#anyway idk where I’m going with this I guess I really only use Instagram and this hellsite these days

[rachiller]

Jokes & threats of tumblr keeling over and choking out its last breath aside, mutuals feel free to hmu on Instagram or whatever 😌 friendship is everything etc etc

[abacus-jpg]

Anyone else not understand why people are moving to cara. Like I understand it’s because ai and shit,, but like. What confuses me is as long as your art is on the internet, aslong as you chose to post your art online anywhere, doesn’t matter where, it is prone to being stolen by ai. To me ai is nothing more then when people trace your art and call it their own. Ofc I don’t want people to do it, but ultimately that will not stop them. I do have a cara account, I was the first to claim abacus. When I tried posting there a few times I’ve been met with an error message, alongside that the app is really buggy and slow. I don’t see why people feel the need to come up with new apps to post art on when you could just use tumblr, but then the argument with tumblr is that there’s no engagement. But if we all flock to tumblr like people are flocking to cara then I don’t see why engagement would be such a big issue. Even then, if engagement is your main concern with your art I feel like you should reevaluate why you are pursuing art in the first place. I had this struggle ages ago where I didn’t feel my art was worth anything because I couldn’t cap 10 likes. But I realized, my art is for me. I’m the one that should be enjoying it, and my reason for posting now is for other people to enjoy it, so if they don’t,, I really don’t care all the much. I understand it is really detouring to post ocs and to have zero engagement, but that’s just the way art is. Unless you are producing fanart consistently of shit that is made into content farms, I really don’t see how you can garner a following just doing ocs. That’s why, doing art for your own sake is more important than trying to please everyone. I can guarantee there’s atleast one stranger on the internet that will fw your stuff the way you want. And the more you post, the more the number will grow. Most of the time it’s gradual, but one goes to two, two goes to three. And maybe you’ll only get one or two. But the important thing is, there’s someone. If you feel like you have no one, remember your art is for yourself. You’ll always have one, even if that is yourself. This might all seem contradictive. But trust, only you matter when it comes to your own artwork.

This “speech”, if you can call it that, isn’t to deter people from drawing and posting their ocs. This is just to say, engagement shouldn’t matter. As long as you’re happy, that’s all the matters. Post and draw what you want aslong as it’s not straight ripping from someone else. Idc.

This whole thing was supposed to be abt Cara but it turned into a uhh,, Ted talk of sorts. I’m not saying people shouldn’t use cara, if it works for them then by all means go for it. But personally I will not be making it my main form of social media. In my opinion, it’ll be like that other art app people were using for a week before they forgot abt it, I forget the name of it but I remember the interface was a light pink, similar to Instagram,, but somehow worse.

IM GONNA SPECIFY THAT I DONT CONDONE AI STEALING PEOPLES ART EITHER,, just putting that out there because some people have a way of misunderstanding or misinterpretating things. Which is okay!! Because some people genuinely get confused and that’s alright. But like please don’t use so first handedly. With that being said, I’m just a nobody on the internet so why would you listen to me,, you won’t. But i uhh,, am gonna put that there anyways

Thanks if you read allat,, idk why you would but that’s anyways I guess😭😭😭

[narcolini]

night//morning

marcus x luca, long distance pining perhaps?, 2k words tw for talking about death, specifically parents a/n: this contains s2 spoilers!!! dont say i didnt warn you!! also im taking an absolute leap of faith with what those missed calls mean so call it divergence from canon, or assumption of canon, or . yknow. enjoying free real estate idk (same with luca backstory hehe) tagging @drabbles-mc because it exists for her <3

Luca’s phone rings, just minutes before his usual alarm gets chance to—sending that weird fucking tune that Instagram uses, pin-balling from his nightstand, straight into his skull—screen lit and blinding. He should keep it on do not disturb, yeah, he knows that, but as disruptive as it is, this is exactly the reason he doesn’t. It’s meant to wake him up, because there aren’t many people that would message him this early in the morning, and there’s only one that’d ring him over Instagram, of all places. Free of charge and desperately reliant on the good of their internet connections.

‘Yo.’ He clears his throat after picking up, rubbing a hand across his sleep-filled eyes. He’s on his back still, phone to his ear, smirk toying the edges of his mouth once they’ve woken up enough. ‘I’m guessing you got the parcel, then?’

The line is silent in response, and stays so for long enough that he pulls the phone away to check the call’s still connected. His eyes are bleary from the brightness of it, but it is, connected and split screened, both profile pictures staring back at him. Clock counting.

‘Marcus?’ he asks, speaking back into the phone. ‘Think we’ve got a bad connection, mate.’

More quiet. The hum of what sounds like an industrial extractor fan, if he really tries to listen for it. 

‘Can you hear me?’ he asks. 

‘Yeah,’ Marcus says eventually, staccato through the phone, ‘yeah, I, um.’ 

So it’s not the wifi. And there’s an edge to his voice that strips all remaining sleep from Luca's, and pulls him upright until he’s sitting, pillows rolling under his back. ‘You alright?’

‘Sorry.’

‘For what?’

Marcus sighs. The connection warps it into something robotic. ‘Calling you.’

‘Well, I assume there’s a reason for it.’ He wouldn’t ring for nothing, and he wouldn’t struggle if there wasn’t something forcing him to. ‘What’s up?’

Silence again, then the gulls, waking outside Luca’s window. Loud and begging before the sun’s even finished rising. Marcus isn’t doing anything to try and compete with them, though they must be audible to him too, so for a moment it feels like they’re a part of the conversation. Getting their turn while the both of them wait. 

He shouldn’t yawn, he shouldn’t, even with the pause, and he’s really trying not to. Swallowing nothing. Clenching his jaw, relaxing it again. Fighting it back with every trick he knows.

It happens anyway. Loud and stretching down the line. 

‘You want to talk about something else,’ he asks afterwards, since his eyes are starting to droop, ‘until you can talk about whatever it is that’s happened?’

Marcus coughs, dry and purposeless. Forced maybe. ‘I don’t know. I guess.’

That’s good enough. ‘Alright. Where are you?’

It’s a start. Where are you, Marcus, when you should be at home making something to eat, or at work, scrubbing dried dough from the counters. 

‘Out the back,’ he replies, sounding tired with it. Defeated, even.

‘The back of the restaurant?’

‘Yeah. Sitting on a,’ he laughs weakly, ‘a fucking, upturned bucket.’

‘Right. A bucket. That’s the luxury we aim for, isn’t it? As chefs.’

‘Yeah, something like that.’

Upturned buckets and 4AM alarms—which he’s just shut off, now that it’s finally buzzed into life against his ear. 

‘Tough night?’ he asks, sitting up from the pillows. He doesn’t have to go right away, but he has to at least start the process, one step at a time.

The phone cracks as Marcus coughs again. It’s definitely forced, aimed to dislodge whatever’s catching his words before they make it to Luca's ear. ‘Nah, um, good night actually,’ he says. ‘First run with the new, well, new everything. Friends and family.’ 

‘Really?’ Luca smiles. It carries into his voice. ‘Wow, congrats, man.’

‘I mean, it was all Syd and.’

He never finishes the sentence. 

Luca checks the phone again, not to see the connection, but for the time instead. To know how quick he’s going to have to move, if he lets himself be lazy for a little longer.

‘You get that, what was it…?’ He sighs down the line once it’s back to his cheek, rubbing at his sleep-swollen face. ‘Sorry, that bavarois you made, you get it onto the menu?’  

Marcus smiles, or at least he hopes he does. It sounds like it when he replies. ‘Yeah, you know, big hit. Fire, in Carmy’s words.’

‘Oh, that’s when you know it’s good,’ he agrees, finally standing from the bed. ‘Proud of you, mate.’

‘Thank-you.’ 

Another silence to fill, and now it’s getting hard to. Because it’s early, and he’s trying to get dressed, tugging one leg, then the other, into his trousers, with the phone pinned to his shoulder, and he’s asked all he can think to ask, without espresso fuelling his system. 

‘You, um, you get my gift?’ he tries, hopping as he pulls them up to his hips. 

But it was badly timed, in the end, because Marcus chose exactly then to say, ‘My mom,’ at the same time. ‘It’s my mom.’

‘Oh, shit.’ Luca stills. Lifts the phone from his shoulder. ‘Is she—did she—I’m sorry. Fuck.’

‘I missed the calls,’ he says, ‘all, fucking, twenty of them. While we were in the shit.’

‘I don’t know what to say.’ He doesn’t know what to do either, standing half-dressed in his half-lit bedroom, half-way across the world. ‘What happened?’

‘I mean,’ he can picture Marcus shrugging, ‘exactly what we knew would happen. Just, y’know.’

Yeah, he knows.

‘I was expecting it,’ he says. ‘I mean, it had to happen one day.’

Luca sighs. ‘I’m so, so, sorry, Marcus.’

‘Nah, it’s. I mean. Yeah. Life sucks, huh? Really fucking sucks.’ He laughs and it sounds weaker than before. ‘I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now.’

Yeah, he knows that too.

‘I wish I could be there,’ Luca admits. It’s a weak offer of support. Not comforting, not helpful. True, though, and that’s all he can give him. ‘Can I do anything?’ he asks, picking at the wooden edge of his drawers. ‘Anything you need, just let me know and I’ll, yeah, I’ll make it happen.’

‘Nah,’ he sighs, ‘sorry, I don’t know why I called you, really. I mean, we’re not even in the same country.’ 

'It's alright.'

'Opened my phone and it kind of just... happened.'

Because he knew Luca would pick up. ‘Well, I’m awake,’ he reasons, ‘and here, if you need to talk.’

‘Yeah, thank-you. I know.’

‘Not much to say though, is there?’

There’s a silence that Luca can only assume is signalling a head shake, over there in Chicago, in the alley, on top of the bucket.

‘It’s not the same,’ he continues, running with it now, ‘well, I guess it is—sort of—but, when my dad died, I sat in my room for weeks. Didn’t say anything to anybody. Couldn’t if I tried.’ 

‘Your dad?’

He doesn’t pause to answer. He’s already losing the momentum he started with, gone the second he invited Dad back into his head. The only thing to do, is try and continue like they’ve spoken about it a million times before, like Marcus knows the whole fucked up backstory.

‘Went to the funeral, all that stuff, the wake, still said nothing. Just, really, shut down, you know? Shut it out. And my sister, she, well she hated that, but—I mean, and then I went to Chicago and—’

‘Luca, I…’ He’s trying to be polite about it, interrupting in a sheepish way, but what he really wants to say is, shut up, man, it’s not the time for this. It’s evident enough in his tone. His pauses. ‘I’m really trying to keep up, but—’

‘My point is,’ Luca says, quickly followed by, ‘actually, I don’t know what my point is. But this is the worst, worst thing you can go through, alright, I know that first hand. It’s the worst. And I’m here, even if you want to just sit on the phone for company, or something.’

A beat. The tinny sound of a siren passing Marcus on the other side of the world.

‘I’m very good at chatting copious amounts of shit, obviously.’ Luca laughs. ‘So, you know. Whatever you need.’

‘I think I need to quit my job,’ he says, and for a second it feels like someone else has taken the phone, because it doesn’t sound like Marcus at all.

‘Come on, you don’t mean that.’

‘No, I do. I missed every call, Luca. Every call, for fucking what? For the Michael? Do you realise how dumb that is?’

Luca twitches, flexing his shoulders back to correct the posture that had never really sunk in the first place. A nervous thing. Something he picked up in culinary school. ‘It only feels like that now,’ he says.

Marcus scoffs.

‘Sleep on it.’

‘Don’t think that’s happening anytime soon.’

‘Yeah, cause you’ve gotta get off that bucket first.’ It’s like taking another exam, he realises, trying to balance hazelnut swirls onto set custard while your hands are shaking. The balance is everything, get it wrong and he’ll chase Marcus away, just like he did with Frankie. Jokey, but understanding. Patient, but moving him still. ‘Go home, Marcus, see how you feel about it in the morning.’

‘I can’t,' he stresses.

And, shit, he forgot that detail. Somehow, in a conversation all about it. ‘Your mum.’ He sighs. ‘Sorry, I should’ve.’ Forget it. Recover, adapt, fix it from another angle. ‘Is Syd still around?’

‘Think so.’

‘Have you told her?’

He lets that question sit for a while, lets the street noise creep back through the phone in place of his answer. Which Instagram lovingly turns into static, really, radio noise that makes Luca wince. 

Then Marcus says, blank and tired, with a thick voice that needs to be cleared, ‘I think I’m gonna go actually. I should go.’ 

‘Oh.’ It takes a moment for him to recover. ‘Yeah, course, do what you need to do.’

‘Thank-you, you know, for picking up.’

‘Don’t worry about it.’

‘And the gift. It means a lot.’

‘Sure, yeah. I’m glad you like it.’

‘Night, man.’

It’s four in the morning, but he says it back, slipping it in right before the call ends. With that bitter little tone in his ear. If that was an exam, he'd've failed. Maybe. Dropped the details and put his thumb through the layers. 

‘Idiot,’ he mutters, tossing the phone onto the end of his bed. ‘When my dad died. Fuck me.’

Marcus will never call again. He’ll never call him again, actually, not until the funeral’s done and he’s starting to heal from it. Why would he? Who wants to hear that? This is the worst, mate, good luck! 

Christ.

He should’ve said nothing, should’ve waited for Marcus to take the lead and gone from there. Not everyone wants what Frankie wanted. Talking for the sake of talking. 

But he’s running late now, and the t-shirt he’s dragged from the drawers is still sitting around his biceps, waiting to be pulled on. Work first. Work first, then fix it with Marcus. Send another gift, or something, book a plane if you have to. 

He puts his head through the hole and reaches for a pair of socks as the t-shirt rolls down his stomach. Then it’s cologne. Hairbrush. The watch he wears, just to take off and store in his locker once he gets there. Everything he needs from this room, before moving on to the next. Besides his phone, of course, which is waiting on the bed still.

When he reaches it, the screen’s lit already, awake with messages he hadn’t noticed.

Going home, it reads. Thanks for talking me through it. 

It’s in his hand now, staring us from his palm, and telling him that Marcus is still typing. 

And typing.

And typing.

Then, finally, 

Sorry about your dad. 

His chest deflates, held breath escaping at last. Long time ago, he types back. Shout me if you need anything. 

There’s no hesitation this time. Just, Cool. Keep the couch free for me, yeah?

Yeah, sure. All yours.

>>>part two

[bubblycherri]

Hey, Guess what. It’s the end.

Well, of this account and my art account. I won’t be ever deleting them so if you really are that worried, you don’t have to be.

I think it’s been obvious that I don’t post here anymore and while that is sad for me, I’m sure for some this is a cause of celebration.

There will be no other accounts to follow either. My instagram and twitter are in the same state even after hardly touching it to begin with. There will be no bluesky, or whatever else is out there either.

As it goes for everyone 2019-2023ish has been the worst time for me. I have grown into a toxic and horrible person and lost my passion to do most things like I used to. When I first started here I was someone who would draw something every day in varying degrees of interest and over time I made friends and connections and had the best time here. But soon leading up to then it started to feel like a chore. It killed me inside that it was happening as it was the only thing I truly had going for me (pathetic of me ngl).

And on top of that with lockdowns I started to lose it I guess. I started second guessing everything and everyone and started to think I was just around for peoples sick amusement yet at the same time I hated myself for thinking that because what if no one was? And I was thinking such horrible things about those I cared about and in the end I ended up losing pretty much all the connections I made here some by their own desire to cut ties and some by me forcing myself out in one of these stupid episodes of mine. There are the smallest handful of people here I still managed to keep, I’m happy they are still here. But I still can’t help but miss what things used to be back in 2015.

I haven’t really changed since then, I still have these episodes where I want to just delete everything and run away and block everyone, still think everyone secretly hates and judges me. Too many days laying in bed in the dark with the windows closed as I think about all I have thrown away and lost.

I’m sorry to those that I have hurt. Those that were left confused or sad. I wish I could go back and start all over, but unfortunately this is how it is now.

Once again I won’t be deleting this account or my art account, too many memories yet too many mistakes. Don’t know if it is the same now, but people used to like my art or maybe they were just being nice idk anymore. Either way I’m leaving it all up. Enjoy as my final gift here ig

Maybe one day I’ll come back, maybe I won’t. It depends where I am in the future. Maybe my "talent" will rot away further and I will have nothing to show for myself anymore. Because hell knows I have no personality to make it anywhere without that one thing I was slightly good for.

Anyway, that’s enough of that cry session from me, I got to raw about all this and I apologise but being my final post and to those that are confused, you all deserve an explanation. I hope you are all safe and happy while knowing that people around you love you.

And lastly, thank you. For even befriending 2015 me to begin with, at a time where I had no one, I had those I met though here to take me through the last ends of high school and make me feel valued and loved.

[unfortunatelyilikebnha]

Ok now that I’m thinking abt it cfv cast social media headcanons if cfv was set a little closer to now than 2011:

Aichi: he has Instagram but mostly to follow Kai (who didn’t actually accept his follow request until like the end of season 1 lmao) and Misaki and all his other friends rather than out of a particular desire to post pictures himself. It’s a private account and he posts when the mood strikes him, with content wildly varying from like pictures with friends to cute animals to cool new vanguard cards to food that was particularly good. Has Snapchat because Kamui bugged him about it and mostly uses it for streaks (but he forgets a lot & kamui’s like BROTHER AICHIIIIIIII :( OUR STREAK :( ).

Kai: Instagram. It’s also a private account, and for a while he just had 2 followers (Ren and Tetsu), then after their fallout he blocked Ren and Tetsu but Miwa bugged him into accepting his request (though he didn’t really post during that time just used it to observe), then after s1 he finally accepted more of his friends’ follow requests. Eventually he starts posting food he made & ofc his favorite kagero units (& maybe his friends. Occasionally. He’s not big on writing captions though). I can also see him having a Twitter where people try to antagonize him & he roasts the shit out of them (Kamui is constantly in his mentions trying to start shit, at first out of genuine dislike - he gets blocked for a while because of this - but then just for fun. Kai still blocks him every so often, and/or occasionally plays along and snipes back with some rude comment, but it’s mostly to annoy him back rather than out of genuine malice. Mostly. He does enjoy being an asshole to Kamui though). Has Snapchat but pretty much only opens it when Aichi sends him something (Ren likes to send him a million snaps chronicling his whole day to annoy him so mostly he ignores the app).

Misaki: she’s a Pinterest girlie for sure. Very organized Pinterest boards with images that are always properly sourced. She also has Instagram (also a private acc) but she didn’t use it much before she met her card capital friends, now she uses it to keep tabs on Aichi and the others. She doesn’t really post pictures except on special occasions but she is an avid close friends story user, especially when she knows Kourin will see her posts (before s4? Or au where she doesn’t disappear I guess? Idk it’s my city & I’m already diverging from canon to say they have social media just roll with it). There’s also an official Card Capital Instagram, and when she becomes the store owner in G she doesn’t really run it but she has to approve the content that gets posted there. I can also see her having tumblr just bc of her “strange” sense of humor, like she’d be very anonymous about it and not put basically anything in her bio (MAYBE her name but maybe not even that, & possibly a fake name), but I can see her being fairly popular here.

Kamui: he’s too young for social media AND YET he has it anyways. Can frequently be found getting into fights on Twitter. He’s also a big Snapchat user and HATES when people leave him on read, or when someone’s about to break a streak. Very big on streaks in general, has insanely long ones with Reiji and Eiji. Also he definitely has tiktok and (he will deny this but) he’s jealous when anyone he knows has more followers than he does. How does Suzugamori Ren have that many followers anyways >:/? In G era he downloads Instagram because he heard that Emi did it.

Miwa: definitely a Reddit user (but like not in the derogatory way, he’s just fascinated by the site). He has a personal Instagram as well as a wildly popular other account dedicated to unflattering candid pictures of his friends (mostly Kai but Misaki Kamui and Morikawa are also frequent features, and, on one memorable occasion, Jun). Semi-popular on TikTok for being a sweet & funny guy and also for casually mentioning insane things that happened and never elaborating (“yeah sorry I was absent I got kidnapped because my dumbass friend wanted to play cards with a gang leader, that guy better be grateful”).

Reiji and Eiji: have the same social media Kamui does, and hype him up on it (/occasionally bemoan how lame he is) but also do their own things.

