#anyway I've finally reached the point of blocking people

[katyspersonal]

I really hate it when someone says or does something mean and unfair and I try to address how wrong it is, and all they can react as "hey this is just internet and we are also strangers move on why are you getting so worked up about words in the iNtErNeT fRoM sTrAnGeR grow up pls I can be a mean unfair bitch for no reason to StRaNgErS on the InTeRnEt 🥺🥺🥺"

Like, the fact that we are not sharing physical space doesn't cancel the fact that what you just did not only didn't make rational sense, but was mean? And you are not supposed to be a rude bitch to "strangers" either? How are you a mature, secure adult if the only way you can handle the fact of misjudging someone and being rude is to try to gaslight them with that "you're overreacting uwu" thing? I am reacting just right, by pointing out an unfair action for being unfair, I am physically unable to react more rationally.

[arendaes]

It's 5:30am, I can't sleep because I had a bad night last night and I need to vent.

Sometimes I wonder if not being more open about my offline life is to my detriment, because it never fails that I seem to attract people who see me as someone who's easy to walk all over. So many people I've known both online and off really like to treat me however they like, including being rude, condescending, and sometimes just downright cruelly, but the moment I have enough and draw a line in the sand they just want to wipe it away and tell me all about how I'm the one in the wrong.

I once had a friend who ignored my existence for six months and then got mad when I told her I wasn't coming to her son's birthday party. When I say "ignored my existence", I don't just mean unanswered texts; I mean I worked at a store in town and saw her in there multiple times. Every time I would wave and say hi while she was looking right at me and she would walk right by me as if I wasn't there. She knew I worked there too because we met working there. Literally we went from hanging out every day off we had together to that and still she got mad when I was hurt and just didn't want to come to a child's goddamned birthday party (when I have no kid of my own) because of it. The kid was only a year old so it wasn't like he knew who I was, either.

And online has been worse in a lot of ways. I made a friend a few years ago back when I first started getting involved in fandom. At the time I was resistant to the idea but now I realize I befriended him out of pity, because no one seemed to really want to be involved with him and he'd always been so nice to me. That was a mistake, because it turned out he was an alt-right chud who waited until he thought we were close enough and then started deliberately baiting me into arguments where he'd say horrible shit to me and make me upset and then fucking laugh He admitted it was fun for him to upset me. He stopped laughing when I finally stood up for myself and cut him out of my life, only to repeatedly ignore my requests for him to leave me alone. He would send me messages and like my posts, along with asking his friends to do the same and even writing a fic about one of my favorite characters where an unnamed OC treated said character poorly (all while said OC said things that were word for word things I said to him in out last conversation) and posting it where he knew I'd see it. Thankfully his conscience got the better of him with that last one and he took it down just a few days after posting, but the damage was done. He's the reason my ask box is closed most of the time and I have it set to where only followers can message me or comment on my posts. I think he's moved on - I hope he's moved on - but I live with this ever-present fear he hasn't and if I let my guard drop he'll start again.

And this is just two of the biggest incidents in a long line of family members saying I can't have boundaries with them because they're faaaamily and honest conversations with friends about how they've hurt me only to have them turn around and blame that hurt on myself. I'm just...so confused about what I can even do anymore. It feels like no matter what I do I just attract people who want to use and abuse my good nature. Hell, it's been so bad that I typed that and immediately thought "are you good-natured or do you just have an unnecessarily high opinion of yourself?" Which I know is the brain demon talking, but sometimes it's hard to drown it out, especially when this is all I've ever known.

[leconcombrerit]

This thing had been rotting in my files for a year (minus three weeks but that's basically a year). It was a redraw of one of my first ever pieces for this fandom, and I still find it quite okay if a little stiff in places, so I thought I might as well share it since I don't draw that much anymore.

And then I had second thoughts, which obviously led to me posting it anyway, as you can see, but I realized I've almost made it a point not to draw anything related to Sasi anymore. As in at all. I can't, and I don't want to, and even sharing old art feels a bit 'meh'. It's too directly linked to my long going art block.

What I mean by that is that if I took all the followers I have out there and asked them what they know me or initially followed me for, you might have a fair amount of Lis 2 and the occasional Desert Bluffs afficionados, but you'd get an overwhelming majority of Sanders Sides. Sanders Sides fashion posts even. I was by no means famous for it or anything, but at my small artist scale, it was the biggest success I had.

And it makes it much harder to go back to it at all now. One, because I don't give a damn about the show anymore. Two, because I haven't been properly obsessing over anything in a while (there was a series early this year but given the actual emotional distress I get thinking about it I'm ruling it out). I haven't had real engagement from my own brain, nor real engagement from a broad audience -which makes sense, I'm not posting for anything that will reach a broad audience. But it takes its toll regardless.

Even when I finally finished writing a long fic, I couldn't help but feel 'all this for what ? Ten people or so and two hundreds have dropped it ?'. Which is a bad way to think about stuff you write for your own enjoyment but, you know, the brain gets happy with external validation even if you pretend really hard you don't care.

And so it feels tempting to go back to the golden goose just the time to get the creative juice pumping back, and I try, and I always end up frustrated and angry and feeling even less like making art that before. I'm not having fun with Sasi. Like an old friend you have nothing to say to and yet you have so much to say otherwise, so you get a bit frustrated, you know ? Not sure I'm making much sense, but that's how it feels. I want to have something like that again, but it won't be with Sanders Sides, and I somehow just want if off my radar.

It was left hanging, then lost its spark, and then I stopped caring altogether and I most likely won't even watch the finale when it does come out. I'm over it. I wish I wasn't though, because it does feel like the artistic spark won't come back all on its own this time, and the buzzing community made it so much easier to bounce back and do shit when your brain got wired all wrong.

It sounds like I'm just bawling after love and likes and stuff, and I guess that's part of it, in a way ? Like I'm in no place to do things for myself, and seeing the one thing I used to use to get back in the flow giving me a bored sense of dread doesn't feel too great.

Yet this drawing is still good ! I find it good ! I don't remember everything, but I can tell from the looks of it that I spent a while on it ! It's nice ! I should celebrate that. So I'm sharing it. I think it will be the last piece of Sasi I ever share, though. I'm not watching the finale when it comes out. I don't care about it. I'll just keep doodling my OCs and characters from cool books every once in a while. I'll write little things.

I just really, really need to stop trying to go back to it when it's clearly not working and not even for good reasons. It was a fun ride though ! So yeah. Basically. A whole ass rant for a one year old piece of art. I'm in my bi-annual depresso mood, nothing too surprising there.

[mmmichyyy]

40? for the prompt

#40. "am i your husband or your taxi service?"

the first time it happens, mickey doesn't think much of it.

can you pick me up after my shift? too tired to take the L

when mickey is near the station, he parks the van a block away. force of habit from when he and his brothers used to sneak up and collect from people who owed terry money. plus, he doesn't particularly want ian's coworkers to see their stolen ambulance, even though it's completely unrecognizable after debbie helped them revamp the entire thing and paint over it with the logo sandy designed.

here

i don't see you

i'm parked a block away

pick me up at the station

your legs don't work?

i'm tired :(

i drove the van

it's fine no one will be able to tell lol

mickey rolls his eyes and drops his phone in the cupholder. as he pulls up across the street from the station, he sees ian standing on the curb, chatting with someone wearing a matching EMT uniform, a shorter man with tan skin and curly hair.

mickey honks once, a bit impatient since he's hungry as fuck and there's a large pizza he ordered earlier waiting for them at their apartment. ian lifts his head and smiles. as he waves goodbye to his coworker and jogs over to the van, mickey doesn't miss the way the dude is gaping at mickey with wide eyes and a dropped jaw.

the hell is this guy's problem?

"everything okay?" mickey asks, once ian buckles his seatbelt and reclines his seat.

"just tired." ian yawns. "had a long shift today."

"well," mickey puts the van in drive, reaching over the center console to ruffle ian's hair, promptly forgetting ian's weird coworker, "i already ordered a pizza so we can eat then turn in early."

ian smiles sleepily and interlaces his fingers with mickey's. "you're the best husband ever."

mickey shakes his head, biting back a smile. "sappy fucker."

*

after almost two weeks of ian asking to be picked up, mickey suspects something is up. not that he minds or anything, since he makes his own schedule nowadays. after the security business started turning a profit and ian went back to being an emt, he hired a couple of guys to drive the routes so he could work from home and catch up on admin work, freeing up a lot of time in his day to day.

but ian never used to mind the commute. he's the kind of long-legged freak who liked to take the scenic route and go on long runs in the morning, just for fun. absolutely deranged behaviour, in mickey's opinion. but lately, ian has been flashing his kicked-puppy eyes and asking to be chauffeured like a pampered prince and, well. mickey could never resist spending more time with his husband, so he hasn't said anything. not yet, anyway. god he's so whipped.

the excuses ian came up with, however, were more unbelievable as it went on, ranging from the train broke down (mickey knew for a fact it didn't), to spraining his elbow (though he had no problem throwing mickey on the bed later that night with his supposedly injured arm), to how it was going to rain later (it was sunny all day without a cloud in sight).

when mickey tried to call him out on his bullshit, ian either got down on his knees or flipped mickey over and fucked him senseless into the bed, promptly making mickey forget what the hell he was trying to say.

it's gotten to the point where ian stopped making excuses and simply asked mickey to come get him. which truthfully, mickey doesn't mind at all. but he just finds it odd how his beefy athletic husband had gotten so lazy.

"what's with you?" mickey finally asks one day, as ian climbs into the passenger seat.

ian blinks innocently. "what do you mean, dear husband of mine?"

mickey rolls his eyes. "am i your husband or your fuckin' taxi driver? 'cause i've been picking your ass up every day for the past two weeks when you have two perfectly functioning legs."

ian huffs, crossing his arms. "maybe i just want to spend more time with you."

"we live together," mickey points out flatly, "how much more time do you need?"

"i–"

a tap on the glass interrupts them, and mickey turns to see a woman with brown hair tied back in a ponytail, enthusiastically gesturing at him to roll down the window.

"the fuck?" mickey turns to ian, whose face has turned slightly pink. "did you forget something at the station?"

"ah, no." ian scratches his head sheepishly. "sue is just being... sue."

sue waves her hand again and mickey reluctantly lowers the window.

"mickey, this is sue, my supervisor, and sue, this is–"

"the elusive husband." sue grins. "i've heard a lot about you, mickey."

mickey raises his brow. "have you now."

"oh sure," she says, ignoring ian's frantic head shaking, "ian won't shut up about you, yapping on and on about mickey this and mickey that. we're all jealous at the station actually, everyone just complains about their partners while ian keeps gushing about how perfect and amazing his husband is. his words."

