#any mistakes in the summary is due to me being an emotional mess if i ever did anything wrong

[icharchivist]

like i said. if you wanna suffer ill be happy to watch. but also the only thing i know about ff 15 is that one max0r video which while very funny is probably not 100% accurate to the story

now this is giving me too much power. I'll be happy (and sad) to oblige. And give you a quick overview.

and yeah i doubt that one video is a good description of it. so.

cracks fingers.

One of us is going to end up crying by the end of this. it's going to be me. but you're welcome to join me.

Final Fantasy 15 is the story of Noctis Lucis Caelum, crown prince of the kingdom of Lucis.

The Kingdom of Lucis is facing a crisis as the ever-growing Niflheim Empire is trying to expend and take the kingdom over, at the same time as a sickness called Starscrouge is slowly killing people. When the night falls, daemons come in the dark, and ever since those events have started happening, nights are growing longer in longer.

As the Empire of Niflheim is discussing peace treaty with the Kingdom, a clause is made on their contract to have Noctis marry Princess Lunafreya Nox Fleuret, who's been held captive by Niflheim for about a decade, and who has been Noctis's childhood friend and penpal. She is the Oracle, chosen by a prophecy to be the only person capable of healing the Starscrouge before the sickness takes hold.

King Regis decides to send his son to his marriage-to-be right before the peace treaty is officially signed, accompanied by his three most trusted friends - Ignis Scientia, who's been working as a royal advisor, cook, caretaker ever since they were children, Gladiolus Amicitia, who's been Noctis' bodyguard and royal trainer for a very long time, and Prompto Argentum, Noctis' school bestie who, despite having no relation to the royal family, is the only person outside of it Noctis managed to get close with.

But soon after their departure, the peace ceremony goes array- King Regis is murdered and the Kingdom of Lucis fall to the Empire, now leading a manhunt for Noctis to kill the royal lineage, and recover the Ring of Lucis, a powerful artefact carried through the family that, especially once coupled with the Magic Crystal that is the source of all magic in Lucis, can connect its wielder with the Kings of Old to access tremendous power left by the Gods.

See, there is a prophecy in the Lucis lineage that one day the One True King Of Light, chosen by the Gods, will be able to purge the world of the Starscrouge and Daemons, ending this curse at all cost. and, as you can imagine, this burden will fall on Noctis's shoulders as he goes through his new journey to awake the old gods and reunites the soul weapons of the previous Kings in order to unlock the full potential of his power.

The game mostly plays as an open world where you explore the valley with your besties. There is a lot that is very difficult to communicate that is just about how it feels like a camping simulator. You don't want to stay up at night for too long because Daemons are overleveled and bitch to kill, so you try to level up, do your missions, and enjoy your time connecting with your friends, learning more about them.

From Prompto's insecurities about his place in this journey, to Ignis's unwavering loyalty that would oversee Noctis's protection to the end, to Gladio devoting himself to being the shield even when everything starts to fall apart, you end up caring a lot for this group of misfits who are just trying to enjoy their journey knowing it might be their last.

You spend the game mostly having fun with them. Finding place to camp, new recipes for Ignis to cook, Prompto is constantly taking pictures and selfies to remember the journey by, you stop to every ponds to be sure Noctis can enjoy all of the fishing he can, you meet up with Gladio's little sister, it's really a really heartful game in ways that are very difficult to articulate.

... until shit hit the fan.

You're introduced to the real antagonist of the game, the Empire's chancelor, Ardyn Izunia, who's been pulling the strings all along, while also helping Noctis unlock the powers of the Gods.

And when finally it's time for you to go find Lunafreya for their wedding and hopefully linking the power of the Oracle to the King of Light in order to finally purge it all.....

Ardyn will brutally murder Lunafreya in front of Noctis, killing with her any possibility to stop the Starscrouge and the endless nights around the corner. The death itself is pretty heartbreaking, showcasing Noctis' very difficult time to deal with her loss, and Luna was defined by how she was willing to do everything to carry her duty to the end, so it was really sad.. but Luna was not very well written unfortunately (she appears maybe 15mins in the whole game up until this point) so i don't have as much to say about it :( it was super heartbreaking but yeah... yeah.

During this confrontation, Ignis will lose his eyes trying to protect Noctis, as Noctis was unconscious and Ignis grabbed the Ring of Lucis to ask for the powers of the Gods to protect him, and the Gods burn his eyes off. (it's so hard to properly explain but Ignis becoming blind ends up developping a lot of problems in the plot, of course, but especially in the gameplay. Like you spend the game having Ignis cook all sort of things and exitedly tell you about what he's going to cook today, and then your first campire after this incident you see the only food you can cook is some canned bean and it's just. so sudden in the way to tell you Ignis is changed for ever by it.)

Shortly afterward, Ardyn will create illusions that will push Noctis to push Prompto off from a moving train, resulting in Prompto getting kidnapped and experimented on by the Empire.

all while Gladio is losing his faith in Noctis because everyone is expecting so much from him, that they're their only hope, and yet Noctis is so lost in his grief that he doesn't focus on the bigger picture, while everyone he loves is losing everything around them.

When you finally decide to take down the Empire's HQ to get Prompto's back, is when a lot of truth starts to unravel.

You learn that Prompto is the clone of one of the highest funding members of the Empire, who was created to become one of the mindless drone enemies you fight the whole game, but has been smuggled out of the labs before he could be turned as such - only keeping a mark on his wrist reminding him of who he truly is. As much as Prompto always wanted to be Noctis' friend, he always feared that him being a clone, a failed weapon made by the enemies, would eventually disgust Noctis, and he feared all his life that Noctis would turn against him. so you can imagine the panic for Prompto when Noctis did attack him due to the illusions.

Most importantly though, you learn that Ardyn Izunia is actually Ardyn Lucis Caelum - one of the prince of Olds, the first person who was prophetized to be the King of Light. Bahamut himself, god of gods, gave him for missions to purge the Starscrouge, and Ardyn did just that, and took all of the Starscrouge in the world inside of his body, eradicating it from this world... and when he came to ask what he was supposed to do now, the Gods turned on him and left him to his fate, as he was not the one to actually serve to finish this prophecy. (if i recall correctly they legit say it wouldn't be narratively satisfying. Fuck the Gods, fuck Bahamut, all the homies hate Bahamut no matter the universe.)

Then, as the gods refused to clean him from the scrouge, his brothe, Somnus, tried to kill him before locking him into a magical prison and a magical slumber for the centuries that followed. Somnus became known as the Savior of Lucis, he took the credit for the actions of his brother, and build his kingdom on his ashes, continuing his royal line until Noctis' birth out of it.

When the Niflheim Empire started to come to power, they freed Ardyn, and figured out how to be able to use his power -- Ardyn could unlean the Starscrouge inside of him and have it spread into the world.... and we learn that people who "die" from the Starscrouge actually become Daemons, creature of the night, and the more people become Daemons, the longer the night will last.

And so Ardyn unleashed all of his power, all of his suffering, but himself has been turned into a Daemon at this point due to the sickness ravaging his body for centuries. He only feels pain, and he cannot die, for the sickness made him immortal. So while the Empire woke him up to use him, Ardyn decided instead to use the Empire to take revenge on the descendant of his brother, destroy the world he had sworn to save, and finally by the end, being killed by the True King of Light in the way the Gods will find narratively satisfying.

And finally, as our four companions are trying to escape the forteress, Noctis finds the Crystal, and with all the power he has gathered since then, and prompted by Ardyn telling him that the only way for him to know how to defeat him, Noctis approached it... and was taken in by the Crystal.

In there he met the Kings of Old who told him about the prophecy. The King of Light will pure the world of the Starscrouge and the Demons by taking out Ardyn for good.... but since Ardyn cannot die, his soul will always come back into his body, the King of Light must die as well in order to kill Ardyn's soul in the afterlife once its there.

Noctis therefore learns that by the end of his journey, the only thing that awaits is his own suicide in order to finally put Ardyn to rest.

The Crystal kept Noctis in it for about ten years. For ten years Noctis could do nothing but wait, as the Night fully took the lands over and destroyed everything. Only small camps here and there managed to survive and fight -- and his three friends have been trying to do their best for the people's survival, while being torn apart at the sudden loss of Noctis that day.

When Noctis finally returns, he can meet with his friends one last time. And tell them what awaits him.

For one last time you team up with your dearest friends, all of them having to be aware that they're walking you out so you can kill yourself to finally bring peace.

Before entering the final room to the final boss fight, Noctis turns to his friends, and ask Prompto to give him one of the pictures he took. You go through all the pictures you took as Prompto as you decide which picture Noctis will hold on in his last moments, holding on knowing they were the people who brought him on this journey to start with. In there Noctis will share his final words with them.

And finally you leave your friends behind. Finally it's time to fight Ardyn as he himself only awaits for death. Two dead men giving each other a last fight, two pawns by the prophecy made by the Gods, tool in a narrative that never saw them as humans, no matter how hard they clang to their humanity and to the people they loved.

One last final fight, finally killing Ardyn. And watching Noctis climbs on the throne of his father, and empale himself with all of the swords of the previous kings, in order to finish this fight in the afterlife.

And so the game ends. Ardyn is dead. The Starscrouge and Daemons are purged from this world. the Kingdom of Lucis can live on and see better days. And Noctis is dead as well, standing on the throne of his father.

In the last moments of the game you see him in the afterlife where he reunited with Lunafreya. He's holding the picture you picked in the previous scene. Looking over his friends one last time.

And then in case it's not enough you have the DLCs. Ardyn's DLC tell you more about how the Gods set them up for narrative satisfaction to start with. Then you have all three friends' DLC, set at points in game when you don't know what happened to them. But all of them ends with some final goodbye of some sort.

Gladio's DLC is the most underwhelming one in general so i don't really know what to say about it, and it doesn't really have a big payoff.

Prompto's show how he felt, abandonned in the snow when Noctis almost killed him. Having to wrestle with his existence as a clone, and figuring out if Noctis even wants him by his side. This DLC ends on a last conversation between Prompto and Noctis right before Noctis entered the crystal, in which Noctis tells Prompto he hopes he'll be by his side as he'll try to be a good king. Prompto promise he will be, always.

And then. Ignis' DLC. god that fucking DLC.

You really see the events in which Ignis stole the Ring to try to protect Noctis there, the event that rendered him blind. You see how much he fights out of devotion for Noctis. And you learn that when he put the ring on, the Kings of Old told him Noctis was going to die. Ignis spent his life protecting Noctis. In fact, you go through various flashback of their first meeting. Ignis has to learn that the kid he's protected his whole life, is going to die, and there's nothing he can do about it, because this is the fate that has been drawn on him.

On the first ending of the DLC, There is one last goodbye. Where Ignis wants to follow Noctis to the end and Noctis has to stop him, telling him that he wants him to live on.

(so that's the scene where i was crying so hard i ended up tripping in the stairs)

BUT THEN Ignis's DLC has an alternative ending. an ending where when Ignis hears the plans the Gods had planned for Noctis, he tells them, screw you. I'm never going to let it happen to him. I'll fight all of you if i have to and i'll save Noctis from this cruel fate you have planned.

And so in this ending, Ignis doesn't let Noctis walk into the Crystal and they work together, in an alternative way, until they can save him and put him on the throne.

and let me be clear: this ending is impossible by the game's lore. It's purely a fanservice fix-it ending, a what if, Ignis' ultimate proof of love that is enough to screw over the prophecy hundred of years in the making.

Where Ignis manages to save Noctis so Noctis can actually live on as the King he was raised to be. For ever at his side.

SO. WELL. WELL. I NEVER RECOVERED.

(and i am in fact crying as i'm writing all of this)

all of that while the main theme of the game is a Stand By Me cover by Florence + The Machine that will forever rip your heart and will leave you crying your eyes out as you finish this game, especially after the true ending, watching Noctis' die, and then hearing this fucking damn song.

Anyway i never fucking recovered from it. Like, never.

Like, even a summary doesn't do it justice. My first playthrough took me hundreds of hours. I spent hundred of hours with those kids. Enjoying their banters, seeing them protect each other, fight with one another. There's so much of their dynamic that is so deep into the gameplay, the way your companions will check on you during a fight, the moments they'll pause to have a high five, those moments of pure happiness where you know they're having fun by each other's side.

and Noctis being such a good character you really get to love and for what. And for what!!!!!!!! to get him killed by the end???? like for crying out loud. literally.

So yeah that's the speedrun of what FF15 is about. It's about tearing my heart out of my chest, that's what it is. (and others themes but you get my point)

Anyway. Yeah. Here you are. Here you know FF15's story.

and btw there was a little webseries set right before the event of the games, telling you how each of those friendships started. if you ever goot curious through reading all of this, i definitely recommend it. (the playlist is from newest to oldest though so be sure to watch on the right order)

was it worth it.

[goldenseresinretriever]

Subject To Change: Chapter 1

Tyler Owens x Reader

Summary: It’s been five years since you’ve been back home and when life brings you back to your hometown you find that while some things have changed, others have stayed the same. Your brother still has his head in the clouds but the cowboy currently sleeping in your childhood bedroom is definitely a new development. You’re trying to avoid falling into old patterns but maybe some of them aren’t so bad after all.

Chapter CW: Angst, fluff, mention of natural disasters (that would be the tornados), mentions of emotional abuse, swearing, suggestive language, science inaccuracies, medical inaccuracies

Word Count: 3.3k

A/N: Welcome back to Twisters Tuesday y’all!!! Let’s get back to Siren and Tyler, shall we?

Previous Chapter // Series Masterlist // Next Chapter

“Who the fuck are you?”

You watch as the blonde man blinks sleep out of his eyes, and his head cocks slightly to the side as he takes in the sight of you on the floor of your bedroom, a tangle of limbs, and glaring up at him past the mess of hair that’s tumbled over your face. Due to the hair obscuring your vision you miss the finger that reaches out to uncover your face. His face morphs into one of understanding as your uninhibited visage stares back at him. “So,” he says and his voice is still rough with sleep as he reaches up to scratch his head. “You must be Siren,” he says and your body jerks back in a visceral reaction to the name you haven’t been called in years. You slowly slide a hand under the edge of the bedsheets, feeling along the floor under the bed.

“I said,” You struggle to keep the shake out of your voice as your searching hand finds its quarry. “Who. The. Fuck. Are. You.” The mystery man shakes his head and then he moves, shifting forward and you yank the dusty baseball bat out from under the bed, trying your best to bring it up in an attempt to defend yourself but the angle is all wrong combined with the odd angle of your body on the floor and you hear the crash before you register your mistake. The room is plunged back into darkness and you hear the mystery man curse loudly in surprise before the sound of footsteps pounding down the hallway reaches your ears. The door swings open and the overhead light clicks on, temporarily blinding you.

When your eyes adjust to the sudden change in lighting you find yourself staring up at your mother where she’s frozen in the doorway, her hand still on the light switch. When your name passes her lips you feel yourself wince, guilt bubbling up in your gut.

“Hi Mom,” You don’t get anything else out before the gangly form of your brother Garrett appears over her shoulder, and his face morphs from fear to surprise to cool disinterest.

“Well look what finally blew in from the West Coast.” You meet Garrett’s icy glare with one of your own, narrowing your eyes at what’s a damn good reflection of your own. Despite being fraternal rather than identical twins, you and Garrett have always had a strong resemblance to each other. “Dad, don’t bother calling the cops, the prodigal daughter has returned.” He sneers in your direction before turning to leave, presumably to go back to bed now that he’s surmised that you’re not a threat. Your eyes go back to your mom who’s still staring at you like you’re a ghost.

“I see you didn’t waste any time waiting for me to come home,” you say casually. While your words are sharp, your tone is just exhausted as you reach a hand out for the familiar wall of your room and you push yourself to your feet. Against your better judgment, you cast a glance behind you at the blonde man sitting up in your bed. He’s regarding you with a neutral expression even as his green eyes dance with curiosity.

“Are you leaving?” Your heart aches at the tentative note in your mother’s voice like you’re a skittish animal that she’s trying not to spook.

“Do you want me to?” You ask simply and she shakes her head before the words even finish leaving your lips.

You nod curtly, at odds with the way your hands fidget at your side, a stranger in your own home. “I’ll sleep on the couch.” She nods quietly, eyes still trained on you like she’s afraid you’ll disappear if she looks away. You head for the doorway, where she stands in your way. You expect her to move when you approach but instead, she surprises you as she throws her arms around you, dragging you against her chest with a strength that you always forget that she possesses. You feel her lips press against your hair as you squeeze your eyes shut, trying to keep the tears at bay as they threaten to crawl their way to the surface. You’re not sure how long the two of you stand that way, locked in a jagged tapestry of the past and present, but you feel like you’re splitting in half when she lets you go. Every step back down the stairs to the living room feels like a stitch ripping in the elegantly-crafted mask you’ve meticulously constructed over the years and when your head meets the worn cushion you’ve propped under your head you feel nothing but raw as the darkness comes up and consumes you whole.

***

It’s not the morning light that wakes you, blocked from your view by curtains that have faded from bright gold to a dull yellow over the course of your lifetime. You’re roused by the sound of clanking dishes and enthusiastic chatter. When you sit up and look towards the sounds coming from the dining room, your brows wrinkle at the chorus of unfamiliar voices. You wonder if perhaps something happened on your way here and now you’re looking around at some alternate timeline where someone else lived in these walls and it’s not your home after all. Curiosity spurs you to your feet and you tentatively creep across the worn wooden floor towards the sound. Before your guard can go up, you’re standing in the doorway and looking into a room that’s not nearly large enough for the eight people squeezed into it. You don’t recognize most of them, but your eye catches on the mystery man you’d found in your bed last night and you feel your lips turn into a frown as you glare daggers into his blonde head.

Garrett is the first to notice your arrival and he sits back in his chair as he regards you cooly. “Good mornin’, sunshine.”

All of a sudden you’re a teenager again, ready to go to blows with your brother over the last of the bacon and your frown deepens. “Go fuck yourself, Garrett.” He doesn’t react but the mystery man seated next to him chokes down a laugh around the toast he has in his mouth. You turn your gaze on him, raising an accusatory eyebrow at him. “Who the fuck are you?” It’s Garrett’s turn to bark out a laugh as your mother snaps your name with a tone that holds harsh reprimand. The blonde man’s eyes dance with mirth as he grins around the piece of toast. He swallows before he tips his chin in greeting.

“Tyler Owens, pleased to finally meet you, and very grateful that you never played baseball.” Your parents exchange confused looks while Garrett hides a snicker behind his fork as your lips widen into a smirk.

“Right, I played softball.” You say cooly as you reach for an apple off the table past a girl with long hair eyeing you skeptically.

“Easy, Si,” Garrett pipes up, lazy rather than wary and three steps ahead of everyone else at the table since Tyler’s still got that stupid grin on his face instead of one of fear. You flick your eyes over to him and your gazes battle wordlessly for a beat before you shrug.

“Catch,” you say and you pitch the apple at his head like it’s a softball and you’re a little impressed when Garrett manages to deflect the apple before it collides with his nose. Tyler lets out a low whistle as the apple lands on the table in front of him with a dull thud. He picks up the apple and holds it up in your direction in a silent toast before taking a huge bite out of it, grinning from ear to ear.

“And that’s why we call her Siren,” Garrett says as he places a placating hand on your mom’s arm, “because she should come with a warning.” You snort in response. You both know that’s not the real reason, but it’s one you’ve taken on over the years. There are no empty chairs so you grab a plate and fill it with food, trying not to interrupt the meal anymore, fully planning to slink back to the living room to eat when Tyler stands with his plate, motioning to his vacated chair.

“Sit,” I just finished. You try and wave him off but he’s insistent. “Really, we’re just about ready to head out anyway.” You don’t ask where and who ‘we’ includes but you silently take the seat next to your brother. Tyler’s made the trip to the kitchen to drop off his plate and is casually leaning against the doorframe waiting for other people to finish.

“Any idea where we’re headed today?” Garrett says and you let your shoulders slump in relief as the spotlight shifts from you. You keep your attention on Garrett and Tyler, though, trying to read what they’re talking about.

“We’re tracking some potential cells to the east,” a short-haired woman sitting across from Garrett speaks up and Tyler and Garrett nod as you make the connection.

“You’re kidding,” the words are past your mouth before you can filter your words. Everyone turns to you and you’ve already stuck your foot in it so you turn to your brother. “You’re still chasing?” You can’t believe it.

Garrett shrugs nonchalantly, “Obviously, we’re all chasers,” he gestures to the other strangers around the kitchen table and you shake your head. He frowns at you. “Get off your high horse, Si,” and you roll your eyes, shoveling the rest of your food into your mouth, eager to exit the dining room and this conversation. “Just because you quit, doesn’t make you some kind of better person.” You can feel his glare digging into the side of your head but you do your best to ignore it, like you have for the last ten years, every time this argument comes up. You stand up, still not dignifying Garrett with an answer as you head to the kitchen to deposit your dirty dishes, pushing past Tyler where he’s still leaning in the doorway. You feel his eyes on you, no doubt holding questions of his own but you have no intention of entertaining them. The clank of your dishes in the sink feels final and you take a deep breath before you decide to take advantage of Tyler’s presence downstairs to grab clothes for yourself from your bedroom uninterrupted.

***

It feels wrong, strange, the way your nose naturally wrinkles at the distinct scent of the well water that pours from the shower head. You’ve spent more years under it than you have away and yet your body seems to have forgotten to assign familiarity to it. You know that your hair is going to protest the change and it makes your heart ache as your body rejects the nostalgia that your mind is under the spell of. When you step out of the shower, you fish into the linen closet for a clean towel, suddenly feeling like a robber in your own home as you dry off and slide on your old clothes.

It’s a wonder they still fit and you feel your breath catch as you examine your reflection. The soft cotton of your faded rodeo t-shirt and the worn denim of your shorts feel like meeting an old friend again. You don’t remember the last time you wore jeans. Your stomach twists at that and you glance down at your bare ring finger. You’re still getting used to it, the freedom, the ability to breathe when you weren’t aware you were being strangled. You run your palms along the smooth denim and blink the tears that have risen unbidden in your eyes. The healing is slow but you’re hoping that being home will expedite the process. Eventually, there will be questions you’ll have to answer, ones you’re still wrapping your mind around. Why you’re here, why you’re not back in LA planning your wedding?

You’ve felt frozen since that fated day. You’d come back from a girls’ trip in Mexico, a rowdy week of fun, your bachelorette party to be exact. You’d been exhausted, coming down from the adrenaline of the week, and desperate to take refuge at home in the arms of your fiance. Instead, you’d come home to two envelopes on the kitchen counter. One contained a letter that explained that your fiance was long gone. He’d completely moved out during the past week and left you with his keys and half a page of bullshit explanations. The second envelope was thicker, and empty, with an address written on the front with the intention of you mailing back the expensive ring on your finger. The very next day you’d marched down to a pawn shop and sold it. You spent the money combined with what you made selling your half of the furniture and most of your possessions to compensate for breaking your lease before you’d caught the next flight out to Oklahoma. It was as you did so that it had all come unraveled. You’d watched each piece of clothing that you folded, realizing they had been bought for you, not by you, slowly but steadily replacing your old wardrobe. You’d been too busy between working yourself to the bone and spending every spare moment working to be perfect for your fiance. Somewhere you’d become lost to yourself, just becoming a doll for your husband-to-be. And even after all that, he’d left you without a second thought.

