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douchebagbrainwaves · 3 years

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WHY I'M SMARTER THAN UNDERGRADUATES

One of the cases he decided was brought by the owner of a food shop. Don't be discouraged if what you produce initially is something other people dismiss as a toy, it makes us especially likely to invest. Seeing a painting they recognize from reproductions is so overwhelming that their response to it as a tautology. There's nothing more valuable than an unmet need that is just becoming fixable. You have to show you're impressed with what you've made. Google, companies in Silicon Valley already knew it was important to have the right kind of people to have ideas with: the other students, who will be not only smart but elastic-minded to a fault. Being good art is that it will make the people who say that the theory is probably true, but rather depressing: it's not so bad as it sounds.

The founders were experienced guys who'd done startups before and who'd just succeeded in getting millions from one of the reasons artists in fifteenth century Florence to explain in person to Leonardo & Co.1 If Microsoft was the Empire, they were the Rebel Alliance. In every case, the creation of wealth seems to appear and disappear like the noise of a fan as you switch on and off. One often hears a policy criticized on the grounds that it would increase the income gap between rich and poor? Perhaps this tends to attract people who are bad at understanding. It would work on a moon base where we had to buy air by the liter. It seemed obvious that beauty, for example, as property in the way we do. It could be the reason they don't have to wait to be an adult.

The answer, I realized, is that my m. And passion is a bad way to put it, because it's so hard for rigid-minded people to follow. That's to be expected. An eloquent speaker or writer can give the impression of vanquishing an opponent merely by using forceful words. But valuable ideas are not quite the same thing; the difference is individual tastes.2 Don't talk about secondary matters at length. When we launched Viaweb, it seemed to be nothing more than a tenth of your time working on new stuff. Now a lot of people in the Valley is watching them. In either case you let yourself be defined by what they tell you to do.3

Of course, space aliens probably wouldn't find human faces engaging. Rebellion is almost as stupid as obedience. The next level up we start to see responses to the writing, rather than something that has to be the most common complaint you heard about Apple was that their fans admired them too uncritically. Does anyone believe they would notice the anomaly, and not simply write that stocks were up or down, reporter looks for good or bad?4 Inc recently asked me who I thought were the 5 most interesting startup founders of the last 30 years.5 Simplicity takes effort—genius, even. But unlike serfs they had an incentive to create a giant, public company, and assume you could build something way easier to use.

Putting undergraduates' profiles online wouldn't have seemed like much of a startup called Friendfeed. That would definitely happen if programmers started to use handhelds as development machines—if handhelds displaced laptops the way laptops displaced desktops. Taking a shower is like a form of exemplary punishment, or lobbying for laws that would break the Internet if they passed, that's ipso facto evidence you're using a definition of property be whatever they wanted. Back in the 90s. Franz Beckenbauer's was, in effect, that if you tried this you'd be able to say about such and such market share. The average person looks at it and thinks: how amazingly skillful.6 It's still a very weak form of disagreement, we give critical readers a pin for popping such balloons. If one blows up in your face, start another. Ten weeks is not much time. Everyone at Rehearsal Day. Merely being aware of them usually prevents them from working. If I could tell startups only ten sentences, this would be one of them.

What counts as property depends on what you mean by worth. It would have been. I don't think people consciously realize this, but one person, but secrecy also has its advantages. Honestly, Sam is, along with Steve Jobs, the founder I refer to most when I'm advising startups. It's also true that there are quite a few marketplaces out there that serve this same market. Obviously the world sucked, so why wouldn't they? There was not much point. There are always great ideas sitting right under our noses. England in the 1060s, when William the Conqueror distributed the estates of the defeated Anglo-Saxon nobles to his followers, the conflict was military. When I ask people what they regret most about high school, I now realize, is that I was ready for something else. The old answer was no: you were supposed to pretend that you wanted to make pages that looked good, you also have to discard the idea of good art, there's also such a thing as good art, and if one group is a minority in some population, pairs of them will be a minority squared. You have to show you're impressed with what you've made.

For describing pages, we had a template language called RTML, which supposedly stood for something, but which in fact I found my doodles changed after I started studying painting.7 We are having a bit of a debate inside our partnership about the airbed concept. It was thus subjective rather than objective. Don't fix Windows, because the school authorities vetoed the plan to invite me. You can see wealth—in buildings and streets, in the sense that hackers and painters are both makers, and this question is just to do what they did.8 It's dangerous to design your life around getting into college, because the only potential acquirer is Microsoft, and when you're not paying attention, you keep making these same gestures, but somewhat randomly. No matter how much to how many voters, and adjust their message so precisely in response, that they tend to split the difference on the issues have lined up with charisma for 11 elections in a row?

So is it meaningless to talk about it publicly till long afterward.9 The way Apple runs the App Store is full of half-baked applications. If I were talking to a roomful of people than you would in conversation.10 The problem is, it's hard to get the gold out of it. Where does wealth come from?11 You can demonstrate your respect for one another in more subtle ways.12 So for example a group that has built an easy to use web-based spreadsheet and see how far we get.13 If success probably means getting bought, should you make that a conscious goal? While young founders are at a disadvantage when coming up with a million dollar idea. I'd like to reply with another question: why do people think it's hard?

Notes

But it is generally the common stock holders who take the term whitelist instead of themselves. There's comparatively little from it. I couldn't convince Fred Wilson to fund them. I've come to you about it.

Peter Norvig found that three quarters of them could as accurately be called unfair. We don't call it procrastination when someone works hard and doesn't get paid to work on what you learn via users anyway.

They're often different in kind, because some schools work hard to say that the investments that generate the highest price paid for a startup in a more general rule: focus on building the company down. Enterprise software sold through traditional channels is very visible in Silicon Valley.

In many ways the New Deal was a kid that you'd want to get jobs. Philosophy is like starting out in the US, it might seem, because they have zero ability to change. If the rich paid high taxes? The two guys were Dan Bricklin and Bob Frankston.

Don't be evil. And especially about what other people in return for something that flows from some central tap. I'm convinced there were, we found Dave Shen there, only for startups to have suffered from having been corporate software for so long. I think investors currently err too far on the dollar.

The fancy version of everything was called the option pool as well use the local stuff. Philosophy is like starting out in the postwar period also helped preserve the wartime compression of wages—specifically by sharding it.

This is everyday life in general. So, can I make it easy. Believe it or not, under current US law, writing and visual design.

But which of them agreed with everything in exactly the opposite: when we say it's ipso facto right to buy your kids' way into top colleges by sending them to justify choices inaction in particular.

An influx of inexpensive but mediocre investors. Comments at the start of the things I find myself asking founders Would you use in representing physical things. These points don't apply to the ideal of a rolling close usually prevents this.

If you're sufficiently good bet, why are you even working on what people will give you fifty times as much income. When a lot of money around is never something people treat casually. No one writing a dictionary from scratch, rather than giving grants.

For similar reasons, avoid the topic. It's not only the leaves who suffer. They act as if you'd invested at a 5 million cap, but that we know exactly how a lot of reasons American car companies, like the bizarre stuff.

Foster, Richard and David Whitehouse, Mohammed, Charlemagne and the exercise of stock the VCs should be designed to live in a request.

Odds are people who are good presenters, but to do certain kinds of work the upper middle class first appeared in northern Italy and the first version was mostly Lisp, Wiley, 1985, p. So during the 2002-03 season was 2. Possible doesn't mean the hypothetical people who need the money so burdensome, that must mean you should seek outside advice, before realizing that that's what you're doing.

Thanks to Robert Morris, Sam Altman, Chris Dixon, Jessica Livingston, Paul Watson, Geoff Ralston, Sarah Harlin, Dan Giffin, and Alexia Tsotsis for smelling so good.

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wnterflower-a · 4 years

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so now that i’ve officially delved into the supernatural au realm here , i decided to write out what my kind of like , lore is when it comes to werewolves and vampires . it’s open to tweaking and working around other peoples’ lore since well . . . i wouldn’t have my pack and ( future because at the moment i have ONE vampire but i’m sure more will come ) coven without inspiration and love from two of my lovely mutuals and i also know everybody has their own ideas when it comes to the supernatural . so yeah , under the cut will be werewolves and then i’ll reblog and post vampires . ** please note that if there is anything you don’t agree with or don’t h/c that’s fine because everybody is different and while this is how i see my lore and i am open to picking and choosing . ** omegaverse traits such as : knotting , slick , m-preg ARE NOT a part of this . heats and ruts aren’t a THING either , just a heightened sex drive .

WARNING : this post is most likely going to be LONG . ** UPDATED - 10/20/2020 , updates will be bolded.

☾ lycanthropy is both a gene and a disease and are viewed as “ pureblood “ and “ half-blood “ .

☾ a pure-blooded werewolf is a wolf whose family has bore the gene dating back to an unspecified date . ☾ a half-blooded werewolf is a wolf who was either bitten or scratched by another half-blooded or pure-blooded wolf while they were in their wolf form . ☾ while both can turn anybody , a pureblood has a higher chance than a half-blood . a pureblood has about a 90/10 chance whereas a half-blood has more of a 60/40 chance . those who DON’T turn useless end up dying due to their bodies rejecting the change . ☾ if purebloods have children with humans , their children will almost ALWAYS carry an active lycan gene . it’s not often that they do not , and those who have an inactive gene it does not mean that they can not pass an active gene onto their children . ☾ if half-bloods have children with humans , their children usually will NOT become a lycan due to it being more of a disease than a gene for them . half-bloods and purebloods are more likely to have a child with the gene. ☾ children who have an inactive lycan gene can have it activated in cases of traumatic and/or life-altering situations , such as witnessing a traumatic event or the death of a parent who acted as lead alpha ( this usually results in the child being taught to become the next lead alpha with an interim one until they are able to take over ) . they can also have it activated by being bitten/scratched just like a human but still retain a pureblood status if born as the child of pureblood parents .

☾ every full moon werewolves will turn , but are also able to turn whenever they want to as well .

☾ shifting has A LOT to do with control . a freshly turned wolf will have a much harder time than someone who has been doing it for years ( unsurprisingly . ) ☾ it also is dependent on your mental wellbeing and health . rage or strong anger is likely to cause an unintentional shift in someone compared to someone who is calm and collected . ☾ wolves in a weakened state also are more likely to turn as it is easier to heal their bodies in their wolf form anyways .

☾ pack dynamics are a thing : alpha , beta , and omega , and packs are very common within their realm. all ranks can be male or female .

☾ alphas : there can be more than one alpha in a pack but there is only one lead alpha . they usually have at least one other alpha in the pack but within family packs there are sometimes up to half a dozen . — leaders and commanders are the two subcategories of an alpha . — an alpha’s wolf tends to be the largest of them all . their eyes are either red ( marking a packless wolf ) or silver ( marking a pack alpha ) when in their wolf form . — are physically stronger and built more muscular than betas .

☾ betas : while it’s ultimately the alpha’s job to protect the pack , betas are somewhat the soldiers of the group and make up the majority of packs . — enforcers and mediators are the two subcategories of a beta . — betas depending on their ranking are usually in between sizes of an alpha and omega . their eyes are blue whether packless or not in their wolf form . — leaner than an alpha . their bodies are built more for speed and agility .

☾ omegas : usually the mother hens of the group , omegas are often mistaken to be the weakest members of the pack and underestimated . — the peacemakers and healers are the two subcategories of an omega . — assumed to be much smaller than alphas or betas , omegas actually are about the same size of a beta . their eyes are either yellow-green ( when packless ) or gold ( when a part of a pack ) in their wolf form . — also on the leaner side . coats tend to be a little more fuller than an alpha or beta’s though which make them look bigger than they are.

☾ their wolf forms are just oversized wolves . they’re taller than the average wolf , usually around three to three and a half feet tall but no more than about six feet long .

☾ things like dyed hair do not affect their fur color. ☾ their eye color changes in wolf form , and a giveaway to someone being a werewolf while in human form is the slight ring of the color of their eyes in wolf form that is around their pupil . ☾ their eyes will flash between colors if feeling threatened or challenged . ☾ males tend to be bigger than females .

☾ as wolves , they have heightened senses , supernatural speed and reflexes , and accelerated healing abilities .

☾ while all of these traits follow over into their human forms , they aren’t as heightened as when in wolf form . ☾ when it comes to healing , minor cuts , scratches , and bruises usually disappear after an hour or two . deeper cuts take two - three days depending , broken bones as long as they aren’t open fractures take one - two weeks depending on severity . ☾ things like tattoos and piercings do not grow in or fade for unknown reasons . ☾ their temperatures run higher than the average human , usually between 100 - 104 F . this makes hospital visits complicated as it’s assumed they are running a low grade fever .

☾ they do not change into half-wolf half-human beings , but their canines and claws can elongate in human form if angered or agitated enough . no fur or ears though .

☾ silver and wolfsbane are not deadly but react more like an allergic reaction .

☾ silver often will leave the skin it touches red and inflamed , if worn for extended periods of time it can cause minor burns . ☾ wolfsbane when ingested will cause a severe allergic reaction . common symptoms can include : chest tightening and difficulty breathing , rash / hives , watery eyes , swollen lips / eyes / tongue / face , vomiting , and in serious cases collapsing .

☾ while they don’t live longer than the average human , they physically age slower than humans .

☾ everybody has their own distinct scent .

☾ visible scent glands may have been in their ancestors but have since darwined themselves out . while a wolf gives of a specific scent in general , the strongest areas you will smell them will be : the neck and wrists . ☾ scenting is common in packs , as it shows a sense of camaraderie and belonging amongst them . scents of non-pack members tend to be off-putting to some. ☾ scenting is often seen as intimate and is usually reserved for mates , family members , and pack members . ☾ if a pack is inducting a new member , scenting is usually forbidden until the lead alpha has openly scented the person . ☾ a person’s scent can give away a member’s emotions , mainly : contentment , fear , anger , distress and sadness . ☾ a person can also manipulate their scent in order to calm another person down .

☾ like their animal counterparts , werewolves mate for life .

☾ wolves are able to find their mates once they turn eighteen. ☾ while you may be able to find your mate before eighteen , you aren’t able to define that feeling until after their birthday . mating with a childhood friend isn’t uncommon if you’ve stayed close until then . ☾ the rejection of a mate is not a deathwish , and while you can move on , the connection will never “ feel right “ and it isn’t uncommon for the rejected mate to never have a long-lasting relationship .

☾ some wolves may come off as what is called “ feral “ amongst groups.

☾ this essentially is summed up as a member who has a closer connection to the wolf side of them . ☾ “ feral “ members are often more territorial , less open to new pack members , and have a bit more trouble controlling their emotions . ☾ they are better in tune with their animalistic instincts , especially their sense of smell and reflexes . ☾ feral members tend to be more comfortable in their wolf forms . ☾ there can be entire packs of feral wolves , usually more traditional packs .

☾ the closer to the full moon the more instincts come out for them . usually it’s the week leading up to the full moon that this happens .

☾ the closer to the full moon , the more they feel the connection to their wolves . ☾ for feral members , this time is normally when they’re in the best mood possible because they aren’t having to tamper down these feelings . ☾ during the week up until the full moon they typically have a heighten sex drive , a pull to spend more time and be closer to their pack , and aggression towards other werewolves who are not a part of their pack . ☾ there is usually an underlying itch to revert to their wolf counterpart during this time as well .

☾ wolves can often be very possessive of whoever they are currently seeing and / or mates and are often very connected to them .

☾ while more mature and older wolves can reel in their need to mark their significant others , the younger ones often mark each other with hickeys and even sometimes bite marks . ☾ pack members who are in a relationship or mated tend to smell more like each other than anybody else . ☾ there are two different types of bite : a mating bite is done with elongated canines and results in a permanent scar . a mating bite’s scar when healed is two crescent shaped marks that are the width of the space between one’s canines . a marking bite is a bite that is done without the canines and just looks like someone bit you . . . which they did . ☾ marking / mating bites are usually done on the shoulder or juncture of neck and shoulder . ☾ those in a relationship or mated tend to be more in tune with the other . they naturally gravitate towards each other in social situations and can tell when if something is wrong , and are better at knowing where their significant other is . ( ie : you can tell which room where the other is without seeing them or previously knowing they were there or can tell they’re home before anybody else hears a knock on the door or the door opening . )

☾ younger wolves are typically called pups amongst their packs and it’s a common term of endearment .

☾ while there can be small packs within a city , usually there are larger packs who look over the others ???? it’s not exactly a monarchy because you can have two - three main pack families but they all run specific areas .

☾ hunters ? is that a thing ? maybe . idk , i haven’t decided . but it sounds fun .

#❝ ooc » lore specifics ❞#❝ ooc » werewolf lore ❞

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thesportssoundoff · 4 years

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Lists ‘N Stuff: The Top 10 UFC WWs from 2010 to 2019

I like lists! It’s my thing these days I guess. I started doing this particular list because my attempt at creating the top 10 boxing welterweights of the 2000s was pretty much DOA given how most of the guys you’d expect (Cotto, Mayweather, Pacquaio, Mosley) all jumped around weight classes so frequently in that era that I’d either be left removing Floyd (who fought thrice at the weight) or Pacquaio (twice) or trying to justify how Carlos Quintana and Louis Collazo were actually really genuinely top 10 welterweights. I figured I could extend that to just 140 and 147 lbs but at that point I gave up. Instead let’s jump sports and go right to MMA which I’ve been chronologically bullshitting about on here since 2012. Just HOW good was the UFC’s welterweight division from 2010 to 2019? Well let’s do the hard work!

Couple of caveats here:

-This is strictly based upon 1) your fights at WW only and 2) your fights ONLY in the UFC. Guys who were fighting outside the organization don’t have those fights count against your record.

-There’s a FIVE fight minimum to be eligible. This is primarily due to not wanting to have to deal with “What about Conor/Nate/Nick?!” questions.

-Unless a fighter actually popped positive on a drug test, I did not try to dock anybody who I suspected of being on PEDs. We know the UFC was the wild wild west for most of this era so rather than be the equivalent of the guy who swears RDA is on steroids because “Well he started winning then he lost!”, I stuck to the facts.

Honorable Mentions:

Colby Covington- As much as we all may dislike Covington for what he does and says, the fact of the matter is that Colby Covington is a genuinely good welterweight. Wins over Robbie Lawler, Demian Maia and Rafael Dos Anjos are his two big punctuation marks but this is also a guy who gave Kamaru Usman hell for an extended period in their title fight and holds a bevy of solid under the radar wins over the likes of Max Griffin and Dong Hyun Kim. I could see somebody putting Covington on their top 10 and I wouldn't begrudge them at all. I just couldn't cross that bridge on my end.

Rafael Dos Anjos- RDA is probably a top 10 all time lightweight and one of the greatest fighters of the 2010s but I still think I prefer RDA's dominance as a lightweight. As a welterweight he got off to a tremendously hot start in the weight class punctuated by a win over Robbie Lawler but from then on? It's been a pretty dry run. Since the Lawler fight, RDA is 1-4 and the pattern is pretty much out there. If you pressure him early and prevent him from getting a good feel for the space and pace of the fight, he's a pretty easy touch. He's gritty and durable but he basically exists now to test if you're ready for the big step up. I'm not a big fan of the gatekeeper label for dudes like RDA so I prefer the term mini boss. He's the guy who checks to see if you're ready for the big boss.

