#anxiety around letting go

[waywardstation]

I still browse the submas tag so regularly but after all these inactive periods I used to take, I’d fallen into this sort of self-conscious slump of being too shy to interact with posts and the fandom for a long time and I know it’s been like that for months. Trying to do better about that now instead of being so nervous about it ^^

[i-may-be-an-emu]

I forgot to post this on tumblr too so here’s a ditch edit I made the other day :D

mild warning for bright colours/light

Audio credit: “Cassiopeia” by bears in trees

Video credit: @shootimpro (Improvised Play #30 - The Unrelenting Aubergine)

(Btw the empty sfth blog is because someone got the url and is saving it for if sfth ever want to join tumblr)

[riding-the-cyclone]

Just turned in my audition for Jane Doe. Trying not to lose my head haha

(I’m going to throw up I’m so nervous)

[lights-at-night]

gender euphoria moment ! rare morgan w

[agnisleftpec]

in light of lie detector tests irl being mostly bullshit, especially so for people with anxiety, combined with fandom shoving all their mental disorders onto their faves cuz projection is fun, i propose a much more chaotic take on zuko joining the gaang wherein toph can NOT get a fuckin read on this guy and kind of wants him to just sit down and breathe for a second thanks, your heartrate is giving her a headache

[mug-and-friends]

Ugh gotta do my presentation on shiny rates in urban venipede while full of cold. Mug didn't even eat the USB stick when I asked nicely! SMH. what's the point of a dog pokemon without them eating ur homework

Useless creature /j

[heros-shade-fanclub]

💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌 <3 pea

hello sweetums. my favorite thing about you is actually just your puppydog sorry. yeah I only followed you for molly. show me her now 🫵🫵🫵

[promithiae]

If one more person/article suggests I meditate or otherwise sit still when I'm anxiety spiraling I'm going to fucking scream. Sitting still makes it so much worse. I'm so happy I got my little walking pad so I can pace without having to worry about tripping over furniture/cats/stray electric cords

[somedaytakethetime]

I beg your pardon..

Excuse me?

[witchofthesouls]

Tarn really needs to find some brain cells. Does no one replace his data pads with info on interfacing ?

Tarn is Tarn. Even as a graduate of Nickel's masterclass on safe sex and Tesarus' online communities, Tarn will be Tarn.

This guy is walking, talking mess of contradictions that he doesn't even understand his own motivations outside of Megatron's vision. He's impulsive, obsessive, and has a tendency to self-sabotage/bury himself deep into the crafted persona so he doesn't have time to self-reflect.

He's so deep in that identity that he would need a GPS, a map, a compass, and someone yelling "MARCO!" in steady intervals to get out of it. Along with a smoke gun and a plane drawing arrows in the sky.

Look, this guy is a closeted romantic who can't even understand his own urges for closeness and acceptance from a hierarchy. Mix in a Camien carrier that's outside the structure (not personnel to hunt) and inside via technicalities (soothes need to comply Decepticon law and creed), and you got a hot mess overcompensating any inadequacies as a donor.

Because Tarn isn't going to think about his past, do any self-reflection, and ignore all of the screaming from the damaged Seekerkin-coding, he literally went to check out pleasure and sex mods because he found out that carriers typically get cuddly after a good frag, and since his the Camien runs away, he immediately went, "I have to correct this."

Not only does he want constant exposure to being a Good Tank, he also wants his cuddles.

[wonderstruck]

i have decided to treat my anxiety as an entity outside of my body rather than a piece of myself and so far the anxiety has taken on the role of like an annoying house cat or something bc everytime i feel an anxiety attack coming on i’ve just been shouting NO! NO! over and over as if i were talking to a pet that wasn’t behaving properly…..anyway so far so good

[in-tua-deep]

Another day another walk - challenged myself today to actually talk to and introduce myself to people and did so well that my walk took like,, an hour and forty five minutes oops but! Proud of myself for trying 💪

Also learned that small children are infinitely better at obeying “you can only pet her on top of her head” than older folk

[remyfire]

One of the more interesting parts about not figuring out you're autistic until you're in your thirties is every so often jolting awake and going, oh god, my enthusiasm has been annoying the hell out of everyone my whole life, huh?

[hollowwhisperings]

Justice For Celebrian!

Celebrian is a Character of Absence in Tolkien's Legendarium: we never truly meet her and yet her absence lingers throughout the text, affecting most every major actor of the Third Age (the eldar most of all).

How-so it this? Through this: the devastating grief, unspoken yet doubtless, of those who knew & loved her.

