also take another of the main point of LOTR elves that gets so often lost in adaptations: they are inherently inhuman in nature and have differences in how they were created and how they will die.

I like how they took the noticeable tropes of the high, wood and dark elves and then work with that to create interest characters. And I like how those interesting characters work within the boundaries of their own cultures and beliefs and how magic and their own supernatural nature plays with that. Trull is different from every other Tiste Edur, but he is nevertheless an Edur, product of Edur society. And Edur society is a result of its magic powers and supernatural long age, but it is also very much a product of its environment, belief system and religion. That this religion happens to come from breathing, living gods make little different for the average Edur that has never and will never see their gods and founders. And I think that´s the magic behind it all. EnE understand the dichotomy of fantasy and how the unreal and real needs each other.

That being said, I´m freaking over the fact that Lady Envy is technically a Tiste. So Scabandaris (who is either a Tiste Andii or a Tiste Edur) had a child with Tiam, who is like the Dragon/Eleint Goddess. This child is Sheltatha and she would end up as one of the Lethe Tiste Edur goddesses (Daughter Dusk). Sheltatha apparently had a child with Draconus, who was an Elder god(?). Or at least that´s what I got from now by Midnight Tides, BUT I KNOW that stuff can be different (and the wiki says stuff that contradicts this but I TRY not to read too much of that). My point is, if Lady Envy, the random, beautiful, apparently human sorcerress from Memories of Ice, is actually maybe 1/4-1/2 Tiste (maybe Edur) and about 1/2 or more God or dragon. Which is really cool. And I don´t know why but I really loved the idea of her as a Tiste, like she just appeared that way due to a visual spell. I think I love the idea of seeing a random magic user and realizing they are a stranded member of a species you´ve seen elsewhere. It would somehow give away some humanity in an ironic way because ultimately even isolated people have to come from somewhere and it would have been such a cool moment to see this random, immortal magic user be a part of the previously established race of immortal magic user.

I realize that´s probably not what EnE where going for and that the lore will probably go somewhere else but I couldn´t stop imagining a scene where some spell backfires and Envy suddenly stops looking like a beautiful human and then looks like just another Tiste Edur. Maybe even Toc comments how much he looks like Anomander (sans skin color ofc) and how while she still looks beautiful she looks “less godlike”, thinner and much more aged. And how this would annoy Lady Envy so she would try to look more “human” immediately. Because often the aspects of our bodies aren´t always things we control and it would be very humanizing for me to see that a being that comes off as random and mysterious has a stubborn dislike for her natural look, especially since we see that she is so separated from people she shares a blood link. I went FULL FANFIC MODE there but I like the idea so much that I need to write it down, lol.

#malazan #malazan book of the fallen

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grifalinas · 5 years ago

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(Crossposted from Dreamwidth)

A few days ago, I was playing around with a draw of Eurig and inverted his color pallet for funsies, and thought it looked cool and made him look like an ice elemental. Last night I decided to play with the idea, so I drew him goofing off with some of my elemental dnd characters.

Which has me thinking of them again, and how I'm probably never gonna get to do anything with them and definitely won't get to do anything with ALL of them, so I'm going to make a little world to keep them in. I'm also sprinkling in a few of the Crescendos, because I want Eurig to be there and I can't bring him over without Axel and Saul, and etc. I think all told it's the main five? Because the only other two I've decided to bring over are Raptorr and Howl.

Anyway! Need to do a bit of organizing of thoughts and characters. The story/world is called Mosswall, for the area where they live, with Safepoint being the name of the specific village. (Funnily enough, Mosswall is a part of the Abyssal Crescendo setting. Hmm.) Rather than start off as a big group, the characters are sorted into smaller groups, and the stories are about their mundane (to them) day to day lives as inhabitants of an inherently magical world. Over time the groups start to overlap, because Mosswall is a small area, and everyone knows everyone.

-Group One: Ash and Bron. Ash is a local schoolteacher, and Bron is her boarder and general dogsbody. To all appearances, they're two ordinary people in a slow burn domestic romance. What people don't know is that both of them are ex-soldiers- Bron fell in battle during a war between the bigger kingdoms to the west of the largely unsettled area that Mosswall falls in, and Ash was a general in the same war, on the opposite side. (Ash may be a demigod, I need to think this through.) Bron was restored by a goddess who was moved by his sacrifice, and he now serves as her cleric, putting good in the world to atone for the wickedness he was responsible for before (which I need to come up with the details to). Among these includes discovering that the war was not a case of good vs evil and more a case of politics vs politics with gods involved. Ash, on the other hand, was created by her father to help them take care of the people on their side of the war, because he realized that the god he served saw them as mere tools and he loved them. Ash is biding her time regaining power so that she can look for her father, who was diminished after their defeat but, being a god, not actually destroyed. Right now she and Bron are doing their best to put more good back into the world, in part by helping people, in part by getting people to help each other, and in part by teaching the next generation to be a little more kind.

-Group Two: Rall, Seven, and Poe. These three are the only ones to remain adventurers in the carry-over; Rall and Seven are both thrill-seekers, while Poe is seeking his missing lover, who vanished in the area several years ago while doing work as an adventurer himself. Rall is a water-elemental who was raised by turtle-people, and after finding out a few years ago that she was adopted ("What do you mean I'm adopted?!" wailed the five-foot-tall mammal with no claws, no shell, and humany flesh), she set out into the world to find out what, exactly, she IS. (What she is, for those curious, is the daughter of a human (?) and a minor water god. Since such beings are relatively common but also manifest in lots of different ways, she's never actually met anyone like her and has no idea what she is.) Seven is a bird-person, who was kidnapped by pirates after his colony was raided, and then after leaving his ship went on to become an adventurer instead. (By the way, the pirates weren't the ones who raided his colony, they happened to come along afterward and found him while they were searching for survivors. The pirates rescued him.) Poe, as mentioned, is seeking his lost lover; they were a case of a rich boy falling in love with a woodsman's son, and Poe's parents were against the union. His lover, Cadius, went out to seek a fortune by helping tame the unsettled land to the east, and vanished. Poe was at school at the time he received word of Cadius's death (the news was fudged by his parents), and after he shut down in grief, he was visited by a divine entity who offered him power and help in finding his lost love in exchange for fealty, and he accepted this. So now he's a magic user, and he works as an adventurer (called "for hires" in this verse, since they're essentially people for hire to do pretty much anything, whether that be typical mercenary work or something else entirely). Cadius will eventually be found in the forest, magically transformed into a bear and needing the curse on him broken.

-Group Three: Cylev and Raptorr. Cylev is a friar in the forest, as well as being a werewolf, and Raptorr is his young... ward? roommate? boarder? Well, he lives there, anyway. Like in the original Crescendo story, Raptorr is a unicorn who ran away from home when his father refused to recognize him as a boy, and he ended up in Mosswall, where Cylev gave him a place to stay. He alternates between learning Cylev's healing arts, and just being a general nuisance to the populace at large. Cylev, contrasting his brash young ward, is a gentle and quiet soul, and is seeking the inner peace needed to live at harmony with the wolf within him.

-Group Four: The Branu. Yeah, them again. Too many to name here; the relevant members are Axel, Howl, Quin, Jackdaw, Merla, and Jay. The Branu are in this instance a group of entertainers, who during spring and summer travel to the various villages in Mosswall to perform. In this verse, Howl is a foundling, who was taking in by Quin and is now studying to be a stage magician. She also may have accidentally killed her family but she doesn't want to talk about it.