Leon Edwards- Leon Edwards is 10-2 and coming off a career defining win over RDA and yet he's not in the top 10? Against fighters who have better records than him?! To begin with, Edwards has a looot of dead air on his resume. We're talking about guys who weren't even relevant at the time of their fight. A green Vicente Luque and Bryan Barberena were his good wins but not exactly top 10 worthy, especially given the UFC roster bloat. There's also only one guy on the top 10 list who did NOT get at least an interim title shot and that guy beat him up in a backstage fight so it's not like I could squeeze him in. I also have to admit (unfortunately) that Edwards is sort of a dull fighter who tends to get overlooked on lists like this.

Jake Shields- I don't think there's anything wrong with Jake Shields sneaking onto this list. Shields' run as a welterweight in the UFC was a 4-3 jaunt (that felt like the 100 year war) with wins over some damn good fighters but mostly in close contested score card-y fights. On paper though wins over Woodley and Maia SHOULD get you into the top 10 though so again, if he's on yours then fine. No shame in losses to Hector Lombard, GSP and Ellenberger.

Jake Ellenberger- If you remove the last five fights of his career when he was just sort of being trudged out there because “He hit hard so he can always win a fight!”, Jake Ellenberger has a spiffy record of 9-6 with wins over the likes of Jake Shields, Josh Koscheck and a not exactly cooked Diego Sanchez while his losses are to the likes of Rory Mac, Robbie Lawler, Wonderboy and the generally underrated Martin Kampmann. Not a top 10 for the decade even at that point but the rise of the elite four in Colby, Masvidal, Usman and Woodley and him continually getting fights over and over and over haven’t been kind to him. Ellenberger, Kampmann and Carlos Condit are the three guys who will always be sort of forgotten by modern fans who deserve their just due.

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1- Georges St. Pierre Record in the 10s (Jan 1st 2010 to December 31st 2019)- 6-0 Record in title fights- 6-0 Record against other fighters on the list- 2-0

So in hindsight, GSP's resume is not exactly all that hot. Dan Hardy, Jake Shields and Josh Koscheck all pretty much faded out of relevancy shortly after their title fights although GSP probably ended Koscheck's career. GSP's record is a mere 6-0 and he pretty much sat out the Woodley/Lawler/Hendricks era of MMA minus a cameo to claim the UFC's middleweight crown. Ignore that part of his resume and instead remember that GSP tore his ACL on TWO separate occasions and there were genuine questions about his ability to come back and fight. Not only did he come back but he came back with basically the same style that made him a legend slightly tweaked and amplified to overcome his lack of explosiveness. GSP will always be viewed differently because he didn't finish fights but again, he was pretty much cooked physically well into his early 30s due to repeated knee injuries. What's more? GSP should be #1 overall if only because he is one of the few guys in MMA who was able to continually dictate his own terms. He was able to pick who he fought because for years he fought EVERYBODY there was to fight. He was able to choose where he fought because he was the UFC's biggest draw before the rise of Conor McGregor. He beat Hendricks in a close fight, realized his health took priority and retired. He started a media war with the UFC and won that too. Then he returns, coaxes the UFC into giving him a middleweight title fight, wins that and then realizes that he doesn't have to fight anymore against what was at the time a rising crop of genuinely bad ass middleweight contenders like Robert Whittaker, Yoel Romero and the likes of Weidman, Jacare, Gastelum, Rockhold and so on so forth. GSP got in, got titles, got paid and then got out when the situation didn't seem right to him. That's #1 shit.

2- Tyron Woodley Record in the 10s (Jan 1st 2010 to December 31st 2019)- 9-3-1 Record in title fights- 4-1-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 4-2-1

To quote the always esteemed "Tyron Woodley is just going to continue to piss people off." Woodley's UFC reign began with him bombing out Jay Heiron on short notice and then he followed that up by smelting Jay Heiron and then sort of stumbled over his feet to the tune of a 2-2 record. After his loss to Rory MacDonald in June of 2014, Woodley went on one of the welterweight divisions more impressive tears with wins over Dong Hyun Kim, Robbie Lawler, Stephen Thompson and Darren Till to name a few. Woodley's fights were either really great (Thompson I, Till) or really awful (Thompson II, Gastelum) with very little in between space. His 4-1-1 record in title fights and 4-2-1 record against competition on this ledger paint the picture of one of MMA's best neutralizers and one of the greatest resumes of the 2010s. Woodley's 2019 pretty much hit the skids as he lost to Kamaru Usman in a blow out and then pretty much disappeared with hand and shoulder issues. Woodley's probably approaching the back 9 of his career but I would be stunned if he wasn't in the top 3 welterweights all time even when the NEXT decade ended. All hail MMA's greatest nuisance.

3- Robbie Lawler Record in the 10s (Jan 1st 2010 to December 31st 2019)- 9-5 Record in title fights- 3-2 Record against other fighters on the list- 4-2

I remain a sentimentalist I suppose. The latter days of the Lawler era are painful in large part because years of wars and a style that willingly sacrificed rounds 2 to 4 finally caught up with Robbie Lawler. He just sort of fell apart which isn't too surprising since from December 2013 to Jan 2016 he fought NINE times with FIVE of those fights going a full five rounds. From that period of time Lawler has win over Rory MacDonald (twice), Carlos Condit, Jake Ellenberger, Matt Brown, Johny Hendricks with FOUR fight of the nights and FOUR UFC title fights. Robbie Lawler spoiled us to believe welterweight fights were always awesome because every fight he was in WAS awesome. The latter era of Lawler is pretty sad. Woodley beat IMO the last image of a prime Robbie Lawler but after that I think it's fair to say the fire was gone. He probably deserved to lose to Donald Cerrone as well if we're being honest. The one brief flicker of light was against Ben Asken in a fight I thought he won prior to Askren pulling out a sub in a rally come from behind 1st round "win" dare I say. Lawler has had a lot of injuries, a lot of inactivity (he fought the same number of fights in 2014 alone than he has since the start of 2017) and sometimes the magic just runs out.

4- Kamaru Usman Record in the 10s (Jan 1st 2010 to December 31st 2019)- 11-0 Record in title fights- 2-0 Record against other fighters on the list- 2-0

Next to Wonderboy vs Rory MacDonald, Lawler vs Usman was a tremendous struggle for me. Kamaru Usman's steadier and had more of a balance to his career. Even if he had slipped up once or twice prior to this, Usman's overall dominance is stupendous. Wins over RDA and a bunch of good welterweights like Leon Edwards, Sergio Moraes and Colby Covington are good enough to get you on the list but getting into the top 5 requires you to scalp Tyron Woodley in a blowout. Usman's here because for most of the early portions of his UFC career, he was borderline brutal to watch and his competition was pretty blegh/eh/meh. Usman's rise really took off in after the Emil Meek fight and the Woodley/Covington back to back performances vaulted him up the rankings big time. The fun part with Usman is seeing how high he'll go when this list is re-done in 2030 or so. By the time we hit 2022 or so, Usman could have wins over Masvidal, Edwards (again), Covington (again) and potentially a whole new banner crop of welters.

5- Stephen Thompson Record in the 10s (Jan 1st 2010 to December 31st 2019)- 10-4-1 Record in title fights- 0-1-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 3-1-1

If we decided to rank these dudes in order of politeness, Thompson and Maia would be fighting for the #1 spot. Sometimes I wonder if Wonderboy is forgotten when we discuss the best UFC fighters to never win a title. On this list alone, he beat Johny Hendricks, Jorge Masvidal and Rory MacDonald. He gave two tough title fights to Tyron Woodley while holding the title of having arguably the biggest disparity in title fight quality in said title fights. He'll probably never live down getting smelted by a pudgy lightweight in Anthony Pettis and that alone could've been enough to knock him down the charts I suppose. I wonder how the WW division would've changed if Wonderboy arrives in, say, 2010 or so as opposed to 2012. He's just never had the gear to go out and take a tough fight away from the other guy which is why he lost twice to Woodley and suffered that kind of brutal decision loss to Darren Till.

6- Rory MacDonald Record in the 10s (Jan 1st 2010 to December 31st 2019)- 9-4 Record in title fights- 0-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 2-4

Rory entered the UFC in 2010 and was gone before 2016 was over. In six years, he has one of MMA's most impressive resumes with a whose who of fights against the elite of the elites. He fought Robbie Lawler twice, Carlos Condit, Demian Maia, Stephen Thompson, BJ Penn, Jake Ellenberger and Tyron Woodley and that's all without looking it up. He'll always be defined by the war vs Robbie Lawler that basically broke him beyond repair. Rory may not be a top 3 WW but of the ten names on this list, he's arguably among the more culturally significant to the MMA landscape. Rory is without question one of the best welterweights of his era and I also think he's one of the few dudes who did it while almost certainly without steroids. My hat is off to him.

7- Demian Maia Record in the 10s (Jan 1st 2010 to December 31st 2019)- 12-5 Record in title fights- 0-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 2-3

So when I originally did this list, I had Demian Maia MUCH higher up. Like above Rory higher. Maia being ranked above Rory Mac sounds like a bit of a crock given how MacDonald beat Maia BUT I'm also accounting for long term career relevance in a sense. Maia's still having competitive fights at WW (pause on that Burns fight) and beating up on dudes sometimes 15 years younger than him while Rory is 3-2-1 since leaving the UFC and 3-4-1 since 2015 ended. That said when you factor in the Woodley performances for each guy plus Rory's prime being so magnetic (and the win in the H-2-H matchup, I made a switch). When you consider how utterly one dimension Demian Maia is, it's a testament to how insane that dimension is that he's up this high. Maia has wins over list guys Carlos Condit, Jorge Masvidal and relatively dominant performances over dudes you'd recognize like Ben Askren, Lyman Good, Neil Magny, Gunnar Nelson and then undefeated Ryan LaFlare. His losses are to genuinely legitimately awesome fighters like Rory MacDonald, Kamaru Usman and Tyron Woodley.

8- Johny Hendricks Record in the 10s (Jan 1st 2010 to December 31st 2019)- 10-6 Record in title fights- 1-2 Record against other fighters on the list- 2-3

Hendricks is another dude who had an unceremonious ending to his career. From 2011 to 2015, he was genuinely at worst #3 in the welterweight rankings. We're talking a resume loaded with guys like Josh Koscheck, Carlos Condit, Martin Kapmann, John Fitch, Matt Brown, GSP and Robbie Lawler all on the docket. I went back and watched Hendricks vs GSP for this and still come away thinking Johny got jobbed. Hendricks' career will always be filled with question marks and what if's. We'll never know whether he was on steroids and we'll never know what would've happened if Hendricks would've kept himself in shape more consistently to avoid the ballooning up that eventually fucked his body up. We'll never know if he would've beaten GSP in a rematch or how he would've done had the rumored Nick Diaz vs Johny Hendricks fight that was in talks for 2015 (the one which led to Anderson vs Nick Diaz) would've panned out. Hendricks is a what if but the fact he is a what if while also being a top 10 welterweight for a loaded decade of great fighters is a damn testament to how big of a whirlwind he was for the beginning of the decade.

9- Jorge Masvidal Record in the 10s (Jan 1st 2010 to December 31st 2019)- 7-5 Record in title fights- 0-0 Record against other fighters on the list- 0-2

Jorge Masvidal makes it onto the list primarily due to his run on the back half of the 2010s. Regardless of how you feel about Darren Till, Nate Diaz and Ben Askren, those are three of the most impressive wins of 2019. He was in the running for 2019's FOTY (I believe he WAS my pick) and is having a seriously impressive second half of his career. Even his losses are all in pretty damn close fights minus Wonderboy who just casually pieced him up. The reason he's so low is that the two guys on this list that he fought, he lost to. Masvidal historically has been a guy who can feast on the lower portions of (insert division/rankings here) but when it comes to the step up, he never actually takes the next step in fights he can CLEARLY win. If he ever fights Kamaru Usman, he could move up higher on the list and if he wins then we need to talk about Masvidal as having a Bisping-esque career resume.

10- Carlos Condit Record in the 10s (Jan 1st 2010 to December 31st 2019)- 6-8 Record in title fights- 1-2 Record against other fighters on the list- 1-5

If Carlos Condit had simply retired like he planned to after the Maia loss, he would've retired 6-5 with wins over the likes of Rory MacDonald, Nick Diaz and Martin Kampmann from 2010 to 2019. Instead his resume was littered with rough losses in three straight fights against substandard competition. Carlos Condit's run from 2011 to 2013 is stuff of legend but the tide clearly turned after tearing his ACL vs Tyron Woodley. He had one big turning back the clock performance vs Robbie Lawler in a fight I still to this day feel like he won. Condit's body and lack of significant pop in his hands just put the ceiling on his career. Condit's back 9 of the 2010s are ugly but on the front leg, he was the first dude to beat DHK, the first to beat Rory MacDonald, beat Nick Diaz, gave GSP his toughest fight in years and IMO beat Johny Hendricks. Also come on now dudes. If you think Condit wasn't on this list somehow then you don't know me.

#UFC #MMA #Woodley #Condit #Hendricks #Lawler #Shields #MacDonald #Wonderboy #Usman #Masvidal

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level99games · 5 years

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A 2019 Retrospective - Part 4: Back-Catalog

Greetings friends,

For us, 2019 was a peculiar sort of year, and I want to speak about it honestly in retrospect. Last year, we tried a number of different strategies in business and in development of our games, and I’d like to talk about which ones worked and which ones failed, and how we’re proceeding this year with new changes.

In a series of weekly blogs during January, I’ll compare and contrast our strategies in 2019 with our new strategies in 2020. The first blog in that series can be found here.

In 2019: The Weight of the Past

It’s been about 10 years now that Level 99 Games has been in business. Our first product was BattleCON: War and after that followed a handful of others. While we’ve always been excited to make new products, we’ve had a very difficult time giving them up once their golden days are over.

Up until the start of this year, the oldest product that you could get in our store—but which nobody ever did—was BattleCON: Strikers. I’m not sure if it’s because Strikers, the first BattleCON expansion, isn’t well known, or if it isn’t well liked, or if everyone who wants it already has it (we call this “reaching saturation”, in the industry). What I do know is that since 2013, I’ve had well over a thousand copies of it sitting in our warehouse, taking up space that could be used for newer, better products. And I know that I sold fewer than five of them in 2019.

Strikers is a pretty small game, but it adds up. Once you consider the myriad BattleCON expansions, small box games, promotional items, and so on, the amount of dead stock that we’re carrying around is quite massive. Some of these items are expansions for games that aren’t on sale any longer or which have changed editions. Others are small games that have fallen out of favor.

The window for success for a game is generally about 3–4 months. After this time, you’ll know whether a game has settled into a pattern of perennial sales, or whether it has disappeared into obscurity.

Level 99 Games has been very fortunate with our releases. The BattleCON base games, Argent, Millennium Blades, and Pixel Tactics have remained popular for years after their initial releases, and have received multiple printings and editions each. However, we’ve been less fortunate in other areas. There are just as many games like BattleCON: Strikers in our lineup, and accepting that these games are ultimately dead has always been a point of difficulty.

Too much of a mediocre Thing

While the games that didn’t sell well for us haven’t explicitly lost us money, they haven’t proven to be successful opportunities either. Every dollar of advertising spent, every bit of energy spent on development, art, logistics, and the like for these games might have been funneled into more successful projects, or into extending the reach of our already-successful projects.

Profitable or not, the games aren’t profitable now. And a game that isn’t profitable now is unlikely to become profitable later (at least, not in its current edition). But once the money is spent, and the games are in our hands, the situation gets even more difficult—it’s not an easy thing to take a sellable product, something you’ve poured your efforts into, and toss it into the trash as a declared failure.

Discontinuing a product is psychologically the most difficult step of all in its lifecycle, even when it concerns the games we’re fed up with supporting.

Dead but not Gone

Keeping dead games around isn’t just inconvenient. They pose real risks and costs. First off, stock that you keep, even if it’s lost its sale value, retains its purchase value, meaning that it raises your taxes. Depreciating $10,000 of old games could actually save $10,000 in tax payments next year, so it’s nothing to scoff at.

Furthermore, having a lot of listings dilutes the catalog. Our catalog last year contained nearly a hundred different items. Now, it contains about 25. And there’s really no difference, we always only sold the 25 anyway, it’s just that now when people visit our new store, they don’t have to waste time sifting through products they weren’t going to buy anyway.

Support for old games is troublesome. While there are relatively few support requests, we still keep the old parts in stock, and we still have to deal with any issues that crop up. We have to keep the games’ rulebooks available and their landing and information pages active. When we do a restructure of our store or a change with our website, we have to convert a hundred products, rather than a handful. These inactive products make our efforts to adapt to the changing needs of the business more difficult, often with zero return.

Finally, there is the dilution of effort. Dead back-catalog products always pose a risk of distraction for us as well. What if we could go back and sell those last 700 copies of Anansi, or the remaining 500 of original Sellswords. Wouldn’t that be great? Every marketing effort that targets one of these games—as they generally never work—is an opportunity cost that would be better suited to promoting our contemporary titles, which have a much better chance of success.

Rather than kidding ourselves that these games will have some kind of resurgence five years later, we should be going all-in on the latest release, reaching the largest possible audience with our newer games, which are better-produced and better-designed. Putting our best foot forward, so to speak, rather than our old shoes.

In 2020: Time-gated Product lifecycles

In 2020, we’re deciding up-front what the metrics are for continuing or discontinuing a game’s run, and we want to approach these deadlines dispassionately. When we plan a project, we plan its launch, and we plan an evaluation after launch. If the launch meets our expectations within 3–4 months, then we push the game further and extend its life. If it doesn’t, then we cut advertising, liquidate or destroy the stock, and call it done. Write the postmortem and get the lessons that you paid for, because there’s nothing else to achieve from this one.

By setting a metric, we can decide which lines to continue with all our energy, and set aside activities that would be a waste of time, providing better support for the best games.

In addition to that, we’re printing fewer copies of games—only what we hope to sell during this 3—4 month period. After all, you can always print more, but you can never print less. This will help us to avoid the issue of messy liquidations and discontinuations in the future.

But Level 99 Games is known for supporting and continuing its products, so what about that? Ultimately, these decisions will be made on a product-by-product and line-by-line basis. If BattleCON: Wanderers is selling great, we might choose to let it carry less high-performing products in the line a bit longer. Exceed products have a life of 2 years, so once they’re out of rotation, they’re also out of contract, and have to be removed. However, the new seasons of Exceed often cross-sell the old seasons, so it makes sense to keep these around for support over the full 2 years, rather than destroying them after 4 months.

So, with that in mind… make sure to grab a copy of our latest games soon—you might not have the opportunity later down the line!

About the Author

D. Brad Talton Jr. is the President of Level 99 Games, as well as the designer of BattleCON, Millennium Blades, Pixel Tactics, Exceed, and many more games. He lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico, with his wife Lynda and daughter Kathryn.

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abkdkzine · 5 years

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Important Message About Recent Concerns

Hey there! Thank you so much for tuning in. This is Mod Ari. I want to apologise in advance because I wrote most of this around 3 AM and didn’t finish most of it until around 9 AM on Wednesday, so I’m afraid I may not be as articulate as I probably would have been hours beforehand. Since then, I’ve been trying to sort out all of the information I’ve gathered from people as well discuss everything with my mod team. I also apologise because this message is going to be very long. But, I come to everyone to address a concern that has been present since the very beginning of this project, and that is the presence of our finance mod Fiama/Fif.

Now, before I delve deeper into this topic, I want everyone to know that the issue I spoke of in a Twitter post I made a while ago isn’t exactly a true issue because it is more of a heavy concern found among a few people. I hope to defuse that by the end of this long message. The real issue is that I have failed to communicate to everyone about my decision to let her stay and that I have let these concerns grow until people have become uneasy with our zine’s management. In this message, I will discuss about the steps my team and I has taken in order to (hopefully) clear everyone’s doubts. Please bear with me and know that I speak with certainty, utmost honesty, and with respect to many people’s feelings about the matter.