You blink at your reflection again and a tiny smile creeps across your face as you raise a hesitant hand and wave awkwardly at the girl staring back at you. You’ve missed her. You slip out of the bathroom, secretly hoping the storm chasers have made their exit. Downstairs is quiet and you slip into the garage, digging around for a pair of your old sneakers. You eventually find one, battered to hell and permanently stained with red dust from the road. You run a finger along the faded drawing of a tornado you’d boredly doodled at some point. You glance out the open garage door, looking east to try and spot any signs of the cells the woman at breakfast had mentioned. You spot the beginnings of clouds forming on the horizon as you stand, hands on your hips. A longing you’ve long learned to suppress calls out to you like a siren song, begging you to chase. It’s been a decade since you’ve chased a storm and turns out absence does in fact make the heart grow fonder.

Your feet carry you out to the second barn. Nostalgia brings the scent of freshly-carved wood to your nose and you lean your head against the door, closing your eyes and pretending that when you swing open the doors, your grandpa will be in there, working his magic and creating something out of nothing, watching as your eyes widen in awe. It’s been years since the barn stopped being a source of his magic, but you’d made it into a source of your own. You swing open the door, and your heart catches. Some small part of you expected it to be frozen in time, waiting for you after all this time. Admittedly some things are the same, you realize as your eyes adjust to the view in front of you. The barn became a storm-chasing base years ago, back when you’d had a laptop, your brother, and a teenage obsession, but what you’re faced with now puts that to shame. There’s all kinds of equipment over every square inch of the tables on the lower level, some of which is scientific in nature and the other looks like filming and camera equipment that makes your brown furrow in silent confusion. The upper level of the space has been rigged up with hammocks and turned into a sort of barracks which explains the quantity of strangers that had been in the kitchen this morning and you shake your head.

You’d always hoped that one day your brother would wake up from his dream of being a storm chaser like you had and get his life together. Now, ten years later, he’s still got his head in the clouds. At least he has company, a tiny voice in the back of your head remarks. At least he’s not running into danger all alone. You close the barn behind you, feeling once again like you’re intruding on a space that used to be yours. Your feet take you out to the fields and your eyes clock the crops, and the animals, and your lips purse into a thin line. You can see all the work that needs to be finished, things that have been passed over without the hands to get them done and set your jaw as you head back to the garage.

***

Several hours later you’re crouched by a section of fence closer to the house, nails held in your lips, and as you carefully repair the area that looks like it's been begging for mending longer than it should have. It’s the fourth stretch you’ve mended so far. Your parents are busy, you catch sight of them hard at work, tending to the animals, making repairs to the main barn, and guilt twists your stomach even as bitterness licks to life. For now, the work keeps your hands busy and you’re able to try and make a dent in the mountain of repairs that need doing, but what about when you go back to California? Your stomach lurches in protest at the thought and you try your best to ignore your visceral reaction to the thought. Maybe not LA, maybe you’ll go somewhere else, San Diego maybe? It’s far enough but close enough. You’ve spent the last decade making a life for yourself out there, you can’t just give up on it. After all your job won’t wait forever. You’re lucky that they agreed to wait at all. You’d been ready to put in your two weeks but your lead had given you a good long look and told you to take all the time you needed, that your job would be waiting for you when you got back. If you go back. That little voice whispers in the back of your mind.

A shadow falls over you and you look up, frowning at the figure blocking your light. Tyler looks down at you, arching a single eyebrow at you as he examines what you’re up to. He’s got a ridiculous cowboy hat on his head and you jerk your chin to the side and when he doesn’t move, your frown deepens and you reach up to take the nails out of your mouth so you can address him. “Move it, cowboy, you’re blocking my light.”

“Yes ma’am,” he drawls, stepping to the side and you turn back to your work. “You need a hand?” He asks, voice casual yet cautious.

“No, thank you.” You reply curtly but the bitterness you’ve been harboring all afternoon fights its way to the surface and you turn from your work to face Tyler. “You know, you could lend a hand around here once in a while? You sleep here, you eat here, this damn farm has more people living on it than it ever has, and yet it’s still going to shit,” you knock the final nail in with a particularly hard swing of the hammer. “So no, I don’t need a hand, but whether they want to ask for it or not, my parents do. It’s the least you could do.” You stand up and meet him face-to-face. You step away from him without a backward glance, watching the sky and trying to gauge whether you can squeeze one more repair in before the sun sinks too far below the horizon. It’s the least you can do while you’re here.

A/N: More than a few things revealed here, Siren’s definitely got some baggage she’s carrying, but hopefully she can finally find a place to put it down.

[raccoonscupoftea]

🍙 In love with Food

Timeskip!Osamu X Y/n

Summary: You had a date scheduled, but life was being life again.

Warnings: slight angst, fluff, shitty day, shitty boss, uh swearing, grammar mistakes cause english is not my first language, food

| MASTERLIST | REQUEST INFO |

//----//----//----//

As you woke up from a nice deep slumber, you were happy, exited even, because there was a date waiting for you after work. you were happy while showering, happy while eating, happy while talking, heck even happy while working. It's been ages since your last date and this new one brought back old feelings of a high school crush.

Even you're work bestie was happy for you to see such a big smile on you. She complimented you back and forth "Happiness looks good on you" "It's like staring into the sun" or "Keep that smile going. You look stunning" were her go to compliments. True a great day so far.

Until your boss came along.

"Miss L/n, nice to see you smile, but care to explain to me what this is"

He slammed down a file, opened it and pointed to a specific spot. As you looked on it you recognised the paper and there was a huge mistake on it. One which you made. To your defense it was late, you worked longer than anticipated and was tired, but your boss wanted the papers done this very day.

Seeing such a big mistake, only a rookie would do, was devastating and your very heart stoped beating before increasing in an alarming rate.

You wanted to speak up "I-" but then realised there's actually nothing to talk you out of this situation. You made that mistake. You remember putting in that number, but only now you know it's wrong.

"Miss, you have made many mistakes in this company. I'm questioning your intelligence"

You're eyes widened and looked up to the boss's face. "You're fired. Take you're stuff and leave immediately"

He really did just fired you. Out in the open, with every employee to witness. It was just an office job but it payed your bills and payed your food.

There was no word coming from you as said ex-boss left back to his office. He only came out to fire you. You weren't even mad at him, probably a bit, but all these mistakes did come from you. It was the company's fair right to fire employees who only deliver mistakes and complications. All fault lay within yourself.

So it wasn't helped. You placed your stuff in a box and before you left the building one last time, you placed you're personal card onto the table. Walking throu the glass door of your former work space, made you dive into the drowning reality.

You were happy this morning, but life gave you the middle finger and teard down thos ray of sunshines. Life truly is unfair.

After placing your stuff into your car, you'd drive home. The drive was a little emotional, but you arrived safely at least.

This reminded you of the rent. It was due every beginning of the month. What day is today? Oh, great the 27th. At least the last paycheck can cover up the next rent. Until then you have to find a new job to no be homeless.

So many new responsibilities and fears. And it feels like it's all your own fault. If you haven't messed up, if you would have just been more efficient than tired all the time, then maybe you would have kept your job and not worry about finding a new job.

How would you even explain why you were kicked out in the first place? Telling the truth would do you any favour.

A sigh escaped your lungs, and the box got placed on the coffee table by the couch. Your body let itself fall down in the next room, right onto the bed. There again was this feeling of tiredness after work a full shift with overtime, but this time oh has only been 3 hours.

You could luckily only create an alarm for a few hours later, until sleep was catching up on you. Now you laid there in full work attire, hair still made. You sleept on your stomach, head twisted to the side while the phone was still in your hand.

It only took a minute until you were knocked out of reality and Into the dream world.

---

You're phone vibrated in your hand and the loud alarm sound woke you up immediately. It felt like time moved faster and shot you to the day, but it was still the very same day as you fell asleep.

With the tiredness still all over, you sat up and looked down on yourself. The shirt was wrinkled and the rest was nowhere were it was supposed to be. One glance at the time and you knew, it would be wise to start getting ready.

Fired or not. You wouldn't let these negative things mess up your long awaited date.

You took a comforting hot shower, spend a little longer in it and then picked out a caual but still stylish outfit. The meeting spot was a restaurant specificly for Onigiris. It was a small but still very comfortable shop in the city.

You never been in this restaurant but you're very curious about the food. At the desired time, you just arrived and went inside. The date was no where to be seen but you still sat down on one of the chairs.

There was no notification on you're phone that someone had texted you, but maybe they were just stuck in traffic. There still was hope.

There seems to be only one guy working here and he came up to you, thinking you were ready to order "Do you know what you want or should I recommend something?"

You glanced up to him. His cap is a little deeper in his face but you still could see the smile on his face while he hold a little notepad, ready to write down whatever you wanted.

"oh, I waiting for someone. In a few minutes they should be there"

The guy first glanced over to the door then back at you. His smile didn't fade, but something in his eyes had shifted. He put away the notepad "if you change you're mind. I'll be right there" and so he wandered of to another customer.

With another glance in your phone you noticed it was now 20 minutes after the decided date time, but you still waited. Disasters always happen when one needs to be on time.

Time passed and passed by like it always does, but the supposed date was no where in sight.

Another glance at the time. Nearly one hour passed.

Well, guess they're not coming. No message, no call.

When you wrote the person "Are you still coming?" Only then did you see that they actually blocked you. A little message from the system told you so.

Your eyes wandered over to the last message they sent "Can't wait to see you :)"

What a big fat lie.

There were words running around in your head. Words more destructive than a bomb wand way more hurtful. First the debacle at work and now your date stood you up.

You felt the tears climbing up to your eyes, wanting to get out. It took quite some effort to call them back.

"I guess they are not coming. I'm sorry" this smooth voice from the store worker reached your ears. Upon looking up and glancing right into his worried eyes, you immediately felt the tears backing up with full force. They couldn't be stopped anymore and so you broke out crying, placing your head on the counter and hiding your head with the arms, hand burring themselves into your fresh showered and styled up hair.

Another hand reached out and touched your wrist. "You wanna talk 'bout it?"

You looked up to him "Uh, I don't want to bother you at w-" while you talked your eyes had wandered around the store, only to find it empty.

"Yeah, I'm about to close the restaurant"

"Oh I'm sorry. I'll leav-" you immediately stood up

"Don't worry. You can stay. Have some food"

As one foot was on the floor, he had interwien and you fell back onto the chair. Well, at least you can eas something and pay for occupying a seat an while hour long. The crying had stopped a little but you were still a bit stuffy on your nose, eyes red as well.

The guy Infront of you smiled, quite charming actually, and he then walked over to the kitchen.

"Don't worry 'bout paying" He shouted from behind "These are leftovers from today. So they either get eaten or thrown away"

The guy then appeared with a large tray full of Onigiris. You're eyes widened at the amount of food. He then continued to talk "And I don't really wanna throw them away. I would have probably eaten them this night, but then my stomach would have hated me again"

His comments about his stomach made you giggle a little bit and as the sound reached the guys ears he began to smile a little more.

"My name's Osamu, by the way. But you can just call me Samu"

"Y/n" you smiled a little.

Osamu placed down the plate full of Onigiris, grabbed himself a chair and sat down infront of you.

He also leaned down to grab two bottles of beer, opening them as well and giving you one "on the house" he simply smiles and gives you a wink.

You accepted the bottle, cheeks a little tinted red.

"Then you may dig in" he called out. After thanking for the food you bit into the first one.

You date may have stood you up, but this Onigiri may have just became your new date. The taste and the mixture all fit well together and you couldn't just not devour this art piece of food in an instant.

Osamu was watching you inhale his food and his smile grew bigger. Happy to have found another who loves his food.

You began to talk while still chewing on your food. At first he couldn't understand it but on a second thought he had heard you say "This is amazing"

Foods the best when one loses all of their social manners, you had just experience this first hand and started to hide your mouth with a hand in suprise.

Osamu laughed "No worries. I don't judge, besides I'm guilty of it too" He then as well began to eat.

You don't know why such a simple dish made you so happy, but for a second you had forgotten your misery and the curent problems you life with. May it also be the company of Osamu or just simply both.

The two of you ate the whole plate clean. No corn was left, no sauce was not licked up.

You fell in love with this food. It was the perfect comfort food for you, and eating it in an empty shop with the one who made them was like a big hug "thank you" you had voiced out after a minute of silence, comfortable silence.

"No problem. Just promise me to come back soon" He smiled at you widely. How could you not return to this place. This is heaven.

"will do" you nodded at him with a smile of yours. A genuine smile. A smile you had held at the very beginning of this day.

[memeticsdivision]

For the ask game (feel free to pick and choose) 1, 3, 11, 19, 24, 25?

i like this ask game a lot so ill do my best to answer all of these!

(it gets long so answers are under the cut)

1.) how would you describe the world your story takes place in? essentially our world, but like the universe of scp. supernatural, paranormal, and anomalous things exist but are hidden behind a veil of normalcy. a big part of that, for example, is that ideas and concepts created or held in collective belief by people can be given shape, form, and become real (i.e tulpas and thought-forms), which is the in-universe explanation for things like ghosts, some cryptids, and other paranormal things.

as it relates to moratorium, reality is a very prominent aspect of this world, since because concepts and ideas can become real, reality is a malleable structure. reality benders are humans (humans is a dubious way to refer to them though for numerous lore reasons) who are able to directly impose their ideas and beliefs onto reality and make minimal to major changes based on whatever ideas they have for it. there aren’t a lot of them, and they’re very, very rare, which is why the universe hasn’t collapsed because of a catastrophic change yet, but fenris is one!

3.) any recurring images/elements? mannequins, fire, rain/thunderstorms, dereality, and ofc time loops

11.) give a general summary of the plot/world/characters. oh jeez its really hard for me to summarize things SDHGFJHSDFG so ill do my best

the story goes that, on the night of the death of fenris’ parents five years prior to the start of the game, several things went wrong. there was a fire that started suddenly, someone in the home with them that shouldn’t have been there that night, and the fact he was the only one who survived. five years later, he’s an adult now (just turned 20). he is chronically depressed, burdened with years of unprocessed childhood trauma, cannot relate or connect to the world around him, and is desperately trying to be normal while having reality bending powers that he hates since they remind him hes Not Normal and have basically done nothing but ruin his life.

part of getting older and out in the real world though is that he’s starting to process how messed up his life has been. and he does not like it. so he starts rapidly repressing and compartmentalizing all of his issues and trauma so he doesn’t have to think about it anymore. unfortunately, his powers give that trauma a place to go, and he creates physical manifestations and representations of his personal demons and fears that are placed in the town he stayed following his parents death, port rosnu.

one of those manifestations, cernunnos, is very unhappy with being created as a copy of him but exclusively all of the parts of himself he hates and all of the trauma he worked to repress, and starts reaching out to him in his dreams to lure him back to port rosnu. eventually it works, and when he gets there, he learns several awful truths he spent years trying to forget. he also accidentally creates a time loop that resets whenever he dies which keeps him trapped there, forcing him to face everything hes repressed and everything hes done

tdlr: a severely mentally ill orphan with an emotional detachment from reality has reality bending powers. mistakes ensue

as for character summaries i’ll keep these short but basically:

fenris (he/him) the protagonist. a reality bender with a fucked up connection to reality due to heavy childhood trauma and like no motivation to do anything in life because he’s spent all of it running from his past, said trauma and how it affected him, and Himself (aka he has wildly rampant self loathing). has one million issues and disorders

cernunnos (they/it): the literal manifestation of those one million issues and disorders. a copy of fenris, but specifically all of the “bad” parts he doesn’t like about himself, who goes insane because of all of the trauma they got forced onto them and, since they cannot kill themself, decides the only way to be free is to kill fenris since he’s the one who made them

mor (she/her): a recreated version of fenris’ deceased abusive mother but specifically of how he wishes she was, nicer, more loving, and more accepting. unfortunately, she’s also a literal monster. she fully accepts her identity as his mother and is VERY obsessed with him and the idea of reuniting with him, but has also come to the conclusion that in order to make a happier family, she needs to kill him in order to reunite all of them in death and also so she can have him by her side forever and she will never have to lose him ever ever again.

19.) describe the sillies you think about but that dont go in the story. pre-plot shenanigans amongst the denizens (aka the monsters in the story, including mor and cernunnos). they didn’t have much to do so in my head its like a sitcom where everyone hates each other. but in-canon its not like that

24.) best scene youve written? i haven’t written a whole lot in the land of google docs, but probably fenris meeting cernunnos (hopefully ill finish it soon e_e)

25.) best scene you havent yet written, but have an idea for? i can’t really go into heavy detail since that requires lots of plot details, but the finale.

[nekoannie-chan]

“Are we friends?”

“I don’t think so”

Title: “Are we friends?” ”I don’t think so”

Ship: Ororo Munroe & Lorna Dane (Friendship).

Word count: 562 words.

Rating: Teen.

Square: B5 “Roommates”.

Summary: Lorna and Ororo have to share Ororo’s bedroom, what could be the problem?

Warnings/Tags: Arguing, the school was damage, sharing a bedroom.

A/N: This is my entry to @marvelrarepairbingo​  @marvelrarepairs MarvelRarePair Bingo Round 2 2023. Annie MRP-066.

You can read it on Wattpad and Ao3 too.

@saiyanprincessswanie

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistakes, please let me know and I will correct them.

I don’t give any kind of permission that my fics to be posted on other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don't steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other's people. The only exception is the ones I gifted 'cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and are not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Marvel's characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

Add yourself to my taglist here.

My other media where I publish:  Ao3, Wattpad, ffnet, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter. 

If you like it, please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

Tags: @sinceimetyou​  @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad​ @navybrat817​ @angrythingstarlight​ @shield-agent78​ @charmed-asylum​ @caplanbuckybarnes​  @sapphire-rogers​ @nana1000night @talia-rumlow​ @writingshae​ @alexxavicry @azulatodoryuga @daemonslittlebitch @chaoticcollectivenightmare​ @endlesstwanted  @chemtrails-club @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @here4thefanfics @theestorm​ @patzammit @kmc1989

After the last attack that the School for Young Talents suffered, they had to undergo a restructuring in which some mutants had to share rooms. In one of the rooms, Lorna Dane and Ororo Munroe had to share the second one; at the beginning, their coexistence was not easy at all.

The differences between them did not take long to appear, and soon they began to clash due to their opposing ways of being. They argued about how to organize their belongings, about thermostat control, and even about the choice of music to listen to. Their powers also aggravated tensions: Lorna would accidentally mess up Ororo's magnetic objects, while the latter made it rain in the room every time she got angry.

The atmosphere became increasingly hostile, and the conflict between the two girls came to a head one rainy afternoon. Lorna lost her patience and decided to confront Ororo directly. They shouted hurtful words at each other and let their powers loose in a show of force. The room was left topsy-turvy, filled with objects moved by Lorna's magnetism and driven mad by Ororo's emotions.

As the dust settled, both girls realized the madness into which they had plunged. Both were emotionally and physically drained. They looked at each other with regretful glances and realized that their rivalry was only making things worse.

That night, after an uncomfortable silence, Lorna decided to talk to Ororo. She apologized for her attitude, acknowledging that her manner could sometimes be difficult to handle because of how proud she was, while Ororo admitted that her stubbornness had also contributed to the conflict.

Over time, the two girls began to find common ground. They discovered that they both had similar dreams and goals and that, at their core, they shared a struggle to find their place in a world that didn't always understand them. They realized that they could learn a lot from each other and that, by pooling their powers, they could be a formidable team.

They decided to establish rules for living together in their bedroom and, little by little, began to develop a genuine friendship. They supported each other in their training, shared their experiences and advice, and learned to accept and appreciate their differences.

Together, they faced challenges and dangers, but always as a team. Their combined powers became more powerful and precise. The initial enmity seemed insurmountable; however, they were not friends either, but they did respect each other.

"Are you and Ororo friends?" Sonia was intrigued.

"Well... "

"What's going on?" Ororo interrupted.

"Sonia is being nosy," Lorna replied, pushing Sonia away.

But Lorna didn't count on the fact that Ororo had heard, so she decided to ask her the question later that afternoon.

"Are we friends?" Ororo questioned.

"I don't think so, although I think we are a good team," Lorna answered honestly. "I can't deny that we've come a long way since we started sharing this room. We've learned to work together, to respect, and to support each other. Even if I wouldn't have admitted it at first, I have come to value our relationship very much. "

Ororo nodded, listening carefully to Lorna's words. "I agree with you."

A noise brought them out of the harmony in the room; it was a new mission.

"It seems we have work to do," Lorna commented after seeing the message.

[fbpanimations]

“Apologies”

An OMORI fic

Summary: A sort of au where Mari and Sunny manage to talk through their feelings and the incident never happens.

Word count: 836

This is the first actual story I’ve written in quite a while, so I hope it turned out alright lol

Sunny paced nervously at the top of the staircase, violin in hand. It was the morning of a big music recital he and his sister Mari had been practicing for for months. Sunny, although trying his best, had been consistently messing up on certain parts of their song and just couldn’t seem to get it right. It didn’t help that Mari was constantly pressuring him to do better and make it “perfect”. Sunny looked down at his violin, a mix of stress, anger and frustration stirring in his mind. He began to feel overwhelmed by these emotions and threw it down the stairs in a fit of anger. Mari, likely hearing the noise, rushed over to him from their room to see what had happened, and saw the broken violin sitting at the bottom of the staircase. Earlier that day, she had seemed to have already been a bit stressed due to Sunny not being able to fix his mistakes in time, and this only amplified that. “Sunny! Why would you do that??” Hearing his own sister yell at him only made him more stressed. This was it. Everything he had been worrying so much about all these weeks was about to unfold before him. He just started muttering nonsense, trying to collect his thoughts. “How are we supposed to do the recital now??” They couldn’t. This was going to be his sister’s big moment and he had ruined it because he couldn’t just tell her how he felt. Tears started welling up in his eyes, though Mari didn’t seem to notice.