-Group Five: Eurig and Saul. Both members of the Knightguard, a knight order who have been charged to protect people within the boundaries of Mosswall. Eurig also happens to be an ice elemental and Saul has cool sand powers, so they've got that going for them too. While not adventurers, the sort of jobs they have to do overlap in type with the for hires in group two.

At some point these stories are going to start overlapping (this is one reason I deliberately but Eurig/Axel and Raptorr-Howl into separate groups). Also I didn't realize until I started typing it up how many of them have a direct connection to deities, or were set on their path specifically by a deity of some kind, and now I'm wondering how much overlap there is. Maybe all of them were put into place by a single string-pulling deity? It's an intriguing thought that would point to something bigger at play, but if I don't have much to do with it I might leave it alone. That said, the more deities there are between them the more I personally have to create.

(Also, I have two defunct deities sitting in a folder somewhere that could either/or be perfect for this, so. Something to consider.)

Anyway, I don't expect to do much with this idea, I just want to have a world where my characters can exist and enjoy themselves. Also, it feels like the sort of setting you'd use for an animated show, so it'll be nice to have it here in case I ever get the chance to pitch a show idea to an animation production company who will be all "ooh that sounds cool, let's run with it!"

#mosswall tag

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for-peace-war · 6 years ago

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DM Talk: Morality

I wanted to take a few moments to discuss a few topics (probably on Wednesdays!) that have come up as an ST/DM, particularly because they’re often left to a nuanced stance that I believe is unsatisfying when the person arbitrating ultimately can say “it is because I say so.” While that holds true to any outcome from a DM, I believe responsible DMing is a matter of consistency in judgment with the ability to explain one’s rationale once it comes up.

I am starting with the topic of morality because, quite frankly, I have always been pretty wary of the DnD system. I understand that it is a simplistic formula: chaotic <-> lawful freedom vs order evil <-> good is selfishness vs altruism. That being said, there are routinely incidents that require caveats such as, “What do I do when a law is bad?” Slavery, often, is used here. Is freeing a slave the correct thing to do if a society values it? Well, then you turn to the internal system of law (one’s mantra), which really makes the “lawful” designation spurious. Lawful good starts to mean “the DM decided this was a lawfully good action,” so on and so forth without actually being able to assign a value to it.

So, how would I address that?

In First Philosophy, Descartes came to the adage we all know: “I think, therefore I exist.” The importance of that is not that “only I matter,” but that I can only know what I understand. All other people, regardless of who or what they are or how closely related they may be, are individuals with their own finite view of the world.

This is relevant to this point: morality should not be based on what “the whole” would think, but consistently how the self views matters. Ego is important here only insofar as the Self is a constant that we can judge the value of actions on.

In order to determine what is “good,” let us first start with neutrality. We can assume that bad is a privation of neutrality. We are hungry when we do not have enough food to feel sated. In this way, hunger exists only when satiety is no longer maintained. Now, an excess of food would also be a privation of satiety, because an upset stomach is suffering. So “goodness” must result from when the privation exists and is alleviated. It is the process by which the privation is removed:

I am hungry. (-Evil)

I eat food. (+Good)

I am satisfied. (=Neutral)

Now, naturally, one could argue that eating the wrong thing is bad in a way and that is a complexity that deals with more than is immediately being stated. Let us simply agree that it is better to feel satisfied than to suffer its absence. Keep in mind that “good” is not an inherent trait here, it is an action and a person may be inclined toward that action more often than not, but a “good” person and a “neutral” person likely do not seem very different until a matter arises which requires the action of one.

Let it be said here, as well, that though I have posited that “neutrality” is the natural state, things incline toward chaos and evil in the same way gravity inclines us toward the ground, or not eating inclines us toward hunger. If a person does not eat they will not ‘suddenly be full and happy,’ they will find an end to suffering in the form of death, but that is not an action that was meant to alleviate the problem, merely bring it to an end.

In other words, a character’s natural progression without any internal effort would be one approaching chaos and evil, which the “loot starved adventurer” rapidly approaches until either someone expends the energy to right the course or something pushes them toward a consideration outside of greed and advancement.

Also, once more to clarify, “goodness” is not a state of being so much as it is a constant practice. If a person ‘would do good but isn’t doing good,’ then how are they good? Evil by contrast can exist as a natural state because it does not require the influence of a third party. One agent can spread evil, whereas the agent of good requires that state to prove their goodness.

But let us look at the “chaos/law” scale, as well.

As has been stated, we do not know what the whole of any society desires. We know only ourselves. Thus, law should be dependent on the consistency in which our actions relate specifically to the outcome we understand. Let us say that “lawful” is an action that we would commit regardless of if it is to ourselves, or something else, “neutral” is an action that we commit with infrequency in consistency, and “chaotic,” is an action we commit to others that likely we would not wish done to ourselves.

In this case, let us use food once more as an example.

If a person is hungry, they can steal food with which to eat. Now, this is a chaotic action if the person does not wish to be stolen from themselves. And in truth, as the idea of “theft” is a pejorative, then we can agree that no one wants to be stolen from. A person may not mind that someone in need has stolen from them (be it spiritually or materialistically), but that is only germane insofar as if they had the ability to alleviate their suffering by some other means then they would commit themselves to that path.

Thus, if a person were “alright” with being stolen from “because a person was hungry,” then they are not in favor of theft, they are in favor of the person being satisfied, in which case they might give the person something and fulfill their desire as well as the other’s.

This denies “relative alternatives” because relativism does not speak to the problem, merely the conditions by which they are considered. Again, even if the thief is willing to steal to save his family, the theft has not been made “good” or “lawful,” it is just that you would want the thief to be able to provide for their family, which means that if a legal manner of doing this were possible it would be preferred to this illicit action.

I apologize for this brief tangent into the legality of theft, but ethical quandaries there will often bog people down.

That being said, let us look at the case of the thief.

If a person is hungry and willing to steal from someone else (even though they would themselves not like to be stolen from), then this is a case of chaos. If people were to live in this way, then ultimately there would no consistent order.

If a person is hungry and willing to steal if it is possible, or to wait if they believe there is some gain to be had from that, then they are more neutral in their inclination. Again, this assumes that we agree that “theft” is bad.

And finally, the lawful option would be a person refusing to steal because they would not wish to be stolen from either.

Then, let us apply this specifically to a character.

Todd.

Todd is a wizard that is considered lawful good. For this reason, Todd will only commit actions that he would feel acceptably committed against himself and that work to alleviate the suffering of others.

Todd encounters a villain, a cruel dragon, that states unless Todd gives him his staff then he will eat a nearby villager.

Now, let us consider these aspects:

This staff is Todd’s property, would he wish for it to be taken away?

This villager’s life is in danger, would he wish to be placed in danger?

This dragon has threatened someone, would he threaten someone to achieve his desired outcome?

First, the staff. The staff could be very valuable to Todd or worth absolutely nothing, ultimately this is a matter of theft. One may weight the value of the staff against the villager’s life, but that is relative. If it was a kitten, would that change the outcome? It is better to say that the theft is bad and Todd would not wish to give up the staff so much as he would wish to ensure the villager was safe. If Todd was all powerful, he also would not wish to demand something in order to achieve an outcome with threat of violence to another.