Morikawa: Tumblr user, fully believes the wizard blogs are real wizards. Gets anons from people like “I want to study you” all the time & he always misses the point and makes it into “the Morikawa vanguard school is always open to new students because I am the greatest teacher ever”. After meeting her, a lot of his posts start focusing on Kourin and his followers have an equivalent experience to when someone you’ve followed suddenly turns into a K-pop blog with absolutely no explanation. Kind of famous just because of how fucking weird he is. He also has Snapchat but is like really bad at taking pictures so everything he sends/posts is blurry or at a bad angle, but unironically. Had no interest in any other social media until he heard Kourin had Instagram and Twitter, at which point he downloaded them both and immediately started posting about her.

Izaki: Twitter user /derogatory (sorry Izaki but I know this in my heart to be true. He’s gotta have some red flags to have stayed friends with Morikawa this long). Also has Snapchat and tries (and fails) to help Morikawa take better pictures. Kamui frequently bullies him about losing their streak, which since they’re not actually that close is probably their main form of communication. Izaki’s not totally convinced that Kamui actually knows his NAME, so he’s confused about why he cares so much (it’s bc Kamui has a Snapchat streak with literally everyone he knows who 1. has Snapchat and 2. does streaks). Also possibly has an Instagram where he occasionally gets influxes of followers when he’s tagged in pictures with his more famous friends, but some of them probably don’t think he’s that interesting and soon unfollow (lmao rip)

Emi: does not have social media in the main series but gets an Instagram by G era (when Kamui finds this out he suddenly downloads Instagram even though he has never expressed an interest in it before, and thus so does Nagisa, somehow sensing what Kamui has done).

Nagisa: has Twitter only so she can follow Kamui (again, she is too young for Twitter). Kamui has her blocked but she can still somehow sense when someone’s arguing with him & she comes into their replies like “leave my man alone!!” I would not be surprised if she doxxed people tbh. She keeps getting banned but somehow every time she appeals it the ban is lifted (Kamui suspects dark magic). Also downloads Instagram in G era after Kamui does (how does she know he got it if he didn’t tell her??? She has her ways).

Kourin: has an official ultrarare Instagram and Twitter where she promotes her idol work, and also a private Instagram and Twitter where she posts pictures of her friends and nerds out about vanguard and thoroughly logically dismantles stupid people. Once she posted a stupid meme making fun of Kai on her official ultrarare Twitter instead of her personal one by accident and fully freaked out trying to take it down before the fans screenshotted it (she wasn’t successful bc idol fans are crazy and ended up saying she was hacked) (Kai will never admit it but he thought it was funny). She probably has Morikawa blocked on every platform.

Rekka: an instagram girlie FOR SURE. She posts often and sticks to a cutesy aesthetic, and is wildly popular. She’s also very into Snapchat, both in terms of doing streaks with people and live-blogging funny bits of her day on her story. Probably also spends a lot of time on Pinterest & has a lot of Pinterest boards for every situation.

Suiko: I’ll be real I have no idea. I feel like she either has no social media at all and just like guest appears on Kourin and Rekka’s, or has like official instagram/twitter accounts with tons of followers that she semi-maintains and weird shitposty anonymous accounts where she just posts whatever comes to her brain. Tbh I can see her stirring the pot so she can observe Kamui into getting into more twitter beef just to see what happens. Redditor??? She is a mystery to me.

Kenji: has Tumblr & like 60% of it is dedicated to Ancient Rome, 30% of it is about vanguard, and the last 10% is just him reblogging like feminist stuff and positive messages. A wife guy without actually having a wife or realizing he’s a wife guy (posts a lot about “his friend” - Yuri - bc he just thinks she’s neat, but his followers seem to think he’s in love with her for some reason???). Cries when people on tumblr celebrate the ides of March. Probably has been cancelled for unironically stanning Caesar. Also has an official Instagram but doesn’t post on there much, when he’s there he’s usually just there to like his friends’ posts and log back off. People are surprised by his lack of social media and have not connected his tumblr (where he stays completely anonymous thank you very much, he is Not a fan of the attention) to him, and are always begging him to post more on his Instagram/get more social media, but when Yuri and Gai bring this up hes like no <3 I will not <3

Yuri: she’s a YouTuber for sure & she has helpful videos on deck building, strategy, how to stay calm under pressure, etc. Occasionally she includes her teammates or people from other teams in her videos (Aichi featured in one once and now her fans regularly ask for him to come back lol). She also has an official Instagram and Twitter, and runs most of the official Team Caesar accounts on various platforms. Yuri and Misaki are tumblr mutuals, and she is aware of Koutei’s tumblr (bc they’re both in the vanguard tag a lot and who else would be THAT obsessed with Julius Caesar. She’s no fool, she recognized it was him instantly) but she thinks it’s funny to not tell him it’s her (+ she’s kind of embarrassed in a fond way/thinks he might be embarrassed about the posts abt her if he knew) so she just scrolls through his nice posts abt her when she’s having a bad day.

Gai: tiktok famous for generally being a chill dude who’s willing to answer your vanguard questions but mostly for posting Team Caesar behind the scenes videos, which range from Yuri being mad at one or both of them to them doing challenges/playing games together, to some of their movie star stuff in G, to one particularly memorable video where he just stared at the camera while Yuri and Koutei were being in love with each other and (at least in Koutei’s part) oblivious to it in the background.

Ren: pre-season 1 he had no social media except an Instagram account and a Snapchat, both of which he used to post an ongoing stream of whatever was in his brain so that Tetsu and Kai would see it. After The Breakup™️ he went private and posted a lot of stuff about revenge, and being stronger, etc (which was no use since Kai had him blocked and he was not popular pre-Asteroid era, so pretty much only tetsu saw his posts). Also he’s DEFINITELY a Reddit user lmao. Post-season 1 Asaka got him into tiktok which he immediately became famous on, he joined Twitter which had a preconception of him due to the way he acted during season 1 and so he gets cancelled every other week for a while (eventually they mostly get used to his new personality and the way he says the weirdest shit), and he rebooted his Instagram to be public and deleted most of the old revenge posts (he probably leaves one up just to cause controversy lmao). Often leaves Kyou on read on Snapchat, but whether that’s on purpose or an accident is anybody’s guess. Actually he probably would have tumblr too & be kinda infamous bc his personality would definitely make him popular here tbh. He runs a “official ren suzugamori” blog but he never acknowledges he’s on tumblr anywhere else and everyone thinks it’s just a fake parody blog.

Asaka: tiktok famous for being hot, on team asteroid, and if she’s feeling generous for answering people’s vanguard questions (with a special focus on the Pale Moon of course). Probably also has a sizable following on Instagram. Lords her amount of followers over Misaki who pretends she doesn’t care but early seasons Misaki was actually a little annoyed by this.

Kyou: had a Twitter. Keeps getting banned from Twitter and making new accounts and the cycle repeats. Doesn’t have a tiktok but is tiktok famous anyways for always appearing in team asteroid videos in the weirdest ways (disguised as a potted plant. Scaled the building and can be seen inaudibly yelling in the background through the window on the third floor of team asteroid headquarters. Parachuting down from an airplane. Etc). When people comment about him on Ren’s videos he’s always like “who?” “I don’t see him?” or “huh, that guy looks vaguely familiar…” and when people comment about him on Asaka’s videos she refuses to name him but always says something about how much she hates that guy. Has Snapchat but about half the cast either leaves him on opened/read or straight up has him blocked (he Does take really interesting pictures though, and it’s cool to see all the places he goes! How does he have the money for all this??? Nobody knows).

Tetsu: runs “official team asteroid” accounts, including a YouTube on which Ren is IMMENSELY popular despite not being the account owner. Known for being intimidating on Twitter, and also for (one-sided tbh) twitter beef with Kamui (who would @ him like HEY ASSHOLE ACKNOWLEDGE ME >:/ & Tetsu would just ignore him) in earlier canon. He doesn’t actually use any of his accounts that much besides the YouTube and to publish official updates about team asteroid, but - though he’ll never admit it - he’s a fan of terrible memes. He asked what Asaka was laughing at once and she showed him a vanguard meme (“I don’t know if you’ll get it though”) and he excused himself and went to another room to laugh (Asaka was like ???).

[foxgloveinspace]

hi hi hi!!

i feel like it’s been so long since i’ve stopped by

i am here to share that i have been blessed with the stupidest possible dreams with the sleepy t boys lately

1) glad to have them back in my brain like this it’s always fun and 2) wtf brain could we not do the dumbest situations?

the first one was from today and omg. so i dreamt that i went home to visit my dad and his family was down because it was christmas? guess i’m looking forward to the holidays lol. anyways my dad somehow found a documentary on sleep token on tv and put it on because “hey my kid likes them” and for some reason it was filmed/presented like a true crime doc? and straight up exposed all the boys. names, faces, interviews. and my whole family made fun of me the whole time because i tried so hard to not have their identities spoiled even with this stupid documentary on 😂 and i succeeded! somehow! although i do remember this- iv’s accent was so fucking bizarre i’m not sure i could ever tell you where my brain pulled it from. and someone was named nat but i have no idea who lmaooo

the other dream was that the band for some reason came to my city? (idk why, this place is ass and we have no venue big enough for them) and for some reason i was tasked with like, showing them around and helping them acclimate to the city. so what’s the first thing dream-exie does? take them to buy weed and go to their favourite local bar for a show 😂 we got absolutely blitzed outside the bar and then went in and had an absolute rager to some local bands. and now i want that to be real so bad… (and also shotgunning the joint with iii🙈… iii was a menace and dream me was all too willing to encourage. lmao i feel so weird admitting that my brain made that up because it feels too horny lmao)

anyways. that’s what my head has been up to! other than aura migraines lmao. i hope you’ve been well!!! 🩶🩶🩶

Exie!!! I thought I answered this, I'm sorry!! Thank you for telling me about these dreams, they are so great, lol. I really haven't even had any memorable dreams, much less sleep token ones. Would love to have a sleep token dream again. I wonder if your one with the documentary was inspired by the recent Instagram vids lmao, those crack me up??? found footage sleep token, lmao. I also love that you got to show them around to your favorite places. (no comment on the shotgunning besides like, what I would be like irl, which is a big thumbs up, lmao)

This next bit got... long. Sorry for my ADHD fingers and ramblings about migraines, I only realized I've had them my whole life last May, so. I give all my tips lol.

Sorry to hear about your migraines, I actually had one when you sent me this ask off. I read your post about it, I've only had mine completely block my vision once, but it was because of some bad smells. I completely lost my vision, but it was still purple, not all black??? My visual impairments/visual aura's are splotches of neon purple and green, moving in my vision like waves. sometimes they can be gold and black, but it's usually the green and purple.

I find fast acting/extra strength Tylenol works really good for migraines. I also keep liquid IV in my bag, cause that helps too (if you have a migraine you want to avoid artificial sweeteners, and liquid IV has cane sugar in it, while most other electrolyte drink mixes do not.)

I find that using a wet washcloth on my forehead/point of pain works way better then an ice pack cause you can keep flipping the washcloth over and the side not against your skin will keep cooling off, where an ice pack will melt.

I have seen some videos/read about putting your feet in hot water when you have one, and that supposedly helps??? I have yet to try it, but it sounds soothing.

Sorry this became me info dumping about migraine stuff. Just don't want you too be in pain/I have tips. Mine have been pretty bad this year, tbh. I had one for 2 weeks back in March, and I probably should have gone to the doctor, but I realized I just.... can't binge video games anymore after it was gone, oof.

[yveni]

Just a vent, sort of?

Idk but long post incoming, I just felt like rambling.

So, I had to take a few days to step away from this blog. I was spiraling, and I was spiraling quick, I needed the time to find peace with God and with myself again. I hadn’t realized just how attached I have become to this show, and the cancellation news hit me more than any other show has (I was there for Julie and the Phantoms and Anne With An E, I love both shows, but boy oh boy apparently not like this.) After many bouts of weeping and anger, I was reminded again that Jesus is the only thing that’s everlasting (if you didn’t notice the ‘follower of Christ’ thing on my page, surprise?? I guess). Anyway, I was down bad for a bit there. 

This story, the whole Lockwood and Co family, has become my favorite book series and favorite TV show. I’ve never been able to confidently say something is my favorite without changing my mind every 10 seconds. 

This is the most involved in a fanbase I think I have ever been. I’m writing again! And it’s not just fics, I’m now approximately 3 chapters and many random snippets into the book/comic I’ve been planning on making since I was 14! This show sparked up my creativity again, and I think I’ll always hold it special to me because of that.

And I’m not giving up on it! The little bit that I have been on social media the past few days, I have seen everyone fighting for the show!! I left some random comments on instagram, letting people know about the watch party, posted the drawing I did of Lucy to my art instagram, where I try to not post fanart, but maybe someone will watch the show because of it. 

Something fun I’m discovering about myself is that I am stubborn, and I fight pretty hard for things. This fanbase is fighting super hard too, I see it, I’m pretty positive the people we need to see it are going to see it too. I haven’t given up hope yet, and I’m really glad others haven’t either. Joe Cornish’s post about it (the one where he lists all the proof of how well it did) makes me think he hasn’t given up either, idk why, it’s just the vibes. 

Whatever happens, I am so glad to see us fight like this. I’m glad that Jonathan Stroud can see just how much love there is for his characters, I’m glad the actors can see how amazing we all think they did. 

I’m glad I decided to get involved in this fanbase. It’s been a whole lot of fun. The fics, the headcanons, the fanart, the HUMOR, y’all, I love everybody so much. 

If you’re like me, and you’ve been doing a whole lot of crying, don’t forget to drink water. Everyone, please take time to take care of yourself too, it’s important.

Also, don’t forget about the watch party!! May 20-21st!!!! Top 10 is the goal, but how great will it be to dethrone Queen Charlotte??? I want to see Anthony Lockwood’s face at that number one spot again, he deserves it (and we all know he loves it there). If Bridgerton can find its way back into the Top 10 with no new season, so can we.

Um, vent over, God bless.

[icelogged]

accidentally unfollowed while sending this ask lol anyways

https://www.autostraddle.com/75-ken-dolls-ranked-by-lesbianism-383518/

that's the one i posted (not a huge fan of the mermaid ken text idk what they wanted to say) but :)

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

thanks for sharing!!! i decided to react to every single one as well! and had so much fun doing it— did some extra research ;3cc 🔬 ;3c too ;3

i actually read an article like this before, it was only regarding the reboot kens and they referred to them as male exes or men you see on dating apps i think? anyways this article is better imo

so all of them could be my ex gf because i’m horrible and greedy and think everyone in the whole wide world is gorgeous no take backs

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ = the ones i could hypothetically crush, date, etc rn

long post as there are 75 kendalls :3

75. i love her!!!! i’d love to see a same sex pair skating competition!! yuri on ice ;3 *bad joke booing*

74. my funky 90s gyal pal. there is an actual lesbian out there who wore this in the 90s. she is now someone’s cool lesbian aunt.

73. depop legend who could collab with the sims 4 type of girl. i can see us being friends :3

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 72. oh no, i can see now.. probably would have a meet cute moment in the library 💔 i would have such a bad crush on this kendall. i feel like there could be shared attraction but she’d end up not liking my personality :(

71. erm rude! i’d give her a chance, fusion music can be cool. hope she’s into sharing sweaters with friends and lovers because that looks comfy. and her band / group looks so fun!! loving the hair on the dolls of colour!!!

70. i know her and her wife! they have that really cool couple swag! anyways i babysit their kids

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 69. 2000s tomboy…💍…

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 68. we met a free optional donation ticket community centre event for showcasing people who customize their clothing or make their own stuff from scratch. she’s going to a, in her words “crappy art school” but at least she has access to a studio. that’s where she made her sweater ? bomber jacket ? they sell pretty well on instagram

67. “Cameron: She’d def welcome you to the neighborhood with a jell-o creation. maybe a casserole”. literally

66. 2000s lesbian celebrity’s gf ?

65. weird femme icon. my girlie pop. if lesbians had fag hags i’d be one for her.

64. we have beef though even though we’ve never had an one on one conversation ໒꒰ྀི｡-︵-꒱ྀིა she just doesn’t like my vibes i guess. i probably think her brother is ‘kinda hot’... maybe that’s why. “Says she got her outfit at Goodwill, actually got it at Urban Outfitters” <- fact

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 63. i would do anything for her, i would be so down bad… if she started info dumping about marine ecosystems i would have to propose. she’d invite me (with a group, not one on one) to every beach clean up event and i’d try very hard not to be weird. in the picture used on the organizers’ instagram i’d be standing beside her and blushing really hard and i’d look back on that picture and laugh at myself :’3…. not sure if she could love me though.. i don’t think my feelings would be reciprocated at all. i am imagining her in her early to mid 30s for some reason? anyways she doesn’t date too far outside of her age range to begin with so my chance were not to nothing anyways. when i’m finally over her and tell that i had a crush on her she’s surprised because she had no idea but literally everyone else and their mom knew. wow really got into this one! um…. i really like bodies of water so

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 62. if i ever date— she’s either going to be the ex that ruined my life or my life partner. all i know is the good times would be really good. i feel like she’d respect me in a way others do not for some reason.

61. omg is that kurt kunkle in his hype beast fit?

60. i love her books / favourite author

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 59. im not worthy /lh

58. our circles wouldn’t cross

57. she looks fun and like she has the sweetest heart ever. she gives me city only girl vibes so we’d just be mutuals that compliment each other very enthusiastically

56. lesbians… should try that fit.. everyone should try that fit….

55. i don’t know. i need to know more about her. i feel she’d wanna go to edm music festivals and that isn’t really my scene. probably has a popular ig or tumblr for being hot and getting more masc people to wear crop tops again

꒰აꨄ��໒꒱ 54. “Even your grandmother who was only so-so about you dating women loves Dr. Ken. Like your whole family is so obsessed with Dr. Ken that they don’t even care that she’s not Jewish and they’re like, hang on to this one, don’t fuck it up! And you’re like YEAH I KNOW as if having a perfect girlfriend isn’t stressful enough already” LITERALLY. plus she has a kid ? or we have a kid???? hi tommy you angel! 🤍🤍🤍 id be the luckiest little thing under the sun. like she’s the best. ms. treat you right. i cannot stress this is the best lover you’ll ever have. also i get the vibe that i’d be her princess :3

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 53. NEED HER. two vibes that’s just her or that’s her drag king persona either is good.

52. i feel like she’d decide she wouldn’t be into me at first glance and or find me annoying

51. “Ken has a house in Saratoga mostly decorated with stuff she picked up in New Mexico when she lived there for a minute back in the ’80s. She’s very sweet and inquisitive and she has two large dogs she loves to pieces but you know what now that you mention it, she never really liked camping as much as the other girls did. Another love would be women’s music, of course”. agree 🤍

50. that’s her service animal actually. i feel like we’d be really good friends or at least enjoy working on our photography together.

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 49. “Art Director Ken is an asshole to everybody except you and her entire apartment is white and spotless even though she has a dog. She takes you to cool events—”. and no, i don’t have a crush on the dog walker— i am the dog walker in this scenario. we had a good time together but it couldn’t last because of the whole rude to people thing. i can imagine her being bitchy to someone in food service and then i’d just loose it and it would be over.

48. “Valerie: She started an all-female Warblers in protest of the original and they only sing songs made famous by men but they don’t change the pronouns”. never met her but i watch her group on youtube <333

47. old butch and that is a picture of when she was my age that she showed me on her really comfy couch

46. need more information, for some reason i’m getting nothing but the one earring is working on me

45. weren’t we all Cool Lookin’ Ken at one point in our lives

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 44. i’m in love with her. whether the pants are “zip off at the knee” or not is very important. we want want answers mattel !

43. of course Jasika Nicole has a wife. how did i not know that

42. i want to watch whatever film she’s in. give me a lesbian western pls

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 41. ok i lied the first time. actually i need her. need to be in the same room as her. i’d actually want my feelings to be reciprocated by her. i want to hold her hand at backyard experimental art showings. we met at a showing of a film by some gay boy in film school who i thought was hot. the film was good. i think he could be a household name some day but he’s like anti-industry and wants to stay underground so i’m like why spend money film school then? later Adventure Ken tells me his parents are loaded so that explains that. anyways we road trip a lot together i hope we’re in love.

