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linklethehistorian · 2 years ago

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Linkle, I must know, what are your thoughts on Mori as a character? His actions and motivations?? Id love to hear your opinion, btw that last chapter of cherish was great!! I loved it so much!!!

Ahhh hello there, anon, thank you so much! 🥺😭💕💖🥰 It’s such an honor to get a message like this from someone who is reading the fic. 💕🥺💖🥰💕🥺💖🥰 I’m so glad you liked Chapter 12; it definitely has one of my own personal favorite scenes, tbh (but I won’t take up your time talking about that right now lol). Having a fan base for Cherish is truly lovely; I’m so blessed by each and every one of you. 🥺💖

As for your question, I’m always happy to share!

Before I say anything at all on my opinion, though, I’m first going to make it clear that I am completely setting aside that one…particular matter that has been discussed to death by the fandom for the moment, because I fear far too many people tend to forget that it is entirely possible to make any remotely positive commentary on a fictional character without that actually somehow meaning you condone his alleged…preferences. For the people in the back that need to hear this out loud to be set at ease: I in absolutely no way do.

Now with that out of the way for a bit, let’s talk about the rest of Mori. I’ll throw it under the cut, though, both for length and for potential spoilers of multiple light novels (Dark Era, Fifteen, Storm Bringer, etc.) and obviously the manga up to his last appearance in current arc. Oh and obviously the typical Mori-related trigger subjects. Yeah.

Honestly, on a general note, these days I think Mori as a character is super cool; I’m not sure where precisely I’d rate him on the list of characters because I honestly like nearly every character in BSD and think they’re pretty awesomely written, but on a general scale of 1 to 10, he’s a very solid 8 or 9 for me.

My first introduction to him was…admittedly not at all the best possible representation of him.

When I first joined the fandom, I began my journey through the series by watching the anime adaption of Dark Era, at the behest of a dear friend who said I would be best off doing so before I watched the rest of the show (of which there were only two seasons at the time) and then reading the manga, in order to get the best and most meaningful experience; it is not something I remotely regret, and in honesty, I would probably wholeheartedly recommend any new people to do the same, if they intended to start with the anime. Regardless, though, this decision did have the impact of making me immediately strongly dislike Mori as a person from the very start, given what he did to the orphans, Oda, and Dazai by extension.

Really, I wouldn’t say that I came to see him in any particular shades of grey motivation-wise until I watched the episode titled Double Black, in which there was the first reference of what would have become of the Port Mafia and Yokohama as a whole had he not usurped the throne to the organization so many years ago.

After that, I began to look at him with a bit more understanding and curiosity, horrible and ruthless though his nature may still mostly have been. Fifteen (specifically the light novel, NOT the anime) — which it should be said, I think is the best existing canon representation of Mori in terms of giving us a good look at his thoughts and motivations — only amplified that outlook and interest for me, and I think it alone is largely to thank for why I enjoy him as a character as much as I do in current time.

Although he’s definitely not someone I’d feel particularly comfortable writing an entire story solely around — as I don’t believe I’m expert nor absurdly passionate enough to do so compared to some genuine Mori fans that I know are out there out there — I nevertheless really, really do enjoy writing him, especially in Cherish (which is only the second time I’ve written him, if I’m honest — at least, in anything I’d consider publishing, anyway).

There’s just so much potential in him plot and personality-wise; he is incredibly flexible of a person in terms of his thoughts, mannerisms, motivations, and actions, which makes it super fun to explore and play around with when telling a story. I’d say he easily has one of the most fun personalities among the BSD ensemble, purely because of utterly unpredictable it can be; on one hand, he has moments where (at least outwardly) is capable of being extremely friendly, outgoing, generous and unassuming, and yet on the other, he is very much always inwardly observant of all that is going on around him and capable of quickly switching to being cold, calculating, and openly cruel at the drop of a hat. But even then, usually, his cruelty doesn’t come in the form of physical violence; it’s often emotional manipulation, intimidation, taking your fears and weaknesses and using them against you to get him whatever he feels he needs in the present moment. Sometimes, it isn’t even outwardly visible that the switch of gears happened; he knows how to poison you in the sweetest and most unassuming yet effective way possible — whether that poison is literal or metaphorical. He’s definitely the kind of person who could sing you to sing to sleep every night and kiss your cheek every morning even as he’s secretly plotting your demise. lol

That being said, I think a lot of the fandom, in their hatred for him as a person, tends to mischaracterize him a lot, rather than looking at it objectively. I’ve seen a lot of fics and general fandom takes that portray him as a sadistic person who is cruel simply for the sake of being cruel and does terrible things to others purely for the enjoyment factor, but that is 100% not who Mori is; canonically, Mori does what he does mostly, if not entirely, out of what he feels is necessity as the leader of the organization. Now, I’m not saying there may not be parts of him that enjoy certain things he does — it’s certainly more than possible, and even highly probable — but his actions as godfather are driven by achieving what he feels is the optimal solution, not by personal pleasure and amusement; as a matter of fact, in Fifteen, he even made it clear when speaking to Chuuya that he fully acknowledges a lot of what he does is morally reprehensible — he just feels that it is his duty to commit these atrocities for the ‘greater good’ of the organization, and that the end therefore justifies the means.

The thing is, there is a character in BSD who is exactly the way this portion of the fandom characterizes Mori, and he was even a member of the Port Mafia, so if people really wanted to canonically explore this dynamic of a character who wholly gets off on tormenting people, causing suffering and probing others’ heads rather than doing it as just a business practice, they absolutely could still do it and be true to canon by writing about said other character; it’s just that it’s not a convenient truth that a lot of the fandom wants or likes to face — because that would mean acknowledging that it was everyone’s beloved Dazai and not the oh-so-despised Mori who used to think in such a sick and twisted way during his days in the criminal underworld.

Granted, some people do write both characters very well and very accurately, and I applaud them, but I do find it frustrating when the fandom reduces either Mori to this purely evil, sadistic villain who is bad just for the sake of being bad, because he is so much more interesting as he truly is in canon.

It’s this dichotomy where his dedication to the overall well-being of his people and company is admirable and even understandable, yet at the same time his individual actions when you look at them from a moral perspective are pretty much all morally reprehensible in some way, shape, or form — if not in every way. The same is true of his time in the army; as a general concept, his desire to protect Japan during the Great War was on the whole admirable and understandable, we know that he was well-meaning about it, but at the same time, no matter how desperate the situation was, what he did to Yosano and his entire army was absolutely disgusting and unacceptable — especially because it came so easily to him to do it and he made no apologies for it nor expressed any guilt over the suffering he caused later on.

Do I think Mori is, on the whole, a good person? Absolutely not. Do I think that he sometimes has the best of intentions in mind with his schemes? In the grander scheme of things, yes; it’s just that he mostly doesn’t care who or how many he has to hurt to achieve that so long as it’s slightly less than his net gain from doing it, which in turn cancels out things enough to prevent him from ever being labeled as being or acting as a “good person” at any moment.

I think the best, most objective description of him is to say that he’s pragmatic and ruthless.

…And then obviously there’s the part that everyone in the fandom discusses to death — about the main universe version of him being into little girls. Not a whole lot to say about that; it’s gross, it’s wrong, it’s unforgivable, it’s morally reprehensible, and it’s chilling and disturbing and it definitely completely disqualifies him from being labeled a good person even if he had been able to earn that title from something he did somewhere along the way.

That being said — and I know this is probably going to be controversial to a lot of the fandom, so let me say upfront that I’m not saying that that isn’t 100% a valid and understandable reading of who he is and the way he feels based on all the evidence throughout the series, nor am I trying to convince anyone otherwise — purely because it is fiction and therefore all made up to begin with, at least for my own personal comfort, I typically choose in my own personal readings to just look at him as someone with a particular weakness for little girls because he’s fatherly — although I make no effort to claim that to be the objective truth, nor does such interpretation affect or influence any of my writings in any way; it’s simply the way I prefer to engage with BSD on my own personal time — outside of my writings.

As a matter of fact, in my one fic, Bittersweet Belief, he was intentionally written with the intention of being portrayed as a groomer, and in Cherish, his ‘tastes’ will be portrayed no less nor more suspicious than how they are in canon, and therefore it will never be fully, directly addressed, but may be interpreted however you wish.

I do not need people coming to me providing evidence of why they believe there is no way to look at it differently, as again, I am not arguing that it is objectively untrue in any way that Mori is written to be a pedo in BSD, and when in public spaces among other people talking about it I don’t even try to say otherwise, much less convince anyone of it. I understand fandom etiquette and I am not trying to erase anything about him from others’ perceptions in order to make him more “likable”. I am just engaging with BSD, whenever I am personally reading it and watching it, in the way that is more comfortable for me. Nothing more, nothing less.

Anyway, yeah, Mori’s a super fun character to write and observe in the BSD world! I think there’s a lot of depth to him and he’s very well-written — probably among my top past antagonists purely for the super interesting personality and the purely pragmatic outlook to life and business.

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fawnforlali · 1 year ago

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Fairy Kings & Floods: A Study in Drowning by Ava Reid

Cute. Wasn't for me—not entirely.

Meet Effy Sayre: a meek architecture student with an obsessive love for one author. Six months after the author’s death, she wins a competition to redesign his historical home, which is crumbling into the ocean. But there are secrets in this decaying place.

While uncovering them, we also uncover the secrets of Effy’s traumatic past.

Now, let’s go through some of the negatives first.