Then, the villager. Again, Todd would not wish to be placed in danger but he also realizes that the dragon is powerful. All the same, the dragon is again the antagonist in this situation in that its actions are cruel and place danger on someone else, something that Todd would not appreciate in that situation (nor would the dragon).

And finally, is threatening someone alright? No, because a threat is an attempt to gain an outcome that is favorable, which could be done by other means.

When these things are considered, if Todd is lawful (consistent to self) and good (willing to effect a change to end suffering) then his answer is locked in: he will not negotiate with the dragon.

This is not to say that lawful good is the correct morality, merely that to be consistent would be that outcome because it considers both what Todd would want and how to address the situation at hand.

A chaotic good option, which would be more preferable, might be to lie (which Todd would not want someone to do to him) and try to sneak the villager away some other way, but the lawful (ego) and good (positive) option is to either fight the dragon or convince it to relinquish the villager without giving up anything.

Obviously, this outcome is the most difficult one.

Let us hope Todd is a very good wizard. That said, with this formula you could always consistently determine a character’s actions and how they should be viewed. Down the line, if you remove relativism (which is often weighted on a DM’s expectations) then the value of the action is very clear.

#dm talk

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risuave · 4 years ago

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Blog #8: Voices in my Head Again

Today’s shout out goes to Jay Shetty & Dr. Daniel Amen for their discussion on the brain and for this particular exercise.

Special shout out to Kristina on her special day. Get those gifts like you’re looting a boss in a DnD campaign!!

So over the past few weeks, I’ve been talking about a great many different aspects. And sure, from a “high minded” perspective, things sound so easy. Of course, I should live in truth! Self-love? Hell yeah, sign me up! Accepting my own toxicity and slowing down my ego? Yes PLEASE!

Of course, it’s all great on paper. But as every person who is breathing knows: such ideals, such things are so much easier said than done. There’s just one problem: our brains and our minds. The voices are actually real: we may not actually physically hear them as some do, but that nagging self-doubt is real. That voice making excuses is real. That ultra-critical asshole telling you all the things you did wrong is real. And guess what? It’s not just you: even when you feel like it is, that’s just not true. Everyone has them. Everyone gets to deal with them.

The thing is that as humans, we’ve sort of had it engrained from us from the very beginning that we’re supposed to shut that stuff down. We’re supposed to “control” our humanity. Men are told to “be cool” because “men are always stoic and not the ones that can let shit bother them.” Women are told to “act like a lady.”

So we clamp down, we control, we keep that shit locked down. And the result is that things just always feel HARDER. We become hunters, always looking for something to go wrong so that we can stop it from going wrong. Fun thing about that is that when you’re always looking for a problem, everything becomes a problem, and then you’re ACTUALLY going to have a problem.

One of the things this leads to the most is what I call the “self-sabotage of the easy.” Hear a thousand songs about the hustle, hear about a million successful people who went through hard times and it becomes ingrained in your brain that easy is wrong. Easy is bad. For some, if their job is easy the voices say that CLEARLY, something is just wrong: they feel they need to walk because it’s not ‘fulfilling’ or they’re clearly messing up somehow. If a relationship just feels easy; if communication is easy and the worst of fights are tampered by healthy boundaries and communication, then that voice tells you that something is just fucking WRONG and the other shoe is sure to drop. People are inherently TERRIFIED of easy. But you know what makes things easy? Being GOOD at them. Learning good communication. Learning self-love and self-control. When people walk away from healthy relationships or good work, it’s usually because, without evidence, they fear a problem. The world in your mind I talked about last week starts to imprint on the physical world, and before you know it you’ve ruined something really great. Take it from a guy with a lot of experience: self-sabotage is a bitch.

Embracing the contradictions and the chaos of humanity helps address all of that. Things are easy BECAUSE things were hard, you put in the work to learn and to grow, and you made it easier: not because it changed, but because you did (no matter WHAT that self-critical voice is telling you.) Trying to fight that, to control it, is foolish and harmful. True control doesn’t come from trying to squeeze something tight and control the outcome: those are a fool's ideas of control. You show me a good and healthy relationship, whether it’s with the self or with another, that’s full of restrictions on what you can and can’t do, who you can’t and can’t be around (unless they’re dangerous, obviously) and I’ll call you a liar. True control of self comes from knowing that things are good, are natural, without you needed to exert any force. Even when things are “bad,” actively focusing on it and trying to “control” it makes it worse: ESPECIALLY when the ego we talked about last week kicks in and we try to control someone else’s self. When you let that shit go, when you don’t focus on it with all your might and try and work it like a problem, you gain control over those voices.

Contradictory, I know.

Through control, we can better our relationships. We can better rise above our demons without needing to resort to using things to try and “tamp them down” or to “not feel:” they don’t get smaller and you can’t stop yourself from feeling. In finding an environment where we can embrace these things, in creating a space for ourselves where we can do this work, we benefit not only our higher selves but those around us. Trust me, you’ll tell the difference between someone who’s actually mature and in control and someone trying to exert control from a place of fear and insecurity. Generally speaking, that second group is going to cause you a great deal of unintentional harm: not because they’re cruel and they want to, but because they cannot help themselves. Love them, understand them, but love yourself more and take the space so that you don’t become that same level of toxic.

But again, all of this is great on paper but these are just words. Great as something to consider, not practical in application. Because even knowing all of that doesn’t actually silence the voices. It doesn’t make you beat yourself up any less. So let’s take this to the practical world and actually DO something!

Fortunately, there are practices to help you get there. One exercise I discovered in quarantine that I’ve particularly enjoyed comes from Dr. Daniel Amen: a renowned psychiatrist and brain disorder specialist. The next time you find yourself wrestling with a negative thought, a self-critical doubt, a depressing sadness, pause. Take a breath and write down what you’re thinking. Yes, I know, I’m asking you to use a pen and paper, but just go with me on this one. Write the thought down. Let’s go with one of my classics.

“That person looked at me funny when I said something; they must be judging me.” Or, to make it simpler: “This person is judging me.”

Ok, so now you have the thought out of your head. Now we can work on it. Look at that statement and ask yourself: is it true? Yes, I know you originally THOUGHT it was true but now that it’s out on the paper ask yourself the question again.

Is it true? Answer: Well…you’re not them, so you don’t know. Could be. Could not be.

Next question: Is it absolutely true? Is it 100%? Since we just established that you don’t know, the answer is no.

Now look at that thought again; a thought that is not absolutely true. How do you feel when you have that thought? How does it feel when that voice is telling you you’re being judged? Answer: awful. Sad. Alone. Like an outsider.

Who would you be if you didn’t have that thought? Free.

Now take that thought and turn it to its opposite: once you’ve done that work, you’ll realize the opposite is usually true. That look was literally just a look. So why are you torturing yourself over…well…nothing?

Try to make this a habit. Learn to question your thoughts. Learn to embrace the contradictions of humanity. Start to ask yourself these questions and let the voices just chatter away: things can be easy and life doesn’t need everything to be controlled.

Because guess what? Those voices miss one thing: you, just being you, is already perfect.

— V

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dragongirldreams · 6 years ago

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So, I guess it’s time enough that I should talk about my experience with Tumblr. I mean, it’s only been, what, a couple months since I said I would talk about it?

