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gotham-daydreams · 1 year ago

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I absolutely LOVE the ‘Not’ series!

I’ve read a handful of the neglected reader trope (i.e. three) and so far, yours is the most detailed one in terms of how the batfam became yandere. Not to say that the others aren’t good– they’re great! They just don’t really show how and why.

Mostly they just show that the reason for their behavior is because of their guilt for neglecting the reader and their paranoia in finding the reader either dead or tortured (which is a valid reason), it just never convinced me(?) I mean, as far as I know, it’s normal to feel that way when a member of your family just vanishes without so much as a trace.

Which probably explains why I like part 2 so much, because not only did it showcase their own personal reasons as to why they turned out they way they are (borderline obsessive), but it showcased how badly the reader was neglected. I mean– you should’ve seen my face during the tapes part.

I guess I completely underestimated the neglect when I was reading part 1. And although, yes, I am aware of the fact that neglect is neglect, and there shouldn’t be a rate to determine when the neglect is bad enough because it already is bad–no matter how big or small the situation–I didn’t really feel (?? meaning, it didn’t touch me at first) it until reading part 2, where I saw the extent to the emotional abuse they put the reader through. At such a young age too? Jesus.

During the first part, I kept telling myself that this was fine and I’d probably be able to survive this and just be petty to my family if it were to happen, until I continued reading up to part 2. Only then did I realize how much I actually relate to the reader.

I’ve learned how to play the violin, done taekwondo, participated in school sports/events, and studied till my nose bled and I passed out (literally based on true events, was admitted to the hospital and was generally not a good time).

And you know what made all of that suck? I didn’t do it for myself, but for the validation of family (I’m from your stereotypical asian family who’s expectations are high and long enough to reach the moon and back).

And what made all of that even suckier was that there were times where my parents couldn’t even make it to the events, in which made me connect to the reader even more.

I know the feeling of standing up on a stage, desperately looking around the crowd for the two familiar dots which are your parents’ faces, only to be met with stacks of unfamiliar ones. Gosh, especially that heart crushing feeling where you just feel your heart drop to the pit of your stomach when you realize they aren’t there to see the work you’ve practiced so hard on, especially when you did it for them.

I felt that exact same feeling for the reader during the part where Bruce saw all the fliers for the performances he failed to attend, and that was the exact moment when you could hear my heart begin to crack. And you can just guess that the rest is just my heart beginning to crack even more.

But anyway, I absolutely love how you wrote everyone’s individual personalities and their personal relations to the reader. I can really tell that it’s well thought out! Looking forward to the confrontation in part 3!!

Thank you so much!!! I'm glad you enjoyed the second part, and were able to connect with the reader! :]

That was also generally the main focus of Part 2, as I did really want to delve into the nitty-gritty of what got the Batfam started on this hell train to yandere land. Though I wasn't able to see that idea out completely as, y'know, I don't really describe how Tim, Damian, Steph, and Babs ended up hopping onto that train.

The portion of the Batfam in the Manor, and coming to terms with how they've collectively neglected the reader in these little, individual parts, is rushed and does kind of just hop to the city and how the reader is currently doing - along with establishing a time period for how long they've been gone. Which that is mostly because the more I wrote - the more laggy tumblr would get, so I made a last minute decision to speed things along (and I also wanted to get Part 2 out as soon as possible).

Regardless, as you've said there are other neglected!reader posts that do at least mention how the Batfam turns yandere, but they don't really go into detail, or mention a 'how', and just mention the 'why'. (Which is okay! They're amazing, and enjoyable reads anyway :]!) So for Part 2, I really wanted to emphasize on those details, and at least show how the seeds of obsession have been planeted.

Again, as you said! Worrying over the reader's well being, and coming to terms with the crushing reality of what you did to someone — albeit mostly unintentionally in most cases — and what that could potentially lead them to do, and what it's already caused them to do- is a valid and understandable reason! I just wanted to show more than that, and almost make it more... personal?

I wanted to show how it wasn't just pure worry and guilt that started them on this path. I wanted to show the planting of the seeds, and later, how these little things will make the Batfam commit to treading down said path.

Like how Bruce starts off as worried and guilt-ridden, only to end up in love with all these small details and character traits he notices from the reader in their notebook — which turns him serious and cements his will and need to find the reader. Or how Dick starts off similarly, but with a bit more panic and disbelief, only to discover just how much personality the reader had, and how lovely of a person they could be through their voice messages to him, which does fuel his guilt - yes, but I think it adds just that little bit more to everything. Or Cass and Jason watching those birthday tapes, and even Tim falling in love with the reader's music (which isn't gone into much detail within Part 2 itself, but is implied a little, I believe).

I feel like their fall feels more personal to the reader in that way. Rather than just have them be worried about the reader's health in some way (physical or mental (which is still a valid concern, of course!!)), they fall in love with pieces of the reader, and notice small details within them that draw the family in. Furthering their need to find the reader.

And I'm glad you enjoyed the characters as well! Even if I am still a little worried that they may be a bit ooc, I did want these small, but personal discoveries, or small glimpses the family had into the reader's life, to be unique in some way. With their interpretations differing, and while their general reaction was the same, their 'drive' is a little different. If not, then a little similar to one another with odd, small parts not quite matching up inbetween. Not to mention that with a whole family that is so similar, and yet so different- it felt fitting to try and aim for that. Though I can't say much about how well that exactly got across, haha!

Besides, again, with their different personalities and everything, it makes sense that their connection or relationship — or lack thereof — to the reader is a bit different for each of them. Which is kind of implied, I suppose, as some did catch a few small things about the reader, while others didn't notice much at all and such, but I'd like to think that it was a nice touch.

Putting further emphasis on the extent of the neglect and such was also intended, of course, and I also think you and other folks finding out such things from the eyes of the Batfam, was a fun way to go about it as well. Since you not only learn more about events that have happened before the series, but also get the Batfam's thoughts on it and how said information impacts them as well. Though who knows, maybe I'm looking too deep into my own writing- but it was fun, I will say that!

Compared to the development of the Batfam as yanderes, I do consider the information about the reader's life both in and outside of the Manor, as icing on the cake, in a way. Since it gives you more of that flavor along side the cake it self, but that probably doesn't make sense. Lol!

Anyway, I really liked this ask, and thanks so much for sharing your feelings, anon! And once again, I'm very glad that you're enjoying the series so far :]

#talking daydreams #yandere batfam #platonic yandere batfam #yandere dc #yandere dc x reader #gn reader #yandere batfam x reader

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prisonhannibal · 5 months ago

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Hi, I'd just like to say how it's just so incredibly cool to me that you're making indigenous ( specifically sámi ) art. Though just "cool" might be too small a word to describe it.

As someone who IS sámi but. Kind of doesn't feel like they are / has a whole lot of their own complicated feelings about it (didn't speak the language at home and that sort of stuff yk), it's always so special to me to see anything about it online. Always makes me want to get a hold of myself and actually connect with my culture, it's so so important to me and seeing your art makes me really happy :'))

And honestly? Seeing stuff about us online makes it feel like it's not too late for me, that I don't have to just put "finnish" in my bio anymore. ( Though I can't really start thinking it's too late if I'm still a minor now can I?)

Sorry if this got a little much, but I wanted to let you know how important your art can be, don't feel pressured to answer this, if you want to you can just leave it or delete it!! I'm a scared guy hiding behind anon anyways :'))

Hi ❤️💚💛💙 Don’t apologize it’s not too much and I’m glad you chose to reach out instead of dealing with it alone, that’s a step in the process of reconnecting ❤️ There is a specific loneliness in not having connections to your people. I don’t know your circumstances or if it’s a completely disconnected situation or if your family grew up calling themselves sámi but not participating in the culture, so some of this might not be relevant to you but I’ll answer as if you have very little connection just in case, so I can cover too much instead of too little. I’m sorry if this is all unnecessary and preachy and you didn’t ask but I have things I feel like saying.

The language thing doesn’t say anything about how sámi you are, I didn’t grow up speaking my heart language (that’s what my áhkku calls it and I think it’s beautiful) either, the majority of sámi people don’t speak any sámi language. You have to remember that the damage done to our communities is so severe that I literally feel like I’m in a privileged position for growing up with our culture and traditions in a proud sámi family and that I got to wear a gákti as a kid, even though our language was taken from our family before I was even born. A lot of people don’t even get that. It’s not our fault, whatever we lost during the norwegianization period (and similar policies and laws in the other “countries” in sápmi) was taken from us when they beat and forced it out of our great grandparent and grandparent generation.

It’s not too late for you, or for anyone. I know many people who got their first gákti late into adulthood. I’d celebrate someone reconnecting in their 60s. You are so so so young, you have so many years left of life where you can have this, if you choose to take it. You’re also lucky that you’re young bc there’s many youth organizations across the borders. I work on the board in one and we work on organizing social stuff and duodji courses and stuff like that to create meeting spaces for sámi youth! I was actually just in Helsinki to meet with some of the organizations on the finnish and swedish side and they seemed very nice :) I would recommend looking into what’s available in your area, and if you’re interested in learning languages or duodji I wish I could help find resources, but I don’t speak finnish, but I imagine if you contact your local community they’ll be able to help you with that.

Connection is healing 🌸 Both for yourself and for our people, because we are still here and we always will be. The only people who win when we are quiet is the people who did this to us. I want all of us back and together and with the sámi spirit that ČSV stands for. There is no obligation to do anything and you should never feel guilt for not being able to do things, but I like to think that if my family from the past who weren’t allowed to do the things I do now could see me they’d be happy. When I took sámi classes I thought that the people that came before us when boarding schools were a tool to get rid of our language would be so happy to see that we’re allowed to learn now. I hope that thought can give some comfort and strength no matter where you are or what you do in this process ❤️

After the 2023 protests I was really fucked in the head, so I went home to my áhkku and she cooked reindeer meat for me and taught me how to sew a gákti, and that felt like it healed something in me.

Anyway, this was a really nice ask to get. It means a lot to me to hear that my art is meaningful to other people. I wasn’t always sure there was an audience for it, but I always made it anyway because I think sámi art and happiness existing is a beautiful and important thing ☺️

I need to say again, you are so so young, there’s so much time and so much you can learn and do, and there’s no rush. I have heard many from the older generations say how proud they are and emotional that our youth is taking our traditions and our languages back, we’ll be happy to have you. I wish you all the best

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svcredveins · 7 months ago

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That’s a wrap with the 12 hours of Nordschleife! It was so adrenaline rushed! 🫀

First endurance race on the Nordschleife has been a blast! Honestly, I am really hoping to do another endurance race here because of how amazing and unique this track truly is. An 8+ minute long track with never ending winding turns? Yes please! But honestly, I love this track and hopefully one day would be able to drive it actually in real life in a Porsche. My goal is to constantly run this track every weekend (if I live in Germany hopefully) to get to know this track better for the day I’d be in the 24 hours as a Porsche factory driver. That’s my dream!

I just love this track so much; it’s so addicting. Like honestly, I crave another endurance here and hopefully for it to be a 24 hours because it was disappointing that it got cut down to 12; would’ve been my first 24 hour race! But unfortunately it didn’t end that way due to low participation. Hopefully one day I can ring up a team and just do it because I crave it!

The opening laps were magical trying to fight for positions. A couple of laps later trying to overtake a BMW, I managed to make a clean pass at Kallenhard as there was enough gap between the BMW and the inner curb, I made it stick! Too bad though the broadcasters didn’t catch it in time. It was such a solid overtake!

