#and you know what. im older and i do understand.
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second verse of disloyal order is insane. 'painted dolls on the highway, truckstop stalls, lot lizard scales cool your nightlife moods, all the rookies leave your badge and your gun on the desk when you leave the room' just saying outright 'youll understand when youre older.'
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i think an underappreciated part of Being A “Functional Adult” is learning to appreciate something You Do Not Like, but a Loved One Does. it’s a skill you do need to work on, to listen to something You Do Not Care About, But They Do, but it is so, so worth it
#my friends are all like ‘you have such a good relationship with your relatives im jealous’#yeah its because even if I do not necessarily Enjoy a hobby i can still talk to them about it#like. just find the beauty in something#even if your first instinct is to hate it#do you know how much ive learned!! through family like this!! and learned to love??#i used to hate dogs. they were big and scary and gross#but i had a friend who was a dog trainer and i learned to appreciate them#i like dogs now!! i could never own one im too much of a pushover but i get why people like them!#i also used to not be interested in cars but i talked to someone who was into it and i went ‘oh that’s really cool!! im so glad you feel#comfortable enough to share something you love with me. im honored’#and i found out i do like cars! i appreciate parts of them because someone i love likes it enough to show it to me#it’s not!! about!!! me!!! its about what they love and why they love it!!#they love and a topic and they love you#it’s wonderful!#this DOES apply to kink btw.#but its mostly about hobbies and interests#this also makes you a much more tolerable person to be around#im not listening because i am kind i am kind because i listen!!#listening to people makes you understand them! it makes you appreciate the world around you more and hobbies you didnt think about#i wasn’t interested in quilting until i talked to my mother about it and found out why she loves it so much#its a labor of love and i wasnt thinking about it like that#this is also how older generations mostly made friends. they like you more#i thought i couldn’t care about warhammer but my brother loves it and i found parts of it i like! i hate horror games yet#i talk to people who do love horror. and find out why. it’s wildly interesting to talk about things you don’t think interest you#dont knock it till you try it but also dont knock it until you talk to someone who loves it#vent#(ish)
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local man haunts (me) open practise yet again more news at 11
#txt#what an experience#i didnt go alone this time which means shenanigans heightened by 20#and by that i mean we were by the glass drinking mate (that security thankfully let us bring in)#and ___ kept going (lifts mate up to the glass) quieres? to all the players that skated by#and i had to just go STOP THAT#and they went they dont want our mate hmph what do they know about mate and i went. well thats the thing. they dont 😭😭#theres was a bunch of kids next to me which meant a lot players over to our side and ekky trucked over#and knocked the glass w his stick on a driveby and scared the shit out of me I ALMOST DROPPED MY MATE he had this shit eating grin#maffhew also kept doing little toodle-loo waves at the kids behind him it was so cute 😭😭😭#but anyways i think its so funny ___ kept focusing on ekky too and i didnt realise why until they just drop the bombshell of#“they remind me of your brother” and i went “DONT FUCKING SAY THAT WHAT THE FUCK MAN DONT SAY SUCH SACRILEGE”#the rest of the convo was in spanish and i dont know how to like fully convey 🇦🇷 banter in eng but it roughly went#“no he does. he has the same dumb face when he starts shit (because he kept bodily bumping into boqy and forsy)#the same 'was that me? did i do that?' troublemaker face. hes a shit stirrer but never answers to it. hes sleazy in that way.#he has the same beard too dont you see it“#and then i promptly spent the whole time going god he is just like my older brother oh this is a horrifying revelation oh god#anyways they kept saying look at his dumb face look at it just like your brother the whole time in spanish when he crept near#and i had to go SHUT UP PLEASE HE CAN HEAR YOU to which they snorted and went you said its fine if we spoke spanish here theyre not gonna#understand us and i was like OKAY BUT IM SURE 11 YEARS HERE HES GONNA PICK UP#SOMETHING AND WE KEEP CURSING SO FOR MY SAKE CAN YOU SHUT UP#mikksy and schmidty were super playful with eo. tuomo ruutu kept messing w mikksy. and ekky was like a damn bumper car bumpin everyone#maffhew ofc was very dramatic when he couldnt get a goal in against knighter and he did the horse headshake in front of us#and i went “you can tell whos number 19 because hes the most dramatic person on the ice always”#ekky was super vocal i know he wanted to practise against the empty net but aj was practising tipins and he goes#MOVE OUT OF THE WAY. MOVE OUT OF THE WAY. and aj so confused just moves like ???#and ekky notches one in goes over to him and waves his glove at him to move#also dmen + lundy were practising on my side of the ice afterwards (lundy ekky uvis kuli. kuli was practising solo. lundy was feeding ekky#for some slapshots uvis got some passes in with them) and anyways i did not fucking realise swaggy was still out because i was so focused on#the dmen until he shot a puck straight at my face and like man i know its not personal but damn did it feel personal with the lookback