“Why won’t you just answer me??” And with that, everything came out at once. “Because you won’t stop pressuring me! Because now everyone’s gonna hate me for ruining your big day, and I can’t take it back!” He suddenly caught up to what he was saying and stood in silence for a small moment, which felt like much longer. He looked at the ground in shame as the adrenaline dissipated. “I’m such a failure.” He then felt his sister wrap her arms around him and pull him into a tight hug. “You’re not a failure, don’t ever say that.” All the anger they had felt had washed away and seemed to be replaced by something he didn’t really understand. He returned the hug, tears streaming down his face. “I just wanted you to be proud of me..” He said quietly. “I wanted to do whatever I could to be perfect for you, but I just ended up ruining everything you’d worked so hard on… I’m so sorry…” As Mari started to understand why Sunny had been so stressed, she realized he deserved an apology as well. “I’m sorry too. I’m sorry for putting so much pressure on you and being so selfish. I guess I wanted it to be perfect so bad, I couldn’t see that I was hurting you.” After a few moments Sunny seemed to calm down a bit and Mari pulled out of the hug, placing her hands on his shoulders and looking into his eyes, her own filled with empathy. “And stop saying you ruined everything,” She said gently. “Your violin may be broken, but it’s not the end of the world. I may not have all the answers right now, but I’m sure we’ll figure it out in the end. We always do, right?” Sunny wiped the tears from his eyes and simply nodded, unable to find any words.

After a few moments of silence, they heard footsteps nearby and looked down. Basil was standing nervously at the bottom of the staircase, his hands wrapped around the ball on the railing as he stared back sympathetically. “Does this mean the recital is canceled..?” Mari sighed sadly. “I guess so.” She straightened up and looked back at Sunny. “We should tell mom and dad when they get back home, it should only be about half an hour.” She said, glancing up at the clock. She looked back at the two boys as Sunny spoke up again. “What do we do now?” Mari walked down to the bottom of the stairs and picked up the remaining pieces of the violin, staring at it sadly. “Let’s just keep this in our room for now, until we figure out what to do with it.” She said, walking back up a few steps and handing the violin to Sunny. He nodded and walked into their room. “Should we tell the others?” Mari looked back at Basil at the sound of his voice. “Yeah, I’ll call the others and try to explain what happened. If they’re even home right now, that is.” She walked into the bedroom as well and picked up the phone, dialing a few numbers in. Sunny stood next to Mari, the violin sitting on his bed. He turned his head as Basil walked into the room and stood beside him, seemingly for comfort. As they looked at each other, Sunny only got more worried. Would things really be okay from here?

[mysticalrambling]

Hey there😄😄I hope you're doing fine....I love your fanfictionss just too much and *adorable addition* is just my top favorite atory of yours😍😍😍. Yesterday you said i could make a request too so i was wondering if you can take in a request??😅😅 which is a Steve Rogers x reader request, which I had in mind for a long long time...I have made this request to some authors before but some of them never responded or just weren't interested in writing it so you can too decline but hear me out please😅😅... Ok so here goes nothing....

**Steve and reader being in an arranged marriage and steve is very rude towards the reader and would blame her, that due to their marriage he is not with peggy and how she irritates him, but still the reader did sweet things for him, made him food, tried to make him happy and tried to make their marriage work...but one day when she has enough of all the hurt, she stop doing stuff for steve and starts ignoring him..and also steve sees that peggy didn't love him but only his status as Captain America and was happy with someone else..then he realises his mistake and felt bad for treating his wife poorly...he tries to make up things with her but she now ignores him...His team members berate him for ignoring his wife and he gets jealous seeing someone else making a move on her.....and now he has to work his ass off to win back his wife...And can you end it with a happy ending and can it be long also? please🥺🥺

Arrange Marriage (S.R)

A/N: Thank you so much lovely and I loved the plot line. I loved writing about it and I made a few additions to the story. Hope you like it and I am open to more requests.

Steve Rogers Fanfiction (Fanfiction Master List)

Summary: Steve and you are married because the government wants Captain America to be a family ma. Steve is not happy with the arrangement and thinks he is in love with Peggy. You try to make your marriage work but he insults you every chance he gets. However, everything works out eventually.

Warnings: Angst but eventual fluff.

._._._._.

"I prepared some dinner for you," You spoke out when you saw your husband rushing towards his room. That's right, his room. Even though you were married for about a month now, you have never been in the same room for more than ten minutes.

"I am not hungry." He was quick to dismiss you and went straight to his room. You just looked at the muddy footsteps that were the only evidence that Steve was here. He was on one of his missions with your dad, Nick Fury. Your step dad, actually, because he rescued you from one of hydra base camps when you were eight years old. Those times were something that you have repressed in your mind and you would never think about them.

A few tears escaped your eyes when you kept all of the untouched food in the fridge which you spent hours preparing. You understood that you were not your husband's first choice but you both had an obligation to try to make it work. But lately, it was like you were all alone in this relationship and you felt so worthless.

Wiping the tears away, you made your way to the master bedroom because you had enough. If years of therapy have taught you anything, it is that no one had the right to make you feel that way. "Come in!" His pissed off voice filtered through the door and you took a shaky breath before entering.

"Hi. I just wanted to say that I prepared all of your favorite food and you didn't even look at it." You spoke timidly.

"I told you I was not hungry." He said from the changing closet and came out in his sweats. Looking tired was something not new for Captain America now a days and everyone at work was also starting to notice the change. "Why are we pretending to be like a normal, married couple?"

"Why can't we be one? I am trying here." He looked anywhere but at you because he knew that he would see those damp eyes. That was enough to make him feel guilty and he wanted to prevent that.

"You know why. I am in love with Peggy." The most hurtful thing that your life partner can say to you and Steve just did without taking your feelings into account.

"Then you could have said something before we got married." Panic was slowly setting in because you realised that you were stuck in a marriage that is never going to work out.

"The whole government was pushing me towards this marriage and Peggy was still not ready for that kind of commitment. I was stuck with you." Steve knew that the statement hurt you the moment the words escaped his lips. This was a revelation that rocked your world. And not in a great way, might you add. "You could have rejected the proposal."

"Do you think it was that simple for me? Dad has done so much for me and this was the one thing that he asked off me so I did not refuse. I thought that you agreed to this marriage and we could work it out in the future." Those dreams were being crushed right now and you knew that this marriage was doomed. It was like a hit to your gut and you felt caged in this room with your husband.

"Well, we can not." Leaving the room, you went straight to bed and cried yourself to sleep because there was nothing else you could add to that conversation.

After sometime, Steve came out of his room and made his way towards the kitchen. Opening the fridge, he took out the food to heat it up and realised that you made all of his favorite food. He was never going to admit it but he loved your cooking. Every night he comes in to the kitchen to eat all the food that you prepared for him. However, he realised that you didn't eat any of the food so you probably went to bed hungry. The guilt was eating him up and he felt helpless because he wanted to think that he didn't care about you. But sometimes, you don't even realise when a person is warming their way into your heart.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Steve was home today and you were going out of your mind with boredom so you thought of asking him for some company.

"I am not in the mood." He was quick to dismiss the idea and turned around in the hallway while still scrolling through his phone.

"I just thought-"

"You thought nothing. Why are you so clingy? I told you I do not want to work on this relationship. You are the reason that I can not be with the love of my life. Please just leave me alone.” He rudely interrupted you because he was not in the mood to interact with anyone. Seeing a picture of Peggy on instagram, he became aware of the fact that he could not be with her because he is a married man now.

Peggy Carter had been the first person that he saw when he woke up from the ice after 40 years. She helped him to become Captain America and she was the most important person in his eyes. Those few months were really difficult for Steve but she helped him get through them. Peggy quickly became his girlfriend and when the councilmen wanted him to get married, he was quick to propose. But she told him that she was not ready to take that step and she backed off. He was still pining over her and it was not fair to blame you for everything but he needed to do that to make himself feel better.

“I am sorry.”

“(Y/N)-” You left before he could say anything else. There is only so much a person can tolerate.

Over the course of a few days, Steve noticed that you were indeed leaving him alone. You were not there to welcome him home when he got back from his missions and give him a massage even after he told you not to. You did not cook from him anymore and he really missed it. He loved the fact that you always made his favorites and you never even had to ask him. You haven’t talked to him since the night he yelled at you. Guilt was an emotion that he often felt whenever he saw you.

“So there is a charity event that we both are invited too. It’s black tie optional.” He leaned against the door as he watched you doing laundry.

“Okay, I will be ready.” These were the only five words that you have said to him in the past two weeks and they were not enough. He has missed you and your conversations. The house was too quiet now a days and he didn’t like it one bit. But he was too stubborn to be the one to break the wall.

“You have to wear a dress. Many people will be watching you because you are Captain America’s wife so please do not go with your sense of style.” He wanted to slap himself in the face when he saw you freeze. Why couldn’t he just have said something nice to her? Steve didn’t know how to talk to you without messing it up.

“Okay.” Sighing, he left the room and sulked in his bedroom for the remaining day.

You were never going to say it out loud, but you were really hurt by what he said today and that day. None of it was your fault and you have been thinking about ending this marriage. However, the thing was that you made a commitment and you were never the one to back out from things. You quickly finished doing the laundry and went to take a shower.

“Are you ready?” Steve fixed his bow tie before you opened the room and he was left speechless. You in a red dress with a slit running through the side was a side of you that he had never seen. So bold and outgoing.

“Yes. Just let me quickly apply my lipstick.” Watching you apply a red lipstick left him in a trance. His wife was truly something unique but he just ignored it. Shaking himself out of it, he thought about Peggy and how he loves her. You both left afterwards and the car ride was quiet with the exception of a few stolen glances.

‘We have to go hand in hand and smile for the red carpet.”

“Okay.”

You were always a little scared to walk in to these kinds of events and so you tightly clutched on to your husband’s arm. Steve knew that you were a little bit of an introvert so he squeezed your hand in response.

“I am going to go meet some councilmen.”

“I’ll be by the bar.” Making your way towards the makeshift bar, you ordered a martini and just sat there mixing your drink. On the other hand, Steve made polite talk with the councilmen and then excused himself to the washroom. He heard someone mention his name on his way to the washroom and that piqued his interest.

“Come on, I was never in love with Steve. He was my assignment from the S.H.I.E.L.D and that was it. I had to help Captain America adjust to this life.  I love you, Oliver and that is a fact.” Steve quickly left before he could hear anything else.

Honestly, he couldn’t believe that all those months spent with Peggy were just a lie and he was ruining his marriage because of her. He thought that it would hurt a lot but it was kind of a relief. He was now realising that he was never in love with her. It was kind of an obligation for him because he thought that he somehow owed it to Penny. But he didn’t and now he can finally give his marriage a fair try and not feel guilty about it.

“So what is a beautiful girl like you doing at a bar all alone?” Turning around, you saw Bucky with a smile adorning his face.

“Hi. It’s been such a long time since I last saw you.” You hugged your friend because he was one of the people that you were close to. You actually missed him in these past few months and were glad to see him right now. Getting in to a conversation was way easier than you thought.

“Hey Buck. What are you doing?” Your husband was quick to place his hands on the small of your back and you silently choked on his intimate gesture.

“I am fine, Stevie. Just catching up with (Y/N).”

“Oh okay. Would you mind if I take my wife to the dance floor?”

“No worries.” Silently taking you to the middle of the room, you both got to dancing and your breath hitched when he was so close to you right now. His cologne had taken over all your senses and you were drunk on him. God, it was pathetic but you could not help yourself.

“I want to try to work on our marriage.” You didn’t know if you were hearing things right now so you muttered a silent, “Come again.” He silently chuckled and repeated the sentence again. Looking at him, you stopped dancing and left the room.

“Why did you leave?” He found you at the balcony just staring at the stars with your hands wrapped around yourself. “It’s freezing.”

“Why? Why would you say something like that?” You whispered silently.

“I mean it. I want to try.”

“Don’t you love Peggy?”

“I have realised that I didn’t love her. It was like an obligation to me and I like you.”

“I can’t do this. You insulted me every chance you got and you made me think so low of myself.”

“I know and I am so sorry for that. I will spend my life apologising to you for it. Please, give me a chance.” There were some tears in your eyes and everything was becoming blurry.

“I can’t do that. I will always be your second choice.”

“No, you are not. Trust me, I have had feelings for you but I have been trying to repress them from the very start.” He tried to touch you but you took a step back.

���If we try this relationship thing out, will you promise me that you will tell me when you want to get out. We can get divorced right then and there.”

“I don’t want to be divorced and I will spend my life making it up to you.” He was quick to kiss you and it was way better than your wedding ceremony kiss. “I like you, (Y/N).”

“I like you too, Steve.” You went in to kiss him again and were glad that this marriage was going to work.

Hope you guys enjoyed it!!

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A/N: I love Captain America and I was happy to write a fanfiction about him. If you guys have any more request, I will be happy to write about them and message me if you want to be added to the tag list.

Tag list: @kalopsia-flaneur, @justile 

Like, comment and reblog.

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[liliesinrequiem]

The Truth

A/N: I’m back! I’ve been working on this for a while and kept changing it up. I think I’ve reached a version where I’m rather happy with it. I hope that y’all enjoy <3!

Pairing: Diluc x Reader

Summary: You have figured out that Diluc is the Darknight Hero. Now you have to confront him about it.

CW: Mentions of blood

You slightly moved the chair side to side as you waited for your husband to return. The white cloth in your hand only made you more upset than you already were. You put it down and spread it out on the desk. The bright candlelight permitted you to look at the design clearly. 

There was no mistaking it. The brilliant oranges and reds that made the owl on the handkerchief were undeniably the same colors that you had procured early on in your marriage to Diluc. It’d been a lot of negotiating back and forth to get the threads in the exact color that you wanted. You had sewn an owl, the animal that he greatly admired, in an array of colors that also reflected that of his vision. It’d been some trial and error (and many messed up handkerchiefs) to be able to create a product that you liked enough to be able to give him. 

The handkerchief had been a birthday gift for him. 

You were surprised that he even still carried it around when he had countless other handkerchiefs. Archons, you even thought that he’d long forgotten about it. While you felt happiness in knowing that he still used it, you could not separate the fact that you were upset with him from it. 

“The Darknight Hero?” you asked out loud. The words rolled off your tongue so easily and yet, you felt it difficult to consider. Not because you thought that Diluc was incapable of actually being the hero. It made a lot of sense that the man that did not like the Knights of Favonius was also the one taking matters into his own hands. 

What made it difficult to consider was how he had been hiding everything from you. What would happen if he went missing and no one knew where he had gone? How could you sleep at night not knowing if you could have done something? The idea of Diluc being injured in his activities made you spiral into despair. 

“Oh, Diluc…..” You wished to understand his reasoning in doing things at times. If only for a minute, you wished to understand why he had hidden it from you. The only reason you had even come to the conclusion was due to an array of increasingly odd actions by your husband and a rather fortuitous meeting with Kaeya. Diluc had been unable to have meals with you with greater frequency. He’d been spending less and less time in the manor. Yes, he was a busy man, but he always made time for you. You’d wake up and he was gone and go to bed with him still not being home. He’d become so much more evasive with you. 

What culminated in everything was an odd conversation that you overheard. Whether Kaeya had intended for you to coincidentally arrive as he was speaking with Lumine and Paimon about an odd handkerchief that they had picked up from the Darknight Hero, you were not sure. It just seemed to fall into place too conveniently. You didn’t question the fact that he even handed you the cloth by the end of your meeting. You understood what he meant. 

You heard the door knob of the office being turned and gripped the cloth tightly. All the emotions that you had been mulling over threatened to flood over. Your shoulders sagged when you saw Adelinde walk through the door. “I made you some tea,” she said. She placed the tray and you quietly thanked her. You made no move to drink the tea and Adelinde remained. 

“Will you rest soon?” she asked. “I can stay with you, if you would like.” You looked out the window and saw that the moon was high. Based on your estimations, it was late. It was probably a bit past midnight. The early hours of the new day were approaching. Where was he? Was he facing something horrible? Would he make it home tonight? You prayed to Barbatos that he was safe.

You turned back to look at Adelinde. “I’ll rest soon,” you answered, “I’m sure he’ll be home soon. But Adelinde...go to sleep. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be alright.” She only nodded and stopped at the threshold of the door for a brief moment. You knew that she did not want to leave you alone, but she would be unable to convince you. You were going to stick around until he came home. 

Time seemingly passed as the tea in the teapot turned cold. You had barely touched the tea in the cup that Adelinde had served a while ago. The moon seemed to be moving down more and more. The exhaustion of not having slept yet was getting to you. You’d put your head down on the desk to rest your eyes a bit when you heard the door opening once more. You looked up and half-expected it to be Adelinde, but you felt your heart stop when you saw it was Diluc. You remained quiet as he entered and dropped his sword on the ground. 

Your husband looked at you in surprise and said, “(Y/N)?” You noticed that he looked extremely tired. His outfit seemed to be in disarray. The coat was dirtied with mud and you could only wonder if the red stains on his white shirt were his or the monsters that he had killed. His hair was disheveled. While you were concerned about his well-being, you had come too far to not confront him. “What are you doing up?” 

“Waiting for you,” you said. “How’s the Darknight Hero doing?” You dropped the handkerchief onto the desk and you watched how your husband reacted. Immediate recognition of the handkerchief lit up on his face. He looked at you with a frown.  

“(Y/N), it’s late. Why don’t we talk tomorrow?” Exhaustion weighed on his voice. It was your turn to frown. 

“No,” you said softly, “I want answers, Diluc.” You had spent so much of the day going over many things in an endless loop. You wanted to know everything. His shoulders dropped and you bit your lip. You had no desire to argue with him. You just wanted to know. You stood up and moved around the desk to be standing in front of Diluc. “Are you the Darknight Hero?” 

Your heart beat loudly as you waited for an answer. Then, “Yes.” The simple response was all that you needed to fully accept it. You closed your eyes and sighed deeply. You looked at Diluc. 

“Why didn’t you tell me, Diluc?” you asked. “Do you not trust me?” Your voice cracked with the last question. It’d been the one thing that your mind had been circling back to the entire day. Lumine and Paimon knew that he was the Darknight Hero. Kaeya had figured it out. How many more people knew this information? How come he hadn’t told you?

Diluc gripped your hands, a surprising move, and said, “(Y/N), I do trust you. But I don’t want you caught up in all of this. I don’t want to cause harm to you. I…” He did not finish his sentence. You remained quiet. While you knew that he had good intentions, you hated that he had hidden a lot from you. You let go of one of his hands and placed your hand on his cheek. 

“Diluc,” you said, “Isn’t it more dangerous for me to not be aware of what you are? Knowing all of this now, I can be more alert about everything. As much as I appreciate it, I would like to know who my beloved husband’s enemies are. What if you’re seriously hurt and we don’t know where you went? You can’t just rely on yourself, you fool! Look at you right now! Ready to keel over. Were you going to try and wrap up any wounds on your own?” You pointed to the darkening red stain on his white shirt. He looked down at it. You also noticed that he had gotten paler than when he came in.

“I’m sorry,” he said. 

“I don’t think that it was okay to hide this from you, Diluc. But….I understand why you did. Just..just tell me the next time that you head out to do whatever the Darknight Hero does. It’d be better to know than to be left in the dark. If anything happened to you…” You trailed off. The idea of anything bad happening to him made you greatly upset. 

“I will,” he said. Suddenly, he seemed to lose his energy as he fell forward and into your arms. You panicked a little, but calmed down when you felt him gripping your waist gently. He was still conscious.

“Diluc, let’s sit you down. I’ll get some bandages and work on your wounds, okay?” you said as you sat him down. You were aware that he had some first aid in his office and looked around through one of the drawers and pulled out the bag. You hurried over to him and started to help him out of his coat and his shirt. You pulled out the cotton pads and poured out the wound cleaner. You kneeled to work on his wound.

“I’m sorry for causing you distress,” he whispered. You didn’t stop wiping away at the blood that came out. Your thoughts kept swirling around as you worked. Your concern for him being the Darknight Hero was well-warranted, it seemed. Your mixed feelings had mostly disappeared because he had admitted who he was. Your worry had only gotten worse as you worked on stopping the bleeding.

“I love you, you know? Of course I’d be worried about what you’re doing when you’re avoiding me! I’m just happy to have been able to catch you tonight. How would you have dealt with this?” you said. You pressed the cotton pad and breathed a sigh of relief when the bleeding stopped. 

“I love you too,” he said. You smiled softly and pulled out the bandages to wrap them around him. His hand held onto your shoulder as you worked. Though he did not speak, he did wince at times as you wound up the cloth. You finished wrapping up the bandages, stood up, and kissed Diluc’s forehead. 

“Now, how about we go to bed? You need rest.” 

[t0wnspersonb]

You’re Beautiful (Kuroo Tetsurou x Reader)

Word Count: 4,784

Warnings: SMUT, slight angst, bullying, my shit writing, Kuroo being too damn hot

Summary: Despite how much you loved him, you couldn’t handle the constant bullying that came with dating one of the most sought after males at your school. The constant harassment from Kuroo’s fans ended with you breaking up with him. But when Kuroo founds out the truth... well he does everything in his power to make sure you’re taken care of.

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Anonymous said:

Hiii 🦊 Rachel here! Could I please request a scenario in which kuroo s/o has been being constantly bullied by kuroo's fangirls during months to the point in which her self confidence is almost crushed but she remain silent and decides to try yo break Up with him?. She appears the Next day at school wearing sexy clothes and make up to make them believe she Split Up with him seriosly. But kuroo notices what's happening and reassures her? Smut ending please if possible!! Thank u so much!! 😊

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Anonymous said:

Can I please request a scenario where Kuroo helps his gf relieve her stress by giving her his full attention and worshipping her? She’s also very insecure. He walks in the room to find her staring at herself in the mirror, lifting her shirt up and looking sad (insecure about her body). No need for angst though! She beams the moment he flirts with her and call her kitten. Soft!dom vibes with lots of dirty talk and praise (and maybe cockwarming?). Thank you 🥺 ily and your blog btw

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I decided to put these two requests together since they both fall into the same category! I hope you enjoy this one Rachel and anon! 

Sorry it took so long for me to write! I think I do a terrible job at writing characters as a dom so I apologize in advance if it wasn’t what you guys were wanting! As always please let me know what you guys think:)

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“- I don’t understand.” Kuroo’s frown deepened, his fingers clenching and unclenching into fists at his side.

 You had an audience, the soft whispers of people passing by curled around your ear like the wind.

 You knew exactly what they were talking about, what they will be talking about for the next couple of weeks.

 “Y/n why are you breaking up with me?” he pressed further, his tall frame taking a step closer to you. 

 “I told you.” Your voice sounds strained, even to your own ears, despite the mental preparation you had to do before.

 Hell, there was no amount of mental preparation that could prepare you for something like this.

 Kuroo’s annoyed and calculating expression shifted dramatically, hurt and confusion clouded his face, his large hand reached out towards you, causing you to take a step back, your arms wrapping around your body.

 You wanted to curl into yourself, to disappear completely so you didn’t have to see Kuroo’s pained expression.

 “That doesn’t… that doesn’t make sense! We were doing great! You knew what you were getting into when you agreed to go out with me! So why… why all of a sudden -” 

 “I told you.” You stressed, cutting him off immediately. “I don’t want to be with someone who only focuses on their club activities. You never have time for me, you’re always so busy with your stupid club. I can’t do this anymore.”

 Lies.

 Lies.

 Lies.

 They were all lies.