Effy is the sort of protagonist that is unsure, passive, whose actions tend to be self-destructive. She is seen as nothing more than a “pretty face”—a temptress to every man she meets in the book. Given her past, I understand why she is this way, but that didn’t make me any less irked than I am now. I’m not criticizing other characters written this way, or people who do act like this in real life. I know that—and I absolutely saw myself in her character too (you can’t tell me she wouldn’t be practicing her Starbucks order since she got in line). I just wish that Ava Reid wrote Effy in a way that was less monotonous and one dimensional, especially after going through all that trouble into making her a real person.

Mysteries are supposed to conduct the reader, give them enough information about the problem to catalogue and sort through as they read and trick them into thinking they solved it. That is, until the story drops the final piece and you’re left dumfounded. This book really didn’t have that classic mystery quality to it since I was able to pick just about everything up long before they concluded anything.

This one was such a bother. I noticed the pervasive use of similes only a chapter or two in this book, and once I did, it became so distracting.

And the positives...?

As a teenage girl often too deep in her own fantasies, the romance in this book kept me fed. Especially the end of chapter eleven (p.234) for those of you who have already read it. Had me giggling like a lunatic.

This book deals with the extreme misogyny that is the reality for women in this world, and I can see why reading it can be therapeutic for many of the girls out there. Ava Reid chose an important message to convey through her writing but unfortunately, I just wasn’t feeling it. I could go on about how a good part of the book was a shallow dissection of profoundly serious themes, but I don’t want my negativity to seep through onto what is supposed to be the ‘pro’s’ section of this book review.

Angharad, oh, Angharad. Let’s take a step back into Effy’s character and how she’s obsessed with this dead author—Angharad being the title of the book she holds more love for in her heart than for herself. I totally understand why that is. I loved the little snippets of Angharad we got at the beginning of most chapters and—quite honestly—I wish Ava Reid could publish it for reals. All I got were the tiniest of passages and paragraphs and I’m already infatuated with a book that doesn’t even exist.

One thing you must know about me as a reader, I fall in love with every book I read to some extent. I become a point-blank fanatic if the book is really that amazing, which is why I have to wait for my excitement to die down before I ever give a book a rating. First impression and second impression, as I call it. For my first impression, I gave this book a 4.5 (out of 5 stars), which is quite good. Though after truly giving it some thought, I diminished it down to a 3.25.

I believe it had everything a book should have, but it never quite exceeded the lines of bare minimum. A Study in Drowning was a palate cleanser to me—nothing ground-breaking, but left turning page after page anyway. Maybe I had just been expecting too much from this book, but overall, I found the story bloated with superfluous trends and tropes that detracted from what could’ve made it a very rich, needed story.

If you were planning on reading A Study in Drowning, please don’t let this discourage you in any way. I’m just some kid on the internet with no judging credentials whatsoever, so please don’t get too mad either.

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pencilgutz · 1 year ago

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Roach is one of the most beloved and sadly one of the most forgotten Cod main playable characters. I honestly quite love the original writing in Modern Warfare 2 2009. I personally think that it was probably when they were at their Peak with story writing characters twists, they were able to evoke serious emotion from people (myself included) and with how well they developed the characters and got people attached it was all seemed like a smack in the face to watch them die and play as they die. It's really a beautiful storyline and it's honestly I absolutely love Call of Duty as a just I love Call of Duty as a whole. And I really want to get the other Modern Warfare and play through all of those games in the correct order (because apparently the numbers aren't correct order which is really f weird anyways)

but another Call of Duty game that I really wanted to play for a while is COD ghosts. COD ghosts was actually a fan game that became official I believe I could be wrong about that. As much as I jokingly simp for the characters I really love the story lines and just the heart-wrenching emotions the game can evoke from you. That's why I'm really sad with like the new Modern Warfare 3 2023. It seemed more like all that they were doing was just trying to push it out before the year ended and so the campaign was really buggy not really that good and the storyline was really just not well written and I find that really sad because Call of Duty as a whole has always had amazing campaigns and it's really sad that companies slowly go downhill and the fandoms the just the people who love the story lines just have to watch the games Crash and Burn it's really really sad and as much as I love the OG stuff some of the fan content is 100 times better than the actual content itself. But then again that's with a lot of media not Just Call of duty. But circling back around I absolutely just love campaigns in games.

And that's probably why I don't play games like fortnite because it doesn't really have a story in my opinion I play games more of for the story rather than to win that's why for example whenever me and someone are playing warzone I absolutely suck any other person gets so angry for no reason as funny as it is to watch I just don't really play games to win I play more of for the story for the endings sometimes for the graphics itself sometimes for just the cute ass art style but I absolutely just love campaigns and I can't express this enough. I guess that's why I'm so drawn to fan content like fanfiction fan art Aus, OCS and art and just animation itself Indie content, I have such a love for Creative Works than aren't just in it for the money sure sometimes they blow up sometimes they make way more than what they originally intended but there's so many beautiful projects out there that don't get enough attention. There's so many games that are just like for example take Dialtown so many people don't play it for it's apparently quote on quote weird premise the beginning. Like I understand like the laying eggs part is kind of weird but once you get past that and you like actually pay attention to the story like if you actually play through for example Randy's route you watch him go from being this sad depressed dude who's living in a dumpster to a human being who learns to care for himself learns to love himself despite him being told he's pathetic and not good enough. And if you play through the third chapter of dial town it's truly a amazing thing it's about government corruption it's about friendship it's about opening up to people to get the help you need it's it's a truly beautiful game and I I want more people to know about it but because of its weird premise people don't click on it. But the third chapter itself goes through and looks back at the roots you've done once you've done Karen's room you teach her to accept herself and to follow her own dreams,

#long post #Acid rambling #Fun fact this is all from a discord convo I sent to my poor friends #They were...scared to say the least

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melrosing · 3 years ago

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Do you think the "we don't choose who we love" theme is present in the books too and something Jaime believes in? (re Cersei)

Well firstly I dislike that line, because whilst it's true you can love someone against all better sense and never truly stop loving them.... the implication of the line in the show was that your loyalty to that person is therefore a given - you can never choose otherwise. Probably don't need to break down why I find that a damaging concept but hey GOT's a damaging show

Also Jaime equating his love for Cersei to Renly's entire sexuality (as implied by the context of the line) is like.... ludicrous lmao. Possibly something ludicrous enough for pre-ASOS Jaime to believe, but then the show really treats it as a wholeass thesis statement for the character and uses the final notes of his 'arc' to validate it.... god. anyway

So besides the fact that the line isn't in the books, I don't think it would hold any resonance there, either. Loving Cersei is a choice Jaime has made. As his twin sister I do truly believe that he would always love her in some shape or form, but the level of devotion we see in AGOT is absolutely a choice Jaime has made several times pre-ASOS, and then ceases to make post-ASOS.

This isn't necessarily to criticise the character for making those choices or to say he's 'got himself to blame', not least because how informed he is in those decisions can really vary: for example, pre-ASOIAF, he chooses Cersei over Casterly Rock - there's a considerable level of manipulation involved here and he's only a teenager. But GRRM is stressing here that the relationships we see in AGOT wasn't a foregone conclusion that just happened. Meanwhile, in AGOT, we know Jaime repeatedly chooses Cersei over like... the greater good lol, and this is a substantially more informed decision that he makes several times over. Still less informed in the sense that Jaime doesn't fully understand how unbalanced that devotion is, but with what info he has, and what mindset he's in, these are the decisions he makes. In short, the reasons he makes these choices are hugely complex, but they are there - the relationship isn't innate.

Which is why Jaime's feelings and decisions around the relationship can and do change. In ASOS onwards, Jaime stops choosing Cersei when he A) abandons his return to Cersei to go risk his life rescuing Brienne, B) refuses Cersei in the White Sword Tower, C) hides things from Cersei inc. Operation Rescue Sansa & Operation Rescue Tyrion, D) burns her letter in AFFC and E) abandons House Lannister and Cersei's orders to join Brienne (plus probably more I'm forgetting lol). The complete lack of agency Jaime has in his relationship with Cersei in the show just isn't present in the books.

For show Jaime, everything has to come down to Cers, because it treats their relationship like an affliction present in everything he says and does, that he has no choice in and cannot grow beyond. In the books, it's explored as an actual relationship that can be strengthened or weakened and healed or broken by the way each behaves and grows and the things happening around them, and how these rises and falls influence the choices each makes in how they carry their relationship forward. It's a relationship that Jaime chooses to abandon in AFFC/ADWD, and that Cersei, in her own way, has abandoned a hundred times over.

Like there's something involuntary about everyone's attraction to anyone, you can't force every aspect of it - but it's not simply a given that this is your person and nothing they say or do could ever come between you because that's just how it is. People can and do end up believing such things and many can suffer horribly for it, but it's not for any narrative to try and validate that kind of belief - and I don't think ASOIAF does. That's definitely GOT's thing, not GRRM's.

#ask #asoiaf #jaime lannister #cersei lannister #anti got

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tamelee · 2 years ago

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Hii

How are you doing? 🥰 Hope you are doing well 💕

Thank you for answering my pervious question💓✨

Today I was reading some pRo Ss shippers and anti ss shippers agreements. When anti ss shipper said sasuke tried to kill sakura 3 times, the pro shipper answered :" he tried to kill everyone! Not only sakura " (u know they defeat their ship like this) and I don't know but if someone (ss shippers) tell you something like that: he wants to kill everyone, he is not in his right mind, sakura was the last person he doesn't want to hurt her, killing sakura was dramatic for sasuke and ect...) ) what will you say to them? I really want to know. I will appreciate it if you share your thoughts about this with me 🥰💕✨

BTW have a good day and night 💫💛

Hi @Nancy-8140 ! 💕 I am- hope you're well too! Sorry this took a while ( 〃．．)

Anyway, how tiring must it be for such people to have to come up with such excuses? Why do they need other people to believe in them too? Nothing in the story proves whatever contradictions they're preaching. And yet.

