#angsty supercorp

[natalievoncatte]

“Okay,” Alex said, “listen, prepare yourself. She’s acting… strange.”

Lena strode next to her, clenching her fists as if she could grip her own cold fury with them. The audacity of Danvers

(Alex)

to call her in like she was some employee after what Kara had done to her, was shocking. She would have told her to fuck right off if not for the desperation in her voice. She almost hung up on her when Alex said it was about Kryptonite, and they needed an expert.

Outside the exam room, Alex directed Lena’s attention to a screen. Some two-bit “villain” (how she hated that word) was on the screen. She wasn’t sure what he was going for with his outfit but he looked like a cross between a cable repairman and a wannabe Ghostbusters with a helmet that reminded her of the cap on a salt shaker. He was thrusting a wand device at Kara, spraying her with a fine pink mist.

Some of the substance had been gathered into a small vial, currently residing in a lead canister. Lena turned the vial in her hands, watching the tiny, powdery crystals flow over each other like sand.

Lena swallowed, hard.

“She’s not on a rampage, so it’s not red kryptonite.”

“It appears to be pink kryptonite,” said Lena.

“Your scientific skills of observation astound me,” said Alex. “Marie Curie would be so proud.”

Lena gave her a flat look.

“Fuck you, Danvers. I haven’t had a chance to say this to your face yet, but fuck you. Fuck all of you, playing your little games mocking me to my face when we were supposed to be friends.”

“We were friends,” said Alex.

“Not friends enough for Kara to tell me the truth.”

“I told her not to,” Alex said, coldly, “and I was right. Maybe I kept at her too long about it, but she ended up keeping the secret because she was afraid you’d flip out and blow up your whole friendship over it, you fucking drama queen.”

Lena screwed the lead canister shut. It looks like it was meant to hold radioactive flour.

“Do you want my help or not?”

“Please save her. I’m prepared to deal with your sanctimonious bullshit if you save my sister.”

“I’ll need to work on the sample, but I should examine her first. Is it safe?”

“She would never hurt you.”

Lena rolled her eyes. Alex stared at her flatly.

“You two, Jesus Christ. If you were anyone else I’d just call it out, but fuck it, let’s keep this professional.”

Lena crossed her arms. “Call what out?”

Alex arched a brow. “Should I start with the office full of flowers or the literal billion dollars you spent on her?”

Lena’s nostrils flared and she felt red creeping up her cheeks. “That wasn’t about her, that was about keeping Edge from owning his own media empire. Murdoch is bad enough.”

“It’s a fashion industry magazine,” said Alex, “and Edge could just start his own. The difference is Kara worked at CatCo, where you started working instead of…”

“Do you want my help or not?”

Lena huffed. “Fine. Let’s go.”

Alex opened the door. Kara was seated sideways on the exam table, swinging her feet like a bored child. There was a faint pinkish tinge to sparking points on her pale skin and she looked up with a slight pink gloss to the whites of her eyes, visible at a distance.

“Heyyyyyyyyy~”, said Kara.

Lena blinked.

“Kara? How are you feeling?”

Kara stared at her hands. “Why are you here? I thought you hated me now.”

Lena felt a sharp sting of regret deep in her chest, but brushed it off, like crumbs from her sleeve. It was as meaningless as crumbs. Kara’s honeyed words were always to sweeten her lies.

Kara resumed staring at her hands. “Humans call them fingers, but I’ve never seen them fing. Oh,” she giggled, wriggling her fingers, “there they go.”

“Kara?” said Lena.

“Oh, hi, I didn’t see you come in,” said Kara. “Some dude sprayed me with glitter and now I’m all funny.”

Alex leaned over. “We only got her in her by convincing her the Backstreet Boys were waiting inside and she spent three hours singing those stupid songs with Nia before I called you.”

Lena licked her lips. “Ah, I see. Kara?”

“Yeah, babe?”

Lena flinched. Babe? What?

“How are you feeling?”

“I feel great,” said Kara. “Kinda… kinda relaxed but excited. I’m excitalaxed! I made up a new word!”

“Would you excuse us a minute?” said Lena.

“Sure,” said Kara.

Lena stepped out and closed the door after Alex joined her.

“Alex,” said Lena.

“Lena,” said Alex.

“She’s high,” said Lena.

“I know,” Alex sighed.

“That’s incredibly dangerous. If she was just a dumb blonde we could let her sleep it off, but she can bench press an aircraft carrier. What if she gets some inane idea in her head and levels half the city?”

“She isn’t going to hurt anyone.”

“Didn’t she throw Cat Grant off a building the last time she was under the influence of something? It was on TV, Alex.”

Alex scowled. “That was different. Also she had it coming.”

Lena’s brows shot up.

“What? She was a bitch to my sister. She made her cry like three times a week. I don’t buy into that hardass girlboss mentor routine, I never liked Kara working for her. It was a relief when you bought the company, I had hopes someone would finally be looking out for her. She’s fragile, Lena.”

Lena blinked. “What?”

“Yeah, turns out that having your planet explode and losing your entire culture, family, and way of life, then losing your foster father, and then having to kill your aunt who is your mother’s twin sister can do a number on you. Might make you a little bit clingy and weird and paranoid about losing everyone you love. Shit, Lena, out of that whole list I just lost my dad and it was not make me a drunk for six years and captain of the varsity slut team. And I’m gay.”

Lena stared at her.

“Why does everyone I know need therapy?”

Kara chose that moment to throw the door open, making them both jump. She was grinning ear to ear.

“I don’t need therapy, I need rum,” said Kara. She turned to Lena and stage whispered, “alien rum that I can get drunk on.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Kiddo. Why won’t we go sit down and try to rest.”

Kara snapped her fingers. “I know what we can do! We can go clubbing! Come on, Lena, let’s go clubbing. If I go clubbing with you it’ll make Lena jealous.”

“We are so fucked,” Alex muttered.

Kara started forward, but Lena stepped in her path and pressed a hand to her chest.

She froze, staring open-mouthed at Lena. Lena could feel the muscles flexing under her palm and fingers, the nearly infinite strength pressed against her simple touch and yet yielding to it.

“Kara,” she said, softly, but firmly. “Let’s just go back in the room, okay? You’re intoxicated by the altered Kryptonite you’ve been exposed to and you’re not thinking straight.”

Kara looked her up and down, slowly. Lena felt a hot tingle pass through her and her legs quivered in her slacks. Kara’s eyes had gone dark and her chin dipped slightly and holy shit she was staring directly at Lena’s mouth.

Alex looked at her nervously.

“Lena,” Alex said, in warning.

“She won’t hurt me,” said Lena.

Brainy walked into the lab. “I have good news,” he said. “The half-life of this particular type of Kryptonite is very short, by my calculations it should only last a few… hours…” he trailed off, then added quickly. “I have business elsewhere, excuse me,” and fled the room.

Lena gave Kara a tentative push and the invincible Kryptonian stumbled back. Lena ended up guiding her into the room again and sat her down.

Alex began to follow.

“It’s fine,” said Lena.

“Are you sure?”

“She won’t hurt me. Close the door.”

Kara sat down and stared between her feet, fiddling with her hands.

Lena waited for the door to close and sat down next to her.

“Are you mad at me?” Kara whispered.

“Yes,” Lena murmured. “I’m so angry at you that it makes me want to scream.”

“Oh,” Kara said, her voice small.

Lena sighed. “I’ll never be mad enough to let anything happen to you, Kara.”

“But you’re mad.”

“I’m mad. I let you in, you didn’t do the same for me. I let you see who I am, good and bad, and you held back from me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“But you’re still mad.”

“Yeah,” Lena sighed.

Kara rubbed at her arms, sniffling.

Great, Lena thought, she’s coming down.

“Everybody changes,” said Kara. “Everybody goes away and leaves me. I’m so scared, Lena. I’m so scared of being alone. I was alone forever and ever in my pod and it hurt so much,” she choked out a little sob. “Everyone goes away and I can’t take it. I can’t stand it. I didn’t want you to go away so I lied to make you stay. I’m sorry.”

Lena, haltingly, put an arm around her. Kara leaned her head on Lena’s shoulder.