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 40. “She goes by her Roller Derby name on Facebook because she doesn’t want her toxic stepfather to find her. She’s a really loyal friend and a downright incredible girlfriend and always puts safety first”. agreed. roller derby girl ! you are my world !

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 39. …you know what i’m going say… not be fooled i don’t have ‘types’ (grew out of that quickly, thank you horrible situations) but yeah just look like some older girlbrother in a 2000s or 2010s show and at the very least i’d want to cuddle with you :/ anyways i hope we’re seeing a horror movie on our date and i hope she’s real

38. “Jenna: yeah she’s always the sensitive one when she and her friends pretend to be a boy band” we couldn’t have that fun we’re friends but with undertone of romance vibe i like to have with my friends because she’d catch feelings feelings and i wouldn’t reciprocate because i have crush one of the other girls in the boy band. “boi band” sounds so 2013 to me maybe 2011? 2012?

37. one of the new ones! “Cameron: you think she’s gonna tell you about how we live in a post-gender, post-racial society but she surprises you by being super woke & you’re totally disarmed & you kind of hate yourself for it” <- this description is too good and too real. i’d see her at a gsa and go oh god she’s probably calls herself an activist online but she’s going to make weird comments about my heritage— but she’s actually on the ground and literally making changes in the community. also she has two dads that have been on the ground since they knew they could and instilled so much love and wisdom into their daughter. and i smack myself all the time about it because i thought i stopped judging people. anyways she has a fiancé who is pregnant, they very happy. i am invited to the baby shower but not the wedding. anyways i baked them stuff and got good at fibre art just make sure my handmade shower gifts were good enough. might be an uncle or godmother after all this.

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 36. “Dufrau: She seems very attentive
Stef: Bringing you sodas
putting on some mood music
even answering your phone
Molly: ‘hey babe i saw your twitter rants today and picked up some calming lavender bath bombs’” ✅✅

35. we all know her. either your friend’s ex or cousin. after she grows out of her fuckboy phase she really cool and neat

34. she’s on the food network and when you saw her at 9 years old you were like whoa. her instagram is so golden because she has really nice pictures of food, her wife and family— pets included!

33. “Ken just got to Los Angeles from Missouri and before moving had really only ever hooked up with straight girls (there was like this whole THING in high school). She isn’t looking for a relationship, but she keeps falling in love with incredible women / making out with strangers at The Abbey / not knowing what to do with all these new feelings” yes she also thirst traps a lot

32. “Dufrau: She dated two of my best friends sophomore year of college and ive never forgiven her for her behavior
Sarah: Cutie Fashionista Ken is the first time you get a dyke spike after listening to Viz by Le Tigre
Cameron: Cutie Fashionista Ken kept trying to be the Shane of the friend group” literally, enough said

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 31. i made her that shirt don’t laugh. she approached me, idk why but i was really surprised she liked me. anyways we’re really happy. i’m SO thankful she has an apartment. we have picturesque mornings.

30. “This is a lesbian who usually dresses on the masc side but always femmes it up for a thematic dance”. literally so much fun. friend met her and now we’re all buds. her parents are literally saints and her grandmother is always feeding me.

29. she’s obviously taken. anyways they’re the rich lesbian couple at the tennis club.

28. ??? i am missing a reference here?

27. another cool celebrity lesbian’s wife

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 26. “Jenna: she likes to cuddle
Dufrau: she has a great haircut” hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii home dates with her are bliss. her mom thinks i’m really pretty and our relationship helps her unlearn homophobic and transphobic opinions. me and her dad have something in common, like a silly quirk or hobby, favourite thing etc. he’s also a closet bisexual. when Hip Hoodie Ken and i move into together her dad comes out. by then her mom is chill and is the first check the homophobic aunties when try and say something about her daughter or husband.

25. had a crush on her when i was 11. thought she was so cool ! my favourite camp counsellor ever !! can play the guitar and does silly songs at the campfire and has that “let’s give all to god tonight” christian lesbian swag during chapel. charismatic angel. met her girlfriend at church.

24. haven’t seen this barbie movie and don’t plan to. i agree with mey— “Mey: No that’s rainbow dash the lesbian pony from my little pony”

23. i know who gigi but idk who nats is. anyways these barbies are giving lesbian influencer couple. searched them up— so they were a lesbian influencer couple at the time of this article. omg gigi is married slay! t4t love wins

22. curious about her, need more info

21. “Dufrau: She hosts a children’s show but adults watch because she is so soothing” yes and she is her city’s children’s pride marshal. mother of 3. her wife is like a cook? food ? influencer. like she cooks really yummy looking stuff and is huge on social media and is sometimes a guest judge on cooking shows. maybe she’ll get a netflix cooking show deal soon

20. i need that belt more than her

19. “Cameron: this is the outfit my friend wore to her bachelorette party. i’m not joking” so true. again we know or have seen this lesbian.

18. her family is crazy but they have money. she’s lowkey classist and ableist :///

17. good for them i guess

16. i saw this one in walmart “Cameron: this is just every summer gay.”

15. “Cameron: also every summer gay
Jenna: I feel like cali-cool said she would call you back, but she definitely didn’t call you back. And even though you didn’t really WANT her to call you back, it’s the principle of the thing”. yuh

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 14. i know her! she makes her own cider it’s so good. she’s really good at gifting people. she likes soup. i like wrapping her in blankets and giving her hot chocolate. we could 100% kiss and fall in love.

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 13. “Cameron: she helped me find a book i was looking for a gender studies research paper & suggested something better”. looking! for! her!

12. “Art Director Ken #2 is also an asshole but you deal with it ’cause she always gets bottle service for the table and has lots of stories about Closeted Power Lesbian parties in Palm Springs that happened in the late ’80s / early ’90s and she’s your only source regarding the possibility of Jada Pinkett-Smith being bisexual” only that one of my friends is dating her and that’s how i get the tea

11. “Cameron: She lost her snapback on a rollercoaster at Universal Studios. Will not let you forget it” <-

10. “Mey: Big brother ken is def a hot lesbian mom
Jenna: yeah, and she also owns a subaru
Mey: She ignores Sarah Pfefferman at PTA meetings” yuh!💞💞💞

9. 2010s lesbian character on abc(?)

8. “This outfit cost $400” true and i could literally get for $35 with the most expensive part being the shoes that i got a charity shop. the rest i got from walmart. anyways i’m making her autistic for some reason but we can’t be friends because she spent $400 dollars on that outfit.

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 7. :::/ *ignores that* ANYWAYS like i’ve let it slip i’m a fresh water mermaid but she looks more salt water </3 star crossed lovers

6. THIS IS LITERALLY SOMEONE’S EX THAT I KNOW OH MY GOD ITS LITERALLY [REDACTED] LOLLLLLLLLL. it was the lesbian divorce of the century [break up they weren’t actually married]

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 5. also know her. we are mutuals on this very tumblr. and btw she’s SO tired of the villainization of southern [us]americans

4. wow nothing else needs to be said. molly is repping that Barbie Dreamhouse Ken swag

3. i remember this one very clearly for some reason. congratulations jenna for being Distressed Denim Ken (2017). maybe the kens were the lesbians we met along the way.

2. LOL i’m obsessed with the side by side lesbian matching. Hi Riese’s gf!

1. i loved reading about the design and creation process of this ken in particular! even looked for it online. idk if i’d actually buy the doll but yeah. “Alaina: “Did they consult Brittani Nichols for this doll? Because this doll is Brittani Nichols.” factual

and this was so fun thank you em <3

i looked at the related articles and found this gem ! real gaydies showing how we are all just lesbian ken

i’m not going go through each because those are real people and i feel like that would be kinda creepy BUT hello to “Lisa / 54 / Professor / Pittsburgh, PA” and Hillary “Scald Eagle” is such a cool name! everyone SERVED ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 i am still recovering. the comment section has really good stuff too :’3

as an aside i’ve now learned that there are a lot of lesbian teachers in the world. maybe education will be saved…

anyways thanks again for this i had so much fun !

[diaryofageminivenus]

no. 11 - hood

sigh, I gained another body yall. this was a body that was caught during a time of extreme horniness. now I do like him, but I was supposed to link with him months ago and just got around to doing him. this is a pretty short story and you'll see why as you keep reading.

lets talk about P, he's a guy that my best friend is close to, we actually met through my best friend. the way we met through her was that she would tell him about me, he wondered what I looked like and he was like "oh yea, lemme get her insta". he followed me, then she gave him my number and we texted. it was cool, he's a great conversationalist. he's a hood dude so we just talked about hood shit, or he was just talking about something random. I really enjoyed talking to him because he's so sassy it's a little funny, this man will have an attitude for no reason. he was attractive on Instagram, I just saw him for the first time last month and we were talking for a good 10 months before we first linked. I have been procrastinating on linking with this man for 10 months, and he has been following along with me for 10 months.

two weeks ago, i asked my best friend as a joke to tell him that I want to link with him only because he was with her. I didn't know that he would actually text me, but he did. we planned a day, but I ended up becoming quite busy. so I texted him a few days later and told him "wyd tomorrow", he said nothing so I told him I was coming over. I was supposed to go to his house early but I had to do some stuff. I then went over to his house two hours after I told him I would be there. when I got to his house, it was like a typical grandmother's house. a house that is cluttered but you know where everything is. it was a lil hot in there too, i don’t really wanna describe the rest of it, let’s get to the real thing.

so after a minute of talking, he says “so what we doing, you finna take them off?” i took my pants off cause atp i just knew there wasn’t gonna be any foreplay. i had to suck his dick for it to get hard, it wasn’t hard to get it hard fr, all i had to do was spit on it. i sucked his dick for a second but man i had cotton mouth bad! i barely even smoked before i saw him and i drank some water so i wonder why my mouth was still dry. anyways after that i got up, he told me turn around, i told him i didn’t wanna start in backshots. he had an attitude but he said “alright, turn around”, i got in missionary and he just went soft. idk that kinda fucks with my self esteem, but then again… i’m beautiful. i then sucked his dick again, and then i got up and just bent over. i wasn’t expecting anything honestly, atp i was just like empty headed. i was a little irritated about that, that’s just not how im used to having sex but i guess we all gotta try new things. he started fucking me from the back, i was moaning and he was just silent back there. i was like hmmm okay, but he was constantly grabbing and rubbing on my body. he would grab my neck and pull me up to him, he would push my hands away when i was running from him, he would hold my arms. idk i actually liked that, but what i didn’t like is how he literally would get on his phone and text people while we were having sex. can i even classify this as having sex? i felt like a sex toy, like damn i’m just bent over and you just fucking me. idk, it’s just not what i’m used to. he was using a comdom for the time was were fucking and then his dick slipped out, so i took the confom off and put his dick inside me. he nutted within 3 minutes. after that i just left, he didn’t walk me to the door even though he told me to hold on, i was just ready to go. about 5 hours later he texted me and told me that he likes how i fuck. idk what girls he’s used to but i swear i didn’t do anything out of the ordinary, all i did was kinda throw it back, nothing extreme at all.

is it crazy that i’m going back? although i didn’t like being treated like a sex toy, i did enjoy the dick. idk i’m pretty conflicted. maybe i’m just going back cause he’s accessible, he’s not a bad person but im just used to having sex in multiple positions and having some sort of connection.

[babyboibucky]

Promises, promises

Pairing: AU!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You believed that promises are meant to be broken but Bucky always proved you wrong. Until one day, he proved you right.

Word Count: 6,555 (oops I got carried away lol)

Warnings: Angst, a tiny bit of self-doubt but with a happy ending!!!

A/N: Some tags aren’t working, damn u tumblr! Anyway enjoy the angst and the shitty writing lmfao. Also kinda want to do ficlets for these two??? Like short fics about the happenings in their relationship, their first date, how they dealt with the break up idk, lemme know if anyone’s interested in that xoxo

MAIN MASTERLIST

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It's been four and a half years since Bucky broke up with you and honestly, you're fine now. Fine, as in you've moved on from him and that you haven't been stalking his Instagram account anymore or have been asking Steve how he's doing since the break up. You're fine now, really.

There was not an ounce of denial left in your body after almost two years of pining and self-blame. But that doesn't mean you've forgotten the pain he caused you when he woke up one day and realized that he didn't need you anymore.

Forgive and forget they often told you and you badly wanted to do so. But it wasn't that easy to do, not when you still feel the pain as if it only happened yesterday.

"What did you say?" your forehead creased as you walked around the kitchen counter, quickly approaching Bucky who had his back to you as he stood in the living room of your shared apartment.

You weren't sure if you heard him right, or if he actually said anything. Perhaps you were just hearing things? Just this morning he woke up and greeted you with his charming smile before pressing a soft peck on your lips. You had cooked breakfast together, laughed together and even talked about what to have for dinner.

Sure, something about his demeanor earlier was a bit off, but you assumed it had something to do about his work and not because he wanted to break up with you.

Right?

"Bucky, what did you say?" you pressed when Bucky remained quiet; he didn't even turn around to face you.

He heaved out a deep sigh, "I said I need space." he murmured.

"What do you mean, Buck?" you asked again, voice small and shaky as you fidgeted with the hem of your shirt.

Of course you knew what exactly Bucky meant by that, but you didn't want to believe it. You were hopeful that maybe this was one of those petty fights you used to have, one where Bucky would spend the night over at Steve's. He'll come around the next day, he always does that. You always woke up to him whispering apologies to your ear and you would say your sorry too.

Bucky rubbed his face with his hand before finally turning to you, "I can't do this anymore." he said, shaking his head before averting his gaze to the floor.

He must have seen the look in your eyes when he faced you. As much as you believed that you were pretty good at hiding your emotions, it never worked on Bucky. He was the only person who could always read you; you could never hide from him.

"Bucky, I don't understand." you let out a nervous chuckle as you hugged yourself, biting your lower lip to prevent them from quivering as you held back the urge to cry.

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck, "I just...you've been too...fuck, I don't know how to say this without hurting you. I really don't want to." he admitted dejectedly, looking up at you.

You scoffed, "Just fucking say it, Bucky. I'm already hurt just by having this conversation." you told him.

"You're too good for me. Way too good."

Bucky’s words echoed in your mind again as you laid your eyes on him, four and a half years after your break-up. And just like that, you were back to square one.

You did your best to avoid him after he left, you felt like Bucky too tried to do the same. It was harder than you thought, given that you belonged to the same circle of friends. There were missed birthday parties, anniversaries and get togethers. If you knew Bucky was going to be there, you’d bail. Thank god you had a bunch of understanding friends who never took your absences against you.

But an engagement party between two of your friends? Now that was something you wouldn’t want to miss out on.

You’ve been really happy for quite a while now, to the point that it never crossed your mind that Bucky would surely be attending as well. He had been out of your system since the day you decided to move past him, which is why you thought that you were finally a-okay.

Tonight proved you wrong because as you watched Bucky smile and greet your friends, you realized that you still wanted to punch him and hurt him and tell him that you were still in lo—

“Hi.”

You were too focused on daydreaming about how you wanted to hurt Bucky that you failed to notice that he made his way to you and was now waiting for you to greet him back.

Bucky was smiling at you the same way he did on the night you first met at a college house party. You and Bucky have been together for that long.

“Hi.”

The music was too loud that you missed out on the stranger’s greeting, if not for his shadow looming over your hunched figure as you sat on the staircase, you would’ve completely ignored him.

The guy was looking down at you with a charming smile that made your cheeks turn pink. He was tall and slightly muscular, something you noticed right off the bat all thanks to the tight red henley he was sporting. The guy had long hair too, but it was tied back into a low man bun that was messy enough to leave tendrils of stray hair to frame his handsome face.

“Hi.” He repeated with a chuckle, a hint of amusement laced in his tone as he bit his lip at the sight of you just staring up at him.

“Hi?” You stammered awkwardly.

He laughed, “Um, can I pass through or is there some sort of password required?”

You realized that you had been blocking his way, everyone’s way actually. Quickly, you apologized and stood up to leave your spot only for the guy to block your way before you could even hop off of the last step of the staircase.

Thinking that you must have confused him and the direction you intended to go, you murmured a soft apology again before sidestepping him but to no avail. You looked up at him with a frown when you noticed that he was intentionally blocking your way.

It didn’t help that he was way taller than you. Despite the one being on the last step of the staircase, the guy still loomed over you.

“Excuse me?” You snapped and tried to move past him but he was way bigger than you and managed to stop you from passing through.

He had a cheeky smile on as he watched your futile attempt to squeeze your way out of his large body. You huffed out when he held onto the rail while his other hand on the wall, completely trapping you on the staircase.

“What’s the password?” He asked, still grinning at you.

You deadpanned, “Are you kidding me?”

He shook his head, “Nope.”

You stared at him blankly before glancing at his hands, observing whether you had a chance at prying them away from where they held on. It was then that you noticed how his left hand was covered in tattoos. The sleeve of his henley rode up quite a bit to reveal that his tattoos reached his wrist, he probably had his entire left arm sleeved with ink.

“Can I please pass?” You huffed out when you concluded that there was no way you would be able to escape him.

“Like I said, I need a password.” He insisted.

“Penis.” You stated, face free from any sort of expression.

The guy choked on his laughter, “Why would you honestly think that?” He asked incredulously.

You shrugged, “I thought you guys liked dick jokes.” You reasoned out.

The guy laughed as he shook his head, “Well, you’re not wrong.”

“It’s not the password?” You asked. “Don’t I get a hint or something, I really don’t have time for games right now. I have to go back to my dorm. I have a test tomorrow.” You told the guy.

“I can’t believe you’re thinking about a test. What’s your major anyway?” He asked.

You groaned, “Like I said, I don’t have time for games or even for a conversation. Come on, just let me pass through!”

The guy hummed as he stared at you, as if he was thinking of something. You wanted to look away but he had beautiful ocean blue eyes that you found yourself slowly getting lost in.

“I’ll give you hints.” He announced. “Two hints actually, because I’m feeling generous.”

“Okay, then. Just spit it out!” You rushed.

The guy grinned.

“The password is made up of your name followed by your number.”

“Hi.”

You blinked when Bucky repeated his greeting. When you regained your senses, you cleared your throat and simply nodded at him as acknowledgment. You saw how Bucky’s smile faltered seconds before you looked away and pretended to look for someone.

“I can’t believe you just brushed me off.” He chuckled, running his fingers through his hair.

Bucky had cut off his hair right after graduation. He sported a clean cut since then but now he had longer locks; not as long as his college hair though. It just looked fluffier, you fought the urge to imagine how it’d feel through your fingers.

“I can’t believe you just expected me to greet you as if nothing happened.” You told him, letting your eyes wander around the place.

Bucky exhaled heavily and shook his head, “I thought we’d be okay by now.” He admitted. “Guess I was wrong.”

You clicked your tongue in irritation, snapping your head into his direction after avoiding his gaze earlier. “I am okay, but that doesn’t mean I am okay with being around you.” You hissed.

“I honestly thought we’d still be friends, you know. Civil at least.”

What has gotten into Bucky’s mind for him to expect a lovely reunion between the both of you? Things didn’t end well, he just left. He was too ambitious to even think that you’d greet him with rainbows and butterflies.

“We’re not friends, Bucky. Not even acquaintances.” You told him.

Bucky opened his mouth to say something until someone tapped on the mic, announcing that the newly engaged couple, Wanda and Vis, had something to say to their guests. By the time he looked back at you, you had already walked away and joined Nat at their table.

It reminded Bucky of the days when he used to watch your back retreat into your dorm whenever he walked you home.

“So, you gonna tell me the password or what?”

You felt all your blood rush to your head and you’ve never been thankful for existence of strobe lights. You were probably red as a tomato. Who wouldn’t be anyway? This handsome dude just asked for your name and number!

“Is this a joke?” You managed to asked and thanked the heavens that you didn’t stutter.

The guy shook his head, “I don’t really joke around.” He shrugged.

“Why do you even want to know my name and number?” you curiously asked.

Bucky shrugged, “Been watching you since you arrived.”

“Creeper.” you accused.

“Hard not to when you’re the only grumpy person in a party. I know your friends dragged you here, I mean you said you have a test tomorrow and you don’t seem the type to party a day before. Besides, you’ve been keeping to yourself the entire time. Figured you might want some company, one with substance.” he boastfully wiggled his eyebrows at you.

His confidence appalled you but you were also surprised at how he seemed to have read your mind. Or personality, in general.