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community college is so funny because half of the teachers are like "For this class you need to use lockdown browser for all quizzes and tests. You need to buy this 70 dollar textbook, and all papers turned in must be in APA format with a title page even if they're only 500 words long. I will not accept late assignments. Also you have a minimum of 4 assignments a week." and the other half are like "you don't need proctoring for the final exam I trust you. here's a download link to a pirated copy of the textbook. as long as your writing is coherent and demonstrates an understanding of the material I literally could not care less what format you use. I can't figure out how canvas works so I'm not giving you due dates, just make sure it's turned in before the grading period ends. your only weekly assignment is a forum post with a minimum of 100 words."
#my favorite teacher so far is still the film history professor I had in my first semester.#he was very old and didn't understand how canvas worked at all and sometimes had trouble opening a video file#but simultaneously he was tech literate enough to recommend we use firefox with an ad blocker#because whenever someone missed class and was like 'where do i go to find the movie' he'd be like 'use an ad blocker and google it'#he said the school made him stop emailing links to free movie sites because people would open them on chrome with no ad block#and there'd be borderline malware on them. like this guy gave me the impression he was like. a veteran movie pirate lol.#that class had barely any assignments. like there wasn't a final exam or anything.#he just wanted us to write a paragraph or so answering a few questions about the movies we watched. it was chill.#and i also learned a lot actually. like i didn't know what a nickelodeon was before then. or the Hays Code.#the movies were genuinely good. i never thought Id be that into old black and white movies or westerns for example but they actually slapped#some of them had really mature themes and i definitely started to understand the people on this website who are like#'if the only media you consume is children's media you should maybe branch out instead of calling steven universe problematic'#because a lot of the movies we watched depicted very 'problematic' things and were able to directly address them because they are for adults#(to clarify I didn't just like kids media before then. i just mean that it introduced me to some older stuff i didn't think I'd like)#(but i ended up liking a lot. it also made me realize that movies made today are kind of shit. which i also already knew)#(but it put it more into perspective because I have more to compare it to)#im rambling now. community college is pretty swag i enjoy it. and i do get along with the teachers who have crazy requirements too lol.
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Aww the side story of the barbie (not date) but from Shouta’s POV, this is the cutest by @cyanoscarlet
Alliance in Pink - Side Stories, First art
#They are cute your honor#I might make some sketches for clive and dion and terrace but that will have to wait a little#Dani punched me in the guts my hands are shaky (in a good way) 😭#Clive seeing them holding hands: HE IS HOLDING HAND WITH A GIRL!! He didn’t tell me he is on holding hands terms??#Dion: calm down ifrit im sure he knows what he is doing#Clive head in hands and devastated : you don’t understand *cry*#Jill will call the next day and ask Joshua to please talk to clive because he have been laying on the kitchen floor since he got back#Clive with the horrific mortified ordeal of kids growing up#If he hold hands now what next??? Kiss on the head?? Sharing a seat?? *gasp* does he know what that means??#[clive sees Jote kiss at the bus station]#*clive pass out*#This fic is about dion getting first seat at clive’s crisis of grasping the reality his little brother is older than 10#It doesn’t help both have the brain of a nugget#Terrance really saw clive and thought ‘he should be my husband’s friend’#joshua rosfield#dion lesage#sir terence#clive rosfield#jote#ffxvi#final fantasy xvi
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I hate to look at LinkedIn because as a platform it gives me the creeps while bringing out my inferiority complex, but out of curiosity since I know both WC and Man have very searchable accounts on there, I thought to compare both of their follower counts and they're almost exactly the same. They are both in the hundreds for followers and "connections" (whatever that is), followers outnumbering connections by about the same amount. Man has five more followers than WC. Five.
