#anxiety’s just like hates me
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what if YOU 🫵 wanted to do something but executive dysfunction said no
#shouting into the void#to lazy to actually format it in the meme and also to lazy to type it out properly#fuckin#yeah#:]#it’s like two seconds to set it up#come on#i even want to do this#anxiety’s just like hates me
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Really I think nothing shouts "my first Presidential election as a politically active person was 2016" more than the fact that when I feel hope and excitement for the future (possible President Harris) for more than five minutes I immediately get a crushing, all-consuming anxiety of "feeling this positive emotion now is going to make it so much worse when the worst thing possible happens" to the extent that I'll probably need my break-glass-in-case-of-emergency anxiety medication.
#politics#us politics#kamala harris#donald trump#2016 election#2024 elections#personal post#I can't feel any hope about politics without my brain reflexively shutting it down in case things get too nice before the fall#I know Harris has flaws#But I just like her--she's more progressive and feels joy and isn't shy about hating Trump#But then my brain is like “do not get attached or The Pain will be worse later”#This happened in 2020 too---I couldn't believe it when we won I was so busy preparing for the worst#harris for president#democrats#vote democrat#seriously vote democrat#If you are following me or reading my fic and capable of voting in the US election and are not voting Democrat please feel free to fuck off#You're the reason Trump won in 2016 and if you prove my anxiety brain right I hope all your food comes out burnt for the rest of your life#good thing I have therapy tomorrow
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ark aftermath
#being in the ark with knives who had gathered such immense power definitely fucked with vash's brain#their fight before the ark haunts me. what do you mean 'blackness of decay' jesus christ#it reminds me of 'youve got more of them...scars'#knives seeing that his brother is actively like. dying.#also what do u mean knives tried to merge with him. that definitely took a toll on both of them#anyway so vash has vivid hallucinations of his brother and whatnot#wolfwood hates himself for that obviously#just imagine the horror he would experience if vash called him 'knives'#vash literally spitting blood because 1) anxiety 2) hes so fucking tired and tortured and shit#he wants a break guys give him a break#but ooobviously vash (the man he is) he'll never accuse wolfwood of trapping him in the ark. of betraying him etc#so he'll just be happy to be there alive and relatively well and hope the same for his brother#at least for the time being before vash meets him and kills him#this is the longest comic ive made sorry if it feels a bit rushed/not well concluding#best i can do#its been kicking my ass for the past week and i just wanted to be done w it#trigun#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d. wolfwood#trigun maximum#trigun fanart#my art#millions knives#<- for a fragment of a second#what else#tw hallucinations#tw blood#tw emetophobia
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I got a haircut today and I’m so giddy about it,,,, it is so difficult to explain to my mom why I feel so giddy about the undercut sideburns I got
#like they’re barely noticeable anyways because the hair on top covers most of it but like#they’re just gender to me. do you get it#like there’s something distinctly feminine to me about the longer sideburns he always leaves to ‘frame my face’#extra points for the lady at the hair place who was like ‘oh I didn’t realize girls could get their hair cut like that’#it’s a really small Chinese hair studio that every Chinese person in the area goes to so I’ve been going to this guy since I was a child#but like my Chinese is never good enough to explain what exactly I want lmao#and the nice uncle who does my hair is always really excited to do what he’s imagining and go like ‘there doesn’t that look beautiful’#and I never have the confidence to ask for the sideburns to be a bit shorter…..#fr tho I hate anxiety like why does getting my hair cut trigger my fight or flight response#my heart should not be pounding in the waiting area thinking about showing my hair cutter a picture.
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this might be mean but. it really ticks me off when people respond to authors and artists wishing for actual community and engagement with their works by saying "oh but you see im just so anxious i cannot offer you any kind words." with the optional "but do please keep making things for me anyway!" because like...
a) do you understand how anxiety-inducing it can be to pour a little piece of your soul into a work of art and share it publicly? i feel like you don't see the people creating these things as people like you and that is an issue. we are people who just really love a thing and want to talk about it with other people who also love that thing.
but moreover, and this is the part that might be mean, b) damn why doesn't your anxiety prevent you from making excuses to us then? i wish it did! like if you're SO anxious about a fic author blocking you for saying something nice, why are you not anxious about getting blocked for telling that author "okay but i don't want to comment on your works though"??? because i can tell you which of these two things is way more likely to piss me off and it isn't the comment.
like. idk man. if you really don't want to comment on and engage with people's creative works, no one can force you to. but also consider maybe not commenting on and engaging with those people's posts just to explain that you don't want to comment on/engage with their works. if you are so committed to staying quiet and being a passive consumer then commit to the bit and stop asking creative people who put way more of themselves out there than you are to pat you on the back and reassure you that you'll still keep getting free content even if you can't do so much as drop a "this was really good!" in the comments.