I did a total of three and not even a quarter of a stint. My first two stints were flawless; no contacts, no crashes, just pure confidence on the track. I’m just so glad I’ve done this track a lot in Gran Turismo 7 and Forza Motorsport and because of that, I at least knew what to expect out of the track, but I improved even more just by doing a lot more laps on Assetto Corsa Comeptizione. It was a blast and my little lady was just pounding every time I did my stints! It was an amazing feel.

My third stint, however, was tragic. I was so hyped up to do a night stint and do quicker laps (because the colder the track, the better tire grip there is), but unfortunately though, that didn’t happen due to a car stopped in the middle of the track on the apex, held the brakes, but still rolled a little bit forward which still made it hard to judge where he was gonna go. I debated to veer to the right, but he was too slow to even do that, so I was just praying he wasn’t gonna move any further forward but it was too late. I couldn’t pull out of the inevitable. Heartbreaking that I had 15 seconds worth of damage but it wasn’t doable because the aero was just gone on the front of the car from a smack to the front. Turning was more resistant and I was several seconds down from my best. Several! It was insane on how much damage from the front just obliterated my lap times. I was making very good lap times actually. 8:22s but sadly got crossed to an 8:31. Yeah…it was that bad of damage, so I was certainly gutted that was it for my night stint since the rest of the team had a strategy in mind to pull me out of the car and have our other teammate finish off the race. Which to be honest, I was definitely good to do a double stint. I was too deep in my stints that I was always fresh to do another one haha, but I didn’t want to be greedy so I didn’t ask to stay out since I know my teammate wanted to finish it off. Ideally though, the quickest driver does double stints in that scenario, but that’s all good.

Overall though the race was amazing despite the team having self induced incidents. My teammates did a fantastic job! A solid P7 out of 35 drivers is quite the feat!

Anyway, again, I’m just really hoping to find another Nordschleife endurance race because it’s just so addicting doing very long laps with corners that have very little room for error. I love it. I love racing, I love the feel I get out of it, I love Porsche, and I just love it.

My apologies for not recording my little lady though through it all. Adrenaline just took over the whole race and I had to just be focused the whole time. My brain can only do so much as we were all chatting constantly haha. It would’ve been a huge toll on my phone anyway and it would’ve been a bit hazardous to start recording and stop recording on my phone, let alone my phone storage would be screaming at me haha

#cardiophilia #heartbeat #cardiophile #cardiophile thoughts #stethoscope #self stething #beating heart #female cardiophile #female heartbeat #fast heartbeat

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tathrin · 2 years ago

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No one:

My Brain: okay so the Drinking Game in RotK is sort of funny yet also extremely dumb but consider, instead of what the movie gave us where we’re supposed to believe that Thranduil’s son has never seen alcohol and GImli is just the butt of every joke again, okay, what if we have a situation where Gimli, who is a clever-tongued little bastard who is not at all above getting one over on Éomer whenever he can (he insulted the Lady Galadriel!!!) just because he agreed to put the larger issue on hold until Éomer actually meets her—what if Gimli sets him up, right, by taking advantage of the fact that he knows Mirkwood elves don’t have any interest in ale, which means the odds are good that the pointy-eared princeling who’d never been more than ten yards from home before going to Rivendell has surely never drunk ale before.

But the way Gimli very deliberately phrases things makes Éomer think he’s never drunk at all before, so Éomer agrees to a drinking contest between him and Legolas, who has no idea what’s going on but is participating anyway because hey sometimes mortals are weird and he’s trying to be a good sport and his friend seems really excited for him to try ale, so sure, let’s have a drinking contest with Éomer I guess??? and Éomer gets his ass drunk so hard under the table that they’re going to need shovels to dig him out, and Gimli is chortling to himself the whole time because he knew exactly what was going to happen when Legolas Thranduilion, used to drinking strong Dorwinion wine in elvish quantities and nobody parties like the elves of Mirkwood; they party like they’re going to war because in Mirkwood, being happy basically is a way of waging war against the Shadow, okay, so Gimli figured the odds that Legolas could hold his liquor were pretty damn high, got into a drinking game with a mere mortal, and he completely set Éomer up...

And when it’s done, and they’ve scraped Éomer up off the floor, Legolas just shrugs and is like “so I guess ale’s not bad, but nobody will be offended if I say I still like my dad’s wines more, right?” and Éomer is all. wait. wait. wine? WHAT WINE? You sneaky inhuman FUCKS—! while Gimli asphyxiates himself laughing and Legolas just stands there slightly tipsy and wondering when somebody is going to explain what the fuck just happened.

EDIT: Thank you! I’m glad it made someone more than just me laugh. Here’s the whole scene if you want it.

#we're also taking advantage of the fact that orlando bloom apparently never knew what was going on during filming #so like...he doesn't even need to act in this scene is what i'm saying he's not SUPPOSED to know what's happening (i'm clever)#anyway that was part of the bizarre dream i mentioned a few days ago #but i thought this moment in particular stood out as something the fandom would enjoy so: pls enjoy #legolas #gimli #eomer #lotr #my stuff #lotr movies #alcohol #the lotr time travel revision dream #my writing

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thunderprompts · 2 years ago

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RANDOM QUOTES PROMPT MEME #03

They aren’t really random... I am a FRAUD.

But take & enjoy them anyway. 40 various very varied quotes.

“We’re in full lockdown.”

“Don’t be sorry. Be better.”

“Why did you bring me here?”

“You look like an ad for death.”

“I didn't come here to be liked.”

“It’s not superstition if it works!”

“I am not so think as you drunk I am.”

“I am the essence of overconfidence.”

“Death can have me when it earns me.”

“To grieve deeply... is to have loved fully.”

“Don't forget to invite us all to the wedding.”

“Do not mistake my silence for lack of grief.”

“Enemy advances bring medical advances.”

“There's a time to talk and a time to shut up.”

“Intent does not matter, only consequences.”

“I’ll put a bullet in my head before I drink gin.”

“I just don’t know why they’re shooting at us!”

“Nature does not give a damn about our plans.”

“I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist.”

“It is the nature of a thing that matters, not its form.”

“We are not our failures. We are not who we were.”

“I'm not sleeping, I'm inspecting the inside of my eyelids.”

“I can’t tell you how happy I am to talk to somebody sane.”

“You will always be a part of me. I will always be a part of you.”

“Why are you here, [____]? You've never believed in this cause.”

“There is no grand design, no script, only the choices you make.”

“You blow another kiss, [___], and those lips will never walk again.”

“Your energies will cause a panic and that will not help anyone here.”

“That's a man afraid of chaos. He's not going to invite more if he can help it.”

“Nobody can get the truth out of me because even I don't know what it is.”

"I’ve done enough nightshift loner jobs to know it makes us come off weird.”

“Keep your pity because you’re going to need all your pity for what’s coming.”

“War isn't hell. War is war, and hell is hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse.”

“You don't know what sorry means. You want ‘sorry’? This is what sorry looks like.”

“Our actions have consequences. To be reminded of them is not punishment.”

“You seem like a calm and reasonable person. Are you a calm and reasonable person?“

“Sometimes when a man's anxious to stick out a glad hand, it's because he's got something up his sleeve.”

“One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.”

“Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret?”

“Do you know what a hero is? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, he's somebody who's tired enough and cold enough and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn.”

#rp #rp prompts #rp prompt #rp quotes prompt #quotes prompts #writing prompts #rp starter #rp starters

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landofzero-archive · 10 months ago

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Battle on the Sugoroku Board - Epilogue 2

(Location: “Battle on the Sugoroku Board” program set)

(10 minutes later)

Tsumugi: —What happened, Director-san? You’re looking pale?

Ahaha. Now that you mention it, your phone’s been ringing for a while now, hasn’t it.

I wonder, if the participants who aren’t supposed to lose are losing, then NETV’s people’s phones would be ringing endlessly.

I think it’d be fine to ignore them. Right now, it’s your job to make the program interesting♪

…… If you go on like this, you won’t be able to work in the industry again, will you? Is that really true?

Surely, when “Battle on the Sugoroku Board” is broadcast— it’ll catch the eyes of many people, I think.

In that case, what will the viewers think if they see the current developments? I think we’ll be praised for using our wits and resisting.

Even if there’s circumstances where ES idols are favored by the industry, isn’t it sad to see Natsume-kun and the others now?

It’s more fun than catching glimpses of the program’s true circumstances.

This big turnaround happened because you worked sincerely hard on your production work. The last person to evaluate it is the one who sees that workmanship.

That’s why— I don’t know what other people will say. I, at least, appreciate your work.

“Battle on the Sugoroku Board.” It was a very fun program♪

…… Any time now, NewDi Team and CosPro Team will meet up.

They wanted to use all their gold and support items in a three-on-three battle. It’s a perfect match for “Battle on the Sugoroku Board”’s finale.

Let’s watch it through to the end. I think it would be best to explain what’s happening to the people at NETV later♪

Natsume: FuU…… We managed to defeat thEM.

It truly was a fight to the deaTH. It was a victory we were able to obtain by using up all our wits and iteMS.

Madara: Nice work, Arashi-san.

Arashi: Ufufu. I never thought I’d roll an “18” with the “Triple Dice” and win big. Maybe it’s because of my excellent habits♪

Natsume: If anything, we were saved by the design of the “dice battLES.”

Support items with “Dice” in the name can’t be stackED— it was a relief to see that the idols instructed to fix the match were unable to use multiple iteMS.

If they had used “Triple Dice” or “Loaded DiCE,” we wouldn’t have been able to compete with thEM.

NoW, all that’s left is CosPro TeAM—

After defeating the match fixing idols to the east and weST, we obtained an unused “Detection Satellite”— an item that displays the enemy’s GPS.

They were probably planning on using this and the “Disappearing Mantle” to successfully escape until the final stagES. They’ve got no use for it anyway, so I’ll be glad to use iT.

FufU. LoOK, there’s three GPS signals coming towards uS. It’s probably the CosPro TeAM.

Madara: Looks like they did it. It’s amazing that the CosPro Team also survived under these circumstances.

Arashi: There don’t seem to be any other GPS signals left. At this rate, it seems like it’ll be a one-on-one fight in the end.

Like we discussed before, it’ll be a fair three-on-three battle at the end, and the one who wins two will be the winner— is that right?

Natsume: YeS. As expected, doing a winner-takes-all matCH in this situation would get us nowheRE.

In the end, let’s play a fair team matCH.

As I was sayiNG, it looks like they’ve arrivED.

Ibara: If it isn’t Natsume-kun! We’ve finally done it!

We had two people on our side, so it was quite a struggle. How are you faring?

Natsume: YeS, I feel greAT. Since we’ve come this far, there’s no need to guess what’s going on behind the scenES.

In the eND, I just want to have fun and not think about anythiNG.

Ibara: I see. Since we’re here at the end, let’s enjoy the “Dice Battle” without holding anything back!

I’m also in a great mood now that I’ve been able to administer a good scolding to troublesome coworkers! It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to forget about work and have fun……☆

Arashi: Ufufu. The two of them are getting excited. …… Then, I guess I’ll battle with Yuuta-chan♪

Yuuta: Eh? Me?

Arashi: Yes. We got caught up in a lot of adult stuff today. Besides, we hardly talk to each other, don’t we?

Sometimes I want to play with younger children, so I’d be happy if I could do so with you♪

Of course, I’m not going to lose easily. How about we use all of the items we’ve acquired so far to compete?