 But you… you had to make this work, you had to make this hurt, or else… or else you knew he would never leave you alone.

 The whispering around you got louder, the large smirks from the girls amongst the crowd pierced into your heart.

 But not as much as this.

 Kuroo’s expression ripped your heart in two.

 This hurt like hell.

 “Your team is waiting for you Kuroo.” You said quietly, ignoring the ache in your chest as he visibly flinched at the use of his surname, something you never called him. “I’ll see you around.”

 You turned to walk away, resisting the urge to look back at the tall male. You could feel tears stinging at your eyes as you rushed out of the school gates, it was probably a mistake to do this right after class; catching him right before he went into volleyball practice. 

 It honestly was all a mistake but… you didn’t have a choice.

 You were suddenly yanked back, causing you to stumble about.

 “That was quite the show.” a familiar voice drawled out, you flinched as you scrambled away from the group of girls that were staring you down.

 The group of girls that caused this mess.

 “It was smart of you to break up with him. Kuroo-san belongs to all of us, not just you. You ugly girl.” She sneered. “Who would want you anyway? Kuroo-san was just dating you out of pity, I bet he just wanted a quick lay. Since you’re that easy.”

 You could feel your lower lip tremble, the tears that were already gathered in your eyes threatening to spill over. 

 “Well it’s done, just leave me alone now.” You mumbled, walking away. 

 As soon as you were a safe distance away, tears began pouring down your face. 

The flood of emotions you were experiencing was something like no other. The pain that you felt deep within your chest was excruciating, and all you could see behind your lids as you wiped at your eyes was Kuroo’s hurt expression.

 You were lucky enough that your mother wasn’t home, she wouldn’t be home for the next couple of days due to a business trip. 

 Which meant you could cry your heart out in peace.

 No amount of mental preparation prepared you for this. For the hurt that you had caused the person you loved the most, for the hurt that you were experiencing from the constant cruelty of those girls.

 It was all too much. 

 By the time you had finally finished crying it was late at night, and you found yourself in front of your bathroom mirror.

 They were right, you were an ugly girl, why would Kuroo want to be with someone like you? 

 It was always a question that lingered in the back of your mind when Kuroo confessed to you. It was strange wasn’t it? He was quite possibly the most perfect human being you had ever met, so why would he want to be with you?

 “Since you’re that easy.” 

 You shook your head from the comment, Kuroo was your first for everything; memories that you would cherish forever, even if you were no longer with him.

 You at least knew that comment wasn’t true, Kuroo wasn’t a cruel person, there was no way he would have thought of you that way.

 The person you were looking at in the mirror wasn’t someone you recognized. A stranger in your own skin, your eyes flickered to every inch of your insecurities, your body shrinking down.

 You couldn’t go on like this, something had to change.

 ****

 “W-What are you wearing Y/n-chan?” Yaku asked, face flushed, as he took in your uniform.

 You were lucky enough to have arrived at school without any encounters with those girls and Kuroo. But you were unlucky in the fact that you were in the same class as Kuroo and Yaku.

 “D-Does it look bad?” You asked, carefully tugging at the hem of your skirt.

 “No but… you never wear anything that short… I’m just not used to seeing you like that… are you wearing makeup?” Yaku looked at you in surprise, the pink in his cheeks never fading.

 You rubbed the back of your neck sheepishly, your head ducking down in embarrassment as you nodded.

 This was so uncomfortable; you were completely out of your element right now.

 You had opted for the shorter uniform skirt today, something that was completely different than your usual knee length one. Your legs had never been so exposed at school before.

 The makeup… well, you hardly ever wore makeup, it wasn’t like you were wearing a whole lot of it, but just enough to make you feel just a tad less insecure about yourself.

 “Kuroo is gonna flip when he -” Yaku shut his mouth immediately; eyes casting away from you.

 That’s right.

 He had almost forgotten that you had broken up with him yesterday, and from the slight fall of your face, maybe you had forgotten too.

 “You know… Kuroo was devastated when he came into practice yesterday, he made us do twice as many drills, got upset over the littlest things…” Yaku trailed off, glancing over at you briefly. “We didn’t know what had happened until Lev said something about it. News travels fast around here huh?” he joked weakly.

 “Just news that involves your golden boy.” you said quietly, your eyes trained on your folded hands that rested on your desk.

 Yaku turned his body completely towards you now. “Y/n-chan what happened? Why did you -” the classroom door suddenly opened, and in walked the golden boy himself.

 He looked… exhausted, sad. 

 The tiny piece that you were able to fix in your heart shattered once again, leaving you empty and achy inside.

 This was all your fault. 

 His exhaustion, his sadness, that was all you.

 You could feel his eyes flickering over to your form, but you didn’t dare meet his gaze, you settled for pulling out one of your books from your bag; eyes focused on the page, although, you couldn’t even comprehend what it was you were reading.

 His shadow loomed over you as he paused next to your desk. It was only for a couple of seconds before he sighed loudly, taking his seat behind Yaku.

 Fuck today was going to be a long day.

 ****

 The next couple of days were routine now, Yaku would attempt to make small talk with you, struggling each and every time to ask you what had happened between you and Kuroo, and each time it ended with Kuroo entering the classroom and standing near your desk before sighing loudly and leaving.

 Despite the fact that it was becoming routine, it still wasn’t easy. None of it was, the only easy thing was that those pesky girls in his fan club left you alone, at least you got relief from that.

 Until today. 

 Of course, it would be when you were walking home that they would approach you, no one in sight.

 “You really think that dressing up and wearing makeup is going to make you pretty?” one of them scoffed, a wicked smirk playing on her lips. “You’re still ugly, you did Kuroo-san a favor by dumping him, who would want to be with someone as hideous as you?”

 You gritted your teeth, your hands tightening around the strap of your bag as you attempted to step around them, only for them to get in your way once more. 

 They were cornering you now.

 “I did what you asked, why do you keep bothering me?” you asked quietly, pleading almost.

 “Because you took him away from us all those months ago. Kuroo-san has never and will never be yours. It honestly was such a bitchy thing for you to do Y/n. You really think that by just breaking up with him you would be let off the hook? Wrong.” 

 Your quiet demeanor never faltered; you were desperate to go home though. So you tried stepping around them once again, only to be shoved back into another one of the girls.

 They were laughing at you as they shoved you about, but you didn’t have the strength to fight back, to stand up for yourself.

 You just… you just let it happen.

 You probably deserved it anyway, right? 

 For breaking Kuroo’s heart.

 You deserved all of it, right?

 “Hey!” 

 Everyone froze, yourself included. You knew that voice all too well, and you couldn’t help the tears that began to pool in your eyes.

 Cool fingers clasped at your wrist, carefully yanking you away from the group of girls that were now cowering in front of the tall male that stood before them.

 “Are you okay Y/n?” Kenma peered at you in concern, carefully releasing his grip on you. You nodded, rubbing at your eyes with the sleeve of your sweater.

 “K-Kuroo-san! We were just teaching her a lesson! She hurt you, didn’t she? We were just trying to protect you!” one of the girl’s pleaded.

 You had never seen Kuroo like this. He was genuinely angry, his eyes all but turning into slits as he glared down at the group of girls who were nearly in tears at this point.

 “From what I heard, you guys are the reason that Y/n broke up with me.” he said, tone deep and dark. “From what I saw… well… girls like you absolutely disgust me.” he sneered. 

 “K-Kuroo-san.” one of them began to cry.

 “From now on stay away from me, and stay away from Y/n. If I catch you guys anywhere near her then we’re going to have some problems. Understand?” he stood incredibly tall; his arms folded across his chest as he stared down at the group of girls.

 It was silent for a moment and then whimpers and loud cries began to erupt from the group, all of them running off.

 As soon as they were out of sight Kuroo slumped down, sighing tiredly as his large hand ran down his face, rubbing off whatever emotions he was feeling. But then he was turning to face you, concern clouding his eyes as he walked closer.

 “Are you hurt?” he murmured softly, one of his fingers gently sliding against your cheek, his eyes flickering across your face.

 You shook your head, but you could feel oncoming tears beginning to pool. You desperately wanted to throw yourself into his arms at this point.

 But Kuroo knew you too well, he recognized the look on your face and his hand slid down to grasp yours.

 “Let’s go.” he said. “Kenma I’m going to take Y/n home. Walk home without me.” his eyes glanced over at his friend who nodded, waving goodbye to the two of you before taking his leave.

 For the most part, the trip home was entirely quiet, you two hadn’t addressed anything that had happened at the school, or what had happened in the days prior. It was mostly small talk, but you felt lighter somehow. 

 Kuroo brought the best out of you, he was your better half; his mere presence brought a sense of calm to the raging storm inside of you.

 He also had never let go of your hand.

 Maybe it was because of what happened earlier, or maybe it was an unconsciousness thing, but you were grateful for it.

 His hand was large and warm, his thumb rubbing gently against the back of your hand, it was entirely soothing.

 But now your anxiety was through the roof as you approached your front door, pausing to retrieve the keys from your bag.

 Would he go? 

 Would he want to come in?

 Would he want answers?

 Would you guys get back together?

 “Y/n....” Kuroo stared down at you intensely, his face nothing but serious. “Can we talk?”

 Fuck. Maybe it was all of the above.

 You bit your lip, nodding before you guys stepped into your house.

 “Where’s your mom?” Kuroo asked casually, slipping off his shoes.

 “She’s on a business trip, she’ll be back on Saturday.” you said quietly. Kuroo said nothing back as you guys made your way to your room. Silence engulfing you completely, the air thick with tension.

 “Do you really not want to be with me anymore?” Kuroo asked as soon as you guys got settled in. There was no room for small talk now, he had jumped to the point immediately.

 “Or did you break up with me because of those girls?” he asked, his eyes never leaving your form.

“They’ve been… they’ve been harassing me since we got together, it got really bad recently…” you trailed off, ignoring the dark look that crossed over his face for a moment. 

 “Why didn’t you tell me?” his voice was incredibly soft now, his expression gentle. “I would’ve done something about it.”

 “I don’t know.” you whimpered out, the tears that you had been holding back since school finally spilled over. “They were your fans… you’re so amazing, I didn’t want them to think badly of you. They’re right, you know. Why would someone like you want someone like me? I’m not very pretty or smart, I’m not passionate like you are… they said I was only dragging you down. I didn’t want to hold you back anymore. So, I - I had to break up with you, had to hurt you enough so that you wouldn’t try pursuing me anymore.”

 At this point you were full on sobbing, blabbering your confession. The words just leaked out, there was no point in stopping now, not like you could anyway. 

 “I didn’t mean what I said about the team either. I just said that to hurt your feelings. I love that you’re so dedicated to your team and volleyball, I love how hard you work towards your goals. You’re so good at what you do. I’m so sorry Kuroo. I’m so sorry.” you choked out, another sob tearing through your lips as you desperately tried wiping away the ongoing flow of tears.

 Your eyes were incredibly blurry, your loud crying and hiccups were the only sound that could be heard in the room. You hadn’t even registered that Kuroo had gotten off your bed until you were being yanked into a warm chest. His strong arms wrapped around you tightly, crushing you to his body.

 Warmth seeped into your being, radiated off of his chest and into yours. Your nose was filled with the scent of Kuroo, familiar and perfect as you buried your face deeper into his chest. 

 He caged you against his body, the strong grip he had only tightening further; his large hands rubbed up and down your back, soothing your hysteria until there were only soft hiccups and sniffles.

 You weren’t sure how long Kuroo held you for, but you didn’t care. You never wanted to leave his arms.

 He was solid, so strong and warm; grounding you to this moment. You could only think of him, as he was right now, and as you were right now. Right now, this moment was perfect.

 Right now, you knew that you would never stop loving Kuroo Tetsurou.

 “I wish you would’ve told me about those girls earlier.” he finally spoke, his voice was calm, the movement of his hands never stopping against your back. “At least you’re telling me now. But…” his hands gently pulled you away from his body. His eyes burned as they stared into your own, the intensity of his gaze took your breath away, he had never looked at you like that before. 

 “You’re seriously stupid if you think any of that is true. Not pretty? Not smart? Dragging me down? Holding me back? That’s not true.” He cupped your face carefully, titling your head back slightly, forcing your eyes to only stare at him. 

 “You’re the kindest person I know. You’re so beautiful, you have no idea how many of the guys at our school wanted to go out with you. You’re the top of our class, did you forget that you’re in the college prep class? You’re incredibly smart. You’ve never dragged me down; you’ve never held me back. You make me want to be better, you make me want to work harder. If I don’t have you by my side… then what’s the point to any of it?” his voice was deep and fierce, full of fiery passion as he stared down at you. 

 “Do you love me?” he asked.

 “Of course, I love you, I never stop-” Kuroo slammed his lips against yours, kissing you fiercely and urgently.

 You whimpered loudly, fingers gripping at the front of his uniform tightly as you surrendered yourself to his kiss. 

 Every ounce of his feelings for you were being poured into this kiss, it was searing, burning you completely as he nipped and sucked at your bottom lip, forcing his tongue into your mouth easily.

 It was wet and hot as he massaged the pink muscle in your mouth with his own, and you could only take it, clinging to him desperately as you tried to keep up with his pace.

 You hadn’t even realized that he was taking steps back until your world shifted, Kuroo easily pulling you down onto his lap as he sat on your bed. You held yourself up, knees pressing into the soft mattress on either side of his hips.

 “You’re mine.” he breathed against your mouth, the hand that was resting on your back trailed down towards your exposed legs. His fingers curled around the back of your upper thigh, skimming against the band of the thigh highs that you wore.

 “I can’t believe you started wearing these tiny little skirts to school. I hated the way other guys would look at you whenever you left the classroom… and the makeup? Who were you trying to impress?” he murmured, nipping at your bottom lip before trailing his mouth against the underside of your jaw, and down your throat.

 “I - ahh - I just wanted to…” your fingers slid into his hair; eyes fluttering shut as his tongue flickered out to taste your skin. “Feel good about myself.”

 He pulled away from you, his lips swollen, and pupils blown as he stared at you. “You’re gorgeous, you don’t need to make yourself up like that. I’ll make you feel good.” 

 Kuroo began tugging the clothes off of your guys’ body, easily tossing them to the floor until you were both bare.

 His lips parted as his eyes wandered to every inch of your skin, greedily taking in all of your pretty curves. You were his, he’d never let anyone else have you, he’d never let anyone else see you like this. Sprawled out on top of the bed, face flushed a beautiful pink, your knees bent as your feet sat flat against the sheets, your core entirely exposed to him.

 You were dripping, cunt glistening and begging to be touched.

 “It’s embarrassing.” you whispered, face heating up as you took in the way he stared openly at your exposed lower half. You moved to clamp your legs shut, only for his large hands to grab your knees, ripping them apart easily, exposing you further.

 “What’s so embarrassing about a boyfriend wanting to stare at his beautiful girlfriend?” he asked, eyebrow raising, a small smirk grazed his lips. “I’m going to make you feel so good, kitten.” 

 His face sank lower, the hands that were resting on your knees sliding down until they curled around the back of your upper thighs, pushing them further apart and up. 

His nose brushed against your mound and then you felt his hot breath blowing against your center, causing a loud whimper to escape your lips, your fingers gripping at the sheets below.

 “Thank you for the meal.” he smirked against you, eyes flickering towards you before his mouth enveloped you completely.

 You cried out.

 Kuroo’s mouth was like a furnace as he lapped at your cunt carefully, flattening his tongue against your soaked entrance before flicking it up towards your swollen bundle of nerves.

 The pink muscle easily swirled against your clit, lazy almost, before dipping back into your slit, moving in and out of you perfectly.

 Your chest was heaving at this point, your fingers reaching down to tangle into his already messy hair, urging him closer.

 His grip on your thighs tightened, his tongue moving against you faster as he felt you drip onto his tongue.

 “Tetsurou.” you whimpered. “I’m close, so close.” you slurred, the familiar tightness within your belly coiling rapidly.

 Kuroo pulled himself away immediately, a loud whine tearing through your lips.

 “N-No! Why did you stop?” You cried out, the tightness residing immediately, the dull ache of your cunt begging for more attention, for release.

 Kuroo stood above you, a devilish grin stretching across his face as you whined pitifully at him. One of the hands that was gripping your thigh suddenly came down, swatting at your swollen cunt with a sharp sting.

 You cried out in surprise as your body jolted with pleasure. His fingers gently running up and down your soaked folds, pressing down gently against your bundle of nerves.

 “I know I said I would make you feel good, but… there needs to be some kind of punishment too. Since you tried breaking up with me, and you kept secrets from me.” he chuckled, his eyes held nothing but warmth though, filled to the brim with love and lust. 

Suddenly Kuroo was hauling you up, easily pulling you back onto his lap, you could feel his hard member rubbing against the curve of your ass and then he was shifting you up once more and - another loud cry tore through your lips as he sheathed himself inside of you completely.

 The stretch burned as you struggled to accommodate his size, you would never get to this stretch, to him being buried deep inside of you.

 He hushed you tenderly, his lips pressing gently against your temple. His breath came out in hot, wet pants against the side of your neck.

 “Look at you.” he breathed, his eyes focused on the mirror that was propped against your wall, facing your bed. “Look at how fucking beautiful you are. Look at how well you take my cock kitten.” 

 Your eyes were screwed closed as you struggled to adjust to the new intrusion in your body. When you finally opened your eyes a loud mewl tore through your swollen lips.

 Kuroo had your back pressed tightly against his chest, your legs hung over the side of his muscular thighs, his thick member buried deep in your cunt.

 The scene before you was incredibly lewd. The way your pussy lips were stretched around his thick cock was on full display, your bare body covered in sweat and flushed red. The dazed look on your face and the tears gathering in your eyes; it was too much.

 Kuroo had his chin resting against your shoulder, his eyes never leaving the mirror as he took in every inch of you.

 “S-So embarrassing.” You whined again, attempting to turn your face away so you no longer had to stare at yourself in the mirror.

 Kuroo wasn’t having any of that, his strong fingers gripped your chin easily, forcing your head back towards the front. 

 “Don’t look away.” he commanded into the shell of your ear. “I want you to watch.” he began moving, his hips bucking up, sliding in and out of your velvety walls. “I want you to see how absolutely perfect you are. I want you to see how well you take my cock, I want you to see yourself cum. I want you to see how good I make you feel.”

 Your lips were parted, moans spilling out of your mouth as you watched the way your breasts moved with each hard thrust of his hips, the way your cunt stretched around his swollen member that continuously disappeared inside of your body.

 “You make the sweetest faces. Fuck look at how wet you are for me kitten.” Kuroo groaned lowly into your ear, his tongue flickering out against the skin. His eyes never left your form, cat-like and dangerous as you took what he gave you.

 “Do you hear that?” he murmured lowly. “Fuck you’re so soaked for me.” over the rustling of sheets and your moans the soft squelching noises of your soaked cunt could be heard.

 “Should I make you cum?” he breathed, his hand reaching down, his fingers brushing against your parted folds that were stretched tightly around his cock. His eyes were glued to the obscene image before him, memorized with the way you engulfed him completely. 

 “Please.” you sobbed, overstimulated tears now rolling down your cheeks. “Tetsu, please.” 

 He moaned softly, fingers reaching up to rub at your clit. 

 It didn’t take long before you began unraveling, from the quick swipes of his fingers against your bundle of nerves, from the way that his member filled you to the brim, reaching a devastating depth within you, it was no wonder you were reaching your end so quickly.

 You watched as your cunt gushed around him, trickling down his balls and staining the sheets below.

 “Fuck.” he hissed, teeth sinking into your bare shoulder as you convulsed against him. You were panting, crying at the rush of pleasure still coursing through your body.

 Kuroo stayed buried inside of you, waiting for you to catch your breath, your walls fluttering around him. He wouldn’t last long. But he needed you to cum again.

 “Give me another one kitten, I know you can do it.” he cooed, and then his hips started jack hammering into your core, hard and fast as his fingers worked against your clit once again.

 It was too much, overstimulating, sharp and biting, and you took it all. 

You sobbed loudly as your end approached, faster this time, but far more devastating. Especially when you felt his release, Kuroo painted your insides a beautiful white as he spilled himself deep within your core.

 You could feel your ears ringing, vaguely registering his gentle praises as he stretched you across the bed, sliding out of your puffy and swollen cunt carefully. You could feel his warmth seeping out, trailing down the length of your legs, but you were far too exhausted to care, to clean up.

 He pulled the sheets over your body pulling you against his sweaty chest, his strong fingers brushing away the hair that clung to the sides of your face.

 “I love you.” he breathed, a gentle smile covering his lips as he gazed down at you. “You’re so beautiful. I can’t believe you’re mine.”

 You sighed softly, a sweet smile grazing your lips as you stared back at him. “I love you Tetsu. I don’t ever want to be without you again.” you nuzzled your face into his chest, his arms wrapping around your body tightly.

 “I didn’t spend all that time convincing you to go out with me for you to leave so quickly. You’re stuck with me, and my stupid club.” he grinned at you.

 “That’s okay. I really missed spending time with Kenma.”

 “Oi.”

[securityfriendly-jay]

Fall For Me

Pairing: Kelly Severide x Reader and a little bit Stella Kidd x Friend!Reader

Summary: Kelly and Stella help you prank Otis and Cruz.

Warnings: Clumsyness.

Words: 1350

If there was one thing that everyone at 51 knew it was that you are the clumsiest person to ever walk the planet. Due to this you had become the main victim to many of pranks over the years. From small things like tampering with the salt pot so that it’s ends up emptying into your food. To much bigger things like the time someone put blue dye in your body wash and you ended up looking like a smurf, which no one dared own up to in fear of their life. But while most of 51 seemed to team up to prank you, you had managed to get a few people in your corner, to back you up. Those people being Stella - your best friend/house mate and surprisingly Kelly - the guy you have been crushing on since joining 51. Unbeknownst to you, he was also crushing on you. Trying to show you though subtle flirting, which you never picked up on.  

You had noticed the moment you walked into shift that Otis and Cruz had been sneaking around and acting suspicious. Walking into the locker room, you placed your bag on the floor and started to put in the code to you lock.

“Did you notice those two idiots as well?” Stella asked from next to you.

“Yeah, God knows what they’re up to this ti-” You were cut off by confetti cannons going off once you had opened your locker.

Stood there covered in little pieces of confetti, you looked around that the mess it had caused. Knowing your luck, you’d have to clean it up. As Stella attempted to pick the bits out of your hair you could hear the two men laughing. The sound of the confetti cannons going off had attracted the attention of the rest of the fire house.

“You two!” You heard Kelly shout. “Clean this mess up.” You looked up to see him pointing towards Otis and Cruz.

Slamming your locker shut, you stormed out of the room, pushing everyone out of your way. Finding yourself in the briefing room, you paced back and forth, hands clenched in fists. You were reaching breaking point with it. You heard the door open, eyes not leaving the floor, you assumed it was Stella.

“I can’t do this anymore Stell.” You sighed, leaning against a table, running your hands over your face.