“Hey, Bucky!”

You watched the guy turn his head towards front door where a blonde guy— Steve from the student council, you recognized— entered. You thought it’d give you a chance to slip away but the guy, well Bucky, kept his hands in place.

“Kinda busy right now, pal. I’ll catch up with you later.” He said.

Steve’s gaze moved past Bucky until they landed on you. He chuckled as he shook his head at his friend’s antics. Steve walked away but not without acknowledging you.

“He may not seem like it, but Bucky’s a good guy. You can take my word for it.”

Bucky turned to you and lifted an eyebrow, “I mean, coming from a student council member, that’s a pretty credible source.” He said confidently.

You bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from smiling. You had to admit, Bucky had a way with words and actions. His boyish charm was working on you and you hated how easily you were falling for it. And you just met the guy like ten minutes ago!

“So, what’s the password?” Bucky asked again.

You tapped your foot as you crossed your arms over your chest, “You promise to let me go if I tell you?”

Bucky made a face, “I don’t think that’s the right term because you can expect more of me once you give me the password. But I’ll definitely step aside. That’s a promise.” He reassured.

“Promises are meant to be broken.” You stated.

“Yeah, well watch me prove you wrong. Password? Pretty please?” He asked cutely and fuck, Bucky was really winning you over just like that.

Letting out a defeated sigh, you tell him your name and number. Just as he promised, Bucky stepped aside and quickly fished out his phone to type in your number. You honestly didn’t expect for him to remember it after hearing it once, but you peeked and he actually did. Impressive.

“Like I promised, off you go to study.” He said and motioned his arm towards the front door.

You sighed and offered a small smile before finally walking past him. You were about to open the front door when Bucky beat you to it.

“I told you ‘let go’ is the wrong term ‘cause I’m walking you home tonight.” Bucky said. “And tomorrow night too. And the next night and the next next night. Or afternoon. Morning? Whatever time your classes finish.”

Bucky really proved you wrong that night because he did walk you home the next night and the next next night too. It went on until he no longer had to watch you enter your dorm or apartment because eventually, the two of you ended up going to the same home.

It’s very ironic really, that it was also Bucky who failed to prove you wrong when he broke his promise not to hurt you, ever. You wondered whether it was your fault that you actually believed in him. It was hard not to though, because Bucky’s earned your trust from all the promises he made and kept.

Which is why it was even more painful when one day, he decided to break the one promise you truly held on to.

“I’ll always love you, you know that right?”

Bucky blurted it out randomly that his statement confused the hell out of you. The two of you were just playing a video game when he said it, making you hit pause.

“And where did that come from?” You asked with amusement.

Bucky frowned, “You could’ve reacted differently. I was hoping for a high-pitched ‘awwww!’ and this is what I get?” He teased, taking your chin in between his index finger and thumb to pull you close so he could bite your nose playfully.

“You said it out of the blue!” You told him with a laugh. “But it made me happy though.” You admitted and kissed his cheek.

“Yeah, well it’s true. I mean, this thing we got? It’s forever.” Bucky said and lovingly smiled at you.

You pretended to gag at his words but it was obvious that you felt like you were on cloud nine when Bucky said that. ��Cheeseballs!” You teased.

“This cheeseball’s gonna put a ring on that finger one day. That’s a promise!”

A finger snapped right in front of your face, “You good?” Nat asked.

You nodded and tried your hardest not to look at Bucky. He was seated with Steve, Sam and some other guys at the table next to yours. You could feel him staring at you and it was making you anxious.  Nat and Sharon exchanged looks before letting out a sigh in unison.

“Come on, I’m fine. Stop looking at me like that!” You told them with a forced chuckle.

“What did Bucky say?” Sharon asked. She’d seen Bucky approach you upon his arrival, saw the expressions you both had as you talked and knew immediately that it didn’t go well.

Nat hummed before taking a quick sip from her glass of wine, “We’ve been watching and we’re curious.”

“He was expecting for us to be friends.” You simply stated.

Nat and Sharon groaned and rolled their eyes, “What a dick.” Nat said.

“Men really do have the audacity.” Sharon laughed and shook her head.

You joined her laughter and lifted up your own glass of wine, “I’ll drink to that.” You said before finishing your drink in one go.

One glass of wine turned into two and then three and then four. Six drinks later and you were buzzed and unstoppable. You weren’t that drunk, you were good at handling alcohol but you were tipsy for sure. The formalities of the engagement party were finally done and the guests were left to mingle around.

Wanda and Vis immediately went to your table to catch up and after giving them your heartfelt congratulations (and apologies for missing out on plenty of events), you decided to step out of the venue to get some fresh air.

The silence allowed you to process your thoughts, the same thoughts you had repressed for years. You were happy for Wanda and Vis, truly. The two have been the epitome of soulmates and it was only right for them to end up tying the knot. But you also couldn’t help but wonder, would you and Bucky end up in marriage too had he decided to stay and work things out with you?

You lift up your left hand and stared at your bare ring finger. Just a few years ago, you’d been wearing a simple gold band studded with tiny diamonds around it— a promise ring. Bucky had given it as a gift on your 6th anniversary. You’d gotten together when you were just 19 and Bucky 21. People always doubted that your relationship with him wouldn’t last long given that the two of you were so different. Not to mention, Bucky had a reputation. Girls fawned over him; he was tall and handsome, had a rugged appeal to him thanks to his long hair and tattooed left arm. He drove a damn motorcycle that got him into trouble plenty of times.

You were Miss Goody Two Shoes who played it safe and Bucky was the Big Bad Wolf who liked taking risks.

It was a surprise when your relationship with him kept on progressing and the next thing you knew, the both of you have been together for a total of eight long years. It would’ve reached nine but shit happened and Bucky decided that those eight years didn’t matter to him anymore.

“Can we talk?”

If Bucky asked you that a couple of years ago, you would’ve probably punched him in the face and kneed him at the crotch before running away. Well, you still wanted to do so but a part of you wanted to talk things out. Get a proper closure maybe since Bucky failed to give you a detailed explanation that would help you understand why he chose to leave you.

Nat told you once that some things are better left unsaid. You spent years secretly pining for Bucky after the break up, spent nights questioning yourself where you lacked that made him leave you. You’d asked Steve about Bucky whether he met someone knew or how he was dealing with the break up; it did you more damage than good until you finally gave up and decided to actually move on.

But now that Bucky was here and there was no way to avoid him, maybe you deserved this confrontation after all.

“What do you want to talk about?” You asked, keeping your eyes on the pavement right in front of you.

You felt Bucky stand beside you, placing his hands inside the pockets of his jeans before turning to you, “About us.”

You snickered, “Us? What about us? What is there to talk about us?” You asked, turning your head to face him.

Bucky’s eyes have always been your favorite feature of his. They were very expressive and if Bucky could see through you every damn time, it was his eyes that you could always read. They were still blue but they held a certain emotion in them as he gazed at you.

Sadness and...regret?

Before your assumptions could get the best of you, you turned away and waited for Bucky to speak again.

“I can’t keep on avoiding you.” He said. “I’ve been doing so for the past few years and it kills me.” He admitted.

“And you think I want to keep doing this too? I’ve missed out on so many occasions because I just couldn’t be around you. You’re not the only one struggling.” You said.

Bucky shrugged, “Then let’s stop avoiding each other.”

The way he suggested it almost offended you; he was so nonchalant about it as if it was so easy to just let him waltz back into your life. Truth was, you dreamt of the day that he’d come crawling back to you. But you knew better than to let your walls down just because you miss him.

“When Steve told me that you seemed to be doing well, I really thought it meant that we can become friendly with each other, y’now. I mean, eight years. Those years meant so much to me, we’ve been through a lot and—“

“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Barnes?!” You bitterly chuckled.

“If those eight years together really meant a lot to you, you would’ve stayed. You would’ve allowed me to work it out with you! But what, you broke up with me because you thought I was too good for you? That you felt suffocated just because I was looking out for you?”

You didn’t mean to snap at Bucky like that, in your mind you thought you would be able to have a calm conversation with him. But with the alcohol running through your body, you couldn’t stop yourself from expressing yourself and and feeling the same way you did on that specific night.

“Too good? How am I too good for you, Buck?” You asked, immediately wiping off the tears that escaped your eyes.

“You have everything planned out! For yourself, for us. And it makes me feel fucking useless! I see you work your way up at your job and I’m still figuring out what the hell I want to do with my life!” He exclaimed.

You shook your head, “I didn’t know you felt that way.” You whispered. “If you told me this then I could’ve done something about it, Buck! Rather than let it get this far, I would’ve fixed it.” You told him and tried to reach out but Bucky took a step back.

“That too! You’re a fixer! You always end up fixing things. This relationship has become an endless cycle of me fucking up things and you picking up the pieces. And every single time you clean my mess, I feel like you’re hoping I’d be like the others. It’s like you’re trying to make me into a person I’m not just so I could fit this, this certain mold you had in mind!” He accused you.

You wiped again your tears and refused to believe him, “That’s not true, Bucky! I’ve always loved you for who you are, I never asked you to change for me!”

“Yes, you do! You never said it but I always felt it...when Steve got promoted and when Sam finally launched his business. You always wanted me to be like them, you never said it out loud but that’s what you made me feel whenever we talk about my job...or lack thereof.” He chuckled bitterly.

Bucky may not be traditional in the sense that he considered himself an artist. He never liked the idea of settling for a nine to five desk job so he took on a job as a tattoo artist. It wasn’t a permanent job and he didn’t have clients demanding for him all the time so it gave him time to work for a motorcycle shop too.

It was never a problem for you but practically speaking, your and Bucky’s joint savings wouldn’t be enough for the future that the both of you have planned out.

“I’ve been supportive of you! I never asked you to give up on those jobs, Bucky.” You defended yourself.

Bucky nodded his head, “You don’t know it but you do. That’s how I felt whenever you suggested that I try something else.”

“It’s because I know you can do so much more! Stay at the tattoo parlor and mechanic shop, then fine! But don’t settle because you have the potential to make it out there, that’s what I want you to know! I don’t understand why you’re limiting yourself, Buck. Why you’re suddenly so afraid.”

You carefully took a step closer to Bucky and thank god he let you this time. You swallowed the lump in your throat and reached out to cup his face in your hand. Bucky was livid, his chest rising heavily with every breath he took.

“You were the one who taught me to be brave, to take risks. I used to be so afraid, remember? Afraid to ride your motorcycle, to try out that job I thought I couldn’t handle. I was so scared to commit,” you chuckled, remembering how much you hesitated to give Bucky a chance when he asked you to be officially his girlfriend.

“...but you’ve always been there for me. And I want to do the same with you. I know that it seems scary to let go of what you believe is your calling. You don’t have to let go of it, Buck. But you gotta try something new too.” You said as you let your thumb caress the skin beneath his eyes.

There was silence between the two of you. Bucky had calmed down and you thought that it was over. Little did you know that it was simply the calm before the storm. Because the words that came out of Bucky’s mouth were the words you didn’t expect to hear.

“Well, this is me trying something new.”

Bucky refused to meet your gaze and simply let your hand move away from his face. You shook your head no as you turned around to compose yourself.

“We were fine this morning, Buck. What happened?” You asked and embraced yourself, seeking comfort you knew you’d only get if Bucky changed his mind.

“I thought we were fine too. But the tattoo parlor is closing in a month and we haven’t been getting plenty of clients at the motorcycle shop. And it just hit me y’now, I dread coming home to you because I know you’d be disappointed and that again, you’d offer to fix my shit and the thing is, I don’t want you to. I don’t want you to fix my shit or tell me how to deal with my problems! I woke up and realized that I just don’t...” Bucky paused when you swiftly turned around with a frown, eyes brimming with a fresh new wave of tears.

“Don’t say it, Bucky. I’ll be better, I promise! I won’t nag you or pressure you into anything. Just please, don’t say it. Please don’t. We can still work this out.” You begged Bucky.

You weren’t sure you could take it, what he wanted to say. You already knew what he was going to tell you, you didn’t want to hear it. Let other people say it but god, it’d break you if you heard it from him.

“I’m sorry but I don’t need you anymore.”

The stabbing pain in your heart felt so familiar, the kind that punched all the air out of your lungs. You thought you were done crying over Bucky, but you were so wrong.

“I fucked up.” Bucky huffed out, bowing his head as if ashamed.

“You realized that just now?” You snickered. “Do you know how long it took for me to get over you? To forget the pain from hearing you tell me that you don’t need me anymore? After eight years together, Buck. You were my first everything and you gave up on us. And you really expected us to be friends, just like that?!” You spat.

“I’m sorry!” Bucky exclaimed, lifting his head to look up at you and you were surprised that his eyes were glazed with tears.

“I was wrong, I was so fucking wrong. Because you were right, I shouldn’t have settled then. But god I was an idiot, an insecure idiot.” He admitted.

“I was so used to being the one who guided you that it fucking hurt my ego when I noticed that you were becoming your own person outside of our relationship. I was supposed to be the one supporting you, pushing you to be better. You ended being the one leading me. I let my ego get the best of me and thought I’d be better off without you. But it was the biggest mistake of my life because when I left, I felt even more lost.” Bucky explained.

You were left speechless, you weren’t sure why Bucky was telling you all this. Did he want you back or was he simply apologizing? You didn’t have words so you remained quiet and waited to see whether Bucky had more to say.

“I’m so sorry, I really am. I hurt you. I should’ve stayed, should’ve worked with you to fix our relationship. I hate what we’ve become, I sincerely wanted us to be civil with each other at least.” He said.

“Bucky, you’ve been saying the same thing over and over again. I’m not sure you understand the situation. I can’t be friends with you. Not after what happened. I thought I was fine but now I realized that I’ve never really moved on from the pain you caused me.” You told him and sniffed, looking back to check whether your friends could see you.

Thankfully, all the guests were still busy mingling with each other. It’s as if the universe meant for this confrontation to happen. But now you weren’t sure what to do after you finally got a clear explanation from Bucky.

“I wanted a fresh start with you.” Bucky said. “Thought that it would make it easier for me to win you over if we were friends again.”

You scoffed in disbelief, “It’s not that easy, Buck. I can’t just let you walk back into my life after your apology. It doesn’t work that way.”

You tried to move past him but he immediately blocked your way, “When I said I’ll always love you, I meant it. I still do. I want to make things right, please. Give me one last chance to fix this.”

Maybe it was the alcohol in your system, maybe it was Bucky’s words and how sincere he sounded that made your head spin. Your heart was racing and your palms turned cold. You wanted him back too, so bad but you weren’t sure if it was a good idea. He broke your heart and your trust, you weren’t sure if you’d survive if he left you again.

“I can’t continue this conversation, Bucky. I have to go.” You told him and made your way towards the door to the venue.

However, Bucky was quick to stand in front of the door. He had a determined look on his face, one that looked extremely familiar. You were still hurt but couldn’t deny the fact that you too, still love him.

Even after everything that had happened, Bucky still owned your heart.

“Bucky, can you please move? I want to go home.” You said and tried to reach for the door knob but Bucky moved and leaned against the door.

“You need a password to get through.”

You rolled your eyes, “We’re way too old for this, Bucky. I’m not playing with you.”

He shook his head, “I’m not playing either. Give me the password or else we’d be here the entire night.”

You huffed out, “This isn’t funny. Let me through.”

Bucky shrugged, “No can do. Like I said, I can do this all night.”

You deadpanned, “What’s the hint?” You asked with a defeated sigh, knowing well enough that there was no way you could walk past him without playing along with his stupid little game.

“Consists of three words.” Bucky said.

“Penis boobs vagina.”

Bucky cackled, “And I thought you said we’re too old for this.”

You groaned, “I’m serious, Bucky. Just let me go.”

“No. I made that mistake once and I’m not doing that again. I love you. And I promise that this time, it’ll be different. I know you still love me too, so again I am asking you to take a risk and say it.”

Bucky said it with conviction and you hated how it made your stomach flip. Up until this day, Bucky had a way to make you fold. And he could still read you.

“I’m not saying it, Bucky. How sure are you that I still feel the same anyway?” you asked.

Bucky tipped his head towards your neck, “Not sure if you just forgot but you’re wearing the promise ring as a necklace.”

Fuck. Of course, you’d forgotten about it. You may not have been wearing it on your finger, but you still continued to wear it. It meant a lot to you even after the break up, so much so that you couldn’t simply throw it away or remove it. You figured that it might be better to keep it around your neck. Out of sight, out of mind but still there. You wanted it to exist, it was a part of you.

“Say it and I promise that you won’t regret it.” Bucky insisted.

“Promises are meant to be broken. You proved that the night you broke up with me.” Your voice quivered when you said that.

“And I want to make it up for it for the rest of my life.” He reassured.

“History repeats itself. I don’t think I can deal with it again if you realized the second time around that you don’t need me. Buck, you really hurt me.” You said, voice cracking before you could even finish your sentence.

Bucky quickly took your face in between his hands and for some reason, it felt right. The warmth of his palm, the love in his eyes as he gazed at you, it felt like home.

“I know and I hate myself for it. So fucking much. But I promise you, it wouldn’t happen again. I fixed my life when you left, realized that you were right. I’m better now. So let me be the fixer this time, let me be the one to fix this mess, to pick up the pieces. Because I’m just as afraid to let you go again. I can’t do that again. I love you and I need you. I always did.”

The kiss he pressed on your forehead caused your walls to crumble down. All of a sudden you were sobbing into his arms and apologizing.

“I didn’t mean to pressure you then, Buck. I didn’t know, I’m sorry too.” You cried.

“Shh, no. Please don’t apologize.” Bucky coaxed as he pulled back to kiss your tears away. “None of this was your fault, baby. It’s all on me. Let me make it up to you, please?”

The term of endearment made your heart flutter and as much as you hated how Bucky easily won you over, again, the love you have for him was quick to outweigh it. You knew you shouldn’t have given in to him just like that, but this was Bucky. He was your greatest love, someone who owned your heart even after he left.

“I miss you, baby. Couldn’t fathom the thought of you being with someone else.” Bucky admitted as he hugged you tightly.

“I was so stupid, so fucking stupid. I hated myself for hurting you. I won’t do it again, I swear.”

His hand rubbed circles against your back, helping you calm down after your breakdown. He swayed you from side to side, pressed kisses on your crown and whispered promises that he was sure he was going to keep and you basked in it. When you finally calmed down, you pressed your face into Bucky’s neck and inhaled his scent.

He smelled the same, like comfort and love and trust. You hugged him tighter and smiled into his skin and mumbled, “I love you.”

Bucky chuckled, “You got the password right but I don’t think I’m letting you go just yet.”

“Nat and Sharon’s gonna kick our asses if they find out.” You chuckled.

He pulled back and stared at you lovingly, “I’ll take the hit for you.” he laughed.

“I’m sorry.” he mumbled again, caressing your cheek with his thumb.

“Forgiven.” You told him and stood on your tiptoes until Bucky bent down to meet your lips in a kiss.

You sighed into the kiss. Four and a half years of pain and anger all gone and replaced with the love you always had for Bucky. His lips against yours made you dizzy but in a good way.

It felt right, like this was how things were really supposed to be.

You pulled back and sighed, “As much as I want to stay like this, I’m really tired.”

Bucky let you go but took your hand in his, intertwining his fingers with yours. “I’m driving you home tonight.” He said.

You smiled.

“And the next night. And the next next night.”

Yet again, Bucky proved himself to be worthy of another chance. Because he drove you home the next night, and the next next night. It went on until he regained your trust back and all was well enough for him to finally reveal the black velvet box that he had been keeping in his pocket since the night of your eventful reunion.

“You need a password to see what’s inside.” Bucky grinned up at you as he bent down on one knee.

You chuckled through your years, “Any hint?”

“One word, three letters.”

You wiped away your tears with a smile followed by a subtle nod.

“Yes.”

Bucky kept his promise all along, he really did put a ring on your finger. Took quite a while with plenty of obstacles that caused its delay, but a promise fulfilled nonetheless.