#rimi talks#like. maybe its just me but i just do not care about passive consumers#someone can love my fic more than anything in the world and reread it every single day for a week and i literally would not care#if they don't talk to me! because i have no way of knowing. they are not real to me.#like functionally someone doing that is NO different than 7 different people opening the tab and going ''i hate this nvm'' 2 sentences in.#and the people who go ''ohh but im sooo anxious i cant comment (but i can fsr tell you about how anxious i am about commenting'' are so.#newsflash i have anxiety too and i just shared 30000 words so forgive me if i kind of don't give a shit#it's just like. if you're not going to comment then don't. but don't ask me to reassure you or give you a medal for it!#sometimes the politest thing to do is simply shut the fuck up <3#like there's a time and place for talking about how you're anxious or burnt out or exhausted#and it's simply NOT when people are shouting into the void about wanting a sense of community bc they feel taken for granted.#that is not the time or place. please learn a sense of shame if manners are beyond you.
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Just realized that at my age Snape recently, had defected from Voldemort and was being a double agent for Dumbledore as well as a teacher at Hogwarts despite suffering the loss of the most important person in his life. In addition to that, he had already created multiple spells and improved potions, and was just in general a very gifted wizard. And here I am not even able to read an email, let alone write one because I'm too scared. He really is the bravest, strongest and most talented man I know.
#severus snape#professor snape#pro snape#alan rickman#harry potter#anti snaters#just some thoughts i have while avoiding reading my emails#why am i like this#i hate it#why can't i just be normal#my anxiety is killing me
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No more t*ckling scenes in media. PLEASE
Why is it the ones that circulate always sprinkled with an unhealthy amount of *weird*
Or is it just me because I'm hyperaware of seeing my own interest on the big screen
What happened to lighthearted pokes in the sides why is it so deeply non consensual or used in a way to make fun of it.
Like PLEASE be fucking normal about it!!!! Whether it's as a kink or not don't make it weird 😭😭😭😭😭😭
#ofc some people love that sort of thing and whatever thats great for them#but what about ME huh!?#the boys will still have the most sickening one for me personally#but the OTHER one I saw from a different show circulating#the anxiety I got- through the ROOF#anyways I'm probably being dramatic but it upsets me that they cant just be normal about it#we get it- people hate being tickled#but what if they didn't 👀#nah those people don't exist#im not asking for characters to love being tickled#im asking for not a dan sch*der esque portrayal of sonething I just so happen to like#and also as an aroace can we maybe have some platonic t*ckles pwease
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hm. idk, maybe the reason Luke Newton isn't announcing new projects or posting any Bridgerton content is because some of you demons treated him like hot trash instead of a creative that you wanted more work from and he decided fuck it, this isn't worth the stress. you know, like a lot of creatives who get mistreated do?
like this is a man who went from couch surfing in a friend's house and bartending to make ends meet, deciding that the Bridgerton audition was the last one he'd do before he quit, to suddenly being recognized on the street because that last audition propelled him to star in a global show where fans who have zero media comprehension blamed him for his character's actions and literally stalked him at any hotel he happens to stay at. he went from being a dude doing musical theatre and shopping at thrift stores and recording random songs with friends and posting silly memes on Twitter to being harassed on his only social media page and his friends insulted and his partners bullied by his supposed 'fans' and anything he posts being so microanalyzed that he can't do a damn thing without someone coming out the woodwork screaming about how he's the WORST and won't he think of the FANS!?