“Now I can’t give the amazing advice that Kidd usually gives, but maybe I could help.” Looking up, you saw Kelly stood in front of you. “Wanna sit in my office to talk about it?”

-

“I get that I’m clumsy, I’m not denying that. I just don’t want to be the butt of every damn joke! This happens pretty much every shift as well. Last shift they locked me in the ambo for 30 minutes! What if we’d of gotten a call in that time? I mean just look at today. Confetti cannons in my locker. How’d they even get in there?! I’ll admit it was funny at first when I was the new girl and was trying to fit in, but I’ve been here for a year and I’m just fed up with it now.” You sighed, finishing your rant.

You were sat crossed legged on the end of Kelly’s bed, Kelly sat in the desk chair and Stella leaned against the door. The both of them showing different emotions. Stella was looking at you sympathetically, she knew about everything that was happening and she’s was what you called your ‘free therapist’. Kelly however was shocked, he knew Otis and Cruz had been pranking you, but he hadn’t realised how often nor how much it was getting to you. Leaning forward in his chair, Kelly placed a hand on your knee, causing you look at him.

“If it’s getting to you this much Y/N, go to Boden.”

“No.” You protested, “I don’t wanna be a snitch. I wanna get even.” A devilish smirk made its way on to your face.

“Oh boy.” Stella grinned, “they’re really in for it.”

-

By the time next shift rolled around, with the help of Kelly and Stella, you had come up with a hand full of pranks and were ready to implement them. While Kelly kept them busy, you and Stella wrapped up their cars in cellophane - including the insides. Just as you were getting ready for the next one, both squad and truck were sent on a call. Breaking into their lockers, you took everything out and filled them with glitter filled balloons. ‘Have fun popping them’ you thought. Once they were back from the call and had sat down to eat was when you decided it was safe enough for the final prank. Stella was sat in the common room to distract them if needed. Taking a a plate of food for yourself, you grabbed an extra one, saying you were gonna eat with Kelly in his office. Placing the plates down on his desk, you ushered him to follow you. Getting to the locker room you pulled out the step ladder you had hidden in there earlier that day. Grabbing the bag filled with Otis and Cruz’s belongs out of your locker along with a tube of gorilla glue. Climbing up the ladder, you got Kelly to pass you items as you glued them to the ceiling. You knew you’d probably get in quite a bit of trouble for doing this, but then again you had a lieutenant helping you so how much trouble would you really be in?

You had lost count of the amount of times Kelly told you to be carful. Gluing the last item to the ceiling, you had made the mistake of leaning back slightly. This caused you to loose your footing on the ladder. Letting out a small shriek you fell backwards, kicking the ladder over in the process. Squeezing your eyes shut, you got ready for the pain that came with your body coming into contact with the floor, but it never came. What you did feel however was two arms holding onto your torso and the sound of a grunt. Opening your eyes you found that you were laying at floor level, except it wasn’t the floor you was laid on. It was Kelly, who still had his arms wrapped around you. He had caught you and the force had knocked the both of you down. Sliding out of his grip, you sat up facing him. Kelly followed your actions, one hand resting on the small of your back.

“Look, this is not what I meant when I told you to fall for me.” He laughed, rubbing the back on his neck.

“Oh god, did I hurt you? Did you hit your head?” You questioned, causing Kelly to laugh again.

“No, no I’m good.”

As the two of you sat on the floor, watching each other, you realised just how close together you were sat. You were sure Kelly’s eyes flicked down to your lips then back up to your eyes. Before you got the chance to act on it, the two of your were disturbed.

“What the heck’s going on?” Herrmann asked. Looking up, you saw everyone gathered in the locker room.

“I, uhh, I fell. Kelly caught me and umm, broke my fall?” It came out as more of a question than a statement.

Pulling yourself up off the floor, you excused yourself. You didn’t realise Kelly had followed you into the bunk room until you felt a hand wrap around your wrist. Turing you around, you collide with Kelly’s chest. Before you had a chance you say any thing, Kelly grabbed hold of your face with his free hand, crashing his lips onto yours. It took a second for the shock to wear off before you reciprocated the kiss, your hand moving to the back of his neck.

Breaking apart Kelly let out a breathy laugh, “I’ve been waiting a long time to do that.”

“And I’ve been waiting a long time for you to.” You laughed back, smiling up at him.

[satendou]

⟼ some kind of disaster

⍣ all time low series | previous | next | 2/4

・‥…━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━…‥・

⇢ pairing: tendo/reader

⇢ au: atl!au, college!au

⇢ summary:  tendo knows he is, he was just waiting for you to figure it out  

⇥ masterlist

⇢ warnings: angst, breakups, akaashi being a good friend, semi being (maybeb too much of) an asshole

⇢ word count: 3496

・‥…━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━…‥・

⇢ a/n: 1) this is unedited. 2) i have a serious complex about this whole series now due to how well monster did, so i’m sorry if anyone is disappointed by this chapter.

i’m a liar i’m a cynic i’m a sinner, i’m a saint i’m a loser i’m a critic i’m the ghost of my mistakes and it’s all my fault that i’m still the one you want what are you after, some kind of disaster

They say falling in love is easy, it’s falling out of love that’s hard. What they fail to mention is how hard it is to still be in love even when you know it isn’t what’s best for you.

And right then, Tendo wasn’t good for you.

It had been several months since that first night and, though you had known it wouldn’t be easy, you had never expected it to be like it was. He had more issues than you could have imagined and a staunch refusal to talk about them. You had your guesses about why which you tried to understand, but the way he handled any small argument or misunderstanding in your relationship was unbearable and unhealthy.

Even now, he wasn’t speaking to you and it was tearing you apart. You weren’t even aware of what you had done because he wouldn’t tell you and you couldn’t for the life of you recall having done anything specific.

“Are you gonna do it today?” Akaashi asked, his words soft, full of understanding. The classical literature class you shared with him was over, and he hovered beside your chair waiting for you to gather your thoughts and your items up. He knew most of what had been happening with Tendo and sympathized because he also knew how enamored you had become with him. It was understandable-- you had been dating for a while, but he had seen a slow decline in your mood over the last few months. After the honeymoon period was over, he would guess, and the little issues that always crop up in relationships started to manifest. 

He recalled the night two weeks ago when you had come to him asking for advice, and it all poured out over takeout and wine. Even Bokuto, who always saw the bright side of things, remained in silent shock at everything happening behind the scenes.

You said he was never violent or angry or irrational. He would just...ignore you for hours or days on end, sometimes for things you couldn’t even determine, then come back like nothing had happened. If you did have an argument, no matter how small, he would just walk away without even trying to come to an agreement, then refuse to speak to you like normal until he decided he was done with that.

Akaashi’s heart broke for you as you sobbed into first your hands and then Bokuto’s shoulder, though he couldn’t refrain from smiling at Bokuto’s sympathy tears. His partner really was too cute for words.

Then you had spoken the dreaded words he was sure had been sitting in your throat for a lot longer than it had taken you to come to him.

“I think I’m going to break up with him.”

The relief that drew across your face as you said that was evident that you weren’t thinking about it, that you just needed support to go through with it. Of course, he and Bokuto were more than willing to give you that.

“I think so,” you murmured, taking your time packing up your stuff. The text you had sent at the beginning of class went unanswered, but marked that it was read two minutes after you sent it.

We need to talk.

It was too obvious what that meant and you were dreading the confrontation to come. You weren’t worried about him getting aggressive. In fact, you were pretty sure you knew how this was going to go down. Like every other argument, he was going to pretend it wasn’t happening and walk away.

The door was too loud when it opened, the students out in the hall too happy when Akaashi opened it. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw Tendo standing across from the door staring out the window with a pensive expression. Then it clenched with all the emotions you were feeling, good and bad and your head spun with anxiety. He looked so sad, his usually vibrant red eyes dull and blank as he watched whatever was going on in the quad.

“I’ll wait for you, okay?” Akaashi asked. You nodded absently, eyes still locked on Tendo. For most people, he would be afraid they were going to renege on their resolve and give into the false promises of change. But the change he had witnessed in you over the last few months and the quiet sadness in your softly spoken words a couple of weeks back had given him a different feeling. You would go through with it, and it was going to shatter you.

Tendo still didn’t look at you when you called his name and, if you had been wavering at all, that shut it down. But he followed you anyway, until you found a secluded spot down an empty hallway. 

You took a deep, stuttery breath. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” he asked, and his voice was icy. He didn’t even seem to care about the tears starting to fall or the way you swiped them away. But it pierced his heart, knowing it was him that caused them, and he knew what was coming. He had known it would end this way the moment he fell for you. He had ended up hurting you just as he’d said he would, and yet he’d let it get this far anyway.

“I’m sorry for whatever it is I did this time. And I’m sorry, but-- I don’t think I can do this anymore,” you whispered, drawing him back to the present.

Silence followed those words. You still weren’t looking at him, so you missed the widening of those sleepy vermillion eyes you’d so come to love and the hands that caressed you so gently curling into fists at his sides.

He knew it, but couldn’t stop the surprise, even as the first crack appeared in his heart. “I-- What?”

It was so hard. Without meaning to, you had fallen in love with him, flaws and baggage and all. You should’ve known better. You had known it wouldn’t be easy to love him but it...it was so much harder than you had been expecting. Too much of your time was spent wondering what you had done to upset him this time and why he was ignoring you, because Tendo didn’t talk about his feelings with you. He left them on a back burner on high until they were so burnt they were unrecognizable, and when he was done being pouty he would seek you out and act like nothing was wrong.

There was no communication in your relationship-- if you could even call it that at this point. You couldn’t find a point to being together if every other day you had done something new to drive him away. It was taxing on you, your mental health plummeting because you were constantly worried about if something was wrong with you. It wasn’t until one of your other friends pointed out how different you were that you turned inward and discovered that particular truth.

You were struggling to keep it together by then, the pain in your heart and the tightness in your throat threatening to overwhelm you. You still hadn’t looked at Tendo. It was too hard-- you would never be able to get the words out if he was staring at you with hurt and confusion. 

Taking a steadying breath, you said, “I can’t fix you, Tendo. This-- This thing we have isn’t healthy, it’s-- we spend more time f-fighting than we do-- or you spend more time ignoring* me for things I-- I don’t even know why half the time and I’m constantly wondering what I’ve done--”

You stopped.

Your thoughts were racing in time with the throbbing pain in your chest and your voice had risen into a high-pitched, breathless mess and you couldn’t think. Breathing in deep, you closed your eyes, letting the tears fall as they may just to give you some relief from the pressure in your throat and once again you missed the look of fear on Tendo’s face.

He’d seen it coming. He had been expecting it for weeks, but didn’t know he would still be blindsided by it. It was his own fault, expecting you to chase after him and deal with his bullshit on your own. He knew it wasn’t fair, but every time he considered the alternative, he clammed up. Still, he wanted to reach out, to comfort you and tell you he would change, but he knew it wasn’t true.

His problems were deep rooted and it wasn’t his partner’s job to put him back together-- even he knew that.

So his nails continued to bite into his palms at his side as he let you spill every pent up emotion, just waiting for the final door to slam in his face.

“But it isn’t me,” you whispered, so quiet he almost missed it. At long last, you lifted your head up and met his eyes. Those beautiful red eyes that you often found yourself lost in were bright and clear and dead, not a trace of emotion anywhere in them. Like he didn't care, and that only made you cry harder. “I know it’s you and I can’t do it anymore. Everything you do makes me-- I’m not the problem, Tendo.” He flinched at the use of his surname and you ignored it. “I love you, you know that? I don’t know when or how, but I do know why. But I also know we aren’t healthy and this relationship is-- it isn’t a relationship. It just isn’t. I don’t know what it is but I--”

He swallowed as your shoulders fell. The words he wanted to say bubbled on his tongue and he bit them back. Hearing you say them now was a cruelty he knew he deserved after the way he’d been treating you, but he still wanted to lash out and break you like you had broken him. But as a last kindness for what you had given him, he only turned and walked away.

The silence that remained spoke volumes like the space that had developed between you, and you left as well, leaving everything behind.

Akaashi was waiting for you just around the corner from the hall, watching Tendo shove through the crowd and out of sight. His hand was warm against your cheek as he wiped away the lingering tears. For now, they had stopped, but he knew more would come.

It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders, in some regards. The weight of your feelings for him still remained, and you knew they would take some time to slide off as well. Akaashi was watching you with kind sympathy, his quiet company a relief as you looped your arm with his, letting him lead you out into the warm spring air. It seemed almost cruel that the weather was so nice when you were so miserable, and a few more tears spilled. 

Guilt accompanied every breath that you felt so light following your breakup, but you knew it was for the best. Nothing good would come of remaining with Tendo when he was so mixed up-- you couldn’t make him happy if he couldn’t make himself happy, and vice versa.

Bokuto’s voice rang loud over the sound of the rest of the crowd, waving his hand above his head at the pair of you. 

“Shall we go get something to eat? And it’s Friday, you can stay with us, if you’d like,” Akaashi said, his voice soothing and melodic to your ringing ears. Suddenly you were more than grateful to have him and Bokuto in your life-- even if the latter was a bit obnoxious.

Like now, he was literally tugging you and Akaashi along behind him, talking nonstop about food, not listening to a word Akaashi was saying. But when you looked over to your friend, he didn’t look aggravated. He looked content and amused, staring at his partner with a soft fondness that made you almost jealous as you thought about when Tendou would look at you that same way.

There was a sharp pang in your heart as you realized he probably wouldn’t look twice at you again. Because that’s just how Tendou was. He ignored his problems and waited until they just went away. And you needed more than that.

i crashed down from a high that felt so real i never knew how much it would hurt to feel you gotta hurt sometimes to learn to heal you gotta get back up and learn to deal, yeah and it’s all my fault that i’m still the one you want

“You’re a fool, you know that?” Semi said. Though it was posed as a question, Tendo knew perfectly well that Semi was telling him what he already knew. As soon as Tendo had shown up in front of him, Semi had snapped that and he could only nod in agreement. “I always knew you’d do this. _____ was perfect for you but you--”

“I know, alright,” Tendou snapped, curling his fists into hands. It was almost impossible for him to hold back the tears that had been threatening to fall since he’d first gotten your text an hour and a half ago. Like the coward he was, he had ignored it and met you outside your class instead, a part of him hoping it would just go away if you saw him. But the hopelessness in your eyes when you had looked at him told him he wouldn’t get his wish this time. “I know I’m a fucking idiot, and _____ was always too good for me.”

A flash of your face and the echo of your words replayed in his addled brain.

“I don’t know what I’ve done this time.”

You hadn’t done anything. You had never done anything. He was a coward when it came to arguments but when he was ignoring you it wasn’t because of you.

It was him, all his fears bubbling to the surface and an attempt to push you away, to make you realize you were worth more than whatever he had to offer.

“Whatever we have is unhealthy.”

“It isn’t even a relationship.”

He was unhealthy, he knew he was, and it had driven you away from him. He only had himself to blame.

Semi huffed, watching Tendo closely. He was doing that blank thing he did to mask his feelings when he couldn’t handle them, turning into himself instead of applying the burden to someone else. He was sure he was doing it to you in your relationship too, and you probably didn’t understand because Tendo wasn’t being open. It was a vicious cycle, one Semi had seen too often. “I’m glad you realize, you idiot.” Then, more softly, he said, “I’m sorry, for what it’s worth. I know you love her.”

Tendo flinched, his eyes closing.

*“I love you, you know that?”*

He would have said them back in a heartbeat, given the opportunity. He wanted so desperately to say them but the words had stuck in his throat, and the less selfish part of him knew it was for the best. The situation was already fucked up enough without him stirring it up more. Saying those words back would have hurt more than helped, especially because, deep down, he knew he wouldn’t change.

At least he could say he had done something right, in letting you go. 

You would flourish without him holding you back and weighing you down with all his problems and baggage.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

Semi’s voice cut through Tendo’s derogatory thoughts, and he flinched again. He hated that smug, all knowing tone even though he was usually spot on.

“Alright then, oh great oracle. What am I thinking?” he asked, shuffling along down the sidewalk towards their apartment. Trying to think of anything besides you, he tried to remember what was in their fridge to eat. Old pizza is all he could think of, from when you had come over and--

Nope.

Semi snorted at Tendo’s sad attempt at humor. Not that all of his attempts weren’t sad but his heart really wasn’t in it this time. “You’re telling yourself it was for the best and how you aren’t good enough and blah blah blah. You’re still an idiot.”

“Would you stop saying that?” Tendo asked, looking up to the sky. It was still early afternoon, the sky cloudless, the air pleasantly warm. If circumstances were different he would be spending it with you by his side-- then again, probably not. He hadn’t properly spoken to you or seen you in a few days and it wasn’t going to change today either. “My ears hurt.”

And his heart. He could feel a slow throbbing building up between his ears. A migraine was the final nail he deserved in his coffin and the sadistic part of him wanted to exacerbate it as much as he could. Just to give himself something else to focus on.

“Fine, fine. Just one more time. You’re a goddamn idiot,” Semi said, glaring at him. He knew he should feel worse for his friend than he was, but he also deserved it. There was only so much sympathy he could give when Tendo refused to help himself. He had never been happier than when he started dating you and Semi couldn’t go ten minutes without hearing your name. Now Tendo was slumped over as they walked, feet shuffling against the sidewalk as he stared blankly ahead, and Semi sighed. “Can I give you some advice? You know, friend to idiot?”

Tendo groaned, rolling his eyes, but nodded nonetheless. Semi meant well-- mostly-- and usually gave good advice. Now, if only he would stop trying to make Tendo feel worse. “Sure, I guess. We both know I won’t listen though.”

Semi nodded, snickering behind his hand. The signal for the crosswalk changed, throngs of people instantly flooding the street. They flowed through and around each other, becoming separated for a few moments, until they met on the sidewalk on the other side.

“When you two are together, were together, I’ve never seen you happier. And Akaashi says that _____ is-- was-- too. Do you not trust her?” Semi asked, and watched the way Tendo froze up and paled, inhaling sharply. But he didn’t immediately say no, and that was telling. “If you don’t trust her, you’ll never maintain a relationship, with her or anyone else. Do you really want that, ‘Tori?”

He hadn’t considered that. Not trusting you wasn’t the exact issue. He felt he could tell you anything-- so long as anything didn’t entail things that might annoy you or make him a burden on you. His biggest fear was putting too much of himself into you only to overwhelm you, driving you away. That had backfired pretty spectacularly though, if he had to say so, and now he was left to wonder what would have happened if he had gone that route.

“No, I guess not,” he answered. To anyone else it would have sounded callous and uncaring, but Semi had known him a lot longer and recognized the sound of a Tendo who was in serious thought.

“Then you need to change. I get that you’re afraid, but those bullies from elementary and highschool shouldn’t keep holding you back. And who knows, maybe it isn’t too late with _____,” Semi said with a shrug, and smirked at the way Tendo perked up at that. He deflated just as rapidly a split second later, but it was to be expected. 

The smirk fell as Semi considered. The way things stood, you were better off because Tendo was unhealthy, and probably not in a good place to be in a relationship. He didn’t fault you for breaking it off-- not when he would have done the same. Still, he’d like to see him happy again, especially with you. But he couldn’t guess if Tendo would take it to heart and try, or whether or not you would wait around for him to decide and figure himself out.

Shrugging, he glanced at the barbecue place they were passing by and reached out, tugging Tendo to a stop. When he nodded towards it, Tendou sighed.

“Sure, I’m down. Shouldn’t be sad on an empty stomach.”

Semi groaned. “You are such an idiot.”

i’m a liar i’m a cynic i’m a sinner, i’m a saint i’m a loser i’m a critic i’m the ghost of my mistakes and it’s all my fault that i’m still the one you want what are you after, some kind of disaster

⇥ masterlist 

⇥ taglist: @sluttony​, @visaintes​, @yunhosblackgf​, @super-noya​, @byebyes-world​, @newfriendjen​, @atsunakaashi​

[billiedeanhwrd]

when i fell you were there, with your hands in the air

cordelia goode x fem!reader

summary: your depression is hitting you harder than most days, cordelia comforts you 🤍

warnings: depression, slight mention of childhood trauma, it's angsty mental health fluff basically

word count: 1.7k

a/n: this is my first ever fanfic and i'm very very nervous about it, so pls don't be too harsh, constructive criticism is very much welcome though!! also i'm sorry about any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language. i also have to add that this was very much self indulgent and based on my own experience with depression, so if you don't relate, that's fine, everyone experiences it differently. I hope you enjoy it tho, have fun reading <3

today was one of those days again. one of those days where everything seemed grey and pointless. one of those days where taking a shower was too exhausting. one of those days where it didn't matter if you left your clothes on the floor or a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. one of those days where you isolated yourself. one of those days that seemed to return to you every morning for almost 3 weeks now.

you had been struggling with depression for years now and attending therapy regularly still didn't take away from the embarrassment you felt about your illness. cordelia didn't know, you didn't want to burden her with your subjectively "silly" problems. It wasn't easy hiding something so life consuming from your lover, but whenever you were with her you felt as though you could reach for the stars and there was no point in ruining happy moments with sad stories.

Whenever you felt really depressed and unable to function, you isolated yourself. Cordelia and you had been together for 7 months now and the first time she thought she had done something wrong which had resulted in you needing space from her, but when she confronted you, you reassured her that sometimes you needed some time to yourself because you were a more introverted person. While that might be true, you wanted nothing more than for her to take you into her arms and tell you everything was going to be okay again, but the fear of possibly burdening the already very busy supreme held you back from confessing what was weighing you down.

you were used to this already, you always kept your darkness to yourself, too afraid of being too much or being abandoned by your loved ones, while the rational side of you knew that the people in your life who truly meant something to you would never abandon you because of your chronic depression, anxiety left no room for rationality.

you were always feeling kind of down, but some days it was easier to cope and enjoy your day despite that... and then there were those phases where you felt unusually down, those phases that caused you to isolate yourself and wait for the storm to pass in solitude. They usually lasted only a few days or maximum a week, but this one had been going on for much longer. cordelia was worried, you had never needed so much "alone time to recharge your social battery", but she didn't want to overstep your boundaries and possibly push you away, because what you weren't aware of was that cordelia too struggled with abandonment issues and fearing she would be "too much" (which she could never be for you, you adored every single second you could spend in the blonde witch's presence).

After leaving multiple text messages and trying to call you, only to be greeted by your voicemail, cordelia took it upon herself to see what was going on with you. The knocking on your door would've usually startled you, but you had just ordered a pizza, too tired to prepare a meal yourself and assumed the delivery was faster than they had stated on their website. your jaw fell open and the door was quickly closed again, shit shit shit, what am i supposed to do now? the place looks like a mess, i can't let cordelia se-

"y/n can you open the door please?" she asked in her gentle voice. "Uh, yeah, give me a second" you replied, hastily throwing on a hoodie that had been lying around on your couch, coincidentally that hoodie being one you stole from cordelia a few weeks ago, something that made your girlfriend's heart warm up a little and relieve her of some of the worried thoughts she had that this might be your way of signaling to her that you no longer wished to be in a relationship with her.

