#any tombstone doesnt even have to be his

[sea-buns]

"Liar, frumpy, wrong."

he died as he lived

[the-s1lly-corner]

Jeff and Ticci Toby losing the reader

I know it's a ploy to get me to buy the membership thing for spotify but I am so sick and tired of the "playing recommended songs based on playlist" like dude. I selected the 600+ song playlist for a reason. Only upside is that it introduced me to new axie and bearghost songs but otherwise it's so annoying ffs

Notes: Reader is GN although the post mostly focuses on the boys

CWs: Reader is dead although the cause is unknown, not Jeff and Toby's faults, canon typical violence

Jeff

He loses it, you were probably the one person who could give him some sort of normalcy- a reminder of how things were like before.. and sure he would probably never fully live a normal or domestic life but having someone to come home to was nice

He got comfortable and familiar and just like that you were gone

To say hes spiraling is an understatement, hes usually so uncaring when someone dies but you were different and he cant help but hate you for that even if its unfair

Theres more deaths and attacks cropping up in the coming weeks, if hes not careful he might end up getting caught

The blow is softer than if you had died slowly, such as from illness but if you were just.. knocked down quickly? Way worse, hes going to get nastier

When he does eventually come back down he does visit your old home, he cant really bring himself to go to your grave for a while. He sometimes talks out loud while hes leaning against the wall, just talking about.. anything, his day, what's going on and so on- for someone who represses these kinds of emotions hes expressing them an awful lot even if hes by himself

Ticci Toby

Hes the opposite of Jeff, unless someone killed you. Then he would set the world ablaze trying to get back at the person

Otherwise he withdrawls into himself, hes still doing just enough to survive but hes more closed off than before and doesnt do more than he needs to

He visits your grave often, usually at night so he doesnt bump into any fellow mourners

Leaves cool rocks hes found at your tombstone

He doesnt talk out loud but theres a lot of thoughts on his mind

He hates how familiar it feels, more than anything

[hjemne]

look......... it's Knives..... I can't explain you just gotta trust me here

(auto-generated translation into English just doesnt convey anywhere near the correct tone. this is one of those poems where you really need to hear it read and feel the violent apathy spitting from it. but anyway AHH. it's knives)

some analysis under the cut:

It's written in the French alexandrine (12 syllables, usually split into 2 equal hemistiches of 6, with alternating 'masculine' and 'feminine' rhyming couplets). I can't quite explain the masculine Vs feminine rhyme thing to non french speakers, but it's the -ette / -ade / -iennent (t not pronounced) endings which contrast with the -vieux / -pu / -beau etc etc masculine rhymes. It just gives the poem a really gorgeous flow and structure and I'm sad that it's basically impossible to fully replicate in translation - if you want to feel the original, then maybe listen to a recording of it while looking at the English translation

the 'bed which transforms into a tombstone' is just such an incredible line I love it so so much. In the original, 'fleurdelisé' means 'decorated with the fleur-de-lis' (⚜️) which was the symbol for the french royal family. I just love the imagery around royalty and a place of rest being twisted into a grave. None of the riches of the world can save this king who cannot find joy or beauty (or any emotion, really) in the world, not even in bloodshed

ALSO the line 'ce cruel malade' (= this cruel sick [man]) is so so so interesting. In french you can use adjectives as nouns so 'malade' means sick/unwell, but also can mean a sick person. But here it reduces the entire person to their sickness, which is super fascinating because it suggests there's no possible recovery and it's something fundamental to who & what they are. AND THEN there's this 'cruel' added in front of 'malade' - normally in french the adjective goes after the noun, and putting it before (i.e. ce CRUEL malade) really emphasizes the adjective. And ahhh the image of this tyrannical sickness is so cool because we usually see sick ppl as helpless / victim to circumstance, and so someone being defined by their sickness AND cruelty is both unusual and emphasising their agency AND ALSO their lack of agency in their situation. It's SO fitting for knives because he is 'malade' in the sense that his trauma has defined and shaped everything about him, and he didn't really have any control over this 'illness'. BUT he responds to it with this cruelty and apathy that leaves him isolated from the world that he rules over and subjugates.

and also not to overthink things but 'les dames d'atour pour qui tout prince est beau' - there is NO real loyalty towards him from his inner circle. Every prince is beautiful for them, and so every prince is interchangeable. They are with him because he is a prince, and they don't actually value him beyond his royal title. The GHGs work for Knives because he's the most powerful guy, not because they actually are loyal to him or care much for his cause, with the exception of legato doing his grotesque song and dance trying to please Knives but never actually gets the approval and thanks from Knives that he craves

reading Conrad as the wiseman who can create gold (presumably via transmutation i.e. alchemy i.e. impossible) but still cannot cure the rot within Knives (l'élément corrompu)

[voltrixz]

So, what your take on the Hammerhead and Shocker interactions since apparently Hammy doesn't like the guy being friends with his ex?

HI. HELLO. took me a while to get to this, but hi. I have a lot of thoughts about this so bear with me here. Because oh brother does their relationship go wayyy beyond Hammerhead not liking Shocker being friends with Silver Sable.

I have actually made a post abut them which you can find here > Ramble post about Shocker and Hammerhead's dynamic

But in general I think its very interesting how the 2 clearly have some form of respect but its VERYYYY strained. Hammerhead clearly takes pride in his position as Tombstone's right hand man and I think he uses that pride and just untouchable status to slightly mess with shocker (literally showing up to his bar and interrupting his game and specifcally choosing his wording around fulfilling responsibility)

And we like SEE shocker get visibly ticked off by these moments but doesnt say anything, and Hammerhead KNOWSS he wont because of their status/respect. Like just the fact the two are people that Tombstone considers his best assets but clearly do not like each other all that much outside work purposes is REALLLY interesting to me.

And likeeee the fact the 2 are Tombstone's best assets, and how it plays into Hammerhead getting jealous that Tombstone went to the Enforcers in that one ep instead of him first. He even goes out his way to sabotage them. LIKE AGHRH really interesting to me.

Like they're the type of guys who would have already thrown hands by now if wasnt by the fact they have the same boss.

IDK IF THIS MADE ANY SENSE.. but like idk they're interesting.

[sidesteppostinghours]

4 + 5 + 8 + 40 + 34 and I) G) F) for Cyrus Becker my beloved 🧡

afternoon idle!! oh my god questions galore *cracks knuckles* cyrus get your ass over here youre up

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

Very difficult, and at the same time easier than youd think. he definitely doesnt entertain everybody, but hes not unreasonable. hell hear you out if you give him enough reason to (or if he thinks its beneficial to get to know you. do you see why he gets attached to people hes supposed to be manipulating so often). ortega and mortum required him to establish a relationship, which is how they got so close to eachother so quickly. herald got by because cyrus thought hed be a useful contact in the rangers. chen couldve earned his trust a long time ago, they had to work with eachother a lot back when he still ran with the rangers, but chen squandered it on his suspicions and its been too long for cyrus to have any interest in patching up their relationship. argent has largely flown under his radar, she hasnt piqued his interest more than the passing curiosity of why she wanted the regenerator.