...イヤァァですけどー...(For those who can’t read Japanese: “...Iyaaa desu kedo~...” so it would mean something like “...Even though it’s unpleasant...” or ”...Even though I’m reluctant...”)(...what? You think I’m stalling? Me? Stalling? Using the Japanese language? Stalling? ...Okay, okay, you got me.

Uh... the thing is, unlike my time spent on that forum and on Deviantart, the time I spent on Tumblr, well... I don’t really look back on it fondly. And I guess it might have been part of the reason there isn’t really a “4th” influential site...

I- I’m not talking about you though! That era was already looong over by the time my sister had me make this blog. All the people that follow me, and all the people I follow, you’ve all been great!

This already has a fair bit more than I usually put above the “Read More,” so, let’s, uh, continue this there. I suppose the above counts as ample enough warning.

So, uh, to offer a slight recap... There are 3 specific sites I (somewhat frequently) visited at specific times early on in my internet life that stick out to my as “significantl” somehow. I don’t know, I just consider them “important.”

The “First” was a roleplaying forum I was a regular on. I wasn’t really good at roleplaying, honestly, but that wasn’t important. While it was the main focus, roleplaying wasn’t the only thing we talked about. This was the first internet community I really felt a part of, the first place I felt I could be myself, really. It was also where I learned that even on the Internet there were unspoken rules and things you “just shouldn’t say,” when I said why “shapeshifting” was the superpower I wanted, and everyone else called me “weird” for it.

The “Second” was Deviantart. I didn’t actually make an account here, because I was starting to get self-conscious. I mean, I wasn’t going to be writing any stories, (my roleplaying was bad enough when I have other people to help me, I’m sure it would be even worse when I have to come up with everything myself) and I wasn’t going to be writing too many comments, (what if I said something “weird” again and made people uncomfortable?) so why even bother?

Umm, before I continue, I want to make it clear that the self-consciousness didn’t really come from the rp forum. Aside from the one “weird” incident, they never really said anything to put me down. Most of my self-consciousness either came from Real Life and all it’s many pressures, or perhaps because I also started spending some time on TV Tropes, learning all about things like “Mary Sues” and “Self-Inserts” and how it’s all bad writing. I don’t really consider TV Tropes an “important site,” though. Despite ultimately spending a comparable amount of time there as on the others, it feels more like a footnote than a proper chapter, at least to me. It’s just missing a certain, je ne sais quoi.

So, back to Deviantart. While it was (and probably still is) primarily an art site, I spent more time reading... I kinda wanna say “fanfics,” but a lot of them were original, rather than being based on someone else’s work. I guess they were kinda like doujinshi, but short stories rather than manga. That’s the kinda “feel” they had about them. Anyway, I eventually found that I particularly enjoyed “TGTF” stories, and I spent most of my time here looking at groups with that as a theme. I can’t think of any particular lessons I learned here, to be honest. It was just somewhere I could go to escape the stresses of the Real World.

Uhh... onto Tumblr proper, finally. I think I’ve said this before, but to restate it, the reason I came to Tumblr in the first place was that I wanted to learn how to be a better feminist and LGBT ally. So, I mostly hung around in political and social justice tags.

But, unlike the Deviantart groups which had moderators to decide what gets in or not, on Tumblr anyone could put anything they wanted in any tag they wanted.

I could tell some of the more blatant stuff was bunk, if you asked me I would definitely say that trans people were the gender they said they were, and that gay people had just as much a right to love each and marry each other as straight people, but... I was still a kid, and I didn’t really understand the concept of “dogwhistles,” so I got pretty easily fooled by people just appropriating progressive-sounding language, and I ended up internalizing a lot of TERF/truscum and bi/pan/acephobic rhetoric. (Also a bit of racism, to a lesser degree, because I didn’t spend as much time looking into matters relating to race as I did ones related to sexuality or gender.)

Looking at the above, it’s not hard to see a bit of a common theme there. They all paint their targets as “just [privileged group] trying to invade/appropriate [oppressed group] spaces,” and evil for it. This kinda mixed poorly with my experience with “interruptions,” and led me to somewhat misinterpret sayings such as “stay in your lane” and “it’s not my job to educate you.” I managed to see my mere presence as a “straight white cis man” as something which inherently was offensive and silenced minorities. And as I was a big Liberal until recently, I put a lot of value on “free speech,” so if my presence in LGBT and feminist spaces was “interrupting” people, then it was imperative that I, a disgusting straight male, not be in LGBT and feminist spaces.

I suppose that, if that first forum unravelled the lie that the internet was free of taboos, then Tumblr shattered the delusion that it was free of gender.

I kinda want to go on a bit, but I can’t really think of any follow-ups. Such a line just has too strong a sense of finality. Luckily, I’m realizing that there actually was a “Fourth.” And in a way, it kind of acts as a mix of the other three.

So, setting the scene. Having quit the roleplaying forum out of lack of confidence in my roleplaying abilities, stopped reading TG stories on DA to not be offensive, and no longer going on Tumblr due to it only reminding me of my body, where was a gi-- guy to go?

Why, none other than 4chan, of course! That place that’s famous for being offensive! And specifically /tg/, the roleplaying section! I am not smart. (Note: /tg/ stands for “tabletop games” ie DnD, WarHammer, MtG, and the like. It is, for the most part, unrelated to the “TG stories on DA,” which is short for TGTF) (Second Note: Like with Tumblr, I at least had the wisdom to stay away from the boards with especially bad reputations, ie /b/, /pol/, /lgbt/. I also didn’t really go on /a/ or /v/ often, mostly just staying on /tg/ --which was considered one of the more progressive boards, relatively speaking.

Anyway, in /tg/ I especially spent a lot of time in /cyoag/, or the “Choose Your Own Adventure General” threads. Now, some of you might know of the old “Choose Your Own Adventure” books, but the CYOAs posted and talked about in /cyoag/ were very different; they were more like character creators, or would-you-rathers. Here’s some I enjoyed as examples (they’re kind of a big, though);

Sorry for the image spam there. And these are just some one-page ones; there are ones much longer I’ve enjoyed, like “Serene Serendipity,” -- which is about going childhood again, and pretty wholesome despite the name -- “Royal Revival,” -- where you’re secretly the reincarnation of a princess from a fantasy world who got assassinated, but your family managed to pull off a resurrection spell -- “A Mage’s Familiar,” -- you get reincarnated as the familiar of a wizard, or a witch. It does pretty well with it’s execution, there’s a bunch of different ways you can take things -- or the “Accidental Magical Girl CYOA” (or “AMGC,” for short) -- where, for some reason or another, you are turned into a Magical Girl (although an optional perk allows you to be a Magical Boy instead, that means one less perk for other things). I find the use of rolls/random numbers really increases the replayability, and helps to inspire different ways to take things. There’s this one perk, for example, that has you roll up a second character as a teammate, and this one time I rolled it, but then the new characters kept also rolling it until I had a whole 5-girl squad to go on (imagined) adventures with. That last one actually got so popular it had to split off into it’s one thread.

...I’m not sure where I’m going with this. I mean, ultimately I am, but I’m not sure how I’m going to get there. I’ve been trying to think of ways to continue for at least a day or so, now. “Maybe talk about the culture” I thought, but what would be an organic way into it? And how would I be able to capture the feel? A lot of the important things, while nigh omnipresent, were also often in the background.