#wc if you grind you can pass him#not that they know#sorry i just. in the mental comparisons i do between ppl ive had feelings for in my life#in order to understand them and my feelings better... there are some things about them that seem a lot alike#although wc seems much less dangerous than Man for many reasons. so yay.#for them to be five followers apart is hilarious#Man is 9 years older than wc. but only five followers more popular#idk what to make of that#they're both pretty accomplished men fwiw 🙄😒#me im a substitute teacher#tales from diana
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i love my friends so much. i feel like yesterday i had a lot of shit going on in my head and i woke up to my friend explaining things in a way that put my mind at ease. i dont feel as anxious anymore because i know i was overthinking. i think my dad said it best when he told me that he thought my wonderful brain of mine just wants to think problems are bigger than they actually are. he is right! im just inexperienced in life and half of the time im scared im doing something wrong but- HEY. i need to be more confident in making mistakes. making mistakes doesn't define me as a person!! i need to stop worrying about doing life right and just live for the sake of living and doing what makes me happy!!!!!!!
#thank u blake. u really helped#also nessa!! thank u for that reblog about your perspective on my one post about feeling lost career wise#it helps me to know im not the only one living this life because holy fuck i can feel confused sometimes because.. am i doing this right?#and you know what? theres no correct path that i think there is but im just not good without a direct direction. it makes me a little#anxious about things#i dont know if its because i have some form of a disorder but i function better when i plan stuff out and give myself something to#decompress the problems and thoughts because in my brain theyre just all stuck and clumped together#and that can get a bit scary and overwhelming!!!#im just glad i have people that care about me. it means literally everything to me#so even if i dont 100% reply dont think i dont care because literally any ANY advice or kindness you show to me means the world#we're all just living this little life and we might as well make the best of it#people care..... thats just.... its good... it makes me feel less alone that people do#i love my friends so much#evennnn if we dont talk every day or are only mutuals in passing!!! it literally means a lot if people show me kindness#like holy shit!!! your older than me? and your dealing with a similar experience??? and your telling me that its okay??? and that itll be#okay?????#like#just the reassurance that things will be okay and work out and that im not the only one dealing with a feeling like mine#idk sometimes i just feel like im crazy and like my thoughts make no sense?? you know?? but yall get it#im glad that i have people who are older than me in my life cause yall have experienced stuff that i can use to be better#like your life experiences can help me in a way that can make a difference on my perspective on things#its why i like talking to my coworkers. because theyve seen things and done things i havent and their perspective can teach me potentially#i just dont feel so overwhelmed with life when i talk to people who understand#i feel so young and yet old enough to know but even the people who are older dont know so im sort of on the right track i suppose depending#on how you look at it#so- im just gonna live my life and smile because!!! you gotta.#you gotta surround yourself with people who can enrich you and teach you things for the better and make you want to grow#some of you are like that#you may not know that#but that kindness means so much
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i do think its kinda funny when i see someone in the year of our lord 2024 talk about vocal synth music like its all gone downhill since like 2010 because like dont get me wrong i love a good niconicodouga-ass 2008 ass vocaloid joint BUT also like. the past couple years have had the most fascinatingly creative and expressive uses of vocal synthesizers ive ever heard in my life DJFSKHJDFS dont write it all off just yet!!