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

the default is mistrust. sorry yall, hes not taking any more chances than necessary. hes a telepath, he knows all too well what secrets other people hide, and hes not interested in giving people a chance to prove his suspicions wrong. but after hes grown to trust somebody? its... embarrassing how difficult it is to lose it. even though his trust is much shakier nowadays, you still need to have fucked up Majorly to get him back to mistrusting you. if you somehow manage to do that,,, uhhhh. what do you want on your tombstone? (ig its technically its possible to not die and even earn that trust back??? ortega managed, but thats ortega and hes statistically more likely to kill you or ruin your life. depends on how badly you fucked up. id say theres a good 5% chance youll survive the experience without the need for intense psychotherapy)

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

listen. follow orders. be exactly who we need you to be. cyrus was a deeply rebellious regene, but he wasnt stupid about it. hed go against the mission in secret, and just enough that nobody wouldve been able to trace any problems back to him. that doesnt mean he was never caught, but he was too competent of a regene to be scrapped, which saved him multiple times before. those few times did cause handlers to keep a closer eye on him though, just in case. handlers would usually keep a harder grip on cyrus, hold him to stricter standards. it contributed a lot to his own self talk. SPEAKING OF WHICH:

40. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

you must imagine me holding him and looking lovingly into his eyes while i dump a gallon of insecurity and perfectionism on him. hes a proud man, he thinks hes better than what other people are capable of, but that arguably makes things worse when he does make a mistake. he of all people shouldnt be like this. add the puppetmaster scar on him and its a hefty load of 'i need to make sure every single step of my plan goes exactly right Or Else." the worst thing about him is that a lot of the petty flaws he thinks apply to him arent correct. AND HE CANT EVEN NAME HIS ACTUAL FLAWS. cyrus you are so smart and walking around with zero self awareness, its the best. please consider stepping into acid.

34. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? 

hohohohoho. well. the first step is to get him to feel guilty in the first place. traditionally immoral actions arent going to get to him, obviously. the thing that springs up guilt for him most often is themmys death. he has. a Lot of survivors guilt about that. especially because hes convinced himself he couldve done something and *gestures to the ask above*. guilt will haunt him for life if it doesnt get resolved in a healthy way, but hes gotten good at burying his emotions a long time ago. even when he feels like that, he reserves a specific time to think about it, otherwise itll impede on his plans in the long run. that designated time is. usually when hes supposed to be sleeping. his sleep schedule is just a little bit messed.

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

oh dude i Love putting cyrus in aus. its so fun to poke him with a stick and see what happens. the first one i put him in was a band au, it helped me figure out how he would interact with herald. basically cyrus was a masked guitarist (for backstory reasons) for a band daniel happened to be a fan of, except the two of them managed to meet at just regular old work, with cyrus not realizing daniel was a fan and daniel not realizing cyrus was from one of his favourite bands. it led to fun, mlb-esque shenanigans between the two lmfao. the second one i put him in was the becker siblings au, which i still have thoughts and emotionsTM about. that au let me indulge in the 'cyrus is an older sibling' headcanon and i will forever be in debt to it for the amount of protective cyrus i got. third and current au im obsessing over is a 'cyrus survives hb' scenario, where ortega managed to stop him before he jumped out the window. i am getting! so much ortega x cyrus content out of that au! and so much survivors guilt cyrus. cyrus 'using' ortega to forget about heartbreak my beloveddddd. he also says 'i love you' to ortega in this au and canon ortega is SO jealous. also x2, hes an alcohol vice step in this au. heartbreak hit hard and the tequila hits different.

aaaand i still like his canon version better. its just so very much him. out of every step ive got, hes the one i get to stay closest to how i envision based on the choices the game offers. plus he caught me completely by surprise suckerpunching me with an obsession over him and i cant Not respect that.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

not sure whether this means on a character creation level or as a person, but ill answer for 'as a person' because im overall pretty satisfied with how he turned out! but like. god what is there to not be bothered about. my manipulative little shit of a son. ig the trait that frustrates me the most is his self destructive tendencies. like. Sir. are you at all aware of the fact that people care for you and want you safe? and that you can respond to that concern with something other than "i can use this", "sucks to be them", or, "no theyre not"? sir. sir answer the question. hes so empathetic and also literally a telepath but somehow cant compute genuine concern at him. as frustrating as it is though, i cannot deny that it is deeply funny to watch him fumble so badly.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

normal. the ones where people look at me and think "wow, that is a person who is having (a) regular thought(s) about their character! very cool!" you will never see a person who is more normal about their guy than i am (i am grabbing him by the teeth and shaking him like a dog with a very strong kill instinct).

truly though, thinking of him gets me buzzing. hes like a puzzle, i keep breaking him apart and putting him back together again to see how everything works. i have this thing where ill often think about showing character analysis to the characters themeselves, just to see how they would react, and i undeniably do this the most with cyrus. i want to explain step by step (hah) why he is the way that he is now, like the whole timeline is plotted inside my head and its so!!!!! i am!!!!! chewing on him!!!!!

questions from here!

[hermesserpent-stuff]

Right, so this is shaping into another au of au story. woof. but also, i love tomby and Montana and peter so this is great. the only thing that would be better is if quentin were tossed in. but I'm holding by for my own sake. lol.

building off of the post Devil Doesnt Bargain. ]

tag: Cracking Windows au

Peter ended up passing out not too long after Tombstone started patching Montana up. The businessman moves both into the spare bedroom he has, along with a lot of medical supplies. It would probably distress Peter to wake up with his uncle and that would be counter to what he currently wants. He notes that Peter's tooth has stopped dripping, but puts ice on Peter's face anyways. He gently sets both down and goes to grab food and cancel all his upcoming appointments and clear his schedule. Rain still taps on the window. He takes a moment to stand in the kitchen.

Anger coils through his frame. How long had Montana known Spider-Man was a child? How long had he known it was Peter? Why would Montana allow Peter to keep going out, so reckless and defiant against the odds. Tombstone has to be careful not to crack or break anything with his hands. Did Montana play a role in Peter saying no to his deal or did the child ever mention that to him?

As a subordinate, Montana had always been reliable. Never asking too many questions, unless they were pertinent to getting the job down correctly. The Brice family was well known in the underground and the thought of having one of them in his employ had appealed to Tombstone even early on. And the man had done very good work. But the line in the sand seemed to be around Peter. Montana had not even given the slightest hint that he had any ties to the hero.

How many people knew about this? Surely the other Enforcers. But did it go further? Beck? Mason? Dozens of questions swirl as he drops off food in the room and checks it for escapes.

 The windows are more durable than those in his office and not even tossing furniture would break them. The door is heavier and more solidly built than standard. That is true for most things in his apartment to prevent damage when he is weary and his control slips. But he makes sure to remove any potential weapons from the two. Peter is fairly easy with just the devices from his wrists that appear to be built to shoot webs. Montana is a little harder. The man has quite a few hidden weapons beyond the suit. Tombstone stores them elsewhere in his home and locks the spare room from the outside.

--

Peter wakes up in a place that overwhelms him with the smell of not home. Okay. Not the best explanation. It smells like cold, rain, metal, and faintly of mint around the edges. And not of earth like Montana’s or of May’s faintly sweet perfume. He shivers and cracks open his eyes. He immediately feels the urge to get up in the air. He often felt that way in Montana's home and had a hammock to do so in. But this is a foreign bedroom. He is suddenly hit with memories and panics. Where is Montana? 

Right beside him, as it turns out. He sighs in relief and reaches out a hand to touch Montana. The man is breathing steadily. But still injured. Escape is not an option yet. The itch to get up in the air presses harder at him, but he hates the idea of leaving his uncle down here. He would just have to make a big web. Though, a quick glance at his wrists reveals no web-shooters. Hmm. This would be a lot more natural webbing than normal. But he wants to be up. He slips out and crawls up to a corner and starts spinning and securing. He drags up pillows and blankets to weave in and finds it to be a very calming activity. He then hauls Montana up and sighs in relief as the itch to get up high fades. He curls beside Montana, cold. The room is so cold. He tugs on the blankets and presses against his uncle and slips off to sleep, feeling a bit secure. His wrists ache just a little, but he can ignore it.