"can we talk? i haven't seen you in three weeks and you haven't answered any of my texts... what's going on? you know you can talk to me about anything..."

"uhm, yes, of course. sit down, make yourself at home, would you like anything to drink?"

"no, thank you, i just want to talk to you"

you didn't have the energy to lie to the woman who held your heart in her hands anymore, you were terrified of her reaction, not only to you being mentally ill but also to you hiding it for so long.

"i'm so sorry delia, please don't be mad", you anxiously stuttered out. cordelia grabbed your hand and smiled reassuringly, signaling for you to continue talking.

"I didn't tell you before because i know you've already got so much going on with the academy and i didn't want to pile onto that with my irrelevant issues... I was diagnosed with depression amongst other things a few years ago, it's something i have to deal with every day and some days are easier than others, but sometimes it all comes crashing down on me and i feel like i'm lost in an ocean of a sadness so powerful, i can feel the pain on my body. I know it can be challenging to be close to someone with severe mental issues and I understand if you don't want to continue being with me, i would never want you to stay with me because you pity me or because you're afraid i'd do something to myself if you'd left, you're not responsible for my feelings or actions and i would never want to impose you with such a burden and-"

you stopped rambling when you noticed the tears flowing down cordelia's cheeks.

your eyes widened and your heart started pounding rapidly in your chest. "i'm sorry, was that too much?"

"no, no, no, no, no... it just pains me to know that you've been dealing with this on your own for such a long time because you don't value yourself enough to believe that other people might want to support you through your everyday battles. y/n, i know you, you're the girl who's always there when someone else needs a shoulder to cry on, anytime, anyplace, you always go out of your way to make others feel seen and accepted, why would you ever think that you don't deserve the kindness you so openly give to others?"

now it was you who was crying, cordelia was right, you didn't value yourself enough to believe that. you didn't actively think of yourself as less than others but that thought always unconsciously motivated the way you dealt with the things that were bothering you.

cordelia patted her lap, signaling for you to sit on her lap and come into her arms. you hesitated though, you weren't used to being so vulnerable and open with your emotions and it scared the shit out of you. you feared cordelia was possibly annoyed at you and was only doing this to get it over with and then get out. she watched you, while you were anxiously deciding what your next move would be, her heart broke for you, you looked like a scared baby dear when all she wanted to do was to comfort you.

"baby, look at me"

her chocolate colored eyes were so full of love, simply looking into them managed to get your heart rate down.

"it's okay, i'm not mad at you for talking about your feelings and all i want to do right now is to hug some of your pain away, so please, let me hold you"

you melted at her gentle words and understanding nature, cordelia was an incredibly smart woman, who went through traumatic things herself and even from that little information you shared, she understood you. she saw her younger self in you, so incredibly lonely but oh, so scared of being vulnerable with another person, due to the emotional abuse her mother subjected her to, and while she might not have gone through the same things you did, she felt like she understood your feelings in this exact moment and she wanted nothing more than to make you feel safe with her.

you slowly crawled into her lap, still afraid this was all a trick to hurt you, but when she started combing through your hair and reassuringly whispering "i've got you" and "you're here with me, i promise you, you're safe", you relaxed into her arms.

after about half an hour of laying there with each other, calming down and enjoying the other one's warmth, you spoke up.

"delia?"

"yes, my love?"

"so you're not leaving me?", you hesitantly asked.

cordelia sat up and looked straight in your eyes while asking "would you leave someone you love because they're depressed?"

"no, never"

"then tell me, sweetheart, why would i leave you?"

her response left you speechless, you almost missed her confessing her love. "you love me?"

she hugged you tight and pressed a kiss on your forehead. "more than anything, and please, never worry about telling me about what's going on in that pretty little head of yours, no matter what it is, i wanna know, okay?"

you let out the breath you didn't know you were holding and confidently replied "okay"

a few minutes passed before you spoke up again when you remembered you didn't say those 3 special words back.

"i love you too, by the way"

cordelia smiled lovingly and stood up to reach out for your hand and pull you up. "i know, now let's go to bed, we can clean up this place tomorrow"

you accepted her helping hand and engulfed her in a hug. the way she so naturally used the word "we" and didn't seem to mind helping you clean up your mess of an apartment made you more emotional than you'd like to admit.

And while you knew this would not be the last time you were overwhelmed by your depression, you now knew that you could count on the woman who loved you to stand by your side and help you get through even your hardest day.

[em0avacado]

Supposed To Be (Angel Reyes x Reader)

summary : uh first it’s sad but then it’s..... not as sad. there’s no real plot. Angel slowly falls in love with his best friend.

trigger warning : UUUHH FILTH, mentions of cheating, broken hearts, also - all things dirty near the end.

word count : 2.1k

It didn’t rain much in Santo Padre, that was a given, it was basically the desert. So on the rare occurrence that it did, you’d dwell in it. Sitting inside, against an open window, and listened to the water pelting against the glass, washing away the sins of the small town. But this time, you were soaked to the core, water hitting your head, your toes touching every puddle that was in her path, her heels not being very water nor cold resistance. The storm inside your heart mirrored the one that riddled the quiet streets. If it weren’t for your red, puffy eyes, one couldn’t even tell your cheeks were tear stained. Shivers hit you bones as she stepped up the front porch of your best friends house. Someone you loved so dearly, but someone that you’d pushed away, all due to the asshole you found buried deep in your only other friends pussy. It wasn’t the first time, either, for some odd reason, the first time, you��d been inclined to believe his sobbed apologies, you knew people made mistakes, and though this wasn’t one you’d forgive, you found yourself doing so. In your weak state, one you hated showing, despising how it felt to be so vulnerable to anyone, especially someone you hurt. You nearly fell into Angel’ s arms when he opened the door, wordless sobs racking your chest. You told him everything, and he listened, that day he swore that was the last time he’d let some lowlife break your heart, even if it meant he’d have to kill them.

You ended up moving in with Angel, the situation you had been in wasn’t ideal, and it took a while to really get yourself back but when you did? The sight was unbelievably gorgeous, after seeing you so low, seeing you on his step, eyes swollen, throat raw, hair a mess, clothing tattered, it was breath taking seeing you shine again. You allowed yourself to really feel the pain for a while, wanting to get that part over with, so you didn’t find yourself crawling back to someone like your ex again, and it almost felt.. like you’d been reborn in the rain that night. You took it one day at a time, within the first few days you didn’t get out of bed, then you did, starting with small tasks before you went back to bed, then you started going back to work, not intending to be some sort of mooch.

It was one night, a few months after living with him, he came home his usual time, around eight, stopping at the door when he heard the music blasting from the inside. Furrowing his brows when he heard you screech along, you were far from a singer, but he’d pay thousands to continue to hear the pure joy in your voice as the words pitched. He opened the door as quietly as possible, and when you didn’t notice him, he walked further in. He saw you dancing around the kitchen with a wooden spoon in your hand, using it as a microphone, you wore a sports bra, and plaid pj shorts that clung to your hips as you moved them, not at all to the rhythm. “My pride still feels the sting, you were my everything! someday i’ll find a love like yours!!” you sang brightly, more meaning behind the words than you’d like to admit. You jumped when Angel finished the lyric, lifting your spoon as a weapon, ready to strike as he sang “she’ll think i’m superman, not super minivan!” he laughed, then she did, finishing the song, she turned the radio down, and they carried on making dinner and talked about each other’s day.

It was the time that Angel had a really rough day, after being taught for years by ex lovers, and surely society itself that it wasn’t okay for him to express his emotions, you showed him that he’s allowed to be comfortable in himself and you, no matter the day. The storm cloud around his head was dark, his chest felt heavy, his limbs dragged. He’d ignored the “hello” he got from you after he came home, he went straight for his room, keeping it dark. Furrowing your brows, you gave him a few minutes before you went inside. Climbing into the bed, you lifted the sheets and wrapped your arms around his sleeping form, when he woke up, he saw you, sleeping with him in your grasp. He looked at you, watching you in silence, the heavy heart that say in his chest, lightened, you were there for him without asking the slightest of you. You made him feel safe.

It was that one friday, where he was supposed to be on a run, you were supposed to have the house to yourself so you ran around in a shirt that went down to mid thigh, an oversized shirt. his. oversized shirt. The club had gotten home early from a run, they were supposed to be home tomorrow, he could’ve stayed at the clubhouse. The Mayans had planned a party, but Angel felt himself missing you, it’d already been over twenty four hours since he saw you last and he felt the withdrawals. So, naturally, he went home, the house was silent, you were in bed, on top of the covers, bedroom door wide open, like a book, and your hands between your legs. Your head tilted back, eyes shut, he could tell you were close, so close, the small sources of light in the room bounced off your glistening skin. You didn’t withhold your moans, you were supposed to be alone, so of course you’d let yourself feel it.

He watched as you brought yourself closer and closer to that delicious climax that curled your toes, he felt like he should look away, like he should walk away and forget he ever saw that but his mouth watered at the sight, utterly star struck. He was about to walk away, leave you to it, his pants growing tighter, he wanted to give you your privacy but that was over the moment his name escaped your lips, in a soft, angelic moan. Disregarding his kutte quickly, he went up to the corner of your bed and cleared his throat “you called?” he asked, raising a brow at you as you scrambled to find cover, widening your eyes quickly, bringing you down from that high quickly and pulling your legs closed but he stopped you with a finger to your knee. “no, baby. lemme see that pretty pussy.” he nearly growled, a shiver ran down the length of your spine. Inhaling deeply, you slowly spread your legs again, putting your glistening heat on display for him.

You felt the bed shift as he got on, dipping with his weight, he ran his fingertips over your soft skin, a ghosting touch causing a litter of goosebumps to rise on your skin. You watched him closely, the suspense killing you slowly, you clenched your muscles around nothing, your desire for him burning hot as he just looked, awe struck. “This all for me?” he asked, his eyes meeting yours, and when you didn’t respond, looking at him in silence, he reached up, grasping your chin between his forefinger and thumb, adjusting your face roughly. “I asked you a question.” he said, his voice stern, and so velvety smooth.

“yes.” you mustered, caught up in arousal and nerves.

“yes, what, princess?” he asked, his free hand ghosting up your inner thigh, making you want to whine for his touch, shivering once again.

“yes, it’s all for you.” you nearly whimpered but did your best to maintain your composure.

“I want to taste you, may i?” he asked, eyes still on you as you nodded eagerly, and you didn’t need to say it twice.

He started at your knees, peppering soft kisses down the inside of your thighs as he lowered himself. Now laying between your legs, he placed little butterfly kisses everywhere but where you needed him the most. You whined, and squirmed, you wanted him, so, so, bad. His eyes met you again, looking for your reaction as he dove between your legs, starting to devour you the moment he made contact. His tongue trailing between your folds, lapping up your juices, leaving no part of you untouched. He wasn’t a religious man, but he knew right then, that if anything was the forbidden fruit, it was you. He was completely lost in the way you tasted, and your head was swimming, the moment he focused on your clit, you lost all and any control you had. You gripped his hair tightly as your orgasm ran through your body, arching your back, you ground your hips against his face, cumming quickly. But he didn’t stop, selfishly lapping up your climax, he pushed his thumb against your clit and just continued, you began forcing your legs shut around his head, pushing off the bed, you cried out his name and panted until he pulled his face away. Your cum dropping from his beard, he looked proud.

Panting, you thought he was done,maybe he’d fuck you next, but no, he sat up, wrapped his arms around your hips, pulled you closer and dove back in, he fucked you with his tongue for a while, getting you going again before he plunged two fingers in your tight hole and went to town. He curled them when he knew he should, and continued with the assault on your clit until you gripped onto any and everything you could, shoving pillows off the bed, squirming away, pushing at his head. He didn’t stop, nor slow down until you shook, moaning his name, and sprayed your arousal all over him. With a proud smirk, he added a third finger, quickening the pace of his fingers as you came harder than you could ever remember.

Then he gave you a moment to relax, pulling away, he set you down, leaving you a panting mess as you slowly came down. Looking at him after you opened your clenched shut eyes, you saw him undressing himself, and felt yourself get excited all over again, despite the utter exhaustion that washed over you. You sat up in a puddle of your own creation, and reached forward, you wanted to touch him, return the favour, but when he pulled your hand away, and flipped you on all fours, he set a pillow beneath your waist. Stroking himself before he slid in slowly, quickly, you stiffened, feeling him stretch you out, you cried out his name in pleasure. You knew you wouldn’t last long, but based on the way he swore under his breath, you knew he was in the same boat. He gave you a few moments to get used to his size, before he drove himself into you, hard and fast, his rhythms didnt slow or get sloppy, hearing you scream his name is what kept him going, until you came for a third time, he slapped his hand to your clit, circling his finger on it quickly as you shook. Crying of pleasure into the bed, the next thing you felt was him finishing inside you, pull out slowly, only to watch his seed slide out of you in a slow drip.

Collapsing next to you, he painted as you tried to collect yourself. He grabbed onto you carefully, pulling you into his side and wrapping his arms around you. “holy fuck.” you managed to whisper after a few minutes of catching your breath, he looked down at you, and nodded his head in agreement.

He picked her up, climbing out of bed with her he set her on the bathroom counter, running her a bath. “stay here, baby. I’m gonna toss your shit in the wash.” he hummed, kissing her forehead. So she did, she waited, and if she tried to get up her legs wobbled uncontrollably. He came back like he promised, her bed newly dressed, he set her in the tub and got in behind her. He slowly washed her, soaping up her limbs “You know, [Y/N] theres no point in not wanting to cross a line now so.. I fell in love with you, the day that I came home to you dancing in the kitchen, the way your smile glows and the way you light up a room on the darkest days.” he admitted in a soft hum, trailing his fingers over your wet skin.

“I fell in love with you, too. I can’t tell you when, I don’t know when, I just know I woke up one day and you were it.” you spoke the words Angel had always wanted to hear.

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch 4. Low Flying Stationery

Summary: Steve realises that the only way out of the seeming hole he’s dug himself into is to come clean about his feelings to Katie, only that’s easier said than done.

Pairing: Steve Rogers X OFC Katie Stark

Warnings: Language! Angst and a pair of total dumbasses in love… A/N: Once again, a huge thank you to @angrybirdcr​ for her lovely little edit.

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 3

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist 

   “I went under, the world was at war, I wake up and they say we won. They didn’t say what we lost.”

“Yeah, well we’ve made some mistakes along the way. Some very recently…”

Steve woke up with a start, taking a deep breath as he blinked, coming out of his sleep addled haze. It didn’t take a genius to work out why his mind had taken him back to that particular moment in time, and it wasn’t wasted on him either that this time he was the one who had made the big assed mistake the night before…

Glancing at his clock, he decided that 5:00 am wasn’t too early, so he changed and headed out for a run, pounding his frustration out on the wet ground beneath his feet. He was so annoyed at himself for simply letting Katie walk out with no protest at all. He should have stopped her, gone after her, he realised that now.

It was official, he was the world’s biggest moron.

He knew now that the only way to salvage anything from this mess was to be honest, regardless of how she felt or didn’t feel as the case may be. So, as he thundered round past the Lincoln Memorial for the fourth time, he started to plan out exactly what he was going to say. By the time he got home an hour and a half later, and climbed into a scalding hot shower, he was feeling slightly more positive. 

He just hoped she’d hear him out.

***** After a night of tossing and turning, alternating between being angry at herself and pissed at Steve, Katie had also been up at a ridiculous time, but unlike Steve she had curled up on her sofa with a film, counting the minutes down until it was an acceptable time to call her brother.

“Seven thirty AM?” Tony drawled as he answered. “You wet the bed?”

“Fuck off” She shot back “No, just had a shitty end to yesterday and thought I’d call to hear a friendly voice. Beginning to wonder why I bothered.”

“Bad day?” Tony’s voice softened “Ok Kiddo, I’m all ears.”

“Nah don’t wanna talk about it.” Katie said, and she didn’t. There was NO WAY she was telling Tony about Steve and whatever the hell nearly went down. That was a whole shit storm she didn’t want landing at Steve’s feet. “So what’s new with you?”

“Nothing much.” Tony sniffed.

“How’s things with you and Pepper? Still behaving?”

“I’m insulted you even asked me that.”

“I know you too well.” She chuckled.

“Well, if you really wanna know they’re going great. I’m thinking of taking her out to the Island in a couple of weeks. A dirty week away…”

“Ok too much information” she grimaced as Tony’s chuckle hit her ears “You’re nasty”

“I’m in love!” He said in a sing-song voice, making Katie roll her eyes.

“I never thought I’d see the day where you love someone more than yourself.”.

“What is this, Kiddo? Insult Tony day?” He scoffed making her laugh. “I love lots of things more than myself.”

“Yeah, like what?”

“You, Pepper…” the line was silent for a few seconds before he finished “Nope, that’s it.”

Katie laughed “I’m honoured.”

“So you should be, it’s a very hard list to make.”

They talked for another half an hour about all sorts of crap, Katie simply happy to hear her brother’s voice as it had been weeks since she’s seen him, far too long in her opinion. Eventually they both had to get ready for work so after breakfast and a shower she felt a little better although her stomach was still flipping slightly at the thought of seeing Steve. He’d messaged her a few times last night but she’d completely ignored him, and was feeling a little shitty about it now, if she was honest.

But, there was nothing she could do except apologise and hopefully they could move on and in time forget it.

When she walked into the Tactical Ops Office,  Clint and Natasha were already in there, eating a pastry each, both with a coffee in hand and she was touched, as always, to see one waiting on her desk for her. But not touched enough to let Barton get away with using her desk as a foot rest.

“Get your feet down…” Katie slapped at his legs.

“Rude,” he muttered, removing them and placing his feet on the floor. “I bought you coffee.”

“Which is both appreciated and needed.” she pecked him on the cheek. “Thanks Hawkeye”

“You look like you aint slept all night.” Nat eyed Katie shrewdly as she shrugged off her coat “Who is he?”

“I should be so lucky” Katie mumbled dropping into her chair. She didn’t tell them that the reason she hadn’t slept all night was thanks to a certain blue eyed super soldier, but not because he was in bed with her, more so because he wasn’t.

“Better take a nap this afternoon then.” Clint pointed at her. “Want you on good form for the party.”

“What party?” Katie frowned.

“Rumlow’s 40th…”

She groaned. “That’s tonight?”

“Yeah.” Clint nodded, before he let out a snort as he looked over his shoulder at Nat “Now this is gonna be interesting.”

“What?” Katie frowned

“He’s referring to the fact I’ve been planning an outfit for a few days…” Nat yawned, examining her nails.

“Yeah and seeing you try and figure one out in a few hours, Nova, is gonna be amazing…”

 “Not like I’m short of options,” Katie shrugged “I mean half the shit in my closet hasn’t seen the light of day in years.”

“You can always gift it to me.” Natasha quipped back

“Speaking of gifts, has anyone done a collection for dearest Brock?” Clint looked around. “I mean it is his 40th party after all, we should probably get him something…”

 “Like what?” Nat asked.

“I dunno. What’s he into?” Clint pondered.

“I know what he’d like to get into.” Nat responded with a smirk. “Nova’s pants…”

At that Clint let out a bark of a laugh just as Steve walked through the door, expertly catching the pencil that Katie threw at the Archer.

“Beware low flying stationery.” Steve quipped as casually as he could, tossing the item onto the desk in front of Clint who leaned back in his chair, putting his feet back on the surface. Steve locked eyes with Katie for a second and he saw her take a deep, steadying breath before she looked over at Clint as he responded to Steve’s joke.

“It wasn’t flying, it was thrown.” he smirked. “Just Stark here getting a little upset about Nat’s joke.”

“I wasn’t upset, it was just a shit joke.” Katie rolled her eyes

“But it’s true, that’s what’s so funny!” Clint snorted “Admit it, you know he’s after a bit…”

“Can we just change the subject, please?” Katie groaned, turning to the keyboard on her desk. She could feel Steve’s eyes burning into her back as she tried to concentrate on the screen, ignoring him.

“You coming tonight Cap?” Clint asked

“Rumlow’s 40th?” Steve asked and Clint nodded

“Did everyone remember except me?” Katie looked round.

“Pretty much.” Nat nodded

Katie scowled.

“You’re a proper little ray of sunlight today.” Clint snorted at the expression on her face.

“I told you I’m tired.”

“Try going to bed and sleeping.” Nat quipped and this time it was a highlighter pen that flew across the room.

“Carry on and it will be a stapler.” Katie frowned. “I was alone, thank you. Unless you count my pillow.”

Steve looked down at his feet

“Was the pillow good?” Clint asked, and she glared at him, picking up the stapler as he laughed, holding his hands up.

“Anyway, Romanoff…” Steve deftly changed the subject as Katie slammed the stapler back down.  “You ready for ops drill or…”

Nat groaned and pushed her chair back across the floor with a scrape. “Slave driver…catch you later Stark”

“Yeah see ya…” Katie didn’t bother turning round.

“I’m due on the range in 10 with the new recruits so…” Clint stood up and followed Nat before he stopped and turned back, glancing over his shoulder again before he spoke.

“Listen, don’t tell Widow I asked this but what’s the dress code for tonight? I better start sorting out what I’m wearing whilst I get chance…”

Katie stopped before she turned slowly in her seat and smirked up at him, raising an eyebrow.

“You hypocrite! It’s smart casual and if you don’t want me to tell Nat, it’ll cost you a beer”

“A beer for your silence… why haven’t we done this trade before?”

“Fuck off!” she flicked him the finger as he disappeared out of the office leaving Steve and her alone.

 “Hey.” He spoke gently, testing the water “You alright?”

“Yeah” she nodded, looking up at him and he smiled, that fucking smile again and she cleared her throat. “Honestly I’m just tired.”

“You ran out on me.” he pointed out, studying her face.

“You didn’t exactly stop me Steve.” she shot back and he sighed.

“I know.” he swallowed “But you could have messaged me back.”

“Sorry, I was just…” Katie ran her hand over her face. “Actually, I don’t know what I was to be honest.”

There was a pause, a little awkward silence filling the room before Steve took a deep breath.

“Listen.” he began, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “About last night, what…well, what nearly happened. I err, I wanted to say that I-”

“It’s fine.” Katie cut him off quickly. “I get it, it was an emotional day and there was a lot for you to process and deal with. I mean, I was all over the place so I expect you were too. Guess we just…”

She trailed off and something inside Steve died a little. She’d felt sorry for him, that was the only reason they’d shared that moment.  He struggled to keep his face straight as he shrugged, looking down at his hands, all thoughts of his planned speech flying out of his head.

“We’re okay, right?” Katie looked at him, and he glanced up, smile fixed on his face.

“Sure” he nodded, hopping off the desk. “Listen, I need to…” he pointed to the door.

“Yeah, course. I have a tonne of stuff to do anyway. I wanna get home in time for a nap”

He chuckled. “So I’ll err, see you tonight?” he asked.