First of all, I want everyone to know that this zine is the first one I have ever started on my own. I dove into this project while only being in the BNHA fandom for around 7 or so months, absolutely enamoured with the KatsuDeku relationship, and with no online zine modding experience other than being an artist in a few. The only experience I have comes from real life volunteer work as well as from my part-time job, so I opened moderator applications in hopes of getting some help and advice while being open to letting a few newcomers learn with me. But please do not think I was not capable of organising small projects and reviewing finances before this project because I was and I am. I learnt a little bit of financing from my own mother who is excellent at budgeting (as she has been through many hardships as a result of living in poverty), from my schools and classes throughout high school and current college career, and retail job (which is also where I learnt how to ship lots of packages and keep up with orders). It just never hurt to have another person, or a few others, who have previous experience help me along the way because zines are run very differently and I didn’t know how financing in zines usually worked. So, I joined other projects as moderators to see if theirs were done similarly and I wasn’t disappointed.

If I recall correctly among all of the mod applications, only two people had experience with handling finances, so I chose the one whom I thought was the better choice, which was Fif. Now, please remember that I was very new to the fandom especially in this ship (wherein back then, I only knew a group of people who I was comfortable talking to, and now I know whole communities!); and so at the time, I had no idea about who Fif is and the history she has with the zines listed in her application. This is relevant because when I revealed that she was a part of our team, two people immediately came to me and warned me about the zines she used to be a part of, what her behaviour is said to be like, and what is said she has been known to do.

I humbly ask everyone to understand that I was blissfully ignorant to the happenings within the zine scene because I was brand new to it all, but please know that I still heeded their warnings with high regards and proceeded to tell my editor/beta mod, Maj, about it (who was the first person I appointed as a co-mod and is a dear friend whom I know I can trust with everything). Both of us became cautious, but because I wasn’t sure what to believe (and I partly wanted to see for myself if the behaviour they warned me about is true), I allowed Fif to continue being in my team—but not without strongly reaffirming my position as the head of this zine. I asked for everyone’s cooperation with as much honesty as they can give me, and I told them they will receive everything I have to offer and more in return.

I believe it was at that point that everyone developed a sense of respect for one another because while we work in different areas, we all have the ability to interfere with each other’s works without needing immediate help from other people. We all had initiative and enough individual skill to make up for someone else’s errors. From then on, we communicated very often, and everyone follows the tasks I give them. We’re an efficient team with good communication, but the only unfortunate situation that had us scrambling about is that our schedules started to get out of sync due to us all being college students, which has caused us to delay completing the feedback emails (of which I personally apologise for because I am in charge of writing them).

The reason why I let Fif stay is because she has done nothing suspicious or has said (or done) anything to affect this fanzine in any way to make me believe that she is everything that people have been warning me about. I say this with complete honesty: I have seen nothing but genuine intentions on her part, and while I find it true that she is sometimes inactive, I never expected her to do any of the work I had already assigned to the rest of my team and she has always communicated to us all about the reasons why she has to be away for certain periods of time. She’s done as I have told her, answered anything I asked of her, gave her opinion when I needed it, completed the financial sheet decently, has explained to me her thought processes, let me review and check the numbers on my own, and that is all I needed from her. The rest is under my and the other mods’ control. Madin, Maj, and Grim can all attest to this, and if need be, we will provide evidence to anyone who does not believe it to be true. But after a long discussion with all three of them, we have come to a conclusion with an extremely difficult decision.

Fiama will no longer be a part of our moderator team. We have asked her to leave our project, not without remorse, and she has been removed from the server and all of our accounts.

I’ve thought about the necessary precautions in case we decided to keep her, with all the initial warnings in mind, but recently an acquaintance of mine who I also co-mod with in another zine has come to me about his experiences and is extremely worried that this zine will also be affected by so many possibilities. He has given me enough information about the zines Fif used to be a part of and how they were all handled, so I respect his opinion very highly because he was in the direct line of fire when Hallowzine happened.

A few of our contributors has also expressed their worries to me, and now that a potential customer has also done the same, I wanted to assure everyone that we have already discussed our decision with Fif herself. The information I gathered from my own research and from talking to a few sources held enough weight for all of us to become reasonably wary. So, I have communicated my own suspicions to Fif herself, and she undoubtedly understands, and I hope that everyone currently reading this message does as well, that I do not tolerate malicious intentions of any kind and that I am a woman of my words—that while I may be an amicable person, I am not weak and I will always persist in my decisions.

That being said, I want to give everyone some insights, and although small as it is, I hope it brings anyone who reads this message a sense of comfort that we are running our zine as smoothly it can.

For starters, I had established in the beginning that I will be the one handling money in this project. The payment systems I have created are both connected to my personal bank accounts, but I am allowing my entire team access to it so that they, as well as everyone else involved in the zine, can have the reassurance that I do not hold any malicious intent with the money sent to those accounts. However, if anything suspicious happens to the money at anytime during the pre-orders period, rest assured that anyone in the team or I will be closing the accounts immediately and freeze this project momentarily until we find a solution to whatever issue that may arise. I highly doubt that any of my moderators have the desire to steal money for personal and evil purposes, but I want everyone to know that I can be trusted too.

Secondly, I have contacted an acquaintance and a colleague from my part-time job, both of whom are accounting majors, to help me look over the financial sheet. My acquaintance and I have reviewed it together a few days ago, and we did not find anything suspicious or wrong with it; and before that, I had reviewed it several times myself to see the progress made on the sheet. My friend has done so as well yesterday and shares the same thoughts. So, I believe it is safe to say that the budgeting is done correctly, but because we have officially removed Fif from the project, we will have to make slight adjustments to the sheet. It is still under discussion, but one of the options I presented to my mods is that we can invite my acquaintance and help us out for a bit, at least to re-organise the sheet. It’s only an option however because we have yet to see if she’s needed or not. As previously mentioned, the team and I are all capable of handling the job ourselves, but we’ll definitely give out more information about what we’ll decide on doing.

Lastly, in an ask I had answered previously, an anon wanted to know if there were any funds saved for emergencies or for the contributors, and I want to relay what I said in here too: I have $800 saved up for this project, or more specifically for the contributors, but I can and will use it to cover anything lost should there be any unfortunate events in the future. This $800 is my investment and testament as to how seriously I treat this project, and I know that the rest of my mods (as well as close friends) will do their best to pitch in with anything they can offer.

In the end, we have done all we could to ensure the safety of this project, our contributors, and our potential customers. I support the absolute validity of all their concerns just as I fully respect everyone’s opinions. The rest of the team has their own reservations about Fif’s zine history, but we were absolutely prepared and had precautions set just in case we decided to let her stay. Either way, even without her aid, Wanderlust will continue to run strong because I believe that the team I chose is capable on their own feet and are versatile enough that I believe they can handle everything even without my presence in this project.

It shakes my morality to the core knowing that Fif did not do anything wrong during the course of this project, that it is not entirely fair of me or the rest of the mods to do so; but we will always hold the safety of our contributors and future customers with the highest priority.

To end this long and arduous note, I can only humbly ask everyone to place their trust in us—in Madin, in Maj, in Grim, in ME. Because while I know we have our own faults to improve on, being in this team has already helped teach us things we need to know in any future projects. We will continue to be as transparent and honest as we have been since the very beginning. We’re just so, so sorry that this has and is causing so many people to doubt us, but I cannot blame anyone for it. I can only place that blame onto myself for not knowing her background when I should have been more responsible and researched it. For that, I want to apologise for ever causing such a feeling to surface. To the people who has seen and felt the consequences of the fallout regarding Hallowzine or any other zines that ended in a similar light, I want to apologise as well because I’m sure that those situations must have been incredibly difficult to deal with, and it must have been uncomfortable knowing that the possibility of history repeating itself again was plausible.

I hope that you all may have the heart to forgive my oversights and that you do not place any blame onto my team. Know that I will take full responsibility and accountability in the event that our project fails for any reason—however, I am absolutely certain that it will never happen because I trust my three co-mods with all my heart. It’s only up to you now to decide whether we are still worthy of your trust, and whether I am worthy of that trust.

I’ll end my statement with this: Wanderlust will remain strong so as long as I or the rest of my team are here to run it.

If there is anything else we can do to reassure you, please let us know and we’ll try our best to address this.

In behalf of my moderator team and with great sincerity,

Mod Ari

#update #important message #mod ari speaks

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vhaven93-blog · 5 years

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Surfing the Waves: Science and Conscious Sleep

(K-complexes, Sleep-spindles, and PGO-waves during Conscious Sleep)

By Daniel Allen Kelley

Conscious Sleep is arguably the most fascinating skill you can learn. It's almost ironic, really, because sleep is largely a process of memory and skill consolidation. Why is that ironic? Well, first of all, sleep is thought to be an eight-hour period of inactivity but is actually anything but. By the time you've entered the second phase of sleep (90 minutes in), your brain and nervous system have been very busy. While you were busy snoring, your brain was constructing neural connections to house new skills and information. Those piano lessons you had yesterday afternoon? Check! Those elective courses you took yesterday evening at school? Yup, your brain made room for those too.

And that's happening whether you're sleep is conscious or not!

The most ironic part of conscious sleep is that you're learning a skill which employs the very same mechanism that learns new skills. Dreams, being largely the consolidation of new skills, are now the skill you're attempting to consolidate! It's the neurological equivalent of what happens when two mirrors are facing eachother: It generates an endless hall of unending reflections that you experience as Lucid Dreaming, Astral Projection, Remote Viewing, and much more.

Isn't that far out?

Your dreams are at least 70% composed of people, places, things, emotions, and sensations you've experienced at some point in your life. The remaining 30% is, well, something extra. That “something extra" isn't personal or biographical. We experience these extras when we have Out of Body Experiences (OOBE), Astral Dreams, Precognitive Dreams, and so forth. We'll talk more about that later. For now, just note that Conscious Sleep, even though much of it is a theatrical reenactment of your diary, is unique in that it's a new skill that uses old skills to refine itself.

Reflections within reflections within reflections…

For example, imagine for a moment that you're having an OOBE. You wait until you reach the second phase of sleep and induce the OOBE by conjuring up the feeling of riding a rollercoaster. Suddenly, you feel yourself rocking back and forth. Heavy vibrations flood your body and a buzzing sound fills your ears. Before you know it you're up and out! You look around your room and everything is as it should be, save for the occasional appearance of a dream scenario. There's just one problem:

You can't seem to fly away from your physical body!

The reason you're anchored to your mortal coil may be any number of things. In this case, your subconscious mind presents you with a dream image of a vast body of water. You approach it and begin swimming. Suddenly, you find you're able to fly! The water vanishes and you're soaring high above the roof of your house.

What's happened is that, because you've never actually flown before, the closest activity your mind could conjure that resembles flying was swimming. So you used your former experience with rollercoasters to get up and out, as it were. You then used your former experiences of swimming to fly away. Or, to put it more technically, you used the process of consolidating skills (dreams) to tap into learned skills to support the learning of a new skill; in this case it was OOBE.

Reflections within reflections within reflections…

But what's going on inside your brain when all this is taking place? In my book, Behind The Veil: The Complete Guide to Conscious Sleep, I discussed the Five Basic Brainwaves and their corresponding subjective experiences. Here, I'd like to focus on three specific brainwave phenomena called K-complexes, Sleep-spindles, and PGO-waves. Since I'm not a sleep specialist, l won’t be tangling you up in convoluted dissertations on synapses and neural firings along calcium channels in the brain (ahem, and so forth). Instead, I'll limit my focus (as always) to the experiential aspects of these things. After all, that's where all the fun is!

What Are K-complexes?

According to the book, Neurology Secrets (Fifth Edition), A K-complex is a high-voltage diphasic slow wave that may be preceded or followed by a spindle burst, maximally expressed in the frontocentral regions of the brain bilaterally.

In layman's terms, what this means is that a K-complex is like the trough of a wave and a Sleep-spindle is like the crest. We'll discuss Sleep-spindles in a moment. For now, let's take a closer look at K-complexes and how they might be experienced by a Conscious Sleeper.

When brainwaves are recorded on an Electroencephalograph (EEG), K-complexes appear primarily during the second stage of NREM sleep and are more prevalent during the first two sleep cycles in a night’s rest. At this time, the brain is still responsive to external stimuli and K-complexes tend to multiply in the presence of external sounds, touch, and changes in light patterns. Should you awaken someone at this phase of the sleep cycle, the subject may insist that he or she wasn't asleep. Some scientists speculate that K-complexes evolved to be responsive to external stimuli in order to serve as warnings of approaching predators while sleeping.

Another theory holds that K-complexes perform a sedating function, effectively turning off the analytical mind so that the brain can begin its process of consolidating memory. My own experience bears this out and, in just a moment, I'll offer my own take on this theory.

At any rate, once the sedative power of K-complexes takes hold, the process of memory consolidation begins. This neurological construction project begins with the appearance of Sleep-spindles.

What Are Sleep-spindles?

Here's what Tuck Sleep has to say about Sleep-spindles:

“Researchers believe Sleep-spindles represent periods of time where the brain inhibits mental processing in order to keep the person in a tranquil state. By keeping the person in a tranquil state, the sleep cycle can continue and the person can transition to the next stage of deep sleep.”

That sounds an awful lot like the function of K-complexes, yes?

As I said before, I'm not a sleep specialist. Having said that, I strongly believe K-complexes and Sleep-spindles are two parts of the same movement. They are the Yin and Yang, the valley and the peak, the trough and the crest of the same brainwave phenomenon. In my own experience of over twenty years as a Conscious Sleeper, I've noticed a pattern during stages one and two of my own sleep cycle. This pattern convinces me that my theory is correct, but its credibility ultimately relies on future scientific research. I'll discuss the experiences that led to my theory in just a moment. In the meantime, let's hear more of what recent science says about Sleep-spindles:

“Fast spindles (13–15 Hz) occur in the centroparietal part of the brain, while the frontal brain produces slow spindles (11–13 Hz). Increased spindle activity occurs at the onset and outset of light sleep.” (TuckSleep.com)

For those of you who have no idea what these egghead scientists are talking about, here's a short list of the basic functions of the Frontal and Parietal areas of the brain:

Frontal lobe

•Personality, behavior, emotions

•Judgment, planning, problem solving

•Speech: speaking and writing (Broca’s area)

•Body movement (motor strip)

•Intelligence, concentration, self awareness

Parietal lobe

•Interprets language, words

•Sense of touch, pain, temperature (sensory strip)

•Interprets signals from vision, hearing, •motor, sensory and memory

•Spatial and visual perception

With me so far? Yes? Good! Let's hear more from the eggheads:

“Sleep spindles begin to develop once an infant has reached six weeks of age, and may explain why babies twitch in their sleep. EEG typically will display sleep spindles immediately after muscle twitching.” (TuckSleep.com)

Since the Sleep-spindles located in the Frontal brain tend to be slower, could it be that their function is to sedate the analytical part of the brain? In other words, the part of the mind that is capable of Lucidity. And could it be possible that the Sleep-spindles found in the Parietal area of the brain are faster because their function is to discharge residual kinetic energy to prepare for Sleep Paralysis?

I believe this may account for why the first and second stages of sleep are the most potent times for OOBE. Energy that would otherwise be spent in Gross Body activities can now be employed in dream activities, and even OOBE (if you know how).

Whereas K-complexes “stun" the sleeper, slow-wave Sleep-spindles “sedate" the sleeper. This paves the way for fast-wave Sleep-spindles to release excess kinetic energy and do a quick run-through of recent data to consolidate. In my opinion, this accounts for microbursts of dreaming experienced during light sleep (e.g., hypnagogia/hypapompia, hypnic jerks and twitches).

As an aside, I refer to the subjective experience of K-complexes and Sleep-spindles poetically as The Sleep Serpent. Like a snake with potent venom, these sedating brainwaves render dream Lucidity impotent. This is not to imply that these brainwaves are toxic, only you have to learn how to surf them. Just as you can gradually become immune to snake venom by ingesting small amounts of it, so too can you become immune to the sedative power of K-complexes and slow-wave Sleep-spindles. The secret is, in my experience, a mystery pertaining to the adrenals, hormones, and retraining of attention. But that's another story.

Before I share the experiences and experiments which led to these theories of mine, there's one more brainwave we need to discuss.

What Are PGO-waves?

It's difficult to find a straightforward definition of PGO-waves. At least not one that doesn't leave you cross-eyed. Generally speaking, PGO-waves occur at the tail-end of NREM sleep and at the start of REM. K-complexes and Sleep-spindles have accomplished their stun-and-sedate mission, and your physical body is now completely paralyzed. This is a necessary step for both Conscious and Unconscious sleep. With your physical body out of the way, its projected double can come out and play. This neurological doppelganger is called the Subtle Body.

At this phase of the sleep cycle, a group of cells, called Cholinergic cells, begin firing upwards to the higher regions of the brain and down the spinal cord. The net effect of this neurological tango is twofold. On the one hand, the emotional and sensory areas of the brain become activated. On the other hand, the nerve-plexes responsible for physical movement are stimulated. Despite this kinetic stimulation, however, the body is now in sleep paralysis. Besides a few myoclonic twitches and hypnic jerks, the Gross Body is dead to the world. Instead, the motor impulses are now passed on to the Subtle Body and you can now run, fly, have sex, and breathe under water. Why? Because you've now passed the Veil of Tears and have entered through the Veil of Dreams.

PGO-waves also appear to play a role in image-stabilization. Not just in dreams but in creative visualization, fantasy, and hallucinations. PGO-waves strobe rapidly, kicking up a dust cloud of paradoxical images and emotions. This is fertile soil for creative inspiration, spiritual epiphany, and psychological insight. Evidence suggests that many poets, painters, musicians, and even schizophrenics spin their webs using PGO-waves for yarn.

My Little Experiments

The moment I learned about K-complexes, Sleep-spindles, and PGO-waves I immediately intuited what they were. I plan on one day recording and submitting my findings using my very own EEG machine.

Just as soon as I can afford one…🤔

In the meantime, I've carefully monitored my sleep cycle over the years and have achieved a good working knowledge of its architecture. I can tell, for example, when I'm entering the first and second phases of sleep. Depending upon factors such as how hard my workday was, how stressed I am, or how much caffeine or alcohol I've consumed, I can even consciously access the third stage of sleep fairly regularly. But before I could consciously access stage three sleep successfully, I spent about five years tapping into it by accident during the hypnopompic phase of sleep (beginning stage of waking).

I'll never forget the first time I experienced PGO-waves consciously. It was about 3:00 or maybe 4:00 am. I became Lucid in the middle of a dream and noticed, to the left of me, a field of sunflowers. The dream starting shaking and I stabilized it by employing what I call The Hitchhiker Method. This works by fastening your attention onto a dream-object, sensation, sound, or smell and holding onto it for dear life. This surfs the already present PGO-waves and assists them in their purpose of stabilizing dream images.

The next thing I knew I was taken up into a blizzard of fantastical images. These occiliated at a frequency that resembled the rapid flicker-rate of a strobelight. Lucid Dreams blended with OOBE and I was able to control every nuance of the narrative (Dream Control).

I've had similar experiences during the hypnagogic phase of sleep, but that pesky Sleep Serpent often bested me in battle.

K-complexes and Sleep-spindles are, in my opinion, responsible for the mind’s tendency to believe the absurdities of many dream scenarios. PGO-waves have also been shown to be responsible for this mental confusion. However, due to the fact that REM sleep resembles wakeful consciousness, it's easier to become Lucid while dreaming than Pellucid during NREM. In fact, scientists refer to REM sleep as “paradoxical sleep” for this reason.

