#another pity party

[life-winners-liveblog]

Watching Third Life- session 8

Part 10

Grian:... It's done. It's finally...done.

Scott: Grian... I could have never expected... are you ok

Grian: No, I am not, I feel absolutely terrible actually... I knew it would be horrible to re-experience everything including these last part... Especially this last part...but I didn't expect how fucking terrible I am feeling right now, It's even worse the second time, I didn't even think that was possible...

Pearl:... It's still weird to hear him swear-

Grian: Pearl, You have become one of my closest friends in this time we have spent together in the void and I care about you... but for goodness sake shut the fuck up.

Pearl: ... Grian

Grian: Ok, sorry that might have come out a bit aggressive... i am not very stable right now and I am feeling a lot.

LimL!Jimmy: ... Grian calm down! Aren't you a bit... Overreacting?

Pearl: Jimmy, everyone knows thats the last thing to say to someone who is mad-

Grian: Overreacting... OVERREACTING?!? I am Overreacting?!? Well why don't we do a tought experiment? Like the one you made me do earlier? Imagine I am your Grian, your fellow bad boy, your best friend you might say.

LimL!Jimmy: Grian I am so-

Grian: I SAID IMAGINE IT JIMMY.

LimL!Jimmy: O...k?

Grian: Now imagine punching me.

LimL!Jimmy: WHAT?!?

Grian: PUNCH ME AGAIN AND AGAIN UNTIL YOU FEEL MY BLOOD IN YOUR HANDS AND FACE AND CONTINUE HITTING ME AND IMAGINE YOUR GRIAN IN MY PLACE!

LimL!Jimmy: No! Why... why are you... I would never do that!

Grian: IMAGINE YOUR GRIAN AS YOU PUNCH HIM AGAIN AND AGAIN AND EVENTUALLY HE FALLS OVER AND YOU LOOK AT HIM AND HIS EYES ARE EMPTY AND GRAY! HOW WOULD THAT FEEL JIMMY? TELL ME HOW THAT WOULD FEEL AND WHY I AM OVERREACTING TELL ME JIM-

*Scott punches Grian*

Scott: I... didn't mean to do that I panicked... But you need to stop you are scaring Jimmy- Grian are you crying?

Grian: I... I ... How...would that feel Jimmy? ...tell...me ...

LimL!Jimmy: Grian... *looks scared and shocked*

Grian:.. I ... Jimmy I...am so so...sorry Jimmy... I didn't... mean to... I... I ... I have to go before hurt anyone else.

Scott: Wait no-

*Grian runs away*

...

Martyn:... Can I swear...

Scott:... sure...at this point you can do whatever..

Martyn: That was an absolute shitshow if I ever saw one.

LimL!Jimmy:... I didn't mean to say that...

Scott: That's true, you were a insensitive and Grian should be allowed to feel bad without it being undermined...but a reason is not a justification and Grian still had no right go to take it out on you that way Jimmy...

LimL!Jimmy:... This sucks...

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[thetwilightroadtonightfall]

I’ll ask the sun to shine away from you today so you can cry

Charis Ophiuchus Athan-Askr - A spunky and stalwart Keyblade Master. One of Scala ad Caelum’s beloved founders, and Master Ephemer’s guiding light. {he/him or she/her}

Disclaimer: I’m not following prompts, I’m just using this week as an excuse to give my OCs some extra love :)

[myatlantispoets]

I love how the Crown is supposed to humanize the royals but it just makes you hate them more

[natasha-in-space]

Hi Mia, I know I am an anonymous stranger asking you this so if you'd rather not answer feel free to delete

I wanted to ask, what was it like right after dropping out of college? What did you do afterwards?

It's no problem at all, anon! I've kinda talked about it in my tags from time to time, so it's not something I'm particularly ashamed of. (usually that is)

And, uh.... fair warning, this is gonna get kind of dark and probably a bit depressing. I do occasionally mention my experiences on here in passing, but I tend to not talk about them in depth. So... kind of a CW for talks of past child abuse (I don't go in depth but it's implied) and severe mental health issues.

So, thing is, I was kind of forced to drop out. Though it was still technically my choice. But, at the same time, I don't think I had much of a choice, if that makes sense. As a teen, I hated school, and while I was a what you would call a 'gifted kid', adored by teachers and envied by classmates, I didn't put much effort or passion into my studies. I did finish school with pretty good grades, though. Got into college. It was there when I actually started to enjoy the process of learning and education as a whole. I went from being a pretty good student to quite literally one of the best once I started actually putting in the effort to study instead of just winging it by as I did before that.