-- 

Tombstone is concerned when he reenters the room to find the bed empty of both of the previous occupants. He can admit to his heartbeat spiking slightly as he looks around the room. But then he spots the large web in the upper corner of a wall. Peter peaks out over the edge of the web-nest and blinks slowly at him. Tombstone sits down on the bed and looks up at the child. He can vaguely see Montana up there too. How best to get Peter to speak? The child seemed rather dedicated to his uncle. Enough to drag him up into a protective web.

“Is Montana alright?”

Peter blinks and shifts a little, fingers pressing against some of the web strands.

“He… He hasn't woken up. But he’s breathing fine and his heart’s good.”

Peter sounds worried. 

“Any injuries that I missed? I have more medical supplies here.”

Tombstone wants to keep Peter talking. Peter glances back at Montana and then back at Tombstone with a slightly confused look. 

“He’s… No.”

“Montana mentioned something about a machine made by Ock?”

There is a flash of rage in Peter’s eyes. 

“Yeah. It was bad.”

The kid takes a breath and then resettles in the web and watches Tombstone. Time for another topic.

“Is there anything I can bring you for your… web?”

Peter hesitates, shivers a little, and asks in a very small voice.

“Blankets? It’s cold.”

Peter sounds unsure of his own request. Tombstone is happy to provide something so easy. 

“I can do that. Would you like me to move the bookshelf to be under it?”

Tombstone worries about the structural integrity. Peter looks at him with confusion and a little bit of concern. There are still the edges of fear but far less than when Peter was last awake. 

“I… I…”

“Just in case the blankets add too much weight.”

“Oh, okay.”

Peter sounds very unsure, fingers twisting and pressing at the web strands to twist them into each other. They are quick little movements that display nerves that tremor in Peter’s voice. Tombstone nods and quickly sets about moving the mostly empty shelf. He can feel Peter’s eyes watching him closely, so he makes sure not to make any movements towards the web aside from moving the shelf. He does not want the kid to think that he is trying to grab him.

[peachringwithpiss]

Inside Job music + dance hc

Ok so I was thinking about this earlier so now you guys have to deal

Reagan

I literally can only see her listening to the radio

Like flipping through stations everyday to fit her mood

She likes 2000s pop/punk though and has a youtube playlist of her favorite songs

What I'm trying to say is she's basic but will jam to MCR if given the chance

She does like the white woman shimmy but other than that cannot and does not dance lmao

Brett

80s rock like this is just canon

AC/DC, Bon Jovi, Journey, Guns N' Roses, Dave Matthews Band lmao

The whole nine yards

But just like imagine walking past the most unthreatening person in the office and hearing "welcome to the jungle" blasting out of his headphones

Since he was a goth/jock in high school he will also listen to shit like MCR with Reagan

90'S COUNTRY

LISTEN JUST HEAR ME OUT!!!!!!

Ok 1. Since he was born in the 90s I feel like thats what he would have been hearing on the radio and 2. YOURE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME BRETT HAND WOULD NOT LISTEN TO GARTH BROOKS

His playlists are a fucking mess

We all saw the clip, he heard dance like no ones watching and took it heart

Like don't even try to insult him cus I'd like to see you do better with that much confidence

Anyway thats enough of Brett

Glenn

Glenn listens to SiriusXM ASHDLSKDHALDJDSL

Specifically Willie's Roadhouse

Like Johnny Cash vibes fr

He has an Amazon Music playlist that's just the American anthem on loop for 10 hours

He is secretly really into like dad rock/metal

So like Rob Zombie, Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, Nirvana

When he got divorced he blasted ABBA and Fleetwood bc they reminded him of his ex

He can square-dance nothing else

Andre

He has a playlist for literally any occasion

Disco/dance?- Camel by Camel (he would listen to it unironically), Funkytown, Earth Wind + Fire, Play That Funky Music

Girlboss(aka gigi)- Doja, cupcakKe, Lizzo, Nicki, Full Tac, Shakira, Lily Allen, Harry Styles, Lady Gaga, Yung Gravy

Sad- Mitski, Cody Fry, Hallelujah(shrek ver.), The Moldy Peaches

Random(aka myc lmao)- Soul Bossa Nova, icp, Oingo Boingo, the entire mlp discography, A Cruel Angel's Thesis, Dan Bull, The Living Tombstone

You get the gist they're all over the place, but he also has a curated playlist for everyone in the gang so give him the aux fr

I like to think he took ballroom lessons when he was younger so if ever needed he could do about any well known style

Other than that he dances about as well as you'd expect from someone who is constantly high

Gigi

I basically already said the gist of it in Andre's

She is the definition of Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss

What people dont know is that she is a total theater nerd

She has the entire 3 hours of Hamilton memorized and can recite it verbatim

In the heights? Yup. Rocky Horror? You bet your ass. Grease? Regrettably lmao

Her comfort movie is Dirty Dancing

She probably had an aneurysm when Mamma Mia came out

She photoshops her Spotify Wrapped every year, because having The Phantom Of The Opera in her top 5 isnt exactly on brand

Speaking of she can hit christines high notes lmao

The only person here that can actually dance

She eats and leaves no crumbs

Myc 💀

You know male manipulator music

Yeah that

Askaldhalksdfgds

MSI, ICP, Hollywood Undead, Filthy Frank

And like no one can tell if its ironic or not and theyre frankly too scared to ask

He also listens to like 80s era er0tic club music

So like Love Shack- The B-52s, Super Freak- Rick James, Girls on Film- Duran Duran, Carless Whisper- George Michael

I want you to look me in the eyes and explain to me how Myc would dance....

Thats right he can't............ not as a mushroom that is

As a human he'd tear that shit up are you kidding me

They would be one of those people that can dance when there's not music

Alpha-Beta

I'm only adding AB because ❤him❤

He would and could listen to hours of static he doesnt need to listen to music

But that doesnt mean if you took a radio down to him he'd be mad

(Ps he really like the friends theme song and if you told him there was an extended vers hed have a conniption)

Cannot dance because he has one arm and no legs, but even if he had legs he doubts he'd ever dance

Thats a lie this domestic bitchboy would 100% dance with a partner hes just an asshole

OMG this was my first time writing something like this, I hope y'all like it :)

[transgender-bruce-wayne]

every year, on the anniversary of his parents deaths, bruce visits their graves. unfortunately, the press caught sight of him visiting them when he was twelve and have followed him to the cemetery to take pictures of him and try to get a comment from him every year since

its a hard day for bruce. he tries to never miss a day of patrol unless absolutely necessary but every year since batman, he seriously considers skipping it for the one annual day he dreads the most

but then the justice league forms

the first year after the justice league is started, he barely speaks to them, doesnt spend any time in the watchtower beyond monitor duty or patching himself up in the medbay when alfred is away

the second year, he reveals his identity to the league. a few months later, the anniversary of his parents deaths come around again. he shuts off his comm. link to the league and switches his monitor duty to the next day. then he goes to the cemetery, as he has every year he could since the death of his parents

the press has never ventured past the gates to the cemetery. there was no need; they could see bruce perfectly fine as he mourned—could hear him if he let himself cry. but today, six figures dressed in black stood in front of the tombstone of his parents' conjoined grave

he falters but keeps walking after a particularly loud snap of a camera rings out from behind him. when bruce reaches the grave, the rest of the league dont look at him, dont talk to him

they dont stare at him as he hunches into himself, as his carefully formed, calm face crumbles into a grimace of agony, as tears start rolling down his face

the only thing they do is move closer to him. clark puts a hand around bruce's shoulder, gripping him tightly. diana holds onto one of bruce's hands. shouts of bruce's name is now ringing out from the press behind them, but bruce is being pushed to the front of the group of seven, his back being covered by a disguised j'onn and green lantern.