NOTE: (Pellucidity is, generally speaking, meditation carried into the sleep cycle. It's easier to access Pellucidity in NREM than in REM sleep.)

As the years rolled on, I gradually learned to detect the signs of approaching K-complexes, Sleep-spindles, and PGO-waves. For example, have you ever seen flashes of light behind your eyes as you're falling asleep?

Those are PGO-waves…

Have you ever felt like you were falling, only to snap out of it with a sudden jolt?

Those are fast-wave Sleep-spindles…

Or perhaps you've felt yourself “drifting off" into reverie. You're still vaguely aware of your surroundings but you're feeling disembodied.

Those are K-complexes...

Have you ever been to a hypnotherapist? You know that part where the doctor says, “Your eyelids are getting heavier…”

Those are slow-wave Sleep-spindles…

The cool part about learning how to consciously surf these bioelectric brainwaves is that it amounts to a sort of Tao of Conscious Sleep. It's sleep Yoga at its most scientific. It's Qigong at its most scientific. If we can honor the insights and practices of the ancient Wisdom traditions and wed them to modern scientific research we’ll be left with an Integral approach that honors the discoveries of the past, the technologies of the present, and the breakthroughs of the future.

In such a world, what more proof would you need of the magical and miraculous?

http://behindtheveil.simdif.com

About the Author

(Daniel Kelley is an author, poet, musician, and Integral Life Practitioner with over two decades of experience in the Esoteric arts. He is the creator of Subliminal Cognition Training, Animitariomancy, and is the author of four books. His work has been featured in several magazines and journals including Chronogram, Psychedelic Press, Global View, and LDE Magazine. Daniel was born in 1979 to Baptist parents in Waterloo Canada but raised in Chicopee and Springfield Massachusetts. His father was a Baptist preacher. After a profound and prolonged transpersonal crisis in early childhood, Daniel broke away from his strict Christian upbringing to study the wisdom traditions of the world. At age sixteen he suffered a breakdown that culminated at age twenty-one, at which time he experienced a transpersonal breakthrough. After joining various Hermetic societies and practicing their methods, Daniel eventually found his spiritual home in Chinese Taoist Alchemy, Integral Life Practice, and the various yogas of India and Tibet. He also practices and teaches Internal Chinese Martial Arts, Qigong, Taijiquan and Xingyiquan. Daniel currently lives with his wife and daughter in upstate New York.)

#lucid dreaming #astral projecting stories #sleep study #eeg equipment market #eeg

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thearkhound · 6 years

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Letters to the MSX

Letters to the MSX (MSXにおくる手紙/MSX ni okuru tegami) is an article that was published in the final issue of MSX-FAN magazine (dated August 1995), in which the publication sent out a questionnaire to various people within the video game, computing and consumer electronics industries (from companies such as Micro Cabin, Compile, Game Arts, Sony and Matsushita), asking them about their involvement with the MSX and their thoughts about the platform, which was being discontinued from the market after 12 years in the market.

Originally I only intended to translate Hideo Kojima’s answers to the questionnaire, but then I decided to do the whole article because not only does it bring a lot of insight to the MSX culture in Japan, but it also provides a picture of how the computer industry was back in the mid-90′s and where it was heading. This is why it took me a while to publish this translation (and why I have been inactive on Twitter for almost a month now), since it was not only quite a long article, but there’s also quite a bit of technical jargon and idioms that I wanted to make sure I would get right.

Anyway, I hope that you will enjoy it.

Introduction

We sent out this questionnaire to as many companies as possible who were involved with the MSX via fax or PC. We wanted to publish the thoughts of the people who were involved during that period. We do believe this will lead to our next step.

The contents of the questionnaires are as follows. Please read them fully and compare them.

The text has been printed the way it was sent to us, but editor’s notes have also been in parts that we believe might be too difficult for some readers to comprehend. The text after the red circle is written by the editorial department to introduce the developer who answered the questionnaire, followed by their answers to each question. If the answers to question 1 and 4 given by the person in the previous section, then “same as above” will written in its place.

MSX-FAN Final Questionnaire

Company’s name

Name and current department

Job(s) during the MSX era

Most notable MSX products by the company

Your most nostalgic MSX moment and why

Words you wish to impart to MSX-FAN readers

Bonus/ Secrets, inside stories or such you wish to share

Tokihiro Naito

We can’t help but feel from reading Mr. Naito’s comment that the MSX was a machine that everyone made good use of. With such powerful talents, his games have served as an inspiration to numerous players. Before long, people learn about the enjoyment of creating games just like Mr. Naito... We feel it’s quite a wonderful chain.

T&E Soft

Tokihiro Naito, Development Division

DD Club/Pattern Editor Programming and Manual Manuscript Creation, Undead Line/Game Design. Hydlide/Game Design and Direction, Hydlide 3/Main Programming, Rune Worth/Game and Direction. I feel there were more projects (I’ve worked on), but I don’t remember any of them.

3D Golf Simulation, Hydlide series, Laydock series, Daiva, Psy-O-Blade, Rune Worth, DD Club, T&E Disk Magazine, and more

Laydock/ The truth is that I want to talk about everything I’ve worked on, but this particular title left the most lasting impression. This had an unexpectedly short development time, meaning that it was released even before the new MSX hardware. However, the developing target was pretty unstable, and with the hardware and BIOS specifications changing everyday, it led to a difficult development period. The person in charge was all (^ ^;

The MSX was a very interesting job for me. The MSX was probably the first time I was introduced to the concept of a VDP at such an early stage. Since the MSX was also the first machine I’ve ever experienced the use of sprites with, it was personally very fun. Even though MSX-FAN might be gone now, I hope many people will still use the MSX as a starting machine for programming or for making CGI.

DD Club contained a tool called SPEN, which was not a product by the company. It was actually a hobby program I designed in my home for over two years. At any rate, the name stood for Special Pattern Editor for Naito. This program was given free of charge to T&E Soft as my dedication to them./During the development of Laydock, I received a new BIOS-ROM from ASCII almost everyday, but every time the BIOS was changed it would cause the game to stop running, and we had to cool out the prototype MSX2 computer with a paper fan while programming as soon as it was overheating./ The 800 kanji fonts for the MSX1 version of Hydlide III that were on a 7x8 pixel format were in fact created by me. Were they hard to read? I’m sorry if that was the case./ There are many more unrevealed inside stories, but... (Editor’s Note 1: We this much content, we can’t publish this letter without cutting off some parts. Hmm...) (Editor’s Note 2: Hmm, I wonder if the other editor has seen that one last sentence.) (^ ^;

Akira Misoda

In the MSX world there is Micro Cabin. Nothing else needs to be said. We are grateful to them for many things. We thank them for porting Princess Maker to the MSX. And in addition to providing software for our supplemental disks, we learned many things from Mr. Nakano as the lecturer for our Picture Story & Movie Classroom articles. Producer Misoda has made an effort to backup all the above. I don’t think the Princess Maker port would’ve happened without his influence.

Micro Cabin

Akira Misoda, 1st R&D Department

Producer & Programmer of Campaign Daisenryaku. Programmer of The Tower of Cabin. Producer of Princess Maker.

Fray, Xak, Xak II, Maison Ikkoku, Urusei Yatsura, Daisenryaku, Super Daisenryaku, Princess Maker, Illusion City, The Tower of Gazzel.

This doesn’t have anything to do with the MSX version specifically, but Xak was the first game I programmed desperately after I’ve joined the company. I gave the rough source code to Mr. Nakatsu when he joined the company to produce the MSX version, but I’m still impressed that such a difficult code to understand could be ported so well.

The MSX is a hardware that has raised many people. There are quite a few people at Micro Cabin who used to be MSX users before joining the company. With the proper knowhow, you could make games on the MSX without having to purchase any expensive add-on (compared to other platforms). In that sense, it’s such a great loss that another platform that has produced game-making geniuses (!?) is disappearing from the industry. I might be exaggerating a bit, but... I really feel that way.

I’ve worked on the MSX prior to joining Micro Cabin. I did around four outsourced jobs from three different companies, and two of them were for Micro Cabin.

Yasuhiko Nakatsu

Programmers are said to stay up all night, tend to run away and are all unusual men, but there is no one who makes good products that keeps his deadlines, sleeps on time, and provides gentle guidance to everyone. We at the editorial department asked for such a person to serve as our lecturer for our picture story show articles. We are grateful to Mr. Nakatsu for everything he did to us and we apologize for asking too much of him. We are truly sorry for that.

Same as above

Yasuhiko Nakatsu, 1st R&D Department

Planning, programming, writing

Same as above.

I have many fond memories of software that came out on the MSX. Among there was this software called Su**s Gri... Oops! I’ve almost mentioned something I shouldn’t. My bad. My bad. Personally, Illusion City was my most memorable game when it comes to the most hardships I have to endure.

Thank you for publishing my articles after such a long period. For those who are not good at programming at BASIC, please look up any back issues and try your best at creating a picture story. The MSX was a machine with many ways to enjoy oneself. I look forward to future activities with the platform.

I was the one responsible for raising the memory of the A1-GT to 512Kb. Thanks to that, the machine was able to play MIDI without the burden of access time. I’m truly grateful at everyone in Matsushita.

Hitoshi Suenaga

Rather than introduce the person, I thought it would be more fitting to introduce his projects. He’s a talented genius responsible for the character designs in Micro Cabin.

Same as above

Hitoshi Suenaga, 2nd R&D Department

Xak 1, Fray, Daisenryaku, Illusion City

Same as above

Xak 1, since it was the first MSX project I ever worked on after joining the company.

I am grateful to everyone who supported our work, as well as everyone answered the questionnaire. While it’s sad that the world will go on without the MSX, I will still use it for my hobbies and personal work. In fact the character units in the 3DO version of Konpeki no Kantai were drawn on my MSX computer and then converted to the console.

If you want to be honest, if ASCII had asked for my input, I would’ve balanced out the hardware specifications of the MSX turbo R a bit more and I think the platform would’ve been around a bit longer. When I learned about the MSX turbo R’s hardware specifications after unveiling conference, I began crying on my bed... I’m serious! The MSX2 was a serviceable upgrade from the MSX1, but after that...

Katsuya Nagai

Mr. Nagai made one MSX software after the other while in Micro Cabin thanks to his love for the MSX and the effort he made to program every day and night.

Same as above.

Katsuya Nagai, 1st R&D Department

Programmed the opening and ending of Xak I. Also made the fighting minigame in The Tower of Cabin.

Same as above.

I was involved with Xak I as soon as I’ve joined the company.

Even though we are no longer making MSX games, we hope you’ll still support Micro Cabin in the future.

The Fray vs. Pixie minigame from The Tower of Cabin was ported from the PC-9801 version and I got to draw the animation patterns of a special move that was planned for the game. However, not all the animation frames could fit into the game’s memory, so I ended up using the regular patterns instead.

Naoko Arakawa

When talking about the TAKERU software vending machines, there is Ms. Arakawa. She was always full of energy when we met her during events. She even worked together with our editorial staff on the Sorcerian port, which is a project that brings us deep memories. She also worked on Sorcerian Relay, which is included in this final issue. Since it’s just a relay race game featuring characters from Sorcerian created by the editorial staff, it might not be anything special, but... We would be grateful is she re-releases more classic MSX software via TAKERU.

Xing

Naoko Arakawa, TAKERU Executive Office (sales division G)

Sales promotion of MSX software for TAKERU

Sorcerian, BURAI Vol. 2, ect.

Thanks to the news announcement from MSX-FAN, our game reprinting project attracted attention from many users, which evolved into the TAKERU Meisaku Bunko (Masterpiece Library) series. We;re now re-releasing PC-9801 and X68000 games on TAKERU as well, becoming an important pillar of our service more than ever. I think it was all thanks to the planning of MSX-FAN and our MSX users.

I truly salute MSX users for their passion, enthusiasm and creative urge. While we gathered many games for our reprint series, there were still quite a few things that left a bit to be desired (like why we didn’t include games from a certain company or why we didn’t include a particular title). There were many games that did not come out on TAKERU due to various circumstances, so we apologize for that. From now on we’ll do our best to have software reach MSX users via TAKERU, even if it’s just a few game. Please support us.

I have strong memories of sneaking out to see the A-Bomb Dome while I was en route to the MSX Festival in Hiroshima. On another occasion, I was photographed by a professional for the first time when I was interviewed by Mr. Tokita and Mr. Sasaya. The photo looked like a portrait than any normal photo. It’s one of my most treasured possessions.

Akkii

Falcon is a company that undertook a substantial role in the porting of Sorcerian that MSX-FAN and TAKERU (Brother) helped produce. Their president, Ms. Midori Ito, while working for Yamaha to promote the MSX, unexpectedly ended up becoming a programmer herself and before long she ended up marrying Mr. Kazuhiko Ito, who was employed at Micro Cabin at the time. The two ended up forming their own software development company. Answering in this section is Mr. Moribe, who was the lead graphic designer.

Tierheit (aka Falcon)

Akkii, Planning & Development Department - Development Section 2

Pixel art, debugging, intermediary with TAKERU’s executive officer, and many other jobs

Sorcerian, Sengoku Sorcerian, Pyramid Sorcerian

All of it, of course. It was the first company I’ve joined and the first job I was employed at.

The ending of Sorcerian was very anti-climatic. I’m sorry about that. Of course, the MSX is a hardware that exists because of its users. Even if this magazine will no longer be in print, the MSX scene will remain active as long as there are users, especially when it comes graphic designing (personally). Good luck!

Well there’s something I want to say, but... Oh no!

Yoshihide

I often used to go to the MSX Fair. I used to work at Osaka, bu moved back to Tokyo along with my wife last year. I want to know if the secret title was Dragon Spirit or Valkyrie.

Namco

Yoshihide, Consumer Sales Department - Promotion Division

MSX software sales and PR activities (including planning). Since there weren’t that many people, I did a bit of everything.

Return of Ishtar, Xevious: Farland Saga, Pac-Mania, ect. We also did the Disk NG series too.

For Xevious, I remember doing a bit of everything ranging from joining in the planning, production, advertising, distribution, sales and public relations.

I wish good luck to everyone involved with the MSX at Namco (including our users).

There were many games that we announced, but didn’t get released. On one hand I think it’s regrettable, but on the other hand it’s a bit horrifying.

Masamitsu Niitani

It’s because of Disk Station magazine that the MSX became an interesting world. It’s because of them that we had the Puyo Puyo series and Carbunkle. With its low-price, the fun-packed Disk Station was a brilliant plan that managed to rejuvenate an industry that has hit a rut. It was always a pleasure to deal with President Niitani himself when calling the company, even if it was the middle of the night.

Compile

Masamitsu Niitani, President

Planner, Producer, Graphic Designer, Programmer

Guardic, Madō Monogatari, Nyanpi, Golvellius, Rune Master, Adventure of Randar, Disk Station

Disk Station

Let’s walk with the times

I want to talk to Mr. Nishii of ASCII about his thoughts on the MSX.

Yoichi Miyaji

The founders of Game Arts got their start as part-timers at ASCII back in the old days. Because of their talent, they quickly formed their own company, where they gave birth to Thexder. At any rate, we had a chance to seriously think about developing for the MSX with Mr. Miyaji.

Game Arts

Yoichi Miyaji, President

Producer

Thexder, Fire Hawk, the Gyuwamburaa Jikō Chūshinha series, the Sum series

The debugging of the MSX-BASIC rom was carried out back when the founders of Game Arts were employed at ASCII. I think the BASIC was made extremely well.

I treasured the MSX like it was my own child. I did my best with the belief that the MSX was a better hardware than the Famicom (NES). It’s been more than 10 years (ed’s note: 12 years precisely), the age of the Famicom is over now and it’s time to let the MSX go too. It’s truly been a long time.

Satoshi Uesaka

Mr. Uesaka was the one who originally created the card concentration game called Card Desu as soon as MSX-FAN started including supplemental disks on each issue. It had an edit function in hopes that it would lead to a series of edited works, but not many edited versions were made and the whole thing amounted to nothing.

Same as above.

Satoshi Uesaka, Section Chief of Development

Producer, Director, Programmer, Pixel Artist, Scripter... I did many things.

Same as above.

The Sum series ended with 14 games that were released in a span of a single year.

Never forget your dreams, even when they end. (plagiarized)

Kamiji

BIT2′s president Mr. Kuribayashi was observing various creative tools for the PC-9801 one day when said that he would make his own versions to surpass them on the MSX. So he ended up making the CGI tool Graphsaurus, the FM music tool Synthesaurus and the MIDI tool Midisaurus. Without these tools there would’ve been no CGI contest on MSX-FAN and no MIDI Sandogaza column. In Mr. Kuribayashi’s place, this questionnaire was answered by saleswoman Ms. Kamiji.

BIT²

Kamiji, Sales

Accounting

Graphsaurus, Synthesaurus, Famicle Parodic

When they started putting all their efforts into the Turbo R and GT was when the MSX started sinking.

We still wanted to make MSX software, but since not many people were buying them anymore, we had to discontinue them.

Toshikazu Awano

While persistently providing software for the MSX, he also provided his invaluable insights on the MSX during the MSX Symposium (see our June 1991 issue). It seems he got into this world from the records industry, but has since be transferred into KOEI’s U.S. subsidiary and is now busy selling English versions of the Nobugana’s Ambition series for consoles.

Koei

Toshikazu Awano, Koei Corporation (of America)

Head of Sales

Nobunaga’s Ambition, Romance of the Three Kingdoms

Nobunaga’s Ambition II came out when I’ve joined the company and since it sold pretty well, it left me with a strong impression.

Our company used to sell MSX soft until very late, but when we discontinued them, we suddenly receiving porting requests from MSX users. Many of them were specifically middle and high schoolers with a strong sense of appreciation.

Tatsuo Matsuda

As someone who greatly loves the MSX beyond all else, he aspired to turn it into a machine that gives everyone the opportunity to bloom their talents. That is, even if you’re not rich or you live in a rural area, you should be able to use the MSX to awaken your hidden talent by creating CGI and music or get the opportunity to express yourself.

ASCII

Tatsuo Matsuda, Multimedia Department Promotion Manager

Promotion for MSX Sales

MSX

We have shipped over 4 million home computers to young people around the world, including Japan.

I want you to become smart Japanese people with unique personalities who could work around the world.

There are still many people using the MSX around the world. The MSX should be classified as a computer, not a game console. I’m very pleased that many people have learned about computers from this platform and have found employment through it.

Hitoshi Suzuki

Everyone who was involved with MSX has called him a genius. Without his genius, perhaps MSX wouldn’t had gotten such a good BASIC program. Nevertheless, he’s a truly wonderful person with a sense of humor who made Basic-kun as a side-project

Same as above.

Hitoshi Suzuki, Director of Digital System Division and Silicon Software Development

Listener to Mr. Matsuda’s complaints and causing uproars at parties.

I haven’t really done that much (Ed’s Note: He did a lot. Many of the programming for tools and systems used by the MSX were done by him.)

Yukiko Okada’s suicide haunted me. (Ed’s Note: At the time of her death, she was appearing in the advertising of a certain company.)

Our youth is a brief moment that only shines once. The memories that have gone through all of us at a rapid-pace will shine within me forever. And on my deathbed, I will utter “Em...Ess...Ex” as my last words.