I don’t know. I don’t know if there’s any kind of lesson I learned there. But it offered some sense of community when that was what I needed, as well as some pretty good escapism.

To end things off, I think I should mention this one line I saw the other day, though I don’t quite remember were. I think it was an old tweet. Regardless, what it said was, “If you were a teenage boy on 4chan, you’re either a neckbeard or a girl.”

I don’t think I’m much of a neckbeard, though. So, I guess what I’m saying is...

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1nkweaver · 6 years ago

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DnD Question Masterpost: Pick

Here we go again

If your character wasn’t an adventurer, what livelihood would they lead?

Pick really enjoys playing the drums so he would have actually enjoyed being a performer like a bard or part of a band or something. Being a goblin probably makes that kind of hard though.

Who in the party would your character trust the most with their life?

I would say mostly Kai because Kai wouldn’t want anyone in the party to die he’s quite sure, but knows deep down someone like Ida would save him and that pisses him off. He wants to be responsible for himself and not a burden on someone else.

What are your character’s core moral beliefs?

I should help the people that help me, and I want to make sure that what happened to me never happens to anyone else ever again. He’s Chaotic Good I believe, so he’s more inclined to helping people but he’s very ‘do to others as what is done to you.’

What relationship does your character have with their parents and siblings?

Pick had a lot of siblings in his clan and probably didn’t know who his parents were? I always imagine that Goblins just kinda...breed a whole lot. In a way your whole clan is basically your family, but it’s very competitive, so he probably didn’t care for them really. There was however another goblin he ended up meeting named Sprout who was like a sister to him.

Does your character have any biases for or against certain races?

He has a particular bone to pick with half orcs and elves, and a very complicated view on humanity as they have been both the best and worst to him. Honestly a lot of the more normal races he is inherently...jealous of, I suppose? He likes the freaks, weirdos, or small folk, which thankfully covers most of the party.

What is your character’s opinion on nobility? On authority?

Fuuuuuuck that shit dude. The little people are gunna rise up and tear that shit down.

Describe your character’s current appearance: clothes, armor, scars they’ve picked up along the journey, etc.

Standing at about 3′6′’ Pick has a sort of cloak/jacket with short sleeves and a hood that’s kind of a grayish blue, and then down his arms is various bandage wrappings, then his iconic bright red gloves. Under everything he has his leather armor which is dark blue, almost black, with a few little vials slipped into sleeves.A tunic under the armor which is what he mostly wears when not wearing armor. Handaxes strapped onto the back of his armor in his belt hidden away, a belt, simple tight trousers and little boots with buckles and a dagger in it.

He has red tinted goggles and a scarf that he uses to hide his face when in town, and a strange big bundled up thing on his back at all times. He has yellowsh green skin, messy dark blue almost black hair, dagger like ears, snarled teeth, and a bat like nose with yellow eyes and red slit pupils. He has four fingers and toes, and a cow-like tail. His face is covered in dark green freckles and his whole body is covered with various scars, mostly on his palms and under arms, but also has a split lip and a large scar on his torso.

What location encountered in the campaign has your character felt the most “at home” in, or just generally liked the most?

I believe he and Anders may have spent some time in the town of Daggerford, or at least a small town near it, which Pick really enjoyed. The environment was nice and being close to the ocean was cool.

What deity, if any, does your character worship? What’s their opinion on other people’s worship?

Pick doesn’t care too much about the worship of gods by other people, but has a specific disdain for clerics and people who use healing magic, refusing to let it be used on him entirely. For himself, he takes a tip from game of thrones, “There is only one god and they are death, and what do we say to death? Not today.” That’s the majority of his faith, but he is at least a little spiritual.

If your character had time to pick up any artisan’s tools, game set, instrument, etc., what would it be?

He really likes his drums so I could see him maybe wanting to learn a new instrument, but he also would really like to take up sketching- not painters tools per se, but like little charcoal drawings perhaps. I think he’s mostly just unaware of what things you can learn otherwise I think he’d want to learn a lot! Music, tinkers tools, thieves tools, smithing? Sewing? He’d find it all interesting in the end.

What is your character’s current goal, summed up in one sentence?

Find him, and find him.

Does your character ever want to “settle down” with a spouse, children, house, etc.?

I think if Pick spent enough time thinking about it he’d realize that he does, but he needs to learn a few things first, he doesn’t know what it’s like to have a spouse and children really, he’d need someone to teach him what that’s like.

Has your character ever been in love?

I think he has but he doesn’t have a frame of reference for what love is.

What battle in the campaign has been most memorable to your character?

His introduction! Being introduced to the campaign as a pit fighter is great because you get to really play up the crowd, which includes your future party- and then I got chased by guards! haha, I’m in danger!

If your character wasn’t whatever class they are, what would they be instead?

Before Pick became a bloodhunter he was a different class! He would have been a Champion Fighter.

What is your character’s favorite season?

He likes the summer, the warmth is nice and it’s just the best choice in his mind out of the four. Spring has too much irritating pollen, winter is too cold, fall feels depressing. I suppose Pick is a sweet summer child.

What would your character’s Zodiac sign be, following stereotypical astrology?

Pick is a cancer

Where in the world does your character most want to visit?

He doesn’t know many places, he’s heard of cities like Waterdeep and Neverwinter which are interesting, and Baldur’s Gate has seemed kind of cool. But where he wants to visit he doesn’t know where it is, he’s looking for it.

What is the biggest mistake your character has ever made?

He wasn’t strong enough.

Does your character have any noticeable scars? If so, what are their stories?

Covered in scars all over his body, like a split lip and various other wounds (probably has torn up ears, etc) but the worthwhile story ones are:

-Cuts on his palms and arms from using his blood rites, and also emotional issues

-Scars on the back of his hands that he wont show anyone

-A wound on his torso from his time with Anders, either a bite mark or puncture wound

What animal best represents your character?

A big cat like a lion or tiger that you would see in the zoo.

If your character could go back in time and change one thing about their life, what would it be?

Not have gotten fucking caught.

Which other player character does your character find themselves having the most in common with?

He see’s a lot of himself in Jin’s personality, and in Ida for other reasons.

Does your character regret any particular choice the party has made?

Haven’t spent much time with the party but he fears staying in Baldur’s Gate for a few extra days might bite them in the ass.

What would your character say their best trait would be?

His tenacity probably. The boy doesn’t know when to quit, in a fight or in other areas, he’ll keep pushing and pushing. If someone is asking him to back off though that’s a different story and he will.

What is your character’s greatest fear? Deep, irrational?

Pick cannot stand silence for too long, especially for sleeping, there needs to be noise, and so he normally absentmindedly is playing his drums in like a stimming way or even like an OCD tendency. He also doesn’t like closed off spaces.

What is currently motivating your character to stay with the party?

He was told to find them, basically, by someone he trusts.

What are your character’s hobbies and interests outside of their class?

He really does enjoy playing his drum, it makes him happy in a way that fighting doesn’t. Even if he’s not an artist he also likes to draw. He also personally loves to collect things like badges and medals, signs of authority. He finds it funny.

What would most people think when they first see your character?

What the fuck is this little angry man (if disguised) or maybe “Oh fuck a goblin?”