"huh." that explains a lot, actually, why there was always someone different waiting with ian every time he came to pick him up, and why they all stared at him like a circus freak. "well, i bet ian didn't tell you the time we stole an ambu–"

"okay," ian cuts in loudly, reaching over to turn the key in the ignition, "we're leaving. i'll see you tomorrow, sue."

"come to the company picnic next month," sue calls out. "it's a potluck and everyone is bringing their family. it'll be fun!"

"uh sure," mickey says, even though a social gathering with ian's nosy coworkers sounds like the least fun thing he's ever heard of. he looks over at ian, slumped in his seat, avoiding mickey's eyes. "I'll check my schedule."

once mickey drives around the corner, he playfully flicks his finger at ian's temple and ian rolls his eyes, shaking his head.

"you yap about me to your coworkers," mickey teases. "you're so fuckin' whipped."

"whatever," ian grumbles. "stupid sue calling me out."

"is that why you keep asking me to pick you up?" mickey asks, amused. "to parade me around like a little show dog?"

"well, eduardo blabbed to everyone he saw you, then everyone kept asking about you and wanted to see you in person, so..."

"hm." mickey reaches over and brushes his thumb over ian's palm. "what do you say about me?"

ian links their fingers together and sighs. "that you're attentive. funny. caring. protective. loyal. the ideal man."

mickey laughs. "you're really overselling me here, gallagher. did you forget i'm an ex-convict, pimp and drug dealer?"

ian waves him off and continues. "kind. loving. perfect in every single way, except when you leave your socks on the floor. oh and that you're hot as hell with an ass that won't quit."

"you talked about my ass?"

"okay, i didn't say the last part," ian amends, "your ass belongs to just me. but i meant everything else i said."

"you really are a sappy fucker."

"you love it."

"i'd love it even more if i didn't have to be your chauffeur every day, at least they get paid to drive back and forth."

"you come with me to the picnic, i'll pay you with favours in bed. i'll even throw in a big tip."

"a big tip, huh..."

[achaotichuman]

ACOTAR Rant

Have y'all missed these? I have. The rambling juice machine is running again apparently.

Okay, so I just saw a post @an6elic-d3vil made about the scene in Frozen where Elsa freezes Anna's heart reminding them of Tamlin's outburst in the study in ACOMAF, and it triggered a very very long rant about this. You can find the original post here, I didn't want to hijack it with my senseless rambling.

Also, side note, I think I've gone into some detail about what I'm going on about here before. I don't think I've ever made a full explanation of my line of thinking. But just to preface, if I get a singular comment or reblog calling me an abuse apologist, a victim blamer or a misogynist, you will not be acknowledged and you will be blocked.

Anyway, onto the rant.

Honestly, this is the best example of what happened between Tamlin and Feyre. No one blames Elsa for harming Anna, despite her finally accessing full power, no one would expect her to have full control over them, she had lived in fear of them her entire life. She saw herself as a monster who could hurt or potentially kill Anna, and when eventually pushed to her absolute breaking point, she exploded. Anna wasn't at fault either, but later on, it's clear she recognized that Elsa wasn't in full control, and that what she had done was not an example of her true character but a reaction she had no control over.

It's the same situation with Feyre, minus how Anna handled the situation, Tamlin had just gotten back the full extent of his powers, whilst still under immense stress. He canonically did not want the High lord's magic, and viewed himself as a monster who could hurt or potentially kill those around him. He lived in fear of himself, and when eventually pushed to his absolute breaking point, he exploded. It was a natural reaction that he had no control over whatsoever. Feyre was not at fault for it either, but unlike Anna, Feyre actively went out of her way to attribute this outburst to Tamlin's true character, when it was obviously a reaction that he actively regretted.

Tamlin then tried to reign in his magic, despite still being under immense stress, and having to deal with power that was out of control. He tried to be better, but unlike Anna with Elsa, who tried to help Elsa, Feyre sabotaged his attempts and purposefully pushed him to the point that he would lose control of his magic, and then put herself in harms way so that she could ruin his reputation.

When you look at it how it is and not through the eyes of Feyre's biased POV, what Feyre did to Tamlin when she returned to the Spring Court, is far more sinister.

Was Feyre being harmed by Tamlin's outburst of magic the first time her fault? No, of course not.

Was Feyre being harmed by Tamlin's outburst of magic the second time, when she manipulated him into having an attack, and then went out of her way to ensure he harmed her so that she could ruin his reputation and therefore destabilize the Court, her fault? HMMMMM....

Not to mention that throughout that scene, at least from my shitty memory, Tamlin was aware that he was slowly reaching his breaking point, and telling, practically pleading with Feyre, to stop, so that he didn't hurt her by accident.

Hmm, an orchestrated pattern of behavior, in this case preying on your partner's fear and high-functioning anxiety that is driven by their intense trauma, that centers around forcing a reaction out of them so that you can maintain power and control over how other people perceive them for your own personal gain? Sounds a lot like...

On a side note, I'm also kind of done with the continued rhetoric that Feyre should have 'just gone after Tamlin' and left the rest of the Spring Court alone. Because, honest to God, explain to me why she is justified in abusing Tamlin.

"He locked her up." She was attempting to follow him onto dangerous territory, despite being untrained, in a new body, and having a history of running into dangerous situations and winding up needing to saved. Even when it came to Amarantha, Feyre DIED. She has never succeeded once in protecting herself on her own when in a highly dangerous situation, she always ended up needing someone beside her or to rescue her.

"He was controlling her." He had a few sentries ensure that she would not be in harm's way. They had Amarantha's big boss coming at them and Feyre just killed one of his biggest assets, you don't think that Tamlin wouldn't be smart enough to know that Hybern would have his eyes set on Feyre?

Should Tamlin have helped Feyre in training her new powers? Yes. Did his fear of losing Feyre again blind him to what she actually needed? Also yes. But I implore you to refer to the Elsa and Anna example above. Now, that's a little bit different, Elsa was the one locking herself away, but the principle remains. Elsa controlled Anna in not allowing her to marry Hans, hiding information that caused the entire plot of the movie, and wound up harming Anna significantly because of this. But the important thing to note is that, Elsa didn't know any better. How could she have known that Anna would be able to handle this information when it literally almost killed them as kids? Plus, no one would ever say Elsa wasn't entirely correct in telling Anna she could not marry Hans, she did know better in that regard. Why would Tamlin want to involve Feyre in more magic, when she literally died a few months ago after getting too involved with Fae? And why would Tamlin not know better than Feyre when it came to her following him on a dangerous mission, he has been in these situations before, and knows more about them.

Feyre was traumatized and needed a space that Tamlin could not give her, but Tamlin needed a space that Feyre couldn't give him either. They didn't help each other, they weren't physically able to, and neither were in a mental state in which they could successfully care for the other. And that is neither of their fault. But I again ask you, why is that a reason that Feyre should be allowed to abuse Tamlin as 'punishment'?

I have absolutely strayed from the original point I wanted to make, but I'm sort of glad I did. I've never considered Elsa and Anna as a possible example of Feyre and Tamlin's relationship and yet, it's almost a perfect reflection. Trauma will change the way people think, and when panicked people lose their rationale. Tamlin should have done things differently, and later on, when he saw how his actions led to Feyre ending up in the Night Court, he actively tried to be better.

If any of you have anything to add, please do. I think there is also something to be said about the power imbalance between Feyre and Tamlin, but I think it's also similar to that of Elsa and Anna, where Elsa is Queen and Anna is the Princess.

Also, obviously, Feyre's fucked up perception of Tamlin is driven by SJM trying to break up Feylin to make Feysand happen, so a lot of things that Tamlin does are just... very random? They happen not because, Tamlin as a character would do that, but because SJM is trying to make Tamlin a horrible person. Which she is failing to do, because all of these things happen off screen, e.i killing the sentries who were on duty when Morrigan kidnapped Feyre, giving Lucien a black eyes and a split lip, etc. We don't see the very random acts of cruelty on screen, and if we do see acts of cruelty, they tend to be for a good reason. For example, the wraiths that had nothing to give for the Tithe, and Tamlin being like "Well you give something, or you're gonna be hunted down." This happens because, one- everyone has to do it, no exceptions are ever made, and two- what each person has is calculated and their taxes are all equal to the amount they have, which is extremely fair tbh.

So, yeah, this is my very long post of why Feyre is actually a really shitty character and what she did to Tamlin and the Spring Court was not a #girlyboss move, but actually a "You abused your ex for funzies" move.

[ozzgin]

Greetings! How you doing today/tonight?

This is not a request or anything

Hopefully you're doing fine, cuz I'm not, I have a shitty cold rn and I just finished 5 tissue roll papers in just a few hours

Anyway this ain't about me, just wanted to see how you were doing since I've been a bit inactive with tumblr with the past few days

Have a great day/night :3

-🎧anon

Aww, sorry to hear that. We’re definitely entering cold/flu season. Mid-October I’ve gotten ill with some virus, no idea what it was, but I had no other symptoms other than terribly swollen sinuses. Which, in turn, pressed on my tooth nerves, so I had massive tooth pain for days. Never dealt with anything like that before and it sounds downright ridiculous, turns out it’s an actual thing. Start taking immunity supplements and avoid visibly sick people!

I know you said it’s not a request, but I couldn’t help the thought of “How would the Baki characters take care of you?” So I did write some short headcanons after all. For you and anyone else currently bedridden. :)

Baki Characters x Sick! Reader

Featuring Baki and Jack Hanma, Kaiou Retsu, Katsumi Orochi and Pickle. And a reader that’s battling a cold!

Baki Hanma

There are two stages of Baki’s involvement. Once you’re not answering his calls he will be at your front door, worried and considering ways to break in. That’s when he hears the muffled coughing and sneezing through the walls and figures it out: You’re sick. He’ll return with a bag of supplies and offer to stay at your place until you feel better. His help consists of quick Google searches, because he’s never had anyone doting on him and consequently has no idea how to care for someone in such situations.

Second and final stage is him getting sick from you. You’ll wake up in the middle of the night to see him trying to hold back his cough, at first denying his poor health until you touch his forehead and it’s burning. The bad news is that you’re both bedridden. Baki is beyond embarrassed, attempting to justify himself and explaining it has never happened before. Eventually one of his or your friends will show up and pay the occasional visit to play nurse. At least you’re not suffering alone. You’re not sure if it’s an actual saying, but you’re tempted to believe colds go away faster in good company.