I would say nothing to them tbh because it is impossible to get through their thick skulls. Arguing is futile. They're thinking in delusional ways to protect a SS-Headcanon or Sakura in particular.

It seems they love to "forget" why this conflict even happened in the first place. The most infuriating thing about it is that a large portion truly hates Sasuke. One of the biggest excuses is always "well his character is just complex" which is true, but not an excuse for them to use as a Joker-card. Someone doesn't understand their SS-Headcanon? Well Sasuke's just complex they say and you don't understand it apparently. They say they're a fan but if they need to downplay his character for the sake of Sakura? No hesitation.

And SS is for the sake of Sakura. You can't tell me otherwise.

Yes, Sasuke almost killed Sakura during the Kage Arc if it weren't for Kakashi saving her ass. And then Naruto. But, this was a response to her coming to backstab him. Both figuratively as a supposed teammate/comrade, and literally with a poisoned kunai. Which may be one of the dumbest moves from someone who is objectively one of the smarter characters. Something Sasuke himself complimented her on when they were kids. Do you think this was accidental on Kishimoto's part? Of course not. Was Sasuke not allowed to defend himself? Why is this always left out of the conversation though? Sasuke easily sees right through her. Was he supposed to stand there, arms open wide and say "okay, I know you're lying to me, make everything about yourself again but come and kill me as you please"? She didn't even care to listen or understand the guy she supposedly loves so much. She can't have him? She can't understand his motives? It hurts her to see his actions unfold and it has nothing to do with her? Fine then die I guess. Because "bearing the burden" of killing him.. as she took upon herself which no one told her to btw, is still self-inserting herself onto him in a last-ditch effort. And superficial as hell. Naruto fought tooth and nail to understand Sasuke unlike her. Never mind all her teachers and friends she manipulated and put in danger while doing so. Why else would she also put herself in danger AGAIN for the second time when Kakashi pleaded.. well, ordered her not to. When he told her to stay back? When she absolutely knew she stood no chance? How many times do they have to tell her she's irrelevant to him?

Because why was she so desperate? Why are their fans?

Sasuke never cared to kill Sakura before that and didn't care for her life after. That much was clear as we saw during the War Arc. He thanked her for loving him which is seen as a rejection for mutual love btw and left her on a bench. Because yes, that's human decency. It's true that Sasuke saw her as a comrade when they were Genin but that's it.

Sasuke needed to kill Naruto. Not Sakura. And the only reason he needed to do so was so he could be alone and away from that love. This is stated time and time again. Meaning: no one else. Even characters like Orochimaru and Kabuto who are great observers realized this early on. Important here being that Kishimoto chose to show this to us readers.

But despite the killing part and negativity. Sasuke sacrificed his life for Naruto and his dreams as if it was natural. Sasuke didn't hesitate to stand up against Sakura for Naruto. He smirks and is playful with him yet cries after the confession in the end. He freely shows emotion around Naruto. "It's okay to cry when you're happy."

So what the hell are those shippers talking about? "..it was dramatic for Sasuke" they're pulling those statements out of their asses tbh.

I'll show the link since it's on your own blog.

You know, sometimes I do read a contrasting essay here and there but this is laughable. 🎤: What you have there is the ultimate example.. I mean good job of finding one btw. I hadn't seen one this creative in a while.

They're saying Sasuke only left Konoha for 5 years instead of 12ish?

Not that it is any better for their ship btw. He did meet up with Naruto, so much so that mr. Hokage apparently forgot that Sarada was in the picture..

But anyway where is the proof? Lol. Meanwhile Kishimoto clearly states the facts and in Gaiden it says that Sarada has never seen Sasuke. That's the entire plot. These people are so funny. Hey, to be fair, I respect the hustle. Not the tone though, jfc. And I'm sorry but I skimmed quickly through the rest because that is purely headache inducing and not worth reading. Typical.

Long-winded excuses, downplaying Naruto and Sasuke's characters and their bond, "it's not bad because (x) is worse!", "you wouldn't understand my ship because you're dumb and not because I don't show any evidence", "you don't get the characters even though it's my headcanon", etc etc-

Yeah I wouldn't bother if I were you.

Hope you have a nice day ✨

#asktamelee #Nancy-8140 #anti ss #I guess

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madara-fate · 3 years ago

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If you think Sakura’s love was a source of strength then how do you explain how it never amounted to a hype moment where all we see is empowerment? She shields Sasuke from Gaara, then what? Cool moment, it even made Naruto recall LOW events, but it’s followed up by her held hostage, savior Naruto saving the day, Sasuke taking the L, telling her Naruto saved her… bc she believed it had to have been Sasuke, but it wasn’t. Perfectly anchored into that trope.

She never got to actually save Sasuke as all her attempts were tanked in order to make Naruto do it. Which is 1 thing, but she didn’t even get /slightly/ successful or lay the groundwork for naruto. between 181 & 693 she’s confined to the same disposition towards Sasuke, implore him, get knocked out, have Naruto do more. Like there’s been absolutely 0 growth in between. Even Naruto who took the VOTE1 L, still actually displayed a peak at that point, Sakura didn’t. He made their parting a classic drama break up rather than a ninja showdown. What’s worse is that after failing to muster up the courage to kill Sasuke post summit, she actually verbalizes the powerlessness. She compares herself to Naruto who’s determined with a rock solid resolve, while she can’t do or even say anything & wavers. She ends it at “all i can do is trust them” how’s that empowerment? It’s the opposite of that, it’s a set back, accepting belonging to a lesser league. Her will to save Sasuke bc of her love, amounts to trusting the great Naruto to do it for her. Exactly my point lol. Previously she tells Naruto she’ll join him, he should wait for her, but it doesn’t amount to anything. forest of death was made about Sasuke, Naruto AND Lee. When she speaks of being behind, she means behind both Naruto & Sasuke, it was that disposition that motivated her not her feelings for Sasuke alone. We see very early on how she can’t introduce herself or voice her dream bc of her feelings for Sasuke, Kakashi says girls that age care more about love than ninjutsu. In the bell test she’s more worried about Sasuke than the test itself, it’s her demise, and ofc the cherry on top before sasuke explains to her that he has someone to kill, she tries to get him to give up as they’d get separated due to the power gap. Now of course the MC needed his wins but it’s hard to comprehend why NS couldn’t work together at any point without having Sakura immediately axed from the clash like the first time they met Sasuke post TS. Tsunade & Jiraya got to square up against Orochimaru… anyways that’s what i mean and i find it so weird people don’t see it when it’s beyond obvious. all of Sakura’s peaks are actually distant from all that. I don’t view her love as an addiction bc it was a simple school crush that blossomed into true love once they met each other, but my perception as a fan doesn’t negate the creator’s perception, and since he doesn’t understand girls (barely respects the gender if you ask me) can’t write romance it’s not that crazy to think that’s how he views it. Most of his prominent female characters have an exaggerated romantic aspect to their personas and character arcs while for male characters it’s simply an afterthought, exception being Obito although the Rub stuff felt more like a tired plot device than real romantic development, and to think that he made half of the romantic aspect for Sakura’s character be associated with negativity because it clashed with the MC amongst other things, truly speaks volumes.

If you think Sakura’s love was a source of strength then how do you explain how it never amounted to a hype moment where all we see is empowerment?

The mere fact that you actually believe that the only way to prove that Sakura's love for Sasuke served as a source of strength is for her to have had "a hype moment", really says all I need to know about how you see love and its worth, goodness gracious man...

She shields Sasuke from Gaara, then what? Cool moment, it even made Naruto recall LOW events, but it’s followed up by her held hostage, savior Naruto saving the day, Sasuke taking the L, telling her Naruto saved her… bc she believed it had to have been Sasuke, but it wasn’t. Perfectly anchored into that trope.

And you honestly don't see the toxicity behind this perspective? You honestly believe that just because Sakura got taken hostage and that Naruto was ultimately the one to defeat Gaara, that somehow means that the significance of Sakura's actions towards Sasuke was non existent? That's kinda crazy.

Let's look at another example - Hinata. She put her life on the line to save Naruto's life from Pain, because she loved him. It doesn't matter that she ultimately didn't defeat Pain, because that wasn't the point. The point was how her love motivated her to stare death in the face and confront it head on, and that was the hype moment.

Similarly, the mere fact that Sakura opted to sacrifice her life to protect Sasuke (which worked by the way, Gaara was going for the kill there, and Sakura saved him from death), was enough to illustrate how her love for Sasuke served as a source of strength. Previously when confronted by Orochimaru in the Forest of Death, she was absolutely petrified in fear at the murderous intent before her:

But when facing Gaara, she stared death directly in the face, and never hesitated in the slightest:

Why? Because she was trying to save Sasuke's life, and it worked. Her love for Sasuke was far more powerful than any fear she may have had, and it served as her strength to stand her ground. So I don't know why you're trying to tell me how Sakura's love never served as a source of strength, despite this and several other examples directly proving you wrong. Just because Sakura then got taken hostage and Sasuke wasn't the one to bring Gaara down, that doesn't take anything away from the significance of that scene.

She never got to actually save Sasuke as all her attempts were tanked in order to make Naruto do it.

Wrong. As I've already highlighted above, Sakura successfully saved Sasuke from Gaara. She also saved him from losing himself to the Curse Seal during the Forest of Death, and she saved him again when he was trapped in the other dimension. Not to mention when she saved both him and Naruto from bleeding out at the end of their 2nd fight. So your definition of "saving", is severely skewed.