But I also started off my independent life when I was in college. It should have been a good thing. And it was a good thing. (You're gonna hear lots of contradicting statements here, and that's something I had to accept). I finally got out of the abusive environment I've spent my entire life in. But, thing is, I learned the hard way that just getting out is not enough to actually get better. Once I was out, finally safe and free to do whatever I want with no danger or restrictions, I paradoxically fell into the darkest mental space I've ever been in. Now that I'm older, I know that it's unfortunately normal for abuse survivors. But I didn't back then. I had no friends because I used to be an anxious, traumatized teenager with undiagnosed autism who had no idea how to socialize, nor did she really want to. And I never got to grow out of that, despite now being an adult, living on my own and making my own choices. Thus, came the consequences of my antisocial lifestyle up until that point. I had no one to talk to. No one to help me out with the groceries, studies, anything really. I was completely and utterly on my own, and before that, I thought that that's the way I want to be.

But I felt lost, lonely, and depressed. It got so bad that I would sometimes spend an entire day stuck in bed, not doing anything, including eating, brushing my teeth or changing clothes. Basically, depression in its clearest. Like I said, I didn't have a support system. I was on my own, and it's kind of my own fault that it got like this. Yes, I was hurt and traumatized, but I was also highly avoidant and distant from everyone, even those who genuinely had good intentions. I still deal with my avoidant attachment style up to this day, because I know it's not healthy.

I had the 'everyone will hurt me, no one will understand me, so I'm safest by myself' mentality. Don't do that. Isolating yourself like that will only make it worse. Had to learn that the hard way.

Long story short, I dropped out. I couldn't handle studying, and I needed help. I wasn't attending my classes, I had no motivation to even make myself food, much less study, and I lost all sense of hope for the future. Was I happy with my choice? No, I was heartbroken over it. I felt like a failure. I still do, honestly. Most people my age have at least one degree, some even more. They have friends and connections they've made in college. Experiences I never got to have, and probably never will, because I am not getting younger. Some have successful careers that I am amazed by. Some married and even had kids. Meanwhile, I'm still stuck figuring myself out, without much to my name. Because I never really got to grow up. It's hard not to feel like I'm missing out. But I try not to think about it.

I went into therapy, I slowly but surely have gotten better. It was a long process. I've stumbled and given up many times. Unpacking all of my trauma and how it effected me into adulthood was debilitating and painful. You have to deal with the fact that you were robbed of the chance to have a normal, happy life, and you can't do anything about it. There was some morbid comfort in thinking that 'there is something wrong with me'. It gave me a sense of control. If it's my fault I felt useless and unmotivated, then I could fix it. Even if I never actually did that. But accepting that all of this misery is actually a consequence of someone else's actions that have hurt you this deeply... it makes you feel helpless and angry. Like there is nothing you can do.

But it does get better. Doesn't get perfect. I still have bad days, and I still feel pretty lost in life, to be honest. I have no idea what I want to do. Nor do I have any plans for the future. But I do want to go to college one day. I love learning and I enjoy challenging my brain with new tasks to try and overcome. I would do that right now, if it wasn't as expensive as it is. I cannot afford higher education. I would risk it and take out a loan if I had confidence that I will be able to get a job and pay it off after getting my degree. But I don't. Because tons of folks with degrees cannot find a job for months on end, and I see how miserable it makes them. And I'd much rather have some stability in my life.

I got a job that I actually find joy in, though I don't think I'll be doing that for the rest of my life. I got a lovely circle of friends that I can rely on. I got a creative hobby there to keep me happy. It's not ideal, but I'm content with my life, and sometimes I'm even happy. I have no idea what the future will bring, but, honestly, I'd much rather focus on today and now.

I guess that's all to say that... dropping out is not always pretty and freeing. Then again, there's a difference between dropping out because you have no further intention to continue your studies, and dropping out due to circumstances out of your control. But it's not the end of the world. You stumble, you fall and you even regress, but you somehow get back up again. You find new things to do and enjoy. Life goes on. And it's still worth living for.

[bietrofastimoff23]

Aegon neglects Helaena after marriage and continues to call her sister, but when she dies, he calls her his wife and true queen, because although their marriage was not desirable and he was not an exemplary husband, he admits that their family is the best thing in his life, and he is grateful to her for what she gave him this.