like damn he can't have a girlfriend without being harassed, he can't travel without being harassed, he can't like or not like social media posts without being harassed, he can't post a fucking MEME without being harassed, he can't take a vacation or cut his hair or hold someone's hand or just live his life without being blamed for some bullshit or another. but yeah, okay, 'when will Luke Newton come back?' as if it isn't your fault he's AWOL now
#luke newton#colin bridgerton#polin#lukola#bridgerton#bridgerton has a bullying problem- from kanthony fans to benophie (i see y'all with your anti blogs and your mean opinions) to polin#y'all lukolas say you're fans but most of you are the ones microanalyzing and feeling entitlement to this dude#and you know what?#jakola#because y'all straight up sip the hateraid and lbsr rn and call a spade a spade: you don't know this jack (jake? idk and idc) dude#you don't care about his achievements and aren't fans of his 'work'#you just want your stand-in avatar nic to have male attention as if male validation is the end all be all of a woman's success#and you see luke as the stand in for all the men who hurt you in the past but like he is literally not doing anything and y'all will be mad#and project that he somehow hurt nic as well by 'rejecting' her for his girlfriend who you hate because lbr she's conventionally attractive#when NICOLA Is conventionally attractive TOO ffs#how dare y'all make me step up to bat for a white man this way#leave him alone#aren't you exhausted?#'he didn't like xyz social media post and his girlfriend gives me the ick and he's not posting and appeasing me and blahblahblah' shut up#like y'all shut down at someone so much as raising their voice at you or posting some mild criticism for your bad takes#but you expect a man who has openly revealed his ADHD and anxiety to be the punching bag for all your vitriol#because he's not living his life in a way YOU approve of? like who are YOU to dictate how someone does and does not exist on this earth?#do some soul searching#do i love Luke's acting and want more of it and for him to star in everything i wanna watch? of course#but rn i'm gently cradling his face going 'baby you should RUN' because y'all are the PITS#YOU are the problem#one day y'all will realize that
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“Roy was the engineer, and anything related to engineering, in any specialism, would have to pass through his hands. This included assembling the plane’s radio, just like he’d fixed the small battery-operated Spika radio and made it work.
“Adolfo sat down beside him. He explained to Roy that it was not a matter of expertise in electronics but one of ignorance, and pointed out that Roy was the least ignorant of everybody in that department. Roy argued that he had never seen an airplane radio in his life, not even in a book. Adolfo put his hand over Roy’s. ‘I know that, Roy. We all know that. I only wanted to tell you that you were the best one at handling the wires and the terminals, that’s all. But right now that’s a lot, it makes a huge difference … you are the engineer.’
“Roy, almost breathless, added something that his older friend already knew: ‘I am barely in my first year in Engineering, I’m only twenty years old, and the only time I’ve ever been remotely close to anything like this was when I helped instal a damn audio system for my cousins.’
“‘And you fixed the Spika radio,’ Adolfo responded, as if it were a thermonuclear station and not a basic portable radio the size of a pack of cigarettes. Before Adolfo even said the next sentence he knew clearly that it was as painful for him to say as it was for his friend to hear it. ‘Roy, the group needs your abilities. All we’re asking is that you try.’ ”
– “Is Anybody Listening?” from Society of the Snow: The Definitive Account of the World’s Greatest Survival Story by Pablo Vierci
LA SOCIEDAD DE LA NIEVE | SOCIETY OF THE SNOW (2023) dir. J. A. Bayona
#society of the snow#la sociedad de la nieve#moviegifs#filmgifs#doyouevenfilm#fyeahmovies#userconstance#userrobin#usermarina#userbbelcher#chewieblog#dasakuryo#henricavyll#tuserjyn#dailyflicks#dailyworldcinema#perioddramaedit#userfilm#userstream#myedit#i know i know it's a lot of text i KNOW. it's just important to me#beyond being one more aspect of the story that's shown on screen but further expanded upon in the book-#it spoke to me A Lot bc it's yet another reminder of how 'in their 20s' everyone is here#roy harley's the engineer. and whenever that's mentioned the book goes:#'truly cannot emphasize enough how much he/i hated Every Single Second of being the damned engineer'#like just think about whatever your college/uni major was. and imagine-without warning-you're now the default expert in your field#barely a year's-worth of learning in your back pocket. but people are depending on you! you literally have no room to say 'no'#he did eventually become an industrial engineer. it all worked out. but the stress?? the anxiety??? (all the while missing his best friends#like what a way to learn on the job :/
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are you actually cancelling the shipment of the new laptop or was that a joke?