they let him mourn. for the first time in over a decade, bruce mourns, cries, in front of someone. cries for his parents and the life he could have had and the pain the life he does have leaves him with

and the next day, they dont mention it. they just let batman walk through the halls for monitor duty, dont stop him, try to talk to him. they give him space

bruce realizes then that he does have a family, more than just alfred. more than leslie thompkins, who spends every mother's day with him. more than jim gordon, who, even before batman, was close to bruce, who swore to catch the man who killed his parents and followed up on it.

bruce has a family in the justice league

[maschotch]

The 'I'm sorry dad' scene you just self-reblogged - the gravestone shows 1978 as her father's year of death and in the hospital ~in between~ scene in fisher king p2 it's said that she was 8 when he died. That puts her birth around 1970, which i find really interesting in the age lineup of the characters - she's the newbie for the s1 perspective and yet she's definitely older than JJ, Garcia, Reid and Morgan, but most interestingly she might actually be older than Hotch as well depending on which of the 19 versions of his age we're working from. I think that possibility adds an extra edge to their dynamic in particular and the difficulties they face in communicating and how to help/not help after garner. But like, in a way i'm not sure i can properly explain, you know.

i rewatched that clip because i didnt fucking believe you akdjkaxh its actually 1979 soooo fake fan just kidding its insane that you read the tombstone i didnt even think about it

okay criminal minds ages are always a fucking nightmare because they wont ever give us consistent timelines on any of their backstories, so ima do my best but obviously everything is up to personal discretion

if she’s 8 in 1979, that puts her birthday probably in 1971, making her 34 in 2005. this is the same age as the actress, so for efficiency’s sake lets say they never bothered to change their ages (with the exception of maybe hotch because it did seem like they intended for him to be late 30s). that would make hotch the oldest at 43, morgan next at 35, penelope at 33, jj 27, spencer 25. if they changed anything they reduced everyone’s age, but it was probably equivalent and didnt affect the birth order

this… makes sense to me. i think it goes to show how much work it took for elle to reach the bau and how capable the rest of the team is go join so early in their career. this is something elle has been working towards her whole life, and morgans around the same age and already achieved it. for at least a few years now. meanwhile hotch doesnt have ten years on elle, but he’s already been at the bau long enough to become unit chief—and he had a successful career as a lawyer before that. spencer, jj, and garcia are all exceptions because they either joined through alternative means or they have a different job entirely

which explains her demeanor a little more. as the new kid, she obviously had to prove herself. but she probably felt even more pressured to do so bc it took her longer to get here. she’s extra defensive, and her banter w morgan laced w harsher quips than necessary are all small ways she tries to compensate for her inexperience in order for them all to view her as equals. its why she feels more like a failure when she cant handle the job. it took her this long to get here and now she’s not sure if she has what it takes to stay. gives a little more reason for the others—especially hotch—to be reluctant to help in the aftermath of the fisher king: they dont want to disrespect her by doing so. they doubt their own capability to help her and they dont want to make it worse if all its going to do is wound her pride.

between elle and hotch specifically… i dont think it changes much actually. even tho hotch could be aged down a significant amount, i think hes still older than her. by how much im not sure but even a slight age difference plus being a superior is enough to maintain that dynamic.

[spacemiddenzz]

so i was watching @super-metroid's stream of Jimmy and the Pulsating Mass (highly recommend by the way) and she fought Imaginary Numbers this time. I guess I just wanted to share my thoughts on it, since it's my favorite boss and all. This is gonna be a longpost and it's gonna have spoilers so the whole thing can be found under the cut.

So, to put it simply, this dungeon is about stress and confusion. It's about Jimmy's mind frantically trying to comprehend the high-level math that Andrew is teaching him on top of his schoolwork. Jimmy thinks that his dad is the smartest man in the world- this is hyperbole for sure, but the fact that Andrew is quite intelligent remains clear. Jimmy looks up to Andrew because of his intelligence- and because of this it means a lot to Jimmy to be praised by Andrew. He wants his dad to view him as intelligent as well, because, if a man as smart as Andrew thinks Jimmy is smart, he can't be wrong! And hell, it feels nice to be validated by your parents.

Clearly, Andrew has already recognized Jimmy's talent with numbers and has started teaching him concepts beyond the second-grade curriculum, something that we see in the flashbacks in the Symmetrical Cavern. However if Imaginary Numbers' design is anything to go by, these concepts may be at or above the high school level. They're too much for Jimmy to understand. He's only eight, and his mind just isn't ready for that yet. Still, he feels the pressure to keep up with- and understand- the work that Andrew gives him. Why? Because he fears failure. He worries that if he admits to his father that the work is too hard, Andrew won't see him as a "smart boy" any longer- and that praise and validation means a lot to Jimmy. He doesn't want to lose it.

Let's start with the song that plays during this nightmare dungeon- Counting Backwards From Infinity. From the erratic bassline to the random samples of people shouting numbers in no particular order over and over again, this song simply screams disorder and panic. As a person who has always struggled with math, it's incredibly relatable. Counting Backwards From Infinity always reminded me of taking math tests in high school. I was so slow that I almost never could finish a test in a single class period. The frantic, wild bass and the cacophony of people screaming numbers out of order reminded me of trying desperately to remember how to solve a type of problem- and do it quickly enough so that I could hand the test in before the bell rang. I imagine that this is how Jimmy feels when Andrew places in front of him a concept that the boy does not fully understand. Perhaps he's had it explained to him several times but still can't fully grasp it (likely because, again, the kid is eight). The wild confusion and stress he feels when he doesnt fucking understand what's in front of him and doesnt want to look like an idiot in front of his dad. Even the name of the song is a reference to the fact that at this stage of his life this stuff may be an insurmountable task.

The dungeon itself is also set up in an incredibly confusing way. There's a bunch of bizarre-looking purple structures and winding paths. You teleport all over the place with no particular rhyme or reason. The enemies in this area, too, are deformed geometrical shapes that are almost Lovecraftian in the way that they cannot be understood. To Jimmy, Andrew's teachings might as be as comprehensible as a Lumpagon or a Squiggles, and that's definitely the idea that one gets here. The confusion, the pressure, the panic.

At one point in the dungeon you're teleported to a fakeout area that looks like the Path of Enlightenment. This is my favorite thing about the Asymmetrical Cavern, because of the fact that it has so many cool secrets, but also because it gave me a feeling that I could (once again) relate to. Jimmy's teleportation to the Path of Enlightenment isn't random. It represents familiarity in a sea of confusion. Jimmy sees something he recognizes during Andrew's lessons. Maybe he thinks that he's finally got the hang of it- that he's studied hard enough and now all of this jargon makes sense- only to be rudely awakened by the fact that he's been doing it wrong and never understood the concept in the first place. Even the secrets kind of hint at this. If you speak to pointman in this part of the dungeon he says "I am the blood of numbers leaking from your ears. The nails of ignorance are already being driven into your brain. What point is there in giving voice to madness?" (which is metal as fuck by the way)

Jimmy just thinks that his inability to understand makes him an idiot. His lack of understanding- the nails of ignorance- are being driven into his brain. If he can't understand all of Andrew's teachings, maybe he was never a smart boy after all.