[mossrotts]

Sketches from when we finished a CoS campaign! Sial!!! did.... not have a good time. I wanna line and color this, but I think that'll be after commissions and this month in general.

[tokyoteddywolf]

22 isn't very much at all, I think.

[libertys-lovers]

I’ve definitely been having a lot of blorbo dreams lately.

I think… I think I had three in a row?

—

1. Kara & I were at this kinda fancy 1-story house with a pool? I fell in the pool, swam & left it on the other side, and there was this club there?? Like, it was a competition where people drew and did performances based on their art or something? But I felt self-conscious because I did MS Paint art so I left… and also I had déjà vu from an older dream that said that place was evil, which is also a valid reason to leave. Anyways, I swam back in the pool, & pathetically crawled back into the house & in room where Kara was sitting on the couch? And he just had this comical expression of confusion on him. Like, he didn’t care his wife was drenched & was crawling on the floor like an injured bug. He was just baffled. And I told him, WHILE still crawling on the floor “if anyone comes looking for me, tell them I’m not here”, and he was just like “…okay-“.

2. I guess I really wanted to go to California for this one specific Starbucks. But I turned into Hawks at some point(??), and I almost forgot I was there for Starbucks until I flew over the Starbucks and I was like “shit! I should get that Starbucks!”. But the Starbucks only had like… juice and those protein cracker packs? Anyways, I then realized I could fly to Disneyland like that (Disneyland and I have some serious beef in my dreams), but I fucking wOKE UP BEFORE I GOT THERE-

And 3. I was with this group of people? And we were in what was supposed to be a “DHMIS Inspired Escape Room”. Except the room took place outside… and it was themed after a schoolyard or something… and a monster rabbit was involved… & I’m 90% sure we were supposed to actually die. Barely actually DHMIS themed, but I’m pretty sure I saw Red Guy at one point.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE TRUMP STFU?

There's a passage in Ernest Hemingway's novel The Sun Also Rises in which a character named Mike is asked how he went bankrupt. “Two ways,” he answers. “Gradually, then suddenly.”

We are seeing the truth of that with Trump.

Last night, in response to being indicted in New York, Trump made an angry speech, painting a a dark vision of the country and spewing a litany of conspiracy theories, some old and familiar and some new and really strange. Cheered on by MAGA celebrities, he went after President Biden, then criticized - at length and with specifics - the various prosecutors investigating him.

So much for heeding the judge’s warning to him in court that he must refrain from personally attacking those involved in the case - and their families.

“I never thought anything like this could happen in America, never thought it could happen. The only crime I have committed is to fearlessly defend our nation from those who seek to destroy it.”

He then launched into 30 minute conspiracy-filled rant so crazy even Fox cut away.

“From the beginning, the Democrats spied on my campaign. Remember that? They attacked me with an onslaught of fraudulent investigations.”

He riffed from his Greatest Hits.

Eforts to impeach him for his role inciting the violent January 6 attack on the Capitol is a “hoax.”

Withholding aid from Ukraine in an effort to extract political favors is a “hoax.”

He won the 2020 election and Biden benefitted from “millions of votes illegally stuffed into ballot boxes and all caught on government cameras.”

Biden benefitted from “collusion” between the Justice Department, FBI, and Facebook who conspired to suppress information about the “Hunter Biden laptop from hell.”

The country is “going to hell” under Biden with “raging crime statistics,” a “crippled” economy, and a military that has “now gone woke at the top levels.”

This is “the most embarrassing time in our country’s history, in my opinion,” and we are on the brink of “all-out nuclear World War III.” “We’re not very far away from it, believe it or not.”

The audience included many prominent lunatics, er, I man true believers, such as Kari Lake, Mike Lindell, and Marjorie Traitor Goon.

Lindell texted various news outlets, saying the indictment would boost Trump’s current re-election campaign. “It was great and this attack on our real President solidified him winning in 2024!” “We are getting rid of the electronic voting machines!!” “Everyone loves our real president Donald Trump … some just don’t know it yet!”

In his speech, Trump specifically went after Alvin Bragg, Jack Smith, Fani Willis, and Tish James. All of them are wildly corrupt and unfairly targeting him.