Yuuta: Fufu. Then I'll use “Triple Dice” as well. Let’s finish this to the bitter end♪

I also have a “Reroll Card” and “Substitute Doll!” Since I’ve made it here, I’m going to fight with cheat-class items♪

Madara: Hahaha. Maybe it’s because of the match-fixing, but everyone seems to be using items as they please. It’s a big treat♪

Shall we leftovers fight it out, Rinne-san?

Rinne: Alright, I’ll take you up on it!

I was just thinking that we didn’t get to have enough fun♪ Let’s enjoy it ‘til the end♪

It’s an all or nothing do-or-die match between all six members!

Natsume and Ibara: The dice rolls a—!

Previous | Directory | Next

#ensemble stars #enstars #enstars translation #ibara saegusa #natsume sakasaki #rinne amagi #madara mikejima #yuta aoi #arashi narukami #era: !!#type: event

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aeoki · 5 months ago

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Blackjack - Gifts Will Not Arrive: Chapter 2

Location: Yumenosaki Studio Characters: Arashi, Mika & Tetora Season: Autumn

TL Note:

A kotatsu is a low heated table with a blanket on top.

Arashi: Ehehe. Anyway, back on topic…

That’s why I said all those things to Ritsu-chan. Christmas is a day to celebrate with your sweetheart, so I told him he should just use that as an excuse to flirt with his beloved “Maa-kun”.

Mika: Ahh… That’s the best bait to lure him out.

Arashi: Right? But it didn’t work – Maa-kun was supposed to be my ultimate weapon but even that failed!

What do you think he said when I put it that way?

He said, “I bet Maa-kun’s gonna be busy… Work is more important than me in his eyes.” He just got even more depressed and less motivated.

Ritsu-chan has always called himself the advisor of “Knights”, but he’s not acting like one at all. Love sure makes one weak, huh. Gosh.

Mika: I kinda understand that… Christmas originates from the Western world, right? It doesn’t look like Oshi-san can come home this year for Christmas since he’s busy then.

He has to be in Japan for “SS”, so he wants to get as much of his work done in Paris, apparently.

Arashi: Ah… So that’s why you were feeling down today. Oh, Mika-chan.

Mika: I also don’t like the cold so there’s that too. I’m pretty skinny so I really can’t handle cold temperatures.

Arashi: I’d love to pass some of my fat to you.

Mika: Hmm, I’m happy just chattin’ with you. It, uh, how do I put it? Helps distract me.

Arashi: One of the reasons I called you here was because I was feeling lonely since none of “Knights” would gather.

Mika: “Knights” was a big family at one point in time, though.

Arashi: Yeah, In fact, I didn’t have the time to feel lonely and had to be super sociable to the point that I was left in a flurry.

Even so, it seems the new members were being considerate and didn’t really show up here. Either way, it still made me feel lonely.

Mika: “Knights” has their own ups and downs, huh~ Nothin’ has changed with me – it feels like we’ve been way too stable, so I’m kinda envious.

Arashi: You want things to be chaotic like last year? Oh, gosh – even watching from the sidelines was bad for my heart!

In the end, peace is best.

Mika: Yeah. In that sense, I’m glad that this year’s “Star Fest” is gonna be a peaceful one.

Arashi: And that’s exactly why I want to enjoy such a peaceful event with everyone.

Sure, it can’t be helped that Izumi-chan and Leo-kun won’t be here since they’ll be enjoying Christmas overseas.

But at the very least, I’d like Ritsu-chan and Tsukasa-chan to forget about the bloody battles and enjoy a peaceful Christmas.

Mika: You keep saying the same stuff over and over again.

…Hm?

Tetora: Osu! Merry Christmas! Osu!

Arashi: What’s with the new Christmas greeting?

Tetora: Should I not have? Apparently, this year’s “Star Fest” is individual participation, so I was just trying to come up with some unique Christmas ideas for myself…

Arashi: It’s fine – it suits you well. …Anyway, did you want us for something?

Tetora: Osu! Sorry for interrupting your conversation! Or rather, sorry for barging in on your turf, Narukami-senpai!

Arashi: You don’t have to worry about that. Always so formal, huh.

Mika: Yeah~ Look, I’ve got nothin’ to do with “Knights” and I’m here too.

Arashi: If anything, I was the one who dragged you in here since I wanted someone to talk to.

Tetora: Oh, hey there, Kagehira-senpai! Actually, you two together seem like a pretty weird combo!

Arashi: My, you didn’t know that Mika-chan and I have been besties since forever?

Tetora: Honestly, the students in the lower grades don’t know much about who’s friends with who in the higher grades.

Mika: Yeah~ I’ve also been surprised to see Oshi-san being friends with a lot of unexpected people.

Arashi: Anyway, what business did you have with us? If you want to chat, we can just do it at Seisou Hall, you know? If you came all this way, is it an emergency, then?

Or do you have nothing on and just passed by? If you’re bored, how about chatting with us, Tetora-kun?

Mika: Yeah, come sit in the kotatsu[⁎] with us~♪ It’s nice and warm.

Tetora: That’s a very appealing suggestion, but I’m not here for that.

Arashi: Oh, did something happen to “RYUUSEITAI”...? You guys still haven’t made up yet?

Tetora: No, it’s got nothing to do with them this time. Actually, I’m here to ask something for Shinobu-kun…

Have you guys seen either Mayoi Ayase-senpai or Hitsugi Kurone recently?

Mika: Ngh? Uhh…

Arashi: Did something happen to them?

Tetora: I don’t really know but it looks like they’re both missing.

Kurone-san disappeared a while back but Ayase-senpai only went missing recently…

It seems Shinobu-kun and the “ALKALOID” members who messaged him are searching everywhere for Ayase-senpai. I’m just helping out with that. Osu.

Arashi: Missing? My, that doesn’t sound good.

Mika: Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve seen ‘em around these days… Um, does the police know about this?

Tetora: I personally think the police should be involved, but it wouldn’t be right for an outsider like me to report it.

Arashi: So that’s why you’re running around and directly searching for them.

Tetora: Osu. That’s right.

To be frank, I’m busy preparing for “Star Fest” and “SS”, so I don’t have the time for this, but this is how things ended up.

Arashi: Heroes have it tough, huh. I don’t really understand but alright – I’ll ask around for you.

Tetora: Thanks so much. Manpower is fundamental when it comes to searching for people, so it’ll be a great help if we can get as many people as we can to lend a hand in the search.

Arashi: Ehehe.

Tetora: ? Did I say something weird?

Arashi: Nope. Just thinking how I was also in a rush doing the same thing in this cold weather last year… “Valkyrie” would go missing occasionally, right?

Mika: Ngh ahh~ Don’t bring that up. It’s embarrassin’ in front of our junior.

But yeah, I caused a lot of trouble last year, so I’ll be sure to help everyone out this year.

I’ll talk to “Double Face” since they’re good at findin’ people.

I’ve been keepin’ in contact with ‘em ever since “Antique Market”, so they’re pretty easy to talk to.

Tetora: Oh, Mikejima-senpai… Yeah, he’s reliable.

Arashi: You see him in a good light for some reason, huh, Tetora-kun. He’s usually just a good-for-nothing fellow.

Tetora: He’s a great senior from “RYUUSEITAI”.

Well, in any case, that’s all I’m here for.

I’m gonna go look elsewhere, so if you have any info, please let me know on “Hallhands”.

Arashi: Roger that~

…I don’t really get it but something smells fishy.

And here I thought I’d be able to spend Christmas in peace this year.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂ Next Chapter →

#blackjack

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iamthecomet · 1 year ago

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Hoot once again!

I‘m really glad to hear this. Our little ritual means a lot to me <3

I am so sorry for her, but very glad that she figured it out now. Growing up undiagnosed can be (and is most of the time) very traumatic

While I’m a bit younger, I still spent my entire childhood and half of my youth (I’m gonna pretend it has been only half of it so far cause whatever the fuck I had/have is most definitely not a joyful youth). So while I can‘t fully relate, I still kind of get it and can at least imagine how it must me for her

It‘s pretty hard to get an autism diagnosis, because it cannot be done by a regular psychiatrist (unlike ADHD for example, which is why I at least have that diagnosis already). In my area there is only one place where you can get a diagnosis and the waiting list is LONG (not the worst I‘ve seen so far but at least half a year, which is terrible if you need to get help as quickly as possible but you need a diagnosis to get any kind of help). But I’m working on it

Thank youuuu

I planned chapter 2 out yesterday

It ended up to be “only” 5 pages, but it has 39 panels (chapter 1 has 24 panels)

So I think I’ll still get more of the story across even though it seems to be one page shorter

I will most likely start working on it in November

Your day sounds pretty nice!

Today, I was really stressed and worried about something and I did it okay-ish, but I can‘t change shit anymore now anyways so I’ll have to stop worrying and just wait and see

I also had a doctors appointment to get blood drawn and tested (cause due to the meds I take I’m apparently at a higher risk of malnutrition/lack of some stuff) and it was literally the most pleasant doctors appointment I’ve ever had.

I was a too early (as always) and had to wait outside a bit because they were still on lunch break but I was let inside a few minutes earlier anyways and so I was alone in the waiting area. And the nurse was incredibly kind and nice (she had me lay down for it because she didn’t want to risk that I could pass out and then she let me take my time to get back up again). It was overall incredibly nice and I was done not even 15 minutes after my appointment (so none of that annoying waiting time that usually comes with doctors appointments)

I also wanted to mention this in the past days already but I somehow didn‘t haha:

So I saw Someone do OC-tober and I absolutely LOVED the idea! (I’m one of these people that just never really draws their OCs lmao)

So I put together a prompt list for myself and I’m really excited about it ^^

(I‘m also planning on participating in Ghosttober with my writing which is why I’m probably going to be a little stressed all throughout October which is why I’ll most likely start working on chapter 2 in November)

I once again truly hope that you had a pleasant day! ♥️

~ @owlishanon

I like our little ritual too! ♥ When my friend got her diagnosis she couldn't get it from a regular psychiatrist either. She also got her ADHD diagnosis a couple years earlier because that was much easier. Autism she had to take a handful of tests over a period of time to actually get the diagnosis. But she was 98% sure what it would be before she got it. So I guess it's a pain in the ass no matter where you try to get it. Hoping that you are able to get through that process soon and get the help that you need. I'm glad your doctor's appointment went well and was easy. That's such a rare thing. And that you had a nurse who was really accommodating and understood what you needed. I was wondering why you said you would work on chapter two in November, until I got to the end of your ask. There are A LOT of things going on in October. And it will be kind of nice to take a pause on working so hard on that and doing some other stuff. I'm really excited for kinktober/ghostober whatever we're calling it. I'm trying to get the first week written and ready this week so that it's less likely that I fall behind. We'll see how that goes. Day one is written and ready to go--so that's something at least. And OC-tober sounds SO cool. I'm excited to see what you end up doing with that. I'm sure that will be a lot of fun too!

#comet comments #comet's anons #owlish

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icharchivist · 1 year ago

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gosh, mentioning your friend who got bowled over by act 2 autumn must’ve been foreshadowing, because I, who foolishly was like, oh I don’t think I’ll relate to azami that much he’s very different from me but it’ll be fun to see autumn, cried twice while going thru the back half of this story. jeez. I’ll may have to be a bit less chronological than usual for the sake of keeping all of that stuff later.

zombie run night was rly great! more like zombie fun night amirite. I’m sorry I make bad jokes. banri getting azami to be a zombie as well was so nice like. again he’s being a good leader.

tenma being scared of zombies makes sense obviously. I’m with him. not zombies but when I was staying with a relative a while back I found a lizard the length of my hand in the bathroom and then refused to use that bathroom for the rest of my stay.