#usually i only see that from people who havent actually listened to any vsynth music from the past 15 years so i understand why they got to#that conclusion. and also usually theyre people who didnt listen to much vsynth music in the first place LOL they just dont know#but it is still a little funny. brother there are things beyond your wildest dreams if u just look#like some personal highlights: the stuff by rinri - particularly their use of the meika girlies#dont carry our memories away is LIFECHANGING the whispers. the spoken parts. the BELTS#plus the haunting and unrelenting instrumentation. fantastic song#and naisho no pierced's propose + birthday + gift sort of trilogy of songs. gift especially has been unreal#again the dynamics of soft intimate whispers to belts but also those fuller high notes with edges of growlyness.#plus the songs just generally rock. and those LYRICS. absolutely intense like physically painful and frightening like#yearning and codependency and possession. and the tuning and production just amps it up more#OH and slave.v.v.r has been doing crazy things for even longer but i only started getting into his stuff recently and holy shit#love eater is like. the scariest vocaloid song ive ever heard not because of the lyrics. but because of the tuning#im like. scared. i cant stop listening to it. the heavy synthesized breathy main vocals and whispered harmonies plus the VOCAL FRY#i didnt realized vocaloid5? i think? has a vocal fry option built in i heard? thats crazy#but specifically in love eater the fry and growl is amped up so deep and loud and clear compared to everything else it like#emphasizes the artificiality of the voice while also amping up the expressiveness#its awesome. and on the older slave.v.v.r songs i heard i will hit you 8759632145 times with this piano. also so fucking cool#addicted to that song. 1) its a great jazzy rocky piano tune with this piano flourish at the end of each phrase that sounds fantastic#but also 2) the lyrics are insane. using kanji to write english??????#people are doing wild ass things with vocal synths rn you guys#this isnt even getting into some of the really unique synths themselves too. adachi rei is awesome i love that shes just like#the perfect inbetween of sample based and reconstruction based vocals. shes a sample based synth#but her samples were drawn by hand LOL shes like dectalks granddaughter to me.....#a really good use of adachi rei is iyowa's heat abnormal/heat anomaly/whatever its called ITS AWESOME thats what it is hjrkfdgfd#i think the fact that vocal synths can be so realistic and clean and noiseless out the gate now has made people really stop worrying#about like. realism all together and looking more into expressiveness. omg vocal synth modernist movement
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Yeah thing abt anxiety is you actually literally do have to grab your brain sometimes and go "Are you actually in danger?! Is this problem something we can actually fix now or is it a situation that is out of our control and therefore worrying about it actually does nothing?! Huh?!" And then force yourself to realize what situations your anxiety is ACTUALLY helpful and how to let go in situations where it isnt
Unfortunately this is not a skill that you get with a snap of your fingers, you literally have to TEACH yourself how to do it and it's painful.
Even more unfortunately rational people sitting outside of your anxiety are NOT AWARE that this is a literal skill you were basically born without and just tell you "calm down" without understanding YOU DON'T HAVE THE TOOLS TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT. If someone who was super good at weight lifting told me, a beginner at weights, to just "pick up a 50 pound dumbbell" I'D DIE, because I haven't trained to do that! I quite literally don't have the muscle or knowledge on proper techniques to do that without hurting myself, physically or emotionally!!!
So yes, sometimes you DO have to take the high road and just tell yourself "I do NOT need to worry about this" even though it feels stupid and useless because you still worry, but you also have to forgive yourself and understand you are learning! It won't be easy the first few times, and even when you get more used to self soothing and emotional regulation sometimes it's not linear and it's like your first day of lifting weights all over again!
I just think we as a society do need to understand that anxious disorders are both something we (anxious people) can NOT control without effort and therapy and that we (anxious people) need to realize sometimes we DO have to put in painful, uncomfortable work to manage it! It sucks but thats life, and it can get easier with the right support and whatever treatment looks like for you!