“Yeah, see you there.”

Katie watched him leave and as soon as he was clear of the room Katie took a shaky breath trying to stem the tears that were threatening once more to pour down her cheeks.

****** 

A wave of sound, both music and the noise of chatter hit Steve’s ears the minute he opened the door. He spotted Nat and Clint leaned against the bar and after saying hi to Rumlow and anyone else who greeted him he made his way over to the other two avengers and smiled.

“Hey Cap” Clint said, clapping him on his shoulder. “Beer?”

“Thanks Barton.”

Clint ordered his drink as Steve glanced around the room, looking for that familiar shock of brunette.

“She’s not here yet.” Nat drawled and he looked at her.

“Right.” He nodded simply, accepting the beer.

“Nice shirt” Clint grinned and Steve glanced down.

“Very modern.” Nat said,

“Romanoff,” Steve rolled his eyes. “You’re a pain in my ass…”

“She’s a pain in everyone’s ass.” Clint shrugged and Nat simply quirked an eyebrow at him as Steve gave a small chuckle, taking a slug of his beer.

“It’s one of my more endearing qualities.” she quipped.

Clint opened his mouth to say something but stopped as his eyes fell on someone and he smiled. Steve turned slightly to follow his gaze to see Katie making her way over towards them and boy, he had to stop his mouth falling open because she looked amazing. Tight black jeans, patent red heels and a sleeveless red top that plunged down her cleavage and tightened in to her waist before flaring out slightly. Her make up looked different, it was still light but she’d done something to her eye lids as they shimmered with a gold colour that made her eyes stand out even more.

Clint dropped a kiss to her cheek when she reached his side and Steve got a sudden hit of her perfume, the underlying floral tones that he associated with her, and he took a deep breath.

“About time…” Clint smiled at Katie. “We thought you had got lost.”

“Yeah, sorry I needed a nap.” she shrugged, nodding to Natasha and Steve.

“You want a drink?” Clint turned back to the bar waving at the tender.

“Yeah, I’ll have a gin thanks.”

“I like this.” Nat mused, her hand toying with the hem of her top. “New?”

“No, I dug it out from the doldrums of my closet.” she smiled, thanking Clint for the drink as he handed it to her. “I told you, I forget what’s in there sometimes.”

“Must be hard being so rich you can afford that many clothes you forget what you have.” Nat smirked, and Katie flipped her off drawing a snort from the red head.

 “Table over there.” Clint spoke, nodding over to the right. “Shall we?”

The four of them made their way over and settled into a comfortable conversation as normal, but both Katie and Steve were ridiculously aware of one another. The smells of cologne and perfume, the feel of his shirt clad arm as it brushed against hers when he moved, her laugh which rang out over the table…

It was torture for them both.

After four rounds of drinks however, Katie had started to relax a little, dare she even say enjoy herself, so it was bound to be a matter of time before something else went wrong.

And it did, in spectacular fashion.

“Who’s round is it?” Clint announced “I’m ready for some shots…”

“Mine, I think.” Katie glanced round for one of the guys who was providing table service, when someone talking to Rumlow caught her attention. Tall, short dark hair, dark denim jeans and a white shirt. To most of the people in the room, the back of that man could have been anyone. But to Katie, well, she knew instantly who it was.

And her good mood sank as fast as it had been rising.

“Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me.” She mumbled. Steve, who had felt her tense next to him, looked down at her as Natasha frowned.

“What?”

“Ward’s here…”

Clint’s hand slipped and he almost sent the remainder of his beer flying as he scanned the room, his eyes narrowing.

“Ward as in, your ex Ward?” Steve asked, feeling the heat rise in his neck. She nodded and across the table Clint started grinding his teeth in a combination of anger and irritation.

Katie watched the back of her ex’s head, and then he turned to look around the room and their eyes locked. His mouth fell open slightly before he composed himself, and turned back to talk to Rumlow, running his hand through his hair, the way he always did when he was trying to act cool.

Katie snorted and turned back to the table.

“Want me to go punch him?” Clint leaned over towards her. “Because I’d really like to.”

Steve found himself thinking that was a great idea but Katie shook her head.

“Just ignore him. I am.”

*****

After three further gin and tonics and two tequilas had worked their way through her system Katie excused herself and headed out to the bathroom. Once she was gone, Clint shook his head.

“I cannot believe that fucking prick showed up.” He growled, waiving the waiter over. “Damned it I hate him.”

“I gathered.” Steve smirked as Clint ordered another round of drinks.

“I mean…what the fuck…why is he even here?” the archer continued to rant and Nat gently laid a hand on hi arm.

“Clint, don’t you think you’re overreacting a little?” She soothed.

“You didn’t see her Nat, that night when she caught him…she was a mess.”

“So was his car.” Natasha grinned and Clint snorted.

“His car?” Steve asked.

“Yeah…” Clint gave a small laugh. “She smashed up the body work…and I left four arrows in his tyres.”

Steve felt a surge of affection the archer as he took a deep breath, looking around. There was no sign of Katie, or Ward. Something seemed a little off, like things weren’t quite right…

 “I’m gonna go check if she’s okay” he stood up, missing the glance that Natasha and Clint shared.

As it happens, Katie wasn’t ok. Nothing about walking out of the bathroom and bumping, literally, into your cheating fucker ex was ever going to be ok.

 “Hi K.” Ward said, as his hands gently grabbed round her arms steadying her, his familiar smell washed over her senses. She pulled back immediately, shaking off his grip.

“Don’t call me that.”

He sighed “C’mon…”

“What do you want, Grant?”

“Hey, you bumped into me.” He chuckled. “You look amazing by the way.”

She snorted, and looked away.

“Look, I just wanted to say, well, I hate how we left things, you know? And I…”

“How we left thigs?” Katie’s eyes locked back onto his as she let out a sarcastic laugh.  “The only thing I left was your apartment after finding you in bed with some blond bimbo.”

“The biggest mistake of my life.” Grant sighed, “I honestly mean that…”

“Is this the part where you say sorry for cheating on me and beg for my forgiveness?” Katie watched as the dark brown eyes that she had once found irresistible bore into hers and she felt the anger simmering again. She’d worked so long to get this man out of her system, but here he was, daring to try and smarm her into accepting an apology.  The sheer audacity of it was making her want to scream.

“I am sorry. I genuinely am…”

“You’re sorry you got caught. There’s a difference.”

“No, that’s not it.” Grant shook his head. “There hasn’t been a single day where I haven’t thought about you and how I fucked up.”

He ran his hand through his hair and Katie shook her head.

“Let’s be honest, she wasn’t the first was she?” She looked up at him. Grant dropped his head and that was all the confirmation she needed. “Our relationship, it was a car crash.”

“I loved you.”

“Seriously? You’re trying that one?” She looked at him, and then burst out laughing. “Oh Jesus…” She shook her head in disbelief and made to walk round him but he grabbed her arm.

“What’s so funny?”

“Let go of me.”

“I asked you a question…”

“And she asked you to let her go.” A familiar voice said and Katie looked up to see Steve stood in the corridor, hands on his belt buckle as the door to the main bar area swung shut behind him, causing the loud background noise to fade slightly. “She won’t need to ask again.”

“Sorry…I…” Ward, let go of her arm as he composed himself and extended his arm in greeting.  “Captain Rogers. We haven’t been formally introduced. I’m-“

“I know who you are, Agent Ward” Steve looked at him, not even moving to take the man’s proffered hand, and he saw Ward’s jaw twitch, as his arm dropped back to his side, fist balling and unballing.

“I see. ” Ward raised an eyebrow, looking from Katie, to Steve and he took a deep breath and nodded. “I meant what I said. I really am sorry.”

Katie didn’t reply, simply watched him leave as he brushed past Steve who moved to the side to let him pass, but only after shooting him one last contemptuous look before the Captain turned back to Katie.

“Are you ok? Did he hurt you?” Steve asked her, stepping forward, noting she was rubbing the place on her arm where Ward’s hand had gripped.

“Hurt me?” she frowned.

“Yeah, your arm.” He nodded to it.

“Oh, no.” she said, shaking her head as her hand moved. “That was just weird.”

“Weird?”

“Yeah, I mean, well for so long I thought about what I’d say to him when I eventually did see him again, you know, how much he hurt me, broke my heart, but right then when I got the opportunity, I realised I actually don’t give a shit anymore.”

Steve smiled. “Good, I’m glad he didn’t upset you.” There was a pause before he gestured over his shoulder. “You err, you wanna go back in?”

“Do you think anyone would notice if I left?” She shrugged. “I don’t wanna be here anymore and there’s a bottle of wine and a pint of ice cream at home with my name on it”

“What Ice cream?” Steve asked, looking at her, raising his brow hopefully and she shook her head, chuckling.

“Mint choc chip.” she looked at him, before she turned to head towards the door of the bar before she stopped, and spoke again, without looking back. “Suppose I can share.”

With that she pushed the door open and Steve grinned, following her out.

*********

“I don’t know why you wear shoes so high if you can’t walk in them?” Steve snorted as Katie let out a groan, kicking her shoes off as soon as they stepped out of the elevator.

“Because they look good.” She shrugged. “I’m just gonna get changed, won’t be long. Grab yourself a drink.”

Whilst she was in the bedroom Steve did as he was told and grabbed a beer for himself, and poured Katie a glass of wine before carrying them into the lounge and setting them on the coffee table. He had to stop himself from staring when she walked back into the room, all long legs and thigh tattoo, in a pair of denim shorts and a hoody. She dropped heavily onto the sofa besides him, taking her wine and gulping down a large mouthful.

“You sure you’re ok?” he asked, looking at her.

“Stop asking me that, Steve.” She snapped. “I’m fine.”

“Sorry, I didn’t…”

“No, I’m sorry.” She shook her head. “That was uncalled for.” She looked at him and gave a soft smile. “I’m fine, honestly. And thank you, for being there before.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” Steve shook his head. “I care about you Katie, you know that. And, well, frankly, when I saw him with his hand on you, I wanted to smash his face into the wall.”

Katie let out a huff of laughter as she glanced at her wine glass.  “You’ll have to get behind Tony in the queue.”

Steve looked down at his beer, before he took a deep breath. “The guy is a dick.” he said, tilting side on so his arm was over the back of the sofa behind her. “And I don’t mean that just because of tonight. If you were my girl I wouldn’t be looking twice at anyone else.”

Katie smiled, as she looked up at him. “That’s because you’re a gentleman.”

“No.” he shook his head, his blue eyes locking onto hers. “It’s because you’re worth so much more than that.”

“Sure.” she shrugged and Steve pressed his lips together in a firm line of frustration.

“Don’t…”

“What?” she frowned.

“Do that.“ he pressed.

“Do what?”

“Put yourself down. You do it all the time” he sighed.

“I don’t.” She swallowed, looking away.

“Yes, you do. You think so little of yourself but you shouldn’t. Katie, you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met” With that he took a deep breath, there was no going back now. The hand that wasn’t draped around the back of the sofa reached out and tangled in hers and as she raised her head to look at him, her eyes were filled with tears and he swallowed, his mouth feeling suddenly dry as the blood pounded in his ears, his heart beating so rapidly he thought it might burst through his chest.

He had to make her understand, just how deep his feeling went.

His right hand gently moved from the sofa back to the side of her jaw where he simply cupped her face and she closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. When she opened them again, it was just in time to see his gaze flicker to her mouth, before he leaned forward, a movement that was slow and seemed to take forever, until his lips met hers in a soft, sweet kiss that set every single nerve in her body on edge.  

Steve pulled away slightly, just enough so that he could look into her eyes, make sure she was okay with this, and finding nothing but eagerness on her part, he pressed his lips back to hers.

The entire world around them faded to nothing and they both relaxed as this time the kiss deepened slightly, his hand still cupping her cheek as he slid his tongue gently across her bottom lip. She obliged, opening her mouth slightly and at the touch of her tongue on his Steve felt a jolt of electricity surge up his spine.  Eventually they broke away and Steve gently slid his nose along hers unable to keep the smile off his face as their foreheads rest together.

“Where did you learn to kiss like that, Captain Badass?” She whispered and he gave a chuckle.

“To be honest with you…” he sat up slightly, his right hand returning to where it had been before, resting on the back of the sofa “I don’t think I have until now.”

She grinned and tucked her hair behind her ear with a hand that was trembling from nerves, adrenaline and absolute pleasure at being kissed by the utter God of a man sat on her sofa.

“So err…” Steve licked his lips. “I know this might be a little late, so to speak after, well, erm, yeah, but I’d really like to take you out, you know, on a date?”

Katie blinked as he stuttered over his words, and suddenly became aware she was chewing on her lip. She felt heat in her cheeks as she looked at him and nodded, smiling softly. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

That crooked grin she knew and had come to love spread across his face.

“You free tomorrow?” he asked before hastily correcting himself “It’s Saturday, or is that too soon? We could always go next weekend instead if you want or-”

“Steve,” she cut him off, gently squeezing her fingers round his, “tomorrow is fine.”

“Great, tomorrow…that’s…great…” He trailed off as Katie held his gaze.

The air between them seemed to crackle and this time it was her that initiated the kiss. This one was slightly deeper, the fire in her belly was hotter and that naughty part of her would have loved nothing more than to throw her hands round his neck and pull him down on top of her. But Steve Rogers was nothing if not a gentleman, and she didn’t want to rush into anything. She’d waited too long for this to fuck it up by moving too fast. With that in mind she willed herself to pull away.

“So err, you wanna watch a film or…” She glanced at the TV.

“Yeah…” Steve gave a little chuckle, his eyebrows raising a little before he took a deep breath. “You need another drink?”

Katiee nodded and he hopped up off the sofa, taking her empty glass to top it up, frankly glad of the chance to cool down. He’d had to stop himself then from pushing her down on the couch, but he knew that wouldn’t be the right thing to do. He wanted to do this properly, it was too special to risk.

Katie flicked through the android box, and with a grin found the perfect film, one that was a comedy, not romance or action, something easy.

“The Sandlot?” Steve asked as he handed her the filled glass, reading the title on the screen. “It’s about baseball?”

“More about kids having adventures over summer but yeah, baseball features a lot. It’s funny, you’ll like it” 

“Sure I will.” Steve said, as he settled down next to her.

She pressed play on the film, threw the remote onto the coffee table and lifted Steve’s arm, sliding into place beneath it, tucking herself in against his side with her legs curled up beneath her. It was something she’d done so many times before but this time, well it felt different. Steve pressed a kiss to her head before turning his attention back to the film, his arm draped over her shoulders, fingers gently tracing shapes on her upper arm.

They sat in the dark living room, watching the film, not another word shared. They both laughed, Steve grimacing at the Chewing Tobacco scene where the kids all vomited off the side of a fairground ride, it reminded him far too vividly of the time he had barfed after riding the Cyclone, and at the end when it showed one of the kids playing for the LA Dodgers Steve was the first one to break the comfortable silence, letting out a little snort.

“I still don’t like the fact they aint in Brooklyn any more”

“Really, you never mentioned it.” Katie said sarcastically, sitting up.

He rolled his eyes before he stretched. “I should be going.”

“Yeah, it is late.” Katie agreed, standing up as he did. “And I got a big date tomorrow.”

“Yeah” he asked, paying along as he walked to the door “Anyone I know?”

“Just some guy from work.” she shrugged. “He’s pretty hot but don’t tell him I said so.”

Steve laughed. “You’re a nightmare, you know that?” he smirked.

“Yeah but, you love it.” Katie shrugged as the elevator arrived.

“Yeah, I do.” Steve smiled softly, dropping a gentle kiss to her lips. “Goodnight, Doll.”

“Night Stevie.”

He squeezed her hand and stepped into the elevator and as soon as the doors had closed, a huge shit eating grin spread across both their faces.  

***** Chapter 5

**Original Posting**

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf

Ok, so I’ve tried and tried several times to get this posted, we’ll see if this is the time it goes through. Half the reason why this review series has slowed down is not just the multitude of real life stuff I have to deal with, but also Tumblr just refusing to work with me and deleting my posts. I also can’t save my work else where due to Tumblr messing up the formatting. It’s been a frustrating mess and so far no one @staff​ has come up with a tech solution or work around. 

Summary: Rapunzel helps to rebuild Old Corona, (after its near destruction from the Black Rocks) which will become the permanent home of Red and Angry, who have returned to Corona to settle down. However, she begins to notice strange footprints around the area, as well as the livestock becoming more unruly and fearful. The group comes across a monster hunter named Creighton, who explains to the group that the area is being stalked by a werewolf, who possessed one of Corona's citizens. Aiming to save this person rather than kill them, Rapunzel sets out to find who it is. 

When Was This Decided?

No seriously, when was this decided? It’s a pretty big leap go from ‘the rocks makes various towns inhabitable’ to ‘let’s rebuild!’ What’s changed here? Cause the rocks haven’t been removed and Rapunzel failed in her mission to nullify their power. In fact the rocks were not only reawaken in the second season finale but shown to be under the power of someone who’s intentions were made unclear to the heroes.

So I ask again; who thought this was safe thing to do now? What provisions have been made to accommodate the rocks? They blocked the well, remember, and destroyed the fields; how are the people getting food and water? 

And most importantly why wasn’t the audience informed beforehand? When you change up the status quo in a story you need to provide just cause to the viewers. I legit thought I had accidently skipped an episode when I first watched because this plot point was not set up properly.  

Why Were They Ever Left Alone to Begin With?

In a story where neglect is a central theme and motivating factor for all the main characters, it is super tone deaf to have those same characters perpetuating neglect themselves. The decision to live on their own should not be left up to Angry and Red because they are children. Children are not mature enough to provide for themselves neither emotionally nor physically and when placed in situations where they have to do so it psychologically damages them. Which the series already showcased with Varian so why is this suddenly deemed ok? 

This Completely Undermines the Past Two Seasons

The entire conflict of the past two seasons was the rocks forcing people out of their homes. Eugene was made an orphan from them, Varian lost his entire support group because them, they drove out the Saporians from their encampment which prompted them to invade Corona, and Rapunzel and company spent an entire year on the road trying to find a way to stop them from spreading supposedly. 

All of that has now been flushed down the drain with this decision. And its super insulting to watch because it’s the writers telling us that we’ve wasted our time caring about this plot for two years. You don’t resolve major conflicts off screen and without explanation; it’s lazy!  

Also Where Is Varian and Quirin During All This?

This is not only their home and legal charge, but it’s also the ending to their ongoing story, and they’re not even here in a silent cameo. 

Wouldn’t Quirin be overseeing the rebuilding of his town? Wouldn’t Varian be using his skills to find workable engineering solutions for them, fulling his season one goal of saving his home and making his village better with his inventions? Also wouldn’t Edmund want to catch up with his brother and help out now that he’s here? 

In fact not a single person who actually lives in Old Corona is to be found in these opening shots. 

Oh, But We Do Get Earl

Earl might be from Old Corona, or he might not be. We’ve literally never seen him before. The artists had to create a brand new character model for this character, the writers had to write new lines for him, and the casting director had to hire an actor and have him record these lines for only less than a minute of screen time, never to be seen again. Even though they legit had shepherd models already to go from season one that they could have used. It’s a waste of resources and a prime example of the mismanagement going on in this show. 

It’s Too Late In the Series to Waste Time On a New One Off Villain

Speaking of a waste, Creighton might have more story reasons to appear in this episode than Earl does but her inclusion is still a poor decision. The show already has an overabundance of villains, so many in fact that they shipped the bulk of them off in season two, and this is the final season; the season where we should be wrapping up plots and minor characters stories not kicking off new ones.

Taken on her own Creighton isn’t a bad character presa, she works for the episode, but when we could have gotten a resolution to Caine’s, Hector’s, or the Disciples’ story arcs instead it highlights how misused the series assets are. 

All This Lore Will Be Forgotten In Just a Few Episodes Time

We finally get like some magical rules and backstory only for future episodes to ignore it from here on afterwards. Red can turn into a werewolf whenever she pleases, night or day, with little explanation as for why.  

Just Arrest Her Rapunzel

You’re the acting queen. You have the power and the right to arrest or even merely detain someone who is threating your citizens and refuses to leave. In fact it’s kind of your job. You don't even have to throw her in a dungeon if you thought that too cruel. Just lock her up in a nice room somewhere in the castle until you’ve sorted out the mess yourself. 

The series wants to treat Rapunzel as the underdog when she isn’t, and her failure to wield her power effectively doesn’t make her look ‘nice’ it just makes her look stupid and grossly incompetent. This is a conflict that didn’t need to have happened and Rapunzel let it happen.  

Oh, So Now Y'all Riot

You didn’t complain when the king orphaned children with his crack down on crime. You rolled over as he dolled out overly harsh punishments to poor people who committed minor offences. You gleefully went along with the royals as they  scapegoated a child for their mistakes, even as they endangered your homes.  And ya’ll sat on your asses while invaders pulled off a coup and enslaved you. 

But this is what you get mad over? A rumor about a mythical creature existing that your princess has zero control over. Seriously? 

Man, I hate the townspeople in this show. 

Pointless Dream Sequence Is Pointless

This scene tells the audience nothing new and just wastes screen time. 

This Is the Wrong Lesson to Focus On Rapunzel

We do not tell the 12 year old to unload their phycological issues onto their baby sister!

You’re telling me parents were involved in writing this show? What the hell!?

Rapunzel you are the adult here. At 20 now you should be more adept to handle listening to the deep seated emotional traumas of a little girl than a fucking 10 year old! And if you’re not, or don’t want to, then it’s your job to find another adult who will. 

That’s the core problem with this entire episode. It treats Red’s and Angry’s problems as some eternal issue that they need to work out and not as the inherent failure of the adults around them that it is. 

It is neither Red’s nor Angry’s decision on weather or not they get live on their own. Nor is it their responsibility to be each other’s therapist. Yes, a change in living arrangements is always stressful and for children with abandonment issues it can be hard to readjust, but that’s when you need to step it up and deal with the problem; not shove it off onto the kids themselves! 

Monty Is Useless

Is this all Monty is good for? Being a red herring in ridiculously simple mysteries? Is this why we wasted a whole episode introducing him back in season one? Really?

Why Are We Still Treating Old Corona As Being Separate from Corona Itself?

Look, I get that it’s a joke, but it’s a joke that highlights how poorly thought out the worldbuilding is in the series. Is the Coronan government in charge of Old Corona or not? If so then you can just make those lease laws yourself as the acting regent Eugene. If not then Frederic shouldn’t have had any say in the matter of relocating Old Corona’s citizens nor putting a child outside of his jurisdiction under arrest.

But more importantly this is a just a repeat of that vague level of responsibility Rapunzel has for people who live off the island. She can’t order a whole village to be rebuilt while simultaneously claiming that she bares no accountability for Varian and Quirin’s problems in season one. 