Jack Hanma

You don’t want to interfere with Jack’s routine, so once you wake up with the familiar sore muscles, you decide to quietly recover from home. Jack notices your absence and while he does not want to be nonchalant and potentially impose on your personal troubles, he can’t help the curiosity. In fact, he spends the whole training time wondering why you’ve skipped your usual visits. So when you hear a knock on the door you don’t think twice about opening it. Probably your food delivery. Only when you notice Jack’s massive frame blocking any outside view, you gasp in surprise.

“Oh. You seem to be ill.” Is all he states before turning on his heels and leaving. You stand there baffled and eventually return to your warm bed. Just as you cozy up, there’s another knock and you groan, throwing the blankets off of you. This better be the hot soup you ordered. Except it’s Jack again, holding not only your delivery, but also multiple other bags with groceries peeking out. “Y-you’re back?” You mumble. “Well, can’t do much empty handed. Here’s your order, but I got some extra things to help with your cold”, he states as he invites himself in.

Kaiou Retsu

You know Retsu will be worried about you, so you try your best to mask the symptoms over the phone. “That’s a stuffed nose. Are you sick?” He immediately points out. Uh oh. You fumble with some excuses and he promptly hangs up. Have you upset him? You’re starting to feel bad. He’s never dropped out of a conversation like this before. You try to call back several times until you’re distracted by the sound of your doorbell. You’re not in the mood for visitors. You continue your attempts to reach Retsu as you approach the door and open it. “I suspected as much.” Your head snaps up hearing the familiar voice.

Before you can say anything, you’re casually lifted up and brought to your bed. As if he’s been doing it his entire life, the Kenpo master tucks you in and pulls out an apron from his bag. “I’ll check what ingredients you already have in your pantry and go buy the rest. Before that, I’ll make you a tea. Any preferences?” You open your mouth to speak, but he’s already walking away, describing the best choice of drink for the common cold. Really, the best thing you can do right now is to rest and leave everything else to him.

Katsumi Orochi

Usually, Katsumi will avoid using the spare key you’ve given him. On the other hand, he was supposed to pick you up for your regular date night and you haven’t answered his persistent knocking, so you leave him little choice. He quietly apologizes for the intrusion as he unlocks the door and tiptoes his way in. The lights are off and he’s becoming increasingly anxious, almost sprinting to your bedroom. He stops in his tracks once he sees you buried under the blankets, passed out and sweaty from an obvious cold.

Ah. Well, that makes sense. He smiles to himself and gently pats your forehead to make sure it’s nothing serious, then sneaks out of the room. You wake up hours later, groggy and sore. It suddenly occurs to you that you’ve slept through your date and jolt up, nearly collapsing in the process. You erratically search for your phone and call Katsumi to apologize. Simultaneously you hear his ringtone nearby, so you limp outside, confused. As you reach the kitchen, a pleasant smell invades your nostrils. Katsumi turns to look at you. “You’re awake! I made something to help with your cold. I’ll bring it to your bed, so you can go back and rest. We can’t skip our romantic dinner.” He chuckles after the last statement.

Pickle

Pickle has been ill at least once in his life, so he can quickly guess that your coughing and runny nose is not something that’s supposed to happen on the regular. Although, if he’s honest, he has no idea what he should do. He’d deal with his sickness by just sleeping it out, or downright ignoring it. Seeing you like this, however, fills him with an overwhelming desire to help you. He does love you, after all. Witnessing your suffering isn’t something he does with ease.

He manages to gesture the situation to Baki, who follows him back to your place and proceeds to do the first aid he’d sporadically learned over the years. A rather clumsy attempt, but it’s better than nothing. Once Pickle has observed the steps, he swiftly shoos the young boy away. All he needed was a little bit of demonstration, some brief instruction on the modern ways. Everything else will be done by him. It’s only proper that the actual care is performed by your partner. You’re a little afraid of the potential outcome to this experiment. Especially once you hear the loud rattles coming from the kitchen. Don’t worry, it’s all made with love.

*My partner has insisted that I include Yuujirou Hanma just to say that he’d tenderly piss on you. I compromised on a footnote.

[amyintherapy]

Things I've Learned in 18 months of therapy

When people repeat the same patterns of behavior that are more negative than positive, it's usually trauma related. Examples: Your sister who has dated 15 different men who all are emotionally unavailable, short-fused guys who don't respect her. Or your aunt who has gotten into severe debt several times in her life, always buying items she doesn't need. Or your friend who has always befriended people who are not disabled but don't work and chronically need 'favors' so they end up allowing people to mooch off them to the point of it harming their own financial security. Basically anytime you find yourself frustrated and wondering 'why do they always DO that?" or "why don't they just do X instead? They always do Y which just makes things worse..." the answer likely is, they have trauma related to this issue, and/or their behavior is related to their trauma response that they are stuck in. Of course, this is true for you also! If you keep reacting to certain situations in a way you dislike, or going back to a coping method that you see as harmful and can't figure out why you can't stop...it's probably trauma related in some way.

Part of being traumatized involves your brain trying to hide the trauma from you..at least most of it, if not all of it. My therapist has used the example of a piece of paper that is standing upright. You might see the fine edge of the paper, so you sometimes know a piece of paper is in front of you, but you can only see the edge, so when that paper finally gets turned so that it's facing you and you can read everything written on it, it kinda knocks you over and you feel like you should have known all of that all along...after all, the paper was right there. But you couldn't read it before, and you didn't even know there was all that writing on it anyway so you didn't realize such a big piece of your puzzle was missing. In other cases, the paper may be more like...trapped in a book, so it was always there, but you had no idea it was as you thought it was just part of the book, not this hand-written note hidden inside. So anyway, it's very normal to feel shocked at how lacking in awareness you were about the full impact or detail of your trauma once you get on a roll with therapy. I always knew I had trauma, and I've always been a self-reflective person...so I thought I was self aware of my trauma. But I've been surprised at how much I was failing to see fully.

ADHD is stupidly named. Having ADHD doesn't mean you have a deficit of attention. It means you can't control (aka regulate) your attention the way most people can. Tons of people with ADHD would tell you that they feel like they have too much attention. They are interested in ALL the things which is why they struggle to keep their focus on one thing while blocking out everything else going on around them. The things you do that cause you problems, were things you originally did to protect yourself. For example, maybe your addiction started because you were reaching for emotional relief and had no other (healthier) way to make yourself feel better. Or maybe you shut down and isolate when you're hurt, because when you tried reaching out for support as a child it just made things worse because your caregiver was reactive instead of supportive. Endless examples, but people do things for a reason. Your coping methods have a logical cause of some kind or another, even if they do more harm than good now, that wasn't always the case. At one time, they helped you cope with or avoid some bigger pain or problem. Depression and anxiety are both forms of avoiding other feelings. Much of general society knows the concept that "anger is a secondary emotion" (which is only sometimes true, it's also a core emotion) but I didn't know this was true of anxiety and depression. They're always secondary emotions. However, it's important to differentiate between sadness and depression, and fear and depression. Fear and sadness/grief are core emotions, but anxiety and depression are secondary. The fact that I am detail-focused and couldn't be concise if my life depended on it, are both ADHD related for me. Social anxiety is usually attachment trauma aka an insecure attachment. Anxiety and depression are often caused by trauma. I wish I knew this earlier. I spent a lot of time thinking of my anxiety was simply genetic or sort of temperament based and therefore unlikely to be healed or fixed. I don't mean to suggest that genetics or temperment isn't some element but...I can't help but wonder how many people are like me and don't realize they could heal a lot of their anxiety or depression by doing trauma work. I'm definitely still an anxious person, but I've seen a really big improvement in my anxiety. More than I thought was possible two years ago. Most kids and teenagers are avoidant in therapy, so they don't usually see as much progress from the experience, at least compared to adults. It's often a rather slow process to see improvement. However, it's still really helpful in the longrun if they have a positive experience with therapy as a teen, they're likely to try again as an adult when they're really ready to face their issues. Online, I've seen child therapists outright say that their #1 goal with kids in therapy is to make them think of therapy positively so they'll come back to therapy when they're older! I saw some progress in therapy as a teen for sure, but the 4+ years of it resulted in roughly as much (if not less?) progress than I've seen in 18 months of therapy as an adult. Apparently that's quite common. Talking about trauma feels awful, and it often makes me leave trauma-related therapy appointments wondering if there is any point or if i'm just making myself sad. A "okay, I understand this issue I have now was caused by XYZ experience from my past...but wtf do I DO about it? I understand it now, but I still have no clue how to fix it?" type of feeling. This is the result of being too close to the current day to see the full picture. Over the course of time, the benefits and healing always become apparent to me.

People who get angry often are sort of the opposite of me. I default to feeling anxious when I "should" feel angry (like when someone is rude to me), and sometimes also when I 'should' be sad. Most people who experience chronic anger are simply people who are converting their fear and/or sadness into anger. It's sometimes the difference between being an internalize and an externalize. Anger is an external emotion, fear/anxiety is an internal one. So if you struggle to externalize, you'll convert anger to sadness or fear, and if you struggle to internalize you'll convert sadness and fear to anger.

My "small t" traumas - like emotional neglect, are at least as impactful as my "big T" trauma (sexual abuse) was.

Sensory issues are common in ADHD, not just autism even though the content online often makes it seem exclusive to ASD.

I am probably forgetting a lot, but if I don't publish this now I never will. So if I think of more later, I'll just add on. :)

[project-sekai-facts]

VBS event teaser commentary

Welcome back, it has been *checks calendar* 8 months since I was last able to do one of these jeez. Anyway, this will be a bit different to the ones I've done in the past, since rather than trying to predict what the event will be about, we already know. This is more of me trying to guess what will be in this event and what will be in VBS' next arc.

(TL by Project SEKAI ENG on twt)

(TLs from here onward by lozy bug on YT)

This event will have VBS finally surpassing RAD WEEKEND!!! This has been their primary goal since the start of the story, however more recently it has become more of a stepping stone for them in order to go beyond it. BREAK DOWN THE WALL has a lot of talk about how RW is a step for VBS before they go and do their own thing. It also is the obstacle blocking their SEKAI from expanding fully, in the form of a wall (hence the event title), which is also referenced in the event synopsis. The wall has started to crack with them honing their skills and resolve, but won't fully crumble until VBS can go beyond Nagi's dream.

Now all the way back to LUTF. Specifically the Nagi flashback section. So Nagi's dream was always for RADder to go on and reach a worldwide stage. They were popular in Japan and doing tours, and they had plans to do stuff overseas, but Nagi fell ill and died before any of this could become a reality. Nagi is like, the most important person in VBS' story. Ultimately she's the one who started it all. She decided to hold RW which inspired a whole generation of young people, passing the torch and hoping that they would go beyond what she achieved and do the things she always dreamed of. Without Nagi, there would be no VBS and no Street SEKAI.