Trump started with Bragg. “He campaigned on the fact that he would get President Trump. … Before he knew anything about me. Didn’t know a thing about me. It’s an insult to our country as the world is already laughing at us for so many other reasons.”

Trump accused Fani Willis of “doing everything in her power to indict me over an absolutely perfect phone call. Nobody said, ‘Sir you shouldn’t say that.’ … or hung up in disgust.”

Trump also took aim at Jack Smith, dismissing him as “a radical left lunatic known as a bomb thrower,” suggested his name might be fake, and described the documents probe “the boxes hoax.”

He then did Smith a favor, admitting he took documents from the White House, but they were held in a “very secure storage room” and insisting he had “the right to declassify documents and the process is automatic.”

“The next thing I know, we were raided by many gun-toting FBI agents. Everybody was in shock.”

Trump also suggested Biden had similarly stowed away documents. “Joe Biden took massive amounts, more documents, even removed many boxes to Chinatown. You believe that?”

He also went on at length about New York AG Tish James, defending his business practices, and attacking James for vowing to go after him as she campaigned in 2018. “This is a persecution, not an investigation. She’s put our family through hell. It’s cost hundreds of millions of dollars to defend, but our heads are held very, very high.”

At this point, it seems clear that he wants the judge to issue a gag order so he can fundraise off “Look, I’m being oppressed!”

Prosecutors said in court they weren’t seeking a gag order in the case at this point, but asked for a protective order that would limit Trump’s ability to share evidence about his case due to recent public comments. The judge told the parties to work on such an order and come back to him.

It may not just be what happened in New York yesterday that sent Trumpty Dumpty tumbling off the wall into complete insanity. While we all paying attention to seeing him in court as a criminal defendant, there was another legal hearing in Washington D.C. that may have even greater portent.

The DC Circuit Court of Appeals declined Trump’s request to intervene on an emergency basis and block the imminent grand jury testimony of former Trump administration officials in Special Counsel Jack Smith’s investigation.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is very important.

Trump’s lawyers were in court to convince District Judge James Boasberg, to stay former chief district judge Howell’s order while they appealed. They lost that argument, resulting in the emergency appeal that they lost on yesterday.

This involves the required testimony to the grand jury by former chief of staff Mark Meadows, White House advisers Stephen Miller and Dan Scavino, former Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe, former national security adviser Robert O’Brien, and former Homeland Security acting secretary Ken Cuccinelli.

The three-judge panel that denied the emergency motion included Obama appointees Patricia Millett and Robert Wilkins and Trump appointee Greg Katsas.

Early reporting indicates Trump will not appeal this ruling to the Supreme Court.

In a sign of how quickly things are moving, Cuccinelli went before the grand jury Tuesday afternoon right after the appeals court decision.

Trump has lost his most plausible executive privilege claims. He is going to be indicted in D.C. on every single charge.

What was on display last night was a man who is desperate and terrified. This is a criminal who punched a teacher when he was six, was caught throwing rocks at a toddler in a playpen in the yard next door to his home at age ten, who has been a public criminal for the past 50 years, and who has always gotten off. He believed he was invulnerable.

What happens to a narcissist whose world starts falling apart around him, who is constantly presented with the facts of his total and complete failure?

You’re looking at it.

Justice Juan Merchan explicitly told Trump to his face in court: “Please refrain from making statements that are likely to incite violence or civil unrest ... making comments that have potential to incite violence, create civil unrest [or] jeopardize the state or well-being of any individuals.”

He also asked Trump not to engage in rhetoric that will “jeopardize the rule of law.”

Now we just need Judge Marchand to tell him to Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

[Thats Another Fine Mess]

[monsterbisexual]

i hate how i feel doing or not doing certain stuff for/because of the pain + fatigue since im a fat person :///

[snizx]

.

[whimsyprinx]

I think the worst part of it all so that I didn’t decide to like feel unlovable, i didn’t like get a say I’m feeling this way and no matter how hard I try it what other people say the feeling of being unloved persists

[starrynightsforever]

One final left for the semester. My third final this week and fifth exam in two weeks. I don’t think I have it in me.

[lady-ofmischief]

*

[minglana]

what kind of rancid vibes must i be giving off today that literally nobody is replying to my messages😐🤨

[thedevotionaltour]

all i want anymore is to work at a comic shop like the rest of my entire life truly for real so deeply meaningfully sincerely genuinely if i could even just have that it would be ok. everything would be ok. because at least im near comics. even if i can't make them.