“Can I make it so you’re not mad at me anymore?”

Curious, Lena thought.

She wasn’t mad at all right now.

Kara began to sob softly, and suddenly, all at once, being mad didn’t make so much sense after all. She still felt it burning in her chest but it had gone from hot coals to dying embers, from raging magma to something bitter and sticky coating her lungs, making it hard to breathe.

“I think you can do anything if you try hard enough.”

Lean smoothed back her hair and curled the sleeve of her designer jacket around her hand and used it to dry the tears, and Kara hugged her, tightly but gently in her insistent way.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know, darling. Just relax and breathe, I promise it’ll be better soon.”

It was a funny thing, when Kara kissed her. It happened so naturally, so easily, that once it began, Lena was hardly aware how it started. It was not a lustful kiss, though she could feel that was there in the hungry way that Kara’s lips tugged at her own, almost pleading. Nor was it sad. It was hopeful, and it made something flare in her chest.

No, more than that. A crushing blast of warm air snuffed the dying embers of fury in her chest and in their place a new bonfire blazed into being, a sudden explosive joyful warmth that would blaze in her forever until the sun went out and the sky went cold. It was as if Kara had given her some red sun fire.

On instinct she lunged into the embrace and suddenly they were on the table, Kara swinging one leg lazily off the side as Lena straddled and locked lips with her.

"Oh God," Lena blurted, yanking back.

"What's wrong, baby?"

Lena almost fell off onto the floor when Kara called her that. She was sitting on Kara, panting.

"We can't," said Lena. "Kara, please, you're high as a kite."

Kara let out a soft, sad sound. Lena brushed her cheek softly. "It's okay. Just let me lay with you."

Kara shifted so Lena could join her, and they lay facing each other.

"I love you," Kara whispered. "You are my red sun, my scarlet sky, my beacon calling me back from the void."

Lena's breath caught. She tucked in close and kissed Kara on her nose.

"I'm tired," said Kara.

"Go to sleep," Lena whispered. “It'll be okay. I'll still love you tomorrow."

With a contented smile, Kara closed her eyes, looking so peaceful that Lena wanted nothing more than to watch over her.

When Alex came in and laid a blanket over them, she had the most frustrating grin on her face.

Lena decided she'd allow it.

[simauita]

Oblivious Kara and fully self-aware Lena is my favourite duo. And it works for so many tropes, too!

Fake dating? Sure, but Lena knows from the very beginning that this is gonna end badly for her but cannot say no to Kara, while Kara sees absolutely no problem with them holding hands & kissing because they are such good friends until one day she's like oh-oh I'm not ready for this to end.

Matchmaking au? Sure, but Lena as the matchmaker would feel her heart break but would push through because in the end all she really wants is for Kara to be happy, while Kara as the matchmaker would go all in trying to find a soulmate for her bestest friend in the world until she realizes how much she hates seeing Lena go on dates with other people.

S5 retelling? Sure, but Lena is fully aware of the real reason why she killed her brother and that's why Kara's betrayal broke her on the most fundamengal level, while Kara only knows she longs for her best friend to come back to her and doesn't understand why it hurts so much until suddenly she does.

Oblivious Kara and self-aware Lena my beloved.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Blue and Fire Engine Red #3

TW: reference/depiction of school shooting (no onscreen deaths)

---

Kara’s choice of bar proves to be the perfect opposite of the bright and open firehouse. Its dim ambience feels cozy, and the low light helps ground her, letting her release some of the bravado that fueled the sexually charged tit for tat she’s been firing towards Lena. She hopes tonight will be something more than that. 

Of course, that doesn’t keep Kara’s insides from positively melting when Lena walks in the door. She looks positively pedestrian out of uniform, in a loose muscle tank layered over a snug tank top, and her jeans even snugger. But her gaze glints when it finds Kara in the small two person booth towards the back. Kara’s chosen a relatively isolated corner– not to hide, but rather from a desire to not share the woman who slides in across from her.

“Glad you found the place okay,” Kara greets, grinning. 

“Yeah, you kind of forgot to mention that it was literally underground.” Lena wrinkles her nose when Kara’s grin widens puckishly. “Fink.”

Kara laughs. “Let’s just say it makes for a good conversation starter.”

An arch brow answers her. “So you bring girls here a lot then.”

“Uhhmm…”

Pink lips soon soften into a teasing grin. “Relax. I’m joking.”

Releasing a sigh, Kara lets her shoulders relax. Before she can say anything, a waiter appears to take their drink orders. 

“The first of a few, I hope,” the girl says brightly. She turns towards Lena first. “Your usual, Lena?”

Green eyes twinkle at Kara in the low light, clearly enjoying the way Kara’s mouth falls open. She’s been had.

“That would be lovely,” Lena returns. 

The server nods, then turns to Kara. “And what can I get you?” 

Kara tries not to frown. “Rum and coke,” she grumbles dejectedly. “And onion rings.”

“Excellent choice! Your drinks will be out momentarily, but the rings will take a few minutes. Is that okay?”

Lena nods, giving the girl a winning smile. “That’s totally fine, Jess,” she purrs. “We’ll be here for a while.”

Jess moves away to another table, leaving them to themselves. Kara glares at Lena, who shrugs with an abashed grin.

“I served with Jess’ brother.”

Ears pricking with interest, Kara leans forward. “Bartender?”

Lena blinks, then lifts an eyebrow. “Army.”

Kara’s eyes widen in surprise. “Oh! Wow, I didn’t even think… sorry. Medic?”

Lena nods with a hum.

“So if I talk to Jess’ brother, he’ll tell me about some daring rescue where you saved his life?”

Lena holds Kara’s light gaze for a long beat before looking down at her hands, folded on the table in front of her. “Not exactly.”

“Oh.” Kara’s stomach falls out from under her as she realizes the implication. Her cheeks start to burn. “Oh.”

There’s a long moment between them, and KAra is desperate to fill the silence.

“Thank you for your service—”

“Don’t,” Lena cuts in sharply. She takes a breath, only for it to huff out of her an instant later. “Can we talk about something else?”

Kara quickly nods. “Yeah, of course. I’m sorry–”

Jess returns then, delivering their drinks. Lena’s quiet murmur of “thanks” confirms how uncomfortable she is, and Kara kicks herself again and again for having wrecked the mood. The date has ground to a halt, she knows, and it’s her fault. Even so, she clings to hope when Lena tries to salvage the conversation.

“What about you?” Have you always wanted to be a cop?”

“Hah, well…” Kara gives a nervous smile. The short answer is no, not always. Long answer is… kinda dark, honestly.” 

To Kara’s surprise, Lena gives a dark chuckle. “Well aren’t we the pair,” she drawls. 

Kara feels some warmth creep back into her extremities. “I don’t mind talking about it though, if you don’t mind hearing it. If you’d rather not–”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with sharing is fine with me. It must be important if it led to you becoming a hero of law and order, so– I’d love to hear it. But no pressure.”

With a nod, Kara considers where to start. “Have you ever heard of Midvale High?” When Lena shakes her head, she continues. “Ten years ago there was a school shooting. Twenty-three students died. I was one of the survivors.”

Lena watches her solemnly, and though she seems content to simply listen, Kara lifts her hand to stave off any condolences or sympathy that might be heading her way. 

“It’s okay,” she promises. “I got all the therapy, and I got to a place I can comfortably talk about it. And you know, it was the usual story: kids are awful to one kid, kid gets depressed, then angry enough to do something about it. For us, that kid was Kenny Lee, and he was my best friend.”

That’s the most shocking part, for most people. Like she said, school shootings are tragically common, but rarely does anyone realize that the shooters might actually have a friend or two.

“Kenny was a good kid– quiet, smart… he just had the wrong combination of interests, or maybe he just had the wrong face. I don’t know. The others were just… cruel. And no one did anything about it. Until one day Kenny did.”

“Did he hurt you?” Lena asks quietly. 

Kara shakes her head. “No. No, he… he started in the cafeteria. I usually eat with Kenny, but he missed the first half of the day, so I ate in the bathroom that day.” She wasn’t well-liked either, so eating alone in the cafeteria always gave her enough anxiety to avoid the place.