Replacing Guns with Crossbows Isn’t the Safe Option That the Censors Think It Is

I find it kind of amusing that censors will ban showing a 17th century blunderbuss but allow it to be replaced by a weapon that is still mass produced today and can be bought in any Walmart across the country. Like I’m a major advocate for gun regulation in real life, but even I have to find this to be a bit silly. Crossbows aren’t some fantasy weapon. People still own and use them. But it would be seriously hard to get ahold of a working antique firearm.  

Seriously This Is How the Girls Have Been Living and the Adults Haven’t Done Anything About It Until Now?

I feel like I’m beating a dead horse by now, but it’s so engrained into the episode I have to keep bringing it up. The show itself is visually telling us that Red and Angry can’t keep living this way, but it never wants to call Rapunzel and the other adults out for not rescuing them from this life sooner. 

So All This Tells Me Is That Rapunzel Could Have Easily Checked Up On Varian In Painter’s Block, But Didn’t.

Remember they’re right next to Old Corona; meaning that Janus Point is also right next to Old Corona. Meaning that Rapunzel could easily have checked up on Varian right after Painter’s Block and choose not to. With each passing episode Rapunzel has less and less excuse for her behavior in season one. 

Yeah Remember that Plot Point That Wound Up Being Entirely Irrelevant to the Story?

In jokes don’t cover your ass when you make poor writing choices. Quite the opposite in fact as all you’ve done is remind the audience of all the various dangling plot threads that you will fail to follow up on. The disciples plot goes no where and serves no purpose, and it should not have been introduced as this big important thing if you weren’t going to do anything with it. 

Nice Idea, Poor Execution

I’ve heard fans of this episode tell me that they enjoy it because of this scene with Red. If you’re a naturally introverted person or neurodivergent and have trouble communicating at times then Red’s speech here can strike a cord. Which is cool; I’ll never deny someone’s feelings and if a piece of media speaks to you on a personal level for whatever reason that is great. What I’m here to discuss though is story structure and whether or not the story’s themes are presented well in context of what it’s set up. 

The conflict here does not work from a pure structural standpoint because it’s a surface level deflection of the real issues. Red’s problem isn’t that she is being ignored, it's that she’s been abandoned. Now communication issues can arise from that abandonment and feeling heard can be step forward in working those issues out, but Red’s central trauma isn’t going to be magically fixed by people ‘listening’ to her, i.e. being granted whatever she wants, but by providing her with a real home and with a real guardian to look after her. 

Because what Red wants on a surface level is harmful to her, and the reasons why she wants what she wants needs to be addressed more so than then sedating her angry outbursts in the moment. This is treating the symptoms not the cause.

So What Is or Isn’t Real About the Curse?

Once again, we finally get some actual lore and rules for magic and the writers are already throwing it away during the same episode they are introduced. I now have as little context for how the wolf curse works within the Tangled world as I did before the episode started. 

This Is Sweet, But Once Again Context Brings It Down.

So just to reiterate, this a surface level resolution to the conflict of the episode that doesn’t actually address anything. It might feel like an appropriate ending but only if you ignore the fact that Red and Angry are orphans who’ve been abandoned but the adults. 

Angry apologizing here to Red does not solve any of their problems, especially since Angry, as a child herself, is not responsible for her sister’s behavior, feelings, nor well being. That falls to the adults and they fail to address Red’s core issues and their own failings to her in their apologies as well. Not to mention that the very next scene undermines any optional progress that could have been made here. 

Listening to Someone Does Not Mean Giving Them Whatever They Want

This does not fix anything. Red and Angry are still left to live on their own without any real supervision. Giving them a big play house is not providing for them, it’s spoiling them. Would you let all the other orphans in the local orphanage roam free without an adult to take care of them? No!? Gee I wonder why? Could it be because letting a 12 and 10 year old raise themselves is a very stupid idea? One that will potentially damage them later in life assuming that they don't get themselves killed in the meantime. 

Moreover this is yet another example of the series overall problem with not understanding that compromise and resolving conflicts does not mean rewarding the characters at the end with everything that they want without having them work for it. That’s not how life works and it’s not how good story telling works. 

This Is Beyond Irresponsible

No! Bad Show! Bad! 

You do not get to pretend that negligence is the same thing as compromise. Yes I know Eugene said to come to him when they have a problem, but as demonstrated by this very episode children do not always know when to ask for help nor can they always find it when needed, that is why parents exist!  

Nor does the show get a free pass for turning it’s main characters into child abusers who neglected three minors multiple times now. Even when they themselves are victims of that same abuse!

How utterly blinkered do you have to be to not see the problem here? 

It’s the Return of the Pointless Parallels

Let me count the ways for how stupid this is. 

Red and Angry’s conflict has no impact on the on going narrative. Even with them now being reoccurring characters they still manage to contribute nothing to the future storylines involving Cass. 

Neither Rapunzel nor Cassandra learn anything from Red and Angry’s spat; Rapunzel because she refuses to acknowledge her own flaws and Cassandra’s not even here for any of it. 

The sister’s dynamic between Raps and Cass is not well established and the writers mange to piss all over it by series end because of gay baiting and poor writing. Therefore relying on lazy parallels to other siblings in the show to bolster this connection falls flat.  

Red and Angry’s argument has nothing in common with Rapunzel and Cass’s current fighting. One is about abandonment issues and the other is about shallow validation. Trying to tie these two themes together actually winds up undermining both conflicts. 

Red and Angry are children. Rapunzel and Cassandra are not. That very much matters. 

Red and Angry didn’t drag innocent people into their petty bitch fight and endanger them because they wanted to feel special. 

This Makes Zero Sense

I don’t know; she looked pretty happy during Crossing the Line. 

She was also able to control the rocks just fine then, so what happened? 

Not to mention soon after this Zhan Tiri is telling her she needs some sort of incantation to control the rocks, despite being able to already control the rocks.... 

It’s almost as if the writers are full of shit and don’t actually know what they’re doing. 

So Are We Remembering the Burnt Hand or Not?

Does the hand matter or not? Is it ever a motivating factor in what Cassandra decides to do? Is her waning control over the rocks connected to her burnt hand; even though having a burnt hand is what allowed her grab the moonstone in the first place? Did the moonstone heal the hand? Does Raps singing the healing incantation later on heal it? Does Cass have a forever burnt hand? 

Who the fuck knows! 

Not the writers that’s for sure, cause it never comes up again. 

Don’t introduce plot points and then not resolve them. That’s writing 101 guys. 

Wait if she needs the incantation to control the rocks and the angry thing is a lie, then how the heck is she controlling them just now? Make up your dang mind show! 

I swear I lose brain cells whenever I have to rewatch the evil Cassandra plot. It is so dumb  you guys.... so, so dumb. 

Conclusion

It’s not the worst thing ever but series has far better episodes on offer than this one. Even in a season as suck ass as season three. 

So there’s praying that this review posts this time and if you enjoy my writing and would like to support me in my projects feel free to leave a tip on my Ko-Fi. Thank you. 

https://ko-fi.com/rachelbethhines

[rpd-rookie]

Five Stages of Fatherhood - Leon S. Kennedy x Reader

Summary: Fatherhood can be wonderful but for Leon Kennedy, fatherhood is scary and he is not ready for it at all. How is he going to process your unexpected news?

Author’s note: I wanted to release this one-shot for Father's Day but it was far from being finished. But here it is. I was mainly inspired by the recent posts I saw on Tumblr. I hope I did Leon justice and that you'll love this story as much as I loved writing it. Don’t forget to like/reblog and give me your impression.

Tags: Angst; Fatherhood ; Depression; Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism ;Anxiety; Language 

Also Available on AO3

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

           They say those are the five stages of grief. Five stages you must overcome to be at peace with yourself. Five stages you must experience, however hard and painful they are, to find the strength to pull yourself back together and keep on living.       Leon knew those five stages all too well. He had experienced them more times than he could count through all those years fighting since the Raccoon City incident. They had paved his life, making him wonder why and if he would ever see an end to it all one day.   But what he didn’t know is that he was about to experience them again. But in a new unexpected way he would have never imagined.

1.    Denial

           I’m pregnant. Three simple words that made his simple life suddenly not so simple anymore, repeating and echoing in his head, making him feel like his whole world was suddenly crumbling around him, over him, burying him under rubbles of fear and uncertainty.       I’m pregnant. He didn’t just hear that. This was a dream, a hallucination due to sleep deprivation or a silly joke. It had to be. Because it couldn’t be real. This couldn’t happen to him. There was no way he had gotten you pregnant. Yes, you were fooling him. Right? … Right? He had a brief forced laugh, anxiety eating him up slowly. “Please tell me you’re joking.”             Pinned to his desk chair, he stared at you waiting for a silly answer or an amused grin. He obviously got neither of them and so he immediately froze, watching you frowning at him with a look that was way too grave and serious to his taste. “Do you really think I would joke about something like this?” Why not? Anything would be better than those three words being the truth. “How can that be so absurd to you that I might be pregnant?” Pregnant? He felt suddenly dizzy. No fucking way.

Mouth slightly opened, confused and petrified blue eyes fixed upon you, and a marble immobility. That’s all that remained of Leon as he searched for something to say, something to think, something to reassure himself with, something to tell him that this conversation, this moment, was not happening right now. 

Pregnant? Really? “I didn’t get you pregnant.” You stared at him in shock as he relentlessly shook his head. “I couldn’t. It’s not possible. I…” He cut himself off when he saw you looking away, huge tears suddenly flooding your usually joyful (colour) eyes.  

Clearly, that wasn’t the reaction you expected from him. But that’s all his brain could process at the moment, the only thing it could find to keep him afloat, to prevent him from drowning in panic. “There must be some sort of mistake. I can’t be a father. This is not happening.”         Leon was freaking out. He couldn’t deny it. The pounding of his heart in his chest was enough evidence. But years fighting BOWs had taught him not to show any ounce of panic even in the worst situations. So, mechanically, no emotion filtered through in voice, making it almost cold. Actually, it sounded so heartless it rooted you on the spot, unaware of what was going on right now in your boyfriend’s head and unable to understand that his weird reaction was just his reason trying to calm him down and help find a quick way-out before reaching an inevitable end. That inevitable end being Fatherhood.          

“What are you saying?” You dared ask, your face suddenly pale because of the terrible things he implied.   “I don’t want to be a father, Y/N.” He declared looking at you right in the eye. “I don’t want whatever you think is inside your womb right now.” You slumped in your chair, feeling speechless and shocked but most of all, insulted. Did he just call your child a ‘whatever’ and insinuated it wasn’t even there? Was he really denying everything? Saying you were wrong? “Take another test. I’m sure this must be some sort of mistake.”           You stared at him, bewildered and fighting to prevent your tears from falling as shock was slowly yet surely turning into sorrow and anger.    

2.    Anger

“There’s no mistake, Leon. A gynaecologist confirmed it. I’m three months pregnant! Fuck, do you really think I denied this pregnancy on purpose?” There was a sudden knot in your throat, strangling all your words. Leon shrugged. “Honestly, Y/N, I don’t get how someone cannot realize they’re pregnant.”             “Simple. Imagine your boyfriend almost dying in a bombing attack in DC, then pushing you out when you try to help him. Then one day, after an entire month watching him falling deeper and deeper into depression despite all your efforts to bring him comfort, you realise that he left without telling you where he’s going. After asking a few people, you learn that he’s decided to take some ‘vacation’ but you know all too well that this vacation of his is just him drowning himself in alcohol in some lousy hotel.” You spouted angrily, feeling all your hormones boiling inside of you. “And I guess you can also add his four weeks of radio silence and the worry you felt when you learn that he who you loved so freaking much was almost killed again in another bio-terrorist attack, this time in New York. I guess that’s a pretty good way to make you deny a pregnancy!”   “Oh, so this is my fault?!” He asked, almost shouting, thinking your were accusing him when in fact you were just accusing the horrible stress and the worry you had felt for the last ten weeks or so. “I’m the alcoholic bastard who knocked you up and you’re the poor lost innocent girl? That’s what you’re saying?”     “Do you even realise how hurtful you are? Do you really think that is what I want to hear right now?” You tried to block a sob, in vain and Leon sighed in exasperation as he briefly rolled his eyes. He won’t have your crocodile tears right now. “Don’t force me on a guilt trip, Y/N. Please.” He said, frozen stoicism making his features as strong and cold as marble. “Weren’t you on the pill, by the way?” He frowned, and a tear rolled down your cheek. You wiped it quickly. “You forgot it?”      

You tried to answer but you knew that the second you would talk it would unleash Leon’s anger and you were not ready to bear it. “For fuck’s sake, Y/N.” Leon gritted his teeth and glared while you instinctively braced yourselves, hands holding tightly at the armrest of your chair. “You only had one thing to think about! One!” He growled, a scolding finger pointed at your face. “Take a fucking pill!” “I may have forgotten once” You whispered almost inaudibly. “Oh, you forgot?” He scoffed before slamming his hand against the wooden desk as he brutally stood up making you jump in your chair. “And then she blames me for my depression. Fantastic.” You frowned. That’s not what you had meant. “Leon…”     “You’re as responsible as I am, Y/N. You may have not realised you were pregnant because of what I did but you are the one forgot to take a fucking pill. And, how could you forget? How could you screw my life, both our lives, like that?” Leon screamed as he walked in circles in his office, like a lion in a cage, except that he was lost. He was lost in fear, panic and anger. And he had no control over them. Hard to bear for someone usually so grounded. And that what was pissed him off the most in this situation. Not the news of your pregnancy but lack of control.      

“Do you really think I want to be a father at the moment? Or ever? Do you really think our lives or this world are fit to welcome a kid right now?” His voice trembled, powerful emotions finally getting the better of him. A child of his could not be born in such an unsafe dark world. A child could not be part of his messed up cataclysmic life. Family was not made for him. He couldn’t be the devoted agent he was, save the world from awful monsters and have a normal life waiting for him at home. Leon had come to that conclusion years ago. And he even had accepted it long before meeting you.   “No. But it’s there now. So please, let’s figure out what to do.” You begged, understanding his fear and yet still trying to reason with him.     “What do you want to figure out, Y/N? I told you I didn’t want to be a father. And I thought I made that pretty clear when we had the baby conversation at the beginning of our relationship.”       Crystal clear. No living together, no marriage, no children. So were the terms of your relationship. A sacrifice he had asked you to make if you truly wanted to be with him. And you had made it out of love for him. But there was someone else, someone else you loved as deeply as you loved Leon if not more.

“So what do I do?” You asked, lost, using the pronoun ‘I’ because you truly felt on your own right now. “Fuck, I don’t know, Y/N. I don’t fucking know.”

3.    Bargaining

           But you eventually made a choice, one Leon never saw coming. And all he got was a letter; a simple piece of paper to explain the sacrifice you had decided to make. A letter not even truly addressed to him that made him realise that words could indeed hurt more than actions because, had he had the choice, he would have taken a thousand knives in the heart over those hundreds painful tearstained words.

                       “My dear baby,

           As I write this to you, you’re barely the size of a peach, taking a small place in my womb but already a big one in my heart in a way I never thought humanly possible. If someone had told me that one day I would love someone that intensely, that unconditionally to a point I would sacrifice everything for them, even my own life, I would have laughed to their face. But here you are, not even born and yet making me take a decision I never believed I would take. Giving up on the man I love.                    Yes, it’s going to be just the two of us from now on. Mother and child building a life together. Not the perfect family portrait but it will be ours and it will be full of love and tenderness. And I hope you’ll like it despite its flaws.                   I wish I had given you a dad but fate decided otherwise. He decided otherwise. But please, don’t hate him for that. Your dad is an incredible man. A man I love and will always love. A man that will always be a part of me whatever I do. A man that offered me the chance to be a mother. But he is not ready to make a room for you in his heart the way I did.                  I guess he would have under other circumstances but you don’t need to know them just yet. What you need to know is that your dad is a hero and that heroes sacrifice themselves. Always. Remember him that way. As a selfless man who chose the safety of the world – the world you live in - over his own happiness, because he’s done too much good for you or me to hate him.                        But don’t worry, my baby. While Daddy is making the world a safer place, I am here to make it a loving one.

           I love you,

           Your mum.”

That letter stayed on his coffee table for days, lying there for him to read again and again, next to a bottle of fine old whisky Leon would empty one glass after another, one regret after another, begging God –even though he did not believed in him – to bring you back to him.

There’s nothing worse than regrets, nothing worse than sitting alone with yourself and wait for sorrow to finally drown you, nothing worse than being lost in a maze of ‘what if’ and ‘if only’ and knowing that you cannot change anything.

What if he had made an effort? What if he had reacted otherwise and not like an ass? What if he had told you he loved you? What if he had said it would be okay? What if he had simply accepted this baby? How is life would be right now?

And he imagined it. He imagined himself at home with you in his arms, hand over your belly, feeling his child kicking and rolling under his palm. He imagined your smile, your soft giggles. Your happiness. And it crushed him. It crushed him because he wasn’t able to imagine anything else. He could not imagine the dark world he knew all too well. He could not imagine the fear or the pain he always thought he would feel in this situation.

And with regrets came guilt.

If only he had made and effort. If only he had reacted otherwise and not like an ass. If only he had told you he loved you. If only he had said it would be okay. If only he had accepted your baby. His life would be so much better right now.

4.    Depression

But you were gone and with you all his hopes of future happiness. You had taken everything from him, leaving him alone, in the dark and purposeless, wandering in his fancy apartment with a new bottle of liquor each evening.

Leon knew depression. But this depression, the one he was experiencing right now, was the worst he had ever experienced. Because if you were gone, it was not because of a bullet, it was not because of a bomb or a BOW. It was because of him. It was entirely his fault. And he couldn’t even change it.

You would not see him, not even talk to him, despite all the messages left on your voicemail or the letters in which he apologized and begged you to come back, telling you if was ready to change and that he was ready to welcome this baby if it meant you'd be together again. And it destroyed him.

He became a mess and he eventually did what he did best. He left, finding refuge in an isolated part of America, a lost cottage in the mountains to drink his sorrow away in peace, somewhere where no one would judge him or find him.

He was wrong about the last part. As one day, after weeks and weeks of radio silence and isolation, an old friend came to knock at his door to kick his ass back to where he belonged. Guess there was no escaping Claire Redfield.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? The Leon I know would never sit there powerlessly and accept his fate that easily.” Leon would have sent anyone packing after a sentence like that one. But Claire wasn’t just anyone. He listened to her. “You want Y/N back? Then quit your bullshit, Leon, and go find her.” “She doesn’t want to talk to me, Claire.” She scoffed, taking his glass of whisky away from him and throwing the liquid away. “So what? You’re gonna stay here for the rest of your miserable life, drinking and crying, and concede defeat? That doesn’t sound like you.” He accepted her scolding, admitting she was right but he had lost the strength to fight.       “I know it’s hard, Leon. I do.” Her tone was suddenly so soft and comforting. “I know what it is to lose someone you love as deeply as you love Y/N. But you can still fix it.”   “How? She pushed me out of her life. She even moved out. She doesn’t want me anymore.” Claire sighed. “How naïve you are. She loves you. She wants you back. She really does but she doesn’t want you to accept this baby just because you feel like you don’t have a choice. She wants you to want it, truly want it.”

There was a silence, a moment of introspection in which Leon felt the fear and the anxiety rushing in his veins again, knotting his stomach tightly. “I’m not ready, Claire. I’m scared.” Tears misted up his tired blue eyes. “ I know. And it’s normal. But there’s a girl in a hospital out there who’s about to give birth to your child and she needs you, now more than ever.”

5.    Acceptance

           His head was dizzy, his hands were clammy and his legs were trembling. As Leon was following the nurse in the neonatology wing of the maternity hospital, dressed in a hospital uniform, he wondered if it was the smell of disinfectant or the fright he was feeling growing inside of him that was making him want to puke right now. Perhaps a little bit of both.     “It’s this way.” The nurse opened a door and waved him to join her by a small incubator in the middle of the room, a sweet smile on her face.

But Leon froze, completely petrified. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t think. All he could do was watching at his five pounds of fear sleeping few steps away from him. “Someone’s here to see you, little angel. It’s your daddy.”         Daddy? The word made Leon tremble and small tears appear in his eyes, tears that instantly grew bigger when the small creature finally moved its tiny arms. “Many fathers are afraid when they come here. But I assure you there’s nothing to fear. Your baby is fragile but you won’t hurt her, I promise.” Leon’s blue eyes met briefly the nurse before fixing themselves upon the face of the little thing lying in the incubator. “A daughter?”  He had a daughter? He was the father of a little girl? This tiny angel in a pink beanie right there?   He approached her, instinctively, wanting so badly to see her from up close. She was so beautiful and yet so tiny.

“Would you like to hold her?” Leon nodded, without thinking twice about it and the nurse made him sit down and remove the top of his hospital uniform, informing him that it would be better for his daughter to feel his skin since it was warmer and more reassuring than any fabric.    

That first contact felt weird but Leon was certain of one thing, he had never hold anything so minuscule, light and fragile in his entire life. It scared him for a second, afraid she would break, but the instinct to protect her was stronger than anything else. “I’ll leave you two alone. If you need anything I’m not far.” Leon didn’t notice the nurse leave, mesmerized by that piece of him nestled in his arms right against his naked chest, watching her with wonder and awe, barely believing that he had made this … that you both had made this. “You’re so perfect.” He whispered as he dared caress her soft tender rosy cheek. His skin felt so rough against hers that she grimaced slightly. “So pure.”

Her hands were so little, just like her feet. Leon touched her fingers, still impressed by their size and shivered when they suddenly grabbed his index. “Wow, how strong you are, little princess.” He grinned, looking at her weak grip until he felt a pair of eyes staring at him.

They were dark and blue, soft innocent baby eyes scrutinizing him with astonishment, discovering his face and bonding with him in ways Leon had never thought possible. He could see the world in those blue eyes just as much as his daughter was discovering the world through his.   And he could feel love, strong and unconditional, a love he would never be able to feel for anyone else, he was sure of it. A fatherly love. One that would make him move mountains just for the sake of protecting his child. One that would make him give up his life for hers. How beautiful yet how scary.

And he cried tears of joy and guilt, happy to have her in his life and yet sorry that he hadn’t be there for her sorry. He had missed too much. First echography, first move, first kick, first cry. All that because of fear and stubbornness. And he felt awful because of it.          

A hand pressed gently on his shoulder. Leon turned around to see you standing next to him, a tired smile on your face. “Y/N”  You knelt by his side, softly caressing the head of your daughter who had fallen asleep in the strong arms of her father. “I’m sorry... I am so sorry. I should have been there for you.”             “ You’re here now. And that’s all that matters.”

Yes, he was here and he would remain here, by his daughter’s side and by yours, until his last breath. For first steps, first words, first birthday, first drawing, first day at school, first love, first heartbreak. He would forever be here for her and make the world a safer place for her. He had finally found a reason to keep fighting. And it was five pounds of pure love.    

Little (baby’s name) Claire Kennedy.

Making his life brighter despite five stages of fatherhood he would willingly go through again if it meant he could hold her in his arms forever.