I really liked the eyeball necklace detail—it made the event feel real and also considerate? the moment yuki just went … at tenma I Knew he had planted the necklace on him tho. he’s so funny for that. seeing that and being like yeah tenma you’re so right. you don’t need to participate. cant believe mankai didn’t recognize banri when he caught them. azami must have some stellar makeup skills

azami going after sakyo and haunting him abt his budget lifestyle was sooo funny. like I was bracing for something slightly charged to happen but it was just funny. and he had a good time!! I’m glad. I liked that banri was like. still encouraging to azami even tho his acting motives aren’t the purest lol. I mean to be fair he has no room to talk there but it’s also just nice to like. meet him where he’s at. like we see azami doesn’t really get The Feeling until closing night but. things take time.

azami and omis whole thing was. so good. like the way he won’t even like accept a bandaid is so. azami… I loved the way they resolved it? first seeing omi juza and tsuzuru talking in uni was cool. but then kumon approaching azami was like. so nice. again the way that they like talk and kumon’s like I miss summer! and u can Hear the smile in azamis voice when he’s like come on summer literally just ended!

but him being awkward around omi bc he’s not sure what a mother should be like… gosh. like the way he describes the whole thing as like. strange and confusing I’m going to vote the wall like. like yeah actually that’s exactly how it feels when someone is kind to you in a way you haven’t yet experienced it makes you want to throw it off immediately bc it’s like whoa whoa hold on. I’m not allowed this kind of thing. anyways just. no wonder he likes kumon so much that guy is like, effusive in his praise and azami probably likes having ppl around who are Nice like that. loved omis portrait. it was so good. and it like. absolutely sucks that he had to grow up that quick. very nice to see nachi again, though. but when kid-omi was like: one day in the future. I’ll take a break for myself :) omi. omi I’m shaking you. have you ever really done that. well ig now that he’s living in mankai he’s letting his family take care of housework and stuff? but like, still.

minor note but when they’re doing a street act it was rly cool to see juza just like seamlessly and confidently advertise the play. he’s come so far…

*cracks knuckles* alright all of that was warmup now it’s time for the BIG STUFF. azami almost got hit by a car!!!! the cg there was like. So Good. like the way sakyo is absolutely Frazzled… yeah. like god I keep thinking abt that cg. its sooo. wow!! i dont think ive seen sakyo look so distressed!!! hes not wearing glasses bc he was so shocked that he ended up breaking his glasses in the rush to get there!! its like. azami look... u have a dad that wishes for your every happiness... and azami is just Sitting There mostly unharmed and looking a little confused like huh… why’s sakyo looking so out of sorts… it’s wonderful. and the way sakyo is like even if it was just a scrape I need to find who did this and hurt them. like godddd and the way he’s like “so I don’t even have the right to worry about you anymore?” I am. Going to cry.

what rly got me tho was like the whole jin-gi-oh cards though bc like first off sakyo remembered ALL of them but also!! also just the way u can hear azami kind of mumble stutter like we-well I bet he doesn’t even remember the card stuff (why would he really care about me…) and then sakyo clearly Does. and it’s just like.

it’s so clear that while sakyo is convinced that he barely has the right to talk to azami bc he betrayed him by chasing after his dream… a lot of what azami is worried about is that sakyo doesn’t care about him anymore. like imagine you’re fourteen and you’ve just learned that the guy you secretly think of as your dad, who’s like the only one that’s supported your dreams, is leaving you to pursue his own. without you. and you get into a huge fight with him about it and storm off. and then a week passes and you don’t hear from him. months pass and you don’t hear from him. whenever he’s around doing ginsenkai stuff you just… don’t really talk to him. and you’re fourteen maybe fifteen so you’re too embarrassed to reach out first. besides if he left that easily maybe this whole thing was just a job to him, huh? maybe he never liked you as much as you liked him. whatever. whatever. it’s fine. like the “I bet he’s having so much fun now” line azami says… it’s so clear he believes like. oh sakyo was slumming it with me and left for greener pastures.

and of course sakyo is sitting there like oh I’ve committed the biggest betrayal ever by not supporting his dreams well enough. he probably hates me and doesn’t want to ever see my face again. and like that’s not helping.

and then you run away from your bio dad because you can’t let go of your own dreams and when you don’t have anywhere to go it turns out that you can actually run to the place sakyo went to. and strangest of all sakyo is letting you stay. like the way he just. the pause he has when sakyo says he’s basically his guardian. the feeling of. sakyo is… admitting that? does he… does he WANT to be my dad (I thought he didn’t want to—)

and now you’re here in a hospital and just saw sakyo was super worried about you and also like. maybe treasures you in the way that you thought he did. sakyo says his story of running away is about a pathetic kid but it’s also like. for azami he just learned that the card thing he did with sakyo and liked so much that he still keeps them carefully is actually a parent-child thing sakyo did with his own mom!!! it’s like. oh my god.

azami talking abt his own experience with buying cards and then his dad trashing them, though… I. hm. I am going to leave the section abt azami’s bio dad alone bc I’m tempted to get mean about it and I kind of want to leave that for later.

so, skipping forward to the actual play… it was so cool to see summer come in for support! and I always love seeing how the chapters extend what we see in the actual play. also the voice acting that’s good too. the one thing I noticed was like. “you remember the boy with brown hair you killed three years ago?” who’s going to tell them that taichis hair is as red as ever. so roy’s hair was never brown. it got kinda brown when he became undead? but before I don’t think it was.

cannot believe those asshole delinquents were the ones who almost hit azami. the title “buff high schooler” is just rly funny to me tho. sakoda chasing after azami and then calling everyone was so good of him. smart choice my guy. love how everyone in autumn (minus taichi who seems a little nervous) is like. it’s fighting time. very cool to see all of natsugumi volunteer to be opening act. was confused by the “I always repay my debts” line but I think it’s for banri acting as stand in for kumon? which is nice bc it’s like. tenma is the one saying this so it rly just gives the idea that like. natsugumi is a team yknow. and later when they do the acting it meshes so well with the actual play? bc like they had a specific point where they were like oh let’s adlib and do some comedy that’s undead related to make sure the play isn’t a bummer. and then here’s natsugumi just doing like those sorts of jokes.

anyways back to azamis kidnapping.

muku: won’t it be bad if they see ur faces?

me: …ah. I have. the faintest idea of where this is going [judo bear nozaki flashes to my head]

THE CG WAS. THE BEST POSSIBLE USE OF A CG EVER ITS SO GOOD. I LOST MY SHIT. THE HOLLOW EYES R KINDA TERRIFYING IN A REALLY FUNNY WAY. TAICHI THIS WAS AN AMAZING IDEA. the guitar / bass guitar (? idk instruments) that rolls in during this scene is amazingggg. it’s just the like instrumental break part of respawn which is. I went and listened to that after finishing boyhood collage and the song is like, sooooo good. much love to it. the rly fast vocal parts made me think of the fast parts of worlds end dancehall. which is like also apocalyptic setting so that was cool. also I love worlds end dancehall.

they were so funny during this tho. sakyo going “roooar. give us back our friend, you punkass kids.” and juza forgetting what bears sound like so he just literally goes “beaaarrrr” what are you a Pokémon?

and sakoda running towards azami!!! <3 I grew soooo much affection for sakoda in this story tbh like he takes care of azami so well!

thought it was very interesting that like. when they return, everyone in natsugumi is audibly exhausted minus tenma (he’s probably got great acting stamina) and misumi (I don’t think he says any lines here? but he’s probably just got excellent physical stamina. and he and tenma did start out with the like best acting chops of the troupe) which is a cool detail.

and then azami just carefully opening up that he was terrified. not of being hit but of disappointing them and the play. and then when he says to sakyo… “I’m only saying this once, but when I was a kid, I always thought of you as my dad. And… I still do.” IM GOING TO CRY. idk. like the way that azami just Says That and let’s it hang there and then they do the play.

izumi: wow the fight scenes r intense today! (please don’t tell me it’s bc they were just actually fighting…)

damn izumi what do u want me to tell you then. huh. they stomped in their with their animal heads and azami pirouetted back to mankai? no violence involved?

and sakoda crying at the play!! again I can hear the smile in azamis voice when sakodas like bawling in front of him. when azami was like. shift couldn’t make it…? I paused and was like. azami implied shift had an interest in theater at the end of act 2 summer… could it be… and then when azami was like “the god troupe, huh…” I was like ahhhh fuck. we shall see what goes on there later ig.

also they bring up vkei again when talking abt what they want to do next and izumi shut it down… what do u have against it! honestly eyes emoji at masumi saying he likes it, tho... mazumi expressing an opinion that doesnt align with izumi's personal tastes??? maybe I’m missing something.

but the ENDING!!!!!

citron: "I have reached my limit..." AND THEN GUYS THERE HES LITERALLY THERE!!!!! I’m assuming the <> for their dialogue means they’re speaking in their native tongue anyways im going to obsess over <Citronia.> <I've come to get you.> / <I've been wondering when you'd get here.> I knew guy was coming to get citron so I’m glad to see that’s confirmed… already gave my theories on the specifics so I’m interested to see if I’m anywhere close to the mark there.

okay and Now I can talk abt azamis bio dad. i. uh. I hate him. actually he really grinds my gears in a way I didn’t think was going to happen. so I’m worried that I’m being like somewhat unfair to him bc I’m projecting my own biases onto him. so I’m sorry if u have like good opinions of him. it’s rly so funny tho I knew azami did like makeup and stuff and I was like “oh I have. No Interest in makeup or skincare so I probably won’t relate to it too hard” and then This happened and it’s like I got hit with a bowling ball.

like goddd. the way azami is like yeah I bought some cards with my allowance, and then my dad who’s not sakyo found out and threw them out. “I learned then to never let my dad get his hands on anything I’d bought with my own money” gah… not to overshare but like, I feel azami so much there. growing up I would like. never want to tell my parents I liked Anything bc I knew they’d be like oh you’re so silly and dumb and stupid for wanting any kind of merch or collectibles! it’s such a hassle!! why do u like this stupid thing!! so. ahah. I went to a concert for the first time this year and I remember my parents thinking it was weird but then one day my dad called me and he was like oh I was talking to a colleague abt the concert you’re going too and he says that band you like is like, super cool and popular. so it’s like ah. ig now that an Adult has approved it I’m a cool kid now. the same way my writing was worth shit and was totally useless until a family friend kept gushing about the way I’d helped their daughter. anyways what I’m saying it is azami I get it.

and his dad then trashed his makeup, too… like the way sakyos defense for the handmade cards were that they were like “yakuza” cards so he couldn’t complain like it’s a flimsy defense but the fact that he even had to like, make a Justification about these cards when it’s like. these handmade cards aren’t going to help azami fit in or make friends at all so like they’re not accomplishing what the store bought ones were for. but like you still need to defend against it.

but yeah the way it’s like. wow at a pretty young age azami was like oh okay. so if I like ANYTHING I can’t tell my dad about it or he might ruin it. do I feel that this is perhaps part of why he seems so cautionary abt romance yeah sure.