“But I heard it. The gunfire… all that cement and linoleum… it echoes, you know? I bunkered down in the bathroom as best I could. When the shooting paused, I heard the police sirens. I thought… I didn’t know if they’d find me where I was, so when I thought it was safe, I crept into the hallway.”

Her heart had stopped when she’d recognized the back of Kenny’s head at the end of the hall. She’d gasped, and he’d whirled, lifting the weapon in his hands. When locked eyes, the rage in Kenny’s gaze had shocked her, but a moment later it gave way to apathy.

“Kara….”

“NCPD, put the gun down!”

The sound of a new voice startled them both. The rifle Kenny held jerked, and Kara’s whole body flinched. But Kenny didn’t put the gun down. 

“Y-you’re going to have to kill me,” he stuttered. Kara stared at him. He looked like her friend, but there were bloody footprints behind him, and his pants were spattered with blood and… brain matter, Kara realized in horror. Her best friend had stood over someone and shot them in the head.

Trembling, Kara’s gaze bounced between Kenny and the officer who had spoken. The officer was small, barely taller than Kara, but exuded calm authority even as Kenny hefted the gun higher against his shoulder. It was too heavy, Kara realized. He wasn’t used to the weight.

“We don’t want to do that,” the officer said. Her tone was cool and clear, traveling easily down the corridor. “My name’s Officer Grant. What’s yours?”

“K-Kenny,” he stammered. Sweat beaded and slid down his forehead. 

Officer Grant nodded. There was a shuffle of footsteps as more officers moved into a formation behind her. Kenny’s finger curled around the trigger, but Officer Grant lifted her hand to both put him at ease and to tell her people to hold off.

“I’m sure you have reasons for what’s happened today,” she said. “And I’m sure they feel like good ones. But no one else needs to get hurt today.”

“Yes they do!” Kenny snapped back into his rage, his features warping back into an unfamiliar mask. “He– he wasn’t there! I have to– he deserves–” His gaze locked on Kara, imploring her to understand. “He wasn’t there, Kara!”

Kara’s heart stopped. She knew exactly who he meant. Jake. The worst of them all. Kenny wanted– he was hunting. But there’d been so much gunfire already– how many people did Kenny hurt instead? Her vision wobbled, and for the first time she realized she was crying. 

“Everything feels so big right now,” Officer Grant continued. “I have a son, and his emotions get so big, he just doesn’t know what to do with it. This may have felt like the only way, Kenny, but it’s not.”

“B-but… I…” Kenny sounded small again.

“You still have decisions to make, Kenny. You’re making one now– you haven’t hurt Kara.”

Kenny looked at her, tears of his own streaming down his face. “She– she’s my–” He shook his head. “She doesn’t deserve to die.”

“There are a lot of other people who don’t deserve it either. A lot of families who don’t deserve to have dinner without their kids. Your parents don’t deserve to lose their son.”

His resolve wavers. He hitches the gun again, but from exhaustion rather than ire. “I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.”

“You can choose to put the gun down, Kenny,” Officer Grant pushed gently, sensing the ground she’s gained. To Kara’s surprise, the officer’s focus shifts to her for a pointed moment before returning to Kenny. “Kara doesn’t deserve to watch you die.”

Kara’s throat locked then. She stared at Kenny, desperate. “Please, Kenny,” she croaked. Kenny didn’t look at her. “Kenny, PLEASE!”

Her legs almost gave out when he looked at her, his despair palpable. Kara knew in that moment he’d planned to die that day; the alternative would be years in prison, maybe an entire lifetime. Kara didn’t know what she would choose either. 

After a long, tense moment, Kenny exhaled shakily before taking a step back. He knelt. Leaning forward, he’d slid the rifle across the floor away from him before interlocking his fingers behind his head. Before Kara could blink, officers swarmed Kenny, locking his handcuffs on his wrists and confiscating the rifle. 

Officer Grant, though, came to Kara. 

“Are you okay, Kara?”

An avalanche of sobs came crashing out of Kara, and Officer Grant opened her arms and held Kara as she crumbled.

“Officer Grant talked Kenny down,” Kara continues, blinking her way back to the low-lit bar. Lena waits on the other side of the booth, her features patient and calm. Kara offers a small, quiet smile. “She talked him down, by talking to him. Not as a monster, but as a person. Her compassion won out over his anger, and it saved lives.”

Lena reaches across the table, clasping Kara’s in hers. Her thumbs rub soft circles against Kara’s skin, further grounding her back in the present. “She inspired you.”

Kara turns her hand, letting her palm settle fully in Lena’s. “She did. A few years later, she was the one who gave me my badge. Literally. Her signature is on my graduation certificate.”

“I bet she remembered you.”

“She did,” Kara confirms. Then she snorts, dispelling the somber mood. “Not that it won me any favors. In fact, I was pretty sure she hated me right up until she pinned my badge on my chest.”

Lena laughs. “Oh, man, I could spend days telling you about basic. The worst.”

Kara squeezes the hand in hers, giving a genuine smile. “I look forward to it. But first…”

She pauses when she sees Jess heading towards them with a basket of food in her hands.

“Onion rings!”

[songstep4002]

I wish Supercorp shippers would treat James with more dignity. Like yes, I hate Lames as much as the next person. But that doesn't automatically make James the bad guy here. I'm fine with people writing Mon-El as the jackass who gets in the way of Supercorp, because he has always been a jackass. But James was a flawed and nuanced character who got mishandled by the writers, and every time someone bashes him unnecessarily or makes him out to be the villain, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

[rustingcat]

I often think about how lonely Kara must've felt in her first few years in NC.

Alex was probably busy with DEO stuff, especially at the start. Besides Winn, she didn't have any friends, and even he seemed more of a good work buddy before she showed him her powers.

Above that, she was constantly focused on represing herself, her powers, her time (to appease Cat), and basically everything about herself to seem normal and please everyone around her.

She was just drifting through life with no purpose, no aspirations, just trying to make herself as small as she could to fit in.

All she really wanted was to be seen and make a true connection.

[marinawolf]

Please Come Back (Supercorp)

by marinawolf

Lena Luthor villain arc with tragedy. Sad, angsty. Kinda painful tbh. (Trying out something new- I'm sorry.)

tw: death

As Lena stood frozen in her office, Lex's revelation echoed through her mind like a relentless scream.

"Kara Danvers is Supergirl."

The anger that surged within Lena was more than just a fiery blaze; it was a consuming inferno, tearing through her with a ferocity she had never known. It was a primal, gut-wrenching rage that threatened to consume her from the inside out. How could Kara, the person Lena had trusted above all others, the one she had poured her heart and soul into, deceive her so completely? Every memory they shared, every whispered secret, every stolen glance and lingering touch now felt like shards of glass slicing into Lena's heart.

Betrayal twisted like a knife in Lena's gut, a relentless, gnawing ache that refused to be ignored. She had let Kara in, allowed herself to believe in their connection, their bond, only to have it all ripped away in an instant.

Lena's fists clenched so tightly that her nails dug deep into her palms, drawing blood that went unnoticed.

And beneath the anger, beneath the seething fury that threatened to consume her whole, lay something even more agonizing: the crushing weight of her own foolishness.

She allowed herself to fall in love with Kara.

Lena had fallen for Kara, fallen so deeply and so irrevocably that it sometimes felt like she was drowning. She had trusted Kara with everything she had, given her heart without reservation, only to be repaid with deceit and betrayal.

Kara had played her for a fool, spinning her web of lies with practiced ease while Lena foolishly danced to her tune. And now, as the truth lay bare before her, Lena felt a cold, numbing emptiness settle over her. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes, but Lena refused to let them fall. She would not give Kara the satisfaction of her tears, of witnessing the devastation she had wrought.

In that moment, Lena felt as though she had been hollowed out, stripped bare of everything she once held dear.

Kara Danvers had torn her apart. She had shattered Lena's heart into a million irreparable pieces, and there was no going back.

Did Kara not trust her? Did she see Lena as nothing more than a Luthor, tainted by the sins of her family name?