#idk as someone who had undiagnosed GAD for years i could never articulate why people's 'get over it' advice was useless#like i could not articulate I LITERALLY DONT HAVE THE TOOLS TO DO THAT!#but then a point came when i was older when I realized “shit i NEED to learn these tools instead of just saying I cant because of anxiety”#because while peoples advice was usless the idea i had in my head of “ill always be like this and cant change” did me bad#and hey my anxiety is different and other people may meed different support or treatments than i do#but to anyone who is very very scared of fscing this anxiety or feels like right now it DEFINES you#this post is for you. what im saying is yes it is tough work and yes you'll feel crazy#that's valid! don't let other people make you feel like you're failing because “it shouldn't be that hard”#it is hard! but also dont give yo because of that! discomfort is part of growth abd as much as you want to avoid it#i PROMISR when you get past that discomfort you come out more learned. more aware of yourself#you start feeling a little better#and better#and each step is like that#and it helps!#so hey my anxious siblings with debilitating anxiety. i see you. i hear you. i know its tough but I understand and i love you#text#idk posts abt mental health because i feel like we need to be honest and not toxicly positive abt recovering#its not super easy and that's fine we should acknowledge that
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hooohoooohoooooo i think i need to go back to therapy im starting to have Thoughts that im too stupid for again
#sometimes i really think id like to feel something without stopping to analyse whether its fair and logical in this particular situation#but then i see someone else do that and get so frustrated and annoyed because can you not SEE how its useless and unwarranted and illogical#which is bad! this is a bad reaction! which i am beating away with a stick obv but its still there and i hate it#i wasnt always like this is the thing and i feel like its actively getting worse which is what worries me#i realised some time ago i dont actually go to therapy to Get Better. that is not really my intention deep down.#i dont need the therapist to tell me why im like this because im actually very good at connecting those dots and i like doing it actually#i feel like a private detective with a board of clues and red string. its fun. what i actually really go to therapy for#is to have someone whom i can PAY to listen to me do it because only this way i wont feel guilty about it lol#and it helps that it's a person who's smarter than me and has some actual academic knowledge that i lack#also ngl id like someone to Explain some things to me cause baby i just dont fucking get it. i dont *understand* why other people do that#and ngl its driving me crazy. its like trying to play a card game where i dont know any fucking rules and everyone else does#but the moment i ask for some i get bitchslapped. so all i know is what ive managed to Observe and its enough to survive ig#but you never know when you'll do something that seems completely normal to you and everyone at the table will start tweaking#its like the older i get the less i understand and its Weird
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Ohh im obssesed
#uprooted#uprooted naomi novik#solya#marek#my main playlists dedicated to them :]#idk why they cought my attention in 2018 and since that year they have had a special place in my heart. sometimes throughout my day-#i realise im obssesed with them and they're not just some random characters i like. ive dedicated a lot of time on them#i wonder how my interest in them will be when i get older. i certainly know that i will miss them if i stop thinking about them#you could say they have seen me grow. i knew them BEFORE quarantine. they were with me DURING. and AFTER#they have been through so many phases of my life. its so strange.#they changed so much too...except Marek. he still looks the same I imagined him in 2018. solya is definitely different tho#but i do think i have a different more in depth understanding of both characters#even if the words i read in 2018 are still the same now that i look back at the book. they were so many things unsaid but if u looked-#closely you could understand them. solya and marek as individual characters have so much depth...even if its not explicitly said#or maybe its just me reading between the lines too much. i wish i just knew more about them. this is getting so long-#but I got a bit nostalgic. is crazy how i was just a child and somehow even tho solya was just the total opposite of the type of characters-#i like there was something in him. something that made me look at him. and i think thats actually so in character of him#i think that in the book even if someone didnt like him. it was still hard to look away because he stood out from the rest.#there was definitely something about him that attracted people. or else how would have he gotten so far in his schemes?#I may be overanalyzing it. but i love the Falcon so much. and i do like marek a lot as a character. i find him very interesting. i know he-#did bad. terrible. things i like him as a character. not as a person.#i wish i could have seen what was going on in that damaged mind of his...#analyzing his behavior its so entertaining to me. i love making up scenarios where he is at his worst. im not gonna lie#marek suffering and then finding comfort in not comforting things is one of my favorite headcanons.#his obssesion with his mother is also a very important part of his character (ofc) and i love imagine him doing things related to that#thinking about the ways their personalities connect and make them have a very toxic bond keeps me up at night..they made each other worst#and we actually never see that in depth in the book. everything is so subtle but my crazy brain can find the signs in any part#i will stop this rant here. i feel its so long and if i made any spelling mistake i apologise to my future self (probably my self from-#tomorrow) because i know i won't be able to fix the misspelling and that will stress me SO MUCH.#future self please dont stress about it. just be happy. and enjoy thinking about these insane characters