And finally let's talk about Imaginary Numbers itself. First of all, it's an amalgamation of a bunch of different mathematical symbols, including a tombstone, a slashed epsilon, and a sigma. I'm sure there are more, but those are the only ones I recognized, honestly. Given that dreams don't really make things up, instead just taking things that you have seen/experienced before, it looks like Jimmy has encountered some... seriously advanced shit. Tombstones are used in geometric proofs. I only started doing proofs in high school geometry, meaning that Jimmy may very well be learning concepts meant for kids twice his age. No wonder the poor kid is stressed.

Oh yeah, also the boss sucks ass to fight. I've heard some people call that bad game design, but I'm not sure that's how I'd classify it. Sure, like I said, the boss sucks complete ass to fight and is almost entirely RNG-dependent. From a gameplay standpoint, this is wack as hell, yeah. Fucking 30% chance to deflect any magical or physical attack with a 30% chance to dodge a physical attack on top of that? Definitely bad game design. But from an artistic standpoint? Not at all. In fact, the futility of this fight adds to it. It really drills into your head that the only thing on your side here is pure fucking luck. And the odds aren't in your favor.

The feeling of futility- of the fact that this may in fact be, by all definitions, an insurmountable task for Jimmy, really struck home the situation. The battle would not be nearly as impactful without this. And personally, I'm all for it. Imagine walking into the Asymmetrical Cavern for the first time, not knowing what to expect. You get your ass handed to you on a silver platter by Imaginary Numbers after it chains Program Omega at you five times in a row.

That's the feeling Kasey wanted to give you. And it's critical. It's just... so perfect, I honestly don't know how to put it into words. It was supposed to represent the confusion and turmoil of a task nigh insurmountable. And it did the job pretty damn well, if I do say so myself.

I know Jimmy is good at numbers and this wasn't supposed to represent a real struggle with the subject of math/the concept of numbers in general, but hot damn if I didn't feel seen. Except Jimmy is eight but I was like 17 struggling in precalc with the same shit. I guess we know Jimmy's smarter than I am rip

TLDR; andrew please stop putting unnecessary stress on your kid youre freaking him out

anyway if you guys have any thoughts about this boss or this dungeon in general i would love to hear them. but where im at its like 2 AM so im probably gonna it the mf sack for now. later dudes

[thatsallotadamage]

Hey so I actually wrote it @queendibz

Tw: mentions of bullying and telling someone to kill themselves.

Not spell checked

"So this is kinda akward huh?" Kaminari asked his de-aged friend.

Izuku Midoriya had been hit with a villians quirk while on patrol the night prior. He felt fine before he went to bed but when he woke up he wasn't exactly himself. You see, he had been de-aged to his middleschool self with no recollection of anything past middleschool, not even meeting Allmight. Eraserhead assured the people who found him in this state that he'd be back to normal in 12 hours, but it was still bizzare to see such a short person in the UA dorms.

"I wouldn't say akward, more like I'm thoroughly freaked out" Midoriya explained as he twiddled with the tangle Kaminari had given him.in his hands. "You and...what's the blue guys name? Iida finding me scared me the most but I'm happy to know I actually made it to UA!" The younger said with a smile. No one else was in the commons area at the moment so it was just two dudes chilling.

Kaminari laughed "Course you made it to UA Deku! You're awesome!" He chimmed. Midoriya seemed to flinch at the name hut just laughed it off, he had been told that was his Hero name though he had no idea why in Gods name he would ever pick that.

"Well never in a million years would I have thought UA accepted quirkless people like me into the hero course" he said, looking down at his lap.

That confused Kaminari "What?" He asked. "You're not quirkless Mido? What about all the green sparks and breaking your fingers and arms every practice because your quirks to powerful?" He asked.

Izuku stared at him in disbelief "Thats- I'm sorry sir but that's impossible! I don't have a quirk! And even if I did my mother can make little things float and my father has fire breathing, how would I have anything like that?!" He sputtered.

Kaminari was very, very confused "Wait so Bakubro wasn't lying?" He asked.

Izuku's face contorted in fear "...K-katsuki Bakugou?" He asked. Kaminari was about to answer his question but the elevator door opened and a sea of students came flooding out.

"Kaminari! Iida told us what happened! Is he okay?!" Ochako asked, hurrying over. She looked over at her- much smaller friend and nearly squealed "Oh goodness I knew you were a cute kid Deku but I didn't think you were this cute!" She squeaked. Pretty soon everyone was gathered around asking the poor boy questions, his young with the tangle became more and more rushed and aggressive the more fearful he got.

To many people, to much, it was all to much. And every one of them was calling him some variation of Midoriya or Deku. He abruptly yelled "Stop!" And that seemed to quiet everyone. He took deep breaths as he tried to calm down and wiped his eyes "I'm sorry its just- I don't know what's going on, how did I even get into this school if I dont have a quirk?".

He was given confused looks untill the door to the elevator opened up and the one face Izuku did not want to see popped out. Katsuki Bakugou. He was so much bigger, more muscular now too! Izuku stared at him with something people weren't used to seeing in his face, pure dread.

Bakugou slowly sauntered over, taking his sweet time and just standing there, staring at the middleschool student. "Hey Deku-". The younger flinched and brought his hands up over his head in a defensive way "I'm sorry Kacchan! Please don't!" He cried out.

Katsuki filled with pure dread, all eyes were on these two and Izuku looked absolutely terrified of him. He could already hear the whispering if "Weren't they friends?" And "Oh right he bullied him didn't he?". He clicked his toung and crossed his arms "Deku I'm not going to hurt you, I'm a different person from middleschool" he said.

The green haired boy slowly lowered his hands, an angry look on his face "Just because you changed doesn't mean you don't tell me to kill myself every fucking day Katsuki" he snapped.

"I don't tell you that! When did I ever tell you that?!" The blonde became aggravated.

"Let's see! Monday when you stole my lunch you told me to go die, Tuesday when you beat me bloody you told me the world would be better off if quirkless people like me stopped existing, Wednesday you drew a tombstone on my desk with my name on it and just this morning you told me to stand on the tracks already when I was eating my breakfast at the metro station" Silence filled the room as Midoriya recounted the stuff that had happened in his timeline. "And what's with everyone calling me Deku huh?! Is this some kind of sick joke? Can't you just let me have one good thing in my life? No I bet you get everyone to pick on me here too huh?!" The younger stood up as he yelled at him aggressively.

"I'm- sorry Izuku" Bakugou said shamefully. "I'm sorry that my middleschool self is such an ass to you, and you were the one that picked Deku as your hero name, that's why everyones calling you that" he said. Sero tried his best not to laugh, seeing Bakugou say he was sorry wasn't something you got to see every day.

Midoriya didn't seem any less pissed off but he wiped his tearful eyes and started to toy with the tangle again in silence. People dispersed to give him some space and only Kaminari was left sitting with him. "Was Bakubro really that nasty?" He asked. "He does that to me sometimes- I mean he doesnt tell me to die he just calls me stupid, dunce face, idiot- stuff like that you know? But he does that to everyone here" he explained.