Between 181 & 693 she’s confined to the same disposition towards Sasuke, implore him, get knocked out, have Naruto do more. Like there’s been absolutely 0 growth in between.

Are you serious? Are you actually serious? Let me jog your memory.

When Sasuke was leaving the village, she confessed, and tried to stop him with words.

During their reunion at Orochimaru's hideout, she tried to attack him, her attack was interrupted, but the intent was there.

During their reunion in the Land of Iron, she initially tried to trick him, and after that didn't work, she tried to kill him, and had the opportunity to, but couldn't do it because she still loved him and knew he could still be saved. There, Sakura's love for Sasuke stopped her from making a big mistake, because she was ultimately right - Sasuke could still be saved, and he was.

Then during her second confession, she tried using words again, because what else was she going to do?

It's like you and many other people think that just because Sakura didn't foolishly try to fight Sasuke in that instance, it means that she was a stupid fangirl who lost all her development and regressed. What good would attacking him have done? She was clearly no match for him, and it's not like she hadn't tried to in the past, which you failed to acknowledge. So tell me, where was all the "imploring" and "getting knocked out" between chapters 181 and 693?

Even Naruto who took the VOTE1 L, still actually displayed a peak at that point, Sakura didn’t. He made their parting a classic drama break up rather than a ninja showdown.

And what on earth does that prove?

What’s worse is that after failing to muster up the courage to kill Sasuke post summit, she actually verbalizes the powerlessness. She compares herself to Naruto who’s determined with a rock solid resolve, while she can’t do or even say anything & wavers. She ends it at “all i can do is trust them” how’s that empowerment? It’s the opposite of that, it’s a set back, accepting belonging to a lesser league.

"Accepting belonging to a lesser league"? Where did you even get that from? How does one's decision to let other people resolve their issues, in any way amount to classifying yourself as a lesser being? I mean seriously, what are you talking about? Sakura's love for Sasuke and the effect it has on her isn't being called into question here. It's the fact that she can't exchange fists with Sasuke in the same way that Naruto can. It's the fact that she had resolved to kill Sasuke, and that's what she wavered from, which is not a bad thing.

You're asking "how's that empowerment", when no one said that it was supposed to show empowerment. Not every scene that Sasuke and Sakura are in has to showcase some huge hype scene about the power of love, but you're acting as if this somehow means that her love for Sasuke has never been showcased as such, when I've already proven that to be wrong multiple times already.

Her will to save Sasuke bc of her love, amounts to trusting the great Naruto to do it for her. Exactly my point lol.

Yet another example of not only your severely warped idea of what "saving" means, but also on your problematic perspective regarding how apparently, "empowerment" only matters if you have "a hype moment" and defeat the big bad of the arc. It apparently can't be depicted in any other manner.

Her will to save Sasuke because of her love, amounted to her putting her life on the line to protect him from Gaara (which was "a hype moment" if I've ever seen one). It amounted to her resolving to get stronger so she could help bring him back. It amounted to her never truly giving up on the idea that he could be saved, despite how consumed in darkness he was. It amounted to her pushing herself beyond her limits to the point of almost passing out, in order to save him from the other dimension. But of course, all of that is meaningless to you right?

Previously she tells Naruto she’ll join him, he should wait for her, but it doesn’t amount to anything.

How does it not amount to anything? She kept her word, she got stronger, and went with him. Just because they didn't bring Sasuke back in that instance, doesn't mean the journey was pointless.

forest of death was made about Sasuke, Naruto AND Lee. When she speaks of being behind, she means behind both Naruto & Sasuke, it was that disposition that motivated her not her feelings for Sasuke alone.

No one said otherwise, so why are you even mentioning all of this in the first place?

We see very early on how she can’t introduce herself or voice her dream bc of her feelings for Sasuke, Kakashi says girls that age care more about love than ninjutsu. In the bell test she’s more worried about Sasuke than the test itself, it’s her demise, and ofc the cherry on top before sasuke explains to her that he has someone to kill, she tries to get him to give up as they’d get separated due to the power gap. Now of course the MC needed his wins but it’s hard to comprehend why NS couldn’t work together at any point without having Sakura immediately axed from the clash like the first time they met Sasuke post TS. Tsunade & Jiraya got to square up against Orochimaru… anyways that’s what i mean and i find it so weird people don’t see it when it’s beyond obvious. all of Sakura’s peaks are actually distant from all that. I don’t view her love as an addiction bc it was a simple school crush that blossomed into true love once they met each other, but my perception as a fan doesn’t negate the creator’s perception, and since he doesn’t understand girls (barely respects the gender if you ask me) can’t write romance it’s not that crazy to think that’s how he views it.

I don't even know what the point of all of that was. You weren't reinforcing any of your points, nor did you attempt to refute any of mine. It just seems like a weird tangent.

Most of his prominent female characters have an exaggerated romantic aspect to their personas and character arcs while for male characters it’s simply an afterthought, exception being Obito although the Rub stuff felt more like a tired plot device than real romantic development

Not true, but again, this is completely off topic and I'm not gonna get into that discussion here.

and to think that he made half of the romantic aspect for Sakura’s character be associated with negativity because it clashed with the MC amongst other things, truly speaks volumes.

You're justifying the claim that Sakura's love was associated with negativity because it apparently clashed with the MC? How did Sakura's love for Sasuke clash with Naruto? It never created any friction between them, they resolved to save Sasuke together, and Naruto was one of the biggest supporters of Sakura's love for Sasuke, so where was this supposed clash? And why would it even automatically be a seen as a negative thing if it did clash with the MC? Just because Naruto also liked her at one point, doesn't mean her feelings for Sasuke were automatically bad, goodness.

#Sasuke Uchiha #Sakura Haruno #sasusaku #Naruto Uzumaki

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ootahime · 4 years ago

Text

what is utahime’s role in the future? — a prediction (manga spoilers)

part 1 (unedited)

I WAS ABOUT TO POST IT BUT I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT AND I WAS SO HURT FR!!!!! I HAD REWRITE THIS ENTIRE THING </33

part 2 is here!

in this post, i will be analyzing the information we’ve been given about utahime so far to form a prediction about her future role in the jujutsu kaisen series. if you’re as interested in utahime’s character as i am, please feel free to keep reading :3 (i’ll also be talking about her relationship with gojo a bit too)

soukatsu_ on twt!

kaikaikitan on twt!

utahime iori is a semi-grade 1 sorcerer working as a student supervisor/teacher at kyoto jujutsu high school. she loves drinking beer and going to karaoke. she’s also close friends with shoko and she’s not particularly fond of gojo most of the time. what else do we know about her?

hates sweets (funny she’s the complete opposite of gojo)

she’s great at singing and it’s a huge part of her technique

squabbling with gojo became a reflex :3

everyone absolutely adores utahime

loves watching soccer and baseball

a terrible drunk (worse than naobito zenin)

gojo is her main source of stress

let’s dive into her personality and abilities!

chapter 65

before i get into it, i think it’d be best if i were to explain the timeline because a lot of people seem to be confused about this one particular thing. utahime is born on february 18th, 1987. contrary to popular belief, she is not 3 years older than gojo. it is november 2018 in the story because gojo was sealed on halloween. if gojo was born on december 7th, 1989, that would mean that right now, he is only 28 years old. he has yet to turn 29.

the year is 2007. gojo satoru is a second year at tokyo jujutsu high school. the japanese school year begins in april which suggests that gojo is only 17 at the time (even if it’s not april, it doesn’t look like winter yet so it’s unlikely that he’s already 18). utahime is 20 because it is past february. she is a 2nd grade sorcerer at the age of 20. that’s not bad at all!

chapter 65 introduces young utahime and mei on a mission together within a cursed site. in real time, they’ve been gone for two days which is a cause of concern for gojo, shoko, and geto because the two haven’t contacted anyone since the beginning of their mission. the two begin to suspect something is wrong because the hallway markers they’ve set in place disappeared, and no matter how far they travel within the halls, the end is nowhere in sight. mei theorizes that the cursed spirit is overlapping the space as they travel forward. utahime agrees with this speculation and proposes a plan to escape the cursed spirit’s grasp by moving erratically. notice how she says that if one of them should escape, they can try to attack from the outside or call for help. if utahime was not capable of inflicting damage on anything then she would have told mei to escape and attack if she can while she waited to be rescued. however, she didn’t. she included herself in the sentence which leads me to believe that she is capable of going on the offense if needed.

keep in mind that at this point in time, mei is a grade 1 sorcerer. she is knowledgeable about all things involving jujutsu because she is experienced and skillful. we can see this aspect of her character illustrated when she theorizes that the cursed spirit is messing with the space they’re in. she chooses to go with utahime’s plan because she agrees that it’s the best action moving forward. this verifies that utahime is an intelligent girl that’s able to get along with pretty much anyone.

her intellect is demonstrated once again in chapter 79. she was able to deduce the possibility of there being more than one traitor and the fact that one is probably a higher up. she also narrowed down the mechamaru as the mole of kyoto not because he was acting suspicious but by process of elimination. she thought thoroughly of his technique and how easy it would be for him to manipulate devices small enough to be undetectable.

sure you can argue that she should already know all her students’ abilities and whatnot but you have to admit that it’s hard trying to sniff out the traitor when no one is acting suspicious. in addition to that, how did she know that there was a traitor in the top brass? i would have never guessed that tbh LOL (maybe bc im an idiot).

okay, now that we have established that she’s intelligent, let’s answer a more important question. is utahime weak?

chapter 33

if gojo calls utahime weak, does that mean there is some truth to it? well it is true that she is weaker than him because he’s the strongest and all. in my opinion, he’s just teasing her. he probably found that calling her weak is what really riles her up. maybe i’ll talk about why he loves teasing her so much in a later post. but anyway, gojo calls everybody and their mom weak. he even said jogo was weak and we know how powerful that guy is. gojo’s words alone do not indicate much about utahime’s power. in fact, i don’t even think he has seen her use her technique yet. he’s probably only ever heard of how it works. this is what i think their conversation about her technique was like:

gojo: hm? ur cursed technique is singing? can u show me?

utahime: what! no way!

gojo: why not?