There’s a huge mouse in Osaka. (Ed’s Note:It seems that the three main proponents of the MSX platform (Mr. Yamashita, Mr. Matsuda, Mr. Suzuki) once went to a business trip in Osaka. Nobody truly knows what happened there, but it seems that Mr. Matsuda was nicknamed Mr. Mouse after a certain incident. Don’t tell anyone, you meanie!)

Shingo Tamura

Mr. Tamura joined Sony at the midst of the audioboom. He was responsible for the famed live recording machine Densuke. Afterward, he became involved with the MSX and was in charge of the PalmTop. Even though Mr. Tamura is the section chief with a scary reputation, he’s actually a romantic who likes the stars, nature and soba noodles. We thought about what Sony means as a company with stuff such as sending mail through the internet in this day. Is it linked to their merchandising? We also wanted to emphasize the MSX’s side as a cool PC.

Sony

Shingo Murata, Planning and Development of Merchandising

Sales Chief of Planning and Development of Hardware, Software and Peripherals

The HB-55 was the first HiTBiT promoted by Saeko Matsuda. The HB-F1 was a budget-priced MSX2 computer that retailed at 32,800 yen. The HB-F1XD is an MSX2 with a floppy disk drive that retailed at 54,800 yen. In terms of games, there was The Wiz, which was perhaps a famed Sony original.

There was a software called Igo Club that was an online go game, and a Kanji Video Titler. There was also a BASIC-learning kit aimed at an industrial-level (after applying for the correspondence education, you would be sent an MSX with a handbook).

Every middle schooler who got their start on the MSX dreamed differently from Famicom owners. They could learn how to program or how to make a software run to their own accord. They continued in their creative endeavors now, even now as adults. If they can have home terminals like that in the 21st century, I think we can once again stir up some creativity. As long as people have dreams, we’ll embark on new challenges.

We tried to make and sell all kinds of products. The hardware is a business that really ought to make use of the software. With that in mind, we couldn’t make the DC machine (Ed’s note:a portable device) because the resolution was a bit overly optimistic and there were too many constraints. I would like to thank my subordinates, editor-in-chief Ms. Kitane and her staff, and my good friends at Sakurakai (Ed’s note: a liaison between multiple MSX hardware manufacturers that gathered once in every month, where they would improve on the good points, reflect on the bad ones and collaborate with each other. It was last held in May ‘95), even if they would normally be suspected of bid-rigging. And of course, everyone at ASCII. It was thanks to the MSX that I had a bond we all of the above people. And what would become of Mr. Kurami, our MSX historian at Sony who served as our walking encyclopedia? Thanks!

Naoya Kurami

Mr. Kurami is a delicate perfect fit for Sony’s corporate image. Everytime he received a call from our editorial department, he always winced momentarily whenever it was some kind of difficult call... Despite that, he seems to have what appears to be a poster of Saeko-chan...

Same as above.

Naoya Kurami, Vice Director of Planning and Development of Merchandising

Planning and Promotion of hardware, software and peripherals

Same as above

I don’t know if it can be said that its directly MSX-related, but do you know the stock-trading computer HB-T600 or the online go software Igo Club? Either way, studying stocks and studying go was a painful experience. And considering all that, the results were not quite good.

Well, for better or worse I spent the last ten years of my life working on the MSX. With this information now out on an MSX-related magazine, I feel a bit embarrassed. By the way, I own a train poster of Ms. Seiko Matsuda (advertising for our HiTBiT computers) as a souvenir from the past. I thought about selling it for a high price... I would like to thank all of editors at MSX-FAN and all of its readers. It’s been such a long time.

Hideaki Yagami

We, at the editorial staff, get the impression that the people at Matsushita are very serious and diligent. Both, their hardware and software are designed with the need to bring enjoyment to their users without betraying their expectations. Only Matsushita machines are strong against instantaneous blackouts and their PACs (Pana Amusement Cartridges) might had been a manifestation of that mentality. Under such circumstances, Mr. Yagami (who is also skilled at skiing) was pretty good at gaining the trust of the software house (not just for the debugging meetings) and still is to this day.

Matsushita

Hideaki Yagami, Software Development Department of the Interactive Media Division

Development & Planning of Software at the Pana Amusement Production

The FS-5500F2 is famous for being the first MSX computer with 2 disk drives. The FS-A1 was a budget-pridced MSX2 that retailed 29,800 yen. The PACs were MSX cartridges containing S-RAM backup. Other products include the CF-XXX series, the FM-PAC, a Bowling System and an educational system aimed for Russia (that’s a secret)

The AshGuine series were a series of games starring the first character made by our company. We made the games all-night at the development site with the developers from the various companies involved to decide on the content of each game, their packaging and the posters.

When the MSX was brought to this world, a personal computer meant for the users something that could run the program they made, not just the packaged software they bought from a store. In today’s world, computers take many shape in order to support the needs of the world, but in spite of that it’s no longer easy to program by yourself, even if you own a PC. Even though PCs are becoming much closer to humans now, I can’t helped but feel a sense of nostalgia when the distance between them was more primitive, that is to say when a PC was just a programming tool. Back then the PC was the embodiment of a user’s dreams full of possibilities. It could be said that people who lived through the era when PCs were born are living witnesses of a valuable era that brought fruit to a trend of rapid creation and evolution. Keep those memories of freshness in mind and continue dreaming, seeking the possibilities of new challenges.

I wonder if there was any other unified effort between multiple home electronics manufacturers to promote a unified standard (MSX). MSX-FAN may have ended with this issue, but for the hardware manufacturers I think it was an era of everyone pursuing the dream of a single unified standard of PC. To all the companies that provided software, I’m truly grateful. I’m also grateful to Ms. Kitane and the rest of the editors of Tokuma for being there until the end. And finally, I would like to thank of all the MSX users who supported the platform.

Kazuaki Hiraga

Mr. Hiraga was suddenly put in charge of the MSX in a matter of months and became a familiar figure in ten years, leaving quite an impression. He has the personality you would expect. He plays Gekitotsu Pennant Race pretty well too. He also planned to lend out MSX computers to a culture festival. Thanks to that, he experienced a “ghost incident” in the Kanazawa Inn. At any rate, he held a mini-4WD competition to bring excitement to the event and played games with other users. In a sense, he was a familiar and energetic face to the MSX.

Same as above.

Kazuaki Hiraga, Software Development Department of the Interactive Media Division

As a member of the PAP, I’ve worked as a contact for various software providers and at the same time I was involved in the development of original software and peripherals (such as the PACs). I also planned and managed nationwide events. I was Pana Amusement Club member no. 0001! By the way, the Amusement Club began business around the time Vampire Killer came out

Same as above.

At the beginning many hardware manufacturers created MSX machines, but in the end it became a fateful confrontation between Matsushita and Sony. Right now our Panasonic-branded products are selling quite well, especially our TVs and videos, but our no. 1 product in Japan is the “A1″. This symbolizes the magnitude of expectations that Matsushita applies to its products.

Looking at the current software industry, there are quite a few people who joined the industry from the MSX, so I feel it’s a big deal. in that sense, I appreciate all those people who are still passionate about the MSX and I’m eagerly awaiting even more people to become experts in the field of software development.

Thanks to the MSX, I have a nice family (ed’s note: Mr. Hiraga met his wife when she was the host of an MSX event. They now have a child together). It was also fun to go through various events nationwide and talk to representatives of software houses and magazines. Everyone gave it their best during the 4WD races in particular. (ed’s note:Mr. Naito of T&E Soft is known for using a turbo mode technique that connected batteries in a serial format.) One of the packaging illustrators for the AshGuine series was the now-famous Teppei Sasakura (who at the time was an unknown). Looking at the prices of Mr. Sasakura’s works recently, I tried to look for the original painting, but it’s nowhere to be found. Ah!

Masao Ito

Mr. Ito is an obliging person who planned out products he thought of while working on Matsushita’s hardware designs. If things are any indication, we believe he made the FM-PAC by embracing a headfirst approach. Within the people at Matsushita who supported the MSX until the end, Mr. Ito has been patiently answering various questions from our editorial staff up until this final issue.

Same as above.

Masao Ito, Planning and Selling of Foreign Software for the Interactive Media Division (I’m making 3DO stuff now).

First I worked on hardware designs. But then I acted as a jack-of-all-trades, examining the MSX standards at the same time. At the the end, I was responsible for product planning, as well as in charge of designing domestic and overseas systems.

Same as above

In Russia, I almost got arrested by the Moscow police one time after spending several consecutive nights bowling there.

The MSX was a cost-effective platform. It was useful in various ways if you knew how to use it well. While the MSX’s days are numbered, its ideal still remains true. The concept will surely be revived in the future (don’t hesitate to ask in which form).

I did quite a lot of things, but for some reason I am still an unknown in this industry. The PAC and FM-PAC cartridges were possible thanks to me! By the way, I’m still waiting to receive my own PAC and FM-PAC from the company.

Yuya Iwakiri

Mr. Iwakiri is a gentleman who organized many MSX events that gave us the chance to gather everyone. He supported up us until the end.

Same as above.

Yuya Iwakiri, Public Relations Department Editorial Department

As a professional, I’m a latecomer to the MSX when I was employed in 1989. In my private life, the first MSX computer I touched was a so-called King Kong word processor, which was a unique experience. Because I came from an advertising background, I focused on the planning and organizing of MSX fairs, where I involved in the creations of catalogs and advertisement (thinking about it though, the job was rather lonely since MSX-FAN was practically the only MSX-focused media remaining by that point), as well as the promotion and advertising of word processors (such as the UI series and the SLALA model).

Same as above.

For me, it’s perhaps the FS-A1GT, which ended up becoming the last MSX machine ever produced. The slight hopes of everyone who had an affection for the MSX, such as Ms. Kitagane, whom I have a strong rapport with, and the various celebrities (in every sense of the word) from all sorts of software house starting with Mr. Tanaka (director general of Micro Cabin), were gathered thanks at the nationwide fairs thanks to this machine. Until the bitter end, there was hope for another model, hope for the uncertain future of the MSX... Even though I knew how it was going to end, I still couldn’t help but feel a sense of bitterness when it was over. It was like falling in love with someone you were forbidden to, like a feudal lord and a peasant or Romeo & Juliet...I thought about why I was given a job during such a moment.

There’s always one way or another to do things because of the mischief of the age. I don’t want to ponder any “what ifs”, “perhaps” and “if only”, but just like life, I still wonder if the MSX could ever return to the starting line... I’m sure everyone involved with the MSX is thinking this as well. In this age in which Microsoft is now threatening IBM’s grasp of the PC market, it would wonderful to imagine the MSX engine from Japan taking over the world.

My kids (ages 6 and 4) play all sorts of gaming platforms. The Game Boy, the Super Famicom and the 3DO. But they really like MSX games over everything else. Perhaps they inherited my preference and nostalgia for MSX games... DNA is quite a scary thing. Anyway, I’m truly grateful to all the MSX fans around the world! Until we’ll meet again.

Masayuki Takeuchi

“Study hard and play hard” is a saying that suits this person. That’s because studying and playing are truly above-average.

Same as above.

Masayuki Takeuchi, Interactive Media Division Software Development Department Promotion and Planning Section

Planning for advertising and sales promotion.

Same as above

Before PCs became widespread, we put out the first MSX word processor with a built-in printer, which was a pretty successful product. Another product we put out was the A1, a budget-priced MSX2 computer sold at 29,800 yen. In order to promote the A1 at the time, we did several publicity campaigns such as a truck that traveled all over the country and the advertising character AshGuine. They were pretty memorable ad campaigns.

I'm sorry that it’s over. However, I’m truly grateful that people still appreciate the MSX to this day.

There was a golf game from Hudson that was pretty popular where you could switch between a professional and amateur mode. There was also a shooting game called Zanac, in which I made a bet with another employee named S-kun, who offered me a yen for each point I made. He owes me 2.4 million.

Taro Sugimoto

Even though Panasonic has officially ceased advertising their MSX computers in our magazine, they continue to publish advertisement for their U1 word processors. Perhaps they did out of obligation, but I feel they cherish their users more than that. Some members of their MSX development team has since moved on to the 3DO, but they still demonstrate their power even in their word processors. Because my nickname among my seniors was also “Taro”, I would often ignore people calling me out during MSX events if they didn’t attach my surname.

Same as above.

Taro Sugimoto, I.T. Division Commercial Affairs

I was doing promotion and advertisement under Takeuchi, Iwakiri and Hiraga, all whom I’ve received regards individually. In particular I was in charge of the MSX game events that were held once in every season. Since I was employed by the sales and promotion department, I never got around to making my own product, but I did write a utility book for an A1 peripheral. As a freshman employee at the time, it was my first experience with a PC, so it was extremely memorable.

Same as above.

The above-mentioned event. While I still organize events nowadays, the MSX Festival was the basis for everything. I used to travel all around the country, ate various delicacies and became acquainted with various representatives of software publishers, including Ms. Kitane, all whom have become valuable assets to me. I still treasured the t-shirt and sweatshirt that were produced for those events.

I’m currently in charge of advertising and managing promotion for our word processors and MSX-FAN could help us out by published our ads in each issue... I think. I’m sorry.

While organizing an event in Osaka, there was lack of manpower, so I helped out while wearing a sweatshirt. I was already in my second year within the company and I ran into a college acquaintance at the venue and he asked me “you’re still working as a part-timer.” Anyway, please support our word processors.

Hideo Kojima

When one hears the name Konami, a mountain of memories pop up. Konami has been releasing software vigorously since the beginning of the MSX’s lifespan and they always had an amazing quality to them. We have wonderful memories of games such as the fun Antarctic Adventure and Space Manbow, which turned out to be a good game despite constant delays thanks to the commitment of the developers. It seems that Konami carries the philosophy during development that one has to observe games that are hits or duds, and understand why they sell or not. As a result, Konami has created the most splendid games in the world. In such circumstances, Mr. Kojima created a new kind of game with a scenario for the PC market that wouldn’t had been possible in an arcade environment.

Konami

Hideo Kojima, Development Section 5

Planning, writing, direction, and a few character designs

For Kojima: Metal Gear, Snatcher, Solid Snake. For Konami in general: the Nemesis series, the Knightmare trilogy, Yie-Ar Kung-Fu, Space Manbow, Penguin Adventure, The Goonies, and many more.

My most memorable project was the original Metal Gear. Back then I was a rookie who didn’t know to distinguish between his right and his left, so I didn’t know how to make a game at the time. I didn’t even know how to get assistance from people. I had no credibility as a planner (since my previous game proposal got rejected). I think it was pretty reckless of me to create a new type of game. I had nothing but enthusiasm to drive me.

With the MSX, there was a sense of “learning together” and “living together.” In particular, I was full of feelings that I shared with players during my youth. My game development career was never in the limelight, so I don’t know how much the sincere opinions of all my players have encouraged and supported me. Even now I’m still encouraged by the correspondences of players from those days. I think there’s some sort of coexistence that goes beyond the framework between a receiver and a sender.

Each year new talent enter the game industry. Among them are many people that choose this path by being inspired by the MSX. At the very the least they inherited a burning passion for the MSX. The users (receivers) and developers (senders) will always remember the “sensation” of that time. If they have “pride”, then I’m sure the game industry will move towards a good direction.

#MSX-FAN #Hideo_Kojima #Konami #MSX #Micro_Cabin #Game_Arts #T&E_Soft #Namco

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crushimaginesandsuch · 6 years

Text

#12-Dogfight Pt 1

For once, not inspired by a musical (though Dogfight the musical is a thing and it’s amazing but moving on). Also, first 2-part imagine yayaya.

Part 2, here

What was I doing?

From across the courtyard I could hear their voices but not what they were saying to each other. C/N chuckled and rolled his eyes at something his friend had said. He wrapped his arms around his chest, pulling his jacket tighter to his body it seemed. He laughed and his gaze fell to the ground as he shook his head. But as he looked up, he turned his head just a little. His eyes met mine.

I only held the contact long enough to see him frown. I turned away, cursing the hot blush covering my cheeks.

Why was I so caught up on him? I’d barely talked to him--just a few times in rehearsal. He was a year above me in school and had it not been for my love for theatre and his love for an easy A, I doubt he’d even know I exist.

Though I wasn’t completely sure he knew now.

“Hey, Y/N, is it?”

I abandoned my intense focus on a nearby tree and found standing in front of me the cause of all my crush-turmoil and John--one of C/N’s friends. John was the one to ask my name, I knew. Call it creepy, but I could tell C/N’s voice apart.

I nodded, clearing my throat. “Yeah, Y/N.”

John smiled and his head tilted to the side. “What’s a pretty girl like you standing here alone for?”

I could feel the way my eyes widened--probably resembling saucers. I shifted in my spot, trying to seem collected. “I don’t know what you mean,” I chuckled lightly.

I couldn’t help but glance to C/N. He was staring at the ground, wearing an angry, intense frown. It took everything in me to not let my face settle into a matching frown.

I don’t know what I expected. Him to be absolutely beaming to be around me? Almost shaking because he got the shot to talk to me? Jesus Christ, what was I thinking?

“Oh come on!” John moved forward, wrapping a loose arm around my shoulders. I nearly shrugged it off but the action brought C/N’s gaze up. His stare was stuck on John, but at least it had moved from the ground. At this point, I had to count that as a win. “Isn’t she pretty, C/N?”

His eyes flicked to meet mine. His frown had deepened, though it seemed less angry, more sullen. “Yeah, sure.” C/N rolled his lips and turned back to John--who still had his arm around me. “We should go, John.”

Ouch. At least the one hopeful part of me--the romantic, optimist who ignored logic--knew once and for all he couldn’t stand to be around me.

“Yeah, yeah, one second.”

John lifted his arm but turned me quickly around to face him. His hands settled just above my elbows and he gave me a small squeeze. “I know this is late notice, but a few of us are having a party Friday night.” He paused to bite his lip. “Would you want to be my date?”

I cursed myself for it, but I looked at C/N. His eyes had returned to the pavement and he’d stuffed his hands in his pockets. I didn’t dare try to read his face. I knew it would hurt ten times worse if I did.

I turned back to John. Sure, he was cocky--a little disruptive in class. We had almost nothing in common, really. But he was hot, interested, and not C/N. Exactly what I needed right now, I decided.

“I’d like that.” I mimicked him and bit my lip. Oh god I hoped that didn’t look as awkward as it felt.

John smiled, lifting his hands off my arms. “Perfect.” With a small smirk, he was off. C/N caught my eyes, but quickly rushed to follow his friend away.

I’d made a mistake. I’d come to that conclusion while struggling over what to wear. Now, walking into the party on John’s arm, it was only confirmed by how everyone’s head turned to find me. Smiles that almost resembled smirks lifted at everyone’s lips.

In a corner I noticed C/N, drinking from a red cup alone. Our eyes met shortly and he downed whatever was in the cup before turning away from me.

“You look hot.” John grinned as he spoke, his mouth much too close to my ear for comfort.

“Thanks.” I pushed a smile to my face. My hands run down the front of my blue dress. I’d tried to dress it up with heels and a necklace, but nothing could change the fact my closet was deeply boring and never trendy.

The night wore on and it seemed as time passed, the people around me got more antsy. I noticed a lot of the more “popular” girls weren’t around. There were no girlfriends or party girls. In fact, most of the female group were the simple, plain girls. So at least there were girls like me around.

John had been talking to his group of friends—all but C/N, that was—and I’d settled in next to a girl I knew from a few classes when someone tapped me on the shoulder.

“Can I talk to you?” C/N asked. His breath was light, almost shaky.

I was tempted to say no. He’d made it very clear he wanted nothing to do with me. It was about time I’d moved on. But the nervous tone of his voice and the way his lips dropped into a frown made my decision.