So VBS' current goal is to go beyond what Nagi did, which entails VBS reaching around the world. However, the first step right now is to surpass RW. Now for what a lot of people have been asking me all day: is this rushed. Well, we won't really know until the event is out. But, imo, not really? It's been pretty obvious we're leading up to it, and while I thought we would have a few more events, this placement makes some sense (also WLEs are clearly leading up to a soon-ish big lore event so we need to get those sekai expanding lol).

I think some aspects could get rushed though or will happen offscreen. Again. Which was kinda an issue with On Your Feet, their last arc ender (though this was no fault of the writers i'm pretty sure they were not intending to wrap everything up at that point in time but plans were changed kinda last minute... you can tell bc events got insanely long for a bit and some units clearly needed more or less time than they were given). Mainly what comes to mind and what i've seen people talking about is Toya's song writing, and Arata's Whole Thing (& Souma!).

Toya's song writing is undoubtedly going to happen offscreen or in a card story. If it happens in the event itself, it probably will just be something that happens in passing and not given any focus, since this isn't his event. As for Arata (and Souma)? I think Arata will probably come back in this event, just because it feels very wrong to surpass RW without him. How they're going to bring him back? No idea, it was set up in BDTW and vaguely in Toya4 that he would come back in a future Toya event but this now feels like something that won't happen. However I still think the emotional baggage (aka his feelings about Souma and what Taiga said to him) will be dealt with in more detail in a future event, probably Toya5. Also then you can deal with Souma's stuff too, like the song he wrote for Arata that has been a thing since woao. Seriously, this is Toya event stuff, the only way they can get it in here is if they pull an Our Happy Ending and give Toya a dedicated chapter and try and squeeze it all in there. At the same time, I wouldn't be surprised if Arata stays MIA or is limited to a small appearance. It would be a bit disappointing, but there's a lot for the Squad past RW, so he can be there for event that surpasses the event that surpassed RW ig.

So what's next? I seriously suggest reading the epilogue of BDTW, it's only 6 minutes long and talks a lot about VBS' goals from here on out.

Their new SEKAI area takes inspiration from many places worldwide and their cultures and music, and the graffiti is all the names of famous street music events. They conclude that it's a place for teams that take the world. There's also an interesting scene earlier in the event that Miku reflects on here - Nagi's ghost (possibly her actual ghost, possibly a physical incarnation of An's imagination) was walking around the SEKAI, and she was looking at this one specific blank spot on one of the walls. Obviously, that spot was meant for RADder, but they never got to carve their name. VBS' new goal is to do exactly that. Maybe we'll see some travelling from that (where on earth they'd get the money i don't know), or maybe we'll deal with everyone's feelings and unresolved plot points first and Then get on the worldwide stage stuff (probably in the same arc. two if they decide to continue this past 6th anni).

[mybrainproblems]

hello, i'm finales georg...

i don't want to further clutter up the notes on this post while responding to the tags below but the persistence of the "finale is short/scenes are missing/extra ad break” conspiracies drives me absolutely bananas when i've watched the finale ten times and have posted about this A LOT trying to clear things up. (disclaimer that yes, i'm a goddamn destiel shipper but i care about Facts above all.)

ok but this is weird because i'd swear the episode was shorter (11 missing scenes!) but okay. maybe we all mandela effected ourselves into #beleving that. because it felt shorter. but i will die on the hill that it had another ad break. i understand this person has the thing #recorded with ads so i am thinking maybe different ad breaks in different idk time zones??? #because the finale did air an hour earlier in canada so maybe idk i am reaching here but maybe different states or whatever had different #ad breaks??? as for the last minute changes - wasn't the cover band asked for permission to use their version of carry on like a week before #the thing aired??? so even if the episode was 42 minutes and had no additional ad break - which i am side eying but lets say all was normal #i will always say they were changing thing until the absolute last minute (carry on my wayward son X 2 #the crew on the bridge which is not only giant 4th wall breaking but also wow they really got all those people in one place in times of #covid???) #anyway. tinfoil hat stays on sorry guys :/ (via @officialmisha)

short and snarky: there are plenty of real and sourced examples of network homophobia and scripted/directed destiel scenes being cut to point to. we don’t need to make this stuff up just bc the finale wasn’t what we wanted. so it’s not the mandela effect — it’s ppl repeating a conspiracy/rumor bc it supports their narrative and it’s easier and more fun to repeat something that supports a narrative they already believe (misha or something destiel was cut) vs the boring act of fact checking.

longer circumspect answer with links bc like many ppl i am in my debunking era and i rewatched "roblox_oof" last night.

like i said. i've watched the finale ten times. i’ve gone over the episode with a fine toothed comb and posted a detailed breakdown of timing marks on my blog. it’s actually extremely obvious where the ad breaks are once you know roughly where to look for them (they have a longer fade to black instead of a quick cut scene change). there’s no room for extra ad breaks and i think this conspiracy/rumor persists in part bc the episode feels so sparse in terms of cast and the fact that the episode’s momentum hits a barn post (and rebar) less than 20min into an hour-long programming block.

also i’m begging ppl to actually look at that timing mark post. it’s very straightforward and i spent a lot of time on it. i don’t care if ppl plagiarize it at this point if it means this conspiracy stops. i've got almost every second accounted for.

the "eleven missing scenes" that you're thinking of are probably from the finale script of questionable authenticity that @spnscripthunt acquired back in 2021 which can be found here. it's dated as the “final draft” from 11 sep 2020 and filming on 15x20 wrapped on 10 sep 2020. as noted at the bottom of this superwiki page "[the] script came from someone claiming to have been the person who did the closed captions for the show in Russia. There are some indications that it possibly may not be authentic, but this has not been confirmed."

if we go with the possibility that this was a transcript meant for subtitles, the "omitted" scenes were probably written but never filmed since it's the "final draft" and not a color revision (blue, green, yellow, etc). unfortunately, i’ve lost track of where i read it and a preliminary duckduckgo search isn’t bringing it up bc there's a program for script writing called final draft, but iirc the “final draft” version of a script is a transcript of what was filmed (e.g. there are parts of that 15x20 script that ended up being deleted scenes on the DVD). spnscripthunt also has an example of a confirmed final draft for 09x02 (funnily enough, also a dabb-penned ep). if anyone can confirm with a source that i have the purpose of the “final draft” version designation wrong, please let me know! i love being proven wrong with Facts.

i do want to acknowledge that the two “final drafts” do look different from each other and the 15x20 one doesn't look like a “real” final draft script since it lacks the revision/versioning dates that a script would normally have on the cover page. it could be that it was intended for subtitles; there's the chance it's been re-typed to anonymize it if there was anything indicating who the "owner" was, tho that seems a wee bit cloak and dagger to me. and again: it's considered of questionable authenticity. there are some things that don't quite line up but oh dear god i don't want to get even further out into the weeds than i already am.

i won't disagree that it's weird as hell that neoni only got asked about using their cover seven days prior to the episode airing (tiktok here). my personal theory is that they were hoping to get a more expensive song (maybe a zepp song, idk) and didn't manage to secure the rights in the end. again: this is pure conjecture on my part! but i could absolutely see someone working on the show hearing neoni’s cover and liking it and then maybe they were using it as a placeholder until it got down to the wire and they had to make a call/send the ep to networks. because yes, it is baffling they played a song and then a cover of it with only a 40 second break between. (i do actually really like the neoni cover! the placement is just weird and i think it could have worked if they had the kansas version at the beginning and closed with neoni's full cover.)

as to the 4th wall break COVID stuff: robert singer talked with variety magazine about filming the last two episodes and the logistics of filming during a pandemic. whether they should have been filming during a pandemic is a separate discussion but their use of office vs set pods, strict quarantining and daily testing meant that they had zero positive tests in the month they were filming (18 aug to 10 sep). so given all that, i personally don’t think it’s totally out of pocket to have everyone standing outdoors on a bridge for maybe an hour to get a drone shot of them together. (i won’t get into incubation periods and viral load, but if everyone tested negative that day and every day for a month prior, it was a fairly low risk scene to film outdoors and for all we know everyone was masked until the last possible second. there were plenty of outdoor masked protests in 2020 that weren't superspreader events.)

and before anyone brings up “but misha was in vancouver!” i know someone who looked into it and they said no dice, nothing matched up between the backgrounds in those pics and places in vancouver. his statements about “us” going back to set over the summer were pretty generic in hindsight and “we”/"us" could be him or the spn crew generally. unfortunately i’m not able to find those tweets but the use of “we” was likely so as not to give away he wouldn’t be returning to set. (bc we were absolutely casbaited!) and bc it comes up a lot: the "onion field pic" was from when they were filming 15x17 and was not taken while filming 15x19 and 15x20.

besides, it would be ridiculous to go through the financial and logistical headaches of bringing someone into the country to film during a pandemic, only to cut their scenes in the end! honestly, the script is pretty tight when the scenes are given so much breathing room! the only thing i could see being further cut down is The Monologue and even then, i don’t think there was any intent to cut it down given it was filmed in fairly long takes.

i’ve said it many times before, but i believe the finale was fucked long before they returned to set. walker got the green light in sep 2019 and it was being marketed heavily as a “follow on” show to spn given jared’s involvement. the demo they were courting for walker has little to no overlap with the demo for destiel fans — why would they want a finale that catered to a demo they weren't interested in courting? we just went through a historic double strike that exposed so much of the rot of business interests overriding creative vision. this isn't completely unfounded conjecture.

i will not apologize for the length of this bc i wanted to be thorough, but i do want to give context that i think the reason these conspiracies and rumors grind my gears so much is because anyone can fact check all of this. the truth is out there and absolutely none of it is that hard to find. the most time consuming/difficult part of this was finding someone who had a DVR’d copy of the finale from when it aired live and they actually found me themselves after i’d been low key asking around for a year!

and like. i get it. conspiracies are fun. but there are so many sourced instances of network homophobia and destiel being cut that it's like. why is this something folks are hanging onto? the cw is notorious for having upper level meddling with finales bc there's a follow-on show they want to shuffle fans along to and spn is no exception.

[st-alastors-confessional]

Sinners, rejoice!

Exhaultation awaits.

Gather to the fold, turn your gaze from sin, and rid yourself of impurity.

I invite you, dear Sinner, to feast upon my gospel. Join me in the Confessional and expel your truest, darkest desires, so that I may lift you out from the pits of temptation.

Come unto Me.

St. Alastor

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Hey 👋🏽

NB | They/Them | 26yo

So, I post that Good Gay Shit and y’all throw unadulterated thoughts, headcanons, and whatnot into my asks.