Was that what Kara thought her to be? A villain, unworthy of trust or redemption? If that's how Kara saw her, then perhaps it was time Lena embraced that role fully. She had tried to rise above the shadow of her family's legacy, to prove herself worthy of Kara's faith and, someday, her love. But if Kara couldn't see past the Luthor name, then perhaps Lena should stop pretending to be anything other than what she was: a Luthor, tainted by blood and betrayal.

The bitterness of the realization tasted like poison on Lena's tongue. She had loved Kara, secretly, fiercely, with a devotion that bordered on obsession. And now, as she stood on the precipice of darkness, Lena's heartbreak threatened to consume her whole.

Every word, every touch, every stolen glance between them replayed in Lena's mind like a cruel mockery of what could never be. She had allowed herself to dream of a future with Kara, to imagine a life where they could be together. But those dreams lay shattered at Lena's feet.

What a fool.

If Kara saw her as a villain, then a villain she would be.

--

The soft click of the door opening drew Lena's attention to Kara breezing into her office. Lena's heart leapt at the sight, as it always did.

Dressed in a button-up shirt, her glasses hiding those piercing blue eyes, Kara brought with her the bashfulness and innocence that once brightened Lena's day. But now, every glance at Kara was a stab to her heart. She knew that beneath that facade lay a web of lies, woven with expert precision by Kara herself. How could Lena have been so blind, so foolish to trust someone who had manipulated her with such ease? How could she have missed the signs? How could she have failed to see the truth that was staring her right in the face?

But Lena knew the answer. It was because she wanted to believe in Kara. She had allowed herself to be lulled into a false sense of security, to fall in love, only to be betrayed in the cruelest of ways. And now, as Kara stood before her, Lena couldn't help but feel a pang of anger at the realization of how thoroughly she had been played.

Kara held a takeout bag in her hands, a small smile playing at her lips as she met Lena's gaze. She looked so beautiful it almost hurt, and Lena couldn't help but feel a pang of longing deep within her chest. For a moment, she allowed herself to imagine what could have been, if she hadn't learned the truth. They would settle on the couch in Lena's office, laughing and talking while eating the grossly unhealthy takeout that Kara would have surely brought. Lena would have been happy. Content.

But those thoughts were nothing more than a cruel fantasy. She couldn't allow herself to forget the lies, the deceit that had woven its way through every moment of their relationship. Kara was a liar, and Lena couldn't bear to look at her now without feeling like a fool.

This wasn't the Kara she thought she knew. This wasn't the friend she had trusted with her deepest secrets. This wasn't the woman she had stupidly fallen in love with. This was a stranger, wearing Kara's face like a mask, hiding the true extent of her deception behind a facade of innocence and charm. Lena wanted to applaud Kara's charade.

Now, there would be no lunch, no laughter, no friendship between them. Not when it had all been built on a foundation of lies. She couldn't keep up the pretense any longer.

"Supergirl," Lena's voice cut through the air like a blade, her tone sharp and cold. She watched as Kara's smile faltered

"Supergirl? Where?" Kara's attempt to deflect, to keep up the lie was almost laughable.

"Please. Stop lying to me," Lena whispered.

Panic flashed across Kara's face, her eyes wide with fear, and Lena felt a fleeting satisfaction.

"You've been lying to me since day one, Kara. You shattered every defense I ever had, and it was all a lie. Even after I confided in you about how everyone I ever cared about betrayed me, you still did this. Was it amusing? To play games with a Luthor? Because evidently, I'm not deserving of your honesty, of your trust."

As Kara reached out, her hand trembling, Lena recoiled. Oh how she once craved that touch.

"Lena, please. Let me explain."

"Explain what?" Lena's voice cracked with anguish, her eyes clouded with unshed tears. "That in your eyes, I'm just another villain to be manipulated? I understand, Kara. I've been nothing more than a fool to you."

"God, Lena. No. You mean everything to me." Kara's voice shook with emotion, and Lena wondered how much of it was an act. "At first, I wanted to protect you from that part of my life. And then, we got closer, so close, and I just didn't know how to tell you without destroying everything. I didn't want to lose you."

Lena refused to listen to Kara's excuses, refused to allow herself to be manipulated any longer.

"Stop this charade, Kara. You've been lying to me, mocking our friendship, even after I shared my deepest wounds with you. I never imagined you would betray me too."

As Kara stepped toward her, tears streaming down her face, Lena's heart hardened with resentment. Were her tears merely another performance in Kara's elaborate deception?

"Don't," Lena's voice trembled. "This friendship, us, it's over. You don't trust me. I'm just a Luthor, right? An evil, calculating Luthor. So be it."

Kara's tears fell like rain, but Lena remained unmoved by their false sincerity. "Lena, please. I'm so sorry. I never meant--"

"No, Kara. Just go. Please. I can't do this. I can't bear to look at you," Lena's voice trembled with the effort to hold back her tears as Kara turned and left, leaving Lena alone.

And finally, Lena allowed herself to cry.

---

two months later

Lena's footsteps echoed through the fortress, her heart pounding in her chest. She had one mission—to steal Myriad. It was a crucial component of Project Non Nocere, her collaboration with her brother, and she couldn't afford to fail. Despite the dangers of working with Lex, his vision made sense to her. At least he didn't deceive her, unlike others.

The promises of peace and control that Lex offered beckoned to Lena. The belief that humanity's flaws, their inclination toward deceit and manipulation, were at the root of all conflict made sense to Lena. In her eyes, people lied, schemed, and betrayed each other, perpetuating a cycle of suffering. She and Lex were in agreement on this fundamental truth. And she knew how to stop it.

As Lena approached her objective, she steeled herself for the confrontation she knew would come. Supergirl would undoubtedly arrive to stop her, but Lena was prepared. She had a plan to neutralize her adversary. And that is what Supergirl had become- her adversary.

When Kara finally appeared, confusion and hurt etched upon her face, Lena's resolve wavered for an instant but those eyes also fueled the fire of Lena's determination, pushing her to carry out her mission.

With trembling hands, Lena activated the trap she had meticulously prepared. The mechanism sprang to life, encasing Kara in a prison of kryptonite. Lena winced at the sight of Kara weakened, the pain of her actions a dagger in her soul. But she knew she had to see this through, for the greater good—or so she told herself. It still pained her to see Kara weakened, to be the cause of her suffering, but she knew it was necessary.

"Lena, why are you doing this?" Kara's voice, weakened by the kryptonite's effects, pierced through the air.

"Because I'm a villain, remember?"

A part of Lena wanted to rush to Kara's side, to gather her into her arms, but she steeled herself.

Another part of her wanted to leave Kara in that trap, as Lex had advised her to do- but she couldn't do that either. Despite everything, despite the betrayal, she couldn't bring herself to truly inflict harm upon Kara. So Lena deactivated the trap, allowing Supergirl to collapse to the floor, weakened but alive as she left the fortress.

--

Some time later, at the Mount Norquay Bunker

Lena stood next to Lex, poised to set their nefarious plan into motion when the DEO burst through the doors, led by Supergirl. Lena's heart leapt at the sight, despite everything. She couldn't stop her heart from reacting to Kara, no matter how hard she tried.

Lex's expression twisted in disbelief as he laid eyes on the seemingly invincible Supergirl. His shock quickly morphed into rage, his eyes blazing with fury as he directed his anger towards Lena.

"You couldn't even take care of her, sister?" Lex's voice dripped with scorn, his disappointment palpable.

"I couldn't do it," she confessed, her voice barely a whisper.

Before Lena could comprehend what was happening, Lex seized a kryptonite weapon, aiming it directly at her. Shock surged through Lena as she realized she was being used as a shield against Supergirl.

A cold chill swept through the bunker as Lex issued his chilling ultimatum. "Take another step, Supergirl, and I'll kill her," he threatened, his voice dripping with malice.

Supergirl froze, her hands raised in a gesture of surrender, her eyes pleading with Lex to release Lena. "Let her go, Lex. It's all over," she implored, her voice tinged with desperation.

But Lex's resolve remained unyielding. "It's not over until I say it is," he declared, his finger tightening on the trigger.

Lena closed her eyes, bracing herself for the inevitable, accepting her fate. She deserved this. But when she opened them, she was met with a sight that shattered her to the core.