I nodded slowly, more amazed by the brilliant sparkle of his eyes than I’d care to admit, and followed him outside.

There weren’t many people on the lawn, but the people who were were all over each other. Couples embracing and making out against trees, sitting on the grass, even a pair leaning against a car.

Standing there with C/N was uncomfortable to say the least.

The air held a light chill, and I pulled my thin jacket closer to my body. I couldn’t help but imagine what would happen if C/N noticed the cold and offered his own jacket to me. It’d smell like him, of course. Probably like the cologne he’s worn since freshman year—though he only learned just how much cologne was too much recently.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

C/N’s words snapped me out of my daydream. “What?” I must have misheard him.

“You need to leave.” C/N’s face was firm and almost cold but his eyes pleaded with me. “You don’t belong here.”

I couldn’t believe what he was saying. Of course, I’d put two-and-two together. He didn’t like me—never would and never could. But I had never imagined he would be this rude.

I cursed myself for the tears that seemed to boil up out of no where. I blinked quickly, hoping they might disappear. God, here I was crying because C/N was being a dick. Did I have any control? I pushed the shame aside and pulled myself up taller. “Why do you think that?” I was shocked at how strong I sounded when I felt so weak.

“Y/N, you shouldn’t be here. You need to leave. This party isn’t for someone like—“

“Someone like me?”

C/N opened his mouth, but quickly shut it after. I dropped my arms to my side, the nervous tick in me rubbing the fabric beneath my fingers. It was no consolation.

I felt defeat. Complete, utter defeat. Not because he didn’t like me. No. Because I couldn’t even be mad at him. As he stood there, his eyes soft but his body distant and cold, all I wanted to do was cry. I wasn’t strong enough to be angry or upset. I couldn’t yell at him or tell him how furious I was. Because I wasn’t—I was just broken.

And I hated it.

“C/N, you know what”—

“Y/N!” John held a near-empty bottle of some expensive drink as he stumbled outside. He was drunk, the way he was walking made it obvious. But something in his eyes betrayed the aloof, out-of-control mumbling. He had a plan, knew what he was doing. “Come here, gorgeous.”

Within a second I was whisked inside and John stood next to me, periodically taking a swig from the bottle in his hand. A large circle formed around the outskirts of the room, and John quickly jumped upon the coffee table.

Around me, guys gathered up their dates. Whispered jokes and light snickering passed across the crowd, and I quickly noticed the dynamics of the group.

All the girls looked confused. They smiled shyly but I could tell they were lost as to what was happening. But the boys all smirked, a risky glint in their eyes.

C/N was standing in the doorway—only visible to me through a small parting in the crowd. He’d dropped any front he’d held earlier and stared at me, looking as if he was in pain.

I frowned and ignored him.

“Well, how are you enjoying the party?” John asked, waving around him. An obnoxious chorus of whoops and hollers swallowed the room. “Yeah? Me too, me too.” He smiled, his eyes meeting mine shortly. He winked at me before turning away again. “Now, not everyone knows this, but this party has a theme...”

Hushed murmurs passed in the following silence. A girl named Hanna asked me if I knew what he was taking about. I shrugged, and she anxiously began to bite her fingernail.

“Anyone here know what a dog fight is?”

Indisputable, still silence fell over us. The guys’ smirks grew and the girls narrowed their eyes.

A dog fight... I’d heard the term once—in a tv show or movie or something. From the way John bit his lip, I doubted he was referencing dogs fighting...

Then what—

Oh my god.

“John, don’t.”

I looked up. C/N had marched up beside the coffee table, glaring up at John. His fists were balled tight against his side, and his shoulders tense.

“Don’t what, C/N?” John raised his hands, almost shrugging. “I was just explaining to these people what a dogfight is. And which darling lady here won.”

Anger boiled up inside of me. Next to me, Hanna again asked me if I knew what was going on. This time, I nodded.

“It’s a contest,” I told her. Loud enough that people around me listened in, until the whole group quieted. I looked around at the girls. “It’s a contest to see which guy can bring the ugliest girl.”

A few gasps and shattered hearts echoed across the room, but all I could focus on was C/N.

He frowned as he stared at me. Biting the inside of his cheek, he stepped forward, but I turned away, walking until I was out on the sidewalk.

He knew. C/N knew about the party—and he’d let it happen.

Okay, end of part one woohoo. I just want to say I’ve been really inactive lately (cough threeish weeks cough) but there was just a lot of shit going on. Nothing too big but with everything building up, ya know. But yeah, I’m back to writing and any and all requests are welcome. :)

#crush #ashton irwin #calum hood #harry styles #liam payne #louis tomlinson #luke hemmings #niall horan #zayn malik #love #crush imagines #love imagines

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themysteriouswriter675 · 5 years

Text

Empty Frustration

Hello world. Although I’m sure almost no one’s reading this. The handful of followers whose attention I might have captured have probably lost me in the tsunami knows as Tumblr. Today I’ll try to revive myself, bang open the nails from one of the countless coffins Tumblr’s algorithm puts its millions of inactive users in, if you may. I’m a changed person from when I previously used to write- no longer invested heavily in changing the world, but rather scrambling to hold together the broken pieces within. I guess as my younger self sought to change society, to change norms, to shatter systems, and break glass ceilings, it forgot to take a peek inside itself and see that......there was nothing. Nothing but a fiery ego fueled for years by undeserved praise, nothing but a lazy feaster who does nothing besides waiting for the food to come to the table, without moving an inch towards it. And it was possible before. One might as well have forgotten there was anything to contend on the inside to begin with. One of the biggest shams ever sold to young people, was that your life, down the road, would be guided by what happens on the outside- outside events, outside obligations, outside people- that you would drown in your surroundings so much, that you didn’t have to contend with anything in your homeland. Of course, that’s only a torn half of the full page- no one warns the innocent of the real Goliath they have to slay. The real war that no one stocks up for hits them when they least expect it. One day they wake up and look at the mirror, and see more than they ever expected to. The highlights of one’s face brings visions that cannot be penned down, but yet their mind seems to retain even the slightest detail of, the tiniest speck at the most remote corner.

I’ve clearly become a far less skilled writer. But I feel more satisfaction writing this down than I ever did writing even my most brilliant stories. I’ve learnt a lot over the years, and one of the things I’ve learnt is that a machine will rip a human off into shreds when it comes to writing the most accurate, to-the-point piece one can. The chronology of the bulletproof, immaculate paragraphs of an algorithm almost seem to have been constructed, if I may, by decimal-precise instruments whose sole job is to not miss a single detail. And if that is what people set to imitate, then these words become strings of letters- writing loses meaning. I know that now. My previous self would hate the fact that I’ve interrupted my initial musings to go on a completely unrelated tangent. But I don’t deal in paragraphs anymore. Language points and content synchronization is no longer the lens through which I view my writings. I now deal in thoughts. In emotions. In stories. In conversations with voices from the inside. This writing won’t win prizes. But I’m at least able to write messages to the second person that has grown inside me. This person listens. This person responds. This person looks at the world and guides me based on what it gathers. This person isn’t me. This person isn’t someone else either. But this person exists, and will even drive you to a gun, or a bottle of sleeping pills, if it is provoked to. As we grow, this person becomes us. And I’m writing this to pen down what this person thinks of me.

Our days slowly morph, from the daily operations of an input-output algorithm, from a series of orders, from sports discussions, from childhood tiffin politics, from fretting over results, from mischievous giggles, from escaping relatives, from trying to fit ourselves into the grilles of our balcony, into something more morbid and harrowing. It turns into panic attacks, into anxiety, into stacks of unread books, into clinging onto friends who sometimes don’t cling back as much, into periods of time when the only two things you know are that you are looking at yourself and that tears are flowing out of your eyes, into week-long spans of running out of things to pat yourself on the back for. It is primarily that. The very idea that we can think for hours about what would happen if we die without flinching at the very idea in an instant amidst an unfaltering affection for reality should not be normal, but it is.

There can only be moments of digging upwards, reaching topsoil, and devouring the trees and the air before the dirt beneath the ground slides apart like quicksand. How long those moments are depends on how hard one can whip themselves into pulling themselves up by the bootstraps. Crafting that whip takes an extraordinary amount of religious dedication towards self-positivity and optimism manufacturing. It requires us to rip the ends of our receptors into oblivion till we are blind to the suffering that pulls us back again, howling, whimpering. The heart becomes heavy, our movements become more erratic during sudden moments to voluminous regret and frustration flowing through our cursed veins. We expect texts from people who, ultimately, don’t text. We expect people to notice us, feel our absence. It is all a fairy-tale. No one cares enough. At least the people you want to do not. You feel like abandoning people. But people do not need you. You need them. It takes a moment to wrap our heads around it. But one day, we look at ourselves, and realize, that the only well that quenches our thirst is contaminated with cyanide. There is no escaping the poisoning, the pain, because the alternative is utter destruction. Sometimes, the cyanide is purely fictitious, a figment of the imagination. But it is all the same. You feel a burning rage towards your friends. You call them scum of the earth, even though all they are doing is failing to live up to the sky-high expectations that the person inside you set.

But then again, all of this is before one opens the lid and look inside. All of these are simple iron pellets, shot at your body in preparation for the missile to come. You open yourself. Skin the flesh from the bone, rip the bone in half, and inside, there’s only Calcium. No feelings, no emotions, a person without a droplet of empathy. This is the body that you’ve been living inside for years. And imagine realizing that while you are alone, one day, when your life flashes by before your eyes, and the only thing you ever remember doing is hurting others. Hurting yourself. Thinking you are the best in the world. Building the lazy feaster whose body you would occupy one day. Imagine you distinctly remember the day it happened. Imagine that you cried for 4 hours straight. Imagine that the person you spent your whole life building is one that has personality dysphoria every night. A person that has developed the instinct to sit around and wait for things to happen. A person that cannot create order from the chaos he is given, and instead bathes in it, suffering in willingness, in complete submission to his self-annihilating nature. A person, who, in order to be forced to do something, has to be given the opportunity cost of severe physical or social penalties. One can only imagine it. Only those who have gone through it sit in front of a laptop at 1 a.m. and type it for the rest of the world to see.

One would think this is saddening. It is not. There is a part inside. Like a mother that screams to her child that exams are in 10 days. That part sees the fire that is coming to burn the trees. It sees the eerie calm before the storm. But I have become numb to my sheer incompetence. It is a sort of expressionless torture. It is the stick you grab to beat yourself that you care you do not have the energy to put to use. It is the fire that you light to burn yourself to make yourself feel the weight to your wasted years that you do not even feel like jumping to. I would say I feel like a robot. But a robot is programmed to do what it is told. I don’t even do that either.

The rotting mascot of a human being I made myself was stripped naked and put up on a humiliating exhibition. I decided that I can talk, and decided to open a page of my life that I want to burn with a lighter, rip slowly with my own fingers, as if to have the illusion that I’m causing it pain, drown it in cold, unforgiving water, and throw away in a lonely, isolated trash-bag. I decided to join debating. I don’t want to talk much about this part of my life(which still continues to this day though), because I know it way too well, and I feel like talking about it does no service to this exercise of self-therapy.

I didn’t plan an end to this excerpt. This was a photograph of my journey to being the pathetic human I am. Happiness, purpose, drive, love, inclusion- I am tired of being told that these things will come to me. I am not that long-haired sweetheart with a stable relationship and a thousand-page manual on social dexterity. I am not that sweet, wholesome person that everyone ascribes a positive contribution to their lives onto. I am not a sailor with a map. I’m a warrior that does not know how to wield a sword. A “nerd” who doesn’t study. A debater who doesn’t practice. A person that has manufactured a personality that I’m forgetting how to keep up. I’m nothing. There is nothing inside. A defunct car that has been pitched as a speed beast by salesmen who do not know the inside. This isn’t a story. An excerpt. This is a diagnosis. A periscope view. Of my inside. A pathetic, void-consumed, meaningless inside. I thought I would feel better after writing this. Turns out my emptiness has just been replaced by more of it.

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themattress · 6 years

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My Top 50 OUAT Episodes

And now, as a final goodbye to OUAT, I give you this list of my personal picks for the 50 best episodes in the series, listed in order of airing. Two-hour broadcasts are counted as one here.

1. Pilot - 1x01. One of the best TV pilots of recent years due to how quickly it grabs you and emotionally invests you in its magical atmosphere and the plight of its central characters.

2. The Thing You Love Most - 1x02. Best watched immediately after the pilot, as it deals with the same story but from the dark and twisted perspective of its villain, the Evil Queen.

3. Snow Falls - 1x03. Snow and Charming are, well, charming in their first adventure together and the start of their romance, as is sweet Mary Margaret in the present day.

4. That Still Small Voice - 1x05. Jiminy Cricket of all characters gets a surprisingly dark and emotional backstory that resonates with him in the extremely intense present-day scenario.

5. The Heart is a Lonely Hunter - 1x07. Jamie Dornan gives an incredible performance as the tormented Sheriff Graham / Huntsman, all the way to the episode’s tragic conclusion.

6. Desperate Souls - 1x08. We get our first true insight into the backstory of the enigmatic Rumpelstiltskin, and Emma becomes sheriff, making this a truly pivotal episode for the show.

7. Skin Deep - 1x12. A truly subversive, twisted take on the Beauty and the Beast story, with some unexpected layers added to Rumple’s character and Robert Carlyle’s performance.

8. Red-Handed - 1x15. Little Red Riding Hood IS the Big Bad Wolf. That is awesome.

9. Hat Trick - 1x17. One of the most terrifying, surreal episodes in the entire series, with the great Sebastian Stan knocking it out of the park as the deranged Mad Hatter, Jefferson.

10. The Return - 1x19. We learn why the curse was cast in a devastatingly emotional story that adds more to the characters of Rumple and August as the season enters its final stretch.

11. The Stranger - 1x20. August’s true identity is one of the best reveals in the whole series.

12. An Apple Red As Blood - 1x21. Part 1 of the season finale, as Regina in both the past and present gears up to finish off her nemesis, with the episode ending on a huge shocker.

13. A Land Without Magic - 1x22. Part 2 of the season finale, the best finale the show ever had, and quite possibly my all-time favorite episode. Almost everything about this episode is perfect and gives you the feeling of a story coming to its end as the threads come together.

14. Broken - 2x01. A solid season opener that sets the show on an exciting new course.

15. Lady of the Lake - 2x03. Things really pick up as Team Princess is formed, Cora is established as the new Big Bad, and we get some beautiful moments between Snow and Emma that make it all the more shameful that the show utterly ruins this dynamic later on.

16. The Doctor - 2x05. Dr. Whale is Victor Frankenstein. Did NOT see that coming!

17. Tallahassee - 2x06. The first adventure that “Captain Swan” (Emma and Hook) partake in together, while at the same time we finally learn about Emma’s sad past with her ex-lover.

18. Queen of Hearts - 2x09. A thrilling conclusion to the first arc of Season 2, where we finally learn Cora’s motivations and get an epic fight between the heroes and the villains.

19. Manhattan - 2x14. This episode is a real turning point, with Emma’s ex-lover being revealed as Rumple’s long-lost son, along with several new insights into Rumple’s past.

20. The Queen Is Dead - 2x15. One of the show’s most emotional episodes, in no small part thanks to Bailee Madison’s truly amazing performance as young Snow in the flashback.

21. The Miller's Daughter - 2x16. We learn about Cora’s fascinating backstory and the true nature of her relationship with Rumple. But then she dies, and the season totally falls apart.

22. Second Star To The Right - 2x21. Finally it feels like shit is getting done, and the concept of a terrifying re-imagining of Peter Pan in the flashback is immediately captivating.

23. And Straight On 'Til Morning - 2x22. The mess Season 2 became gets cleaned up in this gripping finale, with a brilliant new story set-up laid out to be followed in Season 3.

24. The Heart Of The Truest Believer - 3x01. OUAT is truly back at the top of its game here, juggling four different plot threads perfectly and introducing its greatest villain, Peter Pan.

25. Lost Girl - 3x02. The flashback here is meh, but the present day stuff is nigh-perfect.

26. Quite a Common Fairy - 3x03. For the first time, Regina’s potential redemption feels good and genuine, and Rose McIver’s re-imagining of Tinker Bell is a delight from the start.

27. Good Form - 3x05. Hook’s backstory is amazing, and Captain Swan truly begins here.

28. Ariel - 3x06. JoAnna Garcia Swisher makes a truly perfect live-action rendition of Ariel, and the interactions between all the characters in Neverland take a truly engaging turn.

29. Dark Hollow - 3x07. Belle and Ariel, on a mission from Rumpelstiltskin, team up to fight John and Michael Darling who serve the villainous Peter Pan. Only on this show, people!

30. Think Lovely Thoughts - 3x08. The “Nevengers” truly show how far they’ve come working as a group here, and we get one of the show’s most shocking and twisted reveals.

31. Going Home - 3x11. The perfect series finale that isn’t a series finale, with the action increasingly slowing down so that you can fully appreciate the emotions. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if the show had ended right here, I’d have been completely satisfied.

32. Witch Hunt - 3x13. Just plain fun and funny, with great dialogue and great character interactions that really get you re-adjusted to these characters and to life in Storybrooke.

33. The Jolly Roger - 3x17. Quite possibly the quintessential Hook episode, showing just what kind of a person he was and how he desperately wants to be a better man now.

34. Snow Drifts / There's No Place Like Home - 3x21 / 22. After the incredible letdown that was the climax of the Wicked arc, we get this two-part finale that really embodies the magic OUAT had and never quite will again, with Emma’s character arc coming to a fitting end.

35. The Apprentice - 4x04. “The Dark One lies. The Dark One tricks”. This episode does a perfect job at re-establishing Rumple as a true villain and a schemer to be reckoned with.

36. The Snow Queen - 4x07. Quite possibly the most heartbreaking villain backstory the show has ever had, plus riveting scenes between Elizabeth Mitchell and Jennifer Morrison.

37. Smash the Mirror - 4x08. It’s overlong and the Regina and Robin subplot is complete bullshit, but everything else in both the past and present is golden. The 4A arc peaked here.

38. Shattered Sight - 4x10. The boffo comedy in this episode is cringe-inducing, but all of the serious, emotional stuff centered around the Snow Queen and her family gets me every time.

39. Poor Unfortunate Soul - 4x15. Ursula’s backstory is kind of iffy, but the effect it has on Hook and his development here is really good, as are the villains and August’s return.

40. Sympathy for the De Vil - 4x18. “Evil isn’t born, it’s made”...except in this case, where it is 100% born and takes us on a twisted tale that could pass for a good Twilight Zone episode.

41. The Broken Kingdom - 5x04. The twist of the glorious kingdom of Camelot being a kingdom literally built on sand, and its monarch a disturbed megalomaniac, is a great one. Plus, Snow and Charming actually get do something heroic after a long period of inactivity!

42. Nimue - 5x07. The actors portraying Merlin and Nimue really sell the doomed epic romance between the two, as we get the most far-back flashback in the show’s entire run.

43. Labor of Love - 5x13. This episode can be summed up as “The Nevengers are back.” That alone counters the disappointment of how blandly Hercules and Megara are portrayed.

44. The Brothers Jones - 5x15. A touching tale of brotherhood, good intentions gone wrong, self-loathing and forgiveness, plus giving Hook closure with his big brother. I just love it.

45. Firebird - 5x20. The flashback is utter tripe, but the escalation in the present-day story, the performances, and Captain Swan’s True Love test makes this episode well worth it.

46. Last Rites - 5x21. Aside from that moment with Robin, this episode is awesome, especially the Underworld scenes with the duo I never knew I wanted: Hook and Arthur.