What stereotypical group role does your character play in the party? (The Mom, the Mess, the Comic Relief, etc. Optionally: What role would your character play in the “Five Man Band” structure?)

I guess right now he’s the guy that’s...forcing everyone to get their shit out, but he’s also kinda the loose cannon spitfire to accompany Jin.

What is your character the most insecure about?

He knows he’s inherently aggressive and thereby normally unlikable. He’s aware that he like talks to much and is kinda brazen and out there and sometimes he wishes he could like...cool it for a hot second.

What person does your character admire most?

Anders. It’s no question.

Why is your character’s lowest stat their lowest (the in-character reason, not “because there’s no reason for a wizard to have 16 strength, duh”)?

I made Pick’s lowest stat charisma because while I think he has a charismatic way of speaking he’s also meant to come off as kind of graty and annoying because he’s so IN YOUR FACE about things, that and the fact that as a goblin I dont see him as being particularly attractive, and so puts people off just based on his race alone.

What would be your character’s theme song/favorite band/favorite genre of music?

Hard rock or punk music, and anything with some really sick drum riffs. I think he could like anyone from Muse to AC/DC

What stereotypical role would your character play in a high school AU/if they attended a normal high school? (Nerd, jock, bully, goth, etc.)

He’s kind of jocky, like I can see him being sporty but almost...picked on by the other jocks because of his size? He might also be like the “bad boy”

What treasure/item/artifact that your character has collected during the adventure is the most important to them?

The thing on his back for sure, that he keeps all bundled up.

Is there any particular weapon, item, etc. that your character longs to find?

He’d love to find something that could change how he looks like a hat of disguise ( that he doesn’t know the party has) or just something that allows him to...be different visually I guess. In terms of weapons I mean I think he’d love any kind of badass sounding weapon, like a sword that catches on fire. Or a sentient weapon, he’d think that’s SUPER COOL.

Where does your character feel the most at home?

In a tent in the middle of the woods by the campfire with Anders.

Does your character care about how they’re perceived by others? How do they change themselves to fit in with other people?

He both really cares about it and really doesn’t. He used to have some resentment issues of like “I wish I wasn’t a goblin” but Anders tried to squash that feeling in him and it mostly worked. He is trying to love himself but also I think feels he’s incapable of like...getting actual love from someone bc he’s a goblin.

What does your character think is the true meaning of life?

He was asked that a while ago and he’s still trying to figure it out before he meets that person again.

What is your character’s scent? (Bonus points for a description that sounds like it could be from a bad [or awesome] fanfic.)

God he probably smells disgusting. He doesn’t really bathe much and he’s all dirty and covered in dried blood and other shit...he probably smells really bad and smells a lot like gore or blood.

Does your character think more with their heart or their brain?

He would say he thinks with his gut, but with that not an option I’d default to heart.

What is your character’s most recent or frequent nightmare?

Being back in that place again.

What opinion does your character have on [CERTAIN ESTABLISHED GROUPS/AUTHORITIES IN THE GAME WORLD]? (Dragonmarked Houses, royal crown, etc.)

Pick has learned that there are certain power structures that are enjoyed by the elites of society that he really, really hates. They dont stand for good things and only seek to exploit, and he wants that to end, mostly through him committing a lot of violence on some people.

How did your character spend their childhood? Where did they grow up/who were their childhood friends?

Pick grew up in the north with his goblin clan, though most of his memories from that time aren’t super well known. A lot of them were his siblings, cousins etc, and he was regarded with a little respect as he was a bit smarter than the average goblin, so he was good at trapping and hunting. The rest is a blur.

What aspect of your character’s future are they most curious about? (If they could know one thing about the future, what would it be?)

Where the fuck is he.

What colors are associated with your character?

Red red red, and like faded steel grays and blues.

Who in the party would your character prioritize rescuing, in dire circumstances?

Probably Kai or Siril, but more in a stand in between them and an enemy rather than like, pulling them out of a burning building.

Is your character the most swayed by ethos, pathos, or logos?

Somewhere between pathos and ethos but mostly ethos, he wouldn’t really speak on things that weren’t in his knowledge base.

If your character was granted a single use of Wish, what would they use it for?

God I dont know if one use of wish is enough. I suppose he’d get started by using it to finish the task that was given to him.

What is your character’s favorite spell? If they don’t use spells: what is their favorite personal weapon/combat maneuver/skill/etc.?

He only uses it as a last resort, and it hasn’t come to that yet.

How does your character feel about keeping secrets from the rest of the party?

Pick fucking hates secrets. He wants everyone’s shit out and in the open including his own as soon as possible because he needs to know if they can help him or not.

What type of creature in the world is your character the most intrigued by?

Since his becoming a blood hunter, which he doesn’t really know that’s what he is, he’s found himself drawn to their specific quarries, and he’s curious about why that is. Things like fey, fiends, etc.

When they were a child, what did your character want to be, or think they were going to be, when they grew up?

Pick dreamed of being the “leader” but figured he’d die way before that happened.

The player character to your left admits that they’re passionately in love with your character. How would your character respond?

Doesn’t matter who it is because clearly you’re just making a joke at him.

If somebody (an NPC, someone from their backstory, etc.) your character trusts/loves asked your character to do something against the party’s best interest, who would they side with?

Oh he’d 100% go with the person from his past because he’s only with the party to get back to them. He’s just not been with the party long enough to care.

Does your character value their own best interest more than the party’s?

Most definitely, he just met them and I think unless things get real serious real fast it will be that way for a while.

What decision would the party have to make in order for your character to consider splitting off from the group?

Not respecting the boundaries he set, or doing to someone what was done to him.

How does your character imagine the way they will die?

Right now he’s holding on to the fact that he can’t, and wont, and will go kicking and screaming against a God if he has to to not.

What is your character’s greatest achievement?

Surviving, through everything. Being a champion when he was supposed to be the fodder.

Is your character willing to risk the well-being of others in order to achieve their goal?

Yeah I think he’d consider it the greater good.

What is your character’s opinion on killing others?

There’s some people that really need to die like right now, no issue with killing whatsoever.

What is your character’s favorite food? Beverage?

I think he’d like something savory over something sweet, definitely something nice and buttery like a really good corn on the cob.

How generous is your character? Especially to those they don’t know?

His twitch instinct is to be an asshole, and then immediately feel bad and try to do something nice and be giving. He was told that the thing you do second is who you really are, and your gut reaction is what you were taught. He’s trying to reteach himself.

What is your character the most envious about, regarding anyone in the party?

How someone can have so much more than him and not even understand how good they had it, and then still seem so upset.

The player character to your left and the player character to your right are both telling your character two different versions of the truth. Who does your character believe?

Whatever version of the story is more exciting or funny.

What is your character’s sexuality/relationship with sex?

I think sex to him is a very like...animalistic instinctual thing? Kinda just by nature of being a goblin I think he really feels the need to have sex in that sake. But also I think sex might have been messed up in his brain, and so now he’s just all confused about it. He needs someone to teach him what healthy sexual experiences are. If he explored that he would discover he is probably homosexual.

What is your character’s biggest pet peeve?

Someone who always thinks they know the best thing to do, a self appointed leader. Someone who writes off others.

Describe how your character feels about the party’s current situation/objective/etc.

What exactly are you all doing?? Do you actually want me here?? Why are you all so dang secretive even with each other, how the fuck is this going to work.