*one of the classmates tells him that she can only use her CT once in a while because it consumes a lot of energy*

gojo: hahaha! u have to conserve cursed energy to use ur CT? why are u so weak, utahime?

utahime: i! am! your! senpai! respect! me!

what i’m trying to say is that gojo loves poking fun of people. we should not believe him when he calls someone weak because compared to him, everyone is weak.

this is a little off topic but let’s examine him telling her, “and you don’t have the nerves, utahime.” i think he’s trying to say that there’s no way she’ll ever do something like that because she’s not the type to put her students in danger. remember the soft expression and relieved smile on her lips when she said that she was glad the students were safe after the kyoto incident? gojo was directly in front of her so not only did he hear her say that, but he could have seen the look on her face too. even if he told her that she didn’t have the guts to betray the school to get on her nerves, he knew that utahime simply cared too much about the students so he ruled her out as a suspect right away. this is why he ultimately decided to confide in her and ask her to help him.

i’m a person who loves over-analyzing things. i really enjoy the dynamic between gojo and utahime. they’ve known each other for more than 11 years and although they always bicker, there is an unspoken feeling of trust between the two. gojo can do anything and everything by himself because he is truly the strongest person alive, but he still knows when to rely on others. him deciding to entrust utahime with such a job implies that he believes in utahime’s abilities.

chapter 52

she’s not using any cursed energy here--not to our knowledge at least. this is just pure skill. she was able to swiftly evade the swing from haruta. he was surprised himself considering the fact that he was right behind her. how do we know her CT isn’t speed? after haruta swung at her, we can see that some of her hair got cut off. if she was using her CT then speed should be her specialty. she should have been able to completely avoid the attack altogether but she didn’t. of course this isn’t a wow moment because jujutsu sorcerers should know how to dodge attacks, however, i’m just trying to get the point across that she’s not a defenseless person without her technique or others. let’s not forget that semi-grade 1 isn’t a weak rank either. you can’t simply be recommended to be a grade 1 sorcerer if you only can support others.

chapter 48

i want to bring up this panel. it suggests that utahime and takuma are sorcerers who have not experienced black flash and therefore, do not understand the essence of cursed energy as well as those who have like gojo and nanami. i find it strange how takuma and utahime were used to represent sorcerers who haven’t experienced it yet. is the purpose to demonstrate that there is a clear difference in skill between adult sorcerers like utahime and takuma compared to gojo and nanami? i could be nitpicking but the order of todo’s statement doesn’t line up with the sorcerers being shown. let me explain in depth. todo starts off by saying, “for those who have experienced black flash as compared to those who have not...” wouldn’t it make more sense to show gojo and nanami on the right side to represent sorcerers who have experienced black flash? that was mentioned first, after all. gojo and nanami should appear when todo says “for those who have experience black flash” while utahime and takuma should be shown right after to personify the second part, “as compared to those who have not.” i’m just making it more complicated than it actually is LOLOL i’m sure it really just means they haven’t experienced black flash yet, which is completely fine. i also find it fascinating how they used utahime to contrast gojo. with nanami and takuma it makes sense. nanami is someone takuma looks up to, he wants to gain nanami’s approval before he deems himself worthy of a promotion. what about utahime and gojo? what’s the purpose of comparing those two together when it’s obvious that gojo knows more about the essence of cursed energy more than anyone else? i might be delusional whoops

----

let me know what you guys think? this is only a part 1 so i haven’t gotten around to answering the question. i’m pretty much done with the second part, i just need to revise it a little. i think after i post part 2, i’ll try to interpret all the gojo and utahime moments in the manga >.<

#gojohime #gouta #gojo x utahime

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bobohu4eva · 4 years ago

Text

Sweet Tooth (Part 6)

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Royalty AU, fluff, angst, eventual smut, mutual pining

Summary: Life as the palace baker got a lot more interesting after catching the devastatingly cute prince sneaking around your kitchen.

WC: 5.8k

Tag List: @wooya1224 @dixnysustae @bbhile @geniusloey @blahblahblah-boo @leave-me-in-the-summertime @baekyeonoreo @cupreoussyzygy @nana-banana @deligxt

Masterlist

“Good morning!” You heard a familiar voice say and a smile lit up your face when you looked over to the bakery door to see who it was.

“Hi Baekhyun.” You replied. “You’re here early.”

Baekhyun usually showed up later in the morning or early in the afternoon but today he was there before the sun had even gone up.

“Yeah… I woke up a few hours ago and tried to go back to sleep but I couldn’t so I thought I’d come down here.”

He was smiling as he said it, but it still made you worry.

It had been about a week since he’d come running to your room, and luckily his parents hadn’t pushed the marriage any further but you could tell it was still stressing him out. The last few times he’d come to see you he’d seemed a bit distant and on edge and it was starting to get worrisome.

Of course you understood why he might still be anxious about the whole situation, and about seeing you. At this point you both knew it was a bad idea. It was never supposed to go on this long and you never should’ve gotten so close to one another but now it was too late. You both had to be careful not to raise any more suspicions that could bring someone to say something to someone important.

“You know if it isn’t worth the stress, you don’t have to keep coming here.”

Of course you didn’t expect him to actually stop showing up, but you did want him to know that it was okay if it really was getting too risky.

He frowned, and you immediately regretted your words when you saw how hurt he looked.

“You really think I’d do that? Do you even know what you’re saying?” He ran his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. “I promise you, being able to see you here is the only thing that keeps the shitty feelings from eating me alive.”

“No, I didn't think you would, I just wanted you to know that that was an option, if things really do get too… dicey. You know we’re on thin ice already.”

“Don’t remind me.” He mumbled. “What a great way to start the morning.”

You let out a sigh. “I’m sorry, okay? Do you want me to make you anything? I don’t have much to do today anyway.”

As pouty as he was being, you knew he had a weakness. You could see a small smile pulling at his lips. “Only if you apologize for being mean to your best friend.”

“How was I being mean?!”

“You said that, like you wouldn’t even care if you never saw me again.”

He was quieter now, and the smile had quickly disappeared. He was hurt. Of course you hadn’t meant it like that, but that didn’t really matter now.

“Come on, you know I would care, of course I would miss you, but if it’s what’s best for you…”

“I know it’s stupid to be here so much okay? Can you stop now?” He snapped.

You kept your lips sealed after that. Baekhyun had never said something like that to you before, outside of playful teasing, but you could tell he was being serious now. You had to admit, it stung a little.

You watched as he walked over to his usual spot across the table from you and sat down, the grim expression on his face remaining unmoved. You weren’t going to speak again until he said something, so you got back to what you were doing, letting him sit there and sulk.

The minutes kept passing and he still didn’t say anything to you, in fact he barely even looked at you or what you were doing. You’d shoved a plate of reject macarons in front of him and all of his attention was focused on them now, although you knew his eyes were avoiding you on purpose.

He obviously did realize how risky it was, yet he seemed not to care. Hell, he didn’t even want to address it. That was the part that really stung, since getting caught wouldn’t only affect him, you would be in big trouble too. But he didn’t even want to think about that, he just wanted to keep pushing it and testing both of your luck it seemed.

After a few more minutes of working you heard a knock on the door before it opened, and you smiled when you saw your friend Kyungsoo, one of the head chefs in the kitchen next to where you worked. You and Kyungsoo had known each other for years, and had practically grown up in the palace together. He’d spent his whole life cooking, and was probably the best chef in the whole kingdom. He truly had a talent for what he did, and was someone you admired a lot. As teens you’d even had a few little flings, but in the end you were better off as friends.

“Hi Kyungsoo! Do you need something?”

“Yeah, actually. Someone wants a last minute quiche so I need you to make some dough, if that’s alright.”

“I’m not too busy, it’s no problem.”

You looked over to Baekhyun when you finally felt his eyes on you again. He looked tense.

“Thank you, y/n. I’m not too busy either, so just let me know when it’s ready!”

You expected him to leave after that, but he just stood there, seemingly deep in thought.

“Or, since I’m not busy either, can you show me how to make it? So I don’t always have to bother you about it in the future?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Sure!” You smiled back at him, glad that you had someone to take your mind off Baekhyun and his pouting. Though it did surprise you that someone as talented as him didn’t know how to make such a simple dough.

Kyungsoo made his way over to your work table and you started to gather all your ingredients. While you were grabbing the butter you noticed how Baekhyun was staring at Kyungsoo. You’d never seen him look so agitated before, and you hoped he wasn’t going to do or say anything stupid.

You started showing him the process of making the dough, but soon realized you forgot the water so you went to fetch some, and before you could even reach the faucet you heard Baekhyun’s voice.

“Please leave. She shouldn’t have to show you how to make it anyway.” He said to Kyungsoo, face completely blank.

Kyungsoo frowned, but quickly bowed, spoke a small “Yes sir” and disappeared again.

You almost couldn’t believe it.

Not once had Baekhyun bossed anyone around in front of you, and now he was being straight up rude.

Once you were sure you were both out of earshot you couldn’t help but speak up.

“What the hell Baekhyun? That was uncalled for.”