"Well to.me Katsuki is- well he was a bully, we were friends when we were little but the older we got the angrier he became and it just ended up being him bullying me" he explained and scratched the back of his head. "I hate him really, sometimes I daydream about stabbing him to make it all stop" he admitted his thoughts of violence. "Though I suppose if hes okay in this timeline then I'll probably stop getting picked on" he smiled "That's something I never thought would happen" he beamed at the thiught of it.

"Yeah...hes a pretty great guy now, hes one of my best friends" Kaminari admitted. "You and I aren't very close but we're bros" he explained.

"Well I'll try and remember you okay?" Midoriya asked "And when I get to UA we'll be the best of friends!".

____

The de aged Midoriya did not I fact remember Kaminari. Infact when he got back to his own timeline he remembered nothing of his little trip to UA. But Kaminari sure did and he made an effort to get closer to the green haired boy.

[dmgdstar]

"Through the void, through the endless void. I'll march on and on without you."

Another broken heart. Jotaro sighs and shakes his head. He had wanted to ask when the pain he felt in his heart might stop, but he was afraid of what that answer would be. He knew that there would he nothing that could take the ache in his chest away. At least that's what he thought. Sometdays were harder than others, but in occasion he could come here and feel some sense of peace. At peace knowing that the person before him was no longer suffering. He hoped in the least that wherever the other may have ended up, he wasnt as lonely as he had been in life. Taken before his time, a heart that had only just started to open up. Was it fair of him to want to do that now when he couldnt before? There werent any answers for him here. Only the sigh of the breeze as it passed through the trees and the chirping of the birds. If he didnt know any better he would have thought that this silence had been another cause of time stopping once again.

"Daddy, who does this belong to?"

A small voice and a gentle tug of his coat was a reminder he hadnt come here alone. Jotaro turned his attention to the child next to him. She was watching him with curious, green eyes. A free hand was directed to the tombstone that they had been standing in front of for some time now. Watching her, Jotaro found a ghost of a smile touching his features. That's right. Life had continued on without him here. Life had to continue. Time didnt stop for anyone, not forever anyway. And even it on occasion he still felt the pain in his chest from the loss, he has to press forward too. Maybe in that notion, it was okay to open his heart again. To allow himself to feel the things he had wanted to back then but didnt know the words. Missing out a second time, messing up another opportunity like he had tried to have with this child's mother, was it worth allowing this pain to consume him? Even if that relationship couldn't be mended, it didnt mean that he couldnt find someone now to help heal his heart the best way that they could.

"Someone who meant alot to me." Came the answer. "Someone who saved my life in more ways he could know. Let's go Jolyne."

Taking her hand hand in his and placing his other hand in his pocket, he led the way from the cemetery. For the first time feeling a little lighter as he went. Although he would always regret not being able to be the man he had wanted to be back then and even when Jolyne had been born. He could be that man now. And he owed it all to him. He had done more than he had ever realised when he had passed on that last bit of information to the Joestars. Time doesnt stop, no matter how much one wished for it to. But that didnt mean that there couldnt be moments in life that meant everything. And it was these moments that he would always cherish. Both from his past and moving forward into his future.

...Thank you Noriaki for everything. I think I can finally move forward now.

"How can I carry on, carry on without you?"

[bittersweet-n-smilin]

Floor-Master Kenny Stringer

Ok so to make this work, I kinda added an extra floor to the building. There are now 8 floors, Kenny’s being between Eddie’s and Cathy’s. Also remember this is just an angst AU and not the main canon for my ship. I just like writing dark stuff. ALSO SPOILERS!!!

A former psychologist turned composer, conductor, and professor because of a violent breakdown she had. She received a moderate amount of success from her works, but she never fully recovered from her break.

Her real last name isn’t Stringer. She just started going by that to distance herself from her breakdown.

When she joined the Reverend and became an Angel, she was presumed dead. She rarely sets foot outside the building.

Due to her background in psychology, she’s good at making her victims question their sanity before she kills them.

Her floor is in the style of a giant classical concert venue. She’s able to control lights and sounds and pretty much everything by waving her conductor’s baton.

She keeps a lot of crows, some bats, and a few doves/pigeons on her floor. She always asks Eddie to make a nice little grave for them when any one of them die.

Sometimes she will cut out the tongues of her victims if she hates their voices enough. She keeps them in a locked chest to decay. Sometimes she’ll shove one down a victim’s throat if she’s in a blind enough rage.

She always requests that Eddie gives her victims pretty graves, unless she cut out their tongues. She thinks it’s “a little too sad and pathetic to bare” and gives him nice phrases to put on their tombstones. Some nights she’ll go sing to them in apology.

She likes spending time with Eddie, and vice versa. She acts as sort of a teacher for him sometimes. Sometimes he let’s her help design the graves for her victims.

She doesnt see Ray that often. She has little to no opinion of her, but when they do cross paths, she’s as kind as she can possibly be to her. In all honesty, Ray kind of freaks her out.

She and Cathy have faintly similar beliefs about crime and punishment, she just thinks Cathy takes it too far and indiscriminately.

She holds a lot of respect for Gray. They sometimes have pleasant conversation over warm drinks. She knows she has a good chance of becoming a sacrifice due to her beliefs, but she halfway accepts that plausible fate. If she does become one, she wants Danny to be the one to kill her.

She fell in love with Danny the first time she heard his voice. She thinks he has the most beautiful voice ever. She would do anything for him. Sometimes she take eyes she thinks he’ll like from her victims.

She and Zack fight a lot. They have a lot of differences between them. He hates lies, she drowns in them. She’s a scholar, he’s uneducated. She kills from the shadows, he just goes for it. They’re both kinda immature and swear a lot though. She tried to teach him to read once. That didn’t end well.

She uses a mask to cover her eyes because she’s afraid Danny will find her repulsing and never want to see her again. The skin around her eyes is slightly mutilated from times where she wanted to claw them out, believing them to be revolting.

She “knows Danny could never love her.” She doesn’t even try to flirt or drop hints. She just wants to support him and his ambitions, mostly from the shadows.

She’s forced to admit she loves him near the end of the game. That’s when they realized their true tragedy, that she had what he wanted all along, acceptance for him. He doesn’t have romantic feelings for her, but he still feels appreciative that someone could have ever loved the “ugly” thing that he was.

They both die, hand in hand, gazing at the moon. It’s a bittersweet ending for them, but at least they were both a little happy.

[thepetulantpen]

“Molly, Molly wake up. Please.”

Molly opens his eyes blearily to Yasha shaking him awake, looking as urgent as that stoic face ever gets. Lightning cracks above them and Yasha flinches, which is definitely abnormal. Yasha doesn’t get scared by storms.

“Yash? What’s going on?” Molly’s nose scrunches up, “and what’s that smell?”

“I got hit by lightning.”

“You what?” Molly sits up now, squinting in the dim light of his quarters to better see the singed and scared form of Yasha kneeling beside his bed.

“I had this vision and I fought this thing, but nobody else saw it and- oh, Molly I don’t know what’s happening.”

Molly wraps his arms around Yasha and she relaxes, letting him do his best to embrace her much larger form.

“Shhh, it’ll be ok,” his eyes glow softly in the dark, sparkling with a fool’s optimism, “No god can keep you down, Yasha. Nothing can keep you down, as far as I know.”

“What if-“ Yasha bites her lip, not wanting to say more, not wanting to break the silence and the privacy she’s maintained for years.