-

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[marauders-venting]

This Love

pairing: wolfstar (remus x sirius)

genre: fluff & angst

warnings: mentions of drowning, child abuse, physical abuse, death/murder, war, grief and guilt

words: 3679

note: based on the song ‘This Love’ by Taylor Swift

a/n: this is a request I got from someone on Instagram :)

okay I know that sirius ran away from home at 16 and they’re not supposed to use magic outside of Hogwarts until their 17 but uhhh idk just pretend that sirius ran away at 17. or that they can do magic at 16, whatever you prefer

Clear blue water, high tide came and brought you in and I could go on and on, on and on, and I will. Skies grew darker, currents swept you out again and you were just gone and gone, gone and gone. In silent screams, in wildest dreams I never dreamed of this

“Hey,” Remus said, waving as he saw Sirius approaching. His nervous expression rearranged itself into a smile when he saw Remus.

“Remus!” Sirius said, rushing towards him and hugging him. The embrace is quick and short, Sirius pulling back as quickly as he came in, but it’s enough to make Remus’ heart pound ridiculously fast in his chest. “I’d ask you how your summer’s been but I guess I already know,” Sirius added with a laugh. Remus smiled. They had been exchanging letters back and forth all summer long. Not that they didn’t usually write to each other over breaks but Remus was pretty sure this summer they had broken the world record for most letters sent in a month.

Remus had planned on using this time away from Sirius to try and get over his crush but the second he saw Sirius walking around the beach he knew he had failed. If anything, being away from Sirius, missing him, had only made Remus’ feelings of longing more intense.

“Come on, let’s sit,” Remus said. He had already spread a towel out on the sand near the water before when he was waiting for Sirius and they sat on it now. “How’d you manage to get away in the end?”

“I just snuck out the window,” Sirius said, shrugging. “And then I took a taxi like you taught me and I used the muggle money you sent me. I will pay you back for that by the way.”

“Don’t bother,” Remus said. “Think of it as me paying you back for all the chocolate you bought me on the last Hogsmeade visit at the end of last year. Nobody knows you’re gone?”

“Nah, they’re not expecting me down for dinner anyway so it’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” Remus asked nervously.

“Yeah,” Sirius said. Remus wasn’t convinced. “Hey, come on, don’t worry about them. We’re here now, let’s enjoy it.” Sirius flopped back on the towel, lying on his back, arms stretched up above his head, shirt riding up and revealing a strip of skin above the waistband of his pants that Remus was actively trying to avoid staring at. Sirius was right. They had discussed this all summer, planning exactly how they would make it work. He wouldn’t ruin it by worrying now that they were finally here.

“Yeah, okay,” Remus said, smiling. And lying down next to Sirius. He looked up at the sky. It was a brilliant orange now, the rays of the setting sun giving it the colour. “You feel like going for a swim?”

“Okay,” Sirius said, grinning. They raced into the ocean, spraying each other water so they were soaked before they even got in past their knees. Remus kept going deeper until only his head was above water.

“Come on, Moony, that’s not fair, I can’t stand here,” Sirius complained, treading water beside him.

“Then swim,” Remus replied.

“Swimming is the one thing that I’m not the best at,” Sirius admitted grudgingly.

“What, all that old family money and your parents never paid for swimming lessons?” Remus teased but he followed Sirius back to the shallows.

“I think they were hoping I’d just drown actually,” Sirius said once he could stand. “I wonder why Reg never got any swimming lessons though. Well, it’ll be on their conscience if he ever drowns. If they even have a conscience, that is.”

“What if you drown?”

“Oh, it definitely wouldn’t be a weight on their conscience. They’d probably pat themselves on the back and go ‘see, this is what happens to gay, Gryffindor, blood traitors.”

“That’s… really fucked up,” Remus said. Sirius shrugged and submerged his head in the water. When he came back up, Remus splashed him in the face, starting a short water fight that Remus had clearly won (no matter what Sirius said).

They didn’t stay in the ocean much longer because the lower the sun sank, the colder the water got. They got out of the water, dried themselves with their wands and then sat back down on their beach towel. The blue water was crystal clear and above it, the sky now looked pink. It was a beautiful sight. But Remus was watching Sirius’ face instead. His wind-swept hair, blue-grey eyes squinting at the setting sun, rays of orange light giving his skin a golden look. Remus’ heart was beating loudly in his ears.

“What?” Sirius asked when he noticed Remus’ staring. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Normally this would be the point where Remus would look away hurriedly, his face burning, claiming that he wasn’t looking at Sirius and joking that he should deflate his ego because not everything was about him. And maybe it was the way Sirius looked today, different from what Remus was used to, in a different setting or maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t seen Sirius in weeks and his resolve had weakened, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away today.

“Moony,” Sirius said. Remus’ heart skipped a beat. “What? Is it my hair?” Sirius’ hand reached up into his hair and ran his fingers through it. It looked both messier and neater somehow. Remus didn’t understand it. Remus would never admit it out loud, not after the number of times he had teased Sirius about it, but Sirius’ hair was every bit as perfect as his arrogant ass claimed it was.

“It’s you,” Remus said, without thinking. “Just… all of you.” Sirius looked at him, eyes wide.

“W-What do you mean?”

“I—” Remus started, when suddenly it hit him what he was about to do. What the fuck was wrong with him? He was going to tell Sirius. He was actually going to do it. “Nevermind,” he mumbles, looking away and blushing as he should’ve done a minute ago when Sirius had caught him staring in the first place.

“What? No, come on, Remus, just tell me,” Sirius teased. Remus shrugged. Sirius turned around so he was facing Remus.

“Remus,” he said, “whatever it is you can tell me. I’m here for you, no matter what.” Remus hesitated.

“Promise you won’t hate me?” he said. He felt stupid asking the question because even if Sirius did promise, it wasn’t a binding contract. Sirius couldn’t control his hatred. Nobody could.

“I promise,” Sirius said. “I could never hate you, Remus.” He looked genuine but Remus knew better than to believe it was true. Promises are broken more often than they’re kept. But not with Sirius, he thinks. Sirius has never broken a promise he made to Remus. Not once. Well, he’s about to, said a voice in his head. Remus tried to ignore that voice as he spoke.

“Okay,” Remus let out a shaky breath. “Okay. I… I like you, Sirius. Like, um, a lot.” Sirius remained silent for a moment.

“I like you too, Rem,” he said quietly. Remus felt his chest burn.

“You don’t understand,” he said, shaking his head. Because Sirius couldn’t… he couldn’t possibly… But his thoughts are interrupted when Sirius speaks again

“Oh, I think I do,” Sirius said. Remus opened his mouth to reply but Sirius got there first. “Can… can I kiss you?” Remus closed his mouth.

“W-What?” he stuttered, his brain taking several moments to process what Sirius had just said to him.

“We don’t have to,” Sirius said hurriedly. “I was only—” But Remus cut him off by pressing their lips together. In a rush of adrenaline, fear and excitement he ignores the voice in his head saying this is a bad idea, that he misunderstood something, that this isn’t really what Sirius wants and instead he listens to Sirius. He hears Sirius’ voice echoing inside his head. Can I kiss you? Can I kiss you? Can I kiss you? Yes, you bloody well can. This is all Remus has wanted, what he’s been dreaming about for months. But not even in his wildest dreams could he have imagined what it would be like to really kiss Sirius. To have Sirius kiss him back. To thread his fingers in Sirius’ hair and feel Sirius’ hands pressing into his back, holding him close. And with all of Remus’ expansive vocabulary, he couldn’t think of a single word to describe this feeling that could even come close to how extraordinary it is. All he could think was Sirius. Sirius is touching me. Sirius is holding me. Sirius is kissing me.

When they break apart, they’re both breathless. Remus can’t think straight. Everything in his brain is one big mess.

“You— I— we just…” Remus has seemingly forgotten how to speak. And the grin on Sirius’ face is definitely not helping.

“Told you I understand,” Sirius said, taking Remus’ hand in his.

“You actually… like me?” Remus asked, bewildered.

“Um, yeah,” Sirius said, laughing as if it had been obvious. “For, like, a really long time.”

“I– why didn’t you say anything?” Remus asked.

“I could ask you the same,” Sirius said, shrugging. “But I don’t think it matters much. What matters is that I like you and you like me and…”

“And?” Remus prompted. Sirius looked him in the eyes and bit his lip.

“And I’d like to, um… take you out. On a date. Sometime. If that’s something that you might be interested in?” He said it like a question, looking nervous up at him.

“Yeah, I– of course, I–I’d love to go on a date with you,” Remus said. He could feel himself blushing. God, he was so awkward. Sirius cupped his cheeks with his hand, leaning towards closer again, ghosting his lips on Remus’.

“Your face is warm,” he said, his lips brushing against Remus’ mouth as he spoke, which only made Remus blush harder.

“Well no fucking shit,” Remus said, rolling his eyes. And then he kissed Sirius properly, fitting their mouths together like it was the most natural thing in the world.

When the sun had gone down, they finally left the beach, each going back to his own home. Remus hadn’t known how badly Sirius would be punished for sneaking out the following day; if he had he might have never agreed to it. Or might have told Sirius not to go home.

It was that summer that Sirius finally decided to run away from home for good. Remus couldn’t help but feel guilty no matter how many times Sirius told him that he would have done it anyway. Besides, meeting at the beach was Sirius’ idea, not Remus’. But Remus couldn’t forget the moment he finally understood just how terrible things had been at the Black household.

He remembered going over to the Potter’s house after getting a letter from James saying that Sirius was staying with him. He remembered being horrified when he saw Sirius’. Bruised and scarred from the blows that his own parents struck and curses that they fired at him. That night he cradled Sirius, holding him close and promising that he would take care of Sirius, that Sirius was safe with him. He told Sirius that he loved him and that he always will. It had never occurred to him that maybe Sirius wouldn’t say the same about him.

Tossing, turning, struggled through the night with someone new and I could go on and on, on and on. Lantern, burning, flickered in the night, only you but you were still gone, gone, gone

Everything had changed in a single night. In a single night, he had lost Lily, James and Peter. He’d lost Sirius too but not in the same way. He’d lost them all because of Sirius. Sirius had killed them. And in doing so, Sirius had been lost as well. He hadn’t died but Remus counted him with the losses. He might as well have died. He’s dead to me, Remus thinks, he doesn’t matter. He killed them. He killed them all. It was all him. The man that he knew had died. Remus had wondered how long ago it had happened.

He had been tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep from fear of the war, images of everyone he had lost, turning to Sirius for comfort. To someone he thought loved him. But this was someone else. Someone new. This wasn’t the boy he’d fallen in love with.

Remus remembered laying in bed the night before everything had gone to hell. It felt like a million years ago, but he remembered it all the same. He remembered how Sirius hadn’t spoken to him in the weeks before. He remembered devising a plan to find out if Sirius still loved him. Because that’s what he did best. At school, he devised plans for pranks. After school, he helped devise plans for the Order. He was good at planning ahead. So he made a plan. Because he couldn’t go on living in the same apartment as Sirius, sleeping in the same bed without exchanging a word, not knowing whether Sirius still reciprocated his feelings. His plan kept him sane. But his plan had failed. Or maybe it had succeeded. It just hadn’t given him the results he’d been hoping for. Because when he got into bed that night, he waited long enough that Sirius would think he was asleep. Then he turned towards Sirius and brushed his fingers on Sirius’ back. And Sirius got up and walked away. And just like that, the last flame of hope Remus had left flicked out.

Remus remembered thinking that Sirius had fallen out of love. But maybe he hadn’t. Maybe he had simply never loved Remus in the first place. Maybe this wasn’t someone new at all. Maybe this person, this murderer, was in fact the very same boy he’d fallen in love with all those years ago. Maybe this was all part of some sick scheme. Maybe Sirius had hated him all along. Sirius had promised he would never hate Remus. But what is a promise, really? Promises are made to be broken. Remus had to learn that time and time again. He should just stop believing people when they make promises. He wouldn’t believe anymore, he told himself. He promised himself. There was nobody left to believe. Nobody left to promise him anything anyway. Sirius was gone. They were all gone, all his friends. And they’re never coming back.

Your kiss, my cheek, I watched you leave. Your smile, my ghost, I fell to my knees.

Remus’ world is on fire. Everything has burned the ground and he’s left to scrape away the ashes and try to find something he can put back together. Alone.

He can still feel the sting of Sirius’ lips against his cheek. He can still remember Sirius’ easy smile, his light-hearted laughter ringing through the walls of the room that Remus is in right now. But then he blinks again and now he’s seeing Sirius’ face on a ‘wanted’ poster for the first time. He doesn’t remember how he found the poster that night. It’s not important anyway. All he remembers is the feeling of looking down and seeing a photo of the love of his life behind bars, arrested for the murder of his three best friends. He remembers collapsing. Literally, falling to his knees as quickly as the tears fell down his cheeks. He remembers crying, sobbing, screaming out. 

He remembers thinking of every happy moment he’d ever had with his friends, with his boyfriend. He’d never make any more memories like that. He had felt empty that day. Hollow. That feeling still hasn’t gone away. Remus feels like a ghost. A ghost of the memories from before this all happened. He haunts himself. But Remus is not a ghost. He’s the only one still left alive. He’d rather be a ghost right now. He’d rather be dead. At least then he wouldn’t feel this pain. At least then he wouldn’t feel like he’s been pulled apart. Nobody can glue him back together now. There’s nobody left alive that would try. There’s nobody left alive, period. Nobody but him.

This love is good, this love is bad, this love is alive back from the dead, oh, oh, oh. These hands had to let it go free, and this love came back to me, oh, oh, oh. This love left a permanent mark, this love is glowing in the dark, oh, oh, oh. These hands had to let it go free, and this love came back to me, oh, oh, oh

Sirius has been staying at Remus’ apartment for a couple of days now, sleeping on the couch in Remus’ living room. It’s been weeks since that night he found out the truth. The night he nearly killed everybody he cared about. The few still left alive. The night he saw Sirius again for the first time in twelve years. It’s been weeks but Remus can’t figure out how he feels about Sirius after everything they’ve been through. On one hand, Remus can’t believe how unbelievably lucky he is to have Sirius back. He can’t believe that Sirius is here. That he’s innocent. And he wants things to go back to how they were. He knows that’s impossible but he wishes it could happen.

But on the other hand, there are still so many complications, so many questions. Is being together wise? Is it advisable? Is it responsible? Even if Sirius wasn’t still a wanted criminal, would they be able to repair their relationship? To pick up their shattered love and piece it back together? They’d been through so much together and so much apart. Remus isn’t the same person he was 12 years ago and neither is Sirius. Does Sirius even still love him? Does he still love Sirius, after everything? He buried those feelings deep, deep down inside him on the night of Sirius’ arrest. Are they still there? Do they still exist, locked somewhere in the depths of his heart? Remus is sure they do. What else could be squeezing in his chest every time he looks at Sirius? It’s like a game of tug-a-war in his mind, back and forth. This love is good, this love is bad.

All this is why, right now, when Sirius is saying that they need to talk and they’re seated in the living room side by side on the couch, Remus feels like words are failing him. He’s disappeared into his own head until Sirius’ words snap him out of it, his voice ringing in Remus’ head.

“Remus?”

“Yeah?” he says, sounding dazed.

“I–I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. I would never intentionally hurt you, Remus, I promise.” His eyes pleaded with Remus to believe him. Remus had promised himself that he would never believe people when they make promises. But here he was, believing again. Never believe a promise, even when you’re the one making the promise to yourself. Especially when you make the promise to yourself.

“I—” Sirius starts again, seeing that Remus doesn’t know what to say. He closes his eyes and takes a breath before continuing. “I still love you, Remus. And I understand if you don’t feel the same anymore, really I get it. But I just thought you should know. I’ll always love you.” Remus can barely breathe. Sirius still loves him. This is a bad idea, says a voice in his head. Fuck good and bad. Remus doesn’t care. The important this is that this love is fucking alive. It died. And now it’s back. Back from the dead. Sirius is back. He came back to me, Remus thinks. He’s innocent. He came back and now he’s telling me he still loves me. Sirius is here. Remus desperately wants this to be real. He wants them to be real again.

Sirius’ love left a permanent mark on Remus. Not like his scars. This is something different. More like a tattoo. Something that he’d chosen at first and couldn’t get rid of later. In all the years that Sirius had been in Azkaban, in all the years Remus had willed himself to forget Sirius, to hate him, the tattoo had never faded. And now that Sirius is back, Remus doesn’t have to want it to fade. So in a lapse of judgement, he kisses Sirius. He kisses Sirius and that tiny flame that had flickered out all those years ago is back. Remus feels it fill him up as Sirius kisses him back, hands in hair, arms around waists, fingertips on bare skin. And when they break apart, Remus still feels the warmth of Sirius’ body against his.

“I missed you so much,” Sirius murmurs against his lips and Remus feels like he’s back on that beach the first time he kissed Sirius.

“I missed you too,” Remus says, a tear trickling down his face.

“Really?” Sirius asks, pulling away to look at Remus with his eyebrows raised. “But you thought I was a murderer?”

“I know,” Remus says. “I didn’t want to miss you. But I did. I couldn’t help it. I wanted you back.”

“I’m back now,” Sirius says, hugging Remus tightly. “I’m back and I’m never leaving. And I’m all yours, love.”

“I never stopped loving you,” Remus whispers in his ear, tears spilling from his eyes even though they’re squeezed shut. “I hated myself for it. But I loved you every day you were locked in that cell. And I still love you now.”

“I love you too,” Sirius whispers back.

It’s the only light in this crushing, suffocating darkness of death and war and grief and guilt. That flame, his and Sirius’ love, glows amidst the dark. And it’s what keeps Remus going. And this time, Remus will never let go of Sirius.

[gins-potter]

Casting Thoughts

Yes, I did a long post when the rumours first dropped but hey now it’s confirmed plus we have characters descriptions, and I’m bored so let’s do this all over again people.  Under the cut because it got long

Sisi Stringer as Rose Hathaway

I said this in my other post but I’m pretty happy with Sisi as Rose.

Visually I think she’s a great fit, I love that they casted a WoC in the main role, and I think if she can bring Rose’s humour and sarcasm to the role, she’s going to do great.

The character description mentions Rose being “fiery and outspoken”, happy to jump into the action, and the strongest fighter in her class but struggling to toe the line, which is all very Rose-esque, especially in the first book.  It sounds to me like they have a good grasp on her character.

I’m a little disappointed we didn’t hear more about Rose as a character since she is the lead - it felt like the descriptions for Lissa and Dimitri both gave us a little more to go on - but it is only a very preliminary description so I’m happy to wait for more.

Daniela Nieves as Lissa Dragomir

Daniele is another one who I was happy with straight away.

She’s probably not what I imagined for Lissa visually but that’s not a bad thing either; I will be interested to see if they dye her hair a lighter colour (like a caramel-blonde) but personally that’s not something I need to see for her to be a great fit for Lissa.

I think she has a very sweet face which works well for a character like Lissa but I think she’s also going to be able to stand up in Lissa’s more fiercer moments which is nice to see as well.

The character descriptions mentions her as being “carefree and kind-hearted” who “coasts” through life until a death in the family thrusts her into a new role.  That sounds a lot like pre-series Lissa so I wonder if we’re going to see a bit of that in the show before Andre (and her parents??) die and see that change.  

It’s curious though that she’s described as the younger sister of the heir apparent - which would be Andre - so it sounds like they’ve changed it so Andre was supposed to be King.  Obviously a deviation from the books but I don’t hate it?  I don’t think it would change Lissa’s arc all that much because obviously she was always going to grow up to be an influential royal figure, this just slightly changes the dynamics of it.

The description also specifically mentions that she’s uninterested in “political machinations” and the “hypocrisy of the moroi royal society” which sounds very accurate to book!lissa as well.

All in all I’m very happy with what they’re doing with Lissa.

Keiron Moore as Dimitri Belikov

This is one who’s really grown on me since the rumoured cast list started circulating.  At first I was kind of eh about him but I can really see him as Dimitri now.

I will be curious to see if he grows out his hair or not though.

As far as I know Keiron is not Russian, there’s not a lot about him online, but there’s some instagram activity on his account linking him to UK based companies so that would be my guess as to where he’s from.  They’ve kept Dimitri’s incredibly Russian name so I guess we’re to assume Keiron might be doing an accent and they’re keeping Dimitri’s backstory relatively the same?  I’m not gonna be super mad if they change it just because I think it’s doable for him not to be Russian (I know, I know a whole book is set in Russia but lbr here they could make him from anywhere and just send Rose there in that book).