Who in the party would your character trust the most to keep an important secret?

Siril, I think of the percy quote “Your secret is safe with my indifference” and I think that’s just how Siril would treat a secret.

If your character knew that they were going to die in a month, how would they spend the rest of their life?

He’d be doubling down on what he has to do because now theres a time limit put on it. Or he’d have to find someone he trusted real fast to get them to do it. He’d also probably be crying a lot.

What makes your character feel safe?

An open space, being able to choose where he can go at any given moment.

If your character had the chance to rename the party/give the party a name, no questions asked, what would it be?

The Breakfast Club

What memory does your character want to forget the most?

I think it was too long to be able to forget all of it, but lets go with the first night.

If your character had to multiclass into a class they currently aren’t the next time they level up, what would it be and what reason would they have for doing so?

Fighter, it’s the closest to what he is and it would basically just be a case of “going back to basics” with what he used to know.

What television/book/video game/etc. character would your character be best friends with? (Or: what media character is your character the most influenced by/similar to?

Deadpool

What unusual talents does your character possess?

I always thought his skill with alchemy and the drums would impress people, and I like to think maybe he can do like weird body things like pop a joint out or contort his body in a weird way to freak people out.

How does your character feel about receiving/giving orders? Are they more of a leader, or a follower?

It’s the most complicated thing for him because he’s gone back and forth being in charge and being a follower, and he’s followed good people and bad people. He understands orders are needed but also sometimes someone tells him what to do and it just makes him absolutely snap.

What does your character’s name represent to them? (Or: why as a player did you choose your character’s name?)

“He’s small, green, crunchy and sweet (or sour), he’s Pickle!” sung like a jingle to a commercial.

Is your character more of an introvert, or an extrovert?

I think he’s pretty damn extroverted.

How far is your character willing to go to pursue the “greater good”? Do they believe in a greater good at all?

He’s prepared to go pretty damn far, and that’s also what I think Anders saw in him, because Anders was also just as willing.

What does your character want to be remembered by?

That that stupid little goblin that everyone overlooked fucking won.

What would be your character’s major in college?

Chemistry? Or maybe music, because he likes music a lot. I think he’d honestly maybe just drop out tho lol.

Does your character consider themselves a hero, villain, or something else?

I’d say maybe he’s an Antihero? Or like a vigilante kind of deal? He likes seeing people he hates consider him their own personal villain tho.

What major arcana tarot card best represents your character?

I’ll go with....judgement

Where does your character see themselves in 20 years?

Hopefully with all of this long behind him, everything is solved and he’s got a ton of gold and anything else he wants.

What is your character’s relationship with magic? Are they scared of it, wish to know more about it, indifferent to it?

All magic was made to hurt people.

Who is your character’s biggest rival?

Sebastian.

What is your character’s guiltiest pleasure?

That he enjoys hurting people for money in fighting rings. Like he’s got this weird pleasure with gore and crushing bones and things like that, but then also really hates that he likes it, he thinks he’s fucked up.

What does your character hope for the afterlife?

I think it scares him so he ignores it. I guess he hopes he’s seen as doing what was right.

Who in the party does your character trust the least?

Siril, just because he’s unpredictable.

What is your character’s biggest flaw?

He’s someone that needs help and knows he needs help but he’s both too aggressive and too prideful to ask for it.

How did your character learn the languages that they speak?

Raised knowing goblin and he just knows common otherwise babey.

What is your character’s favorite school of magic/type of weaponry?

He really does take a liking to using his axes, but I think he’s still trying to find the perfect weapon, they’re all interesting. He wishes he could just punch things but he’s not that strong.

What is most important to your character: health, wealth, or happiness?

Happiness, wealth, health. Fuck health it’s always shit.

What advice would your character give to a younger version of themselves?

You are way way stronger than you think you are, fight.

Are there any social or political issues your character feels strongly about?

I think if he learned that theres certain power structures in place in the world that are pseudo-legal he’d get very very upset.

What, currently, is your character the most curious about?

How the fuck do I talk to Ida

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les-bi-katamari · 7 years ago

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SESSION 12

We pick up right there in the middle of the road. The carriage-driver has taken off - Brianne tells Ghorza her demon book was in it.

Ghorza turns to the soldiers, unarmed, and says, “I hope you can believe that we are not your enemies.” We start talking about the undead in the forest - the soldiers were entirely unaware of them, saying it sounded impossible since ranger captains regularly patrol the forest. We started asking them more about Theris, and tell them the real story, and ask if any of the rangers have gone missing. They suddenly start to remember many, many, many people who have vanished, that they hadn’t been thinking of, how could they not have realized -

Ghorza suddenly remembers the thing Megs had saw, that had stolen their memories of it. When she brings it up, Megs doesn’t really know much, but says that it’s very “out of sight, out of mind.”

While Ghorza tries to comfort them, Apphia and Brianne go to investigate the Purifier’s sword. Apphia managed to pick it up, with no adverse affects aside from getting a faint sense of the violence inherent in it.

Brianne examines the sword more. The Abyssal text is similar to what we’ve seen before; only the gold in the runes is different. Gold is, of course, a metal associated with purity - and Lyrae’s scales and leaves were also gold. It seems to be significantly associated with more powerful monsters. This transformation was also instantaneous, with no prolonged ritual necessary, and produced a much stronger creature. The ritual may have been prepared ahead of time?

Reminder note: one of Galaias’s epithets is ‘the golden-scaled’

Most of the people the soldiers have been talking about are outriders, rangers. Apphia recognizes a couple from her friendship with one of her dad’s guards? Brianne retrieves the fake warrant from the ground; Ghorza talks soldier talk with the remaining elves and invites them back to Vassarein, where their patron might help protect them.

Apphia asks Ghorza to carry the body of the fallen soldier over to her. Since the fire, everything smells like blood and fire and Ghorza… likes it. When she approaches the corpse, broken and bloody, torn by the Knight’s jaws… GOD it smells good. She’s hungry again. She carefully avoids drooling, sets the body down, and backs the hell off. Apphia lets the soldiers say their goodbyes and give last rites before the pyre.

We start discussing plans for getting to Vassarein. The soldiers have two horses; Cadence is a third. That accounts for six riders: we have the three elves, Ghorza, Apphia, Brianne, Megs, and Nemeth. Nemeth (and then Megs) offer to stay and wait for the next carriage.

“Megs says, ‘We’re basically best friends now!’ Nemeth stares at you like she’s on the Office.”

We also decide to leave the sword with Nemeth, since it doesn’t seem magicky any more. She’ll bring it and we’ll have it melted down.

[I, OOC, insist that Ghorza should ride with one of the elves, since that will leave Apphia and Brianne together on Cadence. Plus she’s like bonded with the soldiers and stuff.]

There’s a LONG discussion between Gwen and Megan about which of Brianne and Apphia should be in front, whether animal handling proficiency would be necessary to ‘steer’ Cadence (Lin: “CADENCE IS NOT ACTUALLY A HORSE!”), and land vehicle proficiency (Lin: “yes, she would count as a land vehicle”) before we finally set out.

We get back to Vassarein and track down the carriage pretty easily - it’s more Fantasy Amtrak, it’s a public service, core infrastructure of the Marches thing - and tip him very heavily as we retrieve our stuff. I give the elves some money for a meal, send ‘em to the Orcish Forge and tell them to tell her moms that Ghorza sent them. It’ll be an hour until the next carriage arrives.