That’s it.

[Doesn't have to be filth, but it's always welcomed.]

TAG KEY

#Forgiven: Confessions

#Anon Shares: Whatever doesn’t fit as a Confession

#Admin Confessions: My shit posts

I'll roleplay a "Holier Than Thou" Alastor when answering asks. (Don’t get me wrong, he’s still a demon- it’s just that the outfits make him feel ✨cunty✨)

RadioApple is very very very welcomed here, but honestly- if it Gays, it Stays (just don't be weird about it yall, check the Hard NOs list before sending pls)

HARD NOs

• Sexual assault

• Incest

• Pedophilia

• Racism (Remember and respect that Alastor is a Creole man)

• Homophobia

• Transphobia

• Beastiality

You will be BLOCKED if I get even a WHIFF of this shit.

If you somehow missed it in my bio:

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

I will not interact with asks from ageless blogs.

Also, please don't come here to lecture me or anyone else on this blog about real world religion. I've done my time, and had my fill.

Now I write fanfiction about boys topless, oiled up, kissing each other probably.

This blog is just for fun- have a go!

Which brings me to my final point: I will also casually filth dump on here if and when the spirit moves me.

Man's gotta scrub their brain of Unholy Shit too.

Anyways, welcome to the Confessional and enjoy your time here x

I look forward to speaking with you.

~ Quick addition! ~

Because this has happened quite a few times already, I’d like to make it clear:

Please DO NOT send real world shit into my asks. I won’t interact with people’s real life trauma.

It’s a huge mental and emotional load for me to answer heavy shit, plus vicarious trauma exists, and that’s not the goal of this blog.

Keep it fun, y’all ❤️

If you need help, please seek your local GP or mental health professional, or reach out to friends and family. There is no shame or harm in doing so. We all need help, it’s part of being human x

Thanks again, my dears.

- Admin

[donnerpartyofone]

Recent Incidents of Inappropriate IRL-Internet Intermingling:

On Instagram I posted (only half-jokingly) that LONGLEGS is just like that grade-Z Tiny Tim movie BLOOD HARVEST, and somebody with a username that's just a random-looking character string replied that they HATE ME for it. I was thinking wtf you HATE ME? That seems a little extreme from a total stranger. And then I looked and realized it's my husband's #1 most misogynistic friend who has always been visibly uncomfortable with me because I'm a girl who is also a nerd and I have had professional nerd jobs and I know more about some stuff than he does. (He wasn't trying to hide his identity, I just didn't instantly realize it was him) Now he has started regularly leaving comments that he probably thinks count as friendly, but it's always some insult about how I'm doing something wrong, or I went to a bar before the weekend, or just anything that could be an insult that I can't respond to without seeming oversensitive. I just ignore them all, which I'm sure annoys him.

LinkedIn told me that an ex-friend who I had a really bad falling out with viewed my profile. I'm sure she wasn't looking for me, LinkedIn is good at making it weirdly unavoidable to look at or "connect with" people. I was in a long relationship with someone who was (among many other horrible things) cheating on me elaborately as a spectator sport for the enjoyment of his friends/coworkers/bosses (yes, bosses), and when we finally broke up I was just so happy that I never had to even see the face of his super gross-sounding mistress. And then, even though I'm sure I unfollowed/blocked my ex everywhere, LinkedIn tried to make me connect with her, so I had to see her shitty rattyass face. At least I didn't think she was hot at all but I was so fucking pissed. But anyway, with my old friend it wasn't that we got in a fight, we were just growing apart quickly and she did something pretty bad and I reacted pretty badly and we just stopped talking without discussion. I'm not proud of how it went down, but the friendship definitely had to end. Part of me is a little afraid the LinkedIn viewing is the prelude to her trying to communicate somehow. I really don't need closure and I wouldn't want to repair the relationship, like I think she's a decent person and I wish her well but I wouldn't be at all interested in having a conversation. If she actually reached out for that and I turned her down I would feel like a huge fucking coward and it's arguable that I owe her more than that, but I don't know. I don't think there would be any point to it. I've narrowed down my range of friends a lot over the past several years and I'm pretty happy with the way things are now. Fuckin LinkedIn.

[silly-thinkings]

AGFC pt.5

A/n: Last chapter for now. I'm happy with this kind of conclusion. I've been feeling a bit down lately with my writing. like... insecure about it. I have all these W.I.Ps and Ideas but I don't think I got that oomph that I had when I started this blog ya know. If Im going to continue this series then it'll probably follow Young Justice season 3. Maybe Y/n will make an appearance in season 2 with Kaldure ya know. Anyway! Enjoy, let me know what you think :) Stay hydrated! Drink water plz

Y/n knew Jason was dead. It didn’t matter how fast her father was on his batmobile. She did the math, he won’t get there in time. Y/n sat in an isolated room, no different from the one Clark had put her in all those years ago. Except this time she was in the bat cave. She scratched at her inhibitor collar as she reflected on all the memories that Megan had stolen from her. No wonder Lex was after her, she was talented. Her fighting style was unmatched. With the right pressure points her opponent can lose control of their arm. A simple tap on a nerve and they’re out of the fight. Suddenly the door opened revealing Alfred holding on to a tray of cookies. A dry laugh escaped the girl before she turned her body to face away from the butler. 

“Lady Y/n-”

“Bruce will be mad at you if you’re here. He might disown you Alfie.”

Alfred closed his eyes. It pained him to see her like this. He placed the tray down and took a seat behind her. She felt his presence, but more importantly she felt a slight draft coming into her cell. 

“I’ll speak to Bruce about this. Y/n understand that you are an amazing girl. Capable of so much good in the world.”

Now y/n felt tears swell her eyes “I’m a weapon Alfred. Do you think someone dressed like this saves people? Ha! And what of that Martian girl. She gets a slap on the wrist for messing with our memories.”

Alfred was about to say something but The sound of Tim’s voice echoed in the cave. 

“Bruce said not to talk to her till he got back.”

That finally set her off. Y/n closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was going to save Jason. Then she’ll run away. Forget this family. Forget everyone! 

Y/n quickly stood and Jammed two fingers along Alfred’s shoulders stunning the man. She then applied pressure to other parts of his back and arms successfully subduing him. Alfred fell to the floor as numbness seeped throughout his body. he looked back in shock as Y/n grabbed a cookie that had fallen and fled the cell. But she wasn’t in the clear yet. She needed to get the inhibitor color off. Tim took a stance infront of where the key cards were held.

“You’re not getting pass me Y/n”

Tim didn’t expect her to move so fast. He was able to block and evade some of her moves but as soon as she applied pressure on his calves he fell over. 

“Pressure points works wonders when your facing an opponent bigger than you Timmy.” Y/n successfully knocked the teen out. She reached for the keycard and removed the collor. In an instant her powers returned. 

“Don’t miss y/n please.”

Y/n flew to the door, looking down at the only man who showed up to all her events. Who fed her, to took care of her with all his heart. “I’m sorry Alfred. Goodbye.”

***

Y/n couldn’t believe she actually made it. Her flight was slow but by pushing her feet against the air using her strength she was able to speed as fast as she ever could. It created a popping sound with every step, greatly satisfying her.  Y/n broke into the safe house. Jason layed limp on the floor, y/n heard the sound of ticking. She frantically looked for the bomb. 

“N-no time” Jason gasped for air, he didn’t know who was there to save him but he’s sure glad they’re here.

Y/n seemingly ignored his cry and continued searching. She was good at disarming bombes. Y/n confidently pulled out the bomb and clipped the right wire successfully stopping the threat. The girl laughed, she did it. She saved her brother. Y/n flew to Jason and grabbed under his arms. “Sorry Jay. I don’t know how to carry you properly. But I disarmed the bomb so we’re good.”

Y/n felt Jason’s body relax slightly as she dragged him out the door. It was then that she heard another beeping sound. Then another. Panicked she followed them to the walls of the shed. There were more. Was the bomb a trap? 

Tick

Tok

Tik tik tok tik

“Y/n? What’s wrong.” Jason attempted to sit up but his broken bones sent pain throughout his body.”

“No. This wasn’t suppose to happen I. There’s more bombs. I can’t disarm them all. I… what.”

Y/n felt dizzy as the flush of sounds overwhelmed her again. Seemingly from every angle in the world. Jason crawled towards his younger sister. He accepted his fate but she gave him hope. Here he was thinking he was a failure. The motion happened so quick y/n cradled herself into a ball again pressing her ears together. She felt Jason enveloping her in a hug. “I got ya kid.”