the first time I actually teared up during this whole thing was actually sakyo in the hospital telling azami not to give up. that he can do it even in defiance of his parents. and it’s so meaningful bc sakyos like his DAD. and he’s telling him he’ll support him… like idk. something so heartwarming abt a parental figure being like, hey, you need to prize yourself to the point that if needs must, you can even rebel against me.

the conversation sakyo and izumi have after that, too… “after seeing my boss, I get the feeling there’s no dad out there who doesn’t care about his kids.” this line makes me feel. So Complicated. like I won’t deny the fact that I think azamis dad cares for him on…. Some level…. but it’s like homares grandmother. im glad she loved him but it doesn’t erase the ways that she hurt him, yknow?

also sakyo. you live with misumi tenma and masumi. masumi you can maybe argue his dad caring abt him and same with tenma (but. I mean I’m not HAPPY abt arguing that bc they r rly under baseline care.) but anyways are u gonna do that with misumi’s dad. then again probably only summer troupe knows about the situation there… honestly sakyo probably knows nothing abt the tenma situation too. so he’d only know about masumi and masumis dad seemed like fairly reasonable and nice at the end.

sakoda was so cool here tho. first off having the nerve to even try to still lie about the tickets to protect azami. and then when azami got dragged to his bio dad the fact that sakoda just. started yelling at him? amazing. this made me cry again. like yeah sakodas been watching him… what azamis doing isn’t child’s play! he’s right! and sakoda knows all of this bc he’s been caring abt that kid for forever!! to the point that he’ll yell at the yakuza head like this bc he cares that much!!!

and azami is like. god. I rly love the way he was like. so openly resentful. “Since when have you ever been a father to me?! Dont pull that shit on me now!” ouch. so true though.

and the. the way that uh. “Wh-what are you bowing for? This asshole doesn’t deserve—“ you can HEAR the trembling in his voice. he’s holding back tears. sakyo bowing FOR azami is so good. like I think this scene hit me so hard bc like both sakoda and sakyo who have the lives they do now mostly in thanks to the ginsenkai, are like… sticking up for azami. who is fifteen and thus hasn’t really Given them anything but like his presence. and they care enough about him to stick up for him anyways.

anyways I hadn’t thought abt this until now but it’s like huh… yeah no wonder azami made something up. he wouldn’t want to talk abt sakyo in front of sakyo bc that would be like admitting he still cared abt him. and he didn’t want to talk abt his parents in front of sakyo bc uh. it would be complicated ofc. like in his boyhood collage he was like oh I don’t even remember why I ran away, but shift was probably frustrated and stuff. but like clearly azamis mom had just recently died at that point. he probably just didn’t want to talk about that.

the reveal that the magic brush he uses on kumon was his mothers makeup brush, though… like the way it was her cheek blush to make herself look less sick. and he does the same thing for kumon years later. it just makes it… so much more affectionate. ”I wanted to use its magic to make someone happy like that again. I wanted to do for someone else what I could no longer do for my mom.” and YOU DID!!!

and then his bio dad’s response to all of this. “well, aren’t you all just making me out to be some evil villain. you think there’s a parent out there who doesn’t want to support his child’s dreams?” yes. yes absolutely.

and the way his reasoning is just like. he just thought azami was making up excuses to run away from the family. that uh. that’s not. true… ugh this part is what made me so frustrated. like azami, after his portrait, so very specifically asserts that’s he’s his son and because of that he’ll do anything for him and ginsenkai family. and it’s like. Yeah. I know what it’s like to be so aware of your position as someone’s child and know that even as you hate them you will also do anything for them even if they won’t recognize that. like… he never even asked. azami was so pissed about getting his makeup trashed that he literally ran away and didn’t come back. and you’re still assuming oh it was a little side hobby, if he REALLY cared about it he would’ve, what, psychic mind beamed the force of his feelings to you? if you had paid attention like sakyo or sakoda you would’ve clearly seen how long and how deeply he’s loved it for. even if it had been for a short time how would you know it wouldn’t grow into something else, anyways. like acting.

also his “study your ass off and aim for the top.” line about makeup and then when he gifts him the makeup set later… good on him for personally buying that stuff. but that line left such a sour taste for me bc it’s like. ugh… honestly it just hit a sore spot bc I remember my parents being like. hi child. you can do like, anything you want supposedly but if you want to do like Anything in the humanities field or arts field you’ll have to be the top 1% of it otherwise you’ll die alone. so like if you’re not good enough to do that just quit (I am implying you’re not good enough). and it’s just like. idk. the sort of implications that if azamis not like the best at makeup ever and also that if he hadn’t chosen to do it bc of his mother and it was just something he Liked, then that reason wouldn’t be enough…? that’s just the vibe I get.

also azamis bio dad being like sigh I’ll tell sayuri you’ve become a strong independent man instead of the family head. it just rly irks me like. even now it felt like hey old man. are you looking more at your dead wife than you’re looking at your actual child. because that’s what it feels like.

anyways idk. I hope azami has more space later in life to be a bit more resentful bc I think he deserves it, yknow? I think the way the whole thing went down like, Made Sense bc why would that guy like admit he had hurt his son… that’s like. unrealistic. so I don’t think the story was written badly or anything. it just made me like. really sad. azami didn’t end up loudly crying (im not counting the wailing he has to do in the play for his dead dad.) and like that makes sense to me. actually I think it was very Cool Of Him to never lose his composure That Badly. uh and he’s going to do great considering he as a middle schooler is like rolling normally with college students. but I just want him to be like. feel safe even when he’s not excelling, yknow?

I fear I lost the plot or rambled a bit too hard there at the end, so sorry if it’s incoherent!! I rly like azami!! this was a very good story. im also ridiculously excited for winter.

HUH OH. SORRY ABOUT THAT LMAO. a3 relatability strikes again?

let's go into it!

dFKJDFKLFDJ zombie fun night is perfect. Banri is really being a good leader and figuring out how to have Azami engage with what they're going to do it's just. god Banri is good.

HELPP. Tenma scaredycat, but also for the lizard thing, so valid, i would do the same. AND HELP for the necklace. This is so funny. and yeah Azami's makeup skills truly are shining there! DLKFJDKLFJD being so used to a3 dropping emotional bombs that this just ended up being funny makes it even softer. But yeah agreed on the way Banri coaches him and still encourages him even though it's obvious Azami doesn't feel the same way about theater yet. For Banri who went from uninterested to "this is my whole life actually", it must be jarring to look at this past mirror, but even more reasons to take it easy.

God the Omi and Azami scene was so good. (friend was staring into oblivion during this whole scene and then cursed me. I would love to be all awww but i couldn't stop laughing.)

But yeah it was so nice that like, so many of them worked together in trying to help out? like it really shows that they're really all a family and a community now, and they'll try to help with their newest members as well. AND AWW. yeah Summer is happiness itself. always missing them. even Azami cannot resist them.

BUT YEAH Azami's awkwardness aroound Omi is just. man. Exactly as you say, it's just, difficult to approach right. but yeah it does serve to justify why it goes smoothly with Kumon on the other hand. Omimi's portrait… just, absolutely heartbreaking again as always. I wonder if Omi did take a break when he was being a delinquant and therefore is doubling down on being of service because he still feels guilty for this time. or if him joining the theater troupe is his vision of taking a break since it means his family has to handle things on their own. Or maybe like Juza and Taichi he's just being too hard on himself.

JUZA SO GOOD. ALWAYS.

and here's the meat of it! yes that CGI was so good man. You really feel just how important Azami is to Sakyo in that image. Also if i recall correctly, Kumon panicked over the phone so they really all expected it to be bad while it was just, Kumon panicking, which somewhat makes it even funnier to me. Anyway. Sakyo good dad. that's all i'd say. god this scene is so emo. AND YESS SOBS THE CARDS STUFF. IT'S GENUINELY SO EMO. Azami not able to believe Sakyo would care this much while of course Sakyo does, come on and it's just. god this arc. God the whole way you describe Azami's thoughtprocess is bringing me to tears. I feel like this is exactly how he felt it yeah. Sakyo is worrying about how he "betrayed" Azami by leaving while Azami would have been just fine with it if it didn't feel like Sakyo was abandonning him and only thinking of him as a duty, and it's just. godd. and goddd the way you describe the rest i'm just. soso emo. They really have a neat relationship, a hurt neither of them were able to explain to the other and therefore they hurt one another like that, but they genuinely care so much and want to be part of each other's lives and and y'know what Azami maybe Sakyo is the only dad you need.

SUMMER SO COOL YEAH!! And yeah the play is pretty nice, though yeah. I guess with Azami at makeup they tried new hair things but Taichi's hair stayed too red for it all smh! but i guess in a huge theater it might not matter so much.

SAKODA IS SOOOO GOOD, UNSUNG MVP OF THIS EPISODE. yeah for Tenma's "i always repay my debts" it's about how Autumn helped Kumon out, so Summer is going to help Autumn and Azami out as well basically. And yeah Tenma definitely see them as a team, he's Natsugumi's leader and therefore he speaks for and takes debts for all of Natsugumi. What a lad. But Natsugumi did such a good job and i love how hard they helped on this one. truly MVPs.

Also yes i love how all of Autumn was ready to fight except Taichi who was nervous, but i love even more that it's Taichi who comes up with the plan on how to infiltrate the base. Really reminding us that he was with the "Bad Boys" because of spy related crimes by how he can come up with plans to infiltrate stuff, but also i love this so much. It's kinda where i started to have my headcanon of "Taichi is scaryingly smart when it comes to illegal stuff". Like the idea of Taichi messing up say, simple math, but coming up with an infiltration plan that would even have Chikage pause is one of my favorit headcanons ever, and it all started because of this.

BUT YES THE CG WAS SO GODDAMN PERFECT. IT'S ONE OF MY FAV CG EVER IT'S SO FUNNY. And with the song in the back, it was GLORIOUS. i'm glad you liked Respawn!!!! it's such a neat song! Also i need to share this stage video: https://www.tumblr.com/icharchivist/708632707674079232?source=share

BUT YEAH it was so funny and i lOVE that they were dedicated in like, actually playing their animals like. dguys you didn't HAVE to. you're just so funny. AND JUZA'S "BEAAAR", it's so good. I love them so much.

Sakoda MPV <33333 he really does take care of Azami so well it's really soft.

And yeah Summer's exhaustion is a nice detail. god it makes me wonder for how long they went on, a wonder the public didn't get weirded out by it.

AND SOBS YEAH AZAMI'S SPEECH. YEAH. And also the "maybe it's because i have two assholes dad that i turned into such an asshole" with a bright smile on his face. god he's so good.

And eheheh for Shift, but, yeah. yeah…. AND SAKODA REALLY GOOD. and please just let them having some vkei related play it's all good!! it's worth it!! maybe this time none of you would oppose Juza wearing a dress if the whole thing is about being scared he wouldn't look feminine enough smh!! AND LDKJFKLDFJD MASUMI'S RARE INDIVIDUALISTIC MOMENT.

AND THAT ENDING!!! yeah < > are for foreign languages in general, and in their case it's their native one. But finally. Guy teasing just to build up to it now!!!

Ok so, now, Azami's dad.

"my dad who's not Sakyo" i love that we're carrying it on on "Real Dad Sakyo" and "Not Sakyo Dad", it says everything.

And i'm all good with the oversharing as long as you're comfortable with it, and man. Yeah i feel you on that, my family is pretty much the same. I've also had my family like, throw out or destroy my stuff, important stuff, either without my knowledge or in front of me, so to say i felt Azami really hard would be an understatement. It's a whole level of violation that is just, really hard to swallow and forgive. Impossible even.