The biggest thing for me will be his chemistry with Sisi, Danila and Zoey had great chemistry (imo anyway) which saved the move a little for me, so it’ll be important that Sisi and Keiron do as well.  They’ve interacted a few times online which is cute so I’m hoping they were able to do some chemistry reads and that will translate on screen.

The character description mentions Dimitri as being “lethal, disciplined, discreet, and totally committed” as well as living by “a deep moral code” but with more going on “beneath his stoic, watchful surface” which sounds exactly like book!Dimitri to me.

They don’t really specify what his role at St Vlad’s is going to be but they do mention that he is a guardian so I’m assuming they’re keeping some sort of age gap between him and Rose.  They also don’t mention anything about their relationship in the description, be it student/teacher, platonic, romantic, whatever, but they do say he has “an expansive spirit that could threaten to expose the underlying tension between his sense of what’s right and his formal duty to the Moroi.” which seems like a nod to their relationship.

Andre Dae-Kim as Christian Ozera

This was one of my favourite casting choices from the original rumoured cast list and I still love it.

The idea of a non-white Christian makes a lot of sense to me and I think Andre could do a great job of Christian’s aloofness (in the first book) as well as his sarcasm and growing confidence across the other books.

His character description confuses me a bit though: “Intelligent and thoughtful, Christian is the pariah of the school and royal court, due to his parents’ unforgivable societal sins.” sounds accurate enough to the book (although idk if thoughtful is quite the word I’d use for Christian - maybe they mean it in the sense that he’s quiet and keeps to himself?).

Even “Well-read and hungry for knowledge” doesn’t sound that far off, idk if he was *that* particularly studious in the books, but it doesn’t necessarily not make sense either you know?

But “he searches for faith-based answers and discovers a kindred spirit who is also looking for the truth” ??? My cynical, irreverent asshole Christian is now a man of faith? I’m assuming Lissa is the “kindred spirit” (again weird word choice but maybe they mean she’s feeling lost because of the death of her family?) but I just cannot see Christian as being particularly religious.

I’m trying to keep an open mind about these changes because you never know they might play out totally different on screen, but I really hope they didn’t make these changes, particularly that Christian is studious and religious, just because they cast an Asian actor as him (because they feel a little like Asian stereotypes).

J August Richards as Victor Dashkov

This is one that didn’t appear on the original rumoured cast list (as far as I saw) and it’s so different to his description in the books that I kind of don’t have an opinion about it as a casting choice.

I’ve never seen him in anything before so purely on a visual level I think he could be a great fit for Victor, I just think it’ll really come down to how he plays it.

As for this character description: “Victor is a Moroi noble vampire with a heart of gold who’s highly regarded for his role as advisor and political strategist to Moroi dignitaries.” as well as mentioning that he has intelligence and influence, sounds pretty accurate to the book.  Obviously if Andre was the heir to the throne, Victor had to be shifted out of that role, but I think his book 1 arc could still work if they wanted it to.

The “heart of gold” bit obviously made me chuckle and I really hope they threw it in there as a kind of decoy to throw non-book-readers off the fact that he’s actually the villain in book 1/s1.

As for giving him a husband and two daughters, my thoughts are: why the fuck not? He didn’t have a love interest in the original books and I’m always down for more lgbtq+ rep.  My only concern is it maybe playing into the trope of evil/villain characters being queer-coded.  And as for having two daughters, well as long as one of them is Natalie I don’t mind.

Anita-Joy Uwajeh as Tatiana Vogel

Okay this is the most bizarre one imo, not because of the casting, but just the character description.

I mean “Tatiana is a Moroi vampire and political underdog who slowly takes the royal court by storm. Motivated by love and a sense of justice, Tatiana has a unique skill of making herself seem of no consequence until we realize much too late that she was always the one to watch.” sounds extremely Tasha Ozera to me, so like why not just make this character Tasha?  Nothing about this sounds like Tatiana, and Tatiana wasn’t even a Vogel anyway (well Vogel wasn’t even one of the 12 royal families), she was an Ivashkov.

In terms of Anita-Joy herself, well I mean we don’t really have a character to compare her to, is she supposed to be more like Tasha or Tatiana?  She looks fairly young, so my guess is actually on Tasha, but we’ll have to wait to see I guess.

Mia McKenna-Bruce as Mia Karp

This is another one that I was instantly a fan of.

I was so not a fan of Mia’s casting in the movie (I can’t even remember who played her tbh but I really didn’t like it) so this Mia is a lot closer to how I imagine her.

I think she’ll be able to carry Mia’s transformation from bratty social-climber to badass fighter really well.

The character description is interesting though.  “Witty, cutting, and just the right kind of ruthless when necessary, non-Royal Mia has a long-term plan to social climb her way into the ranks of royalty, with all the privilege and freedom that entails.” sound pretty bang on to Mia in the first book.

“A plan complicated by her instant chemistry with Meredith, a Guardian-in-training, as Mia struggles to reconcile her attraction to Meredith with her lowly status.” is an obvious deviation though, and one I kind of love???  Give me all the queer rep, and if we get to see Mia confront the issue of comp-het I’m so here for it.  

It’s kind of funny though because I’ve seen theories that Meredith is a replacement for Eddie and Mia/Eddie has always been my sort of rarepair ship.

The last name Karp is weird af though.  Is she supposed to be Sonya’s daughter?  And if that’s the case I wonder if we’re going to actually see Sonya turn Strigoi in the show’s first season or something and that triggers the change in Mia?  Interesting concept but I’m not sure how the timeline will work.

Rhian Blundell as Meredith

So this is another new one, and tbh I hadn’t given Meredith *that* much though in the past but she’s probably close to how I would have pictured her which is cool.

The elephant in the room with this casting is that Meredith’s role in the books was relatively minor - she was just kind of that character that got brought up whenever R.M needed a dhampir who wasn’t Rose/Dimitri/Mason/Eddie.  So clearly she’s going to have a bigger role in the tv show which I don’t mind but I do wonder if we’re going to lose a character - probably Eddie lbr - in order to have her.  They haven’t casted an Eddie yet as far as we know, but I have seen it pointed out that Eddie’s role in book 1 was pretty small so maybe they just aren’t announcing it.  But there’s also the possibility that maybe Meredith will sort of replace Eddie and be the third part of Rose and Mason’s friendship.

I’m very interested by this part of her character description though, “She has little patience for Rose’s volatility or Mia’s elitism, and regularly calls both of them out.”

Jonetta Kaiser as Sonya Karp

I don’t necessarily dislike Jonetta as Sonya but I am confused by this choice.  She looks fairly young, which tbf Sonya was young-ish I guess, but if Mia is supposed to be her daughter she doesn’t look old enough to have a teenaged daughter.  So maybe Sonya and Mia are sisters? Cousins? Just have each other’s last names for no reason? I really don’t know.  They also look nothing alike.

Other than that, I don’t really have an opinion about Jonetta as Sonya.  Obviously looks nothing like how Sonya was described but that’s not new nor a massive concern for me.  

I can’t really tell just from looking at her, and I haven’t seen her in anything, if she would play a good Sonya.  I think with a lot of the characters it’s going to come down to the personality they bring to the part and the writing.

I looooooove her character description though:  “Quiet, careful and decidedly odd, Sonya is not of royal bloodline and sits out on the fringe of Moroi society, preferring to spend her time in the library or her gardens. Not a person who likes a scene, nonetheless she has a quiet but profound power of her own. She is taken by surprise when a Dhampir Guardian named Mikhail shows interest in her, a relationship that will expose both the brightest and darkest parts of her heart.”  It’s everything I would probably want from a description of Sonya and I’m more and more convinced that we’re going to see Sonya’s descent into madness and transformation into a Strigoi play out in maybe the first season which I am so curious how they’re going to work into the timeline.

Andrew Liner as Mason Ashford

Our last one and another one who doesn’t look remotely like his description but again? Not a surprise and not a problem for me.  He looks like he could play Mason’s goofiness really well as well as be a solid contender for a love interest for Rose.

“Charming, loyal and popular, Mason is Rose’s main competition in the quest to become the No. 1 Guardian-in-training. Though their relationship is casual on her side, he is hopeful she will finally look at him and see him as something more.” His character description makes a lot of sense, maybe him being Rose’s main competition is a bit of a deviation? But I think that’s more an indication that he’s supposed to be a strong fighter which isn’t inaccurate to the books.  The rest sounds great.

Other Thoughts

Descriptions of the show specifically mention friendship and classism as major themes which I am very happy to hear about because those are the two parts of VA that I love the most.

Am a little more worried about it being described as “sexy” though, if they shove a whole bunch of meaningless sex scenes in it just because it’s a YA show I’m not gonna be happy.

Seen the show compared to “Game of Thrones” and “Bridgerton” which at first had me like oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck not good not good not good.  But thinking about it more and trying to understand where Plec’s coming from with that description I wonder if means similar to GoT as in the cut-throat nature of the Moroi/Dhampir society cause I can kind of see that.  And as for Bridgerton I wonder if she’s referring to the kind of social-climbing aspects of it, because again that makes sense and it seems like a theme she really wants to concentrate on.  I hope that’s what she means by those comparisons, or that she just wants to compare it to popular shows to get people to watch it.  The worst would be if she tries to throw in a lot of unnecessary sex scenes to make it like those shows, because I hate when they do that, especially when the characters are teenagers.

Interesting to hear that Plec has known about the series since before Twilight or TVD - not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Seems like it’s actually mostly (or all??) written by Marguerite MacIntyre which is interesting because I know people were worried about Julie Plec - I’ve never watched anything by either of them so I’m neutral at this point.

[starfire-s]

here’s a list of the best, mediocre and worst kdramas i watched in 2020

no one asked for this but it’s happening because i have thoughts (also all opinions are my own if you disagree then get well soon i guess... no i’m kidding make your own posts about it don’t hate me please) ahsjsj anyways click to read a lengthy post and if you actually read the whole thing then thank you i hope you enjoy this wild ride! 

THE BEST KDRAMAS -

mystic pop up bar - this show had everything i ask from a kdrama literally i can name it all found family (to real family), well thought out characters, a mystery plot, special effects, soft romances that were well written, a happy ending! no show in 2020 even comes close to how good this one was! the writers literally guided you throughout the whole thing so you could come up with theories and didn’t do a ‘aha! gotcha’ thing where they want to prove the audience wrong but they wanted us to be right and satisfied! the worst part about the drama is that it’s still so underrated and people just brush it off as some random fantasy show but it’s so much more than that! 1000/10

flower of evil - who doesn’t want to see lee joon gi being the son of a serial killer, living with the name of a man who is in a coma, and hiding his real identity from his wife who is a detective? this show constantly had me at the edge of my seat on a weekly basis so the emotions i went through while watching this are unparalleled! the writers also did such a good job on writing a coherent story that made sense and tied up all the plot points in the end. just a really satisfying show to watch! 10/10

where your eyes linger - i literally bought a $8 viki pass to watch this show so it should tell you everything you need to know about how i feel ahsjsj the episodes were 10 minutes long but we got a good story with well written characters who got character development in a total of 80 minutes it’s insane! honestly it’s still hard to believe this show had rookie actors because they were just so emotive that you could feel all the happiness, sadness, yearning and pining! probably one of my fave kdramas this year because of the acting that i always constantly rewatch! would recommend 10/10

crash landing on you - okay so this drama was actually released on my birthday last year and it was a time in my life when i was going through a lot so maybe it’s the comfort this show provided me through that time this is why i have such a soft spot for it? like the romance was good, it was funny, there was found family, the nk soldiers were all softies, there were strong female leads, soft male leads!!! ahh!! no other show on this list made me think about the unification of south korea and north korea irl because i wanted se ri and jeong hyeok to be together 4ever! but the only issue i had with this show was the ending they gave seung jun if they didn’t do that i’d give this show a 10/10 but just for that they get a 9/10

psycho but it’s okay - this was one of those shows where you’re literally like ‘wow everyone here needs therapy’ but this show was amazing i loved the story telling and how each episode related to children’s book/fairytales! the writers also did a good job with how carefully they talked about mental health in depth without villainising their characters but actually tried to make the audience understand why they were this way which included all the side characters too who had a well thought out story in each episode! also the dynamic between moon young, kang tae and sang tae was everything to me the actors all did an amazing job portraying their characters, it truly was a healing drama. the only thing i didn’t like about this show was the whole plastic surgery plot with the mother like that was very far fetched but it provided drama so i’ll let it slide because the rest was amazing. this show is a solid 8.5/10

18 again - another underrated gem! who would’ve thought a remake of that zac efron movie could be this good!! lee do hyun stole this show for sure the way he portrayed his character and gave heart eyes to his kids (when he’s only 25 irl was the best thing i saw this year ahsjs) i loved the family dynamics in this show, i loved how it talked about what it’s like to be young parents and how society still think it’s taboo to be divorced! it’s a show that makes you laugh and cry at the same time and that’s why everyone should watch it! however, the biggest clown thing this show did to me though was that i got sls for the first time while watching a kdrama... hwang in yeop if u’re reading this i love u and u deserved better 🤡 that aside this show was a 8/10

itaewon class - i actually didn’t watch this drama as it was airing because i thought i wouldn’t enjoy the plot but when i watched it i binged the whole thing in 2 days and my biggest regret is i didn’t watch it sooner! everyone knows i have a soft spot for park seo joon since he’s my favourite actor i’ve literally watched all his dramas like he could star in the trashiest drama out there and i’d still watch it and be like wow (looking at she was pretty 👀) this show aside from the acting had one of the best revenge plots in a kdrama! just watching a character realistically hustle his way to reach the top while fighting the corrupt man whose son killed his father was so so satisfying to watch! however, the love triangle in this show was questionable idk what they were trying to do with that but it personally annoyed me! but still i’ll give this show a 7.5/10 because i enjoyed it a lot!

do you like brahms? - kim min jae and park eun bin.. that’s all you need to know about why this is a good kdrama! i’m usually not a big fan of melodramas and everyone knows i prefer rom coms but this show was just so perfectly melo that i loved all the angst and pain we got!! also just watching two introverted people awkwardly fall in love was amazing! the characters story arcs were also handled pretty well with song ah finally learning to speak up for herself and joon young learning to express how he truly feels! but... the love square? was probably the most annoying thing the rest in my opinion was nicely done! i know people had mixed feelings about the ending but i loved that after all the pain joon young and song ah went through they got a happy ending together! 7/10

find me in your memory - okay this show started off very slow and it was confusing at the start but as it progressed everything in the plot started to fall into place! i mean this show really took opposites attract to a new level where the male lead could remember every single detail from his life but the female lead had to forget some of her traumatic memories to help her cope with her life! they were also tied together through a mutual character who was a big part of their lives in a different way! just an interesting melodrama with interesting characters i liked it! and moon ga young... i love you queen!!! 7/10

THE MEDIOCRE KDRAMAS -

more than friends - was the storytelling in this show groundbreaking? no. was the acting decent? yes. also probably the main reason i stuck with this show until the end! i think we can all agree lee soo had the best character development on this show he started off as a bad boy who wore one ear stud to actually becoming a well liked character... who else did it like him? no one. also the chemistry between the mains was 🔥 but the second male lead was so annoying is there a opposite word for second lead syndrome because i had that for sure! i think the best part about this show was the people i watched it with on here... shoutout to the five of us ahsjsj also this show introduced me to a talented actor/singer like ong seong wu (y’all know my kpop knowledge is nonexistent so no i didn’t know he was in a band called wanna one) all in all a predictable show but i had fun watching it so 6.5/10

tale of the nine tailed - i didn’t actually watch this show i watched it through gifs and instagram posts ahsjsjs so am i qualified to talk about my opinion definitely no... will I talk about it anyways yes lmao. lee rang deserved better that’s all goodbye and take care. 5.5/10

start up - probably one of the most awaited opinions. y’all thought this would be in the worst kdramas section but i decided to give this show some rights. the show started off strong, lost it’s way after episode 6 and then the last episode gave me what i wanted so i have mixed feelings. the writing was not the best i think we can all agree, love triangle as a plot device? wow so groundbreaking 🤡 the characters on the other hand... i loved every single one of them i mean ship wars? i don’t know her. the show had a lot of potential that was wasted but we also got some cute moments between the characters so there was really no winning or losing with this show? but in all honesty you can’t put a talented cast together like this and then just decide to give the audience a mediocre plot but the writers did exactly that! i think i can redirect y’all to my ‘crimes this show committed’ post for a in-depth analysis. lastly nam do san was a GOOD and REFRESHING male lead and ji pyeong was also a GOOD and FUN second male lead!!! this show gave me the ugliest ship war ever that i was transported back to my high school tvd days so thank you for that!! but the cast was loveable and all had a lot of chemistry together so here’s a 5/10 maybe that's too generous but... i think the reason why i didn't enjoy watching this show as much was definitely because of the tag on here lmao

THE WORST KDRAMAS -

the king eternal monarch - i miss clowning this show so much. the amount of braincells i lost while trying to understand this plot... i should be compensated by the writers. however, woo do hwan was a treat to look at on a weekly basis... however the writers kept decreasing his screen time even though he had a dual role... make it make sense? and i cannot comment on the plot of this show because i still don’t understand anything? also in my opinion tae eul and lee gon were the most bland couple of 2020, there was no chemistry between them and there was just a random kiss in episode 5 and they randomly said i love you... where was the development? also lee gon was soooo boring and such a one dimensional male lead! literally all the side characters were so much more interesting and the cast was good... but this plot. 2/10

do do sol sol la la sol - i wanna fight the writer who decided that the plot twist on the show would be that jun is a minor? i had no expectations from this show but it looked cute and nonsensical but that plot twist made me run the other way so fast that i never looked back! just because jun is a boy they really thought this would be excused like lmao we all have critical thinking skills???? the clown behaviour. a solid 1/10

record of youth - i hate this show so much. imagine not utilising park so dam who just starred in the biggest oscar winning movie to her full potential. imagine just making her a love interest to park bo gum’s character in the year 2020. i watched it up until episode 6 and i kept waiting for her character to get development... but it never happened so i dropped this show. also this show featured the MOST useless love triangle i have ever seen in my life like what was the point? also park bo gum’s characters family was straight up annoying (minus the grandpa) but they got so much screen time like that should’ve been given to park so dam... also villainising a gay side character for no reason at all in the year 2020? this show was a waste of my time i want the 6 hours i spent watching this back. -100/10 

backstreet rookie - i watched one episode of this and literally wanted to rip my eyeballs out of my head. idk what ji chang wook was thinking when he signed this drama i think he lost his ability to read because that's the only reasonable explanation for why he chose to star in such a dumpster fire show! this show had a racist character... had a high schooler kiss an adult... sexist jokes... just the worst things you can think of in a drama... this show had it. i still can’t believe so many people watched this show to the point where it had better ratings than pbio... really made me question everyone’s taste? but sorry can’t relate my taste is excellent so here’s the rating this show actually deserves -1000/10

if you made it this far... thank you for reading. let’s continue to love some kdramas together and get clowned by others in 2021! looking forward to it 😅

[1ddotdhq]

🧙‍♂️ Wed Sept 23 ‘20 🦁

Z3 Z3 Z3 Z3 Z3 HOLY SHIT Z3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, I’m not certain about an album, but we’re definitely getting a single on Friday! I’m just keeping my hopes up! Um, okay. How do I start? So at 9:30 am EST (or 2:30 pm BST, depending on where in the world he is!) Zayn dropped a teaser trailer for a new song, with the caption #better, which is the name of the song! This follows last night's movement, where he changed his Spotify header, as well as his twitter icon. I’m gonna be honest here: when I saw his new twitter profile picture, I thought it was a picture of Liam and I was SO! CONFUSED! But it’s not! It’s Zayn pulling an angsty face that Liam often pulls in HIS modeling gigs, so it looks like they have a similar bag of tricks haha! ANYWAYS, the song will drop on Friday, 9/25!!! Place your bets: will the song or the baby drop first??? 

If THAT wasn’t enough Zayn movement, he posted a SPONSORED AD for the new Harry Potter game both on Instagram AND on twitter (both at 7 am EST), and then he did a taped ad for it, too! It...looks to be some wizarding version of Candy Crush, but you know nerd!Zayn and his Harry Potter tattoo - he only had good things to say about it: “[During quarantine] I’ve been doing...music, recording, painting, but my main pastimes has been playing games, and that’s how, like, I keep in touch with my friends...you get to choose which House you want to be put in. I picked Gryffindor...so yeah, it’s really cool.” He says he likes Gryffindor because he’s always been drawn to “the hero types”. Sounds like the start of a bad rom com, doesn’t it? 