*Boom*

~~~

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~

Y/n fluttered her eyes open. Snow fell from the sky. A mixture of white with black soot fell atop her nose.

Thump-thump

She heard the sound of a drum. When she tried to get up she noticed an arm over her.

Thump…. Thump.

No. It wasn’t a drum it was a heartbeat. Y/n frantically got to her knees to look down at her Brother. His mask and costume ripped. She herself felt pain along the side on her body. But no injury could amount to what she was facing.

“No… no no Jason no hang on. I’ll get help. I’ll find dad. I- I can still-“

Thump

Thump

“You- so cool-“ Jason attempted to smile. There was nothing she could do. It pained him to leave her like this. Y/n placed both of her hands on her face. Then to his chest. She can hear every pop and crackle from his broken bones. 

Thump 

…..

“Jay…. Speak to me. Please.” 

Y/n didn’t scream. She was tired of that. Jason probably wouldn’t want that. She hugged her brother as the sobs grew louder. This wasn’t suppose to happen. She was suppose to prove to everyone that she was capable of being a hero. How could she explain this to Bruce? What would Connor think?

“What have you done?”

The dark knights deep voice made y/n freeze. She looked up, she felt tiny when looking at her armored father “He… protected me. I tried to save him I… I tried to-“

“What you did is got him KILLED Y/n!”

Y/n flinched. He never raised his voice like this.

Bruce realized his mistake. He walked towards them but Y/n frantically shuffled back. Just like she did Clark. 

“You think I killed him? Ha…hahaha” 

0 hours till Y/n Wayne Broke.

Y/n pressed her hands over her eyes “where were you! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN WE NEED YOU.” She looked up to see Bruce walking away with Jason. Not looking back at her at all “You never show up. And when you do YOUR LATE.” 

Bruce turned to see y/n roll frantically on the grounds. Her laughter and pained screams haunted him.

“We’re just your solders. That’s why Dick left.” Y/n felt a different kind of pressure well up in her eyes. She looked to the sky and saw red. 

Bruce watched as y/n shot lasers out of her eyes. He closed his eyes 

“I’m sorry” he whispered. Bruce left with Jason, his priorities shifting.

Y/n heard him but she didn’t care. For a being who hears everything, that comment fell on deaf ears. For the first time she was alone. Was she free? She didn’t know. Y/n closed her eyes. She rose from the ground like a ghost and flew to the only person who’d maybe treat her fine. 

***

Lex finished his nightly skin care routine. Feeling refreshed and ready for the day. What he didn’t expect was to find Y/n floating behind him. He let out a squeal before realizing it was the clone. Her eyes shut. Outfit ripped and burned. Blood dripping from her side as impailed glass seemingly pulsaded from her.

“You said I was a weapon they feared.” She said in a low tone. 

She was broken. Lex smiled, he didn’t think it would work that fast. What must’ve happened to have this girl seek comfort from him of all people. Lex opened his arm. 

“Come child. Together we can show them.” 

Y/n slowly flew into his arms. No tears left to shed. Drifting off to sleep. 

Epilogue 

Bruce returned to the cave with Jason in his arms. His shoulders felt heavy, he’d failed his children like never before. Alfred quickly ran to his side but no words were exchanged. Bruce looked up at the butler, the pain in his eyes was severe. 

The sound of the zeta tube chimed. Connor practically ran through with Tim close behind. 

“I tried to stop him but-“

Both boys saw Jason. Connor noticed the lack of his sister. 

“Where is she? What happened?”

Tim began shaking his head as he fell to the ground. Impossible she’s half Kryptonian. Alfred frowned aswell. 

Connor clenched his fists “BRUCE! Where is my sister.” He too had time to reflect on his stolen memories, and he felt stupid. How didn’t he know she did something to them. 

“I’m sorry… she’s gone.” 

Alfred covered his mouth. Guilt began to sink in. 

“N-no… no.” Connor fell to his knees. 

On that day, Two members of the bat family were declared dead.

[catboyfics]

Lure [part I]

oh my god thank you so much when i saw your request appear i literally got so happy

i started from before the king of spades appeared cause that made it more interesting, but also made it quite a bit longer, so i've split it into two parts. the second part will be when the actual fighting starts.

you also have a great day/night :D

𝑴𝑨𝑺𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻

𝑷𝑨𝑹𝑻 𝑰𝑰

𝑭𝑨𝑵𝑫𝑶𝑴: Alice In Borderland

𝑷𝑨𝑰𝑹𝑰𝑵𝑮: chishiya x gn reader

𝑮𝑬𝑵𝑹𝑬 & 𝑾𝑨𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮𝑺: angst; gender neutral reader; spoilers for aib season 2, violence (nothing too bad yet), death

𝑾𝑶𝑹𝑫𝑺: 4k

You'd been following Niragi for quite a while now. You'd seen what he's like. You'd seen what he's like. He disgusted you, but it took you by surprise when he stopped.

There was an overhead, blocking you from the light. You were on one side, with him on the opposite end. He faced away from you, towards an open area - a street crossing, you thought. You reached towards your gun, hanging from it's holster at your hip.

Carefully, you pulled it out, careful to be quiet as to not alert Niragi that you were there.

Suddenly, there were gunshots and you jumped. You peeked out from behind the pillar, but Niragi still was facing away from you.

"Yo!" You heard him shout, and you peeked out again. In the distance, you could vaguely make out a figure. The man you'd been following seemed occupied so you decided to approach.

Carefully, gun in hand, you made your way under the overhead, rubble crunching ever so slightly under you feet.

"It makes me pretty damn happy to run into you here." He continued, his voice booming. He sounded dangerous, malice dripping from every word.

You stepped forward again, ducking behind trucks and other vehicles to avoid being seen. You didn't think he would turn around, but you could never be too careful, especially with someone like him.

From you closer position, you could vaguely make out the one who Niragi was talking to. They were tall and wearing a white shirt. At first, nobody came to mind, but you quickly realized that the description matched Arisu.

Your eyes widened, and you inhaled sharply. Niragi was shooting at Arisu, and maybe someone else as well. That wasn't good.

"You intentionally didn't kill me with that shot." You heard someone say. This voice, you immediately recognized as Chishiya. Your expression soured, what he'd said to you before clouding your mind.

You'd only ever been anything but kind to him, but he was always brushed you off. He seemed annoyed with you, for no reason at all. It pissed you off.

"I wasn't going to end this with a surprise attack." Niragi declared in response to Chishiya's words. "Okay, let's begin: a game of shootout. Now that the three of us are back together, that seems most suitable."

You tensed up. Between players? What was the point? You understood that Niragi was angry, or maybe just insane, but that would only reverse the progress you had all struggled to make.

"A game between players?" Chishiya asked, voicing your thoughts out loud. You crept closer, their conversation interesting you profoundly.

"The three of us are very similar." Niragi started, "We're oddballs who can't fit in with society. Even so, our need to feel alive is much greater than most people's."

And then, Niragi coughed again, what was likely blood splattering against the ground. Finally, you figured out what was probably the reason why he was proposing this.

He was dying anyways. And he wanted to drag as many people down with him, to go out with a bang.

"I haven't got much time left, so let's do this." He declared as you exited the overhead. There was a building of some sort, it's intended purpose now lost to vegetation. You rushed there, hiding behind it. Niragi didn't seem to notice, but you couldn't guarantee anything for Arisu and Chishiya, and whoever else might be there.

"As kindred spirits, join me in one final game!" He cried manically before tossing one of his guns on the ground near Chishiya.

From your new spot, you could see better. Chishiya was lying on the ground, clearly hit by the bullets released earlier by Niragi. Arisu was standing facing the ex-militant, a shotgun hanging off his shoulder.

There was movement in the corner of your eye, making you look over. You could see Chishiya getting up to go grab the gun a few feet in front of him on the grass.

"I like it." He declared, hand still resting on his side. That must've been where he got shot. "Join us, Arisu."

Arisu was clearly surprised that Chishiya was on board with Niragi's plan. In all honesty, so were you, but you didn't know what he went through. Maybe it would be better for the white-haired man to die, anyways. It was clear he didn't have any empathy.

"I'm sure you despise me as well. Use this opportunity to take revenge." He continued. "Let's play a game, the three of us."

"Are you insane?" Arisu asked in a shaking voice, nervously grasping his shotgun. You tensely held your own gun, standing defensively, peeking out from behind the wall of the building.

"Come on, you've got a gun too. Take aim!" Niragi persuaded, taking a couple of shaky steps towards Arisu.

"Do we really have to do this?" The man trailed off wearily, swaying ever so slightly.

All of a sudden, a gunshot echoed through the crossing, making you jump. Another, though quieter, one echoed. You peeked out again from your hiding spot and say both Niragi and Chishiya shooting at Arisu as he ducked behind a car.

The ex-militant jumped aggressively onto another car, shooting at Chishiya as he rushed behind a red car.

Bullets exploded out of Niragi's gun, the gunshots echoing out through the area, making you jump each time.

"Niragi! Stop this!" Arisu cried. You couldn't see him because of the car blocking his form. He likely couldn't see you either, so you rushed out of the building behind you, using the gunshots to cover any noise you may make.

"I'm simply doing what I want, the way I want!" Niragi started, "You guys are the same! It's always 'me!' with you two, it's always about what you want! You aren't experts on life just because you saw a bunch of people die! 'Living for others'? That's such bullshit! All we really care about is our own selves! As long as it's good for us, that's all we really need!"

Everything went quiet. No one said a word. Niragi was right. You all did only live for yourselves. People had died because of you. You had hurt others, you weren't good people. That didn't mean you should kill each other, though.

"Yeah." Arisu finally said. "You may be right. Killing each other here might just be appropriate for us."

You gritted your teeth. If Arisu gave into this bullshit, they would all die. You couldn't let that happen.

"You're all idiots!" You yelled, aiming your gun for Niragi's calf. Grimacing, you pulled the trigger, the force of the gun making you stumble backwards.

The bullet nestled itself in Niragi's leg, making him stumble on the car and eventually fall to one knee. You hated using guns.

"Sure, we deserve to die! Niragi surely does! But by resigning ourselves to death, the only thing we're doing is being cowards! I don't know about you, but I've regretted enough of my life. I'm done with that shit! If I'm going to die, it won't be in cowardice, it'll be in an attempt to protect those dear to me!"

You gun was still pointed at Niragi, clammy hands grasping it and you finger hovered over the trigger. You wouldn't die here. Not now.

Suddenly, you saw Arisu stand up from the corner of your eye.

"I'm not doing this." He declared. "I won't pull this trigger just to help myself." A dark humor made itself apparent in his voice, making you laugh darkly.

"This shit is ridiculous. I don't care about your shitty fantasy, asshole." You spat at Niragi, gun still pointed at his face.

It was quiet. Nothing was said. Niragi looked back and forth between you and Arisu, face blank with surprise. His gun was still pointed at Arisu, but his arm was relaxed, not ready to shoot.

"That sure put a damper on things." Niragi said with a chuckle, his gunning arm dropping down to his side.

"Arisu?" You heard a voice call, recognizing it as Usagi. "What are you doing?"

You chuckled darkly. What were you doing? It was all pointless, you couldn't believe the people you respected most were nearly dragged down with Niragi.

"Oh yeah... There was you too." Niragi said slowly, voice dripping with contempt as he raised his gun again, aimed at Usagi. He shot at her feet, missing her by mere inches as she jumped to the side, another bullet rushing at her.

"You asshole." You growled under your breath.

"Stop it! Usagi has no part in this!" Arisu screamed as he aimed the shotgun over the car, pointed right at Niragi.

"Every game needs a heroine to make it more exciting!" The ex-militant cried manically, and at this point, you were sure he'd gone insane.