Honestly the whole writings over the problematic dads of Mankai, in the whole story, is so conflicting to me in general. I feel like. The issue is that most of the bad parents we meet don't have anything else going for them, the only thing we know about them per se is their function in society, and that they're bad with their kids. They're tools for their kids's backstory more than actual people. And i feel like Azami's dad actually sounds like a real person. A conflicting, messed up person with his own issues, and that ends up hurting Azami as a result. There's a difficulty to reconcile how the dad took good care of Sakyo as a kid for instance, to how he behaved with Azami, and it's really unnerving in general. And as such it puts Sakyo in a position of wanting to defend the man because he owes him so much, and it's difficult to blame him for that, but as a result Azami loses one of his major support.

Honestly my feelings about Azami's dad are complicated. I believe he's the one father of Mankai who can actually realistically work on his issues and improves his relationship with Azami. I believe he cares for Azami on some level more than just material (in opposition to how i'd consider Tenma's, who cared for his carreer more, and Masumi's, who only cared when he needed to fill his divorce's loneliness, and well, Misumi's don't care.). So i end up believing there is a possibility still for this relationship to improve in a realistic way that doesn't feel just like a deus ex machina like the others dads have been. but god, this particular brand of neglect and mistreatment truly also struck a core with me and therefore i can't totally go unbiased about it and ends up just, uncomfortable and unsure. It's so complicated.

Mostly i'd say my different approach is that, even if Tenma, Masumi or Misumi wants to work things out with their dad, i would be completely opposed to it. Purely "why the fuck, no, that's not worth it" at them. But if Azami wants to work it out it's like. "Fine. just stay safe, know you can remove yourself from it whenever you feel like it, and remember to be yourself, and bail out anytime something would go out of hands". yaknow?

But yeah i agree i feel like it really puts Azami in a position of hypervigilence. Everything had to always be a secret, calculated, you only show to your father what you're ready to defend, and it would make some stuff like romance or passions in general, stuff that leaves you emotionally vulnerable, as something that's just too much risk for very little reward. So you just closes in completely.

so Sakyo being there and actually showing him that he can just be himself and he doesn't have to worry more ahead of it is meaningful because yeah, like you say, it gives him a parental figure who is actually willing to let him experiment and be free without having to always be prepared to defend why you want to do something.

“after seeing my boss, I get the feeling there’s no dad out there who doesn’t care about his kids.” i actually really hate this line in a sense, i know Sakyo is mostly just, extrapolating to what he's seeing now, but i hate it on a personal level. I do think Azami's dad cares for Azami, but yeah exactly like you said, like Homare's grandma, his own issues means he hurt Azami in ways that are ways too deep for love to just be enough. Sometimes parents love you and hurt you more than a parent who would merely tolerate you. Because they love you so much they want to make sure you're well fitted to the world and ends up messing you up as a result.

But yeah god, i'm glad we're on the same page, you can't say "all dads care for their kids" when you're living with those kids, and Misumi's in particular. This makes me see so red. I get Sakyo has a personal bias here but giod. but yeah Sakyo probably only knows about Masumi's and yeah, Masumi's dad was reasonable at the end that he might work it out. but also like, didn't Sakyo's dad abandon hm and his mom?! that the whole reason his mom had a hard time in life was because of that? bc i don't remember if Sakyo's absent dad is due to abandon or death. Bc if it's abandon, i feel like Sakyo shouldn't be the one saying all dad cares yaknow? I still think that, the Wastonian reasons of it all, is because Sakyo owes so much to the Boss that he tries to rationalize things in his favor yaknow? But the Doylist reason, i think, is mostly that the one weakness of a3's writing is truly with how they manage to create realistic scenarios of abuses and the way it affects the kids, but then they want to solve it with the parents going "my bad", and the problem is that it's not how coping with abuse works yaknow.

SAKODA IS SOOO COOL HERE YEAH. Like man, the glow up Sakoda got in this arc with how much he would go to hell for this kid and fight the devil himself if he had to. god. unsung mvp.

Azami is totally entitled to throw that at his father's face, go Azami go.

" sakyo bowing FOR azami is so good. like I think this scene hit me so hard bc like both sakoda and sakyo who have the lives they do now mostly in thanks to the ginsenkai, are like… sticking up for azami. who is fifteen and thus hasn’t really Given them anything but like his presence. and they care enough about him to stick up for him anyways. " OGHHH SO TRUE. THIS IS REALLY SO. SO GOOD.

and you're right about Azami's collage being the way it was. It makes sense Azami just didn't want to share this vulnerability, especially with Sakyo, at a point where he still believed Sakyo didn't care for him on top of that. It's really just. man.

SOBS AND YEAH FOR THE MAGIC BRUSH….

"and then his bio dad’s response to all of this. “well, aren’t you all just making me out to be some evil villain. you think there’s a parent out there who doesn’t want to support his child’s dreams?” yes. yes absolutely. " DJFHDL LEGIT. GOD.

But yeah i feel you on everything else you mention about Azami's dad it's just. Acting like Azami was at fault for not making it clear he was serious, while also making the environment too hostile for Azami to even come out and say that. He's responsible for how Azami couldn't trust him and then he blames Azami for not trusting him in a sense. It's really frustrating, and it feels like he's deflecting the blame, while also kinda taking the blame itself. I'm glad he's trying to fix things, and i do think he feels guilty, but it's still so sour.

and i'm so sorry your parents made you feel all those things :( but yeah i totally get what you mean on how it relates to Azami. It's just so unfair to put on him the pressure to be the best of the best.

In a sense i feel it fits a lot of the thematic of Autumn of like… The reasons they have Regrets to start with is because of the expectations people have put on them, whenever it is over their abilities (Banri) or their appearance (Juza) or their age (Sakyo) ect. And i feel like Azami is in this situation where he's about to regret it if he doesn't take his own life in between his hands. He has to break free from those expectations and fights for what he wants. but god. He shouldn't have to fight for it. ig you can't expect Yakuza to do things the easy way, but god he really shouldn't have to fight for it it makes me so sad.

"are you looking more at your dead wife than you’re looking at your actual child" so true unfortunately hhhh.

But yeah i hope Azami gets more ways to process everything later on :/

I do think that, out of all the bad fathers' plotline, like i said, this is the most realistic one in a sense, and i do think it's well written in general. And i do think that when it comes to abused/neglected kids and their parents, there is also just… i know online the consensus is "children should just cut ties with their toxic parents" and i get how it's the easiest way to see it, to free yourself for good for the influence, but it comes with its own type of downsides that are rarely discussed and is also a lot of pressure to put on a kid. Obviously, if it's too toxic it SHOULD be the case, like i said, chara like Misumi in particular are better off moving past it, but i feel like, in Azami's situation, where despite all the hurt and all the pain, Azami still definitely see his father as a human whom he wants to work things out with… It's just really complicated. I have really messy feelings about all of this.

I do hope Azami would manage to be more resentful and end up being able to actually discuss with his dad and challenge him like, no, YOUR behavior was truly fucked up, it's not fair to ask of ME to communicate my feelings better when you never tried to listen, yaknow?

Anyway i do feel like this sort of… complicated messy conflicting feelings of resentment and yet wanting to work it out that is in Azami and his father's storyline, for how fucked up his father is, actually works very well and is very realistic, even if there would be wishes for Azami not to bother at all for it. I feel like it allows Azami the grace of having really mixed feelings about all of this without going to one extreme or the next about how to be with his father, and it's something i really personally connected with, as someone with a very difficult relationship with my family, who thought cutting ties was my best solution at some point, and now as an adult, have to deal with how while i could never ever forgive them, the other extreme isn't satisfying to me, on multiple levels. I don't like his father, but i want Azami to be able to work it out in the way he would consider satisfying, and i think that the story is written in a way that leaves this approach possible and addresses it as such, in a way i think the others bad dads of Mankai get too much of a free pass. but man. messy. And with the patern of bad dads getting off too easily this can come up as much more sour than the conflicting feelings it could have actually worked on if the others dads were treated accordingly imo.

Azami's storyarc genuinely did hit hard for me as well because of that. He's not a chara i particularly relate to outside of this specific plotline but this plotline hits not only very deep, but on mixed feelings that are hard for me to face in fiction, so it's always hard to look at.

On the light hearted side, my friend we talked about was cursing me the whole storyarc bc of how he related to Azami and then Azami's portrait happened and he genuinely just went "okay you know what fuck you" and was so emotionally damaged by the mirror that i could forget for a bit my own pain by letting him suffer a bit. Terrible friend moment.

Anyway!!! it's all good, i'm glad you did ramble, it was really nice to read and well, it's interesting things to think about, even if the conclusion isn't easily clear cut.

I'm really glad you liked Azami and his story!!!

And ehehe Winter soon <3333

And "Conquering Misoshiosa Island!" first!

Take care and always feel free to ramble <333

#ichareply #long post for ts #ichafantalks a3 #aranarumei

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thewingedmuse · 2 years ago

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Hi! It was me who requested This reading… Thank you so much for doing it even though I sent it anonymously!! 💕 The Godzilla thing really had me puzzled at first, but it ended up being interesting to think out and write. I was actually thinking I might have done it wrong, because what other people had written was so different to what I had sent, so I’m happy you liked it so much! I wanted to give you some feedback about the reading, because it’s the right thing to do, of course, but also because I know you value it a lot 🥰

First of all, I felt kinda honored (?) you pulled the High Priestess for the reading… Though I don’t practice tarot myself (yet? 🤔), I’ve been studying quite a bit about it and it’s one of my favorite cards of the major arcana (the Wheel of Fortune is the other one!). Even though it’s a hypothetical reading I couldn’t help but feel excited about that being the energy of the “relationship” 🙈

Now, the fact that you didn’t know about Hongjoong before doing the reading makes it 10000x more impressive, because I think you were definitely spot on with your description of him! (From what I know as a fan, of course… I know artists don’t show their whole self to the public, but I’d bet other Atiny would agree). I’m not kidding when I tell you I could totally picture him in my head while reading! In a lot of the group’s content you can see Hongjoong with that soft, wholesome smile while looking at the members talk or do things, and don’t even get me started on the second paragraph!

Like, if you know astrology, he’s a Scorpio sun 10H and Capricorn rising… This man’s job is his whole life (he has said this himself btw), and you can bet he takes it seriously. That’s actually what made me a fan of Ateez and of him, particularly; I really admire his drive, motivation and perseverance, and I can assure you he has the next 10 years of his life planned out 😂 He became his company’s first trainee, a small company that had no means to compete with the bigger agencies and wasn’t even taking new people at the time. As their leader, he guided the group to domestic and international success (like, they’re on tour right now filling 20k seat venues! 🥹) and helped keep the company afloat during the pandemic. Even though their music is quite conceptual and not the general public’s cup of tea, they’ve managed to create a loyal fandom, and succeed while staying true to their essence and vision.

It’s also interesting that you mentioned he has “amazing energy”, because I felt that way about him right away, since I stumbled upon the first Ateez video I ever watched, like “wow, this dude is different…”, but I’ve also seen a few tarot readers on here say the same thing! Really, he is a great person: kind, compassionate and caring, he’s very aware of social issues and is involved in a lot of charity work too 🥹

Anyways, I hope this isn’t too boring but in short you killed it! It was a great reading and (in my opinion), a very accurate portrayal of Hongjoong. Sorry it took me a while to send you my feedback 🙏🏼 Thank you so much for reading for me and I hope you have a great day! 🥰

(Also if your entwined bonds event is still open I’d love to participate… would it be ok to do it if I already got this reading? 🙏🏼)

Thank you so much for your feedback!! I'm glad to know now the person who made my favourite Godzilla reading haha 💖 I'm so happy you love the reading, Hongjoong truly is an amazing person. The way you are so passionate about him really is lovely to see, like you are not only enthusiastic about their music but also greatly care about who he is as an individual! I think this kind of fan dynamics is very touching 💝 I feel honoured to have made the reading for you!