Anyways! Zayn’s not the only one that has spent his quarantine making music, painting, and gaming: LIAM went live at 8 am BST to do his promised zoom meetings with fans and announce that his rewatch show is on Saturday the 26th at 8 am BST. Oddly enough, Harry Potter (and the new game!) was a major talking point in this live. Before we get further into the discussion, the Intern would like to say that JKR is a massive TERF and I think we should be reading queer fantasy novels and uplifting the queer community rather than focusing on her worlds/making he more profit, but that discourse didn’t come up in Liam’s live, funnily enough! What did come up? Well...the online games did! Someone in the chat said: “What’s your Hogwarts House?” and Liam (love him lots) took that as an invitation to talk about the new Harry Potter games: “I’ve done a lot of those online...like, online Harry Potter games (so has Zayn!), and I always end up in either Gryffindor or Hufflepuff, but no one wants to be in Hufflepuff...I want to be a lion”. And then - and I cannot make this up - he GROWLED. Those hero types, huh? Can’t do a thing about them!  He also suggested that he do a Harry Potter watch along in his next live, and guys, it takes me long enough to get through his lives taking notes NOW, MY HANDS WILL NOT SURVIVE A TWO HOUR LIVE. 

Other fun moments from the live show included his reveal (slip?) that he did not live with Maya! When asked what his morning routine was, he said it was “to get up in the biggest mood ever and then hope he has an hour to himself before he sees anyone”. But? That would almost CERTAINLY not be the case if you had a live in girlfriend! He also gave a brief reaction to Harry’s Calm story, and had a bant with Conor (his cameraman) about it (“Imagine you’re in the tour bus,” Conor said. “Shut UP! You’re RuInINg it for ME.”). Also, the chat told Liam to tell Niall to “strip that down”, to which Liam replied: “Niall’s been stripping it down a lot at the moment! he’s been stripping it down a lot! I’ve seen his Instagram stories, and I know it’s hot at the moment but the shirt has been off 24/7, which used to be my tactic.” Niall, even LIAM wants you to put a shirt on, buddy, so idk what to tell you. He also said, about Bear, that “he’s fantastic! [He’s] a sweet, lovely little boy, and I don’t know how that happened, given that he’s my son. Must get it from his mother ‘cuz it’s not from me!” He mentioned - again - doing a paint along with fans, as he’s ALSO been doing a lot of painting during quarantine. What do you think I would have to do for a joint Ziam paint along live?  And he was  unsure if “te amo” was a real thing in Spanish. Yes, Liam, it is, y te amo a ti también!! 

And, if that were a normal day, that would be it! That’s more than enough after all, but NOPE! No rest for the wicked, I guess, so on we go: 

Harry was seen shooting his music video in Italy in a white V-neck nightshirt that could be seen billowing in the wind as he ran dramatically. New pictures also show him in a long purple nightgown and a fedora, as well as driving a little speedboat (with a bright, Vespa blue interior) off of the Italian coast. As far as I can tell, his rings are not back (probably a smart choice, given the amount of handwashing he’s hopefully doing) but his pearl necklace is (love to see it!). In one of the boat pictures, he can be seen on his phone, either taking a picture or on a facetime call, but I, personally, hope he brings photographer!H back, too! Gotta tell you, and I know we said it for Watermelon Sugar, but I really hope this is a continuation of the Eroda universe - any comments @/visiteroda?  Fan reports say that his Italian is very good, and that he’s kind. Nothing new there, but always great to hear it! 

AND! In a ONE DEE DISCOURSE EXCLUSIVE: I can reveal ~exclusively~ that Nick Gordon, of yesterday’s clown car, has a TWIN BROTHER, named Nathan! Good bye Gretchen, Tina, and Eleanor and HELLO Nathan and Nick. Imagine the shenanigans that they can pull with THIS in their back pocket! The thing is - the more we learn about the situation, the less we seem to know - TMZ reports that Nick and Briana have had an on again off again relationship for the last ten years, but Nick Gordon has had a long term girlfriend for at least three of those ten years, until they broke it off last year! In fact, TMZ continued in a bemused tone, BRIANA has been seen with multiple men over the course of the last year. Guess they were VERY off, huh?

[meruz]

Aforementioned long ask post please excuse me while i try to figure out tumblr's new text editor. I’ll get into the art meme questions first and then the rest at the end.

Ok first of all thank you all for sending in questions! Giving me an excuse to talk hehe. I’ll address these in number order. Here’s a link to the ask meme for reference but also I’ll restate the question for ease of reading.

1. When did you get into art?

Super cliche answer but I don’t remember a time where I WASN’T the weird art kid! I started keeping a dedicated sketchbook when I was about 12? But here’s a page from my kindergarten journal about what I want to be when I grow up.

2. What art-related sites have you ever signed up for? 

LOL this is a weird question. Not sure why so many people want to know. Anyways I definitely had a dA. more than one dA account. I used to browse oekakis when I was a kid but I think I was only signed up to some small ones that internet friends owned. What else...? Mangabullet,Tegakie, Paintberri, iscribble back when that was a thing, instagram if that COUNTs, I used to post art on livejournal and dreamwidth too. Patreon, I guess. Gumroad, inprnt, bigcartel, storenvy all for selling stuff.

In terms of resources.. I have a schoolism account that I’m sharing with friends. Used to take classes on coursera for free. I signed up to textures.com for work recently haha. I can’t remember if I ever had an account on posemaniacs. Did they have accounts...? I definitely used to visit all the time.

3. Show us your oldest piece of art you have on hand.

Alright here’s me actually logging into my old deviantart account. These are from September 2008 So I was 13 years old. I don’t have a deviantart account from before then because 13 was the required age for having an account and I didn’t want to lie about my age because I wanted people to be impressed by how young yet clearly incredible at art I was LOL.

4. What defines your artistic style?

You guys are probably more equipped to answer this than me but uh... I wanna say... Focus on colors. And... a slightly heavy hand? Like confident... not always well-considered mark making HAH...

Also I think I have a pretty healthy mix of american comics/manga influences. I feel like people who are into american comics always think my art is too manga and people who are into anime/manga always think my art is too american. And I’m taking that as a good sign.

5. Do you practice other styles/have you tried other styles in the past?

I like to think I switch it up a bunch! I mean, these are pretty different, right?

I think I’ve mentioned this before but one thing I really took away from art school is that, for an illustrator at least, art style shouldn’t be consistent. Your greatest weapon is changing the aspects of your style based on the task, the emotions and message you want to illustrate etc. So depending on the project I’m working on, the fandom I’m drawing for, whether I want something to be funny or serious or dramatic, I’ll change things about my style all the time.

One thing I don’t rly post on here is really tight polished work and that’s because I do that for my day job haha. If you’re not paying me... I’m probably not gonna color in the lines.

6. What levels of artistic education have you had?

I have a whole ass diploma LOL. Bachelor of Fine Arts in Illustration. from the Rhode Island School of Design. And I had a great college experience tbh. Besides the student loans. If any of you guys are thinking about art school feel free to e-mail or message me questions or concerns, I’ll be happy to help. Be as honest as I can be.

7. Show us at least one picture you drew or sketched recently that you did not put on a public site.

heres the wandavision kids. Uhh what else do I have...I feel like I’m rummaging for loose change here...

assorted valentines prep doodles

8. What is your favourite piece that you have done?

Well, obviously this is gonna change all the time and generally it’s gonna be my most recent piece LOL. So yeah, why the hell not. I’ll say it’s this one. I have a pretty short memory which I count as a blessing for an artist. I don’t dwell that long on older work and it keeps me moving forward.

10. What do you like most about your art?

I like that it’s something that only I would make! I had this thought fairly recently and I wrote it down in my sketchbook, it’s pretty cheesy and rambling but it felt revolutionary at the time:

So yeah. I like my art best when it’s the most me and for me. And I like it least when it feels like I’m just making something for social media or for other people’s expectations or whatever.

14. What do you like drawing the most?

Kids in baggy clothing are like my go-to LOL idk if that’s obvious. but also I like being challenged so lately I’ve really loved drawing multi-character compositions, environments, weird angles, etc.

oh i LOVE drawing the underside of shoes lol. And bandages. People that are kinda beat up.. I think it comes from getting a bunch of cuts all the time. I’m always patching myself up and I want to patch characters up too.

15. What do you like drawing the least?

mmm I try to find something to like in every drawing but lets see... I don’t like doing commissions of people’s dogs. Just because it’s normally like... a family friend and my mom volunteered me without my consent and I don’t even really know what they’re expecting me to draw and I don’t even get to meet the dog. Also I’m not that great at dog anatomy. Trying to learn though.

18. What is your purpose for drawing?

This could have a million answers! Uhhh to GIT GOOD??? But also to express myself... and also to make money... I mean it depends on what the drawing IS. I draw fanart mostly to connect to people in the fandom so if you ever see me drawing fanart please take it as like an open invitation to talk to me about the character haha. 

20. How would you rank your art? (poor, mediocre, good, etc.)

Good!!! I have a lot of self-confidence primarily born out of ignorance and a short attention span. If I don’t think too hard about how many other artists are mindblowingly unfathombly good... its easy to think I’m good too! LOL

In all seriousness though, I think the opinion a person has of their art is like a crazy balancing act, right? Like you have to think you suck enough to want to get better but also you have to think you’re good enough to not want to give up. I think we’re all walking that line, I know I am! But also I’m a glass half-full type of person so. Most of the time I feel good about it.

22. List at least one of your “artspirations.”

This is a good question because I’ve been trying and failing to put together one of those “influence map” memes for like a full month now. What’s giving me a hard time is I feel like none of these are actually really obvious “““influences”““ in my art? Like it’s hard to see a lot of them in the work I make...? But idk maybe you guys’ll see what I can’t.

And these are just a couple! God there’s so many more. I could talk about other artists for ages, from all different genres of art. Daumier, Rockwell like every illustrator out there, Dana Gibson, Alex Toth, Hiroshi Yoshida, a lot of the Brandywine School. Lots of current working artists too, Karl Kerschl, frikkin Masashi Kishimoto lol, Jake Wyatt, Richie Pope, Edouard Caplain, Matt Cook, Sachin Teng, - lots of big internet artists, Sophie Li, Freddy Carrasco, Milliofish, Angela Sung... like all my friends from art school too. I could just keep going but I’ll stop for now lol.

24. Do you have a shameful art past? (recolour sprite comics, tracing art, etc.)

I mean if that’s how we’re defining shameful?? sure LOL. It’s not sprite comics but I used to do pokemon sprite recolors all the time. And I used to trace manga panels and color them... Granted this was all when I was like under 12 yrs old so it’s not even embarrassing. Can you really call it shameful when a 7 year old wets the bed or whatever? Not really. In fact some of these are cool as fuck. Look

25. Draw a picture!

Man I’m so tired now but here.

I used to get a lot of compliments for drawing people smiling lol but I don’t think I’ve drawn a lot of smiling lately.. here’s proof I’ve still got it.

OK MEME DONE. onto the rest.

I read this ask first thing when i opened my computer in the morning and it made me really emotional.. I’m so glad my sketches could help you!!

I think a lot of artists on social media talk about the struggle of making art but imo not enough people talk about the joy! Like I know it’s corny but. I really meant what I said at the beginning of that sketchbook about re-contextualizing art around process and progress > product and perfection. I think its super important..! The strength of messy, unfinished, and energetic art! For the feeling of it, for the love it!

That's crazy!!! I hope you like 'em. The whole line of x-books is really good rn imo.

Hi! I totally have the answer for digital stuff on my faq lol. But in terms of drawing on paper.. it varies! I tend to use sketchbooking and any on-paper doodling I do as a way to loosen up/warm-up or experiment. But right now my go-to aresenal is:

from top > bottom

- kuretake no.55 doublesided brush pen

- tombow fudenosuke

- muji 0.38 ballpoint

- medium size poscas

- grey tombow double brush pens

- good ol bic mechanical pencil

not EXACTly sure which inking you referring to from my sketchbook but if I had to take a guess it'd probably be the kuretake no55. That's been my main inker, lately. Great for sketching with the thin end too.

You can print out and eat my art if you like. Just please don't mass produce or re-sell. <3

Thanks! I've come to accept that my art is always gonna be sort of gestural and painty naturally. It's getting it to tighten up enough to be legible that's hard lol...

uh yeah lol I agree actually. I think yolei is great.

I assume these asks are related? LOL

1) Yeah totally true. I love David.

2) I don’t take requests, sorry! But if you want to commission me to draw Legion i would be MORE than happy to. Just e-mail me at isellhotdogs@gmail.com.

<33333333333333333333333333

[btssaysstudy]

Rebound Pt. 1

Pairing: Jungkook x reader, Taehyung (V) x reader Genre: Angst Warning: Swearing, cheating mentioned Synopsis: After encouraging your best friend, Taehyung, (also crush) to tryout for the volleyball team, he had gained attention and you started getting closer to one of his teammates. When Taehyung gets himself into a relationship, you found yourself growing attached to Jungkook. However, when Taehyung’s relationship turns sour, he turns to you to fill the void - something Jungkook strongly opposed to. Word count: 6k+

 Idk if people would be interested so request for a part 2 if you’d want one and if you want to be tagged?

PT. 2

“There’s no way I’ll get in.” Taehyung shook his head as he read the sign up form. You rolled eyes and shoved the laptop closer to his face. “You won’t know until you try! Plus, you said you wanted to try something new this year.”

It was the second week of the new academic year. It was your third year in college and Taehyung told you earlier on his new year’s resolution. So you were just doing your best friend duties, making sure he fulfils his resolution. “I don’t know y/n…” Taehyung frowned at the screen but you could see him slowly start to reconsider.

You and Taehyung had met during orientation week as freshmen and ever since, you were inseparable. Your first two years were spent being ‘lowkey’, avoiding the “It Clubs” and spending time within your own circles. Taehyung, on the other hand, had always wanted to try out a new sport however he was rejected when he first tried out track during freshmen year.

“You better do it or I’ll do it for you.” You threatened him, sitting up and giving him a pointed look. He chuckled and reached out for your laptop, beginning to key in his details. You smiled triumphantly, lying back on the bed as you watched your best friend fill up the sign up sheet.

You would never admit it to his face but he was cute. There was no lie in that. Even though he remained ‘lowkey’ with you, Taehyung would still get confessions time to time or even get girls sliding into his DMs. You were sure that if he ever joined any of the “It Clubs”, he would be popular.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Taehyung gave you a questioning look. “Admiring my beauty?” He winked at you and you scoffed, throwing a pillow at his face. “Please, I was just thinking about how popular you’ll get once you get accepted.”

“If I get accepted.” “You didn’t even deny about the popular part.”

Taehyung grinned, shutting the laptop and lying in bed beside you. “If you’re worried about me ditching you, you don’t have to.”

“I’m not worried about that, idiot.” You laughed. Taehying shifted to lie on his left side, looking directly at you. You shifted on your right to look back at him. “Good. Because that won’t happen.”

_____

“Did you hear from them?” You asked, skimming through your lecture slides for the week. Taehyung was over at your dorm room after class, waiting for you to finish your ‘review’ so that you could go out to eat dinner. “I don’t know.”

You turned back to look at your phone lying on your bed, scrolling through his Instagram feed. “I don’t know? What do you mean?”

“I haven’t checked my email.”

“Why not?”

He just shrugged his shoulders, his eyes glued to his screen. You sighed, scooting your swivel chair next to the bed. You shoved him, nagging him to get up and check his email. “If you don’t get in, it’s fine! You survived college so far without it anyway.” After a few minutes of whining and delaying it, Taehyung gave in and signed into his email. You waited anxiously, watching his facial expressions for any signs of bad news or good news. His eyes shifted as he read through his emails. “So? Anything?” You pressed for an answer.

Taehyung locked his phone and tossed it on the bed. You frowned, reaching out to his pat his shoulders. “It’s okay, you did your best—“

“I got in!!” He exclaimed joyfully, pulling you in for a hug, wrapping both his arms and legs around you. You let out a short scream from the shock before wrapping your arms around your best friend to congratulate him, ignoring the fluttering feeling in your chest.

“I’m so proud of you Tae!” You squealed in excitement with him as he rambled on about how he couldn’t believe it and if he was dreaming. You laughed, “Why don’t you let me go and we can go out for dinner to celebrate?”

“Right.” Taehyung cleared his throat, promptly releasing his grasp on you. The two of you grabbed your belongings from your room and left to have a celebratory dinner.

_____

Practice took up a lot of his afternoon time but you saw it coming. Sports clubs are known for being time consuming but you were just glad that Taehyung seemed to be enjoying his time. Being ‘club-free’, you had a lot of spare time in the afternoon to join him at indoor sports hall to watch him train. You did this only because he asked you to be there and because he always promised for dinner after practice.

It didn’t take long for the team to be acquainted to you. “Back again to support your boyfriend, huh?” You looked up from your laptop to see one of Taehyung’s teammate grabbing his bottle of water and towel. You tried to not trail your eyes down to his sweat soaked shirt. “Once again, not my boyfriend.”

“And once again, always good news to me.” He winked at you, to which you laughed in response. “Go and train Kook.”

“Yes ma’am.” He laughed and jogged back to the court. Jungkook was in the same year as you and Taehyung. However, he was in the Volleyball team since freshmen year. There was no doubt about his popularity in college, especially amongst women. You never thought you’d become friends with Jungkook.

You looked around for Taehyung, catching him training his receiving with his seniors. A smile crept on your face as you watched in admiration, noticing how he face could be serious for one second and then flashing his boxy smile the next when his senior would compliment him.

You really had it bad. But it was fine as long as he didn’t know.

Their first volleyball match didn’t take too long to come, Taehyung was having his first game jitters. He had called you the night before the game, asking if he could come over to get his mind off things. You obviously agreed even though you were about to get ready for bed. You were annoyed at yourself at times for always being ready to drop anything for him. Though you reasoned out that it was because you were best friends. But you knew better.

“You’re going to do well Tae.” You placed your hand on top of his as a gesture of encouragement. “I’ve been to almost all your practices. You’re always training so hard and your seniors and coach trust you enough to put you in on the game. You gotta believe yourself sometimes man.”

Taehyung pressed his lips into a thin line, staring down at the floor. “I know you’re right but I’m scared I screw up this chance and they won’t put me in anymore.”

You shook your head, placing both your hands on his shoulders to shift him in a way that he faces you directly. “Stop thinking about the negative side Tae. Just focus on doing your best tomorrow and you will, okay?”

He finally gave you a more relaxed smile, “Yes ma’am.”

You laughed, punching his shoulder lightly. “That’s right. Now you should go rest.” You let out a yawn and he had a guilty look on your face. “Sorry I kept you up y/n.”

“No no, it’s fine. I’m just glad I helped you gather your thoughts before your game.”

“You’re going to be there right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” You grinned at him.

_____

Taehyung was truly a fast learner. His practices was displayed on the court, following the team’s plan easily and reacting to any changes in a split second. He had mad reflexes and it was truly an attractive thing to you. You cheered for him enthusiastically throughout the game. Your college easily took the first win, your whole area jumped up with joy as the team huddled together in celebration. “Come join the party, please?” Taehyung pleaded with his puppy dog eyes, knowing you couldn’t say no to that.

So there you were, in one of the volleyball senior’s house, trying to find a quiet corner to sit and use your phone. You didn’t want to hold Taehyung back and you could see he was enjoying his time with his seniors and newfound “friends”. A pang of jealousy hits you as you watched a batch mate approach him rather flirtatiously, offering him a drink. He was clearly enjoying this attention and you hated it. You admit that you could’ve prevented that by being by his side and party with him but you never liked these scenes.

“Careful, people might think you’re about to murder someone.”

You jumped in your spot, turning to see Jungkook chuckling at you. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You crossed your arms defensively. He shook his head, jutting out his lower lip as he mocked you, “Alright, my mistake. He’s not your boyfriend anyway.”

“Yes I told you Taehyung and I—“

“I didn’t even mention his name.” He raised an eyebrow at you, a smirk tugging on his lips. You glared at him, “Who else would you be talking about?”