Kara had intercepted the bullet meant for Lena, her body absorbing the deadly impact of the kryptonite. Time seemed to stand still as Kara collapsed to the ground, her chest pierced by the lethal projectile.

A strangled cry tore from Lena's throat as she watched Kara fall. She stumbled forward, reaching out to Kara as the DEO agents moved swiftly to apprehend Lex, their actions a blur of motion in the chaos.

Lex's laughter echoed through the bunker, a twisted symphony of triumph and madness. "Well, at least you weakened her, sister," he taunted Lena, his words like poison on her ears.

Lena's mind reeled as she knelt beside Kara's prone form, her hands trembling as she reached out to touch her. "What have I done?" she whispered, her voice choked with anguish and regret.

Tears streamed down Lena's cheeks as she cradled Kara's head in her lap, "I'm so sorry, Kara. I'm so sorry," she sobbed, her words a desperate plea for forgiveness.

Kara's hand weakly reached for Lena's face, her touch fading as her strength waned. "Lena," she whispered softly, her voice barely a whisper.

As Kara lay in Lena's arms, the light slowly fading from her eyes, Lena felt a surge of overwhelming guilt wash over her. She watched helplessly as the vibrant spark that had always defined Kara dimmed, replaced by the haunting shadow of death.

In that moment, as Kara's life slipped away before her very eyes, she realized with painful clarity how horribly she had treated Kara, how she had allowed her anger and bitterness to cloud her judgment, to blind her to the truth.

With aching regret, Lena wished she could turn back time, go back to that pivotal moment when Kara had offered her an apology, and accept it with open arms. She wished she could undo all the pain and betrayal, erase the choices that had led to this. Throughout everything, she had never once considered that she could lost Kara like this.

This was Kara, her Kara, the woman she loved more than anything in this world, and now she was losing her because of her own actions. How could she have let it come to this? How could she have been so blind, so stupidly angry?

It was as if Lena was finally snapping out of a trance, one fueled by anger and resentment, and now, faced with the devastating reality of Kara's imminent death, none of it meant anything. All she wanted was Kara back, safe and sound in her arms.

Through tear-streaked eyes, Lena leaned down and whispered those three words she had never dared to speak aloud before. "I love you," she confessed, her voice choked with emotion, her heart breaking with each syllable, "Please, please come back to me. I'm sorry."

But as Kara's life slipped away, Lena felt the crushing weight of her own guilt bear down upon her. She wished she could trade places with Kara, to undo the irreversible damage she had caused.

In that moment, as Kara drew her final breath, Lena wished she could die too, to escape the unbearable agony of her own making, to be reunited with the woman she had loved and lost.

She had nothing to live for anymore. And it was her own fault.

[swanqueensalad]

hi gays, you should watch demons & daughters on youtube now because of THIS lesbian teenage regency era slow burn childhood best friends love confession alone

[waytooinvested]

Forgotten, Not Forgiven - Prologue

Still reeling from finding out the truth herself, Lena suddenly finds herself in the midst of an odd role reversal in which she knows that Kara is Supergirl, but Kara no longer has any idea she has ever been more than an ordinary human.

And what’s more, Lena has no choice but to keep the truth from her for her own protection…

Also on AO3

Starts with a very short Lex perspective prologue, after which the rest will be Lena's POV.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Poor, sweet little Lena, always letting her feelings get in the way of what needed to be done.

When she had come storming into his hideout following his supposed death, full to the brim with righteous fury and clutching a gun in her hot little hand, there had admittedly been a moment when Lex had thought she would kill him.

But he was Lex Luthor, and at the end of the day, he would always be one step ahead of his younger, weaker sister.

He had shown her the truth hiding behind her little girlfriend’s gawky spectacles and shrinking violet demeanour, and it had distracted Lena long enough to let him slip away, while the gun stayed useless and unfired in her hands.

He had practically heard the sound of her heart snapping in two as he went.

It had been funny.

At first.

This big reveal was a long awaited and devastating move he had been looking forward to in the life long chess game that was their sibling relationship, and he had taken the time to savour it as Lena had come adrift from her former circle of friends. He had watched in glee as she pushed Supergirl away and threw herself instead into work, and solitude. He had been sure it was only a matter of time before the bitterness of betrayal worked its way like an antidote through her system and brought her back to his side where she belonged.

Lena would always be his lesser shadow of course, but she had her uses as a junior partner, and as a figurehead to give their work a positive credibility that, after all his bad press recently, he currently lacked.

Lex was a patient man.

He gave Lena nearly two months to have her little tantrum and come to heel, but to his immense annoyance, she still refused to do so.

After that, the fun of watching her suffer began to sour.

Lena was a Luthor after all, and that name still meant something. What was she doing trailing around looking woebegone over some stupid blonde alien? It was unseemly, distasteful, and worse, it was starting to affect her work. L-Corp stock had been down by 0.05% last week, and Lex was damned if he was going to allow Lena to drive HIS company into the ground while he was still breathing, whatever she might call it now.

No, Lena needed to be dealt with, and soon.

His first plan was simply to kill her – clean, efficient, and only fair given that Lena had tried to kill him not all that long ago, but that lacked a certain… je ne sais quoi.

Besides, it would give Supergirl the opportunity to swoop in and save her, which risked pushing them towards a reconciliation and wasting a perfectly good identity reveal.

No, he had a better idea. One that, if he could pull it off, would take care of both of his problems in a single stroke.

All he had to do was lay the perfect trap for Supergirl.

[poemsonmars]

you were taught to

use your powers for good.

that asking for help isn't

a sign of weakness,

but one of strength.

but i was taught that

the only time i am valued

is when i am so silent

i could be mistaken for the dead.

asking for help has at best

only ever been the equivalent

of asking for a shovel

and most people

still don't understand

why i wake up gasping for air.

some days i can still admire

the flowers that you bring me.

some nights all i can feel

is the dirt in my lungs.

-mars

[rainbow-rebellion]

Supercorptober Day 21: "Lavender"

Read on A03 instead

Lena stands in the hallway playing nervously with the key in her hands. A key she’s surprised she still has. She's stood in front of this exact door a hundred (a thousand?) times, used the key to let herself in at least a few dozen times, probably more - yet here she was, unable to force herself to turn the knob. She’s not really sure how long she stands there, but at some point, she finally takes a deep breath to steady herself, squares her shoulders, and lets herself into Kara’s apartment. 

It hurts more than she expected it to, being back here. The last time she was in this apartment Lena had come to tell Kara she was wrong about Non Nocere, to ask for forgiveness - and then ended up with Alex’s gun pointed at her head. It’s not exactly a fond memory. Before that, it had been nearly half a year, back when Lena still came over for movie nights and cuddles on the couch. Before Lena found out about Kara’s secret identity in the worst possible way and everything went to shit. 

And now Kara is gone. The apartment is quiet and achingly empty without the joyful sound of her laughter to fill it up. It’s been three days since Lena’s deranged half-brother sent Kara to the phantom zone - fucking Lex - and the super friends still have no idea how to rescue her. Lena’s not sure Kara would even want her here, with their friendship still on rocky terms, but she just needed something , some kind of connection, some reminder to keep her from giving up hope. 

The apartment hasn’t changed all that much from what Lena remembers, at least as far as she can tell. She walks slowly around the space, taking in all the details she’s seen so many times before, but that suddenly carry so much more weight now because the details are so uniquely Kara. The fluffy blankets on the couch. A blue coffee mug on the kitchen counter with a red supergirl logo and yellow writing that says “Have a SUPER day!” (a gift from Nia), and another mug next to it covered in a pattern of brightly colored donuts. The easel in the corner with some of Kara’s paintings propped against the legs and her box of painting supplies next to it. The assortment of different sized picture frames scattered throughout the spacious loft on various tables and shelves, filled with smiling photos of Kara’s family and friends. Lena stops short when she realizes the picture of her and Kara together is gone from the shelf where it used to sit. It shouldn’t surprise her, after all the hurt she caused, but it still stings - more than it should, considering Lena smashed her own framed picture of them with a whiskey glass. She squeezes her eyes shut and forces herself to swallow the lump forming in her throat. 