And sure you can join, there's no rules saying you can't after you've joined one but you have to be patient as there are about 40 before you. Hope you have an amazing day too!

#asks #feedback #thewingedmuse:ifonly🍷

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annihilate-this-week · 2 years ago

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Fuck it, here’s a piece of the chapter I’m editing.

"The more humorous flirting is, the better," he said. "When you try to be too serious about it, it just gets creepy."

"Unless you're really serious, and it just gets hot," Tanya said, still grinning.

"Oh, does it?" Danny said in a lascivious tone. She could tell he was grinning too.

"It can... but only if you're really good."

"Whoa," he giggled. "I feel like we're about to have phone sex."

In a more normal tone, she asked, "Have you ever had phone sex before?"

"No!" he declared, sounding scandalized.

"What? It's not a bad thing," she said, smiling. "I have."

"Like... a lot?" he asked.

"No, not a lot. Well..." she thought for a second. "That's a complicated question."

"Well, I definitely need to hear the full story now," Danny said. He sounded like he was still amused, which was good.

"OK," Tanya sighed, curling up in the doorway and putting her hand over her face. "Promise you won't judge?"

"No no, I'm sure I could tell you some embarrassing stories about my history too. It's fine. Just tell me."

"OK, yeah. Here goes. Ummmm..." She thought for a moment. "I guess it was 13 years ago now. So yeah, when I was 26. Anyway, I was on this website that was sort of a profile/message board type thing? Forerunner to social media. And it was very hetero in tone. At the time, of course, I was so deep in the closet, not only did other people not know I was a woman, I didn't know I was a woman. Anyway..." She began speaking even more quietly than she already had been. "I was one of the few 'gay boys' or whatever on the site. And of course, we all found each other and started IM-ing and shit like that. One of them really dug me, and he actually lived in Memphis, so at one point because I'm crazy, I saved up a bunch of money and drove out to spend a weekend with him."

"I've done that kind of thing," Danny said. "Flew out to spend some time with a girl in Florida that I'd met on a Facebook group. That was several years ago. Turned out to be a huge mistake. Had a miserable time. The less said about it, the better." He laughed. "But yeah, I understand."

"I'm glad," she said. "The whole thing was a big mistake for me, but I didn't find that out for a while. Anyway, back then I still had a land line, and so did he. We had to buy long distance cards at convenience stores to call each other. And like, I think it would have been super creepy if it had happened at first, but we used to spend so much time on the phone, especially late at night, and one night... well, he told me he was really horny, and he started doing stuff to himself, and I could tell it was real. I could tell he was... aroused. And I could tell when he got off."

"Oh my god," Danny said. "I'm not sure I'd be into that."

"I wasn't sure if I was!" Tanya said. "But that wasn't the only time it happened, and by like... the third time, it was starting to really turn me on. And he'd get me to talk to him about fantasy stuff, things we could do together, and then... I started to participate as well."

"Really?" Danny's mind was clearly blown. "That is wild."

"I dunno," Tanya said, feeling self-conscious. "Maybe it was dumb to tell you that story. That's the only relationship I ever had phone sex as part of. But we did it a whole bunch. We were together for about six months, and living six hours apart, so yeah... it happened on a regular basis by the end."

"So what happened to end that relationship?" Danny asked, then quickly added, "I mean, if you don't mind my asking."

"Nah, it's ancient history," Tanya said. "Actually, you'll probably find this funny -- I can never really enjoy sex if people are thinking of me as masculine, and he would say stuff... I just wasn't comfortable. And I tried to tell him that I wanted him to see me as more of a soft sweet delicate partner, not a rough and scratchy partner. Or something like that. He didn't get it. And it bugged him. He was all 'But you're a man, aren't you?' And I didn't really answer, and he got all uptight, and I finally told him that I had women's clothes I wore sometimes. He thought it meant I did drag, and he already didn't think much of that, but I was trying to explain that it was more of a private thing, more how I, um... I guess how I wanted to be perceived in intimate situations? God, does that make any sense?"

"A thousand percent," Danny said. "I've said similar things to partners pre-transition. From the masc side, obviously, but I know exactly what you mean. It's gone better with some partners than others."

"Yeah," Tanya said, and snorted. "Did not go well with this guy. At all. I mean, that wasn't the end of our relationship, but we never saw each other in person again after that, and things were awkward even on the phone for the next few weeks. After a while, it started to seem like... why am I spending $20 on another long-distance card to call this dude who just makes me feel weird and bad? So I just stopped. Wrote him a long email, and we agreed it wasn't working out." She barked a short laugh. "So much for talking all flirtatiously with you about phone sex. Now we're just having another serious conversation."

"That's OK," Danny said. "I like that you're serious. You're a thoughtful person with a lot of history and a lot of depth."

"So I'm old and uptight, is that what you're saying?" Tanya cracked, grinning.

"You know that's not what I mean!" Danny said. "You're definitely not old. To me, you're more like... sexy older lady with experience." He laughed in a muffled way. "Sorry, that didn't come out very well."

"No no, I know what you mean," she said. "Did you just laugh into your pillow?"

He chuckled again. "Yeah, I did. I'm amazed you can hear that."

"I pay attention when I'm on the phone with you," Tanya said. "So are you comfortable right now? Is your bed soft and warm?"

"It's a little too warm," Danny said. "I'm actually lying here in just my boxers, with just a sheet over me. But it's soft and comfortable. I have this really nice bed that I bought back when I was in my last serious relationship, which I thought... You know, I thought she was the one. But I was also figuring out the whole trans thing, and I was starting to use 'they' pronouns, and wearing a binder all the time... She finally lost it on me one night and started talking about how she didn't like seeing me turning into a man, and all this, and I was sitting there like, 'Is that what's going on? Am I turning into a man?' And I decided I was, and that's what I wanted, and she decided to leave. Aaaaand now here I am, four years later, still sleeping in this high-dollar bed we bought together back then. All by myself."

Tanya's mind whirled. She could go so many directions from this story and she wanted to go in all of them at once. She settled for saying, "I would be there with you if I could be."

#I've never posted any of this stuff in public before #only on my Patreon #being back on tumblr is doing things to me lol #oh btw yes both characters are trans

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187days · 2 years ago

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Day Eighty-Nine

Today and tomorrow are the last days of first semester. Or, at least, they’re supposed to be; there’s a big snowstorm coming, so the actual last day might end up being Monday or Tuesday instead of tomorrow.

But anyways.

The last two days are half days (two ninety-minute blocks, ten minute break in between) so that teachers can give final exams if they want to and students won’t end up taking four of them in one day. After that, most students go home. But the ones who need to complete or revise their work in order to achieve a passing grade are required to stay until 2:20 to work with their teachers, and sometimes others opt to stay in order to improve- like, kids who have, say, a C+, might stay to get their grades up into the B range in order to make the honor roll- and I think that’s awesome.

I don’t give final exams, so my students spent the block wrapping up their work. My APGOV students shared what they’d done for their political participation projects, which was really cool because of the variety: some of them interviewed elected officials, political staffers, candidates, etc...; some of them attended local board meetings; some of them wrote letters to the governor; some of them participated in protests and demonstrations. The point I wanted to emphasize was that they can and should be involved in those ways, and I’d say I was successful in getting that across.

I had them do a course reflection- and got some very sweet notes from that- while I proofread and wrote feedback on their projects (flaunting my much-discussed grading speed right there). After that, I told them they could use the remaining time to make any necessary revisions, or they could do other things (I knew a bunch of them had a physics project to finish). But, before they left, I handed them each a letter because it’s my tradition to write them one last lesson, thank them for the semester, and wish them luck in the future.

My Block 2 section of World came in for the second block of the day. My students had the option to take the content quiz for this unit on current events, or present one of the pieces from their multi-genre projects. About a third of them opted to present; they shared videos, slideshows, poems, and so on. It was very cool. Afterwards, I had them do a peer edit. I’d loaded the projects on Classroom without names on them, and I had students choose two to read and write about. They had to tell me at least three things they’d learned from the project, and what its author did well/what could be improved. After that, I gave them time to revise their projects or any other work they wanted to revise, turn in any missing work, retake any assessments, etc, etc...

I took the last five minutes to show a video recap of the class (clips from different things I’d shown, some reminders of my oft-repeated lessons) ending with my last lesson: that what they do in this world matters. It was disrupted a bit by the secretary in the main office announcing sports cancelations, kind of ruined the moment, but my students still applauded and thanked me on their way out. So, ehh, it’s fine.

I had one come back for help in the afternoon, and I was so glad he did. I was worried he wouldn’t, but I’d told him that he would be able to pass my class if he did. He finished his multi-genre project, he made up assignments he’d missed (he’s absent a lot), he revised his book paper... and he made it. I’m so proud of him for making good choices today.

It was definitely a busy day for me, what with all the grading (and students impatiently waiting for the grading no matter how fast I am) and making sure everything was wrapped up before the bell. But it was a good day. Tomorrow- or whenever- I’ll have my Block 3 section of world, then I’ll have the rest of the day to get ready for brand new classes to begin!

#teaching #teacher #teachblr #edublr #education #educhums #high school #social studies #the semester is over #day eighty nine

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father-time-and-baby-new-year · 3 years ago

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happy 200! i’m so glad to see your blog grow, it’s one of my favorites and i adore all your writing. i’ve never cried so much and i love the kind of unsettling feeling you write in your fics, it’s perfect in the category of yandere and dark content. in particular, i loved your drabble about shigaraki mourning over a dead reader and i’ve reread that one too many times to count haha! as for asks for headcannons and drabbles, it would be amazing to see that with bully!eren especially since he was such an awful person to the reader. i’d love to see him suffer honestly, but if you don’t want to write it, that’s completely fine! once again, i’m so proud of you for hitting 200! that’s such a huge milestone and hopefully, there will be many more in the future! :)

SYNOPSIS: bully!Eren has to navigate the world without you.

Pairing: Bully!Eren x Fem!Reader

A/N: I can't even explain in words how much I CHEESED at this message like my grin was ear to ear. can't explain how many times I read this. It singlehandedly made my day anon, and to repay you for my happiness....here is some angst. this is a slightly different route than the shiggy one but I hope it still suits you <3

TW: mentions of death, past dubcon/noncon, mentions of trauma, bullying, alcohol addiction, drunk driving, abusive behavior, revenge porn, nonconsensual photography/videography, mentions of infidelity, angst, so much of angst, violent behavior

WC: 2.5k

It's not like Eren had been doing a lot of soul-searching. He's not delusional enough to label his half-assed epiphany of "maybe I'm a shitty person" as soul searching.

It's just the conversation with his very sick mother burned holes through the back of his mind. Carla had asked about you and why you don't come by the house anymore. How she missed baking with you in the kitchen, and how you sweetly smiled whenever you would see soft creamy peaks form in the meringue.

Eren felt like he was swallowing needles as he assured his mother with false truths, that nothing was going on and distance between childhood friends is natural, and if it means so much--ok ok he'll bring you over.