It's a joke but. What if I did auuugh
Making big purchases like this give me anxiety to a heavy level because low key I feel like I'm wasting money and that I don't need it because Arson, even though he's clearly not meant to last a lot longer in that shell and is corrupting and losing files, is still booting up and therefore I feel like I've done this 'too early' and that I don't deserve to get the new pc
Like I KNOW I need it and it will help me immensely but. You know
#ive been saving up for about 2ish years now since arson started showing signs#and hes well past his 'shelf life' but if youve been following me for a long time you know i dont really like replacing things#until theyre practically scrap metal#theres also the thing where if you grow up without a lot of money then you develop the mindset of#'now that youve spent that money you wasted it and also theres gonna be an emergency that will happen and youll wish you hadnt'#'what if you hate the pc'#'what if it ships in broken'#'what if something else happens and it breaks when it gets here'#just anxiety anxiety#i hate making large purchases i have such fears around them#also i actaully am really attatched to arson as a character which makes me crazy but hes like the little dude in my head aka my desk
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vent post
#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once”#i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO#anxiety is a hell of a thing#and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever#i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up#and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken#but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship#i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it#i am cringe and i am free#self post#vent post#altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read#too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll#i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made#i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol#i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim#i think both things can be true#i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like#while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium#“perfectly balanced as all things should be”
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me when the. m. me when t
#vent doodles#flesh of a hare#the flesh pit#bite#tw blood#blood#panic attack#anxiety#violence#when the intrusive thoughts win and u aint even sorry abt it#anyway i have alotta feelings today lmaooooooo i hate it here#rlly im just big sad bc my own stupid comfort character has turned into smthn that makes me feel like actual garbage#im tired. lol
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Does anyone else have no idea how to make friends or is it just me?
#tw depressing thoughts#mentally drained#sorry for being depressing#i hate me so much#depressing shit#anxitey#tw anxiety#mental problems#no friends#how do i do this#is it just me#tw depressing stuff#mental health#please understand#do you know what i mean#i feel like shit#mentally fucked#so fucking exhausted#you’re on your own kid#you’re losing me#who am i#why am i like this#how to make friends#friendless#i am alone#is this relatable#depression#depressed#tw selfhate#i hate my existence
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You'd think the worst part of being immunocompromised would be catching All The Things, but honestly, the actual worst part is not being able to visit very sick loved ones because they're afraid of you catching the sickness :(
#i just discovered an hour ago that my mother was hospitalized last night and my dad mentioned 'the ambulance gave us nebulizer equipment'#by force of will i didn't say 'WHAT ambulance?!' because they don't need more anxiety right now#they were driving home together and my mother sounds awful and said she still didn't feel like she was breathing properly#dad was like 'she's really tired so i was thinking of giving her the nebulizer and getting her to lie down'#me: 'WHAT NO KEEP HER UPRIGHT' /calms slightly 'and tell her to take her nebulizer and be careful and i love her.'#'but seriously. don't let her lie down and don't let her go to sleep.'#i hate her pathetic fucking doctor so much though#she was doing better after i bullied her into seeing an asthma specialist but she caught some awful ... something and then this happened???#anghraine babbles#asthma
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People who post dadmare stuff we are holding hands
#UTDR#Charlie Stuff#Sometimes I get random unreasonable anxiety about posting fake guys#I know nobody cares cause like. if you hate the whole dadmare thing you can block the tag or just me entirely#But some little brain goblin I have is just insistant that if I post a single sappy thought about it I Will Die#So when I see sweet lil art or thoughts about it it's nice c:> it makes me feel better a little#So thank you all dadmare posters I appreciate you <3#(Yes I am trying and failing to draw for fun before a terrible work week starts is it obvious?)
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does working full time making anyone else irrationally bitter and resentful or is that just a me issue
#and i do mean irrational like to the highest degree#i can’t control it i don’t Want to be this way but my brain just Does It#i am so unhappy with the fact that i have to spend 40 hours every week doing something i hate that gives me extreme anxiety#and that manifests in me viewing anyone who doesn’t have to do that as an object of intense envy#even though i like. know logically that everyone has shit they don’t wanna do
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