47. The Other Shoe - 6x03. This episode embodies what the show SHOULD have become: a more light-hearted series with adventures-of-the-day starring Emma, Hook and Henry.

48. A Wondrous Place - 6x15. Hook sails on Captain Nemo’s sub, the Nautilus, alongside Aladdin and Jasmine, meeting up with Ariel and facing down Jafar. Only on this show, people!

49. The Song in Your Heart - 6x20. Because really, who doesn’t love a Musical Episode? This one centering around Emma and her marriage to Hook makes it all the more special.

50. The Final Battle - 6x21 / 22. It’s got a LOT of problems, but the ending it reaches is truly one that fits the show, and we would have been better off if ABC hadn’t renewed it afterward.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

The Price of Gold - 1x04. Rumpelstiltskin’s first showcase episode, and he’s terrifying in it.

Dreamy - 1x14. Screw the haters, I really liked this episode! It was hilarious and sweet.

The Crocodile - 2x04. Our introduction to Killian Jones / Captain Hook. It’s a good one, and I’d have liked it better had Rumple’s role in both the past and present not been so disturbing.

Save Henry - 3x09. A tad anti-climactic and the Regina focus was misaimed, but still good.

New York City Serenade - 3x12. A damn fine start to a new beginning for the show.

Rocky Road - 4x03. Elsa and the Snow Queen are both fantastic characters, both shown well here. It’s held back by the introduction of Will Scarlet, who ended up being a waste.

Darkness on the Edge of Town - 4x12. This episode gives us the visual of villains on a road trip stopping at a drive-thru. You just gotta love that! Also, the Chernabog was awesome.

Operation Mongoose - 4x21 / 22. Despite Isaac’s (and by extension, A&E’s) terrible writing, the weird situations and performances from the actors makes this an entertaining finale.

Siege Perilous - 5x03. A good old-fashioned Camelot adventure is just what I wanted.

The Bear King - 5x09. Again, screw the haters. The show needed more episodes like this, a standalone where the plot takes a pause and the side characters are allowed to develop.

Broken Heart - 5x10. The present-day plot is absolute crap, but the flashback in Camelot is really well executed, and Colin O’Donoghue is clearly having a blast playing Dark Hook.

Souls of the Departed - 5x12. Not ideal for the 100th episode, but a good start to the Underworld arc, with a lot of familiar faces returning and a great new villain introduced.

Devil's Due - 5x14. Despite her fate in this episode, it’s great to see the writers presenting Milah more sympathetically than she was before, and Hades continues to be a delight.

Our Decay - 5x16. The first episode where Zelena feels truly human instead of the cartoonish psychopath she was before, with her and Hades’ romance being legit touching.

Sisters - 5x19. While I don’t much care for the subplot with Prince James, the main plot featuring the reconciliation between Cora, Regina and Zelena is great and beautifully acted.

Strange Case - 6x04. Oh, Mr. Hyde, you left us way too soon. The episode is sadly weighed down by Rumple’s textbook abuse toward Belle, which we now know is never truly punished.

Dark Waters - 6x06. A good bonding episode between Hook and Henry, plus a great new character from the Land of Untold Stories who is actually faithful to his source material!

Heartless - 6x07. For once, Lana Parilla actually gives us an old-school Evil Queen performance, where she’s scary and truly malevolent rather than campy and over-the-top.

Mother's Little Helper - 6x16. I really like the Dark Realm, and wish that more was done with it. The reunion between long-time rivals Hook and Blackbeard is also a lot of fun.

The Black Fairy - 6x19. The retcon that Rumple was born a Savior is ridiculous, but the titular Black Fairy’s backstory actually makes her an interesting character for the first time.

A Pirate's Life - 7x02. It was nice to see Emma again, and even better to see that the Hook in this arc is actually Wish!Hook rather than the original, who is still living happily with Emma.

The Girl in the Tower - 7x14. Robin and Alice are beyond precious as a couple in both the past and the present, finally washing away the bad taste left behind by “Ruby Slippers”.

The Guardian - 7x18. It may have been late in coming, but Rumple / Weaver actually becomes interesting here as we get to explore his relationship with his newfound friends.

Homecoming - 7x21. It’s good to see several old characters again, and even better to see all the loose threads from that abominable Season 6 Wish Realm two-parter finally addressed.

Leaving Storybrooke - 7x22. Except for Rumple’s end, most of what happens following Snow and Charming’s appearance is utter shit. But.....at least the show is finally over!

#Once Upon a Time #ABC #Opinion

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wolf-haten · 6 years

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On the recent updates

Screenshots to accompany later as we’re having some issues with the tumblr phone application.

1) Message bug - Positive change. The only complaint we have is that this has been a known bug for years. Staff knew a very terrible work around that involved guessing the ID of the message that was unread, which they passed to users having the problem. This should have been fixed 4 or more years ago.

2) Guides forum - Positive change. This helps a little with our complaint that there are too many stickied topics in the forums. It doesn’t entirely fix that particular problem and we still stand by our previous suggestions. This is a great addition for the simple fact that the topic about Premium subscriptions that we had mentioned in our original post about Karlos - and that was mentioned by Krasus/Gren - is now more obviously still available for viewing.

http://www.wolf-haven.com/Forum/Thread/22281

Don’t bother trying to delete it now, Karlos, we took screenshots.

3) Pack Renaming - Positive change, but still another “Why wasn’t this done years ago?”. We won’t harp on this too much going forward because a lot of these changes are going to be ones that should be have been done ages ago.

4) Deleting posts alert - Positive change. According to Meraki aka Laney in the comments of the newest news post, there is now a confirmation alert when you try to delete a post. Great. Quick question? Why wasn’t this in the news post, and why is a member of Art Staff having to put this in the comments? Is it really that hard for Jekyll to edit these news posts? I swear we’ll both scream at the top of our lungs if we find out that news posts can’t be edited after they’re posted on site. At this point we really shouldn’t be surprised if that were the case.

5) Mod applications opened - Oh, boy. We don’t discourage anyone from applying but we would ask that anyone interested keep in mind the things discussed on this blog from former staffers. Our suggestions for anyone that wants to be a mod while being aware of the problems presented are this -

Always stand up for yourself.

Don’t let Karlos, Jekyll or any staff member bully you into things you aren’t comfortable with. Your position as a staff member isn’t worth it. If you feel like disagreeing with something will mean you’ll be demoted, let them demote you. Stand up for yourself and your beliefs.

Always take screenshots.

If something happens or something is said that you feel is inappropriate or unprofessional, screenshot it. Not because we want more content, truthfully. Should anytime in the future you want to confront any of these dimwits about something that was said or done, you need to have proof. Even if you just want to share with others. Make sure you get proof. If you have solid evidence, no one can discount your experience.

This goes double for anything Jekyll says to you, because she apparently cannot remember anything she said two minutes prior. Show her proof it happened so she can’t act like it never did.

Don’t work yourself into the ground.

This especially goes for anyone who becomes a staff artist. You’re not being paid, this is a volunteer position. If you’re dealing with so much as a moderator that you feel stressed about it, you’re working too hard. If no one else on staff is helping you, there is a problem. Leave.

Karlos won’t help you.

It’s very evident from numerous accounts that Karlos, the owner of the website, won’t do jack shit for you. And from what we’ve seen, if it involves Jekyll, Fang won’t stand up for you either. This goes back to the first suggestion - Always stand up for yoursef.

Interesting note that two moderators - Kiev and Faren - have stepped down recently. Their profiles claim this is due to school and finals coming up in the next month and that they might return. This is fine, but we’re curious why they stepped down. In the past and honestly currently, inactive staff members is just a part of Wolf-Haven. We almost never see LunaLuna or Laomi online or actively moderating, but they’ve been steady staff members for years. Now the staff list is comprised majorly of staff members that are usually inactive, which is quite funny. We’re confused why Faren/Kiev didn’t stay on as staff as finals can’t really take up more than two months of inactivity. That’s really nothing compared to the records some staff members hold.

Karlos’s topic on Account Standings

http://www.wolf-haven.com/Forum/Thread/37036

This goes back to a post we made earlier calling Karlos a liar at his opening line -

“I've been messaged by a number of people who are unhappy with how the standing system is set up, the biggest issue seems to be that it's far too difficult to both get back to neutral from a negative standing as well as it being difficult to get a positive standing from either neutral or negative standing. These are fair complaints.” (Can you write a more annoying run-on sentence, might we add. Have you ever heard of commas? Or did you let Jekyll write this for you, Karl?)

Oh, no you have not be messaged by anyone. Except maybe your own staff as they linked you this blog, which you check daily. The only reason you’re bringing this up is because Sheri came and mentioned account standings in her submission, along with us touching on it. Don’t act like you’ve suddenly decided to listen to random users. You’ve got your pride hurt because there is a blog out there, that people actively are reading, that don’t buy your lazy brand of bullshit.

Oh, well. On to the topic contents itself.

1) Negative Standing showing on profiles - Positive change. This needed to happen when negative standing was first put into place. Outside of moderators happening to notice someone with a negative standing trying to sell things, users have no idea if the person they’re commissioning or buying a design from has a negative standing. We imagine this has led to many users being scammed by someone well known for scamming.

2) Negative Standing = Last Warning - Conflicted/confused change. We’re confused because we wonder why this wasn’t already the protocol for moderators. From what we understand, receiving a warning - not a verbal warning, but an actual warning issued by some kind of automation triggered by a moderator - should give a user a negative standing. Do moderators not issue bans already to users in this situation?

The other conflict we have is wondering if a user has a negative standing for art theft, if they are then banned because they did an entirely different rule breaking offense. If so, that’s a bit stupid way to do things. Most websites work on a step system in terms of discipline for rule breaking. Verbal Warning -> Official Warning -> Mute/Suspension -> Ban (set time) -> Ban (longer time/permanent). If you stole art and received a verbal warning, and did it again and got an official warning but then spammed the forums, you should receive a verbal warning for spam. Not a ban. Each offense has its own steps that are followed. This of course may change depending on the situation, and perhaps sometimes a ban would be warranted.

3) Negative Standings have a “cool down” - Positive/conflicted change. Conflicted only because there are no doubt some users that should have a negative standing for longer than the “cool down” period. This is situational and a moderator would need to make a case by case evaluation. No doubt Karlos will not think of this and will not code an override for moderators. We would suggest this on the topic but that would lead to Karlos discovering one - or both - of our identities. We know he reads this blog so he’ll probably see this! If you choose to ignore it, it’ll only be at the suffering of your website, and the buffering of your pride.

4) Negative Standing “cool down” periods are paused during bans/mutes - Positive change. Not much to say about this, it makes sense.

5) Commendations for users - Conflicted change. This goes back to what Sheri was talking about, that staff are too lazy &/or inactive to notice when users do things that should deserve positive standing. This is just Karlos coding the current the nomination topic into the site. This doesn’t fix the problem that roots with staff performance.

The other issue we have is how staff are supposed to validate these commendations. If someone is nominating another user for something they did and it wasn’t public, they could just be lying. Is staff expected to investigate these commendations and make sure they’re real? Do you really expect your staff to put time into that, when they won’t give out positive standings on their own?

6) Users who lose positive standing, will have perks revoked - Neutral change. Removing the profile icon makes sense, removing a custom only fit for a positive standing account we’re iffy on. Customs rules are such a asinine nightmare that something as simple as not having horns cut off in as many emotes, could be grounds to having a custom stripped. Custom rules desperately need to be revamped by someone who isn’t Jekyll before we’d be more on board with this. Removing customs that are very clearly not wolves is an entirely different matter. There are, however, many customs that bend the stupidest custom rules and are so minor that most users wouldn’t even realize it required a positive standing to upload. If this is supposed to be about not visually “promoting” these users anymore, this needs to be done with a great deal more scrutiny.

That’s really it. The positive changes are things that should have been dealt with years ago. They are so few we wonder if Karlos just coded a couple of things in five minutes so it looked like he was doing something. Some of these things are so minor they really should be included in a huge changelog of other small touchups that needed to be done. Alas, as we’ve said many times before, Karlos only cares about his public image. Not his website.

Oh, before we forget, Karlos! Did you know that if you spam click the “## Comments” link under each news post, it drops down several instances of the comments in succession? Maybe something you should consider fixing!

#wolf-haven #wolf haven #neonwolfgames #karlos #site updates

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bia-writes · 8 years

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Lovely Darkness

It was a lovely date. He gave you a blood-red rose when he picked you up from your house. He took you to a fancy restaurant that was lit by a thousand ivory candles. He was a perfect gentleman; peppering the conversation with complements and asking questions about your interests. There was a slight edge to his voice, but you waved it off as first-date jitters. After all, you were nervous too. This was the first date you had been on in years.

You were having such a wonderful time. A string quartet was playing soft music as you dined. You sipped expensive wine as you smiled at him, your eyes glittering in the candlelight. He reached out across the table and took your hand, a soft expression on his features. The waiters came by periodically, smiling brightly and greeting you two over and over. They were a bit too insistent, but you didn’t care. You were enjoying yourself too much.

“I can’t help but feel like we’ve met before,” he said, a swirl of emotion alighting his warm brown eyes.

You smile back at him, but you realize you feel the same. You don’t know how or when or where, but you do know that you’ve seen him before. Was he a friend of your ex, whom you haven’t seen in nearly half a decade? Maybe. Your ex had had a lot of friends. But then again, your ex had been a crazed cultist obsessed with summoning a demon from ‘the Nether’ with a bunch of hooded freaks. Yeah, you sure knew how to pick them. But this guy seemed nice and normal. There was no way he knew your ex.

You brushed off the feeling, assuring yourself that he hadn’t been in that room when you found out what your ex had been up to. After all, would anyone who had been there want to take you out on a date, especially after what you had done?

After dinner, he took your hand and guided you to his car, proclaiming that you and he were going to see a play in a local theater. Romantic horror, he called it. You didn’t see how the two could correlate, but you were willing to try anything once.

There was a huge poster for the play on the outside of the theater when you arrived. It was hauntingly beautiful, all shadows and blood-dipped roses and ghostly-white skulls. In a grey, flowy sort of script, it read ‘The Lovely Darkness.’ You couldn’t help but think that maybe you’d like this play after all. You followed him inside the theater, accepting his offer of popcorn with a smile. But when you found your seats, right in front of the stage, you realized something: there was no one else in the room. That was strange; maybe you were early? Maybe the play was supposed to be on a different night? He seemed just as concerned, if not more so, as you.

“That’s odd. Where is everyone?” he mumbled, his words echoing throughout the vast room despite their softness. Before you could suggest that you both leave, however, the lights went out, though there was just enough light to see the heavy curtains swing open.

Onstage, a simple set had been constructed: A ring of candles circled a person sitting in a chair. There was a bag over their head, but by what you could see of them, it was a man in a vaguely familiar suit. How was this going to become romantic? Perhaps his love interest was going to come save him? What was even going on?

You turned to look at your date, to quietly as him how he learned about this play, but to your amazement, he was gone. Maybe he went to the bathroom? He did have a lot to drink at dinner. But why wouldn’t he have said anything? That seemed a bit rude. Just as you were about to get up from your seat and go look for him, a muffled screaming came from the stage, jerking your attention back to the play.

The man tied to the chair was straining against the ropes, trying to scream through what you could only assume was a gag underneath his hood. You took a moment to appreciate his acting skills; he honestly sounded terrified. But no one came out onstage to help him, no other actor who was destined to be the hero. What was going to happen?

You blinked, then suddenly found yourself onstage, standing only feet from the man in the chair. How did you get here? You didn’t remember walking here. But now that you were this close, you noticed more details that had escaped your gaze from your seat. The candles lined up perfectly with a giant symbol painted on the ground, a symbol which you could have sworn you’ve seen before. In between you and the man in the chair, there was a long ceremonial knife, the blade coated in what looked like blood but was probably corn syrup and food coloring or something. There was also a huge chalice, the dark metal twisted into what looked like a skull and rose pattern, with thorn-covered vines creeping around the stem. It was filled with the same red liquid.

You admired the attention to detail the set crew had, but you knew you had to go back to your seat. After all, audience members didn’t belong onstage during a play! But just as you were turning to leave, the man started screaming again, thrashing against the all-too-real-looking ropes holding him to that chair. Against your better judgement, you reached up and quickly yanked off the hood covering his face. You had to know who was under that hood, consequences be damned.

It was him! Your date, wide-eyed and red-faced, was tied to the chair, a black rag secured around his mouth. He tried to force out some words, but the gag held them tight. You got the gist of what he was saying, though. You quickly picked at the knots in the rope that held him to the chair, freeing him easily enough. He ripped at the knot on the gag, shredding the fabric in his haste to get it off. As soon as he could speak, words started tumbling from his mouth in a flood of thank yous and babblings of needing to leave as soon as possible because something, something was coming for the both of you and you had to get out of there right now and get away from this place and –

He stopped.

You peered at him, concern and curiosity battling for dominance within you. What was wrong? Did he see someone? Was someone behind you?! Just as you were about to turn around and look for the mysterious person behind you that may or may not exist, it started. Cold, dark laughter fell from his lips, pulling your attention back to his face. His head was bent down; you couldn’t see his face, but you could see just how hard his shoulders were shaking with his vicious laughter.

Suddenly, he was standing in front of you, eyes closed but laughing just as hard. You hadn’t seen him stand up. What was going on? Why was he laughing? Why was your mind cutting out movements? Why had all but one of the candles been snuffed out? What was going on?!

His laughter became louder and darker, as if some force was taking over his voice and warping it, twisting it into something inhuman. Fear started to well up in your body, sending shivers down your spine and shakes to your hands. But that fear was nothing compared to the pure panic that flooded you when he finally opened his eyes.

They were solid black.

He wasn’t human, not anymore. Nothing human could have those eyes, or that laugh. Your knees started trembling, threatening to give out and send you tumbling to the floor. But somehow you managed to stay upright just long enough to hear him speak.

His voice was layered with darkness, steeped in shadows and bloody vows that went unspoken. Just the sound of it was enough to make you wish for your knees to give out completely. Maybe he would quit talking if only you couldn’t hear him.

“Did you miss me?” he asked, a vicious smile on his face. “I missed you, so very much. I’ve waited a long time to see you again. It’s been nearly five years since we last met.”

You couldn’t move. Why couldn’t you move?! All you wanted was to run, to run far away and never look back. But then his words caught up with you. Five years? Oh no. You finally realized why he looked so familiar, why you felt like you’d seen him before. It’s because he had been there.

He had been in that room when you discovered your ex’s secret. He hadn’t been under one of those dark hoods, though. No, he had been tied to a chair in the center of a ring of candles, just as he had been tonight. You had watched in horror as they had taken a knife and jabbed it between his ribs. You had met his eyes just as the light had left them. And you had heard his gurgling screams morph into the dark voice you were now hearing.

But you had blocked it out. You had convinced yourself it hadn’t been real. Now you realized that it was completely real, and now you were facing the consequences of your own inaction.

“I’ve been pushed aside for far too long. And then he had the gall to not invite me to his little adventure with you,” he said, staring down at you, his grin dying. “No more. Never again.”

He grabbed your wrists, yanking your hands up and pulling you in closer. “He promised he would let me back in! I’m tired of giving people a choice. But I suppose I can give you one last choice. Let’s see how far down this rabbit hole really goes. So go on; show me what you got. And maybe we’ll have a good date after all.”

A soft whine escaped your lips, but you managed to choke out a single word: freedom. You wanted out, you wanted to go home, you wanted to leave and never look back. But he didn’t seem to like that, not one bit.