For whatever reason, Lena decides to wander past the partition into the space Kara uses as her bedroom, running her hand over the familiar blue and green patterned comforter on Kara’s bed. When she glances at the bedside table, she feels her heart stop. Kara didn’t get rid of the picture of her and Lena - it’s right there, on the table next to her bed. Right where she would see it every morning and every night. But why? Why would she want to look at that after everything? 

It’s all of a sudden too much for Lena, and she sinks down heavily on the edge of the bed. She can’t stop the hiccuping sob that claws its way out of her chest or the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes, so she grabs one of Kara’s pillows and squeezes it to her body as tight as she can. As she does, her nose tingles with the lingering scent of lavender and vanilla. Kara. Years of being best friends (years of being in love with her best friend), Lena knows that scent, one she used to breathe in and try to memorize every time she and Kara shared a hug or snuggled up on the couch together.

She’d give anything to hug Kara again. 

The sharp pang of her anguish cuts into her like a knife twisting in her stomach, and suddenly she feels like she is drowning under a tidal wave of emotions. She clutches desperately at Kara’s pillow and rocks herself back and forth, while she cries deep gasping sobs that feel like they are being ripped from her lungs. Her eyes burn from the hot tears that are now streaming relentlessly down her face, dripping onto the pillow and sliding down her neck to soak the collar of her shirt. Once again, she feels like her heart is being cracked open, but this, this is infinitely more painful. This isn’t just some fight between friends, this is her possibly losing Kara forever. She doesn’t think she can live with that possibility. 

“I’m so sorry Kara.” Lena chokes out between labored breaths. “I’m so so sorry. This is all my fault. I promise I’ll find a way to bring you home. I promise.” Her voice cracks on the last words, her throat so raw she can barely speak above a whisper. 

Lena cries until exhaustion wins out, until her body hurts as much as her heart, and she has no more tears left to cry. When her breathing finally returns to normal, she decides it’s time to pull herself together and go back to her own apartment. She can’t stay here any longer, it’s just too painful of a reminder of Kara’s absence, and Lena needs to be focused if she’s going to help the team find their missing friend. She breathes in one more deep breath of the lavender and vanilla scented pillow, trying to commit the smell to memory before she leaves. 

She’s about to walk out the door when she stops herself. She turns around and walks back to the couch, where she picks up one of the fluffy blankets Kara always keeps there. One they used to share, with popcorn, and chinese takeout, and hot chocolate, and stories about their respective days. One that still smells like Kara. She takes it with her so she can have just one little piece of Kara to hold onto, a reminder of what she used to have, of who she is still fighting for. 

———

When Lena gets back to her penthouse, she carefully removes the picture of her and Kara from the broken frame and puts it in a new one. She falls asleep with Kara’s blanket wrapped around her and the picture clutched to her chest. 

———

Lena returns to Kara’s loft a week later when the blanket finally loses its scent. Kara is still gone, and the apartment is still too quiet and lifeless. Lena’s heart still feels like it’s been hacked open by a dull axe.

She lets herself curl up on the couch for a moment, finding the other blanket she had left here last time and pulling it tightly around her, breathing in the familiar smell. She imagines Kara cozying up on the couch next to her, socked feet tucked under her legs, her head resting on Lena’s shoulder, blonde hair tickling her neck. She thinks about all the times she wished their cuddling would turn into something more, how she wished she could have had the courage to tell Kara how she felt. 

“Kara…” she pleads to the void. “Please come back Kara. I’m so sorry. For everything. I miss you so much.” 

“Please… I love you.”

The blanket is wet with tears when the whispered confession floats away into the silence of the empty apartment. 

———

Lena ends up staying at Kara’s apartment. She told herself it would be too painful, but it turns out her crippling misery was determined to follow her no matter where she went. So she surrenders, and just lets herself be surrounded by everything Kara. It hurts, but there are also happy memories here, ones Lena wants to hold close to her heart for as long as possible. 

———

Another week and a half drags by, and then by some miracle, the super friends are finally able to rescue Kara from the phantom zone (with help from Lena’s yellow sun grenades, which she is very proud of, as she should be). When Kara stumbles onto the ship and collapses into her sister’s arms, everyone can tell that she is physically and emotionally drained. There’s no time for pleasantries or conversation - Kara needs to be taken as quickly as possible to the med bay for a full exam and to get her onto a yellow sun bed so her body can begin to heal. 

It’s two full days later when Kara is finally recovered enough for the super friends to throw her a welcome back party at the Tower. Meanwhile, Lena’s anxiety is at an all-time high. Her and Kara’s friendship was in a shaky place when everything went down with Lex, and Lena doesn’t know if Kara blames her for what happened. She doesn’t know what Kara may have experienced in the phantom zone and how that might affect her. Trauma does strange things to people, Lena knows that from firsthand experience. Is Kara even the same person anymore? Will Kara still want Lena in her life? 

The first positive sign is that when Kara enters the common room to the sight of donuts, flowers, balloons, and her friends and family gathered around, her face immediately breaks out into a genuine Kara Danvers smile, all full of white teeth, dimples on display and eyes crinkling at the corners. She still seems a bit tired and perhaps a little more reserved than usual, but otherwise very much still herself, and everyone breathes a collective sigh of relief. 

Kara works her way around the room exchanging hugs, each team member expressing their joy at having her back, and Kara expressing her own joy and gratitude in return. Lena is the last one left, and she feels her heart flutter and her throat go dry when Kara’s eyes meet hers. The superhero nods her head towards Lena with a fond smile and her arms open wide, and it takes all of Lena’s willpower to force herself to walk when all she wants to do is run at full speed into Kara’s warm embrace. When their bodies finally meet and they melt into each other, everything feels right again. Like all the empty spaces in Lena’s heart are being filled back up and every ache and pain in her soul is being soothed by Kara’s presence. She’s home. She’s home. She’s finally home. 

“It’s only because you’re on the team that I’m here,” Kara murmurs in Lena’s ear. She squeezes her so tightly it almost hurts, but Lena just squeezes back as tightly as her own strength will allow her. She feels the tears sliding down her cheeks and takes a deep breath through her sniffles, trying her best to hold herself together. When Kara finally pulls back, she pauses for a moment, her hands drifting to Lena’s shoulders. She cocks her head to the side and looks at Lena with a soft smile on her face and a gentle question in her eyes. “Your scent… vanilla and lavender…?”

Lena knows exactly what she is asking, because Lena usually smells like her expensive perfume, or her coconut and hibiscus scented shampoo. And there are a thousand ways Lena wants to answer that question, a thousand things she wants to tell Kara that she can’t put into words just yet. So she tries to pour all her emotions into a single sentence, and hopes Kara understands. She bites her lip to stop it from quivering and gives a tiny shrug, before she answers in a small shaky voice. “I really missed you.” She ducks her head down and tries to swallow, her throat constricted with emotion. She gathers what courage she can to open herself up, to lift her head and make another confession, whispered so softly only Kara can hear her. “The only thing that kept me going was the hope that I would get to see you again.”

Kara is silent for a minute as she stares into Lena’s glassy green eyes, her own tear-brimmed blue eyes searching Lena’s face for some hidden truth. Lena wills her to find it, to see all the love Lena holds in her heart for her. She wills Kara to hear the way that same heart is currently hammering against her ribs, even while it feels like it's stuck in her throat. 

When it seems like Kara has found what she is looking for, she whispers back, her own voice cracking just a little. “I really missed you too.”

There’s a weight to the way Kara says it, the words feeling charged with hidden significance. Lena's thoughts go to the picture of them she found on Kara’s nightstand, and wonders - could she…?  Now it’s her turn to search Kara’s face for answers, and as she does, she finds herself looking into a longing gaze, blue eyes filled with overwhelming affection, and sparking with a sudden fire she’s never seen before. Kara moves her right hand from Lena’s shoulder to softly cup the side of her face, her thumb gently wiping away a tear from her cheek. Lena lets her eyes flutter closed for a second as she leans into the warm touch. There’s a moment between them, a low buzzing electric current connecting their bodies, air thick with anticipation, a silent conversation with their eyes. Kara's eyes flit to Lena's lips, nodding her head almost imperceptibly, and then she leans her body closer to Lena’s, drawing them both towards the inevitable. 