While waiting for the tieflings, we read up on demons:

“Bloody-Handed Galaias was once summoned at the behest of a sadistic elven warlord who desired the subjugation of another elven city that had resisted his assaults up until then. Having long nursed his hatred and arcane power from the depths of the Abyss, she answered his call and led an army of elves and demons to reduce his enemies to ruin. Then the Purifying Light tortured the elf to death, trapped his soul, and forced him to watch her devour his family before devouring him as well. Drunk on the blood and terror of her summoner’s former subjects, she was later banished by an alliance of powerful heroes, and the tyrant’s nascent empire collapsed in her wake.”

…Ghorza’s resolve to not give in to Galaias is strengthened because WHAT THE FUCK.

We wonder if this might be the history of Isvanir and Tarjanir, the ruined elven city where the Oneiric Lens was found? It is NOT, according to Apphia; this is something else. That said, it IS kinda similar. “Two is a coincidence, more is a pattern.” Galaias ‘the Feybane’ seems to be targeting elves again, and places linked to the Fey like Azure Glade.

The fall of Tarjanir: it was besieged by the dwarves, and the desperate elves did… something. The dwarves vanished from their mountain halls shortly after - at least, they haven’t been heard from since, and they are presumed dead. The site of Tarjanir is abandoned now, said to be haunted by the ghosts of elves and dwarves, and people Do Not Go There. Tons of refugees from Tarjanir settled in Vassarein, living mostly in slums.

[Various ooc quotes: “Yeah, I’ve plotted Apphia’s family all the way back to the dragon and the dragon-fucker.” “Dragons are too powerful for gender” “True vers / Neutral bangin” “With Ceremony, I could only marry humanoids within 10 feet of me, so we’d be limited to a 25-person marriage.” “Unless… we create new geometries in defiance of the DnD rules…” “Okay so how many wives could we stack into a 10-foot cube?” “Well, a dome is a more stable structure.” “Okay, so for the stability of the WifeDome…” “You know, in the Astral Plane there’s no gravity, so we could make it a complete sphere, maximize the number of wives in the spell’s volume.”]

OKAY BACK TO THE BOOK “Galaias was a giant in life - a Fomorian. She is a patron to them, but is a minor power, despite her immense strength, because the Fomorians were cursed by the Archfey to lose their beauty, their magic, and their minds. There are few Fomorians remaining who have the mental capacity remaining to understand Galaias, let alone worship her. Thus she reaches out to the lesser races.”

The next carriage arrives after an hour with the Tieflings - Megs is riding on top, sprawled and clinging to a luggage rack. We hear laughter from inside - a older gentlewoman in fine clothes, middle merchant class, is blushing and saying “Oh, you’re TERRIBLE!” Nemeth says, “Oh, you have no idea yet how terrible I can be. I’ll see you again.” She flirts a lot more as the woman leaves. Ghorza gives Nemeth a high-five.

It becomes apparent that no one else remembered that The Orcish Forge is a bakery, so we just stash the sword there for now, and do not melt it down in the bread ovens.

Megs suggests that she could probably sneak in, like, you know, she could. Apphia says her plan is to Alter Self into a specific maid, get to Ivandra, and get her to bring Silenne with her. Megs says “okay, well, I was just saying I could. I don’t have to or anything. I’ll just go try to swipe some food-” “Did you literally just tell me you’re planning to go steal from my parents.” “NO, I’m not going to steal from them! Just like see if they would give-” “You said swipe!” “I just meant, like, they might give me some, cause we’re friends now!” It was beautiful. Lin plays Megs REALLY well.

We head off - the rest of us are going to go into the castle too, but try to hide in the conservatory to ambush not-Silenne. Apphia will get a head start.

[She heads up first - the servants’ entrance is unlocked. She enters, holding a cloth bundle that is actually her cloak. She heads up to Ivandra’s room - it appears to be just the two of them. Ivandra looks exhausted, her chambers disorganized. Apphia’s plan goes off without a hitch and she heads on down to meet us.]

The rest of us just kinda headed on up to the servant’s entrance and didn’t know what to do. We don’t know the way to the conservatory. We decide to just walk in and act like we’re supposed to be there. Ghorza absolutely talks chummily to the chefs and offers to help them out, and there’s no problem. I chat with them a bit. Apphia comes to fetch us and we go to hide in the Solarium, waiting for Ivandra to bring not-Silenne. It’s empty and beautiful. We all take up positions.

Megs tries to hide behind a flower arrangement and Ghorza herds her back to the wall. M: “I totally had it under control, and it was fine, and you just had to cramp my style-” G:“Yeah, I hate fun.” M: “You kinda do?” G: “Sorry. I’ll make it up to you, okay?” A: “Please keep quiet!”

As not-Silenne walks in and the doors shut, Apphia immediately charms her. We start investigating and discover Silenne is alive, locked in a cupboard in her room. We convince her Ivandra is on the cult’s side now to keep her talking, making allusions to killing off Aren.

Spy: “Well, he is busy - facing the Hordes of Ardazhan alone - if I was facing them down alone I’d be worried”

Uhhhh. We press for more, what the fuck?

Spy: “Whole lot of nasty characters went dormant after a failed conquest of this region. And now… they’re waking up. Dwarves, from the north. They’ve fallen to demons. You know. Aron’s gone up with soldiers to try and stem the tide. He’s hoping Isvanir will send help, but I think we both know it won’t be coming! Soon Cyric will have what he wants.”

G: “…and what does our God want, again?”

Spy: “Heh, you should ask this one [Ivandra]. It wasn’t too long ago you were playing for the other team.”

I: “No more! No more talk! We need to stop her, now!”

And it’s a fight, as a teal-green light builds up in Ivandra’s hands and she hurls a spell at the spy. “Silenne” flickers, and the illusion drops, revealing a gaunt woman with messy brown hair and a twisted scar across her cheek and jaw, dressed in studded leather armor. We drop her EXTREMELY fast, nonlethally. Ivandra says, “What are you doing?! Finish her!” but we talk her down. Ivandra rushes off to find the real Silenne, and we loot and tie up the spy.

She had some standard armor and shortsword, as well as thieves’ tools and a poisoner’s kit. We decide to keep the tools as a spare (Ghorza will carry them). Then there’s this exchange.

Ghorza: “Is Megs gonna take the poisoner’s kit?” Megs: “Uh, NO? Why would you think I would want that?” G: “Um, sorry, I just - you pick locks and stuff-” M: “That doesn’t mean I KILL PEOPLE! … I mean, I do, but like, it’s not one of my favorite pastimes or anything! I don’t go looking for new fancy ways of killing people! Arrow does just fine.” G: “Yeah. Sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed.” M: “Tell you what. Bake me something good, and we’ll call it even.” G: “Deal”. Megs raises her hand. Imp: “Ok, Ghorza goes in for a- wait was Megs going for a fist bump or a handshake? (Handshake.) Okay, Ghorza goes in for a fist bump, but then switches to-” “Megs also switches.” They sorta give up. (beat) Brianne: “So if noone else wants it, I’ll take the poisoner’s kit!”

We tie up the unconscious spy and mull over the new revelations.

End session.

#recap #day 5

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