"When the two of you are dead, the three of us can go back to being kindred spirits!" He yelled, looking crazily between you and Usagi. "I can't stand to be alone anymore." He said finally, quietly, before raising his gun to point to Usagi.

And then the sound of his gun firing rung into your ears, the man before you turning quietly and pointing his gun at you. Anger fueled you, rushing through you veins like lava.

You shot him in the shoulder, face blank as his own bullet grazed your cheek. Arisu had shot him as well, blasting him off the car. He landed pathetically to your right, you walked over to him and stepped on his wound, making him groan.

You grimaced, stepping dismissively over him as you rushed over to help Usagi, wiping your cheek on your sleeve on the way. Right as you mind cleared, you saw that Usagi didn't get shot. Chishiya had stepped into the way.

You cursed, starting to run. He couldn't die, he was an asshole, but he was important. You rushed over, ready to help him. Blood stained the side of his shirt as he grimaced, but otherwise, he seemed fine.

You breathed a sigh of relief, shoulders shaking as you took another step closer to him.

Arisu both rushed over, Usagi walking around from behind. He gingerly lifted his shirt up, showing that the bullet had grazed his side.

"Hey..." Arisu started, suddenly remembering that Chishiya never finished what he'd been saying. "What were you going to tell me earlier?"

"Chishiya made a noise suggesting he'd forgotten and had just remembered. "Oh, yeah."

"To me," He started, "people who live life seriously seem like fools. Those people who strive so hard... I just want to curse them. All their goodwill was repugnant to me. But I must've been jealous. They had what I didn't. It seemed like they were criticizing me for being such a vain and vulgar person. I was afraid of them."

The monologue sent chills down you spine. You nodded solemnly.

"I get what you mean." Arisu said sadly. You looked down, knowing the feeling all too well.

"Guys..." Usagi started, her voice shaking. "The King of Spades is coming."

You all looked up, the blimp overhead.

"Shit..." you cursed, you'd thought you would finally get a break. "We need to go."

Usagi went with Arisu and Chishiya went with you, hiding behind cars and trucks, trying to find cover from the King of Spades' guns.

Your gun was heavy in your hand. You could see from your side of the street that Arisu had kept the shotgun, and Chishiya was holding the pistol he'd been given by Niragi.

"We should try to find the others!" You shouted across the street to Usagi and Arisu, seeing them both nod back.

You kept running, continuously hiding behind vehicles and the sides of building.

"We can't go farther until the King of Spades is defeated! We need to kill him!" Usagi declared, looking nervously at you and Chishiya. You looked towards him, gaze anxious.

"We should at least try." He whispered. You nodded, looking across the street to Usagi.

"Let's do it!" You yelled, hand tightening anxiously around the gun. You and Usagi made eye contact before rushing up ahead, trying to get to where the King was.

Suddenly, Arisu yelled. "Kuina! An!" You looked up ahead, and, lo and behold, there they were.

They looked around for a moment before seeing you, starting to run towards Arisu and Usagi.

You decided to make your way across the street to communicate better.

"Are you guys okay?" You asked once they arrived, receiving a nod.

"It's so good to see you guys though. Good to know you're all okay." Kuina said, breathing heavily from running from the King.

"Yeah, you too." Usagi agreed.

"The King of Spades is trying to end things here." An said once things had calmed down slightly and greetings had been exchanged.

"Let's defeat the King together." Kuina finished for her, making everybody nod in agreement.

"We were thinking the exact same thing." Usagi said.

Suddenly, the King shot at the car you were hiding behind. You peeked over the top of the car, seeing him approaching. He was always so calm, keeping a walking pace.

You gulped, clammy hands gripping the gun tightly. You had to end it here.

Three other players sprinted to the car beside you, trying to hide behind it. Two of them made it, but the other was gunned down before they could get out of the way of the bullets.

You gulped, peeking over the top of the car again and seeing the King even closer. You gestured to everyone to go, sprinting away from the King.

You made it to another car, hiding behind it to catch your breath, when you noticed Chishiya gesturing for you to go to him. You took another deep breath and sprinted as fast as you could.

He'd been kinder to you recently. You weren't sure why, maybe he grew up a bit and realized that having enemies in this god forsaken country wasn't a good idea.

You made it to Chishiya, who was only one or two cars in front of you when An tripped. You stopped, turning back to check on her.

The King was only three or four meters away from her, making you cry out.

"An!" You heard Arisu say as well, making Kuina stop.

The King approached her menacingly, you raising your gun in an attempt to save her.

She took out her own gun, trying to shoot him in a desperate attempt but he grabbed it away. She tried to scramble to her feet when the King grabbed her shirt and shot aimlessly at Arisu and Usagi, forcing them to move out of the way.

Just as you were about to shoot, the side mirror of a car hit the King's head. Kuina kicked it, you put together. Finally, the King's attention was drawn away from An, giving her a chance to grab her gun and run off, hiding behind the car you and Chishiya were behind.

"You alright?" You asked, An nodding in reply.

You waited for a little bit, letting An catch her breath. Suddenly, there was a loud noise, like what a car emits. You peeked out from behind the car you hid behind, only to see another car running into the King and driving him into, well, yet another car.

They burst into flames as people stopped hiding to see if the King had finally been killed.

The group who you presumed were in charge of the stunt started celebrating. Then, bullets found their way into their leaders chest. The King wasn't dead quite yet.

From the flames, he stood up. Nothing had caught fire, so you figured his gear must've been fire resistant. He stepped onto the roof of the car that had crashed into him and started shooting at everyone who'd been watching.

You gulped and crouched back down behind cover. You wouldn't die here. Once the shooting finally stopped, you peeked out again and saw that he was taking off his cloak. Underneath it, he was wearing a bulletproof vest and a full face mask.

Then, he took off his mask, revealing a shaved head. It was scarred, and when you looked closer, you realized he only had one functional eye. His appearance sent chills down you spine.

His face was expressionless, emotionless. He felt no guilt, no mercy at killing so many people. You gripped your gun tighter, though it offered no sense of security.

He turned around, his eye finding yours before you ducked into the cover of the car. Eventually, his gaze landed on Arisu and Usagi, who stood petrified, out in the open. He raised his gun, shooting mercilessly. They were only barely able to duck out of the way as they rushed behind a car.

They quickly started running, Arisu ducking behind the cover of a different car to take offensive as Usagi ran, fully utilizing her climbing skills.

Eventually, the shooting stopped as the King had to reload, and Arisu took that chance. He peeked up over the car and took a shot at the King, who rolled out of the way.

Everything was quiet for a while as the King reloaded. Once he was finished, he peeked out from behind the car, gun loaded and ready to fire. Then, suddenly, an arrow shot itself into his side. It penetrated the bulletproof vest, but it didn't get through it.

The girl who had shot the arrow started to load another into her bow when the King started shooting at her, forcing her to run into cover. The King ducked behind the car again to remove the arrow from his vest.

You took the chance to run out of you hiding spot, sprinting down the street. You ducked behind the cover of the cars on your way, gun gripped tightly in your hand, always held close to your chest.

Eventually, there was a building in front of you. You saw Arisu and Usagi duck in, motioning for Chishiya to follow you - at some point, the two of you and An and Kuina had separated. It was dark - the lights weren't on - but it seemed safe and offered good cover.

You rushed in, ducking to the side where you couldn't be seen. Finally, you relaxed the grip on your gun and slid down the wall. You lungs heaved, not used to running so much.

"Jesus..." You muttered under your breath, eyes closing. You'd been having trouble sleeping, and it was a conscious fight not to succumb to rest. You wiped the sweat off your forehead with the back of your hand, taking deep breaths.

Kuina and An came in from the back, putting your mind to rest. Everybody was accounted for, everybody was safe.

"Arisu." Someone called. It was a girl with bow and a quiver of arrows, who you reasoned was the person that had shot the King.

"Heiya." He replied, looking over. They seemed to know each other, though you weren't sure how or why.

"You're Usagi?" The girl - Heiya - asked. Usagi nodded, looking at the newcomer in surprise. "Yes."

"Nice to meet you."

Suddenly, a familiar voice called out. Despite the voice being familiar, it felt like you hadn't heard it in ages.

"He's about to run out of his spare magazines." It was Aguni. You'd known him from the Beach, he'd been the leader of the militants. He should've died in the ten of hearts game, though. It was a miracle he was still alive.

Clearly, the others echoed your own feelings, breaking out into questions. He was probably the best person to fight the King with, though.

"Aguni? How'd you get here?" Usagi asked, watching him confusedly.

He rushed to somewhere with a little more cover from the King before answering.

"I followed you."

It was silent for a little while, the man's words processing through everyone's minds.

"You must like me." Heiya said with a little smile.

Aguni seemed to skip over what the girl said, moving over to get closer to all of you.

"He's still just a human. He's not omnipotent. His guns are the same, they can't be fired forever. When he's out of rounds, he reloads, same as us. The blimp probably sends more round down for him."

"We've got weapons." Arisu remarked, lifting his shotgun. You felt your grip on your gun tighten, a slight reminder it was there. Everybody checked their own weapons, Chishiya having a quick look at the gun he was given by Niragi, Kuina readying her fists, An taking a quick look at her own gun.

You weren't helpless. You had weapons, you had the means to do this.

"But these are all the rounds we've got." Aguni finished your train of thought.

Suddenly, Kuina remembered something. "I've also got this." She said, pulling a can out of her pocket. "A good luck charm." You looked at it questioningly before Chishiya said something.

"Oh yeah. I've already used mine, though."

"It's a bomb Chishiya made." Kuina answer the silent question hanging in the air.

"What good is that?" Aguni scoffed, looking at Chishiya.

"Lure him in and use it close." The man answered quickly. "It's made with kerosene, shoot it and it'll go."

"So an ANFO bomb." An remarked.

"That won't make much of an explosion." Aguni challenged. It wouldn't but if you could find, maybe, something flammable, like alcohol it would work great. Maybe if you lured the King to a gas station? You weren't quite sure.

Arisu answered your question for you. "There's a drugstore over there. If it's closed off and filled with aerosol fumes, the explosion will be amplified." He finished with a proud grimace.

"You sure of that?" Aguni said skeptically.

"Maybe." Arisu answered back. It wasn't a foolproof plan, everyone would have to play their parts.

"In other words, someone has to lure him in there." Kuina put together.

"Yeah." Arisu agreed. "I'll wait in the store for him and set it off." That was even riskier, though. If he was in the store when the bomb went off, he'd surely die.

"You'd die." You said warily, not ready for such a loss. Usagi seemed to have the same thought as you, saying something similar.

"No." He said confidently. "I'll get away."

"How?" Chishiya challenged amusedly.

"On the second floor," he started, a slight grin appearing as his plan formed. "Even if I'm blown outside, I can still survive." There was a little while of silence while he gauged the other's reactions to his plan before he added something on. "Maybe."

Chishiya nodded, and you agreed. It was reasonable, probably wouldn't kill him. Might seriously injure him enough to get him killed later on, though.

"This is nothing but 'maybe's." Heiya remarked suspiciously. It wasn't the best plan, no, but it was probably the best you had.

"It's worth betting on his maybe's, though." Aguni argued.