Jungkook shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know. I mean there are quite a few seniors over there, like Namjoon, he’s pretty hot too. Did you see his thighs—“

“Okay quit teasing me. I’m not in the mood.”

“Hey I’m sorry, I was just trying to lighten the mood—“

“I don’t need any of that.”

Jungkook nodded his head, following your gaze to see Taehyung with the seniors, being surrounded by a group of girls. He glanced back at you and sighed, “But I’m guessing you need some fresh air?”

You looked at him and grumbled, “Maybe I do.”

Jungkook led you to the backyard where there was a pool and barbecue pit. The two of your sat on the bench next to the pit since most were either in the pool or about to jump into the pool.

“Those girls are harmless you know. They’re always the same ones that come to the party just to flock to the team.”

“I’m not worried about that.”

“Then why are your eyebrows still furrowed like you’re ready to slap a bitch?” Jungkook’s tone was half concerned and half amused. You sighed and leaned back on the bench.

“I’m just not a party person.”

“So why are you still here?” Jungkook followed suit, leaning back into the bench.

“Tae.”

“You did your best friend duties already, y/n.” Jungkook shook his head, “You don’t have to sit through the night to watch him flirt with strangers.”

“Maybe I don’t. But I can’t ditch him. He’s my best friend.”

Jungkook sighed, “I get that, but you gotta remember you’re his best friend too. He shouldn’t be putting you through this.”

“Tae doesn’t know anyway.” You sat up abruptly, pointing a finger at Jungkook. “And it stays that way so you better not utter a single word to him.”

The boy smiled, doing the action of zipping his mouth shut and throwing the key into the pool. You laughed, Jungkook grinning at you. “There’s the laugh I love to hear.”

“Sure.” You scoffed.

“There’s a reason why I joke around with you during practice. It’s nice to hear your laugh.”

You were flustered from that genuine compliment, unsure of how to react. Jungkook laughed and patted your shoulders. “Don’t go falling for me now y/n. You have Taehyung to catch.”

Just from that all the flustered feelings were gone and you playfully nudged the volleyball player.

“You wish.”

_____

You arrived late for one of the volleyball trainings since you had a project meeting to attend to. Once it was over, you excitedly headed over to the indoor sports hall to support your best friend.

However, your mood immediately turned sour the moment you entered.

Who is she? You thought to yourself, stopping a scowl from forming on your face. “y/n!” Jungkook jogged up to you to greet you. “You’re late today.”

“Well at least you noticed that I arrived.” You grumbled, “I should just head home.” You spoke defeatedly while you still watched Taehyung joking around with an unfamiliar figure.

Jungkook sighed, “Yo, Taehyung!” He hollered at his teammate. Taehyung finally noticed you had arrived, happily approaching. “Y/N!” he pulled you into a hug. “H-Hey, sorry I’m late.”

“No no it’s fine! Anyway, I have updates to tell you.” He wriggled his eyebrows and you looked at him in confusion. “What updates?”

He grinned cheekily at you before tilting his head in the direction of the girl waiting behind. “We met at the party and exchanged numbers.”

“Oh!” You feigned excitement for your friend. You felt your heart ache from the news and you were ready to turn around and dash out. Taehyung was about to head back to court before he stopped, “Oh yea,” He looked back at you, “I can’t go out for dinner after practice. I’m taking her out somewhere. That’s cool with you right?”

“Y-Yea sure! We can always eat another time.” You smiled at him.

“Thanks y/n, you’re the best!” He flashed you two thumbs up before heading off.

“I’m guessing you’re leaving?” Jungkook came back to your side. “I have no reason to stay anyway.” You sounded defeated and you couldn’t be bothered to sound okay in front of Jungkook.

“Wait!” He grabbed the strap of your bag. “Why don’t we head out for dinner? Stay and watch.”

“Watch then flirt with each other? I’ll pass.” You scoffed.

The coach blew his whistle, signalling everyone to get back on court. “Just think about okay? We’ll go out for dinner afterwards.”

Jungkook gave you his classic charming smile but you could see it in his eyes that he was concerned about you. You gave in, nodding your head and made your way to the seats.

Throughout the practice, you were glued on your laptop, distracting yourself so that you won’t look at Taehyung and his new girl. You had to admit that you would catch yourself watching Taehyung being dead serious during practice. You would roll your eyes when you hear his ‘number one’ supporter cheering him on, while at the same time, hating your jealous side.

Once practice ended, Taehyung came up to you, slightly surprised. “Y/N! You’re still here! I thought you would’ve left.”

With a shrug, you opened your mouth to reply but Jungkook had beaten you to it. “She waited for me!” The sweaty player jogged up to your side, draping his arm over your shoulder.

“You’re sweaty.” You commented, trying to wriggle out from his grasp. “Yes I’m aware.”

“Waited for you?” Taehyung directed the question at his teammate who just nodded his head. You spoke up, “We’re going out for dinner.”

“O-Oh!” Taehyung’s eyes widened slightly before composing himself, “Well have fun you two! I’ll head off first! I’ll text you tonigh!” Taehyung ruffled your hair and headed off with his new companion.

“You’re stiff.” Jungkook shook your shoulders, trying to loosen you up. “Let’s just go for dinner.” You ignored his comment, grabbing your bag to head off with Jungkook.

Jungkook really took you by surprise. You couldn’t help but have a prejudice against members of these “It Clubs” in your college. You knew it was bad to assume but most of time, it was accurate. However, with Jungkook, he was actually shy at times. He could be really confident when he stood on court but you noticed outside the indoor sports hall, he was almost a different person.

“You know, never thought I’d be hanging out with Jeon Jungkook.”

He quirked his eyebrows, “Why do you say that?” You scoffed, “Because anyone on the volleyball team is usually popular.” He chuckled, ruffling his own hair. “I always hated that.”

“Oh sorry I didn’t mean to offend—“

“N-No no, you didn’t.” Jungkook shook his head. “I love my team members. They’re like one of the few real friends in college. I never knew how bad this popularity craze was until I joined the team. I just never got it. We’re all just college students.”

Nodding your head, you tried to think of a response. You never knew Jungkook had these thoughts. Then again, you never really sat down to get to know him better. Jungkook chuckled and you looked back up at him. “What’s so funny?”

“It’s nothing. Just feels nice to talk about it with someone.”

You gave him a comforting smile to which he returned one as well, for the first time, you both truly just enjoyed being in each other’s presence.

Ever since your dinner with Jungkook, you guys grew closer. You started to look forward to meeting Jungkook after training or after your own classes. Taehyung had also been busy with his own date and it seemed to be going well since his frequency of contacting you had decreased over the weeks. You had stopped going to watch their training since your midterms were drawing near, agreeing to meet Jungkook at a chosen eatery afterwards. “How’s Taehyung?” “What do you mean by how is he?” “Did he not tell you?” Jungkook looked hesitant to continue his sentence. You straightened your back, narrowing your eyes at Jungkook. “Tell me what?” Jungkook averted your gaze, slumping back in his seat. “They fought and the girl called it off. He skipped practice thrice in a row.”

“W-What?”

You started to wondering why Taehyung didn’t update you about it. Whenever you asked him about his relationship, he would say things were going well and it didn’t seem that it was going sour. “I didn’t know…” Your voice trailed off as you started to worry for Taehyung.

After a short moment of silence, you caught Jungkook raise his hand to get the bill. “Come on, I know you want to go check up on him. Let’s call it a night.”

“N-No, I can drop him a text later on.” Jungkook only smiled at you but you were taken aback by how forced it look. “Can’t fool me y/n.”

You frowned, feeling guilty about calling dinner early. “I’m sorry Jungkook. At least let me pay for dinner this time.”

“Not gonna happen. Also, there’s nothing to be sorry about. Let’s go check on your friend.”

After Jungkook insisted on paying for dinner, he accompanied you over to Taehyung’s dorm. “Text me when you’re back home later, yea?” Jungkook ruffled your hair goodbye before stuffing his hands back into his sweatshirts’ pockets and walked off. You watched Jungkook retreat away, wondering why he sounded dejected. Shaking your head, you looked at the door in front of you and knocked for Taehyung.

“Tae? It’s me.”

There was silence on the other side, you waited for a while before knocking once more. “Tae, I know you’re in there—“

“Y/N, why are you here?” Taehyung opened the door wide enough for you to come in. “I’m here to check on my best friend. And also to ask you why you didn’t tell me about what happened.” Taehyung sighed, plopping himself back onto his bed. “How did you find out?”

“Jungkook told me.”

“Jungkook? Since when were you guys so close?”

“Not the point here Tae. Why didn’t you tell me about it?” You asked him in a soft, comforting voice. Taehyung stared at the ceiling, avoiding eye contact. “It’s not a big deal anyway.”

“Really?” You scoffed, glancing around his room, “Your room tells me otherwise.” His volleyball outfit was hanging untouched on his door and polaroids of his newly ended relationship was thrown in the trash. Taehyung had been lounging in the dark before you came as well, his go-to “I’m sad go away” music playlist running softy in the background.

“It wasn’t going to last either. It got pretty rocky towards the end.”

“But I’m your best friend Tae. You shouldn’t be going through this alone.” You patted his knees, telling him to sit up and he did. Taehyung looked into your eyes, “Why can’t we just become a couple?”

“W-What?” You nearly choked on your saliva. Taehyung shrugged his shoulders, “We’re best friends. We know each other’s flaws and secrets. We’re close enough to get together. Why can’t we just get together?”

“Because you have to like each other romantically to get together—“

“We can try things out?”

“Tae, you just broke up with your girlfriend—“

“We’ll take things slow!” Taehyung grabbed your hands in his, ”We’re best friends! That’s like a couple already, all we just need is to go out on romantic dates!” As each second passed by, you knew Taehyung was becoming more attached to his idea and was starting to think that it was the perfect idea. You shook your head, pulling your hands away from him. “That’s a stupid idea Tae.”

Taehyung frowned, reaching for your hands once more. “Y/N, I care for you a lot. More than enough for us to try things out together. Tell me honestly, can’t you see something romantic between us?” You felt your heart pounding, your mind racing back and forth between the two sides. You knew he was just heart broken and he was going to treat you as a rebound. However, another part of you always wanted to try things out with Taehyung, you did like him after all.

“O-Okay fine.”

_____

After that day, Taehyung had been asking you to come back to watch his practices and he was serious about taking you out on dates. You started ignoring Jungkook’s texts. A part of you felt guilty to be talking to Jungkook. He had checked up on you that night to asked if you had gotten back safely. You felt butterflies reading such a simple text from Jungkook. That immediately made you feel guilty and you decided to ignore him.

That was why you had been hesitant to attend volleyball practices, but Taehyung was persistent.

You walked side by side with Taehyung, his arms over your shoulder as he kept you close. These moments made you forget that you were rebound as you allowed yourself to fully enjoy the moment. A big part of you felt that maybe Taehyung won’t see you as a rebound but things could really work out between the two of you. You felt happy being close with Taehyung again and you loved going out with him on dates.

“Y/N! It’s been awhile!” Namjoon hollered, waving wildly at you. You chuckled, greeting your senior hello. Jungkook’s posture perked up as he heard your name, he turned around eager to greet you, only to freeze when he saw you standing close to Taehyung. He composed himself before approaching you two, “What’s going on here?” He forced a teasing tone.

Taehyung grinned like a giddy nine year old boy, pulling you closer to him. “We’re just trying things out.”

Jungkook raised a questioning eyebrow at the sight before him, “Didn’t you just break up, Tae?”

“What does that have to do with me and y/n?” Taehyung frowned at his teammate. Jungkook raised his hands in defeat, shrugging his shoulders. “Nothing! I was just asking.” He casted a disappointed look in your way and you wished you could erase it from memory.

Halfway through practice, the coach whistled for a 15 minute break. You had gone out to buy a snack for yourself. “Y/N! Wait up!” You almost ran the moment you heard his voice. It was Jungkook. “What do you want?”

Jungkook just grinned at you, “A snack.”

The two of you walked to the vending machine to grab yourselves a light snack. “You know you’re his rebound right?”

“That may not be 100% true—“

“Y/N.” He called your name in a firmer tone, his friendly demeanour gone. Jungkook wrapped his hands gently around your wrist. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“Taehyung’s my best friend, Kook. He’s not going to hurt me.” You replied defensively, getting worked up by the thought of being a rebound. Jungkook sighed, “I know he’s your best friend—“

“And that’s enough for me to know he won’t hurt me. Can we drop it, please?”

Jungkook stayed silent, nodding his head. The walk back to the indoor sports hall was anything but comfortable. “Anyway, good luck for your upcoming game.”

“T-Thanks.” Jungkook pressed his lips into a small smile, opening the door for you.

_____

It was no surprise that the team won, you cheered from the stand as you proudly watched the team huddle together to celebrate. You caught Taehyung look back at the crowd, flashing you his boxy smile. In that moment, you felt that everything was right and finally coming together.

That night, it was their celebratory party. You should’ve learned your lesson about not liking parties. But you were there to support your date. “Thanks for coming Y/N.” Taehyung brought you out to the backyard, sitting by the pool. The guests were only starting to arrive so it was mostly the team at the house. The backyard was just for you and Taehyung to use.

“It’s not a big deal. I’m proud of you.” You smiled at him, patting his thighs encouragingly. Taehyung chuckled, “I’m also thankful you agreed to try things out between us. I hope you have no regrets.”

You looked up at him, shaking your head. “A-Actually, I always kinda liked you. For a long time, in fact.”

Taehyung frowned, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“No there’s nothing to be sorry about Tae. I didn’t tell you either.”

Silence ensued as you two continued to look into each other’s eyes. The cheering from indoors suddenly went silent and all you heard was the sound of water as you both swayed your feet in the pool. You watched Taehyung slowly lean in and you did the same, closing the gap to kiss your best friend. You dreamt of this moment so long and it had finally happened.

When you two pulled away, Taehyung had a cheeky smile on his face. “Can’t believe I just kissed my best friend.” “Shut up.” You shoved him, getting up from the ground. The two of you headed back inside, Taehyung sneakily intertwining is hands with yours.

The other college students started to arrive and it didn’t take long for the party to begin. You went to the kitchen to get food since you were starving. You talked to the other volleyball players who have grown to be acquainted with by the kitchen counter, near the food station. Taehyung went to the living room to mingle with the guests.

“By the way, have you seen Jungkook?” You asked Namjoon. “Oh, he’s playing beer pong outside.”

Once you finished your plate you excused yourself and headed out to find Jungkook. “Hey!” You shouted over the music. Jungkook glanced at you before easily shooting into the last cup successfully. “You guys go ahead.” He told the group and left with you. “Thought you said you’re not a party person.”

“Yea but Taehyung’s here. I’m just here to support.”

Jungkook nodded his head, stuffing his hands in his pocket. “Where is he anyway?”

“Probably drinking too much with the others.” You chuckled, glancing inside. Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows, “You know she was invited right? His ex?” You tried your best to shrug it off, “Oh really? Didn’t know that.”

He shook his head in response, stopping in his tracks. “You should stop being in denial y/n.”

“I’m not. We just had a heart to heart talk awhile ago and things are going great between us.”

“I’m just saying that because I care about you.”

You sighed, nodding your head, “I know Jungkook. I know that.” You guys suddenly heard a group of buys singing their hearts out through the microphones from inside. With a chuckle, Jungkook suggested that you guys head in to watch Namjoon singing Titanic.

“No way, Yoongi is belting it out too.” You laughed, watching the two passionately sing their hearts out. You glanced around the living room, noticing that Taehyung wasn’t there.

“I’ll go get a drink, want any?”

“Whatever you get. Thanks y/n.” Jungkook thanked, busy taking out his phone to film his seniors singing Titanic. “This is blackmail material.” He chuckled to himself. You squeezed through the sea of people, making your way to the kitchen to grab a drink.

However, a part of you wished you stayed to watch the Titanic performance in the living room.

You stood there frozen, not even knowing what to say. Taehyung was leaning against the kitchen counter, dangerously close to his ex as they talked and laughed about whatever their conversation was. You watched as she trailed her hands down his chest, Taehyung not declining the gesture at all. “I missed this.” He admitted out loud. “Maybe we can have another chance?” She asked Taehyung as she seductively grabbed the collar of his shirt to pull herself closer.

You took a deep breath in and walked inside to make your presence known. “I think you guys should get another chance together.” You bitterly interjected their conversation. The two immediately pulled away from each other. “Y/N, w-we were just talking—“

You scoffed, taking an empty cup and filling it up with whatever hard liquor you first touched. “I know you were. I heard everything - how you missed it. It’s okay Tae, I get it.” You shook your head, more disappointed that you have been fooling yourself the entire time. “I’m the fool here anyway. Enjoy your night together.”

Raising the cup, you tilted your head to their direction. “Cheers, to you guys getting back together!” You turned on your heels and started to walk away.

“W-Wait y/n we should talk—“

“Oh yea,” You looked back at him, “That also means I’m done dating you.”

You didn’t wait for a reply as you walked out of the kitchen and passed the living room. “Hey! Where’s my drink?” Jungkook stopped you. You looked at him and back to your cup before downing the whole large cup of liquor.

“Woah, slow down Flash.” Jungkook reached out to take the cup from you. Though, it was already empty. “I can get my own cup. You didn’t have to down—“

“Yea, why don’t you go inside the kitchen and see the couple getting back together. I’m sure it’s a sweet sight.”

“W-What?” Jungkook’s head jerked to the direction of the kitchen, watching Taehyung walk out of the area in panic with his ex trailing behind after him. You heard the plastic cup crunch in his grasp, and you nodded your head. “You’re right, I’ve been fooling myself the whole time. I even snapped at you. I’m sorry.”

Jungkook’s attention shifted back to you as he watched your eyes water and your attempts to blink them away. “Let’s leave this place.”

“No, it’s your celebratory party, I’ll go—“

“We’ll go.” Jungkook took your hand in his, leading you out through the main door.

“Y/N!” Taehyung’s voice called out for you as you two left. You turned around to see Taehyung catching up to you. “What are you doing with Jungkook?” “I’m going home.”

“With Jungkook? Y/N, please, we need to talk—“

“I don’t think she wants to talk—“

“You’re not part of this conversation, Jungkook.” Taehyung glared at him. “And why don’t you keep your hands off of her!” Taehyung reached out for your hand but you stepped back, tears brimming in your eyes. “Please, just leave me alone.”

Taehyung glanced between the both of your before laughing. “You’re upset with me with what happened in the kitchen yet you are leaving the party with another man? I should be upset too—“

“Shut up Taehyung! You know I would never do that to you, we are at the same fucking party and you still have the audacity to flirt with your ex! Under the same fucking roof! All Jungkook did was comfort me after seeing such an amazing sight! So no, you have no right to be upset! So can you just leave me the fuck alone?!” You snapped, yelling at the top of your lungs at Taehyung to just leave you.

“Y/N, it can’t just end like this… We’re best friends—“

“We should’ve just kept it there. That’s my fault.” You aggressively wiped your tears away, looking back at Jungkook. “I want to leave.” He nodded his head, “I’ll drive you home.” The two of you walked away, leaving Taehyung to stare at your retreating figure as he started to realise what he had done and what it had cost him. In the car, you stared outside the entire ride, letting tears fall silently as you started scolding yourself internally. You had both eyes wide open the entire time yet you still allowed it to happen to you.

Jungkook being the gentleman he was, gave you the silence you needed throughout the ride back to your dorm. The two of you made your way up to your room, collapsing onto your bed the moment you entered. “We can talk about it tomorrow after you rest.” Jungkook handed you a glass of water.

“I’m free the whole day—“

“Can you stay the night?” You meekly asked, sniffling in between words. Jungkook’s heart ached at the sight of you crying, gripping the cup as you tried to calm yourself down.

Nodding his head, he sat beside you, carefully taking the glass from your hands and placing it on the bedside table. He wrapped his arms around your as he pulled you in for a hug as you started weeping, scolding yourself at the same time.

“I hate myself. I hate that I agreed with his plan. I hate—“

“Stop hating yourself y/n, people make mistakes. Now you just have to learn from it.” Jungkook comforted you, gently rubbing your back to calm you down. Exhausted from crying and also from being tipsy, you managed to fall asleep in his embrace.

So yea, request if you’d like a part 2 and if you want to be tagged! I’d love to hear from you guys if you liked it!

PT. 2