The collision course they are on is abruptly derailed by Alex, completely oblivious to the moment of intimacy she just interrupted. “Apologies from Kelly, she really wishes she could be here, but she had a full day of orientation at Social Services.”

Lena reluctantly steps back to allow the sisters to talk, but she can’t help noticing the way Kara's shoulders droop ever so slightly, and the look of disappointment on her face. A sentiment Lena definitely shares.

(What she doesn’t see is the way Alex glances between her and Kara, and the fleeting moment of realization in the older Danvers’ eyes, followed immediately by a quick flash of guilt, as she puts two and two together). 

The moment is over though. Conversation moves on, and everyone goes about their business as if nothing happened. And as far as everyone is concerned, nothing did happen - only Lena and Kara are privy to the wordless declarations that passed between them. 

But it did happen, and it gives Lena hope. More hope than she’s had in a long time. And she knows there are conversations to be had. Her and Kara need to talk about their fight, and how to trust each other again. Lena should probably explain why she was sleeping in Kara’s apartment. Clearly they need to discuss the feelings it seems they both have for each other, with actual words this time. (though perhaps some of those feelings could be expressed in other ways…)

She knows Kara will need to heal from the emotional and physical trauma of being in the phantom zone, and that alone could prove to be a difficult obstacle to overcome. There’s still a long road ahead of them, and most likely not an easy one. 

But for now, Kara is home, and that’s enough. 

[natalievoncatte]

Every part of Lena Luthor’s soul was screaming at her do not do this.

Yet there Kara Danvers

(Kara Zor-El, last daughter of the house of El, LIAR.)

stood, bedraggled and tear-tracked, hunched in Lena’s doorway like a tiny kitten begging her for food. Lena wondered how she did it, how she made herself so small and unassuming, pathetic even. It was more than a change of clothes and hair and ripping off her glasses. She truly changed, somehow.

Changed to deceive. Changed to mock, changed to take without giving, to make Lena a fool.

(it was a cruel thought, a green thought, a Lex thought)

“I’ve told you already, Kara. I don’t want you here. You’re a liar, you and all your little friends mocked me to my face and kept secrets behind my back.”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“I don’t believe you.”

That relentless sad puppy look of hers softened even further.

“Why?”

God above how Lena hated her. Hated her for daring to ask. Fuck you, that’s why.

(nothing hurts more than a question that has no answer)

“I hate you, that’s why.”

Kara swallowed hard, wringing her hands. She was dressed in her pajamas and had probably flown here, then landed and asked to come up like a normal person. Didn’t she see that was the problem?

“I don’t believe you.”

Lena threw up her hands. “Oh fuck off with that, Kara. You lost your favorite toy, get over it. I’m done with you. I moved on, you should too.”

“You let me in. I’ve seen the real you. You’re not vindictive. You’re not cruel. You’re a kind-hearted, selfless, compassionate person.”

“And you didn’t,” Lena snapped, moving to close the door. “You deceived me in the most fundamental way. You made me believe you cared for me and believed in me and saw the good in me. No one sees the fucking good in me, no one. No one did but you… and it was all a trick to keep an eye on the Luthor.”

“No, no, I didn’t-“

“You didn’t? Then why did you get James to spy on me? Why’d you question my motives? Why’d you keep lying to me after I proved myself over and over and over again? Because I was never good enough. It was never real.”

Kara rubbed her arms. “Do you really think I brought you into my circle of friends and held you in when you were sad and brought you to Thanksgiving and let you sleep over in my home to keep an eye on you?”

There was a heavy pause.

“That’s fucking insane,” Kara snarled.

Taken aback, Lena flinched, half at the profanity and half at the anger in Kara’s voice.

“I admit it,” her voice broke suddenly, “I can’t deny it. I can’t just dismiss how you feel, I get that, but I didn’t keep my secret from you because you were some kind of a project, Lena. I kept my secret because keeping it let me keep you. It was selfishness, pure and simple. I wanted my one friend who didn’t see me as a superhero. I wanted… I wanted what I always want, things I cannot have.”

There was such agony in her voice that it cut through Lena’s growing fury like a blade sinking into clay, stuck fast, hot in her chest.

“I knew I’d lose you to it eventually. I didn’t do it for you. I did it for me.”

Lena blinked a few times, feeling her resolve start to shake.

(another manipulation. she will do anything, say anything to get back in your good graces)

(to do what, Lex? to what end?)

“Say what you came here to say.”

“I kind of did, but I have one more thing to ask.”

“Then ask it.”

Kara swallowed. “I want to pretend.”

Lena’s brow arched.

“Pretend what?”

“Just pretend it’s like it was. For one night. Just give me one more night and I promise you I will never bother you again. You’ll never see me or Supergirl for the rest of your life.”

“You’re on TV every day.”

“I meant in person.”

“And stop talking about yourself like you’re two different people.”

Kara sniffed.

“Okay,” she muttered.

Lena stood there for what felt like an eternity, screaming at herself not to do this.

(do it, it’ll make it hurt more)

(me or her?)

Lena stepped aside.

Kara entered. She brushed at her eyes, adjusted her glasses, and walked into Lena’s expansive, cold, dark penthouse.

As soon as she did, it was as if the light came back. It felt warm again, seeing her standing there. Having her here, in her cute little pajamas with her braid over one shoulder, those big eyes open and hopeful.

Lena closed the door.

“What do… what do you want me to do? Us to do?”

“We could watch a movie, maybe get Chinese delivered. Have you eaten? I doubt you’ve eaten.”

Lena hadn’t, actually. She hadn’t eaten today and had eaten only scraps yesterday and only because Jess insisted.

Kara touched Lena’s side, a soft brush of fingers over her ribs, and winced.

“You’re starving yourself,” she murmured. “Oh, Lena.”

“Kara-“

She already had her phone out and was ordering. Of course Kara had Lena’s place still saved in DoorDash.

Lena grabbed her hand to stop her.

“My treat.”

Lena fetched her own phone and put in a quick order- of course she had all of Kara’s favorites saved and of course she almost sent them to Kara’s address instead of her own.

“I ordered.”

Lena looked down at herself, wondering why the hell she was doing this. She was still dressed for the lab, so she retreated to her bedroom.

When she opened the closet her eyes immediately went to the maroon Midvale High School sweatshirt hanging at the far end of the rack, where it had been defying her for months. She should have burned the god damn thing but every time she reached for it, her hand pulled back of its own accord.

Not today. She let it fall over her, oversized for her frame and too long, and changed from slacks to leggings and pumps to bare feet, her toes curling from the cold hardwood floors.

Kara had already taken up position on the couch and had put on one of her beloved movies, one they’d already watched together ten times and Kara had probably already seen ten times more. The Princess Bride.

It was a cheap ploy and Lena knew it.

It gouged at her anyway, leaving something raw in her chest. It ripped open every place she’d forced to herself to scab over, broke every stitch. She killed the lights, halfway out of tradition and halfway to make sure Kara didn’t see her fighting back the tears.

Neither of them spoke. They sat on opposite ends of of the couch. When the food arrived, Kara got up to get it from the driver and her absence was keen, the void she left behind ripping at Lena.

When she sat down again right next to her, Lena let her. She shoved a box of take out into Lena’s lap and insisted she eat. They ate in silence.

Kara’s heart wasn’t in it. She are aimlessly rather than shoving her food in her mouth and gobbling it all down in minutes as she usually did. She was pretending, hard.

Lena barely paid any attention to the movie. The food, normally seasoned and spiced to the point where she couldn’t stand it and ate only to please Kara, was bland and tasteless in her mouth.

Kara, haltingly and hesitantly, put her head on Lena’s shoulder, and winced when Lena’s shoulders hitched. Why the fuck was she doing this to herself?

The worst part was that it didn’t hurt. It felt like home. Even now after all she had done and all that Kara had done and said, feeling Kara’s sadness in her soft weight beside her was ripping her apart, the mad anger and rage swept aside by a torrent of grief she couldn’t hold back.