"Let's not bet too much, though. This plan isn't foolproof, it'll probably go wrong at some point. One or two people should stay back and interfere if it's going to shit." You declared, gaze sweeping over everybody as they looked at you.

"I can do that." Chishiya said, offering you a his signature grin.

"I'll join him, then." Kuina decided.

"Now that we have our two people to stay back, who's going to be the decoy?"

"This time, I'll be the decoy." Aguni said to Arisu, clearly referencing something in their shared past.

"It's reckless to lure him alone." Usagi noticed.

"I'm enough." Aguni pushed, but Usagi stayed put.

"Let's all be decoys." She finally decided. You were up for it, you were far from weak. Everyone else seemed to echo your feelings, - except Chishiya and Kuina of course - nodding.

Aguni scoffed, clearly defeated. He rolled his eyes, but otherwise, seemed on board with the plan.

"Okay. Let's go."

i'm so sorry this ended up getting so long and i didn't want to have a huge wall of text so i'm splitting it into two parts, i hope it's ok so far though :)

remember to drink water :>

[lamuradex]

Silent Saturday Tag

Thanks for the tag, @agirlandherquill. Sounds like a fun new game.

Rules: Write something without any dialogue, inner dialogue aka thoughts is allowed but that's it, thoughts and actions, to keep the scene/snippet/whatever you wish 'silent'

Now, this is playing into my wheelhouse, honestly. I do a lot of internal rambling for characters. While I know it says to write something, I'd be a fool not to use a bit from one of my books.

And since I've said October is the month for Stitches of the Mind, that's what I'm going with. The opening to Chapter One.

Tammy stood with a bouquet of white lilies, unwrapped and clenched in her hand. They were quite beautiful, she thought, but they likely wouldn’t last. It was supposed to rain heavily later and the downpour would utterly ruin them.

Not that it mattered. This was mostly just routine by this point. She knelt down and put the flowers on the grave, keeping her gaze centred on the bouquet. Out of habit though, her eyes drifted upwards. She read the inscribed name.

Rebecca Tanson.

The familiar sensation began behind her eyes. The gentle burning as tears began to form, the grief and pain aching in her chest. The tears spilling down her cheek. Finally, she stood for a moment, one hand on the tombstone, stroking it softly. Then she turned and left.

Tammy was alone in the graveyard as the early sun made its way into the sky. Its rays were blocked by gentle cloud, and the churchyard was cast in the shadow of the steeple, green grass filling the ground between the stones.

And she’d seen it all before. Even as her tears bubbled unbidden, she kept moving, knowing they wouldn’t last long. She found no shame in crying in a graveyard, on the contrary, she knew it was one of the few places where no one would even notice. But she’d been there so many times…

She dabbed her eyes with the sleeve of her coat, walked briskly between the tombstones, and headed out into the surrounding town.

Her route was the same as always. Out from the graveyard and down the hill. Her tears had already settled by the time she reached the bottom, where she crossed the road into town. The streets were quiet. The roads were empty. Even the high-street was unsettlingly silent, despite it being mid-morning.

Not that she was surprised.

Shops were open, but barely staffed. There was no point. People were too scared of the grey, misty mornings to venture out. The mists and what could hide in them. They wouldn’t start appearing until around noon, when business would properly start. And one day, they might stop all together. Then it would just be a silent old town. Quiet streets and quiet stores. And her, if she was still there to see it.

And that's the opening to Chapter One. I need to do more editing, but I'm still happy with this.

Anyway, tags:

@wintherlywords @stephtuckerauthor @fayeiswriting @mikathewriter @sableglass @the-golden-comet

By the way, if anyone doesn't want to be tagged, or alternatively would love to be tagged, feel free to let me know. Currently I'm just tagging Writeblr mutuals, as best as I can work out.

[rowan-mellark]

Everlark After series ✿ ִֶָ ꒰ .⚘.꒱ 🏹

Chapter three - Real?

18+ MDNI!! Unestablished relationship, panic attacks, weapons.

please leave suggestions/ criticism in comments !

Pairing : Katniss Everdeen x Peeta Mellark

Word count : 1k

Summary : Peeta and Katniss go into town to deliver food! (with a little angst)

Authors note : The last chapter did sosososososoo well and I am so grateful for everyone who interacted!!

Chapter two ♡

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜

After a few hours of helping with reconstruction, I went hunting. I know Peeta might be worried If I go without letting him know, but I go anyway, needing some alone time.

I went to the spot on the fence that I used to go through to hunt before the games, which was now significantly bigger. I slip through, walking to the tree where I hide my bow, taking it out along with a quiver of arrows. I sigh, the familiar feeling of the wood on my fingertips bringing back a feeling of normality. It was almost like I was back hunting with Gale before the games. After a few hours of trying to catch game, I decided to go home, where Peeta was already waiting for me.

"You didn't tell me when you left," He says softly.

"Sorry, I Just needed some time to myself," I replied, walking up the steps to him.

"I got some food though, we can bring some to the people in town for lunch."

He nods, and we start to walk. As Peeta and I drop off the meals to our friends, We talk about how we're happy that people are returning to twelve. I didn't think anyone would want to come back with how things were a few months ago, but after a few weeks, most of the people from twelve that were staying in thirteen had come back to help rebuild.

We stop by the building sites to bring lunch to the workers. Peeta, being Peeta, offers his help with rebuilding the medical center and making it function like an actual hospital. I look over at him, taking a mental note of how much he's changed, but at the same time, he hasn't: He still wants to help people.

We continue to make stops at certain families. Families with newborns, sick, elderly, single mothers, etc. Then we head down the path where the bakery used to be. I look around the rubble, we still haven't rebuilt this part of town. There are still glimpses of remnants of the bakery, small things like the broken sign and broken Picture frames. It's only after a few seconds of Peeta's footsteps becoming quiet that I turn to see why he's stopped walking.

"Peeta, we can go home if you want?" I openly suggest, knowing he probably wouldn't want to stay on this street for too long.

He doesn't respond.

It's like he can't hear me, he continues to stare at the bakery, Seemingly getting further away From where we are. I can see his breath start to quicken, the rise and fall of his chest becoming more erratic.

"Peeta," I say again, louder this time.

His arms are tense by his sides, his fingers digging into his palm. The only response 1 get is silence and I finally decide to move in front of him, blocking his vision. I don't know what kind of flashbacks or trauma response he's having, but all I can think to do is stand in front of him.

His breathing gets worse.

He can't see me, hear me, nothing, he isn't here.

I quickly reach out and carefully ease a few bags out of his hands, dropping them onto the floor. After making sure everything is out of his hands I gently take them in mind, slowly running my thumbs across his knuckles.

"Peeta, whatever you're remembering, it isn't real. I'm here, you're safe, you're in twelve. I've got you." I Say, My wards coming out rushed, trying to get them into his head before whatever brainwashed images the capitol fed him does. His eyes finally look up into mine. He's finally seeing me again. His grip on my hands tightens to the point where it hurts but I don't care, I need him to come back fully.

He gives me a pained look and I almost break down at that moment. I slowly and carefully reach behind his neck, pulling him into my arms. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around me as if he was scared to hurt me. I can tell that some of the hijacking is coming into effect, but Im not scared.

“Katniss…” he chokes out.

“the bakery was destroyed, real or not real?" He manages to whisper into my shoulder.

“Real” I responded, stroking his hair, trying to keep my tone calm, not wanting to scare him more than he already was.

I don't know how long we've been standing there but quite frankly I don't care either. It could've been a few minutes, hours even and I still wouldn't care. Normally, I would count the time in these situations but it's not the time. Peeta is trembling violently in my arms and I'll be damned if I pay attention to anything other than him right now.

After a few minutes, I felt his heart rate go down, his breathing returns to normal, his grip on me still tight if not tighter than before. But he's better.

"Are you okay?" I ask him finally, pulling away only enough to look at him before his grip

tightened again. Not yet.

“Come on, let's go home," I say, cupping his cheeks as gently as I possibly could so I wouldn't scare him.

He looks at me, almost trying to piece together what I've said. When he finally does, he nods slowly, his grip loosening.

“yeah... yeah let's go home." he eventually responded, nodding as if trying to convince himself he was okay.

Once I grabbed all the bags I quickly took his hand in mine, not letting go of him the entire way home.

1 1 : 5 5 am

[ladymirdan]

As someone who just reblogs posts without saying anything, the reason I don't say anything when I reblog them is because one part, I often have nothing to say. And the other part is that most of the time when I comment on a post by reblogging it, the original poster never sees it or interacts with it. I feel like I'm screaming into the void, too.

I'm not trying to call anyone out, I'm not trying to shame anyone. Your point is still valid--it is 100% reasonable for you to feel the way you feel. I'm just providing my excuse for why I don't generally leave comments on your posts or on your blog. I'm pretty new to the fandom and pretty low on the fandom totem ladder, I think I'm one step up from an unknown. I don't get interaction most months, either, and I know that my interacting with anyone doesn't count for anything.

You are not under any obligation to interact with everyone who reblogs your posts with comments. I am not saying that you have to interact with me or that you're under some obligation. You are a popular member of the Tumblr 40k fandom with a lot of followers, I am one scream in the darkness. This is just me explaining why I just stalk your blog (do we still say that? We did back in 2012...) instead of talking to you. Also, I think our interests in the fandom are very different? But I love watching your enthusiasm, seeing your takes. I feel like I'm watching a Very Important Scholar dispensing wisdom in the public forum. (I won't even leave likes on peoples' posts because of what you and Tage have said about the likes! And now that I finally have a post that got popular, I kind of get that???? Sucks that it's not a post of literally any of my art, none of my drawings or writing, just a stupid picture I took where I tagged someone Very Important in the fandom without their permission, very rude of me...) Anyway, it's like, 2am here and I didn't get much sleep.

Pre-emptive sorry for wasting your time!

No no! My post wasn't a callout to anyone specific. And You reblog a lot of my stuff on here and I appreciate it a lot 💙 (I am also a notorious no comment reblogger a lot of the time 😅)

Reblogging on Tumblr makes me happy. It reaches new people with new perspectives and im still allowed to see the interactions. What I ment was taking the post offsite, to a discord or telegram or whatever where im not a part of the post anymore.

And second of all, you aren't a nobody. There are no hierarchy in fandom, (and anyone who says they are some kind of higher tier is a bit of a cunt imo) I value a good commenter/reblogger the same as a would an artist or writer.

But this is a good response, it clears the air a bit I think. I know I might look and sound scary from afar, but I'm (kind of?) nice. And I don't bite(impossible through the screen, I've tried). Lurking used to and still is encouraged way too much in my opinion.

And to you, and anyone who reads this thinking they are nobodies. That is not true. I was a nobody to Tage when we started talking, and now we (at least from my side) are really good friends, almost more then my afk friends.

It is always ok to comment on my posts, everything from “you are wrong and this is why *proceeds to write a 20page rant* to “I want to eat this post so I can carry it inside me” makes me smile.

(I have one rule tho; No unwarranted bashing of Abaddon, that leads to an insta block)