“Yeah well I didn’t want him here and I’m the one in charge.” He grumbled.

You couldn’t help but scoff at that. “I thought you weren’t like that.”

“Like what?” His eyes narrowed as he asked.

“Like an asshole prince who orders people around like they’re nothing. I thought you were better than that.”

With that you turned your back to him, making your way to the stairs that led to the basement. You needed to grab more flour, but you also just wanted an excuse to get away from him for a bit.

At first it seemed to work, and you made it all the way down the stairs without hearing a peep from him.

You sat down on a stack of bags of sugar and heard footsteps start to come down the stairs towards you.

“Come on, all I did was ask him to leave.” You heard him say, although you couldn’t see him yet.

You didn’t respond, sitting with your arms crossed waiting for him to come all the way down. Once you could see him, you gave him an angry look before responding.

“It was still rude. And worse than that, you could give someone the wrong idea. You can’t act like that if you want us to keep being friends.”

You hoped he’d get what you were saying without having to explain it to him. You weren’t sure if it was jealousy that had made him say it, or if he was still just in a bad mood, but it didn’t matter if others were already jumping to conclusions. You hoped Kyungsoo wasn’t too hurt and that he wouldn’t read into it too much, but knowing him he probably did. He was always a very quiet and even more observant guy.

Baekhyun just rolled his eyes at what you said, and you narrowed your eyes at him. “Sometimes I think that you wouldn’t even care if someone important figured out that we’re friends. You’re not the only one who would have to deal with the consequences of that, you know. I’d probably be even worse off than you.”

“Are you kidding? Of course I would care! I’ve told you a million times that visiting you here is all I look forward to nowadays, of course I don’t want that to stop.”

It was infuriating how dense he could be at times. You stood up, walking up to him and grabbing his hands.

“Then you have to be more careful, and you can’t act like that around my friends.” You said before letting go and turning to walk back up the stairs.

You’d made it up the first couple stairs before you felt his hand on your wrist.

“Y/n, wait. Didn’t you come down here for something?”

You had expected him to apologize, not remind you of the bag or flour you forgot about, but unfortunately he was right. However you absolutely were not in the mood to have him doting on you at the moment so you just stared back at him, hoping he’d get the message and leave you be, but he had other plans.

“Come on, what do you need? Sugar? Flour? I’ll carry it up for you.”

He wasn’t going to leave you alone, you could tell that much. You still couldn’t understand why he was always so careless when the two of you had so much to lose, and it still made you mad. You wanted him to apologize, and to be more careful, but he didn’t seem interested in that, still.

“You’re not carrying anything until you apologize and you promise me you’ll be more careful.” You said, pulling your wrist out of his hand and walking past him back down to where you had been.

“You should be the one apologizing to me for what you said earlier! You say I’m your best friend but then act like you wouldn’t even give a shit if I ditched you forever! That’s not much of a friend at all if you ask me.”

He was acting like such a child, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. You brushed him off and started trying to haul one of the bags of flour over your shoulder to carry up the stairs but for some reason it felt even heavier than usual today. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t do much more than drag it across the floor. The whole time Baekhyun watched, arms crossed, with one eyebrow raised as you struggled.

“All you have to do is say you’re sorry and I’ll get it for you.” He chuckled as you finally dragged the bag to the bottom of the stairs. You didn’t respond.

When you started trying to hoist the bag up, one stair at a time, you knew you were screwed. You were pissed. As much as you didn’t want his help right now, you needed it. The smug look on his face when you sat down on the 3rd step made you want to cry in defeat.

“I swear to god if you tell me to apologize one more time I’m gonna lose it.” You didn’t look up at him as you spoke. He was standing in front of you now at the bottom of the stairs, and you were expecting another annoying comment from him, but to your surprise it didn’t come.

“Okay, fine.” He sighed, and you saw him extend a hand to help you up. You took it, and you were once again standing in front of him at the bottom of the stairs.

“Why did you ask him to leave like that? Kyungsoo is my friend, you know, and he’s the one who cooks most of your meals, so you shouldn’t get on his bad side either.”

You were hoping he’d at least be able to give you a good reason for why he’d acted like that, that maybe he needed to talk to you about something in private, but that was not the case. Baekhyun ran his hand through his hair, not wanting to answer since he knew he wouldn’t be able to lie to you.

“I didn’t like the way he was looking at you.” He eventually mumbled, barely intelligible but you definitely heard him.

Your eyes widened. Why would he be bothered by the way another guy looked at you? How did Kyungsoo look at you anyway?

“Looking at me how?”

“Like, just staring a lot. At you. It felt weird.”

You remembered what Jiwoo had said in the past. Did Kyungsoo look at you like that too? And did it really bother Baekhyun that much?

You didn’t want to keep making things more awkward so you decided it would be best not to take him too seriously.

“What are you, my dad? Me and Kyungsoo have been friends since we were kids, I know he isn’t a creep. You should apologize next time you see him.”

At that, Baekhyun rolled his eyes. He was quiet for a minute before speaking up again.

“Have you guys always been just friends?”

You raised an eyebrow at him. He was really doing this right now. He was more jealous than you thought.

“We decided a long time ago that we’re better off just as friends.”

He had a smug grin on his face and you gave him a questioning look.

“So I was right.”

“Pardon?”

“Doesn’t matter how much time passes, once a guy’s attracted to you that isn’t going to change. I’m sure you’ve only gotten prettier since then too.”

Prettier.

He needed to be more careful with his words. This was not good for you. You knew your face was red and that he could see it clear as day.

“Well it doesn’t matter how he looks at me since we’re just friends and that’s all we’ll ever be.” You said, trying your best to ignore what he had said. “Now are you finally going to apologize for being so careless?”

He rolled his eyes at you again, but when you shot him a dirty look he finally gave in.

“Fine. I’m sorry. I’ll try to be more careful.”

You could tell he didn’t really mean it, but at least he was still willing to say it. You gave him a small “thank you” and turned to walk back up the stairs, but his hand was back on your wrist.

“Can I take you out tonight? To make it up to you? There’s something way better than the tower and it’s out in the middle of the forest so we don’t have to worry about being caught.”

You scoffed. “Come on, you are totally just using this as an excuse.”

Of course you did want to go, but it was still impressive to you how quickly he was willing to twist things in his favor to get what he wanted.

“Okay maybe I am but I’ve been going to this place for a while and it’s really nice and I still owe you for that night I almost got us caught. Come on please?”

“And you’re sure it’s safe?”

“Yes, one hundred percent. Just don’t wear a dress, okay? Meet at the bench again.”

As much as you tried to act annoyed, you couldn’t help but smile at the thought of another late night outing with him. “Alright.”

He smiled and finally picked up your bag of flour, throwing it easily over his shoulder and walking back up the stairs with you.

You wondered what was wrong with wearing a dress, but you decided not to question him any further. Once you were back in the kitchen you couldn’t help but feel hyper aware of his eyes on you any time you’d have to go get something and your back was turned to him. You even found yourself bending down a little extra slowly when you dropped a rag on the floor. If he was already looking, you figured you might as well give him something to look at.

Luckily his mood was much better after that too. Whenever there wasn’t anyone else there he would go on about how fun it was going to be and how much you would love where he was taking you. As hard as you tried to act grounded, you were also way too excited.

You were done with your work for the day pretty soon afterwards and the two of you parted ways. The entire afternoon and evening seemed to drag on and on as you waited for it to finally reach half past midnight. After what felt like forever you finally slipped out of your room to sneak through the hallways to the garden.

As usual, he was sitting there already waiting for you when you arrived. He also gave you the usual hug, which you savored every short second of.

“I’m glad to see you wore pants,” he said, smiling, “because we’re going for a ride.”

Your eyes widened but he was already pulling you along with him to the stables at the far end of the garden.

“Uh, I’ve never done this before, are you sure it’s safe?”

He slowed down, looking back and giving you a reassuring smile. “As long as you hold on you’ll be fine.”

You let out a small “okay” and kept following him until he walked up to what you assumed to be his noble steed, and he got everything in place before easily stepping up and swinging a leg over its back.

He held out his hand for you and you gave him a nervous look. “Just put your foot there, and I’ll pull you up, okay? Do you trust me?”

Do you trust me?

Did you trust him? Sure, he’d gotten you into trouble before, or nearly had, but for some reason you still found yourself nodding. As selfish as you thought he could be, you still knew deep down that he cared about you enough to never purposefully put you in harm's way.

So, you did as he said, pulling yourself up as he helped until you found yourself sitting directly behind him. You felt his hands on your wrists as he guided them around his waist. “Hold on tight, yeah?”

You nodded again, locking your arms around him. He felt strong. You knew princes had to stay in good physical shape and know how to fight, and you could feel it as you held on to him. Soon you were moving through the woods at a much quicker speed, feeling the summer breeze on your skin. Holding onto him like this, feeling the wind in your hair, was euphoric. You almost didn’t want it to end but soon enough you were slowing down and you saw the sparkling of the moonlight over a large body of water. When you stopped he jumped off, and held out a hand to help you do the same. Once you had your feet on solid ground and you could properly look around you were amazed. There was a huge lake stretching out in front of you surrounded by dense trees, and you were far enough away from the lights of the town and palace that the stars reflected beautifully in the water. The only light came from the moon, stars, and fireflies dancing across the edge of the water. It was absolutely stunning.

You were so busy taking in your surroundings you almost forgot who you were with.

“So? Do you like it?” He asked.

“Yes, of course, it’s beautiful.”

He grinned and pulled you in for another hug. He took a blanket and spread it out on the grass for the two of you to sit on, and you gladly joined him.