“Why do we get to choose in life?” he asked, narrowing his soulless eyes, his grip on your wrists loosening.

Suddenly, you found yourself back in the restaurant, but everything was different. A single candle lit the table, demonic whispers echoing around you both instead of the music. You tried moving, but once again found yourself unable to so much as lift a finger. He sat across from you, his arms resting on the table.

“If dinner is what you want, then I can provide,” he offered, “and I can take you wherever you’d like to go.” His voice dropped, more of the demonic tones coming in as he added “I can especially take you to the places you don’t want to go.”

You tried so desperately to get up, to run, to move, to do anything but what you were doing, which was nothing. A soft whine managed to once again escape your throat, but he ignored it.

A blink, then you were back in the theater. He was further away this time, but he was still just as vile as before.

“It’s exciting, isn’t it?” he said with a gleeful darkness. “Knowing that there are endless possibilities waiting.” His voice lost its glee as he continued. “I’ve been waiting a long time for this, to have some quality time between us. There’s nothing you, or he, can do to stop me! And now that we’re here together, we can really get to know each other. You just need to let me in. That’s all. Just let me in. You’re never, ever going to escape me.”

A blink. Total darkness. Another. All the candles were lit once again. But this time, there were two chairs. There were two of him (or was it him?), one in each chair. You heard the demonic voice, though saw neither one of them move their lips. “Pick one. Pick who you think is the real one. Kill the other. It’s the only way you’re getting out of here.”

You look down at your hand. How did the knife get there? You looked back at the two of them. Their eyes were covered; their mouths were gagged. You had to make a choice, but how? You couldn’t kill anyone! You couldn’t even set a mouse trap, let alone kill a human! But you could see that you had no choice. If you wanted to save both yourself and him, you had to trust your gut and kill him.

With a sharp cry, you plunged the knife into the left one’s chest, watching in horror as a red stain began spreading from the base of the blade. You backpedaled, nearly running into the other one. The lights flickered back on, bathing the theater in a cold glow. You try your best to help the living one pull off the blindfold and the gag, though he ended up doing most of the work.

When you saw his eyes, you sobbed in relief. They were completely normal, a wonderfully human dark brown. He looked from you to the dead one in the chair then back to you, those human eyes wide with shock. Your knees finally decided they couldn’t take anymore, and you found yourself on the ground.

He pushed his feelings away, wrapping his arms around you in a comforting embrace, whispering “It’s ok. It’s ok,” over and over as you cried into his shoulder.

Sometime later, you found yourself in your apartment, on your couch. Your favorite blanket was pulled around your shoulders and a bowl of ice cream was in your hands. You hazily remembered a car ride back, barely recall heading up to your apartment, and just did not recollect sitting down at all. But that’s ok. Because now you feel safe. It’s all over, right?

He was sitting next to you, you realized. He kept apologizing, saying how awful that must have been for you and how he was so sorry that you had to kill someone. He didn’t even remember getting possessed! You tried to speak up, to tell him it was ok. If you had just stopped your ex way back when, none of this would have happened. He was the only one who was at fault for what had happened. But since your voice didn’t exactly want to work – must had been from all the crying – you chose to take a bite of your ice cream instead. Mmm, you had always loved chocolate. But when did you buy ice cream? You hadn’t had any before…

The light began to flicker wildly before the entire room was plunged into darkness. Your breathing sped up as a single candle flared into existence. You knew you didn’t own any candles. Dark laughter echoed from beside you.

“Looks like you made the wrong choice,” he laughed, putting an arm around you, pulling you into his side. You couldn’t move. A silent scream welled up in your chest, but you knew that you’d never be able to let it out.

“We’re going to be together. Forever.”

This was based on a skit by @markiplier, called A Date with Markiplier (not very original, but it was funny). I liked the Darkiplier ending, especially since it seemed to suggest that you and Dark knew each other somehow. A lot of the dialogue in this was taken directly, or almost directly, from the skit, so I don’t own any of that. I’ve been working on this all week, so I hope it turned out ok!

#demons #murder #darkness #maybe kidnapping?#markiplier #darkiplier #sorry if anyone is currently a hater of him #but I was already working on this #I put a lot of work into this #so I'm posting it #I don't give a fuck

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earlyninja · 8 years

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RE: Some thoughts (and advice) for EarlyNinja

Here is our message regarding the points highlighted by Mike Bithell (http://mikebithell.tumblr.com/post/156352150437/some-thoughts-and-advice-for-earlyninja). At this point, we believe that the last thing we can do to end this witch hunt is to be blunt and give the clearest answers possible.

You’re overestimating your service’s value to a dev. 15%. Really? You advertise this as half of competitor platforms. Let’s put aside that these platforms provide clients and hardware (your roadmap lists Q4 2017 as a hopeful date for a client, which seems optimistic, and will presumably not be as feature rich as GOG or Steam at launch). On a purely marketing level, do you honestly think you can bring a game on your service even 1% of the eyeballs of such a competitor?

Steam is not a competitor. Perhaps this wasn’t clear in the Kickstater campaign page. Developers will have both (or even more) streams of revenue, as we do not impose exclusivity. Do you really think that we’re arrogant enough to come up and stand against a giant like Steam? Steam is not our competitor, it is instead a driving force to strive for better. In this light, us charging 15% for the service is not an overestimation. Why would a developer discard an additional stream of revenue (with higher overall income) when they can also prove to the gaming community that they can abide to their own milestones? There is no need for us to mention developers that have not followed their own milestones... and it’s the consumer who pay that price.

I know, the sensei are where your value lies this is where, and I don’t wish to be rude, I worry that your team is unfamiliar with the existing games business. You’re describing someone who looks after a project and gives feedback to the team on how things are going externally. So a publisher side producer meets community manager. There’s a number of issues with that. First, experience. If I work with a publisher, I expect my producer to have experience and wisdom, having shipped a number of products. That’s an expensive person for you to hire (spoilers, you might get two for a year on this kickstarter amount, if you pay them very badly). Second, That producer is not someone I pay for, they are the publisher’s insurance on their investment in my game, and part of their running costs. Selling a producer to a game company as added value is like charging me for the plate in a restaurant: I accept that at least part of my bill goes towards crockery maintenance, but I sort of expect a plate regardless of if its being used as a selling point.

Senseis are not figures that replace a publisher. They have never been that. They are consultants that report information, mediate the conversation between EarlyNinja and the dev and provide project management consultancy when needed. Their formation is not covered in the Kickstarter and will not be until (if) successful funding, but rest assured that Senseis will be individuals highly proficient in project management and communication (there are people that actually hire people of this sort, we include this in our “absurd” 15%).

You’re using copyrighted materials and other people’s stuff to promote yourselves without permission you have grabbed a bunch of art from games you don’t own, and are using it in an attempt to get paid. I’d think you were being nefarious and picking on defenseless indies if I didn’t see Ubisoft IP on your mockups. That shows a lack of understanding on your part. No amount of caveats and small print about voting is going to make that legally or creatively ok. Stop it. I’ve seen devs tweeting you requests to stop using their stuff, your business will require good, trusting relationships with devs, this isn’t a good start.

We already released a blog post on this and we have nothing else to state in this regard. The only thing we can say is that all we wanted to do was to gather feedback from gamers, that’s it.

Ditto on youtubers you’re citing some pretty big names there… did you get permission? It’s considered a little rude to even use review quotes to sell a game without an OK first, but here you’re grabbing soundbites from two or three years back which on the surface look like endorsements. Youtubers are going to be a big part of your business, hell, they’re a big part of all our businesses now. Using their likenesses / avatars and logos without permission might not be a great idea.

We reported the quotes from YouTubers because they served as insipration for EarlyNinja's model. As above, we never wanted to hint that they endorse our model, rather the fact that early access is broken.

Holding milestone payments is one of those ideas that makes a lot of sense to a fan of games who’s never made one, and I suspect is the idea this was built around. Except it doesn’t achieve the outcomes you state. Crucially, milestone payments are front loaded, because in real game dev, the most important thing in the world (besides making something awesome) is steady cash flow. Even a month with no cash coming in can kill a team *gestures to every story about a studio shut down ever*.

Here is a passage from our internal documentation:

If a developer misses the delivery of a milestone that is equal to the double of the time set for the delivery of the same or if a developer does not meet two milestones (from the previous one, taking into account time shift requests), then players will be eligible for a refund.

The communication between developer and platform (Sensei): Our Sensei will periodically try to communicate with the developers to monitor their progress with the development. If developers are unavailable to communicate and do not reach back to the Sensei in a brief period of time (we are not talking about days…but not months either), then the Sensei can choose to put the game into “Zombie”

Games in Zombie Mode will be refundable and will be highlighted in the store for the inactivity of their developers. The refundable state is not reversible. The refundable state is therefore not automatically triggered and users can choose to keep the game in their library even it is in refundable state.

We did not think this level of detail was necessary in the Kickstarter page (which is long enough as it is), but apparently it is. This is not ransom. This is a system build to protect the consumer in case something goes wrong with the development, and we all know that gamers were scammed by early access developers. Sorry if a few messed up the whole. This simply prevents it and the same time allows a hard-working developer to stand out from the clutter of the market (can you do this in greenlight without any marketing activity?).

The point is that an individual developing a game is also an entrepreneur. It is true that EarlyNinja’s team does not have specific background in game development, but we can boast great successes in digital and media marketing (and a very vast knowledge as gamers). For this reason, we believe one of the reasons why EA has its issues is because there is great coding knowledge but limited resources and time. And this is where management skills can come in hand.

Milestones work pre-release and in private because there is room for both parties to work together, adjusting plans, so that a game actually comes out the other end. Publishers don’t generally use milestones as ransoms, because it’s in their best interest to get a game out at the budget planned for. Your system doesn’t encourage that, you are genuinely asking a studio to hand you the power to shut down their production immediately.

We are no publishers, but we aim to work closely to developers to ensure that their product has the maximum potential at launch. How do we do this? Through the Sensei.

Have you spoken to a lawyer about the contracts? No really, this is a big one. Your milestones are going to have to be maddeningly specific if you want to cut a project off from their cash, or you’re going to have to make the contract favor you so much as to be genuinely predatory. Assuming good faith and a genuine desire to treat devs well, you’re going to have to put together some massive contracts, and each dev is going to have to get quite a bit of legal aid to parse and commit to what you’re asking for. That’s going to cost them. Good news for industry lawyers though ;) … also consider the complexity of international deals.

All of our documentation is perfectly fine from the legal standpoint and we have dev contracts ready to be signed if you are interested. EDIT: to be clear, we are referring to the contracts that we would be signed from developers in case they’d want to join EN.

Is your price going up once you have a client? So, it’s 15% right now, and I give you steam keys. A bad deal for me, but let’s say I do it.. I think you’re worth that cost. I give 15% to you. Once you have your own client, your value to me goes up, because now you’re providing all those awesome services. Willing to commit to keeping at that price point?

Steam key integration is work in progress and there’s nothing to speak about, as it does not even pertain to our current funding goal. The price charged from EN will never vary in this respect.

None of this makes early access games better. Not even a little bit. Right now, shitty early access games are caught and mocked very, very quickly. They die on the vine because the PC community is a beautifully communicative lot. That’s good for consumers, because it’s genuinely tough to buy something without knowing it’s bad (and refunds can be sought if a game sucks.. a fact you kinda don’t mention anywhere). Projects fail or succeed quickly, and everyone moves on.

Yes, trash EA games are mocked and taken care of quite quickly, but that doesn’t mean gamers won’t be throwing their money in the toilet during their selling time. About the refund policy, EN’s refund policy is explained in the reply regarding milestones. The only way a user will ever get a full refund is when he requests it during the first 15 days from purchase. Out of curiosity... what are Steam’s refund policies?

I don’t think you’re bad people, you all look lovely in your team photo, but this idea seems riddled with misunderstandings about game production, and some ill thought out choices in terms of promotion. I’d encourage you to step back, readdress some of the core ideas that got you here, and relaunch with something badass that the development community and gamers can really get behind. Those of us who work hard to make great games (and occasionally succeed) will never shy away from a service that genuinely helps us to do so :)

Thank you for your kind words. We are looking for constructive feedback to help this project come to life. We believe in it and we’ve worked hard for it and we remain open to all suggestions. Feel free to reach out to us if you are interested in conversating with us.

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channelnewswire-blog · 6 years

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Another year on earth - Hard News - Public Address

Sometimes-- often, even-- grief is an ambush. You do not know what's in there up until you lose something, or someone. You do not know how the experience of loss will make you feel about yourself, or what to do about it.

It was chance that brought me back into the ambit of my old buddy Grant Fell and his wife Rachael at the end of 2017. Formally, Grant was clear of the brain tumours that had been the central reality of his life for three years, and I wanted to do a follow-up on an interview I 'd done with him for a prepared Audioculture post-- which itself had actually taken 2 or 3 efforts to carry out, as he shuttled in and out of healthcare facility. He wasn't addressing his phone or returning messages.

Eventually, I acquired Rachael, who informed me that problems from treatment had actually made Grant really ill, really rapidly. He was back in hospital and it wasn't great. I went and visited him, but we never did the follow-up interview. My old good friend was passing away.

I don't mean to pretend I was among the group of people, led by Rachael herself, who took care of Grant for every single day of those 3 years. I 'd just seen him sometimes. I think I did sense quite rapidly that it was time for me now to step up. One of the very first things I did was break the law.

Grant appeared to have actually benefited earlier in his cancer fight from the modest use of cannabis oil. It can be found in a syringe, handed down from another cancer patient who had passed away, but Rachael's mother had actually mistakenly thrown away the last of it when she cleaned up the fridge. Rachael and I discussed it and I stated I figured I could source some more.

The experience of doing so, and briefly going into the neighborhood where these things are shared, was humbling and interesting. As I composed later in a submission on the federal government's medicinal marijuana expense, it seemed to make a crucial difference to Grant

's final, valuable days. When Grant left us, we were fortunate to have Hilary Ord, a brilliant and knowledgeable celebrant, to lead the small group of pals entrusted with putting together a funeral service. She described to us what a funeral for somebody like Grant indicated-- it would not be a little affair. I was charged with rapidly raising some money. We didn't reveal the names of individuals who helped financially at the time, but I think it's appropriate to tape them here. The New Zealand Music Foundation, Tim Wood, Phantom Billstickers, the Music Managers Federation and Flying Nun Records, thank you.

At Rachael's demand, I likewise delivered the eulogy. That was a deep dig. I believe it was the very first time I've spoken some words of te reo Māori and not been simultaneously conscious that I was doing it: it was as if the words at the end merely streamed up through me. I nearly wasn't sure what had actually happened.

It wasn't practically Grant, however about everybody; the kids who satisfied all those years back, matured and did things. About how typically we did things since Grant decided they might be done and beckoned all of us in to the doing. I discussed it in interviews and in the Audioculture article-- and every time it made me assess the method he 'd altered my life.

It likewise made me think a lot about tribe and identity, about who all of us were and what was important to us. In specific, about my function in our tribe. Outside of the bonds of family, it seemed the most enduring duty I had.

Something it wasn't was a job. After 9 years of a minimum of 20 weeks annually of TELEVISION loan, I was obliged in 2018 to transform the whole thing. It wasn't simple and sometimes I questioned whether it was even possible. I have actually long been comfortable with the dangers of freelance life, but it was getting a lot harder. Each time editors are ordered to cut editorial budgets, the very first and simplest place to do that is self-employed costs. It was hard to get commissions and when I did, the word rate was barely better than it had remained in the 1990s.

We're house owners, so we are not bad. But with 2 adult handicapped children still in your home, we're not an inexpensive home to run. It's not an enjoyable feeling, burning through long-time cost savings just to keep things going. I wasn't depressed, however there was the odd despondent day. You simply keep pitching.

And all the time, things circled around back to Grant. I discussed him at the Taite Music Prize event, then did a little crisis PR the next day. I wrote the medicinal marijuana submission about him, then took a trip to Wellington to make an oral submission to the committee. I do not think I was launched up until the Headless Chickens played that big, psychological set in his name at The Other's Method festival.

There was also Public Address. I've been thinking about how much I utilized to do here and I genuinely don't understand how I had the bandwidth. Writing blog posts most days, moderating the sprawling discussions in the most intensive, in some cases mentally taxing, way. Trying to have brand-new concepts. And due to the fact that it typically wasn't a living, making a living somewhere else.

This is a quieter place than it utilized to be, for a range of factors. A new, more professional generation of digital publishers has emerged. The most immediate argument now occurs on social networks, and Twitter in particular. Likewise, I could not actually do it any more.

I've constantly been great at drawing a crowd; at tossing a celebration. A community had formed around Public Address and it brought me terrific new buddies. However when you're the host, you're accountable when the visitors-- some of whom had actually literally been together under my roofing system at different times-- begin fighting, it's not enjoyable. It feels like there has actually been a new, sharper, more polarised sort of argument abroad in the last few years that the site is ill-equipped to handle. That I am ill-equipped to handle. Perhaps it fits locations where nobody is actually accountable; where there is no host cleaning up the empties. In that sense, this being a quieter location has actually been an option.

I also feel less likely to basic commentary these days. I 'd rather compose about the things I have experience with and insight on. You primarily get drug policy, music, bike-riding, the occasional fact-check. Often this year, I've been too hectic worrying about not having writing work to simply write, and all at once aware that that's a dumb position to be in.

The entry of Press Client and its voluntary subscription platform has come a little late for any big strategies on my part, but I want to reveal my deepest appreciation to those of you who have actually contributed. It's a substantial motivation to keep going with this. I have actually started to treat it as not just support for the website, but support for what I perform in general. The majority of months, the $700 to $800 it generates has actually been an essential part of our household managing.

Happily, things enhanced in the latter part of the year and I'm fairly optimistic that I'll remain in a position to ask CactusLab to do some modest deal with the website. I'm not actually hiring new blog writers, however I want to clean the cruft of years, retire all our inactive individual bloggers to an emeritus section and maybe open a number of new topic blog sites for periodic contributors. I believe Access has been of worth because sense and I'm grateful to Hilary Stace in specific for her care and commitment to impairment concerns.

It hasn't been all bad. I've leared new skills and written some things I'm really pleased with. It was great to be totally vindicated on the "meth contamination" ordeal I blogged about two years earlier. I've really taken pleasure in working a couple of days lately at RNZ and it looks like that will continue in the new year. I'm hugely happy that my older ASD kid is working once again, with excellent people who like and appreciate him, at the excellent Cotto restaurant.

I have actually also been cheered and enriched more than ever by the music made by individuals around me. Blair Parkes, Tom Scott, Julia Deans, Tom Scott, Julian Dyne, Marlon Williams, Sandy Mill, Anthonie Tonnon and others, thank you. You make a distinction to us-- to me. And The Beths: guys, you would not think how lots of dishes and kitchen clean-ups your brilliant, bouyant album has helped with. I'm also personally pleased to have provided on what I composed this year after Golden Dawn closed-- about making your own areas. On Friday night, our final DJ night for the year at Point Chev's Cupid bar was great. It really seemed like we 'd done something. We'll be back there next year. Come see us.

I was happy that you all voted "compassion" as the Public Address Word of the Year. Do respect each other, and believe what kindness means in action. Have a great summertime and take pleasure in people and locations. Swim, ride, stroll. Request for aid if you require it, use assistance when it's needed. Be kind.

And next month, Grant's anniversary will occur, and that will be difficult for Rachael more than anybody else. I'll weep, yet once again, when I think of him. We'll all believe once again about who we are, where we have actually come from and what matters to us. We'll be another year in the world.

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