Molly just stares back at her, little comforting smile and nothing else on his face. No question, no curiosity, just a quiet, firm support. Whatever she needs.

She feels guilty now, and not for the first time, looking at his face, so open and expressive, reading like a picture book as it always has. All those terrified nights waking up screaming and those vulnerable midnight murmurs of things he’d never dare discuss in light of day come to mind, flashes of anguished expressions she’ll never be able to forget, not anymore than she could forget his smile. He’s been so honest with her, confided in her like he has in no one else. And she’s never returned the favor. Not before he died, not after he came back.

And he’s still sitting there, smiling and not asking any questions because he thinks it’s what’ll make her happy.

She takes a breath and scoots into a more comfortable position on Molly’s bed, putting her head on his shoulder, even if it’s a ridiculous balancing act with their heights. Molly takes it gracefully, easily fitting against her and adjusting under the weight of his huge friend.

“I can’t screw this up with the Stormlord. I just can’t.”

“You won’t, Yasha. You can do anything, I’ve seen it.”

“I can’t, Molly, I can’t,” tears run tracks of black ink down her face but she doesn’t wipe them, “I can’t save everyone if I don’t have this.”

Claws scratch her arm as Molly gently squeezes, grounding her and pushing her to look up at him.

“You don’t need a god to save everyone, Yasha. You’ve already saved me, more than you know.”

Molly pushes against her side, making her sit up, and they switch positions, Molly’s head resting on her shoulder now. Or just under it, anyway.

“Without you, I don’t think I’d be here. I think I would’ve never started fighting, never woken up and started being a new me. I think I might’ve chased life away from the circus and ended up dead in a ditch years sooner. But I didn’t, and now I’m here and now I’m me, Mollymauk Tealeaf of the Mighty Nein. Do you know why?”

“Why?”

“I always wanted you to come back. I thought, if I started talking, maybe you’d have someone to talk to and you’d stay with us. I thought, if I stayed with the circus, you’d always be able to find me. I thought that as long as I had a best friend, I would always have someone to live for, someone to fight for, someone that I could see and I could talk to, when the world wasn’t having it.”

Yasha looks at Molly and she sees, for just a second in the pitch black of the room, Zuella’s smile overlaid, then her sitting just beside him, hand on the shoulder Yasha isn’t touching. She reaches over, wrapping her arm around Molly and resting her hand on Zuella’s. It vanishes, and there’s just Yasha’s hand and Molly’s smile.

“Molly?”

“Yes, Yasha?” Molly’s eyes, never-ending voids of solid red, stare into Yasha’s mismatched ones, pulling her in.

If she could see Molly’s soul through those depthless eyes she’d say it’d be something like a tombstone decorated in sparkles and clashing colors. A tragedy spinning too fast to see anything but the brightest parts.

She’d do anything to protect him and that foolish, happy soul, and she’ll do it with the lightning coursing through veins and the storm in her heart.

But first, she thinks she ought to let him in like he’s let her in, peeking into her own soul. Gods only know what he’ll see.

“I want to tell you about my wife, Zuella.”

...

Yasha heaves a breath as she wakes in an unfamiliar place not knowing anything but that she’s under attack. She’s in a bloody field during a thunderstorm- no, a damp, blood entrusted prison cell- no, a grave, a grave on a hill, overlooking the world that took him away-

Molly snores loudly against her side, horn uncomfortably poking against an old wound.

Ah. Right.

Yasha breathes, even and slow.

And she smiles, down at her best friend in the whole world, the one she knows everything about and the one who knows everything about her.

[dayvmattt]

chapter one of MANIFESTO

PSST!

Any resemblance to individuals ruling or ruled should be taken with a grain of salt. All of the events he has described herein that actually happened, actually happened, though he has made changes to the chronology and factuality.

Force majeure, bitches.

1 BISCUITS

Truth be told, this document isn’t a manifesto. It’s an unfinished manifesto. Certain demographics don’t seem to expect genuinely completed and tested products anymore. For example, people purchase and play video games still in their Alpha stages of development. The pharmaceutical companies put aside vast sums in the event that one of their rushed products, which usually treats a designer ailment, causes death or severe complications to both patients and investors. Everything is rushed now. Why should books be any different? Is this the first unfinished book you ever purchased? He doubts it.

He has, thus far, lived what he would characterize as an interesting life. Of course, his journey isn’t necessarily more or less interesting than yours, but it has been interesting enough. And to be sure, much of what he finds interesting about his own experience is similarly experienced by the vast majority of individuals who grew up middle class in big city Ontario. So, while interesting, his various experiences are not entirely unique.

He was born in Toronto. His pre-pubes-youth was youthy. When he was four or five he’d wake up well before Saturday morning cartoons were on TV to watch The AG Report; a weekly hour-long recap of the exciting world of Canadian agribusiness. He wasn’t obsessed with the world of agriculture; he just woke up early. He played Mario and Duck Hunt in his basement bedroom and met the gang from the neighborhood for road hockey and to get into mischief. He went through trading card and comic book phases, and he may have hit his brother in the head with a hammer. Life before high school was fine. 

High School is when social constructs and expectations from peers really kick into gear.

He attended Catholic school because his family did and he liked the idea of wearing a uniform. He just didn’t give a fuck about fashion. His peers could still, and did, judge him based on his shoes, backpack, hell, even lunch quality, but having to wear a uniform reduced the number of ways he could be judged; especially from afar.

During high school, he did not attend one dance and he didn’t go to his graduation ceremony.

High school seemed, at the time, to be so complicated (it was sexless and awkward) and often wretched, but looking back he is convinced that it was pretty god damn normal. He’s got plenty of stories to tell, that is true, but the stuff he wrote back then is embarrassingly bad. Really horrible. He is consoled by the fact that a lot of people are also embarrassed about what they wrote when they were young and angsty teens. That said, he does not regret writing when he was young.

With high school checked off the to-do list he moved to Ottawa to get university over with.

University is when resistance to social constructs and expectations from society really kick into gear.

During half a decade of university he smoked grass, read Marx, made music, shot street, hated everyone, and saw ghosts in line for the bathroom in the techno room. He also did some studying and graduated with a degree in Political Science, a minor in History, and a concentration in Comparative Politics. He didn’t attend his graduation ceremony.

University was, at the time, so lonely (it was sexless), but when he thinks back, that free and easy life was pretty good. There are plenty of stories to be told, that is true, but most of the stuff he wrote back then was straight up shite. Really horrible stuff. Idealistic hogwash heaped atop self-absorbed nonsense. He is consoled by the fact that he is sure this is true of many his age thinking about what was written when they were young adults slowly coming to terms with the fact that their entitled lives were soon entering a new and more demanding stage. He does not regret writing when he was a young adult.

With a new degree, he moved out of his apartment in Ottawa and back to his mom’s in Toronto.

There is something to be said about cocaine use among a number of his Toronto friends at the time, but, cocaine is really boring so let’s move on. Within a few weeks of being back in Toronto hanging out with pals who were coke curious, a friend of his called him up from Seoul, Korea.

He’d called to find out if he wanted to teach at the English academy he was employed at. His pitch was simple and his questions were few. He didn’t even ask for time to think about it. He figured, what the hell, and seven sleeps after speaking with his friend he was on a flight to Seoul and a life of expatitude. That was 2002.

The career that ‘should’ have materialized after university hadn’t materialized. Truth be told, moving to Korea offered him the opportunity to game the system for quite some time.