He stays until he sees her chest slowly rising and falling into a gentle asleep. He touches the tip of his ears, unsurprised by how hot it was.

Eren, when you tell a lie, the tips of your ears turn red.

You're not at school the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.

Guilt is not an emotion he feels often but the events of the past weekend replay in his mind. It was just a dumb party that Floch threw, and he was surprised to find you cornered by a trio of thee dunderheads. Like a distorted fairytale, he swept you away from the bad guys like a knight in shining armor, to only shove you in an empty room and demand compensation for playing hero.

Fuck, with that big mouth, you would think that you'd know how to suck cock.

Use your tongue stupid slut. If you use teeth, I'll shove this dick in your ass without any prep.

No, I don't care, you're taking all of it.

There's a video on his camera roll. How could he not record it? You're sobbing, mascara running down your cheeks, looking so beautiful and ruined with jizz smeared at the corner of your mouth. He was brutally fucking your mouth, making you take all of his length.

Breathe through your nose dumb whore. Or else you're gonna run out of air.

You were pleading with whatever garbled sounds you were constricted into producing.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren is conflicted with muting the video because he can't stand to hear himself like that. But he didn't want to miss out on your pitiful whines.

He remembers the distraught expression on your face when he was finally done with you. He tucked himself inside, and sneered, "I've got a girl coming here. Get lost." You looked so fucking distraught. Why? All he did was make you suck his dick. He didn't even fuck you.

He should have. Eren thinks grimly when he stares at your empty desk on the first day you didn't show up to school. He's gotten off to the video more than enough times than he can count over the weekend, and he was aching to see your pretty face twisted into a terrorized expression when he flipped up your skirt to grope your ass.

Kindly, Eren decides he'd allow you to have a rest day. But the second day, Eren pays a visit to your house finding it dark and locked, like no one was home and hadn't been there for a while.

On the third day, you're declared missing.

Your incompetent workaholic mother who finally came home and decided to give a damn reported you missing to the authorities who had scratched their heads because as far as they knew, the pivotal 72 hours were up.

Paradis was surrounded by forests. No one wanted to say it, but they were all thinking it. If you got lost in there, chances are you wouldn't make it out.

Eren wasn't always this admired and fawned over. He had his fair share of behavioral issues that frightened people (not you though, not then at least, not when you were children, and you still came back every day to play).

But when he channeled that anger into sports, there was somewhat of a star in the making, especially for some small-town boy. He was becoming extremely popular, and that's nice and all, but at the end of the day, he has a mother whose health was taking a sharp decline. He was constantly under stress, stress that he took out on you.

Where did his favorite stress-ball go?

It's all fucking surreal. Having detectives in the school. Not that there were many students to question (because christ, did you even have any friends after Eren turned everyone against you?).

Eren was questioned. He can't help but mirthfully chuckle. Maybe this was your grand plan, maybe you were able to finally sort out a mountain of evidence against him. If you were going to fuck him over, didn't you want to see it happen with your own two eyes?

The dark-haired boy wishes that was true. If you had gotten your revenge, would you be here? No, revenge isn't the right word. If you got any justice for what he made you suffer, would you come back?

Hi, I'm Detective Hange. I would like to ask you some questions today. You're Eren Yeager, right?

Yes, that's me.

How do you know ___?

We were childhood friends. We're uh, we're not as close anymore.

When was the last time you saw her?

Friday night at Floch's party-

-Floch Forster right? There were a number of kids there from your school.

Yeah. It was a big party. She uh, doesn't usually come to parties but she was there that night.

You were the last person to be seen with her. Other kids have said that they saw you and her entering a room together, and then only her leaving the said room.

[Sigh] Yeah we sorta...hooked up.

I thought you said you guys weren't close anymore.

You can be not close to someone and still hook up with them.

But you guys were close once right?

Yeah. Once.

The dark-haired boy asks if he was under any suspicion. The detective waves their hand in a dismissive gesture, “If her diary tells us anything, it’s only that she really liked you.”

Were detectives even allowed to divulge that sort of information? Eren doesn’t know but the stray detail that they offered off-handedly made him feel like he was swallowing needles.

At that point, Eren honestly still doesn't believe you're gone. You had a habit of running away, even when you were little kids, but you always came back.

Still, he participates in the search parties with a renewed vigor, even going alone in the forest with a flashlight on most nights.

And he's just so fucking tired. The darkest crevice of his mind almost wishes you were dead because this ignorance was just agony. Almost. Because he still clings to the feeling that one day, he’ll stroll into class and find you in your seat in the back of the class, looking out the window like some cliche shojo manga protagonist.

There are folders and folders on his phone. Albums. The most recent one is dedicated to your crying face as you were choking on his dick. Earlier albums are composed of creepshots of your panties, of that obscene o-face, of your skirt flipped up and your ass cheeks, pictures of your cleavage, videos of you thrashing as he dunked your head into toilets like a villainous middle school bully.

Pictures of your neck covered in hickeys, your naked breasts, ass cheeks striped with red after getting spanked, your leaking cunt, just endless and endless media dedicated to pieces and pieces of your body like you were never a whole person.

The earliest ones though tell a different tale, from off-guards to your drooling face as you napped in the middle of the day.

He has a favorite picture. Your eyes are watery from the cold, snowflakes stuck between lashes, nose and cheeks flushed red, and you're smiling. Smiling right to the camera. Right at him.

"Eren, are you taking a picture?" You asked, bouncing in place, giddy that it was finally snowing.

"Not of you, shut up. Get out of the way." His voice is gruff but not harsh.

You laughed and jumped into frame anyway, and the bright streetlamp behind you made you seem like you were wearing a halo.

He wishes he had more pictures of you being...yourself. Because now your crying face displayed over countless pixels haunt him. But like a fucking degenerate, he still jerks off to all the nudes he coerced from you. Sometimes he cries when he's jerking off which is probably the most pathetic thing he's ever done. This is what you've reduced him to.

He hates the sound of his own voice.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren goes through the motions of life without really feeling like he's in the moment. Seasons change and time flies. His mother dies, and his withdrawn father dies a year later. He proposes to Mikasa because it's something he was always supposed to do. She loves him unconditionally, so even when he doesn't put any effort into the relationship but proposes, she says yes hoping he'll change and be a good husband.

He doesn't go to his parents' funerals because they're already dead. What's the point. He doesn't visit the candlelight vigils in your honor either. After tearing his ACL again and a somewhat traumatic injury, he kisses his pro-football career goodbye. To be totally honest, he's relieved. Because he had gotten quite bored, and maybe he was looking for excuses to quit the entire time. It's not like you'd be cheering on the bleachers anyways.

Mikasa has an affair, more out of a desire to see her fiancé feel something for her as opposed to any burning lust. But when she asks him if he's ever cared at all, with tears springing out of her eyes, he's just calmly drinking his fifth of whisky.

The dark-haired man doesn't even look up, "Let's break up."

"Is this about her, huh? Fucking get over it already Eren. She's GONE. And you have some big fucking audacity moping about her death like you weren't making her cry in the bathroom stalls every fucking day you piece of shit."

"Get out."

"You know what, I bet she killed herse-"

SMASH

The dark-haired woman doesn't finish her rant because the whiskey bottle smashes on the wall next to her head, sending glass everywhere and staining the carpet amber. She's unharmed, knowing it wasn't Eren's intention to hit her but Jesus Christ, what a monster.

She packs her bags and leaves the town like she should have a long time ago. All her friends had left years before and she stayed behind because that's where Eren was. She thanks her lucky stars that they didn't marry.

It's funny because he had always imagined himself being the first to move out of their small town, but he's the one staying. He can't leave this place. feels too tethered to ever leave. Every diner and liquor store is saturated with memories of you. He remembers buying cigarettes and exhaling the smoke to your face to piss you off in empty parking lots.

Maybe he stays in case you'll come back.

Eren's days consist of alcohol-fueled hazes. He doesn't know how his liver is still functioning. He doesn't know he's still alive after crashing his car into a tree when he was drunk out of his mind. He was on his way to get some more vodka.

He barely recognizes himself in the mirror anymore, not that he looks at himself much. His hair is long, nestled around his shoulder because he couldn't be bothered to cut it, dark circles under viridian eyes, and a perpetual stubble on his jaw.

His parents had left quite a sizable inheritance so there's no need to work but he's good with his hands. Likes crafting up birdhouses and cabinets, and occasionally does odd jobs around the neighborhood, never charging the elderly.

He's under the sink, tinkering with a wrench against the pipes when he hears the old lady coo at him.

"We're so lucky to have you Eren. I'm surprised a handsome young man like yourself doesn't have a special lady. The girls must be lining up at your door!"

The dark-haired man winces, and offers no comment, knowing that that the older lady was susceptible to long tangents.

"You know, we're getting a new neighbor." Eren grunts as a response. "They're young, I've heard. Isn't that exciting? Oh my, Eren! I think they're gonna be living in the house right next to yours..."

He tunes out the rest of the conversation because doesn't really care. He just hopes his new neighbors are quiet.

It's Sunday noon when obnoxious noises of moving trucks and people wake him up from his deep slumber. Eren's annoyed to wake up despite the fact he's probably been sleeping over 15 hours. He oscillates between getting too much sleep and getting none, his sleeping habits completely dependent on his dreams.

His nightmares are too visceral, visions of your corpse asking him if he'd enjoyed hollowing your soul with his teeth.

His dreams are achingly sweet. You in your prom gown, shining so iridescently like diamonds were sewn into the silk. He's dancing with you, holding you close, and then after you guys go to your favorite diner and gorge on burgers and milkshakes.

There's a peal of distinctly feminine laughter that stirs up Eren's senses. He's so pathetic, was the mere sound of a woman laughing getting him excited?

He sighs. He thinks of the whore he's frequently visited because of her resemblance to you. Hair color, skin color, face shape--with enough alcohol, he could really convince the person beneath him, was you. Maybe it's time to give her a call, but she's gotten so fucking needy and he hated how her voice didn't match yours.

The green-eyed man peers from the lace curtains, irritated by the brats playing on his lawn. A full family next door? Great, just what he needs.

The friendly knock on his door breaks him out of his daze. He contemplates whether he should answer but on the second more muted knock, he lets his feet guide him.

He turns the knob.

And Eren Yeager completely shatters.

Because it's you isn't it? You're the person standing in front of him? He can hear what you're saying but he doesn't really register it, soaking in the cadence of a voice he had long forgotten because all he had were pleading whimpers and frenzied moans stored on his cell.

He's shaking. Is he dreaming? He's dreaming, right? He knows it's you. You're older, far more beautiful than he's ever seen you. You have a different hairstyle, wearing clothes he would have mocked you for, and there's this joyfulness within you that makes you glow.

There's a mess of emotions electrifying in the pits of his stomach from euphoria, anger, and dread. He could feel his skin growing clammy like he was about to vomit at any second.

"Hey, are you all right?"

Doe eyes full of concern peer up at him. He voices out the syllables of your name like a desperate prayer.

You tilt your head to the side, "How do you know my name?"

#eren yeager x reader #bully eren yeager #toxic eren #eren yeager x you #yandere eren x reader #eren jeager x reader #eren x fem!reader #eren yeager x reader fanfiction #attack on titan fanfiction #dubcon tw #tw noncon #tw abuse #tw drinking #tw drunk driving #eren yeager fanfiction #dark content #dark fic #tw trauma #tw depr

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