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Actually talking about dreams reminded me that i had a dream with Grim before he even had a name or was even a character of mine!! I can't believe i forgot about that the only reason i even know about it is bc i found some old text messages where i talked about it and it must have been such a defining moment i decided i must share it with someone at 03:40 am
Reporting from the future, according to past me: "the god of death visited me in my dream" and "he was very fun" and "he sang to me in latin". I also thought it was an omen but wasn't sure if it was a good or bad one. I also said "hes a trickster ofc hed love to visit you and scare you" (to friend i was messaging). Thats literally just Grim. Like all of this fits him except he looks a little different today; like his hair isn't pale blond its just white, and his eyes aren't dark but red, but i guess. They can be dark. At the same time. He visited me before he even existed and that's a little freaky tbh i hope he visits again soon
This does help answer a question thats been bothering me since the parley happened which is what language do him and his majesty speak? And auden for that matter. Bc ofc i write in English but other languages do exist still, and both grim and the lord speak most languages (so the interpreters weren't even rly needed with the humans) but that doesn't mean they just speak english bc i write in english bc that seems unfitting to me.. now ive decided they just speak latin in reality. Or some other form of lost language no one else speaks. That or if they are speaking to someone else, then they speak the language the person they are talking to speaks. Same with the Doctor actually, since it "talks" in people's thoughts, and whatever it says is interpreted in a way unique to each individual, so if its communicating with a Spanish speaking person for example then that person would hear its words in spanish bc thats what they understand and thats the filter their brain interprets things through. But it doesn't rly talk it just kinda beams its own thoughts into people, so it technically speaks all languages, but also doesn't speak any.
#Auden's story#oc grim#oc his majesty#oc doctor#dreams#whump#the language question has been bothering me for so long bc i knew they don't actually just speak english bc thats a human language#and neither of them are human and both of them are older than language itself#so their mother tongue cannot just be today's modern english that doesn't make any sense#the dream is also freaky bc i literally never dream with people i dont know#like i dont have strangers in my dreams especially not this detailed#if i do theyre just some average looking blob of unimportance#but he was so clear in my mind i remember him so clearly and he looked absolutely nothing like anyone i know#i rly just felt like i was visited by some fucking guy#but some fucking guy who knew who i was and seemed to have more personality than im usually able to imagine#like i dont just “make up guys” in my dreams they gotta come from some media or real life is what im saying#and he wasn't like that#i choose to live in a world where he exists actually thank you for understanding#i need to post more fun fact type posts about my guys they are so important to me
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thinks about msr through skinner's eyes and clenches my fists so hard my entire body starts sweating blood
#x files#okay this is actually how i feel about them from outsider pov in general but skinners kinda the one who has been there long enough#and is STILL there mind u#to understand the whole deranged mess of what they are and how much they grew to care for and protect one another#he's out here fully aware before they would even admit it to themselves you know#GOD. thinking about someone watching them grow together and endure so many separations and finally be happy#only for them to quietly get older and sadder and split apart and be unable to do anything#and then they're thrown together again but is it good for them? bad? enough? too much? could this hurt? is it dangerous?#you know. YOU KNOW???!?!?!#i need. to sleep#i cant sleep. im thinking about Them
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and it's like despite all the awful shit he's done and continues to do, like, i get it. he's employed like 24/7/365. he never got to live a life, despite spending a childhood clinging to the hope of having one someday. He knew companionship and love but lost it and can't ever get it back. His circumstances are so anomalous and gruesome that it completely isolates him from pretty much every other human being on the planet. he knows hell is real and he is basically guaranteed to go there if he can't break this demon curse thing.
like it doesn't make the kidnapping and spreading the curse around any better, but i do get it.