If you are content earning a couple grand a month, and it allows for a generally comfortable standard of living, it’s easy to just ignore a career. Nevertheless, more than a decade has passed and he is still always without savings and his debts aren’t any less daunting. He doesn’t necessarily lament the fact that he didn’t figure out a career path earlier in life, but there certainly are increasing levels of anxiety and stress that arise whenever he gives the subject some thought. Not everyone is a go-getter.

He is currently a stay at home dad who mildly enjoys it. If nothing changes his tombstone will read “Should have been more successful”.

It is certainly refreshing that more and more people are giving serious thought about drug policy and the negative effect that the criminalization of narcotics is having on society.

Egalitarian shifts cannot truly begin until society comes to a much more open attitude toward narcotics and resists the urge to wage war on them.

Order the Kindle version in the  US  / UK  / DE  / FR  / ES  / IT  / NL  / JP  / BR  / CA  / MX  / AU  / IN

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[low-budget-mulan]

1-155

This is going to be long. So it’s going under.

1: Full name

Sara [REDACTED]2: Age

22 1/23: 3 Fears

Caterpillars, rolly pollies, idk?4: 3 things I love

my niece, my job, my friends5: 4 turns on

nice, caring, strong, able to cook6: 4 turns off

any of the guys I have been in relationships with lol7: My best friend

I have many. Brandon, kelsey, renee8: Sexual orientation

straight 9: My best first date

I mean. All my first dates were ok? Like the last 2 guys I dated I had a lot of fun. We ate and laughed and talked about memes. 10: How tall am I

5 ft 6 in11: What do I miss

My niece12: What time were I born

*was         idk like 2 pm?

13: Favourite color

purple14: Do I have a crush

nah fam. Aint nobody got time for dat 15: Favourite quote

”be not afraid” 16: Favourite place

Mammoth/june mountain, disneyland, yosemite17: Favourite food

My grandma’s cooking. Always. 18: Do I use sarcasm

Nooooo. Why would I do that (i was being sarcastic. And yes) 19: What am I listening to right now

Slime rancher home screen music 20: First thing I notice in new person

face21: Shoe size

1222: Eye color

brown23: Hair color

^24: Favourite style of clothing

hobo with a job 25: Ever done a prank call?

yes27: Meaning behind my URL

brandon insulted me. I agreed 

28: Favourite movie

Totoro, book of life, home, Christopher Robin29: Favourite song

idk??30: Favourite band

WAL31: How I feel right now

Sleepy after getting off a 38 hour shift32: Someone I love

My niece33: My current relationship status

Married to my job I guess. 34: My relationship with my parents

There is one at least35: Favourite holiday

CHRISTMAS36: Tattoos and piercing i have

Be not afraid on my arm. No piercings 37: Tattoos and piercing i want

Verso L’Alto, and some others38: The reason I joined Tumblr

neighbor made me one 

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

I don’t hate him. I am hurt. But he decided to not want to be friends at all. I would have still loved to be friends with him, even though we didn’t work out. 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ��� texts?

no41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

My cousin? no 

42: When did I last hold hands?

idk? many moons ago 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

depends if I shower. If I shower then 30 mins. If not then 10 

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

No I don’t have to shave my legs. 45: Where am I right now?

in bed46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

My friend renee. But I have never been drunk before because I am not a lightweight and I also know how to say no. Why would I intentionally want to make myself sick. 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

depends where I am and how I am feeling 

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

yes, because I make minimum wage as a first responder and can’t afford to live on my own. 49: Am I excited for anything?

Not being on night shift anymore XD currently dying from it and need a break.

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

Brandito51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

Whenever a patient or random person starts creeping on me. 52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

I hugged My niece so many times today 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

I would tell him to go away. But like that’s just because I am mad at him. He can kiss whoever he wants. I don’t care. I don’t own him. He is his own person. 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

My friend Sam 55: What is something I disliked about today?

not sleeping all day 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

idk?57: What do I think about most?

My niece and how much I miss her. and wanting to move out 58: What’s my strangest talent?

I don’t have any 59: Do I have any strange phobias?

caterpillars and rolly pollies 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind 61: What was the last lie I told?

idk? Probably something I said to a patient? 62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

online63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

no64: Do I believe in magic?

no65: Do I believe in luck?

no66: What’s the weather like right now?

sunny 7767: What was the last book I’ve read?

Emerald Dodge’s battlecry Series. 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

makes my physically sick69: Do I have any nicknames?

Low Budget Mulan, Sa’a, Scara, Hoe70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

uhhhhhh My back? and also my wrists and neck. But this is all from work and having to lift heavy patients. 71: Do I spend money or save it?

both. But I need to start saving more 

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

yea73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?

bubble gum tape 

74: Favourite animal?

idk75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

working.76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

doesnt have one 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

idk78: How can you win my heart?

memes, food, money79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

”guess I’ll Die”80: What is my favorite word?

idk81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

i don’t have any 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

Ambulances are not a taxi service and your stubbed toes are not emergencies. Pay first responders more. 83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

not that I know of. 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

super sarcasm probably? idk? flight? invisibility? super strength?85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

this one 86: What is my current desktop picture?

default picture87: Had sex?

no, just waffles88: Bought condoms?

no89: Gotten pregnant?

no90: Failed a class?

many91: Kissed a boy?

yes92: Kissed a girl?

no93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

cant remember94: Had job?

many95: Left the house without my wallet?

yep96: Bullied someone on the internet?

just my sister97: Had sex in public?

no, just waffles98: Played on a sports team?

yes99: Smoked weed?

no100: Did drugs?

crack is wack101: Smoked cigarettes?

ew no102: Drank alcohol?

heck yea103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

no I dont hate myself104: Been overweight?

yes105: Been underweight?

no106: Been to a wedding?

yes107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

yes108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

yes109: Been outside my home country?

yes110: Gotten my heart broken?

ye111: Been to a professional sports game?

I’ve worked them 112: Broken a bone?

yes113: Cut myself?

yes114: Been to prom?

no115: Been in airplane?

yes116: Fly by helicopter?

no117: What concerts have I been to?

Many118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

no119: Learned another language?

pig latin120: Wore make up?

ye121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

no122: Had oral sex?

ew no 123: Dyed my hair?

yes124: Voted in a presidential election?

yes125: Rode in an ambulance?

Bruh. I work in one. I drive that bitch126: Had a surgery?

yes127: Met someone famous?

Many famous sports people and some others 128: Stalked someone on a social network?

every day 129: Peed outside?

yes130: Been fishing?

yes131: Helped with charity?

yes132: Been rejected by a crush?

no because I never make the first move. And I never tell someone I like them unless they have said they liked me first 133: Broken a mirror?

lol ye134: What do I want for birthday?

money135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

many. Idk?136: Was I named after anyone?

no137: Do I like my handwriting?

sometimes138: What was my favourite toy as a child?

furby and my doll139: Favourite Tv Show?

idk140: Where do I want to live when older?

yosemite, june mountain, mammoth, japan 141: Play any musical instrument?

no142: One of my scars, how did I get it?

on my hand, My mom poured hot caramel on me. 143: Favourite pizza toping?

pepperoni144: Am I afraid of the dark?

no145: Am I afraid of heights?

no146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

no 147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

My whole life148: What I’m really bad at

everything149: What my greatest achievments are

nothing150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

some stuff my mom has said 151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

move out and buy a house and save the rest 152: What do I like about myself

nothing 153: My closest Tumblr friend

brandito and kelsey 154: Something I fantasise about

having a family 155: Any question you’d like?

rood