In that moment everything felt almost a little too perfect. He had snaked his arm around you, as you both sat and looked out at the lake, enjoying the gentle summer breeze. When you turned to look up at him all you could see were his lips, and it took every bit of self control left in you not to give in and just kiss him.

After a few seconds you snapped yourself out of it and looked back at the scenery in front of you. You hoped he hadn’t noticed your wandering eyes, but realistically he probably did. It wasn’t so much that you didn’t want him to know that you’d like to kiss him, that was a given, you were afraid that he would actually do it. Something about the atmosphere there felt different, somehow even more intimate and romantic than your bedroom. It felt natural, to just lean over and press your lips to his own. It was almost magnetic. You found it more and more frustrating to have to fight it off.

“What are you thinking about?” You heard him ask you.

Your lips. That would be the honest answer, but you couldn’t dare say it out loud.

“Nothing important, frivolous things.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

You sighed.

“Just how things could be different, if we were different people.”

He sighed at that too, and you looked up at his face, which was still facing the lake. He knew what you meant, and of course he’d thought about it too.

“I’m sorry about this morning, I didn’t mean to make it sound like I don’t care about you, you know I do, but I was getting worried since you’ve been acting differently since the... marriage thing.” You said, having to steady your voice at the last two words.

“It’s okay. I know I’ve been acting weird. I just get scared that I’m gonna mess something up, I guess. Like I did today. You know the part that hurt the most was when you said I was acting like a stuck up prince. I don’t ever want you to see me like that.”

“I know you aren’t really like that, Baekhyun. Otherwise I wouldn’t be here with you right now.”

He finally turned to face you, giving you a warm smile. “Thank you.”

You smiled back, but soon turned away to look back at the lake when you started feeling shy under his gaze. It was quiet for a minute, until he broke the silence again.

“You’re the first person I’ve ever brought out here. Before I met you, whenever something would happen with my family and I needed to get away from it all, I would come here.”

“And now?”

“I just come running to you.” He chuckled. “But that’s why I wanted to show you this place. Something about it feels so peaceful, especially at night. Even on the worst days when I would come out here I would always feel better eventually. It’s the same way with you.”

You were thankful that the low lighting hid your blush. “I’m glad I can help.” You responded softly. “And thank you for taking me here.”

Your heart was bursting, knowing that you were the first person he’d ever taken there before.

“Why am I the first person you’ve shown this place to? Why me?”

“I guess I trust you more than anyone else. It’s a little hard to find and I like having it to myself. I didn’t want to tell other people because I was worried they would just come here for fun, when this place is really important to me. I feel like when I’m here I can actually think straight for once.”

“I’m that special?”

“Oh Creampuff, you have no idea how special you are.”

With that he laid back, looking straight up at the stars. “Do you know any constellations? I used to lay out here and map the stars sometimes. It’s been a while, though.”

“I know of a few, but I don’t know where they are. I hardly get the chance to go out at night.”

You laid down as well, and he soon pulled you close, letting you cuddle up to him as he pointed out different shapes in the stars. It felt unbelievably cozy, laying there with him. You were only half paying attention to him as you replayed his words again, how he said you were special. In the past, boys had told you the same thing, but it never felt real until he said it. With him, however, you knew it was true. Because you were here, in his arms, in his favorite secret place that he hadn’t shown anyone but you. He didn’t even have to tell you, you could just feel it.

He was telling you something about one of the constellations when you couldn’t fight it anymore and let out a yawn. It wasn’t that you were bored, this place and his presence just felt so calm and comfortable, you couldn't help but get a little sleepy, especially since it was already late.

“Tired?” He asked.

“Yeah, a little bit.”

“You can sleep for a bit, I’ll wake you up when it’s time to go.”

You nodded and he moved to bunch up the blanket into a makeshift pillow for you, before laying down next to you again. You laid back, and slowly felt yourself drifting off, though the sounds of the forest around you made it a bit difficult. Still enjoying the peacefulness of it all, you decided to just keep your eyes closed and enjoy the feeling.

A few minutes went by and you felt him moving, like he was sitting up next to you, although you couldn’t be sure. Another couple seconds passed and you swore you felt his breath on your face, as if he was hovering directly over you, but your eyes stayed firmly shut.

You felt something brush across your cheek, assuming it to be his thumb. You didn’t react. He was hovering right over you, and before you could form another thought you felt something softly press against your lips.

He was kissing you.

It took every ounce of willpower you possessed to stay still, and keep your eyes closed. He had to think you were sleeping. It pained you that you couldn’t throw your arms around him and kiss him back. There was nothing you wanted more than to spend the whole night there with him, kissing him under the stars.

His lips left yours far too soon and you almost whined at the loss of contact before having to stop yourself. Why did his lips have to be so soft? Why did it have to feel so perfect?

You wanted to cry. You had spent so much time thinking about what his lips would feel like against your own, and now you just had to lay there and act like it didn’t even happen.

What was he thinking? Just kissing you like that? Of course he probably thought that you were asleep and wouldn’t even feel it or remember, but still. Did he really want to kiss you that badly too? To where he just couldn’t help himself? And if he was willing to kiss you, would he do other silly things that he knew were reckless too?

Your mind was racing, but the feeling of his lips on yours was still at the forefront, making it almost impossible to think clearly about anything else. He kissed you. He really kissed you.

You wanted to feel it again. Would you ever get to feel it again, though? Realistically, probably not. It was incredibly foolish of him to do in the first place, but now that you both knew the feeling you hoped that somehow he would do it again. And maybe next time you’d actually get to kiss him back.

Since a few minutes had passed and you were feeling extra lovey-dovey now, you decided to cuddle back up to him. He put his arms around you right away too, much to your delight. When you were in his arms like this, you felt more secure, more at ease than you ever thought was possible for you. It was funny thinking back to when you first met him and how nervous he made you, when now you were each other's greatest sources of comfort.

The more you thought about it the more you realized that it wasn’t just a crush, or infatuation. Now that you knew him for who he really was, good and bad, it was more than that. Sure he could be pretty annoying and didn’t always think things through, but you still wouldn’t change a thing about him. He was Baekhyun, your Baekhyun, who was so sweet and silly and wonderful. In a way you even admired his fearlessness, despite the stress it caused you.

You loved him.

The more you thought about it, the more you had to fight back tears again. You were so helplessly in love with someone who you could never share that love with. He might not even love you back. Sure he’d kissed you, but he could still be acting purely on shallow desires. But what if he did? Somehow, that was even more heart wrenching. If he really was in love with you too, he would just have to go through the same heartbreak as you. So in a way, you hoped he didn’t.

Your mind went back to the first night you met with him in the garden. He told you he wanted to be in love, even if it was only for a little while. Just to know the feeling.

With that little memory, things started to make a lot more sense. How fearless he was about seeing you, how far he was willing to push it. If your intuition was right, he did love you. He wanted to make the most of the short time you had left together.

You hid your face in his chest when you felt a tear spill over. To your surprise he didn’t do or say anything, just moved a hand up to gently stroke your hair. As unlikely as it seemed, you wondered if he understood why you were crying.

Luckily it didn’t last long, and you tried your best to relax again, but you still felt your heart racing. You didn’t even realize how tense you’d gotten. Hopefully he hadn’t picked up on that.

Eventually your heart rate calmed down as well and you felt yourself actually dozing off. You didn’t fight it.

You felt movement and then a hand on your shoulder, gently shaking you to wake you up.

“The sun’s going up in a few hours, we should go back.”

You groaned, trying to pull him back down with you. He chuckled, pulling you up with him instead.

You whined even more when you realized how far you were from the palace, and that you couldn’t just quickly walk back.

“I know, I don’t wanna go either.” He said, standing up, and offering a hand to help you up too. Reluctantly, you complied.

The way back was slower, which you savored since it gave you more time with him. Although you didn’t really need to now, you still kept your arms locked around him, resting your head on his broad back.

He was uncharacteristically quiet and shy when he walked you across the gardens to the back of the palace. Part of you still wondered if he could tell that you’d been awake, and if he had seen on your face how the kiss had affected you. He knew you well by now, and was good at reading you. If he did, you hoped he wasn’t hurt that you didn’t kiss him back. But he couldn’t expect that of you, not with the situation you were in.

Of course part of you had wanted to kiss him back, badly. You were so far away from any other people, nobody would’ve had to know if you’d decided to do it. The two of you could’ve stayed there under the moon and stars enjoying the feeling of each other’s lips for hours.

It was what would come after that was too scary for you. You couldn’t be sure about him, but you knew that at least for yourself, once you gave in for good, there would be no turning back, no more acting like you were just friends.

You also thought about the way he’d look at you sometimes, like he did out in the rain that one night. Once he kissed you, and you kissed him back, would he want more? You had never been touched that way before, and as much as you loved him you weren’t sure if you were ready for that. Just thinking about him touching you, in places only your own hands knew, was slightly overwhelming.

Once you were back in your room and those thoughts were implanted in your mind, they were hard to get rid of. You tossed and turned at the memory of his lips on yours, but even worse were the thoughts of what kissing him might lead to. Thoughts of his pretty hands exploring your body, like his eyes already had and like you knew he wanted to. It made it that much harder to keep resisting him. If he kept tiptoeing on that dangerous line, you were inevitably going to give in and cross it together.

You still didn’t know if you were really ready, since it was something you had never experienced before, but you knew that thinking about his hands on your body made you feel something. Something that took over your mind and made any other type of thinking impossible. You kept trying to snap yourself out of it, to tell yourself that it could never happen anyway, but even as the sun started going up you found yourself hoping and fantasizing that he would give you what you craved.

You loved him, and you wanted him. All of him.