#like personally i don't blame him for the actual murders#and it's hard to blame him for hiring people without telling them because like lol.#anyone who's like 'oh he should just tell ppl about the demons' like what are you onnnnnn if you went to a job interview with a creepy old#guy and he started talking about demons and hauntings and shit you would think you're being pranked or that he's lost his damn mind#and fuck offffff with the 'ohhh not me im a quirky bean i'd love to take a job if the interview was like that' like sure. ok. maybe YOU wou#but what are the odds that milford in 1998 coming off the satanic panic has a thousand yous running around waiting to be hired#like i honestly dont have any suggestions for how he could have handled the hiring situation any better#now the actual JOB i have plenty of feedback#like yea he should be there to train your ass against the demons lol we got more hands-on guidance for the embalming (the non deadly part)#but like the whole 'raymond is evil cause he kills possessed ppl and hires people without telling them abt demons'#do you think that old man can run the whole mortuary by himself and also have time to teach classes#until he inevitably dies from either stress or the demons and is sent to hell (which he knows is real)?#it's my understanding that by having others around who can help him fight the demons he'll have the spare time to figure out how to#break out of the demon curse or break possession or literally any useful information that could treat the disease and not the symptoms#he is running out of time!!! he is only getting older and the demons are only getting more frequent and someday he won't be fit enough#to properly banish them!!! if you even care!!!!!!!!!#fucking tag essay lmao#mr delver i wont u...
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INSTAGRAM JUST UP AND DELETED MY SAVED COLLECTIONS. I SPENT LIKE A YEAR SORTING POSTS INTO THOSE COLLECTIONS. IT ALSO MYSTERIOUSLY AND WITHOUT WARNING DELETED A BUNCH OF MY CHATS WITH FRIENDS FROM MY INBOX. I LOST SO MANY IMAGES AND VIDEOS MY FRIENDS SENT ME OVER THE YEARS. WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL
#i genuinely do not understand what the hell#why. like what did i even do#i don't post or comment on IG either#I contacted support twice. no damn response#y'all if you know any fixes...let me know pls!#i had sooo much stuff saved and sorted into collections. recipes fashion inspo poetry n writing excerpts. a vision board even#to be clear i still have my saved posts but they're all unsorted now bc IG deleted my collections#now i'll have to scroll 10 miles if i want to find an older saved post#this is wildest thing for a social media app to do to you unprovoked. ALSO completely and utterly out of the blue. like what#i feel personally targeted im not even kidding lmfaooooo#bc best believe i ran to google to look for fixes. and guess what i got. nothing. damn near nothing#and im about to burst out laughing as i type this out bc what the hell man 🤣😭 this shit is so ridiculous its funny#but im also so angry at having my data wiped that i don't know what to do#man 😭 im tired. im going to sleep#i'll wake up and what next? my instagram as a whole gets fuckin deleted lmfaoo#which when you think about it. is a good thing. they'd be doing me a favor#instagram is demonic atp anyway#personal
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I guess part of the reason i take care of my grandma is because I want to know what to expect when I'm around that age. It's hard to imagine what that must be like and considering I share a lot of traits with my grandmother, I'd like to be as prepared as I can be. I'm not sure if I'm hoping I'll make it to that age or not. I'm not sure if life will give me that.
#personal#i know its the loneliness that gets you#so im trying very hard to build and maintain friendships. maybe ill go live in cohouseing when im older. hopefully ill have a partner.#I'm not scared to go to a nursing home. in fact the scarier option is not being able to afford a nursing home.#jesus christ. do you ever think abojt that.#who will visit you when you are old. your friends grandchildren since you dont plan on having any#maybe ill have a partner with kids from a previous union. im sure that wont drive me insane.#isnt it fucking crazy that ill always be me. ill always be this person. even if my traits change and i get older. it'll still be me.#its fucked when you look forward in life to when you'll be old and the only thing you want is to be loved#i dont want success or achievements. i want to be loved. but im so so scared of that !!!!#i dont understand why people like me and asking them to explain doesnt help because i wouldnt know what to say if they asked.#its allegedly not about accumulating enough positive traits to be worthy of love but i dont know how to do it otherwise#i have to be worth loving. there has to be perks that come with the baggage.
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