If she was going to pretend she might as well pretend. She put her arm around Kara and leaned into her, nuzzling her nose into Kara’s soft hair, wondering if her alleged best friend ever noticed that Lena’s favorite thing in the entire stupid fucked up world was a Kara Danvers hug and nothing was more precious to her than these times when she almost kissed the crown of Kara’s head.

How she ached.

The movie ended and Netflix began making suggestions.

“Kara,” Lena murmured. “Let’s go to sleep.”

“If we go to sleep the night will be over,” her voice was small, trembling.”

“I know, darling. Just let it be what it is.”

Kara nodded.

Lena’s pulse was pounding as she headed for the bedroom, wondering how Kara had never picked up on how decidedly unplatonic it was to fall asleep in each other’s arms. Neither spoke as they climbed into Lena’s California King, a bed big enough to drown in, sinking beneath a goose down comforter, Kara’s body heat like old coals from a campfire.

For a moment they lay apart, and then slowly came together in their usual way, Kara forming herself into a protective cocoon to shield Lena from… from everything. Morgan Edge, her brother, alien shotgun weddings, random nuts with a gun and a grudge, everything but the greatest threat, her worst enemy.

“I have to go in the morning,” Kara whispered, “so I better say this now. You are not a monster, Lena. I never wanted to ‘keep an eye on you’ other than to protect you and keep you safe. No matter what you do, I will never, ever give up believing in you, but if you want me gone, that’s what I have to do. I love you so much it hurts me. I can’t stand being apart from you but if that’s what you need from me that’s what I’ll give. I would do anything for you. If moving on is what you want…”

Kara took a ragged breath.

“As you wish.”

Lena felt something crack inside her. An image filled her mind: Kara. Kara with graying hair, walking away, walking off into the sunset like the hero she was, and with someone else… with a child between them, a future, a home…

“God damn you, Kara Danvers!” Lena snapped, shocked at the sound of her own voice. “God damn you for making me feel this way! Do you have any idea what you did to me? I can’t just turn it off, I can’t stop feeling.”

“This was a terrible idea,” Kara sighed. “I should have known better. I’m just hurting you more.”

Kara began pulling away.

Lena threw out her arms, locked her hands behind the neck of the most powerful being on the entire planet, and yanked. Hard.

Their lips came together in a crash. The force was all Lena’s, as Kara’s inhuman might yielded to her control. There were no words. Kara hesitated for a shocked moment before she kissed Lena back, looping her arms around Lena’s waist.

This was no stolen glance, no innuendo, no coy hint. When Lena kissed Kara she made as if to devour her, and was mounting her before she realized she was doing it. Kara yielded, she always yielded even when Lena pinned her wrists to the mattress and clamped her legs around Kara’s hips and ground on her like a horny teenager.

She kept expecting Kara to sputter, to push back… to be fucking straight, to be brutally honest about her intentions, but there was nothing straight in the way Kara shifted to grind against her, or the way she twisted her hands free and slid them under the soft Midvale High Sweatshirt and skimmed them over the bare skin of Lena’s back. There was no mistaking the intent of her kisses or the feral sound she made when the shedding of clothing began.

Lena must have shocked her at first, because when Kara recovered, she became a force of nature. Lena was quickly on her back and let out an excited yelp when Kara simply tore her leggings apart and bared her with a feral grin on her face before shedding her top with the same desperate energy.

When they came together, really came together, Lena was nearly overwhelmed. Kara was insatiable, relentless. Hokey cliches like “force of nature” were woefully inadequate.

She never ran out of stamina and she was gentle when needed and forceful when Lena wanted it, every stoke and motion and caress somehow perfect, and she sensed without needing to be told when Lena was ready to give rather than receive and yielded without a word.

They barely even had to talk, and when Lena was finally exhausted, Kara was there with kind touches and soft words and cared for her like the most precious thing in the world.

Lena fell asleep, deeply and soundly, and when she woke up with the sun on her skin and an empty bed she wondered if it was all an elaborate dream until she heard Kara humming halfway across the penthouse, grabbed the sweatshirt, and padded barefoot from the bedroom.

Kara was at the stove cooking breakfast and holding a spatula like a microphone, singing… a fucking Britney Spears song.

“I thought you were going to leave in the morning,” Lena sighed.

Kara froze.

“I’m glad you didn’t. I’d have to come get you.”

Kara turned to her with a billion watt smile.

“I was lying about leaving you alone.”

Lena walked over, arms around her waist, hugging herself. She cupped Lena’s chin with a hooked finger and the casual intimacy of it made Lena’s heart swell.

“I love you so much. I can’t breathe without you,” Kara whispered.

Lena took Kara’s wrist and guided her hand to cup her cheek, nuzzling against the soft skin of Kara’s palm.

“Stay?”

Kara nodded.

[obliviouskara]

Should I reread a supercorp fic OR start reading a completely different one? also, suggestions?

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Nuanced Foil Lena AU

Here's a prelude to some snippets I hope to post regarding Lena as a nuanced, layered foil to Kara and the Superfriends. Enjoy!

----

Losing Lena hurts. What hurts just as more is facing the first threat without her. Her absence is keenly felt, and nothing feels more unnatural to Kara than having to visit Lena to ask for help, rather than already have Lena in her corner.

She pauses for a moment in the sky outside Lena's office, shrouded by the overcast night. Lena is taking a rare break from sitting at her desk-- though at this hour she should be properly done with work. She stands out on her balcony with her back leaning against the rail, scrolling on her phone while pensively resting her cheek against the stemless wine glass in her hand. It's filled with water for once, and Kara can't help but gaze at the quiet moment.

As though sensing Kara's attention, Lena pulls her eyes from her phone and turns, scanning the sky around her. She doesn't spot Kara, but goes inside anyway. She doesn't lock the door behind her.

It's not an invitation, Kara knows that. Even so, she lands quietly on the balcony a few moments later, and softly steps inside.

"I thought I'd save myself the broken lock," Lena drawls, not looking up from her computer. She clicks through some open windows, her attention barely spared an ounce towards her visitor.

It's such a sharp contrast to the focus Lena has always given her, Kara can barely breathe through the pain in her chest. The worst of it all is the disinterest in Lena's voice. She would expect-- nay, prefer-- to hear ire, wrath, vehement reproach. Instead, she's faced with such indifference that it opens a new wound in Kara's heart.

"What can I do for you?"

Finally, Lena turns, rising to her full height as she casually folds her arms across her chest. One eyebrow lifts expectantly, but for once Kara has no idea what Lena is expecting, exactly. Another apology? Kara's actual purpose?

It leaves Kara feeling unmoored, and she relies on her Supergirl persona to pull her through. She inhales, expanding her chest and broadening her shoulders, while her fists settle on her hips in a familiar stance.

Kara hates herself for it.

"We need your help."

"Funny. That sounds more like an expectation than a request."

"Will you help us?"

"No."

Kara pauses, thrown by Lena's response. The word comes light but blunt, almost casual, as though there might be room to negotiate. Caught flatfooted, Kara's mind races again to identify what exactly Lena expects of her.

"Will you help us, please?"

Lena's lips twitch. "Cute. But I wasn't reminding you of your manners. I'm setting a boundary-- the advantage you've taken of our relationship ends here."

"What do you mean?"

"I hereby withdraw my unilateral support for Supergirl and your club of vigilantes." Lena sorts through the paper on her desk, finished with the conversation. "Whatever mess you've created this time, you're on your own."

"Lena..."

"Here's another riddle, while you puzzle out what the word no means-- what has two doors and an unwanted guest?"

Kara's chest clenches.

"Lena. Please."

"This office has two doors, Supergirl-- choose one."

[awaitingrain]

Added chapter 5 of ? lead me into your darkness Fic Summary: Kara and Lena finally find the courage to admit their feelings for each other and for the first time they get to explore what it means to fully be themselves around each other. Both Kara and Lena learn to accept a love they haven’t experienced before. For a while life is good. Until one day the unthinkable happens and Kara finds herself wandering through a world without meaning. After a decade of hurt hope finds its’ way back into Kara’s life. Things are not the way they used to be, but Kara is not ready to give up on her one true love. Read from start (AO3) | Continue with Chapter 5

[killerwizrd555]

I would've been sooooo unbearable if I was brave enough to go on Tumblr in middle school

[labellewolf13]