For Celebrian was this: to Celeborn & Galadriel, their daughter and only child; to Elrond, the Great Love of his life; to Elladan & Elrohir, a mother whom they failed to quickly rescue; to Arwen Undomiel, the mother whom she was never to meet again for choosing the Path of Man.

Celebrian was the Lady of Imladris, the princess in all but name to Lothlorien. She was kin to two Ringbearers and yet neither Ring could save her. We know only that she was gentle and beloved, by some of the most crucial players in the events of the Second & Third Ages of Middle-Earth.

Why Celebrian is Absent

Celebrian's status as one "beloved" by the eldar creates a formidable motive in their hatred of The Shadow. For the means by which Celebrian was "absented" from Middle-Earth was entirely of Its Reckoning: in the 2509th Year of the Third Age, Celebrian was "waylaid by orcs". She was "captured and tormented" until she was, at last, found and rescued by her twin sons.

This Fate is one of Horrific Implication, one that Tolkien's Appendix B avoids elaborating upon (beyond her "receiving a poisoned wound").

Fans have Imagination Enough to consider what Hurts could be beyond even Lord Elrond's means to Heal, beyond any of Galadriel's many powers, beyond the careful comforts found in Imladris & Lothlorien. Whatever befell Celebrian by the creations of Sauron, it left her so wounded that Sailing West (& thus Away from most everyone she had ever known) was her only Hope for recovery.

"Justice" within the Legendarium

The Fate of Celebrian was yet one blow more in a long list of Personal Grievances borne by her Kin against Sauron. The vigilance and ample assistance of Celebrian's Kin during the War of The Ring was undoubtedly inspired, in no small part by her Fate & subsequent Departure.

While Elrond & Galadriel would doubtlessly have aided The Fellowship without this most recent grievance to drive them, the otherwise reclusive eldar of Imladris & Lothlorien would certainly have found Celebrian's Fate "inspiring" enough to take arms once more, "postponing" (or hastening) their Leave of Middle-Earth to seek Justice for their Lost Lady.

"Injustices" in Adapted Works

The Injustices that adapted Tolkien works have done unto Celebrian are many: they have erased her very existence (TROP); they have denied her her Epic & Untold Love Story with her Husband (TROP, again); they have Lessened the person she chose to love by making him a Minor Antagonist (both of PJ's film trilogies); they have stolen the kinship between other characters that they share for her existence (PJ's trilogies imply her existence but fail to utilize its possibilities, many of them comical: Elrond is Galadriel's Son-in-Law; Gimli's Championship of "Grandma Galadriel"; Arwen's Looks being inherited not from Celebrian but from Elrond; etc).

The effects the Live-Action Adaptions have had on the Modern Tolkien Fandom are also Significant: Hugo Weaving's portrayal of Elrond is the most commonly known, despite its OOC-ness; the relationships between Celebrian's Family are unrealised or dismissed; the "Last Homely House", a title probably earned by Elrond & Celebrian both, is considered falsely named; the Many Incentives for Galadriel to Hate Sauron & to have ALWAYS Hated Sauron are... forgotten to enable a "will-they won't-they" romance(???).

To erase Celebrian is to remove from the Second Age one of its silliest love stories: she & Elrond were silently pining for each other for almost 2000 years! This surely amused her mother, who had become afflicted with Sea-Longing some few years prior, & caused Conflict at the Court of King Gil-Galad (for, by wedding Celebrian, Elrond's Claims for High Kingship of the Eldar would become even stronger). The politics are, perhaps, the primary purpose of the would-be couple's long silence: audiences do not know as the potential of their love story has had little attention dedicated to it.

Injustice to Celebrian exists also in the mischaracterization of Elrond: what impression must an audience have, afterall, of the one to love & be beloved by someone so antagonistic to those most in need of "The Last Homely House"? The hostility, the begrudging "hospitality" exhibited by the Elrond of PJ's film trilogies tarnishes not only Elrond but the Legacy of Celebrian as that House's Lost Lady.

(It also creates some varyingly minor/major Plot Holes, such as Elrond's ability to host a Council of the "Free Peoples" in the first place. If his hospitality is so poorly to non-elves, why on Arda would he so frequently be sought for counsel? Furthermore, the Elrond of the Third Age has made himself a Healer: how many elves of this Age would ever need his skill?)

More, varyingly serious charges of "injustice" to Celebrian are sure to follow: my discontent began in the rendering of her husband into a petty antagonist; it has been reignited upon my learning of Amazon's choices in its adapting of the Second Age. Mostly, however, my rallying cry is made in jest: "failures" of adaptions to make Elrond sufficiently pretty for his wife; the lack of "Celebrian/Elrond" content in tumblr feeds; melodrama over how many elven names start with "Celeb".

[vaguehotels]

had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what