Next Chapter

#baekhyun fluff #baekhyun fic #baekhyun x reader #exo fluff #exo fic #baekhyun smut #exo smut #baekhyun #exo #fluff

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cosmicjoke · 3 years ago

Text

Ah, and now onto one of the most depressing chapters in all of SnK, chapter 132.

You know, if anyone ever needed a reason to despise Floch any more, how about the fact that he’s literally the reason Hange died? If this bitch ass ho hadn’t shot the fuel tank of the plane full of holes, Hange wouldn’t have had to engage with the Titans to buy time for them to fix it, and they wouldn’t have died. So, fuck you Floch. I wish you’d suffered more before Mikasa finally ended your ass.

Well, anyway, what can I say about this chapter that hasn’t already been discussed? Probably nothing, but I’ll try my best to give my observations anyway.

This really is Hange’s chapter, and Levi’s, in terms of putting a spot light on the importance of their relationship to one another.

Hange’s sacrifice in this chapter is heartbreaking, it truly is, and such a major blow to everyone. But to Levi most of all, and for so many reasons.

First of all, what stands out to me is the exchange between them, after Pieck tells Hange to stop being “gross”. What I want to talk about here is when Hange asks Levi if he thinks their dead comrades are watching, and if he thinks they’ll be proud of what they do here today. Levi tells Hange to stop talking like “him”, meaning of course Erwin. This scene is just heart-wrenching, and part of that is, I think, because of Levi’s reaction to what Hange is saying. He has, once again, such a weary, resigned looked on his face, and it’s because, I think, of the parallels he sees with Erwin. I think Levi already knows, at this point, that Hange is going to die, in some way. He recognizes the same, fatalistic bent to Hange’s mindset as he saw in Erwin, that day in Shinganshina, the same burden of guilt. Just as Erwin began to bow and break under the weight of all the lives that had been lost under his command, Hange too is beginning to break, overcome by despair and hopelessness at what they perceive to be their failures. Hange expresses this outright in the scene with Yelena, when Yelena tries forcing everyone to admit that Zeke was right, and Hange just resignedly agrees, saying that it was because of their failure to come up with a plan, because of their loss of hope, that Eren’s done what he has. Of course, this isn’t true, just like Erwin blaming himself for the deaths of all those soldiers wasn’t based in any kind of truth. But the sense of guilt is the same. Hange blames themselves for what’s happening now, and they say this in front of everyone, including Levi. And then Hange says what they do to Levi, about their dead comrades, and I think this must have been like the worst kind of deja vu to Levi, this kind of guilt driving Hange towards despair and hopelessness. He tells Hange “Don’t you start talking like him, too...” because he can’t bear it. He can’t bear to see his last, true friend succumb to the same fate as Erwin.

And then the Rumbling shows up, and Hange refuses for anyone else to engage with the Titans but themselves. They tell everyone “I’m the one who led us here. I pressed on, even at the cost of so many lives. Time to face the music.”, and it’s Hange willingly taking on the role of martyr, the same one Levi had to help Erwin to accept for himself, in order to give their comrades a chance at victory. Hange’s selflessness here is the definition of heroic. True, unwavering conviction to what they believe is right.

But once again, similarly to Levi’s final push to help Erwin become the commander everyone believed him to be, Levi recognizes for Hange, in their final moment together, what it is they need. He doesn’t try to stop Hange, doesn’t try to convince them against their chosen course of action, doesn’t cry out after them. The same way Levi recognized in Erwin the way he was being crushed under the weight of his guilt, and understood how it would be a mercy and a salvation to make for him the decision to let go of his dream and die, Levi also recognizes in Hange that same burden and suffocating sense of guilt, and knows this is a decision Hange has made for themselves, their final absolution and ownership of their past choices, and that this is the thing Hange needs to relieve them of their burden. A way for them to bear the burden of their past choices without regret. Hange implores Levi to let them walk away and do this, and Levi does, because he understands, the same as he understood with Erwin.

But we finally see in full view the consequences for Levi in making these decisions, in letting his two, closest friends go to their deaths for the sake of their cause. Levi’s expression in the following three panels is one of such unfathomable heartbreak. He looks like a man utterly resigned to losing every good thing in his life, conscious and accepting of life’s bitter injustice and the grief of loss, but no less affected by it. Levi is in so much obvious pain here. Not physical (though obviously there’s that), but emotional and mental. Hange is it for him. They’re his last, real connection, his last, true friend, his last person. And he has to let them go here. Both for the sake of humanity, and for Hange’s own sake as well. It truly is the bitterest pill to swallow. And once again, it is a desperately heartbreaking display of Levi’s own selflessness, that he lets Hange go, that he lets Hange do this thing that needs to be done, without complaint, without protest, without influence from his own feelings, sacrificing once more what would be best for him for the sake of everyone else. Levi looks devastated as he lays his fist against Hange’s chest and tells them “dedicate your heart”. This final acceptance of his own, tragic loss, and Hange’s own choice to sacrifice their life.

And it continues when Hange flies away, at last, and we see Levi standing with the rest of their group. Everyone around Levi has expressions of shock, dismay, and disbelief. They haven’t yet accepted that this is happening, that Hange is flying to their death to buy them the time they need. They look astonished and horrified. But Levi is the lone exception. He doesn’t look shocked, or disbelieving, but only continues to carry that same expression of weary, despairing resignation and acceptance. And I think what we see in Levi, in this final arc is, in many ways, the culmination of a lifetime of loss and grief. Levi’s lost more than probably any other character in SnK. He’s experienced the most extreme forms of poverty and depravation from the time he was born, and with the death of Hange, has now lost every, single person that he ever formed any kind of close bond with. With Hange’s death, Levi is left finally, completely alone. And the look of defeat on Levi’s face throughout this entire arc is, I think, reflective of the affirmation he must feel, of the cruelty and injustice of life’s indifference to the suffering of everyone. Every experience in Levi’s life has driven home to him the lesson, again and again, of the unfairness and cruelty of existing in this world. And the events of this final arc, Eren’s betrayal, Zeke’s manipulations and cruelties, the deaths of so many comrades, the Rumbling, violence and destruction and allies turning against one another, and finally, Hange’s death, can only solidify for him the hopeless cynicism he’s fought against all his life, the awful comprehension of life’s brutality. With Hange’s death, Levi is made to face once more what he’s always, deep down, known, which is that to exist in this world is to suffer with no purpose.

And yet, still, Levi fights on. He accepts Hange’s death with all the pain the loss crushes him down with. He tells Hange goodbye, and asks them to “Just watch us.”. Because even with the affirmation of all of Levi’s greatest despairs, he still finds a reason to make the fight worth it. To realize the dream they all fought for, the salvation and future of humanity, and through the realization of that dream, to give meaning and importance to the lives of all those who have died in that dreams name, and meaning and importance to the lives of those yet still there. Levi refuses, still, to give up, refuses to accept the futility and insignificance of people’s lives, even as he’s so ruthlessly reminded again and again of it. And it’s in Hange, I think, that Levi finds that strength. Because Hange also refused to give up. Like they told Floch as he bled out, “We still can’t give up. Even if we fail here, now, maybe someday...” Maybe someday, life really will get better. Maybe someday, people won’t have to suffer so much. Maybe someday, there really will be a point to all of it. Even in the face of total despair, Hange and Levi both found reasons to keep fighting.

Also, just some smaller observations about Levi’s physical state, and what it also says about his determination to not give up, but also about his perception of himself.

Levi is doing BAD here. I didn’t notice this on my first read through, but when they’re all gearing up with their ODM gear, Levi is the only one sitting down on a crate, while everyone else is standing. We see earlier in the chapter, when he leaves his room on the boat, he can’t even stand without the support of a handrail on the upper deck, or Armin’s arm around his shoulders. And then when we see him testing his grip on the handle of his ODM’s blade, his hand is visibly shaking. Levi’s physically too weak to stand on his own at this point, too weak to even hold his blades steady. He must be in absolutely horrific pain. Probably dizzy and lightheaded, probably nauseas even. He’s FAILING physically. On the verge, it seems, of collapse. The fact that he’s even up and making the effort to move is something of a miracle, let alone that he’s prepared to engage in intense, physical combat, which just a short time later, he DOES. That’s remarkable, and such a testament to Levi’s incredible will and unwavering conviction to fight for humanity. He’s dying. I think literally, he’s extremely close to death, genuinely frail. But he still is ready and willing to give his all. I think, over the course of the few chapters before this one, it must have been horrifically hard for Levi to sit by and watch as everyone else risked their lives to fight. This isn’t something Levi is used to, being helpless and unable to fight for others. He isn’t used to letting others take the risk while he stays back. When Levi comes out of his cabin and Armin tries to convince him to go back to bed, Levi snaps with impatience that if he keeps resting, they’re all going to forget he even exists. This reveals a lot about Levi’s perception of himself as someone who needs to make himself useful in order to matter. As a tool to utilize. He feels useless and like dead weight if he isn’t able to fight, and so, even on deaths door, he pushes himself to do just that, to become a weapon to be used in the coming battle. It’s heartbreaking, to see Levi regard himself this way, even as it proves his incredible devotion and heart. Once again, his own well being takes a backseat to the cause of others. His health is secondary, in his mind. For someone who always shows so much compassion and kindness and understanding for others, it makes it doubly heartbreaking, to see that Levi can’t manage the same compassion for himself, can’t give himself a break, or a pass for his weakness. That he can’t allow himself that vulnerability, or for others to fight for him, even as all his life, he’s done nothing but fight for others.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #Levi Ackerman #hange zöe #snk 132 #meta #thoughts

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